she already knows tell on him
you guys he's he's on his way home he was uh at a a charity for single moms golf tournament thing
so here he's cool yeah the single moms weren't there it was just a charity it was just a
charity a charity to raise money for them let me be clear there okay please explain this
i'm like um well okay
all right so i saw that there are two links one for 1 a.m and 1 p.m one for now what happened
to the 1 p.m one i don't know but we're all here and praise the lord okay that is the announcement
my husband forgot to make last time is that we are going to start we are being recorded right
now right yeah we are going to start having the guys mondays you'll have a noon central one eastern
i guess that would be 10 pacific a.m so 10 a.m noon one eastern um offering of this and then
this regular time of five seven and eight um why is that because we have men joining us from
overseas and um and you know maybe you guys have like some interesting you know work schedules
where you're not available at night but maybe you're available during the day but anyways want
to give more options so um yeah so jump on starting next monday we will be having that
that other those other time slots available to you cool all right you guys back in the day
before back many many moons ago i think ty might be the only person that was in the program
back then i used to do a coaching session with guys a couple times a month dating coaching
relationship coaching heartwork coaching whatever and we've gotten away from that now that you guys
are having your men's group because we do the big community coaching that you guys are invited to
but there might be some things that you would ask and maybe that you would share if you were just
one-on-one with me like this and not with all the ladies watching so here we are and david is on his
way home so he'll probably jump in here a little bit later but this is the kind of the love seats
for guys and you can anything everything no holds barred so let's jump into that who anyone have
anything that they want to give feedback on first of all if you're not filling out your spirit mate
match form because you're not really wanting to meet someone right now just go ahead and fill it
out because it's good to have it in the database and i won't pull it you know if i know that you're
not interested in doing that right now but it's just good to have it filled out anyway cool
good all right all right i see some new faces daniel's new to me hi daniel
um so great to meet you yeah you too uh military kind of guy yeah yeah you guessed it
not a hard guess the khaki shirt the protein snack the haircut it's easy okay
um i was married to marine i don't know if you guys know that or not um so yeah um i'm in there
i'm in the air force so okay good yeah good good good not that the marines are bad the marines are
important and good and david i'm sure you know both of his fathers uh his stepdad and his dad
are both uh air force retired uh abram so much interest in you bro okay so this is how it happened
so we're on you know we're on live and mike did an amazing job did an amazing job on the game
and so we're setting up your date with jessica she's really excited to go on that virtual date
with you by the way she's checked in like three times already and so um but then i spotlighted
greg and abram as you guys know that we're there and if you weren't there you should come to those
because it'll give you some some encouragement and confidence to be the next players on the
price is right okay because we're gonna need you guys to volunteer to be part of those games
and or be voluntold you can either volunteer or be voluntold either way it's okay we don't care
so um anyway so abram was one of those spotlights he did great he was himself which we wanted him
to be just himself you know not trying to be anyone he's not or not trying to like you know
do anything whatever and i just was i was like the carpet and the drapes that was the drapes
in the carpet i'm sure that you didn't really recognize what that was going to
words, but just a couple kind of irreverent sort of off color, things like that came out
of Abram.
And I was like, yes, because if any girl says, I want to meet Abram, then number one, she's
probably cool.
And number two, you know, she likes his authenticity.
So after it was over with our, in our emails, we only had one email for, for Abram and it
was from this girl, Jessica.
And I was like, dang it.
I was like, all right, you know, these girls are just being religious or whatever.
So then I posted in my phase three group, a little picture of Abram.
And I said, Hey, nobody wanted to meet Abram.
And then the chat just blew up.
Oh, I wanted to meet him.
I did.
I wasn't sure, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And so there's probably like at least 20 women that want to meet Abram in that chat.
So super fun.
So I'm sifting through those Abram and seeing which ones are going to be good.
So you guys, that's, that's really, that's really going good.
And so I'm excited about doing more of those things.
We have a costume party slash Halloween scavenger hunt next Tuesday.
So come to that.
There will be prizes.
There will be ladies and there will be scavenger hunt.
So anything we can do to try to get people to open up and have fun, because that's when
you see someone's personality, that's when you might be attracted to them.
See, this is why dating apps suck because looking at a picture of someone, I mean, yeah,
you might be able to tell yourself intellectually that this person is good looking.
Their face is symmetrical.
You like their hair, you know, whatever.
You might like what they wrote, but when you see someone in action, that's when chemistry
is formed.
Right?
Right.
Yeah.
All right.
I have a whole list of things that I guess my husband was going to do, but we're just
going to do whatever we want.
So what do you guys, what questions do you have for a girl?
Ask me.
Well, can I just throw something out real quick before we start the Q and A?
I just wanted to say, Mike, you did a great job.
I was, I seriously, I watched the replay and I was like, man, that is a tough path to walk
for the first time.
I mean, you were kind of, you're almost like, you're almost like on a first date with three
women in front of like 200 people and you did, you did a great job, dude.
So I could tell, I could tell you're a little nervous and you did great.
So kudos to you, man.
Thanks for being the first.
Yeah.
You're welcome.
I agree.
I agree, Mike, because I, I was going to think spotlight.
I was ill when they noticed that Jackie was going to do us guys and there's three bachelor
women.
I don't think I was, I wasn't ill prepared for an activity like this.
So I just want to copy and take what I want to do, especially with Abram too.
I was ill prepared.
I would have been ill prepared, not know what to do.
And I even want to talk about too, about my spirit mate profile too.
Okay.
We'll, we'll get to that Hunter.
Um, and I didn't leave Mike hanging.
I wasn't, I was his wing woman.
I wasn't going to let him down.
Um, so you were, you were well protected, although definitely in the hot seat for sure.
Definitely.
Yeah.
I don't think I've been, you know, but just to you guys, like, you know, um, I went,
I was doing a lot of praying up to that point cause I'm like, no, I'm just because no, it's,
it's legit.
You were praying.
I would have been praying too.
If I were you.
I want to show up as me.
Yes.
Right.
And, and like, and I, and I, and I look back, I watched the replay too.
And I'm like, I showed up as me, you know?
And so it was just, and I had, I was, I kept wanting to go like so serious and I'm like,
no, I just want to have fun.
Right.
You know?
And like, and that's what Abram, that's one of the things, Abram, you, you just do, you
bring like the whole, you bring everybody's fun level up.
You're, you're kind of like Jackie light where you're the party in a box and everybody
up, but like, you know, I just wanted to, um, you know, it, it was, I love that you
were you.
Yeah.
So.
It was good, you guys, it was good.
These are how matches are made.
So let's say, let's just hypothetically, you're on this dating match where three ladies and
now you have a lady to meet in Florida.
What advice would you give to somebody in that position?
Well, first of all, your three contestants were the top five.
They were all three of them were in the top five, um, of your matches on spirit mate match.
And I personally, I know you, you picked Jessica, but all three of them, I think could be a
real quality date for you.
Yeah, you have a lot in common with all of them.
You know, I've gotten to know Dana.
I've met Dana in person.
Jessica actually was my student in a whole other program
that I did many years ago.
So I've known her for a long time.
Haven't ever met her in person, strangely enough.
But Dana, I do.
I have met in person.
And then the third lady, what was her name?
I'm escaping me right now.
But the one from Idaho, right?
Yeah, she's super cute.
I think she's fun.
Yeah, she could definitely.
I think out of all three of them, Dana is your is your like
your spiritual match, meaning like she is like you spiritually.
The other two women are spirit filled.
But, you know, Dana's like you kind of mystical and, you know, all the things.
And then the three were the.
But yeah, so yeah, Jessica being a worship leader,
that just was something I've always desired.
Yeah, well, she yeah, she does.
And she.
She's you know, she's a mom of grown kids, I think.
You know, she also counsels.
She's a therapist for, you know, young adults.
And so it'd be very helpful for you with your kids as well.
So, yeah, that went great.
OK, so Daniel doesn't have to tell us what woman he's interested in,
but I heard you're interested in someone.
And so you'll have to let me know who that is.
I just replied to the email.
OK, good. All right.
And then Rob's been trying to hide out.
I don't know where Rob's been, but he's not been around.
Ty, you definitely have been hiding out.
And I know that your mom's been sick and stuff.
You guys just life comes out as fast.
And so there's all different types of things going on.
Chris, I'm ready for you to get out there.
Hunter, Hunter.
What are we going to do with you, bro?
Why? Who are you?
Who are you? Who are you talking to right now? Anybody?
I'm not talking to anybody right now.
I just put my I wanted to talk about what I think I need to reedit more
because this is because reedit the whole thing about qualities in my ideal partner.
And also, I want to get my point out.
They say about range.
If it comes to distances, I'm OK with that.
I hope I told you I was born and raised in Ohio and half my family.
So if any word if you have any lays on the matchmakers
who are in the Columbus chapter, I'll be happy to see them.
You can use the profile wizard to to edit your profile, all of you,
just so you know, the wizard, if you look for the wizard,
when you log in to your spirit mate match, there's a wizard.
So it's called and you can and you can use it to edit your profile.
So just use the use the profile wizard to edit your profile, Hunter.
And yes, OK, that Ohio connection.
That's an important little piece of information.
So thank you for letting me know that.
And I'll keep that in mind.
Here's a list of what I think I need to edit.
Tell me if these are good or bad.
Oh, anything I want to share about myself,
but biography with my life, share what qualities I got.
I grow closer to God because I may not grow close to God like a lot of people.
What would I want with my ideal partner?
Is it a dream partner or who can do this or who do I want the traits
to contribute to growth, the relationship, not have these traits
that in a way that and follow the idea that I see fit.
Or don't forget to open a any ethnicity.
Oh, I'm going to I got to remember to put that on there.
I don't care what her color ethnicity is.
I just believe in equal opportunity, no matter where it went
to anybody's character, no matter about the color.
And then I'm just trying to expand on and open my mind,
not be desperate for an obvious no.
Well, Hunter, I don't know if you heard this or not, but right now,
the only person that's looking at your spirit mate match profile is me.
And I already know you.
So so right now we're still in the intake process of the database.
So as people are putting in their profiles,
I'm using those profiles to put together fun events like the other night.
When we get to the place where we're going to let other people
look at each other's profiles, which we will definitely get to eventually.
Then, you know, just so you have that stuff
changed by then, if you want to change it. Yeah.
But that's not going to be for a while still.
So you're not in a hurry.
You're not like November, December.
You know, I deliver for Amazon and we're going to be busy at peak week
where we're going to be delivering packages during holiday season.
So if that I'm not I got to not be hurry.
And for the spotlight, I'll take some.
Let me know what what days are on, like, like next, though.
And then and you can get I don't know if I can give you a holler
if I can volunteer for you and I'll be super.
OK, thank you, Hunter.
Thank you. Appreciate that.
So you guys, what what do you guys want to talk about?
What?
topics you want to talk about, um, anything we can talk about anything.
Anything that, you know, you feel like you want to dig deeper into
you'd like my feedback on, um, go ahead.
Like I talk about like, not bother, they taught me a men's I'm in a men's
discipleship called iron sharpens iron.
And he said, don't look, don't even try looking, just ask God to send someone.
Well, sometimes God might send someone.
I may not be interested.
Well, I believe in this in terms of looking, it's better than God's
timing is always better than are daring.
Meaning, okay.
So this is great, Hunter.
I'm glad that you bring this up.
So this is what I want to say.
I want to say about what Hunter just said.
He said that he received that advice from a men's discipleship group
called iron sharpens iron.
And I'm, I'm assuming that it's all men.
Okay.
And so, and it's all men that are not, um, they're not therapists
are not dating coaches or not matchmakers, you know, basically
this is not their ministry.
And so while they may give sound advice, it's not necessarily wise advice.
And this is why I say that I can't tell you guys how many people.
I have met over the course of the last 10 plus years of doing what I do, uh,
that have told me that the worst advice that they ever received about romantic
relationship, whether they should stay or they should go, whether they should
marry or not marry, um, how they should go about their single season.
We're from pastors and ministers and, you know, um, Revival leaders
at their Bible college, you know, whatever.
And the reason why is because these people are telling you what they think
is right and what sounds kind of good.
But at the same time, you know, they're not necessarily
qualified to be giving that advice.
And so that's why you guys are all here.
That's why you joined because you want to, at some level and at, and at some
time, you know, you want to step into a marriage minded relationship.
And so that's kind of coaching we're going to do here.
So you can, you don't have to be disrespectful.
You can take that advice with a grain of salt, but the Bible absolutely
says that you're supposed to be looking Hunter, your name actually is Hunter.
So, and of course, what I mean is it's his time is better than our Darren.
Like, like, look, it's one thing to look, cause you're in a happy mood
and you, you really are smiling the Lord.
You really want to get to know something.
Cause that's what it is versus you're desperate.
You want it done and you want to, you want to get Russia and manipulate
the circumstance to make it happen.
And I think that's a gray area.
They, they're, they try to overlook and no, they just, they just don't, they
don't want you to get yourself in trouble.
And so this is what a lot of pastors and ministers and ministries do.
They're just afraid for people to get themselves in trouble
in the area of romance.
And so it's easier to shut it down and put it in the camp of, well, if God
wants someone for you, he'll send that them.
Cause they don't want you out there on the slippery slope of getting
into romantic relationships, possibly getting into sexual, you know,
compromising positions, all different types of things that they think are
out there waiting for you if you're out there looking, but you
guys let's talk for a second.
So Hunter, I'm going to, I'm going to teach on this for a sec.
Okay.
So let me just have the floor for a minute.
Cause I think this is really important.
The, the elusiveness of the timing of God, the elusiveness of God's timing.
And I'm going to actually teach on this on Supernatural Saturday.
I'm going to talk about this, but you guys, God lives outside of time, right?
He's in a different dimension that has no time.
And I think it's important that we understand that because has anyone
ever thought about eternity and it just broke your brain, just broke your
brain when you try to sit and think about like living eternally and just
existing eternally, because we live in a dimension that has stops and starts.
We live in a dimension that has a beginning and has an end everything in
your life that you've ever experienced had a beginning and had an ending.
And it had a middle, right?
And so God lives in this dimension where time is not a thing.
And so we don't understand that because we've never lived in a
place where time is not a thing.
And part of the reason why, and when people say God's times and seasons,
because they're talking about something different than literally time.
Okay.
And so it's important for us to understand that God's not looking
for us to get into his timing.
He's looking for us to get into his word and into just, you know,
acceptance of his word, right. I don't even want to use the word obedience because so many people
have triggers and a lot of religion around that. And so I want to say to you that God would rather
you do something in your mind prematurely and learn something powerful through it about him,
about his grace, about his mercy, than just constantly be waiting in that proverbial
waiting room for God's timing. You guys have a very limited amount of life for this earth.
And so we have to be living it. We can't just be waiting to live it. That's not a good idea.
And so Proverbs does tell us that the God's increase comes without sorrow.
And so the best thing that we can do is be preparing for what it is that we want to have
happen in this time frame in our lives. So all of you without exception are in a marriageable
era. You're all adults. All of you are here because you have a desire to be married and
have family. So you have all the criteria that you need in order to be successful in this.
Okay, you're getting coaching, you're getting help matchmaking, all the different things.
And so the best thing that you can do is you can just be ready. And when I say ready,
I don't mean perfect. I don't mean cross T's and dotted I's. I mean, you realize that at any moment,
you know, you can see a woman that you have a strong desire to get to know and possibly marry
someday. And so if you are always understanding that this is the time frame that you're in in
your life, that's called the season of partnership, then you're going to be living with
that in your uppermost mind. And so not only are you going to be looking, not only are you going to
be active in partnering with God in this, but you're also going to be working on things that
you know might actually sabotage that. That's why you're here. That's why you're doing your
hard work. You're going to, you're trying to save your marriage before it starts. You're trying to
defuse the bombs before they go off someday. Right? Okay. So that's all that's, that's the
only thing you have to do on your part is continue to teach me, show me, heal me, grow me with God.
Just that be your prayer. You know, God, show me what I need to see. Teach me what I need to know.
You know, grow me in the areas where I need to grow. Heal me in the areas where I need to heal.
That is your part of this equation. Her, that's God's part, but you have to be
putting yourself out there. All right. I know we tell the ladies that it's his job to find you,
but it's your job to be found. Um, but you can't just be sitting around waiting for Hunter to,
you know, Amazon prime her to your house. We're not going to do that Hunter. You don't need to,
you don't gotta, you don't gotta, you don't gotta chime in on everything. All right. Who
else wants to answer the question? Me. Who wants to answer a question? Who wants to ask one?
And then you can answer your own question. I'll answer the question. Yes. Yes.
All right. Uh, you know, I don't ask it. Um, so I'm potentially like long distance. This is a
whole thing that I have been kind of wary of like jumping on about it. And so, um, and then my other
thing was I was looking back through the spirit mate match form and there was nowhere said,
is it because I marked that I have kids under age is automatically assume that I can't relocate.
Cause I didn't see that. It does have a question in your preferences about long distance. There's,
there's a question in the preference. Um, Mike, can you relocate? Don't you have a minor child?
Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying is I can't. So I was wondering like, did I screw up on that on
the match? I didn't see that on the preferred thing. I went back through it. Maybe I missed it
again. You don't say you, so you don't think that you willing, willing to relocate. You don't think
that you marked yes to that. I don't know. I wouldn't have been able to, so I just couldn't,
but I was, so my question was like, is Jessica able to be like all these gals are on like all
over the nation, right? Well, Dana's never been married. Doesn't have any kids. So she definitely
can relocate the other lady in Idaho. I'm not sure. Cause remember the computer pulled these
matches for you based on your profile. Um, Jessica's kids are grown. I don't know if she
wants to relocate or not. I mean, you know, I think she just, her last one's just graduated
high school. So they're really newly, newly, um, grown, but, uh, I will check into that for you.
As far as relocation, I'll make sure that that is, I will make sure that that's a situation
that's possible because there's no sense in going a hundred miles an hour down a dead end road.
Yeah. Well, so, but that aside, no, that was one of my things I was looking back at.
and I was like, oh crap, I don't remember seeing that.
But anyways, like, so what does it look like?
Let's just say it's Dana in New York or Jessica.
Anyway, just to relevant who it is,
like what does it look like to go on a first date
on a video date for somebody
who's on the other side of the nation?
Well, we're gonna set that up for you.
We're gonna actually plan the date for you.
Well, no, but like, what should I?
It looks like over FaceTime, it looks like on technology.
Yeah.
Okay, so I suck at dating
and I suck at the initial stages.
So what, and so I don't, like, how do I,
I mean, you keep it light, right?
And like, so.
Well, the good thing is, is this first date,
we're gonna actually curate the whole thing.
So, I mean.
Oh, you actually curate it?
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
We're curating it.
So we're gonna tell you where to go, what to do.
It's gonna be like an actual date.
So you guys will both go somewhere.
Like, you know, you're gonna go on a date
and then, you know, we'll have questions
for you to ask each other and maybe a game to play together.
You know, we're gonna, we'll help you out.
Okay, cool.
So.
But to answer Mike's question,
long distance is really a whole different beast, you guys.
It's very difficult.
It's very difficult,
especially if you deal with avoidant attachment.
So if you deal with avoidant attachment,
all of you should have taken, Daniel might not have.
Daniel, did you take our attachment quiz yet?
Okay, you did?
I haven't taken the quiz yet,
but I've studied up on attachment styles.
And you have?
What are you?
I'm a anxious attacher.
Anxious, okay.
So anxious attachers have a tendency in long distance,
not that Daniel would do this,
but anxious attachers have a tendency
to go in fast and love bomb, okay?
Get really emotionally connected really fast,
end up like saying things that they later regret
because the in-person chemistry
can't sustain the online chemistry.
And then they're like, ooh.
But they've already told this person that they love them
or just all kinds of stuff, okay?
I have a bunch of people like that right now.
And then avoidant attachment
is like the kryptonite of long distance
because you don't need an excuse to cut and run,
but now you have a perfect one.
So, do you see how that's a match made in hell, right?
That is not good
because you're already looking for reasons to get out
and long distance is gonna give you all of the reasons
that you need for that.
So, we have to heal the roots of avoidance
so that you can be successful.
But I would not,
I definitely do not recommend long distance relationship
right out of the gate with someone
who's just starting to date,
get their feet in the dating pool
if you have been classified as avoidant attached.
Let's lay off long distance for a little while
and get you some in-person connection
so that we can heal some stuff
before you just jump into the deep end of the pool,
which is long distance.
Does that sound okay?
Who tested out avoidant attach
or disordered attachment,
which would be anxious avoidant?
Just Chris?
I'm an avoidant attacher as well.
So, me and Chris are in the same boat.
The other, I mean, can you comment on this Jackie?
The other thing is it's like really difficult
to kind of really assess the situation.
I've been in connection with people
that are awesome fun to just talk to,
but something just doesn't jive in person.
And that's really hard to like,
it's really hard to come to a decision on that,
especially when you bring in the exhaustion
of traveling back and forth
and managing like almost like two lives
and you're together.
And it's like, this isn't really jelling,
but like they're a lot of fun to talk to
and you don't wanna take advantage of them.
It's just like, it's hard to figure out.
It is hard to figure out.
It's hard to figure out for everybody.
Another problem with long distance
and avoidant tendencies
is that avoidant people tend to be very idealist,
very purist when it comes to a lot of things,
not just relationship.
And your definition of in-person, not jelling
and someone else's that has more of a secure attach
or an anxious attach is just not the same.
Okay, and so you're gonna have really high standards
of what it is that you're expecting to feel
or have happen.
And that's where we have to start digging into that
because you guys, relationship just really isn't perfect.
And I know that we're all expecting to have that
for the relationship to have that it factor
that just tells us it's the right one.
But I feel like that's becoming.
or more scarce in the culture that we live in.
And the reason why is because people are just guarded.
You know, people are not showing you their true selves.
A lot of people have trauma-based identities going on.
They don't even know it.
Just because we love Jesus
doesn't make everything better now.
A lot of women have a lot of hurt
and a lot of fear around men.
Yeah, they wanna be with a man,
but they also have a lot of bad experiences with men.
And so there's a lot of things that are gonna cause
there to not be necessarily that chemistry
or synergy from the very beginning.
Okay?
And Chris specifically, you know,
he is, because of his unique state,
is probably gonna attract women
that are part of Revival Stream Church
that have never been married,
maybe not even ever been in a long-term relationship
and don't have any children.
And I'm not saying that these women
have not mastered the divine feminine arts,
but I am saying they have not mastered
the divine feminine arts.
Okay?
Meaning God has made us divinely feminine
and we nurture that and we grow in that
as we have more and more experiences
to use our empathy and our compassion and our patience
and, you know, just all different types of things
that I believe live in the divine feminine.
And I believe this is why the book of Titus says,
hey, you learned women,
teach the younger women how to be women.
You know, teach the younger women
specifically what does it say?
It talks about teaching them about their dealings
with their husbands or their children or with men
and with, you know,
with those more domestic responsibilities.
And we don't have a lot of that happening.
Right?
So we have a lot of women that are just,
they really don't,
they really don't know how to navigate this either.
And so you and them, you plus them is going to,
you know, probably equal some misunderstandings.
Does that make sense?
Actually not.
Can you clarify?
I don't want to take up the conversation,
but I'm like, can you clarify what you're saying?
What I'm saying is, is that there's a lot of people
that have either been raised in the church
or they come from, you know,
really extensive church background, ministry school,
all that, and they all kind of fit
in the same category as women.
They don't have a lot of experience
with romantic relationship.
They don't.
No one's ever taught them.
They have a lot of ideas about it
that are just not correct.
Right?
They have not been nurtured in the divine feminine
just in general.
And so they're going to be a little bit more rigid,
especially if they're in their thirties and forties,
because that baby clock's ticking.
They feel like this is what they were created to do.
And they're going to,
they're not going to want you to waste their time,
but also they're not going to understand
how to have patience with the process.
It's not going to be a yes until it's a no.
They're going to put way too much emphasis
on the connection from the very beginning,
which is inevitably going to cause someone's feelings
to get hurt when it doesn't turn out
to be a courtship or a marriage.
And so we're working on the other side
to try to get women to,
these specific women,
this genre of women,
because we have a lot of them in our community,
to just relax.
Just go with the flow.
Just take it slow.
Get to know this person.
Have fun with them.
Don't need to know whether they're your husband
within three weeks of talking to them or one visit.
Because that is where,
especially with long distance,
that is where people start getting their feelings hurt
and start feeling like their time has been wasted
or feeling like they've been let on.
There's just a whole host of things
that people start feeling
when they're not prioritizing
just getting to know someone in connection,
but they're prioritizing marriage and baby making.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, that makes sense.
Would you encourage people,
this is entirely hypothetical,
but would you encourage,
especially maybe women,
to date multiple people
and not focus on one person?
I do encourage them to.
I do encourage them to date multiple people,
which is such a scandal.
But yes, I do.
I want them to,
especially those that don't have any dating experience,
which is a lot of the type of woman that I just described.
They don't have any dating experience
because they're just waiting to be courted and married.
They're waiting for someone to come
and court them and marry them
so they can go and make sourdough bread and have babies,
which is great.
But you might have to meet a few guys
before you find that guy,
and that's okay.
Or before that guy finds you, I should say.
Hi Bob.
If you're dating multiple people, it lowers the stakes and the emotional pain.
Isn't it great?
And here's what I have found about dating multiple people, and I would suggest you guys
do this too, especially at that level two, which should be low stakes level.
People will weed themselves out.
If you let them, people will weed themselves out.
They will.
They will either give you an ultimatum.
They'll show themselves to be really rigid, uncompromising, like it's going to be their
way or the highway of how this is going to go.
Or whoever else they're talking to will catch their interest more, and then they'll start
being less and less communicative until they're gone.
Or you guys will get to know each other and you'll realize, hey, there isn't really any
romantic connection here, but you're cool, I'm cool, we're good friends.
Maybe you can become wing women, wing men for each other.
A lot of women bring men into our community because they went on a date with them, two,
three dates, and there wasn't anything there, but they're like, hey, I know about a thousand
single women.
Would you like to meet them?
And then they bring the guy over here.
So you guys, we have to stop being so offended at this area of our lives.
You don't have to try to fit everyone into that puzzle piece.
You don't.
You're allowed to get to know people.
You're allowed to enjoy people and getting to know them.
And if something starts to grow that's beyond friendship, wonderful, great.
I mean, we have so many success stories in this community.
We love it when that happens, but if it doesn't, then it's not the end of the world and it
doesn't make you a criminal.
Guys, I want you to know that.
It doesn't make you a criminal just because you're getting to know a woman and you just
can't get past those initial good vibe, friend feelings for her.
In fact, I don't know that this is true, but I'm going to say it anyway.
And that is, I feel like your ability to not feel romantic or sexual towards every woman
you meet will actually make you a more loyal and good husband.
It's just a hypothesis that I just came up with right now, but it seems like it might
be true.
So, all right, who else has questions?
So Chris, does that help at all?
And Chris, once again, you're dealing with a very specific type of girl and you may want
to try dating a woman who's divorced or has a child already.
Someone whose baby clock is not ringing off the hook and trying to rush, rush, rush you
to the altar.
No, my question has to do with the fact is that I kind of have a good number of deal
breakers or things that could be deal breakers.
So it's kind of, I guess it's kind of difficult navigating that.
Could you give us a couple of examples, Andy?
Well, OK, well, the primary one is that I'm Catholic and whoever I marry has to have been
never married.
And then also, like, she has to be willing for me to raise the kids Catholic, even if
she's not Catholic.
And beyond the religious thing, I also hold a controversial belief about vaccines.
I'm completely anti-vax and I would not want my kids to get vaccinated at all.
So that might be a point of contention.
Not in this community.
Really?
I think you'll find most of the women in this community are totally anti-vax.
So big pharma, big pharma is the devil, anti-vax, like that's pretty much the mantra around
here.
Everyone's all, you know, RFK all the way.
Awesome.
Yeah, I love RFK.
Yeah.
You found, you found your tribe for sure.
I'm also into alternative medicine and a lot of people are weirded out by that.
No, not here.
Awesome.
Yeah.
I'm actually learning about something called German new medicine, which is like the most
controversial of all medicines.
Okay.
Well, listen, we got, we have, and you know, Catholic, Catholics are having their moment.
You guys notice that Catholics are having their moment right now.
I think I definitely know that's by God's design.
A lot of prominent Catholics are raising up in the media and talking about how you can
be Catholic and have a personal relationship with Jesus and, you know, no Holy Spirit,
all of those things.
And so that's exciting.
I'm excited for that.
But you know, women could also convert to Catholicism if they're not Catholic already,
if that's what they want to do.
Andy, so keep that in mind.
We do have Catholic women in this group.
As far as what would it be considered Orthodox Catholic, what kind of Catholic, like, I know
that there's, there's just like every other denomination of Christianity.
There's people that are, you know, have different varying beliefs, but the whole can't be divorced,
you know, no, I'm assuming you don't believe in birth control as well.
Correct.
Okay.
That's like, I think we use the word devout, right?
Devout Catholic.
Is that what we would say?
Yeah.
Okay.
So yeah, that's, you're right.
That's a very niche match, but it's possible for sure.
Yeah.
Well, that's, that's good to hear.
Yeah.
I mean, there's, there's, there's a, there's, there's people on board with that for sure.
So also, also I have had trouble in the past because I have ADD.
That's kind of been a turnoff for women.
I don't know why it would be, but well, you know, as a fellow ADD year, I don't know either.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm just being me, you know, I, I misplaced things and I don't always know the
right manners.
Well, look, there's a lot of people that we call neurodivergent or neuro spicy now in
the world.
And I think that that's becoming more and more a topic of conversation, just the same
as mental health or emotional health.
And so I think that you're living during a time where your unique design would be more
appreciated than maybe you felt like it was in the past, but everyone, this is for everyone,
not just Andy.
Let's make sure that we are not just readily receiving labels on ourselves that have more
to do with trauma than they do with our unique neuro design.
Okay.
I believe all of us are different, but I also know that trauma creates different versions
of us.
Okay.
And so we need to make sure that even that our unique design is not being exacerbated
in a negative way by unhealed trauma.
So let's make sure that we're doing that heartwork and, um, and because I definitely
have changed a lot, um, from the heartwork as far as the way that, um, my mind works.
Um, I used to have, I used to be what they called, um, I used to have what they called
OCD and I don't have that anymore.
And the reason why is because I really didn't have OCD.
I had was unhealed trauma that caused me to be extremely obsessive and compulsive and
my mind, uh, would go in loops.
And so, um, that has really changed over the years as I have gotten healing, inner healing.
And so, so let's put all of those things like over here with God and say, Hey, these are
the things that I believed about myself.
Um, but I'm allowing you to add more information.
I'm allowing you to give me more information about these things because a lot of times
you guys, what people put a label on in the doctor's offices is actually a gift that's
been overextended by trauma and now it's become a weakness.
Does that make sense to everyone?
It was a gift that you had, but it became overextended by traumatic events and now it's
become a weakness for you.
All right.
So let's make sure that we know the difference.
Cool.
Yep.
Okay.
All right.
Um, and you guys, I'm in a complimentary opposites.
If you have any questions about that, David and I are very complimentary opposite.
Uh, I think it's one of the, uh, the selling points of the relationship when we first met.
We do have some things in common that, you know, make us understand each other.
But besides being a man and being a woman, the other things that we have opposite is
pretty much everything else.
Everything that we do, the way we do it.
Um, but the thing is, is that we have that unique commonality of understanding.
Uh, but the way we go about doing that thing that we both understand needs to be done is
totally polar opposite and complimentary opposite.
So what do you do if you don't share any hobbies?
If you don't share hobbies,
I don't think that's a deal breaker.
David and I don't share any hobbies.
He just spent all day golfing.
Not that he does that often, but he does love to golf.
I don't love to golf.
Now, I don't mind driving the cart around,
but I think that healthy couples have time
where they pursue things
that the other person's not interested in.
Now, but the trade-off there is that
you do have things that you do together.
They might not be hobbies,
but they may be friend groups that you enjoy,
a spiritual community that you enjoy together.
If you can find something like a hobby
that you enjoy doing together,
like going to thrift stores on the weekends,
or maybe you both like coffee,
so going to a coffee shop,
trying out a new coffee shop here and there,
I think that those things are important,
but you do not have to have all these hobbies in common.
Jackie, how long do you let some of those differences
mature, develop over time?
I guess one of the things that emerged for me
were some early, just early observations,
like I wouldn't call them,
I don't like the words flags.
I don't distinct their observations to pay attention to.
And I guess the way that I was approaching
my last relationship was to just let them emerge,
stay curious, stay open,
see how they developed,
to see where the good might come from those differences.
And as I reflect back,
I guess my question is what I'm wondering is,
should I have talked about those differences
as they emerged?
And just like being curious in the moment
to talk about them versus just make them observations
and just give it more time to see
how they kind of marinate over time.
I don't know if you have advice,
but none of them were like deal breakers.
Like I didn't have a list of deal breakers
going into this last relationship,
but so that would call minor,
if that's a fair word to use.
Yeah, I have some interesting advice on this one.
One of the things that relationships from the olden days,
the ones that lasted 40, 50, 60 years
and the good relationships that I studied
before I wrote that book,
Married in 12 Months or Less,
one of the things that they all had in common,
this is that book by the way,
is they didn't spend this much time
trying to figure each other out before they got married.
You guys, there's so many things now
that people try to figure out about the other person
and they try to see if it's gonna be compatible.
There's so many things
that will just be worked out in marriage.
They'll just be worked out in marriage.
They will.
And there's just really no other answer for it besides that.
And that's why I encourage you guys from the very beginning,
let's have a list of non-negotiables.
Let's have a list of deal breakers,
but let's make sure that they're from heaven.
Let's make sure that they're not attached
to previous trauma that's not healed.
Let's make sure that they're not attached to stereotypes,
that they're not attached to some sort of sexual addiction
that you might have that's not healed from,
and or trauma from a past sexual addiction.
The guys that I coach that have had long battles
with pornography also have horrible avoidant attachment
because their minds have really been altered
by the images they've seen
as far as what women should look like
and just all different types of things.
And so let's make sure that none of your non-negotiables
or your deal breakers are based on anything
that they shouldn't be based on,
but just things from heaven.
Like for instance, Mike just told us,
I have a non-negotiable that I can't relocate.
He has a minor child.
He's a father.
He's got to take care of his kid.
That's his responsibility.
That's his priority.
So in this season of his life,
okay, that might not always be true,
but right now it's true that one of his non-negotiables
is that he cannot relocate.
So whoever he dates from the very beginning, you guys,
he has to make sure that before he gets overly involved,
that they are willing,
if they would fall in love, to relocate.
So it's appropriate for him on those first few dates,
if there's chemistry, if they're having fun,
to make sure that he brings that up
because there isn't any reason
why we should start something that we can't finish.
Right?
Hey, Jackie, I have a question about that.
Okay.
Or I went on, I checked out the Spiritmate match profile
and it doesn't, there's not a,
I didn't see a box or a toggle or anything
of like willing to relocate.
I did see something about do you have minor children. So I don't know if that was the
placeholder for relocation openness. That's what Mike said too. David, can you check that out?
Because I thought in preferences, it said whether or not you could relocate. If not,
we need to make sure that that is added right away. I'm going to check that out right now.
But what I think it is, is that on one of the particular questions on relocating, the answer
depends on, it's not just yes, no, whatever. I think it's yes, no, can't, or cannot because
of legal or like situational reasons. So it's more of the answer that is multiple choice. I'll
look at it right now though to see which one that is, just so we saw that. And check out whether
or not there's a long distance, like open to long distance, see if that's there too. I thought it
was. I think from what I saw, it said that there wasn't a choice to be you're open to long
distance, but not willing to relocate. It was either you're dating single, you're dating local.
I understand. I understand what you're saying. Okay.
Yeah. Because if I would be willing to date long distance, if she was able to move here.
Right. And the computer should pick that up. They should pick up that you're willing to
date someone long distance if they're open to relocating. So it would still match you.
So we'll check into that. You guys will definitely dig into that. David's looking at it now,
but we'll dig into it. I see Steven has joined us, maybe from his car in Ohio. Steven also is new.
So, hey, Steven. For those of you, please raise your hand really quickly. If you feel like your
age range of woman might be a woman who still wants to have biological children and you are
open to that, or you're wanting that to raise your hand. If you think that your age range of woman
would be someone who's still trying to have a biological baby, like herself.
Okay. So some of you don't have your hand up, even though you're in that age bracket,
like Abram, you're 39. So very easily your age bracket of woman might be someone,
but you're saying you're okay with a woman who's passed those years too. Is that why
you don't have your hand up? I don't know if it's like a heavenly excuse or whatever, but
I just think somebody younger, preferably with the kids thing. But I know obviously women have
been having kids in their thirties for all of mankind. I was just asking why you didn't have
your hand up, because I'm assuming that you want kids still. Yes. Yes. I'm sorry. Maybe I missed.
Okay. No, that's okay. I might've made it very confusing. So raise your hand if you want
children still, or you think that your match would still want children because of the age you are in
the age range that you are going to be attracting. Is that good? Okay. So you guys, for those of you
that are dealing with women in their baby making years, you guys, those women are going to need to
be moving faster. They want to be moving faster. They're going to be, they're going to be moving
faster. And that means they're going to try to move you faster. You please, you have to understand
this. Okay. Especially if they don't have any kids, if they've never had a baby, whether they've
been married or not married, but they've never had a baby and they are in their late thirties or
early forties, they do not want to date anyone for any significant amount of time that is not going
to marry them. And you might ask Jackie, what's the significant amount of time to a baby making
age woman, more than three months. Okay. You cannot, you got to make a decision on whether
or not you want to escalate that to a serious relationship in, in less than in three months or
less. Okay. Because they really are afraid that they are not going to have a baby. And you might
be like, well, are they just looking for, you know, a sperm donor? Some of them are. And so,
I mean, they're literally take anyone who has a pulse in some sperm. And so listen,
you got to watch that. You got to watch and make sure that this woman's not falling in love with
you just because she feels like the search is over and she can just move on with her agenda
of having a family and doing whatever. And how do you do that? Well, you, you make sure that,
you know, if you're deciding to date this person for more than, you know, six weeks,
say you're on a handful of dates, you start, you start digging.
into you know what does her timeline look like for her life. You know start
asking questions about hey you know where do you see yourself a year from
now 24 months from now. That stuff will come to the surface pretty quick. You
know if she sees herself 24 months from now married with a baby then you should
know that. Don't you think? It's important and some of you might be right on board
with that. Like Andy like he's like hey all the babies all the time bring them
on you know and that's fine. I've never had a problem of going too slow. I
typically have a problem going too fast. So the thing a eager woman to
get married like it wouldn't be that I'm like oh I just want to take my time and
everything. It would be the opposite would be to blindly go into it. That
would be my tendency. Right and we're gonna help you to not blindly go into
the wrong thing. Okay we're not gonna go help you go you're gonna help you not
go blindly off a cliff but that's why I mentioned you because you're like you're
right on board with that. Like let's go but there's a lot of gentlemen here that
have a hard time picking up the pace. Okay and so if you are in that age
bracket where you're gonna marry a woman that wants children still I just want to
warn you. I know you already know this but I want to warn you again that that's
not something to be trifled with. Okay very important. All right and you guys
you might you might wonder why this has happened. You guys know Millennials are
gonna be 70% unmarried. They're already 56% unmarried y'all Millennials. Okay by
the time it's all said and done it's supposed to get up to 70% and so this is
an issue and I feel like there's a lot of attachment issues. That is the reason
why I think there's a lot of fear and when it comes to Christian Millennials I
think it has to do with the fear of divorce, of choosing wrong, of being
outside of God's proverbial will. There's a whole bunch of stuff that goes into
that and we're trying to unpack that with people. We've been successful and
we're going to continue to be successful because this is part of what God's
called us to do is help people get out of their own way. But I think that really
quickly if you do your own work and you know that you're in a healthy place to
attach like you're you're getting there at least I think that you can trust
those those first kind of levels of chemistry and attraction. I think you
could trust it. If you're doing the work I think you can trust it because I think
that more than a woman a man knows more than a woman does. Okay and if you're
trying to force it in yourself, you're trying to make it happen, you're trying
to justify the logistics of it and different things kind of like mathing
and making the math math, that means you're in your head. This is important I
want you guys to hear this. This area of your life is not a place that you come
out with logic. This is a place that has to be a heart game. You cannot lead this
area of your life from your head. You have to be able to lead from your heart.
That's why you're here to do heart work because if your heart can't do this then
you're gonna be stuck. You're gonna be stuck in constantly trying to figure it
out intellectually and that's where you start making pros and con lists. You
start finding fault with people and you know seeing flags that are not there
because you're in your logical mind. Can I tell you that falling in love is like
a moment kind of insanity. It's a little bit of insanity that happens
there okay. Yes a lot of it doesn't make sense and when you're falling in love
with someone all the things that would deter you if you're coming at it from
your head. All the liabilities. All the things that we haven't figured out yet.
All the like what what what Ken was talking about. All the I'm not sure if
this is a compatibility or an incompatibility. It's not a deal-breaker
but are we compatible. All that little minutiae it goes out the window. You're
not worried about that because you're not here you're here and I know that
people have probably made you think that that's dangerous but it's only
dangerous if you have an unhealthy heart. An unhealthy heart that's still looking
to try to fix childhood trauma with a marriage. That's trying to fix you know
some sort of loneliness or desperation or some sort of trauma-based identity
with a relationship and that's why the work that you do here it's made you more
and more and more qualified
to go pick your spirit mate.
Does that make sense to anybody?
You guys are following me?
Yeah. Okay.
You're qualified.
I know that you're still scared
and you're scared because you're living up here.
Get down here.
You're scared because you're trying
to make all the things fit.
They're not gonna fit.
When David and I got married,
he had a ministry job
that paid like $42,000 a year
for the last 10 years of it.
Okay?
He got divorced at that ministry job
and they like put him in the back room
so no one could see him
because you're not allowed to be divorced.
So like he got demoted, demoted, demoted,
demoted, demoted, right?
And that-
He was also driving a 94 Buick Century.
Yes, you guys.
That car blew up while I was driving
and it caught fire, caught fire.
Like on paper, David did not have it going on.
I did not look pretty at all.
It was a train wreck.
It was, it was.
But that did not stop him from shooting his shot.
That did not stop him from going after the girl next door
and 17 years later, I think it's gonna work out.
So, but you guys, there were so many logistical things
that would have been like a bad idea.
All this blended family stuff
and his former wife had so much hard work to do
and just so much stuff that would deter anyone.
It would deter anyone if they were,
if they were coming at it from here.
Okay?
This reality would not be
if we would have stopped to think about it.
Yes.
And I know a lot of you have heard horror stories
of people rushing in too fast
and ending up in a relationship with someone who's abusive
or someone who's unfaithful and all the things.
And that's why you're here to do the hard work
because God will show you what you're willing to see.
Okay?
He will show you what you're willing to see.
And also, you won't be coming at something
from a place of lust.
Okay?
You'll be coming out something from a place of connection.
Lust is a blinder.
It's true.
It definitely is.
But you won't be coming at it out of desperation,
out of lust, out of the need for, you know,
some kind of physical gratification.
Your spirit and your soul,
your heart part will be signing off on it.
And then your body will be jumping on board.
That's the trajectory that we want to have happen.
And as long as you're doing the work in here,
I'm telling you, it works.
It works.
And plus, if you get with someone crazy,
we're going to tell you.
Yeah.
We're going to tell you.
I will say, babe, by the way,
you're doing a really good job.
This is, you ought to consider doing this like full-time
or something like that.
I mean, you're really good at this.
So.
You're such a goof.
I'm just trying to encourage you.
I'm just trying to lift you up.
I'm just telling you.
Thanks.
Thanks, babe.
I think you are.
It's funny because as I'm hearing this conversation going
and I'm just kind of listening, it's obvious.
It's like the thing that, you know,
most people ask the questions like, you know,
what is it you need to have in order?
What are the basic things you need to have
in order to like make this connection
and make something work?
And if there were just one thing that it would be
in terms of Arab compatibility,
it's that healed heart thing.
And I know we make such a big deal about it,
but it really is true because I'm just listening
to all these scenarios.
I'm putting together other scenarios
that I know of in our community and so forth.
And I was just with a guy that's a part
of our community today and hearing his story.
And it's so funny, but all the problems come in
when you have two people who don't have healed hearts
or one of them doesn't have a healed heart.
And nobody's gonna be 100% like perfect.
It's not about being perfect.
It's just about having a healthy heart.
That's the one ingredient that has to be,
I think probably your greatest asset
because all the other incompatibility things,
style, what you like, what you don't like,
the way you think, all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, you wanna line up on some of those things,
but in terms of the thing that will like get you there,
like I knew that in spite of like, again,
had we stopped to think about all the details,
we probably, I don't know what would have happened,
but there was something about Jackie.
And I think she feels the same way about me
that we knew that there was something healthy
about our understanding of who God was
and who God was to us in our life.
Did we have trauma?
Did we have a lot of things that we had to work through?
Did we just come through divorces recently
right before we got there?
married and so forth of that. Yes, there was a lot of things that were on the, you know, that were
that were maybe troublesome in terms of that kind of thing. But we knew that there was that sort of
heart healthiness to a degree. And of course, we've come so far being together. But I can just
tell you that that's the thing. And you can't be afraid of you can't have you can't be afraid of
problems. Yeah, you are you are you are 100% going to have problems with your spouse 1000%
you're going to, okay, there's going to be times when they're upset with you,
there's going to be times when they should be upset with you. Okay, there's going to be times
that you're when you're upset with them. The number one thing of the healthy heart that Dave
was describing is a teachable heart. Yeah, okay, to God, right? A heart that can be like, like he
says, King David is the man after his own heart. What was King David like King David was a train
wreck a lot of times he made a lot of bad decisions. But he also was someone who would who
who could be shown his bad decisions. He was someone who could be taught he was someone who
could be coached. He was someone who could come into repentance. He was someone who could feel
remorse for what he's done. And as a result of that change. Yeah, right. The proof of I'm sorry
has changed behavior. So as long as you guys as long as you have a heart that is willing to
willing to be willing to to to ask for forgiveness, if you have a heart that's willing to
be checked by the Lord and be corrected by the people that you've placed around you for
accountability, that's the other thing. A good man that a woman is looking for is a man who has
accountability in his life. Right in whatever shape or form that is but good accountability
in his life that has other people that he's allowed to check him before he wrecks him.
And and that is what women are looking for. And I know that a lot of people think that women are
looking for a lot of money. This is what media is telling you. They're looking for a lot of money.
They're looking for a perfect body. They're looking for a really tall man. They're looking for,
you know, a guy who has a really great career and a really great future. If they're a church girl,
they're looking for a guy who's in full-time ministry or a pastor or whatever. None of that's
true. Are there women who are looking for men with money? A hundred percent. Are there women who are
looking for super tall men? A thousand percent. Are there women who are looking for pastors or
missionaries or you know, whatever? Yes, but there's also a woman who's looking for you
or wanting you to find her. Okay, let's not judge all the women based on those women.
Just like we teach women not to judge all the men based on the men that you know are out there
looking for sex. They're out there looking for, you know, pleasure. They're out there looking for
someone who they can take advantage of, who they can take from, who they can have support them
financially. There's all kinds of men out there that don't represent you, just like those women
don't represent your future spirit mates. And so don't get jaded on women. In fact, I'll go one
step further. In this season of your life, I would really encourage you to lay off the media that
makes women look that way. Okay? Unfaithful, you know, promiscuous, provocative, manipulative.
Just lay off the media because if you think it doesn't affect you in your day-to-day
dealings with women, you're wrong. It does. So stay away from that. All right?
Understand that there are a lot of good women that are trying their best that would make a
great partner for you that you would also be sexually, emotionally, mentally, physically,
spiritually, relationally attracted to. And all you got to do is pick one and start the long journey
of partnership. That's going to be a huge evolution of both of you. You're both going to change a lot.
The day that you say, I do at that altar, that's the least amount that you're ever going to love
that woman. You're going to love her more and more and more and more as time goes on.
The least amount. That's the smallest amount that you're going to love her.
That's good.
Is that correct, David?
Yes, it is. And you know, I'll add on that.
Good, because if not, I'm going to smother you in your sleep.
That's right. I know it. And I know how to protect myself.
We do threaten, honor killings in this family. We do threaten. We do honor killings in this
family. No, we don't. We're just kidding. It's totally not a good joke, but it is true.
have honor in our family, not killings.
All right.
Well, and the converse to that,
you know what Jack just said about,
you know, not seeing women that way.
It's also just as frustrating,
some of the stories we get back from,
you know, people we hear within the community,
where, and they're not necessarily men
that are in our community,
but they, women that would have been
a part of our community somehow,
and, you know, got into a relationship with a man
who turned out to be something other than
what he originally showed himself to be, right?
And it's so frustrating because you sit there and go,
oh my God, what an asshole, you know?
Like you just sit there and look at it.
You guys really should hear some of these stories
because they really are so heartbreaking
and you can really understand
kind of where women are coming from.
Now, I'm not saying that there are not women out there
that don't do terrible things as well,
but it seems that the majority of these stories,
you know, the person that's acting badly or abusively
is more on the men's side, okay?
And so it's very unfortunate,
but you guys, some of these stories would just,
just really break your heart.
I bring that up because as I'm hearing that,
I'm also thinking of the guys that I see week after week
who are like, oh my God,
I already know the other side of that equation.
I know that there are great guys out there.
There's an amazing guys and they love Jesus.
And are they perfect?
No, but at the same time,
I'm like, I know there wouldn't be this guy.
You know what I'm saying?
So it's frustrating for me to see good guys
who are literally trying and literally just like,
they have all the stuff and they're thinking through it
and they're working through all of their hard work
and they're like considering things
and maybe even a little bit too much.
And at the same time, I'm like, those guys,
like, hello, we've got those guys over here.
Like, why can't we match that up with,
you know what I'm saying?
So it's just, it's so,
I wanna say that for kudos for you guys
who literally, I say this all the time,
one of the greatest things that guys can do
is just show up, period.
You know, sometimes all a woman wants just,
can I just have a guy that shows up?
Can I have a guy that just shows up and just like,
you know, is helpful, is like not critical
and just not a jerk, you know?
And I'm like, we see those guys all the time.
So, you know-
Here's the thing though,
if you feel like good guys finish last, all right,
and if you feel like women are not attracted to you,
even though you hold these qualities
that my husband is talking about right now,
I wanna tell you something that's gonna hurt your feelings,
and it should.
I want it to offend you
because I believe that offense is a catalyst, okay?
So if it offends you, good, and that is this,
you like and are attracted to the wrong type of women, okay?
If the women that you have gone after,
the women that you've been attracted to,
the women that you've tried to get into a relationship with,
they always reject you, they don't wanna date you,
they friend zone you, okay?
They act like you don't have anything valuable to offer.
You're not what they're looking for.
You are attracted to the wrong type of woman.
You are, okay?
And you're like, but that's my type.
No, it's not.
It's not your type.
No, it's not.
It's not your type, obviously,
because they don't like you back.
It's not your type.
It's not because you're not in the gym.
It's not because you don't have enough money, okay?
It's not because you're not three inches taller.
It doesn't have to do with that.
That type of woman, you've gotten in your head
that that is, that's the type of woman that I want,
but that type of woman doesn't want you.
And so obviously it's not a good match.
And I propose to you that you could fall in love
with a woman and feel passionate about a woman
that is passionate about you.
Yeah.
And all of a sudden, half of you thought in your mind,
Jackie's telling us to marry an ugly woman.
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
I'm not saying that at all, okay?
But that's what men are so afraid of.
God's gonna give me an ugly woman.
No, he's not.
He's not gonna do that.
But there's something about that type.
You might not be able to see it.
You can just see the outside of her.
You see how she interacts in community
or at your workplace,
wherever it is that you've met this woman.
You see the outside,
but God knows stuff about the inside of that woman, okay?
Personality situations inside of her,
compatibility stuff as far as being willing to compromise.
There's stuff about that woman that you cannot see
that are not compatible to you.
And you just don't know it.
And so I really wanna challenge you
to trust God with your type.
And so if any of you,
and I'm not gonna have you raise your hand,
this is just between you and God kind of moment.
If you have had several rejections by women.
that you were really attracted to and that are the kind of like the type of women that you gravitate
towards. Doesn't matter if they're all different hair color, different size, different ethnicities,
there's something about those women that they have something in common that's causing you to
be attracted and they're not attracted back. If that has been your experience, I really want you
to give your type to the Lord. I want you to ask God, hey, show me why the women that I'm attracted
to are not attracted to me and help change my appetite, my type, my attractions towards a woman
that would be good for me, that I could be passionate about, and that is going to be
passionate about me in return. Can you guys do that? Will you do that as homework from this
session? Okay. You don't even have to report back. You don't. This is just a private thing.
Go ahead. My experience is that I've already given my type to the Lord like a long time ago,
but still getting rejected because I don't have a specific type that I'm looking for, but I feel
like I still get rejected. Well, Andy, there might be, you're brand new, so we've got to work with
you a little bit and kind of be able to pinpoint maybe some of the things that you can change up
to be more successful and we're going to do that. Okay. So get to know you a little bit,
kind of see how you're approaching women. Maybe it's the approach. It could be a couple different
things and so let's dig into that so we can help you. All right. You seem like a great guy and I'm
positive that there's a spirit made out there for you. All right. So we will work with you on what
it is that you can change up. Hunter, you as well. Those of you that feel like you're more
neurodivergent and you're not that good, like Andy said, maybe in social situations or with
social cues, you just have to sometimes have a little bit of coaching on how to navigate certain
things so that you can get past that. Okay. Because everyone can get past that as far as
be able to make connection, even if you have those things kind of working against you,
let's make them work for you instead of against you. All right. All right. Well, if no one has
any more questions for me, I'll just let David go ahead and close it out. Mike, you have a question
for me? No, I was saying bye. Thank you. All right. Thanks, guys. Appreciate you. All right.
Oh, go ahead. So first off, you said you had guys who struggle with porn and lust. I thought
porn addiction and struggle with porn and lust addiction is a legitimate
deal breaker, isn't it? People that have struggled with that in the past. All right. So they've
overcome that, but it still has kind of like messed up their brain a little bit. Right. So we
got to help them get past, you know, the effects or consequences of that addiction they used to have.
All right. Cool. But continue, but still have stuck on it is legitimate.
If you're still stuck in that, is it a deal breaker? Is that you're saying? Yeah, that's
well, if you're if you of course, if you're if you still have an active porn addiction,
we want to work on helping you get past that not helping you meet a girl.
Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. Okay, guys. I'll see you later.
Where is David? Did David leave? Do we lose David to
what is what? What in the world? What did he just do? I don't know.
I don't I don't know what his dealio is. He must have he must have misunderstood. Yeah,
he must have misunderstood. Okay. Do you guys not have any questions for him either?
There's always next week anyways. Yeah, there's always next week. And don't forget,
you guys, you have that extra they have that daytime slot and the evening slot. So if daytime
works better for you, you can come to that. Abraham, Abraham, Abraham, I went I went all
the all the way there. Abraham, Abraham and Mike will get you Mike your date, Abram your matches.
And Stephen, Stephen has a whole folder full of women that want to meet Stephen as well.
He's in his dating sabbatical. He's in his heartwork sabbatical right now. What week are
you on to? Did you make it to yet? Just started to. Okay, perfect. So So yeah, so we'll be we'll
be showing Stephen who his matches are. Stephen was spotlighted as well. And so Chris, we got to
get you going, bro. And Hunter. Yes. And Andy left already. So everyone else is gone. Ken,
Ty, everyone left. So we'll go ahead and let you guys go to we'll talk to you soon. Bye, everyone.