All right, ladies, welcome. It's always such a pleasure to be here with you all. It is
December 3rd at 2024. We are doing our one o'clock phase two live check in. If you don't
know me, I'm Carla Johnson. I am one of your coaches here in phase two at last year's single.
It's always such a great honor to be here because I myself went through this program
four years ago. Actually, it's coming on five. I think I've lost count. So it's always such
an honor to be able to come here because I was in this program and I am a success story
and found my spirit mate and I'm now married. So it's always such a pleasure and an honor
to be able to encourage you ladies, you know, share my testimony, share my ups and downs
that I had in my single season before God blessed me with a husband. And I was very
fortunate to connect with Jackie and be part of this group. So like I said, always such
a blessing to be here with you ladies and get to experience this with you and walk alongside
with you in this season and hopes to give you encouragement, faith, hope and just even
just to share just my ups and downs to with it. So and then also being able to be on the
other side of it and express to you ladies how important what you are doing to prepare
now will serve you later. Okay, so first things first, we're just going to go over a couple
housekeeping items and then we'll get on with our teaching for the day and some coaching
questions that you ladies have. So is there anyone that this is their first week and phase
two? I know I've got two of you on. Yes, Jennifer, I was gonna say I hadn't seen you before.
I didn't know if maybe this is the first time coming to one o'clock or if this is just your
first time in general. So it's great to have you here with us. I know some of you are not
on camera. Again, if you are able to come on camera, please do so. Priscilla, thank
you so much. It's your first week here. It's always such an honor and blessing to have
you ladies for the first time. So we just go over a couple of housekeeping items and
then we get into our teaching for the week. So just a few things. Just remember to show
up to these live sessions. When you're in phase two, we have them at two, not two o'clock,
one o'clock Eastern and eight o'clock Eastern Standard Time. It's on Tuesdays. So you'll
be here for about four to five weeks at a minimum. Okay. It doesn't mean that you have
to rush out of here in four to five weeks, but ideally you'll watch one video a week,
which is your training videos. We have five of them. And then after you're done watching
those, after you've done come to lives and spent some time in phase two, getting to know
your sisters in this community and coming to these calls, then you will move on to phase
three. And so when you do that, you'll request that via admin at JackieDorman.com. But that's
only after you've spent a minimum of four to five weeks here, watched all the training
videos, come to some live sessions, showing your face in the app, shared with us what's
going on with your life. Okay. We want to get to know you. And again, like I said, I
was through this program. So I have walked through it and I will attest to the fact that
you will get so much more out of it when you show up and you share what's going on. Okay.
So that's why we emphasize that because it really does help the process. Okay. Also just
a few things. Make sure that you're connecting with your sisters here in community. Okay.
I was in this program early on. And so we did things slightly different, but I will
tell you the number one thing that was super successful was the relationships that I built
in this community. Okay. And I know a lot of you ladies are like, but where are the
men? I want to connect with the men. We don't want to neglect getting to know your sisters
in here. Cause truth be told, a lot of women have met their spirit mates by connecting
with their sisters here in this community, myself included. Okay. One of my sisters in
this community was looking out for me. She saw my husband and his profile in a single
Facebook Christian group. And she's like, Hey, what do you think about this guy? I was
You know, I was at a place in my life where I was kind of like exhausted. I was feeling
disappointment.
I was being discouraged.
I was like, Lord, is this ever gonna happen?
And my sister was looking out for me
and she was able to reach out to him
and he did drop in my DMs after that
and then the rest is history.
I'm not gonna go into too much detail about my story,
but I say this because don't neglect
getting to know the women in here.
They are your sisters for life, okay?
They can be.
You can build relationship there.
Many of the girls that I met in this community
were at my wedding, even in my wedding party.
So there's just all good things
that can come from this group.
So I know it's a little challenging
because our app doesn't allow us to message one another,
but that's why coming to these lives
and connecting with each other here in the lives
and getting to know one another
is a really great way to do that, okay?
And then you can share your email.
You can share your number.
You can text each other.
You can do all sorts of things.
You can friend request each other on Facebook
and you can start building relationship
with the ladies here, okay?
One other thing that I wanna discuss
before moving on the housekeeping stuff
is when you're in the app
and you are replying to one of the coaches,
please make sure you click the reply under the coach's name.
It just helps us give those notifications
and we can get to your responses a little better, okay?
Because a lot of times you post something,
we share some feedback,
we need some more feedback from you,
and then you go in and reply to us.
But if you don't click the reply,
then sometimes we don't get that notification.
We have to like actually go click through a bunch of things.
So we may not get to it as quickly
if you don't hit that reply.
So just keep that in mind when you're in the app.
Curious, I got a few more of you ladies on here.
Curious, just by show of hands,
how many of you have had the opportunity
to watch the recent Supernatural Saturday?
Maybe you were on it live or you've watched it in replay.
So Jill and Lavina and then Summer and Rishka.
Okay, perfect.
Ladies, if you did watch that Supernatural Saturday,
I want you to just take a minute
and maybe post in the chat,
what were some things that really stood out to you
in that Supernatural Saturday?
And while we're waiting for you ladies to respond,
those of you that shook your head like,
no, I haven't watched Supernatural Saturday,
I want you to write down that I want you to go watch that.
Okay, Supernatural Saturdays get recorded every week
and we post them in the replay, all right?
It's important to try to get to those live if you can,
but if you can't, make sure you watch the replay, all right?
Lots of great things happened.
Jackie always releases a great word.
I actually was not able to get live,
but I was listening to it earlier this morning
as I was praying and spending time with Holy Spirit
about what I wanted to share with you ladies
and asking Holy Spirit to speak to me
what He wanted me to share with you ladies today.
And it was so good
because a lot of what Jackie shared on Saturday
were things that I felt the Lord had been speaking to me
when I go into prayer for you ladies.
And so it was just such a reminder and such a confirmation,
just how intentional God is in this community
and what He has for you and what He wants for you ladies.
So please make sure that you go do that.
Thank you, Jill.
So she shared that to be open to God,
leading you to help others,
even if it feels like an interruption,
it can be a way God uses you in others' lives.
Yes, Jill, I got Holy Spirit chills
because I actually thought of you when I heard that.
You were on my call last week on Tuesday
and ladies, I originally was gonna activate you ladies
to do a couple of different things,
but Holy Spirit really pushed me to share last week
the importance of being able to pour into others
in this season.
And Jill posted earlier this week in our community
ways that God was doing that for her.
And I just really felt touched when she shared that.
So when I heard Jackie talking about that today,
I initially was reminded of Jill.
So I love that Jill brought that up
because that was something that was highlighted to me
and why I know that it's God confirmation
that that is something we really need to be practicing.
this season. If you haven't watched her Supernatural Saturday, she touches on that. She calls it
Project Good Cheer, which is something I shared a little bit last week. I shared my own story
of how God led me to a Christmas tradition that I was doing with my son because someone
came and blessed me the first year as a single mom. I was a brand new mom and I was single.
God just blessed me with somebody that just poured into me and my son, and I just made
it a tradition. It was really important. Being able to hear Jackie doing that as well, just
really emphasized how important that is in this season. You'll hear about that, the Project
Good Cheer, and just so many other good things. She touches on God speaking the full circle
of things and what else it was, being open to receiving things that we don't deserve.
She touches on that. I just think it's really important for you ladies to make sure that
you watch it. Summer, she's also shared, it was such a good reminder of how we are going
through things, but someone is always going through something more. Yeah, 100%. There's
always people around us that need something. She shared about how it's biblical. God tells
us to cast our burden on Him, but then it's also biblical to take up other people's burdens,
to help lighten the load for others because there are hurting people in this season and
how important that is and what a great reminder that is in this season. I really, really love
that. Mariska shares, I love when Jackie talked about the friendship and marrying our best
friend. I talk and date a few guys, but now I'm looking for my best friend even more in
depth than ever. That's so true. That spoke to me because I am now married myself and
it's true. My husband is my best friend. He serves me so well. She shared how David went
out and got something from the car. I'm like, oh, it was a good reminder because my husband
does that too. Sometimes I neglect to thank him for that. He really is truly a good friend.
He just reminded me how important it is for me to make sure that I'm being a good friend
to my husband and all people that are around me, making sure that I'm being a good friend
because I know that's part of who God's called me to be is a good friend and how Jesus is
a good friend to us. That was just such a great reminder. Levina, she talks about the
belief that we can have what we think we don't deserve irrespective of our past. Someone
also said that we are pure. Those are all such great things. Thank you, ladies, so much
for sharing that. Be sure to jump on that. I'm going to even touch a little bit on that
today as well. Like I said, I was listening to Supernatural Saturday as I was pressing
into the Holy Spirit. He highlighted some things to me that I want to share with you
ladies today. I just think that's really important. Curious, last week I gave an activation
of self-care. We talked a little bit about just blessing other people, but then also
self-care. I know, Jill, you posted something in the community. I think there was one or
two other people that posted what they did for self-care. I think someone went on a walk
and that's how they just really take time for themselves. It was a really beautiful
picture and I was like, it's so beautiful out. I'm curious how many of you know, I know
a couple of you are brand new this week, so you might be like, what do you mean self-care?
What was I supposed to be doing? Each week when you come to Lives, we try to give you
an activation, kind of like a little homework assignment. It's to start activating your
faith and start partnering with Holy Spirit in this season and what he wants to grow you
in, bless you with, and all that kind of stuff. Last week, I felt really pressed to kind of
have people focusing, you ladies focusing on ways to make sure that you're taking care
of yourself in this season. I'm curious how many of you were able to do that? Just show
a hand that you were able last week to show some ways of self-care. Okay, so Mariska was
able to do that. Jill was able to do that. Do either of you ladies want to unmute and
just short, brief and powerful share with the girls here with us on our Live and that
we'll watch and replay. What was it that you did to practice self-care?
I will. So I got my hair done and I got my nails done and I have been kind of in a funk,
just not really feeling it. And so to make myself feel better for me, you know,
Doing those things starts to make me feel a little better
internally when I do my hair and do my makeup,
things like that.
So I did that.
I also gave myself grace to rest and not go, go, go.
And then even just kind of cleaning my apartment,
just tidying up.
And I really felt like the Lord was asking me to,
when I envision myself in the future with my husband
and our family, what does that Jill look like?
What is her character?
What does she do?
And then align that with what am I doing now?
And is there any pieces missing?
And for me, because I live alone, sometimes I clean,
but I don't always put everything back right away, right?
But if I live with another person, I would,
or I leave laundry folded, but in the basket, it's clean.
And so just, I mean, I'm being real, right?
So I love that.
That was kind of a self care, but also in preparation
and an activation I felt from the Lord is like,
start being that person that you envision now,
start doing some of those things now
and not just when dating somebody.
And then I also joined a fitness thing.
It's called Shred for the Web.
I loved that.
I love seeing that.
That was awesome.
I got such goosebumps when you shared that.
So cool.
Well, thank you so much for sharing.
So yeah, ladies, I want you to just, again,
just kind of press into that.
I'm gonna get you some new activations this week.
And then, so I'm gonna go over those now.
I like to kind of, in the past,
I've been putting the activations at the end of our session.
And I notice that sometimes if we get, you know,
rolling with time and it kind of gets long,
like we kind of miss those activations.
So last week I felt this push
to start giving you these ladies,
these activations early on.
So those that are even watching in replay,
you hear those things first.
And so this week I am gonna kind of touch
on what I shared last week
because I really felt Holy Spirit's present even today.
Cause he spoke to me about some things
that I felt were good for me in my season.
But I also felt that it was important
to share with you ladies as well.
Cause I think it all again goes full circle.
So last week I shared with you ladies
an activation that I did early on in this program.
I joined in 2020, okay.
And that was at the end of like September.
And so that my first Christmas in this community,
I felt led to buy a Christmas ornament
that was an engagement ring.
I hadn't been dating anybody.
I hadn't dated people in like five years.
Like I literally hadn't done that, okay.
And so I joined this community and I, you know,
I was a little bit reluctant on whether or not
marriage was even for me,
but there was so many good things
that I originally was drawn to this community
with the heartwork piece of it.
But I have this strong desire for marriage.
I wanted, I so wanted to be married
because I was 37 when I joined this group.
I think it was 37, I've lost track of time.
It was 37 when I joined this group.
I was never married, but I had a son.
And, you know, I was getting discouraged
that that was ever going to happen for me.
But when I joined this group, it was about heartwork,
but I wanted marriage.
And so one of the ladies that was in this community,
such a great friend, her name is Bridget.
She's actually, she found her husband
and she recently just had a baby,
which again, that in of itself is a story,
but she bought a similar ornament
and I felt drawn to go do the same thing.
And so I put this on my tree as a reminder
that next Christmas I was going to have a husband
or be engaged.
And so I shared with you ladies last week
that my husband didn't come for over two years
being in this program, okay?
So sometimes this ornament was that next Christmas,
this ornament was almost like a reminder
that it didn't happen yet,
but I still activated and put it on my tree.
And so I was thinking about that this morning
and sharing that with you ladies,
was I'm still gonna put this on my tree this year
and here's why, and I felt like God,
this is what.
God really wanted me to share with you ladies is that there was a time in my life early on before
my husband came into my life where being single was a struggle. There was some growing pain. There
was some refining. There was a process that was happening by being in this community and being
single. I'd love to tell you ladies that it was all easy, but Jackie often shares that it doesn't
have to be easy. It has to be worth it. All of God's promises aren't usually going to be very
easy, but they are going to come with the process. I'm reminded that now I have the marriage,
right? I have the ring on my finger, all that kind of stuff. It's a reminder of God's faithfulness
is why I'm putting that on my tree this year because I have to share with you ladies.
Jackie even touches briefly on this in Supernatural Saturday is that we often think that
what we might not have right now in this season that we're wishing for, we're hoping for,
that if we just had that, life would be good. Everything would fall into place. Life would
be perfect. We'd be happy. We wouldn't feel lonely, all that kind of stuff, right?
When the truth is that even in marriage, there's a refining process. There's some
seasons where maybe it's not easy. That's where I'm at in my life right now. I'm blending a family.
My husband and I have been married for one year, three months. I know that because
today my husband sent me a message, happy official being together anniversary. Two years ago today
was when we became what? Official. We were officially a couple. When we officially became
a couple, nine months later, we got married. Officially became a couple on September 3rd
of that following year, we got married. Now I know, okay, that was nine months. We've been
married for a year and three months. Let me tell you, I share this because
we're blending a family. He's got two teenage kids. I got a little boy that just turned nine
a few months ago. We're blending family. We're in a hard season right now where my husband
had a great job, but God pulled him out of that to start an entrepreneurship.
It's not been an easy season. At times, it's really easy for me to focus on the negative,
but I was so reminded and wanted to share with you ladies the importance of keeping positive.
That's what I want to activate you ladies with. I want you to take some time this week
to think back on things that you wished for or you prayed for that God has delivered that promise
to you. Share with us in that community because here's the thing ladies,
if we keep our eyes on what he has done and what he's doing and we're staying positive,
we can shift out of that negative focus. I want you to be thinking about that. What has
shared in our community? What is something that God has done for you in the past? Let it be a
reminder that if he's done it for you in the past, when the enemy wants to creep in
and share with you and remind you, oh, this is the holiday season, you're single,
all that kind of stuff. We talked about last week about how sometimes the season
in Christmas, it's just a reminder that maybe we're single. Ladies, let me tell you,
I was single for 40 years. My husband came right before my 40th birthday,
proposed to me on my 40th birthday, but I was single for that long.
But again, he does deliver on his promises. He is faithful. Be thinking about that.
I also want, now this one might stretch you ladies. I shared the easy activation first because
it's easy for us to remember what God's done for us in the past and share that in their community
because I want you ladies to keep focus of he's done it in the past, he's going to continue to
He's done it in the past. He's going to continue to keep delivering on his promises. Now,
this one is going to stretch some of you.
I want to activate you ladies to go buy a Christmas gift for your future husband.
I won't sit on that one because I know some of you are like,
what? I don't even have a potential guy right now.
That's the point. Because here's the thing, ladies,
because God's going to deliver on this promise for you.
Jackie has shared in the past,
and this happened to me,
is she shares often that we
sometimes don't do things because we still have disbelief.
There's some people in this community that still are
not quite sure they believe that God's going to bring their husband.
But we're going to activate that he is,
and it's going to be stepping into it.
We're going to do something to partner with it.
I'm asking you ladies to go buy a gift for your future husband,
because there's going to be a Christmas,
you're going to have a husband,
and guess what? You're going to get that gift to him.
It's going to be a reminder,
like my ornament is a reminder that God's faithful.
I did this in a season I wasn't dating anybody,
didn't have anybody potential.
I'll even share this.
I wasn't even thinking about sharing this,
but I've shared it before,
and God's just even reminding me because I want,
because I think some of you think this is like,
you're maybe reluctant to go buy a gift for your husband.
Because you're like, yes, I don't know what he wants.
I want you to sit with that,
I want you to pray about it.
It's not going to show you something good to give him.
But I share this because ladies,
I bought my wedding dress before I even met my husband.
I joined this program in 2020,
and then in 2021,
in this community, we did a retreat.
There was 25 of us women in this community.
We all traveled to Austin, Texas.
Jackie took us to a bridal boutique to try on wedding dresses.
There were, I think,
between 7-10 of us that bought our wedding dresses.
That was in 2021.
I didn't get married until 2023.
I wore the dress that I bought.
I did. I had to start believing that I was the bride.
I had to start believing that God had a husband for me.
God was pressing me to do things that seems crazy on the outside.
Some of you all think I'm crazy for
activating you all to go buy a present for your husband
when you don't even know who he is.
Maybe you haven't even met him yet.
I didn't meet my husband,
and I went and bought a wedding dress.
I just want you ladies to start partnering with
the belief that God has a spirit mate for you.
Good? I'm going to go through in some of these.
I haven't checked all these little messages.
I'm going to go ahead and do that.
Mariska, she rested well during the holidays and went dancing.
This is what she did for self-care.
She loves to dance.
Being single is a challenge to find a partner,
but I go trusting God for a partner and he always provides.
I love that.
Love, love, love that.
Let's see. My Christmas tree has been a prophetic tree for
over 20 years and everything I put there came to pass.
Yes, I have a couple ornament on my tree.
Love it, love it, love it.
This should be confirmation, right?
This is good stuff.
God is so good.
A gazillion of passwords that I've entered every day
include bride 2025 words.
Yes, so good, so good, so good.
I love this. So good.
I love it. I love it.
Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Jackie prophesied that someone will meet
her future in December 2024.
I believe that for myself.
Anybody else believe that?
Mariska, I love this because this reminds me of my story.
It was 2022, it was the beginning of November.
I was really discouraged about marriage.
I thought I was going to meet and marry my person in 2022.
Jackie shared with me,
you know what, you're not getting married this year,
but she believed that I was going to meet
my husband before the end of the year.
Ladies, it was November, okay?
Beginning of November, okay?
I was like, yeah, whatever, right?
But she assured me, she was like,
look, borrow my hand.
Borrow my face. It is a week later. My husband dropped into my DMS a
Week later I met my husband before the end of that year
So I love that
You know because I truly believe that because if he can do that for me and my love story
Who's to say he can't do that for any of you?
Right
So I thank you so much for sharing that Mariska because I get like I believe that I believe that there is somebody in our
community if not one but a handful of them were
Some of you some of you ladies are they're gonna are gonna meet your husbands
before the end of the year
So hold on to that
Yes, second time that's been said today. So good. Love it. Let that activate your faith
Let that give you encouragement let that give you hope
Okay, we don't have to be in a down like slump in our holiday season
We can fix our eyes on him the positive things that he's doing know that he's a good father and stay
Positive. Okay, it's super super super important. All right, so your activations
buy a Christmas present for your husband and
I want y'all like share a picture of it
Or at least wrap it and show us a picture of your beautiful wrapping
I don't know about y'all, but I'm a sucker for like
like pristine looking wrapping paper
Before I had three kids and I had more time on my hand. I used to love wrapping Christmas gifts now like I
Have you know?
Aspirations that as the Christmas gifts are coming in for my kids
I want to take time to wrap each and every one of them my goal
I can't promise that's gonna happen
But you know show us pictures of you beautifully wrapped present for your husband and I want to see those pictures
Okay, share with us like what God spoke to you and buying that gift
because I really do think God's gonna highlight something and you're gonna see that when you give it to your husband it was the
Perfect gift for him and then it's gonna be a reminder in your marriage season of just God's faithfulness
You know, I needed that I needed the reminder that God is faithful that's why I'm putting my ornament on my tree
Because I need reminding that you know
If God did God brought that promise that has been for me
Then there's a purpose in our marriage and in our family and in our season of having to you know
Rough out the edgy edges that you know
There's gonna be a testimony in my marriage and in my family with my kids and even though it's not easy
We're gonna have an awesome story to tell of God's faithfulness in this season that I'm in
Okay, cuz Jackie again and that supernatural Saturday
She briefly touches on you know, we all think that the marriage is gonna come in our lives
They're gonna be perfect, but there's hardness and you know, I don't like to say that word often
But there is an and there's a discomfort. There's a growing there's a refining in
Marriage and it just draws out new opportunity for us to grow
Okay, so that's gonna be important to remember
Okay, and that's why heart work is so important because let me tell you you think y'all doing heart work now
wait till you start dating because that's gonna bring out all those little little triggers and stuff and little
Offenses and you're gonna have to apply some heartwork stuff while you're dating and the things that are gonna start coming up
Okay, and then when you ladies get married
And you start living with your husband
And then if you have kids on top of it, it will be all sorts of stuff
Okay, and they're gonna be heart work stuff that you're gonna have to do there, too. All right
All right. Do I have everybody with me every good? How's everybody feeling right now?
Before I jump into some more things I want like if you feel led to kind of share something go ahead and unmute
and
Let us know like how's everybody feeling?
Anybody have some reluctance anybody excited about what I just shared
Let's get talking. Let's get connected
In fact, you know what ladies
God highlighted this to me earlier and I almost forgot about it
But it's important to connect with your sisters here and I touched on it earlier
But our app doesn't make it super easy to do right? We can't like direct message. So if you feel led I
Want you to put your email
Or even maybe your phone number if you are open to someone in this community that's on this chat right now
that you would be open for someone connecting with you,
go ahead and share your info.
See, look, I'm just stretching you ladies all sorts today,
aren't I? Like what?
You want me to buy a Christmas gift for somebody?
You want me to give out my information to complete strangers?
Amy, I love it.
You're laughing with me, I appreciate it.
You're humoring me.
I love it, I love it.
Anybody? Yes, Jill, thank you.
So ladies, Jill is open to you connecting with her.
She's got her email, she's got her phone number.
If you want to shoot her a text, reach out to her.
Levina, she's got her email.
Jennifer, she's got hers.
Summer, yes, let's start connecting with your sisters here.
Let's start building relationship because here's the thing.
You know, I'm gonna just briefly touch
on our Dating 101 video.
And sometimes we get into phase two
and some of us aren't ready to start dating
or, you know, we're working on it.
And, but it doesn't mean
that we can't start practicing connection
with community and people.
That's why I think it's so important
to go ahead and do that.
So look, look at you, Priscilla's got her info up.
Amy, Mariska, she's got her info.
So ladies, jot some of these down.
You know, you don't have to jot them all,
but if God's highlighting a certain one to you,
go ahead and do that.
Shoot a text.
Hey, I was on the live call today.
Would love to connect.
Would love to pray for you.
Would love to get to know you better.
All right.
We put you in phase two and we start asking you
to come out of hiding and start dating, right?
And I know myself, it took me a year to like start dating.
I wouldn't advise that, but that's what took me for a while.
But I still was able to put other things in practice.
And I use this community of women,
of people I didn't know to start building connection.
And like I said, many of the women
that I met in this community were in my wedding.
They were in my bridal party.
They came to my wedding.
I still stay connected with.
I would, even before I met my husband,
we would, I would travel with my youngest son
and I would meet other women.
I also at the time lived in Florida.
So women would come down and visit me
and I would just connect and I would get,
I would do real life with them.
I would go out to lunch with them.
I went to an Atlanta Braves baseball game
with a couple of the ladies.
I wasn't, I didn't even live in Atlanta,
but I was visiting.
I was taking my son on a trip to the mountains.
And then we decided to stop in Atlanta for a few days.
I stayed with, actually stayed with one of the ladies
in this community.
We never met.
Actually, we did meet on a retreat, but she had two kids.
And so me and my son went and stayed with her.
We had such a great time.
Our boys became friends.
Like my son still talks about her son, Aiden,
like, hey, how's he doing?
So it's good to start putting into practice
this connecting with one another in community.
Because here's your sisters that are doing this season
of singleness and life with you.
And then as you get to know each other,
then y'all are gonna start realizing
y'all start gonna get married
and then you're gonna go do married life with each other.
Okay, me and Bethany were in the community together
and she and I are both married.
And there's times that I reach out to her
when I'm like, needing advice
or needing perspective on my marriage.
And she's able to kind of share and pour into me
and we help each other out in that way.
Like you want to do life with people.
I know Jackie even shared with that.
Did she share with her on this Supernatural Saturday?
Maybe it was on one of her social medias about,
God put us together to do life in community with people
and have relationship with people.
That was his divine plan.
Was relationship, not just with your husband,
but with people in general and community.
All right, so I love that ladies.
So make sure that you connect
with one of your sisters here.
So Dating 101, if you watch that video
or refer back to when you watch that video,
we talked a little bit about the levels of relationship.
So I'm briefly just gonna touch on a few of those.
So level one is that meeting and community.
So all you ladies right here now
are all in level one relationship with each other.
You're in community with one another.
You're gonna start reaching out
and you're gonna get to know one another, okay?
So you're in level one with these ladies.
Then level two dating, it doesn't, it's the.
Um, level two is when you actually are officially like dating people.
Okay.
And that can be men and women.
So this is still level two is still a platonic stage.
So a lot of you ladies are going to, to, to, um, be stretched here.
I mean, I'm going to try to see how I want it.
You're going to be stretched in this season because what we teach here in
last year's single is when you're in level two relationship, okay.
And you're going out on dates with guys.
So we consider live date your face to face or a video date would
be a level two relationship.
I'm going to stretch.
Some of y'all here is this is a level where you're still resisting romance.
This was new for me when I came into this program confession, when I
would go on a date with people, I often kiss people on the first date.
I got romantic real quick with guys that just knew.
And this program helped me realize that I was, you know, kind of
exhilarating a little too fast and trusting people with more things that
probably need to be shared with someone that you have built relationship with.
I was doing that too soon.
So this doesn't mean that you're not going to talk about your life in detail.
It just means you're going to learn to talk about more high level versions,
something that are more personal, personal pieces, but on a higher
level of, um, getting to know you.
Okay.
You're not going to get into that intimacy of like really getting
into the nitty gritty of things.
Okay.
We talk about, you know, getting, not getting into the weeds with somebody,
not digging into the X files, not, you know, oversharing.
Okay.
I was an overshare.
That was, I was notorious for that.
So keep in mind that you can have, you're going to have level two
relationship with men and women.
So when you approach dating, you don't have to look at it from a
perspective of, is this guy, my husband?
You know, is this someone that I'm like super duper attracted to?
And I can't wait to make out with his face.
Okay.
All right.
We're going to resist that.
We're going to really get to know and be intentional with getting to know
people and see, okay, do we have things that do I enjoy being with this person?
Do I have fun?
Can I laugh?
Can I talk about, you know, things that I enjoy?
Do, can I do activities with this person and have a good time?
Okay.
We do that with women.
So why can't we do that with men?
Okay.
It takes the pressure off.
I will tell you, I didn't do this perfectly when I was in this program.
Okay.
But I share it because I do think it's important to be reminded and to
be keeping intentional with that.
Okay.
Doesn't mean that if you made a mistake, you can come share it with us.
We're not going to like, you know, get on you and be super harsh on you.
We're just going to, again, it's just going to be a way of reminding
and saying, okay, this is why.
Because then we start seeing and pulling in the pieces because let me tell you
ladies, when we start doing some of the things like getting in the romance,
things start getting a little mucky.
All right.
And we have these learning experiences.
It's a growing process.
So just know we're not going to do it perfectly, but let's keep that
in mind as we go into level two.
And then level three is where it's exclusive.
Okay.
That's where we are now dating just one person.
And we encourage that you at least have a month, if not a little more in the
discovering dating stage, that level two stage of getting to know somebody before
you jump into level three, no matter how magical and perfect it seems.
Oh, but it's just like, it's like, he's my person.
Like, oh, we just have such a connection.
Let's resist some of that exclusivity early on.
Let's really give it at least a month, if not more.
Also jot this down.
We really encourage men to lead into level three.
Okay.
We talk a lot about, you know, we can drop a hanky.
We can let guys know that we're interested, that we'd be open
to getting, you know, on a date.
Okay.
You know, a lot of us are like, but I want to be pursued.
No, there's gotta be some like reciprocation.
You can drop the hanky after the first date, then we want to
see the man initiating more.
Okay.
You're going to let them know after the first date, if you had a good time and
would be open to doing it again, you're going to let them know at the end of the
date, then when you connect, maybe later on that day or, you know, the next day,
when y'all are then like calling each other on the phone, or maybe
you're texting one another.
You're going to remind him like it was really fun. I would love to do that again sometime.
Okay, don't always rely on what I told him I'd be interested in going out again
at the end of the date. I mean, there's all sorts of like
butterflies and jitters and first date kind of like, you know, don't assume that he believed
that you really did want to go on a second date. Okay. If you were like me before this
artwork and before last year single, I just said it because I thought it was the thing you said,
even if I didn't want to go out on a date with a second date with a guy.
Oh, you had a good time. Thanks. Yeah, we could do it again sometime
with no intention of actually going on a second date. So again, if women are doing that,
the guy might not be sure that you really do want to go on a second date. So it's okay.
The next day or the next time you communicate to remind him you'd be open to doing it again.
And then we want them in initiating. Okay, let them put something together. Okay.
But you do that level two. And then as you've gotten to know each other,
then again, that man initiating, hey, I really have gotten like he's going to come to me like,
I want to be exclusive. I just want to date you again. Those are things share with us in
the community, share with your coaches here when that happens, because we're going to help you see
if it's yellow or green flags, because there are times that men want to just like love,
bomb you and rush you into an exclusive relationship. When we want to make sure
that you've spent time getting to know them before you agree to jumping into that level three.
Okay. Or maybe some of you are like, you know, I, he's, he, you know, I just,
I only want to date him and he hasn't asked me come with us with all of the, all the tidbit.
Okay. So that I think that's about it for the levels of dating that I'm going to cover.
And then let's play a show of hands before I dive into a few more things.
How many of you have questions that you want some coaching on today?
Go ahead, anybody just show of hand to your avatar hand. I want to go ahead and get,
start getting those avatar hands up. I like to get an idea of how many people
I have because I want to be mindful of time. Okay. So Jill, right now, she's one that's got
a question. I know some of you newbies might be like, Oh, I don't want to be in the hot seat.
It's totally fine. This is, this phase two is a smaller group so that you do get more
one-on-one coaching because as you progress in this community, we have a bigger community.
And so it's harder to get in front of the coach and get more one-on-one
like pointers and tips of things that you're experiencing. Okay. So Holly, she's got one as
well. Hey Mariska, I got encouraged to continue dating apps because I met a guy who went to the
same dance event that I went to last month and there was no other way we would meet.
He is part of a different dance group. We have a date tomorrow. Awesome. I love that. So Mariska,
you have to make sure that you come into the app and you need to let us know how that date goes.
I want all the deets. All right. We want to know. We want to be here to support you and
celebrate with you. And then ladies, we ask that of you because then if there are any blind spots
or yellow flags or green flag, we can communicate that with you. Okay. All right. So Jill and Holly,
I'm going to do things a little differently. I'm going to go ahead and pause my teaching and then
I'm going to let the two of you share your questions. And then we're going to come back
after that. And I'm going to touch on a couple of things. I want to share with you a little bit
about it being a yes until it's a no. Okay. So we're going to talk a little bit about that. What
we mean by, what do you mean it's a yes until it's a no. So in terms of dating, what that looks like,
I also want to talk a little bit about this idea. I see this, I've seen this the last couple of
weeks, this idea that we're wasting time on dates with the person that's not our husband.
So want to talk a little bit about that perspective and let's shift that perspective
a little bit. And then the tying in with this idea of, you know, focusing all on
where are the men at? I want to meet more men. When's Jackie going to introduce me to somebody?
You know, where
Where can I meet guys? I mean, the whole like, where are the men at? All right.
Cause I trust me.
I know there's some of you ladies that that's all you want to know.
I know some of you don't even want to do online dating because you're holding
out that Jackie's going to match you with somebody. Cause that was me.
I held out for a year from dating. Cause I was like,
surely she's got somebody that she's going to introduce me to. All right.
I was holding out.
So I want to talk a little bit about that and,
and help us look at some other perspectives about what else this community can
bring, not just the man. And so help balancing that shift.
So those are the things that we're going to share.
I'm going to talk about a little bit later, but Jill,
what do you have for us this week? What's going on? You've got a question,
a comment. What's, what did, what coaching do you need?
So, um,
I felt leaving from the Holy spirit to start going on and trying dating apps
again. Um,
I have never once got a date from them in the past,
but God is trying to challenge, you know,
I'm not the same person I was. Um,
and then I was feeling a lot of heaviness right after I had signed up.
Cause like I haven't paid for some big, you know, not a lot,
but just a couple just to be like, okay, let's really go in.
I only did three cause I know we're only supposed to do,
or you suggest that we only do a couple just to kind of, you know, keep it.
Challenges I have is I don't feel like I am, um,
geographically where I meant to be with these, um,
apps. There's only a radius of a hundred,
150 or max 240 miles in the past.
I have run out of matches. Um,
so I have opened up certain things beyond what I did before.
Um, but I will be very honest that I don't feel like this is how I'm going to
meet my husband. Um, but again,
God is challenging me by reminding me that, um,
I feel called to be a community builder, um,
in the future and to be open.
So I work from home and I don't interact with a lot of people.
So to take this as an opportunity to just relearn how to have small talk,
which I'm not good at, and I don't enjoy, but how do you,
I think you're so hold on.
I think you're good at it because I feel like this is your second week and you
do that. Well, you interact and you're engaging.
So I would disagree, but I think you're,
I think you're great at it.
Well, thank you. So, but you know, especially with men,
I live in a smaller town where there's not a lot of single men around my age.
Um, so there's a lot of like,
it's going to take a God miracle for things to happen for me.
Um,
especially since where I feel like he's leading me as cross country and there's
no open doors right now. So with all of that,
I'm trying to lean into, um,
if I feel like I'm supposed to be a community builder,
how do I just get to know people,
strangers and just be open to them and know that,
um, you know, one of these men could be friends just like you, is it right?
Could be friends with someone or a cousin or, you know,
one of these ladies could know somebody, you know, or whatever,
but I can at least get to know other people and, um,
a very positive thing and not to take up too much time. I'm sorry, ladies,
I know I'm being long-winded. Um, but I,
so I started and I was able to hold some boundaries of like,
you know, I don't want to just answer all day long on these apps.
So between nine and nine are my window,
but when I'm working, I'm not going to stop unless I'm on a break,
like I would at lunchtime or after 5.00 PM. Um,
and someone said, Hey, can I like call you?
And, um, he asked me yesterday afternoon and I gave him a specific time.
He misunderstood the time zone. And I said, Oh, I'm sorry.
And I didn't just change my plans, which normally I would.
So that's good. Um,
but I guess I'm saying all this cause I'm like, this is what I'm doing. Um,
what are your thoughts?
Or if you have any impressions from the Lord that you want to share,
I guess, yeah.
I I'm so appreciative that you come because there was a lot of really good
things that I heard in your sharing.
And I think it's really teachable for many of the ladies that are on this call
and that will watch this and replay. So again, ladies,
I want you to hear that, you know,
she's being open and not just using this platform
or this way of.
connecting with people as a, I'm just trying to meet my husband,
but being more open of, okay,
what else does God want to do in what he's,
you know, kind of pressing me on,
even though she doesn't feel like she's going to meet her husband online.
Okay.
So I think that's really positive and that it's helping you put into practice
some of the things that we're teaching here of having the small talk,
getting to know people, the boundaries.
So y'all listen to what she said.
Like she's learned a boundary where she's communicating, Hey, I,
I'm not going to be on these apps.
I'm not going to be communicating unless it's between this time and this time.
And I'm not working and only when I'm on break.
So she's balancing that real well.
And that's important because I will tell you ladies,
I didn't do that at first when I went online,
like I got overwhelmed very easily.
That's also why I encourage only doing like one to no more than three apps
because it can get overwhelming,
especially if you're kind of on the fence about doing online dating.
If you're on the fence and then you start like having it consume your life,
you're going to be like, okay, I don't want to do this.
So it's important to have those boundaries.
I'm only going to do,
I'm only going to spend two hours on this day, this day, and this day.
And it's going to be from this time to this time.
I'm going to interact with people. I'm going to, you know,
set boundaries if I'm going to reach out to them and that, you know,
when I'm going to have conversation with them,
because what's going to happen and I don't know about y'all,
but I know it happened to me.
So I'm pretty sure it's going to happen to all y'all is that I would get dudes
that would message me all day long.
I'm like, Oh, this is exhausting. Right. And I don't know you,
you're going to have, you know, men, men are not going to do this.
Well, just like us women don't always do it. Well, I mean, here's the thing.
We have a community and you all have coaches to help you with this dating
process. I will tell you a lot of these guys don't.
So you're going to find that some men are going to want to have the
inappropriate conversations with you.
They're going to want to dive into the X files.
They're going to want to know why you're single.
They're going to want to talk about their exes.
Some of them are even going to talk about sex. We're like, no,
we're not doing that. Okay.
That's when we're going to start learning boundaries.
And that's why it's really important ladies.
And so I love Jillian that you are bringing this up because this really does
touch on a lot of things that I was going to go into teaching anyway.
And unfortunately I see that Holly jumped off.
So I wonder if she's going to be back on,
because I want to make sure I make space for you ladies that want to ask
questions or share things that there's time to do that. Okay. Mariska,
she also has a question, so we'll get to that as well.
But Jillian brought up a lot of really good things that I think are good
things to have in perspective because she's putting things into
practice. Her focus isn't, is this guy, my husband,
where are all the men at? You know,
it is really like,
how can God use what he's pressing me to do now to grow
me into who he has created me to be?
She's finding other purpose and opportunity.
And I think that's so important because I can't emphasize
enough that oftentimes God
may bring not the right people that you're, I mean,
I shouldn't say that.
Let me take that back because I don't like the way this is being worded.
He may bring into your path other men
that are not your spirit mate, not because he's holding out on you,
but because he wants you to grow into things. Okay.
So let me explain that. Okay.
So for myself,
I, I had, you know, a handful of dates. Okay.
And again, this is the, I don't want to wait, like, let's, we're going to this.
I don't want to waste my time. Right. Oh, I don't want to get to know him.
I can already tell he's not my person. This is where, again,
it's a yes until it's a no. Okay.
When we say that we're like, give men second and third dates.
Okay.
We're not saying if he is like crossing all sorts of boundaries and he's being
absolutely inappropriate,
obviously there's situations of blessing and blocking.
But sometimes we are so quick to be like, well,
he doesn't go to church. So he's not for me.
Ladies. When I met my husband,
I was not religiously going to church every Sunday. Like I used to.
kind of pulled me from that for a little while
because he was doing some other things than me.
Okay, so just because a man's not going to church
doesn't necessarily mean that he's not,
you know, has a relationship with God.
I say all of this to emphasize that
there is sometimes a growing process.
God brought me some really not great guys
in my dating process that were inappropriate,
that I learned very quickly that I'm like, ugh.
But I didn't look at it as a negative.
I didn't look at it as a disgust.
I looked at it as, thank you, God,
that I'm no longer attracted to that.
Thank you, God, that I now have tools to hold boundaries.
Thank you, God, for showing me
that I'm no longer attracted to those type of men
because I was.
I was always being drawn to those guys,
but God was, like, I had a few of those trickle in,
but as a reminder that I was not attracted
to those same type of men.
And as I started recognizing that,
God started bringing other men to date that were good men.
All right, I dated a handful of guys that were good men,
some from this program, some from not,
some from online dating that weren't my person,
but they were still good guys.
And I could have been like, ugh,
this is just a waste of my time, he's not my person.
No, God showed me that I was starting
to attract what I believed.
He was showing me the goodness
that there were good guys out there.
And as I was healing and as I was learning more
about myself, good guys started becoming attracted to me.
I'm not saying, I don't hear what I'm not saying here.
It means like, oh, you're not good enough,
that's why some of these bad guys are coming.
No, okay, but there are opportunities
that if we start seeing patterns, we can recognize.
Okay, so yes until it's a no,
put the things into practice, it's investing time,
it's not wasting time.
So Jill is looking at this opportunity
of she's getting to know people
and it's helping her become a community builder.
It's helping her put into practice other things
that are going to prepare her for other things
that God has in her life.
That's not just about being a wife.
Because ladies, there's more to you
and your destiny DNA and your purpose
than just being a wife.
Your identity isn't just gonna be in being a wife
or being a mom.
There's other things that God has you on this earth to do
and his purpose for, all right?
Yes, God brings two of us together
because there are certain things in life
that God wants two people walking through
and I do believe that's why he is the divine plan
is marriage, but it's an investment, okay?
And we're looking at it that way.
So I love that.
Another thing, Jill, that you mentioned
was the distance thing.
So help me understand.
You said that some of these apps
don't let you expand your radius.
Like I'm curious what apps you're using
because I've always seen where it can open up.
I was someone who did not want today.
I wanted it to be super local.
But I do know there's a lot of women out there
that are open to long distance
because I do think if you don't know geographically
this is where you're gonna stay,
that you probably aren't open to long distance
and would like to broaden.
So I'm curious and maybe we can get some feedback
from some other ladies here in the community
that are on apps that maybe they have experience
with having a larger radius.
I'm using Hinge, Facebook dating and eHarmony.
Okay.
Facebook dating doesn't have that?
It has 240 miles.
Can I ask where do you live again?
I live in a small town outside of Chattanooga, Tennessee.
So it's a lot of other small towns.
Okay.
I don't, I just know that this is,
I would never moved here to stay here long-term.
Okay.
It's a short-term thing.
So definitely don't want, but it only goes to,
it does go a wide range of like Alabama,
parts of Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina,
up to Kentucky and all of that.
But it's just, this is not supposed to be,
like I just know.
So I'm open because there may be somebody who isn't.
the same place. But I know in my heart, this is not where God has for me. And it's a lot
of the same guy in this region of the country as well. And I guy. So again, I know some
of them like when you when you travel, it then matches you with people that are where
you're geographically located. So let's say, okay, so I live in Texas now, and the Dallas
Fort Worth area, if I was on a dating app, and I, you know, went on a vacation to California,
and I'd log into my app, it would start matching me with people in the California area.
I can't. But here's the thing is, I don't want to change it to the place because I don't
know the exact city where God's calling me that I can. Yeah, I don't want to change it
there because I'm not there. I don't know when I'm going to be there. So I don't want
to be the man. So I think what you're doing now, though, is the fact that you have this
mindset that you're being open. And then, like you even mentioned, you never know who
you're going to meet that may be connected. Same thing like that's why I had you ladies
put your information, your contact information and start connecting with one another because
you never know how God is going to connect you to your spirit mate. So I think you're
doing the right thing. You're keeping the positive attitude. You're keeping that mindset.
You're not getting discouraged just because you're, you know, I mean, I'm sure it can
be discouraging that you're meeting the same type of guy. But I think, again, just being
reminded that this is all an opportunity. God is growing you. God is highlighting things
to you. That's why, ladies, it's so important to constantly have that intimacy with the
Lord and having him lead and direct you. Because here's the thing, as coaches, we can give
you advice. We can, you know, Holy Spirit can speak through us. But at the end of the
day, you all have the ability to listen and hear from God. And it's important to keep
that relationship solid and oppressed into that. Now, God can use us coaches. He can
use the women in this community to speak into that. But it's important to, again, just to
continue to seek him as you navigate what we encourage you to do here. Okay. But I think
you're doing great, Jill. This is what your second week. Yeah.
So keep praying. Cause I feel like I'm supposed to go to Southern California.
So crazy. I lived there before. Don't know how I'm going to get back. So if you think of me,
I see familiar faces from phase one. So I'll be praying. I know at least one of these girls
is looking to relocate as well. So, yes, absolutely. And I will even say there's,
you know, some of you don't want to relocate, but God's going to relocate you.
That was my story. Cause I'm going to say it cause you did it to me. You might be able to do
that to you too. I was so, you can ask, y'all ask Jackie. I was like headstrong about staying
in Florida. And early on, she felt the Lord told her I wasn't going to stay in Florida,
but she didn't press the issue with me. She allowed God to move in my heart.
You know, she would put things out there here and there, but you know,
it was, it was an act of God. It was a miracle that I got out of Florida. I, you know, my husband
was in Texas. So yeah, good, good, good stuff. All right, Holly, I'm so glad you got back. I,
first I thought I lost you and I was like, Oh no, I didn't get to your question. So what, what's,
what's going on? Talk to us. Can y'all hear me? Yes. Okay. I'm at work. I'm a teacher and I live
in Chattanooga. I'm actually on signal mountain. Jill. So we need to get together sometime.
So I had posted something, just asking for encouragement and prayer in the chat
and the group tech and the group app. I don't have the warmest, best family situation. I've
been through a lot different types of abuse and trauma that I've worked through in counseling.
And this, the holidays can be lonely, especially when you have a family that's not very, doesn't
know how to show unconditional love. I was almost estranged by my family four years ago, almost
disowned by my family four years ago. I was estranged because of coming forward about some
abuse and family counseling. And yeah, so I'm just kind of rebuilding my friendship network,
just praying for more Christian female friends.
are like-minded. I'm an artist. I'm real involved in the arts and so I've had a lot of
not like-minded, like-minded spiritual friends and anyway, so I've, I don't know, God's been
moving and answering prayers. I've, I'm doing some seasonal work as teaching drama for elementary
kids over the break and just got hired to be a sitter for a woman during Christmas week in the
mornings and then, sorry, those are our school announcements. Oh, you're good. I'm so sorry.
You're going to have to sit through Hicks and High's school announcements. I was a school
teacher for a number of years, so I totally get it. Yeah, and then today, I'm also involved in
film acting. I just joined the Nashville Filmmakers Guild because I was in a Christmas movie that
comes out in December with Great American Family. I was featured background and really was drawn to
the people of Nashville and there's a lot of Christian artists moving there and yeah, and
then I found this film work, this film weekend conference in January that I want to go to. A lot
of Christians are speaking at it involved with The Chosen and The Best Christmas Pageant Ever and
I feel like God is just like giving me a vision beyond Chattanooga because Chattanooga is a hard
place to date. It is a hard place to be almost 48 with no children of your own and not be in
those kind of circles in terms of churches and community and so I feel like he's just like
wanting me to open up and look beyond the city and who knows, I might meet some Christian
filmmaker guys at this conference and with the Nashville Filmmakers Guild, so
realizing I need to be more open and just trust that he's gonna provide family for me because I
know he says the lonely and family but at Thanksgiving, no one spoke to me at the dinner
table except for my two nieces and so they just kind of like go through the motions with me. It's
very duty oriented and it was that way at my father's birthday party, no one spoke to me for
three hours. It was just a lot of small talk and I was basically just there for pictures for
Facebook. Yeah, I remember seeing your post and sharing with you. I'm so thankful that you came
to live. Yeah, this is my planning time so I'm gonna make like I put it in my calendar to like
schedule to come to this on Tuesdays at one because this is what I don't have.
I love that. So yeah, I think it's good and it looks and honestly to me, you know, you're talking
and you know, you were sharing about wanting to make connection and Jill was sharing the same
thing and look, look how God is moving. The two of you are in like the same area. I know.
How God is that ladies? Like let that be an encouragement, you know, and Holly, I think this
is so therapeutic for you because you know, I know you shared in detail just some of the
background in your past and your family and yeah, it can be hard. It can be hard when we come from
backgrounds like that and I just want to again, I just want to continue to encourage you to not
align and partner with the hard and not to and I think I shared this on the post of his Jackie
oftentimes has brought up this analogy before and it's always spoke to me not just in regards to my
family but people in general is that we can sit next to a glass of poison and we don't get poison
unless we choose to pick it up and drink it and I and I just again like I just felt that and I know
I shared that with you of you know, it's we can sit here and align with the you know, this is how
people treat me and this is the hardness and no one you know, they're they're just doing this to
you know, look pretty on Facebook, but we don't want to align with that and start just
constantly partnering with that like we can recognize it. I think it's important. Yeah,
I don't feel like I partner with it. I agree for what it is and I see it for what it is
and you know, just practice that I grieve that loss of where my family is and how broken it is
and this is where heart work will be good for you. I think going back to your heart workbook
and asking the Lord to reveal things to you in that in in what those memories are and how and
again practicing forgiveness through it and I know
Sometimes that's so hard when people just really hurt us,
but practicing that, but then also having the faith
and the dream and the prayer
that God is going to reconcile family for you.
Yeah.
I believe in the wills that may.
And he's gonna bring your family and your marriage.
Yeah, I really believe that.
I mean, my family's that I can pray for them,
but they have free will, you know,
I can't make decisions for them.
I can't change the way they view me.
I do have a good counselor.
I've been in counseling my whole life
and have healthy boundaries,
but my mom struggles with narcissism
and verbal and emotional abuse
and is not an empathetic person.
So I've learned she's not a good person
to look for for comfort and for validation
because she's been through a lot herself.
Yeah.
Well, I love that you just, you brought that up.
Like you, you're recognizing your mom.
And so you kind of know the boundaries
that you need to hold for yourself with your mom.
But then this last piece that you just shared
that resonates with me is you recognize possibly the why
because maybe she's been through some of that.
And that was something when I was in this community,
I worked through as well with people in my past
that were hurtful to me,
that God walked me through this heart work
to, you know, practice forgiveness.
And he brought me to a place of compassion
with some of these people.
And I mean, again, it's recognizing that's,
that's where they're at.
It has nothing to do with me individually.
It's just where they're at.
And I can still keep healthy boundaries.
Like you can still keep healthy boundaries,
but just recognizing that your mom
maybe went through some stuff.
Oh, she did.
My aunt has shared about her dad.
And just recognizing, you know what,
she may never choose to work on it or whatever,
but you just, you can recognize it.
And again, like I was reminded,
because I had a situation that happened to me in my past
where I was, I had a lot of anger and bitterness
and just frustration.
And it was somebody that I actually
had to have a relationship with.
I couldn't avoid them,
but I had to learn how to practice healthy boundaries.
And in that season and walking through the heart work
early on when I joined this community,
God gave me a sense of just awareness and having compassion
because Jesus has compassion.
And I remember being like,
but I don't want to have compassion for this person.
They hurt me.
But it was a different compassion.
It was an awareness and a learning.
And it helped me not stay stuck in the negative
and the poor is me, woe is me, that sort of sense.
Because that sometimes can creep in too.
Because the enemy will want to use.
I was definitely feeling sorry for myself this weekend
just because that was who I mainly spent,
I pretty much spent time with, was with family.
With family, that's not been nice to you, right?
Yeah, and they kind of pretty much ignored me.
And that happened at my birthday last year.
So I'm not, I'm choosing not to celebrate
with my family this year.
Yeah, so see, you're learning these tools of,
okay, like I don't like how I'm feeling here.
You're recognizing it and saying,
okay, next year, I'm not going to do that.
I'm going to make it a joyful experience.
So you're on the right path.
And I just, again, like I just applaud you
and I'm thankful to you that you're coming to the community
and sharing this stuff because it can be vulnerable
in the group sometimes,
especially when we don't know people.
And I just, again, I want to applaud you
and thank you for coming and sharing this.
And I want it to encourage you
that you have community here.
You have people loving and caring about you here
and are praying for you.
Yes, I need more sisters in Christ in my life.
I've been kind of isolated the past four years
from close friendships with sisters.
I've been friends with people who aren't believers
or just kind of more progressive than me.
And now you have this community here
where you're going to start making connection here.
I'm telling you, this community
didn't just bring me my husband,
like my husband was the bonus piece, all right?
That was just, but there was so much more
that I got by being in this community
that I can't even emphasize.
enough to you ladies just what a blessing this community is when we show up and we you know
show up share life and walk through and do the things that us coaches share with you because
I'm telling you I did it I got so many great friendships from it I got a deeper intimacy
with the Lord that I never I never thought I needed but there was just constant upgrades
constant growth and it's just going to continue and so ladies I love like Holly again thank you
for sharing because I think you the the women need to hear that that you know this isn't just
about finding the husband this isn't just a hey is Jackie going to introduce me to somebody or
is there a a match for me when are we going to have like you know how when when do I get in
front of the men here in this community it's so much more there's so many different opportunities
so Holly I'm going to jump over to Mariska's question because we are coming up on almost
an hour and a half and I want to be mindful of all you all of your time and I know Mariska had
a question of when we talk to several guys at the time frame how many guys at the same time is it
okay to talk to this is a good question so I always say so each of you are going to be
different okay some of you are going to find that maybe two or three is all you have the capacity
for I would say generally that's more ideal two to three guys at one time because they're going
to just kind of ebb and flow excuse me and it's gonna there's going to be seasons of where it's
like oh it's raining men and then it's like okay there's a drought here okay there's an ebb and
flow of it so I always say you know a couple at a time is totally fine it just depends some of you
may be able to handle four or five guys at one time I personally could not do that I was also
a single mom as well so it mean my life didn't you know lend it to that some of you have busier
lives some of you have jobs that are more time-consuming some of you may or may not have
children so it's going to look different but I say a good rule of thumb is you know two or three at
a time and again you could hope that you're having two or three at a time but maybe there's just one
guy right now but you're not in a level three you're just in that level two getting to know
but you're still on the app you're still community or if you're on the apps you're still going to
you know be out and open to meeting people and conversing like you're going to still swipe
you're going to still reach out when guys message you or you know maybe you're not on the apps but
maybe you've got you know you're out in community you're an active in an activity group and you're
just gen you're just continuing to meet people you're sharing with your friends that you're
open to meeting so you may be dating or getting to know one or two guys and a friend's like hey
I have this person or you're at an event or at a concert or maybe you're at a singles event with
your church or maybe you're just on the greeting committee at church and you happen to meet
somebody you never know I would say two to three people but again it's it's not always going to be
a set number you kind of have to leave that to the lord sort of thing and I know sometimes you
can be dating two or three and one you're like really interested in and then there was one maybe
you're not so interested in and all of a sudden you spend time with both of them where the guy
that you were super interested at first you start realizing like maybe we're not compatible like
maybe this isn't going to work and the person that maybe you would have probably axed right away
starts growing on you and you start realizing hey this is someone I really enjoy getting to know
I know I think that happened with Bethany when she met Brian she was actually talking to a couple
people at one time and she liked Brian he was the nice guy but she didn't think he was a top
contender she thought another guy was and then as she kind of got to know this guy she realized
her destiny DNA wasn't aligned with him you know Bethany has a calling on her life to ministry
that's just been at her part of her destiny DNA and she knew it was important for her to have
someone that was going to have a matching destiny DNA that was called to ministry and while at first
Brian wasn't something that she thought was a top contender she learned more and more that he had
this minute he was a minute he was a pastor and so and she started learning more about him and
he started rising to the top and it was very evident that that was it so that's why we
again we share with you ladies it's a yes until to know we remove the romance in level two we're
getting to know several people at one time okay two to three
If more if you have the capacity to do so and again, we're not looking at you know
is this my husband but a
How does God want to use the season of life that I'm in to grow me into the bride that I know
He's called me to be but let's be open to what that season looks like
cool
Just make sure I did not speak with my family
Okay, so Mariska sharing that she didn't speak with her family for over 10 years and after her heart was healed God
Reconnected me with them and it's amazing how I can speak with the same people now and no pain is there but love and compassion
It was a blessing to say happy 87th birthday to my dad healing is real
I cannot thank you enough for this ministry and Jackie. That's exactly what I was sharing Mariska
I don't think Holly's on now, but maybe she'll catch this in replay
But that's and and new ladies that are here listening in and are watching and replay as well
I think that's so important this program is
first
about heart work
It's first about heart work
And I know a lot of us come in because we just want the husband because we think that's gonna just make our life
Better than what it is now. I'm not saying it won't because marriage is a gift
you know, there's gonna be blessings that come from it, but
There's so much more
There's a heart work process. There's other things that God wants to grow in us and
refine
And if we focus on what God is doing and can do and what he has done again those
Activations what has God done in your life in the past?
What blessings has he brought? What what did you I love that saying and my sister-in-law has this in her bathroom is I
remember
The time that I prayed for the things that I have now
What did you use to pray for that you didn't have them but God brought that to you now and
let's share that in the app this week and
Focus on if he did it then he can do it now
He's gonna bring me that promise
I'm gonna activate my faith. I'm gonna go buy a
Christmas present for my future husband, even though I don't know who that is
and I'm gonna be
Reminded that God is faithful and he is good and he's working on me now
Because he knows the season I'm going into
He knows ladies. He knows what who your husband is
He could he knows the areas that you and your husband are gonna help refine and an iron sharpen
sharpens iron he's he knows
What stuff is gonna be refined in that marriage?
He's gonna know
What what that looks like and he's gonna work on you now so that when you step into that season you're prepared
Ladies I cannot tell you I had no clue what marriage was gonna look like for me
It's not what I'm in now
I mean if I could have thought what marriage was gonna look like before I met my husband
It wouldn't be what I'm going through now
And I say that I'm not saying that as a negative way. I'm saying it as a just God knows. I
Mean y'all I've shared this before I have three children. I have two bonus children who are teenagers
And who I was not prepared for teenage years, I don't feel like I was prepared for teenage years
But you know what God knew I could do it
Okay, you wouldn't give me the assignment if you didn't know that I couldn't do it with his partnership. I
Will tell you I can't do it on my own
None of us can do anything on our own. We have to partner with God
All right. I don't ever like that saying is
Come I always hear the saying God doesn't give us more than we can handle
and I get the whole like purpose of it, but honestly
God does give us more than we can then we ourselves can handle because
We are supposed to partner with him we're not supposed to handle it all by ourselves
We're supposed to partner with him. Okay. So again, I had no idea what
Teenage life was gonna be like and I was a teenager
All right, but I also have two two kids two teen teens, you know bonus children
that
went through a
lot of trauma a
Lot I have my own birth baby my my biological son
I'm seeing the trauma that was created in his life
with
and Rebecca I saw your hand I'm gonna get to you if you can just hang tight
for just a minute my birth son my biological baby and I'm seeing the
trauma that he's experiencing and what he's walking through and having a
biological father that isn't present all the time you know there's trauma there
and I'm like oh my goodness I would have never thought this season you know and I
would love to say yeah I'm married and it's just you know rainbows and
butterflies but we you know God's doing a refining he's doing you know it's he's
he's using our lives to show his goodness because I believe that God
wants to heal and reconcile and redeem the hurt the trauma the all of that
stuff that I've experienced that my husband experienced that my kids have
experienced and he's working it through us okay so I hope that gives you all
some perspective Rebecca I want to make sure I give you time do you have
something that you want to share with us sorry I I didn't want to put what you
were saying short I apologize I just oh you're good you're good you know it's
easy you always can leave your hands up okay cuz I know you I know you were
concerned about the time it's being extended so I just thought maybe I would
ask the question in the app so no you can ask it here I'm gonna stay on for
you I always stay on for you ladies now if any of you can't stay on you always
are more than welcome to jump off we always have this replay but I'm always
here my my my blessing is being here to be free be here for you ladies so what's
your question Rebecca so I I have gone on three video dates with one individual
and yeah I you know just kind of taking notes from the past trainings I know
that you know we shouldn't have like video dates too long you know try to
meet in person if you're somewhat local and I mean he's yeah he's probably about
an hour and a half from me distance wise yeah he you know the third video call
just he's trying to get some like demographics from me like my height and
things like he's like you know obviously as we're on video we're not really able
to see each other and I was just like well I'm open to meeting up you know if
that's if that's something that you would be open to doing you know I'd be
open to meeting you and he was a bit hesitant I think he's more reserved
which I'm fine with like I I don't mind I just you know as he brought that up I
was like well you know that is so yeah just I'm just wondering like it just
seems like you you almost have to kind of gauge where the person is that you
know obviously going at their level yes so we always talk about this
reciprocating so again if he's more reserved here's the thing you've done
your part mm-hmm you're you're jumping on video calls with him you're dropping
the hanky and letting him know hey I'd be open to meeting now you're putting it
in his court so remember this is again why we we encourage you ladies to be
getting to know a couple people you know just be open to dating and interacting
with more than one person because if he's not gonna pick it up and initiate
then through time like I would say you've you've had three video dates was
it this third date that you said hey I'd be open to meeting yeah especially when
he brought up the reality that we haven't actually seen each other in
person and he was asking me like how tall I was I told him my height yeah I
would say if you've thrown that out there so you you know you put it out
there hey we should meet I would wait let's see if he's going to reciprocate
and throw that out there and if you know that he actually did he did respond
sorry he he was just like yeah he that so he just pretty much said you know I
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna take the take time and determine when that's the
best time that for that to happen so like for me like it was I just felt like
I just felt like I was a bit too pushy but at the same time I yeah he opened
the door yeah yeah he opened the door for that so yeah I yeah I don't I don't
want to navigate now how to navigate now that that conversations happen okay I
get it he might be a little more reserved and is not sure about it that's
again I'm gonna encourage you to continue to keep getting to know other
people sure but here's the thing ladies
If these guys don't want to meet you in person
and do real life with you, you can vocalize that.
So you can respect his boundary right now,
leave it open, continue to get to know him.
But again, if you notice he's not initiating
and wanting to actually meet you,
you can communicate, hey, I really appreciate
spending time on video and getting to know you.
I appreciate the time that you've given.
Where I'm at in my life is to meet people in real life
and to date in real life.
And so I understand that maybe you want to take it slower.
However, I'm going to,
I'm looking to date in real life.
And so if you don't think that's something
that you're able to do at this time,
I wish you the best of luck.
Wow.
Yeah, like I, I'm actually-
You're kind of like, well, what's the point?
Sure, I do, I respect that.
Like he, I want to obviously make sure
that he's comfortable.
Like I don't want to be the one,
be the driving force of the relationship
if he's not really, you know,
even trying to make an effort.
And I do see the effort he's making.
These men are, they're divine masculine.
That's what we're looking for.
We're looking for a divine masculine man.
And it doesn't mean that we can't want comfortability
for the, you know, the man and getting to know them.
And as a woman, you know,
you obviously want men to feel comfortable,
but it's the man's job to help us feel comfortable.
Sure.
All right.
He can step up and be the leader, the provider,
the protector, that's his identity.
So I understand where you're coming from.
Like you want him to be comfortable.
You want him to pace himself, but here's the thing.
He needs to decide whether or not
he really does want to date in real life.
Yeah, I have a, I have a sense that he might also,
because I am, I'm, I'm talking to a couple of people
as well, so at the same time,
and he might be doing the exact same thing.
So maybe he's just trying to, you know, make sure that he's.
Maybe you can keep the interaction light.
You can still continue to get to know them.
Absolutely.
Continue to get to know them.
And like I said, if you kind of see,
like it's not really picking up.
Progressing, yeah.
That's understandable.
Again, sit with Holy Spirit.
Ask, you know, what gives you peace?
Do you, you know, I would encourage ladies,
I don't want you all sitting
and just getting to know one person
in hopes that, oh, maybe they need more time.
Because obviously if God's leading you to do that 100%,
but I don't want you ladies getting stuck there either.
Sure.
Where you're just kind of, oh, I'm just going to sit here.
I want you to make sure that you're going out
and still interacting with other people.
And, and just, you know,
it doesn't mean that you have to cut people off right away.
You can be respectful of that.
But if you do, if you see that it's not moving.
Yeah, I have to do that.
Here's the thing.
You ladies are here to do that.
Like do real life dating.
You can't marry someone
that you don't spend time with in real life.
I mean, my husband and I were long distance.
Okay. I was in Florida.
He was in Texas.
We saw each other as frequently as we could.
I mean, I don't think,
I think the longest we went from being
in front of each other in person
was six weeks.
And that was only because something happened
and he had to push a trip back.
But we typically was at least seeing each other
once a month.
So we were doing life together,
even though we were long distance.
So that's another thing, ladies.
If you feel you are open to long distance,
it's important to know that you can still do life
with somebody long distance.
So like Rebecca, she's got this guy,
he's about an hour and a half away.
So it is a little more challenging
to get in front of that person in real life,
but there has to be effort being made
because that's the only way
that you truly do get to know somebody.
You need the face-to-face,
you need to hear inflection
and see facial expression and tone.
You need to be able to be in community,
whether you're seeing what their life is like
in their community where they're at,
and then them seeing what you're like
in your community where you're at.
It's very important.
Okay, we don't want the texting relationship to unfold
and then catching feelings with someone
that we can't be doing real life with,
if that makes sense.
Just another follow-up.
And I have to end a communication with one guy.
Thank you for your response for the last question.
He just kind of, he loved the text,
which I was okay with, but then realizing like,
okay, this does need to progress beyond texting.
And he also was about an hour from me.
So we started doing phone calls
and that was pretty much all that we did
beyond the texting.
We just called each other.
I don't know if that would be considered,
I believe that the dating is more than just the phone calls.
Is that right, I believe?
Yeah, so we don't say,
so I would consider you're still in level one.
Level one, okay.
Until you have a video date
where you're in front of the person
and you know that they're actually who they say they are.
Yeah.
Then you're in a video or you're in real life.
That would be level two.
Okay, yeah.
He just, it didn't seem like he wanted
to progress beyond that.
And I wasn't really sure if we were compatible.
Yeah, and so that's what you say,
just say, hey, I'd love to take this off the texting
or a phone call.
Would you be open to doing a video chat?
A video chat, yeah.
And if they say, oh no, or they kind of like,
then again, that kind of gives you the answer.
I mean, we don't want you,
I mean, because here's again,
we don't want to do the whole wasting time, right?
But that's what I'm saying, we got to put,
we got to activate and make sure
that we're putting ourselves in the position
to get what the desired outcome is.
Like if you ladies want marriage
and you want relationship
and you want to do life with someone,
then you have to put yourself in proximity
to be in a person's life face-to-face, okay?
Understandable, thank you so much.
Oh, you're so welcome.
All right, so I'm going to answer
Summer's question real quick.
And then ladies, we are coming up on two hours,
so I'm going to let you all go,
but let's get to Summer's question first.
She says, if we are not keeping up
with the likes in the dating app,
so they are just sitting there for a while,
would you suggest putting our dating profiles
on a break from the app until we catch up on the likes?
No, I don't think you need to.
I mean, I can't tell you how oftentimes
like I was not paying attention to the likes
or all that stuff.
Sometimes my life got busy, I still kept it there
because if someone liked me,
then they'd jump into my DM or they would reach out
and then I was still having communication.
So I say, just leave it there because you never know.
I don't think it needs to be like,
I can't move on to this if I don't check the likes
and I can't move on if I didn't respond
to every single person that sent me a message.
Because here's the thing, ladies,
I can't tell you there were times
that I would have an inbox full of messages
and I didn't respond to all of them.
Not because I was trying to be rude,
it was just because my life got busy
and I just had to trust that God was going to push me
to respond to the people that I need to respond to.
I don't think I was being unkind
by not responding to people
because there were times that I would reach out to somebody
and they wouldn't respond to me
and I didn't take offense to that.
I was just like, okay, this person's busy
or maybe they didn't like my profile
or maybe it's not even a real person at all
and just moved on.
I trusted that God had me
and he was going to put the people in front of me
that I needed to be in front of.
And God was going to protect me
if I got put in front of people
that I wasn't supposed to be put in front of.
So just keep that in mind.
So hopefully that helps you, Summer.
I wouldn't say put it on pause
unless you feel like Holy Spirit is saying,
nope, I need you to put this on pause
because he wants you to work through something else.
All right, awesome.
Well, ladies, I am so thankful.
Oh, you're welcome, Summer.
I'm so thankful to always be here with you, ladies.
So I'm going to go ahead and pray us out
and then send you all on your way.
There's another call tonight with Ms. Ebony
at eight o'clock p.m. Eastern, okay?
So if you want to even jump on that one,
she always has great insight.
But again, don't forget about your activations this week.
I look forward to seeing those in the app
and just make sure that you're connecting with one another
and do life with each other, okay?
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you.
I thank you for your presence.
I thank you that we can come together in this community
and that you are just with us.
You're here to encourage us.
You're here to give us reminders that we are not alone.
We do not have to walk this alone,
that we are in this together
and you are bringing angels to walk side us.
to do life with. I just thank you for that opportunity, Lord. And I just thank you for
the blessings of Jackie and David and this community and the words that you've released
to us. And I just pray that we just press into that, Heavenly Father, that we are reminded
that you are with us and you are for us. And I just thank you for that. And Heavenly Father,
I just pray that you are with each and every one of these women during this holiday season
and that you, you know, ignite in them a passion for what you're doing in their life. I pray that
they are reminded of the things that you have done and the things that you're continuing to do
as they look to you and they keep their focus on you and to not look back into the negative,
but just to focus on your goodness and your faithfulness. And I just,
again, I just pray for them in this season that they feel loved, seen and heard and cherished
by you and all those that are around them. So I thank you in your son's mighty name. Amen.
Ladies, it's always a pleasure. I will see you all next week and see you in the app. Okay. So
make sure that you're posting. All right. Let us know what's going on in your life.
All right. Take care. Thank you.