All right, ladies. Awesome. I see a few more people jumping on. That's good. We're just
a couple minutes past 1 o'clock. Shawnee and I were not sure if we were going to be the
only two in here today. So welcome to your October 22nd Phase 2 live check-in. It's
always such a pleasure to be here. I'm Karla Johnson. Hold on a second. Julia, I'm going
to decline because I'm recording it as the host and then we post it in there. So we don't
actually allow anyone else to record because what we do here is supposed to be sacred and
we don't want it getting out to other people. So it's just a safety precaution for you ladies.
But know that I record it on my end and we do put it in replay for you ladies in Phase
2 to watch. So if you're here, you can re-watch the session. And then if you're not here,
you're obviously probably now watching it in replay. It's what we actually really do
encourage you ladies to do if you are not on live or even if you are, just to hit it
in replay. So I'm Karla Johnson. It's always really a great pleasure to be here with you
ladies. I myself was in this program, found Jackie in the late 2020 and have been a success
story and found my husband a little over almost two years now it's been. We've been married
a little over a year. So it's just really great to be here, to be able to kind of pour
back into this ministry and this community because it blessed me in so many different
ways. So I'm excited to be here with you ladies. Just by a show of hands, is there
anybody that is new to Phase 2? This is your first time joining us in Phase 2 live. Anybody?
I don't know. Oh, I hear somebody. Joanne, hi. Welcome. I've seen you post a couple times.
So glad to have you with us. Perfect. I'm going to go over some housekeeping items.
I love when someone's a new timer because then I don't feel like I'm repeating myself
to people who have already heard it a hundred times. But it is good because again, we do
this in replay. So one thing, first things first, tonight there is a special session
with Jackie tonight. It's one of our love seats. So be sure to go ahead and catch that
tonight at eight o'clock Eastern time. We are in the process of getting that link in
that events tab in your app in Phase 2. So that's what you're going to go to to get
that link, to get the Zoom link for that tonight. And then we also made a post as well about
the love seat tonight. So definitely check it out. It's going to be really good tonight.
Jackie's going to go over all the tips and ways to navigate level two relationship, which
for you ladies here in Phase 2, that's ideally where you ladies will live in Phase 2 is level
one and level two relationships. It's very not typical for people that are in Phase 2
to jump quickly into level three, not saying that it can't happen, but because you ladies
are typically only here for about four to five weeks in Phase 2, you're not going to
typically find yourself in a level three. It doesn't mean that it's never happened,
but it's just really super important to be able to navigate that level two and level
one relationship. So Jackie will talk about that tonight. So we went ahead and go ahead
and met some of the newbies here. So if you jumped on and you're new to Phase 2, just
raise your avatar hand so I can see you. So if you are here and you're new to Phase 2,
so what do you need to do? So you're probably like, okay, this is a little bit different
than Phase 1. What do I have to do? So first things first is that you will have five videos
in your content, right? So that's found in the app. There's going to be five of those
that Love Story Accelerator, Dating 101, Divine Feminine. Then there's a video on online dating.
And then the last video is Boundaries, which is what we're going to talk about a little
bit today. So the goal is to watch one video a week, okay? We do this so that you have
time to pray, meditate, take notes on it, and then consider how you're going to apply
that content in your life, okay? And then what we want you to do is post in our community
your takeaways from those videos. So today we're going to just briefly discuss a little
bit about the Boundaries video. If you haven't watched it, don't stress. I hit every single
one of those videos.
Those in a month. Okay. So if you're joining us now, you're getting the boundaries. That's not going to be you're not going to watch that video until it's the last video. Okay.
And at the start of the next month, we'll go. We'll start all over again. Okay. So, um, excuse me.
So, yeah, definitely make sure that you're watching that content.
And then the next thing that you need to make sure to do, which you all are doing right now is come to these live Tuesday session. Okay.
At the very least, if you can't make it watch the replay. Okay. We cover a lot of highlights from each one of the videos each week. And we also take all of y'all's questions.
So you're going to be able to find lots of good information when you watch the replay. If you weren't able to make it. So sometimes we see questions that come up in our community where
We might have discussed it last week. And if you watch the replay, you might be able to find out your answer. Now, obviously, we're here to answer all your questions. So we're not going to
You know, try to detract you from posting your questions because we definitely want to be there to support you. But just know, sometimes you can get your questions answered by those replays. Um, what else you also need to do.
Excuse me, ladies, is keep attending those prayer calls. So you should have access to those prayer calls like you did in phase one.
Keep going to those prayer calls. We have one every single day. And I will say Supernatural Saturday and Sunday night activation will definitely fill your cup. So get to those. And if you can't watch those and replay. Okay.
You'll be here in phase two at a minimum four to five weeks. Okay, we encourage no more than 10 weeks. Okay, we understand life happens. But if you can get through that content and come here, show up, get encouraged, get your questions answered.
We want you to get all that stuff done. And then once you've completed all of those things and watched your content, then that's when you will email admin at Jackie dorman.com to move over to phase three. Okay, so again, ladies, I can't stress enough like how important it is to show up and prioritize this community in your life.
Because you deserve to invest time in yourself. All right, I know, like myself, I was so busy being single mom and doing things for other people that sometimes I neglected my dreams, my hopes, my desires, my time with the Lord, and forgot what how important it was to invest in myself so that I can grow and be a better version of myself because that's what we really want to do.
We want to practice being the best versions of ourselves. So when God blesses us with that spirit, mate, we are ready. We're prepared, right? Okay, so now I'm going to just explain to you ladies, like how you can make the most of this phase. Okay, I say this out of my own experience. Okay, because like I said, I was in this community. I found Jackie in 2020.
Took me a couple years until my husband came along. But it came. Okay. Um, so I, I've been where you're at. I know, you know, I know the ups and the downs. And I know how you know, exhausting. Single hood can be and the dating game can be I totally get it. There's highs, there's lows, there's all sorts of things. So ways that you can show up in the community is hosting in our community. Okay, about all the things.
All right. So this is especially interactions with guys and date, you know, post other posts can be about heart work, what you're learning in the videos, what God is doing in your life, breakthroughs, you're having any celebrations, like your wins, questions, prayer request.
Um, but again, share with us your interactions with men and dating. It helps us to coach you before you find yourself in a crisis. Okay. I can't tell you how many times. Okay. I've been doing this for a close to a year now. And then obviously being in the program myself.
Okay. So it's kind of how like, I don't know about you all, but I kind of do that sometimes in my prayer life, unfortunately, like my relationship with God, like, everything's going good, smooth sailing, everything's fantastic, that I forget to sometimes have that community, like that community and my, my connection, my intimacy with God.
Until things start going like haywire. And then I'm like, Oh, my gosh, like, my prayer life, my intimate time with God is like, you know, taking a backseat. Now, no wonder my life is in chaos. The same thing is here, ladies. So if you want to try to eliminate some of that chaos and crisis, just continue to do that.
You need to show up here in community
and that will continue on as you go into phase three.
You're gonna continue to make connections in this community
and share with people your life, okay?
Another way of doing that is build those friendships
and interact with your sisters here in community.
Respond to what your sisters share in the app,
but just make sure that you are not commenting
or posting on any of those comments
that they have an ask a coach tab, okay?
So when you're in the app, there's certain tabs
and if you click on the ask a coach,
you're gonna see where people have requested
a coach specifically to respond to them.
So sometimes what can happen is that ask a coach post
can also show up in the all tab as well.
So when you're making comments
and you're encouraging your sisters
and giving some positivity to your sisters,
relating with your sisters,
let's just be mindful that it's not also falling
under that ask a coach post as well, cool?
Everybody with me?
Good, all right.
We're almost through the housekeeping stuff, I promise.
But yeah, just make sure that you are staying positive,
you're encouraging.
We do ask that you refrain from some advice giving
and coaching and most certainly refrain
from any negativity, okay?
Another thing that you can do while you're in this phase
is to come out of hiding.
So this is your time to shine,
here in community and in real life, all right?
Get out and share with friends and family
what God has placed on your heart.
Be open to dating, this is online and in real life.
And remember that seven day challenge
that Jackie encourages you to do,
it doesn't have to be scary
and it also doesn't have to be rushed, okay?
So last thing in housekeeping here
is some of the important reminders about the app.
Just like any new app, there's gonna be glitches,
so please practice some patience with us
as we work with our developer to work things out.
So please know that we care deeply for you
and that if we don't respond to something
that you've posted within eight to 12 hours,
just know and trust that as soon as we see it,
we're gonna respond to you, okay?
If a coach asks or responds to something that you've posted
and you need to reply to us, reply under our comments, okay?
So on our comment, there's gonna be a little reply button.
That just gives us the notification in our app
that you've replied to us.
So this has happened a few times
where someone's made a comment, I have gone and responded
and then asked a question, they go in and respond,
but they didn't click reply to me.
They went and responded underneath their original post
and it doesn't notify me that you've responded to me, okay?
So sometimes I do my best to kind of always
kind of keep track of like,
hey, who have I still not heard from?
But sometimes some people can kind of fall
through the cracks if it's not notifying me.
So I'm not perfect.
I do my best to make sure that I'm staying on top of that,
but sometimes one slips through where I'm like,
oh my goodness, it's been almost a week
and they responded to me and I need to respond back to them.
So just make sure that you're doing that.
I already talked with you about making sure
that when you're making a post
that you're clicking the correct label,
so whether it's all wins, relationship, milestone,
or that ask a coach tab, okay?
Make sure you know how to get to your training videos,
the replay videos, the resource page,
the training page, and the event page.
Those pages are where you will find
a good amount of information, okay?
And then last but not least,
don't send emails to admin at JackieDorman.com
about anything that's listed in that resource page, okay?
Especially anything that has to do
with the affiliate program or the spirit mate match.
All the information that you need
will be under that resource tab, okay?
Are we good?
Awesome, all right, so now let's get to the meat, all right?
Let's go ahead and get into some of our teaching here.
So raise your hand if you have watched the boundaries video.
Victoria, okay, I think, Victoria,
you're still probably a little,
you've got, you're halfway through, I think,
you mentioned a while ago.
Okay, cool, Kylie, you've watched it as well.
I know there's a couple of you that are new on here.
Don't worry if you haven't watched it.
I'm just gonna go over some highlights.
from the boundaries so do your best take some notes anything that calls out to you if you have
questions about anything keep that question we can discuss it here in a little bit um i'm going
to try to get through a big chunk of it because i do like to spend time with um you ladies and
getting your questions and kind of having it more of a dialogue so um so the boundaries video so
boundaries what are they right and what do they offer um renee in the video i love her analogy
she uses where we describe boundaries that they're not walls but in fact they're fences with
gates okay boundaries are good it keeps out the not so good but it also allows us to have a gate
that opens up and allows us to receive the good things okay so those boundaries are there to
define us and protect us okay and one thing that we spend a lot of time in that video having you
know a teaching on is it's called the carpem drama triangle so it's just like vicious cycle that we
can kind of find ourselves in and at some point there's like three like three points of that
triangle and we can be all of those things at some point in our life okay because again it's kind of
this cycle it just kind of goes around so i'm going to talk a little bit about that so the first
one i'm going to talk about is the controller and the persecutor okay so what that looks like okay
it can show up aggressively all right this might be like someone's not listening or you're not
listening you're running people over or people running over you and it also shows up pretty
aggressive when you're just not accepting people as they are okay so it reminds me of just something
that's just more fear-based is typically like you're going to try to control it and you're
going to be you know aggressive about it because it makes you uncomfortable okay so controller
persecutor can show up pretty aggressively okay then there's another part of that too where it's
manipulative so it can be seducing or persuading people away from their own boundaries
so you might be thinking and i know when i first listened to this i'm going to sit here and i'm
like oh my gosh this person this person and this person they like totally invade my uh boundaries
and i can sit here and name all the people that have tried to be a controller of my life and
have been aggressive towards me and manipulative towards me but i want to challenge you ladies
right now to stop and like yeah you're gonna have some of that it's important to recognize when
people are trying to bust our boundaries but i also want to um challenge you a little bit to
think to yourself how have i shown up in this counterfeit when i maybe am trying to um bust
somebody else's boundaries right okay sometimes a little hard when we have to look in the mirror
and be like oh dang i don't like when people do that to me but you okay so um that's the controller
persecutor and then what can happen okay and this is interesting like i always like it because it's
like if you try to control you don't accept somebody as they are you're running people over
and someone doesn't like it then what happens is people then will play victim all right they'll
blame people or things they'll complain about people and things they don't take ownership of
their part in things okay i'm guilty of that sometimes right and then they want others to
do things for them that they're not willing to do for themselves okay and then when that doesn't
happen sometimes we then turn into the rescuer helper so what this can show up like is oftentimes
it's it's where you are feeling like you are responsible for other people which that in essence
is codependency so it's not that we need to be responsible for others but we can be responsible
to others and so that's a healthier way of being more empathetic right so that's what we're looking
for okay you you know you can't go and save everybody sometimes it's like people are going
to go and and i mean i'm guilty in my past of being the fixer all right and that's what i was
in a relationship i found myself in relationships with all sorts of unhealthy men that i felt like
i needed to fix all right i found myself in relationships with addicts and i was going to
i was going to love them out of that addiction and by all means like if they loved me enough
then they would change their addiction right and so then that's when i found myself in that
cycle. I was going to fix them. And then when they didn't fix
them, then I was going to control them, I was going to
make them do it. And then when they didn't do that, guess what,
then I've turned victim. And it just this vicious cycle
continues. Okay, so that's just one example of how those
boundaries can just get really mucky. All right. So, um, next
thing is healthy confrontation. Okay. So yeah, boundaries, when
we think of that, we're thinking, oh, people are busting
our boundaries, and it's not a good thing. Well, guess what,
boundaries are are a good thing. And confrontation is good, too.
It's just are we doing it in a healthy way. So I'm going to
just briefly talk about what healthy confrontation looks
like. Okay, so jot these down. All right. Healthy
confrontation. You're not raising your voice, you're not
attacking, you're not blaming. Okay, when you're going into
having a confrontation with someone, because let me tell you
people will want to bust your boundaries. All right. So when
that happens, it's going in and getting ready to have a
confrontation about that, but doing it in a healthy way. So
you don't have to raise your voice or attack or blame. You
can speak in a manner that's inviting. All right. And ladies,
let me tell you, you're gonna have healthy confrontation.
Let's hope you're gonna have confrontation with your spirit
mate. All right. I can't tell you how much confrontation and
just even a year's marriage we I've had to learn how to
practice this healthy confrontation because I didn't
have healthy confrontation. All right. Um, that was an area that
I'm still having to learn from. Okay, so it's speaking in an
inviting manner, right? Because if anybody's like coming at you,
I mean, people are gonna get you're gonna get defensive,
right? So when you have to give, you know, you have to confront
somebody, you don't want to put them on defense, especially your
spouse, because you're supposed to be a team, you're supposed to
be a partner. And this goes with any relationship. This doesn't
just go with marriage. It's, it's all sorts of relationships.
Another thing to keep in mind when having healthy
confrontation is no, know what your goals are and determine if
they're healthy and helpful. Sometimes we have to check
ourself like, are we acting in like, are we trying to control a
situation? Are we trying to get someone to do something that we
want them to do? So you have to ask yourself is is my goal of
having this confrontation, something that's going to be
healthy for me and this other individual. Okay. Be okay with
leaning into negative emotion. Okay, when someone busts your
boundaries, or maybe you bust somebody's boundaries, there's
going to be some negative emotion, there's going to be
some hurt. Right? You're going to get hurt, and it feels sad,
there could be some anger. Be okay with leaning into that when
I'm when I talk about that, that, you know, lean into your
Papa, lean into your, you know, Heavenly Father with that, okay.
Be okay with being able to express how those negative
emotions have affected you. Okay, not to blame them for
things, but just to express what you're feeling what those what
those emotions are. And then if you have some negative emotions,
you may need to get your emotions kind of at a at a level
where you are able to have healthy confrontation. One thing
that I've had to learn to express to my husband when I'm
at a 10, and my emotions are all over the place, because I'm, I'm
an emotional being, all right, my husband is not. And my two
youngest kids are emotional beings. Okay, it's a son and a
daughter, my oldest son is not an emotional being. Okay. So
I've had to learn that when I my emotions are pretty negative and
are really high. I have to be willing to express like now is
not the time for me to have healthy confrontation. Because
I'm in my negative emotions right now. I have to do things
to take my like, regulate those negative emotions. That's also
another reason why we lean in those negative emotions
recognize them know where they come from, be willing to
express them. But don't step into healthy confrontation if
you're like, you know, really feeling like you're not going to
have healthy confrontation really is what that is. Alright,
so but also be willing to have those tough conversations. All
right.
I know there was a time in my life
where I would avoid confrontation.
So be okay to have those tough conversations
because it's okay to have confrontation.
Learn how to listen.
This is one that I struggle with, y'all.
I have a really hard time because I'm a talker.
So having to stop and listen to what someone is saying
and returning, it can be difficult.
But just keep in mind, half of communicating,
if not more of communicating,
is more so listening than talking, all right?
Have the courage to be curious.
And this is how I have to work on my listening skills.
Instead of jumping to conclusions
about something that someone says,
I then ask questions about what they're saying.
It helps me clarify.
It helps me practice listening to them
because I have to think about what they're saying
to be able to ask them a question
about what they're expressing.
And then don't go into confrontation
looking for them to determine your self-worth.
That one is, again, if you're going back
to remembering what your goals are
in having the confrontation,
if they're healthy and helpful,
if you've gone into it expecting someone
to do something for you
because it's gonna make you feel better
and it's gonna tell you who you are,
that's not healthy confrontation, all right?
Y'all still with me?
Thumbs up.
Awesome, good, good stuff.
I know a few of you are not on camera.
I know that some people are at work.
If you are able to get on camera,
that's super helpful.
It helps us practice coming out of hiding, all right?
So if you can put yourself on camera, that'd be great.
I've got just a couple more things on boundaries.
We're gonna get through this as quick as I can.
The next thing that we talk about in boundaries
is getting your pies in order.
So what do we mean by that?
P-I-E-S, all right?
So P stands for physical, water, whole food, movement,
health, okay, making sure that you're filling your body
and taking care of your body
because when we don't get those physical necessities,
we can become irritable
and then people are more apt to bust our boundaries
and we're also busting other people's boundaries
because we're not taking care of ourself physically.
Also includes sleep, all right?
That's a big one too.
If you're not getting enough sleep,
I don't know about you all,
but I get really cranky if I'm not well-rested, all right?
When you have three kids and a husband,
oftentimes I don't get sleep.
So I have to really be mindful of that and take rest, okay?
So that's the P, the I is intellectual.
This is do you have a teachable spirit, okay?
Are you willing to grow yourself, okay?
I will tell you, this is super important in this program
is having that teachable spirit
because I've seen it happen a few times
that we have some people that will come
through our community and they just wanna stay stuck.
They really don't have a teachable spirit
and they find themselves in some not so great situations
over and over and over again.
So it's really important to get your intellectual,
teachable spirit in check, okay?
We're here to partner with you.
We're not here to partner against you, okay?
Be willing to be made willing, okay?
The next one is the E is emotion, all right?
So how do you handle stress?
How do you handle your time, your schedule,
your capacity, your emotions, all right?
That can change and alter your boundaries
and whether or not you're crossing other people's boundaries
and the last one is spiritual, all right?
Having that alone time with God, worship,
being in the word, discipleship,
being in corporate community and serving, okay?
I don't know about you all,
but anytime I'm with my church community
or spending time with my heavenly father,
I just feel more at ease
and I have a lot more patience for things.
So if you find yourself.
of getting into these unhealthy cycles
or this irritability where you feel like people
are busting your boundaries
or maybe you're just irritated with people,
ask yourself, do I have my pies in order?
Because maybe it's something as simple as like,
man, I'm just not really spending time with the Lord.
Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep.
Maybe I put too much on my plate
and I need to remove something from my schedule.
Maybe something's stressing me out
and I really need to learn how to relax
and do some things that are for me and have some fun.
All right, that's a big one for me.
I oftentimes forget to like chill
and go do something fun for myself, all right?
So then the last thing we're gonna talk about
is boundaries at level two and level three relationships.
I'm gonna just kind of some healthy,
quick, healthy examples of that.
So level two, and I'm just gonna give examples
from boundaries that I set
when I was going through this program and dating.
In level two, I was very, very convicted
not to have, not to be kissing in level two.
And that's actually what we encourage you ladies
is to not start slopping that spit, right?
Because you're ideally going to be dating
a couple people at level two.
I know some people freak out with that.
I did, I was like, what do you mean?
Like, I only liked,
I felt like I had to only date one person at a time.
But what happens is then we put all our eggs in a basket
and then we kind of get into quickly.
So level two boundary for me was I wasn't kissing anybody.
I also was being very protective of what,
what deep intimate information I shared in level two.
All right?
So those are some examples of level two
of just creating some boundaries.
And then level three,
again, it was more of the physical stuff.
I was like, we're not having,
I'm not having sex with you until marriage.
That was super important.
That was again, another boundary that I set.
I also was diligent about setting boundaries with my son
because I was a single mom.
So I set boundaries there of what that looked like.
I also did not share with people my address,
like where I lived.
That was super important.
And I also was not about to show up
at somebody else's house.
I was going to keep things public.
And so that one is super important.
That's a safety thing.
That's a safety boundary.
Okay?
Especially at level two,
like you don't know this person entirely.
They're still a stranger in the early stages of level two.
So those are some boundaries that,
those are just some examples of some healthy boundaries.
Again, tonight, Jackie is doing that live love seat
that y'all are invited to,
and she's really going to dive
into level two relationship.
Okay?
So that's when you are going on face-to-face dates.
So definitely check that out tonight
because I'm almost certain she's going to talk
about boundaries to have in level two.
Okay?
And so I share this because,
and I share this quite often in this community,
is when you set good healthy boundaries for yourself
and you communicate those boundaries
with people that you're dating,
you're going to see just how respectful
and masculine and mature these men are
because they're going to either respect your boundary
or they're not.
So one of the things that I found super attractive
about my husband early on was that he respected my boundary
of not kissing me.
Like on our first date,
he asked to kiss me and I was like, no.
And you know what?
He respected it.
And then after we decided to be exclusive
and go into a level three relationship,
he didn't assume just because I was in a level three
committed exclusive relationship with him
that I was ready to kiss him.
And so he allowed me,
he's like, hey, when you're ready,
well, he put a boundary with me.
He's like, hey, when you're ready,
would you let me know?
I was like, yeah, that sounds pretty reasonable, right?
So it's important that we set our boundaries.
We follow those boundaries because it will help show us.
which men that we're dating,
are they going to be respectful,
mature, and masculine in that.
Couple more things before we do some breakouts.
I'm going to just, we're going to talk about
a few things that I thought were important to bring up.
I'm going to try to get y'all talking in the chat here.
This is the first time I have anybody in the chat.
Usually, I have a few people in the chat already right now.
Let's talk about yellow flags.
We all have them.
But I want to not just talk about yellow flags,
but I also want to discuss
yellow flags versus red flags versus green flags.
I'm curious to hear from you all,
what would you consider a yellow flag?
Put that in the chat.
What are you going to consider a yellow flag?
I'll share, my husband had yellow flags.
I had yellow flags.
Maybe I should share my yellow flag first.
My yellow flag was,
I had been a single mom for so long
that I can be very controlling and headstrong
and structured and go get it.
I don't want to sit here and not really receive help.
I want to do it all.
Is anybody typing in the chat?
Or am I just not seeing it?
Anybody?
Can someone unmute and tell me
if they have things in the chat?
Maybe it's on my end, I'm just not seeing it.
I can't see anything in the chat.
I'm sitting here thinking,
maybe it's my Zoom, maybe it's not letting me see chats.
Okay, so just no one's posted yet.
Okay, so yeah, my yellow flag was I was a single mom.
I didn't like to receive help.
I liked to do it all myself.
I was super rigid and structured.
Things had to be a certain way
because I was like in survival mode.
So that was one of my yellow flags.
I'm sure my husband sometimes still struggles with that
because again, now I don't have just one child,
I have three children.
And I'm constantly having to try to keep order in the house.
And my husband is like, happy-go-lucky.
So that's where we have a complementary opposite, right?
So where I am very like driven, let's get things done,
let's have structure order in the home.
He's like, fly by the seat of your pants,
like everything will happen as it's supposed to,
we're all good.
And so both, like those can be yellow flags for both of us.
Now we are complementary opposite and we kind of help
where my husband needs to have more structure,
I'm helpful to him.
Now where he is more happy-go-lucky
helps me to loosen my reins a bit, okay?
So that was one of my yellow flags.
And I had to be willing and I still have to be willing
to sometimes release that, all right?
Thank you, Shawnee, for sharing.
So exaggeration, yeah, so some people can look at that
and be like, oh, I don't know,
I don't know if I want someone
who's exaggerating all the time.
Hating your work, that's a good one, all right?
No desire for community,
disconnected relationships with family.
Yes, so those for some people may be a yellow flag.
And as they get to know you and see,
are you working in a healthy way
to overcome some of those things,
that can then show more of a green light, okay?
So again, we're all gonna have yellow flags
and God's not gonna just make us work
on all of those things at once, all right?
I'm still having to work on my yellow flags, all right?
So a yellow flag that my husband had was he was a widow.
And I say that because early on,
and this was another yellow flag of his,
is that he kind of deep dived pretty early on.
And I was like, hold on a second.
And so he was sharing with me some of his drama
from his late wife.
And I remember thinking, hold on,
this woman is not even on this earth to defend herself.
So I had to be like, I took those things
to my community here and shared those.
And Jackie was able to be like,
look, don't think too much into it.
Like, give yourself time.
Because this was all happened before I met him in person.
And I was ready to be like, boy, bye.
Because I was like, that's a red flag.
And she's like, stop, have fun, get yourself off the ledge,
learn a little bit more.
And so as I learned, I saw my husband and he was teachable.
He went to therapy.
He was getting counseling for that stuff.
He had been in a very toxic marriage for 11 years.
And it did show up in him.
But I saw how he was growing from that.
And then through time, obviously I met the therapist
and she was even to share with me what that looked like.
So again, like, if he was just gonna be negative
about his past relationship and not show me any,
like, teachable, solid stuff from that,
then that might've eventually shifted to a red flag
because he might've just been like negative
and constantly not trying to help, you know,
heal and get help for himself.
But with time, I saw that that wasn't the case, all right?
So those are just good to be thinking about.
What is a yellow flag?
What's a red flag?
What's a green flag?
Okay, so you got someone, yellow flag is suspicious.
A person has to earn your trust.
Okay, so yeah, that's a yellow flag.
It's like learning to kind of let that guard down,
stepping into being God defended.
You may have situations when you're dating
where, you know, that might get triggered at times,
but are you willing to work through that
with someone that you're dating?
And are they gonna be willing to work with you as well?
So that's how, again, like, I like that we see
what these yellow flags look like.
Bad mouthing their ex and not taking in a responsibility.
That's not, I wouldn't say that necessarily is a red flag.
Okay, now they may have some hurt there.
Now, if you see that they're not willing to,
and it shows up in other areas of their life,
and they're just not willing, then yeah,
that would kind of show you
they don't have a teachable heart.
They might not be mature enough yet.
Because again, we want those men with the three M's.
Are they marriage-minded?
Are they mature?
And are they masculine?
Now I'm talking about divine masculinity.
Okay, not the world's version of masculinity,
but God's version of masculinity.
Okay, so again, those would be things,
like when we tell you about yellow flags
and we all have them,
that's when you just need more information
to see is it yellow turning red,
or is it yellow turning green?
So I wouldn't say until you have more information, Alexis,
it's not a red flag until you get more information.
And this is sometimes where as you get to know a person
and certain situations come up,
or maybe they're constantly,
every time that you are out with them
and they're constantly bad mouthing their ex,
I would say, if it happens like two or three times,
just say, hey.
So I noticed that,
would it be fair in saying that
there's some frustration that you have with your ex?
I mean, obviously I would imagine they're gonna say,
yeah, well, she did da-da-da-da-da-da.
Okay, well, how are you using that to learn and grow?
Like you can start getting curious about those things
and asking, like, have you ever considered
talking to somebody about that?
And I know that can sometimes be for men.
I mean, who knows?
You might see a response.
If they start getting aggressive to me,
then it'd be like, okay,
they're not willing to look at that just yet.
But then there's also the other situation where,
I know some people, and I had this as well,
where I was, it was a yellow flag for me
if a guy was a father and wasn't involved in his kid's life.
That was a yellow flag for me.
But I couldn't assume it was because they didn't want to
or they couldn't.
Sometimes it may actually be because the mother
was difficult and unhealthy herself
and refused for him to be in their life.
So you see how sometimes a yellow flag to us might,
we might just jump to conclusions,
may not be a yellow flag.
Like we don't know the full story.
Because Jackie will share that,
especially with.
fathers, single fathers, and a lot of people, single fathers
can easily catch a bad rap. And we forget that there's toxic
women out there that keep their children away from their
fathers. Some of them within good reason, you know, maybe
they're abusive, or they're an alcoholic or drug addict, they
are going to, you know, give, you know, harm them in some way.
Those are all good reasons. But sometimes, it's just because the
mother is hurt and angry, and she is unhealthy. And she's
using her child as a way to get back at how she's hurt. So you
see how sometimes we can't just jump to a conclusion, we have to
get more information. Now, that doesn't mean that we interrogate
these men and ask them all these questions. It's and it's also
why we are just gradually getting to know someone. And
again, Jackie, we'll talk to you ladies tonight about level two
relationship and how to do that. Well. Okay, so these are all
things that will occur in level two as you're getting to know
somebody. Um, did I get okay, him mentioning he doesn't have a
job and say he's looking for work. Okay, that can be a yellow
flag. For sure. It can be a yellow flag. You know, because
again, you need to see is he in fact looking for work. You know,
you're going to see that through time. Does he is he showing the
intention of doing it? Maybe they, you know, I mean, we're in
a economy right now is in a crisis, right? I mean, jobs are
hard to come by income is like things cost more now. And I can
tell you this much, there's a grocery store costs way more
than it used to a couple of years ago. And you know, people
aren't getting raises to match that cost of living increase,
right? So it's a little bit harder. So some people might
even, you know, they had a job and now it's like, man, I need a
second job. And so sometimes it's a little bit harder to find
work. All right. Are they like, are they going out and looking
for work? Are they using gifts and talents? I mean, there's all
sorts of things. Again, it's just finding out more
information. It's just things to kind of keep on like, just keep
it in your peripheral. You know, as you're getting to know them
and seeing is it coming up? And it's showing a red flag? Or is
it coming up and showing you green? And so again, ladies, we
could sit here and just go over all these different types of
flags. But the best way for us to work through all of these is
share in our community, as you have things come up. And we can
discuss how to use like look at those yellow flags and see,
okay, am I looking at it with the eyes and the lens of like
being open minded and also being cautious. And then as you find
out more information, share that with us. And then we can
help those blind spots and say, yeah, this is looking more red,
or you know what, this is looking a little bit green. And
we can even give you questions and promptings of how to
approach some of those yellow flags. Okay. So Joanne says when
they text, they constantly misspell words and proper
grammar, abbreviate too much in slang. So ladies, I am a
horrible speller. I have horrible grammar. I just learned
that my youngest son is diagnosed with dyslexia. And he
struggles with spelling and I would hate for when he gets
older. Now, thankfully, we've got resources in place at school
that will hopefully help him overcome some of those
challenges. But I would hate for a woman to look at that as, oh,
that's a red flag. You know what, maybe we don't we don't
know, we need more information. Okay. Now what I will say is, if
you're noticing like, the like the way the the wording is, it
sounds like broken English, sometimes that can be an
indicator that you're dealing with a scammer. So the best way
to find out more information with that is ladies, we
encourage you to not be on the chatting and those apps for more
than a week with a person, get them on a video call, or a live
date. All right. We don't want y'all having like texting
relationships, because it's not really a relationship. Pull
those things off and do and do life do live things. Okay, so
get on a video, because I will tell you, majority of the time,
Scammers are not going to do a video call.
So that would be like,
okay, if that's the yellow flag,
you need to find out more information,
get them in front of you.
We coach that a lot.
So if you need help with that, let us know.
Alexis, yes, tonight will be recorded as well.
For employment, they write CEO, owner,
self-employed, et cetera.
So Joanne, help me understand why that's a yellow flag.
So, again, when you're online and you look at profiles
and you see someone that says owner or CEO,
I feel like that's like a yellow flag to me
until I see that they are actually have an employment
or is running a company.
Because for somebody who's unemployed,
they could just easily say I'm the CEO.
Or, you know, so that's why I say that.
So you're just wanting to see career-wise, right?
Like making sure that they are holding a career.
So let me ask you, have you been in relationships
with anybody in the past where they didn't have a career?
Or that maybe you got lied to,
they made them look like they had their stuff together
and they didn't.
So can I ask you, is there anything
that gets stirred up in you about that?
Like, does it put you on the defense in any way?
Okay.
I guess to me.
Help me understand why this would be,
like, I mean, I get what you're saying,
like you'd wanna see that they have a career,
but I wouldn't necessarily say these are like yellow flags.
Like when I think of yellow flags,
it's like, are we being suspicious?
Cause I'm-
Oh, go ahead, go ahead.
Maybe it's just me, maybe my assumption,
but I guess I just don't assume that people
who are business owners or have their own company
or CEOs are on these dating apps.
So that's why I'm like, I'm new to this dating app.
So I can, like, again, I could be totally wrong,
but most of the time you'll see, you know, waiters,
waitresses, you know, all the different people,
people put like the name of their company
or where they work, but then somebody just put CEO,
but they don't put a name of their company.
Or it's just like, you're the CEO of who, of what?
I mean, you could be, you may not want to-
I was gonna say, I'm gonna take a,
I'm gonna take a poll here.
What have any ladies that are on right now
that own their own business?
Raise your avatar hand or raise your hand.
Okay, so do you see, we have someone here that owns,
we got three, three ladies just on our call,
they own their own business.
Are you ladies on online dating
or have you ever been on online dating?
Do you see?
Online dating is from all walks of life.
So I would just keep that in mind, all right?
Here's the thing, like we live in a world now,
it's so fast paced and so fast moving.
We've kind of stepped away from doing life,
in real life that most people nowadays meet online.
I met my husband online.
Bethany met her husband online, all right?
I met my husband, he was on a Facebook community
for single Christians.
I wasn't in the group, but a lot of my sisters
that were in this community,
the Jackie's community were in that
and they saw him for me, but I still didn't know him.
They didn't know him.
I was online, I was on Facebook dating,
I was on all sorts of websites.
So just, I want to stretch you and take some time
to process where you think that comes from.
Is there a lie that's attached with that,
that people that own their own business and companies
can't go searching and find love online?
And I also will preface, so those three ladies
that you all, you own a business,
on your profiles, are you telling people
what your business is?
I see, Shawnee said yes, but Alexis and Mariska,
I'm sorry if I butchered your name.
Do you openly share with people what your company is?
You can unmute too, if you want to, it's easier.
I don't because it's related to the health and wellness and the guys normally shocked out because
of the like kind of hearing about naturopathic doctor the thing that I'm eating only grass and
you know so I'm it's it's very specific so. Gotcha Alexis do you share your business?
So I am a personal health coach and I don't that's not written in my bio at the top of my page but if
you scroll through my page you can probably tell um the only thing I wrote in my description is
that I help people get healthy so in a roundabout way. Okay but you see how we're not maybe going to
be super broad in that because actually that is sorry I got something on my lip here um
sometimes that could be a safety issue I know um it was about a year ago or maybe it was like
six or seven months ago we had a woman in our phase two she was a doctor all right so she's
somebody who's who's got her stuff together she wasn't sharing with people that she was a doctor
or because then she could be looked up so so again like if you're sharing somebody a company
that you own and maybe it's a business you get some crazy like stalkers so just keep that in
mind that sometimes maybe a man is putting that out there because he's not trying to get some
woman trying to stalk him so that he knows like she knows where to find him so sometimes it's a
safety thing right you see that there's women here in our community there they they own their
own businesses CEOs they're they're open about it okay so just want to give you that different
perspective okay and hopes helps helps bring some of that you know down okay um and just again
because ladies you're doing dating differently now all right we're going to start breaking off
some of those counterfeits we're going to break off some of those lies all right um i want to get
us to our breakout sessions here in a moment but i also want to talk because i've noticed this come
up a little bit and maybe not so much with the ladies in here but even in the past and i'm
starting to kind of see and get something in my spirit where i'm like you know what we need to
have a conversation so ladies you don't have to go all magnum pi on some of these dudes okay
those of you that are my age maybe a little older you know what i mean okay magnum pi was an 80s tv
show it's a personal investigator you're going out and you're scoping you're getting all the dirt on
somebody ladies you don't have to do that okay especially with the guys that are inappropriate
with you i've seen that come up a couple times in our community here recently where some men have
been super inappropriate and women are trying to justify why they need to block them so ladies you
don't you don't have to go personal investigation if they're inappropriate it's a blessing block
and that does not mean that you have to tell them that you're blocking them it doesn't mean that you
don't have that you tell them like what they need to do differently it's literally bless them with
you know you and papa bless them and then just block them all right you don't have to go start
digging dirt on them to justify why you had to block them and oh i found out they're married
oh i found out he's got you know whatever like he's got a rap sheet he's been arrested three times
like you we don't we don't need any of that all right the guy's inappropriate you block them all
right we don't need to invest time on someone that is inappropriate so don't don't go don't go magnum
pi in them okay no because if they're gross and inappropriate boy bye that's all i need i'm not
going to waste any more energy or effort on on people that are like that this also goes for some
of you ladies that want to go digging up on social media with men you want to go find the dirt
all right let's really practice using wisdom and discernment and practice being god-defending
um because again some of us will want to make yellow flags into red but remember we all have
yellow flags it's kind of why i brought up the whole yellow red green flag so remember
we all have yellow flags we all have a past okay i don't know about you all but i have a past
i mean my biggest thing like a yellow some people thought a yellow flag for me was that i had a child
and i was never married i had some guys literally
not want to date me or not even give me a time of day.
Even in Jackie's community,
when she reached out to some of her guys
and tried to spotlight me,
some guys were like, that's a yellow flag.
She's never been married and she has a kid.
Ladies, that hurt.
Like, yeah, I had a past.
I didn't do it God's way.
And I took that with the Lord
and he forgave me through that.
And I like repented of that.
And he convicted my life, he changed my life,
but my son is a huge blessing.
And I don't want you ladies,
I would never want any men to take your yellow flags
and judge you for that without getting to know you first.
So that's why I bring this yellow flags up,
and I bring up not digging through people's dirt
and people's past, okay?
Using discernment, using wisdom, using this community
to come and share with us what you're experiencing
and we will help you through that, okay?
So I think we've covered a lot.
Victoria, so yeah, your mom can relate.
She had a kid before becoming a Christian.
So when she met my dad,
my dad was sincere and didn't see it as a red flag.
So yes, that's huge, y'all.
So it was part of my past,
but it doesn't mean that it was something for someone,
like, thank God my husband didn't see that as a red flag
and not give me an opportunity to get to know me
and to get to know my,
obviously, I wasn't introducing him to my son
in the very beginning,
but my husband loves my son as his own,
and I'm very blessed and I'm very thankful for that.
But again, I had some dudes that did not,
they were like, no, Jackie, I don't wanna date her.
She has a kid and she's never been married.
Like, she must not be that strong of a Christian
because she was doing things
that she wasn't supposed to be doing.
Like, no, they never really got to know me
and they never got to see my heart
and how God refined that and redeemed that for me
and redeemed it from my legacy as well
and what God wants to do in my life and my family's life.
Yes, so just keep that in mind
when you are seeing yellow flags come up,
think about what yellow flags you may have
and do you want someone to be so quick to judge
and start digging in your past?
Because here's the thing, ladies, you are God defended.
All right, I'm not saying
that those yellow flags can't be read,
but let's really give men an opportunity to get to know them.
Now, obviously, we always say it's a yes until it's a no.
A no is when they're completely inappropriate.
All right, and we can, again,
if you have questions about that,
come to our community, share that, okay?
I'm going to open the floor up right now
for you ladies to ask your questions.
And then I might, usually I like to do breakout rooms,
but we spent a lot of time here,
so maybe we can do some of these questions if there's time
and we can kind of do them with each other
here in this group.
All right, Mareshka, if you want to go,
I see your hand first.
I just want to share something that maybe just to put
a little bit of awareness in the community
because I think I spoke for two weeks
with the completely stranger.
I don't even know who he was and I followed instructions.
So we talked for about a week.
There is absolutely nothing inappropriate.
He was presenting himself a widow
and we spoke and everything was fine.
He was like sending me devotionals in the morning
and it was amazing.
It was honestly amazing.
Then we went on Zoom and on Zoom,
it was something very weird
because I Zoom with business clients all the time.
So it was virtually recorded
and he was speaking live to me,
but there is a recording
and I can see that it's not synchronized
with what he's saying and what I hear.
And more video with a cell phone
and he's one of the also like a self-employed
and like it was a big business.
So I.
After that meeting and the meeting went like 15 minutes. I was thinking something is wrong. Maybe so anyway
And it was quick and after that meeting I was thinking like all red flags are up
This was this was the it was like a 15-minute zoom right and I think Bethany responded to you
Yes in the group. So yeah, I love that you brought this up
So ladies if you go under the ask the coach tab, you can read through
What she posted and you know what she described of what happened and then you can kind of see how we
Navigate so with that again ladies when we're when we're doing zoom and live and stuff
We don't want to be giving out our personal information and our phone numbers and things like that
So again, it's why we talk about zoom
but it's being keen and using that discernment of like something doesn't sit well here and
And so that is that you know
And again bringing it to community and then getting getting guidance there and getting advice. So yeah, it's we live in this
technology day and age
Where now we have to even remember that we're dealing with AI
You know, and so there's sometimes those programs these AI's I mean
It's just growing into a thing and it's being mindful of that
so
You know being being keen on
Are they not doing zoom calls?
because of
Time stuff. So sometimes that they're in a different country
They're not on the same time zone as us, you know
If you're in the United States, like there's like a couple hours window
But then if they're like, oh, I can't can't zoom at that time and then they're they're saying oh I can zoom at like 5
And 6 a.m. Well, that's not ideal
So it's just keeping those types of things in mind and if you have those types of situations
Don't hesitate to come into our community and share with us what's happening because yes
There are times that they're scammers and I know I think even Bethany had shared
you know, they they will a lot of times they will disguise them as like they're military or they're widowed and
They live like overseas
Like those are sometimes some indicators. I'm not saying that there are not guys that like
Use online dating that live overseas in our military or whatever, but you're gonna recognize it. Sometimes that happens
So those are things like yellow flags just keep your guard on
Okay, so I love that you brought that up because yeah
We're in this technology world and we have to make sure that we're doing things safely
And that's what we always encourage you ladies to do
Communicate with us. Don't give your personal information out. Don't send people money. I can't tell you
Oh, there was one time I might have been a year or so ago
someone in our community
Gave this guy that they were talking to
Thousands of dollars
Like
Because they felt like they had a relationship with them ladies. It's also why we tell you
Do not do the back-and-forth texting a couple exchanges
Get on a zoom
You saw like, you know, he's sending you devotionals and you're like maybe talking about your faith ladies
We really want to kind of limit the amount of information that we're giving someone
Especially that first week when we have not met them on zoom or in live
Okay
When you start having those
Exchanges guess what as women we are emotionally driven creatures
we start forming connection and bonding with people and
I will tell you scammers are good. They are gonna be charismatic there
I mean any con artist has charisma. All right, not saying that means somebody has charisma. They're a con artist
Okay, so don't hear that. Okay, but
Just keep in mind like that's why don't stay in the texting
Conversation the back-and-forth. I really encourage you ladies. Don't be texting all day every day
Until like you've gotten to know them a little bit and you can set boundaries there. We talked about boundaries today
All right, so I love that you brought that up and you know what? You're not the only one
I mean I was I fell victim to that not not a con artist not a guy like that
But I thought I built up this
Relationship with a gentleman for over a year because we text and talked on the phone every single day for about a year. I
Was living in Florida. He was living in, Indiana. He'd been to the area that I was living in in, Florida
He had friends and family there. He eventually moved there and I thought we were in a full-blown relationship
Come to find out he didn't want to have an exclusive relationship
I spent an entire year thinking I was in a relationship with this guy
And I was devastated, like it took me a lot of time to heal from that but it's
because I sat and had like a relationship with someone just on the
phone. I didn't have real-life connection, I never, I didn't have this program you
know and then this program comes along and I'm like oh wow I was I I've done
that. So I say that with love ladies because a lot of the things I probably
have done myself. All right but know that this community is here for you and to
support you and like that's why I always tell you bring all of that stuff to our
community. We're here to share that you know and coach you and give you advice
and and and learn and grow with each other. My little suggestion is maybe
after I saw I think somebody's responded about the Google, Google voice,
through Google maybe some little technical things how we can do it
without like using Zoom because I'm you know for business purposes I use Zoom
and I love Zoom but for security purposes how can we use technically and
what's the other options to use it? So I mean here's the thing is like we talk
about I think Bethany even shared in that and forgive me if I'm you know
misguided here is we talk about Google voice so you're not giving out your
personal number. Sometimes we're like oh my email I can't give that out because
it's your name and has your last name. Set up another like another email like I
have I have two emails currently like I have a Gmail and I have a Yahoo. So I
mean I know sometimes it's just that extra technicality and you have to
double-check it but it really is for your safety. You can set up even a
separate Zoom account I'm pretty sure. You can have two separate ones like you
can do a free version like there's the word like some people have it for their
business and it's a paid one like my husband owns a business he has this paid
version so that he can have Zoom calls that are longer than 40 minutes. So maybe
instead of using that get a free version and log into that so then if something
gets compromised you can like report it you can close that that free account and
then you can sign up with another account. So there might be some extra
steps that are kind of inconvenient but how inconvenient would you rather it be
inconvenient or would you rather it you know harm harm your safety and your
well-being. So it's just navigating that and here's the thing like we're in this
technology world and we're still learning how to do that and that's why
we share that stuff with the community and as it gets brought up like the team
we talk about ways that we can can navigate that. So yeah so Google Voice is
only available for America not Canadians I'm sure I mean ask around I'm
sure there's probably some other platform or something. I never used
Google Voice personally because I waited really to give anybody my phone number
and then when I did my mindset was well I can just block their phone number but
now that was you know years ago where now I can see like I wouldn't advise
doing that but finding other avenues of sorts. Again zoom calls I mean they're
free free zoom call 40 minutes and then you get face-to-face and then like you
know Mariska she she noticed there's something not right it's not it's not
adding up so that was an indicator for her like I don't know if I like this and
so she could use discernment and just go ahead and remove herself from that say
okay this is probably a scam I'm gonna move on and she knows she's got defended.
And you know he tricked me on you he wanted to talk on what's up instead of
text and he said oh let's share more pictures on what's up and I'm like
appropriate pictures he sent me beautiful pictures and such like regular
pictures and he's I said why why what's up why not just texting and I do have a
free phone that I use for the website I could use the different texting messages
but he said well better quality you can send a better quality pictures on what's
up versus text and I'm like okay I knew it. I will say my I don't like when
people use that what's app I have tended to find that people want to get you off
and then get you into what's app or something else.
typically is a scam, all right?
So when they wanna remove you from that app,
because now you can't report them, right,
to that community, to that online database,
wherever, you know, if you're using Pinge or Bumble
or whatever, it can't be reported,
so they pull you off of there.
So those are typically indicators,
and that's where, again, you set boundaries,
like, I'm not comfortable with that,
can we do this instead?
And if they're not willing to respect
your concern and safety, that can be an indicator too.
Like, okay, you're not willing to help me
feel safe and comfortable,
then that's not a masculine, mature man.
Okay, ladies, I hope, I love that you brought this up,
I think it's always good to remind you ladies of that,
so just keep that in mind,
balance, like, again, we talked about boundaries,
it's so important.
All right, Alexis, what's your question?
Kylie made a question in the chat a while ago
about addictions and whether or not they're yellow or red,
and I'm not sure if you answered that.
I didn't see that,
so thank you for bringing that to my attention.
Okay, so yes, having addictions,
it can be a yellow flag for sure.
Now, where you see if it's gonna turn red
or green is, are they working on that addiction?
Do they have accountability?
Have they been clean, sober, free from that addiction
for at least a year?
Most recovery programs typically will tell those people
that they cannot get into relationship
for the first 12 months
while they are trying to break that addiction.
Okay, so if they're not doing those things,
that would typically be more of a red flag.
So if they're in that addiction,
they haven't gotten help, they haven't seeked help,
then yes, that would typically be a red flag, okay?
Sometimes people are not gonna let you know right away
that they're struggling with that.
So again, that's why pacing yourself through level two
and just getting to know them,
seeing those things will be helpful, okay?
So now, there are several godly men out there that I know
that have struggled with sex addictions
and they are married and have wonderful marriages
because they were working on themselves,
they have accountability,
they have, it was something that they struggled with
that they've overcome it,
they're in a program or they have someone
that they hold themselves accountable to
and it's just gauging on whether or not
are they working on it and do they have accountability?
And then here's another thing, ladies,
you are not gonna be their accountability.
It's not your job to hold them accountable
to keep away from those addictions, okay?
And I say this from experience
because I was in a relationship
with someone who was a drug addict and alcoholic
and I thought it was my job
to help them stay clean and sober.
And it's they have to want it, they have to do the work.
They have to be accountable to someone
that they don't have a like intimate connection with, okay?
It can't be their like best friend,
it can't be a family member,
it can't be their girlfriend, their fiance, their wife, okay?
They have to have, a lot of those programs
they have what's called sponsors.
Someone that will be hard on them
and there's no like, because here's the thing,
if they're coming to you
and asking you to hold them accountable
and they're doing something that they're not supposed to
and you start shedding light on it,
like, hey, like I looked at your computer
and I saw that you were looking at porn.
You told me that you weren't gonna do that.
What, they're gonna start getting defensive.
They're gonna start making you the victim
or you the accuser and it's just not healthy.
Or like in my instance,
like whenever my boyfriend at the time was,
I caught him using drugs,
like it became, I was not trustworthy,
I was in his business.
I had no, like, it just creates habit.
So they have to be ones that are working on it
and I typically say, and recovery programs will,
say this as well, they need to have at least 12 months clean, sober from their addiction and I
would make sure that you're seeing that they have that accountability. Now you don't want to sit
there and just prejudge them like, you know, we all again, we all have past. Some people's past
may have that addiction there. It doesn't necessarily mean it's a red flag. But it's
definitely a yellow flag to keep in mind. So does that help? Does anybody have questions about that?
Because I know this is kind of a, it's a deep subject. I kind of have a question. Yes, Kylie.
I'm sorry. Give me one second. That's my train of thought.
Alexis, you were the one that like brought it up. Do you have any questions about that?
No, not really. You pretty much answered them. Thank you. Okay, good.
Sorry, I did remember it now. I was curious. Within boundaries of like physical boundaries,
because everyone's like, you just don't have sex. Is there any video or like content that
Jackie or like the group has put out on like, that type of thing? Not that I'm like trying to be like,
how far can I go? But I'm generally curious, because when you're dating men, their brains are wired like
differently than ours are. Well, and here's the thing, we all like, we all like, it's, it feels good.
Right? I mean, ladies, we're all we're all grown adults here. Right? Like, our bodies were created,
God created our bodies to enjoy that, right within marriage, but it doesn't mean like we obviously
I think we all can probably attest, like, you know, it happens, right? So that's why we really
encourage it. And we strongly suggest like, Jackie has done in her Instagram post, I'm wanting to say
it was like a little over a year ago, she talked about why sex before marriage doesn't work. Okay,
so she she breaks that down now. Like you're to your question of yes, don't have sex, and we
understand the why. But the where do you draw the line? So that's going to be when you're in level
three relationship, that topic is going to come up. All right, that that conversation is going to
come up because here's the thing, you your body's gonna want I mean, you're gonna especially when
you meet your spirit mate, before you get married, they're gonna be your spirit mate, your body's
gonna want in on the action. So it's about creating those boundaries. And it's about
communicating with your partner what that looks like. So everybody's going to have different
levels. Okay, so years ago, and that might be something that I can even bring up to the team,
that it may be something that we can do on a special session with Jackie. So for some people,
cuddling on the couch is their boundary. Because if they go past that,
they're going to find themselves in a situation where they're going to do the deed. Some people
cuddling on the couch is not going to arouse them enough to want to do that. But maybe like,
maybe like, a lot of like heavy kissing is going to then cross that line.
So you have to decide so between two people, whoever has the lowest, like level of
physical intimacy. So whether I mean, if you're with a partner, and he's like,
if I'm cuddling with you on the couch, I'm going to want to do more than guess what,
you're not cuddling on the couch. Where maybe for you, you can have like a makeout session,
and you can draw the line and be like, Nope, not doing that. Like it doesn't phase me.
But for someone else that they're heavily making out, like if your partner, like is making out
with you. And they're like, Nope, if I'm making out with you, I'm going all the way. And guess
what, you're not heavy making out. So you have to find between two people, what's the lowest level
of physical intimacy they can have without it going past that. Okay? Some like, you just and
those things, you're just going to constantly have to communicate where you're at. And that's,
again, why we really encourage like having, you know, putting yourself in relationship with
someone who's going to respect boundaries, and open that communication. Like, if you're in
level two, like, we don't want you having those conversations
really in level two, once you get into level three, you're
gonna have those conversations. But hopefully by then, you've
given some other areas to them and communicated them other
boundaries that they've shown you that they've respected those
boundaries so that when you do step into level three
relationship, you know that you're safe there. So for
example, like my husband asked me first date, can I kiss you?
And I'm like, No, I didn't mean that I didn't want to, I knew
for me that if I was kissing someone, like I was going to
attach, and I didn't want to do that if they were dating other
people. And I didn't want to confuse if there was anybody
else that I was going to date in the next couple weeks or
whatever, that it was going to cloud my judgment. And he
respected that. And then even when we were exclusive, he
allowed me to decide when I was ready. And even then we had to
have those discussions of what that looked like, as we got
engaged in and you know, spent more time together. Keeping that
communication open and you know, understanding the importance
that that was it was important for both of us that we were not
going to cross boundaries. And so there were just times like, I
even know, I'm sure Bethany will be okay with me sharing
this. She's she even said, like, when her and Brian were, you
know, a couple months or so away of getting married, they had to
draw even stronger boundaries, because the desire was there
more, because they were so close to getting married. So she's
like, I can't even sit next to you on the couch. And so she had
to communicate that to him like, hey, I if I sit next to
you on the couch, I don't trust myself to not cross that
boundary. And Brian respected that and made sure that they
didn't sit right next to each other on the couch. So you're
going to always have to have that open communication once you
get into those, you know, level threes. But I will tell you
ladies until you are an exclusive level three
relationship, I will strongly encourage you not to have
physical connection, even kissing. And I know for some of
you are like, you're such a prude Carla. Because I know some
of you like kissing girls, I like kissing too. But I'm
telling you, it it will cloud the clarity and the judgment
there. Especially when you don't know the person and you're not
really sure if you're going to go into level three and then
going into an engagement. It's just gonna make it hard. Let's
speak from experience. All right. All right, Alexis, I
think we answered your question. And Kylie, we got yours. I'm
going to go to Victoria and then Joanne. And then ladies. Well,
it's about one 130 here central time, it's 230 Eastern. So I'm
going to allow Victoria and Joanne, if you have any other
questions, just make sure you post them in our community. And
we'll get to those as well. But I want to be respectful of your
time. If you have to go, don't don't feel like you have to stay
on. I know some of you are at the middle of the day. I know
that's a little hard. So, Victoria, how are you doing? I
saw that you went to band with your mom and that was good for
you. I'm so I'm so glad that you were able to do that. And get
some some rest. I know you've been the ringer. Yeah.
Mike, yes, it was good refreshment. My question kind of
relates to that. Like, a boundary for myself is like
where? How can I tell if I'm ready to go back in? Or should
I like what's what's kind of like a good indicator that I'm
ready to go back into the dating circle? Or do I need to
put a boundary on myself and say maybe wait a little longer?
Like, what's the thing? What was your advice be?
So I would say, just dip your toe in. All right, we're not
we're not going to sit here and respond out of fear. Because
that's what that sounds like to me. I'm kind of just discerning.
You're a little scared, right? Because I know you went through
some hurt, right? Yeah. So take it easy. Go in it. All right.
Don't rush the process. Okay. When you have those emotions
come up, feel them. All right. Work through that as certain
things come up partner with Holy Spirit. Ask him what he's
revealing to you. Okay. It's okay to pace yourself. You
don't have to go full fledge.
want to sit here and say, Oh, go get onto three sites and start
like talking to a bunch of people. That's going to be a bit
overwhelming. Just start, start one at a time. Get to know them
again, approach it like you're just getting to know somebody
new. All right, we're not looking at romance. All right,
ladies, I will encourage y'all not to look at that, you know,
looking at romance. Like is this my husband, you know, just go
into it, say, Hey, I'm just meeting new people as you would.
If you were meeting a bunch of girlfriends, right? You join a
new new church, and there's a woman's group and you get in a
woman's group. And there's one or two ladies that kind of like,
are highlighted to you, you're going to want to go Hey, like, I
really enjoy getting to know I like what you shared it small
group, I would love to grab coffee with you some time to get
to know you better. That you see how there's like no pressure
there. It's just really stepping in and saying, Okay, I'm just
gonna get to know someone new, you're not going to dive into
your past, you're not going to divulge to them like what just
happened or what's happened in your past. It's just, you know,
easy, breezy, light, airy, and just, you know, dip your toe in.
All right. And then if things come up, you come to our
community, you talk through what that what that looks like. And
we're here to coach you. All right.
Mm hmm. I help you. Yeah, that does. And I know I'll just Yeah,
I just try one. Maybe that'd be one at a time. Yeah. Yep.
Absolutely. You're welcome. Joanne, I'm gonna take your
question. And ladies, I'm gonna bid you all farewell. What's
your question?
Hi. So yes, I'm this is my first live phase two. I think
this is actually my first live live. In phase one, I was always
catching it at my tail end of work. So yes. So I've been
reading the ask the coach and taking everyone the advice. And
so I as we've read, I've gone on the Facebook dating and the
higher bond, I feel like the thing higher bound right now is
but Facebook dating. So and like I was saying, I was like, it
started off like, Hi, how you doing? How was your day? Hi,
how was your day? How's your day? I'm like, how many times am
I going to keep saying, Oh, my day is great. You know, it's a
little I you know, I know someone responded about that.
But I didn't get to solve this. Like, so one person had
responded was like, if you feel comfortable, here's my phone
number. And I was like, I don't know, you know, even though I
have a Google phone number, so that wouldn't have been the
issue. But I just didn't know like where to go. So I so I read
in the ask the coach and I was just like, Hey, would you like a
video? And he was like, Sure. So we set up a video for later on
tonight. And then another person, I didn't even wait to go
the back and forth. And I was just like, Hey, how about a
video? And he was like, Sure. But today I was with my plumber
and my plumber was super talkative. So I missed that. And
I was like, Oh, I so apologize. But he was like, it's okay. I
understand. I'm like, thank you for being understanding. So
we're supposed to have another video. So my question, I say all
this to say is my question is, like, I have other, you know,
I've moved to a lot of a lot of people, like you said, dating
many people or not dating, but community phase two with a lot
of people. The back and forth is just a little special. I mean,
it's okay for like, we first move over. But now it's like,
so is it okay to be like, Hey, let's just move to the zoom? Or
is that too fast? Or just I think it's just depends on
everybody's preference. Like me personally, I like to have a
couple exchanges of like, lightly kind of getting to know
them asking a fun question. So I know it's like, Hey, how's your
day going? It gets kind of man. So what I learned when I was,
you know, dating online, is having a couple questions in my
toolbox of like, what did I find interesting to know about a
person. And a lot of times it had to do with like my interests
or what I saw someone else's interests were and that I wanted
to know more about. So it's having, you know, coming to the
you know, initial communication with having some get to know you
questions like those icebreakers. I mean, if you're,
you know, and I think if you've ever been in any sort of like
group setting, like corporate or like, convention type setting or
small group setting, there's always those icebreaker
questions. And I don't know about y'all, like, early on, I
used to freak out was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm putting on the spot.
Like, what am I going to say? Now I've learned is just kind of
like, okay, they're always fun, light hearted.
and that kind of stuff. So I would go in prepared with some
of those questions. So they're like, Hey, how are you? I'm
great. I had a wonderful day at work. Um, you know, maybe you're
my go to is always travel because it's an interest of
mine. So and it was something that I would hope that my spirit
mate would also have a desire or an interest and enjoy traveling
as well. Okay, so my go to questions a lot of time had to
do with travel, vacation, things of that nature. So I might go
into an oftentimes when I was single, even with my youngest
son, I always had trips planned, whether they were small, like a
couple hours away, or maybe it was, you know, out of state. So
I'd be like, I'm doing great. I'm looking forward to, you
know, getting ready to go out of town in a couple months. Um, do
you enjoy traveling? And then they respond? Oh, yeah, I enjoy
traveling. Now. I would hope that a guy would say, Oh, you
know, where are you going? Like, is it for work pleasure? Not
every man's gonna take the bait and like, ask a question. But
sometimes you might have to, you know, put the questions out
there because some people are just not good at like the
texting, you know, communication and asking and
answering questions. But you can practice that. And then so
going in with that kind of question or looking at their
profile and seeing something that they post and asking more
about it being curious about it. Like, hey, I, I saw you put that
you you like to do Frisbee golf in your spare time. I've never
heard of that. Like, I think I remember, you know, in college,
some of my guy friends would go do it, but I never knew what
that was. Tell me more about that. Did you see how it's like
you're you're you're pulling them into that conversation. So
it's not that like, Hey, how are you? Oh, great. I had to work.
Oh, what are you? What are you doing this weekend? Oh, nothing
just watching Netflix. Like you see how sometimes it can get
kind of boring. Be open to having some of those
conversations. And once you've had a couple of those back and
forth, you know, I would really like to jump on a zoom call. So
we can, you know, see each other face to face. And just learn a
little bit more about each other. Would that be cool with
you? Are you free? Such and such day, either of these times, and
then give them options and see it sounds like you're doing
great with throwing it out there. And I think that's great.
If you're comfortable jumping in, go for it. But again, I will
say to kind of limit the those awkward pauses and like, we're
if someone's not a great like talker, come ready with
questions. And then as well, if you've had a little bit of
exchanges, you might be able to pull some dialogue from what
you've exchanged and like learning more about what they do
and what they like. Okay.
Yeah, I think I'm gonna have to go back and look at well on
Facebook, there's not really much on there a little profile
in the dating thing. So I'll try to pull something so for the
conversation photos, I mean, look at their photos, like if
they have photos of like a big giant mountain in the back, be
like, hey, like, so is that a trip that you went on? Like, do
you enjoy hiking? Like, you know, what kinds of things do
you like to do outdoors? I mean, if you're an outdoorsy
person, and you would like someone to be outdoorsy with
you? I mean, be like, hey, so I love being in the outdoors. Is
that something that you're interested in? If so, what kinds
of things do you do in outdoors? I mean, again, you're gonna
start learning a little bit more about a person and that that
helps. That helps the flow of conversation. And here's the
thing, ladies, people like to talk about themselves. They
like, like, I'm one of those people. I like to talk about
myself. I like to see how I relate to somebody. And and
that's how I form relationship with people is I find things
that we have in common. So be ready with some questions. And
then when you have those questions, be ready to answer
your own question. That sometimes happens to like, hey,
like, what's your favorite vacation you've ever been on?
And then they'll tell you and then they're like, how about
you? And then you're like, Oh, I don't I don't know. Like,
the question. I don't know if any of you ladies got to see the
spirit mate match event that we had. We put it in replay. We
invited you ladies in phase two. And I loved what Jackie did is
that she asked
She was helping one of the guys with questions,
or the one guy with question and she was like,
okay, answer this question
and then pick one of the ladies to answer that same question.
He had to answer the question and share a little bit about himself,
and then they were.
Again, if we're going back to the travel,
I think there was a question like,
what's your ideal place for travel, mountains or beach?
He's like, I love the beach.
I'd love to go to Hawaii or something like that.
How about you?
Then one of the ladies was like,
oh, I really like the mountains because I like to go hiking.
You see how he answered and then opened it up.
Now, I sometimes like to ask them first because I don't want to think that
they're responding to my question because of how I responded.
I'll put it on them and then if they don't ask me a question
after because some guys just don't ask questions,
then I'll say, oh, that's really interesting.
I can maybe make a comment about what they answered and then be like,
my favorite ideal vacation,
the most fun I've ever went on was when I went on a cruise.
I just loved how there was so many activities to choose from.
I could eat whenever I wanted.
I enjoyed being able to have a fine dining experience and that just made it fun
because I didn't have to do any of the planning because typically I'm a planner.
I enjoy going on vacation when I don't have to make the plans.
Do you see how I already hit,
they learned a little bit about me.
I answered my question,
but then I got to tell them how I'm a planner,
but I don't always like to be the one planning.
You see how you can throw in some of parts of
your personality based on your own answers to questions.
Then hopefully they can, oh, yeah,
I'm not a planner.
I don't like planning things.
I like just having people,
I'm go with the flow.
I like to be spontaneous.
Now you see how you learned a little bit about them.
It's just that flow of communication.
Sometimes with men, it takes a little pulling out of them.
Luckily, my husband was not like that,
but I'm definitely more of the talker in our relationship.
But he will entertain me with conversation as well.
Well, ladies, I hope that helps.
I hope you-all had fun.
I always love these calls.
One of these days, I feel like the last couple of weeks,
I have lacked on getting us to breakout rooms.
My goal for next week,
the activation I'm going to do for
myself is make sure that we get to those.
But what I want to activate you ladies,
I know I've got 1, 2, 3, 4,
5 of you on,
and anybody watching in a replay,
you've made it this far.
Your activation for the week is
to let us know a little bit about you.
Under the wins tab on our community page,
I want you to go post a photo of you
doing an activity that you enjoy the most.
Let's start getting to know each other.
I want to see all the fun things that you do.
What makes you you?
What takes up your time?
What do you like to do the most?
I know Shawnee is awesome about
posting photos and doing these activations.
If you need some inspiration,
definitely check out some of her posts.
She's got lots of fun things.
She showed us a cute outfit that she had.
She looked hot, y'all.
Take some encouragement and some inspiration from her,
and let me see all the awesome things that make you you,
what you love, what you enjoy.
Maybe it's a picture of you with your family,
with your kids, with your grandkids,
whatever that is.
Mine will probably be a photo of watching
baseball.
My youngest is in travel ball,
and I thought we were done,
and then he got asked to play up in a tournament this weekend.
I'm back at the baseball fields this weekend,
and I actually love it.
It's fun for me,
and we enjoy going as a family.
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm going to post a photo of me
We enjoy going as a family.
That's exactly what I'm going to do with us this week.
I'm going to probably take my other kids with me.
They enjoy watching as well,
and they like the families and stuff like that.
I will probably post a photo of watching some young nine,
well, my son is nine,
but he's playing up with 10U team.
It will be with some 10-year-olds playing baseball.
All right, ladies.
I'm going to just quickly pray this out,
and then I'm going to send you on your way.
Don't forget about the eight o'clock special session
with Jackie tonight.
She's going to tell you how to navigate
level two relationship, all right?
So it's going to be good, all right?
You're going to get some real good information there
that's going to help you here in this phase.
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you
for each and every one of these women.
Lord, I just ask that you bless them this week.
Lord, help them come out of their shells.
Help them come out of hiding.
Let them know and be secure
in your protection over them, God.
I thank you for the love story you already have written
for each and every one of them,
and how it is going to bless the kingdom.
They're going to impact your kingdom
because their marriages are going to make a difference.
And it's going to just pass all generations,
go through all generations.
And Lord, I thank you for the reconciliation
and the redemption of breaking generational curses, Lord.
I thank you for that.
And Lord, I just, again, I just pray over each one
of these women and their spirit mates as well,
and help them prepare their hearts,
and help their spirit mates prepare their hearts as well.
And just, again, remind them that you love them,
you care for them, and you only give good, perfect gifts.
And their husbands are going to be a gift to them,
and they are going to be a gift to their husbands.
So thank you, Father, in your son's mighty name,
we pray, amen.
All right, ladies, have a blessed rest of your day,
and I hope to see you all on tonight, okay?
Take care.
Bye.