WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.080
All right, so Bethany is on a much-needed vacation, so we're excited for her to be able

2
00:00:07.080 --> 00:00:10.280
to go and have some time with her husband.

3
00:00:10.280 --> 00:00:12.520
You know, you guys, they're newlyweds in a lot of ways.

4
00:00:12.520 --> 00:00:14.800
They've only been married for a couple years.

5
00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:19.640
As you know, she is a success story from this movement, and when she came in, she was just

6
00:00:19.640 --> 00:00:21.380
like y'all.

7
00:00:21.380 --> 00:00:26.320
And now she is off on a cruise with her husband, right?

8
00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:27.320
She married a pastor.

9
00:00:27.400 --> 00:00:30.960
I know a lot of people aren't praying to marry a pastor.

10
00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:34.640
I don't think that she was either, but she is a pastor.

11
00:00:34.640 --> 00:00:36.880
You know, she has a pastoring gift.

12
00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:42.640
She has a shepherding gift, and so it makes sense that two pastors would end up together.

13
00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:46.620
I've always hated the term pastor's wife because it's like, eh.

14
00:00:46.620 --> 00:00:50.480
If you're not really a shepherding heart, then you shouldn't marry someone who is a

15
00:00:50.480 --> 00:00:51.480
shepherd.

16
00:00:51.480 --> 00:00:56.480
You know, it doesn't matter if they're a shepherd of their business or of a church.

17
00:00:56.480 --> 00:01:00.600
If that is what they do, if they shepherd people and you don't really care that much

18
00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:04.420
for people, you're like the kind of person who can kind of take or leave people as far

19
00:01:04.420 --> 00:01:08.800
as an intimacy and vulnerability, then you probably shouldn't marry someone who does

20
00:01:08.800 --> 00:01:15.060
that as their vocation because it will probably be really uncomfortable for you.

21
00:01:15.060 --> 00:01:16.940
So that's just a little two cents there.

22
00:01:16.940 --> 00:01:19.360
So she's off doing that, and so here I am.

23
00:01:19.360 --> 00:01:20.360
I am the OG heartwork.

24
00:01:20.360 --> 00:01:24.260
I actually created the heartwork, so if you're new to me, welcome to me.

25
00:01:24.260 --> 00:01:27.940
You should have seen my face on all the videos that you're watching right now.

26
00:01:27.940 --> 00:01:33.340
I created this program almost 10 years ago, but I have been helping people do the heartwork

27
00:01:33.340 --> 00:01:35.420
for 28 years.

28
00:01:35.420 --> 00:01:43.340
For 28 years, but I created an actual systematic proprietary protocol called the heartwork

29
00:01:43.340 --> 00:01:44.740
almost 10 years ago.

30
00:01:44.740 --> 00:01:49.220
This coming year, it's going to be 10 years.

31
00:01:49.220 --> 00:01:52.000
Mind-blowing how time flies, right?

32
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:57.000
And so I would love to see what week you are in of the heartwork of phase one of last

33
00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:58.000
year's singles.

34
00:01:58.000 --> 00:01:59.920
So go ahead and put that in the chat.

35
00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:00.920
Tell me what week you're in.

36
00:02:00.920 --> 00:02:05.600
One, two, three, four, five.

37
00:02:05.600 --> 00:02:07.720
We're going to have some fun today together.

38
00:02:07.720 --> 00:02:11.080
Ooh, a lot of week ones just starting off.

39
00:02:11.080 --> 00:02:14.840
Amy and Laura, welcome to supernatural surrender.

40
00:02:14.840 --> 00:02:16.600
Maria is in the real Maria.

41
00:02:16.600 --> 00:02:22.560
The real Maria is coming to the surface in week five of becoming the real you.

42
00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:24.280
So that's exciting.

43
00:02:24.280 --> 00:02:28.260
Carly is knee deep in forgiveness templates in week four.

44
00:02:28.260 --> 00:02:29.560
That's a hard week, you guys.

45
00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:32.800
Make sure you are taking ample time for that.

46
00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:35.000
Laura, another week one.

47
00:02:35.000 --> 00:02:40.640
Oh, well, actually, that's still Laura.

48
00:02:40.640 --> 00:02:43.480
Phase two, but I get a ton out of these Zooms.

49
00:02:43.480 --> 00:02:45.400
Oh, so you've been kind of double dipping.

50
00:02:45.400 --> 00:02:46.400
Kylie's been back.

51
00:02:47.200 --> 00:02:51.760
She's over in the love story accelerator phase, the dating phase, which is phase two, but

52
00:02:51.760 --> 00:02:54.160
she loves these heartwork calls.

53
00:02:54.160 --> 00:02:56.120
So she's back here.

54
00:02:56.120 --> 00:03:00.200
Pamela is also in her forgiveness week.

55
00:03:00.200 --> 00:03:05.520
Mingling is also in phase two, but she's also coming back to make sure that she is up to

56
00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:06.640
date on her heartwork.

57
00:03:06.640 --> 00:03:07.640
I love that.

58
00:03:07.640 --> 00:03:08.640
Ladies, that's great.

59
00:03:08.640 --> 00:03:14.760
And of course, you always have the option to come to any of the live calls.

60
00:03:14.760 --> 00:03:22.800
Any live calls that you have the prerequisite for, meaning that you can't go to phase two

61
00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:27.800
live calls until you are in phase two, but once you get to phase three, there isn't anything

62
00:03:27.800 --> 00:03:32.520
that can stop you from going to phase two and phase one live calls if you wanted to.

63
00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:38.620
Although we have a whole beautiful calendar of things that are only for phase three.

64
00:03:38.620 --> 00:03:39.780
Things like path sessions.

65
00:03:39.780 --> 00:03:42.720
We have one tomorrow night about prophetic processing.

66
00:03:42.720 --> 00:03:46.800
How do you take a word that you believe that God has spoken to you?

67
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:48.440
How do you walk that out practically?

68
00:03:48.440 --> 00:03:49.440
What does that look like?

69
00:03:49.440 --> 00:03:51.360
Supernaturally, what does that look like?

70
00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:52.360
How do you do that?

71
00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:55.840
So we are going to have a prophetic processing class tomorrow.

72
00:03:55.840 --> 00:03:59.880
And so those are the kinds of things that you can look forward to in phase three.

73
00:03:59.880 --> 00:04:04.800
Also other things like dating, coaching, love seats, all different types of things.

74
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:07.680
Ask Jackie is in phase two and three.

75
00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:12.440
So all different types of fun things happen in those other community phases as well.

76
00:04:12.440 --> 00:04:13.440
All right.

77
00:04:13.440 --> 00:04:17.040
So I do have a little bit of housekeeping that I'm supposed to go over with you guys.

78
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:19.880
So welcome to all the new ladies that are in supernatural surrender.

79
00:04:19.880 --> 00:04:22.440
Do not mail that weekend.

80
00:04:22.440 --> 00:04:26.440
What you do during that week is going to set you up for everything that happens from that

81
00:04:26.440 --> 00:04:28.400
point forward.

82
00:04:28.400 --> 00:04:32.680
So often we think that God is holding out on us, that he just doesn't love us, doesn't

83
00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:33.680
care about us.

84
00:04:33.680 --> 00:04:37.720
But we don't realize that God cannot circumvent your free will.

85
00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:42.200
I remember when I learned that I was not a new Christian.

86
00:04:42.200 --> 00:04:43.880
I met Jesus in my twenties.

87
00:04:43.880 --> 00:04:50.160
I wasn't a new Christian when I learned that, but I wasn't too far along in my discipleship.

88
00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:56.400
I probably was about six, seven years in, and I was very frustrated because all the

89
00:04:56.400 --> 00:04:59.920
things that I was hearing in church, all the things I was reading in the Bible, all the

90
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.200
things I was getting from any kind of classes or workshops I was going to, they weren't

91
00:05:04.200 --> 00:05:07.500
happening in my own life.

92
00:05:07.500 --> 00:05:13.140
It wasn't being activated in my own life and I didn't realize that you cannot have God's

93
00:05:13.140 --> 00:05:18.240
will while simultaneously having your own.

94
00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:20.500
Those two things are mutually exclusive.

95
00:05:20.500 --> 00:05:23.820
Now sometimes they are cohesive.

96
00:05:23.820 --> 00:05:25.480
Sometimes they're the same.

97
00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:31.240
Sometimes they are the same but not always are they the same and so surrendering the

98
00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:35.700
pen to God is what you do in the first week of heart work and it is what you're going

99
00:05:35.700 --> 00:05:41.020
to continue to do for the rest of your life.

100
00:05:41.020 --> 00:05:47.520
In fact I will tell you, here's a little pro tip, when an area of my life really is not

101
00:05:47.520 --> 00:05:55.560
going smoothly, it's usually because I'm authoring that chapter.

102
00:05:55.560 --> 00:05:59.840
Now does that mean if we surrender the pen to God that things are going to become easy?

103
00:05:59.840 --> 00:06:01.400
I never used the word easy.

104
00:06:01.400 --> 00:06:06.460
In fact I don't ever use the word easy except in the quote that I say, you don't need easy,

105
00:06:06.460 --> 00:06:08.840
you just need worth it.

106
00:06:08.840 --> 00:06:15.680
And the reason why I don't say easy is because there's no such thing as easy in this world

107
00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:16.680
that we live in.

108
00:06:16.840 --> 00:06:18.640
There's no such thing as easy.

109
00:06:18.640 --> 00:06:20.280
It's not going to be easy.

110
00:06:20.280 --> 00:06:21.320
It's going to be a challenge.

111
00:06:21.320 --> 00:06:22.320
It's going to stretch you.

112
00:06:22.320 --> 00:06:24.320
It's supposed to.

113
00:06:24.320 --> 00:06:25.640
It's supposed to.

114
00:06:25.640 --> 00:06:32.200
And so surrendering the pen and you guys, if you want to have a tangible activation,

115
00:06:32.200 --> 00:06:34.880
I really like tangible activations.

116
00:06:34.880 --> 00:06:36.520
That's why the Jesus Cares Board exists.

117
00:06:36.520 --> 00:06:38.640
How many of you did a Jesus Cares Board?

118
00:06:38.640 --> 00:06:42.800
For those of you that are in week one, you should be learning about that soon.

119
00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:46.400
Raise your hand if you did a Jesus Cares Board.

120
00:06:46.400 --> 00:06:57.920
So my Jesus Cares Board was born out of me being a control freak and me constantly being

121
00:06:57.920 --> 00:07:02.760
overwhelmed with fear and worry.

122
00:07:02.760 --> 00:07:07.740
Because how many of you know that there are a bazillion things that happen even every

123
00:07:07.740 --> 00:07:13.000
day that you absolutely cannot control?

124
00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:14.000
You can't.

125
00:07:14.600 --> 00:07:17.360
I've tried.

126
00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:19.800
I tried to control myself and everybody else around me.

127
00:07:19.800 --> 00:07:22.240
I've tried to control what comes in and what goes out.

128
00:07:22.240 --> 00:07:25.960
I've tried to control what happens, what doesn't happen.

129
00:07:25.960 --> 00:07:32.480
You know, and I found myself with a big fat anxiety disorder, panic disorder.

130
00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:36.280
I probably had 20 or more panic attacks a day.

131
00:07:36.280 --> 00:07:42.360
And they were all stemming from a very tumultuous, abusive childhood where I always felt out

132
00:07:42.360 --> 00:07:47.000
of control and always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always sleeping with one eye

133
00:07:47.000 --> 00:07:49.360
open, wondering what was going to happen next.

134
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:54.920
And so when I became old enough to make my own decisions and not have to answer to abusive

135
00:07:54.920 --> 00:08:00.320
people around me who didn't have my best interest at heart, and by the way, that age was 16

136
00:08:00.320 --> 00:08:04.720
because I went to live in a girl's home at 14, and by 16 I was couch surfing and emancipated

137
00:08:04.720 --> 00:08:08.640
pretty much out of foster care type situations.

138
00:08:08.640 --> 00:08:12.560
By 17, I lived with my boyfriend in a whole nother state than the one that I had been

139
00:08:12.560 --> 00:08:13.560
raised in.

140
00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:16.800
And so I was in control, right?

141
00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:18.480
But not.

142
00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:23.240
And so I was overcome with worry and with dread all the time because deep down inside,

143
00:08:23.240 --> 00:08:27.800
even before I knew Jesus, I knew that even though I was trying to make sure that nothing

144
00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:36.240
bad ever got all the way to me, that having a life of hypervigilance, trying to keep myself

145
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:40.840
safe was exhausting.

146
00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:45.480
And so one day, I would love to tell you that it was early in my discipleship, but it wasn't.

147
00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:49.920
I had already been a Christian, a Christ follower for over 10 years.

148
00:08:49.920 --> 00:08:56.480
One day I was facing some things that were just not allowing me to sleep, not allowing

149
00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:03.460
me to eat, that I was continuously just in so much fear about.

150
00:09:03.460 --> 00:09:07.620
And while everyone else was sleeping and I wasn't, God just spoke to me and he said,

151
00:09:07.620 --> 00:09:11.100
what are you doing?

152
00:09:11.100 --> 00:09:12.620
I thought you belonged to me.

153
00:09:12.620 --> 00:09:13.620
Don't you belong to me?

154
00:09:13.620 --> 00:09:14.620
Well, yeah, God, I do.

155
00:09:14.620 --> 00:09:15.620
I belong to you.

156
00:09:15.620 --> 00:09:17.940
Guys, I was in ministry.

157
00:09:17.940 --> 00:09:19.620
I've been in ministry for 28 years.

158
00:09:19.620 --> 00:09:23.980
I was a leader in the Christian faith.

159
00:09:23.980 --> 00:09:27.500
And because of giftings, that's important for you to recognize.

160
00:09:27.500 --> 00:09:31.300
There's a lot of leaders that have no business being leaders, but because they're very gifted

161
00:09:31.300 --> 00:09:34.380
spiritually, they become leaders.

162
00:09:34.380 --> 00:09:38.820
Because what Christianity does is it takes its most gifted people and it puts it on platforms,

163
00:09:38.820 --> 00:09:42.180
even though there isn't the character integrity to back that up.

164
00:09:42.180 --> 00:09:44.460
There isn't the history with God to back that up yet.

165
00:09:44.460 --> 00:09:46.060
And I didn't have enough history with God.

166
00:09:46.060 --> 00:09:47.820
I didn't have enough heart work or healing.

167
00:09:47.820 --> 00:09:49.220
I didn't even know what the heart work was yet.

168
00:09:49.220 --> 00:09:52.060
In fact, this is how the heart work was born.

169
00:09:52.060 --> 00:09:59.420
Okay, Jackie, so if you belong to me, then who does this issue belong to?

170
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.560
Because once again, you guys, this was a very tormenting, horrible issue.

171
00:10:05.560 --> 00:10:14.240
And I said, well, it belongs to me because I knew that I had created the problem by not

172
00:10:14.240 --> 00:10:16.320
listening to God in the first place.

173
00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:17.960
Anybody else?

174
00:10:17.960 --> 00:10:23.920
Anybody else kind of ignored that still small voice, ignored that check in your spirit is

175
00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:29.120
what they call it, ignored that discernment and kind of rushed 100 miles an hour off the

176
00:10:29.160 --> 00:10:30.160
edge of the cliff?

177
00:10:30.160 --> 00:10:33.160
No, just me, right?

178
00:10:33.160 --> 00:10:35.760
Nobody else ever.

179
00:10:35.760 --> 00:10:40.640
So that's how this situation had been created.

180
00:10:40.640 --> 00:10:43.000
That's how it had been created.

181
00:10:43.000 --> 00:10:49.240
You guys, the day that I took the job that had created the situation, I was a media consultant

182
00:10:49.240 --> 00:10:51.000
back there, back then.

183
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:57.980
The day that I had taken the job to be a media consultant for a specific brand, that very

184
00:10:57.980 --> 00:11:02.580
day that I had said, yes, yes, I would love to have this job.

185
00:11:02.580 --> 00:11:13.240
That very day that I said, yes, I was in the DMs of one of the principal thought leaders

186
00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:15.560
of that brand.

187
00:11:15.560 --> 00:11:20.660
And I saw this person having an affair on their wife.

188
00:11:20.660 --> 00:11:23.700
Y'all, I saw it with my own eyes.

189
00:11:23.700 --> 00:11:29.020
I saw direct messages that I wasn't supposed to see.

190
00:11:29.020 --> 00:11:36.380
You guys, I didn't, I hadn't even said yes to the job for over more than two hours.

191
00:11:36.380 --> 00:11:39.300
And God's like, look and see.

192
00:11:39.300 --> 00:11:47.300
Guys, I had the opportunity to be out right then to be like, oh yeah, thanks for the offer.

193
00:11:47.300 --> 00:11:50.540
Thanks for the opportunity, but I'm actually going to go a different direction.

194
00:11:50.540 --> 00:11:53.340
I wouldn't have had to say anything to anybody.

195
00:11:53.340 --> 00:12:01.180
I wouldn't have had to, hey, you know what, not my monkey, not my circus, right?

196
00:12:01.180 --> 00:12:10.980
But I got it in my confused little heart that I could fix it, right?

197
00:12:10.980 --> 00:12:12.500
I can fix this.

198
00:12:12.500 --> 00:12:13.500
I can help.

199
00:12:13.500 --> 00:12:14.500
I can help.

200
00:12:14.500 --> 00:12:16.820
I can, you know, whatever.

201
00:12:16.820 --> 00:12:18.780
And so, and I really wanted it.

202
00:12:18.780 --> 00:12:20.940
It was a very prestigious job.

203
00:12:20.980 --> 00:12:23.540
So my pride, my ego, everything got in the way.

204
00:12:23.540 --> 00:12:28.900
And so even though God allowed me to see what was really happening behind the scenes, and

205
00:12:28.900 --> 00:12:35.740
by the way, all these people that are boohooing about all these mega pastors and mega churches

206
00:12:35.740 --> 00:12:40.220
that are crumbling right now, you saw all those dead bodies.

207
00:12:40.220 --> 00:12:45.320
You knew, don't tell me you didn't know that there was being, there was people being abused.

208
00:12:45.320 --> 00:12:48.260
Don't tell me that you didn't know that there was control issues.

209
00:12:48.260 --> 00:12:50.540
Don't tell me that you didn't know there was legalism.

210
00:12:50.540 --> 00:12:52.980
Don't tell me you didn't have a check in your spirit, because then that tells me you

211
00:12:52.980 --> 00:12:59.140
don't know Holy Spirit, because Holy Spirit shows us pretty quickly what's going on.

212
00:12:59.140 --> 00:13:03.020
And here's the thing, just because you see what's going on doesn't mean that it doesn't

213
00:13:03.020 --> 00:13:04.020
become your assignment.

214
00:13:04.020 --> 00:13:10.020
Sometimes we'll be assigned, we'll just still, we'll still know what's up, right?

215
00:13:10.020 --> 00:13:15.180
But for me in this situation, I was being shown, this is not a good situation.

216
00:13:15.180 --> 00:13:16.180
Don't do it.

217
00:13:16.180 --> 00:13:17.660
But I did it anyway.

218
00:13:17.660 --> 00:13:20.860
And y'all, it got worse.

219
00:13:20.860 --> 00:13:21.860
It got worse.

220
00:13:21.860 --> 00:13:22.860
And guess what?

221
00:13:22.860 --> 00:13:24.100
More dead bodies started showing up.

222
00:13:24.100 --> 00:13:28.780
I found out where all the bodies were buried in just a little bit of time.

223
00:13:28.780 --> 00:13:30.980
And I wasn't making it better.

224
00:13:30.980 --> 00:13:38.740
In fact, I somehow, my disobedience was making it worse.

225
00:13:38.740 --> 00:13:42.940
And then fast forward a year later, when this story picks up about God saying, hey, who

226
00:13:42.940 --> 00:13:44.660
do you belong to?

227
00:13:44.660 --> 00:13:49.220
I had gotten myself in so deep that I was being sued.

228
00:13:49.220 --> 00:13:57.980
Yes, you guys, I was being sued, and I didn't even do anything wrong.

229
00:13:57.980 --> 00:13:59.420
But I had no money.

230
00:13:59.420 --> 00:14:00.420
And guess what?

231
00:14:00.420 --> 00:14:06.540
Other people involved in the situation had all the money, and they were tormenting me

232
00:14:06.540 --> 00:14:12.420
and threatening me on a daily basis to the point, y'all, I was being so gaslit, and I

233
00:14:12.420 --> 00:14:16.260
was being so threatened, and I was being so tormented that it caused me to have a

234
00:14:16.260 --> 00:14:19.580
mental health breakdown.

235
00:14:19.580 --> 00:14:22.660
So fast forward to this moment, God's like, who do you belong to?

236
00:14:22.660 --> 00:14:23.660
You.

237
00:14:23.660 --> 00:14:25.220
You, God, I belong to you.

238
00:14:25.220 --> 00:14:26.220
All right.

239
00:14:26.220 --> 00:14:27.540
Who does this problem belong to?

240
00:14:27.540 --> 00:14:33.020
Well, I had to say me, because it's like, I knew you were trouble when you walked in.

241
00:14:33.020 --> 00:14:34.020
Right?

242
00:14:34.020 --> 00:14:35.020
That's what happened.

243
00:14:35.020 --> 00:14:36.020
I knew.

244
00:14:36.020 --> 00:14:38.820
But I did it anyway.

245
00:14:38.820 --> 00:14:40.740
And God's like, Jackie.

246
00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:45.500
He said, if you belong to me, then your problems, whether they were self-created or not, also

247
00:14:45.500 --> 00:14:47.860
belong to me.

248
00:14:47.860 --> 00:14:48.860
And guess what?

249
00:14:48.860 --> 00:14:49.860
I don't have any problems.

250
00:14:49.860 --> 00:14:50.860
Boom.

251
00:14:50.860 --> 00:14:51.860
Boom, shakalaka.

252
00:14:51.860 --> 00:14:55.420
Just mic drop right there.

253
00:14:55.420 --> 00:14:59.980
And there was a deliverance in that moment when I realized that if I was going

254
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.760
to be, and somebody has to write this down, if God is asking us to fully surrender to him,

255
00:15:05.760 --> 00:15:11.600
he's also asking us to surrender our problems to him and our issues to him, not just our good bits,

256
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:20.160
but our unlovely bits too. There's no such thing as, oh, well, I created this, so this is still

257
00:15:20.160 --> 00:15:27.920
my problem, but I belong to you, God. No. The divorce, the custody arrangement, the financial

258
00:15:27.920 --> 00:15:34.560
issues that you created for yourself because you a spender, all that stuff belongs to the Lord.

259
00:15:36.240 --> 00:15:39.840
And that's what the word repentance means. It means we're going to turn away from

260
00:15:39.840 --> 00:15:45.760
the behavior that caused those issues, and we're going to turn towards God's grace and mercy.

261
00:15:46.800 --> 00:15:51.360
And I was able to do that that night, and almost immediately peace came, shalom peace,

262
00:15:51.360 --> 00:15:56.960
the kind of peace that devours the chaos, it came in, okay? And then what happened next is God gave

263
00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:02.480
me, because remember I said I really love a tangible activation, God gave me the activation

264
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:08.800
of the Jesus Cares Board. Jackie, I need you to have a place, because you a controlling little

265
00:16:08.800 --> 00:16:15.520
girl, I need you to have a place where you admit that you can't fix this stuff, but you can actually

266
00:16:15.520 --> 00:16:22.240
see that you've given it to me. And you guys, there was a supernatural release when I would

267
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:27.360
take it and I would put that post-it note over there, because all mine is is one big post-it note,

268
00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:34.800
one of those big ones with littler ones on it, and scriptures. So when I activate and I put

269
00:16:34.800 --> 00:16:41.280
something on there, I know that I'm no longer meddling with that thing, okay? And I'm not

270
00:16:41.280 --> 00:16:47.680
letting it meddle with me. If God needs my help in sorting that out, getting it sorted, He's going

271
00:16:47.680 --> 00:16:54.160
to let me know. But in the meantime, it's safely with Him, and a lot of times those things become

272
00:16:54.160 --> 00:16:59.520
unproblems. They unproblem themselves, meaning that I thought it was a problem and I was making

273
00:16:59.520 --> 00:17:06.160
it into a problem, and my mind was forecasting it into an even bigger mountain situation, when

274
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:10.400
after I released it to Him, it just got littler and littler and littler, and then just poof, it

275
00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:16.400
disappeared. And then there are other times where, especially if it involves other people and their

276
00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:21.520
free will, that you just continue to pray over your Jesus Cares Board, and you let God handle

277
00:17:21.520 --> 00:17:25.760
things instead of them taking them into your own strength. And you guys, that's how that story ends

278
00:17:25.760 --> 00:17:32.480
for me. After that moment of a release and surrender, God told me to take my hands off of it

279
00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:39.440
and to stay silent. He told me, you have the right to remain silent. Because before then, I was

280
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:44.800
defending myself. I was trying to give evidence of why what I was being accused of was not true.

281
00:17:44.800 --> 00:17:51.200
In fact, I actually was the innocent person. But then after that night, I actually stopped

282
00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:55.200
responding. And this may sound crazy, but you guys, if God tells you to do something,

283
00:17:55.760 --> 00:18:00.880
you got to do it. Okay? And it can't just be wishful thinking. It has to be, God told you to

284
00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:09.360
do this. So the lawyers were sending me emails, and I stopped answering them. I actually stopped

285
00:18:09.360 --> 00:18:16.080
answering the lawyer emails, which seems risky. Right? Because those were threats of litigation.

286
00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:22.320
Okay? And so I stopped answering those emails. And pretty soon,

287
00:18:24.240 --> 00:18:28.960
maybe three or four months went by. Emails, emails, emails, email, silence.

288
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:37.840
Silence, silence, silence, silence, silence, silence, silence. And then at about maybe the

289
00:18:37.840 --> 00:18:45.760
year mark, I got an email. And this email was from someone else. The email was from someone who

290
00:18:46.960 --> 00:18:54.000
was related to the issue. And they just said to me, tell me the whole story.

291
00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:59.760
And so I recounted all the way back to that moment, y'all, that I took the job.

292
00:19:01.040 --> 00:19:06.640
And I saw all the truth behind the scenes. I recounted all the way back to then. And then I

293
00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:15.600
just made a huge narrative of every single thing that happened. I named names, y'all. I named names.

294
00:19:15.600 --> 00:19:21.840
I gave dates. I gave times. I gave transcripts. I gave receipts of text messages. You know,

295
00:19:21.840 --> 00:19:27.280
I had the receipts. I did all of that. And then you know what happened after that?

296
00:19:27.280 --> 00:19:30.720
I never heard from anyone ever again. That's been 14 years ago.

297
00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:41.680
Sometimes the only thing you can do is just shut your mouth.

298
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.560
Because you guys, if people don't have a love for the truth, then they don't care

299
00:19:50.320 --> 00:19:51.200
about what's true.

300
00:19:54.720 --> 00:19:59.840
And so even if you're the, you're not, you're the innocent party, innocence doesn't go along.

301
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.720
way in the culture that we live in. But it does in the kingdom. And so you just got to give it to

302
00:20:06.720 --> 00:20:11.840
God. So we had, we didn't have that on the agenda. That's not what Bethany left me to do. But you

303
00:20:11.840 --> 00:20:17.360
know, we always follow Holy Spirit. So who is that helpful for? Hopefully someone either watching in

304
00:20:17.360 --> 00:20:25.360
replay, or someone who's here right now finds that helpful and is going to benefit from that.

305
00:20:26.080 --> 00:20:31.440
All right. You have the right to remain silent because anything you say can and will be used

306
00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:39.360
against you. All right. You have the right to an advocate, to counsel, right? And who's our

307
00:20:39.360 --> 00:20:44.400
advocate? Jesus. And so if you don't have an advocate, one will be appointed to you. Who's

308
00:20:44.400 --> 00:20:49.920
going to be appointed to you? Jesus. Let him fight your battles. So use your Jesus Cares boards,

309
00:20:49.920 --> 00:20:54.720
ladies. And hopefully now that you know the history of my Jesus Cares board, you will begin

310
00:20:54.720 --> 00:21:02.640
to really use yours a lot more. It's so freeing. It's so freeing. There's so much deliverance

311
00:21:02.640 --> 00:21:08.480
attached to that activation. And it's real. I believe that when I give it to him, he takes care

312
00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:13.120
of it. All right. So welcome to all the new ladies. All right. For those of you that you've

313
00:21:13.120 --> 00:21:20.160
been getting distracted, Bethany put on here, don't quit. All right. You might have a lot of

314
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:24.320
distractions and disruptions. I talk about that and what to expect. And there's a reason why.

315
00:21:25.040 --> 00:21:28.800
And for those of you that are all the way in phase two, I love it that you're coming back here,

316
00:21:28.800 --> 00:21:33.680
but there comes a point in time where you really need to try that heart workout in the real world.

317
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:39.920
And so as long as you're not coming back here to hide out and you are doing the activations

318
00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:45.600
in phase two, which means the dating challenge, getting out there, meeting people, because this

319
00:21:45.600 --> 00:21:50.480
is where more heart work issues will come to the surface. You'll see where you really need

320
00:21:50.480 --> 00:21:58.080
to do the work as you are venturing out into unknown territory. Okay. And in getting to know

321
00:21:58.080 --> 00:22:03.920
people and, and, and trying to let people in, that's going to be important. All right. Um,

322
00:22:03.920 --> 00:22:08.320
I encourage you to post in your community. If you're on the Facebook group for phase one,

323
00:22:08.320 --> 00:22:11.920
or if you're in the app for phase one, and pretty soon everyone's going to be over on the app,

324
00:22:12.640 --> 00:22:18.160
make sure you post posts about what you're learning, be vulnerable. You know, if you can't

325
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:25.440
put yourself out there in a private community, if you can't show up, if you can't put a face to your

326
00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:32.720
name and allow people to see you and allow people in, as far as into your process, then you don't

327
00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:38.640
really have a lot of hope to be able to do that out in that dating world. If you can't trust your

328
00:22:38.640 --> 00:22:44.560
sisters here, then you're probably going to have a really hard time trusting people who you have no

329
00:22:44.560 --> 00:22:49.920
idea who they are or whether they're trustworthy. And so let's practice coming out of hiding here.

330
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:56.160
Can we do that? So all of you need to leave this session and go make a post. All of you have a

331
00:22:56.160 --> 00:23:00.480
nugget of wisdom to share, something you've learned, some kind of takeaway, something that

332
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:06.160
you're working on, something vulnerable that you need to confess, something that you can do within

333
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:15.600
the group. Okay, so here are some of the ideas taken from your roll call. And I write about this

334
00:23:15.600 --> 00:23:24.080
in the book, you can't erase, you can only replace. So we have a lot of bad things that have happened

335
00:23:24.080 --> 00:23:29.200
in our lives, without exception, everyone here has suffered, but we cannot change history.

336
00:23:30.080 --> 00:23:36.320
And the only way to get closure truly is to replace the lies that we believe because

337
00:23:36.320 --> 00:23:42.480
of the trauma with the truth. The truth is the closure that you're looking for.

338
00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:45.760
Forgiveness for self and others is the closure that you're looking for.

339
00:23:45.760 --> 00:23:50.160
Confessing so you can be healed, James 5.16, is the closure that you're looking for.

340
00:23:54.400 --> 00:23:55.200
Super important.

341
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:57.360
I know you guys already know this, but

342
00:24:01.680 --> 00:24:03.440
no matter what has happened to you,

343
00:24:05.760 --> 00:24:11.280
it doesn't have more power to affect your life than what Jesus did for you on the cross.

344
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.760
All right, so here are the questions that we have for today's activations.

345
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:22.400
It's about control. So I guess Holy Spirit was leading us in the right direction,

346
00:24:23.040 --> 00:24:28.480
in our little opening monologue there. Control is an illusion and we have to choose to let go

347
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:32.800
of control. Let's choose to surrender the pen. And so what Bethany has written here based on

348
00:24:32.800 --> 00:24:42.400
your roll call is that, what areas of your lives do you struggle the most to let go of control in?

349
00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:50.560
That's a question from week one of heart work. And are you trying to

350
00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:52.320
are you trying to

351
00:24:55.120 --> 00:24:59.920
keep people where you want them? Okay, keep people fixed or controlled so that

352
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.400
but they can't hurt you.

353
00:25:03.460 --> 00:25:05.780
You guys, I was a few minutes late to the call today

354
00:25:05.780 --> 00:25:08.900
because I was on a coaching call with a young man.

355
00:25:08.900 --> 00:25:11.240
He's 36 years old,

356
00:25:11.240 --> 00:25:14.060
and he is really trying to love this woman.

357
00:25:15.360 --> 00:25:16.620
They go way back.

358
00:25:16.620 --> 00:25:18.540
They were friends.

359
00:25:18.540 --> 00:25:20.180
Her husband passed away.

360
00:25:21.700 --> 00:25:23.440
They worked together, I think, back in the day,

361
00:25:23.440 --> 00:25:24.960
and then her husband passed away.

362
00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:26.240
She was not, you guys,

363
00:25:26.240 --> 00:25:27.960
just because someone's husband passes away

364
00:25:27.960 --> 00:25:29.380
or their wife passes away

365
00:25:29.420 --> 00:25:32.060
does not mean they were happily married.

366
00:25:32.060 --> 00:25:33.420
Please make a note of that.

367
00:25:33.420 --> 00:25:35.500
I think oftentimes we think widow and widowers,

368
00:25:35.500 --> 00:25:37.140
oh, so tragic.

369
00:25:37.140 --> 00:25:38.920
The love of your life passed away,

370
00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:41.900
and how will you ever love again?

371
00:25:41.900 --> 00:25:43.780
No, a lot of people are unhappily married

372
00:25:43.780 --> 00:25:46.060
and even being abused within marriages

373
00:25:46.060 --> 00:25:47.920
where the other spouse passes,

374
00:25:49.180 --> 00:25:50.600
and that was her situation.

375
00:25:51.780 --> 00:25:55.060
So he passed away, her husband,

376
00:25:55.060 --> 00:25:58.300
and then this man and her

377
00:25:59.380 --> 00:26:00.260
reconnected.

378
00:26:01.860 --> 00:26:04.780
He tried to be there for her during her abusive marriage

379
00:26:04.780 --> 00:26:06.580
as much as he could,

380
00:26:06.580 --> 00:26:08.340
and then years went by.

381
00:26:08.340 --> 00:26:10.740
He had heard that her husband had passed away,

382
00:26:10.740 --> 00:26:12.940
but they didn't reconnect,

383
00:26:12.940 --> 00:26:14.580
and then, I forget how they reconnected.

384
00:26:14.580 --> 00:26:15.460
They ran into each other.

385
00:26:15.460 --> 00:26:17.060
Something happened, and they reconnected,

386
00:26:17.060 --> 00:26:18.180
but guess what?

387
00:26:18.180 --> 00:26:20.140
This woman has not done her heart work,

388
00:26:21.580 --> 00:26:23.620
so she is struggling with trusting.

389
00:26:23.620 --> 00:26:24.460
She is struggling

390
00:26:24.460 --> 00:26:26.380
with what we call disorganized attachment.

391
00:26:26.380 --> 00:26:28.620
She anxiously wants to be with someone

392
00:26:28.620 --> 00:26:29.820
because she's lonely.

393
00:26:29.820 --> 00:26:31.940
She's raising three kids on her own.

394
00:26:31.940 --> 00:26:33.060
She wants the touch.

395
00:26:33.060 --> 00:26:34.100
She wants the cuddles.

396
00:26:34.100 --> 00:26:35.540
She even wants the sex,

397
00:26:36.540 --> 00:26:38.260
and here he is showing up in purity,

398
00:26:38.260 --> 00:26:39.940
saying, you know, you don't need that.

399
00:26:39.940 --> 00:26:41.820
I know you want it, but you don't need it.

400
00:26:41.820 --> 00:26:43.860
It's not gonna be good for you or your children.

401
00:26:43.860 --> 00:26:45.260
It's not gonna be good for me,

402
00:26:45.260 --> 00:26:47.180
and so I'm not gonna give that to you.

403
00:26:47.180 --> 00:26:49.340
You guys, do they make men like this?

404
00:26:51.820 --> 00:26:54.620
Here she is, booty calling him,

405
00:26:54.620 --> 00:26:57.240
hey, you wanna come over at midnight?

406
00:26:57.240 --> 00:26:59.080
I'm really lonely.

407
00:26:59.080 --> 00:27:00.480
Will you just come up to the house?

408
00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:02.240
Will you just come over, you know,

409
00:27:02.240 --> 00:27:06.880
and he's like, no, that's not good.

410
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:07.760
It's not healthy.

411
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:13.080
I want to, but I'm not going to, right,

412
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:17.760
and so here is this woman being presented

413
00:27:17.760 --> 00:27:22.760
with a good-looking, healthy, mature, God-loving man,

414
00:27:23.280 --> 00:27:25.980
and she doesn't have the capacity to receive that love,

415
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:28.840
she doesn't,

416
00:27:31.720 --> 00:27:35.160
so she's using language like, you're too good for me,

417
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:41.360
you deserve better, I can't give you what you need.

418
00:27:41.360 --> 00:27:43.640
No, all she's saying is is that I'm addicted

419
00:27:43.640 --> 00:27:45.000
to the rollercoaster of abuse,

420
00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:47.880
and I'm looking for someone who's gonna turn me out again.

421
00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:55.580
I know I am saying that I'm not ready for a relationship,

422
00:27:56.580 --> 00:27:59.580
but if trouble walks in, I'm gonna jump right on that.

423
00:28:02.940 --> 00:28:04.660
You guys, don't be this woman.

424
00:28:05.900 --> 00:28:09.100
I know we all shake our head like, mm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm,

425
00:28:09.100 --> 00:28:12.940
but some of you, either here or in replay,

426
00:28:12.940 --> 00:28:17.340
could easily fall into that pattern if you wanted to,

427
00:28:20.940 --> 00:28:22.700
and it is true, I'm gonna tell you

428
00:28:22.740 --> 00:28:26.940
that healthy relationships are far more boring,

429
00:28:30.820 --> 00:28:32.700
but they're also really dependable,

430
00:28:32.700 --> 00:28:37.700
and they're also obviously not gonna break your heart later,

431
00:28:39.620 --> 00:28:41.860
but if you're addicted to the rise and fall,

432
00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:45.220
to the dopamine rush of that,

433
00:28:45.220 --> 00:28:49.640
then a healthy man is gonna seem a little dry.

434
00:28:53.700 --> 00:28:56.460
Especially if you've been messing around

435
00:28:56.460 --> 00:29:00.260
with too many rom-com movies or too much, you know,

436
00:29:00.260 --> 00:29:02.380
romance novels and different things

437
00:29:02.380 --> 00:29:06.020
where everything is always so much sexual tension

438
00:29:06.020 --> 00:29:09.260
and conflict, right?

439
00:29:10.740 --> 00:29:12.660
All right, so let's do our activation.

440
00:29:13.900 --> 00:29:15.820
Let's do our question,

441
00:29:15.820 --> 00:29:17.540
and since there's so few of you guys here,

442
00:29:17.540 --> 00:29:18.780
there's only 11 of you,

443
00:29:18.780 --> 00:29:20.500
I don't think we're gonna put you on the list,

444
00:29:20.780 --> 00:29:22.060
there's only 11 of you,

445
00:29:22.060 --> 00:29:22.940
I don't think we're gonna put,

446
00:29:22.940 --> 00:29:25.260
I'm not gonna put you in groups.

447
00:29:25.260 --> 00:29:26.580
Let's just go ahead and go around,

448
00:29:26.580 --> 00:29:29.460
and whoever wants to answer this question can answer it.

449
00:29:29.460 --> 00:29:34.140
Where are you really struggling with giving God control?

450
00:29:36.500 --> 00:29:41.220
Not in the past, right now in your life.

451
00:29:41.220 --> 00:29:42.980
Floor is open, who wants to go?

452
00:29:43.380 --> 00:29:48.380
Me, I'm having trouble giving to God the control

453
00:29:48.660 --> 00:29:53.660
over getting people to like me,

454
00:29:55.540 --> 00:30:00.540
because I've been rejected like so many times in my life.

455
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.920
and by groups of people and bullied like horribly bullied and I don't know how to stop that.

456
00:30:01.580 --> 00:30:04.580
I've been rejected so many times in my life,

457
00:30:04.580 --> 00:30:07.580
I've been rejected so many times in my life.

458
00:30:07.580 --> 00:30:10.580
I've been rejected so many times in my life.

459
00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:17.040
What did the bullying look like? Like you seem like an attractive, smart, you know,

460
00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:23.040
woman. I mean, what was the bullying like? What was the genre of the bullying?

461
00:30:23.520 --> 00:30:33.920
A lot of times it sounded, looked like envy because I have a PhD cum laude. I'm like really

462
00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:41.360
smart and I'm like really good at what I do and sometimes people, I think they get envious because

463
00:30:41.360 --> 00:30:47.760
I got rewarded for doing things right but sometimes people, it's hard for people to say

464
00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:55.600
she's better than, she does this better than I can so it's okay for her to have this reward,

465
00:30:55.600 --> 00:31:06.240
this trouble, whatever. So yeah, I think it had a lot to do with that but why me? Why all the time?

466
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:14.480
Why everywhere I go it happened the same story all over again? Why? Okay, what spaces is this

467
00:31:15.280 --> 00:31:18.400
happening in? Like I don't know what you do for a living. Is it happening in the workplace?

468
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:21.280
Is it happening in school? Political communication and academia.

469
00:31:22.320 --> 00:31:28.960
Political communication in Cartagena? And academia. Oh, academia. Yeah, university

470
00:31:30.080 --> 00:31:37.200
teaching scholar and university scholar, yeah. So I had to give it a lot and now I'm

471
00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:42.000
in a different field where I have to do like one-on-one consultations because

472
00:31:42.000 --> 00:31:47.920
with groups, it always, the same story, it happened over and over and over again.

473
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:51.920
And who bullies you the most, men or women? Women.

474
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:58.960
Okay, so what you're describing to me, ladies, this is really important, okay? What she's

475
00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:07.600
describing is a man's world, okay? But she's a woman there and oftentimes what will happen

476
00:32:07.600 --> 00:32:13.440
when you are excelling at something that has been predominantly men-dominated,

477
00:32:13.440 --> 00:32:20.880
masculine-dominated is other women that are also in that space, they will try to pull you down.

478
00:32:21.760 --> 00:32:28.640
Because there's this concept that there is only two seats at the table reserved for women in this

479
00:32:28.640 --> 00:32:32.800
male-dominated space and if you take one of those seats and there's only one seat left,

480
00:32:33.280 --> 00:32:37.040
right? If you make it there, then that means I don't get to go there.

481
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:45.040
Yeah. And so it's kind of a, it's honestly the fallout of demonic feminism

482
00:32:46.320 --> 00:32:52.960
where we're empowering women to go into these male-dominated arenas and genres and spheres

483
00:32:52.960 --> 00:33:00.480
of influence, but at the same time, women still have this mentality that only few women will ever

484
00:33:00.960 --> 00:33:05.600
make it in those places. And so if you make it, then there's not enough room for me too.

485
00:33:06.320 --> 00:33:12.320
And so they'll attack one each other back by gossip, the dark feminine, right? And I really

486
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:17.680
feel like that's probably what's happening to you. I have this problem with my mother. She

487
00:33:17.680 --> 00:33:23.520
was a very abusive, physically and emotionally abusive mother. Yeah. Like I always had to do

488
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:32.240
everything to win her love and respect, even respect for me. Right. And I feel like I always-

489
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:34.480
So you've been having trouble with women since you were born?

490
00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:42.560
Yeah. And I was like, just like you said, like literally running for my life. I went to hospital

491
00:33:42.560 --> 00:33:50.880
as a child a couple of times because of my mother beating me up so badly. So yeah, I have,

492
00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:57.360
I need like, I have this need for women in power to acknowledge me and approve of me.

493
00:33:59.360 --> 00:34:06.480
Yeah. Well, we have to, we have to cure you of that because a lot of times women that are in

494
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:12.480
power, especially in male-dominated arenas are not healthy people. Not always, but a lot of times

495
00:34:12.480 --> 00:34:19.199
they're not because they got there by being not healthy. That's how they were able to overcome

496
00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:25.440
all of the misogyny and make it to that place of power. So they're usually aggressive. A lot of

497
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:34.239
times they're jealous. A lot of times they're insecure and threatened by us. And so like,

498
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:39.840
you know, they don't want to be dethroned. So they'll smile to your face, but behind your back,

499
00:34:39.840 --> 00:34:46.320
no, no, no, no. And so here's the thing. We're not going to change them, but you're going to

500
00:34:46.320 --> 00:34:51.920
change your perception of them. And your mommy wound is not going to get the best of you anymore

501
00:34:52.639 --> 00:34:58.880
to continue to try to get the attention of, or the affirmation of people that really shouldn't

502
00:34:58.880 --> 00:34:59.680
matter to you.

503
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.640
I'm not saying that we're not kind, we're Christians, we're kind to people, but we're

504
00:35:05.640 --> 00:35:13.360
not going to try to get the affirmation or attention of people that don't matter.

505
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:18.320
Let me tell you who matters, let me tell you who you should go the extra mile to have good

506
00:35:18.320 --> 00:35:22.320
standing with and favor with.

507
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:30.600
People that you gave birth to, and even when they're not safe, people that gave birth to

508
00:35:30.600 --> 00:35:31.600
you.

509
00:35:31.600 --> 00:35:36.320
There's a lot of times nothing we can do about those toxic relationships with our parents,

510
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:40.720
but we can love them from a safe distance if they're still alive.

511
00:35:40.720 --> 00:35:45.920
We can bless them, we can pray for them, we can ask God to heal them because obviously

512
00:35:45.920 --> 00:35:49.280
they're the way they are because of trauma.

513
00:35:49.280 --> 00:35:53.440
If you're married to someone, you should care about what they think.

514
00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:56.720
These are the people, and of course we need to care about first and foremost what God

515
00:35:56.720 --> 00:35:58.040
thinks of us.

516
00:35:58.040 --> 00:36:01.460
We want to please God, and how do we please God?

517
00:36:01.460 --> 00:36:04.480
We please God by having faith.

518
00:36:04.480 --> 00:36:09.500
We don't please God by being nice or kind or polite.

519
00:36:09.500 --> 00:36:15.640
We please God in one way, by having faith, by believing that he is good and he is a rewarder

520
00:36:15.720 --> 00:36:21.720
of those that put their dependence in him.

521
00:36:21.720 --> 00:36:25.720
Do you know that that's the only way that you can please God?

522
00:36:25.720 --> 00:36:29.640
It isn't by your works, it isn't by your good deeds.

523
00:36:29.640 --> 00:36:36.760
It is by believing that he is good and that he is trustworthy enough for you to put your

524
00:36:36.760 --> 00:36:39.280
dependence on him.

525
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:44.760
That is what the Bible says.

526
00:36:44.760 --> 00:36:48.560
Without faith it's impossible to please God because those that have faith believe that

527
00:36:48.560 --> 00:36:54.400
God is good and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently what?

528
00:36:54.400 --> 00:36:55.680
Depend on him.

529
00:36:55.680 --> 00:37:02.640
The word seek there is looking to him for support and help.

530
00:37:02.640 --> 00:37:05.480
Depend on him.

531
00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:13.080
So Maria, if you are pleasing to God, the Bible says he will cause even your enemies

532
00:37:13.200 --> 00:37:18.000
to shake your hand in the places of influence.

533
00:37:18.000 --> 00:37:20.760
That's scripture.

534
00:37:20.760 --> 00:37:27.000
When you please God, he will allow even your enemies to shake your hand in the places of

535
00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:28.000
influence.

536
00:37:28.000 --> 00:37:33.880
And it sounds like the place of influence that you've been called to is academia.

537
00:37:33.880 --> 00:37:41.160
The places that you've been called to are the places, the scholarly halls and the places

538
00:37:41.240 --> 00:37:45.840
of influence in the area of politics and communication in these places.

539
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:48.920
And so who cares who doesn't like you behind closed doors?

540
00:37:48.920 --> 00:37:55.200
If you please God, then even those people will be forced to give you favor in the place

541
00:37:55.200 --> 00:37:58.680
that you're called to.

542
00:37:58.680 --> 00:38:03.560
Your field of favor, which is where you are.

543
00:38:03.560 --> 00:38:08.800
And so if you treat people with kindness and respect and honor, then it doesn't matter

544
00:38:08.800 --> 00:38:11.320
if they like you or not.

545
00:38:11.320 --> 00:38:15.720
All that matters is, is that you're doing what you're called to do and you let God take

546
00:38:15.720 --> 00:38:16.720
care of the rest.

547
00:38:16.720 --> 00:38:23.920
Now, it's very possible that there's a tormenting spirit attached to this situation with women.

548
00:38:23.920 --> 00:38:31.600
And so I want you to pray into that and ask God to show you, I'm writing this down, ask

549
00:38:31.600 --> 00:38:38.640
God to show you, because of that mommy wound and because of the cursed feminine that has

550
00:38:38.640 --> 00:38:45.640
been present in your life, all of your life, manipulative, deceiving, violent, verbally

551
00:38:45.640 --> 00:38:50.800
and physically, this is bad news.

552
00:38:50.800 --> 00:38:55.200
God does not want you to be a people pleaser and he doesn't want you to flatter people

553
00:38:55.200 --> 00:38:58.900
or try to get in their good graces so that they will like you.

554
00:38:58.900 --> 00:39:05.280
He wants you to be yourself, right?

555
00:39:05.280 --> 00:39:07.580
And so you're intimidated by the spirit.

556
00:39:07.580 --> 00:39:11.460
And so what you're doing is you're trying to like make peace with it so that it doesn't

557
00:39:11.460 --> 00:39:12.820
come at you.

558
00:39:12.820 --> 00:39:13.820
And then what's happening?

559
00:39:13.820 --> 00:39:17.660
It's coming at you anyway, isn't it?

560
00:39:17.660 --> 00:39:21.180
So instead, the weapons of your warfare are not carnal, but they're mighty through God

561
00:39:21.180 --> 00:39:25.180
to the pulling down of strongholds, because this is a stronghold.

562
00:39:25.180 --> 00:39:30.620
And so you are going to ask God how you are fueling this fire and you're going to stop

563
00:39:30.620 --> 00:39:37.620
doing it, whether it's a behavior, whether it's false flattery, whether it's toxic people

564
00:39:37.620 --> 00:39:40.740
pleasing and you're just going to be yourself and you're going to let the chips fall where

565
00:39:40.740 --> 00:39:41.740
they may.

566
00:39:41.740 --> 00:39:44.220
You're going to trust God to take care of the rest.

567
00:39:44.220 --> 00:39:47.300
If people don't like you, that's their problem.

568
00:39:47.300 --> 00:39:51.140
If God likes you, then you're still going to succeed.

569
00:39:51.140 --> 00:39:55.780
You do not need the approval of toxic women.

570
00:39:55.780 --> 00:39:59.980
You guys ever heard the saying, keep your.

571
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.840
friends close and your enemies closer,

572
00:40:03.600 --> 00:40:05.680
that's what Maria's been doing.

573
00:40:05.680 --> 00:40:08.240
And she's not gonna do that anymore.

574
00:40:08.240 --> 00:40:11.000
And I bet you the people that you try to win over the most

575
00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:13.100
are the people that are toxic like mom.

576
00:40:15.640 --> 00:40:18.000
You know, getting them to like you doesn't change your past.

577
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:20.440
It doesn't change the fact that you had a mother

578
00:40:20.440 --> 00:40:24.800
that seemingly hated you, but she hated herself.

579
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:26.300
And that's the truth.

580
00:40:26.300 --> 00:40:29.720
And she hated herself because of her own abuse.

581
00:40:29.720 --> 00:40:31.280
And things that happened in her life

582
00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:33.040
that caused self-hatred to come in.

583
00:40:35.400 --> 00:40:36.940
So who else had problems with mom?

584
00:40:36.940 --> 00:40:38.720
Let's see your hands.

585
00:40:38.720 --> 00:40:43.440
You had a hard mom, a mom that was never pleased or happy,

586
00:40:43.440 --> 00:40:44.920
or any other kind of female wound.

587
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:46.440
It could be a grandma, it could be a sister.

588
00:40:46.440 --> 00:40:48.100
You had sibling rivalry with your sister.

589
00:40:48.100 --> 00:40:51.120
She was always competing against you, jealous of you.

590
00:40:51.120 --> 00:40:53.520
Any other woman wounds here?

591
00:40:54.560 --> 00:40:55.680
You guys know my story.

592
00:40:55.680 --> 00:40:58.360
I had a hard, hard situation with my mother.

593
00:41:00.640 --> 00:41:02.040
All right.

594
00:41:02.040 --> 00:41:04.200
Raise your hand if you got a daddy wound.

595
00:41:04.200 --> 00:41:06.240
Daddy abandoned, he wasn't there.

596
00:41:09.840 --> 00:41:12.860
No mommy or daddy wounds in the house besides Maria.

597
00:41:15.240 --> 00:41:16.520
Really?

598
00:41:16.520 --> 00:41:17.480
I'm not buying it.

599
00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:23.940
Kelly has their hand up.

600
00:41:25.120 --> 00:41:26.200
Okay.

601
00:41:26.200 --> 00:41:27.020
All right, you guys.

602
00:41:27.020 --> 00:41:29.560
Oftentimes, regardless of who the wound is with,

603
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:32.120
we will try to rewrite history

604
00:41:32.120 --> 00:41:37.120
by fixing that through a different relationship, right?

605
00:41:39.400 --> 00:41:42.000
If I can get this person to love me,

606
00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:44.440
then that means I'm lovable,

607
00:41:44.440 --> 00:41:46.880
even though this person over here didn't love me.

608
00:41:48.400 --> 00:41:49.680
Hey guys, it doesn't work.

609
00:41:50.580 --> 00:41:51.880
Remember what I said at the beginning of this?

610
00:41:51.880 --> 00:41:54.620
Closure only comes through forgiveness and confession.

611
00:41:55.880 --> 00:41:56.880
That's what it comes through.

612
00:41:56.880 --> 00:41:57.720
Okay.

613
00:41:57.720 --> 00:41:59.880
All right, Maria, that's your assignment.

614
00:41:59.880 --> 00:42:02.460
Remember, you're dealing with spirits, not people.

615
00:42:04.120 --> 00:42:06.200
So let's dig into these behavior patterns

616
00:42:06.200 --> 00:42:08.000
that you're doing that fuel the fire,

617
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:10.040
and we're not gonna do those anymore.

618
00:42:10.040 --> 00:42:11.520
Okay?

619
00:42:11.520 --> 00:42:12.360
Was that helpful?

620
00:42:12.360 --> 00:42:14.640
Hey, Jackie, there's somebody in the chat

621
00:42:14.640 --> 00:42:16.120
that posted about a mommy wound.

622
00:42:16.120 --> 00:42:18.200
I don't know if you saw that or not.

623
00:42:18.200 --> 00:42:19.040
Okay.

624
00:42:21.320 --> 00:42:23.440
Thank you so much, Jackie.

625
00:42:23.440 --> 00:42:24.360
Thank you so much.

626
00:42:24.360 --> 00:42:25.520
I love you.

627
00:42:25.520 --> 00:42:26.360
Oh, I love you.

628
00:42:26.360 --> 00:42:27.400
Thank you.

629
00:42:28.320 --> 00:42:32.600
Min Ling, Min Ling says she has a mommy wound.

630
00:42:32.600 --> 00:42:35.240
Now, you know that there's a stereotype

631
00:42:35.240 --> 00:42:37.560
in the Asian culture of like the tiger mom,

632
00:42:37.560 --> 00:42:40.000
like the mom that's never pleased,

633
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:42.500
you can't do enough, you can't do things right.

634
00:42:42.500 --> 00:42:43.840
Is that your situation?

635
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:45.600
Or do you feel, first of all,

636
00:42:45.600 --> 00:42:47.360
do you feel like that's a stereotype?

637
00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:49.800
I've run into a lot of Asian women in my programs

638
00:42:49.800 --> 00:42:51.960
that say that they felt like

639
00:42:53.880 --> 00:42:55.760
too much was always expected of them

640
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:57.640
and that they were never good enough.

641
00:42:57.640 --> 00:43:00.740
And so I don't know if that's a thing or not,

642
00:43:00.740 --> 00:43:03.760
but it has kind of proven true a little bit in our courses.

643
00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:07.700
So you tell us, what is your specific mommy wound?

644
00:43:09.320 --> 00:43:11.600
Every time, I don't know,

645
00:43:11.600 --> 00:43:13.880
I just, I feel my mom just like a kid.

646
00:43:13.880 --> 00:43:15.160
I'll take care of her, so.

647
00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:17.880
Because I- You what?

648
00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:21.040
Like, I just, I feel like my mom has never grow up.

649
00:43:21.040 --> 00:43:23.160
I always have to take care of her

650
00:43:23.200 --> 00:43:27.600
because maybe she doesn't understand English,

651
00:43:27.600 --> 00:43:32.040
so every time I need to translate to her,

652
00:43:32.040 --> 00:43:35.280
and then especially my dad passed away,

653
00:43:35.280 --> 00:43:37.720
so I need to, yeah.

654
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:42.280
So she expects you to be the mom?

655
00:43:42.280 --> 00:43:45.160
Yeah, but I'm not her mom, so.

656
00:43:45.160 --> 00:43:46.000
No.

657
00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:49.320
Well, how old were you when your dad passed?

658
00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:55.200
Like seven, no, my dad just passed like before,

659
00:43:55.200 --> 00:43:57.280
so four years ago, so.

660
00:43:57.280 --> 00:44:00.640
Okay, and was your mom like this when he was alive,

661
00:44:00.640 --> 00:44:03.360
or did she just become like this after he passed?

662
00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:05.120
No, she's kind of emotional,

663
00:44:05.120 --> 00:44:09.080
so that's why when my dad was around her,

664
00:44:09.080 --> 00:44:11.920
so my dad take care of her emotionally.

665
00:44:11.920 --> 00:44:14.880
So I think there's a pattern, right?

666
00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:18.280
Every time she have this emotional issue,

667
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:22.640
my dad just like going out with friends,

668
00:44:22.640 --> 00:44:24.320
and then after that, he came back.

669
00:44:24.320 --> 00:44:27.400
So right now, since my dad passing away,

670
00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:31.280
I realize my mom just have similar pattern,

671
00:44:31.280 --> 00:44:36.280
so it's kind of emotional sort of rollercoaster.

672
00:44:39.040 --> 00:44:43.760
So at first, I feel like, yeah.

673
00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:44.600
Yeah.

674
00:44:45.600 --> 00:44:49.440
Well, you guys, people who have emotional instability

675
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:51.920
like Min Ling is talking about with her mother,

676
00:44:51.920 --> 00:44:55.200
they usually have had trauma at a really young age,

677
00:44:55.200 --> 00:44:57.440
and so they actually didn't grow up.

678
00:44:58.760 --> 00:45:00.000
They actually got stuck.

679
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.040
there at that immature age where it's all about them and people have to do for them

680
00:45:05.040 --> 00:45:11.600
and take care of them and, you know, they have emotional outbursts if they get into

681
00:45:11.600 --> 00:45:16.200
a place where they feel afraid or they feel not taken care of.

682
00:45:16.200 --> 00:45:23.680
And so what we have to do is if mom is too old or not willing to do her own heart work

683
00:45:23.680 --> 00:45:28.640
so that she can unpack that, then you're going to have to have what we call boundaries with

684
00:45:28.640 --> 00:45:31.160
mom.

685
00:45:31.160 --> 00:45:35.500
And usually if someone has emotional stunting like your mom, she's not going to take those

686
00:45:35.500 --> 00:45:37.920
really well.

687
00:45:37.920 --> 00:45:40.000
And so does she live with you?

688
00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:46.760
Oh yeah, she's living with me right now so, but right now I learned that since the heart

689
00:45:46.760 --> 00:45:49.440
work, I learned that there's some boundary.

690
00:45:49.440 --> 00:45:53.420
So I sense if there's something going on.

691
00:45:53.420 --> 00:45:56.920
So at the beginning, I just left her alone.

692
00:45:56.920 --> 00:45:58.320
When I come back, she's okay.

693
00:45:58.320 --> 00:46:05.080
So I'm not just an emotional outburst because she told me since I was young, when I was

694
00:46:05.080 --> 00:46:09.380
in kindergarten, so she yelled at me, I run away.

695
00:46:09.380 --> 00:46:14.200
So that's a similar pattern layer by layer.

696
00:46:14.200 --> 00:46:18.920
So right now I have to like, so live with her.

697
00:46:18.920 --> 00:46:22.680
So now I understand you are, are you going to have to continue to live with her even

698
00:46:22.680 --> 00:46:23.680
after you get married?

699
00:46:23.680 --> 00:46:29.680
Like she doesn't have anyone else, just you know, I, that's my question.

700
00:46:29.680 --> 00:46:40.840
I don't know yet though, because I, it might be too difficult to let her siblings.

701
00:46:40.840 --> 00:46:41.840
Do you have any siblings?

702
00:46:41.840 --> 00:46:42.840
Oh yeah.

703
00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:43.840
I have my sister.

704
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:44.840
She, she got married.

705
00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:45.840
Yeah.

706
00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:52.600
She like, she, she was not like there with my mom.

707
00:46:52.600 --> 00:46:56.200
So she said, you have to, you have to take care of mom because you're single and your

708
00:46:56.200 --> 00:46:58.520
sister got married and now you're stuck with mom.

709
00:46:58.520 --> 00:46:59.520
Yeah.

710
00:46:59.520 --> 00:47:02.080
But I'm going to get married to, that's what I'm told her.

711
00:47:02.080 --> 00:47:06.520
So like, that's why I told my mom when she was calm.

712
00:47:06.520 --> 00:47:09.400
So she was understand, but that you'll never know.

713
00:47:09.400 --> 00:47:10.400
Right.

714
00:47:10.400 --> 00:47:17.000
When things happen, she'll like, yeah, well, you're going to have to get some really good

715
00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:23.640
boundaries in place with mom and in preparation for you meeting someone, you need to start

716
00:47:23.640 --> 00:47:26.600
thinking through that with Holy Spirit.

717
00:47:26.600 --> 00:47:28.240
What happens when I meet someone?

718
00:47:28.240 --> 00:47:29.680
How's mom going to react to that?

719
00:47:29.680 --> 00:47:33.920
She's probably going to be afraid of losing you and losing your help and your caretaking

720
00:47:33.920 --> 00:47:36.680
is now you're distracted with your love life.

721
00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:38.560
And if you get married, then what happens to her?

722
00:47:38.560 --> 00:47:44.660
So she's probably going to start acting bad, even worse now than now, because out of fear,

723
00:47:44.660 --> 00:47:45.660
people start manifesting.

724
00:47:45.660 --> 00:47:46.660
Right.

725
00:47:46.660 --> 00:47:50.540
And if they're worried about losing us or losing our attention or losing our support

726
00:47:50.540 --> 00:47:54.780
or whatever it is that we're providing for them, then they start, they start lashing

727
00:47:54.780 --> 00:47:56.340
out emotionally.

728
00:47:56.340 --> 00:48:00.020
And so you need to go ahead and prepare for that because I believe that you're here because

729
00:48:00.020 --> 00:48:01.500
it's your last year single.

730
00:48:01.500 --> 00:48:05.540
And so you need to start preparing mom for the fact that, Hey, I want to meet someone

731
00:48:05.540 --> 00:48:07.260
and I want to get married.

732
00:48:07.260 --> 00:48:12.980
And what's life going to look like when that happens, you know, start preparing her little

733
00:48:12.980 --> 00:48:17.460
by little by little so that when it does happen, it's not just some big shock.

734
00:48:17.460 --> 00:48:18.700
Yeah.

735
00:48:18.700 --> 00:48:22.060
So that's why I'm going to tell her that I'm going to get married.

736
00:48:22.060 --> 00:48:23.820
This is my last year single too.

737
00:48:23.820 --> 00:48:32.020
So, yeah, yes, yes, but in terms, she'll want me to get married, but in other way, this

738
00:48:32.020 --> 00:48:35.380
other side of her, I mentioned the fear, right?

739
00:48:35.380 --> 00:48:36.380
Yeah.

740
00:48:36.380 --> 00:48:37.380
What happened if I get married?

741
00:48:37.380 --> 00:48:39.780
Like my sister will have a way for her.

742
00:48:39.780 --> 00:48:44.500
So no, that's just, that's a fear-based that see that's a, you guys, we always talk about

743
00:48:44.500 --> 00:48:45.500
counterfeit personalities.

744
00:48:45.500 --> 00:48:46.860
Did you hear what she just said?

745
00:48:46.860 --> 00:48:52.820
She said her mom's okay until she gets into a different version of herself.

746
00:48:52.820 --> 00:48:59.060
There's this other version of mom where mom starts, you know, getting upset and getting

747
00:48:59.060 --> 00:49:05.980
fearful and all part of mom, one side of mom wants mingling to get married and is happy

748
00:49:05.980 --> 00:49:07.500
for her and wants that for her.

749
00:49:07.500 --> 00:49:12.620
And then the other version of her is like, what's going to happen to me?

750
00:49:12.620 --> 00:49:17.380
You know, I want to hold you back because if this happens for you, then what's going

751
00:49:17.380 --> 00:49:18.380
to happen to me?

752
00:49:18.380 --> 00:49:22.780
And so you guys, those are, those are fear-based, those are fear-based counterfeit personalities.

753
00:49:22.780 --> 00:49:27.100
And for those of you that are in week five, hopefully you're recognizing which ones you

754
00:49:27.100 --> 00:49:28.100
have.

755
00:49:28.100 --> 00:49:30.380
We all have them.

756
00:49:30.380 --> 00:49:32.860
So go ahead and post in the comments.

757
00:49:32.860 --> 00:49:36.500
What can get you shifted into a counterfeit personality?

758
00:49:36.500 --> 00:49:43.340
What scenario, what situation, what topic can shift you into your counterfeit?

759
00:49:43.340 --> 00:49:44.980
Let's see it.

760
00:49:44.980 --> 00:49:48.100
What's your trigger?

761
00:49:48.100 --> 00:49:50.500
If you have more than one that you can just think of right off the top of your head, you

762
00:49:50.500 --> 00:49:51.500
can post more than one.

763
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:22.680
Okay, groups of people at work for Maria, come on y'all.

764
00:50:22.680 --> 00:50:23.680
Let's see it.

765
00:50:23.680 --> 00:50:32.600
What can get you, what can get you acting in a way that you know is not your ideal self?

766
00:50:32.600 --> 00:50:40.800
What can get you acting that way?

767
00:50:40.800 --> 00:51:00.440
All right, Kylie said proving that I'm good enough, feeling like she's got to prove that

768
00:51:00.440 --> 00:51:03.320
she's good enough.

769
00:51:03.320 --> 00:51:07.760
The counterfeit question, Brittany, is what trigger, what can get you into your counterfeit?

770
00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:09.800
We all have counterfeits.

771
00:51:09.800 --> 00:51:15.960
We all have alternative personalities that are based on trauma, trauma-based personalities.

772
00:51:15.960 --> 00:51:21.200
What is your trigger that gets you acting in a way that you know is not worthy of you?

773
00:51:21.200 --> 00:51:26.840
Shame around finances, social cues, transitions, spontaneous changes to plans.

774
00:51:26.840 --> 00:51:28.560
Oh, that's a good one.

775
00:51:28.560 --> 00:51:31.040
Let's talk about that for a second.

776
00:51:31.040 --> 00:51:34.760
Spontaneous changes to plans.

777
00:51:34.760 --> 00:51:40.640
Get your sister riled up.

778
00:51:40.640 --> 00:51:42.680
She needs things to be certain.

779
00:51:42.680 --> 00:51:44.680
She needs certainty.

780
00:51:44.680 --> 00:51:46.440
She wants to have it planned out.

781
00:51:46.440 --> 00:51:51.560
You guys, when we are married to a plan and we do not like interruptions to our plans,

782
00:51:51.560 --> 00:51:57.840
we don't want last minute changes because my best friend is like this.

783
00:51:57.840 --> 00:52:02.420
And I am the queen of spontaneity and she is someone who loves to have things planned

784
00:52:02.420 --> 00:52:04.740
out a long time in advance.

785
00:52:04.740 --> 00:52:09.380
And if there is any change, like remember, I remember one time we went on vacation together

786
00:52:09.380 --> 00:52:16.420
and when we got off the plane and we were at the car rental place, she had rented this

787
00:52:16.420 --> 00:52:24.020
car in advance and there was a problem with her credit card.

788
00:52:24.020 --> 00:52:25.420
I can't really remember what happened.

789
00:52:25.420 --> 00:52:28.100
This is a long time ago, like 14, 15 years ago.

790
00:52:28.100 --> 00:52:30.780
Anyway, you guys, it threw her for a loop.

791
00:52:30.780 --> 00:52:36.860
She about busted a gasket over the fact that what she had carefully planned out was not

792
00:52:36.860 --> 00:52:40.900
going smoothly and it forced us to have to pivot.

793
00:52:40.900 --> 00:52:46.340
It forced us to have to have a plan B, which I am the master of plan B, C, D, elemental

794
00:52:46.340 --> 00:52:48.780
B. All right.

795
00:52:48.780 --> 00:52:53.420
I thrive in flexibility, but she didn't and she doesn't.

796
00:52:53.420 --> 00:52:55.020
And you guys, it's great to be a planner.

797
00:52:55.020 --> 00:52:56.500
If that's your gift, that's great.

798
00:52:56.500 --> 00:53:01.220
But a lot of you, you think that's a gift, but it's actually a personality that's been

799
00:53:01.220 --> 00:53:04.420
overextended by trauma.

800
00:53:04.420 --> 00:53:06.340
And now you want to control everything.

801
00:53:06.340 --> 00:53:08.180
You're not a planner, you're a controller.

802
00:53:08.180 --> 00:53:10.780
There's a difference between those two things.

803
00:53:10.780 --> 00:53:11.780
Okay.

804
00:53:11.780 --> 00:53:16.140
And so if something not going your way or not going the right way or not working out

805
00:53:16.140 --> 00:53:22.460
according to plan really messes you up, got to take a deep look at that because life very,

806
00:53:22.460 --> 00:53:25.980
very, very rarely goes according to plan.

807
00:53:25.980 --> 00:53:27.900
Just doesn't.

808
00:53:27.900 --> 00:53:36.700
In fact, plans are created to be changed for the most part.

809
00:53:36.700 --> 00:53:37.700
Okay.

810
00:53:37.700 --> 00:53:48.700
So sis, Amy from OKC.

811
00:53:48.700 --> 00:53:57.020
Tell us when was the first time in your life that you felt out of control of your safety,

812
00:53:57.020 --> 00:54:04.140
of your, you know, of the things that you needed and you made a vow that when you were

813
00:54:04.140 --> 00:54:09.300
in control, you were going to make sure that you kept yourself safe.

814
00:54:09.300 --> 00:54:13.420
You're going to make sure that everything was laid out.

815
00:54:13.420 --> 00:54:18.020
Did you have a spontaneous parent that was super irresponsible?

816
00:54:18.340 --> 00:54:22.500
What's the earliest memory that you have of chaos basically is my question.

817
00:54:26.100 --> 00:54:26.660
I don't know.

818
00:54:26.660 --> 00:54:33.060
Like I tend to think my household was pretty flexible in structure, but my mom likes spontaneity.

819
00:54:33.060 --> 00:54:34.740
Like let's go on a trip or whatever.

820
00:54:34.740 --> 00:54:41.620
But I think for me, it's more of like I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, but like

821
00:54:41.620 --> 00:54:46.900
this like feeling of I'm trying to keep up and do the things that are expected.

822
00:54:46.980 --> 00:54:52.500
And then when something changes from like, it's like I build bridges and when something

823
00:54:52.500 --> 00:54:57.300
changes, it feels like I'm about to step off a cliff and there's nothing to catch me because

824
00:54:57.300 --> 00:54:58.980
the link I had is gone.

825
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.620
So I just get so thrown and then it's like scrambling

826
00:55:03.620 --> 00:55:04.920
to try to pick up the pieces.

827
00:55:04.920 --> 00:55:06.360
And then there's a lot of shame with that

828
00:55:06.360 --> 00:55:08.760
because everyone else around,

829
00:55:08.760 --> 00:55:10.400
the lie I believe is everyone else around me

830
00:55:10.400 --> 00:55:11.760
has fine with this.

831
00:55:11.760 --> 00:55:13.480
And it's, something's broken with me

832
00:55:13.480 --> 00:55:14.880
that I can't function in the world

833
00:55:14.880 --> 00:55:16.420
the way everyone else does.

834
00:55:16.420 --> 00:55:19.760
And so not having an explanation for that

835
00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:24.600
until in my thirties, it became part of this like,

836
00:55:24.600 --> 00:55:25.840
oh, Amy's just broken.

837
00:55:25.840 --> 00:55:26.680
She's always late.

838
00:55:26.680 --> 00:55:27.600
She's always forgetting things.

839
00:55:27.600 --> 00:55:29.360
She's always, and then when plans would change,

840
00:55:29.360 --> 00:55:31.880
it would just really throw me with like,

841
00:55:31.880 --> 00:55:32.920
I don't know what's going on.

842
00:55:32.920 --> 00:55:34.600
I'm not oriented.

843
00:55:34.600 --> 00:55:37.040
And so like, I don't think it's as much

844
00:55:37.040 --> 00:55:40.480
about like wanting control as just like knowing where I am

845
00:55:40.480 --> 00:55:45.480
and like how to fit in so that I don't get singled out

846
00:55:45.800 --> 00:55:49.160
for not doing what's expected, if that makes sense.

847
00:55:51.120 --> 00:55:51.960
No, it doesn't.

848
00:55:51.960 --> 00:55:53.400
That's what you're looking for, but.

849
00:55:53.400 --> 00:55:54.320
No, no, no, no.

850
00:55:54.320 --> 00:55:55.480
It's a really great answer.

851
00:55:55.480 --> 00:55:56.640
It's a very different answer

852
00:55:56.640 --> 00:55:59.280
than I've ever had anyone answer that question.

853
00:56:00.040 --> 00:56:00.880
And what I love about it is,

854
00:56:00.880 --> 00:56:02.160
is that while you're saying that,

855
00:56:02.160 --> 00:56:03.440
what I hear in the spirit is,

856
00:56:03.440 --> 00:56:07.480
is that you planning and having the structure set up

857
00:56:08.520 --> 00:56:11.200
is like your own 504 plan.

858
00:56:11.200 --> 00:56:14.080
I remember when my son, my son's very creative

859
00:56:14.080 --> 00:56:15.960
and you guys know Western education

860
00:56:15.960 --> 00:56:17.320
does not cater to creatives.

861
00:56:17.320 --> 00:56:19.240
It caters to academics.

862
00:56:19.240 --> 00:56:23.320
People that can read and memorize and regurgitate on tests.

863
00:56:23.320 --> 00:56:25.960
Okay, that is the lecture style of Western education.

864
00:56:26.000 --> 00:56:30.720
And so my son started really struggling in middle school.

865
00:56:30.720 --> 00:56:32.080
In elementary school, he did okay,

866
00:56:32.080 --> 00:56:33.800
but in middle school, he started really struggling

867
00:56:33.800 --> 00:56:35.080
because he's a designer now.

868
00:56:35.080 --> 00:56:36.080
That's what he does for a living.

869
00:56:36.080 --> 00:56:39.240
And he's very, very, very creatively bent.

870
00:56:39.240 --> 00:56:44.240
And so they said, not that he was on the spectrum.

871
00:56:44.960 --> 00:56:46.640
I feel like they put everyone on the spectrum

872
00:56:46.640 --> 00:56:50.120
that is not what they consider the norm,

873
00:56:50.120 --> 00:56:53.160
but that he had some learning disabilities

874
00:56:53.160 --> 00:56:55.240
in their opinion that he could have

875
00:56:55.280 --> 00:56:56.520
what's called a 504 plan.

876
00:56:56.520 --> 00:57:00.080
And a 504 plan basically gives you more time

877
00:57:00.080 --> 00:57:02.840
to be able to accomplish what the other students

878
00:57:02.840 --> 00:57:04.840
are accomplishing in a different amount of time.

879
00:57:04.840 --> 00:57:07.720
It gives you more prompts, it gives you more support.

880
00:57:07.720 --> 00:57:10.200
Like maybe you can stay after class and finish the test,

881
00:57:10.200 --> 00:57:11.920
or maybe you get a different syllabus

882
00:57:11.920 --> 00:57:14.840
or a different study guide or just different things.

883
00:57:14.840 --> 00:57:16.160
But what it's supposed to do

884
00:57:16.160 --> 00:57:19.160
is it's supposed to even the playing ground, right?

885
00:57:19.160 --> 00:57:20.560
Supposed to level the playing ground

886
00:57:20.560 --> 00:57:22.840
because the way that you learn versus everybody else.

887
00:57:22.960 --> 00:57:25.680
And when you're talking, I hear Holy Spirit saying,

888
00:57:25.680 --> 00:57:27.800
her planning is like her 504 plan.

889
00:57:27.800 --> 00:57:30.520
What it does is it helps her to feel like

890
00:57:30.520 --> 00:57:32.560
she's caught up with everybody else.

891
00:57:33.760 --> 00:57:36.680
But then if something goes differently,

892
00:57:36.680 --> 00:57:39.680
then you feel like everyone else is gonna thrive

893
00:57:39.680 --> 00:57:41.320
and you're not going to.

894
00:57:41.320 --> 00:57:44.600
Like you're gonna like, oh no, now I gotta catch up

895
00:57:44.600 --> 00:57:46.760
and I don't know if I can.

896
00:57:46.760 --> 00:57:50.080
And so it's actually pretty genius

897
00:57:50.120 --> 00:57:53.960
that you have done that for yourself.

898
00:57:53.960 --> 00:57:55.960
You've given yourself your own 504 plan.

899
00:57:57.840 --> 00:58:02.160
But as you and I both know, there's lots of spontaneity

900
00:58:02.160 --> 00:58:04.600
and we all envy people who can fly

901
00:58:04.600 --> 00:58:05.840
by the seat of their pants

902
00:58:05.840 --> 00:58:09.520
and still somehow come out on top, right?

903
00:58:09.520 --> 00:58:11.200
But there's a lot to be said for people

904
00:58:11.200 --> 00:58:16.200
who are organized and structured and that's important too.

905
00:58:17.120 --> 00:58:19.920
So this is how you're beautifully and wonderfully made.

906
00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:25.720
I don't see it at all as a deficit.

907
00:58:25.720 --> 00:58:28.840
I see it as you being the intelligent,

908
00:58:28.840 --> 00:58:30.360
intuitive woman that you are,

909
00:58:30.360 --> 00:58:32.960
you have figured out how to succeed in this world.

910
00:58:35.400 --> 00:58:37.880
And then everything else, when it doesn't go

911
00:58:37.880 --> 00:58:39.040
according to your plan,

912
00:58:39.040 --> 00:58:40.640
is just gonna have to be by grace.

913
00:58:40.640 --> 00:58:43.000
And I feel like Holy Spirit is inviting you

914
00:58:43.000 --> 00:58:48.000
into leaning less into your gifts and more into his power.

915
00:58:51.640 --> 00:58:53.800
Like that's gonna stretch you a little bit,

916
00:58:54.880 --> 00:58:58.680
but knowing that he actually levels the playing field

917
00:58:58.680 --> 00:59:00.320
and he makes up the deficit.

918
00:59:00.320 --> 00:59:02.160
So I feel like you're gonna have some moments

919
00:59:02.160 --> 00:59:05.640
in the very near future where you are going to,

920
00:59:05.640 --> 00:59:08.440
where you normally would have felt very fearful

921
00:59:08.440 --> 00:59:11.760
because it's like you're showing up

922
00:59:11.760 --> 00:59:14.440
but you don't have the script or the lines.

923
00:59:14.440 --> 00:59:15.640
So you're not prepared.

924
00:59:15.640 --> 00:59:18.160
Like there's a fear of being unprepared

925
00:59:18.160 --> 00:59:19.560
that you're not gonna be prepared,

926
00:59:19.560 --> 00:59:24.240
but you're gonna be in the moment empowered by the spirit

927
00:59:25.440 --> 00:59:26.600
and it's gonna be amazing.

928
00:59:26.600 --> 00:59:28.080
And it's gonna actually show you

929
00:59:28.080 --> 00:59:30.360
a whole different layer of yourself.

930
00:59:30.360 --> 00:59:32.400
So that's a prophetic word for you.

931
00:59:32.400 --> 00:59:33.600
Thank you.

932
00:59:33.600 --> 00:59:34.560
Yes.

933
00:59:34.560 --> 00:59:36.000
All right, Amy, that's good stuff.

934
00:59:36.000 --> 00:59:36.840
I like it.

935
00:59:38.480 --> 00:59:39.320
All right, Laura says,

936
00:59:39.440 --> 00:59:42.800
is there anything that's different from my expectations?

937
00:59:42.800 --> 00:59:45.080
So Laura, talk to us about that

938
00:59:45.080 --> 00:59:46.280
cause that's different than planning.

939
00:59:46.280 --> 00:59:48.000
This is about expectations.

940
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:51.360
So if something is less than what you expected,

941
00:59:51.360 --> 00:59:55.200
you get, do you get handicapped by disappointment?

942
00:59:55.200 --> 00:59:56.040
What's that look like?

943
00:59:56.040 --> 00:59:57.120
Yes.

944
00:59:57.120 --> 00:59:57.960
Okay.

945
00:59:57.960 --> 00:59:59.440
Yeah, I think, I think, I mean,

946
00:59:59.440 --> 01:00:00.280
even looking-

947
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.980
back to my childhood, I still have never been able to figure

948
01:00:03.980 --> 01:00:08.760
out why I have such high expectations of like literally

949
01:00:08.760 --> 01:00:15.120
everything. And I just get so I did get disappointed so easily.

950
01:00:17.040 --> 01:00:19.760
Okay, let me ask you this when you but I don't I don't. Oh,

951
01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:22.640
go ahead. Did you like do you have like a very vivid

952
01:00:22.640 --> 01:00:28.020
imagination? No. So did you watch a lot of movies? Did you

953
01:00:28.020 --> 01:00:31.860
read a lot of books? And not really? I mean, you have a

954
01:00:31.860 --> 01:00:36.660
parent that is a dreamer or is someone who's always

955
01:00:36.660 --> 01:00:42.460
bombastically describing things? No. Interesting. Because no,

956
01:00:42.500 --> 01:00:44.940
like you said, you've always had a high, high level of

957
01:00:44.940 --> 01:00:49.980
expectation. But where does it come from? I have not from

958
01:00:49.980 --> 01:00:55.740
somewhere. It comes from somewhere. And I still have yet

959
01:00:55.740 --> 01:01:00.140
to figure that out. Because it doesn't I mean, it doesn't make

960
01:01:00.140 --> 01:01:06.300
sense. Like, I mean, I had a overall like, good childhood.

961
01:01:07.740 --> 01:01:12.180
But I just remember, like, you know, birthday parties always

962
01:01:12.180 --> 01:01:15.460
being disappointed. And it's like, well, I had a birthday

963
01:01:15.460 --> 01:01:18.740
party and I had friends there. But it was like, I was always

964
01:01:18.740 --> 01:01:22.340
disappointed. And so you were disappointed because you were

965
01:01:22.340 --> 01:01:26.780
comparing it to what, though? That's the question. I know. If

966
01:01:26.780 --> 01:01:28.980
you didn't have a vivid imagination, then you had to be

967
01:01:28.980 --> 01:01:31.380
comparing it to something you were actually looking at. What

968
01:01:31.380 --> 01:01:33.860
were you looking at? Was it from a movie? Was it from a book?

969
01:01:34.100 --> 01:01:37.300
But you guys, we can't have missed expectations, unless

970
01:01:37.300 --> 01:01:42.780
there's comparison. Right. So where's the comparison? I mean,

971
01:01:42.820 --> 01:01:50.660
it, it must have been from Yeah, TV or what friends had. You have

972
01:01:50.660 --> 01:01:56.700
siblings? Yes, I have siblings. Okay, any rivalry there? I'm

973
01:01:57.020 --> 01:02:01.780
yeah, as normal rival rivalry as kids, but I never felt like,

974
01:02:02.380 --> 01:02:05.820
like a sibling was like more loved or got more things are

975
01:02:05.820 --> 01:02:10.620
like, it felt like an even playing field. But it but now it

976
01:02:10.620 --> 01:02:17.820
just carries into work and dating. And this Yeah, it's like

977
01:02:17.820 --> 01:02:23.900
my expectations are too high. In so much in so much of what I

978
01:02:23.900 --> 01:02:27.260
do that it's like, I'm just going to be disappointed

979
01:02:27.260 --> 01:02:34.780
anyways. Oh, okay. So that that that kind of leads to kind of a

980
01:02:34.780 --> 01:02:38.860
sort of fatalism. That feels like it's that feels like it's

981
01:02:38.860 --> 01:02:46.900
victim rooted. Mm hmm. Like, ah, for me, nothing, you know,

982
01:02:46.900 --> 01:02:51.060
nothing's good. You know, oh, yeah, you know, this is, I guess

983
01:02:51.060 --> 01:02:57.020
it's okay. You know, it's not great. Yeah. Yeah. So where

984
01:02:57.020 --> 01:03:02.660
would that come from? Any victims in the family? Um, any

985
01:03:02.660 --> 01:03:09.980
complainers? Any negative people? Yeah, my mom. Okay. Um,

986
01:03:11.380 --> 01:03:15.460
yeah, is anything is, are things good enough for mom? I know you

987
01:03:15.460 --> 01:03:18.020
wouldn't categorize that as expectation. But is she hard to

988
01:03:18.020 --> 01:03:18.580
please?

989
01:03:21.660 --> 01:03:25.580
Yes and no. Okay. Um,

990
01:03:25.580 --> 01:03:32.900
because babe, it's possible that you're talking about. My

991
01:03:32.900 --> 01:03:35.500
expectations are too high. Nothing ever meets them. But

992
01:03:35.500 --> 01:03:39.380
actually, couldn't we juxtaposition that to I'm just

993
01:03:39.380 --> 01:03:40.180
hard to please?

994
01:03:41.660 --> 01:03:48.220
Yeah. Okay. I think I totally know that. Like my mom would say

995
01:03:48.220 --> 01:03:53.380
that. Mm hmm. She would say that about you or herself? No, she'd

996
01:03:53.380 --> 01:03:58.140
say that about me. Ah, you're never happy, Laura. Nothing's

997
01:03:58.140 --> 01:04:02.100
ever good enough for you. Mm hmm. Now, now that I'm now that

998
01:04:02.100 --> 01:04:09.180
I'm older. Yes. Okay. When you were a kid, what did she say? I

999
01:04:09.180 --> 01:04:12.300
don't think she said anything. I think she gave me a gift. And

1000
01:04:12.300 --> 01:04:15.380
she could see that I was like, it wasn't what I wanted. Because

1001
01:04:15.380 --> 01:04:21.580
I told her, well, I want the purple shirt. Well, she ended up

1002
01:04:21.580 --> 01:04:24.300
getting me the green shirt. Because she thought it would

1003
01:04:24.980 --> 01:04:29.220
because she thought it would look nicer on me. Okay. So

1004
01:04:29.220 --> 01:04:31.620
listen, no, that's important. Let's stay there for a second.

1005
01:04:31.620 --> 01:04:35.780
That's important. Because what's happening here is you are being

1006
01:04:35.780 --> 01:04:41.140
specific about what you want, but nobody's listening. Yeah.

1007
01:04:41.820 --> 01:04:46.580
Okay. So yeah, it may seem like I'm hard to please or nothing's

1008
01:04:46.580 --> 01:04:49.900
ever good enough. But at the same time, I said I wanted the

1009
01:04:49.900 --> 01:04:54.980
purple shirt. And you bought me the green one. Because what I

1010
01:04:54.980 --> 01:04:58.540
want is not important. Yeah.

1011
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.800
You bought me what you thought was better

1012
01:05:03.800 --> 01:05:07.200
instead of listening to what I want.

1013
01:05:08.280 --> 01:05:09.120
Yeah.

1014
01:05:09.120 --> 01:05:11.080
How often did that happen in your life?

1015
01:05:13.240 --> 01:05:14.920
I say often.

1016
01:05:14.920 --> 01:05:16.400
Okay, me too.

1017
01:05:16.400 --> 01:05:18.920
When I was a child, I would make a Christmas list

1018
01:05:18.920 --> 01:05:23.600
and my mom would buy me things kind of in the same genre,

1019
01:05:23.600 --> 01:05:25.480
but not the thing.

1020
01:05:25.480 --> 01:05:27.640
Like I would say, I want a Swatch watch.

1021
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:28.800
Does anyone know what those are?

1022
01:05:29.520 --> 01:05:32.440
That was really big in the 80s when I was an adolescent.

1023
01:05:32.440 --> 01:05:34.640
And she would get me a watch.

1024
01:05:36.240 --> 01:05:37.640
Just a fricking watch.

1025
01:05:37.640 --> 01:05:38.840
I don't want a watch.

1026
01:05:38.840 --> 01:05:40.880
I want a Swatch watch.

1027
01:05:40.880 --> 01:05:41.720
Yeah.

1028
01:05:41.720 --> 01:05:42.560
You know?

1029
01:05:43.840 --> 01:05:45.440
And it wasn't a money situation.

1030
01:05:45.440 --> 01:05:46.480
We had plenty of money.

1031
01:05:46.480 --> 01:05:49.720
It was just a, my mom wasn't detailed.

1032
01:05:49.720 --> 01:05:52.880
She didn't care about the details of me.

1033
01:05:54.800 --> 01:05:55.640
Yeah.

1034
01:05:55.640 --> 01:05:56.480
And you know what happens, Laura?

1035
01:05:56.480 --> 01:06:01.480
We feel unseen, unknown, unloved, unheard, uncared for.

1036
01:06:03.560 --> 01:06:04.400
Yeah.

1037
01:06:04.400 --> 01:06:05.800
I mean, and looking back, it's like,

1038
01:06:07.400 --> 01:06:10.160
like I wouldn't necessarily like say those things

1039
01:06:10.160 --> 01:06:11.000
about my mom.

1040
01:06:11.000 --> 01:06:13.080
Like, oh, she didn't love me.

1041
01:06:13.080 --> 01:06:15.000
Or, you know, she didn't see me,

1042
01:06:15.000 --> 01:06:19.400
but now thinking about it that way is different.

1043
01:06:20.320 --> 01:06:25.000
It is different because you're voicing what you want

1044
01:06:25.000 --> 01:06:27.080
and also with parties and different things,

1045
01:06:27.080 --> 01:06:28.640
especially if they're not planned by us,

1046
01:06:28.640 --> 01:06:30.600
especially if they're planned by others,

1047
01:06:30.600 --> 01:06:34.120
there's a part of us that wants people to know us

1048
01:06:34.120 --> 01:06:36.760
and to know what we would like.

1049
01:06:36.760 --> 01:06:38.040
Yeah.

1050
01:06:38.040 --> 01:06:42.200
And then when that doesn't happen, we feel disappointed.

1051
01:06:44.120 --> 01:06:47.480
And I feel like I am really good

1052
01:06:47.480 --> 01:06:49.160
at being thoughtful for others

1053
01:06:49.160 --> 01:06:53.280
and paying attention to like the little details.

1054
01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:55.400
Oh, I bet you're a great gift giver.

1055
01:06:55.400 --> 01:06:56.840
Yes.

1056
01:06:56.840 --> 01:06:58.920
And that's like my love language.

1057
01:06:58.920 --> 01:06:59.760
I know.

1058
01:06:59.760 --> 01:07:00.600
And I love doing that.

1059
01:07:00.600 --> 01:07:03.040
I'll just let you see something I wrote down.

1060
01:07:03.040 --> 01:07:04.680
Shoot.

1061
01:07:04.680 --> 01:07:05.640
Crap.

1062
01:07:05.640 --> 01:07:06.760
I'm trying to figure out how.

1063
01:07:06.760 --> 01:07:08.520
Before you said that I wrote down

1064
01:07:09.760 --> 01:07:11.680
that your love language was gifts.

1065
01:07:12.600 --> 01:07:14.400
I want you to see that God loves you.

1066
01:07:14.400 --> 01:07:16.600
Shoot, I can't make it go in the camera.

1067
01:07:16.600 --> 01:07:17.440
Right there.

1068
01:07:17.440 --> 01:07:18.760
Love language, gifts.

1069
01:07:18.760 --> 01:07:19.600
See it?

1070
01:07:19.600 --> 01:07:20.440
Love language, gifts.

1071
01:07:20.440 --> 01:07:21.600
You see what I wrote about you?

1072
01:07:21.600 --> 01:07:22.440
Yep.

1073
01:07:24.120 --> 01:07:25.680
Okay.

1074
01:07:25.680 --> 01:07:27.960
People that have the love language of gifts

1075
01:07:27.960 --> 01:07:29.800
are people that are very intentional.

1076
01:07:29.800 --> 01:07:31.480
And so Laura, all that's happening here

1077
01:07:31.480 --> 01:07:34.200
is that you've been given a beautiful gift by God

1078
01:07:34.200 --> 01:07:36.720
called the gift of intention.

1079
01:07:36.720 --> 01:07:39.160
And you have not been surrounded by people

1080
01:07:39.160 --> 01:07:41.600
who have that gift as well.

1081
01:07:41.600 --> 01:07:42.440
Yeah.

1082
01:07:42.440 --> 01:07:43.280
And so,

1083
01:07:45.600 --> 01:07:46.440
you guys know,

1084
01:07:46.440 --> 01:07:48.080
have you guys ever gone to the grocery store?

1085
01:07:48.080 --> 01:07:49.640
They don't really have it that much anymore,

1086
01:07:49.640 --> 01:07:52.320
but they used to have products in every aisle

1087
01:07:52.400 --> 01:07:54.000
that were just in a plain white container

1088
01:07:54.000 --> 01:07:56.000
just said generic on it.

1089
01:07:56.000 --> 01:07:58.240
It was generic cheese or generic milk,

1090
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:00.320
or does anyone ever remember the generic products

1091
01:08:00.320 --> 01:08:01.600
in the grocery store?

1092
01:08:01.600 --> 01:08:03.200
They weren't a certain brand.

1093
01:08:03.200 --> 01:08:04.400
They weren't a certain quality.

1094
01:08:04.400 --> 01:08:06.160
They were just generic.

1095
01:08:06.160 --> 01:08:07.560
Generic just means,

1096
01:08:10.120 --> 01:08:11.120
who knows?

1097
01:08:11.120 --> 01:08:12.080
It's just generic.

1098
01:08:12.080 --> 01:08:15.520
It's just like a random thing of that genre,

1099
01:08:15.520 --> 01:08:17.120
milk, cheese, whatever it is.

1100
01:08:17.120 --> 01:08:20.439
So, Laura has been surrounded by generic people

1101
01:08:20.439 --> 01:08:21.319
all her life.

1102
01:08:23.319 --> 01:08:26.439
People that are not intentional about,

1103
01:08:27.840 --> 01:08:31.960
the details that make something great.

1104
01:08:34.359 --> 01:08:35.200
But Laura,

1105
01:08:35.200 --> 01:08:36.399
someone with your personality

1106
01:08:36.399 --> 01:08:38.399
would be a great party planner.

1107
01:08:38.399 --> 01:08:40.800
Ironically, since you've never had a good party,

1108
01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:42.640
you'd be a great party planner.

1109
01:08:42.640 --> 01:08:44.160
You would be great at,

1110
01:08:48.439 --> 01:08:51.240
wedding planning, party planning.

1111
01:08:51.479 --> 01:08:53.200
Baby showers, bridal showers.

1112
01:08:53.200 --> 01:08:54.120
Yes.

1113
01:08:54.120 --> 01:08:56.160
Helping with my siblings' weddings.

1114
01:08:56.160 --> 01:08:57.000
Yes.

1115
01:08:57.000 --> 01:08:57.840
I love all that.

1116
01:08:57.840 --> 01:08:59.120
You'd actually be a great concierge

1117
01:08:59.120 --> 01:09:00.720
of helping other people.

1118
01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:03.439
Okay, here's a million dollar business idea

1119
01:09:03.439 --> 01:09:05.479
for your personality.

1120
01:09:05.479 --> 01:09:09.000
Create a business

1121
01:09:09.000 --> 01:09:11.640
where people who don't know what to buy

1122
01:09:11.640 --> 01:09:13.000
for the people they love

1123
01:09:13.000 --> 01:09:15.160
can fill out a questionnaire about the person

1124
01:09:15.160 --> 01:09:17.160
and you can tell them the perfect gift.

1125
01:09:18.080 --> 01:09:19.720
There's your billion dollar,

1126
01:09:19.720 --> 01:09:22.240
your million dollar business idea.

1127
01:09:22.240 --> 01:09:23.960
Seriously, I'm not kidding.

1128
01:09:23.960 --> 01:09:25.560
It's like you could be a matchmaker

1129
01:09:25.560 --> 01:09:27.399
between people and presents.

1130
01:09:27.399 --> 01:09:28.240
Yes.

1131
01:09:30.160 --> 01:09:31.160
I love it.

1132
01:09:31.160 --> 01:09:32.680
Okay, there's nothing wrong with you

1133
01:09:32.680 --> 01:09:34.720
and your expectations are not too high.

1134
01:09:34.720 --> 01:09:35.920
That's not what's happening here.

1135
01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:39.120
What's happening is that you've never had the privilege

1136
01:09:39.120 --> 01:09:41.920
to be in relationship with someone

1137
01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:44.040
who really understands you

1138
01:09:44.040 --> 01:09:45.160
and what makes you tick

1139
01:09:45.160 --> 01:09:48.640
and really cares enough to get detailed.

1140
01:09:49.720 --> 01:09:50.880
Yeah, definitely.

1141
01:09:50.880 --> 01:09:52.080
That's all.

1142
01:09:52.080 --> 01:09:53.760
And so that needs to be a non-negotiable.

1143
01:09:53.760 --> 01:09:56.320
You guys remember, you're not in the dating thing yet.

1144
01:09:56.320 --> 01:09:57.160
A couple of you are.

1145
01:09:57.160 --> 01:09:58.200
You're in phase two.

1146
01:09:58.200 --> 01:10:00.400
But when you get to the dating thing, Laura.

1147
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:04.320
needs to make this on her list of heaven, non-negotiables.

1148
01:10:04.320 --> 01:10:09.320
She cannot be with a man who is not a detailed person,

1149
01:10:10.400 --> 01:10:15.400
who is not intentional and, what's the word?

1150
01:10:15.680 --> 01:10:20.320
Not sentimental, intentional and, shoot,

1151
01:10:21.600 --> 01:10:23.600
what's the word that we wanna use here?

1152
01:10:25.480 --> 01:10:27.240
Needs to be someone who's-

1153
01:10:27.240 --> 01:10:29.560
Thoughtful, but it's a fancier word.

1154
01:10:29.600 --> 01:10:31.160
Yeah, let's just say thoughtful.

1155
01:10:31.160 --> 01:10:34.520
You need someone who's gonna be very thoughtful, okay?

1156
01:10:34.520 --> 01:10:37.500
Because otherwise you're gonna be very unhappy.

1157
01:10:41.060 --> 01:10:43.360
And just like mom, you're gonna say,

1158
01:10:43.360 --> 01:10:47.360
well, it's not, I can't say that my husband doesn't love me,

1159
01:10:47.360 --> 01:10:51.380
but at the same time, I feel disappointed

1160
01:10:51.380 --> 01:10:52.840
and that's not gonna be good.

1161
01:10:54.680 --> 01:10:55.740
Right.

1162
01:10:55.740 --> 01:10:57.380
Right.

1163
01:10:57.380 --> 01:10:58.220
All right.

1164
01:10:58.240 --> 01:11:01.400
Do you guys see how God just has made us all so individual

1165
01:11:01.400 --> 01:11:02.720
and it's so important?

1166
01:11:02.720 --> 01:11:05.680
And a lot of you, you may be the exact opposite of Laura,

1167
01:11:05.680 --> 01:11:07.400
you just don't care.

1168
01:11:07.400 --> 01:11:10.560
Gifts are not your love language, it doesn't matter.

1169
01:11:10.560 --> 01:11:12.320
You know, it's whatever the thought that counts.

1170
01:11:12.320 --> 01:11:14.600
You don't care about whether or not someone

1171
01:11:14.600 --> 01:11:16.560
really knows you and shows that.

1172
01:11:16.560 --> 01:11:17.960
And you guys, just so you know,

1173
01:11:17.960 --> 01:11:20.360
the love language of gifts is not expensive,

1174
01:11:20.360 --> 01:11:23.560
it's not about money, it's about thoughtfulness.

1175
01:11:23.560 --> 01:11:27.160
It's about, oh, you listened to me.

1176
01:11:27.160 --> 01:11:29.380
You heard me when I said that my favorite gum

1177
01:11:29.380 --> 01:11:32.860
is, you know, fruity bubblicious.

1178
01:11:32.860 --> 01:11:34.820
And you brought me that,

1179
01:11:34.820 --> 01:11:37.020
you brought me that sweet little present.

1180
01:11:37.020 --> 01:11:38.380
You know, that's what it's about.

1181
01:11:38.380 --> 01:11:42.220
It's about you know me and you care.

1182
01:11:44.700 --> 01:11:45.540
How do I know this?

1183
01:11:45.540 --> 01:11:48.100
Because my youngest daughter's love language is gifts.

1184
01:11:49.340 --> 01:11:52.220
It's not my love language, but it's her love language.

1185
01:11:52.220 --> 01:11:55.820
And so in order to love her the way she needs to be loved,

1186
01:11:55.820 --> 01:11:58.920
I have to pay a lot of attention to all the squirrely things

1187
01:11:58.920 --> 01:12:00.760
that she talks about all the time.

1188
01:12:02.880 --> 01:12:04.560
Because she is, and I know you said

1189
01:12:04.560 --> 01:12:05.640
you weren't creative, Laura,

1190
01:12:05.640 --> 01:12:08.140
but I feel like people that have the love language of gifts

1191
01:12:08.140 --> 01:12:11.480
are usually people that really are creative people

1192
01:12:11.480 --> 01:12:14.740
that love the beauty of life.

1193
01:12:16.120 --> 01:12:18.960
They're people that love beautiful,

1194
01:12:18.960 --> 01:12:22.300
intentional, thoughtful things, so.

1195
01:12:23.240 --> 01:12:26.520
All right, y'all, we'll run out of time here.

1196
01:12:26.520 --> 01:12:28.680
We're at 121, got about nine more minutes.

1197
01:12:28.680 --> 01:12:30.760
I'm just gonna look through here.

1198
01:12:30.760 --> 01:12:32.720
Kylie feels that, that's speaking to her.

1199
01:12:32.720 --> 01:12:34.840
Hopefully more people that listen to the replay of this

1200
01:12:34.840 --> 01:12:39.700
will also relate to something that has been said

1201
01:12:39.700 --> 01:12:41.240
in any of this feedback.

1202
01:12:42.720 --> 01:12:44.920
Okay, I noticed that not all of you posted

1203
01:12:44.920 --> 01:12:46.200
what brings out your counterfeit.

1204
01:12:46.200 --> 01:12:47.640
Why is that?

1205
01:12:47.640 --> 01:12:49.000
Y'all have counterfeits.

1206
01:12:49.000 --> 01:12:51.080
Why didn't everyone post?

1207
01:12:51.100 --> 01:12:52.500
I'll give you just a minute to go ahead

1208
01:12:52.500 --> 01:12:53.460
and get that post up.

1209
01:12:53.460 --> 01:12:58.460
What triggers you into a response personality

1210
01:13:01.220 --> 01:13:03.420
that you know is not the authentic you?

1211
01:13:08.140 --> 01:13:09.740
Hey, Jackie, this is my first meeting.

1212
01:13:09.740 --> 01:13:11.540
I don't know where to post.

1213
01:13:11.540 --> 01:13:12.380
And-

1214
01:13:12.380 --> 01:13:13.460
Oh, in the chat?

1215
01:13:13.460 --> 01:13:15.060
Can you see that there's a chat?

1216
01:13:15.060 --> 01:13:15.900
Oh, I see it now.

1217
01:13:15.900 --> 01:13:17.020
Thank you so much.

1218
01:13:17.020 --> 01:13:18.900
Oh, Lori, welcome.

1219
01:13:18.900 --> 01:13:19.900
Thank you.

1220
01:13:19.920 --> 01:13:21.600
And I don't, what brings in the pride?

1221
01:13:21.600 --> 01:13:23.800
Like, what do I think is, like, what do I hide?

1222
01:13:23.800 --> 01:13:25.720
Cause I think I'm a fake or something.

1223
01:13:25.720 --> 01:13:27.760
No, like what, what,

1224
01:13:28.960 --> 01:13:31.600
what are the things that happen specifically

1225
01:13:31.600 --> 01:13:35.120
that can cause you to start acting in a way

1226
01:13:35.120 --> 01:13:39.280
that you know is not, it's not your best self?

1227
01:13:39.280 --> 01:13:40.880
Okay, thank you so much.

1228
01:13:40.880 --> 01:13:41.920
Yes, you're welcome.

1229
01:13:44.240 --> 01:13:46.200
So let's see if we can get a couple more up.

1230
01:13:46.200 --> 01:13:47.360
Take a look here.

1231
01:13:47.360 --> 01:13:48.600
And you guys also don't forget,

1232
01:13:48.600 --> 01:13:50.700
you can answer that other question of the areas

1233
01:13:50.700 --> 01:13:53.820
where you just don't feel like you can let go of control.

1234
01:13:53.820 --> 01:13:56.180
Those are also something that you can post.

1235
01:13:56.180 --> 01:13:57.460
Posted earlier about family

1236
01:13:57.460 --> 01:13:59.300
and maneuvering their mental health.

1237
01:13:59.300 --> 01:14:03.000
Okay, so Amy, maneuvering,

1238
01:14:03.000 --> 01:14:07.380
dealing with family members and their mental health

1239
01:14:07.380 --> 01:14:10.020
is something that brings out the worst in you.

1240
01:14:10.020 --> 01:14:11.420
Is that what you're saying?

1241
01:14:11.420 --> 01:14:15.140
Yeah, I think as we were talking about control earlier,

1242
01:14:15.140 --> 01:14:17.540
I've realized even as hearing everyone talk,

1243
01:14:17.540 --> 01:14:21.520
it's, I believe that they thought I was the one

1244
01:14:21.520 --> 01:14:23.020
that was most in control

1245
01:14:23.020 --> 01:14:26.480
because I wasn't maneuvering mental health as they were,

1246
01:14:26.480 --> 01:14:30.760
such as OCD, bipolar, those types of issues.

1247
01:14:30.760 --> 01:14:33.600
And those are things that I know the Lord

1248
01:14:33.600 --> 01:14:38.480
just wants to break off of our generational family line.

1249
01:14:38.480 --> 01:14:43.480
And so I believe I was the one that was most in control.

1250
01:14:43.520 --> 01:14:46.060
So I was the one that was made to fix things.

1251
01:14:46.080 --> 01:14:48.160
That was my form of control.

1252
01:14:48.160 --> 01:14:52.520
Like I was a fixer and still catch myself

1253
01:14:52.520 --> 01:14:56.600
attempting to do that and having to pull back from that.

1254
01:14:56.600 --> 01:14:58.660
And the way it brings out the worst in me,

1255
01:14:58.660 --> 01:15:00.200
I would say is probably.

1256
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.280
me just getting very frustrated and spiritually seeing like, Lord, when is this going to be

1257
01:15:07.280 --> 01:15:08.560
addressed by them?

1258
01:15:08.560 --> 01:15:13.600
Because I cannot, they have to go to the Lord with it and they are believers.

1259
01:15:13.600 --> 01:15:20.240
And I know that there's aspects of mental health that are not necessarily so simple.

1260
01:15:20.240 --> 01:15:25.040
I know there's anyways, but yeah, does that help?

1261
01:15:25.040 --> 01:15:27.220
Yeah, I'm just writing some stuff down.

1262
01:15:27.220 --> 01:15:37.340
So a couple things, when we become the stabilizer for the people that we love, when we become

1263
01:15:37.340 --> 01:15:43.300
the crutch for them, it's hard to get out of that kind of it.

1264
01:15:43.300 --> 01:15:50.980
Because if you try to remove yourself from being that, you start trying to set a boundary

1265
01:15:50.980 --> 01:15:51.980
there.

1266
01:15:51.980 --> 01:15:58.340
People usually get very angry because anger is fear and hurts bodyguard.

1267
01:15:58.340 --> 01:16:04.660
So when we try to remove ourselves as a stabilizing agent for people, especially with mental health

1268
01:16:04.660 --> 01:16:11.220
concerns, they're immediately going to feel betrayed, feel abandoned, fear is going to

1269
01:16:11.220 --> 01:16:12.220
set in.

1270
01:16:12.220 --> 01:16:13.220
Right.

1271
01:16:13.220 --> 01:16:14.220
And so it's hard.

1272
01:16:14.220 --> 01:16:20.260
And so you have to do that little by little, little by like, you can never go cold turkey.

1273
01:16:20.260 --> 01:16:24.380
I've seen so many people that will come through my programs and they have set up a very unhealthy

1274
01:16:24.380 --> 01:16:27.020
dynamic between them and the people they love.

1275
01:16:27.020 --> 01:16:28.020
Right.

1276
01:16:28.020 --> 01:16:31.700
It's a very unhealthy trauma bonding going on there.

1277
01:16:31.700 --> 01:16:35.860
And then because they're so sick and tired of being sick and tired by these people that

1278
01:16:35.860 --> 01:16:40.260
they come in and they think that the definition of boundaries is to just set up an immediate

1279
01:16:40.260 --> 01:16:44.100
peering away of nope, not going to do it anymore.

1280
01:16:44.100 --> 01:16:45.540
Well, y'all, that does not work.

1281
01:16:45.540 --> 01:16:46.540
Okay.

1282
01:16:46.540 --> 01:16:50.100
That does not work because what's going to happen is you're going to have a world war

1283
01:16:50.100 --> 01:16:55.940
three on your hands for sure, but beginning to put into, and this is for you to mainly

1284
01:16:55.940 --> 01:16:57.220
with your mama.

1285
01:16:57.220 --> 01:16:58.220
Okay.

1286
01:16:58.220 --> 01:17:04.580
Beginning to put in little tiny props, think of it as a tree y'all.

1287
01:17:04.580 --> 01:17:05.580
Okay.

1288
01:17:05.580 --> 01:17:09.900
If you've ever seen a tree, that's a baby tree that's growing a sapling, you'll see

1289
01:17:09.900 --> 01:17:16.260
that the sapling has props, these wooden stakes that are on each side of the sapling that

1290
01:17:16.260 --> 01:17:18.820
are helping it grow straight.

1291
01:17:18.820 --> 01:17:19.820
Okay.

1292
01:17:19.820 --> 01:17:25.460
They're supporting it to grow straight and we've been called to support one another,

1293
01:17:25.460 --> 01:17:32.100
but you'll see that after as a sapling is growing, certain supports start getting removed.

1294
01:17:32.100 --> 01:17:36.620
And that's what we have to do when we have allowed ourselves to be the main support of

1295
01:17:36.620 --> 01:17:37.620
someone.

1296
01:17:37.620 --> 01:17:38.620
We can't just take it away.

1297
01:17:38.620 --> 01:17:42.820
What we have to do is we have to start putting up other supports that are more appropriate

1298
01:17:42.820 --> 01:17:48.660
in that person's life and in our relationship with their life until they feel stable with

1299
01:17:48.660 --> 01:17:50.100
those new supports.

1300
01:17:50.100 --> 01:17:54.540
Then we start removing ourselves little by little by little by little, right?

1301
01:17:54.540 --> 01:17:55.540
For sure.

1302
01:17:55.540 --> 01:17:59.540
I think one of the things that did help, and I don't know if this speaks to a mingling

1303
01:17:59.540 --> 01:18:05.700
situation as well, but was being, having the opportunity to move away.

1304
01:18:05.700 --> 01:18:06.940
I still get to see them.

1305
01:18:06.940 --> 01:18:09.340
I still, still spend time with them.

1306
01:18:09.340 --> 01:18:12.740
I love them so much and I love spending time with them.

1307
01:18:13.660 --> 01:18:18.460
And so now for me currently, moving away is setting more clear boundaries of not being

1308
01:18:18.460 --> 01:18:20.300
the, I don't know what you said.

1309
01:18:20.300 --> 01:18:25.660
You said not fixer, but something else, the something with an S, sorry.

1310
01:18:25.660 --> 01:18:32.260
But all that to say it's helped so much, but now every time I go back, I'm having to face

1311
01:18:32.260 --> 01:18:33.260
that.

1312
01:18:33.260 --> 01:18:34.260
Okay.

1313
01:18:34.260 --> 01:18:36.620
How do I set clear boundaries when I'm among everybody?

1314
01:18:36.620 --> 01:18:42.020
I'm not going to listen to everyone's issues and try to fix them, but more so just enjoy

1315
01:18:42.300 --> 01:18:46.540
time together as a family, but it did help to move away.

1316
01:18:46.540 --> 01:18:47.540
Yes.

1317
01:18:47.540 --> 01:18:54.060
You guys, geographic separation is good, but mingling, her mom lives with her, so she's

1318
01:18:54.060 --> 01:18:55.420
not going to be able to do that.

1319
01:18:55.420 --> 01:19:00.100
And so what you have to do is you have to start encouraging mom to do things for herself.

1320
01:19:00.100 --> 01:19:02.980
Sometimes it's easier just to do stuff for people, even when you're children, it's just

1321
01:19:02.980 --> 01:19:06.020
easier for you to do it than for you to wait on them to do it.

1322
01:19:06.020 --> 01:19:09.260
But you guys, we have to let them do it themselves.

1323
01:19:09.260 --> 01:19:11.580
We have to, we have to encourage them to do it.

1324
01:19:12.140 --> 01:19:13.140
We have to support them to do it.

1325
01:19:13.140 --> 01:19:17.940
We have to help them get access to the tools and resources that are not us in order to

1326
01:19:17.940 --> 01:19:19.340
do it.

1327
01:19:19.340 --> 01:19:20.500
That's all important stuff.

1328
01:19:20.500 --> 01:19:28.740
So Amy has been able to, to implement distance with her family.

1329
01:19:28.740 --> 01:19:34.340
It's harder to depend on someone, especially everyday dependence when they're not there

1330
01:19:34.340 --> 01:19:35.340
physically.

1331
01:19:35.340 --> 01:19:36.340
Right.

1332
01:19:36.340 --> 01:19:41.100
And so the state stabilizer is the word that I used.

1333
01:19:41.620 --> 01:19:42.900
So really not there to stabilize.

1334
01:19:42.900 --> 01:19:45.100
They have to find out how to stabilize themselves.

1335
01:19:45.100 --> 01:19:46.100
Right.

1336
01:19:46.100 --> 01:19:47.100
And that's really important.

1337
01:19:47.100 --> 01:19:51.620
And also ladies that have children, you got to do that with your kids too.

1338
01:19:51.620 --> 01:19:52.620
Even your grown kids.

1339
01:19:52.620 --> 01:19:55.940
You can't always be, you can't be their God.

1340
01:19:55.940 --> 01:19:56.940
Okay.

1341
01:19:56.940 --> 01:20:00.020
We have to give people room to seek God.

1342
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.480
not just turn to us.

1343
01:20:02.480 --> 01:20:03.680
That's really important.

1344
01:20:05.480 --> 01:20:07.520
Laura, letting go of control in the dating apps.

1345
01:20:07.520 --> 01:20:09.520
Well, all of you should be in a dating sabbatical

1346
01:20:09.520 --> 01:20:12.440
besides those of you that have transitioned into phase two.

1347
01:20:12.440 --> 01:20:15.480
So please do not be on the dating apps.

1348
01:20:15.480 --> 01:20:17.440
Do not be on the dating apps if you're in phase one

1349
01:20:17.440 --> 01:20:20.000
heart work, you should be in a sabbatical.

1350
01:20:20.000 --> 01:20:22.400
And if you can't stay in the sabbatical,

1351
01:20:22.400 --> 01:20:25.520
you can't keep yourself from cheating, so to speak,

1352
01:20:25.520 --> 01:20:28.120
and going and getting on the dating apps.

1353
01:20:28.120 --> 01:20:29.220
And we need to dig into that

1354
01:20:29.260 --> 01:20:33.140
because that means that you're less concerned

1355
01:20:33.140 --> 01:20:35.900
about what has kept you in this pattern

1356
01:20:35.900 --> 01:20:38.860
and you're more concerned about just meeting someone.

1357
01:20:38.860 --> 01:20:41.160
And you guys, that is a toxic combination.

1358
01:20:42.460 --> 01:20:43.660
I wanna tell you right now,

1359
01:20:43.660 --> 01:20:45.740
the only thing that is keeping you

1360
01:20:45.740 --> 01:20:50.740
from a healthy and happy marriage-minded courtship

1361
01:20:50.940 --> 01:20:54.540
that turns into a marriage is you.

1362
01:20:55.500 --> 01:20:56.860
And I know people hate that.

1363
01:20:56.860 --> 01:20:58.940
They're like, oh, I've done the work on myself

1364
01:20:59.700 --> 01:21:00.540
for so many years.

1365
01:21:00.540 --> 01:21:03.100
I understand, but God led you here

1366
01:21:03.100 --> 01:21:07.060
because this is the tipping point, okay?

1367
01:21:07.060 --> 01:21:09.140
So let's focus on ourselves.

1368
01:21:09.140 --> 01:21:12.020
Let's let God show us where,

1369
01:21:12.020 --> 01:21:13.700
because like I just said, I just told you a story.

1370
01:21:13.700 --> 01:21:14.780
If you guys just got here,

1371
01:21:14.780 --> 01:21:18.300
I told a story at the beginning about a coaching call

1372
01:21:18.300 --> 01:21:20.340
that I was on right before this session,

1373
01:21:20.340 --> 01:21:23.540
where this woman, this guy is trying to love her

1374
01:21:23.540 --> 01:21:25.880
and he's a good guy, solid guy.

1375
01:21:25.880 --> 01:21:27.980
He's one of my guys, he's an amazing guy.

1376
01:21:28.020 --> 01:21:30.820
And she just will not allow herself to be loved.

1377
01:21:30.820 --> 01:21:32.620
And I know we think that, oh, that wouldn't be me.

1378
01:21:32.620 --> 01:21:34.560
I just can't wait to be loved.

1379
01:21:34.560 --> 01:21:37.180
Well, wanting to be loved

1380
01:21:37.180 --> 01:21:39.700
and being able to allowing yourself to be loved,

1381
01:21:39.700 --> 01:21:42.340
not the same thing, okay?

1382
01:21:42.340 --> 01:21:44.740
So we're gonna continue to do the hard work

1383
01:21:44.740 --> 01:21:48.340
and realize that God has love for us.

1384
01:21:48.340 --> 01:21:49.700
We don't gotta go find it.

1385
01:21:49.700 --> 01:21:53.420
What we have to do is be ready to be found by it, right?

1386
01:21:54.420 --> 01:21:55.380
Right?

1387
01:21:55.380 --> 01:21:56.540
Okay.

1388
01:21:56.540 --> 01:21:59.580
Nicole said, I'm feeling taken advantage of,

1389
01:21:59.580 --> 01:22:00.460
that triggers me.

1390
01:22:01.620 --> 01:22:03.380
But then she goes on to say her main love language

1391
01:22:03.380 --> 01:22:04.820
is acts of service.

1392
01:22:04.820 --> 01:22:08.460
So the antithesis of this is extracting from me,

1393
01:22:08.460 --> 01:22:11.700
not participating in a mutual give and take, receiving.

1394
01:22:11.700 --> 01:22:13.940
So basically what she's saying is,

1395
01:22:13.940 --> 01:22:18.060
is that she's triggered by feeling taken advantage of,

1396
01:22:18.060 --> 01:22:21.100
but I bet Nicole that you probably put yourself

1397
01:22:21.100 --> 01:22:23.660
into situations because of your acts of service,

1398
01:22:23.660 --> 01:22:26.380
love language, where you are toxically,

1399
01:22:26.380 --> 01:22:28.140
or at least in the past,

1400
01:22:28.140 --> 01:22:31.780
people-pleasing or over-serving others.

1401
01:22:31.780 --> 01:22:33.420
And givers attract takers, y'all.

1402
01:22:33.420 --> 01:22:34.540
That's a true story.

1403
01:22:35.940 --> 01:22:38.820
Givers attract takers.

1404
01:22:38.820 --> 01:22:42.740
So Nicole, your assignment is going to be

1405
01:22:42.740 --> 01:22:47.740
to make sure that 90% of the relationships that you're in,

1406
01:22:48.940 --> 01:22:50.340
and you guys, I'm not talking about

1407
01:22:50.380 --> 01:22:51.500
hundreds of relationships.

1408
01:22:51.500 --> 01:22:53.100
I'm just talking about a handful.

1409
01:22:53.100 --> 01:22:57.420
90% of that handful are going to be with reciprocation.

1410
01:22:57.420 --> 01:22:59.460
They're going to be reciprocal relationships,

1411
01:22:59.460 --> 01:23:03.860
which means you give, they take, they give, you take.

1412
01:23:04.940 --> 01:23:07.140
Sometimes you're the giver and they're the taker.

1413
01:23:07.140 --> 01:23:09.740
Sometimes they're the giver and you're the taker.

1414
01:23:09.740 --> 01:23:11.460
And that goes for friendships.

1415
01:23:13.020 --> 01:23:15.940
Okay, that goes for any type of relationship

1416
01:23:15.940 --> 01:23:18.260
that's not ministry.

1417
01:23:18.260 --> 01:23:20.060
And then if you're in ministry relationships

1418
01:23:20.780 --> 01:23:22.540
where you're clearly the giver and that person's the taker

1419
01:23:22.540 --> 01:23:24.500
and they don't owe you anything in return

1420
01:23:24.500 --> 01:23:27.500
because you are giving without expectation of return,

1421
01:23:27.500 --> 01:23:28.820
because it's ministry,

1422
01:23:28.820 --> 01:23:31.420
if you're in any kind of ministry capacity like that,

1423
01:23:31.420 --> 01:23:33.580
make sure that you're not getting over-involved

1424
01:23:33.580 --> 01:23:34.860
with those people, that you're giving them

1425
01:23:34.860 --> 01:23:37.100
exactly what God has told you to release to them,

1426
01:23:37.100 --> 01:23:38.780
nothing more, nothing less.

1427
01:23:41.180 --> 01:23:44.540
Guys, believe it or not, I used to be a social worker.

1428
01:23:44.540 --> 01:23:46.780
In my 20s, I was a social worker

1429
01:23:46.780 --> 01:23:48.260
before I got involved in television.

1430
01:23:48.300 --> 01:23:49.420
I've had a lot of careers,

1431
01:23:49.420 --> 01:23:51.540
but I was a social worker in my early 20s,

1432
01:23:51.540 --> 01:23:53.220
right after I became a believer.

1433
01:23:53.220 --> 01:23:55.740
And when I tell you that I lacked boundaries,

1434
01:23:55.740 --> 01:23:58.140
I had homeless people living with me, y'all.

1435
01:23:58.140 --> 01:23:59.660
I didn't know the word no.

1436
01:23:59.660 --> 01:24:01.820
I thought that I was supposed to serve everyone

1437
01:24:01.820 --> 01:24:06.580
to bleeding out myself because I was a good Christian person.

1438
01:24:06.580 --> 01:24:09.740
Needless to say, social work was not the right career for me

1439
01:24:11.420 --> 01:24:13.020
and I learned that very quickly.

1440
01:24:13.940 --> 01:24:17.300
So for those of you that feel taken advantage of,

1441
01:24:17.300 --> 01:24:20.300
let's make sure that the buck stops with us

1442
01:24:20.300 --> 01:24:22.300
and we realize that we're the ones

1443
01:24:22.300 --> 01:24:24.780
that have put ourselves into a lot of these

1444
01:24:24.780 --> 01:24:29.780
overextended giver plus taker situations.

1445
01:24:31.300 --> 01:24:33.780
And instead of pulling back and resenting people

1446
01:24:33.780 --> 01:24:38.620
and cutting them off, let's start to do things the right way.

1447
01:24:39.980 --> 01:24:40.820
Okay?

1448
01:24:42.220 --> 01:24:43.860
Start to do things the right way.

1449
01:24:44.060 --> 01:24:46.540
And that's going to make a huge difference.

1450
01:24:46.540 --> 01:24:48.740
All right, Father God, I thank you for your daughters.

1451
01:24:48.740 --> 01:24:50.340
I thank you for this time together.

1452
01:24:50.340 --> 01:24:53.500
I ask Lord that you would help us in all the areas

1453
01:24:53.500 --> 01:24:56.180
where we are not living the life

1454
01:24:56.180 --> 01:24:58.020
that you created us to live.

1455
01:24:58.020 --> 01:25:00.740
We ask that you would help us in all the areas

1456
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:05.000
So you continue to reveal and heal in each of their lives,

1457
01:25:00.740 --> 01:25:05.740
where we are not living the life that you created us to live.

1458
01:25:05.400 --> 01:25:06.840
bringing things to the surface,

1459
01:25:06.840 --> 01:25:09.280
things that are deep, deep, deeply rooted

1460
01:25:09.280 --> 01:25:10.560
in the subconscious,

1461
01:25:10.560 --> 01:25:14.240
bringing those things up to the conscious mind.

1462
01:25:14.240 --> 01:25:17.900
In fact, right now, God, we just speak right now.

1463
01:25:17.900 --> 01:25:21.920
Everything hidden comes to the surface.

1464
01:25:21.920 --> 01:25:23.480
Reveal to heal, Lord.

1465
01:25:23.480 --> 01:25:28.480
Let us understand the what, the why behind the what.

1466
01:25:31.560 --> 01:25:34.200
Let us understand the why behind the what.

1467
01:25:34.200 --> 01:25:37.140
The behavior patterns that are keeping us stuck,

1468
01:25:37.140 --> 01:25:39.120
that are holding us back from abundant life,

1469
01:25:39.120 --> 01:25:42.360
let us understand the why behind those things.

1470
01:25:42.360 --> 01:25:46.200
Give us clarity, give us revelation, give us wisdom,

1471
01:25:46.200 --> 01:25:49.080
but most importantly, give us grace and give us mercy

1472
01:25:49.080 --> 01:25:53.040
to be able to respond to these revealings with repentance,

1473
01:25:53.040 --> 01:25:57.080
to turn away, to forgive, to confess,

1474
01:25:57.080 --> 01:26:01.520
and to allow you to bring us into higher and higher levels

1475
01:26:01.520 --> 01:26:03.840
of abundance, in Jesus' name, amen.

1476
01:26:04.680 --> 01:26:06.280
All right, bless you all.

1477
01:26:06.280 --> 01:26:09.240
I'm gonna be here again at eight, so I'll see you then.

1478
01:26:09.240 --> 01:26:10.680
If you're gonna come back and double dip,

1479
01:26:10.680 --> 01:26:12.160
it'll be different, all right?

1480
01:26:12.160 --> 01:26:13.000
See you soon, bye.

1481
01:26:13.000 --> 01:26:13.840
Thank you.