So there we go.
We are recording Men's Heart Check-In for Monday,
November 11th.
So yay, we're recording.
It's really good.
All of you who can't make it on Monday night
and you're watching this in replay, we welcome you
and want you to definitely enjoy this conversation
and interaction that we're going to have tonight.
Everybody, we were just rehearsing some changes
and woes and different things we're going through.
So thank you, Mike, for sharing some of that.
Just wanted to, again, open the floor tonight to share.
We might have a couple new people.
Danny, hi, Danny.
Danny, I've met you in person, right, in Reading.
Is that correct?
Yes, sir.
Is this the first time you've been on a Heart Check-In,
though?
Yeah, this is my first one.
I couldn't make it to the other ones.
Oh, that's it.
Yeah, it's cool.
I just want to double check that.
So just welcome.
We always want to welcome, make sure
we're giving attention to first-timers as well.
Steven.
Pardon me.
Hi, Steven.
OK.
My mic is much more quiet than Mike's, just an FYI.
So it's really low.
I have a little microphone over here like this.
Is it better if I talk into that?
But I'm not going to do that all night.
So I'm going to just turn it up.
How about that?
I'm going to go like this and then turn it up.
So give me a second.
Let me do that.
Why is David's neck all crooked?
Oh, it's because he was talking into the mic all day.
I'm like this all night.
Yeah, he's trying to do an ASMR thing, you know?
Being all that close.
I'm going to totally abandon this if this does not work.
I once listened to a Lord of the Rings ASMR audio book.
Well, it wasn't Lord of the Rings.
It was Silmarillion ASMR.
Oh, I love the Silmarillion.
I read the book.
I didn't want to actually read a physical book.
I wanted an audio book.
And the only thing I had for one portion of it
was the ASMR, the only thing I could find.
I've been listening to Jackie at 1.25.
You guys are going way off the reservation.
I don't even know what you're talking about now.
Way off into no man's land.
I don't get how people can process things
if they put it on a faster speed.
I don't get it.
1.25 is about the most.
If you do 1.5, it's way too fast.
My audio books are at 2, so, you know, but.
At 2?
Yeah, I'm jamming through.
Well, it actually depends.
Some of them are slow, right?
Oh, if they're slow, yeah.
I had one where the author read it,
and oh, she enunciated everything.
It was driving me crazy.
If I'm reading like a medical, doing a medical audio book,
I like it at 0.8.
Wow.
Yeah, probably makes more sense.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
OK.
You guys are really dialed in on your like audio books things.
I don't know what to say about that, so.
Long commute, like a two hour commute.
Oh, that's why.
And if you have Speechify, you can turn anything
into an audio book, even if it's not.
Oh, yeah.
This is awesome.
Is this what we're going to do all night?
We're going to talk about audio speed?
Oh, I want to talk about some kind of win I had.
There you go.
I'll get to you in just a minute.
Steven, I want to welcome you.
Is this your first time to Monday Heart Check-In?
This is my first live.
I've watched a couple of the recordings, but yeah.
I'm not in the US, so my time zone
is quite different to where you guys are.
Yeah.
Is it morning time for you?
It's actually 2 PM or quarter past 2 in the afternoon
right now.
And that is what, the next day though, right?
Your Tuesday?
Yes.
That's correct, yes.
Man, what's it like to be in the future?
Tell me.
I can tell you all sorts of things.
Do you want to know the lotto numbers?
It's going to happen tomorrow at noon
so that I can be ready for it.
At least we know the world's still here, right?
Yes.
That's great.
That is true.
The world is still there at 2 o'clock to Monday.
Brian, welcome.
This is not your first time, right?
I don't think I did a check-in a couple years ago.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever done a live one.
Wow, OK, cool.
So welcome, Brian.
Thank you.
I just saw Brian in.
California.
We were at a conference together, a hundred X conference.
So that was really great and really cool.
Um, I am careful to not plug a lot of things to try to sound salesy,
you know, but I'd be willing to talk about more things on this heart check
and call too, or maybe we schedule another type of call to talk about
other things because there are some other things that, you know, I'm
connected to the check-in are connected to that we'd love to share with people.
Uh, for their benefit, not for like trying to like upsell something or
trying to affiliate or anything like that, but just to literally expose.
Um, kingdom people to new things, new ideas, new ways of thinking.
Um, most of you are enterprising and career oriented.
You're already doing amazing, wonderful, innovative things.
And, um, so, but just being said, uh, I believe that kingdom people need
to be cutting edge and should be cutting edge in terms of business,
entrepreneurial technology, their career field, they should be excelling.
They should be the ones that, um, are getting promoted because of their,
their kingdom affiliation because of their character, because of their
excellence and because they value, you know, a lot of good things.
They value good input.
So I believe that kingdom people can and should be above, uh, the rest of the
crowd, just simply because of who they know, which is the maker and creator of
the universe, you know, and it's good stuff.
And we leverage influence that way.
I believe that is biblical.
I believe it is honorable.
I believe it is heaven for us to influence spheres, wherever that is.
You could be in, you know, the greatest father, you know, we all should be good
fathers, um, fathers in the faith.
We should be fathers of our own children.
We should be a good fathers.
Even if we don't have our own children, we should be men who have father
characteristics that we see, you know, our sense of fatherhood, but you could
be a really good family, ma'am.
And you could be a guy who just has a nine to five regular career and, and
you're affecting another generation.
So it's not about station.
It's not about like, Oh, being super successful or being super
wealthy or being super well-known.
It's about excelling in the space where God has you.
It's about you taking your skillset and going, what has God given me?
To develop, to increase, to invest in, in my time, money, and my energy in order
to make more of what it is that God's given me to begin with, you know, and
being a good steward of that and putting that to good use and leverage righteousness.
That doesn't mean that you're, everybody has to be a preacher.
It doesn't mean everybody has to be some sort of sage of wisdom.
It doesn't mean that everybody has to be some CEO or, you know,
some high government official.
But we, when we are all excelling and doing our best and we are excelling at
what God has given us, then, you know, we are affecting change, not only in our
own lives, but in the world and the world around us.
So I love that idea.
So anyway, we can talk more about that.
Either another call or another venue.
So give me some feedback if that's kind of logic, kind of stuff is interesting to
you, you know, give me some ideas as far as like what it is that we could talk
about more in that space, by the way, the hundred X organization we're involved
with is a kingdom entrepreneurial development.
It's a community.
It's a, it's a movement.
And we found, we find our people there.
So like a lot of individuals that are connected to last year, single for the
purposes that they're connected to this movement and this community and getting
the inspiration and the coaching and the sort of like getting the camaraderie
that you guys get here, we get that from our hundred X community.
So just so you know what, in terms of just kind of like what that means to us,
it's like, it's like our, like our people, it's like our community, our, our
group of believers that we're in life with and connecting with.
So that's all I'll say about that.
So if you're interested to talk about that more, reach out, put something in
the chat there so I can just review the chat and just, we have information
on what you're interested in.
Anybody.
Entrepreneurial like, um,
as in either you own your own business or like you are, um,
I don't know why my hand just got raised. I didn't do that, but it's kind of
weird.
You're part only ownership of the rest of the business.
You're voting for your own recommendation. I like it.
Yeah. I have voting for myself. Um,
anybody in the entrepreneurial space where you either have your own business,
you're like a, you know, like you do multiple projects or whatever it is,
you know, whatever, it's very broad term, right?
But in that space or all career people,
I don't know just one thing or the other. And again,
one thing is not better than the other. Yeah. I had to discern Brian.
I know you own your own business. Anybody else on their own business?
No, really? No. I mean, I, um,
I like writing not fiction novels,
but I've never like actually tried to get them published because it's just like
the money and also like the know-how to promote a book.
Yeah. Okay.
Also I invent board games, but again, I still haven't gotten any, um,
I don't know how to do business. So.
Okay. I figured I was pretty fascinating. I figured why,
why bother when you work for a company who's going to do for who does,
who's going to take care of you,
but also you can learn the skills from that company.
So you're going to start your own business. And I thought.
Absolutely. And I believe that, I mean,
I believe when I talk to groups of men,
um, I talk about a concept that I,
I believe like everybody has a business and some people are like,
well, that I've never thought of myself as a business person or having my own
business or having any idea that could be a business and that kind of thing.
And when I say that everybody has a business, I mean, in the sense of like,
you know, when you say mind your own business, you know,
it is like you have a business.
And what that is is everything that's God has given you.
Like I was talking about earlier skillset ability,
like all of us have a uniqueness about what we bring to the table.
In the situations. And then when you're, when you're,
when you're hitting on all cylinders, you know,
you find yourself in a very sort of, um,
uh, maybe a career oriented situation where you're working,
you could be working for another company and you're really good at what you do
and you're compensated well for it. That kind of thing. That's your business.
That is your like expertise. That is your, like,
I think we're all have the ability to be experts
in our skillset.
And a skillset isn't just a learned pattern of behavior. I mean,
skillset is more, it's, it includes your character.
It includes your wisdom and includes your, your personality. It includes,
you know, like I said, everything that you have to bring to the table.
And I think it's very powerful for us as believers, especially men.
Um, you know, like I've said before,
we're at our best when we're attending the garden.
That's the biblical analogy of a man who was
literally in his element, in his space.
Adam was literally gifted with
administration. You can put a whole bunch of words on it. You know,
it's administration, his ability to create,
his ability to organize his ability to perceive and to manage
and all that. You can put a bunch of business terms on it,
but Adam was literally minding his business
when God looked at him and said, and he wasn't sitting on,
I just want to give a stark reality.
It wasn't literally like watching football,
like being couch potato and being lazy and like, you know, playing video games,
not that there's anything wrong with playing video games,
watching football or eating chips on the couch. Right.
But I'm just saying he was not like being his worst self.
He was actually being his best self when God looked at him and said,
this is not good. I'm like, what?
How is the guy literally in his perfection,
in his element with the anointing of God on him in his like heavenly state?
And God looks at him and goes, yeah, this is not good. Like, what do you mean?
Like, this is not good.
This is when he introduces the concept of a helpmate,
someone of his own kind, the, you know,
the idea of producing the woman who came from the rich, all that, you know,
we know the whole story.
So I just think it was interesting that even in our best state,
you know, God's
Looking at us like, you need to help me.
You, you, you're going to be better when you are not only in your best
skillset and your best state, but when you're attending the garden, not just
for yourself, but for your family, the people around you, others you're in
service to, you know, that kind of thing.
And when you're laying down your life, your blood, sweat, and your
tears to produce for you and your family and your offspring and your
community and all that around you, whatever your sphere of influence is.
That is powerful.
That is attractive.
That is, and that is changing the world that is stepping into your
complete divine masculinity.
And that's, what's tied to like what I've been talking about the last several
weeks, talking about answering the question, what do you want and putting
that constantly before you as the motivation to clarify what you should
be doing, what you should be concentrating on, what you should be focusing on.
So the question is, is what do you want?
And then from that, we were saying, we want to make statements
that are declarative statements.
I am statements.
I, I have, I, I am doing, this is, you know, like current present tense
statements that articulate the focus of answering the question, what do you want?
You know, I want to be financially independent.
Okay.
So that's what you want.
You D you'd clear it.
So what's a declarative statement that you can make?
This is, I make this much money, or I have this much money in the bank, or I
invest this much money because I have it to invest, you know what I'm saying?
So those declarative statements that we're focused on, that's why I've been
having you do that because I want each one of you to, you know, get into a state
of mind where you're focusing on.
This is, I'm becoming the best of me.
I'm becoming the best version of myself.
And, um, a little funny thing.
I was going to play it for you tonight and I still will, if I can, but,
um, I saw two, um, I'm trying to figure out, I should have figured out
technologically how I could do this, but, um, I saw two, uh, Instagram
reels today that were absolutely hilarious.
And it just kind of showed, um, the masculine and feminine, um, is a sort
of an extreme example of how they're doing.
I shouldn't mention this, but I'm not going to show it.
I mean, let me see if I can figure out how to show that here.
Uh, but anyway, I'm tracking on this because I, I want you to understand
that even in relationship, even in a state, you know, fast forward, you're
married, okay, you're in relationship and you are with the love of your life.
Um, and you're going to encounter life issues.
You're going to encounter relational difficulties because that's just what
the nature of relationship is.
Any relationship that you've had, you can point to good, bad, or indifferent.
However, you're framing that has had its ups and its downs, right?
The same is going to be true of a romantic love, ultimate man and woman
relationship, marriage relationship.
And when that happens, um, we don't want to necessarily talk about like,
Oh, being on the verge of divorce.
But I will tell you that the best people that are coaching people in situations
where they actually are going through a divorce because they've been married
for a time and they've come to a point of irreconciliation, meaning one or the
other or both have decided that this is not working out and they're on the verge
of divorce for men, the recommend the, the sometimes the feeling is, is that,
Oh, I've got to change because that's kind of like typical of what happens.
It's like, Oh, you know, the woman's like, Oh, you need to be better.
You need to be this.
You need to be that whatever.
And trying to meet.
So the man then goes into that.
So like, Oh, I'm going to be it.
I'm going to do that.
I'm going to become what you always want to be, to be like, I'm going to do that
in like, you know, a week when you've been, you know, doing it, missing the
mark, so to speak, you know, for like 17 years, but all of a sudden you're
going to do this in a month or a week or whatever, right?
It's like, it's not realistic because, um, quite honestly, when you start doing
it for her or start to change, you know, for the right reasons or get your act
together, so to speak or whatever, that's like the worst motivation and the worst.
Strategy to try to save your marriage.
And you're like, why are you talking to a bunch of guys who aren't married yet
about like saving your marriage?
Well, because there's.
mentality that goes in line with achieving what it is that you want and achieving your best self
that goes right along with literally saving your marriage and saving it before it even starts.
Which is the strategy when a man is losing his marriage, whether it's his fault or not,
and really doesn't really matter whose fault because it's both people's fault to begin with,
I can tell you that. I looked great on paper in the context in which I was living. I was
in ministry and I looked right. I looked in the context of my community and the people
that are surrounding my family. I looked like I didn't do anything wrong, yet I was getting
divorced and it was inevitable. There wasn't anything I could do about it, right? I looked
like the good guy. She looked like, you know, the wandering whatever. And so on paper, I look good.
But the reality was, was that I was failing in my marriage. I was failing as a husband. I was
failing as a partner. I was failing in so many areas. Why? What was the evidence of that? Because
I was losing my marriage. Hello? I was being completely fulfilled in my ministry skillset.
I was okay, but I was, she was not okay. Right? Now I'm not saying that if I just did all the
right things that I would have saved my marriage, I might've still got divorced. But the recommendation
is this, instead of trying to save your marriage, instead of trying to go after the woman and
please her and do all the things that she wants you to do because you're so deficient or whatever,
instead of trying to be something that you're not, right? Maybe she wants you to be more spiritual.
And so, Oh, I'm going to get real spiritual now. And you're just not like, dude, I'm not that
churchy guy. I'm just not, I love God maybe, or, you know, I'm okay with Jesus and everything,
but I'm just not a deeply spiritual dude. And so you want me to be all like churchy now,
just so that I can put on a front to please you. Okay. So trying to even be something that you're
not, that doesn't help. So the best advice for you to save your marriage is for you, the man
to literally be the best man that you can be not for her, but be the best man or virtue,
physicality, where you go, you go into yourself and you work on yourself.
You forget about chasing her. You forget about trying to romanticize
and be romantic to win her affection. You forget about trying to be something that you're not.
And you go deep digging down into yourself and you literally begin to start manifesting
the best version of you and whether that's, you're going to go hard into your career.
Maybe you're successful in your career. So maybe it's not the career thing. Maybe it's
your physical, physical fitness, your health. Maybe it's your mental wellbeing.
Maybe it's a deep sense of spiritual resolve and commitment that you're like, you know what?
I'm better than this. Maybe it's curbing some behavior that's being destructive in your life.
And you're like, this is not me. This is the best version of myself. I'm going to step into that.
So this is kind of like, I'm just kind of getting, I'm exhorting you tonight because
I'm just kind of just going on with this theme again. This is sort of a constant rehearsal in
my head and in my life of like what I'm trying to endeavor and go after all the time. So it never
stops. It's real important to understand that this is a lifelong pursuit, whether you're single
or whether you're married to the love of your life or beyond. This is the pursuit
of men and especially godly men who literally want to affect change, have a good life.
You want to do good. You want to change the world. I get it. I'm not extremely ambitious
at all. I'm not like this guy who's like, oh, type a stereotype. I'm not this guy that's like,
oh, I want to go change the world. I'm going to do this. And I want to leave a mark on this.
I'm not that guy. Right?
I think if you've met me or if you talk to me long enough, you understand I'm really not that
type of an individual. So that's not really the speech that I'm even giving tonight. I'm not
trying to say you got to be a world changer and you got to be this and you got to be like, you
know, all that you can be. I'm literally saying, no, just be all that you can be. Not all of what
you perceive somebody else to be that you like admire or you like, oh, you know, I'm not that
guy. Exactly. You are not that guy. You are not somebody else. You are Daniel. You are Mike. You
are Andy. You are Hunter. You are John. You are Steven. You are Paul. You are Danny. You are Josh.
You are DJ. That's who you are. You are Brian. That's who you are. You are that person.
And if you are uncomfortable or if you have some feeling of detriment towards who you are,
who you think you are, there's good news that can change.
And the good news is that you're pretty good for who you are.
On one hand, I just heard a message the other last weekend by Will Hart is really good.
And part of it and one part of he said, you know, when you're at your worst, when you're,
when you're, when you're a believer and you're journeying and then you're at your worst,
worst behavior, your lowest moment, when you are at, you know, the, the, a low point in your
life where you're like, man, this really sucks right now because of what I'm going through.
You know, when you're going through something, you can always blame it. Like, well, I'm going
through something. Sometimes it's, it's you that's made the mess and then you can't blame
anybody else. You're like, oh yeah, it's me. But when you're going through the lowest moment of
your life, Jesus is closer to you in those times in the valley. And he says, no, you're in your
you're in the perfect place. You're in the perfect spot. You're right exactly where I want you to be.
You're like, how can you say that? How can you say if I'm in the worst, like I'm in the worst
sin or the worst place or the worst state of mind, how can you say that that's perfectly where I
should be? One way is, is because life is valleys and mountains and valleys and mountains and
valleys, but that's just life is. It is part of life. But if you have never fought the war,
you'll never be able to have the testimony that you won the war.
If you never went through something to overcome it, you can never say that you overcame this.
If you never have the difficulty that you've been through, then you can never say I've been through
it. Does that make sense? So there's purpose in all of this. We sort of understand that,
but at the same time, we don't feel like it's our best. We feel like a failure. We feel like
all the negative things, right? We feel like we didn't do the right thing at the lowest point
of my life. When I was going through my divorce, um, that was happening to me. I felt like the most
miserable failure because I was failing, but at the same time, I can speak from a place
of understanding having gone through that situation. I've told this story before. I was
talking with a mentor me, uh, that was, um, a believer, you know, like a, a, a business leader
and about two years before I went through my divorce. And he literally asked me just,
I was going on and on and on about something. And I was talking to him, trying to get some advice.
And he literally said to me, just stop me. He says, Hey, have you ever failed before? And I'm
like, what do you mean? Have I ever failed? Of course I failed before he goes, no, no, no,
no, no. I mean, like, have you ever failed miserably? I'm like, well, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe he goes like, no. I mean, have you ever literally just failed in your life where like
the people around you that know you, like you're.
your family, the people that you care about the most
are just looking at you like,
they don't even wanna look at you
because it's like, oh my God, this guy's losing it.
This is not good.
Like, and they're embarrassed for you.
And they're like, oh, I don't know what's happening to,
have you seen so-and-so?
Like, oh man, David is just like,
I don't even know what to say.
Have you ever had that kind of,
and I'm like, oh, I don't think I've ever failed like that.
And he was basically like going, yeah, well,
once that happens, and I'm like, wait a minute,
what do you mean once that happens?
He goes, because it's gonna happen.
I'm like, really?
He's like, yeah, it's just gonna happen.
He goes, and then he proceeded to tell me
how he lost his fortune twice.
And he literally had to build back his fortune twice
because it got stolen from him one time
and he lost it in another time in a bad business deal.
And he goes, yeah, I had to get my fortune back.
I couldn't pay for my rent, foreclosed on my house
and blah, blah, blah, went bankruptcy and all this stuff.
And I'm like, oh my God, that's terrible.
He goes, yeah, you're gonna go through something like that.
And I'm like, really?
And he goes, yeah, and when you do,
then come back and talk to me.
And I'm like, whoa, bro, that's like,
this is the advice I'm giving from a mentor?
He's like, yeah.
So basically he's just basically telling me like,
you don't know anything until you've gone through something
in a certain manner of speaking.
And I'm like, wow, that is some hard,
that's a hard saying, who can hear it, right?
That's a biblical.
This is a hard saying, who can hear this?
Who can receive this?
So it is not about if guys,
you're gonna go through something, it's about when.
And some of you have, and some of you are,
and some of you will,
and some of you have gone through a measure of it
and maybe will go through something else.
But I'm telling you what,
if you will continue to focus on what it is that you want,
and you have that focus of who you really are,
you'll go through that, you'll recover.
Like my dad said to me, who was himself also divorced
at one point in his life in the past,
when I was going through my divorce,
he was like, the only thing I can tell you
is I can tell you a lot of things,
but the only thing that really makes sense right now
is that it won't always be this way.
And I'm like, wow, that's profound.
I know you feel what you feel right now.
I know you see it as such.
I know you see yourself as single
and there's no prospects.
Like I'm talking to you guys now.
I know you see yourself as single
and you said there's no prospects for romance
or for relationship or marriage.
But it won't always be this way.
It won't always, you won't always be
in the state that you're in, in the deficient state,
whatever that part of your life is right now.
It won't always be this way.
There'll be a breakthrough, there'll be a turn,
there'll be a shining, there'll be a sunrise.
And you will feel more confident
and better about your life in whatever area
you feel like is deficient right now.
But the more that you can focus on,
I was talking with a guy
that's in our community earlier today.
And he was like, yeah, I've just come to the point
where I'm just like, I'm just no longer,
I'm just ready to not be single anymore.
I'm ready to actually have that life partner.
Because I realized that I have been
just doing everything for everybody else.
And he goes, and now it's time for me.
I'm like, yes, that's right.
And so many of them are saying, well, wait a minute,
that kind of sounds selfish.
Time for me?
No, it's not selfish.
Because what he was saying was,
is he was to the point where like, look,
and this guy's successful, this guy's wealthy,
this guy has resources, has a lucrative career,
he's handsome, he's got a lot of things,
he travels, he goes places,
he's got a lot of things going for him.
He's very eligible bachelor.
But what he was telling me in that it was me time,
he says, I am now ready to focus on
what I need to change in me,
the revelations that I need to have.
So for him, maybe it wasn't necessarily his health
or his physicality or his career or his wealth,
but maybe it was the spiritual
and maybe it was the mental
and maybe it was the heart,
matters of the heart for him.
So.
Now, as he's going through his heart work,
he's literally focusing on the best version of him,
which then becomes what?
The most attractive version of him.
And I believe you me, when he does this,
as you guys are doing this,
things begin to change, things begin to shift.
You meet the person, you're like,
wait a minute, where did this person come from?
Who's this person I've known for 10 years
and I never saw them this way?
Where did this person, like,
how did this person move into proximity with me?
My town only has 300 people in it.
And 301 just moved in and it's the one, or whatever.
Whatever the circumstance may be
that you think is so insurmountable,
it begins to shift and the horizon begins to change.
You experience and view and understand
and know things and they're different.
When you make the resolve to say, you know what?
That's it, I'm gonna be the best me.
I'm gonna start pursuing the things
that I've always wanted to either fix about myself,
or didn't like about myself, not just vanity.
I mean, it could be some of that,
but it's not just vanity.
There are things like everybody knows,
like, look, people don't just talk about sin.
Like, look, you don't gotta tell me what my problems are.
I'm very familiar with my problems.
How many of you are very familiar with your problems?
Raise your hand.
Like, yeah, that's me.
Like, yo, I bro, I know.
You don't gotta tell me, I know me, right?
So I'm talking to that very thing,
that one thing that you're like, dude,
I wish I didn't do that.
I wish that wasn't part of who I was.
I wish I didn't think that way, you know?
I wish I didn't react that way.
That's the thing that you're like, you know what?
I'm not gonna do that any longer.
I'm not gonna behave that way any longer.
I'm not gonna go there anymore.
I'm starting to do me.
And again, not from a selfish standpoint,
but from like, what is the best version of me?
And some of you may not even know yourself that well
to even, like, you've just been so going, going, going,
or being used, used, used, and being like, you know,
give, give, give, that you don't even know yourself.
This is the opportunity where you're like,
okay, I'm gonna become, I'm gonna begin to know myself.
So your declaration might be, okay, I now know who I am.
I am this, this, this.
I am that.
I am.
And then you start rehearsing those powerful statements
and having those statements backed up by action,
massive action.
For some, it's like, just join a gym, you know?
You know?
I'm just throwing that out there.
It's just kind of easy things.
Like some of you, it's just change your diet.
For some people, it's, you know,
get a job that's not McDonald's.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I mean, I don't know if I'm speaking to anybody
directly, I'm not trying to like speak to anybody direct,
but I'm just giving you simple examples to say like,
sometimes it's just a shift.
Sometimes it's just a make up your mind
and this is what's going to be different.
Right?
Maybe it's, I'm not going to waste
two, three, four hours of my day
in whatever you're wasting your day on.
You're like, you know what?
It's a time suck.
That's not productive.
It's not lucrative.
It's not put, it not, it's not advancing me anywhere
to do this.
So I'm not going to spend my time doing that anymore.
Or I'm just going to limit my time.
I used to do that for two, three hours a day.
I'm going to do it for only an hour a day.
And try to make the other two hours
that I'm giving up constructive,
doing something that's productive,
educational, inspirational.
I'm going to, as we started out
the beginning of this conversation,
I'm going to speed up my Audible
so that I can learn more faster.
I don't know.
I'm just making a joke out of that because I don't know.
I just want to make sure everybody's listening.
Let's speed up my Audible
because I'm going to make it faster.
I'm going to only, you know,
listen to a quarter of the book and learn more
and, you know, listen to six books instead of three.
I don't know.
I'm just playing.
I don't know.
But whatever.
it is that you're going to maximize and leverage to make the change in your life
is what you're going to do starting today, tomorrow morning, whatever it takes.
Maybe it's just getting up an hour earlier than what you normally do because you understand that
there's something about getting up earlier that gives a better start to your day.
Maybe it's just managing your day well. There's so many different things. I don't want to give
you too many things because I don't want you to get overwhelmed by, oh, he said 15 different
things that I've got to do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do 15 things.
Do not do 15 things. Just do one. Just do one. Choose one, fixate on it,
and allow it to produce massive change in your life.
When that change comes, then move on to something else.
It's pretty simple. Guys, I'm speaking to myself tonight too. I'm literally preaching
to myself tonight. I'm like, yes, I need to do this. I know what they are. I know the list.
I am going to try. I'm going to try again. I'm going to retry. That's part of what the question,
having the question before you is all about too because many of you have been to this point in
your life and you tried different things. You're like, yeah, that didn't last. It didn't work,
whatever, all the different excuses. It doesn't really matter. It doesn't matter if it didn't
work. It doesn't matter if it didn't last. It doesn't matter if you tried it a thousand times.
You have to not stop trying. Does that make sense?
Don't stop. Get up every day. I sucked today. I'm going to do better tomorrow.
I sucked today. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. Seriously. The better you do that,
the more you do that, you can't help but literally change your life for the better.
And step into the best version of you, which is attractive, handsome, sexy,
which is like irresistible. You want to be irresistible, be the best version of yourself
and walk down the street. Like I am irresistible. Literally. Like there's so many people that want
to connect with me. There's so many women that want to like, have my attention to like, wonder
who that guy is. What is my name? I want your, I want his number. I want him to take my number,
whatever. That is the amazing transformation for you. Give me some feedback for a minute,
because I think it's so funny. I want to try to see if I can play these videos for you because
I just thought they, I just thought they were hilarious. We're heading on a funny note if we can,
but give some feedback and have some conversation. Maybe let me figure this
out technologically. I'm going to meet myself so I can make some noise and go there. So
give me some reaction guys. Go around the room. A couple of things.
I just think it's, they call it the power of a hundred days. Like you do something
for a hundred days and like, you know, and you, and you get to the end of the hundred days and
you're like in a completely different place. And even if you don't do it imperfectly,
the fact that you keep at it for a hundred days changes your life. Right. And, and, you know,
one of the things about, you know, you were talking about earlier that becoming the best you,
like one of the best advice that I got, I was in, my marriage didn't end up working, but
there was a pastor. He's like, what you, what is bad in this relationship? If you go to a new one,
you will take it with you. So you might as well fix it now. So you don't carry it to the next one.
And, and that makes your relationship better. Well, now, like, even if you're not in relationship
fix, like, this was so cool about the heart work. And that's why I love this group is you get to
fix the things before you get into a relationship. So you're both at a, you're, you're a holder
person, so you can have a whole relationship and a good relationship. So I just encourage you,
whatever it is, take baby steps and crush it. Right.
Is it, can I still be the best version of myself? Even if I entertained the
idea of having a sense of humor?
Well, I would hope that your best self would have a sense of
humor, Colonel, like a hunter, you know, like a hunter, like
it's, as part of you, you know, be you, nobody can be you, but
you don't try to be anybody else.
And love yourself, because only you can love you. If you expect
someone to love you, well, well, you well, you don't you can't
get from if you can love or respect yourself, like
self-respect, well, you're not going to get anywhere, it can
only start with you.
Why would you know, like, yeah, you can't you can love others as
you love yourself. So if you're not loving yourself, how can you
love others?
You end up loving them the same way you love yourself. So then,
if you don't really care for yourself, you know, you treat
them exactly like you treat yourself. And it's something to
become aware of.
Well, and if you allow yourself, if you don't stand up for
yourself, then you end up allowing them to treat you like
you treat yourself too, right? So there's a negative context to
that, too. You allow things that you
Hello, he's trying to screen share.
Adding to that conversation, kind of restating what's
already been said, you have to start with yourself, because
yourself, everything inside of yourself is as real as it gets,
and it propagates outward. First, you, then the closest
people to you, like your blood family, and then your closest
friends and your, you know, and it goes outward. That's why
Jesus says that, you know, something along the lines of
that, if you, if you say you love, but you don't love your,
your own family, you're a liar.
Yeah, I've had a past of, I've never been married, but I've had
three past girlfriends and like each relationship ended with,
like them saying I wasn't still in the blank enough about
still in the blank enough about something. And I was kind of of
like the mindset, like, Oh, wait, I got to try to change,
you know. But now I can see it's like, that's not really the
right approach, like the right woman will like the way I am
without me having to, like, go overboard change.
Well, I think, so you need to be locked into your there's things
that we like when you get into relationship, there's things
that you should change. But you should never change who you are,
like your identity, like, who you are, as like, you know, in
Christ and everything else, you need to have that rock solid,
because in your identity is the most attractive view. And you
don't change who God has made you to be, you don't change
that. Now, if you have issues with like, communication, or
your, you know, your, like, those are things that you
change, but you never change anything, you stay in your
identity of who you are, you don't change, you don't change
that part of you for anybody, because then you don't, then
you're no longer you, you're just whatever they want you to
be. Does that make sense? Right? Yeah.
And what I've noticed in my life, is that and this is, you
know, this is just something that's really confusing. Most
of the time, it's like, a woman will say, Hey, I want you to be
this, this, this and this. But then when you become those
things, they become less attracted to you. Because it's
almost like, well, you only became that because I asked you
to. And now you're like, and so like, I'm 36. And I would say
that in the last two or three years, like just this idea of
like, I'm not going to live my life based on what a woman finds
attractive. That used to be kind of like how I used to think
like, Oh, well, is this going to be attractive or that? Like, I
don't really care. Like, and it's not in a negative way.
Like, I just don't care or anything like that. But it's
just simply like, life is short. I'm here to have fun. I'm here
to enjoy myself. And like, if women don't find what I'm doing
or how I'm living attractive, that's okay. That's cool.
That's on them. And I could probably say there's some things
that they do that I don't necessarily find attractive, but
we shouldn't be living for, like what, and it's not even a
specific woman. It's just like, well, what do women find
attractive, right? Like, and it's like, well, a lot of women
find a lot of different things attractive, right? So what I'm
realizing is that I have better luck in dating when I am just
unapologetically myself, and I go into a date, not worried
about, is she going to like this or is she not? And I'm just
going to
Just be myself and if she doesn't like it is it's all good. My life's awesome
Right, and it's her loss at that point. And again, I don't say that with any sort of like
antagonistic tones or anything like that
But it's just at the end of the day like listen, man, this is what I'm really into this
I have these are my hobbies
You know and and this is who I am cool. Who are you?
I'd love to hear more about you know what I'm saying? Like and I and I would offer her the same courtesy
I hope that she wouldn't try to
Be something that you know, she isn't just to impress me and
and what I found is some of the most like
fun conversations and some of the best dates I've been on is
When like it's just two people being fully and completely themselves not worried about what the other person thinks like those are the best conversations
Yeah
It's like the thing
About the shortcomings like what if you feel like your shortcomings are part of who you are and like they should accept that that too
Yeah, I would I would say again, I mean this is all centering this this conversation that you guys are extending into this
you know, it's all centering and like
really
identifying
Yourself and revealing yourself
You first have to again going back to I don't want to sound like a broken record, but this is really important
This is the point that I'm trying to drive home to you
Which is if you can continue to answer the question
What do you want? Not what do you want for yourself?
But how do you want to be who do you want to be? Like, what do you want?
Yeah, you know that that is the same question
Like what do I want is I want to be a person who is respected I want to be a person who is admired
I want to be a person who is funny
I want to be a person because I think I have a funny sense of percent
I want to be a person that people think I am unique and interesting
There's a lot so many different things like all day
I can go around the room and just plug in the words that you guys were just all talking about
You know Brian's like I'm not gonna be the guy who basically is not my authentic self. Cool
Yeah, because the most authentic Brian is the most attractive
Yes point is it's not about trying to win the heart of the person that's sitting in front of you
It's about trying to attract the person that is attracted to that
It's awesome, yeah, that's the thing is that that I okay, here's another here's another thing I had a wingman
Who came out of nowhere I knew this guy, but I didn't know him
Well, he was my really great friend and he literally ended up being my only friend
through the process of my divorce and
subsequently meeting my current wife because he was just journeying through me there through that whole time and
He himself was divorced
But had not remarried
So it wasn't like oh, here's a successful guy that got divorced and got remarried again
I was happily married and there's not gonna tell me a bunch of things
No, this is just a guy who was just being a frenemy and
I didn't know what a good friend he was until he was being my friend
matter of fact in
the context of
My friend group. He was not the kind of person that I was being friendly to
Does that make sense?
He was not the kind of guy say. Oh
All my friends have gone and you're the only one left
and so therefore, you know, like it was like, you know, this wouldn't be normally the guy I would go to and
We were put in proximity and he being a friend he reached out to me
He said how many women have you ever been with? I said, well, you know, I had like a girlfriend and then basically my wife
We met each other in junior high school went through together through junior high school high school and a little bit college
It was time we broke up, but then eventually I came back and we got married
He goes, oh so basically you've only ever known one woman in
Your entire life
Like how she is how she operates how she acts how she is physically
How she you know, like he she is like intimately, right? You only know if known ever one woman
You haven't played the field so to speak you don't know that there's women that will be this way
There's women be that way as well there will a women that will be like all kinds of different ways
Because of their interests their desires their personalities their
Level of attracting I'm saying and what he said was is that you don't you think there's only one type of woman
and sometimes
guys, we have the experience of doing like we put women all in one category because we've like had a little bit of like the
same type of woman either we were in relationship with or we were married to one time or
It's like, and we think all women are like that.
And that's just not true.
Or you watch too many TikToks.
Not true.
So in terms of, what was that, Josh?
Or you watch too many TikToks.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah, you think all women are like, you know,
you get into a certain vein, you'd be like,
oh, all women look this way.
No, they really don't actually.
This is like, not real.
And that's why pornography is so terrible
because it gives you this impression that, you know,
all women are for this and will do this
and will be like this and look like this and so forth.
It's just a complete, like, it's not only a lie,
but it's, I mean, it's the worst of like,
it's, I don't want to make it like sound bad
because it is bad.
Like we all know it's detrimental and so forth.
But I mean, it's just not even, it's not even real.
I mean, it's not even like.
I can create a list of why.
Yeah, like, yeah.
So here's the thing.
When you are, like you guys are all talking about yourself,
centered on becoming the most authentic you
and that being the most attractive you,
what is it you think you're going to attract
when you are living that out and you're walking that out
and you're committed to that?
You're going to start attracting, like there will,
it's almost impossible for the right person
to not come along.
Did I say that right?
Yeah.
It's almost impossible to not attract, you know,
the right person.
Yeah, I was going to say the healthiest,
most alive version of yourself is going to attract
the healthiest, most alive women.
And they're not going to be, yeah, that's so true.
Thank you, Dana, for saying that.
And they're not going to be perfect.
You're just like, you're not perfect.
But at the same time, you're going to find those two
or three things maybe that you're going to connect on.
And then you're going to like, this is the one
and we're going to get married
and you're going to get married, you know,
after a time of really getting to know each other.
And you're going to make that decision
because it is a decision.
You don't just fall into love, like fall into marriage,
like, you know, like accidentally you decide to do it
and you go there and you become married
and then you will experience the beautiful working
out of relationship through relationship
and all that stuff gets ironed out.
And it's a beautiful thing.
So it's good.
So guys, we're up at, we're eight minutes over.
I want to respect everybody's time.
So I love you guys, bless you.
We've had a really good time together.
I hope you get a lot out of this.
We did record it, so it's really great.
So we'll be able to post it.
And I will share those.
I will figure out how to share those videos next time.
And we'll watch that and we'll start off
with a little bit of a funny thing next time.
So God bless you.
Have a great week.
We'll talk to y'all.