All right, so welcome to Love Seats.
If this is your first Love Seat, we're so glad that you're here.
Hopefully you're here from phase two, phase three, and the men's group.
We wanted to invite phase two tonight, so hopefully they got the memo that they were
invited tonight, because this is a time when we just have an open forum of dating and relationship
questions.
And before we get started tonight, I am going to do a few housekeeping items, but before
I even do that, I want to see a hand.
Use your little yellow avatar hand.
Don't just raise your hand, okay, because we can't see you.
Raise your little yellow avatar hand.
Some of you have figured out how to make that a skin tone hand, and that's cool too.
If it's a skin tone, that's fine.
But raise that little virtual hand if you are in a level two or up relationship right
now.
You are talking to someone, it's getting more and more serious, or perhaps you're already
being exclusive in that relationship.
Maybe it's gone past exclusivity, and now it's a marriage-minded courtship happening.
I'll give you guys a few minutes to get those hands up.
I see two, four, six, eight.
All right.
Anybody else?
Level two or beyond?
Going once?
Going twice?
All right.
Eight of you.
Nine.
I'm sorry.
All right.
Wonderful.
Okay.
I'm going to go ahead and put all your hands down.
Thanks for that.
Okay.
I'm your little housekeeper.
You guys, we are in such a fun era of last year single.
I cannot tell you, I'm almost giddy because some things that are on the horizon are things
that I have wanted to do for so long, and I like to have fun.
I'm an Enneagram seven.
I like to have fun.
I prioritize fun.
In fact, when it's not fun anymore, I have a tendency to not want to do it.
I don't not do it because I'm also an Enneagram eight.
I'm a seven eight.
When my seven is just like, this isn't fun, my eight kicks in and is just like, but you're
going to do it anyway.
I'm like, okay.
Yeah, I am.
All right.
It's all good.
I'm not going to run out on you when things get hard, obviously, because I'm still here.
We do have some fun things coming in this era, and one of those things is JackieDorman.com.
You guys, have you ever noticed that there's no JackieDorman.com?
Haven't you ever wondered about that?
Like, hey, Jackie doesn't have a website.
What's up with that?
It's a long story, and it has to do with old partnerships and legal contracts and all kinds
of crazy, but I will tell you that JackieDorman.com is coming soon.
All right.
The best way that you can keep up to date on that kind of stuff is to follow me on Instagram.
So if you do not follow me on Instagram yet, please follow me.
It's JackieDorman.
Remember, Dorman only has one O. Some of you still email us, even though you have to type
in admin at JackieDorman.com, and you still call me Jackie Dorman.
I don't know how this is possible, since you just typed it in the thing, okay?
So it's JackieDorman.com, but it's Jackie Dorman official, official.
The word official has two Fs, O-F-F-I-C-I-A-L.
You're like, Jackie, why does it have to be official?
Because it's what was available, because someone else had Jackie Dorman.
I don't know who that person is, but they had it, and then you had to put a number after
it, and someone had Jackie Dorman up to like 400 and something, so that's why.
There's a lot of Jackie Dormans out there, apparently, which is really interesting, right?
And so it's official that I am Jackie Dorman, and that is my Instagram, and it also has
a little blue checkmark.
So if you don't see a little blue checkmark, then that's not me, even if it has a picture
of me.
It's not me, unless you see the little blue checkmark.
You might be like, Jackie, why do you have a little blue checkmark?
Doesn't that cost $15 a month?
Yes, I'm glad you asked.
It does cost $15 a month, and you know why I have it?
Because I don't want people soliciting money from people pretending to be me.
That's why.
That happens all the time, doesn't it?
And we do not want that happening here, so if you do not see that little blue checkmark
on Instagram, then it's the wrong account.
It's a fake account.
It's not me, and report it while you're at it.
If you don't see the little blue checkmark, make sure you report that account as not being
real.
Make sure that you look real closely, though.
Don't be reporting me as a not real account.
In fact, forget the reporting.
I feel like someone's going to report me accidentally, and then Instagram's going to delete me.
Don't report anything, okay?
No reporting.
All right, so go follow me over there, because that is where I will announce things.
I'll announce it in here, too, but things like just the
website launching. Okay, so that's almost launching. But what does that mean for you?
You're an insider. Okay, you are at the you are the priority level of anything and everything
that we do. And so if you see something over there, and you're like, Hey, why are these people
getting this? They're not, they're not getting anything better than you. Anything that you see
over there that's being talked about. All it is is bait to try to get them in here. Okay, that's it,
I promise you. And so do not get any panties and any wads. Just understand that you are the
priority and everything good will always come to you first. Cool. All right. That being said,
guess what? Today we were talking about launching our merch line. Who wants some merch? Who wants
merch? You guys I already had sticker packs design. They're so fun. You can declare it your
last year single on your laptop on your coffee mug. You can say it's my last year single fixer
uppers are for houses and not spouses. Right? It doesn't have to be easy just has to be worth it.
There's all kinds of little isms in that sticker pack, all kinds of fun things. And guess what?
You can get the toucan. You can get a toucan sticker. Doesn't that sound fun? You could slap
that sucker somewhere and no one will know what it means. But you when someone asks you, Hey,
what's that toucan all about? Well, I'm glad you asked. What about those t-shirts that everyone
wants with the QR code on the back saying, you know, are you single or will you marry me? They
scan it. They end up in this community, you know, kind of fun stuff. We don't want those QR codes to
go directly to you because we don't want people stalking you. That's weird. We don't want to do
that. We also don't want to be liable for that. But these are things that our team we're talking
about today. As far as merch, coffee mugs, hats, you guys, we have a prayer journal that I actually
finished this morning. That's a companion to the heart work, a prayer journal that you can have
with prompts in it for your future wife, for your future husband, all kinds of fun things coming out
in time for Christmas so that you can have that stuff. And I believe that those things are
activations. Guess what? The coveted blue bracelets are back. You know, you want these, you guys, we
get success stories written into us about these bracelets. Hey, I saw Jackie at an event. She gave
me a bracelet. She prayed over me, and now I'm married. Is it the bracelet? No, but it's the faith
that gets activated when you get the bracelet. And inside, Jeremiah 616. Outside, last year single. And
it glows in the dark. Bonus! It's a spotlight. It's a spotlight for you. Why is it blue? I'm glad you
asked. Because blue is the color of covenant. Blue is the color of the vow. It's the color of loyalty,
fidelity. It also is the old new borrowed blue kind of rhyme that we say around American
marriages. I don't know if they do that in other countries. The reason why blue was the thing that
the bride would have stashed away on her somewhere is because blue was thought to ward off the evil
one. And so I kind of like that too. Pretty superstitious, also very historic. So it's blue,
and it glows in the dark. Imagine yourself at church, because all churches are dark now, right?
Smoke machines, worship. You got your hand raised to praise the Lord, and you're glowing. And a man
or a woman sees you from across the room, depending on what gender you already are, okay? Don't get it
twisted, and don't write into us. Like, is Jackie promoting gender fluidity? No. You see them from
across the room, and you're like, who's glowing over there? Who is it? I must know. And then the story
begins. All right. I know I'm being goofy, but that's my middle name. So we have those. We're
going to have those for you. If you come to a last year single event, you're going to get those. We're
going to have those on hand, okay? Those will be in your little swag bags as well. We activate them.
We'll pray over them. We do believe that it's kind of like Paul's handkerchief. We believe
that these carry an activator, because anything that activates your faith, faith is the thing
that causes the miracles, okay? And so all kinds of fun merch and swag and events.
We are declaring 2025, and we try to do this a little bit with 24, but I'm historically ahead
of the curve. I always have been my whole life. I kind of prophetically see things far off,
and I try to make them happen in a different sort of timeline than what they happen in,
but I'm very, very sure that the things that we were able to accomplish in 24 have paved the way
for 25 being, ready? An in-person year. An in-person year. Does that mean we won't have
online staff? No.
Of course, we're gonna have all kinds of online offerings
to better you spiritually with your relationship with God,
yourself, others, romantically, all the things,
financially, all the things.
We're always expanding.
We're gonna expand actually into some affiliations
with people that can help you break into other communities
and meet even more people.
You know, we're expanding.
We're in an expansion season in last year's single.
But we're gonna have more in-person offerings.
So we're working with the Single City Moderators.
We're adding single cities.
In fact, whoever hears from the team,
put up the new single cities that are in preparation
to be added right now.
We added a few already.
We added Colorado Springs.
We're gonna be adding a Phoenix, Arizona.
We're gonna be adding a New Jersey.
We're gonna be adding possibly a Boston in the future.
Not right now, not in the next couple weeks, but soon.
I'm gonna be doing a singles,
a joint, like collaborative singles conference
in Jersey in March of 2025.
And all kinds of different singles groups
from Boston, from Hartford, from DC, from New York,
from Jersey are gonna be involved in that.
It's gonna be quite something.
And I think that some more single cities will be birthed
out of that event as well.
Okay, so other single cities that are being added
are not coming to my mind right now,
but if we have a team member on, I think I saw Bethany,
she can put, oh, she's putting it up now, okay.
If you live somewhere where you think
that there is a singles community
that are sheep without a shepherd,
and you want to volunteer as Tribute
to be the person that moderates that group,
email us at admin at JackieDorman.com
and just put single city question or single city,
potential single city or single city
and whatever the city is in the subject line
so that we know what your email is about
and it gets to the right person before they even read it.
So 2025 is an in-person year and we're ramping up to that.
You guys, hold on a second, let's look.
Hold on, let's look here.
I take my glasses off so I can see.
All right, that's what I thought.
You guys, there's 71 days to 2025, 71 days.
You know what that is?
Plenty of time to meet someone, plenty of time, okay?
Seriously, it's plenty of time.
In fact, I'm reminded of a fun story.
One of our very first success stories,
one of our very first marriages, Monique,
she heard me say that back in the day,
she heard me say that back in the day in 2020
when in October this very month, I said that same thing.
I said, before the holidays,
one of you is gonna meet the man,
because it was all women back then, guys,
so don't be offended,
but I'm gonna include you guys in it too.
One of you is gonna meet the man,
but now for you guys,
one of you is gonna meet the woman or the man
that you're gonna marry someday.
You're not gonna get married before the holidays,
please don't do that,
but you are gonna meet the person
that you're going to marry before the holidays.
And she said that she felt like that was a word to her,
like she felt it, it hit her, and she was like, whoa.
And she had one day left on a paid dating app,
I forget which one, maybe eHarmony, maybe Match, something,
but she only had one day left after that session,
and she was gonna cancel.
So she decided to take one more tour around her inbox.
There was a message from a guy, she messaged him back,
they got each other's contact information,
and they're married now.
That's a true story, that's a true story.
So grab it, okay?
Guys, we've had several weddings this week.
This week, we had several weddings.
Do you guys know that we get engagement announcements
pretty much every week?
Every week, we get them.
Now, some of those people break up and don't get married.
Don't get it twisted.
And we do our best to break them up if we can.
Meaning, we're gonna do our best
to not let you marry someone you shouldn't marry, okay?
We can't control you, you don't have to listen to us,
but we will voice what we can voice.
If we think, danger, danger, okay?
But that doesn't happen very often,
so I don't want you to get afraid of that.
It doesn't happen very often at all.
And most of those engagements do go all the way
to the altar to marriage.
But every week, we get an engagement announcement.
Every once in a while, we have a random week where we don't,
but most of the time, we do.
What does that mean to you?
It means we have a marriage funnel.
And if you're not in it yet, it can happen that fast.
It can happen that fast, all right?
I remember.
For Carla, who's our phase two coach,
for those of you that are in phase two,
put your little hands up if you're in phase two
and you were invited in to be part of Love Seeds tonight.
Let's see the little avatar virtual hand
for the phase two folks that are here visiting tonight.
You guys, everyone, everyone give a little high five
to the phase two ladies.
They're gonna be down here in community with us soon.
So good to see y'all.
Okay, so one of your coaches,
one of your peer coaches, Carla,
she's a success story from this program.
And I wanna tell you, her give a darn was busted.
She was done.
She was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
She had never been married before.
She had a son with a dad that was not showing up.
She was basically single parenting.
She was tired, okay, as my grandpa would say.
And she was just about throwing the towel.
She had been in the community for two years.
She had not had really any quality dates
and a lot of that was her, okay.
She had some stuff that she had to work through.
And now she's helping you work through your stuff
because she knows what that stuff looks like
because she had to work through her stuff.
And then one day I remember she posted
and she's just like, I'm done.
And so I was like, I messaged her.
And this is back when the community was a lot smaller
and I messaged people.
So don't get offended if I haven't messaged you
because I don't do that anymore for the most part.
And I said, hey, let's jump on a call.
We jumped on a call and I talked to her.
I prophesied over her.
I told her what I thought the Lord was saying,
activated her.
She met her husband like less than a week later.
You guys, and I don't want you to get the wrong emphasis,
okay, the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable
from that story.
It wasn't me that caused that to happen.
It was a shift of her faith, okay.
She already was a little popcorn kernel about to pop.
I just had a little bit more oil to the pan.
That's all.
We just had a little more oil to the pan.
All right, so we're cooking with oil.
Okay, so single cities, we're gonna invest in those.
We're gonna invest in those leaders.
We're gonna get some fun spirit mate match events
going on in those single cities
where you can invite your friends
and you don't have to feel like you're scared
that it's gonna be weird
or it's gonna be 500 women and a half a man,
one half of a guy, not even a full guy,
just a half, just a half a guy.
That's not gonna happen, okay,
because we're gonna curate those situations
and make sure that they're great.
All right, we just had a single city
moderator leader meeting on Sunday.
We're having another one tomorrow night.
You guys, we're gonna invest in that.
And then last trip single, we launched it this year.
We didn't get a lot of trips out.
Once again, I was way ahead of the curve.
I was like, hey, this will be easy.
We can have 15 trips this year.
And my team's like, Jackie, stop,
because it's a lot harder than it seems, a lot harder.
But we did have an amazing trip to Cartagena, Colombia.
We had a conference there.
Guess what?
That's an annual trip.
We're going back.
Get ready, y'all.
We're going back in April.
You're gonna wanna come to that.
It was so fun the last time.
And this time we're staying at a five-star hotel.
Y'all, my husband and I got a massage
at this five-star hotel.
And when I say five-star,
in America, five-star may not actually be five-star.
You may pay the price, but it's just not that fancy.
It's not that bougie.
There in the walled city, five-star means five-star.
We went to the spa in this hotel.
We didn't stay at this hotel,
but we went to the spa at this hotel.
And we went there and we received for $200 a piece
what it would cost you at least 15 to $2,000
in America to receive.
A whole half a day spa package of the five-star level.
And that will be included in your retreat when you come.
We're gonna stay at that hotel this time.
We're gonna stay at that hotel.
And a five-star hotel like that in America,
which probably wouldn't really be five-star,
but let's say it's like the Wynn in Vegas
or maybe the Ritz Carlton, that would cost you what?
Probably $1,000, $1,200 a night there.
It's like $200 a night.
And you can split that
with the person you share the room with.
It's crazy.
Okay.
And we're gonna go to the Rosario Islands
and we're gonna take a salsa dance class.
We did that last year.
The ladies had so much fun
and then we got dancing afterwards.
And it's a co-ed event.
If men wanna come, you can come.
Guys and girls, everybody.
Okay, so we love Columbia.
We're going back.
You guys only get three hour flight from Miami.
It's not hard to get there.
You do need a passport.
So if you don't have a passport for 2025,
this is your sign to go get yourself one.
All right.
So that's the only last trip single
that I'm gonna announce for 2025,
but we are gonna have lots of little events
in the single cities.
Okay, one day retreats.
We're gonna have a singles conference here in Austin.
There's a singles.
conference for sure in March in Jersey and we're gonna have a lot of other
trips planned if there's someplace that you would love love love to see the
singles go whether it's a cruise oh we are also gonna definitely do a last
trip single to southern Florida we're so glad you guys we had that plan for this
year and something in my gut was just like oh this this isn't working out it
feels forced I don't want to do it do you guys know that the dates that we had
booked for that hotel and for that retreat where the hurricane dates they
were the hurricane dates that would have been a mess because either we would have
been there and then stuck there and just all messed up or people to lost their
money or they would have you know lost their plane tickets or whatever they
would have lost they would have lost on that and so thank you God for keeping us
from making that decision and so if there's some place that you're like
please please please please plan a trip to this place I've always wanted to go
here and I don't have anyone to go with let us know okay all right and then of
course you guys more people in this intake process of phase one of spirit
match are filling out their profiles thank you so much continue to fill out
your profiles so that we can have so much fun who had so much fun at the
dating game and single spotlights the other night and now I'm dropping single
spotlights in the groups dropping single spotlights of women in groups and men in
groups I'm gonna put a post up ladies for you and men for you in your groups
and it's basically just gonna say I don't want to be spotlighted in public
on social media and if that's you you're just gonna respond in there we're not we
haven't spotlighted anyone in public on social media okay but if you do not want
to be spotlighted to my social media following which is vast okay because I
have a huge list as well on email then you're gonna let us know and we're gonna
make sure that you don't get spotlighted okay and remember the
spotlight doesn't say your last name it doesn't say where you live you know like
the city you live in just the state and you know people have to come through us
to get to you anyway and if people try to get to you through your DMS you don't
gotta risk you don't gotta you don't gotta answer so just so you know all
right so don't be scared please all right so love seats so tonight is a is
basically a town hall it's an open forum of questions and I will answer
them the best I can if I don't have an answer then we'll just all kind of talk
about what we think the answer might be all right and so we do have a couple
volunteers to jump into the love seat if you want to volunteer to jump in the
love seat put it in the chat and Bethany's here tonight that's amazing
you guys give it up for Bethany isn't she amazing give it up give it up for
her put little hands up isn't she incredible I can tell you we could not
do what we do without her all right seriously we could not it would it would
be it would not be good it would not be great it would not be amazing all right
so we're so thankful for her and our whole team all of our team moderators
volunteers everyone but Bethany is is the glue that holds a lot of this
together so be nice to her I don't know how you couldn't be but if you're not
we're coming for you all right so let's jump in the love seat and if you want
to get in the love seat go ahead and let her know and then you guys you can also
answer these questions you can also give feedback in the comments as well you know
you can put up questions that you want we'll do a little popcorn round here in
a little while and we'll just you know answer a bunch of questions if you're
gonna get in the love seat I need you to not give me five years of backstory I
need you to tell us what you want to ask within 120 seconds cool all right we're
gonna go ahead and start with Erica from Maryland hey girl hi Jackie um I guess
my question is um what are your thoughts on dating a Jewish guy he is not a
Messianic Jewish and he's also not a orthodox Jewish he dominate himself as a
traditional Jewish so he goes I don't know so he goes to synagogue he goes he
does right and today was actually our second date okay so you guys I know this
is not a popular opinion and please if you don't have grace to receive this
then it's not for you did you hear what I just said if you don't have grace to
receive this then it's not for you all right but I don't think that was last
year but maybe the year before so maybe 2022 I did a session on people who were
going to their spirit mates were people who were coming in different harvests
okay there's a great harvest that's happening and it's gonna increase you
you
guys. So make sure you're you're coming to Supernatural Saturday this week because
it's going to be fire. All right. So it's going to increase. The harvest is going
to increase. And some of you have the grace to be married to someone that's not
an unbeliever, but they are a pre-believer. They don't fully know what they believe
yet. They have not had the opportunities that you have had to receive Jesus the
way that you have received Jesus. OK, but they definitely they definitely have the
potential to. Now, I'm not telling you to go out and missionary date. I hate when
people use that word. And once again, if you don't have the if you don't have the
grace to receive this and don't receive it. But, you know, Jewish people are part
of our lineage, aren't they? You know, they are now they have not they're waiting
for the Messiah. They don't know that Jesus is Messiah. That's not been revealed
to them. And the ones that it has been revealed to, they have they worship Jesus.
But I will tell you, because I'm friends with Hebrews, I have friends that are
Jews that believe that Jesus is Meshuach, that he is Messiah. They don't call
themselves messianic think that that's a white person word. OK, we use that word a
lot to describe Jewish people, real, true Hebrews that have converted to Christianity.
But I will tell you, they don't give up their Jewish traditions. They don't. You
know why? Because Jewishness is not a religion. It is a ethnicity. It's important
that you understand that it's a people group. It's not just a religion. And so so
my short answer is I think that it could work. All right, you're going to need a
lot of a lot of conversations as you go forward, I think that it could work for
somebody. Can it work for Erica? I don't know. I would need more information. I
would need to know about this man. What is he doing? What kind of self-improvement?
How hungry is he for more? There's so many things that go into that answer.
Right. Yeah, I just kind of want to get your advice moving forward, because so far
what I've seen in this man is just good fruit. And, you know, so yeah, so I guess
sorry, you said what you see in him is what I didn't get that word. Good fruit. Oh,
good fruit. Yes. Let's please let's be fruit inspectors, you guys. And he, you
know, he has indicated that he has read the New Testament. He's been to Christian
churches, but I guess he stays, you know, close to his culture and traditions,
which I respect. And, and I agree with you, you you have to be open minded. And,
and, yes, but definitely, I would like to continue to talk to him. And when the
time comes, maybe I will seek for coaching. Okay, with you. Thank you,
Jackie. And just you guys, if any of you find yourself in a situation with someone
who's not traditionally Christian, the way that you expected your, you know,
romantic life to go, but you do see good fruit in them, you see kindness, you know,
you see the fruit of the Spirit, you see joy, you see peace, you see kindness, be
very prayerful about it, pray before those dates, before those hangouts, you
know, ask the Lord say, God, you know, I've met this person for a reason, I see
good fruit in them, you know, I need you to, you know, really show me what I need
to see. And I need you to guard my heart. So just be praying those things, guys,
please do not be afraid of people that do not come from denominational
backgrounds like you. Please do not be afraid of people that are not like you.
Don't be afraid of that, whether it's their skin color, whether it's their
background, whether it's their culture, whether it's their, you know, country,
whether it's their language, whether it's a different denomination of
Christianity. Don't be afraid of people. You don't have to ever be afraid.
Remember, you're God defended. You are God defended. And as long as you're not
coming at dating from a place of desperation, the chances of you running
off with someone that's going to mess up your life is zero. Okay, it's a zero
chance if you're not coming from a place of brokenheartedness and desperation
and trying to shove a person in a God shaped hole. Stick close to community,
show up, ask questions like this, not just on love seats, but also ask Jackie,
I know we've had a little sabbatical with that, but we're coming back. So I was
gone for the entire month of September. And also in your group, you have coaches
in your group. And guess what, if you ask a question that your peer coaches in
your group don't feel qualified to give you any kind of feedback on, they alert
me. They tell me, and they tell the other, you know, master coaches in our program
about that question. And we all talk about it.
give feedback, okay?
So it isn't just like, well, you know, the, you know,
Jackie and them, they don't, you know, they're not,
they're not present.
We are present.
You just don't know it.
All right.
Okay, so let's see, we got Leah.
Leah or Leah?
Which is it?
I'm having some trouble on muting.
Oh my gosh, technology is the best.
You did it.
I did.
Okay, how do you pronounce your name?
Leah.
Leah, got it.
Princess Leah, made a memory, done.
Okay, go ahead.
So I started talking to a guy about a month ago.
I'm in Colorado.
He's in New York City.
This was a family friend that connected us.
In the beginning, he had talked about coming out here.
He's got some friends in Colorado Springs,
which is where I live, and was like,
I could just come see them,
and then we could get time together.
He knows that I am going to New York City
in December to see family.
And he knew that before he mentioned
possibly coming out here.
He hasn't brought it up again.
This was like maybe the first week.
I could tell he was really interested.
He has continued to affirm his interest,
but he has not brought the trip up again.
And I, like in a voice memo
where I shared a few different things,
at the end of the voice memo, I was like,
hey, just wondering if you're still planning
on coming out here in November.
Just things are starting to fill up
and I want to make sure to leave time for you.
And he responded to everything in my voice memo
except that question.
And so my mind is just filling in the blanks.
He's got three teens.
Is he feeling overwhelmed by life?
Does he not think it's gonna be feasible to come out
and is just waiting for me to go to New York?
But that will be like two and a half months
of talking without meeting.
Okay, so let's talk.
Let's just, okay, let's stop there
and let's answer a few questions
and give some advice and we can go forward, okay?
So you guys, this is for everyone.
If you need to follow up on something
like what Leah's talking about,
where someone has said that they were gonna come and visit,
or someone has said that, hey, they could be local,
but they've said, hey, next Tuesday,
we're gonna go out to eat or we're gonna go to this concert,
I'm gonna get us tickets, whatever.
Something that someone threw out,
but then they have not mentioned since, okay?
But you've been talking to them.
It's not like they ghosted you.
It's not like they disappeared.
You know, you're still in contact with them.
They're just not talking about that subject.
When you bring it up, and you have to, and you should,
and I'm proud of Leah for doing it,
do not hide it in the mashed potatoes, okay?
Don't hide it in the mashed potatoes, okay?
That's how you feed kids stuff
that they don't wanna eat, like broccoli.
Try to hide it in the mashed potatoes, right?
So that they can eat it.
Don't hide the pill in the peanut butter.
Only, so the way she could do that,
and the way she's gonna have to do that now
is she should have said, hey, I'm planning my schedule,
and it's filling up, are you still coming?
Nothing else.
Nothing else sandwiching it, nothing else around it.
The reason why we try to hide it
in the peanut butter or the mashed potatoes
is because we're scared of the answer,
or because we feel bad that we have to ask,
we feel kind of embarrassed,
like are they gonna think we're pressuring them?
No, y'all, they brought it up,
and there's two scenarios here.
First scenario is, is there one of those people like me
that says a lot of stuff, but then can't follow through
because they're like,
how am I logistically gonna make that happen?
It sounded like a good idea.
Their little Enneagram seven got ahead of them.
Or number two, they're just not a planner,
and then there's a number three,
and the number three is they just can't make it happen,
and they're kind of hoping you forgot about it.
All right, so regardless of which one of those there is,
if he just hasn't planned it yet,
but he's still wanting to do it,
which doesn't sound like that's the one
because he did not address it
in your little mashed potato sandwich,
you're gonna have to message him back.
He answers, you have to message him back and be like,
that all sounds great.
By the way, did you see the question
that I asked you about this?
Okay.
You're just gonna have to put it all by itself.
Okay, yeah.
I think I was hesitant to wondering
if it was coming out of my anxiety
and just if this needed to be something that I let unfold
and let him bring up, but I would really love some clarity.
Well, Leah, let me ask you a question.
I already know, I already know the answer, but I want to make sure that you say it out loud.
Whose idea was it? It was his. Exactly. Yeah. You have no reason to feel any type of way about it.
Yeah. And if he's like, yeah, man, I just can't make that happen. Like, okay, cool. That's cool.
That's okay. You know, um, we can see each other at this time. I mean, if you just cannot make it
happen, then this can't make it happen. You guys already know Leah's kind of newer. Cause I don't
recognize her. Um, right. How long have you been here? I joined phase three yesterday. Okay. Okay.
So, um, I do like long distance relationships have to go faster as far as meeting in person.
We got, we gotta, we gotta meet in person. So you guys would have been talking if you don't
see him till December in New York, how long will you've been talking before you actually meet?
Yeah, it'll have been two and a half months. Okay. It's not ideal. It's not terrible. I know
people that literally talk for like six, nine, a year before they actually end up meeting and no,
no, no, no, no. Okay. Cause you're going to, you're going to, you're going to catch,
you're going to catch feelings, right? You need to be catching flights, not feelings catch the
flights. Yeah. Right. Okay. So you can share costs, you can do whatever it is. And you can
say that to him, be like, Hey, I would love what, what kind of you're, you're visiting family in
New York. Okay. How do you feel? How do you, what's your family going to feel like if you're
meeting up with someone that you've been talking to? And if never met, I mean, are they going to
be, they can be cool with that? I, yeah, I would think so. Okay, good. Some people's families are
just like, what? This is a stranger off the internet. You've never met them before. Okay.
And he was introduced to me by a family friend. So there's like someone who's vouching for him
that. Oh, good. That's true. Family friend. I forgot that detail. So that's good. So yeah,
if you know, you don't get to get together until, did you say he has three teenage children?
He does. One's in college. And then, and that's the other thing I'm like single,
never been married. He has three teens and things are a little messy. There is infidelity. His wife
has an addiction. So he's got the kids a lot of the time. He's a super present dad. And so I think
I'm just also wondering like, is that what's happening as well as he's just kind of assessing
like where he's at in life and wondering how feasible it even is to come out here. And that
is what I'm not sure. Like, can I ask for clarity about what he's thinking or do I need to just wait
and let him share with me? No, I mean, no, what I think is, is I think that it's also possible
that he was really excited about you, but then, you know, reality hits and he's like,
can I ask this girl? You just described yourself. And he knows that about you can ask this pretty
girl who's never been married and doesn't have any of this baggage to come join the circus.
Can I really ask her to come join the circus? Because this is a circus. You just described
a circus. Okay. All right. We have a former wife who's unfaithful. That's got, she's an addict.
We have kids that are traumatized by that situation and they're teenagers. I mean,
it's a lot. Okay. And so you definitely, I'm not saying that it's not a thing and this couldn't
be your spirit mate because you know, God knows what we can handle. He knows it. But I think he
probably feels less than the whole package. Right. Without knowing him, I can imagine that he feels
a little, you guys have been FaceTiming. You see what he looks like, right? He's a real person.
He's a real person. He's a really good guy. He's been a hard few years. He was a pastor. They asked
him to step down after everything happened with his ex. So it's just, it's been rough. And I'm
like really aware of. Actually, I feel like he's a client of mine. Does his name begin with a J?
No. Okay. Wow. Doppelgangers. Okay. And you guys, that just goes to show you that
men are not always the ones that leave. They're not always the ones that cheat. They're not always
the ones that are, you know, addicts or, you know, whatever. Cause she just described a man that
sounds just like another man of mine. That is a great, amazing guy that has a very similar story.
So it just shows you that, you know, women are troubled too. Okay. So go ahead and don't ask
anything else. Just ask, Hey, you, do you think you're going to be able to make it out? Because
you know, and, and let them know, no pressure. I just need to know so that I can plan accordingly.
Are you going to say, Hey, did you see my question earlier? Did you see my question?
And then if he says no, then you guys can start a conversation about what does he really have
bandwidth for? That's good. Okay. That's a perfect segue. Yeah. It's perfect.
but keep keep us posted because we want to know more so much Jackie yes you're so cute so nice
to meet you okay all right we got Heather oh Heather hi Heather all right hands up let's go
hey Jackie hi um you mentioned a pre-believer so my question is kind of around that and also just
anxiety I'm feeling um September 22nd I met John through the Upward app Christian dating app
and so we first date was coffee at 10 in the morning and the date ended at 7 30 p.m.
because we enjoyed each other's company so much the date went all day long um second date same
thing uh like a five-hour date and we feel like we known each other a really long time
um third and fourth date was just this recent weekend and things have escalated to the point
where he's you know like I could see a future with you Heather I could see a future with you
and so what you're telling us is that he's an anxious attacher go for it keep going that doesn't
make him bad it just means that that he is and you need to know that all right keep going oh I
did not I didn't see that okay third date I can see a future with you that's kind of he said he
has never had this happen and I I feel the same I have never I'm very slow and cautious um but even
on the way there to meet for coffee I just had this sense from the Holy Spirit like that I'm
gonna feel really comfortable and you know probably be holding hands by the end of the
day and sure enough we were we were kind of like walking along the beach coupled up already just it
would have felt unnatural not to and interesting so part of my part of my fear right now is it
feels too good to be true like we both mutually feel this level of companionship camaraderie
it feels like a friend and that's been my desire is just to be okay so let's let's stop there and
let's coach around what you just said so let's talk about it feels too good to be true okay you
guys when you when you go through a lot of stuff when you've had a lot of ups and downs especially
in a certain area of your life it doesn't matter which area it is but this in this case all of you
it's romantically that we're talking about um and something starts to you know go the other direction
you're so used to things not working out or not being good or you know not being what you thought
they were that you do have that fear that this is also going to turn out that way and so we got to
address that okay so first of all we want to give that to the lord we want to talk to god about that
fear of you know of of you know just things going south or things blowing up you know so let's do
that for sure but at the same time it's not untrue and this is what i mean by that this might go
forward these two might end up being each other's spirit mates they might end up getting married but
this thing that's happening between them that's been going on for these three dates
that's not sustainable and it's not going to stop and it's it's it is too good to be true it's not
going to continue that way for the entire time you know each other you're going to have conflict
you're going to run into you know things that are not deal breakers but they're things that you
didn't expect to be part of your love story all right in each other in each other's situations
you know you guys are pretty much strangers to each other right you're pretty much strangers
you are you've only you've only been in person three times and how long just tell me just really
quickly how long since the first date to now how long has it been since you've known him
three weeks okay yeah three three weeks okay so very very um not known okay and so there's so
much to know there's so much to find out and in the finding out in the discovery process of all
that you're bound to run into things that challenge you challenge the relationship but they don't have
to be deal breakers i'm not saying it's going to be a deal breaker but i am saying that when you
start saying things like i could see a future with you just three weeks in and three dates in
that's a yellow flag for me okay because that's not sustainable to be saying that so early without
really truly knowing you so it's completely based on chemistry or physicality okay it's based on
person when i say chemistry that includes personality so what what's going on here
heather is you have found someone that you click with you guys click all right for all the dates
that were awkward and you're not
really sure, you know, and there just really isn't any chemistry.
This one is a click.
Now, I want all of you to know that a click does not mean spirit mate, but it
does mean that you're clicking, right?
There's, there's attraction on different levels, not just physical.
There's attraction on different levels.
You said you felt so natural.
You said it felt like it would be unnatural not to hold this stranger's
hand by the end of the first date.
Have you ever done that before?
Have you ever held someone's hand on a first date?
Have you ever kissed someone on a first date in your whole life?
Yeah.
Two years ago, a man asked me at the end, could I kiss you?
Just like one kiss.
But you didn't want to kiss the person.
I wouldn't have.
Yeah.
You've never felt like this level of click.
Right.
Never.
Okay.
So here's what I have to say to you.
Enjoy it.
Get to know each other.
Continue to go on dates, but don't plan a future yet.
Okay.
Continue to get to know each other.
Continue to allow it to unfold.
All right.
Remember your pacing coaching.
Okay.
There isn't any reason to rush into serious, exclusive marriage-minded
with someone you've only known for three weeks and three dates.
All right.
Let's circle back around after there's more dates and more time and more
conversations and more clicking or not clicking and let's see.
The other part is the spiritual piece.
I mean, obviously we met on a Christian dating app, but then on Sunday, I asked
him about just salvation and what he thought, and he basically was describing.
He, he thinks God sees everyone's heart.
And if you're a good person, kind of like you, if you're good,
you'll go to heaven kind of thing.
So I, I was so disappointed.
And I like laid out, you know, what I view, which is based on Jesus.
And so I was like, Oh, maybe we're, maybe he's not, doesn't really have saving
faith, but then I was like, maybe I'm just trying to find something wrong
because I'm so scared that this, well, I mean, he, he is half right.
So he obviously has some sort of, you know, some sort of ortho.
He was raised Coptic Christian.
Like his parents are from Egypt and he's from New Jersey and it's, you
know, super conservative Coptic, which he's left because he could
tell that it's all rituals.
But he's not in a church now, so he's just kind of open and he really, you
know, wants to be with a Christian and he's never been married and I've never
been married, 51 and I'm 55.
Okay.
And also, you know, let's talk about this.
Let's jump into this real quick.
I see that we have several people want to get in the love seat, but
I think this is important.
Let's talk about this.
You guys as a community.
Um, what happens when you're dating someone who, even if they are
professing Christian, okay.
Uh, they do not think that it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage.
Like they don't have any conviction is what they might say about that.
Um, but because you do, they say that they're willing to respect yours.
And that's exactly my case too.
Well, let me tell you what, usually they stop respecting yours somewhere in the
trajectory of relationship because they don't think it's wrong as you get closer
and closer emotionally and physically, there's going to be a lot of temptation
to, you know, be together physically.
And it's going to be, it's going to be frustrating because they do not hold that
moral or that conviction that that is not healthy, that it's not, um, and you
guys, I don't, I don't want to visit this a million times.
We're all grownups here.
God doesn't just talk to, to hear himself talk.
And this is not about legalism and it's not about religion.
Sex is not physical.
It is spiritual.
I know it seems like it's physical because your bodies have a really
big part to play in that movie.
I get it.
I understand, but it's spiritual.
It's a spiritual situation that happens.
This is why people get so whacked out from rape and incest and sexual abuse.
You guys see that?
If it was just physical, don't you think that we could get over sexual
abuse a lot faster than we do?
People carry those wounds for a lifetime.
Why is that?
Because they're sexual and spiritual in nature.
Those wounds attack your very identity.
That's why.
Okay.
And so I really want to encourage y'all.
This is not about making it to the marriage bed without having done
anything to each other's bodies.
Please don't make it legalistic.
because most people don't make it to the marriage bed without having done
something. All right, it's about understanding what sex is so that when
you do make it to the marriage bed that you respect and honor this beautiful act
that you are going to give, this gift that you're gonna give to each other,
okay, and a lot of times messy and sloppy and an amateur hour and it's not gonna
feel good at first and it's like at first physically it's gonna probably
suck, all right, but it's the intimacy of your emotions, of your
bodies, of your spirits that's going to feel great, all right, and so let's just
remember that, all right, it's really important that you remember that. Okay, so
it sounds like this guy, once again, I'm not gonna make any fast
judgments for you, Heather, this is what I am gonna say, this is what I feel like
the Lord is saying to me to say to you, God trusts you, you love him, all right, so
it's a yes until it's a no and if there is something that you need to see, God
will show you. Stick close to community, continue to tell us and weigh in, but I
think right now you're enjoying getting to know this person, just go ahead and
write it out, see what happens, you can trust yourself because God trusts
you, God is in you and just like your friend said, he said God sees the hearts,
he does see the heart, he was right about that, but what he isn't right about is
that the Bible says that there is no good thing in us, so if God sees that we
have a good heart, it's because he's in us and so yeah. I'm just so grateful for
you, Jackie, thank you so much for everything, I've just grown so much closer to the Lord
through this program. Yes, I'm so glad. All right, keep us posted. Okay. All right,
let's see, Victoria. Hi Jackie, thank you for everything you're doing and
everybody, I just want to say I really appreciate it. I'll try to be fast. Okay. I
went to the mountains last week and for me that brings a lot of clarity and
opens my mind to think more deeply about the Lord and everything and I realized
the Lord kind of helped me discover that there's a particular guy I like but I
just never acknowledged it because in the back of my head I always thought I
was wrong to like only go for one particular guy and for me I realized I
like a guy that kind of reminds me of a cowboy, like a rancher or a farmer and
I've been like that since I was little. I would watch cowboy movies, I would
watch cowboy movies and I like cowboy movies more than science fiction and
that was in the back of my mind and the Lord's like you like this type of guy. I
do. I just never acknowledged it and I always thought like it was wrong because
we shouldn't be like picky about what kind of guy we wanted. Okay, so I just
want to say one thing before you finish your question. I
just want to say one thing, you like cowboys because you love daddy, you love
your dad. I do. And that was something that you did with your dad and so you
have a fondness of the men that you saw on that screen because your dad admired
those men and you sat with him and you now admire those men and that's where
that type comes from. Y'all, our types come from somewhere, okay? And this is
where our friend Victoria's type comes from. Okay, keep going. And I always thought
I was wrong to only seek after a particular guy and then the Lord helped
me to realize in like a few days ago that I never had the faith to ask for
that type of guy because I just didn't believe I was had fit for it or just
like I didn't believe and there was part of me that didn't feel like I was good
enough to ask for that particular guy because to me it was just so far out
there and seemed so impossible. At the same time, the Lord helped me to realize
like it's not. So I just wanted to know what your thoughts about that are. Is it
okay to have a type of guy to go after? Like if you want to go after a guy who
fits that cowboy persona or should I just be open? Like that's what I'm
thinking. Anyway, it's just kind of hard to relate into a question because it's
just kind of fresh to me. No, no, it's great. It's wonderful and listen, you know,
and we talk about types all the time and so, you know, you have this type and
we've just kind of dug into a little bit of where your type comes from. I
don't think that's a negative thing but it is important for us to surrender that
pen to God, right? You might, you know, your spirit might not end up
a guy with cowboy boots in the closet and, you know, farming or
construction or, you know, outdoors working with his hands or he might but
if you surrender your pen
to the Lord, you know, he can change your attractions if necessary, if necessary.
But if you don't go out with someone just because, you know, they immediately don't
remind you of someone who's, you know, a farmer or country or a rancher or something like
that, then you might be missing out on a really great person.
And so my advice to you would be to, you know, go out with, you know, sample kind of from
the buffet, men that are not necessarily those kind of professions or look like that
on the outside, because you just really never know what you're going to like.
And if a cowboy asks you out, go out with him too.
You know, you're in a place right now where, you know, you get to, you know, just try out
whatever because you just like, you never know.
You don't.
You might like a banker.
You don't know.
A banker that likes to go out in, you know, and ride horses on the weekend.
You don't know.
Okay.
But I wouldn't don't feel bad.
Don't feel unworthy of your type.
And that might come back to dad again a little bit.
I don't know what your relationship with your dad was like, if you felt like he was emotionally
involved with you or loved you.
You know, obviously you wanted his attention and his affection and his approval.
That's why you were sitting there watching those Western movies with him.
But did you ever feel like you got it?
That's a question.
It's hard because my dad struggled with depression a lot.
So it was hard to tell where he was at emotionally because he didn't want to let on anything
was wrong.
Sure.
And if he did, he'd be quiet about it.
Like if something was wrong.
So sure.
Cause he's a man's man and that's what, and that's what his generation of men think they're
supposed to do.
So it's possible that winning the love, feeling unworthy of the love of a cowboy, but winning
the love of the cowboy might somewhere deep inside be some sort of victory for you with
dad.
And so just pray into that.
You don't have to answer.
Just pray into that because I'm positive God has a spirit mate for you.
And I'm positive they're going to be someone that you really are into.
Okay.
Great.
Thank you, Jackie, so much.
You're welcome.
All right, Stacy, you're up.
Hi, Jackie D.
Hi, Stacy B.
Um, so I have been talking to this guy, I met this guy on Facebook.
We chatted for a bit, Facebook dating, we chatted for a bit.
And then he's like, Hey, let's talk.
So we talked for about an hour and, um, he lives in San Antonio.
So we've got some things in common.
Like we don't have either, neither of us have any kids.
He's planted in church.
I'm planted in church.
And so just felt like there was a lot of commonality.
So we texted a little bit last week, and then I knew that he was doing like reviews for
his company.
And so he's all invested in that.
And so he texted me before the weekend, I went away for the weekend, I came back.
And so I texted him and he's like, yeah, I'm in the middle of all this stuff.
And my mind is just like a mess.
So part of me is like, okay, well, let your mind be a mess and you go on.
And then the other part is like, but I'm interested.
So um, and I have a feeling that he may be a workaholic, because he doesn't have a wife,
he doesn't have kids.
And from what he's told me, I can tell he's successful in in his, he's really grown in
his career.
Okay.
So my question is, should I just leave this alone now see if he reaches back out to me?
Because obviously, he's in the middle of doing all these, you know, work reviews?
Or should I wait a little bit, maybe text him again next week if I don't hear from him?
Okay, so all of us ladies, we need to know this.
And we do know it and we see to be reminded of it is that men do what they want to do.
Okay, they do.
Gentlemen, is it true?
Do men do do men go after what they want?
At some level?
Do they?
Okay.
And so, um, two scenarios here, neither one of them are that great.
Number one, you know, he just, he just isn't that interested enough to make time, like
maybe it was an interesting conversation, but he's over it, he's moved on.
And number two is that he and I and I'm sure he's probably not lying about being busy at
work in either scenario.
But the second and the second scenario is not what I really would like for you.
And that is, he is not in a season of his life where this is a top priority.
You know, he's not prioritizing this part of his life, which I'm leaning towards that
being.
the thing. I think that, you know, he's moderately interested in someone he's not, you know,
doesn't know and had a good, you know, a good repertoire with, but at the same time,
he isn't hungry enough for a relationship. You know, you're ready. You've done the work.
You're ready. You're ripe for the picking. And so I would leave it, you know, you already
volleyed back to him. He said he was super busy. How did you leave it after he said that? Did you
say, okay, we'll hit me up when you're free. What happened? I just left it. Oh, after he said,
I'm really busy with work. You didn't respond. Yeah. I did a thumbs up. He's like, I'm at home
now. And I've taken all of these reviews with me and my mind's melting. I don't even know how to
articulate it. Okay. And so I just, I just gave him a thumbs up. I gave him a thumbs up and that
was it. Okay. And he is a believer. He goes to church and all the things. He's all the things
that I like. Yeah. When it's all things you like. Okay. And how long ago did you do the thumbs up?
This was today. Oh, today you did the thumbs up. Is there any reason why you didn't give
words to that? Were you just mad? I mean, you're a woman of words. What's the thumbs up about?
I was a little mad. Yeah, I think so. Are you sure you didn't mean this instead?
On my game, I'm getting over food poisoning and I've never, I've never had food poisoning
and I didn't realize that I'm going to like pull the wind out of my sails. So I'm kind of like,
yeah, that's just so not like you. And that's why I was just like, okay, because you're so intense.
Like I'm food poisoning and I'm reaching out to you now. And yeah. Okay. So what time was that at?
It was probably about an hour and a half ago or so. So I would just, I would just follow up with
that. Like, Hey, I'm off my game too. I think I had a touch of food poisoning. So, you know,
praying that you get everything done and, you know, and when you come up for air, you know,
I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to hear from you when you come up from air and that's it.
And then that's his volley and you're done. Okay. Okay. Awesome. Stacey, we hope you feel better.
Thank you. Yes. You're going to feel better. You guys don't eat wherever Stacey ate. I don't know.
Where was it? It was a stadium in Houston. I went to monster trucks, the whole monster jam front.
Oh no. Their six-year-old son. We had a great time. We had a great time. We had a great time.
We had a great time. Don't ever get the garlic Parmesan chicken tenders at the NRG stadium in
Houston. No, nope. I'm not going to you guys. I'm not going to do this because if I do,
I'll go political. I just, just going to tell you it's 19 days till election vote for
non poisoned food. That's what you should vote for. Okay. All right. We're going,
we're keeping going. Abby, what do you got?
So I met a guy last week and he seems to be very interested in Chinese girl. And he lived in China
for seven years. He talked with me all the whole time in Chinese, which was great. And then,
but then we started to follow each other on Instagram. Right. And then it just happened
to see even the day I added him, I didn't see that. And the next day, I don't know whether
it's God or not. I saw like his following account, very like basically cooking, you know,
the women is half negative. So I was really irritated by it. And then, so there's not only
this is for this guy's like, I don't feel like I'm super interested, maybe like 50, 50. And then
when I saw the count, I'm like, shall tell him or not. But then he started to talk to me again.
And then I'm like, Hey, actually, I think there's something I feel bothered. Is that okay? I asked
you. So I asked him and he gave me an explanation. It seems like he's fine. Right? He's like, Oh,
I think you're right. I shouldn't follow someone like that. And he gave a reason or excuse. I don't
know whether it's true or not. But then he still talks with me, I start to feel like he's he was
not that interested. But then he's, but he's like, he sent me a message yesterday. He's like,
Hey, I don't want to, I don't need to walk work yesterday. I like today. I'm like, Oh,
seems he's fine. Right? But I feel like he's not, he was not that interested. But today,
because before we were talking about we were talking on the video, we do a video call.
So today, I'm like, do you want to do a video call? You know, because there's a lot of typing,
because I asked about his testimony, he talked a lot.
I'm like and then he's he's like actually I don't I don't I'm not that interested in you anymore
after you telling me about you know point out and he he basically used the word he of course he said
in Chinese but basically he thought I was accusing him then like a little bit surprised because he
seems to be fine because I was hesitant a little bit at the beginning I'm like when people think
I'm you know I'm too too strong come out too strong at first just you know after a few talks
point out stuff like that but I feel like I could not pretend like I didn't see it right because
it's right after my comp then like this is maybe God you know so just any size being God defended
is a real thing friends and God will show you what you need to see when you need to see it
and I really just want to applaud you for actually bringing it up you know you guys
if we are friends on social media and I know people who will not allow people that they're
talking to to follow them on social media you know for a lot of reasons they don't want them
to see their friends or family there they don't know them well enough to like let them into their
world that that um there's other reasons why people might not let you follow them on social
media and these these could be reasons as well because they know that they're following a lot of
you know accounts that are you know not Christian for sure but then not even not
Christian but like pornographic accounts and there's a lot of them you guys a lot of bikini
accounts and um you know a lot of and guys you know I don't want to just put this in the area
of pornography you know of course there could be women that are following half-naked men accounts
not usually men are the ones following those accounts too okay um but women have other
vices if you're friends with someone if you're friends with a girl that you're talking to
on Instagram and you see that everything that she talks about is materialistic she's following all
kinds of bougie brands and she's always talking about you know money and different things like
that then you can see where her heart is the Bible says that where your treasure is your heart will
be also right and so I'm proud of our sister here for calling him out on that I'm sure that you
weren't too strong you actually asked him could I'm bothered by something could I ask you about it
and he said yes and you asked him about it and he agreed with you that he thought
he agreed with you because he basically got caught that oh I shouldn't be following that
but then what happened was is he decided that it was too much trouble to pretend
for you you know whatever whatever designs he had on you it was too much work to try to
change who he is or fake change who he is in order to get whatever he was wanting from you
and I think after you mentioned that account he saw that you probably were a little bit
too prude or goody-goody for him in the first place because he had ulterior motives towards
you and so score you just you just you just dodged a bullet and did not waste however much time you
were going to be wasting with this guy pretending to be a good guy when he's not all right god help
him get him some help all right where'd she go she disappeared did you hear me did you hear my answer
yes I'm here I'm sorry yes I just lower my hand that that's very helpful because I feel like
today after this I feel like the enemy kind of attacked me again you say oh you're too much
you know why why you react to such a small things why you look at their accounts and stuff like that
yeah that's great thank you no you guys listen you know I'm not saying go be a detective on
Instagram but if a guy is following all kinds of nudie accounts and bikini accounts he's not
he's not he's not the guy for you okay um when I met David I was his neighbor and I wasn't trying
to date him but I also wasn't trying to be someone that I'm not and he let his daughter
play with these little scandalous dolls called brats and our daughters were really young I had
a six-year-old daughter and his daughter was nine years old and um they played together and she had
all these brat dolls okay all these if you don't know they they look like they look like little
prostitutes I call them prostitutes little prostitutes okay they got big lips and they
look all seductive and the hair and then they wear skimpy little outfits you know and stuff like
way worse than Barbie ever was and my daughter didn't have Barbies either and I wasn't being
religious I just thought that these these little dolls were really in fact it wasn't being religious
I was being more feminist than religion religious I really thought these dolls kind of set women back
a whole like generation because of just how sexualized they were and so I said to him one
day I was like why you let your daughter play with those prostitutes and he was like what I was like
those little prostitutes
baby dolls I was like and he's like what I was like those brat dolls and he was
like oh and he told me later remember we're just neighbors we're just getting
to know each other he told me later when we were dating that that was one of the
moments that he was like I could marry this woman because he saw that I was a
woman of good moral fiber and so Abby I want to tell you this your spirit mate
is going to be excited that you're a woman with values and morals okay thank
you so all right okay all right so and and and I want to also show you that not
only did you dodge a bullet of a man who obviously doesn't have good sexual
morals but you also dodged a bullet of a man who's gonna gaslight you when you
try to bring it up because what did he do he turned it back on you and said oh
I I don't want to I'm not interested in you anymore because why because you you
do this yeah yeah that's your point yeah well I didn't accuse you I asked you
about the nudie account that you're following it's not an accusation it's a
fact bro it's right there he doesn't know what an accusation is right an
accusation is something that hasn't been proven true this is this is good
dictionary friend this is a fact you're following it you admitted to it you said
you shouldn't be so I wasn't accusing you of anything I was pointing out what
you're doing yeah yeah thank you helpful right
judge Jackie done okay all right I did watch judge Judy today she gave the lady
back her dog after the guy stole it it was just a whole big crazy thing all
right let's see Blair you're up
hello so God has been first of all thank you for this ministry it has done
amazing things in my life so far and I haven't even gotten a date yet so God's
doing good things so one thing that God has been doing since the beginning of
this is really challenging me on faith and what faith looks like and I've been
going to therapy I hope that's not TMI and I have a wonderful Christian
therapist she actually reminds me a lot of you okay I'll actually bring up
things that I learned like during the heart work and she's like I love that
that's so great so we were talking recently about faith and how I've always
been a very practical person and I've always prayed for wisdom and discernment
and I come from a faith background that's not charismatic at all and not
that I mean I might go to a church now like people raise their hands and you
know but like people don't really practice the gifts of the Spirit in
church but faith I don't think is valued as much and I'm struggling with knowing
what that looks like practically in dating and how that's married with
wisdom and discernment and I think you know I'm 42 and I think one of the
reasons I'm still single is I always think everything has like although my
ducks have to be in a row before I can put myself out there and my therapist
has talked a lot about how that's rooted in fear and a lot of what I call wisdom
and discernment is really fear-based and I'm just wondering I guess because I
am very practical and how does it look like like what does faith look like in
this journey and even like my Bible study that I'm actually getting ready to
go to this week we're starting we're studying the armor of God and this week
we started our lessons on the shield of faith and so this is definitely I see
God's bringing it up over and over again but I don't know like for example
I live in California I'm willing to move I'm going to get out of the state for
sure but I agree with your therapist I think that it is it is rooted in
fear and you need to dig into what all fear that it's rooted in one thing that
comes into my spirit while you're talking is that it is rooted in
actually the fear of men and it's rooted in you know picking someone who's
not good or bad because let's talk about ducks in a row because I do talk about
ducks in a row to actually write about it you know people that think they have
to all to have their ducks in a row have y'all ever seen ducks in a row before
okay the reason why that's a saying about getting your ducks in a row is
because if you see the mom duck and then the ducklings are behind it there's
always one duckling that's not in the row it's off doing its own thing it's
falling down the waterfall and now mom's got to go get it's in the traffic
she's got to go in the street it's all over the place and so
If it's necessary for you to have all your T's crossed,
all your I's dotted, all your ducks in a row,
then that keeps you from ever having to step out
because your ducks will never be in a row.
There will always be some loose end in your life
that will be your excuse.
And so you're gonna have to realize
that you're perfectly imperfect
and you're gonna have to go ahead and step out
and face the fear so that God can show you
what the fear is.
Because I promise you, as soon as you get out there,
the fear is gonna surface
and we're gonna know exactly what it is.
But I think that it has something to do with the fear of,
when I say man, I mean men, I mean guys.
So.
Definitely truth to that.
So yeah, so God's working on me.
So thank you so much.
And one thing I wanna tell you that was really cool.
So when I was doing the heart work,
I really recommitted myself to sexual purity.
Now I never went through a wild phase or anything,
but I kind of thought to myself,
if I meet a guy and he's a good man
and he at least believes in God,
then at this point in my life,
like I'd be stupid to not have sex before marriage
because I have yet to meet a couple
that's gotten married to my age,
that hasn't lived together
or at least had sex outside of marriage.
And I even, the girls in my Bible study,
and they do love Jesus,
but they're just on a different page with this.
And they're like, yeah, I wouldn't wait.
It's not really my conviction, whatever.
And so.
Yeah, because you're around California Christians
and they are different.
They really are.
And I told them a few weeks ago, I said,
they know I'm doing this program.
And I said, I just wanted to let you know
that I'm taking a stand and I will not have sex
or any kind of sex until I'm married.
And they were like, oh, okay.
Kind of like good luck with that,
but supportive.
And that Sunday, the pastor sermon was on godly sexuality.
And he said, sex is for marriage and a story, period.
And it was so funny.
It was just one of those moments where it was like,
okay, God, you're in this.
What church do you go to in California?
It's called South Valley Community.
Okay.
It's a formerly,
it's formerly an American Baptist church.
And what city are you near?
You don't have to tell exactly where you live.
I am about 45 minutes South of Fresno.
Okay.
You guys, I just, I didn't tell you guys this,
but also David and I for our anniversary this year,
we're already gonna be out in California
for a business trip.
And we've decided that we're gonna do a little tour
of the California coast right there.
And we'll be telling you,
we're gonna actually put like a little map up
of where we're gonna be and like what restaurant
we will meet you guys at in those places
if you wanna come out and see us
and maybe get a blue bracelet.
Okay.
And so we'd love to shake your hand, hug your neck,
you know, pray over you.
Possibly you might meet your spirit mate
because you guys both might come there.
Who knows?
But it's not gonna be a long drawn out situation,
but we did decide that we would love to,
we'd love to meet some of you guys
since we're out there already.
Okay.
So, all right.
I'm proud of you.
You guys, when I say California Christians,
I've had a lot of clients from California
and I'm gonna tell you,
the churches out there really have a hard time
really following in the doctrine
of the apostles and the prophets.
They have a really hard time like drawing the line
when it comes to, you know, these topics,
you know, because people are so worldly
and so liberal out there,
even the people that are Christ followers.
And so it is rough to be out there
and to be a Christ follower.
So pray for your California brothers and sisters.
They're not only under warfare, like in the culture,
they're under warfare in the culture of the church
out there, because it's a lot, you guys.
I've seen it.
I've seen it a lot.
Also, New York is the big cities,
the big places where there's a lot of liberal thinking.
You're like, well, Jackie, what do I do?
Find yourself a group of people
who really want to follow Jesus.
And even if you don't go to church with them,
you know, meet up with them,
meet up, talk, strengthen each other.
The Bible talks about strengthening each other.
You guys, there's a reason why sex is for covenant,
because God wants you to have a good covenant.
He wants you to trust each other, you know?
He wants you to be able to come together
and trust each other.
He doesn't want you to introduce all kinds of craziness
into this beautiful union that you have going on there.
Does that mean that people that have sex
or live with each other before they get married
cannot have a good marriage?
No, it does not mean that,
but they are going to have to unpack some stuff.
And you know what?
You might as well start your marriage off,
you know, on the right foot,
on the righteousness of Jesus' foot,
than in a place where you have to.
come up from someplace else.
You don't wanna do that, all right?
But if you have already done that in your relationship,
I don't want you to feel like you have to,
like, you know, cut and run from that relationship, okay?
All right, you're just gonna have to make a decision
about really surrendering this area to God together
and wanting to go forward together in a place
where you can have really healthy boundaries here, okay?
Until you get married.
And then even after marriage,
because remember, we wanna be reminded
that sex is not just physical, okay?
Sex is emotional and spiritual.
And so we wanna be reminded of that,
and that's important, okay?
So thank you, Blair, for that question.
Thank you very much.
We appreciate it.
All right, so I'm gonna go ahead
and close up for tonight.
We can have a little popcorn round.
You can put some questions in the chat.
We have about eight minutes here.
And so I can just go through
and just answer them real quickly.
Yes, it makes it much better, Mike.
And you guys, also one of the dangers
of having sex when you're dating someone
is it really does mask a lot of red flags.
It really does.
It itself is a red flag, and it also masks red flags.
It will cause you to not see things
that you need to really see
in order to make a decision about marrying that person.
All right.
Yes, it's happening everywhere, Janine.
Thank you for saying that.
People make fun of your purity life.
Well, if people make fun of it,
then they're definitely not the person
that you wanna date, okay?
What we got?
Janet, I'm so glad you had a good time.
I put a while ago as a ticket.
I could not get on this call.
Okay, Victoria, thank you.
I know you've had a lot of trouble with links,
and it's not common.
Not a lot of people are having that.
In fact, really no one.
So it's gotta be something with your stuff.
And so we'll see what happens with that.
We'll talk to Cheryl about it.
I work in a nonprofit that deals
with sexual health in Missouri.
Abstinence, yes.
We actually have a nurse in our community
that delivers babies, and because that's what she does,
she's able to go into the schools
and have sex education talk.
And so she's covertly in those places
being able to talk about this
because of what she does for a living.
Hi, I did a first Zoom call.
He didn't turn on his camera.
Is that a red flag?
Did you ask him why he didn't turn on his camera, Joanne?
Go ahead and unmute yourself.
No, I did not.
I was wanting to see if he was gonna turn it on organically,
and then the 40 minutes of the Zoom was over,
and he never turned it on.
You had your camera on, but he didn't have his on?
That is correct.
I had mine on the whole time.
Okay, did he say that he wants to do it again?
I didn't know how to abruptly be like, goodbye.
So I was just like, oh, I had a good time.
Maybe we'll do this again.
I didn't know how to end it.
I'm learning.
How do you end these Zoom calls?
Yeah, I mean, there's a couple different reasons.
He might just feel shy about it.
He might not like the way he looks.
He also might not have been somewhere
he could turn on his camera.
The worst of these scenarios
is that he's just not who he says he is.
Did it give you any feeling at all
that he's not who he says he is?
No, I didn't get that feeling.
I just got the, I just thought it was like,
we've been on this for 40 minutes.
You couldn't turn on your camera on?
I'm like, dude, like.
Yeah, well, you need to speak up and be like,
hey, are you gonna turn your camera on?
I'd like to see you.
Are you gonna turn your camera on?
Okay, so if he does ask to do it again,
his ball's in his court, okay?
He's already seen you.
He's already talked to you.
You spent 40 minutes with him.
If he wants to see you again,
is he local or long distance?
He's local.
Okay, all right.
Oh, interesting.
Okay, let's make sure that we talk,
we see him before we get together with him in person, okay?
So you can just ask him, say, hey, you know,
if he says he wants to do it again,
just say, hey, let's show up on a FaceTime and talk about it.
If he says he wants to go on a date,
say, hey, let's show him on a FaceTime and talk about it.
And can you please turn on your camera?
Okay, so, and if you do meet him in person
without seeing him on camera,
make sure that it's a very public place
and it's during the day, okay?
Thanks.
Let's be safe out there, okay.
Portland, Oregon, oh yeah,
there's lots of places with, okay, with liberal thinking.
How does one move forward in dating?
You guys, when I'm saying liberal thinking,
I'm not talking about politics.
I'm talking about thinking that thinks that these,
that these things, these, these, these watermarks, these.
these creeds and these, you know,
doctrines that they're outdated,
that we don't need to do that anymore.
That's the kind of liberal thinking that I'm talking about.
How does one move forward in dating
when the heart is with someone they've dated previously,
but still interacts with daily?
I feel so confused, like maybe I shouldn't date
until I either can move on from,
well, if you see this person daily,
that that's just like, do you work with them?
Leslie, unmute yourself, give me some context.
No, I don't see him daily.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
I talk to him daily.
He doesn't live close to me.
Okay, you dated him previously, you're not dating him.
It's not turning into a romance,
but you talk to him every day, why?
I mean, we were dating,
and then there was some things that halted that,
and, but that we never fully disconnected.
Even though there was a few times
that I really did try to,
but then within a few weeks,
he would typically reach out again.
Okay, so without telling us the full story,
do you know in your heart of hearts
that whatever the deal breaker was
that caused you to cut it off is right,
and it should be cut off?
It wasn't really a deal breaker.
It was, I think the pace was too fast.
Okay.
In the beginning, and then I joined the heart work.
I dated him prior to me being in this program,
so I kind of see things a little different than before.
And have you met him in person?
Oh, yes, we dated for about five months.
Okay, and you think it's too fast, in what way?
Well, I mean, prior to when,
okay, so the five months,
and then that's when it kind of stopped,
and then I joined the heart work.
It was fast because I met him.
It became very, very intimate physically, quickly,
and also met families quickly,
and all the promises were made quickly.
And I, for one, felt very,
I feel like I'm deeply in love with him.
Well, obviously, yeah.
And this is why we don't have sex, y'all,
because this is what happens.
It gets real cloudy, gets real muddy.
The water gets real muddy,
and then we don't know what to do.
But yes, I do agree with you
that you really can't get into a relationship
with someone else while this is very active.
This is active.
You may not say you're dating him,
but you're talking to him every day,
so you're dating him, okay?
And so you need to make a decision
about what it is about this relationship that,
besides, okay, so y'all jumped the gun,
you got sexual, all this stuff happened,
you met families and stuff,
but what other things about the relationship
give you pause, you know?
Is he healthy?
Does he, you know, does he love God?
Is he pursuing a relationship with God?
I mean, what's causing you
to say that you don't think
that there's value in this relationship
if you guys go at it in a different way?
Is there something that's causing you
to say there's no value in it?
Oh, no, if it was up to me,
I would be all in.
I feel like he is hesitant.
But he's the one that keeps reaching out.
Yeah, at first I kind of thought
it was the whole breadcrumbing thing,
but I don't know.
But who broke up with who?
You broke up with him when you got in the heart work?
No, nobody really officially broke up.
It was just more like he quit coming so far to visit,
and there was gaps of time that went by without talking.
Okay, we definitely need more information
so we can help you,
because, you know, it sounds like
we need some soul tie stuff here.
So what phase are you in, two or three?
Three.
Okay, so just post in your group, okay?
Give as much detail as you can, all right?
And if the coaches need to ask for more detail, they will.
And let's get you some really good advice
to get you moving forward in one way or another, okay?
Okay, thanks.
You're welcome.
All right, I met a man on Upward who wanted to snuggle.
Snuggle, get the heck out of here, all right?
Yes, if some stranger tells you
that they want to snuggle with you,
tell them to get themselves a teddy bear,
or a dog, or a cat, or something, okay?
Seriously, I mean, I'm just gonna tell you,
I would rather have someone to say,
hey, I wanna have sex with you,
than say I wanna snuggle with you as a stranger,
because at least they're being honest.
The snuggle is so creepy.
How creepy is that, right?
I wanna snuggle you.
What?
No.
I mean, yikes.
Okay.
Hey guys, I appreciate you.
We had so much fun tonight.
Love Seats is fun.
Go ahead and get stuff into Ask Jackie because we're reviving that.
Yes, I was gone for most of the summer, but we are back and we
are ready to get that going again.
If you don't know what that is, it's in the resource tab of your app.
You know, you can put in a question and then I come on once a week and answer.
And guys, you have one too, gentlemen.
And so let's go.
All right.
See you guys soon.
Bye everyone.