Awesome. There we go. All right. So ladies, welcome to your phase two one o'clock live
check-in call. It is November 26. It's the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Hopefully everybody's
getting everything prepped and ready and ready for the holiday. As I said before, we do have
that special session tonight that y'all are going to get invited to. It's going to be
a dating game. So you're going to get a little preview of what it will be like when you ladies
are finished with your phase two content and you move over to phase three. So it's just
a little sneak peek, if you will. So make sure that if you are available tonight that
you get to do that. For those ladies that don't know me, I'm Carla Johnson. I'm one
of your phase two dating coaches here at last year's single. How many of you, I know there's
just four of you, and I remember Brittany from last week. Is there anybody that's new
to phase two? Yes, Jill. Welcome. So glad to have you. Maria, she is also new to phase
two. Ladies, it's so good to have you with us. So yeah, I'm Carla Johnson. I am a success
story from last year's single. When I joined, it was actually called Married in 12 Months
or Less, but it's still the same content. So we've just morphed it to now it's called
last year's single. So I've been in it for some time. I can tell you I did finally meet
my husband. It felt like it took forever. But I assure you, God has some of the best
love stories. And so I couldn't have written it myself. So as, as you spend time here in
phase two, and I'm sure and then to phase three, you'll probably get a little bit of
my success story at times. So just keep that in mind. We've all all of us coaches have
been there. We know what what you're going through. Some of our coaches are still single
and they're in it with you. Okay. I can give you the perspective of what it's like after
but I assure you, all the things that I'm coaching you on. I was coached to do the same
thing. And sometimes I was stubborn about it. So just understand if you're stubborn
with me, any of the coaches, I totally get it because I was that too. Alright, so just
a couple of housekeeping things. Just a friendly reminder, make sure that you show up in groups
so like you all are here with me live here in our sessions, that's always when you're
going to get the most bang for your buck. Alright, is coming to the session. This is
like that, that that time that you get to have some little extra one on one coaching
if you will. Okay, it's just in a smaller group. So that's the cool thing about phase
two is that we're a smaller group than the phase three. So when we come to these little
meetings, it's a little more quaint and more personable. Okay, so definitely make sure
that you're coming to these live calls if you can make it and showing up in our app
as well. So share with us what's happening. And all those posts can be anything with whether
you're dating or not. So maybe you're like me, and you took some time to jump into the
dating pool. Okay, it took me over a year being in this program before I really was
like, okay, let's go. And even then, Jackie was pushing me out of the nest to do it. But
even coming to us here, even if you're not dating, like what hard work things are happening?
What is God highlighting to you? What are you enjoying about the content? What maybe
is stretching you from the content? Whatever it is that you want to share with us, please,
please, please make sure that you come and let us know in the app. Okay, so create those posts.
And then if you have questions, us coaches are here to answer those questions. Okay.
Just a reminder, because we got a couple newbies on one training video a week. All right. I know
it's good stuff, and you want to just get it all in. But take your time with it. Okay, one video a
week, process it. And, and then share with us what you processed about that video. Because I get a
lot of ladies, I always see this at least a couple times a month, I get the question,
I'm done with my content in phase two, how do I get to phase three? And some of y'all pop in there
asking the question, and I haven't seen your face on a live, and I haven't seen a post created in
the app from you. I'm like, who is this new person? They're done with the content. I'm like,
I don't even know who they are. All right. I know last week, Bethany filled in for me. And I know
that she was talking with you ladies about the wallflower, how sometimes it's really easy that
we go through the hard work and sometimes pulling you out.
to come and get vulnerable in phase one,
it takes some time, and then you move to phase two
and you kind of go back to the,
I'm just gonna sit back and watch.
Ladies, we want you engaging.
That's where you're gonna get the most growth.
And I say this because I've done it, okay?
So know that I've been there.
I know sometimes it's hard to get vulnerable,
but I will tell you, when you get in marriage,
there's times of vulnerability.
All right?
So just, it's a preparation period.
It's your time to grow and prepare for what God has for you
in that next season, which we believe is marriage for you.
Okay?
Again, connect with your sisters and community.
I know that this was one of the activations
that Bethany had from last week.
So I'm curious, did anyone on here
happen to connect with any of your sisters
here in this community?
Anybody?
I know there was someone who made a post
about living in Northern California.
Was that any of you ladies?
Mackenzie?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I made it.
I haven't connected with the person yet,
but I'm gonna just reach out.
I'm just gonna give her my phone number on there.
I wasn't really sure how the best way to do that is,
because I know it says like, don't reach out to people.
So I wanted to, like, is it okay if I just put
my phone number and have her reach out to me, type thing?
Absolutely.
This is a safer community in phase two,
so that's totally fine.
I know Bethany was sharing even last week,
it is a little harder in our app now
because we can't make those direct messages.
Where if you're on Facebook, you could.
Just know that when you ladies move over to phase three,
you'll still have the app,
but then there's also an option
to have the Facebook group as well.
And it's a much bigger community.
But yeah, for right now, definitely connect
with the ladies that are here in phase two.
So if you wanna drop your number in there
and shoot a text.
I know Bethany even said, hey,
if God is just highlighting someone to you,
start praying for that person.
Maybe you haven't made that connection yet,
but if God is highlighting something to you,
let's start building that sisterhood.
I will tell you just from my own experience
being in this community,
I built so many friendships from here.
Many of them were invited to my wedding.
A couple of the ladies were bridesmaids of mine.
One of the women, she was my wedding planner.
Like it was just, I mean, it was crazy.
It was just really, really awesome.
I've been to so many weddings
from this community of friends and stuff.
So just, yeah, build that relationship.
So Mackenzie, I love that you just were bold
and you went for it.
I also will encourage you, like Mackenzie was sharing,
like she lives in Northern California and I live in Texas,
but my husband and I,
we spent our one year anniversary in Napa
and I just felt in love, in love with that region.
And so one thing that's really cool is
maybe you don't live in the same community
as some of your sisters,
but maybe if you like to travel like me,
travel and like meet people there.
I was living in Florida before I met my husband
and I was in this community.
I've been to Texas, I've been to Atlanta.
Some of the women that were living in North Carolina,
Virginia, a couple of Georgia, one Missouri, one Ohio,
they came to Florida and would visit me.
I would go out to lunch with them.
There was one, we had a whole girls weekend.
We had a girls weekend and it was over my birthday.
And so one came from Georgia, one came from Ohio,
one came from Missouri and we rented an Airbnb
and like had a weekend in Tampa.
And then Jackie and David last minute decided
they wanted in on the night too.
So they ended up coming and we had this like little meetup.
So it was really, really cool.
So even if someone doesn't live where you live,
maybe someone lives where you wanna go travel.
So be thinking of that too.
Like now y'all know McKinsey lives in North California.
So if you wanna go have a good time and you're like,
oh, in a few months I'm going there, connect with McKinsey.
Y'all could probably plan something meetup, all right?
So definitely, I love that some of you did that activation.
I'm curious, did anybody else do any
of the other activations this week?
I know I saw some photos of flowers.
I know Brittany, she had a beautiful bouquet
and her hair was just like gorgeous and her smile.
I mean, she was stunning, all right?
And I know there were a couple others.
I think someone had these beautiful, vibrant yellow,
I don't know if they were sunflowers or not.
I can't recall.
And they even had like a red,
I could see their red sleeve and the yellow.
It was pretty.
I was like, that's a great little color combo.
Did anybody else happen to?
If you did.
Go ahead and unmute, let us know what you did,
how did it, did it ignite anything in you?
Let us know what you experienced in doing that activation.
Anybody?
I know Brittany did, I know she did.
She said she went to, was it Anthropology?
Yeah, I went to Anthropology to just look around after work
and I was like, oh, maybe I'll just look at like
a couple of shirts and just kind of browse
because it was a tie is very expensive in that store.
I'm like, oh yeah, I don't wanna spend that kind of money.
So I like pulled a dress, like I just like, you know,
this is really out of my element,
I'm just gonna try on this dress.
And I went into the fitting room to try on the dress
and it was very pretty, not really my style,
it was more like a Western type feel,
but it was just really nice to be able to try on a dress,
something way out of what I would ever buy.
And the lady who works there was just very nice,
like they're mostly like nice people that work there.
And so we were just got in the chatting
and we talked about like the scarves and she's like,
oh yeah, we're having a Black Friday sale, you know,
like those scarves, she's like, yeah, they're expensive.
She's like, I always wait till they go on sale, you know?
And it was just really nice to be able to just connect
with someone that was really there.
And really just, you know, have a really nice conversation.
And it was just, it just really felt like feminine.
It had nothing to do with like anything else
outside of work, it was just like,
hey, I'm here as a customer, let's try on a dress.
Just enjoy your time.
Just enjoy, yeah, like I really enjoyed my time
and it was just really fun.
Good, I'm glad.
And then you're also putting into practice
talking with a stranger.
And ladies, when you all start dating,
you're talking with strangers.
It's no different than someone that's helping you out
at a clothing store.
So she was able to, Brittany was able
to strike up conversation.
And you know what, I would even encourage you
next time you do this, Brittany,
and you start having like good dialogue with someone,
especially when you're talking with another,
like another female, talk about being single, you know?
You never know.
I mean, you could tell her about this program.
Maybe you can, you know, have her join this community.
Maybe you connect that way.
Maybe you build a friendship.
And someone's like, hey, like you're really fun to talk to,
let's go grab coffee sometime.
And then who knows?
Maybe they have a connection to your husband.
You never know.
But again, it's just, it's about getting comfortable
of just having dialogue with someone that you don't know.
At the end of the day, that's what dating is.
And that's what I want you ladies
to kind of help that perspective.
Because I know, I'm just curious,
and I would think at least half of you
will raise your hand on this.
You go into a first date and you're like,
is he my husband?
You start fantasizing, right?
I know, I see some heads, I see some smiles, right?
Mackenzie's taking a cup of, a sip of her coffee,
and the guest is, because she's like,
yep, that's me, I'm gonna hide behind my coffee.
Totally, like I did that too, ladies, before this program.
Right?
And I will even say, even when I was in this program,
there were times I did that as well still, okay?
So even though we're giving you these tips and this advice
and this feedback, it's not a,
like you have to do things perfectly.
All right?
Okay, you might have some little feedback,
some little roadblocks, a little tripping, okay?
That's gonna happen, all right?
But when you don't share it with us,
and you hide from those things,
then we can't help you grow and coach you.
So that's why, again, it's important to make sure
that you're coming into community
and sharing with us what those things look like.
And there's no shame and there's no guilt with it.
All right?
So just keep that in mind, all right?
But I love that some of you ladies did that activation.
Couple more things before we move on.
And I pray, don't forget ladies to go into our app
and like just peruse it,
get familiar with where things are at, okay?
Like your trainings, your replays, the events.
I know a lot of people are like, I can't get to the call.
And it's like, just go to your events.
It's like, you can literally click on it.
Just make sure you're logged into Zoom
because sometimes there might be a hiccup,
but that meeting ID is right there for you as well.
I always copy and paste it and put it in my Zoom.
And then the password is there for you as well.
And then lastly, just make sure that when you are posting,
creating a post or.
If you're responding in the roll call
and a coach responds to you,
and you're gonna go back and respond to one of us coaches,
click the reply button under the coach.
Sometimes what happens,
and I can't remember if it was Melanie or Maria or McKenzie,
I can't remember who it was,
created a post and I responded,
and she replied, but she replied under her post.
So I didn't get the notification right away.
And it took me a while.
And then I was like, I had clicked on something
and saw that she had replied a couple of times.
I'm like, oh, I didn't even see that.
So just make sure that you click reply
and we'll get those notifications.
It just makes it a little easier.
I know sometimes it's a little tedious,
but if you can do your best, that's great.
Okay, well, I'm gonna pray us in,
but before I do, did anybody wanna,
like I know over the last couple of weeks,
we've given you that activation.
If you wanted to come to a coaching call
here at one o'clock or eight,
and you wanted some feedback about how you looked
and were presenting yourself
if you were doing like a Zoom day,
is there anybody, just raise your hand
or your avatar hand,
did anybody today come ready to get some feedback?
Because I will make space for that too.
I think everybody, we good?
Anytime you ladies wanna come to one of our live sessions
and you want some feedback about what you're presenting like
because we do encourage you ladies to jump on Zoom calls.
Okay, sometimes y'all are online dating,
they may not live fairly close to you
and you wanna kind of get a face-to-face Zoom call going,
you still wanna present, right?
You still wanna look nice, right?
We did this in my time in the program
when it was Married in 12 Months.
Jackie, literally, like we all came like ready.
Like we had all our lights and everything,
we had our hair and makeup done
and our backgrounds like ready
and she just gave us feedback, okay?
And then we ended up doing like a co-ed session
and the dudes didn't get the same coaching
because they showed up looking shaggy
with the baseball caps on,
moving the camera around everywhere.
And we're like, whoa, wait a second,
these guys didn't get the same coaching
but it was funny, it was a good learning experience.
So yeah, anytime that you wanna come to one of these calls
and if you're like, hey, Carla, Ebony,
can you give me some feedback?
Like, is this good?
Like, is there anything that I should do differently?
Then let us know, we would be happy to do that for you.
Okay, all right, how many ladies do I got on today?
Nine, that's good, all right.
Well, I'm gonna pray for us
and then I'm gonna go ahead and open the floor, all right?
All right, so Heavenly Father, I thank you.
Thank you for today, Lord.
I thank you for this time together.
I thank you for all the women
that are here with us currently
and will be watching and replay.
Lord, I just ask that your presence be felt.
Lord, I pray that you speak through us.
Lord, I pray for vulnerability
that as the women continue to get to know each other
and getting comfortable stepping out
and coming out of hiding,
that this is just a safe space
for the women to come share what they're experiencing
and that your love is felt
and your presence is experienced, Lord.
So Lord, just be with us today
and Lord, I just pray for joy and fun
and thank you so much in Jesus' name, amen.
Okay, so I'm gonna do things a little differently.
Usually, we kind of wait to the end
to give you some activations for the week,
but I really felt it was important for us
to maybe start off with some of the activations
that I want you ladies to be praying about this week, okay?
And I watched the call
that Bethany did with y'all last week.
I'm so thankful for Bethany.
My house has been plagued with the sickness, y'all.
And while I was feeling okay, my kid was not
and now it's like trickled down to my other kids.
It's been a headache.
So Bethany filled in for me
and then I was able to jump on the evening call
to meet some of y'all, so it was really, really good.
But I love some of the things that Bethany activated you in
and especially getting ready for the holidays.
I'm curious, okay?
Because I was where you were at like literally two years ago
so I haven't even, I just now celebrated two years
of like making connection with my husband, okay?
We've been married just a little over a year.
So, I remember this time, like two, three years ago, and I was close to hitting 40.
I had been single my whole life, never married, had a kid, and I remember what the holidays
would feel like.
So, I'm just curious, is there anybody here that struggles this time of year?
Jill, Mackenzie?
I know some of you are not on camera, but if you are like Jill and Mackenzie, Blair's
raised her hand, myself, and there sometimes is that struggle in that single season, and
we totally get it.
And I know that Bethany spoke a little bit about that last week, is our perspective and
taking things in a positive way.
But I'm curious, when we struggle during the holidays being single, can you just put in
the chat, what do you feel like your biggest struggle is?
Because I really want to speak to that a little bit, and I want us to start taking action
to kind of shift out of that mindset.
Is it that you feel overwhelmed?
Are you feeling lonely?
Is it a little combination of both?
Because for me, sometimes it was both.
There was a loneliness, feeling like I didn't have a significant other, I didn't have anyone
to share, I mean, I was a single mom, I didn't have anyone to share in the help me prep for
Christmas for my little one.
Another big thing that I struggled with was I did all this Christmas shopping for my little
boy, and I did the Santa thing with him, and I never had anyone giving gifts to me.
I did all these gifts for my son, and then like, you know, you have little kids, I mean,
my son is nine now, so right when I, he was seven when I met my husband, but when I joined
this community, my son was five years old, had just turned five years old.
So if y'all have been around little at Christmastime, you know, and they're opening presents, they're
like, well, Santa brought me something, but mommy, did he not bring you anything?
Mom, were you not good?
Were you on the naughty list, mom?
And that used to break my heart, like, I didn't have anybody to go buy gifts for mom,
and I, like, God blessed me in ways that, you know, I would share that with some friends,
and some friends, like, didn't even know it, but they would surprise me and go take my
son shopping to go get me something nice, but it still never felt the same.
It wasn't like having a husband, you know, a father figure for my son to kind of share
in that.
So it was something that I struggled with.
And then just being overwhelmed.
I was a mom, I was a single mom, and I was just constantly overwhelmed with all the things
that needed to get done.
And I would just get, I'd just be exhausted.
I wasn't taking care of myself.
Self-care went completely out the window because I was pouring into everybody else and not
taking care of myself.
So let's see some of this.
Jill, she says, loneliness.
Blair, I'm the only single adult amongst the family, and it feels lonely.
So if you're doing family events, I know this happens.
Like everybody takes those family Christmas photos, and everybody's got their, you know,
husband, their wife, and all their kids.
And then, or you have all of the family members from, you know, aunts, uncles, you know, cousins.
Oh, so are you dating anybody?
You haven't met anybody special yet?
And then you just feel like you have to, like, entertain that.
So I totally get that.
So Mackenzie would say loneliness when operating with my family, my sister with her fiance,
family dynamics with that, absolutely.
Mackenzie, you probably, is it the same thing?
Like your sister's got a fiance now, and so then it's like, oh, now, when's it gonna happen
for you?
Have you gotten that?
Yeah.
For sure.
Brittany, the combination of not having a special someone to spend holidays with, and
your relatives, buy and give gifts to my younger family members, absolutely.
So I totally get that.
But again, I really want us to start taking action and shifting out of that mindset.
And let's think of some ways that we can really enjoy this holiday season.
So for some of you, if you're like me and got overwhelmed, it may be needing to say
no to a few things.
Maybe it is practicing that self-care, buying yourself flowers, going dress shopping.
I'm curious, what does everyone in here do to like self-care?
Give me some ideas of things that you do to take care of yourself.
You can type it in the chat, Jill, if you want to unmute, you want to share, what are
some things that you do to take care of yourself?
So I scheduled like a hair appointment and I'm going to get my nails done.
Just for me, I find that like when I take care of my outer appearance, it does help
my mood a little bit, even if it doesn't completely shift everything.
Yes, yes.
I love that.
So getting your hair done, your nails done, having someone just massage your feet.
That's good.
I love relaxing by getting massaged.
Like I don't know about you all, but I'm all about, you know, just get those knots
out.
Like help me relax, Maria going to the gym, absolutely.
Prayer walks through the park.
That's so good.
I'm curious though, how many of you neglect to do that at least once a week?
Now I know sometimes massages, you're probably not going once a week.
I was, I tried to, to plan an appointment at least once a month, but sometimes that
didn't always work.
Sometimes finances as a single mom, I couldn't figure that out.
All right.
But how many of you neglect doing something for yourself at least once a week?
Oh, I love Rebecca.
She's traveling.
I love that.
That's so good.
I loved traveling and Blair agrees.
She does that too.
Maria, are you saying that you've neglected to take care of yourself once a week?
Yes.
Sometimes taking care of my children takes too much time for me and then I don't have
time to go to the gym.
So yeah.
So you're going to the gym.
What would happen?
And I say this because I know I'm a mom and I was a single mama too.
What would happen if you would make time for yourself at the gym and put yourself before
taking care of the kids?
I mean, I know some things you have to take care of your kids, all right.
Kids can't like drive themselves to school, but if you were putting yourself at least
going to the gym at least once a week, would that help your mood and how you approach being
a mom?
Oh, it would be so much better.
But I guess I would have to wake up like really, really early before they start needing me.
Yeah, I totally get that.
But if you challenge yourself, just do it for a month.
One day a week, get up extra early, go to the gym and see if that changes your mood
and your mindset.
Because I would bet that would help significantly because ladies, here's the thing, self-care
is so important, especially this time of year, doing something nice for yourself.
So same thing with those of you that feel lonely.
I'm curious how many would have, here's something that's kind of coming up in my spirit.
I'm almost certain that even Bethany might've mentioned this too.
One thing that helped me during this season was planning things for other people, planning
get-togethers, doing things with people and serving other people.
And so I would get lonely thinking I have no one to do these things with.
I could bet that other people felt the same way and God one time says, Carla, you talk
about how you don't feel like anybody's there for you as a single mom, but you know a lot
of single moms, have you tried to reach out to them?
And he challenged me with that.
So I'm just, I'm throwing this out there.
I want you ladies to kind of just sit and pray with it a little bit.
Okay.
Cause I know this one might be a little tougher, but I want y'all to sit with it and pray and
ask God to reveal if there's anything specific that you can do to help yourself in this season
so that it doesn't feel lonely.
It doesn't feel overwhelmed.
It doesn't feel bad.
Right.
And if there's something that you can do differently.
So again, kind of going with that, take care of yourself, do something nice for you, maybe
do some nice things for others and try to really ignite some of that joy.
Okay.
Great.
Another question.
Can I ask a question about that really quick?
Sorry.
Yeah.
So I am kind of in a weird spot with that because I don't know.
So something that I've struggled with in the past is that I will like entertain cause I
love putting on events and all that kind of stuff.
But then the people in my community are not necessarily life-giving, and so in this last season, God is like having me let them go a little bit.
And so that is hard for me in this season, because usually, for example, one of the examples, I usually do a giant Christmas party, and I love it,
but I kind of felt like I needed to not do that this year as my self-care, but then that makes me sad because I love Christmas parties.
And I'm like, I don't have anyone yet. Well, I have a few people, but it just looks a little bit different,
and so I'm trying to find the balance of like, okay, how do I do self-care?
But also, I love the holidays, and I love throwing parties. How do I do that well?
It's going to look a little different. I love this, because a couple of things that came up to me, so you might not be able to put on the big production, right?
Yeah, yeah.
But are there a couple people that may be doing something more quaint and more intimate?
Also, what kind of came up to me is, and this is something that I did, is I would go seek someone that I didn't know.
I'd ask God to highlight certain people, and I would do special things for them.
And this is just one thing that I used to do with my youngest, and it started at a very early age when he was a newborn.
He was born in August, so his first Christmas, he was like four months old.
I was a new single mom and didn't have a lot of money, and so I really couldn't afford Christmas for him.
And I mean, he was four months old, but it still made me sad that I didn't feel like I could provide Christmas for him.
A random stranger reached out to me and said, I want to buy Christmas for your son.
And I was just blown away.
This random act of kindness, someone just, I didn't ask for it.
And that was hard for me too, y'all.
I don't know if you're like me, asking for help was rough, okay?
And God was like, I'm going to get rid of that out of you because you're going to be a single mama.
You're going to have to receive gifts and blessings from people.
I'm going to make you need to get comfortable with it.
And so it was that random act of kindness by a complete stranger that really ignited so much hope and joy in that season.
And so I made it like a declaration that by the next year, I was going to be in a position where I could return it.
I could pay it forward.
And that became a Christmas tradition with me and my youngest.
And he didn't know.
He was a baby.
He was four months old.
And then the next year, he was a little over one year old.
But we started playing Santa.
God would highlight to me.
Sometimes there were people that I knew, but I would go incognito.
There was a couple times with one of my friends.
She was a single mom to four kids.
And there was another season where it was my best friend's tenants who lived in her house, her rental property.
They were a young couple that had three boys under the age of five, I think.
And the father was a firefighter and he got injured.
So he wasn't able to work.
And the mom was, I think she was like a night nurse or something like that.
So, I mean, they had three boys.
And we literally like went in the night with wrapped gifts and put them on their porches.
Like completely anonymous and played Santa.
It was like, here, you're blessed.
So I would even, Mackenzie, I would wonder if maybe God can highlight someone for you to kind of bring joy to others.
Because it sounds like you love the joy, the excitement, like Christmas is a fun time for you.
I would bet that you can carry that joy and that happiness to other people.
That maybe, that are not the people that are going to suck the life out of you.
Because we definitely don't want that.
But I would think that you can be a life giver.
That you can start pouring life into others.
So pray about that and see if God highlights anybody for you to do that.
So maybe that's, maybe somebody else on here, maybe that's an activation for you.
Go find someone to go bless anonymously during the season.
Bring joy to somebody.
I like that.
Mackenzie, did you want to say something?
No, I was just going to say thank you.
You're welcome.
Another thing that came up.
That I did okay, and when I was listening to to the replay from Bethany and
She was giving y'all that activation
Holy Spirit reminded me of an activation that I did when I first joined this program
It was in 2020. It was the end of September of 2020 and
that Christmas
One of the women that I was in community with
She came on in our community and she shared how she just felt led
to go shop for ornaments for her Christmas tree and
she was that like target or something like that and she's you know looking through all the ornaments and she noticed that there are all
These like how many of you when you go ornament shopping?
See all the ornaments were like first year married and like all the wedding stuff like all the wedding ornaments
Have any of you recognize those? I?
Don't know about you all I see Mackenzie shaking her head
I see a lot of you are not on on on camera right now, and I'm hoping it's because you're at work
But if you can be on camera, I'm gonna see your face. All right, let's come out of hiding
I got Teresa and I got Jill and I got Mackenzie, but I don't see everybody else
But if you can't where is the girl my house is always a mess. I got three kids and I even forced them to do chores
You're here with your sisters, we totally get it
Um, so I'm curious. So if can't come on camera and you raise your avatar hand you're on camera. I want to see
Oh, yes
I totally get it. Um, but didn't recognize those ornaments. Okay now that's fine
Okay, but if you were like me, I'd always see those ornaments and I'm me like
Yeah
Not me. I don't get to put one of those up this year, right?
All right, cuz believe it or not sometimes I was I was a bit of a negative Nancy. All right
I know I'm like sometimes try to be like full of life and joy, but I was like I get in my in my stuff
so and
Yes, the baby ones all the baby ornaments, right?
And if you're someone who's just like really desiring to have kids like sometimes it's like you almost feel like it's the enemy
That's in your face
So anyway, one of my sisters in this community
She was like I'm activating my faith and she bought
One of those ornaments and she says, you know by this time next year, I'm gonna have a husband
To help me with my Christmas tree and you know at first I was kind of like, I don't know but y'all
That year I went
I went to
That year I went
And I bought this ornament for my tree
And I believed that that was going to be my last year single. That was gonna be my last Christmas single
Okay, so I bought this like little engagement ring
Ornament. All right. It was 2020
And I was like this time next year 2021
I'm gonna have one of these on my finger
right
Guess what happened?
Didn't meet my husband
And this ornament even though sometimes I was like, I don't know if I want to put it up there
I still continued to put it up on my tree
every year
And ladies i'm telling you. I
This I believed it I and then every time I looked at my tree
Even though there were times it it was hard. I still looked at it. I said, nope
I believe it god because
You're good
And ladies
I know about you all but how many of you have pinterest?
How many of you have a have a pin board of your wedding stuff?
Anybody yes mackenzie
Funny story jackie had us do that one year
Like the when we first started she had us start dreaming about our weddings and we pinned everything
Okay, I even went as far I started pinning the type of engagement ring I wanted
All right
How many of you know what you want your engagement ring to look like?
Describe it in the chat
What's your ring look like
What cut is the diamonds?
I was all about the princess cut or the emerald cut like I wanted the rectangular or the square cut
I
No worries. Lena if you have to jump on a meeting, that's totally fine. We'll have this in replay
Oh blair wants a vintage ring. I love that
um
I had it that all picked out
With
Okay
Dream
What would that look what would that look like for you?
And I believe that this is going to give you some hope jill because oh you're going to get me emotional right now
That's good, it's good. It's really really good
It's just, it's my first holiday season alone in seven years, because we were together for
six and a half, and we looked up engagement rings at houses last year, so I'm sorry.
No, don't apologize, girl.
This is real.
This is what this community is all about.
That's why we're here for each other.
But I believe that this, I really want to ignite your hope here, okay?
I believe God wants to give you a different vision, a different ring, a different, He
has a different love story for you, and it's even better.
So I have this desire for the square cut, emerald cut ring, okay?
So then I had boughten this, okay?
This little ornament, if you will.
2021 happened, husband didn't come.
2022, okay, January 2022, okay, didn't happen in 21, guess what?
This is my year.
This is the year of the bride, even, right?
Talk about the number 22, it's the number of the bride.
I was like, this is my year, I'm getting married, it's good, y'all, I didn't get the year that
I wanted.
But at the end of that year, Jackie reached out to me, she's like, you didn't get the
year you wanted, but you got the year that you needed.
And she's like, have faith that you're the bride.
She's like, if you don't have the faith, borrow my faith, because I have faith that God is
going to bring you your husband.
She goes, and I believe he's going to bring him to you before the end of this year.
She's like, you're not getting married.
She's like, this is November, right?
It's the beginning of November.
She's like, you're not getting married this year.
We're not running to the chapel, but she's like, but I really do believe that you can
meet your husband.
She's like, you're going to have to surrender to things.
And ladies, a week later, my husband dropped into my DMs.
And I had to release the pen for a lot of things.
But ladies, I share this story because that next year, my husband was asking me to pick
out engagement rings, right?
What do you want your rings to look like?
And I went to my pin board, and I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to send him the emerald cut,
all that stuff.
But something didn't, I was looking at them, and I'm like, no, I don't think these are
it.
I don't think these are the rings.
I don't think this is what my engagement ring looks like.
And so I started looking for different rings.
And then I was like, you know, I want to, I want, what is, I don't even know the round
cut.
I wanted the round cut diamond.
So I started looking at photos on Pinterest, and I started pinning them, and I started
sending them to my husband, right?
He's my boyfriend at the time.
And y'all, he proposed to me with this ring, and I need to show you.
Ladies, it legit is, I didn't even realize this ornament on my tree ended up being the
same type of ring that my husband proposed to me with.
So Jill, I believe that there's a new vision.
I really believe that for you.
I feel so strongly for you.
And girl, you got your sisters here, and I feel it.
I know that this is hard.
I know this is a hard season.
But I believe there is redemption.
There is reconciliation.
There's all these things.
God is going to write such a beautiful love story for you, and it's all going to make
sense.
And just lean on us, okay?
If you need to come and cry, you can cry on our shoulders.
We got you.
How many of y'all have been there at some point?
Teresa, Mackenzie, Brittany, yeah, we've all been there.
Maria, she's raising her hand.
You are here with sisters that got you, girl, okay?
So just lean into your Heavenly Father, all right?
God will show you the steps to take, all right?
So I'm going to leave you ladies with those activations.
So let's just be praying about how can you shift the mindset in this holiday season?
Who can you bless?
What can you do to help self-care?
And you know what?
Who knows?
Maybe you'll go and you'll go buy an ornament, and maybe you'll be
tied to your love story. Like I had no idea when I bought this
thing was gonna be tied to my love story. Like, like I like I
was floored because then I was sitting there taking down my
tree. And like looking at my ring because ladies I keep my
tree up for like forever because I just love Christmas. I like I
think I think one year I actually had my tree up all year
long truth be told.
You feel me you get it. You're a Christmas lover to only get it.
Um, so yeah, I just want you to think about that. Another thing
that came up to is I never did this, but I thought about doing
it with buying a gift for my future husband without knowing
him. So maybe that's something maybe you go buy a Christmas
gift for your future husband. Wrap it, tuck it away somewhere.
And who knows, maybe next year for Christmas, you've already
got a gift picked out for him. You don't have to you don't have
to go Black Friday shopping for all those deals. You don't have
to be elbowing those crazies or sitting there on your phone
trying to get those deals. So I just want to leave you. And I
know we're kind of getting into some time and I was going to
talk a little bit about boundaries. And but I think what
I'm going to do is I want you ladies talking, let's let's just
go ahead and jump into like what's going on in your lives
right now. What do you want coaching on? What's what's
coming up in your spirit? We're going to kind of just veer off
course a little bit and then we'll see if a few things get
touched on. Why is everybody shy today?
I feel like I've already talked so I don't want to
Girl, you talk all you want. All right.
I'll just I mean, this is week week one and phase two and I'm
here crying and giving you all I got. So
girl, I love it. I love it. That's how you show up. I will
how we show up here. Yeah, I'll be like really authentic and
just tell you like I feel like every area in my life is a
square peg trying to fit into a round hole. It feels like
everything is shutting down not opening up for me. I know like
geographically, I'm not where I'm supposed to be. And that's
causing some anxiety about like dating. Previously living here.
I ran out of matches because like it's a small town and
there's really not options and I know this is not a permanent
place for me. And I yet I don't have open doors other places.
And so that's just like one way but like, also not having
friends here and and things like that. So there's a lot of closed
doors and things just not fitting. And I've been in
seasons where everything has really run smoothly. So I know
the difference. And I just don't really know how to navigate
that. So I'm just praying for hope and encouragement during
this kind of like in between season.
Yeah, something that came up to me when you were talking reminded
me of when I was going through this, this program, Jackie had
us do a pruning kind of releasing things. Okay. And she
she did a teaching on, you know, we don't just get rid of
bad. Okay, you don't cut off just the bad like, yeah, we cut
off the bad things. So you know, whatever, we clear out the weeds
and all that kind of stuff. But when you're talking about trees
and things like that, sometimes you have to prune off the good
things for great things. And I also had this vision of sorry,
there is a dog in my yard and I'm trying to figure out. Sorry.
Squirrel moment. Um, I have this vision of a house and it being
stripped down to the bones. It needed to have that it has a
good foundation. But it needed to be stripped down to the bones
so that it could be built up to something even better. And so I
don't know if that speaks to you. But I want maybe trying to
shift your perspective of like things aren't just like working
but maybe things are kind of going down to the the core
necessities to kind of get you there so that you can start
building on that strong foundation. So that that tree
is going to get pruned down so that it will flourish into
something better. I don't know if that speaks to you. But
that's kind of what I started feeling in my spirit. But just
know like this is right where you need to be. And there's no
rushing to get to where you think you know, we're not going
to compare. Well, this person's doing this and you are right
where you need to be.
And one of the advice that I can give you is that you're stepping into this
phase two is process just one week at a time. One video, sit with Holy Spirit,
what's he highlighting to you, come to community, share it with us, right? Make a
post in the app and we can give you some coaching and some feedback because ladies
this phase is a much smaller phase because we want to intentionally pour
into you more individually before you step out and step into phase three, okay?
We don't want you staying here forever but we want you to have at least a good
four to five weeks here showing up so that we can just help you build that
momentum going, okay? Let's give you that foundation as you start getting into
dating and here's the thing and some of you that are listening to replay or some
of you may be on right now maybe you're like but Carla I'm in phase two and I'm
not ready to date. That's fine. There's some of you that may not even date in
phase two. You might get through the content and wait until you get to phase
three to start dating and that's totally fine. Ladies, I spent a year before I
started dating. I wouldn't recommend it but a lot of the things that we teach
you here it's not just applied in dating it's applied in just every day, okay? I
hope that helps you. So just enjoy the process. Come here, cry it out, share with
us what's happening, right? And I really want you to pray into
what's something that you can do this week to self-care or to you know
spread joy in some way, okay? Maria, you had your hand up. You got something for
us? Yeah, I'm kind of sort of in the same place. I'm a Christian and
there are no Christian singles around, right? They're all like very drunk and
Catholic. Go ahead. I don't want to cut you off. Yeah, so I'm wondering
where are the Christian singles? All right, yeah. Believe it or not,
they're everywhere. What we've got to start working on is getting out of this
mindset and not coming into an alignment saying these absolute statements. There
are no Christian singles in my area. When you say a statement like that, you're
aligning with that lie. So we got to say, okay, I haven't met any Christian singles
in my area yet, all right? How are you? Are you on the apps yet or have
you, like how do you feel about online dating? I met someone through
Facebook once but nothing else. Okay, so did you just recently get on Facebook
dating? I know I just met this person and we had like one video meeting
and that's all. I'm no good at dating. I've never actually dated anyone. I
married very young and my husband passed away four years ago so I don't know how
to date. I don't know how to behave on a date. Well, good news is that you have a
community here and we will help you, all right? And again, it's that coming out of
that alignment, I'm no good at dating. Maybe you are good at dating, you just
haven't had the opportunity to put it into practice. So that's what we're here
for. We're here to help you put that into practice because truth be told, none of
us were probably good at dating before this program. I know I wasn't. I mean, I
did not pick men very well. I was in my counterfeit. I was believing the lies and
I had to work through some of that and start practicing healthy dating. So the
truth is, Maria, a lot of us are probably not that great but we're learning how to
do it differently, okay? So let's practice coming out of alignment with these lies
that there are no Christian people in my area, no Christian guys today, I'm not good
at dating. Let's shift it to a different mindset and let's start aligning with
truth, all right? So what area do you live in? Is it a bigger city or is it
a small? It's kind of big but it's mainly a Catholic country. Okay.
So us Christians are a minority.
Okay. Well, truth be told, I mean, we have we have Catholics in our community here.
Sometimes it's not about like the denomination.
I'm sorry, guys, I don't like Catholic men.
They're drunken, they're chauvinists.
Yeah, they're too drunken for me.
Okay, I hear you, but I am going to challenge you here, okay?
We cannot take one demographic and assign them that, okay?
I'm not saying that you have to go date Catholic men,
but I will express to you just to be open to the idea
that we're not coming to this alignment with this belief
that all Catholic men are drunks.
There's lots of drunk men out there that aren't Catholic.
I'll tell you that.
I mean, I'm in Ecuador.
So maybe the thing year round is like,
men are very, very drunken unless they're Christians.
When they're Christians, they stop drinking and they stop cheating on their wives.
So that's why I prefer a Christian man like me that goes to Christian church
because, no, I don't have a good experience with Catholic men.
Yeah, no, I mean, and I'm not trying, and hear me when I'm saying,
I'm not trying to diminish or deflect what you've experienced
because that's not what I'm saying.
I just want to help you shift out of this mindset
that could be putting up a blinder or a block or a mentality
that's making it hard for you to draw in connection, okay?
Mm-hmm.
That's why we challenge you here
is sometimes if we go in with this mindset that there's no good men out there,
and this is not just with Catholic men
because there's a lot of us ladies that do this, okay?
I see this in this community often.
I mean, I had moments of this too.
I mean, I had that idea.
I didn't want to do online dating because I was like,
all those men on online dating, all they want is sex.
But do you see how I had this mentality
that I felt that every man that I was going to meet online,
they were just going to want sex?
Well, that simply wasn't true.
I was just not attracting that
because of what I was choosing to believe and see.
And so I had to shift some of my perspective
and really align with God and coming to that intimacy with the Lord
and asking him to stretch me in certain areas.
So those are all things like going to the Lord with some of that,
just being like, I'm not saying go be open to dating Catholic,
but what I want to challenge you is this mindset.
I'm not saying go date the Catholics if you don't want to,
but it's just, again, coming out of the alignment with,
there's no Christian men in my area, okay?
There are, I'm sure there are.
God knows how to put you in contact with your person, okay?
So those are things that I want to challenge you with.
So are you on, you said you met on Facebook,
are you Facebook dating or you just met generally on Facebook?
I met generally in a group.
So are you open to online dating?
Yeah.
Okay.
So I would encourage you to, are you on any apps at all right now?
No, I, before I entered the program, I was in one app,
but nothing came out of there.
Okay, which is fine.
I was, I mean, I was in apps too,
and obviously I didn't have a great experience,
but I didn't allow that one, the poor experience,
I had to not open me up to the idea of going out and getting back on.
And I ended up doing Facebook dating.
So Facebook actually has a free dating portion,
portion, but there's, there's other, other online.
I think Holy is one, Bumble, Hinge, Upword.
Those were a couple that were, I was familiar with when I was dating,
but I would encourage you start there.
Okay.
Cause it just, it sounds like in your community,
you're having a hard time finding anyone that you would be open to dating
in your like community.
So expand it, get online.
Are you willing or able to relocate,
or would you date long distance if someone else was able to relocate?
Yeah.
Okay.
I would like someone else to relocate.
I can't relocate actually.
You can't relocate, but you'd be willing to date long distance if they can relocate.
Perfect.
Okay.
So that would be my encouragement for you.
Okay.
So yeah, someone said salt.
Do you have salt in Ecuador?
That's another great.
dating site. So I would encourage you, find one or two sites, get your profile going.
If you need tips and feedback about your profile, share it with us in the app. Us coaches, myself,
Ebony, will happily give you feedback, all right? And let's start there. Let's start
getting you in front of other people that maybe are not just local, in hopes to kind
of expand your pond, if you will, okay? But again, I just will caution you to be coming
from this space of needing to grill them on their faith, all right? And I say this to
all you ladies, because if I was there too, I'm like, what's your faith like? Like, what's
your belief? What's this on a first date? And ladies, it doesn't have to be that, okay?
We want to marry someone that is going to walk in our faith with us and continue that,
okay? It's not always about where they've been, it's about where they're going,
all right? We want y'all with believers, obviously, okay? But again, we don't want,
take time to get to know them. What is their character like? What do they present themselves?
And you're not going to see them for who they truly are until you get to know them, okay?
Because we all put on our best faith, right? We all put our best foot forward. And that's
why we really talk about pacing and really going light, taking it easy, getting to know someone.
Let's not grill them on their faith and their walk and where they've been and what they're
doing, okay? We don't want to go into the space of being super judgmental because ladies,
these men sense that. They want a feminine, soft woman. They don't want someone that's going to be
grilling them all the time, all right? Men don't want mamas, all right? Masculine husbands want
someone that's going to match that, all right? Hopefully, that helps. Okay, so a couple of you
abandoned. Ziggy shared about salts. I see a lot of things going in the chat, so I'm going to make
sure I didn't miss anything. So yeah, Ziggy, yep, you can relate, too, because yeah, Ziggy's in
Germany, so she completely understands sometimes of the pickings, right? I know Ziggy's been with
us for a little bit, so she gets it. Yep, she's shaking her head, yep. Yeah, so Blair's saying
maybe it's more of a cultural, not necessarily the religion, so sometimes it could be the culture.
Maybe it's just maybe a lot of men in that area, like drinking is acceptable. Maybe society just
accepts that. I know I have a good friend that's Irish. I don't know about anybody who knows about
people from Ireland, but those people can drink. They can throw back against us, all right?
So sometimes it's just the culture, and here's the thing. That's another thing about
having those non-negotiables. For me, I was not going to date someone who was a smoker.
My dad was a smoker and had all sorts of health issues. Believe it or not, I used to smoke
cigarettes, and I had to cut cold turkey. It was nasty, and so I knew I didn't want to be
around that smell. My son's father hid that from me, and I was pregnant, and then I found
out he was a smoker, and I was like, what? And so that was important to me. I'm like, I don't want
someone who's going to hide that stuff. I don't want it at all, so I had to really make sure before
I got in a relationship with anybody, I was going to take my time to get to know them because I
wanted to make sure they weren't going to be a smoker because that was important to me. My dad
had health issues. My dad still smokes, and I was like, I don't want that for my future husband,
and I don't want that for my kid, and so that was important. Same thing with drinking. I dated
someone who had an alcoholic. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol, and I knew I couldn't have
that. That was just something that I wasn't aligning with, but just because I didn't want
someone who was an alcoholic and a drug user, obviously we don't want any of that. I'm still
okay with a little bit of drinking, but I had to be mindful that I was watching how someone was
drinking because I didn't want it to go back. I enjoy a couple glasses of wine here and there.
I want to be able to do that, so just because someone drinks doesn't mean that just automatically
makes them an alcoholic. Just because someone's Irish doesn't make them an alcoholic. It's
learning to pace yourself and getting to know someone and seeing the fruit of their
character. That's what I really want to emphasize to you ladies is taking the
time to get to know someone to see the fruit of their character. All right. But
yeah I think I think like Blair said it could be more of a culture thing so it
sounds like and I think you were shaking your head yes that it's just so it's
like socially acceptable and that's the unfortunate part because there's a lot
of things in our world that just now become socially acceptable and it's not
not biblical I mean that's just the way it is but doesn't mean that your
husband's not not there somebody said that match wasn't one bad when you were
back there I agree I I did match I I didn't match prior to this that was when
I was hesitant only because that's where I met my son's dad but here's the thing
ladies I know a lot of people are like I want to go on a Christian dating site
there's scammers on Christian sites to people I'll say they're Christian that
Christian on Christian site okay cuz they're just gonna try to pray all right
I'm not saying that you get on there and you're gonna be like scammed all the
time right but then on the ones that are not necessarily Christian sites there's
still Christian people on there like I was on non-christian sites and I'm a
Christian so I just want y'all to keep that as an open mind as well the good
good stuff okay so Rebecca had to go back to work awesome okay yes there
there are definitely scammers there's scammers everywhere ladies okay that's
why we that's why we have this community that's why we encourage y'all to share
what's happening because your coaches we will help you see those blind spots okay
it's also while we ask you not to go deep dive in with these strangers all
right it's about pacing and it's about balance okay and we're here to help you
okay anybody else Brittany and Brittany and Ziggy and then I'll take your
questions anybody else have questions just raise your avatar hand okay and
then I'll touch on a couple things about boundaries and then I will let you
ladies go so Brittany yes Blair thank you Brittany what you got for us today
yeah so I am on like three dating apps it's just the ones I've used like in the
past and so I've been I've been have I've been having a lot of things like
come up like for me because I'm like hey like God I'm really trusting you like
the brave people in my inbox that you know are gonna take me seriously because
I used to be on every dating app you can possibly imagine and and I just kind of
felt like I picked up where I left off like I was like burnt out and I'm like I
it was a time where I but I was a Christian on the on my profile and and
especially like hint it's a lot more different now with hinge versus before
because they've changed some things with filtering and security measures but
before the security measures I used to get flooded with like a whole bunch of
stuff but yeah I just am I'm just like man I have sometimes I just feel like
man I really don't want to do this I really don't want to be back on a
dating app again because even the dates I went on out with before before this
program I met those men like through these apps and so I'm like okay like has
it really like changed like is there gonna be more people on here like that
are more Christian and I mean I see some change you know more men are being more
bold about sharing like this is what they're looking for and whether it's a
Christian woman or not but yeah I mean I've reached out to a few men and I've
got nothing back at all and I was like oh that kind of stings a little bit but
I was like you know I don't know what to do first and then you're not getting
response back yeah so like for example like if I see something that like if I
see someone that like I read their profile and now the app say like hey
wave at them or like their photo whatever and then it always comes up
with a box to prompt you to say like hey how about you say something else like so
you know they suggested and so that's what I kind of did like hey I like your
profile and you said X Y & Z like you know you like to go you like to go
hiking for example and what kind of places you like to go to like just
something yeah I'm only just on three it's some hinge holy and then there's
more of a newer app which is firebond that's more of a newer one yes yeah
those are the only three I'm on is like I can't take it yeah don't don't do more
than two or three
Like Brittany said, it can get really overwhelming and it can be a lot to manage.
If you find yourself kind of getting overwhelmed with the whole online dating, let's assess
on how many apps are you on?
How much time are you spending?
And let's start there.
So that's what I would encourage you.
If you had to, can you, like next one and maybe not check it for a little bit and maybe
just focus on one, maybe two from there and then setting time parameters for yourself.
That's something that I had to do so that I didn't find myself constantly swiping and
all that kind of stuff.
Because ladies, that can get draining, especially when you get hopeful, you see this like great
profile and you're like, then you get nothing.
So that's what I'm saying.
We want to look at those types of things.
Like if this is going to continue to keep reoccurring where you kind of feel that disappointment,
this is when those revealing for healings can happen.
It's assessing, okay, why, why am I feeling this disappointment?
What am I believing?
What are my expectations?
And how am I responding to that?
Because ladies, what I want to share to this kind of, I felt this Brittany, when you were
talking is if we are, if we're going in with this expectation of something and it doesn't
look the way that we want it to, it's very easy for us to kind of go to this negative
mindset.
Okay.
I do that.
I say this because I've done it.
All right.
What I want to encourage you ladies, and I do believe even Bethany spoke about this last
week.
I know I've spoken about it a few times is we have to approach dating in a different
lens as an opportunity for growth.
It's not just going to be, I'm here to meet my husband, but there's a preparation.
So every promise has a process.
There's a prepping, there's a process that has to take, take place.
And what I mean by this is even for myself, I was in this program for over two years before
I met my husband.
There was things that God had to work in me first and he used dating the men that were
not my spirit mate to help me prepare and process and to highlight things that I needed
to work on in myself, you know, so there were guys that had to come along that weren't it
to help teach me and grow me and show me new ways of doing things because ladies, if I
was going to continue to date the way that I used to, it wasn't going to be good.
So God had to take me through this process.
So ladies, some of you are going to experience some disappointment.
I know that's not what you want to hear, right?
But there is going to be disappointment in it and it's the, I wouldn't look at it as
a disappointment.
I would look at it as an opportunity.
God, how do you want to use the situation, this circumstance, this feeling, this emotion
to grow me into the bride that you have called me to be?
I had to prepare for my husband.
All right, y'all, I married my husband.
We are blending a family.
My husband and his two kids, my bonus children, they had been through some trauma.
My youngest and myself, we had been through separate trauma.
And so there was some refining that needed to happen before I was ready to take that
on.
And I will tell you, okay, there is some refining that's happening in our marriage and our blending
of our family.
All right, I got two teenage kids and I got a nine-year-old, all right, whose dad basically
like has rejected him his whole life.
Who's feeling it, okay?
So I got a lot going on.
And so there had to be some work in me because God was like, okay, you've got to be prepared
because I'm setting you in this situation and you need to be ready for it.
And I had no idea, but I will tell you some of the things that I had learned on the way
I'm now applying here in my blended family.
I'm coaching even my daughter.
My daughter has gone through so much trauma.
Her mom died when she was seven years old, y'all.
She was raised by a single dad, all right?
There's some mental health stuff that her mom had even.
There was a lot of stuff going on.
And even now, like she's having to learn.
She didn't get the mom that she thought.
she wanted, but God knew the type of mom that I was and it's what she's needed.
And so we're having, like, she's, we butt heads quite frequently, y'all.
All right.
I was, I was not like, you know, at first, like I was a boy mom.
All right.
And I didn't, I didn't get this daughter as a little baby.
I got her at, you know, 11, turning 12 and now she's 13.
There's some, I don't know about y'all.
Like I was, you know, we all were teenage girls before.
All right.
I don't know if you recall how you were when you were a teen.
I'm like, I know all of her, like, oh man, we were not that friendly to our
moms and we were a little bit sassy and drama and all that kind of stuff.
Y'all like we, we deal with that, but I'm telling like, again, it's the process.
So there's things that God will want to give you opportunities to grow in so
that when your husband comes and your families come and all those things, you're
already prepared before you even know it.
And then there's growth that still happens there.
There's experiences and people that are coming in my life and
showing me new ways of things.
God's stretching me in this season.
So I want you ladies to look at it.
And I say all of this, Brittany, because again, we want to make sure that we're
looking at everything as an, a positive opportunity.
How can you grow?
How can you learn?
How can you, how can you prepare for what God has in store for you?
So again, we have to acknowledge like, ladies, you're going to feel the
disappointment.
Okay.
And I know I just said that there, there's going to be that disappointment there.
All right.
That's why you have this community because we're here, we're here to help.
You can, you can bear that weight on us.
Okay.
All right.
So, but let's focus on, okay, what can I do differently?
So that I grow from this and I have an opportunity there.
So I would say, let's look at what expectation are you having with reaching
out to guys and then not responding back?
Is there a feeling of rejection?
Where does that come from?
Is there some growth there?
Is there an opportunity?
All right.
Are we going to focus on the rejection?
Are we going to focus on, you got a couple other apps that you can go on other
people that you can make connection with?
Cause here's the thing.
The enemy is going to want you always looking over here.
Once you're looking back there, right?
Not here.
All right.
I hope that helps.
I don't know if I addressed exactly what you were asking.
Yeah, I think you did.
Cause I, I thought some things too, like, Oh, rejection, you know, like what
were my expectations?
Like, were they too high going into this?
And I felt like that's what ended up happening besides trying to pace myself.
So, um, I'm going to be able to like, just process that and, um, journal
and take it from there.
Yeah.
You're God defended.
You're God protected.
Sometimes it's like, he's just protecting you.
He's not even going to bring, he's not even going to have that guy respond to
you because it's probably, it's not for you because you cannot mess up your
spirit mate.
All right.
And I know that somebody else brought that up.
They, they had a situation.
They, they, one of your sisters gave her number out and set a boundary and he like
then started messaging her and then she started feeling like, you know, he wasn't
respecting that.
She kind of got irritated and he got like triggered too.
And then she's like, what if I messed up, you know, getting to know this great guy?
Well, if he was your spirit mate, you wouldn't have messed it up.
So it's just remember like you are God defended.
All right.
There's, there's, we don't have to have that scarcity mindset.
All right.
You can't mess up your spirit mate.
All right.
Oh, good to see you Ziggy.
How are you?
I'm doing all right.
Thank you.
It's good to see you too.
Yes.
I'm in a couple of weeks.
Yes.
And you're going to be, you're going to be shifting to phase three soon, right?
Yeah.
Well, that is one of my questions.
I, let me briefly, um, phrase three questions and then we can see which one we
jump into and which one we, once we don't have time, I had a couple of situations.
Um, one question is how do I handle ghosting?
The second question is how do I handle, like if I meet a guy in real life and we
start talking and kind of flirting and I really get the impression he wants to meet
me again, but doesn't ask, doesn't ask for my phone number.
Do I just give it to him?
That's the third one is when is, when is it time to move to phase three?
Okay.
All good questions.
Ghosting.
You get ghosted
Totally fine. We used to call this back in my day when we when we first started this program. We called it. Holy ghosting
So is it a blessing?
It's not even a it's not even a it's not even a block because they've kind of just decided to take themselves out
For whatever reason we don't need to know but it's literally it's divine protection if they're ghosting you just just say it's divine
For whatever reason it's divine
Totally fine because here's the thing has nothing to do with you. There's everything to do with them
Yeah, that's good
But if you're finding that you're still like you get ghost and you kind of feel like it
Stirring something up in you then that's if it's continuing to happen. That's again. It's a reveal heal. Let's let's navigate that
So if that's something that's starting to come in and you're starting to feel a certain way and it's starting to take up a lot
Of space in your mind then maybe it's God
Highlighting something to you and giving you an opportunity to heal from
So again, it could be that rejection if I'm being ghosted. Am I being rejected? I'm not good enough
Whatever whatever that looks like. Okay, and then that could be
Let's heal from it. All right, God can use those opportunities in all those situations
But we used to call it holy ghosting you'd be like, thank you God divine protection
Because you never know
That person could have reached out and they could have just been
Drama trauma and all sorts of stuff. I'm just not good. So look at it as holy ghosting
If you're connecting with a guy and you enjoyed yourself and they're not
picking up the wanting to hang out with you if
You had a first date or maybe you've had a first date. This is when
You can drop that hanky, okay
So ladies if you've not met somebody you're you're having interaction and you really want to get to know them and you want to have a meet
Up, it's okay
To throw that bait out there. Like, you know what? I love the conversation. We're having I would love for us to like
Go hang out. Let's you know, maybe we can go bowling. Maybe we go grab coffee. Maybe we grab, you know breakfast together
Whatever what have you and throw that out there, you know, he said that and he did that
He said that I mean we had a date and then he said let's do that again
And and then he doesn't reply or he doesn't okay, so you
You guys had a first date. He said he'd like to do it again
Did you agree?
Yes, okay, has there been any like contact have you guys messaged phone call text any that I
Waited for like eight days and then I wrote him. Hey, it's been a while
Are you are you are you doing? Okay or something to that extent and he didn't he didn't reply. Okay
Before that he he wrote me every day in the future
Don't wait eight days
Okay
If you go ladies when you go out on a date, let's say you go out on a Saturday lunch, okay
Just let's pick Saturday lunch. It's okay
For you to reach out Sunday evening
Or in say hey or the next day maybe Sunday morning. You know what? I really want to thank you for lunch
I had a really nice time would love to get together again. Please. Let me know when you're free
And
That's and that's it and then let him initiate let him figure that out and then if they after you've given it
I mean, I wouldn't give it more than 24 or 48 hours before kind of expressing. I really had a nice time
Let's do that again, even when you're leaving the first date and you have that exchange
Sometimes there's just nerves and all sorts of stuff and you're just saying things to say things wait at least, you know
if you're in that 24 hour no more than 48 hours throw it back out there and
Then at that point let him initiate the second date
But it doesn't letting him initiate the second date and you sharing that you want to go on a second date or two different things
You can still say hey, I want to do this again. Let me know if you're free
Then let him plan it. Let him initiate. Hey next weekend
I would love to do this and then let him do it. But when we wait that eight days
My guess is he probably
Thought that you weren't interested
Then heard from you
I'm not saying like here's the thing guys. They can initiate that they can reach out to but sometimes men are weird
Sometimes they get ladies they get just as insecure as we do I
Was kind of going with what Rene was teaching let them know at the end of the date
You're interested and I did and then let them initiate and then after eight days
I'm like, okay, let's just see if he's yeah, that's what I'm
saying. I wouldn't wait the eight days. I mean, yes, we
want to let them know at the end. But then the next day you
can still like I mean, if he's messaging me every day, like
again, ladies, I would limit the amount of texting and talking.
Don't do the everyday thing. I mean, it's it naturally happens
like I say that my husband was messaging me every day. All
right. Now I would pace it because I'm like, I'm not going
to respond to you every minute you message me. But I got to
know him a little bit. And again, we were long distance was
slightly different. But it was phone calls, FaceTime, things
of that nature. But again, like healthy pacing. Because again,
if you're talking to somebody every day, and you're trying to
date a couple different people, because we do encourage you all
just to, you know, don't put all your eggs in one basket. You
know, really get to know people. All right. Because typically
after a couple weeks, if someone's interested in you,
they're going to show that initiation. So I would say in
the future, maybe not wait the whole eight days. But again, if
you even even if you waited, you know, 24 hours, 48 hours, and
you drop that Hanky and said it was really nice. Thank you
again so much. I mean, you might not even have to say when are
you free next? Like I had a really great time. Thank you
again for for lunch, by the way. And see what happens. And if
he's not responding to you, and you're kind of seeing, chances
are he's probably just didn't have the connection. And he's
not, you know, he's uncomfortable to have that
conversation. Ladies, sometimes men are sometimes men are not
there. I know so many women say I don't want to string this guy
along. I don't know how to tell them that I don't want to and
then they end up ghosting you end up ghosting them. Or you're
so afraid to tell them the honest truth that I just not
interested. You're a nice person. Thank you for the day.
I just don't see this going in a romantic. We all do it men do
it too. Right. And again, it doesn't have anything to do with
you. It's just them. But I will also share a perspective to
have is that not to look at it as rejection, but looking at as
again, protection. And remember, you don't want someone unsure
of dating you or you unsure of dating them. If you're not if
you know that it's not a match. You don't you want them you
want to release them so that they can go find their person
you want them to release you. So you're not tied up in limbo and
being held up to, you know, moving forward to meet your
spirit mate. So let's look at it from a perspective now I'm not
being rejected. I'm being protected. I'm you know, I'm
releasing this person because his spirit mate is out there.
And I don't want to hold him back from it. And you know, if
he's not interested in me, that's fine. I'm just one step
closer to my spirit mate. So look at it that way. Last
question, when you are ready to move on to phase three, so
you've completed all your videos, you've been to several
lives, which I love, you've shared in the app, right? You
will email admin at Jackie Dorman calm and request move to
phase three. And then the rest is history. Then that's getting
started. Here. You're welcome. All right, I got Blair's
question. We are an hour and a half in. So I know some ladies
had to drop off because of work. I get it. It's that time of day.
Ladies, if you can't stick around, it's totally fine. You
can you can leave if you need to. I will stick around. I'm
going to take Blair's question. If anybody else has questions. I
will take those as well. Okay.
Blair, how are you?
Oh, you're muted.
Can you hear me? Yes. Okay. Um, so I'm almost ready to for phase
three and also not email. But my question is I've gone on a
couple days with a guy. Really nice. He's kind of like on
paper, everything that like, you know, I want he's well
established. He seems to be really nice. Like, um, but
there's a couple I don't even know if they're beige flags.
Like it might be what things like I'm just turning into
something it doesn't need to be.
Yeah, we all have yellow flags. Okay. All right. It's giving
time to see right yellow turning green. So help us see what those
flags are.
Okay, so
both times that we've met so I I live in a small town about 45 minutes south of Fresno and I work
in Fresno and he lives in Clovis which is like adjacent to Fresno but it's like on the other
side so I work in like South Fresno and to get to Clovis is like 25 minutes from where I work
um and we met after work one day and um and I don't normally drive to work I do a vanpool so I
meet at like a closer location and take a van carpool basically so I met him I drove in one
day and we met and we met like at a little piano bar type deal um but it's not really a bar it was
a restaurant very you know um and I get there and I went in order to drink which I because you know
he had a drink and I didn't you know and I'm not opposed to you know drinking um and we said then
we talked for a couple hours it was really nice conversation flowed easily he said I want to do
this again we ended up meeting um I had to work on a Saturday um which is kind of out of the norm
for me so I met up again and I remember asking him like oh what are you drinking and he was
drinking a soda water just like a lime and soda water and I was like and laughed and the first
time I felt bad because you know I knew he was probably going to treat so I didn't get dinner
but again it was after work I hadn't eaten anything and the second time kind of same thing
I went directly after work and um I got a drink and that's when I found out he was just drinking
soda water and I'm just like and I just felt bad because he didn't make any moves when they asked
us if we wanted food he didn't you know oh yeah well you know we're going to order dinner or
whatever um and then I ended up getting chips and salsa because honestly I got a margarita
so he so they asked did you want dinner and he said yeah well he's like they're like would you
like something to eat and he's like oh no we're good um okay I was like okay and I had had I got
a margarita um and I needed something to eat so I was like is it okay if I order something I'll pay
for it and he's like oh no yeah don't worry about it just you know and so I ended up just getting
like the cheapest thing which is chips and salsa and it's kind of funny because afterwards I went
and got a hamburger because I was so hungry because you know I didn't eat and since I mean I
I try to I guess I had my salad for lunch and the thing is like I have because historically um
guys I don't I've never been the girl that gets chased by guys or whatever I've only had a handful
of guys interested in me and they're always like very like no motivation no job you know either
whatever and so it feels good to have this guy and he seems like he's still interested
but my two flags are one like he's financially stable but is he cheap you know and that sounds
horrible but I don't you know I'm like am I like am I the problem because I'm not very good with
money so I'm not one to be judging and then the other thing is um he still has not come out my way
to visit and he comes out here he travels a little bit for work like just in our area
and he's like and he's kind of um been like oh when I'm you know next time I'm in you know your
town I'll we should go out to dinner and I've been like that's great but he hasn't actually
come and he keeps like hinting or asking me like oh well did you drive to work today are you good
to meet after dinner you know after work and like should I continue you know does that make sense
like should I continue to put all the effort in to see him or should I kind of be like wait until
he makes the effort to come out I would say continue to keep pacing like keep that pacing
I would say again like one thing I do want to challenge you with is the hesitation
to get something cheaper on the menu if you're hungry eat something all right and say hey I'm
gonna go ahead and order this are you sure you don't want anything I'm gonna order order what
it is that you want and that that in itself will will show you his response okay I had a time where
I was out on a date with a guy who's actually from this community and we had we went on like a walk
and did coffee whatever and then he we drove somewhere and he's like hey let's go check this
out and then he's like hey do you want to go grab lunch I was like yeah sure we went ordered at this
counter and I was first and the the woman at the register was like oh is this together
and I was like yeah and I like I was like he could pay and he was like oh and I'm like no
and I was like I knew I was like he's in this community so he knows Jackie would like rip him
a new one and but I would just say encourage it and obviously like I kind of saw he probably
didn't want to but I didn't have to feel bad okay it wasn't like we went to a fancy restaurant
and like I ordered a $60 steak I mean if I'm ordering a you know $20 meal it's it's fine
all right so I would encourage you like don't hold back like it's okay and again you said
oh do you mind if I get something and he's like oh no and even when you offered to pay like
that's fine offer to pay but you still have
But he's like, no, no, that's fine.
Order it as whatever you want, 100%.
Because again, you can't sit here and think he's cheap
because he did say, order whatever you want.
Yeah.
Okay, so I will challenge you with that.
But I would even say, as far as him traveling to see you,
just put that out there.
Say, hey, do you think this next time
we can come somewhere down this area,
maybe offer a place or two that you'd wanna go visit
or check out and say, hey, there's this place near me
called this and there's this place and this place near me.
Maybe we should get together and do that sometime
and see if he takes, if he initiates.
Like, yeah, that would be great.
And then see if he does it.
But again, if you throw that stuff out there
and then they're kind of like,
he's not wanting to inconvenience himself,
that's when you see that yellow flag
is kind of turning orange because he's not making the effort
but again, put it out there.
It's all about, sometimes it's about
just the communication.
Does that help?
Yeah, it does.
And I just wanna encourage the other ladies.
I had not been on a date in years
and I don't think I'd been anything like above a coffee date
probably since my 20s and I'm in my early 40s now.
So I just wanna encourage you guys,
it's not as scary as you think it's gonna be.
You know what I mean?
Like, I think Jackie and phase one really prepared me
and the coaching here, but I mean, I was terrified
and I just kind of jumped in and did it.
And so-
Ripping the bandaid off.
Yeah, just rip the bandaid off and just go on a date.
And I didn't read too much.
I remembered her low stakes, you know,
like I'm not getting married.
I'm literally gonna go meet someone and that's it.
You're just getting to know somebody
and saying, do you have some same interests?
Do you enjoy being around them?
Are they fun to be around?
Do you feel good when you're around them?
Is it fun?
Is it enjoyable?
Like, that's all that is.
I mean, same thing with your girlfriends.
Right.
A lot of us have girlfriends
that we don't enjoy being around, right?
At some point, we weren't friends with our girlfriends
and something like, hey,
I think this person would be fun to hang out with.
It's no different with guys.
It really isn't.
It's just low stakes, no pressure, 100%.
Awesome, Blair.
Thank you so much for hopping on and sharing
and asking questions.
I love it.
Mackenzie, I'm gonna take your question.
And I think there's just a few of us left.
So, I'll take your question, then we'll move along.
And you ladies enjoy your-
Sorry, I wasn't sure if we had enough time, but-
Oh, for sure.
So I, okay, I have two questions.
First question is, I have been kind of talking to this guy
like very sporadically, not like full all in, you know?
And I am not, I don't think it's a thing.
There's lots of things, but I just, it's not.
So, but I don't, I'm very tempted to just ghost him
because it hasn't been like serious conversation
or anything like that.
But I also don't want to do that because, you know,
so I don't know what to say.
Cause I don't know, I don't necessarily know
if we've had enough conversation for me to be like,
hey, I don't, I'm not feeling it, you know?
Have you met him in person?
No.
Have you done a video call?
Negative.
What about him is like, this is a no?
Well, I didn't, I didn't actually mean to say yes to match.
But so, and he, and he, he like does it.
Cause I was like, it was when I was first on there.
And so, and he loves the Lord
and he does know someone I know like in my area.
And so I was like, okay, sure.
But I just, I don't know.
Okay. Tell me what, where's the reluctance though?
Um, I, I, he's just not the most attractive human being
at all.
Yeah. I get it.
Yeah.
And I know you're not going to want to hear this,
but you know, I will tell you, okay.
I've witnessed this.
Okay.
There's a lot of women in this community
that they were not attracted to their husbands at first.
And they were like, but he's really nice.
And he loves the Lord.
And they just, they just went out on a date again.
I would encourage you to get a live date.
Just enjoy him as a person.
Put your, put your dating, dating skills to practice.
Get all dog.
Cause here's the thing.
I will tell you this.
You're not physically attracted to him at first.
You're going to go in there.
Like, no worries.
It's not going to be so test it out.
I would encourage you just go out on a date.
And here's the thing.
You're not stringing them along.
You're not doing that.
Cause here's the thing.
We're not, we're not making commitments.
Getting to know someone for who they are.
Doesn't have to be a love connection.
Truth be told,
Jackie had to kick me out of the nest to get me dating.
And she, she introduced me.
So she's like, this is not a love connection,
but you.
need to go on a date. She put me together with someone that she's
like, this is not a love connection. But you need to date
and I was like, right. But I but again, I remind you that there
was a lot of women in this community that didn't find the
husband's attractive secret. I didn't think my husband was very
attractive. Like I've shared this before. I kind of joke with
them. I'm like, yeah, he's a decent looking guy. He was
shorter. Like I was like the tall guy. So all those when we
sit there say don't don't don't put height as a requirement. Like
I was the girl that was like, you need to be at least six
foot. I'm five three y'all like I don't really need. But okay.
My husband's like five nine. All right. He's taller than me. But
I'm like, he's short. You know, he's got a dad bod. Right? I saw
that in these pictures. I mean, he's handsome face, all that
kind of stuff. But I wasn't physically attracted to him in
these pictures. But I will tell you right like, now I mean, I
just, I love him. Like, I Yeah, he's, he's my eye candy for
sure. All right. There's other things that even draw me into
him. So I get it. Like some guys are just not like you're like,
just Yeah, going at low stakes. You have at this point, nothing
to really stress about it's not going to be you're not gonna be
nervous. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You're like, okay, you know,
just practice your dating skills. And here's the thing
after you get to know him if you after like a date or two and
really getting to know him. You can even express like, hey, um,
and again, you won't ghost him. They look I, I've really enjoyed
getting to know you. Thank you so much for spending time. I
don't see this going further to the room like being romantic or
romantic. But I really did enjoy our time together. And I want to
throw this out there. I'm part of this really awesome community
of Christian men and women. Um, there's a lot of a lot of ladies
looking for a man that's like you, would you be interested in
checking it out? Yeah, if you find that he loves the Lord,
he's a good night, good guy, and he's respectful. And, you
know, he can hold a conversation, whatever. If he's
just, you're like, he might not be for you. But maybe he's for
one of your sisters here in the community. Okay, so let's not ask
them right away. Good to know. And then Oh, okay. Right. And
then we have another question. And then I'll move on to Teresa.
Yeah, that kind of leads it into it. Because I am I'm learning I
did a lot of dating apps before. And then I stopped because I was
like, this is terrible. Just being honest. I that's how I
felt. And so then I stopped, I had to come out of agreement
with the vow that I wasn't gonna ever do dating apps again.
Yeah, we all we all I think I think all of us at some point
were like, we can't stand these dating apps.
I was like, this is not it. But I'm learning to get so but a lot
of the things that I've learned so far and continuing to learn
it has changed my perspective. I'm like, okay, I got to do
dating apps differently. Right. So, um, with that, I'm trying to
switch my perspective. And I just love to like, kind of get
your perspective, because I am the one, one of the people who I
see person I'm like, if I can't see myself marrying them that I
don't, I'm like, very choosy in that respect. But I'm trying to
untrain my brain. And so I would love your input of how to do it.
Because I am talking like, just randomly started talking last
night to two other guys. And I'm like, okay, but why not? And so
but it's hard for me in my mind to be like, okay, I don't really
see myself marrying you. But I also know what you said is true.
So I'm just trying to figure out how to to do that. Well, let's
definitely come out of the agreement and the partnership of
that this is to be hard. Yeah, right. It's hard to do this.
Well, it doesn't have to be. Okay. And so yeah, I would just
say, you know, go just go out. Go do it. Right. And and I think
maybe it sounds like this may be one of those things that God's
giving you these opportunities to stretch you to take you out
of that comfort zone of how you used to do things to do things a
little bit. Yeah, that kind of happened to me as well. I always
was very physically like I needed to be physically
attracted to somebody if I wanted to date them. And if
they didn't look a certain way, I didn't really want to date
them. Yeah, I'd removed that from me. To the point that
ladies like when I would swipe on guys like I didn't have I was
indifferent with how they looked. It was really weird. And
I dated this one guy was one of the very few guys that
went on multiple dates with because most of the guys I went on date with it would just be one
date and then they weren't interested or things just kind of fizzled out there was one guy that
if I was showing his picture to other women they're like oh he's a really attractive looking
man and quite frankly I didn't think he was unattractive I also didn't think he was attractive
I was just really like God showed me he was allowing me to find attractiveness in their
character and not their looks and so that was a challenge for me because I had my old way of
dating was the looks but God's like no we're gonna we're gonna go over here you're gonna find
attractiveness in other ways are you attracted to them in like their spiritual walk or their
emotional or their acts that they do like their acts of service like what other things that I
find attractive about a person I love I love men that could hold a conversation with me it could
banter back and forth with me I found that so attractive it was one of the things that I just
loved about my husband is that our conversation flowed on our first date you know same thing his
his I found it really attractive that he was willing to honor and protect my boundaries
he was so respectful of that I told him he asked me to kiss me on the first date and I was like no
I was I was all about the kiss and ladies I mean I was I loved going out on dates because I was
like yeah I'm gonna make out with somebody tonight you know that was before it was before you know
this community but then I was like no I need to I need to do it differently and so I did I told him
no and ladies that man respected my boundaries like respected before and when he did that I was
like like that's hot yeah I like I will say I I do think there's something to when God kind of shows
us and like is stretching us a little bit there's probably a process and a learning and a growing
there that ladies I will tell you this much God is not gonna have a husband for you that you're not
gonna find attractive just very valid yeah yeah ladies God loves you all very much like he's got
good gifts for his kids all right so he's not going to literally put you as someone that you
like are disgusted by yeah gonna find the attractiveness in there because the truth
is is there's so much more like inner heart stuff that like will span over time yeah I don't know
about y'all but I mean I'm I'm 41 and you know I don't look the way I did when I was 20 all right
I can imagine when we have grandkids I'm not gonna look the same and neither is my husband
all right it's not just about the physical intimacy it's so much more it's the spiritual
it's the emotional it's the it's that it's that connection there's and that's again why we kind
of coach you ladies not to get into the romantic physical in level level two and level three and
no sex before marriage because the the intimacy that's required is so much more than physical
intimacy for sure yeah and so I would say just go for it you know have fun enjoy it
um yeah and I think I think that there's I appreciate all of the the things that I
it's a weird thing for me because it's not always the physical but it's like oh if there's something
in their profile that I'm like oh that's a hard pass for me you know so but it's a very interesting
thing because I very much am like uh is this right you know but yeah I'm trying to figure out that
and bring that to our community like you know screenshot and say hey here's this guy's profile
these are things I like this is what I'm not not so into can you help me out with this yeah that's
good I would rather you ladies come with like all the post then sit there in silence and and try to
navigate this all by itself so come appreciate that and share it I mean no matter how little
you think it is if you need some direction we got you okay thank you appreciate that
you're welcome Teresa it's so good to see you how are you
y'all ready for Thanksgiving uh I'm in Canada so I already did my thing yeah I have some Canadian
friends they always did um Canada Thanksgiving I was like oh that's totally not the same time
that we do ours years and years it's like
Oh, yeah.
Programs were just late.
And Boxing Day is a thing for y'all too, right?
Yeah.
Not for me so much.
I don't really care that much.
And there was a guy that was in our program, and we chatted for a bit before I met my husband,
and he would always bring up, like, he talks about that.
And I'm like, what is that?
We never had Friday.
Celebrate that.
He's only been here for, I don't know, six years or something like that.
Anything shopping, I guess we take on too.
So anyways, I did do my profile online.
Yay!
I've been much more positive about the whole dating thing.
I'm doing better.
It's a process.
We don't have to compare.
I'm doing better.
So there is one guy I've been talking to that's been flowing, and we've had a phone call so far.
We're talking about a video chat.
He's not dating yet because he's a recent widow.
So it's only a couple months.
He's far away.
And it was funny because I had set my dating app parameters to be, like, within an hour and a half, and he's where I used to live.
So that's why he messaged me in the first place is we grew up together apparently.
It was great.
So I felt comfortable giving him my phone number before I met him, right, which makes it a lot easier.
So that comes to my question is I've been, I narrowed it down to 10 that I could stand going talking to.
I get it.
I totally get it.
They're terrible with their pictures.
I mean, I have no idea what they look like.
They got these frowny face selfies.
Oh, my goodness.
Yeah, seriously.
Of course I got it.
I always tell you ladies, have grace for these men because they don't have a program like ours.
I don't even say this.
Like, some of you ladies post, I mean, I'm not saying any of you that are on it right now, but there's been some ladies in the past that I'm like, girl, why would you put that picture?
But again, like, I mean, that's what we're here for.
We're here to help you coach you through that.
He said he could practice flirting with me, and he said it'd be easy because you're five foot tall and smiley, so how hard could that be?
And I said, but you didn't smile in any of your pictures.
Girl, call him out.
Call him out.
Yes.
My actual question is that I was only able to get an app that went on my computer because my phone is old and it's not downloading any new apps.
Okay.
So I think I need to buy a new phone, which I don't want to do.
I like my phone, but, you know.
I'll have to upgrade you.
Yeah, it's probably going to be a couple weeks before that works, and I'm finding the computer really hard because I'm not on the computer that much.
And so then, you know, like it's sometimes days between when we said something and answered and blah, blah, blah.
Okay.
I don't know.
I mean, do I just drop it until I get an app on my phone, or do I tell the guys that I'm on my computer and this is why I'm.
No, I don't think you have to drop it.
I think, yeah, you can communicate like, hey, I'm in the process of getting a new phone, so I'm only on my computer ever so often.
So, yeah, I mean, as long as the communication is flowing and, you know, you might after a couple communication be like, hey, just FYI, I'm looking at getting a new phone.
I hope it's okay that I'm not responding, you know, as frequent.
And, you know, just go from there.
It sounds like you have a flow of, you know, somebody that you're talking to.
And you're just, you know, you're dipping your toe in.
I know it's, you know, and I think that's a good thing.
I think that's totally fine for you.
I think you can just.
Well, my friend called it a soft launch.
She said it's actually.
Yes.
That's good for you.
And I think it's, I think it's.
And we're both looking at other people, too.
I think that's divine.
I really do.
I think, you know, what a blessing you must be for this, this man.
I think there's a comfort in knowing that y'all, you know, he, you grew up in the town that he did.
You know, it sounds like it's probably pretty fresh.
And so it's, he probably needs the soft launch too.
And I bet you're a blessing.
And just a safe space and a soft space for him as well.
And again, we don't know if it's, it's, you know, a love connection for, you know, marriage.
But I think, again, it's, you're learning something through this.
I think you're growing.
I think, you know, you, you, you know, soft launched yourself.
And I think it's gentle.
That's the word I'm looking for.
It sounds like it's just gentle and it's exactly what you need.
What's that really sweet for somebody who says he's not dating.
He's he's been very sweet.
No.
And that's the thing.
I mean, I, my husband was widowed too, you know, and he was, I mean, I was surprised.
I was like, wow.
Like, but there's really quick that's sometimes I was like, what's going on?
But I will say there's been, it's, it's been refreshing because I've never been
married and I'm, you know, I was 40 when we got married and when we got engaged,
I was my 40th birthday and I'd never been married.
There's times it's been pleasant because he's experienced marriage.
He knows the sacrifice that it is, or sometimes I'm the selfish one in the
marriage because I have no experience yet.
He has, he had to, you know, he's had to, you know, he took those vows seriously.
Like till death do you part.
I mean, his wife had cancer and died from cancer.
I mean, he had to take care in sickness and in health and even in all of their
yuck that, you know, it was, it was a toxic marriage.
I'm not, you know, painting it up, you know, I'm not going to sit here and
try to paint it a picture.
It was great for him, but even in the toxicity, like he sacrificed
himself and he served her.
And I'm like, I'm so thankful to that because there's times it's hard for me.
So there is like, sometimes it's just nice.
Like, you know, there's just a softness of being able to kind of have someone
and, you know, just share in the experience.
And again, maybe it's just a friendship that's forming or maybe, you know,
with time we don't know, but I think this is good for you.
I'm excited.
I think to your question, still continue to get to know people.
Sounds like you're working on getting that phone.
So once you do, then we can get you on, on the phone.
And, but I think this is a good pacing.
I think it's been good for you with the steady pace of just
slowly getting yourself out there.
I think this is just that process.
So, you know, you got on the apps on your, on your computer, we're
going to get you on the phone and it's just going to, it's, we're
going to have a smooth transition.
All right.
But I'm so happy for you.
I love this.
I'm going to be sad when you move to phase three, some of you ladies,
like, I love seeing y'all's faces.
And I always know, like I always tell Bethany and Jackie and then I'm like,
I love being a coach in phase two and helping you ladies through your dating.
I said, but sometimes it's really hard for me because I feel like I get
like connections with you ladies.
And then all of a sudden, then you disappear on me.
I am, I do see things in phase three.
So just so you know, I still like, I see posts, I see all those things
and, and I jump in and do the replays and sometimes come to the live
phase, phase three sessions, but just not the same, but it's always, it's
always a pleasure getting to know you ladies and like I said, I'll miss
y'all when you hit to phase three, but by then I get new ladies and it's
just, you know, it's just the circle.
Oh, it's good.
All right.
Well, we are at the two hour mark, so it's been a pleasure.
We didn't get to everything I thought we were going to cover, but I think, you
know, God directed us with where we needed to be and, um, that's why, again,
I'm glad we did the activations at the beginning because sometimes I think we
miss those activations when I, when I, when we sit here and just have a lot
of conversation, but just be thinking about and praying about how to ignite
some of that joy in this season and the holiday season, maybe it, um, buying
a Christmas ornament for your tree to, to activate your faith for marriage.
Maybe it's buying a Christmas gift for your future husband.
Um, maybe blessing somebody, um, that you don't know, or, you know, getting
a bunch of singles together to have a good time, um, at this, at this season.
So, all right, ladies, thank you so much.
I appreciate all of you and I will see you next week.
Don't forget to jump on the live call tonight.
It's a dating game.
You can try to get a little sneak peek of what it's like for
those ladies in phase three.
Okay.
Have a great rest of your day.
I'll see you ladies next week.