All right, so welcome to session two,
really session one of the Save Your Marriage
Before It Starts course.
We did go into a few modules last week, just a couple.
I guess we did have a little bit of a hybrid
of orientation slash the first session.
Just so you guys know, in totality, it's six sessions,
which includes the orientation session, okay?
So this would be two, so we have four left.
All right, so I wanna go ahead
and jump right into our homework.
After I pray, I'm gonna pray,
and then we're gonna jump into our homework.
And our homework was, you were to come up with three goals
that you have for yourself, growing yourself
as far as what you wanna find out about yourself,
and or as a couple during the six weeks.
And I want each couple to go and share one.
And so, Father God, thank you.
We're so thankful that we get to come here together tonight
and we get to learn about you and about ourselves
and about each other.
And so, Lord, we ask that you would be with us,
that you would speak to us and through us tonight
as we dig into all of these different concepts
of what it would look like to partner together.
All these different ideas,
all these different hypotheses, Lord,
we just ask God that you would show us what we need to see,
that there'd be a revealing for the purpose of healing
in each and every heart, in Jesus' name, amen.
All right, partnership, you guys,
just so you know, it's great.
It's fun, it's amazing, I love it.
I love it, I love being married 17 years in.
Does it have its down moments?
Does it have its cons?
Yeah, but I think that the pros so far outweigh the cons
that you don't even really think about that.
And so, you are definitely learning
from someone who loves to be married.
And I don't love to be married
just because we do it all right all the time
or because we're perfect,
but just because this is God's divine design
and we are going after it.
So, we're gonna go ahead and start with,
gonna go clockwise around.
So, we'll go ahead and start with Terry.
You guys, why don't you go first
with your goal for the six weeks?
What's your goal, Bruce?
I guess we're so compatible, we didn't do our homework.
No, I just say for me, it's been an ironic journey
through this four months together
that how compatible we are
as far as similarities and compliments.
We just kind of laugh, it's like, there's another one.
But that also could lead to maybe blind spots.
So, I'm looking forward to the course
to see if there's any blind spots
or areas we're overlooking.
So far, there doesn't seem to be.
We've had to work through some issues and whatnot
and we've done a good job at it.
Yeah.
And for both of us,
we were both married for 30 years before.
So, it's fun to be excited about this again.
Yeah.
Okay, I love that.
Okay, so your goal is to see where you guys
might have some blind spots
and or where you guys are complimentary opposites.
Is that what you're saying?
Okay.
We haven't found too many opposites though.
No?
Got a lot in common?
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
Right, that's great.
Okay, Belinda, you guys are up next.
Sure.
I feel like we're all gonna have sort of those same ones.
So, I'm gonna pick one of our three
that may be less likely to be repeated.
To get affirmation beyond our feelings
that each other, that we're each other's person.
And okay, so let me just kind of give a smart goal answer
because those are smart goals or goals that you can measure.
How would that be measured?
Like how, what kind of evidence are we looking to find?
Well, for me, it's some of it's sort of statistics
and I'm an accountant, an analytical personality.
So looking at things like our marriage momentum,
the scores that we had in what we went over yesterday
and how compatible we are,
the number of things that we have in common.
Similarities in, as we're kind of going through this,
not that everything we're looking at
we're complete opposites.
We do have some areas that we have opposites,
but we've been together for seven months dating now.
Feelings are probably still a strong driver in our motivation to continue forward and
just getting, getting affirmation that our feelings aren't the only thing that make will
make for a long-term successful marriage.
Good.
No, that's great.
Yeah.
Do you definitely want to make sure that you have something more to build on than feelings?
That is very wise.
Like our analyst friends said, the math has to math.
It's important.
Um, I will tell you in the area of romantic relationship, I do believe that you follow
your heart, but you take your head with you.
You don't follow your head and take your heart with you.
You follow your heart, but you take your head with you.
And that's kind of what I hear him saying right now is we are following our hearts,
but we need to, with wisdom, with our heads, you know, we need to, to see, Hey, um, beyond
feelings, is this, is this compatible long-term, um, do we have something to build on here?
And that's good.
That's a good goal.
I would, um, definitely encourage both of you to kind of ask yourself, what would that
look like for me to have certainty beyond my feelings?
Like what would need to happen?
Maybe kind of measure that out a little bit.
Right.
Um, all right.
Next up, Megan and Brian.
Okay.
Oh, what's going on everybody.
Um, yeah, I think, um, I know Megan, we are, our last one was a pretty good one when we,
when we talked, uh, over the weekend, uh, I just go from a, from a personal point of
view.
Um, I've just wrote a couple of things down, uh, just being in relationship with Megan
and from past experience is, uh, learning to just be more comfortable being uncomfortable
with new situations.
Uh, Meg just definitely pushes me into a lot of new situations.
So getting more comfortable with that, because that's also how you grow.
You don't get, you don't grow being stagnant, um, how to best support her needs, um, how
to have patience with conversations and continue building our foundation and not feeling overwhelmed
with pacing and relationship, which when we started going over the Simbas report, uh,
it was a little tough, uh, because we, you know, we had a couple of triggers.
Um, so we're learning a lot about where that comes from.
And I think even just life situations, things come up and I can be defensive, um, just based
on past experiences, relationship.
Um, I think it's just to protect myself and, and then it becomes like a distancing and
then it takes a little bit of time to reconcile.
And so I think that's one piece from a personal point of view, and then she can mention how
we got into their relationship goals.
Okay.
Um, and then, so we wrote a few, but the, the one, so I just picked one to share.
And so it's along those same lines, we want to learn how to have difficult conversations
or conflict in a way that honors each other and doesn't hinder connection.
I love it.
Yes.
Conflict.
You guys want to talk about communication?
Um, we're going to really dig into that.
Not tonight.
Um, we're going to dig into, um, communicating when we aren't that happy, um, with each other
or when we're in a fear response.
That's another thing.
Just because, uh, you're having some tense moments communicating doesn't necessarily
mean that the other person is unhappy with you.
Okay.
A lot of times they're just in a fear response, whatever's happening right now in the conversation
or in the situation is what I call poking their orphan, you know, we guys, we all have
tendencies, uh, to fear rejection, fear, fear, fear, abandonment, fear, being controlled.
Um, we all have different things that are not part of our divine identity.
They're part of that cursed identity.
Right.
And, uh, sometimes you'll get two people in a relationship and they're great together,
but their triggers will trigger each other.
So they poke each other's orphan and then they start like freaking out because they're
like, both of them are getting into a fear response.
Um, David and I have done that many times.
And so that's when it's important to know you, it's when you have your tool belt of
heartwork or whatever inner healing y'all have access to where you stop and you think
about what you're thinking about.
You stop in that moment.
If you have to take a break, we're going to talk about, uh, self-preservation techniques
so you guys can see which, which, uh, which ones each other use.
So when you see them using that, you immediately know that they're triggered.
So if you see them withdrawing or you see them stonewalling or you see them, you know,
fleeing, you know, you see them kind of running away or saying, Hey, I got to go, or I want
to end the conversation or you see them, you know, there's a million of them.
They're not a million, but there's, there's probably about.
50 on the sheet that we're going to use.
And when you see them doing that, then you know,
hey, something's not right.
They're dealing with something.
This might not be bothering me, but it's bothering them.
And it might not have anything to do with anything
that y'all were talking about, anything that you were doing.
You could be watching a movie and they're triggered
by something in the movie and all of a sudden
they become kind of like standoffish or argumentative
or they're pulling away.
It doesn't have to necessarily have to do
with you or the relationship.
And so being able to gauge each other in that way
and give each other space when necessary,
you're going to be able to talk in this class
about what do I need from you when I'm like this?
When I begin to have this overwhelm,
what do I need you to do?
Do I need you to come in closer and, you know,
just give me a hug and tell me it's going to be all right?
Or do I need you to back off?
Give me some space.
Do I need you to sit down and say, okay, I'm listening.
Go ahead and talk.
There's all different types of things your partner
might need from you when they get into these places.
And we're going to look at that, what that looks like.
So you guys have, you know, a kit, a toolkit,
a couple's toolkit of what you need to do for each other
when each other get triggered.
And you're going to, it's not about if, it's about when.
All right?
All right.
And last but not least, Beth, it's your guys' turn.
So those are great.
Those are great goals.
Everyone that shared goals, great goals.
Ours is similar.
I think the overall goal is like to know
that we're in a good place to take the next step.
But that's, I think, one of the main ways we can do it
is identify and understand our main challenges
to having a healthy marriage.
That's all the attachment styles and triggers.
And we want to learn tools to enable us
to overcome those challenges
and just identify what each other's needs are
and what's a healthy way to meet those needs
and unhealthy way, of course, to meet those needs.
And just get ready to see if we're ready for the next step.
Beth, you want to add anything?
That's great.
That's good.
We worked on this together.
Okay, good.
Teamwork.
I love it.
Teamwork makes the dream work.
So yeah, that's great.
That is, that's exactly,
these are the exact kind of goals
that we want all of you to have.
And one of the things that you're going to learn
during Symbus, hopefully,
is to really make space for the other person
because none of us suffer the same.
You know, none of us, when we're going through something,
and you know, it doesn't look the same on anybody.
And so it's important to understand, you know,
that the best scripture that I could ever give someone
for success in marriage would be
the scripture in Corinthians that says,
don't seek to understand, don't seek to be understood,
seek to understand.
That love doesn't seek to be understood,
it seeks to understand.
Now, both people are seeking,
instead of, listen to me, you know, it's all about me.
If both people are seeking to understand
where the other person's coming from
and what they're going through
and what their suffering is like,
then both people are getting understood, aren't they?
If each person is seeking to understand
rather than looking out for themselves to be understood,
then both people get understood.
Isn't that the way it will work?
And so that's, I think, the best,
one of the best things that I could share
just early on when we're talking about
what you guys are talking about right now
as far as seeing whether or not this dog can hunt, right?
Can we go the distance?
Can we go all the way?
All right, you guys, I think that we're missing some couples.
I don't know if some new couples signed up.
I'm just looking in the Symbus group right now
and it looks like there's a couple that signed up
maybe three hours ago.
So we definitely do not have, I think it's Candace and Tim.
And so hi, Candace and Tim in replay.
If you're not gonna be here tonight,
maybe they will pop in.
And then unfortunately, y'all, we had a couple break up.
We had a couple break up, Margie and Scott.
We had them call off their engagement and that's fair
because they were here to see whether or not
they really were compatible.
They had only known each other
for just about a month, y'all.
So sometimes people, they get engaged quickly
and as long as the engagement's gonna be long,
I told you guys, if you're gonna have a short courtship,
long engagement.
If you're gonna have a long engagement,
then probably get to engagement a little bit quicker, right?
Short courtship, long engagement.
And then a long courtship, maybe a shorter engagement.
So they decided that they really weren't that compatible.
and that they really didn't want the same things.
And you know what?
That's all right.
That's okay.
And that's what this class is about, of course,
is digging deeper into those things.
And so I think that we do have one more couple
that looks like that are gonna be joining us
this time around, but for whatever reason,
they're not here.
I hope that they got the link.
And if not, they'll be listening and replay.
So let's go ahead and jump in.
I'm gonna go ahead and share my CIMBUS report.
Y'all's homework was page five,
which is our social support area.
And then I wanted you to do the context of expectations,
seven, and then remarriage and blending family,
which is 7A.
I don't think that that really has to do
with too many people in here,
but we'll go ahead and talk about it tonight.
All right, so I'm gonna go ahead and share my screen.
All right, and I'm back.
Okay, everyone see my screen?
All right, let's dig in.
So I'm a firm believer that strong marriages
are made within strong family and strong community.
And when I say the word family,
I don't just mean biological family or origin family.
I mean, the people that you call family,
the people that you have decided to do life with.
When I got married, I was estranged from my family.
I grew up in foster care.
And so I was emancipated at 17 years old.
So I didn't really come from a strong origin family.
And so that, a lot of people would feel handicapped
by that kind of background or past.
But I met Jesus in my 20s, my early 20s, 22 years old.
And the people that came around me
during that part of my life became family to me.
And so God has been really kind
to fulfill the scripture in my life that says,
He takes the solitary and He places them in family.
And so that is what this context is all about.
Who do you have in your corner?
Who claps when you win?
Who cares about what happens to you?
Who's going to check up on you
if you disappear off the face of the earth?
If you're not at work or not at church or not,
who are those people that you do life with?
And you want to have social support for your relationship.
You do.
And you want to have family,
or the friends that you call family support
for your relationship as well.
And I will tell you that at this juncture in relationship,
all of you should be meeting each other's people.
And when I say each other's people,
I don't just mean each other's mothers and fathers,
if they're still living.
I mean, each other's people,
the people that you want to really take a good look
at this person that you're falling in love with
and tell you what they think because you trust them.
You trust them, right?
You know that they have your best interest at heart,
you know, and you trust them.
Now for, I know that we have some older couples here.
Is anyone not have any parents alive on the earth?
I know my mom's already passed away.
I'm only 49.
You don't have any parents.
Everybody else has parents still of some sort.
Siblings, raise your hand if you have siblings.
Okay, all right.
Raise your hand if you have children.
And now a lot of people raised their hands just now.
Raise your hand if you have any kids that are under 18.
Anybody?
All right, so everyone has adult children.
Raise your hand if you have grandchildren.
Can I see those hands?
All right, got a few grandbabies.
They're the best, right?
Are they the best?
I'm a young grandma, I'm so excited.
I have twin grandbabies that are two years old
and it's the best.
It's the best thing in the world.
Okay, all right, so let's go through this context.
First question, supportive friends and family
and the friends that you call family for your relationship.
And you see here that Chris and Tony
both have their little avatar.
So on this scale,
one little avatar might be all the way back here
while one may be all the way over here, right?
So both of them are at a complete 10.
Both of them say,
hey, we have all the support in the world
from our friends and family.
What about you guys?
Let's share.
What did you guys get in response to that?
First one.
I had a nine.
So I feel like I have a great deal of support
from my friends and family.
And who has he met already?
He's met just about everybody.
I've drug him everywhere.
And because I've never been married,
I have a lot of great girlfriends, like four.
And then I just had a giant family reunion.
And we dated over the holidays.
So he's met just about everybody in my life.
And it's been a lot of people.
But he's like me.
Yeah, not a strong family unit, similar to you.
It sort of disintegrated.
Not close with my brothers, but we love each other.
But we're just not close.
And they live 150 miles away.
And I just don't get to see them.
Just lost my dad.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Church is tough.
I've changed churches.
I've been in ministry.
And churches have broken and split.
It seems like your friends just get left behind.
And it gets weird or whatever.
And being a single guy, I've been single for 22 years,
been more ministry-minded.
It's really tough.
People just don't befriend single guys,
even though you have great times at church and at home groups.
If they're married, most men do not
reach out to single guys and have them at their home.
I've had two couples that I can remember that really
wanted to spend time with me.
And it's just, I don't know whose fault that is.
But that's just kind of how it's worked out.
And the church I'm at now, I'm very close with the pastor.
But they have, everyone seems to have really, really young kids.
And their lives are absolute chaos.
So just don't get to spend the same amount of time
with them anymore.
So that's probably something I've fallen short.
I probably shouldn't be at the level I am.
What is that, an eight or seven?
It probably should be lower.
And that was really one of our struggles kind of early on.
Because I felt like I had all these people.
And I always thought the guy I would marry
would have all these people.
And we'd have all these great people together.
And it was the opposite.
And it was hard.
That was kind of one of our struggles.
I was nervous that I would have to fill something
that I felt like other people should fill
in his life and his heart.
I mean, I wanted to be there.
But I didn't want to be a single person.
Right, you want your person to have people.
You want them to have people.
And you want to be able to meet those people,
so that those people can vouch for your person
and tell you that your person is who you think they are, right?
And so you want all those things.
But you're right.
One of the biggest gaps that there is,
especially in Christian community, is singles.
A lot of singles complain that they just,
especially older singles over the age of 40,
like who can we be friends with?
Like who wants to hang out with us?
Or church is not having gatherings
where single people can do life together.
And so that has been a big situation.
So all right, so good.
So it sounds like we're at 10 and 7.
That's great.
Anybody else want to share their numbers?
Yeah, I would like to share a little bit on that.
OK.
I think this is actually something
we've talked about and pretty interesting
with our perspective.
So we both are, I think Meg was a 10.
I think it was a 9.
So we're pretty high, pretty close to supportive friends
and family.
So for me, family has always been the biggest thing.
The Hispanic culture.
It's like our compass.
And living with my parents has been a blessing
and just spending more time.
And so they mean a lot to me.
And so just being back home and helping with things
and just spending more time and then
having my own schedule with things
means a lot that I have that time.
And I think one of the things that we
haven't got to, me and Meg, is that my friend
cycle has been really transitional over seasons.
And so family has always been the backbone.
And I think during the pandemic time,
I really, for a few years after that,
really just kept myself very independent.
And I think it takes time for me to trust people
and to let people in.
So I've never really had big friends groups.
Maybe right now there's a couple that I really
want to continue spending time with.
That's some of the notes that I wrote down about social support.
And I think for me, it was almost like the opposite.
Meg has a very big supportive community.
And, you know, she has so many great, awesome people that she wants to invite, too, and
it's awesome and, like, just so loving and warming.
And I think at first, for me, I was taken by surprise because, like, this is what I've
been kind of searching for, like, trying to find people I can fit in with or people I
could just continue being myself.
And so it's been nice being welcomed for people in her life that are important to her.
And that, you know, these people could play a role in our lives moving forward.
So but I know for, like, for me personally, like, I know there's certain friends that
I also want to be investing in that I have to as well.
And that's more like a personal thing that I also have to do.
So then eventually, like, I want to introduce them to her as well.
So, I don't know, for me, like, my pacing is very slow.
So, like, just recently, I met my family July 4th, because I was already, like, feeling
very serious and ready to take that step.
And so, I don't know, I just go very slow, I guess, with relationships, just because
of my past and just taking things gradually.
Yeah, sometimes that's wisdom.
So it sounds like you're saying, Brian, that you have the family relationships and, you
know, and Megan, because I know who Megan's friends are, because I've ministered at her
church three times, three years in a row.
And so she has a huge community of friends.
That church is a very family kind of church.
I mean, they meet you once and, you know, they bring you in.
They're like, now you're our person.
And so and I appreciate that.
And okay, so it sounds like that you guys are, you guys both have people, it's just
kind of a different kind of people.
Now, are you saying, Brian, did you, did you, are you one of the kind of millennials that
ended up going home to help their parents, like during the COVID lockdown and just kind
of stayed?
Like, is that the transition?
No, I've been home since I graduated college, so in 2016, just because, like, you know,
you're in a lot of debt and just wanted to, you know, I had some financial goals that
I wanted to achieve.
And then other projects came up with life.
Little by little has been very helpful, because then it took away, you know, some of my financial
burdens that I've had student debt to be in a better situation.
And that's been really the big thing, just, you know, just be more, build a better foundation
after college.
And then I think as time goes on, it's like, okay, like, now I've gotten to the idea where
like, oh, maybe, maybe I could see, like, I didn't, I never looked at marriage in a
positive way, to be honest.
And I think meeting Meg and like seeing things, and like you talked about refinement, that's
kind of what I feel like has been going through my life this this year.
That's great.
That's good.
You guys, in the in the olden days, you know, people didn't move far away from home, right?
And you know, my adult children, I have children that are as old as 30 ish, you know, 29 years
old.
And all of our children have, at some point in time, been living at home, including my
daughter's fiance, just recently, because of the same types of reasons that Brian is
talking about, just trying to pay off student debt, and just getting a good launch in life
by being able to really utilize the strength of the family, right, and what the family
has to offer.
And so that is something that we definitely want to see happening, right?
Does anyone else want to share on one?
Because if we don't, then we're going to go to my relationship with my in-laws, or my
potential in-laws is what it really should be.
Anyone have any like weird numbers on friends and family where one of you is way over here
and the other one's way over here?
Does anyone want to share anything on that first one?
No, she's on the relationship with my in-laws.
No, the first one.
Yeah, we were both really 9 and 10 on that one.
Did anyone have anyone that you're close to, or that you appreciate in your life, really
not like the other person when you introduced them?
Or just like kind of raise some questions like, are you sure, and aren't you going a
little too fast, or like any kind of static like that?
Beth, you raised your hand.
I have a close girlfriend.
Neither one of us have ever been married.
Actually, she's in your course, Jackie.
And it was a real challenge with her because this started happening for me, and it wasn't
happening for her.
And Jill was great, but she found a lot of flaws that, I don't know, maybe she focused
on.
And so she was probably one of the most-
challenging relationships since we've started.
Yeah.
And I think that's pretty understandable, but yeah.
It was hard to get-
It actually happens a lot.
It happens a lot, right?
It's kind of like, I write about it in the heart work,
the crabs in the bucket kind of idea, you know,
where it's like, yeah.
So, and so what we wanna do is we wanna make sure
that we're discerning what is someone else, you know,
maybe a little FOMO on their part,
maybe they don't want to lose the relationship.
I've seen this run the gamut of people like
what Beth's talking about, where they're in the same boat
and they don't want you to get out of the boat
because then they're gonna be in the boat by themselves.
You know, they want you to be happy,
but they also want you to be with them, you know?
And then there's other dynamics of, you know,
maybe your parents are aging
and they don't want you to move far away.
You're dating someone long distance
and they're afraid that you might actually move
and be with that person instead of staying,
you know, where they are.
You guys, there's all kinds of dynamics.
And so it's important that while we want the support
of friends and family, if someone is being unsupportive,
but you're rationally unsupportive,
then we really are able to discern what's behind that.
Right?
So if we have eight people that we really respect
and care about that are like, yeah, green light.
And then we have one that's like, no, I don't like it.
It could be because they're just afraid.
They're afraid of losing you, losing your attention.
They're afraid of you moving away.
They're afraid of all kinds of things.
All right, so potential in-laws or out-laws,
whatever that may be, you know,
one of the hardest things I will say
as a woman who's married now is just really being able
to hold the tension between honoring my father and mother
that didn't, you know,
that really kind of abandoned me in my youth
and also being able to tell my now husband,
but at the time, my boyfriend, my fiance,
you know, about my story,
but also without making him not like them.
You know, because I was holding space
for there to be revival in my family,
for there to be reconciliation and restoration,
for my family to meet Jesus and become Christians.
And I just wanna let you know that all of that happened.
So being honoring and being respectful,
also, while sometimes you have to have no contact
if people are literally that unsafe,
and I have had that, I have had that story in my life,
but my mom, before she passed away,
she became a Jesus lover
and she really gave her heart to Jesus,
got a lot of restoration, a lot of inner healing,
some outer healing, some great things.
Her husband, you know, met Jesus and became a believer.
Their son, who's my, essentially my younger brother,
but we weren't raised together.
He's only 36 years old now.
He became a believer.
You guys, all kinds of crazy stuff happened.
And so how do you hold that tension
when meeting people who were abusive or unkind to you,
or maybe even have mental health issues?
How much do you share?
How much don't you share?
Because remember, this person doesn't have that bond
to them.
You don't wanna make that person not like these people,
you know, or have some kind of offense
or beef with them, right?
So does anyone have that kind of scenario
where you're like, eh, you know,
these people are a little cray cray.
I'm gonna introduce you to them maybe,
but I don't wanna tell you where all the bodies are buried.
Anybody?
Megan.
Okay, great.
So you guys, always in love, you know,
I've always found that it's important
to kind of give the 30,000 foot overview
without getting into the nitty gritty,
unless it's necessary.
Because I'm just gonna tell you one thing.
My current husband, you know,
cause you guys know I got married at 20 and I got divorced.
I wasn't, I didn't know Jesus.
It was a bad, I should not have done that.
Getting married that young
and getting married to who I married.
But David comes from a really great family.
Okay, he's an only child.
He's like, you know, comes from a really great family.
And so there's some of my stories
that he wouldn't be able to handle.
Like it would keep him up at night.
Okay, it'd be like watching a horror movie.
And so it's important that I understand that.
And so I told him just, you know, from the beginning,
hey babe, listen, you know,
I'm gonna tell you anything
that I think is important for you to know,
but you know, also your tender heart may not be able to,
you know, handle some of the things that I've been through.
So over the course of our 17 year marriage,
he's learned more and more and more and more
about the things that I experienced as a child
and as an adolescent and as a teenager.
And every time it's made him cry.
It's just broken his heart for me,
for that younger version of me.
But I feel like I just wanna say
that it kind of got spaced out.
It didn't all get just put upon him.
coming from a good family, not understanding how people live like that, right?
And so it's been good.
And it's been helpful in how we parent our children together, because, you know, I'm
street smart.
And and he also and he and he comes from just a good Christian family.
So he has that background to bring to the table.
So in-laws, outlaws, who has met each other's parents?
Let's see hands.
Okay, so coming here.
So both of you have met each other's parents.
His dad just passed away.
Did you get a chance to meet him before he passed?
I've never met.
My dad passed right after a few months after we met, and his mom died.
And her mom died saying you're my mom.
So just one dad and he's met him.
Okay, your father, Beth, and he's met him.
And both moms passed away and dad's passed away.
Okay.
Yes.
All right.
Okay.
And then Brian and Megan.
Megan, you raised your hand.
Did you raise your hand?
Yeah, I've met.
Yes, he's meeting mine in September, but they live far away.
So that's why it's taking off.
Okay.
But you met his parents?
Yes.
Okay.
Awesome.
And Belinda.
He's met my parents.
And but I and he has a mom living still, but I haven't met her yet.
She's in another state.
She's in and in hospice.
Yeah.
And my dad died 32 years ago.
So.
Oh, wow.
And your mom's in hospice.
Okay.
So have you guys like FaceTimed anything?
Have you just done anything at all or no, not yet.
Okay.
With my mom.
No, I she knows about Belinda.
My mom does.
But I don't think she is.
Well, she's probably too prideful to be seen this way.
Oh, yeah.
No.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Yes.
All right.
Terry.
What about you guys?
We've met both our parents.
So both my parents are living and I just have my dad.
And actually, our parents, our parents live closer together than we do.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Awesome.
So did your parents do what we engage with both sets of parents on at least once every
other week?
Very much part of our social events.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now, does anyone report?
You know, on this scale?
Did anyone have a low number as far as their their relationship?
I mean, Brian, that's not not applicable for you because you haven't met anyone in for
anyone else, Belinda, that you haven't met either.
But for those of you that have met, did you feel like it went well?
Megan, you met Brian's parents.
Did you guys all feel like it went well?
Yeah, it went well.
I just have to keep we have a language barrier.
So I just have to keep working on Oh, really?
Okay.
So yeah.
So so Spanish, Spanish is first language.
So Megan's on the journey to become an honorary Hispanic woman.
I love it.
She has all the traits.
She has all the traits for it.
So every day, she's closer and closer coming over.
You do have all the traits for it.
Oh, my gosh.
I accidentally told his dad I had two brothers and two sisters because apparently be pronounced
the last letter wrong.
Changes.
There you go.
All right.
Already making stuff up.
Okay.
That's wonderful.
Okay.
All right.
So sounds like everyone's doing good on these.
Okay.
Network of mutual friends.
Anyone have any mutual friends?
Now, guys do.
Yeah, we do.
We have mutual friends.
And we Yeah.
One of the things that I think we are both looking for, though, and hopefully to get
through this spring was just couple friends.
All of our friends are seeing a lot of our friends are singles, I should say, our mutual
friends are seeing.
So just looking to build that community of couple friends as well.
I love that.
And you know, you hopefully everyone has a friend.
Does anyone here not even have a friend?
You don't if you if you had to call a friend, right?
Right now, does everyone have someone they could call that they consider a friend?
Okay.
So both of you have friends.
And then you might have some mutual friends, Belinda was reporting that you got they have
mutual friends.
But what you have to do as a couple is you have to start making, like she said, friends
that only know you together.
Right?
As you go forward in relationship, they're going to have their people, you're going to
have your people, you might have a couple people in common.
But you want to make new people, you want to make friends with new people, people that
they're going to meet you as, you know, the two of you together, makes sense.
They're going to meet you as Megan and Brandon.
Ryan, they're gonna, that's what's gonna happen.
And so, and how do you do that?
You might ask.
Doing things that you like and enjoy.
Like you like to play pickleball,
you might meet another couple at the pickleball court.
Right?
You, you know, you enjoy whatever it is that you enjoy.
That's where you're gonna meet people.
You might go to a conference and meet another couple there.
You might, we're gonna talk about spirituality.
It's probably gonna be our last class,
but a lot of times you might try to find a church together.
Both people might leave their churches.
You might try to find a church together.
And so like, say you're church shopping, so to speak,
you know, you're visiting around at churches
and that's where you might meet people.
There's all different ways that you can meet people.
And I wanna encourage you to meet people that know you.
They don't know you separately.
They know you as a couple.
Cool?
All right.
So social support from your faith community.
Does everyone have a faith community?
I know that you mentioned, you know, that it's, you know,
you have one now, you're close to the pastor, small kids.
Can you remind me of what your name is?
I'm sorry.
Joe.
Beth and?
Yeah, Joe.
Joe.
And that has its obstacles too, this situation.
He's my pastor.
He's a bit younger.
I met him in a former church that split.
And anyway, here we are.
And I'm heavily involved.
I teach a Bible study.
I do AV, my daughter's involved
and she does not like the church.
I don't like his church.
So I don't-
What don't you like about Beth?
Because you're just-
Rattlesnake.
It is, so I was raised Pentecostal,
which I know you can appreciate.
So I like a charismatic church.
What I do every Sunday is I watch Elevation,
which is Steven Furtick.
I don't know if you know who he is,
but I watch him every Sunday.
I tried to go to Joe's church.
It was actually how I reintroduced myself to him,
but it's very small.
It's very quiet.
Not a lot of demonstrators.
Yeah, it just has nothing at all to kind of draw me.
Now we talked a lot about if we move forward,
how's this gonna look?
Because we definitely both want to go to church together,
but it's been an issue so far.
Well, let me, can I weigh in on that?
Okay, so nobody is gonna get everything
that they need spiritually from one place, okay?
Or from one spiritual community or from one day a week.
And so when my daughter and her fiance got married,
my daughter, she goes to a Bethel church,
if you guys know what that is.
So it's more charismatic, like what Beth is talking about.
But her fiance is the grandson
of an intern Baptist missionary, okay?
So kind of real different.
And so he doesn't really love the Bethel flow.
And so when they got married,
this is the advice I gave them.
It's really working for them
and maybe it'll work for all of you as well.
We'll talk more about this, like I said,
when we get into spirituality.
But I said, what the most important thing
for both of you right now is community.
Community is the most important thing for you right now.
And so my daughter has a really great community
there at the church.
There's a lot of people their age.
There's a lot of young married couples their age.
And so they're doing life with those folks.
And guess what?
They're also going to a Bible study on Tuesday nights
that's not at the church, that's someplace else.
So they're getting the different things they need
from different places.
Does that make sense to everybody?
And so I would really suggest thinking about that.
It's not one and done.
It's not, it doesn't have to be that way.
You might have a cell group or a home group
that you really enjoy.
And it might be a bunch of people
that you don't even go to church with anymore.
Maybe it was a home group or cell group
that you joined two churches ago,
but you still hang out with those people
and you do life with them and you still,
that's part of your spiritual community.
And so it doesn't have to be just one building
and one group of people.
That's what I want to tell you.
For all of you that have grown kids,
have your grown kids met and kind of signed off
on your other people here?
Did anyone get any static from any of their grown kids?
Anyone not meet anyone's children yet?
I haven't met his sons yet.
He's met my son and my grandson
and they both signed off on him.
And my-
And how old-
Go ahead.
Well, I was going to say both my kids live closer to you
than they do us here in California.
But we have plans to go visit my oldest son.
In October.
Okay, that's good.
Right. And you guys technology can always FaceTime can always, you know, do something like that.
All right. Does anyone feel like their faith community is not supportive.
Well, I'm, I'm in a position where we're a newer church well probably older than we should be at this point we haven't appointed elders but I am like first in line for that.
Oh no, dating someone who doesn't hasn't. She doesn't come to church with me.
And I've been dating her for 10 months.
Oh no, this is yeah this is an oh no, not sure what to do.
Well I mean I'm sure that because you're friends with the pastor you've explained to him that you know she just likes a more demonstrative.
I've not told it. I've not happened. I think he gets there's something going on, because she has.
And, and he's so just, you know, he has the kids, he still reaches out to me all the time. We trade.
Yeah, Ram reels and stuff and we talk every week, sometimes listen if you think there's a possibility that you're not going to be there for sounds like almost like a church plant.
But if you think you're not going to be able to be leading there and be part of leadership, then that would be something that you probably want to want to discuss as a couple and begin to kind of slowly.
You know, kind of, you know, start looking for what you're going to do as a couple where you're going to go once again does not be one building doesn't have to be one group of people.
You know, you're on board with you know him. You know when you're when you're part of a church plan or a smaller church and you're seen as leadership that takes a lot of time and energy, and eventually is going to take even more time and energy.
Trust me I've been on staff at plenty of churches. And so that's something you have to really discuss as a couple because, you know, if you do, like you said, if we do have that I'm first in line well if you do become first in line and you become that kind
of person, then your wife not coming to your church probably will not be well thought of.
No one may ever say anything, but they'll think it.
They'll think it doesn't feel like an option.
So, I would begin to think, think about what is it y'all want in that area and we're going to get there like I said we'll dig into that. So you guys if we can move on to the expectations page.
And these are, in my opinion, these are pretty generic and they're very much based on gender roles or traditional gender roles.
I feel like instead of marriage ever for God ever intending marriage to be a waltz.
Anybody dance.
Anybody know anything about dancing in a waltz, there's, there's a there's a defined leader in that okay it is a dance where the leader leads in the other person follows, and usually historically, the person leading in the waltz is a man.
And so in a way, religion has made us look at marriage, where the man's the leader he's leading in a woman's just kind of following along.
I believe that the marriage that God designed in the garden because I've dug into those scriptures of what the word woman really meant the word easier is in there y'all that word means that you know God as warrior has come to our rescue when he said
Adam needs help. He wasn't saying that Adam needed a maid and a cook he was saying, Adam needs a co warrior.
Right, that's really what he was saying. And so I believe that modern marriage should look like God's original design and I believe that that's more like West Coast swing.
Have you ever seen anyone do West Coast swing, both partners are bringing so much to the table they're bringing so much creativity and talent and ingenuity, both of them at one point in time, maybe look like they're leading as the other one the complimentary
opposite is is seamlessly moving along with them and it just becomes this big beautiful incredible phenomena to watch. And I believe that that's what our marriages can look like.
Now we can get into if y'all want to into the scripture of the Jesus, or Christ, man woman, child, kind of idea that umbrella, but that's more of a covering plan that's more of an insurance plan that's a protective kind of situation going on there.
Right. And so men, when you have an easier in your life. I may be foolish of you actually not to listen to what she has to say.
and what she's intuitively sensing in situations.
So coming into a place where you can respect each other
and really respect what each other
are bringing to the table,
that's what West Coast Swing looks like, right?
And working together to do something that is phenomenal.
One can't, but two can, right?
Okay, and so we'll look at these traditional
kind of generic roles right here.
Did anyone have anything that stuck out to them?
Staying home with the children, paying bills, yard work.
Some of these are gonna be non-applicable
for those of you that are not raising children anymore.
Gassing the car, fixing things around the house, laundry.
Besides Brian and Megan, does anyone else
think that they wanna have biological children still?
Okay, so cooking meals, grocery shopping,
caring for pets, decorating the house,
discipling the children.
And Brian and Megan, I'm just assuming,
because of your age.
I shouldn't assume, but I am.
Doing the dishes, taking out the trash.
You know, I think that people assume
that taking out the trash is a man's job.
Providing income, also a man's job.
At least the main income is a man's job.
Auto maintenance, also a man's job, right?
Let's see, making major decisions.
You can try to agree, but if you disagree,
then the man is the tiebreaker on that.
Scheduling, social events.
That would be the woman's job, right?
Traditionally, this is what people would think.
Anything inside the house, woman.
Anything outside the house, man.
That's traditionally what people think.
So who had a traditional upbringing
where mom and dad were married
and they did traditional stuff?
Mom did the stuff inside, dad did the stuff outside.
All right, a lot of you, okay.
I think, and this is just my opinion,
that y'all should divide and conquer
based on who's good at what.
My husband can make a bed with hospital corners, okay?
He believes there's only one right way
to load the dishwasher, and guess what?
I missed that class.
I don't know what that right way is.
And if I do it, he re-does it.
If he catches me, because I don't really do it that often,
because he's just better at it.
He's better at it.
I don't like the grocery.
I use Instacart.
I don't like to go to the grocery, but I'm a good cook.
I'm a good cook, I'm a good decorator.
I'm good with a lot of different things that I do,
and we divide based on who's good at what.
I'm an entrepreneur.
As far as the breadwinner, so to speak,
like I am the person who has a thousand good ideas
before breakfast, and I'm able to execute
some of those ideas and actually have probably
more ability to bring in income, you know?
But because we work together, he implements my crazy ideas.
I have the crazy idea, and then he helps
make it a real thing.
So that's what I want you guys to start thinking about
is how do our gifts and talents come together?
What would it look like for us to partner?
Who's good at what?
How can we divide and conquer
and really be an amazing team together?
So let's look at this sheet.
Did anyone have anything that really stood out to you
that the other person said you were going to do it,
and they're like, no, I'm going to do it?
Or you thought that you should do it,
and they said that they're going to do it?
Anybody?
We had some misunderstandings too, I'm filling it out.
Because for me, I just went blank
if it was something we had already agreed upon delegating.
So we had some misunderstandings.
Ben, you can jump in.
I know you unmuted too, babe.
So it's interesting how, just even from a test,
how things can get misconstrued
or we can create a story in our brain.
So Megan was like, oh, well, I thought we talked about it.
I left it blank.
I was under the assumption, like, you have to fill it out.
So I was like, well, I know we talked about not having a pet.
So I was like, well, if we have a fish
or a little small little thing,
I'm not taking care of that
because I told you I don't like pets.
So if you're going to be responsible, it's going to be you.
And I also went with the assumption that,
because I do a lot of the driving for work,
and I know Megan works a lot from home.
So I was like, well, I'll do a lot of stuff on the road
because thinking I'll be on the road and you'll be home
so we could divide and conquer.
And then when we talked about it, I was like, oh, well,
I never thought about, like,
you would actually have a car too
when we're together in one place.
That's how things can get misinterpreted
and you can have miscommunication
until you actually talk about it
and learn about each other's perspectives.
Yeah.
And just for context, for others, I live in the city,
so I don't have a car right now.
So he's just used to, he's never seen me drive.
So he was just assuming I would.
Yeah.
Can you drive?
Megan, can you drive?
I can, and I actually,
I spent like 10 years driving the city.
So I'm actually really good at driving in places
that most people can't.
I don't know if I'm as good,
like once you're on regular roads with less cars,
but in the craziness of the taxis, I can do that.
Oh my gosh, yes.
But you know, Brian made a really good point,
is that we should never assume, right?
We all know that we shouldn't, but we do anyway.
And so, but we shouldn't,
we should really make sure that we're saying,
yeah, I think this is what they meant,
or I think this is what they want,
but just going ahead and using your mouth to ask them,
hey, is this what you meant?
Or is this what you want?
Is this what you were thinking?
It's just so easy, y'all.
And it, listen, it prevents so much problem,
so many problems, right?
All right, so that was good.
Those are good examples.
Making can drive, that's good to know.
And so who else has something that you looked at this
and you're like, what?
No, I'm not doing those dishes.
You're doing those dishes.
You guys, we just, well, I shouldn't say this
because someone's probably an environmentalist here,
and we're probably contributing to the landfill,
but if I can use paper products, I do.
Because there's no one here.
It's just me and my husband,
rolling around like marbles in an empty jar
in this big house by ourselves.
And who wants to do all the dishes all the time?
So anyone, anyone look at this and you were just like, hmm.
I was so mad about having to take care of the pet.
The pet that doesn't exist,
that we had already agreed we would never have.
Oh, that's so funny.
You guys, it isn't that funny though,
because it's funny for you guys,
but I do have a couple right now
that they're an older couple
and they're considering not living together
because of the cat.
And they just got married,
but he thought he could deal with the cat.
And now that he has to deal with the cat,
he has decided he can't.
Who thinks that,
who thinks that whiskers should just come up missing?
I don't know.
Maybe.
It should be a cat napping.
Okay. All right.
So you guys, pets are a big thing.
Does anyone have pets here since we're on this topic?
I actually have, I have a dog.
He has a cat and they have not met yet.
Like that's a real thing.
We're not sure how that's going to work.
Her dog's a little high strung
when it comes to other animals.
My cat I know is the queen of the castle.
I tried to introduce a cat.
She lost her mind.
So I don't know what's going to happen.
So we'll see.
Someone's going to get rehomed.
Hopefully it won't be one of you all.
Okay.
Anybody else have pets that you're not sure
are going to make it to the marriage home someday?
You guys, I love animals.
I'm not trying to be mean.
I know that sometimes animals are like people's companions,
their therapy, they're even their kids.
Some people act like that for sure.
I get it.
I'm not trying to be insensitive.
No more animals?
No one's got like a chinchilla or a ferret or something?
Okay. All right, good.
Okay. All right.
So we have one more we're going to look at right here.
It doesn't sound like anyone has any kid problems
where your kids are, you know,
trying to prevent the marriage.
No one has kids at home still.
Does anyone have any like
former spouses that are still giving you problems?
Anybody have that?
Wow. This is a great group.
We have either never marrieds or people that
have amicable relationships with their former spouse
or something along those lines.
Okay. So the motivation to remarry,
did anyone have an answer here
for those of you that are divorced?
Let's just put in the chat right now.
If you are divorced, how long have you been divorced?
I feel like we have some long,
divorces were long time ago.
Let's look and see, put it in the chat.
How many years?
22 years ago, 10, six.
Okay. So lots of water under those bridges.
Kids are all grown up.
There's no more shared parenting.
That's a good place to be.
It is y'all.
Divorce is rough.
Divorce is not something that anyone wants to do
unless they absolutely have to,
because nobody wins.
Okay. So motivation to remarry.
Did anyone have any answer right there
that caused you to feel kind of weird about?
You're like, oh, like for instance, Chris here
on this fake Simbas sense of obligation to remarry.
Absolutely.
Like, what does that mean?
He feels obligated by who?
Who's obligating him to remarry?
Tony, his parents.
Like who does he feel obligated to?
From society.
Good, Brian.
That's true.
Like, society's like, you can't be single.
Only losers stay single, right?
It's like, you gotta, what?
Although I will tell you,
the public disenchantment with marriage is big.
And so maybe not in Christian communities,
but just in the public.
If I even mentioned the word marriage,
like on my TikTok, people come at me like,
I used a cuss word.
They're like, what?
Who wants to be married?
Like, it's really crazy.
Okay, marriage readiness.
Did anyone have anything in that area?
Remember these blue-starred sections
are for those of you that have been divorced.
Please make sure you're going through these.
Even though you have adult children,
I'll tell you right now,
I have a guy that his adult daughter needed to move home.
She was getting divorced.
She needed to move back in.
And so if you have children that start struggling,
your adult children, have you talked about that?
Can they move back in?
Are they gonna be able to live with y'all
if they start struggling?
Have you talked to each other about
what if one of your kids needs a loan?
They need some money.
What if one of your kids comes up
with some kind of addiction or mental health issue?
Those are important things to talk about
for those of you that have grown children.
Because that kind of stuff
can throw a hand grenade into your marriage.
What's it gonna look like?
Are you just gonna start giving your money to your kid
if they ask for it
without getting this other person's permission,
even though it's your money and your kid?
These are not things people think about.
But you know why I'm thinking about them?
Because I've taught Simbas to probably 200 plus couples.
And this kind of stuff happens, right?
So let's be sure that we are having those conversations.
Okay.
Blending a family,
that's not something that's really pertinent to anyone here.
But all of you are going to become family
with this person's family,
obviously with boundaries, okay?
But you are connecting yourself.
And for a lot of you, that's a real good thing.
There's might be some things about that
that are not so good.
And so please make sure that you're discussing that
within reason,
because there's a lot of things that you just can't control.
And it doesn't make any sense
for you to even go down those rabbit holes
and get yourself all upset about it.
There's some things you just can't control.
Let's talk about what we can control,
what we can't have boundaries.
And David and I made a decision a long time ago.
We can't control what tries to come at us from the outside,
but we can control what we allow to come at us
from the inside,
between me and him.
So we just made a decision
that we're not going to let anything
that tries to come at us from the outside, rip us apart.
Instead, we're going to get back to back
and we're going to fight together as a team,
whatever comes at us from the outside, right?
David has a saying and it's become famous around here.
And he says this,
I'm not married to anyone or anything except Jackie Dorman.
And what that means is at the end of the day,
my allegiance is to this woman.
At the end of the day,
what God has called me to do
is protect and cover this woman
and be here for this woman and be a team with this woman.
So what my mama wants or what my kids want
or what any of these other people want,
I'm not married to anybody or anything,
what the job wants, but her.
And I think that's healthy
because I'm Jackie Dorman and that's who he's married to.
So of course I like it.
I like what he's saying,
but I do think that's biblical.
And I think that you can say that,
I can say the same thing.
At the end of the day, I'm not married to anyone,
but David Dorman.
Because at the end of the day, you're one.
This is the only relationship where the two become one.
And you really have to make sure
that you're prioritizing the relationship
and the needs of the relationship
and what the relationship has come together for.
What's the assignment that you guys are called
to do together and what you need to do to do that, okay?
Okay, so let's go ahead
and talk about what our homework's gonna be.
You guys, we're gonna go after page six, next class.
Finances.
See this section down here in between?
between the two blue-starred sections,
it's called Money Talks, that is your homework.
So you're gonna answer these questions.
In my home growing up, money was blank.
When I think about our financial future, blank.
What you may not know about money and me is blank.
The thing I appreciate about you
in relationship to money is blank.
When it comes to money, I'd like to improve my blank.
One specific action we could take right now
that would help me is blank.
Okay?
I had one student that answered that last question.
One specific action we could take right now
that would help me is,
we could look at each other's financials.
They were getting really close to marriage.
She had never seen his financials.
They were able to look at each other's financials,
and guess what?
He was in a lot more debt
than he had told her he was in, right?
And so that was something that she was worried about,
and that was something that when they did this assignment,
they were able to see what was really happening there.
Okay?
And so that's your homework.
We're gonna answer those in class.
You don't have to answer all of them publicly.
We'll just pick one or two to answer publicly,
each of you sharing ones
that you really feel like you wanna share.
So page six, homework.
Make sure you do this.
Money talks, all right?
Do the whole page, but do money talks to share.
And then we're gonna skip down here
to our personality dynamics,
page eight and page nine.
Okay, we may not get to nine,
but go ahead and have it ready.
We're gonna start the personality.
And before we go tonight,
I want us to share what our attachment style was
as we get ready to go into these personality dynamics.
So go ahead and unmute yourself if you want to
and share what you got with the personality.
I'm sorry, the attachment style quiz.
I'm avoidant.
Sorry.
No, go ahead, Beth.
Go ahead.
Let's see, I'm avoidant.
I'm secure.
That's a great match.
Secures and avoidance do so well together.
They do.
You know why?
Because avoidance,
the more that you're with someone who's secure,
the more secure you become, right?
It's true.
Securely attached, securely attached, yeah.
We've known about the attachment styles this whole time.
And so it's really, really helped me
to just kind of translate what's happening
into what's going on and not make it about me.
Okay, yeah, that's good.
I like it.
Okay.
Who's next on my little clock here?
Brian and Megan.
Yeah, so I used to be very avoidant in past relationships.
Just shut down and it was really bad.
I know when you spoke at the course,
was it February where you were at the Life Center, Jackie?
Oh yeah, we were there.
I tested avoidant.
Now being in a relationship with Megan,
she's made me feel more secure
and I feel more at peace and calm
and still have things to work through.
But I think a lot of it's a testament
to how God's been working in my life
and having her in my life.
So I definitely feel the change happening over time.
So I tested secure.
I love that.
That's so good.
Okay, that's awesome.
What about you, Megan?
So I tested anxious,
but it's like when I'm with him,
my thoughts and my minds and everything are more secure,
but then we're apart each week.
Just with our schedules,
we only get to see each other once a week.
So I go more into the anxious thoughts when we're apart,
but when we're together,
I always feel very secure now.
Okay, yeah.
No, that's good.
And long distance is hard.
You guys are long distance.
Long distance is harder.
You can start telling yourself stories,
but make sure that when you do
that you know that you're doing it
and you're able to tell yourself the truth.
Because anxious and avoidant attachment
both has the same root and that's fear, okay?
Remember fear is the opposite of love.
People that we call secure attachers,
they're people that are secure in love.
Get it?
Okay, and that's what Jesus died to reattach all of us
to our original identities,
which is being secure in love,
secure in God, secure, reconciled to love.
And so avoidance, fear of abandonment,
fear of rejection, fear of being controlled.
Anxious, it looks different on them,
but same thing, fear of abandonment,
fear of rejection, all of a sudden.
Same types of fears, just playing it out differently.
All right.
Okay, so Belinda, what are you guys?
We both tested secure
because we're secure in our relationship,
but we know from past testing and just what I've learned,
I've been avoidant and he can lean towards anxious.
So one of the things,
because we've done the heart worker in this program,
I can, for me, I can recognize
when I'm operating in that mentality.
And I now have the tools that, oh, when that comes up,
you know, I think you said that's like an opportunity
for an upgrade, like when you recognize it.
And so-
Yeah, that's good.
That's been very helpful to me
to stay in that secure mindset.
But I definitely now know,
I recognize when I'm in that avoidant mentality,
I'm like, oh, wait a minute, there's a problem here,
you know, and what's I'm looking inside.
So it's been good.
Yeah, that is good.
That's good.
Okay.
Anybody else?
Terry?
We both tested secure.
You both tested secure?
Okay.
And Bruce, you got divorced last December?
Yeah, it's 20 year process,
but it was official in December, yes.
Oh, wow.
You've been apart for 20 years?
No, but she's tried to divorce me four times.
I finally let it happen.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
I gotcha.
I hear you.
All right.
So recapping,
and we're gonna get more into attachment style
and, you know, just some different dynamics
of personalities.
So we're gonna do money talks
and I'll put this in the group.
I'm gonna post it just like I did last time.
So page six,
and you're gonna do that money talks portion
for that shareable homework.
And then you're going to do this,
this dynamics sheet, page eight.
And then if we have time,
we will start on page nine.
We'll see what kind of time we have.
All right.
Thank you guys for being here.
You guys all seem like you're really communicating well
with each other.
You're doing the homework.
That's really great.
And I'm sure that you will begin to find out more
and more about each other
and about what a possible partnership long-term
looks like with each other.
What would it look like?
And so far it looks like it's looking good.
So I'm glad you guys are here
and I will see you next week.
Bye everyone.
Bye.