WEBVTT

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Okay.

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So if you're new to me, welcome to me.

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I'm Jackie Dorman.

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I'm the founder of something called last year single, and I recognize a lot of the female

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faces here.

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So these ladies have been, my students have been, my clients have been in this program

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for, you know, Belinda has been here for a minute.

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So she's an OG, she's an OG for sure.

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Same with Megan.

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Megan's an OG.

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Beth, you've been here for a minute too.

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And then I have two iPhones.

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I don't see the names on that.

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So let's see your faces when you get on here.

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Margie's an OG, Margie's an OG.

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Okay.

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So yeah, I love it.

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I love seeing all of you ladies in here with your significant others, your boyfriends.

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And so some of you fiancees, some of you are engaged.

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We're going to get a chance to just introduce ourselves.

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Is everybody here?

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Let's see.

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One, two, three, four.

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I think all five.

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I think all five couples are here.

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Let me see.

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Two, three, four, five.

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Yeah.

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We're all here.

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All right.

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I was just saying for Brian that just came on, this is a very small class.

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We usually have 16 to 20 couples.

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And so it's such a blessing to have a smaller group.

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I feel like we're going to be able to really dig in a little bit deeper together.

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And I'm going to share my screen because tonight is orientation.

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But before we get started, I really want to encourage you to introduce yourself in the

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Facebook group.

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We might go ahead and transfer you all over to the app too.

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It's a lot easier in the app to watch replays and just see the different assignments.

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So if we have a chance to transfer you over to the Symbus group within our last year single

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app, we might do that.

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But otherwise, this Facebook group is your classroom.

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And we would love to have you introduce yourself to each other.

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We're going to do that tonight, but go ahead and make a post, post a picture of y'all together

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as a couple.

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And you can go, if you're together and you want to make a little video, you can do that

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too.

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Introducing yourself.

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That's fun.

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But if you don't want to do that, just post a pic.

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Tell us how you met, how long you've been dating.

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If you're engaged, you know, some of you, if you are engaged, when's the wedding date?

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We just want to know some stuff about you and create some camaraderie in here.

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All right, before we get started, let's pray.

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Father God, we're so thankful that we are able to come together with each other.

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And with you, you said that when we gather together, whether it's two or three of us,

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that you are with us in a special way.

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And so we know that there's going to be some special moments you're in our midst here.

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And so some special breakthrough and revelation during this time together, pray for each and

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every one of these couples, Lord, that you would lead and guide them individually into

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your greatest plan for their lives, both corporately and individually in Jesus name.

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Amen.

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Okay.

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So Simba state stands for save your marriage before it starts.

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I'm a certified Simba instructor.

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I have been for four years.

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It was the best premarital coaching course that I could find as a matchmaker and as a

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dating coach.

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I wanted to have something that prepared my premarital students that were in what we call

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level three courtship relationship for marriage.

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So this, this course is open for anyone who's just seriously considering commitment with

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each other.

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They don't have to be, you know, engaged.

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They don't have to be planning a wedding.

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I think the questions and the curriculum, the things, the topics, the 11 dynamics of

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Simbas are important for anyone who's even just in an exclusive relationship.

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We've decided to focus on each other and nobody else to see where this can go.

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And if it has the potential to become a spirit mate, lifelong marriage relationship, this

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curriculum is hands down the best that I have seen, especially if you have a good teacher

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and guess what you do.

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And so we're going to have fun, you guys, I'm an Enneagram seven.

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So I prioritize fun.

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It's got, if it's not fun, I don't want to do it.

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Let's have fun.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So we're going to have fun, but we're also going to learn a lot.

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And I believe that we're going to have a lot of, you know, just healing, you know, I'm

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the heartwork chick.

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So I believe that some of these topics probably will bring some things to the surface, um,

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in attachment areas of your life, um, possibly an origin, family areas of your life in expectations

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of what, what does marriage look like?

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Or what does it even look like to be in committed relationship as a Christian areas of your

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life?

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And it's all going to be good because anything that comes to the surface, I always like to

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say better in, better out than in, better out than in.

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All right.

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So before I say, before I share the assessment, a sample assessment, don't worry, I'm not

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going to share any of your assessments with the group, but before I share the sample assessment

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and I go over it and I kind of answer questions about the expectations for the next six weeks,

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I want y'all to introduce yourself and we'll start and go clockwise.

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So Belinda.

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If you guys would go first, that'd be great.

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Sure.

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Belinda Ponder.

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My name's Eric Whaley.

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I'm not sure what information you're looking for,

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but we are here in California.

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Yeah, I've just been dating for seven months.

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We got introduced about a year and a half ago

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through a mutual friend on a hike,

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who said all these wonderful things about this guy

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that I had to meet.

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And so we met and just kind of like had friendship.

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Friendship, I was doing the dating app thing or whatever.

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And finally at one point, after about six months,

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I was just sent, I sent him a little text.

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I'm like, it's Belinda, surprise.

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And he responded and we just been dating ever since.

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So that's our story.

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I love that.

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I love it.

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That's so good.

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All right, so they're in California,

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if you guys missed that.

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Okay, Beth, you guys are up next.

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Okay, my name's Beth Borda.

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I'm Joe Harless.

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And we're in Ohio, Canton, Ohio, North Canton, Ohio,

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to be specific.

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And I started the Heartwork course in August of last year,

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right after, and right towards the end of the Heartwork

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in October, Jackie gave,

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I'm on a Supernatural Saturday,

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and you just posted this on Instagram, Jackie,

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cause I have another Instagram name,

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but your prophetic word about people going

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from the friend zone into dating.

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And then people circling back around

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after some time that didn't hit it off to begin with.

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And then I think it was like the next day,

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Joe's face came across my feed

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cause we dated 14 years ago, very briefly.

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And I decided just to show up at his church

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cause I was getting those seven dates done.

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And that was it.

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There were no more dates, just Joe.

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Seven, and here we are 10 months almost later.

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Coincidentally, she was off my radar, obviously.

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And then she popped on my radar through Facebook,

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some posts she made, and I was tempted to look her up

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just at that exact time.

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And I sort of just blew it off.

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And then like a week later, she showed up at my church.

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Dropped a hanky.

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I love it.

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Hard, dropped it hard.

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Yes, you dropped that hanky hard.

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Yes.

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All right.

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You guys, I love it.

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You just can't make this kind of stuff up, right?

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It's just so beautiful.

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Okay.

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And then next in line here would be,

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and clockwise, Megan and Brian.

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Okay.

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We'll try and do it simultaneously.

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We're in different locations at the moment.

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So I'm Megan.

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I live in New York City.

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And Brian, you want to introduce yourself?

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What's going on, everybody?

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Yeah, go.

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I'm Brian from New Jersey.

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And we met in the Heart of Dating Conference in Nashville.

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Awesome.

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Great.

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All right.

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And how long have you been dating?

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We've been dating now seven, eight months.

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Eight months since that conference.

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And yeah, we're both just navigating relationship,

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learning how to do relationship in a healing way.

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Both of us have had different experiences

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and we're trying to navigate just our different things

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that we bring and how we navigate it.

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And so how to, you know, it could be difficult at times

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navigating different situations

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and different difficult conversations

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as we've kind of gone through this journey of relationships.

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You know, I come with my baggage of doing things.

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I always remember how you said,

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like coming from the South side,

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I felt like I was on like the North side of relationships

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and doing it my own different way.

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And so I think now with Megan is just trying to figure out

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how to, you know, the right way with God being the center

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and just learn different strategies and go from there.

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Awesome.

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Great.

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Those are great explanations.

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And just you guys know,

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your homework tonight is going to be expectations

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for the six weeks.

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And so I'll talk about that.

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You're gonna have homework to do as a couple

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after every single session.

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The good news is you have a whole week to get it done

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and it's not hard.

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Okay, so great.

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Thank you, Brian and Megan.

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And so Margie, y'all are up.

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They're in the car.

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Okay, yes.

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Can you hear me?

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We can hear you, yes.

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Okay.

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So this is Scott and I'm Margie and we're in Ohio.

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So we're just North of that North Canton couple.

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And we've been dating for about four months

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and we knew each other a little bit before

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and I've gone through Jackie's course

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and we knew immediately that he was the one for me

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and we've been engaged for just a couple months.

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And.

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Just, yeah, we, we got engaged fairly quickly.

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Um, we know this, um, we are very, very, very happy.

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And, um, I, I don't know.

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I've never met anybody like her.

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Um, it's something I've never felt before in my entire life and I'm

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absolutely stunningly in love with her.

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Oh, well, we love to hear that.

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Now, listen, we're not going to judge anyone's speed or lack of speed here

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because everyone comes at it differently.

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You know, David and I were neighbors.

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You're going to hear some of our story.

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We were neighbors for four months.

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He was my next door neighbor.

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I married my neighbor.

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We were neighbors for four months and then we, um, started dating

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and we dated for four months.

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And then we were engaged for 18 days and that was 17 years ago.

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And I think that I'm going to keep him.

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I think he's good.

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I think it's going to work out.

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Um, but, uh, so yeah.

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And, uh, sometimes when you're old enough to know better, you know, you've had,

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you know, some other relationships and stuff, then, you know, you know, what

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not to, uh, not to do right.

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And so we learn, hopefully we learn.

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Okay.

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So that's really great.

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I love that.

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Okay.

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And then last but not least, I really can't, it says iPhone and I

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can't tell who that is there.

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Can y'all introduce yourselves?

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Sorry.

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I can't see without my glasses with my glasses on.

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I can't see up close.

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Is that my Jackie?

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It's Bruce.

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It's Bruce and Terry.

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Hi, Terry.

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Okay.

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Gotcha.

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Hi guys.

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Hi.

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So it was easy.

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You introduced me.

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Um, let's see.

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So we're been together for four months, met on Facebook, uh, dating.

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Uh, and pretty quickly it was together pretty much every day.

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And so, um, what else are we supposed to talk about?

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We're in Northern California as well.

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And I've been part of the program since I think it was April of 21.

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And, uh, it's funny.

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It's one of those stories.

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Like you talked about is when you fully surrendered over to

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the Lord, what he provides.

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And I had been doing some dating through those years.

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And I'm like, all right, I'm done writing profiles.

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Lord, this is what I want.

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I put in the profile and he showed up the next day.

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So when you surrender it, it's amazing.

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What happens?

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I love that.

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That's so good.

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What a great, what a great story.

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Um, you guys, well, this is a great group and, uh, David will be joining

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me for some of these sessions as well.

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He won't be joining me for orientation tonight.

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Cause it's basically just a kind of a show and tell I'm going

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to show you a sample assessment.

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All of you took an assessment and then you got the results of that assessment.

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And hopefully you have shared those results with each other.

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Like you've looked at the assessment together, right?

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Um, and then, but now we're going to go over a sample of that assessment and

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I'm going to tell you what to expect.

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And then we're going to jump in.

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So every class you can expect to be 75 to 90 minutes long.

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For those of you that need an expectation, um, it won't go past 90 minutes.

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Um, so 75 to 90 minutes, so an hour and 15 to an hour and 30 minutes.

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Um, and then there's six.

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All right.

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So half of tonight is orientation.

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Then we're going to jump into, um, our first kind of homework

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assignment in this session tonight.

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So let me go ahead and share my screen and to share a sample

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assessment of Tony day and Chris query.

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This is a fictitious couple.

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I'm not just sharing some previous symbols, couples,

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private information with you.

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This is just a sample assessment so we can look at it together.

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I have the it department helping me right now.

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All right.

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Yeah.

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Good.

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All right.

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Can y'all see me?

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And can you all see my screen?

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My assessment.

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All right.

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Good.

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Awesome.

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All right.

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Once again, this is Tony and Chris's assessment, um, Simba

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save your marriage before it starts.

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You guys marriage is hard.

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I want to start out with that.

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Cause it's important that, you know, this, I was talking, my daughter

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got married a week and a half ago.

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She's 23 years old.

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She's the youngest in our family.

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My middle daughter has been married for four years.

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They have twin babies right out the gate.

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Y'all they got pregnant with twins after being married for two years.

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And they got to really see what partnership looked like with those two little, those two little babies coming right, right away like that, you know, they expected to just have a singleton birth, you know, they, they were, they were wanting to get pregnant, they got

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pregnant on purpose. But because she's, you know, she's 27. And then they found out in the first, you know, 10 weeks of pregnancy that it was twins. And they told her that she could actually have twins every single time that she gets pregnant, because it's genetic. She, she, she

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ovulates two eggs at a time. And so she's like, Oh, no. So how hard could it be? Right? How hard could twins be? Well, they found out early in their partnership, how much they had to work together with that. So my youngest just got married, and my oldest who's 20 gonna be 29. The only boy in our family, he is in a marriage minded courtship right now. So I told my kids, I was hanging out with them. And I said, Look, marriage isn't easy.

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It's not easy. But it's one of those things in life that's just so worth it. She's so worth it. Who's ever heard of Danny silk, raise your hand if you've ever heard of Danny silk, keep your love on anyone heard of him? Okay, he's out of a church out in Reading, California called Bethel. And he's kind of like a, an emotional intelligence guy, like he teaches about emotional intelligence and relationships. Anyone heard of Dr. Henry cloud, he's kind of like him, but not a doctor. He teaches about boundaries and

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relationship and all those things. And, you know, and he's just like a guy's guy. And he was at our church on Sunday, and he was talking about to the men, he's like, Can I take this whole session to talk to men? And we're like, Okay, well, this should be interesting. We'll go ahead and let you do this. You're going to talk to men, right? So he talked to many has a new book out for men, I think it's really probably a great read. But he started talking, you know, he comes from a little town in Northern California, where they shoot animals, you know, regularly, like hunters, and

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all the masculine kind of stuff like that. So he's talking about hunting, and, you know, getting attacked by bears, and all these different, like, really, really, like hyper masculine things. And then he started talking about relationship. It was such a juxtaposition for him to switch from that to talking about relationship and talking about, you know, men in relationship, and what does it look like to partner with a woman. And he said something that really resonates with me. And it's part of what I teach in last year single to my

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men, I have a whole men's community and how we teach our men. And that is that, first of all, we've been created for each other, and we're better together. Guys, all the way back to the beginning before the curse before the separation. Okay, before we came into our counterfeit selves, we were created for each other. It wasn't good for a man to be alone, he needed a helper that was like him, right. And, and together, they partnered. And so Danny basically was talking

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about how marriage will mature you as a man. Okay, because he was just talking to the men. But all the ladies that have been in my course can attest to this, I always say that marriage and family is God's maturity plan for mankind. It's God's maturity plan for mankind,

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right. And then Danny went on to say that marriage is going to kick you in the groin, gentlemen, and it's going to make you grow up. And I was like, only Danny can say that I can't say that, but he can say that,

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because it's going to stretch you, it's going to change you, it's supposed to, it's going to challenge you, it's supposed to. And I'm not just talking to men. Now I'm talking to women, it's going to cause you to become better. And for men specifically, because this is the way God created men, it is going to cause you to want to grow up to want to protect want to provide to want to sacrifice yourself. Those are all divine masculine characteristics. And ladies, it's going to cause you to want to support all of that sacrifice.

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It's going to cause you to want to nurture and respect and honor all of that sacrifice. You know, most of our couples here have already raised their children. If they had children to raise, they've already done that part of their life. And then we have one couple here that is probably still in that time in their life of wanting to possibly as they go forward together, if they get married, plan and have a family.

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So we're going to talk about a lot of things here. Raise your hand. If you have any kids, it doesn't matter how old they are. You have children. Okay. Put your hands down, raise your hand. If you have children at home, still that are still in some adolescence, some form of adolescence. Okay. So we have one person with the hand up. All right. Raise your hand. If you have grandkids already got some grandbabies, Oh, got some grandbabies already. Okay. All right.

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And so we will talk about what it looks like to blend families.

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And I'm just going to say something here is that, you know, everyone here comes from a

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family.

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And so regardless of whether you're divorced, uh, well, let me get, let me take that poll.

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Raise your hand if you're divorced.

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And then also raise your hand if you've been widowed or widower, any of that.

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Okay.

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Got a little bit of everything going on here.

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And then raise your hand if you've never been married three, three folks.

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Okay.

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Awesome.

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All right.

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So we're going to talk about everything.

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Okay.

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So I'm sharing my, my sample assessment.

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So this very first page, you guys, it's just about you.

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It's about the both of you.

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It's about your background.

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It's about your affiliations and your education.

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It's about, you know, your present and your past, what's your employment status now, your

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category.

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What about your parents' marriage?

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Are they divorced?

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Are they still married?

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Anyone here?

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Both parents still married.

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Raise your hand.

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Both parents still married.

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Look at all that.

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That's quite a bit of people.

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That's awesome.

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And then talking about your relationship with each other.

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You know, what's your relationship status?

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Have you been married before?

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Do you have any kids?

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What's the length?

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And you see here, expecting a child.

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Just so you guys know, Symbus, Les and Leslie Parrott, Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott, they

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are Christians, but Symbus is created for anyone to be able to take it.

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So that's why these, are you living together?

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Do you have, you know, expecting a child together?

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All of that is on here as well.

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Long distance relationship.

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Is it a long distance relationship?

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Okay.

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Do you see this blue starred section at the bottom of page one?

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The little blue asterisk section.

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Those are your homework sections.

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Those are the sections that will be assigned to you.

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And those are the sections that you will do together as a couple.

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00:21:51.280 --> 00:21:53.000
And then some of them you will share as a group.

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Okay.

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And I will tell you which is which.

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So just want to show you there.

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All right.

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00:21:58.480 --> 00:21:59.480
So here's the homework for next week.

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What are your goals together with Symbus?

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00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:07.560
You see that these two folks, okay, Chris and Tony, to obtain a clear picture of their

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personal and relational momentum for marriage, to gain new insights into their personalities

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00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:18.360
and how they work together, to gain new skills, to strengthen the relationship for lifelong

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love.

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When we just shared just now, Brian kind of already started talking about this.

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So he's the head of the curve.

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He's already talking about like what, why is he here?

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Right.

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And so go ahead and at least come up with three as a couple.

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And then you only have to share one next week.

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Okay.

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When we come together.

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00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:38.840
All right.

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Next page is our overview of marriage momentum.

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All right.

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What is this?

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This takes every single thing from your whole assessment and it gives you kind of a grade.

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That little speedometer at the top of this page is based on your compatibility through

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the entire assessment.

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Does anyone's marriage momentum meter point straight up or go to the left at all?

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Anybody, anybody halfway, only halfway up or less than halfway?

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All right.

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That's a good sign.

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00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:21.960
All right.

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So if your marriage momentum meter is halfway or to the right, that's good.

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That means that it took all the information from everything.

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And it said that you got a lot of compatibility.

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You got a lot of points to build on.

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You got a good foundation in which to build on.

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You guys, I have had plenty of couples who their marriage momentum meter was this way.

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And yeah, and so in one case though, this gentleman had misunderstood the instructions

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00:23:54.600 --> 00:24:02.800
for an entire section and basically put the opposite of what he actually really thought.

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00:24:02.800 --> 00:24:06.360
They couldn't understand because they were so compatible in real life and the marriage

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00:24:06.360 --> 00:24:11.800
momentum meter was like, and the reason why is because he misunderstood the directions

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00:24:11.800 --> 00:24:16.440
and he actually, he opposite answered.

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00:24:16.440 --> 00:24:17.920
And so sometimes that happens too.

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00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:18.920
All right.

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00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:25.080
So you see Tony and Chris at the very beginning of this page, it takes into account their

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00:24:25.080 --> 00:24:30.720
marriage mindset, their wellbeing scores, their context scores, and this is several

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00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:32.560
different sections in the assessment.

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00:24:32.560 --> 00:24:33.880
We'll get to all of that.

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And then their dynamic scores.

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All right.

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00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:38.800
And then at the bottom of page two, you see there's a book.

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00:24:38.800 --> 00:24:39.800
Okay.

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00:24:39.800 --> 00:24:41.080
Les and Leslie Parrott do have a book.

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We will not be using that book.

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You do not need to get it unless you want to.

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00:24:44.700 --> 00:24:48.640
If you want to do extra credit and you want to do that book together, I'm sure it's a

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00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:50.880
great book.

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00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:54.640
Plenty of people have done it, but we don't require it for this course.

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Trust me, you're going to do so much stuff in here that if you have time for that, God

460
00:24:58.560 --> 00:24:59.560
bless you.

461
00:24:59.560 --> 00:24:59.560


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00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.680
a lot of people don't have time for that. So the first page here, and we're going to,

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as soon as I get through the whole assessment, we're going to come back here. Mindset,

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resolute, rational, romantic, restless, reluctant. What is your marriage mindset? We all have a view

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of marriage. What's your mindset. What's your view. All right. And then how do your mindsets

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00:25:17.840 --> 00:25:23.440
with each other mess mesh. And then you see, there's a blue star section, next place. Wellbeing,

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00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:27.600
this is talking about your personal wellbeing, and then your wellbeing as a couple,

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00:25:28.160 --> 00:25:32.640
it takes into account any, I call them yellow flags. They're not red flags,

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00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:38.560
any yellow flags that you have as a couple. And we'll talk about today, because we're going to go

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00:25:38.560 --> 00:25:42.720
over this page. What's the difference between a yellow flag in relationship and a red flag in

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00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:47.360
relationship. We're going to talk about that. Okay. And how do we get those yellow flags to

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00:25:47.360 --> 00:25:52.320
turn green? And so this page is going to go over all of that stuff and then give you a score

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00:25:52.320 --> 00:25:57.680
of relationship wellbeing based on both of your percentages. Next, we get into our context,

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00:25:58.400 --> 00:26:05.680
context sections, social support. Very important. You guys, you're not just marrying a person.

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00:26:05.680 --> 00:26:12.640
You're marrying a community, right? A community of friends, sometimes of family. Okay. In my,

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00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:18.640
in my case, you know, when my husband married me, I was no contact with my family. I come from a

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00:26:18.640 --> 00:26:25.920
very abuse, abusive and unsafe family. Anybody else come from a family that, you know, they got

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00:26:25.920 --> 00:26:30.960
some issues. They might be trying to work it out the best they can, but you know, so it might not

479
00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:36.400
be your family. It might be friends or the family that you choose, right? It's not necessarily

480
00:26:36.400 --> 00:26:43.440
family. That is your social support. All right. Let's see. So in-laws on there, on their network

481
00:26:43.440 --> 00:26:48.720
of mutual friends, spiritual community is on there. All of that is there. And then we have

482
00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:54.560
a starred section at the, at the bottom of page five. All right, next finance is so important.

483
00:26:54.560 --> 00:27:02.320
You guys finances. What is our financial mindset as a couple out there? Statistics show that the,

484
00:27:02.320 --> 00:27:07.440
what are the top three reasons that couples get divorced is money. Did you know that? Did you

485
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:11.440
know that one of the top three reasons that couples get divorced is money and that's Christian

486
00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:20.000
couples y'all. That's not just worldly couples. The stress of debt can wreck a marriage,

487
00:27:20.960 --> 00:27:29.520
the stress of not having healthy mindsets towards resources can put a lot of undue pressure on a

488
00:27:29.520 --> 00:27:34.560
couple. And so we have the context of finances there. Are you a saver? Are you a spender? Do

489
00:27:34.560 --> 00:27:39.120
you have a budget? Don't you have a budget? And you know, what does money mean to you?

490
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:45.600
Money's a tool and in the hands of responsible people that are good stewards, it can do amazing

491
00:27:45.600 --> 00:27:50.960
things. And in the hands of irresponsible people that maybe have a bad relationship with money,

492
00:27:50.960 --> 00:27:57.680
it can cause a lot of problems. And so you see this section at the bottom of page six money talks,

493
00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:02.400
that's going to be a homework assignment because a lot of times your relationship with money has

494
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:06.320
been handed down generationally to you by the people that raised you.

495
00:28:09.120 --> 00:28:13.840
You got a lot of poverty mindsets is what we call them. And we've got to break those things.

496
00:28:13.840 --> 00:28:18.640
And there are people that have good relationship with money and money is not an issue for them.

497
00:28:18.640 --> 00:28:25.840
And so we will get down to the nitty gritty on page six, page seven, the context of expectations.

498
00:28:25.840 --> 00:28:31.280
And a lot of the expectations here are really kind of basic. Who's going to stay home with

499
00:28:31.280 --> 00:28:34.720
the children? Who's going to pay the bills and handle the finances? Who's going to cook? Who's

500
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:39.920
going to clean? Who's going to, um, I'm going to add some stuff to this when we get here,

501
00:28:40.560 --> 00:28:46.320
because I think these are really basic things. And, you know, depending on what you think about

502
00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:51.840
gender roles, that's going to be pretty easy to answer. I feel like this page is a little outdated

503
00:28:51.840 --> 00:28:57.200
for today's marriages. For me, today's marriages look more like West coast swing. Anyone ever

504
00:28:57.760 --> 00:29:05.120
happen where both partners, you know, are just kind of like intuitively moving and creating as

505
00:29:05.120 --> 00:29:11.840
they go along in our marriage, we divide and conquer with who's good at what who's good at

506
00:29:11.840 --> 00:29:17.920
what if you want something done fast, I'm your girl. If you want something done correctly,

507
00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:24.240
he's your guy. All right. So you wouldn't actually want me to paint something because I will get it

508
00:29:24.240 --> 00:29:30.080
done fast, but there will be all kinds of issues with the paint job. All right. But if you need

509
00:29:30.080 --> 00:29:33.680
something done fast, you guys, there's lots of times in life when something needs to be done

510
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:39.280
fast, quick decisions have to be made and things have to happen. I'm that person. I'm the pioneering

511
00:29:39.280 --> 00:29:47.680
spouse. Okay. That actually wasn't my result on here, but I'm the visionary spouse. And my husband

512
00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:53.680
is the implementer spouse. And so we make a great complimentary opposite team. We do,

513
00:29:53.680 --> 00:29:58.400
but sometimes because the word opposite is in there, remember it's complimentary opposite,

514
00:29:58.400 --> 00:29:59.760
but there's still an opposite.

515
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:01.800
And because there's an opposite,

516
00:30:01.800 --> 00:30:03.680
first of all, he's a man, I'm a woman,

517
00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:05.520
there's an opposite for you.

518
00:30:05.520 --> 00:30:07.320
And the other opposite,

519
00:30:07.320 --> 00:30:10.440
sometimes there's a little friction, a little conflict.

520
00:30:10.440 --> 00:30:11.480
In fact, I'm just gonna tell you,

521
00:30:11.480 --> 00:30:12.840
I don't trust people that tell me

522
00:30:12.840 --> 00:30:14.680
that they've never had an argument in their marriage.

523
00:30:14.680 --> 00:30:16.520
I'm like, oh, well,

524
00:30:16.520 --> 00:30:18.960
you must not have a very deep relationship then.

525
00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:23.360
Because conflict has the ability when it's done right,

526
00:30:23.360 --> 00:30:26.120
and it's done respectfully and in honor

527
00:30:26.120 --> 00:30:28.520
to draw you closer and to take you deeper.

528
00:30:28.520 --> 00:30:29.960
Very important stuff.

529
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:32.000
So expectation sheet.

530
00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:34.840
Next context, remarriage and blended family.

531
00:30:35.760 --> 00:30:40.320
That's not gonna be pertinent for all of you here today.

532
00:30:40.320 --> 00:30:41.920
During this group, it's not gonna be pertinent,

533
00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:44.000
but we are gonna talk about motivation

534
00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:45.840
to remarry, marriage readiness.

535
00:30:45.840 --> 00:30:47.920
We will talk about blending families,

536
00:30:47.920 --> 00:30:51.200
not just because of divorce or because of children,

537
00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:53.840
but also because there are two families

538
00:30:53.840 --> 00:30:55.480
that are coming together.

539
00:30:55.480 --> 00:30:56.320
And for some of you,

540
00:30:56.320 --> 00:30:57.720
it might not be two families coming together.

541
00:30:57.720 --> 00:31:02.240
You might have my story where you don't really have

542
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:04.160
a lot of really close, deep relationship

543
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:05.520
with your origin family.

544
00:31:05.520 --> 00:31:08.240
And so we'll talk about some of that during that context.

545
00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:09.400
Dynamics.

546
00:31:09.400 --> 00:31:11.720
This is where your personalities come into play.

547
00:31:11.720 --> 00:31:16.720
The assessment assigned you a spouse personality.

548
00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:20.640
So you see here, we have a cooperating spouse

549
00:31:20.640 --> 00:31:22.000
and an affirming spouse.

550
00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:25.000
And so how do those two personalities work together?

551
00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:27.240
The blue star section is at the bottom there.

552
00:31:28.280 --> 00:31:30.120
The next dynamic is going deeper

553
00:31:30.120 --> 00:31:32.480
into how those two personalities,

554
00:31:32.480 --> 00:31:34.880
what strengths do they bring to the table?

555
00:31:34.880 --> 00:31:37.240
What weaknesses do they bring to the table?

556
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:39.720
How do their styles affect each other

557
00:31:39.720 --> 00:31:43.520
in the areas of problem solving, influencing each other,

558
00:31:43.520 --> 00:31:46.320
reacting to change, making decisions.

559
00:31:46.320 --> 00:31:48.960
We have a blue star section at the bottom there.

560
00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:50.480
The dynamics of love.

561
00:31:51.680 --> 00:31:52.840
How do you define love?

562
00:31:52.840 --> 00:31:54.280
What does love mean to you?

563
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:56.480
What makes you feel loved?

564
00:31:56.480 --> 00:31:58.880
You guys, there's gonna be a lot of extracurricular

565
00:31:58.880 --> 00:32:00.440
little quizzes that you're gonna take

566
00:32:00.440 --> 00:32:01.560
that I'm gonna post in the group

567
00:32:01.560 --> 00:32:02.920
that are not on this assessment

568
00:32:02.920 --> 00:32:05.600
and not part of this assessment, okay?

569
00:32:05.600 --> 00:32:08.720
And then we'll use these here during this.

570
00:32:08.720 --> 00:32:11.480
So we talk about how do we define love?

571
00:32:11.480 --> 00:32:13.440
And then we'll talk about sex.

572
00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:15.160
Did y'all know that in the top three reasons

573
00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:18.040
people get divorced, I said, one was money.

574
00:32:18.040 --> 00:32:19.680
Who thinks one is sex?

575
00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:22.560
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

576
00:32:22.800 --> 00:32:26.680
Or lack of sex or incompatibility in sex

577
00:32:26.680 --> 00:32:31.360
or trauma that relates to sex or just all the things, okay?

578
00:32:31.360 --> 00:32:33.960
And so that is also one of the areas

579
00:32:33.960 --> 00:32:36.160
because a lot of people think intimacy and sex

580
00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:39.480
are interchangeable words and they're not.

581
00:32:39.480 --> 00:32:41.280
You can have sex without intimacy.

582
00:32:42.480 --> 00:32:45.200
Your body can come together with someone

583
00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:47.080
and your soul and spirit are not.

584
00:32:48.040 --> 00:32:52.000
So we're gonna talk about what good, healthy,

585
00:32:52.480 --> 00:32:56.400
covenant sex looks like as far as a place of safety,

586
00:32:56.400 --> 00:33:00.320
a place of being seen, known and loved.

587
00:33:00.320 --> 00:33:02.520
What does that look like to achieve that?

588
00:33:02.520 --> 00:33:05.680
Because a lot of people have never experienced that,

589
00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:08.840
that have already had sex because they've been married

590
00:33:08.840 --> 00:33:10.800
or because they've just had sex, right?

591
00:33:10.800 --> 00:33:13.360
And so blue star section at the bottom there.

592
00:33:13.360 --> 00:33:15.360
Dynamics, attitude.

593
00:33:15.360 --> 00:33:18.480
How does our personality affect our attitude

594
00:33:18.480 --> 00:33:20.680
and how does that affect the relationship?

595
00:33:20.680 --> 00:33:21.560
What does it look like?

596
00:33:22.080 --> 00:33:23.800
How do our attitudes mess with each other

597
00:33:23.800 --> 00:33:25.760
when facing a challenge specifically

598
00:33:25.760 --> 00:33:27.640
is what this is gonna go into.

599
00:33:27.640 --> 00:33:30.880
And how do you perceive your partner under stress?

600
00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:33.040
You guys, there's gonna be a lot of stress.

601
00:33:34.080 --> 00:33:38.040
We live in the year 2024 and no one is gonna live

602
00:33:38.040 --> 00:33:40.000
in this generation, in this era

603
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:41.160
that you've been matched with.

604
00:33:41.160 --> 00:33:43.520
God knew you could handle it and he puts you here.

605
00:33:43.520 --> 00:33:45.960
He dropped you in the timeline here,

606
00:33:45.960 --> 00:33:48.760
but you guys, do you know that school students,

607
00:33:48.760 --> 00:33:52.200
students that are still in school, in secondary school,

608
00:33:52.200 --> 00:33:56.080
in primary school, they are given a stress test

609
00:33:56.080 --> 00:33:59.880
that back in the fifties was given to college students

610
00:33:59.880 --> 00:34:02.240
and it shows what your stress levels are.

611
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:05.440
And back in the fifties, very few people tested

612
00:34:05.440 --> 00:34:07.880
as stressed on that test.

613
00:34:07.880 --> 00:34:11.520
Do you know that second graders are testing off that test?

614
00:34:11.520 --> 00:34:16.120
Second graders are testing off those charts of stressed out.

615
00:34:16.120 --> 00:34:18.560
My best friend is a first grade teacher

616
00:34:19.320 --> 00:34:21.920
and she said that half of her students are medicated.

617
00:34:21.920 --> 00:34:24.239
Y'all, this is the world that we live in.

618
00:34:25.120 --> 00:34:28.800
We all have stress, but how do we deal with stress?

619
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:31.719
How do we deal with stress in the relationship?

620
00:34:31.719 --> 00:34:36.560
During this, you're gonna be given another exercise

621
00:34:36.560 --> 00:34:39.400
called self-preservation techniques.

622
00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:41.600
Where do you go when you get stressed?

623
00:34:41.600 --> 00:34:43.679
How do you react when you get stressed?

624
00:34:43.679 --> 00:34:44.800
Are you a runner?

625
00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:45.880
Are you a fight?

626
00:34:45.880 --> 00:34:46.920
Are you a flight?

627
00:34:46.920 --> 00:34:47.800
Are you a freeze?

628
00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:48.920
Are you a fawn?

629
00:34:50.520 --> 00:34:52.639
Also, do you intellectualize?

630
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:53.760
Do you justify?

631
00:34:53.760 --> 00:34:54.920
Do you withdraw?

632
00:34:54.920 --> 00:34:55.960
Do you stonewall?

633
00:34:55.960 --> 00:34:59.920
There's like 50 different things on this sheet to-

634
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.880
kind of dig into and you're going to pick the ones that you go to.

635
00:35:04.920 --> 00:35:09.240
Those are your go-to when you're stressed out. Now to fight, flight, freeze,

636
00:35:09.240 --> 00:35:13.440
or fawn. Who, who wants to guess what mine is?

637
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:19.640
What do I seem like? Do I seem like a fight or a flight or a freeze or a fawn?

638
00:35:20.640 --> 00:35:24.280
Yeah, I got a little fight in me, right? Okay.

639
00:35:24.520 --> 00:35:28.600
I got a little fight in me, but my husband is a freeze.

640
00:35:29.600 --> 00:35:30.680
He's a freeze.

641
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:35.440
And so when there has been conflict in our marriage and I like come out with my

642
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:38.920
dukes up and he's just frozen like a deer in the headlights,

643
00:35:39.040 --> 00:35:42.480
what do you think we do next? Right?

644
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:43.640
What do we do?

645
00:35:43.640 --> 00:35:47.200
We're going to talk about this here as we get down into the next place,

646
00:35:47.200 --> 00:35:50.280
communication. How do these personalities communicate?

647
00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:52.240
How do they need to communicate?

648
00:35:52.680 --> 00:35:55.000
How would you like your partner to communicate with you?

649
00:35:55.520 --> 00:35:59.680
What causes you to withdraw when your partner comes at you?

650
00:36:00.200 --> 00:36:01.920
All right. I used to,

651
00:36:01.960 --> 00:36:05.560
I used to be in relationship with someone who would follow me during an

652
00:36:05.560 --> 00:36:07.840
argument would follow me around.

653
00:36:08.280 --> 00:36:11.480
When I was just trying to leave the argument would follow me around arguing

654
00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:14.720
with me. That's not a good idea. Okay.

655
00:36:15.640 --> 00:36:17.160
It's not a good idea to do that to someone,

656
00:36:17.160 --> 00:36:20.600
but some people are like that when it gets to a conflict,

657
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:25.040
how do you communicate? What communication skills do you need to improve?

658
00:36:25.680 --> 00:36:28.720
Okay. Gender. This is kind of a throwaway page. It's always the same,

659
00:36:28.720 --> 00:36:31.920
but down here, the top needs that you have. We'll go into that.

660
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:35.200
That's talking about as men, as women, what are our needs?

661
00:36:35.200 --> 00:36:38.160
What's the hierarchy of needs that we need? And then of course,

662
00:36:38.360 --> 00:36:41.040
down here, conflict is sort of out of order.

663
00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:45.160
And so I take that page and I put it up with communication. All right.

664
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:49.160
So some of these pages we will do out of order as we get in,

665
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:53.320
but I will always assign the pages for you to read at the end of today.

666
00:36:53.320 --> 00:36:57.560
I will tell you what I want you to read, what I want you to do. And you know,

667
00:36:57.560 --> 00:37:01.720
the starred sections I want you to finish. And if they're out of order,

668
00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:06.440
don't worry about that because I want to basically keep the main thing,

669
00:37:06.440 --> 00:37:09.520
the main thing when we're discussing. All right. So conflict,

670
00:37:09.520 --> 00:37:12.280
what does it look like? Personal conflict challenges?

671
00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:14.440
Where do you kind of fall off when it comes to conflict?

672
00:37:14.680 --> 00:37:17.400
What are going to be your hot topics in your relationship?

673
00:37:17.840 --> 00:37:22.640
What are going to be the things that trigger you or hit your button

674
00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:26.480
the most with each other, according to the assessment,

675
00:37:27.280 --> 00:37:31.320
two blue starred sections on this sheet. And then last, but of course,

676
00:37:31.320 --> 00:37:32.760
not least spirituality.

677
00:37:32.840 --> 00:37:36.600
What's it look like for the two of you guys to come together and to be that

678
00:37:36.600 --> 00:37:40.440
threefold core that Jesus talks about that cannot be easily broken.

679
00:37:41.320 --> 00:37:44.160
What does it mean for you to be tied to Christ,

680
00:37:44.160 --> 00:37:46.320
but then to be tied to each other, tied to Christ?

681
00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:51.040
What does that look like practically? And how are you going to walk that out?

682
00:37:52.520 --> 00:37:56.880
Cool. Does anyone have any questions at all about what we just

683
00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:02.320
very quickly, 30,000 foot overview of the assessment,

684
00:38:02.640 --> 00:38:03.480
anybody?

685
00:38:11.000 --> 00:38:13.640
Some of y'all look like you're being held hostage. I promise you,

686
00:38:13.640 --> 00:38:17.760
we're going to have fun. All right. Okay.

687
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:20.720
So I'm scrolling back up to the beginning. So let's get started guys.

688
00:38:20.720 --> 00:38:23.760
Ready to get started. All right. So remember your homework,

689
00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:26.840
go ahead and write it down. It's going to be the bottom of page one,

690
00:38:27.600 --> 00:38:29.920
come up with three goals that you have as a couple.

691
00:38:30.240 --> 00:38:33.840
By the end of the six weeks, you would like to answer these three questions.

692
00:38:33.840 --> 00:38:37.560
You would like to more clarity on these three subjects, whatever it is,

693
00:38:38.000 --> 00:38:42.200
write it out, make it a sentence, be prepared to share one of those goals.

694
00:38:44.560 --> 00:38:48.360
With the group when we come together. All right,

695
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:52.640
let's go ahead and get started. So overview to raise your hand.

696
00:38:52.640 --> 00:38:54.880
If you did not look over the assessment with each other,

697
00:38:54.880 --> 00:38:59.080
if you did not discuss your results with each other yet, anybody,

698
00:39:00.920 --> 00:39:03.320
all right, we're good. Then we can go ahead and get started. All right.

699
00:39:03.320 --> 00:39:06.480
So you see Tony here. Remember, these are not real people.

700
00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:11.320
Tony has a romantic mindset and Chris has a resolute

701
00:39:11.320 --> 00:39:15.760
mindset. And then Tony has three caution flags.

702
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:19.360
Remember guys are just yellow flags are not red. They're just yellow.

703
00:39:19.680 --> 00:39:23.240
And then Chris has zero caution flags.

704
00:39:23.680 --> 00:39:24.800
That's a red flag.

705
00:39:27.040 --> 00:39:32.000
And my book zero zero is maybe you didn't understand

706
00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:35.800
the question, or maybe you think that, you know, you're over it,

707
00:39:35.800 --> 00:39:37.960
but I promise you marriage will bring it out.

708
00:39:38.440 --> 00:39:42.040
And so it's important to, when you're looking at this, don't answer it.

709
00:39:42.080 --> 00:39:44.640
Don't answer the questions from your ideal self,

710
00:39:44.680 --> 00:39:47.120
answer the questions from your real self.

711
00:39:47.520 --> 00:39:49.640
Because everyone knows the difference between those two things.

712
00:39:51.080 --> 00:39:54.120
There definitely is an ideal us, the person that we would like to be,

713
00:39:54.120 --> 00:39:56.560
the person that we tell ourselves that we are,

714
00:39:56.880 --> 00:39:58.760
but then there's the person that we really are.

715
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.460
And it's important when you take assessments like this,

716
00:40:03.460 --> 00:40:05.100
that you take them from your real self

717
00:40:05.100 --> 00:40:06.420
and not your ideal self.

718
00:40:06.420 --> 00:40:08.740
And you guys, that's why I don't really like personality tests

719
00:40:08.740 --> 00:40:11.500
because it's very difficult to not take personality tests

720
00:40:11.500 --> 00:40:15.620
from your ideal self, from the person

721
00:40:15.620 --> 00:40:19.620
that you kind of wish you were, and sometimes are,

722
00:40:19.620 --> 00:40:21.100
but a lot of times aren't.

723
00:40:21.100 --> 00:40:22.940
And so that's what happens here.

724
00:40:22.940 --> 00:40:24.700
And this is probably what happened to Chris.

725
00:40:24.700 --> 00:40:27.780
He was just trying to, if you read

726
00:40:27.780 --> 00:40:29.140
the rest of the assessment, you see

727
00:40:29.140 --> 00:40:31.020
that Chris is the kind of guy who just wants

728
00:40:31.020 --> 00:40:32.220
to get along with everyone.

729
00:40:32.220 --> 00:40:34.020
He just wants there to be peace.

730
00:40:34.020 --> 00:40:35.900
He doesn't want there to be any conflict.

731
00:40:35.900 --> 00:40:37.860
And so because of that, maybe that's

732
00:40:37.860 --> 00:40:40.820
why he didn't answer those questions deeper, right?

733
00:40:40.820 --> 00:40:42.660
Once again, Chris is not a real person,

734
00:40:42.660 --> 00:40:44.780
but I just think it's important to say.

735
00:40:44.780 --> 00:40:48.340
All right, so it shows their score on context.

736
00:40:48.340 --> 00:40:50.140
What does that mean right here where it's all

737
00:40:50.140 --> 00:40:50.940
kind of filled in?

738
00:40:50.940 --> 00:40:54.940
It means that they have a lot in common.

739
00:40:54.940 --> 00:40:56.780
See that?

740
00:40:56.780 --> 00:40:57.740
A lot.

741
00:40:57.740 --> 00:40:58.740
It's good.

742
00:40:59.020 --> 00:41:01.660
And the cooperating spouse and the affirming spouse

743
00:41:01.660 --> 00:41:04.860
are their personality dynamics.

744
00:41:04.860 --> 00:41:08.740
So we're going to get right into mindset.

745
00:41:08.740 --> 00:41:10.020
All right, let's have some fun.

746
00:41:10.020 --> 00:41:11.380
OK, so I have the chat open.

747
00:41:11.380 --> 00:41:13.740
If you don't want to unmute yourself, you don't have to.

748
00:41:13.740 --> 00:41:14.980
You can just post in the chat.

749
00:41:14.980 --> 00:41:16.540
Go ahead and put your results.

750
00:41:16.540 --> 00:41:19.100
If you're together in the Zoom window, which most of you

751
00:41:19.100 --> 00:41:22.100
are, except I think only Brian and Megan aren't,

752
00:41:22.100 --> 00:41:23.980
go ahead and tell us who is who.

753
00:41:23.980 --> 00:41:26.860
Give us your results for this.

754
00:41:26.860 --> 00:41:31.740
So for instance, you would put Belinda, Rational, and you

755
00:41:31.740 --> 00:41:34.700
know, I'm sorry, I forgot your name already.

756
00:41:34.700 --> 00:41:35.540
What's wrong with me?

757
00:41:44.260 --> 00:41:47.060
We both are Resolute Mindset.

758
00:41:47.060 --> 00:41:49.420
OK, so I was just giving an example.

759
00:41:49.420 --> 00:41:50.940
But yes, go ahead and put that down.

760
00:41:50.940 --> 00:41:52.340
If both of you are the same thing,

761
00:41:52.340 --> 00:41:54.220
then just put both of you are the same thing.

762
00:41:54.220 --> 00:41:54.740
OK.

763
00:41:56.860 --> 00:41:59.660
All right, so Brian is a Romantic.

764
00:41:59.660 --> 00:42:02.060
We have a bunch of Romantic Mindsets during this class.

765
00:42:02.060 --> 00:42:04.620
OK, so Brian tested as Romantic.

766
00:42:04.620 --> 00:42:07.940
Belinda, both are Resolute.

767
00:42:07.940 --> 00:42:09.740
Megan, Pioneering.

768
00:42:09.740 --> 00:42:12.100
No, that's not the one.

769
00:42:12.100 --> 00:42:15.900
I want your mindset, not your personality.

770
00:42:15.900 --> 00:42:18.140
Margie and Scott, both are Romantic.

771
00:42:18.140 --> 00:42:23.060
And Beth and Joe are both Resolute.

772
00:42:23.060 --> 00:42:25.140
And then Bruce and Terry are both Resolute.

773
00:42:25.140 --> 00:42:28.340
So Megan, which one do you have?

774
00:42:28.340 --> 00:42:28.860
Resolute.

775
00:42:28.860 --> 00:42:31.020
Sorry, I was on the wrong page.

776
00:42:31.020 --> 00:42:33.460
OK, yeah, we're just on, what is this?

777
00:42:33.460 --> 00:42:35.580
We're on page three.

778
00:42:35.580 --> 00:42:36.580
OK.

779
00:42:36.580 --> 00:42:39.580
All right, so it gives you a little synopsis

780
00:42:39.580 --> 00:42:44.140
of what that means when you test out as Resolute or Rational

781
00:42:44.140 --> 00:42:44.860
or Romantic.

782
00:42:44.860 --> 00:42:47.260
It looks like everyone here, everyone

783
00:42:47.260 --> 00:42:50.580
tested out as either Resolute or Romantic.

784
00:42:50.580 --> 00:42:52.860
OK.

785
00:42:52.900 --> 00:42:55.900
Resolute Mindsets, you guys, none of these

786
00:42:55.900 --> 00:42:57.060
are better than the other.

787
00:42:57.060 --> 00:42:59.940
They all have pros and cons, except for the Reluctant

788
00:42:59.940 --> 00:43:01.660
or Restless Mindsets.

789
00:43:01.660 --> 00:43:03.380
The Reluctant and Restless Mindsets

790
00:43:03.380 --> 00:43:07.540
are people who are really not sure about commitment at all.

791
00:43:07.540 --> 00:43:09.900
OK, and those mindsets, when people test out

792
00:43:09.900 --> 00:43:11.700
as those mindsets, there's usually

793
00:43:11.700 --> 00:43:15.380
a lot of other things that need to be unpacked in order for them

794
00:43:15.380 --> 00:43:17.220
to be able to make a commitment.

795
00:43:17.220 --> 00:43:19.820
But if you're Resolute, Rational, or Romantic,

796
00:43:19.820 --> 00:43:21.380
once again, there's pros and cons.

797
00:43:23.940 --> 00:43:25.940
Resolute Mindsets are the ride or dies.

798
00:43:25.940 --> 00:43:27.140
They're not going to give up.

799
00:43:27.140 --> 00:43:28.180
They're not going to give in.

800
00:43:28.180 --> 00:43:29.700
They're not going to quit on marriage.

801
00:43:29.700 --> 00:43:31.220
For them, marriage is for life.

802
00:43:31.220 --> 00:43:33.820
The problem is that if you're an abusive marriage

803
00:43:33.820 --> 00:43:35.300
and you think that it's for life,

804
00:43:35.300 --> 00:43:36.300
then you're the kind of person that's

805
00:43:36.300 --> 00:43:39.500
going to keep showing up and keep trying to make it work.

806
00:43:39.500 --> 00:43:42.740
So you see how that could kind of work against you in some ways?

807
00:43:42.740 --> 00:43:44.540
It could, right?

808
00:43:44.540 --> 00:43:48.700
And then because the only other test result in this group

809
00:43:48.700 --> 00:43:50.980
is Romantic, Romantic Mindset's great.

810
00:43:50.980 --> 00:43:54.060
You can make a quick attachment, a quick connection.

811
00:43:54.060 --> 00:43:57.820
Romantic people have a tendency to fall in love a lot quicker.

812
00:43:57.820 --> 00:43:59.540
Not always, but a lot of times.

813
00:43:59.540 --> 00:44:03.380
But the problem is that Romantic Mindset, a lot of times

814
00:44:03.380 --> 00:44:08.820
when the going gets a little bit rougher, they get going.

815
00:44:08.820 --> 00:44:12.060
They can't really handle a lot of times the everyday.

816
00:44:12.060 --> 00:44:14.540
They think that it's all kind of supposed

817
00:44:14.540 --> 00:44:18.380
to be that infatuation stage of relationship.

818
00:44:18.580 --> 00:44:20.100
But I'm going to tell you, science

819
00:44:20.100 --> 00:44:23.980
has proven that infatuation, the feelings of dopamine that

820
00:44:23.980 --> 00:44:28.940
are connected to infatuation, cannot last more than 30

821
00:44:28.940 --> 00:44:30.380
months.

822
00:44:30.380 --> 00:44:31.900
They won't.

823
00:44:31.900 --> 00:44:32.980
They can't.

824
00:44:32.980 --> 00:44:34.580
So that's just a little over two years.

825
00:44:34.580 --> 00:44:38.300
And I personally think that's long,

826
00:44:38.300 --> 00:44:41.100
being in the infatuation stage, unless you're maybe

827
00:44:41.100 --> 00:44:45.540
not together and sort of at a distance.

828
00:44:45.540 --> 00:44:50.580
But I will tell you that that's something

829
00:44:50.580 --> 00:44:52.780
that will wear off, especially when you're

830
00:44:52.780 --> 00:44:55.300
cohabitating in marriage.

831
00:44:55.300 --> 00:44:59.180
People are leaving the toilet seat up, right?

832
00:44:59.180 --> 00:45:01.260
People are doing.

833
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.200
and gross stuff. And you're just like, Oh, that's gross. That

834
00:45:04.200 --> 00:45:07.840
that'll definitely pop a rose colored romance bubble really

835
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:13.000
fast. When someone is stinky, or you know, their tone of voice is

836
00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:17.760
yucky towards you. You know, you were you were a princess or a

837
00:45:17.760 --> 00:45:21.600
prince, and now their tone of voice is like, right, because

838
00:45:21.600 --> 00:45:24.440
they're being triggered. And now they're in their fear response.

839
00:45:24.640 --> 00:45:28.480
And so that's what the romantic mindset has to look out for.

840
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:33.840
Okay, so for those of you that are both resolute, for those of

841
00:45:33.840 --> 00:45:36.800
you that are both resolute, make sure that you're not rigid. A

842
00:45:36.800 --> 00:45:41.320
lot of times a resolute mindset can be kind of like, rule based,

843
00:45:41.760 --> 00:45:44.600
or, you know, right and wrong, black and white, wrong and

844
00:45:44.600 --> 00:45:47.040
right, let's make sure that we're not doing that. And for

845
00:45:47.040 --> 00:45:50.480
those of you that are romantic mindset, let's make sure that

846
00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:56.080
we're able to deal with reality, the reality of the relationship,

847
00:45:57.040 --> 00:46:00.280
relationship, all relationship, including good relationship is

848
00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:04.280
going to be hard. It's going to stretch you, it's supposed to,

849
00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:09.280
it's God's maturity plan, it's supposed to mature you. It's

850
00:46:09.280 --> 00:46:14.840
supposed to get selfishness out of you. And so that is one of

851
00:46:14.840 --> 00:46:19.840
the things that you got to watch out for with that. Okay. All

852
00:46:19.840 --> 00:46:24.120
right. So how do your mindsets mesh together? So if you had

853
00:46:24.120 --> 00:46:29.600
romantic and resolute as your, as your result, then you'll see

854
00:46:29.600 --> 00:46:33.120
just like Tony and Chris, how those mindsets mesh. And then if

855
00:46:33.120 --> 00:46:37.040
you're both resolute, as some of you are, or both romantic as one

856
00:46:37.040 --> 00:46:40.840
of you are, then you'll see how those mindsets mesh. And then on

857
00:46:40.840 --> 00:46:43.600
the bottom here, what do you think about your results? What

858
00:46:43.600 --> 00:46:46.640
makes you feel good? And what concerns you at this stage? And

859
00:46:46.640 --> 00:46:50.640
why? That's what we're going to do right now. All right. So who

860
00:46:50.640 --> 00:46:54.000
wants to answer the question of what you think about your

861
00:46:54.000 --> 00:46:58.080
results? Do you agree with your result? Do you think that it the

862
00:46:58.080 --> 00:47:00.880
thing that it assigns you is correct about you for the most

863
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:04.000
part? Nothing's perfectly correct, but for the most part,

864
00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:09.960
and then what what do you feel good about and or what might

865
00:47:09.960 --> 00:47:14.600
concern you about your result? Who would like to share?

866
00:47:14.600 --> 00:47:25.600
Yeah, I'll go first, just to avoid too much dead airtime. I,

867
00:47:25.600 --> 00:47:28.200
for myself, I'm not going to speak for Belinda in this case,

868
00:47:28.200 --> 00:47:32.920
but for myself, I definitely agree that I have a resolute

869
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:42.600
mindset. And I, based on on my relationship past, am, I'm not

870
00:47:43.120 --> 00:47:49.280
and I feel good about the fact that we are, we both have the

871
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:55.720
same mindset. We're both resolute in that we are

872
00:47:56.640 --> 00:48:00.200
committed to making it work. I don't have any anticipation or

873
00:48:00.200 --> 00:48:06.600
expectation of any sort of abusive relationship. But in my

874
00:48:06.600 --> 00:48:11.440
past, I have been with somebody that was a romantic and they

875
00:48:11.440 --> 00:48:18.480
were, as you said, they, when regular life happened, that

876
00:48:19.000 --> 00:48:22.800
destroyed the relationship in ways that we won't go into

877
00:48:22.800 --> 00:48:23.280
today.

878
00:48:25.400 --> 00:48:29.400
Yeah, you know, I think it's important to note that anybody

879
00:48:29.400 --> 00:48:33.440
can be these mindsets and also be healthy, right? So you're

880
00:48:33.440 --> 00:48:36.520
talking about someone with it who's unhealthy and also with a

881
00:48:36.520 --> 00:48:40.400
romantic kind of mindset. And so I think that's important. So

882
00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:44.720
okay, so that's a great share. Thank you for sharing. Belinda,

883
00:48:44.720 --> 00:48:47.360
did you want to add anything to that? Does anyone else want to

884
00:48:47.720 --> 00:48:49.920
say anything? Belinda, you can go first, though.

885
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:54.760
Um, no, I was I'm actually in agreement. I was it gave me

886
00:48:54.800 --> 00:48:59.920
reassurance that we actually had the same mindset about marriage.

887
00:48:59.920 --> 00:49:05.400
So I felt good about that. And I don't have any concerns or fears

888
00:49:05.400 --> 00:49:08.280
at this point about it. So I would agree with Eric on that.

889
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:12.560
Good. Awesome. Anybody else want to share on this one?

890
00:49:14.880 --> 00:49:15.320
Yeah.

891
00:49:18.360 --> 00:49:23.440
We're both resolute. And I really feel good about that. Beth

892
00:49:23.440 --> 00:49:27.800
hasn't been married, I have. And I think I also probably went

893
00:49:27.800 --> 00:49:33.040
through similar scenario of an idealist. And when out of

894
00:49:33.040 --> 00:49:37.200
balance, it just can create a very tumultuous relationship.

895
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:42.120
But if you're both dedicated to the idea of marriage, when

896
00:49:42.120 --> 00:49:45.920
things go wrong, instead of drawing inward, I think if

897
00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:48.720
you're truly dedicated to the marriage, you're going to reach

898
00:49:48.720 --> 00:49:51.760
to each other and try and make it work. That gives me a lot of

899
00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:52.080
hope.

900
00:49:54.360 --> 00:49:59.000
Yeah, that's good. Guys, there's no ideal marriage. There's your

901
00:49:59.000 --> 00:49:59.680
marriage.

902
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.600
There's no ideal marriage.

903
00:50:01.600 --> 00:50:02.960
There's no ideal dating.

904
00:50:02.960 --> 00:50:04.400
There's no ideal courtship.

905
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:06.080
There's no ideal engagement.

906
00:50:06.640 --> 00:50:08.400
There's your story.

907
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:09.680
Your story is unique.

908
00:50:09.680 --> 00:50:12.320
Just as unique as your fingerprint.

909
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:14.560
Just as unique as God knitting you together

910
00:50:14.560 --> 00:50:15.840
in your mother's womb.

911
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:18.800
You know, each story is unique and it's different.

912
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:20.320
And that's why we do a disservice

913
00:50:20.320 --> 00:50:22.720
when we compare our stories to other people's.

914
00:50:22.720 --> 00:50:25.760
And we say, well, if my story doesn't have these components

915
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:27.520
and it must not be a God story,

916
00:50:27.520 --> 00:50:29.360
or it must not be a spirit mate match,

917
00:50:30.320 --> 00:50:32.000
I must not have that good of a marriage

918
00:50:32.000 --> 00:50:33.840
because I don't have a marriage like these people.

919
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:37.520
And I love when people tell their stories

920
00:50:37.520 --> 00:50:40.000
of how they met each other and how they fell in love

921
00:50:40.640 --> 00:50:44.160
from platforms, from churches, on podcasts as Christians.

922
00:50:44.160 --> 00:50:45.600
But the one thing that I don't like,

923
00:50:45.600 --> 00:50:46.960
and this is why I'm very careful about

924
00:50:46.960 --> 00:50:50.240
when I retell stories of my success stories in my groups,

925
00:50:50.800 --> 00:50:53.040
is that helping people understand

926
00:50:53.040 --> 00:50:54.720
that this is not a template.

927
00:50:55.760 --> 00:50:57.760
What I'm telling you right now is not a template.

928
00:50:58.560 --> 00:50:59.600
This is their story.

929
00:50:59.600 --> 00:51:01.040
This is the way it worked for them,

930
00:51:01.600 --> 00:51:03.280
but it doesn't mean that that's the way

931
00:51:03.280 --> 00:51:04.240
that it's gonna look for you.

932
00:51:04.960 --> 00:51:06.960
And so that's really important.

933
00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:08.240
Okay, good stuff.

934
00:51:08.240 --> 00:51:09.920
Anybody else wanna share on this?

935
00:51:13.280 --> 00:51:13.920
Yeah, we'll start.

936
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:14.400
We'll share.

937
00:51:16.640 --> 00:51:18.640
Me and Margie are both romantic mindsets.

938
00:51:21.040 --> 00:51:26.240
From my perspective, I completely agree with that for me.

939
00:51:28.720 --> 00:51:31.120
You know, that makes me feel good

940
00:51:31.120 --> 00:51:33.840
that we're both in that same romantic mindset.

941
00:51:35.280 --> 00:51:38.240
You know, concern that, you know, I have,

942
00:51:39.680 --> 00:51:42.400
I think before you even mentioned it, Jackie,

943
00:51:42.400 --> 00:51:48.160
was, you know, how long does that last, right?

944
00:51:48.160 --> 00:51:49.840
You're in the honeymoon stage per se.

945
00:51:50.480 --> 00:51:53.360
So now we, you know, we come together

946
00:51:53.360 --> 00:51:55.440
and how do we keep, you know,

947
00:51:55.440 --> 00:51:57.200
how do you keep that spice going?

948
00:51:57.200 --> 00:51:58.480
You know, you have date nights

949
00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:00.960
and we discussed that and, you know,

950
00:52:00.960 --> 00:52:03.120
and we know things are gonna up and down

951
00:52:03.120 --> 00:52:05.280
over the timeframe of our marriage,

952
00:52:05.280 --> 00:52:08.000
but we both have the, you know,

953
00:52:08.000 --> 00:52:13.040
the will and the drive to keep that mindset

954
00:52:13.040 --> 00:52:16.560
in the forefront of our marriage, if that makes sense.

955
00:52:18.480 --> 00:52:18.980
You?

956
00:52:19.360 --> 00:52:20.080
Yeah, I agree.

957
00:52:22.320 --> 00:52:24.320
Yeah, and what you're saying is important.

958
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:26.480
You're saying that, hey, we're gonna do the work.

959
00:52:26.480 --> 00:52:28.960
We're gonna continue to make each other feel valued,

960
00:52:29.680 --> 00:52:33.440
you know, and, you know, and important, and that's good.

961
00:52:34.240 --> 00:52:35.920
But if life comes at us fast,

962
00:52:35.920 --> 00:52:38.400
this is what we need to know for both romantics.

963
00:52:38.400 --> 00:52:39.840
If life comes at us fast,

964
00:52:39.840 --> 00:52:42.560
if something happens in the relationship

965
00:52:42.560 --> 00:52:43.840
that's just not that fun,

966
00:52:43.840 --> 00:52:45.200
and it's just not that sexy,

967
00:52:45.200 --> 00:52:48.960
and it doesn't let us be able to go on date nights

968
00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:49.600
and do that stuff,

969
00:52:49.600 --> 00:52:51.120
that we're still gonna be committed

970
00:52:51.840 --> 00:52:55.760
to showing each other love in other ways, right?

971
00:52:56.640 --> 00:52:57.760
And you guys, we'll talk a little bit

972
00:52:57.760 --> 00:52:59.120
about love languages.

973
00:52:59.120 --> 00:53:01.920
There's a couple, you know, love languages

974
00:53:01.920 --> 00:53:05.200
that would be very appealing to maybe a romantic mindset.

975
00:53:05.200 --> 00:53:06.640
And there's other love languages

976
00:53:06.640 --> 00:53:08.160
that are a little kind of practical,

977
00:53:08.160 --> 00:53:10.720
sort of boring, more like everyday type of stuff.

978
00:53:11.280 --> 00:53:13.200
And I am gonna give you guys

979
00:53:13.200 --> 00:53:15.680
all an attachment style quiz to take.

980
00:53:15.680 --> 00:53:17.280
We actually created this quiz,

981
00:53:17.280 --> 00:53:21.040
and I'm gonna put it in your group,

982
00:53:21.040 --> 00:53:23.440
in your Facebook group right after tonight's session.

983
00:53:23.440 --> 00:53:26.000
Please take that because it's not just about

984
00:53:26.000 --> 00:53:28.000
what is your mindset,

985
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:29.920
but then also coupled with that,

986
00:53:29.920 --> 00:53:31.600
what is your attachment style?

987
00:53:31.600 --> 00:53:33.440
Because attachment style plus mindset

988
00:53:33.440 --> 00:53:35.040
are important to take a look at.

989
00:53:35.040 --> 00:53:37.120
Like for instance, if I have a romantic mindset,

990
00:53:37.120 --> 00:53:39.040
but I'm also an anxious attacher,

991
00:53:39.040 --> 00:53:40.240
ooh, that could be trouble.

992
00:53:41.520 --> 00:53:44.000
That could turn into a red flag bill

993
00:53:44.000 --> 00:53:46.560
because if I'm an anxious attacher

994
00:53:46.560 --> 00:53:48.400
and also a romantic idealist,

995
00:53:49.040 --> 00:53:51.680
then I'm going to, you know,

996
00:53:51.680 --> 00:53:53.680
probably not be able to handle

997
00:53:53.680 --> 00:53:56.000
the natural withdrawal of relationship.

998
00:53:56.000 --> 00:53:57.600
You can't be with someone 24 seven.

999
00:53:58.240 --> 00:54:00.160
If I don't have security inside of myself,

1000
00:54:00.160 --> 00:54:02.560
and I'm always looking for my security in you,

1001
00:54:02.560 --> 00:54:03.840
you're not gonna ever be able

1002
00:54:03.840 --> 00:54:05.040
to pay enough attention to me

1003
00:54:05.040 --> 00:54:07.600
to make me feel fixed, right?

1004
00:54:08.240 --> 00:54:10.800
And so those dynamics kind of start to cause

1005
00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:12.640
there to be a little bit of dysfunction.

1006
00:54:12.640 --> 00:54:15.440
If I have a romantic mindset,

1007
00:54:15.440 --> 00:54:17.280
and then I'm a avoidant attacher,

1008
00:54:17.840 --> 00:54:21.120
then I have the idealism that there's one for me.

1009
00:54:21.120 --> 00:54:22.640
And then I might think you're the one,

1010
00:54:22.640 --> 00:54:24.960
but as soon as things start to go a little weird,

1011
00:54:24.960 --> 00:54:27.360
or I start to see different sides of it,

1012
00:54:27.360 --> 00:54:29.600
or I start to have an emotional hangover,

1013
00:54:29.600 --> 00:54:31.280
I start overthinking things,

1014
00:54:31.280 --> 00:54:32.560
then I might start pulling away

1015
00:54:32.560 --> 00:54:34.720
because I'm avoidant, right?

1016
00:54:34.720 --> 00:54:38.160
And now my romantic mindset is an Achilles heel for me

1017
00:54:38.160 --> 00:54:40.240
because of my attachment style.

1018
00:54:40.960 --> 00:54:42.640
And then the other way around as well,

1019
00:54:42.640 --> 00:54:46.000
if I'm a resolute, but I'm also an avoidant,

1020
00:54:46.000 --> 00:54:48.240
then I'm also not going to ever wanna make

1021
00:54:48.240 --> 00:54:49.760
a commitment to anyone

1022
00:54:49.760 --> 00:54:51.040
because I'm resolute, right?

1023
00:54:51.040 --> 00:54:52.240
I'm a ride or die.

1024
00:54:52.240 --> 00:54:54.160
Once I make a commitment, that's it.

1025
00:54:54.160 --> 00:54:56.240
I'm in, I'm all in a hundred percent.

1026
00:54:56.240 --> 00:54:57.840
And so it's gonna take me a lot longer

1027
00:54:57.840 --> 00:54:58.800
to make that commitment

1028
00:54:58.800 --> 00:54:59.840
because of my attachment style.

1029
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.200
Do you guys get where I'm going here?

1030
00:55:02.200 --> 00:55:04.520
It's important to put all these pieces together.

1031
00:55:04.520 --> 00:55:07.160
One thing I want to make sure that I tell you on this page

1032
00:55:07.160 --> 00:55:10.080
is that you notice that it says marriage mindset.

1033
00:55:10.080 --> 00:55:11.920
Doesn't say marriage heart posture.

1034
00:55:13.240 --> 00:55:14.800
And the reason why I want to point that out

1035
00:55:14.800 --> 00:55:17.440
is because marriage is a heart game, not a mind game.

1036
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:21.280
It's important in the area of romance

1037
00:55:21.280 --> 00:55:22.280
more than anything else,

1038
00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:26.160
the area of romantic relationship, romantic partnership.

1039
00:55:27.560 --> 00:55:29.680
Unlike any other partnership that you might have,

1040
00:55:29.680 --> 00:55:32.000
a business partnership, a family partnership,

1041
00:55:32.000 --> 00:55:33.680
a friend partnership,

1042
00:55:33.680 --> 00:55:35.240
you can have covenant relationships

1043
00:55:35.240 --> 00:55:37.200
that are not sexual or romantic.

1044
00:55:38.200 --> 00:55:43.200
But in a sexual romantic relationship, marriage,

1045
00:55:43.320 --> 00:55:46.320
you have to follow your heart, but take your head with you.

1046
00:55:47.320 --> 00:55:48.440
You have to follow your heart.

1047
00:55:48.440 --> 00:55:50.440
And that's why the heart works so important.

1048
00:55:50.440 --> 00:55:52.040
You have to have a healed, healthy, and whole heart

1049
00:55:52.040 --> 00:55:53.720
of what you're operating out of,

1050
00:55:53.720 --> 00:55:56.640
or at least getting there, headed that direction.

1051
00:55:56.680 --> 00:56:01.160
Because otherwise, you might get into an analysis paralysis.

1052
00:56:01.160 --> 00:56:02.320
You might get into a place

1053
00:56:02.320 --> 00:56:04.720
where you're never really able to move forward.

1054
00:56:04.720 --> 00:56:06.280
And I see this so much

1055
00:56:06.280 --> 00:56:08.800
in the millennial generation of my students.

1056
00:56:08.800 --> 00:56:12.320
They really have a hard time moving forward in relationship

1057
00:56:12.320 --> 00:56:14.880
because they get stuck

1058
00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:16.360
because of what we're talking about right now,

1059
00:56:16.360 --> 00:56:17.400
because of overthinking

1060
00:56:17.400 --> 00:56:19.720
and because of attachment style and different things.

1061
00:56:19.720 --> 00:56:21.640
Now, a lot of you have already been married,

1062
00:56:21.640 --> 00:56:24.680
so you've already basically broken the seal on that.

1063
00:56:24.680 --> 00:56:26.200
You know what it takes to be married.

1064
00:56:26.760 --> 00:56:28.600
You know what bad marriage or good marriage,

1065
00:56:28.600 --> 00:56:31.040
for those of you that are widowed, look like.

1066
00:56:31.040 --> 00:56:34.520
And so it's gonna be even more important

1067
00:56:34.520 --> 00:56:38.360
for you to trust your heart, follow your heart,

1068
00:56:38.360 --> 00:56:39.720
take your head with you.

1069
00:56:39.720 --> 00:56:40.920
In other areas of your life,

1070
00:56:40.920 --> 00:56:42.440
you might follow your head, take your heart with you,

1071
00:56:42.440 --> 00:56:44.360
but in this area, you must follow your heart,

1072
00:56:44.360 --> 00:56:46.160
take your head with you.

1073
00:56:46.160 --> 00:56:47.480
Makes sense to everyone?

1074
00:56:48.760 --> 00:56:52.160
You wanna live wholeheartedly, heart-centered.

1075
00:56:52.160 --> 00:56:53.880
It's gotta be a heart-centered situation.

1076
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:55.440
All right, we're gonna go ahead and move on.

1077
00:56:55.480 --> 00:56:57.200
Let me see what time it is, right?

1078
00:56:58.320 --> 00:57:03.320
Gonna go ahead and move on to our wellbeing page right here.

1079
00:57:03.840 --> 00:57:04.680
So you see at the top,

1080
00:57:04.680 --> 00:57:06.360
it says your marriage can only be as healthy

1081
00:57:06.360 --> 00:57:07.960
as the two of you.

1082
00:57:07.960 --> 00:57:10.800
You're the sum total of the relationship, the two of you.

1083
00:57:12.480 --> 00:57:15.720
And I know I can attest for every woman here

1084
00:57:15.720 --> 00:57:18.920
that they have all done their heart work.

1085
00:57:18.920 --> 00:57:22.040
They have all been working diligently on becoming healthy.

1086
00:57:22.040 --> 00:57:24.040
Some of them started out, you know,

1087
00:57:24.040 --> 00:57:26.400
in way different place of health than others

1088
00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:27.960
because of the things that they've been through

1089
00:57:27.960 --> 00:57:29.120
and experienced.

1090
00:57:29.120 --> 00:57:31.800
Some of them dealing with complex PDSD.

1091
00:57:31.800 --> 00:57:33.600
I see several of you here, ladies,

1092
00:57:33.600 --> 00:57:35.240
that I know your backstories,

1093
00:57:35.240 --> 00:57:37.240
and I know that you've been through some things.

1094
00:57:37.240 --> 00:57:40.080
Gentlemen, I don't know you as well, I apologize,

1095
00:57:40.080 --> 00:57:41.720
but men have trauma too.

1096
00:57:42.720 --> 00:57:45.400
And you can actually, you know, you can actually,

1097
00:57:45.400 --> 00:57:47.000
a lot of people don't think that they have trauma

1098
00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:48.880
because their parents didn't get divorced

1099
00:57:48.880 --> 00:57:50.280
or, you know, fill in the blank,

1100
00:57:50.280 --> 00:57:52.400
whatever you think traumatized people look like,

1101
00:57:52.400 --> 00:57:54.440
that didn't happen to you.

1102
00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:56.160
I write this in the very beginning of my book,

1103
00:57:56.160 --> 00:57:59.800
The Heart Work, and that is everybody suffers.

1104
00:57:59.800 --> 00:58:01.160
Everybody suffers.

1105
00:58:01.160 --> 00:58:03.440
In this age and generation that we live in,

1106
00:58:03.440 --> 00:58:06.040
there is no one that has not experienced trauma.

1107
00:58:07.200 --> 00:58:08.840
You might not call it that,

1108
00:58:08.840 --> 00:58:11.000
you might not recognize it as that,

1109
00:58:11.000 --> 00:58:12.880
but one thing I wanna make sure that we know

1110
00:58:12.880 --> 00:58:17.560
is that trauma, maybe you had the same job

1111
00:58:17.560 --> 00:58:18.400
out of high school

1112
00:58:18.400 --> 00:58:20.840
and you really dedicated yourself to that company,

1113
00:58:20.840 --> 00:58:23.560
and then they started laying people off

1114
00:58:23.560 --> 00:58:24.560
and they laid you off

1115
00:58:24.560 --> 00:58:28.120
after you dedicated such long time to that place.

1116
00:58:28.120 --> 00:58:29.960
And it just seemed like they didn't even care about you.

1117
00:58:29.960 --> 00:58:32.520
Y'all, that's a trauma, right?

1118
00:58:32.520 --> 00:58:34.280
To feel like you're discarded and abandoned.

1119
00:58:34.280 --> 00:58:36.640
So it can be really simple things like that.

1120
00:58:36.640 --> 00:58:38.200
You know, maybe you have the loss of a child

1121
00:58:38.200 --> 00:58:39.640
or the loss of a parent.

1122
00:58:39.640 --> 00:58:41.600
Maybe you watched your parent or child suffer

1123
00:58:41.600 --> 00:58:43.280
with some sort of disease like cancer.

1124
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:44.120
That's my story.

1125
00:58:44.120 --> 00:58:47.080
My mom passed away of fourth stage metastatic breast cancer.

1126
00:58:47.080 --> 00:58:49.360
That's rough to see someone go through

1127
00:58:49.360 --> 00:58:50.440
that kind of suffering.

1128
00:58:50.440 --> 00:58:53.040
Sometimes suffering can be by proxy.

1129
00:58:53.040 --> 00:58:54.840
It's not you that has the trauma,

1130
00:58:54.840 --> 00:58:57.440
but it is someone that you love that has the trauma,

1131
00:58:57.440 --> 00:59:00.560
but watching them go through that traumatized you.

1132
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:01.920
Does all this make sense?

1133
00:59:04.280 --> 00:59:08.200
Okay, so that being said, trauma doesn't just hurt us,

1134
00:59:08.200 --> 00:59:10.640
it creates different versions of us.

1135
00:59:10.640 --> 00:59:13.960
And so that's why this wellbeing page is so important,

1136
00:59:13.960 --> 00:59:18.840
but it's not so important that we take a look at it

1137
00:59:18.840 --> 00:59:20.640
and whatever we see here,

1138
00:59:20.640 --> 00:59:22.760
we think that it's not overcomable.

1139
00:59:22.760 --> 00:59:26.240
And so the very first thing over here is self-concept

1140
00:59:26.240 --> 00:59:28.640
and then maturity is that middle section.

1141
00:59:28.640 --> 00:59:31.080
Then we have independence.

1142
00:59:31.080 --> 00:59:34.080
I feel like independence is a product of the curse, right?

1143
00:59:34.080 --> 00:59:35.720
I feel like in marriage, especially,

1144
00:59:35.720 --> 00:59:36.760
it's the only relationship

1145
00:59:36.760 --> 00:59:38.560
where the two are gonna become one.

1146
00:59:38.560 --> 00:59:41.680
And so talk about interdependence.

1147
00:59:42.520 --> 00:59:45.640
It's really important to be able to attach

1148
00:59:45.640 --> 00:59:47.960
and interdepend in order to be married.

1149
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:50.440
And so that's that last category right there.

1150
00:59:50.440 --> 00:59:53.080
And then you see down here, it shows those caution flags.

1151
00:59:53.080 --> 00:59:54.440
Remember, it's just a caution flag.

1152
00:59:54.440 --> 00:59:56.120
It's just a yellow flag saying,

1153
00:59:56.120 --> 00:59:57.560
hey, this might be something

1154
00:59:57.560 --> 00:59:59.480
that you wanna dig a little deeper into

1155
00:59:59.480 --> 01:00:00.320
to make sure.

1156
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.000
that you're on the same page and you understand that this is something that this person has

1157
01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:06.000
dealt with.

1158
01:00:06.000 --> 01:00:12.160
Once again, Chris has zero, zero flags and Tony has abuse between parents.

1159
01:00:12.160 --> 01:00:17.480
Now if you guys remember on the very first sheet where it was telling about each person,

1160
01:00:17.480 --> 01:00:19.360
let's look at Tony's again here.

1161
01:00:19.360 --> 01:00:20.360
Family of origin.

1162
01:00:20.360 --> 01:00:22.160
Her parents are divorced.

1163
01:00:22.160 --> 01:00:24.800
Chris's parents are married.

1164
01:00:24.800 --> 01:00:26.440
She was raised by her mother.

1165
01:00:26.440 --> 01:00:29.260
Chris was raised by both mother and father.

1166
01:00:29.260 --> 01:00:32.700
She was the third born in her family out of three kids.

1167
01:00:32.700 --> 01:00:36.500
She was the baby and he was the fifth born out of five kids.

1168
01:00:36.500 --> 01:00:37.500
So he was the baby.

1169
01:00:37.500 --> 01:00:41.300
So both babies of the family, but very different families, right?

1170
01:00:41.300 --> 01:00:45.260
She came from a single mom that was raising three kids and she was the last one to be

1171
01:00:45.260 --> 01:00:46.260
born.

1172
01:00:46.260 --> 01:00:47.260
What does that mean?

1173
01:00:47.260 --> 01:00:50.460
It probably means that she was the one that knew her father the least.

1174
01:00:50.460 --> 01:00:54.300
You guys see how we can read into this?

1175
01:00:54.300 --> 01:00:55.460
She was the last one to be born.

1176
01:00:55.460 --> 01:01:02.260
So she was the youngest when they got divorced and you notice that she wasn't raised in a

1177
01:01:02.260 --> 01:01:03.260
blended family.

1178
01:01:03.260 --> 01:01:06.100
She was just raised by mom.

1179
01:01:06.100 --> 01:01:11.660
So we come down here and we look at her caution flags and they make sense.

1180
01:01:11.660 --> 01:01:14.540
She saw abuse between her parents.

1181
01:01:14.540 --> 01:01:18.940
There's some kind of habit that her spouse had that her partner has that that Chris has

1182
01:01:18.940 --> 01:01:21.300
that's like, she's not sure about it.

1183
01:01:21.300 --> 01:01:23.540
It's kind of annoying to her in some way, shape or form.

1184
01:01:23.620 --> 01:01:26.660
I wish that they would say on this assessment, what it is, because that's just like, what

1185
01:01:26.660 --> 01:01:28.460
do you mean partner's annoying habit?

1186
01:01:28.460 --> 01:01:29.460
What does that mean?

1187
01:01:29.460 --> 01:01:30.860
Does he pick his nose and eat it?

1188
01:01:30.860 --> 01:01:32.020
Like what are we doing here?

1189
01:01:32.020 --> 01:01:34.180
I don't know what they mean by this.

1190
01:01:34.180 --> 01:01:35.820
Does he like chew with his mouth open?

1191
01:01:35.820 --> 01:01:36.820
Like what?

1192
01:01:36.820 --> 01:01:37.820
All right.

1193
01:01:37.820 --> 01:01:38.820
And then depression.

1194
01:01:38.820 --> 01:01:41.460
So she's saying that she has dealt with depression.

1195
01:01:41.460 --> 01:01:46.820
And of course she has, because we just saw what her home life was like, and that could

1196
01:01:46.820 --> 01:01:55.540
cause her to have effects of a suppressed immune system and a suppressed, you know,

1197
01:01:55.540 --> 01:01:58.260
post-traumatic stress kind of situation going on there.

1198
01:01:58.260 --> 01:01:59.260
All right.

1199
01:01:59.260 --> 01:02:06.740
And so, but together the, both of them 88, because Chris has 97%, they have a 91% relationship

1200
01:02:06.740 --> 01:02:09.180
wellbeing, right?

1201
01:02:09.180 --> 01:02:16.500
So if you guys want to go ahead and share what your combined percentages of your relationship

1202
01:02:17.180 --> 01:02:20.540
wellbeing, and then let's do our homework here when it comes to your individual, as

1203
01:02:20.540 --> 01:02:24.780
well as relationship wellbeing, do you have any concerns?

1204
01:02:24.780 --> 01:02:33.500
Are there any concerns that you have and why you guys notice in the maturity thing, they're

1205
01:02:33.500 --> 01:02:38.540
like, if you're over 25, the less than Leslie Parrott automatically think that that really

1206
01:02:38.540 --> 01:02:43.500
means that you're going to have, you know, better chance at success in marriage.

1207
01:02:43.500 --> 01:02:45.500
I don't agree with that.

1208
01:02:45.500 --> 01:02:50.620
I've, I've seen a lot of young people get married that are under, under 25 that really

1209
01:02:50.620 --> 01:02:52.900
are well suited for each other.

1210
01:02:52.900 --> 01:02:59.500
So, and I've seen people get married that are over 25 that absolutely probably are not

1211
01:02:59.500 --> 01:03:01.260
going to get along that well.

1212
01:03:01.260 --> 01:03:04.140
So I don't really agree with that.

1213
01:03:04.140 --> 01:03:11.520
So longevity, stability, and similarity are also things that were flagged here for Chris

1214
01:03:11.520 --> 01:03:15.460
and Tony.

1215
01:03:15.460 --> 01:03:22.220
And their longevity, the mere fact that you have dated for less than two years, puts you

1216
01:03:22.220 --> 01:03:24.620
into a moderate caution zone for longevity.

1217
01:03:24.620 --> 01:03:29.780
So that was a caution zone for this SIMBUS assessment.

1218
01:03:29.780 --> 01:03:36.660
As I have studied successful marriages, I have been doing what I do for a long time.

1219
01:03:36.660 --> 01:03:42.540
I've been a matchmaker for almost 20 years, and I have studied the longevity of marriages

1220
01:03:42.540 --> 01:03:43.980
and relationships.

1221
01:03:43.980 --> 01:03:50.760
And I will tell you that the ones that last the longest are the ones that made that commitment

1222
01:03:50.760 --> 01:03:56.660
and knew that they wanted to be married to each other within the first year of being

1223
01:03:56.660 --> 01:03:57.660
together.

1224
01:03:57.660 --> 01:04:01.780
You know, they, they didn't necessarily get married guys, you'll find out.

1225
01:04:01.780 --> 01:04:05.820
And I don't want you to think that you have to follow this template because it's not a

1226
01:04:05.820 --> 01:04:06.820
template.

1227
01:04:06.820 --> 01:04:13.860
But according to what I've seen, a longer courtship with a shorter engagement or a shorter

1228
01:04:13.860 --> 01:04:18.940
courtship with a longer engagement seems to give people the time that it takes to really

1229
01:04:18.940 --> 01:04:22.780
get to know each other and have a successful first couple of years of marriage.

1230
01:04:22.780 --> 01:04:25.860
You're like, what do you mean just the first couple of years?

1231
01:04:25.860 --> 01:04:28.980
Those are the important, those are important years.

1232
01:04:28.980 --> 01:04:33.460
That's where you're building your foundation of your family together.

1233
01:04:33.460 --> 01:04:38.420
And so those first couple of years, not being fraught with, Oh, we have to really get to

1234
01:04:38.420 --> 01:04:40.500
know each other because we did not do that pre-work.

1235
01:04:40.500 --> 01:04:43.000
Do you see what I'm saying?

1236
01:04:43.000 --> 01:04:47.340
We didn't take time to really get to know each other because we had a short courtship

1237
01:04:47.340 --> 01:04:49.340
and a short engagement.

1238
01:04:49.340 --> 01:04:50.980
Okay.

1239
01:04:50.980 --> 01:04:51.980
I get it.

1240
01:04:51.980 --> 01:04:56.420
Everyone wants to have sex y'all, but it's not worth not getting to know each other.

1241
01:04:56.420 --> 01:04:59.940
Of course.

1242
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.000
Right. And so it's important that we definitely take that time.

1243
01:05:06.000 --> 01:05:12.000
Especially if we're just really have no relationship experience to just get to know each other.

1244
01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:29.000
But it does not, in my opinion, take people longer than 12 months to know that this is the person, regardless of when they get married, that this is the person that they really want to, you know, grow with and learn with you guys when we say I want to marry

1245
01:05:29.000 --> 01:05:40.000
you. What you're saying is you are the person that I want to forgive more than anyone else that I've ever forgiven in my life. You're the person that I want to show more grace and more mercy to more than anyone that I've ever showed grace and mercy to in my life.

1246
01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:50.000
You're the person that I want to get to know in all of your versions and all of your stages for the rest of my life. Do you see that, that's what you're saying.

1247
01:05:50.000 --> 01:06:04.000
You're not really marrying this version of this person you're marrying all their future versions, and you're saying, I want to help you become the best version of yourself, and I'm committed to that.

1248
01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:12.000
So good. All right, you guys are super shy I get it so no one's going to open up and tell me that they have any kind of.

1249
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:14.000
I have a question.

1250
01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:16.000
Thank you, Jackie.

1251
01:06:17.000 --> 01:06:24.000
Our, our relationship well being score was 70%, which I kind of feel like was a little low.

1252
01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:34.000
Okay. And my first question is, is it basically based on page one, and how you fill that out, is that how they're coming to that percentage.

1253
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:46.000
Your, your relationship well being with each other is 70%. Yes. Okay, but it's, it's average between your individual scores. Yes.

1254
01:06:46.000 --> 01:06:49.000
Okay, so your individual scores were kind of low.

1255
01:06:49.000 --> 01:06:52.000
Well mine was 76 is 83.

1256
01:06:52.000 --> 01:07:03.000
Right. So the average of those two is 70, that's just an average just math, math, math. Yeah, no, I understand that, but I want to know like if they're getting that if they're getting those percentages from page one.

1257
01:07:03.000 --> 01:07:18.000
In other words, how we filled that out. Is that how they're arriving. No, no, no, no, no that that those scores your individual well being you know you notice the caution flags and all that that's taken from all different answers throughout the assessment.

1258
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:30.000
But, you know, your, your score for your individual well being you know you must have, you know, said that you know you've struggled with some things and some things about like, in order to get that score, your percentage.

1259
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:47.000
So, you know, good to be honest, that you know you've seen some lives and things have happened you know whatever. And that's why it's saying that, and that's why that score is averaging together like that 70%, I don't think that that's a low score.

1260
01:07:48.000 --> 01:08:06.000
We come from that we come from grade school where we want to get 100% on every test right we want to get that little gold star sticker. It's more important to be honest on these assessments so we can see where we need to work individually and as a couple.

1261
01:08:06.000 --> 01:08:16.000
I do agree, the flags are a little vague. I can't really trace it back. You know what I mean. Oh, interesting. You don't know what your flags mean. Right.

1262
01:08:17.000 --> 01:08:35.000
I'm glad you brought that up because we were talking about the exact same thing, or I wasn't like, where are you guys willing to share what the flags where your flags are okay well my I have three flags, and mine were suspicions of partners past, I don't know, I can't I don't

1263
01:08:36.000 --> 01:08:47.000
know. Partners habits. Yeah, I mean, some of his habits irritate me I don't know if that's what that means, and unrealistic expectations which I'll own, I'll own that. And then yours.

1264
01:08:47.000 --> 01:08:59.000
Okay, abuse between parents and I'm not sure how that came up with that my mom did have mental health that created a divorce and addiction. And maybe it's because my dad drank.

1265
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:13.000
So we were just a little confused. Yeah, I think we might have not answered. Yeah, it seems like that's if you're, you know, if you put on there that your dad drank or that your mom had issues like that I'm sure that that's where that's pulling that flag from.

1266
01:09:13.000 --> 01:09:31.000
Beth your flags of suspicion of partners past that can just be of, you know, like, you know, just, you know their origin family what they've come from maybe they've shared some kind of abuse with you or something about the way they grew up and that's, that's, I don't think

1267
01:09:31.000 --> 01:09:40.000
that that's the right wording. I think that that's weird wording because it's like you're not suspicious of it, you're just like concerned about it like oh hey how did that affect you.

1268
01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:51.000
You know, there's nothing suspicious is not a good word it doesn't make sense. So, maybe I'll write into them and tell them that that doesn't make sense and unrealistic expectations.

1269
01:09:51.000 --> 01:10:00.000
I just found the expectation page. Okay, so maybe on there you guys have some differing opinions of like what is going to happen.

1270
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.760
as you're married. Okay. And then what about you guys, Margie, what do you guys got?

1271
01:10:04.760 --> 01:10:08.360
Oh, you can say now.

1272
01:10:08.360 --> 01:10:15.160
No, I I'm the one that really shot out at me was one for me that said problematic online

1273
01:10:15.160 --> 01:10:21.640
activity. And I looked at that. And I'm like, what, what, where did that come from? So

1274
01:10:21.640 --> 01:10:25.520
wait, wait, did it say that that's your flag or her flag?

1275
01:10:25.520 --> 01:10:32.880
It says that's my flag. And I was just completely 1000% shocked at that. And I have no clue

1276
01:10:32.880 --> 01:10:38.560
where that would have came from. And I'm looking at her going, well, I don't even like online

1277
01:10:38.560 --> 01:10:43.480
activity. I hate it. So I don't know what where that came from.

1278
01:10:43.480 --> 01:10:48.820
Well, I mean, I know that the assessment does ask you about, you know, different things

1279
01:10:48.820 --> 01:10:55.180
like that. So maybe it thinks that you answered a question differently. I'm not sure.

1280
01:10:55.180 --> 01:10:59.860
Apparently, I need to get off those sites. I'm on I don't know. So I'm making a joke.

1281
01:10:59.860 --> 01:11:05.140
I'm making a joke. I know you are. I already I already got I already got your sense of

1282
01:11:05.140 --> 01:11:12.580
humor. I get it. Okay, no, that that one just took me back a little bit. I was so you guys

1283
01:11:12.580 --> 01:11:17.980
noticed that at the blue star sections, it says, um, you know, how do you feel about

1284
01:11:18.140 --> 01:11:25.500
your results? Because you guys it is a computer graded algorithm based assessment. So there

1285
01:11:25.500 --> 01:11:30.540
can be things that are not true. And if at any point in time, you see something on this

1286
01:11:30.540 --> 01:11:34.100
assessment as you're going through it as a couple that you're like, hey, you know, I

1287
01:11:34.100 --> 01:11:38.500
really don't think that's accurate. Make sure you tell each other. Hey, I don't think that's

1288
01:11:38.500 --> 01:11:43.940
accurate. I don't know how I got that result. But that doesn't that doesn't resonate with

1289
01:11:43.940 --> 01:11:51.020
me. That's cool. Good. That being said, y'all, and all the ladies will test that I teach

1290
01:11:51.020 --> 01:11:57.620
this all the time. Everybody has yellow flags. Everybody without exception has areas in their

1291
01:11:57.620 --> 01:12:03.540
life where they are still in process, where they are still working, where they are not

1292
01:12:03.540 --> 01:12:08.900
that healthy yet, where they don't have good boundaries, where they don't have good mindsets,

1293
01:12:08.900 --> 01:12:14.340
where they believe something that is not completely true about God themselves, others,

1294
01:12:14.340 --> 01:12:22.580
life, marriage, guys, feel me, it's true. And so the only thing that is going to challenge

1295
01:12:22.580 --> 01:12:28.020
those areas of your life is you, with the help of Holy Spirit, admitting what those

1296
01:12:28.020 --> 01:12:31.780
things are, because sometimes you don't even know what they are, admitting what those things

1297
01:12:31.860 --> 01:12:36.740
are and being willing with the help of God and each other to work on them.

1298
01:12:38.260 --> 01:12:43.060
Because that is what marriage is. It's us being committed to helping the other person work on

1299
01:12:43.060 --> 01:12:50.020
their stuff and become a better version of themselves. So that's why vulnerability

1300
01:12:51.380 --> 01:12:59.620
is very necessary when it comes to marriage, vulnerability, and trust, honor, all the things.

1301
01:13:00.420 --> 01:13:03.780
I'm out in our studio garage and I hear something moving around. I hope it's not

1302
01:13:03.780 --> 01:13:08.980
a mouth shell or I'm in trouble because if I disappear, that's what happened to me.

1303
01:13:08.980 --> 01:13:15.940
Okay. All right. So what time is it? We're at 818. Okay. So I'm going to put up that

1304
01:13:15.940 --> 01:13:19.860
attachment style quiz. If you guys have some time to go ahead and bust it out tonight,

1305
01:13:19.860 --> 01:13:24.180
that would be great. Next week, let's go ahead and give the homework.

1306
01:13:25.140 --> 01:13:31.220
Next week, we're going to go over social support. Okay. We're going to talk about our networks,

1307
01:13:31.220 --> 01:13:37.060
our communities that we have around us. I'm going to go over that. So go ahead and look this page

1308
01:13:37.060 --> 01:13:41.220
over with each other. Go ahead and discuss it. Do the blue star section at the bottom.

1309
01:13:41.220 --> 01:13:46.340
You don't have to turn it as homework. Your homework is your goals on page one.

1310
01:13:47.060 --> 01:13:56.740
Okay. So go ahead and do that. And then go down to skip over finances. All right. And go down to

1311
01:13:56.740 --> 01:14:03.380
expectations. I want you to do this one. And you guys, I will remind you in the group, I'll put

1312
01:14:03.380 --> 01:14:09.460
the page numbers. So let's see. This is page five and the blue star section at the bottom of page

1313
01:14:09.460 --> 01:14:16.260
five. And then you're going to do the page seven and the blue star section at the bottom of page

1314
01:14:17.060 --> 01:14:21.140
seven. And because I don't think that we're going to spend too much time on remarriage and

1315
01:14:21.140 --> 01:14:26.580
blending family in this group, we'll go ahead and tack that on. So 7A as well. All right. And the

1316
01:14:26.580 --> 01:14:34.980
two, if it's applicable to you, do the starred sections on page 7A as well. Okay. So I will

1317
01:14:34.980 --> 01:14:39.140
remind you by putting that up. I'm also going to put an attachment style quiz up that I would love

1318
01:14:39.140 --> 01:14:44.580
for you to do before next week. If you haven't introduced yourself inside the group page,

1319
01:14:44.580 --> 01:14:49.940
please do that as well. And I'm going to go ahead and let you go for tonight. Father, we thank you

1320
01:14:49.940 --> 01:14:55.620
for this time together. We ask that everything that we need to see, that we see Lord, that we

1321
01:14:55.620 --> 01:14:59.860
are able to be, have revelation, have wisdom, have insight.

1322
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.520
from heaven. We pray that during this time that we have set aside to getting to know ourselves

1323
01:15:05.520 --> 01:15:10.000
and you and each other better, that you would really reveal important things to us. Even give

1324
01:15:10.000 --> 01:15:16.720
us dreams, Lord. Give us insight that can only come from heaven. I pray that you would just help

1325
01:15:16.720 --> 01:15:24.640
us bring peace, shalom, in Jesus' name. Amen. And have fun. And have fun, too. Cool? All right.

1326
01:15:24.640 --> 01:15:30.160
Okay. Homework posted. I will see about getting you guys into the app. I'm not sure if we can

1327
01:15:30.160 --> 01:15:36.160
or not with Cheryl getting her gallbladder out because she's our tech guru. But if so, we will.

1328
01:15:36.160 --> 01:15:41.120
If not, we'll just be in the Facebook page. I'll put the new link up for next week. Please save it.

1329
01:15:41.120 --> 01:15:46.560
It will be the same one every week going forward. I'll put your quiz up and I'll put your homework

1330
01:15:46.560 --> 01:15:54.640
up. I'll see you next week. Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye-bye.