WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.260 40% of women who are in the church, 2 00:00:02.260 --> 00:00:03.880 and I mean attending church regularly, 3 00:00:03.880 --> 00:00:05.260 not just Christmas and Easter, 4 00:00:05.260 --> 00:00:07.240 when they find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy, 5 00:00:07.240 --> 00:00:08.680 they don't have the support they need 6 00:00:08.680 --> 00:00:10.080 from the church or the community. 7 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:12.760 And again, 40% of women who regularly attend church 8 00:00:12.760 --> 00:00:14.240 are choosing abortion. 9 00:00:20.860 --> 00:00:22.440 Welcome back to Empower You. 10 00:00:22.440 --> 00:00:24.560 I'm Diane with Save the Storks. 11 00:00:24.560 --> 00:00:26.600 I've been with Save the Storks for about six years now. 12 00:00:26.600 --> 00:00:27.720 I'm the CEO there. 13 00:00:27.720 --> 00:00:29.880 And one thing I love about Save the Storks 14 00:00:29.880 --> 00:00:32.560 is the awareness campaigns that we put out there 15 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:34.000 across the United States. 16 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:35.800 We definitely want women to learn 17 00:00:35.800 --> 00:00:39.120 about our mobile medical clinics and our free ultrasounds 18 00:00:39.120 --> 00:00:41.740 and our life-affirming programs and services. 19 00:00:41.740 --> 00:00:44.720 But what we also recognize in our space 20 00:00:44.720 --> 00:00:47.680 is that there's literally 3,000 women a day 21 00:00:47.680 --> 00:00:49.480 who are choosing abortion, 22 00:00:49.480 --> 00:00:51.800 and they're not choosing to keep their child. 23 00:00:51.800 --> 00:00:54.960 They're not choosing either to parent 24 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:56.720 or the path of adoption. 25 00:00:56.720 --> 00:00:59.840 And I wanted to just take the next 15 minutes 26 00:01:00.680 --> 00:01:02.320 or so to talk a little bit about adoption 27 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:04.760 from two adoptees' points of view. 28 00:01:04.760 --> 00:01:06.520 So I was adopted as a baby. 29 00:01:06.520 --> 00:01:07.920 My coworker here, Emily, 30 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:10.160 who serves as our marketing director at Save the Storks, 31 00:01:10.160 --> 00:01:11.320 was also adopted. 32 00:01:11.320 --> 00:01:13.200 But our journeys are very different. 33 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:17.480 Our generational differences are vast, right? 34 00:01:17.480 --> 00:01:20.080 The way adoption was treated back in the late 1960s 35 00:01:20.080 --> 00:01:22.920 versus when Emily was adopted in 1995. 36 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:25.040 We just wanted to share that and bring some awareness. 37 00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:27.440 And we hope it will encourage you. 38 00:01:27.440 --> 00:01:29.340 And if you have any comments, 39 00:01:29.860 --> 00:01:31.380 feel free to reach out to us 40 00:01:31.380 --> 00:01:34.580 and email us at info at SaveTheStorks.com, 41 00:01:34.580 --> 00:01:36.060 reach out to empower you. 42 00:01:36.060 --> 00:01:39.420 And we would love to just get you on that adoption journey. 43 00:01:39.420 --> 00:01:41.420 So first, I wanna start with you, Emily. 44 00:01:41.420 --> 00:01:42.700 Thank you for joining us again. 45 00:01:42.700 --> 00:01:43.540 Of course, thank you for having me. 46 00:01:43.540 --> 00:01:44.500 Yeah, this is so great. 47 00:01:44.500 --> 00:01:45.660 If you didn't see the last video, 48 00:01:45.660 --> 00:01:46.820 please go back and watch it. 49 00:01:46.820 --> 00:01:49.260 We went into depth about Emily's adoption story. 50 00:01:49.260 --> 00:01:51.440 So you are a millennial. 51 00:01:51.440 --> 00:01:52.280 Yes. 52 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:53.780 And you were adopted in 1995 53 00:01:53.780 --> 00:01:55.780 when you were adopted from China 54 00:01:55.780 --> 00:01:58.340 and brought to the United States to Chicago, 55 00:01:58.340 --> 00:01:59.820 the big city. 56 00:01:59.820 --> 00:02:04.260 Tell us a little bit about that experience being adopted. 57 00:02:04.260 --> 00:02:06.340 Of course, not when you were little, little, 58 00:02:06.340 --> 00:02:07.540 but when you started to recognize 59 00:02:07.540 --> 00:02:10.060 what it meant to be adopted and how you were treated 60 00:02:10.060 --> 00:02:11.780 and how your parents were treated 61 00:02:11.780 --> 00:02:13.900 and how you were welcomed in your community. 62 00:02:13.900 --> 00:02:15.780 I think what you hit on towards the end 63 00:02:15.780 --> 00:02:18.060 of just being welcomed into the community is huge 64 00:02:18.060 --> 00:02:20.080 because I never really remember a point 65 00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:22.580 where I was treated super, super differently. 66 00:02:22.580 --> 00:02:25.240 I mean, obviously there were tons of different questions 67 00:02:25.240 --> 00:02:26.840 that kids would ask, 68 00:02:26.840 --> 00:02:28.880 or I was even still getting questions 69 00:02:28.880 --> 00:02:30.280 in college about adoption. 70 00:02:30.280 --> 00:02:33.000 But I think, yeah, we were just welcomed into the community. 71 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:36.640 Our extended family was just so happy for my parents. 72 00:02:36.640 --> 00:02:39.040 Yeah, everyone was just so happy and welcoming. 73 00:02:39.040 --> 00:02:39.880 That is amazing. 74 00:02:39.880 --> 00:02:40.880 That's great. 75 00:02:40.880 --> 00:02:44.600 I know I'm Gen X and I was born in 1967 76 00:02:44.600 --> 00:02:47.320 and my adoption is what they call a closed adoption. 77 00:02:47.320 --> 00:02:49.200 And it's not as common anymore, 78 00:02:49.200 --> 00:02:52.080 but my birth mom, I'd learned this over the years, 79 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:53.240 my birth mom was married. 80 00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:57.600 She had four little boys and she had a one night stand 81 00:02:57.600 --> 00:03:01.360 and being pregnant by a man who wasn't your husband 82 00:03:01.360 --> 00:03:04.400 was not at all okay. 83 00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:07.280 So she actually, I found this out just a couple of years ago, 84 00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:09.000 she had a friend who was also pregnant 85 00:03:09.000 --> 00:03:11.100 and neither of the women wanted their babies. 86 00:03:11.100 --> 00:03:13.880 So they decided to go to Mexico and abort their babies. 87 00:03:13.880 --> 00:03:16.280 Where I was born in Orange County, California, 88 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:18.200 the border was just two hours South. 89 00:03:18.200 --> 00:03:20.480 So they got in their car, drove to Mexico 90 00:03:20.480 --> 00:03:23.000 and they both walked into that abortion clinic. 91 00:03:23.760 --> 00:03:26.280 But my birth mom's friend who went through with abortion, 92 00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:29.560 she no longer had a child, but my birth mom changed her mind 93 00:03:29.560 --> 00:03:31.440 and it had to have been the Holy Spirit, right? 94 00:03:31.440 --> 00:03:33.120 On that drive down there, she changed her mind, 95 00:03:33.120 --> 00:03:36.240 drove back to Santa Ana and found an adoption attorney. 96 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:38.040 And that's how I was adopted. 97 00:03:38.040 --> 00:03:41.040 Now it's interesting because I remember when I started 98 00:03:41.040 --> 00:03:44.200 going to church and Sunday school and then elementary school 99 00:03:44.200 --> 00:03:46.120 kids didn't talk about adoption. 100 00:03:46.120 --> 00:03:49.800 In fact, I was surprised because my adopted mom 101 00:03:49.800 --> 00:03:51.860 had always said, be proud of being adopted. 102 00:03:51.860 --> 00:03:54.180 We adopted you because you had the biggest smile 103 00:03:54.180 --> 00:03:55.020 on your face. 104 00:03:55.020 --> 00:03:56.660 Like she told me stories, you had a big smile 105 00:03:56.660 --> 00:03:58.700 and you were full of life and we couldn't wait 106 00:03:58.700 --> 00:04:01.220 to bring you home and raise you as our child. 107 00:04:01.220 --> 00:04:02.700 Well, when I started telling kids that, 108 00:04:02.700 --> 00:04:03.940 they made fun of me. 109 00:04:03.940 --> 00:04:06.040 They were like, you're adopted 110 00:04:06.040 --> 00:04:09.020 and your mom didn't want you. 111 00:04:09.020 --> 00:04:10.700 Like just really kind of mean things 112 00:04:10.700 --> 00:04:13.280 because back then we didn't talk about adoption. 113 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:15.660 Now, fortunately in my family, my mom and dad, 114 00:04:15.660 --> 00:04:17.779 they were Caucasian, I'm Caucasian, 115 00:04:17.779 --> 00:04:20.980 but my dad had white hair for as long as I can remember. 116 00:04:20.980 --> 00:04:23.620 And my mom was this beautiful brunette. 117 00:04:23.620 --> 00:04:25.420 So I looked enough like them where people 118 00:04:25.420 --> 00:04:27.500 didn't question it, but they were so proud 119 00:04:27.500 --> 00:04:29.540 that they adopted us that they told everybody. 120 00:04:29.540 --> 00:04:30.980 Oh, for sure, yeah. 121 00:04:30.980 --> 00:04:33.060 I remember one day a little boy, you know, 122 00:04:33.060 --> 00:04:35.800 made fun of me at school and said, you know, 123 00:04:35.800 --> 00:04:37.700 just teasing me about being adopted. 124 00:04:37.700 --> 00:04:39.820 And I went home and told my mom and she gave me 125 00:04:39.820 --> 00:04:41.980 some choice words to go back and tell him. 126 00:04:41.980 --> 00:04:43.780 And it probably wasn't very Christian like, 127 00:04:43.780 --> 00:04:45.300 but he understood. 128 00:04:45.300 --> 00:04:48.860 He understood that I was special and I was adopted 129 00:04:48.860 --> 00:04:51.540 and that I was just as important to my parents 130 00:04:51.540 --> 00:04:52.620 as he was to his parents. 131 00:04:52.620 --> 00:04:53.460 For sure. 132 00:04:53.460 --> 00:04:55.300 So it taught me how to be confident 133 00:04:55.300 --> 00:04:56.860 about being adopted when I was little. 134 00:04:56.860 --> 00:04:59.820 And what was interesting when I was in sixth grade. 135 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.840 or my adopted mom passed away when I was little. 136 00:05:02.840 --> 00:05:04.960 And so my dad decided to move to a different neighborhood 137 00:05:04.960 --> 00:05:06.200 where we could walk to the schools 138 00:05:06.200 --> 00:05:07.440 and have more of a community 139 00:05:07.440 --> 00:05:09.480 because then we wouldn't have to take the bus. 140 00:05:09.480 --> 00:05:10.640 And where he moved, 141 00:05:10.640 --> 00:05:13.480 I had five adopted friends just in that neighborhood. 142 00:05:13.480 --> 00:05:14.320 That's amazing. 143 00:05:14.320 --> 00:05:15.480 Yeah, I mean, it was just like, 144 00:05:15.480 --> 00:05:16.520 if you weren't adopted, 145 00:05:16.520 --> 00:05:18.160 you weren't normal in my neighborhood, right? 146 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:21.600 So finally, like I had this community of people who like, 147 00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:24.040 we were kind of the cool kids because we were adopted 148 00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:27.080 and people did ask us questions a lot and we all bonded. 149 00:05:27.080 --> 00:05:30.080 It was pretty remarkable how God put that together. 150 00:05:30.080 --> 00:05:32.600 But again, I didn't know anything about my birth mom. 151 00:05:32.600 --> 00:05:34.400 And so I had to have records unsealed, 152 00:05:34.400 --> 00:05:36.760 but we can go into that a little bit. 153 00:05:36.760 --> 00:05:37.600 So tell us, 154 00:05:37.600 --> 00:05:38.800 I know you shared in the last video 155 00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:40.520 about your adoption story, 156 00:05:40.520 --> 00:05:43.560 how your birth mom placed you on the steps of a factory. 157 00:05:43.560 --> 00:05:44.400 Yes. 158 00:05:44.400 --> 00:05:45.240 Yeah, how did that make you feel 159 00:05:45.240 --> 00:05:46.680 when you did learn that news? 160 00:05:46.680 --> 00:05:48.040 Like, I don't know how old you were 161 00:05:48.040 --> 00:05:49.320 when your parents told you that. 162 00:05:49.320 --> 00:05:51.760 I don't fully remember how old I was. 163 00:05:51.760 --> 00:05:53.440 All my life, I've never really struggled 164 00:05:53.440 --> 00:05:54.600 with being adopted. 165 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.680 Like you said, I knew I was wanted by my parents. 166 00:05:57.320 --> 00:06:01.560 I knew that my parents loved me and my family loved me. 167 00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:03.560 When I was a senior in college, 168 00:06:03.560 --> 00:06:05.360 I went on a mission strip to Peru 169 00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:07.320 and we worked with children at an orphanage. 170 00:06:07.320 --> 00:06:09.360 And I think that's when it like sunk in 171 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:11.920 that these children in the orphanage 172 00:06:11.920 --> 00:06:13.560 were not wanted by their parents 173 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:16.280 because of either disabilities 174 00:06:16.280 --> 00:06:18.920 or their parents couldn't afford them or what have you. 175 00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:22.240 And I remember having a moment on that trip of like, 176 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:23.720 cause I think in my mind, 177 00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:27.000 I always thought my birth mom had to give me up 178 00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:29.200 because of the one child policy. 179 00:06:29.200 --> 00:06:30.720 And so I always thought, oh, she wanted me 180 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:32.120 but she couldn't keep me type thing. 181 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:33.200 And it hit me like, 182 00:06:33.200 --> 00:06:36.200 she might just never have wanted me at all. 183 00:06:36.200 --> 00:06:38.200 And I remember thinking that and thinking like, 184 00:06:38.200 --> 00:06:41.120 oh my goodness, I never had that thought before. 185 00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:43.160 I always thought I was wanted by everybody. 186 00:06:43.160 --> 00:06:44.520 And then I was like, oh, 187 00:06:44.520 --> 00:06:47.320 but she just might not have ever wanted me. 188 00:06:47.320 --> 00:06:51.840 But I was able to overcome that with just realizing, 189 00:06:51.840 --> 00:06:53.000 you know what, it doesn't matter 190 00:06:53.000 --> 00:06:57.000 because Christ wants me and my identity is in Christ. 191 00:06:57.000 --> 00:06:58.600 And that's really all that matters. 192 00:06:58.600 --> 00:07:00.760 And my family wants me and they love me. 193 00:07:00.760 --> 00:07:02.880 And so I didn't dwell on that too long. 194 00:07:02.880 --> 00:07:04.920 Yeah, so that's kind of what I know about my birth mom 195 00:07:04.920 --> 00:07:07.560 is basically nothing other than yeah, 196 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:11.240 that she put me on the steps when I was a baby 197 00:07:11.240 --> 00:07:13.000 and then I was adopted at five months. 198 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:15.320 But yeah, how did you learn about your birth mom? 199 00:07:15.320 --> 00:07:18.760 Yes, so again, I was always told that I was adopted 200 00:07:18.760 --> 00:07:20.600 and I didn't know the whole story 201 00:07:20.640 --> 00:07:23.040 until when I was in my 20s, I had this curiosity 202 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:23.880 and I think it might've been 203 00:07:23.880 --> 00:07:25.560 because my adopted mom died when I was little. 204 00:07:25.560 --> 00:07:27.680 So I didn't have that mother nurturing 205 00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:30.040 that I think I probably really missed out on. 206 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:31.160 So I asked my dad, I said, 207 00:07:31.160 --> 00:07:33.280 hey, could we get my birth records unsealed? 208 00:07:33.280 --> 00:07:34.440 Again, because it was closed. 209 00:07:34.440 --> 00:07:35.760 And so we went to the courthouse, 210 00:07:35.760 --> 00:07:37.040 we filled out all the paperwork 211 00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:39.040 and it was kind of a miracle 212 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:40.120 because back in the old days, 213 00:07:40.120 --> 00:07:42.960 I had the microfiche film and the lady said, 214 00:07:42.960 --> 00:07:44.920 oh, this could take months to find at the courthouse. 215 00:07:44.920 --> 00:07:48.720 I said, totally okay, here's my number, my landline number. 216 00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:50.520 And I'm not kidding, I was at work that day. 217 00:07:51.320 --> 00:07:53.200 I went back to work after lunch and I got a phone call 218 00:07:53.200 --> 00:07:55.240 and she said, we found the microfiche, 219 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:56.480 we have all the information. 220 00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:58.200 And she said, we've never found it that fast. 221 00:07:58.200 --> 00:07:59.520 I was like, oh my goodness, right? 222 00:07:59.520 --> 00:08:01.240 So right there, I was already prepared, 223 00:08:01.240 --> 00:08:02.680 it could take forever. 224 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:04.840 They might not even find the microfiche, right? 225 00:08:04.840 --> 00:08:06.880 So she said, we can't give you her information, 226 00:08:06.880 --> 00:08:08.840 but what you can do is write a letter to her 227 00:08:08.840 --> 00:08:10.720 and then drop it off here, 228 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:12.880 or I think I mailed it to the social security office 229 00:08:12.880 --> 00:08:14.360 or some government entity. 230 00:08:14.360 --> 00:08:16.200 And then they would, if they could find her, 231 00:08:16.200 --> 00:08:17.040 they'd forward it. 232 00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:19.160 Well, it was about three weeks later 233 00:08:19.160 --> 00:08:20.120 after I mailed the letter, 234 00:08:20.120 --> 00:08:22.000 it was 10 o'clock at night and my phone rang. 235 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:24.240 And she said, is this Diane? 236 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:25.080 I said, yes. 237 00:08:25.080 --> 00:08:27.880 She goes, this is Edie, I'm your birth mom. 238 00:08:27.880 --> 00:08:30.600 And I was bawling, like I didn't expect it. 239 00:08:30.600 --> 00:08:31.960 I think it was a Thursday night, 240 00:08:31.960 --> 00:08:34.440 10 o'clock at night when you're getting ready for bed. 241 00:08:34.440 --> 00:08:37.280 And we had a good cry and I learned a little bit, 242 00:08:37.280 --> 00:08:39.320 but in my letter I wrote to her, I said, 243 00:08:39.320 --> 00:08:41.000 first I want you to know I'm okay, 244 00:08:41.000 --> 00:08:42.760 I was adopted by a great family. 245 00:08:42.760 --> 00:08:46.920 And I told her that it was a gift that I was adopted. 246 00:08:46.920 --> 00:08:48.600 So I think that gave her a piece. 247 00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:51.840 But I asked her, I said, did you remember my birthdays? 248 00:08:51.840 --> 00:08:53.040 Because that was a thing growing up. 249 00:08:53.040 --> 00:08:55.120 I always wondered if she remembered me 250 00:08:55.120 --> 00:08:58.320 because I sort of always felt like I was forgotten. 251 00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:00.720 I don't know, that was just a feeling I had. 252 00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:04.040 And she said, every day I thought about you. 253 00:09:04.040 --> 00:09:07.440 So I would encourage you, your birth mom, 254 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:09.640 I'm confident she thinks about you every day, 255 00:09:09.640 --> 00:09:10.800 even though she couldn't raise you 256 00:09:10.800 --> 00:09:13.640 because I had that reassurance from my birth mom. 257 00:09:13.640 --> 00:09:15.080 So that was really beautiful. 258 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:17.320 I found out I had six half brothers. 259 00:09:17.320 --> 00:09:18.640 I knew I had the four older brothers 260 00:09:18.640 --> 00:09:21.120 and she had two other boys after me. 261 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:23.680 So my joke was, you just didn't want a girl, right? 262 00:09:23.680 --> 00:09:26.600 So here I was the only girl and I was the one. 263 00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:29.200 But what she told me was when I was born, 264 00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:30.760 the hospital she was in, I guess they didn't want 265 00:09:30.760 --> 00:09:34.160 the mothers to bond with the babies that were being adopted. 266 00:09:34.160 --> 00:09:37.240 So they blindfolded her and they didn't talk about the gender. 267 00:09:37.240 --> 00:09:38.920 So it wasn't until she received the letter 268 00:09:38.920 --> 00:09:40.160 that she knew I was a girl. 269 00:09:40.160 --> 00:09:42.060 So I was 26 years old. 270 00:09:42.060 --> 00:09:44.280 So I flew up, she was living in Oregon at the time. 271 00:09:44.280 --> 00:09:46.680 So I flew up to meet her about a month later. 272 00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:48.400 And at the airport, she had a balloon that said, 273 00:09:48.400 --> 00:09:51.160 it's a girl and everybody was crying. 274 00:09:51.160 --> 00:09:53.200 Yeah, it was just a beautiful, yeah. 275 00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:56.280 And my half brothers joke, they're all jokesters. 276 00:09:56.280 --> 00:09:58.280 They're extroverts where I'm definitely an introvert, 277 00:09:58.280 --> 00:10:00.120 but they said, you should have waited. 278 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.840 Had Oprah, you know, cover the story, we could have all got a free trip to Chicago. 279 00:10:04.220 --> 00:10:06.100 Um, well, cause Oprah was really big back then. 280 00:10:06.100 --> 00:10:08.880 I go, I didn't think about that, you know, but yeah, we probably would 281 00:10:08.880 --> 00:10:10.140 have made a great Oprah story. 282 00:10:10.580 --> 00:10:11.760 So, yeah, so it was great. 283 00:10:11.760 --> 00:10:15.180 It's definitely been a celebration for all of us and my half brothers. 284 00:10:15.180 --> 00:10:18.280 It's interesting to hear about the younger ones, especially they didn't 285 00:10:18.280 --> 00:10:19.820 even know that she was pregnant. 286 00:10:20.220 --> 00:10:24.040 And then the older ones said that they remember taking it or the hospital, but 287 00:10:24.040 --> 00:10:25.980 then she didn't come back with a baby. 288 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:27.940 And so they all assumed I died. 289 00:10:28.060 --> 00:10:30.460 And I thought, well, that's kind of a interesting perspective. 290 00:10:30.460 --> 00:10:32.700 So they were living with this grief, right? 291 00:10:32.700 --> 00:10:34.180 They never talked about it back then. 292 00:10:34.180 --> 00:10:37.280 So it was a, it was a real surprise when they found out about me. 293 00:10:37.420 --> 00:10:37.940 Yes. 294 00:10:37.980 --> 00:10:38.140 Yeah. 295 00:10:38.140 --> 00:10:41.660 So you mentioned that your dad helped you kind of find your birth mom. 296 00:10:42.020 --> 00:10:48.020 What were just those dynamics with having your dad and then your birth mom 297 00:10:48.020 --> 00:10:50.580 and your mom had passed away? 298 00:10:50.780 --> 00:10:52.420 Just what did all of that look like? 299 00:10:52.460 --> 00:10:54.140 Yeah, that, that's a great question. 300 00:10:54.140 --> 00:10:56.940 You know, to think about his point of view, I think because I didn't have that 301 00:10:56.940 --> 00:10:59.580 birth mom and I was kind of your typical emotional teenager. 302 00:10:59.580 --> 00:11:02.780 My dad almost didn't know what to do with me sometimes, you know, dad, this 303 00:11:02.780 --> 00:11:07.260 dad, that crying boys don't call you back, whatever, you know, turn down at 304 00:11:07.260 --> 00:11:08.060 dances and things. 305 00:11:08.580 --> 00:11:11.660 Um, but my dad actually was such a great man. 306 00:11:11.660 --> 00:11:14.900 He passed away a couple of years ago, but he was so encouraging when I said, 307 00:11:14.900 --> 00:11:16.300 Hey, I'd like to find my birth mom. 308 00:11:16.300 --> 00:11:17.460 He said, okay, what do we do? 309 00:11:17.500 --> 00:11:21.300 And it was weird because even though I was 26, he had to actually sign the 310 00:11:21.340 --> 00:11:25.660 papers authorizing, it was okay to go into the birth records, which is strange, 311 00:11:25.660 --> 00:11:29.060 but that's the way it was back then because I didn't have any medical 312 00:11:29.060 --> 00:11:29.740 conditions. 313 00:11:29.900 --> 00:11:34.700 When I first heard from my birth mom, I let my dad know and I said, Hey, I have 314 00:11:34.700 --> 00:11:36.820 two half brothers who live about an hour away. 315 00:11:36.820 --> 00:11:37.900 They want to come meet me. 316 00:11:37.940 --> 00:11:39.540 My dad said, I want to come over. 317 00:11:39.820 --> 00:11:42.780 He brought a bottle of champagne to celebrate and he welcomed them to the 318 00:11:42.780 --> 00:11:43.340 family. 319 00:11:43.420 --> 00:11:48.620 It was so beautiful and it was funny because the older half brothers too are 320 00:11:48.620 --> 00:11:51.220 big jokesters and my adopted dad is a big jokester. 321 00:11:51.220 --> 00:11:52.540 So they all really got along. 322 00:11:52.580 --> 00:11:54.660 We had Thanksgiving dinner the next year. 323 00:11:54.660 --> 00:11:57.380 I remember my younger half brothers were still like teenagers then. 324 00:11:57.380 --> 00:11:59.580 So I would take them to events sometimes. 325 00:11:59.580 --> 00:12:02.700 I remember we all went to the Newport beach boat parade because I got free 326 00:12:02.700 --> 00:12:04.340 tickets from a radio station. 327 00:12:04.340 --> 00:12:07.620 So I brought my dad and my birth family. 328 00:12:07.620 --> 00:12:09.780 Like it was, so we were just kind of one big family. 329 00:12:09.780 --> 00:12:10.540 It was fun. 330 00:12:11.060 --> 00:12:11.580 Yeah. 331 00:12:11.580 --> 00:12:14.660 And it's interesting because my adopted mom was an artist. 332 00:12:14.660 --> 00:12:15.860 She was a beautiful painter. 333 00:12:15.860 --> 00:12:18.860 And when I met my birth mom, she's an artist, right? 334 00:12:18.860 --> 00:12:22.820 I have no artistic talent at all, but these two women in my life who were 335 00:12:22.820 --> 00:12:27.980 responsible for me being here and helping to raise me, um, yeah, they're 336 00:12:27.980 --> 00:12:28.660 both artists. 337 00:12:28.660 --> 00:12:29.420 And I thought, wow. 338 00:12:29.420 --> 00:12:33.500 And God's the ultimate artist and just how he, he put this beautiful plan 339 00:12:33.500 --> 00:12:35.340 together that no one could have thought of. 340 00:12:35.740 --> 00:12:40.500 And that even he gave me this dad who was just so open and welcoming and loving 341 00:12:40.500 --> 00:12:43.020 and a little bit of a sad part of this. 342 00:12:43.020 --> 00:12:49.980 But when I was 44, my husband, um, he had an AVM rupture, so he, um, passed 343 00:12:49.980 --> 00:12:54.540 away and he was on life support for about a, about a week and it was Thanksgiving 344 00:12:54.540 --> 00:12:54.860 week. 345 00:12:54.860 --> 00:12:57.740 And my dad was in his eighties at that age at that time. 346 00:12:57.740 --> 00:13:00.180 And he wanted to come up and spend time with me in the hospital because I was 347 00:13:00.180 --> 00:13:01.420 just there 24 seven. 348 00:13:01.460 --> 00:13:05.860 And my oldest half brother who lived about an hour and a half away, but in 349 00:13:05.860 --> 00:13:08.980 rush hour traffic in Southern California, it was more like three and a half hours. 350 00:13:09.460 --> 00:13:12.580 He said, I'm going to pick up your dad and take him to the hospital all the way 351 00:13:12.580 --> 00:13:13.380 in Los Angeles. 352 00:13:13.380 --> 00:13:14.780 So that brings tears to my eyes. 353 00:13:14.780 --> 00:13:18.740 So like just the bond that everyone had, you know, it didn't matter that we weren't 354 00:13:18.740 --> 00:13:19.500 blood related. 355 00:13:19.540 --> 00:13:24.460 Like my half brother took care of my adopted dad, right. 356 00:13:24.540 --> 00:13:26.820 Um, that, that time of great need for me. 357 00:13:26.820 --> 00:13:29.300 So they came together to, to be there for me. 358 00:13:29.300 --> 00:13:34.660 So it was, so yeah, the being adopted is such a blessing because I feel like we do 359 00:13:34.660 --> 00:13:36.180 have two families, right? 360 00:13:36.740 --> 00:13:39.420 And it's a beautiful picture of God's love for us, how he adopts us. 361 00:13:39.420 --> 00:13:45.100 So again, like family can come to you in so many different ways, shapes and forms 362 00:13:45.100 --> 00:13:46.660 and God knows exactly what we need. 363 00:13:46.940 --> 00:13:51.860 That's why I think now I love that adoptions are open because it's good for, I 364 00:13:51.860 --> 00:13:52.820 think everyone. 365 00:13:52.900 --> 00:13:55.620 And most of all, I think it's the right thing for the birth mom. 366 00:13:55.860 --> 00:13:56.180 Yes. 367 00:13:56.180 --> 00:13:58.420 So the birth mom doesn't ever have to wonder, right? 368 00:13:58.420 --> 00:14:01.900 Like your birth mom, I'm sure thinks about you every day and I'm sure she wonders 369 00:14:01.900 --> 00:14:02.620 how you are. 370 00:14:03.180 --> 00:14:08.500 And with an open adoption, the birth mom has access to that family and you know, the 371 00:14:08.500 --> 00:14:12.100 birth mom and the adopting family, they can decide what's best for the child. 372 00:14:12.100 --> 00:14:15.460 But as soon as the child gets older, then they can make decisions and decide on what 373 00:14:15.460 --> 00:14:16.860 type of relationship they want. 374 00:14:17.220 --> 00:14:20.220 So I feel like that's a lot healthier for everyone involved. 375 00:14:20.460 --> 00:14:20.980 I think so. 376 00:14:20.980 --> 00:14:24.940 Because then I feel like the birth mom, like you said, is able to still have that 377 00:14:24.940 --> 00:14:29.420 relationship and hopefully it'll help with her mental health too, a little bit. 378 00:14:29.420 --> 00:14:33.820 And then, like you said, the birth mom and then the parents can figure out what's 379 00:14:33.820 --> 00:14:36.380 best for the child, both their families. 380 00:14:36.620 --> 00:14:36.900 Right. 381 00:14:36.900 --> 00:14:41.780 We are at Save the Storks, we've been working with a young mom who was 382 00:14:41.820 --> 00:14:43.020 contemplating abortion. 383 00:14:43.020 --> 00:14:48.380 And with the assistance of our amazing COO, she ended up choosing life for her baby. 384 00:14:48.380 --> 00:14:51.460 But it wasn't until a few months later that she realized she wasn't ready to be a 385 00:14:51.460 --> 00:14:53.580 parent and she chose adoption. 386 00:14:53.660 --> 00:14:57.380 So our team helped her get connected with a great adoption agency. 387 00:14:57.380 --> 00:15:00.100 And there was a couple in Los Angeles, I think, who adopted. 388 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.480 at her baby, and they get together at least twice a year now, but for the birthdays they 389 00:15:04.480 --> 00:15:10.320 celebrate, they celebrate the little girl's birthdays, they send the mom gifts, they just 390 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:13.360 are in her life in so many beautiful ways. 391 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:20.440 So I am all for open adoptions, and I think what we should do is have another discussion 392 00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:24.440 about birth moms, and like you said, their mental health, their emotional health. 393 00:15:24.440 --> 00:15:28.360 Something that the audience might not realize is about 40% of women who are in the church, 394 00:15:28.360 --> 00:15:31.960 and I mean attending church regularly, not just Christmas and Easter, when they find 395 00:15:31.960 --> 00:15:35.120 themselves in an unplanned pregnancy, they don't have the support they need from the 396 00:15:35.120 --> 00:15:36.120 church or the community. 397 00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:40.600 And again, 40% of women who regularly attend church are choosing abortion. 398 00:15:40.600 --> 00:15:44.400 This is tragic because again, I mentioned earlier that there's 2 million couples estimated 399 00:15:44.400 --> 00:15:50.920 waiting to adopt in this country, and it's hard to adopt a baby in our country. 400 00:15:50.920 --> 00:15:51.920 It really is. 401 00:15:51.920 --> 00:15:56.600 I was in that situation myself several years ago where we adopted out of the foster care 402 00:15:56.600 --> 00:15:59.680 system, and there's a definite need there. 403 00:15:59.680 --> 00:16:04.560 There's so many older youth and special needs youth, at-risk kids who need homes, forever 404 00:16:04.560 --> 00:16:05.560 homes. 405 00:16:05.560 --> 00:16:09.640 But there are really not a lot of babies in our country because they are aborted. 406 00:16:09.640 --> 00:16:11.800 Again, 3,000 a day. 407 00:16:11.800 --> 00:16:15.760 So I think what we should do is talk a little bit about moms and their mental health, their 408 00:16:15.760 --> 00:16:19.440 spiritual health, how the church can come alongside women who find themselves in an 409 00:16:19.440 --> 00:16:20.840 unplanned pregnancy. 410 00:16:20.840 --> 00:16:23.480 I don't know in college still, do you have to read the scarlet letter? 411 00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:24.480 I think I read that in high school. 412 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:25.480 Yeah, high school, yes. 413 00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:31.160 But I feel like we're not physically putting the letter A on a woman, but we are telling 414 00:16:31.160 --> 00:16:37.060 women like, if you get pregnant, we are going to basically ignore you for nine months. 415 00:16:37.060 --> 00:16:40.540 And you should be ashamed and embarrassed, and you cannot be part of this church. 416 00:16:40.540 --> 00:16:44.080 They might not actually be saying those words, but that's how they're making women feel. 417 00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:47.840 So we're basically giving her that scarlet A to put on her shirt. 418 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:50.120 And we have to do a better job as a church. 419 00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:54.960 And I just hope and pray that you will watch our next episode here so you can learn more 420 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:59.320 about how your church can come alongside that woman who is facing an unplanned pregnancy. 421 00:16:59.320 --> 00:17:03.240 And again, if she's not ready to parent, let's give her all the tools she needs so she can 422 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:04.560 choose adoption. 423 00:17:04.560 --> 00:17:08.619 Thank you so much for just joining us today and letting us share our adoption stories. 424 00:17:08.619 --> 00:17:09.619 We're grateful for you. 425 00:17:09.619 --> 00:17:10.119 God bless you.