I'm going to go ahead and get started.
As you can see, I am on location,
meaning that I am out-of-pocket,
out of my house, traveling,
and so we're going to do our best.
I know that we don't normally have
these types of sessions on Fridays,
and we're just trying something new.
A lot of people are like, hey,
during the week doesn't work for me.
I'd like to have something possibly on a Friday night.
Here we are. If this is not something
that we think is sustainable for people,
like you can see, very few people are here live with us.
If it's not something that's going to work for the masses,
then we're going to have to stick to
our Tuesday-Thursday repertoire for phase 3 people.
There are some exciting changes coming.
They'll be announced this month.
We're going to put them into action either December or
January as far as speaking to the whole youth,
not just the romantic youth,
not just the marriage and family youth,
but the entire person.
We do a lot of spiritual stuff right now.
We're speaking to the spiritual youth,
but we also want to speak to the financial youth.
We want to speak to the physical youth,
the mental youth, the emotional youth.
We do some of that with artwork,
but we also want to speak to
other areas of your life that you're going to need to get in
order not to meet someone,
but to be able to sustain what marriage takes.
Marriage doesn't take what it used
to take back in the olden days.
I think we're doing ourselves a disservice if we're like,
well, it's just as easy as boy meets girl,
and they fall in love and live happily ever after,
because we don't live in those days anymore.
Things are very complicated now.
They're very complicated.
In order for us to be able to sustain
intimate relationship in this hotbed of
culture that we all live in,
and this generation, this era that God has matched us with,
we're going to have to know some things.
We're going to have to be ready to overcome some things,
not just before we meet, but after we meet too.
And I think that's important
as we head into our Love Seat session.
If you're new and you just made it to phase three,
and you're going to be with us tonight for Love Seat,
this is a dating coaching group session.
So I do dating coaching on this session.
We do some single spotlights
now that we have spirit mate match profiles
that we're trying to get out there.
We do single spotlights on this session sometimes as well,
and you can jump in the Love Seat.
You can ask your questions,
and or you can put your questions up in the chat.
I do have a co-host tonight.
I don't always have one, but Bethany is here,
and she can grab those questions and feed them to me,
and we can answer those questions here in real time.
But I will tell you that I've had quite a few emails
and direct messages from couples in the last couple months
that are newly married and struggling, right?
And does that mean that they got married too fast?
Does that mean that they married the wrong person?
Does that mean that there was something else involved
in their decision to get married besides God's will?
No, it doesn't mean any of that.
It means marriage is hard.
Write that in your notes.
And I know a lot of you are probably nursing the idea
that all that's missing from your life
is the supernatural opportunity
to meet someone at the opposite sex
that wants to partner with you.
And if that could just happen,
then that's all it's gonna take.
That's it.
You know, it's gonna be smooth sailing from there on out.
Just meet God's person for you,
that opposite gender person,
because we have men and women here tonight,
and it's gonna be just a grand slam.
Guys, that's very naive at best,
and it's delusional at worst,
because it's just not true.
It isn't.
That's not the way things are now.
You're gonna meet someone,
and they're gonna have some spiritual,
emotional, mental baggage that they haven't unpacked yet,
and they're gonna unpack it in relationship with you.
You're gonna have some emotional, spiritual,
mental, physical, relational, financial baggage
that you also haven't fully unpacked yet,
and they don't even know about.
One thing that I love about spirit mates
is they bring out the worst in you and the best in you.
You can write that down.
They are going to bring all of the crap to the surface,
and why is that?
Because it's revealing for humans.
It has to come to the surface,
because when you're with your spirit mate,
they are going to bring out,
or they're gonna call to the surface the real you.
You get, see attractive?
nod your head, and go like this if you're not so I can see you.
Hey, also, I understand sometimes where you can't be on
camera, like Saturday mornings, it's very difficult for me to
be on camera. I am moving. When I do Supernatural Saturday, my
process is to move when I'm downloading things from heaven.
And so I'm walking around like at a dizzying pace while I'm
doing Supernatural Saturday. I get that there are sometimes
situations where we go live. Okay. Right now, there are more
than half of you that are not on camera. But I really want to
encourage you that if you can show up, I know you're here. In
theory, you're here, because it's just a name on a screen. We
don't know who that person is. So in theory, we know that
you're here. But I want to encourage you to show up. Okay.
Because so much happens when you show up. You know, we like to
say around here that there's grace on your face. So if you
can show up and be seen, I will tell you, we have quite a few
people in our community meet their spirit mate on these
sessions and get married. I can think off the top of my head,
at least six couples that have met in this format and gotten
married. She was in our girls group, he was in our guys
group, they saw each other on a session, both of them, of course,
had their cameras on, and the rest is history. I can think of
at least six off the top of my head. Now I just thought of
another one. That's seven. We probably have at least over a
couple that met that way. Okay. And so don't think it can
happen, because it absolutely does. And so if you're going to
show up, and you can have your camera, so many people turn
their cameras on after that. Yeah. And I get it. If you just
got off work, you're not you're not feeling the way you love.
Okay, that's fine. If you're, you know, at work still, and
you're just listening in. If you're getting your workout in
the end of the day, and if you don't do it, now, you're not
going to do it. And you don't want to be on camera working
out, which we don't want that. I get that, too. All right. So
tomorrow for Supernatural Saturday, I'm going to be
talking about things coming full circle. That's the word. I'm
going to release that word over you and over myself. We're in a
season where things are coming full circle. And we're going to
talk about not just signing up, but showing you have a lot of
people that sign up for this program, but they don't ever
show up. They signed up. They went that far, but they didn't
show up. And so we're going to talk about things coming full
circle and what part that we have to play in that because
that doesn't do anything. He's allowing ships that you thought
sailed without you to come back into port, baby. And so let's be
ready to get on those ships, even though they might look a
little different this time around. And so we'll talk about
that tomorrow is Supernatural Saturday. Love seats. Once again,
it's a mass dating coaching. I'm in a coffee shop. It's very
loud here. They're blasting music. If you're doing with the
open coffee shop, keep the music to a lesser level. Okay, people
want to work, they want to talk to each other. We don't need the
vibe of music blasting. So that's just a little tip for you
for your future coffee shop if that's your dream. Okay. All
right, father, God, we're thankful that we could come
together tonight. You get to hear from heaven, we get to
adjust our course adjust our sales in order to go the
distance of where you want to take us. So I pray you would
speak to every heart and speak through me with advice and
revelation in Jesus name. All right, let's take a look at his
here real quick. Because I want to see if I can spot what a
couple a couple of people
can't see a close show without my glasses. Okay. All right. I
don't see I don't see those people here. So we're to go
ahead and jump in Bethany. Is there anyone that wants to get
in the love seat? Yeah, Donna Sanders said she wanted to go
Donna, are you here? I think I saw you. Do you still want to
get into the love seat tonight?
Um, this is my first time. So I don't know what you're talking
about. I just started face this face.
Okay, I misunderstood your comment on the post today.
That's okay. Sorry. Oh, that's okay. Is so that's the only one
I had from
a comment. Okay, can you hear me? We can hear you some. But
you're you seem muted tonight. It might just because you're
coming through the headphones. Am I muted? No, I'm saying we
can hear you but your sound is muffled. I did I did a sound
check earlier and everyone said they can hear me just fine. So
is that just Bethany? Let me see a thumbs up if you can hear me
just fine. It's kind of low. Okay. I can hear you but it's
very low. Okay, how about now? A little muffled and low. How
about now? Better at all. It's okay. I mean, we can hear you.
Okay, how about now? Better? Way better. Louder. Yeah. We got
it fixed. All right. All right. So the way loveseats works for
people like our sister that was just like this is my first
time. This is a group dating coaching call. It'll last for
about 45 minutes until I'm in specific time right now. So if
you start if you are at started with us at eight, it's gonna
last until right about nine o'clock. And so we need your
questions to be short. As we say short, brief and powerful. We
just need to get to the point. You can't have a lot of
backstory. Just ask your question. If I need backstory,
then I'll ask you to give me a little bit more information.
Okay. But even when you give that more information in a
nutshell, y'all in a nutshell, okay, because there's a lot of
people once we get going here, that are going to want to ask a
question. As soon as they see how we're flowing, they're going
to want to ask the question. And so we want to make sure we get
in as many people as possible. All right. That being said, who
wants to jump in the loveseat? You have a question about
something that's coming up in heartwork, because something
that happened to you on a date something that you know, you
want to answer about about someone that
we lost your sound.
Yeah.
We can't hear you.
She'll come back y'all.
If you are wanting to ask a question, if there's anybody
that wants to get into the loveseat, or like she said,
even if you have something that came up that was like
heartwork related, because you went on a date with someone, if
y'all raise your digital hand, it will make it really easy for
us to just start calling on people. If you don't know how to
raise your digital hand, if you hover over the bottom of your
screen on your computer or your phone, it will say raise hand
or if you don't see that if you click on the more button, it
will be there for you. So if there's any people that want to
ask a question when she comes back, it'd be good to get in the
queue and ready to go.
Yeah, I think they're trying to fix the sound on their end. You
also as soon as she is back in April, I'm sure she's gonna
start answering questions Gail on that, when we've announced it
before on single spotlight, basically, we've always said if
if it ends up being a good match for you, they will reach out to
you. But if it's not, then you will just get an email
potentially saying thanks for your email.
um that kind of thing um and sometimes it takes a little while because we get a lot of emails
um typically when there's single spotlights yeah so um if they haven't gotten back to
people yet they probably will in the near future um
all right that was really nice samantha happy early veterans day to all of our veterans i love
that she put that in there thank you for your service for those that have served in any of
our armed forces that was really awesome samantha shout out on that okay you guys can you hear me
now we can all right so sometimes you gotta pivot friends and that's what you gotta do so
wasn't working with the headphones in the coffee shop so now i'm outside in a parking lot and hi
hi it's okay for me if it's okay for you all right and i really i wanna i wanna just release
that over you guys okay i remember i was having some technical difficulties when my family was
on that cruise for my mother-in-law's birthday this summer and the you know the captain was
glaring into the the room that i was in and had to pause and stop and go again and pause and stop
and go again and i just want to encourage you that things are not necessarily going to go
smoothly and if you're the kind of person that gets really discouraged and wants to quit
because something is not working out according to your plan you're going to have to get over that
i just want to let you know i'm not that person try and try and try and try again
right if it didn't work the first time or the second time or the third time or the fifth time
try again now try again with new information my husband tried to come over he tried to figure out
what was wrong you know if he can't figure it out i certainly can't but i we tried something
different and it didn't work we tried something different than that and it didn't work and then
i was like forget it i'm just gonna go on my phone it's not ideal but that's okay and so i want you
to apply that to your dating life to your work life to all parts of your life if it's not ideal
it's still okay it doesn't have to be ideal so if you show up on that date to meet that person
and it's not ideal it's kind of awkward it doesn't go that great um maybe you're not feeling the
sparks or the chemistry that happens so often try again unless there was something so terrible
that happened on that first date that you could not even bring yourself to go
again anywhere with that person because they're not safe right they're not healthy and i just
want to put this in as a little caveat there don't call someone toxic just because it's not your
preference i can't tell you how many people i've coached over the years that called something
abusive or toxic because they didn't like it when they told me the story i'm like yeah that's not
abusive and you just didn't like it that's not toxic you just didn't like it i don't like roasted
carrots but they're not abusive they're just not my preference i'm not going to eat them i don't want
them but that doesn't make them bad do you guys feel what i'm saying right now and a lot of times
you'll start calling something bad because you had something similar to it in your life that hurt you
and so now you have your antenna up for anything that even reminds you
remotely of that thing and then you're going to immediately label it bad
we don't want to do that especially not with people we don't want to do that with people
all of you without exception are unhealthy i'm sorry to break that to you if you didn't know
that all of you without exception are unhealthy in some area of your life you are you're a yellow flag
you are a yellow flag my friend and i love you but you are i include myself in this we all have
areas where we are processing still where we are growing still where we are learning still
the thing that changes us from a yellow flag to a green flag is being teachable is surrendering to
god is allowing people to speak in our lives to check us before we wreck us okay what turns us
from a yellow flag into a red flag is being stubborn okay being unteachable one to do it the
hard way just because we don't trust anyone so we're not going to let anyone tell us anything
that's what makes us a red flag okay anyone can have a semi-unhealthy behavior that can turn
straight up abusive or toxic if they allow it to go unchecked by discipleship unchecked by mentorship
unchecked by surrender do you feel me do you
Got me, do you hear me?
All right, okay.
So if you show up and you're looking for someone's flaws,
you're looking for their flags,
you are certainly gonna find them.
And if you're gonna make your decision about that person
based on the place where they're still in process,
then you're probably gonna miss out on a great person.
Cause just say,
cause they have something that they're working on
doesn't mean that they're not good.
Doesn't mean that they don't have lots and lots and lots
of good days ahead of them
as they work through whatever that thing is.
All right, that was just an extra little bonus question.
As you guys think of the questions you wanna ask
and let's go, who wants to jump in the love seat?
Julie has her hand up.
Hi, Julie, go ahead.
Okay, it's not really a love seat,
but like a dating question.
I'm very like direct and I've gotten some advice
from your program to not just send a bunch of messages
back and forth, but try to get to in person
sooner than later.
And I feel like, I don't feel like anyone else tries
to do that on the male side of things when I'm interacting.
And so I don't know if they lose interest
cause I'm not wanting to just message a lot.
I just wanna meet.
I kind of tried to just say that if you're interested,
would you wanna meet up?
And I don't know, I'm just getting discouraged
that it doesn't, I'm not getting,
not that I want to go on a lot of dates,
but I would like to go on some
instead of just message people.
Absolutely.
Okay, so Julie, let us talk about this.
And this is for everyone, write this down.
We've had this question in the past.
We're gonna have it in the future.
We're gonna keep answering it cause it's important.
You guys, if you're meeting someone online,
cause I'm assuming that Julie, you're talking about online,
like a dating app or something, right?
Where did Julie go?
She disappeared for me.
Okay, so these are dating apps, right?
They're not chatting apps, they're not chat rooms.
You guys, for those of you that are old enough,
you remember AOL Dial Up, those were chat rooms.
Those were chat rooms.
You know, that's what they were for.
They were there to chat.
And I'm sure that there are bulletin boards
and Reddit streams and chat streams
where that's what the purpose is.
Dating apps are called dating apps
because they're for dating.
They are for in-person, you know, in-person activity.
Now, if you meet up with, if you hook up with someone,
I don't mean what kids mean when they say hookup,
which means, by the way, y'all have sex,
but that's what the hookup means, right?
But if you connect, we'll use that word,
with someone on a dating app or online
in some kind of, you know, place for singles,
and they do not want to get together in person,
then guess what they're not interested in doing?
Dating.
Now, we don't have to find out
why they're not interested in dating, but they're not.
Or they're not interested in dating you, okay?
Why would we want them to waste our time
by talking back and forth and back and forth?
And so a good rule of thumb,
now, I want you guys to feel this out.
There could be reasons why your conversation
might last a little bit longer than this
in text form or chat form.
There could be a reason why maybe, you know,
they went on a vacation or a trip.
I can't tell you how many love stories
start with boy meeting girl,
and then for whatever reason,
right after they start talking,
one of them has to go on some prolonged trip.
Anybody else?
Right after they start talking,
someone's going on a missions trip
or someone's going on a vacation
or someone's going on some work trip or whatever,
and I'm like, ugh.
So if they fall off for a little while
and then they come back, fine,
if there's an extenuating circumstance.
But my rule of thumb is that if you meet someone, okay,
online, and you start chatting back and forth,
within three conversations,
you're meeting up or you're moving on.
Within three conversations,
you're meeting up and you're moving on.
You're like, Jackie, what's the conversation?
It stops and then it starts again.
Okay, so if I match with you,
okay, say I match with you,
and we start chatting back and forth,
but then it's time to go to bed,
and then the next day you pop into my inbox
and you're like, hey, you know, how's your day going?
That's the second conversation, okay?
We chatted when we first met,
now it's our second conversation.
And look, if they wanna burn through
all of their conversations with,
hi, how are you doing?
If that's what they're gonna ask you every single day,
then that's on them.
That's what they're gonna do.
They're gonna burn through their conversation, okay?
Guys and women, ask for the meetup.
Ladies, that includes you.
If you're waiting around for him to ask for the meetup,
no, we don't need them to initiate
when they have not met us in person.
We don't need that, all right?
Anyone can ask for the in-person meetup.
Anyone can ask for it.
Like, hey, we should get.
together, we should, we should do this, you know, we, depending on where you live and
where they live, if it's going to be a little bit more complicated, cause it's got to travel
a little bit, maybe they're not local, local, then you might have to make a better plan.
But if they say they're not interested in meeting up, you're moving on.
So by the third conversation, hold on, it's the police.
I'm in LA.
Who knows what they're up to?
Who knows what the police are up to right now?
Okay.
So within that third conversation, by that third conversation, if they have not asked
you to see them in person yet, and you are semi-local, you're going to ask, and if they
don't answer or they don't want to, then you're moving on.
Well, hey, it was great to meet you.
You know, I'm looking to meet up with people in person and get to know people.
You know, I hope you find what you're looking for.
Bless you.
Bye.
Okay.
All right.
So if they're long distance, like it's going to take a lot longer to get in person, then
by that third conversation, we are going to have a phone call.
We are going to have a FaceTime.
Hey, I'd like to put a face with this boy, with this, you know, this conversation.
I like to put a voice with this conversation.
You want to jump on a phone call?
I would love to hear the voice that goes with this text stream.
I like to see the face that goes with this text stream.
Cool.
Good.
Now, for those of you that have not taken the online dating safety, please take a look
at that.
That's in phase two.
It's in those archives.
The team can tell you how to get there if you're not in that group anymore.
But if they try to take you to a different app, they just want you to switch from the
dating app to a different app like WhatsApp or Telegram or not Telegram.
What's the other one?
Not Snapchat, but yeah, Snapchat, but WhatsApp.
There's a couple other.
But if they want to do that, then the chances of them being a scammer is really good.
Okay.
Unless they're international.
If they're international, then WhatsApp is an easy way to communicate with international
people.
But you're going to have to feel that out.
Okay.
Make sure that you feel that out.
Some other things to look for as far as scammers is that a lot of times they use broken English,
but not so much anymore because guess what?
They have chat GPT.
They have chat.
They have AI now.
So now they can have someone, something else tell them exactly what to say.
They can, they can type in what you said and they can have a computer tell them exactly
what to say back and they can sound like a normal person.
And that's why it's really important that you hear their voice or see their face as
soon as possible.
Okay.
All right.
So Julie, does that now when Julie says she's direct, let's be careful with being direct.
Okay.
If you met someone at a party, you know, or you met someone in the lunchroom at work,
some new person that's working, um, at your place of employment, would you ask them those
questions?
Would you ask them those questions?
Whatever questions you are firing at someone on a dating app, would you ask someone those
questions in person that you just met at a party, at church, in the lunchroom at work
or at some kind of business seminar?
If it would seem rude for you to ask questions that seem nosy and seem too direct or too
deep for a first meeting, then you should definitely not be asking those people that
on the dating app.
You shouldn't.
Do you want to have kids where, you know, when do you see yourself getting married?
You know, people ask people if they've ever had sex before on these dating apps.
Get the heck out of here.
What?
No.
How many times have you been married?
How long have you been divorced?
Because these are not, these are super nosy, crazy questions that people ask just to what?
They're just trying to weed you out.
They're just trying to cross you off the list.
And ladies, it's mostly you that are doing it.
Guys do it sometimes too.
But ladies, it's mostly you.
Men are usually more guilty of not saying enough.
Not asking questions at all, right?
You're asking him questions.
He's answering the questions, maybe even on the first date and then he's not asking you
any in return.
Guys, you got to ask questions, all right?
Not nosy interrogation questions.
So Julie, when you say you're direct, I don't know what you mean by that, but if it means
that you're asking questions that are not appropriate to be asking someone that you
don't know, then let's make sure that we don't do that.
All right?
You guys, everyone hates the small talk phase.
Everybody hates it.
Nobody likes it.
But if you're one of those people that goes deep too fast, asking people all kinds of
personal questions when you haven't even met them in person yet, don't do that.
But if you can't meet them in person, it's a long distance situation.
at least have a few fun, lighthearted conversations
over the phone or FaceTime
before you start breaking out your interrogation list.
Okay, all right.
So, and listen, if you get with another person
that likes to go deep too,
and you're a deep person and they're a deep person,
then you probably are gonna end up
going into the deep end quickly,
asking all kinds of questions to each other,
and then usually in my experience,
people either get into a relationship real fast
after doing that,
because they make an emotional connection,
and or they offend each other real fast
and never talk to each other again.
It could go either way.
We just had one of you ladies tell us,
oh, I really liked this guy and we were talking,
it was going so great,
but you know, I don't think he's my match
because you know, he's not willing to relocate.
Wait, what?
You only had two conversations with him.
Why are you talking to him about relocating?
Why would he want to relocate to be with someone
that he doesn't even know?
He doesn't know you.
When people get to know each other and fall in love,
they're willing to do things
that they didn't do in the past.
Now, the only exception to this is,
is that you start chatting with someone,
you both find out that you're divorced
and that you both have children,
and you both have shared parenting agreements
that keep you landlocked to where you're living
for the next 15 years.
Then that's gonna be like a, ah, yeah, dang.
But then you can introduce him
to someone else in our community.
Okay, cool.
All right, Samantha, you're up.
Hey, Jackie.
So this kind of feeds off of that question
and I put it in the chat as well.
So, you know, there's a philosophy that I had read
kind of going off of that, that talks about three dates.
Like, the philosophy goes like,
if you feel safe, like as a woman specifically,
if you feel comfortable and safe, like, get to three dates.
Because if you get to three dates,
you have a good sense of understanding the guy,
you have conversations, hopefully you get to see,
you know, there's a bit of familiarity,
you get some comfort level,
you can kind of see them in three different experiences.
Hopefully it's not just three dinners
where you're face-to-face.
Hopefully there's an activity involved.
And hopefully by the time you get to the third date,
you get an understanding of their values,
their morals, et cetera.
And by the third date, you have an understanding
of if you would like to pursue it even further.
So the philosophy goes, once you get to the third date,
you kind of know whether or not
you would like to pursue it even further.
So my question is, is that a good approach?
Cause I guess my-
No, it's not.
It's not.
It's not a good approach.
First of all, I want to tell all of you guys
that I've never read a dating book in my life.
I'm married, first of all.
So let's start there.
And second of all, I've been married all my life.
So I've never needed to read a dating book.
And I have never read a dating book,
but I can tell you that all of these dating coaches
are reading each other's books
and they're regurgitating the same BS information.
Okay?
The reason why, and you heard what Samantha said
and it sounds good kind of to the intellect, right?
It's like, okay, well, we're going to give you three shots,
three strikes, you're out.
If I don't feel like you're a serial killer,
this is what I say.
If they're not a serial killer,
then you're going to give them another chance.
You're going to go out with them again.
If they ask, you're going to say yes.
Because ladies, remember,
we don't have to initiate the first meetup,
but after the first meetup, when they see you face to face,
if they're not initiating the second, third,
fourth, fifth, sixth meetup,
then they're not interested.
Okay?
Men go after what they like.
They do.
Once they see you and they like what they see,
and I don't mean just your outside,
like there's, you know,
they want to get to know you better,
then they are going to do it.
Stop making excuses for men.
Oh, well, he's busy and at work and you know,
this and that.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's not how guys are.
That's not how they are.
That's how women sometimes are,
but that's not how guys are.
And so the reason why I don't agree with the three date rule
is because it may take you more than three dates
to find out who this person is.
They might not be someone who opens up really quickly.
So instead of giving it a three date maximum,
let it be it's a yes until it's a no.
That's my rule.
It's a yes until it's a no.
And I want to tell you the reason why a lot of people
want to be able to check them off the list
or weed them out after three days.
Yeah, I didn't feel anything.
They're okay.
They're nice.
We had an okay time.
There wasn't any chemistry though.
Blah, blah, blah.
It wasn't my ideal.
I thought I'd feel something by now.
And if I don't feel anything,
then they must not be the person.
The reason why that doesn't work
is because people got a lot of stuff.
Okay?
I can't tell you how many people
that have had success in this community
because they gave the person a chance.
And another reason why people are trying to,
you know, turn them and burn them.
quick is because you have the idea that you can only date one person at a time and it's
not true.
Please don't date one person at a time.
Don't.
Get to know a variety of people.
If you have options, take those options.
And then you won't be trying to cross someone off your roster so fast.
The reason why people are trying to cross people off their roster so fast is because
they have the idea that they can only have one person on the roster at a time.
And so if I'm not feeling like super connected to you right away, then I'm going to want
to go ahead and check you off the list really quickly so I can get someone in to take your
place that I might be connected to because it doesn't work like that.
First of all, see getting to know all people as a privilege and an honor.
Start approaching quote unquote dating as getting to know other human beings and what
an honor and what a privilege to be able to cross paths on this earth and in this life
with each other.
And if they end up being your spirit mate, awesome.
And if they don't, awesome.
That's okay.
I'm trying to mute Rachel.
It's not muting.
Okay.
There's background noise there.
Make sure you guys stay muted unless you're actually talking to me.
Okay.
And so no, be careful with these dating books, y'all.
They're going to keep you single with all these rules.
Okay.
The rule is, the only rule is that it's a yes until it's a no.
If it does not, if it's not a no, if it's not a hard pass, if it's not a, uh, no, I,
you know, this person, like some of the things that can make it become a no is this person's
getting real serious about you and you're not ready for that.
Then what you do is you set a boundary and you let them know, hey, I'm in a discovery
phase of my life right now.
I just got divorced two years ago, or I've never been in a serious relationship before.
I'm trying to really see, you know, what it's like out here and, you know, want to meet
people and want to get to know people.
And I'm interested in getting to know you more, but I don't want to feel pushed.
I don't want to feel like this relationship is accelerated into a romantic relationship.
And listen, if they back off the falling in love with you and you still want to hang out
with them because it's not a no yet, then do it.
But don't be afraid to use your words to set boundaries as someone starts going too fast.
Set the pace.
Gentlemen, I would love for you to be setting the pace, but ladies, if you have to set the
pace because someone's convinced that you're their wife already and they're, they're using
that kind of language towards you, don't immediately put them in the narcissist bucket.
Oh, they're a love bomber.
They're a narcissist.
No, they could just have some anxious attachment.
And like I said, everyone has yellow flags.
There have been plenty of people with anxious attachment that have met and escalated their
emotions very quickly for the other person because of, you know, some deficits in themselves,
but are happily married.
Do not think that people with avoidant or anxious attachment do not get happily married
the same as secure attachers.
They do.
I'm an avoidant attacher.
I'm happily married for 17 years.
Okay.
And so let's stop trying to categorize people and especially try to immediately when we
see anything that we don't like or that we think is unhealthy or doesn't line up to all
the psycho babble that we heard on TikTok, that we put them in the narcissist bucket.
Let's not do that.
All right.
That was a long answer to a question that I think is important though.
Once again, be careful to what kind of philosophies that you align to out there because once again,
those philosophies a lot of times are based on you only getting to know one person at
a time.
And I think that that's weird.
Are you only allowed to have one friend?
Raise your hand if you can only have one friend at a time.
That's it.
That one friend, you give them all your attention.
You don't want any other friends.
If they get another friend, you get mad at them.
It's like they're cheating on you because they have another friend and they're doing
things with that other friend and they're not doing everything with you.
Raise your hand if that's you.
Come on.
Just be honest.
If that's you, you're codependent.
Let's figure it out together.
Let's figure it out.
That's your yellow flag.
That's your toxic trait, right?
So let's figure it out together.
No.
For most of you, you're either not like that or you're not going to admit that you're like
that because you know that it's not ideal.
It's not healthy.
It's not the healthiest version of you.
And so the same thing with getting to know people.
I get it.
If you're making out with everyone that you're going on a date with and you're having sex
with everyone you're going on a date with, then I guess you better keep it to one person
at a time.
But that's not what we're doing out here.
We're just out here.
Low stakes.
You guys, I talked to a single pastor.
The reason why I'm in the area that I'm in right now is because I met with a pastor,
a single pastor of a big church.
church, medium-sized church, here in West L.A. Going to be doing some stuff together.
You guys, I'm very excited about the things that are coming for our movement with different
pastors in Jersey, New York City, Los Angeles, Austin, Dallas, all kinds of fun things, guys.
But he's single, and we were talking about his whole church is full of single people.
And we're talking about how men especially get very intimidated by the church culture
of you cannot get to know someone unless you're going to marry them, right?
People want there to be an emphasis on commitment from day one as Christian singles trying to
get to know each other.
You guys, that is very unrealistic.
Out of all the love stories that I've had a front-row seat to, I can tell you that nine
out of ten of them did not know that this was their spouse when they first started hanging
out with them.
They did not know.
And I'm talking about the men.
They did not know, okay?
Please do not expect people to know right away, and do not put emphasis on whether or
not if they know or don't know that that's not God's pick for you, okay?
We're not going to—we'll unpack that on a different call, but that's not the way this
works.
Okay, next question.
Someone had their hand up.
Who was it?
Thanks for the feedback, Jackie.
Yeah, you're welcome, Samantha.
And once again, I'm not throwing—don't even tell us the name of the book or the dating
coach because I'm not throwing them under the bus.
All I'm saying is that—
Not at all.
There's a lot of rhetoric out there, but I do appreciate your feedback, and so thanks
for the shared space.
Appreciate it.
Okay, so make sure you give them that fourth date, Samantha, because you never know.
That could be the one.
That could be the winner, that fourth date.
You got it.
All right, keep going.
Let's go.
Suzy, I don't know if that's how you say your name.
Yes.
Go ahead.
That's correct, Suzy.
Suzy.
Good evening.
I have a question in regards to how much communication would be appropriate when you meet someone
face-to-face after the first date, and they seem to be interested.
What would be appropriate?
The reason I'm asking is because I met someone after chatting with them for maybe a couple
of days.
We met in person.
The first day was like three hours, and after the first date, the next day we talked for
like almost three hours.
Yeah.
Well, I have videos on this in phase two, and you should have seen those before you
got to phase three.
I did.
I don't like to make rules, you guys, so all of these things, okay, it's a yes until it's
a no, all of it.
These are just kind of pro tips.
These are just kind of guidelines, and hopefully they'll help you.
I do believe that every love story is different and unique, and so if you don't do things
exactly like what we're telling you to do and it turns into a love story, great, awesome.
Once again, we give this advice, this wise advice and counsel based on just once again
having a front row seat to hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of love stories, okay?
So, to answer Suze's, Suze, Suze?
Suzie.
To answer her question, if you're talking for hours and hours, guess what you're going
to probably do?
You're going to probably tell someone a whole bunch of stuff that they don't need to know
about you yet.
I don't know about you guys, but I can't talk just on light subjects for three hours, right?
We're talking about our childhood.
We're deep diving into how we feel about things.
We're talking about pop culture and events, and we're deep diving into our opinions and
all kinds of different things.
I mean, that's what we're doing, and what's happening there is if we don't end up offending
and triggering each other with that three-hour conversation, we are creating like an emotional
bond, right?
It starts to feel like we know this person so well, and so look, like I said, everyone
hates the small talk phase.
I used to give people like a time limit, like, hey, don't talk on the phone for longer than
an hour.
One of my guys that got married, he was militant about that.
He set a time where he's like, okay, done, okay, I got to get off now kind of thing,
but I don't give a time limit anymore, but if you feel like you're going too deep, you
feel like things are getting too personal, then it's probably time to call it a night
because you might end up saying something that you're really not ready for that person
to know about you.
Here are case in point.
I had a private client once, and she's a very reserved person, but she felt like she knew
this person all of her life.
When they got together in person, it felt like she had known him all her life.
There was such a rapport.
There was such a connection.
You guys, we will meet people like that, that we just feel so comfortable with, and she
ended up really sharing a lot of personal stuff with him, and guess what?
It didn't turn into a relationship.
Actually, he never even asked her out on a second date.
And it didn't, I don't think it had anything to do with her oversharing because once again,
she's a very balanced, reserved person and, but she felt violated.
She felt violated by having shared all of that stuff with this pretty much stranger
and never seeing him again.
And now he's like running around the world with all her personal information, right?
So ask yourself when you're sharing, ask yourself before you share.
And as you're talking for hours, before you open your mouth to say something deeply personal,
ask yourself, would it bother me if this person knew this about me and we never talked again?
Cool.
I don't want you guys to pendulum swing into being little clams that are all shut up and
not open hearted.
I want you to be open hearted, but I also just want you to be wise.
That makes sense.
He seems to be the one sharing a lot.
And I noticed that it's triggering me because his story, it's similar to my son's story
and my son passed a few years ago.
I think that's why I'm having a hard time.
So last night, it was very brief.
The first two nights, it was like very, very long today hasn't, we haven't talked yet,
but I'm going to make sure I remember what you just shared because it makes a lot of
sense because I'm ready to, I think he's a really good guy and I'm starting to feel like
I need to run because of these heavy conversations.
Yeah.
Because what's happening is you guys think about, you know, new relationships, especially
think about them as new bank accounts.
Please write down this analogy.
God gave it to me years ago and I think it's great.
It's a great analogy.
When you open a new checking account, you cannot withdraw more than you deposit, right?
Because if you do withdraw more than you've deposited into this new account, tell me what
will happen.
Someone unmute yourself and tell me what will happen if you do that.
Overdrawn.
Overdraft.
That's exactly right and sometimes you'll get a fee or whatever.
You'll overdraft.
In some new accounts that are not checking accounts, like savings account, you'll actually
get penalized if you start withdrawing after you just deposit it, right?
You can only make so many withdrawals a month or whatever.
Now the reason why this is a great analogy is, is that you cannot withdraw more than
you deposit in a new relationship, meaning that you got to make some deposits.
You got to get to know this person.
You got to let them get to know you before you start sharing some withdrawals, some things
that are not that great about you, some of the trauma that you've been through.
You can't, you can't be sharing that negative information.
Okay.
Yeah.
God worked through it beautifully.
Okay.
Wonderful.
But I'm just going to tell you right now, if they do not have the grace because they
do not know the present version of you, they do not have the grace to hear about your past
yet because they don't know the present version of you, then they're not going to give themselves
a chance to get to know you after you share that.
They don't know you well enough.
Okay.
You used to be an addict.
God's delivered you.
That's amazing.
That's a great testimony.
You know who that testimony is not for?
A first date.
They don't need that information about you.
You're making a deposit in this new account right now.
You can't make a withdrawal.
You can't.
Because maybe their dad was an addict and he died as an alcoholic.
Okay.
Or vice versa.
Their, their former wife, this is true.
This is really a true story of one of my private coaching clients.
His former wife, they were childhood sweethearts that got married at 17 years old.
They had three kids.
They had an amazing life.
They met Jesus together and she remained an alcoholic and walked away from the Lord, did
not want anything to do with the church, didn't want anything to do with freedom or any of
those things.
And he fought for her and prayed for her.
These are childhood sweethearts.
And she actually passed out outside of their home in the snow and froze to death in an
alcoholic stupor.
She died y'all in the snow outside their house.
So guess what?
He is not going to want to be with someone that he doesn't get to know the present version
of if they have a backstory like hers, where they used to be an alcoholic.
Like he's going to, it's going to be a no on the first date for him if he finds that
out.
If he doesn't see how that he doesn't see their deliverance, he doesn't get to see them
in real time.
So it's not to shame you for your backstory.
It's to tell you that some people are not ready to hear your backstory yet until they
can see your present story.
So he's the one that's over sharing.
Yeah.
But he's not, he's not my client.
He's not my student.
So he doesn't have this coaching.
So your, your, your job now is to make a decision because he doesn't have this coaching that's
keeping him from sharing because I'm going to tell you.
That's what he's doing.
And this is what a lot of you guys had done before you got into this program and into
this coaching.
Okay.
He's trying to lay all of his cards, good, bad, and ugly on the table to see if you run
away.
And that's what he said.
Yeah.
That he wants to lay all of his cards on the table.
Yeah.
Okay.
So what you have to do now is you have to discern whether or not he is in a healthy
enough place for a relationship present time, or if he really needs a lot more work, remember
we all have yellow flags, but what's going to turn his yellow flags green is you can
start asking him questions about his accountability, about who's mentoring him.
Cause you guys, here's the thing.
We don't want to go deep like that, but this dude already went deep.
And so now she's got to figure out whether or not she should even keep talking to him
because if he's not healthy enough to handle getting to know her, then she's going to have
to go ahead and move on.
It's going to be a yes.
And it's going to become a no.
So who's mentoring him?
What kind of spiritual community is part of, what is he doing to make sure that he continues
to stay in health and continues to go forward?
You guys, a lot of you may end up marrying someone, not a lot of you, but some of you
may end up marrying someone who had a former life controlling problem like addiction, but
it's going to be very important.
And God's going to give you grace for this, that you know that that is in their past and
it is not going to be in their future.
That's going to be very important.
Very, very important.
And so remember you are God defended.
God's going to show you what you need to see.
I'm so thankful that my, my, my current husband didn't throw his ex-wife, his former wife
under the bus.
When I met him, she, he had all kinds of issues with her, like the way that she left the family,
she abandoned the family.
He didn't tell me any of that about her.
I found that out during our marriage little by little by little.
And I'm so glad that he didn't because she was a very difficult person.
In the first two years of us being married, she showed her butt many, many, many, many,
many times.
And I will tell you, if I knew that I was signing up for that before we got married,
I might not have married him and I would have missed out on the greatest adventure of my
life because I would have thought, Oh no, I can't handle no baby drama, baby, baby mama
drama.
No, I am not the one for that.
And God's like, you're the one for whatever I say, you're the one for when you're surrendered
to me.
And so I'm glad that he didn't tell me all of that dirty laundry because it might have
caused me to run away because I've heard all the horror stories about blended families
and baby mama drama and all the things and toxic former wives and husbands and all the
stuff.
Okay.
And I say that to say this, when you're surrendered to God, as you're getting to know someone,
you continue to surrender that relationship to God.
You guys don't go out with people without praying about them and praying for them and
praying that God shows you what you need to see when you need to see it.
It's important that you don't see that stuff out of timing and you won't if you don't start
digging, put your shovels away, stop trying to dig.
Don't be going through their garbage while they're sleeping at night.
Don't do that.
And the reason why is because God will show you what you need to see when you need to
see it.
And if you need to see it, got to trust God, got to trust him because once again, everyone
has issues.
Everybody.
All right.
What's the next question?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, keep us posted.
We want to know.
All right.
Keep going.
Who's the, what's the next question, anybody?
I don't know.
There's some sketchy people out here, so is there anyone else has a quick, Oh, Andy has
a question.
Jackie.
Okay.
Andy, go for it.
Hi.
So I tend to struggle with small talk.
So do you have any tips on how to do that?
Like, I just, I like to talk about really controversial topics, not necessarily like
all about myself all the time, like you're saying, but like just in general, like topics
that like most people disagree with.
And so I find it difficult to small talk because my interests are centered around those kind
of topics.
Okay.
So I think honesty is the best policy.
You guys, everyone, we don't have to pretend like we have it all together.
I think that it's very refreshing when we show up to meet a new person and we say, especially
if it's a date context, if it's a dating context, we show up and just say, Hey, I'm really bad
at small talk.
I'm pretty awkward.
Or I actually talk about things that, you know, maybe or not, you know, it's not the
appropriate topics for first time meeting.
So if you don't mind, I have brought a few fun, you know, questions for us to ask each
other.
You guys, there's games you can play with each other.
There's one called we're not strangers.
Is that what it's called?
I think it's called, we're not really strangers or something.
Anyway, find a lot, find a couple of low-key cards, the fun little questions, keep it lighthearted,
especially on the first date, but don't be afraid to have assistance if you, like Andy,
are just really not that good at this, that's okay.
And I feel like people will think that's very endearing, honestly.
I do.
You guys, David Dorman has no game, zero game, zero game, to this day, he doesn't have any
game.
All right?
And so I was the instigator of that relationship.
Now, I didn't fully know that he liked me, but I kind of had a suspicion that he might,
and I'm a very flirty person, extremely, extremely, like, you know, funny and fun, and as you,
I'm sure you can tell.
And I'm the person who was constantly, like, for instance, you know, text messaging was
just becoming a thing, and it was still, you had to push the button like 15 times to get
the letter.
It was that era of text messaging.
And he was my next-door neighbor, and sometimes I would just text him from my house and be
like, what are you doing in there?
Like he's just right next door in his house, like, what are you doing in there?
Like, you know, or I'll be behind him accidentally, like, you know, we'll have left at the same
time and I'll see his beat-up jalopy car, like, ahead of me at the light by three cars
and then I'll text him and be like, you drive like a grandma.
And then I'll see him, like, look down at his phone at the stoplight and I'll see that
he sees my message and then looks in the rearview mirror and just laughs, you know, like, just
like, I see you.
So if you have a fun personality, use it.
And if you don't have really like a free fun personality, then fake it.
And when I say that, I mean, get yourself some assistance, bring some fun things with
you, you know, get things that, you know, open you up and help you.
And if you're the person on the date that has the fun free personality, draw that other
person out of their shell.
You can draw them out, use your personality to draw them out.
Complimentary opposites are the best mates.
The best spouses are two people that are not polar opposite, but are complimentary
opposites.
So the chances, if you're really outgoing, that you end up with a little bit of an introvert
are really good and vice versa.
Okay.
And I want to say one more thing.
If you're fairly healthy, trust your instincts, okay?
Don't ignore your instincts.
If you know that this is absolutely is not going to be a love connection, it's not, but
the other person is not like, there's nothing wrong with them necessarily.
Bring them into this community, help them to connect, help them.
This guy's kind of sketchy.
I'm going to go inside.
Follow your instincts.
See how, see me?
See me following my instincts?
See me being demure and mindful?
Okay.
There's David Dorman.
Okay, guys.
I'm out in the front now.
There's no one out here.
Okay.
So any other questions?
We have Charlotte was willing to get into the love seat and ask a question as well.
Charlotte, do you want to go ahead?
Okay.
Make it quick.
Let's do it quick.
Okay.
I will try to make it quick.
I typed it in the chat, but there was somebody who I went on a few dates with, and every
time we were together, he would go into his divorce story and then kind of go on a tirade
about how horrible divorce is and how so many churches allow it and it's wrong.
And this past time, after asking me what I thought about it, I said, well, I don't have
any further thoughts because you've talked about this two other times.
And then he apologized for saying it again.
And he's telling me he's gone through counseling.
And when I was talking to him originally, it felt like it felt very hard work.
Like he seemed like he really had gone through things.
But then the fact that he keeps bringing this up over and over again.
Okay.
So let me tell you what's wrong with him.
Okay.
Let me tell you what his yellow flag is.
And hopefully he's going to get the right coaching so it can become a green flag.
want to be divorced and his wife divorced him and he doesn't believe in
divorce. He doesn't,
he has not made peace with the idea that it's not wrong to be divorced and now
he's been forced into this season of his life where he's doing something that
God doesn't agree with and doesn't want.
And he feels guilty about even being on a date
because he's not convinced that he's even allowed to move on from this.
Okay.
So you, because you're a date, what's wrong with people?
Gentlemen, that's not sexy. I just want to let you know, women are not like, Oh,
you'd have such a loud muffler. You know,
I just want to climb in your car. No. Okay. That's not good.
Okay. Um,
the reason why he brings that up on these dates with you is because being on a
date is the trigger. Do you see that?
Hmm. Yeah.
Being on a date is the trigger because you know, once you get married,
you expect to never be on a date again. Now,
if his wife had passed away, then he might've be able to make peace with it.
But the fact that he told you churches shouldn't allow it,
there's our clue that he didn't want it.
It happens and now he doesn't know whether or not it's even legal,
like in the kingdom. Like, you know what I'm saying?
He's obviously been taught that divorce is the unpardonable sin.
Like you don't do it. God hates it. You don't do it.
And if you do do it, then you, you don't get a do over.
And you guys, that's bad theology. It's not true. It isn't.
It's not true.
I do a whole teaching theologically on divorce and remarriage.
If you haven't seen that it's in, I believe it's in heartwork.
Isn't it Bethany?
Yes, it's in the heartwork.
Okay. So do we have an archive for people in phase two and three and the guys to
be able to access teachings from phase one and two after they're no longer in
phase one or two?
We'll have to chat about that on the team meeting because that's, okay. Yep.
But we will have that. You guys, we've been working on that.
I didn't know if it was live yet,
but I'd like an archive of teachings that you can go like a library. Okay.
So go easy on that guy.
You know, you might even want to say something to him at this point,
since he's gone deep with you about that three times now.
If there's anything else about him that is, you know,
positive or a green flag that you might want to consider this a yellow flag that,
you know, and point him in the direction of the type of coaching that we do say,
Hey, I noticed that, you know, you're, you're,
you're still really upset about your divorce. And, you know,
I'm in a singles group with a guy and I'm in a singles group with a guy and I'm
in a singles group where there are a lot of people that have gone through what
you've gone through. And, and our coach has a really good teaching on this.
And if you'd, if you'd like to, I'll connect you.
Okay. Cool. Yes. Thank you.
Is there anything else positive about him?
Yeah, he's I mean, I originally thought he had the three M's
and he's he's in a, he definitely seems to love the Lord a lot.
He's very serious, obviously. And he
we have a lot of the same interests.
But so far I'm not really enjoying our interactions
very much.
Well, no, you're not enjoying it because you know,
you're like becoming like a biblical counselor or a therapist and that's not
fun. So yeah. And so, and it's okay for you to say that to him,
you guys, it's okay for her to say that really respectfully to him as well.
Say, Hey, you know, I've been enjoying, and then you just tell him this,
this and that. But the thing that, you know,
kind of not enjoyable is, you know,
talking about this, I would really love to point you in a direction where,
you know,
you can talk with people that have also gone through this and some good
coaching. But other than that,
I'd love to just get to know the present version of you and, you know,
hang out without, you know, having to talk about these negative things.
I understand that you went through that,
but I'd like to just get to know the present version of you.
It's okay to say that.
And if he manifests when you say that to him and he gets all upset about it,
you know, and stuff, then, you know, then he's, he's less,
he's even more unhealthy than we think.
Right.
All right. And if all else fails, blame it on me. Say, Hey, you know,
I have a dating coach and she's always like, Hey, don't,
don't talk too much about, you know, the bad stuff that's happened.
Let's kind of focus on just getting to know the present versions of each other.
We can talk about that stuff later.
Cool. Yeah. Thank you very much.
You guys, you can always blame it on me. And here's the thing.
If you feel embarrassed that you have a dating coach, why?
Everybody needs coaches in their lives.
Guys, Michael Jordan had a coach.
Until he retired from basketball, he had a coach.
Everybody has coaches.
Well, let me take that back.
All successful people have coaches.
Successful people have a coach in any area
where you're not nailing it,
where you're not a 10 out of 10.
Everyone has a coach.
I have tons of coaches in different areas of my life.
I'm about to try yet another health and wellness coach.
Because one or two things are happening.
I'm not picking the coach that's right for me,
that's really important,
and or I'm not listening to them.
It could be either.
It could be either, all right?
I'm just gonna be honest.
Could be either.
So I'm gonna try again.
And for those of you that are like,
man, I need a health coach too,
I have good news for you.
That goes back to the beginning of this call
where I said we have some fun.
I think we lost her, you all.
So we'll just have to see if she comes back on.
Good questions happening here.
As some people are asking, just so y'all know,
so basically the divorce and remarriage
was in your heart work.
No matter when you did heart work,
we've been doing it for years.
But if you're in phase three,
we'll have to work on maybe this week
getting that like available for you all.
But at some point,
the team is talking through the idea of having a library.
But y'all, we have to test it.
There's a lot that goes into it.
But we'll let you all know
if we move in that direction of the library
as soon as we can.
We'll see.
I don't know if she's gonna be able
to jump back on or not, y'all.
It's been good tonight.
Good questions, you guys.
Thanks for those that asked questions,
whether in the chat or in the Q&A.
For those that asked questions,
whether in the chat or out loud,
it really makes the event, y'all,
when you open up and ask questions.
And this is how everybody learns from each other
and from the experiences people are having.
So great job.
Okay, she's back.
Hi.
Jackie.
I see David Dorman.
Hi.
Well, she's loading fully on.
Bethany, can I ask you a question?
It's come up.
Oh, they're back.
Bye.
All right.
Go ahead and ask Bethany that question.
We're gonna go ahead and wrap up, guys.
It's come up a couple of times at a couple of places.
How do I tell a guy it's a no
because he's just not as much of a Jesus lover
as I really need without turning him off
of loving Jesus more?
Yeah, I'm gonna give that to Jackie.
How do you know that?
Oh, I'm relaying a question
that's come up in a couple of different places.
Oh, okay, it's not your question, Erin Joy.
It's someone else's question.
No, but it might be my question sometime.
I mean, you know, how are we going to judge
whether or not someone loves Jesus?
I mean, how are you judging it would be my first question.
Okay, I will tell you that people would need
to get to know me pretty well
before they know that I love Jesus
and that I'm not just a good person,
kind person, helpful person.
You know, I don't wear Jesus on my sleeve,
and I think that some Christians talk about Jesus
more than Jesus talked about Jesus, okay?
Our job is to walk as disciples of Jesus
in the power of the Holy Spirit
and to be like Jesus in the earth,
not to necessarily, you know, try to market Jesus, right?
And so if they don't have, you know, a fish bumper sticker,
if they don't have a Jesus Christ hat on,
Jesus is my homeboy sweatshirt, you know,
if they're not always talking about
what they're doing at church, you know, in different things,
it doesn't mean that they don't love God.
It doesn't mean that they're not someone
who is trying to follow after Christ.
They might be in between churches.
You guys know how many powerful, amazing people
that I know right now that are in between churches?
Like they do not have a home church right now.
They do not go to church regularly
because they do not have a home church.
They're struggling to find a place.
They didn't feel connected at whatever church they were at,
and now they're struggling to find another place.
These are really wise, good, Jesus-loving people.
And so I guess to answer your question, Aaron Joy,
is let's make sure that we're not judging people
based on some criteria that's incorrect, number one.
And number two, we're going to look for fruit, not gifts.
Look for fruit in people's lives, not gifts.
Gifts, I'm not saying that gifts are faked, but gifts definitely are,
the Bible says are without repentance, meaning that just because someone is operating in gifts,
they can quote scripture, they're prophetic, you know, whatever stream you come from,
whatever gifts go with that, does not mean that they are living an overcoming life.
It does not mean that.
Fruit does mean that.
It does.
Do they have peace?
All right.
Do they have joy?
Are they patient?
You know, are they expressing love for other people?
I'm just going to say, you know, because we just had an election here in America.
If someone is ranting and raving about human beings and how much they suck and how stupid they are
and how you're so glad, you know, that that demonic Kamala is not in office,
they're not a Christian.
They are not a Christ follower.
Okay?
That is a nasty political spirit.
If you are posting about how horrible people are and you're so thankful that, you know,
that they're, you know, whatever, that they're going to get what's coming to them,
that's not a Christ-like thing to say.
It's not.
Okay?
And just because you think that you're on the side of righteousness and those people are not,
if you feel like that gives you permission to degrade people and to talk bad about people
and to gossip about people, to make up or perpetuate rumors about people
that you do not have firsthand knowledge of because you were not there
and you did not see it happen with your own eyes, then you need to repent.
It's not godly.
And I will tell you, when I see people doing that, I unfriend them.
I block them quietly.
I delete them.
I don't have to announce their departure from my page,
but I do separate myself from that because I don't want to see it.
Right?
I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to see it.
And so I think right now, more than any time ever,
you can just look at what people are putting out in the world
and you can see whether or not they have any fruit.
Amen?
We like fruit, y'all.
Fruit inspectors.
Remember, nobody's perfect, but if someone has visceral hatred coming out of them
for another people group, Jesus don't live there.
Okay?
And if that offended you,
I'd like to say I'm sorry, but I'm not.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
I hope that it offended you to repentance.
Okay?
Sometimes offense is pointing to an unhealed part of our own heart.
Okay?
God did not give you permission to rail against people that disagree with you.
He did not give you permission to verbally abuse people that disagree.
Cool?
That is not, what's it called?
That's not righteous indignation.
It's not righteous at all.
There's nothing righteous about it.
And if you give me the whole,
well, Jesus turned over the tables in the temple.
You guys, that was the spirit of religion that Jesus was coming after,
not a person.
A spirit of religion.
Yeah.
It's not good, but he wasn't coming after people.
He was coming after the demons that were working through people.
That's a big difference.
Right.
And specifically religious demons.
Okay.
So let's not get that twisted.
There's a whole theology behind that.
We are to love people.
All right.
And it's important that we do that.
All right.
Okay.
Let's see.
What do we have coming up?
We have supernatural Saturday tomorrow.
We're going to have a full circle.
And so if you can be with us, you guys, I will be out of pocket again.
I apologize.
So there might be a little bit of distractions and disruptions,
but we're going to press through for that.
And I think that's it. I think that's all we have, Bethany.
You have anything more before we.
Just past session next Tuesday, y'all come ready to learn.
We have a lot to download into you all.
In these next few months. So come expectant.
And that is all that I have. We hope to see you all tomorrow.
Okay.
That's I think that's it. Jackie, are you still there?
Oh, there she is.
Good night, everyone.