All right, so welcome to Love Seeds.
If you're new to Love Seeds, raise your hand.
We want to see all the people that are just joining us in phase three of our program.
This is a regular offering that we have for you on the calendar in phase three, and that
is a group dating coaching relationship advice session called Love Seeds.
Now the way it works is that you can put any and all questions that you have about dating
relationships, heart work, anything that would affect you in this program and in your goals
in the chat, and I do not have a helper tonight, so I'm going to have to go over there and
check that out and see what those questions are.
Usually we have a second person that is helping with this, and then I will answer those in
real time as your dating coach, as your dating guru, as your matchmaker.
But then also, if you have a situation that you would like to discuss in front of the
group about something that's going on, something you saw on a dating app, someone you're talking
to, anything or everything, and you're able to do it concisely without five minutes of
background information, you can jump in the Love Seed and then I can give you advice in
real time.
Sound fun?
And then a lot of times on Love Seed nights, we have a single spotlight, and so we do have
a great guy here tonight that we're going to be spotlighting and getting to ask all
the questions.
Ladies, go easy on him.
He's nervous.
He's shy.
He's never done this before, but he is going to be great, and I know that all of you are
going to be so kind and so considerate to him.
And so we're going to start out with that spotlight first.
And so without further ado, I'm going to invite my friend, my student, Paul, to join
us.
All right.
So we have Paul here, and then I'm also going to add myself.
All right.
So you guys should see both of us spotlighted, me and Paul, right?
Okay.
So we're going to ask Paul questions.
I'm going to ask him some questions.
I'm going to be the interviewer, and then you will be able to ask him some questions
as well.
And then after we do our single spotlight for tonight, we are going to jump into Love
Seeds.
And so hi, Paul.
Thank you for being brave.
Thank you for your bravery.
It's not going to be as bad as you think.
So Paul, let's find out some basic information about you.
How old are you?
Where do you live?
Have you ever been married?
Do you have any kids?
Okay.
I'm 64.
I have three adult daughters, 40, 37, 36.
I've been divorced since 1992.
I have three kids.
And let's see, I've been a nurse since about 20 years, licensed practical nurse.
Live in the Cincinnati area, just north of Cincinnati, most of my life, except for four
years in San Antonio, which I love.
And what were you doing in San Antonio?
Were you in the military?
No.
I needed work.
And it got slim up here.
So I had a daughter live down there.
And so I live down there.
Awesome.
And winter's down there.
It's like spring is up here, so.
Yes.
It's beautiful down here in the wintertime.
Today was gorgeous, you guys, but we paid for it with four months of Hell's Front Porch.
So it's very hot in the summertime.
And while you guys have to stay inside during the winter, we stay inside during the summer.
Cincinnati is a great city.
In fact, I think that Cincinnati has one of the most beautiful skylines.
When you're coming from the Kentucky side and you're coming into Cincinnati, it's gorgeous,
right?
Yeah.
It is.
Okay.
So you said you have two adult daughters.
Did you say eight grandkids?
Three adult daughters and eight grandkids.
Wow.
Three adult daughters and eight grandkids.
And I'm sure that you love that.
Now, are all your daughters spread out?
Do they live near you?
Two are up here near me.
My youngest has four children, and then my oldest is in San Antonio with four, so.
Okay.
So eight grandkids.
And you've been divorced since 92.
Yeah.
That's a long time.
I've had maybe three serious relationships since then.
Okay.
I did not date a lot at first.
And then when I did start dating, it was fairly few and far between, so.
Well, you guys, I can tell you that Paul has been in our community for a little while now,
and he is definitely in the men's group.
He is, you know, someone that we love, and he's been kind of hiding out in these, you
know, he comes to a lot of sessions, and I was like, it's time to spotlight you, Paul.
I'm going to put the spotlight on you.
Okay.
So, a licensed practical nurse, that, it's amazing.
You know, I like it.
when men are nurses, some of the best nurses that I've ever had are men and just really kind,
compassionate people. What else do you do when you're not working? What do you do for fun,
for hobbies? Gosh, for hobbies? I work out pretty regularly. I mean, I don't know if I'd call that
a hobby. Now at 64, it's kind of a necessity. What's your go-to? Do you go to the gym? Is it
running? What kind of workouts do you do? I do planet fitness. Okay. Occasionally I'll do some
cardio there. But other than that, I hang out at Starbucks and read. What do you read? What's
the book you're reading currently? Two books. One is by Randy Clark. There's more. And the other is
by a guy named Peter Zion. It's geopolitics. Oh, okay. I'm interested in that type of stuff.
So you just hang out at your local Starbucks and you read. You're the guy that's reading
at Starbucks. Yeah, I just chill out, hang out with friends at church occasionally and
don't really have a lot of hobbies outside of that. I like being outdoors,
whether it's just walking, hiking. Okay. And do you have a spiritual community? You said that
besides going to church, do you like your church? What kind of church is it?
Started going there in about 1993, Vineyard Community Church for Vineyard Cincinnati.
I've been there for the exception of four years in San Antonio. I've been there about 30 years.
Oh, wow. That's your family there. Yeah. Yeah. I like a vineyard church. Vineyards are good
churches. I definitely like a good vineyard church. So ladies, I'm going to go ahead and
open the floor. I will ask the questions. If I don't ask your question, then it's because I
don't think, not that it's not appropriate, but I don't think that it's a question for the mass
audience. Okay. It's really important that we understand that some questions don't have yes
or no answers or they don't have small answers. They have larger conversations attached to them
and we don't have time to have a larger conversation. So we're just going to stick
to the basics. Stick to the facts, ladies. Okay. So other people talking about vineyard church and
going to vineyard churches, definitely. All right. What questions do you guys have for Paul?
Denomination. Vineyard is like a non-denominational church, Matty.
It's a little bit like Bethel. Yeah. It's a spirit filled, spirit led type of
denomination. You guys, here's a fun fact. The vineyard churches were actually planted by
the people that were saved during the Jesus people days in California. Most of the vineyards
ended up being pastored by the Jesus revolution people. So you can imagine that, you know,
on fire for God, discipleship and continuing in the teachings of the apostles. That's kind of
the background of vineyard. Holy spirit, of course, because the Jesus people movement was
definitely a charismatic movement. Yes. John Wimber, for sure. But the people, the Jesus
revolution people, a lot of them ended up as vineyard pastors. I read an article about that.
I thought it was phenomenal. Maybe you can Google it and look up that. All right.
Okay. Yes. Came out of Calvary Chapel. All right. So what questions do y'all have for John?
Once again, 30,000 foot kind of questions. We don't want to dig deep, deep, deep down into
anything that's going to require a larger conversation. How tall are you, Paul?
Uh, five, nine and one eighth of an inch. Five, nine and an eighth. You guys.
That eighth is important because five, nine is average. So I can literally say that.
He's got that eighth of an inch. He's got that eighth of an inch up there.
Yeah. I think that's important too, because I'm five, nine and three quarters of an inch.
And, you know, so I don't have to be five, 10. I don't want to be five, 10.
So I will say the same thing for the opposite reason to get shorter. All right. So, um,
let's see. I think that Paul's pretty much open to anyone who'd be open to him as far as age range.
Um, Paul, people are wanting to know what your age range is. He said he's 64. You can see that
he's not retired. He has refired. And remember friends, my advice always is that you're not
trying to match age. You're trying to match the life that's left in someone, the activity level
that's in someone, um, the desire for life that's in someone, not the number on a birth certificate.
Really important. Okay. Um, so Paul just told you that he goes, you know, he's still working,
works as a nurse and he goes to the gym regularly. So he's an active man, likes to be outdoors.
likes to read, likes to improve his mind, and so anyone who would be a good match
for him would be someone who is working on themselves physically, spiritually, and
mentally. Okay, that's important. All right, let's see, what else? What else do we
have? What immediate activities would you like to do with your spirit mate to get
to know her better? What kind of activities, Paul?
Did you hear that talk? Talk, yes. I think one of the best dates I ever went on, I
went with a woman years ago, and she liked antiques, and so we went to kind of
a historical town just north of me and walked around, and it was, it was really
nice in that we had things to talk about besides each other, and then things we
shared, you know, I'm interested in history too, so there's some mutual
interest there, so, and it was, you know, it was just easy going, low-key, went out,
you know, got dinner after that, but yeah, just talk and just share our different
hobbies and our interests. I love that. Went on an antiquing date, that's
something she was interested in, went to some small towns that have those antique
shops and got a chance to, you know, talk about different things as they were
doing that. I think that that's awesome. What dream still lives in your heart?
Like, is there something that you haven't accomplished in your life that
you still would like to accomplish, besides being married? As of lately, it's
one of those questions, like, if money were not an option, yeah, I would love to go
to school somewhere like, either Bethel in California, GSSM, or BSSM, I don't know
if you're familiar with that. Yes, it's BSSM. Yeah, I would, that would be something I
think I would like to do someday. Yeah, so if money wasn't an obstacle, if you
didn't have to work and you would just go out there to BSSM, they do have it
online, just so you know, and I heard that it's just as good, and so that might be a
consideration, but he would like to, so basically what you're saying is that you
would like to have a kind of a upgrade, spiritually speaking, like immerse
yourself into a spiritual environment like that. Yeah, I don't really feel
called to ministry, but just like you said, just to see God move more in other
people's lives, you know, I do a part of a prayer ministry at my church, and not
just at church, but just to go out into a public square, and how to be, learn to be
more naturally supernatural kind of thing. Yeah, no, that's a dream to improve in that area.
What's your, yeah, I agree, and learning how to, you know, be in the spirit or fall
after the spirit in everyday life is so important, and I really love that. Have
you traveled abroad, and if so, what was your favorite place, and if not, where
would you like to visit, and why? Okay, abroad, just two places, about 15 years
ago, I went to Mexico City on a short-term mission trip, is more of a
service trip, where we helped, I assisted a dentist, and he would do extractions
and fillings for kids out in the open, and did that, and I've done three trips
at last each, last three Octobers to Brazil. It was ministry with Global
Awakening, Rainey Clark, Bill Johnson, Catherine Rinella, we were sort of like
their prayer team for them. I did go to Brazil, but I got to meet the Brazilian
people, and it was really cool, so I, if I could go anywhere in the world, I think
it would be, besides Texas, I like Texas, probably, I think I would like try to go
to Mozambique sometime. Oh yeah, with Heidi? Yeah, mostly. Yeah, okay, that would be,
that would be really amazing. You love Texas, that just brings up a question, not
necessarily Texas, but would you be willing to relocate for love? It depends,
probably not, but I mean, I, I don't want to say never, because I never thought I'd
end up in Texas when I did, so, you know, it's, I'm really looking for someone
locally within like two, three hours of me, because I like to meet in person, I
mean, I don't mind doing the Zoom calls and stuff like that, but for me, after a
call or two, I want to meet in person to see you. And that's definitely my, that's
definitely my advice, you know, we want to meet in person as soon as we can, and so
if work schedules or finances do not permit for that to happen, you guys, it's
very difficult to get to
know someone long distance, if you don't have a job
or finances in which you can travel
and go and see that person.
And so it's not unreasonable that you would want
to meet someone that is closer in proximity to you
for those reasons if you don't have that.
So you're 64 years old and you've worked as a nurse
for 20 years, do you plan on retiring from nursing?
And if so, when?
I would love to retire now, but financially
I'm looking at like 72, but anything could happen.
Sure.
Yeah, because right now what you're doing
is you're forecasting your future based on just you
and based on just your income
and based on what you are able to do.
But remember if you get married,
that's a whole nother person.
And all the things that they've prepared
and all the things that they've saved as well.
So all of you are single in here
and all of you that are still working
that are over the age of 55, raise your hand.
And I'm assuming that you're working
for the same reasons as Paul is,
because when there's just one person
and just one retirement and you have plans for retirement,
you wanna do certain things,
you wanna have the income to do those.
Over 55, still working, let's see your hands.
Come on, get them up, get them up, get them up, get them up.
Get them up.
All right, and let's ask.
I don't ever think I wanna stop working, I'm just-
Yeah, just working on something else.
Yeah, don't retire, refire, that's what I say.
You don't retire, you refire.
Now, keep your hands up.
I wanna see all the hands of everyone who is over 55, period.
I wanna see the hands of everyone over 55.
Put your hands up.
Let's see how many folks we have in here just on this call.
It looks like we have about 25.
All right, and then keep your hands up.
Now, I wanna see everyone's hands who's over 50.
So you're not over 55, but you're over 50.
Let's see those hands.
Get those hands up.
If you're 50 and up, I'm be joining your club here
in just two months, less than two months.
Get them up, get them up, get them up, okay?
All right, we'll keep going, 45 and up.
Raise your hand.
Raise your hand if you're 45 and up.
Actually, your avatar hand, don't just raise your hand,
hand, raise your little yellow hand so we can see it.
Some of you have gone so far
as to make it your own skin tone.
Good for you.
Okay, and then over 40 and up.
You're 40 or older.
Let's see it.
Let's see your hands.
40 or older.
Okay, now I want everyone to put their hand down
and I'm gonna help you out with that.
I'm gonna lower all the hands.
I put them all down.
Now, I want you to put your hand,
oh, you guys are still raising your hands, okay?
No one raise your hands anymore.
I'm gonna put all your hands down.
Now, I want you to raise your hand
and I want you to put your hand down.
I'm gonna put your hand down.
I'm gonna put all your hands down.
Now, I want you to raise your hand if you are 40 and under.
Let's see those hands, just out of curiosity.
40 and under, let's see your hands.
Oh, I see some guys here that I haven't seen
in a while or ever on here.
See Scott's with us tonight.
Brian and Andy, Daniel, okay.
That's millennial guys in the house.
All right.
Okay.
All right, just wanted to kind of take
a little bit of a survey.
There's 129 of us on here.
I wanna see, it's pretty much,
it's close to being an even split of under 40 and over 40.
So that's good.
All right, does anyone else have any questions for Paul?
So to recap, if you're just joining us, Paul is 64.
He has been divorced since 92.
He has three adult daughters, eight grandchildren.
He lives in Cincinnati and has, for most of his life,
lived in that area except for when he lived in Texas
and San Antonio for a few years.
He loves Texas, by the way, ladies.
So even though he says
that he wouldn't necessarily relocate,
he also said he wouldn't count it out.
So I know that God has a way of doing what he does.
He is a licensed practical nurse
and he has been doing that for 20 plus years, okay.
He is five, nine, and one eighth, don't you forget it.
Okay, and he likes to read.
He likes to learn.
He likes to spiritually improve, mentally improve,
physically improve, goes to the gym regularly,
likes the outdoors.
and would love to meet a lady who's within three to four hours of driving distance from Cincinnati.
So who does that include? That includes Indiana, that includes Kentucky, that includes Columbus,
almost includes Cleveland, that includes West Virginia. There's a lot of different places
and different areas there. And so if that is you and you would like to meet Paul,
please email us at admin at JackieDorman.com and put Paul in the subject line, okay? Make sure that
you include a couple recent pictures of yourself in a short bio and or the ability for us to look
at your spirit mate match profile, okay? It's easier for us though if you just give us a bio
and a couple of pics, that way we don't have to go look at your spirit mate match profile.
And if we think based on that, that you're matched, then we will also go look at your
spirit mate match profile. Sound good? Well, Paul, thank you so much for jumping in last minute.
You are a silver fox, my friend. And there's a lot of amazing ladies in here that have been
begging me to have a guy over 50 on the spotlight. And so there you go, ladies. There's Paul. All
right. All right. So let's have some fun with love seats. We have about 30, 40 minutes left
for tonight for love seats. So we're going to have some fun. Let me see if I can.
All right. All right. I've removed all the spotlight. So now you guys should see the
whole gallery. Everybody see everybody again? Okay, good. All right. So let's go. Let's jump
into... Also, I want to do a little housekeeping. I'm about to put out a whole lot of male spotlights.
Ladies, I know you're like, what are you going to spotlight ladies? I am going to spotlight ladies
to my men email list, my men's email list, and my men's thousand person group. Okay. My men's
Facebook page that has a thousand plus men in it. I'm going to put up a post in level three,
and I'm going to tag it to the featured section. And it is going to say, if you do not want to
be spotlighted on social media, in my men's private group, please comment. So if you do not
want to be spotlighted, which means we won't share your pictures, we won't share your bio.
Once again, we never share names. So people always come through us to get to you. Okay.
They always come through us to get to you. Now, does that mean that someone's not going to take
your picture and put it in a reverse lookup system on Facebook and try to find you themselves? Maybe,
but you don't have to approve their friend request on Facebook if you don't want to.
We're all grownups here. You don't got to talk to anyone that you don't want to talk to. But I will
tell you, as far as it's in our control, men and women, we like to vet people out before we
release them into the wild. Okay. And so we will be doing that. If you do not want to be
shared for whatever reason in that group, or even on my public social media as a spotlight,
then you're going to need to tell us that. Okay. And so we're going to put up that post. Please
be looking for that post. We're going to put that post up. And actually, I think we're going to do
it the opposite way. We're going to say, if you want to be spotlighted, then post. Because the
opposite way I don't think is going to work. We're going to do it the other way. Okay. So
I say that to say this, I'm going to put out a lot of men spotlights that are either my students
or my personal clients on my Instagram because of my podcast that's coming. I'm going to be putting
out a lot more content. I want to let you know that even though I'm posting these men publicly,
first dibs will always be given to students and clients. Okay. I'm going to repeat that.
First dibs on any and all spotlights will always be given to students and clients. People in the
community will be given first dibs on meeting anyone. Okay. Because that's only fair. And so
that is the way it will be. So regardless of whether I do a spirit mate match live on my
podcast or whatever happens, just know that whoever that person is, if you are a student
or you're in the community and we'll give you information on how to contact us about that person,
we will give the people that are in our community first dibs. Okay. If you can call dibs on a
person. Okay. It will only be after we exhaust our community resources and there's not really
a good match for that person within our community that we will entertain possible outside matches.
Cool. Good.
Okay, so be looking for that.
Gentlemen, same goes for you.
We'll be putting a post up in your group on your app.
It'll just say, hey, if you're willing to be spotlighted
to the greater public or to our bigger women's pages,
like our women's phase three page,
then post in the comments.
And I think most of the men are like,
yes, we volunteer as tribute.
The men are like, Jackie, when are you gonna match us?
They're like biting at the bit.
They're ready to go.
Okay, so we are ready.
That's all the housekeeping I have for you.
We have a lot of really fun spirit mate match
kind of Christmas stuff going on for December.
So please, when the calendar gets released next week,
mark those dates on your calendar
so that you can make sure that you're live with us
on those fun activity days.
Okay.
All right, let's see what we got here.
Who has questions for love seeds?
Who has questions?
If you wanna jump in the love seat,
please raise your hand.
Rhonda, is your hand up for the love seat?
Okay, go ahead, Rhonda, unmute yourself.
And in 120 seconds or less,
tell me the background of your question.
Okay.
Can you hear me?
Am I unmuted?
I can hear you.
Okay, good.
So my question was when I was watching you do a live,
I don't know if it was yesterday or the day before,
and it really, something that you said
really, really resonated.
And I had never, and I grew up in church,
so I had never come across this thought or this thing.
So you said, if somebody doesn't agree
or if somebody doesn't believe that your story
is gonna end in marriage or is gonna end in,
then don't ask them to pray for you.
So, okay.
So my question is, how do we know?
How do we know?
I mean, I always thought the prayer
was always gonna be always the answer.
Like, pray for me, just pray for me about this,
or pray for me about this and all of my friends.
But how do we know if somebody's not really
in agreement with us on that?
Well, first of all, you guys,
you have to be really careful,
and this doesn't just go for marriage.
You have to be really careful who you approach
and ask to come into agreement with you
or pray for your dreams, just in general.
People are people, and they have their own junk.
They do.
And not everyone has faith for certain things.
Like, for instance, you could come to someone
because you're sick in your body
and you're having issues with your health,
and you can just come up to someone that you like at church
and be like, hey, could you pray for me?
Come into agreement with me that I would be healed.
And perhaps their parent passed away of that disease
or their child or something
where they don't have a lot of faith for that.
Just because people are married
doesn't mean that they have a lot of faith
for you to be married.
You know, some people are not happily married.
Maybe secretly inside of their heart,
they're wondering why you wouldn't
just enjoy your single life.
You know, there's a lot of different things going on there,
and so if you wanna hear more about praying
and praying in faith and praying in agreement,
come to Faith Friday tomorrow,
because David's not only gonna allow you guys
to ask for prayer about breakthrough that you need,
but he's also going to allow whoever has faith
for that breakthrough and believes for that breakthrough,
because maybe they've seen that kind of breakthrough
many times in the past to come into agreement,
the prayer of agreement,
because it's not about what God can do,
it's about what we believe he can do.
And you guys, I don't know if you've noticed,
but I have faith for you to be married.
And that is why I do what I do,
and that's why we have so much radical breakthrough,
because I have supernatural faith in this area,
and faith is what brings miracles.
So you guys, do not be discouraged
when you go to ask someone to pray for you,
and they start saying something that's discouraging.
Instead of just sitting there and being like,
oh, and coming into agreement with their discouragement,
you can just stop and say, hey, you know what?
I'm sorry, I should have asked you first,
hey, do you have faith for me to be married?
That's what you should ask someone
instead of praying for them,
instead of asking them to pray for you.
You should say, hey, do you have faith for me to be healed?
Hey, do you have faith for me
to have a financial breakthrough?
Hey, do you have faith for me to be married?
Because if they say, yes, I believe that,
then say, then agree with me and let's pray together
because I need this breakthrough.
That's what you should do.
Okay, thank you so much.
You're welcome.
It's a good subject.
And tomorrow on Faith Friday, you guys,
my husband has the gift of faith.
Do you know that there's a gift of faith?
And my husband actually has the ministry of faith.
He has the gift of faith, which is sometimes annoying,
I gotta be honest,
because I can't even like sort of complain to him
about anything because he has the gift of faith.
And then he'll just be like,
well, let's come into agreement for breakthrough.
And then he'll start quoting a scripture
about that thing that I'm complaining about.
I'm like, blah, stop it.
Okay.
So, um, but he does have the gift of faith and you knew who else has it?
His mother.
So it's kind of like the book of Timothy, where Paul says to Timothy, you have this
gift that was in your mother and in your grandmother.
And so my husband has this gift that was in his mother and you know, who else has
it?
Our son has it.
So my son, Jaron also has the gift of faith.
So it's beautiful, but I have faith, radical supernatural faith for you to meet
your spirit mate.
All right.
And I have a lot of faith for, um, healed relationships and healed families.
Um, why?
Because I've seen it.
So I've experiential faith.
I've seen it way too many times.
So you can't show up and tell me that it can't happen because I've already seen it
happen hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times.
And so my faith is based on experience with God and my husband's faith in those
areas is based on a gift.
So there's some difference there.
So somebody has seen whatever it is that you need breakthrough in.
Someone has seen it happen and God will put you in proximity to that person so
they can come into agreement with you.
Okay.
Sound good.
Thank you, Rhonda.
All right, Margaret, you're up.
Hey, so my question is in regards to, um, I, I'm, uh, I started talking with
someone, uh, and I just came about that.
He doesn't agree with, um, theological, but he was willing to just like shelf it
and say, you know, I don't, it's not a deal breaker kind of thing.
How, like, what do you do when?
Okay.
So Margaret, I just have to ask you, what is it that he doesn't agree with?
Like no sex before that I'm charismatic, that I believe in the prophetic he's
like, um, he's old school traditional.
Okay.
Well, first of all, friends and the, all of you came through phase two.
So all of you should have gotten this answer from the curriculum in phase two.
You might've missed it, but people don't have to come from the same
denominational background as you.
They just have to be open to allowing you to express your spirituality.
However you want to express it.
Yeah.
And I, I'm in agreement with that, but what do I do when I want to be
passionate and excited and like, and engage together with that person?
So I guess that's my only thing.
Well, I guess that's not your person then, because if you don't have grace for them
to possibly grow into those things, if you want someone who's already there,
like exactly like rolling in the gold dust and speaking in tongues and, you
know, going out and praying for people's legs to grow out or whatever your thing
is, if that's what you want, then you, you should probably, you know, marry that.
Like if that, if you're not going to, if you're not going to be able to deal with
anyone less than like a lesser than whatever gift set, I personally believe
that fruit inspecting is better than gift inspecting.
I would rather have someone who has relationship with Jesus has the fruit of
the spirit than someone who is charismatically my twin.
I agree.
And I thank you for that.
Thank you.
That was a really good insight.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Susan, you're up and you guys, just so you don't, just in case you don't know
what the fruit of the spirit is, it's love and joy and peace and patience.
Go read Galatians, go take a look at it.
All right, go ahead, Susan.
Hey Jackie.
Um, by the way, your hair looks fire today.
Oh my gosh.
I got to tell you guys about this.
First of all, I got approved to be an Amazon influencer.
If you guys don't know what that is.
And it's so fun for me.
Cause remember how I used to do all the videos of Jackie's favorite things?
Like I've been doing that all my life, like sharing my favorite stuff and my
friend group, I'm known as the Guinea pig that will try the stuff
and then tell people about it.
And you guys, this is the Dyson dupe air wrap situation.
You can get them anywhere from $59 to $129 and I'll put them
on my Amazon store for you.
But look at this volume from this and it doesn't damage your hair.
It curls your hair with air.
I'm going to tell you all about it.
A lot of people can't afford the Dyson.
That's 600 buckaroonies, but these dupes, these ones that are like the
fakes of it made in China, I'm sure.
But I'm sure the Dyson is as well.
Um, they work really well.
So my Amazon storefront is going to be going up this weekend.
And so go check out my face.
Cause you guys know that I'm not going to put anything up there.
That's not amazing.
So go check it out.
If you want to tell people what to buy you for Christmas.
Okay.
All right.
Thank you, Susan, for, for saying that about my hair.
What's your question?
Um, I'm also stoked about your Amazon store because when you did my favorite
things, like last year or two years ago, I literally worked on transcribing
your whole thing all day long.
I'm not kidding.
And I went out and I bought like three quarters of everything you listed, but
it took all freaking day to like listen to the video and write everything.
and so I'm stoked.
You guys, thank you so much.
I love that.
And for all of you menopause ladies,
I'm gonna have a bunch of stuff on there.
Guys, plug your ears,
but there's gonna be so many things.
Okay.
I couldn't find your bra thing too,
but that's another,
well, we'll talk another time.
I will pin that there.
I will pin that.
Gentlemen, la, la, la, la.
Okay.
Oh, whatever.
They're grownups.
So my question-
That's a weird thing though.
That's a weird,
that thing specifically is weird.
I know, yeah.
Every time I pack it in my suitcase
and I get tagged by TSA for them to open it,
it literally looks like S&M stuff.
All right, keep going.
It does.
It looks like a contraption.
It looks like-
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, okay.
So I met this guy on Hinge
and we chatted on the phone,
hit it off.
He kind of checked all the boxes superficially,
not gonna get into everything,
but on our first conversation,
I noticed that he shared a lot,
very deep and personal things.
And me, that's not a good thing for me.
I don't like going deep too fast.
It triggers me.
It makes me like run in the opposite direction.
And frankly, I don't think it's very healthy.
So when I felt I could interrupt,
I said, hey, could we just press the pause on this
and maybe revisit this conversation
when we meet face-to-face,
when we get to know each other better?
And he came back with a reply that I found interesting
and was like, I just don't want you to come at me
at a later date because I've withheld information from you.
And that, I kind of put that on the back burner.
So I guess what is your feelings on oversharing
and how do we negotiate that?
And what does that look like?
So first of all, everybody,
depending on what they're oversharing, it's a yellow flag.
It's not a red flag
because some people's personalities are just deep.
They have a hard time with small talk.
They have a hard time with chitchat.
They just don't know how to be a surface level person, okay?
My son's girlfriend is like that.
She goes deep and she goes deep fast
and you're like, whoa.
But it's her personality.
She's not an unhealthy person.
It's her personality.
And so it's not just about going deep.
It's about what they're sharing when they're going deep.
A lot of people feel like,
and it sounds like this guy is one of them,
that they have to sort of put all their cards on the table
because they don't want you to feel like they deceived you,
especially if they have been divorced
and their former spouse has issues
and they feel like they have to basically air
all of their semi-dirty laundry
in order for them to feel like
they are not leading you forward into something
that after you find that out in three or four dates,
you're gonna be like, ugh.
So they're putting their worst foot forward
instead of their best foot
in order to give you an opportunity to run away
if you want to.
Okay.
The stuff that he shared, was it?
It was intense.
It was about his ex-wife and her sexual addictions.
And it was too much, too fast.
And you know what?
I gave him grace,
but as we continued to get to know each other,
that aspect of him kept coming up,
being threaded through all of our conversations.
And it just kind of weighed heavy on my heart after a while.
And there were other things.
I ended up cutting it off.
The Holy Spirit gave me a couple of words about that.
Yeah.
So I just wanted to know,
how do you navigate that kind of stuff?
Yeah.
So you're saying that you're not talking to him anymore?
I'm not.
Okay.
Yeah.
And here's the other thing is that
when someone starts talking about their own addictions
or specifically sexual addictions or someone else's,
sometimes, not always,
but sometimes that's just a fishing expedition
to see how much sexual conversation can be had.
And not always, but more times than I'd like to count.
And so it's also important that we are aware of that
and we're not naive that when someone breaks open the can
of that type of conversation, that anything might come out.
And so we have to really be careful with that.
Okay.
So it sounds like.
You're God defended and that Holy Spirit showed you what you needed to do.
But you guys, this is one of those situations where we can't make a hard, fast rule about
it because once again, like my son's girlfriend, some people are just deep people that want
to talk about deep things and they don't know how to be surface.
Some people, they're just nervous.
I will tell you that I've even seen people that they're divorced and they're really ashamed
of being divorced because they've been told all their lives that they're not supposed
to get divorced and so now they're talking about their divorce and they're talking about
their former spouse and they're talking about what happened because they still feel guilty
or ashamed of it because they have a religious consciousness about it.
I've seen that happen to you.
Those are not bad people.
Those are people that are trying to process this because now they're out in the dating
world again that they never thought they'd be back out here and they have this, what
they consider, you know, nasty baggage with them of being divorced.
And so there's all different types of things happening.
Feel that?
So you have to be discerning, you guys, and hopefully we're teaching you guys how to be
discerning.
The only time that we're not discerning is when we have our own filters and blind spots,
our own fear-based thinking that's causing us to see what's not there, okay, whether
good or bad.
And so we want to make sure that we continue to clean off the heart lens so that we can
meet people where they are and we're not going to judge them, but we're going to discern
what's really happening.
And sometimes it will be a deal breaker and sometimes it won't because we can see that
they have a good heart.
They're just in a transition or they're just an oversharer.
It doesn't make them a horrible person, okay?
It's important that we don't try to put people in, it's either all in or all out.
There's different degrees of things and it might work for you.
And so it's important to continue to get to know someone unless it's a hard pass for some
reason.
And for Susan, it was a yes until it became a no and it became a no and now she's moved
on.
It was also the Halloween onesie that he wore for trick-or-treaters that kind of pushed
me over the edge a little bit, but-
Wait, wait, wait, what?
Yeah.
He likes to dress up for his trick-or-treaters and had this little onesie costume and I was
just-
When you say a onesie costume, like, okay, it's like a footed pajamas costume?
Yes.
Well, what was it of though?
It was of that Disney character, like from Toy Story, Woody with the hat and the little
holster gun thing and-
Aw.
I don't know.
Too cheesy for you?
Yeah.
Don't do that.
Yeah.
No.
If you're a cultured woman, you know, you're a cultured woman.
You're a sophisticated woman and you want a sophisticated, cultured man.
The Woody thing is cute.
No.
It's cute.
A lot of people would like that.
A lot of people would be like, oh, he's fun, but for you, it's like, it's an ick.
You got an ick from it.
Yeah.
I did.
Yeah.
There was a few, a few dozen icks.
I tried.
I went with it.
I walked through it.
But thanks to you-
It wasn't just one ick.
It was a few dozen.
It was a few dozen icks, but I knew I was God defended thanks to you.
So thanks, Jackie.
Yes.
Miss you and hope to see you soon.
Yes.
I will be out in your area in a few weeks.
And so hopefully I'll have some spare time and post in the group so you guys can find
me.
Where's Waldo?
We'll see.
Okay.
So Susan, Julie, Julie K., what do you got for me?
Guys, everybody's different.
I want, I want you to, I want you to put in the chat a thumbs up if you would have thought
that the, all the other stuff aside, but just the Woody onesie, that that would have been
funny or fun to you.
Put a thumbs up in the chat if you would have thought that was cute or funny, just that,
not all the other stuff.
Because remember, she didn't just make a decision based on that.
That was like the final ick that broke the, the icky Campbell's back.
All right.
All you have to do is put a thumbs up.
You don't have to put anything else.
We don't care about your throw up that we just thumbs up.
If yes, that's all.
That's all.
Okay.
All right.
So I was just, I'm just trying to emphasize different strokes for different folks.
That's all.
Okay.
Julie Kay, unmute yourself.
Ask your question.
Are you having trouble on muting yourself?
Cause you're not unmuted.
Okay.
Hi.
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.
Okay.
Hi.
dating for almost six months. I, I'm just, I'm a little bit, I
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.
Okay.
Hi.
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.
Okay.
Hi.
don't know, confused about the relationship. Like, I try to
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.
Okay.
Hi.
talk to him about it. I asked him where we were, like, where
Hi.
we were, and he was, and he just turns the question back on me,
well, how do you feel about things? And I'm like, well, I
feel I feel good about things in general, but I'm still like,
not. Julie, Julie, you're not there. We can't hear you. Oh,
can you hear me now?
Can you guys hear her? I can hear. Yes, we can hear. Yes, I
can. Oh, it's mine. It's me. Hold on. Hold on. Thumbs up.
Let me turn off my camera. See if that helps. Okay, can you
hear me? I can hear you now. I just had to turn my camera off.
All right, go ahead. Oh, okay. All right. So I was just saying
like, I, we've been dating for six months, and I try to get
clarity about where we are. But then he'll turn it back to me
like, well, where do you think that we are? And I'm like, and
I'll say something like I, I'm happy, generally happy with
things, but I'm not like, 100% sure about, like about us. But I
mean, things are going well. And we're exclusive. And we've
established that. And I think I would want him to ask me to be
his girlfriend. But I don't I don't want to ask for that.
Should I ask for that? Okay, so here's the thing. The thing is,
is that if you're exclusive, how did you become exclusive?
Because exclusive means boyfriend and girlfriend?
Yeah. Um, it was a series of conversations, but they were
kind of vague, in my opinion, like, um, and he asked me, he
told me he was off of the apps, and then asked if I was off of
the apps. And I said, I wasn't talking to anyone else. So yeah,
that that's that.
Okay. And so how many months? How long ago was that
conversation? How long have you been exclusive for?
Uh, probably about two months.
Okay. So here's the thing. This man thinks you're his
girlfriend. Okay. He's not asking you to be his girlfriend
because he thinks you are his girlfriend. Okay. And so all of
this, like super defining, confirming certainty type of
conversations. A lot of men don't know that they're supposed
to do that. Okay. So I guarantee you, I can't tell you how many
women I've had this conversation with. I'm like, hey, you're
waiting for him to ask you to be his girlfriend, but he thinks
you already are. Okay. And so because of that, I mean, are you
guys are you guys kissing?
Uh, that that's another thing. There's been a few kisses, like
just brief kisses, like when we leave a date, just like a small
kiss. The last time I saw him, I told him that I he was, he was
saying that I should tell him if there's anything bothering me.
And I said, Well, I feel like there's a lack of physical
affection. And I, like, that's kind of how I feel loved a lot
of the time. And I'm like, I'm just asking for just like little
touches and stuff. And he was like, Oh, okay. And he like,
corrected it immediately. After that. Not correct. Yeah, he was
responsive. So that's good. So what exactly is the question
here? Because it sounds like this guy is, you know, trying to
navigate this, he's trying to give you what you want. He's
being, you know, he's asking you, how do you feel? What do
you want? You know, what can I do better? Those are all really
positive things. So if you want more, ask for more.
Okay. Okay. Yeah. Um, I think I'm just, I think I overthink
things in general. And I'm just like, is this the right
relationship for me? I'm wanting him to, I'm wanting him to like
lead more than he does. But I don't know if it's his in his
personality. But you're, but you're, listen, but you're,
you're only six months into a relationship. And you've only
two months into exclusivity in the relationship. Don't you
think it's a little too early to judge his leadership?
We maybe? Yeah. I mean, yeah. So when you say lead more, like
what plan dates, you know, initiate contact physically,
like, what are you talking about?
Yeah, both of those things. He does plan dates, he waits, he
waits.
It's until like, I don't know, a weekend date.
He'll wait until Thursday to plan, which isn't too bad.
I mean, I'm more of a planner, but, um, uh, this is what's called
complimentary opposites.
There's always a person in the relationship.
That's more organized plans ahead.
The other person's more spontaneous.
Um, that's good.
That's a good mix.
And so really what I'm hearing in my heart for you, Julie, is that you need to,
instead of sitting around and waiting for him to just luck upon doing the right
thing, that's going to make you happy.
You need to, without nagging, you need to be able to communicate to him what it is
that you need and want in relationship.
And I agree with you.
You are overthinking this.
And I want to tell you people that overthink in relationship, especially
new relationship, we call them anxious attachers.
Okay.
So I see, I see a little anxious attachment coming out in you.
Yeah.
Like, is he the right person?
Well, first of all, you don't know him well enough to know whether or
not you would marry him.
Um, but he does sound teachable.
Okay.
He sounds like he's open hearted.
It sounds like he wants to please you.
These are all green flags.
Yeah.
He also is respect.
He's trying to respect boundaries.
You're like, touch me more.
And he's like, I'm trying to be a gentleman, you know?
Um, you're just like, no, no, no.
Touch me, touch me more.
Okay.
So be specific with that.
Yeah.
Um, so yeah, so love languages are different.
And so I think it'd be fun for you guys to kind of talk about that.
Maybe take a love language quiz, you know, like what do you guys do on your dates?
Um, go out to eat, talk, hike, take his dog for walks.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it'd be fun to like, you know, do a little, do a little personality
test or do a little love language test.
And it can kind of open the door to have some more of these
awkward conversations in a fun way.
Okay.
All right.
Try that and report back.
Okay.
All right.
You're welcome.
All right, Brian, you're up.
Okay.
Go after him or no.
Yeah.
You're who's who's it's me.
Okay.
Hunter.
Yes.
Quickly.
What is your question?
Uh, actually you let him go.
I, I, mine's going to be a little bro.
It's going to talk about how I went with this woman and I X, I wanted to ask you
quite, I'm going to sell a whole story and then I'll ask you how I have to have
the question be really short because we only have 40, we only have 20 more
minutes or not 20, we have 15 more minutes and so quick backstory.
And then what's the question.
All right.
So what happens is I develop a social understanding.
I had a female coworker that I met at work.
At first it was a level one relationship.
She was physically attractive.
Also, and short dark air.
I did something that made my relationship go deeper.
I used to go to girls and ask questions about whether they're
not getting a reply in return.
I could wallow in self-pity, but I didn't.
Instead, I thought of looking at it from what they would feel.
What I do is go to her and interact in a way that'll make them feel like
they're special and ask myself, do I want this to happen for me before work?
Me, I would chat with her as a means of connecting to know her as a person,
like intimacy and real, the best version of me after every morning, she would
have, we'd wave good morning layer.
Our company was going on a good field trip, good night field trip to Jersey.
And we were asked on a bus and decide to be one is been self hoping
insurance should be on the bus.
Just sit back and wait to see if she'll go.
I was anticipating what she would do and read the situation.
She'd come on the same bus and across from me on the way there was, we were
chatting and the bus driver said, be quiet when we got off, she called
the bus driver names.
I told her I disagree.
She's just trying to do a job and it needs to focus.
I told her I have on my mind, I'm sticking to my own company and she plays.
I like the way you think.
I think to summarize, she found me more attractive, maybe physically or mentally.
So I said half the time, the event with her on the bus back, we chose a different
bus and got on the same bus, me being with younger men, I'm 10 years her senior.
She went to sit next to me.
I was attracted also to the fact that she's wearing good apparel, like a
black underarm T shirt and jeans.
My struggle to overcome on the way back was to get physical.
I didn't get physical for multiple reasons before the situation was the
reason first was because I always relied on because she would scream and feel
uncomfortable and get turned off and would lead to severe social repercussions of her.
Okay.
Hunter, I appreciate that you wrote this out, but what is the question?
I think I get the gist of what's going on here.
What's your question?
Did I, did I execute the whole thing?
Right.
The whole trip and everything.
Right.
Well, I mean, I think that you've grown a lot, Hunter.
I really do as from being in the program and just taking advice.
And I think that you're definitely on the right track, going the right direction.
Um, my concern is, is that, you know, some of the girls that maybe you're talking
to are a little bit too immature still sounds like this girl's pretty.
immature. She is 10 years younger than you. I do think that it's good that, you know,
you're not getting physical with someone that you work with, first of all. Don't think that's
a good idea at all. Okay? Another thing, I developed three other reasons. One is to get
physical, that's the wrong right approach. The wrong is because you get turned on because of
lust and can't resolve. Right is when you want her to feel want and respect. Get physical when
you're excluding this intimacy and she wants. Six, I was able to read her body language and
social cues and didn't give it off. Later she asked, what's on your mind? I asked her about
physical. Well, at first she was a fan, so I helped to escape. I explained that I came to
see with a woman while I was young. I was immature and I sat next to her and basically told her I
got older and mature and I able to it and saying, see next to a woman is a social privilege. So I
got to maintain. Okay. Well, like I said, I think that you are definitely growing.
Um, it sounds like there's some neurodivergence with this girl as well with, you know, just the
bus driver incident and all the things. And so, um, I really want to encourage you to continue
to allow the people that you do life with in person to weigh in on these situations because
they see you in action more than we do. Um, but, um, it sounds like you had self-control and I
think that that's a good thing. And so, um, if there's no, if there's no human resources report
about you after this incident, then I think you're doing good. And, um, and, uh, you know,
hopefully I don't, I don't, I don't know what your rules are at your work, but usually you're
not allowed to fraternize with other employees. So, well, I just know that if I got physical
work and social repercussions are going to happen, that's what kept me all these years,
but I just had three because of ways to reinforce it against all the more reason to not to. And so
my way of looking for a wife, I think there's an appropriate and not appropriately. I try to
execute the appropriate way that I am. Yes. And thank you, Hunter. Yes, that's all good. Thank
you. I agree with you. Definitely good. And on the right track and going forward. Okay. We just
have a few more minutes. So let's just take a couple more real quick. You guys got to be really
fast. Um, Brian, you were up next. I think that we'll take a couple of guys because there were
guys waiting. We'll take Brian. We'll take George. I think he was waiting. Go ahead, Brian. Okay. Um,
hi, how's it going? It's going good. So, uh, something that has come up, I've been on some
dates and just like just talking to different, different girls trying to get to know, get to
know people and see where it goes as a man, where do I draw this line between being accommodating
and then losing myself? Like as far as like personality things or does that question make
sense? Um, yeah, it really, it does make sense, especially for nice guys. Um, and, and good girls.
So, you know, how far do we go in the relationship of kind of doing and being what the other person
wants us to do and be without like being untrue to who we are. Sure. Right. And I think that at
the very beginning, everyone's sort of putting their foot, their best foot forward and just,
you know, um, just being very, like you said, accommodating and really preferring the other
person. I think it's a little bit further in relationship where we start to exercise some
more of our own wants and desires. Sure. Yeah. Okay. No, that, yeah, that, that makes sense.
I'm just trying to find this balance between like, okay, this girl might have a preference of this
kind of guy, but I'm not a hundred percent that kind of guy. So I don't really want to like act
outside of myself and who I am as a person. I just want to be myself. I like myself. I want to be
myself a hundred percent of the time. So what I'm trying to figure out is okay. Like what are the
things, I guess, what are the things that can be negotiable? Let's give some examples so people
know. So for instance, say someone invites you on a date ladies, and they want to take you to a
soccer game. Well, you don't particularly like soccer, but you like them. And so you go to the
soccer game. Now that's not saying that you're a soccer girl now. It's just saying that you want
to hang out with them and you want to do things that they like to do too. But the trade-off would
be that now they do something that maybe they don't regularly choose to do or like to do that
you like to do. So these are important trade-offs in marriage. On our anniversary the other day,
I went with my husband to the golf course and I watched him hit golf balls because
he likes to show off for me. And I don't really like to go to the golfing range,
but I did it because he likes it. And he likes for me to watch him liking it.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So, but you guys never, never fake like,
you know, don't, don't, don't be a fake. Be yourself, like yourself the way Brian likes
himself. Be Brian. Okay. In the way of that.
Because if you're like pretending to love something
because you wanna win someone over,
that's not true, that's not real, don't do that.
It's better for you to just be like,
hey, you know, I'm not really into that,
but sure, I'd love to go with you.
Be honest about what you like and what you don't like
and who you are and who you're not.
Someone put in the chat, I think it was Steph K,
who said, girlfriend, boyfriend
doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity.
I don't know in what world it doesn't.
So if you feel like you have to have
a more defining conversation with someone
that you're dating that has made you
their boyfriend or girlfriend,
that they don't have other boyfriends and girlfriends,
then go ahead and have that conversation.
But once again, that's odd.
And I don't think that that person
is showing good moral value because in every world,
in every culture, a boyfriend and a girlfriend
is an exclusive relationship, okay?
It's an exclusive relationship.
Dating is not, but boyfriend, girlfriend is.
So let's make sure if you feel like
you have to define that with them,
that you're also asking them why
that would need to be defined even more than that, okay?
I think that George was up.
George, go ahead.
Hi, can you hear me?
Yes.
Hi, thank you.
I was divorced about two and a half years ago
and recently just got out of a relationship
and so since my divorce, I've not really dated.
I've had one girlfriend, but have gone on a couple of dates
and I believe I've read somewhere, Jack,
where you've talked about,
like if you get back out there at some point in time,
just get back into the, I guess,
quote unquote dating scene, if you will,
that about maybe going on dates
with more than one person, I believe.
I think you've talked about maybe going on
like maybe two or three dates
and can you explain a little bit more about that?
Because to me, if I'm talking to more than,
let's just say the down the road,
I do this and I talk to, you know, start talking.
I can't, it's like I have a hard time thinking
that I could talk to two women at the same time
because to me, I feel like I'd be cheating.
Yes.
Like what is she talking about?
So the fact that you just got out
of a long-term relationship, just right out of one,
I would definitely give you the advice
that you should be healing and not dating right now.
There isn't any, there's no scenario
in which we are with someone for a length of time
and then for whatever reason we break up,
that there isn't stuff that we need to unpack with that.
And then secondly, raise your hand if,
because there's a lot of us that are over 40 here
and I feel like we all come from a generation
where, you know, you're just,
you're not dating, you're in relationships.
So you're a relationship,
you just jumped from relationship to relationship.
And the problem with that
is you don't ever really get to know yourself, okay?
You don't get to know yourself.
Dating allows you to get to know yourself and others.
Say it with me.
We get to get to know ourselves and others.
Just like what I was just saying to Brian,
we get to know what we like and what we don't like,
who we are and who we're not,
what we want and what we don't want in dating.
If you just pick someone
and then you try to make a relationship
out of that connection,
then you're going to be in that,
you're going to be trying to make that work,
you're going to be changing yourself
to try to make that work.
And the same with them,
just trying to figure out how to make that puzzle piece fit
because you're in a relationship now.
Instead of allowing yourself to, you know,
see what else is out there
that maybe be a better fit,
that you don't have to maybe work as hard
or work at like a job in order to make it,
you know, to make it work.
Does that make sense to you guys?
Okay, so I want you to think of dating unromantically.
And it's going to be hard for you that are over 40.
It's going to be difficult for you
to think of it unromantically.
In our generation, a date was always a romantic situation.
It was always a romantic scenario.
Someone asked you on a date, they must like you.
Are they going to kiss you or not kiss you
at the end of this date?
You know, it's a romantic equation,
but it's not in this day that we live in.
We have to get to know folks.
We don't have the luxury of being in communities.
And that's what we're trying to rebuild here
with Last Year Single,
where we get to be around people a lot.
And then when they ask us on a date,
we already know everything about them
because we've been around them a lot in community.
And we know whether or not
we will be romantically attracted to them.
And we get to say yes or no based on that.
Because remember, it's a romantic equation
if it's that kind of date.
These are more meetups.
This is you just getting to know some people, getting to see what they're like, getting
to see what their life is like, seeing if there's chemistry and synergy, seeing if there's
compatibility.
That is what we're doing here, okay?
And so to answer George's question, I do think that healing instead of dating is important
after a long-term breakup.
But when you are ready to get back out there, it is not cheating unless you're being romantic
with all of your dates.
If you're being romantic with all of your dates, what does that look like?
That means expressing to them how much you like them and how excited you are to see them
and how much you miss them.
So verbally, like escalating the relationship to an emotional bond, physically escalating
by holding their hand or putting your arm around them, you know, going in for the kiss.
Yeah, you can't do that with more than one person at a time and you shouldn't, okay?
But if you're just hanging out, enjoying each other, getting to know each other, like Paul
talked about, going antique shopping, maybe going to the driving range, going to a soccer
game, having fun, seeing what that person's like around their community and their friends
and your friends.
And, you know, and then when you start to have romantic feelings about them and you
can tell that they do too, then you can go into a more romantic dating scenario.
Cool?
Yeah.
Thank you, Jackie.
I hope, I hope that's helpful.
Okay.
We had another guy on here who wanted to talk real quick.
We have five minutes left.
Andy, Allen Park, Michigan, you're up.
Hi.
So I had a question based on, well, what the last lady was saying about like being
with the guy who like, she wanted him to be leading more.
Well, I have that trouble.
I, I've been told in a lot of my past relationships that I don't lead enough and I don't really
know what that means.
I don't know what, what I feel like, well, what does she want from me?
Like I think I'm just being me, I think I'm being okay, like I don't see why I need to
be more like, like really, really, really strong, like choleric leadership personality.
I don't think that it's necessarily, it's necessary to be a choleric or to be a, you
know, um, to be a D on the disc or whatever, you know, whatever personality test you want
to fill in the blank.
But some women want a man to make all the decisions and doesn't sound like that would
be a match for you.
Okay.
There, that's not all women.
Okay.
It's not me.
I don't, I don't want that.
Um, raise your hand ladies.
If you are the kind of woman who expects the man to drive the car, okay, that's a, that's
a metaphor all the time.
Like you're expecting him to lead, like you're expecting him to have the answers.
You're expecting him to know what to do.
You're expecting him to take care of the hard things, make the hard decisions.
If you're one of those women, that's going to be expecting him to, you know, spiritually
have the answers and know what God's doing or saying.
If you are one of those ladies, let's see your hands.
Okay.
Janine is admitting, Hey, I'm one of those ladies.
I'm looking for that.
Kim is looking for that.
Kelly's looking for that.
Shana's looking for that.
Tameka, you notice that there's a lot of ladies that don't have their hand up.
Okay.
Half a hand, 75% of a hand.
Okay.
So we have, so we have a handful of ladies get it a handful.
We have a handful of ladies that have their hands up and, and so it's important for us
as we're getting to know people at the beginning to find out, you know, what do they think
marriage looks like?
What do they think romantic relationship looks like?
What do they think are the gender roles of the men and women in relationship?
And so Andy, you're going to be looking for someone who is more of a, a team player.
You know, someone who's going to let you show up to the table with your strengths and they're
going to show up with their strengths and you guys are going to collaborate with each
other.
Now, all of us women want masculine men, but what is masculine is different to every woman.
Ladies, I would like for you to help the guys and put in the chat what you think personally
is masculine, what you're looking for, like as far as like what you need to have in the
masculine.
Okay.
Define that for guys.
All right.
I will define it for me.
I like a meek man.
What is that?
What is masculine?
Meekness is not weakness.
So a man, I believe Jesus was like this, you know, a man who is strong, but his, but his
strength is under his self-control.
He's strong, but he's not going to use his power to overpower me.
You know what I'm saying?
He's going to use his power to protect me, he's going to use his power to protect others,
but he is not going to use it to overpower others or overpower me.
So he's, it's power under control, which is meekness to me.
So a meek man, a man who's willing to admit his faults, a man who's willing to ask for
help, not just from me, but from others.
A man who is wise and has self-control.
He shows wisdom.
He shows good common sense.
These are things that I like in a man.
So gentlemen, go ahead and see what the ladies are putting up.
So Andy, I just want to encourage you.
There's nothing wrong with you.
You're not broken.
You know, just like women, men are on a beautiful spectrum of masculinity.
Like women are on a beautiful spectrum of femininity.
One size does not fit all.
And I believe that God has a partner for each and every one of us, but we'll all grow.
We're all going to change in those relationships.
We're going to become better versions of ourselves.
We're not going to be passive.
I will say one thing.
I know that women do not like passivity in men.
Now, does that look like not taking the initiative or not leading?
It can to some women.
Some women like to see men just step up, take action, take charge.
When there's a problem, they begin to, you know, figure out how to solve it.
They're not going to just sit around, they're not going to just play video games and hope
the problem goes away.
You know, they're not going to make the problem worse by, you know, making more bad decisions
that feed into it.
No one's perfect, but I know that women do like men who are men of, you know, of action.
I do know that.
I think, um, I think I'm, I am good at taking action, but I like to be asked.
You like what?
Say that again.
I like to be, I like to be asked.
Okay.
I don't like to be expected to do something like, cause it's like, it's, it's like, well,
how the heck was I supposed to know to do that?
Like if you want something, you've got to ask for it.
That's kind of.
You know what?
You're not a mind reader.
And I a hundred percent agree with you ladies, please don't expect men to be mind readers.
This happened recently to one of my students.
Okay.
He's a great guy.
He's in his late twenties.
He's never really been in a very serious relationship before, and he is in a serious relationship.
So this is his first serious relationship.
They've been together for about four or five months.
Things have been going well.
Okay.
But all of a sudden she decided that he wasn't being romantic enough because one of her coworkers
was talking about her romantic boyfriend.
So she said to my client, my student, I want you to plan a date for us.
Okay.
And he planned a date and it wasn't good enough.
She was really disappointed afterwards because it didn't look like whatever her coworker
was telling her that her romantic boyfriend did.
And so I consider this very immature y'all what happens in this story.
So she says to my student, my client, she says, I'm going to need some time to process
because I don't know, you know, that we're right for each other because, you know, I,
I want things that you're not giving me.
Well, hello, tell me what those things are.
Don't just expect me to read your mind of what you consider romantic, ladies and gentlemen,
do not give people tests.
You know why?
Because it's not fair to take a test over information that you've not been taught.
Is it?
If you showed up in a classroom to take an important test, it was like a make it or break
it test, either pass and it was good or you failed.
It was going to be bad.
Okay.
It was a make it test, an important test.
You showed up in the classroom and the teacher handed you a test and all the questions on
the test you have never covered in class.
You have no idea what the answers are because you were never taught this information and
now you're expected to just guess at the answers and it's high stakes.
It's kind of an ultimatum.
What would you think about that teacher?
You would think that they were unfair, wouldn't you?
Wouldn't you think that they were being unreasonable?
But we do this all the time.
We give people tests over information that they've never been taught, not just in relationship
but in life.
Think about all the people in your life that you might see at the holidays this year that
they're not the same type of Christian as you are.
They might not even be Christians at all.
They might be pre-believers.
They might be people who don't have your background with God, your experience with God.
They haven't gone to the same churches.
They haven't heard the same.
same sermons, they haven't read the same scriptures, and yet every year when you see them, you're
giving them a test over what you know instead of over what they know.
You're judging them, whether they're your children or your parents, okay?
You're judging their spirituality.
You're judging everything about them based on who you are and what you know, not based
on who they are and what they know, and we got to stop doing this, and let's specifically
not do this in meeting the opposite sex, okay?
If you're in a relationship with someone, do not expect them to be a mind reader.
Do not expect them just to know how to make you happy.
Use your language, and not in a nagging way, or you never, or you always, or comparing
them to other people.
All of that is very conflict-ridden language.
Just express to them, hey, this is what I want in my relationship.
This is what I would like to see.
What would you like to see as we date each other, as we go forward in this exclusive
boyfriend and girlfriend situation?
What makes you happy?
What makes you feel loved?
What would you like to see me do to meet your needs, and vice versa?
Is that cool?
Can we do that?
It's called being a grown-up.
I know that we all watch these movies where the other person just seems to magically know
how to woo the other person, and it's just not real life.
It's not real.
I can't express to you enough that the people that live in the box in your living room are
not real people.
They're playing a part, okay?
Let's stop expecting life to look like that, because it doesn't.
It doesn't.
Okay.
All right.
Some people do not...
Can you raise your hand?
Can you just raise your hand if...
We'll just do a popcorn round really quickly.
Raise your hand if someone cussing really is a major ick or turn off for you.
I don't mean the F word.
I mean any cuss words.
Any cuss words at all.
Any cussing, not just the F bomb.
It's an ick.
It's a turn off.
If they have any profanity in their vocabulary that they use, icky, ick, ick.
Don't like it.
Makes you feel uncomfortable.
All right.
Quite a few hands up, y'all.
And men's hands are up too, not just women's.
I want you to pay attention to that, okay?
All right.
And remember, you guys, everyone deserves a one-off.
Just because someone stubs their toe and says shit doesn't mean that they cuss all the time.
Sometimes things just happen, okay?
Raise your hand if it's a major turn off for you, if someone is late.
If someone is late, they're leaving you waiting.
Come on.
It's hard for you to recover from that when someone is late, all right?
There's a lot of people.
And once again, it can happen to anyone one time, but repetitively late, okay?
I lowered your hands.
Raise your hand if someone cancels plans last minute.
And once again, everyone deserves one, one time, y'all, a one-off, okay?
Please do not cross someone off the list just because any of these things happen.
It's more of a habitual thing.
A habitual cancels at the last minute, okay?
Okay?
I'm not going to even ask you if it's a turn off if people say something that's not true
because we all know that most of us do not like people to lie to us, so we're not going
to even ask that, okay?
So you guys can see.
I think I'm just trying to help you to see that a lot of you are the same.
You feel the same way about things.
Raise your hand if someone shows up to meet you, you're getting to know them, and they
didn't put effort into their appearance.
You're just getting to know this person, and they're already kind of showing up with a
sweaty ponytail, workout, just came from the gym.
I mean, once again, a one-off, but they don't seem to be trying to put their best foot forward
with you.
And if it's not a turn off, like specifically like, ew, then don't say anything.
If it's just like, yeah, I don't really care that much about it.
Okay, that includes hygiene.
You can be a crunchy granola.
person, but you're gonna have to figure out some deodorant that works for y'all, okay?
Go ahead, eat clean, I eat clean, but no one wants to show up and meet someone that they
don't know and they smell like body odor.
Nobody wants that, okay?
Except for maybe another hippie, and then you just go to a kibbutz and meet someone
at a hostel, okay?
It's all good.
All right.
I'm just trying to show you guys how similar all of you are to each other, okay?
Very, very similar.
And you guys, here's some other things that people have told me are turnoffs.
When someone says, hey, do you want to do something?
And you're like, yeah, but then they never tell you what, right?
They just kind of leave it hanging in the air there, right?
Another turnoff for people is when you're communicating with someone and they fall off
and they just stop communicating.
And then they start communicating a day or two later.
It's like, what happened to you?
We were talking and then boom, you're gone, right?
These are all things that people are like, eh, you know, I don't know.
I'm just getting to know this person, right?
It's also a turnoff if people try to get too physical too fast.
A lot of people, most people don't want to hold your hand on the first date.
They don't want to be kissed on the first date.
They don't want any kind of real physical, you know, possibly a hug.
I remember when David Dorman asked me if he could hug me after we went on a walk together.
Remember, we were neighbors, but now he's like, I think I like you more than that.
Okay, well, let's go to coffee.
Okay, well, let's go on a walk.
And we went on a walk and at the end of the walk, he's like, can I hug you?
I know him.
He's my next door neighbor, I think, which made it even more awkward for him to now want
to hug me because I've known him for a half a year as my neighbor.
And I said, okay, and he gave me a hug and y'all, it was one of those hugs where you
can't, you can't get out.
Okay.
And I'm a pretty avoidantly attached person.
So I'm in the hug.
And at first it was like, oh, yeah, that feels good.
But it lasted two minutes longer than I was comfortable with.
Okay.
So be self-aware, be self-aware, gentlemen, ladies, be self-aware.
The best thing that you could ever be in your entire life in every area to be successful
is to be aware of self.
I gave this advice to one of my private clients, I'm going to give it to you, listening, gentlemen,
you as well.
I want you to get to know yourself in the mirror.
What do I mean by that?
What I mean is, is I want you to look in the mirror and I want you to make different facial
expressions that you make.
I want you to think different thoughts that cause you to make different facial expressions.
Like what does it look like when you're mad or when you're disgusted by something?
What does it look like when you're confused?
What does it look like when you're deep in thought?
Ladies, over 40, you probably have some RBF and maybe you're unapproachable.
You don't realize it, but your face is saying, stay away from me.
Even though that's not really what you want, but your face is saying that because as we
get older, these little muscles right here pull our mouth down and make us look angry.
And so be deep in thought in the mirror, what does your face look like?
Does it look like, you know, get away from me?
Because if so, then you're going to have to mind your face and be self-aware when you're
out in public and your places where you can be meeting people.
What does it look like when you're smiling?
You're being friendly.
You're smiling at someone.
Look in the mirror, make those facial expressions so that when you're doing it in real life,
you remember what you look like when you do it.
What's it look like to flirt?
Do a little coy face.
What's it look like to be a little flirty?
What's it look like when you do a little hair toss, when you, when you do a little, you
know, cute little fun, flirty smile?
What does that look like?
Okay.
Guys, I know this seems silly, but it's really important to be self-aware.
It's important to know what you're putting out in the world.
What do you look like when you eat?
Look at yourself in the mirror while you're eating and don't eat nice just because you're
looking at yourself.
Eat the way you really eat.
Let's see what you're looking like.
Is your mouth all the way closed?
Hmm.
Okay.
Do you eat with your tongue?
Like a cow?
There's a tongue in there trying to break down the food while you're eating.
A lot of people are tongue eaters.
They don't even know it, but they are.
It's not really fun to watch.
So pay attention to what you're doing.
Okay.
Look at yourself.
Pay attention to what you're doing.
Why?
Because you need to become very aware of you.
Very aware of you.
The more aware that you become of you, the more ...
The more that you're gonna know
when someone's making you feel uncomfortable,
the more that you're gonna know
whether or not you like something or don't like something.
The key to you meeting your spirit mate
is you knowing who you are
and what you're putting out in the world.
And these are just some really easy exercises
to start you on the path to self-awareness.
What do I look like?
What do my facial expressions look like?
What do I look like when I'm happy, when I'm sad,
when I'm thinking?
What does it look like when I'm eating?
You know, what does it look like, you know, to be me?
When other people see me, what do they see, right?
These are really important stuff.
And it's very, very, very, you know, elementary stuff,
but we can grow in self-awareness
if we start with some little building blocks.
Sound good?
All right, thank you guys for coming.
We're a little bit over, about 15 minutes over,
but that's okay.
It was good tonight.
Lots of really good stuff.
Ask Jackie is open for men's group
and phase three women's group.
The reason why we weren't doing
is we were getting way too many questions
because we were letting phase two women
also put an Ask Jackie in,
and we're not doing that anymore.
So if you're a phase three woman,
which that's the only women that are here tonight,
and you have a question for Ask Jackie, put that in.
We will be doing that once a week again.
It'll just be live in your group, okay?
Because now we can go live on the app as well.
And make sure that you pay attention to December calendar.
Mark those dates off.
I will be spotlighting lots of new guys
on my Instagram, okay?
Remember, students and clients get first dibs.
I will tell you on the Instagram how to reach out to us
if you think you're that person's match.
You guys, if you're not the match,
the criteria that I put up, don't have FOMO.
Please don't write us and say,
oh, I know that I don't have this criteria,
but I wanted to reach out anyway.
No, that makes so much more work for us.
You'd be better off sending that spotlight
to someone who you really do think the match is.
There's a match for you.
You don't have to have FOMO by trying to respond to one
that definitely isn't.
We don't put that criteria up to keep people out
and just discriminate against people.
We put it up because that is what is going to be the match
for this person.
It doesn't make any sense for you to insert yourself
into that match if it isn't at least a seven out of 10 fit.
You have seven of the 10 things of criteria.
Just remember, there's gonna be more.
This is not the breadline.
There's more where that came from, I promise.
There's no recession in the area of romance.
There's not.
I know it seems like it, but there really isn't.
And so I'm gonna be putting that out there.
Guys, I'm gonna be putting ladies in your group,
the ones that say that I can,
I'm gonna be putting them in the group, same thing.
If you're not what she's looking for,
then send her to a buddy.
Do not send us an email, okay?
Only email us if you have seven of the 10 criteria.
And you guys remember, that's a ratio.
There might not be 10 criteria, there might be five.
So you have to have three of the five.
You guys get it, right?
Cool?
Good.
Love y'all.
Have a great night.
See you soon.