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Awesome. There we go. All right. So ladies, welcome to your phase two one o'clock live

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check-in call. It is November 26. It's the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Hopefully everybody's

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getting everything prepped and ready and ready for the holiday. As I said before, we do have

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that special session tonight that y'all are going to get invited to. It's going to be

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a dating game. So you're going to get a little preview of what it will be like when you ladies

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are finished with your phase two content and you move over to phase three. So it's just

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a little sneak peek, if you will. So make sure that if you are available tonight that

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you get to do that. For those ladies that don't know me, I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one

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of your phase two dating coaches here at last year's single. How many of you, I know there's

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just four of you, and I remember Brittany from last week. Is there anybody that's new

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to phase two? Yes, Jill. Welcome. So glad to have you. Maria, she is also new to phase

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two. Ladies, it's so good to have you with us. So yeah, I'm Carla Johnson. I am a success

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story from last year's single. When I joined, it was actually called Married in 12 Months

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or Less, but it's still the same content. So we've just morphed it to now it's called

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last year's single. So I've been in it for some time. I can tell you I did finally meet

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my husband. It felt like it took forever. But I assure you, God has some of the best

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love stories. And so I couldn't have written it myself. So as, as you spend time here in

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phase two, and I'm sure and then to phase three, you'll probably get a little bit of

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my success story at times. So just keep that in mind. We've all all of us coaches have

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been there. We know what what you're going through. Some of our coaches are still single

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and they're in it with you. Okay. I can give you the perspective of what it's like after

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but I assure you, all the things that I'm coaching you on. I was coached to do the same

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thing. And sometimes I was stubborn about it. So just understand if you're stubborn

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with me, any of the coaches, I totally get it because I was that too. Alright, so just

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a couple of housekeeping things. Just a friendly reminder, make sure that you show up in groups

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so like you all are here with me live here in our sessions, that's always when you're

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going to get the most bang for your buck. Alright, is coming to the session. This is

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like that, that that time that you get to have some little extra one on one coaching

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if you will. Okay, it's just in a smaller group. So that's the cool thing about phase

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two is that we're a smaller group than the phase three. So when we come to these little

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meetings, it's a little more quaint and more personable. Okay, so definitely make sure

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that you're coming to these live calls if you can make it and showing up in our app

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as well. So share with us what's happening. And all those posts can be anything with whether

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you're dating or not. So maybe you're like me, and you took some time to jump into the

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dating pool. Okay, it took me over a year being in this program before I really was

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like, okay, let's go. And even then, Jackie was pushing me out of the nest to do it. But

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even coming to us here, even if you're not dating, like what hard work things are happening?

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What is God highlighting to you? What are you enjoying about the content? What maybe

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is stretching you from the content? Whatever it is that you want to share with us, please,

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please, please make sure that you come and let us know in the app. Okay, so create those posts.

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And then if you have questions, us coaches are here to answer those questions. Okay.

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Just a reminder, because we got a couple newbies on one training video a week. All right. I know

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it's good stuff, and you want to just get it all in. But take your time with it. Okay, one video a

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week, process it. And, and then share with us what you processed about that video. Because I get a

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lot of ladies, I always see this at least a couple times a month, I get the question,

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I'm done with my content in phase two, how do I get to phase three? And some of y'all pop in there

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asking the question, and I haven't seen your face on a live, and I haven't seen a post created in

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the app from you. I'm like, who is this new person? They're done with the content. I'm like,

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I don't even know who they are. All right. I know last week, Bethany filled in for me. And I know

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that she was talking with you ladies about the wallflower, how sometimes it's really easy that

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we go through the hard work and sometimes pulling you out.

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to come and get vulnerable in phase one,

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it takes some time, and then you move to phase two

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and you kind of go back to the,

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I'm just gonna sit back and watch.

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Ladies, we want you engaging.

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That's where you're gonna get the most growth.

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And I say this because I've done it, okay?

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So know that I've been there.

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I know sometimes it's hard to get vulnerable,

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but I will tell you, when you get in marriage,

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there's times of vulnerability.

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All right?

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So just, it's a preparation period.

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It's your time to grow and prepare for what God has for you

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in that next season, which we believe is marriage for you.

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Okay?

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Again, connect with your sisters and community.

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I know that this was one of the activations

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that Bethany had from last week.

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So I'm curious, did anyone on here

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happen to connect with any of your sisters

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here in this community?

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Anybody?

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I know there was someone who made a post

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about living in Northern California.

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Was that any of you ladies?

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Mackenzie?

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Yeah.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I made it.

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I haven't connected with the person yet,

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but I'm gonna just reach out.

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I'm just gonna give her my phone number on there.

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I wasn't really sure how the best way to do that is,

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because I know it says like, don't reach out to people.

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So I wanted to, like, is it okay if I just put

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my phone number and have her reach out to me, type thing?

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Absolutely.

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This is a safer community in phase two,

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so that's totally fine.

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I know Bethany was sharing even last week,

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it is a little harder in our app now

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because we can't make those direct messages.

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Where if you're on Facebook, you could.

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Just know that when you ladies move over to phase three,

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you'll still have the app,

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but then there's also an option

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to have the Facebook group as well.

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And it's a much bigger community.

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But yeah, for right now, definitely connect

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with the ladies that are here in phase two.

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So if you wanna drop your number in there

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and shoot a text.

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I know Bethany even said, hey,

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if God is just highlighting someone to you,

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start praying for that person.

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Maybe you haven't made that connection yet,

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but if God is highlighting something to you,

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let's start building that sisterhood.

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I will tell you just from my own experience

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being in this community,

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I built so many friendships from here.

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Many of them were invited to my wedding.

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A couple of the ladies were bridesmaids of mine.

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One of the women, she was my wedding planner.

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Like it was just, I mean, it was crazy.

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It was just really, really awesome.

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I've been to so many weddings

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from this community of friends and stuff.

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So just, yeah, build that relationship.

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So Mackenzie, I love that you just were bold

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and you went for it.

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I also will encourage you, like Mackenzie was sharing,

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like she lives in Northern California and I live in Texas,

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but my husband and I,

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we spent our one year anniversary in Napa

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and I just felt in love, in love with that region.

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And so one thing that's really cool is

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maybe you don't live in the same community

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as some of your sisters,

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but maybe if you like to travel like me,

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travel and like meet people there.

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I was living in Florida before I met my husband

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and I was in this community.

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I've been to Texas, I've been to Atlanta.

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Some of the women that were living in North Carolina,

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Virginia, a couple of Georgia, one Missouri, one Ohio,

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they came to Florida and would visit me.

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I would go out to lunch with them.

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There was one, we had a whole girls weekend.

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We had a girls weekend and it was over my birthday.

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And so one came from Georgia, one came from Ohio,

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one came from Missouri and we rented an Airbnb

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and like had a weekend in Tampa.

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And then Jackie and David last minute decided

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they wanted in on the night too.

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So they ended up coming and we had this like little meetup.

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So it was really, really cool.

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So even if someone doesn't live where you live,

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maybe someone lives where you wanna go travel.

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So be thinking of that too.

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Like now y'all know McKinsey lives in North California.

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So if you wanna go have a good time and you're like,

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oh, in a few months I'm going there, connect with McKinsey.

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Y'all could probably plan something meetup, all right?

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So definitely, I love that some of you did that activation.

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I'm curious, did anybody else do any

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of the other activations this week?

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I know I saw some photos of flowers.

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I know Brittany, she had a beautiful bouquet

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and her hair was just like gorgeous and her smile.

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I mean, she was stunning, all right?

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And I know there were a couple others.

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I think someone had these beautiful, vibrant yellow,

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I don't know if they were sunflowers or not.

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I can't recall.

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And they even had like a red,

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I could see their red sleeve and the yellow.

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It was pretty.

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I was like, that's a great little color combo.

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Did anybody else happen to?

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If you did.

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Go ahead and unmute, let us know what you did,

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how did it, did it ignite anything in you?

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Let us know what you experienced in doing that activation.

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Anybody?

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I know Brittany did, I know she did.

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She said she went to, was it Anthropology?

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Yeah, I went to Anthropology to just look around after work

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and I was like, oh, maybe I'll just look at like

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a couple of shirts and just kind of browse

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because it was a tie is very expensive in that store.

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I'm like, oh yeah, I don't wanna spend that kind of money.

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So I like pulled a dress, like I just like, you know,

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this is really out of my element,

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I'm just gonna try on this dress.

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And I went into the fitting room to try on the dress

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and it was very pretty, not really my style,

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it was more like a Western type feel,

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but it was just really nice to be able to try on a dress,

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something way out of what I would ever buy.

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And the lady who works there was just very nice,

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like they're mostly like nice people that work there.

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And so we were just got in the chatting

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and we talked about like the scarves and she's like,

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oh yeah, we're having a Black Friday sale, you know,

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like those scarves, she's like, yeah, they're expensive.

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She's like, I always wait till they go on sale, you know?

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And it was just really nice to be able to just connect

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with someone that was really there.

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And really just, you know, have a really nice conversation.

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And it was just, it just really felt like feminine.

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It had nothing to do with like anything else

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outside of work, it was just like,

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hey, I'm here as a customer, let's try on a dress.

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Just enjoy your time.

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Just enjoy, yeah, like I really enjoyed my time

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and it was just really fun.

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Good, I'm glad.

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And then you're also putting into practice

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talking with a stranger.

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And ladies, when you all start dating,

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you're talking with strangers.

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It's no different than someone that's helping you out

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at a clothing store.

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So she was able to, Brittany was able

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to strike up conversation.

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And you know what, I would even encourage you

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next time you do this, Brittany,

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and you start having like good dialogue with someone,

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especially when you're talking with another,

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like another female, talk about being single, you know?

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You never know.

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I mean, you could tell her about this program.

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Maybe you can, you know, have her join this community.

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Maybe you connect that way.

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Maybe you build a friendship.

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And someone's like, hey, like you're really fun to talk to,

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let's go grab coffee sometime.

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And then who knows?

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Maybe they have a connection to your husband.

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You never know.

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But again, it's just, it's about getting comfortable

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of just having dialogue with someone that you don't know.

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At the end of the day, that's what dating is.

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And that's what I want you ladies

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to kind of help that perspective.

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Because I know, I'm just curious,

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and I would think at least half of you

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will raise your hand on this.

242
00:13:04.680 --> 00:13:06.160
You go into a first date and you're like,

243
00:13:06.160 --> 00:13:08.000
is he my husband?

244
00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:10.920
You start fantasizing, right?

245
00:13:10.920 --> 00:13:14.720
I know, I see some heads, I see some smiles, right?

246
00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:17.400
Mackenzie's taking a cup of, a sip of her coffee,

247
00:13:17.400 --> 00:13:18.480
and the guest is, because she's like,

248
00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:21.520
yep, that's me, I'm gonna hide behind my coffee.

249
00:13:21.520 --> 00:13:25.200
Totally, like I did that too, ladies, before this program.

250
00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:26.040
Right?

251
00:13:26.040 --> 00:13:28.080
And I will even say, even when I was in this program,

252
00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:31.680
there were times I did that as well still, okay?

253
00:13:31.680 --> 00:13:34.880
So even though we're giving you these tips and this advice

254
00:13:34.880 --> 00:13:38.040
and this feedback, it's not a,

255
00:13:38.040 --> 00:13:41.280
like you have to do things perfectly.

256
00:13:41.280 --> 00:13:42.120
All right?

257
00:13:43.160 --> 00:13:47.960
Okay, you might have some little feedback,

258
00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:50.200
some little roadblocks, a little tripping, okay?

259
00:13:50.200 --> 00:13:52.760
That's gonna happen, all right?

260
00:13:52.760 --> 00:13:56.080
But when you don't share it with us,

261
00:13:56.080 --> 00:13:59.240
and you hide from those things,

262
00:13:59.240 --> 00:14:01.640
then we can't help you grow and coach you.

263
00:14:01.640 --> 00:14:03.600
So that's why, again, it's important to make sure

264
00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:05.200
that you're coming into community

265
00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:07.600
and sharing with us what those things look like.

266
00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:10.560
And there's no shame and there's no guilt with it.

267
00:14:10.560 --> 00:14:11.400
All right?

268
00:14:11.400 --> 00:14:13.560
So just keep that in mind, all right?

269
00:14:13.560 --> 00:14:16.960
But I love that some of you ladies did that activation.

270
00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:18.680
Couple more things before we move on.

271
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And I pray, don't forget ladies to go into our app

272
00:14:23.040 --> 00:14:25.640
and like just peruse it,

273
00:14:25.640 --> 00:14:28.680
get familiar with where things are at, okay?

274
00:14:28.680 --> 00:14:32.320
Like your trainings, your replays, the events.

275
00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:36.120
I know a lot of people are like, I can't get to the call.

276
00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:38.000
And it's like, just go to your events.

277
00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:40.360
It's like, you can literally click on it.

278
00:14:40.360 --> 00:14:42.120
Just make sure you're logged into Zoom

279
00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:43.480
because sometimes there might be a hiccup,

280
00:14:43.520 --> 00:14:47.920
but that meeting ID is right there for you as well.

281
00:14:47.920 --> 00:14:50.960
I always copy and paste it and put it in my Zoom.

282
00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:55.360
And then the password is there for you as well.

283
00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:58.880
And then lastly, just make sure that when you are posting,

284
00:14:58.880 --> 00:15:00.080
creating a post or.

285
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.760
If you're responding in the roll call

286
00:15:03.760 --> 00:15:05.960
and a coach responds to you,

287
00:15:05.960 --> 00:15:09.360
and you're gonna go back and respond to one of us coaches,

288
00:15:09.360 --> 00:15:14.000
click the reply button under the coach.

289
00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:15.440
Sometimes what happens,

290
00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:18.760
and I can't remember if it was Melanie or Maria or McKenzie,

291
00:15:18.760 --> 00:15:20.280
I can't remember who it was,

292
00:15:21.520 --> 00:15:23.640
created a post and I responded,

293
00:15:23.640 --> 00:15:28.000
and she replied, but she replied under her post.

294
00:15:28.040 --> 00:15:30.560
So I didn't get the notification right away.

295
00:15:30.560 --> 00:15:31.720
And it took me a while.

296
00:15:31.720 --> 00:15:34.080
And then I was like, I had clicked on something

297
00:15:34.080 --> 00:15:35.960
and saw that she had replied a couple of times.

298
00:15:35.960 --> 00:15:37.840
I'm like, oh, I didn't even see that.

299
00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:41.280
So just make sure that you click reply

300
00:15:41.280 --> 00:15:43.800
and we'll get those notifications.

301
00:15:43.800 --> 00:15:44.840
It just makes it a little easier.

302
00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:46.800
I know sometimes it's a little tedious,

303
00:15:46.800 --> 00:15:49.560
but if you can do your best, that's great.

304
00:15:49.560 --> 00:15:51.960
Okay, well, I'm gonna pray us in,

305
00:15:52.800 --> 00:15:54.720
but before I do, did anybody wanna,

306
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.760
like I know over the last couple of weeks,

307
00:15:56.760 --> 00:15:58.120
we've given you that activation.

308
00:15:58.120 --> 00:16:01.640
If you wanted to come to a coaching call

309
00:16:01.640 --> 00:16:03.240
here at one o'clock or eight,

310
00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:06.440
and you wanted some feedback about how you looked

311
00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:07.920
and were presenting yourself

312
00:16:07.920 --> 00:16:09.320
if you were doing like a Zoom day,

313
00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:11.640
is there anybody, just raise your hand

314
00:16:11.640 --> 00:16:12.880
or your avatar hand,

315
00:16:12.880 --> 00:16:17.000
did anybody today come ready to get some feedback?

316
00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:18.800
Because I will make space for that too.

317
00:16:18.800 --> 00:16:22.240
I think everybody, we good?

318
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:26.520
Anytime you ladies wanna come to one of our live sessions

319
00:16:27.280 --> 00:16:31.480
and you want some feedback about what you're presenting like

320
00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:34.720
because we do encourage you ladies to jump on Zoom calls.

321
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:36.920
Okay, sometimes y'all are online dating,

322
00:16:36.920 --> 00:16:39.800
they may not live fairly close to you

323
00:16:39.800 --> 00:16:43.800
and you wanna kind of get a face-to-face Zoom call going,

324
00:16:43.800 --> 00:16:45.080
you still wanna present, right?

325
00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:47.000
You still wanna look nice, right?

326
00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:51.840
We did this in my time in the program

327
00:16:51.840 --> 00:16:53.840
when it was Married in 12 Months.

328
00:16:53.880 --> 00:16:57.560
Jackie, literally, like we all came like ready.

329
00:16:57.560 --> 00:16:59.640
Like we had all our lights and everything,

330
00:16:59.640 --> 00:17:01.680
we had our hair and makeup done

331
00:17:01.680 --> 00:17:04.599
and our backgrounds like ready

332
00:17:04.599 --> 00:17:07.160
and she just gave us feedback, okay?

333
00:17:07.160 --> 00:17:10.880
And then we ended up doing like a co-ed session

334
00:17:10.880 --> 00:17:13.240
and the dudes didn't get the same coaching

335
00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:14.960
because they showed up looking shaggy

336
00:17:14.960 --> 00:17:17.000
with the baseball caps on,

337
00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:19.280
moving the camera around everywhere.

338
00:17:19.280 --> 00:17:21.960
And we're like, whoa, wait a second,

339
00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:24.119
these guys didn't get the same coaching

340
00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:27.440
but it was funny, it was a good learning experience.

341
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.160
So yeah, anytime that you wanna come to one of these calls

342
00:17:30.160 --> 00:17:32.480
and if you're like, hey, Carla, Ebony,

343
00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:34.320
can you give me some feedback?

344
00:17:34.320 --> 00:17:36.080
Like, is this good?

345
00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:38.520
Like, is there anything that I should do differently?

346
00:17:38.520 --> 00:17:42.080
Then let us know, we would be happy to do that for you.

347
00:17:42.080 --> 00:17:44.760
Okay, all right, how many ladies do I got on today?

348
00:17:44.760 --> 00:17:48.160
Nine, that's good, all right.

349
00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:49.600
Well, I'm gonna pray for us

350
00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:53.040
and then I'm gonna go ahead and open the floor, all right?

351
00:17:53.040 --> 00:17:55.880
All right, so Heavenly Father, I thank you.

352
00:17:55.880 --> 00:17:57.480
Thank you for today, Lord.

353
00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:59.160
I thank you for this time together.

354
00:17:59.160 --> 00:18:00.440
I thank you for all the women

355
00:18:00.440 --> 00:18:02.640
that are here with us currently

356
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:04.720
and will be watching and replay.

357
00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:07.960
Lord, I just ask that your presence be felt.

358
00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:12.960
Lord, I pray that you speak through us.

359
00:18:13.880 --> 00:18:17.880
Lord, I pray for vulnerability

360
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:21.960
that as the women continue to get to know each other

361
00:18:21.960 --> 00:18:23.880
and getting comfortable stepping out

362
00:18:23.880 --> 00:18:25.360
and coming out of hiding,

363
00:18:25.360 --> 00:18:27.280
that this is just a safe space

364
00:18:27.280 --> 00:18:30.920
for the women to come share what they're experiencing

365
00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:32.320
and that your love is felt

366
00:18:32.320 --> 00:18:35.800
and your presence is experienced, Lord.

367
00:18:35.800 --> 00:18:37.840
So Lord, just be with us today

368
00:18:37.840 --> 00:18:40.920
and Lord, I just pray for joy and fun

369
00:18:40.920 --> 00:18:45.920
and thank you so much in Jesus' name, amen.

370
00:18:46.520 --> 00:18:49.040
Okay, so I'm gonna do things a little differently.

371
00:18:50.440 --> 00:18:52.560
Usually, we kind of wait to the end

372
00:18:52.560 --> 00:18:55.120
to give you some activations for the week,

373
00:18:55.120 --> 00:18:59.920
but I really felt it was important for us

374
00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:04.040
to maybe start off with some of the activations

375
00:19:04.040 --> 00:19:08.120
that I want you ladies to be praying about this week, okay?

376
00:19:08.120 --> 00:19:10.920
And I watched the call

377
00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:12.760
that Bethany did with y'all last week.

378
00:19:12.760 --> 00:19:15.320
I'm so thankful for Bethany.

379
00:19:15.360 --> 00:19:18.680
My house has been plagued with the sickness, y'all.

380
00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:23.520
And while I was feeling okay, my kid was not

381
00:19:23.520 --> 00:19:26.520
and now it's like trickled down to my other kids.

382
00:19:26.520 --> 00:19:28.240
It's been a headache.

383
00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:30.200
So Bethany filled in for me

384
00:19:30.200 --> 00:19:33.040
and then I was able to jump on the evening call

385
00:19:33.040 --> 00:19:35.560
to meet some of y'all, so it was really, really good.

386
00:19:35.560 --> 00:19:40.280
But I love some of the things that Bethany activated you in

387
00:19:40.280 --> 00:19:43.160
and especially getting ready for the holidays.

388
00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:45.640
I'm curious, okay?

389
00:19:45.640 --> 00:19:50.640
Because I was where you were at like literally two years ago

390
00:19:51.160 --> 00:19:55.480
so I haven't even, I just now celebrated two years

391
00:19:55.480 --> 00:19:58.360
of like making connection with my husband, okay?

392
00:19:58.360 --> 00:20:00.560
We've been married just a little over a year.

393
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:08.720
So, I remember this time, like two, three years ago, and I was close to hitting 40.

394
00:20:08.720 --> 00:20:17.360
I had been single my whole life, never married, had a kid, and I remember what the holidays

395
00:20:17.360 --> 00:20:18.360
would feel like.

396
00:20:18.360 --> 00:20:28.000
So, I'm just curious, is there anybody here that struggles this time of year?

397
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:29.000
Jill, Mackenzie?

398
00:20:29.000 --> 00:20:37.240
I know some of you are not on camera, but if you are like Jill and Mackenzie, Blair's

399
00:20:37.240 --> 00:20:42.760
raised her hand, myself, and there sometimes is that struggle in that single season, and

400
00:20:42.760 --> 00:20:44.240
we totally get it.

401
00:20:44.240 --> 00:20:49.520
And I know that Bethany spoke a little bit about that last week, is our perspective and

402
00:20:49.520 --> 00:20:51.120
taking things in a positive way.

403
00:20:51.120 --> 00:20:57.120
But I'm curious, when we struggle during the holidays being single, can you just put in

404
00:20:57.120 --> 00:21:00.720
the chat, what do you feel like your biggest struggle is?

405
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:05.000
Because I really want to speak to that a little bit, and I want us to start taking action

406
00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:07.440
to kind of shift out of that mindset.

407
00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:10.480
Is it that you feel overwhelmed?

408
00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:13.400
Are you feeling lonely?

409
00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:17.040
Is it a little combination of both?

410
00:21:17.040 --> 00:21:20.400
Because for me, sometimes it was both.

411
00:21:20.400 --> 00:21:24.880
There was a loneliness, feeling like I didn't have a significant other, I didn't have anyone

412
00:21:24.880 --> 00:21:32.080
to share, I mean, I was a single mom, I didn't have anyone to share in the help me prep for

413
00:21:32.080 --> 00:21:35.440
Christmas for my little one.

414
00:21:35.440 --> 00:21:41.360
Another big thing that I struggled with was I did all this Christmas shopping for my little

415
00:21:41.360 --> 00:21:49.880
boy, and I did the Santa thing with him, and I never had anyone giving gifts to me.

416
00:21:49.880 --> 00:21:54.760
I did all these gifts for my son, and then like, you know, you have little kids, I mean,

417
00:21:54.760 --> 00:22:00.760
my son is nine now, so right when I, he was seven when I met my husband, but when I joined

418
00:22:00.760 --> 00:22:04.880
this community, my son was five years old, had just turned five years old.

419
00:22:04.880 --> 00:22:10.680
So if y'all have been around little at Christmastime, you know, and they're opening presents, they're

420
00:22:10.680 --> 00:22:15.000
like, well, Santa brought me something, but mommy, did he not bring you anything?

421
00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:16.800
Mom, were you not good?

422
00:22:16.800 --> 00:22:19.600
Were you on the naughty list, mom?

423
00:22:19.600 --> 00:22:25.800
And that used to break my heart, like, I didn't have anybody to go buy gifts for mom,

424
00:22:25.800 --> 00:22:30.720
and I, like, God blessed me in ways that, you know, I would share that with some friends,

425
00:22:30.720 --> 00:22:35.920
and some friends, like, didn't even know it, but they would surprise me and go take my

426
00:22:35.920 --> 00:22:42.280
son shopping to go get me something nice, but it still never felt the same.

427
00:22:42.280 --> 00:22:49.280
It wasn't like having a husband, you know, a father figure for my son to kind of share

428
00:22:49.280 --> 00:22:50.280
in that.

429
00:22:50.280 --> 00:22:52.720
So it was something that I struggled with.

430
00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:53.720
And then just being overwhelmed.

431
00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:58.440
I was a mom, I was a single mom, and I was just constantly overwhelmed with all the things

432
00:22:58.440 --> 00:23:01.040
that needed to get done.

433
00:23:01.040 --> 00:23:03.360
And I would just get, I'd just be exhausted.

434
00:23:03.360 --> 00:23:06.320
I wasn't taking care of myself.

435
00:23:06.320 --> 00:23:11.440
Self-care went completely out the window because I was pouring into everybody else and not

436
00:23:11.440 --> 00:23:13.640
taking care of myself.

437
00:23:13.640 --> 00:23:14.640
So let's see some of this.

438
00:23:14.800 --> 00:23:15.800
Jill, she says, loneliness.

439
00:23:15.800 --> 00:23:20.600
Blair, I'm the only single adult amongst the family, and it feels lonely.

440
00:23:20.600 --> 00:23:24.960
So if you're doing family events, I know this happens.

441
00:23:24.960 --> 00:23:29.680
Like everybody takes those family Christmas photos, and everybody's got their, you know,

442
00:23:29.680 --> 00:23:32.560
husband, their wife, and all their kids.

443
00:23:32.560 --> 00:23:39.480
And then, or you have all of the family members from, you know, aunts, uncles, you know, cousins.

444
00:23:39.480 --> 00:23:42.400
Oh, so are you dating anybody?

445
00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:44.000
You haven't met anybody special yet?

446
00:23:44.360 --> 00:23:48.160
And then you just feel like you have to, like, entertain that.

447
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:49.600
So I totally get that.

448
00:23:49.600 --> 00:23:54.800
So Mackenzie would say loneliness when operating with my family, my sister with her fiance,

449
00:23:54.800 --> 00:23:56.800
family dynamics with that, absolutely.

450
00:23:56.800 --> 00:23:59.240
Mackenzie, you probably, is it the same thing?

451
00:23:59.240 --> 00:24:04.640
Like your sister's got a fiance now, and so then it's like, oh, now, when's it gonna happen

452
00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:05.640
for you?

453
00:24:05.640 --> 00:24:07.640
Have you gotten that?

454
00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:08.640
Yeah.

455
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:09.640
For sure.

456
00:24:10.280 --> 00:24:15.200
Brittany, the combination of not having a special someone to spend holidays with, and

457
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:20.040
your relatives, buy and give gifts to my younger family members, absolutely.

458
00:24:20.040 --> 00:24:23.160
So I totally get that.

459
00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:28.160
But again, I really want us to start taking action and shifting out of that mindset.

460
00:24:28.160 --> 00:24:34.200
And let's think of some ways that we can really enjoy this holiday season.

461
00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:40.520
So for some of you, if you're like me and got overwhelmed, it may be needing to say

462
00:24:40.520 --> 00:24:43.280
no to a few things.

463
00:24:43.280 --> 00:24:49.720
Maybe it is practicing that self-care, buying yourself flowers, going dress shopping.

464
00:24:49.720 --> 00:24:54.320
I'm curious, what does everyone in here do to like self-care?

465
00:24:54.320 --> 00:24:58.080
Give me some ideas of things that you do to take care of yourself.

466
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.680
You can type it in the chat, Jill, if you want to unmute, you want to share, what are

467
00:25:05.680 --> 00:25:08.200
some things that you do to take care of yourself?

468
00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:14.120
So I scheduled like a hair appointment and I'm going to get my nails done.

469
00:25:14.120 --> 00:25:19.640
Just for me, I find that like when I take care of my outer appearance, it does help

470
00:25:19.640 --> 00:25:23.200
my mood a little bit, even if it doesn't completely shift everything.

471
00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:24.560
Yes, yes.

472
00:25:24.560 --> 00:25:25.560
I love that.

473
00:25:25.560 --> 00:25:31.840
So getting your hair done, your nails done, having someone just massage your feet.

474
00:25:31.840 --> 00:25:34.280
That's good.

475
00:25:34.280 --> 00:25:37.680
I love relaxing by getting massaged.

476
00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:42.000
Like I don't know about you all, but I'm all about, you know, just get those knots

477
00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:43.160
out.

478
00:25:43.160 --> 00:25:48.800
Like help me relax, Maria going to the gym, absolutely.

479
00:25:48.800 --> 00:25:51.000
Prayer walks through the park.

480
00:25:51.000 --> 00:25:52.520
That's so good.

481
00:25:52.520 --> 00:26:02.000
I'm curious though, how many of you neglect to do that at least once a week?

482
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:04.520
Now I know sometimes massages, you're probably not going once a week.

483
00:26:04.520 --> 00:26:09.760
I was, I tried to, to plan an appointment at least once a month, but sometimes that

484
00:26:09.760 --> 00:26:10.760
didn't always work.

485
00:26:10.760 --> 00:26:13.720
Sometimes finances as a single mom, I couldn't figure that out.

486
00:26:13.720 --> 00:26:14.720
All right.

487
00:26:14.720 --> 00:26:20.680
But how many of you neglect doing something for yourself at least once a week?

488
00:26:20.680 --> 00:26:23.640
Oh, I love Rebecca.

489
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:24.640
She's traveling.

490
00:26:24.640 --> 00:26:25.640
I love that.

491
00:26:25.640 --> 00:26:26.640
That's so good.

492
00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:29.000
I loved traveling and Blair agrees.

493
00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:30.160
She does that too.

494
00:26:30.160 --> 00:26:35.480
Maria, are you saying that you've neglected to take care of yourself once a week?

495
00:26:35.480 --> 00:26:36.480
Yes.

496
00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:42.200
Sometimes taking care of my children takes too much time for me and then I don't have

497
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:45.520
time to go to the gym.

498
00:26:45.520 --> 00:26:46.520
So yeah.

499
00:26:46.520 --> 00:26:47.880
So you're going to the gym.

500
00:26:47.880 --> 00:26:50.440
What would happen?

501
00:26:50.440 --> 00:26:55.040
And I say this because I know I'm a mom and I was a single mama too.

502
00:26:55.040 --> 00:27:00.600
What would happen if you would make time for yourself at the gym and put yourself before

503
00:27:00.600 --> 00:27:01.600
taking care of the kids?

504
00:27:01.600 --> 00:27:04.760
I mean, I know some things you have to take care of your kids, all right.

505
00:27:04.760 --> 00:27:10.560
Kids can't like drive themselves to school, but if you were putting yourself at least

506
00:27:10.560 --> 00:27:17.800
going to the gym at least once a week, would that help your mood and how you approach being

507
00:27:17.800 --> 00:27:18.800
a mom?

508
00:27:18.800 --> 00:27:22.720
Oh, it would be so much better.

509
00:27:22.720 --> 00:27:28.960
But I guess I would have to wake up like really, really early before they start needing me.

510
00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:31.200
Yeah, I totally get that.

511
00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:37.200
But if you challenge yourself, just do it for a month.

512
00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:44.600
One day a week, get up extra early, go to the gym and see if that changes your mood

513
00:27:44.600 --> 00:27:45.600
and your mindset.

514
00:27:45.600 --> 00:27:52.760
Because I would bet that would help significantly because ladies, here's the thing, self-care

515
00:27:52.760 --> 00:28:00.160
is so important, especially this time of year, doing something nice for yourself.

516
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:05.020
So same thing with those of you that feel lonely.

517
00:28:05.020 --> 00:28:19.420
I'm curious how many would have, here's something that's kind of coming up in my spirit.

518
00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:23.380
I'm almost certain that even Bethany might've mentioned this too.

519
00:28:23.380 --> 00:28:32.740
One thing that helped me during this season was planning things for other people, planning

520
00:28:32.740 --> 00:28:37.780
get-togethers, doing things with people and serving other people.

521
00:28:37.780 --> 00:28:44.020
And so I would get lonely thinking I have no one to do these things with.

522
00:28:44.020 --> 00:28:51.140
I could bet that other people felt the same way and God one time says, Carla, you talk

523
00:28:51.140 --> 00:28:55.660
about how you don't feel like anybody's there for you as a single mom, but you know a lot

524
00:28:55.660 --> 00:28:59.700
of single moms, have you tried to reach out to them?

525
00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:01.380
And he challenged me with that.

526
00:29:01.380 --> 00:29:04.900
So I'm just, I'm throwing this out there.

527
00:29:04.900 --> 00:29:08.100
I want you ladies to kind of just sit and pray with it a little bit.

528
00:29:08.100 --> 00:29:09.100
Okay.

529
00:29:09.100 --> 00:29:13.540
Cause I know this one might be a little tougher, but I want y'all to sit with it and pray and

530
00:29:13.540 --> 00:29:19.460
ask God to reveal if there's anything specific that you can do to help yourself in this season

531
00:29:19.460 --> 00:29:21.860
so that it doesn't feel lonely.

532
00:29:21.860 --> 00:29:23.260
It doesn't feel overwhelmed.

533
00:29:23.260 --> 00:29:26.220
It doesn't feel bad.

534
00:29:26.220 --> 00:29:27.420
Right.

535
00:29:27.420 --> 00:29:29.940
And if there's something that you can do differently.

536
00:29:29.980 --> 00:29:35.300
So again, kind of going with that, take care of yourself, do something nice for you, maybe

537
00:29:35.300 --> 00:29:41.900
do some nice things for others and try to really ignite some of that joy.

538
00:29:41.900 --> 00:29:42.900
Okay.

539
00:29:42.900 --> 00:29:43.900
Great.

540
00:29:43.900 --> 00:29:44.900
Another question.

541
00:29:44.900 --> 00:29:45.900
Can I ask a question about that really quick?

542
00:29:45.900 --> 00:29:46.900
Sorry.

543
00:29:46.900 --> 00:29:47.900
Yeah.

544
00:29:47.900 --> 00:29:52.660
So I am kind of in a weird spot with that because I don't know.

545
00:29:52.660 --> 00:29:57.860
So something that I've struggled with in the past is that I will like entertain cause I

546
00:29:57.860 --> 00:30:00.060
love putting on events and all that kind of stuff.

547
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:11.000
But then the people in my community are not necessarily life-giving, and so in this last season, God is like having me let them go a little bit.

548
00:30:11.000 --> 00:30:20.000
And so that is hard for me in this season, because usually, for example, one of the examples, I usually do a giant Christmas party, and I love it,

549
00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:29.000
but I kind of felt like I needed to not do that this year as my self-care, but then that makes me sad because I love Christmas parties.

550
00:30:29.000 --> 00:30:35.000
And I'm like, I don't have anyone yet. Well, I have a few people, but it just looks a little bit different,

551
00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:40.000
and so I'm trying to find the balance of like, okay, how do I do self-care?

552
00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:45.000
But also, I love the holidays, and I love throwing parties. How do I do that well?

553
00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:52.000
It's going to look a little different. I love this, because a couple of things that came up to me, so you might not be able to put on the big production, right?

554
00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:53.000
Yeah, yeah.

555
00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:58.000
But are there a couple people that may be doing something more quaint and more intimate?

556
00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:10.000
Also, what kind of came up to me is, and this is something that I did, is I would go seek someone that I didn't know.

557
00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:16.000
I'd ask God to highlight certain people, and I would do special things for them.

558
00:31:16.000 --> 00:31:23.000
And this is just one thing that I used to do with my youngest, and it started at a very early age when he was a newborn.

559
00:31:23.000 --> 00:31:26.000
He was born in August, so his first Christmas, he was like four months old.

560
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:35.000
I was a new single mom and didn't have a lot of money, and so I really couldn't afford Christmas for him.

561
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:41.000
And I mean, he was four months old, but it still made me sad that I didn't feel like I could provide Christmas for him.

562
00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:50.000
A random stranger reached out to me and said, I want to buy Christmas for your son.

563
00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:52.000
And I was just blown away.

564
00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:58.000
This random act of kindness, someone just, I didn't ask for it.

565
00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:00.000
And that was hard for me too, y'all.

566
00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:07.000
I don't know if you're like me, asking for help was rough, okay?

567
00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:13.000
And God was like, I'm going to get rid of that out of you because you're going to be a single mama.

568
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:20.000
You're going to have to receive gifts and blessings from people.

569
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.000
I'm going to make you need to get comfortable with it.

570
00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:35.000
And so it was that random act of kindness by a complete stranger that really ignited so much hope and joy in that season.

571
00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:48.000
And so I made it like a declaration that by the next year, I was going to be in a position where I could return it.

572
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:50.000
I could pay it forward.

573
00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.000
And that became a Christmas tradition with me and my youngest.

574
00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:55.000
And he didn't know.

575
00:32:55.000 --> 00:32:56.000
He was a baby.

576
00:32:56.000 --> 00:32:57.000
He was four months old.

577
00:32:57.000 --> 00:32:59.000
And then the next year, he was a little over one year old.

578
00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:02.000
But we started playing Santa.

579
00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:05.000
God would highlight to me.

580
00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.000
Sometimes there were people that I knew, but I would go incognito.

581
00:33:09.000 --> 00:33:12.000
There was a couple times with one of my friends.

582
00:33:12.000 --> 00:33:14.000
She was a single mom to four kids.

583
00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:23.000
And there was another season where it was my best friend's tenants who lived in her house, her rental property.

584
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:30.000
They were a young couple that had three boys under the age of five, I think.

585
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:32.000
And the father was a firefighter and he got injured.

586
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:34.000
So he wasn't able to work.

587
00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:39.000
And the mom was, I think she was like a night nurse or something like that.

588
00:33:39.000 --> 00:33:42.000
So, I mean, they had three boys.

589
00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:50.000
And we literally like went in the night with wrapped gifts and put them on their porches.

590
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.000
Like completely anonymous and played Santa.

591
00:33:54.000 --> 00:33:56.000
It was like, here, you're blessed.

592
00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:06.000
So I would even, Mackenzie, I would wonder if maybe God can highlight someone for you to kind of bring joy to others.

593
00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:11.000
Because it sounds like you love the joy, the excitement, like Christmas is a fun time for you.

594
00:34:11.000 --> 00:34:18.000
I would bet that you can carry that joy and that happiness to other people.

595
00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:22.000
That maybe, that are not the people that are going to suck the life out of you.

596
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:23.000
Because we definitely don't want that.

597
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:28.000
But I would think that you can be a life giver.

598
00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:31.000
That you can start pouring life into others.

599
00:34:31.000 --> 00:34:37.000
So pray about that and see if God highlights anybody for you to do that.

600
00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:42.000
So maybe that's, maybe somebody else on here, maybe that's an activation for you.

601
00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:47.000
Go find someone to go bless anonymously during the season.

602
00:34:47.000 --> 00:34:49.000
Bring joy to somebody.

603
00:34:49.000 --> 00:34:50.000
I like that.

604
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:52.000
Mackenzie, did you want to say something?

605
00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:54.000
No, I was just going to say thank you.

606
00:34:54.000 --> 00:34:57.000
You're welcome.

607
00:34:57.000 --> 00:34:59.000
Another thing that came up.

608
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.640
That I did okay, and when I was listening to to the replay from Bethany and

609
00:35:05.640 --> 00:35:07.640
She was giving y'all that activation

610
00:35:08.040 --> 00:35:12.420
Holy Spirit reminded me of an activation that I did when I first joined this program

611
00:35:13.480 --> 00:35:17.120
It was in 2020. It was the end of September of 2020 and

612
00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:19.600
that Christmas

613
00:35:19.600 --> 00:35:21.680
One of the women that I was in community with

614
00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:29.420
She came on in our community and she shared how she just felt led

615
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:33.040
to go shop for ornaments for her Christmas tree and

616
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:39.600
she was that like target or something like that and she's you know looking through all the ornaments and she noticed that there are all

617
00:35:39.600 --> 00:35:43.200
These like how many of you when you go ornament shopping?

618
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:50.800
See all the ornaments were like first year married and like all the wedding stuff like all the wedding ornaments

619
00:35:51.240 --> 00:35:53.560
Have any of you recognize those? I?

620
00:35:54.280 --> 00:35:57.120
Don't know about you all I see Mackenzie shaking her head

621
00:35:57.120 --> 00:36:01.680
I see a lot of you are not on on on camera right now, and I'm hoping it's because you're at work

622
00:36:02.360 --> 00:36:05.800
But if you can be on camera, I'm gonna see your face. All right, let's come out of hiding

623
00:36:05.800 --> 00:36:09.900
I got Teresa and I got Jill and I got Mackenzie, but I don't see everybody else

624
00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:18.600
But if you can't where is the girl my house is always a mess. I got three kids and I even forced them to do chores

625
00:36:19.120 --> 00:36:20.600
You're here with your sisters, we totally get it

626
00:36:20.600 --> 00:36:28.040
Um, so I'm curious. So if can't come on camera and you raise your avatar hand you're on camera. I want to see

627
00:36:28.040 --> 00:36:30.040
Oh, yes

628
00:36:30.040 --> 00:36:35.600
I totally get it. Um, but didn't recognize those ornaments. Okay now that's fine

629
00:36:35.600 --> 00:36:39.360
Okay, but if you were like me, I'd always see those ornaments and I'm me like

630
00:36:40.520 --> 00:36:42.040
Yeah

631
00:36:42.040 --> 00:36:45.720
Not me. I don't get to put one of those up this year, right?

632
00:36:45.720 --> 00:36:50.040
All right, cuz believe it or not sometimes I was I was a bit of a negative Nancy. All right

633
00:36:50.040 --> 00:36:56.120
I know I'm like sometimes try to be like full of life and joy, but I was like I get in my in my stuff

634
00:36:57.080 --> 00:36:58.680
so and

635
00:36:58.680 --> 00:37:01.080
Yes, the baby ones all the baby ornaments, right?

636
00:37:01.080 --> 00:37:07.640
And if you're someone who's just like really desiring to have kids like sometimes it's like you almost feel like it's the enemy

637
00:37:07.640 --> 00:37:09.160
That's in your face

638
00:37:09.160 --> 00:37:11.160
So anyway, one of my sisters in this community

639
00:37:11.160 --> 00:37:15.800
She was like I'm activating my faith and she bought

640
00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:23.240
One of those ornaments and she says, you know by this time next year, I'm gonna have a husband

641
00:37:24.760 --> 00:37:30.280
To help me with my Christmas tree and you know at first I was kind of like, I don't know but y'all

642
00:37:32.440 --> 00:37:34.440
That year I went

643
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:37.400
I went to

644
00:37:38.120 --> 00:37:40.120
That year I went

645
00:37:41.000 --> 00:37:43.000
And I bought this ornament for my tree

646
00:37:43.560 --> 00:37:49.240
And I believed that that was going to be my last year single. That was gonna be my last Christmas single

647
00:37:49.240 --> 00:37:52.360
Okay, so I bought this like little engagement ring

648
00:37:53.000 --> 00:37:55.000
Ornament. All right. It was 2020

649
00:37:56.120 --> 00:37:58.620
And I was like this time next year 2021

650
00:37:59.560 --> 00:38:01.560
I'm gonna have one of these on my finger

651
00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:03.080
right

652
00:38:03.080 --> 00:38:05.080
Guess what happened?

653
00:38:06.040 --> 00:38:08.040
Didn't meet my husband

654
00:38:08.280 --> 00:38:12.760
And this ornament even though sometimes I was like, I don't know if I want to put it up there

655
00:38:12.840 --> 00:38:15.960
I still continued to put it up on my tree

656
00:38:16.520 --> 00:38:18.360
every year

657
00:38:18.360 --> 00:38:20.360
And ladies i'm telling you. I

658
00:38:22.040 --> 00:38:25.880
This I believed it I and then every time I looked at my tree

659
00:38:26.760 --> 00:38:31.560
Even though there were times it it was hard. I still looked at it. I said, nope

660
00:38:32.360 --> 00:38:34.360
I believe it god because

661
00:38:34.360 --> 00:38:36.360
You're good

662
00:38:37.080 --> 00:38:38.680
And ladies

663
00:38:38.680 --> 00:38:41.180
I know about you all but how many of you have pinterest?

664
00:38:42.600 --> 00:38:46.920
How many of you have a have a pin board of your wedding stuff?

665
00:38:48.440 --> 00:38:50.440
Anybody yes mackenzie

666
00:38:51.560 --> 00:38:54.440
Funny story jackie had us do that one year

667
00:38:55.240 --> 00:39:01.400
Like the when we first started she had us start dreaming about our weddings and we pinned everything

668
00:39:01.880 --> 00:39:06.280
Okay, I even went as far I started pinning the type of engagement ring I wanted

669
00:39:07.160 --> 00:39:08.200
All right

670
00:39:08.200 --> 00:39:11.080
How many of you know what you want your engagement ring to look like?

671
00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:14.840
Describe it in the chat

672
00:39:16.040 --> 00:39:18.040
What's your ring look like

673
00:39:18.600 --> 00:39:20.600
What cut is the diamonds?

674
00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:26.600
I was all about the princess cut or the emerald cut like I wanted the rectangular or the square cut

675
00:39:26.920 --> 00:39:28.120
I

676
00:39:28.120 --> 00:39:32.120
No worries. Lena if you have to jump on a meeting, that's totally fine. We'll have this in replay

677
00:39:32.520 --> 00:39:35.560
Oh blair wants a vintage ring. I love that

678
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:38.520
um

679
00:39:38.520 --> 00:39:40.520
I had it that all picked out

680
00:39:41.320 --> 00:39:42.920
With

681
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:44.920
Okay

682
00:39:45.320 --> 00:39:46.600
Dream

683
00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:49.000
What would that look what would that look like for you?

684
00:39:50.280 --> 00:39:55.640
And I believe that this is going to give you some hope jill because oh you're going to get me emotional right now

685
00:39:56.600 --> 00:39:59.980
That's good, it's good. It's really really good

686
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:09.200
It's just, it's my first holiday season alone in seven years, because we were together for

687
00:40:09.200 --> 00:40:16.560
six and a half, and we looked up engagement rings at houses last year, so I'm sorry.

688
00:40:16.560 --> 00:40:19.000
No, don't apologize, girl.

689
00:40:19.000 --> 00:40:20.480
This is real.

690
00:40:20.480 --> 00:40:22.480
This is what this community is all about.

691
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:24.920
That's why we're here for each other.

692
00:40:24.920 --> 00:40:32.360
But I believe that this, I really want to ignite your hope here, okay?

693
00:40:32.360 --> 00:40:39.200
I believe God wants to give you a different vision, a different ring, a different, He

694
00:40:39.200 --> 00:40:43.800
has a different love story for you, and it's even better.

695
00:40:43.800 --> 00:40:51.480
So I have this desire for the square cut, emerald cut ring, okay?

696
00:40:51.480 --> 00:40:53.800
So then I had boughten this, okay?

697
00:40:53.800 --> 00:40:57.280
This little ornament, if you will.

698
00:40:57.280 --> 00:41:02.520
2021 happened, husband didn't come.

699
00:41:02.520 --> 00:41:08.800
2022, okay, January 2022, okay, didn't happen in 21, guess what?

700
00:41:08.800 --> 00:41:09.800
This is my year.

701
00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:12.920
This is the year of the bride, even, right?

702
00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:16.520
Talk about the number 22, it's the number of the bride.

703
00:41:16.520 --> 00:41:21.460
I was like, this is my year, I'm getting married, it's good, y'all, I didn't get the year that

704
00:41:21.460 --> 00:41:22.460
I wanted.

705
00:41:22.460 --> 00:41:27.140
But at the end of that year, Jackie reached out to me, she's like, you didn't get the

706
00:41:27.140 --> 00:41:30.100
year you wanted, but you got the year that you needed.

707
00:41:30.100 --> 00:41:35.780
And she's like, have faith that you're the bride.

708
00:41:35.780 --> 00:41:40.060
She's like, if you don't have the faith, borrow my faith, because I have faith that God is

709
00:41:40.060 --> 00:41:41.780
going to bring you your husband.

710
00:41:41.780 --> 00:41:44.780
She goes, and I believe he's going to bring him to you before the end of this year.

711
00:41:44.780 --> 00:41:45.780
She's like, you're not getting married.

712
00:41:45.780 --> 00:41:46.780
She's like, this is November, right?

713
00:41:46.780 --> 00:41:47.780
It's the beginning of November.

714
00:41:47.780 --> 00:41:51.020
She's like, you're not getting married this year.

715
00:41:51.580 --> 00:41:56.700
We're not running to the chapel, but she's like, but I really do believe that you can

716
00:41:56.700 --> 00:41:57.700
meet your husband.

717
00:41:57.700 --> 00:42:01.260
She's like, you're going to have to surrender to things.

718
00:42:01.260 --> 00:42:05.340
And ladies, a week later, my husband dropped into my DMs.

719
00:42:05.340 --> 00:42:08.820
And I had to release the pen for a lot of things.

720
00:42:08.820 --> 00:42:19.540
But ladies, I share this story because that next year, my husband was asking me to pick

721
00:42:19.540 --> 00:42:22.260
out engagement rings, right?

722
00:42:22.260 --> 00:42:23.420
What do you want your rings to look like?

723
00:42:23.420 --> 00:42:29.660
And I went to my pin board, and I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to send him the emerald cut,

724
00:42:29.660 --> 00:42:30.660
all that stuff.

725
00:42:30.660 --> 00:42:34.700
But something didn't, I was looking at them, and I'm like, no, I don't think these are

726
00:42:34.700 --> 00:42:36.180
it.

727
00:42:36.180 --> 00:42:37.740
I don't think these are the rings.

728
00:42:37.740 --> 00:42:42.380
I don't think this is what my engagement ring looks like.

729
00:42:42.380 --> 00:42:46.020
And so I started looking for different rings.

730
00:42:46.020 --> 00:42:50.060
And then I was like, you know, I want to, I want, what is, I don't even know the round

731
00:42:50.060 --> 00:42:51.060
cut.

732
00:42:51.060 --> 00:42:52.060
I wanted the round cut diamond.

733
00:42:52.060 --> 00:42:57.100
So I started looking at photos on Pinterest, and I started pinning them, and I started

734
00:42:57.100 --> 00:43:00.100
sending them to my husband, right?

735
00:43:00.100 --> 00:43:02.380
He's my boyfriend at the time.

736
00:43:02.380 --> 00:43:10.220
And y'all, he proposed to me with this ring, and I need to show you.

737
00:43:11.220 --> 00:43:20.780
Ladies, it legit is, I didn't even realize this ornament on my tree ended up being the

738
00:43:20.780 --> 00:43:25.060
same type of ring that my husband proposed to me with.

739
00:43:25.060 --> 00:43:32.100
So Jill, I believe that there's a new vision.

740
00:43:32.100 --> 00:43:33.460
I really believe that for you.

741
00:43:33.460 --> 00:43:35.180
I feel so strongly for you.

742
00:43:35.180 --> 00:43:41.020
And girl, you got your sisters here, and I feel it.

743
00:43:41.020 --> 00:43:42.380
I know that this is hard.

744
00:43:42.380 --> 00:43:47.100
I know this is a hard season.

745
00:43:47.100 --> 00:43:51.860
But I believe there is redemption.

746
00:43:51.860 --> 00:43:52.980
There is reconciliation.

747
00:43:52.980 --> 00:43:53.980
There's all these things.

748
00:43:53.980 --> 00:43:58.660
God is going to write such a beautiful love story for you, and it's all going to make

749
00:43:58.660 --> 00:44:01.460
sense.

750
00:44:01.460 --> 00:44:03.700
And just lean on us, okay?

751
00:44:04.220 --> 00:44:07.140
If you need to come and cry, you can cry on our shoulders.

752
00:44:07.140 --> 00:44:08.620
We got you.

753
00:44:08.620 --> 00:44:11.300
How many of y'all have been there at some point?

754
00:44:11.300 --> 00:44:17.780
Teresa, Mackenzie, Brittany, yeah, we've all been there.

755
00:44:17.780 --> 00:44:21.180
Maria, she's raising her hand.

756
00:44:21.180 --> 00:44:27.740
You are here with sisters that got you, girl, okay?

757
00:44:27.740 --> 00:44:33.620
So just lean into your Heavenly Father, all right?

758
00:44:33.620 --> 00:44:39.020
God will show you the steps to take, all right?

759
00:44:39.020 --> 00:44:43.980
So I'm going to leave you ladies with those activations.

760
00:44:43.980 --> 00:44:49.980
So let's just be praying about how can you shift the mindset in this holiday season?

761
00:44:49.980 --> 00:44:51.700
Who can you bless?

762
00:44:51.700 --> 00:44:54.700
What can you do to help self-care?

763
00:44:54.700 --> 00:44:55.700
And you know what?

764
00:44:55.700 --> 00:44:56.700
Who knows?

765
00:44:56.700 --> 00:45:00.100
Maybe you'll go and you'll go buy an ornament, and maybe you'll be

766
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.660
tied to your love story. Like I had no idea when I bought this

767
00:45:02.660 --> 00:45:07.320
thing was gonna be tied to my love story. Like, like I like I

768
00:45:07.320 --> 00:45:10.060
was floored because then I was sitting there taking down my

769
00:45:10.060 --> 00:45:14.860
tree. And like looking at my ring because ladies I keep my

770
00:45:14.860 --> 00:45:20.340
tree up for like forever because I just love Christmas. I like I

771
00:45:20.340 --> 00:45:22.620
think I think one year I actually had my tree up all year

772
00:45:22.620 --> 00:45:24.300
long truth be told.

773
00:45:26.100 --> 00:45:29.980
You feel me you get it. You're a Christmas lover to only get it.

774
00:45:30.820 --> 00:45:34.020
Um, so yeah, I just want you to think about that. Another thing

775
00:45:34.020 --> 00:45:37.260
that came up to is I never did this, but I thought about doing

776
00:45:37.260 --> 00:45:41.300
it with buying a gift for my future husband without knowing

777
00:45:41.300 --> 00:45:44.820
him. So maybe that's something maybe you go buy a Christmas

778
00:45:44.820 --> 00:45:49.320
gift for your future husband. Wrap it, tuck it away somewhere.

779
00:45:50.100 --> 00:45:54.140
And who knows, maybe next year for Christmas, you've already

780
00:45:54.140 --> 00:45:57.300
got a gift picked out for him. You don't have to you don't have

781
00:45:57.300 --> 00:45:59.460
to go Black Friday shopping for all those deals. You don't have

782
00:45:59.480 --> 00:46:02.580
to be elbowing those crazies or sitting there on your phone

783
00:46:02.580 --> 00:46:07.360
trying to get those deals. So I just want to leave you. And I

784
00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:09.320
know we're kind of getting into some time and I was going to

785
00:46:09.320 --> 00:46:14.680
talk a little bit about boundaries. And but I think what

786
00:46:14.680 --> 00:46:21.600
I'm going to do is I want you ladies talking, let's let's just

787
00:46:21.600 --> 00:46:24.640
go ahead and jump into like what's going on in your lives

788
00:46:24.640 --> 00:46:28.560
right now. What do you want coaching on? What's what's

789
00:46:28.560 --> 00:46:33.340
coming up in your spirit? We're going to kind of just veer off

790
00:46:33.340 --> 00:46:36.340
course a little bit and then we'll see if a few things get

791
00:46:36.340 --> 00:46:42.340
touched on. Why is everybody shy today?

792
00:46:43.180 --> 00:46:45.540
I feel like I've already talked so I don't want to

793
00:46:47.340 --> 00:46:49.940
Girl, you talk all you want. All right.

794
00:46:50.180 --> 00:46:53.880
I'll just I mean, this is week week one and phase two and I'm

795
00:46:53.900 --> 00:46:56.500
here crying and giving you all I got. So

796
00:46:56.720 --> 00:47:00.880
girl, I love it. I love it. That's how you show up. I will

797
00:47:00.880 --> 00:47:03.520
how we show up here. Yeah, I'll be like really authentic and

798
00:47:03.520 --> 00:47:07.080
just tell you like I feel like every area in my life is a

799
00:47:07.080 --> 00:47:10.360
square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It feels like

800
00:47:10.360 --> 00:47:14.400
everything is shutting down not opening up for me. I know like

801
00:47:14.400 --> 00:47:17.500
geographically, I'm not where I'm supposed to be. And that's

802
00:47:17.500 --> 00:47:21.760
causing some anxiety about like dating. Previously living here.

803
00:47:22.080 --> 00:47:25.360
I ran out of matches because like it's a small town and

804
00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:29.220
there's really not options and I know this is not a permanent

805
00:47:29.220 --> 00:47:34.420
place for me. And I yet I don't have open doors other places.

806
00:47:34.420 --> 00:47:38.140
And so that's just like one way but like, also not having

807
00:47:38.140 --> 00:47:42.460
friends here and and things like that. So there's a lot of closed

808
00:47:42.460 --> 00:47:46.180
doors and things just not fitting. And I've been in

809
00:47:46.180 --> 00:47:51.160
seasons where everything has really run smoothly. So I know

810
00:47:51.460 --> 00:47:56.500
the difference. And I just don't really know how to navigate

811
00:47:56.500 --> 00:48:01.000
that. So I'm just praying for hope and encouragement during

812
00:48:01.000 --> 00:48:02.740
this kind of like in between season.

813
00:48:03.280 --> 00:48:09.180
Yeah, something that came up to me when you were talking reminded

814
00:48:09.180 --> 00:48:14.180
me of when I was going through this, this program, Jackie had

815
00:48:14.180 --> 00:48:20.060
us do a pruning kind of releasing things. Okay. And she

816
00:48:20.060 --> 00:48:24.020
she did a teaching on, you know, we don't just get rid of

817
00:48:24.020 --> 00:48:28.360
bad. Okay, you don't cut off just the bad like, yeah, we cut

818
00:48:28.360 --> 00:48:30.920
off the bad things. So you know, whatever, we clear out the weeds

819
00:48:30.920 --> 00:48:34.560
and all that kind of stuff. But when you're talking about trees

820
00:48:34.560 --> 00:48:37.280
and things like that, sometimes you have to prune off the good

821
00:48:37.280 --> 00:48:43.160
things for great things. And I also had this vision of sorry,

822
00:48:43.160 --> 00:48:47.520
there is a dog in my yard and I'm trying to figure out. Sorry.

823
00:48:48.500 --> 00:48:56.900
Squirrel moment. Um, I have this vision of a house and it being

824
00:48:56.900 --> 00:49:02.460
stripped down to the bones. It needed to have that it has a

825
00:49:02.460 --> 00:49:06.360
good foundation. But it needed to be stripped down to the bones

826
00:49:07.180 --> 00:49:11.980
so that it could be built up to something even better. And so I

827
00:49:11.980 --> 00:49:15.900
don't know if that speaks to you. But I want maybe trying to

828
00:49:15.920 --> 00:49:18.920
shift your perspective of like things aren't just like working

829
00:49:18.920 --> 00:49:23.520
but maybe things are kind of going down to the the core

830
00:49:23.520 --> 00:49:29.080
necessities to kind of get you there so that you can start

831
00:49:29.120 --> 00:49:34.960
building on that strong foundation. So that that tree

832
00:49:34.960 --> 00:49:38.320
is going to get pruned down so that it will flourish into

833
00:49:38.320 --> 00:49:43.120
something better. I don't know if that speaks to you. But

834
00:49:43.120 --> 00:49:46.460
that's kind of what I started feeling in my spirit. But just

835
00:49:46.460 --> 00:49:52.240
know like this is right where you need to be. And there's no

836
00:49:52.240 --> 00:49:55.220
rushing to get to where you think you know, we're not going

837
00:49:55.220 --> 00:49:59.140
to compare. Well, this person's doing this and you are right

838
00:49:59.140 --> 00:50:00.060
where you need to be.

839
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.400
And one of the advice that I can give you is that you're stepping into this

840
00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:12.680
phase two is process just one week at a time. One video, sit with Holy Spirit,

841
00:50:12.680 --> 00:50:18.040
what's he highlighting to you, come to community, share it with us, right? Make a

842
00:50:18.040 --> 00:50:22.720
post in the app and we can give you some coaching and some feedback because ladies

843
00:50:22.720 --> 00:50:28.200
this phase is a much smaller phase because we want to intentionally pour

844
00:50:28.200 --> 00:50:33.760
into you more individually before you step out and step into phase three, okay?

845
00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:37.880
We don't want you staying here forever but we want you to have at least a good

846
00:50:37.880 --> 00:50:46.080
four to five weeks here showing up so that we can just help you build that

847
00:50:46.080 --> 00:50:50.360
momentum going, okay? Let's give you that foundation as you start getting into

848
00:50:50.360 --> 00:50:54.640
dating and here's the thing and some of you that are listening to replay or some

849
00:50:54.640 --> 00:50:57.640
of you may be on right now maybe you're like but Carla I'm in phase two and I'm

850
00:50:57.640 --> 00:51:02.160
not ready to date. That's fine. There's some of you that may not even date in

851
00:51:02.160 --> 00:51:05.040
phase two. You might get through the content and wait until you get to phase

852
00:51:05.040 --> 00:51:09.720
three to start dating and that's totally fine. Ladies, I spent a year before I

853
00:51:09.720 --> 00:51:15.080
started dating. I wouldn't recommend it but a lot of the things that we teach

854
00:51:15.080 --> 00:51:21.840
you here it's not just applied in dating it's applied in just every day, okay? I

855
00:51:22.000 --> 00:51:30.520
hope that helps you. So just enjoy the process. Come here, cry it out, share with

856
00:51:30.520 --> 00:51:36.720
us what's happening, right? And I really want you to pray into

857
00:51:36.720 --> 00:51:42.880
what's something that you can do this week to self-care or to you know

858
00:51:42.880 --> 00:51:51.000
spread joy in some way, okay? Maria, you had your hand up. You got something for

859
00:51:51.000 --> 00:52:02.760
us? Yeah, I'm kind of sort of in the same place. I'm a Christian and

860
00:52:02.760 --> 00:52:09.440
there are no Christian singles around, right? They're all like very drunk and

861
00:52:09.440 --> 00:52:20.600
Catholic. Go ahead. I don't want to cut you off. Yeah, so I'm wondering

862
00:52:20.720 --> 00:52:27.920
where are the Christian singles? All right, yeah. Believe it or not,

863
00:52:27.920 --> 00:52:33.680
they're everywhere. What we've got to start working on is getting out of this

864
00:52:33.680 --> 00:52:38.840
mindset and not coming into an alignment saying these absolute statements. There

865
00:52:38.840 --> 00:52:43.960
are no Christian singles in my area. When you say a statement like that, you're

866
00:52:43.960 --> 00:52:51.560
aligning with that lie. So we got to say, okay, I haven't met any Christian singles

867
00:52:51.560 --> 00:53:00.440
in my area yet, all right? How are you? Are you on the apps yet or have

868
00:53:00.440 --> 00:53:07.960
you, like how do you feel about online dating? I met someone through

869
00:53:07.960 --> 00:53:14.680
Facebook once but nothing else. Okay, so did you just recently get on Facebook

870
00:53:14.680 --> 00:53:24.920
dating? I know I just met this person and we had like one video meeting

871
00:53:24.920 --> 00:53:32.000
and that's all. I'm no good at dating. I've never actually dated anyone. I

872
00:53:32.000 --> 00:53:36.320
married very young and my husband passed away four years ago so I don't know how

873
00:53:36.360 --> 00:53:41.840
to date. I don't know how to behave on a date. Well, good news is that you have a

874
00:53:41.840 --> 00:53:47.400
community here and we will help you, all right? And again, it's that coming out of

875
00:53:47.400 --> 00:53:52.200
that alignment, I'm no good at dating. Maybe you are good at dating, you just

876
00:53:52.200 --> 00:53:56.280
haven't had the opportunity to put it into practice. So that's what we're here

877
00:53:56.280 --> 00:54:01.880
for. We're here to help you put that into practice because truth be told, none of

878
00:54:01.880 --> 00:54:07.360
us were probably good at dating before this program. I know I wasn't. I mean, I

879
00:54:07.360 --> 00:54:14.520
did not pick men very well. I was in my counterfeit. I was believing the lies and

880
00:54:14.520 --> 00:54:21.040
I had to work through some of that and start practicing healthy dating. So the

881
00:54:21.040 --> 00:54:26.920
truth is, Maria, a lot of us are probably not that great but we're learning how to

882
00:54:27.040 --> 00:54:33.200
do it differently, okay? So let's practice coming out of alignment with these lies

883
00:54:33.240 --> 00:54:38.040
that there are no Christian people in my area, no Christian guys today, I'm not good

884
00:54:38.040 --> 00:54:46.760
at dating. Let's shift it to a different mindset and let's start aligning with

885
00:54:46.800 --> 00:54:53.960
truth, all right? So what area do you live in? Is it a bigger city or is it

886
00:54:53.960 --> 00:55:00.000
a small? It's kind of big but it's mainly a Catholic country. Okay.

887
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.840
So us Christians are a minority.

888
00:55:03.840 --> 00:55:08.320
Okay. Well, truth be told, I mean, we have we have Catholics in our community here.

889
00:55:09.440 --> 00:55:12.000
Sometimes it's not about like the denomination.

890
00:55:12.000 --> 00:55:15.920
I'm sorry, guys, I don't like Catholic men.

891
00:55:15.920 --> 00:55:17.920
They're drunken, they're chauvinists.

892
00:55:19.680 --> 00:55:21.120
Yeah, they're too drunken for me.

893
00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:27.760
Okay, I hear you, but I am going to challenge you here, okay?

894
00:55:28.720 --> 00:55:34.640
We cannot take one demographic and assign them that, okay?

895
00:55:35.200 --> 00:55:37.840
I'm not saying that you have to go date Catholic men,

896
00:55:38.400 --> 00:55:42.080
but I will express to you just to be open to the idea

897
00:55:42.080 --> 00:55:45.280
that we're not coming to this alignment with this belief

898
00:55:45.280 --> 00:55:47.120
that all Catholic men are drunks.

899
00:55:48.320 --> 00:55:50.640
There's lots of drunk men out there that aren't Catholic.

900
00:55:50.640 --> 00:55:51.280
I'll tell you that.

901
00:55:53.040 --> 00:55:54.800
I mean, I'm in Ecuador.

902
00:55:54.800 --> 00:55:57.760
So maybe the thing year round is like,

903
00:55:58.880 --> 00:56:02.560
men are very, very drunken unless they're Christians.

904
00:56:02.560 --> 00:56:07.760
When they're Christians, they stop drinking and they stop cheating on their wives.

905
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:13.760
So that's why I prefer a Christian man like me that goes to Christian church

906
00:56:14.400 --> 00:56:20.480
because, no, I don't have a good experience with Catholic men.

907
00:56:20.800 --> 00:56:24.960
Yeah, no, I mean, and I'm not trying, and hear me when I'm saying,

908
00:56:24.960 --> 00:56:30.880
I'm not trying to diminish or deflect what you've experienced

909
00:56:30.880 --> 00:56:32.160
because that's not what I'm saying.

910
00:56:32.160 --> 00:56:35.520
I just want to help you shift out of this mindset

911
00:56:35.520 --> 00:56:41.360
that could be putting up a blinder or a block or a mentality

912
00:56:41.920 --> 00:56:46.080
that's making it hard for you to draw in connection, okay?

913
00:56:46.640 --> 00:56:47.140
Mm-hmm.

914
00:56:47.760 --> 00:56:51.040
That's why we challenge you here

915
00:56:51.680 --> 00:56:55.760
is sometimes if we go in with this mindset that there's no good men out there,

916
00:56:55.760 --> 00:56:57.200
and this is not just with Catholic men

917
00:56:57.200 --> 00:56:59.680
because there's a lot of us ladies that do this, okay?

918
00:56:59.680 --> 00:57:01.600
I see this in this community often.

919
00:57:01.600 --> 00:57:03.520
I mean, I had moments of this too.

920
00:57:04.080 --> 00:57:05.280
I mean, I had that idea.

921
00:57:05.280 --> 00:57:07.520
I didn't want to do online dating because I was like,

922
00:57:08.480 --> 00:57:11.120
all those men on online dating, all they want is sex.

923
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:14.000
But do you see how I had this mentality

924
00:57:14.000 --> 00:57:17.440
that I felt that every man that I was going to meet online,

925
00:57:17.440 --> 00:57:18.800
they were just going to want sex?

926
00:57:18.800 --> 00:57:20.240
Well, that simply wasn't true.

927
00:57:21.040 --> 00:57:22.800
I was just not attracting that

928
00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:26.320
because of what I was choosing to believe and see.

929
00:57:26.320 --> 00:57:28.560
And so I had to shift some of my perspective

930
00:57:29.200 --> 00:57:35.440
and really align with God and coming to that intimacy with the Lord

931
00:57:35.440 --> 00:57:38.400
and asking him to stretch me in certain areas.

932
00:57:38.400 --> 00:57:41.600
So those are all things like going to the Lord with some of that,

933
00:57:41.600 --> 00:57:45.840
just being like, I'm not saying go be open to dating Catholic,

934
00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:49.920
but what I want to challenge you is this mindset.

935
00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:53.120
I'm not saying go date the Catholics if you don't want to,

936
00:57:53.840 --> 00:57:57.600
but it's just, again, coming out of the alignment with,

937
00:57:57.600 --> 00:58:00.960
there's no Christian men in my area, okay?

938
00:58:02.240 --> 00:58:03.600
There are, I'm sure there are.

939
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:10.160
God knows how to put you in contact with your person, okay?

940
00:58:10.880 --> 00:58:13.600
So those are things that I want to challenge you with.

941
00:58:13.600 --> 00:58:17.920
So are you on, you said you met on Facebook,

942
00:58:17.920 --> 00:58:20.960
are you Facebook dating or you just met generally on Facebook?

943
00:58:22.080 --> 00:58:25.440
I met generally in a group.

944
00:58:26.240 --> 00:58:29.840
So are you open to online dating?

945
00:58:30.640 --> 00:58:30.880
Yeah.

946
00:58:31.440 --> 00:58:32.240
Okay.

947
00:58:32.240 --> 00:58:37.120
So I would encourage you to, are you on any apps at all right now?

948
00:58:37.600 --> 00:58:42.880
No, I, before I entered the program, I was in one app,

949
00:58:42.880 --> 00:58:44.880
but nothing came out of there.

950
00:58:44.880 --> 00:58:45.760
Okay, which is fine.

951
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:47.280
I was, I mean, I was in apps too,

952
00:58:47.280 --> 00:58:50.080
and obviously I didn't have a great experience,

953
00:58:50.080 --> 00:58:53.360
but I didn't allow that one, the poor experience,

954
00:58:53.360 --> 00:58:58.480
I had to not open me up to the idea of going out and getting back on.

955
00:58:58.480 --> 00:58:59.920
And I ended up doing Facebook dating.

956
00:58:59.920 --> 00:59:04.160
So Facebook actually has a free dating portion,

957
00:59:04.560 --> 00:59:09.040
portion, but there's, there's other, other online.

958
00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:15.440
I think Holy is one, Bumble, Hinge, Upword.

959
00:59:15.440 --> 00:59:19.760
Those were a couple that were, I was familiar with when I was dating,

960
00:59:20.480 --> 00:59:22.640
but I would encourage you start there.

961
00:59:23.200 --> 00:59:23.440
Okay.

962
00:59:24.240 --> 00:59:27.120
Cause it just, it sounds like in your community,

963
00:59:27.120 --> 00:59:31.360
you're having a hard time finding anyone that you would be open to dating

964
00:59:31.360 --> 00:59:32.800
in your like community.

965
00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:36.880
So expand it, get online.

966
00:59:36.880 --> 00:59:39.280
Are you willing or able to relocate,

967
00:59:39.280 --> 00:59:42.880
or would you date long distance if someone else was able to relocate?

968
00:59:43.760 --> 00:59:44.480
Yeah.

969
00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:44.800
Okay.

970
00:59:44.800 --> 00:59:46.880
I would like someone else to relocate.

971
00:59:46.880 --> 00:59:48.400
I can't relocate actually.

972
00:59:48.400 --> 00:59:51.920
You can't relocate, but you'd be willing to date long distance if they can relocate.

973
00:59:51.920 --> 00:59:52.560
Perfect.

974
00:59:52.560 --> 00:59:53.200
Okay.

975
00:59:53.200 --> 00:59:55.280
So that would be my encouragement for you.

976
00:59:55.280 --> 00:59:55.520
Okay.

977
00:59:55.520 --> 00:59:57.120
So yeah, someone said salt.

978
00:59:57.120 --> 00:59:58.320
Do you have salt in Ecuador?

979
00:59:58.320 --> 00:59:59.440
That's another great.

980
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.800
dating site. So I would encourage you, find one or two sites, get your profile going.

981
01:00:06.800 --> 01:00:14.560
If you need tips and feedback about your profile, share it with us in the app. Us coaches, myself,

982
01:00:14.560 --> 01:00:20.080
Ebony, will happily give you feedback, all right? And let's start there. Let's start

983
01:00:20.080 --> 01:00:25.600
getting you in front of other people that maybe are not just local, in hopes to kind

984
01:00:25.600 --> 01:00:37.760
of expand your pond, if you will, okay? But again, I just will caution you to be coming

985
01:00:37.760 --> 01:00:43.440
from this space of needing to grill them on their faith, all right? And I say this to

986
01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:48.560
all you ladies, because if I was there too, I'm like, what's your faith like? Like, what's

987
01:00:48.560 --> 01:00:53.920
your belief? What's this on a first date? And ladies, it doesn't have to be that, okay?

988
01:00:54.080 --> 01:01:01.680
We want to marry someone that is going to walk in our faith with us and continue that,

989
01:01:01.680 --> 01:01:04.320
okay? It's not always about where they've been, it's about where they're going,

990
01:01:05.040 --> 01:01:11.360
all right? We want y'all with believers, obviously, okay? But again, we don't want,

991
01:01:12.160 --> 01:01:21.520
take time to get to know them. What is their character like? What do they present themselves?

992
01:01:21.520 --> 01:01:28.160
And you're not going to see them for who they truly are until you get to know them, okay?

993
01:01:28.160 --> 01:01:34.720
Because we all put on our best faith, right? We all put our best foot forward. And that's

994
01:01:34.720 --> 01:01:40.880
why we really talk about pacing and really going light, taking it easy, getting to know someone.

995
01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:45.760
Let's not grill them on their faith and their walk and where they've been and what they're

996
01:01:45.760 --> 01:01:52.640
doing, okay? We don't want to go into the space of being super judgmental because ladies,

997
01:01:52.640 --> 01:02:00.240
these men sense that. They want a feminine, soft woman. They don't want someone that's going to be

998
01:02:01.040 --> 01:02:09.680
grilling them all the time, all right? Men don't want mamas, all right? Masculine husbands want

999
01:02:10.640 --> 01:02:16.400
someone that's going to match that, all right? Hopefully, that helps. Okay, so a couple of you

1000
01:02:16.400 --> 01:02:22.000
abandoned. Ziggy shared about salts. I see a lot of things going in the chat, so I'm going to make

1001
01:02:22.000 --> 01:02:28.080
sure I didn't miss anything. So yeah, Ziggy, yep, you can relate, too, because yeah, Ziggy's in

1002
01:02:28.080 --> 01:02:34.720
Germany, so she completely understands sometimes of the pickings, right? I know Ziggy's been with

1003
01:02:34.960 --> 01:02:43.920
us for a little bit, so she gets it. Yep, she's shaking her head, yep. Yeah, so Blair's saying

1004
01:02:43.920 --> 01:02:48.720
maybe it's more of a cultural, not necessarily the religion, so sometimes it could be the culture.

1005
01:02:48.720 --> 01:02:56.960
Maybe it's just maybe a lot of men in that area, like drinking is acceptable. Maybe society just

1006
01:02:56.960 --> 01:03:02.240
accepts that. I know I have a good friend that's Irish. I don't know about anybody who knows about

1007
01:03:02.240 --> 01:03:07.040
people from Ireland, but those people can drink. They can throw back against us, all right?

1008
01:03:07.760 --> 01:03:13.520
So sometimes it's just the culture, and here's the thing. That's another thing about

1009
01:03:14.560 --> 01:03:19.200
having those non-negotiables. For me, I was not going to date someone who was a smoker.

1010
01:03:19.920 --> 01:03:25.680
My dad was a smoker and had all sorts of health issues. Believe it or not, I used to smoke

1011
01:03:25.680 --> 01:03:31.680
cigarettes, and I had to cut cold turkey. It was nasty, and so I knew I didn't want to be

1012
01:03:31.680 --> 01:03:40.640
around that smell. My son's father hid that from me, and I was pregnant, and then I found

1013
01:03:40.640 --> 01:03:47.280
out he was a smoker, and I was like, what? And so that was important to me. I'm like, I don't want

1014
01:03:47.280 --> 01:03:52.320
someone who's going to hide that stuff. I don't want it at all, so I had to really make sure before

1015
01:03:52.320 --> 01:03:57.440
I got in a relationship with anybody, I was going to take my time to get to know them because I

1016
01:03:57.440 --> 01:04:01.520
wanted to make sure they weren't going to be a smoker because that was important to me. My dad

1017
01:04:01.520 --> 01:04:07.200
had health issues. My dad still smokes, and I was like, I don't want that for my future husband,

1018
01:04:07.200 --> 01:04:13.200
and I don't want that for my kid, and so that was important. Same thing with drinking. I dated

1019
01:04:13.200 --> 01:04:18.640
someone who had an alcoholic. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, and I knew I couldn't have

1020
01:04:18.640 --> 01:04:26.160
that. That was just something that I wasn't aligning with, but just because I didn't want

1021
01:04:26.160 --> 01:04:32.000
someone who was an alcoholic and a drug user, obviously we don't want any of that. I'm still

1022
01:04:32.000 --> 01:04:37.840
okay with a little bit of drinking, but I had to be mindful that I was watching how someone was

1023
01:04:37.840 --> 01:04:44.240
drinking because I didn't want it to go back. I enjoy a couple glasses of wine here and there.

1024
01:04:45.600 --> 01:04:49.840
I want to be able to do that, so just because someone drinks doesn't mean that just automatically

1025
01:04:49.840 --> 01:04:55.360
makes them an alcoholic. Just because someone's Irish doesn't make them an alcoholic. It's

1026
01:04:55.360 --> 01:04:59.920
learning to pace yourself and getting to know someone and seeing the fruit of their

1027
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.740
character. That's what I really want to emphasize to you ladies is taking the

1028
01:05:04.740 --> 01:05:10.320
time to get to know someone to see the fruit of their character. All right. But

1029
01:05:10.320 --> 01:05:14.120
yeah I think I think like Blair said it could be more of a culture thing so it

1030
01:05:14.120 --> 01:05:17.640
sounds like and I think you were shaking your head yes that it's just so it's

1031
01:05:17.640 --> 01:05:22.240
like socially acceptable and that's the unfortunate part because there's a lot

1032
01:05:22.240 --> 01:05:25.520
of things in our world that just now become socially acceptable and it's not

1033
01:05:25.520 --> 01:05:30.880
not biblical I mean that's just the way it is but doesn't mean that your

1034
01:05:30.880 --> 01:05:36.400
husband's not not there somebody said that match wasn't one bad when you were

1035
01:05:36.400 --> 01:05:41.780
back there I agree I I did match I I didn't match prior to this that was when

1036
01:05:41.780 --> 01:05:46.400
I was hesitant only because that's where I met my son's dad but here's the thing

1037
01:05:46.400 --> 01:05:51.440
ladies I know a lot of people are like I want to go on a Christian dating site

1038
01:05:51.440 --> 01:05:55.720
there's scammers on Christian sites to people I'll say they're Christian that

1039
01:05:55.720 --> 01:05:59.800
Christian on Christian site okay cuz they're just gonna try to pray all right

1040
01:05:59.800 --> 01:06:03.320
I'm not saying that you get on there and you're gonna be like scammed all the

1041
01:06:03.320 --> 01:06:08.160
time right but then on the ones that are not necessarily Christian sites there's

1042
01:06:08.160 --> 01:06:12.240
still Christian people on there like I was on non-christian sites and I'm a

1043
01:06:12.240 --> 01:06:19.720
Christian so I just want y'all to keep that as an open mind as well the good

1044
01:06:19.840 --> 01:06:25.200
good stuff okay so Rebecca had to go back to work awesome okay yes there

1045
01:06:25.200 --> 01:06:29.440
there are definitely scammers there's scammers everywhere ladies okay that's

1046
01:06:29.440 --> 01:06:33.240
why we that's why we have this community that's why we encourage y'all to share

1047
01:06:33.240 --> 01:06:38.360
what's happening because your coaches we will help you see those blind spots okay

1048
01:06:38.360 --> 01:06:42.000
it's also while we ask you not to go deep dive in with these strangers all

1049
01:06:42.000 --> 01:06:47.240
right it's about pacing and it's about balance okay and we're here to help you

1050
01:06:47.240 --> 01:06:53.280
okay anybody else Brittany and Brittany and Ziggy and then I'll take your

1051
01:06:53.280 --> 01:06:57.280
questions anybody else have questions just raise your avatar hand okay and

1052
01:06:57.280 --> 01:07:01.120
then I'll touch on a couple things about boundaries and then I will let you

1053
01:07:01.120 --> 01:07:06.040
ladies go so Brittany yes Blair thank you Brittany what you got for us today

1054
01:07:06.040 --> 01:07:13.280
yeah so I am on like three dating apps it's just the ones I've used like in the

1055
01:07:13.280 --> 01:07:19.000
past and so I've been I've been have I've been having a lot of things like

1056
01:07:19.000 --> 01:07:24.320
come up like for me because I'm like hey like God I'm really trusting you like

1057
01:07:24.320 --> 01:07:30.720
the brave people in my inbox that you know are gonna take me seriously because

1058
01:07:30.720 --> 01:07:37.080
I used to be on every dating app you can possibly imagine and and I just kind of

1059
01:07:37.080 --> 01:07:41.120
felt like I picked up where I left off like I was like burnt out and I'm like I

1060
01:07:41.120 --> 01:07:49.040
it was a time where I but I was a Christian on the on my profile and and

1061
01:07:49.040 --> 01:07:53.520
especially like hint it's a lot more different now with hinge versus before

1062
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:59.120
because they've changed some things with filtering and security measures but

1063
01:07:59.120 --> 01:08:04.080
before the security measures I used to get flooded with like a whole bunch of

1064
01:08:04.080 --> 01:08:10.400
stuff but yeah I just am I'm just like man I have sometimes I just feel like

1065
01:08:10.400 --> 01:08:13.400
man I really don't want to do this I really don't want to be back on a

1066
01:08:13.400 --> 01:08:19.600
dating app again because even the dates I went on out with before before this

1067
01:08:19.600 --> 01:08:25.200
program I met those men like through these apps and so I'm like okay like has

1068
01:08:25.200 --> 01:08:30.200
it really like changed like is there gonna be more people on here like that

1069
01:08:30.200 --> 01:08:35.439
are more Christian and I mean I see some change you know more men are being more

1070
01:08:35.439 --> 01:08:40.000
bold about sharing like this is what they're looking for and whether it's a

1071
01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:45.279
Christian woman or not but yeah I mean I've reached out to a few men and I've

1072
01:08:45.279 --> 01:08:51.520
got nothing back at all and I was like oh that kind of stings a little bit but

1073
01:08:51.520 --> 01:08:57.960
I was like you know I don't know what to do first and then you're not getting

1074
01:08:57.960 --> 01:09:04.279
response back yeah so like for example like if I see something that like if I

1075
01:09:04.279 --> 01:09:10.399
see someone that like I read their profile and now the app say like hey

1076
01:09:10.399 --> 01:09:15.880
wave at them or like their photo whatever and then it always comes up

1077
01:09:15.880 --> 01:09:20.840
with a box to prompt you to say like hey how about you say something else like so

1078
01:09:20.840 --> 01:09:24.439
you know they suggested and so that's what I kind of did like hey I like your

1079
01:09:24.439 --> 01:09:30.960
profile and you said X Y & Z like you know you like to go you like to go

1080
01:09:30.960 --> 01:09:35.359
hiking for example and what kind of places you like to go to like just

1081
01:09:35.359 --> 01:09:48.680
something yeah I'm only just on three it's some hinge holy and then there's

1082
01:09:48.680 --> 01:09:54.120
more of a newer app which is firebond that's more of a newer one yes yeah

1083
01:09:54.120 --> 01:09:58.840
those are the only three I'm on is like I can't take it yeah don't don't do more

1084
01:09:58.840 --> 01:10:01.520
than two or three

1085
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.480
Like Brittany said, it can get really overwhelming and it can be a lot to manage.

1086
01:10:06.480 --> 01:10:12.900
If you find yourself kind of getting overwhelmed with the whole online dating, let's assess

1087
01:10:12.900 --> 01:10:15.440
on how many apps are you on?

1088
01:10:15.440 --> 01:10:18.000
How much time are you spending?

1089
01:10:18.000 --> 01:10:19.820
And let's start there.

1090
01:10:19.820 --> 01:10:21.080
So that's what I would encourage you.

1091
01:10:21.080 --> 01:10:25.640
If you had to, can you, like next one and maybe not check it for a little bit and maybe

1092
01:10:25.640 --> 01:10:33.320
just focus on one, maybe two from there and then setting time parameters for yourself.

1093
01:10:33.320 --> 01:10:38.160
That's something that I had to do so that I didn't find myself constantly swiping and

1094
01:10:38.160 --> 01:10:39.160
all that kind of stuff.

1095
01:10:39.160 --> 01:10:43.200
Because ladies, that can get draining, especially when you get hopeful, you see this like great

1096
01:10:43.200 --> 01:10:45.920
profile and you're like, then you get nothing.

1097
01:10:45.920 --> 01:10:47.760
So that's what I'm saying.

1098
01:10:47.760 --> 01:10:50.200
We want to look at those types of things.

1099
01:10:50.200 --> 01:10:54.880
Like if this is going to continue to keep reoccurring where you kind of feel that disappointment,

1100
01:10:54.880 --> 01:10:57.840
this is when those revealing for healings can happen.

1101
01:10:57.840 --> 01:11:03.000
It's assessing, okay, why, why am I feeling this disappointment?

1102
01:11:03.000 --> 01:11:04.760
What am I believing?

1103
01:11:04.760 --> 01:11:07.240
What are my expectations?

1104
01:11:07.240 --> 01:11:08.960
And how am I responding to that?

1105
01:11:08.960 --> 01:11:13.920
Because ladies, what I want to share to this kind of, I felt this Brittany, when you were

1106
01:11:13.920 --> 01:11:22.680
talking is if we are, if we're going in with this expectation of something and it doesn't

1107
01:11:22.680 --> 01:11:28.360
look the way that we want it to, it's very easy for us to kind of go to this negative

1108
01:11:28.360 --> 01:11:29.360
mindset.

1109
01:11:29.360 --> 01:11:30.360
Okay.

1110
01:11:30.360 --> 01:11:31.360
I do that.

1111
01:11:31.360 --> 01:11:32.360
I say this because I've done it.

1112
01:11:32.360 --> 01:11:33.360
All right.

1113
01:11:33.360 --> 01:11:38.600
What I want to encourage you ladies, and I do believe even Bethany spoke about this last

1114
01:11:38.600 --> 01:11:39.600
week.

1115
01:11:39.600 --> 01:11:46.600
I know I've spoken about it a few times is we have to approach dating in a different

1116
01:11:46.600 --> 01:11:50.680
lens as an opportunity for growth.

1117
01:11:50.680 --> 01:11:57.640
It's not just going to be, I'm here to meet my husband, but there's a preparation.

1118
01:11:57.640 --> 01:12:04.160
So every promise has a process.

1119
01:12:04.160 --> 01:12:08.600
There's a prepping, there's a process that has to take, take place.

1120
01:12:08.600 --> 01:12:14.800
And what I mean by this is even for myself, I was in this program for over two years before

1121
01:12:14.800 --> 01:12:17.040
I met my husband.

1122
01:12:17.040 --> 01:12:24.800
There was things that God had to work in me first and he used dating the men that were

1123
01:12:24.800 --> 01:12:31.400
not my spirit mate to help me prepare and process and to highlight things that I needed

1124
01:12:31.400 --> 01:12:39.680
to work on in myself, you know, so there were guys that had to come along that weren't it

1125
01:12:39.680 --> 01:12:45.680
to help teach me and grow me and show me new ways of doing things because ladies, if I

1126
01:12:45.680 --> 01:12:50.880
was going to continue to date the way that I used to, it wasn't going to be good.

1127
01:12:50.880 --> 01:12:52.840
So God had to take me through this process.

1128
01:12:52.840 --> 01:12:57.720
So ladies, some of you are going to experience some disappointment.

1129
01:12:57.720 --> 01:13:00.680
I know that's not what you want to hear, right?

1130
01:13:00.680 --> 01:13:03.920
But there is going to be disappointment in it and it's the, I wouldn't look at it as

1131
01:13:03.920 --> 01:13:04.920
a disappointment.

1132
01:13:04.920 --> 01:13:07.080
I would look at it as an opportunity.

1133
01:13:07.080 --> 01:13:12.880
God, how do you want to use the situation, this circumstance, this feeling, this emotion

1134
01:13:12.960 --> 01:13:20.920
to grow me into the bride that you have called me to be?

1135
01:13:20.920 --> 01:13:22.880
I had to prepare for my husband.

1136
01:13:22.880 --> 01:13:26.080
All right, y'all, I married my husband.

1137
01:13:26.080 --> 01:13:28.240
We are blending a family.

1138
01:13:28.240 --> 01:13:36.240
My husband and his two kids, my bonus children, they had been through some trauma.

1139
01:13:36.240 --> 01:13:41.220
My youngest and myself, we had been through separate trauma.

1140
01:13:41.220 --> 01:13:46.460
And so there was some refining that needed to happen before I was ready to take that

1141
01:13:46.460 --> 01:13:47.460
on.

1142
01:13:47.460 --> 01:13:55.100
And I will tell you, okay, there is some refining that's happening in our marriage and our blending

1143
01:13:55.100 --> 01:13:56.100
of our family.

1144
01:13:56.100 --> 01:14:03.340
All right, I got two teenage kids and I got a nine-year-old, all right, whose dad basically

1145
01:14:03.340 --> 01:14:07.780
like has rejected him his whole life.

1146
01:14:07.780 --> 01:14:10.660
Who's feeling it, okay?

1147
01:14:10.660 --> 01:14:13.020
So I got a lot going on.

1148
01:14:13.020 --> 01:14:19.500
And so there had to be some work in me because God was like, okay, you've got to be prepared

1149
01:14:19.500 --> 01:14:24.380
because I'm setting you in this situation and you need to be ready for it.

1150
01:14:24.380 --> 01:14:29.460
And I had no idea, but I will tell you some of the things that I had learned on the way

1151
01:14:29.460 --> 01:14:33.980
I'm now applying here in my blended family.

1152
01:14:33.980 --> 01:14:36.640
I'm coaching even my daughter.

1153
01:14:36.640 --> 01:14:40.100
My daughter has gone through so much trauma.

1154
01:14:40.100 --> 01:14:43.980
Her mom died when she was seven years old, y'all.

1155
01:14:43.980 --> 01:14:47.620
She was raised by a single dad, all right?

1156
01:14:47.620 --> 01:14:51.620
There's some mental health stuff that her mom had even.

1157
01:14:51.620 --> 01:14:53.860
There was a lot of stuff going on.

1158
01:14:53.860 --> 01:14:57.500
And even now, like she's having to learn.

1159
01:14:57.500 --> 01:14:59.940
She didn't get the mom that she thought.

1160
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.920
she wanted, but God knew the type of mom that I was and it's what she's needed.

1161
01:15:07.160 --> 01:15:12.600
And so we're having, like, she's, we butt heads quite frequently, y'all.

1162
01:15:13.760 --> 01:15:14.120
All right.

1163
01:15:14.120 --> 01:15:18.760
I was, I was not like, you know, at first, like I was a boy mom.

1164
01:15:18.840 --> 01:15:19.360
All right.

1165
01:15:19.400 --> 01:15:21.960
And I didn't, I didn't get this daughter as a little baby.

1166
01:15:21.960 --> 01:15:25.080
I got her at, you know, 11, turning 12 and now she's 13.

1167
01:15:25.800 --> 01:15:27.360
There's some, I don't know about y'all.

1168
01:15:27.360 --> 01:15:30.320
Like I was, you know, we all were teenage girls before.

1169
01:15:30.360 --> 01:15:30.640
All right.

1170
01:15:30.640 --> 01:15:33.600
I don't know if you recall how you were when you were a teen.

1171
01:15:34.040 --> 01:15:37.440
I'm like, I know all of her, like, oh man, we were not that friendly to our

1172
01:15:37.440 --> 01:15:41.280
moms and we were a little bit sassy and drama and all that kind of stuff.

1173
01:15:41.560 --> 01:15:46.920
Y'all like we, we deal with that, but I'm telling like, again, it's the process.

1174
01:15:46.920 --> 01:15:53.240
So there's things that God will want to give you opportunities to grow in so

1175
01:15:53.240 --> 01:15:58.800
that when your husband comes and your families come and all those things, you're

1176
01:15:58.800 --> 01:16:01.000
already prepared before you even know it.

1177
01:16:02.360 --> 01:16:04.320
And then there's growth that still happens there.

1178
01:16:04.320 --> 01:16:07.880
There's experiences and people that are coming in my life and

1179
01:16:07.880 --> 01:16:09.480
showing me new ways of things.

1180
01:16:09.480 --> 01:16:11.640
God's stretching me in this season.

1181
01:16:12.120 --> 01:16:14.120
So I want you ladies to look at it.

1182
01:16:14.120 --> 01:16:18.640
And I say all of this, Brittany, because again, we want to make sure that we're

1183
01:16:18.640 --> 01:16:21.920
looking at everything as an, a positive opportunity.

1184
01:16:21.960 --> 01:16:22.800
How can you grow?

1185
01:16:22.800 --> 01:16:23.600
How can you learn?

1186
01:16:23.600 --> 01:16:29.280
How can you, how can you prepare for what God has in store for you?

1187
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:32.760
So again, we have to acknowledge like, ladies, you're going to feel the

1188
01:16:32.760 --> 01:16:33.360
disappointment.

1189
01:16:33.520 --> 01:16:33.920
Okay.

1190
01:16:33.920 --> 01:16:37.440
And I know I just said that there, there's going to be that disappointment there.

1191
01:16:37.880 --> 01:16:38.160
All right.

1192
01:16:38.160 --> 01:16:41.360
That's why you have this community because we're here, we're here to help.

1193
01:16:41.680 --> 01:16:43.800
You can, you can bear that weight on us.

1194
01:16:43.800 --> 01:16:44.520
Okay.

1195
01:16:45.640 --> 01:16:46.240
All right.

1196
01:16:46.280 --> 01:16:51.880
So, but let's focus on, okay, what can I do differently?

1197
01:16:52.280 --> 01:16:56.920
So that I grow from this and I have an opportunity there.

1198
01:16:56.920 --> 01:17:06.840
So I would say, let's look at what expectation are you having with reaching

1199
01:17:06.840 --> 01:17:10.280
out to guys and then not responding back?

1200
01:17:10.800 --> 01:17:12.640
Is there a feeling of rejection?

1201
01:17:12.680 --> 01:17:14.440
Where does that come from?

1202
01:17:14.480 --> 01:17:15.920
Is there some growth there?

1203
01:17:15.920 --> 01:17:17.320
Is there an opportunity?

1204
01:17:17.800 --> 01:17:18.120
All right.

1205
01:17:18.120 --> 01:17:19.960
Are we going to focus on the rejection?

1206
01:17:19.960 --> 01:17:25.520
Are we going to focus on, you got a couple other apps that you can go on other

1207
01:17:25.520 --> 01:17:27.360
people that you can make connection with?

1208
01:17:27.360 --> 01:17:28.080
Cause here's the thing.

1209
01:17:28.080 --> 01:17:29.920
The enemy is going to want you always looking over here.

1210
01:17:31.040 --> 01:17:32.840
Once you're looking back there, right?

1211
01:17:33.160 --> 01:17:34.040
Not here.

1212
01:17:35.880 --> 01:17:36.400
All right.

1213
01:17:36.440 --> 01:17:37.360
I hope that helps.

1214
01:17:37.360 --> 01:17:42.680
I don't know if I addressed exactly what you were asking.

1215
01:17:43.520 --> 01:17:44.920
Yeah, I think you did.

1216
01:17:44.920 --> 01:17:49.400
Cause I, I thought some things too, like, Oh, rejection, you know, like what

1217
01:17:49.400 --> 01:17:50.440
were my expectations?

1218
01:17:50.440 --> 01:17:53.320
Like, were they too high going into this?

1219
01:17:53.320 --> 01:17:57.840
And I felt like that's what ended up happening besides trying to pace myself.

1220
01:17:57.840 --> 01:18:03.960
So, um, I'm going to be able to like, just process that and, um, journal

1221
01:18:03.960 --> 01:18:04.720
and take it from there.

1222
01:18:05.120 --> 01:18:05.480
Yeah.

1223
01:18:05.480 --> 01:18:06.200
You're God defended.

1224
01:18:06.200 --> 01:18:07.400
You're God protected.

1225
01:18:07.920 --> 01:18:10.560
Sometimes it's like, he's just protecting you.

1226
01:18:10.560 --> 01:18:13.040
He's not even going to bring, he's not even going to have that guy respond to

1227
01:18:13.040 --> 01:18:18.760
you because it's probably, it's not for you because you cannot mess up your

1228
01:18:18.800 --> 01:18:19.480
spirit mate.

1229
01:18:20.800 --> 01:18:21.360
All right.

1230
01:18:21.720 --> 01:18:23.520
And I know that somebody else brought that up.

1231
01:18:23.520 --> 01:18:25.760
They, they had a situation.

1232
01:18:25.760 --> 01:18:31.880
They, they, one of your sisters gave her number out and set a boundary and he like

1233
01:18:32.040 --> 01:18:37.040
then started messaging her and then she started feeling like, you know, he wasn't

1234
01:18:37.040 --> 01:18:37.880
respecting that.

1235
01:18:37.880 --> 01:18:41.400
She kind of got irritated and he got like triggered too.

1236
01:18:41.720 --> 01:18:45.480
And then she's like, what if I messed up, you know, getting to know this great guy?

1237
01:18:45.520 --> 01:18:49.280
Well, if he was your spirit mate, you wouldn't have messed it up.

1238
01:18:50.040 --> 01:18:53.320
So it's just remember like you are God defended.

1239
01:18:54.120 --> 01:18:54.640
All right.

1240
01:18:55.120 --> 01:18:58.520
There's, there's, we don't have to have that scarcity mindset.

1241
01:18:59.080 --> 01:18:59.640
All right.

1242
01:19:00.720 --> 01:19:02.680
You can't mess up your spirit mate.

1243
01:19:05.800 --> 01:19:06.440
All right.

1244
01:19:07.200 --> 01:19:08.560
Oh, good to see you Ziggy.

1245
01:19:08.560 --> 01:19:09.640
How are you?

1246
01:19:10.280 --> 01:19:11.280
I'm doing all right.

1247
01:19:11.280 --> 01:19:11.760
Thank you.

1248
01:19:11.760 --> 01:19:13.120
It's good to see you too.

1249
01:19:13.600 --> 01:19:14.120
Yes.

1250
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:16.360
I'm in a couple of weeks.

1251
01:19:17.080 --> 01:19:17.800
Yes.

1252
01:19:18.360 --> 01:19:21.440
And you're going to be, you're going to be shifting to phase three soon, right?

1253
01:19:21.440 --> 01:19:21.600
Yeah.

1254
01:19:21.600 --> 01:19:22.880
Well, that is one of my questions.

1255
01:19:22.880 --> 01:19:27.760
I, let me briefly, um, phrase three questions and then we can see which one we

1256
01:19:27.760 --> 01:19:33.120
jump into and which one we, once we don't have time, I had a couple of situations.

1257
01:19:33.600 --> 01:19:36.320
Um, one question is how do I handle ghosting?

1258
01:19:36.600 --> 01:19:42.960
The second question is how do I handle, like if I meet a guy in real life and we

1259
01:19:42.960 --> 01:19:46.280
start talking and kind of flirting and I really get the impression he wants to meet

1260
01:19:46.280 --> 01:19:48.960
me again, but doesn't ask, doesn't ask for my phone number.

1261
01:19:48.960 --> 01:19:50.160
Do I just give it to him?

1262
01:19:50.400 --> 01:19:56.120
That's the third one is when is, when is it time to move to phase three?

1263
01:19:56.520 --> 01:19:56.880
Okay.

1264
01:19:57.360 --> 01:19:58.280
All good questions.

1265
01:19:59.040 --> 01:19:59.680
Ghosting.

1266
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.000
You get ghosted

1267
01:20:02.120 --> 01:20:08.760
Totally fine. We used to call this back in my day when we when we first started this program. We called it. Holy ghosting

1268
01:20:09.560 --> 01:20:11.560
So is it a blessing?

1269
01:20:11.800 --> 01:20:18.040
It's not even a it's not even a it's not even a block because they've kind of just decided to take themselves out

1270
01:20:18.440 --> 01:20:26.400
For whatever reason we don't need to know but it's literally it's divine protection if they're ghosting you just just say it's divine

1271
01:20:27.280 --> 01:20:29.320
For whatever reason it's divine

1272
01:20:30.360 --> 01:20:35.160
Totally fine because here's the thing has nothing to do with you. There's everything to do with them

1273
01:20:35.880 --> 01:20:36.960
Yeah, that's good

1274
01:20:36.960 --> 01:20:41.440
But if you're finding that you're still like you get ghost and you kind of feel like it

1275
01:20:41.520 --> 01:20:48.320
Stirring something up in you then that's if it's continuing to happen. That's again. It's a reveal heal. Let's let's navigate that

1276
01:20:48.480 --> 01:20:53.520
So if that's something that's starting to come in and you're starting to feel a certain way and it's starting to take up a lot

1277
01:20:53.520 --> 01:20:56.600
Of space in your mind then maybe it's God

1278
01:20:57.120 --> 01:21:00.680
Highlighting something to you and giving you an opportunity to heal from

1279
01:21:01.320 --> 01:21:06.600
So again, it could be that rejection if I'm being ghosted. Am I being rejected? I'm not good enough

1280
01:21:06.600 --> 01:21:09.680
Whatever whatever that looks like. Okay, and then that could be

1281
01:21:10.560 --> 01:21:16.200
Let's heal from it. All right, God can use those opportunities in all those situations

1282
01:21:16.200 --> 01:21:20.280
But we used to call it holy ghosting you'd be like, thank you God divine protection

1283
01:21:20.960 --> 01:21:22.960
Because you never know

1284
01:21:23.400 --> 01:21:26.000
That person could have reached out and they could have just been

1285
01:21:26.760 --> 01:21:32.040
Drama trauma and all sorts of stuff. I'm just not good. So look at it as holy ghosting

1286
01:21:34.400 --> 01:21:39.400
If you're connecting with a guy and you enjoyed yourself and they're not

1287
01:21:40.280 --> 01:21:43.680
picking up the wanting to hang out with you if

1288
01:21:44.720 --> 01:21:50.080
You had a first date or maybe you've had a first date. This is when

1289
01:21:51.080 --> 01:21:53.200
You can drop that hanky, okay

1290
01:21:53.200 --> 01:22:00.160
So ladies if you've not met somebody you're you're having interaction and you really want to get to know them and you want to have a meet

1291
01:22:00.160 --> 01:22:02.080
Up, it's okay

1292
01:22:02.080 --> 01:22:08.360
To throw that bait out there. Like, you know what? I love the conversation. We're having I would love for us to like

1293
01:22:08.960 --> 01:22:15.480
Go hang out. Let's you know, maybe we can go bowling. Maybe we go grab coffee. Maybe we grab, you know breakfast together

1294
01:22:16.480 --> 01:22:23.600
Whatever what have you and throw that out there, you know, he said that and he did that

1295
01:22:24.520 --> 01:22:27.920
He said that I mean we had a date and then he said let's do that again

1296
01:22:27.920 --> 01:22:32.000
And and then he doesn't reply or he doesn't okay, so you

1297
01:22:33.160 --> 01:22:36.680
You guys had a first date. He said he'd like to do it again

1298
01:22:37.720 --> 01:22:39.600
Did you agree?

1299
01:22:39.600 --> 01:22:47.600
Yes, okay, has there been any like contact have you guys messaged phone call text any that I

1300
01:22:48.120 --> 01:22:51.320
Waited for like eight days and then I wrote him. Hey, it's been a while

1301
01:22:51.320 --> 01:22:56.340
Are you are you are you doing? Okay or something to that extent and he didn't he didn't reply. Okay

1302
01:22:57.160 --> 01:23:00.400
Before that he he wrote me every day in the future

1303
01:23:01.280 --> 01:23:03.280
Don't wait eight days

1304
01:23:03.840 --> 01:23:05.840
Okay

1305
01:23:06.280 --> 01:23:11.680
If you go ladies when you go out on a date, let's say you go out on a Saturday lunch, okay

1306
01:23:12.080 --> 01:23:15.240
Just let's pick Saturday lunch. It's okay

1307
01:23:15.880 --> 01:23:18.840
For you to reach out Sunday evening

1308
01:23:19.800 --> 01:23:25.200
Or in say hey or the next day maybe Sunday morning. You know what? I really want to thank you for lunch

1309
01:23:25.200 --> 01:23:31.520
I had a really nice time would love to get together again. Please. Let me know when you're free

1310
01:23:31.520 --> 01:23:33.520
And

1311
01:23:34.080 --> 01:23:40.600
That's and that's it and then let him initiate let him figure that out and then if they after you've given it

1312
01:23:40.600 --> 01:23:46.680
I mean, I wouldn't give it more than 24 or 48 hours before kind of expressing. I really had a nice time

1313
01:23:46.680 --> 01:23:52.040
Let's do that again, even when you're leaving the first date and you have that exchange

1314
01:23:52.760 --> 01:23:57.920
Sometimes there's just nerves and all sorts of stuff and you're just saying things to say things wait at least, you know

1315
01:23:57.920 --> 01:24:02.920
if you're in that 24 hour no more than 48 hours throw it back out there and

1316
01:24:03.960 --> 01:24:06.960
Then at that point let him initiate the second date

1317
01:24:07.640 --> 01:24:14.560
But it doesn't letting him initiate the second date and you sharing that you want to go on a second date or two different things

1318
01:24:14.560 --> 01:24:18.640
You can still say hey, I want to do this again. Let me know if you're free

1319
01:24:19.840 --> 01:24:24.960
Then let him plan it. Let him initiate. Hey next weekend

1320
01:24:24.960 --> 01:24:28.880
I would love to do this and then let him do it. But when we wait that eight days

1321
01:24:29.560 --> 01:24:31.560
My guess is he probably

1322
01:24:32.120 --> 01:24:34.120
Thought that you weren't interested

1323
01:24:34.240 --> 01:24:36.080
Then heard from you

1324
01:24:36.080 --> 01:24:42.880
I'm not saying like here's the thing guys. They can initiate that they can reach out to but sometimes men are weird

1325
01:24:44.640 --> 01:24:48.880
Sometimes they get ladies they get just as insecure as we do I

1326
01:24:49.880 --> 01:24:54.640
Was kind of going with what Rene was teaching let them know at the end of the date

1327
01:24:54.640 --> 01:24:59.640
You're interested and I did and then let them initiate and then after eight days

1328
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:02.700
I'm like, okay, let's just see if he's yeah, that's what I'm

1329
01:25:02.700 --> 01:25:04.580
saying. I wouldn't wait the eight days. I mean, yes, we

1330
01:25:04.580 --> 01:25:06.660
want to let them know at the end. But then the next day you

1331
01:25:06.660 --> 01:25:09.180
can still like I mean, if he's messaging me every day, like

1332
01:25:09.180 --> 01:25:14.900
again, ladies, I would limit the amount of texting and talking.

1333
01:25:15.740 --> 01:25:19.860
Don't do the everyday thing. I mean, it's it naturally happens

1334
01:25:19.860 --> 01:25:23.500
like I say that my husband was messaging me every day. All

1335
01:25:23.500 --> 01:25:28.380
right. Now I would pace it because I'm like, I'm not going

1336
01:25:28.380 --> 01:25:33.960
to respond to you every minute you message me. But I got to

1337
01:25:33.960 --> 01:25:36.720
know him a little bit. And again, we were long distance was

1338
01:25:36.720 --> 01:25:40.960
slightly different. But it was phone calls, FaceTime, things

1339
01:25:40.960 --> 01:25:45.640
of that nature. But again, like healthy pacing. Because again,

1340
01:25:45.640 --> 01:25:48.560
if you're talking to somebody every day, and you're trying to

1341
01:25:48.560 --> 01:25:51.960
date a couple different people, because we do encourage you all

1342
01:25:51.960 --> 01:25:55.740
just to, you know, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You

1343
01:25:55.740 --> 01:25:59.960
know, really get to know people. All right. Because typically

1344
01:25:59.960 --> 01:26:03.360
after a couple weeks, if someone's interested in you,

1345
01:26:03.880 --> 01:26:08.760
they're going to show that initiation. So I would say in

1346
01:26:08.760 --> 01:26:12.600
the future, maybe not wait the whole eight days. But again, if

1347
01:26:12.660 --> 01:26:15.880
you even even if you waited, you know, 24 hours, 48 hours, and

1348
01:26:15.880 --> 01:26:18.520
you drop that Hanky and said it was really nice. Thank you

1349
01:26:18.520 --> 01:26:21.600
again so much. I mean, you might not even have to say when are

1350
01:26:21.600 --> 01:26:23.940
you free next? Like I had a really great time. Thank you

1351
01:26:23.940 --> 01:26:30.640
again for for lunch, by the way. And see what happens. And if

1352
01:26:30.640 --> 01:26:34.620
he's not responding to you, and you're kind of seeing, chances

1353
01:26:34.620 --> 01:26:38.360
are he's probably just didn't have the connection. And he's

1354
01:26:38.360 --> 01:26:42.080
not, you know, he's uncomfortable to have that

1355
01:26:42.080 --> 01:26:47.640
conversation. Ladies, sometimes men are sometimes men are not

1356
01:26:47.680 --> 01:26:52.880
there. I know so many women say I don't want to string this guy

1357
01:26:52.900 --> 01:26:55.820
along. I don't know how to tell them that I don't want to and

1358
01:26:55.820 --> 01:26:59.140
then they end up ghosting you end up ghosting them. Or you're

1359
01:26:59.140 --> 01:27:03.980
so afraid to tell them the honest truth that I just not

1360
01:27:03.980 --> 01:27:07.340
interested. You're a nice person. Thank you for the day.

1361
01:27:07.380 --> 01:27:11.180
I just don't see this going in a romantic. We all do it men do

1362
01:27:11.180 --> 01:27:16.040
it too. Right. And again, it doesn't have anything to do with

1363
01:27:16.040 --> 01:27:23.300
you. It's just them. But I will also share a perspective to

1364
01:27:23.300 --> 01:27:28.580
have is that not to look at it as rejection, but looking at as

1365
01:27:28.580 --> 01:27:38.180
again, protection. And remember, you don't want someone unsure

1366
01:27:38.180 --> 01:27:41.900
of dating you or you unsure of dating them. If you're not if

1367
01:27:41.900 --> 01:27:45.940
you know that it's not a match. You don't you want them you

1368
01:27:45.940 --> 01:27:48.440
want to release them so that they can go find their person

1369
01:27:48.440 --> 01:27:54.560
you want them to release you. So you're not tied up in limbo and

1370
01:27:54.560 --> 01:27:58.000
being held up to, you know, moving forward to meet your

1371
01:27:58.000 --> 01:28:01.360
spirit mate. So let's look at it from a perspective now I'm not

1372
01:28:01.360 --> 01:28:04.240
being rejected. I'm being protected. I'm you know, I'm

1373
01:28:04.240 --> 01:28:07.300
releasing this person because his spirit mate is out there.

1374
01:28:08.040 --> 01:28:11.960
And I don't want to hold him back from it. And you know, if

1375
01:28:11.960 --> 01:28:15.600
he's not interested in me, that's fine. I'm just one step

1376
01:28:15.600 --> 01:28:20.640
closer to my spirit mate. So look at it that way. Last

1377
01:28:20.640 --> 01:28:24.980
question, when you are ready to move on to phase three, so

1378
01:28:24.980 --> 01:28:27.860
you've completed all your videos, you've been to several

1379
01:28:27.860 --> 01:28:33.060
lives, which I love, you've shared in the app, right? You

1380
01:28:33.060 --> 01:28:37.980
will email admin at Jackie Dorman calm and request move to

1381
01:28:37.980 --> 01:28:44.300
phase three. And then the rest is history. Then that's getting

1382
01:28:44.300 --> 01:28:49.160
started. Here. You're welcome. All right, I got Blair's

1383
01:28:49.160 --> 01:28:53.180
question. We are an hour and a half in. So I know some ladies

1384
01:28:53.180 --> 01:28:56.000
had to drop off because of work. I get it. It's that time of day.

1385
01:28:56.160 --> 01:28:59.520
Ladies, if you can't stick around, it's totally fine. You

1386
01:28:59.520 --> 01:29:03.440
can you can leave if you need to. I will stick around. I'm

1387
01:29:03.440 --> 01:29:07.240
going to take Blair's question. If anybody else has questions. I

1388
01:29:07.240 --> 01:29:09.740
will take those as well. Okay.

1389
01:29:11.080 --> 01:29:12.860
Blair, how are you?

1390
01:29:14.300 --> 01:29:15.160
Oh, you're muted.

1391
01:29:17.100 --> 01:29:24.620
Can you hear me? Yes. Okay. Um, so I'm almost ready to for phase

1392
01:29:24.620 --> 01:29:27.820
three and also not email. But my question is I've gone on a

1393
01:29:27.820 --> 01:29:33.220
couple days with a guy. Really nice. He's kind of like on

1394
01:29:33.220 --> 01:29:36.060
paper, everything that like, you know, I want he's well

1395
01:29:36.060 --> 01:29:41.240
established. He seems to be really nice. Like, um, but

1396
01:29:41.240 --> 01:29:44.000
there's a couple I don't even know if they're beige flags.

1397
01:29:44.080 --> 01:29:46.080
Like it might be what things like I'm just turning into

1398
01:29:46.080 --> 01:29:47.240
something it doesn't need to be.

1399
01:29:47.760 --> 01:29:52.160
Yeah, we all have yellow flags. Okay. All right. It's giving

1400
01:29:52.160 --> 01:29:57.720
time to see right yellow turning green. So help us see what those

1401
01:29:57.720 --> 01:29:58.360
flags are.

1402
01:29:58.400 --> 01:29:59.480
Okay, so

1403
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.680
both times that we've met so I I live in a small town about 45 minutes south of Fresno and I work

1404
01:30:05.680 --> 01:30:11.440
in Fresno and he lives in Clovis which is like adjacent to Fresno but it's like on the other

1405
01:30:11.440 --> 01:30:17.360
side so I work in like South Fresno and to get to Clovis is like 25 minutes from where I work

1406
01:30:18.400 --> 01:30:24.720
um and we met after work one day and um and I don't normally drive to work I do a vanpool so I

1407
01:30:24.720 --> 01:30:30.160
meet at like a closer location and take a van carpool basically so I met him I drove in one

1408
01:30:30.160 --> 01:30:35.280
day and we met and we met like at a little piano bar type deal um but it's not really a bar it was

1409
01:30:35.280 --> 01:30:40.800
a restaurant very you know um and I get there and I went in order to drink which I because you know

1410
01:30:40.800 --> 01:30:47.600
he had a drink and I didn't you know and I'm not opposed to you know drinking um and we said then

1411
01:30:47.600 --> 01:30:51.520
we talked for a couple hours it was really nice conversation flowed easily he said I want to do

1412
01:30:51.520 --> 01:30:56.240
this again we ended up meeting um I had to work on a Saturday um which is kind of out of the norm

1413
01:30:56.240 --> 01:31:01.920
for me so I met up again and I remember asking him like oh what are you drinking and he was

1414
01:31:01.920 --> 01:31:07.280
drinking a soda water just like a lime and soda water and I was like and laughed and the first

1415
01:31:07.280 --> 01:31:11.120
time I felt bad because you know I knew he was probably going to treat so I didn't get dinner

1416
01:31:11.120 --> 01:31:15.600
but again it was after work I hadn't eaten anything and the second time kind of same thing

1417
01:31:15.600 --> 01:31:19.760
I went directly after work and um I got a drink and that's when I found out he was just drinking

1418
01:31:19.760 --> 01:31:25.280
soda water and I'm just like and I just felt bad because he didn't make any moves when they asked

1419
01:31:25.280 --> 01:31:28.240
us if we wanted food he didn't you know oh yeah well you know we're going to order dinner or

1420
01:31:28.240 --> 01:31:33.280
whatever um and then I ended up getting chips and salsa because honestly I got a margarita

1421
01:31:33.280 --> 01:31:37.840
so he so they asked did you want dinner and he said yeah well he's like they're like would you

1422
01:31:37.840 --> 01:31:43.440
like something to eat and he's like oh no we're good um okay I was like okay and I had had I got

1423
01:31:43.440 --> 01:31:49.040
a margarita um and I needed something to eat so I was like is it okay if I order something I'll pay

1424
01:31:49.040 --> 01:31:51.840
for it and he's like oh no yeah don't worry about it just you know and so I ended up just getting

1425
01:31:51.840 --> 01:31:55.280
like the cheapest thing which is chips and salsa and it's kind of funny because afterwards I went

1426
01:31:55.280 --> 01:31:58.960
and got a hamburger because I was so hungry because you know I didn't eat and since I mean I

1427
01:31:58.960 --> 01:32:07.680
I try to I guess I had my salad for lunch and the thing is like I have because historically um

1428
01:32:07.680 --> 01:32:12.160
guys I don't I've never been the girl that gets chased by guys or whatever I've only had a handful

1429
01:32:12.160 --> 01:32:18.320
of guys interested in me and they're always like very like no motivation no job you know either

1430
01:32:18.320 --> 01:32:22.080
whatever and so it feels good to have this guy and he seems like he's still interested

1431
01:32:22.080 --> 01:32:27.120
but my two flags are one like he's financially stable but is he cheap you know and that sounds

1432
01:32:27.120 --> 01:32:31.040
horrible but I don't you know I'm like am I like am I the problem because I'm not very good with

1433
01:32:31.040 --> 01:32:37.760
money so I'm not one to be judging and then the other thing is um he still has not come out my way

1434
01:32:37.760 --> 01:32:42.160
to visit and he comes out here he travels a little bit for work like just in our area

1435
01:32:42.160 --> 01:32:46.400
and he's like and he's kind of um been like oh when I'm you know next time I'm in you know your

1436
01:32:46.400 --> 01:32:50.400
town I'll we should go out to dinner and I've been like that's great but he hasn't actually

1437
01:32:50.400 --> 01:32:54.880
come and he keeps like hinting or asking me like oh well did you drive to work today are you good

1438
01:32:54.880 --> 01:33:01.360
to meet after dinner you know after work and like should I continue you know does that make sense

1439
01:33:01.360 --> 01:33:05.200
like should I continue to put all the effort in to see him or should I kind of be like wait until

1440
01:33:05.200 --> 01:33:10.560
he makes the effort to come out I would say continue to keep pacing like keep that pacing

1441
01:33:10.560 --> 01:33:18.640
I would say again like one thing I do want to challenge you with is the hesitation

1442
01:33:19.680 --> 01:33:27.760
to get something cheaper on the menu if you're hungry eat something all right and say hey I'm

1443
01:33:27.760 --> 01:33:32.320
gonna go ahead and order this are you sure you don't want anything I'm gonna order order what

1444
01:33:32.320 --> 01:33:42.960
it is that you want and that that in itself will will show you his response okay I had a time where

1445
01:33:42.960 --> 01:33:49.440
I was out on a date with a guy who's actually from this community and we had we went on like a walk

1446
01:33:49.440 --> 01:33:54.080
and did coffee whatever and then he we drove somewhere and he's like hey let's go check this

1447
01:33:54.080 --> 01:33:59.040
out and then he's like hey do you want to go grab lunch I was like yeah sure we went ordered at this

1448
01:33:59.040 --> 01:34:06.640
counter and I was first and the the woman at the register was like oh is this together

1449
01:34:07.440 --> 01:34:14.160
and I was like yeah and I like I was like he could pay and he was like oh and I'm like no

1450
01:34:16.560 --> 01:34:21.440
and I was like I knew I was like he's in this community so he knows Jackie would like rip him

1451
01:34:21.440 --> 01:34:27.040
a new one and but I would just say encourage it and obviously like I kind of saw he probably

1452
01:34:27.040 --> 01:34:35.600
didn't want to but I didn't have to feel bad okay it wasn't like we went to a fancy restaurant

1453
01:34:35.600 --> 01:34:47.280
and like I ordered a $60 steak I mean if I'm ordering a you know $20 meal it's it's fine

1454
01:34:47.280 --> 01:34:52.960
all right so I would encourage you like don't hold back like it's okay and again you said

1455
01:34:53.680 --> 01:34:57.920
oh do you mind if I get something and he's like oh no and even when you offered to pay like

1456
01:34:57.920 --> 01:34:59.920
that's fine offer to pay but you still have

1457
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:02.240
But he's like, no, no, that's fine.

1458
01:35:02.240 --> 01:35:05.880
Order it as whatever you want, 100%.

1459
01:35:05.880 --> 01:35:08.880
Because again, you can't sit here and think he's cheap

1460
01:35:09.920 --> 01:35:12.380
because he did say, order whatever you want.

1461
01:35:12.380 --> 01:35:13.220
Yeah.

1462
01:35:13.220 --> 01:35:15.960
Okay, so I will challenge you with that.

1463
01:35:15.960 --> 01:35:20.440
But I would even say, as far as him traveling to see you,

1464
01:35:20.440 --> 01:35:22.080
just put that out there.

1465
01:35:22.080 --> 01:35:26.680
Say, hey, do you think this next time

1466
01:35:26.680 --> 01:35:28.520
we can come somewhere down this area,

1467
01:35:28.520 --> 01:35:31.840
maybe offer a place or two that you'd wanna go visit

1468
01:35:31.840 --> 01:35:34.720
or check out and say, hey, there's this place near me

1469
01:35:34.720 --> 01:35:37.960
called this and there's this place and this place near me.

1470
01:35:37.960 --> 01:35:40.880
Maybe we should get together and do that sometime

1471
01:35:40.880 --> 01:35:44.000
and see if he takes, if he initiates.

1472
01:35:44.000 --> 01:35:45.060
Like, yeah, that would be great.

1473
01:35:45.060 --> 01:35:46.840
And then see if he does it.

1474
01:35:46.840 --> 01:35:49.300
But again, if you throw that stuff out there

1475
01:35:49.300 --> 01:35:51.000
and then they're kind of like,

1476
01:35:51.000 --> 01:35:52.960
he's not wanting to inconvenience himself,

1477
01:35:52.960 --> 01:35:54.580
that's when you see that yellow flag

1478
01:35:54.580 --> 01:35:58.080
is kind of turning orange because he's not making the effort

1479
01:35:59.000 --> 01:36:00.480
but again, put it out there.

1480
01:36:00.480 --> 01:36:02.200
It's all about, sometimes it's about

1481
01:36:02.200 --> 01:36:03.720
just the communication.

1482
01:36:04.760 --> 01:36:05.900
Does that help?

1483
01:36:05.900 --> 01:36:06.740
Yeah, it does.

1484
01:36:06.740 --> 01:36:07.920
And I just wanna encourage the other ladies.

1485
01:36:07.920 --> 01:36:11.760
I had not been on a date in years

1486
01:36:11.760 --> 01:36:15.480
and I don't think I'd been anything like above a coffee date

1487
01:36:15.480 --> 01:36:18.420
probably since my 20s and I'm in my early 40s now.

1488
01:36:18.420 --> 01:36:19.720
So I just wanna encourage you guys,

1489
01:36:19.720 --> 01:36:22.240
it's not as scary as you think it's gonna be.

1490
01:36:22.240 --> 01:36:23.080
You know what I mean?

1491
01:36:23.080 --> 01:36:25.520
Like, I think Jackie and phase one really prepared me

1492
01:36:25.520 --> 01:36:27.840
and the coaching here, but I mean, I was terrified

1493
01:36:28.600 --> 01:36:29.980
and I just kind of jumped in and did it.

1494
01:36:29.980 --> 01:36:31.760
And so-

1495
01:36:31.760 --> 01:36:32.600
Ripping the bandaid off.

1496
01:36:32.600 --> 01:36:35.240
Yeah, just rip the bandaid off and just go on a date.

1497
01:36:35.240 --> 01:36:36.080
And I didn't read too much.

1498
01:36:36.080 --> 01:36:38.080
I remembered her low stakes, you know,

1499
01:36:38.080 --> 01:36:39.460
like I'm not getting married.

1500
01:36:39.460 --> 01:36:42.080
I'm literally gonna go meet someone and that's it.

1501
01:36:42.080 --> 01:36:43.400
You're just getting to know somebody

1502
01:36:43.400 --> 01:36:45.120
and saying, do you have some same interests?

1503
01:36:45.120 --> 01:36:46.320
Do you enjoy being around them?

1504
01:36:46.320 --> 01:36:47.680
Are they fun to be around?

1505
01:36:48.720 --> 01:36:50.520
Do you feel good when you're around them?

1506
01:36:50.520 --> 01:36:51.360
Is it fun?

1507
01:36:51.360 --> 01:36:52.680
Is it enjoyable?

1508
01:36:52.680 --> 01:36:53.560
Like, that's all that is.

1509
01:36:53.560 --> 01:36:55.340
I mean, same thing with your girlfriends.

1510
01:36:55.340 --> 01:36:56.180
Right.

1511
01:36:56.180 --> 01:36:57.020
A lot of us have girlfriends

1512
01:36:57.020 --> 01:37:00.060
that we don't enjoy being around, right?

1513
01:37:00.060 --> 01:37:02.860
At some point, we weren't friends with our girlfriends

1514
01:37:02.860 --> 01:37:04.580
and something like, hey,

1515
01:37:04.580 --> 01:37:06.820
I think this person would be fun to hang out with.

1516
01:37:06.820 --> 01:37:08.660
It's no different with guys.

1517
01:37:08.660 --> 01:37:10.420
It really isn't.

1518
01:37:10.420 --> 01:37:15.420
It's just low stakes, no pressure, 100%.

1519
01:37:15.740 --> 01:37:16.580
Awesome, Blair.

1520
01:37:16.580 --> 01:37:18.780
Thank you so much for hopping on and sharing

1521
01:37:18.780 --> 01:37:19.900
and asking questions.

1522
01:37:19.900 --> 01:37:20.820
I love it.

1523
01:37:20.820 --> 01:37:22.940
Mackenzie, I'm gonna take your question.

1524
01:37:22.940 --> 01:37:24.580
And I think there's just a few of us left.

1525
01:37:24.580 --> 01:37:27.380
So, I'll take your question, then we'll move along.

1526
01:37:27.380 --> 01:37:28.460
And you ladies enjoy your-

1527
01:37:28.460 --> 01:37:31.740
Sorry, I wasn't sure if we had enough time, but-

1528
01:37:31.740 --> 01:37:32.580
Oh, for sure.

1529
01:37:33.620 --> 01:37:35.900
So I, okay, I have two questions.

1530
01:37:35.900 --> 01:37:39.540
First question is, I have been kind of talking to this guy

1531
01:37:39.540 --> 01:37:43.540
like very sporadically, not like full all in, you know?

1532
01:37:43.540 --> 01:37:47.060
And I am not, I don't think it's a thing.

1533
01:37:47.060 --> 01:37:49.340
There's lots of things, but I just, it's not.

1534
01:37:49.340 --> 01:37:53.100
So, but I don't, I'm very tempted to just ghost him

1535
01:37:53.100 --> 01:37:55.060
because it hasn't been like serious conversation

1536
01:37:55.060 --> 01:37:56.140
or anything like that.

1537
01:37:56.140 --> 01:37:59.100
But I also don't want to do that because, you know,

1538
01:37:59.100 --> 01:38:00.220
so I don't know what to say.

1539
01:38:00.220 --> 01:38:02.340
Cause I don't know, I don't necessarily know

1540
01:38:02.340 --> 01:38:04.860
if we've had enough conversation for me to be like,

1541
01:38:04.860 --> 01:38:08.020
hey, I don't, I'm not feeling it, you know?

1542
01:38:08.020 --> 01:38:09.620
Have you met him in person?

1543
01:38:09.620 --> 01:38:11.180
No.

1544
01:38:11.180 --> 01:38:12.860
Have you done a video call?

1545
01:38:12.860 --> 01:38:14.220
Negative.

1546
01:38:14.220 --> 01:38:16.660
What about him is like, this is a no?

1547
01:38:17.660 --> 01:38:22.660
Well, I didn't, I didn't actually mean to say yes to match.

1548
01:38:25.660 --> 01:38:30.460
But so, and he, and he, he like does it.

1549
01:38:30.460 --> 01:38:32.420
Cause I was like, it was when I was first on there.

1550
01:38:32.420 --> 01:38:34.300
And so, and he loves the Lord

1551
01:38:34.300 --> 01:38:38.180
and he does know someone I know like in my area.

1552
01:38:38.180 --> 01:38:40.220
And so I was like, okay, sure.

1553
01:38:40.220 --> 01:38:42.340
But I just, I don't know.

1554
01:38:42.340 --> 01:38:44.900
Okay. Tell me what, where's the reluctance though?

1555
01:38:46.780 --> 01:38:51.780
Um, I, I, he's just not the most attractive human being

1556
01:38:53.540 --> 01:38:54.620
at all.

1557
01:38:54.620 --> 01:38:55.740
Yeah. I get it.

1558
01:38:55.740 --> 01:38:56.580
Yeah.

1559
01:38:56.580 --> 01:38:57.780
And I know you're not going to want to hear this,

1560
01:38:57.780 --> 01:39:01.780
but you know, I will tell you, okay.

1561
01:39:01.780 --> 01:39:03.500
I've witnessed this.

1562
01:39:03.500 --> 01:39:04.380
Okay.

1563
01:39:04.380 --> 01:39:06.100
There's a lot of women in this community

1564
01:39:06.100 --> 01:39:10.140
that they were not attracted to their husbands at first.

1565
01:39:10.140 --> 01:39:11.820
And they were like, but he's really nice.

1566
01:39:11.820 --> 01:39:12.740
And he loves the Lord.

1567
01:39:12.740 --> 01:39:15.660
And they just, they just went out on a date again.

1568
01:39:15.660 --> 01:39:19.020
I would encourage you to get a live date.

1569
01:39:19.020 --> 01:39:21.340
Just enjoy him as a person.

1570
01:39:21.340 --> 01:39:24.300
Put your, put your dating, dating skills to practice.

1571
01:39:24.300 --> 01:39:25.140
Get all dog.

1572
01:39:25.140 --> 01:39:25.980
Cause here's the thing.

1573
01:39:25.980 --> 01:39:27.140
I will tell you this.

1574
01:39:27.140 --> 01:39:29.700
You're not physically attracted to him at first.

1575
01:39:29.700 --> 01:39:30.820
You're going to go in there.

1576
01:39:30.820 --> 01:39:32.300
Like, no worries.

1577
01:39:32.300 --> 01:39:36.260
It's not going to be so test it out.

1578
01:39:36.260 --> 01:39:38.380
I would encourage you just go out on a date.

1579
01:39:38.380 --> 01:39:39.220
And here's the thing.

1580
01:39:39.220 --> 01:39:40.540
You're not stringing them along.

1581
01:39:40.540 --> 01:39:41.380
You're not doing that.

1582
01:39:41.380 --> 01:39:42.220
Cause here's the thing.

1583
01:39:42.220 --> 01:39:45.180
We're not, we're not making commitments.

1584
01:39:46.140 --> 01:39:50.540
Getting to know someone for who they are.

1585
01:39:50.540 --> 01:39:52.300
Doesn't have to be a love connection.

1586
01:39:52.300 --> 01:39:53.420
Truth be told,

1587
01:39:53.420 --> 01:39:55.940
Jackie had to kick me out of the nest to get me dating.

1588
01:39:55.940 --> 01:39:57.220
And she, she introduced me.

1589
01:39:57.220 --> 01:39:59.660
So she's like, this is not a love connection,

1590
01:39:59.660 --> 01:40:00.500
but you.

1591
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:04.680
need to go on a date. She put me together with someone that she's

1592
01:40:04.680 --> 01:40:09.240
like, this is not a love connection. But you need to date

1593
01:40:09.280 --> 01:40:14.600
and I was like, right. But I but again, I remind you that there

1594
01:40:14.600 --> 01:40:16.680
was a lot of women in this community that didn't find the

1595
01:40:16.680 --> 01:40:20.640
husband's attractive secret. I didn't think my husband was very

1596
01:40:20.640 --> 01:40:25.080
attractive. Like I've shared this before. I kind of joke with

1597
01:40:25.080 --> 01:40:28.000
them. I'm like, yeah, he's a decent looking guy. He was

1598
01:40:28.000 --> 01:40:31.520
shorter. Like I was like the tall guy. So all those when we

1599
01:40:31.520 --> 01:40:35.040
sit there say don't don't don't put height as a requirement. Like

1600
01:40:35.040 --> 01:40:37.160
I was the girl that was like, you need to be at least six

1601
01:40:37.160 --> 01:40:42.040
foot. I'm five three y'all like I don't really need. But okay.

1602
01:40:43.400 --> 01:40:46.640
My husband's like five nine. All right. He's taller than me. But

1603
01:40:46.640 --> 01:40:50.280
I'm like, he's short. You know, he's got a dad bod. Right? I saw

1604
01:40:50.280 --> 01:40:54.880
that in these pictures. I mean, he's handsome face, all that

1605
01:40:54.880 --> 01:40:58.320
kind of stuff. But I wasn't physically attracted to him in

1606
01:40:58.320 --> 01:41:03.800
these pictures. But I will tell you right like, now I mean, I

1607
01:41:03.800 --> 01:41:10.120
just, I love him. Like, I Yeah, he's, he's my eye candy for

1608
01:41:10.120 --> 01:41:14.000
sure. All right. There's other things that even draw me into

1609
01:41:14.000 --> 01:41:17.480
him. So I get it. Like some guys are just not like you're like,

1610
01:41:18.800 --> 01:41:22.960
just Yeah, going at low stakes. You have at this point, nothing

1611
01:41:22.960 --> 01:41:25.720
to really stress about it's not going to be you're not gonna be

1612
01:41:25.720 --> 01:41:29.840
nervous. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You're like, okay, you know,

1613
01:41:29.840 --> 01:41:32.840
just practice your dating skills. And here's the thing

1614
01:41:32.880 --> 01:41:36.200
after you get to know him if you after like a date or two and

1615
01:41:36.200 --> 01:41:41.680
really getting to know him. You can even express like, hey, um,

1616
01:41:41.800 --> 01:41:46.520
and again, you won't ghost him. They look I, I've really enjoyed

1617
01:41:46.520 --> 01:41:49.640
getting to know you. Thank you so much for spending time. I

1618
01:41:49.640 --> 01:41:54.600
don't see this going further to the room like being romantic or

1619
01:41:54.600 --> 01:41:59.960
romantic. But I really did enjoy our time together. And I want to

1620
01:41:59.960 --> 01:42:03.000
throw this out there. I'm part of this really awesome community

1621
01:42:03.000 --> 01:42:08.360
of Christian men and women. Um, there's a lot of a lot of ladies

1622
01:42:08.360 --> 01:42:12.280
looking for a man that's like you, would you be interested in

1623
01:42:12.280 --> 01:42:15.760
checking it out? Yeah, if you find that he loves the Lord,

1624
01:42:15.760 --> 01:42:19.200
he's a good night, good guy, and he's respectful. And, you

1625
01:42:19.200 --> 01:42:23.040
know, he can hold a conversation, whatever. If he's

1626
01:42:23.040 --> 01:42:26.200
just, you're like, he might not be for you. But maybe he's for

1627
01:42:26.200 --> 01:42:30.400
one of your sisters here in the community. Okay, so let's not ask

1628
01:42:30.400 --> 01:42:37.320
them right away. Good to know. And then Oh, okay. Right. And

1629
01:42:37.320 --> 01:42:40.160
then we have another question. And then I'll move on to Teresa.

1630
01:42:40.560 --> 01:42:44.240
Yeah, that kind of leads it into it. Because I am I'm learning I

1631
01:42:44.240 --> 01:42:47.720
did a lot of dating apps before. And then I stopped because I was

1632
01:42:47.720 --> 01:42:51.560
like, this is terrible. Just being honest. I that's how I

1633
01:42:51.560 --> 01:42:53.920
felt. And so then I stopped, I had to come out of agreement

1634
01:42:53.920 --> 01:42:56.680
with the vow that I wasn't gonna ever do dating apps again.

1635
01:42:56.760 --> 01:43:00.080
Yeah, we all we all I think I think all of us at some point

1636
01:43:00.080 --> 01:43:01.600
were like, we can't stand these dating apps.

1637
01:43:01.720 --> 01:43:08.040
I was like, this is not it. But I'm learning to get so but a lot

1638
01:43:08.040 --> 01:43:10.680
of the things that I've learned so far and continuing to learn

1639
01:43:10.680 --> 01:43:13.280
it has changed my perspective. I'm like, okay, I got to do

1640
01:43:13.280 --> 01:43:18.760
dating apps differently. Right. So, um, with that, I'm trying to

1641
01:43:18.760 --> 01:43:22.400
switch my perspective. And I just love to like, kind of get

1642
01:43:22.400 --> 01:43:25.960
your perspective, because I am the one, one of the people who I

1643
01:43:25.960 --> 01:43:29.000
see person I'm like, if I can't see myself marrying them that I

1644
01:43:29.000 --> 01:43:32.960
don't, I'm like, very choosy in that respect. But I'm trying to

1645
01:43:33.000 --> 01:43:38.080
untrain my brain. And so I would love your input of how to do it.

1646
01:43:38.080 --> 01:43:41.600
Because I am talking like, just randomly started talking last

1647
01:43:41.600 --> 01:43:47.160
night to two other guys. And I'm like, okay, but why not? And so

1648
01:43:47.200 --> 01:43:50.480
but it's hard for me in my mind to be like, okay, I don't really

1649
01:43:50.480 --> 01:43:54.360
see myself marrying you. But I also know what you said is true.

1650
01:43:54.360 --> 01:43:58.960
So I'm just trying to figure out how to to do that. Well, let's

1651
01:43:58.960 --> 01:44:01.440
definitely come out of the agreement and the partnership of

1652
01:44:01.440 --> 01:44:04.760
that this is to be hard. Yeah, right. It's hard to do this.

1653
01:44:04.760 --> 01:44:09.120
Well, it doesn't have to be. Okay. And so yeah, I would just

1654
01:44:09.120 --> 01:44:17.640
say, you know, go just go out. Go do it. Right. And and I think

1655
01:44:17.640 --> 01:44:21.840
maybe it sounds like this may be one of those things that God's

1656
01:44:21.840 --> 01:44:26.360
giving you these opportunities to stretch you to take you out

1657
01:44:26.360 --> 01:44:29.560
of that comfort zone of how you used to do things to do things a

1658
01:44:29.560 --> 01:44:35.000
little bit. Yeah, that kind of happened to me as well. I always

1659
01:44:35.000 --> 01:44:38.040
was very physically like I needed to be physically

1660
01:44:38.040 --> 01:44:41.680
attracted to somebody if I wanted to date them. And if

1661
01:44:41.680 --> 01:44:44.200
they didn't look a certain way, I didn't really want to date

1662
01:44:44.200 --> 01:44:48.720
them. Yeah, I'd removed that from me. To the point that

1663
01:44:48.720 --> 01:44:53.240
ladies like when I would swipe on guys like I didn't have I was

1664
01:44:53.240 --> 01:44:57.280
indifferent with how they looked. It was really weird. And

1665
01:44:57.280 --> 01:44:59.960
I dated this one guy was one of the very few guys that

1666
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.520
went on multiple dates with because most of the guys I went on date with it would just be one

1667
01:45:03.520 --> 01:45:10.400
date and then they weren't interested or things just kind of fizzled out there was one guy that

1668
01:45:10.400 --> 01:45:14.480
if I was showing his picture to other women they're like oh he's a really attractive looking

1669
01:45:14.480 --> 01:45:19.600
man and quite frankly I didn't think he was unattractive I also didn't think he was attractive

1670
01:45:19.600 --> 01:45:28.400
I was just really like God showed me he was allowing me to find attractiveness in their

1671
01:45:28.400 --> 01:45:35.360
character and not their looks and so that was a challenge for me because I had my old way of

1672
01:45:35.360 --> 01:45:42.080
dating was the looks but God's like no we're gonna we're gonna go over here you're gonna find

1673
01:45:42.080 --> 01:45:49.200
attractiveness in other ways are you attracted to them in like their spiritual walk or their

1674
01:45:49.200 --> 01:45:55.200
emotional or their acts that they do like their acts of service like what other things that I

1675
01:45:55.200 --> 01:46:02.240
find attractive about a person I love I love men that could hold a conversation with me it could

1676
01:46:02.240 --> 01:46:07.120
banter back and forth with me I found that so attractive it was one of the things that I just

1677
01:46:07.120 --> 01:46:14.400
loved about my husband is that our conversation flowed on our first date you know same thing his

1678
01:46:14.400 --> 01:46:21.120
his I found it really attractive that he was willing to honor and protect my boundaries

1679
01:46:21.920 --> 01:46:26.640
he was so respectful of that I told him he asked me to kiss me on the first date and I was like no

1680
01:46:27.440 --> 01:46:33.440
I was I was all about the kiss and ladies I mean I was I loved going out on dates because I was

1681
01:46:33.440 --> 01:46:39.920
like yeah I'm gonna make out with somebody tonight you know that was before it was before you know

1682
01:46:39.920 --> 01:46:47.440
this community but then I was like no I need to I need to do it differently and so I did I told him

1683
01:46:47.440 --> 01:46:55.920
no and ladies that man respected my boundaries like respected before and when he did that I was

1684
01:46:55.920 --> 01:47:08.080
like like that's hot yeah I like I will say I I do think there's something to when God kind of shows

1685
01:47:08.080 --> 01:47:13.440
us and like is stretching us a little bit there's probably a process and a learning and a growing

1686
01:47:13.440 --> 01:47:20.080
there that ladies I will tell you this much God is not gonna have a husband for you that you're not

1687
01:47:20.080 --> 01:47:29.840
gonna find attractive just very valid yeah yeah ladies God loves you all very much like he's got

1688
01:47:29.840 --> 01:47:35.440
good gifts for his kids all right so he's not going to literally put you as someone that you

1689
01:47:35.440 --> 01:47:42.160
like are disgusted by yeah gonna find the attractiveness in there because the truth

1690
01:47:42.160 --> 01:47:53.440
is is there's so much more like inner heart stuff that like will span over time yeah I don't know

1691
01:47:53.440 --> 01:48:02.080
about y'all but I mean I'm I'm 41 and you know I don't look the way I did when I was 20 all right

1692
01:48:02.800 --> 01:48:10.000
I can imagine when we have grandkids I'm not gonna look the same and neither is my husband

1693
01:48:10.720 --> 01:48:16.400
all right it's not just about the physical intimacy it's so much more it's the spiritual

1694
01:48:16.400 --> 01:48:22.080
it's the emotional it's the it's that it's that connection there's and that's again why we kind

1695
01:48:22.080 --> 01:48:29.440
of coach you ladies not to get into the romantic physical in level level two and level three and

1696
01:48:29.440 --> 01:48:36.400
no sex before marriage because the the intimacy that's required is so much more than physical

1697
01:48:36.400 --> 01:48:45.680
intimacy for sure yeah and so I would say just go for it you know have fun enjoy it

1698
01:48:46.960 --> 01:48:51.360
um yeah and I think I think that there's I appreciate all of the the things that I

1699
01:48:51.360 --> 01:48:55.360
it's a weird thing for me because it's not always the physical but it's like oh if there's something

1700
01:48:55.360 --> 01:49:00.240
in their profile that I'm like oh that's a hard pass for me you know so but it's a very interesting

1701
01:49:00.240 --> 01:49:05.440
thing because I very much am like uh is this right you know but yeah I'm trying to figure out that

1702
01:49:05.440 --> 01:49:10.800
and bring that to our community like you know screenshot and say hey here's this guy's profile

1703
01:49:10.800 --> 01:49:16.080
these are things I like this is what I'm not not so into can you help me out with this yeah that's

1704
01:49:16.080 --> 01:49:24.320
good I would rather you ladies come with like all the post then sit there in silence and and try to

1705
01:49:24.320 --> 01:49:30.960
navigate this all by itself so come appreciate that and share it I mean no matter how little

1706
01:49:30.960 --> 01:49:36.720
you think it is if you need some direction we got you okay thank you appreciate that

1707
01:49:36.720 --> 01:49:40.160
you're welcome Teresa it's so good to see you how are you

1708
01:49:43.360 --> 01:49:51.360
y'all ready for Thanksgiving uh I'm in Canada so I already did my thing yeah I have some Canadian

1709
01:49:51.360 --> 01:49:55.120
friends they always did um Canada Thanksgiving I was like oh that's totally not the same time

1710
01:49:55.120 --> 01:49:59.840
that we do ours years and years it's like

1711
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:01.000
Oh, yeah.

1712
01:50:01.000 --> 01:50:05.000
Programs were just late.

1713
01:50:05.000 --> 01:50:08.000
And Boxing Day is a thing for y'all too, right?

1714
01:50:08.000 --> 01:50:09.000
Yeah.

1715
01:50:09.000 --> 01:50:10.000
Yeah.

1716
01:50:10.000 --> 01:50:11.000
Not for me so much.

1717
01:50:11.000 --> 01:50:12.000
I don't really care that much.

1718
01:50:12.000 --> 01:50:17.000
And there was a guy that was in our program, and we chatted for a bit before I met my husband,

1719
01:50:17.000 --> 01:50:19.000
and he would always bring up, like, he talks about that.

1720
01:50:19.000 --> 01:50:21.000
And I'm like, what is that?

1721
01:50:21.000 --> 01:50:22.000
We never had Friday.

1722
01:50:22.000 --> 01:50:25.000
Celebrate that.

1723
01:50:25.000 --> 01:50:31.000
He's only been here for, I don't know, six years or something like that.

1724
01:50:31.000 --> 01:50:38.000
Anything shopping, I guess we take on too.

1725
01:50:38.000 --> 01:50:41.000
So anyways, I did do my profile online.

1726
01:50:41.000 --> 01:50:44.000
Yay!

1727
01:50:44.000 --> 01:50:47.000
I've been much more positive about the whole dating thing.

1728
01:50:47.000 --> 01:50:49.000
I'm doing better.

1729
01:50:49.000 --> 01:50:50.000
It's a process.

1730
01:50:50.000 --> 01:50:52.000
We don't have to compare.

1731
01:50:52.000 --> 01:50:54.000
I'm doing better.

1732
01:50:54.000 --> 01:51:02.000
So there is one guy I've been talking to that's been flowing, and we've had a phone call so far.

1733
01:51:02.000 --> 01:51:06.000
We're talking about a video chat.

1734
01:51:06.000 --> 01:51:11.000
He's not dating yet because he's a recent widow.

1735
01:51:11.000 --> 01:51:14.000
So it's only a couple months.

1736
01:51:14.000 --> 01:51:16.000
He's far away.

1737
01:51:16.000 --> 01:51:24.000
And it was funny because I had set my dating app parameters to be, like, within an hour and a half, and he's where I used to live.

1738
01:51:24.000 --> 01:51:30.000
So that's why he messaged me in the first place is we grew up together apparently.

1739
01:51:30.000 --> 01:51:32.000
It was great.

1740
01:51:32.000 --> 01:51:39.000
So I felt comfortable giving him my phone number before I met him, right, which makes it a lot easier.

1741
01:51:39.000 --> 01:51:46.000
So that comes to my question is I've been, I narrowed it down to 10 that I could stand going talking to.

1742
01:51:46.000 --> 01:51:49.000
I get it.

1743
01:51:49.000 --> 01:51:51.000
I totally get it.

1744
01:51:51.000 --> 01:51:53.000
They're terrible with their pictures.

1745
01:51:53.000 --> 01:51:55.000
I mean, I have no idea what they look like.

1746
01:51:55.000 --> 01:51:57.000
They got these frowny face selfies.

1747
01:51:57.000 --> 01:51:58.000
Oh, my goodness.

1748
01:51:58.000 --> 01:52:00.000
Yeah, seriously.

1749
01:52:00.000 --> 01:52:01.000
Of course I got it.

1750
01:52:01.000 --> 01:52:05.000
I always tell you ladies, have grace for these men because they don't have a program like ours.

1751
01:52:05.000 --> 01:52:06.000
I don't even say this.

1752
01:52:06.000 --> 01:52:17.000
Like, some of you ladies post, I mean, I'm not saying any of you that are on it right now, but there's been some ladies in the past that I'm like, girl, why would you put that picture?

1753
01:52:17.000 --> 01:52:20.000
But again, like, I mean, that's what we're here for.

1754
01:52:20.000 --> 01:52:22.000
We're here to help you coach you through that.

1755
01:52:22.000 --> 01:52:29.000
He said he could practice flirting with me, and he said it'd be easy because you're five foot tall and smiley, so how hard could that be?

1756
01:52:29.000 --> 01:52:33.000
And I said, but you didn't smile in any of your pictures.

1757
01:52:33.000 --> 01:52:34.000
Girl, call him out.

1758
01:52:34.000 --> 01:52:35.000
Call him out.

1759
01:52:35.000 --> 01:52:37.000
Yes.

1760
01:52:37.000 --> 01:52:52.000
My actual question is that I was only able to get an app that went on my computer because my phone is old and it's not downloading any new apps.

1761
01:52:52.000 --> 01:52:53.000
Okay.

1762
01:52:53.000 --> 01:52:55.000
So I think I need to buy a new phone, which I don't want to do.

1763
01:52:55.000 --> 01:52:59.000
I like my phone, but, you know.

1764
01:52:59.000 --> 01:53:01.000
I'll have to upgrade you.

1765
01:53:01.000 --> 01:53:10.000
Yeah, it's probably going to be a couple weeks before that works, and I'm finding the computer really hard because I'm not on the computer that much.

1766
01:53:10.000 --> 01:53:18.000
And so then, you know, like it's sometimes days between when we said something and answered and blah, blah, blah.

1767
01:53:18.000 --> 01:53:20.000
Okay.

1768
01:53:20.000 --> 01:53:21.000
I don't know.

1769
01:53:21.000 --> 01:53:28.000
I mean, do I just drop it until I get an app on my phone, or do I tell the guys that I'm on my computer and this is why I'm.

1770
01:53:28.000 --> 01:53:30.000
No, I don't think you have to drop it.

1771
01:53:30.000 --> 01:53:36.000
I think, yeah, you can communicate like, hey, I'm in the process of getting a new phone, so I'm only on my computer ever so often.

1772
01:53:36.000 --> 01:53:47.000
So, yeah, I mean, as long as the communication is flowing and, you know, you might after a couple communication be like, hey, just FYI, I'm looking at getting a new phone.

1773
01:53:47.000 --> 01:53:51.000
I hope it's okay that I'm not responding, you know, as frequent.

1774
01:53:51.000 --> 01:53:54.000
And, you know, just go from there.

1775
01:53:54.000 --> 01:53:58.000
It sounds like you have a flow of, you know, somebody that you're talking to.

1776
01:53:58.000 --> 01:54:00.000
And you're just, you know, you're dipping your toe in.

1777
01:54:00.000 --> 01:54:02.000
I know it's, you know, and I think that's a good thing.

1778
01:54:02.000 --> 01:54:04.000
I think that's totally fine for you.

1779
01:54:04.000 --> 01:54:05.000
I think you can just.

1780
01:54:05.000 --> 01:54:07.000
Well, my friend called it a soft launch.

1781
01:54:07.000 --> 01:54:10.000
She said it's actually.

1782
01:54:10.000 --> 01:54:12.000
Yes.

1783
01:54:12.000 --> 01:54:13.000
That's good for you.

1784
01:54:13.000 --> 01:54:16.000
And I think it's, I think it's.

1785
01:54:16.000 --> 01:54:18.000
And we're both looking at other people, too.

1786
01:54:18.000 --> 01:54:19.000
I think that's divine.

1787
01:54:19.000 --> 01:54:20.000
I really do.

1788
01:54:20.000 --> 01:54:25.000
I think, you know, what a blessing you must be for this, this man.

1789
01:54:25.000 --> 01:54:30.000
I think there's a comfort in knowing that y'all, you know, he, you grew up in the town that he did.

1790
01:54:30.000 --> 01:54:33.000
You know, it sounds like it's probably pretty fresh.

1791
01:54:33.000 --> 01:54:36.000
And so it's, he probably needs the soft launch too.

1792
01:54:36.000 --> 01:54:38.000
And I bet you're a blessing.

1793
01:54:38.000 --> 01:54:43.000
And just a safe space and a soft space for him as well.

1794
01:54:43.000 --> 01:54:49.000
And again, we don't know if it's, it's, you know, a love connection for, you know, marriage.

1795
01:54:49.000 --> 01:54:53.000
But I think, again, it's, you're learning something through this.

1796
01:54:53.000 --> 01:54:54.000
I think you're growing.

1797
01:54:54.000 --> 01:54:58.000
I think, you know, you, you, you know, soft launched yourself.

1798
01:54:58.000 --> 01:55:00.000
And I think it's gentle.

1799
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:01.040
That's the word I'm looking for.

1800
01:55:01.040 --> 01:55:04.760
It sounds like it's just gentle and it's exactly what you need.

1801
01:55:06.040 --> 01:55:09.480
What's that really sweet for somebody who says he's not dating.

1802
01:55:09.480 --> 01:55:11.360
He's he's been very sweet.

1803
01:55:12.480 --> 01:55:12.800
No.

1804
01:55:12.800 --> 01:55:13.320
And that's the thing.

1805
01:55:13.320 --> 01:55:18.840
I mean, I, my husband was widowed too, you know, and he was, I mean, I was surprised.

1806
01:55:18.840 --> 01:55:19.560
I was like, wow.

1807
01:55:19.560 --> 01:55:26.360
Like, but there's really quick that's sometimes I was like, what's going on?

1808
01:55:26.360 --> 01:55:32.960
But I will say there's been, it's, it's been refreshing because I've never been

1809
01:55:32.960 --> 01:55:36.680
married and I'm, you know, I was 40 when we got married and when we got engaged,

1810
01:55:36.680 --> 01:55:39.120
I was my 40th birthday and I'd never been married.

1811
01:55:39.760 --> 01:55:44.400
There's times it's been pleasant because he's experienced marriage.

1812
01:55:45.000 --> 01:55:49.520
He knows the sacrifice that it is, or sometimes I'm the selfish one in the

1813
01:55:49.520 --> 01:55:53.120
marriage because I have no experience yet.

1814
01:55:53.120 --> 01:56:00.800
He has, he had to, you know, he's had to, you know, he took those vows seriously.

1815
01:56:00.800 --> 01:56:01.920
Like till death do you part.

1816
01:56:01.920 --> 01:56:06.040
I mean, his wife had cancer and died from cancer.

1817
01:56:06.080 --> 01:56:10.680
I mean, he had to take care in sickness and in health and even in all of their

1818
01:56:10.680 --> 01:56:13.600
yuck that, you know, it was, it was a toxic marriage.

1819
01:56:13.600 --> 01:56:15.760
I'm not, you know, painting it up, you know, I'm not going to sit here and

1820
01:56:15.760 --> 01:56:16.600
try to paint it a picture.

1821
01:56:16.600 --> 01:56:22.640
It was great for him, but even in the toxicity, like he sacrificed

1822
01:56:22.640 --> 01:56:25.720
himself and he served her.

1823
01:56:26.920 --> 01:56:30.400
And I'm like, I'm so thankful to that because there's times it's hard for me.

1824
01:56:30.720 --> 01:56:33.200
So there is like, sometimes it's just nice.

1825
01:56:33.320 --> 01:56:38.560
Like, you know, there's just a softness of being able to kind of have someone

1826
01:56:39.000 --> 01:56:41.840
and, you know, just share in the experience.

1827
01:56:41.840 --> 01:56:46.320
And again, maybe it's just a friendship that's forming or maybe, you know,

1828
01:56:46.360 --> 01:56:50.000
with time we don't know, but I think this is good for you.

1829
01:56:50.000 --> 01:56:51.080
I'm excited.

1830
01:56:51.520 --> 01:56:56.360
I think to your question, still continue to get to know people.

1831
01:56:56.640 --> 01:56:59.760
Sounds like you're working on getting that phone.

1832
01:56:59.760 --> 01:57:02.600
So once you do, then we can get you on, on the phone.

1833
01:57:02.600 --> 01:57:05.120
And, but I think this is a good pacing.

1834
01:57:05.200 --> 01:57:09.040
I think it's been good for you with the steady pace of just

1835
01:57:09.040 --> 01:57:11.120
slowly getting yourself out there.

1836
01:57:11.360 --> 01:57:13.160
I think this is just that process.

1837
01:57:13.200 --> 01:57:16.600
So, you know, you got on the apps on your, on your computer, we're

1838
01:57:16.600 --> 01:57:19.160
going to get you on the phone and it's just going to, it's, we're

1839
01:57:19.160 --> 01:57:20.680
going to have a smooth transition.

1840
01:57:21.320 --> 01:57:21.960
All right.

1841
01:57:24.000 --> 01:57:26.680
But I'm so happy for you.

1842
01:57:26.680 --> 01:57:27.600
I love this.

1843
01:57:29.480 --> 01:57:34.080
I'm going to be sad when you move to phase three, some of you ladies,

1844
01:57:34.080 --> 01:57:35.840
like, I love seeing y'all's faces.

1845
01:57:35.840 --> 01:57:39.080
And I always know, like I always tell Bethany and Jackie and then I'm like,

1846
01:57:39.960 --> 01:57:44.280
I love being a coach in phase two and helping you ladies through your dating.

1847
01:57:44.280 --> 01:57:50.040
I said, but sometimes it's really hard for me because I feel like I get

1848
01:57:50.160 --> 01:57:52.120
like connections with you ladies.

1849
01:57:52.120 --> 01:57:54.680
And then all of a sudden, then you disappear on me.

1850
01:57:56.040 --> 01:57:58.800
I am, I do see things in phase three.

1851
01:57:59.120 --> 01:58:02.960
So just so you know, I still like, I see posts, I see all those things

1852
01:58:02.960 --> 01:58:07.400
and, and I jump in and do the replays and sometimes come to the live

1853
01:58:07.400 --> 01:58:14.560
phase, phase three sessions, but just not the same, but it's always, it's

1854
01:58:14.560 --> 01:58:19.120
always a pleasure getting to know you ladies and like I said, I'll miss

1855
01:58:19.200 --> 01:58:22.320
y'all when you hit to phase three, but by then I get new ladies and it's

1856
01:58:22.320 --> 01:58:24.280
just, you know, it's just the circle.

1857
01:58:24.480 --> 01:58:25.200
Oh, it's good.

1858
01:58:26.240 --> 01:58:26.720
All right.

1859
01:58:26.760 --> 01:58:32.120
Well, we are at the two hour mark, so it's been a pleasure.

1860
01:58:32.480 --> 01:58:35.240
We didn't get to everything I thought we were going to cover, but I think, you

1861
01:58:35.240 --> 01:58:42.040
know, God directed us with where we needed to be and, um, that's why, again,

1862
01:58:42.040 --> 01:58:44.960
I'm glad we did the activations at the beginning because sometimes I think we

1863
01:58:44.960 --> 01:58:48.600
miss those activations when I, when I, when we sit here and just have a lot

1864
01:58:48.600 --> 01:58:53.960
of conversation, but just be thinking about and praying about how to ignite

1865
01:58:53.960 --> 01:58:59.680
some of that joy in this season and the holiday season, maybe it, um, buying

1866
01:58:59.680 --> 01:59:04.600
a Christmas ornament for your tree to, to activate your faith for marriage.

1867
01:59:04.920 --> 01:59:07.920
Maybe it's buying a Christmas gift for your future husband.

1868
01:59:08.280 --> 01:59:15.960
Um, maybe blessing somebody, um, that you don't know, or, you know, getting

1869
01:59:15.960 --> 01:59:20.400
a bunch of singles together to have a good time, um, at this, at this season.

1870
01:59:20.400 --> 01:59:23.640
So, all right, ladies, thank you so much.

1871
01:59:23.680 --> 01:59:26.440
I appreciate all of you and I will see you next week.

1872
01:59:26.440 --> 01:59:28.920
Don't forget to jump on the live call tonight.

1873
01:59:28.920 --> 01:59:30.240
It's a dating game.

1874
01:59:30.720 --> 01:59:33.080
You can try to get a little sneak peek of what it's like for

1875
01:59:33.080 --> 01:59:34.600
those ladies in phase three.

1876
01:59:35.040 --> 01:59:35.720
Okay.

1877
01:59:36.640 --> 01:59:38.360
Have a great rest of your day.

1878
01:59:38.400 --> 01:59:40.120
I'll see you ladies next week.