Recording in progress.
All right, so welcome to Love Seats for September.
If this is your first Love Seat, this is how it works.
I'm gonna make some announcements
about two amazing programs that we're launching here,
and you're gonna be able to ask me any questions
that you want about that.
So do a little housekeeping at the beginning,
but then we're gonna just jump right into Love Seats.
And so the way that it works is it's group dating coaching.
If you have a question or a scenario for the Love Seat,
then you can raise your hand
and volunteer to get in the Love Seat,
and I can coach you live in front of the group,
or we can do a speed round of just questions,
dating questions, just different things
that you guys want to get my input on also in the chat.
And we can also do both, all right?
So if we don't have enough people to get in the Love Seat
and kind of talk about their situation,
you guys can talk about a heartwork situation,
you can talk about a dating situation,
something that you keep running into,
a specific question about a relationship that you're in,
no matter what phase of relationship it is,
level one, two, three, four, five.
And so we will do that starting in just a minute.
But first, I wanna talk about a couple things.
Number one, there was a Labor Day prayer session.
It was just regular Monday women's prayer,
but I led it because it was Labor Day.
And I felt like God gave me a word for Monday
about intercessory prayer.
But you guys, what ended up happening on that call
was really powerful.
And so we recorded it.
So please make sure that you go to your replays
and listen to Monday's prayer recording.
Guys, you as well, we put the prayer recording in your group
because a lot of it had to do with praying for men
and praying for the reconciliation
of the genders and the earth.
And it was super powerful.
And so we wanted you guys to be able to
have access to that as well.
So guys, it's in your replays as well.
All right, a couple more announcements
that have to do with this kind of stuff.
We have phase one, two, and three in the app
and only phase two and three are here tonight.
Let's see, Bethany, can you make sure
that someone's sitting on the other link right now
in phase two, directing people to come over here
in case they didn't get the memo?
All right, great, thank you.
So we're combining phase two and phase three tonight
for Love Seat, but we have phase one, two, and three
on the app.
But we also have a phase three Facebook group
that we are gonna leave open.
We've been phasing out our phase one and phase two,
phasing out our phase one and phase two Facebook groups
and taking all of the students
in phase one and two onto the app.
Now those are not completely phased out.
We're still phasing them out.
But phase three Facebook group is gonna stay open
as a women's community page.
The men also have a community page on Facebook as well
as their group in the app.
And so I just wanna keep that open going forward
because it's easier to have community on Facebook platform
than it is on the app platform, and we understand that.
That being said, your curriculum, your replays,
and your calendar will remain on the app.
You will not find that in your Facebook groups.
We will not be updating that in Facebook.
If you wanna find out what's on the calendar,
where's the link, wanna rewatch some session
because I wanna look at my replays.
If I wanna see curriculum,
if you're in phase one or phase two,
you wanna look through your curriculum
because you need some, do some homework.
All of that's still gonna be in your app.
We still wanna encourage you
to use the Ask a Coach tab in your app.
So if you really wanna get ahold of a coach,
asking a coach in the app
is gonna be the best place to do it.
Let's just chit chat with each other on Facebook
and leave all the coaching and all the questions
and all that for the app.
There's another little tab in all of your app groups,
your app groups, okay, not on Facebook, called Resources.
And if you don't see it yet, you'll see it soon.
And what's gonna be underneath that Resource tab
is the ability to book a one-on-one coaching session.
Also, what's gonna be in that Resource tab
is the ability to get your affiliate link.
If you haven't heard the news,
go watch the last Supernatural Saturday and the one before
and my husband's special information session
from Sunday night, last Sunday night,
where you'll hear about last year's single affiliation.
So all of you have the ability to refer people.
Raise your hand if you've ever referred someone
to this community.
You're like, hey, you should check this out.
Hey, it's amazing, you should come.
Hey, you know, I love it, it's life-changing.
Look at all those hands.
Now, when you refer someone and they join,
you'll get 75 bucks, 75 bones,
75 buckaroos every single time.
And you guys, that's a huge percentage
of the 297 that people pay.
And I want to let you know, that's how much we value you.
And that's how much we value community-based matchmaking.
We're never, ever, ever going to do this without each other.
We're not.
Yes, we have 800 or so success stories.
But with your help, we can have triple that, quadruple
that this coming year.
And you can be those.
Why?
Because whoever you refer will refer someone
who will refer someone who will refer someone you'll
refer someone that's someone else's spirit mate.
They'll refer someone who's your spirit mate.
Remember how I always say, you know
someone who knows someone who knows your spirit mate?
Yeah, this is how that happens.
All right?
So get them in the program so we can
help them do their hard work.
Because we know already that people need their hard work.
It's not just about meeting someone who's single.
It's meeting someone who is ready to partner.
And so we're going to help them get ready as they're in here.
And then last but not least, also under that resource tab,
you're going to be able to get the link to create your profile
on Spirit Mate Match.
You guys, do you want to see our mascot?
Oh my gosh, he's finally done.
This has taken so much longer than I thought.
We had several technical difficulties.
And the customer experience team that
created our technology for us that we're working with
is in a whole different time zone.
And so by the time we wake up, they're asleep.
By the time we go to sleep, they're getting up.
And it's just a nightmare to try to get a hold of these folks.
And so finally, got the technical difficulties worked out for us
to be able to put up your link.
So please be watching for that link.
Where, Jackie?
Watching for that link in phase 3 app, OK?
In the resource page.
That is where it's going to be posted.
Don't email us and ask where it is, because that's where it is.
And we'll have another information session to answer questions.
Do not email us with questions about affiliation
or about Spirit Mate Match.
If you have a question about that, please post it and ask a coach.
Phase 2, I know you're here.
Spirit Mate Match profile is not going to be available to you
until you're in phase 3.
Does that mean hurry up and rush through phase 2 and not do the work?
No.
The reason why it's only available to phase 3,
even though you guys are in your dating season 2,
is because we have to roll it out one group at a time.
It's just way too many people to onboard at the same time.
So in the next couple of weeks, as you graduate from phase 2,
it will be available to you.
All right, you guys want to see our mascot?
I want you to see our mascot.
Isn't he the cutest little toucan?
You see him?
He's shaped like a heart.
Now, you guys, we will know what the toucan means,
but not everyone will know what it means.
But it's a supernatural symbol.
You guys, I believe in supernatural prophetic markers.
I could have chose anything for my logo.
But Spirit Mate Match, which is in the process of being
trademarked right now, its logo will be this toucan.
And we'll all know why.
Because one can't, but two can, right?
Why?
Because that's the word that God gave us.
And I believe that because we are going forward
with that word, because we are valuing that word,
we're going to see the supernatural breakthrough
that that word brings, aren't we?
And so that's just a little tidbit for tonight.
If God has said something to you,
the best thing that you can do is you
can value what God says to you.
If God says a verse to you or something,
maybe get it tattooed on your body.
Perhaps at least, at the very least, journal it.
Write it down.
Draw it out.
Do something with it.
Why?
Because you value it.
If it's something that continues to be a theme and a banner
over your life, then perhaps have something
created, like a picture to hang up in your house or something.
What does that mean?
That means you're keeping it before your eyes
all the time, what God has promised.
Every time any of us see that stinking,
that cute little toucan, that stinking cute little toucan,
what are we going to think?
We're going to think, God said one can't, but two can.
Every time.
It's going to be a prophetic marker for us, isn't it?
Every time we see him.
Do you guys notice how tan I am?
That's because I go on vacation tomorrow
for my mother's 80th birthday.
And I got spray tanned.
And it's a little dark.
It's a little dark.
I have to admit, it's darker than I expected.
I may have changed nationalities.
No one's going to be able to guess who or what I am.
I'm just.
I'm, I'm, uh, what's the word? I'm an enigma because I don't even know if you can see it,
but I'm just like, Whoa, I'm really tan. Um, but I am going on vacation for my mother-in-law's
80th birthday. You guys so special to spend special time with family. And that is exciting.
All right. I look very Hawaiian. Yeah. Thanks. Someone earlier. Yeah. You're my Puerto Rican
sister. And someone earlier thought I was some other version of Hispanic. And I'm just
like, you know, people, but you guys, I am just a tan person in general, just have a
tanner skin tone because of my, my heritage. And so people do come up to me frequently
and try to speak other languages to me as if I speak that language and I don't. All
right. Thank you, Sandra. I appreciate that. Okay. So that I'm going to questions really
quickly. Any questions about the affiliate program or spirit mate match that I can answer?
Because this is being, this is being recorded right now and we can get this replay out to
everyone. Um, you are supposed to join the single cities. Uh, you guys, we're not going
to send the single cities to the app right now. We feel like if it's something that needs
to be community based, it's like Facebook, obviously there's billions of dollars behind
that platform. So the community aspect of Facebook and being able to connect is just
easier. And so as of right now, we're still just keeping them over on Facebook. So please
go ahead and join your single cities because you guys, this technology that we have this
matchmaking service that we have, we have the ability to put together events with it
as well. And we're going to be putting together some events in these different single city
regions. So please, please, please, um, go ahead and join your single city. Let me go
ahead and make another announcement. We have, if you want to Mark your calendar with this,
um, there's going to be two registration pages for last trip single. These are our last two
trips for 2024. There's going to come out here in the next couple of days for you to
register the first, the second weekend. I'm sorry. Is it the third weekend?
Bethany, can you help me with the, the dates on the October event? Do you know what it is?
Um, it's the second weekend. I don't based on some of the other stuff you said, I wasn't sure
what dates for sure you landed on, but I know for sure, 11th and 12th, we talked about.
Okay. So you guys, there's a huge, there's a huge event in Washington, DC on the mall
for women. Okay. And we're going to be involved in that event. In fact, I don't know if any of
you know who Lou angle is, but he's going to come and he's going to lead prayer at one of
our prayer sessions here in the community. And we're going to go gather and men you're welcome
to come as well. Um, but women, especially are going to gather on the mall in DC to pray and
intercede for our nation. Okay. It's not because it's an election year. This was already planned.
And this was the date that God gave Lou to do this. They tried it four years ago,
five years ago. Um, and there wasn't a huge turnout this year. They're hoping for a million
women to come. And we are going to be some of those women. So if you want to meet up with us
in DC, we're going to put together a page. It'll list hotels in different places where you can book
if you're, if you're kind of clueless and say, I don't know what to do. We will try to do at least
one fun thing when we're there together, like go to the creation museum or do something while we're
there in DC together, but we're definitely going to go to this event together. It's an all day
event. Um, it will be fun. You'll be with your sisters and with, you know, lots of other sisters
from all over. And we're going to pray. We're going to sing. We're going to worship. We're
going to be together. We're going to eat some food. We're not going to be fasting that day.
Okay. Fast until you get there, but not there, you know, of course, unless God tells you to.
Um, so we'll put the information up for that. And then the first weekend of December
mark your calendar. So starting on Thursday, the fifth, Friday, the sixth, Saturday, the seventh,
Sunday, the eighth, we're going to be in New York city. If you've ever wanted to do Christmas in
New York, this is the time to do it. The Rockefeller tree will already be lit. The ice skating will
already be up. All the things will be going Christmas in New York city is one of my favorites.
And I want to share that with you. Life center, New York city is going to be having a worship night
on Saturday, the seventh. And we're going to be attending that with them. Um, we're going
to have all kinds of fun, spiritual and not, you know, spiritual, overtly spiritual, and then just
fun recreational things to do together. We'll have a whole itinerary. We will have a room block
on that registration. The DC you're on your own. We'll give you a list of hotels that might have
some available rooms. Got to get them while they're hot, because there's a lot of women
going to DC during that time. Um, but New York city, we will have a room block and we can continue
to add to it depending on who wants to come. If you live in the area, if you're part of single
city, New York city, you live in the tri-state area somewhere, and you're just going to come in
and then go back home.
That's fine as well.
All right, and then next year, y'all, in 2025,
in spring 2025, we're gonna kick off
last trip single with a singles cruise.
And so we're gonna have the registration up for that
very soon too, so you can start paying towards it,
little increments, so it can be budget-friendly
for everyone to be able to go that wants to go.
And then of course, wherever you guys wanna see us go
next year in 2025, let us know,
and we will take it into consideration.
Like to do some fun trips, some camping trips,
some different fun things.
I'd like to do like an adult camp.
You know, we do all kinds of camp stuff,
like zip lining and all the fun,
and we stay in cabins together,
boys versus girls and all that.
Some of you wanna go,
you guys, we are going to Cartagena again.
I think it's in April.
You guys, that was fun.
You guys gotta come, got to come.
And yeah, spring, Regina, spring.
Okay, so those registration pages will be up
soon also in the resource tab in your app
will be the last trip single calendar
and in a way to connect to the last trip single stuff.
So you're like, hey,
where are those registration pages gonna be?
In the resource tab, where?
In your app.
So whatever phase you're in, in your app.
Is it gonna be on Facebook?
Nope.
It's gonna be in the app on the resource page.
All right, any questions about Spirit Mate Match
affiliation program before we go ahead
and jump in the love seat?
I have a question.
Okay.
I have not seen anything in my email
having to do with Spirit Mate Match or the affiliate.
Okay, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.
Thank you, babe.
I'm glad you asked that in front of everybody.
You guys, am I gonna send you emails about this?
No, you're not gonna get any emails.
That's why you don't have one.
Cause you're not going to.
No one's gonna get any emails about this.
That's a current member of this community.
You will only find the information
in the resource tab of whatever group you are in,
in the app.
If you're in phase two, it'll be in your resource tab.
Phase three, it'll be in your resource tab.
Phase two, cheeky mamas and guys,
when you get to phase three,
it'll still be in your resource tab.
Every resource tab will have the exact same thing,
whether you're in phase one, two or three,
whether you're in the men's group, it doesn't matter.
It'll all be there except Spirit Mate Match,
which for right now will only be in phase three tab,
resource tab and men's tab.
Very soon, everyone in all phases that are dating
and not in a sabbatical will be in the Spirit Mate Match,
but we're starting out with phase three and men.
But everything else, last trip, single, affiliation,
anything else that you need,
the ability to book a one-on-one coaching session,
whatever, resource tab.
Cool?
Okay, so Marcia, don't look for emails.
No one else, don't look for emails about this
because you will not receive them.
And you wanna know why we're not gonna send you emails?
Because people don't get their emails.
They don't.
They don't check their emails.
Your email looks like the wild, wild west.
Let's just be honest.
You have 50,000 and I'm not being exaggerated.
You have 50,000 unread emails in your inbox
because you use that email address to sign up
for every freebie offer at every store
that you've ever went into in your entire life.
Okay?
And so that's not a good way for us to communicate with you.
Do we send you emails?
Sometimes, but not recently.
Okay?
And so only in the resource tab,
and that's why the resource tab is gonna be so valuable
because if there's something important we wanna tell you,
we're gonna put it in the resource tab.
Everyone on the same page?
Okay.
I know I said that like five times in different ways
and the reason why is because
not everyone learns the same way.
So I want everyone to know it's in the resource tab.
Is it in the resource tab right this second?
It's not.
So when I say it's in the resource tab,
what I mean to say is that when it's available,
it'll be in the resource tab.
And we hope that it will be available
within the next 24 hours.
Just keep looking in the resource tab until you see it.
Okay.
All right.
Woo-hoo!
Becca.
See, Becca said she's a zero inbox girl.
Do you guys know that with this new matchmaking service,
I have the ability to match people based on
whether you're a zero inbox person or not?
I have the ability to know the littlest,
tiniest things about you that could possibly cause you
to wanna be with someone else.
You know?
The other day, someone posted on one of my challenge things
and they said,
oh, I can't find a man so I keep accumulating cats.
If you heard someone say that they were accumulating cats,
you would kind of think they had a lot of cats, right?
So I responded to her and said,
''Hey, if you really want to make a match,
stop accumulating cats,
maybe rehome a few of them,
get prepared to meet someone who maybe isn't a big fan of cats.''
Then this girl shot back at me,
she clapped back and said,
''I only have two cats.''
I was like, ''Well, then you're not accumulating them.''
Because that word would not be used.
I said this in my head,
I didn't say it out loud to her.
Instead, what I said to her out loud,
or in writing was, I said, ''Oh, I'm sorry.
You made it sound like you had a lot of cats.''
Then I put 20 cat emojis after my words.
So if you're a 20 cat person,
I can match you with someone who likes 20 cats as well.
Yes, and I'm excited about all that.
Anyone have any other questions about this?
So we can move on to love seeds.
The love seed.
We got some people lined up for the love seed.
Shana Marie, I'm going to put you.
Are you going to come on camera?
I should make love seeds only available to people on camera.
I think a couple of people had their hands up already,
and I couldn't lower them for you because I'm not co-host.
Oh, you're not? Okay. You may be the co-host.
All right. Let me make you a co-host,
and then I put everyone's hand down.
Now, only raise your hand if you have a question,
or you want to jump in the love seed.
All right, you guys.
So we're going to start out with love seeds.
We want to make sure that we are honoring everyone's time.
We want to get everyone into the love seed.
And so if you do have a question for the love seed,
let's make sure that it's short, brief,
and powerful so I can answer it,
and we can move on to the next.
Joellen, it looks like she's the first one up,
and I'm going to go ahead and spotlight her.
So you can see her ask her question.
Okay. So my situation is kind of like a pacing type question
of like how you kind of go when you're in level two.
Like, I don't know how to make it short.
So that's my problem right now.
I've been in a level two relationship
since the end of July.
And so there have been a lot of really great things
that came out of this relationship,
like wonderful things.
But there are also like a lot about everything about us
is very different.
And there were some issues to work through.
Like one of the main things being different races
and him experiencing a lot of racism.
And the trauma surrounding that has weighed pretty heavy
like on me on how to be understanding of that
because I've not experienced that,
even though I've lived in other countries
and I'm an ESL teacher.
Like that's just been kind of like a highlight thing,
like a concern.
But anyway, one of the questions I had was,
I didn't know really like when to tell him
I was involved in this program.
And that was one thing that like I just recently told him,
but I felt like at different times
we were maybe doing some things too quickly
or getting too vulnerable too quickly.
And then I would kind of like take a step back a little bit
because I wasn't-
Okay, so give us some examples
of what you thought you were doing too quickly.
So you've been dating him since the end of July.
Yeah.
So it is only the beginning of September.
So really you've been dating him for about a month.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, oh, so an example would be like in the beginning
we started to pray together
and then I asked a coach, like I mentioned that.
And then one of the coaches said
like that's probably not a good thing to do
because you're developing soul ties.
And then I was like, wow, I didn't even think about that.
Like I had no idea about that.
What kind of prayer together?
We were, well, actually we were praying
about like particular decisions
that we were individually making.
And then actually he had a situation
where he needed to forgive.
someone and he did that in prayer. So actually for me, it was a good thing because I got to see him
display heart work, you know, um, so. Okay. So let's clarify this right now for the entire group.
So in the past we have in phase two, which is your, you know, learning to date, dating one-on-one
kind of phase. We discourage people from praying with people that they're in, you know, these
talking stages with, you know, in these level two relationships with where you're getting to
know someone because, and this is the reason why, because there is spiritual manipulation
that can happen. Um, when you're praying with someone, you know, we've had it happen lots of
times where, you know, people get really engrossed in each other's stuff. And then they think they're
hearing from the Lord while they're praying. And then they're giving each other words about
each other and just different things. And so you want to be careful that being said,
if you are spiritually mature and you're getting to know someone and you want to like, you know,
they want to say, Hey, you know, I have a big job interview this week. Will you pray for me?
You know, will you keep me in prayer? Or I have this situation if by getting to know someone,
especially since we're spirit mates and not just flesh mates or soulmates, it's important that we
are spiritual, you know, in front of each other, like she's saying right now. And so you just need
to know how to keep a balance in it. Does that make sense to everyone? Okay. It can get manipulative.
You can create, uh, feelings of false intimacy through intercession and prophetic prayer and
different things with each other. But yeah, if you're, like I said, if you're spiritually mature
and you're using it correctly now, do I suggest in, in, you know, in a level two relationship,
we're just getting to know someone that you start going through a book together or doing a devotional
together or doing some dating or pre marriage book together. No, I don't suggest that now after
you've established an exclusive relationship with someone where it is now a marriage minded
relationship, regardless of how long you've been together. If you've developed, if you have
established a marriage minded relationship, then I would say, take it slow on that stuff.
Because once again, it can, it can actually mask red flags. If you're being all spiritual
with someone, you might not be paying attention to what's right in front of you. Okay. And so
just be careful with that because it can cause you to ignore things that you shouldn't ignore.
Okay. Back to you. All right. So what is your question about pacing? What do you want to know?
Um, so, well, basically, cause I feel like I, then I took a step back and,
and I was kind of like not doing that. And then, um, yeah, like with pacing, like just figuring
out like how you go from one level to the next, because I feel like I really mess things up
because we were in different locations for a bit. Um, he's in another country right now at location.
And, um, so basically I feel like I made a really big mistake because, you know, he was saying that
he was going out with an old friend that was a girl and whatever. Um, and it didn't really bother
me because I just believed him on that. And then, um, I went out with some friends and then our
plans changed and then we ended up going to like a single meetup. And when I told him that he got
really, really upset and was like, how could you go to a single meetup? And I was like, well,
you know, we haven't really defined like how, where we're at and nothing happened at the single
meetup. I just played miniature golf with a bunch of women. But anyway, um, I felt really bad about
that, but he got very upset and was like, I think we just need to be friends. And so I was sort of
like really crushed. Okay. Well, yeah, just, okay. So first of all, um, displaying that type of
jealousy so early in, you know, any kind of relationship is not good. It's not a good sign.
You know, if he doesn't trust you, I mean, he barely knows you. You don't have any reason to
lie to him. If he thinks that you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing or that
you're lying to him or cheating on him, even though you're not his girlfriend, then that is
showing that he's got some unhealed trauma. So if he's saying that you should just be friends, then
I would consider that being God defended, honestly. Okay. You know, you didn't, but I want
to tell you something, you didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I think that the decision that
you made there was probably very supernaturally driven in being able to see and see, you know,
show you what's going on here. You know? Yeah. I want to, I want to say something else about,
people that are dating outside of your, you know, your race.
It doesn't have to just be your race. It could also be your background.
Like say you're raised in the church, you're dating someone who's a newer believer
or someone who just became a believer as an adult, you're dating someone from a different race,
a different nationality, someone whose first language was not the same as your first language,
even though they speak your language now, it wasn't, you know, just cultural differences.
There are going to be differences in the way that you think and feel about things.
There are. It's not going to be easy to date someone who has a very, very different upbringing
or past or heritage or lineage or, you know, creed, anything. And so that keeping that in mind,
you're going to have to work through that stuff. I like it that we're different. I think that it
brings a richness to relationships, but you're going to have to be willing to see life through
somebody else's eyes. Okay. And that's not the easiest thing to do. And so let's make sure that
we keep that in mind as we're going forward. All right. So I'm sorry that you're disappointed
about that. I know that it sounded like it was going in a good direction, but once again,
I think that the things you're seeing right now are things that you definitely should not ignore.
I'm trying to see what your name. Okay. Joellen. All right. So.
I, and just like one other thing is because our backgrounds were so different,
like he experienced a lot of trauma and how he grew up and I didn't. And like, I think I felt
like he just kept on saying, like, I have all this experience and you don't have experience.
And I just didn't know how to answer that. I was like, well, I don't have the experience,
but how else do you get experience? Unless you just dig in and try to deal with things.
What specific thing was he saying? You didn't have experience in.
In relationships because he had a long-term relationship where he was engaged and he broke
it off. And so, and he's had a lot of experiences with a lot of relationships and I haven't.
Okay. Well, here's the thing. The common denominator in all those failed relationships
is him. So hopefully he will be open to coming and doing some hard work. And then secondly,
not having experience in relationship means that you also don't have relationship baggage. And so
that is good for you. Right. And so not having experience, especially if it's bad experience,
like what he's talking about is a good thing. It's a good thing, right? Yeah. All right.
All right. Guess what? Guess what? You just got some experience. Yeah, it's true. Welcome.
Thank you. Welcome. All right. You're welcome. Listen, I know that that's disappointing, but
you'll see, you'll see why you watch and see what's going to happen after you, you learn
these things that you're learning here and you're moving forward. You're going to see that there are
better prospects ahead. All right. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. And, and ladies and gentlemen,
let's, let's not rush in with our feelings and our emotions too quickly with people.
All right. Um, let's definitely not do that. We want to make sure that we're giving ourselves
space to get to know people. We're at a good pace so that we don't get super disappointed
over a relationship that really didn't have a lot of longevity anyway.
Like it didn't have a lot of promise of longevity anyway. Right. This is a great,
this was a great opportunity for her to get some experience, um, in dealing with people and in
dating someone and, you know, and in seeing different levels of heartwork and different
non-negotiables from heaven. And so I call this a win. This is a win for her. All right.
Especially since guys, isn't it beautiful how quickly God will defend us, how quickly God will
show us what's there so that we don't have to spin our wheels and waste our time. If we will
let him, God will show us things really fast about the acquaintances that we are entertaining.
It's important. All right. We're going to go ahead and jump into the next love seat. Rachel's next
in line on my, on my chart here. So Rachel you're up. Thanks Jackie. Um, so I actually have a pacing
question kind of as well, but it's kind of the other end of it. So I have been talking to a man
since the middle of June. Um, and we've gone out on seven dates, um, throughout the summer
and they've all been really fun dates. Um, we've had tons of time to talk and, um,
lots we've gotten to know each other really well. Um, but it's been like, uh, lots of time in between.
And, um,
And this last one was, we had almost three weeks between our
prior date to the last one this last weekend. And we went on a
long hike and had a picnic. So we were together for a few hours
and, and it was at this point that I, I just felt like I
needed to ask him kind of where things were, because I've
noticed that he doesn't initiate a lot of texting or calls in
between. I'll text, he'll text me back, I'll text, and then
he'll call me. But he doesn't initiate a lot of the calls or
the texts. And then he always initiates the dates. And he's,
he's has the three M's for sure. But he's also fairly newly
divorced. And so this is kind of a new how newly how newly
divorced? I think it was final in May, I think in May was when
it was final. Okay. And how long have they been separated?
A year and a half before that. Okay, go ahead. So when we
talked on Sunday, and I asked where we were at, he basically
said, he's not ready for a commitment, because he doesn't
want to have a rebound relationship. And I'm the first
person that he's dated since the divorce. And so he wants to
just take it slowly. He wants to honor the Lord, he wants to
follow him through. Okay, let me ask you a question. Is he taking
it slowly?
Well, I guess that's my question. Is he taking it
slowly? Because it feels like I mean, there's been two to three
weeks between dates. The the bigger issue for me is like he
doesn't text or call to check in between. Very rarely does he and
so he'll respond to mine, but I, I'm
a romantic relationship. Has he held your hand? Has he tried to
kiss you? Has he gotten romantic with you in any way?
He's not tried to kiss me. He has held my hand.
Okay. And there's two to three weeks in between these dates.
And you don't hear from him until like, do you plan the next
date when you're together? Or does he just pop up two to three
weeks later? Like, hey, you want to go out?
So we've been texting in between. And, okay. It was
fairly as you said, there was no communication in between. No,
no, he wasn't initiating the text. So I would text and then
he would text me back. Okay. And then or I would text him and he
would call but waiting for him to initiate a text sometimes
will be two or three days or four days. Yeah. And so then
he'll text me and say, Hey, do you want to go dancing tonight?
And so three of our dates were like totally spontaneous same
day. And so there's not a lot of thought ahead. And then and he
actually told me on this last date that his wife got upset
with him. His ex wife got upset with him about that a few times
because he didn't plan things. So that was interesting insight
from that standpoint. But I'm just wondering, do I need to
just hold back and let him initiate who does he have
children? Yes. Okay. And who initiated the who initiated the
divorce?
What was the reason for the divorce? As far as you know,
renounced God and went bipolar and lost custody of her kids and
went a little bit crazy.
Okay, so he has full custody of his children. Okay, and how old
are they? 1517 21 and 23. Okay, so he has two teenagers at home
and maybe a young adult of some sort.
Because his girls are don't live at home. His older they don't
live with him. They're they're on their own. They're in college
and on their own. But the 15 and 17 year old live at home.
15 and 17. All right, well, the guy's busy. All right. So he's
full. He has full custody of kids. And, you know, and so
he's, he's just officially divorced as of May. And he
already told you with his own words that he wants to take
things slow that he doesn't want to rebound. You're seeing him
every two to three weeks. I'm kind of concerned about the fact
that the only thing that's keeping communication alive with
you guys is you. That's my question. Right? Yeah. So I
definitely hit you guys. This is a slippery slope, ladies. I want
to talk to you about this. Okay. This guy is trying to figure out
his life. It's not a bad guy. All right. Nothing that we've
heard so far says that this guy is bad in any way, shape or
form. Okay, he's, he's, he's been dealt some blows. He lost
his he lost his wife, he lost his marriage because of her
choices. Okay, there's it takes two to tango. So I'm sure there
were some failures on his part to cover and protect. But yes.
And then he's got four kids.
Two of them might be at college,
but I have three kids that are all adults.
And I know what it's like,
even when they don't live with me,
them calling, them needing things,
you know, worrying about them, all this stuff.
And then he has two teenagers at home.
And I'm telling you, high school is the wild, wild west.
And so he's got two teenagers at home
and he's trying to have some kind of social life.
So seeing him every two to three weeks, that's about right.
And he's telling you that he wants to go slow.
And so you're going to have to go slow with him
because that's what he has said he wanted.
So my question to you is who else are you seeing
or dating besides this guy?
Nobody right now.
Right, that's a mistake.
So you're a beautiful woman,
you're an eligible bachelorette.
You need to get out there and meet more people
because if you're sitting around waiting for this
to turn into something,
you won't be waiting for a minute, okay?
And so don't do that.
Now, the slippery slope part is,
should she stop being the initiator in the conversations?
Well, she set herself up as the initiator.
So now she is the initiator and that doesn't make him bad.
It doesn't make him not interested in her.
It's just because she has been the initiator,
he now expects her to initiate.
And that's what happens when we do that.
And he already told you that in his former marriage,
his wife was the initiator
because she complained that he doesn't initiate.
So guess who initiated?
Him, I mean her.
So do you see what I'm saying?
Now, does that make a man a bad man?
No, I definitely initiated most contact
with my husband when we were neighbors.
I flirted mostly with him.
He had no game at all.
And so this guy just might not have any game.
He's been married for a long time.
Look at how old his kids are.
26 years.
Yeah, so he doesn't know how to do this.
He doesn't.
And so I definitely would keep him in the roster.
I would keep him on your roster,
but I would definitely add a few more players.
Okay, that way you don't feel like you're waiting around
for Mr. two to three weeks.
Okay, he's in a healing trajectory right now.
He's healing, he's figuring out what he wants,
what life, he's raising his kids.
You know, if something happens here, okay,
you can make a decision about it
if something starts to happen
and he starts to develop feelings for you
and he wants to make more of a concerted effort on you,
but he's just not there yet.
Right?
So if you feel like, if it ever gets to a place with,
because you're Mrs. Initiation now, just so you know.
And so if it ever gets to feel like, you know,
like you're chasing him or he can't be bothered,
then definitely don't do that anymore.
But if you're communicating
and he's communicating right back
and he's like, hey, let's go out, wanna do things.
Okay, cool.
You can continue to be the person that is,
you know, communicating.
And some people are really bad communicators
through technology, you guys.
I mean, to this day, my husband is a horrible texter.
Horrible.
He's told me that straight up right at the very beginning.
That he's not-
Yeah, my husband's bad.
Yeah, my husband's bad too.
Like the whole family complains about it.
You send dad a text,
you're not gonna get a reply for like a long time.
Okay.
And so, in fact, our team will say,
my husband has a lot of amazing qualities,
but communicating through technology is not one of them.
And so, because our team communicates
through technology too.
So we're not gonna hold that against.
There's a whole bunch of things.
I love it that he was able to tell you from the beginning
that he has no intention of moving quickly.
That is good.
It's good that he's able to say that.
He hasn't led you on.
He's let you know from the very beginning.
It sounds like you guys are having fun together
when you do get together.
Let's just let it be that until it becomes something else.
Okay.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Sound good, Rachel?
Okay.
Cause Rachel, you're just back at,
you're back out on these dating streets.
Weren't you like in a semi-serious relationship
not that long ago?
Yeah.
I mean, it was only,
that relationship was only about a month and a half long,
but yes, that was back in April.
So you're still licking your wounds from that
and you are afraid that this is showing signs of that.
You're right.
That's exactly right.
Well, that's Holy Spirit
because you know how many of you guys there are?
And the fact that I remember that about you
tells me that Holy Spirit is jogging my memory about that.
So do not compare that guy to this guy.
And the way you stay out of these situations
is by keeping more than one guy in rotation
when they're not ready for something serious yet.
Okay?
Okay.
Thank you.
All right.
Yep.
And in fairness, you guys,
this guy shouldn't be ready for something serious yet.
You guys, he shouldn't.
He just got divorced in May.
It's only the beginning of September.
So it's great that he's pacing himself a little bit
and trying to get his head together.
I think that's good.
All right, Constance.
Hi Jackie, thank you for taking my question.
I met a man about a month ago
through my singles ministry at my church
and we've been hanging out ever since.
And last week he asked me to meet with his counselor
to do a phone call with her.
And then he also asked if he could do a call
with one of my, I don't have a counselor right now,
but one of my past counselors.
And so I thought that was kind of weird,
but I went ahead and did that.
I never, no one's ever asked me to do that before,
but I did meet with his counselor
and she assured me that I wasn't on trial,
but, and that she wanted to share with me some emotional,
spiritual and emotional things
that might help us know if we're compatible, I guess.
And so, yeah.
So what are your thoughts, I guess, on that first?
I think it's super weird.
Okay, does anyone, raise your hand if you think it's weird.
How, can you remind me of how long you've known this guy
or how long, like how long after the first date
did he ask you to talk to his counselor?
About three weeks.
Okay, and have you, how many dates have you had in total?
A lot, it's been about a month,
but we've done dance festivals
and we've logged a lot of hours in the last month, so.
Okay, so here's the thing.
He could be a completely okay guy.
It sounds like you're having fun with him,
but he could have like, like a,
and I don't want to say inappropriate
because that makes it sound sexual,
but it sounds like he might have a little bit too much
of a codependency on his therapist.
Is that what it sounds like to you guys?
Like it almost like he needs her to speak for him
or she needs to be involved in, you know,
in the relationship in some way.
And that's a flag for me.
Okay.
Therapy should be something that's very private,
something that's, you know,
unless you're married to someone
and you're going to a joint counselor,
having someone, you know,
directing someone to your therapist
so that they can understand you better
after three weeks of knowing them?
Because I'm assuming that that was like,
oh, talk to my therapist
and you'll understand like me better.
You'll understand what I'm dealing with
or what I'm going through.
Was that the purpose?
I think it's more the purpose for,
so he's been divorced for two years.
He remarried like six years ago
and that woman was, according to him
and the therapist and she didn't go into details,
but she confirmed that that lady
was completely off her rocker.
And-
Okay, so what's happening here
is he was having you vetted out by the therapist
to see if you're completely off your rocker.
Exactly.
You just got interviewed by the therapist.
Yeah.
Yeah, did you pass?
I did, I did pass, so that's good.
And it actually-
We're going to give him a pass right now
because you know what?
You know what's happened y'all
is he doesn't have a community like this.
Right.
You know, you guys bring men here,
you bring women here
and you present them to us,
you know, you guys post your scenarios and stuff
so that you can get other eyeballs on it
in case you're still going back
into the same old dysfunctional patterns as before.
So this guy doesn't have a community like this.
All he has is this therapist
that's obviously helped him heal
from whatever he's been through.
And so he's having her be his community like us.
That's what's happening.
Yeah, yeah, I think so too.
Cause at first I was, I was converted out about it
but then when I talked to her,
I actually felt way better
because I was kind of nervous about him too
because of my background being completely duped myself.
And, and, you know, like all of us
like not realizing what we're getting into.
And so it was nice to have her perspective
cause she's known him for,
for like 15 years.
He actually met her 15 years ago
when he was saved through their ministry.
And then he went back to her when that marriage went down.
I don't think it's a big deal for her to vet you out
because he's had so much trauma
in the area of picking a woman
because he's essentially doing what we do here.
But if you start to see any codependency
between him and her, he's known her for 15 years.
It sounds like he really leans in a lot to her opinion.
Right now, you have her favor,
but that could change and it could shift.
I know it sounds weird,
but even though she's just his therapist,
people don't like not being needed anymore
when someone else comes along
that someone is needing more than them.
And so you gotta keep an eye on that.
Okay.
Okay, good.
And then my question to you is what do you,
should I just deny him the ability to talk to a counselor
that I've seen in the past or just,
I mean, cause there's nothing a counselor is gonna tell him
that is a deep, dark secret
because I don't have any deep, dark secrets,
but his ask for me was-
Okay, so you're saying that he wants to talk
to one of your counselors now?
Yes.
Okay.
So he obviously puts a high priority
on counseling and therapy.
He obviously thinks that that is like where it's at.
And he is wanting to do the same thing
that he did for you with you.
Like it's a deeper level of like vulnerability
or transparency.
I think that what you share with your counselor
is private information.
And I think that it is actually, in my opinion,
it's just because he wanted to do that
doesn't mean that you should do in kind.
I think that it's a violation of boundaries, honestly.
Okay.
I do.
But the thing is, is because he values counseling
and therapy and he values that level of transparency,
he might not take that well
and it might be the end of your relationship.
Right.
Yeah.
I wouldn't do it.
I don't think it's necessary.
I think that letting him meet your people,
the people that know you well,
if he wants to get to know you,
he can get to know you in community.
The people that you go to church with,
your friends, your family,
that's how you get to know people,
not by going and meeting with their therapist.
Okay.
It's just not a thing.
And so what I'm getting from this is,
I mean, he's definitely marriage-minded
in our moving forward, right?
Like that's for him,
because he hasn't been through this community,
you know, he's considering our time
as whether or not we would be a marriage-minded relationship.
I mean, that's what he's thinking, I think.
You can always invite him here.
Oh, I will.
He's actually already, I'm waiting for my link.
He's already asked me for the info.
So I will, as soon as I have my link,
I will be sending it to him.
Yeah.
Well, and we have a great Symbus class
for all of you that are in any kind
of marriage-minded relationship,
even if it's not an engagement.
Symbus is wonderful.
It's taught by either me and David or Brian and Bethany,
and it is called Save Your Marriage Before It Starts,
S-Y-M-B-I-S,
and it digs into anything and everything
you could ever want to know about someone
before you would move forward with them towards marriage.
And so, and it's fun too.
And so we have those at least
probably every seven to eight weeks, I would say.
All right, so get in on the next one
if you guys want to have a good time with that.
Okay, thank you for those questions.
Keep us posted, let us know how it goes.
All right, let's kind of,
guys, these are taking,
each one of these is taking a little bit too long,
so we're going to have to do like a lightning,
a lightning round.
So Leslie, you're up,
but we've got to keep it brief and to the point.
What is your loveseat question?
Yes, thank you.
My loveseat question is this.
I've been on Facebook, doing the Facebook dating,
and I'm finding that a lot of the gentlemen there
are interested in forming an intimate relationship.
And so once,
and they're pretty much telling me that upfront.
And so I have pretty much said no,
not pretty much, I've said no to all of them.
And I just want to know,
is there somewhere else I can go?
Should I stay on Facebook dating?
there some type of cue that I can look for
that will let me know that that man
is just interested in intimacy?
I'm just trying to figure it out.
Here's the thing, and it's such a good question, thank you.
And when she says intimacy, she's saying sex, y'all, okay?
She's not saying intimacy, she's saying, you know,
he wants to, you know, get in the goods.
And so let's talk about the fact
that people play their cards pretty quick, all right?
If that's what someone's interested in,
they're not usually interested
in playing the long game to get there, right?
They usually kind of play those cards really quickly
in the language that they use with us.
You know, they might bait a hook, you know, here and there.
And it's not just men that do this.
Women do this as well.
They do, all right?
They do.
There's a woman right now who pretended to be a guy
on a dating app,
just to see how women would react to her and stuff.
And women can be just as scandalous as men.
Just want to let you know that right now, okay?
So usually, Leslie,
they're going to let you know pretty quickly.
They're going to focus in on your looks.
They're going to focus in on your body.
They're going to ask you inappropriate questions
about, you know, different things.
That's an immediate no.
Once that happens, it's thank you next, you know,
because they're not going to play the long game.
Another thing they do a lot of times
is they will message you at inappropriate times,
like late at night, okay?
Late at night.
Why?
Because they probably had a couple of drinks
and now they're just horny
looking for someone to talk to.
Yeah.
Yes, friends, this is what happens, okay?
And so if they message you late at night,
it's an immediate bless them and block them, right?
Sometimes we don't give people even a second chance
once we see.
We're like, no, I don't have time for that.
And here's why it's so important,
because if you entertain men or women like that,
gentlemen, if you entertain women like that,
that are just after your paycheck
or, you know, show that they don't have real interest in you
beyond what you can do for them,
or women that, you know, doesn't happen as often,
but you can tell that they're, you know,
immoral as far as what they physically want from you.
And then women with men, that happens a lot more
with men being physically inappropriate,
like, you know, trying to get physically inappropriate
and being verbally inappropriate.
If we block those people quick, y'all,
if we cut that off fast, then what does it do?
It reserves our time and energy
and our bandwidth for someone who's not looking for that,
right, right off the bat,
only thing they're looking for.
And also it doesn't jade our minds
that this is all men want.
This is all they want.
I hear men all the time say to me,
all women want is money.
All they want is a free ride.
All they want is a paycheck.
All they want is someone to take care of them
so they can do whatever they want.
You know why?
Because those men,
they entertain too many women that were like that,
and now it has just jaded their minds.
So in order for us not get jaded against men,
oh, all they want is sex.
All they want to do is sex.
All they want to do is talk about sex.
All they want to do is, you know,
try to do this or that.
Cut it off really quickly
so that you don't end up thinking
that that's all the men out there
and that's all that they want.
Don't let it go even past hello, right?
As soon as you see it, it's over.
Bless them and block them.
Don't leave the door open.
And you know what else?
Don't try to save them, sister Christian.
Okay, don't try to save them.
And I'm not talking to my friend
that was just on here talking to me.
I don't think she probably tries to do that,
but some of you ladies would probably be
trying to talk them into being a good man,
trying to talk them into being respectful
or trying to talk them into not treating you that way.
Why would you waste your time on that?
Your job is not to lead them to Jesus.
Bless them and block them and move on.
Okay, so my answer to her is,
as soon as you see signs of it, goodbye, moving forward.
And the answer to her question about
should I go to a different platform?
No, because it's everywhere.
But there's also good men everywhere.
There's also men that are marriage minded
everywhere as well.
And so what we have to do
is we have to cut off the other ones quickly
so we make room for the new ones.
And if you're swiping on a certain type of man,
ask yourself, am I picking the guys that are like this?
What do all the guys I swipe on have in common?
What do they have in common?
Because maybe I'm choosing this type of man.
And then the next thing you can do
is make sure that your pictures, lady, your profile,
the things you've written
and the way you've presented yourself,
and I'm not saying she's doing this,
but this is something.
and y'all need to look at, does it in any way, shape or form
suggest that you are open to, you know, sex or sexual
comments? Case in point, I know that this is year 2024. I know
women can dress however they want to. But if you go around
with your boobies out, men are going to want to have sex with
you. I'm just gonna tell you that right now. If you have a
picture on a dating app, that's you and all boobs, you're gonna
attract the wrong kind of people. You are. Now, can you
have a bikini picture? Sure. But should you post it on a date on
a dating app? No, you shouldn't. Why? Because the people that are
looking for that are looking for skin, the more skin that you're
showing, especially the you know, the spicy skin, if you're
showing the spicy skin, then that's what you're gonna get. If
you're if your pictures have skin tight clothes on that leave
nothing to the imagination, that's what you're gonna get. I'm
not saying that you got to dress like grandma Moses. But I am
saying that whatever you are baiting the hook with is what
you're going to catch. All right, keep it in mind. All
right. If I go on a dating app, and all I'm all I'm all I'm
swiping on are guys that are in finance that drive Ferraris that
you know, are you know, their favorite pastime is drinking old
scotch, then what do you think those guys are going to have in
common? They like money. Right? They like money. They like image.
They like, you know,
prestige. Okay, so look at the people that you're swiping on and
ask yourself, what do all these people have in common? And do
they have in common the things that I would want in a spirit
mate? Cool. You get it? Sorry, guys, it's raining so hard. I
can barely even hear I'm like screaming over here. Because
it's raining so hard at my house right now. Spicy skin. Yeah.
Got it. Thank you. So let so Leslie, all the guys that have
tried to hit you up for a little booty call. What do they
have in common? I want you to sit down with Holy Spirit and
see what do all of their profiles have in common? Okay.
Because you're on an app where they got to choose you and you
got to choose them back. So why did you why did you choose them
back? Like why did you say yes to them? What made you say yes?
And what is the attractor for you in all of those scenarios?
What caused you to say yes to that connection in all of those
scenarios? Does that make sense? Yes. All right, then report
back. Because there are good men out there that do not want to
have sex with you. Until they're married to you. They are they
exist. I promise you they exist. They do want to have sex. They
do want to have sex. Leslie, do not misunderstand me. They do.
But they also want to respect you and God. And those are the
men you're looking for. Amen. Amen, girl. It's gonna happen.
Okay, well, you guys what I'm going to give one ounce of our
attention or time to the guys that are not like that. But I
want to tell you something about them that I know to be true. A
lot of times they're fun. And they're funny. And they have a
lot of charisma. They're very charismatic. All right. They're
smooth talking. I used to like the smooth talking guys. All
right. So be careful. Be careful of yourself. Because there's
some things that you like about those guys. Even though you
don't like what you say you don't like about them. There are
some things we do like about them. And so we've got to own
that. Okay, let's own it. All right. So Jessica, all right,
short, brief and powerful. What you got, girl?
Okay, my anxiety immediately like kick things. I'm like,
okay, I've got notes here. So you wanted an update about a
question that I asked back in mid December. I'm sure there's a
replay somewhere, but I don't know. I haven't been able to
locate it. Anywho, I was in a relationship with a guy that we
reconnected. We dated when I was like in junior high. He was in
high school. At the time I was living in Redding, California.
and I was about to move back to the south and he ended up coming out to California
and then he kind of had like this uh anxiety panic attack and okay yeah I remember this story
he was struggling with anxiety and depression yeah and uh I was he had never like he said
that he never really thought of himself as getting married um but that maybe he would
now because I was in the picture um and then um he said that you know he wasn't really wanting
to have children um but also like he wanted to change but didn't know how to and so um
yeah I was encouraged to like be prying about it and um that like if he says he doesn't want
to have children that I kind of need to like believe him and so it got to a point to where
it was like okay I feel like emotionally in my heart like I'm about to be like at a place
like a point of no return kind of thing um and there were so many things that were great about it
but then there were just like a couple of things that were like like weird or like or just not
something was off like there's a check in my spirit um so I ended up having a conversation
with him at like the end of January 1st of February and um just shared that just shared
my heart with him and um so I broke things off um I didn't know I don't know if maybe somewhere
I thought that maybe I don't know I could sit here for like seriously hours and tell you all
these different angles because I know but we don't got time girl I know I'm gonna just like
cut to the point um so I we parted ways and then I started working this new job in Louisiana
I started dating someone else or getting to know someone else um and it was two months later
my brother like comes to tell me one morning that this guy uh died because he he shot himself the
night before so um I've been like yeah grieving and processing all that and um looking at it from
all these different angles my question is like how do I like because I know even in the midst of all
of this like God knew all of the things that were going to happen I'm also aware that people have
free choice like free will and so um okay so first of all I just want to let you know
that if you would not have broken things off with him in January and you were still with him dating
him you know God forbid married to him he still would have killed himself okay you you couldn't
have changed the trajectory of this right this is him doing this it has nothing to do with you
doesn't have to do with the disappointment of not being with you he told you when he visited
you that he has severe anxiety issues okay he told you that he was struggling with his mental health
okay what has happened here is that you opted out of being part of that struggle
you opted out of being part of that struggle you made a decision you did not have peace in
your spirit y'all this is why it's so important to follow after peace okay follow peace yes
right embrace peace she didn't have peace about continuing the relationship she didn't continue
the relationship somewhere down the line of this year this man took his life this is a very tragic
situation very tragic but also not something that you had a front row seat to because you
were buying a ticket to a front row seat to this man's struggle and you are not you were not
involved with it okay and because God checked your spirit like you said you're using that word checked
my spirit meaning that you knew it wasn't the right thing for you and you put up a boundary
and you went a different way and I think that's great I think it's wonderful guys when it comes
to suicide it's very very misunderstood what happens to people especially when their mental
health causes them to take their own lives I know that the old religious people like back in the day
the religious idea is that those people go straight to hell I do not believe that that's true okay
I do not believe that I believe that these people are caught in a web of lies I believe that they
are being held hostage in their minds by so much demonic intrusive thoughts I think that God is a
loving and gracious God and I do not believe that suicide is the unforgivable sin and so if you
believe that it's not biblical it's not scriptural okay it isn't
Um, and I'm really sorry that that happened with your friends.
You obviously cared about this man.
And yes, it is appropriate for you to grieve, but also it's appropriate to be
very thankful that the Lord did not allow you to go forward into a romantic
relationship, possible, even possible marriage with this man.
Um, and so that's something to be thankful for as well.
Well, and there's a part of me too, that's like, I'm so aware, like whenever
you talk about the war on marriage and like, there's this part of me that's
like very aggressive and like, cause I never, if you had asked me whenever I
was younger, would this be like some big dream of my life?
Like I always just like, of course, to be married and to have a family and
things and like just seeing society today and how it's all playing out.
Yes.
There's part of me that wants to be even all the more like intentional.
And, and, you know, and I'm thankful too, that you've mentioned that there's
not just one person for everybody, but like, it's about like, are you on the
same path or are you like your spirit mate, like you're doing kingdom business
together, whether that is just being married and loving each other and being
your representation of that to the world or yeah, whatever, you know, business
or, or whatever sort of things that you might be doing together.
Um, but yeah, I just, I'm like, I think that, uh, I've just noticed because
that happened back in April and, um, like just like these sort of, yeah, I guess.
I don't know.
I think someone posted like survivors.
I don't know, but basically guilt and just like trying to like, you
know, not beating myself up about it.
So we just super appreciate prayers.
And also if you have any suggestions about how I can move through
this, I'd super appreciate that.
Yeah, no, I mean, that's why I told you that it isn't your fault and there
isn't any way that you could change that.
Oftentimes people will think, well, if I would have done this or that, then I
could have changed the trajectory of this person's outcome and that's not true.
It isn't, it's just not true.
Um, and so it's important that we do not, um, make up stories like that.
And if any of you have a story like that right now, where you had someone that you
cared about that passed away, regardless of whether it was in an accident, whether
it was by self harm, whether it was because of a disease and you have entertained the
thought that if I would have done X, Y, Z differently, maybe they would still be
alive.
If I would have taken them to get a second opinion, if I would have, you
know, tried to get them to go to this therapy or that therapy, or if I would
have just been there that night, or if, you know, if, if we wouldn't have gotten
to that argument and they wouldn't have gotten the car, you know, whatever, raise
your hand.
If you have had some type of guilt about someone else passing away and you wishing
that you would have, or could have done something differently and have made up
stories in your mind about how that could have saved them.
You guys, that's a normal part of grief.
It's called bargaining.
It's a normal part of grief.
Well, if I would have done this different, well, you know, just, and even playing it
out in your mind of what it would look like for you to do this different thing
that you thought maybe could have changed it.
Right.
Cause hindsight's 20, 20, and you look back and say, well, maybe I could have
done this, or maybe I could have done that, but what if this would have
happened instead of this?
Stop that.
Stop torturing yourself that way.
You know, my mom was sick.
She died of fourth stage metastatic breast cancer.
To her bones, to her brain, um, to her lungs and essentially of COVID before
people knew what COVID was in the hospital, she passed away of all of those
things on a ventilator in the ICU in a way that no one should ever see a loved
one pass away.
And that was four years ago.
And since she's passed, I can't tell you how many times it has tried
to enter into my mind space.
Well, if you would have just done this differently, if you would have got
the second opinion, you know, if you would have just, you know, made her do
this diet or that diet or try this supplement or do this, first of all,
y'all, my mom wasn't open to doing any of that stuff.
Okay.
She's got free will.
And I couldn't even get her to juice.
Right.
Because she was like, the vegetables are still dirty, even if you cleaned them.
All right.
So there isn't anything that I could have done nothing, but your mind will
still try to tell you there is.
So you've got to shut it down.
Go listen to my supernatural Saturday about thinking about what you're thinking
about, you've got to shut it down.
All right.
So, um, one thing that I think that you can do, uh, my friend, Jessica is you
could read a book called imagine heaven.
And it talks about what people experience after they pass away, based on hundreds
of near death experiences of people that were interviewed for this book.
And it's powerful.
And I think that it will help you come into a peace about where your friend is
and what he's experiencing because of the grace and goodness of God.
All right.
And then ask God to continue to heal your heart.
Psalm promises us that he's close to the brokenhearted and he is, um, with
those that are questions.
spirit, right? And so, uh, yes, we pray for your heart and specifically for your mind
to be free from guilt and shame in Jesus name. Okay. You guys, we got to go through these
Ruth. You're up. You guys said, listen, when I say brief, I mean brief. Okay. Because all
of these that I've said brief to have not been brief. So we've just got to do it brief.
All right. I'll try to make this week. Um, so my question is more theoretical. Thank
you for taking the question, by the way. Um, so I have a very close relationship with God.
I've always heard God very clearly ever since I was a child. And I often will like talk
to God about the dates I'm going on or before I go on them. And God will often be like,
that's not for you. And he did this with my ex-husband. He did this with my last boyfriend.
Okay. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Okay. I have read your question in the ask Jackie.
Um, and so I want to ask you a different question before God, before God, and I'm not saying God
doesn't talk to you, but it's important because a lot of y'all in here, I've got religious OCD
and you think God's always saying no to everything. So I got to address this. Okay. Before God says
to you, Ruth, that's not for you. Do you ever have anything inside of you that is already
seeing some discrepancies and some possible flags? That is a good question. Um,
so I'm trying to think sometimes yes or no. It's a yes. It's, but no, but it's because
the way I was raised, I was raised to accept things that were unhealthy as healthy.
And so I think it's been God's protection. Cause there was like several guys that it was super
into at my churches back home. But even though, even though you, even though you were raised to
see healthy thing, unhealthy things as healthy, you did notice them before God said, this is not
for you. You did notice those things, regardless of whether you were trying to make them healthy
in your mind. No. Like there was one guy, his name was Jordan. God literally told me like before
I even met him, he was like, this guy is not for you. You're going to marry somebody similar to him.
Okay. So this is where it gets off into what I don't think is good. All right. So I'm going to
go ahead and coach you in this because all of you need to hear this. All right. First and foremost,
we need to meet people. If you're really scared that you're the kind of person who's going to
be anxiously attached to someone who's unhealthy and end up in an abusive relationship. That's what
this community is for is for you to come here. And if you're honest and transparent about your
experience with the person that you're talking to, we will check you before you wreck you.
And if you're teachable, then you'll be all right, because we're part of your God defense system.
That's what this is about. The coaches here, your peers here, that is what this is about. So you do
not have to be hyper-vigilant in your own safety and always feel like God is always telling you,
no, I know you guys hear from the Lord. I know some of you hear from the Lord prolifically,
but in this area of your life, along with a couple other areas, but this area specifically,
so many people keep themselves from growing by always feeling like God is telling them,
no, like an authoritarian parent. Okay. As a parent of three grown people, I will tell you,
there are plenty of times when I raised them, when they wanted to do something that I knew it wasn't
dangerous. Okay. But I knew that it wasn't the best use of their time, their energy, their talent.
It wasn't the best friend that they were choosing to hang with at the moment. Once again, not
dangerous situations, but also not expedient situations. And you know what, as a parent,
I let them find that out themselves. You know why? Because you got to do that. So if daddy,
God is always keeping us from making any mistakes or meeting anyone we shouldn't,
or being able to exercise our free will or grow in our understanding, wisdom, revelation, and grace,
then that is not God. That's religion. Okay. Okay. Keeping us immature, keeping us dependent.
And so Ruth, I'm just going to tell you from now on, if you hear God's voice telling, you know,
before you even get started it's important that you get a confirmation of that
outside of yourself and not by asking someone for a confirmation, just simply say, Hey God,
you know what, if this is really you and you don't even want me to even take one step foot on this
road, then I'm going to need a confirmation in that because I may be preventing myself from
maturing. Okay. I guess, I guess the confusion is I haven't necessarily put too much clout in it.
I've always like,
taking the time to get to know the person. And then later on, it's like, Oh, so I guess like
where I'm like, okay, do I need to like step back or what? So I guess that's where my confusion is,
but maybe I'm just doing the right thing and continue doing what I'm doing.
No, I mean, if you're continuing to go forward, even though you think God's telling, you know,
then, um, and seeing, you know, it play out as far as whether or not it's going to be something,
you know, that, that's going to go forward in your life or not, then that's good. Because once
again, there are, there are times when God keeps us from disaster, you guys with a firm, no, yes,
there are times when that happens. Just like me as a parent, there were times when I would say,
absolutely not no way, no shape, no form. But if all you ever hear God say in your life is no,
then something's a miss. Does that make sense to everybody?
And if it's always just, no, if God's just the no guy, then something is a miss. So yes, if Ruth,
if you're taking a step forward and checking it out and making sure that, you know, you are hearing
right and good, keep doing that. All right. Thank you for that question. Cause that brought up a
really important topic. You guys are going to do an entire series. We did a series on relationship
anxiety and attachment styles, but we're going to do an entire series on relationship and religious
OCD. Okay. People that have intrusive and obsessive thoughts that they think are from God
and that are usually surrounding relationship. And we're going to do that real soon. We're going
to do that at the beginning of October. So get ready for that. Okay. And it's going to come
right in time. Cause a lot of you will be already onboarded on spirit mate match. And you're just
going to need help because a lot of you are in your own way. And in God's way, you really are,
you are, you don't know that you are, but you are because you're trying to keep yourself safe
instead of allowing God to keep yourself safe. Okay. Meaning that you are talking to yourself
in obsessive thoughts and blaming them on God. And so we got to get to the root of that. It's
going to be really important, right? There are no hands up right now. Does that mean that all
of the love seats have been done? Because if so, we can do a few questions, Ruth, it's such a good
subject. It's so important. And I'm not saying that you have relationship or religious OCD guys.
I'm not saying Ruth has that, but I feel like her question, a lot of people that do have it,
that is a similar question that people would ask, except it would go a lot deeper than that.
Okay. And raise your hand. If you think that you have a problem with always thinking that
you're not allowed to do something or that something is not good, dangerous, God's trying
to keep you from, you know, getting killed or hurt, or it's always like, you know, something
bad is going to happen. God's telling me, no, I got to listen. If you're always thinking about
obedience, the word obedient, being obedient, obedient, obedient, like that's a big word in
your life. Raise your hand. If you have intrusive or obsessive thoughts about negative stuff,
negative stuff, not being enough, not doing the right thing, missing God's will for my life,
you know, choosing someone that God didn't choose for me, you know, marrying the wrong person,
not reading the signs, right. And ending up with someone that is unhealthy or abusive
because you didn't listen to God. That's okay. That is, that's a good number of hands.
All right. Yeah. Raise your hand. If you get in relationship with someone and then you start
kind of picking them apart because you don't think that they're spiritual enough and you don't think
that they're the one that God chose, you always get hung up on, is this the one? Is this the one?
I don't know if this is the one. What if this is not the one that God chose for me? What if,
what if they're not the one? Okay. All right. There's a lot, a lot of, a lot of hands. Okay,
cool. Thank y'all. Thank you for that honesty. I appreciate that.
All right. You guys, this is, these are common things that people deal with,
you know, and like Ruth, if you grew up in a family where you didn't really know what was
healthy, because the things that were happening that you were, you know, experiencing were being
called healthy when they weren't. Do you guys know that there's a lot of religious things that
we can, we call healthy because we grew up in religious circles that are not healthy at all.
Did you know that it's not healthy to put church before your family?
What? Stop it.
No, it's not healthy.
It's not healthy to put ministry before your family.
Why do you think pastor's kids,
why do you think there's a joke about pastor's kids,
that they baddies?
They baddies because they were orphaned by religion.
Their parents, they were orphaned by ministry.
They lost their parents to the work of God.
Why do you think so many pastor's kids grow up
and don't serve God?
Because they're mad at God
because God stole their parents from them.
Right?
Their parents were always doing something for someone else,
someone else's family, someone in need
because God told them to
because they were trying to help God.
Right?
So there's a lot of ideas that we get
from religious circles that are not healthy at all.
And they're not true and they're not biblical.
They're not scriptural.
They're not.
Okay?
And so that's just one that just off the top of my head
that comes to mind.
And so let's unpack this stuff.
You guys wanna unpack and slay all that sacred idol cows?
You guys wanna do that?
I will tell you that I like slaying those cows.
It has helped me immensely in my life
because I was discipled
by some of the most religious folks you've ever met.
And it really kept me from being prosperous in my mind.
It did.
It kept me from being able to really connect to God
in my spirit and in my heart.
And that's why the heart work exists.
If you guys ever wanted to know why the heart work exists,
that's why.
It exists not so you can get married,
although that's the fruit that it bears.
And God showed me that.
He's like, look, when people do it, they get married.
I'm like, oh, yay.
It's a side effect.
But the first and most important thing about it
is that it will help you get out of all of these ideologies
that are incorrect about religion, about you, about God,
about anywhere that you're stuck and not living abundantly.
Let's slay the cows, Melissa Joy.
You seem like a cow slayer to me.
I feel like you would be someone
that religious people would call a heretic.
And I mean that in the nicest way possible.
I don't even know where she is.
I just see her name right here.
I mean, that is the biggest compliment
that I could ever give you.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you.
Yes.
Do we have heretics?
All of you.
Okay.
Do we have any more questions, you guys?
We have two minutes.
Two minutes to closing time.
Okay.
I have a question.
Can I ask it quickly?
Yeah.
So I met a guy last week online
and we had a video chat
and had some text message back and forth.
So he kind of want to meet in person.
We're in the same city.
But his background is very different from me.
I'm the first generation immigrant
and he left his Amish community when he was 16.
So I'm like, yeah, at first I was not that interested
because I think we are too different.
But like, kind of like, what shall we talk about?
Like what focus on when we have lunch together?
Because I'm like, I can do coffee or do a simple meal
and then he's like, let me find a restaurant
and something like that.
Yeah.
I mean, just have fun.
You know, I mean, all different types of people
that we could click with come from backgrounds
that we wouldn't have expected.
Like, you know, I mean, I grew up in America.
So when you say the word Amish to me
and you tell me that he defected from the Amish,
I'm immediately like, okay, like I have a stereotype
in my mind of what that might look like
because the girl's home that I lived at
when I was a teenager,
because I lived in like a girl's home orphanage
kind of thing, the workers that worked there
on the grounds were all people that left the Amish.
And so immediately that says, you know, like to me,
like it conjures up like an idea,
but he could be completely different than that.
He could be great.
And this is why you guys, we don't want to be prejudiced.
We don't want to already think that we have an idea
of what people are like.
It doesn't matter if we don't come from the same backgrounds.
It doesn't matter if we don't come from the same places.
All that matters is if we want to go to the same place.
It doesn't matter if we haven't come from the same place.
Do we want to go to the same place?
So Abby, have fun, have fun.
You know, you guys, if you are an awkward person,
just in general, come armed to these dates with something.
There's a bunch of, there's a fun game
that's called, well, we're not really strangers.
And the phase one cards,
take a couple of those cards with you.
I know it sounds hokey and cheesy,
but nothing's worse than sitting there in silence
with nothing to talk about.
Okay.
There's another, a company,
it's called the Adventure Challenge.
You can.
actually get scratch-offs to take on your dates.
And then you're like, okay, hey,
do you want to do this or not?
And if they're in, then you scratch it off together
and then you literally have to do whatever it says.
It might say, go to the thrift store
and pick out an outfit for each other.
You got to do what it says.
And so if you're a boring person
who doesn't know how to play in fun things,
then get some help.
You guys, we all couldn't come out of the box
as Enneagram Sevens.
I've never lived a boring day in my life.
But you know what?
I know boring people.
I know people who just,
they just are not that creative in their ideas.
And you know what?
They're good at other things and I love them.
And when I need someone to organize something
or manage something or plan a schedule
or someone who makes sure that I don't get in trouble,
they're my go-to.
We can't all be the creative people
that come up with all the cool things.
And so make sure that if you're not a person like that,
that you get help.
You can get help.
Call your creative friend and say,
hey, I have a blind date.
What should we do?
Work together.
Rachel, I don't know that it's not a,
it's not, the name of the scratch off thing
is not like a name,
but it's the adventure challenge.
And it's for couples, dating couples and married couples.
I have their, I have their quickies.
You scratch it off and then whatever sexual stuff
it tells you and your husband to do,
then you're supposed to do it.
Someone gifted me this.
This is why I know about this company.
It's a Christian company, y'all.
Okay?
So this is Christian spice.
This is Christian spice in these cards that you,
that you scratch off.
This is me though, okay?
True story.
So I got this box of all these scratch offs
and it's called quickies on it, right?
And then, so I was like, okay, I can be adventurous.
Let me do this.
Cause it's a Christian company.
So it's not going to be anything that's like,
you know, inappropriate or immoral.
Okay.
And so I scratched the first one off and I'm like, eh.
And I just started scratching them all off
until I tried to find one I liked.
Was like, okay, this, you know,
oh, that, oh, that sounds too complicated.
Oh, I don't, I don't have any whipped cream,
you know, just like whatever.
I just started scratching them all off.
So when you're married, get y'all a box of that.
But until then they have it for dates too.
They have one for blind dates.
And so at our curated shuffle events that we'll be having
with our spirit mate match technology,
we will be having some of these little scratch offs
available for the people that will be meeting
for the first time.
So I think that that's fun.
The card game's called, we're not really strangers.
And it just has fun little questions and different things.
It's not Christian.
So make sure that you take the cards that you want.
Don't just bring the box and just pull out cards
because you might be with a card that you don't want.
But it's also not, it's not inappropriate either.
I haven't seen any inappropriate cards.
Ruth, I'm hilarious tonight.
I'm always hilarious, Ruth.
Come over, hang out with me.
You'll know.
I'm a cray cray.
Okay.
I had that book, but the BF boyfriend hated the idea
of crazy fun dates.
And the other hand, I loved it.
We are obviously not together.
See?
Now, if you love to have fun,
you cannot be with someone who never will allow you
to drag them into your shenanigans.
My husband, he is not a naturally fun person,
but he loves it when my fun personality comes out
because I'm all business a lot of times.
But then when I get fun, he's like, I like it.
I like it when you're like that.
So find someone who likes it when you're yourself
and that is going to be the person.
So you guys, can we pray real quick?
Can we pray over these two new things we have going on?
I really believe God told us at the beginning of the year
to throw out the net and pull in new people.
And I really believe that this affiliation program
is so, is part of that.
God told me that there was going to be so many people,
spouses that were going to come in in these nets.
And so I started running ads.
You guys, I started spending a bunch of money
trying to get new people in.
I started, you know,
trying to get the name out here through podcasts
and different things.
But this affiliation program, I think,
is one of the biggest nets that we're going to throw out
because good people know good people
and good people meet good people.
And I really think that it's going to cause this to explode.
In fact, I'm going to go ahead and say that I believe
that we are going to have so many of you
in marriage-minded courtships
even before this year is over with.
And so I'm so excited about this.
And so let's pray over it.
Okay.
Bethany, why don't you do that or Renee?
Why don't I just, I'll go, thanks, Father God, we just thank you for each and every
single woman on this call.
We thank you for Jackie and for Bethany.
I ask that you just bless her back abundantly.
I know that when we teach and we pour out, we pour out till we're empty.
And so Father God, I ask you first and foremost, fill Jackie back up, fill Bethany back up
because I know she's been teaching too.
Father God, each person that shared, let them feel the peace that surpasses all understanding
and let them not have any moments where they feel like they overshared or they're worried
about how they came off to the group that we all learned and we grew from their story.
So give them peace about that.
Father God, if any of us felt any healthy conviction about things that we need to adjust
in the way that we vet other people or present ourselves, may you do that in humility with
us and that we see where we might need to take a bit of a tweak or a turn and not beat
ourselves up about that.
Father God, but I also and finally pray for each and every single person on this call
for the love story that you are writing in all of the many ways that that love story
is going to manifest beyond our spirit match, but that we are going to bring about kingdom
results and kingdom stories and that we will be excited to share this testimony that will
fill back up that cup for Jackie and David just so that they are reminded that what they
are doing is for kingdom purposes.
And we lift all of this up in the precious name of Jesus as you protect and go forward
with all of these new growths and changes that we're doing in Jesus name.
Amen.
And of course, the guys too, there's guys on this call.
This is a coed call.
And so all the men as well.
We appreciate you.
We thank you guys.
If you did not hear that prayer call on Monday about the reparations and reconciliation of
men and women, please go listen to it.
It's in your replays Monday, this last Monday, Labor Day.
Go ahead and watch and listen to that.
Please watch your resource group on your pages, your resource tab on your, not your
pages on your app, your resource tab on your app.
And we will be putting spirit mate match on phase three, phase two and phase three and
men's group all getting the affiliate program link as well.
And we'll see you soon.
Bye everyone.