All right, welcome to phase two weekly check-in.
We are super excited that you are here.
Thank you for letting us know.
My contacts are really kind of fuzzy tonight.
So if I don't see your comment in the chat, please make sure you stop me to ask it out loud.
So I'm excited to be with you tonight.
I actually am always excited to be with you guys.
It inspires me to be on this journey with you.
How many are here for the first time?
Do we have anybody here for the first time tonight?
Okay, Sarah, you are here for the first time, Sarah and Miranda.
Well, we have a fabulous, oh my gosh, and Michelle.
I've got three people tonight.
I love it.
Woo-woo. All right, you know how like, do you ever see like Independence Day
and Ben Affleck is like, you know, we're the A-team?
I'm like, phase two, man, we're the A-team.
That's what I've decided.
We have fun times here because you're coming out of heartwork and you're doing like this.
And it's funny because women go into the heartwork, like, where's my man?
I want to date.
And they don't want to do the dating sabbatical.
But then they get into all the weeds of the heartwork and they're like, oh, it's so safe here.
I don't want to start dating.
I can't tell you how many I've seen come into phase two and you're like, yeah,
I'm going to watch the videos and I'm going to let all the other chicks date,
but I'm not going to date.
I'll let you all do it.
I'm going to watch you all mess up first.
I'm going to learn from you and then I'm going to figure it out.
And I'm just here to tell you there is no straight path to it.
We kind of have to just get out there and start dating and start doing the things.
But there's a lot of things that you can do.
If you are not actively online, there's a lot of things that you can do.
And we're going to make sure that we talk about that tonight.
So let me just run through our housekeeping items, the things that we say every single week.
So first and foremost, thank you, new ladies, for coming.
We're excited to have you here.
Carla teaches in the afternoon and I teach in the evening.
It is the evening session that gets recorded, always available for replay.
So if you need to leave for work or go do something else, always catch the replay.
You could always fast forward to wherever you left off.
We do go into a breakout for about 15 minutes.
I stopped the recording then.
So you're not going to have to wade through like 15 minutes of silence.
There are five main videos in phase two.
So phase two is a little different than phase one.
Phase one had a lot of reading and it had a lot of homework questions and it had like 14 or 15, maybe even more short videos.
Instead of all of the homework, you basically have five main videos.
The first one is Love Story Accelerator.
It's just the kickoff video and it's really Jackie saying, oh, you're coming out of hiding.
And she talks to you about becoming like wearing more dresses, drinking water, starting to move, letting people know that you're ready to date.
All the things to kind of coming out of hiding.
The easiest thing to do is to make sure that your social media accounts have a picture of you.
So many of us have pictures of our dogs and our children and our profile photos.
Stop it. Put a lovely picture of you back in the profile photo and a picture with you in the cover photo.
So it is time to come out of hiding.
The main video that you learn first is Data 101.
We're going to talk about that one tonight.
So I'm going to kind of skip past it.
The second video is the Divine Feminine.
That sounds like kind of woo woo.
It's not. I promise you it's not New Age Divine Feminine.
It is God designed from the Garden of Eden what God intended for the divine masculine and the divine feminine.
What happened when sin entered the world?
What we've done just as a society, when we've kind of swung one way and then the other way.
And now we're at a place where we have no idea what our identity is.
And we have not just men, women, but we have five thousand other genders.
And so we have done a lot to kind of mess up God's original divine masculine, feminine.
And so Jackie impacts that in the Divine Feminine video.
In the next video, it is online dating.
Now, a lot of you might go, oh, my gosh, I don't want to do online dating.
I hated it.
Nobody hated it more than me.
I actually teach the online dating video and Jackie issues like a seven day challenge.
Now, I don't know about y'all, but like I ran a nonprofit and active in my church, active at community theater,
which means I was around married people and gay men.
That's it. That's all I was around.
So I wanted to like actually succeed at this dating challenge.
I had to get back there and do the online dating thing.
I will say this, even if you choose to not do online dating or you take a break from it,
there is really great nuggets in there how to have those early conversations with men.
So it's always worth watching.
And then the final video is really my favorite.
I teach on the boundaries.
I've been talking about boundaries for over 20 years, started with Townsend and Cloud,
and then I've pulled in.
a bunch of other work that really kind of rounds it out and how to have boundaries in dating,
boundaries with your kids, boundaries at work, with your family and with your friends.
So that kind of rounds it out. The ideal is that you watch one video a week, you journal about it,
you write about it, you kind of tell us or share in the feed and the news feed. What you kind of
had is your aha moments. I really love when you some of you guys do that. Not everybody does it,
but I love it because you're like, hey, here are the five things that I really got out of that
video because sometimes it's things I didn't get out of the video. And I love that I'm learning
even from y'all. So it's really important that you do that. The goal is to stay in phase two,
four weeks. So if you're like, oh, I already watched all the videos. I'm ready to go.
I'm dying to get to phase three. I'm letting you just so you know, you're all stuck here with me.
You're if you are on the app or if you're on Facebook, you are stuck with me for four weeks.
Now, some of you are on the slow road and you've been with me for like three or four months.
And I'm trying to get you little birdies to fly, fly, fly. And so I get on over to phase three.
Some of you, we are migrating everybody off of Facebook. If you are new and you started in the
app, then you've always been in the app. And it's great. You don't know the saga that those of us in
Facebook had to go to to find Zoom links and figure out where stuff was in the portal and go
back and forth from Facebook. So you might feel like you're missing out. You're really not. And
phase two in the Facebook group, we are slowly getting you guys off. As soon as you finish the
program, email us and we make sure that you move on to the next phase in the app. And David has
been working on getting everybody moved over. And in the next week, you might be getting an email
from us saying, hey, we're ready to move the rest of you in phase two over to phase two in the app.
So be on the lookout for that in your email. I will put a post in the newsfeed on Facebook if you
don't see that. And then if you don't see and you don't get the email, you will again email us.
Phase two is just like phase one. We want you to be as active as you can, like in the roll call post
that comes out on Sundays. Tell us how you're doing. Tell us how your week is going. If you
have a date, please share it in the post. If you are working on your bio for your online dating
profile, we are a very honest and loving group of ladies, are we not? We will be happy to pick
apart your bio. Keep it super simple. So kiss. And we will pick apart your photos and or tell
you the lighting needs to change. You need to crop it a little bit more. We're going to help
you because we want to make sure your bios look fabulous. And so just kind of keep engaged with
each other. We also remember the royal rules, which is lift all boats. So we really want to
make sure that when someone's having a down day, that we try to lift them up so we don't get into
the pity party parade. As Jackie says, there's no trophies for trauma. So if someone is in a bad
day, having a bad day, we want to lift them up. We don't want to jump on that bandwagon and cause
them to sink with us. Just like in phase one, you cannot link to other authors, speakers,
influencers, yada, yada. Jackie doesn't even want you guys to link to other dating
pages on Facebook and her websites because she's not a fan of all of them. Here is where you get
to ask me about it. You also get to ask me in the roll call post and I will be happy to answer.
But we just really ask that you not recommend other places that we've actually not recommended
because there's just a few of them we have learned over time. We're like, yeah, that one's a little
sketch. So there's the skinny on that. Good. Are we good? We good. Those are all the housekeeping
rules. I think I got them all. Okay. So today, so what we do, since there's four main teachings,
we start the month and we kind of review the first teaching. Next week, we're going to review the
next one. And then we also try to pick up any topics that we saw that came up from your roll
call post. So that's what a weekly check-in is always like. We're going to do a little teaching.
I'm then going to pop you out to a small group for about 10 or 15 minutes. And then we're going
to come back and you get to ask me all your dating questions. And that lasts about 30 to 45
minutes. Again, you do not need to stay the whole time. You can watch some of it later. Which ones
are recommended? Well, if you watch my online dating video, I'll actually answer that. When
we get to the questions, I will be sure to answer on the online dating. But okay. So that's a good
question. I will answer it later. Okay. So dating 101, that's the first video. Now for a lot of us,
the way that Jackie is suggesting today, it's actually very similar to how Dr. Cloud recommends
dating. And there's a few people that recommend this. It is the opposite of how I used to date.
Okay. Like I'm old school. If I saw a guy, I thought he was cute. I really liked him. I would
date a guy at a time. One at a time. This idea of dating levels and
Dating multiple people in the beginning just freaked me out
But I have learned working with Jackie and watching other people do it really does keep your heart in check
it stops you from moving to emotionally spiritually or physically fast with a guy and
It lets you not decide so fast if someone's a yes or a no so that the five levels that David
I left Jackie talks about is
The first one is discovery. The first one's just community
So level one is just people in community
Everybody in last year single. Is it level one with you?
We run into each other on prayers on check-ins on Supernatural Saturday. We are in a group setting
We're at level one getting to know each other. It happens at church. It happens at your office. It happens at the family reunion
Level one is just simply chit-chatting probably in large groups with people
Level two dating now the oh, let me say this to level one
Except for like a 12-step a a meeting where you vomit your stuff on that very first meeting with complete strangers
You don't vomit your stuff with complete strangers in level one. They don't need to hear about your ex-husband your ex-wife
The kid that is an addict in your family
your embezzlement your bankruptcy
You know what I'm saying like no one in level one in a group setting should hear your trauma and your drama
They shouldn't know what your triggers are. You can talk about your life from a very high level
I always think like think of the back of someone's book cover
Think about what you would say to somebody on an elevator
You've ever felt like somebody kind of over shared with you and you don't even know who they are and you're like, oh my gosh
That's a little bit weird, right? Why is it? Why is that person telling me all that information?
And sometimes you're the victim of that like sometimes you just vomited on somebody and you're like, oh my goodness
Why did I just tell that complete stranger this about me?
Like y'all my mom is like the typical little Italian woman at the grocery store at the checkout counter
She thinks it's her job to tell the cashier and the people behind her why her grocery bill is so high
How many people she's cooking for the kids are coming into town and while it's cute
Sometimes I'm like really mom they don't need to know all this information. This is a little too much information and so
practice level one with everybody think about the parts of your life whether it's
Your dating life your job your career and you even need to think about that
Like you might write in a dating profile that you work in health care
It doesn't mean you need to say that you're a nurse or a doctor or medical billing
You could just say health care or I'm in education or I'm in social services. You can be very broad
So it's not that you don't say stuff about you. Like I have grown children
I have children's still living at home with me
Those are all fair things that you can say to people but you don't need to say the names of your kids
You don't need to say where they go to school
You don't need to give that kind of information out because you don't want to give perfect strangers
Access to too much information about you. So that's level one level two is
Where you are discovery dating?
So if you are talking to men online if you are just at the texting stage, that's still level one
it's not level two until y'all book a video date or
A live date and you've got his undivided attention
Because when you're texting you're like, oh, but I have his undivided attention. You don't know that
There could be five guys watching him talk to you
He could be chat and he could be cutting and pasting and talking to three girls at the same exact time
That is not undivided attention
So what we call discovery level two dating is where you are alone with that person
So there's some cute guy in your small group or life group or your church and he's being super friendly with you
That's not level two dating unless he asks you out for coffee or something
That would be level two dating again at level two dating. We really encourage a few things again
This is not the time especially in those first dates y'all it is so common today for people to ask
Oh, well, why did you get divorced?
So Renee gosh, you've never been married. Why have you never been married? Oh
Why didn't you have any kids you guys those are really personal?
Really inappropriate questions for us to be asking and us to be giving information out
You can I mean here's my short answer, you know what I just really haven't found my person yet like God
You know has really blessed so many areas of my life my career my ministry my family
I've been able to do so many things. I just haven't found my person yet
I'm sure some of its because I made great choices and not so great choices
And I'm sure sometimes that the other guy did as well
If you want to know more I'd be happy to tell you that if we continue to get to know it one another but that is
much as I'm good, you know, I feel like it's appropriate for now. If they start over sharing
in that discovery dating and they're like, no, no, no. And you guys, even I have a hard time
stopping men from doing this. You're like, oh my gosh, Renee, you're so ballsy. I am. But you know
what? Like I, the, the guy that I was the most recently in a very, very serious relationship,
he shared way too much too soon about his ex and how he got away with it. He's like, you know what,
Renee, I just want to be honest. And like, you admitted to me that the last guy you dated
wasn't completely honest. So I don't want you to feel like I'm withholding information.
So he found this fabulous way to kind of like squeeze in all this information. And you know,
I look back now and I'm like, ah, it was too much too soon. And it was a yellow flag that
eventually turned into a red flag. And not that that would have been the deal breaker you guys,
but it is really good about not learning too much. The other reason why we don't want to share
too much information in level two is you've not made enough good deposits. So you need enough
good deposits in a relationship. So when hard stuff happens or when trauma happens,
you can kind of withdraw from the good things that you like about him. There was another guy
I started to do video dates with. I really enjoyed him. Like we just hit it off. But y'all like,
I accidentally like he was, I don't know how we talked about firearms. And he's like, Oh,
well, I go hunting, but I use a bow and arrow. I don't use a gun. I'm like, how do you like,
how do you hunt without a gun? He's like, Oh, well, I can't, you know, have a gun. I'm like,
I don't like this. How naive I was. I'm like, why can't you have a gun? And he's like, Oh,
because I was convicted of a felon. And I'm like, Oh, this is too soon. I shouldn't know this.
Cause you know, then all of a sudden I'm like Googling and looking up his record, his criminal
record. And then I found out like in five hot seconds, he had ADHD. He was on meds. His kids
had been cutting at school. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is too much information. And y'all,
it's sabotaged everything because all I could think about was he's a hot mess. He may have not
been a hot mess, but when I learned all of that information before he was able to deposit good
stuff about him, healthy stuff about him, the things that he brought to the table, all I saw
were the deficits. And so I really want to make sure that everyone realizes felons can't have
guns. I thank you. See, I did not know that. I mean, I did not know that. Um, does that get us
to invested quickly when they overshare it? So it's, it does like, so here's what can happen.
It's kind of like you want to build, like you want to build, right? And so we already know that
if you have sex too soon in a relationship, it brings a lot of false intimacy. Um, and it actually
can hurt connection over time. The same is true. So sometimes, especially church girls, like,
we're like, Oh my gosh, I got this abstinence thing down. Great. Woo. But like you are emotionally
being intimate too soon spiritually. Oh my gosh, we pray together. We did a Bible study together.
So we're creating physical, I mean, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual intimacy too soon.
So it is just as, um, it can be just as damaging to the relationship as physical intimacy too
soon. So that's really why we want to make sure you just get to know them. You're just getting
to know that. Remember in the beginning, he's potentially talking to 10 other girls. You're
talking to 10 other guys. Do you really want 10 strangers to know about your dad's story? No,
you don't. You don't want them to know about your husband. You don't. And so it's, it's,
so it's teaching you how to kind of reign that in and filter information. Um, and so if you have
areas of your life that you're like, Oh, I normally overshare in this area. How do I not talk about my
kids? How do I not talk about my ex? How do I not talk about my assault? So I want you to think
about the topics that you have that you far too quickly and easily just say everything.
And I want you to think about and journal. What am I going to share about this at level one,
when I meet strangers in the grocery store, level two on those early dates, and then level three,
level three is when he says to you, Hey, I want it to just be you and us. I don't know if we're
ready to get married yet, but I'd like to see where this is going to go. Jackie does encourage
us to let the men initiate it going exclusive, but we really don't like sharing really deep
personal stuff or starting to make out with them into a level three. I don't know about y'all,
but I don't want to be making out with a guy who's making out with five other girls like no.
And so I also know if he's really hot and he's a really great kisser. Like if he's got some
potential flags, I'm going to blow past them. If I just start.
taking out too quickly.
And so we really wanna make sure that we manage that.
So level two is discovery dating.
Level three is exclusivity.
I call it 3A and 3B.
When you watch the video, Jackie does not define it
and she may not love that I say 3A and 3B,
but I like 3A and B.
Because 3A to me says,
hey, Elizabeth, I'm really enjoying my time with you.
I would love to kind of press,
would you be willing for us to both press pause
and talking to anybody else to see where this might go
and just kind of focus on each other?
Yeah, I'm feeling kind of the same way.
Now, we've not decided that we're getting married.
Now, as the longer you go in that exclusivity,
you might start having conversations about the future,
about marriage, making sure your values
and everything is in alignment.
So kind of three progresses.
Level four is engagement
and level five is covenant marriage.
We do have a course called Symbus.
It's an acronym for save your marriage before it starts.
We recommend that to anybody
at the tail end of phase three or four,
where you're thinking about getting engaged,
but you're not sure
and you wanna make sure you talk about things.
So Symbus is a six week pre-marriage class
that talks about blended families,
your belief systems, gender roles, finances, sex,
all the things, all the things.
And it's fabulous.
It is a great way to bring a relationship together
or break one apart.
I am O for two, or maybe it's two for two.
So I have taken Symbus twice
and I will tell you in both times,
while it was sad to break up,
it saved me from very hard marriages.
I took both of them,
talking about marriage with somebody, but pre-engagement.
As my pastor would say,
when you take a pre-marriage class,
well after you've announced to the whole world
that you're getting married
and you've got that ring on your finger,
it's very hard to put the horse back in the barn.
So we in this group are big fans
of you taking that course before engagement
in case it's not a healthy relationship.
Jackie will say that she's a match breaker
as much as she's a match maker.
Let me see, I wanna make sure
I kind of follow all of my notes.
I've talked about this so much.
I didn't even look at my notes on this.
So let's see, let me give you an example
of learning how to filter what you say.
Now, my dad has gone home to heaven
and so he is not as much a part of my story
as he was when he was alive
and it has really evolved over the years.
Like God has given me so much healing.
So I say this with a lot of grace and space
because sweet dad is in heaven
with a fully redeemed, fully restored body.
Everything that I was ever stressed about
while he was here on earth has been redeemed
and I can't wait to hug healthy,
whole, redeemed dad in heaven.
So I try to say this with all the respect in the world,
but I used to vomit way too much about my dad
and my relationship with my dad to men
and I'm pretty sure it scared a bunch of dudes off
or it allowed them to manipulate me.
They would say things, well, that's just your dad issue.
That's just your dad wound coming out.
So be careful how you share your trauma
and your childhood wounds with somebody
because you don't want them to use those against you later
and those are yours to be sacred with
because I have had men kind of push back and go,
you're just saying that because your dad did that.
You're just saying that because am I really?
And maybe, maybe, but maybe that's the Holy Spirit
giving me discernment too.
So just because something happened with my dad
doesn't mean I don't have good discernment
on when men are behaving inappropriate.
But do you see how that could get misused, that information?
So that's why you wanna guard that information.
So I might say to somebody in the beginning,
when dad was alive, like I will say this,
now that dad has gone home to heaven,
I won't talk about anything connected to my dad
until like I'm engaged with somebody
and we're talking or getting close to getting engaged
because until then there's like, he's not gonna meet him.
There's no reason for him to know any of those stories
in that beginning phase.
But when he was alive, on early dates,
I might've said things like this, like, you know what?
My dad worked a lot.
He was a typical Italian man.
And so, you know what?
He was more focused on providing for the family
and he was really paid attention more to the boys
than the girls.
Like that's just was our culture.
I might say that in early dates
because it's very common for that Italian culture thing.
As I'm getting more serious with somebody,
I might've said, you know what?
I just wanna warn you that,
like I know you were just teasing me about that comment
about my food or about my weight,
but the truth is, you know,
my dad really was really hung.
up on my way and he really said a lot of things
that has made me really self-conscious.
So that's probably not a good area to tease me.
You know, and then if we're really, really, really serious,
I could be like, you know what, unfortunately,
you know, just the way dad treated mom
and the choices that dad made in the marriage,
I just have, you know, a strong concern
about men being faithful and about where boundaries are.
And so I might say a little bit more.
So do you see how like at each level,
I'm gonna share a little bit more about it.
And so that's how you wanna think about talking
about your ex, your children, any big thing in your life.
So we're not saying you just talk about sports and food
and you have no real conversation in the beginning.
It's just that you just give surface level
information on it.
Okay, so I feel like I have killed
that little score there.
The other thing that usually comes up
when we talk about this is when you're dating,
discovery dating.
And I talk a lot more about it in the online dating
so I don't wanna get into that much minutiae,
but I'm a big fan of you guys,
you're not dating if you're just texting.
I'm sorry, that's not dating.
I don't care if you're under 35 and you think I'm wrong,
it's not.
Texting is not dating, it's nothing.
It is a form of digital fantasy land.
It is not really being in relationship with somebody
because if you actually get married to this person,
for the love of God, I hope that you're not sitting
on the couch actually just texting each other.
By then you will have learned how to communicate
face to face.
So as much as possible, we want you all to be dating men
in real life.
We want you to move to phone calls, videos,
and live dates as fast as possible.
If you tell us that you've been texting with a guy
for three weeks, we're gonna tell you that's too long.
It is just simply too long.
You're like, oh, but Renee, how do I get him on the phone
or how do I get him on the video?
You stop texting him.
That's how, it's really that simple.
You say, hey, I'm in this to meet men in real life
and to date in real life.
I'm only using this online as a tool to get to meet people,
but I wanna move off of texting as quickly as possible.
Those are great questions.
I'm not answering them by text.
I'd rather you and I see each other, hear each other,
see our body language, tone and inflection,
all of that stuff.
I wanna have a real conversation with you about it.
And if you're not there yet, that's okay too.
Just get back in touch with me when you are.
Boom, and then I stop answering their questions by text.
They will either flit away
or they will book that time with you.
We really wanna make sure
that you're having that video date.
The phrase that you hear Jackie say is,
date him until it's a no.
It's a yes until it's a no.
You've probably heard her say that.
It's a yes until it's a no.
Okay, well, here's what it's not.
If you have a video date with him or a phone call
or a live date and he is sexually inappropriate,
you guys, if he's talking about his sex life,
how often he needs sex,
the fact that his wife didn't like to have sex,
if he brings anything up sexually, you're done.
Is it a yellow flag?
No, it's a red flag.
You're done.
So that means y'all shouldn't be bringing it up.
Like, I just wanna make sure he wants to be abstinent.
No, not on the first phone call, not on the first date.
Because once you start talking about sex,
it's on the table and then that's it.
Like men, they just heard sex.
They didn't hear the abstinence in front of it.
They just heard sex.
And so we don't want anybody to be talking about sex
on that first encounter.
So if he is illegal, unethical, immoral, inappropriate,
that's a no.
We don't want you to go out
with some douchebag a second time.
So that's not what we mean by it's yes until it's no.
Also, if the entire date was just dreaded
and it was like watching paint dry
and you have nothing in common with this person,
are we making you go out a second time?
No, you can just be kind and say,
hey, it was really nice getting to know you.
You seem like a really great person.
I just don't think we're a good match,
but I really enjoyed it.
And thank you so much for taking the time.
And move it along.
Here's when we want you to say it's a yes until it's a no.
If he has almost all the things
that we call your God-defended list,
because remember when you first took the challenge,
Jackie talked about a God-defended list
and your self-defended list.
And you guys are gonna unpack that
when you go into your breakout room.
Like when you think about the things
that after you got rid of your self-defense
and you were trusted that God's gonna defend you,
what are your God-defended deal breakers?
Like for me, no smoking.
That's a deal breaker.
Number two, he has to be an active believer.
I don't care about his church attendance,
but I need to know he knows the Lord
and I need to know it's part of his life
and he's growing in his faith.
Spiritual, that's not good enough for me.
That doesn't work for me.
Now I know some people will put spiritual
and it does mean Christian.
I've not encountered that.
Every time I've gotten spiritual on a thing,
it's been some hippy-dippy woo-woo, nothing.
And that, I mean, I'm in seminary.
That's not good enough for me.
It may be good enough for you.
I'm just saying what my deal breakers are.
Here's what I've also learned.
I don't have kids. I don't want a man that's not
Involved with his children if his if he is estranged from his children
And he's never gonna see his kids and his grandkids or his kids and grandkids would want nothing to do with me
I realize that's not my person. I want to be a bonus mom
I want to be a grandma and I'm not gonna be able to do it without him and his posse
So I didn't know that that means I and I was talking about that with Jackie and she's like Renee
I think that's a god-defended item. Like you'd make a great mom. God's not gonna withhold that from you
He's not gonna give you somebody that that's not gonna be part of the story
So that's your god-defended list
so if you're on a date with somebody and you're not that attracted to him or he was a little nerdy or a
little boring or a little
odd
But he had so many things about him that you liked and resonated with him. That's the guy
We want you to give another chance
We want you to give that guy at least two more chances and how you're gonna get him to be more comfortable as you let
Him pick the activity next you say look
What is the thing that makes you the most income the most comfortable the thing that you enjoy?
Because you want to try to get sweet nerdy dweeby dude in his most comfortable
Environment because a whole new personality might come out and you're like, oh my gosh
This guy was nothing like what I ever thought he was or what I'd be attracted to but in his element
He's amazing like that guy comes out. So that's what we mean by it's a yes until it's a no because
Everybody here. We all have our type right that we used to be attracted to uh-huh
But look at where our type has gotten us probably not in a good place. That's why we're all here
So we need to be willing to go outside of our type. It could be height weight race
Whatever it could be income white collar blue collar. He could be he could live further away
You thought you were gonna get somebody with no kids. He's got three kids
You thought you would not have anybody who's a grandfather, but he's a grandfather. I don't know
You know I'm saying like so that's what it means by it's a yes until it's a no
What does it mean to keep it light I think I've done that already
And then finally like what Jackie says consider what Jackie teaches don't let your preferences
So preferences is not a deal-breaker
My preference it I'm 411 and I'm getting shorter every day. I swear
So my preference would be somebody under 510, but it's not a deal-breaker. The last guy did it was 6-2
I'm not saying I'd go back to that because there is a lot of times it was kind of I just
It just didn't feel good
Like I felt too small next to him and it started to make me feel not safe in a weird sort of way
But maybe that was more him and then his height
So that's a preference, but it's not a deal-breaker. So you guys might have some preferences
So be careful about your preferences becoming deal-breakers. The other thing is you guys please don't stereotype and
Women can stereotype as fast as men can so we get we all kind of complain that men get very licks looks
Focused but we do too like oh my gosh. He's fat. Oh my gosh. He's bald like oh my gosh
He's shorter than me. Oh my gosh. He's Catholic or he's like Church of Christ. Stop it
So let's try not to judge all races all types all people
Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. So when you're on in the dates
So now that you're in this dating season the date isn't about just about finding your mate
Okay, it is about finding out who you are
What you like and what you don't like so you guys I went from no dates
For like 20 years. I swear. I only had like two serious relationships got caught up in ministry and like had no life and
Then I took date Jackie's dating challenge and I think I had 16 different dates in the first 16 weeks. It was fabulous
There was two restaurants. I toggled between they probably thought like oh my gosh
There's this girl again with another guy, but it was fabulous
They were kind of looking out for me. And so I have learned so much about myself
What I like and what I don't like I've learned so much about men and I've learned how to practice dating
So if your dating game stinks and some guy
Asks you out on a date and you're like, I don't know. Please go. Please go
That is the best guy to practice your dating skills because you don't really care about the outcome
So be friendly be flirty and you might learn like oh my gosh
I asked too many questions or I didn't ask enough of questions or like he asked he didn't ask me
My favorite is girls will say he didn't ask me any questions and I'll say well, did you ask a lot of questions?
Yes
and I'm like
well
what I'm learning is sometimes when we ask too many questions men can't get a word in edgewise to ask questions and they don't realize that
We want them to ask questions. So we have to be careful how much we're drilling them on the too many question thing
The other thing that is
that happen too is you, God will reveal and heal something in you on a date.
Like there might be a guy that you go out on a few dates with and his only purpose was
to heal a wound in your heart.
Like there might be some sweet guy that takes you out on a date and he's the first guy to
buy you flowers, open the door and treat you to a nice restaurant.
He may not be your guy, but he's modeling to you how well you deserve to be treated.
And I don't want you to miss out on that moment.
I want you to embrace that somebody might want to win you over, like embrace that.
And then also just be careful if you have too much of a critical spirit.
There are times that some of you guys will come back from dates and you'll give us your
updates on the newsfeed.
And I'm like, man, you were so critical of that guy.
It was just a first date.
Like how is he supposed to win you over?
That was like a really rough assessment.
So let's just be careful that we're not super critical.
Okay.
So that is the teaching on dating levels, but largely dating in one, two, and three,
because that's where you guys are at this level.
So I'm going to put them in the post, the two questions I want you to do in your breakout
room.
The first question is this, and you're going to have to take, I'm going to put it in there
and I will put it in the broadcast, but once I put it in there, if you want to take a screenshot
of it, like with your cell phone, go ahead and do so.
But your first question is this, where are you going to be the most nervous or where
do you get the most service or stuck in the dating?
Is it just messaging them in the beginning?
Is it dropping the hanky?
Is it getting from a text to a video, a video to a live date?
Is it that you get too emotionally invested and you share too much?
Are you struggling to balance multiple guys?
So in this whole dating thing, share with your sisters where you feel the most stuck
or the most nervous or the most overwhelmed.
Now the second question is this, and it's okay, this might take you a little bit longer
to answer.
Share what you have learned that you know is now part of your God defended list and
maybe something that you've had to let go of that was a self defended list.
So for me, I just told you guys the God defended list that I need to have is I want somebody
in a good relationship with their children.
A self defended item that I now no longer worry about is his nationality.
Don't really worry about that anymore.
So that's just one, that's just one area.
I now no longer worry about his height.
I now no longer worry about whether he's white collar or blue collar.
I do need brain sex, so he just can't be stupid.
But see, I'm going to call that my God defended list because you know why?
I know what happens to me when I get bored and I think I'm smarter than the guy on the
date.
Like I'm just going to take over.
I don't want to take over.
I don't want to leave the relationship.
So those are your two questions.
Where are you getting the most nervous or stuck and tell everybody in your group what
you learned as part of your God defended list and what you have to let go of.
You do not need to share the entire exhausted list.
You might only want to share a couple of items so everyone gets a chance to talk.
So that's okay too.
And I'm going to cut and paste these questions in the chat now.
So now they're there.
And so now you can take a quick screenshot of them.
And I have 28.
I did this wrong the last time.
30.
I have 30 people divided by four.
That's seven groups.
I think I'm going to do eight groups.
Think that's what I'm going to do.
Hey Renee, Ursula has her hand up.
Oh, Ursula, do you have a question now?
Because I usually do questions at the end.
We have 40 minutes.
Sorry.
It's only one question.
This is my first time here.
I have, I didn't do the challenge.
Can I go to the break room or not?
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
You're going to go tonight.
I'm going to let you go.
Okay.
Yeah.
So everybody here is in phase two.
You're in phase two though.
Right, Ursula?
Yes.
You're in phase two.
I am.
Yes.
So even if you haven't watched anything yet, you can go into the breakout room.
You'll do the best you can answering this question.
And if you don't have a good answer, you guys can pass.
Like you don't have to have like this long drawn out answer.
So thank you for asking me that and confirming.
Okay.
Let's see if I did this correctly.
Okay.
I think I did it.
It's going to work.
Open all the rooms.
It is now 39 hours.
After the hour, I'm gonna give you like 14 or 15 minutes,
but I'll notice if you guys stop talking.
Hopi, Larissa, and Sarah,
are you guys able to go to your group?
Hey, no, I'm actually at work tonight,
so I'm gonna hang out here, if that's okay.
I'm gonna move somebody to room six.
Sorry, I put it in the chat,
but I know you mentioned your contacts were bugging you.
You know what, I think I saw in the beginning, I apologize.
No worries, all good.
I'm just making sure I have at least,
oh, this group only has a move you to room one.
Mm-mm, one, two, three, four, one, two, three,
one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four,
one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three,
all right, that's about as spread out as it's gonna get.
I'm going to stop recording right now.
Okay, we are back.
First, I'm gonna go ahead, get your questions ready,
so raise your avatar hand.
I'm gonna answer the questions in the chat first.
So let's see, Jamie, yay, if you're still on here,
you were on this afternoon and in the evening,
so you were double dipping, I love it.
Technically, Carla and I have the same notes,
but if you notice, I don't look at my notes,
so I'm very bad at that.
Will we still be able to come to check-ins from the app?
Yes, it will be super easy.
If you are not on the app, yeah, if you're on the app,
you're like, girl, y'all don't know how good it is
over here on the app.
Let me just show you.
I'm gonna give you a quickie tour of the app.
So the app, this is like the community page,
and it looks just like Facebook,
that it kind of like scrolls conversation,
and there's four tabs.
There's All, A Win, Ask a Coach, Relationship.
And I will say this, if you click on Ask a Coach
and you go to Create a Post, you can write a post,
but you have to make sure that at the bottom,
you still click Ask a Coach and you unclick All.
It doesn't stay there, so you kind of have to force it.
There is a wonderful little video,
and in the training section,
in the training are all your phase two or phase three videos,
just like they would have been in the portal
that you are used to.
But if you go to the very beginning in the welcome,
it'll say App Tech Training.
I did a fabulous five-minute video.
If you have no idea how to move around in here,
go to the welcome of that.
The replays would be your replays
for these check-ins, Supernatural Saturday,
and anytime we record Sunday.
But then there's this wonderful event, a tab called Events,
and it's the calendar,
and it's telling you what goes on for the day.
And if you click on it,
you'll see the Zoom link right there.
You click on it, boom, you show up.
So it's handy-dandy.
And so the rest of you are gonna be getting on.
My goal is that there's no one left in Facebook
by the end of August.
That's my goal, that we have migrated everybody over
into the app, for goodness sake.
Okay.
Which ones do we recommend?
Okay, so that's probably the online dating site.
I go over that a little bit more in the online dating site,
but here are the ones that I recommend right now.
Facebook dating.
I know you're like, oh my gosh, Facebook dating.
The most marriages we've had in our community
have come from Facebook dating, no lie.
Bethany and Brian being one of them,
and he's a dang pastor.
It's feast or famine,
so sometimes it's a bunch of ding-dongs,
and sometimes it's nothing,
and then sometimes it's like, there's a bunch of guys.
The beauty is it's free.
You can only do it from your phone.
You cannot do Facebook dating from the computer.
So if you try searching for it, it's not on there.
You have to look for the little heart kind of thing,
and nobody in your community
knows that you're on Facebook dating,
but the whole world is, so it's free, why not?
And you can set up your parameters.
Hinge and Bumble are also,
Hinge has also been very successful with people and Bumble.
So those are the three.
Some people have done Match,
and some people have done eHarmony,
but I would say Hinge, Bumble, and Facebook dating
are the three most common, what I would call secular sites.
It's not just Christians.
Upward, Salt, Holy, people have met guys on there.
There seems to be a bit more AI, scammy, faulty profiles.
files there because I think they have less staff to manage those.
So you can get a godly guy there, but you can get a godly guy on Facebook dating too.
You can find a scum on Facebook dating and you'll find scum on Upwork.
So there's no perfect, there's no perfect one out there.
I don't recommend trying to do more than two at a time.
It can get confusing.
And I always say, try to give an app at least three months before you move on from it.
Okay.
Let me see.
Thank you, Judith, for saying what you did.
Kristen kind of mentioned this and Sarah said this too.
I think it's kind of like, I get stuck in like asking personal stuff or I get too personal
right away.
Our app is called Last Year Single, but if you are in Facebook right now, you can go
to Last Year Single.
You're just not going to see anything because we have to manually load you into the page.
So don't like, so if you're still in Facebook, don't worry about it.
You're going to get instructions when you've been added to it.
There is nothing there, just my profile and a blank page.
Karen, have you been working in the app already or have you been only in Facebook?
Because if you've only been in Facebook, that's why you can't see anything yet.
Oh, I downloaded the app.
I downloaded the app.
What I'm saying, where did you do phase one?
I did phase one.
In Facebook?
Yes.
That's why.
You've downloaded it.
But as I just said, you have to be manually added to the page.
So David is working on the technology to move everybody over.
Like we'd spent all this time moving all of phase three and now as people graduate from
phase two, we're adding them into phase three manually, but he is working on the code to
move you all together.
So you will know when that's going to happen.
The single city community, we are putting the resource page with the link up in the
app in both phase two and phase three shortly.
So you're going to get a list of that, but you are in New York.
All you have to do in Facebook is literally go to the search bar and put single city in
New York and you're going to find it.
Diana, I do want you to ask your question here and we're going to have you go in the
hot seat to do that.
Okay.
Judith, you're up first.
Hi.
Can you hear me?
Okay.
I'm okay.
Good.
Okay.
I am.
I've been gaining so much from listening to you and Jackie in this space too.
I am 71.
I was married for, yes.
You wouldn't believe it.
Would you?
No.
Fabulous.
I'm full of joy in life.
I was married for 25 years.
I've been a sold out lover of Jesus for 52 years.
Our marriage was built on the rock, but you know, things happen.
I've now been divorced for 26 years.
So I got married when I was 20, I was engaged like 19.
So I haven't dated since I was 18.
Bless your heart.
That's all I got to say.
That's a long time.
And I love my, I dated a lot when I was a teenager.
Okay, girl.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, it's not that I don't know how to flirt and I mean, it looks different
now, but anyway, I'm doing, I mean, when you said, where are you stuck?
I'm stuck getting started.
I've told all my friends, my close friends and family who know me that I'm working with
the dating coach with the intention of getting married.
You know me, I'm interested in anybody you think would be good.
I'm willing to move, yada, yada.
I go out, I always talk to men, but I'm like you, Renee, the people that I know who are
men, I'm not uncomfortable talking to men.
I'm not uncomfortable receiving help, but they're married or they're gay or they're
the guys in their twenties love me.
I mean, but not to marry me, you know, I'm like, so are you, are you doing online or
not?
No, not yet.
I haven't even listened.
Now I'm ready to listen to your thing.
No, you're fine.
You're fine.
So besides online, here are the things that I always recommend to people.
Okay, good.
I recommend literally Googling in your city, um, single meetups.
Like literally there's, there's actually an app and a website called meetups.
Yes.
Look for single meetups and go to those because they're co-ed.
There's usually somebody in charge.
You're not going to be left alone with somebody.
I always say go volunteer and go volunteer at something you know men are going to show
up at.
Men show up at Habitat for Humanity.
And show up feeding, um, at a soup kitchen.
Or like we have a program here where people help box up the groceries for people and stuff.
Anything where you think a little manual labor might be involved, men will be there.
So I always say volunteer.
Consider taking yourself out to dinner at a nice restaurant and sitting at the bar.
You'd be surprised at how many people will start talking to you, especially Judith since
you're so friendly, that will be super easy for you.
You're going to the golf course and going to take, all you need is a chipper and a putter.
You don't even need a full set of clubs and three golf balls and you can go for free and
chip and putt.
So that's been my new thing.
I actually just been taking golf lessons cause I'm going to find a man somewhere in real
life.
Like I'm just kind of for me taking a break from online dating.
So I'm like, all right, what am I going to do to get out there?
So this advice is for myself to go to the rec center, go work out at the rec center.
Men and women of all ages are at the rec center.
Men show up working out at places like the Y, Planet Fitness, a rec center.
They're not going to go to the bougie.
The married ones and the gay ones go to the bougie gyms, but the single dudes don't.
They're just going to go get their workout in.
And so maybe consider joining like a Planet Fitness for 10 bucks a month and like having
a man help reach a barbell for you or like, Hey, I'm working on this.
Am I doing it correctly?
Men like pretending like they know what they're doing when they're working out.
So that's what I'm going to recommend.
Meetup groups, volunteering, go out to dinner by yourself.
And then maybe consider adding a little sport pickleball.
A lot of women are doing pickleball.
So try to find community events.
Go to the farmer's market.
Start talking to people at the farmer's market.
Go to the fall festivals.
So just do all of those things consistently and sooner or later it will start to work
to your advantage.
So that's my advice to you, Judith.
Thank you.
That's very helpful.
You bet.
And then you're going to watch the online video and you're going to be shocked at how
ready you're going to be for that.
Okay.
Heidi, is it Heidi?
My contacts need to be cleaned so badly.
Hi, Renee.
It's Heidi.
Yes.
Hi.
So when I posted this question about three weeks ago, I met this guy on Upword and we
started talking and immediately he said, hey, I can do Facebook messaging.
And without thinking, I went, well, I can do Facebook messaging, but here's my number.
So we went a little bit too quickly, but I was kind of trying to make it lower than what
he wanted.
Whatever.
So we started that.
He started talking to me.
And then it sounded like, it felt like love bombing, like he was like, oh my gosh, you
look like the person I would want to be with, dah, dah, dah, dah.
We kept going back and forth.
And I posted a question.
You said, just give it a chance.
Don't try to name it something.
So we did, we've done a lot of going back and forth.
It would be a long distance relationship.
Now in the course of me getting to know him in the last three weeks, which we've, we've
done a lot of talking, I was very comfortable with him.
He seems to be a godly man.
In the course of talking, he tells me that he was, he had, is widowed and his wife passed
away during COVID in 2021.
And he was married for 20 years, went on her Facebook page and she seemed to say a whole
bunch of good things about him.
Unfortunately, after he got, he, he lost his wife.
He got himself into a marriage situation, ended in divorce, and then got himself into
another marriage and ended in divorce within the last two years.
And I'm thinking, uh, yeah.
And so he's like, I've never dated before, had a great marriage, loved my marriage, seemed
from her page that he did, that she did say a whole bunch of good stuff about him.
And so he's definitely somebody who wants to be married, a good marriage.
And so in two relationships he dove right in.
So there's a difference between love bombing and anxious attachment.
And Jackie, I think that teaching is still available to you guys in phase two.
And if it's not, I promise you, and you guys get to phase three, it's in the training teaching
section.
So it sounds me to me more like anxious attachment, attachment versus love bombing.
And we all have an attachment style.
So what, what is he, how much are you video dating at this point since you're long distance?
Yeah, we did quite a lot and I can see his anxious anxiety coming on.
Like, is this going to work, this long distance thing?
And if we're together, what are we going to do?
But my biggest concern is that I feel like I'm not going to make the same mistake again,
is what he keeps saying.
I don't want to be somebody who's constantly being put in a place where like, I have to
prove I'm not a mistake, you know, and that's how I'm feeling at the moment.
And so I'm figuring I'm going to end that conversation because his last divorce was
in two months ago.
So, I mean, this, this is not, yeah.
No, he's not ready yet.
Yeah, he's not.
And so, I'm glad, but I'm glad you
gave it some time to, to figure it out.
So, you guys, the difference between love-bombing
and anxious attachment, love-bombing,
usually, the people who love-bomb
are actually avoidance.
They're gonna come in full throttle,
like, oh my gosh, you're so amazing,
I'm so in love with you, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And they usually either have
some kind of underhanded thing.
Like, they're just, I mean, love-bombing
will come from avoidance or narcissists, right?
And like, there's an ulterior motive with it.
Anxious attachment people are just people
who wanna attach quickly
because they're afraid of being alone,
they're afraid of being rejected.
I am a recovering anxious attachment.
Like, I used to attach, like, fast with no one's business.
And you guys, in my ministry work,
I've been in full-time ministry,
my anxious attachment worked to my advantage.
Donors and clients would quickly attach to me
because I felt safe.
So it actually worked for me in my career,
but worked against me in my relationship.
So anxious, and so that's why I said to you, Heidi,
like, we don't like,
we don't want you guys diagnosing people too quickly.
Oh my gosh, he's an avoidant, or he's anxious,
or he's, we don't know.
Time will tell you.
But the fact that you now put in a couple of weeks in it,
and you're looking at the fact
that he's got two divorces post her dying,
and the other one, I mean, the ink isn't even dry.
Like, he hasn't, he has not done his heart work.
And so I get it, and we feel bad for him,
but because he is long distance,
it would make it very hard for you
to have a healthy-paced dating relationship with him.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I support you just being like,
hey, you know what?
Like, you've been through a lot in the last four years,
and it might be better for you to be dating locally,
but I'm good.
And it's not your job to be his therapist,
or tell him what's wrong with him.
So you just, you bless and move on.
You bless and move on.
But I'm really proud of you for sticking it out.
I appreciate that.
Thank you, and I appreciate your advice
to have me stick it out.
Good, good, good, good.
Yvonne, am I saying your name right?
It's Yvonne, yes.
So I sent you a post earlier this week stating
that I am a widow of five years.
And what makes me a little nervous
is, like, you're, I give too much information.
Wait, like, I can't say I'm a widow, period.
Like, I go on because I feel like it's
so much of what I've lived in the last five years,
and it was such a huge change in my life.
So how do I then, from beginning to community,
work my way up in what is appropriate for sharing
my story, because I don't want to give away
information that is not.
How long were you married?
14 years.
Was it a good marriage?
It was a beautiful marriage, yes.
Do you have kids?
I have one son, 14 years old.
OK, so you can say to people, like, oh, Yvonne,
are you divorced, married, single?
What is your story?
You know what?
I am widowed.
I was married to an incredible human for 14 wonderful years,
and we have a son.
And I'm grateful that I had that experience,
and I know at this point in my life
he would want me to move on and find happiness again.
And so I'm slowly getting back out there,
and I'm happy to do that and see where this takes me.
That's as much information as anybody
needs in your first 10 dates with somebody.
So you tell me what else it is that you think they need to hear.
Give me an example of what you think
they need to hear that's above that.
I don't know that I have an answer for that.
I don't know what they need to hear.
I mean, like, I would want them to understand.
What is it that you want to say that's above?
What do you want to say?
What do you feel compelled to say?
OK, what have I said?
I guess a part of my widowhood, my journey,
what I went through in watching my husband in his sickness,
or even my expectation now.
I would want the man to understand what he's getting into.
And what does that mean for you?
What does that mean?
What would he be getting into?
Well, I'm looking, obviously, I'm marriage-minded.
And I guess I need a man that would be willing to accept my husband.
It's not just me.
He's accepting me, my husband.
I mean, are you going to bring your dead husband into the marriage bed with you?
What does it mean?
Oh, well, that's the thing, right?
No, not in that sense.
But there are still things that you carry as a widow, right?
Where, like, you have that attachment.
And so I understand there's—
the Lord has told me I need to—
make space right. He has to have his own space. So it's not a shared space. I recognize that.
But like, there's still emotional aspects of it, right? Or there's anniversary.
I still don't think this is information you need to share on the first few days. I think
most of us, when we date a widowed person, we know if we, if I hear from a guy that he
loved his wife and it was a great marriage, I know she's going to be a part of the story
forever. Okay. Like you don't need to explain that to me. A marriage minded guy will know
that he'll, he'll know that. Like if I date a guy who has children, I'm aware that his
wife's wife will always be a part of my story because the children are involved. An ex-husband
didn't need, I mean, a divorced man didn't need to say that. Now, if you want to make
sure he's marriage minded, those are great questions for you to ask early on. Like,
just say, Hey, where are you at in your dating journey? Like, are you just kind of looking
for companionship? Are you hoping to get remarried or married one day? Like, you know, are you
just kind of getting out there or like, you just don't know? Like all is good. I'm just
curious where you are. I'm curious, where are you in your dating journey? Those are
fair questions for you to ask, but it would not be appropriate for you to be like, I need
you to make sure that you understand that when you get me, you get me and my husband
that died. Like that would weird me out. That's just, that's just kind of creepy. Um, but,
but when you're describing what you want, of course, he's going to be a part of your
story. Of course, there's going to be photos of him around. Like one of my best friends,
you know, his, he was married to his first wife. She died of cancer for 20 years. There's
a picture of them when they were in their twenties in the bedroom. And I was like, Amanda,
you want the X, you want the wife in the bedroom, like staring at you guys. She's like Renee,
it's like 25 years ago. Like it's good. And so I think that will be something you would
negotiate in a serious relationship. What does that look like? Where are the photos?
You know, how do you honor that person? How do you, how do you show honor to that person?
Now, how long ago did your husband die? It'll be five years in September. And have you dated
at all? No. So here's the part you can say, you know what? I really loved my husband.
And even though it was, you know, how did he die here? How did he die is going to be
a common question. You might get, you know what? He was sick. And that's all I'm going
to say. Okay. And I can just tell you that it was really hard in the end. And I, you
know, I had, it was a lot of grief and it was really hard and it changed my life for
a while and I've come out of it and I'm really looking forward to moving on, but I am just
starting this journey. I think that's okay for you to say, I'm just starting this dating
journey because that might teach the guy, if he's a nice guy to treat you with a little
bit more kid gloves on that and have more space and grace for you. But what you want
to make sure that you do on your dates, just like any other person with their ex, you guys,
you want to make sure they get to know you, not your husband. They need to get to know
you. So in the early discovery time, it's not the time to share about how amazing your,
your, your husband was like, you don't, he doesn't get, he doesn't need to hear about
all the things you loved about him. There will be a time for you to celebrate all of
that with him, but not in the beginning, getting to know you in the same way. You don't want
to be out on a date with a guy and he's talking about his ex-wife the whole time, right? Because
there are times I'm on a date, I feel like I get to know the ex-wife better than I get
to know the guy sitting across from me. And I'm like, well, crap, I'm not dating her.
So hopefully that helps. And you're just starting. So tread lightly, keep watching, keep, keep
putting your toe in the water. That's my encouragement to you. All right. Thank you. You bet, sweetie.
Hi, the guy I went out with on Sunday said he was spiritual. Okay. But I know I'm going
to have to have this conversation with him because I think that he's talking about clearing
his mind and meditating. And I think he read some book by an Indian guy and he's like,
he's into some of that stuff, you know, but, but he is very nice. We walked around the
whole mall of America and I kept bumping into him. I don't know why, but I kind of, it kind
of just felt nice, you know, to have somebody that I was walking next to. And so how, how
soon do I really bring this up? Like I, cause I'm, did he ask for another date yet? No.
Do you want, did you tell him you want to go on another date? I just told him I really
enjoyed my time with him.
Okay, so girls, hear me.
If you potentially, even if you only 50%
wanna go on another date with a man,
do not leave him guessing.
You have to tell him at the end of every single date
until you're like in an exclusive relationship.
You have to say, oh my gosh, John,
I had a really great time tonight.
I would be open to hanging out with you again
and continuing to get to know you
if that's something that you're interested in.
If you're not, that's totally okay.
Thank you so much for a great time.
I just didn't want you to, you know,
I just wanted you to know how I felt.
So this way-
So I didn't say that.
What do I say now?
Well, has he tried reaching out to you?
Yeah, we've been texting on Facebook.
Okay, has he tried to ask you out on another date yet?
Not yet.
Okay, so you don't need to bring up the faith conversation
until he asks you out on another date.
So how much do you wanna go out with him again?
He's really nice.
I felt totally, completely just open with him.
Like I didn't, and I did very well.
I didn't say too much.
Yeah.
But I just, he just was super-
Yeah, if you really wanna go out with him again
and give it another chance
during one of your texting conversations, what's his name?
Roger.
You can say, hey Roger, you know what?
I probably should have said this that night,
but not only did I really enjoy talking to you,
but I'm really open to seeing you again sometime
if you're open to that.
If you're not, that's okay too.
I just wanted you to know.
And then if he said,
well, actually I really didn't want to, then you know.
Then you don't even have to get into the faith conversation.
So I would not have the faith conversation with him
unless you guys have a second date.
And then on the second date, you can actually ask him,
just say, hey, you know what?
You mentioned a few things a little bit
about being spiritual and things.
I'm curious, can you tell me more,
a little bit more exactly what your faith looks like?
I'm curious, can you tell me more?
What does your faith look like for you
on a day-to-day basis?
And then-
And if he says, it's this shaman guy or whoever.
What's your answer?
That is not acceptable to me.
I want to, so-
Right, so here's what you say in the moment.
You just say, wow, thank you so much
for sharing that information.
Don't give any information unless he asks for it.
So if he says, well, Stephanie, what about you?
And you can just say, well, you know what?
For me, my faith in Christ is really important to me
and it's a big part of my life.
Leave it there and then let him start to do the math.
I just said, I'm spiritual, hippy-tippy-woo-woo.
She just said, she's Jesus, girl.
This is probably not gonna work out.
And at the end of that date, you say,
I had a nice time, thanks for getting to know you.
And you don't end it with, I'd like to see you again.
Cause you probably don't.
Now, if he calls you again and continues to text you again
and asks you on a date,
that's when you then would have to be honest to say,
I've enjoyed getting to know you,
but from what I can gather,
our values and faith systems aren't in alignment.
And I think we both deserve to be with somebody
that that is the case.
For me, it's kind of a deal breaker,
but it's been so nice getting to know you.
You don't say it in the moment when he gives you the answer
and you don't say it at the end of the date,
he's not gonna ask you out again.
So does that help?
Yes, except that he reads the New Testament
and he talked to me about that.
And it's like, and he commented on my Jesus comment.
He liked that about me.
Right, I know, but it doesn't matter.
I mean, it doesn't matter.
You're gonna listen to what he says is his answer.
If his answer is, I read the New Testament
and I read the Quran and I pray to the tree
and I, you know, light crystals, it doesn't matter.
Like, you know, even the, I mean, scripture's clear,
even Satan knows the word of God.
That's true.
And so, you know, it's a cool book.
It doesn't mean anything, right?
And for you all ladies,
it didn't matter if he's reading scripture, you guys,
is he walking it out, the fruit.
Jackie always says, look for the fruit.
So I don't care, you guys,
my ex was going to church twice a week.
He was in men's groups.
He was reading scripture.
I thought, oh man, he has sold out for Jesus,
but his behavior wasn't lining up
and he wasn't reading the room.
And Jackie was like, Renee,
is he showing fruit of the spirit?
And I'm like, crap, he's not, dang it.
Like, I got caught up and he checked all the boxes,
but he didn't have the fruit.
So that's what you're looking for, Stephanie.
You're looking for the fruit.
Okay, Leslie, you're up.
Okay, this is just a quick question.
So we, I'm diving into dating again.
I've accepted several invitations.
So my question is, I tend to feel guilty
when I've accepted an invitation,
they've paid for dinner and I'm not interested.
Like, I feel like they're gonna think
I just used them for a meal or whatever.
So what, first, what's the expectation for them to pay?
Or is it completely inappropriate on a first meeting
to just be like, hey, let's just both pay for our own?
So that's a great question.
I clearly wanna be treated like a lady
and I would love for a man to pay for my food.
I don't wanna leave there feeling like I've used them.
For sure, well, okay.
So, A, we are all for letting men pay for the meal first.
If you are at all worried that you may not like them
and you're gonna have guilt feelings afterwards,
pick a less expensive place to go eat, right?
So don't pick the five-star restaurant
where you know he's gonna plunk down 200 bucks on the dinner.
You know, just say, hey, you know what?
For our first date, why don't we just grab ice cream?
Why don't we just grab coffee?
Why don't we just go putt-putt?
Why don't we just go to the park?
Why don't we just grab a Frisbee?
If you're really worried that you're gonna feel guilty
if you don't like them,
then don't pick a dinner as your first option.
You know what?
Hey, can we meet at,
we have this swanky little bourbon and coffee shop I love,
and it's now a great first date
because it's like, I'm gonna let him buy me a drink.
The dude can buy me a drink.
I try to act like they're gonna buy me the drink.
If it's clear he's not paying for my drink or my meal,
I don't say, oh my gosh,
why aren't you paying for my drink or your meal?
I then pull out my wallet,
or if I get there and he's already there
sitting down with his drink,
that's code for I'm not buying your drink.
Now, I have had guys get there early
and walk over to the cash register and say,
hey, let me get your drink.
And I always say,
and I've gotten really good at this,
because Leslie, because I used to run a nonprofit
and I had to get used to people
giving me money for the nonprofit,
and they would pay for the meals.
And I would say, are you sure?
And they would say, yes.
And I would say, thank you.
That's very kind of you.
That wasn't necessary, but that's very kind of you.
So if you need to, Leslie,
you can say, are you sure once?
And if they say, oh my gosh, no, I got this.
Or, oh my gosh, I got it.
You know what?
You can get the next one.
You can just say, okay, thank you.
Okay.
I think I've just been single so long
and paid for myself for so long that it's foreign to me.
And I don't want to offend them, naturally,
but I also don't want them to think,
dang, every time I go out with this girl,
I'm going to be stricken off the bus.
Like I said, be cautious about where you agree to go.
Like if you're not super sure about the guy,
pick something that's not going to cost a lot of money.
Be mindful of that.
I think it's okay for us to not just assume all men.
Now, I will tell you, culturally,
Jackie has been talking about this
with a bunch of younger women,
where like women are paying for the meal
or wanting to split it.
I never offer to split it.
I'm always prepared though.
Like I never not come with my wallet.
I'm always prepared.
Johanna.
Sorry, I can't find the mute button
whenever I need to talk, right?
That's how it works.
So I have a quick question about the app
and then I have a real question.
So I'm on, I got moved onto the app
and I can see like the...
I just lost you, you muted yourself.
Sorry.
I probably like do Zoom for work all the time.
Okay.
Anyway, I'm on the app
and I've already watched a couple videos
like on Facebook or on the website.
And now the app shows like zero progress.
Don't worry about it.
Okay.
Because the app, it's not locked like it was in the portal.
Like you can't see the next thing
and we see how far you are.
Once you're in the app,
you guys are really kind of on the honor system.
Okay.
So if you don't watch it,
you're really missing out.
It's really on it, but I'm glad you asked.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay, so my other question,
I'm the one that posted about talking,
saying what's up to 13 guys.
trying to like relax about it but I so there was a guy I was on hinge before I got into phase one
and there was a guy that like matched with me like the day that I started phase one and I just
shut I shut off hinge and so then when I came back on hinge I I matched back with him
kind of expecting that if he was gone because I missed it you know like whatever and so he
then started a conversation with me and it's like actual conversation like asking questions
and responding and great but it was like three days in between and then it was like a week in
between that I'd get an answer and I want to have grace for the fact that like I left him hanging
for like months but also like should I take the hint or like because this like waiting a week in
between a response is making me crazy so here's what I do um but I'm from New York so like I'm
blunt so when I feel like it's starting to get like that I would send him a message I'm just
gonna pretend his name is Mark hey Mark I know I was the one that needed to go on hiatus and
because I was working on my sabbatical and so I don't know where you're at in the dating situation
I'm actually really looking forward to getting to know you maybe pop on a video date or see you in
person but if that's not where you're at anymore like that's totally cool because what I'm realizing
I don't want to do is have these long drawn out texting conversations so if you don't want to
move to a video date or a live date that's totally cool I just wanted to kind of boom so that I
learn to ask for what I need like if I feel like it's not going at the pace I want I just say that
like look you know what I really don't like texting I'm not on this app that often like I'd really
rather just meet people quickly on video and in person if that's not where you're at anymore
or right now that's totally cool I wish you the best I'm just I'm going to just let you know I'm
not going to kind of do this okay all right thank you I just you know I don't want to make it seem
like and that's why you're going to for him in particular you're going to say look I know I
needed to put it on pause so I get that you might not be in the same place right now I'm just
realizing I had this great course I'm in a really good place and I realize I want to start meeting
people like I'm ready to start meeting people okay and if he says to you I need a pause then
you can just say fine you know reach back out to me when you have time and then I would put my energy
somewhere else okay awesome thank you you bet Diana thank you and Diana Ursula and Sarah you
guys are going to be the last three that I'm going to do because we're getting close uh well we're
over a little bit over time but I love you guys so I'm going to keep talking to you wait where did
my person just go I'm here okay okay you moved you took your thing off and I'm like wait let me
here there I am so how um are so since you put in the post are you willing for me to talk about it
with everybody here with you okay so Diana admitted that she is in a 12-step program and she's in
recovery and interestingly a lot of you in the past have asked about men that you go on a date
with who tell you that they are in recovery and they are clean or sober whether it's porn alcohol
drugs and it's a certain number of days we have usually advised folks to follow what we know to
be true in 12 steps which is in that first year post sobriety in that first year sobriety that
you really shouldn't be in a serious dating relationship that it's important for you to
gain your sobriety and keep it with yourself and your higher power which we know is God before
kind of entering in a relationship and so Diana talked about her sobriety but then also talked
about her wanting to really kick it into high gear with her dating challenge and so I just wanted to
have an honest conversation with her a little bit about it like what does dating look like for her
right now while she's in that first year and what kind of boundaries is she going to have
um knowing what the 12-step program usually guides and how we can support her in that journey
and so I didn't feel like it was appropriate to try to text back and forth on her post and ask
her she'd be willing to come here so first of all Diana thank you so much for being brave
um you are not the only person in our community that has gone through this and so but you're the
first person well that I've really seen just be super brave about this and so we're kind
of figuring it out with you how we can support you but make sure that we
follow what's appropriate for you and where you're at.
So tell us a little bit about how you want to do this phase
and phase three, going out on dates,
but trying to honor your sobriety and protect that too
and not dive into a relationship.
So tell us a little bit about
where your headspace is on that.
So it looks like it's pretty slow for me, slow going.
Sloan said he's going to win the race, you know?
So when we talk about phase two, you know,
getting out on a dating app,
maybe I'll be one of the lingerers.
I'll be like the last one to pop over to the app
because I'm at, look, I'm counting days.
I'm at 165 days of sobriety.
And, you know, with my sponsor, I'm on step four.
And for people that know 12 step,
that means I'm doing a resentment, fear,
and the sex inventory.
I haven't started my sex inventory.
And that's a real important inventory for me to do
because I have to really look at
all that behavior from the back.
And I just want to say that I think LYS
has really, really helped me because it's really there.
It's parallel.
The programs are parallel to me.
Yeah, I would agree.
Yeah, and I just, I love being here
because it's really helped to set me free
in a lot of ways that AA couldn't touch it.
Oh, I love that.
That's so good to hear.
I can't wait to tell Jackie about that for you.
I'm a big fan that this program can go in tandem
with 12 step, with a therapist, with a pastoral advisor,
because it's biblical.
So it just lays on top of,
or fills in the gap with all of the other stuff.
So what I'm hearing you say
is that you want to learn how to do discovery dating well,
that level two, you know, get to know yourself,
get to know men without putting sex on the table.
So it's almost giving you the excuse
to stay at level two for a while
as you like go out and enjoy the company of other people
without trying to dive into this love or sex relationship.
So I'm assuming then you're gonna let us
hold you accountable to that.
And so if you start to go a little too hog wild,
I'm allowed to go, woo, it's raining in.
Absolutely.
Okay, perfect.
I love that.
You are my sponsor
because my sponsor would say the same thing.
And I have to remain sponsorable.
I love that.
Well, I'm super proud of you.
I feel like you've done a great job.
And you guys, I hope this is a testimony to y'all.
Like there's value in this discovery dating
and really getting to know people.
I mean, for everybody, for all of us, some of us.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna check the box.
And I will check the chat
to make sure I answer everything in the chat
before I sign off.
Is there anything you wanted to ask me though?
I mean, I didn't mean to just put you on the spotlight
but I wanna, if you don't have a question,
that's totally okay.
But I wanted to unpack that with you
to make sure that we are guiding you well
when we respond to your posts.
Well, I think that I just have to really,
I don't know if it's a question, Renee,
as much as it's a remember, Diana,
listen more, you have two ears and one mouth
when I go out on dates.
Because not everybody needs to hear
the down and dirty Diana story
because it's a bad neighborhood.
No one wants to go there alone.
I think that's really important
and because you are in 12 steps,
remember I said that at the front end of the thing
because I had a first video date with a guy
who only dated women from 12 step meetings.
And in my first video date, I found out everything.
I was traumatized and I can handle it.
And it was just too much.
And I was like, he goes,
was this too much information for the first call?
I'm like, yeah.
I'm like, let me help you.
I'm like, I'm gonna help you with all your future dates,
sweet boy, because it can't be me.
Everything you do in 12 step works for a 12 step meeting
because that's how your sobriety works.
You can't, in the same way I just said to you,
the way I connect with people works for ministry,
but it doesn't work in dating.
It's gonna be the same for you.
The rules that apply in a 12 step meeting
don't apply in these early dating.
These, because the difference is at a 12 step meeting,
you guys are coming in there with this common thing
and confidentiality is gold, right?
Like, and so you could be in the room with,
like I'm in Nashville.
So if I go to a 12 step meeting,
I'm probably gonna find half of Christian artists,
I mean, and country artists at a 12 step meeting, right?
But there's protection in those meeting.
And the truth is everybody you go on a first date with
isn't gonna have that same high level of confidentiality
and protection over you.
Like, they're not gonna guard you
the same way you guard each other in a 12 step meeting.
So they're just not gonna protect you.
So you have to protect yourself.
So that's why.
So that's just my.
encouragement to you. And Dinah, you are not a lone girl. Like, no, I can vomit with the
best of them for sure. I've gotten so much better about that. Um, and learning to rein
my content in. Um, and I still need to work on getting the men to rein their content in
because you know, I joke around about it, but sometimes they just start sharing so much.
I can't even stop. And I'm like, all right, buttercup, just go ahead. Just keep telling
it to me. We're probably not going to go out again, but go ahead and keep talking.
Let me ask you one question before I go. And one of the things that people will ask,
you know, it's like, because I don't drink now. And when people ask me about why don't
you drink, I say, I have an allergy, which is a hundred percent true. That's fine. But
what I don't tell them is that I break out in bad decisions and profanity when I drink,
because that's what I would just tell this group.
And here's the thing you guys, and I listened to this, I just saw, I just saw a reels on
it. There was a celebrity that doesn't drink anymore. And he was like, Oh my gosh. He goes,
Nobody asks me why I don't drink water. But if I don't drink alcohol, I was like, Oh my
gosh, why don't you drink alcohol? You know what? Here's the only answer you need to give
when somebody says, why don't you drink alcohol? You know, I just don't want to, I just don't
need it. I don't need it. I don't like it. I don't want to. Those are all acceptable
answers. Like even saying you have an allergy almost feels like you have to give an excuse
and you don't, you don't ever have to drink alcohol because you guys, 90% of the time
when I go out today on a date, I don't get alcohol because the last thing I need to do
is add something that I'm going to lose my inhibition on. And so I, you know, so I usually
just say, you know, I'm just not drinking tonight. I'm just not drinking tonight. You
know, or I don't drink all the time or I don't, I really just don't drink. Oh, why don't you
drink? I don't know. I just don't. I just don't. I just don't. So you don't have to
defend it with an allergy. Oh, hi, Renee. My questions are, how can I ask in the first
day my deal breakers, like for example, to be a mom, to travel to Peru where I am from
and to be in New York city because I have a small business. Yeah. Wait, so what's the
question? How can I ask in the first day the dealer breakers? You don't want to ask
the deal breakers in the first day. You don't want to ask the deal breakers in the first
day. You're just getting to know them. Like you just, you're starting to remember, you're
just gathering information in that first day. You know, Oh, what are your interests? What
do you like to do? What are your favorite sports? You know, you might want to say, what
are the activities that you do that are important to you? Do you like to work out? Do you like
to cook healthy? Do you like children? Do you like to volunteer? Do you go to church?
Like you can ask those questions, but you're just getting to know them. So in the same
way, you're not going to share too much deep stuff on the first date. They don't have to
either. You're just trying to make sure you get past first level. Is this guy likable?
Do I even kind of like this guy? That's all you're trying to do on the first date. All
you're trying to do on the first day is see if you want to have a second date with him.
And by the second and third and fourth date, you're going to start to learn a little bit
more about them. Here's what I've learned. You guys, you get way more honest answers.
If you watch for their behavior and what they say without asking, that's when you learn
about your deal breakers. The more you have to ask the question, the more they feel like,
Oh, depending on how I answer this, we'll determine where this goes. But the more it
naturally evolves, like I'm a big fan of if you have certain deal breakers about how they
behave, how they treat the waitstaff, don't ask them that, watch them. So that's why a
lot of times we tell you not to get it in an exclusive relationship. Like there is a
woman who, and I wish you could come on tonight, but you cannot, but I'm hoping she watches this
in replay. She just met a guy just over a week ago and they were already exclusive after the
second date because he just wanted to lock it down. And you know, I will say this, like the
guy that I dated early on, like by the fifth or sixth date, he wanted to lock it down. And at
the time I was like, yeah, you know what? I don't really feel like talking to anybody else, but I
kind of looked back and wished I had not locked it down so fast because you miss the courting stage
when you lock it down too fast and you decide boyfriend or not, girlfriend or not, you miss
kind of like the simple courting stage. So Ursula, give yourself a chance to get to know these guys,
make sure they get past the high level stuff first, before you start worrying about your
deal breakers. I have a question. Yes, but only one question. How can I know that they will,
he wants to travel?
to Peru, something like that.
He doesn't want to be like that, you know, because...
Oh, well, so you want to be able to marry somebody
who's willing to go to Peru with you
because you have family there.
Is that your question?
Yes, and to be a mom.
So this is something like, this one for me, my priority.
Yes, okay.
So those are great questions.
Hey, do you, you can ask like,
hey, so where are you at in this dating thing?
Where are you at in life?
Do you still see yourself having children?
Is that something that you'd like to do?
Do you like to travel?
Are you willing to travel out of the country?
Those are questions that you can ask,
but in a very vague sort of way.
What you're not gonna say is,
would you be willing to come to Peru with me?
Would you be willing to have my babies?
Do you know what I'm saying?
You don't want to say it that way.
Like, hey, are you open to becoming a parent?
Are you opening to traveling
to different parts of the world?
You know, so it's okay for you to ask questions like that
in a very vague way without being super specific,
because if it's a first date,
they may not be ready to go to Peru with you tonight.
And if you say Peru with me,
that's where their brain's gonna go.
Like you want to make sure
that when you ask questions like that,
that you stay pretty high level.
So it sounds more broad.
Does that help?
Okay, all right.
Sarah, you are the closing question
before I get an email or a text telling me
to get off this call.
I'm sorry.
Do I have to wait so long?
No, it's okay.
I'm grateful that you're taking my question.
I'm gonna try to keep it as brief as possible.
I've followed your advice to stay in touch
with the guy that I have been kind of talking to.
I was in Israel for two weeks and we stayed in touch.
So he actually came over and cooked dinner for me
on Friday night at my place, which felt really great.
It felt really special and, you know,
healthy boundaries, gave me a little kiss on the cheek
at the end of the night.
I super like this guy and it's weird
because I'm like, I don't feel like I've felt like this
about anybody ever in life.
And so there's a part of me that wants to like dive in
and not get back on the dating apps
because I was getting back on the dating apps on hold
until I got back from Israel.
But I'm like, well, what if I just keep getting
to know this one guy?
Was this your first live date with him?
This is my fourth live date with him.
So first date was on July 4th.
I met him at my parents' church, June 30th.
We had another coffee date on June 6th
and then like a walking date on like,
I think June like 14th or something, or sorry, July 14th.
And then I went to Israel like the last half of July.
Well, A, I'm glad you're back from Israel safe and sound.
Thanks, yes.
Yeah.
So I will say this.
If you want to just talk to him,
but also try not to dive too fast, too deep,
I would limit how many dates you have in your homes.
If I could give myself advice in my last relationship,
I was really strict in my head
that we weren't gonna date in my home very often.
But he had money issues.
And because the kind of work he did,
he was coming out of a winter season
where he didn't have a lot of money.
So I let that be an excuse why we did a lot
at his condo and my condo.
And I realized it just put us in this place really fast.
And so if you don't wanna talk to anybody else,
I'm okay with that.
I'm just gonna caution you
on how long the video and phone calls get.
And I'm gonna encourage you
to have as many public dates as possible.
Go take a board game out to a coffee shop,
go play pickleball, like go do things,
even if it doesn't have to cost money,
go to an art crawl, go to a farmer's market.
So that's my biggest encouragement.
I'm not gonna make you get back out on the dating apps
if you really don't want to,
and you feel like you're really jonesing with this guy,
but I am gonna encourage you to not do many home dates.
That's excellent advice
because there is like a money situation here as well.
So yeah, that's super helpful advice
because I agree that like being
in each other's personal space can feel,
it just crosses that intimacy boundary.
And it, you know, yeah.
And y'all we're just human.
And like willpower is only gonna last for so long,
especially if you're really feeling a good connection.
Yeah.
The thing is like take board games
and like take them places, take a deck of cards.
Like there's like things that you can do.
Like I just said, I just learned this from my brother
because I thought, oh my gosh, golf is so expensive.
He's like, Renee, you can go putt
and you can go chip and putt for free all day long.
I'm like, oh my gosh, I didn't know that.
So there's just things that you can try
to be super creative and do with him
because I'm also a big fan is seeing him
in other environments will be really cool for you.
Like, I don't know about you
but we have places called like the Frist Center.
Like there's museum.
and we have places that I'm some of them are for free and so you can try to like and that might be like a
Really fun thing for you guys to figure out how many fun things can we find to do?
That's free or cost under $10. Like we're gonna make it a game, you know
Okay
and it could be a cool way to get to know different sides of him that you wouldn't have gotten to know if you were
Just having dinner all the time at each other's home and playing how I call it playing house. Yeah, you're absolutely right
Yeah, I'm a good cook man, no one could play house faster than me and I'm just
Yeah, well, and he's a good cook. He's from an Italian family. So I was like, oh, no
There you go. I mean, that's why he couldn't help himself. So give him some grace because he couldn't help himself
I can't help myself either but that doesn't mean so if he wants to cook for you
He can make it a picnic and he can take you out on the picnic to say
actually, um
Okay, man's
I'm just making sure I've got everything
I'm squinting so bad. My contacts need to be so badly cleaned. I just I can't okay
Did I get to everything? Is there anything in here you guys that I've missed? I think I got everything
You guys are so sweet and so fabulous
Alright, I'm gonna close this out father. God. Thank you so much for each and every single woman on here
I ask that you bless her this week
I ask that you just do something that knocks her socks off and lets her know
That she is a beloved daughter of the king and that you have a love story for her
that's even more grand than what she has in her head and so I just ask that you be with them in any place in
Their life where they are hurting where they are waiting where they are despondent where they might be in despair father
God just move in a mighty way in Jesus name. Amen. You guys have a great week
Oh, I'm supposed to remind you there is a special dream
interpretation session Thursday night
It's normally for phase three, but everybody's being invited to it
It is not the same video or the same person that you guys watched in a replay
It's a brand new person Jackie and this guy are gonna be co-hosting it
So and be sure to come and then next Tuesday, though
There will be reminder post next Tuesday is the monthly merge with Jackie session
And I will be here though in case you guys forget and send you on over to that other page
So anyway, have a good week you guys
You