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All right, welcome ladies. Good afternoon. Welcome. It's Tuesday, September 10th. You're

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here for Phase 2, our live check-in here at 1 o'clock Eastern Standard Time. If you are

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new to Phase 2 and this is your first live, go ahead and raise your avatar hand or just

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raise your hand if you're on camera. If you're not on camera and you can access your camera,

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please do so. All right, we want to come out of hiding. Do I have any newbies yet? Oh,

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there we go. Tiara is new. Welcome, welcome, welcome. So this is going to be recorded,

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so I'm also just going to do this. I know Tiara is here, but for anybody watching in

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replay that's new, just to introduce myself, I am Carla Johnson. I am one of your Phase

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2 coaches here and last year's single. I'm also a success story. I have been with Jackie

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now. It'll be four years at the end of this month. So I came in through a Facebook ad.

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I found Jackie and went through this program, just like many of you, and I just celebrated

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my one-year wedding anniversary last week. So if you were on here last week, I was coming

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to you live from Napa on our one-year anniversary trip. So I am excited to be here with you

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all today back in the comfort of my own home. It was beautiful there, but it is always nice

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to get back home and get back into routine. So yes, I'm a success story. All the things

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that we teach and coach you here, I've experienced it myself. So just know I'm not asking you

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to do something that I probably didn't already do. And if you've done things that you're

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like, oh, I messed up, guess what? I probably messed up too. So you're not alone. We're

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in this together. And I actually met my husband through one of the ladies here in this community

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that I formed a relationship, a friendship with. He happened just to see his profile

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in a dating group, and she reached out to him for me. And funny story is that there

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were a lot of women in this community that were keeping an eye out for me. There was

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even some women in this community that had already reached out to Jackie about my husband,

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wanting to get him connected into this program. And thankfully, she didn't get a hold of him

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before I met him because who knows who snatched him up? Because she often tells me she might

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not have matched me with him because he was in Texas and I was in Florida and I was very

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stubborn about moving. And it was actually one of those non-negotiables that I thought

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was a non-negotiable that really wasn't a non-negotiable. And luckily, I released the pen.

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And as soon as I did that and was like, all right, God, you take the wheel, he dropped

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into my DMs a week later. So we can talk about non-negotiables here a little bit later.

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But I do want to go ahead and get us started. So welcome to those of you that are new.

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I'm just going to kind of go over a little bit some of our housekeeping items. I know

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many of you have probably already heard all of this, but we have new members constantly

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flowing in each week and people that are new watching this in replay. So just a reminder,

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we have five videos that we ask you only to watch one a week. All right. So today we are

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going to cover that Divine Feminine, which is actually one of my most favorite videos,

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my favorite teaching to do. So and I can tell you why here in a little bit.

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And so most of those are about an hour long. So make sure that you're taking notes

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and be considering how you're going to apply that content into your current situation

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and then share your takeaways with us from that video in the app. I also want to emphasize

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to many of you ladies not to sweat that seven date challenge every week. I see a lot of people

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freaking out seven dates. I totally get it. I was right there with you. But it really is just

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to get you started and get you open to the idea of dating. But take it at your own pace.

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You know, we do try to encourage you to try to do it within a three month time period. So you're

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not kind of sitting yourself in the waiting room the whole time. But I can't stress enough,

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don't play the comparison game. You all are going to be on different journeys.

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You all have your own stuff that God wants to work in you and through you.

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So that dating challenge will work the same way and people like to go and head first and do deep dive and get those dates going.

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Some of you were like me, I don't want to just put a toe in and test it out first and see if you like it.

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So, by all means, at your own pace, don't don't make it more stressful than it needs to be.

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All right, we definitely want you posting in phase two. It can be about all things.

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It can be about Harvard stuff that you're experiencing. It can be about your dating situation.

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What you're learning on those videos and how you're applying those things that you're learning.

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Any breakthroughs that you're having, celebrations, questions, any of that.

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I can't stress enough. Please, please, please be mindful when you're clicking that you're clicking the correct tab in the app.

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Especially when you are wanting the ask a coach tab. That's super, super important.

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The ask the coach tab really helps us make sure that we get to those questions as quickly as possible for you.

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And then when you're creating posts, we do ask or maybe even if you're commenting on other people's posts,

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we do ask that you don't create or comment with any links promoting any authors, speakers, influence, pastors, websites, anything like that.

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We simply can't take the time to vet all of those probably really cool resources.

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We just don't have the time to vet them out and make sure that they're aligning to what we teach here in last year's single.

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Also, keep in mind, I do know some of you have been toying with the video and posting your videos in our app.

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If you do so, please try to keep it under three minutes.

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If you're like me, I'm an external processor, so I totally understand the whole being able to do it on a video.

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But again, three minutes or less. The best way to do this is kind of jot down some bullet points and some notes.

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So that you kind of know what you're talking points are to kind of help you keep in that three minute range.

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OK, we definitely want you staying engaged and connecting with one another.

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So again, you can do this on post and here in the live session.

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All right. We ask that you just do not. We do not respond to any post in the ask a coach tab.

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So just be mindful of that. But any anywhere else is good.

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Just make sure that you're being encouraging and you're positive.

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Refrain from giving advice and coaching. It's really important that you also refrain from any sort of negativity just because something's not working out for you.

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Let's not bring that to some of your sisters here in the community.

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It's OK to have moments of negativity. It's OK to have moments of frustration.

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And that's when you can come here and share it with us and we can help you through that process.

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OK, because I assure you, I was in this program for over two years before I found my husband or my husband found me.

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And there were moments of frustration. There was moments of annoyance, stress, irritation.

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You know, that's what those revealings for healings are. So we know that you're going to experience it.

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So just come and share it with us. Let's not put it on other ladies post.

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OK, cool. Everybody with me. We're good. I'm trying it. I'm trying to move through this.

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I got a couple of minutes left to get through housekeeping stuff. All right.

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Again, please make sure that you come to as many of these live check ins as possible.

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This this session, like you're typically you're only going to be in here for four to five weeks in phase two.

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And it's such a short season, but it's really designed for you all to get extra support as you're stepping out into dating and coming from phase one hard work into the bigger community of phase three.

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So the best way to utilize this time in phase two is to get to these live sessions.

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OK, I assure you, you get what you put into this program. All right.

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Make it a priority. Invest in yourself. It is worth it. You will glean so much wonderful fruit and harvest from this.

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So please, please, please utilize that. And lastly, navigating the app on your phone and on your desktop, make sure that you're checking that resource and the training tabs.

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There's lots of great information in there. So before you might ask a question, go there first, because we may have content in there for you that will help answer your question.

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So I know that we have some great resources coming out. Jackie shared about the affiliate program.

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So that's under the resource tab where you can learn more information about that.

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Renee's also done a really great five minute video on how to navigate the app.

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So there's like a it's called tech.

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training. So it's literally it's five minutes and it helps kind of get some of the kinks out

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of navigating the app. We just ask that you do not send any emails about any of this stuff that's

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resources wise, okay? So we really want to try to limit some of the emails that are coming through.

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There's a lot of you and a few of us, so it's really helpful if you kind of go be resourceful

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on your own and see what you can do to navigate that. And then of course, if you have questions,

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by all means, come and share it and ask us. And us coaches are always more than willing

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to answer your questions. Cool? All right. I was just a little over. So let's go ahead and move

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into our teaching this week. I'm really trying to be diligent because like I said, I have a habit

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of kind of over-talking. So I'm trying to be really respectful of y'all's time and my time

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as well. It's like I said, I could sit here and talk for six hours, but that would not be useful

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for me. All right. So let's get into the teaching for this week. We're going to talk about the

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Divine Feminine. Again, it's one of my favorite videos. And the reason it's one of my favorite

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videos is because Jackie does such an amazing job giving us a perspective of not looking at

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the feminine and the masculine from the eyes of the curse. It's so, so easy to do that.

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And she really puts things in perspective in that video about looking at the masculine and the

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feminine with God's creation in the garden. And that's why it's so beautiful, that story

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of the creation story. Oh, it's one of my favorites and I really love learning a lot about

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it. And it's probably why it's one of my favorites. And I just find it so useful because if you're

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like me, I'm always constantly wanting to reflect on, am I acting in my divine self the way that

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God created me? All right. It's really easy for us to sometimes, you know, just be in the world

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and react and respond out of past hurts and traumas. And so it's really easy to kind of fall

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into the enemy's trap of him wanting to like, you know, direct us and, you know, put some

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diversion there with us really stepping into who God's called us to be. So I always love listening

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to it because it always helps me remember who I am and who's I am. So we're going to go over a

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little bit about the divine feminine and what those characteristics and traits are. I'm just

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going to briefly touch on those. Also like how Jackie even touches a little bit on what the dark

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feminine, that unhealthy feminine can look like when we're looking at the feminine in a cursed

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perspective, right. After the curse, like how it can, how it's, how we can operate after the fall.

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Right. So we can touch a little bit about that as well. So one thing that God, that God teaches

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us about the divine feminine is that it, the divine feminine is a nurturer. So seeing the

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potential in something or someone and planting it in a place where it can be fed and nourished

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and truly flourish. That's what, what the feminine can do. And so it's not about caretaking,

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you know, we caretake children, people that are in crisis, maybe elderly people,

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people that might not be able to take care of themselves in a certain season.

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And so we might need to do things for them. That's caretaking. Nurturing is completely

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different. It's being able to encourage people to do it for themselves. Okay. So men don't need

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mothers. All right. A lot of times, like if you're a caregiver, like, you know, many of us here might

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be moms or you might want to be a mom and you know, that will come in that season. It's not

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going to come in a season when you're dating and you're married. All right. I assure you,

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men are not attracted. Healthy men are not attracted to their mothers. All right. So it

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really is about tapping into the nurturing side, not so much the caregiving side. All right.

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Another trait of the divine feminine is counselor. All right. That's where you're just giving,

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you know, we have this Nate giving wise counsel, but it doesn't mean being a therapist.

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Especially in that dating scene. So be mindful of that. All right. If you're like me,

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who just naturally has this like teaching gift.

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And a gift of being able to kind of discern and give advice to people it's really really like you have to really be

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Mindful of how that is coming across especially in dating

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Okay, I had to do that a lot. It was just really easy for me to kind of want to you know

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Here guys like kind of talking about maybe past trauma if they kind of deep dived and got to

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Too oversharing and too deep too quick

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It was really hard for me and I had to be mindful of not putting on this teaching counseling

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caregiver hat on and really stepping into maybe just you know

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Expressing like my own wisdom of

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Situations and then also learning when guys were kind of going too far too quick and being able to reel that back in. So

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Speaking of wisdom, that's another

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characteristic of the divine feminine is being wise and intuitive the wisdom is that

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Application of knowledge and deep understanding of a subject so think intuition not suspicion

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It's practicing being God defended versus being self defended

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and so with a broken and unhealed heart this can turn into judgment and suspicion very very easily it can look picky and

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negative and many men can be very

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Sensitive to that disapproving spirit because that's really what it is when we're coming from a place of judgment and criticism and we're

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Suspicious because maybe we're taking something that's happened to us and we're thinking. Oh, well this this happened to me before so it's gonna happen again

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And anybody that acts this way or does a certain thing is gonna operate the way it was before

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So just keep that in mind

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And be on the lookout that you know

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You're using God's wisdom and God's intuition and God's discernment

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to help you navigate through dating and that it's not turning into a place of being negative and suspicious and

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Fearful because then that's when we're coming into that being self-defended and not being God dependent. Okay

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the next character trait is

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Comforter so think peace shalom

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breathability being an advocate like profound psychological and emotional peace

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I think of Isaiah 26 3 where you will keep in perfect peace

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Those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you and what speaks to me

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There is the feminine when she is directing her mind

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Into the Lord and trusting the Lord there is the supernatural perfect peace that can come over you

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and the feminine has a way of being able to influence that with other people and

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Showing people that when we're trusting the Lord there's that's where we get our peace

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Okay, so that's just it's a

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You'll use that in your marriage use that in your families

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Can't tell you how often I have to sometimes bring the peace back into my home

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Chaos when you're blended a family and you got three kids and two of them are teenagers

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So that is one of the characteristics of the divine feminine the next one is meekness

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So this is that positive moral quality of dealing with people in a kind manner with humility and consideration

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So one thing I like to keep in mind is that meekness is not weakness

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It's actually power under control

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So it's gentle. It's soft and it's vulnerable

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Which takes a lot of strength ladies. I can't tell you

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How important when you step into relationship, especially when you step into level three?

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And you know where you're exclusive with someone and you're talking about engagement and then when you step into marriage

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Vulnerability is super super important in building intimacy

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All right, not gonna be rigid. It's not gonna be cold

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All right, it takes a great strength to be able to be vulnerable and soft and gentle. Okay

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Another trait is being receptive

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So this is where we're just naturally receivers like physically and spiritually our bodies are just made

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to be receivers

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All right

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And lastly don't forget to tap in to the fun feminine side

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That God has created to you because let me tell you men do love a youthful playful spirit

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Okay, this is something that I have to work on frequently

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You know, I I could be fun

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I like being fun, but sometimes I can step into a role of just being you know

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Wife and mother and you know boss babe and needing to get things done

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that I could get serious often that I forget just to let go and have fun and

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thankfully I have a husband that is silly and goofy and just honestly he's a

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weirdo I love him for it but he does help bring that out in me which is

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awesome so some other things that Jackie talked about in the divine feminine are

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those characteristics of the dark and unhealed feminine which I think are

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super important to be mindful of and that but suspicious spirit the the

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deceptive spirit the divine not the divine the dark feminine can be

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manipulative all right that's really really important she really goes into

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detail there she even talks about how people pleasing is actually manipulation

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because you're trying to control people and liking you so you will think well

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I'm just trying to be nice no you're trying to manipulate people into liking

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you so sometimes you might use your influential piece of that divine feminine

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and it can get turned into deception and manipulation and suspicion and all that

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stuff so if you haven't watched the divine feminine just wait wait for it

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wait until it's your week to watch it really really good I think you'll get a

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lot of really great things out of it and I want to leave our talk about divine

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feminine here with one last thought of the divine feminine values herself

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because she knows she is a gift to humanity that is so key when when I

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heard Jackie share that in that video I was like wow like that's so powerful

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just to remember that you are a gift you're a gift to your husband's you're a

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gift to humanity the feminine is a gift just like the masculine is to men are

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gifts to humanity too so it's being able to tap into that and see the value

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in your feminine and being able to share that with others okay so some other

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topics I want to get into this week from things that I saw show up in the roll

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call is let's talk about how to show confidence in dating does anybody have

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any feedback on what that might look like how do you show confidence while

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you're dating I'll give you a hint here it looks like the divine feminine and

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like I just talked about remembering and believing that you are a gift so just in

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the chat what are some ways that you practice showing confidence while you're

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dating does anybody have anything

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anybody Oh Leslie yes Napa was great it was wonderful I have something to share

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I might not share it today here on the call I might share it in the app

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something that was really really powerful that spoke to me that I thought

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was gonna be really helpful to you ladies I might you remind me at the end

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of the call I will I will share it I mean if I forget then I'll post it but

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it was it was really really wonderful so Emily staying true to yourself keeping

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boundaries kindly yes yes boundaries are huge it really really is that's how you

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show confidence in who you are yes Leslie not being jealous or pushy all

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right knowing that God has someone for you and no one is gonna take your man

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from you all right that was something that I really had to tap in myself you

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know a lot of times when we are get when we get jealous or pushy or we it's

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coming from this scarcity mindset where there's not enough God must not have

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somebody for me so I got to go out and get it myself I got to go take it from

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somebody else or oh God forbid someone's gonna take it from me all right that's

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not being confident in in who God's created us to be and who he's got for us

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and trusting in him Alexis I love that yes eye contact and smiling that is one

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of the great things of being able to show your confident it's actually a

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really good way to you know tap into your divine feminine so those are all

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all really good things so ladies I want you to keep that in mind when you're

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stepping into dating is practicing showing that confidence it's so easy for

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us to sometimes get into this trap especially if you were like me where I

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struggled with my self-worth for a really long time and the heart work

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really really helped me get some breakthrough in that area but just like

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heart work like you you get breakthroughs it's heart work is like an

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onion you can only

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get so much breakthrough in your singleness that once you step into

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dating it's going to bring a whole new level of revealing and healings. So just

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keeping that in mind and recognizing when you find yourself struggling with

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a lack of confidence and maybe you're questioning your self-worth and

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how that might be showing up in your dating. So again it's just practicing

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recognizing it and then going back to those heart work tools that you learned

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in phase one. You're always going to have heart work tools there for you. There's

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always ways that God's going to come and upgrade you. He's going to help give you

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revealings for healing. So and I also want to talk a little bit about the

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differences of being God defended versus being self defended. So the best way like

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we talk a lot about non-negotiables. So when we talk about non-negotiables it

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really is asking yourself are these non-negotiables that I'm getting

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downloaded from heaven or are my non-negotiables coming from a place of

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fear. So keeping that in mind when you because ladies if you were like me I

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had this like long list of what I wanted and what I didn't want. And you know we

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talk a lot about in discovery dating you will you will start learning what you

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like what you don't like. But it's also about healthy balance of keeping an

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open mind about what like am I not gonna go on on a date with a guy because he's

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not six foot tall. But he's my husband's like five nine. Like in my 20s I liked

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the tall guys. You know when I was before heart work and before I found Jackie I

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would scroll through those apps and I had it set. I had those um what are they

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the parameters or something like on your on your like what you're looking

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for. Ladies I didn't want to be shown guys that were under six foot. Y'all I'm

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five foot three. Like what? Come on. So you know are we are we bringing these

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lists because like I was just afraid. I was and I'll tell you where this came

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from. Thank you like Holy Spirit just really hit me with this just here. A lot

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of that came from is I had this um I I had this insecurity about what I looked

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like. That I wasn't tiny enough. I wasn't small enough. So if I had this taller

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bigger guy it made me feel like I looked better. So you see how sometimes our list

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can actually it has maybe even sometimes to do with our insecurities and some

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healing that we have to do within ourselves. So those are just things to

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keep in mind okay. And I share this usually most most weeks you know I had

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these non-negotiables that I thought were from heaven. Like I was right I'm I

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was not gonna date a guy that wasn't open to having a child. Like I really

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want I thought God told me I was gonna have another baby. I had one birth baby

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right. My my youngest is is from my own womb right. I was not married to his

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father. I was you know I had had my child out of wedlock and so I wanted to do it

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right. I wanted to be married and have my own baby. So I I came across guys that

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had vasectomies and I was just like no. Then I met my husband and lo and behold

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he had a vasectomy. And he had two kids that came along with him. And so when I

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met him I had to really go to the Lord because there were some things happening

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that I'm like Lord there's there's some confirmation on this man. There's a lot

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of things that Lord I feel like you've told me about my husband and he's

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exuding a lot of those qualities. There's just a lot of super there was a

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lot of supernatural things happening when I met him. And I had to go to the I

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had to go to the Lord because I had this non-negotiable that I need to marry

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someone that was willing to have another child. And ladies my husband wasn't

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willing to have another child. And when I went to the Lord y'all God gets me so

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well. He's like girlfriend I told you you're gonna have another child and

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until you're gonna birth it. He's like you're getting more children. You're

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getting two two more children. So that was like we have you know we have to be

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willing to hold those non-negotiables loosely and and really take an

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inventory of whether or not we're building those lists or non-negotiables.

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the fear or if it really is what God's called us.

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I also had another one where I was not gonna move.

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I was living in Florida and I loved it.

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It was paradise.

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My husband was in Texas, all right?

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And so I had to really hold that loosely

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and a lot of it was just out of my own fears

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of what that would look like.

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And so God pulled the carpet out from under me

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and was like, oh honey, just be open.

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And when I did, when I finally let go of this,

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like, you know what, Lord,

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you're just gonna have to bring somebody.

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I don't care where he's from.

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And about a week later,

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after I really truly surrendered that pen,

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my husband showed up in my DMs.

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And I thought, actually I thought he lived in Florida.

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And he's like, oh no, I'm in Texas.

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I'm like, what are you talking about?

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Oh, there's my timer.

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I got a couple more points.

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So I'll move through this quickly, all right?

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Another thing, ladies,

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I want you to think about how you respond

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when you get irritated by a guy on a date.

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Ladies, it will happen.

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A lot of these guys don't have Jackie

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or other coaches that are helping them.

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All right, so there are gonna be things that they do

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that just don't really like get to you.

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You know, sometimes, yeah, they're just like,

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yeah, no, no, thank you.

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And then there's other times where God can use that

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to bring out some revealing and healing for you as well.

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All right, so keep that in mind

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when you're out there dating, okay?

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Because let me tell you, ladies,

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there's things that my husband does

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that irritate me and drive me nuts.

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Like he did something today.

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I get in the car.

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He'd used my car to go pick up the kids last night

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from youth group.

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And I had hardly any gas in my car

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and he knew I didn't have gas in my car.

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And I was struggling to find time to get to the Costco

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that's like 20 some odd minutes away,

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but it's like 40 cents cheaper, McAllen.

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And I'm such a budget, like I'm a budget stickler, all right?

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And so I kept my car this morning

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to take my sons to school.

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And I'm like, what?

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I had just, I put like a couple dollars

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in my gas tank to hold me so I could get to Costco.

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And no, my husband used that gas

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that I put in yesterday to get me by.

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And so I was irritated.

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So ladies, just know, and honestly,

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like it's funny how I was gonna teach on this

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because I really had to reflect like,

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why is that irritating to me?

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What lie am I believing about my husband or my situation?

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Or what am I trying to handle myself and not give to God?

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And so I'm really having to do some little heart,

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like little heart work on myself this morning.

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So definitely ask yourself that.

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Also ladies, as you're dating,

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I cannot encourage enough to make sure you revisit

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that Dating 101 video and the levels of dating

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because pacing really is important.

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Remember, it's a yes until it's a no.

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And just because, you know,

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we're not saying that you have to take garbage.

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You have to take men that are gonna be disrespectful

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and inappropriate with you.

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That's when it becomes a no.

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But it really is a yes until it's a no.

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It's just to allow you to be open-minded,

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to give a guy a second or a third chance.

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And then after a third date,

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if you're really just not feeling it, it's okay to say no.

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I had to do that in a guy that I dated a year before

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I met my husband.

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Ladies, I went back and forth.

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Goodness, I can't tell you.

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There was just not a lot of peace

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in that dating interaction that I had.

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But I still kept an open mind and I learned a lot

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and God showed me a lot of really great things in that.

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So again, Dating 101 is one of those first videos.

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And some of you are watching that

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and maybe you haven't started dating

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and maybe you're not gonna start dating

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until that third or fourth week into phase two.

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So it doesn't hurt to re-watch some of those videos.

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But I can't emphasize enough,

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as you step into dating,

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if you have to go and refresh and look

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and re-watch that video, it is helpful.

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I do actually think, now that I think about it,

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I do think that there is even some like PDF

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or Word documents that outline the levels of dating.

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So it doesn't hurt to pull that up as well.

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And last but not least,

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I kind of touched on this a little bit.

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I'm gonna emphasize it on again

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and then we are going to do some breakouts

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and then come back for group coaching.

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So the last thing,

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if you are finding yourself overwhelmed

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and stressed with dating,

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you will need to go to Dating 101.

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bill. All right. Like, I did it for two years, ladies, after

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So if you are finding yourself overwhelmed

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and stressed with dating,

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after the frontman. I mean, I did it for many years before.

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you will need to go to Dating 101.

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Right. I did it before heartwork. And it was stressful,

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right. And I was not doing the greatest, you know, I wasn't

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making the greatest choices in my dating, you know, thankfully,

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heartwork came along, Jackie's program came along, and I

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learned a lot of stuff. I still did things incorrectly after

427
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heartwork. And after Jackie's program, right, there were still

428
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moments of stress and overwhelming, especially when

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you get on online dating, and we'll talk about online dating

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next week. Um, so that's key, like when you find yourself

431
00:35:39.800 --> 00:35:44.880
there, reflect on surrendering that pen back to God. You know,

432
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:49.480
it's okay to press pause, if you need a little bit more time to

433
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:52.800
remember the heart, you know, in the dating process. So you need

434
00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:56.080
to press pause for a little bit, that's fine. We don't want you

435
00:35:56.080 --> 00:35:59.700
to stay stuck on pause. So if you need to press pause, because

436
00:35:59.700 --> 00:36:05.620
it's just getting too much too quickly. Just pause it, reflect,

437
00:36:05.660 --> 00:36:09.260
surrender that pen back to God. Remember that heartwork is like

438
00:36:09.260 --> 00:36:12.580
an onion. I said this before, dating is going to add another

439
00:36:12.580 --> 00:36:17.260
layer to your healing. Jackie often says, if you are hurt in

440
00:36:17.260 --> 00:36:20.940
relationship, you're going to be healed in relationship. You know,

441
00:36:20.940 --> 00:36:26.220
you can only heal for so so far single, that dating and

442
00:36:26.220 --> 00:36:30.000
relationship and ladies, even marriage is going to add a whole

443
00:36:30.180 --> 00:36:34.280
another layer of healing. So trusting God with the process

444
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:37.400
and utilize this community to help you unpack those

445
00:36:37.400 --> 00:36:41.040
revealings for healing. That is what we are here for. Because

446
00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:46.400
the revealings and healings will come. And we got you back. God's

447
00:36:46.420 --> 00:36:52.820
got your back. And we're here to support you and help you. Remember

448
00:36:52.820 --> 00:36:58.820
God's got your back. Okay. So now let's get out into our

449
00:36:58.820 --> 00:37:04.580
breakout. So we're going to kind of touch on the divine feminine.

450
00:37:04.580 --> 00:37:07.820
So my questions are going to come from there. Just real

451
00:37:07.820 --> 00:37:12.440
quick. I want to see how many I've got on with me today. Is

452
00:37:12.440 --> 00:37:15.620
there anybody that is at work and is not going to be able to

453
00:37:15.620 --> 00:37:20.240
unmute and have some dialogue with some of your sisters here

454
00:37:20.240 --> 00:37:23.720
in community? Because I'm gonna give you two questions today.

455
00:37:24.260 --> 00:37:29.180
And I want you ladies to take about 90 seconds per question.

456
00:37:30.740 --> 00:37:33.800
And everybody answer and then move on to the second question

457
00:37:33.840 --> 00:37:38.760
and give yourself 90 seconds. Okay, so Laurel is not going to

458
00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:41.660
be able to dialogue. Okay. So I think what I'm going to do is

459
00:37:41.660 --> 00:37:45.480
I'm going to try to put three of you in a group so that

460
00:37:45.480 --> 00:37:50.640
if someone is not available, there's at least still two people in

461
00:37:50.640 --> 00:37:57.760
there being able to respond. So I'm going to try to put these

462
00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:02.960
questions in the chat so that you have them. Do this real

463
00:38:02.960 --> 00:38:15.540
quick. Copy and paste. Okay, so the first question is going to

464
00:38:15.540 --> 00:38:18.460
be what trait of the divine feminine have you leaned on the

465
00:38:18.460 --> 00:38:28.300
most? And how has it been good for you? And then I want you for

466
00:38:28.300 --> 00:38:30.780
the second question after you share that then I want you

467
00:38:30.780 --> 00:38:36.200
ladies to go back to that same trait and reflect on maybe how it

468
00:38:36.200 --> 00:38:43.000
has not been good with an unhealed heart. I was going to

469
00:38:43.000 --> 00:38:46.680
give you two I'm actually going to make it three questions. And

470
00:38:46.680 --> 00:38:52.600
then the third one is what trait do you do you want to lean into

471
00:38:52.600 --> 00:38:56.440
more this week? So the first question is what trait of the

472
00:38:56.440 --> 00:38:59.240
divine feminine have you leaned on the most and how has it been

473
00:38:59.300 --> 00:39:03.380
good? So answer that in your group. Then I want you ladies to

474
00:39:03.380 --> 00:39:07.700
share about how it's not been good with an unhealed heart. And

475
00:39:07.700 --> 00:39:14.580
then when y'all answered that, then the third question is, of

476
00:39:14.580 --> 00:39:19.580
those traits that we listed earlier, what do you want to

477
00:39:19.580 --> 00:39:28.860
lean on into a little bit more this week? Okay. Any questions

478
00:39:28.880 --> 00:39:33.240
before I set up these groups? You can unmute if you have a

479
00:39:33.240 --> 00:39:44.200
quick question about the breakout. Okay, let's see. All

480
00:39:44.200 --> 00:39:49.160
right, I'm going to do two to three participants per room. If

481
00:39:49.200 --> 00:39:53.360
Laurel if I if I will look out to make sure that you are in a

482
00:39:53.360 --> 00:39:58.400
room with three and then if you are in a room with two and

483
00:39:58.400 --> 00:40:00.100
Laurel is your other person.

484
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.480
and just be patient with me

485
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:05.160
and I will move you into another room.

486
00:40:05.160 --> 00:40:06.000
Cool?

487
00:40:08.120 --> 00:40:08.960
All right.

488
00:40:10.200 --> 00:40:12.960
Go ahead and jump in.

489
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:15.960
I'll give you all probably about 10 to 12 minutes.

490
00:40:27.120 --> 00:40:29.160
Okay, perfect.

491
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:35.000
All right, welcome back from your breakouts.

492
00:40:38.520 --> 00:40:41.120
So now I'm gonna open the floor up to you ladies

493
00:40:41.120 --> 00:40:45.800
to come and share your questions

494
00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:47.680
and your questions can be about all things.

495
00:40:47.680 --> 00:40:50.040
It can be about a dating situation

496
00:40:50.040 --> 00:40:51.280
that you're finding yourself in.

497
00:40:51.280 --> 00:40:52.880
It could be maybe it's something about

498
00:40:52.880 --> 00:40:56.520
what you posted in Roll Call or in an Ask a Coach.

499
00:40:56.520 --> 00:40:59.200
Oftentimes when there's a lot of stuff

500
00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:02.400
I will encourage you ladies to come

501
00:41:02.400 --> 00:41:04.200
so we can kind of dialogue back and forth.

502
00:41:04.200 --> 00:41:07.000
Sometimes it's just helpful to talk through it

503
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:08.800
like I think I shared earlier.

504
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:10.280
I'm an external processor

505
00:41:10.280 --> 00:41:13.400
so sometimes I like the back and forth

506
00:41:13.400 --> 00:41:15.920
and then also it helps us coaches

507
00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:18.040
to be able to ask more questions

508
00:41:18.040 --> 00:41:19.800
and kind of get more detail out

509
00:41:19.800 --> 00:41:22.120
because sometimes it's hard to just type

510
00:41:22.120 --> 00:41:24.960
all the details in there, right?

511
00:41:26.200 --> 00:41:28.920
So I'm gonna open the floor up to you all.

512
00:41:28.920 --> 00:41:31.360
Questions that maybe you had through the week,

513
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:33.160
breakthroughs that you're having.

514
00:41:33.160 --> 00:41:34.600
Maybe you have a question

515
00:41:34.600 --> 00:41:37.760
or you're confused by something in the teaching today.

516
00:41:37.760 --> 00:41:41.120
Maybe it's a question that you have in one of the videos.

517
00:41:41.120 --> 00:41:43.600
Maybe you just wanna share some things

518
00:41:43.600 --> 00:41:47.120
that God's doing through this program with you.

519
00:41:47.120 --> 00:41:49.200
So I'm gonna leave it up to you.

520
00:41:49.200 --> 00:41:53.360
I've got Sarah, Leslie and then Alexis that have questions.

521
00:41:53.360 --> 00:41:55.360
So I'm gonna let y'all have the floor first.

522
00:41:55.360 --> 00:41:56.960
I'm gonna go in that order

523
00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:59.960
and then I've got another one here.

524
00:41:59.960 --> 00:42:02.480
It looks like Emily and Elizabeth, so good.

525
00:42:02.480 --> 00:42:03.720
Y'all, I'm excited.

526
00:42:03.720 --> 00:42:06.000
This is the first time I feel like we've had

527
00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:09.200
so many more people on this one o'clock

528
00:42:09.200 --> 00:42:12.560
and more people like willing to open up and share.

529
00:42:12.560 --> 00:42:16.440
So because of that and I wanna keep mindful of the time,

530
00:42:16.440 --> 00:42:19.040
if you have more than one question,

531
00:42:19.040 --> 00:42:21.000
just start off with one

532
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:23.120
and then we're gonna cycle through everybody

533
00:42:23.120 --> 00:42:26.840
and then at the end, I will stay on a little longer

534
00:42:27.720 --> 00:42:29.960
if you have a second or a third question, okay?

535
00:42:29.960 --> 00:42:32.080
But then that way, for those of you

536
00:42:32.080 --> 00:42:34.600
that can't stay on super, super long,

537
00:42:34.600 --> 00:42:36.440
you still get at least some of it.

538
00:42:36.440 --> 00:42:38.120
Again, this is being recorded.

539
00:42:38.120 --> 00:42:40.880
We'll probably use this one for the replay

540
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:42.800
so you can always catch up at the end

541
00:42:42.800 --> 00:42:44.120
if you have to cut out early.

542
00:42:44.120 --> 00:42:46.600
So just know that's totally fine.

543
00:42:48.040 --> 00:42:49.360
I know we're in the middle of a workday.

544
00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:52.520
Like, so sometimes that gets a little challenging.

545
00:42:52.520 --> 00:42:55.880
So, all right, Sarah, I'm gonna leave it to you.

546
00:42:55.880 --> 00:42:57.520
Then we'll go to Leslie, Alexis,

547
00:42:57.520 --> 00:43:00.320
and then Emily, and then Elizabeth, okay?

548
00:43:01.160 --> 00:43:02.400
Okay, awesome.

549
00:43:02.400 --> 00:43:03.480
Hey, Carla.

550
00:43:03.480 --> 00:43:05.000
Hey, how are you?

551
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:05.840
I'm good.

552
00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:08.960
I have a little bit of fear sharing this

553
00:43:08.960 --> 00:43:10.680
on a recorded thing

554
00:43:10.680 --> 00:43:13.440
because I do need to process some confession as well.

555
00:43:14.560 --> 00:43:15.880
So I've been-

556
00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:17.320
No, this is a safe place.

557
00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:18.160
Okay.

558
00:43:18.160 --> 00:43:19.400
Yes, these are recorded,

559
00:43:19.400 --> 00:43:22.160
but they are only in our phase two group.

560
00:43:22.160 --> 00:43:23.120
Okay.

561
00:43:23.120 --> 00:43:26.040
And we really do guard that.

562
00:43:26.040 --> 00:43:26.880
Okay.

563
00:43:26.880 --> 00:43:29.480
And we're always like, that is so important.

564
00:43:29.480 --> 00:43:30.640
So just know you're-

565
00:43:30.640 --> 00:43:32.040
Perfect.

566
00:43:32.040 --> 00:43:33.200
You got this, girl.

567
00:43:33.200 --> 00:43:34.040
Yeah.

568
00:43:34.040 --> 00:43:35.480
And I can be an oversharer.

569
00:43:35.480 --> 00:43:36.800
So I'm just gonna like trust God

570
00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:38.320
with whatever I'm sharing and-

571
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:39.160
You got it.

572
00:43:39.160 --> 00:43:40.000
Whatever.

573
00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:41.760
So I've actually been in phase two

574
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:44.120
since the middle of June.

575
00:43:44.120 --> 00:43:45.840
I kind of got in the shuffle

576
00:43:45.840 --> 00:43:49.600
of like switching over to the app on like July 30th.

577
00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:52.680
And then I'm kind of finished with the phase two material,

578
00:43:52.680 --> 00:43:54.440
but I really enjoy the coaching and stuff.

579
00:43:54.440 --> 00:43:56.960
And so I've emailed about getting switched to phase three,

580
00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:59.040
but I'm okay for now

581
00:43:59.040 --> 00:44:01.160
because I have been seeing someone.

582
00:44:01.160 --> 00:44:03.160
So it's not like I'm like, you know,

583
00:44:03.160 --> 00:44:05.480
itching to meet the guys in phase three or whatever.

584
00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:08.640
So that's part of my question is like,

585
00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:10.240
I'm not sure how to get to phase three,

586
00:44:10.240 --> 00:44:12.880
but I'm also kind of trusting God with that.

587
00:44:14.240 --> 00:44:16.280
So, and that's a good thing to bring up

588
00:44:16.280 --> 00:44:18.200
because I see it all the time.

589
00:44:18.200 --> 00:44:22.040
And because we're transitioning from Facebook to the app,

590
00:44:22.040 --> 00:44:25.120
right now, currently, when you ladies are,

591
00:44:25.120 --> 00:44:27.480
when you ladies have been in the program,

592
00:44:27.480 --> 00:44:29.840
program, not the program, in phase two,

593
00:44:29.840 --> 00:44:31.120
for four to five weeks,

594
00:44:31.120 --> 00:44:33.080
you've watched one video a week.

595
00:44:33.080 --> 00:44:35.480
You've gotten through all those five videos.

596
00:44:35.480 --> 00:44:38.280
You've come to live Tuesday check-ins

597
00:44:39.200 --> 00:44:41.560
and you've done your time in here.

598
00:44:41.560 --> 00:44:45.000
You can email admin at JackieDorman.com

599
00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:48.400
and request to be moved over to phase three.

600
00:44:48.400 --> 00:44:51.960
Right now we're doing that manually down the road

601
00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:54.520
for all the ladies that'll be coming in later.

602
00:44:54.520 --> 00:44:56.640
It will just naturally happen.

603
00:44:56.640 --> 00:44:59.560
We'll naturally kind of progress people through.

604
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.000
But for now, just email and then hold tight

605
00:45:05.560 --> 00:45:10.560
and admin and leaders will get you into that phase, okay?

606
00:45:11.320 --> 00:45:12.800
So that's not my real question.

607
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:13.620
I gotcha.

608
00:45:13.620 --> 00:45:14.460
I was just kind of putting it out there

609
00:45:14.460 --> 00:45:16.480
making sure I was on the right page.

610
00:45:16.480 --> 00:45:18.180
So thank you for clarifying that.

611
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:22.640
So I guess that also builds up part of my question.

612
00:45:22.640 --> 00:45:27.640
So I've been seeing this man since the 4th of July.

613
00:45:28.040 --> 00:45:30.180
So it's been about two months.

614
00:45:31.240 --> 00:45:34.080
And I went on a mission trip to Israel in July

615
00:45:34.080 --> 00:45:36.280
for two weeks and I didn't have peace

616
00:45:36.280 --> 00:45:39.320
about getting back on the apps until I got back from Israel.

617
00:45:39.320 --> 00:45:41.520
And then by that time I had gotten to know this guy

618
00:45:41.520 --> 00:45:42.800
well enough that I was like,

619
00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:45.240
I'm okay not seeing anybody else at the moment.

620
00:45:45.240 --> 00:45:48.440
So we're not officially in level three,

621
00:45:50.160 --> 00:45:52.480
but neither of us is dating anyone else.

622
00:45:52.480 --> 00:45:56.640
So we're kind of in a default exclusive relationship.

623
00:45:56.640 --> 00:46:00.800
And it also very much feels like we're in a relationship.

624
00:46:00.800 --> 00:46:03.340
So it's almost like we haven't defined it,

625
00:46:03.340 --> 00:46:05.740
but it feels like we're there.

626
00:46:07.700 --> 00:46:09.480
I'm trying to be short, brief and powerful here

627
00:46:09.480 --> 00:46:11.120
and I can tend to go long.

628
00:46:11.120 --> 00:46:15.040
So I feel like a lot of this was a Holy Spirit set up.

629
00:46:15.040 --> 00:46:17.500
Like I met him randomly at my parents' church.

630
00:46:17.500 --> 00:46:19.780
I had had a sozo the day before.

631
00:46:19.780 --> 00:46:23.760
It was like two weeks after I got out of phase one heartwork

632
00:46:23.760 --> 00:46:25.760
and like God's been doing a lot in me

633
00:46:25.800 --> 00:46:28.320
and there's like prophetic dreams

634
00:46:28.320 --> 00:46:30.160
and also like old prophetic words

635
00:46:30.160 --> 00:46:31.440
about who my husband would be.

636
00:46:31.440 --> 00:46:33.720
Then I'm like, this feels like God.

637
00:46:33.720 --> 00:46:34.560
And like-

638
00:46:34.560 --> 00:46:35.400
Supernatural.

639
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:37.200
He's a deeply spiritual person

640
00:46:37.200 --> 00:46:40.600
and like ridiculously attractive,

641
00:46:40.600 --> 00:46:42.000
like unreasonably attractive.

642
00:46:42.000 --> 00:46:45.120
Like I'm in trouble with how attractive he is.

643
00:46:45.120 --> 00:46:46.260
So I'm so excited.

644
00:46:46.260 --> 00:46:48.840
Like, and like two weeks before I met him,

645
00:46:48.840 --> 00:46:51.280
I had an encounter with God where I felt like God told me,

646
00:46:51.280 --> 00:46:52.800
hey, there's someone I want you to meet.

647
00:46:52.800 --> 00:46:54.600
And I was like, is he hot?

648
00:46:54.600 --> 00:46:55.560
And does he live near me?

649
00:46:56.400 --> 00:46:59.520
I was just like joking with God and he chuckled

650
00:46:59.520 --> 00:47:01.200
and sure enough, like I was like, okay,

651
00:47:01.200 --> 00:47:03.600
well, if this is the one, then we'll see.

652
00:47:03.600 --> 00:47:06.360
So, and he lives close.

653
00:47:06.360 --> 00:47:07.800
So thankfully it's not long distance,

654
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:09.360
but he's from South Africa.

655
00:47:09.360 --> 00:47:11.000
He's here in the US.

656
00:47:11.000 --> 00:47:13.080
He's been here in the US for seven years.

657
00:47:13.960 --> 00:47:16.040
He has a green card.

658
00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:22.580
He does ministry and like missions and things like that,

659
00:47:22.620 --> 00:47:25.980
but he has been in a dark night of the soul.

660
00:47:25.980 --> 00:47:28.860
So there's this element of our relationship

661
00:47:28.860 --> 00:47:33.820
where he feels like I'm a tall drink of water

662
00:47:33.820 --> 00:47:35.060
in a desert wasteland.

663
00:47:35.060 --> 00:47:39.780
Like there's a sense of like he experienced some betrayal

664
00:47:39.780 --> 00:47:41.700
with a church that he was ministering at.

665
00:47:41.700 --> 00:47:44.800
And so he's just felt really lonely in these past seasons,

666
00:47:44.800 --> 00:47:46.660
especially in the pandemic and stuff.

667
00:47:48.020 --> 00:47:50.540
And so there's a part of me that's really careful

668
00:47:50.540 --> 00:47:51.380
because I don't want to get

669
00:47:51.380 --> 00:47:53.540
into like emotional love tank filling,

670
00:47:53.540 --> 00:47:54.620
but at the same time,

671
00:47:54.620 --> 00:47:57.380
like I feel like there's this mutual attraction

672
00:47:57.380 --> 00:48:00.180
where I don't feel like he's using me at all,

673
00:48:00.180 --> 00:48:04.100
but he doesn't know when he's going back to South Africa,

674
00:48:04.100 --> 00:48:06.140
but he feels like the Lord's told him

675
00:48:06.140 --> 00:48:08.180
that he's going back to South Africa at some point.

676
00:48:08.180 --> 00:48:13.180
So it's like, he's afraid I think to commit just yet

677
00:48:13.660 --> 00:48:15.340
until he hears from the Lord

678
00:48:15.340 --> 00:48:17.480
about whether or not to move forward with me

679
00:48:17.480 --> 00:48:19.120
or whether or not to move to South Africa.

680
00:48:19.120 --> 00:48:21.160
So there's a part of me that's like, okay,

681
00:48:21.160 --> 00:48:22.480
I'm tethered to his heart.

682
00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:24.580
Have you all discussed, I mean,

683
00:48:24.580 --> 00:48:28.600
cause now, I mean, I see why maybe he's not,

684
00:48:28.600 --> 00:48:31.080
cause again, ladies, I will say this,

685
00:48:31.080 --> 00:48:36.040
we do encourage men to lead that exclusivity conversation,

686
00:48:36.040 --> 00:48:38.520
that going from phase two, not phase,

687
00:48:38.520 --> 00:48:41.480
I always say this, level two to level three,

688
00:48:41.480 --> 00:48:44.520
we do encourage that you ladies like let those men,

689
00:48:44.520 --> 00:48:46.520
let the men lead that.

690
00:48:46.520 --> 00:48:48.440
So I can kind of see and understand

691
00:48:48.440 --> 00:48:50.320
maybe why that hasn't happened

692
00:48:50.320 --> 00:48:53.600
if he is a little guarded and unsure,

693
00:48:53.600 --> 00:48:58.600
but I'm curious when he's shared this with you,

694
00:48:58.680 --> 00:49:01.260
that he feels that the Lord is calling him back

695
00:49:01.260 --> 00:49:03.880
to South Africa at some point, just not sure,

696
00:49:03.880 --> 00:49:06.240
I'm guessing he doesn't know when,

697
00:49:06.240 --> 00:49:08.760
is he asking for input?

698
00:49:08.760 --> 00:49:10.160
Are you sharing input?

699
00:49:10.160 --> 00:49:12.420
Have you prayed and thought about,

700
00:49:12.420 --> 00:49:17.420
are you open and willing if God wants you to move?

701
00:49:18.720 --> 00:49:19.560
Yeah.

702
00:49:19.560 --> 00:49:23.760
Yes, so what are you hearing from God when you're,

703
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:26.200
and how are you responding to this gentleman?

704
00:49:26.200 --> 00:49:31.200
Right, so when I prayed about it before,

705
00:49:32.200 --> 00:49:33.880
like knowing that he's from South Africa

706
00:49:33.880 --> 00:49:38.760
and there's a potential for kind of having a foot

707
00:49:38.760 --> 00:49:43.080
in both worlds, because of the way that God led me

708
00:49:43.080 --> 00:49:47.240
on the Israel trip, God has recently reignited a desire

709
00:49:47.240 --> 00:49:49.560
and passion for missions internationally.

710
00:49:49.560 --> 00:49:52.040
I also feel like I have some words on my life

711
00:49:52.040 --> 00:49:55.800
about healing ministry, like prophetic words from college

712
00:49:55.800 --> 00:49:58.520
that like, I'm like, I've never met somebody

713
00:49:58.520 --> 00:50:00.200
who seems to have this.

714
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.840
same like God-sized dream and vision for ministry in life

715
00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:06.680
that is bigger and beyond anything

716
00:50:06.680 --> 00:50:09.320
that I could potentially ask or imagine.

717
00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:12.780
So this feels like such a God-sized possibility

718
00:50:12.780 --> 00:50:14.480
that it's almost like, God,

719
00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:16.880
I don't want this to be too good to be true, right?

720
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:19.840
And I know his character is not to dangle a carrot.

721
00:50:19.840 --> 00:50:24.380
And so he asked me even early on, he's like,

722
00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:27.880
if God calls me to move to South Africa,

723
00:50:27.880 --> 00:50:29.480
would you be willing to move to South Africa?

724
00:50:29.480 --> 00:50:34.480
And I was like, yes, like God's given me this supernatural,

725
00:50:35.120 --> 00:50:37.800
like last year I was dating somebody in Savannah

726
00:50:37.800 --> 00:50:40.360
and I was like, no, I wanna stay in Baton Rouge.

727
00:50:40.360 --> 00:50:43.640
And now I'm like, God, how am I saying yes

728
00:50:43.640 --> 00:50:45.200
to potentially moving to South Africa?

729
00:50:45.200 --> 00:50:46.720
Cause I feel like it's more aligned

730
00:50:46.720 --> 00:50:49.000
with like God's purpose for my life potential.

731
00:50:49.000 --> 00:50:51.280
Yeah, it's that destiny DNA.

732
00:50:51.280 --> 00:50:56.280
I don't know if Jackie talks a lot about that as well.

733
00:50:56.280 --> 00:51:01.280
So I mean, like, I like that you're saying like in the,

734
00:51:02.320 --> 00:51:05.240
like before you were like, someone was in Savannah,

735
00:51:05.240 --> 00:51:06.080
you're in Baton Rouge

736
00:51:06.080 --> 00:51:07.920
and you just didn't feel like you were called to that.

737
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:09.720
And then things shifted and changed

738
00:51:09.720 --> 00:51:12.440
because supernaturally things can shift.

739
00:51:12.440 --> 00:51:13.880
That was a while ago.

740
00:51:13.880 --> 00:51:16.200
Kind of like how I was like, I'm not moving to Texas.

741
00:51:16.200 --> 00:51:17.240
That's just not gonna be a thing.

742
00:51:17.240 --> 00:51:18.680
I'm not moving out of Florida.

743
00:51:18.680 --> 00:51:19.980
I didn't even know it was gonna be Texas.

744
00:51:19.980 --> 00:51:21.640
I just wasn't gonna move.

745
00:51:21.640 --> 00:51:26.080
And then when God started supernaturally working things out

746
00:51:26.920 --> 00:51:29.600
and opening doors and prophetic words

747
00:51:29.600 --> 00:51:31.620
were starting to get confirmed,

748
00:51:31.620 --> 00:51:36.620
there will come a peace with those decisions.

749
00:51:36.680 --> 00:51:41.680
So I would encourage you to press in and ask the Lord

750
00:51:43.040 --> 00:51:45.960
for his perfect peace in this situation.

751
00:51:45.960 --> 00:51:47.600
Yeah, yeah.

752
00:51:47.600 --> 00:51:48.600
Give it.

753
00:51:48.600 --> 00:51:49.440
For sure.

754
00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:54.440
If you, you know, and with, you know,

755
00:51:54.880 --> 00:51:57.900
defining the relationship, I mean,

756
00:51:59.080 --> 00:52:02.320
again, we do encourage the men to lead that.

757
00:52:02.320 --> 00:52:06.520
But again, if you're pressing in and leaning into God

758
00:52:06.520 --> 00:52:09.920
and it sounds like this man is very much in tune

759
00:52:09.920 --> 00:52:12.740
with Holy Spirit and he's doing it,

760
00:52:12.740 --> 00:52:15.200
there's no rush on the timing.

761
00:52:15.200 --> 00:52:16.200
Yeah.

762
00:52:16.200 --> 00:52:19.520
God's timing, ladies, is so good.

763
00:52:19.520 --> 00:52:20.440
It's so perfect.

764
00:52:21.400 --> 00:52:25.640
All we have to do is be willing to step into

765
00:52:25.640 --> 00:52:27.840
what God is asking our next step to be.

766
00:52:27.840 --> 00:52:29.160
Just show up today.

767
00:52:29.160 --> 00:52:31.880
What is God wanting you to do today?

768
00:52:31.880 --> 00:52:34.520
Let God work out all of those details.

769
00:52:34.520 --> 00:52:37.540
And I say that and just, I can, you know,

770
00:52:37.540 --> 00:52:39.240
share a little bit of my own testimony.

771
00:52:39.240 --> 00:52:40.760
It's not so much in the whole, like,

772
00:52:40.760 --> 00:52:43.720
realm of ministry and missions and things like that.

773
00:52:43.720 --> 00:52:45.900
But I was a single mama.

774
00:52:46.860 --> 00:52:50.380
I, my son's dad lived about 30, 40 minutes away

775
00:52:50.380 --> 00:52:52.180
from where I was living.

776
00:52:52.180 --> 00:52:55.700
My son went to see him once every two weeks.

777
00:52:55.700 --> 00:52:58.260
So he was involved in my son's life.

778
00:52:59.180 --> 00:53:03.860
And when I met my husband and things just happened

779
00:53:03.860 --> 00:53:06.540
super naturally, like there was an exhilaration on it.

780
00:53:06.540 --> 00:53:07.740
It was almost to the point where I was like,

781
00:53:07.740 --> 00:53:10.180
I don't know if I should be going this fast.

782
00:53:12.300 --> 00:53:14.840
But it just naturally started happening.

783
00:53:14.840 --> 00:53:19.240
My son's dad called me on, after our third date

784
00:53:20.440 --> 00:53:22.600
and told me he was leaving Florida.

785
00:53:22.600 --> 00:53:24.040
He was moving out of Florida.

786
00:53:24.040 --> 00:53:25.720
I didn't have to do any of that.

787
00:53:25.720 --> 00:53:28.000
I did not have to control that.

788
00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:31.000
I didn't have to try to manipulate

789
00:53:31.000 --> 00:53:34.200
or do any of that stuff to, you know,

790
00:53:34.200 --> 00:53:37.960
God just already was like, I've got this.

791
00:53:37.960 --> 00:53:42.700
Let me lead this supernatural relationship.

792
00:53:42.700 --> 00:53:46.840
Let me show you that I've already got it taken care of.

793
00:53:46.840 --> 00:53:51.840
So I would just encourage you to lean on his perfect peace.

794
00:53:53.740 --> 00:53:58.740
And just, you know, that's what I'm feeling

795
00:53:58.820 --> 00:54:01.060
really strongly to encourage you with.

796
00:54:01.060 --> 00:54:04.500
Yeah, and I think there's already been

797
00:54:04.500 --> 00:54:05.740
that supernatural peace.

798
00:54:05.740 --> 00:54:09.220
Like my mom has even noticed, she's like,

799
00:54:09.220 --> 00:54:11.800
you're behaving differently in this situation

800
00:54:11.800 --> 00:54:13.760
than you have in past relationships,

801
00:54:13.760 --> 00:54:17.560
which is also a testament to the heartwork and all of that.

802
00:54:17.560 --> 00:54:22.560
And so the other little like confession part

803
00:54:24.400 --> 00:54:28.200
is he kissed me last week and we went beyond kissing

804
00:54:28.200 --> 00:54:30.680
and I'm like, oh Lord, what do we do now?

805
00:54:30.680 --> 00:54:33.120
Cause like he actually became a Christian in 2010,

806
00:54:33.120 --> 00:54:35.480
but hasn't dated in Christian context.

807
00:54:35.480 --> 00:54:37.520
And he's like, he and I are both like

808
00:54:37.520 --> 00:54:39.480
high sex drive kind of people.

809
00:54:39.480 --> 00:54:43.120
And so, okay, God, like we got to back this up

810
00:54:43.120 --> 00:54:46.240
and like keep the fire in the fireplace.

811
00:54:46.240 --> 00:54:47.320
This changes things now, okay?

812
00:54:47.320 --> 00:54:49.960
So if you have gotten some form of physical

813
00:54:52.240 --> 00:54:57.200
and you're kissing, that level three is already there.

814
00:54:57.200 --> 00:54:58.360
Agreed, yeah.

815
00:54:58.360 --> 00:54:59.920
So at this point,

816
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.000
Now it's time to have that conversation.

817
00:55:03.000 --> 00:55:03.840
Okay.

818
00:55:07.680 --> 00:55:11.000
Yeah, have that conversation.

819
00:55:11.000 --> 00:55:13.000
I mean, we do, we really encourage like,

820
00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:18.840
when you're in level two dating, kissing to me,

821
00:55:20.720 --> 00:55:23.040
keeping that as off limits as possible

822
00:55:23.040 --> 00:55:24.440
and waiting until you're exclusive

823
00:55:24.440 --> 00:55:26.360
because it will just cloud things.

824
00:55:26.360 --> 00:55:27.200
Yeah.

825
00:55:27.200 --> 00:55:28.440
And once you've already kind of crossed that line,

826
00:55:28.440 --> 00:55:30.920
it's really, there's no going back to that.

827
00:55:30.920 --> 00:55:31.760
Right.

828
00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:33.800
So again, at that point,

829
00:55:33.800 --> 00:55:36.680
I feel like you all can have that conversation.

830
00:55:36.680 --> 00:55:41.680
Now, let me caution you with the physical.

831
00:55:44.120 --> 00:55:47.160
How, can I ask how far it went?

832
00:55:47.160 --> 00:55:50.360
Yeah, it went to oral sex on the receiving end.

833
00:55:51.320 --> 00:55:52.920
So.

834
00:55:52.920 --> 00:55:53.760
Okay.

835
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:56.040
But I'm like, I have to keep my clothes on.

836
00:55:56.040 --> 00:55:57.400
Like, we can't do this anymore.

837
00:55:57.400 --> 00:56:01.800
The first time, so he kissed me last Monday

838
00:56:01.800 --> 00:56:04.040
and then we hung out again on Friday,

839
00:56:04.040 --> 00:56:05.800
but he was like, we can't kiss again.

840
00:56:05.800 --> 00:56:06.720
Like, we can't do this.

841
00:56:06.720 --> 00:56:09.720
But then like, things started really slow

842
00:56:09.720 --> 00:56:11.880
and then like ramped up and it's like,

843
00:56:11.880 --> 00:56:14.600
oh, like we can't do this again, you know?

844
00:56:14.600 --> 00:56:17.160
And so like, we both like apologized

845
00:56:17.160 --> 00:56:18.640
and like, that's not like my,

846
00:56:18.640 --> 00:56:21.560
I let my body lead and I need my spirit to lead.

847
00:56:21.560 --> 00:56:24.600
And so like, there's very much a like agreement,

848
00:56:24.600 --> 00:56:26.920
like he's not pushing me, but it was like,

849
00:56:26.920 --> 00:56:30.640
oh, I just let, I said yes in the moment

850
00:56:30.640 --> 00:56:32.960
when like, that shouldn't even be on the table.

851
00:56:32.960 --> 00:56:34.840
So he's like, the next time I saw him,

852
00:56:34.840 --> 00:56:36.160
he's like, I'm gonna kiss you on the cheek

853
00:56:36.160 --> 00:56:38.120
and I'm gonna give you a hug and then I'm gonna say bye.

854
00:56:38.120 --> 00:56:41.360
So it was like, we're just like being really careful now.

855
00:56:41.360 --> 00:56:42.200
And so.

856
00:56:42.200 --> 00:56:43.520
Yeah, ladies, cause here's the thing.

857
00:56:43.520 --> 00:56:45.720
And there's no shame in any of that.

858
00:56:45.720 --> 00:56:49.920
Cause ladies, let me tell you, when you are,

859
00:56:49.920 --> 00:56:51.640
when you're dating and especially

860
00:56:51.640 --> 00:56:53.720
when you do find your spirit mate,

861
00:56:53.800 --> 00:56:57.280
I mean, your body's gonna wanna get in on the party.

862
00:56:57.280 --> 00:57:01.360
Like ladies, sex was created for us.

863
00:57:02.480 --> 00:57:04.000
It's good, all right?

864
00:57:04.000 --> 00:57:07.000
It's good when it's good, when it's, you know,

865
00:57:07.000 --> 00:57:11.440
in that, you know, what God's divine purpose is, okay?

866
00:57:11.440 --> 00:57:14.960
And you know, we all have moments of falling short.

867
00:57:14.960 --> 00:57:19.960
So it don't feel shame and guilt when the desire comes.

868
00:57:20.320 --> 00:57:22.480
The desire comes, okay?

869
00:57:22.480 --> 00:57:26.360
I can't tell you, like ladies, it happens, right?

870
00:57:26.360 --> 00:57:28.280
I confess the fact that like,

871
00:57:28.280 --> 00:57:31.200
I had a child out of wedlock, all right?

872
00:57:31.200 --> 00:57:34.080
So we all have some skeletons.

873
00:57:34.080 --> 00:57:35.600
We all had things that, you know,

874
00:57:35.600 --> 00:57:37.880
God has to work in us and through us.

875
00:57:37.880 --> 00:57:41.160
I had a very strong conviction after I had my son

876
00:57:41.160 --> 00:57:42.840
to hold it for marriage.

877
00:57:42.840 --> 00:57:44.440
And then I met my husband and yes,

878
00:57:44.440 --> 00:57:48.920
it was very challenging to withhold

879
00:57:48.920 --> 00:57:53.600
because I hadn't had that kind of physical contact

880
00:57:53.600 --> 00:57:54.600
in eight years.

881
00:57:54.600 --> 00:57:58.200
My son was seven when I met my husband

882
00:57:58.200 --> 00:58:00.960
and my son's dad left me at seven months pregnant.

883
00:58:00.960 --> 00:58:05.840
So, I mean, we weren't being physical for even before that.

884
00:58:05.840 --> 00:58:07.840
And so it had been a really long time.

885
00:58:07.840 --> 00:58:10.240
And so it was really, really difficult.

886
00:58:10.240 --> 00:58:12.360
So it's important though,

887
00:58:12.360 --> 00:58:16.560
that you all really do have that communication

888
00:58:16.560 --> 00:58:18.480
of what the boundaries are.

889
00:58:19.040 --> 00:58:20.520
And I cannot stress enough

890
00:58:20.520 --> 00:58:24.280
how important the boundaries conversation is.

891
00:58:24.280 --> 00:58:29.280
It's, and I think Bethany has taught on this

892
00:58:29.600 --> 00:58:34.360
and I'd have to figure out where that content is,

893
00:58:34.360 --> 00:58:39.360
where depending on the two people,

894
00:58:39.840 --> 00:58:44.000
it's finding the lowest level boundary for the two of you

895
00:58:44.000 --> 00:58:46.400
and that becomes the boundary.

896
00:58:46.400 --> 00:58:50.320
For some people, like just sitting next to

897
00:58:50.320 --> 00:58:53.480
and cuddling with somebody can,

898
00:58:53.480 --> 00:58:57.160
like if that's happening, there's no boundary there

899
00:58:57.160 --> 00:59:00.400
because then you just know that you're gonna go.

900
00:59:00.400 --> 00:59:04.760
For other people, it might be like kissing,

901
00:59:04.760 --> 00:59:06.680
like heavy kissing,

902
00:59:06.680 --> 00:59:09.400
where it's like as soon as the heavy kissing comes,

903
00:59:09.400 --> 00:59:12.640
it's on, there's no stopping.

904
00:59:12.680 --> 00:59:17.680
So it's finding out what level are you going to

905
00:59:20.200 --> 00:59:22.120
know that you, like your boundaries,

906
00:59:22.120 --> 00:59:24.000
you lose all your boundaries.

907
00:59:24.000 --> 00:59:28.160
So having that conversation and scaling that back.

908
00:59:28.160 --> 00:59:30.360
And as long as it sounds like you both are on the same page

909
00:59:30.360 --> 00:59:34.160
and how important keeping that sacred is for you,

910
00:59:34.160 --> 00:59:37.080
it's just, it's again, it's having those check-ins,

911
00:59:37.080 --> 00:59:41.160
it's communicating frequently

912
00:59:41.200 --> 00:59:43.880
about where you're at physically, all right?

913
00:59:43.880 --> 00:59:47.960
And admitting like, look, I desire this,

914
00:59:48.800 --> 00:59:52.800
but I also desire not to do it until I'm married, okay?

915
00:59:55.640 --> 00:59:57.080
Thank you so much, that's helpful.

916
00:59:57.080 --> 01:00:00.000
It's validating because it seems like we're.

917
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.480
kind of doing that already. And I'm really grateful that like,

918
01:00:02.680 --> 01:00:05.520
he's, he's open to those conversations. And we're on the

919
01:00:05.520 --> 01:00:08.800
same page. And we we desire to honor God and pursue holiness

920
01:00:08.800 --> 01:00:14.640
and purity. And he's, this is his first, like, romantic

921
01:00:14.640 --> 01:00:18.280
relationship since he's become a Christian 14 years ago. And so

922
01:00:18.480 --> 01:00:21.760
it's like, I thought it would be easier to not have sex until

923
01:00:21.760 --> 01:00:24.120
marriage. I was like, No, it's very difficult. You have to be

924
01:00:24.120 --> 01:00:29.760
very intentional. Like, it's like warfare on the offense. So

925
01:00:30.760 --> 01:00:32.800
so yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

926
01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:35.240
You are welcome. Well, thank you. Thank you so much for

927
01:00:35.240 --> 01:00:38.640
sharing. And ladies, again, there's never any shame. When

928
01:00:38.640 --> 01:00:41.000
you come and confess some things that you're struggling with. We

929
01:00:41.000 --> 01:00:45.400
are all human. We are all we all fall short. We all have things

930
01:00:45.400 --> 01:00:50.000
in areas that you know, we need growth in like, like, it's okay

931
01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:52.800
to get real and honest, because we're all women here. We all

932
01:00:52.800 --> 01:00:57.720
like, we all get it. Most of us are in our 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s,

933
01:00:57.720 --> 01:01:03.840
like, it's, it's no, it's no secret that we don't want to do

934
01:01:03.840 --> 01:01:08.360
that stuff. Okay. All right. Well, thank you, Sarah. So

935
01:01:08.360 --> 01:01:09.880
Leslie, you're up next.

936
01:01:13.760 --> 01:01:17.680
Okay, my this should be fairly quick. You get you said

937
01:01:17.680 --> 01:01:21.800
revealing for healing happens like when you're when you're

938
01:01:21.800 --> 01:01:26.240
frustrated or you're annoyed. How is it because I feel that

939
01:01:26.240 --> 01:01:30.360
way fairly frequently. So I'm just trying to figure out what

940
01:01:30.360 --> 01:01:35.920
it is I'm supposed to be what's being revealed in all of that.

941
01:01:37.440 --> 01:01:42.800
So going back to going back to heartwork. So when we're

942
01:01:42.800 --> 01:01:45.840
connecting and what that emotion that we're feeling, it's it's,

943
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:50.920
it's going to God and asking him, okay, where does this

944
01:01:50.960 --> 01:01:55.320
emotion? Where does this feeling come from? What am I believing?

945
01:01:56.520 --> 01:02:02.760
It's being able to take time to reflect on what, what, what am I

946
01:02:02.760 --> 01:02:05.840
believing? So if I'm getting frustrated and annoyed, what am

947
01:02:05.840 --> 01:02:13.440
I frustrated and annoyed about? So that's where we can sometimes

948
01:02:13.440 --> 01:02:18.240
start unlocking and tapping into those little foxes in the

949
01:02:18.240 --> 01:02:22.440
garden that want to feed us lies about whether it's our self

950
01:02:22.440 --> 01:02:28.560
worth, whether it's our belief about men. And then like some

951
01:02:28.560 --> 01:02:33.760
annoyance and frustration. So I can share some of my own

952
01:02:33.760 --> 01:02:38.120
experiences here. So I oftentimes would get super

953
01:02:38.160 --> 01:02:43.120
annoyed and frustrated with guys that liked younger women.

954
01:02:44.760 --> 01:02:50.760
Because my son, biological father, left me for someone who

955
01:02:50.760 --> 01:02:56.440
was 12 years younger than me. So when I would encounter guys,

956
01:02:56.440 --> 01:02:59.160
and especially I had one guy that was pretty unhealthy, and

957
01:02:59.160 --> 01:03:05.640
he was, he was very dishonest about his age. And I thought he

958
01:03:05.640 --> 01:03:08.680
was older. And I expressed it because I thought he was a

959
01:03:08.680 --> 01:03:11.720
little too old for me. I just didn't, you know, wasn't really

960
01:03:11.720 --> 01:03:17.040
interested in that. And I asked him his age, he freaked out on

961
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:24.800
me. And when he did, he started talking about how he had just

962
01:03:24.800 --> 01:03:28.000
dated someone last week that was in her 20s. Now, mind you, this

963
01:03:28.000 --> 01:03:33.640
man was like 46 years old. And I was like, Whoa, like, and so I

964
01:03:33.640 --> 01:03:38.000
was really like, like triggered by that. And I'm like, what am I

965
01:03:38.000 --> 01:03:43.600
believing about this? And then I also then dated another guy and

966
01:03:43.600 --> 01:03:47.840
got to know another guy. And then he wasn't my person. Like,

967
01:03:47.840 --> 01:03:50.120
I knew he wasn't, he's actually still a good friend of mine, I

968
01:03:50.120 --> 01:03:56.240
still stay in contact with him. But he was a little bit younger

969
01:03:56.240 --> 01:03:59.200
than me. And then two weeks after we went out on date, he

970
01:03:59.200 --> 01:04:04.120
went on a like church trip, and met somebody. And lo and behold,

971
01:04:04.120 --> 01:04:06.320
she was 12 years younger than me. And they're like in a

972
01:04:06.320 --> 01:04:10.520
relationship, and they're going strong right now. And I started

973
01:04:10.520 --> 01:04:14.480
getting like down on myself, because and frustrated, I was

974
01:04:14.480 --> 01:04:17.920
frustrated. Like, why is he getting to find someone and I,

975
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:22.640
you know, I'm still having to, like, go through this whole

976
01:04:22.640 --> 01:04:27.040
rigmarole. You know, he was, he was actually dating someone that

977
01:04:27.080 --> 01:04:30.280
was best friends with girlfriends of mine from my, my

978
01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:34.400
job. And so I had to really like, stop and being like, what

979
01:04:34.400 --> 01:04:37.720
am I believing here? I had to stop and be like, okay, what's

980
01:04:37.720 --> 01:04:40.960
being revealed? Why is this triggering me? Why is this

981
01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:43.600
annoying me? Why is this frustrating, frustrating me? Why

982
01:04:43.600 --> 01:04:47.520
am I getting irritated? What what am I believing? I started

983
01:04:47.520 --> 01:04:51.240
believing that God didn't have somebody for me, that men just

984
01:04:51.240 --> 01:04:54.880
wanted younger women, that I wasn't going to find my guy. And

985
01:04:54.880 --> 01:04:58.920
those were all lies. And I had to stop and be like, okay, God,

986
01:04:58.920 --> 01:05:00.040
like, that's a lie.

987
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.420
from the enemy, where did that come from?

988
01:05:04.420 --> 01:05:07.220
What steps do I need to take?

989
01:05:07.220 --> 01:05:09.220
What does your truth say?

990
01:05:09.220 --> 01:05:11.580
Do I need to work through some forgiveness?

991
01:05:11.580 --> 01:05:12.760
Do I need to forgive myself?

992
01:05:12.760 --> 01:05:15.820
Do I need to forgive my son's dad?

993
01:05:15.820 --> 01:05:17.060
Like all of these things.

994
01:05:17.060 --> 01:05:19.420
So it's going back into that heartwork process.

995
01:05:19.420 --> 01:05:20.940
So that's what that can look like.

996
01:05:20.940 --> 01:05:23.340
So when you're finding yourself irritated,

997
01:05:23.340 --> 01:05:27.020
frustrated, stress, it's typically there's something deeper.

998
01:05:27.080 --> 01:05:31.640
And so I encourage you ladies to kind of press in

999
01:05:31.640 --> 01:05:35.880
and start taking a reflect and take an inventory

1000
01:05:35.880 --> 01:05:37.560
on where does that come from?

1001
01:05:37.560 --> 01:05:40.080
What am I believing?

1002
01:05:40.080 --> 01:05:44.000
And what is God's truth say about that?

1003
01:05:44.000 --> 01:05:45.220
Does that help?

1004
01:05:47.040 --> 01:05:50.160
Do you feel like you're able to kind of lock in maybe?

1005
01:05:50.160 --> 01:05:53.580
Sometimes I think maybe I should not even be in phase two

1006
01:05:53.580 --> 01:05:56.080
because I get to the point where

1007
01:05:56.080 --> 01:05:58.900
I get so not just frustrated with men,

1008
01:05:58.900 --> 01:06:03.900
but I felt so much more peaceful in phase one.

1009
01:06:04.320 --> 01:06:05.620
Girl, I get you.

1010
01:06:07.100 --> 01:06:08.180
I was like that too.

1011
01:06:08.180 --> 01:06:10.340
Like true story, like it took me,

1012
01:06:10.340 --> 01:06:12.380
I think Jackie ended up like having to kick me

1013
01:06:12.380 --> 01:06:15.300
out of the nest and be like, you got to get on a date.

1014
01:06:15.300 --> 01:06:19.300
Like she literally was like, you need to date somebody.

1015
01:06:19.300 --> 01:06:20.660
I'm going to set you up with someone

1016
01:06:20.660 --> 01:06:21.860
and it's not a love interest.

1017
01:06:21.860 --> 01:06:22.740
You need to get out.

1018
01:06:22.740 --> 01:06:24.420
You need to go practice dating.

1019
01:06:24.440 --> 01:06:28.360
Because I was like, no, no, the heartwork and the healing

1020
01:06:28.360 --> 01:06:30.160
and all the things that God's, you know,

1021
01:06:30.160 --> 01:06:33.840
sharing with me in phase one just feels so cozy and nice.

1022
01:06:33.840 --> 01:06:38.160
Where, you know, again, it's time to move on.

1023
01:06:38.160 --> 01:06:40.720
It's time, she was like, it's time to fly

1024
01:06:40.720 --> 01:06:45.120
and get more, some more healing.

1025
01:06:45.120 --> 01:06:46.680
That's where that hurt in relationship,

1026
01:06:46.680 --> 01:06:48.720
healed in relationship come from.

1027
01:06:48.720 --> 01:06:51.120
And that's just preparation, ladies.

1028
01:06:51.120 --> 01:06:53.800
Really, that's just really, it is, it's preparing you

1029
01:06:53.860 --> 01:06:58.860
because, you know, marriage is, like Jackie says,

1030
01:06:58.980 --> 01:07:03.940
it is God's maturity plan for y'all.

1031
01:07:03.940 --> 01:07:05.780
Like it really is going to be like,

1032
01:07:05.780 --> 01:07:07.740
you're going to mature in marriage

1033
01:07:07.740 --> 01:07:10.140
because there are going to be things that come up

1034
01:07:10.140 --> 01:07:13.240
and sacrifice that you will make in your marriage.

1035
01:07:13.240 --> 01:07:18.240
And it is a beautiful thing, but this is the process.

1036
01:07:18.300 --> 01:07:21.020
It's trusting this process of heart healing

1037
01:07:21.520 --> 01:07:24.120
and working on our hearts and then getting into dating

1038
01:07:24.120 --> 01:07:26.640
and starting just to uncover

1039
01:07:26.640 --> 01:07:28.300
some of those counterfeit identities

1040
01:07:28.300 --> 01:07:33.300
and starting to step into, you know, God's promise for us.

1041
01:07:36.020 --> 01:07:41.020
It's a beautiful thing, but it's all the process.

1042
01:07:42.160 --> 01:07:43.540
God wants to upgrade us.

1043
01:07:43.540 --> 01:07:44.960
He wants to grow us.

1044
01:07:45.920 --> 01:07:48.280
He wants us to lean in more to Him.

1045
01:07:48.280 --> 01:07:49.760
And I will tell you, ladies, you will do that.

1046
01:07:49.760 --> 01:07:51.100
You will do that in the dating process.

1047
01:07:51.100 --> 01:07:52.520
You'll do that once you get yourself

1048
01:07:52.520 --> 01:07:55.120
into a level three and engagement,

1049
01:07:55.120 --> 01:07:57.620
and then it just continues on to marriage.

1050
01:07:57.620 --> 01:08:00.940
And then you get kids in the mix or family members

1051
01:08:00.940 --> 01:08:03.780
in the mix and in-laws and all that kind of stuff.

1052
01:08:03.780 --> 01:08:08.660
There's just more opportunities for healing and growth

1053
01:08:08.660 --> 01:08:13.360
and good, fruitful harvest.

1054
01:08:15.100 --> 01:08:16.000
All right.

1055
01:08:16.420 --> 01:08:21.220
So yeah, Laurel's right there with you, Leslie.

1056
01:08:21.220 --> 01:08:23.140
It's easy to look on phase one

1057
01:08:23.140 --> 01:08:25.500
and then feel irritable in phase two.

1058
01:08:25.500 --> 01:08:29.580
And then yes, that maturity plan, it really is.

1059
01:08:29.580 --> 01:08:32.340
It's just, it's all, what is it?

1060
01:08:33.700 --> 01:08:36.260
Preparation, you know, not sitting in the waiting room,

1061
01:08:36.260 --> 01:08:37.420
but it's a preparing.

1062
01:08:39.979 --> 01:08:42.960
All right, Alexis, you're up, thank you.

1063
01:08:43.939 --> 01:08:48.939
So I'm just wondering, when you talk about using wisdom

1064
01:08:50.180 --> 01:08:53.979
and being intuitive, how do you do that

1065
01:08:53.979 --> 01:08:56.859
as opposed to being suspicious?

1066
01:08:56.859 --> 01:09:01.140
Because I was so suspicious in my last relationship.

1067
01:09:01.140 --> 01:09:04.740
And I think honestly, sometimes the Holy Spirit

1068
01:09:04.740 --> 01:09:07.740
gave me checks in my spirit because it turns out

1069
01:09:07.740 --> 01:09:11.260
he was talking to other women all the time behind my back.

1070
01:09:11.920 --> 01:09:15.760
And so I was suspicious and I don't wanna show up suspicious

1071
01:09:15.760 --> 01:09:20.760
in any future relationship, but I wanna use wisdom

1072
01:09:21.600 --> 01:09:24.399
and be intuitive and discernment,

1073
01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:27.600
but I'm not really sure how to separate the two.

1074
01:09:27.600 --> 01:09:30.040
So a lot of that, I know for me what it looks like

1075
01:09:30.040 --> 01:09:34.000
is, you know, just partnering with the Lord,

1076
01:09:34.000 --> 01:09:37.279
you know, staying in constant relationship with him

1077
01:09:38.279 --> 01:09:41.300
and, you know, asking for that wisdom and showing me.

1078
01:09:41.300 --> 01:09:44.740
And again, a lot of it will come to that pacing

1079
01:09:44.740 --> 01:09:48.040
when we talk about dating and pacing ourselves,

1080
01:09:48.040 --> 01:09:49.020
because in the beginning,

1081
01:09:49.020 --> 01:09:50.899
when you're just getting to know someone,

1082
01:09:50.899 --> 01:09:55.220
some of us can take it from, you know, zero to a hundred,

1083
01:09:55.220 --> 01:09:57.020
and we still don't really know a person

1084
01:09:57.020 --> 01:09:58.660
and we start letting our guard down

1085
01:09:58.660 --> 01:10:00.860
and we're letting, you know, a stranger in.

1086
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.560
come in and then there's the the emotions and the feelings that get

1087
01:10:04.560 --> 01:10:09.460
involved and so sometimes we find ourselves you know unsure so it's using

1088
01:10:09.460 --> 01:10:13.740
the wisdom that you're learning here in the community of what we talk about

1089
01:10:13.740 --> 01:10:21.000
pacing you know how to interact in in the dating in the dating world and then

1090
01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:27.420
just partnering with Holy Spirit and and trusting that he will give you peace and

1091
01:10:27.420 --> 01:10:31.280
ladies let me tell you and it's also about creating those boundaries with men

1092
01:10:31.280 --> 01:10:36.760
when you're dating I cannot stress enough when you look for those three M's

1093
01:10:36.760 --> 01:10:43.560
in a man so it's the it's the mature marriage minded and masculine so this

1094
01:10:43.560 --> 01:10:48.500
divine video that we talked about today Jackie also just talks a lot about the

1095
01:10:48.500 --> 01:10:52.840
divine masculine and it's stepping into and learning a little bit more of what

1096
01:10:52.840 --> 01:10:56.840
that divine masculine looks like so when we create these healthy boundaries which

1097
01:10:56.840 --> 01:11:00.160
that's the last video so when you start learning about creating boundaries and

1098
01:11:00.160 --> 01:11:09.760
the pacing of the relationships and the dating men will healthy masculine mature

1099
01:11:09.760 --> 01:11:16.320
marriage minded men will respect your boundaries and it's all about that

1100
01:11:16.320 --> 01:11:23.600
communication it's pacing communicating you know a man is going to part of the

1101
01:11:23.600 --> 01:11:29.320
divine masculine is the man it will be a protector he's going to want to

1102
01:11:29.320 --> 01:11:36.960
protect what's sacred in the feminine it's going to want you to feel safe and

1103
01:11:36.960 --> 01:11:43.840
secure and so it's it's listening to that it's looking for those things it's

1104
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:50.920
looking for the fruit it's you know assessing a man's character by getting

1105
01:11:50.920 --> 01:11:57.520
to know him in an easily paced relationship it's not going from zero to

1106
01:11:57.520 --> 01:12:03.880
hundred it's literally just taking your time and allowing God to kind of reveal

1107
01:12:03.880 --> 01:12:12.400
to you those areas does that help give you some reassurance of what we mean by

1108
01:12:12.400 --> 01:12:19.640
using wisdom and and what to look for when you're dating yes that was very

1109
01:12:19.640 --> 01:12:25.120
helpful thank you good good good good well keep us posted because again ladies

1110
01:12:25.120 --> 01:12:31.520
you know a lot of us myself included have probably been hurt in previous

1111
01:12:31.520 --> 01:12:37.520
relationships and you know Alexis like you I was really guarded I was really

1112
01:12:37.520 --> 01:12:41.920
scared I didn't want to get hurt again I had been hurt over and over and over and

1113
01:12:41.920 --> 01:12:48.920
over again and you know it's it's literally utilize this community utilize

1114
01:12:48.920 --> 01:12:53.800
us coaches utilize your sisters in here come be vulnerable share what you're

1115
01:12:53.800 --> 01:12:59.320
experiencing and we'll help you with those blind spots you know just know

1116
01:12:59.320 --> 01:13:03.680
that you're in the right place you're here we got we got you you know your

1117
01:13:03.680 --> 01:13:08.560
sister squad will back you up you know if I got to be mama bear I'll be mama

1118
01:13:08.560 --> 01:13:15.360
bear I'm really good at that you know I look out for my ladies all right so

1119
01:13:15.360 --> 01:13:19.600
we're here to help support you and make sure that you're not going to get

1120
01:13:19.600 --> 01:13:23.680
yourself in those types of situations but part of that is ladies coming here

1121
01:13:23.680 --> 01:13:29.680
and in communicating to us what you're experiencing tell us about your date you

1122
01:13:29.680 --> 01:13:33.280
know we'll help you see those blind spots we'll ask questions okay and when

1123
01:13:33.280 --> 01:13:36.120
we're asking questions we're not trying to interrogate you we're just trying to

1124
01:13:36.120 --> 01:13:40.240
get understanding and clarity and that's why I also like y'all come in because

1125
01:13:40.240 --> 01:13:47.120
then we can dialogue back and forth okay all right Emily you've got your

1126
01:13:47.120 --> 01:13:53.880
hand up thank you for waiting um well we already caught up a little bit about the

1127
01:13:53.880 --> 01:13:58.280
date I went on over the weekend and then this is more of like a heart work

1128
01:13:58.280 --> 01:14:03.960
question okay like having to do with some like friendship rejection stuff

1129
01:14:03.960 --> 01:14:07.880
that's come up this week and I just feel like it's probably you know gonna all be

1130
01:14:07.880 --> 01:14:13.640
connected so like exactly like what you were talking about that whole like

1131
01:14:13.640 --> 01:14:16.600
people-pleasing like you're not actually just being nice like you're trying to

1132
01:14:16.600 --> 01:14:21.400
get people to like you like the Lord has been really dealing with me with that

1133
01:14:21.400 --> 01:14:31.600
area so like last night I I kind of made a choice around not doing that and the

1134
01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:36.400
Lord like confirmed in all these cool ways like you made the right choice you

1135
01:14:36.400 --> 01:14:39.560
didn't go like oh I should go meet with that friend because I don't want to hurt

1136
01:14:39.560 --> 01:14:43.760
their feelings and like all these things that were like going through my head um

1137
01:14:43.760 --> 01:14:50.640
but now I'm kind of dealing with like like when I said no like the Lord kind

1138
01:14:50.640 --> 01:14:53.840
of revealed like that person doesn't actually super want to be friends with

1139
01:14:53.840 --> 01:14:58.320
me and like there was kind of a really cold text that I received and I just I

1140
01:14:58.320 --> 01:15:02.160
feel some like rejection

1141
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.560
in girlfriend rejection pain today.

1142
01:15:04.960 --> 01:15:06.800
And I just, I think that I'm like,

1143
01:15:06.800 --> 01:15:09.480
I don't want it to be an open door

1144
01:15:10.400 --> 01:15:11.960
to hearing like all these voices,

1145
01:15:11.960 --> 01:15:14.520
like don't pursue friendships with girls

1146
01:15:14.520 --> 01:15:18.240
who aren't super, you know, just let, I don't know.

1147
01:15:18.240 --> 01:15:20.720
Like, I feel like I don't want to assume rejection

1148
01:15:20.720 --> 01:15:21.840
right now in my life,

1149
01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:24.360
even though I've experienced it a few times

1150
01:15:24.360 --> 01:15:26.120
recently with girlfriends.

1151
01:15:26.640 --> 01:15:30.160
I'm like, what's appropriate?

1152
01:15:30.160 --> 01:15:32.800
Like, I don't know, I guess like I'm learning

1153
01:15:32.800 --> 01:15:36.320
when is it appropriate to be like pursuing a friend?

1154
01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:38.240
And then like, when is that line being crossed?

1155
01:15:38.240 --> 01:15:40.880
Like, okay, I'm not taking the hint.

1156
01:15:40.880 --> 01:15:43.440
They're not really wanting to be like sent

1157
01:15:43.440 --> 01:15:44.640
or like, you know what I'm saying?

1158
01:15:44.640 --> 01:15:48.120
Like, yeah.

1159
01:15:48.120 --> 01:15:51.560
So a lot, so how, how far along have you,

1160
01:15:51.560 --> 01:15:53.320
are you in with the videos?

1161
01:15:53.320 --> 01:15:55.600
Like what videos have you watched?

1162
01:15:56.120 --> 01:15:58.720
I watched all the videos except for the boundaries one.

1163
01:15:58.720 --> 01:16:00.600
Okay, the boundaries will be helpful.

1164
01:16:01.880 --> 01:16:04.880
So just know you're going to get there, okay?

1165
01:16:04.880 --> 01:16:06.040
That'll be boundaries.

1166
01:16:07.120 --> 01:16:11.640
If I recall correctly, even in this Define Feminine video,

1167
01:16:11.640 --> 01:16:13.640
Jackie talks a little bit about, you know,

1168
01:16:13.640 --> 01:16:15.880
shaking the boat a little bit.

1169
01:16:15.880 --> 01:16:17.040
You know, that happened with me

1170
01:16:17.040 --> 01:16:18.440
when I first stepped into heartwork

1171
01:16:18.440 --> 01:16:20.160
and I first joined this program.

1172
01:16:20.160 --> 01:16:23.120
You know, I was learning a lot about myself.

1173
01:16:23.120 --> 01:16:25.440
I was learning about, you know, what God's,

1174
01:16:26.280 --> 01:16:27.880
what God wanted for me, wanted better for me.

1175
01:16:27.880 --> 01:16:30.240
And so I, you know, I had to learn to say no.

1176
01:16:30.240 --> 01:16:32.520
I had to learn to, you know,

1177
01:16:32.520 --> 01:16:34.920
the boat got shaken a little bit

1178
01:16:34.920 --> 01:16:36.200
and there are going to be people

1179
01:16:36.200 --> 01:16:39.840
that are going to fall out of that boat and that's okay.

1180
01:16:40.960 --> 01:16:42.960
It's totally, totally fine.

1181
01:16:42.960 --> 01:16:44.760
This could be that shifting it.

1182
01:16:44.760 --> 01:16:47.400
There's that shaking, if you will.

1183
01:16:47.400 --> 01:16:49.760
All right, what's not of him is going to crumble.

1184
01:16:49.760 --> 01:16:52.240
And when you shake and what's solid

1185
01:16:52.240 --> 01:16:54.480
and what's good will stand firm.

1186
01:16:54.520 --> 01:16:57.160
It's on firm foundation, right?

1187
01:16:57.160 --> 01:17:00.840
So again, it's, I think you even just recognizing

1188
01:17:00.840 --> 01:17:02.520
and being able to identify,

1189
01:17:02.520 --> 01:17:07.120
man, this feels like rejection, right?

1190
01:17:07.120 --> 01:17:10.320
But now it's going back to that heartwork tool and say,

1191
01:17:10.320 --> 01:17:14.160
okay, but what does God say about rejection?

1192
01:17:14.160 --> 01:17:16.160
Am I really being rejected?

1193
01:17:17.440 --> 01:17:19.120
You know, is that a lie?

1194
01:17:19.120 --> 01:17:23.040
I'm believing that my worth is tied to a certain friend

1195
01:17:23.040 --> 01:17:24.640
or people liking me.

1196
01:17:24.640 --> 01:17:27.520
You know, I love this conversation

1197
01:17:27.520 --> 01:17:29.760
because it brings up a lot of what I'm experiencing

1198
01:17:29.760 --> 01:17:31.680
with my bonus daughter.

1199
01:17:31.680 --> 01:17:34.800
You know, she is about to be 13.

1200
01:17:34.800 --> 01:17:38.120
She was homeschooled for the last two years

1201
01:17:38.120 --> 01:17:40.440
and now we've got her back into,

1202
01:17:40.440 --> 01:17:42.360
we put all of our kids into a charter school.

1203
01:17:42.360 --> 01:17:44.040
So now they're with kids every day,

1204
01:17:44.040 --> 01:17:47.400
where before she wasn't and she is my social butterfly.

1205
01:17:47.400 --> 01:17:49.080
She knows no strangers.

1206
01:17:49.080 --> 01:17:50.880
She's always looking for acceptance.

1207
01:17:50.880 --> 01:17:51.960
She wants to be liked.

1208
01:17:51.960 --> 01:17:53.560
She wants to be loved.

1209
01:17:53.560 --> 01:17:55.720
There's some trauma in her life

1210
01:17:55.720 --> 01:17:58.600
and her mom had some mental illness

1211
01:17:58.600 --> 01:18:01.040
and then her mom passed when she was seven years old

1212
01:18:01.040 --> 01:18:02.160
from cancer.

1213
01:18:02.160 --> 01:18:03.560
So there's a lot of trauma there.

1214
01:18:03.560 --> 01:18:07.800
And so there's, you know, oftentimes she's seeking

1215
01:18:07.800 --> 01:18:11.240
to please people and wanting their love and acceptance.

1216
01:18:11.240 --> 01:18:13.560
And I'm always having to work with her

1217
01:18:13.560 --> 01:18:18.560
and remind her that her worth doesn't come from others.

1218
01:18:19.440 --> 01:18:23.120
It comes in the finished work of the cross,

1219
01:18:23.120 --> 01:18:26.560
what Jesus has done for us, you know?

1220
01:18:26.560 --> 01:18:28.160
And I always tell her,

1221
01:18:28.160 --> 01:18:33.160
you're gonna have friends that may not like you

1222
01:18:34.640 --> 01:18:38.800
or they, you know, it might not be as healthy.

1223
01:18:38.800 --> 01:18:41.520
There might be boundaries that are crossed.

1224
01:18:41.520 --> 01:18:42.360
And I always tell her,

1225
01:18:42.360 --> 01:18:45.720
because she has this thing about wanting to be popular.

1226
01:18:45.720 --> 01:18:48.240
And I'm like, sometimes what's popular

1227
01:18:48.520 --> 01:18:50.680
isn't always the right thing.

1228
01:18:50.680 --> 01:18:52.280
It's not about being, it's, you know,

1229
01:18:52.280 --> 01:18:53.560
and I'm like, what does that mean?

1230
01:18:53.560 --> 01:18:54.400
What does being popular mean?

1231
01:18:54.400 --> 01:18:56.360
And she's like, about being liked.

1232
01:18:56.360 --> 01:18:58.400
Like, okay, well, what characteristics

1233
01:18:58.400 --> 01:19:01.240
did God bless you with that make you likable?

1234
01:19:02.400 --> 01:19:05.480
You're kind, you're considerate.

1235
01:19:05.480 --> 01:19:07.320
You know, you care about people.

1236
01:19:07.320 --> 01:19:09.800
You're, you know, you're empathetic.

1237
01:19:09.800 --> 01:19:11.920
You wanna help people.

1238
01:19:11.920 --> 01:19:14.120
Those are good qualities and characteristics.

1239
01:19:14.120 --> 01:19:16.200
And when we're modeling those, like, you know,

1240
01:19:16.200 --> 01:19:17.680
the fruits of the spirits, the peace,

1241
01:19:18.160 --> 01:19:20.000
the patience, the kindness, the joy, the love,

1242
01:19:20.000 --> 01:19:25.000
and we're exuding that, that's all that matters, right?

1243
01:19:26.280 --> 01:19:28.240
And so, and there are gonna be people

1244
01:19:28.240 --> 01:19:32.520
in their own toxic, unhealthy traumas

1245
01:19:32.520 --> 01:19:34.680
that are gonna respond to us.

1246
01:19:34.680 --> 01:19:35.960
But at the end of the day,

1247
01:19:35.960 --> 01:19:39.120
if we're honoring who God calls us to be,

1248
01:19:39.120 --> 01:19:40.560
that's all that we can do.

1249
01:19:41.520 --> 01:19:44.720
And so it's just reminding ourself where,

1250
01:19:44.800 --> 01:19:48.360
like, why, where does rejection come from?

1251
01:19:48.360 --> 01:19:49.280
It comes from the enemy.

1252
01:19:49.280 --> 01:19:51.440
It comes from that fear.

1253
01:19:51.440 --> 01:19:55.000
And, but filling it with what God says about us.

1254
01:19:55.880 --> 01:19:59.240
So you are, ladies, you will shake the boat, you know.

1255
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.440
That boundaries video will be good when you get to it.

1256
01:20:04.440 --> 01:20:06.800
Okay, you don't have to rush into it.

1257
01:20:06.800 --> 01:20:09.960
Okay, just do one a week process, you know,

1258
01:20:09.960 --> 01:20:11.120
and things like that.

1259
01:20:11.120 --> 01:20:14.500
But it will also teach you about healthy conflict as well.

1260
01:20:14.500 --> 01:20:17.920
Renee does a phenomenal job in that video,

1261
01:20:17.920 --> 01:20:20.640
really giving us tips and pointers

1262
01:20:20.640 --> 01:20:22.420
about how to have healthy conflict.

1263
01:20:22.420 --> 01:20:26.460
Because, you know, we're not gonna be without conflicts.

1264
01:20:26.460 --> 01:20:27.520
Yeah.

1265
01:20:27.520 --> 01:20:29.420
Like that's kind of what happens

1266
01:20:29.420 --> 01:20:32.340
with this side of the curse, right?

1267
01:20:32.340 --> 01:20:35.900
Living on this earth, we're susceptible to that.

1268
01:20:35.900 --> 01:20:40.220
So just keep that in mind, you know, process those feelings.

1269
01:20:40.220 --> 01:20:41.380
It's okay to feel it.

1270
01:20:41.380 --> 01:20:45.060
It's okay to feel like a little sadness about it.

1271
01:20:45.060 --> 01:20:47.700
But, you know, just lean in the Holy Spirit,

1272
01:20:47.700 --> 01:20:49.860
lean into what the Lord is kind of revealing

1273
01:20:49.860 --> 01:20:51.100
and showing to you,

1274
01:20:51.100 --> 01:20:53.300
and just be reminded of what his truth is.

1275
01:20:55.100 --> 01:20:56.140
Thank you.

1276
01:20:56.140 --> 01:20:57.220
You are welcome.

1277
01:20:57.780 --> 01:21:00.940
All right, Elizabeth, you're next.

1278
01:21:00.940 --> 01:21:01.960
How are you?

1279
01:21:03.420 --> 01:21:04.260
Good.

1280
01:21:04.260 --> 01:21:05.980
I actually stayed home because I was sick.

1281
01:21:05.980 --> 01:21:07.540
So I'm a little congested.

1282
01:21:07.540 --> 01:21:12.540
But yeah, I already had posted about my first date,

1283
01:21:14.420 --> 01:21:16.580
which was last Friday.

1284
01:21:16.580 --> 01:21:21.580
And I found that I was getting really irritated

1285
01:21:22.140 --> 01:21:26.300
by some of the questions and some of the things

1286
01:21:26.320 --> 01:21:27.640
that he was asking me.

1287
01:21:27.640 --> 01:21:32.640
And so I was trying to figure out why.

1288
01:21:34.600 --> 01:21:37.700
Like, why am I so irritated?

1289
01:21:37.700 --> 01:21:42.280
And so...

1290
01:21:42.280 --> 01:21:43.880
Have you come up with anything?

1291
01:21:45.420 --> 01:21:46.320
Not yet.

1292
01:21:46.320 --> 01:21:48.360
So maybe it would be...

1293
01:21:50.040 --> 01:21:55.040
Well, I guess if I just like do a skinny version

1294
01:21:55.860 --> 01:22:00.860
of like backstory is I had done a video chat with him.

1295
01:22:01.100 --> 01:22:01.940
Okay.

1296
01:22:01.940 --> 01:22:05.860
And I had said basically kind of what Renee says

1297
01:22:05.860 --> 01:22:08.500
about like, let's do a quick chat.

1298
01:22:08.500 --> 01:22:10.060
Well, it was seven minutes.

1299
01:22:10.060 --> 01:22:12.020
So like, that's real quick.

1300
01:22:12.020 --> 01:22:13.180
It was quick.

1301
01:22:13.180 --> 01:22:17.340
So I assumed that wouldn't go so good.

1302
01:22:17.340 --> 01:22:22.180
And then he didn't follow up

1303
01:22:22.180 --> 01:22:23.700
or there was nothing after that,

1304
01:22:23.700 --> 01:22:26.120
even though he had said, like I'd said,

1305
01:22:26.120 --> 01:22:27.920
yeah, I'd love to get to know you.

1306
01:22:28.880 --> 01:22:31.080
And I didn't hear anything back from him.

1307
01:22:31.080 --> 01:22:34.240
So I was like, okay, well, that didn't go well.

1308
01:22:34.240 --> 01:22:36.400
So I ended up deleting him after a week

1309
01:22:36.400 --> 01:22:40.000
on the app that we were on, which was the Facebook one.

1310
01:22:40.000 --> 01:22:40.840
Okay.

1311
01:22:40.840 --> 01:22:43.400
And then, but we had messaged in Messenger

1312
01:22:43.400 --> 01:22:45.400
because I didn't know how to do.

1313
01:22:45.400 --> 01:22:46.240
Yeah.

1314
01:22:46.240 --> 01:22:47.680
I was new to the whole thing.

1315
01:22:47.680 --> 01:22:50.600
Anyways, so then he goes, what happened?

1316
01:22:50.600 --> 01:22:51.440
What happened to you?

1317
01:22:51.440 --> 01:22:52.400
You disappeared.

1318
01:22:52.420 --> 01:22:55.380
And I was like, oh, well, I told him,

1319
01:22:55.380 --> 01:22:57.380
like it was a seven minute conversation

1320
01:22:57.380 --> 01:22:58.460
and I never heard back.

1321
01:22:58.460 --> 01:23:01.060
So I just figured you weren't interested in meeting.

1322
01:23:02.820 --> 01:23:06.300
And he was, he just put like, laugh out loud.

1323
01:23:06.300 --> 01:23:07.140
No, I am.

1324
01:23:09.260 --> 01:23:12.300
And then anyways, when we ended up going on a date,

1325
01:23:12.300 --> 01:23:15.980
so I think because of that, when I first got there,

1326
01:23:15.980 --> 01:23:17.500
he was talking a lot.

1327
01:23:17.500 --> 01:23:19.060
And I think he was trying to,

1328
01:23:19.060 --> 01:23:20.780
like it was like an overcompensate

1329
01:23:20.780 --> 01:23:21.940
because I had said like,

1330
01:23:21.940 --> 01:23:23.520
well, it was only seven minutes before.

1331
01:23:23.520 --> 01:23:24.360
So.

1332
01:23:24.360 --> 01:23:26.480
So now he's trying to make up for it.

1333
01:23:26.480 --> 01:23:28.280
So, so then he was like, just,

1334
01:23:28.280 --> 01:23:29.800
so then I asked him a couple of questions

1335
01:23:29.800 --> 01:23:30.640
and then he was like,

1336
01:23:30.640 --> 01:23:32.560
you had asked me a really good question

1337
01:23:32.560 --> 01:23:35.320
and I told you I wanted to answer that in person.

1338
01:23:35.320 --> 01:23:36.480
And I was like, okay.

1339
01:23:36.480 --> 01:23:37.760
And I thought that was fair enough.

1340
01:23:37.760 --> 01:23:38.580
That's good.

1341
01:23:38.580 --> 01:23:40.160
That's kind of what we teach you ladies,

1342
01:23:40.160 --> 01:23:41.680
like with some of those questions.

1343
01:23:41.680 --> 01:23:42.680
So that's good.

1344
01:23:42.680 --> 01:23:43.520
Yeah, it was.

1345
01:23:43.520 --> 01:23:46.120
And then, so I asked him what I thought I had asked him

1346
01:23:46.120 --> 01:23:49.080
and he goes, well, that wasn't the question.

1347
01:23:49.100 --> 01:23:51.700
And I was like, okay, well, should I look what it is?

1348
01:23:51.700 --> 01:23:52.640
Or do you remember?

1349
01:23:52.640 --> 01:23:54.380
And he goes, no, no, it's okay.

1350
01:23:56.420 --> 01:24:00.420
So then I was like, okay, well, that's, I mean, so to me.

1351
01:24:00.420 --> 01:24:01.900
What was the question?

1352
01:24:01.900 --> 01:24:03.540
So then I was like, I have to look at what,

1353
01:24:03.540 --> 01:24:04.620
like what was the question?

1354
01:24:04.620 --> 01:24:07.060
I think I had asked him some,

1355
01:24:07.060 --> 01:24:08.980
well, I know that somewhere along the line,

1356
01:24:08.980 --> 01:24:10.420
I was trying to ask him like,

1357
01:24:10.420 --> 01:24:12.060
how does faith show up in your life?

1358
01:24:12.060 --> 01:24:15.320
Or what is, like,

1359
01:24:15.320 --> 01:24:18.060
what are the things that are important to you?

1360
01:24:18.120 --> 01:24:22.080
So he, when I went to ask him in person,

1361
01:24:22.080 --> 01:24:24.240
he was like, oh, that wasn't the question.

1362
01:24:24.240 --> 01:24:27.400
Now it's like, okay, was it this?

1363
01:24:27.400 --> 01:24:29.400
And so he was like, no, that wasn't it.

1364
01:24:29.400 --> 01:24:31.520
So then I'm like, I get it.

1365
01:24:31.520 --> 01:24:33.680
Were you like, okay, dude, then what was it?

1366
01:24:33.680 --> 01:24:35.240
So then I was like, maybe we actually look.

1367
01:24:35.240 --> 01:24:37.080
And he's like, no, no, don't look.

1368
01:24:37.080 --> 01:24:39.480
And so I was like, well, that's funny because,

1369
01:24:39.480 --> 01:24:40.640
so then I was sitting there going,

1370
01:24:40.640 --> 01:24:43.520
I have no idea what the question was now because,

1371
01:24:43.520 --> 01:24:46.240
but I knew it was along the lines

1372
01:24:46.260 --> 01:24:49.580
of wanting to hear more about his connection to faith.

1373
01:24:52.740 --> 01:24:57.100
So anyways, he ended up answering that question

1374
01:24:57.100 --> 01:24:59.780
and then just started talking.

1375
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.320
hearing. And then he was, then he recognized like he was doing

1376
01:25:05.320 --> 01:25:08.640
all the talking and said, Oh, this is feeling really

1377
01:25:08.640 --> 01:25:12.960
unbalanced. Um, why don't you tell me about you? And I was

1378
01:25:12.960 --> 01:25:20.840
like, but this is like a good 25 minutes in. So I'm like, Oh,

1379
01:25:20.840 --> 01:25:25.600
what would you like to know? And he's like, anything like, you

1380
01:25:25.600 --> 01:25:31.120
know, and so so that that kind of irritates me first off, that

1381
01:25:31.120 --> 01:25:34.760
was just like, Okay, I now I have to feel like I have to have

1382
01:25:34.760 --> 01:25:43.480
a 22nd. Which I probably should have like a, you know, short,

1383
01:25:43.480 --> 01:25:49.560
brief, elevator speech kind of a thing, you know? So then, then

1384
01:25:49.560 --> 01:25:56.920
he was like, so I tell him some things. And so he's like, Okay,

1385
01:25:56.920 --> 01:26:02.800
so, so what do you like to do as far as, you know, whatever, like

1386
01:26:02.800 --> 01:26:06.240
I had said, like, he asked me, like, activities or whatever. So

1387
01:26:06.240 --> 01:26:12.120
I tell him, and then he's like, Okay, so you only like to do and

1388
01:26:12.120 --> 01:26:14.880
he lists like the five, like five or six things I said, and

1389
01:26:14.880 --> 01:26:22.480
he goes, What else you got for me? So then I was like, that's

1390
01:26:22.480 --> 01:26:33.440
all I got for you. And then he had asked me, what? What else

1391
01:26:33.440 --> 01:26:36.400
did he ask? I think that one, the question that I was irritated

1392
01:26:36.400 --> 01:26:40.040
because he kept asking me the same question. And he asked me

1393
01:26:40.040 --> 01:26:44.040
three times where he said, How long has it been since you've

1394
01:26:44.040 --> 01:26:51.200
been in a like a, a long term or serious relationship? And

1395
01:26:52.120 --> 01:26:55.160
like, like, it's been a long time. And I was trying to think

1396
01:26:55.160 --> 01:27:02.280
about it. And so I'm like, it's been a long time. And he's like,

1397
01:27:02.320 --> 01:27:07.560
like, so then I gave an example. He goes, Oh, wow, it's been like

1398
01:27:07.560 --> 01:27:12.640
more more. It's been like, at least three years. Because I had

1399
01:27:12.640 --> 01:27:15.120
mentioned something about California when I lived in

1400
01:27:15.120 --> 01:27:17.960
California. And that was two and a half, three years ago. And so

1401
01:27:17.960 --> 01:27:24.640
he was like, Oh, wow. Okay, so three years, huh? Um, and so

1402
01:27:24.640 --> 01:27:27.480
then he kind of switched. So he then he didn't even let me

1403
01:27:27.480 --> 01:27:30.920
finish, like, answering, he just kept talking. And then he was

1404
01:27:30.920 --> 01:27:34.920
like, came back to it. And then he was like, three years, huh?

1405
01:27:35.920 --> 01:27:43.320
Um, and so and he goes, you know, that is a choice.

1406
01:27:44.040 --> 01:27:46.680
It's something that I think can happen is when these guys are on

1407
01:27:46.680 --> 01:27:50.720
dates. And their responses are like that, that sometimes it

1408
01:27:50.840 --> 01:27:53.160
could say a little bit more about them and their

1409
01:27:53.160 --> 01:28:00.280
insecurities. Okay. And that could be why. And again, I think

1410
01:28:00.280 --> 01:28:04.000
remembering that many of these men, most of these men do not

1411
01:28:04.160 --> 01:28:08.920
have a coach that they're probably getting help with. So I

1412
01:28:08.920 --> 01:28:14.560
mean, how many of you can raise your hand and say, Yeah, you've

1413
01:28:14.560 --> 01:28:18.920
been on those dates where the guys are awkward there, you

1414
01:28:18.920 --> 01:28:23.680
know, it's just like, Oh, my gosh, like, he, you know, his

1415
01:28:23.680 --> 01:28:29.080
tone is a little like, you know, abrasive, or he's just like, I

1416
01:28:29.080 --> 01:28:33.360
love I love Renee's work where our word about flunky, like the

1417
01:28:33.360 --> 01:28:37.800
guys can be a little awkward. It's like they don't, they're

1418
01:28:37.800 --> 01:28:41.240
tripping up over their words, or they don't even realize that my

1419
01:28:41.240 --> 01:28:48.760
dude, like, you sound like a little judgy with with things

1420
01:28:48.760 --> 01:28:51.720
like that. I think it's just knowing that, yeah, they're

1421
01:28:51.720 --> 01:28:55.520
gonna be guys that you all gonna go on dates with that might kind

1422
01:28:55.520 --> 01:28:59.280
of get you might get that, like, Oh, my gosh, like, this is just

1423
01:29:00.200 --> 01:29:04.840
annoying, and irritating. And it's just keeping that open

1424
01:29:04.840 --> 01:29:08.000
mind. And just, you know, remembering just to, you know,

1425
01:29:08.000 --> 01:29:12.840
give grace with some of these guys. And you know, you might

1426
01:29:12.840 --> 01:29:15.520
want to give them a second date. Like if you really feel like

1427
01:29:15.520 --> 01:29:18.160
it's a hard no, it's okay to just be like, Look, I don't

1428
01:29:18.160 --> 01:29:21.840
think this is gonna go anywhere romantic. I appreciate you

1429
01:29:21.840 --> 01:29:24.800
spending time. It's been nice getting to know you. I just

1430
01:29:24.800 --> 01:29:27.280
don't know if I see this progressing. Thank you so much.

1431
01:29:27.640 --> 01:29:33.280
And then you can be on your way. You know, what I encourage you

1432
01:29:33.280 --> 01:29:37.520
ladies to do is kind of lean in a little bit more of what you're

1433
01:29:37.520 --> 01:29:42.000
experiencing feeling. So I think Elizabeth, did I do I recall

1434
01:29:42.000 --> 01:29:45.040
this correctly, where you kind of mentioned where you felt he

1435
01:29:45.040 --> 01:29:49.720
made you feel a little bit reprimanded, or judged in some

1436
01:29:49.720 --> 01:29:53.640
way, I think you mentioned about if I'm recalling this correctly,

1437
01:29:53.640 --> 01:30:00.080
that he had a perception or an idea about your faith and

1438
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.520
the church that you went to and you almost felt like he was,

1439
01:30:04.640 --> 01:30:09.080
you were wrong for something and for thinking a certain way was,

1440
01:30:09.080 --> 01:30:10.360
is that, am I recalling?

1441
01:30:10.760 --> 01:30:15.080
I don't, I don't think that was me, but I, no, I don't think that was me,

1442
01:30:15.080 --> 01:30:15.920
but he did.

1443
01:30:16.040 --> 01:30:20.080
I may have been me. Okay. Okay. Thank you, Emily.

1444
01:30:21.480 --> 01:30:22.320
Yeah.

1445
01:30:22.400 --> 01:30:26.040
So many of y'all's posts and I do try to keep them, you know,

1446
01:30:26.080 --> 01:30:29.040
sorted through and things like that. And I do know,

1447
01:30:29.040 --> 01:30:32.840
I do think Elizabeth, I did share, I was hoping that you would come,

1448
01:30:33.720 --> 01:30:38.680
um, to live and so that we could dialogue a little bit about this. So, um,

1449
01:30:38.760 --> 01:30:41.360
but what were you saying? Like, did he,

1450
01:30:42.080 --> 01:30:46.320
He did reprimand me. And I, and I think when he had said it the third time,

1451
01:30:46.360 --> 01:30:49.040
I was like, um,

1452
01:30:50.640 --> 01:30:54.400
and then he said, I'm not trying to shame you. And I,

1453
01:30:54.520 --> 01:30:58.480
I wear all of my expressions on my face. So I,

1454
01:30:59.400 --> 01:31:03.800
um, I don't hide things. Well, um,

1455
01:31:05.520 --> 01:31:08.640
because I was, I was irritated at that point. And I was like, well,

1456
01:31:09.640 --> 01:31:13.480
how long were you on this date for? It was an hour and a half. Okay.

1457
01:31:14.160 --> 01:31:18.040
I was going to say, I feel like if, if this was kind of coming up, like ladies,

1458
01:31:18.840 --> 01:31:21.960
have you been on a date for an hour and all of that? It's, it's okay.

1459
01:31:21.960 --> 01:31:24.560
Just be like, you know, you can cut it short.

1460
01:31:25.960 --> 01:31:28.360
Yeah. I mean, there were good things about it,

1461
01:31:28.360 --> 01:31:30.680
but these were the parts that like, I was like,

1462
01:31:31.000 --> 01:31:35.280
I don't know why I was so irritated, except I was just like, um,

1463
01:31:35.760 --> 01:31:37.360
I think, I think what,

1464
01:31:37.480 --> 01:31:41.880
when I was trying to process what I was so irritated was is I felt like I was

1465
01:31:41.880 --> 01:31:42.720
sharing things,

1466
01:31:42.720 --> 01:31:47.200
but he didn't seem to have interest to ask more questions about any of the

1467
01:31:47.200 --> 01:31:50.320
things I shared. Um, and I,

1468
01:31:50.600 --> 01:31:54.760
and I was feeling like some of the things of where he was trying to lead the

1469
01:31:54.800 --> 01:31:57.160
conversation. Um,

1470
01:31:57.360 --> 01:32:01.400
I think he was trying to tell me things about himself. Um,

1471
01:32:03.000 --> 01:32:07.560
and, but I was still like, what is he so, so what is he so concerned?

1472
01:32:07.600 --> 01:32:08.640
I, so I asked him like,

1473
01:32:09.200 --> 01:32:12.840
it sounds like you're really concerned that it's been three years for me since

1474
01:32:12.840 --> 01:32:16.000
I've been in a relationship, which had been longer,

1475
01:32:16.040 --> 01:32:20.600
but since he had just said three years, I just went with that. And he said,

1476
01:32:20.600 --> 01:32:22.960
no, I'm not concerned. You're a stranger.

1477
01:32:23.960 --> 01:32:28.000
And I'm not judging you. And so I was like, okay,

1478
01:32:28.000 --> 01:32:32.080
it feels like it because you keep bringing it up. But, um,

1479
01:32:32.800 --> 01:32:34.960
so I didn't know how to like, um,

1480
01:32:36.160 --> 01:32:39.600
if I'm overreacting and it's just hitting a button for me,

1481
01:32:40.360 --> 01:32:42.640
cause that's a kind of what it felt like, but,

1482
01:32:42.680 --> 01:32:44.960
or if it's just, he's being irritating. I don't know.

1483
01:32:45.120 --> 01:32:48.880
Yeah. I think it's using these opportunities,

1484
01:32:48.880 --> 01:32:51.560
these dating opportunities, like, like we always say, like,

1485
01:32:52.560 --> 01:32:57.520
utilize it to kind of see what you're feeling

1486
01:32:57.520 --> 01:33:01.360
and bringing up and in using it as an opportunity to press into the Lord more.

1487
01:33:04.480 --> 01:33:05.320
Cause

1488
01:33:06.960 --> 01:33:08.960
it almost sounds like he's,

1489
01:33:13.480 --> 01:33:16.880
yeah, I would just say lean in, lean in a little bit more about what,

1490
01:33:17.600 --> 01:33:21.400
what you're feeling and seeing what the Lord kind of wants to bring up there.

1491
01:33:22.200 --> 01:33:25.720
Um, cause like you said, you did feel reprimanded, you know,

1492
01:33:25.720 --> 01:33:29.560
he's saying that he's not judging you and he's not shaming you,

1493
01:33:29.560 --> 01:33:31.400
but you still felt it.

1494
01:33:31.920 --> 01:33:36.920
So asking the Lord to help you process what,

1495
01:33:37.200 --> 01:33:40.680
where that's coming from, you know,

1496
01:33:40.680 --> 01:33:43.440
where shame and judgment come from,

1497
01:33:43.440 --> 01:33:45.720
especially when it's being directed at you. And you know what,

1498
01:33:46.160 --> 01:33:49.800
he could say that he wasn't, but maybe he was, but at the end of the day,

1499
01:33:49.800 --> 01:33:54.680
whether you see this guy or not again, like it can be something that,

1500
01:33:54.680 --> 01:33:55.880
you know, you, you know,

1501
01:33:55.880 --> 01:33:59.160
if you come in contact with somebody else in the future that you feel that way,

1502
01:33:59.160 --> 01:34:02.800
it's just kind of resting in who you are.

1503
01:34:05.360 --> 01:34:10.200
And you know, there's no, there is no shame. If you've been in a ladies,

1504
01:34:10.840 --> 01:34:15.000
I wasn't in a relationship for almost eight years when I met my husband,

1505
01:34:16.000 --> 01:34:18.520
you know, and, and, and ladies,

1506
01:34:18.520 --> 01:34:21.880
you don't even have to share that information with somebody,

1507
01:34:23.320 --> 01:34:27.480
you know, you can just say it's, it's been a little while. And you know, I've,

1508
01:34:27.760 --> 01:34:32.440
I've, you know, been working on myself and enjoying my life.

1509
01:34:32.480 --> 01:34:33.320
And,

1510
01:34:33.440 --> 01:34:37.360
and now I'm in a stage where I'm excited to get to know more people and see

1511
01:34:37.360 --> 01:34:41.320
where it goes. You know, I do desire to have, you know,

1512
01:34:41.800 --> 01:34:44.560
a long-term relationship that looks, you know,

1513
01:34:44.560 --> 01:34:47.360
would end in marriage at some point in my life.

1514
01:34:47.760 --> 01:34:51.200
And so now I'm in a season of my life where I'm able to make that happen.

1515
01:34:51.200 --> 01:34:55.440
And I'm looking forward to it and, you know, maybe emphasize,

1516
01:34:55.440 --> 01:34:59.320
I'm not going to look so much at my past, but I'm looking forward, you know,

1517
01:34:59.320 --> 01:35:00.160
my

1518
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.120
that I've been on in the past has made me who I am and I'm thankful for it.

1519
01:35:05.360 --> 01:35:10.920
It's again, it's that exuding that confidence, you know, and, you know,

1520
01:35:10.920 --> 01:35:17.200
maybe asking yourself, do you have some unresolved things with, um, not being

1521
01:35:17.200 --> 01:35:18.400
in a relationship for three years?

1522
01:35:18.400 --> 01:35:23.360
I don't think you do, but again, these are all things that when you go in with,

1523
01:35:23.440 --> 01:35:27.680
you know, or, you know, conversation with the Lord, it's, it's looking, it's looking

1524
01:35:27.680 --> 01:35:31.640
at that and, and, and seeing what, what comes up.

1525
01:35:31.920 --> 01:35:36.960
One thing that also for you was the guy that also went or had, you had another

1526
01:35:36.960 --> 01:35:42.160
guy that went back and looked at your Facebook, like from same guy, same guy.

1527
01:35:42.440 --> 01:35:44.120
And he went back four years on.

1528
01:35:45.400 --> 01:35:46.680
I don't love that.

1529
01:35:47.240 --> 01:35:48.760
I really don't like that.

1530
01:35:48.760 --> 01:35:54.160
That seems and ladies, if guys are doing that and you notice they're doing that,

1531
01:35:54.400 --> 01:35:57.080
like that's where I'd just be like, eh, okay.

1532
01:35:58.360 --> 01:36:01.560
I also want to even encourage, like if you ladies are ones to do that,

1533
01:36:01.560 --> 01:36:04.640
cause I've done that in the past, I've gone back and like scrolled through

1534
01:36:04.640 --> 01:36:09.760
and like scoped out and been suspicious of people's past, let's be mindful that

1535
01:36:09.760 --> 01:36:15.000
if, if any of you ladies are doing that, but let's look at that.

1536
01:36:15.040 --> 01:36:19.080
But then if you are noticing guys are doing that too, just be, be aware of that.

1537
01:36:19.520 --> 01:36:23.120
Um, is, does he have access to your social media?

1538
01:36:23.120 --> 01:36:26.440
Like, does, are you, did you friend each other on, on, no,

1539
01:36:26.440 --> 01:36:27.600
we hadn't friend each other.

1540
01:36:27.600 --> 01:36:32.320
He had asked to friend me and then I see on, he had unasked to friend me.

1541
01:36:33.120 --> 01:36:36.680
Um, because I didn't accept it, your profile set to private.

1542
01:36:36.960 --> 01:36:39.120
No, because I'm a photographer.

1543
01:36:39.120 --> 01:36:42.640
And so it's like, I have to, well, I guess because I was a

1544
01:36:42.640 --> 01:36:44.360
photographer and then I didn't.

1545
01:36:45.280 --> 01:36:49.480
I, although I have a business account, but anyways, I just, I didn't.

1546
01:36:50.160 --> 01:36:54.040
Um, I would encourage you ladies.

1547
01:36:54.040 --> 01:36:59.560
Cause I like setting, set your profiles to private, but like you said, like you,

1548
01:36:59.720 --> 01:37:03.200
you're a photographer, so you want to share that ladies, if you don't know

1549
01:37:03.200 --> 01:37:08.680
this, when you post things on Facebook, you can edit your privacy setting

1550
01:37:08.720 --> 01:37:10.960
for each post that you put up there.

1551
01:37:11.840 --> 01:37:15.040
So I have some that like, I'll let all my friends see.

1552
01:37:16.040 --> 01:37:20.560
Then they, I have another feature where I've eliminated certain people.

1553
01:37:20.560 --> 01:37:24.160
Like a lot of people, maybe from my high school, like I had one dude

1554
01:37:24.240 --> 01:37:25.760
that I graduated high school.

1555
01:37:25.760 --> 01:37:29.920
I mean, I graduated in 2001, so it's been over 20 years and over 20 years.

1556
01:37:30.520 --> 01:37:35.560
And he would just creep on my social media, especially on posts

1557
01:37:35.560 --> 01:37:36.760
that I had with my son.

1558
01:37:37.680 --> 01:37:41.680
And I was like, okay, I need to go through and I really need to like

1559
01:37:42.240 --> 01:37:49.320
eliminate certain people or be mindful of who I'm sharing things with.

1560
01:37:49.320 --> 01:37:53.720
And so I have set certain, I mean, you can literally make little

1561
01:37:53.720 --> 01:37:55.840
profiles of like groups of friends.

1562
01:37:56.240 --> 01:38:00.320
And you can, when you post something, you can go to that privacy setting

1563
01:38:00.320 --> 01:38:02.160
and set it to only certain people.

1564
01:38:02.640 --> 01:38:06.840
So if you have a photography post that you want, you want people to see whether

1565
01:38:06.840 --> 01:38:10.480
you're friends with them or not, you could set that to all it's public.

1566
01:38:11.040 --> 01:38:16.880
Now they don't have something maybe about, you know, family or, um, maybe

1567
01:38:16.880 --> 01:38:18.840
you're traveling or something like that.

1568
01:38:18.840 --> 01:38:25.560
And you only want a select few people being able to see that you're traveling

1569
01:38:25.600 --> 01:38:28.400
or something that has to do with family.

1570
01:38:28.680 --> 01:38:31.160
So I would strongly encourage you ladies.

1571
01:38:31.200 --> 01:38:36.400
If you don't already have your things, your social media accounts, really

1572
01:38:36.440 --> 01:38:44.000
take time to look into that and, and filtering what you post and who can see

1573
01:38:44.000 --> 01:38:50.160
it, especially when we're using, you know, online dating, I mean, I'll be honest.

1574
01:38:50.160 --> 01:38:53.880
I would, I would background check some of the guys too.

1575
01:38:54.160 --> 01:38:55.920
Now I'm not going back four years.

1576
01:38:55.920 --> 01:38:59.240
Cause if I'm going back four years, like when at that point, you're

1577
01:38:59.240 --> 01:39:00.520
just trying to be suspicious.

1578
01:39:01.440 --> 01:39:03.280
You're trying to dig, right?

1579
01:39:03.880 --> 01:39:06.000
You want to see what their past relationships look like?

1580
01:39:06.000 --> 01:39:09.680
What kind of, maybe what the girls that he was dating prior to looked like.

1581
01:39:09.880 --> 01:39:11.840
And maybe some of these dudes are doing that to you too.

1582
01:39:11.840 --> 01:39:15.600
And then if they are, that might be a big yellow flag.

1583
01:39:16.480 --> 01:39:17.040
All right.

1584
01:39:18.120 --> 01:39:21.280
You know, I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but I would just, I'd bring it up.

1585
01:39:21.280 --> 01:39:25.560
Be like, dude, like I noticed that you, you looked back, like, can I ask you?

1586
01:39:26.360 --> 01:39:27.200
You do that a lot.

1587
01:39:27.240 --> 01:39:30.200
Do you do search through very blunt?

1588
01:39:30.240 --> 01:39:35.560
Like if y'all don't, you know, if you haven't gotten to know me, um, too well

1589
01:39:35.600 --> 01:39:40.600
to, you know, yeah, I can be pretty blunt, you know, I'm pretty forward.

1590
01:39:40.600 --> 01:39:41.920
I'm pretty opinionated.

1591
01:39:42.040 --> 01:39:46.360
I, you know, I will, I will say it like it is, especially the

1592
01:39:46.360 --> 01:39:48.120
people that I don't really know.

1593
01:39:48.680 --> 01:39:53.320
So sometimes I, you know, I'll give you ladies feedback of just, you know, put

1594
01:39:53.320 --> 01:39:56.480
it out there, throw it on the table, you know, communicate it.

1595
01:39:56.480 --> 01:39:59.360
If there's something that's making you uncomfortable, say, Hey, look, this is

1596
01:39:59.360 --> 01:40:00.000
really making me.

1597
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.160
and comfortable, can you help me understand

1598
01:40:02.160 --> 01:40:04.000
why you would do something like that?

1599
01:40:05.120 --> 01:40:06.760
I mean, let them respond.

1600
01:40:07.640 --> 01:40:10.280
You know, my husband asked to kiss me on my first date

1601
01:40:10.280 --> 01:40:12.880
and I was like, no, no, you cannot kiss me.

1602
01:40:12.880 --> 01:40:13.720
Do you wanna know why?

1603
01:40:13.720 --> 01:40:14.540
I'll tell you why.

1604
01:40:14.540 --> 01:40:15.380
He was like, you don't have to tell me why.

1605
01:40:15.380 --> 01:40:16.560
And I was like, well, I'm gonna tell you why

1606
01:40:16.560 --> 01:40:18.800
I don't want you kissing me on the first date.

1607
01:40:18.800 --> 01:40:20.880
You know, and he was really respectful about it.

1608
01:40:20.880 --> 01:40:24.480
And even then when we were, you know, level three,

1609
01:40:24.480 --> 01:40:26.320
you know, he still didn't assume that

1610
01:40:26.320 --> 01:40:28.040
just because now we were in a committed,

1611
01:40:28.040 --> 01:40:30.240
exclusive relationship that I was ready to kiss him.

1612
01:40:30.240 --> 01:40:34.280
He let me let him know when I was ready.

1613
01:40:34.280 --> 01:40:39.280
So yeah, just all things ladies to think about.

1614
01:40:39.640 --> 01:40:43.880
We're coming up here on about two hours.

1615
01:40:43.880 --> 01:40:46.560
So I know a lot of you, like Shelly,

1616
01:40:46.560 --> 01:40:48.800
your phone's about to die.

1617
01:40:48.800 --> 01:40:50.880
I think a few people had it cut out.

1618
01:40:52.280 --> 01:40:56.240
So I do wanna release you ladies.

1619
01:40:56.280 --> 01:41:00.600
So I just know that this is in replay.

1620
01:41:00.600 --> 01:41:03.160
So if any of your sisters that you saw on

1621
01:41:03.160 --> 01:41:04.720
and had to fall off of, you know,

1622
01:41:04.720 --> 01:41:07.260
just go and let them know we are recording it.

1623
01:41:07.260 --> 01:41:10.480
And then we will be back again tonight.

1624
01:41:10.480 --> 01:41:13.400
Ebony, one of our other phase two coaches,

1625
01:41:13.400 --> 01:41:16.280
she will be doing the live session tonight

1626
01:41:16.280 --> 01:41:19.080
at eight o'clock Eastern time.

1627
01:41:19.080 --> 01:41:22.440
So I hope that you ladies got some good information.

1628
01:41:22.440 --> 01:41:24.520
Elizabeth, I hope that you feel

1629
01:41:24.520 --> 01:41:26.560
that you got some clarity here

1630
01:41:26.560 --> 01:41:29.320
and that, you know, things are,

1631
01:41:29.320 --> 01:41:34.320
you're feeling at peace about things, I hope.

1632
01:41:34.840 --> 01:41:38.320
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I am.

1633
01:41:38.320 --> 01:41:39.760
I think when he had went back,

1634
01:41:39.760 --> 01:41:43.760
I had, one of the things I also had seen was

1635
01:41:43.760 --> 01:41:46.080
he had liked one of those stupid games,

1636
01:41:46.080 --> 01:41:47.760
you know, those games where it says like,

1637
01:41:47.760 --> 01:41:51.200
Elizabeth is most attracted to, and it said black men.

1638
01:41:51.200 --> 01:41:52.600
Well, he's not black.

1639
01:41:52.600 --> 01:41:56.600
And I still had that posted from like four years ago.

1640
01:41:56.600 --> 01:42:00.160
And he put like a shocked face on it.

1641
01:42:00.160 --> 01:42:04.040
And so I was like, oops, well, that actually is,

1642
01:42:04.040 --> 01:42:06.360
I realized, okay, that actually is,

1643
01:42:07.840 --> 01:42:10.360
I realized I'm communicating something.

1644
01:42:10.360 --> 01:42:11.200
And I realized-

1645
01:42:11.200 --> 01:42:12.960
But remember that was four years ago.

1646
01:42:12.960 --> 01:42:16.360
You are a different person now than you were four years ago.

1647
01:42:16.360 --> 01:42:17.560
Right, but I also-

1648
01:42:17.560 --> 01:42:21.040
And again, we all know there are some of those like

1649
01:42:21.040 --> 01:42:24.240
quirky little games and things like that on Facebook.

1650
01:42:24.240 --> 01:42:26.480
I wouldn't read that into that too much.

1651
01:42:26.480 --> 01:42:28.640
I mean, unless when you took that,

1652
01:42:28.640 --> 01:42:30.000
you really did truly feel like

1653
01:42:30.000 --> 01:42:32.600
that was what you wanted to put out there.

1654
01:42:32.600 --> 01:42:34.160
Or were you just doing it for laughs?

1655
01:42:34.160 --> 01:42:35.920
I thought it was just fun.

1656
01:42:35.920 --> 01:42:39.920
Yeah, so I wouldn't overthink all of that stuff.

1657
01:42:39.920 --> 01:42:43.640
And, you know, and again, just kind of, you know,

1658
01:42:45.400 --> 01:42:47.720
lean in a little bit and see, you know,

1659
01:42:47.880 --> 01:42:51.080
if there's some insecurity that maybe you're feeling

1660
01:42:51.080 --> 01:42:51.920
or, I mean, and I don't know

1661
01:42:51.920 --> 01:42:53.600
if that's what you're feeling or not,

1662
01:42:53.600 --> 01:42:57.760
but, you know, what again is being revealed here?

1663
01:42:58.880 --> 01:43:00.120
And again, maybe it's just,

1664
01:43:00.120 --> 01:43:01.880
maybe it was just not a great date.

1665
01:43:03.160 --> 01:43:04.200
Maybe not.

1666
01:43:04.200 --> 01:43:08.000
And maybe you're just like, okay, I learned something.

1667
01:43:08.000 --> 01:43:09.040
I learned what I like.

1668
01:43:09.040 --> 01:43:10.840
I learned what I didn't like.

1669
01:43:10.840 --> 01:43:12.720
And you can just move on.

1670
01:43:12.720 --> 01:43:13.760
Yay.

1671
01:43:13.760 --> 01:43:17.120
You know, like ladies, it's a yes until it's a no,

1672
01:43:17.120 --> 01:43:19.320
and it's okay if it's a no.

1673
01:43:19.320 --> 01:43:20.920
It totally is.

1674
01:43:20.920 --> 01:43:21.760
I just wasn't sure.

1675
01:43:21.760 --> 01:43:24.400
Do I have to really give them three dates?

1676
01:43:24.400 --> 01:43:26.480
If this guy, like, honestly,

1677
01:43:26.480 --> 01:43:29.080
I don't love the fact that he's gone back

1678
01:43:29.080 --> 01:43:31.280
to your Facebook for years.

1679
01:43:32.960 --> 01:43:35.600
Like to me, that would, I'd be okay to move on.

1680
01:43:36.560 --> 01:43:38.880
Okay, because I was like, is that a yellow flag

1681
01:43:38.880 --> 01:43:41.000
or is that a red flag?

1682
01:43:41.000 --> 01:43:42.160
You know?

1683
01:43:42.160 --> 01:43:44.200
Yeah, if it's not enjoyable, ladies,

1684
01:43:44.200 --> 01:43:45.640
if you're going on these dates

1685
01:43:45.640 --> 01:43:48.800
and they're just not enjoyable,

1686
01:43:48.800 --> 01:43:53.200
it's okay not to continue going on not enjoyable dates.

1687
01:43:53.200 --> 01:43:57.400
Like we want this dating process to be enjoyable.

1688
01:43:57.400 --> 01:44:00.920
And if it's not enjoyable, don't torture yourself.

1689
01:44:00.920 --> 01:44:01.760
All right?

1690
01:44:01.760 --> 01:44:04.320
Now, if you're finding yourself constantly feeling

1691
01:44:04.320 --> 01:44:08.520
like every date you go on sucks and is not fun,

1692
01:44:08.520 --> 01:44:10.760
then that's when we need to kind of go through

1693
01:44:10.760 --> 01:44:13.040
and assess and maybe get some revealing

1694
01:44:13.040 --> 01:44:14.400
and healing happening.

1695
01:44:14.440 --> 01:44:16.800
You know, why is this consistently happening

1696
01:44:16.800 --> 01:44:18.400
with several different people?

1697
01:44:18.400 --> 01:44:20.040
If there's just one guy that's just,

1698
01:44:20.040 --> 01:44:23.000
it's not your cup of tea, you're not vibing,

1699
01:44:23.000 --> 01:44:25.440
it's not enjoyable, you don't like it,

1700
01:44:25.440 --> 01:44:28.960
it's okay to shift and move on.

1701
01:44:28.960 --> 01:44:30.080
Okay?

1702
01:44:30.080 --> 01:44:31.080
Thank you.

1703
01:44:31.080 --> 01:44:32.600
You are welcome.

1704
01:44:32.600 --> 01:44:36.720
All right, ladies, have an awesome rest of your day.

1705
01:44:36.720 --> 01:44:39.120
I look forward to seeing y'all in the app

1706
01:44:39.120 --> 01:44:42.320
and on next week's call, okay?

1707
01:44:42.320 --> 01:44:43.680
Thanks, Carla.

1708
01:44:43.760 --> 01:44:45.080
You're welcome.

1709
01:44:45.080 --> 01:44:46.720
Talk to you ladies later.