e you know I tell people all the time it's so interesting that I don't know if this is the
same for y'all but as we age it seems like it shouldn't be this way because Jesus is the reason
for the season but the other part of Christmas just kind of loses its with me so it's like
yes Christmas Eve but it's not like it was when I guess was younger um so I don't know
uh anybody else have that if you you know that thought I know you have children it kind of keeps
it alive for them um but us ladies in our family we spend Christmas Eve cooking the children spend
Christmas Eve being excited that Christmas is tomorrow and then I'm sitting thinking
Christmas has come and gone like how did it do that it's like it's been a whole year it's come
and gone anybody agrees oh man and so anyway I have a few notes to get us rolling is that
I think I know everybody here even if I don't say your name right so I don't believe we have anyone
new if we do say me and then I'll welcome you um and all you guys know me and so I have some
notes on my phone that I need to share because they're not on the notes that I printed out and
somehow I closed them but hello everyone I'm opening them we want to remind you guys about
prophesy your year that's coming up and so I have that exact date right here
for you guys so that you can remember all right so the emails have been sent out for prophesy
your year if you did not get your email let's say you signed up you didn't get your email check your
spam and if there's still a problem you want to just submit an email if you didn't get what you
needed for prophesy your year you want to remember that that is a $50 session hey Marie
um and uh that's the cost for it's a special session but you would have had to watch Bethany's
Hicks session about prophecy prior which is a free session it's on replay so go ahead and grab
that because that's gonna that's a prerequisite it prepares you for prophesy your year which is
an amazing event which I encourage all of you guys to do that session to prophesy your year
if you've never done it before let's say you may be thinking I don't know nothing about prophecy
I don't do that's why you watch the prerequisite video before that um God is always speaking he's
always saying something the Bible says that his thoughts toward us are more than the sand of the
seashore and so he is always saying something and he loves when we partner with him to see the
kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven starting with our life he's looking for partners in the
earth and you're it not your pastor not not not the intercessor not the evangelist not you
you're his partners we're his agents in the earth to see his kingdom come and so he loves
to partner with us I'm just adding this is not even on the notes my sister and I for the last
three years maybe even four we get together at the end of every month to for the next month
the Lord told us to do this years ago and what we do is we pray we worship and we share what
we hear the Lord saying he told us to partner with him every month for what he wants to do
that month and so we just listen to see what Evan is saying whatever we think he's saying and we
write it down and we keep that at the front of our minds as we go through the month we also we
just switch it up to different scripture readings but we will she'll take the first 15 days of the
month I'll take the last 15 days of the month and we'll get a prophetic word for each day of the
each day of the week and so it was always like this tree like what was the word for today
that's exactly what happened and so it's just that being in sync with the Lord and
knowing that this month he wants to do this and looking for it right so this month he wants to
more I don't know more of uh resilience in me when tough times when things hard things come
I won't thank oh poor me I'm just having a rough time this month but I already heard from heaven
that he wants to be a resilience in me and so when it comes I'm partnering with it I'm like bring it
on I'm looking for a challenge I'm looking for a task because the Lord is building something in me
right and so that is the advantage we get when we know what heaven wants to do because we get to
partner with it and we no longer become victims but we go looking for something to conquer
so that's exciting jump on that um don't forget to check your resource tab for the
um the trip that's coming up oh how I wish that I could go on the trip that's coming up
but if you can go I think you should definitely go for it and all the details are in that link
and please remember you guys not to create posts
to from or links and post them from ministers, speakers, influencers, pastors that are not
within our network because they've not been vetted and we deem that not safe for the community
and we want everyone to be safe. Okay for those of you coming in whom I've never met before you're
probably usually on One O'Clock with Carla. You are not in the wrong place Elizabeth and Marie.
I am here Audrey. I am here in her stead so we swapped. She has children on this Christmas Eve
and so I don't and so it is more advantageous for her to get to enjoy or do all the things
that you have to do when you have a demanding family and so all the joys of being a single
woman. I get to flow how I want to and that's what I'm telling you. Enjoy your last year's single.
Yeah and I think those are all the notes. If you guys haven't had a chance to connect with women
so nice to meet you too Audrey. Between I don't think so but are any of you guys
new that I don't know like this is your first time in a phase two coaching session?
No cool cool cool. Don't forget to connect with women in the community.
Community is powerful. I think I've said this and I will sing this song. I have community for
every single area of my life. I do nothing alone. I do mean nothing. I do not seek the Lord on my
own like I have my own time. My own time that I cultivate but I have a community of people who
do that with me. Me and my sister we meet. We get together. We worship monthly. We pray monthly. I
have a church community. I have people there. I have people I do intercession with. I have
intercessory teams that I'm a part of. I have people that I do my health with. We talk about
what we're eating, why we eat it, what's happening with that. We don't talk about diet but we talk
about how to build a healthy temple and we celebrate each other. I have people that I talk
about. I don't know. Everything with my health, my emotional, every part of me has an assigned
community and a lot of them don't even cross over to other parts. Like they're just today and so I
have developed an eye along with the Holy Spirit to seek out those people who carry what I need
and when I get around them I submit myself and I soak it up like a sponge because I don't know
how long I'll have them in my life and so I take advantage of every moment I get to get the goal
they have and it doesn't even matter to me if the rest of some part of their life is jacked up. It
ain't got nothing to do with me. I know what they do do well and they do business well and they got
something that I don't have and I need it and so I don't care if they're in my face. I don't care if
I got to go find them through a mentorship program. I'm in a business mentorship program.
Wherever I got to go to get what I need, I do it because the people in the earth carry what we need.
Anything that's ever had to be done on the earth, the Lord sent a baby. Anything. Look around you.
Anything that ever needed to be done, he sent a baby and a baby is a person and the people
carry the treasures. The Bible says what is this? This hidden treasure in earthen vessels.
We carry the fullness of Christ Jesus in an earthen vessel. All his majesty, all his holiness, all his
righteousness, all his goodness, all of his healing, his creativity is in our earthen vessel.
A vessel made of dirt and each and every one of us carries that. So it's amazing. People are amazing.
No matter the struggles we've had with people, they are amazing. Gold lives on the inside of each
and every one of you and you are amazing. Nobody has told you that lately. You are amazing and you
carry what the world needs because if you didn't have it, you wouldn't be here.
Okay. So yay, we got that out of the way. Y'all know I don't necessarily prefer a quiet house.
So I teach third grade and so my kids are always doing this if they agree. I like smiles. I like
comments. You can post whatever you need to in the comment section. This week we're going to be
talking about boundaries. Yay boundaries. Boundaries are our friends and we know that if
you listen to, I listened to the teaching just recently, which was really, really good. If you've
been in a session and we talked about boundaries, we're just going to touch on it again. You don't,
if you haven't watched it, go watch it. Watching more than once, there was a study done that said
in order for us to retain things, we need to read it at least 70 times. Like to grasp everything
that's in it. I can attest to that. I have watched the same videos over and over. And every time I'm
like, that's so right. I didn't even know she said that. Let me tell you something. I've been listening
to Jackie.
his hard work again.
And I'm like, golly, this is why I fell in love with him.
This is some good stuff.
And it just never gets old.
Because it's such a journey that you
needed to be on repeat over and over and over and over.
Because when you are, let me tell you something,
when you are breaking up the foundation of your life,
you know you ever seen somebody with concrete
and they have those big jack iron things
and they keep drilling in the ground, drilling in the ground?
Now, as powerful as those things are,
they do not break up the concrete on the first time.
No.
Those people stand there with those jack hammers
or whatever they call.
And they bounce through the concrete
over and over and over and over and over and over
until they break through.
That's no different than the concrete of our lives.
All of us have a foundation.
And it got cracks in it and holes in it.
And that's a good thing right now.
Because we need them cracks give us
access to get in there and switch some stuff around,
right?
But when we get done, there's a solid foundation.
And that's what we want.
That's my arm time out.
Yeah, it's like a.
Look, I'm not really good at this.
Is it a six piece or an eight piece?
How would you like?
How would you like me to do a side by side?
OK, I'll do the eight.
And then I'll do the larger order of the fried mac
and cheese bites.
But those do fried mac and cheese bites sound really good.
I'm like, listen, not to get off topic,
because I can stay there.
I told my mom, I was like, look, I
know I said I was going to do sweet potato pies.
We're going to do some buttermilk pies.
We're going to do that brown sugar caramel cake.
But let's just not do it.
Because I haven't come up with a plan
of how I'm going to stop myself from eating it
once I get started.
And because of that, if you don't have to have sugar,
I don't either.
She agree, y'all.
Yeah, five piece tinder, please.
Five piece tinder me.
She agree.
And I'm like, yes, we're going to not have sugar for Christmas.
Because it just ain't working out.
I'm like, I know my muscles.
I know my strength.
And that ain't it.
I don't even bring ice cream in my house.
I go get a small bag of chips and eat it outside the door.
I'm like, I'm not going to bring a trap to me now.
I may make a mistake and walk into some.
But come and put it in my house, I
don't put the enemy in my camp.
I know me.
And I know my strength.
And I work with where I am.
Anyway, so it just keeps getting better, you guys.
So don't feel like we've left the hard work stage
and we're just going to leave it where it's at.
Because so much of when you're dating, this phase two,
it comes into play.
And boundaries is a part of hard work.
It is so tied into the hard work.
We set boundaries on what we believe
is worthy of protecting and keeping.
And if y'all remember, Jackie said that.
In the hard work session, she said we put locks on everything.
We put passwords on everything.
Why do we do that?
Because we believe that it is valuable.
Well, what does a lock and a password
look like when you're in phase two and you're dating?
What does a lock look like when you're not just in life?
It looks like a boundary.
It says, what's over here is valuable.
It is worthy.
I have deemed it that.
Who gave it that worth?
I gave it its worth.
I said so.
And so I'm going to put a fence around it.
I'm not going to build walls because we
know that thieves climb walls and they take the goods.
But I am going to put a fence around it with a gate or door
that I determine what comes in and what goes out.
And that's when you, boundaries is
one of the things that make you feel the most powerful.
Though they are challenging, they are very challenging,
you feel powerful.
You really have the sense of, I made a decision for myself
and I'm sticking with it.
And this is the way it's going to go.
And I don't care what it costs me or what it costs you,
but this is the way it's going to be because this
is what's best for me.
And it's not out of fear.
You have no fear.
That shows you how powerful you are because you're not even
operating out of fear.
For once in your life, you've made a powerful decision
that I am valuable, my time is valuable,
and I will not waste either of these things
away for not even myself.
Because boundaries protect us first.
It's about us first.
So not even I get an opportunity to waste myself away.
And that's the power that we get when we set boundaries.
And so we're going to start protecting and guarding
those things that are most valuable to us starting with us.
And we do that with boundaries.
Now, some thoughts that I had, and I made some notes
about this, you guys.
And we're going to do this together.
We're going to do this together, and then
we're going to do some coaching with whatever issues may have.
There are three areas that we talk about.
And if you guys, you've never done a night one with me.
Coaching sessions are not just for people who are.
You're in this program to build you.
The greatest thing that I got from this program was me.
I am telling you right now,
the greatest investment in my life is me.
And this program gave me me.
And because I have me, I don't lose.
I win, I grow in strength.
I am amazing.
Not because I flatter myself with my words,
because this gave me me.
And when you got you, everything else is easy.
And so what I'm saying is,
this program is about the whole woman.
It's about building you.
So I may relate some things to dating,
but it doesn't mean that you don't need to bring
to the table you and wherever you are on your journey.
This is just so clear that, right?
So what we're gonna do is we know that there are three areas
that we tell you in phase two dating,
that we say, hey,
these are the boundaries you need to operate by.
One of those dating,
one of those boundaries is when we say,
hey, when you start dating someone,
you get online dating,
or you talk to them first time,
you go on your first date,
let's not go too deep.
That's not wise.
That's called a boundary.
Why do we say that boundary?
So some of us say, I am a really deep person
and I just can't help myself.
I just go really deep.
Well, it's not a matter if you're a deep person or not.
We're talking about a boundary that best serves you
when you're dating someone that you do not know.
So we have to separate it from ourselves and say,
oh, this is how you do relationship well.
They just gave me a tool to how you do dating well.
I guess I can sit my deep self to the side
and actually practice a healthy dating process.
Because although I may be deep,
the deepness of me is reserved.
The rivers that flow from me are reserved for those
who have come and deemed themselves worthy
to sit at the table with me and enjoy that part of me.
The Bible says, we don't spill our pearls before swine,
for they may trample over it.
And so that's what a lot of times
when we start spilling all our pearls
before the swine, thank you, Katie,
they trample over it.
We've spilled our hearts out in one week.
We think we about to, we so excited.
We done made it to week two,
we only realized we only been knowing this person two weeks.
And then they ghost us and we're heartbroken.
Why?
Because we've spilled our pearls before swine,
but it doesn't have to be that way.
Boundaries guard you from what you used to get in the past.
Boundaries guard you from what they hurt
and rejection you will feel.
There's a difference from when a person ghost you
and you didn't pour out all of your wisdom
and all of your knowledge and all of your heart
and all of your history and all of your past
and all of your brokenness.
There's a difference when they ghost you.
You with me, Elizabeth?
I see you.
It is a difference because you didn't give up nothing.
You didn't pour out all of you.
I read this article and it's so interesting.
They said that when a woman meets a man,
she talks about him the first day to her friends,
all day long, she thinks about him.
Next day, she talks about him, talking about a friend.
What'd you think about this?
Oh, he work here.
And what'd you think about this?
I know, and he said he do this.
And he did this, now this, she just on day two.
She talk about him Sunday to Sunday.
Next day, yeah, and I think, oh, I was wondering.
Now, if he lived there and we, I could do that.
You know, I could really do that because this thing,
we just on day two now.
Day three, she wake up, she do the same thing back over.
Day four, she do the same thing back over.
I know, I know it's the truth.
And then day five, we, okay, girl,
we going on a coffee date.
This is what I'm wearing.
This is what I'm gonna do.
And then he said, we're gonna see how it go.
She gets to the table.
He say something she likes.
She said, here you go.
She put her heart in her hands and she said,
I have something for you.
Here you go.
It is the most valuable and treasurable thing I have.
And I want you to have it.
And we don't know we do that,
but guess what we do when we sit down to the table
with a stranger, we think we know them
because we spent so much time fantasizing about them.
And we say, here you go.
I got something.
The nature of a woman is to go deep
and to give the greatest and the best that she has.
That's your DNA.
And because it is your DNA, you know that about yourself.
You're not just a deep, you're a woman.
And so we have to put boundaries in place
and to guard ourselves and say,
this is what you do in this phase.
This is what I'm going through.
to do. I treasure and value me. I do not want the outcomes that I've had in the past,
so I am going to try it this way. And let's just see what happens.
And so boundaries protect us. They guard us. It's called wisdom. And we implement those things,
right? And so I'm not a beat a dare horse, but I think that you ladies are with me.
Boundaries save us so much. So it literally changes the outcome for us.
It changes the outcome. And then we bounce and we keep rolling. And it's like,
and so we know we have boundaries in dating. We say we don't spend more than 45 minutes
on that first call. I don't care how good it get. That's a boundary. I want you guys,
when we're talking about boundaries today, I want you to start jotting down what boundary
you want to adopt into your life. Because even though we share them with you and you've been
taught on them, it's only the things that you take on for yourself that you're going to actually
implement in your life. How do I know? Because I've gone through the same program that you've
gone through. I went on the same dates you went on. And I'm deep and I will talk. I used to have
men. I am not lying. Two of them in particular. We sat down for breakfast at first watch.
This man, I didn't even realize where it happened because I do inner healing at my church too. And
so I have a lot of practice with people over time. He's sitting there crying about a mama wound.
And I was like, what the heck if I just done? And so he made one come in about, yeah, my mom's
the muscle. Hmm. That muscle was really tough growing up. If this is something. And it just
went on and on and on. And this is a 45 minute day turned into two hour day.
Even though I had all the training that you had, I did it.
I did it and I learned from it. And so that's why we don't say I messed up. No, you grow capacity.
Look what I'm sharing with you now from the capacity I gained from what I did. And so I was
like, and so I continue. Yes. Thank you. I just stand with me. We know we learned so well. Um,
I, I continued getting to know him, but by the time we were like in week two, he just hit me.
You think, you know, everything. And I was like, Oh Lord. But what happened was on day one,
I was in this boy. If we picture in a house, we ran with first watch. So I was already in his
bedroom when I should have been on his porch or I should have been at his driveway. He had brought
me into the most intimate places of his life. Yes. I will suggest you're putting a timer on
your phone. I will suggest telling yourself like when I hear this and don't time it at 45 minutes,
timing at 35 minutes to give yourself 10 minutes to wrap it. Y'all know how we are.
I really have wanted to say this and I really, you know, but time yourself, get closer to that
45 minutes as you can. But listen, this man had led me into the most intimate parts of his life.
And I think he realized that he didn't even know me and he didn't know how to get me out of there.
And I didn't know how to get me out of there. And my sister was like, look, you need to stop this
stuff. You're not no therapist. You're trying to, trying to get these people healthy. I didn't even
realize what I was doing, but it was everything the program told me not to do. And I naturally
sat down and did it because I'm like, I'm just being me. Oh, well you got to stop being you.
If you want a date, whoever you've identified yourself as it's okay. But we got to shape you
with boundaries. We got to shape it. I got to do something with that. There's nothing wrong with
you. It's just not right now. Not right here. Let your husband enjoy the deep rivers of wisdom that
live on the inside of you. Right? Let your, let your family members, let those people you already
know that you have investment with who takes your voice as a voice of authority. Let them enjoy
what they know to be true. This man that you're meeting for the first time does not,
don't have to be privy to that. You don't know them, but there are people in your life who do
know you, who value the wisdom that you carry and they will not trample it. Okay. So we know that's
one. We know that's one. So we want to keep our time to 45 minutes. This is a boundary. Another
boundary. And so when you cross that boundary, you look up, oh, it's a how long, 10 minutes.
Let's just say, Hey, you know, how do I get out of this? It's going so good. Hey, I told myself
that we were going to keep this date sweet and short. And I want to keep it that way so that
if we get an opportunity to do this again, um, we can grow and know each other more. No need to
spill it all on the first date. So you have been a pleasure. We're going to wrap it up right now.
I have learned. Okay. An hour, Camila. Yeah, that's cool. Go with the hour. I, you know,
I hear 45 minutes, but it's cool. Hour is fine. We just don't want you to spend three hours. We
just want you to do the 45 minutes.
Like, man, it was so good.
We got back on the phone and we met back up
for a movie later on.
Because it was so amazing.
It felt so good.
It felt so real.
We are the most feelingness people.
It just felt right.
It ain't right.
We do have to override our feelings
and say, I put boundaries in place.
And that's why it matters if you choose your boundaries.
Because when you choose it, you have to answer to you.
You got to actually explain to yourself
why you're crossing a boundary that you decided
was good, and profitable, and advantageous for your life.
Because I can say it and you can say, I know this what I did.
I don't know about y'all.
I know Jackie said that.
I know that's what they said.
But look, and a woman is good for this.
You just don't nobody know like she know, baby.
And don't nobody know like she know when
she done found a man she like.
You can't tell us nothing.
I make myself submit to authority.
I am serious.
I tell myself, you're going to submit because they
know more than you.
And I don't care what you think.
That's how I talk to myself.
Because I know me.
I will try to rationalize and reason out
of why I should go ahead and do it because I feel it.
And I feel like the Lord.
And I know.
I feel like I'm in a program.
I submitted to their authority.
And if I said that God's hand was on this program
and he brought me to it, then God's hand
is on the authority that I came under.
And I'm going to submit to their authority.
It's kind of like when the Holy Spirit is moving
and it's time to cut it out.
But you keep talking in the name of the Holy Spirit.
That's not true.
It is time to move on.
The authority in the house said that we need to move on.
You can't override these things.
That's why laws and rules and things
are put in place so that you can subject yourself to them.
And so I am a little rough house with me.
I'm like, uh-uh, baby.
You about to submit yourself to what these folks say.
Because last time you went out with what you want to do
and you saw what happened.
This is my rule of thumb.
And you can adopt this if you want to.
If you've done this before and it didn't work for you,
how do you come under another level of authority
and say, my way still works?
Clearly, they have something that you don't care.
And that's how I process my life.
And so I'm opening.
This is not an advertisement.
I am starting.
One of my projects was an online boutique.
And they said, the researcher said
that when you price your clothing,
that you're supposed to price your clothing at 2.5 times
more than what you paid.
Well, that's a problem for me.
Because I don't like to spend an exaggerated amount of money
on clothes.
And so let's say one piece I got,
I'm looking at the inventory.
I paid $40 for that dress.
So when I price it, when I post it online,
I'm supposed to post it at 2.5 is $80, $80,
that would be like $100.
Because it's half of the $40, right?
So it'll be $40, $40, $20.
That's what I'm supposed to price it at.
That is $80, $90.
That's $100.
And I'm like, I can't price that dress.
I ain't finna price that dress.
I ain't paying nobody for $100 dress.
Ain't going to happen.
I mean, I will.
If it's like that, that.
But I ain't never been in a boutique industry online before.
I don't know the market.
Who am I targeting?
They probably ain't like me.
Maybe they do got $120 to spend on a dress.
But how am I going to go into a system
and override what the system says works because they've
been doing this?
I ain't never did it.
So you know what I put on that dress?
$122.
People like them off numbers, they say.
But I did what they said do.
Because why would I go to my own authority?
I don't even have the wisdom on this.
That's what I'm saying.
So we have to be mindful of ourselves
and figure out which boundaries we're going to put in place
to guard ourselves.
Because this is, remember, if I spend 40 minutes talking,
if I spend three hours talking to you every day for a week,
by the end of the week, for no lie,
I'm going to think I know you like the back of my hand.
And I've already planned children and a marriage
and a whole lot of other stuff because we can fantasize
to the end of the moon and back.
The next thing, we need physical boundaries.
So what is a physical boundary?
Well, in this program, we said that a physical boundary
is that we don't kiss all of these things in phase
two dating.
Somebody says, well, I think kissing is OK.
I don't mind kissing.
I want to get a little yum yum.
I need to see what that kiss is like.
Now, we don't process the fact that we're
kissing a complete stranger.
So if you'd like a little yum yum,
just walk up to somebody in the grocery store
and kiss them and tell me how that works.
Because that's what you're saying.
I was the kissing queen.
Do you hear me?
And so I'm like, I'll talk to you.
two weeks you're gonna let me know what that kiss like. That was me. I wanted to know how a person
kissed. Now did I consider? I don't know this man. I don't know what I was thinking. These
things were programmed in me when I showed up. And so I had a really long journey in learning.
There was something programmed in me. Bless my heart. God delivered me. He really has helped me.
There was a little girl in me that was determined to make out with men. Because when I was in high
school, I was overweight. And so many guys didn't want to talk to me. But I used to watch all my
friends make out. So there was something in me that longed to make out with men. And so then
when I got an opportunity, oh, one of my boundaries is, hey, don't have men over to your house. Baby,
I couldn't wait to get to somebody's in my house. Not because I wanted to have sex, but this was my
thinking. Just come to the house. We can relax. It's cool. We can hang out. You ain't got to be
in no restaurant. We could cook. It's fun over here. It's just like having a friend over.
Isn't it fun? But when I was a little girl, I still remember even as a teenager, I used to say
I had an aunt. And she would have her boyfriends over. And this is something the Lord had to show
me. And I used to say, I can't wait till I get to have a boyfriend over. I can't wait till. I can't
wait. I can't wait. When I went to college, I was dating someone. We dated for eight years. I came
out of their relationship because I wanted to live a holy life before the Lord. And I kept having
sex. Even if I went two months, then we'll have sex again. Three months, we'll have sex again.
And that's just what a prayer I told to God. I said, I want to be real. And for some reason at
that time, when this was years ago, I used to see people in church that I used to call them fake.
That's just the language we had. They would be one way in church and then they would live another
way in the streets. And so I told the Lord, I want to be holy for real. I'll walk away from this
relationship if you give me holiness for real. And I'll wait on you to give me a husband.
I was, man, I didn't, I didn't, I'm none of the woman that I am now. I didn't have language. I
didn't know what that would look like. That's just what a little girl said to God, a young girl in
college. I left the relationship. I didn't date anybody for eight years. I came into a culture
of where church would shame you. You shouldn't believe you just wait on the Lord. He going to
bring him and when he bring him, he going to do it quick. And so I was the quick queen. He going
to bring you, get married in three months. People do it all the time. I ain't read no book about
marriage. I ain't did no counseling. The only way I knew marriage was the way that I saw it growing
up. Other than that, it was TV and the toxicity of the household that I lived in. I didn't know
that you need to have a clue before you get married, but most people don't. The only marriage
they know is what they saw growing up and what they saw on TV. And so I said, like every other
church preman, when God do, he just going to show up. The Lord don't need all that. They ain't do no
dating in the Bible. Everything you think of, baby, I had it down for you. I met somebody. So I didn't
date. I didn't have sex before I got married. I met my ex-husband. I married him in three months
and now he's my ex-husband. Not because I married him in three months because the truth is a lot of
people get married in three months and have marriages for 50, 60 years, but I wasn't prepared
and I forgot where I was going with it. But, oh, but when I met,
the little girl, the little girl still didn't get to live herself out because I was, my baby,
you know, I had been walking the Lord eight years and ain't touched nobody.
Hon, that man was going to get me to move. I was holy as they come. You are so holy when ain't
nobody pursuing you. You can talk about all the people you ain't had sex with when ain't nobody
trying to get between your legs, when nobody's trying to sleep with you. I'm sorry. Like there's
a different perspective when that's not happening in your life. You can say all the stuff you want
to say. So I married him, we divorced. I still hadn't, that little girl hadn't expressed herself,
so I didn't know she lived there because me and him, it happened so quick, right? So I didn't
just, there was no opportunity. There was a not enough maturation time for that part of me to
come out. I was still very programmed. You don't have sex before you get married. That's just not
how it's going to work. You don't have sex before you get married. You don't have sex. You've done
that before. You're not doing that. I come fast forward. Get in Jackie's program. I started dating.
It was a seven days to spring challenge, honey. And I was dating myself some dating. I ain't never
date so many men in my life. And it was, it just, I just kept dating after that. But one thing I
kept doing after I talked to somebody, I have the most like, yeah, let's come over and hang out. Like
we may go out the first time after that. Let's, baby, I broke the rule. If the rule could be broke,
who did it? There ain't nothing wrong with that. There ain't nothing wrong with that.
And so that's how I learned how to get community. That's how I learned how to be accountable.
The Lord told me, he said, there was a little girl in you that had to die. He says that every
farmer knows that before a good harvest, you have to have a strong, hard winter.
And he says, Ebony, you needed a winter to kill the pestilence.
Because if the pestilence from the prior season
does not die, when the harvest comes,
the pestilence, the bugs, the mosquitoes,
if they don't die in the winter, they're
going to eat up the harvest.
He told me, the last relationship
that I had been in for a year, thought it was going somewhere.
We shared another story for another day.
He told me, that and you had to die.
He says, because if it did not die,
it was sure to destroy the harvest that was to come.
And the harvest is coming.
But what's in you will destroy what is to come.
And the Lord had to do a hard freeze in me.
He had to rid me of that girl.
He had to rid me of all of those things.
And so he really grew me through dating.
Dating is one of the greatest things.
They grew me, this program grew me, dating grew me.
Boundaries are necessary.
So I had to learn how, from that point,
how to implement boundaries and how they would save me.
They would save my heart.
They would save my time.
They would save my life.
I had to work it out, babe.
I was like somebody in the field.
I would garden it, like it was some real work over here.
And so I know that these things, they work.
They're true.
They're to guard us and to keep us.
So now I want to preach.
I'm going to keep going.
OK.
So we have physical boundaries.
Like, let's keep the touching to yourselves.
Why are we touching?
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves, why do I want to kiss?
I said I like to say, ask yourself,
what is this kissing going to do for me?
When women kiss, we release oxycodone.
Baby, make you want to grab that man and say, come to me.
I kissed somebody one time.
I thought I had it.
Lord, I said, what the heck happened to me?
My head started spinning.
It was so good.
I said, this ain't right.
I can't do this.
Something is about to go down.
Now, you'll take that kiss and in your house
at the same time.
Y'all some grown women there.
We ain't talking to no children.
You already know.
It ain't going to take but one little wrong touch
across that shoulder somewhere, or some to the side.
Stuff going to change fast.
So these boundaries are to guard you and protect you.
And they really do help you.
And the next one, so physical and spiritual boundaries.
This spiritual boundary that we say to y'all all the time.
The reason why I'm giving relevance to these boundaries
so you can decide if you want to accept them into your life.
Because when you're in a program,
we say this is how it goes, A, B, C, D. Go do.
But if you never take it on later, this is where I'm going.
If you never accept them as your own,
if you don't know the value and worth of them,
you'll misuse them, abuse them, or not use them at all.
Because you don't have the full understanding of why.
And so it's like a child wanting to rebel against your rule
because they don't understand why.
And you can't even, for children, you can't even,
they don't even have the understanding to understand,
right, why you're saying no.
And they want you to explain to them,
but they can't grasp it.
They don't know that.
But you guys can grasp this.
And these are all the whys.
And most people aren't exempt.
And that's why Jackie teaches these things
the way that she does.
The next one is spiritual boundaries.
And a lot of times we really enjoy men
who sends us a scripture,
who talks about the Lord,
because something in us believes that there are no godly men,
that there are no kingdom men.
Why do we believe it so much?
We believe it so much because we ain't ran across any.
We believe it so much because we haven't seen it.
We may believe it so much, you know,
but this is the truth.
How do you know based on how many men are in the world?
I have a friend, we're very good friends.
His name is Jeremy.
We've been friends since we were in high school.
And he told me, he said, Ebony,
now he's a worldly man.
He says, Ebony, the man you want don't exist.
I don't know no man that's gonna wait on a woman.
I don't know no man who gonna talk to a woman
who ain't gonna have sex.
I said, well, how many men do you know?
I said, my point exactly.
Every man you know is just like you.
Find me a man that's not like you,
then tell me about every man.
Because every man you know is wrapped up in sin
just like you.
They think just like you.
They do what you do.
So, ah, no wonder you don't know a man
who gonna do what I want.
You don't, you ain't know enough people.
And so we listen to the lies of culture
that tell us you ain't gonna find this
and there's a shortage of this
when who is in their circle?
How you gonna tell me some of my business?
You don't even got friends that do business.
You don't even know nothing about business.
You're not an expert.
You're not an authority.
And then when we come and sit under the authority,
the program that Jackie has built,
who has seen engagement after engagement,
20, 25 engagements in a month,
15 marriages in a month,
month after month, year after year,
we find it hard to grasp a hold to this truth,
but she sees it every single day.
Culture has spoken to us so long and filled us with so many lies that it's easier to lean
toward that.
It's easier to lean toward what we see, but we don't realize that our sight is so small.
We see like this.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like when you're in a room and you got two fingers up, y'all do this right now and
tell me how much you see.
Everybody, let's do it.
Put your finger up.
Tell me how much you see.
Now, you don't see but a little, but it's a whole big room around you.
But this is all you can see because it's all your lens.
And so, anyway, we got there because we were talking about spiritual boundaries.
But so when you get to meet a man and this is a man of God and you think he is, that
this is amazing.
This is amazing.
He's something in scripture.
Girl, he said he pray at night before he go to bed.
I've been looking for this, right?
Whatever, whatever he does, it is not, you will start to believe that you know him better
than you do.
I want you guys to think about your own life.
Think about maybe how many scriptures you know, how many spiritual principles you know.
And I want you to think about, even though you know them, how many of them do you operate
into the fullness?
That's no different from the next person.
Him somebody knowing a scripture does not tell you how fruitful the word of God is in
their life and how fruitful they are.
And I know how many scriptures they know, they don't know how to communicate.
Your marriage is not going to sustain itself off of a scripture that you know.
I hear people quote, we use quote all the time, I can do all things to Christ who gives
me strength.
So what are you doing?
You can do all things, but what are you doing?
Right?
And so I know something, but that doesn't sustain if it's not an operation in my life
and we can get somebody, I've been in ministry for a long time, y'all.
And I've seen a lot of marriages in ministry and I've seen a lot of people in ministry
and it does not change that there are people and their marriages that go under all the
time in ministry, wonderful, gifted people, anointing and all of these things.
Why?
Because the scripture doesn't know how to communicate.
What?
Yeah.
Communicate.
Some of the core things that we learn here in this program is how to communicate, right?
That when we go on the first date, we keep it up here.
That's communication.
Learning how to walk with a person, to observe a person, to grow with a person, to take it
one day at a time.
In marriage, you're going to have to take it one day at a time, ain't no way around
it.
You can go deep all you want.
You can go deep.
You're just going to come back up and going to be the same person sitting right there.
It's easier to operate in boundaries and practice these things now while you're single.
Why?
Because it's just you and God.
But when you get married, you're going to have to deal with somebody else's will.
That's somebody else's will.
You ain't going to be able to do what you want them to do and they ain't going to be
ready to grow when you're ready to go and do what you want to do.
So as I am saying, take your time, practice boundaries, become a champion at it, master
it so that it could guard your life and guard your heart and tell you where to go and tell
you what to do.
Your boundaries will lead and guide you, their wisdom.
So we know the spiritual balance is a thing.
We don't want to just start talking about all our spiritual encounters with the Lord
and this is that or listening to all of those things because it makes you believe you know
a person more than you do.
We don't want to start studying scriptures together.
We don't want to start reading our Bibles together and your mom may say, I've always
wanted a man that I can read the Bible with.
Okay, you'll have him when you say I do if he wants to read the Bible with you.
Not all husbands, no matter if they're a pastor, a teacher, want to read the Bible with their
wife.
Let's make our goals to be studiers of the Word.
Let's make our goals to build community of friends that like to read the Word together
and stop putting all the responsibility on our husband.
Why does that matter, Ebony?
It matters because if you set your mind out that I want these things in a man and he shows
up and he shows you a glimpse of it, you hang on to it and say, this is what I want.
He got everything I want, but what if you had a study group of women that you studied
the Word with?
You still going to be chasing that in a one person?
What if the things that you're putting out that I want this from a husband, you actually
create it in your own life and you do things with community because everything that you
desire,
You're not going to out that's not going to be the desire of your husband's heart
And the things that he desires for you are not going to be the desires of your heart
It's not just about him like these are real things you're dealing with real people
It's not just a title husband and wife
And so when we get to know people we don't have to try to figure out they're christian
They're this you're in phase two. You're just dating to discover
And just getting to know people for who they are
And
We're not we want to practice if you want to adopt that boundary into your life
We want to practice not talking about spiritual things and studying the word together
And doing all those things because it is this deep desire of yours to have that in the spouse
Because what happens is you can do it. You can study the scripture with them now
But I don't you know how duped you gonna feel when you say I do
And every time you get ready to study bob he don't want to study with you and what you're gonna say
Jacob you're gonna say yeah, but I thought
I I thought
but when we
And we're gonna work and now y'all know this cycle
We're gonna work our butts out to get back to that man that we met in dating
And we're gonna deny that he's not that man for a very long time till we realize that he really ain't that man
And so we'll hold on to what that glimpse of a man
He gave us because we be saying I know it's in him. I know it's there. He showed it to me
I know he could do it. That's why we get so tripped up
He hasn't been in a relationship before when they don't do what you know, they can't do. I know you can do it
When we were dating you chased me all around when we were this you used to do this and they like yeah, I don't do it
Yeah, yeah
So
Just to say got it. Yeah
So those are three boundaries. I gave you if you want to adopt them into your life
These are three boundaries that the program teaches
And i've tried to give you more insight on why those boundaries are healthy and best for our lives
And those boundaries can also be applied to friendships just not dating
They're not just in dating, you know
um
I've talked to
Friends and gotten to know them and start just sharing this and sharing that and sharing this and then you lay on you find out
They're not really even into all this stuff i'm talking about
I thought she was like this but not really
And so boundaries are good for all areas. And um, and so there is your option to adopt them. So emotionally we don't want to
Spill all our pearls. We don't want to go deep fast
We want to just find some questions off google have some stuff to laugh at and enjoy with each other, right?
um
And then so that's that's emotional and then physical boundaries. We want to keep our hands to ourselves and our lips to ourselves
And we don't want to make out
And then we don't want to have people over to our home and then spiritual boundaries
How about everybody keep their scripture to theirselves if somebody sends you a scripture say hey, thanks for sharing
um
And another thing I do want to just add before we go to these boundaries that we're gonna kind of collaborate together with
For about five minutes and if you guys have anything you want to discuss well
Let me not say that let me skip let me do this
Another boundary I want to introduce to you ladies and something I want you to think about are boundaries around your thought life
um
I want to say especially during the holiday season, but really this is for your whole life
And this is something that we learn in the heart work
That we think with our hearts and not what our minds is what the heart perceives is how we see the world
But we have to have boundaries around our thought life
So what does that look like? It looks like when I hear a lie, I pull it out quickly
So we want boundaries around our thought life. So when we hear thoughts like
Oh god did it for them, but he isn't gonna do it for you
What is your defense against this ladies?
That's your boundary. What are you gonna say?
Are you just gonna let the lie ruminate?
Or you're gonna come back quickly with a boundary
There are things that I rehearse in my mind that when certain thoughts come I quickly debunk it
If i'm planning something and there's a thought that's gonna come this is simple. It may rain
I say yeah, it may rain and it may not rain. I'm gonna carry on
It's true it may and it may not that's also true or when I have the thought that man
Especially online data. Oh my goodness
It ain't ain't nobody out here
It ain't this obviously ain't no
These jokers ain't talking about something. They love you don't love the lord. Look what you put on here
Like I this is me scrolling thinking you fear the lord. You don't fear him. I know you don't feel like
Scrolling leaving my thoughts. Don't you going going but then i'll be like i'll stop i'm like man. I don't even know why i'm doing this
This is this is just discouraging
Yeah, this sounds like yeah
I know and when I hear that final thought
I don't even know why i'm doing
On this this ain't ain't nobody on here for me
That I have a boundary that says I may didn't find anybody on here, but the lord has someone for me
That's a boundary
Because what that last thought came to do is to sit down on the inside of me plant a seed to grow something
That's going to become a stronghold for me later on
That's going to create a deficit in my life
That's going to create a poverty mindset a scarcity mindset that so when somebody does come along
I'm gonna try to hold on to them
I'm gonna try to make it be something that is really not because a lot because two weeks ago when I was scrolling
I believe that there was a scarcity of men because I didn't see anybody or when somebody out when somebody does
Respond back to me and they start making little comments that i'm uncomfortable with or sexual
Induendos, I say to myself. I don't want to mess this up. I'm just gonna see
It's a yes till it's a no and i'm just gonna see i'm just gonna see
I don't like that. He said that but i'm just gonna see when he's sending them pictures. Uh, maybe it was a mistake
Why because I have a scarcity mindset that set in a while ago that I didn't deal with
A seed was planted a thought presented itself to me that I did not
That I did not deal with
That I didn't put my fence up and say whoa, you're not getting in here
You ain't getting over here, baby
No, only people get here is the people I open the gate to and i'm not opening the gate to you
Um, I wrote down a couple of other thoughts
This morning that we could have
um that we have to um determine if we're gonna boundaries around
um
Some thoughts is i'll never be married
Right this is a comment like
I'll never be married. What boundary do you want to put in place for when that thought comes to visit you? It's coming
Anytime we're on the faith journey and we're believing for something that we have not yet to obtain
It the the thought is going to be presented to us over and over and over again
You have to work
I mean work in a resting way to hold up your truth and what you're believing in the bible says that
Hope deferred
Maketh the heart sick
What does that mean that when something when i'm believing or something I believe for something
I can become sick in my heart because it has not materialized yet
So the bible says hope deferred make it the heart sick, but promises fulfilled is a tree of life
One time the lord told me I was on a swing and I was swinging
He said if any hope deferred make the heart sick. My heart was sick. Do you hear me sick?
I was sick. My heart was sick. I said, I don't know what was about a child. I don't know what it was
He said hope deferred make it the heart sick
He said most people walk away right here
He said they stopped believing right here and that's why they have this pattern in their life of they believe god for something
They don't even believe no more. It's like whatever the lord say
If he said will it's gonna happen
Because their heart became sick and they walked away from the process
He said but if you will hold on promises fulfilled is a tree of life for you
And he says what's your promise?
I said he said what what what is going to be the fulfillment?
He asked me the question, you know, he asked the question. He got an answer. So I ain't trying to go for
I don't know what you think. I am the fulfillment
I am the fulfillment
See a lot of times we put our hope
Our expectation in an outcome that looks a certain way
But when he is the fulfillment, don't you know you lack no good thing?
When god becomes the fulfillment of a thing if I know that he is there
And in him all things about that
He gives me the desires of my heart that he says no good thing
Will he withhold from they who love him the bible says that he delights in the steps of the righteous man
This is what the bible says about him so if he is for my fulfillment
I have all things and I don't have to bank on
A love story looking the way it look for somebody else that that's what it's going to look like for me
So I don't have to compare myself to another love story
I don't have to keep looking for this magical thing. That's going to sweep me out of my feet and oh my goodness
It was just so amazing
So amazing
I can become settled in my love story the one that says i'm sitting in a coaching session that i'm in jackie's program
And I did the heart work first
And now some prince charming didn't come and sweep me off my feet
Because I don't live in a fantasy I live in the subtleties of god of promises fulfilled
Right
And so i'm okay with sitting in a group chat i'm okay with learning boundaries
okay with learning the things that equip me to be powerful in life in my whole life
and i'm okay with the process because it is building capacity in me for the promise that
i am believing for and so that's what it produces in us and so i know that we need to think about
the thoughts that attack us the most and i it's 12 57 and so for sure i have went a little past
my time because i wanted us to if you want to type in in the in the comments um maybe a lie
that attacks you the most you know the thing that comes to introduce itself to you the most
type it in and how about we put a boundary to it
let's type that in and let's put a boundary to it and then you know we'll take i know three minutes
sounds short but it'll be three minutes that's worth it because i do want us to do a little
coaching today and i want everybody at least to get a one minute if nothing at all holy spirit
will always always give us the best questions to ask and he'll temper us okay okay i like that
um he'll temper us so that we can make space and time for everyone so you guys let's look at our
comments when we see the the about the the the lies or the thoughts that are coming up that
people are putting in the comments if you have a boundary to share with them for that one tell
them one as soon as you see it i know a boundary for that because you may have thoughts that help
guard you against that that they don't have let's share it okay so i am going to go to my chat too
i'm gonna open it up i don't know what what's this about let's see they come in so fast i like this
okay
so uh-oh uh-oh just someone wants to crow want to steal my man i desire that right then we ain't
letting nobody steal no man over here baby because i'm gonna tell you something here you go can't
nobody steal what belongs to you i used to hear this all the time and i don't know if it's a
culture thing y'all know that i'm african-american is very clear but the women in my culture used to
say baby can't nobody steal what what they can't steal what belong to you if somebody take them he
win yours in the first place that's what old women would say all the time me growing up i said she
stole my name oh babe can't nobody steal your man it can't steal what it can't steal what belongs
to you and so janice that is a boundary that you can use no one can take what belongs to you
no one can steal who's decided that they belong to you
if someone has decided that they belong to you and you belong to them nobody can take it okay
so nobody can take what belongs to me that is a good boundary i saw yours um angela jella and it
was i am too old i kind of went up to them five piece tenders y'all got to help me stay on track
my lord this is scrolling okay i see doubt that a good man will pursue me there is no one um
intentionally on these dating apps this show feel like it's not funny but i'm just telling you so
y'all know some of my thoughts are funny too when you actually listen to yourself you'll be like
it'd be true like you'd be like ah like and i'm trying to like read a bunch of them at the same
time because we make him create a boundary for a whole group of them okay that god is withholding
that he is uh withholding back because um you aren't good enough yet like you haven't reached
the maturity like you're not ready for um or that you just don't deserve it
yet like you haven't reached the maturity like you're not ready for
um or that you just don't deserve it maybe your values are too much uh the lie that consistently
comes to me is that i'll never get married never meet someone who is a good match for me
my situation is too complicated and it's just not for me okay the type of man i want won't
type of man you want he ain't gonna want you because you've been divorced twice i got you
that men don't find me attractive okay girl now to call you we know that's a lie you wrote
that because you is fine honey you know you're too pretty i'ma keep going i'll just i am not
boosting your head up every time i look at you i think about how beautiful you are i'm just i'ma
keep going though um even if i meet my husband i'm going to screw it up good listen y'all know
if somebody else agree with her just do a little like this i don't know who said priscilla listen
i'll be seeing when he gets to know me he gonna be like wait a minute i've been told for a very
long time that i'm a very strong woman and i come out very you know strongly i was a little concerned
about that um the lie that consistently comes to me is that okay got that one yeah that um you
been divorced i said i want you um yeah kelly said she's agreed she agrees to jacor you better grab
this stuff he go your boundary right here they ain't gonna like how i look i already got two
women to say i'm fine baby and a woman know what look good these men can be moved by makeup and
you know hair and all this kind of stuff and nails women know all right um but we're gonna okay
hey i wonder if i'll ever be ready yes and
yeah marissa she hears all these same ones over and over
and that i have to sacrifice attraction to find a man of god my god
why don't we believe
you then in order for a man to love god he gotta have no eye
like he gotta be ugly so i'm like what what is that like we're normal people and we love god
but somehow the enemy has tricked us to believing that you know what that man
little guy he really probably ain't got nothing going on anyway he ugly
i know like some of this stuff i see you maria some of these things uh there's this minister
that i really like him his name is he comes to our church out of backland steve backland and his
thing is let's just laugh at that so like he says when you hear a lie from the enemy he says your
response to be let's just laugh at that and so we'll be sitting like the type of you know like
if you could just say the type of man that i want and this is not against your thinking
so when the lie comes like the type of man i want he ain't gonna even want me because i've been
then we'll be like let's just laugh at that and we'll go
and you think it's fake but it really releases something on the inside of you because the bible
says it's based on scripture that the lord sits in the heavens and he laughs at the plans of the enemy
he does he's sitting in heaven he's laughing at the plans of the enemy
and so the enemy is like let me throw this in there he like
you really think that it's gonna stop stop what i got playing he don't even give a thought he
laughs at him it's so funny to him what were you gonna say maria uh i what i meant by my comment
was just not that i identify with all of them but as i was i listened to them one after the
other it's like whoa like that's not the god we serve yeah like he has better for us he has good
for us yeah that's awesome proverbs 31 25 is your favorite is that the one is proverbs 31 he sits in
the heavens and laughs he who sits in the heaven laughs or what is it priscilla go ahead and share
it with us um it's the strength and dignity uh are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come
come on we need to adopt that until i like it too i've seen it on stuff i'd be like yeah she
laughs at the future because she don't have no fear baby yes i'd be like i'm gonna be her i'm
gonna laugh at the future so this is what we're gonna do we are going to though we're close to
time we're gonna take seven minutes i'm gonna put you in groups of two to three and you guys are
gonna come up in your group with a boundary for that lie that you're believing and if you're
having a hard time your sister is going to help you what you can also do is so you guys know which
one you posted you can say i have a boundary for yours and somebody else can give you a boundary for
the other one that way you won't have to work so hard sometimes something outside of us is powerful
it brings something to the table that we didn't consider and so let's try it let's just swap over
somebody takes the other person somebody take this one and somebody takes that person right
give them the boundary your mind is going to think much faster than them trying to navigate their way
out of a lie that the enemy keeps presenting to them because of a lot if the enemy presents a lie
to you accept it trust me you got a laundry list of things to back it up
it's somehow these things come to you to back it up some stuff is just outright lying you really
ain't got no way to prove it but other things not so so if y'all are good with that i'm going to
break us up into a chat room and we're going to stand there seven minutes because i believe that
the holy spirit is speaking and flowing and i release the flow of the holy spirit over you
to give you insight and wisdom and give you boundaries that come to your mind very quickly
that are simple we need simple boundaries to implement because when the thought comes
you need to be simple with it something that you can quickly say and so i just release the
wisdom of the holy spirit of each and every one of us that we may build each other in wisdom
and strength and power and might and i am going to break us up so let's see we need
yeah i'm gonna put y'all in 10 because that's put you one to two so it's good well we need more than
two it can't have one put you in nine that puts you two to three all right
all right open our rooms let's go get it
Yeah, I should be. Yeah, there we go.
Silence.
Did it didn't give you all the option.
No, Audrey, Melissa.
Do you want to go?
It actually kicked me out of the meeting.
Oh no, what kind of foolery is that?
We're not doing that.
Let me assign you to a room.
There we go.
Thank you.
You're welcome.