Awesome. Welcome, ladies. This is your Phase 2 live check-in. One o'clock. It is October
15th. So good to be here with y'all. I've got to just make a quick change in my notes
because it's saying that it's September, and that's definitely not what we want. All right.
Yes, this is October 15th, your one o'clock call. Just to keep in mind, tonight we had a little bit
of a schedule change. It's very exciting. The Phase 2 ladies are being invited to a spirit
mate match event. So that is happening tonight at our check-in time at eight o'clock Eastern.
So instead of a check-in at eight o'clock, we are doing a spirit mate match event with Jackie
at eight o'clock. So when you're in your app and you click the events tab, that link is going to
be under your calendar. Okay. So just keep that in mind. So let's go ahead and get started with
some housekeeping items. First off, is there anybody that's new to Phase 2? I don't think
so. I think I recognize all of you that are here with me live at the moment. So I don't see any
newbies on our live, but just in case there's some newbies in replay, I'm going to just kind
of go over some of those little tidbits for those that are watching in replay. So remember,
there are five videos. So you are asked to watch those one video a week, take time, process through
those, pray about them, journal on, and then come share your takeaways with us here at Last Year
Single in the app. Okay. As you're also watching those videos, be thinking and praying how God
wants to highlight how you can use that information and that content in your current situation,
whether you're dating or considering dating. Maybe you're not quite there yet. However,
God highlights to you things and processes that you can be using. Okay. Because remember,
y'all are on your own journeys. You're all on your own process. Okay. There's no like right
or wrong time that you need to, you know, jump into the dating pool or not. I know some people
are a little bit slower to the punch. That was me when I was in the program. I was like, I got
to take my time, y'all. So we totally get it. We just want to make sure that you're not being
stuck in the waiting room and that God is highlighting for things, highlighting things
for you to go ahead and start stepping into that process. All right. So if you are new here in
phase two, so you might be asking, okay, like now that I'm here, what do I need to do? So again,
along with those videos, just make sure that you're showing up here in phase two. You will
get out of this group, what you put in. I can attest to that having been in the program myself
and ways that you can show up are by sharing and posting in the app. And now all of that stuff can
be about all different types of things. So for example, that might be some heartwork stuff that
you are still working and processing through dating situations, especially this situation.
So if you're out there dating, make sure you're coming in our app and you're showing up and
letting us know what's going on in your dating life. Okay. I want the good, the bad, the ugly,
so that we can help you with the blind spots. Okay. Mickey, don't stress. I know I see you're
like, oh, the good, the bad, the ugly. Again, it's no stress whatsoever. Okay.
We're just here to be those blind spots and just to kind of share your experience. Okay.
Other things that you can be sharing are things that you're actually learning from the video.
Like what takeaways did you have? I shared that a little bit a moment ago. Things that stuck out
to you. Tom, let us know. Like what new information did you get now that you maybe didn't have back
then? All right. Any breakthroughs that you're having? It doesn't have to be dating related.
It doesn't have to be dating related. Okay. We're all again, like this is not just a dating journey.
It is just a life journey. Okay. I learned that just in my own experience. There were
other breakthroughs that I was getting, not always from the dating situation. Okay.
And then anything that you want to celebrate or questions that you may have, the questions could
be about something that maybe you heard in replay or a question that you have in regards to some of
the video content. Maybe it's a question about a dating situation that you're in. Come to the app
and share all of those things with us. Okay. I cannot stress that enough. All right. When you
are creating posts, just
Help us out by not linking other websites or influencers or authors or speakers or things of that nature.
We just don't have the time to vet those things out. We want to make sure that they're aligned with what we're teaching here at Last Year Single.
You may have noticed some of the ladies have done some videos. If you do decide to do a video, please try to keep it under three minutes.
The best way to do that is to jot down some bullet points before recording.
I have a hard time with this, but I've learned by taking some notes it does really help keep those videos short, brief, and powerful.
When you are posting in the community, make sure you're mindful of what tab you're posting it under, especially the Ask a Coach tab.
Those are super, super important.
Then in the app, another way you can show up is to show up for your sisters.
Comment, encourage, share in their celebrations and excitement with them, engage with them, and reply to their posts.
As long as it's not under the Ask a Coach, everything else is free game.
All we ask is that you refrain from any sort of negativity.
We get that some of y'all are going to find yourselves in some really frustrating, maybe discouraging situations.
We've all been there, myself included, but we don't want to stay stuck there.
A lot of times we stay stuck there when we have other people joining in on our party.
Just like, oh, I'm so frustrated.
Everyone's like, yeah, I'm frustrated. Men suck.
We do not want to bash men.
Men are not the bad guy.
The enemy is the bad guy.
There's some men that, yeah, they don't have it.
They're kind of not got a mentor like Jackie, or they have wounds and heart issues as well.
Maybe they're not open to being a better version of themselves.
That's okay.
We don't have to pick up that pen.
We don't have to share in that negativity.
Again, just try not to jump on the negative train with your sisters.
Just try to be as encouraging and hopeful and lift all the boats that you possibly can.
Then the best way to stay engaged is to come to as many of these live check-ins as you possibly can.
This time in phase two is only meant to be about four or five weeks long.
We want you to capitalize and utilize that time for your benefit.
This is a much smaller community, a much smaller group in phase two.
It really is designed to kind of give you ladies some extra one-on-one coaching before you step out into phase three,
which there's a lot of exciting things in phase three.
You don't want to stay stuck in phase two.
That's why I say in that four to five weeks, make the most of it by showing up to these lives.
Then showing up in the app, sharing with us what's going on, and getting all of the information you possibly can.
Navigating the app.
A couple things.
I want you ladies to be open to using both your phone and your desktop.
I have learned by using both helps me navigate the app a lot better.
Again, this is a brand new app.
We develop it just for our last year single community.
Like any new app, there's going to be glitches, especially in these beginning stages.
Just help us by being patient while we work with the developers to get out these kinks.
Just understand that we are here for you.
There are times where we might not see something that you post in the eight or 12 hours.
If we don't see it, it's not because we don't care.
We just simply are still trying to navigate the apps ourselves.
But trust that as soon as we see it, we are going to respond to you, ladies.
We care about you deeply.
And just know that we are here for you.
Okay?
Another thing to be keeping in mind is that resource tab and the training tab.
There's a lot of good information there.
Especially in the training tab, it's going to kind of give you just a brief overview of how to navigate the app.
So make sure you check that out.
And then in the resource tab, we have the affiliate information, the spirit mate match information, single cities, and then the Ask Jackie link.
So I would strongly encourage you to check that out.
And just keep in mind, a lot of times people want to...
send emails about that information, especially with the spirit mate match and the affiliate link,
understand that we just do not have the bandwidth to be able to answer all those emails,
so we won't be. So your best bet is to get all the information from the app. If you have a question
about it, you can come to the app and ask us there, and we'll be happy to find the answers for
you, okay? The only time really that we tell you to email us at admin at JackieDorman.com
is when you're ready to shift over to phase three. So what that looks like, because again,
this is not for the new ladies that are listening in replay or just brand new coming in,
but some of you ladies that have been here for more than five weeks, I know there's a handful
of you that I've recently noticed that some of y'all been here since June and July,
we're going to be kicking you out of the nest, okay? So what that looks like is when you've
watched your video content, you've been in the group for the minimum of four to five weeks,
and you've come to the live check-ins, you've replayed, you've shown up in the app,
that's when you will email admin at JackieDorman.com to request to get entered into
phase three, okay? So that is really the only time that we broadcast to email, okay, is getting
into phase three. Everything else, you can come to us in the app and have the information that's
already there available to you or ask your question, and we can navigate it from there,
okay? I think that pretty much covers all my housekeeping items, anything housekeeping
related that any of you ladies have questions on. I'm going to go ahead and open. I know I don't
usually do this, but I know I covered a lot of information, and I did a really good job
about covering it fast. Does anybody have any questions about housekeeping stuff?
No, we're good. Awesome, okay. We've gotten a few more people popped on since I started, so
please let me know how many of you are brand new here to phase two. Go ahead and raise your hand,
your avatar hand if you can, and ladies, I know some of you are driving and can't be on camera
or you're at work, that's fine, but if you can be on camera, I would love to see your face.
I can't figure out where the hand is. I'm sorry. Oh, that's okay. Come on and show your face and
you can just raise your hand like this. Are you brand new then? New to phase two? You are muted.
New to phase two? You are muted. All right, so yes. All right, well, I'm going to go ahead and
jump into the teaching since it doesn't look like there's any questions about the housekeeping
stuff. So, this week we are on the third video, so again, those of you that are brand new,
don't worry. If you haven't watched the video yet, you'll get there. What we like to do on
these live calls is we just like to give a little bit of a teaching on the videos, and so since
there are five, we really go over the four, the dating 101, the divine feminine, the online dating,
and then the boundaries. So, this is the third week of the month, so we're on that online dating
video. So, I'm just going to go ahead and jump in and just kind of give you some of the top 10 from
that video, and then I got a few other things that I want to discuss with you ladies, and then I'll
open the floor to questions, and we'll do a breakout session as well and get you ladies
getting to know one another a little better, okay? So, the online dating video, so just go ahead and
raise your hand if you have watched the online dating video. I know there's some of you that are
new, so you might not have gotten to that yet. Okay, Emily, she's watched the online dating, so is
Kylie. Perfect. Awesome. So, just a couple of you, so those of you that haven't watched the online
dating video, I'm just going to briefly touch on a couple things, all right? Take notes if you want,
and then just keep that in mind when you're watching it for yourself when you get to it,
because remember, we only want to do one a week. So, the dating 101, not dating 101, online dating,
all right? Top 10 things to be thinking about when you're doing online dating is, number one, is to
go in with a fresh attitude, okay? If your attitude's not fresh, don't go out.
I know back in my day, I'm one of the OGs from Jackie's group.
She used to joke with us, it was like, you know, swimming with the sharks, because yeah,
ladies, sometimes online dating, I mean, raise your hand if you've been online dating, and
you've come across some not so great men to deal with.
Yeah, right.
It's just there.
Okay.
But we need to have a fresh attitude.
We don't want to focus so much on the negative and the guys that are out there that maybe
give us those creep vibes, right?
We really do want to go on with a fresh attitude and remind ourselves that we are God protected,
for God defended.
And we don't have to pick up the offense to those guys, we can bless and block and be
on our way.
And that is something I'm going to talk with y'all a little bit later about.
So yeah, go in with a fresh attitude.
If you don't have that fresh attitude yet, don't go in at all.
Number two is go in to actually date.
All right.
This is and then you get to know yourself and to practice your dating skills.
All right, if you're not going to actually invest in it, like, use it for what it really
is.
It really is a good tool if it's used, well, okay.
I was one of those people, I didn't like the whole online dating thing at all, but I stepped
out of my comfort zone and I still did it.
And I learned a lot about myself and it allowed me an opportunity to practice what I was learning
in this community and just putting it into practice in real life.
And then I actually got to go on some dates.
I can't say all my dates were phenomenal, but I will say that there were a handful of
dates that I didn't anticipate to be great, but they were.
So just go in it to actually practice your dating skills and get to know yourself better.
Number three is be willing to deal with those scammers, those ghosters, those wishy washy
men.
All right.
Just pass them by.
All right.
It's not your job to teach them how to date.
It's not your job to share the gospel or to share with them how they're supposed to be
dating.
It's not your job to teach them heartwork either.
All right.
Be willing to know that you're going to deal with those types of men, but pass them by.
Okay.
So again, I will talk in a little bit about what we do to bless and block and what that
looks like.
Okay.
So number four, we're going to talk about your profile.
All right.
So when you're doing your profile, you want to make sure that you're picking the best
photos.
You want some closeup ones and some full links.
You don't want to put other people in them.
Okay.
So really try to limit.
I know like myself, I always like to take pictures with groups of people.
If you can kind of crop yourself out of them, that's best because what happens is you get
other people in there and they can be a distraction.
All right.
Because I don't know about you, but even when I'm looking, when I was online and I was looking
at guys' photos and they had pictures of other people, like there were times I'm like, Ooh,
that guy's cute.
And it wasn't even the guy whose profile it was like, Oh, that's probably not a good idea.
All right.
So just like highlight yourself.
You don't want to highlight your friends.
Highlight yourself.
All right.
Um, and then don't use photos with a bunch of sunglasses.
Okay.
I was living in Florida at the time.
So that was hard because anytime I was outside, I was wearing glasses.
So the sunglasses, they cover your face.
Like guys want to see your face.
All right.
They want to see your eyes.
They want to see your smile.
So make sure you're posting photos with you smiling as well.
Okay.
So I'm not saying that you can't have any photos where you're outside, maybe a pair
of sunglasses on because maybe you're a beachgoer and you want to highlight that you spend time
at the beach, but let's not, let's give them more photos that are close up and that highlight
your face, then that cover them.
Okay.
Um, so that's all about the photos.
So now we want to talk about, um, what your post, like what information you're giving.
So you just want to make sure that you're being positive about who you are and what
you like to do and what you're looking for.
Okay.
Don't forget to put a little bit about what you're looking for, what characteristics,
what qualities in people do you like the most?
Do you like men that have a certain.
heart, that are, you know, generous with their time, you
know, you could put that in there. I'm really attracted to
men that volunteer their time with, you know, special groups
and programs and churches, whatever that is, okay? Maybe
you like a man that is chivalrous and will open your
car door for you. You know, what qualities and characteristics
are you looking for in a man that you find very attractive?
You know, make sure that you're putting that in there. And
again, being positive. We don't want to talk about negative what
you don't want, but talk about what you do want. Okay? And
also, we know that all of us here are believers, okay? We
can talk about how Jesus is important in our life, but we
don't want to be so overly, and I know this sometimes gets
people in a funk, where like, when you be like that to Jesus
girl, like, it's like all about it. That can sometimes steer
some Christian men away, just from their own experience with
dealing with, because here's, I'll be honest, there's a lot of
Christian women out there, that as soon as they find a Christian
man, they're like planning their their wedding date and how many
kids they're gonna have and all sorts of stuff. Like, we won't
pump the brakes a little bit. So unfortunately, some some really
good men have been, you know, a little bit like jaded by that.
So obviously, my best thing that I can suggest you ladies is if
you're not sure about what you're putting in your dating
profile, bring it to us here in the community. Share with us
what you're thinking about posting. And we can give you
some some feedback on that. Okay. And then the last thing
about your profile is, I know all different apps have all
different things. But there's a lot of apps that have where you
can fill in questions, and they give you little prompts and
stuff. Do your best to fill out all of those places that you
can, like some of them even have like, putting a video, I know
that's, that's like a new thing. So if you can do that, okay,
excuse me. Okay, so number five, now we are focused on one or two
dating sites at a time. Okay, do not overload yourself, ladies.
If you do, you're going to find you're working at like a job.
And yes, you want to be open to dating and putting yourself out
there. But you also don't want to be so boggled down to your
phone and these apps that you're not enjoying the everyday
life. So I I say a good rule of thumb is one or two at a time.
And there's some free ones like Facebook and hinge. I
personally appreciated the Facebook dating. And I know some
people get bent out of shape because it's not a Christian
dating site. But ladies, there's Christians everywhere. And
sometimes on those Christian sites, there's not Christians on
them. Some of them they can be a front like that. Okay, so be
open to doing a couple different ones. All right. And then I also
say, give yourself at least three months on one app before
you decide to can it. Okay, because those apps they will
there's like an ebb and flow and up and down a feast or famine.
Some weeks you'd be like, Oh my goodness, it's raining men. And
then the next week, you're like, it's a drought. Alright, so
just be open to allowing time for these apps. And that there
is a process with it. Okay. I know a lot of times people get
on those apps. And they're like, I'm ready to meet my husband.
And they want every like interaction that they have to be
that person. And I will say nine times out of 10, that's not
gonna happen. You know, there's a process of having just to kind
of go through a couple different people. And honestly, like
there's a process and learning more about yourself and what you
like and what you don't like that happens with the dating
process. Okay, number six is texting like, no more than a
week. So if you're messaging back and forth, don't do it for
more than a week, move to a video, like zoom call, or even a
phone call, like if you're using Google Voice or live date within
a week. All right, you don't want to sit in the pen.
Powell category. Okay. What can happen when you're doing that
too, is that you then you start talking about deep dive, like
you deep dive with people, you talk about personal things with
a complete stranger. And the next thing you know, like you're
four weeks in, you've never met this person face to face. And
you start catching feelings and fantasizing what this could be
like, oh, they, they understand me, they get me, you're sharing
intimate details about yourself, and they're doing the same
thing. And you haven't even seen him before. You haven't even
met up. So the best way is get those those zoom calls, those
video dates and those live dates. And I know a lot of
times people are freaked out about getting scammed. Ladies,
the best way to get out of getting scammed is get on a
video call, because scammers don't want to be on a video
call, you're going to know real quick, if they're not open to
jumping on a video call with you, then they're not worth your
time. All right. One thing I love that Renee used to coach
and say, is telling people, look, I'm in a season where I
want to date in real life. So if that's you, that's great. If
not, I understand, but I'm going to continue to move on.
And that's okay to say, ladies, you're not going to hurt men's
feelings. Okay. All right, number seven, some top things to
say, all right, you are looking to date in real life, which I
just got done saying that you want to you want people to know
like, look, you are in it to be real, like to actually date to
get to know somebody. All right, to go on physical dates
with. Another thing to say is, those are so when people ask you
a question, you can say those are great. Those questions are
great for a live chat. So can we we can hear tone and inflection?
Do you want to go ahead and set that up? So if they're starting
to ask them like more detailed questions, you can be like,
that's a really awesome question. I would love to get on
a video call to be able to answer some of these so we can
see each other face to face. You can ask and say, what things do
you do that take up your time that matter to you? That's just
a good question of getting to know people. This doesn't even
have to be online dating, it's dating in general. Um, what
things do you like to do to decompress, relax or restore?
Some people, the way they decompress is they just need
chill time. That's me. Like I need my quiet time. Other
people, they recharge by being around more people. Like, that's
always a good thing to know. Like, what do you do? What? How
do you relieve stress? Are you someone that likes to go and be
active? Or are you someone that just kind of likes just to read
a book? I mean, that can say a lot about you. And then that you
can see how whether it complements your personality and
the things that you enjoy as well. Another thing is to stick
to present day conversations and what they are wanting to do in
the next year or two. So stay in the present. Now, let's not
jump into the past. I know that's very easy to do. And
here's the thing, you ladies, as you meet guys, and you are
conversing with them, it's, it never fails that people want to
go back to, Oh, have you been married before? How long was
your last relationship? Like, it's, it's just kind of one of
those things that I think people think, well, I'm here to date.
So I have to talk about dating things. Okay, it's okay to
redirect those conversations. All right, you want to stay more
in the present day. And you can share that with people be like,
you know, I would rather be present in the here and now and
what you're doing with your life now and, and where you see
yourself in the next year or two. You know, again, going back
to the what, what things matter to you, what, what takes up your
time. We also say to tell you not to overshare about your
trauma, your drama, your ex situations, triggers or to go
too deep into your faith or too deep into having a sex talk.
These are things that you can say this is a great question for
us to tackle. Once we've gotten to know each other more. Because
you're not
is gonna stay in that level, that surface level.
As you date people, and as you've been on three,
four, five dates, and you're really enjoying someone,
you are gonna start going a little bit more
and more and more.
You're gonna start peeling that onion.
But you most definitely do not wanna have
those deep, deep, intimate conversations
in that, I would say, your first three dates.
I would say, you're really getting to know
someone from date one to date three.
And then usually by date three or four,
you kinda have an idea of whether or not
you want to continue getting to know them
and seeing if it can go romantic or you're just not in it.
And you don't see it going anywhere romantic.
Number eight, be open to long distance
if and only if you can afford to do it
and you're willing to relocate
or they are willing to relocate.
The last thing you wanna do is start catching feelings
for someone that you can never see, they can't see you,
and then maybe you get a few in there,
but neither one of you are able or willing to relocate.
At that part, then you just start getting,
like, you just get so involved into something
that it can't go anywhere.
You know, a lot of times people
have parenting custody agreements and they can't.
I know that's happened in this community.
There was a man in this community
and a woman in this community
and they really enjoyed each other,
but neither one of them could relocate
and they live, like, states away.
Like, unfortunately, when you have custody agreements
and things of that nature,
it can be a little challenging, all right?
My case, for example, was a little bit different.
I didn't have a court agreement with my son's father.
I actually didn't wanna move at all,
but I decided to be open to it.
And then when the time happened,
my son's dad actually decided to cut out.
He left the state and it was perfect timing
because I had just then met my now husband, all right?
And I wasn't even sure I wanted to move.
Actually, I knew I didn't wanna move, but I did
because God highlighted that that's what he wanted for me.
So, but luckily I knew I could afford it
and my now husband, he could afford it.
He actually even worked in the same state that I did.
He worked remote, so he was living in Texas,
but every few months he would have to fly to Florida
to be there for work.
So that helped a little bit as well, okay?
So again, be open to long distance.
Again, if you are willing to relocate, if you can relocate.
And again, be open to being able to afford
to do that a little bit.
I know we like the men to kind of provide
and financially support, but you can't expect a man
to constantly front the travel bill.
Like you're gonna have to at some point
be able to help out a little bit.
So a lot of times my husband would pay for that stuff,
but there'd be times where I'd be like,
hey, let me use my points or something,
or let me go ahead and cover dinner one day,
or go to the grocery store and shop and make meals
or something so that he didn't have to constantly
be going out to eat and things like that
and spending more money.
Number nine is let them know if you wanna see them again.
So when you're dating and you go out on a first date
or you have a video call and you enjoyed yourself,
let them know.
Sometimes I think it happens where ladies come in
and they share about what a great date,
but then the guy hasn't asked for a second date.
And then when I asked him like, well, did you let them know?
Well, no, I just was waiting to see
if he wanted to do it again.
Well, if you had fun, let them know.
Put that out there.
I would love to do this again.
I had such a great time.
We should get together again sometime.
Maybe we can go bowling.
Like whatever it is, put it out there.
And then let them initiate that for a second date.
And then last, number 10 is it's a yes until it's a no.
You have to be willing to give grace to some of these men
that are a little clunky and awkward and weird sometimes
because they don't have mentors telling them how to do it.
So be willing to.
who say, okay, that might've been an awkward date.
Maybe he didn't talk very much.
Maybe he talked too much.
You know, maybe he didn't ask me enough questions.
Be willing to go out on a second date.
And again, ladies, communicate those types of things to men.
You know, if you find that a man is not asking you questions
just say, hey, I really enjoy it
when I'm getting to know someone
when they ask me some questions.
Like I would love to answer any questions that you may have.
I personally enjoy it when I get questions.
Like let them know.
Cause let me tell you, men can't read your mind.
I'm married and my husband most certainly
cannot read my mind.
Sometimes that causes friction.
And I'm like, oh, it's because I really didn't communicate
exactly what my thought was.
Like for example, even last night
he went to Costco with a friend that's staying with us
because he left for the hurricane and they went to Costco.
And I thought it was just gonna be a quick Costco trip
and back and then it was like three hours later
they weren't home.
I'm like, I didn't expect this to be a shopping spree
but I never told him like, hey, I want you to like
go out to Costco, but can you be home?
Because you know, we have some things
that we need to accomplish before we go to bed.
We're running a business and we need to navigate
our QuickBooks and I needed him to be present with me
but I didn't communicate that.
I didn't communicate, hey, yes, go to Costco
but I need you back so we can do that.
So communicate.
It even, communicate even with guys
that you're online dating because they cannot read your mind.
Cool?
Okay, we're gonna just take a breath.
We got through the online dating, okay.
How many of you are currently online dating?
Just raise your hands.
Hey, Ziggy is, perfect.
Emily is, I see, is it Merritt, Merritt,
I'm sorry, I cannot pronounce your name.
Marishka.
Marishka?
Marishka.
Marishka?
Absolutely perfect.
I love it, it's a very pretty name.
So you are online dating, Kylie is online dating, perfect.
Okay, hands down.
How many of you are,
absolutely like you do not wanna online date whatsoever?
Kylie, you raised your hand.
Okay, totally get it, I totally get it.
Awesome.
If you are not open to online dating, it is okay.
I do wanna encourage you,
what other ways can you be getting out?
Now that doesn't mean that you're getting out to date.
What ways are you getting out to get
in front of more people?
It could be even women, like building more friendships.
Because let me tell you ladies,
sometimes you can meet your spirit mate through girlfriends.
Okay, that's kinda how I met my husband,
was through one of my sisters here in this community.
I was living in Florida.
When she joined, she was in the Atlanta area
and then she became a travel nurse
and then she was in North Dakota and then moving to Missouri.
So she was one of my sisters in this community
and she's the one that was looking out
and saw somebody's profile and was like,
hey, what do you think of this person?
And I just had gotten to know her
through the years of being in this community.
I knew where she lived and anytime people came to Florida,
they knew I lived there so they would come and see me.
We would do little get togethers and stuff.
We stayed involved in each other's lives.
And so even if you're not online dating,
there's still ways of getting out there
and getting open to being active
and getting to know people, okay?
So just wanna throw that out there
because I know we're talking all about this online dating
but I also understand that some of you
may not be ready for that yet.
So there's some of you that are online dating,
some of you are like absolutely not.
I'm guessing the rest of you are just not online dating
but it's that you're possibly open to the idea.
Anybody just like, yep, okay, I see a thumbs up.
Okay, good, good, good.
All right.
Well, here in a little bit,
we can always take questions.
It's about all of that stuff.
But before we do, I'm going to go ahead and talk a little bit.
We're going to have some real talk.
Okay.
There's some situations that I'm seeing in our community that I think is probably
warranted to have these conversations.
So the first one, which we kind of talked about in online dating is, you know, the
yes until it's no, but then also the bless and blocks, all right, these
creepy inappropriate men.
All right.
I know I get it.
It makes me cringe.
I know there was someone in our community who just posted this in our app and she
shared.
And I mean, I was reading this and I'm like, how can men be so inappropriately
disgusting?
And it's frustrating.
I totally, totally get it.
It's valid.
It's valid to be upset and to feel like disheartened when you experience these
kinds of men.
So if, and when you do, there's ways that we can actually allow it not to
discourage us and to frustrate us to the point that we're like ready to throw in
the towel.
We're sitting here doubting whether or not we're, we're meant for marriage because
that will, that will happen when we start encountering men like that.
We're just thinking there's no good men out there, right?
Like you get some creepy sleazy guy, and then you're just kind of like, okay,
you just kind of lose you, you, you put what he's doing and you all of a sudden
just assume that all men are like that, right?
I mean, raise your hand.
Have you done that before?
I have for sure.
Nobody's ever like come across and creepy sleazy man.
And then been like men stink, right?
They're sleep, they're sleazy, gross and disgusting.
Right.
But there's a way of handling it.
You do not, ladies, this is when we bless and block them.
And when I say you bless them, it doesn't mean you need to tell them that you're
blessing them.
You, that's, that's at that moment when I say you bless them, that's when you take
that situation and what's happening, you know, that's being directed at you and you
go take that to the Lord.
And you just say, Lord, like, I know this is not what you have for me.
I know this is not from you.
I know that this is the work of the enemy.
I know that the enemy is sitting here trying to get me to be discouraged and to
think that men are sleazy and gross and that there's no good ones out there.
But Lord, I know that you are a good God.
You have good and perfect gifts for me.
I know you've called me to be in a relationship.
It's my heart's desire.
And I trust you with that.
So Lord, I'm going to bring this situation and this man to you, and I'm going to ask
for your protection over this man and any other men that may be, um, subjected to
that perverse spirit.
And you just say, Lord, I'm going to give that to you.
I trust you with this.
I think that I thank you for protecting me from a man like this and that I'm seeing
his true colors now so that I don't have to continue to engage with it.
Lord, I trust that you are going to handle this situation.
I trust that you're, you, he's, he's a child of yours and that you know how to
handle it, that I don't have to handle it myself.
And that's how you bless them.
And then you, but, and then you block them.
You don't tell them that you're blocking them.
You don't give them reasons.
You don't give them scripture.
You don't go searching about them.
You don't go like trying to dig in the dirt about them just to confirm how sleazy
they are.
Cause guess what?
They just showed you how sleazy they are.
I mean, if a guy is sitting here telling you and I like ladies, I'm, this is going
to sound very vulgar.
Okay.
If a guy is sitting there telling you how he's masturbating, you're like, well,
he's masturbating to you because he's, you know, looking at your picture.
That's that right there is enough to you're done.
You don't need to go search to see how, like, what has this man done in his past?
You just need to know that man is gross.
He's not honoring you as a woman.
He's not honoring the gift that you are.
He's being perverse.
And you just, again, you go to the Lord and you bless him that way.
And you cover yourself in prayer and you block, block, block, block, block,
blocking from the apps, blocking.
Like, again, I, I strongly suggest don't give out your phone numbers, but even if
you do, you can block people from your phone number.
Okay.
You can reject.
calls, all sorts of stuff.
Also, why I'm going to encourage you ladies,
do not be giving men your address
and don't be showing up at their address either.
And I say this because I've been there.
I thought it was chivalrous for a guy
that was gonna come pick me up at my house on a first date.
I met him out with some friends just in a group setting
and then we connected, got each other's phone numbers
and then he wanted to take me on a date
and he wanted to pick me up
and I gave him my address with my gate code.
He turned out to be really like creepy.
So ladies, just don't do it.
That's just one way for you to be safe, okay?
But again, I cannot stress enough
that if you find yourself
encountering some of these perverse men,
you don't have to continue to stay engaged in it.
That's when, like, yeah, we say it's a yes until it's a no,
that's when it's a no, all right?
If they're saying inappropriate things,
they wanna sit and like send or show penis pics
and want you to send them pictures,
you don't even have to give them a response.
It's a block immediately.
You don't have to tell them you're blocking them,
you don't have to sit there and say,
how gross is that?
You're a complete stranger and you wanna lick my body?
That's gross.
They know what they're doing.
They know it's perverse.
They're just seeing which women are gonna buy into it
and then some of them actually probably, believe it or not,
probably enjoy the fact that when women
fall them out for that
because that's how crazy they can be.
That's how perverse that can be.
So I just, again, I cannot stress enough,
like the bless and block,
and blessing does not mean you have to tell them
that you're blessing them.
Oh, well, you know, I'm saving myself for marriage,
so I appreciate, you know,
and I wish you the best of luck.
No, you don't even have to say that to them.
That point, they're being gross, you can block them, okay?
Sound good?
Good?
All right.
But again, remember, you are God-protected and defended
and anytime that those types of things wanna come your way,
like you do not have to, you don't have to pick it up.
All right?
And then last, I want to share about
in the Dating 101 video,
which most of you should have watched.
I know there's a couple of you that are brand new,
so you might not have gotten to that one yet.
In the Dating 101, Jackie talks about something
that I don't think we bring up enough,
but I think it's probably important to bring up,
is the situationships and the delusionships.
Raise your hand if you know what I'm talking about.
Situationships and delusionships.
Okay, got a couple of you.
So you probably have remembered that Dating 101.
So for those of you that don't know,
a situationships, these are relationships
that are not healthy and you don't let go of them.
So this can include like male friendships
that they're like always around.
So Jackie kind of talks about having that best male friend
or there's such a platonic relationship.
Maybe you've had a relationship with this male friend before
and it didn't work out,
but you're still like hanging out with them.
Maybe it's been somebody that you've dated in the past
and you guys have ended things,
but you haven't fully let go.
Like every now and then you kind of pop in.
That's a situationship.
And sometimes those kinds of things can get in our way
of our current dating as we're stepping into
dating now in phase two.
So if you have yourself a situationship,
pray, meditate, come to us, share it with us.
We will help you walk through
what to do in that situationship.
Then we also have what's called the delusionship, okay?
This is one that I think happens more frequently
than we probably think.
This is when, you know,
you've never had a relationship with someone,
but you kind of imagined or fantasize
or wanted a relationship with the person.
You maybe have obsessed about them
and about having a relationship.
relationship with them or wish you did and wish that they would acknowledge, you might
be thinking about this person more frequently.
You could be putting them on a pedestal.
You will typically know you are in a delusionship if you are disappointed when they are not
acting like they are in a relationship with you or acting and showing you the attention
that you're hoping that they'll give you.
You're always looking for confirmation about how they feel about you and then if they don't
feel a certain way about you, then you might find yourself disappointed and discouraged.
Or again, what happens is that you start stepping into online dating or dating in general and
you get to know a really great guy and you maybe been on one or two dates with them and
you start fantasizing what it would look like if y'all got into a serious relationship and
got engaged and met each other's families and got married and what your wedding would
look like.
Okay, ladies, I say this because I did it.
I did it for so many years.
And then when those relationships or those situations, okay, because they really weren't
relationships when these situations didn't turn out the way that I was hoping they would,
I was crushed and so hung up on the fantasy that I couldn't really step into anything
else new.
And so when I went through this program, I really had to do some work on breaking kind
of those soul ties of those fantasies that I had envisioned what it was supposed to look
like.
So some of you might be in that I think there's probably a few people I don't know about maybe
here right now, but in maybe in replay, I don't know if this is speaking to someone
where this may be happening because ladies, I do see this time and time again in the phase
when women share about their discouragement and their disappointment because things didn't
work out with a person that they really enjoyed like getting to know.
It's because you found yourself into fantasizing about it and you can be sad.
But when you allow that sadness just to continue for weeks and weeks and weeks and months and
months and months, that's when we've got to acknowledge that and we got to help you break
that soul tie to that fantasy or what it is that you were hoping for.
Because now we're sitting here trying to write our own love story, not let not let God write
our love story.
Yeah.
So yes, Mickey.
So yeah, you were hopeful probably of someone at work, you know, he's probably a really
great guy, maybe very generous and nice.
And then you know, yeah, if you see them out with their family at a restaurant, I can only
imagine like, how like, disheartening that can be where you're like, Oh, is it ever going
to happen for me?
I mean, I like ladies, I say this because I did this.
You know, yeah, it's it can get sad.
And then that's when the enemy wants to come in and start speaking lies to us that we're
not worth having that kind of relationship that oh, they don't that you know, other people
get to have that relationship and not us and those are just the those are lies from the
pit of hell.
And that's why those little fantasies and stuff can be like, they seem harmless in the
moment.
But if we don't take hold of those, and we don't recognize when we're doing that, it
can spiral into some of the more drama, trauma, whatever, okay.
Teresa, do you have your hand raised for a question?
Or are you just agreeing that you you've been there?
Okay.
All right, ladies, before I send you out to breakout rooms, how many of you have questions
for coaching?
Like you want to you want to share something you have questions about and things?
I just want to get an idea of how many questions we have.
Okay, so he's got one, I think Kylie Alexis.
Okay.
Perfect.
Well, I really want to be mindful of everybody's time.
And I know we're coming up on an hour.
So why don't we do this?
Since there's so few of us on, I think there's only 10 of us, nine of you plus myself.
Let's go ahead and just open the floor up for questions so that we have enough time.
And then at the end.
If some of you want to do a breakout
and get to know some of your sisters,
I will allow time to do that.
Cool, okay, Mickey's got the heart, perfect, awesome.
Okay, go ahead and raise your avatar hands
if you have a question for me,
and we'll get those started.
Okay, I got three of you.
Was there anybody else?
I thought there was one other person.
Okay, all right, Ziggy, I'm gonna take yours,
and then Kylie, and then Alexis.
And then if any of you others,
maybe you have one in your head
and you're maybe a little shy,
you're not sure you wanna ask, which is fine.
I'm gonna ask that, you know, take some time,
think about it, know that this is a safe place.
It's just the sisters here.
The only people that watch and replay
are your sisters in phase two.
All right, Ziggy, what do you have for us?
How are you doing?
Doing all right, I was so sick.
I'm still a little sick, but I'm getting there, so.
Did you have a date?
Didn't you have some dates set up,
but then you had to cancel?
Yeah, were you able to reschedule those?
I'm sure we will, but I'm not better yet, but.
Okay, well, we're gonna pray for some healing for you.
All right, what's your question?
Well, I actually have a couple.
One goes into that,
but one goes into what you were talking about,
the blessed block.
I have a hard time with that.
I know you say, you know, you don't need to explain them,
you don't need to say goodbye or bless them,
or, I mean, I bless them for myself,
and I just had this situation last night,
and I have a hard time with just blocking them
without explaining myself.
So I guess there's a coaching issue.
There's something, some fear or something.
There was this guy, I'm new on salt,
and he contacted me, even though I had seen him
and I did not like him, he sent me an intro.
So I'm like, well, okay, I might as well talk to him.
And he was manipulative, he was sexist,
and he was full of himself.
He was this doctor, he has a Porsche,
and I just brought in some questions about faith,
and he's like, oh, that's very private.
When did you have your last date?
And I'm like, well, that's very private.
You know, I kind of went with his games,
and he was really, he was just, I didn't like him.
He was full of himself, and I went to bed,
and I was like, how do I get out of this?
And it really stuck with me all night.
I'm like, why, why is it so difficult?
I mean, I didn't ask for this.
I can just, you know, I can just block him,
but I did not see that option.
And in the morning, he had blocked me
because I didn't fall into his sexist, whatever, you know.
I was not being manipulated by him.
And it really hurt me.
I'm like, what an ass.
You know, I'm like, all day, I'm like,
okay, God, I forgive him.
He's just, you know, he has problems.
I wasn't even hitting him,
and I was going through this forgiveness process,
but I'm mad.
And I'm like, why does it trigger me that much?
Why?
So yeah, this is a complete stranger,
yet something that he's doing is upsetting you.
Has there been a time in your past
where you have noticed that that has happened to you,
and maybe it's something that you are responding to,
something that's happened in your past?
Because that has happened to me.
So, for example,
I struggled with men that liked younger women.
But the reason I had that issue
was because my son's father left me
for someone who was 12 years younger than me.
So when men started talking about age,
and like, oh, I date younger women,
it just would fuel me.
So I had to really go to God and be like, what?
And I didn't know it then,
obviously when guys would do this,
I'd just be like, oh, you're disgusting.
You only want a piece of eye candy.
I mean, I had that whole, like, you're gross.
And so I had to really take it to God and be like,
God's like, where does this come from?
Why am I getting so amped up on somebody
that I don't even know?
They're a complete stranger,
but I'm letting this complete stranger disrupt my peace.
Where does this come from?
Yeah.
So I had to kind of sit with the Lord
and process through that.
And that's when I came to the conclusion,
I was still hurting.
from being left by my son's dad for someone who was 12 years younger than
me and I had to really practice forgiveness on that and here's the
thing ladies is sometimes like the forgiveness we release it but then
sometimes we want to pull it back and so sometimes it's that forgiving it's
constant like sometimes we have to acknowledge like oh I took that back I
need to release that back to you so that's why I ask is there something
about his personality whether it's a doctor whether you mentioned him being a
doctor and a Porsche and all this like it sounds like maybe materialistic stuff
is there some hurt from the past that's tied in with that I and I don't know I'm
just trying to start generating some thoughts and some questions in your head
that can get you start processing what about maybe it's a manipulative
personality has there been people in your past that have been close to you
that have manipulated you and it caused you hurt and pain and maybe that is
where you need to take some of your forgiveness those are just all questions
to be asking because yeah like I I totally get it like when guys are like
that that's annoying and I'm I struggle with this being very justice minded like
I want people to know that they did wrong like I mean I it's a it's a
struggle with me so like if you're like me it's not just as easy as like okay I'm
a blessing block him and it not like stir something up in me but I do have to
recognize if it's causing me to lose sleep if it's causing me to be irritable
with other people if it's because if it's starting to disrupt my peace and
how I interact with even other people then I really do have to like at that
point I have to take some accountability like I have to take some ownership I'm
like I'm allowing this person to manipulate because now at that point he
did manipulate you at some point to get you to start thinking and obsessing like
how you know and and it's disrupted you and so that's what it's like okay you
know I'm gonna own it but God I'm gonna give it to you I don't need and then go
find like what helps me is going and being active going and finding something
else to do something to preoccupy my time or my mind with to where I'm not
having to think about that so those are ways to like even when we're like but I
want to tell them why like they're a jerk because I am I'm one of those
people that I'm like even when I'm driving y'all think I'm like how dare
you cut me off you're not driving correctly like I'm like ready to get out
of the car and like tell everybody like you are a dangerous driver because you're
you're cutting people off and I don't like that really does it like what's it
gonna do I hope that helps because again I and I say it because I relate I get it
like I'm one of those people it's like so hard so hard but I will tell you
there is so much freedom when we don't allow that to kind of control us as well
and it really is like yeah I'm ready to block you but I like again those type of
people like yeah again allow that to you utilize that as an opportunity to ask
the Lord to say okay with this situation is there an opportunity for me to grow
into my best self what can you highlight to me out of this situation with this
you know jerk and how can I grow into a better version of myself and using those
opportunities just to continue to allow yourself to grow the help I know you
said you had another question I'm going to take Kylie and Alexis and then we can
come back to a second question okay yeah all right Kylie so my question was
actually on like the how you talked about delusionships and fantasy I am so
bad at doing this I do it in like not even dating like I'll be like what would
I do if I won a million dollars and then I like plan my life out like I've won a
million dollars um so specifically I did this with like my guy friend that I had
this conversation with and now we're not going to be like anything so when you
said like you break the soul tie to that do you just go through the soul type
prayer and then find a like stand on that after cuz I'm I'm like it's such
second nature
to me to like do to like do that and now I'm almost disheartened um uh like maybe just not
disheartened like discouraged in dating because I'm like no one is like as good as like our
connection was and so like yeah I just want to throw in the towel so I was curious how to break
it and then how to like maintain not falling back into it because we are friends and I've kind of
like that's going to be a whole other navigating situation so yeah I like my first thing would be
like again that soul tie what has helped me in the past is when I take myself through that prayer
I usually am finding myself in a in a place with the lord so I don't know if you've ever walked
through um the process where you kind of sit and you find a place and a lot of people have like
different places so like for example for me a lot of times I find myself on a beach near water
with sunshine and cool breeze and palm trees and blues and greens like that's typically my space
and so that's typically where I go when I meet with the lord
and in those in those spaces when I'm sitting there and I'm like closing my eyes and I'm going
through this process I typically ask ask for like I find an object that I can hand over
like I can give like something that might tie in with what I'm needing to release to him so there's
always something that comes to my mind that I need to like hand over and physically give to the lord
and then I always ask the lord to give me something back
and so a lot of times when I find myself in the situation where I want to go back to that
I remember nope I already handed that and I'm getting goosebumps even just saying this I handed
that already over to god and I remember then I pull out of what I have what he gave me and I
hold on to that so when you say something like physical like is it just for example I'm holding
this it's just like symbolizing something that symbolizes okay sometimes like so I mean a few
things that come to mind like there was one time like I actually have this object it's a rock that's
shaped as a heart so that's been one that has been given back to me and I'm like oh and I actually
physically have it or just again yeah something that I need to give over like I walked through
this process even with my daughter before she physically had to give away something it was like
a stocking that was kind of tied to her past that was causing a lot of angst and stuff so it was this
Christmas stocking and so I literally like so I walked her through this whole process and he pulled
out this stocking and she's like I need to get rid of this and so I was like okay let's go throw it
in the garbage and like we shredded that that stocking even so that was something that we did
and so when I walked her through that then you know she she stepped through there was some some
attacks and things like that and and you know god like at that point god was even speaking through
me to her and god gave her a sword and I was like and I started walking her through visualizing it
because I didn't know what it looked like I just knew god told me I'm giving her a sword I'm giving
her a sword to fight this giving like so that was just again like she was she was trying to um attack
the enemy the enemy was trying to attack her and I was like well you got the sword you know you're
going to attack it with the word of god and we're going to and god's given this to you
so and those types of such like that can be something that you can do um but I mean I relate
to you Kylie like I used to do that same thing too I still like I'm always like man I play the lottery
like I do that too like what would my life look like but what happens is if we're not careful
where then we start we we think about what life could be like that we think that's perfection
that we neglect to think about the blessing that's currently in our life
yeah and we live in this fantasy world instead of living in the gratitude and the appreciation
of what's happening in our life and what god is bringing and blessing us currently
mm-hmm yeah I feel that yeah yeah go through go through the soul type thing and again because
that's what's happening you're saying that now it's allowing you to be discouraged
oh yeah yeah we're going comparable
right? Because I was like, we had good energy. And I'm, I'm
like not having good energy with very little people on the dating
app right now. So
just know like, and I say this because I'm on the other side of
it. And so I get that it's easier for me to say it because
I've experienced it. Because when people used to say this to
me when I was single, it was like, Yeah, yeah, I know. I know
that. I know that. But you don't, you're not experiencing
it, it is harder. But I will say, when, when you meet your
spirit mate, and you meet your husband, it will make sense. It
will make sense of why none of those other people were it.
Yeah.
And why you waited for this one. And it's, it's, and again,
especially when it's who God has for you, it really is a
blessing. And it doesn't mean that that person, you're not
going to go through hard things with like, I'm married, and
I've been married for now a year. And we go through we're
in, we're in a season of very hard times, you know, but we
also stand on the fact that we know God brought us together,
there was a lot of confirmation that God brought us together.
And I could sit here and like fantasize about, Oh, well,
there was this other guy that I dated and did it. No, like, if I
sat in the fantasy of instead of just in like, No, yeah, this is
a struggle right now. But I know there's a purpose for it. And
God brought it. So if you can just hang on to the fact that
yeah, there's a struggle right now in this dating process, but
know that God's got something on the other side of it. And
there's like, because again, Jackie always says, with like,
when God gives you a promise, there's also a process that goes
with it. Yeah. And so just hanging on to that. And here's
the thing. How long have you known this friend of yours?
Actually, we met on a dating app. And then we just became
like, good friends, because we just talked so. Yeah.
How long have you been here? Okay. So it's taken you a year
to build a friendship with this person. So when you're going out
with guys on a one or two dates? Yeah, of course, you're not
going to have that same connection. Because you've known
that guy for a year.
I think it's because me and the guy had like instant connection.
Like it was like, you know, when you like your energies match
right away. I like that I can't find on the dating app. So I'm
like, it's not about that. It's probably good that we don't have
the energy because that's what brought in like, daydreaming or
fantasizing because I'm like, Oh, we have energy. We vibe
good. Yes. And like to pace it slower. But that's where I kind
of I'm like, I need to just drop the comparison and like, be okay
that that's the closed door.
Are you can I ask you, are you still having communication with
this guy?
Yeah.
We don't we actually like, we don't live near each other. So
it's just like kind of talking and I would say the
communication is more so like not like a deep conversation
communication. It's just like a real here and there.
Is it causing you to continue to stay attached?
I don't know. I actually have to sit in that.
I was gonna say, I want to ask that you kind of go sit with the
Lord with that one and really kind of sit with it. And you
know what, maybe even allow yourself, you know, time to
maybe just kind of disconnect and see if it changes your
perspective. Yeah, not saying completely. I mean, not that
has to be completely cut off. I don't want you to sit here and
think that I'm going to, you know, force you to do something
you're ready to do. But it's a, it's a possibility. Yeah,
allowing yourself say, Hey, I'm gonna give myself six weeks, and
I'm not gonna have contact with this person, you can just and
you can let them know, like, hey, you know, I'm, I'm kind of,
you know, actively trying to date and, and get to know, you
know, guys, and it's, I really need to focus on that. So I'm
gonna have to pump the brakes on us communicating for a little
while. And yeah, when I'm ready, I'll reach back out.
Yeah. And then see, and see if that that kind of helps.
Yeah, I guess like the drama in that is we have a trip booked
with a group of friends together in February.
Okay, well, that's like, what, four, five months away. Right?
Three months. Well, it's when in February.
First week, I think like, I think
like three and a half months, because it's the middle of
October, November, December, January.
You're yeah, you're looking at about three and a half months.
Yeah, time. Yeah.
And then maybe you'll be dating somebody by then. And then you
can share about this amazing guy that you're dating.
I know my friends are like, that's gonna be such an awkward
trip. And I'm like, it's all about your perspective around
the trip. I said, it doesn't have to be. Yeah, don't don't
align with that. It doesn't have to be awkward. It really
doesn't. You know, like, it doesn't have to be awkward.
Yeah, that's what I said. I'm like, I'm not gonna have to hang
out with him the whole time. I'm like, there's other people
there. I can go do my own thing. It's not like, but it's just
like breaking that attachment. Like you said, where that to me
I get healthy. I think it might be even like a soul tie. Yeah,
could be. Yeah. Yeah. Because again, ladies, soul ties don't
have to be sexual. I know that Jackie shares that in the
dating 101. Like it's not soul ties are not always sexual. I
mean, people can have soul ties to their their parents, they can
have, you know, soul ties to their kids. Like I had to break
soul ties to my youngest son, because I went through a
traumatic experience with, with him being pregnant with him and
his dad leaving me and then the attachment that I had with that.
And I saw that that wasn't becoming healthy. And so I had
to kind of break that soul tie there. And obviously, like I
can break, you can break soul ties and still have people in
your life. Like, obviously, like, my son is, you know, my
son, but there, you know, it doesn't always have to be a
sexual thing. It can be platonic as well. Okay. All right,
Alexis, I'm gonna take your Kylie. Was that all that you
had? Yeah. Are you gonna mention the spirit mate thing
that's happening tonight? Later? I do like I am curious what it
is. I like I just found out about it. I happened to stumble
upon it because I was reaching out to Ebony and I was like,
Wait a second, hold on. There's something else on the calendar.
So I like it slipped my mind. So I it's spirit mate match is
phase two is invited. So it is the same time that we would
typically have our check in. So Ebony is not doing a coaching
call tonight, at eight o'clock Eastern. So instead, you all are
being invited with the rest of I'm thinking phase three
community to do this spirit mate match events. Bethany is
supposed to and I don't know if she's done that already. She
actually might have. She did. Let me see if I can pull it up. So
yeah, it's a sneak peek for spirit mate match. It's a
dating game. So this looks fun. So yeah, that's, that's what
that is. It's just it's a dating game. So now I know in the past
like being an OG, we did dating games and there was some guys on
there and it was like we didn't know who they were. Hey, Alexis,
what's your question real quick? And then I if you want, I'll
answer it and then you can watch it in replay. Will that help?
Yeah, that's fine. Being serious or long or anything, but I'm
dating apps, but I do go out and about often. And sometimes I will
run into a man that will make eye contact. And then we might
run into each other again, a smile, another eye contact. And
then that's it. Nothing ever happens of it. And I'm just
wondering, is that one of those things where I should leave it
in his hand to start a conversation?
This is when you drop the hanky.
This what?
This is when you drop the hanky. Okay, so this is when you can
initiate. Okay. That's where it's like, you can go over be
like, hey, like, oh, that's a really nice shirt that you have
on like, you know, where do you like to shop? I mean, anything
like any sort of like, put yourself in front of them. Start
making small talk. Like, you know, drop a hanky that, hey,
you know, we should get together sometime. Here's my number. Like
ladies, you all can do that. All right. I know a lot of times
like women say, Oh, I want to be pursued. I want the men to do
that. Sometimes men need a little nudge. Like so we talked
about dropping the hanky. This happened. I remember when Jackie
brought this to us years ago. It was when like Bridgerton was a
thing. Thank any of you watch Bridgerton. Ladies, I
got my husband watching that show. All right. So it's like
back in this old old time where you know, this like they're like
in high in society. And so what women would do when they're out
like, rolling around the park or whatever, when they would walk
by a gentleman that they were interested in now a lot of them
kind of knew who's who women would drop their handkerchiefs
right next to the man because it was the gentleman thing to do to
then go pick it up and hand it and then that's when there's
connection. That's when there's communication. So a woman would
just kind of show Oh, I would like you to talk to me. She
drops that hanky, the man picks it up, hands it to her. And then
interaction can happen. So sometimes we have to drop that
hanky to say, Hey, like, let's talk. Here's my number. Let's
get together like get to know a little bit about them. So let
let some of that flirtation kind of happen. So does that help?
Yes, thank you so much.
And we'll pray for some boldness because I know for some of us
ladies, that's a little like, I have to do what?
Me, it you know, and here's the thing is if you say something
and it doesn't go well, like, I mean, are you really going to
continue to keep seeing them over and over again? Not always.
I mean, if anything, I think most men will find it
attractive, that a woman is bold and willing to kind of put
herself out there. I don't really know many men that would
not find that attractive.
Okay.
Okay, well, go pick up your kids. Okay.
All right. Anybody else have questions? I know Ziggy, you
said you had another one. Anybody else?
I have a question. I'm sorry. Yes. Um, for the event tonight?
Is it just a preview? I just wonder should we look cute?
Um, yes. So I would say always look cute. When it's like, not
I mean, obviously on here like y'all like I my hair is pretty
nasty. Um, but any of those events like matchmaking sort of
events? Yes, definitely come like dressed. I mean, and when I
say that it's sometimes it's all about your lighting. It's I
mean, right now, like I just have I've pencil on like my
eyebrow pencil. I don't have any other makeup. Now. I would
probably not I would probably put on like a lip and a little
bit of eye stuff. My hair as much as it's not like it's a
little bit greasy. I don't think it looks terrible that I could
probably work it with maybe like a cute pair of earrings and a
nicer like blouse or something. But sometimes it has to do with
like your lighting. Now I want to be wearing like, you know,
like, I'm just wearing a t shirt right now. Like I wouldn't
wear a t shirt to this. I won't wear like sweatshirts. I know
so many girls are wearing sweatshirts. Obviously don't
wear that for tonight. But look, I get it like I'm a t
shirt and jeans girl. Like that's just me. I typically wear
minimal makeup. So you know, if you're if you're like me and
don't put on a lot of like makeup, then that's fine. Like,
but again, like I, I've been out at baseball games every weekend.
So I kind of have some sun. So a lot of times I don't need a lot
of makeup. But um, when I when I'm sunkissed, but other times
I do, it's like my lighting right now is I have natural
light. So I'm in my living room. And I have the light on the
other side. So my windows are over there. So then it's like
shining on me. So if you have if you don't have windows that are
if it's going to be late tonight, so probably won't have
natural light. If you can have most of your lighting on the
other side of you. So it's lighting up your face. That
always helps. So yeah, I would imagine with it being a
matchmaking thing, it's going to include the men as well. So
come camera ready. Okay, I just want to know just to get the
mindset and make sure I look yeah, planning like I got I got
to make it was so good to see you. So good to see you. Thank
you. So yeah, ladies, if you have to jump off, there's there's
no you by all means, like I think we got most of our
questions. I got Emily and Siggy's got one more question.
So I'll stay on to answer those. Obviously, this is going to be
in replay. So you're more than welcome to watch. And if you
have to leave, you can always like fast forward.
to this last part that you've missed too. Emily, what's your question?
Hi, Carla. I guess this is a housekeeping question, but I noticed somebody wrote in the
weekly updates that they noticed that Jackie was in Reading and had a speaking event
and she didn't know about it. And I'm in Reading too, and I'm like, oh, I had no idea.
So is there like an events tab somewhere? Like, I don't want to miss if Jackie's in town.
Yeah. So she does try to put out, I mean, in advance, like when she's going to be at places.
I know life has been a little hectic for her because her daughter got married
and then she had the trip with her family. So, and then there's currently some scheduling
conflicts that I know of. So we are, the team is working on putting together that scheduled
events tab. And as soon as they get that, we'll get that out. Cause I know there was even like
a New York city one that trying to figure out scheduling wise, if and when that actually
happened. So the best thing I can say is like, we will always post in the group when we are
updated on that information and emails too. So most of you should have like, as long as your
emails are updated, which they should be if you're on the app, because you would have needed
your email in order to get signed up on the app. Yeah. Things will go out that way as well.
Cool. But I totally get it. Another thing that I can, can emphasize is do you follow her on social
media? I don't use social media. Okay. Cause I know she's pretty good about keeping things up
to date on her social media accounts as well, but when she's speaking at places.
Like I'll check her Insta cause it's so cute. I love the pictures. I know.
But I don't see anything on there about like, Oh, I'm coming to wherever anything about events.
Yeah. I would just keep, if you can keep up on her Insta, just that, I mean, I think,
I don't think she posts events on there. I'm trying to think. Okay. Well, I mean, I'm,
I'm probably more on Facebook than I am Insta that probably shows my age a lot more.
But I do feel like on her Facebook. Yeah. Yeah. But if you guys are putting it on the app,
then I'll see it eventually. Yeah, exactly. And so that's something that, yeah, like I know we
had events that were set up for trips and stuff like that of areas that she was going to be,
and then things got changed. So we had to take that down and we're just trying to revamp the
schedule for the rest of this year. And then looking at our calendar for 2025 as well.
Okay. And then if we go to the thing tonight and do a speed dating session,
can we count those towards our challenge, our seven day challenge?
I don't know if this is going to be considered like a speed date thing. I'm not
100% sure, but if you find yourself like, yeah, I mean, I would say count this as one,
but then let's, let's still try to get you in some face to face video dates as well.
I'm five out of seven in. Oh, well then you're good girl.
Like this could knock it out real fast. I took forever with mine. You know, I was like,
where can I pull a date from? But, um, no, you're good. You're totally good.
Cause remember ladies, the seven day challenge, I know. Okay. There's only a couple of you left
on here, but if anybody's watching this replay, remember there is really no like extensive
timeframe for that seven day challenge. I would like you, you don't have to complete seven dates
in phase two before you go to phase three, most people are not going to get their seven date
by staying in phase two for four to five weeks. Like it's going to take you probably about three
to four months to get those seven dates. So there's no rush, no rush on the seven dates
like that. Okay. All right. Um, Ziggy, what was your last question?
Well, you mentioned if I can reschedule those two dates. Yeah. It's actually those guys. Um,
one of them I've met in real life that was before I started to program and he really
waited and it took me three months for, to get through phase one and he waited and he wanted to
meet up again. And, um, and the other one was the one I had a half hour, um, um, video call the,
so the first date that comes to the challenge and both of them are writing me like every day now,
and Hey, we can do this. We can do that this weekend. And it feels like, um,
you know, if you, if somebody writes you all day long and you stay in a conversation,
there's some closeness, you know, that, that, that develops there.
there too. And I've never been a person that started dating
parallel, you know, I, because I'm a deep diver. And that's, I
want to get away from that going too quickly too deep with the
person. And, but this, this is, I don't know if this is good or
not to be in so much contact with them.
Well, I think the best way to do that. So I mean, if I mean, are
you like messaging all day long with them? Or is it just like a
quick message each day?
Well, they were asking how I'm doing, if I'm still sick. And so
that was really nice. So it was maybe a couple to three a day.
And then one of them just called me out of the blue on Monday
without video. And we had a long phone conversation that was
actually really nice. And he's like, yeah, let's definitely do
that again. This morning, he sent, then he texted me
goodnight. And this morning, he sent me a picture and what what
he's planning for the day. And if I have time later to chat,
and, and I just told him what my plan was. And I feel like he's
waiting now to let him know if I have time or not. And I don't
know if it's good to
I don't think it's, I don't think it's not not good. I think
it's, it's okay. I will probably encourage that we do try to have
you start meeting them. I mean, are they both local?
No, this guy is not local.
The one that Okay, but is the other one is local?
Yeah, the one is local, but I think he's moving away. That's
what we were. Yeah.
Yeah, I would say if there's ways that you can get more face
to face. And then, as you're, I would say, like, you know, two
or three dates in, you know, by then just having that
conversation of, you know, you live far, like, what would this
look like if we, you know, continue to kind of get to know
each other more if, you know, I want to date more in real life,
but with us being far away, like, how does that? How would
that look for you and see there? I mean, I would just encourage
again, just continue to keep getting to know them. I know
there's probably some discomfort. Is it because you
have two guys at the same time?
Yeah. And then I'm also chatting with this guy last night, the
creepy guy. And there's, I feel like we're, yeah, we're blocking
that creepy guy.
Well, and what do you if you want to do since you've got two
guys right now, if you want to press pause on online dating
doesn't mean that you have to like deactivate. You're just not
checking your online dating right now because you got two
guys that you it sounds like they're really nice guys that
you probably want to get to know a little more about to see is
this potential? Could it continue to progress into
dating more being able to see them face to face? And what that
looks like? Because again, if this local guy looks like he's
moving away, then having to have a real conversation, I wouldn't
say have that conversation if you haven't had at least two or
three dates. But you definitely want to get to that point at
some point and see you know how that transpires. And then this
other guy that isn't local is are I mean, is he willing to
relocate? Are you willing to relocate but again, you haven't
even had a face to face meeting. So you don't really want to like
you don't want to push yourself to so far ahead. It's just
staying the course and working the process. So but I would say
if you want to press pause on engaging with other guys on the
app while you're navigating these two, I think that would be
a good healthy pacing. And yeah, just do your best to find time
to get in front of them face to face. So if it's video or if
it's in person.
Yeah, even though I don't feel like either is my spirit mate.
It's I'm learning a lot because
well, why do you think they're not your spirit mate?
Good question.
How many and you've been on one date with each of them? I mean,
we'll count video date as a date to
the local guy we've met a couple times before this program.
Why is local guy not a spirit mate potential?
I mean, just some thoughts. He's he's much younger. He has two
children from two wives. He's probably moving to he's from
another culture. He's probably moving to New Zealand. So not
just to another city.
Yeah, I mean, I think he's he's he's he's he's he's he's he's
So he's okay, hold on. He's got two kids from two different former wives. Are they in New
Zealand? No, they're in Germany. And where are you? Where are the two of you? I'm in
Germany. I'm in Germany. So wait, he's in Germany, and you're in Germany. His kids are
in Germany, and he wants to move to New Zealand. That's what I want to hear the story. Yeah,
I would probably like you said you've gone out on a couple dates with him. Yeah. Okay.
I say I would say by now, like, okay, you can say, Hey, um, you know, tell me more about
this, this decision to move to New Zealand. Like, how did that come about? Like, how did
that like, what's your reasoning for going? Like, just get a little bit more information,
you know, ask him. I mean, it doesn't have to be deep, like, you don't have to ask detailed
questions. But you can ask him to give you more information about. So why New Zealand? What? Why?
Why did that come about? And then if he starts talking about me, like, okay, so how does that?
How does that? How do you navigate that with your kids? Does he? Do you know if he sees his kids?
I'm not sure. Yeah. Those, those for me, for me personally, like I would, I would want to
know more about that. Because I was I mean, my situation, I was a single mom. I'm all about
family. Those are things that are important to me. So I knew I wanted to be with a spirit mate
that valued those things as well. But I will also say, in for men's situation, sometimes,
women make it very hard for for fathers to be part of their kids lives. So I wouldn't say like,
completely axe him because of that. Because again, we don't know the situation we don't know. And we
shouldn't probably know this early in the game of what that looks like. But those would be things
that I would want to know a little bit more about before I got fully involved in a romantic
relationship. So I think, you know, just going to the Lord, praying for God to highlight certain
things to you. Having those conversations with them, again, they don't have to be deep dive
conversations, it can just be like, tell me more about your your wanting to move to New Zealand,
like, has that something that you've always wanted to do? Why now? How would that? How
would that show up in your life, especially with your kids? Like, I mean, does he talk about his
kids? A little bit, not not too much, not too much. Do you have children? Do you want children?
Um, I don't have children. And I'm through menopause. Okay, good luck. Are you? Do you
would you be open to having being a bonus mom? Sure. Definitely. Okay. I mean, I'm just asking
because again, like, if you're like, Yeah, no, I don't know about this, then that wouldn't be more
or less your answer. You know, sort of thing. So yeah, I think with that guy, just find out a little
bit more information, get to know him a little bit more. With this other guy that isn't local,
again, continue to try to get more video calls with him, get to know him more.
When you are long distance, it does kind of speed up a bit of a process because you do
need to kind of know early on whether or not relocating is a possibility. Whether it's you
that relocates or it's him. But again, you don't have to be like, so if this works out,
like which one of us is moving, like, just that early on, but um, you know, you can even express
like, Look, I want to be able to date in real life. And I'm open to dating long distance with
the idea that I can be the person frequently. And then if things work out, you know, knowing that
I can relocate or hoping that they would relocate here, you can have those kinds of honest
conversations. Because it's reality, like you are getting to know someone that lives long distance,
it's not a secret that he doesn't live close to you, he's aware of it. So trying to navigate that
as well. I think with him, your question was, why do I not think he is the spirit mate with him?
I was positively surprised with the first date and, and also the call on Monday,
but I still feel like he would be a spiritual child to me.
in where he's at spiritually. And I don't know if I can handle or if I want that in a partner.
Yeah. Well, what do you mean by that? I mean, because again, we always talk about it's not
about where they are, it's about where they're going. That sometimes there's some people that
yeah, they may be new believers, but they have such a hunger for the Lord that you'd be surprised
that they can still do that. And I will say just even my husband and I like,
there are certain spiritual gifts that he has and certain spiritual gifts that I have. And we kind
of complement each other in that sense as well. So it doesn't mean that just because there may be
a newer, is he a newer believer? He was in the world for many, many years and just returned to
God half a year ago. And he picked a denomination that I got out of with a lot of pain. It's very
legalistic. And that's his place there right now. And the stories he tells me that they trigger me.
And then I get quiet because I don't want to judge his way with God. And he asked me about
him like, you know, this is just what I went through. And for you, it may be different,
but I feel like it's not. Yeah, I can see where that might be.
Absolutely. You know, is it possible that this person has come into your life to kind of help
heal wounds in you that if you've been in a church that was legalistic and there was some
hurt there, that it could be a way for you to kind of, you know, be present with understanding
like, okay, this is, this is coming to surface because this is something that needs to get healed
that you can continue to move forward. So maybe it isn't, you know, again,
I always encourage when you ladies are out there dating is to always look at every single one of
your situations as an opportunity to grow and learn and heal. And you know, what is God trying
to bring to surface with this person? Because that can definitely happen. But sometimes it
doesn't mean that the person is like, you know, it doesn't have to be a spirit mate,
it could be a spirit mate could not, it doesn't have to be a positive experience or a negative
experience that sometimes God just can use people to kind of bring certain things to surface
that could bring you more healing. So those are just some things to kind of pray about,
think about, go to the Lord about and see what's being what's being highlighted.
And then trust, trust your decision making. Trust that when you are in communication with the Lord,
like, you ladies are strong and empowered enough to make choices when you're partnering with God,
because I will tell you, even when we don't make, like, I've made decisions where I've been very
uncertain, but I've asked the Lord to partner with me and like, look, God, I don't know if I'm
making the right decision. But I trust that you care about me enough that if I didn't make the
wrong decision, you're going to highlight that I made the wrong decision. And you're going to steer
me back to where I need to be. Or I'm going to make this decision. And if it's the right decision,
you're going to show me that it's the right decision, you're going to continue to keep
showing me that. So just ladies, I want you to know that you can trust yourself and in your
decisions, especially when you're partnering with God. He's not going to steer you wrong.
Okay. I always look at it as like, I don't know about you all, but I use GPS all the time.
Like even in my hometown, even like where I live now, I'm always using GPS because if I need to
make a different turn or, and then if I make a wrong turn, guess what? Even when I make a wrong
turn, what happens on GPS? If you've put a location in and you make the wrong turn, guess
what? It recalibrates your navigation system to get you back on track. Like God can do that. God
can, you know, Hey, you made a wrong turn. I'm going to, I'm going to bring you back over here.
It's all about partnership. All right. Thank you. You are welcome. Well, ladies, we've been here
now for an hour and 45 minutes. So I'm going to go ahead and release you ladies that are still
here with me. Unless there's anybody else that has this like burning question that they need
answered. I'm here for you. I mean, good. All right, ladies. Well, I just, I'm blessing you
blessing you. So Lord heaven, heavenly father, I thank you for these women. I thank you for the
women that are here with us. Now, the women that were here with us earlier and the women that are
here are going to be watching and replay. And I just thank you for them. And Lord, I just.
ask that you just bless them and that you just comfort them
and show them that you are their protector, their provider,
that you have good gifts for them, Lord,
that they can trust you.
And because they can trust you,
they can trust themselves as well.
And so Heavenly Father, I just thank you
for all the gifts that you give us
in your son's name, amen.
All right, ladies, have a fabulous rest of your week.
Go to the event tonight if you can make it
and I will see you again here next week, okay?
All right, love you, ladies.
Thank you, bye.
Bye-bye.