All right, welcome ladies. Good afternoon. Welcome. It's Tuesday, September 10th. You're
here for Phase 2, our live check-in here at 1 o'clock Eastern Standard Time. If you are
new to Phase 2 and this is your first live, go ahead and raise your avatar hand or just
raise your hand if you're on camera. If you're not on camera and you can access your camera,
please do so. All right, we want to come out of hiding. Do I have any newbies yet? Oh,
there we go. Tiara is new. Welcome, welcome, welcome. So this is going to be recorded,
so I'm also just going to do this. I know Tiara is here, but for anybody watching in
replay that's new, just to introduce myself, I am Carla Johnson. I am one of your Phase
2 coaches here and last year's single. I'm also a success story. I have been with Jackie
now. It'll be four years at the end of this month. So I came in through a Facebook ad.
I found Jackie and went through this program, just like many of you, and I just celebrated
my one-year wedding anniversary last week. So if you were on here last week, I was coming
to you live from Napa on our one-year anniversary trip. So I am excited to be here with you
all today back in the comfort of my own home. It was beautiful there, but it is always nice
to get back home and get back into routine. So yes, I'm a success story. All the things
that we teach and coach you here, I've experienced it myself. So just know I'm not asking you
to do something that I probably didn't already do. And if you've done things that you're
like, oh, I messed up, guess what? I probably messed up too. So you're not alone. We're
in this together. And I actually met my husband through one of the ladies here in this community
that I formed a relationship, a friendship with. He happened just to see his profile
in a dating group, and she reached out to him for me. And funny story is that there
were a lot of women in this community that were keeping an eye out for me. There was
even some women in this community that had already reached out to Jackie about my husband,
wanting to get him connected into this program. And thankfully, she didn't get a hold of him
before I met him because who knows who snatched him up? Because she often tells me she might
not have matched me with him because he was in Texas and I was in Florida and I was very
stubborn about moving. And it was actually one of those non-negotiables that I thought
was a non-negotiable that really wasn't a non-negotiable. And luckily, I released the pen.
And as soon as I did that and was like, all right, God, you take the wheel, he dropped
into my DMs a week later. So we can talk about non-negotiables here a little bit later.
But I do want to go ahead and get us started. So welcome to those of you that are new.
I'm just going to kind of go over a little bit some of our housekeeping items. I know
many of you have probably already heard all of this, but we have new members constantly
flowing in each week and people that are new watching this in replay. So just a reminder,
we have five videos that we ask you only to watch one a week. All right. So today we are
going to cover that Divine Feminine, which is actually one of my most favorite videos,
my favorite teaching to do. So and I can tell you why here in a little bit.
And so most of those are about an hour long. So make sure that you're taking notes
and be considering how you're going to apply that content into your current situation
and then share your takeaways with us from that video in the app. I also want to emphasize
to many of you ladies not to sweat that seven date challenge every week. I see a lot of people
freaking out seven dates. I totally get it. I was right there with you. But it really is just
to get you started and get you open to the idea of dating. But take it at your own pace.
You know, we do try to encourage you to try to do it within a three month time period. So you're
not kind of sitting yourself in the waiting room the whole time. But I can't stress enough,
don't play the comparison game. You all are going to be on different journeys.
You all have your own stuff that God wants to work in you and through you.
So that dating challenge will work the same way and people like to go and head first and do deep dive and get those dates going.
Some of you were like me, I don't want to just put a toe in and test it out first and see if you like it.
So, by all means, at your own pace, don't don't make it more stressful than it needs to be.
All right, we definitely want you posting in phase two. It can be about all things.
It can be about Harvard stuff that you're experiencing. It can be about your dating situation.
What you're learning on those videos and how you're applying those things that you're learning.
Any breakthroughs that you're having, celebrations, questions, any of that.
I can't stress enough. Please, please, please be mindful when you're clicking that you're clicking the correct tab in the app.
Especially when you are wanting the ask a coach tab. That's super, super important.
The ask the coach tab really helps us make sure that we get to those questions as quickly as possible for you.
And then when you're creating posts, we do ask or maybe even if you're commenting on other people's posts,
we do ask that you don't create or comment with any links promoting any authors, speakers, influence, pastors, websites, anything like that.
We simply can't take the time to vet all of those probably really cool resources.
We just don't have the time to vet them out and make sure that they're aligning to what we teach here in last year's single.
Also, keep in mind, I do know some of you have been toying with the video and posting your videos in our app.
If you do so, please try to keep it under three minutes.
If you're like me, I'm an external processor, so I totally understand the whole being able to do it on a video.
But again, three minutes or less. The best way to do this is kind of jot down some bullet points and some notes.
So that you kind of know what you're talking points are to kind of help you keep in that three minute range.
OK, we definitely want you staying engaged and connecting with one another.
So again, you can do this on post and here in the live session.
All right. We ask that you just do not. We do not respond to any post in the ask a coach tab.
So just be mindful of that. But any anywhere else is good.
Just make sure that you're being encouraging and you're positive.
Refrain from giving advice and coaching. It's really important that you also refrain from any sort of negativity just because something's not working out for you.
Let's not bring that to some of your sisters here in the community.
It's OK to have moments of negativity. It's OK to have moments of frustration.
And that's when you can come here and share it with us and we can help you through that process.
OK, because I assure you, I was in this program for over two years before I found my husband or my husband found me.
And there were moments of frustration. There was moments of annoyance, stress, irritation.
You know, that's what those revealings for healings are. So we know that you're going to experience it.
So just come and share it with us. Let's not put it on other ladies post.
OK, cool. Everybody with me. We're good. I'm trying it. I'm trying to move through this.
I got a couple of minutes left to get through housekeeping stuff. All right.
Again, please make sure that you come to as many of these live check ins as possible.
This this session, like you're typically you're only going to be in here for four to five weeks in phase two.
And it's such a short season, but it's really designed for you all to get extra support as you're stepping out into dating and coming from phase one hard work into the bigger community of phase three.
So the best way to utilize this time in phase two is to get to these live sessions.
OK, I assure you, you get what you put into this program. All right.
Make it a priority. Invest in yourself. It is worth it. You will glean so much wonderful fruit and harvest from this.
So please, please, please utilize that. And lastly, navigating the app on your phone and on your desktop, make sure that you're checking that resource and the training tabs.
There's lots of great information in there. So before you might ask a question, go there first, because we may have content in there for you that will help answer your question.
So I know that we have some great resources coming out. Jackie shared about the affiliate program.
So that's under the resource tab where you can learn more information about that.
Renee's also done a really great five minute video on how to navigate the app.
So there's like a it's called tech.
training. So it's literally it's five minutes and it helps kind of get some of the kinks out
of navigating the app. We just ask that you do not send any emails about any of this stuff that's
resources wise, okay? So we really want to try to limit some of the emails that are coming through.
There's a lot of you and a few of us, so it's really helpful if you kind of go be resourceful
on your own and see what you can do to navigate that. And then of course, if you have questions,
by all means, come and share it and ask us. And us coaches are always more than willing
to answer your questions. Cool? All right. I was just a little over. So let's go ahead and move
into our teaching this week. I'm really trying to be diligent because like I said, I have a habit
of kind of over-talking. So I'm trying to be really respectful of y'all's time and my time
as well. It's like I said, I could sit here and talk for six hours, but that would not be useful
for me. All right. So let's get into the teaching for this week. We're going to talk about the
Divine Feminine. Again, it's one of my favorite videos. And the reason it's one of my favorite
videos is because Jackie does such an amazing job giving us a perspective of not looking at
the feminine and the masculine from the eyes of the curse. It's so, so easy to do that.
And she really puts things in perspective in that video about looking at the masculine and the
feminine with God's creation in the garden. And that's why it's so beautiful, that story
of the creation story. Oh, it's one of my favorites and I really love learning a lot about
it. And it's probably why it's one of my favorites. And I just find it so useful because if you're
like me, I'm always constantly wanting to reflect on, am I acting in my divine self the way that
God created me? All right. It's really easy for us to sometimes, you know, just be in the world
and react and respond out of past hurts and traumas. And so it's really easy to kind of fall
into the enemy's trap of him wanting to like, you know, direct us and, you know, put some
diversion there with us really stepping into who God's called us to be. So I always love listening
to it because it always helps me remember who I am and who's I am. So we're going to go over a
little bit about the divine feminine and what those characteristics and traits are. I'm just
going to briefly touch on those. Also like how Jackie even touches a little bit on what the dark
feminine, that unhealthy feminine can look like when we're looking at the feminine in a cursed
perspective, right. After the curse, like how it can, how it's, how we can operate after the fall.
Right. So we can touch a little bit about that as well. So one thing that God, that God teaches
us about the divine feminine is that it, the divine feminine is a nurturer. So seeing the
potential in something or someone and planting it in a place where it can be fed and nourished
and truly flourish. That's what, what the feminine can do. And so it's not about caretaking,
you know, we caretake children, people that are in crisis, maybe elderly people,
people that might not be able to take care of themselves in a certain season.
And so we might need to do things for them. That's caretaking. Nurturing is completely
different. It's being able to encourage people to do it for themselves. Okay. So men don't need
mothers. All right. A lot of times, like if you're a caregiver, like, you know, many of us here might
be moms or you might want to be a mom and you know, that will come in that season. It's not
going to come in a season when you're dating and you're married. All right. I assure you,
men are not attracted. Healthy men are not attracted to their mothers. All right. So it
really is about tapping into the nurturing side, not so much the caregiving side. All right.
Another trait of the divine feminine is counselor. All right. That's where you're just giving,
you know, we have this Nate giving wise counsel, but it doesn't mean being a therapist.
Especially in that dating scene. So be mindful of that. All right. If you're like me,
who just naturally has this like teaching gift.
And a gift of being able to kind of discern and give advice to people it's really really like you have to really be
Mindful of how that is coming across especially in dating
Okay, I had to do that a lot. It was just really easy for me to kind of want to you know
Here guys like kind of talking about maybe past trauma if they kind of deep dived and got to
Too oversharing and too deep too quick
It was really hard for me and I had to be mindful of not putting on this teaching counseling
caregiver hat on and really stepping into maybe just you know
Expressing like my own wisdom of
Situations and then also learning when guys were kind of going too far too quick and being able to reel that back in. So
Speaking of wisdom, that's another
characteristic of the divine feminine is being wise and intuitive the wisdom is that
Application of knowledge and deep understanding of a subject so think intuition not suspicion
It's practicing being God defended versus being self defended
and so with a broken and unhealed heart this can turn into judgment and suspicion very very easily it can look picky and
negative and many men can be very
Sensitive to that disapproving spirit because that's really what it is when we're coming from a place of judgment and criticism and we're
Suspicious because maybe we're taking something that's happened to us and we're thinking. Oh, well this this happened to me before so it's gonna happen again
And anybody that acts this way or does a certain thing is gonna operate the way it was before
So just keep that in mind
And be on the lookout that you know
You're using God's wisdom and God's intuition and God's discernment
to help you navigate through dating and that it's not turning into a place of being negative and suspicious and
Fearful because then that's when we're coming into that being self-defended and not being God dependent. Okay
the next character trait is
Comforter so think peace shalom
breathability being an advocate like profound psychological and emotional peace
I think of Isaiah 26 3 where you will keep in perfect peace
Those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you and what speaks to me
There is the feminine when she is directing her mind
Into the Lord and trusting the Lord there is the supernatural perfect peace that can come over you
and the feminine has a way of being able to influence that with other people and
Showing people that when we're trusting the Lord there's that's where we get our peace
Okay, so that's just it's a
You'll use that in your marriage use that in your families
Can't tell you how often I have to sometimes bring the peace back into my home
Chaos when you're blended a family and you got three kids and two of them are teenagers
So that is one of the characteristics of the divine feminine the next one is meekness
So this is that positive moral quality of dealing with people in a kind manner with humility and consideration
So one thing I like to keep in mind is that meekness is not weakness
It's actually power under control
So it's gentle. It's soft and it's vulnerable
Which takes a lot of strength ladies. I can't tell you
How important when you step into relationship, especially when you step into level three?
And you know where you're exclusive with someone and you're talking about engagement and then when you step into marriage
Vulnerability is super super important in building intimacy
All right, not gonna be rigid. It's not gonna be cold
All right, it takes a great strength to be able to be vulnerable and soft and gentle. Okay
Another trait is being receptive
So this is where we're just naturally receivers like physically and spiritually our bodies are just made
to be receivers
All right
And lastly don't forget to tap in to the fun feminine side
That God has created to you because let me tell you men do love a youthful playful spirit
Okay, this is something that I have to work on frequently
You know, I I could be fun
I like being fun, but sometimes I can step into a role of just being you know
Wife and mother and you know boss babe and needing to get things done
that I could get serious often that I forget just to let go and have fun and
thankfully I have a husband that is silly and goofy and just honestly he's a
weirdo I love him for it but he does help bring that out in me which is
awesome so some other things that Jackie talked about in the divine feminine are
those characteristics of the dark and unhealed feminine which I think are
super important to be mindful of and that but suspicious spirit the the
deceptive spirit the divine not the divine the dark feminine can be
manipulative all right that's really really important she really goes into
detail there she even talks about how people pleasing is actually manipulation
because you're trying to control people and liking you so you will think well
I'm just trying to be nice no you're trying to manipulate people into liking
you so sometimes you might use your influential piece of that divine feminine
and it can get turned into deception and manipulation and suspicion and all that
stuff so if you haven't watched the divine feminine just wait wait for it
wait until it's your week to watch it really really good I think you'll get a
lot of really great things out of it and I want to leave our talk about divine
feminine here with one last thought of the divine feminine values herself
because she knows she is a gift to humanity that is so key when when I
heard Jackie share that in that video I was like wow like that's so powerful
just to remember that you are a gift you're a gift to your husband's you're a
gift to humanity the feminine is a gift just like the masculine is to men are
gifts to humanity too so it's being able to tap into that and see the value
in your feminine and being able to share that with others okay so some other
topics I want to get into this week from things that I saw show up in the roll
call is let's talk about how to show confidence in dating does anybody have
any feedback on what that might look like how do you show confidence while
you're dating I'll give you a hint here it looks like the divine feminine and
like I just talked about remembering and believing that you are a gift so just in
the chat what are some ways that you practice showing confidence while you're
dating does anybody have anything
anybody Oh Leslie yes Napa was great it was wonderful I have something to share
I might not share it today here on the call I might share it in the app
something that was really really powerful that spoke to me that I thought
was gonna be really helpful to you ladies I might you remind me at the end
of the call I will I will share it I mean if I forget then I'll post it but
it was it was really really wonderful so Emily staying true to yourself keeping
boundaries kindly yes yes boundaries are huge it really really is that's how you
show confidence in who you are yes Leslie not being jealous or pushy all
right knowing that God has someone for you and no one is gonna take your man
from you all right that was something that I really had to tap in myself you
know a lot of times when we are get when we get jealous or pushy or we it's
coming from this scarcity mindset where there's not enough God must not have
somebody for me so I got to go out and get it myself I got to go take it from
somebody else or oh God forbid someone's gonna take it from me all right that's
not being confident in in who God's created us to be and who he's got for us
and trusting in him Alexis I love that yes eye contact and smiling that is one
of the great things of being able to show your confident it's actually a
really good way to you know tap into your divine feminine so those are all
all really good things so ladies I want you to keep that in mind when you're
stepping into dating is practicing showing that confidence it's so easy for
us to sometimes get into this trap especially if you were like me where I
struggled with my self-worth for a really long time and the heart work
really really helped me get some breakthrough in that area but just like
heart work like you you get breakthroughs it's heart work is like an
onion you can only
get so much breakthrough in your singleness that once you step into
dating it's going to bring a whole new level of revealing and healings. So just
keeping that in mind and recognizing when you find yourself struggling with
a lack of confidence and maybe you're questioning your self-worth and
how that might be showing up in your dating. So again it's just practicing
recognizing it and then going back to those heart work tools that you learned
in phase one. You're always going to have heart work tools there for you. There's
always ways that God's going to come and upgrade you. He's going to help give you
revealings for healing. So and I also want to talk a little bit about the
differences of being God defended versus being self defended. So the best way like
we talk a lot about non-negotiables. So when we talk about non-negotiables it
really is asking yourself are these non-negotiables that I'm getting
downloaded from heaven or are my non-negotiables coming from a place of
fear. So keeping that in mind when you because ladies if you were like me I
had this like long list of what I wanted and what I didn't want. And you know we
talk a lot about in discovery dating you will you will start learning what you
like what you don't like. But it's also about healthy balance of keeping an
open mind about what like am I not gonna go on on a date with a guy because he's
not six foot tall. But he's my husband's like five nine. Like in my 20s I liked
the tall guys. You know when I was before heart work and before I found Jackie I
would scroll through those apps and I had it set. I had those um what are they
the parameters or something like on your on your like what you're looking
for. Ladies I didn't want to be shown guys that were under six foot. Y'all I'm
five foot three. Like what? Come on. So you know are we are we bringing these
lists because like I was just afraid. I was and I'll tell you where this came
from. Thank you like Holy Spirit just really hit me with this just here. A lot
of that came from is I had this um I I had this insecurity about what I looked
like. That I wasn't tiny enough. I wasn't small enough. So if I had this taller
bigger guy it made me feel like I looked better. So you see how sometimes our list
can actually it has maybe even sometimes to do with our insecurities and some
healing that we have to do within ourselves. So those are just things to
keep in mind okay. And I share this usually most most weeks you know I had
these non-negotiables that I thought were from heaven. Like I was right I'm I
was not gonna date a guy that wasn't open to having a child. Like I really
want I thought God told me I was gonna have another baby. I had one birth baby
right. My my youngest is is from my own womb right. I was not married to his
father. I was you know I had had my child out of wedlock and so I wanted to do it
right. I wanted to be married and have my own baby. So I I came across guys that
had vasectomies and I was just like no. Then I met my husband and lo and behold
he had a vasectomy. And he had two kids that came along with him. And so when I
met him I had to really go to the Lord because there were some things happening
that I'm like Lord there's there's some confirmation on this man. There's a lot
of things that Lord I feel like you've told me about my husband and he's
exuding a lot of those qualities. There's just a lot of super there was a
lot of supernatural things happening when I met him. And I had to go to the I
had to go to the Lord because I had this non-negotiable that I need to marry
someone that was willing to have another child. And ladies my husband wasn't
willing to have another child. And when I went to the Lord y'all God gets me so
well. He's like girlfriend I told you you're gonna have another child and
until you're gonna birth it. He's like you're getting more children. You're
getting two two more children. So that was like we have you know we have to be
willing to hold those non-negotiables loosely and and really take an
inventory of whether or not we're building those lists or non-negotiables.
the fear or if it really is what God's called us.
I also had another one where I was not gonna move.
I was living in Florida and I loved it.
It was paradise.
My husband was in Texas, all right?
And so I had to really hold that loosely
and a lot of it was just out of my own fears
of what that would look like.
And so God pulled the carpet out from under me
and was like, oh honey, just be open.
And when I did, when I finally let go of this,
like, you know what, Lord,
you're just gonna have to bring somebody.
I don't care where he's from.
And about a week later,
after I really truly surrendered that pen,
my husband showed up in my DMs.
And I thought, actually I thought he lived in Florida.
And he's like, oh no, I'm in Texas.
I'm like, what are you talking about?
Oh, there's my timer.
I got a couple more points.
So I'll move through this quickly, all right?
Another thing, ladies,
I want you to think about how you respond
when you get irritated by a guy on a date.
Ladies, it will happen.
A lot of these guys don't have Jackie
or other coaches that are helping them.
All right, so there are gonna be things that they do
that just don't really like get to you.
You know, sometimes, yeah, they're just like,
yeah, no, no, thank you.
And then there's other times where God can use that
to bring out some revealing and healing for you as well.
All right, so keep that in mind
when you're out there dating, okay?
Because let me tell you, ladies,
there's things that my husband does
that irritate me and drive me nuts.
Like he did something today.
I get in the car.
He'd used my car to go pick up the kids last night
from youth group.
And I had hardly any gas in my car
and he knew I didn't have gas in my car.
And I was struggling to find time to get to the Costco
that's like 20 some odd minutes away,
but it's like 40 cents cheaper, McAllen.
And I'm such a budget, like I'm a budget stickler, all right?
And so I kept my car this morning
to take my sons to school.
And I'm like, what?
I had just, I put like a couple dollars
in my gas tank to hold me so I could get to Costco.
And no, my husband used that gas
that I put in yesterday to get me by.
And so I was irritated.
So ladies, just know, and honestly,
like it's funny how I was gonna teach on this
because I really had to reflect like,
why is that irritating to me?
What lie am I believing about my husband or my situation?
Or what am I trying to handle myself and not give to God?
And so I'm really having to do some little heart,
like little heart work on myself this morning.
So definitely ask yourself that.
Also ladies, as you're dating,
I cannot encourage enough to make sure you revisit
that Dating 101 video and the levels of dating
because pacing really is important.
Remember, it's a yes until it's a no.
And just because, you know,
we're not saying that you have to take garbage.
You have to take men that are gonna be disrespectful
and inappropriate with you.
That's when it becomes a no.
But it really is a yes until it's a no.
It's just to allow you to be open-minded,
to give a guy a second or a third chance.
And then after a third date,
if you're really just not feeling it, it's okay to say no.
I had to do that in a guy that I dated a year before
I met my husband.
Ladies, I went back and forth.
Goodness, I can't tell you.
There was just not a lot of peace
in that dating interaction that I had.
But I still kept an open mind and I learned a lot
and God showed me a lot of really great things in that.
So again, Dating 101 is one of those first videos.
And some of you are watching that
and maybe you haven't started dating
and maybe you're not gonna start dating
until that third or fourth week into phase two.
So it doesn't hurt to re-watch some of those videos.
But I can't emphasize enough,
as you step into dating,
if you have to go and refresh and look
and re-watch that video, it is helpful.
I do actually think, now that I think about it,
I do think that there is even some like PDF
or Word documents that outline the levels of dating.
So it doesn't hurt to pull that up as well.
And last but not least,
I kind of touched on this a little bit.
I'm gonna emphasize it on again
and then we are going to do some breakouts
and then come back for group coaching.
So the last thing,
if you are finding yourself overwhelmed
and stressed with dating,
you will need to go to Dating 101.
bill. All right. Like, I did it for two years, ladies, after
So if you are finding yourself overwhelmed
and stressed with dating,
after the frontman. I mean, I did it for many years before.
you will need to go to Dating 101.
Right. I did it before heartwork. And it was stressful,
right. And I was not doing the greatest, you know, I wasn't
making the greatest choices in my dating, you know, thankfully,
heartwork came along, Jackie's program came along, and I
learned a lot of stuff. I still did things incorrectly after
heartwork. And after Jackie's program, right, there were still
moments of stress and overwhelming, especially when
you get on online dating, and we'll talk about online dating
next week. Um, so that's key, like when you find yourself
there, reflect on surrendering that pen back to God. You know,
it's okay to press pause, if you need a little bit more time to
remember the heart, you know, in the dating process. So you need
to press pause for a little bit, that's fine. We don't want you
to stay stuck on pause. So if you need to press pause, because
it's just getting too much too quickly. Just pause it, reflect,
surrender that pen back to God. Remember that heartwork is like
an onion. I said this before, dating is going to add another
layer to your healing. Jackie often says, if you are hurt in
relationship, you're going to be healed in relationship. You know,
you can only heal for so so far single, that dating and
relationship and ladies, even marriage is going to add a whole
another layer of healing. So trusting God with the process
and utilize this community to help you unpack those
revealings for healing. That is what we are here for. Because
the revealings and healings will come. And we got you back. God's
got your back. And we're here to support you and help you. Remember
God's got your back. Okay. So now let's get out into our
breakout. So we're going to kind of touch on the divine feminine.
So my questions are going to come from there. Just real
quick. I want to see how many I've got on with me today. Is
there anybody that is at work and is not going to be able to
unmute and have some dialogue with some of your sisters here
in community? Because I'm gonna give you two questions today.
And I want you ladies to take about 90 seconds per question.
And everybody answer and then move on to the second question
and give yourself 90 seconds. Okay, so Laurel is not going to
be able to dialogue. Okay. So I think what I'm going to do is
I'm going to try to put three of you in a group so that
if someone is not available, there's at least still two people in
there being able to respond. So I'm going to try to put these
questions in the chat so that you have them. Do this real
quick. Copy and paste. Okay, so the first question is going to
be what trait of the divine feminine have you leaned on the
most? And how has it been good for you? And then I want you for
the second question after you share that then I want you
ladies to go back to that same trait and reflect on maybe how it
has not been good with an unhealed heart. I was going to
give you two I'm actually going to make it three questions. And
then the third one is what trait do you do you want to lean into
more this week? So the first question is what trait of the
divine feminine have you leaned on the most and how has it been
good? So answer that in your group. Then I want you ladies to
share about how it's not been good with an unhealed heart. And
then when y'all answered that, then the third question is, of
those traits that we listed earlier, what do you want to
lean on into a little bit more this week? Okay. Any questions
before I set up these groups? You can unmute if you have a
quick question about the breakout. Okay, let's see. All
right, I'm going to do two to three participants per room. If
Laurel if I if I will look out to make sure that you are in a
room with three and then if you are in a room with two and
Laurel is your other person.
and just be patient with me
and I will move you into another room.
Cool?
All right.
Go ahead and jump in.
I'll give you all probably about 10 to 12 minutes.
Okay, perfect.
All right, welcome back from your breakouts.
So now I'm gonna open the floor up to you ladies
to come and share your questions
and your questions can be about all things.
It can be about a dating situation
that you're finding yourself in.
It could be maybe it's something about
what you posted in Roll Call or in an Ask a Coach.
Oftentimes when there's a lot of stuff
I will encourage you ladies to come
so we can kind of dialogue back and forth.
Sometimes it's just helpful to talk through it
like I think I shared earlier.
I'm an external processor
so sometimes I like the back and forth
and then also it helps us coaches
to be able to ask more questions
and kind of get more detail out
because sometimes it's hard to just type
all the details in there, right?
So I'm gonna open the floor up to you all.
Questions that maybe you had through the week,
breakthroughs that you're having.
Maybe you have a question
or you're confused by something in the teaching today.
Maybe it's a question that you have in one of the videos.
Maybe you just wanna share some things
that God's doing through this program with you.
So I'm gonna leave it up to you.
I've got Sarah, Leslie and then Alexis that have questions.
So I'm gonna let y'all have the floor first.
I'm gonna go in that order
and then I've got another one here.
It looks like Emily and Elizabeth, so good.
Y'all, I'm excited.
This is the first time I feel like we've had
so many more people on this one o'clock
and more people like willing to open up and share.
So because of that and I wanna keep mindful of the time,
if you have more than one question,
just start off with one
and then we're gonna cycle through everybody
and then at the end, I will stay on a little longer
if you have a second or a third question, okay?
But then that way, for those of you
that can't stay on super, super long,
you still get at least some of it.
Again, this is being recorded.
We'll probably use this one for the replay
so you can always catch up at the end
if you have to cut out early.
So just know that's totally fine.
I know we're in the middle of a workday.
Like, so sometimes that gets a little challenging.
So, all right, Sarah, I'm gonna leave it to you.
Then we'll go to Leslie, Alexis,
and then Emily, and then Elizabeth, okay?
Okay, awesome.
Hey, Carla.
Hey, how are you?
I'm good.
I have a little bit of fear sharing this
on a recorded thing
because I do need to process some confession as well.
So I've been-
No, this is a safe place.
Okay.
Yes, these are recorded,
but they are only in our phase two group.
Okay.
And we really do guard that.
Okay.
And we're always like, that is so important.
So just know you're-
Perfect.
You got this, girl.
Yeah.
And I can be an oversharer.
So I'm just gonna like trust God
with whatever I'm sharing and-
You got it.
Whatever.
So I've actually been in phase two
since the middle of June.
I kind of got in the shuffle
of like switching over to the app on like July 30th.
And then I'm kind of finished with the phase two material,
but I really enjoy the coaching and stuff.
And so I've emailed about getting switched to phase three,
but I'm okay for now
because I have been seeing someone.
So it's not like I'm like, you know,
itching to meet the guys in phase three or whatever.
So that's part of my question is like,
I'm not sure how to get to phase three,
but I'm also kind of trusting God with that.
So, and that's a good thing to bring up
because I see it all the time.
And because we're transitioning from Facebook to the app,
right now, currently, when you ladies are,
when you ladies have been in the program,
program, not the program, in phase two,
for four to five weeks,
you've watched one video a week.
You've gotten through all those five videos.
You've come to live Tuesday check-ins
and you've done your time in here.
You can email admin at JackieDorman.com
and request to be moved over to phase three.
Right now we're doing that manually down the road
for all the ladies that'll be coming in later.
It will just naturally happen.
We'll naturally kind of progress people through.
But for now, just email and then hold tight
and admin and leaders will get you into that phase, okay?
So that's not my real question.
I gotcha.
I was just kind of putting it out there
making sure I was on the right page.
So thank you for clarifying that.
So I guess that also builds up part of my question.
So I've been seeing this man since the 4th of July.
So it's been about two months.
And I went on a mission trip to Israel in July
for two weeks and I didn't have peace
about getting back on the apps until I got back from Israel.
And then by that time I had gotten to know this guy
well enough that I was like,
I'm okay not seeing anybody else at the moment.
So we're not officially in level three,
but neither of us is dating anyone else.
So we're kind of in a default exclusive relationship.
And it also very much feels like we're in a relationship.
So it's almost like we haven't defined it,
but it feels like we're there.
I'm trying to be short, brief and powerful here
and I can tend to go long.
So I feel like a lot of this was a Holy Spirit set up.
Like I met him randomly at my parents' church.
I had had a sozo the day before.
It was like two weeks after I got out of phase one heartwork
and like God's been doing a lot in me
and there's like prophetic dreams
and also like old prophetic words
about who my husband would be.
Then I'm like, this feels like God.
And like-
Supernatural.
He's a deeply spiritual person
and like ridiculously attractive,
like unreasonably attractive.
Like I'm in trouble with how attractive he is.
So I'm so excited.
Like, and like two weeks before I met him,
I had an encounter with God where I felt like God told me,
hey, there's someone I want you to meet.
And I was like, is he hot?
And does he live near me?
I was just like joking with God and he chuckled
and sure enough, like I was like, okay,
well, if this is the one, then we'll see.
So, and he lives close.
So thankfully it's not long distance,
but he's from South Africa.
He's here in the US.
He's been here in the US for seven years.
He has a green card.
He does ministry and like missions and things like that,
but he has been in a dark night of the soul.
So there's this element of our relationship
where he feels like I'm a tall drink of water
in a desert wasteland.
Like there's a sense of like he experienced some betrayal
with a church that he was ministering at.
And so he's just felt really lonely in these past seasons,
especially in the pandemic and stuff.
And so there's a part of me that's really careful
because I don't want to get
into like emotional love tank filling,
but at the same time,
like I feel like there's this mutual attraction
where I don't feel like he's using me at all,
but he doesn't know when he's going back to South Africa,
but he feels like the Lord's told him
that he's going back to South Africa at some point.
So it's like, he's afraid I think to commit just yet
until he hears from the Lord
about whether or not to move forward with me
or whether or not to move to South Africa.
So there's a part of me that's like, okay,
I'm tethered to his heart.
Have you all discussed, I mean,
cause now, I mean, I see why maybe he's not,
cause again, ladies, I will say this,
we do encourage men to lead that exclusivity conversation,
that going from phase two, not phase,
I always say this, level two to level three,
we do encourage that you ladies like let those men,
let the men lead that.
So I can kind of see and understand
maybe why that hasn't happened
if he is a little guarded and unsure,
but I'm curious when he's shared this with you,
that he feels that the Lord is calling him back
to South Africa at some point, just not sure,
I'm guessing he doesn't know when,
is he asking for input?
Are you sharing input?
Have you prayed and thought about,
are you open and willing if God wants you to move?
Yeah.
Yes, so what are you hearing from God when you're,
and how are you responding to this gentleman?
Right, so when I prayed about it before,
like knowing that he's from South Africa
and there's a potential for kind of having a foot
in both worlds, because of the way that God led me
on the Israel trip, God has recently reignited a desire
and passion for missions internationally.
I also feel like I have some words on my life
about healing ministry, like prophetic words from college
that like, I'm like, I've never met somebody
who seems to have this.
same like God-sized dream and vision for ministry in life
that is bigger and beyond anything
that I could potentially ask or imagine.
So this feels like such a God-sized possibility
that it's almost like, God,
I don't want this to be too good to be true, right?
And I know his character is not to dangle a carrot.
And so he asked me even early on, he's like,
if God calls me to move to South Africa,
would you be willing to move to South Africa?
And I was like, yes, like God's given me this supernatural,
like last year I was dating somebody in Savannah
and I was like, no, I wanna stay in Baton Rouge.
And now I'm like, God, how am I saying yes
to potentially moving to South Africa?
Cause I feel like it's more aligned
with like God's purpose for my life potential.
Yeah, it's that destiny DNA.
I don't know if Jackie talks a lot about that as well.
So I mean, like, I like that you're saying like in the,
like before you were like, someone was in Savannah,
you're in Baton Rouge
and you just didn't feel like you were called to that.
And then things shifted and changed
because supernaturally things can shift.
That was a while ago.
Kind of like how I was like, I'm not moving to Texas.
That's just not gonna be a thing.
I'm not moving out of Florida.
I didn't even know it was gonna be Texas.
I just wasn't gonna move.
And then when God started supernaturally working things out
and opening doors and prophetic words
were starting to get confirmed,
there will come a peace with those decisions.
So I would encourage you to press in and ask the Lord
for his perfect peace in this situation.
Yeah, yeah.
Give it.
For sure.
If you, you know, and with, you know,
defining the relationship, I mean,
again, we do encourage the men to lead that.
But again, if you're pressing in and leaning into God
and it sounds like this man is very much in tune
with Holy Spirit and he's doing it,
there's no rush on the timing.
Yeah.
God's timing, ladies, is so good.
It's so perfect.
All we have to do is be willing to step into
what God is asking our next step to be.
Just show up today.
What is God wanting you to do today?
Let God work out all of those details.
And I say that and just, I can, you know,
share a little bit of my own testimony.
It's not so much in the whole, like,
realm of ministry and missions and things like that.
But I was a single mama.
I, my son's dad lived about 30, 40 minutes away
from where I was living.
My son went to see him once every two weeks.
So he was involved in my son's life.
And when I met my husband and things just happened
super naturally, like there was an exhilaration on it.
It was almost to the point where I was like,
I don't know if I should be going this fast.
But it just naturally started happening.
My son's dad called me on, after our third date
and told me he was leaving Florida.
He was moving out of Florida.
I didn't have to do any of that.
I did not have to control that.
I didn't have to try to manipulate
or do any of that stuff to, you know,
God just already was like, I've got this.
Let me lead this supernatural relationship.
Let me show you that I've already got it taken care of.
So I would just encourage you to lean on his perfect peace.
And just, you know, that's what I'm feeling
really strongly to encourage you with.
Yeah, and I think there's already been
that supernatural peace.
Like my mom has even noticed, she's like,
you're behaving differently in this situation
than you have in past relationships,
which is also a testament to the heartwork and all of that.
And so the other little like confession part
is he kissed me last week and we went beyond kissing
and I'm like, oh Lord, what do we do now?
Cause like he actually became a Christian in 2010,
but hasn't dated in Christian context.
And he's like, he and I are both like
high sex drive kind of people.
And so, okay, God, like we got to back this up
and like keep the fire in the fireplace.
This changes things now, okay?
So if you have gotten some form of physical
and you're kissing, that level three is already there.
Agreed, yeah.
So at this point,
Now it's time to have that conversation.
Okay.
Yeah, have that conversation.
I mean, we do, we really encourage like,
when you're in level two dating, kissing to me,
keeping that as off limits as possible
and waiting until you're exclusive
because it will just cloud things.
Yeah.
And once you've already kind of crossed that line,
it's really, there's no going back to that.
Right.
So again, at that point,
I feel like you all can have that conversation.
Now, let me caution you with the physical.
How, can I ask how far it went?
Yeah, it went to oral sex on the receiving end.
So.
Okay.
But I'm like, I have to keep my clothes on.
Like, we can't do this anymore.
The first time, so he kissed me last Monday
and then we hung out again on Friday,
but he was like, we can't kiss again.
Like, we can't do this.
But then like, things started really slow
and then like ramped up and it's like,
oh, like we can't do this again, you know?
And so like, we both like apologized
and like, that's not like my,
I let my body lead and I need my spirit to lead.
And so like, there's very much a like agreement,
like he's not pushing me, but it was like,
oh, I just let, I said yes in the moment
when like, that shouldn't even be on the table.
So he's like, the next time I saw him,
he's like, I'm gonna kiss you on the cheek
and I'm gonna give you a hug and then I'm gonna say bye.
So it was like, we're just like being really careful now.
And so.
Yeah, ladies, cause here's the thing.
And there's no shame in any of that.
Cause ladies, let me tell you, when you are,
when you're dating and especially
when you do find your spirit mate,
I mean, your body's gonna wanna get in on the party.
Like ladies, sex was created for us.
It's good, all right?
It's good when it's good, when it's, you know,
in that, you know, what God's divine purpose is, okay?
And you know, we all have moments of falling short.
So it don't feel shame and guilt when the desire comes.
The desire comes, okay?
I can't tell you, like ladies, it happens, right?
I confess the fact that like,
I had a child out of wedlock, all right?
So we all have some skeletons.
We all had things that, you know,
God has to work in us and through us.
I had a very strong conviction after I had my son
to hold it for marriage.
And then I met my husband and yes,
it was very challenging to withhold
because I hadn't had that kind of physical contact
in eight years.
My son was seven when I met my husband
and my son's dad left me at seven months pregnant.
So, I mean, we weren't being physical for even before that.
And so it had been a really long time.
And so it was really, really difficult.
So it's important though,
that you all really do have that communication
of what the boundaries are.
And I cannot stress enough
how important the boundaries conversation is.
It's, and I think Bethany has taught on this
and I'd have to figure out where that content is,
where depending on the two people,
it's finding the lowest level boundary for the two of you
and that becomes the boundary.
For some people, like just sitting next to
and cuddling with somebody can,
like if that's happening, there's no boundary there
because then you just know that you're gonna go.
For other people, it might be like kissing,
like heavy kissing,
where it's like as soon as the heavy kissing comes,
it's on, there's no stopping.
So it's finding out what level are you going to
know that you, like your boundaries,
you lose all your boundaries.
So having that conversation and scaling that back.
And as long as it sounds like you both are on the same page
and how important keeping that sacred is for you,
it's just, it's again, it's having those check-ins,
it's communicating frequently
about where you're at physically, all right?
And admitting like, look, I desire this,
but I also desire not to do it until I'm married, okay?
Thank you so much, that's helpful.
It's validating because it seems like we're.
kind of doing that already. And I'm really grateful that like,
he's, he's open to those conversations. And we're on the
same page. And we we desire to honor God and pursue holiness
and purity. And he's, this is his first, like, romantic
relationship since he's become a Christian 14 years ago. And so
it's like, I thought it would be easier to not have sex until
marriage. I was like, No, it's very difficult. You have to be
very intentional. Like, it's like warfare on the offense. So
so yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate it.
You are welcome. Well, thank you. Thank you so much for
sharing. And ladies, again, there's never any shame. When
you come and confess some things that you're struggling with. We
are all human. We are all we all fall short. We all have things
in areas that you know, we need growth in like, like, it's okay
to get real and honest, because we're all women here. We all
like, we all get it. Most of us are in our 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s,
like, it's, it's no, it's no secret that we don't want to do
that stuff. Okay. All right. Well, thank you, Sarah. So
Leslie, you're up next.
Okay, my this should be fairly quick. You get you said
revealing for healing happens like when you're when you're
frustrated or you're annoyed. How is it because I feel that
way fairly frequently. So I'm just trying to figure out what
it is I'm supposed to be what's being revealed in all of that.
So going back to going back to heartwork. So when we're
connecting and what that emotion that we're feeling, it's it's,
it's going to God and asking him, okay, where does this
emotion? Where does this feeling come from? What am I believing?
It's being able to take time to reflect on what, what, what am I
believing? So if I'm getting frustrated and annoyed, what am
I frustrated and annoyed about? So that's where we can sometimes
start unlocking and tapping into those little foxes in the
garden that want to feed us lies about whether it's our self
worth, whether it's our belief about men. And then like some
annoyance and frustration. So I can share some of my own
experiences here. So I oftentimes would get super
annoyed and frustrated with guys that liked younger women.
Because my son, biological father, left me for someone who
was 12 years younger than me. So when I would encounter guys,
and especially I had one guy that was pretty unhealthy, and
he was, he was very dishonest about his age. And I thought he
was older. And I expressed it because I thought he was a
little too old for me. I just didn't, you know, wasn't really
interested in that. And I asked him his age, he freaked out on
me. And when he did, he started talking about how he had just
dated someone last week that was in her 20s. Now, mind you, this
man was like 46 years old. And I was like, Whoa, like, and so I
was really like, like triggered by that. And I'm like, what am I
believing about this? And then I also then dated another guy and
got to know another guy. And then he wasn't my person. Like,
I knew he wasn't, he's actually still a good friend of mine, I
still stay in contact with him. But he was a little bit younger
than me. And then two weeks after we went out on date, he
went on a like church trip, and met somebody. And lo and behold,
she was 12 years younger than me. And they're like in a
relationship, and they're going strong right now. And I started
getting like down on myself, because and frustrated, I was
frustrated. Like, why is he getting to find someone and I,
you know, I'm still having to, like, go through this whole
rigmarole. You know, he was, he was actually dating someone that
was best friends with girlfriends of mine from my, my
job. And so I had to really like, stop and being like, what
am I believing here? I had to stop and be like, okay, what's
being revealed? Why is this triggering me? Why is this
annoying me? Why is this frustrating, frustrating me? Why
am I getting irritated? What what am I believing? I started
believing that God didn't have somebody for me, that men just
wanted younger women, that I wasn't going to find my guy. And
those were all lies. And I had to stop and be like, okay, God,
like, that's a lie.
from the enemy, where did that come from?
What steps do I need to take?
What does your truth say?
Do I need to work through some forgiveness?
Do I need to forgive myself?
Do I need to forgive my son's dad?
Like all of these things.
So it's going back into that heartwork process.
So that's what that can look like.
So when you're finding yourself irritated,
frustrated, stress, it's typically there's something deeper.
And so I encourage you ladies to kind of press in
and start taking a reflect and take an inventory
on where does that come from?
What am I believing?
And what is God's truth say about that?
Does that help?
Do you feel like you're able to kind of lock in maybe?
Sometimes I think maybe I should not even be in phase two
because I get to the point where
I get so not just frustrated with men,
but I felt so much more peaceful in phase one.
Girl, I get you.
I was like that too.
Like true story, like it took me,
I think Jackie ended up like having to kick me
out of the nest and be like, you got to get on a date.
Like she literally was like, you need to date somebody.
I'm going to set you up with someone
and it's not a love interest.
You need to get out.
You need to go practice dating.
Because I was like, no, no, the heartwork and the healing
and all the things that God's, you know,
sharing with me in phase one just feels so cozy and nice.
Where, you know, again, it's time to move on.
It's time, she was like, it's time to fly
and get more, some more healing.
That's where that hurt in relationship,
healed in relationship come from.
And that's just preparation, ladies.
Really, that's just really, it is, it's preparing you
because, you know, marriage is, like Jackie says,
it is God's maturity plan for y'all.
Like it really is going to be like,
you're going to mature in marriage
because there are going to be things that come up
and sacrifice that you will make in your marriage.
And it is a beautiful thing, but this is the process.
It's trusting this process of heart healing
and working on our hearts and then getting into dating
and starting just to uncover
some of those counterfeit identities
and starting to step into, you know, God's promise for us.
It's a beautiful thing, but it's all the process.
God wants to upgrade us.
He wants to grow us.
He wants us to lean in more to Him.
And I will tell you, ladies, you will do that.
You will do that in the dating process.
You'll do that once you get yourself
into a level three and engagement,
and then it just continues on to marriage.
And then you get kids in the mix or family members
in the mix and in-laws and all that kind of stuff.
There's just more opportunities for healing and growth
and good, fruitful harvest.
All right.
So yeah, Laurel's right there with you, Leslie.
It's easy to look on phase one
and then feel irritable in phase two.
And then yes, that maturity plan, it really is.
It's just, it's all, what is it?
Preparation, you know, not sitting in the waiting room,
but it's a preparing.
All right, Alexis, you're up, thank you.
So I'm just wondering, when you talk about using wisdom
and being intuitive, how do you do that
as opposed to being suspicious?
Because I was so suspicious in my last relationship.
And I think honestly, sometimes the Holy Spirit
gave me checks in my spirit because it turns out
he was talking to other women all the time behind my back.
And so I was suspicious and I don't wanna show up suspicious
in any future relationship, but I wanna use wisdom
and be intuitive and discernment,
but I'm not really sure how to separate the two.
So a lot of that, I know for me what it looks like
is, you know, just partnering with the Lord,
you know, staying in constant relationship with him
and, you know, asking for that wisdom and showing me.
And again, a lot of it will come to that pacing
when we talk about dating and pacing ourselves,
because in the beginning,
when you're just getting to know someone,
some of us can take it from, you know, zero to a hundred,
and we still don't really know a person
and we start letting our guard down
and we're letting, you know, a stranger in.
come in and then there's the the emotions and the feelings that get
involved and so sometimes we find ourselves you know unsure so it's using
the wisdom that you're learning here in the community of what we talk about
pacing you know how to interact in in the dating in the dating world and then
just partnering with Holy Spirit and and trusting that he will give you peace and
ladies let me tell you and it's also about creating those boundaries with men
when you're dating I cannot stress enough when you look for those three M's
in a man so it's the it's the mature marriage minded and masculine so this
divine video that we talked about today Jackie also just talks a lot about the
divine masculine and it's stepping into and learning a little bit more of what
that divine masculine looks like so when we create these healthy boundaries which
that's the last video so when you start learning about creating boundaries and
the pacing of the relationships and the dating men will healthy masculine mature
marriage minded men will respect your boundaries and it's all about that
communication it's pacing communicating you know a man is going to part of the
divine masculine is the man it will be a protector he's going to want to
protect what's sacred in the feminine it's going to want you to feel safe and
secure and so it's it's listening to that it's looking for those things it's
looking for the fruit it's you know assessing a man's character by getting
to know him in an easily paced relationship it's not going from zero to
hundred it's literally just taking your time and allowing God to kind of reveal
to you those areas does that help give you some reassurance of what we mean by
using wisdom and and what to look for when you're dating yes that was very
helpful thank you good good good good well keep us posted because again ladies
you know a lot of us myself included have probably been hurt in previous
relationships and you know Alexis like you I was really guarded I was really
scared I didn't want to get hurt again I had been hurt over and over and over and
over again and you know it's it's literally utilize this community utilize
us coaches utilize your sisters in here come be vulnerable share what you're
experiencing and we'll help you with those blind spots you know just know
that you're in the right place you're here we got we got you you know your
sister squad will back you up you know if I got to be mama bear I'll be mama
bear I'm really good at that you know I look out for my ladies all right so
we're here to help support you and make sure that you're not going to get
yourself in those types of situations but part of that is ladies coming here
and in communicating to us what you're experiencing tell us about your date you
know we'll help you see those blind spots we'll ask questions okay and when
we're asking questions we're not trying to interrogate you we're just trying to
get understanding and clarity and that's why I also like y'all come in because
then we can dialogue back and forth okay all right Emily you've got your
hand up thank you for waiting um well we already caught up a little bit about the
date I went on over the weekend and then this is more of like a heart work
question okay like having to do with some like friendship rejection stuff
that's come up this week and I just feel like it's probably you know gonna all be
connected so like exactly like what you were talking about that whole like
people-pleasing like you're not actually just being nice like you're trying to
get people to like you like the Lord has been really dealing with me with that
area so like last night I I kind of made a choice around not doing that and the
Lord like confirmed in all these cool ways like you made the right choice you
didn't go like oh I should go meet with that friend because I don't want to hurt
their feelings and like all these things that were like going through my head um
but now I'm kind of dealing with like like when I said no like the Lord kind
of revealed like that person doesn't actually super want to be friends with
me and like there was kind of a really cold text that I received and I just I
feel some like rejection
in girlfriend rejection pain today.
And I just, I think that I'm like,
I don't want it to be an open door
to hearing like all these voices,
like don't pursue friendships with girls
who aren't super, you know, just let, I don't know.
Like, I feel like I don't want to assume rejection
right now in my life,
even though I've experienced it a few times
recently with girlfriends.
I'm like, what's appropriate?
Like, I don't know, I guess like I'm learning
when is it appropriate to be like pursuing a friend?
And then like, when is that line being crossed?
Like, okay, I'm not taking the hint.
They're not really wanting to be like sent
or like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yeah.
So a lot, so how, how far along have you,
are you in with the videos?
Like what videos have you watched?
I watched all the videos except for the boundaries one.
Okay, the boundaries will be helpful.
So just know you're going to get there, okay?
That'll be boundaries.
If I recall correctly, even in this Define Feminine video,
Jackie talks a little bit about, you know,
shaking the boat a little bit.
You know, that happened with me
when I first stepped into heartwork
and I first joined this program.
You know, I was learning a lot about myself.
I was learning about, you know, what God's,
what God wanted for me, wanted better for me.
And so I, you know, I had to learn to say no.
I had to learn to, you know,
the boat got shaken a little bit
and there are going to be people
that are going to fall out of that boat and that's okay.
It's totally, totally fine.
This could be that shifting it.
There's that shaking, if you will.
All right, what's not of him is going to crumble.
And when you shake and what's solid
and what's good will stand firm.
It's on firm foundation, right?
So again, it's, I think you even just recognizing
and being able to identify,
man, this feels like rejection, right?
But now it's going back to that heartwork tool and say,
okay, but what does God say about rejection?
Am I really being rejected?
You know, is that a lie?
I'm believing that my worth is tied to a certain friend
or people liking me.
You know, I love this conversation
because it brings up a lot of what I'm experiencing
with my bonus daughter.
You know, she is about to be 13.
She was homeschooled for the last two years
and now we've got her back into,
we put all of our kids into a charter school.
So now they're with kids every day,
where before she wasn't and she is my social butterfly.
She knows no strangers.
She's always looking for acceptance.
She wants to be liked.
She wants to be loved.
There's some trauma in her life
and her mom had some mental illness
and then her mom passed when she was seven years old
from cancer.
So there's a lot of trauma there.
And so there's, you know, oftentimes she's seeking
to please people and wanting their love and acceptance.
And I'm always having to work with her
and remind her that her worth doesn't come from others.
It comes in the finished work of the cross,
what Jesus has done for us, you know?
And I always tell her,
you're gonna have friends that may not like you
or they, you know, it might not be as healthy.
There might be boundaries that are crossed.
And I always tell her,
because she has this thing about wanting to be popular.
And I'm like, sometimes what's popular
isn't always the right thing.
It's not about being, it's, you know,
and I'm like, what does that mean?
What does being popular mean?
And she's like, about being liked.
Like, okay, well, what characteristics
did God bless you with that make you likable?
You're kind, you're considerate.
You know, you care about people.
You're, you know, you're empathetic.
You wanna help people.
Those are good qualities and characteristics.
And when we're modeling those, like, you know,
the fruits of the spirits, the peace,
the patience, the kindness, the joy, the love,
and we're exuding that, that's all that matters, right?
And so, and there are gonna be people
in their own toxic, unhealthy traumas
that are gonna respond to us.
But at the end of the day,
if we're honoring who God calls us to be,
that's all that we can do.
And so it's just reminding ourself where,
like, why, where does rejection come from?
It comes from the enemy.
It comes from that fear.
And, but filling it with what God says about us.
So you are, ladies, you will shake the boat, you know.
That boundaries video will be good when you get to it.
Okay, you don't have to rush into it.
Okay, just do one a week process, you know,
and things like that.
But it will also teach you about healthy conflict as well.
Renee does a phenomenal job in that video,
really giving us tips and pointers
about how to have healthy conflict.
Because, you know, we're not gonna be without conflicts.
Yeah.
Like that's kind of what happens
with this side of the curse, right?
Living on this earth, we're susceptible to that.
So just keep that in mind, you know, process those feelings.
It's okay to feel it.
It's okay to feel like a little sadness about it.
But, you know, just lean in the Holy Spirit,
lean into what the Lord is kind of revealing
and showing to you,
and just be reminded of what his truth is.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, Elizabeth, you're next.
How are you?
Good.
I actually stayed home because I was sick.
So I'm a little congested.
But yeah, I already had posted about my first date,
which was last Friday.
And I found that I was getting really irritated
by some of the questions and some of the things
that he was asking me.
And so I was trying to figure out why.
Like, why am I so irritated?
And so...
Have you come up with anything?
Not yet.
So maybe it would be...
Well, I guess if I just like do a skinny version
of like backstory is I had done a video chat with him.
Okay.
And I had said basically kind of what Renee says
about like, let's do a quick chat.
Well, it was seven minutes.
So like, that's real quick.
It was quick.
So I assumed that wouldn't go so good.
And then he didn't follow up
or there was nothing after that,
even though he had said, like I'd said,
yeah, I'd love to get to know you.
And I didn't hear anything back from him.
So I was like, okay, well, that didn't go well.
So I ended up deleting him after a week
on the app that we were on, which was the Facebook one.
Okay.
And then, but we had messaged in Messenger
because I didn't know how to do.
Yeah.
I was new to the whole thing.
Anyways, so then he goes, what happened?
What happened to you?
You disappeared.
And I was like, oh, well, I told him,
like it was a seven minute conversation
and I never heard back.
So I just figured you weren't interested in meeting.
And he was, he just put like, laugh out loud.
No, I am.
And then anyways, when we ended up going on a date,
so I think because of that, when I first got there,
he was talking a lot.
And I think he was trying to,
like it was like an overcompensate
because I had said like,
well, it was only seven minutes before.
So.
So now he's trying to make up for it.
So, so then he was like, just,
so then I asked him a couple of questions
and then he was like,
you had asked me a really good question
and I told you I wanted to answer that in person.
And I was like, okay.
And I thought that was fair enough.
That's good.
That's kind of what we teach you ladies,
like with some of those questions.
So that's good.
Yeah, it was.
And then, so I asked him what I thought I had asked him
and he goes, well, that wasn't the question.
And I was like, okay, well, should I look what it is?
Or do you remember?
And he goes, no, no, it's okay.
So then I was like, okay, well, that's, I mean, so to me.
What was the question?
So then I was like, I have to look at what,
like what was the question?
I think I had asked him some,
well, I know that somewhere along the line,
I was trying to ask him like,
how does faith show up in your life?
Or what is, like,
what are the things that are important to you?
So he, when I went to ask him in person,
he was like, oh, that wasn't the question.
Now it's like, okay, was it this?
And so he was like, no, that wasn't it.
So then I'm like, I get it.
Were you like, okay, dude, then what was it?
So then I was like, maybe we actually look.
And he's like, no, no, don't look.
And so I was like, well, that's funny because,
so then I was sitting there going,
I have no idea what the question was now because,
but I knew it was along the lines
of wanting to hear more about his connection to faith.
So anyways, he ended up answering that question
and then just started talking.
hearing. And then he was, then he recognized like he was doing
all the talking and said, Oh, this is feeling really
unbalanced. Um, why don't you tell me about you? And I was
like, but this is like a good 25 minutes in. So I'm like, Oh,
what would you like to know? And he's like, anything like, you
know, and so so that that kind of irritates me first off, that
was just like, Okay, I now I have to feel like I have to have
a 22nd. Which I probably should have like a, you know, short,
brief, elevator speech kind of a thing, you know? So then, then
he was like, so I tell him some things. And so he's like, Okay,
so, so what do you like to do as far as, you know, whatever, like
I had said, like, he asked me, like, activities or whatever. So
I tell him, and then he's like, Okay, so you only like to do and
he lists like the five, like five or six things I said, and
he goes, What else you got for me? So then I was like, that's
all I got for you. And then he had asked me, what? What else
did he ask? I think that one, the question that I was irritated
because he kept asking me the same question. And he asked me
three times where he said, How long has it been since you've
been in a like a, a long term or serious relationship? And
like, like, it's been a long time. And I was trying to think
about it. And so I'm like, it's been a long time. And he's like,
like, so then I gave an example. He goes, Oh, wow, it's been like
more more. It's been like, at least three years. Because I had
mentioned something about California when I lived in
California. And that was two and a half, three years ago. And so
he was like, Oh, wow. Okay, so three years, huh? Um, and so
then he kind of switched. So he then he didn't even let me
finish, like, answering, he just kept talking. And then he was
like, came back to it. And then he was like, three years, huh?
Um, and so and he goes, you know, that is a choice.
It's something that I think can happen is when these guys are on
dates. And their responses are like that, that sometimes it
could say a little bit more about them and their
insecurities. Okay. And that could be why. And again, I think
remembering that many of these men, most of these men do not
have a coach that they're probably getting help with. So I
mean, how many of you can raise your hand and say, Yeah, you've
been on those dates where the guys are awkward there, you
know, it's just like, Oh, my gosh, like, he, you know, his
tone is a little like, you know, abrasive, or he's just like, I
love I love Renee's work where our word about flunky, like the
guys can be a little awkward. It's like they don't, they're
tripping up over their words, or they don't even realize that my
dude, like, you sound like a little judgy with with things
like that. I think it's just knowing that, yeah, they're
gonna be guys that you all gonna go on dates with that might kind
of get you might get that, like, Oh, my gosh, like, this is just
annoying, and irritating. And it's just keeping that open
mind. And just, you know, remembering just to, you know,
give grace with some of these guys. And you know, you might
want to give them a second date. Like if you really feel like
it's a hard no, it's okay to just be like, Look, I don't
think this is gonna go anywhere romantic. I appreciate you
spending time. It's been nice getting to know you. I just
don't know if I see this progressing. Thank you so much.
And then you can be on your way. You know, what I encourage you
ladies to do is kind of lean in a little bit more of what you're
experiencing feeling. So I think Elizabeth, did I do I recall
this correctly, where you kind of mentioned where you felt he
made you feel a little bit reprimanded, or judged in some
way, I think you mentioned about if I'm recalling this correctly,
that he had a perception or an idea about your faith and
the church that you went to and you almost felt like he was,
you were wrong for something and for thinking a certain way was,
is that, am I recalling?
I don't, I don't think that was me, but I, no, I don't think that was me,
but he did.
I may have been me. Okay. Okay. Thank you, Emily.
Yeah.
So many of y'all's posts and I do try to keep them, you know,
sorted through and things like that. And I do know,
I do think Elizabeth, I did share, I was hoping that you would come,
um, to live and so that we could dialogue a little bit about this. So, um,
but what were you saying? Like, did he,
He did reprimand me. And I, and I think when he had said it the third time,
I was like, um,
and then he said, I'm not trying to shame you. And I,
I wear all of my expressions on my face. So I,
um, I don't hide things. Well, um,
because I was, I was irritated at that point. And I was like, well,
how long were you on this date for? It was an hour and a half. Okay.
I was going to say, I feel like if, if this was kind of coming up, like ladies,
have you been on a date for an hour and all of that? It's, it's okay.
Just be like, you know, you can cut it short.
Yeah. I mean, there were good things about it,
but these were the parts that like, I was like,
I don't know why I was so irritated, except I was just like, um,
I think, I think what,
when I was trying to process what I was so irritated was is I felt like I was
sharing things,
but he didn't seem to have interest to ask more questions about any of the
things I shared. Um, and I,
and I was feeling like some of the things of where he was trying to lead the
conversation. Um,
I think he was trying to tell me things about himself. Um,
and, but I was still like, what is he so, so what is he so concerned?
I, so I asked him like,
it sounds like you're really concerned that it's been three years for me since
I've been in a relationship, which had been longer,
but since he had just said three years, I just went with that. And he said,
no, I'm not concerned. You're a stranger.
And I'm not judging you. And so I was like, okay,
it feels like it because you keep bringing it up. But, um,
so I didn't know how to like, um,
if I'm overreacting and it's just hitting a button for me,
cause that's a kind of what it felt like, but,
or if it's just, he's being irritating. I don't know.
Yeah. I think it's using these opportunities,
these dating opportunities, like, like we always say, like,
utilize it to kind of see what you're feeling
and bringing up and in using it as an opportunity to press into the Lord more.
Cause
it almost sounds like he's,
yeah, I would just say lean in, lean in a little bit more about what,
what you're feeling and seeing what the Lord kind of wants to bring up there.
Um, cause like you said, you did feel reprimanded, you know,
he's saying that he's not judging you and he's not shaming you,
but you still felt it.
So asking the Lord to help you process what,
where that's coming from, you know,
where shame and judgment come from,
especially when it's being directed at you. And you know what,
he could say that he wasn't, but maybe he was, but at the end of the day,
whether you see this guy or not again, like it can be something that,
you know, you, you know,
if you come in contact with somebody else in the future that you feel that way,
it's just kind of resting in who you are.
And you know, there's no, there is no shame. If you've been in a ladies,
I wasn't in a relationship for almost eight years when I met my husband,
you know, and, and, and ladies,
you don't even have to share that information with somebody,
you know, you can just say it's, it's been a little while. And you know, I've,
I've, you know, been working on myself and enjoying my life.
And,
and now I'm in a stage where I'm excited to get to know more people and see
where it goes. You know, I do desire to have, you know,
a long-term relationship that looks, you know,
would end in marriage at some point in my life.
And so now I'm in a season of my life where I'm able to make that happen.
And I'm looking forward to it and, you know, maybe emphasize,
I'm not going to look so much at my past, but I'm looking forward, you know,
my
that I've been on in the past has made me who I am and I'm thankful for it.
It's again, it's that exuding that confidence, you know, and, you know,
maybe asking yourself, do you have some unresolved things with, um, not being
in a relationship for three years?
I don't think you do, but again, these are all things that when you go in with,
you know, or, you know, conversation with the Lord, it's, it's looking, it's looking
at that and, and, and seeing what, what comes up.
One thing that also for you was the guy that also went or had, you had another
guy that went back and looked at your Facebook, like from same guy, same guy.
And he went back four years on.
I don't love that.
I really don't like that.
That seems and ladies, if guys are doing that and you notice they're doing that,
like that's where I'd just be like, eh, okay.
I also want to even encourage, like if you ladies are ones to do that,
cause I've done that in the past, I've gone back and like scrolled through
and like scoped out and been suspicious of people's past, let's be mindful that
if, if any of you ladies are doing that, but let's look at that.
But then if you are noticing guys are doing that too, just be, be aware of that.
Um, is, does he have access to your social media?
Like, does, are you, did you friend each other on, on, no,
we hadn't friend each other.
He had asked to friend me and then I see on, he had unasked to friend me.
Um, because I didn't accept it, your profile set to private.
No, because I'm a photographer.
And so it's like, I have to, well, I guess because I was a
photographer and then I didn't.
I, although I have a business account, but anyways, I just, I didn't.
Um, I would encourage you ladies.
Cause I like setting, set your profiles to private, but like you said, like you,
you're a photographer, so you want to share that ladies, if you don't know
this, when you post things on Facebook, you can edit your privacy setting
for each post that you put up there.
So I have some that like, I'll let all my friends see.
Then they, I have another feature where I've eliminated certain people.
Like a lot of people, maybe from my high school, like I had one dude
that I graduated high school.
I mean, I graduated in 2001, so it's been over 20 years and over 20 years.
And he would just creep on my social media, especially on posts
that I had with my son.
And I was like, okay, I need to go through and I really need to like
eliminate certain people or be mindful of who I'm sharing things with.
And so I have set certain, I mean, you can literally make little
profiles of like groups of friends.
And you can, when you post something, you can go to that privacy setting
and set it to only certain people.
So if you have a photography post that you want, you want people to see whether
you're friends with them or not, you could set that to all it's public.
Now they don't have something maybe about, you know, family or, um, maybe
you're traveling or something like that.
And you only want a select few people being able to see that you're traveling
or something that has to do with family.
So I would strongly encourage you ladies.
If you don't already have your things, your social media accounts, really
take time to look into that and, and filtering what you post and who can see
it, especially when we're using, you know, online dating, I mean, I'll be honest.
I would, I would background check some of the guys too.
Now I'm not going back four years.
Cause if I'm going back four years, like when at that point, you're
just trying to be suspicious.
You're trying to dig, right?
You want to see what their past relationships look like?
What kind of, maybe what the girls that he was dating prior to looked like.
And maybe some of these dudes are doing that to you too.
And then if they are, that might be a big yellow flag.
All right.
You know, I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but I would just, I'd bring it up.
Be like, dude, like I noticed that you, you looked back, like, can I ask you?
You do that a lot.
Do you do search through very blunt?
Like if y'all don't, you know, if you haven't gotten to know me, um, too well
to, you know, yeah, I can be pretty blunt, you know, I'm pretty forward.
I'm pretty opinionated.
I, you know, I will, I will say it like it is, especially the
people that I don't really know.
So sometimes I, you know, I'll give you ladies feedback of just, you know, put
it out there, throw it on the table, you know, communicate it.
If there's something that's making you uncomfortable, say, Hey, look, this is
really making me.
and comfortable, can you help me understand
why you would do something like that?
I mean, let them respond.
You know, my husband asked to kiss me on my first date
and I was like, no, no, you cannot kiss me.
Do you wanna know why?
I'll tell you why.
He was like, you don't have to tell me why.
And I was like, well, I'm gonna tell you why
I don't want you kissing me on the first date.
You know, and he was really respectful about it.
And even then when we were, you know, level three,
you know, he still didn't assume that
just because now we were in a committed,
exclusive relationship that I was ready to kiss him.
He let me let him know when I was ready.
So yeah, just all things ladies to think about.
We're coming up here on about two hours.
So I know a lot of you, like Shelly,
your phone's about to die.
I think a few people had it cut out.
So I do wanna release you ladies.
So I just know that this is in replay.
So if any of your sisters that you saw on
and had to fall off of, you know,
just go and let them know we are recording it.
And then we will be back again tonight.
Ebony, one of our other phase two coaches,
she will be doing the live session tonight
at eight o'clock Eastern time.
So I hope that you ladies got some good information.
Elizabeth, I hope that you feel
that you got some clarity here
and that, you know, things are,
you're feeling at peace about things, I hope.
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I am.
I think when he had went back,
I had, one of the things I also had seen was
he had liked one of those stupid games,
you know, those games where it says like,
Elizabeth is most attracted to, and it said black men.
Well, he's not black.
And I still had that posted from like four years ago.
And he put like a shocked face on it.
And so I was like, oops, well, that actually is,
I realized, okay, that actually is,
I realized I'm communicating something.
And I realized-
But remember that was four years ago.
You are a different person now than you were four years ago.
Right, but I also-
And again, we all know there are some of those like
quirky little games and things like that on Facebook.
I wouldn't read that into that too much.
I mean, unless when you took that,
you really did truly feel like
that was what you wanted to put out there.
Or were you just doing it for laughs?
I thought it was just fun.
Yeah, so I wouldn't overthink all of that stuff.
And, you know, and again, just kind of, you know,
lean in a little bit and see, you know,
if there's some insecurity that maybe you're feeling
or, I mean, and I don't know
if that's what you're feeling or not,
but, you know, what again is being revealed here?
And again, maybe it's just,
maybe it was just not a great date.
Maybe not.
And maybe you're just like, okay, I learned something.
I learned what I like.
I learned what I didn't like.
And you can just move on.
Yay.
You know, like ladies, it's a yes until it's a no,
and it's okay if it's a no.
It totally is.
I just wasn't sure.
Do I have to really give them three dates?
If this guy, like, honestly,
I don't love the fact that he's gone back
to your Facebook for years.
Like to me, that would, I'd be okay to move on.
Okay, because I was like, is that a yellow flag
or is that a red flag?
You know?
Yeah, if it's not enjoyable, ladies,
if you're going on these dates
and they're just not enjoyable,
it's okay not to continue going on not enjoyable dates.
Like we want this dating process to be enjoyable.
And if it's not enjoyable, don't torture yourself.
All right?
Now, if you're finding yourself constantly feeling
like every date you go on sucks and is not fun,
then that's when we need to kind of go through
and assess and maybe get some revealing
and healing happening.
You know, why is this consistently happening
with several different people?
If there's just one guy that's just,
it's not your cup of tea, you're not vibing,
it's not enjoyable, you don't like it,
it's okay to shift and move on.
Okay?
Thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, ladies, have an awesome rest of your day.
I look forward to seeing y'all in the app
and on next week's call, okay?
Thanks, Carla.
You're welcome.
Talk to you ladies later.