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All right, so welcome to Love Seeds.

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If you're new to Love Seeds, raise your hand.

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We want to see all the people that are just joining us in phase three of our program.

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This is a regular offering that we have for you on the calendar in phase three, and that

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is a group dating coaching relationship advice session called Love Seeds.

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Now the way it works is that you can put any and all questions that you have about dating

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relationships, heart work, anything that would affect you in this program and in your goals

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in the chat, and I do not have a helper tonight, so I'm going to have to go over there and

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check that out and see what those questions are.

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Usually we have a second person that is helping with this, and then I will answer those in

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real time as your dating coach, as your dating guru, as your matchmaker.

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But then also, if you have a situation that you would like to discuss in front of the

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group about something that's going on, something you saw on a dating app, someone you're talking

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to, anything or everything, and you're able to do it concisely without five minutes of

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background information, you can jump in the Love Seed and then I can give you advice in

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real time.

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Sound fun?

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And then a lot of times on Love Seed nights, we have a single spotlight, and so we do have

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a great guy here tonight that we're going to be spotlighting and getting to ask all

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the questions.

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Ladies, go easy on him.

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He's nervous.

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He's shy.

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He's never done this before, but he is going to be great, and I know that all of you are

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going to be so kind and so considerate to him.

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And so we're going to start out with that spotlight first.

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And so without further ado, I'm going to invite my friend, my student, Paul, to join

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us.

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All right.

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So we have Paul here, and then I'm also going to add myself.

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All right.

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So you guys should see both of us spotlighted, me and Paul, right?

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Okay.

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So we're going to ask Paul questions.

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I'm going to ask him some questions.

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I'm going to be the interviewer, and then you will be able to ask him some questions

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as well.

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And then after we do our single spotlight for tonight, we are going to jump into Love

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Seeds.

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And so hi, Paul.

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Thank you for being brave.

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Thank you for your bravery.

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It's not going to be as bad as you think.

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So Paul, let's find out some basic information about you.

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How old are you?

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Where do you live?

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Have you ever been married?

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Do you have any kids?

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Okay.

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I'm 64.

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I have three adult daughters, 40, 37, 36.

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I've been divorced since 1992.

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I have three kids.

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And let's see, I've been a nurse since about 20 years, licensed practical nurse.

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Live in the Cincinnati area, just north of Cincinnati, most of my life, except for four

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years in San Antonio, which I love.

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And what were you doing in San Antonio?

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Were you in the military?

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No.

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I needed work.

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And it got slim up here.

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So I had a daughter live down there.

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And so I live down there.

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Awesome.

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And winter's down there.

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It's like spring is up here, so.

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Yes.

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It's beautiful down here in the wintertime.

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Today was gorgeous, you guys, but we paid for it with four months of Hell's Front Porch.

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So it's very hot in the summertime.

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And while you guys have to stay inside during the winter, we stay inside during the summer.

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Cincinnati is a great city.

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In fact, I think that Cincinnati has one of the most beautiful skylines.

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When you're coming from the Kentucky side and you're coming into Cincinnati, it's gorgeous,

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right?

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Yeah.

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It is.

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Okay.

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So you said you have two adult daughters.

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Did you say eight grandkids?

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Three adult daughters and eight grandkids.

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Wow.

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Three adult daughters and eight grandkids.

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And I'm sure that you love that.

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Now, are all your daughters spread out?

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Do they live near you?

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Two are up here near me.

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My youngest has four children, and then my oldest is in San Antonio with four, so.

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Okay.

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So eight grandkids.

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And you've been divorced since 92.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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That's a long time.

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I've had maybe three serious relationships since then.

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Okay.

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I did not date a lot at first.

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And then when I did start dating, it was fairly few and far between, so.

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Well, you guys, I can tell you that Paul has been in our community for a little while now,

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and he is definitely in the men's group.

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He is, you know, someone that we love, and he's been kind of hiding out in these, you

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know, he comes to a lot of sessions, and I was like, it's time to spotlight you, Paul.

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I'm going to put the spotlight on you.

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Okay.

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So, a licensed practical nurse, that, it's amazing.

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You know, I like it.

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when men are nurses, some of the best nurses that I've ever had are men and just really kind,

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compassionate people. What else do you do when you're not working? What do you do for fun,

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for hobbies? Gosh, for hobbies? I work out pretty regularly. I mean, I don't know if I'd call that

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a hobby. Now at 64, it's kind of a necessity. What's your go-to? Do you go to the gym? Is it

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running? What kind of workouts do you do? I do planet fitness. Okay. Occasionally I'll do some

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cardio there. But other than that, I hang out at Starbucks and read. What do you read? What's

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the book you're reading currently? Two books. One is by Randy Clark. There's more. And the other is

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by a guy named Peter Zion. It's geopolitics. Oh, okay. I'm interested in that type of stuff.

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So you just hang out at your local Starbucks and you read. You're the guy that's reading

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at Starbucks. Yeah, I just chill out, hang out with friends at church occasionally and

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don't really have a lot of hobbies outside of that. I like being outdoors,

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whether it's just walking, hiking. Okay. And do you have a spiritual community? You said that

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besides going to church, do you like your church? What kind of church is it?

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Started going there in about 1993, Vineyard Community Church for Vineyard Cincinnati.

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I've been there for the exception of four years in San Antonio. I've been there about 30 years.

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Oh, wow. That's your family there. Yeah. Yeah. I like a vineyard church. Vineyards are good

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churches. I definitely like a good vineyard church. So ladies, I'm going to go ahead and

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open the floor. I will ask the questions. If I don't ask your question, then it's because I

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don't think, not that it's not appropriate, but I don't think that it's a question for the mass

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audience. Okay. It's really important that we understand that some questions don't have yes

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or no answers or they don't have small answers. They have larger conversations attached to them

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and we don't have time to have a larger conversation. So we're just going to stick

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to the basics. Stick to the facts, ladies. Okay. So other people talking about vineyard church and

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going to vineyard churches, definitely. All right. What questions do you guys have for Paul?

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Denomination. Vineyard is like a non-denominational church, Matty.

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It's a little bit like Bethel. Yeah. It's a spirit filled, spirit led type of

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denomination. You guys, here's a fun fact. The vineyard churches were actually planted by

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the people that were saved during the Jesus people days in California. Most of the vineyards

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ended up being pastored by the Jesus revolution people. So you can imagine that, you know,

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on fire for God, discipleship and continuing in the teachings of the apostles. That's kind of

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the background of vineyard. Holy spirit, of course, because the Jesus people movement was

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definitely a charismatic movement. Yes. John Wimber, for sure. But the people, the Jesus

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revolution people, a lot of them ended up as vineyard pastors. I read an article about that.

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I thought it was phenomenal. Maybe you can Google it and look up that. All right.

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Okay. Yes. Came out of Calvary Chapel. All right. So what questions do y'all have for John?

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Once again, 30,000 foot kind of questions. We don't want to dig deep, deep, deep down into

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anything that's going to require a larger conversation. How tall are you, Paul?

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Uh, five, nine and one eighth of an inch. Five, nine and an eighth. You guys.

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That eighth is important because five, nine is average. So I can literally say that.

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He's got that eighth of an inch. He's got that eighth of an inch up there.

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Yeah. I think that's important too, because I'm five, nine and three quarters of an inch.

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And, you know, so I don't have to be five, 10. I don't want to be five, 10.

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So I will say the same thing for the opposite reason to get shorter. All right. So, um,

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let's see. I think that Paul's pretty much open to anyone who'd be open to him as far as age range.

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Um, Paul, people are wanting to know what your age range is. He said he's 64. You can see that

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he's not retired. He has refired. And remember friends, my advice always is that you're not

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trying to match age. You're trying to match the life that's left in someone, the activity level

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that's in someone, um, the desire for life that's in someone, not the number on a birth certificate.

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Really important. Okay. Um, so Paul just told you that he goes, you know, he's still working,

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works as a nurse and he goes to the gym regularly. So he's an active man, likes to be outdoors.

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likes to read, likes to improve his mind, and so anyone who would be a good match

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for him would be someone who is working on themselves physically, spiritually, and

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mentally. Okay, that's important. All right, let's see, what else? What else do we

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have? What immediate activities would you like to do with your spirit mate to get

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to know her better? What kind of activities, Paul?

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Did you hear that talk? Talk, yes. I think one of the best dates I ever went on, I

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went with a woman years ago, and she liked antiques, and so we went to kind of

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a historical town just north of me and walked around, and it was, it was really

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nice in that we had things to talk about besides each other, and then things we

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shared, you know, I'm interested in history too, so there's some mutual

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interest there, so, and it was, you know, it was just easy going, low-key, went out,

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you know, got dinner after that, but yeah, just talk and just share our different

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hobbies and our interests. I love that. Went on an antiquing date, that's

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something she was interested in, went to some small towns that have those antique

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shops and got a chance to, you know, talk about different things as they were

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doing that. I think that that's awesome. What dream still lives in your heart?

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Like, is there something that you haven't accomplished in your life that

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you still would like to accomplish, besides being married? As of lately, it's

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one of those questions, like, if money were not an option, yeah, I would love to go

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to school somewhere like, either Bethel in California, GSSM, or BSSM, I don't know

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if you're familiar with that. Yes, it's BSSM. Yeah, I would, that would be something I

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think I would like to do someday. Yeah, so if money wasn't an obstacle, if you

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didn't have to work and you would just go out there to BSSM, they do have it

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online, just so you know, and I heard that it's just as good, and so that might be a

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consideration, but he would like to, so basically what you're saying is that you

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would like to have a kind of a upgrade, spiritually speaking, like immerse

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yourself into a spiritual environment like that. Yeah, I don't really feel

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called to ministry, but just like you said, just to see God move more in other

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people's lives, you know, I do a part of a prayer ministry at my church, and not

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just at church, but just to go out into a public square, and how to be, learn to be

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more naturally supernatural kind of thing. Yeah, no, that's a dream to improve in that area.

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What's your, yeah, I agree, and learning how to, you know, be in the spirit or fall

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after the spirit in everyday life is so important, and I really love that. Have

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you traveled abroad, and if so, what was your favorite place, and if not, where

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would you like to visit, and why? Okay, abroad, just two places, about 15 years

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ago, I went to Mexico City on a short-term mission trip, is more of a

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service trip, where we helped, I assisted a dentist, and he would do extractions

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and fillings for kids out in the open, and did that, and I've done three trips

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at last each, last three Octobers to Brazil. It was ministry with Global

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Awakening, Rainey Clark, Bill Johnson, Catherine Rinella, we were sort of like

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their prayer team for them. I did go to Brazil, but I got to meet the Brazilian

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people, and it was really cool, so I, if I could go anywhere in the world, I think

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it would be, besides Texas, I like Texas, probably, I think I would like try to go

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to Mozambique sometime. Oh yeah, with Heidi? Yeah, mostly. Yeah, okay, that would be,

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that would be really amazing. You love Texas, that just brings up a question, not

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necessarily Texas, but would you be willing to relocate for love? It depends,

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probably not, but I mean, I, I don't want to say never, because I never thought I'd

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end up in Texas when I did, so, you know, it's, I'm really looking for someone

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locally within like two, three hours of me, because I like to meet in person, I

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mean, I don't mind doing the Zoom calls and stuff like that, but for me, after a

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call or two, I want to meet in person to see you. And that's definitely my, that's

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definitely my advice, you know, we want to meet in person as soon as we can, and so

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if work schedules or finances do not permit for that to happen, you guys, it's

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very difficult to get to

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know someone long distance, if you don't have a job

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or finances in which you can travel

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and go and see that person.

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And so it's not unreasonable that you would want

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to meet someone that is closer in proximity to you

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for those reasons if you don't have that.

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So you're 64 years old and you've worked as a nurse

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for 20 years, do you plan on retiring from nursing?

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And if so, when?

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I would love to retire now, but financially

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I'm looking at like 72, but anything could happen.

222
00:15:39.740 --> 00:15:40.580
Sure.

223
00:15:41.960 --> 00:15:43.200
Yeah, because right now what you're doing

224
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is you're forecasting your future based on just you

225
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and based on just your income

226
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and based on what you are able to do.

227
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But remember if you get married,

228
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that's a whole nother person.

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And all the things that they've prepared

230
00:15:55.880 --> 00:15:57.560
and all the things that they've saved as well.

231
00:15:57.560 --> 00:16:00.200
So all of you are single in here

232
00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:03.520
and all of you that are still working

233
00:16:03.520 --> 00:16:06.080
that are over the age of 55, raise your hand.

234
00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:08.760
And I'm assuming that you're working

235
00:16:08.760 --> 00:16:10.300
for the same reasons as Paul is,

236
00:16:10.300 --> 00:16:12.680
because when there's just one person

237
00:16:12.680 --> 00:16:17.680
and just one retirement and you have plans for retirement,

238
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you wanna do certain things,

239
00:16:19.520 --> 00:16:21.080
you wanna have the income to do those.

240
00:16:21.080 --> 00:16:23.580
Over 55, still working, let's see your hands.

241
00:16:23.580 --> 00:16:27.040
Come on, get them up, get them up, get them up, get them up.

242
00:16:27.080 --> 00:16:28.360
Get them up.

243
00:16:28.360 --> 00:16:30.640
All right, and let's ask.

244
00:16:30.640 --> 00:16:33.800
I don't ever think I wanna stop working, I'm just-

245
00:16:33.800 --> 00:16:36.080
Yeah, just working on something else.

246
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.680
Yeah, don't retire, refire, that's what I say.

247
00:16:38.680 --> 00:16:40.680
You don't retire, you refire.

248
00:16:40.680 --> 00:16:42.440
Now, keep your hands up.

249
00:16:42.440 --> 00:16:46.640
I wanna see all the hands of everyone who is over 55, period.

250
00:16:46.640 --> 00:16:49.720
I wanna see the hands of everyone over 55.

251
00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:51.960
Put your hands up.

252
00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:56.040
Let's see how many folks we have in here just on this call.

253
00:16:56.040 --> 00:16:59.400
It looks like we have about 25.

254
00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:02.200
All right, and then keep your hands up.

255
00:17:02.200 --> 00:17:05.680
Now, I wanna see everyone's hands who's over 50.

256
00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:07.880
So you're not over 55, but you're over 50.

257
00:17:07.880 --> 00:17:09.480
Let's see those hands.

258
00:17:09.480 --> 00:17:11.400
Get those hands up.

259
00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:14.920
If you're 50 and up, I'm be joining your club here

260
00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:18.119
in just two months, less than two months.

261
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:20.560
Get them up, get them up, get them up, okay?

262
00:17:20.560 --> 00:17:23.480
All right, we'll keep going, 45 and up.

263
00:17:23.480 --> 00:17:24.540
Raise your hand.

264
00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:29.320
Raise your hand if you're 45 and up.

265
00:17:29.320 --> 00:17:31.840
Actually, your avatar hand, don't just raise your hand,

266
00:17:31.840 --> 00:17:35.480
hand, raise your little yellow hand so we can see it.

267
00:17:35.480 --> 00:17:36.800
Some of you have gone so far

268
00:17:36.800 --> 00:17:39.000
as to make it your own skin tone.

269
00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:39.840
Good for you.

270
00:17:39.840 --> 00:17:42.400
Okay, and then over 40 and up.

271
00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:46.240
You're 40 or older.

272
00:17:46.240 --> 00:17:47.080
Let's see it.

273
00:17:48.840 --> 00:17:50.240
Let's see your hands.

274
00:17:50.760 --> 00:17:51.680
40 or older.

275
00:17:53.360 --> 00:17:56.480
Okay, now I want everyone to put their hand down

276
00:17:56.480 --> 00:17:58.960
and I'm gonna help you out with that.

277
00:18:02.120 --> 00:18:03.320
I'm gonna lower all the hands.

278
00:18:03.320 --> 00:18:04.160
I put them all down.

279
00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:05.480
Now, I want you to put your hand,

280
00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:07.840
oh, you guys are still raising your hands, okay?

281
00:18:07.840 --> 00:18:09.160
No one raise your hands anymore.

282
00:18:09.160 --> 00:18:10.920
I'm gonna put all your hands down.

283
00:18:10.920 --> 00:18:13.000
Now, I want you to raise your hand

284
00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:15.040
and I want you to put your hand down.

285
00:18:15.040 --> 00:18:16.720
I'm gonna put your hand down.

286
00:18:16.760 --> 00:18:18.520
I'm gonna put all your hands down.

287
00:18:18.520 --> 00:18:23.520
Now, I want you to raise your hand if you are 40 and under.

288
00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:28.680
Let's see those hands, just out of curiosity.

289
00:18:28.680 --> 00:18:30.360
40 and under, let's see your hands.

290
00:18:30.360 --> 00:18:32.880
Oh, I see some guys here that I haven't seen

291
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:35.720
in a while or ever on here.

292
00:18:35.720 --> 00:18:38.320
See Scott's with us tonight.

293
00:18:38.320 --> 00:18:42.040
Brian and Andy, Daniel, okay.

294
00:18:42.040 --> 00:18:44.680
That's millennial guys in the house.

295
00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:45.520
All right.

296
00:18:47.400 --> 00:18:48.240
All right.

297
00:18:50.840 --> 00:18:52.040
Okay.

298
00:18:52.040 --> 00:18:53.080
All right, just wanted to kind of take

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00:18:53.080 --> 00:18:53.960
a little bit of a survey.

300
00:18:53.960 --> 00:18:55.400
There's 129 of us on here.

301
00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:58.080
I wanna see, it's pretty much,

302
00:18:58.080 --> 00:19:01.320
it's close to being an even split of under 40 and over 40.

303
00:19:01.320 --> 00:19:02.800
So that's good.

304
00:19:02.800 --> 00:19:05.400
All right, does anyone else have any questions for Paul?

305
00:19:05.400 --> 00:19:09.480
So to recap, if you're just joining us, Paul is 64.

306
00:19:09.480 --> 00:19:11.480
He has been divorced since 92.

307
00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:15.120
He has three adult daughters, eight grandchildren.

308
00:19:15.120 --> 00:19:18.040
He lives in Cincinnati and has, for most of his life,

309
00:19:18.040 --> 00:19:20.400
lived in that area except for when he lived in Texas

310
00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:23.040
and San Antonio for a few years.

311
00:19:23.040 --> 00:19:25.920
He loves Texas, by the way, ladies.

312
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:26.920
So even though he says

313
00:19:26.920 --> 00:19:28.800
that he wouldn't necessarily relocate,

314
00:19:28.800 --> 00:19:31.520
he also said he wouldn't count it out.

315
00:19:31.520 --> 00:19:34.520
So I know that God has a way of doing what he does.

316
00:19:34.520 --> 00:19:37.400
He is a licensed practical nurse

317
00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:41.760
and he has been doing that for 20 plus years, okay.

318
00:19:41.760 --> 00:19:44.560
He is five, nine, and one eighth, don't you forget it.

319
00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:48.600
Okay, and he likes to read.

320
00:19:48.600 --> 00:19:50.320
He likes to learn.

321
00:19:50.320 --> 00:19:55.120
He likes to spiritually improve, mentally improve,

322
00:19:55.120 --> 00:19:58.320
physically improve, goes to the gym regularly,

323
00:19:58.320 --> 00:19:59.720
likes the outdoors.

324
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.840
and would love to meet a lady who's within three to four hours of driving distance from Cincinnati.

325
00:20:05.840 --> 00:20:10.720
So who does that include? That includes Indiana, that includes Kentucky, that includes Columbus,

326
00:20:11.280 --> 00:20:18.240
almost includes Cleveland, that includes West Virginia. There's a lot of different places

327
00:20:18.240 --> 00:20:23.840
and different areas there. And so if that is you and you would like to meet Paul,

328
00:20:23.840 --> 00:20:33.280
please email us at admin at JackieDorman.com and put Paul in the subject line, okay? Make sure that

329
00:20:33.280 --> 00:20:41.440
you include a couple recent pictures of yourself in a short bio and or the ability for us to look

330
00:20:41.440 --> 00:20:46.480
at your spirit mate match profile, okay? It's easier for us though if you just give us a bio

331
00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:50.160
and a couple of pics, that way we don't have to go look at your spirit mate match profile.

332
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:54.720
And if we think based on that, that you're matched, then we will also go look at your

333
00:20:54.720 --> 00:21:00.080
spirit mate match profile. Sound good? Well, Paul, thank you so much for jumping in last minute.

334
00:21:00.800 --> 00:21:07.360
You are a silver fox, my friend. And there's a lot of amazing ladies in here that have been

335
00:21:07.360 --> 00:21:14.320
begging me to have a guy over 50 on the spotlight. And so there you go, ladies. There's Paul. All

336
00:21:14.320 --> 00:21:23.520
right. All right. So let's have some fun with love seats. We have about 30, 40 minutes left

337
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:28.960
for tonight for love seats. So we're going to have some fun. Let me see if I can.

338
00:21:36.400 --> 00:21:42.400
All right. All right. I've removed all the spotlight. So now you guys should see the

339
00:21:42.400 --> 00:21:50.240
whole gallery. Everybody see everybody again? Okay, good. All right. So let's go. Let's jump

340
00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:58.080
into... Also, I want to do a little housekeeping. I'm about to put out a whole lot of male spotlights.

341
00:21:58.800 --> 00:22:03.280
Ladies, I know you're like, what are you going to spotlight ladies? I am going to spotlight ladies

342
00:22:03.360 --> 00:22:13.280
to my men email list, my men's email list, and my men's thousand person group. Okay. My men's

343
00:22:13.280 --> 00:22:20.160
Facebook page that has a thousand plus men in it. I'm going to put up a post in level three,

344
00:22:20.160 --> 00:22:25.760
and I'm going to tag it to the featured section. And it is going to say, if you do not want to

345
00:22:25.760 --> 00:22:32.800
be spotlighted on social media, in my men's private group, please comment. So if you do not

346
00:22:32.800 --> 00:22:37.600
want to be spotlighted, which means we won't share your pictures, we won't share your bio.

347
00:22:37.600 --> 00:22:42.800
Once again, we never share names. So people always come through us to get to you. Okay.

348
00:22:42.800 --> 00:22:46.160
They always come through us to get to you. Now, does that mean that someone's not going to take

349
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:50.960
your picture and put it in a reverse lookup system on Facebook and try to find you themselves? Maybe,

350
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:55.200
but you don't have to approve their friend request on Facebook if you don't want to.

351
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:59.040
We're all grownups here. You don't got to talk to anyone that you don't want to talk to. But I will

352
00:22:59.040 --> 00:23:06.000
tell you, as far as it's in our control, men and women, we like to vet people out before we

353
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:12.480
release them into the wild. Okay. And so we will be doing that. If you do not want to be

354
00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:17.840
shared for whatever reason in that group, or even on my public social media as a spotlight,

355
00:23:17.840 --> 00:23:22.240
then you're going to need to tell us that. Okay. And so we're going to put up that post. Please

356
00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:28.720
be looking for that post. We're going to put that post up. And actually, I think we're going to do

357
00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:36.000
it the opposite way. We're going to say, if you want to be spotlighted, then post. Because the

358
00:23:36.000 --> 00:23:39.760
opposite way I don't think is going to work. We're going to do it the other way. Okay. So

359
00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:47.680
I say that to say this, I'm going to put out a lot of men spotlights that are either my students

360
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:53.600
or my personal clients on my Instagram because of my podcast that's coming. I'm going to be putting

361
00:23:53.600 --> 00:23:57.600
out a lot more content. I want to let you know that even though I'm posting these men publicly,

362
00:23:58.240 --> 00:24:05.600
first dibs will always be given to students and clients. Okay. I'm going to repeat that.

363
00:24:05.600 --> 00:24:12.000
First dibs on any and all spotlights will always be given to students and clients. People in the

364
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:18.640
community will be given first dibs on meeting anyone. Okay. Because that's only fair. And so

365
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:23.520
that is the way it will be. So regardless of whether I do a spirit mate match live on my

366
00:24:23.520 --> 00:24:30.160
podcast or whatever happens, just know that whoever that person is, if you are a student

367
00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:36.080
or you're in the community and we'll give you information on how to contact us about that person,

368
00:24:36.080 --> 00:24:43.520
we will give the people that are in our community first dibs. Okay. If you can call dibs on a

369
00:24:43.520 --> 00:24:50.480
person. Okay. It will only be after we exhaust our community resources and there's not really

370
00:24:50.480 --> 00:24:58.080
a good match for that person within our community that we will entertain possible outside matches.

371
00:24:58.080 --> 00:24:59.840
Cool. Good.

372
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.000
Okay, so be looking for that.

373
00:25:02.000 --> 00:25:03.880
Gentlemen, same goes for you.

374
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:06.440
We'll be putting a post up in your group on your app.

375
00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:10.720
It'll just say, hey, if you're willing to be spotlighted

376
00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:14.360
to the greater public or to our bigger women's pages,

377
00:25:14.360 --> 00:25:17.020
like our women's phase three page,

378
00:25:17.020 --> 00:25:19.100
then post in the comments.

379
00:25:19.100 --> 00:25:20.280
And I think most of the men are like,

380
00:25:20.280 --> 00:25:22.240
yes, we volunteer as tribute.

381
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:24.660
The men are like, Jackie, when are you gonna match us?

382
00:25:24.660 --> 00:25:25.920
They're like biting at the bit.

383
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:26.880
They're ready to go.

384
00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:28.380
Okay, so we are ready.

385
00:25:28.380 --> 00:25:30.020
That's all the housekeeping I have for you.

386
00:25:30.020 --> 00:25:32.020
We have a lot of really fun spirit mate match

387
00:25:32.020 --> 00:25:35.140
kind of Christmas stuff going on for December.

388
00:25:35.140 --> 00:25:37.940
So please, when the calendar gets released next week,

389
00:25:37.940 --> 00:25:39.600
mark those dates on your calendar

390
00:25:39.600 --> 00:25:41.620
so that you can make sure that you're live with us

391
00:25:41.620 --> 00:25:44.460
on those fun activity days.

392
00:25:44.460 --> 00:25:45.300
Okay.

393
00:25:46.500 --> 00:25:49.620
All right, let's see what we got here.

394
00:25:49.620 --> 00:25:51.780
Who has questions for love seeds?

395
00:25:55.180 --> 00:25:56.900
Who has questions?

396
00:25:59.380 --> 00:26:01.500
If you wanna jump in the love seat,

397
00:26:01.500 --> 00:26:02.340
please raise your hand.

398
00:26:02.340 --> 00:26:05.020
Rhonda, is your hand up for the love seat?

399
00:26:05.020 --> 00:26:07.020
Okay, go ahead, Rhonda, unmute yourself.

400
00:26:07.020 --> 00:26:08.780
And in 120 seconds or less,

401
00:26:08.780 --> 00:26:11.420
tell me the background of your question.

402
00:26:11.420 --> 00:26:12.260
Okay.

403
00:26:13.120 --> 00:26:13.960
Can you hear me?

404
00:26:13.960 --> 00:26:14.780
Am I unmuted?

405
00:26:14.780 --> 00:26:15.780
I can hear you.

406
00:26:15.780 --> 00:26:17.020
Okay, good.

407
00:26:17.020 --> 00:26:20.820
So my question was when I was watching you do a live,

408
00:26:20.820 --> 00:26:23.220
I don't know if it was yesterday or the day before,

409
00:26:23.220 --> 00:26:26.140
and it really, something that you said

410
00:26:26.140 --> 00:26:27.580
really, really resonated.

411
00:26:27.580 --> 00:26:30.300
And I had never, and I grew up in church,

412
00:26:30.300 --> 00:26:35.300
so I had never come across this thought or this thing.

413
00:26:35.640 --> 00:26:39.300
So you said, if somebody doesn't agree

414
00:26:39.300 --> 00:26:44.300
or if somebody doesn't believe that your story

415
00:26:44.660 --> 00:26:47.020
is gonna end in marriage or is gonna end in,

416
00:26:47.020 --> 00:26:49.560
then don't ask them to pray for you.

417
00:26:49.560 --> 00:26:51.220
So, okay.

418
00:26:51.220 --> 00:26:53.940
So my question is, how do we know?

419
00:26:53.940 --> 00:26:54.780
How do we know?

420
00:26:54.980 --> 00:26:56.340
I mean, I always thought the prayer

421
00:26:56.340 --> 00:26:58.020
was always gonna be always the answer.

422
00:26:58.020 --> 00:27:00.120
Like, pray for me, just pray for me about this,

423
00:27:00.120 --> 00:27:02.300
or pray for me about this and all of my friends.

424
00:27:02.300 --> 00:27:04.300
But how do we know if somebody's not really

425
00:27:04.300 --> 00:27:06.540
in agreement with us on that?

426
00:27:06.540 --> 00:27:08.060
Well, first of all, you guys,

427
00:27:08.060 --> 00:27:09.220
you have to be really careful,

428
00:27:09.220 --> 00:27:10.620
and this doesn't just go for marriage.

429
00:27:10.620 --> 00:27:13.460
You have to be really careful who you approach

430
00:27:13.460 --> 00:27:15.660
and ask to come into agreement with you

431
00:27:15.660 --> 00:27:18.220
or pray for your dreams, just in general.

432
00:27:19.140 --> 00:27:22.140
People are people, and they have their own junk.

433
00:27:22.140 --> 00:27:22.980
They do.

434
00:27:22.980 --> 00:27:24.980
And not everyone has faith for certain things.

435
00:27:24.980 --> 00:27:27.540
Like, for instance, you could come to someone

436
00:27:27.540 --> 00:27:29.120
because you're sick in your body

437
00:27:29.120 --> 00:27:31.820
and you're having issues with your health,

438
00:27:31.820 --> 00:27:34.380
and you can just come up to someone that you like at church

439
00:27:34.380 --> 00:27:36.900
and be like, hey, could you pray for me?

440
00:27:36.900 --> 00:27:39.060
Come into agreement with me that I would be healed.

441
00:27:39.060 --> 00:27:42.340
And perhaps their parent passed away of that disease

442
00:27:42.340 --> 00:27:45.960
or their child or something

443
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:48.260
where they don't have a lot of faith for that.

444
00:27:49.380 --> 00:27:50.740
Just because people are married

445
00:27:50.740 --> 00:27:52.260
doesn't mean that they have a lot of faith

446
00:27:52.260 --> 00:27:53.660
for you to be married.

447
00:27:53.660 --> 00:27:55.800
You know, some people are not happily married.

448
00:27:55.800 --> 00:27:57.740
Maybe secretly inside of their heart,

449
00:27:57.740 --> 00:27:59.060
they're wondering why you wouldn't

450
00:27:59.060 --> 00:28:01.180
just enjoy your single life.

451
00:28:01.180 --> 00:28:03.300
You know, there's a lot of different things going on there,

452
00:28:03.300 --> 00:28:06.340
and so if you wanna hear more about praying

453
00:28:06.340 --> 00:28:08.340
and praying in faith and praying in agreement,

454
00:28:08.340 --> 00:28:10.280
come to Faith Friday tomorrow,

455
00:28:10.280 --> 00:28:12.700
because David's not only gonna allow you guys

456
00:28:12.700 --> 00:28:16.500
to ask for prayer about breakthrough that you need,

457
00:28:16.500 --> 00:28:19.420
but he's also going to allow whoever has faith

458
00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:22.980
for that breakthrough and believes for that breakthrough,

459
00:28:22.980 --> 00:28:24.940
because maybe they've seen that kind of breakthrough

460
00:28:24.940 --> 00:28:27.260
many times in the past to come into agreement,

461
00:28:27.260 --> 00:28:28.620
the prayer of agreement,

462
00:28:28.620 --> 00:28:29.900
because it's not about what God can do,

463
00:28:29.900 --> 00:28:31.460
it's about what we believe he can do.

464
00:28:31.460 --> 00:28:32.780
And you guys, I don't know if you've noticed,

465
00:28:32.780 --> 00:28:35.620
but I have faith for you to be married.

466
00:28:36.580 --> 00:28:38.020
And that is why I do what I do,

467
00:28:38.020 --> 00:28:40.740
and that's why we have so much radical breakthrough,

468
00:28:40.740 --> 00:28:43.300
because I have supernatural faith in this area,

469
00:28:43.300 --> 00:28:46.620
and faith is what brings miracles.

470
00:28:46.620 --> 00:28:48.340
So you guys, do not be discouraged

471
00:28:48.340 --> 00:28:50.660
when you go to ask someone to pray for you,

472
00:28:50.660 --> 00:28:55.140
and they start saying something that's discouraging.

473
00:28:55.140 --> 00:28:57.060
Instead of just sitting there and being like,

474
00:28:57.060 --> 00:29:00.820
oh, and coming into agreement with their discouragement,

475
00:29:00.820 --> 00:29:03.140
you can just stop and say, hey, you know what?

476
00:29:03.140 --> 00:29:05.500
I'm sorry, I should have asked you first,

477
00:29:05.500 --> 00:29:08.660
hey, do you have faith for me to be married?

478
00:29:08.660 --> 00:29:09.740
That's what you should ask someone

479
00:29:09.740 --> 00:29:10.900
instead of praying for them,

480
00:29:10.900 --> 00:29:12.300
instead of asking them to pray for you.

481
00:29:12.300 --> 00:29:15.180
You should say, hey, do you have faith for me to be healed?

482
00:29:15.180 --> 00:29:16.260
Hey, do you have faith for me

483
00:29:16.260 --> 00:29:17.780
to have a financial breakthrough?

484
00:29:17.780 --> 00:29:19.900
Hey, do you have faith for me to be married?

485
00:29:19.900 --> 00:29:22.340
Because if they say, yes, I believe that,

486
00:29:22.340 --> 00:29:25.180
then say, then agree with me and let's pray together

487
00:29:25.180 --> 00:29:26.700
because I need this breakthrough.

488
00:29:26.700 --> 00:29:28.380
That's what you should do.

489
00:29:28.380 --> 00:29:30.060
Okay, thank you so much.

490
00:29:30.060 --> 00:29:30.900
You're welcome.

491
00:29:30.900 --> 00:29:31.900
It's a good subject.

492
00:29:31.900 --> 00:29:33.860
And tomorrow on Faith Friday, you guys,

493
00:29:33.860 --> 00:29:35.620
my husband has the gift of faith.

494
00:29:35.620 --> 00:29:37.740
Do you know that there's a gift of faith?

495
00:29:37.740 --> 00:29:39.940
And my husband actually has the ministry of faith.

496
00:29:39.940 --> 00:29:43.980
He has the gift of faith, which is sometimes annoying,

497
00:29:43.980 --> 00:29:44.820
I gotta be honest,

498
00:29:44.820 --> 00:29:48.180
because I can't even like sort of complain to him

499
00:29:48.180 --> 00:29:50.780
about anything because he has the gift of faith.

500
00:29:50.780 --> 00:29:51.980
And then he'll just be like,

501
00:29:51.980 --> 00:29:53.740
well, let's come into agreement for breakthrough.

502
00:29:53.740 --> 00:29:55.180
And then he'll start quoting a scripture

503
00:29:55.180 --> 00:29:57.500
about that thing that I'm complaining about.

504
00:29:57.500 --> 00:29:59.340
I'm like, blah, stop it.

505
00:29:59.340 --> 00:30:00.180
Okay.

506
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.200
So, um, but he does have the gift of faith and you knew who else has it?

507
00:30:04.200 --> 00:30:04.920
His mother.

508
00:30:04.920 --> 00:30:08.800
So it's kind of like the book of Timothy, where Paul says to Timothy, you have this

509
00:30:08.800 --> 00:30:12.520
gift that was in your mother and in your grandmother.

510
00:30:13.080 --> 00:30:16.720
And so my husband has this gift that was in his mother and you know, who else has

511
00:30:16.720 --> 00:30:16.880
it?

512
00:30:17.040 --> 00:30:18.360
Our son has it.

513
00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:21.000
So my son, Jaron also has the gift of faith.

514
00:30:21.000 --> 00:30:29.280
So it's beautiful, but I have faith, radical supernatural faith for you to meet

515
00:30:29.280 --> 00:30:30.000
your spirit mate.

516
00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:31.600
All right.

517
00:30:31.760 --> 00:30:36.040
And I have a lot of faith for, um, healed relationships and healed families.

518
00:30:36.360 --> 00:30:37.080
Um, why?

519
00:30:37.080 --> 00:30:38.120
Because I've seen it.

520
00:30:38.280 --> 00:30:39.760
So I've experiential faith.

521
00:30:39.760 --> 00:30:41.400
I've seen it way too many times.

522
00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:44.520
So you can't show up and tell me that it can't happen because I've already seen it

523
00:30:44.520 --> 00:30:47.360
happen hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times.

524
00:30:47.560 --> 00:30:52.720
And so my faith is based on experience with God and my husband's faith in those

525
00:30:52.720 --> 00:30:54.560
areas is based on a gift.

526
00:30:54.600 --> 00:30:56.000
So there's some difference there.

527
00:30:56.320 --> 00:31:00.040
So somebody has seen whatever it is that you need breakthrough in.

528
00:31:00.040 --> 00:31:04.040
Someone has seen it happen and God will put you in proximity to that person so

529
00:31:04.040 --> 00:31:05.440
they can come into agreement with you.

530
00:31:06.120 --> 00:31:06.640
Okay.

531
00:31:06.840 --> 00:31:07.480
Sound good.

532
00:31:07.680 --> 00:31:08.400
Thank you, Rhonda.

533
00:31:08.880 --> 00:31:10.280
All right, Margaret, you're up.

534
00:31:12.200 --> 00:31:19.440
Hey, so my question is in regards to, um, I, I'm, uh, I started talking with

535
00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:24.040
someone, uh, and I just came about that.

536
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:29.920
He doesn't agree with, um, theological, but he was willing to just like shelf it

537
00:31:29.920 --> 00:31:32.560
and say, you know, I don't, it's not a deal breaker kind of thing.

538
00:31:33.040 --> 00:31:35.800
How, like, what do you do when?

539
00:31:36.280 --> 00:31:36.560
Okay.

540
00:31:36.560 --> 00:31:39.640
So Margaret, I just have to ask you, what is it that he doesn't agree with?

541
00:31:39.640 --> 00:31:44.480
Like no sex before that I'm charismatic, that I believe in the prophetic he's

542
00:31:44.480 --> 00:31:46.520
like, um, he's old school traditional.

543
00:31:47.120 --> 00:31:47.480
Okay.

544
00:31:47.800 --> 00:31:52.240
Well, first of all, friends and the, all of you came through phase two.

545
00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:55.640
So all of you should have gotten this answer from the curriculum in phase two.

546
00:31:55.880 --> 00:31:59.920
You might've missed it, but people don't have to come from the same

547
00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:02.320
denominational background as you.

548
00:32:02.800 --> 00:32:07.600
They just have to be open to allowing you to express your spirituality.

549
00:32:07.600 --> 00:32:10.000
However you want to express it.

550
00:32:10.520 --> 00:32:10.720
Yeah.

551
00:32:10.720 --> 00:32:16.040
And I, I'm in agreement with that, but what do I do when I want to be

552
00:32:16.080 --> 00:32:20.680
passionate and excited and like, and engage together with that person?

553
00:32:21.120 --> 00:32:23.360
So I guess that's my only thing.

554
00:32:24.320 --> 00:32:29.720
Well, I guess that's not your person then, because if you don't have grace for them

555
00:32:29.720 --> 00:32:34.200
to possibly grow into those things, if you want someone who's already there,

556
00:32:34.200 --> 00:32:38.160
like exactly like rolling in the gold dust and speaking in tongues and, you

557
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:41.360
know, going out and praying for people's legs to grow out or whatever your thing

558
00:32:41.360 --> 00:32:47.200
is, if that's what you want, then you, you should probably, you know, marry that.

559
00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:49.640
Like if that, if you're not going to, if you're not going to be able to deal with

560
00:32:49.640 --> 00:32:54.800
anyone less than like a lesser than whatever gift set, I personally believe

561
00:32:54.800 --> 00:32:57.360
that fruit inspecting is better than gift inspecting.

562
00:32:57.680 --> 00:33:01.600
I would rather have someone who has relationship with Jesus has the fruit of

563
00:33:01.600 --> 00:33:04.760
the spirit than someone who is charismatically my twin.

564
00:33:05.840 --> 00:33:06.360
I agree.

565
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:06.760
I agree.

566
00:33:06.760 --> 00:33:07.560
And I thank you for that.

567
00:33:07.600 --> 00:33:08.000
Thank you.

568
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:09.120
That was a really good insight.

569
00:33:09.120 --> 00:33:09.520
Thank you.

570
00:33:09.840 --> 00:33:10.400
You're welcome.

571
00:33:10.440 --> 00:33:10.760
Okay.

572
00:33:10.760 --> 00:33:15.400
Susan, you're up and you guys, just so you don't, just in case you don't know

573
00:33:15.400 --> 00:33:19.400
what the fruit of the spirit is, it's love and joy and peace and patience.

574
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:22.520
Go read Galatians, go take a look at it.

575
00:33:22.600 --> 00:33:23.520
All right, go ahead, Susan.

576
00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:24.880
Hey Jackie.

577
00:33:24.920 --> 00:33:27.320
Um, by the way, your hair looks fire today.

578
00:33:27.400 --> 00:33:27.960
Oh my gosh.

579
00:33:28.000 --> 00:33:29.360
I got to tell you guys about this.

580
00:33:29.360 --> 00:33:33.400
First of all, I got approved to be an Amazon influencer.

581
00:33:33.960 --> 00:33:35.120
If you guys don't know what that is.

582
00:33:35.520 --> 00:33:36.560
And it's so fun for me.

583
00:33:36.560 --> 00:33:39.560
Cause remember how I used to do all the videos of Jackie's favorite things?

584
00:33:39.560 --> 00:33:43.400
Like I've been doing that all my life, like sharing my favorite stuff and my

585
00:33:43.400 --> 00:33:47.080
friend group, I'm known as the Guinea pig that will try the stuff

586
00:33:47.320 --> 00:33:48.640
and then tell people about it.

587
00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:53.680
And you guys, this is the Dyson dupe air wrap situation.

588
00:33:54.080 --> 00:33:58.200
You can get them anywhere from $59 to $129 and I'll put them

589
00:33:58.200 --> 00:33:59.480
on my Amazon store for you.

590
00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:03.960
But look at this volume from this and it doesn't damage your hair.

591
00:34:03.960 --> 00:34:05.760
It curls your hair with air.

592
00:34:06.280 --> 00:34:07.240
I'm going to tell you all about it.

593
00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:08.719
A lot of people can't afford the Dyson.

594
00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:13.520
That's 600 buckaroonies, but these dupes, these ones that are like the

595
00:34:13.520 --> 00:34:15.960
fakes of it made in China, I'm sure.

596
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:17.440
But I'm sure the Dyson is as well.

597
00:34:17.840 --> 00:34:19.760
Um, they work really well.

598
00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:23.320
So my Amazon storefront is going to be going up this weekend.

599
00:34:23.320 --> 00:34:24.960
And so go check out my face.

600
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:26.880
Cause you guys know that I'm not going to put anything up there.

601
00:34:26.880 --> 00:34:28.280
That's not amazing.

602
00:34:28.560 --> 00:34:29.600
So go check it out.

603
00:34:29.600 --> 00:34:32.520
If you want to tell people what to buy you for Christmas.

604
00:34:32.560 --> 00:34:33.040
Okay.

605
00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:33.639
All right.

606
00:34:33.639 --> 00:34:36.199
Thank you, Susan, for, for saying that about my hair.

607
00:34:37.239 --> 00:34:38.120
What's your question?

608
00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:42.400
Um, I'm also stoked about your Amazon store because when you did my favorite

609
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:47.440
things, like last year or two years ago, I literally worked on transcribing

610
00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:49.480
your whole thing all day long.

611
00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:51.560
I'm not kidding.

612
00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:55.560
And I went out and I bought like three quarters of everything you listed, but

613
00:34:55.560 --> 00:34:59.960
it took all freaking day to like listen to the video and write everything.

614
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.800
and so I'm stoked.

615
00:35:01.800 --> 00:35:03.300
You guys, thank you so much.

616
00:35:03.300 --> 00:35:04.140
I love that.

617
00:35:04.140 --> 00:35:05.320
And for all of you menopause ladies,

618
00:35:05.320 --> 00:35:06.400
I'm gonna have a bunch of stuff on there.

619
00:35:06.400 --> 00:35:07.960
Guys, plug your ears,

620
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:09.600
but there's gonna be so many things.

621
00:35:09.600 --> 00:35:10.440
Okay.

622
00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:11.260
I couldn't find your bra thing too,

623
00:35:11.260 --> 00:35:12.100
but that's another,

624
00:35:12.100 --> 00:35:13.680
well, we'll talk another time.

625
00:35:13.680 --> 00:35:15.520
I will pin that there.

626
00:35:15.520 --> 00:35:17.100
I will pin that.

627
00:35:17.100 --> 00:35:18.880
Gentlemen, la, la, la, la.

628
00:35:18.880 --> 00:35:19.720
Okay.

629
00:35:19.720 --> 00:35:21.080
Oh, whatever.

630
00:35:21.080 --> 00:35:22.020
They're grownups.

631
00:35:23.040 --> 00:35:23.880
So my question-

632
00:35:23.880 --> 00:35:24.920
That's a weird thing though.

633
00:35:24.920 --> 00:35:25.880
That's a weird,

634
00:35:25.880 --> 00:35:27.600
that thing specifically is weird.

635
00:35:27.600 --> 00:35:28.440
I know, yeah.

636
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:30.560
Every time I pack it in my suitcase

637
00:35:30.560 --> 00:35:33.480
and I get tagged by TSA for them to open it,

638
00:35:33.480 --> 00:35:36.220
it literally looks like S&M stuff.

639
00:35:36.220 --> 00:35:37.320
All right, keep going.

640
00:35:40.120 --> 00:35:40.960
It does.

641
00:35:40.960 --> 00:35:42.720
It looks like a contraption.

642
00:35:42.720 --> 00:35:43.560
It looks like-

643
00:35:44.840 --> 00:35:46.400
Okay, go ahead.

644
00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:47.760
Okay, okay.

645
00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:50.440
So I met this guy on Hinge

646
00:35:50.440 --> 00:35:53.240
and we chatted on the phone,

647
00:35:53.240 --> 00:35:54.440
hit it off.

648
00:35:54.440 --> 00:35:58.280
He kind of checked all the boxes superficially,

649
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:00.720
not gonna get into everything,

650
00:36:00.720 --> 00:36:03.400
but on our first conversation,

651
00:36:03.400 --> 00:36:08.400
I noticed that he shared a lot,

652
00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:10.240
very deep and personal things.

653
00:36:10.240 --> 00:36:14.760
And me, that's not a good thing for me.

654
00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:17.560
I don't like going deep too fast.

655
00:36:17.560 --> 00:36:19.800
It triggers me.

656
00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:22.480
It makes me like run in the opposite direction.

657
00:36:22.480 --> 00:36:25.320
And frankly, I don't think it's very healthy.

658
00:36:25.320 --> 00:36:29.880
So when I felt I could interrupt,

659
00:36:29.880 --> 00:36:33.080
I said, hey, could we just press the pause on this

660
00:36:33.080 --> 00:36:35.440
and maybe revisit this conversation

661
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:37.960
when we meet face-to-face,

662
00:36:37.960 --> 00:36:39.440
when we get to know each other better?

663
00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:44.440
And he came back with a reply that I found interesting

664
00:36:45.600 --> 00:36:50.240
and was like, I just don't want you to come at me

665
00:36:50.240 --> 00:36:53.360
at a later date because I've withheld information from you.

666
00:36:53.360 --> 00:36:56.480
And that, I kind of put that on the back burner.

667
00:36:56.480 --> 00:37:00.760
So I guess what is your feelings on oversharing

668
00:37:00.760 --> 00:37:02.520
and how do we negotiate that?

669
00:37:02.520 --> 00:37:04.320
And what does that look like?

670
00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:06.280
So first of all, everybody,

671
00:37:06.280 --> 00:37:08.880
depending on what they're oversharing, it's a yellow flag.

672
00:37:08.880 --> 00:37:09.760
It's not a red flag

673
00:37:09.760 --> 00:37:12.160
because some people's personalities are just deep.

674
00:37:12.160 --> 00:37:14.360
They have a hard time with small talk.

675
00:37:14.360 --> 00:37:15.680
They have a hard time with chitchat.

676
00:37:15.680 --> 00:37:19.200
They just don't know how to be a surface level person, okay?

677
00:37:19.200 --> 00:37:21.560
My son's girlfriend is like that.

678
00:37:21.560 --> 00:37:23.400
She goes deep and she goes deep fast

679
00:37:23.400 --> 00:37:25.080
and you're like, whoa.

680
00:37:25.080 --> 00:37:26.520
But it's her personality.

681
00:37:26.520 --> 00:37:28.200
She's not an unhealthy person.

682
00:37:28.200 --> 00:37:29.320
It's her personality.

683
00:37:29.320 --> 00:37:31.080
And so it's not just about going deep.

684
00:37:31.080 --> 00:37:33.720
It's about what they're sharing when they're going deep.

685
00:37:33.720 --> 00:37:36.160
A lot of people feel like,

686
00:37:36.160 --> 00:37:38.160
and it sounds like this guy is one of them,

687
00:37:38.160 --> 00:37:40.920
that they have to sort of put all their cards on the table

688
00:37:40.920 --> 00:37:45.920
because they don't want you to feel like they deceived you,

689
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:49.160
especially if they have been divorced

690
00:37:50.120 --> 00:37:53.800
and their former spouse has issues

691
00:37:53.800 --> 00:37:58.040
and they feel like they have to basically air

692
00:37:58.040 --> 00:38:00.760
all of their semi-dirty laundry

693
00:38:00.760 --> 00:38:03.040
in order for them to feel like

694
00:38:03.040 --> 00:38:05.520
they are not leading you forward into something

695
00:38:05.520 --> 00:38:08.280
that after you find that out in three or four dates,

696
00:38:08.280 --> 00:38:10.080
you're gonna be like, ugh.

697
00:38:10.080 --> 00:38:13.080
So they're putting their worst foot forward

698
00:38:13.080 --> 00:38:14.760
instead of their best foot

699
00:38:14.760 --> 00:38:17.200
in order to give you an opportunity to run away

700
00:38:17.200 --> 00:38:18.160
if you want to.

701
00:38:20.160 --> 00:38:21.000
Okay.

702
00:38:21.000 --> 00:38:22.800
The stuff that he shared, was it?

703
00:38:23.800 --> 00:38:25.120
It was intense.

704
00:38:25.120 --> 00:38:29.880
It was about his ex-wife and her sexual addictions.

705
00:38:29.880 --> 00:38:32.520
And it was too much, too fast.

706
00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:34.760
And you know what?

707
00:38:34.760 --> 00:38:36.680
I gave him grace,

708
00:38:36.680 --> 00:38:39.200
but as we continued to get to know each other,

709
00:38:39.200 --> 00:38:44.200
that aspect of him kept coming up,

710
00:38:45.240 --> 00:38:48.240
being threaded through all of our conversations.

711
00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:53.000
And it just kind of weighed heavy on my heart after a while.

712
00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:55.480
And there were other things.

713
00:38:57.000 --> 00:39:00.000
I ended up cutting it off.

714
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:02.800
The Holy Spirit gave me a couple of words about that.

715
00:39:04.200 --> 00:39:05.040
Yeah.

716
00:39:05.040 --> 00:39:06.960
So I just wanted to know,

717
00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:09.800
how do you navigate that kind of stuff?

718
00:39:09.800 --> 00:39:10.880
Yeah.

719
00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:12.320
Yeah.

720
00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:14.840
So you're saying that you're not talking to him anymore?

721
00:39:14.840 --> 00:39:15.680
I'm not.

722
00:39:15.680 --> 00:39:16.760
Okay.

723
00:39:16.760 --> 00:39:17.600
Yeah.

724
00:39:18.280 --> 00:39:19.640
And here's the other thing is that

725
00:39:19.640 --> 00:39:23.880
when someone starts talking about their own addictions

726
00:39:23.880 --> 00:39:27.080
or specifically sexual addictions or someone else's,

727
00:39:27.080 --> 00:39:28.640
sometimes, not always,

728
00:39:28.640 --> 00:39:32.480
but sometimes that's just a fishing expedition

729
00:39:32.480 --> 00:39:37.480
to see how much sexual conversation can be had.

730
00:39:37.600 --> 00:39:42.600
And not always, but more times than I'd like to count.

731
00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:46.960
And so it's also important that we are aware of that

732
00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:50.840
and we're not naive that when someone breaks open the can

733
00:39:50.840 --> 00:39:54.560
of that type of conversation, that anything might come out.

734
00:39:54.560 --> 00:39:57.640
And so we have to really be careful with that.

735
00:39:57.640 --> 00:39:58.480
Okay.

736
00:39:58.480 --> 00:39:59.520
So it sounds like.

737
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.800
You're God defended and that Holy Spirit showed you what you needed to do.

738
00:40:05.800 --> 00:40:09.720
But you guys, this is one of those situations where we can't make a hard, fast rule about

739
00:40:09.720 --> 00:40:15.720
it because once again, like my son's girlfriend, some people are just deep people that want

740
00:40:15.720 --> 00:40:19.560
to talk about deep things and they don't know how to be surface.

741
00:40:19.560 --> 00:40:21.880
Some people, they're just nervous.

742
00:40:21.880 --> 00:40:26.620
I will tell you that I've even seen people that they're divorced and they're really ashamed

743
00:40:26.620 --> 00:40:29.560
of being divorced because they've been told all their lives that they're not supposed

744
00:40:29.560 --> 00:40:34.420
to get divorced and so now they're talking about their divorce and they're talking about

745
00:40:34.420 --> 00:40:39.400
their former spouse and they're talking about what happened because they still feel guilty

746
00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:43.380
or ashamed of it because they have a religious consciousness about it.

747
00:40:43.380 --> 00:40:44.380
I've seen that happen to you.

748
00:40:44.380 --> 00:40:45.380
Those are not bad people.

749
00:40:45.380 --> 00:40:49.300
Those are people that are trying to process this because now they're out in the dating

750
00:40:49.300 --> 00:40:53.660
world again that they never thought they'd be back out here and they have this, what

751
00:40:53.660 --> 00:40:58.260
they consider, you know, nasty baggage with them of being divorced.

752
00:40:58.260 --> 00:41:01.080
And so there's all different types of things happening.

753
00:41:01.080 --> 00:41:03.680
Feel that?

754
00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:07.520
So you have to be discerning, you guys, and hopefully we're teaching you guys how to be

755
00:41:07.520 --> 00:41:08.520
discerning.

756
00:41:08.520 --> 00:41:12.960
The only time that we're not discerning is when we have our own filters and blind spots,

757
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:19.640
our own fear-based thinking that's causing us to see what's not there, okay, whether

758
00:41:19.640 --> 00:41:20.980
good or bad.

759
00:41:20.980 --> 00:41:25.120
And so we want to make sure that we continue to clean off the heart lens so that we can

760
00:41:25.120 --> 00:41:30.100
meet people where they are and we're not going to judge them, but we're going to discern

761
00:41:30.100 --> 00:41:32.180
what's really happening.

762
00:41:32.180 --> 00:41:36.260
And sometimes it will be a deal breaker and sometimes it won't because we can see that

763
00:41:36.260 --> 00:41:37.540
they have a good heart.

764
00:41:37.540 --> 00:41:41.300
They're just in a transition or they're just an oversharer.

765
00:41:41.300 --> 00:41:45.060
It doesn't make them a horrible person, okay?

766
00:41:45.060 --> 00:41:50.380
It's important that we don't try to put people in, it's either all in or all out.

767
00:41:50.380 --> 00:41:55.000
There's different degrees of things and it might work for you.

768
00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:59.140
And so it's important to continue to get to know someone unless it's a hard pass for some

769
00:41:59.140 --> 00:42:00.140
reason.

770
00:42:00.140 --> 00:42:04.840
And for Susan, it was a yes until it became a no and it became a no and now she's moved

771
00:42:04.840 --> 00:42:06.160
on.

772
00:42:06.160 --> 00:42:10.920
It was also the Halloween onesie that he wore for trick-or-treaters that kind of pushed

773
00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:12.720
me over the edge a little bit, but-

774
00:42:12.720 --> 00:42:14.680
Wait, wait, wait, what?

775
00:42:14.680 --> 00:42:15.680
Yeah.

776
00:42:15.820 --> 00:42:21.580
He likes to dress up for his trick-or-treaters and had this little onesie costume and I was

777
00:42:21.580 --> 00:42:22.580
just-

778
00:42:22.580 --> 00:42:26.580
When you say a onesie costume, like, okay, it's like a footed pajamas costume?

779
00:42:26.580 --> 00:42:27.580
Yes.

780
00:42:27.580 --> 00:42:29.140
Well, what was it of though?

781
00:42:29.140 --> 00:42:34.960
It was of that Disney character, like from Toy Story, Woody with the hat and the little

782
00:42:34.960 --> 00:42:36.460
holster gun thing and-

783
00:42:36.460 --> 00:42:37.460
Aw.

784
00:42:37.460 --> 00:42:38.460
I don't know.

785
00:42:38.460 --> 00:42:40.700
Too cheesy for you?

786
00:42:40.700 --> 00:42:41.700
Yeah.

787
00:42:41.700 --> 00:42:42.700
Don't do that.

788
00:42:42.700 --> 00:42:43.700
Yeah.

789
00:42:43.700 --> 00:42:44.700
No.

790
00:42:44.720 --> 00:42:47.820
If you're a cultured woman, you know, you're a cultured woman.

791
00:42:47.820 --> 00:42:53.480
You're a sophisticated woman and you want a sophisticated, cultured man.

792
00:42:53.480 --> 00:42:54.480
The Woody thing is cute.

793
00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:55.480
No.

794
00:42:55.480 --> 00:42:56.480
It's cute.

795
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:57.620
A lot of people would like that.

796
00:42:57.620 --> 00:43:01.960
A lot of people would be like, oh, he's fun, but for you, it's like, it's an ick.

797
00:43:01.960 --> 00:43:03.280
You got an ick from it.

798
00:43:03.280 --> 00:43:04.280
Yeah.

799
00:43:04.280 --> 00:43:05.280
I did.

800
00:43:05.280 --> 00:43:06.280
Yeah.

801
00:43:06.280 --> 00:43:07.560
There was a few, a few dozen icks.

802
00:43:07.560 --> 00:43:08.560
I tried.

803
00:43:08.560 --> 00:43:09.560
I tried.

804
00:43:09.560 --> 00:43:10.560
I went with it.

805
00:43:10.560 --> 00:43:11.560
I walked through it.

806
00:43:11.560 --> 00:43:12.560
But thanks to you-

807
00:43:12.560 --> 00:43:13.560
It wasn't just one ick.

808
00:43:13.560 --> 00:43:14.560
It was a few dozen.

809
00:43:14.620 --> 00:43:18.540
It was a few dozen icks, but I knew I was God defended thanks to you.

810
00:43:18.540 --> 00:43:19.540
So thanks, Jackie.

811
00:43:19.540 --> 00:43:20.540
Yes.

812
00:43:20.540 --> 00:43:22.940
Miss you and hope to see you soon.

813
00:43:22.940 --> 00:43:23.940
Yes.

814
00:43:23.940 --> 00:43:27.060
I will be out in your area in a few weeks.

815
00:43:27.060 --> 00:43:31.420
And so hopefully I'll have some spare time and post in the group so you guys can find

816
00:43:31.420 --> 00:43:32.420
me.

817
00:43:32.420 --> 00:43:33.420
Where's Waldo?

818
00:43:33.420 --> 00:43:34.420
We'll see.

819
00:43:34.420 --> 00:43:35.420
Okay.

820
00:43:35.420 --> 00:43:36.420
Okay.

821
00:43:36.420 --> 00:43:41.020
So Susan, Julie, Julie K., what do you got for me?

822
00:43:44.560 --> 00:43:52.220
Guys, everybody's different.

823
00:43:52.220 --> 00:43:58.260
I want, I want you to, I want you to put in the chat a thumbs up if you would have thought

824
00:43:58.260 --> 00:44:04.140
that the, all the other stuff aside, but just the Woody onesie, that that would have been

825
00:44:04.140 --> 00:44:05.740
funny or fun to you.

826
00:44:05.740 --> 00:44:09.820
Put a thumbs up in the chat if you would have thought that was cute or funny, just that,

827
00:44:09.820 --> 00:44:10.880
not all the other stuff.

828
00:44:10.880 --> 00:44:13.300
Because remember, she didn't just make a decision based on that.

829
00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:17.440
That was like the final ick that broke the, the icky Campbell's back.

830
00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:18.440
All right.

831
00:44:18.440 --> 00:44:23.080
All you have to do is put a thumbs up.

832
00:44:23.080 --> 00:44:24.640
You don't have to put anything else.

833
00:44:24.640 --> 00:44:27.880
We don't care about your throw up that we just thumbs up.

834
00:44:27.880 --> 00:44:30.400
If yes, that's all.

835
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:31.400
That's all.

836
00:44:31.400 --> 00:44:32.400
Okay.

837
00:44:32.400 --> 00:44:33.400
All right.

838
00:44:33.400 --> 00:44:41.480
So I was just, I'm just trying to emphasize different strokes for different folks.

839
00:44:41.480 --> 00:44:42.480
That's all.

840
00:44:42.660 --> 00:44:43.660
Okay.

841
00:44:43.660 --> 00:44:44.660
Julie Kay, unmute yourself.

842
00:44:44.660 --> 00:44:45.660
Ask your question.

843
00:44:45.660 --> 00:44:50.460
Are you having trouble on muting yourself?

844
00:44:50.460 --> 00:44:51.460
Cause you're not unmuted.

845
00:44:51.460 --> 00:44:52.460
Okay.

846
00:44:52.460 --> 00:44:53.460
Okay.

847
00:44:53.460 --> 00:44:54.460
Hi.

848
00:44:54.460 --> 00:44:55.460
Hi.

849
00:44:55.460 --> 00:44:56.460
Hi.

850
00:44:56.460 --> 00:44:57.460
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.

851
00:44:57.460 --> 00:44:58.460
Okay.

852
00:44:58.460 --> 00:44:59.460
Hi.

853
00:44:59.460 --> 00:45:00.460
Hi.

854
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.560
dating for almost six months. I, I'm just, I'm a little bit, I

855
00:45:00.460 --> 00:45:01.460
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.

856
00:45:01.460 --> 00:45:02.460
Okay.

857
00:45:02.460 --> 00:45:03.460
Hi.

858
00:45:03.460 --> 00:45:04.460
Hi.

859
00:45:04.460 --> 00:45:05.460
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.

860
00:45:05.460 --> 00:45:06.460
Okay.

861
00:45:06.460 --> 00:45:07.460
Hi.

862
00:45:07.460 --> 00:45:08.460
Hi.

863
00:45:07.560 --> 00:45:10.800
don't know, confused about the relationship. Like, I try to

864
00:45:08.460 --> 00:45:09.460
Um, so, uh, the guy video is on.

865
00:45:09.460 --> 00:45:10.460
Okay.

866
00:45:10.460 --> 00:45:11.460
Hi.

867
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:18.440
talk to him about it. I asked him where we were, like, where

868
00:45:11.460 --> 00:45:12.460
Hi.

869
00:45:18.440 --> 00:45:21.800
we were, and he was, and he just turns the question back on me,

870
00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:24.760
well, how do you feel about things? And I'm like, well, I

871
00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:28.040
feel I feel good about things in general, but I'm still like,

872
00:45:28.040 --> 00:45:32.760
not. Julie, Julie, you're not there. We can't hear you. Oh,

873
00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:34.880
can you hear me now?

874
00:45:38.560 --> 00:45:43.480
Can you guys hear her? I can hear. Yes, we can hear. Yes, I

875
00:45:43.480 --> 00:45:50.000
can. Oh, it's mine. It's me. Hold on. Hold on. Thumbs up.

876
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:59.280
Let me turn off my camera. See if that helps. Okay, can you

877
00:45:59.280 --> 00:46:01.920
hear me? I can hear you now. I just had to turn my camera off.

878
00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:05.400
All right, go ahead. Oh, okay. All right. So I was just saying

879
00:46:05.400 --> 00:46:08.880
like, I, we've been dating for six months, and I try to get

880
00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:12.400
clarity about where we are. But then he'll turn it back to me

881
00:46:12.400 --> 00:46:16.560
like, well, where do you think that we are? And I'm like, and

882
00:46:17.120 --> 00:46:20.080
I'll say something like I, I'm happy, generally happy with

883
00:46:20.080 --> 00:46:27.520
things, but I'm not like, 100% sure about, like about us. But I

884
00:46:27.520 --> 00:46:33.120
mean, things are going well. And we're exclusive. And we've

885
00:46:33.120 --> 00:46:38.800
established that. And I think I would want him to ask me to be

886
00:46:39.040 --> 00:46:43.560
his girlfriend. But I don't I don't want to ask for that.

887
00:46:43.560 --> 00:46:47.320
Should I ask for that? Okay, so here's the thing. The thing is,

888
00:46:47.320 --> 00:46:51.480
is that if you're exclusive, how did you become exclusive?

889
00:46:51.480 --> 00:46:53.720
Because exclusive means boyfriend and girlfriend?

890
00:46:54.280 --> 00:46:59.640
Yeah. Um, it was a series of conversations, but they were

891
00:46:59.640 --> 00:47:06.120
kind of vague, in my opinion, like, um, and he asked me, he

892
00:47:06.120 --> 00:47:09.480
told me he was off of the apps, and then asked if I was off of

893
00:47:09.480 --> 00:47:18.600
the apps. And I said, I wasn't talking to anyone else. So yeah,

894
00:47:18.600 --> 00:47:19.400
that that's that.

895
00:47:20.760 --> 00:47:23.800
Okay. And so how many months? How long ago was that

896
00:47:23.800 --> 00:47:26.280
conversation? How long have you been exclusive for?

897
00:47:27.720 --> 00:47:29.160
Uh, probably about two months.

898
00:47:30.200 --> 00:47:33.160
Okay. So here's the thing. This man thinks you're his

899
00:47:33.160 --> 00:47:36.680
girlfriend. Okay. He's not asking you to be his girlfriend

900
00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:41.000
because he thinks you are his girlfriend. Okay. And so all of

901
00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:45.960
this, like super defining, confirming certainty type of

902
00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:49.720
conversations. A lot of men don't know that they're supposed

903
00:47:49.720 --> 00:47:55.400
to do that. Okay. So I guarantee you, I can't tell you how many

904
00:47:55.400 --> 00:47:58.600
women I've had this conversation with. I'm like, hey, you're

905
00:47:58.600 --> 00:48:00.760
waiting for him to ask you to be his girlfriend, but he thinks

906
00:48:00.760 --> 00:48:04.440
you already are. Okay. And so because of that, I mean, are you

907
00:48:04.440 --> 00:48:05.560
guys are you guys kissing?

908
00:48:07.400 --> 00:48:12.200
Uh, that that's another thing. There's been a few kisses, like

909
00:48:12.200 --> 00:48:17.400
just brief kisses, like when we leave a date, just like a small

910
00:48:17.400 --> 00:48:24.440
kiss. The last time I saw him, I told him that I he was, he was

911
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:26.760
saying that I should tell him if there's anything bothering me.

912
00:48:26.760 --> 00:48:30.120
And I said, Well, I feel like there's a lack of physical

913
00:48:30.120 --> 00:48:33.720
affection. And I, like, that's kind of how I feel loved a lot

914
00:48:33.720 --> 00:48:36.200
of the time. And I'm like, I'm just asking for just like little

915
00:48:36.200 --> 00:48:39.640
touches and stuff. And he was like, Oh, okay. And he like,

916
00:48:39.640 --> 00:48:45.160
corrected it immediately. After that. Not correct. Yeah, he was

917
00:48:45.160 --> 00:48:49.640
responsive. So that's good. So what exactly is the question

918
00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:54.200
here? Because it sounds like this guy is, you know, trying to

919
00:48:54.200 --> 00:48:57.080
navigate this, he's trying to give you what you want. He's

920
00:48:57.080 --> 00:49:00.040
being, you know, he's asking you, how do you feel? What do

921
00:49:00.120 --> 00:49:03.960
you want? You know, what can I do better? Those are all really

922
00:49:03.960 --> 00:49:10.280
positive things. So if you want more, ask for more.

923
00:49:11.400 --> 00:49:17.640
Okay. Okay. Yeah. Um, I think I'm just, I think I overthink

924
00:49:17.640 --> 00:49:22.040
things in general. And I'm just like, is this the right

925
00:49:22.040 --> 00:49:25.560
relationship for me? I'm wanting him to, I'm wanting him to like

926
00:49:25.560 --> 00:49:29.000
lead more than he does. But I don't know if it's his in his

927
00:49:29.000 --> 00:49:32.520
personality. But you're, but you're, listen, but you're,

928
00:49:32.520 --> 00:49:36.440
you're only six months into a relationship. And you've only

929
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:39.240
two months into exclusivity in the relationship. Don't you

930
00:49:39.240 --> 00:49:41.560
think it's a little too early to judge his leadership?

931
00:49:43.400 --> 00:49:49.400
We maybe? Yeah. I mean, yeah. So when you say lead more, like

932
00:49:49.400 --> 00:49:53.240
what plan dates, you know, initiate contact physically,

933
00:49:53.240 --> 00:49:54.520
like, what are you talking about?

934
00:49:55.480 --> 00:49:59.800
Yeah, both of those things. He does plan dates, he waits, he

935
00:49:59.800 --> 00:49:59.960
waits.

936
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.840
It's until like, I don't know, a weekend date.

937
00:50:02.840 --> 00:50:05.560
He'll wait until Thursday to plan, which isn't too bad.

938
00:50:05.820 --> 00:50:11.160
I mean, I'm more of a planner, but, um, uh, this is what's called

939
00:50:11.160 --> 00:50:12.360
complimentary opposites.

940
00:50:12.360 --> 00:50:14.600
There's always a person in the relationship.

941
00:50:14.600 --> 00:50:17.280
That's more organized plans ahead.

942
00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:19.280
The other person's more spontaneous.

943
00:50:19.600 --> 00:50:20.400
Um, that's good.

944
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:21.300
That's a good mix.

945
00:50:21.580 --> 00:50:25.940
And so really what I'm hearing in my heart for you, Julie, is that you need to,

946
00:50:25.940 --> 00:50:30.420
instead of sitting around and waiting for him to just luck upon doing the right

947
00:50:30.420 --> 00:50:31.980
thing, that's going to make you happy.

948
00:50:32.260 --> 00:50:37.560
You need to, without nagging, you need to be able to communicate to him what it is

949
00:50:37.560 --> 00:50:39.240
that you need and want in relationship.

950
00:50:39.260 --> 00:50:40.100
And I agree with you.

951
00:50:40.100 --> 00:50:41.420
You are overthinking this.

952
00:50:42.580 --> 00:50:46.740
And I want to tell you people that overthink in relationship, especially

953
00:50:46.740 --> 00:50:49.220
new relationship, we call them anxious attachers.

954
00:50:50.460 --> 00:50:50.740
Okay.

955
00:50:50.740 --> 00:50:54.420
So I see, I see a little anxious attachment coming out in you.

956
00:50:54.820 --> 00:50:55.140
Yeah.

957
00:50:55.140 --> 00:50:56.340
Like, is he the right person?

958
00:50:56.340 --> 00:50:59.060
Well, first of all, you don't know him well enough to know whether or

959
00:50:59.060 --> 00:51:00.460
not you would marry him.

960
00:51:01.180 --> 00:51:03.660
Um, but he does sound teachable.

961
00:51:03.980 --> 00:51:04.260
Okay.

962
00:51:04.260 --> 00:51:07.180
He sounds like he's open hearted.

963
00:51:07.180 --> 00:51:09.020
It sounds like he wants to please you.

964
00:51:09.020 --> 00:51:11.140
These are all green flags.

965
00:51:11.980 --> 00:51:12.340
Yeah.

966
00:51:12.620 --> 00:51:13.700
He also is respect.

967
00:51:13.700 --> 00:51:15.340
He's trying to respect boundaries.

968
00:51:15.780 --> 00:51:17.100
You're like, touch me more.

969
00:51:17.420 --> 00:51:20.260
And he's like, I'm trying to be a gentleman, you know?

970
00:51:20.580 --> 00:51:22.220
Um, you're just like, no, no, no.

971
00:51:22.260 --> 00:51:23.620
Touch me, touch me more.

972
00:51:23.900 --> 00:51:24.260
Okay.

973
00:51:24.340 --> 00:51:26.420
So be specific with that.

974
00:51:27.180 --> 00:51:27.500
Yeah.

975
00:51:27.660 --> 00:51:31.220
Um, so yeah, so love languages are different.

976
00:51:31.460 --> 00:51:34.820
And so I think it'd be fun for you guys to kind of talk about that.

977
00:51:34.820 --> 00:51:38.220
Maybe take a love language quiz, you know, like what do you guys do on your dates?

978
00:51:39.660 --> 00:51:44.140
Um, go out to eat, talk, hike, take his dog for walks.

979
00:51:44.700 --> 00:51:45.260
Yeah.

980
00:51:45.340 --> 00:51:45.620
Yeah.

981
00:51:45.660 --> 00:51:46.100
Okay.

982
00:51:46.300 --> 00:51:49.580
So it'd be fun to like, you know, do a little, do a little personality

983
00:51:49.580 --> 00:51:51.420
test or do a little love language test.

984
00:51:51.420 --> 00:51:54.700
And it can kind of open the door to have some more of these

985
00:51:54.820 --> 00:51:56.940
awkward conversations in a fun way.

986
00:51:58.180 --> 00:51:58.660
Okay.

987
00:51:58.980 --> 00:51:59.500
Okay.

988
00:51:59.660 --> 00:51:59.860
All right.

989
00:51:59.860 --> 00:52:01.460
Try that and report back.

990
00:52:01.860 --> 00:52:02.300
Okay.

991
00:52:02.540 --> 00:52:02.860
All right.

992
00:52:03.700 --> 00:52:04.340
You're welcome.

993
00:52:04.660 --> 00:52:05.620
All right, Brian, you're up.

994
00:52:05.860 --> 00:52:06.180
Okay.

995
00:52:06.180 --> 00:52:07.500
Go after him or no.

996
00:52:08.380 --> 00:52:08.620
Yeah.

997
00:52:08.620 --> 00:52:08.860
Yeah.

998
00:52:08.860 --> 00:52:13.220
You're who's who's it's me.

999
00:52:13.260 --> 00:52:13.540
Okay.

1000
00:52:13.580 --> 00:52:13.980
Hunter.

1001
00:52:13.980 --> 00:52:14.340
Yes.

1002
00:52:14.340 --> 00:52:14.980
Quickly.

1003
00:52:15.020 --> 00:52:15.980
What is your question?

1004
00:52:16.180 --> 00:52:17.540
Uh, actually you let him go.

1005
00:52:17.540 --> 00:52:19.340
I, I, mine's going to be a little bro.

1006
00:52:19.340 --> 00:52:23.460
It's going to talk about how I went with this woman and I X, I wanted to ask you

1007
00:52:23.460 --> 00:52:27.180
quite, I'm going to sell a whole story and then I'll ask you how I have to have

1008
00:52:27.180 --> 00:52:32.540
the question be really short because we only have 40, we only have 20 more

1009
00:52:32.540 --> 00:52:37.100
minutes or not 20, we have 15 more minutes and so quick backstory.

1010
00:52:37.140 --> 00:52:38.220
And then what's the question.

1011
00:52:38.820 --> 00:52:39.220
All right.

1012
00:52:39.420 --> 00:52:42.940
So what happens is I develop a social understanding.

1013
00:52:42.980 --> 00:52:45.140
I had a female coworker that I met at work.

1014
00:52:45.300 --> 00:52:47.740
At first it was a level one relationship.

1015
00:52:47.780 --> 00:52:49.260
She was physically attractive.

1016
00:52:49.260 --> 00:52:51.740
Also, and short dark air.

1017
00:52:51.820 --> 00:52:54.300
I did something that made my relationship go deeper.

1018
00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:57.060
I used to go to girls and ask questions about whether they're

1019
00:52:57.060 --> 00:52:58.500
not getting a reply in return.

1020
00:52:58.700 --> 00:53:00.780
I could wallow in self-pity, but I didn't.

1021
00:53:00.780 --> 00:53:04.380
Instead, I thought of looking at it from what they would feel.

1022
00:53:04.500 --> 00:53:07.260
What I do is go to her and interact in a way that'll make them feel like

1023
00:53:07.260 --> 00:53:11.220
they're special and ask myself, do I want this to happen for me before work?

1024
00:53:11.220 --> 00:53:14.580
Me, I would chat with her as a means of connecting to know her as a person,

1025
00:53:14.580 --> 00:53:18.380
like intimacy and real, the best version of me after every morning, she would

1026
00:53:18.380 --> 00:53:20.540
have, we'd wave good morning layer.

1027
00:53:20.540 --> 00:53:25.020
Our company was going on a good field trip, good night field trip to Jersey.

1028
00:53:25.020 --> 00:53:29.540
And we were asked on a bus and decide to be one is been self hoping

1029
00:53:29.540 --> 00:53:30.700
insurance should be on the bus.

1030
00:53:30.700 --> 00:53:32.620
Just sit back and wait to see if she'll go.

1031
00:53:32.820 --> 00:53:35.300
I was anticipating what she would do and read the situation.

1032
00:53:35.540 --> 00:53:39.500
She'd come on the same bus and across from me on the way there was, we were

1033
00:53:39.500 --> 00:53:43.500
chatting and the bus driver said, be quiet when we got off, she called

1034
00:53:43.500 --> 00:53:44.340
the bus driver names.

1035
00:53:44.340 --> 00:53:45.460
I told her I disagree.

1036
00:53:45.460 --> 00:53:48.260
She's just trying to do a job and it needs to focus.

1037
00:53:49.020 --> 00:53:53.060
I told her I have on my mind, I'm sticking to my own company and she plays.

1038
00:53:53.060 --> 00:53:54.340
I like the way you think.

1039
00:53:54.580 --> 00:53:58.340
I think to summarize, she found me more attractive, maybe physically or mentally.

1040
00:53:58.340 --> 00:54:02.380
So I said half the time, the event with her on the bus back, we chose a different

1041
00:54:02.380 --> 00:54:06.540
bus and got on the same bus, me being with younger men, I'm 10 years her senior.

1042
00:54:06.660 --> 00:54:08.140
She went to sit next to me.

1043
00:54:08.260 --> 00:54:11.580
I was attracted also to the fact that she's wearing good apparel, like a

1044
00:54:11.580 --> 00:54:13.540
black underarm T shirt and jeans.

1045
00:54:13.660 --> 00:54:16.940
My struggle to overcome on the way back was to get physical.

1046
00:54:16.980 --> 00:54:20.340
I didn't get physical for multiple reasons before the situation was the

1047
00:54:20.340 --> 00:54:24.740
reason first was because I always relied on because she would scream and feel

1048
00:54:24.740 --> 00:54:29.020
uncomfortable and get turned off and would lead to severe social repercussions of her.

1049
00:54:29.820 --> 00:54:30.180
Okay.

1050
00:54:30.180 --> 00:54:30.500
Okay.

1051
00:54:30.500 --> 00:54:33.620
Hunter, I appreciate that you wrote this out, but what is the question?

1052
00:54:33.620 --> 00:54:35.380
I think I get the gist of what's going on here.

1053
00:54:35.380 --> 00:54:36.260
What's your question?

1054
00:54:36.460 --> 00:54:39.740
Did I, did I execute the whole thing?

1055
00:54:39.740 --> 00:54:40.060
Right.

1056
00:54:40.060 --> 00:54:41.140
The whole trip and everything.

1057
00:54:41.140 --> 00:54:41.500
Right.

1058
00:54:42.140 --> 00:54:44.540
Well, I mean, I think that you've grown a lot, Hunter.

1059
00:54:44.540 --> 00:54:48.420
I really do as from being in the program and just taking advice.

1060
00:54:48.420 --> 00:54:52.060
And I think that you're definitely on the right track, going the right direction.

1061
00:54:52.540 --> 00:54:56.620
Um, my concern is, is that, you know, some of the girls that maybe you're talking

1062
00:54:56.620 --> 00:54:59.980
to are a little bit too immature still sounds like this girl's pretty.

1063
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.000
immature. She is 10 years younger than you. I do think that it's good that, you know,

1064
00:55:06.000 --> 00:55:09.760
you're not getting physical with someone that you work with, first of all. Don't think that's

1065
00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:17.040
a good idea at all. Okay? Another thing, I developed three other reasons. One is to get

1066
00:55:17.040 --> 00:55:20.320
physical, that's the wrong right approach. The wrong is because you get turned on because of

1067
00:55:20.320 --> 00:55:24.720
lust and can't resolve. Right is when you want her to feel want and respect. Get physical when

1068
00:55:24.720 --> 00:55:29.040
you're excluding this intimacy and she wants. Six, I was able to read her body language and

1069
00:55:29.040 --> 00:55:33.360
social cues and didn't give it off. Later she asked, what's on your mind? I asked her about

1070
00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:37.200
physical. Well, at first she was a fan, so I helped to escape. I explained that I came to

1071
00:55:37.200 --> 00:55:42.880
see with a woman while I was young. I was immature and I sat next to her and basically told her I

1072
00:55:42.880 --> 00:55:47.760
got older and mature and I able to it and saying, see next to a woman is a social privilege. So I

1073
00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:52.800
got to maintain. Okay. Well, like I said, I think that you are definitely growing.

1074
00:55:53.360 --> 00:55:59.120
Um, it sounds like there's some neurodivergence with this girl as well with, you know, just the

1075
00:55:59.120 --> 00:56:05.280
bus driver incident and all the things. And so, um, I really want to encourage you to continue

1076
00:56:05.280 --> 00:56:10.880
to allow the people that you do life with in person to weigh in on these situations because

1077
00:56:10.880 --> 00:56:18.000
they see you in action more than we do. Um, but, um, it sounds like you had self-control and I

1078
00:56:18.000 --> 00:56:24.640
think that that's a good thing. And so, um, if there's no, if there's no human resources report

1079
00:56:24.640 --> 00:56:30.320
about you after this incident, then I think you're doing good. And, um, and, uh, you know,

1080
00:56:30.320 --> 00:56:35.120
hopefully I don't, I don't, I don't know what your rules are at your work, but usually you're

1081
00:56:35.120 --> 00:56:40.160
not allowed to fraternize with other employees. So, well, I just know that if I got physical

1082
00:56:40.160 --> 00:56:44.000
work and social repercussions are going to happen, that's what kept me all these years,

1083
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:49.920
but I just had three because of ways to reinforce it against all the more reason to not to. And so

1084
00:56:49.920 --> 00:56:54.640
my way of looking for a wife, I think there's an appropriate and not appropriately. I try to

1085
00:56:54.640 --> 00:57:00.880
execute the appropriate way that I am. Yes. And thank you, Hunter. Yes, that's all good. Thank

1086
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:06.320
you. I agree with you. Definitely good. And on the right track and going forward. Okay. We just

1087
00:57:06.320 --> 00:57:10.880
have a few more minutes. So let's just take a couple more real quick. You guys got to be really

1088
00:57:10.880 --> 00:57:15.920
fast. Um, Brian, you were up next. I think that we'll take a couple of guys because there were

1089
00:57:15.920 --> 00:57:22.320
guys waiting. We'll take Brian. We'll take George. I think he was waiting. Go ahead, Brian. Okay. Um,

1090
00:57:22.960 --> 00:57:29.360
hi, how's it going? It's going good. So, uh, something that has come up, I've been on some

1091
00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:34.240
dates and just like just talking to different, different girls trying to get to know, get to

1092
00:57:34.240 --> 00:57:42.080
know people and see where it goes as a man, where do I draw this line between being accommodating

1093
00:57:42.080 --> 00:57:48.720
and then losing myself? Like as far as like personality things or does that question make

1094
00:57:48.720 --> 00:57:54.240
sense? Um, yeah, it really, it does make sense, especially for nice guys. Um, and, and good girls.

1095
00:57:54.240 --> 00:57:59.360
So, you know, how far do we go in the relationship of kind of doing and being what the other person

1096
00:57:59.360 --> 00:58:05.280
wants us to do and be without like being untrue to who we are. Sure. Right. And I think that at

1097
00:58:05.280 --> 00:58:10.160
the very beginning, everyone's sort of putting their foot, their best foot forward and just,

1098
00:58:10.720 --> 00:58:16.240
you know, um, just being very, like you said, accommodating and really preferring the other

1099
00:58:16.240 --> 00:58:21.120
person. I think it's a little bit further in relationship where we start to exercise some

1100
00:58:21.120 --> 00:58:27.920
more of our own wants and desires. Sure. Yeah. Okay. No, that, yeah, that, that makes sense.

1101
00:58:28.240 --> 00:58:33.200
I'm just trying to find this balance between like, okay, this girl might have a preference of this

1102
00:58:33.200 --> 00:58:37.520
kind of guy, but I'm not a hundred percent that kind of guy. So I don't really want to like act

1103
00:58:37.520 --> 00:58:43.760
outside of myself and who I am as a person. I just want to be myself. I like myself. I want to be

1104
00:58:43.760 --> 00:58:49.120
myself a hundred percent of the time. So what I'm trying to figure out is okay. Like what are the

1105
00:58:49.120 --> 00:58:54.640
things, I guess, what are the things that can be negotiable? Let's give some examples so people

1106
00:58:54.640 --> 00:58:59.600
know. So for instance, say someone invites you on a date ladies, and they want to take you to a

1107
00:58:59.600 --> 00:59:04.080
soccer game. Well, you don't particularly like soccer, but you like them. And so you go to the

1108
00:59:04.080 --> 00:59:08.960
soccer game. Now that's not saying that you're a soccer girl now. It's just saying that you want

1109
00:59:08.960 --> 00:59:14.400
to hang out with them and you want to do things that they like to do too. But the trade-off would

1110
00:59:14.400 --> 00:59:20.240
be that now they do something that maybe they don't regularly choose to do or like to do that

1111
00:59:20.240 --> 00:59:27.920
you like to do. So these are important trade-offs in marriage. On our anniversary the other day,

1112
00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:31.840
I went with my husband to the golf course and I watched him hit golf balls because

1113
00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:38.960
he likes to show off for me. And I don't really like to go to the golfing range,

1114
00:59:38.960 --> 00:59:43.360
but I did it because he likes it. And he likes for me to watch him liking it.

1115
00:59:43.920 --> 00:59:50.400
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So, but you guys never, never fake like,

1116
00:59:50.400 --> 00:59:55.680
you know, don't, don't, don't be a fake. Be yourself, like yourself the way Brian likes

1117
00:59:55.680 --> 00:59:58.800
himself. Be Brian. Okay. In the way of that.

1118
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.180
Because if you're like pretending to love something

1119
01:00:04.180 --> 01:00:06.680
because you wanna win someone over,

1120
01:00:06.680 --> 01:00:09.900
that's not true, that's not real, don't do that.

1121
01:00:09.900 --> 01:00:11.620
It's better for you to just be like,

1122
01:00:11.620 --> 01:00:13.260
hey, you know, I'm not really into that,

1123
01:00:13.260 --> 01:00:15.540
but sure, I'd love to go with you.

1124
01:00:15.540 --> 01:00:17.920
Be honest about what you like and what you don't like

1125
01:00:17.920 --> 01:00:19.460
and who you are and who you're not.

1126
01:00:19.460 --> 01:00:21.380
Someone put in the chat, I think it was Steph K,

1127
01:00:21.380 --> 01:00:23.540
who said, girlfriend, boyfriend

1128
01:00:23.540 --> 01:00:25.820
doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity.

1129
01:00:25.820 --> 01:00:27.880
I don't know in what world it doesn't.

1130
01:00:27.880 --> 01:00:29.800
So if you feel like you have to have

1131
01:00:29.800 --> 01:00:32.600
a more defining conversation with someone

1132
01:00:32.600 --> 01:00:34.720
that you're dating that has made you

1133
01:00:34.720 --> 01:00:36.320
their boyfriend or girlfriend,

1134
01:00:36.320 --> 01:00:39.200
that they don't have other boyfriends and girlfriends,

1135
01:00:39.200 --> 01:00:41.500
then go ahead and have that conversation.

1136
01:00:41.500 --> 01:00:43.800
But once again, that's odd.

1137
01:00:43.800 --> 01:00:45.040
And I don't think that that person

1138
01:00:45.040 --> 01:00:49.220
is showing good moral value because in every world,

1139
01:00:49.220 --> 01:00:52.000
in every culture, a boyfriend and a girlfriend

1140
01:00:52.000 --> 01:00:55.240
is an exclusive relationship, okay?

1141
01:00:55.240 --> 01:00:57.240
It's an exclusive relationship.

1142
01:00:57.240 --> 01:01:01.720
Dating is not, but boyfriend, girlfriend is.

1143
01:01:01.720 --> 01:01:03.800
So let's make sure if you feel like

1144
01:01:03.800 --> 01:01:05.120
you have to define that with them,

1145
01:01:05.120 --> 01:01:07.480
that you're also asking them why

1146
01:01:07.480 --> 01:01:11.320
that would need to be defined even more than that, okay?

1147
01:01:11.320 --> 01:01:12.760
I think that George was up.

1148
01:01:12.760 --> 01:01:13.880
George, go ahead.

1149
01:01:16.000 --> 01:01:17.480
Hi, can you hear me?

1150
01:01:17.480 --> 01:01:18.440
Yes.

1151
01:01:18.440 --> 01:01:19.400
Hi, thank you.

1152
01:01:20.360 --> 01:01:22.680
I was divorced about two and a half years ago

1153
01:01:22.680 --> 01:01:26.440
and recently just got out of a relationship

1154
01:01:27.360 --> 01:01:30.160
and so since my divorce, I've not really dated.

1155
01:01:30.160 --> 01:01:33.000
I've had one girlfriend, but have gone on a couple of dates

1156
01:01:33.000 --> 01:01:36.280
and I believe I've read somewhere, Jack,

1157
01:01:36.280 --> 01:01:37.640
where you've talked about,

1158
01:01:39.720 --> 01:01:42.380
like if you get back out there at some point in time,

1159
01:01:42.380 --> 01:01:43.520
just get back into the, I guess,

1160
01:01:43.520 --> 01:01:45.080
quote unquote dating scene, if you will,

1161
01:01:45.080 --> 01:01:47.160
that about maybe going on dates

1162
01:01:47.160 --> 01:01:51.240
with more than one person, I believe.

1163
01:01:51.240 --> 01:01:52.840
I think you've talked about maybe going on

1164
01:01:52.840 --> 01:01:54.360
like maybe two or three dates

1165
01:01:55.200 --> 01:01:58.440
and can you explain a little bit more about that?

1166
01:01:58.440 --> 01:02:01.320
Because to me, if I'm talking to more than,

1167
01:02:01.320 --> 01:02:02.480
let's just say the down the road,

1168
01:02:02.480 --> 01:02:06.000
I do this and I talk to, you know, start talking.

1169
01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:07.880
I can't, it's like I have a hard time thinking

1170
01:02:07.880 --> 01:02:10.040
that I could talk to two women at the same time

1171
01:02:10.040 --> 01:02:12.140
because to me, I feel like I'd be cheating.

1172
01:02:13.960 --> 01:02:14.800
Yes.

1173
01:02:14.800 --> 01:02:16.320
Like what is she talking about?

1174
01:02:16.320 --> 01:02:17.880
So the fact that you just got out

1175
01:02:17.880 --> 01:02:21.280
of a long-term relationship, just right out of one,

1176
01:02:21.280 --> 01:02:22.800
I would definitely give you the advice

1177
01:02:22.840 --> 01:02:25.480
that you should be healing and not dating right now.

1178
01:02:25.480 --> 01:02:27.600
There isn't any, there's no scenario

1179
01:02:27.600 --> 01:02:31.140
in which we are with someone for a length of time

1180
01:02:31.140 --> 01:02:33.080
and then for whatever reason we break up,

1181
01:02:33.080 --> 01:02:36.600
that there isn't stuff that we need to unpack with that.

1182
01:02:36.600 --> 01:02:40.700
And then secondly, raise your hand if,

1183
01:02:40.700 --> 01:02:43.440
because there's a lot of us that are over 40 here

1184
01:02:43.440 --> 01:02:45.360
and I feel like we all come from a generation

1185
01:02:45.360 --> 01:02:49.280
where, you know, you're just,

1186
01:02:50.040 --> 01:02:53.280
you're not dating, you're in relationships.

1187
01:02:53.280 --> 01:02:54.520
So you're a relationship,

1188
01:02:54.520 --> 01:02:57.640
you just jumped from relationship to relationship.

1189
01:02:57.640 --> 01:02:58.480
And the problem with that

1190
01:02:58.480 --> 01:03:01.440
is you don't ever really get to know yourself, okay?

1191
01:03:01.440 --> 01:03:02.520
You don't get to know yourself.

1192
01:03:02.520 --> 01:03:05.960
Dating allows you to get to know yourself and others.

1193
01:03:05.960 --> 01:03:07.080
Say it with me.

1194
01:03:07.080 --> 01:03:09.760
We get to get to know ourselves and others.

1195
01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:11.240
Just like what I was just saying to Brian,

1196
01:03:11.240 --> 01:03:13.720
we get to know what we like and what we don't like,

1197
01:03:13.720 --> 01:03:15.320
who we are and who we're not,

1198
01:03:15.320 --> 01:03:18.600
what we want and what we don't want in dating.

1199
01:03:19.520 --> 01:03:22.620
If you just pick someone

1200
01:03:22.620 --> 01:03:25.040
and then you try to make a relationship

1201
01:03:25.040 --> 01:03:26.880
out of that connection,

1202
01:03:26.880 --> 01:03:28.720
then you're going to be in that,

1203
01:03:28.720 --> 01:03:30.200
you're going to be trying to make that work,

1204
01:03:30.200 --> 01:03:31.960
you're going to be changing yourself

1205
01:03:31.960 --> 01:03:33.160
to try to make that work.

1206
01:03:33.160 --> 01:03:34.080
And the same with them,

1207
01:03:34.080 --> 01:03:37.600
just trying to figure out how to make that puzzle piece fit

1208
01:03:37.600 --> 01:03:39.880
because you're in a relationship now.

1209
01:03:40.740 --> 01:03:45.440
Instead of allowing yourself to, you know,

1210
01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:48.480
see what else is out there

1211
01:03:48.480 --> 01:03:50.400
that maybe be a better fit,

1212
01:03:50.400 --> 01:03:52.320
that you don't have to maybe work as hard

1213
01:03:52.320 --> 01:03:55.880
or work at like a job in order to make it,

1214
01:03:55.880 --> 01:03:57.520
you know, to make it work.

1215
01:03:57.520 --> 01:03:59.160
Does that make sense to you guys?

1216
01:04:00.040 --> 01:04:04.420
Okay, so I want you to think of dating unromantically.

1217
01:04:04.420 --> 01:04:06.200
And it's going to be hard for you that are over 40.

1218
01:04:06.200 --> 01:04:07.400
It's going to be difficult for you

1219
01:04:07.400 --> 01:04:09.800
to think of it unromantically.

1220
01:04:09.800 --> 01:04:13.120
In our generation, a date was always a romantic situation.

1221
01:04:13.120 --> 01:04:16.000
It was always a romantic scenario.

1222
01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:18.760
Someone asked you on a date, they must like you.

1223
01:04:18.760 --> 01:04:20.080
Are they going to kiss you or not kiss you

1224
01:04:20.080 --> 01:04:21.600
at the end of this date?

1225
01:04:21.600 --> 01:04:24.480
You know, it's a romantic equation,

1226
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:28.560
but it's not in this day that we live in.

1227
01:04:28.560 --> 01:04:30.280
We have to get to know folks.

1228
01:04:31.760 --> 01:04:36.560
We don't have the luxury of being in communities.

1229
01:04:36.560 --> 01:04:38.120
And that's what we're trying to rebuild here

1230
01:04:38.120 --> 01:04:39.460
with Last Year Single,

1231
01:04:39.460 --> 01:04:42.800
where we get to be around people a lot.

1232
01:04:42.800 --> 01:04:44.600
And then when they ask us on a date,

1233
01:04:44.600 --> 01:04:46.480
we already know everything about them

1234
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:48.800
because we've been around them a lot in community.

1235
01:04:48.800 --> 01:04:50.020
And we know whether or not

1236
01:04:50.020 --> 01:04:51.800
we will be romantically attracted to them.

1237
01:04:51.800 --> 01:04:53.720
And we get to say yes or no based on that.

1238
01:04:53.720 --> 01:04:56.300
Because remember, it's a romantic equation

1239
01:04:56.300 --> 01:04:57.920
if it's that kind of date.

1240
01:04:57.920 --> 01:04:59.800
These are more meetups.

1241
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.720
This is you just getting to know some people, getting to see what they're like, getting

1242
01:05:05.720 --> 01:05:10.200
to see what their life is like, seeing if there's chemistry and synergy, seeing if there's

1243
01:05:10.200 --> 01:05:11.500
compatibility.

1244
01:05:11.500 --> 01:05:14.380
That is what we're doing here, okay?

1245
01:05:14.380 --> 01:05:18.820
And so to answer George's question, I do think that healing instead of dating is important

1246
01:05:18.820 --> 01:05:21.180
after a long-term breakup.

1247
01:05:21.180 --> 01:05:27.380
But when you are ready to get back out there, it is not cheating unless you're being romantic

1248
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:30.140
with all of your dates.

1249
01:05:30.140 --> 01:05:32.740
If you're being romantic with all of your dates, what does that look like?

1250
01:05:32.740 --> 01:05:39.220
That means expressing to them how much you like them and how excited you are to see them

1251
01:05:39.220 --> 01:05:41.180
and how much you miss them.

1252
01:05:41.180 --> 01:05:49.060
So verbally, like escalating the relationship to an emotional bond, physically escalating

1253
01:05:49.060 --> 01:05:53.460
by holding their hand or putting your arm around them, you know, going in for the kiss.

1254
01:05:53.460 --> 01:05:59.980
Yeah, you can't do that with more than one person at a time and you shouldn't, okay?

1255
01:05:59.980 --> 01:06:04.180
But if you're just hanging out, enjoying each other, getting to know each other, like Paul

1256
01:06:04.180 --> 01:06:09.220
talked about, going antique shopping, maybe going to the driving range, going to a soccer

1257
01:06:09.220 --> 01:06:14.740
game, having fun, seeing what that person's like around their community and their friends

1258
01:06:14.740 --> 01:06:15.740
and your friends.

1259
01:06:15.740 --> 01:06:19.860
And, you know, and then when you start to have romantic feelings about them and you

1260
01:06:19.860 --> 01:06:26.100
can tell that they do too, then you can go into a more romantic dating scenario.

1261
01:06:26.100 --> 01:06:27.100
Cool?

1262
01:06:27.100 --> 01:06:28.100
Yeah.

1263
01:06:28.100 --> 01:06:29.100
Thank you, Jackie.

1264
01:06:29.100 --> 01:06:34.100
I hope, I hope that's helpful.

1265
01:06:34.100 --> 01:06:35.540
Okay.

1266
01:06:35.540 --> 01:06:38.060
We had another guy on here who wanted to talk real quick.

1267
01:06:38.060 --> 01:06:39.060
We have five minutes left.

1268
01:06:39.060 --> 01:06:42.060
Andy, Allen Park, Michigan, you're up.

1269
01:06:42.060 --> 01:06:43.060
Hi.

1270
01:06:43.060 --> 01:06:44.060
Hi.

1271
01:06:44.060 --> 01:06:52.620
So I had a question based on, well, what the last lady was saying about like being

1272
01:06:52.620 --> 01:06:56.460
with the guy who like, she wanted him to be leading more.

1273
01:06:56.460 --> 01:06:57.460
Well, I have that trouble.

1274
01:06:57.460 --> 01:07:03.220
I, I've been told in a lot of my past relationships that I don't lead enough and I don't really

1275
01:07:03.220 --> 01:07:04.220
know what that means.

1276
01:07:04.220 --> 01:07:07.500
I don't know what, what I feel like, well, what does she want from me?

1277
01:07:07.500 --> 01:07:12.980
Like I think I'm just being me, I think I'm being okay, like I don't see why I need to

1278
01:07:12.980 --> 01:07:19.580
be more like, like really, really, really strong, like choleric leadership personality.

1279
01:07:19.580 --> 01:07:25.780
I don't think that it's necessarily, it's necessary to be a choleric or to be a, you

1280
01:07:25.780 --> 01:07:31.140
know, um, to be a D on the disc or whatever, you know, whatever personality test you want

1281
01:07:31.140 --> 01:07:32.660
to fill in the blank.

1282
01:07:32.660 --> 01:07:40.860
But some women want a man to make all the decisions and doesn't sound like that would

1283
01:07:40.860 --> 01:07:42.140
be a match for you.

1284
01:07:42.300 --> 01:07:43.300
Okay.

1285
01:07:43.300 --> 01:07:44.580
There, that's not all women.

1286
01:07:44.580 --> 01:07:45.580
Okay.

1287
01:07:45.580 --> 01:07:46.580
It's not me.

1288
01:07:46.580 --> 01:07:48.060
I don't, I don't want that.

1289
01:07:48.060 --> 01:07:50.020
Um, raise your hand ladies.

1290
01:07:50.020 --> 01:07:58.300
If you are the kind of woman who expects the man to drive the car, okay, that's a, that's

1291
01:07:58.300 --> 01:08:01.100
a metaphor all the time.

1292
01:08:01.100 --> 01:08:04.100
Like you're expecting him to lead, like you're expecting him to have the answers.

1293
01:08:04.100 --> 01:08:06.180
You're expecting him to know what to do.

1294
01:08:06.180 --> 01:08:11.080
You're expecting him to take care of the hard things, make the hard decisions.

1295
01:08:11.080 --> 01:08:15.060
If you're one of those women, that's going to be expecting him to, you know, spiritually

1296
01:08:15.060 --> 01:08:17.880
have the answers and know what God's doing or saying.

1297
01:08:17.880 --> 01:08:23.080
If you are one of those ladies, let's see your hands.

1298
01:08:23.080 --> 01:08:26.240
Okay.

1299
01:08:26.240 --> 01:08:28.279
Janine is admitting, Hey, I'm one of those ladies.

1300
01:08:28.279 --> 01:08:30.080
I'm looking for that.

1301
01:08:30.080 --> 01:08:33.640
Kim is looking for that.

1302
01:08:33.640 --> 01:08:35.000
Kelly's looking for that.

1303
01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:36.840
Shana's looking for that.

1304
01:08:37.840 --> 01:08:43.080
Tameka, you notice that there's a lot of ladies that don't have their hand up.

1305
01:08:43.080 --> 01:08:45.359
Okay.

1306
01:08:45.359 --> 01:08:48.200
Half a hand, 75% of a hand.

1307
01:08:48.200 --> 01:08:49.200
Okay.

1308
01:08:49.200 --> 01:08:52.439
So we have, so we have a handful of ladies get it a handful.

1309
01:08:52.439 --> 01:08:58.880
We have a handful of ladies that have their hands up and, and so it's important for us

1310
01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:03.960
as we're getting to know people at the beginning to find out, you know, what do they think

1311
01:09:03.960 --> 01:09:04.960
marriage looks like?

1312
01:09:05.080 --> 01:09:07.279
What do they think romantic relationship looks like?

1313
01:09:07.279 --> 01:09:11.800
What do they think are the gender roles of the men and women in relationship?

1314
01:09:11.800 --> 01:09:17.720
And so Andy, you're going to be looking for someone who is more of a, a team player.

1315
01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:21.040
You know, someone who's going to let you show up to the table with your strengths and they're

1316
01:09:21.040 --> 01:09:24.160
going to show up with their strengths and you guys are going to collaborate with each

1317
01:09:24.160 --> 01:09:25.160
other.

1318
01:09:25.160 --> 01:09:32.160
Now, all of us women want masculine men, but what is masculine is different to every woman.

1319
01:09:33.160 --> 01:09:40.640
Ladies, I would like for you to help the guys and put in the chat what you think personally

1320
01:09:40.640 --> 01:09:46.720
is masculine, what you're looking for, like as far as like what you need to have in the

1321
01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:47.720
masculine.

1322
01:09:47.720 --> 01:09:48.720
Okay.

1323
01:09:48.720 --> 01:09:50.720
Define that for guys.

1324
01:09:50.720 --> 01:09:51.720
All right.

1325
01:09:51.720 --> 01:09:55.480
I will define it for me.

1326
01:09:55.480 --> 01:09:57.520
I like a meek man.

1327
01:09:57.520 --> 01:09:58.520
What is that?

1328
01:09:58.880 --> 01:09:59.880
What is masculine?

1329
01:09:59.880 --> 01:10:00.880
What is masculine?

1330
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.960
Meekness is not weakness.

1331
01:10:00.880 --> 01:10:00.880


1332
01:10:02.960 --> 01:10:08.180
So a man, I believe Jesus was like this, you know, a man who is strong, but his, but his

1333
01:10:08.180 --> 01:10:11.800
strength is under his self-control.

1334
01:10:11.800 --> 01:10:16.240
He's strong, but he's not going to use his power to overpower me.

1335
01:10:16.240 --> 01:10:17.240
You know what I'm saying?

1336
01:10:17.240 --> 01:10:24.260
He's going to use his power to protect me, he's going to use his power to protect others,

1337
01:10:24.260 --> 01:10:28.040
but he is not going to use it to overpower others or overpower me.

1338
01:10:28.040 --> 01:10:32.520
So he's, it's power under control, which is meekness to me.

1339
01:10:32.520 --> 01:10:37.280
So a meek man, a man who's willing to admit his faults, a man who's willing to ask for

1340
01:10:37.280 --> 01:10:41.160
help, not just from me, but from others.

1341
01:10:41.160 --> 01:10:45.260
A man who is wise and has self-control.

1342
01:10:45.260 --> 01:10:47.680
He shows wisdom.

1343
01:10:47.680 --> 01:10:50.560
He shows good common sense.

1344
01:10:50.560 --> 01:10:53.760
These are things that I like in a man.

1345
01:10:53.760 --> 01:10:56.440
So gentlemen, go ahead and see what the ladies are putting up.

1346
01:10:56.440 --> 01:10:57.800
So Andy, I just want to encourage you.

1347
01:10:57.800 --> 01:10:58.800
There's nothing wrong with you.

1348
01:10:58.800 --> 01:11:00.560
You're not broken.

1349
01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:07.080
You know, just like women, men are on a beautiful spectrum of masculinity.

1350
01:11:07.080 --> 01:11:09.720
Like women are on a beautiful spectrum of femininity.

1351
01:11:09.720 --> 01:11:11.560
One size does not fit all.

1352
01:11:11.560 --> 01:11:16.280
And I believe that God has a partner for each and every one of us, but we'll all grow.

1353
01:11:16.280 --> 01:11:18.160
We're all going to change in those relationships.

1354
01:11:18.160 --> 01:11:21.200
We're going to become better versions of ourselves.

1355
01:11:21.200 --> 01:11:22.200
We're not going to be passive.

1356
01:11:22.200 --> 01:11:23.200
I will say one thing.

1357
01:11:23.200 --> 01:11:28.680
I know that women do not like passivity in men.

1358
01:11:28.680 --> 01:11:33.280
Now, does that look like not taking the initiative or not leading?

1359
01:11:33.280 --> 01:11:35.960
It can to some women.

1360
01:11:35.960 --> 01:11:40.600
Some women like to see men just step up, take action, take charge.

1361
01:11:40.600 --> 01:11:45.880
When there's a problem, they begin to, you know, figure out how to solve it.

1362
01:11:45.880 --> 01:11:50.520
They're not going to just sit around, they're not going to just play video games and hope

1363
01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:52.480
the problem goes away.

1364
01:11:52.480 --> 01:11:58.760
You know, they're not going to make the problem worse by, you know, making more bad decisions

1365
01:11:58.760 --> 01:11:59.880
that feed into it.

1366
01:11:59.880 --> 01:12:06.240
No one's perfect, but I know that women do like men who are men of, you know, of action.

1367
01:12:06.240 --> 01:12:07.240
I do know that.

1368
01:12:07.240 --> 01:12:12.200
I think, um, I think I'm, I am good at taking action, but I like to be asked.

1369
01:12:12.200 --> 01:12:13.200
You like what?

1370
01:12:13.200 --> 01:12:14.200
Say that again.

1371
01:12:14.200 --> 01:12:15.200
I like to be, I like to be asked.

1372
01:12:15.200 --> 01:12:16.200
Okay.

1373
01:12:16.200 --> 01:12:21.120
I don't like to be expected to do something like, cause it's like, it's, it's like, well,

1374
01:12:21.120 --> 01:12:23.000
how the heck was I supposed to know to do that?

1375
01:12:23.000 --> 01:12:25.240
Like if you want something, you've got to ask for it.

1376
01:12:25.240 --> 01:12:26.240
That's kind of.

1377
01:12:26.240 --> 01:12:27.280
You know what?

1378
01:12:27.280 --> 01:12:28.280
You're not a mind reader.

1379
01:12:28.280 --> 01:12:32.500
And I a hundred percent agree with you ladies, please don't expect men to be mind readers.

1380
01:12:32.500 --> 01:12:34.440
This happened recently to one of my students.

1381
01:12:34.440 --> 01:12:35.440
Okay.

1382
01:12:35.440 --> 01:12:36.440
He's a great guy.

1383
01:12:36.440 --> 01:12:37.440
He's in his late twenties.

1384
01:12:37.440 --> 01:12:42.720
He's never really been in a very serious relationship before, and he is in a serious relationship.

1385
01:12:42.720 --> 01:12:45.040
So this is his first serious relationship.

1386
01:12:45.040 --> 01:12:47.240
They've been together for about four or five months.

1387
01:12:47.240 --> 01:12:48.720
Things have been going well.

1388
01:12:48.720 --> 01:12:49.720
Okay.

1389
01:12:49.720 --> 01:12:57.920
But all of a sudden she decided that he wasn't being romantic enough because one of her coworkers

1390
01:12:57.920 --> 01:13:01.480
was talking about her romantic boyfriend.

1391
01:13:01.480 --> 01:13:08.440
So she said to my client, my student, I want you to plan a date for us.

1392
01:13:08.440 --> 01:13:10.000
Okay.

1393
01:13:10.000 --> 01:13:13.480
And he planned a date and it wasn't good enough.

1394
01:13:13.480 --> 01:13:17.160
She was really disappointed afterwards because it didn't look like whatever her coworker

1395
01:13:17.160 --> 01:13:19.880
was telling her that her romantic boyfriend did.

1396
01:13:19.880 --> 01:13:23.880
And so I consider this very immature y'all what happens in this story.

1397
01:13:23.880 --> 01:13:29.440
So she says to my student, my client, she says, I'm going to need some time to process

1398
01:13:29.440 --> 01:13:33.600
because I don't know, you know, that we're right for each other because, you know, I,

1399
01:13:33.600 --> 01:13:35.760
I want things that you're not giving me.

1400
01:13:35.760 --> 01:13:39.920
Well, hello, tell me what those things are.

1401
01:13:39.920 --> 01:13:46.520
Don't just expect me to read your mind of what you consider romantic, ladies and gentlemen,

1402
01:13:46.520 --> 01:13:49.640
do not give people tests.

1403
01:13:49.640 --> 01:13:50.920
You know why?

1404
01:13:50.920 --> 01:13:56.920
Because it's not fair to take a test over information that you've not been taught.

1405
01:13:56.920 --> 01:13:59.440
Is it?

1406
01:13:59.440 --> 01:14:02.920
If you showed up in a classroom to take an important test, it was like a make it or break

1407
01:14:02.920 --> 01:14:06.240
it test, either pass and it was good or you failed.

1408
01:14:06.240 --> 01:14:07.240
It was going to be bad.

1409
01:14:07.240 --> 01:14:08.240
Okay.

1410
01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:10.120
It was a make it test, an important test.

1411
01:14:10.120 --> 01:14:14.360
You showed up in the classroom and the teacher handed you a test and all the questions on

1412
01:14:14.360 --> 01:14:17.400
the test you have never covered in class.

1413
01:14:17.400 --> 01:14:20.880
You have no idea what the answers are because you were never taught this information and

1414
01:14:20.880 --> 01:14:26.480
now you're expected to just guess at the answers and it's high stakes.

1415
01:14:26.480 --> 01:14:28.240
It's kind of an ultimatum.

1416
01:14:28.240 --> 01:14:29.600
What would you think about that teacher?

1417
01:14:29.600 --> 01:14:31.600
You would think that they were unfair, wouldn't you?

1418
01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:34.720
Wouldn't you think that they were being unreasonable?

1419
01:14:34.720 --> 01:14:35.840
But we do this all the time.

1420
01:14:36.320 --> 01:14:41.440
We give people tests over information that they've never been taught, not just in relationship

1421
01:14:41.440 --> 01:14:42.440
but in life.

1422
01:14:42.440 --> 01:14:46.560
Think about all the people in your life that you might see at the holidays this year that

1423
01:14:46.560 --> 01:14:48.640
they're not the same type of Christian as you are.

1424
01:14:48.640 --> 01:14:50.080
They might not even be Christians at all.

1425
01:14:50.080 --> 01:14:53.080
They might be pre-believers.

1426
01:14:53.080 --> 01:14:57.400
They might be people who don't have your background with God, your experience with God.

1427
01:14:57.400 --> 01:14:59.480
They haven't gone to the same churches.

1428
01:14:59.480 --> 01:15:00.000
They haven't heard the same.

1429
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.040
same sermons, they haven't read the same scriptures, and yet every year when you see them, you're

1430
01:15:05.040 --> 01:15:10.200
giving them a test over what you know instead of over what they know.

1431
01:15:10.200 --> 01:15:14.620
You're judging them, whether they're your children or your parents, okay?

1432
01:15:14.620 --> 01:15:16.260
You're judging their spirituality.

1433
01:15:16.260 --> 01:15:21.700
You're judging everything about them based on who you are and what you know, not based

1434
01:15:21.700 --> 01:15:26.660
on who they are and what they know, and we got to stop doing this, and let's specifically

1435
01:15:26.660 --> 01:15:32.780
not do this in meeting the opposite sex, okay?

1436
01:15:32.780 --> 01:15:36.540
If you're in a relationship with someone, do not expect them to be a mind reader.

1437
01:15:36.540 --> 01:15:40.460
Do not expect them just to know how to make you happy.

1438
01:15:40.460 --> 01:15:49.140
Use your language, and not in a nagging way, or you never, or you always, or comparing

1439
01:15:49.140 --> 01:15:50.420
them to other people.

1440
01:15:50.420 --> 01:15:55.020
All of that is very conflict-ridden language.

1441
01:15:55.020 --> 01:16:00.540
Just express to them, hey, this is what I want in my relationship.

1442
01:16:00.540 --> 01:16:02.000
This is what I would like to see.

1443
01:16:02.000 --> 01:16:07.860
What would you like to see as we date each other, as we go forward in this exclusive

1444
01:16:07.860 --> 01:16:10.180
boyfriend and girlfriend situation?

1445
01:16:10.180 --> 01:16:11.180
What makes you happy?

1446
01:16:11.180 --> 01:16:13.700
What makes you feel loved?

1447
01:16:13.700 --> 01:16:20.380
What would you like to see me do to meet your needs, and vice versa?

1448
01:16:20.380 --> 01:16:21.380
Is that cool?

1449
01:16:21.380 --> 01:16:22.380
Can we do that?

1450
01:16:22.980 --> 01:16:27.060
It's called being a grown-up.

1451
01:16:27.060 --> 01:16:31.460
I know that we all watch these movies where the other person just seems to magically know

1452
01:16:31.460 --> 01:16:35.620
how to woo the other person, and it's just not real life.

1453
01:16:35.620 --> 01:16:38.740
It's not real.

1454
01:16:38.740 --> 01:16:43.100
I can't express to you enough that the people that live in the box in your living room are

1455
01:16:43.100 --> 01:16:46.500
not real people.

1456
01:16:46.500 --> 01:16:50.940
They're playing a part, okay?

1457
01:16:51.540 --> 01:16:55.020
Let's stop expecting life to look like that, because it doesn't.

1458
01:16:55.020 --> 01:16:57.300
It doesn't.

1459
01:16:57.300 --> 01:16:58.300
Okay.

1460
01:16:58.300 --> 01:17:01.860
All right.

1461
01:17:01.860 --> 01:17:02.860
Some people do not...

1462
01:17:02.860 --> 01:17:03.860
Can you raise your hand?

1463
01:17:03.860 --> 01:17:05.860
Can you just raise your hand if...

1464
01:17:05.860 --> 01:17:10.460
We'll just do a popcorn round really quickly.

1465
01:17:10.460 --> 01:17:16.980
Raise your hand if someone cussing really is a major ick or turn off for you.

1466
01:17:16.980 --> 01:17:18.180
I don't mean the F word.

1467
01:17:18.180 --> 01:17:19.920
I mean any cuss words.

1468
01:17:19.920 --> 01:17:21.880
Any cuss words at all.

1469
01:17:21.880 --> 01:17:24.680
Any cussing, not just the F bomb.

1470
01:17:24.680 --> 01:17:25.680
It's an ick.

1471
01:17:25.680 --> 01:17:27.080
It's a turn off.

1472
01:17:27.080 --> 01:17:34.360
If they have any profanity in their vocabulary that they use, icky, ick, ick.

1473
01:17:34.360 --> 01:17:37.160
Don't like it.

1474
01:17:37.160 --> 01:17:39.160
Makes you feel uncomfortable.

1475
01:17:39.160 --> 01:17:42.680
All right.

1476
01:17:42.680 --> 01:17:44.080
Quite a few hands up, y'all.

1477
01:17:44.080 --> 01:17:45.800
And men's hands are up too, not just women's.

1478
01:17:45.800 --> 01:17:50.240
I want you to pay attention to that, okay?

1479
01:17:50.240 --> 01:17:52.520
All right.

1480
01:17:52.520 --> 01:17:55.480
And remember, you guys, everyone deserves a one-off.

1481
01:17:55.480 --> 01:17:59.960
Just because someone stubs their toe and says shit doesn't mean that they cuss all the time.

1482
01:17:59.960 --> 01:18:02.040
Sometimes things just happen, okay?

1483
01:18:02.040 --> 01:18:08.240
Raise your hand if it's a major turn off for you, if someone is late.

1484
01:18:08.240 --> 01:18:12.960
If someone is late, they're leaving you waiting.

1485
01:18:12.960 --> 01:18:13.960
Come on.

1486
01:18:14.120 --> 01:18:22.760
It's hard for you to recover from that when someone is late, all right?

1487
01:18:22.760 --> 01:18:23.760
There's a lot of people.

1488
01:18:23.760 --> 01:18:24.960
There's a lot of people.

1489
01:18:24.960 --> 01:18:29.720
And once again, it can happen to anyone one time, but repetitively late, okay?

1490
01:18:29.720 --> 01:18:31.320
I lowered your hands.

1491
01:18:31.320 --> 01:18:35.720
Raise your hand if someone cancels plans last minute.

1492
01:18:35.720 --> 01:18:43.920
And once again, everyone deserves one, one time, y'all, a one-off, okay?

1493
01:18:43.920 --> 01:18:48.680
Please do not cross someone off the list just because any of these things happen.

1494
01:18:48.680 --> 01:18:49.960
It's more of a habitual thing.

1495
01:18:49.960 --> 01:18:55.560
A habitual cancels at the last minute, okay?

1496
01:18:55.560 --> 01:18:56.560
Okay?

1497
01:18:56.560 --> 01:19:00.680
I'm not going to even ask you if it's a turn off if people say something that's not true

1498
01:19:00.680 --> 01:19:04.000
because we all know that most of us do not like people to lie to us, so we're not going

1499
01:19:04.000 --> 01:19:07.720
to even ask that, okay?

1500
01:19:07.720 --> 01:19:08.720
So you guys can see.

1501
01:19:08.720 --> 01:19:13.080
I think I'm just trying to help you to see that a lot of you are the same.

1502
01:19:13.080 --> 01:19:15.880
You feel the same way about things.

1503
01:19:15.880 --> 01:19:22.360
Raise your hand if someone shows up to meet you, you're getting to know them, and they

1504
01:19:22.360 --> 01:19:27.040
didn't put effort into their appearance.

1505
01:19:27.040 --> 01:19:32.440
You're just getting to know this person, and they're already kind of showing up with a

1506
01:19:32.440 --> 01:19:35.840
sweaty ponytail, workout, just came from the gym.

1507
01:19:35.840 --> 01:19:42.360
I mean, once again, a one-off, but they don't seem to be trying to put their best foot forward

1508
01:19:42.360 --> 01:19:47.320
with you.

1509
01:19:47.320 --> 01:19:52.680
And if it's not a turn off, like specifically like, ew, then don't say anything.

1510
01:19:52.680 --> 01:19:55.480
If it's just like, yeah, I don't really care that much about it.

1511
01:19:55.480 --> 01:19:58.960
Okay, that includes hygiene.

1512
01:19:58.960 --> 01:20:00.040
You can be a crunchy granola.

1513
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:04.800
person, but you're gonna have to figure out some deodorant that works for y'all, okay?

1514
01:20:04.800 --> 01:20:09.160
Go ahead, eat clean, I eat clean, but no one wants to show up and meet someone that they

1515
01:20:09.160 --> 01:20:11.880
don't know and they smell like body odor.

1516
01:20:11.880 --> 01:20:14.640
Nobody wants that, okay?

1517
01:20:14.640 --> 01:20:19.920
Except for maybe another hippie, and then you just go to a kibbutz and meet someone

1518
01:20:19.920 --> 01:20:20.920
at a hostel, okay?

1519
01:20:20.920 --> 01:20:21.920
It's all good.

1520
01:20:21.920 --> 01:20:22.920
All right.

1521
01:20:23.920 --> 01:20:34.200
I'm just trying to show you guys how similar all of you are to each other, okay?

1522
01:20:34.200 --> 01:20:36.360
Very, very similar.

1523
01:20:36.360 --> 01:20:39.020
And you guys, here's some other things that people have told me are turnoffs.

1524
01:20:39.020 --> 01:20:42.440
When someone says, hey, do you want to do something?

1525
01:20:42.440 --> 01:20:46.160
And you're like, yeah, but then they never tell you what, right?

1526
01:20:46.160 --> 01:20:51.000
They just kind of leave it hanging in the air there, right?

1527
01:20:51.000 --> 01:20:54.880
Another turnoff for people is when you're communicating with someone and they fall off

1528
01:20:54.880 --> 01:20:57.440
and they just stop communicating.

1529
01:20:57.440 --> 01:20:59.560
And then they start communicating a day or two later.

1530
01:20:59.560 --> 01:21:00.560
It's like, what happened to you?

1531
01:21:00.560 --> 01:21:03.800
We were talking and then boom, you're gone, right?

1532
01:21:03.800 --> 01:21:07.520
These are all things that people are like, eh, you know, I don't know.

1533
01:21:07.520 --> 01:21:10.320
I'm just getting to know this person, right?

1534
01:21:10.320 --> 01:21:14.480
It's also a turnoff if people try to get too physical too fast.

1535
01:21:14.480 --> 01:21:19.360
A lot of people, most people don't want to hold your hand on the first date.

1536
01:21:19.360 --> 01:21:21.720
They don't want to be kissed on the first date.

1537
01:21:21.720 --> 01:21:25.360
They don't want any kind of real physical, you know, possibly a hug.

1538
01:21:25.360 --> 01:21:29.800
I remember when David Dorman asked me if he could hug me after we went on a walk together.

1539
01:21:29.800 --> 01:21:33.880
Remember, we were neighbors, but now he's like, I think I like you more than that.

1540
01:21:33.880 --> 01:21:35.360
Okay, well, let's go to coffee.

1541
01:21:35.360 --> 01:21:36.600
Okay, well, let's go on a walk.

1542
01:21:36.600 --> 01:21:40.680
And we went on a walk and at the end of the walk, he's like, can I hug you?

1543
01:21:40.680 --> 01:21:41.680
I know him.

1544
01:21:41.680 --> 01:21:45.480
He's my next door neighbor, I think, which made it even more awkward for him to now want

1545
01:21:45.480 --> 01:21:50.760
to hug me because I've known him for a half a year as my neighbor.

1546
01:21:50.760 --> 01:21:56.560
And I said, okay, and he gave me a hug and y'all, it was one of those hugs where you

1547
01:21:56.560 --> 01:21:58.280
can't, you can't get out.

1548
01:21:58.280 --> 01:21:59.280
Okay.

1549
01:21:59.280 --> 01:22:02.320
And I'm a pretty avoidantly attached person.

1550
01:22:02.320 --> 01:22:04.680
So I'm in the hug.

1551
01:22:04.680 --> 01:22:07.060
And at first it was like, oh, yeah, that feels good.

1552
01:22:07.060 --> 01:22:11.720
But it lasted two minutes longer than I was comfortable with.

1553
01:22:11.720 --> 01:22:12.720
Okay.

1554
01:22:12.720 --> 01:22:21.440
So be self-aware, be self-aware, gentlemen, ladies, be self-aware.

1555
01:22:21.440 --> 01:22:26.320
The best thing that you could ever be in your entire life in every area to be successful

1556
01:22:26.320 --> 01:22:29.440
is to be aware of self.

1557
01:22:29.440 --> 01:22:34.200
I gave this advice to one of my private clients, I'm going to give it to you, listening, gentlemen,

1558
01:22:34.200 --> 01:22:36.040
you as well.

1559
01:22:36.040 --> 01:22:42.480
I want you to get to know yourself in the mirror.

1560
01:22:42.480 --> 01:22:43.480
What do I mean by that?

1561
01:22:43.480 --> 01:22:48.540
What I mean is, is I want you to look in the mirror and I want you to make different facial

1562
01:22:48.540 --> 01:22:50.840
expressions that you make.

1563
01:22:50.840 --> 01:22:54.280
I want you to think different thoughts that cause you to make different facial expressions.

1564
01:22:54.280 --> 01:22:57.480
Like what does it look like when you're mad or when you're disgusted by something?

1565
01:22:57.480 --> 01:22:58.800
What does it look like when you're confused?

1566
01:22:58.800 --> 01:23:01.280
What does it look like when you're deep in thought?

1567
01:23:01.280 --> 01:23:06.000
Ladies, over 40, you probably have some RBF and maybe you're unapproachable.

1568
01:23:06.000 --> 01:23:10.520
You don't realize it, but your face is saying, stay away from me.

1569
01:23:10.520 --> 01:23:14.080
Even though that's not really what you want, but your face is saying that because as we

1570
01:23:14.080 --> 01:23:21.800
get older, these little muscles right here pull our mouth down and make us look angry.

1571
01:23:21.800 --> 01:23:26.400
And so be deep in thought in the mirror, what does your face look like?

1572
01:23:26.400 --> 01:23:29.800
Does it look like, you know, get away from me?

1573
01:23:29.800 --> 01:23:33.980
Because if so, then you're going to have to mind your face and be self-aware when you're

1574
01:23:33.980 --> 01:23:37.500
out in public and your places where you can be meeting people.

1575
01:23:37.500 --> 01:23:39.140
What does it look like when you're smiling?

1576
01:23:39.140 --> 01:23:40.140
You're being friendly.

1577
01:23:40.140 --> 01:23:41.140
You're smiling at someone.

1578
01:23:41.140 --> 01:23:45.340
Look in the mirror, make those facial expressions so that when you're doing it in real life,

1579
01:23:45.340 --> 01:23:48.380
you remember what you look like when you do it.

1580
01:23:48.380 --> 01:23:49.380
What's it look like to flirt?

1581
01:23:49.380 --> 01:23:51.820
Do a little coy face.

1582
01:23:51.820 --> 01:23:53.620
What's it look like to be a little flirty?

1583
01:23:53.620 --> 01:23:57.540
What's it look like when you do a little hair toss, when you, when you do a little, you

1584
01:23:57.540 --> 01:24:00.460
know, cute little fun, flirty smile?

1585
01:24:00.460 --> 01:24:02.380
What does that look like?

1586
01:24:02.380 --> 01:24:03.380
Okay.

1587
01:24:03.380 --> 01:24:08.140
Guys, I know this seems silly, but it's really important to be self-aware.

1588
01:24:08.140 --> 01:24:10.740
It's important to know what you're putting out in the world.

1589
01:24:10.740 --> 01:24:13.180
What do you look like when you eat?

1590
01:24:13.180 --> 01:24:18.620
Look at yourself in the mirror while you're eating and don't eat nice just because you're

1591
01:24:18.620 --> 01:24:19.660
looking at yourself.

1592
01:24:19.660 --> 01:24:21.920
Eat the way you really eat.

1593
01:24:21.920 --> 01:24:23.540
Eat the way you really eat.

1594
01:24:23.540 --> 01:24:25.060
Let's see what you're looking like.

1595
01:24:25.060 --> 01:24:26.740
Is your mouth all the way closed?

1596
01:24:26.740 --> 01:24:27.740
Hmm.

1597
01:24:27.740 --> 01:24:28.740
Okay.

1598
01:24:28.740 --> 01:24:29.740
Do you eat with your tongue?

1599
01:24:29.740 --> 01:24:30.740
Like a cow?

1600
01:24:30.820 --> 01:24:33.820
There's a tongue in there trying to break down the food while you're eating.

1601
01:24:33.820 --> 01:24:35.620
A lot of people are tongue eaters.

1602
01:24:35.620 --> 01:24:37.060
They don't even know it, but they are.

1603
01:24:37.060 --> 01:24:39.420
It's not really fun to watch.

1604
01:24:39.420 --> 01:24:44.140
So pay attention to what you're doing.

1605
01:24:44.140 --> 01:24:45.900
Okay.

1606
01:24:45.900 --> 01:24:47.100
Look at yourself.

1607
01:24:47.100 --> 01:24:48.860
Pay attention to what you're doing.

1608
01:24:48.860 --> 01:24:49.860
Why?

1609
01:24:49.860 --> 01:24:55.660
Because you need to become very aware of you.

1610
01:24:55.660 --> 01:24:57.340
Very aware of you.

1611
01:24:57.340 --> 01:25:00.340
The more aware that you become of you, the more ...

1612
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:01.160
The more that you're gonna know

1613
01:25:01.160 --> 01:25:04.080
when someone's making you feel uncomfortable,

1614
01:25:04.080 --> 01:25:05.160
the more that you're gonna know

1615
01:25:05.160 --> 01:25:08.640
whether or not you like something or don't like something.

1616
01:25:08.640 --> 01:25:11.280
The key to you meeting your spirit mate

1617
01:25:11.280 --> 01:25:13.840
is you knowing who you are

1618
01:25:14.720 --> 01:25:16.280
and what you're putting out in the world.

1619
01:25:16.280 --> 01:25:18.640
And these are just some really easy exercises

1620
01:25:18.640 --> 01:25:20.800
to start you on the path to self-awareness.

1621
01:25:20.800 --> 01:25:21.920
What do I look like?

1622
01:25:21.920 --> 01:25:24.360
What do my facial expressions look like?

1623
01:25:24.360 --> 01:25:26.800
What do I look like when I'm happy, when I'm sad,

1624
01:25:26.800 --> 01:25:28.200
when I'm thinking?

1625
01:25:28.200 --> 01:25:30.360
What does it look like when I'm eating?

1626
01:25:30.360 --> 01:25:33.720
You know, what does it look like, you know, to be me?

1627
01:25:34.680 --> 01:25:39.680
When other people see me, what do they see, right?

1628
01:25:39.680 --> 01:25:40.920
These are really important stuff.

1629
01:25:40.920 --> 01:25:45.600
And it's very, very, very, you know, elementary stuff,

1630
01:25:45.600 --> 01:25:47.280
but we can grow in self-awareness

1631
01:25:47.280 --> 01:25:49.360
if we start with some little building blocks.

1632
01:25:49.360 --> 01:25:50.200
Sound good?

1633
01:25:51.200 --> 01:25:53.720
All right, thank you guys for coming.

1634
01:25:53.720 --> 01:25:55.800
We're a little bit over, about 15 minutes over,

1635
01:25:55.800 --> 01:25:56.640
but that's okay.

1636
01:25:56.640 --> 01:25:57.800
It was good tonight.

1637
01:25:58.360 --> 01:25:59.960
Lots of really good stuff.

1638
01:25:59.960 --> 01:26:01.800
Ask Jackie is open for men's group

1639
01:26:01.800 --> 01:26:03.800
and phase three women's group.

1640
01:26:03.800 --> 01:26:04.800
The reason why we weren't doing

1641
01:26:04.800 --> 01:26:06.160
is we were getting way too many questions

1642
01:26:06.160 --> 01:26:07.720
because we were letting phase two women

1643
01:26:07.720 --> 01:26:09.440
also put an Ask Jackie in,

1644
01:26:09.440 --> 01:26:11.040
and we're not doing that anymore.

1645
01:26:11.040 --> 01:26:12.400
So if you're a phase three woman,

1646
01:26:12.400 --> 01:26:14.440
which that's the only women that are here tonight,

1647
01:26:14.440 --> 01:26:17.400
and you have a question for Ask Jackie, put that in.

1648
01:26:17.400 --> 01:26:19.080
We will be doing that once a week again.

1649
01:26:19.080 --> 01:26:21.200
It'll just be live in your group, okay?

1650
01:26:21.200 --> 01:26:23.600
Because now we can go live on the app as well.

1651
01:26:23.600 --> 01:26:26.520
And make sure that you pay attention to December calendar.

1652
01:26:26.560 --> 01:26:28.200
Mark those dates off.

1653
01:26:28.200 --> 01:26:32.760
I will be spotlighting lots of new guys

1654
01:26:32.760 --> 01:26:36.040
on my Instagram, okay?

1655
01:26:36.040 --> 01:26:39.200
Remember, students and clients get first dibs.

1656
01:26:39.200 --> 01:26:41.960
I will tell you on the Instagram how to reach out to us

1657
01:26:41.960 --> 01:26:43.920
if you think you're that person's match.

1658
01:26:43.920 --> 01:26:45.400
You guys, if you're not the match,

1659
01:26:45.400 --> 01:26:48.320
the criteria that I put up, don't have FOMO.

1660
01:26:48.320 --> 01:26:49.440
Please don't write us and say,

1661
01:26:49.440 --> 01:26:51.960
oh, I know that I don't have this criteria,

1662
01:26:51.960 --> 01:26:53.320
but I wanted to reach out anyway.

1663
01:26:53.320 --> 01:26:57.160
No, that makes so much more work for us.

1664
01:26:57.160 --> 01:26:59.640
You'd be better off sending that spotlight

1665
01:26:59.640 --> 01:27:01.680
to someone who you really do think the match is.

1666
01:27:01.680 --> 01:27:02.720
There's a match for you.

1667
01:27:02.720 --> 01:27:05.800
You don't have to have FOMO by trying to respond to one

1668
01:27:05.800 --> 01:27:07.120
that definitely isn't.

1669
01:27:07.120 --> 01:27:10.320
We don't put that criteria up to keep people out

1670
01:27:10.320 --> 01:27:12.200
and just discriminate against people.

1671
01:27:12.200 --> 01:27:15.000
We put it up because that is what is going to be the match

1672
01:27:15.000 --> 01:27:16.080
for this person.

1673
01:27:16.080 --> 01:27:20.240
It doesn't make any sense for you to insert yourself

1674
01:27:20.240 --> 01:27:25.240
into that match if it isn't at least a seven out of 10 fit.

1675
01:27:26.960 --> 01:27:30.600
You have seven of the 10 things of criteria.

1676
01:27:30.600 --> 01:27:32.960
Just remember, there's gonna be more.

1677
01:27:32.960 --> 01:27:35.380
This is not the breadline.

1678
01:27:36.560 --> 01:27:39.000
There's more where that came from, I promise.

1679
01:27:39.000 --> 01:27:41.840
There's no recession in the area of romance.

1680
01:27:41.840 --> 01:27:42.680
There's not.

1681
01:27:42.680 --> 01:27:45.080
I know it seems like it, but there really isn't.

1682
01:27:45.080 --> 01:27:46.360
And so I'm gonna be putting that out there.

1683
01:27:46.360 --> 01:27:49.560
Guys, I'm gonna be putting ladies in your group,

1684
01:27:49.560 --> 01:27:51.080
the ones that say that I can,

1685
01:27:51.080 --> 01:27:52.960
I'm gonna be putting them in the group, same thing.

1686
01:27:52.960 --> 01:27:54.840
If you're not what she's looking for,

1687
01:27:54.840 --> 01:27:56.320
then send her to a buddy.

1688
01:27:56.320 --> 01:28:00.440
Do not send us an email, okay?

1689
01:28:00.440 --> 01:28:03.600
Only email us if you have seven of the 10 criteria.

1690
01:28:03.600 --> 01:28:05.800
And you guys remember, that's a ratio.

1691
01:28:05.800 --> 01:28:08.240
There might not be 10 criteria, there might be five.

1692
01:28:08.240 --> 01:28:09.520
So you have to have three of the five.

1693
01:28:09.520 --> 01:28:11.160
You guys get it, right?

1694
01:28:11.160 --> 01:28:12.000
Cool?

1695
01:28:12.000 --> 01:28:12.840
Good.

1696
01:28:12.840 --> 01:28:13.660
Love y'all.

1697
01:28:13.660 --> 01:28:14.500
Have a great night.

1698
01:28:14.500 --> 01:28:15.320
See you soon.