All right, guys, so anybody have something that's on their mind, on their heart, that
they want to process?
Any wins this week?
Any things that are, got questions, like what's going on?
Andy, go ahead.
So, I'm on week five of the heart work, and I got to the self-preservation techniques
page.
Yeah.
And I noticed that there's a few that jump out to me that are still mine, like probably
the biggest one is withdrawal and passivity.
And I know I tend to be passive and withdraw in romantic relationships, which is one of
the things that women really dislike a lot, but it's like, I don't know how to not be
like that.
That's the problem.
Yeah.
If you're not familiar with the worksheet, it's in, Dana, you just held it up there.
Are you working on the same thing?
You just have it up there?
I have them kind of handy where I can get them if I need them.
Oh, I got it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So, the idea of the worksheet, if you haven't got to it, or if it's been a minute, the idea
of the worksheet is to sort of recognize the techniques.
These are just sort of like characteristics, if you will.
They're not necessarily productive techniques, but they are techniques that we as humans
use all the time to protect ourselves and preserve ourselves.
And so, they're negative in a way, but at the same time, they're illuminating to go
down this list and sort of read them and identify some of the things that we use to
try to insulate ourselves and protect ourselves.
And of course, as Andy is pointing out, retreating is one of the things that people do.
Unfortunately, in relationships, especially in relationships you're trying to establish,
that can be really problematic because the relationship, especially upfront and foremost,
it needs for you to be, especially men, to be leading in the relationship, to be initiating
in the relationship.
It really needs in order for there to be the connection that's made.
There needs to be that openness, vulnerability, willingness to get to know somebody.
So it is very vulnerable in that moment, especially in the beginning stage of trying to establish
a relationship.
So anybody have any ideas of maybe how we could help Andy get beyond the sort of retreating,
sort of going away stage?
I should clarify that this typically happens when I'm over, it's not like when at the beginning
of the relationship, but it's really like when I'm in the relationship and I might be
overwhelmed with something or maybe she has something that she is calling me out on and
then I shut down or like, yeah.
I tell you this, this is something actually my son is going through right now.
My son is dating a girl that is, for all intents and purposes, she's most likely going
to be the one, could be the one.
And it's a pretty, this is as far as he's ever gone, he's going to be 29 this year.
And this is as far as he's ever gotten in a relationship.
So he's had a couple of different relationships and for different reasons, they went, they didn't
go all the way and probably for good reasons.
But this particular one is going that way.
And it would seem that in the relationship, because of their age and because of, I think,
probably the seriousness of where they feel about each other, the girl is definitely like,
I'm, we're four months in, we've known each other for a little while, so forth.
I'm really ready.
She's like ready.
I'm ready to know whether this is going to go to a next step.
Now, it doesn't have to be like marriage tomorrow, but she wants to know, hey, is this going,
because it's come to that point where it's like, if they break up now or if they break up any time in the near future,
it's going to be pretty heart-wrenching for both of them because they're sort of that deep in.
And it's good, right?
So it's a very vulnerable place, but it's also very precarious.
And so like he was asking us.
as his parents, like, hey, you know, like, this is happening.
And she's expressed to me, she kind of was quiet for a couple
days and trying to express to me, you know, kind of how she's
feeling. And they're very open that these younger guys, I mean,
these younger kids, man, they're very open these days, they talk
about everything. They're like, we're going to talk about this
and our processes, and they're like, really smart about all
this stuff. And they're willing, like, they don't like some of
these kids, they don't really play a lot of games with each
other. But they're just really, like, almost too serious. I'm
like, you guys are like, really heavy. I mean, it doesn't got to
be this hard. But anyway, that's me. Yeah, she's like, she's
like, she's like, but she is pulling away. And he's like, I
don't know, because I'm fine. I'm all in. But I feel like
she's pulling away. And what we had to sort of get him to
understand is, is that Yeah, what's happening here, Jaron,
is, she's wanting you to pursue. She's wanting you to go toward
her. She's wanting for you to not just like be fine with, hey,
we're hanging out and everything's okay. And we're
getting to know each other. He's like, but I like her and I'm in
and I'm so yeah, but I said, but you have to be a little bit more
intentional at this step. So that she feels comfortable in a
way that she's like, okay, you know, this isn't going to go
south or this isn't gonna like he's not going to just like get
bored with me or whatever. So she's needing some reassertion,
re reassurance. She's needing some input. She's needing some
pursuit. She said, I want you to like she's used this word, maybe
I shouldn't say this, but she goes, she wanted to she, she
put she Okay, I'm not gonna use the phrase. It's nothing wrong
with that. I just don't want to embarrass her is all I'm trying
to say. And but she wanted to basically be, you know, like, I
want you to like, just like be, you know, like, you know, really
like, excited and crazy. And like, you know, basically, she
wants a passion. You know, she just wants like, she wants you
to be she wants him to be excited about her, you know, and
he is. But he is he showing it, right? So it's this game. This
is kind of like, kind of appropriate for this video that
I showed. It is a little bit of a game. It's kind of like this,
like, if you're a guy that's like, just like, you know, chill
and cool, you know, and you're into her and you like her, and
it's going to be like, Hey, I'm cool. I'm committed. I'm loyal.
But she's not seeing that from you, then there is a little bit
of requirement for the guy, you need to initiate some of that
and let her know, hey, you know, I'm in this, you're like, you
know, pursue, get excited, like, drum it up a little bit,
if you have to even get some good buy, get some good advice
for somebody who can help you in a relationship to try to do
this, get some game on, get a little romantic, you know, try
to think of some things that can be very challenging for a guy
who is not super, like, outgoing and dramatic and like, not
romantic. I'm not really one of those guys. I have to work at
that. That is not doesn't come easy. I got like, he's got it on
like he's smooth. He's good with words. He's good with
people. I feel like I'm kind of like romantic like that. Am I
wrong?
I'm unfortunately a little bit. I feel like it's impossible for
me at this point to be like that.
It's not impossible for you. I was impossible for you. You're a
guy.
I just don't feel like I can pursue like that in that way.
Because it's because she's not worthy to pursue or because it's
not in you to pursue.
Um, probably because it's not in me.
Well, then you got a question. What are you doing?
I don't know.
This is a hypothetical right Andy? Or is it are you talking
about a specific person?
Well, I'm kind of thinking about my past and I'm not with anyone
right now. But I'm just thinking about like, my past experience
and how I can be better for the future. But it feels like from
what I've seen in the past, it's like, um, it seems so difficult
to be that kind of person.
That it almost feels like, like it's impossible. That's kind of
how I feel.
Like the being a pursuer like that is just like, not in my
blood, like my nature. That's kind of how I feel.
Anybody got any help? Suggestion? Yeah.
Uh, so for instance, I was a hardcore introvert when I got out
of high school.
out of the army and did not like talking to people
and didn't like socializing, preferred to be a hermit
and started this program, Live Hard by Andy Frisella.
And the last 30 days of it drove me nuts
because I had to have a conversation
with a stranger every single day.
And what he talks about in his podcast is,
it's not that you are incapable of being
this other type of person or this other facet of masculinity
it's that you've never tried it, it's a skillset.
So pursuing someone, whether it's in you or not
requires just some small steps and an action plan
and just take it a little bit at a time.
It's like learning how to whistle,
you have to do it to actually become proficient in it.
It's so good.
Dude, that's a great answer, thank you for that.
Daniel, go ahead and then Mike.
Hey, can you hear me okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, so I guess I'm seeking some advice here.
About a month ago, I connected with one of the women
in our community and it's been going really great.
Really great, we talk every day.
We've had a lot of really great conversations.
She lives out of state, so I'm flying to see her
in like a week and a half, two weeks.
And so paying attention, I'd say we're definitely level two.
And the question is, at what point do we seriously consider
going to level three and kind of being exclusive?
At this point, I'm not interested in scouring
the dating apps or kind of pursuing anything else.
I know she's not talking to anybody either.
And so part of it feels like we're just kind of
biding our time.
She's actually from Portland.
And so she's going to come up in January.
And one of the things she had said was like,
she said, maybe you should wait until you see me in Portland
because she's going to be different around her family
and kind of on her home turf and stuff.
But I think she's going to probably bring this up
also in the women's group.
But I think I'm just looking for some,
just some solid advice on what should I look for
when I go visit and how do we know we're ready
for level three?
I thought you were going to give a little bit of insight
for Andy.
So we'll come back to Andy as well.
Not leaving you on read, Andy.
No, I think David was right.
You just need reps.
You just got to get out there,
push yourself outside of your comfort zone.
Yeah, there's that for sure.
And I want to come back to that a little bit though,
because I think there's a broader thing with men in general
in that area as well.
But Daniel, did you say this is the first time
you're seeing her in person?
Yep, yep.
So this is the first time.
I just want to clarify that.
Definitely, you really cannot go to level three
without having met this person in person.
I mean, this is no doubt.
So that's crucial, right?
Obviously, because there's so much that you intuitively learn
just by being in someone's presence.
I mean, just the unspoken, how they appear,
what their presence is like, even pheromonally,
like how they smell, just like all of those senses
come into play when you meet somebody in person.
So obviously there's that.
So this is good that you're doing that.
So I guess you'd have to come away from that initial meeting,
have the greatest, best, fun time that you can
in that situation.
And then when you're away from that,
after you've gone home, or if you're still there,
but you're sort of in your private moment,
you just have to evaluate yourself,
like, man, am I into this girl?
I've connected with her on the video,
on the phone, and all that kind of stuff,
kind of mentally, sort of in the soul realm.
But now you're in her presence physically.
Are you attracted?
Are you still excited to get to know her further?
And so that's where you would just pursue
those sort of feelings, thoughts, and experience that.
And then you'd be like,
I don't really have any other prospects,
and probably she doesn't either.
So maybe at some point we decided to go to level three,
which is just basically exclusive with each other.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I guess that would be the basic answer for me.
I don't really want to overcomplicate things, because honestly, this is kind of like getting
back to Anderson, is that, you know, I think men and women, we do it differently, but men
and we're talking to men tonight, it's like, I think there's about three things or four
things, you know, what are those three things?
What are those four things?
It's not about the things, it's just the amount of things.
There's three or four, maybe two or three, whatever, but there's not nine or 12.
That's the point I'm trying to make.
And you're asking, what are you talking about?
I'm talking about, there are about two or three things that you need that are connecting
with this person before you realize this is the person that I really want to, like, I
could see myself spending the rest of my life with this person.
I really dig this person.
I like her and I'm into her, you know, and then it's like, it's on.
It's like, it's a yes until it's a no sort of thing.
Like you're going hard after it.
Like you're just going step by step by step by step, right?
There's nothing impeding you, your interest isn't divided to somewhere else, to someone
else or anything.
You're like, this is, this is, I'm pursuing this, right?
I don't think there's nine or 12 things that need to be on that list.
I think there's about three or four and you have to decide what they are.
Is it the color of her hair?
Is it like, you know, the way that she appears?
Is it the way her voice sounds?
Is it what she's into?
I mean, like just, you just a couple things to make this, to make this connection.
And then the rest is figured out through relationship.
And what I'm trying to say is that men and women, we, we, we both do it.
We put all of these things in the way first to go, Oh, all these things need to be knocked
over or ticked over or checked out or, you know, examine first before we decide to get
into this quote relationship thing.
And that just is, I mean, that's going to make you go around the mountain 50,000 times.
This is why, you know, a lot of people are just like, I'm in my own way.
I'm in my own way.
I'm in my way.
Yeah.
Because you know, you're, you're not willing just to go pursue the relationship and see
what the relationship does.
You know, if it's a deal breaker, then just like, yeah, this is a, this is just a deal
break for me.
It's okay to come to that conclusion very quickly and then move on.
That's great.
So it's not like, you know, you don't take every person to the end through in relationship,
but if you've got about two or three or four things that you're connecting on with this
person, like, I really dig this person, you know, yeah, there's some things, maybe they're
not perfect, whatever, but I, like Abram, you kind of had this situation a few weeks
ago, like, and you were asking about the whole health thing because you were into this person,
you were into her.
You were like, you thought she was good.
She thought she was a good person that it could have been a good match, but there was
that one thing.
And you had to kind of know that pursue that.
And it worked out.
And it was just like, yeah, that's going to be kind of a deal breaker.
And so it just ended up and you're like, oh, cool.
That's it.
Still like her still cool.
You know, whatever, no harm, no foul moving on.
But when you're like, when you, when someone's like pushing your button and you're like,
okay, this is like where my son's at right now, there's, there's probably more than four
things that they're connecting and they're connecting on a lot of things.
And so the thing about it is, is that he's now in a precarious moment where he has to
push himself.
Like David was saying to, to do the reps, to, to get into like the mode of, I'm not
just Mr. Nice guy or Mr. Boyfriend who like someone thinks I'm cute.
I am now have to step into manhood.
I have to step into like pursuit.
I have to step into like showing that this is what I want.
And so I have to like get training.
I have to get whatever I have to get in order to win this, this person's attention, this
woman's attention and keep it and let her know that, you know, this is where we're going.
And that takes a lot of confidence.
It takes a lot of courage.
I'm not saying it's easy.
So I am, I am, I guess I'm putting that out as a, as a challenge.
Like that's a good challenge.
That's a good thing to take on because it like, like it's scary and it can be very frightening,
but it is very, very like it's a, it's a man up situation, you know, and all of you can
do it.
All of you are incredibly gifted and powerful to do it.
You just have to assert your, your, your best assets.
So I think I answered Daniel's question.
Anybody else have any input into this?
I'll just, um, having been a couple, well, I mean, it's a dry F4.
a long drive situation, not necessarily a fly across the States.
Right. But I would just give Daniel for this round.
I mean, like nothing has to be determined.
Right. Just go and have some fun.
Right. Like, you know, I got there and I'm like, man, I got to figure out.
I got to do all these things. I got to see how we fit.
And then it's like then it's not even fun.
You're so serious. Go be you.
Go.
My fun and see how I don't know, I've been in a couple of these where I had this
huge checklist in my mind and I was like, man, I need to check this off because I
want to be honoring of her and it just ended up being this huge.
I wasn't even me.
I was like the analytical me, which is not the fun me.
Right. And so. Yeah.
And so, like, just be you and see how you guys gel.
I mean, that would be the next thing.
Don't worry about stage three, stage four, stage ten.
Like, just go and have some fun.
Like, just go be you have fun.
Everything else will play out.
So and I know and I just had something for
and Andy, I guess my thing to you is just.
Like, what do you look at what you're afraid of and go conquer it, right,
like, you know, like there's a reason why we don't do things and like, do we have
a trauma, is there a trauma in your life that's causing you to like, I mean,
because like when I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to talk to a parent,
like to an adult.
So stuff and so like for the longest time to actually chat with people.
So I would say, hey, I think what David was sharing is amazing.
Right. Get the reps.
It's not you're capable of it.
You just need to you just need to strengthen that muscle.
And, you know, and and any time.
You don't want to do something, you ask yourself, what am I afraid of?
And that's what I do, like, you know, like, you know, with the gal like Daniel,
you get there and you're like, man, all of a sudden I have this fear.
It's like, wait, I really like this gal.
I think that's what you're you're your son's having, David.
It's like, I really like this gal and I'm
afraid that I'm going to do something wrong, but like.
Yeah, he's afraid like
he's afraid to be disingenuine,
he's afraid to be not his real self because he's like, well, this is not me.
And I'm like, well,
you kind of have to step out of yourself a little bit sometimes.
And what if you don't want to not be you, though?
I'm sorry. The thing is that I feel like I need
specifics that I need to be told specific things or what to do, because if you tell
me, go do it and I don't know what it is, I don't know what to do.
Yeah. And Andy, can I say something real quick?
This won't take long.
You're I can I can see in you like a real
logical mind, like ABC, like what do I do to ABC?
And I'm going to I've said I've talked to Mike about this and I don't I don't know
if Mike wants to throw a shoe at my face now, but go.
Like, pray, ask God to protect your eyes
and your heart and go scroll YouTube videos on attracting women.
There's some there's some good videos by a woman named Apollonia Aponte.
And I'm just going to be honest with you,
like if there's not some stuff that's a little edgy in it, it's not the right
videos now, David might say, shut up, Chris.
But I think that there's just some things
that you'll see that you'll get and you'll be like, oh, I get it.
And it's like one of the a lot of those
videos, like I've actually paid for like things like that.
And I never actually got anything out of it.
I'm kind of discouraged because I've
watched tons and tons of those kind of videos and nothing really helped me.
Like, I really feel like I need someone like literally to handhold me to it.
Like I think I feel like that's the only way I can get through it.
That's how I feel right now.
Who is someone that's in proximity to you?
That's that kind of a person that has that skill set.
Beats me.
You got to find them.
A quick suggestion for you.
If you're up for any,
just go to the supermarket and walk up to random people and just give them compliments
like, hey, I really love your shoes today.
That's a beautiful shirt.
Just simple things like that.
And just try that with complete strangers.
You know?
Hmm.
I mean, that sounds difficult, but
it does.
You're going to have me coming.
Oh, sorry. Go ahead, David.
No, that's good, because, David, I like that because, I mean,
Andy, here's the thing, we can come with a bunch of advice and we
can come a bunch of list of things right on this call, but we're not in proximity to you.
if you you need like a wingman and um if you can't find somebody in proximity to you
you're going to have to exercise this muscle like David is saying and one way to do that would be
with complete strangers because the idea the concept of why of why he's telling you to do that
is because a conversation like that gives you the opportunity to be able to learn how people react
how people would react to a compliment it opens them up usually if you give somebody a compliment
that'll open somebody up to actually have a conversation with you having more and more
conversations with just people in general teaches you the ability to be able to to you know find out
what people like and how they like to be treated this is the same way that a woman wants to be
treated you know you're like they want to be complimented they want to be um so we were saying
early though they want to feel safe and secure you have to work at that you might have to work
out a little bit harder than someone else in order to develop those relational skills but
you have to start somewhere and I think that's what David's trying to suggest you know you need
to be you need to go uh in a sort of a course of life of learning how to converse and relate
have relationship with people have relationship just on even just on a very surface level
and so that's why strangers or wherever your community is um people that are around you
you have to find somebody or pray lord send somebody across my path that could be a wingman
for me some send somebody across my path who can be a friend to show me like I think we all have
I think I can point to people that were friends of mine that I didn't ask them to do this but
they just were friends enough of mine to show me like how to be personable how to be like confident
how to be I learned these from being in relationship with other people that were around
me and I wasn't even asking for it they were just friends enough of mine that they were different
personality and I learned by observing them and said why does that guy get to talk to everybody
why does everybody like that guy why does everybody you know like always want to listen what that guy
has to say and I watched them because I was just like how does he do it what does he say you know
how does he like you know how does he endear himself so so many people you have to be a student
and observer of this and other people and then start like applying it to yourself
that's that's the short answer if you will I mean obviously you can go into more depth
anybody else have anything for this I just wanted to share uh pretty much uh early when so you guys
I shared a couple weeks ago that like my company just obliterated everybody right and so I've been
like lord I don't see any future here for this company I don't see it lasting five years
and so the guy who I replaced is a good friend of mine he moved to Apple and I was in the last
rounds of interviews with Apple and then I couldn't make it because of my experience but anyways
long story short that was like three years ago so this week my friend who moved to Apple who I took
over for he's like hey guess what um they don't hire for the Bay Area because it's too expensive
they have an Austin they have different locations but they they fill but they don't hire which is
whatever he's like hey in my department there's an opening coming up in December and this week
and this week we're gonna uh he's gonna send me the um he's gonna help me with my resume and um
and coach me on how to get through the how to get through all the interviews but I just want like
you know so like I was like lord I need a way out and then this is the job that I've been I was
trying to get three years ago you know and the Jackie was talking about full circle a couple
weeks ago on Saturday Saturday Supernatural Saturday I'm like lord what is my full circle
and I'm like I mean like this just seems like I'm just I'm just saying this is my job and it's
come it's full circle because last time when I interviewed I knew I was gonna be working there
but then it didn't work out and I was so confused
right I was like you know and so I just wanted to encourage you like the lord
working even when you don't see it hey
yeah yeah yeah yeah the lord's working we even don't see it yeah thank you for that share
um and yeah we're we're rejoicing with you and that win that sounds like it could be and
gonna be a win and a path out is your is your company a startup company
You wouldn't think it is, they've been around for 20 years,
but it really is like a 20-year-old startup.
Well, our main customer is Seagate and they're very cyclical.
And so we're putting all our eggs in that and I'm like, I just don't see it.
Well, good. I'm glad you're having some wins there.
That's so good. Thank you for sharing that.
Andy, you're going to pursue observing relationships. Yes?
Observing?
Yeah, you're going to observe people and learn from people that you're around.
And if you're not around people, then you've got to go somewhere where you're around people
and you're going to observe the...
I want you to sort of test yourself to be aware of people like,
oh, this guy seems to be successful at being complimentary or being very personable.
I need to observe this person.
And I would make it a matter of prayer and just say, Lord, I need to be around people that can show me these things
because I have developed these relational skills.
And I believe he'll start bringing and showing you things,
showing you people that can show you how to be relational.
You can do it.
I believe there's actually a unique girl that's going to find the way you are very endearing.
So I think there's a uniqueness about you and the setup that you have.
But I love the fact that you're interested, you're aware.
The fact that like, you know, this doesn't come natural to me.
Well, just a matter of, you're just going to have to work at it a little bit.
But you can do it. It's not impossible.
You don't want to wreck that sort of mindset that you have.
It is not impossible for you.
You can be relational.
There is definitely someone uniquely qualified and intricately going to be interested in you in a very endearing way.
I believe that.
Abram, what do you got?
Get your hand raised.
Can you guys hear me?
Yeah, a little bit.
My voice is shot here, so sorry, guys.
Got a little sinus crap the last couple of days.
But Andy, so I'm like you, man.
We're like analytical.
And we're like pragmatic.
And we're kind of like robotic like that.
So I relate to what you're saying on that.
And I also appreciate like direct guidance, right?
Also, like with me, because of that stuff, and I think women just operate differently than us when it comes to conflict resolution.
Like once you're in the relationship and you get to know somebody, like you have to kind of ignore your stuff and realize like it's a chick.
And they're kind of thinking the way they think, which is more emotional.
And like tone's massive.
So these are just little baby things, dude, that because you're a smart guy and, you know, you can figure that out within one second.
So we have to like not be so manly or whatever, just analytical or whatever.
And, you know, just be more like more heart with good tone.
So you could practice this with coworkers, right?
So whoever the people are that are closest to you, you practice on them, right?
You go to the grocery store and you're picking out pasta or sauce, you know, and there's a chick or even a dude, man, you know, hey, what kind of pasta do you like, bro, why?
You know?
And you can work on your tone a little bit and maybe get a little bit more social and get outside your box of hair, you know?
I read a lot of self-help books on like how to get girls back in the day, like Mac books and stuff, which work from a psychological standpoint, like stand up straight, face them, no negative body language, like you never cross your arms on a date.
So there's a lot of self-help books out there, like how to get laid, I guess.
But like for me, you know, I don't want to use those powers for bad anymore, you know?
It's not about the checking the boxes.
Yeah.
Do you know any man whores?
You got any dudes that are just walling out there, man?
Just they got all the check, like, you know, any guys like that?
Their strategies like are good, but you can't use that power for evil anymore, you know?
It's wrong.
But those guys, like you could tell those guys, man, they know how to do it.
I talk to girls, stuff like that.
So I don't know if you know any guys
that are good with the ladies.
You can maybe pick up on a couple of things.
That's my little suggestion.
Or if there's a coworker you have that, you know,
I don't know, a little stuff, but I think start with the co-workers.
I do have a friend who's kind of outgoing,
but he's awkwardly outgoing.
Like he'll say like uncomfortable things.
Oh, he tries too hard, yeah.
Tries too hard, then he gets awkward again.
That's probably not the guy.
Well, you could follow his lead the first five minutes.
You could, yeah.
Yeah, it's like, okay.
You can go so far.
He's still single.
Yeah.
This track record.
Just got to know when to say, I don't know him.
Yeah.
I don't know this dude.
He drinks too much.
It's okay.
He's a nice guy though.
And you have him reeling back.
When it comes to, where's the homie at?
Where'd he go?
Did he leave?
Who's that?
The guy that's coming on, he's having a date soon.
He's meeting up with the chick.
Yeah, Daniel.
Oh, Daniel.
Daniel, yeah.
Did he leave?
I don't think I see him.
Yeah.
Anyways, I was just wondering the setting.
Like, is he going to a restaurant or going to a park
or is he going to an event?
I would just say be cool.
Try to be cool, good posture.
You can kind of try to direct the conversation
maybe a hair, like have a little bit of a game plan.
But I say just fly by the seat of your pants, man.
Shoot, like you got nothing to lose.
Yeah, I've tried different things.
Like, I mean, again, I've read all sorts of books
and I've even paid like thousands of dollars for coaching.
And like, I really have not gotten anywhere.
Like I'm just, in the end, it's just like,
I just get this resistance of fear
and I just don't take the first step.
That's where I, that's-
Oh, because you're afraid of rejection.
I think so, probably.
Yeah, you got to get used to that.
You're a dude.
We get rejected all the time, man.
That's our lifestyle.
That's what it is.
So it's like fishing, you know,
you throw the fish out there
and you pulled up some weeds and that sucks.
You got to reset the hook and all this crap and, you know,
but you got to throw it back out there, bro.
You got nothing to lose, man.
You know, there's going to be a girl out there
that likes the bait you got on the hook.
So just know that, believe that in your heart that,
you know, there's girls out there
that are going to like you, man.
You know, I give you that power.
You have that power within you, bro.
If a girl doesn't like you, man,
hey man, that's cool.
It's all good.
You know, God bless her.
Wish her well.
And on to the next, man.
And it's not hateful.
It's not, you know, it's not, oh shit, another one.
No, that's normal, dude.
That's normal to be rejected by girls.
So I'd say get used to that, man.
That's probably step one.
Get used to getting knocked down constantly.
Constantly.
So it's all good, man.
You know, it's all good.
It's not you, it's them, right?
They just don't like you and that's okay.
And it's funny because like,
sometimes that breeds a little bit of like negative
confidence, but in a way that comes across as confidence.
You know what I'm saying?
So like, you get a little bit like,
you get a little bit, I don't want to say bitter,
but it's kind of like, you get a little bit like,
you get a little bit of bitterness saying like,
oh, this is going to happen again.
They should get us to reject me.
And they're like, well, no, no, no, wait.
Well, I was going to reject you.
And I was like, well, yeah,
you were just kind of setting up because you're like,
you've been through it so many times.
You start writing the script and you start playing it out.
And I'm like, hold on, hold on.
Like, no, I wasn't going to reject.
And then, and then now you sort of like turn the table
sometimes in this way to where, you know,
you go through this a little bit.
Salespeople go through this all the time.
They're like, they just want to go through the no's.
Just let me get to the no's because there's definitely
a yes out there for sure.
So that's the thing, Andy, that's what you don't believe.
You believe it's all no's.
And the thing about it is, is that's not true.
I, my, one of my best friends who was my wingman
when I met Jackie told me in unsavory terms,
there are, he goes, you only know one type of woman.
You've only been married to one type of woman
and you dated her since you were really in high school.
And she ever only knew that that was like,
you think all women are like your ex-wife.
He said, that's not true.
There's women that will blah, blah, blah.
And he like listed like explicitly what they would do
to you, like in like sexual ways.
And I don't want to get into that,
but I'm just saying he was making a point to say,
there are women that would do all sorts of things
for you, with you.
Like there are all types of different women
that would just be like totally different
than anybody you've ever met.
My point in saying that is that there is definitely a yes.
You just have to get through the no's to get to that yes.
So, for you, it's a no until it's a yes.
And so, if you're truly, truly trying to pursue, you know, trying to find the one, then, you
know, if that's your goal, I asked this a month or so ago, remember when I asked all
of us?
I was like, what is your number one life goal right now?
Is it to be married?
If it is, then that is prime objective, number one.
Like everything that's in your life, other than what you've got to do in order to stay
employed and stay going and all that kind of stuff.
Everything else goes to, this is what I'm pursuing in my life, my life partner.
If it's that important, then you're going to have to pursue it, you know, much more
than maybe just like, well, I spent a bunch of money and I took a bunch of courses and
then, you know, then I'm just kind of waiting for this to come.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
If it means literally like some of the guys were saying here, going to the supermarket
and actually engaging people to learn how to talk to people and be relational, then
I guess that's what it's going to take.
And that scares the hell out of you, then let it and just face it and do it and like
become good at it.
Let it excite you to like how scary this is.
You have to like confront it and that, and you know, we, we all have situations like
that.
It may not be necessarily the relational thing.
We all have things that we are afraid to cross, but we have to, as men who are going to like
know facing your fears, some, some men are facing the thing that easily besets them.
A part of their lifestyle, a part of their, their sin nature, a part of their flesh that
they don't want to let go of.
They're like, they know they need to, they want to, but they're afraid to because they
don't know what it's going to be like if they don't have that security blanket.
Every single one of us have something that is our security blanket.
We could get into a bunch of details on that, but I think everybody understands what I'm
talking about.
Like there's something, I mean, just what is it, you know, for you that is you're afraid
of it's, it's a fear that's like, I don't know if, if I don't have this, I don't have
control over that in my life.
I don't know what it's going to be like, you know, and this part of is with you is the
sort of like people, so it's like, I'm so introverted, I'm so into my own head space
that I don't know how to deal with people.
You have to cross your fear of just getting to know people and being able to relate to
people to have that relational part of it.
And that is exciting.
I think for all of us to sit here and go, Andy, you can do this.
I'm excited to see what's going to happen next, you know?
So anyway, do you receive that at all?
I know it's scary, but receive, what do you mean receive?
Do you like, do you like, are you encouraged to like, Hey, I'm going to try this?
Well, I still feel like terrified, like, well, of course you do, but that doesn't, that's
irrelevant.
Of course you feel terrified.
We all feel terrified to do something.
It's like, it's so awkward because it's like, what do I even say to someone random?
Like, it's like, I don't have anything to talk to these people about.
Like, no, that's what David was saying is that the opener to the conversation is a compliment.
I'll tell you how simple it is, tonight at the gym, I just saw this girl, I mean, she
had a Jesus loves you sticker and I said, Hey, I like your sticker.
Yeah.
That's it.
Have a good one.
What did that do?
Yeah.
She smiled, said, thank you.
And then, you know, on our way.
Yeah.
And then 10 times, 20 times of doing that, right.
Just having that interaction.
You'll begin to see patterns of people, how they open up, especially, and this is why
compliments work well, because nobody expects to just get a random compliment like that.
That's just kind of awkward.
But at the same time, if you get to doing it, you will find eventually at some point
somebody will open up and they're like, Oh, you know, somebody wants to have a conversation
And they'll talk to them and you'll have a conversation.
And then through that conversation.
You will learn how to be relatable, how to be interesting, how to, how to
say the right thing, and then that conversation will end and then you'll do
it again, and the more you do that, the better you will get at it, literally.
Just like you, Andy, that are hoping it's someone would just say hi to them.
It's so true.
Guess what, bro?
All right.
From now on, you're going to hold, you're going to, you're going to
always have in your pocket a pen.
Okay.
And you know what you're going to do?
This thing is going to fly out of your pocket and you're just going to
accidentally, you know, just going to like be thrown at somebody
that you want to say something to.
Oh my God.
I dropped my pen.
Are you okay?
Are you bleeding?
You know, carry a pen on you, dude.
Anyone you want to talk to, you just throw it at them.
Sorry, my French, throw it at them.
You know, don't aim for their eyes, dude.
That's messed up.
Just throw it at their ankles.
And Oh my God.
Are you, you know, that could be a fun exercise, bro.
Like random, do it to an old guy who cares ninja assassin shit up.
I'm so sorry.
You okay.
You hit anything broken you need?
Yeah.
Just anything on you at all times, bro.
Okay.
That's my Tuesday.
I'm sorry.
Anything that can start a conversation.
You need the reps, man.
And, um, I mean, the other thing at this, I think Abram was saying, and I
thought this was, I thought this, I think it's, he said this, like, what is
it that you would want somebody to say to you, are you thinking in your head
ever, like, I wish somebody would say hi to me or wish somebody would like
engage me and ask me a question.
I wish somebody, but interested in what I think about, right.
Do you ever have those thoughts?
Yeah.
Well, I, you know, now that I come to think of it, there was one time I
did say something to like a couple of weeks ago, there was like, I was at the,
um, the organic before I lose, before I lose the thought, my encouragement is,
is that you be the person that you want to be to you.
Does that make sense?
Like, if you're thinking, I want somebody to reach out to me.
I want somebody to engage me.
I want somebody to be interested in me.
You be that first for a while.
You be that person that's inquiring, that's complimenting, that's engaging,
that is curious about someone else.
I tell you what, you, you, you get curious about other people.
You're going to start engaging in relational conversations and
you'll get to know people.
And then you will get the reps of learning how to have these
conversations, how to engage people, how to like be interested in what they're
doing and, and that will lead into more things in a relationship than you can
imagine.
I think Kenton had a really good point.
Like talk to the mirror, get used to talking to yourself.
Like, I mean, get, talk to yourself, like practice on yourself
and then go out and do it.
But I think the real thing, Andy, is even if you go out and you fail and you flop
and people are like, whatever, but you, you, you won.
But it's not about having a great conversation.
It's not about, it's just about doing it and getting through the fear and keep it.
You know, I wouldn't maim anybody.
I mean, you know, Abrams, like, you know, like, you know, kill somebody with a pen.
But like, you know, it's a great point, you know, like anything that will get you.
Um, so like when I'm evangelizing, I usually try to have a shirt or something
that's provocative, right?
Like that starts a conversation, right?
Like I, or I notice people's shirts, if you see them with a sports team that you
understand and you go, Hey, how are they doing?
Right.
Really simple.
Like, or like you have a great, you know, um, Have a great day.
I mean, maybe just said that said, Hey, have like any, whatever feels like you
are actually, it's not going to feel like you, cause you don't feel like doing it,
but, but do something simple and just go fail, go win, go do both.
Right.
Like, and you know, really it won't fail.
Anything you do is a win.
And if you're a statistics guy, if you know, keep track, like, Hey, I had 20
conversations this week and this is how they, I mean, if that makes sense to you,
that shows you that gives you confidence to numerically evaluate, qualitatively
evaluate that quantitatively, excuse me, evaluate that then.
And that proves that your success to do it.
And yeah, Andy, try to put yourself here.
Hi, Andy.
I want to just.
this that, you know, in anything and everything, we're never going to get better at anything
without practicing how to do it, you know? And yeah, the first couple of conversations
might be awkward, but they'll get better. And it's usually more awkward to us than it
is to others. Like we're like, oh, that was a terrible conversation or that was so awkward
or, you know, usually the person's walking away. The other person's not walking away
thinking the same thing that you're thinking, right. Right. They're really not. And a lot
of people have grace for that. Cause a lot of people have social anxiety, a lot more
people than you think have social anxiety. So just remember you might feel anxious, but
the other person might feel anxious too. And so don't just don't project and feel like,
oh, they're confident and I'm anxious. No, that's not true.
Not true. So what's the number guys. Here's the, here's what I want to do. We're going
to throw out a number and we're going to like expect Andy to have at least accomplished
this particular number by next week, we're going to get him a goal. So how many, how
many numbers, three, I started with 20, but anyway, go ahead. Three, three, what? Conversation
starters. That's it. Three people. Oh, three people. Okay. Or get signed up to help or
volunteer in a position that's going to make you talk to people. A greeter at church. I
went to Pennsylvania. I went to Pennsylvania and knocked doors during the election. And
part of the reason, cause I felt passionate about it, but part of the reason was that's
a good way to like face some uncomfortable, you know, like stairs and stuff like that
is like to get out there and be like, well, I don't really care what you think of me.
Cause I'm going to try to like, when you to my side. Yeah. And so my, I said in the chat,
my dad, uh, during grad school, the door to door book sales for this very reason, cause
he wanted to get out of himself. Yeah. Powerful. Ken, what do you have there?
One quick is my I'm 65 years age, but I'm super, I don't like, I can't find women, anybody
who can keep up to me. So my question is what about 10 to 15 years younger than oneself
and what is the community? What is the community? What does the community think? I think about
or look upon older gentlemen dating somewhere that could be 10, 15 years younger than they
are. I mean, it's, it's the, the women particularly don't like it. Yeah. The younger, the younger
women particularly are usually not into it. Um, um, that's, this will be found across
the community. Um, it would be better for you to find somebody who is an equal. So one
of the things that Jackie says all the time is that we're not necessarily matching age
as much as we're at matching lifestyle, you know? So it can be a difference in age of
five, 10, 15 years. It can, it's not impossible. That's not like a no, no. It's just that what
we found is like fishing in that pond becomes, it usually doesn't work out, but that is not
to say that there isn't, I mean, there isn't someone that, that happens to be that much
younger than you, that, that you, that you match with or that you meet or that you have
a relationship. It's just like, it's not like a, like an impossibility, but at the same
time, you know, lifestyle, you know, yeah. If you're an active person, then you're looking
for another active person. I don't know. Kenton, how old are you? Sixty-five. Sixty-five.
You did say that, right? Sixty-five. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just find that I'm so, I'm very
active in having anybody. It's almost impossible. And it's not an idea of, I want somebody who
can, can not just keep, but enjoy everything that we do together. No fears about doing
things with them that they love doing. Yeah. Because I've done that. I mean, I was married
for 36 years. Yeah. So I understand that. I mean, you could definitely, I mean, 65,
you could definitely go down to 55 for sure. Typically this is, this is what happens. Typically
a women, especially, and Jackie can speak to this. She says it all the time and I hear
women particularly are concerned about someone, a man who is much older than they are, whether
it's five, 10 years, because they they just imagine the forecast, the future, regardless
of how active they are. They do not want to be, women feel this way. This is what women feel.
They do not want to be stuck with someone.
and that they have to take care of in their older, older age.
And so if it's too much older,
then that is a very, very, very common concern
and fear for women.
And I'm not saying that's gonna happen.
I'm not gonna say it, but that is just what women,
that's where they're coming from
in that scenario, specifically.
Oh, now Jackie's setting you up.
She wants to put you on a dating game tomorrow.
Do it.
I'm working, sorry.
I'm working at a camp up north,
so I don't get home till 10.30 tomorrow night.
She's like, oh, how convenient now.
She's like, oh, it's super convenient.
But we'll have to make another time
where you can do that, because I'm sure that,
like, you just need maybe some exposure
in the community too, so be good.
Small bit of a benefit for you, Ken.
I'm 40 years old.
I've been doing a MRF every day for the past 46 days.
That's a mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups,
300 squats, another mile run with a 20-pound pack.
There are people that are 10 to 15 years younger than me
that are not in that type of shape.
So it's not just about being physically active
and enjoying physical activity,
but also finding that right tempered maturity
in someone as well.
So just keep your heart and your mind open.
Thank you much, David.
I appreciate that, because it's maturity element as well too.
I mean, I'm a retired police officer
as well as a retired pastor.
So when it comes to knowledge of scriptures,
knowledge of Christianity, a lot of women today
just haven't picked up their Bible since I'd read it.
Really?
What's scary about it?
I'm in Canada, in Alberta.
Yeah, but I'm not afraid to go to the States.
So I can move anywhere
because all I need is a major airport to fly up.
That's, and I fly in and out of a camp.
So I can live anywhere in the world, actually.
Cool beans, powerful.
I just want to encourage you.
Like God has somebody set up.
He knows where you're at.
He knows your heart, right?
I mean, I feel like I'm in an impossible situation
finding somebody that can spiritually,
that we can walk the same line, right?
What, as well as a physically,
like we're, cause I'm always active too.
But you know, God has somebody specifically for you.
And I mean, everybody on this call,
he knows your intricacies, he knows your wiring.
And before the beginning of time, he planned it.
And you know, what you've done in the past
does not determine your future
because he already took that into account.
Yeah, I hear what you're saying there, Mike.
It's very true.
I agree with you.
Just comes to, I can hear for other people from the Lord,
but I can't hear for myself.
It's like, when Lord?
And he's not talking.
He's working, I know.
I've been to the same boat.
I can hear fine for everybody.
Rhodes.
Rhodes for me.
So I don't know if it's just that thing,
but you know, he'll let you know.
That's good.
I hear you.
Yeah, and the other guys,
just so you know, we are working as hard as we can
on the Spiritmate match.
Really getting those matches qualified and cultivated.
Everybody wants the same results right now.
And so it's difficult to give everybody that
all at the same time.
But we're really trying to refine that
because that tool is new to us.
So we had to get the data in there
in order to actually get it to go,
you know, for it to do anything.
And then we're cultivating that on a hard work coach level
to really, really make those matches.
And so I just want to encourage you with that.
We're trying our best to really, within the community,
be able to show people who match up and show you that
so that you can begin to reach out and find out,
you know, if there's a true match,
if there's a true possibility there.
And so it's going to be good.
What's up, Kenton?
One more question about that.
I know when I threw in my resume,
because sometimes it feels like a resume.
Mine was a mishmash.
I didn't realize it was going to be something
that was going to be formally out there.
So how do we get a proper profile put in?
So you should be able to,
you should be able to go spiritmatematch.com.
And it will bring in the login page.
And you should be able to easily log in with the email
that you filled out the thing with.
And if you forgot the password,
just hit the forgot password thing,
and it should email you the ability to reset a password.
you should be able to go into your own profile
and update it constantly.
Just refine it, add stuff, add pictures,
whatever you want to do,
should be able to go right in there and do it.
It's not too unintuitive.
I mean, it's pretty basic.
But I would encourage everyone to go in there
and just refine your stuff.
And just as you're thinking about things,
like, oh, maybe that's not actually accurate of me.
Maybe there's more things I can put in there.
Maybe I shouldn't say all of this.
Maybe I should change it into here.
Use a little bit of chat GPT,
make yourself really look good, you know,
like whatever you have to do in order to, like,
you know, make your profile, you know, best foot forward.
So...
Does it have a download for a Word file?
I'm sorry?
A download for a Word file.
Is there a download?
Yeah, can I put in a proper profile
by just...
I don't know. I don't think you can add.
I don't think you can add documents or anything to it.
Okay.
Yeah, I don't think you can.
But you definitely could copy and, like,
if you have good copy or, like, a paragraph that, like,
is your bio or that describes you well
and you want to copy and paste,
just bring it over into that.
You can do that.
Okay, good. That's good.
Should be able to.
All right, guys.
We're well past our time, but, I mean, a good conversation.
I really enjoy getting to some meat of this stuff.
It's good stuff.
Thank you, guys, for...
Thank you, guys, for being here tonight.
DJ, you have your hand raised.
I just want to make sure you got a comment,
you got a question.
DJ, are you with us there, bro?
Yeah, I had a problem on muting.
Sorry, my phone doesn't want to respond here.
I get it.
I guess I just wanted just a quick comment
just about the age gap thing,
because, like, I mean, I just turned, like, 50 this year,
and I don't know.
I guess, not that it's a hard and fast thing,
but basically you're saying that most women
don't really want more than, like,
I guess, like, a 5- to 10-year kind of gap kind of thing.
So then that puts it at a place where, like,
children are kind of out of the picture,
you know, in my case, you know what I'm saying?
I'm not saying it's a hard and fast rule,
but, you know what I'm saying?
I just want to get a sense of what reality is
and not be, like, off in dream-o, dream-o land,
you know what I mean?
I mean, it's not entirely out of the realm.
I mean, you've got a lot more options
than just natural children, of course, right?
There are a lot of situations where people
have their own children that bring into the relationship
blended family, I mean, so many different things.
Hi, guys.
All right, let me speak to that.
Here's the peanut gallon coming back.
So it doesn't have anything to do with age, OK?
Women do, they do get a little weirded out
when they think that older men, you know,
are just trolling for younger women, all right?
That's not the situation with any of you, OK?
For those of you that, for whatever reason,
you didn't get married and you're hoping to have kids
still, women, just so you know,
women can have babies into their 40s.
They can, OK?
That's some kind of weird advanced maternal age
medical thing that, you know,
most women don't go into perimenopause
until they're about 45, and then menopause,
I think the average age is, like, 53.
And so not that a woman that age
would want to still have children,
but women definitely have babies into their mid,
late 30s, early 40s, mid 40s.
And so I just really want you to keep that in mind.
Yeah.
And get your big head.
OK, so we both have hats on.
I just made homemade broccoli and cheese soup over there.
I know, baby, I love it.
Thank you.
We have amazing women in this group, you guys.
We do.
I mean, we do.
We have amazing women in this group.
And all of you, your spotlights are going out.
They're going out to our email list.
People are emailing in.
Some of you have still been in your hard work,
and you've been like, hey, I don't
want to be spotlighted yet.
Like, Steven, you know, he's been like, hey,
I'm doing my hard work.
You know, that's cool.
But there isn't any reason.
I don't know, did you tell them that all the men
from our group, they get matched.
Now, obviously not all of our women
get matched within our group because there's way
more of them than you guys.
But most of the men that come in on subscription,
like come into the program, not just the challenge group,
they get matched.
they actually meet someone here.
We have a lot of men that go in.
And I always tell them that all the men from our group,
So, you know, they meet someone here,
they meet someone because of here, one or the other.
they get matched.
And so the odds are in your favor.
Now, obviously not all of our women
get matched within our group because there's
So I want you guys to really be encouraged.
You know, you might still be in process
doing your hard work, different things are happening,
but we are, you know, we are putting you guys out there.
And for those of you that are like,
hey, I'm still hoping to have kids.
There's no reason why you can't have kids.
There's no reason why you can't end up with a woman
who's late thirties, somewhere in there,
wanting to have babies.
So don't get depressed about it.
Yeah, it's not a rule out.
It's not a hard, I mean, I think as guys
will tend to like make a hard and fast,
like pretty black and white, you know, like,
and DJ is like, look, I just want you to be,
I just want to set expectations, you know,
I want to be like, you know, make this hard and,
you know, fast, just tell me now, rip off the Band-Aid.
Like, you know, and I'm like,
that's probably not that extreme.
So yeah, there's definitely possibility.
Yeah, but Spiritmate match.
Did you, have you filled out your Spiritmate match profile?
I haven't done that yet.
I'm still like on week three,
it's taking me longer to get through the hard work
because there's just been, it's a lot of hard stuff
that's kind of hit the fan this year.
Yeah, just one thing super quick is just,
I've realized for many, many years,
I kept stuffing emotions and it's very toxic.
And now I have to deal with all that backlog now this year.
So, yeah.
Well, I believe that, I believe that God,
I believe, you know, yeah, it can be laborious.
I'll tell you that for sure.
It can be laborious.
And the more you return to it and you get better at it.
It's like, I get better at problem solving,
you know, type of thing.
It's kind of like one of those things.
So the better you get at processing hard work,
the faster it goes, you know?
So you don't have to feel like it's gotta be
just continual suck fest all the time.
It's gonna be like, I've got trauma,
I'm gonna get rid of it.
I'm just gonna deal with it.
I'm dealing with it.
I'm dealing with, I'm dealing with it.
Uncover, uncover, uncover.
The better you get at problem solving
and doing the hard work, the faster it'll go.
So be encouraged, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
Yeah.
Thank you, I appreciate that.
So guys, God bless.
Have a great week.
It's awesome tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Spirit by Match, dating game tomorrow.
Jackie's, you know, mentioning that
from the peanut gallery again.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Don't eat too much.
Enjoy yourselves.
God bless, guys.
Happy Thanksgiving.
God bless, man.
Yeah.