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All right. Hey, last year's single. Welcome to love seats. We are here at the end of the

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month of September. We have so much, uh, end of the month of September and we have so much

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exciting stuff that is going to be coming. I mean, today is October 1st here this week.

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I can't believe it says October 1st, you guys, I, for some reason I thought it was that last

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day of September, but it's actually the first day of October, which is even better because

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this week we are headed into, uh, Rosh Hashanah and we're going to have so much fun. Uh, this

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week I led prayer this morning. It was fire. The things that got downloaded, we had an

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amazing word release this morning on prayer. And so that got recorded. And so please look

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for that in your replays. I'm going to have Cheryl put that up in everybody's replays

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and you'll be able to listen to that. Um, but we're going to continue into that mindset

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on supernatural Saturday. And then we have another special prophetic session. We usually

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only have it once a month. We had it last Sunday, but we're going to have another special

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prophetic session on Sunday night. All of that will be available in replay, but we would

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love to have you live. If you can be live. Okay. Love my red nails. Okay. Thanks. If

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you can see them up close, you probably wouldn't love them because they're super grown out

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from my daughter's wedding. So, um, very excited about love seats tonight. Why? Because

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we are kicking off a new era of last year, single, and that is our spirit mate match

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era, spirit mate match era. We're going to have all kinds of things on the calendar in

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October that utilize the tools that we have available to us as coaches and as matchmakers

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through spirit mate match. And so if you have not filled out your profile yet, please

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fill out your profile. If you're like, where is that? It is in the resource section of

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your app. Okay. In the resource section of phase two phase three men's group. Those are

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the only people that are here right now. Our phase one heart work. Chicky mamas are not

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here with us tonight because love seats is a higher level session only available to phase

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two and phase three and men. And so make sure that you look in that resource tab on your

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app and you'll see the affiliate program you can sign up for. And you'll also see your

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spirit mate match profiler intake form. A lot of people have had questions about, Hey,

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I can only upload one photo. Yeah, we're working on that. That's not supposed to be

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what happens, but one photo is better than no photo. And so make sure that you upload

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a photo and also keep in mind that as of now, our team, me and my little matchmaking apprentices

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that are helping me administratively are the only ones that see the profiles. So no potential

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men or women are scrolling through and looking at your profiles. And why is that? Because

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this is not a dating app. This is a matchmaking service and all of you that are in subscription,

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which is all of you, you are as a, as a perk of your subscription, you have been added

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to the dating pool or the database. And so we still have people rolling onto the database,

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but I'm happy to report that the percentage of men and women is really making me happy.

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Can I tell you that right now, the percentage of spirit mate match of men versus women,

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as far as profiles that have been filled out rivals, any dating app than you've ever been

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on. Okay. So we're getting a good turnout. I now currently have a thousand men in my

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1822 group. And I have been, and you can pray for me, but I have been talking to them personally.

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I've been slipping into their DMS personally, like, Hey, make sure you fill out your spirit

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mate match profile. And they are, they are filling them out. And so very excited about that. You

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guys, if you want a prayer objective, I would like to be at 50% men, 50% women by the end of 2024.

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Okay. That's what I would like to be at. And you guys, that would be a miracle. There's absolutely

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no dating service, matchmaking service, nothing out there that has an equal amount of men and

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women, but because of what's happening right now, as far as men filling it out and being open to

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filling it out. And the percentage of men keeps climbing every day. I really think we can get

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there. I do. Okay. Call me foolish, but I believe in faith that we can definitely get there.

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If you guys haven't noticed men, do not like technology when it comes to their love lives.

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They don't, they don't like dating.

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apps, they do not like texting. A lot of times, they're not good

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at keeping up with technology based relationship. And so it's

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difficult to get them to sign up for such a thing. But we have, I

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believe in my heart that we have obtained a high level of trust

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with our male population in 1822. And they trust us. And so

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they're willing to do what we're asking them to do. In fact, I

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had a guy say to me today that I'm going to try I'm trusting

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God and you Jackie and so that is huge kudos to me that I get

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to be in the same line as trusting God. And so I really I

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take that seriously. And I'm not going to betray that trust. I'm

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going to do my best to do what's best for everyone. So please go

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fill out yours if you haven't. And just understand that we are

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still in the process of taking the intake forms. But in October

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we are going to have some fun online meetups and events that

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that are using those intake forms to section people out. So

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that's going to be fun. A little bit of a single shuffle a little

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on on October 31, which is Halloween for most people, we're

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going to be having a fun event online for those of you that

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don't have Halloween plans because it is a Thursday. And so

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we're going to be doing some fun things with our spirit mate

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match tools and resources in October. So very fun, very fun

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with that. Not a speed dating event. For those of you that are

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asking for that I like shuffles better. And the difference

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between shuffles and speed dating is that the people that

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get to talk to each other already have something in

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common. Okay, we already know that there's some compatibility

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between the people that have those little brief interactions

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with each other based on assignment based on us assigning

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them to, you know, meet up with each other online or in person.

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So I like that better. I really do. Okay. All right. So if you

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have any brilliant ideas, you're like, Hey, what if this then

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email us with those brilliant ideas? admin at Jackie Dorman

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calm say, Hey, what if you tried this? Or I saw this happening in

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this place? Can we do that too? We'd love to hear from you. We

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do have some amazing ideas, but we are always open to more

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amazing ideas, especially from you our community. Alright, so

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without further ado, let's go ahead and start our spirit mate

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match single spotlights tonight. I have two millennial men that

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I'm excited to introduce you to for those ladies that are older

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and like, Hey, where are the guys in our age group? We will

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have them next time. And you're like, Hey, but what about

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highlighting women in the single spotlight? Well, look around.

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Remember how I said men don't like to come to live sessions,

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highlighting women to other women, and then men watching and

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replay, I feel is not a good use of our time. And so I will be

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highlighting my single, my spirit mate match profiles and

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women, but I'll be doing that on my social media where I have a

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lot of male following. And I know a lot of you don't know

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this. But you signed up for spirit mate match, you sign on

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the dotted line, you also signed that beautiful disclaimer

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form. Remember that form that you signed, that allows me to

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pretty much do anything that I want. And remember, I have your

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best interest in heart. So there's a whole bunch of you.

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And I didn't even randomly pick and choose. I just just quickly

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gathered a bunch of your profiles, and I posted them in

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my 1000 men group. So a lot of you are already out there, and

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you don't even know it yet. And so it's one of those things

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where you have to trust the process. You have to trust God

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trust Jackie, and just know that when there is a match, and there

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is interest that you will be notified. Okay, we will send a

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telegraph, we'll send a telegram, we will send a carrier

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pigeon, we will send messages, emails, we will get in touch

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with you, you don't got to worry about it. Okay. Alright, so

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let's get this going. Because you know, I can entertain you

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until you learn something all night long. I'd love to

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entertain you. But I'm going to bring up

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all right, Stevens in the house. So we got Steven. And then let

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me find Josh. I found Josh. Here's Josh. All right, add

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spotlight.

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All right, here we are. Hey, guys, thanks for coming tonight.

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I'm so glad you're here. Alright, so first round and

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ladies, you can put any appropriate questions in the

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chat for Steven and Josh. But we're gonna, we're just gonna

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start out with vital statistics. I actually happen to know both

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of these men fairly well. I've met them in person. I've known

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both of them for several years. In fact, I I've known Steven for

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more than seven years. And I've known him for a couple of years.

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years. Um, I actually knew his parents before I knew him and I was introduced to him from his

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parents. Um, both of them in heaven now and enjoying, you know, being with Jesus. And so we

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go, we go back and then Josh has been part of our community pretty much from the beginning. Um, but

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because thank you for your service, he has been doing a lot of things with his job in the military

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and the different things that he does. He's been kind of in and out. And so we're going to catch

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up with what Josh is up to, but Josh is another single spotlight that I've actually met in person

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several times. And so I can vouch for both of these guys, great guys, great godly character,

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eligible bachelors, the most eligible. And so, um, I'm going to let you guys go ahead and tell

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us where you currently, where are you from, where you currently live and your age. So Steven first

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then Josh. Yeah. Hi Jackie. Thanks for the opportunity. Um, so Steven Iams, I am from

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Columbus, Ohio as where I reside and age currently 45, but you give me literally six days. That

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number will change. Oh, okay. So turning 46, so more of an Xennial. So Steven's an Xennial. If

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you don't know what that is, that's Gen X and millennial had a baby and it's an Xennial,

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which basically means they're like the Oregon trail generation. Okay. Um, doing that fun stuff

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in school. Okay. And then Joshua, tell us where you live and how old you are.

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Hello. Great to be on. Um, yeah, so I live in Connecticut. And in fact, I am, uh, I am directly

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between New York city and Boston. So it's like a two, two and a half, half hour trip in either

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direction, right on the highway. So dead snap between the two and I grew up there, raised there

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born and raised. So yeah. And I am 41 years old. Okay. So awesome. So a true millennial of

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millennials. Okay. So on the, on the upper, upper curve of millennials and why is that important?

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Because people that are all coming from the same generation have a lot in common, but you know,

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once again, there there's age differences and matches for sure. Okay. So first question, um,

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you guys are both single, but have either one of you ever been married before? And do you

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have any children? I'll go. I have been married. Um, got married very long time ago, very young

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and divorced very young. So it was long, long time ago and no, no children. And Josh, how,

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how long have you been divorced? Uh, give me a second here. 14 years. All right. Yeah. A long

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time ago. Okay. And then Steven, same question. Never married and no children. All right. Never

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married, no children. Okay. So that's, that's easy. So what would you guys say is the, um,

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how would you describe your spiritual life? This is a big thing with our women. They want to know,

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you know, like what your connection to your spirituality is. How would you describe your

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spiritual life? You can use a word, you can, you know, kind of talk about how you connect

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spiritually to God. What does that look like? Do you go to church? Like, how would you describe it?

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Yeah, I can take this first. Um, I would describe my spiritual life as I'm a believer. Um, I've been

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raised in the church all my life, did multiple mission trips, uh, as younger. And then even

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through my father who did multiple mission trips with an orphanage in Chile, uh, went down a couple

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of times and did some, um, work down there in Chile with building the orphanages out currently.

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Um, I would say not a regular attender, but on occasion, a tender, um, I am someone who is very

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active in, um, a sporting event and it takes place a lot of times on the weekend. So therefore,

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uh, I am gone on the weekends, but yeah, I am a believer. Okay. Yes. And, and go ahead and say

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what that sporting event is. Cause that's like a big hobby of yours. They're really important.

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You love it and it's curling curling, the winter Olympic sport of ice curling. So where we

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so ladies go ahead and Google that if you, if you don't know what that is, it's like, it's kind of

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like shuffleboard meets like, how would you describe it? Describe curling? Oh, look, there's

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a little curling puck. Uh, yeah, it's, um, a four person sport on ice. It's like chess on ice is the

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easiest thing. Like you said, shuffleboard. So we're throwing stones, one end and trying to

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outscore the opponent. Yes. But you guys, I think it's important to understand that, you know,

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what, besides the skill of it and the, you know, the sportsmanship of it,

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what Steven loves about it is he loves the.

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community. There's an entire community of people that surround this sport, just like really any

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hobby. And so the community, um, has been a really big, important part of Steven's life over the last

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few years. Um, okay. So you guys remember it's all about community and that's important. Okay.

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So Josh, what do we got? So how do you describe your spiritual life and you can go ahead and

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throw in what you know, what you do for fun or hobby as well. Um, yeah, so my spiritual life,

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so born and raised Christian, um, in a non-denominational setting, uh, kind of

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walked away a little bit, uh, for a couple of years and really came back a couple of years ago.

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And since then, um, and we're talking like 2017, 2018 really came back in and discovered, uh, grace

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versus legalism, which was an awesome experience. And, uh, now we've just been on this awesome

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journey with the Lord and I, uh, my just started church hunting again. Um, but when I have a church

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or when I'm even now church hunting, uh, I try to attend as often as possible. So at least

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on Sunday and if there's Wednesday night services, I'll do that too. Um, yeah, I'm really into, uh,

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just exploring all aspects of God. I love everything about biblical history, but I'm also,

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uh, very in the charismatic movement you'll say. So I'm very interested in, uh, seeing healing in

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the prophetic and all these manifestations of the Lord. Um, they're really just letting Jesus

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change my life. So yeah, like church is a priority for me. Absolutely. And, um, yeah, I lose one week

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in a month because of the military, uh, national guard service. So that that's unfortunate. I can't

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really change that unless I quit the job, but that's it. And as far as hobbies, um, you threw

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that in there. I used to, used to do ballroom dance. I always throw that out because apparently

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that's a rare thing for guys. Don't know why. Um, haven't done that in a bit, but looking to restart

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and, um, really love being outdoors. That's like my thing. I'd like to get more into hiking,

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want to start camping. Um, but yeah, like being outdoors, hiking, um, I don't know, reading.

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There's a lot of things here. I'm on the spot, so I can't think of all of it, but I'm sure it'll

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come to me now. Yeah, it's great. And both of you guys are really outdoors guys. Both of you,

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both of you like to travel. You like to hike. Uh, Steven likes to ski and do all different types of

201
00:17:26.960 --> 00:17:33.360
outdoor things. Also, you know, both, both of these gentlemen have, you know, like to travel

202
00:17:33.360 --> 00:17:40.480
and do travel. And so, um, that that's important stuff. A lot of people are asking, can you

203
00:17:40.480 --> 00:17:45.120
relocate? Are you willing to, can you, um, that's a question for both of you.

204
00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:52.160
For me, it's, it's complicated. Uh, as of right now, I would say no, I am extremely close to my

205
00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:57.840
sister. Um, she's one year younger than I am on this, uh, one of four. So number three of four

206
00:17:57.840 --> 00:18:04.000
and my younger sister has five children. So I am very much part of her family and kind of the

207
00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:11.280
go-to babysitter for free. Um, but every occasion I do get gift cards, but yeah, so I'm the go-to

208
00:18:11.280 --> 00:18:16.240
babysitter. So it's, uh, it's not just a me moving decision. It's, uh, affects his family members as

209
00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:24.480
well. Right. Okay. Yes. Uncle Steven, uncle Steven really important. Um, I know his sister as well

210
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:32.000
and adorable kids. Um, so Josh, what about you? Are you able to relocate? So I could, um, my job

211
00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:37.280
is very much tied to my state where I live. So, uh, I would not be able to take my position

212
00:18:37.280 --> 00:18:43.840
elsewhere. That said, um, you know, uh, I wouldn't just relocate for the sake of dating. Uh, that

213
00:18:43.840 --> 00:18:50.240
would not happen. Um, but I could entertain long distance for, you know, like what looks like the

214
00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:58.000
right match. And as far as then getting married and relocating, yeah, absolutely. I am, I'm of

215
00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:04.640
the firm belief that, uh, when I get married, I really want to kind of give up what I have now

216
00:19:05.280 --> 00:19:09.040
and would hope that my partner would kind of do the same and both be going to do something new.

217
00:19:09.040 --> 00:19:14.960
So I'm very down for, uh, getting out of new England when the time comes. So in fact, I just

218
00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:19.840
went to Bethel in California and started thinking about, uh, maybe relocating sooner than later.

219
00:19:19.840 --> 00:19:24.400
We'll see. Oh, we've got a lot of Bethel, but a lot of Bethel women on here tonight that I

220
00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:33.360
would like, Hey, yes, come on. Okay. So 10 being extremely marriage minded, like, like I'm in that

221
00:19:33.360 --> 00:19:39.680
season, I'm looking for my wife and then one being, yeah, you know, I'm, I'm ready to date.

222
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:43.520
I'm ready to get out there and meet people on the scale of one to 10. And I just gave you the

223
00:19:43.520 --> 00:19:49.200
spectrum. Where are you? Well, obviously with the right person, but where are you

224
00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:54.960
Solid 12. Yeah. Out of 10, 12 out of 10. Get me married. Okay. So you're ready. You're like,

225
00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:58.480
you're ready. You're like, I want to meet her. I'm looking for her. I'm actively looking for her.

226
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.840
Looking, okay.

227
00:20:01.840 --> 00:20:03.000
And what about you, Steven?

228
00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:04.000
I'm gonna say eight, nine.

229
00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:06.680
So I come to the season of my life now.

230
00:20:06.680 --> 00:20:09.720
I think I'm, which is why I signed up

231
00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:11.080
and to be part of your program, Jackie.

232
00:20:11.080 --> 00:20:15.440
I am ready to, I don't wanna say settle down

233
00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:16.940
because I don't think I can ever settle,

234
00:20:16.940 --> 00:20:19.540
but because of all the activities that I do and things,

235
00:20:19.540 --> 00:20:22.200
but I'm ready to have a partner for life

236
00:20:22.200 --> 00:20:24.040
to do all of my adventures with.

237
00:20:24.040 --> 00:20:26.720
And I want that person to be with me.

238
00:20:26.720 --> 00:20:29.520
Yes, I can attest that both of these men

239
00:20:29.600 --> 00:20:33.120
need to marry a best friend.

240
00:20:33.120 --> 00:20:35.280
Both of them are gonna need to marry a woman

241
00:20:35.280 --> 00:20:40.160
who is fun to be with, that enjoys life.

242
00:20:41.120 --> 00:20:44.440
Joy is gonna be a non-negotiable for both of these guys.

243
00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:47.000
A woman who's excited about life,

244
00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:50.400
wants to do something significant with life

245
00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:54.680
and help people and in whatever way that looks like,

246
00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:59.680
but also to be that partner that they can,

247
00:20:59.680 --> 00:21:02.200
yeah, exactly, a ride or die best friend there, Nora.

248
00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:03.160
You got it.

249
00:21:03.160 --> 00:21:07.360
Okay, so kids, neither one of you have children.

250
00:21:07.360 --> 00:21:12.200
Do you want, if possible, biological children?

251
00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:14.300
Are you still open to biological children?

252
00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:17.960
Yes, yep.

253
00:21:17.960 --> 00:21:20.960
So I'm open to biological and non-biological.

254
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:24.060
Okay, what about you, Josh?

255
00:21:25.600 --> 00:21:28.040
Absolutely, I very much wanna be a dad.

256
00:21:28.040 --> 00:21:33.040
That's like one of my biggest things, I really do, so.

257
00:21:33.040 --> 00:21:35.600
Okay, are you also open to non-biological,

258
00:21:35.600 --> 00:21:38.080
meaning adoption, fostering,

259
00:21:38.080 --> 00:21:40.120
people that already have a child?

260
00:21:40.120 --> 00:21:41.320
I am, mm-hmm.

261
00:21:41.320 --> 00:21:43.000
Okay, all right.

262
00:21:43.000 --> 00:21:44.360
That answers your questions, ladies.

263
00:21:44.360 --> 00:21:47.240
So many of you asked that, so simmer down.

264
00:21:47.240 --> 00:21:48.640
All right, we got that.

265
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:49.880
Okay, what else do we have?

266
00:21:49.880 --> 00:21:53.940
Women are like, hey, babies, what do you think?

267
00:21:53.940 --> 00:21:57.700
Okay, does, let's see.

268
00:21:59.320 --> 00:22:01.340
Both are adorably handsome.

269
00:22:01.340 --> 00:22:03.480
Yes, I agree, for sure.

270
00:22:04.340 --> 00:22:05.900
Stephen, with that curling hobby,

271
00:22:05.900 --> 00:22:09.420
a lot of the Canadian ladies are like, pick me,

272
00:22:09.420 --> 00:22:12.740
because I guess that's a popular sport in Canada, right?

273
00:22:12.740 --> 00:22:13.580
Yep.

274
00:22:13.580 --> 00:22:15.420
Okay, people wanna know,

275
00:22:15.420 --> 00:22:16.780
favorite book you've ever read

276
00:22:16.780 --> 00:22:18.380
or book you're currently reading?

277
00:22:18.380 --> 00:22:20.460
Either, either, either answer.

278
00:22:21.460 --> 00:22:23.140
Top out, easy answer.

279
00:22:23.140 --> 00:22:26.100
Current book I'm reading is The Heart Work.

280
00:22:26.100 --> 00:22:27.340
Oh, yay.

281
00:22:27.340 --> 00:22:28.460
Okay, that makes me feel good.

282
00:22:28.460 --> 00:22:30.180
I like it, okay.

283
00:22:30.180 --> 00:22:31.820
So he's reading The Heart Work.

284
00:22:31.820 --> 00:22:33.220
Okay, what about you, Josh?

285
00:22:33.220 --> 00:22:35.860
I am, oh, it's around,

286
00:22:35.860 --> 00:22:36.980
I have a whole bookshelf behind me

287
00:22:36.980 --> 00:22:38.540
and I don't have it next to me.

288
00:22:40.020 --> 00:22:42.500
Currently reading, I think it's,

289
00:22:42.500 --> 00:22:43.900
is it Born for Significance

290
00:22:43.900 --> 00:22:45.940
or Made for Significance by Bill Johnson?

291
00:22:47.180 --> 00:22:49.020
Somebody actually at the Open Heavens Conference

292
00:22:49.060 --> 00:22:51.300
walked up and like perpetually handed that to me

293
00:22:51.300 --> 00:22:52.140
out of nowhere, was like,

294
00:22:52.140 --> 00:22:53.180
God told me to give you this,

295
00:22:53.180 --> 00:22:54.660
and it was one that I was considering buying,

296
00:22:54.660 --> 00:22:55.780
so there you go.

297
00:22:56.940 --> 00:23:01.940
One of the best books I've read is actually back here,

298
00:23:03.940 --> 00:23:07.660
and it is Wild at Heart by John Eldredge,

299
00:23:07.660 --> 00:23:10.660
which like every man should read that.

300
00:23:10.660 --> 00:23:11.500
That's a good one.

301
00:23:11.500 --> 00:23:13.340
And if you're into the male soul, read it too,

302
00:23:13.340 --> 00:23:17.020
but it's, yeah, it like unlocks the heart of men.

303
00:23:17.020 --> 00:23:19.060
It's amazing, so one of the best.

304
00:23:19.060 --> 00:23:21.140
Yeah, I have perused that book.

305
00:23:21.140 --> 00:23:23.060
It looks like Steven has read that book as well,

306
00:23:23.060 --> 00:23:25.140
or at least knows of it, because he's nodding.

307
00:23:25.140 --> 00:23:28.660
So yes, that's a good book for sure.

308
00:23:28.660 --> 00:23:31.820
Okay, ladies, I'm looking, I'm looking for,

309
00:23:31.820 --> 00:23:33.220
and ladies, for those of you that like,

310
00:23:33.220 --> 00:23:35.380
I wish I was 15 years younger, don't forget,

311
00:23:35.380 --> 00:23:37.620
we have amazing guys in Spirit Mate Match

312
00:23:37.620 --> 00:23:40.620
that are in your generation age group as well.

313
00:23:40.620 --> 00:23:43.740
So Gen X, two boomers, okay?

314
00:23:43.740 --> 00:23:46.940
And so we will be having those guys on next week.

315
00:23:47.700 --> 00:23:50.980
In fact, I had a great guy in his 60s still play softball.

316
00:23:50.980 --> 00:23:53.260
He's not here tonight because he has a softball game,

317
00:23:53.260 --> 00:23:55.980
but he was coming and he will be here next time.

318
00:23:55.980 --> 00:23:58.580
All right, so please do not despair.

319
00:24:00.020 --> 00:24:03.420
All right, all these questions have been answered already.

320
00:24:09.140 --> 00:24:11.620
What other new questions, you guys?

321
00:24:11.620 --> 00:24:13.380
Katie wants to know, what is the top item

322
00:24:13.380 --> 00:24:17.060
on your bucket list or top item on your bucket list?

323
00:24:20.020 --> 00:24:23.860
I would say the newest item I've added to the bucket list,

324
00:24:23.860 --> 00:24:24.940
and don't judge.

325
00:24:24.940 --> 00:24:27.820
Everyone's allowed to have a guilty pleasure show.

326
00:24:27.820 --> 00:24:28.660
Sure.

327
00:24:28.660 --> 00:24:30.940
I want to do a below deck episode.

328
00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:33.740
I want to go get a super yacht,

329
00:24:33.740 --> 00:24:36.900
take some friends and just have a good time on a boat.

330
00:24:36.900 --> 00:24:38.220
Okay, yeah.

331
00:24:39.740 --> 00:24:40.860
Yeah, that sounds super fun.

332
00:24:40.900 --> 00:24:43.980
I hope that I get invited because I am super fun friend.

333
00:24:43.980 --> 00:24:47.580
And so going on a yacht, that sounds fun.

334
00:24:47.580 --> 00:24:50.420
Below deck, is that like a show?

335
00:24:50.420 --> 00:24:51.820
It is.

336
00:24:51.820 --> 00:24:53.620
Okay, I haven't seen that.

337
00:24:53.620 --> 00:24:55.900
I want to be more of the people that get catered to.

338
00:24:55.900 --> 00:24:57.300
I don't want to be the servers for it,

339
00:24:57.300 --> 00:24:59.580
but yeah, I want to go to the Caribbeans,

340
00:24:59.580 --> 00:25:00.420
having some fun.

341
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.720
But a lot of time there, um, so I'd love to go down and a better way

342
00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:04.920
than to run a super yacht and do it.

343
00:25:04.920 --> 00:25:06.680
So, yeah, like a chart.

344
00:25:06.680 --> 00:25:11.520
So like a charter trip on a yacht to like, you know, and we just got off a cruise.

345
00:25:11.520 --> 00:25:14.880
And I think that that would really be fun to like be on a smaller vessel.

346
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:16.040
That's a little bit more high end.

347
00:25:16.040 --> 00:25:16.600
That'd be fun.

348
00:25:17.040 --> 00:25:18.160
Um, what about you, Josh?

349
00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:21.800
And you guys, because it's a bucket list item, you know, it can be extravagant.

350
00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:25.040
You may or may not do it in your lifetime, but we'd like to know, go ahead, Josh.

351
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:26.480
That's a hard one to think of.

352
00:25:26.520 --> 00:25:30.480
Um, cause I just filled some of the bucket list items in the past couple of years.

353
00:25:30.520 --> 00:25:37.400
Um, I think I really want to go, I want to go out to the Pacific Northwest and.

354
00:25:38.080 --> 00:25:41.080
Like do some hiking, camping out there, like for a couple of days.

355
00:25:41.080 --> 00:25:41.840
That's a big one.

356
00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:46.640
Um, I just saw the Redwoods for the first time like a week ago and that was incredible.

357
00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:47.920
So not even a week ago.

358
00:25:47.960 --> 00:25:50.880
So, uh, yeah, definitely have to go out there.

359
00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:52.600
Everything else that I want to do.

360
00:25:52.600 --> 00:25:53.720
Big ones are checked off.

361
00:25:53.720 --> 00:25:57.760
So I think I've got, I'm letting God give me new ones, but there's a lot I want to do,

362
00:25:57.760 --> 00:25:59.560
but, but that's when it sticks out for now.

363
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:01.600
Yeah, no, that's great.

364
00:26:01.640 --> 00:26:02.160
I love it.

365
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:03.320
Um, okay.

366
00:26:03.320 --> 00:26:06.560
So we know that both of you are outdoors guys.

367
00:26:06.560 --> 00:26:12.680
You like to visit the wild outside, the wild outdoors, but as far as when it comes to

368
00:26:12.680 --> 00:26:17.640
living, people want to know city or country or suburbs, we can add suburbs in there.

369
00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:21.840
I don't know why we would, but we will city, country or suburbs.

370
00:26:25.040 --> 00:26:25.560
I'll go.

371
00:26:25.640 --> 00:26:33.400
Um, I would, I'm going to say suburb to a point.

372
00:26:33.480 --> 00:26:38.120
Um, just because I like having access to both.

373
00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:41.720
Like I love going to New York city, you know, that, um, you know,

374
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:46.640
hanging out and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,

375
00:26:46.800 --> 00:26:49.840
um, you know, hanging out and doing things for a couple of days, but I wouldn't live

376
00:26:49.840 --> 00:26:56.160
there, um, being out in the extreme country, maybe if it's flat, probably

377
00:26:56.160 --> 00:26:58.800
not, but maybe in like the mountainous areas more likely.

378
00:26:58.800 --> 00:26:59.120
Yeah.

379
00:26:59.680 --> 00:26:59.880
Yeah.

380
00:26:59.880 --> 00:27:02.520
But I would lean more towards rural, like where I can have

381
00:27:02.520 --> 00:27:04.320
trees instead of asphalt.

382
00:27:04.360 --> 00:27:04.840
That'd be great.

383
00:27:05.240 --> 00:27:05.440
Yeah.

384
00:27:05.960 --> 00:27:06.440
Okay.

385
00:27:06.560 --> 00:27:08.440
So trees, mountains.

386
00:27:08.680 --> 00:27:11.320
And so wait, answer this before Steven answers the first question.

387
00:27:11.320 --> 00:27:14.360
You answer this ocean or mountains.

388
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:16.520
Beach or mountains.

389
00:27:19.240 --> 00:27:22.240
Mountains more than beach, but I do love the water.

390
00:27:22.560 --> 00:27:23.480
So, okay.

391
00:27:24.040 --> 00:27:24.560
Fair.

392
00:27:25.320 --> 00:27:25.640
Yeah.

393
00:27:25.800 --> 00:27:29.720
And if you hit that right, that, that, that little piece of, you know, the

394
00:27:29.720 --> 00:27:33.880
Pacific coast highway going up into Santa Barbara and Malibu, you get both.

395
00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:34.640
Right.

396
00:27:34.760 --> 00:27:36.120
You get the nice hills.

397
00:27:36.120 --> 00:27:37.960
They're not mountains quite, but you get the ocean too.

398
00:27:37.960 --> 00:27:38.800
It's gorgeous there.

399
00:27:39.120 --> 00:27:39.400
All right.

400
00:27:39.400 --> 00:27:43.080
So first question, city, suburbs, country for you.

401
00:27:43.120 --> 00:27:45.000
And then you can answer beach or mountains as well.

402
00:27:45.320 --> 00:27:45.600
Yeah.

403
00:27:45.840 --> 00:27:50.240
Uh, country for me, I would say, um, I currently live in the suburbs, but, uh,

404
00:27:50.240 --> 00:27:53.640
country is kind of where my heart's always been born and raised in the country.

405
00:27:54.520 --> 00:27:56.240
Uh, did 4-H when I was a child.

406
00:27:56.240 --> 00:27:58.160
So took pigs and sheep to the fair.

407
00:27:58.200 --> 00:28:03.040
Um, so loved on a farm, grew up till the land know how that all works.

408
00:28:03.360 --> 00:28:06.960
Um, you would not think by my taste now that, Hey, I want to do a super yacht,

409
00:28:07.560 --> 00:28:10.720
certain things, but, and do you like the nice, nice things in life?

410
00:28:10.760 --> 00:28:11.960
Between mountains and beach.

411
00:28:12.040 --> 00:28:16.120
Uh, if you had a caught me, I would say 10, 15 years ago, always mountain always.

412
00:28:16.200 --> 00:28:21.520
Um, but then go to Hawaii and spend a God that for a friend's wedding and

413
00:28:21.520 --> 00:28:23.040
spend a couple of weeks on the beach.

414
00:28:23.520 --> 00:28:27.320
Um, yeah, I've got totally into the beach life now, so I can totally just chill

415
00:28:27.320 --> 00:28:29.880
out at the beach and veg and I'd be good with that.

416
00:28:31.400 --> 00:28:31.760
Okay.

417
00:28:31.760 --> 00:28:32.280
I love it.

418
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:33.000
All right.

419
00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:37.440
So tell people what you guys do, um, for your vocation for living and

420
00:28:37.440 --> 00:28:38.040
and do you like it?

421
00:28:38.040 --> 00:28:38.680
What do you do?

422
00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:39.360
And do you like it?

423
00:28:39.360 --> 00:28:39.680
All right.

424
00:28:39.680 --> 00:28:40.240
I'll go first.

425
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:44.160
Um, so as I mentioned, I am in the national guard, which means that I, uh,

426
00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:46.680
I lose at least a weekend a month and a couple of weeks in the year.

427
00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:51.800
And then various other crazy weeks and months for Lord knows what.

428
00:28:52.160 --> 00:29:02.840
Uh, but I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

429
00:29:02.840 --> 00:29:07.240
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.

430
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:08.760
Not just work for them part-time.

431
00:29:08.760 --> 00:29:14.480
I'm also a full-time employee and I manage, uh, their IT department

432
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:15.240
in here, Connecticut.

433
00:29:15.240 --> 00:29:19.200
So I'm one of the three managers for the Connecticut national guards IT.

434
00:29:19.760 --> 00:29:24.720
Uh, so it's a lot of customer service, uh, not the most exciting job, but.

435
00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:30.240
It gives me good connections with people and it's really not bad.

436
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.560
There's some good benefits there and it's what I'll keep doing until

437
00:29:33.560 --> 00:29:34.680
I leave the state, that's for sure.

438
00:29:35.280 --> 00:29:37.120
So, okay.

439
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:43.640
And dream, dream, like if you were, if you were not in service, uh, the

440
00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:46.520
skillset that you have crosses over to what, what would you do?

441
00:29:46.560 --> 00:29:47.360
What would you be doing?

442
00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:49.960
Oh, yeah.

443
00:29:49.960 --> 00:29:52.600
I can still take that to other like managerial roles.

444
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:55.800
Um, and I couldn't, I mean, I could apply to other roles in the federal

445
00:29:55.800 --> 00:29:59.960
government for, uh, for the time being when I was transitioning, that was.

446
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.440
would want to do, I guess my question is what would you want to do if you aren't doing what

447
00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:04.440
you're doing?

448
00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:06.160
I'm still discovering that.

449
00:30:06.160 --> 00:30:09.840
And so there are other books I'm reading in the process to try to let the Lord unlock

450
00:30:09.840 --> 00:30:13.600
that, but he's dropping a lot on me in a short period of time.

451
00:30:13.600 --> 00:30:17.280
So that is a actively unfolding thing, but I'm in discovery.

452
00:30:17.280 --> 00:30:18.280
So.

453
00:30:18.280 --> 00:30:19.280
Okay.

454
00:30:19.280 --> 00:30:20.280
I love that.

455
00:30:20.280 --> 00:30:21.280
And a good woman will help that discovery.

456
00:30:21.280 --> 00:30:23.480
Um, so we love, we love that.

457
00:30:23.480 --> 00:30:24.480
Okay.

458
00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:27.160
And so Steven, what do you do and do you love it?

459
00:30:27.160 --> 00:30:31.480
I am an account manager, um, sales is kind of what I do.

460
00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:34.080
Uh, I do, I'm in the healthcare aspect.

461
00:30:34.080 --> 00:30:39.360
So I work for a healthcare company and I serve as hospitals, um, kind of in the Northern

462
00:30:39.360 --> 00:30:44.560
Ohio territory, even though I live in the Columbus area, but, um, yeah, it's, it's a

463
00:30:44.560 --> 00:30:45.560
fun role.

464
00:30:45.560 --> 00:30:46.560
I've always enjoyed account management.

465
00:30:46.560 --> 00:30:50.760
Um, I've done it for the last couple of years, um, been in the healthcare space the last

466
00:30:50.760 --> 00:30:51.760
15 years.

467
00:30:51.760 --> 00:30:55.400
And then before that I was in the wireless space for almost 15 years as well.

468
00:30:55.400 --> 00:30:58.840
So, um, I worked for Verizon for years.

469
00:30:58.840 --> 00:31:01.760
I didn't do anything with her down outages in the Midwest yesterday.

470
00:31:01.760 --> 00:31:05.800
So don't blame me if you would live in the Midwest and didn't have phone service, but,

471
00:31:05.800 --> 00:31:11.280
um, yeah, it's, uh, it's kind of always what I love to do is the account management sales.

472
00:31:11.280 --> 00:31:12.280
Awesome.

473
00:31:12.280 --> 00:31:13.280
Yes.

474
00:31:13.280 --> 00:31:21.200
And I can vouch for both these guys, both of them responsible, financially stable, and,

475
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:23.640
you know, good at what they do and with people.

476
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:24.640
Okay.

477
00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:26.720
So let's ask three adjectives.

478
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:33.400
You can take a few minutes to think about this, but three adjectives to describe, um,

479
00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:36.320
what you, what attracts you in a woman.

480
00:31:36.320 --> 00:31:37.320
Okay.

481
00:31:37.320 --> 00:31:41.480
So like, you know, spontaneity, kindness, like three adjectives.

482
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:48.300
We'll keep it to three that, you know, that you find attractive and what you are looking

483
00:31:48.300 --> 00:31:52.240
for in your spirit mate.

484
00:31:53.240 --> 00:31:58.680
I would say I'm going, um, I think Jackie, you know, I've talked about that before.

485
00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:01.320
I just, um, I'm an outgoing personality.

486
00:32:01.320 --> 00:32:06.080
I like someone who can kind of equal and match that, um, who's also outgoing, who's adventurous,

487
00:32:06.080 --> 00:32:11.960
um, likes to do new things because, um, there's so many things to do out there in life.

488
00:32:11.960 --> 00:32:14.000
I just don't want to keep doing the same things over and over again.

489
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:15.760
So I'm always adventurous looking.

490
00:32:15.760 --> 00:32:19.720
And then I think one of the biggest things for me, and I don't know if it's really an

491
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:22.080
adjective, but, um, just financial security.

492
00:32:22.920 --> 00:32:24.160
Someone who knows how to handle their own finances.

493
00:32:24.160 --> 00:32:28.800
I've felt I've done a very good job through my career, my life and where I'm at.

494
00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:30.400
Um, and let's be real.

495
00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:32.640
I don't want to work the rest of my life either.

496
00:32:32.640 --> 00:32:35.520
I have a certain goal of an age that I'm trying to retire at.

497
00:32:35.520 --> 00:32:40.440
Um, and I'm working very hard to get to that age and I would like to enjoy my life and

498
00:32:40.440 --> 00:32:41.440
do other things as well.

499
00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:47.240
So, um, I think just someone who's also very financial aware or acute to what their situations

500
00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:49.240
are is very attractive.

501
00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:50.240
Yeah.

502
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:54.160
So he wants someone who's also been financially responsible is what he's saying.

503
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:59.600
And you know, has had a plan for their finances as well, so that you guys can come together

504
00:32:59.600 --> 00:33:04.360
and you know, retire and refire and do all the things.

505
00:33:04.360 --> 00:33:05.360
Okay.

506
00:33:05.360 --> 00:33:08.160
Because ladies, and I think it's important because Steven just said this, I want this

507
00:33:08.160 --> 00:33:10.200
to turn into, cause we do have love seats tonight.

508
00:33:10.200 --> 00:33:11.920
Let's turn this into a coaching moment.

509
00:33:11.920 --> 00:33:19.680
Um, if you are looking for a man to, you know, finance your life, then that is a bygone era.

510
00:33:20.120 --> 00:33:21.120
Okay.

511
00:33:21.120 --> 00:33:24.480
It's one thing to have a season of life where you want to stay at home and raise children.

512
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:29.360
And you know, you can negotiate that in relationship, like, Hey, this is what I'm looking for.

513
00:33:29.360 --> 00:33:30.720
I want to be a stay-at-home mom.

514
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:34.680
That's present in the children's lives, you know, while they're young and, and, and, and

515
00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:35.680
growing up.

516
00:33:35.680 --> 00:33:36.680
Right.

517
00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:40.960
Um, but if you're just looking for, you know, to be able to quit your job that you don't

518
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:46.320
like and have some man like fund your life, we don't do that anymore.

519
00:33:46.320 --> 00:33:47.320
Okay.

520
00:33:47.320 --> 00:33:48.480
We got the vote.

521
00:33:48.480 --> 00:33:49.620
We're empowered.

522
00:33:50.560 --> 00:33:51.560
We don't do that anymore.

523
00:33:51.560 --> 00:33:52.560
That's not what women do.

524
00:33:52.560 --> 00:33:53.560
Okay.

525
00:33:53.560 --> 00:33:54.560
And men don't like it.

526
00:33:54.560 --> 00:33:55.560
I'm just telling you.

527
00:33:55.560 --> 00:34:00.580
A lot of men will say to me, Hey, I want a woman who, um, has plans, has ambitions is

528
00:34:00.580 --> 00:34:06.620
going after things in life and isn't just waiting for me to show up to give her identity

529
00:34:06.620 --> 00:34:07.620
or value.

530
00:34:07.620 --> 00:34:08.620
So that's important.

531
00:34:08.620 --> 00:34:09.940
And, and Stephen's not saying any of that.

532
00:34:09.940 --> 00:34:12.940
I'm saying all of that as a coaching moment for our ladies that are watching.

533
00:34:12.940 --> 00:34:13.940
Okay.

534
00:34:13.940 --> 00:34:18.739
So the one thing I would add on, because I don't want it to come across like, Hey, if

535
00:34:18.860 --> 00:34:24.580
you've got that or anything, no, I'm also someone who is, I want, I want to be a cheerleader

536
00:34:24.580 --> 00:34:28.260
just as much for them as I want them to be a cheerleader for me through my life.

537
00:34:28.260 --> 00:34:32.420
So if there's goals, if there's things that they're looking for in life, I am, I want

538
00:34:32.420 --> 00:34:36.139
to be right there and be a champion for them and be that rock for them.

539
00:34:36.139 --> 00:34:41.060
But at the same point as a man, we also need a woman to be that support for us as well.

540
00:34:41.060 --> 00:34:44.380
Uh, and we need the cheerleader right behind us because, uh, let's face it.

541
00:34:44.380 --> 00:34:48.739
There are some times when we go out and it's scary that the adventures as we do, and you

542
00:34:48.739 --> 00:34:53.699
take a new leap, a new career change or something, um, you do need that support.

543
00:34:53.699 --> 00:34:56.060
And that's kind of what I'm looking for as well.

544
00:34:56.060 --> 00:34:57.060
Yeah.

545
00:34:57.060 --> 00:34:58.060
Very good.

546
00:34:58.060 --> 00:34:59.060
Very well said you guys.

547
00:34:59.060 --> 00:35:00.060
And that is what.

548
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.560
is what modern marriage looks like.

549
00:35:00.060 --> 00:35:01.060
That's what I'm looking for.

550
00:35:01.060 --> 00:35:02.060
Yeah.

551
00:35:01.560 --> 00:35:03.880
And honestly, I think that's what God had intended

552
00:35:02.060 --> 00:35:03.060
Yeah.

553
00:35:03.060 --> 00:35:04.060
Yeah.

554
00:35:03.880 --> 00:35:05.960
when he made the masculine and feminine,

555
00:35:04.060 --> 00:35:05.060
Yeah.

556
00:35:05.060 --> 00:35:06.060
Yeah.

557
00:35:05.960 --> 00:35:07.880
that we would be complimentary opposites,

558
00:35:06.060 --> 00:35:07.060
Yeah.

559
00:35:07.060 --> 00:35:08.060
Yeah.

560
00:35:07.880 --> 00:35:09.800
that we would be able to partner,

561
00:35:08.060 --> 00:35:09.060
Yeah.

562
00:35:09.060 --> 00:35:10.060
Yeah.

563
00:35:09.800 --> 00:35:11.180
and one can't, but two can.

564
00:35:10.060 --> 00:35:11.060
Yeah.

565
00:35:11.060 --> 00:35:12.060
Yeah.

566
00:35:11.180 --> 00:35:13.360
You guys know, for those of you that are in the community,

567
00:35:12.060 --> 00:35:13.060
Yeah.

568
00:35:13.060 --> 00:35:14.060
Yeah.

569
00:35:13.360 --> 00:35:14.600
you know what that means.

570
00:35:14.600 --> 00:35:17.360
And so just being able to be better together,

571
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:18.520
that's really what it's all about.

572
00:35:18.520 --> 00:35:20.200
So well said, thank you, Steven.

573
00:35:20.200 --> 00:35:22.240
Josh, three adjectives.

574
00:35:22.240 --> 00:35:23.080
Oh man.

575
00:35:25.600 --> 00:35:27.400
Or more, if you have more, that's fine.

576
00:35:27.400 --> 00:35:28.520
Oh gosh.

577
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:31.560
I don't know if I can fit it into adjectives,

578
00:35:31.560 --> 00:35:36.560
but I definitely will co-sign on spontaneity

579
00:35:37.600 --> 00:35:39.440
or adventurism, for sure.

580
00:35:41.520 --> 00:35:44.160
I don't, I'm really not looking for someone

581
00:35:44.160 --> 00:35:48.040
who just wants to be a homebody, which is fine.

582
00:35:48.040 --> 00:35:50.240
Like that's totally fine, and I can respect that,

583
00:35:50.240 --> 00:35:53.080
but it's just not the life that I want to live.

584
00:35:53.080 --> 00:35:55.880
I really want to be able to get up and go and do things.

585
00:35:55.880 --> 00:35:58.740
Low cost is fine, but you know, be adventurous.

586
00:36:00.840 --> 00:36:03.640
Someone who has grace, you know,

587
00:36:03.640 --> 00:36:07.000
and there's a lot, but gentleness, wisdom,

588
00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:08.760
like all combined to grace.

589
00:36:08.760 --> 00:36:11.480
And I'm not sure how else to explain it,

590
00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:16.480
but I really value when a woman is like very secure

591
00:36:18.480 --> 00:36:23.480
in her femininity and just enjoys being female.

592
00:36:25.040 --> 00:36:26.400
Just like I enjoy being male.

593
00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:29.600
Like I just love our, like I love the different identities

594
00:36:30.200 --> 00:36:31.240
that we have and how we complement each other.

595
00:36:31.240 --> 00:36:32.840
So I value that.

596
00:36:32.840 --> 00:36:34.440
So I don't know how else to put that.

597
00:36:34.440 --> 00:36:37.660
It's kind of open-ended, but it means a lot to me, so.

598
00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:39.980
Okay, awesome.

599
00:36:42.320 --> 00:36:44.320
This question always comes up, but are you,

600
00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:47.480
are you, both of you, this question is to both of you,

601
00:36:47.480 --> 00:36:50.400
are you open to people that come from different backgrounds,

602
00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:52.400
different ethnicities, or are you just open

603
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:56.900
to just different people than y'all?

604
00:36:57.900 --> 00:37:02.860
Didn't grow up like you, don't necessarily look like you.

605
00:37:02.860 --> 00:37:03.900
Are you open to that?

606
00:37:06.140 --> 00:37:06.980
Yes.

607
00:37:08.700 --> 00:37:12.620
Yeah, the only thing I would say, I am a conservative,

608
00:37:12.620 --> 00:37:15.960
but I would just, would like to ideally align

609
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:18.460
for those values and that mindset a little bit.

610
00:37:19.420 --> 00:37:21.740
It's kind of where I come from.

611
00:37:21.740 --> 00:37:26.740
Okay, so that's, so that was about, he's conservative.

612
00:37:26.780 --> 00:37:28.740
So those values, and I think, Josh,

613
00:37:28.740 --> 00:37:31.380
that actually holds true for you too, as well.

614
00:37:31.380 --> 00:37:32.420
Oh yeah, yeah, it does.

615
00:37:32.420 --> 00:37:35.220
Okay, yeah.

616
00:37:35.220 --> 00:37:39.220
So, all right, well, in this community,

617
00:37:39.220 --> 00:37:41.820
I don't think we're gonna have much pushback on that.

618
00:37:41.820 --> 00:37:44.220
So that's well said.

619
00:37:44.220 --> 00:37:46.900
Got people in here like, I'm Italian, check me out.

620
00:37:46.900 --> 00:37:51.780
Okay, all right, so do either of you guys cook?

621
00:37:51.780 --> 00:37:54.620
I know Stephen's a foodie, he likes to eat good food.

622
00:37:54.620 --> 00:37:58.300
I think Josh actually likes to experiment and eat

623
00:37:58.300 --> 00:38:00.340
good food too, and different types of food,

624
00:38:00.340 --> 00:38:02.180
but do either of you cook food?

625
00:38:02.180 --> 00:38:03.180
That's the question.

626
00:38:05.420 --> 00:38:07.500
I can pour a really mean bowl of cereal,

627
00:38:08.900 --> 00:38:12.620
like no one's business, and not have it catch on fire.

628
00:38:12.620 --> 00:38:14.580
So that's like one of-

629
00:38:14.580 --> 00:38:17.100
Are you a man with a can and a plan?

630
00:38:18.020 --> 00:38:21.060
I do limited cooking because I meal prep.

631
00:38:21.060 --> 00:38:23.180
I eat kind of the same thing Monday through Friday

632
00:38:23.180 --> 00:38:25.860
for my like fitness goals and all that.

633
00:38:25.860 --> 00:38:27.620
So I'm pretty used to cooking,

634
00:38:27.620 --> 00:38:31.580
but I don't venture into like the baking territory.

635
00:38:31.580 --> 00:38:33.420
I don't go looking at new recipes.

636
00:38:33.420 --> 00:38:34.700
I just kind of learn something,

637
00:38:34.700 --> 00:38:38.020
and then I just kind of lock that in.

638
00:38:38.020 --> 00:38:40.260
And that makes it so that when I'm out having fun,

639
00:38:40.260 --> 00:38:42.060
if I go to restaurants, that's when I do something new.

640
00:38:42.060 --> 00:38:47.060
But for myself, it's more just what I need to maintain, so.

641
00:38:48.660 --> 00:38:49.500
Stephen, can you tell us?

642
00:38:49.660 --> 00:38:51.580
I am a baker over a cooker.

643
00:38:52.860 --> 00:38:54.140
I do a lot of baking.

644
00:38:54.140 --> 00:38:55.860
However, I do enjoy cooking.

645
00:38:55.860 --> 00:38:58.740
I just hate the aftermath, aka the dishes.

646
00:39:00.660 --> 00:39:03.260
That's the one thing, but no, I do enjoy cooking.

647
00:39:03.260 --> 00:39:04.740
It's just hard.

648
00:39:04.740 --> 00:39:05.580
I think just being single,

649
00:39:05.580 --> 00:39:06.980
I think a lot of us can relate to this,

650
00:39:06.980 --> 00:39:09.620
being single, living by yourself at home.

651
00:39:09.620 --> 00:39:13.060
It's hard to cook for one and make decent meals a lot,

652
00:39:13.060 --> 00:39:16.900
but I do enjoy cooking and enjoy cooking with others.

653
00:39:16.900 --> 00:39:19.940
So it's a fun activity to do both together.

654
00:39:22.220 --> 00:39:23.060
Yeah, you're right.

655
00:39:23.060 --> 00:39:24.140
Cooking together is super fun.

656
00:39:24.140 --> 00:39:26.620
So I can, because I know both of these men in person,

657
00:39:26.620 --> 00:39:28.820
I can tell you that both of them are taller than me,

658
00:39:28.820 --> 00:39:31.100
and I'm 5'10", okay?

659
00:39:31.100 --> 00:39:34.060
So they're, you know, they're taller than me.

660
00:39:34.060 --> 00:39:36.460
So for all you ladies that are like, are they tall?

661
00:39:36.460 --> 00:39:37.300
You know?

662
00:39:37.300 --> 00:39:39.340
No, I'm not, I'm not.

663
00:39:39.340 --> 00:39:40.700
Well, you're the same height as me.

664
00:39:40.700 --> 00:39:41.900
You're the same height as I am.

665
00:39:41.900 --> 00:39:43.260
You're not shorter than me.

666
00:39:43.260 --> 00:39:44.380
No, I'm shorter than you.

667
00:39:44.380 --> 00:39:45.220
I'm like 5'8".

668
00:39:45.220 --> 00:39:46.740
You're not, you're totally not.

669
00:39:47.580 --> 00:39:49.100
I'm 5'9 3 4ths.

670
00:39:49.100 --> 00:39:52.460
I am 5, I'm like 5'8 1 1.

671
00:39:52.460 --> 00:39:53.900
No.

672
00:39:53.900 --> 00:39:54.740
Yes.

673
00:39:54.740 --> 00:39:55.580
I don't think so.

674
00:39:55.580 --> 00:39:57.340
I don't think you are.

675
00:39:57.340 --> 00:39:58.180
I know my height.

676
00:39:58.180 --> 00:39:59.940
It's on so much paperwork for my job.

677
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.760
I'm going to, well, possibly I've shrank.

678
00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:04.760
I'm going to find a picture of us together from New York

679
00:40:04.760 --> 00:40:08.760
and I'm going to post it to prove

680
00:40:08.760 --> 00:40:11.000
that you're at least the same height as I am.

681
00:40:11.000 --> 00:40:15.320
So, and Steven is definitely, definitely taller than me.

682
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:18.760
I'd say you're like six feet tall, 6'1", 6'2".

683
00:40:18.760 --> 00:40:19.600
What do we got?

684
00:40:19.600 --> 00:40:20.440
I'm 5'11".

685
00:40:21.520 --> 00:40:22.560
You know, I'll tell the truth

686
00:40:22.560 --> 00:40:24.640
because I would lie and say I'm 6'1", if I was,

687
00:40:24.640 --> 00:40:25.920
but I am 5'11".

688
00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:27.520
But you guys have shoes on,

689
00:40:27.520 --> 00:40:29.720
so then it makes you feel taller, right?

690
00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:32.480
You've never been around me in your bare feet,

691
00:40:32.480 --> 00:40:34.480
either one of you, so that's fair.

692
00:40:34.480 --> 00:40:35.880
That's a fair assessment.

693
00:40:35.880 --> 00:40:39.360
Okay, and Josh really likes to,

694
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:42.160
both of these guys are actually really good dressers.

695
00:40:42.160 --> 00:40:44.360
They both know how to dress themselves.

696
00:40:44.360 --> 00:40:46.480
They're really well put together.

697
00:40:46.480 --> 00:40:48.800
In fact, Josh has a thing for, you know,

698
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:51.800
helping men dress well and present themselves well.

699
00:40:51.800 --> 00:40:54.720
That's a passion for him, which I appreciate.

700
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:55.920
And both of you guys,

701
00:40:55.920 --> 00:40:57.520
and you can push back if you want to,

702
00:40:57.520 --> 00:41:01.120
but I find both of you to be fairly in good shape.

703
00:41:01.120 --> 00:41:04.040
So would you describe yourselves as fit

704
00:41:04.040 --> 00:41:06.120
in people that care about fitness?

705
00:41:08.880 --> 00:41:13.120
Yeah, I've been trying to do the whole gym thing

706
00:41:13.120 --> 00:41:13.960
for a couple of years,

707
00:41:13.960 --> 00:41:18.120
and only actually since about April has it really clicked,

708
00:41:18.120 --> 00:41:19.640
and I've been on this great journey.

709
00:41:19.640 --> 00:41:23.040
And yeah, I'm getting the best shape of my life right now,

710
00:41:23.040 --> 00:41:23.880
and I love it.

711
00:41:23.880 --> 00:41:26.720
And I'm not gonna stop, God willing,

712
00:41:26.760 --> 00:41:29.880
because he's given me a lot of grace

713
00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:31.240
and determination to get it done.

714
00:41:31.240 --> 00:41:33.800
So I value that, and I do value that in a partner.

715
00:41:35.160 --> 00:41:37.200
We're not talking like extreme athleticism,

716
00:41:37.200 --> 00:41:39.480
but in order to be able to go out

717
00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:42.120
and have adventures and do things,

718
00:41:42.120 --> 00:41:45.480
you have to be mobile, have to have some endurance.

719
00:41:45.480 --> 00:41:48.000
And I want to be strong for my family,

720
00:41:48.000 --> 00:41:50.920
and I want to be able to play with my kids

721
00:41:50.920 --> 00:41:54.360
and grandchildren, God willing, and still be strong enough.

722
00:41:54.360 --> 00:41:56.680
So putting in the work now,

723
00:41:56.680 --> 00:41:58.680
so that's definitely a priority for me.

724
00:41:59.680 --> 00:42:00.520
That's good.

725
00:42:00.520 --> 00:42:01.760
Okay, what about you, Steven?

726
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:03.680
What do you think about the answer?

727
00:42:03.680 --> 00:42:07.840
I would say I am a shape.

728
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:08.680
It's no joke.

729
00:42:10.080 --> 00:42:12.480
I do try to get out and work out.

730
00:42:13.840 --> 00:42:16.720
I've only discovered that there is a 6 a.m.

731
00:42:16.720 --> 00:42:19.280
because around April, I started going to the gym

732
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:21.480
in the morning as opposed to in the evening.

733
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:24.560
I can be a morning person.

734
00:42:24.560 --> 00:42:25.960
I'm just, don't talk to me,

735
00:42:25.960 --> 00:42:27.280
like for the first five minutes,

736
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:30.240
just give me a moment and then we're good to go.

737
00:42:30.240 --> 00:42:32.560
But no, I enjoy going to the gym in the morning.

738
00:42:32.560 --> 00:42:34.320
Try to get there regularly for that

739
00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:36.040
and just try to be active.

740
00:42:36.040 --> 00:42:39.920
I'm a huge, just love to be outdoors around my house.

741
00:42:39.920 --> 00:42:41.320
I love mowing my yard.

742
00:42:41.320 --> 00:42:42.200
That is my biggest thing.

743
00:42:42.200 --> 00:42:46.400
So when I am stressed or dealing with stress,

744
00:42:46.400 --> 00:42:48.880
I will be out mowing my yard more than likely.

745
00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:50.440
So that's where you'll find me.

746
00:42:51.480 --> 00:42:52.600
Love that.

747
00:42:52.600 --> 00:42:57.600
Okay, so what do you ladies wanna know more about?

748
00:42:58.200 --> 00:42:59.840
Guys are being kind of quiet tonight.

749
00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:04.840
I think you guys are both like, wow, these guys are great.

750
00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:05.840
Okay, all right.

751
00:43:05.840 --> 00:43:08.360
So I found a picture of David and Josh.

752
00:43:08.360 --> 00:43:10.200
David has his tall shoes on.

753
00:43:10.200 --> 00:43:13.160
So he's at least 5'9 in this picture

754
00:43:13.160 --> 00:43:16.440
and they're the same height there.

755
00:43:16.440 --> 00:43:17.280
See them?

756
00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:19.640
That's David and Josh at a wedding.

757
00:43:19.680 --> 00:43:21.520
So you're at least 5'9, sir.

758
00:43:21.520 --> 00:43:23.400
Okay, all right, what else we got?

759
00:43:24.600 --> 00:43:26.200
Ladies, what else you guys have?

760
00:43:31.040 --> 00:43:32.320
All right, I'm gonna let these guys go

761
00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:33.280
and we're gonna start left seats

762
00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:35.360
if you don't have any other questions.

763
00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:37.680
Zachy, we've asked several times the age range

764
00:43:37.680 --> 00:43:40.000
they are looking for in their ideal mates.

765
00:43:41.560 --> 00:43:44.120
Well, I mean, they told you how old they are.

766
00:43:44.120 --> 00:43:45.440
And so you kind of, I mean,

767
00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:47.440
if you guys have anything different

768
00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:49.520
besides what I usually recommend,

769
00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:51.840
which is a couple of years each way,

770
00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:55.000
do you guys have any specified age range?

771
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:55.840
If you guys haven't noticed,

772
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:59.720
these guys are pretty open to what God has for them,

773
00:43:59.720 --> 00:44:04.680
but do you have a specified age range?

774
00:44:07.920 --> 00:44:09.640
Sure, I don't really.

775
00:44:11.040 --> 00:44:12.840
I would say traditionally I'd like to be,

776
00:44:12.840 --> 00:44:15.000
I think the older one in the relationship,

777
00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:18.640
but that's not a deal breaker at all by any means.

778
00:44:18.680 --> 00:44:20.840
So, but I'm looking for someone

779
00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:23.520
who can experience life with me,

780
00:44:23.520 --> 00:44:24.560
do a lot of the same things

781
00:44:24.560 --> 00:44:26.400
that we're looking at doing together.

782
00:44:27.240 --> 00:44:29.680
So I just, I would say more around my age,

783
00:44:29.680 --> 00:44:30.880
is what I'm looking for.

784
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:33.440
All right, and then Josh,

785
00:44:33.440 --> 00:44:35.560
do you have anything to say on that?

786
00:44:35.560 --> 00:44:37.320
Yeah, I know that you kind of have

787
00:44:37.320 --> 00:44:40.400
your kind of rule that you go by.

788
00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:44.240
I'm more of the, like,

789
00:44:44.240 --> 00:44:47.280
I'm looking at like the 30 to 40 range pretty much,

790
00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:50.080
30 to 41, so like my age down 10 years roughly.

791
00:44:52.200 --> 00:44:53.640
Much younger than that,

792
00:44:53.640 --> 00:44:56.160
I don't really have a lot in common with somebody.

793
00:44:57.520 --> 00:45:00.080
But yeah, I'm, as far as max age.

794
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.160
I'm kind of like maxed out with myself.

795
00:45:02.680 --> 00:45:06.840
Um, I really do want children and yeah, that's kind of part of it.

796
00:45:06.840 --> 00:45:08.320
And so, yeah.

797
00:45:09.640 --> 00:45:13.360
But if you fall madly in love with a 42 or 43 year old, then you're not gonna,

798
00:45:13.840 --> 00:45:17.360
you're not gonna, you're not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, so to speak.

799
00:45:17.400 --> 00:45:23.960
So this is, this is why these are bad questions, ladies, because men fall in

800
00:45:23.960 --> 00:45:25.680
love with who they fall in love with.

801
00:45:25.800 --> 00:45:26.320
Okay.

802
00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:28.520
And so it's important and women as well.

803
00:45:28.760 --> 00:45:32.000
So it's important for you to, um, know that I really liked this questions.

804
00:45:32.000 --> 00:45:33.720
No one's ever asked this question before.

805
00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:34.880
And so I'm going to ask it.

806
00:45:35.080 --> 00:45:36.760
When's the last time y'all cried?

807
00:45:39.320 --> 00:45:39.840
All right.

808
00:45:40.200 --> 00:45:42.360
I think I probably know Stevens, but go ahead.

809
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:43.760
Just the most recent time.

810
00:45:44.280 --> 00:45:45.360
Yeah, I'll give you that one.

811
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:48.880
Uh, definitely a few days ago when, when I was at the open

812
00:45:48.880 --> 00:45:50.080
heavens conference in Bethel.

813
00:45:50.840 --> 00:45:52.520
Um, great.

814
00:45:52.560 --> 00:45:53.160
Not gonna lie.

815
00:45:53.200 --> 00:45:53.520
Yeah.

816
00:45:53.560 --> 00:45:57.800
I was, had a great encounter in worship and there's some German

817
00:45:58.240 --> 00:46:00.840
across the little aisle for me that like handed me a tissue

818
00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:02.400
because it was like that obvious.

819
00:46:02.400 --> 00:46:04.200
So that was the last time.

820
00:46:05.120 --> 00:46:06.160
Yeah, that's awesome.

821
00:46:06.160 --> 00:46:07.120
That's a great place.

822
00:46:07.200 --> 00:46:09.240
That's a great place to release that.

823
00:46:09.640 --> 00:46:10.800
And then Steven, what about you?

824
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:12.800
Uh, two weeks ago.

825
00:46:12.880 --> 00:46:18.280
Um, I know that cause it was a, it's a very powerful, uh, just kind of weekend.

826
00:46:18.280 --> 00:46:21.200
I was, um, as Jackie had mentioned, both my parents have passed

827
00:46:21.200 --> 00:46:22.880
and my mom most recently.

828
00:46:22.880 --> 00:46:27.480
And so it just, I finally got to stop and breathe through the process.

829
00:46:27.560 --> 00:46:27.840
Sorry.

830
00:46:29.200 --> 00:46:31.160
And it's very emotional.

831
00:46:31.240 --> 00:46:36.560
Um, just to your parents at a young age, it's, um, it's just different.

832
00:46:36.560 --> 00:46:44.280
So it was tough, but that's really, um, yeah, but they're happy moments, happy

833
00:46:44.280 --> 00:46:48.000
memories, um, I've turned a corner and I think last week it was a really good

834
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:52.200
weekend for it, honestly, I needed it last weekend, that's good.

835
00:46:53.120 --> 00:46:56.680
And for all of you that have lost mom or dad, you guys know exactly what that's

836
00:46:56.680 --> 00:47:02.400
like and, um, and I can attest that, um, Bill and Jane Imes, which were

837
00:47:02.400 --> 00:47:07.000
Steven's parents are Steven's parents, um, and having phenomenal people.

838
00:47:07.640 --> 00:47:10.520
Top shelf salt of the earth people.

839
00:47:10.960 --> 00:47:14.960
So, um, I was friends with them before I was friends with Steven and it's a

840
00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:17.200
very, it's a hard loss for earth for sure.

841
00:47:17.640 --> 00:47:21.720
So lots of people understanding that grief, Steven, a lot of people have

842
00:47:21.720 --> 00:47:24.160
lost their parents young and it just.

843
00:47:25.080 --> 00:47:25.840
It's hard.

844
00:47:25.920 --> 00:47:26.360
Okay.

845
00:47:26.520 --> 00:47:30.360
So, um, ladies, do you have anything else?

846
00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:37.320
I hope if nothing else you see tonight that we have, uh, just incredible

847
00:47:37.320 --> 00:47:41.960
caliber of men, um, not just in spirit mate match, not just attached to this

848
00:47:41.960 --> 00:47:47.160
community, but like a lot of the lies that some of you are believing have to

849
00:47:47.160 --> 00:47:51.680
do with, there's no good men left that are not taken and guess what?

850
00:47:52.640 --> 00:47:55.400
I think that we proved tonight that that's not true.

851
00:47:55.960 --> 00:47:58.880
And there's a lot more where these two guys came from.

852
00:47:58.920 --> 00:48:03.480
And so please, uh, start to let your hope increase.

853
00:48:04.000 --> 00:48:08.640
So if you are interested in Joshua or Steven, and you feel like you fit now,

854
00:48:08.640 --> 00:48:12.600
you got to know them a little bit tonight, got to hear their heart, uh,

855
00:48:12.600 --> 00:48:15.640
get a feel for their personalities and where they are in life and

856
00:48:15.640 --> 00:48:17.080
where they want to go in life.

857
00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:23.640
And if you think honestly, that you are a match for them, then please email us

858
00:48:23.800 --> 00:48:28.760
at admin at Jackie doorman.com and put in the subject line, their name,

859
00:48:28.800 --> 00:48:32.520
Steven with a pH, um, or Joshua.

860
00:48:33.080 --> 00:48:33.520
Okay.

861
00:48:33.520 --> 00:48:34.920
And we'll take a look at that.

862
00:48:35.320 --> 00:48:38.080
Uh, please include, cause I don't know what all of you look like.

863
00:48:38.360 --> 00:48:42.880
Um, but I can look, if you don't have a spirit mate match profile filled out

864
00:48:42.880 --> 00:48:45.960
with a picture of yourself, then please include a picture.

865
00:48:46.960 --> 00:48:47.280
Okay.

866
00:48:47.280 --> 00:48:51.600
With a little bio of yourself in that email, but if you do have your spirit

867
00:48:51.600 --> 00:48:56.400
mate match filled out, then just include the email of which you registered for

868
00:48:56.400 --> 00:48:57.480
spirit mate match.

869
00:48:58.080 --> 00:48:58.640
Okay.

870
00:48:58.800 --> 00:49:05.600
In the body of that introduction request and also the name as it's listed on

871
00:49:05.600 --> 00:49:06.360
spirit mate match.

872
00:49:06.360 --> 00:49:09.320
So I can look you up myself and take a look.

873
00:49:09.560 --> 00:49:09.960
All right.

874
00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:11.280
And then that's all you have to do.

875
00:49:11.280 --> 00:49:13.280
We will contact y'all.

876
00:49:13.600 --> 00:49:16.040
Um, if we're making an introduction, sound good.

877
00:49:16.040 --> 00:49:18.880
And you guys are going to be a lot more of these fun, single spotlights,

878
00:49:18.880 --> 00:49:23.840
whether it's over social media lives or here on our zooms, um, in the coming

879
00:49:24.080 --> 00:49:26.480
days and weeks, cool.

880
00:49:26.840 --> 00:49:27.360
All right.

881
00:49:27.720 --> 00:49:28.280
Okay.

882
00:49:28.320 --> 00:49:30.280
Um, so guys, thank you so much.

883
00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:31.920
I want to, I appreciate both of you.

884
00:49:31.960 --> 00:49:33.560
Um, and.

885
00:49:34.280 --> 00:49:37.480
Of course, I hope that I get to introduce you to your spirit mate,

886
00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:39.000
cause that would be amazing if I did.

887
00:49:39.320 --> 00:49:43.360
Um, but if you've seen anyone gentlemen, uh, on these zoom windows, I know they

888
00:49:43.360 --> 00:49:46.880
go by really fast, uh, that you're interested in hearing more about, then

889
00:49:46.880 --> 00:49:48.520
you can also DM me with that.

890
00:49:48.960 --> 00:49:53.760
And other than that, um, I'm going to go ahead and stop the spotlights and

891
00:49:53.760 --> 00:49:58.560
we're going to go ahead and go on with our.

892
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:01.600
with our love seats.

893
00:50:01.600 --> 00:50:03.600
All right, so if you're ready to go in the love seat,

894
00:50:03.600 --> 00:50:05.920
if you want to be in the love seat,

895
00:50:05.920 --> 00:50:08.960
then let's talk about some dating

896
00:50:08.960 --> 00:50:11.960
and relationship questions, all right?

897
00:50:11.960 --> 00:50:13.720
All right, okay.

898
00:50:13.720 --> 00:50:15.800
Back to the Zoom gallery.

899
00:50:15.800 --> 00:50:18.640
Okay, so who has dating and relationship questions?

900
00:50:20.440 --> 00:50:22.240
Go ahead and put them in the chat.

901
00:50:22.240 --> 00:50:24.980
If you're volunteering for love seats,

902
00:50:24.980 --> 00:50:25.820
you wanna jump in.

903
00:50:25.820 --> 00:50:29.120
Remember, I don't want more than 120 seconds

904
00:50:29.160 --> 00:50:32.240
of background information before you ask your question,

905
00:50:33.480 --> 00:50:37.180
but let's go ahead and do some dating coaching.

906
00:50:38.920 --> 00:50:41.000
I had one question come in earlier, Jackie.

907
00:50:41.000 --> 00:50:42.240
Do you want me to tell you that one

908
00:50:42.240 --> 00:50:43.960
and have you start there?

909
00:50:43.960 --> 00:50:45.880
Yeah, and then we'll go ahead and grab Ursula.

910
00:50:45.880 --> 00:50:46.720
Go ahead.

911
00:50:46.720 --> 00:50:48.160
Yeah, Victoria Patterson asked,

912
00:50:48.160 --> 00:50:50.280
is it safe to continue dating a guy

913
00:50:50.280 --> 00:50:52.200
who struggles with pornography,

914
00:50:52.200 --> 00:50:55.540
saying he will change and is going to get out of it?

915
00:50:55.540 --> 00:50:57.640
And that's what she wrote.

916
00:50:57.640 --> 00:50:59.480
I need the definition of struggles.

917
00:51:00.360 --> 00:51:01.960
Yeah, I try to get more information.

918
00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:03.920
So Victoria, if you're here,

919
00:51:03.920 --> 00:51:07.120
if you can give us more information on that situation,

920
00:51:07.120 --> 00:51:08.680
that would be good.

921
00:51:08.680 --> 00:51:13.680
And y'all, Ruth, no, Ron, let's not post that

922
00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:16.280
because we don't have more information yet.

923
00:51:16.280 --> 00:51:18.960
So I will tell you guys,

924
00:51:18.960 --> 00:51:21.000
and I'm not saying anything about the gentlemen

925
00:51:21.000 --> 00:51:22.560
that were spotlighted here,

926
00:51:22.560 --> 00:51:24.800
but one of the questions that I asked

927
00:51:24.800 --> 00:51:28.200
during my discovery calls with men and women

928
00:51:28.200 --> 00:51:33.200
is what is your relationship past, present with pornography?

929
00:51:33.960 --> 00:51:35.800
And there are very few people

930
00:51:35.800 --> 00:51:40.800
that haven't at least recreationally dabbled in pornography.

931
00:51:42.340 --> 00:51:46.880
Very few, very few people that haven't seen it,

932
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:51.640
haven't sought it out for a temporary gratification.

933
00:51:51.640 --> 00:51:54.080
Maybe it was short-lived, but whatever.

934
00:51:54.080 --> 00:51:56.080
And so I really need you guys to know

935
00:51:56.080 --> 00:52:01.080
that that is a huge issue in our time and in our culture.

936
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:05.780
As far as I'm concerned, a weapon of mass destruction

937
00:52:05.780 --> 00:52:09.940
against relationship, against marriage, against humanity.

938
00:52:09.940 --> 00:52:14.480
And so we have to understand that, all right?

939
00:52:14.480 --> 00:52:18.360
So definitely want to understand that.

940
00:52:18.360 --> 00:52:20.960
Okay, how do I step into...

941
00:52:20.960 --> 00:52:22.560
Okay, so Tiffany,

942
00:52:22.600 --> 00:52:24.280
did someone want to get in the love seat?

943
00:52:24.280 --> 00:52:26.520
Nora, do you have your hands up to jump in the love seat?

944
00:52:26.520 --> 00:52:27.680
Yes or no?

945
00:52:27.680 --> 00:52:28.520
Yeah.

946
00:52:28.520 --> 00:52:29.840
Okay, let's go.

947
00:52:29.840 --> 00:52:31.180
Go ahead.

948
00:52:31.180 --> 00:52:32.020
Hi.

949
00:52:32.020 --> 00:52:33.520
So I'm on the...

950
00:52:33.520 --> 00:52:35.560
Hi, I'm on the apps

951
00:52:35.560 --> 00:52:38.140
and I'm like talking to a bunch of different guys

952
00:52:38.140 --> 00:52:40.660
and going through the getting to know you phase.

953
00:52:40.660 --> 00:52:44.000
But I've also noticed that I tend to get the most excited

954
00:52:44.000 --> 00:52:47.080
about and attracted to guys that I just meet in the wild,

955
00:52:47.080 --> 00:52:49.000
especially at work.

956
00:52:49.000 --> 00:52:50.720
I have kind of a pattern I've noticed

957
00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:54.400
of just developing crushes on people in the workplace

958
00:52:54.400 --> 00:52:56.340
just because I'm being myself.

959
00:52:56.340 --> 00:53:00.500
I don't feel like I'm trying to prove anything dating wise

960
00:53:00.500 --> 00:53:01.880
and then we just get to know each other.

961
00:53:01.880 --> 00:53:06.160
So I guess, and I'm wondering, is that unhealthy?

962
00:53:06.160 --> 00:53:08.280
Is that okay?

963
00:53:08.280 --> 00:53:11.080
I think I've just been kind of wanting to be open

964
00:53:11.080 --> 00:53:13.160
to who God has for me and thinking

965
00:53:13.160 --> 00:53:15.720
it's gonna be nothing like my pattern in the past.

966
00:53:15.720 --> 00:53:17.520
But could that ever be...

967
00:53:17.520 --> 00:53:19.420
Could that be a potential spirit mate?

968
00:53:20.420 --> 00:53:23.340
Yeah, and I think that it's fine to...

969
00:53:23.340 --> 00:53:26.220
What you're saying to me is that I'd like to get to know

970
00:53:26.220 --> 00:53:29.500
someone in real life before I feel attraction for them.

971
00:53:29.500 --> 00:53:33.620
So you're catching crushes because there's familiarity,

972
00:53:33.620 --> 00:53:37.760
because there's community, because it's lower stakes

973
00:53:37.760 --> 00:53:40.340
because we're just around each other casually.

974
00:53:40.340 --> 00:53:44.640
And then I start to have fun with you

975
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:46.780
and see your humor and your personality.

976
00:53:46.780 --> 00:53:48.540
And then I start to develop something

977
00:53:48.620 --> 00:53:52.580
other than, rather than being in a pressure cooker

978
00:53:52.580 --> 00:53:55.460
of a dating app, trying to decide if I like someone

979
00:53:55.460 --> 00:53:59.100
based on some blurb about their life in a picture.

980
00:53:59.100 --> 00:54:00.940
Yeah, yeah, definitely.

981
00:54:00.940 --> 00:54:03.780
And then it's also, you've used the term sapiosexual.

982
00:54:03.780 --> 00:54:06.540
There's that, you're working on something,

983
00:54:06.540 --> 00:54:09.860
it's a project, and obviously they have to be smart

984
00:54:09.860 --> 00:54:10.820
to be in that role.

985
00:54:10.820 --> 00:54:14.380
So there's certain things that just kind of lead to that.

986
00:54:14.380 --> 00:54:17.480
But it's like, is that okay to drop the hanky

987
00:54:17.480 --> 00:54:20.200
on someone at work or is that just like, okay,

988
00:54:20.200 --> 00:54:21.980
notice that that's the kind of thing I like

989
00:54:21.980 --> 00:54:24.920
and then look for that, like, you know,

990
00:54:24.920 --> 00:54:27.480
in someone who I absolutely already know is a Christian

991
00:54:27.480 --> 00:54:29.580
because I filtered for it on a dating app.

992
00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:33.440
Yeah, no, I think it's completely healthy.

993
00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:35.180
And I think community-based matchmaking

994
00:54:35.180 --> 00:54:36.800
is what we're trying to do here.

995
00:54:36.800 --> 00:54:39.920
And so I think that you're right on target with that.

996
00:54:39.920 --> 00:54:42.160
Nora, can you remind me of how old you are?

997
00:54:42.160 --> 00:54:43.760
35.

998
00:54:43.760 --> 00:54:45.200
35, okay.

999
00:54:45.200 --> 00:54:50.200
So Josh and Steven, Nora's an eligible bachelorette.

1000
00:54:55.000 --> 00:54:57.640
The reason why I'm saying that is because she lives out

1001
00:54:57.640 --> 00:54:59.240
in the Bay Area, but the reason why I'm saying that

1002
00:54:59.240 --> 00:55:00.080
is because I know-

1003
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.380
know both those guys and you have personality qualities that I think both of them would

1004
00:55:04.380 --> 00:55:05.380
be attracted to.

1005
00:55:05.380 --> 00:55:08.940
So just throwing that out there because we have a lot of other guys I noticed here tonight,

1006
00:55:08.940 --> 00:55:11.260
like Steven Burns is in the house.

1007
00:55:11.260 --> 00:55:16.180
So Steven, you know, make sure that, you know, you're posting in the chat, um, post where

1008
00:55:16.180 --> 00:55:20.140
you live, how old you are, you know, the three adjectives of what you're looking for in a

1009
00:55:20.140 --> 00:55:21.140
woman as well.

1010
00:55:21.140 --> 00:55:23.820
Um, I will have you on the next spotlight as well.

1011
00:55:23.820 --> 00:55:25.300
I didn't notice that you were here.

1012
00:55:25.300 --> 00:55:28.300
I'm just some new guys for the ladies that come all the time.

1013
00:55:28.300 --> 00:55:31.480
There's a lot of new guys that are here.

1014
00:55:31.480 --> 00:55:34.640
Of course, we have all of our regulars hunters here tonight.

1015
00:55:34.640 --> 00:55:39.040
And I saw a lot of other guys that, you know, are always here with us and we appreciate

1016
00:55:39.040 --> 00:55:42.720
our, our guys that are always here, but I see a lot of new faces.

1017
00:55:42.720 --> 00:55:47.400
I see John rock, John road, our road art is here tonight.

1018
00:55:47.400 --> 00:55:49.360
That's that's a new face for me.

1019
00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:54.560
Um, so I just want to make sure that you guys understand that Mike, of course, he's a regular,

1020
00:55:54.560 --> 00:55:57.260
he's a, he's a ride or die with this community.

1021
00:55:57.260 --> 00:55:58.800
He's here tonight.

1022
00:55:58.800 --> 00:56:02.680
So I just want to make sure that you guys are taking a look at who else is here and

1023
00:56:02.680 --> 00:56:09.640
you guys are, you know, talking in the chat, um, and, and all, and all of that.

1024
00:56:09.640 --> 00:56:10.640
Okay.

1025
00:56:10.640 --> 00:56:13.600
So Nora, yes, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

1026
00:56:13.600 --> 00:56:14.600
It's great.

1027
00:56:14.600 --> 00:56:15.600
It's wonderful.

1028
00:56:15.600 --> 00:56:19.120
And personally, in my opinion, it's the way things should be.

1029
00:56:19.120 --> 00:56:23.240
I think technology based dating is not natural.

1030
00:56:23.240 --> 00:56:27.800
I think, I think dating strangers is not natural.

1031
00:56:27.800 --> 00:56:31.800
And so that's why we're trying to bring back community-based matchmaking and even spirit

1032
00:56:31.800 --> 00:56:36.080
mate match, you know, based in community, community-based matchmaking I think is where

1033
00:56:36.080 --> 00:56:37.080
it's at.

1034
00:56:37.080 --> 00:56:38.080
Okay.

1035
00:56:38.080 --> 00:56:39.960
Um, so that's good.

1036
00:56:39.960 --> 00:56:41.920
I think that that says a lot about you.

1037
00:56:41.920 --> 00:56:47.720
It says that you're an old soul that likes things the way they used to be pretty much.

1038
00:56:47.720 --> 00:56:48.720
Yeah.

1039
00:56:48.720 --> 00:56:49.720
Yeah.

1040
00:56:49.720 --> 00:56:51.560
And there is, there's, there's nothing wrong with that.

1041
00:56:51.560 --> 00:56:52.560
Okay.

1042
00:56:52.880 --> 00:56:53.880
All right.

1043
00:56:53.880 --> 00:56:54.880
Who else wants to jump in the love seat?

1044
00:56:54.880 --> 00:56:55.880
I have Ursula.

1045
00:56:55.880 --> 00:56:56.880
Go ahead, Ursula.

1046
00:56:56.880 --> 00:56:57.880
Jump on in.

1047
00:56:57.880 --> 00:56:58.880
Oh, hi Jackie.

1048
00:56:58.880 --> 00:56:59.880
Hi.

1049
00:56:59.880 --> 00:57:00.880
Hi.

1050
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:01.880
There is more question.

1051
00:57:01.880 --> 00:57:08.040
Like, um, I don't use that dating app, but I would like to, but I have a small business

1052
00:57:08.040 --> 00:57:12.760
and I am building my admin team to manage this business.

1053
00:57:12.760 --> 00:57:16.200
And how can I, I am very shy.

1054
00:57:16.200 --> 00:57:19.000
I am very shy Peruvian, Peruvian woman.

1055
00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:21.120
So I am in New York city.

1056
00:57:21.200 --> 00:57:29.240
So, but if I started to use that, that dating app, how can I, because right now in my process,

1057
00:57:29.240 --> 00:57:34.160
in my process to building that team, I can no more from New York city, but how can I

1058
00:57:34.160 --> 00:57:42.680
start to ask if I dating, if I know people, how can I tell them, Oh, are you okay?

1059
00:57:42.680 --> 00:57:48.960
You relocated to New York city on the East area.

1060
00:57:49.120 --> 00:57:55.640
You're asking me, how do you bring up whether or not someone's willing to relocate to New

1061
00:57:55.640 --> 00:57:56.640
York city?

1062
00:57:56.640 --> 00:57:57.640
Yes.

1063
00:57:57.640 --> 00:58:02.920
Well, first of all, I think that if you're matching with people that are long distance,

1064
00:58:02.920 --> 00:58:06.520
they've set their algorithm to be open to long distance.

1065
00:58:06.520 --> 00:58:07.520
Okay.

1066
00:58:07.520 --> 00:58:12.160
Apps don't show you people that are long distance unless they have set those parameters.

1067
00:58:12.160 --> 00:58:14.480
Does that make sense?

1068
00:58:14.480 --> 00:58:21.720
So you already know that they have a, they they've set a wide net to meet someone, right?

1069
00:58:21.720 --> 00:58:24.680
So that's, that's the first thing that you should remember.

1070
00:58:24.680 --> 00:58:30.560
And the second thing is that there isn't anything too intrusive about saying to someone, Hey,

1071
00:58:30.560 --> 00:58:35.160
you know, this is, I'm in New York city and you're in, you know, wherever they are, Pennsylvania

1072
00:58:35.160 --> 00:58:42.080
or they're in Jersey or wherever, you know, are you, are you open to getting to know someone?

1073
00:58:42.080 --> 00:58:43.400
Don't even use the word dating.

1074
00:58:43.400 --> 00:58:46.360
Are you open to getting to know someone?

1075
00:58:46.360 --> 00:58:47.360
Long distance?

1076
00:58:47.360 --> 00:58:49.360
Are you open to that?

1077
00:58:49.360 --> 00:58:53.680
I mean, obviously once again, they set their dating app so that they would meet people

1078
00:58:53.680 --> 00:58:57.200
long distance, but it's going to be a sacrifice.

1079
00:58:57.200 --> 00:59:00.960
What I found out that in New York city, even Jersey's far away, right?

1080
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:02.720
You got to take a train.

1081
00:59:02.720 --> 00:59:04.360
It's going to take a long time.

1082
00:59:04.360 --> 00:59:05.360
Traffic's crazy.

1083
00:59:05.360 --> 00:59:06.360
You can't drive.

1084
00:59:06.360 --> 00:59:08.520
A lot of people don't drive.

1085
00:59:08.520 --> 00:59:14.280
And so because of that, it's important that you say, Hey, are you, are you willing to

1086
00:59:14.280 --> 00:59:19.920
put in the time to get to know someone long distance and just use that word, just use

1087
00:59:19.920 --> 00:59:22.960
that phrase, get to know someone long distance.

1088
00:59:22.960 --> 00:59:23.960
Okay, sure.

1089
00:59:23.960 --> 00:59:24.960
Thank you.

1090
00:59:24.960 --> 00:59:25.960
You're welcome.

1091
00:59:25.960 --> 00:59:26.960
Okay.

1092
00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:27.960
Okay.

1093
00:59:27.960 --> 00:59:38.000
Um, did we get more information on the porn question, Bethany?

1094
00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:39.880
Yes.

1095
00:59:39.880 --> 00:59:46.960
So she shared, uh, recently discovered the issue as I asked him when he accidentally,

1096
00:59:46.960 --> 00:59:51.760
well, supposedly accidentally sent a photo of a woman dressed in risque clothing.

1097
00:59:51.760 --> 00:59:55.360
When he was trying to send a picture of a scripture verse, he apologized for sending

1098
00:59:55.360 --> 00:59:57.920
the photo and said he didn't mean to send that.

1099
00:59:57.920 --> 01:00:00.040
So I asked him if he struggled with pornography.

1100
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.280
And he said yes, he is working on getting.

1101
01:00:04.280 --> 01:00:06.400
It sounds like she's trying to say

1102
01:00:06.400 --> 01:00:10.240
he's working on not doing it anymore.

1103
01:00:10.240 --> 01:00:12.040
I had asked her how long had he been

1104
01:00:12.040 --> 01:00:13.720
struggling with it, or maybe you did.

1105
01:00:13.720 --> 01:00:15.200
She said I don't know.

1106
01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:18.120
And that was all I have right now.

1107
01:00:18.120 --> 01:00:20.280
OK, and now is this a new acquaintance?

1108
01:00:20.280 --> 01:00:23.320
Is there is this someone that she's dating?

1109
01:00:23.320 --> 01:00:26.200
Uhm, I believe from roll call today.

1110
01:00:26.200 --> 01:00:28.520
Uhm, she's been dating him for awhile

1111
01:00:28.520 --> 01:00:30.880
and Victoria, maybe just let us know.

1112
01:00:30.880 --> 01:00:33.720
I believe you said you're in a level three.

1113
01:00:33.720 --> 01:00:35.760
But I don't know how long they've been

1114
01:00:35.760 --> 01:00:37.360
saying that you're in an exclusive

1115
01:00:37.360 --> 01:00:38.800
relationship with someone who you're

1116
01:00:38.800 --> 01:00:40.200
expecting a scripture verse from,

1117
01:00:40.200 --> 01:00:41.840
and instead got a half a picture

1118
01:00:41.840 --> 01:00:43.600
of a half naked woman.

1119
01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:45.080
Well, that's a rude awakening.

1120
01:00:45.080 --> 01:00:47.440
OK, so that sucks.

1121
01:00:47.440 --> 01:00:50.800
And at the same time.

1122
01:00:50.800 --> 01:00:52.960
You know your God defended and

1123
01:00:52.960 --> 01:00:54.400
so this has come out.

1124
01:00:54.400 --> 01:00:56.080
It's come out for a reason,

1125
01:00:56.080 --> 01:00:58.160
but if you are telling us that

1126
01:00:58.200 --> 01:01:00.520
you are an exclusive level three

1127
01:01:00.520 --> 01:01:02.440
relationship with this person,

1128
01:01:02.440 --> 01:01:04.960
then it deserves a bigger

1129
01:01:04.960 --> 01:01:07.920
face to face conversation.

1130
01:01:07.920 --> 01:01:10.120
OK, if you made the decision to be

1131
01:01:10.120 --> 01:01:11.800
an exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend

1132
01:01:11.800 --> 01:01:13.640
with this person who is now admitting

1133
01:01:13.640 --> 01:01:16.320
to you that they have an area

1134
01:01:16.320 --> 01:01:17.840
that they're struggling in,

1135
01:01:17.840 --> 01:01:19.080
there are trying to get help.

1136
01:01:19.080 --> 01:01:21.160
They're trying to, you know, whatever.

1137
01:01:21.160 --> 01:01:23.520
Then it at least deserves a

1138
01:01:23.520 --> 01:01:25.720
face to face conversation.

1139
01:01:25.720 --> 01:01:27.160
Ladies, gentlemen,

1140
01:01:27.200 --> 01:01:28.920
if this was an acquaintance,

1141
01:01:28.920 --> 01:01:30.480
if this was someone that you don't

1142
01:01:30.480 --> 01:01:33.000
know, haven't met in person,

1143
01:01:33.000 --> 01:01:34.800
someone that you're just

1144
01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:36.080
getting to know, maybe you've just

1145
01:01:36.080 --> 01:01:37.600
been on one or two dates with,

1146
01:01:37.600 --> 01:01:40.240
I would have different advice.

1147
01:01:40.240 --> 01:01:42.600
OK, my advice would be,

1148
01:01:42.600 --> 01:01:43.960
hey, you know, maybe this is

1149
01:01:43.960 --> 01:01:45.200
something you should take care of

1150
01:01:45.200 --> 01:01:46.920
before you are trying to get into

1151
01:01:46.920 --> 01:01:48.000
romantic relationship.

1152
01:01:48.000 --> 01:01:49.600
Maybe this is something you should

1153
01:01:49.600 --> 01:01:51.360
go work on and then,

1154
01:01:51.360 --> 01:01:52.560
you know, circle back around to the

1155
01:01:52.560 --> 01:01:54.080
dating apps.

1156
01:01:54.080 --> 01:01:55.480
OK, especially if they're telling you

1157
01:01:55.480 --> 01:01:57.560
that they have a chronic ongoing

1158
01:01:57.560 --> 01:02:00.960
problem that's not under control.

1159
01:02:00.960 --> 01:02:02.720
It's one thing to have a past

1160
01:02:02.720 --> 01:02:04.800
in any area, any addiction,

1161
01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:06.640
you have a past.

1162
01:02:06.640 --> 01:02:09.080
But now through self-control,

1163
01:02:09.080 --> 01:02:10.600
through boundaries, through

1164
01:02:10.600 --> 01:02:12.400
accountability, you have it under

1165
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:13.760
control. Do you guys see the

1166
01:02:13.760 --> 01:02:16.200
difference between those two things?

1167
01:02:16.200 --> 01:02:17.520
If you're going to judge people based

1168
01:02:17.520 --> 01:02:19.680
on something that they used to do,

1169
01:02:19.680 --> 01:02:21.520
then you're going to be hard

1170
01:02:21.520 --> 01:02:23.040
pressed to find someone who doesn't

1171
01:02:23.040 --> 01:02:24.840
have something in their past that

1172
01:02:24.840 --> 01:02:26.600
makes you uncomfortable.

1173
01:02:26.600 --> 01:02:27.960
As long as it's in their past,

1174
01:02:27.960 --> 01:02:29.920
though, they've overcome it.

1175
01:02:29.920 --> 01:02:31.000
They're an overcomer.

1176
01:02:31.000 --> 01:02:33.840
But if someone is currently

1177
01:02:33.840 --> 01:02:35.160
struggling with some type of

1178
01:02:35.160 --> 01:02:36.920
addiction, porn included,

1179
01:02:36.920 --> 01:02:38.600
then that means that they need to

1180
01:02:38.600 --> 01:02:39.600
focus on.

1181
01:02:40.760 --> 01:02:42.840
You know, on what they need to do

1182
01:02:42.840 --> 01:02:45.400
to get that in control before they

1183
01:02:45.400 --> 01:02:47.080
focus on relationship.

1184
01:02:47.080 --> 01:02:49.440
But if you are in

1185
01:02:49.440 --> 01:02:51.680
a level three exclusive relationship

1186
01:02:51.680 --> 01:02:53.880
with someone and you find

1187
01:02:53.920 --> 01:02:56.280
out something about them that is

1188
01:02:56.280 --> 01:02:58.720
disheartening, no matter what it is,

1189
01:02:58.720 --> 01:03:00.200
then it at least deserves a

1190
01:03:00.200 --> 01:03:02.160
face-to-face conversation.

1191
01:03:02.160 --> 01:03:03.920
OK, in that

1192
01:03:03.920 --> 01:03:05.720
face-to-face conversation, if

1193
01:03:05.720 --> 01:03:07.640
you do not like the answers

1194
01:03:07.640 --> 01:03:09.160
that they have to your questions

1195
01:03:09.160 --> 01:03:11.000
about when was the last time you

1196
01:03:11.000 --> 01:03:12.640
did this, how often do you do it,

1197
01:03:12.640 --> 01:03:13.840
what kind of accountability you're

1198
01:03:13.840 --> 01:03:15.160
looking into, you know, kind of

1199
01:03:15.160 --> 01:03:17.040
thing. If you're asking questions

1200
01:03:17.040 --> 01:03:18.480
and they either don't want to answer

1201
01:03:18.480 --> 01:03:20.360
or their answers are

1202
01:03:20.360 --> 01:03:22.360
not, you know,

1203
01:03:22.360 --> 01:03:24.040
hopeful as far as them really

1204
01:03:24.040 --> 01:03:25.720
getting this under control, then you

1205
01:03:25.720 --> 01:03:28.200
do have the right to

1206
01:03:28.200 --> 01:03:29.200
break up with them.

1207
01:03:30.520 --> 01:03:32.120
And let them know that this isn't

1208
01:03:32.120 --> 01:03:34.000
something that you can either

1209
01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:35.280
walk through them with or be

1210
01:03:35.280 --> 01:03:36.280
supportive of.

1211
01:03:37.080 --> 01:03:39.200
OK, but

1212
01:03:39.200 --> 01:03:41.280
once again, if you if you are this

1213
01:03:41.280 --> 01:03:42.760
man's girlfriend, then you

1214
01:03:42.760 --> 01:03:45.040
definitely you definitely

1215
01:03:45.040 --> 01:03:46.120
should have a face-to-face

1216
01:03:46.120 --> 01:03:48.080
conversation about what's happened

1217
01:03:48.080 --> 01:03:49.080
here.

1218
01:03:49.400 --> 01:03:50.400
Now.

1219
01:03:51.120 --> 01:03:53.040
If you weren't waiting for

1220
01:03:53.040 --> 01:03:54.320
a scripture, if you guys weren't

1221
01:03:54.320 --> 01:03:56.160
texting scriptures to each other and

1222
01:03:56.160 --> 01:03:57.680
then all of a sudden, you know, he's

1223
01:03:57.680 --> 01:03:59.480
texting with you and then boom, you

1224
01:03:59.480 --> 01:04:01.320
get a picture of a half naked woman

1225
01:04:02.520 --> 01:04:04.240
and then he says, oops, sorry.

1226
01:04:04.240 --> 01:04:06.360
Sometimes that can be a bait.

1227
01:04:06.360 --> 01:04:07.280
Right.

1228
01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:08.720
What does that mean? That means

1229
01:04:08.720 --> 01:04:10.680
someone accidentally sends you

1230
01:04:10.680 --> 01:04:12.400
something to see what your reaction

1231
01:04:12.400 --> 01:04:13.400
to it will be.

1232
01:04:15.560 --> 01:04:17.360
Right. To see whether or not

1233
01:04:17.400 --> 01:04:19.400
right. To see whether or not

1234
01:04:19.400 --> 01:04:20.760
your reaction is going to be

1235
01:04:20.760 --> 01:04:23.080
favorable or not favorable,

1236
01:04:23.080 --> 01:04:25.080
to see whether or not, you know,

1237
01:04:25.080 --> 01:04:27.000
you're cool with it or not

1238
01:04:27.000 --> 01:04:29.040
cool with it or even open

1239
01:04:29.040 --> 01:04:31.200
possibly to some sort of,

1240
01:04:31.200 --> 01:04:33.920
you know, exchange

1241
01:04:33.920 --> 01:04:35.960
that is sexually charged with

1242
01:04:35.960 --> 01:04:37.280
them in that moment.

1243
01:04:37.280 --> 01:04:39.200
Now that that door has been opened,

1244
01:04:39.200 --> 01:04:40.680
it doesn't sound like that happened

1245
01:04:40.680 --> 01:04:42.720
here. It sound sounds more

1246
01:04:42.720 --> 01:04:45.560
like you were God defended with

1247
01:04:45.560 --> 01:04:47.040
you're supposed to get a scripture

1248
01:04:47.040 --> 01:04:49.080
and instead you get a risque

1249
01:04:49.080 --> 01:04:50.800
picture. And when you say a risque

1250
01:04:50.800 --> 01:04:52.360
picture, I can only imagine in my

1251
01:04:52.360 --> 01:04:54.120
own mind what it is.

1252
01:04:54.120 --> 01:04:55.600
To me, risque is.

1253
01:04:57.920 --> 01:04:59.680
Probably not the same definition as

1254
01:04:59.680 --> 01:05:00.680
some of.

1255
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:03.880
you would have, depending on, you know, what kind of background you come from.

1256
01:05:04.760 --> 01:05:09.060
Some of you risk, a would be just someone, you know, in hot pants or

1257
01:05:09.060 --> 01:05:12.080
someone in short shorts or something like that, you know, for me,

1258
01:05:12.080 --> 01:05:14.280
risk is quite a bit more than that.

1259
01:05:14.660 --> 01:05:18.240
And so when you say that, it's hard for me to know exactly what you're talking

1260
01:05:18.240 --> 01:05:23.600
about, but once again, he's admitted that he has some kind of problem and you need

1261
01:05:23.600 --> 01:05:28.760
to have a full conversation about at what level that's at, and then you need to make

1262
01:05:28.760 --> 01:05:34.740
a, you know, a wise decision about, um, ending the relationship if that's what

1263
01:05:34.740 --> 01:05:35.480
needs to happen.

1264
01:05:35.700 --> 01:05:36.200
Okay.

1265
01:05:58.760 --> 01:06:18.580
You have a couple of people with their hands raised out and if you saw them or

1266
01:06:18.580 --> 01:06:24.940
not, you have Jennifer cook, Julie K and Rhonda Mayberry.

1267
01:06:26.220 --> 01:06:26.720
Okay.

1268
01:06:27.080 --> 01:06:29.900
So whoever's first Rhonda,

1269
01:06:35.980 --> 01:06:37.560
you're muted Rhonda.

1270
01:06:40.840 --> 01:06:41.340
There we go.

1271
01:06:41.660 --> 01:06:42.340
Okay. Sorry.

1272
01:06:43.020 --> 01:06:43.860
Um, okay.

1273
01:06:43.860 --> 01:06:53.820
So I just had, um, an online situation where, um, the guy like was really, really

1274
01:06:53.820 --> 01:06:56.520
pressuring me to give me, to give him my phone number.

1275
01:06:56.980 --> 01:07:00.540
And I was not, I just felt like something like a catch.

1276
01:07:00.620 --> 01:07:03.020
And I was like, um, I'm just not ready for that.

1277
01:07:03.860 --> 01:07:10.220
And then he really got aggressive after that and was like, Oh, I'm so sorry.

1278
01:07:10.220 --> 01:07:11.440
I didn't mean to do that.

1279
01:07:11.440 --> 01:07:12.500
Like passive aggressive.

1280
01:07:12.500 --> 01:07:16.260
And then was like, if you really want to know about me, um, I was raped when I was

1281
01:07:16.260 --> 01:07:19.820
13 and then he like went into this whole big thing.

1282
01:07:19.820 --> 01:07:25.820
And I was like, maybe you need to talk to somebody like how I didn't know really

1283
01:07:25.840 --> 01:07:27.440
how to, how to respond to that.

1284
01:07:27.440 --> 01:07:31.400
And I didn't know if, not that this is going to happen ever again, but how would,

1285
01:07:31.440 --> 01:07:34.520
how would we move forward in something like that?

1286
01:07:34.560 --> 01:07:35.920
Like when something like that happens,

1287
01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:38.680
is this in person or online?

1288
01:07:38.680 --> 01:07:39.720
Where are you at during this?

1289
01:07:40.040 --> 01:07:41.360
It was online on an app.

1290
01:07:42.200 --> 01:07:42.700
Okay.

1291
01:07:42.860 --> 01:07:43.840
So, yeah.

1292
01:07:44.120 --> 01:07:49.800
Um, so obviously you got, you're not someone's counselor ladies.

1293
01:07:49.800 --> 01:07:55.360
If you know, someone overshare something super personal and traumatic

1294
01:07:55.360 --> 01:07:58.860
like that, um, you know, I don't want you to feel like you have to go into

1295
01:07:58.860 --> 01:07:59.740
fixed mode.

1296
01:07:59.780 --> 01:08:04.220
I don't want you to feel like you have to, uh, you know, now befriend this

1297
01:08:04.220 --> 01:08:06.380
person or give them your phone number.

1298
01:08:06.380 --> 01:08:09.940
Cause you feel bad for them, you know, and you know, no.

1299
01:08:12.180 --> 01:08:13.900
This person's obviously not healthy.

1300
01:08:14.340 --> 01:08:17.140
And if what they're saying is true about themselves and you can see why

1301
01:08:17.140 --> 01:08:19.500
they're not healthy because they've had this massive trauma.

1302
01:08:19.859 --> 01:08:23.220
But once again, you know, you're not someone's counselor, you're not someone's

1303
01:08:24.160 --> 01:08:27.680
And, you know, you can point them to, Hey, you know, better help.com.

1304
01:08:27.680 --> 01:08:29.479
There's coaching and counseling there.

1305
01:08:29.760 --> 01:08:33.040
You know, I really wish you well, I'm really sorry that happened to you.

1306
01:08:33.359 --> 01:08:36.439
Um, and you know, I don't feel comfortable giving you my phone number.

1307
01:08:36.439 --> 01:08:38.680
I don't really think that we're a match and you guys, you can't

1308
01:08:38.680 --> 01:08:40.520
worry about what happens next.

1309
01:08:42.040 --> 01:08:42.319
Okay.

1310
01:08:42.319 --> 01:08:46.279
We're not giving out pity dates and gentlemen that goes for you as well.

1311
01:08:47.160 --> 01:08:51.520
You know, believe it or not, this is how some really destructive and

1312
01:08:51.660 --> 01:08:57.740
abusive relationships start where you meet someone and then they share

1313
01:08:57.740 --> 01:09:00.979
something completely inappropriate with you as a complete stranger.

1314
01:09:00.979 --> 01:09:02.260
It's something traumatic.

1315
01:09:02.660 --> 01:09:06.500
And then they invite you into a trauma bond with them.

1316
01:09:06.979 --> 01:09:08.460
And so now you feel bad for them.

1317
01:09:08.460 --> 01:09:09.880
Now you're trying to save them.

1318
01:09:09.880 --> 01:09:12.380
Now you don't want to cut them off because you don't want to be the next

1319
01:09:12.380 --> 01:09:13.979
person that's hurt them in their lives.

1320
01:09:14.340 --> 01:09:16.100
And you're like, Oh, well, I would never do that.

1321
01:09:16.100 --> 01:09:18.260
Well, there are personalities that would do that.

1322
01:09:18.580 --> 01:09:19.180
And guess what?

1323
01:09:19.180 --> 01:09:21.260
They are looking for those personalities.

1324
01:09:21.660 --> 01:09:25.120
They're looking for the personality of the person that cannot not feed

1325
01:09:25.120 --> 01:09:27.060
the stray cat that comes on the porch.

1326
01:09:28.340 --> 01:09:32.300
Get overly attached to, you know, the poor little chipmunk that

1327
01:09:32.300 --> 01:09:33.939
almost drowned in your birdbath.

1328
01:09:33.939 --> 01:09:37.500
And so now you have a chipmunk living in your house, you know, for those of

1329
01:09:37.500 --> 01:09:42.460
you that have that personality where you just have to save every hurting

1330
01:09:42.460 --> 01:09:44.180
thing that comes across your path.

1331
01:09:44.340 --> 01:09:45.700
You're going to get yourself in trouble.

1332
01:09:47.020 --> 01:09:49.540
You are because guess what?

1333
01:09:49.620 --> 01:09:50.899
Hurting people, hurt people.

1334
01:09:51.660 --> 01:09:56.060
And if you're a collector of hurting people without boundaries, then the

1335
01:09:56.060 --> 01:09:59.380
chances of you getting abused are exponentially increasing.

1336
01:10:00.800 --> 01:10:04.060
So bless them and block them and send them on their way.

1337
01:10:05.160 --> 01:10:06.400
You don't gotta save them.

1338
01:10:06.400 --> 01:10:08.240
You're not their savior.

1339
01:10:08.240 --> 01:10:09.160
Cool?

1340
01:10:09.160 --> 01:10:10.500
Rhonda, I gave you full permission.

1341
01:10:10.500 --> 01:10:12.100
You don't gotta give out your phone number.

1342
01:10:12.100 --> 01:10:13.440
If you have a check in your spirit,

1343
01:10:13.440 --> 01:10:14.840
you don't have peace about it.

1344
01:10:14.840 --> 01:10:16.500
You don't give out your contact

1345
01:10:16.500 --> 01:10:18.520
and you don't have to continue in a conversation

1346
01:10:18.520 --> 01:10:20.000
that makes you feel uncomfortable,

1347
01:10:20.000 --> 01:10:22.280
even if someone is sharing something vulnerable

1348
01:10:22.280 --> 01:10:24.800
or traumatic that happened to them.

1349
01:10:24.800 --> 01:10:26.320
Cool?

1350
01:10:26.320 --> 01:10:27.160
Yeah, thank you.

1351
01:10:27.160 --> 01:10:29.240
I just, it was so aggressive.

1352
01:10:29.240 --> 01:10:31.360
And then like, I felt bad,

1353
01:10:31.360 --> 01:10:33.280
but I didn't really know how to like,

1354
01:10:33.280 --> 01:10:35.200
I didn't know of betterhelp.com.

1355
01:10:35.200 --> 01:10:38.240
I didn't know of like anything that I could like give to him

1356
01:10:38.240 --> 01:10:40.800
and I was like, maybe you need to talk to a counselor.

1357
01:10:40.800 --> 01:10:43.040
Like I didn't even know how to like respond to it.

1358
01:10:43.040 --> 01:10:46.400
And I just felt like really, oh, I don't know.

1359
01:10:48.440 --> 01:10:51.160
Yeah, well, that's how you respond.

1360
01:10:51.160 --> 01:10:52.680
Thank you.

1361
01:10:52.680 --> 01:10:55.240
And you guys, that's a good place to send people.

1362
01:10:55.240 --> 01:10:57.960
And then not just end the conversation on a dating app,

1363
01:10:57.960 --> 01:11:00.480
but then unmatched with them, okay?

1364
01:11:00.480 --> 01:11:02.320
Betterhelp.com, bye.

1365
01:11:03.800 --> 01:11:05.720
Because people can find any type of therapist

1366
01:11:05.720 --> 01:11:07.000
they want at betterhelp.com,

1367
01:11:07.000 --> 01:11:09.680
including Christian therapists, non-Christian therapists,

1368
01:11:09.680 --> 01:11:10.800
all the things.

1369
01:11:10.800 --> 01:11:12.440
Okay, so thank you, Rhonda, for your question.

1370
01:11:12.440 --> 01:11:14.800
It's a very important question for the whole community.

1371
01:11:14.800 --> 01:11:19.400
Guys, bleeding hearts get traumatized.

1372
01:11:19.400 --> 01:11:20.840
So don't be a bleeding heart.

1373
01:11:22.160 --> 01:11:23.000
Do not.

1374
01:11:23.920 --> 01:11:25.560
Do not be a bleeding heart.

1375
01:11:26.560 --> 01:11:27.720
Okay, Julie, you're up.

1376
01:11:32.280 --> 01:11:33.840
Hi, Jackie.

1377
01:11:33.840 --> 01:11:34.680
Hi.

1378
01:11:34.680 --> 01:11:35.840
Hi.

1379
01:11:35.840 --> 01:11:38.320
Yeah, so I'm just wondering, I'm good.

1380
01:11:38.320 --> 01:11:39.160
Thanks.

1381
01:11:39.160 --> 01:11:40.040
I'm just wondering about,

1382
01:11:40.040 --> 01:11:43.840
I've been on dates for since the end of May with this guy,

1383
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:45.480
probably about 14 dates.

1384
01:11:45.480 --> 01:11:50.480
And I just don't know if things are going anywhere.

1385
01:11:51.680 --> 01:11:53.160
It's just seems to kind of-

1386
01:11:53.160 --> 01:11:54.280
Well, let me ask you a question.

1387
01:11:54.600 --> 01:11:58.480
How did you make it 14 dates in

1388
01:11:58.480 --> 01:12:03.160
and you don't know what's going on in the situation?

1389
01:12:03.160 --> 01:12:04.080
How'd that happen?

1390
01:12:05.320 --> 01:12:06.600
I don't know.

1391
01:12:06.600 --> 01:12:10.960
I like him and I just kept going on dates.

1392
01:12:10.960 --> 01:12:12.560
I like to be around him.

1393
01:12:14.400 --> 01:12:16.880
But wait, he's asking you on these dates, right?

1394
01:12:16.880 --> 01:12:18.360
Yes.

1395
01:12:18.360 --> 01:12:20.480
Okay, and when was the last one?

1396
01:12:21.800 --> 01:12:23.200
Saturday.

1397
01:12:23.200 --> 01:12:25.240
Okay, and when's the next one scheduled?

1398
01:12:26.600 --> 01:12:30.200
He just asked me for this Saturday again.

1399
01:12:30.200 --> 01:12:34.320
Okay, so is it possible that he thinks that he's dating you?

1400
01:12:35.240 --> 01:12:36.840
Oh yeah, for sure.

1401
01:12:36.840 --> 01:12:38.400
Okay.

1402
01:12:38.400 --> 01:12:39.840
Okay, so he thinks he's dating you.

1403
01:12:39.840 --> 01:12:41.880
Ladies, this is really important for you guys to know.

1404
01:12:41.880 --> 01:12:42.880
A lot of times women,

1405
01:12:42.880 --> 01:12:46.360
especially are waiting for like a definition of relationship.

1406
01:12:46.360 --> 01:12:49.320
In fact, we joke about it in the Christian circles

1407
01:12:49.320 --> 01:12:52.280
of the DTR, the define the relationship moment,

1408
01:12:52.280 --> 01:12:54.360
where someone officially asks you to be their girlfriend,

1409
01:12:54.360 --> 01:12:56.760
go steady, gives you their letter jacket.

1410
01:12:58.520 --> 01:13:00.960
That's not the way a lot of men roll nowadays.

1411
01:13:00.960 --> 01:13:04.760
They continue to ask you out and it's kind of an unspoken,

1412
01:13:04.760 --> 01:13:08.240
doesn't even occur to them that you don't know

1413
01:13:08.240 --> 01:13:09.440
that you're dating them.

1414
01:13:10.680 --> 01:13:12.440
That you don't know that they're interested

1415
01:13:12.440 --> 01:13:13.320
and that you're dating them.

1416
01:13:13.320 --> 01:13:15.320
I can't tell you how many success stories

1417
01:13:15.320 --> 01:13:16.720
we've had in this community

1418
01:13:16.720 --> 01:13:18.400
where the woman has come on love seats

1419
01:13:18.400 --> 01:13:19.240
and she's been like,

1420
01:13:19.440 --> 01:13:24.080
I don't know if he wants to be my boyfriend

1421
01:13:24.080 --> 01:13:28.240
or I don't know, but they're continuously dating.

1422
01:13:28.240 --> 01:13:29.080
And so we've been like,

1423
01:13:29.080 --> 01:13:32.200
hey, it sounds like he thinks that you're his girlfriend.

1424
01:13:33.320 --> 01:13:36.960
And so it would be okay for you, Julie,

1425
01:13:36.960 --> 01:13:41.760
14 dates in, 15, the 15th date already being scheduled

1426
01:13:41.760 --> 01:13:44.000
for you to say, hey, Joe,

1427
01:13:46.200 --> 01:13:48.240
I'm really enjoying getting to know you.

1428
01:13:48.280 --> 01:13:51.120
And it seems like we're dating.

1429
01:13:51.120 --> 01:13:54.360
Is that what you think too?

1430
01:13:55.800 --> 01:13:58.760
Yeah, so like a couple of dates ago,

1431
01:13:58.760 --> 01:14:01.240
I did have that conversation.

1432
01:14:01.240 --> 01:14:04.800
I said, can we talk about our relationship

1433
01:14:04.800 --> 01:14:05.960
and if we're exclusive?

1434
01:14:05.960 --> 01:14:08.880
And he said, he's like, yeah, sure.

1435
01:14:10.400 --> 01:14:14.320
He kind of was like, well, what are you wanting?

1436
01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:15.520
And he was really excited.

1437
01:14:15.520 --> 01:14:16.920
I think he thought I was gonna be like,

1438
01:14:16.920 --> 01:14:19.680
hey, do you wanna like make it exclusive?

1439
01:14:19.680 --> 01:14:23.040
And I was like, well, I like when the man leads

1440
01:14:23.040 --> 01:14:24.720
and I kind of was just like,

1441
01:14:26.680 --> 01:14:28.320
I was like, I'm not really talking to anyone.

1442
01:14:28.320 --> 01:14:31.240
And he's like, I'm not really talking to anyone seriously,

1443
01:14:32.200 --> 01:14:34.760
which I think he is chatting with people,

1444
01:14:34.760 --> 01:14:36.160
but I think he's honest.

1445
01:14:36.160 --> 01:14:37.800
It's not like serious or anything.

1446
01:14:37.800 --> 01:14:40.840
And I'm not really talking to anyone.

1447
01:14:40.840 --> 01:14:42.760
And so we left it at that.

1448
01:14:42.760 --> 01:14:45.080
And I felt bad after that.

1449
01:14:45.120 --> 01:14:47.000
This was a few weeks ago because I'm like,

1450
01:14:47.000 --> 01:14:48.880
am I really not allowed to talk to anyone?

1451
01:14:48.880 --> 01:14:50.480
Because I gave him that impression.

1452
01:14:50.480 --> 01:14:54.400
And then, so then the following week,

1453
01:14:54.400 --> 01:14:57.920
a couple weeks ago, I said, I want some clarity on this.

1454
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:04.280
said is, like, can we talk about this? Is it exclusive? And he's

1455
01:15:04.280 --> 01:15:06.680
like, he's like, well, he said, Well, would it make you feel

1456
01:15:06.680 --> 01:15:10.960
better if it was exclusive? And just the phrasing of that I was

1457
01:15:10.960 --> 01:15:13.680
just like, actually, no, I'm like, I'm not sure enough about

1458
01:15:13.680 --> 01:15:17.720
things to have to define it as exclusive. I'm like, I'd like to

1459
01:15:17.720 --> 01:15:21.040
just keep it open. And I'm like, Are you willing to do you want

1460
01:15:21.040 --> 01:15:28.780
to keep seeing me? He said, Yeah. And he's even like, like,

1461
01:15:28.780 --> 01:15:32.180
we've even talked about, like the future, like moving in, he,

1462
01:15:32.300 --> 01:15:35.940
he has, like, property that he bought, he's building a house.

1463
01:15:35.980 --> 01:15:39.020
And but he does live with his parents. And he just told me

1464
01:15:39.020 --> 01:15:42.780
that his parents are overbearing, which I need more

1465
01:15:42.780 --> 01:15:47.180
clarity on that. But like, so we've talked about that, because

1466
01:15:47.180 --> 01:15:52.380
he's not, he's not willing to move, he's got his whole life

1467
01:15:52.380 --> 01:15:56.660
set. So he's looking for someone to move into his life, which is

1468
01:15:56.660 --> 01:16:01.620
a little bit. I don't know, like, I feel a certain way about

1469
01:16:01.620 --> 01:16:05.020
that. Because I've, I know, you have to compromise in marriage,

1470
01:16:05.020 --> 01:16:11.500
but like, I just feel like he I'd, I'd be moving more for him

1471
01:16:11.500 --> 01:16:13.500
than he would move for me. You know,

1472
01:16:13.980 --> 01:16:16.420
what are you saying? Are you saying this is a long distance

1473
01:16:16.420 --> 01:16:17.220
relationship?

1474
01:16:18.260 --> 01:16:21.020
Um, it's he lives an hour and 20 minutes away.

1475
01:16:21.580 --> 01:16:24.900
Okay. And he lives with his parents because he's building a

1476
01:16:24.900 --> 01:16:29.060
house. Mm hmm. Okay. Right. And how old is he?

1477
01:16:29.460 --> 01:16:34.940
He's 43. He's about to be 44. And I'm, I'm going to be 40.

1478
01:16:35.660 --> 01:16:37.580
Okay, and he is divorced.

1479
01:16:38.340 --> 01:16:42.860
No, no, never. He's only had one girlfriend his entire life.

1480
01:16:43.780 --> 01:16:47.580
Okay, so alright, so important, important information, you guys

1481
01:16:47.580 --> 01:16:52.020
that we're learning here about him. He's not very experienced

1482
01:16:52.980 --> 01:16:57.500
in in this. He's only had one girlfriend, who knows how long

1483
01:16:57.500 --> 01:17:02.380
that lasted for, but he only had has had one girlfriend. So not

1484
01:17:02.380 --> 01:17:09.500
not not a man about town. Okay, just one. Okay. And he is

1485
01:17:09.540 --> 01:17:13.700
living with his parents while he builds a house. Now I'm sure

1486
01:17:13.700 --> 01:17:16.980
that as a 43 year old man or woman, if you had to move back

1487
01:17:16.980 --> 01:17:21.260
in with your parents, while you're building a house, they

1488
01:17:21.260 --> 01:17:25.460
would seem overbearing. Because when we're 43, we're used to

1489
01:17:25.460 --> 01:17:27.980
being on our own, we're not used to living with our parents. And

1490
01:17:27.980 --> 01:17:30.620
so, you know, our parents have their own lives, they have their

1491
01:17:30.620 --> 01:17:33.140
own rules. I mean, if he's 43, that means his parents are

1492
01:17:33.140 --> 01:17:37.860
probably in their 60s, at least. And, of course, they have their

1493
01:17:37.860 --> 01:17:39.780
own lives and their own rules and their own ways of doing

1494
01:17:39.780 --> 01:17:43.460
things. And so for him, you know, a man that's 43 years old

1495
01:17:43.460 --> 01:17:45.340
is having to live with his parents, I'm sure that that

1496
01:17:45.340 --> 01:17:49.420
would seem very overbearing, no matter what. Okay. If I had to

1497
01:17:49.420 --> 01:17:53.220
move back in with my parents, I definitely would feel some kind

1498
01:17:53.220 --> 01:17:57.700
of way about that. Okay, he's only that. That all being said,

1499
01:17:57.700 --> 01:18:00.700
I want to know what your question is. Because you just

1500
01:18:00.700 --> 01:18:04.940
said that you told this man before your 15th date that you

1501
01:18:04.940 --> 01:18:08.380
don't want to be exclusive. So what's your question? You just

1502
01:18:08.380 --> 01:18:10.700
told him you don't want to be exclusive. Are you kissing this

1503
01:18:10.700 --> 01:18:13.580
guy? You hold their hands? Are you romantic? No, that's the

1504
01:18:13.580 --> 01:18:16.940
thing. Like, I don't I don't feel I don't feel the love from

1505
01:18:16.940 --> 01:18:23.500
him. He, like, we had a very small kiss the last date for the

1506
01:18:23.500 --> 01:18:32.860
first time. We held hands very briefly to very recently. So and

1507
01:18:32.860 --> 01:18:36.900
I actually like, just tonight, I did notice on our phone call,

1508
01:18:36.900 --> 01:18:39.580
he was a lot more complimentary towards me. And I think it has

1509
01:18:39.580 --> 01:18:42.380
to do with me meeting his family, and they liked me. But

1510
01:18:42.780 --> 01:18:44.340
how many boyfriends have you had?

1511
01:18:46.700 --> 01:18:48.820
Serious ones, probably about three.

1512
01:18:49.980 --> 01:18:53.140
Serious, like define serious. How long did you date those guys

1513
01:18:53.140 --> 01:18:59.340
for? Like over a year. Okay, three boyfriends that you had

1514
01:18:59.340 --> 01:19:03.980
for over a year. Did never made it to marrying any of them. You

1515
01:19:03.980 --> 01:19:07.980
never been married. Is that right? That's right. Okay. All

1516
01:19:07.980 --> 01:19:12.100
right. So both of you seem to have a watermark that you can't

1517
01:19:12.100 --> 01:19:16.860
get past. Right? And there's probably good reasons for that.

1518
01:19:17.220 --> 01:19:19.740
Probably reasons that you talk yourself out of things, because

1519
01:19:19.740 --> 01:19:23.500
everyone needs to hear this, you know, relationship. If it

1520
01:19:23.500 --> 01:19:27.220
doesn't take off, you know, zero to 60 miles an hour or zero to

1521
01:19:27.220 --> 01:19:29.940
100 miles an hour at the beginning, it does not mean that

1522
01:19:29.940 --> 01:19:33.380
it's not going somewhere. It just means that you got to be

1523
01:19:33.380 --> 01:19:36.980
patient as people get comfortable. There's fear of

1524
01:19:36.980 --> 01:19:40.020
rejection involved in relationships, especially when we

1525
01:19:40.020 --> 01:19:45.100
get to the ages of 40 and 43, never been married, and not a

1526
01:19:45.100 --> 01:19:49.980
whole lot of relationship equity in your past, especially in his

1527
01:19:49.980 --> 01:19:56.820
past. Okay. And so if this guy has attributes that you find

1528
01:19:56.820 --> 01:19:59.980
attractive, and you're enjoying getting to know him, get

1529
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.480
him time to warm up. It sounds like he's more of a confection oven and less of a microwave.

1530
01:20:06.480 --> 01:20:13.200
It also sounds like he really likes you. And which is evident by him asking you out 15 times.

1531
01:20:14.080 --> 01:20:18.720
Okay. And so if there's anything that you're enjoying about getting to know him,

1532
01:20:18.720 --> 01:20:24.240
I would continue to get to know him, continue to give him encouragement. Cause it sounds like he

1533
01:20:24.240 --> 01:20:29.040
needs some, it sounds like he might be dealing with some fear of rejection and see what happens.

1534
01:20:30.560 --> 01:20:34.160
Okay. It doesn't mean you need to be exclusive. It doesn't mean you need to stop talking to

1535
01:20:34.160 --> 01:20:38.800
anybody else or leaving the door open for another possibility. But at the same time,

1536
01:20:38.800 --> 01:20:42.560
I wouldn't cut this off. It sounds like there's some real potential here.

1537
01:20:43.200 --> 01:20:49.200
If you give it a chance. And then you guys, what she was saying about it, he, it sounds like he

1538
01:20:49.200 --> 01:20:54.560
wants someone to like fold into his life and his plans and all that you guys, that kind of stuff

1539
01:20:54.560 --> 01:21:00.000
can change as we get to know someone she's she's been on. Yes. Almost 15 days. This guy lives an

1540
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:06.000
hour and a half away from her. Um, this is, this is something that when people fall in love and

1541
01:21:06.000 --> 01:21:10.960
they start to make a real decision towards being with you, these are things that couldn't be

1542
01:21:10.960 --> 01:21:17.840
compromised on. Nobody is going to compromise on what it is that they've already had planned out

1543
01:21:17.840 --> 01:21:24.640
in their head with someone that they are not sold on being with all the time. People come

1544
01:21:24.640 --> 01:21:28.640
to me and say, well, should I date this guy because, or should I date this woman? Because

1545
01:21:28.640 --> 01:21:33.680
you know, in conversation, they kind of laid out their five-year plan. And that's not what I want

1546
01:21:33.680 --> 01:21:39.200
to do in the next five years. Okay. They laid out their five-year plan because they're single

1547
01:21:39.200 --> 01:21:44.000
and single people have to plan their lives because they don't know whether they're going to get

1548
01:21:44.000 --> 01:21:52.000
married or not. But as people start to fall in love plans can change. Now, the only thing that

1549
01:21:52.000 --> 01:21:59.840
is not true. And what I'm saying right now is if someone tells you, I do not want children,

1550
01:22:00.880 --> 01:22:05.680
I do not want children. Do not say, oh, they'll change their mind someday. Oh, they just don't

1551
01:22:05.680 --> 01:22:10.160
know how great children are. No. If you want children and someone tells you point blank at

1552
01:22:10.160 --> 01:22:14.480
the beginning of a relationship, I'm not open to children. I don't want children. Maybe they

1553
01:22:14.480 --> 01:22:18.640
already have children and they don't want any more children. Then that's going to be a deal

1554
01:22:18.640 --> 01:22:25.680
breaker. That's going to be a non-negotiable. Okay. It is. If you have children and you can't relocate

1555
01:22:25.680 --> 01:22:30.640
and someone tells you at the beginning of a relationship that they also cannot relocate

1556
01:22:30.640 --> 01:22:34.160
because they have children, they have shared parenting, they have aging parents that they

1557
01:22:34.160 --> 01:22:39.840
have to take care of, whatever the reason may be, that is a deal breaker. That's a non-negotiable.

1558
01:22:40.560 --> 01:22:45.200
But we're so attracted to each other. I don't care. It doesn't matter. You're setting yourself

1559
01:22:45.200 --> 01:22:50.800
up for heartbreak. You're setting yourself up for heartbreak because they've already told you

1560
01:22:50.800 --> 01:22:58.240
that this is something that they are not willing to change. And you're not going to abandon your

1561
01:22:58.240 --> 01:23:01.840
children to go be with them. And you certainly don't want them to abandon their children to

1562
01:23:01.840 --> 01:23:06.880
come be with you. And so that is something where it doesn't matter if you're compatible,

1563
01:23:06.880 --> 01:23:11.920
it doesn't matter if there's chemistry, you just have to move on. Okay.

1564
01:23:14.080 --> 01:23:18.240
But if a guy says, yeah, I'm building a house, you know, this guy has a plan. He's building a

1565
01:23:18.240 --> 01:23:24.400
house. He's doing these things, but you know what? That kind of stuff can shift and change

1566
01:23:24.400 --> 01:23:30.880
as you begin to fall more and more and more in love with each other. If that's what happens,

1567
01:23:30.880 --> 01:23:33.680
that stuff can shift and change. And you're really not going to know

1568
01:23:34.480 --> 01:23:40.240
what someone really wants out of life until you get to know them better. If you guys play a hundred

1569
01:23:40.240 --> 01:23:45.040
questions with people that you don't know really well, they're just going to tell you whatever they

1570
01:23:45.040 --> 01:23:54.720
think the answer is. And this is why I do not at all advocate you asking a whole bunch of deep

1571
01:23:54.720 --> 01:23:59.680
personal questions about people's future plans with people that you have not gotten to know yet.

1572
01:23:59.920 --> 01:24:05.040
Because they're bound to say something that you're just like, well, I don't want that.

1573
01:24:05.040 --> 01:24:12.560
Well, they may not want that either in five more months. And so why are you asking them all of

1574
01:24:12.560 --> 01:24:18.960
these deep, deep, crazy questions, just so you can find like the perfect compatible mate. Don't do

1575
01:24:18.960 --> 01:24:25.760
that. Let things unfold. Enjoy getting to know each other. Let things, you know, let things take

1576
01:24:25.760 --> 01:24:34.720
their course. Is that cool? Okay. Okay. Thank you. Yep. So Julie, that was actually, it was an

1577
01:24:34.720 --> 01:24:40.960
answer to your question, but it was just a lot of coaching around this because so many people will

1578
01:24:42.080 --> 01:24:48.720
cross someone off a list because you gave them an interrogation on your second date and they

1579
01:24:48.720 --> 01:24:56.240
didn't answer the questions, right? They didn't answer the questions completely compatible to all

1580
01:24:56.240 --> 01:24:59.760
the things that you think you want at this moment in your life.

1581
01:25:00.800 --> 01:25:02.880
This is why it's really important, friends,

1582
01:25:02.880 --> 01:25:05.800
that you find out what your non-negotiables from heaven are

1583
01:25:05.800 --> 01:25:08.280
and what are your deal breakers from heaven.

1584
01:25:08.280 --> 01:25:13.280
And if those things don't pop up in the first couple dates,

1585
01:25:13.620 --> 01:25:15.940
then everything else should be negotiable.

1586
01:25:19.160 --> 01:25:20.760
Cool?

1587
01:25:20.760 --> 01:25:22.600
Everything else should be negotiable.

1588
01:25:24.460 --> 01:25:25.460
Okay, Jennifer Cook.

1589
01:25:26.600 --> 01:25:27.440
Thanks.

1590
01:25:27.440 --> 01:25:29.640
I have a long-distance dating question.

1591
01:25:29.640 --> 01:25:32.640
I'm an avoidant and I'm in California

1592
01:25:32.640 --> 01:25:35.720
and I'm sick of being rejected by California men.

1593
01:25:35.720 --> 01:25:39.940
And I wished slash prayed that a Midwestern man

1594
01:25:39.940 --> 01:25:40.840
would reach out to me.

1595
01:25:40.840 --> 01:25:43.120
And like a day or two later,

1596
01:25:43.120 --> 01:25:48.120
a guy proactively reached out on an app to me

1597
01:25:48.120 --> 01:25:51.320
and he's about 10 minutes from where I grew up.

1598
01:25:51.320 --> 01:25:55.020
And this was the same night as the prophetic night

1599
01:25:55.020 --> 01:25:58.280
and Bethany encouraged me to walk through a door.

1600
01:25:58.280 --> 01:25:59.840
And so I did.

1601
01:25:59.840 --> 01:26:01.160
So thank you, Bethany.

1602
01:26:01.160 --> 01:26:04.320
And I've been chatting with this guy for about two weeks

1603
01:26:04.320 --> 01:26:06.200
and then exchanged numbers.

1604
01:26:06.200 --> 01:26:07.960
We took it offline.

1605
01:26:07.960 --> 01:26:11.640
And then he said that he wanted to come out to California

1606
01:26:11.640 --> 01:26:12.920
and visit me.

1607
01:26:12.920 --> 01:26:16.520
I already have a trip planned to Michigan in mid-October,

1608
01:26:16.520 --> 01:26:17.720
but he said he didn't want to wait.

1609
01:26:17.720 --> 01:26:20.480
And I know that in long-distance relationships,

1610
01:26:20.480 --> 01:26:22.980
you kind of have to move things faster,

1611
01:26:24.240 --> 01:26:26.680
but he's coming out this weekend.

1612
01:26:26.720 --> 01:26:29.760
And so it's two weeks before I'm gonna fly back there.

1613
01:26:29.760 --> 01:26:32.800
Anyway, we already had a date planned, a coffee date planned,

1614
01:26:32.800 --> 01:26:34.760
but now I'm just like really nervous

1615
01:26:34.760 --> 01:26:37.200
and we're in different seasons of life.

1616
01:26:37.200 --> 01:26:38.820
I've never been married, no kids.

1617
01:26:38.820 --> 01:26:41.280
And he has four kids.

1618
01:26:43.160 --> 01:26:46.160
And I just don't know how, I guess I'm just nervous.

1619
01:26:46.160 --> 01:26:48.520
And I don't know how, like where to take it.

1620
01:26:48.520 --> 01:26:51.200
It's not gonna be low stakes or is it high stakes?

1621
01:26:51.200 --> 01:26:52.320
It's just very different

1622
01:26:52.320 --> 01:26:54.020
since he's flying out to Orange County

1623
01:26:54.020 --> 01:26:56.400
and I feel bad because it's an expensive trip.

1624
01:26:57.080 --> 01:27:00.520
He's staying in a hotel, just very nervous.

1625
01:27:00.520 --> 01:27:03.760
Okay, so I appreciate that you're kind

1626
01:27:03.760 --> 01:27:05.280
and you're conscientious,

1627
01:27:05.280 --> 01:27:07.920
but did you force him to come out and visit you?

1628
01:27:08.780 --> 01:27:09.620
No.

1629
01:27:09.620 --> 01:27:10.440
Right.

1630
01:27:10.440 --> 01:27:14.120
Were you already going to where he is in two weeks?

1631
01:27:14.120 --> 01:27:15.040
Yeah. Right.

1632
01:27:15.040 --> 01:27:19.360
So this man is so excited about you

1633
01:27:19.360 --> 01:27:23.240
that he wants to come out and visit you beforehand.

1634
01:27:23.240 --> 01:27:26.320
And so best case scenario is that you guys hit it off

1635
01:27:27.080 --> 01:27:27.920
and there's in-person chemistry,

1636
01:27:27.920 --> 01:27:28.760
the same kind of chemistry

1637
01:27:28.760 --> 01:27:30.960
that you guys are having over technology.

1638
01:27:30.960 --> 01:27:33.080
And you have one date and then two weeks later

1639
01:27:33.080 --> 01:27:35.560
you get to hang out again, right?

1640
01:27:36.880 --> 01:27:38.720
The realistic scenario is,

1641
01:27:38.720 --> 01:27:40.080
is that you guys are gonna meet up

1642
01:27:40.080 --> 01:27:41.640
and there might be some chemistry,

1643
01:27:41.640 --> 01:27:43.520
but once again, you're strangers

1644
01:27:43.520 --> 01:27:45.240
and you gotta give yourself a chance

1645
01:27:45.240 --> 01:27:46.400
to get to know each other.

1646
01:27:46.400 --> 01:27:49.740
And you're gonna get a chance to get to know each other now

1647
01:27:49.740 --> 01:27:52.680
and then two weeks from then, right?

1648
01:27:52.680 --> 01:27:54.080
Because unless he shows up

1649
01:27:54.080 --> 01:27:57.380
and he's absolutely cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs,

1650
01:27:57.380 --> 01:27:59.440
you definitely should meet up with him in Michigan

1651
01:27:59.440 --> 01:28:00.520
in two weeks too,

1652
01:28:00.520 --> 01:28:04.280
regardless of how excited or amazing

1653
01:28:04.280 --> 01:28:08.240
this coffee date or this trip out is, okay?

1654
01:28:08.240 --> 01:28:10.200
Because you gotta give yourself a chance

1655
01:28:10.200 --> 01:28:11.640
to warm up to the idea.

1656
01:28:11.640 --> 01:28:14.920
Don't expect there to be visceral attraction.

1657
01:28:14.920 --> 01:28:16.340
If there is visceral attraction,

1658
01:28:16.340 --> 01:28:18.720
make sure that you got your boundaries up,

1659
01:28:18.720 --> 01:28:22.880
you're not slippery sloping, okay?

1660
01:28:22.880 --> 01:28:24.240
Make sure of that.

1661
01:28:24.240 --> 01:28:27.720
But definitely it's a yes until it's a no.

1662
01:28:27.720 --> 01:28:30.060
And then there's worst case scenarios,

1663
01:28:30.060 --> 01:28:32.000
he shows up and you're just like,

1664
01:28:32.000 --> 01:28:35.960
ew, ew, ew, now what do I do?

1665
01:28:35.960 --> 01:28:38.440
Well, you don't feel guilty number one

1666
01:28:38.440 --> 01:28:41.240
because you didn't ask him to come.

1667
01:28:42.720 --> 01:28:46.280
Low hanging fruit was that you were already going there.

1668
01:28:46.280 --> 01:28:48.960
So he came and guess what?

1669
01:28:48.960 --> 01:28:51.320
That's gonna be good for him because he stretched himself,

1670
01:28:51.320 --> 01:28:52.740
he went after what he wants

1671
01:28:53.600 --> 01:28:54.740
and even if it doesn't work out,

1672
01:28:54.740 --> 01:28:57.500
it's still gonna make him better for it

1673
01:28:57.500 --> 01:29:00.420
because it's very masculine to go after what you want.

1674
01:29:01.380 --> 01:29:02.740
It is, and we like that.

1675
01:29:02.740 --> 01:29:04.860
We like men that take the initiative,

1676
01:29:04.860 --> 01:29:09.340
but do not, once again, if it's average,

1677
01:29:09.340 --> 01:29:11.180
it doesn't mean you're not feeling fireworks,

1678
01:29:11.180 --> 01:29:12.540
maybe there's no sparks,

1679
01:29:12.540 --> 01:29:16.500
but you're also not feeling completely repulsed and scared.

1680
01:29:16.500 --> 01:29:20.100
You definitely wanna see him again in Michigan, okay?

1681
01:29:20.100 --> 01:29:21.460
Okay.

1682
01:29:21.460 --> 01:29:23.260
And it sounds like you guys have been FaceTiming

1683
01:29:23.260 --> 01:29:24.620
and talking enough that you know

1684
01:29:24.620 --> 01:29:29.180
that there's a decent amount of camaraderie

1685
01:29:29.180 --> 01:29:31.060
between the two of you, right?

1686
01:29:31.060 --> 01:29:32.280
Yes, yeah.

1687
01:29:32.280 --> 01:29:36.140
Okay, so do not feel bad about the money.

1688
01:29:36.140 --> 01:29:40.340
I will say this for all of you long distance hopefuls,

1689
01:29:40.340 --> 01:29:42.540
for those of you that think you might be dating someone

1690
01:29:42.540 --> 01:29:44.500
long distance or you think that might happen

1691
01:29:44.500 --> 01:29:47.500
or you're open to that, long distance is hard.

1692
01:29:48.420 --> 01:29:51.700
Long distance takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice.

1693
01:29:51.700 --> 01:29:54.140
And even if you're the woman,

1694
01:29:54.140 --> 01:29:55.980
you are going to be called upon

1695
01:29:55.980 --> 01:29:58.340
to financially contribute to long distance.

1696
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.000
You are, because you both have to get skin in the game.

1697
01:30:05.780 --> 01:30:08.240
Now, not this first visit, this is all on him.

1698
01:30:08.240 --> 01:30:10.360
This is his idea and he's coming out there.

1699
01:30:10.360 --> 01:30:12.680
He could have easily waited until she got to Michigan.

1700
01:30:12.680 --> 01:30:16.200
But if they do decide to date after the Michigan trip,

1701
01:30:16.200 --> 01:30:18.240
then both of them are gonna have to figure out ways

1702
01:30:18.240 --> 01:30:21.640
to meet halfway, figure out ways to help each other,

1703
01:30:21.640 --> 01:30:23.720
house each other when they come to visit,

1704
01:30:23.720 --> 01:30:25.140
whether they stay with family or friends

1705
01:30:25.140 --> 01:30:26.760
or people from church or whatever,

1706
01:30:26.760 --> 01:30:29.000
they're gonna have to really work together

1707
01:30:29.080 --> 01:30:32.520
in order to see whether or not this can lead to marriage.

1708
01:30:32.520 --> 01:30:34.080
Cool?

1709
01:30:34.080 --> 01:30:35.540
All right, thank you.

1710
01:30:35.540 --> 01:30:36.800
Listen, we're excited for you.

1711
01:30:36.800 --> 01:30:40.040
You wanted a Midwest man and there you go.

1712
01:30:40.040 --> 01:30:42.360
All of you ladies in California that are just like her

1713
01:30:42.360 --> 01:30:45.480
and are sick and tired of like the California mindset.

1714
01:30:45.480 --> 01:30:47.660
I have one of my favorite students.

1715
01:30:47.660 --> 01:30:49.160
She is from California.

1716
01:30:49.160 --> 01:30:50.120
She's a California girl.

1717
01:30:50.120 --> 01:30:51.360
She's lived there all her life.

1718
01:30:51.360 --> 01:30:53.280
She was also sick and tired of that.

1719
01:30:53.280 --> 01:30:55.280
She thought there isn't one decent good man

1720
01:30:55.280 --> 01:30:56.640
left in California and guess what?

1721
01:30:56.640 --> 01:30:58.520
She's now engaged to be married to a man,

1722
01:30:58.520 --> 01:31:00.960
wait for it, from California, okay?

1723
01:31:00.960 --> 01:31:02.940
And so they do exist.

1724
01:31:02.940 --> 01:31:04.080
Don't give up on them.

1725
01:31:04.080 --> 01:31:06.920
But at the same time, Jennifer comes from the Midwest.

1726
01:31:06.920 --> 01:31:08.700
She wants a Midwest value guy

1727
01:31:08.700 --> 01:31:10.100
and we'll see what happens with this.

1728
01:31:10.100 --> 01:31:11.280
We're excited for you.

1729
01:31:11.280 --> 01:31:12.860
Jo, Anna, what do we got?

1730
01:31:15.080 --> 01:31:15.960
Hi, Jackie.

1731
01:31:17.920 --> 01:31:18.760
Is that right?

1732
01:31:18.760 --> 01:31:19.600
Hi.

1733
01:31:19.600 --> 01:31:20.420
Yeah, hi, I'm here.

1734
01:31:20.420 --> 01:31:21.360
Hi.

1735
01:31:21.360 --> 01:31:23.200
In your dating one-on-one,

1736
01:31:23.200 --> 01:31:28.200
you kind of say, oh, if you get too deep too soon,

1737
01:31:29.920 --> 01:31:33.480
you sometimes want to run from a perfectly good man.

1738
01:31:33.480 --> 01:31:37.200
And perhaps it's happened just because it's community-based

1739
01:31:37.200 --> 01:31:42.200
and I knew a lot about the guy before I even met him

1740
01:31:42.720 --> 01:31:45.320
about his past abusive marriage and all that.

1741
01:31:45.320 --> 01:31:48.720
He's currently doing the heart work himself, which is great.

1742
01:31:49.680 --> 01:31:52.400
But I found myself in exactly that place.

1743
01:31:52.440 --> 01:31:54.360
And I'm like, ah, this is all too intense.

1744
01:31:54.360 --> 01:31:59.360
And where to after the heart work?

1745
01:32:00.040 --> 01:32:02.720
I'm kind of gleaning, just go slow.

1746
01:32:02.720 --> 01:32:05.240
Even though he's super intentional and interested,

1747
01:32:05.240 --> 01:32:07.240
I'm a bit more, I don't know,

1748
01:32:07.240 --> 01:32:09.360
am I just compassionate for your story

1749
01:32:09.360 --> 01:32:12.920
or am I going for the qualities, orange flags?

1750
01:32:12.920 --> 01:32:14.880
I'm still figuring it all out.

1751
01:32:15.800 --> 01:32:17.120
And I'm feeling a bit pressured

1752
01:32:17.120 --> 01:32:21.640
by how intense the situation was so far

1753
01:32:21.640 --> 01:32:23.200
and how much interest he has,

1754
01:32:23.200 --> 01:32:26.040
even people around us having expectations.

1755
01:32:26.040 --> 01:32:29.680
So other than go slow, I guess.

1756
01:32:30.920 --> 01:32:33.480
Okay, so what you seem to be describing to me

1757
01:32:33.480 --> 01:32:36.440
is someone who has some anxious attachment style.

1758
01:32:36.440 --> 01:32:37.960
Yes, definitely.

1759
01:32:37.960 --> 01:32:39.920
So he's definitely really sure about you.

1760
01:32:39.920 --> 01:32:41.440
He's trying to lock it down.

1761
01:32:41.440 --> 01:32:46.440
He's trying to, but you're more, I'm not sure yet.

1762
01:32:46.440 --> 01:32:47.680
I need time to think about it.

1763
01:32:47.920 --> 01:32:51.360
So it is okay for you to put down a boundary.

1764
01:32:53.280 --> 01:32:56.760
And to let him know, hey, if this is true,

1765
01:32:56.760 --> 01:32:57.960
so I'm not putting words in your mouth,

1766
01:32:57.960 --> 01:33:00.320
but if this is true, you can say,

1767
01:33:00.320 --> 01:33:02.200
I'm enjoying getting to know you,

1768
01:33:03.120 --> 01:33:05.800
but you are going at a lot faster pace

1769
01:33:05.800 --> 01:33:07.080
than I'm comfortable with.

1770
01:33:08.000 --> 01:33:11.280
Right now, I wanna have a chance to get to know you.

1771
01:33:12.720 --> 01:33:15.800
So I'm okay with hanging out, going on these dates,

1772
01:33:15.800 --> 01:33:17.720
whatever it is that y'all are doing,

1773
01:33:17.720 --> 01:33:22.320
but I don't want to feel pressured or rushed

1774
01:33:22.320 --> 01:33:25.800
to know how I feel about you

1775
01:33:25.800 --> 01:33:29.240
until I know how I feel about the relationship.

1776
01:33:29.240 --> 01:33:30.520
Yes, thank you.

1777
01:33:30.520 --> 01:33:32.680
And do you think I should, yeah.

1778
01:33:32.680 --> 01:33:35.600
If he's not okay with that, then he's not your person.

1779
01:33:35.600 --> 01:33:36.440
Yeah, okay.

1780
01:33:36.440 --> 01:33:38.080
I think he will be, yeah.

1781
01:33:38.080 --> 01:33:38.920
Okay.

1782
01:33:38.920 --> 01:33:42.040
Do you think I should tell him about some concerns I have?

1783
01:33:42.040 --> 01:33:43.040
Or wait with it?

1784
01:33:43.040 --> 01:33:44.240
What are the concerns?

1785
01:33:44.240 --> 01:33:45.720
Tell us what they are.

1786
01:33:46.480 --> 01:33:47.320
Boundary issues.

1787
01:33:47.320 --> 01:33:51.600
I feel he's a very kind-hearted, servant-hearted person,

1788
01:33:51.600 --> 01:33:53.920
and sometimes I think to his own detriment,

1789
01:33:53.920 --> 01:33:56.680
and that just makes me a bit worried.

1790
01:33:58.000 --> 01:34:01.120
So you think he gets taken advantage of by other people?

1791
01:34:01.120 --> 01:34:01.960
Yeah.

1792
01:34:01.960 --> 01:34:02.800
Okay.

1793
01:34:02.800 --> 01:34:07.800
So if you're considering being his person, okay,

1794
01:34:11.200 --> 01:34:12.920
how many dates have y'all been on?

1795
01:34:13.840 --> 01:34:17.440
Five life dates, maybe 10 Zooms,

1796
01:34:17.440 --> 01:34:19.920
six weeks of getting to know.

1797
01:34:19.920 --> 01:34:21.880
How, are you long distance?

1798
01:34:23.640 --> 01:34:26.920
Two hours away by car, so not too bad, but still.

1799
01:34:26.920 --> 01:34:28.280
Okay, so it is, there is distance.

1800
01:34:28.280 --> 01:34:31.480
So five life dates and 10 Zooms.

1801
01:34:31.480 --> 01:34:33.600
Okay, and you say that he's pretty serious

1802
01:34:33.600 --> 01:34:35.160
about you already?

1803
01:34:35.160 --> 01:34:36.560
He showed great interest,

1804
01:34:36.560 --> 01:34:40.080
but again, he hasn't got much experience and all that.

1805
01:34:40.080 --> 01:34:41.800
Yeah, he's probably the first woman

1806
01:34:41.800 --> 01:34:44.160
that shows interest in him after his divorce.

1807
01:34:45.440 --> 01:34:46.280
Oh, how long has he been divorced?

1808
01:34:46.280 --> 01:34:49.800
And we have shared friends and all that too, so yeah.

1809
01:34:49.800 --> 01:34:52.240
How long has he been divorced?

1810
01:34:52.240 --> 01:34:55.080
I think about a year and a half or something.

1811
01:34:55.080 --> 01:34:57.200
Okay, and how long was he married?

1812
01:34:57.200 --> 01:34:58.920
20 years.

1813
01:34:58.920 --> 01:34:59.760
Oh, okay.

1814
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:01.480
Yeah, yeah.

1815
01:35:02.640 --> 01:35:04.040
Okay, all right.

1816
01:35:04.040 --> 01:35:05.720
So because you guys are friends,

1817
01:35:05.720 --> 01:35:08.360
would you qualify that, that you're friends?

1818
01:35:08.360 --> 01:35:09.520
Yeah.

1819
01:35:09.520 --> 01:35:11.480
Okay, because you're friends,

1820
01:35:11.480 --> 01:35:14.760
if you are going to give him constructive feedback

1821
01:35:14.760 --> 01:35:19.060
like that, like, hey, I'm concerned that, you know, you,

1822
01:35:20.080 --> 01:35:22.760
possibly your kindness might get you into a place

1823
01:35:22.760 --> 01:35:24.440
where you're being taken advantage of,

1824
01:35:24.440 --> 01:35:26.960
you need to find how to word that

1825
01:35:26.960 --> 01:35:29.920
in a way that is constructive.

1826
01:35:29.960 --> 01:35:33.440
In a way that doesn't seem like, you know,

1827
01:35:33.440 --> 01:35:35.440
because I don't think that you have enough deposit

1828
01:35:35.440 --> 01:35:38.720
in this relationship after five live dates and 10 Zooms

1829
01:35:38.720 --> 01:35:42.640
to really criticize or make it feel like it's criticism.

1830
01:35:42.640 --> 01:35:44.840
Okay, so there's not enough deposit

1831
01:35:44.840 --> 01:35:46.760
to make that type of withdrawal.

1832
01:35:46.760 --> 01:35:51.760
So if that is keeping you from being able to see him

1833
01:35:52.640 --> 01:35:55.160
as a potential partner,

1834
01:35:55.160 --> 01:35:56.720
because you don't wanna be with someone

1835
01:35:56.720 --> 01:35:57.920
with those attributes,

1836
01:35:57.920 --> 01:36:00.760
and you need to find a way to communicate that of,

1837
01:36:00.760 --> 01:36:05.560
hey, these are things that would keep me from going forward.

1838
01:36:05.560 --> 01:36:09.320
These are concerns that I have, you're super kind,

1839
01:36:09.320 --> 01:36:13.480
but I'd love to see the person that I'm gonna be with

1840
01:36:13.480 --> 01:36:17.000
have better boundaries in serving others

1841
01:36:17.000 --> 01:36:20.080
of, you know, not being taken advantage of,

1842
01:36:20.080 --> 01:36:21.920
or, and you have to be really careful with that

1843
01:36:21.920 --> 01:36:24.920
because you don't wanna give a promise of being together

1844
01:36:24.920 --> 01:36:28.080
by telling him what you wanna change

1845
01:36:28.080 --> 01:36:30.080
or what you would want him to change about himself.

1846
01:36:30.080 --> 01:36:31.280
Do you see what I'm saying?

1847
01:36:31.280 --> 01:36:33.640
So it's really, it's kind of muddy,

1848
01:36:33.640 --> 01:36:35.080
it's kind of muddy territory

1849
01:36:35.080 --> 01:36:39.560
because you're not really sure if you like him like that.

1850
01:36:39.560 --> 01:36:40.880
Yes.

1851
01:36:40.880 --> 01:36:44.680
So I guess keep slowly getting to know him

1852
01:36:44.680 --> 01:36:48.640
until such a time I can gently raise that concern.

1853
01:36:48.640 --> 01:36:49.480
That's right.

1854
01:36:49.480 --> 01:36:51.520
Is there any other concerns besides that one?

1855
01:36:52.520 --> 01:36:54.240
Not really.

1856
01:36:54.240 --> 01:36:55.080
Yeah. Okay.

1857
01:36:55.080 --> 01:36:56.760
I mean, different backgrounds and all that,

1858
01:36:56.760 --> 01:36:58.520
but nothing majorly.

1859
01:36:58.520 --> 01:37:01.720
He's actually a great guy, but yeah, that is just.

1860
01:37:03.000 --> 01:37:04.600
Okay, he sounds like a great guy,

1861
01:37:04.600 --> 01:37:09.600
and it sounds like you may be trying to find

1862
01:37:11.240 --> 01:37:13.240
something wrong with him.

1863
01:37:13.240 --> 01:37:15.520
Yep, I have considered that a lot.

1864
01:37:15.520 --> 01:37:19.360
So we have a classic anxious avoidant

1865
01:37:19.360 --> 01:37:21.040
type of dance going on here.

1866
01:37:21.640 --> 01:37:22.480
I do.

1867
01:37:22.480 --> 01:37:27.120
Okay, so maybe take a look at that.

1868
01:37:27.120 --> 01:37:29.880
All right, watch our session on anxiety,

1869
01:37:29.880 --> 01:37:33.240
relationship anxiety, anxious avoidant attachment,

1870
01:37:33.240 --> 01:37:34.200
secure attachment.

1871
01:37:34.200 --> 01:37:35.480
Take the quiz if you haven't,

1872
01:37:35.480 --> 01:37:38.560
see where you test out and understand that

1873
01:37:38.560 --> 01:37:40.640
no one's ever gonna be perfect.

1874
01:37:40.640 --> 01:37:44.280
And if that is the worst thing about this guy,

1875
01:37:44.280 --> 01:37:46.040
then that guy is pretty great.

1876
01:37:46.040 --> 01:37:49.520
Okay, so yeah, okay.

1877
01:37:49.520 --> 01:37:50.400
Thank you, Jackie.

1878
01:37:51.400 --> 01:37:52.800
Take it slow, keep getting to know him.

1879
01:37:52.800 --> 01:37:55.520
Allow yourself to get to know him.

1880
01:37:55.520 --> 01:37:56.840
That's important.

1881
01:37:56.840 --> 01:37:58.200
I wrote something down.

1882
01:37:58.200 --> 01:38:00.840
Oh, someone said, I thought I was your favorite.

1883
01:38:00.840 --> 01:38:04.720
If you guys know, I'll oftentimes say one of my favorites,

1884
01:38:04.720 --> 01:38:06.880
one of my favorite students or one of my favorite matches,

1885
01:38:06.880 --> 01:38:09.320
because I'm like, Jesus, you're all my favorite.

1886
01:38:10.760 --> 01:38:12.680
I have all the favorites.

1887
01:38:12.680 --> 01:38:15.560
And so for whoever said that,

1888
01:38:15.560 --> 01:38:18.520
I think it was Nora, little teacher's pet.

1889
01:38:18.520 --> 01:38:20.120
I think it was Nora that said that.

1890
01:38:20.120 --> 01:38:20.960
Okay.

1891
01:38:20.960 --> 01:38:21.800
All right.

1892
01:38:21.800 --> 01:38:23.720
Okay, you guys, we're right at our 90 minute mark.

1893
01:38:23.720 --> 01:38:24.680
We're a little bit over.

1894
01:38:24.680 --> 01:38:25.840
It's been fun tonight.

1895
01:38:25.840 --> 01:38:27.000
We're definitely gonna do,

1896
01:38:27.000 --> 01:38:29.000
if you see the October calendar,

1897
01:38:29.000 --> 01:38:30.160
I think you're gonna be excited.

1898
01:38:30.160 --> 01:38:31.840
We have a lot of fun things.

1899
01:38:32.680 --> 01:38:35.680
Do a little dating game for a little event

1900
01:38:35.680 --> 01:38:36.880
that we're gonna have.

1901
01:38:38.240 --> 01:38:42.080
Where's the information about anxiety in the test?

1902
01:38:43.320 --> 01:38:46.760
Bethany, where does our relationship anxiety

1903
01:38:46.760 --> 01:38:47.920
path session live?

1904
01:38:47.960 --> 01:38:50.520
It lives in phase three replays, right?

1905
01:38:50.520 --> 01:38:53.680
Well, so the phase three in the app,

1906
01:38:53.680 --> 01:38:55.600
you're gonna go to the training tab

1907
01:38:55.600 --> 01:38:58.920
for prior path sessions.

1908
01:38:58.920 --> 01:39:00.080
So training tab,

1909
01:39:00.080 --> 01:39:01.840
and then you're gonna click on the path area

1910
01:39:01.840 --> 01:39:03.680
and you'll just have to scroll and read.

1911
01:39:03.680 --> 01:39:05.000
We label them.

1912
01:39:05.000 --> 01:39:06.080
And so you'll look for the ones

1913
01:39:06.080 --> 01:39:07.600
that are anxious attachment,

1914
01:39:07.600 --> 01:39:09.480
or we also did levels of relationship.

1915
01:39:09.480 --> 01:39:10.400
That was really great.

1916
01:39:10.400 --> 01:39:11.880
That will help a lot of you as well.

1917
01:39:11.880 --> 01:39:13.480
Jackie did those,

1918
01:39:13.480 --> 01:39:16.320
but there's several other path sessions in there

1919
01:39:16.320 --> 01:39:18.800
for those that have just joined phase three

1920
01:39:18.800 --> 01:39:19.640
in the last few months,

1921
01:39:19.640 --> 01:39:21.360
you're gonna wanna check those out.

1922
01:39:22.240 --> 01:39:25.480
And the calendar should have gone up today as well.

1923
01:39:25.480 --> 01:39:26.320
Oh, good.

1924
01:39:26.320 --> 01:39:27.160
So go take a look at that,

1925
01:39:27.160 --> 01:39:28.960
get excited about that.

1926
01:39:28.960 --> 01:39:30.800
For those of you that are participating

1927
01:39:30.800 --> 01:39:31.760
in the affiliate program,

1928
01:39:31.760 --> 01:39:32.600
get your friends in.

1929
01:39:32.600 --> 01:39:35.720
October is gonna be a great month to add people in.

1930
01:39:35.720 --> 01:39:39.040
And for those of you that asked about the special,

1931
01:39:39.040 --> 01:39:40.720
I did run an inner circle special

1932
01:39:40.720 --> 01:39:42.800
for the people that follow me on Instagram.

1933
01:39:42.800 --> 01:39:44.760
There's like a little free inner circle group.

1934
01:39:44.800 --> 01:39:47.000
It is $97.

1935
01:39:47.000 --> 01:39:49.120
You cannot get your affiliate on that.

1936
01:39:49.120 --> 01:39:51.520
So if they sign up for the full 297 program,

1937
01:39:51.520 --> 01:39:54.160
you can get your affiliate pay out of $75.

1938
01:39:54.160 --> 01:39:56.800
If you direct them to that,

1939
01:39:56.800 --> 01:39:59.040
cause that's the only place that that's posted.

1940
01:39:59.040 --> 01:40:00.360
So if you direct them to.

1941
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:02.880
my social media into that link that lives in that inner circle,

1942
01:40:02.880 --> 01:40:04.440
because I think it's only good through tomorrow.

1943
01:40:04.720 --> 01:40:07.000
If you direct them to that and they buy in at 97,

1944
01:40:07.000 --> 01:40:10.800
then you won't get any affiliate pay out on that. Okay. Um,

1945
01:40:10.840 --> 01:40:15.560
so don't do that. Use the regular link for the affiliate,

1946
01:40:15.640 --> 01:40:18.920
the two 97, it's still a really great bargain for what people get.

1947
01:40:19.560 --> 01:40:22.640
And it's great. All right. Uh, yes, you guys,

1948
01:40:22.800 --> 01:40:25.760
there was a game you said that was good for dates. Yes. It's called,

1949
01:40:25.760 --> 01:40:27.320
we're not strangers,

1950
01:40:29.040 --> 01:40:32.680
but you guys be careful with that. Cause once again,

1951
01:40:33.040 --> 01:40:35.560
if you ask people too deep of questions,

1952
01:40:35.560 --> 01:40:37.480
they're going to feel forced to answer.

1953
01:40:37.800 --> 01:40:42.520
And they may say something in passing that makes you cross them off the list

1954
01:40:42.520 --> 01:40:46.920
because you think that that's not compatible to what you want out of life.

1955
01:40:47.360 --> 01:40:51.560
And once again, people's plans change when they fall in love.

1956
01:40:52.000 --> 01:40:56.280
So unless someone is adamant about a non-negotiable or a deal breaker that they

1957
01:40:56.280 --> 01:41:00.560
have, in fact, you'd be better served to ask someone what's your non-negotiables

1958
01:41:00.560 --> 01:41:04.560
from heaven. What's your deal breakers from heaven?

1959
01:41:05.320 --> 01:41:07.280
Because if they're like, I don't want kids,

1960
01:41:07.320 --> 01:41:09.400
I'm not interested in this or interested in that.

1961
01:41:09.440 --> 01:41:14.600
And that is also a deal breaker for you. Then you can either invite them into

1962
01:41:14.600 --> 01:41:17.440
the community and introduce them to someone else that doesn't have those deal

1963
01:41:17.440 --> 01:41:21.000
breakers. Or you can say, bless you, but we're not a match.

1964
01:41:21.840 --> 01:41:26.560
Cool. All right. Had two great guys tonight. Please email us.

1965
01:41:26.560 --> 01:41:29.400
If you think that you are a match for Joshua or Steven,

1966
01:41:29.640 --> 01:41:31.680
put their name in the subject line.

1967
01:41:31.680 --> 01:41:36.520
So we know exactly what your email is about so that we can very quickly

1968
01:41:37.440 --> 01:41:40.360
go through those that come in. I have a feeling we're going to get a bunch.

1969
01:41:40.720 --> 01:41:42.840
And then in the body of your email,

1970
01:41:42.840 --> 01:41:45.960
if you haven't filled out your spirit mate match profile yet,

1971
01:41:46.200 --> 01:41:50.880
please give me at least one headshot without sunglasses,

1972
01:41:50.880 --> 01:41:55.560
one full body picture. Okay. And then a little bio about yourself,

1973
01:41:55.560 --> 01:41:58.240
but if you have filled out your spirit mate match profile,

1974
01:41:58.480 --> 01:42:02.400
all I need in the body of the email is the email that you used,

1975
01:42:03.080 --> 01:42:06.880
the name that you're under in spirit mate match. And that's it.

1976
01:42:07.040 --> 01:42:10.800
The email in your name. And I will look you up myself. Okay.

1977
01:42:11.240 --> 01:42:15.200
And make sure that you have added a picture to your profile. Yes.

1978
01:42:15.200 --> 01:42:17.280
It's not letting people add more than one picture.

1979
01:42:17.280 --> 01:42:20.400
I know we're trying to fix it. But in the meantime,

1980
01:42:20.480 --> 01:42:24.800
at least add one picture. Okay. Yes. So be a replay.

1981
01:42:24.840 --> 01:42:27.320
For those of you that said you could hardly hear, is that true?

1982
01:42:27.560 --> 01:42:32.000
Can't hardly hear. I feel like I'm talking loud.

1983
01:42:32.760 --> 01:42:33.600
I heard.

1984
01:42:34.720 --> 01:42:38.200
Okay. So that might be the volume on your device. Mel,

1985
01:42:38.200 --> 01:42:41.720
you maybe have to turn it up if that's the case. Um,

1986
01:42:42.240 --> 01:42:46.600
I'm trying to think of there any other, there's no other announcements.

1987
01:42:46.640 --> 01:42:49.920
I'll see you guys this weekend for what's going to be the start of a very

1988
01:42:49.920 --> 01:42:54.800
supernatural time together going into 5785 and all that

1989
01:42:54.800 --> 01:42:55.640
God has planned.

1990
01:42:55.840 --> 01:43:00.560
The replay from today's prayer this morning will be in your replays

1991
01:43:00.600 --> 01:43:05.360
and it will be labeled, um, with today's date. Okay. See you soon. Bye everyone.