All right. Welcome, ladies, to your Phase 2 1 o'clock check-in. Today is New Year's
Eve of 2024. We're getting ready for our new next year. It's going to be exciting. Got
lots of stuff planned for y'all in this community, which is super exciting. But yes, we are only
doing the 1 o'clock call today, because I'm sure lots of people have plans to go out,
getting out and about in your community, spending time with family and friends. It's always
really, really good. So I'm excited to be here with y'all today. I wasn't here last
week. It was Christmas Eve, and Ebony so graciously offered to take the 1 o'clock last week since
we weren't doing the evening call. So we tag-teamed the two holidays. And so I was
very thankful and blessed for her to be able to come to the 1 o'clock, which was probably
a treat for some of you that do typically come on the 1 o'clock and don't have time
with her. So I hope that was a blessing for you all. I always love hearing her coaching
and her feedback. She always just brings such a spirit of excitement and joy and just
like wisdom. I just always really appreciate her and what she brings to our community.
All right. So welcome to anybody that is new to Phase 2. So Crystal, you are new. Welcome.
We're so glad to have you here. Is there anybody else that's new to Phase 2? Just go ahead
and raise your avatar hand. Colette, you are new to Phase 2. I see a couple people that
are not on camera. I do always ask those of you that are used to my 1 o'clock call,
I usually am calling y'all out to come on camera. This is the way we want to have you
come out of hiding, have connection. Thank you, Priscilla. Thank you. Is it Jeannie?
Did I pronounce your name right? Okay, good. That's another thing y'all learn about me
is sometimes I'm a butcher of names. Like I am like phonetically challenged. And so
that was always a hard thing when I was teaching because I was like the first day I was like,
you know, kids were like, that's not my name. Like, oh my goodness. So I apologize. Just
please feel free to correct me if I call you by the wrong name or I mispronounce names.
But yes, so Crystal and Colette, you're new to Phase 2. It's so glad to have you here.
So yes, you don't see any of the heart calls recorded for listening in the app. So Crystal,
what do you mean? Are you talking about Phase 1 heart calls, like your heart work calls? Are you
talking about our replays here in Phase 2? Okay, so what I'll ask you to do is sometimes it's
making sure that you have the newest updated version of our app. So my, I have an iPhone
and I have mine set to have my apps automatically update. If you don't, you'll have to go in your
settings and make sure. I think Holly, who I just saw on the call, she had to go in there and update
her app. And then even, and I gave her advice of sometimes it's shutting your phone down
and then restarting it because ladies, our phones are like computers. I don't know about you all,
but my like laptops and things like that, if I have them on for long periods of time and I don't
shut them down properly, they drag and they run really slow. So the same thing is it happens with
our phones too. So I noticed that sometimes when I'm getting more glitches in my app,
then I just shut my phone down for like 10 to 20 seconds and I turn it back on. And a lot of times
that will fix the problem as long as I have the updated version of the app. So Crystal, I will
encourage you to do that. So yeah, that you have all those replays. Are you able to see your training
videos? So those are the five videos that we have. Yes, I can see the training videos and I've done
all the other things that you said to me because I leave my phone off for eight hours at night and
my app is updated. So I still don't see those. Okay. All right. The next thing that I'll have
you do is then in the app, there is a contact support. Okay. So if you can generate an email
to them and let them know, screenshot how you're not seeing those videos, that always helps them
out. So send that to support and then they can kind of guide and direct. I do my best to
troubleshoot y'all with like the basics, but if it's something like bigger than it goes, it goes
to the support team. So hopefully that will help so we can get you to those replays. Okay. So again,
so that will just kind of lead into some of my housekeeping items that I want to discuss with
you ladies today is, so yeah, make sure if you're new, make sure that you're navigating that app,
you're clicking on the tabs, you know where to find things. Don't forget about the affiliate
link. It's under the resource tabs. I know it could
couple ladies had posted in our community
about wanting to refer some men to our community.
And so we have this affiliate link
in the resource tab that you set up.
And anytime that you're discussing with friends and family,
whether it's men or women about this community
and what great things are happening
and you want them to be on board and they're single
and they want, maybe they need some heart healing,
whatever that is, you can send them a link.
And if they sign up using your link,
then you get $75.
So it's like a referral program.
So it's bringing more singles into our community.
We always say, you know,
what you make happen for others, God makes happen for you.
We're all about community-based matchmaking.
So we want to bring, you know,
like-minded individuals into our community
and that happens with word of mouth.
So why not get paid for it, ladies?
Like put some $75 in your pocket, okay?
So make sure that you're checking that link out.
It's under the resource tab.
A couple other things to go over housekeeping-wise
is when y'all are creating posts,
we ask that you refrain from advice giving and coaching.
So I know like when I was in the program,
that was hard because I was just naturally a teacher.
So Debra, you probably understand
as well as you being a teacher
is it's easy for us to put our teaching hats,
our coaching hats, maybe if you're a therapist
or, you know, you just have a gift,
you know, God's given you that gift.
And so you operate that in that daily.
Maybe you're a mother.
And so you kind of have that mothering hat like that.
Sometimes I have to take my mother hat off
in this community because I'm not mothering my children.
I'm, you know, I'm coaching you ladies as grown women.
And so we have to be able to remove those hats
and refrain from coaching.
And we do that because it's really a service for you all.
This is your space to be able to process, grow, heal.
And so instead of you feeling this need to coach and teach,
we want you to receive.
That's that feminine spirit.
It's that divine feminine is a spirit that receives.
And so we really want you ladies practicing
and operating in that, in this community, okay?
So just, and again, if we do see, you know,
posts where it's like you're,
so for example, that would look like,
you know, we come in and we're like,
hey, God has me on this process
and this is what I've been doing.
You know, we all need to be aware of this
and you all need to be careful to not do this.
You see how it kind of shifted from what was working for you
and then now you're telling the other ladies,
you all need to do this too.
We really want to remove from that, okay?
So that would be an example.
And I get it, like it can happen.
If we see those things happening,
we may have to remove a post or a video that you post
or of whatnot, okay?
So hopefully you all understand what I mean by that.
Also, when you're creating posts and videos
and things like that,
we ask that you not link other ministries,
authors, speakers, influencers, pastors.
We just don't have the capacity to vet those out
and their library of work.
And we really want to make sure that we're, you know,
sharing things that aligns with what we teach here
at Last Year Single.
And so there are a lot of great speakers out there
and then it's like, you'll hear something really good
and it sounds like it aligns with us,
but then when you start watching and listening
to more things that they post or things like of that nature,
it might take a turn and it may not be
with what things that we align.
And we just don't want there to be any confusion
because that's what the enemy will do.
The enemy likes to distort and confuse things, okay?
So it's just a way for us to protect the integrity
of what we offer here in the community, okay?
Another friendly reminder, just showing up in the group,
okay, I wanna talk a little bit about that here a moment,
it's kind of what I wanted to kind of teach on
a little bit later.
For those of you that are new,
you've got one training video a week,
we really ask that you pace that one a week,
don't rush it, okay?
It's all about a process and then coming into the community
and sharing your takeaways
and letting us know what's going on.
There's five videos.
So the minimum that you will be in this community
is four to five weeks, okay?
So we do ask that when you complete those five videos
and you've been here for four to five weeks,
if you're ready to move on to phase three,
you would send an email to admin at JackieJorman.com.
Requesting phase three, but you'll always see us coaches asking. Hey, did you complete all the videos?
Have you been here four or five weeks and have you been to some live calls? It's really important that y'all get engaged
So again, I can I'll talk about that a little bit later. Make sure that you're connecting with your sisters here in community
So why don't we I've done this on up on the call this last month. I didn't do it last week
I don't know if Ebony was able to do it. I want you ladies
Finding ways to connect with each other
So I typically leave like two minutes right here at the beginning
for you ladies to throw up your contact information in the chat and I want you to pull some of those names and
Those contacts and I want to encourage you to be bold
Step out of your comfort zone because some of you it will be it will be stepping out of your comfort zone getting to know
somebody new and
and
Connect with someone here in the community
Start building relationships here with your sisters here in community
there's so
Much fruit that can happen here ladies. I
Was in this community so for those ladies that are new, I'm Carla Johnson
I'm your face to coach here along with Ebony and Bethany pops in from time to time. I
Was a student of Jackie's I joined her in
2020 and I'm a success story, you know after two plus years a little over two years
My husband and I were introduced by someone in this community
she was on a
Singles Facebook group Christian singles Facebook group or whatever. He had made a post. She had no idea who he was
she just saw his post and read his his bio and
Immediately I came to her heart and
she
commented on his thing like hey
I really think I need to connect you with my friend Carla and
Then there were other women from our community that was also in this like separate group
That saw that because they knew who she was. They knew who I was we were you know, I wasn't in the group
So I couldn't be tagged
but then several of those women started commenting and
And he was bold enough to be like, okay like I'm gonna reach out to this girl now
Luckily, my friend had give me the like 4-1-1 was like, hey, what do you think about this guy?
Sent me screenshots of him and I was like, yeah, okay
Like he seems like a nice guy like he's okay looking like I didn't think he was drop-dead gorgeous
Even was talking to my husband about that last night. You know, I share that story. I tell him how I share that story often
Because I don't know if he really loves that I share that stories like hey and I'm like well
I mean, but then he's like well, obviously you married me. I'm like, yeah, obviously I'm very attracted to you
but at first I wasn't so but all of that to say is it was
Friends in this community that I built they were on the lookout for me just like I was on the lookout for them
So it's important that you start building
Relationships, so there's lots of contact information in the chat ladies pull some of those
write those down and
Make an effort to contact someone this week get to know them
Connect with them. Maybe do a video call with them. Maybe find out where they live
Maybe they live close to you go meet up for coffee
Go hang out start doing life with some of the ladies in this group
I still stay in a lot of contact with some of the women from this community. I had to pick my son up at
Up north in Green Bay over the summer because his dad lives in Upper Peninsula
Upper Peninsula, Michigan
And so I was flying to go pick him up and one of the women that I was friends with in this community
She lives 15 minutes away from the Green Bay Airport. And so I had some time
She came and picked me up at the airport
I went over to her house hung out with her got to meet her kids
We went in like her older son took my younger son to go walk across the street to get ice cream
Like we just had fun connecting so I still stay in contact
with a lot of those women so
That's why I encourage it
Yes, Holly, I love that you have your camera on I'm going through I'm going through the chat now
I want to I want to make sure I don't I don't lose any good questions or anything
Okay, and so Debra was helping out
Okay, someone asked if any of us had any background as Christian navigating taking dance classes, okay, that's cool
Yes, Lisa, there's five videos. So it's the kickoff
It's the dating 101
It's the divine feminine
Online dating and then boundaries is that fifth video? So that's where you're
five videos are.
Okay, awesome, I love that, Holly.
All right, and then I got everybody connecting.
We got someone from San Antonio, Texas.
I've been there a couple times.
I'm in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
I know Holly is from Chattanooga,
and she connected with Jill,
who I think now is in phase three.
She connected with her several weeks ago,
so that's been going great.
I got someone from Armand Beach, Florida.
I'm originally from Florida, good stuff.
Northern California, I know, yep, McKenzie.
We chatted, remember when I went to Napa?
I'm like, that's gonna be a yearly trip for me.
I loved it up there, it was so beautiful.
So we got some Canadians, Alberta.
We got lots of Canadians in this community, y'all,
like a lot, and so there is such a community there.
Like, connect, definitely connect with each other, for sure.
So yeah, definitely do that.
Someone's Rochester, New York, I love it.
See, look, look, some of y'all are already, like,
connecting, because y'all are, like, you know,
finding that you're from the same, like,
I love it, I love it.
So that's why I offer this opportunity up,
because I do think it is super important.
Yes, Catherine is from DFW as well, I love it.
I'm still very new to the area.
I always joke with my husband, I don't know if I joke,
I always get frustrated that everything is so far away.
I originally was from Sarasota, Florida,
and I felt like things were so much closer.
And I'm like, Dallas is two hours away from Dallas.
Like, it drives me crazy.
Like, I live in the Frisco area, and I'm like,
oh my goodness, like, it takes,
or the traffic here is ridiculous.
I got somebody from Austin.
Obviously, I love going to Austin.
I've been there several times.
I have a husband's family, lives in Burnett,
right outside of Austin.
So you see how this is just start generating connection.
And, oh, awesome, Carrollton McKinney.
So yes, I know, yes, that toll tag, y'all,
like, don't even get me started with toll fees.
I don't like them.
All right, so I don't wanna take up too much.
I feel like we're all getting, like, I'm really chatty.
Those of you that have been in phase two know
I'm super chatty, so I can easily get off topic.
So I'm gonna reel it back in,
and I'm gonna get us back on track here.
So hopefully, y'all were able to pull
someone's contact information,
and you're gonna find a way to connect with them this week.
I'm gonna make that part of your activation for this week
is connecting to people in community, okay?
So speaking of activations, I like to do some activations.
We did some in December where I had y'all
buying Christmas gifts for your future husband,
tying things through your Christmas tree,
and start stepping into that prophetic act of faith
of just that God's gonna do it,
God's gonna deliver this promise,
and we're gonna partner with that promise
because we're gonna be faith,
like, we're gonna take those steps of faith
and partner with him.
And so I was praying a little bit about what I thought,
what would be good for the new year
to have y'all do as an activation,
and I was reminded of something that I started,
and it really did begin when I joined this community in 2020.
And I heard it prior, but when I started
getting involved in this community early on,
we did what was like a word of the year, okay?
And I started praying for God to highlight a word or phrase
to get me excited for the new year.
You might've remember from phase one and the heart work,
Jackie speaking about New Year's resolutions,
and I never really loved New Year's resolutions.
New Year's resolutions, they're great
for like a month or two, and then, I don't know,
has anyone ever completed their New Year's resolution
for the entire year?
Crystal, I applaud you.
Gosh, like, I don't know how you do it
because I don't know about you all,
but it's like after a month, I kind of fall off.
And so that's why it's like, oh, I'm gonna eat healthy,
and then Valentine's rolls around,
and I'm like, ooh, I'll look at all those chocolates.
I don't have a somebody,
so I'm gonna buy these for myself,
and then I'm just stuffing my face with chocolate.
Like, no.
So then I'm like, oh, and then I felt discouraged
that I'm like, oh, and then there's like shame and guilt
that I didn't, you know, I didn't follow through.
And so I like this idea of.
You know praying for God to give me a word or phrase for the year and I kind of got away from it
This last, you know, I typically like to you know, pray on it and be thinking about it around like
Thanksgiving and the beginning of the holiday for God just just kind of start talking to me and highlighting a certain word. So
I'm I'm gonna start doing that this week
So I want to encourage you ladies if you haven't already done that because I know some people do do do the same thing
So I want you to spend time with the Lord and I want you to ask him to highlight a word or phrase
for you for your new year and
then when he gives you that word or phrase I want you to share it in our community and
So and this is I'm gonna also remind you ladies that we have on January 5th. We have
The prophesy your year so that might be something that you would be interested in and it might help you with your word
And so that is an extra fee on January 5th. You do have to register for it. It's $50
we also require that you have watched the
How to hear God session that we did a few weeks ago with Bethany Hicks
So if you want to participate in that you have to register you have to sign up
You have to pay the $50 and you have to make sure that you watch that how to hear God. Okay
So that might help you with your word for the year, I think from my understanding I I haven't I
Haven't I didn't do the one last year
But they break it down from my understanding is that you kind of prophesy over your year going month to month. And so
I'm looking forward to it this year. And so so I don't have a whole lot of details, but
I'm just putting that out there for those of you that might be new to the community and new to phase two and
Might not have heard about that. That is going to be in your resource tab
Also, I want you ladies to check out the latest pin from Bethany. She posted it just a few hours ago in our phase 2 app
there was a
Sunday night. We did a special session a prophetic night
And so I want you ladies to watch that replay and then one of the women in the community
She is like she does all this art like it's beautiful
So Bethany posted a picture of her sketches from that prophetic night
And so that might even help you
Withdrawing in closer to God to see if maybe he has a word to release for you. Okay, so I love someone
Collette Herbert is often often. I can't you know, I can't speak today
Really can't often I can't say it
Collette when you unmute and can you read that word because I can't say it right now
Authentic yes. Thank you. I mean like I've said it before the past for some reason. It's not coming out of my mouth
So, yeah, so she's sharing her words
So yeah, that's great one word that even God has kind of been speaking to me over the last day or two
I was been thinking about this is connection. So I don't know if there's maybe I
I always like to get connected to God and I'm not sure if that's a good way to do it
So, I don't know if there's maybe I'm I I always like to get confirmation from him
I like I need him to kind of
Tell me things and show me things and I need to hear from him in several different ways so that I just feel
Confident that I'm hearing from the Lord. So that's just how I process things
So that's why I like to sit with it
I like to sit with God
For you know several days and like allow him to kind of reveal things to me and speak to me and that's another thing ladies
If even if you're not going to do prophesy your year
that that on January 5th, I still
Encourage you ladies to listen to the how to hear God that session with Bethany Hicks
Because it will unlock things because God it like God has created us to hear him
but in so many different ways and
so
When I even listened to that when we had that session I went in the replay
I was reminded of how he can speak to me through
lyrics of songs that certain things will pop up in my head and
I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right
That is one way
But sometimes I forget that and so it was a good refresher and reminder of all the different ways that God can speak to us
I'm actually even allowing my daughter to listen to that because she made a comment to me several weeks ago
She's like God doesn't speak to me
She was kind of in in her emotions and there was like a lot of like friction
And then stuff like that, you know, that happens with teenage girls.
And so she just, and I was like, well, you know, spend time with God, like,
listen to him, what's he saying to you?
And she's like, he doesn't talk to me.
And I was like, okay.
And then I remembered this, you know, the session and I thought, you know what?
God put on my heart, like, let her listen to that.
Like I do, I do speak to her.
She needs to know that I, I, I love her and I've designed her to, to speak to her.
So it's really a really great session.
So, um, good, good stuff.
Okay.
So I love it.
There's lots of stuff going on in the chat, grace and ease.
Bethany kept saying it and then I had a mug made.
Oh, I love that.
That's like such a great reminder of when you have mugs, like if you're
like me and drink a lot of coffee.
Um, yes.
Holly, God speaks through you through music performance and dance and stuff.
Yes.
Cause you are, I can tell you are such a creative spirit.
I love that about you.
Like it's just, it it's contagious.
It's just, I love that.
So yes.
Awesome.
Lucy, no worries that you're late.
I've just been going over, um, some of our housekeeping stuff, connecting the women.
So go in the chat, check out a way to connect.
Use me with some of your sisters this week.
Um, giving you all the activation to go listen, spend some time with the Lord
and ask him to give you a word or phrase for 2025 and then reminding
you ladies of the prophesy your year.
Okay.
All right.
So a couple of things like we're about 27 minutes in, I promise this is not
going to, I'm not going to take up too much more time.
I just want to touch briefly on a couple of things that kind of came up in my spirit.
This is a month where we have five Tuesdays.
And so each week we typically go over four of the five videos.
And so when there's a fifth one, a fifth Tuesday in there,
it's kind of like a freebie.
And so that's kind of what today is.
And so I was spending some time with God and asking him like, what
do the women need to hear?
Um, today.
And so I really felt he wanted me to remind you ladies, how important
it is to engage in this community.
You know, I've witnessed so much happening.
I've been in this community since 2020.
I am married now.
He, I met him in 2022.
We got married in September of 2023.
So, and I've been coaching here now for over a year.
So I've been in this community for a long time.
All right.
And so I've seen and witnessed what happens for the women that are
showing up and engaging in community.
It's, there is something supernatural that really does happen.
There's an acceleration that happens and I'm not just talking
with meeting your husbands.
I'm talking all sorts of stuff.
I'm talking about deeper intimacy with the Lord right through that
happens, um, reconciliations with family.
Um, all sorts of stuff, healings from trauma, like things that you just
wouldn't like that literally the only response would be is that God just
supernaturally had an acceleration on it.
And so that happens when women are engaged in this community.
And, and what I mean by that is not just focusing on the men.
I S I've seen this, like, again, since I started this community, I was in
this community before the men came in and then we started joining men into
this community and y'all, it was like, women were on the prowl, like it was
like insane and me and some of the women would joke about that with each
other, like, Oh my goodness.
Like, there is just like, they're ravaging these men.
Like, where are they at?
What are the, and it was just like, Oh, so I get it.
Like, I got excited when the men came in the community.
Cause I was like, God's gonna bring me my husband through this community.
And I was just like, Jackie's going to introduce me to my husband.
And so I, I kind of held onto that for a really long time and I didn't
allow myself to really go out and date.
I didn't allow myself to do the online dating.
I wasn't trying to get out in community.
Like I was being coached to do.
And so I sat in this funk for a year and now granted God used that year to grow
me and my identity and other things that I needed to process too, because
he's a gentle, he's a gentle father.
Um, but I say, you know, I want you ladies to, you know, spend some time,
like engage in this community to know that there's so much more fruit that
comes from being in this community.
It's not just the husband, the husband's kind of like the bonus, Terry, but
there's so much more that comes with it.
And so I say that to, if, you know, just watch yourself of this, like.
Where'd a man at? Where'd a man at? Where'd a man at?
You know, you're only coming here because you want to meet the man
instead of like coming here because you have an expectancy that God's gonna start doing something and
Transforming you and stirring something in your heart and start prepping you and start giving you opportunities. Oh Lord. Oh, thank you Jesus
Yeah, I have Holy Spirit chills on that one
God wants to do something. I don't know who needs to hear that
but this community is God wants to do something really powerful in you and
It's gonna happen when you engage and you show up and being open and allowing God to just move
I often say that to you women that you know
We can sometimes go into these dates like is this my husband? Is this my husband?
Is this my husband and we forget that those sometimes God brings
Certain situations and certain dates and things like that because he wants to give us an opportunity to shift and grow and move I
dated a handful of guys before meeting my husband and God used those men to
grow me and show me my growth and
upgrade me and
So I don't want you to get discouraged when you go out on a date and it's not your guy
Because that guy could be that link of process and growth and
Breakthrough that's going to lead you to your spirit mate
Y'all if my husband came into the picture at the beginning of this community when I joined this community
I would have turned him away. I
Would have been like no, he's not for me
One was because he was living in Texas and I was like, I'm not moving
But God had to break the walls down that I had up
Y'all I had these non-negotiables that I thought were from heaven when really some of them were just walls
Okay, and I say that because again if we talk about this surrendering the pen and what that looks like
Okay, God is gentle and he will do things in layers
But I want you all to constantly be coming here with an open heart
Okay, I know a lot of you come in here and we give you that seven-day challenge and we talk about
We talk about like going online we have a we have a video and online dating
And I don't know about you all but I'm sure if I ask you raise your hand
How many of you are like do not want to do online dating?
There's a few of you I know y'all I was right there with you
In fact, that's how I met my by like my my my birth son's dad was online and
I got traumatized. I mean not try. I mean there was a lot of trauma there
And so my I had protector mode on I had to protect myself
There's scammers. There's you know men that say they're Christian and they're not Christian. Like I had all the walls up
I didn't want to do the online dating thing
Okay, and at first I didn't
So ladies if that's where you're at, I get it
I want you to constantly come every each and every day each and every week come with an open mind and an open heart
What does God want to do?
Okay, I did eventually start going online and I met some really great guys online I
met some really great guys that showed me where my growth was and
How I wasn't who I was in the past that God really was doing something in me
I was being attracted to healthier men healthier men were being attracted to me
like I
Wouldn't have saw that if I didn't release the pen and say, okay God, I don't want to do this online dating
But I feel like you're nudging me
I'm gonna go ahead and give it to you. I'm on testable. I'm gonna do it
Have your way
And so that
Real it does it opens the door it unlocks things
I just I say that because again engage in this community
surrender the pen
Even if if you're like, I'm not gonna do online dating
Okay, I heard God tell me I'm not gonna do online dating. Okay, I get it
Sometimes he is telling people like that
But sometimes we have to assess is it coming from a wall a fear whatever that is
Because that can happen it happened to me I've seen it happen in this community, okay
So I totally I totally totally get it. Another reason why it's important to be sharing in this community is and is because
We're here to coach you through this process
So when you are on dates, it is so important not even when you're even having
Interactions with men it is important for you ladies to come to our community and share what is happening
with your interactions and this is why like even just this week someone posted
a screenshot of a conversation that they're having with someone that they
haven't met in person yet or maybe they have I can't I don't recall and because
of that we are able to coach her into hey this looks like you might need to
practice some boundaries so Ebony was able to coach her like hey let's start
setting some strong boundaries I went and looked it over and I felt like okay
yeah thank you for for sharing this with us keep sharing what your interaction
with him because there were some yellow flags and some of the messages that he
was sending okay and so I'm not saying it because I want y'all to start being
suspicious but we're here as coaches to kind of be a lens for you so that you
don't have to go on this suspicion lens and like oh my goodness this is what
this guy's doing no sometimes guys just don't have the tools either all right we
have to give them the benefit of the doubt that's why I said hey make sure
that you're staying you know in contact with us and you're you're communicating
with us what's going on with this guy but she's willing I think to just you
know set some boundaries see where this goes set up an in-person meetup okay so
as she does that I want to make sure that these yellow flags don't turn red I
also want you to come in because there may be yellow flags that turn green and
y'all don't see them turning green you see them turning red but we're as
coaches gonna be able to help you filter through that that's why it's important
when you are texting calling video calling going on dates you let us know
what these interactions look like I have a lot of you women that will come
and say I went on a date and it's a no and you have a positive like I'm glad I
went out I'm like okay cool awesome I'm glad you're out on a date now I want to
know why was it a no sometimes it's a no because the guys just work he's not
healthy he's talking about sex he's being inappropriate like tell me then
I'll be like yeah ladies this is this is when it's a no some of you ladies
it's a no because um he just didn't talk about God on a first date I've had women
do that I just I don't think he has a relationship with Jesus well you only
had one date on one date with him sometimes we don't know that information
and so that's where we might coach you a little bit differently okay because then
and then if we're seeing like you're saying no no no and there's a pattern we
see that pattern and that might be a revealing for healing that might mean to
be something that we want to help you process through we want to help you
unlock okay so that's why again it's important to be communicating with us
what interactions you're having why why you like a person why you don't like a
person because this is discovery dating this isn't just about discovering more
about a new person it's also discovering yourself too so you hear us talk a lot
about that as well so that brings up that faith talk okay so I know like
ladies I say this from experience because y'all my son's biological father
I thought had a relationship with Jesus he said all the right things because he
knew I was looking for someone that had a connection and was a Christian I made
it very clear that that's what I wanted he was able to use that and disguise it
okay I'm not saying that to freak you ladies out okay I'm saying it because
it's it's a place that I've been there and so I was naive and I went too deep
too quick I've got physically involved with him before I actually really knew
him and I didn't allow the process of dating to happen I didn't allow myself
that level to just get to know you like let's see you know who this person is I
want to see his character by interactions no I dove in super quick
and I listened to his like sweet little nothings about how he went to church he
went to church every week and he said all the right things once we got into
a relationship and I got pregnant very quickly into that relationship y'all
and then I felt like I was locked in this was pregnant I was like no this is
what God wants you know God's answering my prayer I really and I really did
believe that for a really long time I was so
blind to all of the yellow and red flags.
And so, I went in, then I got, because of that,
I understood, I wanted someone that had a strong faith.
And so, like many of you, you wanna get to that quick.
You're ready to ask all the questions,
you're ready to ask him like, what's his faith life like?
What's his prayer life like?
You know, you wanna know all the things, right?
You know, does he speak in tongues?
Is he prophetic?
Like, the experience of all that, you know, we do that.
And so, I get it, because I, at one point,
was right there with you, and I had it
because I had this fear of like,
I didn't wanna get in the mess that I got myself in before.
And so, one thing that Jackie helped me learn was pacing,
that level two pacing, level one, level two pacing,
not rushing in, not deep diving,
not getting physical early on.
And I'm talking, like, I wouldn't even kiss a man
if I wasn't in a level three committed relationship.
I told my husband on our first date
when he asked to kiss me, no.
I wasn't going, and trust me, I wanted to.
I really liked him, okay?
I wasn't sure I was like,
super physically attracted to him yet,
but there was something that I was drawn in
because it was, there was a connection there.
It was, you know, divine, in my opinion,
but I wasn't going to just jump in.
And so, yeah, when he asked to kiss me, I was like, no.
So, there was a lot of that stuff
that I had to learn in that process.
And so, another thing that she taught me was
I didn't have to deep dive into the faith conversation.
I didn't have to interrogate.
I didn't have to ask questions.
Instead, what happened is that
as I was getting to know people, asking questions,
them asking me questions, me answering their questions,
my faith, because it was important to me,
naturally came up in conversation.
I think on one of the first conversations that I had,
actually, it was three weeks into getting to know my husband
right before we met in person, we were on a phone call,
and he was asking me something,
and I began to talk to him about my desire
and my heart for churches serving single parents,
because I felt like churches just didn't know
how to serve single parents.
And so, I was talking to him about it,
about how, yeah, like, because he might have asked me,
like, what is something I'm passionate about?
Like, ladies, that could be one of your questions to me.
So, tell me something that you're passionate about.
And then if they turn around and ask you something
that you're passionate about, guess what?
Open door.
I'm really passionate about my relationship with God.
You know, I go to this church,
and I just started going to this one.
This is what I told my husband, like,
I moved from a church that I was at for 10 years,
God told me to move from this church,
and I started going to another church,
and I started to see this pattern,
how the single parents were underserved,
that a lot of people didn't know how
to help single Christian parents
connect in community while they had children.
And I was like, this is such a passion for me.
You know, going to weekday services
when I have to get off of work,
rush to aftercare to pick up my kid,
get him home to feed him dinner,
bathe and get ready for bed
and maybe do a little bit of homework.
How was I gonna make a Wednesday church service?
Because I needed to feed my kid.
So now I'm going and I'm like,
I don't wanna feed him fast food all the time
because I felt like I was doing that
because I was a baseball mom too.
And I was like, why do churches not offer services
during the week that offer like potluck?
Bring something in so that way you can feed family
and connect in community and fellowship.
And I brought that to attention of one of the pastor's wives
at this new church I went to.
So I was telling my husband about it.
I mean, he was my husband at the time.
He was the guy I was dating.
I hadn't even met him yet.
And that was able how I was able
to share a piece of my passion.
And so then my husband was able
to kind of share some of his faith.
And then through time, like we had the conversation
where he was then able to open up his walk.
He came from a very prophetic background.
Like his, both sides of his family,
his mother and father are divorced.
They both come from very prophetic characters.
background and so he has experience with that and that was a deep desire of my
heart that I had someone because I I was this community itself drew me into the
prophetic I didn't have experience prior to this community with the prophetic but
I was starting to have dreams and visions prior to this group and I
couldn't make sense of it I thought I was going crazy y'all I told my husband
I thought I had like a brain tumor because I was seeing things I would be
awake woken up from a like spiritual dream and I closed my eyes and be awake
and I was seeing stuff y'all I thought I had a brain tumor and so it was this
community and once I got connected with people that were familiar with the
prophetic I started understanding it more and God's just been releasing and
doing so much in my life through this community that had nothing to do with
the husband but it was a desire of mine as I learned how God was speaking to me
and what he could like it was fascinating to me I felt closer to the
Lord than I ever had before and so I desired someone that had that I never
told my husband prior that that's what I was looking for I wasn't probing him to
see does he speak in tongues because then I got the gift of being able to do
that I asked God Lord I want this and it literally it came on me like fire and I
was blown away and I was like oh I'm gonna need a husband that is comfortable
with that and so but I didn't I didn't ever share that with my husband it
naturally came up God winked at me it was like girl I already know who your
husband is and what your heart desires because I put that desire there and I've
already got it figured out I'm already intentional about who I have for you for
a spirit mate I didn't have to go like interrogating and to find out God was
able to gradually show me with my pacing of how that worked naturally so I
encourage you ladies bring your faith in a natural way in the topic of
conversation and you'll be surprised okay but understand it can take time
okay all right we got I feel like I covered a lot I really always like to
make sure that we leave lots of room for coaching so now I'm going to open the
floor to y'all so just let me see how many of you at this very moment you're
like I have a question raise your hand I see some questions in the chat so Camilla
how old were you when you got married so I am 41 now I got married when I was I
got engaged when I was 40 my husband proposed to me on my 40th birthday and
we got married that year okay from the moment that I we started being exclusive
to our marriage it was exactly nine months so that was on December 3rd of
2022 and I had a vision or a dream dream and vision years prior in this
community in 2020 when I first got into this community and I had a dream that I
was pregnant like fully pregnant and it wasn't because I was gonna get pregnant
but it was there was a lot of words being spoken in this community at that
time about a birthing season and so there was a lot of talk about that I
remember being fully pregnant like I was gonna birth something and I saw a
calendar with September at the top and the number three like the little square
for the number three and it was like protruding out at me and I remember
being like okay does this mean I'm gonna get pregnant and my baby's gonna be born
on you know like I thought of all those things I sat with the Lord on that like
God didn't reveal to me right away what what that dream was about he gave me
indications of things and and things eventually started unfolding and then
when I'm you know met my husband and we were talking about a date I was just
like I really think September 3rd is supposed to be when I'm supposed to get
married like does that date work for you and and it did and it was great because
it was on a Sunday which meant like we got cheaper cost of a venue because on a
Saturday and then it didn't dawn on me until like closer to our wedding and
after our wedding that I made I put
the two and two together, that that Sunday, September 3rd, was
the day before Labor Day, y'all. And then, because we
started exclusively dating on December 3rd, September 3rd was
nine months prior. So you always talk about, you know, women
being pregnant for nine months. And so it like, again, these are
not things that like, it was just like ways that God was
speaking to me. And I didn't start making the connection
until things started falling into place. It was almost like
after the fact where I'm like, Oh, these are confirmations. So
yes, I was never married when I was in this program. I joined in
2020. So I was 37. I think 37 was 37 when I joined this
community. And I met my husband was 39. And he proposed to me on
my 40th birthday. And we got married when I was 40. And now
I'm 41. So that's the long answer to your question. So I
was 41. I'm 41. I was 40 when I got married.
Colette, I'm so glad that you needed this. I'm so glad that
that's speaking to you. Okay, we've got lots of questions,
ladies. We've got six on the board. If at any moment you have
a question, put your hand up. Okay. So those ladies that have
your hands up now, I'm going to ask that you be short, brave and
powerful so that we you know, try to stay true to time. Okay,
let's just give me all the little the details that
important details that I need to know. And let's stick to one
question. If you have two questions, I'll come we can
always circle back around. Cool. Alright, so because yeah, now we
got seven. I love it. All right. Lucy, I see your hand first. How
are you? Good to see you.
Hi, Carla. And great. Good to be here. And thank you so much for
sharing that. Yeah. Um, so my question is, I've my phenomenon
I've been navigating coming out of this heartwork season. That's
been a lot of interest from guys. Not all. But with that has
been like the interest and then oh my gosh, what do I do? You
know, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Um, or sometimes they get upset
when they might think that they're ready to like plow
forward, but there's other guys as well. And I'm wondering, how
do I navigate this with peace? Because what it feels like is
like, interest, and then all of a sudden, maybe I'm not
navigating it, right? And then nothing. And I'm like, did I
mess it all up? And okay. Yeah, from guys has been like, they
maybe were ready to get exclusive or things like that.
And
yes, so I experienced a lot of that too. So I can totally relate
and I see it often. So the couple things that came up when
you were talking is I want to remind you ladies, you are not
responsible for how people respond to you. I want to
release you from feeling responsible for how people
respond to you. That's on them. Okay, so you don't have to be
anxious. You don't have to worry about how they're going to
respond to you because you know that you want to take this
pacing slow. And ladies, let me tell you, a masculine mature
marriage minded man, I'm getting Holy Spirit chills on this one,
is going to want to honor and protect that for you. So if a
man is not willing to slow down to the pace that you are
comfortable with, then it's okay if he walks away. 100% Y'all
when I told you that story about me saying to my husband, I want
to kiss you. He respected that boundary. I told him I'm not
going to kiss someone that I'm not an exclusive relationship
with. With. I did that for me. Not because I was worried. Like
is he gonna like me? Is he not gonna like me? No. I knew
myself, how attached I get. And I didn't want to do it the same
way. I knew being physical with something was something that was
sacred. I was waiting to merit for marriage. So I wanted to
pace myself on the kissing. So it was okay. And you know what,
some guys would have been like, okay, bye. Like it is some guys
They just want to, because you ladies are catches.
Some of these ladies are going to, men are like these men are going to scoop you
ladies up. But if you're not ready for that,
it's okay to say, can we slow it down a bit?
I had to do that with a guy that I dated and he was a really nice guy.
I had gone on three dates with this guy.
This is one of the very few guys that I made it to a third date with.
We had set up a fourth date, but he was so persistent. I mean, he was,
he was a, he was, we call it stage five clinger.
This guy was a clinger. And I was like, I don't know.
I don't know if I want to be exclusive with this guy yet.
I'm still learning this process. I'm still trying to discover who I am,
discover what I like, discover who he is.
I'm still interested in seeing what else is out there.
And he was just like, let's go, let's go, let's go. And I was like, no,
I need you to respect that. I'm not ready for that. And he would,
he would respect it for a minute.
And then he brings something else to the front. I'm like, Whoa, dude,
you got to slow down. And I'm like, God, I'm going to release this guy.
God, I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not. I don't know.
I literally had that. What if I'm messing it up? This is my spirit mate.
And I'm like, I just screwed it up. And I was like, but God was like,
and, and, and women in this community and Jackie were like,
you can't mess up your spirit mate. You can't.
And so I was like, okay, God, I'm going to release this guy.
And if I was not supposed to do that,
I know that you are a good father and you're going to give me another
opportunity, but it's not going to be out of my doing.
It's not going to be out of my forcing.
It's not going to be out of my insecurity or my confusion or me trying to be
like, well, maybe if I reach back out to them, nope,
I was going to let God do all of that. And I will tell you ladies,
that lasted for like over a year.
Like I released him and I had no contact with him.
And there were times that even Jackie would bring him up to me.
And I thought, well, maybe that's what I need to do. I knew. Nope. Nope. Lord,
I told you, you were going to do it.
And I almost reach out to this guy. I almost bit the bullet.
I almost like was like, no, I'm gonna take it back.
I'm going to take that pin over.
And I'm glad I didn't because a few weeks later,
my husband sent me a message.
So like, it's okay to pace yourself.
I get what it feels overwhelming.
This is when communicating your boundaries and what you need
coming to our community, sharing with us, like what you're experiencing,
because we'll coach you through that. Okay.
If you're not sure how to lay a boundary down,
we can help you with that. That's what we're here for.
But the biggest thing I really feel many of you need to hear is
you are not responsible for how men respond to you.
That's good.
100% an honorable,
mature, masculine,
respectful man is going to want to honor and protect you period.
Are they going to do it perfectly? No,
but that's when we talk about boundaries and communication.
Ladies communication is huge.
I still have to learn how to communicate better with my husband. Y'all.
I snapped at my husband this morning and he got, he was not happy with me.
He was patient with me though.
Cause I snapped and he's like,
can you not respond to me where you're yelling at me?
And I still didn't want it to get in defense mode. And like, well,
you did this and that's why you weren't listening to me.
And I wasn't done talking.
Like I was not communicating well with my husband.
All right. I don't do it perfectly. So guess what?
Men don't do it perfectly either. He doesn't do things perfectly,
but he's patient and he's loving to me.
He was patient with me today. And I was like, Oh right.
I have to say, I'm sorry. I have to work on that.
Okay. Lucy, I hope that helps you. I hope that helps a lot of you.
All right. Jeannie, your hand is up next. Yeah. And Lisa, okay, good.
You saw how to raise your hand. I see your hand now.
Yeah. I was doing the seven dates
thing and so I was like, Oh wow.
So it just worked out that somebody
somebody from my church. We ran into each other right before I went on a kind of a work trip and
a vacation trip and they were going to be kind of in the area where I was going to end up with
vacation. So long story short, we started talking. We talked on the, it was somebody I didn't,
I just knew casually from volunteering, but we started talking and we just had the best time.
We were texting, we were talking. We did like six FaceTime dates because I was, I was on vacation.
We were far away. And so I'm just, you know, just connected on every level. Just, it was just
really sweet. And so then we, he was, we were going to spend the day on the, the seventh would
be an in-person date and we were going to spend the day. And before I flew back to the, my home,
to my home, and he had just recently moved from there. So, so his home, my home would like 400
miles apart. So that was a little tricky, but, but anyway, but we were just, I was so excited.
I was looking so forward to it. He was excited, but when we, when we actually physically were in the
same area, whatever it was like this shield just popped, you know, it was just like, it was just
like a real hesitancy. And I'm not, when you guys were met, when we met and were with each other
and he was, he was fine. It was on my end. And, and I'm not usually like that. Like usually that's
not, especially when I'm looking for. So you're saying that you were feeling like you needed to
put a protective guard up? Yeah. Yeah. It was like, it was like that. And it was like a gut feeling,
I guess. And, and his, and I, and I was just thinking, well, what's wrong with me? I'm
thinking something's wrong with me. You know, what am I, why am I being hesitant? Why am I,
you know, kind of doing like that? That one, maybe, maybe I need more hard work or something,
but it was just one of those things. And so I just went along with it and, and,
and just enjoyed, you know, enjoyed the date and everything. But, but I was thinking the whole time,
I, this is not, this is not a love connection. This is, he's not the same person. He's not the
same person that, you know, it was just weird. And, and one of my family members actually met
him briefly when he came to pick me up. And, and then, then I got back, I got back and I kind of
texted my family and I was safe. The family members felt the same thing I did. They're like,
there was some weird vibes about that. And I'm like, so anyway, so wow. I, so I kind of talked
because he was kind of thinking about let's keep dating. And I kind of had to have that
conversation yesterday on the phone and it didn't go real, it didn't go real well. I mean, and I
just said, Hey, you know, I'm kind of just, I didn't say I had a weird vibe. I just said, you
know, I just didn't feel like it was really, you know, going anywhere and I'd like to still be
friends or whatever. And, and, and, and he was like, basically, no, I don't do just the friends
thing. I got plenty of friends and just cut it off. And, but I just, I was like, you were saying,
I was like, Oh man, did I do, was I, you know, you question a bunch of stuff after that.
So, yeah, there was a couple of things that you, you know, you mentioned like, again,
that discernment thing. So again, you know, and, and not, you know, I'm not saying ladies,
when you get that, that it immediately means that that person's not it. It just means there's
something that there might need, you might need to process with the Lord. It could be the Lord
kind of saying, you know, I'm going to, this is, this is not, this is not it for whatever reason.
It could be a fear in you. Like maybe, you know, if you haven't dated in a while, like sometimes
the anxiety can kind of come. So it could be anxious. If you're a feeler like me, like I feel
like I have, I've had to learn and I'm still learning how to not pick up other people's
emotions. I will feel other people's emotions. Okay. And I'll be like, why am I angry?
I'm like, I don't have anything to be angry about, but I'm angry because I'll feel it.
Same thing with like someone's like stress and anxiety or sadness. I feel people's sadness all
the time. Like, so sometimes it's that, so you could be picking up maybe some of his energy or
somebody near you, whatever that is. Don't neglect it. Don't neglect what you're feeling, but do
take it and process it.
us it with the Lord. Right. And I took a couple of days. I took a couple of days to do that
because I was, I didn't want to just, like you said, just jump in. Yeah. And I liked
how you also said I stayed on the date and I, I enjoy, I, I did my best to enjoy the
date. Yeah, I did. Yeah. Enjoy the dates. Yeah. Enjoy spending time with them. You should
only be on these dates for an hour to two hours tops. Like spend two hours enjoying
yourself. Right, right. So, so definitely I like that you did that. I also want to
highlight to ladies, this is also another reason. Now I understand your situation. You
guys couldn't meet up face to face. There was a lot going on, but this is, this is one
reason why we tell you ladies don't spend more than a week texting and talking on the
phone without trying to get a video date or in person date. Okay. Yeah, that's true. You
get used and there's a comfort and you, you get to know them in a different way. And then
in person they don't show up the same way. Sometimes there's just a disconnect and then
that can just lead to disappointment because you're like, Oh, I was just anticipating like
we were going to flow and this was going to be a great connection. And then it's kind
of like, wah, wah. And then you're just like, I just spent four weeks getting to know this
person. And for like, here's the thing, ladies, if you're spending three to four weeks, you're
probably going to start getting into some deeper conversation. Yeah, we did. We did,
you know? And so then that's why when we're getting in those deep conversations, it's
natural for women to feel that connection. Connection. Yeah, exactly. And so when then
it doesn't translate in person, we can kind of, we have this expectation that leads to
this disappointment and we don't want that. So that's why we want you ladies going on
these dates as soon as possible. But again, like understanding your situation, it was,
it's difficult. It's not, ladies, it's not always going to fit in the box. Like not be
able to follow and check all the boxes that we tell you to do. Sometimes like life is
just sticky and messy and you know, it doesn't always work that way, but understand, Oh,
this is why, because it's just not translating and it doesn't have to be something that you
have to sit in disappointment. You can just say, okay, I learned something new. God's
showing me something different, showing me how to do things differently now. And again,
learning his response is not your responsibility. Right? I think it's gracious. He was gracious
and he's a nice person, you know? I mean, a really, really great person. And that's
what I said. I, you know, but anyway, yeah, it just, it was just like you did it. Like
we don't ever want to bring like drag people along that we're just not going to, we're
not your spirit mate, right? Like you can, when you release and you know, you feel confident
that this person is not it. And you just say, Hey, I, the best way to say that ladies, what
is the best way I would say, Hey, I, I really appreciated the time that we've gotten to
get to know each other. I appreciate the date that we went on and had a lot of fun. I don't
see this going anywhere romantically. So I just wanted to let you know, if you're open
to friendship, I'd be down, but I just, I don't, I don't want to drag this on. I want
to respect your time. Yeah. And that's, yeah, that's kind of how it went. So that was good.
Yeah. Okay, good. I did say that. I did say that sort of, so, okay, good. Yeah. So that's
what I'm saying. Like the way you said that, I think it's fine. Now then however, those
men respond to you, that's on them. That's with where they're at. I had the same thing
happened to me with that guy that I told you I had three dates with, and he kind of kept
like wanting to be more. And I wasn't ready for that. I had to kind of let him down gently.
I'm sure I messed it up. All right. Cause ladies, we're going to mess things up. It's
okay. All right. We're going to do things like, Oh, I shouldn't have done it that way.
We don't have to stress about it. Okay. Move like noted. Next time I'll do it better. And
he didn't, he didn't like it either. I'm sure he was feeling pretty insecure. He felt rejected
like that's rejection and they feel vulnerable too, you know? And so when they respond that
it's just an understanding of, yeah, they're probably feeling a bit rejection. They're
feeling annoyed at ladies. Sometimes it happens where you say that. And ladies, some of these
men can get very explosive. And then that's when you're just like, bless and block. I'm
glad I listened to my, I'm glad I listened to the Lord when he told me to not like to
end things. I mean, you'll see how they respond. And again, that response isn't your responsibility.
That's the stuff that they can work on. And you can just bless them beyond the way, like
we don't have to coach them. We don't have to.
Tell them what they did wrong.
Oh, you shouldn't have treated,
like you shouldn't have responded that way.
No, we don't even have to tell them
that their response was not a good, healthy response.
It's not our job.
It's our responsibility.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
Crystal, how are you?
Welcome to phase two.
Hopefully you're enjoying this live call for the first time.
Thank you, yes.
So my questions are many in all in one
that can be probably summed up.
So I'm new over here, okay?
And I've watched a few of the beginning things,
the intro stuff and the beginning things.
And this is my main question
and then maybe a little bit intertwined
so you can understand.
My feeling for me is that,
I guess I'll start with a little bit of backstory,
is that I was engaged to be married a year ago,
December 9th, and I'm out of a relationship
with my ex-fiance that has more safety concerns
than you can begin to know about police involvement.
Okay?
That's true.
But I've dealt with those things.
But coming from the unhealthy place and things like that,
but I've done a lot of like in the past,
like over the past 17 years,
I've done work in finance business, all Christian related.
I've learned that following directions
is the most important thing
even when we don't understand why to follow directions.
So my tendency, but you can correct me
because of where I came from
and this is what I'd like to do,
but you can tell me if it's wrong,
is that I would like to go through all the material
before I date.
Because you just said something like,
you should be only on a date for an hour or two.
And it's like, Jackie put out
the first like seven day challenge,
but I'm like, no, I wanna get all the information.
I wanna write down the phrases that I'm supposed to say.
I wanna know what I shouldn't do,
what I should do so that I don't make a repeat
of what I just did.
Gotcha.
Yes.
So there are so many women
that come into the community here in phase two.
I've seen women do what you're talking about.
I wanna know the content first.
I wanna go through that.
Then I wanna go through the dating process.
I've encouraged women,
like if you feel like you're ready to go out on a date,
let's do it.
It's trial and error.
That's why we say, bring it to community.
What are you experiencing?
We'll coach you through it.
You can't mess anything up, okay?
But I was like you, I'm very like, I gotta follow rules.
I'm a rule follower.
So I wanna take it all in.
So I, if that is where you feel comfortable and peace,
I say, do that.
But I also would like to,
and that's my other part of the question is,
Jackie challenged us to put it out on Facebook.
Now, I wouldn't do that because of my safety issues,
but I would like access to that post.
And I would like to follow directions
and let a few people that are safe for me
know that personally.
So I would like to follow kind of some of the directions
as I'm moving along and not like,
and just let go of control.
You know, if God wants to change along the way,
but right now just coming in and hearing the intro
and hearing some of the things you said today,
it's like, okay, God, like I really wanna make sure
that I do this God's way and super healthy.
Yes.
So speaking to that, like put it out there post,
it doesn't have to be a social media post.
So like for your instance, like that's,
again, it's a safety concern.
So that's where we wouldn't advise you to do that
because your safety is number one.
I've had women in the community that will just go
and reach out to a few friends,
like close friends and family members
and just having conversation with them,
sending them a text message.
Hey, I'm in this community, I'm learning so much,
I'm getting so much heart healing
and it's a way for me to prepare for what God's promised me
and that's marriage.
And so I'm really looking for my spirit mate.
And if you know any great guys that are,
have a love for the Lord and you think of me,
can you send them my way?
It's just, it's simple, like it's just a text message.
You know, pick a couple people.
So I've had women do that too,
where they pick a couple close friends
and then they share that.
Because I also am aware that even on social media,
there's some unhealthy people that are in our lives,
but they're on social media.
I mean, I had this happen when my husband and I
decided to be in an exclusive relationship.
He questioned why I didn't make it Facebook official.
And I told him I didn't want him
to make it Facebook official.
And he thought it was like a rejection on him.
I said, no, it's because I believe
that there's power in words.
And I think that there's some people
that are gonna be very critical and judgmental of it.
And I don't want that being.
and put it in the atmosphere.
I don't want to be that put in the spirit.
Like, I want to let people that I love and care about
that support me, that are walking alongside me
in my faith walk, I want them to know first
so that they can cover us in prayer.
That was important to me.
So I didn't want to put it out in the real world just yet
because I wanted our relationship to be covered in prayer
by people that were very important to me first.
So that can happen too on social media.
I did put a social media post out
because I was just like,
hey, everybody knew I was looking to date.
And I got like a few people that reached out
and it didn't work out, whatever.
But yeah, for some women,
there's some toxic unhealthy family members
that are in their social media
and they can be pretty cruel and pretty mean.
And so I'm not for that either.
So that's why we give you these guidelines,
but at the end of the day,
it's where do you have peace with it?
It's going to the Lord, it's talking to us about it
and going from there.
So yes, just share with a few girlfriends,
don't post it on social media.
Okay, just send out a text,
hey, this cool thing that I'm doing,
this cool group I'm in, it's really great.
And I'm believing that God's gonna bring me my spirit mate
and I believe that he can match us in community.
So if you know anybody, send them my direction.
And then, like you said, watch the videos
because we tell you four to five weeks in this community.
If you want to spend four to five weeks in the community,
just grabbing the content, coming to the live calls,
getting information.
And when you get through those five videos,
those five weeks,
do you want to stay another five weeks
to start putting into practice
and coming to the calls and getting coaching
on the practice that you're doing?
That's fine too.
We're not gonna kick y'all out of phase two
and push you into phase three
before you're totally ready, all right?
We're not gonna send you out after five weeks.
I have women in here that are here sometimes
for about three months, sometimes four.
When we start seeing you kind of gravitate
towards like four, five, six months,
then we might say, okay, it's time to shift you over.
But we understand life happens, okay?
So.
Do you recommend that we at least get some dates
before we move to phase three?
You don't have to.
Okay.
You don't have to.
That's just gonna be with,
are there dates coming your way?
Some people, they might live in certain areas
where they're just not getting it.
I didn't go on a date for over a year in this community.
You know, Jackie eventually was like,
okay, Carly, you're going on a date.
I'm setting you up with somebody.
It's not a love connection.
You just need to go out.
So she was all about like,
and that's another thing.
Like sometimes ladies will tell you,
go out with this guy even though he's not your spirit mate.
Just put it into practice.
Just enjoy getting to know something.
Enjoy someone like buying you dinner.
Enjoy just going out and having a fun activity.
It doesn't, every date doesn't have to be,
this is my husband.
Okay.
Okay, thanks so much.
You are welcome.
So glad to have you with us.
Brittany, welcome back.
I don't think I've seen you in a couple of weeks.
How are you?
What's your question?
I'm doing pretty well.
I do have a question.
So can you just repeat for me,
I know you said it earlier
when you were asking someone else's question,
but can you just repeat when to shift over
to like a video date or in-person?
I started, I got matched,
actually I've matched with someone online,
even though I don't really care about online dating,
but I did match with a man.
And so we just started having conversation.
I wanna say now it's maybe like day three.
So I don't wanna go over to video date too,
like video, like call too quickly or anything like that.
But I just wanted to just get an idea.
I just wasn't sure if I missed it
in like one of the videos that I saw.
Yeah, I always say, you know,
have a couple interactions, like a couple back and forth,
like, you know, get to understand,
like ask questions about their interests,
what kinds of things do they like, you know?
And then after you've had a couple interactions
and you feel like, you know,
there's someone that you would enjoy
and could carry a conversation for an hour or two,
then just say, hey, like, you know, this is really fun.
You know, getting to know each other back and forth,
why don't we jump on a video call?
Like, so we can see each other in person.
Or, I mean, I didn't always jump to the video call.
Sometimes I just offered the in-person meetup
because I was comfortable with that.
Like after a while.
like I got comfortable with that. Like I know some ladies,
like it's been a while since you date,
so it might be an extra cushion and extra buffer. And I did that too.
I did video dates, you know, let me FaceTime you,
let me see that you're a person, you know? And then I was like, okay, cool.
And I didn't stay on those video dates long. It was just like, you know,
I did zoom. So I had free zoom, it lasted 40 minutes.
So then I would get off after 40 minutes and be like,
like as I, and to be like, this was fun. Let's, let's,
let's actually like set up a time to meet.
Let's like go out and do something before I get off that call.
If I enjoyed getting to know them on that, like there was one guy,
I think he was like, actually, no,
I ended up going out on a date with this guy,
but he was like carrying his phone around, moving it around.
I don't think he had his shirt on.
I saw him like, and it was kind of in the evening hours, like, you know,
seven o'clock at night, seven, eight o'clock at night,
probably around eight cause my son was in bed and you know,
it's dark and I see the TV on and he plops himself in front of the TV and I'm
seeing the light from the TV and I'm seeing his eyes focused on the TV.
And I'm like, you're not even interested in getting to know me yet. I still,
you know what? I'll let the man take me out to dinner. It wasn't a fabulous dinner.
I think it was to some like the Olive garden, but I got a feel out of it.
I enjoyed that. And look, I had a good time.
I try to have a good time anywhere I go, honestly.
And so needless to say,
I think that guy was just hoping that after dinner I was gonna want to hang out
with him at his house because he picked a restaurant that was literally like
five minutes from his apartment.
I think he, I think he, I made a very clear like that.
That was not something that I was into.
So I think he was just ready for the date to be done. He paid for it.
And I was like, thank you. And you know,
he did check to make sure that I got home safe. Cause I drove actually,
I think like 40 minutes, you know, I was okay with driving by then.
And, and I was up in the area visiting a friend anyway. I made it,
I made it and I, I didn't just drive there just to meet up with him.
I was going to make it an event. Like I was going to go have another, you know,
a thing to do.
And so I had ended up hanging out with my friend prior to the date,
went on the date with him and was on my way home. And he was nice. Like, Oh,
did you get home safe? Yeah, I got home safe. You know, thanks again for dinner.
And then there was never any connection after that. And it was totally fine.
So, you know, all this to say like, again, going back to your question,
I say no more,
no more than a week if you can help it of the back and forth texting and talking
before you jump on video or live like an actual in-person date.
Okay. Get like, get some interactions there.
Do your best to not deep dive in that first week.
And I'm also like, ladies try to really refrain from like texting all day,
every day, right? Seven days a week, every day, like all hours of the day.
I mean, that happened to me too. Sometimes, I mean, my husband did that.
I'm like, okay, you work from home. I don't like, can you like,
you're blowing my phone up. Like that was something that I was even talking to my
husband last night about things that were yellow flags that I had of him.
And I didn't tell him this, but this just came up. Like he blew up my phone.
I was like, I need space.
And I was like listening to Jackie's coaching too.
Like we shouldn't be constantly engaging all hours of the day to someone we not
even met yet. So, but again, like, as you see,
I didn't let that be a, I'm not going to go out and meet this guy.
Ladies had I done that, I probably would still not be married right now.
So it's being open and also giving grace there.
Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that.
I just had to paste that out and I at least try to answer like once a day.
I don't, yeah, I've learned my lesson in the past.
Sometimes it's putting a boundary. I'm saying, Hey, like, you know, I,
I want you to know that like, I'm not trying to avoid you.
I just can't be on my phone all hours of the day. I,
I can respond at, you know,
this time in the evenings or in the mornings,
but just so you're aware, like I'm,
I may not be responding immediately to you.
It's not because I don't want to get to know you. It's just,
I'm not near my phone. I have things, you know, happening,
but I do want to get to know you. I mean, it's just literally,
it's just about communicating that. Yeah, of course, that boundary.
And then that way maybe they'll kind of catch the hint, like, Oh wow. Like.
suffocating her. Thank you. You're welcome. Hey, Mackenzie.
Good to see you. Good to see you too. Um, I, I have two
questions, but I'll wait for one of them till at the end if we
have time. But one of the questions that I have is, um, so
I've been talking with one of the guys that I'm talking to,
we've been kind of talking for a little bit over a week, but it's
kind of wonky with Christmas and stuff. Yeah. Um, and we have
a lot in common and a lot of things that I think we would
like, um, connect on, but he, it's definitely slower
communication, which is okay. Um, and for, I guess my question
is, um, he, I sent him a text, like probably not yesterday, but
the day before, and he hasn't responded yet, but I know he's
told me that he's like in, in my area three days a week,
because he travels and works here three days a week and then
goes two hours home. Um, my question, is it bad for me to
like double text and say, Hey, when you're in town next week,
if you have time, can we like initiate a date? Because I'd
kind of like to know sooner than later, rather than kind of
like, you know, not, you know, if we're going to end up
together, but just kind of continuing to, to converse with
him, is it bad for me to double text him or should I just wait
for him to respond?
Okay. So let me get this straight. You guys have been
texting for a week now. Yes. Okay. A week. Is, is there a
flow, like a back and forth? Usually?
Yes. Yes. There's, it's like back and forth. And usually he
texts late at night, cause he gets off work late. And so then
I will respond until I go to bed, but it's usually so late.
It's hard to get much conversation, but we've had a
lot of like, I would say, um, full conversation in those
texts, but it just is not, I don't know.
Have you made it clear that you are open to meeting?
We haven't talked at all about meeting.
Okay. Um, and you just mess, was this message just today or
yesterday?
It was on, what's today? Today's two.
Who was the last person that texted? Was it you?
I did. Yeah.
And what did you send?
I sent, let me pull it up. Cause he, it was on Sunday and he had
asked me how, cause we were talking about how Sunday went
and he, and then he asked me how my Sunday was and then I
responded, backed in and then I didn't ask him a question back,
but I just kind of let him know how my Sunday was. And then I
haven't, he hasn't responded after that.
Because you didn't have a question for him, did you?
Yeah. I didn't include a question.
It's been a couple of days. I think it's again, like sometimes
it's, it's about just reciprocating, you know, you
know, some, yes, we want men to kind of initiate and like start
that trend. But again, like it's okay for us to also
reciprocate and also initiate at times. So this is that kind of
in between, like you guys haven't met yet. So this would
be like, you can drop the hanky, like, Hey, now that the
holidays are over, what are your thoughts about trying to
find a time for us to connect and meet in person? Okay. I say
throw that out there. Now at that point, the ball's in his
court. For sure. Okay. Let him start initiating. Let him show
interest. Okay. Well, we don't want to happen. So that's why I
love that you asked that question because what can tend
to happen is that for any of us that are anxious attachers, like
I was an anxious attacher. Like, I would be like, Oh, well, I
need it. I need to, you know, get in front of them more. Like,
I'm not in front of them enough. And so we want to make sure that
that's not what we're doing. So I love hearing that question.
And like, before doing that, like, this would be a situation
where you guys haven't met yet. It hasn't really been discussed.
Go ahead and drop that hanky. But let's make sure that we're
not always being the one to initiate conversation and
initiate getting together. Now, if y'all do decide to meet, and
you go on a date, and you enjoy yourself, let them know, I had a
really great time. Let's do this again. You get at the end of the
date. It's also okay, like, like, several hours or a day
later, to remention it. That was really fun. That would be really
cool to get together again. And then that's all you say. You
don't ask a question, you just make a statement. I had fun. It
would be cool to do this again. Now you let them initiate the
second date. You've communicated you enjoyed yourself, you would
want to do it again. Because sometimes men don't know
Well, is she just saying that?
I don't know.
I don't know if she, like,
they get insecure in their head too.
Like, not all of them.
Some of them are just like,
you know, no, I wasn't interested.
And that's fine.
That's why we want them initiating that second date,
but not because they didn't know that you didn't want it.
Okay?
Okay.
To be honest, as women,
we can be complicated.
We can be hard to read.
Y'all, my husband has a hard time reading me.
I think I'm a, like,
I over-communicate.
I use all the words.
Okay. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
And so you have a second question.
Put your hand back up
so I know that you have another question.
Okay.
Okay. I got Kelly, Catherine, then Lisa.
Hi Kelly.
I'm trying to unmute.
I think I see you trying to figure it out.
Sorry about that.
I couldn't get it.
You're good.
Are you new to face too?
Well, sort of.
I usually do the evening session.
Okay. I was like,
I don't recognize you.
This is my third time,
but I usually do the evening session.
First of all, your t-shirt says Matadors.
That's my high school mascot.
No way.
Yeah.
My son is on a travel ball team.
It's in Little Elm, Texas,
and they're called Matadors.
There are a whole lot of Matadors.
That's why I wondered.
Yeah.
I was at church in South Lake,
and I had the Matador thing on it,
and a woman was from San Antonio.
She's like, is that from San Antonio?
I'm like, no.
It's Little Elm, Texas.
But yeah, you'll see.
I'm like, that's, I literally,
baseball moms, we sport all the things.
Baseball becomes life.
And I have hats and stuff.
I get self-conscious about it though,
because it's a Matador and it's got horns.
And sometimes I'm on these calls
and I'm like, these women don't think
that I have double stuff on that I'm wearing.
It's literally Matador.
Right, that's funny.
I'm supporting my son's baseball team, so.
Okay.
That's funny.
Well, go ahead.
Sorry, okay.
Let's get to your question.
So I'm in phase two,
and I just finished The Divine Feminine.
I previously had listened to the lessons,
but I wasn't in the app yet,
so now I'm going back through and doing them slowly.
But I've already heard the online dating one,
but I had already started online dating,
and I'm finding it, I'm very overwhelmed.
I wasn't originally, but then I joined Facebook dating,
and now I just feel like it's like a fire hydrate
is like, and I kind of don't know who to say yet.
Like basically, if they don't say that they're Christian,
or where I live in New Mexico,
and there's a lot of people who are Buddhist
and agnostic and all kinds of other things,
so I just X those right away.
But then even with the ones who are Christian,
there hasn't been anybody yet that I'm like,
oh, excited about, but I'm trying to be open.
So then I find like, now there's like lots of people
in my queue or whatever, and I can't keep up with them.
And I feel like I'm trying to be open,
but I'm not really interested.
Yeah.
And I don't have enough time
to have these little chitty chats all day long,
and I don't know what to do.
Yes, I-
I think one or two that have been good conversations,
and one of them we're gonna have coffee,
but it's over, oh yeah, it's over.
I get it, I 100% relate.
I had online dated before this community,
and it was overwhelming.
And then after I had my son,
and then got back onto online dating in this community,
it still was overwhelming.
I didn't have as many men responding to me
because I think part of it was because I had a child,
but it still got overwhelming
because my time was stretched thin.
And so some tips on how for you ladies to navigate this.
One thing that worked for me,
and I think works with a lot of women,
is set boundaries on your time for yourself.
Go in and just say like,
so for me, I had to be like,
okay, I'm only going to go on this site,
and I did the Facebook dating too.
I'm only gonna go on,
on certain days in the morning
when I didn't have to be at work
until like 10.30 in the morning
so I could take my kid to the bus stop.
And when I came home,
I had like two hours before I needed to like leave
to go to work.
So I would chisel out one of those hours
to just spend in the app.
And I, you know, sometimes you might need to set a timer
and you're only on the app for an hour.
Maybe it's not even an hour,
maybe it's just 30 minutes.
Okay, if an hour seems like too much and it's too overwhelming, 30 minutes.
And then I do the same thing at night.
After my son went to bed, I'm only doing this.
I also had to decide that I didn't always have to look through every single profile
and I didn't have to respond to every like.
If someone liked me and I was kind of intrigued by it, I might look at his profile and if
I thought his profile was, you know, interesting, I might like it back.
But I didn't feel like I needed to be the first one to send out a message, okay?
And then when I was receiving messages, I would read them.
So again, in my 30 minutes or an hour or however long you decide on what days a week that you
decide, you know, you can spend time reading through those messages.
If there was a message that was like, hey, you're beautiful, I might go look at his
profile and if I thought there was something there that I was like, oh, like he seems genuine.
Whatever it was, I might respond to him.
I might not.
You don't have to respond to every single guy.
I mean, I kind of got to the point where I'm like, I didn't want to respond to the, hey,
you're beautiful.
Yeah.
Like, okay.
I mean, I didn't even feel obligated to say thank you.
I was just like, okay, next.
Because again, I didn't, otherwise I, you could spend hours, hours upon hours.
And if that's over, like don't overwhelm yourself.
I feel this like weird guilt, like say I'm looking through, I'm like, okay, he's a Christian.
I don't, he's probably a nice person, but there's no attraction.
But because he's a Christian, I'm like, maybe I should be open and give him a try.
But then I don't, it's like this part of me wants to be like, no.
But I'm like, no, I should give him a try.
And no.
Yeah.
So that's where that's, so yeah, I think this is where you kind of balance.
So I'm again, helping you kind of navigate away from the feeling overwhelmed.
Let's put some parameters on it.
But I do think maybe there's something here that, you know, are, are you, are you going
on dates?
Are you getting date?
I am.
I've already, I've gone out with someone and now have a date with another person.
Okay.
As long as you keep this flow of dates going again, you don't have to feel guilty.
Okay.
Here's the thing.
You're not going to mess up your spirit mate.
Yeah.
Because I will tell you this, like my husband and I, when we started, once we just like
we got exclusive, there were other puzzle pieces that started showing us that there
were other ways that God could have used other people to connect us.
In fact, I came to Texas several weeks after we decided to be exclusive.
It was between Christmas and new year's.
So he's in the Dallas Fort Worth area, has family outside of Austin.
We were driving to Austin.
That's where Jackie is.
No, I was, I'm close, you know, it was close with Jackie and she's like, I'm like, Hey,
I'm coming down here.
You want to meet up with us?
You want to go grab breakfast or lunch?
So she and David met up with him and before we went out to meet up, she's like, Oh my
goodness, Carla, I actually know this guy.
This guy came across one, another woman in the community brought him to my attention
and she's like, she wanted me to match him with somebody in our community.
She's like, I, he was already on her radar under Jackie's radar.
So I mean, I was just like, Whoa.
So if I would have told my friend, no, if I didn't respond to my husband, there might
have been another path that God might've pushed him in my face again.
I say that because like, you can't mess up if you tip out on one guy, like don't think,
Oh, what if I just said no to my spirit mate?
You can't, you can't do that.
All right.
So again, one of the parameters, I feel this is important.
Like I like you saying like, Oh, I see that he's a Christian again.
We're not going to always know what their faith walk is for me.
If a guy didn't put that they were a Christian on their profile, like I was on the Facebook.
So it there's a religious thing and they can, yeah, they didn't put Christian on there.
I, I didn't engage with it.
Yeah.
I've been doing, I had enough guys where I felt like that was on there.
Now I didn't not go on a date with a guy because he didn't talk about his faith in his profile,
right.
Or didn't talk about his faith in their first interactions.
I still went on the date.
Yeah.
All right.
So those are just little things.
But again, I think.
There's something to, you know, if you find that you're constantly feeling this guilt or worry,
that's something to kind of go process with the Lord on. Like, where does that come from?
Where, like, is there something there? Is there something, like, that God wants to reveal to you,
to heal you from? Like, again, these are all things, ladies, I'm always all about you ladies
processing and looking at patterns of behavior. I think that's important, okay? I'm not saying
that there is something that you need to, I would just say if it constantly keeps coming up
and there's something that just keeps stirring and it keeps getting brought up in your spirit,
it might be just something that God just is, like, trying to gently highlight to you
to have you process through. And that goes with anything, ladies. Sometimes that's why,
that's why I told you, ladies, early on, like, if you're saying, oh, I went on this date and it's a
no, well, we want to know why. Why was it a no? You know, because is there a pattern there? Are you
saying no to the same type of person that really it's just a guard or it's a fear that something
that's happening? Because then we can help you process through that. We can go through those
heart works. I feel like I'm saying no because I'm like, I barely have time to keep up with
these handful of guys. And I'm not attracted to this person. You know, like they don't seem like
there's anything wrong with them, but like nothing in me is like, oh, I'm excited about him.
What are you basing your attraction on? Like when you say I'm not attracted to him,
what about them is unattractive to you? Most of the time it's more physical because I will
weed out the ones that are because of other reasons. Like I said, like they're agnostic or
yeah, they don't live nearby. I'm not able to relocate like all those things. And there are
a lot coming in. So I'm like, I don't have time. Yeah. You've got to filter somehow.
Yeah. I feel like there's some guys that it's kind of like, yes, I would give you a chance
and try, but I don't even have time to really keep up with these guys very well. So then it's
like this weird combination of feeling like I want to be open to people that I'm not generally
wouldn't, you know, I don't feel any, don't feel any attraction for if they are Christians,
at least, or look like a good person, you know what? And that's why I don't really have time.
So then I feel like, well, I don't know how to juggle. Plus I feel like, am I supposed to
respond to these guys every day? Because I feel like once you start a conversation,
it's like, and again, it is the holiday seasons, but yeah. Now you don't have to respond again.
This is when, you know, finding, finding boundaries and parameters that work for you.
I think that's going to be the first key is, you know, let's set some time limits and times of days.
And I think you, you know, you're, you're doing good about, you know, I'm only liking guys that
are Christian or, you know, that probably like, kind of like I did that only say Christian year,
if they say agnostic or, you know, Buddhist or there was, there was another one. And I don't
know if it's still on their spiritual, but not religious, like that one's up there a lot,
you know, fun fact, like that was like, before I reconnect with Jesus and I was on the apps,
like I used that too, cause I wasn't going to church. And so again, like it, yeah, I like,
I was like, I don't want that. Cause I know that there's probably some confusion there, whatever.
I knew that I was a Christian. It was, my faith was important. I didn't judge them for that,
but I just, that wasn't where I was at and that I knew what I wanted in that sense. And so yeah,
just picking those certain parameters with the attraction thing, like, like I said, I saw
pictures of my husband and I didn't think he was like super physically like drop dead gorgeous.
Like I, I thought he was a decent looking guy. He, his pictures looked fun. Yeah. Like a joy
about him. Like I was like, he's like, he'll be fun to go hang out with for sure.
He was on the shorter end. Like I did typically like to date taller guys. My husband is five,
nine now granted I'm five three. So it's still, he's taller than me, but I typically tended to
go for like the five 11, the six foot, the six one, you know? And so that's where I was like,
Oh, I want that. I just coached someone one-on-one this week. She is like five 11 and
she was not dating anybody that was not five.
I've 11 and I'm like, but you're having a hard time with date.
And I'm like, let's remove that.
Let's let's it's okay to date someone a little bit shorter.
So, but again, so like there's certain things like picking what, what are we
being picky on with physical attraction and what are we not now, again, I didn't
want to date someone that was like 200 pounds overweight, that just, because I
had a young child who plays sports, like we're active, we're on the go.
That was so, if I saw pictures, that was just like, yeah, that I, I'm
not going to get past that.
All right.
Just not.
All right.
So now guys that had dad bods, you know, I was, I have, I'm a mom.
I'm, I was in my late thirties.
I'm 41 now.
I'm no spring chicken.
You know, I'm not 20 some odd years old, a spring chicken myself.
So I was like, I'm not going to, you know, Oh, I'm only going to
date a guy with a six pack.
Like he's got to be muscular and built because guess what?
I wasn't muscular and built.
I'm not in the gym five days a week.
Now, some of y'all, your health and fitness is super important.
Like that is important to you.
That's your lifestyle.
So you need someone that's going to match that lifestyle.
So again, it's just picking what physical attraction things like
put some parameters on that.
Okay.
I don't say if you find like, you're just like, I know I can't, no,
this guy, I cannot look at him.
Then don't, don't swipe on him.
All right.
We don't have to feel guilty for that.
Okay.
Now I like that.
I love your heart that you're open.
I think that's, that's, that's what we teach you.
Okay.
But again, physical attraction is not going to be the number one thing because
there's other levels of intimacy that come before the physical intimacy.
But you still need to be physically attracted to your spirit mate.
Like that has to happen.
Okay.
Like, that's what I say to my, like my husband at first, I
didn't have this physical drawn.
Now I know my past when I was in my twenties, I was very like my picking
of men was based on their looks.
When I was in my twenties and I was unhealthy and all that.
That's what I pick.
I only dated guys that I was strongly physically attracted to.
And that was very unhealthy.
That was coming from a very unhealthy, unhealed heart.
Now, as I got older and I worked in counseling and I joined this community,
I worked through the heart work.
I started to see why I was doing that and healing those whys.
And so then when I started going into dating, that wasn't my focus.
That wasn't where I was being drawn to because the Lord was showing me other
ways to find attraction in people and in guys.
And that's my husband's heart was what I was strongly attracted to first.
And then after that, the physical attraction started unlocking.
And now I'm like, I look at my husband, I'm like, Hey, he's hot.
Like, it's funny.
Cause I also used to have a thing with guys with facial hair.
Like I liked dating guys with facial hair when I was in my mid thirties, my
husband, when I met him, didn't have facial hair and he was shaved.
It wasn't until after we got married, he let his like facial hair grow out.
And I was like, yes.
And so now he has facial hair.
He's like the beard and the mustache and all that.
And I love it.
And so there is like, I look at him, I'm like, dang, he is one
handsome, like masculine looking man.
So just know like physical attraction is still important.
It doesn't have to be the number one thing in the very beginning.
And so that's why we do tell you ladies be open to dating somebody that you might
not be overly physically drawn to, and maybe spend time going out on a date.
If that opportunity is available and find characteristics and qualities
that are attractive in them, that you would like a spirit mate to have.
I coach women on that all the time.
When you're making your dating profiles, like what characteristics and
qualities in a man are attractive to you?
What are you looking for?
I love a man that has a servant's heart, a man that's willing to serve because
that for me.
important because I find that to be very sexy in a husband. He's going to lay
down his life and serve his family and his wife the way Christ served the
church. So for me that was an indicator of a good godly man that had fruits of
the Spirit. He's gentle. He is patient. Like I have a lot of patience for things.
One thing, there's a lot of things I don't have patience for and he has it.
I'm like thank you Jesus because I need his patience at time. So it's finding
qualities and characteristics. That's why we tell you ladies to go on these
discovery dates. Start learning what you find attractive in men. Not just look
wise but character art wise. I think for me to get to that point because it's
there's too much. Well then let's just have you start. I don't think that's because of me
being so wonderful. I think it's just like Facebook floods you with stuff and I
guess the thing is again like I feel like I am being open to people. I
haven't been attracted to a single one of them but I'm like okay give it a try
but now I have like all these guys that I'm like how do I start filtering it so
I'm at least excited about some of these you know. Yeah I think just you know and
on some of those like as you're engaging if you don't kind of feel the connection
just kind of you know let them start taking the lead. Okay. And inviting you
out to go on dates. You know you don't have to respond to everybody right away
if there's just kind of like okay I'm not as excited about this one. You know
still keep a trend like still try to get yourself a date or two every now and
then and just get that into practice and one thing I'll say about online dating
ladies is there's an ebb and flow. There are times where it will be flooded. It
will be raining men hallelujah it's raining men. All right and then there's
times where you're like wait a minute like okay like what's going on like so
just know and pray and pray for that pray. Ask the Lord to kind of start
filtering some of it. Okay. Ask him to help in that. Ladies you're allowed to pray to God
and ask for what you need and what you want and what you desire. Lord I am
struggling at managing all this. I'm having a really hard time with getting
excited and finding men attractive. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Lord can you can you
take some of this from me. Lord I need your help to start filtering the men on
this on this app. I'm I am being obedient to you and I'm going to online dating
and I need you I need you to partner with me in this Lord. Help me to filter
this out. Lord give me peace. Lord remove the shame and guilt that I'm feeling.
That's right. You know sit with that journal that speak to him. Ask him. Have
that relationship with the Lord. Ladies I will tell you this community can really
unlock some things in your intimacy with the Father. You are in a partner. Yes
we're here as coaches to help you along the way but the number one matchmaker is
your Heavenly Father. Partner with him. Invite him in. All right. He's not gonna
force his will. He's a gentleman. He's not gonna force anything but when we
invite him in and we ask for him to do and help us he'll come in because he's a
gentleman. He'll do that for us. Okay. Thank you. You are welcome. All right
Catherine. Hi. How are you? How are you? Good. You're new to Phase 2 right? Awesome.
Welcome. Awesome. Thank you. Okay so my question is if you're you've gone on a
couple dates with someone and they have the non-negotiables they seem like a
really nice person but you're not sure if they're a personality fit or you'd
have fun together how much time do you give that and like what do you recommend
to figure out if those things are a fit? Okay so let me make sure I'm hearing you
so you're talking to someone you've gone on a few dates already. Okay. Two dates.
Okay. I say within two or three dates you typically will start feeling like is it
a yes is it a no?
Are there other guys that you're talking to right now?
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Okay.
So it's not like this is the only one.
I'm going to keep it around and kind of see what happens.
What is leading you to think that this is a no or you're just not sure about?
Well, I mean, we'll get to a point in the conversation where I'm like, okay, I'm ready
to go home.
But we haven't done any, we've done lots of sitting and talking.
So I'm hopeful that we'll do an activity that'll show some things.
Okay.
Yeah.
So that's where, okay.
So you've been on two dates.
It's kind of been sitting and chatting and just kind of getting to know, and maybe the
flow is not there.
Maybe there's still some, again, there's some nerves that come, personality stuff, like
opening up, like typically it can take people a couple of dates before they really start
opening up.
So I like that you mentioned like you're just sitting on dates.
So that's when ladies, I really strongly encourage, don't just do the coffee date.
Don't just do the, go have a meal date, get active, go do something, find something that
you enjoy doing.
So important, you know, whether it's, I mean, it's getting colder now, like there's ax throwing.
I always go to that because that's a lot of fun.
You know, going somewhere like we just got a dart board for my youngest nine-year-old
and we put it up in the garage and we have so much fun doing that, but I'm like, man,
this would be a cool date to go on, like go throw darts.
You know, I, if you like, I'm a sports person.
I have, I have, I had a young, I mean, I had a nine-year-old that, well, he was seven at
the time, play sports.
I'm competitive, me and my family and my son and my brother and my sister-in-law, we would
play Uno and y'all, we were cutthroat with my son.
I mean, I remember when he started playing at like four or five years old, we were hard
on him because we were just competitive in nature.
And so if you've got to say, okay, what about me is something that's going to show up that
I want to see how they interact with me in who I am.
So it was important for me and my husband.
I needed him to know like, okay, he's going to have to hang with me when I'm competitive.
Like cause I'm at the baseball field and I'm screaming at coaches and umps and all sorts
of things.
Ladies like, it can be pretty embarrassing at times.
All right.
I've calmed down thanks to my husband since I used to, but before I met him, but I mean,
I just competitive.
One of our, I think it was our second date.
He took me to an arcade and we played arcade games and he got to see my competitive side
because we were playing this like driving game and I kicked his butt and I made sure
he knew.
I'm like, Hey, and I'm like, he's like, well, I let you.
And I'm like, no, you didn't.
I saw you really trying to win.
And I'm like, I can see how the way you're behaving.
You don't like the fact that I beat you.
And I did.
And you weren't trying to let me win.
And so I got to see that we could have fun doing that.
And even now, like this weekend, we went to an arcade and we played video games.
I, he loves video games.
I do not, but it's still competitive and fun.
And so we were able to find something that we both enjoy.
And so that was, that was our second day.
And he came up with that one.
Now, sometimes guys will come up with those and sometimes they won't.
Sometimes we have to, you know, invite them to, you know, come up with those fun ideas.
You know, maybe it, you know, maybe it is going and playing darts or going to an arcade
or going bowling or, I mean, go, maybe it's rock climbing.
There's a lot of places I know in this area that have like rock climbing walls and all
sorts of stuff.
There's go-karts.
Like we have this big place called Andretti's that's in like the colony.
So, you know, yeah.
So there's all that.
I mean, there's fine, certain things.
There's escape rooms.
Y'all, that I always think would be a great date because you can see how someone responds
under pressure, right?
How are they going to respond when they're put in a situation and they're like under
some pressure?
Are they going to have patience?
Are they going to be kind with you?
Right?
This is where you start seeing parts of their character coming out.
So I say third date, make it active.
See if there's something fun that you can do that, you know, you would enjoy and see
if he can hang.
And if you just don't see that it's there, then you don't have to keep pressing on that.
You know, keep getting to know more people.
You know see if he kind of takes the lead if he doesn't he fizzles out then you know
A lot of times we put so much pressure on. Oh, I don't know how I feel like, you know
I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should end it
I don't know sometimes it naturally just fizzles out and we don't even have to put pressure on it
I noticed that happened with me
I would get so worked up like I don't know if I I'm into this guy and I don't know what to do and then
I wouldn't need to do anything because it would just
Fizzle out
So, yeah, I'd say I always tell you ladies two or three dates two or three dates, you know
Spend a couple weeks really trying to get to know them. You're still getting to know other people, you know
See if there's just that intentionality and then if you're not there, it's okay because here's the thing and
As
Long as it doesn't end with like a lot of like animosity
It doesn't mean that it can't circle back around if it's intent like if that's what God intended
Now I've seen that happen in this community where I think even on one of the love seats
Ladies, I think I don't know if you guys have access to that in phase two. I'll have to double-check
but we have
Occasionally, especially in phase three. We'll have what?
Love story that comes on and we'll get people from our community that are now in marriages or in
engagements or relationships and they'll the the man and the wife will come in and they kind of walk through and share their love story and
There was one women one woman and and this couple in the community
they had been introduced to each other like years ago, and they just weren't interested and then
Like I think it was something like 10 or 14. I can't even remember like
It was a long period of time
where
They both came up in their spirit and thought I wonder how they're doing and they were in community with each other
and so they literally they they ended up reconnecting and
Like now they're married
So you just never really know like things can kind of come full circle
I think at the time like I don't think she was attracted to him. There was something about him and then
She was in the same circle, I think she might have saw a social media post and there was something about him
She's like there's a change in him. There's a shift. There's something different
That's there now that wasn't before and it drew her in
So you just never know
All right, thank you couple dates and then yeah and then keep us posted
You know come into the community let us know what's going on what is your interaction so so so important
Lisa
How how are you? Oh
You're muted. I
Do that all the time
Let's try that. I'm good. I'm good. Hello everybody. This is my third week in the phase two
One week I had to do it with I was working and I had it on
No video
so
So my question is probably on the opposite end of the spectrum of most of you younger girls, so I'm 63
I was married a really long time. My husband passed away seven years ago and
So I you know online dating was never a thing so I am I am diligently do it
yeah, I
You know, I've investigated all kinds of different apps and I ended up, you know with the recommendation one free one paid
yep, and so I basically am having the opposite but Lucy started out with I partly have any
replies at all and I'm doing the thing like
Liking want, you know, I'm on Christian mingle and Facebook dating
Mm-hmm, and it this Facebook dating is in my age bracket
It's pretty gross
It's pretty gross there there
the majority
like one out of twenty might not be
really obese and I'm just not into that and
So, you know that that's that could be just a lot like you're just going through like that
Okay, so on Facebook dating I do have some likes but they're almost all those kind of likes. Okay, and
Or else it says what you said spiritual if it says spiritual and not Christian
I just swipe swipe swipe or multiple marriages, you know, I'm just I was married one time. I'm open. I'm
open
In the right situation
To get involved with someone that's been divorced or but quite a few multiple divorces. So
Anyway, I'm not I'm not like no, you know, I'm not gonna marry someone. Yeah
That one I would you know
That's not, that's not a no so but it is open to that for sure. I mean, but I understand like that stuff that you will like that, that would be a yellow flag like you want it, you're going to want to know more information but it's not information you're
going to know the story when it got that far and if we both feel interested in each other, I would want them to know my story I want to know their story so it's not.
It's not a given no and it's not a given yes it's it. I'm willing. Okay, I'm willing to relocate I'm willing but so on the Christian mingle, you can put a longer bio you know Facebook, you can put 500 characters on the Facebook thing so it's hard
to it's hard to weed anything. Yes, yeah I had a coach someone went on one this week and we were going through that was like oh yeah I forgot Facebook only allows you so many yeah 500 characters so I've, I wrote it and rewrote it I got a couple friends
like would you screen this and I tweaked it and enough to be to screen things a little bit by what I said. So, I'm not that you know you can tell I'm not just like looking for a hookup or something.
That's another thing to like your profile so Lisa was saying like she's getting feedback from her friends and stuff ladies bring your profiles before you post them into our community screenshot then type them out as coaches will go through we can help you like I just did a one on one call.
This week, and I was like girls and send it my way I will I will give you feedback so just know in the app if you do that in the app. Okay, so the one on one I that was like a paid coaching session but you can put that in, in the phase two.
Right.
So yeah I like that Lisa I like that you did that that you're getting. Yeah, I'm trying to you know I decided a friend of mine that is acquainted with Jackie and has been in some different work groups with her is the one that recommend the program to me.
I know I'm older than the majority but I've seen there's some that's in their 60s. Yeah, we have a handful. Yeah. One of the coaches in phase one was a widow herself and she replied to me so you know I don't have a mindset that I'm a widow and that I have to marry
a widow but I have it stretching to me because a lot of the commentary feedback, all those kind of things doesn't really relate to me but I'm asking, you know, teach me show me kill me grow man, I want to avail myself of things I can learn.
I have done like the drop the hanky thing, or if any, anyone who's profile, lets me realize like I would like to get to know them better. Yeah, but not a single one in three weeks has clicked a mutual like.
Have you sent messages. Yes, I've sent some emails or say send some emails, generating some of that 100% I have all except one, and the one was not really, really very far from me.
He lives in central Florida and he lived maybe 20 minutes away, but by the address that's on there. And it seemed, I was like very interested like I would really if this man reads my profile interest to get to know me I would like to get to know him.
Yeah, yeah.
I reported it and blocked it and everything is the most disgusting on the Christian mingle which is supposedly. I know.
But anyway, it's discouraging because, um, you know, I want to do the seven dates or whatever but I don't know, I don't know, don't been almost a month now and hasn't really happened so I've been on zoom date from somebody on Facebook date.
And we both realized we're in the same stage of life and everything but he has something on his mind he's wants to retire and just have fun and I want to be refired and I'm ministry minded and you know there was like your guys's alignment was not going in that direction.
But he was a gentleman, it was a good experience. But that was off Facebook dating and that's the only one that's gone anywhere with.
That's my question. It's just keep pressing keep persevering. Okay.
I think you're doing a really great job and again I 100% understand the stresses of online dating, especially when it's just, there's no attraction there's like they're gross and all that kind of stuff I, I'm so sorry that you've experienced for you had someone being completely inappropriate unfortunately like I wish there was a way for us to filter those things out but it will happen.
We just coach you on how to bless and block like reported right right that's what I did and I reported it. We don't have to carry my money back actually because his his it's probably like a scammer because it's like broken English in the response.
Yeah, yeah. And so you'll and you'll get some of that.
I say you know you've been doing this for a month so you got the Facebook.
the Christian mingle and again ladies just because and we always get that well I need to be on
Christian dating sites ladies there's Christians that are on non-Christian dating sites and there's
non-Christians on Christians dating sites. I did try to I did try two other ones over single.
Okay I would say stick with stick with a couple let it like go through it for a couple months
if you're kind of like I say give maybe Christian mingle one because that's the paid one.
Give Christian mingle another month if you're still not seeing any traction
shift to a different paid one. Right right well it's it's a three month so yeah three
months you've got the three months for it after three months and it's go shift to another one
maybe jump on it maybe do two free ones see how that goes a lot of these dating sites
will let you try out their site for free first. Yeah I did that with a free version yeah upward
and everybody is super far away but and it does say that on the when you enter your data
that you may have so a minority of people in your area so yeah and that's and I always say that too
like just because one app doesn't work for you doesn't mean that it's not going to work for
somebody else and just because somebody else has an app that works great for them it may not because
again the whole demographic thing are you pretty set in where you have to stay in Florida and stay
in your area? No no I'm not I'm willing to move in the right circumstances. Okay so yeah I would
even say you know broad your your radius a little bit I had to do that I didn't want to
right I did not want to and that's when like I said I was that was a pin I was I held on to for
a very long time and it wasn't until I finally was like Jackie's like girl I don't think your
husband lives near you and I was like fine God's just gonna have to do something I was kind of at
my limit I mean I had been in this program for over two years and I was just kind of done I was
very discouraged she saw that a lot of other women in the community saw that she reached out to me
and that's when I finally was like all right fine if I have to date someone out of my area
I'll be open to it but I don't want to move sure my husband popped in I thought he lived in Florida
he didn't he lived in Texas and I was like fine whatever and so I mean obviously that God opened
doors and showed me that moving was his plan and his purpose doesn't mean that this move has been
easy for me there's a lot of growing in that process but I would say open up your you know
your demographic I do I have it big I have it broad my question is in another week or so when
I've finished I only have one video left to watch the boundaries I've watched half of it but I
haven't you know spent the week focusing on that so when you're in phase three does this last year
single have any type of online dating community itself so there is so we do community events so
there are some men that are in our community it's not impossible there are women that have
connected to men in our community I will don't let that be your only source sure sure I just
wondered what what is face we do we have we have you know usually like once a month we do
a loveseat single spotlight we might have a man or two on and they we do fun like meetup events
and things like that usually once a month so that's an option we have also it's called spirit
mate match and so when you enter into phase three you will fill out your information and and and it
goes into our system we have a whole dating database that Jackie uses and she can help
utilize that to match people it doesn't mean that there you get in that and you'll have a match right
away but it's possible so she's curated an event one time I think it was a couple months ago with
a guy and she did a dating game with three of his matches and I watched that yeah yeah so we have
those types of opportunities the other thing that I want to encourage you to do online dating I love
that you're still like get out there stay on that find other ways in your community to get out and
meet new people right I'm taking all the steps I went to a new church a different dog park and so
just trust that process I I know it's like I'm doing all the things God why isn't it happening
I was right there with you you know I was you know 39 I'd been in the program I was like
I've never been married I I watched I showed up
in this community at the time.
I was on all the calls, I did all the activations,
I engaged, I did all of those things,
and I'm like, God, I'm doing everything,
and then there would be a new woman
that would come in the community,
she'd be in for like three months,
and then she's making a post
that she's got an engagement ring on her finger,
and I'm like, she just needs to show up to the call.
Right.
Lord, I'm doing all of this, you're still,
I mean, I've been there, okay,
but it's important that we don't,
like, we can't compare someone else's journey to ours,
we just have to-
Sure, of course, of course.
I've just started wondering, you know,
maybe my demographic is not really
the fit for last year's single.
That's kind of what I'm-
We have so many marriages from this community
that fits in your demographic.
I will tell you, are you even connected
with Jackie on her social media?
Look at, get on her social media,
if you have Instagram and Facebook.
I have Facebook, yeah.
So get on her Facebook,
she's always posting pictures of success stories,
and I'm telling you, it is an older demographic,
it really is, and I mean, love happens for all ages,
and I oftentimes, like, I get excited,
and I get excited because I see it,
and I'm like, yes, it's happening.
Women in their 50s and their 60s,
like, they're finding love again.
Some have, you know, were married before,
and they're widowed.
Some were divorced and finding love again.
I mean, I've seen it all.
We have a coach in our community in phase three.
I was with her, I joined around the same time she did.
She was widowed, she was,
I'm wanting to say she was probably in her 50s at the time.
Maybe she was a little bit older,
and she met someone, and at first,
like, he didn't want anything to do
with being in a relationship,
he just enjoyed being her friend,
and she stuck with it,
and sometimes, you could tell she was irritated,
she had teenage kids,
because she, I think, she had kids later in life,
and y'all, she's married.
She was, like, she got married,
I think she was married over a year prior to me,
before I even met,
and so, she's one of our coaches,
like, she's in there, she gives feedback,
and so, I've seen it happen.
It's not just, oftentimes, I see more women
in the older demographic come and get success here
than maybe, than what you see,
like, the 20-year-olds coming in here.
Like, I'm not saying, so if you're 20,
it doesn't mean that you're not gonna find love, ladies,
but I just want that to be an encouragement to you
that it does happen,
and I see it in this community all the time,
and keep sticking with it, keep showing up,
which is what you're doing,
you're being open, you're going online, get active,
let people know in your community,
you know, what you're looking for.
I think, Lisa, you were the one,
were you the one that was asking about the men,
like, referring men in your family?
Right, because I've been talking to my family
and friends about this,
and some of them were wondering how you-
Keep doing that, because you never know,
like, you know, months down the road,
someone that you shared with it,
they're gonna encounter someone
that could be your spirit mate,
and God's gonna, you know, remind them,
hey, Lisa, this guy, get Lisa in contact with him.
Right, right.
So it's all, God, God has a beautiful way of his timing.
He's intentional, and he is always on time.
And sometimes, I don't know about you,
but I've had to learn sometimes it's not in my time,
but it's his, and I've also had to confess
that there's been times that I'm upset
that I want him to hurry it along,
but I've learned that if I would have hurried things along
and didn't allow his process and his time,
then it probably wouldn't have worked out
the way that it did, and I'm so thankful
that he's got a daughter that-
I have to watch my budget,
so I'm like, should I stay in this for stage three?
Should I get on a different dating app
that I have to pay for?
Should I?
So that helps, everything you've said helps me to know
to just-
Stick with it, and I like, and you know what?
And then when, if, you know,
Christian Mingle doesn't work out,
jump on another free site.
Don't, you know, pour into it just yet, okay?
If that, if, you know, have peace about it
when you go into it, for sure.
But I love all the things that you're doing,
you're posting in the community,
and again, share that, get that affiliate link.
Start sharing with people,
because when people sign up-
You get $75 in your pocket.
Can they get any, like Jackie put a post that said $99 for today.
Can anybody that gets the affiliate link get a discount or no?
No, they have to pay that price.
So they have to pay $97 and then you get $75.
And they have to sign up using your link.
Right.
If they go through her free challenge and sign up through her free challenge,
even if you refer them and they didn't sign up and pay through your link,
then you don't get that.
So it's important that you share that link with them and make them know like,
hey, and when, when you're ready to sign up, you have to use this link.
It's my, it's my referral.
So please do that.
And, and ladies like, think about if you introduce one person a month to this
community and they sign up that $75 in your pocket, that my guess is going to
pay for your monthly membership to our last year, single community,
and then probably a paid online dating site.
Like you just got to pay, right?
Like, so use, use that affiliate link to your benefit.
Okay.
I'm going to have to get off.
I hate to ladies.
Absolutely.
We have the longest session I think I've ever ran, but there's lots of good
questions, though it's in replay, but if you have to jump off ladies, like
there's no obligation.
I stay on because I want to make sure that I take y'all's questions.
Okay.
So Mackenzie, you're our last question.
And ladies, if you had a question and we're a little intimidated or shy about
asking, put it in the app.
All right.
And pray next time that you're on to have some boldness to ask your question.
I know that sometimes it's hard.
I don't know if there's someone in replay that needs to hear this or someone
that's on that is shy and not sure about asking a question, thinking it's a
stupid question.
There's not a stupid question.
A lot of times your question is going to help break through for somebody else, or
it's something that somebody else was wanting to ask that they were afraid to
ask.
So don't be shy about asking your questions.
Okay.
All right.
Mackenzie, I'm going to take yours and then anybody that had a question or has
it in their mind that, that maybe we're a little intimidated, put it in the app.
Okay.
And we'll answer it in the app.
Okay, sweet.
So I appreciate your response to my question about the guy that I, cause we
ended up talking for way longer than I wanted to before we went on a date
because he was on a work trip and then it was Christmas and all this stuff.
So we talked for like a month and then we just met up and we had a date on
Saturday.
Okay.
Um, and he, he is really, really sweet and we haven't really talked about
religion at all, but when I asked him the question, there was something that
came up and it wasn't specifically about his religion or anything like that.
Um, but his response kind of told me where he rests in his religion.
And so I, because of that, I feel like it's a no for me because I know.
I'm wanting to give me more details.
Okay.
So he, he, I can tell that he's, he's Mormon because of his.
Yeah.
And so how did that come up?
I want, can I hear exactly how you came to that realization?
Like what was said?
What question did you ask?
What was said in his response?
Let's just make sure that we are very clear.
Yeah.
We're not just assuming.
Okay.
We don't want to assume we don't want to cut things off when we might've just,
you know, misinterpreted because of a lens that we're looking through.
So what was the question?
What did he respond?
And then we can go from there.
Yeah.
Great, great thing to think about.
So the first thing is that I had, he told me that he was going to church before our
date and I asked him what church he, he went to, and he told me that, um, a
temple in the area, which I know is a more, a Mormon temple.
And then also he had told me before that he, um, we were, I was like, Hey, let's
grab coffee.
And he said, Oh, that he doesn't drink coffee or tea.
And then when we were in person, so I didn't ask him there, but then when we
were in person at the coffee shop, cause we ended up going to a cafe that he could
have that when we went in person on the day, I said, so why do you not drink
coffee or tea?
Um, and he then told me that it was because of his religion that they require
that we don't drink, drink alcohol, drink coffee or tea.
And so that was a very, such a silly thing, but told me a lot about where he
stands.
And I know that, not that, not that there's anything like, I feel like he's a
great guy, but also there's, I know that there's really like fundamental values
that differ there.
And I.
don't want to be yoked to that.
And yeah.
Yeah, so that, I love it.
So I'm, thank you for those details
because that's important.
Cause ladies like that's, that is important.
We, and when you're sharing with us and wanting feedback
like those details are important
because we do want to make sure
that we're coaching you properly.
And so Mackenzie, it sounds like you did a great job.
So the one thing that I would say, so, you know
he brought up naturally organically
that he was going to church and he said,
oh, I can't go tea to coffee.
You had an indicator of what that was.
You waited until you were in a position
where you were in front of him and asked him.
So you explained to me what, like,
why don't you, you know, drink tea or coffee?
And he talked about religion.
This is when now it's that organic conversation
where I would even say, wow, that's really interesting.
So can you tell me more about what that would look like
for someone that you would enter into relationship with?
Yeah.
At that point, then it's okay.
You can get, now it's like, okay, I, he's opened the door.
He shared a little bit about his faith.
I would like to know his feedback on what he is looking for
and what it, how his religion
and his faith would show up in relationship.
And so then you can kind of have those, you know
open conversations.
And then, you know, again, there's respect.
Like just because someone doesn't have the same beliefs
and values that we do,
doesn't mean that they don't deserve respect.
Absolutely.
We can respect what their beliefs are.
It doesn't always have to align up with ours.
We can have, you know, good conversation.
And then at the end, you can say like, you know what?
You know, thank you for sharing that with me.
Here's the thing.
You could have just learned something new
about a religion that you're not familiar with.
And not because you are interested in that religion
but it's just, it helps you grow in your own faith
of why your faith is important to you.
And like, you know, and for me,
I am always intrigued by that
because then I feel like it helps me grow a stronger,
stronger in my faith
but I can also see the perspective of others.
It just gives me more insight
as to why people feel and believe the way that they do.
Okay.
It's not my job to bring them to Jesus.
It's not my job to, you know, evangelize to them
and bring them in.
Like, let me tell you about Jesus and my faith.
Like that's not, that's what that, you know,
conversation is not about.
But it's you getting more information,
you being intrigued of how that would show up
in a relationship.
So then when y'all, you know,
maybe have another conversation
and he wants to go out again and,
or you just say, you know, I really,
I really respect that you were able to share that with me.
It doesn't look like this is gonna go somewhere romantically
because I'm pretty strong in my faith and my foundation.
And I think that this would just probably not be
a good match.
So I wish you the best of luck and thank you for your time.
Okay.
So do you feel like I,
so because I didn't do that on the day,
do you think I should wait to the next day
or just text or what are your thoughts?
Maybe even having like,
if you're on a phone conversation or a video date
and just being like, hey, you know,
you mentioned the church that you go to,
you mentioned why you couldn't have tea and coffee.
Can you help me understand like what,
how that would show up in relationship with,
you know, a relationship that you would have in the future?
Like, what would that look like for you?
Yeah.
And then give him space to share.
And then I think you'll probably unders,
like you'll get more insight to where then you say like,
wow, thank you so much for sharing that with me.
You know, I have to say,
I appreciate the time that we've spent
getting to know each other.
I know where my walk is and what's important to me.
And I do think that, you know, respectfully,
our beliefs maybe don't line up.
And so to respect your time and space,
I'm just gonna let you know,
I don't see that this is going to progress anywhere
for the future.
But I do appreciate, you know,
you giving me your insight
and letting me learn a little bit more about you.
And just, and then it can be an end.
And here's the thing.
His response, not your responsibility.
Yeah.
He may receive that with kindness
and gentleness and understanding.
And if he does, that's awesome.
Great.
That means he's a solid guy for someone else.
That's aligned with his.
faith all right but and then it's also showing you that there's other people
out there that might not align with what you are that are still good kind people
he may get defensive if he does you don't have to pick it up you don't have
to justify yourself you don't have to argue with him you just say look I
apologize but I'm gonna go ahead and let you go I wish you the best of luck I
mean end it if he's defending if he's angry ladies don't engage with it yeah
so so with all of that being said so we haven't ever had a phone call we've met
in person now once so in conversation over texting should I try to prompt a
phone call and say hey would I know that I mean do you guys the dates that you've
been on did you did you enjoy going out on a date with them like did you enjoy
like going out and doing something with somebody that's new I think I enjoyed I
enjoyed the date but I kind of felt I don't know who said this but I kind of
fell at the end like I was kind of done but I don't know if that because there's
also he also has kids so that there's an element which I'm not opposed to kids
but there's an element of like an extra part of it and there's a couple of other
yellow flags that have come up so I think my wife might be wonky so I don't know because of
all of those like previous kind of yeah another date so yeah I would just say
hey why don't we jump on a video call or why don't we um like talk on the phone
okay I mean do you have his phone number yeah okay I do
should my text or say or you know here's the thing like just say hey why
don't we hey do you have free time to have a conversation tonight like just
jump on a call I don't think that's weird I think you know you can prompt it
and I think you can just be like you know I was thinking and you know you
brought something up a couple times and I was just pondering on it and I wanted
to kind of get your feedback and wanted to know a little bit more about what
your beliefs and faith how that shows up in relationship like what would that
look like for someone that enters a relationship with you okay that's really
good thank you I appreciate that and then get your feedback I mean like I
really appreciate you taking your time to do that the reason I asked is because
I'm not sure that you and I are on the same faith walk and so I don't know if
this would be a romantic match and so I just wanted to get your feedback before
making that judgment and then you know you can end it gracefully you know
yeah how they respond is not your responsibility thank you so much sorry
my Wi-Fi is kind of wonky but I really appreciate your feedback you are oh
absolutely all right ladies it's been my longest call it's been good I'm so glad
that you know I had a lot more of you on today because it's the holiday it was
such a pleasure I'm so thankful for those of you that were able to engage I
apologize that I did not get to a lot of the chat there's a lot going on because
again there's so many of you which I love I love seeing you all show up keep
doing that if there was a something that you posted in the chat or it was just in
your mind and you didn't want to share it bring it to the app post it in the
app we will respond to you there all right reminder we do not have a call
tonight but we will be back I believe to our regular schedule next Tuesday with
our one o'clock and eight o'clock okay so ladies have a very last New Year's
Eve have fun all right be excited and expectant of what the Lord wants to do
in this next year for you spend time with him activate a word or phrase that
he wants to give you for this year all right share it with us in the community
all right get excited this next year is gonna be a good one it will be your last
you're single okay let's start partnering with that promise and keep
taking those steps moving forward okay we got you God's got you all right have
a blessed rest of your day ladies thank you thank you so much Carla
thank you Carla