WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000
So I'm going to go ahead and share my screen and I'm going to

2
00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:09.000
share my screen and I'm going to share my screen.

3
00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:12.000
All right. Welcome to our love seat for December. You guys,

4
00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:20.000
this is definitely the holiday edition.

5
00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:21.000
For those of you that have never been to a love seat,

6
00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:23.000
here's how it works. This is the co-ed session.

7
00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:25.000
So we have men from our men's program,

8
00:00:25.000 --> 00:00:26.000
women from our women's program here,

9
00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:28.000
and we have all kinds of relationship.

10
00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:29.000
We have a lot of fun.

11
00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:32.000
We have a lot of fun.

12
00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:35.000
And so we're going to do a little bit of a one-on-one with me in

13
00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:36.000
front of all of you.

14
00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:38.000
And share their dilemma, share their questions,

15
00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:40.000
share their situation and allow me to weigh in on it.

16
00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:43.000
It's really fun. It's a good time.

17
00:00:43.000 --> 00:00:45.000
A lot of times we do a spotlight as well.

18
00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:49.000
Like single spotlight will spotlight people.

19
00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:55.000
I want you to go ahead and put where you're from in the chat.

20
00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:57.000
So everyone can kind of get an idea where everyone's watching from

21
00:00:57.000 --> 00:00:58.000
the same place.

22
00:00:58.000 --> 00:01:00.000
So that way it's a little bit easier for everyone to kind of get their

23
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.000
questions out of the way.

24
00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:09.000
We've been having quite.

25
00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:11.000
A lot of men from our community showing up and I'm going to address

26
00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:14.000
that here in just a second.

27
00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:21.000
When I talk about the holiday edition of love seats.

28
00:01:21.000 --> 00:01:23.000
And so I'll give you a chance to kind of check each other out.

29
00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:24.000
Where are you guys from?

30
00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:34.000
And if you're in the same area as you are or near the same.

31
00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:35.000
You are, and, you know,

32
00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:37.000
make a note of their name and go look for them.

33
00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:38.000
On in your group.

34
00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:44.000
On the app.

35
00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:46.000
Obviously if they're, if they're the same sex as you,

36
00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:50.000
you'll be able to find them.

37
00:01:50.000 --> 00:01:52.000
If you just want some friends to hang out with you guys,

38
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:57.000
you can go to the.

39
00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:58.000
The city of Rochester,

40
00:01:58.000 --> 00:01:59.000
which is the newest New York.

41
00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:02.000
So all of you that live in Rochester, Rochester, Albany.

42
00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:05.000
Buffalo, any of those areas up in Northern.

43
00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:06.000
New York.

44
00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:08.000
We're going to.

45
00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:10.000
Be developing a new single city up there.

46
00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:14.000
Which is exciting.

47
00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:20.000
Lots of single cities in development right now. New ones.

48
00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:23.000
So I'll give you a chance to kind of check each other out.

49
00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:25.000
And if you're in the same area as you are,

50
00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:26.000
you'll be able to find them.

51
00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:43.000
All right.

52
00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:45.000
All right. We're going to start love seat.

53
00:02:45.000 --> 00:02:49.000
If you volunteered to jump in the love seat for tonight,

54
00:02:49.000 --> 00:02:51.000
I'm going to invite you to jump in the love seat.

55
00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:53.000
I'm going to invite you to stand up.

56
00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:59.000
And I will get to you in a second.

57
00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:01.000
At least I'll know that you're here and who you are.

58
00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:04.000
And so then I will invite you to jump in the love seat with me here

59
00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:05.000
in a second.

60
00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:07.000
I see Annie's here. Jennifer's here.

61
00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:13.000
Okay. And if you haven't.

62
00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:16.000
In advance said that you want to get in the love seat, but you do.

63
00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:17.000
Okay.

64
00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:19.000
And if you're in the same area as you are,

65
00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:21.000
I'm going to invite you to jump in the love seat with me here in a

66
00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:22.000
second.

67
00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:23.000
I see Annie's here.

68
00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:24.000
I see Jennifer's here.

69
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:25.000
Okay.

70
00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:28.000
And if you're on in the group and you also think that it could be

71
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:30.000
constructive for everyone to hear,

72
00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:32.000
go ahead and raise your little avatar hand as well.

73
00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:33.000
Annie, Jennifer and Dinah.

74
00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:36.000
We'll go to those three first and then we'll go afterwards and we have

75
00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:37.000
some fun.

76
00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:38.000
Okay.

77
00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:40.000
We'll have some fun. In fact, let's just do a little icebreaker.

78
00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:42.000
Let's do a little icebreaker.

79
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:44.000
I think that would be, I think that would be fun.

80
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:45.000
Okay.

81
00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:47.000
So we're going to go ahead and get started.

82
00:03:47.000 --> 00:03:49.000
So I'm going to go ahead and show you what we're doing.

83
00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:51.000
And I'm going to show you what we're doing.

84
00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:52.000
If you've never been here before.

85
00:03:52.000 --> 00:03:55.000
We are doing lots of things with our database.

86
00:03:55.000 --> 00:04:05.000
In these phase three events.

87
00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:08.000
So the only people that are invited to these are phase three people,

88
00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:11.000
which means you've made it to the final phase of last year,

89
00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:13.000
single program you're in the community or club phase.

90
00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:16.000
Phase three is going to be a pre-cursor.

91
00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.000
A pre-cursor to the next year.

92
00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.000
So you're already in phase three,

93
00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:21.000
and you have access to those events.

94
00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:22.000
Any dating games that we play.

95
00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:24.000
Any spirit mate match events that we have online.

96
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:25.000
All of that falls in that category.

97
00:04:25.000 --> 00:04:28.000
We do path sessions. We call it that you guys are a path session.

98
00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:30.000
For this month is next week. It's on the 12th.

99
00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.000
It's at 8.

100
00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:36.000
It's in your calendar.

101
00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:37.000
It's in your dropdown calendar,

102
00:04:37.000 --> 00:04:39.000
your event calendar on your app and phase three.

103
00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:41.000
And it is going to be a precursor.

104
00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:44.000
And it's going to be a pre-cursor to the next year.

105
00:04:44.000 --> 00:04:46.000
All right, Andy, Dinah, and.

106
00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:48.000
Oh, one of you guys already disappeared.

107
00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:57.000
Someone's like I'm out.

108
00:04:57.000 --> 00:04:59.000
Any Dinah. And I think it was Jennifer that had her hands up.

109
00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:01.000
You guys can keep your hands up, but everyone else raise your hand.

110
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:08.640
comments, how powerful and amazing and wonderful and crazy, fun, and really just strategic

111
00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:04.000
You have ever participated in prophesy your year in our community.

112
00:05:08.640 --> 00:05:10.700
for the year it is.

113
00:05:10.700 --> 00:05:16.080
So we are going to be doing that event again, it is on January 5th, mark your calendars.

114
00:05:16.080 --> 00:05:20.820
It is not included in your subscription, it does have an extra charge because the person

115
00:05:20.820 --> 00:05:26.800
who hosts it is not anyone from this community, and we have to pay them to come in.

116
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:29.080
And so it is really a great time.

117
00:05:29.080 --> 00:05:34.040
But in order to prepare you for that, what I want to provide the whole community with

118
00:05:34.040 --> 00:05:40.440
is a time of understanding what does it look like to hear from God and be able to receive

119
00:05:40.440 --> 00:05:44.680
words from God and give them to other people.

120
00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:49.480
And so we will be having a prophetic gym on the 12th where you get to practice prophesying

121
00:05:49.480 --> 00:05:50.480
over each other.

122
00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:52.920
We're going to have the best of the best with us.

123
00:05:52.920 --> 00:05:55.960
Bethany Hicks from the Prophetic Company.

124
00:05:55.960 --> 00:06:02.280
You guys are probably like, how did you get a rocker like Bethany Hicks to come in and

125
00:06:02.280 --> 00:06:03.280
do this?

126
00:06:03.280 --> 00:06:05.000
Well, she's my best friend.

127
00:06:05.000 --> 00:06:06.000
That's how.

128
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:07.000
All right.

129
00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:10.440
And so she's going to come and, you know, I tried to get one of their trainers, someone

130
00:06:10.440 --> 00:06:14.400
else from the Prophetic Company, I was like, you know, you don't have to do this, let someone

131
00:06:14.400 --> 00:06:15.640
else come do it.

132
00:06:15.640 --> 00:06:18.920
One of your master trainers, and she's like, no, I want to do it.

133
00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:24.560
And I'm like, okay, so she is going to be with us next week on the 12th and she is going

134
00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:32.440
to give you a crash course on your receptors, seeing, hearing, sensing, smelling, tasting

135
00:06:32.440 --> 00:06:37.200
God, all the different ways that God is talking to you every single day of your life and how

136
00:06:37.200 --> 00:06:42.440
to tune into those things, not just for yourself, but for other people as well.

137
00:06:42.440 --> 00:06:45.240
And so you will use that newfound knowledge for some of you.

138
00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:46.240
It's not newfound knowledge.

139
00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:50.360
You're just going to be practicing in the prophetic gym, kind of working out your prophetic

140
00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:51.360
muscles.

141
00:06:51.360 --> 00:06:55.720
So for those of you that it is newfound knowledge, you are going to be using that.

142
00:06:55.720 --> 00:07:00.120
If you sign up to do prophesy your year, in fact, we're going to make it a prerequisite

143
00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:04.480
for prophesy your year, that if you sign up for this year's prophesy your year, you have

144
00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:10.440
to either be there live next Thursday to, you know, get that training, or you have to

145
00:07:10.440 --> 00:07:13.880
at least watch the replay before you come to prophesy your year.

146
00:07:13.880 --> 00:07:18.840
And the reason why is because you are going to need that information in order to really

147
00:07:18.840 --> 00:07:22.200
have fun and make the most of prophesying your year.

148
00:07:22.200 --> 00:07:23.200
Okay.

149
00:07:23.200 --> 00:07:24.200
I know it's really cool.

150
00:07:24.200 --> 00:07:30.600
So we'll be sending out the registration link for prophesy your year soon, very, very soon.

151
00:07:30.600 --> 00:07:32.920
Guys, a little bit more housekeeping.

152
00:07:32.920 --> 00:07:36.960
It is the holiday season, as you guys all know, but here's something you might not know.

153
00:07:36.960 --> 00:07:41.620
And I know this because of what I do as a matchmaker, as a dating coach, people are

154
00:07:41.620 --> 00:07:48.400
very motivated at this time of year, meet people very motivated, more motivated than

155
00:07:48.400 --> 00:07:50.000
any other time of the year.

156
00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:57.700
I want you to think about January in the gym, the gyms are empty until January.

157
00:07:57.700 --> 00:07:59.760
And that's when everyone decides they're going to get healthy.

158
00:07:59.760 --> 00:08:00.880
They're going to get fit.

159
00:08:00.880 --> 00:08:01.880
This is the year.

160
00:08:01.880 --> 00:08:02.880
This is it.

161
00:08:02.880 --> 00:08:04.560
I'm going to do it.

162
00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:05.560
Right.

163
00:08:05.560 --> 00:08:06.560
And so they're packed.

164
00:08:06.560 --> 00:08:11.000
In fact, I always wait to like go to the gym in March when everyone's already fallen off

165
00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:17.280
and they gave up on their new year's resolutions and goals when no one's in the gym anymore.

166
00:08:17.280 --> 00:08:18.280
Okay.

167
00:08:19.160 --> 00:08:21.000
This is the time of year right now.

168
00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:27.280
This is January in the gym, but this is like, this is the time when people are motivated

169
00:08:27.280 --> 00:08:29.000
to be on the dating apps.

170
00:08:29.000 --> 00:08:30.800
I know a lot of you have given up on dating apps.

171
00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:31.800
You're like, they're there.

172
00:08:31.800 --> 00:08:38.440
There are so many people there now that aren't usually there just like January in the gym.

173
00:08:38.440 --> 00:08:42.799
Those people aren't usually there, but they should, they showed up because they really

174
00:08:42.799 --> 00:08:44.600
want to try to make a change.

175
00:08:44.600 --> 00:08:47.880
And so on the dating apps right now, you guys, it's not the usual suspects.

176
00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:51.760
There's all kinds of different people at the parties that you might be invited to.

177
00:08:51.760 --> 00:08:53.400
You might think, you know, who's going to be there.

178
00:08:53.400 --> 00:08:59.360
There's all kinds of different people that are making social inroads right now at this

179
00:08:59.360 --> 00:09:02.640
time of year, because they're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

180
00:09:02.640 --> 00:09:03.760
They don't want to be lonely anymore.

181
00:09:03.760 --> 00:09:09.600
They really want to meet someone and they're motivated at this cuffing season timeframe

182
00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:11.160
to get out there.

183
00:09:11.160 --> 00:09:12.200
Okay.

184
00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:13.960
And so don't sleep on it.

185
00:09:13.960 --> 00:09:15.760
You guys, this is the time.

186
00:09:15.760 --> 00:09:16.840
Do not sleep on it.

187
00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:18.760
You guys are ready.

188
00:09:18.760 --> 00:09:19.760
You're ready.

189
00:09:19.760 --> 00:09:20.760
You've been in the classes.

190
00:09:20.760 --> 00:09:21.760
You've done the heartwork.

191
00:09:21.760 --> 00:09:25.080
It's like, we've been preparing for the big game all season.

192
00:09:25.080 --> 00:09:26.080
All right.

193
00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:29.040
This is your super bowl of singleness.

194
00:09:29.040 --> 00:09:30.640
Get out there and play the game.

195
00:09:30.640 --> 00:09:35.240
I put it on my Facebook page that my daughter was the new kid on the basketball team.

196
00:09:35.240 --> 00:09:37.920
This was her eighth grade year.

197
00:09:37.920 --> 00:09:39.680
She transferred schools.

198
00:09:39.680 --> 00:09:42.840
She always played basketball since the time she was little on a team.

199
00:09:42.840 --> 00:09:46.800
And so she transferred schools and she was on the bench because the coach basically didn't

200
00:09:46.800 --> 00:09:48.520
know what she could do.

201
00:09:48.520 --> 00:09:51.760
They had never really seen her play very much except in practice.

202
00:09:51.760 --> 00:09:54.600
And so they already had their first string starters.

203
00:09:54.600 --> 00:09:58.080
And so she was on the bench and my daughter is very competitive, right?

204
00:09:58.080 --> 00:10:00.000
In fact, in basketball, they gave her the nickname.

205
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.680
bull, the bull, because she's small, but she's mighty.

206
00:10:04.040 --> 00:10:06.720
She was crashing those backboards, getting those rebounds.

207
00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:08.200
She will steal that ball from you.

208
00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:09.920
I mean, she will do it.

209
00:10:10.240 --> 00:10:12.360
She's, she, she's a bull on defense.

210
00:10:12.940 --> 00:10:17.880
And so she was on the bench and game after game, after game, she

211
00:10:17.880 --> 00:10:19.200
hard at any playing time.

212
00:10:19.200 --> 00:10:23.700
And I could just see her just really getting more and more and more discouraged.

213
00:10:23.700 --> 00:10:28.960
I know my kid and I just watched her just, you know, her, her face just,

214
00:10:29.460 --> 00:10:33.500
you know, her self-esteem, her worth, everything just kind of coming,

215
00:10:33.500 --> 00:10:38.280
crashing down after, you know, three or four games of the season like this.

216
00:10:39.160 --> 00:10:42.540
And so I was sitting behind her on the bleachers and I leaned down,

217
00:10:42.540 --> 00:10:45.880
I whispered in her ear, Hey, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

218
00:10:46.560 --> 00:10:47.840
You think that I talked to you like this?

219
00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:49.000
I talked to everyone like this.

220
00:10:49.040 --> 00:10:49.780
I'm a challenger.

221
00:10:49.780 --> 00:10:50.780
I'm an Enneagram eight.

222
00:10:50.800 --> 00:10:51.000
Okay.

223
00:10:51.000 --> 00:10:54.560
I'm going to challenge you in myself to show up as our best selves.

224
00:10:54.560 --> 00:10:55.400
That's what we're going to do.

225
00:10:55.680 --> 00:10:58.120
And so I said, Hey, I said, stop feeling sorry for yourself.

226
00:10:58.120 --> 00:10:58.880
Stop moping.

227
00:10:59.040 --> 00:11:00.400
Get your head in the game.

228
00:11:00.900 --> 00:11:02.200
We're feeling sorry for ourselves.

229
00:11:02.200 --> 00:11:04.120
We can't pay attention to what's going on around us.

230
00:11:04.120 --> 00:11:05.320
We're looking inside of ourselves.

231
00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:06.720
We're not looking outside of ourselves.

232
00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:08.080
We're not paying attention.

233
00:11:08.080 --> 00:11:10.060
I said, pay attention to what's happening.

234
00:11:10.700 --> 00:11:12.320
Know what's going on in the game.

235
00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:15.400
Keep your head in the game so that when the coach does put you in,

236
00:11:15.560 --> 00:11:16.520
you're ready to play.

237
00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:19.160
And that's what I want to tell you guys.

238
00:11:19.160 --> 00:11:21.600
It doesn't matter what's happened the entire year.

239
00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:22.680
Okay.

240
00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:25.140
It's time for you to get out there, meet new people.

241
00:11:25.140 --> 00:11:29.380
It's time for you to try new things or try the same things with a new

242
00:11:29.380 --> 00:11:33.860
perspective, a new mindset, a new heart, because it's different now.

243
00:11:34.180 --> 00:11:35.140
Things are shifting.

244
00:11:35.460 --> 00:11:38.740
It's a, um, a favorable season for this right now.

245
00:11:38.740 --> 00:11:41.420
And so make sure that you're doing that stuff and you're

246
00:11:41.420 --> 00:11:42.700
keeping your head in the game.

247
00:11:43.700 --> 00:11:45.020
You're keeping your heart in the game.

248
00:11:45.380 --> 00:11:48.420
And so my daughter did get the opportunities to get out there.

249
00:11:48.420 --> 00:11:49.980
Someone asked me, so what happened?

250
00:11:50.060 --> 00:11:53.460
Like on the comments on my Facebook post, she did eventually

251
00:11:53.460 --> 00:11:54.540
get enough playing time.

252
00:11:54.540 --> 00:11:55.820
The coach saw what she could do.

253
00:11:55.820 --> 00:11:57.580
And in ninth grade, she was a starter.

254
00:11:58.340 --> 00:11:58.820
Okay.

255
00:11:59.020 --> 00:12:01.140
She was actually point guard in ninth grade.

256
00:12:02.580 --> 00:12:06.300
And then her hoop drew came to an end eventually when she tore her ACL.

257
00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:06.980
All right.

258
00:12:06.980 --> 00:12:08.420
That's a whole different story.

259
00:12:08.420 --> 00:12:10.580
We don't have to necessarily include that.

260
00:12:10.820 --> 00:12:16.100
All you need to know is that she became the guard of that team and she, you

261
00:12:16.100 --> 00:12:18.620
know, got to do the things that she wanted to do.

262
00:12:18.780 --> 00:12:19.100
Yes.

263
00:12:19.100 --> 00:12:20.900
Put me in coach a hundred percent.

264
00:12:21.460 --> 00:12:21.740
Okay.

265
00:12:21.740 --> 00:12:26.860
So friends do not be discouraged about what has happened in past seasons.

266
00:12:27.100 --> 00:12:28.460
This is a new season.

267
00:12:28.580 --> 00:12:31.140
Literally it is a holiday season.

268
00:12:31.140 --> 00:12:33.100
It is a season of advent.

269
00:12:34.260 --> 00:12:38.100
You know, there's so many amazing, supernatural, spiritual things that

270
00:12:38.100 --> 00:12:42.100
are happening in the atmosphere during this season, and I want you to be filled

271
00:12:42.100 --> 00:12:44.420
with the hope of anything is possible.

272
00:12:44.700 --> 00:12:46.220
That's released that over you right now.

273
00:12:46.500 --> 00:12:49.660
The hope of anything is possible, not just over your love story, but over

274
00:12:49.660 --> 00:12:55.620
whatever it is that you have been waiting for and maybe sitting on the bench and

275
00:12:55.620 --> 00:12:58.580
not able to fully enjoy and participate in.

276
00:12:58.580 --> 00:13:00.100
And so Laura, we thank you for that.

277
00:13:00.460 --> 00:13:03.700
And we thank you that now is the time your eyes are on your sons and on your

278
00:13:03.700 --> 00:13:08.420
daughters, and you are giving us opportunities to show up in life.

279
00:13:08.460 --> 00:13:09.420
Can't just sign up friends.

280
00:13:09.420 --> 00:13:10.140
We've got to show up.

281
00:13:10.380 --> 00:13:14.220
You're giving us opportunities to show up with all the things that you've

282
00:13:14.220 --> 00:13:16.140
already hardwired inside of us.

283
00:13:16.900 --> 00:13:20.980
The things that you've given us so that we can show up and share that, not just

284
00:13:20.980 --> 00:13:22.380
with you, but also with the world.

285
00:13:22.380 --> 00:13:27.140
And so, Laura, we thank you for the gift that we are to mankind.

286
00:13:27.580 --> 00:13:32.180
Um, and what we're carrying in that special connection that's out there for us.

287
00:13:32.460 --> 00:13:35.660
Spotlight that, let it be in Jesus name.

288
00:13:35.780 --> 00:13:36.260
Amen.

289
00:13:37.020 --> 00:13:37.340
All right.

290
00:13:37.820 --> 00:13:38.820
Love seat time.

291
00:13:39.020 --> 00:13:40.420
So we're going to start with love seats.

292
00:13:40.460 --> 00:13:41.820
I said, we're going to do some icebreakers.

293
00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:43.100
I think we're going to do that at the end.

294
00:13:43.140 --> 00:13:45.380
We'll just do some fun things right at the end.

295
00:13:45.820 --> 00:13:47.860
Um, let's see who's on here.

296
00:13:47.900 --> 00:13:50.220
Uh, Bethany you're here tonight.

297
00:13:50.940 --> 00:13:53.900
My trusty sidekick is here with me tonight.

298
00:13:53.900 --> 00:13:58.740
So if you could grab some, um, never will I ever questions from the internet,

299
00:13:58.740 --> 00:14:00.660
we'll do some fun, never will I ever.

300
00:14:00.980 --> 00:14:08.540
Um, or maybe we'll do some, um, yeah, let's do some never will I ever like

301
00:14:08.540 --> 00:14:14.220
you have done it or you never have done it kind of things, questions for the end

302
00:14:14.220 --> 00:14:17.940
of tonight, so you guys can get to know each other better, have some laughs, pick

303
00:14:17.940 --> 00:14:23.900
out the most, uh, inappropriate ones, Bethany, the funniest ones, um, couple

304
00:14:23.900 --> 00:14:27.860
shocking ones in there, and then everything else can be really, you know,

305
00:14:27.940 --> 00:14:30.740
just basic, basic stuff.

306
00:14:31.220 --> 00:14:31.660
Okay.

307
00:14:32.180 --> 00:14:34.700
Um, fun, fun, fun.

308
00:14:34.740 --> 00:14:35.140
Okay.

309
00:14:35.340 --> 00:14:37.420
So we're going to start with the first person on the list here.

310
00:14:37.460 --> 00:14:43.500
Annie, Annie, let's go ahead and unmute you and jump in the love seat and go

311
00:14:43.500 --> 00:14:48.140
ahead and friends, Annie, Dinah, Jennifer, and Mike are going to love seat.

312
00:14:49.100 --> 00:14:53.220
I need the background of your question in two minutes or less.

313
00:14:53.260 --> 00:14:53.500
Okay.

314
00:14:53.500 --> 00:14:56.660
We can't give five minutes of backstory before we ask the question.

315
00:14:56.660 --> 00:14:59.980
So less than two minutes for the entire backstory.

316
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.800
and question. And Annie, welcome to the loveseat. Thank you. Hi,

317
00:15:04.800 --> 00:15:10.240
Jackie. Um, so I've been in a level three with Pierce for two

318
00:15:10.240 --> 00:15:14.280
months, we are long distance. And I'm having trouble

319
00:15:14.280 --> 00:15:17.820
discerning if I'm actually attracted to him. Or if it's

320
00:15:17.820 --> 00:15:21.920
just relationship anxiety, which I've struggled with in the past.

321
00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:23.640
And we see each other about once a month.

322
00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:29.400
Okay, once a month is not a lot. Why are you only because of the

323
00:15:29.400 --> 00:15:33.480
long distance? How long distance is it? It's about nine hours.

324
00:15:36.080 --> 00:15:40.120
Wow. Okay. And when you see each other once a month, or someone

325
00:15:40.120 --> 00:15:45.680
flying or driving, I'm flying and driving. I have some health

326
00:15:45.680 --> 00:15:47.960
issues. So it's very difficult for me to travel. So he's been

327
00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:48.680
coming to me.

328
00:15:51.040 --> 00:15:55.260
Alright, so that's a green flag, right? Yeah. The fact that he's

329
00:15:55.260 --> 00:15:57.600
been willing to and how long has this been going on? I'm sorry,

330
00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:00.320
remind me of what you said. Um, we've been in a level three for

331
00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:05.160
two months. We met. And how long have you known each other for?

332
00:16:06.160 --> 00:16:08.320
Since July, end of June.

333
00:16:10.200 --> 00:16:17.600
Okay, so end of June, July, so December, so five months ago,

334
00:16:18.280 --> 00:16:22.960
five, five, six months ago, and you've been in a level three for

335
00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:28.280
two months. And so and in those months, those early months, June,

336
00:16:28.280 --> 00:16:30.680
July, was he coming to see you then as well?

337
00:16:31.400 --> 00:16:34.920
Yeah, he actually lived closer to me at that point. So we had

338
00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:38.440
like three dates really close together. And then he had to move

339
00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:42.480
for his job. So then we went six months without seeing each

340
00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:46.200
other. He came back to visit me for a weekend. We weren't sure

341
00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:49.720
the distance was going to work. And I was pretty sure that he

342
00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:52.840
wouldn't he was going to call it off. And then we talked about it

343
00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:55.200
and agreed to try to be exclusive. We felt the Lord was

344
00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:56.480
leading us that way. And

345
00:16:58.120 --> 00:16:59.040
does that answer your question?

346
00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:03.680
Okay. So you met him in June, July, he was more local, you had

347
00:17:03.680 --> 00:17:06.280
three dates in a row, boom, boom, boom, then he moved away,

348
00:17:06.280 --> 00:17:10.520
you didn't see him for six months, or six weeks. Oh, six

349
00:17:10.520 --> 00:17:13.400
weeks. Okay. I was like, Wait, this math is not math. Okay.

350
00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:19.720
Okay, for six weeks, you didn't see him. And then he not only to

351
00:17:19.720 --> 00:17:22.319
see you again, he asked you to be his girlfriend, you guys, for

352
00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:24.280
those of you that don't know what level three is, it's an

353
00:17:24.280 --> 00:17:27.599
exclusive relationship. So we're no longer playing the field,

354
00:17:27.599 --> 00:17:30.800
we're not dating other people, we're focused on, you know, the

355
00:17:30.800 --> 00:17:34.280
potential of this relationship, where can this relationship go?

356
00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:36.960
Some of you might call it boyfriend and girlfriend, you

357
00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:40.120
know, and that is level three. So he asked you to be his

358
00:17:40.120 --> 00:17:43.160
girlfriend, he asked you to be exclusive, and basically court

359
00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:45.640
you, right? Because you're, because you're using God

360
00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:49.640
language, you're like, we felt like God was leading us to make

361
00:17:49.640 --> 00:17:54.000
this more exclusive and serious. Right? And we really enjoyed

362
00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:55.520
spending time together, too.

363
00:17:57.520 --> 00:18:01.600
Okay. All right. Okay. And so now you're wondering, am I

364
00:18:01.600 --> 00:18:07.120
really attracted to him? Or am I just and so usually when people

365
00:18:07.120 --> 00:18:10.560
use the word relationship anxiety, it's a reason that

366
00:18:10.560 --> 00:18:14.440
they're trying to, you know, move away, not a reason why

367
00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:18.320
they'd be attracted. So are you really asking, am I attracted to

368
00:18:18.320 --> 00:18:24.240
him? Or? Well, I, what is really the question?

369
00:18:25.360 --> 00:18:27.200
Well, I'm just like,

370
00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:36.040
I am asking if you're attached. Are you asking, am I really

371
00:18:36.040 --> 00:18:37.880
attracted? Or am I just anxiously attached?

372
00:18:38.320 --> 00:18:41.600
That? Yeah, I guess that's, I guess that's more clear. Yeah.

373
00:18:43.200 --> 00:18:48.200
Okay. Okay. So here's the thing, you guys, all of us have all of

374
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:51.000
us have dysfunction in our attachment styles, please write

375
00:18:51.000 --> 00:18:54.080
that down. Even those of you that tested out as secure on our

376
00:18:54.080 --> 00:18:57.720
attachment style quiz. All of us have dysfunction in our

377
00:18:57.720 --> 00:19:01.800
attachment styles. Because we're not perfect people. And we

378
00:19:01.800 --> 00:19:04.760
haven't come we haven't been raised by perfect people. And

379
00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:07.000
there's been a lot of different things that have happened in our

380
00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:11.240
lives. And we have a lot of input, especially in the area of

381
00:19:11.240 --> 00:19:15.160
romance, and what it looks like to have connection and what it

382
00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:19.120
looks like to make commitment. We all have thoughts about that

383
00:19:19.120 --> 00:19:23.520
that are not exactly in alignment with the truth. Okay.

384
00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:28.480
And so I want you guys to just kind of exhale and understand

385
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:34.080
that nothing is ever going to be perfect. I have a friend who

386
00:19:34.080 --> 00:19:37.800
wrote a political book. It's if you want to check it out. It's

387
00:19:37.800 --> 00:19:41.720
called politics for people who hate politics. And she talks in

388
00:19:41.760 --> 00:19:45.560
that book about how no one is your political twin. Like

389
00:19:45.560 --> 00:19:48.920
you're not going to believe the exact same thing about anything

390
00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:54.000
as one other person. And same goes with this area of your

391
00:19:54.000 --> 00:19:58.200
life. There's never going to be a romantic twin. Okay, you're

392
00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:00.040
not going to ever be gelling on

393
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.240
every single thing and have, you know, all, all roads lead the same direction.

394
00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:06.400
It's just not going to happen.

395
00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:12.080
And so you have to be willing to pick your battles, choose your battles.

396
00:20:12.080 --> 00:20:17.040
And you have to be willing to, um, categorize things as deal breakers,

397
00:20:17.040 --> 00:20:18.960
things that are super important to you.

398
00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:21.640
And in our community, we say it's a yes until it's a no.

399
00:20:22.120 --> 00:20:24.840
And so if you hit one of these things, you're like, Oh, that's a deal breaker.

400
00:20:25.600 --> 00:20:28.600
You know, that's, that's, that's something I feel super strongly about.

401
00:20:28.800 --> 00:20:30.440
I can't compromise on this.

402
00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:31.200
That's it.

403
00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:32.000
That's the end.

404
00:20:32.080 --> 00:20:32.720
Sorry.

405
00:20:32.840 --> 00:20:34.600
It's just as this is where we have to cry.

406
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:37.360
We have to, um, go separate ways.

407
00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:38.720
All right.

408
00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:42.240
But those things should be very, very few and far between.

409
00:20:42.280 --> 00:20:44.320
We talk about heavens, non-negotiables.

410
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:48.680
Everything else should be able to be compromised on, should be able to be

411
00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:54.960
communicated with and figure out how to continue to have connection.

412
00:20:56.960 --> 00:20:57.240
Right.

413
00:20:57.240 --> 00:21:01.320
How do we continue to have connection past whatever this thing is?

414
00:21:01.320 --> 00:21:02.840
That's not a deal breaker.

415
00:21:02.840 --> 00:21:06.640
It's not one of those things that, you know, is my nope.

416
00:21:07.360 --> 00:21:08.320
Can't go past that.

417
00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:08.920
Right.

418
00:21:08.920 --> 00:21:14.320
So this couple, they have overcome long distance new relationship.

419
00:21:14.320 --> 00:21:18.880
It's not a very, it's not a very deep or, you know, long relationship, but

420
00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:21.080
they've been able to overcome distance.

421
00:21:21.120 --> 00:21:21.640
Right.

422
00:21:22.560 --> 00:21:27.320
They've been able to overcome the fact that one person had a huge life change.

423
00:21:27.840 --> 00:21:30.680
They were local, they were dating, I'm assuming enjoying it.

424
00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:35.040
And then his job transferred him or he had to move far away, nine hours.

425
00:21:35.560 --> 00:21:37.520
And yet they decided to stay connected.

426
00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:40.720
So there's definitely some real intention here.

427
00:21:40.720 --> 00:21:41.320
Isn't there.

428
00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:43.080
That's good.

429
00:21:43.800 --> 00:21:47.720
And so instead of asking, so Annie, what I want to say to you is I think

430
00:21:47.720 --> 00:21:49.120
you're asking the wrong question.

431
00:21:50.120 --> 00:21:50.600
Okay.

432
00:21:51.400 --> 00:21:53.960
It's not about, am I attracted?

433
00:21:54.520 --> 00:21:57.960
You know, like, am I really attracted or just, I just don't, I just don't

434
00:21:57.960 --> 00:22:01.480
want to miss out on something, or I just don't want to let go of the only

435
00:22:01.480 --> 00:22:05.080
thing that's been happening in my life in the romantic area, I don't

436
00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:06.760
think it's, am I attracted?

437
00:22:07.120 --> 00:22:07.640
Okay.

438
00:22:07.760 --> 00:22:08.480
It is.

439
00:22:09.080 --> 00:22:14.800
Do I want to make a commitment because attraction comes and goes, you guys.

440
00:22:15.640 --> 00:22:18.040
Attraction is so hormonally based.

441
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:19.120
Please write that down.

442
00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:23.240
I know that makes it sound so unromantic, but it is so hormonally based.

443
00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:24.600
Okay.

444
00:22:24.760 --> 00:22:26.000
So much of it is.

445
00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:32.320
And so when you say attracted, um, really what you're, you're trying to

446
00:22:32.320 --> 00:22:35.320
say is, do I want to make this commitment?

447
00:22:35.360 --> 00:22:36.760
Is this commitment worth it?

448
00:22:37.040 --> 00:22:40.240
You know, is this the person for me basically?

449
00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:46.160
And do I want to invest, continue to invest my time in this, or am I just

450
00:22:46.160 --> 00:22:48.560
doing this because there's no better options right now?

451
00:22:50.040 --> 00:22:54.200
So, um, what do you like about him?

452
00:22:56.920 --> 00:23:00.240
Besides the fact that he's willing to drive or fly nine hours to continue

453
00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:05.920
to see you and he is not deterred by your health issues, what else do you like about him?

454
00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:09.560
Um, I like, he plans such thoughtful dates.

455
00:23:09.760 --> 00:23:10.840
He's a very thoughtful guy.

456
00:23:10.840 --> 00:23:11.720
He's very sweet.

457
00:23:12.200 --> 00:23:15.520
Um, he's a strong Christian.

458
00:23:15.520 --> 00:23:16.800
He's very active in his faith.

459
00:23:16.800 --> 00:23:18.080
He's involved in a church.

460
00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:22.120
Um, he's funny.

461
00:23:24.080 --> 00:23:25.360
He tells great stories.

462
00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:31.760
He likes some of the things he likes, some of the things that I like, we

463
00:23:31.760 --> 00:23:33.680
both like being outside and active.

464
00:23:35.880 --> 00:23:37.360
Um, okay.

465
00:23:39.600 --> 00:23:39.840
All right.

466
00:23:39.840 --> 00:23:40.920
That's a great pro list.

467
00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:42.360
In fact, you're selling him.

468
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:45.680
Oh, I'm sure there's a couple other women on here who want to marry him now.

469
00:23:46.120 --> 00:23:46.480
All right.

470
00:23:46.680 --> 00:23:49.480
So let's do a, let's do a con list.

471
00:23:49.520 --> 00:23:53.640
Besides the fact that he lives nine hours away and you only see him once a

472
00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:56.360
month, besides that, what else is a con?

473
00:23:56.920 --> 00:23:58.000
What else is a con?

474
00:24:01.480 --> 00:24:05.720
What is causing you to say, am I really attracted or am I just scared to be alone?

475
00:24:06.040 --> 00:24:07.240
What's causing you to say that?

476
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:08.000
What's the con?

477
00:24:08.600 --> 00:24:15.680
I think it's like, he's not, he's not what I pictured, but, um,

478
00:24:16.280 --> 00:24:20.960
he's, um, he's not like, and this, I don't mean to sound shallow, but he's

479
00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:23.080
not what I'm usually attracted to.

480
00:24:23.560 --> 00:24:24.840
Um, as far as looks go.

481
00:24:25.280 --> 00:24:27.320
Um, so.

482
00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:28.080
Okay.

483
00:24:28.080 --> 00:24:28.720
That's perfect.

484
00:24:28.720 --> 00:24:31.480
Let's put a pin in that because I can't tell you how many of my love

485
00:24:31.480 --> 00:24:35.440
stories that is part of the testimony, man, Jackie, before your program, I

486
00:24:35.440 --> 00:24:36.920
would have never been attracted to this person.

487
00:24:36.920 --> 00:24:38.200
That's not what I'm usually attracted to.

488
00:24:38.200 --> 00:24:41.080
This is not what I pictured, but let me ask you a question, whatever

489
00:24:41.080 --> 00:24:42.880
you were usually attracted to.

490
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:44.200
How was that working for you?

491
00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:45.600
How was that working out for you?

492
00:24:46.160 --> 00:24:50.760
Well, not well, um, I haven't been in that many relationships.

493
00:24:54.600 --> 00:24:59.960
Um, so are you in, are you.

494
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.080
any way suggesting, because I don't want to put words in your mouth that you're not that

495
00:25:04.080 --> 00:25:10.960
physically attracted to him? I don't know. I'm very uncertain about it. Because like you said,

496
00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:15.680
attraction comes and goes. And I didn't know if that's how attraction worked. Because I listened

497
00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:19.680
to all these Chris, and I should stop listening to all the people on Instagram. But they say,

498
00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:23.760
oh, you should, you should really, the person you should marry, you should want to jump them

499
00:25:23.760 --> 00:25:33.200
all the time. And I don't feel that way. I mean, you know, if you're on a testosterone

500
00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:37.520
supplement, maybe you would want to do that. And I'm not talking to the guys, I'm talking to the

501
00:25:37.520 --> 00:25:42.640
women, just so guys, just so you know, they give us women testosterone supplements for low libido as

502
00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:49.280
well. So if you're if you're young, and you're in your, you know, you're in your 20s, even girls,

503
00:25:49.360 --> 00:25:54.880
you know, we start to, our libido starts to go down at a certain point, I feel like a lot of

504
00:25:54.880 --> 00:26:00.800
people have a surge of infatuation at the beginning of a relationship. You know, especially when they

505
00:26:00.800 --> 00:26:05.280
start feeling safe. Just so you guys know, every every one of you is turned on by something

506
00:26:05.280 --> 00:26:11.280
different. As far as like, oh, I'm really attracted to this person. Some of you are really attracted

507
00:26:11.280 --> 00:26:15.840
to intellect or humor. That's what kind of floats your boat and get your engine running. Some of you

508
00:26:15.840 --> 00:26:21.360
are attracted to kindness and compassion. Some of you are attracted to someone who makes you feel

509
00:26:21.360 --> 00:26:26.000
safe and thinks of you, you know, thinks of you know, your well being and your betterment. Some

510
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:30.720
of you are just plain old attracted to like what someone looks like on the outside and their

511
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:38.560
their sexuality. You know, everyone has something different. Okay. And whatever that thing is, I'm

512
00:26:38.560 --> 00:26:42.080
going to promise you this, whatever that thing is, since we all have something different.

513
00:26:43.040 --> 00:26:48.240
If your relationship is based on that, even if it's a good thing, like, oh, I'm just really

514
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:52.560
attracted to this person because they're so kind, and they just love Jesus so much. And that's just

515
00:26:52.560 --> 00:27:00.000
such a turn on for me, whatever it is, it's going to dissipate within less than 18 months gone.

516
00:27:01.760 --> 00:27:05.280
And if you don't replace it with something deeper in the relationship,

517
00:27:05.280 --> 00:27:11.120
like a true respect for this person, okay, a true honor for this person, a true like

518
00:27:11.120 --> 00:27:15.920
and love for this person, then the relationship will be over with,

519
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:22.560
because what it was based on is gone. It is. And so you have to be replacing it,

520
00:27:22.560 --> 00:27:27.520
you have to be growing and getting new things that you really admire about this person,

521
00:27:27.520 --> 00:27:33.920
besides whatever that thing was. Does that make sense? So Annie is really new to this relationship

522
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:39.280
because there's they're only two months in, and they they only see each other once a month.

523
00:27:39.840 --> 00:27:42.800
No offense, but that's not enough time to get the engine running.

524
00:27:44.320 --> 00:27:49.120
It just isn't. So Annie, answer this question, honestly, are you more physically,

525
00:27:49.120 --> 00:27:53.920
like more excited about the thought of him when he is away from you or when he's with you?

526
00:27:58.160 --> 00:27:58.960
Maybe away.

527
00:28:03.280 --> 00:28:08.480
You know why? Because it's the idea of him and not him. That's more exciting.

528
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.000
This is why long distances, you guys, long distance can get dangerous. You have to base

529
00:28:14.000 --> 00:28:21.360
it on reality, not fantasy. It's easy to romanticize the idea of someone when they're

530
00:28:21.360 --> 00:28:31.520
away. You have to pay attention to how you feel when they're there. Okay. Do you enjoy them? You

531
00:28:31.520 --> 00:28:36.800
know, if they touched you, would it be, would it be an ick or would it be a good thing? Like,

532
00:28:36.800 --> 00:28:41.360
you know, if they held your hand or put their arm around you, do you want to be close to them?

533
00:28:41.360 --> 00:28:45.600
Are you sad when they're leaving? Do you, you know, are you going to miss them when they're gone?

534
00:28:46.320 --> 00:28:50.080
You know, and you feel that way when they're with you, like dreading when they're going to

535
00:28:50.080 --> 00:28:57.040
leave to go back home instead of just pining away after them when they are gone. These are things

536
00:28:57.040 --> 00:29:01.120
that you really have to, you know, and, and honestly, and I'm just going to be honest with

537
00:29:01.120 --> 00:29:08.080
you. It's too soon to call it. Okay. Just haven't, haven't known each other long enough.

538
00:29:08.800 --> 00:29:13.200
And you, I mean, you haven't known each other long enough. Haven't been in person in proximity

539
00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:18.400
with each other long enough. Now let me ask you a future question. If it was into a love story,

540
00:29:18.400 --> 00:29:30.960
who's going to move where? Um, we are not sure we talked about it initially. Um, when we were,

541
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:38.880
we talked about it in the beginning and we're both kind of unsure of where that was going to go.

542
00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:45.280
So we were going to revisit it in about three months. So end of December, were there any other

543
00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:51.360
cons? Were there any other cons besides he's not what I pictured anything else? No. Okay.

544
00:29:52.800 --> 00:29:56.480
I feel like you're not a microwave Annie. I feel like you're a confection oven,

545
00:29:56.480 --> 00:29:59.760
which means you need some time to warm up. Okay.

546
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.880
to give yourself some time to get excited about this guy. I feel like you're not an instant

547
00:30:04.880 --> 00:30:11.760
attraction girl. Okay. And so just give yourself some time. Enjoy this great green flag guy

548
00:30:11.760 --> 00:30:17.920
plans. Thoughtful comes nine hours to see you once a month. Funny tells funny stories,

549
00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:22.960
all this, enjoy yourself and get out of your head. Okay. Okay. Thank you. I'm not going to

550
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:28.080
worry about that. We're not going to worry about that right now. Okay. All right. I love it. Thank

551
00:30:28.080 --> 00:30:31.600
you, Annie. Jumping in the seat. We really appreciate it. And for all of you raise your

552
00:30:31.600 --> 00:30:37.200
hand if that was helpful for you. So you show Annie that, you know, her boldness and breakthrough is

553
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:42.720
giving you breakthrough. Who, who was that helpful for? You're like, wow. Yeah. I know I'm going to

554
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:47.280
have to put that in my back pocket and use it later. Cause I feel like I'm a confection oven

555
00:30:47.280 --> 00:30:54.880
too. I'm not a microwave. All right. That's good. All right. Thank you so much. All right.

556
00:30:54.880 --> 00:30:59.840
Hands down, except for our love seat folks for right now, we'll do some hands up in a minute.

557
00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:07.280
Dinah who's in the kitchen with Dinah Dinah, where are you at? Hey there. I'm mute yourself.

558
00:31:08.080 --> 00:31:15.680
I hear me. Awesome. Well, I see. Yes. I got a housewarming gift when I bought this place,

559
00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:22.080
that spoon that says someone's in the kitchen with, so I love that. I love that. I love it.

560
00:31:22.080 --> 00:31:26.320
Where does that come from? I just know it it's in my head, but I have no idea where it comes from.

561
00:31:26.320 --> 00:31:31.440
It's like an old, like an old Southern, like folk song. You know, it's, it's the song that

562
00:31:31.440 --> 00:31:37.680
transitions into working on the railroad. Someone's in the kitchen with goes like B5,

563
00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:42.880
O5 bum. And then it goes, I've been working on the, anyway, I don't know. I don't know being

564
00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:48.000
from Texas. It's not like an inappropriate song. Like, like, Oh, Hey, who's in the kitchen with

565
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:53.920
Dinah? Like, what are they doing in there? Like, it's not that kind of song. Not to my knowledge.

566
00:31:55.680 --> 00:32:01.120
I was tortured by it as a kid. So that kids all knew it. I think we're safe that it's not like,

567
00:32:02.800 --> 00:32:09.280
um, but maybe we always find out that our fairy tales in the nursery rhymes that we love are like

568
00:32:09.280 --> 00:32:14.640
about the bubonic plague or something. And they're like, Oh my God, my whole life is a lie. Okay.

569
00:32:14.640 --> 00:32:20.640
All right. So Dinah, what do you got? Okay. All right. So, um, Bethany actually suggested I come

570
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:26.640
in and do this sort of as a PSA for everybody. So I have two questions. So like a one and a one B.

571
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:31.760
So when we were doing weekly check-ins, somebody in the group posted that she was just kind of

572
00:32:31.760 --> 00:32:37.760
lamenting that the guys that are godly on their profile don't want to wait for sex and meeting

573
00:32:37.760 --> 00:32:44.560
until marriage. And so I chimed in and said, well, I'm not really having this issue. And the reason

574
00:32:44.560 --> 00:32:52.960
not is because I'm not bringing it up in the app or on the first date, you know, um, because you

575
00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:58.480
and I talked on an ask Jackie once where you said, I'd asked, like, should I share with them that

576
00:32:58.480 --> 00:33:01.840
I've invested in fertility treatments and stuff like that? And you're like, no, you don't even

577
00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:07.600
know this person. That sounds like you're asking for a sperm donor. And so I reeled it in on some

578
00:33:07.600 --> 00:33:11.600
of the like hard hitting questions early on. Right. And I feel like that's working great.

579
00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:17.760
And so Bethany said, I think you should ask this in the group. So my, my question one is how long

580
00:33:17.760 --> 00:33:24.720
into dating someone should we wait to bring up the whole waiting for marriage thing? And then

581
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:29.520
my second question, because I have been on a few dates with someone is when you meet someone in the

582
00:33:29.520 --> 00:33:33.520
wild, like, I haven't brought this up to him because we met in the wild. We haven't even

583
00:33:33.520 --> 00:33:37.760
talked about our faith yet. Like I didn't have a dating profile to go from to see if he checked

584
00:33:37.760 --> 00:33:44.480
the boxes. Right. So, um, my, so the two questions are when you meet someone in the wild,

585
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:48.080
how do you bring up talking about faith without, I just don't want him to feel like there's a right

586
00:33:48.080 --> 00:33:52.400
or wrong answer. Like, okay, do you go to church? Yes or no. Is Jesus your Lord and savior? You

587
00:33:52.400 --> 00:33:57.120
know what I mean? Like, I want to like open it up naturally. He asks me about church and like,

588
00:33:57.120 --> 00:34:00.800
how was church today? So he's not like scared or talking about it, but anyway, so that's question

589
00:34:00.800 --> 00:34:07.280
one. Number two is how long into dating someone before we discuss sex and no sex conversations.

590
00:34:08.080 --> 00:34:14.080
I love all these questions, Dinah. So let me ask you a question. Um, so he's asking you how church

591
00:34:14.080 --> 00:34:18.080
was, he knows that you go to church on the weekend. Cause it's normal in relationship,

592
00:34:18.080 --> 00:34:22.239
you guys, you know, even when you're getting to know someone, even if you met them in the wild

593
00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:26.719
to say, Hey, what are you doing this weekend? And if you don't, most people go to church on Sundays.

594
00:34:26.719 --> 00:34:30.239
And so they don't say, I'm going to do this, this, and then I'm going to go to church on Sunday.

595
00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:34.960
Then they probably don't go to church. Okay. That's just a given. They probably don't. Um,

596
00:34:34.960 --> 00:34:39.199
but if he's asking you how church was, cause he knows you go to church. Why wouldn't you just

597
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:42.639
return with, Hey, do you go to church? Do you have a spiritual community?

598
00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:49.040
That's I haven't done that yet. Yeah. Next time I will, because he actually kind of blindsided me

599
00:34:49.040 --> 00:34:53.840
with it when we were just first talking. Cause we met in the wild, started texting. I, you know,

600
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:57.520
exchange numbers, started texting, went on. Can I ask you a question where,

601
00:34:57.520 --> 00:34:59.440
where in the wild did you meet him?

602
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.960
So if anyone's from South Texas,

603
00:35:02.960 --> 00:35:05.080
they know we have a lot of German people down here,

604
00:35:05.080 --> 00:35:07.680
and there's this really fun festival in New Braunfels.

605
00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:11.020
It would actually be a really fun single city thing to do.

606
00:35:11.020 --> 00:35:13.280
This is really fun, the New Braunfels,

607
00:35:13.280 --> 00:35:16.100
the first week of November called Wurstfest,

608
00:35:16.100 --> 00:35:17.720
meaning sausage.

609
00:35:17.720 --> 00:35:21.680
And so it's like polka music, it's for about 10 days.

610
00:35:21.680 --> 00:35:26.240
Polka music, of course, beer, sausage, dancing,

611
00:35:26.240 --> 00:35:27.980
you know, a lot of shopping.

612
00:35:27.980 --> 00:35:29.240
So anyway, it's really fun.

613
00:35:29.240 --> 00:35:32.540
So me and a friend were there, and because it's like,

614
00:35:32.540 --> 00:35:34.900
it's like Oktoberfest where you're in the big halls

615
00:35:34.900 --> 00:35:37.180
and everyone just shares picnic tables.

616
00:35:37.180 --> 00:35:39.340
And so we ended up sitting by them

617
00:35:39.340 --> 00:35:40.820
at one of the big picnic tables

618
00:35:40.820 --> 00:35:43.100
and started talking and exchanged numbers.

619
00:35:44.520 --> 00:35:47.620
I love it, I'm so proud of you, that's awesome.

620
00:35:47.620 --> 00:35:49.720
Okay, so even if he doesn't end up being a spirit mate,

621
00:35:49.720 --> 00:35:51.340
this is a win because you guys,

622
00:35:51.340 --> 00:35:55.100
we can't just meet people in spiritual contexts.

623
00:35:55.100 --> 00:35:57.860
Can't just meet people at conferences and church

624
00:35:57.880 --> 00:35:59.920
or even in communities like this.

625
00:35:59.920 --> 00:36:03.380
There's eight plus billion people in the world, okay?

626
00:36:03.380 --> 00:36:05.000
And in America, if you live here,

627
00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:06.760
and I know we have some international students,

628
00:36:06.760 --> 00:36:09.400
a great majority of the population identifies as Christian

629
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:11.060
in some way, shape or form, okay?

630
00:36:11.060 --> 00:36:14.760
And so the chances of you running into another Christian

631
00:36:14.760 --> 00:36:19.760
out there in the wild, as Dinah says, I love that, is good.

632
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:22.180
Just living your life, doing your thing.

633
00:36:22.180 --> 00:36:23.920
And I feel like that's good

634
00:36:23.920 --> 00:36:27.720
because you get to actually see them in a real context,

635
00:36:28.580 --> 00:36:29.700
not in a contrived context.

636
00:36:29.700 --> 00:36:31.820
And this is what I mean by that.

637
00:36:31.820 --> 00:36:35.020
The women that were complaining to Dinah saying,

638
00:36:35.020 --> 00:36:38.380
oh, I'm meeting these so-called godly guys on the apps

639
00:36:38.380 --> 00:36:41.940
and then they wanna have sex, okay?

640
00:36:41.940 --> 00:36:46.220
So, because if you meet someone who's talking about God

641
00:36:46.220 --> 00:36:48.140
on let's just say a dating app,

642
00:36:48.140 --> 00:36:50.620
you're automatically gonna assume a lot of things about them

643
00:36:50.620 --> 00:36:52.100
that you shouldn't assume.

644
00:36:52.100 --> 00:36:54.620
You shouldn't just assume it just because they

645
00:36:55.080 --> 00:36:58.360
gave a sound bite to Jesus somewhere, okay?

646
00:36:58.360 --> 00:36:59.960
The same thing with meeting someone at a church

647
00:36:59.960 --> 00:37:02.680
or a spiritual event, you're gonna automatically,

648
00:37:02.680 --> 00:37:03.880
whether you know it or not,

649
00:37:03.880 --> 00:37:05.820
assume certain things about these people

650
00:37:05.820 --> 00:37:07.280
that may or may not be true.

651
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:10.000
Like they're a Christ follower,

652
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:11.560
they have consecration in their lives,

653
00:37:11.560 --> 00:37:12.920
they have a relationship with God,

654
00:37:12.920 --> 00:37:14.680
they have abstinence or celibacy,

655
00:37:14.680 --> 00:37:16.360
you're gonna assume that stuff.

656
00:37:16.360 --> 00:37:19.400
And a lot of times if they talk the right talk,

657
00:37:19.400 --> 00:37:21.480
they know scriptures and different things,

658
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.440
or God forbid they send you a devotional

659
00:37:25.260 --> 00:37:26.100
when you start texting with them,

660
00:37:26.100 --> 00:37:28.100
they start sending you devotionals every day,

661
00:37:28.100 --> 00:37:30.940
you're gonna think that this guy or girl,

662
00:37:31.820 --> 00:37:33.260
guys, I'm not gonna throw you under the bus,

663
00:37:33.260 --> 00:37:35.660
you're gonna think this guy or girl loves Jesus,

664
00:37:35.660 --> 00:37:37.380
they're not addicted to porn,

665
00:37:37.380 --> 00:37:39.780
they're not doing things that they shouldn't do

666
00:37:39.780 --> 00:37:42.580
in their personal life, you're gonna think that, why?

667
00:37:42.580 --> 00:37:44.780
Because you're looking at gifts and not fruit.

668
00:37:44.780 --> 00:37:47.620
You're not giving yourself a chance to be a fruit inspector

669
00:37:47.620 --> 00:37:48.920
instead of a gift inspector.

670
00:37:48.920 --> 00:37:51.320
You gotta give yourself a chance to get to know someone,

671
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:53.540
but when you meet someone in a spiritual context,

672
00:37:53.540 --> 00:37:56.560
we automatically just allow them

673
00:37:56.560 --> 00:37:58.560
a lot of benefit of the doubt,

674
00:37:58.560 --> 00:38:01.120
which we really shouldn't, honestly, okay?

675
00:38:01.120 --> 00:38:05.520
But if you meet someone at an Oktoberfest, right?

676
00:38:05.520 --> 00:38:07.400
They're sitting at a picnic table,

677
00:38:07.400 --> 00:38:09.160
perhaps with a pale ale,

678
00:38:09.160 --> 00:38:13.740
you're gonna have the appropriate amount of skepticism

679
00:38:13.740 --> 00:38:16.840
about who this person is, right?

680
00:38:16.840 --> 00:38:20.640
And I don't mean that like in a closed off guarded way.

681
00:38:20.640 --> 00:38:23.300
I can't tell you how many people come and they say to me,

682
00:38:24.060 --> 00:38:28.280
oh, I met a person, I met him at a church conference,

683
00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:30.640
we felt like it was the Lord, we dated real fast,

684
00:38:30.640 --> 00:38:33.840
we got married, and then I found that there are not anyone

685
00:38:33.840 --> 00:38:35.000
who I thought they were.

686
00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:36.120
And that's the reason why,

687
00:38:36.120 --> 00:38:39.400
because you automatically assumed a bunch of stuff

688
00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:40.920
about this person that you shouldn't have

689
00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:42.520
because of where you met them.

690
00:38:42.520 --> 00:38:44.640
And so you guys don't do that either way.

691
00:38:45.520 --> 00:38:47.480
Don't assume a bunch of bad things about people

692
00:38:47.480 --> 00:38:49.280
because you didn't meet them at church,

693
00:38:49.280 --> 00:38:51.120
and don't assume a bunch of good things about people

694
00:38:51.140 --> 00:38:54.060
because you do meet them at a church, right?

695
00:38:54.060 --> 00:38:57.820
Let's just let everyone show you who they are over time.

696
00:38:57.820 --> 00:39:00.140
Let's be fruit inspectors and not gift inspectors.

697
00:39:00.140 --> 00:39:02.220
Okay, so I wanted to talk about what Dinah said

698
00:39:02.220 --> 00:39:04.660
about the godly guys on the apps or the godly girls.

699
00:39:04.660 --> 00:39:07.780
And it was funny what she said about,

700
00:39:07.780 --> 00:39:09.380
I wanna bring up fertility treatments

701
00:39:09.380 --> 00:39:10.980
because I don't want this guy to think

702
00:39:10.980 --> 00:39:12.500
that I'm after his sperm.

703
00:39:12.500 --> 00:39:16.220
I promise you guys, I'm writing down segments for my podcast

704
00:39:16.220 --> 00:39:17.500
because I'm gonna do different segments.

705
00:39:17.500 --> 00:39:19.940
One of them's called 40 year old virgin.

706
00:39:20.080 --> 00:39:22.400
One of them's called, is it romantic?

707
00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:24.120
Just kind of looking at pop culture

708
00:39:24.120 --> 00:39:25.640
and things we think are romantic,

709
00:39:25.640 --> 00:39:28.920
like song lyrics or a movie clip or different things.

710
00:39:28.920 --> 00:39:30.480
It's gonna be a fun podcast.

711
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:35.480
But one of the segments that I was considering is,

712
00:39:36.520 --> 00:39:39.500
do I like him or do I just want his sperm?

713
00:39:41.640 --> 00:39:43.640
For all you ladies that are in your dirty thirties,

714
00:39:43.640 --> 00:39:46.480
you're wanting to procreate, you want a baby.

715
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:48.680
A lot of times you might be like,

716
00:39:48.700 --> 00:39:49.900
yeah, I just really like him.

717
00:39:49.900 --> 00:39:52.700
Do you like him or do you just want a baby?

718
00:39:52.700 --> 00:39:54.420
And so we have, that's fair.

719
00:39:54.420 --> 00:39:56.980
And I think all the guys are like, thank you, Jackie.

720
00:39:56.980 --> 00:40:00.060
We don't wanna just be wanted for our seed.

721
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.120
We want to be loved, all of us.

722
00:40:03.120 --> 00:40:06.600
Okay, and so that's a real thing for a lot of the ladies

723
00:40:06.600 --> 00:40:08.640
that have been waiting to have a baby.

724
00:40:08.640 --> 00:40:12.280
All right, so wild, no faith yet faith.

725
00:40:12.280 --> 00:40:14.320
Okay, so I saw people on here saying,

726
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:16.800
oh, people in California don't go to church on Sundays.

727
00:40:16.800 --> 00:40:20.520
Well, figure out something that you could say to someone.

728
00:40:20.520 --> 00:40:22.080
And if you go, if you figure it out now,

729
00:40:22.080 --> 00:40:23.080
go ahead and put it in the chat

730
00:40:23.080 --> 00:40:24.800
for everyone else to learn from you.

731
00:40:24.800 --> 00:40:26.920
If you live in California, that would tell you

732
00:40:26.920 --> 00:40:30.760
whether or not this person is practicing their faith

733
00:40:30.760 --> 00:40:32.240
within a community.

734
00:40:32.240 --> 00:40:33.280
You guys say it with me.

735
00:40:33.280 --> 00:40:36.520
They're practicing their faith within a community.

736
00:40:36.520 --> 00:40:38.560
Just because someone doesn't have a spiritual community

737
00:40:38.560 --> 00:40:39.800
in this moment in their life

738
00:40:39.800 --> 00:40:41.840
doesn't mean they're not practicing faith.

739
00:40:41.840 --> 00:40:44.360
But are they practicing faith within a community?

740
00:40:44.360 --> 00:40:45.720
They changed the game.

741
00:40:45.720 --> 00:40:48.000
A lot of people lost their spiritual communities.

742
00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:50.680
If I was having this conversation with you pre-COVID,

743
00:40:50.680 --> 00:40:52.920
we might have a different conversation.

744
00:40:52.920 --> 00:40:55.120
But what I've seen from 2020 on

745
00:40:55.200 --> 00:40:56.880
is a lot of people didn't go to church

746
00:40:56.880 --> 00:40:58.440
for a year and a half, maybe two years.

747
00:40:58.440 --> 00:40:59.400
Their church is closed.

748
00:40:59.400 --> 00:41:00.760
Their church is shut down.

749
00:41:00.760 --> 00:41:02.560
That's the only church that they ever went to.

750
00:41:02.560 --> 00:41:04.680
They realized that they didn't really miss the church

751
00:41:04.680 --> 00:41:06.600
while they weren't going to church during COVID

752
00:41:06.600 --> 00:41:07.880
when everything was on lockdown.

753
00:41:07.880 --> 00:41:09.000
And then they started wondering

754
00:41:09.000 --> 00:41:10.720
whether that church was even the right church

755
00:41:10.720 --> 00:41:11.800
for them in the first place

756
00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:14.480
or whether or not those people really cared about them

757
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:16.120
because no one checked in on them

758
00:41:16.120 --> 00:41:18.560
and reached out to them during the whole year and a half,

759
00:41:18.560 --> 00:41:19.800
two years of lockdown.

760
00:41:19.800 --> 00:41:22.840
And so now they're like men and women with that country.

761
00:41:22.840 --> 00:41:24.240
Like they don't know where to go

762
00:41:24.240 --> 00:41:26.800
or it's hard to find a church

763
00:41:26.800 --> 00:41:29.880
or to make friends and different things when you're older.

764
00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:32.840
And so this is what a lot of people are dealing with.

765
00:41:32.840 --> 00:41:34.960
And then on top of that,

766
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:38.360
a lot of people are deconstructing religion.

767
00:41:40.680 --> 00:41:43.240
Not their faith, religion.

768
00:41:43.240 --> 00:41:45.280
They're deconstructing religion.

769
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:47.360
They no longer believe what they believed

770
00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:49.840
when they went to that church.

771
00:41:49.840 --> 00:41:51.280
They believe something else

772
00:41:51.280 --> 00:41:53.600
and they haven't found the tribe of people

773
00:41:53.600 --> 00:41:56.360
that they need for this new level

774
00:41:56.360 --> 00:42:00.480
of spiritual enlightenment that they're having right now.

775
00:42:00.480 --> 00:42:01.560
And so they're kind of lost.

776
00:42:01.560 --> 00:42:03.000
And that's why we do Supernatural Saturday

777
00:42:03.000 --> 00:42:04.080
in this community,

778
00:42:04.080 --> 00:42:05.840
because a lot of you are in that category.

779
00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:06.680
And I'm going to tell you,

780
00:42:06.680 --> 00:42:09.320
a lot of people in the world are in this category.

781
00:42:09.320 --> 00:42:12.400
So don't judge people simply by whether or not

782
00:42:12.400 --> 00:42:16.840
they have a current spiritual community, right?

783
00:42:16.840 --> 00:42:18.200
Get to know them,

784
00:42:18.200 --> 00:42:20.720
have real conversations with them about faith,

785
00:42:20.720 --> 00:42:22.240
see where they are.

786
00:42:22.840 --> 00:42:25.040
You might be able to point their sails towards the wind

787
00:42:25.040 --> 00:42:26.760
as far as they might feel kind of lost

788
00:42:26.760 --> 00:42:27.880
about where to plug in.

789
00:42:27.880 --> 00:42:29.640
There could be a lot of things happening

790
00:42:29.640 --> 00:42:32.520
in those encounters with others, okay?

791
00:42:32.520 --> 00:42:34.560
Let's not judge people.

792
00:42:35.600 --> 00:42:36.960
Let's love people.

793
00:42:38.960 --> 00:42:40.360
Wanna do that?

794
00:42:40.360 --> 00:42:41.240
Let's do that.

795
00:42:43.080 --> 00:42:45.280
If you guys knew about my church attendance,

796
00:42:45.280 --> 00:42:47.080
some of you might quit this program.

797
00:42:48.080 --> 00:42:48.920
All right.

798
00:42:50.280 --> 00:42:55.280
So Dinah, he asked you, he opened the door.

799
00:42:56.240 --> 00:42:59.040
So I feel like you can safely really

800
00:42:59.040 --> 00:43:00.440
have any conversation with him

801
00:43:00.440 --> 00:43:01.800
unless you're starting to really like him

802
00:43:01.800 --> 00:43:03.120
and you're worried to ask the question

803
00:43:03.120 --> 00:43:05.680
because you don't want to cross him off your roster.

804
00:43:05.680 --> 00:43:07.760
Well, I mean, I get that, but not, no.

805
00:43:07.760 --> 00:43:10.640
I mean, I used to be like that,

806
00:43:10.640 --> 00:43:12.320
but I'm not sure if I like him.

807
00:43:12.320 --> 00:43:13.960
I resonated with some of the people

808
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:15.480
that I've met in my life.

809
00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:18.040
Am I resonated with some of what Annie said?

810
00:43:18.040 --> 00:43:20.480
I think the attraction can grow to him.

811
00:43:20.480 --> 00:43:22.440
He has a lot of positives,

812
00:43:22.440 --> 00:43:25.600
but no, I'm totally on Sunday

813
00:43:25.600 --> 00:43:27.200
gonna be sure I mentioned church

814
00:43:27.200 --> 00:43:30.280
so that then I can kind of, you know,

815
00:43:30.280 --> 00:43:31.760
I know he's working this weekend,

816
00:43:31.760 --> 00:43:34.720
so I know he won't be in his home environment,

817
00:43:34.720 --> 00:43:35.760
so he won't be at church,

818
00:43:35.760 --> 00:43:38.040
but I can be like, hey, when you're home,

819
00:43:38.040 --> 00:43:40.280
what's your normal Sunday like?

820
00:43:42.640 --> 00:43:43.480
Kind of thing.

821
00:43:44.040 --> 00:43:47.720
And you also can just be like, you know,

822
00:43:47.720 --> 00:43:50.280
yeah, yes, I think that's good.

823
00:43:50.280 --> 00:43:51.120
I think it's good.

824
00:43:51.120 --> 00:43:52.800
And you guys, I think the less weird

825
00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:54.200
that we make this, the better

826
00:43:54.200 --> 00:43:56.680
because people either have a spiritual community,

827
00:43:56.680 --> 00:43:58.400
a church, or they don't.

828
00:43:58.400 --> 00:44:00.920
And if they don't, it doesn't necessarily mean

829
00:44:00.920 --> 00:44:02.600
that they're not practicing faith.

830
00:44:02.600 --> 00:44:05.080
And so these are bigger conversations

831
00:44:05.080 --> 00:44:08.320
and we need to get to know people,

832
00:44:08.320 --> 00:44:11.480
you know, enough to have these conversations.

833
00:44:11.560 --> 00:44:13.320
So would that be a backup question?

834
00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:15.640
So let's say that someone says,

835
00:44:15.640 --> 00:44:17.200
no, I don't go to church.

836
00:44:17.200 --> 00:44:20.040
Is the backup question, like,

837
00:44:20.040 --> 00:44:22.920
do you have another way that you practice your faith?

838
00:44:22.920 --> 00:44:23.760
Do you believe in God?

839
00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:25.320
Like how hard hitting do you go?

840
00:44:26.840 --> 00:44:28.560
Yeah, I mean, I think that you can ask them,

841
00:44:28.560 --> 00:44:30.680
you know, how are you, you know,

842
00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:31.640
are you a person of faith?

843
00:44:31.640 --> 00:44:32.480
How are you practicing?

844
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:34.200
How are you practicing faith?

845
00:44:34.200 --> 00:44:37.160
You know, and you can lessen it by saying,

846
00:44:37.160 --> 00:44:39.080
yeah, you know, a lot of people

847
00:44:39.080 --> 00:44:41.520
don't have a spiritual community

848
00:44:41.520 --> 00:44:43.640
and they haven't found one that they liked.

849
00:44:43.640 --> 00:44:45.400
And they may say, yeah, that's me.

850
00:44:45.400 --> 00:44:48.680
Like, you know, just if you're opening up the conversation,

851
00:44:48.680 --> 00:44:52.320
they'll say stuff, people will say stuff

852
00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:53.440
or they'll say stuff, Dinah,

853
00:44:53.440 --> 00:44:55.520
or they'll just say, they'll just volunteer right there.

854
00:44:55.520 --> 00:44:57.560
Yeah, you know, I don't really know if I believe in God.

855
00:44:57.560 --> 00:44:58.560
They'll just say it.

856
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.960
He might be like, I don't know, we move a lot,

857
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:03.960
that kind of thing.

858
00:45:06.040 --> 00:45:09.840
So whether it's him or another guy, then how long,

859
00:45:09.840 --> 00:45:11.740
I'm not in a hurry to ask about sex.

860
00:45:11.740 --> 00:45:13.620
I feel like that tends to work itself out.

861
00:45:13.620 --> 00:45:14.460
I just wanted maybe-

862
00:45:14.460 --> 00:45:16.040
Oh, okay, I'm sorry.

863
00:45:16.040 --> 00:45:16.880
No, no, no, I think Bethany-

864
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:19.280
I forgot that that wasn't part of your question.

865
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:23.320
Bethany was asking, how long are we waiting to bring up sex?

866
00:45:24.560 --> 00:45:25.800
Okay, sorry, I didn't hear

867
00:45:25.800 --> 00:45:27.160
that that was part of your question.

868
00:45:27.160 --> 00:45:29.560
So here is what I teach.

869
00:45:29.600 --> 00:45:31.640
This is in your phase two curriculum,

870
00:45:31.640 --> 00:45:34.720
so all of you should have heard this at one point in time.

871
00:45:34.720 --> 00:45:37.120
I don't think you need to talk about sex

872
00:45:37.120 --> 00:45:41.200
until sex is on the table, okay?

873
00:45:41.200 --> 00:45:45.720
So if you're dating this person and you start,

874
00:45:45.720 --> 00:45:47.560
you guys start getting physical with each other,

875
00:45:47.560 --> 00:45:49.880
there's a kiss that turns into another kiss

876
00:45:49.880 --> 00:45:51.360
that turns into making out,

877
00:45:51.360 --> 00:45:53.080
that's the appropriate time to be like,

878
00:45:53.080 --> 00:45:57.520
hey, just so you know, this is fun,

879
00:45:57.520 --> 00:46:02.520
but here's my boundary here, okay?

880
00:46:02.600 --> 00:46:05.160
If the relationship is not physical,

881
00:46:05.160 --> 00:46:07.680
there's no reason to bring up physicality,

882
00:46:07.680 --> 00:46:10.200
absolutely known because your relationship

883
00:46:10.200 --> 00:46:12.440
isn't even serious enough to even bring that up.

884
00:46:12.440 --> 00:46:15.000
And I don't mean like it has to turn physical

885
00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:15.920
in order to bring it up,

886
00:46:15.920 --> 00:46:18.760
I just mean it has to be progressing

887
00:46:18.760 --> 00:46:19.960
towards something serious,

888
00:46:19.960 --> 00:46:21.840
either emotionally or physically

889
00:46:21.840 --> 00:46:23.880
for you to divulge that information

890
00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:25.200
because it's on a need to know basis

891
00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:27.200
and they just really don't need to know.

892
00:46:28.120 --> 00:46:30.120
They don't, okay?

893
00:46:30.120 --> 00:46:31.600
And for those of you that are worried,

894
00:46:31.600 --> 00:46:33.440
and this is what happens so often

895
00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:35.960
with all you church folk, okay?

896
00:46:35.960 --> 00:46:38.800
You're so worried that you're gonna get involved

897
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:41.720
with someone who wants to have sex with you

898
00:46:41.720 --> 00:46:43.840
that you try to get it on the table

899
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:44.960
in the first couple of days,

900
00:46:44.960 --> 00:46:46.520
it's like, well, by the way,

901
00:46:46.520 --> 00:46:48.200
I'm not having sex till I'm married

902
00:46:48.200 --> 00:46:50.720
and you don't even give them a chance to get to know you

903
00:46:50.720 --> 00:46:55.040
and you're like putting down all these deal breakers

904
00:46:55.040 --> 00:46:57.600
and never will I evers and all the things,

905
00:46:57.600 --> 00:47:00.640
that is not the appropriate time to bring up sex.

906
00:47:00.640 --> 00:47:02.720
And just so you know, if you do bring up sex,

907
00:47:02.720 --> 00:47:04.360
even if they're also celibate,

908
00:47:04.360 --> 00:47:09.360
which hopefully they're thinking of sex sacredly

909
00:47:10.000 --> 00:47:11.400
the same way you are

910
00:47:11.400 --> 00:47:14.720
because sex can really cause a lot of confusion.

911
00:47:14.720 --> 00:47:17.200
That's why God said, don't do it, okay?

912
00:47:17.200 --> 00:47:19.160
Because it's very confusing.

913
00:47:19.160 --> 00:47:23.440
It introduces all kinds of shame

914
00:47:23.440 --> 00:47:24.680
and all different types of things

915
00:47:25.320 --> 00:47:28.480
when it is not appropriately honored.

916
00:47:28.480 --> 00:47:30.680
You gotta honor sex within covenant.

917
00:47:30.680 --> 00:47:32.760
It's not just about doing it in covenant,

918
00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:36.360
it's about honoring the power of it.

919
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:38.960
It's powerful and it is just as powerful

920
00:47:38.960 --> 00:47:40.480
to connect in covenant

921
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:43.520
as it is to disconnect out of covenant.

922
00:47:43.520 --> 00:47:47.400
And so you really have to get a revelation of that, okay?

923
00:47:47.400 --> 00:47:49.520
A lot of people don't have a revelation of that.

924
00:47:49.520 --> 00:47:51.920
You gotta get a revelation of that.

925
00:47:51.920 --> 00:47:53.720
I wanted to ask you guys a question.

926
00:47:54.680 --> 00:47:56.840
Let's just go down the sex trail for a second.

927
00:47:56.840 --> 00:48:01.080
You see that our society is saturated with sex, right?

928
00:48:01.080 --> 00:48:02.680
Everywhere you look.

929
00:48:02.680 --> 00:48:04.440
I was at a Pilates video

930
00:48:04.440 --> 00:48:08.440
and the music that they were playing in there was so foul.

931
00:48:09.640 --> 00:48:11.560
You guys, I'm not a prude,

932
00:48:11.560 --> 00:48:15.320
but this music was so graphic, so pornographic,

933
00:48:15.320 --> 00:48:18.840
so foul, so explicit

934
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:21.680
that I was embarrassed for the people

935
00:48:21.680 --> 00:48:23.200
that I was doing Pilates with

936
00:48:23.240 --> 00:48:26.880
that we had to listen to this together, okay?

937
00:48:28.600 --> 00:48:30.640
I mean, wow.

938
00:48:31.520 --> 00:48:35.400
And why do you think middle-aged white women

939
00:48:35.400 --> 00:48:37.560
wanna listen to this music while they're doing Pilates?

940
00:48:37.560 --> 00:48:38.840
I'm not really sure.

941
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:41.000
But the bottom line is,

942
00:48:43.600 --> 00:48:45.520
if sex wasn't powerful

943
00:48:45.520 --> 00:48:48.760
and it didn't have the power to destroy,

944
00:48:50.440 --> 00:48:53.080
why would it be so rampant?

945
00:48:53.640 --> 00:48:54.520
In culture.

946
00:48:55.800 --> 00:48:57.320
Think about that for a second.

947
00:48:58.240 --> 00:48:59.160
Why?

948
00:48:59.160 --> 00:49:00.880
Why would it be everywhere you look?

949
00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:04.760
Why would it be that way if it wasn't important?

950
00:49:05.600 --> 00:49:06.440
I agree.

951
00:49:06.440 --> 00:49:07.280
Okay?

952
00:49:08.240 --> 00:49:11.960
And so definitely keep that in mind

953
00:49:14.120 --> 00:49:15.480
if you are one of those people

954
00:49:15.480 --> 00:49:17.760
that's downplaying sex as no big deal.

955
00:49:17.760 --> 00:49:22.760
So let's not bring up sex

956
00:49:22.880 --> 00:49:25.920
unless this relationship has progressed

957
00:49:25.920 --> 00:49:30.920
to a level where intimacy is on the table, okay?

958
00:49:33.040 --> 00:49:35.120
Where intimacy is gonna be on the table.

959
00:49:36.040 --> 00:49:36.880
Can I tell one-

960
00:49:36.880 --> 00:49:38.680
Just enjoy getting to know someone.

961
00:49:38.680 --> 00:49:40.360
I agree, and I don't ask.

962
00:49:40.360 --> 00:49:42.200
So I think it was more Bethany wanted me to ask

963
00:49:42.200 --> 00:49:44.680
so that you would kind of give the group the answer.

964
00:49:44.680 --> 00:49:47.200
But I would like to tell a testimony of a year,

965
00:49:47.200 --> 00:49:49.000
three, four years ago, I dated a Christian guy,

966
00:49:49.000 --> 00:49:50.200
but he was recently divorced.

967
00:49:50.200 --> 00:49:52.400
So he was used to having sex.

968
00:49:53.040 --> 00:49:54.040
So when we started to talk about this,

969
00:49:54.040 --> 00:49:58.480
I told him that it was a wait for me.

970
00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:59.800
And he was like, oh, oh,

971
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.400
feathers all ruffled and said, I don't think I could do that.

972
00:50:02.400 --> 00:50:06.000
So I went home for the night and then the next day he said, Hey, I prayed about it.

973
00:50:06.000 --> 00:50:10.240
And if that, you know, I would, you know, I would commit to that.

974
00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:14.640
So, I mean, he might answer, no, right out the bat, if I had asked him six weeks before,

975
00:50:15.200 --> 00:50:18.560
you know, but because he was invested in me and, and had prayed about it,

976
00:50:19.120 --> 00:50:22.880
you know, so that's why I don't ask right away. I think it doesn't matter until you

977
00:50:23.440 --> 00:50:25.200
get to where it's an issue.

978
00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:33.280
Yeah. I mean, most people aren't going to want to be in relationship with someone who doesn't

979
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:42.080
hold that that same conviction. So when you do start talking about it to me, it's a yellow flag.

980
00:50:42.080 --> 00:50:48.240
If you get to the place of connection with someone where it actually becomes a natural topic,

981
00:50:48.240 --> 00:50:53.360
because it just, it comes up because it's time to talk about it. And you, you know,

982
00:50:53.360 --> 00:50:57.920
lay down your boundary and to say, Hey, this is what I believe. And they're like, well,

983
00:50:57.920 --> 00:51:01.920
you know, I don't believe that, but you know, I'll respect that boundary for you.

984
00:51:01.920 --> 00:51:08.560
No, that's a yellow flag for me. That's a yellow flag for me. What do you mean? You don't believe

985
00:51:08.560 --> 00:51:14.480
that. Okay. What other parts of the Bible don't you believe? Okay. Then we have to have an even

986
00:51:14.480 --> 00:51:18.480
bigger conversation, obviously picking and choosing what you like and don't like. And

987
00:51:18.480 --> 00:51:22.480
that's going to be a real problem. If we get married and have kids together and we're raising

988
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:29.520
them. So, um, so don't just be like, well, you know, he's really honoring my boundary or she's

989
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:32.800
really honoring. And I know we think it's always the guys that want to get us in bed. I can't tell

990
00:51:32.800 --> 00:51:39.280
you how many men have testified to me that women have tried to seduce them, get them in bed.

991
00:51:39.280 --> 00:51:43.760
They've let them know, Hey, I'm not having sex until marriage. And it's like game on,

992
00:51:44.720 --> 00:51:53.440
right. Trying to use her female wilds now to try to get this man to, you know, change his mind about

993
00:51:53.440 --> 00:51:58.080
that. So don't think that it's just guys because it ain't for sure. All right. Thank you so much,

994
00:51:58.080 --> 00:52:04.560
Dinah, for asking those questions for everyone. Um, we appreciate you volunteering, uh, to do

995
00:52:04.560 --> 00:52:09.680
that for us and, uh, raise your hand. If that was a helpful conversation, if there was even one

996
00:52:09.680 --> 00:52:14.560
little nugget in there that you're like, yeah, that's helpful to know. And that's going to help

997
00:52:14.560 --> 00:52:22.480
me in the future. I'm going to put that in my little file cabinet and keep it. Okay. All right.

998
00:52:22.480 --> 00:52:31.760
Good. We want to know that we're helping. All right. So, um, next in line next up is we'll

999
00:52:31.760 --> 00:52:38.000
take a guy and then Jennifer will be next Mike you're up. What is, what is your question?

1000
00:52:38.640 --> 00:52:42.960
Um, well, I had a couple, I added a couple of, since we just had this conversation, I do have

1001
00:52:42.960 --> 00:52:48.720
to say I've been on like 10 first dates and six of them, I ended up seeing nakedness and trying

1002
00:52:48.720 --> 00:52:55.760
to seduce things, which, which was so stunning to me for Christians. Right. You know? And so,

1003
00:52:56.400 --> 00:52:59.280
which is one of the reasons I'm reticent to date people.

1004
00:52:59.280 --> 00:53:04.960
Okay. Wait, wait, wait. So these, these, um, six of them, these chicks literally like boobs out or

1005
00:53:04.960 --> 00:53:12.320
something. Like I just, I just, or, uh, inappropriate, extreme. Well, that was one.

1006
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:19.040
Um, no, I turned around and like one was naked. Like that was, um, that was interesting. And so

1007
00:53:19.040 --> 00:53:26.720
I just like, no, I know it was like, yeah, it was like, well, so then I, then you actually said

1008
00:53:26.720 --> 00:53:33.280
something about my, um, might be choosing people incorrectly. So I kind of adapted that, but, um,

1009
00:53:33.280 --> 00:53:38.880
I did date well from Bethel. Wait one second, ladies, ladies, I want you to see that. I know

1010
00:53:38.880 --> 00:53:44.080
that because, you know, we really vilify men. It's always men. It's men. It's men. I want you

1011
00:53:44.080 --> 00:53:50.000
to hear that because that is not, that is not a uncommon story. I can't tell you how many men

1012
00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:56.560
that are really trying to do things. They know, uh, is the righteous way to do things. And,

1013
00:53:56.560 --> 00:54:02.560
you know, there's constant seduction coming their way to try to get them to compromise

1014
00:54:02.560 --> 00:54:07.440
on their values in this area. So it's important for us to see that, right, Mike, go ahead.

1015
00:54:07.440 --> 00:54:11.280
Well, and then, so I did, so this is, this kind of led from the previous things like, you know,

1016
00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:15.040
date. Well, one of the things they were saying to put a woman at ease, you know, cause I'm like,

1017
00:54:15.040 --> 00:54:19.440
it's, it's, you're not dating until marriage. It's a deal breaker for me because it's hard

1018
00:54:19.440 --> 00:54:24.560
enough to keep the fire in the fireplace when somebody's stoking it. Right. And so, um, but

1019
00:54:24.560 --> 00:54:29.680
they were talking about like right up front to put the woman at ease to like, just say this isn't in

1020
00:54:30.400 --> 00:54:36.400
the card so they can relax and enjoy the joy of the time. So that was just, I wouldn't do that.

1021
00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:45.120
No, no, no. So I just wanted to clarify that. When you say they say that, who are they?

1022
00:54:46.080 --> 00:54:51.440
Oh, who is it from Bethel? Um, I forget his name. There's two of them, but okay. So some

1023
00:54:51.440 --> 00:54:57.040
leaders said that it was through moral revolution. Not a good idea. Yeah. Okay. Let me tell you why

1024
00:54:57.040 --> 00:55:00.000
that's not a good idea. That's a very churchy idea.

1025
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.440
idea. Um, let me tell you why that's not a good idea. Okay.

1026
00:55:03.440 --> 00:55:07.200
And this is why, because once we bring up the subject of sex,

1027
00:55:07.240 --> 00:55:10.920
what you might be feeling like you're putting someone at ease,

1028
00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:15.320
but really what you've done is now you've opened Pandora's box. Okay.

1029
00:55:15.560 --> 00:55:17.400
Once the subject, once the,

1030
00:55:17.440 --> 00:55:21.940
once the seal is broken on this subject within, you know,

1031
00:55:21.940 --> 00:55:24.720
two people knowing each other and meeting each other. Now,

1032
00:55:24.720 --> 00:55:28.560
the subject is open. We don't have to talk about sex, right?

1033
00:55:28.560 --> 00:55:32.920
We're not even romantically paired. We're just getting to know each other.

1034
00:55:33.120 --> 00:55:35.680
There isn't any reason to take it to that level.

1035
00:55:35.680 --> 00:55:40.340
And so I completely disagree with that. I think that, um, once again,

1036
00:55:40.340 --> 00:55:42.660
the church and I'm not down in whoever said this, you guys,

1037
00:55:42.660 --> 00:55:44.840
please don't hear what I said. If you know who said this, you're like,

1038
00:55:44.840 --> 00:55:47.320
they're my favorite person. Okay, great. Wonderful.

1039
00:55:47.320 --> 00:55:51.520
But here's the problem with the church is the problem with the church as a

1040
00:55:51.520 --> 00:55:52.340
whole.

1041
00:55:52.340 --> 00:55:56.640
They have made men and women feel like all we could ever be to each other are

1042
00:55:56.680 --> 00:56:00.880
sex partners. Okay. If there's not a romantic relationship,

1043
00:56:00.920 --> 00:56:04.440
there's not any relationship. And that is not true.

1044
00:56:05.560 --> 00:56:08.800
It isn't. And that's what this community is. All right.

1045
00:56:09.720 --> 00:56:13.360
Even if you're not spirit mates, you know, you are friends, you know,

1046
00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:17.440
you are people that are adding value to each other is very possible for men and

1047
00:56:17.440 --> 00:56:22.320
women to be with each other for purposes that are non-sexual.

1048
00:56:22.560 --> 00:56:27.200
And I think that when we make it all about, is it a romance? Is it not?

1049
00:56:27.240 --> 00:56:31.480
Is it sexual? Is it not? Then we take the stakes up to a place of pressure.

1050
00:56:31.720 --> 00:56:31.880
Well,

1051
00:56:31.880 --> 00:56:36.540
now I can't even get to know this person because now it's all about whether or

1052
00:56:36.540 --> 00:56:39.160
not we're going to be romantically paired or not.

1053
00:56:39.560 --> 00:56:43.760
And let's stop doing that. Okay. All right. Go ahead, Mike.

1054
00:56:44.600 --> 00:56:46.280
Thanks for clarifying. Sorry. Like, um,

1055
00:56:46.920 --> 00:56:50.920
actually their advice hasn't worked so good for me. So I've been unlearning it,

1056
00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:53.800
but, um, and the other thing, um, like,

1057
00:56:53.800 --> 00:56:57.120
I just wanted to validate is the, um, the question of,

1058
00:56:57.360 --> 00:56:59.960
is this person like actually want a relationship with me?

1059
00:56:59.960 --> 00:57:01.920
Are they looking to have kids? I mean, that's,

1060
00:57:01.960 --> 00:57:05.080
I know a lot of guys that struggle with that because they find people that

1061
00:57:05.080 --> 00:57:09.000
they're really like, but they're it's, and that's a hard,

1062
00:57:09.320 --> 00:57:14.120
that's also a hard line. But my question was, is, um, you know,

1063
00:57:14.600 --> 00:57:18.120
I keep running into, I keep running into my, hit my head on a couple of things.

1064
00:57:18.480 --> 00:57:22.200
Uh, one is the shared, shared parenting is really, um,

1065
00:57:23.520 --> 00:57:25.400
a lot of people who I've connected with,

1066
00:57:25.440 --> 00:57:30.400
we both have shared parenting, so it doesn't work. And then, um, or,

1067
00:57:30.960 --> 00:57:34.760
um, you know, my ex and I decided we weren't having any more kids.

1068
00:57:34.760 --> 00:57:38.240
So I got snipped. So that like, um,

1069
00:57:39.160 --> 00:57:43.400
it's awkward things to bring up, but it ends up crashing. And like,

1070
00:57:43.680 --> 00:57:47.360
it just means it ends up being the deal breaker. Um,

1071
00:57:47.440 --> 00:57:49.400
okay. So is your question, how,

1072
00:57:49.440 --> 00:57:52.840
how soon you should mention to someone of childbearing age that you have,

1073
00:57:53.320 --> 00:57:58.320
how do you, how do you approach that in a non clunky just way?

1074
00:57:59.520 --> 00:58:02.840
Right. You know, because it's, it's, it's something that needs to be brought up,

1075
00:58:02.840 --> 00:58:07.520
but not, um, I just, it's, it's blown up a lot of things.

1076
00:58:07.520 --> 00:58:10.040
And I'm just trying to see how to navigate it better. Maybe.

1077
00:58:10.440 --> 00:58:12.840
Well, let me ask you a question. Can I, I mean, you, you know,

1078
00:58:12.840 --> 00:58:15.680
you brought it up. So am I able to ask you a personal question?

1079
00:58:15.920 --> 00:58:19.000
Yeah, sure. Are you, are you willing to reverse it?

1080
00:58:20.080 --> 00:58:21.960
It's been so long. I don't know if it's possible

1081
00:58:23.720 --> 00:58:26.560
after a certain amount of time, after a certain amount of time,

1082
00:58:26.560 --> 00:58:29.440
the rate goes like to the, and I know God's.

1083
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:32.160
How many years, how many years has it been?

1084
00:58:32.600 --> 00:58:33.440
16.

1085
00:58:34.280 --> 00:58:36.880
Okay. Yeah. After 10 years, it,

1086
00:58:37.800 --> 00:58:41.880
the possibility of it being reversed is definitely, um, slim to none.

1087
00:58:42.120 --> 00:58:46.400
So here's, here's the deal at how are you again? Mike remind me.

1088
00:58:47.240 --> 00:58:48.080
I'm 49.

1089
00:58:49.800 --> 00:58:52.680
Okay. Yeah. We're the same age. When do you turn 50?

1090
00:58:54.240 --> 00:58:56.360
In a long time in August. So I got a ways.

1091
00:58:58.080 --> 00:59:01.960
Okay. All right. I'm a true 50. All my friends are turning 50.

1092
00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:06.040
So excited this new decade, Jubilee, all the things so fun.

1093
00:59:06.080 --> 00:59:09.680
If you're turning 50 within the next 12 months, raise your hand.

1094
00:59:10.160 --> 00:59:13.040
I want to see all the people that are turning 50 within the next 12 months.

1095
00:59:13.080 --> 00:59:16.800
If your birthday was in with the next 12 months, and you're going to be five,

1096
00:59:16.800 --> 00:59:20.280
zero, not that all the other fives are great.

1097
00:59:20.280 --> 00:59:21.640
Not that the forties are great thirties.

1098
00:59:21.640 --> 00:59:26.640
I just want to see who on here is going to be 50 years old.

1099
00:59:26.640 --> 00:59:30.880
So just three, there's three people that are here tonight for four people for,

1100
00:59:31.360 --> 00:59:35.280
and then Mike is five me. I'm six. Oh, some people just turned 50.

1101
00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:38.360
I mean, it's in the last, within the last 12 months.

1102
00:59:38.360 --> 00:59:42.360
So within 12 months, either before now or after now, you turn 50.

1103
00:59:42.360 --> 00:59:43.280
Let's see all those hands.

1104
00:59:48.280 --> 00:59:52.440
Let me make it easier for you. If you were born in 74 or 75,

1105
00:59:52.480 --> 00:59:53.560
raise your hand.

1106
00:59:57.480 --> 00:59:59.960
You're born in 74 or 75. Okay.

1107
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.240
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. I want to include 76 in there too. Yeah. Let's just take a look. 76 too.

1108
01:00:06.240 --> 01:00:11.120
Cause you're going to be right on the heels. All right. Okay. Fun, fun, fun, fun. Okay.

1109
01:00:11.120 --> 01:00:20.240
You put your hands down. Okay. So let's discuss this. Now you're nine years old. Okay. And that

1110
01:00:20.240 --> 01:00:28.240
means that, you know, the age bracket normally would be attracting and really looking at as

1111
01:00:28.240 --> 01:00:32.880
viable. Um, you know, God can do anything. You guys I've seen may, December romances.

1112
01:00:32.880 --> 01:00:36.080
One of my best friends is married to someone who's 25 years older than her.

1113
01:00:36.080 --> 01:00:42.560
All kinds of crazy stuff happens in the, you know, in the love department with God. So not

1114
01:00:42.560 --> 01:00:49.200
asking anything out, but regularly, practically the age bracket that you're going to be in could

1115
01:00:49.200 --> 01:00:53.760
include women that are hoping for a biological baby, you know, people that are in their late

1116
01:00:53.760 --> 01:00:59.520
thirties, early forties, um, hoping that they're still going to be able to have a biological baby.

1117
01:00:59.520 --> 01:01:07.440
And so I think that what would be fair is that if you meet a woman that is in that age bracket,

1118
01:01:07.440 --> 01:01:11.200
not someone who's your age, trust me, most women, your age are not hoping for a baby.

1119
01:01:11.200 --> 01:01:18.880
Okay. Um, but women that are in their earlier forties, okay. Mid to early forties, late thirties.

1120
01:01:18.880 --> 01:01:23.680
Okay. If you meet them and you're getting to know them, I think that as you're getting to

1121
01:01:23.680 --> 01:01:27.840
know them, you can talk to them, you know, you can ask them questions about their hopes and dreams.

1122
01:01:28.560 --> 01:01:35.680
Okay. And when I usually get to it fairly early dreams. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't bring up,

1123
01:01:35.680 --> 01:01:43.680
I have a vasectomy. I wouldn't do that right away because a lot of people, a lot of, a lot of people,

1124
01:01:44.240 --> 01:01:49.520
um, they just know that they want to be mothers. They just, you know, they think that that needs

1125
01:01:49.520 --> 01:01:54.400
to happen biologically, but it may not happen that way. It may happen through a blended family.

1126
01:01:54.400 --> 01:01:59.440
It may happen through adoption. It could happen a lot of different ways. So I definitely would

1127
01:01:59.440 --> 01:02:04.080
not lead with that. And you guys, this is another thing that, um, I want to put in this category.

1128
01:02:04.640 --> 01:02:11.440
I know, I know vasectomy is not a venereal disease, but if you have an incurable STD,

1129
01:02:11.440 --> 01:02:14.720
that is also not something that people need to know right away about you.

1130
01:02:15.360 --> 01:02:20.000
Okay. A lot of people want to lead with all of their, you know, all the things that they think

1131
01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:25.440
are going to be deal breakers for people, you know, and do not lead with that. If you have some

1132
01:02:25.440 --> 01:02:32.320
sort of, if you, if you were sick and now you're not sick, like you had cancer or another disease,

1133
01:02:32.320 --> 01:02:36.000
but now you're in remission and you're doing well, you don't lead with these things. It's

1134
01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:42.800
not necessary to do that. Let this person get to know you before you give them reasons to

1135
01:02:42.800 --> 01:02:46.800
not want to get to know you. Cause that's what you're doing, right? You're saying,

1136
01:02:46.800 --> 01:02:52.000
Oh, I just want to put it all on the table, show you all the reasons why, you know, you might not

1137
01:02:52.000 --> 01:02:56.800
want to choose me. And then if you don't, okay, I'm not going to get hurt because we don't even

1138
01:02:56.800 --> 01:03:02.640
know each other yet. Don't do that. Let someone get to know you. You'd be amazed at what changes

1139
01:03:02.640 --> 01:03:06.720
in people's hearts or their minds to get to know people and fall in love with people, what they

1140
01:03:06.720 --> 01:03:11.200
thought that they didn't want. Now they do want. And so you have to give people the opportunity to

1141
01:03:11.200 --> 01:03:16.400
get to know you. All right. So Mike, do not lead with that conversation. Get to know someone.

1142
01:03:16.960 --> 01:03:21.920
If you know that they're just going to die. If they don't have biological children from getting

1143
01:03:21.920 --> 01:03:28.080
to know them, then you can share that, but not until then. So I had a second question

1144
01:03:28.080 --> 01:03:30.480
kind of went with, I think it was Annie that started off, right?

1145
01:03:32.240 --> 01:03:37.680
So really quick, really quick. Like, okay. You say long distance. So I, so I I've been

1146
01:03:37.680 --> 01:03:43.920
really reticent to do long distance. Cause it just seems to horrific, but like just getting

1147
01:03:43.920 --> 01:03:49.680
to know somebody like, like you say, you need to meet them in what a couple of weeks or like

1148
01:03:49.680 --> 01:03:55.360
within a month or something of like, can you just go through the process of like, even trying to

1149
01:03:55.360 --> 01:04:02.320
see if it works. Cause I don't even want to, it's like, I, I, I'm not spinning it out well,

1150
01:04:02.320 --> 01:04:06.320
but like, well, first of all, Mike, we are, we already know about you, Mike, because of the

1151
01:04:06.320 --> 01:04:13.280
dating game that you can't relocate. And so this is one thing you guys here's the, this is one

1152
01:04:13.280 --> 01:04:16.720
thing. Remember how I just said, you know, there are things that you don't have to put on the

1153
01:04:16.720 --> 01:04:22.400
table, all your dirty laundry, all your past, you know, maybe used to have an addiction that you

1154
01:04:22.400 --> 01:04:27.920
don't have anymore, whatever. But one thing that you do have to talk about really early on,

1155
01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:32.480
if you're long distance is whether or not you're willing, you're, you're able to relocate.

1156
01:04:33.600 --> 01:04:37.520
If you're not able to relocate, that's something that they need to know right away.

1157
01:04:38.160 --> 01:04:43.280
Especially if it's, it's not that I just don't want to relocate. I can't, I have kids. I have

1158
01:04:43.280 --> 01:04:48.800
a shared parenting agreement. I'd have to leave my children in order to come be with you. That's

1159
01:04:48.800 --> 01:04:53.840
a deal breaker. That's an immediate deal breaker. That's a non-negotiable. Mike can't move. He lives

1160
01:04:53.840 --> 01:04:58.880
in the San Francisco area. Okay. He can't. So whoever would end up with him would have to either

1161
01:04:58.880 --> 01:04:59.840
be local to there or.

1162
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.840
or they would have to move there.

1163
01:05:01.840 --> 01:05:06.200
And so that is what you need to focus on, Mike.

1164
01:05:06.200 --> 01:05:08.040
If you're talking to people that are long distance,

1165
01:05:08.040 --> 01:05:09.200
and I really don't like that for you,

1166
01:05:09.200 --> 01:05:11.280
I really would love it if you would just talk to,

1167
01:05:11.280 --> 01:05:14.340
so let's get you some local people to talk to,

1168
01:05:14.340 --> 01:05:16.920
people that are in California, in proximity,

1169
01:05:16.920 --> 01:05:19.440
at least within driving distance,

1170
01:05:19.440 --> 01:05:21.880
because I think that long distance

1171
01:05:21.880 --> 01:05:24.280
hasn't been working out for you

1172
01:05:24.280 --> 01:05:26.060
because you can't relocate.

1173
01:05:27.060 --> 01:05:32.060
I will tell you that most women do intend to relocate, too.

1174
01:05:33.380 --> 01:05:36.320
They're thinking that the man is gonna relocate.

1175
01:05:36.320 --> 01:05:38.720
I'm in Reading all the time, so, yeah.

1176
01:05:40.460 --> 01:05:42.940
Paul, but you can't relocate there.

1177
01:05:42.940 --> 01:05:45.580
No, no, I mean, that's the whole point, is that, yeah.

1178
01:05:45.580 --> 01:05:47.660
That's one of the, so, cool, thank you, and I just,

1179
01:05:47.660 --> 01:05:48.900
and like, just- Oh, you mean like, yeah,

1180
01:05:48.900 --> 01:05:51.540
you could date someone through there.

1181
01:05:51.540 --> 01:05:54.300
Ladies, raise your hand if you really think

1182
01:05:54.300 --> 01:05:56.120
it's the man who should relocate.

1183
01:05:57.220 --> 01:06:01.020
Don't lie to us, because I talk to a lot of women,

1184
01:06:01.020 --> 01:06:04.740
and they're like, well, you know, I could relocate,

1185
01:06:04.740 --> 01:06:07.100
but I think that, you know,

1186
01:06:07.100 --> 01:06:09.460
I'm hoping that the guy's gonna relocate to me.

1187
01:06:10.580 --> 01:06:13.060
Let's see your hands.

1188
01:06:13.060 --> 01:06:16.060
Not one of you trying to make me lie in here.

1189
01:06:16.060 --> 01:06:17.620
I talk to so many people,

1190
01:06:17.620 --> 01:06:19.820
and that is exactly what they say

1191
01:06:19.820 --> 01:06:22.120
when I am trying to make introductions.

1192
01:06:22.120 --> 01:06:24.320
They're like, can you relocate?

1193
01:06:24.320 --> 01:06:26.720
Well, I could, but, you know,

1194
01:06:26.720 --> 01:06:29.200
I want to meet a guy who would, you know,

1195
01:06:29.200 --> 01:06:32.400
if it's long distance, that he would relocate me.

1196
01:06:32.400 --> 01:06:34.680
All right, so, there's a couple women here

1197
01:06:34.680 --> 01:06:36.520
that fit that category.

1198
01:06:36.520 --> 01:06:40.160
Okay, so, do not talk to anyone

1199
01:06:40.160 --> 01:06:44.960
that is not willing to live wherever you need to live, Mike,

1200
01:06:44.960 --> 01:06:46.920
because it's just a waste of your time.

1201
01:06:48.680 --> 01:06:49.520
Yeah, that's what I'm learning.

1202
01:06:49.520 --> 01:06:52.320
Until your son is grown up.

1203
01:06:53.360 --> 01:06:54.200
Yep.

1204
01:06:54.200 --> 01:06:55.020
Thank you.

1205
01:06:55.020 --> 01:06:56.960
Until your son is grown up.

1206
01:06:56.960 --> 01:06:58.280
We appreciate it.

1207
01:06:58.280 --> 01:06:59.920
We appreciate the questions.

1208
01:07:01.160 --> 01:07:02.000
Jennifer.

1209
01:07:03.440 --> 01:07:04.280
Hi.

1210
01:07:05.800 --> 01:07:06.720
Hi.

1211
01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:08.000
Hi.

1212
01:07:08.000 --> 01:07:09.640
So, my question,

1213
01:07:09.640 --> 01:07:13.240
well, I broke up with my boyfriend this past weekend.

1214
01:07:13.240 --> 01:07:15.300
We were dating for months.

1215
01:07:17.220 --> 01:07:19.320
Same age, wanted the same thing.

1216
01:07:20.080 --> 01:07:20.920
Like marriage, family.

1217
01:07:20.920 --> 01:07:24.960
We met on In the Wild, Christian Pickleball League.

1218
01:07:24.960 --> 01:07:26.720
And at first, kind of typical,

1219
01:07:26.720 --> 01:07:28.520
like I was dating some other guys.

1220
01:07:28.520 --> 01:07:30.040
He wasn't my type.

1221
01:07:30.040 --> 01:07:32.980
He was bald and I wasn't super attracted to him,

1222
01:07:32.980 --> 01:07:34.760
but gave him a chance.

1223
01:07:34.760 --> 01:07:36.840
And all my friends loved him

1224
01:07:36.840 --> 01:07:39.180
because he was intentional and kind

1225
01:07:39.180 --> 01:07:41.400
and just direct and didn't play games

1226
01:07:41.400 --> 01:07:44.280
and all the things that we kind of want, right?

1227
01:07:44.280 --> 01:07:47.640
And so, we became exclusive and dated,

1228
01:07:47.640 --> 01:07:48.840
well, the four months.

1229
01:07:49.360 --> 01:07:52.360
So, the first three months were really great.

1230
01:07:52.360 --> 01:07:54.460
We spent a ton of time together.

1231
01:07:55.880 --> 01:07:57.680
Core value of mine is God being

1232
01:07:57.680 --> 01:07:58.960
at the center of my relationship.

1233
01:07:58.960 --> 01:08:03.500
And so, when I didn't start to see that necessarily in him,

1234
01:08:03.500 --> 01:08:07.880
I did bring it up and raise that as an issue.

1235
01:08:07.880 --> 01:08:11.300
And he was like, I don't know why you're concerned.

1236
01:08:11.300 --> 01:08:12.440
I said I was a Christian

1237
01:08:12.440 --> 01:08:15.320
and it's a priority for me as well.

1238
01:08:16.540 --> 01:08:18.680
So, kind of dug into that a little bit more

1239
01:08:19.520 --> 01:08:22.319
and I'm like, well, just examples of that would be like,

1240
01:08:23.359 --> 01:08:25.399
it's not indicative of a relationship with God,

1241
01:08:25.399 --> 01:08:27.880
but it certainly points to him being a priority

1242
01:08:27.880 --> 01:08:30.120
is going to church, reading the word, things like that.

1243
01:08:30.120 --> 01:08:33.240
And we haven't really dug into that on a deeper level.

1244
01:08:33.240 --> 01:08:36.720
But anyway, as time kind of went on,

1245
01:08:36.720 --> 01:08:38.740
I would ask him to go to church.

1246
01:08:38.740 --> 01:08:42.600
A couple of times he said yes, sometimes he would say no.

1247
01:08:42.600 --> 01:08:45.319
And I just didn't see that as,

1248
01:08:45.319 --> 01:08:48.240
I just didn't see, his character is lovely

1249
01:08:48.800 --> 01:08:53.240
and I see all the fruits of peace, patience, kindness,

1250
01:08:53.240 --> 01:08:55.120
gentleness, self-control type of thing,

1251
01:08:55.120 --> 01:08:57.840
but I don't believe he really has

1252
01:08:59.220 --> 01:09:01.920
a relationship with the Lord, to know his nature

1253
01:09:01.920 --> 01:09:04.160
or to go sort of that,

1254
01:09:04.160 --> 01:09:06.160
like a depth of relationship with him.

1255
01:09:06.160 --> 01:09:11.160
And then, so that was always sort of the concern for me.

1256
01:09:12.359 --> 01:09:15.100
And then I would sort of overanalyze spiral of like,

1257
01:09:15.100 --> 01:09:16.319
can I do this forever?

1258
01:09:16.319 --> 01:09:19.399
What is it gonna look like moving forward?

1259
01:09:19.399 --> 01:09:21.319
So that was kind of my first red flag.

1260
01:09:21.319 --> 01:09:23.240
And then the second one was just,

1261
01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:26.439
he couldn't communicate.

1262
01:09:26.439 --> 01:09:28.319
I know that's typical with men,

1263
01:09:28.319 --> 01:09:32.359
but it was more of the like, I couldn't get in deeper.

1264
01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:34.600
And so for me to like fall in love with someone,

1265
01:09:34.600 --> 01:09:37.040
to connect, I need to connect with their heart.

1266
01:09:37.040 --> 01:09:39.399
And I just would always sort of hit a wall

1267
01:09:39.399 --> 01:09:41.960
when I was trying to get anywhere deeper with them.

1268
01:09:43.399 --> 01:09:45.319
So that sort of spiraled into us.

1269
01:09:45.760 --> 01:09:48.520
Yeah, go ahead.

1270
01:09:49.720 --> 01:09:53.680
A deeper communicating about what subjects, any?

1271
01:09:53.680 --> 01:09:57.240
Anything, honestly, like neither one of us,

1272
01:09:57.240 --> 01:10:00.200
like for instance, we didn't grow up with.

1273
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.360
father. And so like, knowing what that was like for myself,

1274
01:10:03.360 --> 01:10:07.120
like, I've tried to ask him about it a little bit. You know,

1275
01:10:07.120 --> 01:10:12.440
how he experienced it, how that affected him. And like, he, he,

1276
01:10:12.480 --> 01:10:15.720
he was, he's almost like surprised by the question. He's

1277
01:10:15.720 --> 01:10:18.560
like, well, I had a grandfather around. And I'm like, yeah, I

1278
01:10:18.560 --> 01:10:21.880
did as well. And, you know, and I knew my grandfather loved me,

1279
01:10:21.880 --> 01:10:24.960
but it was still a different experience of just not having

1280
01:10:24.960 --> 01:10:28.400
that sense of like, identity and security of, you know, having a

1281
01:10:28.400 --> 01:10:32.600
father to, to raise you or speak into your life. And so it so

1282
01:10:32.640 --> 01:10:35.760
things like that, and just like, what's your childhood like what

1283
01:10:35.760 --> 01:10:38.800
your previous relationships, he had a six year relationship, and

1284
01:10:38.800 --> 01:10:42.560
I couldn't get past of like, well, why did it end? And it

1285
01:10:42.560 --> 01:10:45.040
was simply like, well, she wasn't the one. And I'm like,

1286
01:10:45.040 --> 01:10:49.120
okay, well, I'm sure there was more to it than that. But he

1287
01:10:49.120 --> 01:10:53.720
just can't like, it's almost like he just hits a wall with

1288
01:10:53.840 --> 01:10:57.600
any sort of deeper type of question.

1289
01:10:58.160 --> 01:10:59.760
Wait, so you broke up?

1290
01:11:00.280 --> 01:11:00.920
We did.

1291
01:11:02.120 --> 01:11:04.400
Okay. And how long ago was that?

1292
01:11:05.560 --> 01:11:06.520
Saturday.

1293
01:11:08.040 --> 01:11:09.880
Okay, so fresh, fresh,

1294
01:11:09.920 --> 01:11:13.840
very fresh. And it was the attack. So obviously not ideal.

1295
01:11:15.080 --> 01:11:16.000
So I haven't seen

1296
01:11:18.120 --> 01:11:24.000
I know you're hurting. So when you broke up with him, because

1297
01:11:24.000 --> 01:11:26.640
you broke up with him, and when you broke up with him, what

1298
01:11:26.720 --> 01:11:30.440
language did you use? What did you give as the reason after

1299
01:11:30.440 --> 01:11:31.920
four months to break up?

1300
01:11:33.200 --> 01:11:36.840
So it was obviously not ideal. So over the holidays, I was

1301
01:11:36.880 --> 01:11:37.560
visiting

1302
01:11:38.960 --> 01:11:47.120
friends. And I could I had had. So the previous weekend, I, it

1303
01:11:47.120 --> 01:11:49.560
was sort of last minute, but I invited him to go to church with

1304
01:11:49.560 --> 01:11:53.000
me. He said he couldn't do the first one because he was going

1305
01:11:53.000 --> 01:11:56.240
to the gym. And then second service, he was like, it's like

1306
01:11:56.240 --> 01:11:59.200
lunchtime, like, I don't want to do that service. And I was

1307
01:11:59.200 --> 01:12:04.280
like, Okay, so we didn't have communication after that things

1308
01:12:04.280 --> 01:12:07.400
fell off. And then on Monday, I was leaving to go out of town.

1309
01:12:08.040 --> 01:12:10.480
And I was like, Do you want to come over and say goodbye? And

1310
01:12:10.480 --> 01:12:13.680
he's like, Yes, we drove over. It's like goodbye. And I kind of

1311
01:12:13.680 --> 01:12:17.920
just burst into tears. And I'm like, I really, you know, wish

1312
01:12:17.920 --> 01:12:20.760
you would have been honest with me when I asked you early on if

1313
01:12:20.760 --> 01:12:23.640
God was a priority in your life, because I'm like, I'm just not

1314
01:12:23.640 --> 01:12:26.800
seeing it. And I don't know how to move forward without him

1315
01:12:26.800 --> 01:12:29.640
being at the center of our relationship or knowing that at

1316
01:12:29.640 --> 01:12:33.600
least you have a desire to grow and put him there. And so

1317
01:12:33.640 --> 01:12:38.280
question. Yeah. But when you said when you said that to him,

1318
01:12:39.520 --> 01:12:42.600
okay, so hopefully everyone's following the story. Okay, you

1319
01:12:42.600 --> 01:12:46.000
understand you're keeping up. When you said that, you know, I

1320
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:48.120
wish that you would have been honest with me about God, you

1321
01:12:48.120 --> 01:12:50.600
know, being a priority in your life. What was his answer to

1322
01:12:50.640 --> 01:12:53.200
that? Did he answer you? Or did he shut down?

1323
01:12:53.880 --> 01:12:58.200
He shut down a little bit. And it was just like, you expect me

1324
01:12:58.200 --> 01:13:02.720
to be a certain type of man, I think that you like you have in

1325
01:13:02.720 --> 01:13:05.080
your mind this type of Christian man that you're supposed to be

1326
01:13:05.080 --> 01:13:09.200
with. And I'm like, No, I'm like, I don't need you to be me

1327
01:13:09.200 --> 01:13:12.440
per se. But I'm like, I just need to know that there is a

1328
01:13:12.440 --> 01:13:17.080
dead sire and a desire for growth. But he did sort of shut

1329
01:13:17.080 --> 01:13:20.040
down and got a little defensive. Okay.

1330
01:13:21.520 --> 01:13:25.160
Okay. So everyone, and this isn't about necessarily

1331
01:13:25.160 --> 01:13:28.200
Jennifer's situation, but this is for all of you. Okay, just

1332
01:13:28.200 --> 01:13:32.320
for the purpose of an example for learning that, you know,

1333
01:13:32.360 --> 01:13:36.800
church attendance, in my opinion, does not is not

1334
01:13:36.800 --> 01:13:40.480
indicative of spiritual desire. Okay, not in this day and age.

1335
01:13:40.880 --> 01:13:43.320
There's a lot of churches that will actually stunt your

1336
01:13:43.320 --> 01:13:46.960
spiritual growth if you go to them. And I don't hate the local

1337
01:13:46.960 --> 01:13:49.800
church. I don't want you guys to hear what I'm not saying. But

1338
01:13:49.800 --> 01:13:55.720
I have had the privilege to work on staff for churches, to go to

1339
01:13:55.720 --> 01:13:58.680
lots of churches for the purpose of me being on the platform to

1340
01:13:58.680 --> 01:14:01.360
minister and to cross denominational lines

1341
01:14:01.360 --> 01:14:03.840
everywhere. And there are churches that are going after

1342
01:14:03.840 --> 01:14:06.080
growth that are really healthy spiritual communities where

1343
01:14:06.080 --> 01:14:08.560
people are growing and getting breakthrough. And there are

1344
01:14:08.560 --> 01:14:12.000
spiritual communities or churches that are church

1345
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:15.360
incorporated church, Inc, their businesses, and it's all about

1346
01:14:15.360 --> 01:14:18.320
the money. It's all about getting butts in the seats.

1347
01:14:18.360 --> 01:14:22.040
It's like big pharma. They make you sick by teaching you

1348
01:14:22.040 --> 01:14:24.800
legalism so that you will continue to come back to them

1349
01:14:24.800 --> 01:14:29.080
for the cure. It's a real problem. Okay. And so people are

1350
01:14:29.080 --> 01:14:31.680
deconstructing religion right now. They really are. They're

1351
01:14:31.680 --> 01:14:34.680
deconstructing, not their faith, but they're reconstructed.

1352
01:14:34.680 --> 01:14:37.640
They're deconstructing a faith that has been sold to them

1353
01:14:37.640 --> 01:14:41.320
that's making them sick. And a lot of people don't even want to

1354
01:14:41.320 --> 01:14:45.240
get involved in churches because of some kind of past experience.

1355
01:14:45.520 --> 01:14:48.480
And so Jennifer doesn't know what this guy's past experience

1356
01:14:48.480 --> 01:14:52.520
is with church or with, you know, any of this because he's

1357
01:14:52.520 --> 01:14:58.080
not opening up. Right, right. And I will tell you that this

1358
01:14:58.080 --> 01:15:00.000
type of dynamic between the two of you

1359
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.340
So it's not likely that he would open up with you

1360
01:15:03.340 --> 01:15:05.320
because he feels judged by you.

1361
01:15:06.640 --> 01:15:08.680
It's sad that it has to end,

1362
01:15:08.680 --> 01:15:13.680
but there are people who can receive grace

1363
01:15:15.280 --> 01:15:20.280
to date and even marry people

1364
01:15:21.080 --> 01:15:25.720
that are not traditionally Christians.

1365
01:15:25.720 --> 01:15:27.240
And what I mean by traditionally Christians,

1366
01:15:27.240 --> 01:15:29.880
what we would measure the metrics of,

1367
01:15:29.880 --> 01:15:32.680
oh, they know these scriptures

1368
01:15:32.680 --> 01:15:34.340
and they go to church this many times

1369
01:15:34.340 --> 01:15:35.600
and they serve at their church,

1370
01:15:35.600 --> 01:15:37.820
or they pray this way,

1371
01:15:37.820 --> 01:15:40.640
or they pray to God this many times.

1372
01:15:40.640 --> 01:15:43.640
Guys, those days are really over.

1373
01:15:43.640 --> 01:15:45.480
They really, really are, okay?

1374
01:15:45.480 --> 01:15:49.080
And it was never the metric in the first place, okay?

1375
01:15:49.080 --> 01:15:51.000
And the early church and the birth of the church

1376
01:15:51.000 --> 01:15:51.920
in the book of Acts,

1377
01:15:51.920 --> 01:15:53.920
nothing that we have nowadays

1378
01:15:53.920 --> 01:15:57.800
looks like that type of family and community.

1379
01:15:57.800 --> 01:15:59.320
And hopefully we can get back to that.

1380
01:15:59.320 --> 01:16:01.520
I feel like our generation is called

1381
01:16:01.520 --> 01:16:06.200
to create places like this where people can learn

1382
01:16:06.200 --> 01:16:08.640
and they can grow and they can feel seen, known and loved.

1383
01:16:08.640 --> 01:16:13.200
And it's not about any kind of agenda

1384
01:16:13.200 --> 01:16:15.980
on the part of the business that is the church

1385
01:16:15.980 --> 01:16:19.440
to get us to do a certain thing and act a certain way.

1386
01:16:19.440 --> 01:16:24.440
And so if you cannot have understanding and grace,

1387
01:16:25.440 --> 01:16:29.800
this is nothing on Jennifer, okay?

1388
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:31.920
If you cannot have understanding and grace

1389
01:16:31.920 --> 01:16:36.040
for someone who does not worship the way you do,

1390
01:16:36.040 --> 01:16:39.240
they're not engaging God in their faith

1391
01:16:39.240 --> 01:16:41.080
the same way that you've been taught.

1392
01:16:41.080 --> 01:16:44.800
Sometimes you've been taught is the only way to engage.

1393
01:16:44.800 --> 01:16:47.040
Because I run into this in Simba all the time,

1394
01:16:47.040 --> 01:16:48.300
save your marriage before it starts,

1395
01:16:48.300 --> 01:16:50.160
which by the way is our premarital course.

1396
01:16:50.160 --> 01:16:52.640
If you are premarital and you want to take that course,

1397
01:16:52.640 --> 01:16:53.960
email us.

1398
01:16:54.480 --> 01:16:56.640
But there's a whole section on spirituality

1399
01:16:56.640 --> 01:16:58.760
and the people that come to the course,

1400
01:16:58.760 --> 01:17:01.000
they have to talk about what's our spiritual life

1401
01:17:01.000 --> 01:17:03.000
gonna look like together?

1402
01:17:03.000 --> 01:17:04.280
What's it look like?

1403
01:17:04.280 --> 01:17:06.740
I will tell you, my husband does not worship the Lord

1404
01:17:06.740 --> 01:17:09.120
the way I do at all.

1405
01:17:09.120 --> 01:17:12.320
David was raised in the church, I wasn't.

1406
01:17:12.320 --> 01:17:15.400
He went to Christian school, he was raised in the church.

1407
01:17:15.400 --> 01:17:17.960
He was on staff at a mega church for 15 years.

1408
01:17:17.960 --> 01:17:19.840
He went to that church for 27 years.

1409
01:17:19.840 --> 01:17:23.120
He met his wife in the youth group, his first wife.

1410
01:17:23.120 --> 01:17:26.440
They got married, they both worked at the church.

1411
01:17:26.440 --> 01:17:28.240
He was the youth pastor of that mega church.

1412
01:17:28.240 --> 01:17:30.600
He was the worship pastor of that mega church.

1413
01:17:30.600 --> 01:17:32.920
He was in full-time ministry.

1414
01:17:32.920 --> 01:17:34.680
We don't have the same background.

1415
01:17:34.680 --> 01:17:38.600
I met Jesus in my 20s, I was a train wreck, okay?

1416
01:17:38.600 --> 01:17:41.200
I had all kinds of issues and addictions and problems

1417
01:17:41.200 --> 01:17:43.520
and that's why the heart work exists, you guys.

1418
01:17:43.520 --> 01:17:46.700
So you can thank all of my torn up past for the heart work.

1419
01:17:46.700 --> 01:17:50.520
But the bottom line is, is that by the time David and I met

1420
01:17:50.520 --> 01:17:53.160
and married, I was not just a believer,

1421
01:17:53.160 --> 01:17:54.960
but I was a radical believer.

1422
01:17:54.960 --> 01:17:57.240
I had a conversion experience in my 20s

1423
01:17:57.240 --> 01:18:01.200
and I had been serving God and following Jesus

1424
01:18:01.200 --> 01:18:03.840
in a way that a lot of people don't.

1425
01:18:03.840 --> 01:18:05.000
Like really following him.

1426
01:18:05.000 --> 01:18:06.640
It's not about my church attendance,

1427
01:18:06.640 --> 01:18:09.220
not about anything, it's about me and Jesus.

1428
01:18:09.220 --> 01:18:11.120
It's about a personal relationship

1429
01:18:11.120 --> 01:18:13.700
that he continues to fill my life with mentors.

1430
01:18:13.700 --> 01:18:15.560
He continues to fill my life with upgrades

1431
01:18:15.560 --> 01:18:17.320
and opportunities for upgrades

1432
01:18:17.320 --> 01:18:20.160
that look like nothing to do with church, okay?

1433
01:18:21.080 --> 01:18:23.960
As that's happening, okay, I meet David

1434
01:18:23.960 --> 01:18:27.840
and I'm already walking with Jesus for what,

1435
01:18:27.840 --> 01:18:29.880
12, 13, 14 years by then.

1436
01:18:29.880 --> 01:18:33.640
I've been with walking with Jesus for 28 years now.

1437
01:18:33.640 --> 01:18:37.720
But even though my husband is also a very strong Christian,

1438
01:18:37.720 --> 01:18:40.560
our faith does not look anything alike.

1439
01:18:40.560 --> 01:18:42.620
The way he worships God, when I first married him,

1440
01:18:42.620 --> 01:18:44.520
I'm like, are you even saved?

1441
01:18:44.520 --> 01:18:45.720
Seriously.

1442
01:18:45.720 --> 01:18:48.240
I mean, you don't intercede,

1443
01:18:48.240 --> 01:18:50.020
you don't seem to have any compassion

1444
01:18:50.020 --> 01:18:51.760
for the poor or the widow.

1445
01:18:51.760 --> 01:18:53.080
Like what's going on with you?

1446
01:18:53.080 --> 01:18:56.000
Like, you've been in church way longer than me.

1447
01:18:56.000 --> 01:18:57.040
You know, what about this?

1448
01:18:57.040 --> 01:18:57.880
What about that?

1449
01:18:57.880 --> 01:18:59.600
And I was judging him

1450
01:18:59.600 --> 01:19:02.760
and I was judging his relationship with God

1451
01:19:02.760 --> 01:19:06.480
and his worship based on gift sets

1452
01:19:06.480 --> 01:19:10.160
and things that I thought should be on the outside

1453
01:19:10.160 --> 01:19:13.880
as far as different things, okay?

1454
01:19:13.880 --> 01:19:18.160
But this man is loyal and faithful.

1455
01:19:18.160 --> 01:19:21.040
When it was important, he knew what God was saying.

1456
01:19:21.040 --> 01:19:22.260
He is wise.

1457
01:19:22.260 --> 01:19:24.760
He has the gifts of wisdom and the gifts of faith.

1458
01:19:25.720 --> 01:19:29.320
You know, music is where he connects to God.

1459
01:19:29.320 --> 01:19:31.520
One of the questions is, how do you connect to God?

1460
01:19:31.520 --> 01:19:33.480
Some people connect to God in nature.

1461
01:19:33.480 --> 01:19:37.440
Some people connect to God in music.

1462
01:19:37.440 --> 01:19:40.080
Some people connect to God in study of the word.

1463
01:19:40.080 --> 01:19:42.680
Some people connect to God best in prayer.

1464
01:19:42.680 --> 01:19:44.400
And so it's really important to understand

1465
01:19:44.400 --> 01:19:48.480
that we are all very, very different

1466
01:19:48.480 --> 01:19:53.360
and we cannot judge other people's, you know, worship.

1467
01:19:53.360 --> 01:19:55.360
We can't judge other people's worship

1468
01:19:55.360 --> 01:19:58.080
because they don't worship the way that we worship.

1469
01:19:58.080 --> 01:20:00.040
And once again, it's not about Jennifer.

1470
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.860
Okay, this is about, there are a lot of people out there

1471
01:20:02.860 --> 01:20:05.160
that they want to not to God,

1472
01:20:05.160 --> 01:20:07.320
wanna be connected to his people.

1473
01:20:07.320 --> 01:20:10.760
But if we insist that they connect to us,

1474
01:20:10.760 --> 01:20:12.120
not even just romantically,

1475
01:20:12.120 --> 01:20:14.400
but if we insist that they connect to us

1476
01:20:14.400 --> 01:20:18.160
in a way that we think is the proper or right way

1477
01:20:18.160 --> 01:20:21.640
to show that they are, you know,

1478
01:20:21.640 --> 01:20:24.280
a God person or a Christ follower,

1479
01:20:24.280 --> 01:20:26.640
then we're gonna be missing out on some of the things

1480
01:20:26.680 --> 01:20:30.240
that are gonna be happening in this new wave.

1481
01:20:30.240 --> 01:20:33.280
Okay, there's a new wave coming of kingdom people,

1482
01:20:33.280 --> 01:20:35.760
and they're not gonna be church people.

1483
01:20:35.760 --> 01:20:37.040
Okay, they're not.

1484
01:20:37.040 --> 01:20:39.520
There's gonna be spiritual communities that rise up

1485
01:20:39.520 --> 01:20:41.760
that have nothing to do with buildings.

1486
01:20:41.760 --> 01:20:45.120
They have to do with different paths that people are on,

1487
01:20:45.120 --> 01:20:46.200
like business, you guys.

1488
01:20:46.200 --> 01:20:50.680
I learn more with the business group that I'm involved with

1489
01:20:50.680 --> 01:20:53.600
about God and about his grace and about his wisdom

1490
01:20:53.600 --> 01:20:55.260
and prophecy and all different things

1491
01:20:55.260 --> 01:20:58.260
than I have ever learned inside the walls of a church.

1492
01:20:58.260 --> 01:21:00.100
Okay, there's just so much.

1493
01:21:00.100 --> 01:21:02.220
And so for those of you that love the church,

1494
01:21:02.220 --> 01:21:03.300
you love the local church,

1495
01:21:03.300 --> 01:21:05.140
you actually have a spiritual community

1496
01:21:05.140 --> 01:21:08.320
that you call church that is healthy and thriving,

1497
01:21:08.320 --> 01:21:09.800
good on you.

1498
01:21:09.800 --> 01:21:12.460
But there's lots and lots and lots of people who don't.

1499
01:21:12.460 --> 01:21:14.140
There's lots of people that have been abused

1500
01:21:14.140 --> 01:21:17.100
by that entity in that institution,

1501
01:21:17.100 --> 01:21:18.740
and they are never gonna darken the doors

1502
01:21:18.740 --> 01:21:20.860
of anything that even smells like that again.

1503
01:21:20.860 --> 01:21:22.300
There's just so much going on here.

1504
01:21:22.300 --> 01:21:24.420
And the reason why I'm telling you guys this

1505
01:21:24.420 --> 01:21:27.500
is because some of you in this great harvest

1506
01:21:27.500 --> 01:21:30.220
that's coming in, okay,

1507
01:21:30.220 --> 01:21:33.800
there are gonna be people that are your spirit mates.

1508
01:21:33.800 --> 01:21:37.140
They have all the potential to walk this assignment

1509
01:21:37.140 --> 01:21:40.600
of your life out with you in love and in humility,

1510
01:21:40.600 --> 01:21:42.620
but you might turn your nose up at them

1511
01:21:42.620 --> 01:21:45.500
if you have an idea, just like Andy said,

1512
01:21:45.500 --> 01:21:47.580
he doesn't look the way I thought,

1513
01:21:47.580 --> 01:21:51.180
but a lot of you are picturing a spiritual thing too.

1514
01:21:51.180 --> 01:21:53.880
And if they don't, if they're not the way you think

1515
01:21:54.280 --> 01:21:55.520
it should look spiritually,

1516
01:21:55.520 --> 01:21:57.800
you're not gonna pay attention.

1517
01:21:57.800 --> 01:22:00.620
And so I really wanna encourage you to follow peace

1518
01:22:00.620 --> 01:22:01.840
when you're out there.

1519
01:22:01.840 --> 01:22:05.120
If you're someone that has the grace to receive the word,

1520
01:22:05.120 --> 01:22:08.440
to be able to be with people that are mavericks

1521
01:22:08.440 --> 01:22:11.720
and that are not like the norm when it comes to faith,

1522
01:22:11.720 --> 01:22:14.440
if you're one of those people that can receive that word,

1523
01:22:14.440 --> 01:22:17.200
then I really want to just encourage you.

1524
01:22:17.200 --> 01:22:19.180
As far as you're concerned, Jennifer,

1525
01:22:19.180 --> 01:22:21.280
lots of things going on here.

1526
01:22:21.280 --> 01:22:26.280
This is someone who definitely is not emotionally,

1527
01:22:26.560 --> 01:22:29.280
is not connected to their emotions.

1528
01:22:29.280 --> 01:22:32.380
They're not able to trust and let someone in deeper.

1529
01:22:32.380 --> 01:22:34.840
Like he's not letting you in, okay?

1530
01:22:34.840 --> 01:22:37.600
He's not letting, you've been dating for four months

1531
01:22:37.600 --> 01:22:39.120
and you wanna go deep.

1532
01:22:39.120 --> 01:22:40.760
Here's one thing I want you to know about yourself.

1533
01:22:40.760 --> 01:22:41.740
Write this down.

1534
01:22:41.740 --> 01:22:44.000
You're a deep person, okay?

1535
01:22:44.000 --> 01:22:47.600
And you need a partner who you can go deep with.

1536
01:22:47.600 --> 01:22:50.800
You wanna talk about deep feelings.

1537
01:22:51.320 --> 01:22:52.760
I wrote all this stuff down, you said.

1538
01:22:52.760 --> 01:22:55.400
You want to, I almost call it therapy talk.

1539
01:22:55.400 --> 01:22:57.360
You wanna go deep into inner healing

1540
01:22:57.360 --> 01:22:58.760
and how did that make you feel?

1541
01:22:58.760 --> 01:23:03.280
And like, you wanna know this person intimately,

1542
01:23:03.280 --> 01:23:04.880
like really intimately.

1543
01:23:05.800 --> 01:23:07.800
There are some questions here that,

1544
01:23:07.800 --> 01:23:09.240
I've been married for 17 years

1545
01:23:09.240 --> 01:23:12.000
and I don't know about my husband

1546
01:23:12.000 --> 01:23:16.400
because we just discover each other constantly.

1547
01:23:16.400 --> 01:23:18.560
It's just such a beautiful experience

1548
01:23:18.560 --> 01:23:22.440
to be able to discover each other more and more and more.

1549
01:23:22.440 --> 01:23:25.080
I just recently told my husband a story from my childhood

1550
01:23:25.080 --> 01:23:26.040
that he had never heard.

1551
01:23:26.040 --> 01:23:28.120
He's been married to me for 17 years.

1552
01:23:28.120 --> 01:23:30.480
He's like, babe, I never heard that story before.

1553
01:23:30.480 --> 01:23:33.560
And I was like, yeah, I just didn't feel

1554
01:23:33.560 --> 01:23:35.720
like sharing it before now, but you know,

1555
01:23:35.720 --> 01:23:37.840
it's healing in this moment.

1556
01:23:37.840 --> 01:23:42.840
You guys be willing to allow things to really just unfold

1557
01:23:43.600 --> 01:23:48.600
and don't need to have it all at the beginning, okay?

1558
01:23:51.680 --> 01:23:54.920
And so Jennifer, you are hurting right now.

1559
01:23:54.920 --> 01:23:58.240
That means that you definitely had a strong connection.

1560
01:23:59.120 --> 01:24:00.040
Is he hurting?

1561
01:24:02.240 --> 01:24:04.320
Probably. Do you know?

1562
01:24:04.320 --> 01:24:05.160
I haven't.

1563
01:24:05.160 --> 01:24:08.480
Was he, do you feel like he was brokenhearted

1564
01:24:08.480 --> 01:24:09.440
when you broke up with him?

1565
01:24:09.440 --> 01:24:14.440
Did he try to get you not to, I guess is what I want to say.

1566
01:24:18.560 --> 01:24:20.640
No, I think he got frustrated.

1567
01:24:22.720 --> 01:24:26.600
I just asked if he decided to grow in our relationship

1568
01:24:28.000 --> 01:24:30.480
in general and wanted to continue dating.

1569
01:24:30.480 --> 01:24:33.360
And we just kept, he just said, yeah.

1570
01:24:33.360 --> 01:24:37.280
And for me, I needed, I think, a little sense of security

1571
01:24:37.320 --> 01:24:39.840
and it's just like, I would get one word answers.

1572
01:24:39.840 --> 01:24:44.480
And so I'm like, I'm really not convinced, I think,

1573
01:24:44.480 --> 01:24:47.600
by the lack of sort of emotion

1574
01:24:47.600 --> 01:24:50.560
or like desire to continue dating.

1575
01:24:50.560 --> 01:24:53.080
And I asked him like, do you want to break up?

1576
01:24:53.080 --> 01:24:55.160
Like, it's okay if you do.

1577
01:24:55.160 --> 01:24:57.200
And he's like, just getting frustrated.

1578
01:24:57.200 --> 01:24:59.600
And he's like, I guess at this point it might be best.

1579
01:24:59.600 --> 01:25:00.440
So that's cool.

1580
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:12.560
of how we left it. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So there's, there's just a whole lot going on there.

1581
01:25:12.560 --> 01:25:20.240
And as far as, you know, him feeling like, you know, basically he's not what you're looking for.

1582
01:25:20.240 --> 01:25:28.320
Right. He, he knows that you want him to be something that he does not feel equipped to be.

1583
01:25:29.200 --> 01:25:33.520
And so that's very frustrating because I'm sure that he cares about you. You seem like an amazing

1584
01:25:33.520 --> 01:25:43.360
girl. And so, you know, being with someone who is further along in their faith expression and

1585
01:25:43.360 --> 01:25:50.800
that they're able to really, you know, share that with you and be able to be in that with you,

1586
01:25:50.800 --> 01:25:56.560
whether it's at a church or not. I think that makes more sense for you at this time. And so

1587
01:25:56.560 --> 01:26:06.480
what I'm going to ask you to do as you're healing, this is you know, when you meet someone,

1588
01:26:06.480 --> 01:26:09.680
you should just know this about yourself and just go ahead and make it a non-negotiable.

1589
01:26:11.200 --> 01:26:17.520
Just go ahead and make it a non-negotiable. It's okay. You know this is, this is, this is what

1590
01:26:17.520 --> 01:26:21.040
you have grace for you guys. We all have grace for something different. You know that, right?

1591
01:26:22.000 --> 01:26:26.320
I have a friend. Okay. She's a close friend. She's part of that business thing that I told

1592
01:26:26.320 --> 01:26:33.760
you guys about just now. And I know her in that context, but her husband's never at that thing.

1593
01:26:34.880 --> 01:26:39.280
Until just recently, he was there a couple of times, but I hadn't met him yet is what I want

1594
01:26:39.280 --> 01:26:44.400
to say, but I had met her. She's actually a veterinarian. She's very successful. She's amazing.

1595
01:26:45.120 --> 01:26:52.080
And, and just really loves God. Like I saw her in so many spiritual contexts because we

1596
01:26:52.080 --> 01:26:56.400
have spiritual contacts together at some of these conferences and different things.

1597
01:26:56.400 --> 01:27:02.320
And she's just an incredible person and lover of God. We happen to be on the same plane because

1598
01:27:02.320 --> 01:27:06.080
we both live in Austin, Texas. We happen to be on the same plane going home from one of

1599
01:27:06.080 --> 01:27:09.280
these conferences. And I'll never forget this conversation. I think it's important for all

1600
01:27:09.280 --> 01:27:13.120
of you as we close up tonight, we'll go ahead and do that. Never will I ever, Bethany, if you're

1601
01:27:13.120 --> 01:27:19.520
ready, we'll do that for just a couple of minutes, just to end on a fun note. But she was, I got to

1602
01:27:19.520 --> 01:27:23.840
my gate and there she was. And I'm like, oh, you're on my plane. And I sat down next to her

1603
01:27:23.840 --> 01:27:28.240
and, you know, we started talking, we started having a deeper conversation because we're not

1604
01:27:28.240 --> 01:27:32.080
surrounded by other people. We're not at a conference. There's not a million things going on.

1605
01:27:32.080 --> 01:27:35.920
And so I started saying, Hey, you know, what's your husband like? And I started, you know,

1606
01:27:35.920 --> 01:27:41.120
asking her questions and different things. And she said you know, I said, I, you know,

1607
01:27:41.120 --> 01:27:45.520
I never see him in anything. She goes, yeah, he's agnostic. And for those of you that don't know

1608
01:27:45.520 --> 01:27:49.600
what that means, that's someone who really hasn't made up their mind about whether God is real or

1609
01:27:49.600 --> 01:27:59.920
not. Okay. And I said, oh, I said I said, did you, and you guys, this is, this is me. Like I said

1610
01:27:59.920 --> 01:28:03.440
this and I'm going to admit to you that I said it. And maybe you guys would have said this too.

1611
01:28:03.440 --> 01:28:09.520
I know her as this amazing, vibrant, spiritually alive person. And I said to her, I said, oh, I

1612
01:28:09.600 --> 01:28:14.160
said, did you guys get married young? Like, did you meet Jesus after you got married?

1613
01:28:14.160 --> 01:28:21.840
And she got super offended. And she's like, yeah, she's like, no, actually what she said was Jackie,

1614
01:28:23.040 --> 01:28:26.080
I really like you so much. She's like, please don't be like that.

1615
01:28:28.880 --> 01:28:35.120
And I was like, what, like what, like what, you know, it's, I mean, I offend people,

1616
01:28:35.120 --> 01:28:38.240
you guys, I'm a really direct person. So I'm like, what, like, what did I say? She goes,

1617
01:28:38.240 --> 01:28:43.600
don't be like that. I said like, what she's like, like, I couldn't love him and fall in love with

1618
01:28:43.600 --> 01:28:50.160
him and marry him just because he's not exactly like us kind of thing. And I was like, okay,

1619
01:28:50.160 --> 01:28:57.600
this is new to me. We'll have this conversation. And so we begin to have a conversation about how,

1620
01:28:57.600 --> 01:29:02.320
you know, she met him, you know, she didn't marry him out of desperation. They've been married for

1621
01:29:02.320 --> 01:29:06.320
a long time, by the way, y'all they've been married for like 20 years and he's an amazing

1622
01:29:06.320 --> 01:29:10.080
guy. I ended up meeting him. He came to the next thing. And then, and then they were at church

1623
01:29:10.080 --> 01:29:14.640
together and I met him there and all the different things that were happening. And basically she said,

1624
01:29:14.640 --> 01:29:19.760
look, she's like, I know that we're not supposed to be unequally yoked and all the things she's

1625
01:29:19.760 --> 01:29:25.280
like, but God knows things about him that I don't know about him. And I will tell you that from the

1626
01:29:25.280 --> 01:29:31.600
very first moment I ever met him, I just had a piece that, you know, this was the man for me to

1627
01:29:31.680 --> 01:29:36.240
marry and my partner. And she said, and he's been an amazing partner. She said, he has shown me more

1628
01:29:36.240 --> 01:29:40.720
grace and more love than anyone I've ever met in my life. She said, he supports me in everything.

1629
01:29:41.600 --> 01:29:47.520
She said, spiritually speaking, she said he has had more wisdom. And so basically even he doesn't

1630
01:29:47.520 --> 01:29:54.160
really know if this is someone who actually has had a God experience and has now become skeptical

1631
01:29:54.160 --> 01:29:58.640
about some things in his life because of, you know, things that have happened and experiences

1632
01:29:58.640 --> 01:29:59.680
that he's had.

1633
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.120
but she has the grace to be in partnership with this man and to move forward. And I know for

1634
01:30:05.120 --> 01:30:09.760
those of you that are like, wow, you know, I don't know, blah, blah, blah. Well, the Corinthians had

1635
01:30:09.760 --> 01:30:15.200
the same grace. And Paul even said, Hey, if your spouses want to stay with you, even though your

1636
01:30:15.200 --> 01:30:20.320
expression of faith, you know, has become this Christianity and following Jesus, but they are

1637
01:30:20.320 --> 01:30:26.320
happy to dwell with you in peace, then do it. Right. And so I just want to let you know,

1638
01:30:26.320 --> 01:30:31.600
different strokes for different folks. We cannot judge other people's, um, assignments. We can't

1639
01:30:31.600 --> 01:30:37.360
judge other people's graces. Um, we can't make sense of it. There's so many different scriptures

1640
01:30:37.360 --> 01:30:43.520
about these topics, and we really don't know people's hearts only God does. And so it's

1641
01:30:43.520 --> 01:30:47.520
really important. I'm not telling you to go out there and missionary date. So please don't take

1642
01:30:47.520 --> 01:30:52.640
that from this. I hate that phrase, missionary dating. I will tell you that we all have different

1643
01:30:52.640 --> 01:30:57.920
grace. And when we are close to God, and when we are listening to God, he will give us grace to do

1644
01:30:57.920 --> 01:31:03.280
things that maybe other people might raise their eyebrows at, but you know what? It's not their

1645
01:31:03.280 --> 01:31:08.240
assignment and journey. It's yours. And so I'm just hoping that that will help someone along

1646
01:31:08.240 --> 01:31:14.880
the line, Jennifer, we're praying for you as you navigate this. Um, do not be afraid to get with

1647
01:31:14.880 --> 01:31:20.560
God in this season and really allow him to give you non-negotiables that are from heaven and to

1648
01:31:20.560 --> 01:31:27.200
stick with that. Um, as you navigate, you know, towards, uh, get married in, you know, as you

1649
01:31:27.200 --> 01:31:32.000
navigate towards meeting people and meeting your spirit mate and getting married, um, you know,

1650
01:31:32.000 --> 01:31:38.640
there, there isn't a reason to, uh, to do anything that you don't have grace for hoping that it'll

1651
01:31:38.640 --> 01:31:43.680
change or it'll be different. We don't want to do that. And we also, if we do have grace for

1652
01:31:43.680 --> 01:31:47.840
something, we want to go ahead and receive that grace instead of pushing it away because of a

1653
01:31:47.840 --> 01:31:54.000
religious consciousness. You guys, if God's giving you grace, don't argue with peace in your heart

1654
01:31:54.000 --> 01:32:01.520
because you have legalistic, um, anxiety in your head. It doesn't matter what your head says. Well,

1655
01:32:04.160 --> 01:32:09.040
what's your heart say? If you have peace in your heart, you know, you have a relationship with

1656
01:32:09.040 --> 01:32:14.160
Jesus. You have peace in your heart. You know, you're navigating something, you know, go with

1657
01:32:14.160 --> 01:32:19.760
the peace in your heart, allow God to defend you, allow God to, you know, continue to order your

1658
01:32:19.760 --> 01:32:27.440
steps and don't try to spiritualize it away. Okay. Don't try to intellectually spiritualize it away.

1659
01:32:28.320 --> 01:32:32.640
All right. Hopefully some of you had the grace to receive that message. Some of you also might

1660
01:32:32.640 --> 01:32:39.040
quit this program because you're like, Jackie's a heretic. Well, you know, here we are. So never

1661
01:32:39.040 --> 01:32:45.120
will I ever, or, you know, however we want to say it, let's play a fun game so we can end on a good

1662
01:32:45.120 --> 01:32:51.280
note. And what do you got Bethany? Okay. So this may not be inappropriate, but I think it's going

1663
01:32:51.280 --> 01:32:57.120
to be fun. Um, this is one, as soon as I saw it, I think the guys are going to like this. The ladies

1664
01:32:57.120 --> 01:33:03.680
might like it too. This would be one. My husband would want on there. Never will I ever. Wait,

1665
01:33:03.920 --> 01:33:10.160
you gotta explain how it works. Wait, you gotta explain how it works. No, no. They have to raise

1666
01:33:10.160 --> 01:33:16.080
a little avatar hand if it's true. Like you got to tell them. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So if I say never

1667
01:33:16.080 --> 01:33:22.320
will I ever, you're going to raise your hand if you agree with it or you've done it and you won't

1668
01:33:22.320 --> 01:33:27.360
raise your hand if you don't agree with it or you haven't done it. Okay. So you'll raise your hand

1669
01:33:27.360 --> 01:33:32.160
if you agree with it or you've done it. That's, that's the main thing to remember. All right. So

1670
01:33:32.160 --> 01:33:41.600
never will I ever call diehard a Christmas movie. I will call it a Christmas movie. It is a

1671
01:33:41.600 --> 01:33:49.280
Christmas movie. The guys are excited. Paul, I see you cheering over there. That's great. You guys,

1672
01:33:49.280 --> 01:33:54.560
by the way, I saw red one. If you are thinking about seeing it, see it. It's hilarious. It's

1673
01:33:54.560 --> 01:33:59.760
such a good movie. You're going to like it. It's like the diehard of 2024. Okay.

1674
01:34:01.520 --> 01:34:04.000
All right. Awesome. Okay. Go ahead and put your hands down

1675
01:34:06.640 --> 01:34:09.360
here. I'll just lower all the hands after you do it. Okay. Okay. Cool.

1676
01:34:10.080 --> 01:34:15.520
All right. Um, never have I ever kissed a Santa or a Santa's helper.

1677
01:34:19.520 --> 01:34:22.240
Have you ever kissed a Santa or a Santa's helper?

1678
01:34:24.640 --> 01:34:26.240
Like a Jagger raising her hand there too.

1679
01:34:29.440 --> 01:34:35.920
Okay. Look at all those hands. A lot of sin. You guys realize you're raising your hand. You have

1680
01:34:35.920 --> 01:34:40.640
kissed a Santa or a Santa's helper. You're saying you have just so you know, it's a double negative.

1681
01:34:40.640 --> 01:34:44.480
It's a double. So what I want to know is just so you know, if you raise your hand for any of

1682
01:34:44.480 --> 01:34:50.320
these questions, you're saying, yes, I have. Okay. Next. Yeah. So what we want to know is,

1683
01:34:50.480 --> 01:34:55.760
did they have the Santa outfits on y'all? That would be really interesting. All right. How about,

1684
01:34:57.440 --> 01:34:58.240
um,

1685
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.000
Okay, how about this one's going to be more just light hearted.

1686
01:35:04.000 --> 01:35:06.760
I'm gonna, I'm gonna end, I'm gonna end this.