All right, ladies, go ahead and put in the chat how long you have been in the program.
I'm just curious to meet all of you and take a look and see.
Are you in week one?
Are you in week two?
Are you in week three, four, or five?
Let me see those weeks.
Right, I have some brand newbies in here.
Week one, just getting started.
You're in that supernatural surrender.
I have people that are meeting the real them in week five, starting to rebuild.
Now that we've torn down, it was time to rebuild in week five.
Perla is in week four and five.
She's got one foot in each week in the forgiveness week and in the real her.
Week two, understanding the heart.
That's a real important week.
Pay close attention in week two.
Before week five, week four, some more new people in week one.
You're in week three for the third week in a row.
That's all right, Stephanie.
That's an important week.
That confession repentance week, we want to make sure that we are not mailing that in.
Week three and four, you guys, vital, very important.
If you don't feel like a lot comes up that you want to confess or you want to forgive
in week four, then just keep revisiting it because there's stuff that's way down in there
that needs a time to surface.
Two, three, one, week two, around a month you've been in and you're still at the end
of phase one.
Oh, you're at the end of phase one.
Okay.
You're not in week one.
You're around a month at the end of phase one, so you're in week five.
Forgiveness part, really good closure.
Yes.
Actually finished week two.
Perfect.
All right.
There's 28 of you guys live tonight.
For those of you that are just joining us, I am Jackie Dorman.
I am the founder of Last Year Single, and I'm going to be your coach tonight.
Bethany has the night off.
She has some phase three classes to teach this week, and you guys are going to be in
phase three eventually too, and phase three is exciting.
There's all kinds of fun stuff that happens when you get over to phase two and phase three,
so please do not think that this is all there is, but I will tell you this, and I want to
say this, the kind of success that you're going to have in phase two and phase three,
it really depends on the foundation that you're going to lay here.
Now, I know some of you have been serving Jesus for a long time, and maybe you've done
different types of deliverance work or inner healing work.
I've had people that have come into my program after decades of therapy.
They were doing the work, but the consensus is across the board that if you really allow
Holy Spirit to partner with you in this phase of our program, you will get big breakthroughs.
People have said that they got more in these five weeks than they got in 15 years of therapy
in all the inner healing workshops and all the books that they've read and all the seminars
that they've gone to because it is about divine timing.
It's about a tipping point.
I'm so proud of the fact that God has given us the grace to help people to get big breakthroughs
and to get them quickly.
It's a very supernatural process that happens here, and that is why we've helped over 1,600
people get married in the last four years.
You guys, those are crazy numbers, and it is all due to the supernatural power of what
we do here in phase one.
And so please don't mail it in.
Please don't ignore it because maybe some of the language and stuff that you've heard
before, it's going to hit differently if you let it hit differently.
If you take the time and you read and you pray and you invite Holy Spirit in, if you
revisit that permission slip, that permission slip is supernatural.
If you revisit it, you know, read it over yourself, continue to sign it, whether verbally
or actually physically, and allow God to do what he has brought you here to do in your
life.
One of the things that God taught me many, many years ago, and I say it over and over
again, is we are never stuck on the outside.
We are only stuck on the inside.
Guys, I've had private clients that have made me want to bang my head against the wall because
they will show up week after week after week with the same complaint.
I just haven't met anyone yet.
Where are the people?
Where's my person?
Instead of asking the real question, and that is, why am I stuck?
Don't tell me how you're stuck.
Let's ask, why am I stuck?
Of course, a lot of people will try to put it into a category of, there's no good men.
There's no good women, because I have men clients too.
There's no good women.
There's no good men.
There's no people.
in proximity to me.
There's no Christians where I live.
Dating is terrible in my city.
There's no Christians at my church.
There's, you know, whatever it is.
I'm too old.
I'm too young.
I'm too fat.
I'm too skinny.
I've been married too many times.
I have too many kids.
It doesn't matter what it is that you think
is keeping you in a place that you don't wanna be
and that is unpartnered.
It isn't the thing that's keeping you there.
It's not.
It's nothing outside.
It's inside.
And so, with my private clients
that I work one-on-one with,
that I wanna bang my head up against the wall,
when they come back week after week after week,
they finally get the revelation
that, oh, wait, I really need to surrender.
All these things that I'm believing,
they're actually lies.
It's not true.
Because, you guys, here's the danger.
No matter what week you're in,
here's the danger of believing
that there is something preventing you
from success in this area of your life,
or any area.
You can apply it to any area,
not just this area.
The danger in believing
that something out of your control
and on the outside of you
is keeping you and blocking you
from happiness and breakthrough
in whatever area of your life,
the danger in believing that is
is that you're gonna stay stuck.
Why?
Because you believe that it's something
that you cannot change.
You believe that it's something
outside of your control.
You believe that it's something
stronger than you,
more powerful than you.
Right?
And as long as you continue to believe that,
it continues to be true.
It continues to be true.
Let me tell you a quick little story.
I've been in ministry for 28 years,
and ministry pays zero amount of money.
Okay?
And so when I got divorced from my husband,
my first husband,
when we got divorced,
the rescue mission that God gave me
to get me out of a place that I was dying in,
I was poorer than a church mouse.
Okay?
And I married someone,
my current husband that I've been married to,
this is our 18th year of marriage,
was my next door neighbor.
You guys know my story.
But he was also poor as a church mouse.
Okay?
And we were both in ministry,
and then to pay the bills
and put a roof over our head,
he sold door-to-door cable TV.
That's how old this story is.
Does cable TV even exist anymore?
I don't know.
But he sold door-to-door cable TV.
Okay?
Stephanie, this is heart work,
heart check-in.
This is phase one heart check-in.
Are you in the right session?
I don't know, girl.
Is that where you're supposed to be?
Because if it is,
then you're in the right session.
And I am your guest coach tonight.
Oh, okay, okay.
Because I was like,
where's Bethany?
I thought I was in the wrong class.
Sorry.
No, Bethany is not absent tonight.
She has the night off,
and I am filling in for her.
Which is ironic,
because it used to only be me.
And so now I have other coaches.
Anyway, long story short,
in this story,
I thought that there were a lot of things
that I wanted to do,
like take my daughter on a trip
for her 16th birthday,
that were just out of my control
because I just didn't have the money to do it.
Right?
We just, you know,
we had given our lives,
surrendered our lives
to the call of God in our lives.
We were full-time in ministry,
and, you know,
living on a very, very, very tight budget
because of that.
And then God showed me one day
that that actually wasn't true,
that there was unlimited resources.
And what I was doing
is I was living according to my belief systems
instead of asking God,
you know, why.
A lot of people will complain
that they don't have enough money
and they don't have enough time
without ever asking why they don't have enough money
and they don't have enough time.
Right?
A lot of people will complain about being single
without ever really asking God,
why am I single?
So anyway, I had that conversation with God.
He showed me where I was stuck
and I got unstuck.
And guess what?
I did take my daughter on that trip
and I've never been stuck in that area ever again.
So as long as we believe
that it's something that we cannot change
and we cannot control,
we will stay stuck.
Or in other words,
your problem is not your problem.
Your problem,
whatever you think it is,
is not the real problem.
And so friends,
please do not mail in phase one.
This is where you get to ask those questions.
That's what heartwork is all about.
It's not about getting answers.
It's about asking questions.
It's not about.
about looking for answers is about asking the right questions, okay?
If you ask the right questions, that is when the answers will come.
God taught me over the course of my relationship with him how to ask him the right questions,
okay?
It's not a riddle to be figured out, but how to, instead of, you know, help me, help me,
give me the answer.
No, ask the question.
He would say to me, Jackie, don't you think it's weird that A, B, C, D, E, F, G?
And I'd be like, yeah, I do think that's weird, God.
Why is that?
Oh, I'm glad you asked.
Here's the answer.
And that's what your Jesus Cares Board's about.
Please raise your hand if you've made one, if you've gotten to the week where you learned
about your Jesus Cares Board and you've actually created one.
So don't just put things on your Jesus Cares Board, also ask God about those things.
Ask questions about those things.
Don't just ask God to magically change those things, to remove those things from your life,
to fix those things.
Ask God why those things exist in the first place.
This is your opportunity to not just get free, but to actually stay free.
All right.
So Bethany left me a list and I'll give you an opportunity, of course, to ask questions
and stuff.
But Bethany left me a list of just where you guys are at, the stuff that you're putting
up in your homework and in your check-ins.
And I'm just going to take a look and see what those things are so we can talk about
them here.
And then I'll give you a chance to do a little bit of love seeding with me, meaning that
you guys can ask the things that are on your heart since you have me here tonight to be
your coach.
All right.
So let's see.
She wants me to do a little housekeeping.
So the housekeeping is stay focused.
Remember friends, and I like to say this a lot, and I'm going to say it tonight.
You signed up, but you got to show up, okay?
You got to show up.
I know that it's harder to connect in the app, but we wanted to get people off Facebook
and that's why we purchased.
That's why we had the app created for us.
And let me tell you what, it was not inexpensive to have this app created.
And so I know it's a little clunkier than Facebook as far as connecting, but connect,
post in there.
You know, don't just do your homework, post about your homework.
Let other people see your process.
It's private.
It's just your sisters in there.
Post about your process, post the things that you're learning.
And when you see someone posting about what they're learning, show up for them.
You don't have to show up for yourself, show up for them, comment, say, hey, I'm cheering
you on.
I'm so proud of you.
What a great revelation.
I will tell you that one of the things that has happened in last year's single that has
been so amazing and I'm so proud of is that people become family here.
And when you get to phase three, you'll meet the men in our program and you'll become family
with them too.
Some of them you might even marry.
I just got word of a new relationship that's been created within the student body of a
guy and girl that met here and now they're dating seriously.
We just had a few weddings of people that met here.
So it's possible that your spirit mates are already in the program.
But becoming family with the rest of the people that are not your spirit mates is important.
Cheering each other on, rooting for each other, clapping when each other win, that is really
important stuff.
And people become each other's maids of honor, bridesmaids, best men, sometimes housemates,
rent houses together, do things, go on vacation together.
And so this is your sister squad.
These ladies that you're in phase one with right now and the people that you'll meet
in phase two, these are the ladies that you are going to do life with.
So get to know each other, pray for each other.
If you're not able to show up during the week for prayer, we have prayer every day of the
week if you didn't know that.
It's in your calendar.
If you can't come at that time because you're at work, come on Saturdays.
Supernatural Saturday is fire.
Sunday night activation is fire.
Go to these things, meet people, right?
Become friends with the people in your single cities, hang out together, do life together.
It's going to be a game changer.
Okay.
You are invited to a sneak peek of our phase three community this Thursday.
This is why Bethany's off tonight because she's going to be leading a vision boarding
with God session.
The different things that we learned on Supernatural Saturday, if you did not listen to it, go
back and listen.
It is the kickoff for the year.
Those are our words for the year.
Supernatural is one of our words.
Intentional is one of our words.
Full circle is one of our words.
Go and listen to that and whatever God speaks to you, bring those ideas to this vision board.
She posted in all the groups about the materials that you'll need to bring, the scissors, you
know, like the crafting materials, you guys are going to make vision boards.
You know, Habica22 told us to write the vision, make it plain so that we can run with it,
right?
We want to run with it.
We don't just want to be hearers of the word, but doers.
And then last trip single, our current vacation that's on sale right now is to Columbia, Cartagena.
We went last year.
It was amazing.
The deadline for the down payment deposit is due this Friday, January 10th.
All of this is in your resource, your resources tab in your app.
So you can check that out.
If you want to go, your deposit is due by the 10th, January 10th.
Okay.
We do have some other trips this summer that we'll be posting, some co-ed trips.
We have a singles cruise that you can start paying on.
It's going to happen in January of 2026.
All kinds of fun stuff.
Going to have a big singles conference this year and some local events in different single
city areas.
Okay.
All right.
So let's jump in.
She wants us to go over the fact that the heart is a womb.
You know, when God first showed me this concept, because you guys know that I'm the author
of the heart work, right?
When God showed me this concept, the reason why he showed it to me is because I was a
new believer.
I met Jesus in my twenties and I was a train wreck in a dumpster fire.
Even though I knew Jesus, I still had so many problems.
We do people disservice when we say, Hey, you know, Jesus, everything's better now.
That's not true.
Okay.
It's by the continuing in the truth that we know that we know the truth and it makes us
free.
Got to continue in his word, in his, in relationship with him because he is the word.
And that is how we get more and more and more free.
But God had me on a fast track to freedom and he showed me all the junk that was in
my heart.
He showed me that this was the reason why I was not living an abundant life because
I had a lot of bad information from the life that I had had before meeting Jesus, my childhood,
all the abuse I had been through, all the things that I had experienced.
And so your heart is a womb.
It's not just your uterus.
That's a womb.
Your heart is a womb.
And the things that get planted there, they grow and they bear fruit.
The Bible says out of the quality of your heart becomes the quality of your life.
And it tells us in Proverbs that we should guard our hearts above all things valuable
that we own.
But then it goes on in, I believe it is, I'm just trying to think, is it Ephesians, Galatians?
There's a scripture in the New Testament, Proverbs is obviously Solomon, it's the book
of wisdom, but it's Old Testament.
One of the books of the New Testament, it's just kind of jumping out of my head right
now.
I'd have to look it up.
But it says that, and he, meaning the Prince of Peace, will guard your hearts with peace
as you stay focused on him.
So this is Jesus that we're talking about.
This is the Prince of Peace bringing us peace.
And so it's talking about there's a different guard.
There's a better guard than us guarding our hearts after the new birth experience.
So in Proverbs it's saying, hey, you guard your heart because out of it flows the quality
or the condition of your life.
And then we find out in the New Testament that Jesus is willing to guard our hearts.
And that comes into an idea that you're going to learn about here in phase one, if you already
have it, of you being God defended.
Ladies, this is so important.
I coach singles every single day.
I match make every single day.
And one of the biggest deal breakers that happens in early relationship, please write
this down because I know all of you are here because you want to be partnered.
That's why you're doing this work.
God wants to give you abundant life.
That's why he sent you here to do this work.
Yeah, he wants you to have a partner, but he also wants you to live free.
And so it's about more than just the partner.
Okay.
But because all of you are here because you want partners, let me tell you one of the
biggest obstacles to being able to get into marriage minded relationship.
And that is you being defensive.
That is you being closed off.
That is you being suspicious.
That is you guarding yourself or protecting yourself.
That is you building walls.
You have to learn in phase one right now and continue to walk this out in phase two
and phase three, how to let yourself be God defended.
How to let yourself take down the walls to let love in and not worry about what someone
else's motives are, what their intentions are.
That's not, that's none of your business and it's not your problem.
It's their problem.
If you trust the Lord, He will show you what you need to see when and if you need to see
it.
Why do I say that?
Because I'm married to an amazing man, and I've been married to him for 18 years, and
we've raised three children together, two of which I did not give birth to, that were
nine and 11 years old when I met him, and my daughter was six.
And I'm going to tell you right now, if I would have known the stuff that I found out
in the first two years of marriage about Blended Family and about his former wife, I would
have cut and run a month into dating him.
I would not have married him.
But you know what?
God didn't let me see it.
You want to know why He didn't let me see it?
Because He knew that partnered with Him in humility and in trust, He could stretch me
into the person that could handle it.
I wasn't the person that could handle it when I was dating my husband, but God formed me
into the person who could handle it with grace after we got married, when I was faced with
the challenges, when I didn't let my praying knees get lazy, when I continued to press
in for help and for grace.
I know all of you are hoping for easy street, but that is not what marriage looks like.
Marriage is hard.
Write that in your journal.
It doesn't matter who you're married to.
I know that some of you have come out of the wrong type of hard marriages.
You came out of abusive marriages.
Marriage is not abusive, but it is hard.
Okay.
What you're doing right now in phase one, this is what is going to create an environment
where you trust God to show you what you need to see instead of you showing up at his house
in the middle of the night going through his garbage, trying to find out who he is, stalking
him on social media, trying to find out what accounts he's following, trying to make sure
that you dodge any bullets instead of letting God be your shield and your rear guard.
Everyone has yellow flags, and I'm just going to tell you right now, if you see a yellow
flag in a potential suitor out of timing, meaning you're not ready to see it, but you
went ahead and you dug around and you found out, okay, you're going to escalate it to
red because you don't have the grace for it yet, but it doesn't mean that God wasn't
going to give you the grace.
And now something that could have worked out, you are going to shut the door on.
I'm going to tell you something else that's going to hurt all your feelings, but it's
necessary.
You've already done it.
You missed out on someone great because you already did it.
You saw things that bothered you.
You didn't have enough context for those things.
You got paranoid.
You got avoidant.
You got anxious.
The good news is that there's no such thing as the one, so you did not miss your spirit
mate.
She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes.
There's going to be another chance, you guys.
For some of you, it actually might be with the same person that you didn't give a shot
to because 2025 is a full circle year.
For some people, that means somebody that you dismissed before even giving it a shot
may actually show back up.
I've had that happen several times now, you guys, even the last couple of weeks.
Very interesting.
All right.
So here's the concepts that I want to unpack because I want us to be ready.
I want to unpack the concepts of that supernatural surrender.
Even if you're in week two, three, four, or five, that does not end week one.
Week one is something that you have to continue to take through all of this.
You have to continue to revisit it.
You do because God knows you better than you know yourself.
Not just this present version of you, but the future version of you.
Let me tell you something.
That chick that my husband used to be married to that I definitely would have rejected him
over because she was crazy, okay?
But I didn't know, so I married him.
I'm good friends with her now.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Okay?
The daughter that came out...
at her body that I raised since she was nine years old is now
married with twin grandbabies.
And when my daughter, her daughter was giving birth, we were both in the labor
room because she wanted both of us there.
And I texted her, her name's Shannon.
I texted her and I said, Hey, Shan, um, I understand if, you know, you just want
this to be a special moment with you and Kay, that's cool.
I was like, I'm not offended.
I can wait until the babies are born to see them.
And she's like, this is not a special moment between me and my daughter.
This is a special moment between us and our daughter meeting me and her.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
You guys, that's how it can be when this was the same woman, two months, three
months, five months, seven months, a year and a half into my marriage to her
former husband, that literally was trying to remove the children from my
home because she said that I was abusive because she didn't like me.
Okay.
I had to pray through some stuff.
And a lot of you are going to end up in blended families because of your age.
Okay.
You're old enough that the men in the categories that you'll be dating
might have children with another woman.
She may have passed away.
She may still be alive.
But a lot of you are going to experience that.
And some of you, raise your hand if you're a single mom, you know, there's
already kids in the mix because they're yours.
Raise your avatar hand, little yellow hand.
I can see it.
I see some of our, our heartwork coaches in training that are on here tonight.
So welcome ladies.
I see some ladies that are moving towards being certified in heartwork
modalities, and that's another thing you can look forward to, you know, you might
be here, you're here for your love story, but you might be here actually to be
birthed into a ministry where you end up working with us and for us, helping
other women get free, you know, you're here for your love story, but you might
and for us helping other women get free and get married and men
and all the different things.
Okay.
All right, guys.
So these are our concepts for tonight.
So let's go.
Who's got questions about heartwork?
Who wants to talk about supernatural surrender?
Who is willing to lay down their non-negotiables that are not from heaven?
I see some of my friends from Reading in here.
I see some of you all.
Yes, I see you girl.
It's good to see you guys.
Finally doing the program.
It's going to be a game changer for you guys.
We helped, so we, there's hundreds of people that got married or engaged last
year in this program, just last year in 24.
And I feel like 20 and I have not felt like this.
I felt like we were going to have success every year.
And we've helped, you know, over 1600 people get married in four years.
But I feel like this year we're going to have exponential success stories.
Like I just, there's something different about this year.
There really is.
And so we've got to lay the foundation right, right now in this phase.
So please press in, let God show you what you need to know about yourself.
It's very important.
All right.
Who's got questions?
How do I know if it's the Lord bringing the same, the same guy around,
or if it's just distraction?
It's a really good question.
Okay.
And the first thing that you have to ask yourself, first of all, all of
you are in a dating sabbatical.
So until you're, until you're done with this phase of the program, you're
going to have to put that on pause.
So if they circle back around and they are for you, you're not going to miss
out on them by really focusing on your heart work and your love life.
And so what you say to them is, Hey, I'm in a program right now.
The first phase is a dating sabbatical and I'll be done with it in four weeks,
three weeks, however long you have left.
And I'd love to revisit this conversation with you when I'm done.
If when you're done, they're no longer around, okay, they're gonzo,
then that was never a thing.
Can't miss out on them by being obedient to focusing on what God has you here to do.
All right.
When you're done with this phase, how do you know if someone who's circling
back in your life is, if it's a quality connection or if it's a distraction?
Here's how, you know, if you dated them before you actually dated them, why
are you not dating them still?
Is it because there was truly something unhealthy about the relationship?
Did you find out that they were an addict?
Like, you know, present tense, like they're, they're a drug addict.
burn or something like that?
Were they verbally abusive to you?
Did they do something that's genuinely a red flag that caused you to cut them loose?
Or did you just not feel chemistry?
They were nice.
They seemed like a great guy, but you just really couldn't get there with them or you
didn't give them a chance to help you get there.
Was it bad timing for both of you?
That's what you have to assess.
If it was genuinely something that was a real, true deal breaker, then don't revisit it.
You're not desperate.
You're not going to go back into something that you know was not unhealthy from the beginning.
But if it was anything else and you just didn't really fully give it a chance because you're
being honest with yourself, then let's see what's up.
Tina, what's your question?
Hi there.
I was just typing it out.
That's great.
So I'm just kind of finishing up week two here and working through confession and repentance.
And one of the things that came up for me is that there's some things that I've resented
my mom for that I need to apologize to her for.
So I've been praying about how to do that apology without dragging up the past, plus
it's something that she does still currently once in a while, and she tries to manipulate
my life decisions to get what she wants.
So I do need to be released from this resentment that I felt I've forgiven her from the past,
but I still have my guard up because it's still something that she is not really aware
of and will still do once in a while.
And I don't want to hurt her when I'm apologizing to her.
So that's something I'm working through.
I don't think an apology is necessary.
I think that, and a lot of you may have certain circumstances like this.
I definitely had this kind of circumstance when my mom was alive.
And so right now she's not self-aware enough.
So if you apologize to her for resenting her for doing something that she is not mature
enough to understand that she does, it's going to cause her to get defensive.
So it's kind of a passive-aggressive apology because you know that while apologizing for
it, you're also going to, what's the word, expose her.
And so she's not ready to be exposed.
And I can see your age group that you're in.
So your mom's older.
She's an older person.
And we hope that she's going to get some kind of self-awareness during her life on earth,
but she may not.
And so what you have to do is you forgive her.
You come to the Lord and say, look, I know my mom doesn't know any better.
She's not maliciously doing this to me.
She's trying to control me out of fear.
She's trying to control my life decisions because she doesn't want to lose me.
She's afraid I'm the only person that she has or whatever that reason why that Holy
Spirit showed you that your mom does what she does.
And I forgive her.
I release her from these debts, God.
And I ask that you would deliver.
I ask that you would show her that you would give opportunity for her to see that she does
not need to be afraid, that she does not need to operate in control.
And you just pray for her.
And then you don't allow her to do it by gently, but firmly applying boundaries.
Yeah.
Okay.
Great.
Thank you.
Hey, you guys, not everything needs a verbal, a verbal apology, especially this kind of
thing.
All this is going to cause us more problems.
It's just going to cause things to get worse.
Tina's forgiveness is for Tina.
Her mom doesn't, her mom does not realize she needs forgiveness from Tina.
She probably thinks she's a great mother who's just helping you make the right decisions
in your life.
Praise the Lord.
All right.
In phase two, you're going to have a whole boundaries session.
It's going to be great.
Guys, in phase two, you're looking forward to dating 101.
How do we date as Christians effectively?
What does that look like?
Especially with, you know, having the conversations about sex before marriage and all the different
things that, you know, we deal with in dating.
You're going to have divine.
and feminine.
You're gonna have boundaries.
You're gonna have attachment style.
Bunch of fun things in phase two.
All right, someone else had their hand up
and then they put their hand down.
Where are you?
Stephanie, go ahead.
Yes, okay.
Is it just about anything?
Anything heartwork related?
I mean, you guys are on a dating sabbatical, so.
Yep, oh, absolutely.
So I guess with my heart,
what's really been coming up is just dwelling in,
thinking about God, how God is good to me
in like all different areas of my life
because he showed me that I actually don't believe that.
And so I have kind of realized like,
I don't think after,
I have kind of a similar story to you
as far as not quite as extreme,
but definitely not as extreme,
but same deal with like,
after I had my radical encounter with the Lord,
like, I don't think I ever learned how to abide in him.
And so I'm just wondering like,
I'm learning to do it, I think,
but if you could say anything about that,
I think that would be helpful.
About not trusting God?
Yeah, sure, or just being abiding successfully in him.
Right.
And it might just be a time thing
because I tend to be like, really like, I want it now.
And he showed me like, I'm really impatient.
And then if I don't, if it's not now,
then I kind of give up or like kind of lose hope, you know?
Yeah, and you guys, I don't know if it's in phase one or not.
I don't know if any of the HeartWork coaches
know this information,
but I teach a supernatural hope session.
And I don't know if that, is that in?
Yeah, that was amazing, actually.
That actually did impart a lot of hope to me
when I listened to it,
but that was like probably four weeks ago
that I listened to it.
So maybe I need to listen to it again.
Yeah, because really, here's the thing.
The thing is, is that the reason why we get upset at God
is because we don't understand that his ways are perfect.
His ways, but because,
the reason why we don't understand that
is because his ways are different
than our human earthly ways.
And so, of course, we get very agitated
when he doesn't do things the way
that we would want him to do those things
or the way that we think those things should be done.
But the truth is, is that his ways are better.
They're better, they're just maybe not immediately better,
like you said, because you want things right now.
But here's the thing that I want you to do
to shift your focus,
and everyone needs to listen to this.
If the thing that you're wanting so badly
is not happening right now in this moment,
and you know you've done your heart work,
you're not stuck on the inside,
you're not sabotaging yourself to receive it,
then ask God what is ripe and ready.
There's always something ripe in your life, you guys.
There's always something exciting and fun and wonderful
that is, not that you're just ready for it,
but it's also ready for you, okay?
And so what happens oftentimes to all of us, okay?
Even me, because you know,
marriage is not the magic bullet of happiness, you guys.
After you're married,
you're going to actually have other things
that you want to have happen that haven't happened yet.
Okay, whether it's having a baby
or whether it's getting the promotion at work
or whether it's a healing, it doesn't matter what it is.
And so instead of looking at that thing,
kind of like a washed pot never boils,
instead of just staring at that thing,
now I put the pot on the stove,
I know that I've put the water in the pot,
and I know that I've turned on the heat,
and that's all that I can do, that's it.
And you guys will get to that point in this program
where you really have unpacked the heart,
you've let God have control,
you've done all the things that you can do,
and then it's time for you,
instead of sitting there staring at the pot
waiting for it to boil,
it's time for you to look at the other things around
that are ready to eat.
There's always something that's ready for you now.
And when you do that,
then you're not worried about when the pot's going to boil,
you know the pot's going to boil,
you know it's going to boil.
And so this is how we get really hopeless
because we're looking at the thing that's not ripe yet.
It's just as insane, you guys,
as knowing that we're pregnant
and sitting in the doctor's waiting room,
waiting to deliver,
instead of going off and enjoying.
our gestation and doing other things that are just as important to the final product.
Okay.
Like some of you, I'm going to tell you right now, because I met with a trainer today, you
need to get fit.
You're going to be naked with a man someday, not too far from now.
And guess what?
You're not going to feel good about that.
Men don't care about stretch marks, you guys, I'm just going to tell you right now.
All a man cares about is, oh, there's a naked lady in front of me.
That's all they care about.
You're the one that's not going to like yourself, not him.
I'm not telling you to go get in shape for him.
I'm telling you to go get in shape for you.
Okay?
Yeah.
Because you're the one that is going to feel repressed in your sexuality.
You're the one that's going to want the lights out.
You're the one that's going to want the covers on.
You're the one that's going to not like what you see in the mirror, because gravity is
real.
You're the one that is going to feel that way about all those things.
You're the one that is going to, two years into your marriage, be struggling with high
blood pressure and prediabetes and insulin resistance.
You guys get it under control.
Okay?
Instead of watching that pot to boil, this is your invitation into abundant life.
This program is not just about being partnered.
It's about being partnered and being powerful and being kingdom people in every area of
our lives.
Some of you are really deeply in debt.
You got to get that under control.
You got to stop medicating with retail therapy.
You got to make a budget.
This is your year.
Pay off the debt.
Live within your means.
You don't want to get into marriage bringing that kind of chaos to the marriage.
You don't want that.
There's all kinds of other things that God wants to give you breakthrough in besides
just where he at.
Where's he at?
Okay?
That is a done deal.
There's a love story for you, but God does want to put you into a position where you
can really enjoy it without all this other chaos coming into play as well.
Okay.
For me, I guess right in this process right now, it's like, for me, I have this ideal
of what I would like my relationship with God actually to look like.
And I don't have it or like at least not all the time.
And that bothers me.
And that relationship with your father, like a distant, well, it's good now, but he was
emotionally absent and I didn't really know how to bond with me when I was growing up.
And what's your relationship with your mom?
Great.
She's like the best mom ever.
You got this great mom and you had this distant dad and he's kind of come around now.
It's sort of the damage is done, right?
Where father figures are distant.
They're not emotionally available.
He was just busy all the time.
He's a pastor.
He was busy.
Oh, well, that's even worse because you were a fatherless daughter because of God.
God stole your dad from you.
So there's, you know, there, there could be some unconscious things.
I deal with a lot of PKs, a lot of pastors, kids, and a lot of them feel that way.
They feel like at least you had a really good close mom, but a lot of them feel like they've
been orphans.
They've been orphaned by the church and by, you know, their, their parent putting God
before them.
Right.
Well, I've never really liked church to be honest.
Yeah.
And that too.
So pray into some of that.
Say, Hey God, you know, I might have some resentment towards you because my dad was
always serving you instead of serving me.
He was always serving you and loving you instead of loving me.
You know, he was always too busy helping other people's families and other people's kids
because of you and what you asked him to do instead of me.
So dig into that and see if that brings some breakthrough.
Okay.
Thank you.
Good.
Report back because we want to know.
Okay.
And you guys, this is stuff you can share in your group.
So those of you that were in here live, you know, if Stephanie shows up and says, Hey,
I prayed into this and I really got some freedom.
This is what God showed me.
And you guys will know what she's talking about and you'll be like, wow, man, that's
awesome.
And it might, it might bring you some freedom in a different area.
Okay.
So this is why it's important for you guys to engage each other.
Stephanie, all the Stephanie's tonight, Stephanie spelled with an N E Y Davis.
What you got?
Oh, so I have a question that involves me and my son.
So my ex husband was abusive and we ran.
So that was almost like 10 years ago, but my son doesn't have a relationship with him
and it hits really, really affected him.
And I'm trying to, I've been praying, but I'm trying to figure.
how if I probably talk to him, if that would kind of like break that it's okay to talk to his dad.
Because when they talked, the last time they spoke, you know, my son brought up the things that
he did and, you know, he got mad. How old is your son? He's gonna be 18. He's 17 now. Okay.
Do you think that, I mean, I always like for people, like when you're going through heart work,
these concepts are transferable to your children, you guys. So if you have little children,
one of the things that I think has been really effective with a littler child is to the concepts
of the heart work, kind of like unpacking the boxes, you could like use their book bag from
school. You could put a bunch of stuff in their book bag, some of the stuff that they need,
some of the stuff that, you know, and some just silly stuff that they don't need or that would
make their bag really heavy, like have them put it on. They'll be like, oh, it's so heavy. It's
hard to carry. Isn't it? Okay. Let's look and see what's in it. Then you take out those things and
you kind of liken those things to bad feelings towards people or hurt or offenses, you know,
and stuff. And you show them how to kind of unpack their backpack. Okay. I like it. Lauren's saying
that her, her child, her children did a Jesus cares board that you guys very transferable.
Her son is an adult. He's 18 years old. And so ask Holy Spirit to kind of show you a way to broach
the subject with him about, about some of the feelings that he might have, you know, invite him,
give him permission to share his heart with you about the abandonment or the neglect or what he
feels about dad. And, you know, can't force it, but you can give the invitation, Stephanie. Do
you see what I'm saying? Yes, ma'am. Okay. I'll do, I'll try the, I like the idea with the bag.
So I'll do those and put in his bag that we can talk to. Does he go, does he go to the gym?
Yeah, he's in, he's a wrestler. Yes. Oh, see. So make his wrestling bag bag, really heavy
with stuff. And then just be like, Hey, you know, can you lift low? What the heck's in here? And
then, you know, kind of have that conversation. Do you have a close relationship with him?
Yes. Okay. All right. Well, we'll be praying that, you know, he's open to that and understands that
metaphor and is able to, you know, is able to get some healing from that. Yes, ma'am. Thank you so
very much. Yeah, you're welcome. Right. Before I take care, and I'm just going to look through the
chat here. I saw some things. So I like what this other guest has a lot of Stephanie's in here,
unless this is the Stephanie from before, but she said, I feel like my standards have been too low.
And I had high standards for years and didn't date anyone. And then your pendulum swinged and
then you let them get low. Right. So then again, yeah. Is that the same person? Yeah. Okay. All
right. Okay. So, um, I hear what you're saying there. And so you guys obviously want the pendulum
to kind of come into the middle. We need to have standards. Okay. We need to have
non-negotiables, but they need to be from heaven.
Pray about your standards, whatever it is that you call your standards. Like
never will I ever. So you guys do that. Did Bethany do my never will I ever exercise with you guys?
Okay. So God, God gave me that word years ago. Like when I first started, you know, doing this
program, he's like, have them do their never will I ever. So I'm like, what is that? He's like,
you know, the things that people tell you all the time when you're matchmaking, you know, they're
like, okay, well, I want this person, Jackie, but never will I ever go out with someone shorter than
me. Never will I ever. And then they just, they use that phrase all the time. So you guys, please
be very mindful of, and be honest with yourself about what your never will I evers have been.
Okay. Cause some of them need to get thrown out and some of them need to stay.
Some of your never will I evers are good. And those are your standards.
You know, never will I ever date someone who's verbally abusive to me. Yeah. Right on.
Never will I ever date someone who has a, you know, tumultuous or
dysfunctional relationship with their baby mama. Okay.
Because something that is an automatic red flag for me is when you show up on a date with someone
and they are being verbally abusive about the mother of their children.
Goodbye. I don't care what she did to you. Go get some healing. She might be the devil incarnate.
But I am meeting you for the first time and the fact that you feel comfortable telling
me these things and you have no healing and no clarity means that you're not ready for
a relationship.
At best, you're not ready for a relationship and at worst, you're the problem.
So no.
So have some standards, okay?
But if a guy shows up for a date and through conversation, eventually he says something
like, yeah, you know, I have a really hard time seeing my kids because, you know, their
mom has been, you know, alienating me, all right, okay.
He's hurting.
He's trying to deal with it.
He's not being offensive or abusive towards her or about her.
He's just kind of stating a fact.
Maybe it's a TMI on a first or second or third date for him to tell you that, but a lot of
people don't know that they're oversharing.
That's a yellow flag.
That doesn't have to be a non-negotiable.
Gotta see where that goes, what happens with that, okay?
So if your pendulum is swung the other way where you're giving everyone a chance now
because you didn't date for so long and you felt like you had your nose in the air and
you were snobby about who you would go out with and who you wouldn't go out with, let's
let the pendulum get to the middle where we are being actively selective with our heaven
non-negotiables, but everybody else, we're going to give them a chance, okay, if they
don't have those.
Hey, Karen, what you got?
There we go.
I just have a question because I'm a couple of weeks in, so I got your program.
I think it was like Black Friday and then everything in December happened, it felt like,
and sickness, everything.
So now I'm on week two.
I finished it actually, but I'm feeling like with the heart box part, like I've really
gone after healing of an intentional and pursued it and God isn't so much, but it's like these
things are coming up and I'm like, well, do I just linger here for a little bit longer?
Do I move on?
Because I went through it.
What do I do?
And then another piece would be like, I honestly haven't dated in probably two decades and
it's not like a gold medal of honor.
It was just, I was married and then I went through a divorce 10 years ago.
And then there was a season where my ex and I, maybe we could figure it out.
And I was, we were being counseled by pastors and this and that.
And I always wanted that Hallmark moment, but it's very clear.
I mean, he was pretty, he was never physically abusive, but it was a really bad marriage
and it never worked out.
And he hasn't talked to the kids and I in almost two years now.
And so it's definitely like, that's definitely not a thing, but I never really, I was of
the generation of I've kissed dating goodbye, right.
Where, you know, just date.
And I'm like, but I know that book, I'm just like, how do I navigate?
I guess where I am in the heart box piece.
And then I'm really like, I'm raising my kids.
I'm content.
They're getting older.
I would love a spirit mate.
I'd love to know what a healthy marriage look like.
And you know, I worked at Bethel for almost 12 years and it was phenomenal and I met amazing
people that had incredible marriages.
So I know there's great people out there.
I don't know, I'm just, there's just a lot of, I'm kind of in the groove of life and
what does it look like meeting somebody?
I don't, you know, I don't know.
Well here's the thing, Karen and Emily, I'm reading your question in the chat as well
is that what it looks like for people to meet someone is not what it looks like for you
to meet someone.
Like your story is very individual.
Okay.
It's going to be very unique.
And you guys, obviously rom-coms are going to mess you up so you probably shouldn't be,
you know, watching them.
I know that we came through a whole Christmas season full of Hallmark stuff.
So unless, you know, you're a fired advertising exec that's going to move back home to some
little podunk town and marry the guy who owns a Christmas tree farm, this is not for you.
Okay.
That's just not the way it works.
Not what happens.
It just isn't.
Not what happens.
Okay.
But doesn't mean that your love story isn't going to be supernatural.
So that's one thing that I want you to write down.
A lot of people get really discouraged because the natural is discouraging.
Like the natural life that you're living.
So the job that you go to, the state of life that you're living in, it sounds like Karen's
really enjoying her life and raising her kids and all the things.
But a lot of you don't feel that way.
A lot of you have a life that you don't love.
Okay.
And you're not enjoying.
And a lot of times we get overwhelmed of how can I even meet someone in this life that
I'm living?
But what you're not factoring in, and even if you're like Karen, where you really like
your single life, because you guys are not mutually exclusive, you can want a partner,
the right partner.
not just any partner, and also love your single life.
Those are not mutually exclusive ideas, okay?
And I want you to get to a place,
that's why we call this last year single,
and we don't call it married in 12 months or less anymore.
We don't want the focus to be on being married
in 12 months or less, we want the focus on you
making this your last year single,
meaning that you get a life that you love
that ends in partnership, okay?
That's what we want you to do.
We want to help you love your life,
and then add someone to that life you love.
And so I say all that to say this,
there's a very supernatural element
to each one of your love stories,
and that is what you have to continue to remind yourself.
Because if you think that you have to make this happen,
and if you think that you have to go through all the,
you know, you just gotta work it like a job
until it happens, like even the apps,
everything from this phase on, phase one, heartwork,
I want you to feel God in it with you.
I want you to feel God emotionally involved with you.
I want you to understand that that is the way
that God has created you to live your life.
One of the names of Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us.
Not with us sometimes, with us all the time.
God wants to be emotionally involved with you.
He is, he wants you to know that he is,
meaning that he cares about everything.
That's why the Jesus Cares Board is so important.
He wants you to know that he cares for you.
So he wants you to cast your care upon him
because he cares for you.
And with that, understanding that everything that you do,
you can do supernaturally.
So for instance, if you're swiping on the app,
swipe supernaturally.
Don't swipe mad, okay, like some honey badger
looking through these deadbeat dudes
trying to find one that you could marry.
First of all, please don't look for your husband
on a dating app.
Just look for a guy that,
not that you could spend the rest of your life with,
that you could spend next Saturday night with, okay?
That's all we're looking for here.
Someone who's interesting enough to meet up with in person
and do it supernaturally.
Ask God to give you supernatural eyes.
Ask God to let you see people after the spirit
and not the flesh.
Someone that you may not have ever stopped on
or swiped on when you're looking through angry eyes,
Mrs. Potato Head, no.
Look through God's eyes.
Let him show you what he sees.
And then you might feel drawn to something
because now you're in the spirit.
Because I'm just gonna tell you right now,
every single love story that we have had
through this program has had a supernatural element to it.
Every single one of them, okay?
God is with you in this.
And you can apply this to everything.
If you're looking for a job,
don't just look for the job that pays the most money.
Let Holy Spirit lead you and guide you
through the jobs on LinkedIn,
through the things that you're looking at,
through the applications that you're putting in.
If you're looking for a house, same thing.
If you're looking for a pet, same thing.
It doesn't matter what it is.
God wants to be with you in these things
and give you supernatural results.
Would you like to live a supernatural life?
That's what phase one is all about.
It's about living supernaturally, okay?
So instead of feeling all the pressure
of being single in the year 2024
and how in the world am I gonna meet someone quality
and how in the world are we gonna do this?
I have kids, what's gonna happen?
I don't have time to date.
I'm a nurse, I work four, 15 hour shifts.
Instead of leaning into all of those objections
which are all basically based in the natural,
lean into, hey, you know what, God?
You're in this with me.
And you are the same God who spoke everything
in this world into existence.
You are the God of the universe, of the cosmos,
and with you, all things are possible.
And you're gonna give me a supernatural love story.
So help me to think about this supernaturally today, okay?
That is what we're doing.
That is what we're doing, friends.
Yes.
Surrendering your picker picking of your relationships
to the Lord, inviting him to yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
You know, some of you guys are not interested
in men that you meet
because you have not surrendered
your attractions to the Lord.
Please write that down.
You wanna do that during phase one
before you get to phase two.
Surrender your attractions to the Lord
because I'm gonna say something right now
and it's important.
Some of you guys, what you're attracted to is not good.
The thing that gets your engine running is not good.
It's not good for you.
It's not healthy for you or your children.
It's never worked out in the past.
So why do you keep doing it?
Same dude, different clothes, different day,
same kind of guy.
And it's, you know, we all know what it is.
We've all seen the psychobabble on TikTok.
It's a broken relationship you're trying to fix
from the past.
It's your dad, it's your brother, it's this, it's that,
it's mom, I get it.
But that's why we're here to do heart work.
And we're here to ask God to cleanse.
Put this down, write it down.
God, cleanse my palate.
Cleanse my palate.
If you've ever been to a fancy restaurant,
in between courses, they give you some palate cleanser.
They give you this sorbet that just cleanses your palate.
Why?
Because they want you to be able to get rid
of what was in your mouth before,
the taste that you had so that you can enjoy a new taste.
And so ask God to change your taste in men.
Cleanse my palate, Papa.
Change my taste in men.
Let me get excited about things that are good for me.
And you can ask him to do this in any area.
Some of you need him to cleanse your palate
and change your taste in food.
The food that you're attracted to is really bad for you.
It's hurting your body.
It's raising your blood pressure.
You're insulin resistant.
You have pre-diabetes.
It's time.
Do you guys know that sugar has been proven
to be eight times more powerful than cocaine?
The addiction to sugar.
And I want to tell you something else you might not know.
When you're not having sex, you crave sugar.
You got to find something else for that outlet.
And we can ask God to, we don't have to white knuckle it.
We don't have to try to make this happen on our own.
We are here to ask God to help us change our taste in food.
Change our taste in men.
Let me crave things that are good for me, Lord.
My trainer is so funny
because you guys, I'm going to turn 50 in 10 days.
10 days from now, I'm going to turn 50, okay?
And I'm going to Vegas for my 50th birthday
to go to the Eagles concert.
I'm going to go to the Eagles concert.
If you guys don't know what that is,
then you're either way older than me
or way younger than me.
Okay, yeah, I'm going to go do it.
And so I was basically asking the guy, the trainer,
and I know him.
I used to know him and his wife back in the day.
I said, what kind of food am I allowed to eat in Vegas?
I'm not going to be on a diet in Vegas.
And he goes, oh no.
Of course, he's kind of an off-color person.
He goes, oh no.
He's like, when you go to Vegas,
he's like, it's all hookers and cocaine.
And I'm like, wait, what?
And he's like, that just means you can eat whatever you want.
I'm like, okay, that's a very strange way to say it.
So you guys, we've got to change our appetite
if it's for things that are bad for us,
but we cannot do that on our own, can we?
Can we?
I've tried a million times and guess what?
I always end up right back where I started.
But when I invite Holy Spirit into that process
to show me why I like things that are bad for me,
to give me the revealing for the healing,
that's when things change, huh?
This is good stuff tonight, you friends.
Maybe except for the hookers and cocaine thing.
Okay, that's going to be a blast.
Suggest a healthy alternative to sugar.
Well, you know, for everyone that's going to be different
because everyone is addicted to sugar for different reasons.
Some people medicate with food.
Some people have a thyroid issue.
Some people have a cortisol issue and they're tired
and that's why they are addicted to sugar
because they need the high, you know, they need the energy.
Some people are addicted to sugar
because they're in their dirty thirties
and they're not having sex.
You can replace the, you know,
trying to get that feeling from chocolate
that you would get from an orgasm,
you can replace that with some exercise endorphins, y'all.
I know that does not sound fun, but you can.
People are like, Jackie, I promise you, there's a...
I'm like, is there, is there a runner's high?
I don't know.
All of my coaching, all my coaching students that are on here to get certified, you might
want to leave out the whole hookers and cocaine reference, okay?
Thanks.
Don't tell Bethany I said that, I'm going to get in trouble.
Okay, let's see.
Just so you guys know, I actually had a ministry to trafficked women in the 90s, so I spent
lots of time with hookers, okay?
That's what they called them back then.
Sometimes if they were nice, they called them prostitutes.
And almost every single one of them was sexually abused as a child.
Almost every single one of them came from a broken home.
Some of them came from foster care.
And I'm saying all that to say this, if you have sexual trauma in your past, you are going
to have to deal with that.
Because while you might not be a trafficked woman or a prostituted woman, the reason why
those women got involved with those pimps, those men, because all of them had a pimp.
All of them had someone who was prostituting them.
None of them were out there on their own.
The reason why they got into relationship with those men is not to become prostitutes.
They got into a relationship with those men because they thought those men loved them.
And those men wined and dined them and sweet talked them and love bombed them until they
had them hooked.
And then they got them to do whatever they wanted them to do in order to keep that love.
And some of you maybe haven't done anything that drastic, but you have done some crazy
things to keep love, quote unquote love, it's not love, but to keep the attention of
someone that literally was destroying you.
And we don't want that, do we?
And it's rooted in something.
It's rooted in some very early belief systems of your worth and value.
So please let Holy Spirit show you what that is so that we don't lather, rinse, repeat
that again.
Okay.
All right.
So I can't suggest a healthy alternative for sugar.
I can suggest all the things that I said because you have to ask Holy Spirit why you want the
sugar so bad and he'll show you and then you can find an alternative to that thing because
it's going to be different for everyone.
All right.
Let's see what we got in here.
I have two weeks left of phase one.
How do I truly know if I'm ready to move on to phase two?
I had sexual trauma as a child that I have healed from before during heart work, but
most of my recent hurt has come from men wanting sex before I'm ready and they have cut and
run because of that.
Okay.
So here's the thing, you guys.
If you find in the past, remember how I said God changed our taste in men.
If you find that you have attracted the same type of men, this sister is telling us, hey,
I had sexual trauma in my past.
I think I've healed from it, but I keep attracting men that just want me for sex.
You see that there's something still there isn't there?
There's some kind of tether because I know that when that's all we see, we think that
that's all there is, but there's lots of men that are very respectful of sexual boundaries.
They understand that that is not the way that God has created us and it's not, you know,
it's a sin.
It is not best practices in any way, shape or form to have sex outside of covenant and
they are willing, even though they don't want to wait, they are willing to wait because
they know that God's way is the best way.
There's lots of men like that.
So if you are attracting men that are not like that, then there's a reason why.
What we believe we become, what we become, we attract.
I know that you've healed some layers of your sexual trauma, but maybe not all the layers
are healed.
Okay.
And the reason why I'm saying that is, is because I am an adult survivor of sexual incest
and abuse.
And because I started getting sexual abuse at such a young age by my grandfather and
then my brother, I know that it developed in me an understanding that my sexuality is
something that I can use to control men if I want to.
It also is something that draws men to me.
But it's also something that makes me valuable and sought out by men for, do you see what
I'm saying?
Like I got some really twisted belief systems because of that abuse.
Well, and Jackie, that was my question.
And something.
that was told to my mom when I went through that. I was eight and I was sexually molested by my
brother who was 13. And one of the things they told my mom was that it might become a problem
as I got older and I would want to, I would become more promiscuous and kind of seek that out. But
it really did the opposite. I really kind of, I feel like isolated myself from that.
And so that's probably the layer that I don't know that I've fully healed from.
So I don't really know what to do. And that's always been something I haven't quite known what
to do. I mean, I've healed with my brother. I've forgiven my brother. I have a relationship with
my brother today. But I've just noticed in relationships that I've had, I always seem to
attract and I don't know if it's just that wall that I've put up or I suddenly assume that that's
what the guy wants because of my trauma. Now, are you saying you for sure know that that's
what they want or you're just assuming it? Because I just want to clear that up and then
I have some feedback for you. No, I know because I have had conversations with men and I've told
them, for some where we've got farther into dating, I have shared with them that I was
sexually molested as a child. But I also went from it from the standpoint that I do not believe
sex before marriage. And I've had some guys say that they would accept that, but their actions
proved otherwise, or some that have just said, okay, I can't do that. That's not for me.
Okay. Well, at least it's fair that they're telling you that that's not for me. And so
they can move on. Yes.
A couple things here that this, okay, so not all related to Susan. Okay. But if you find that
there's any area of your life where you're kind of on alert with men, like if you're checking them
out to see if there are certain way you're hypervigilant of your safety in that area,
that means that we're probably not fully healed. Okay. If we're hypervigilant wanting to see,
remember, we want to be God defended. We don't want to constantly be trying to discern
whether or not this person is going to be X, Y, Z, whatever it is. And then secondly,
um, you know, we've all been created to be sexual. Hopefully everybody wants to have sex
in a safe place and a covenant in a place where we feel seen, known, and loved.
You know, hopefully we're all going to want that and enjoy that. And so sexual trauma,
you guys, we've got to, we've got to deal with that because, um, just because, you know, it's
far in the past, doesn't mean that within a sexual relationship and marriage that we're
going to feel comfortable or feel safe there. So we've got to make sure that we're doing that work.
Okay. And so, um, that's one thing. And so secondly, um, if we find that we're attracting,
okay, and this is not really what Susan's describing, because Susan's describing men
that when the conversation comes up, they're just like, yeah, that's not what I, you know,
they're not trying to have sex with her, but they're also saying, you know, I plan on having
a sexual relationship with someone that I'm dating, someone that I'm interested in. I'm not
wait, I'm not willing to wait until marriage. Now there's a whole different type of guy that
becomes very, um, sexual with you really quickly tries to, you know, tries to, you know, get sexual
with you. Even in text messages says, you know, things like you think everything's going great.
And then all of a sudden they send a message, something like, you know, uh, God forbid,
they send an actual picture of their penis or something, but they'll do, maybe they could be
doing something else. Like saying things like, um, you know, I'm in bed. Are you in bed? Like,
they're just kind of fishing, right? They're just, they're wanting to try to open the conversation
up towards things that are sexual. All right. If you feel like you tracked that kind of guy,
Susan's not mentioning that kind of guy, but if any of you feel like you continuously attract the
kind of guy who that's all they're interested in, they're not just saying, oh, Hey, yeah.
You know, I, I plan on having sex with someone that I'm dating and someone that I'm interested
in. I don't want to wait till marriage. No, they don't want to wait till date too. These guys are
looking for a booty call. They're looking for sex. If you find yourself attracting that guy,
we definitely want to take a look at that. Don't just assume that that's how all men are.
Cause it's not true. What often
I had one client who is, you know, pretty overweight.
She probably needs to lose about a hundred pounds, okay?
So she always assumed, because she attracts that kind of guy all the time, guys that go
immediately sexual with her.
And so, because of that, hold on one second, you guys, I'm sorry.
Okay, sorry about that, guys.
And so she said someone told her, and I've heard this before too, and I bet you've heard
this before too.
She said, someone told me that men do this with obese women.
Like these kind of men, they, you know, they go after obese women.
Obese women are the women that they do this to, and, you know, this is happening to me
because I'm overweight.
And I told her, I said, yeah, I said, I hear what you're saying, and I've heard people
say that as well, but I don't believe that that's true.
I said, I know lots of women that are overweight, you know, just as overweight as you are that
don't have that experience.
I said, and I'll tell you, I feel like it's not obesity that causes it.
I believe that it's lack of self-esteem that causes it.
All right?
I said, let me see your, let me see your dating profile.
Let me see what it looks like.
Because the men that, the men that are swiping on you and dropping your DMs and being real
nice to you at first, just so that they can turn the conversation sexual to see if they
can, you know, get, get with you sexually, I said, they're seeing something in your profile
and it's not just that you're overweight.
And so sure enough, we found it, the things that she was saying, the pictures that she
was putting up that were, you know, just they, it showed a lack of a seam for herself.
Okay.
And so if you feel like you have are attracting men that just want a booty call, let's look
at your self-esteem.
Okay.
Whether you're skinny or overweight, doesn't matter.
If you're only attracting that kind of man, let's take a look.
Let's take a deeper look at our self-esteem.
Let's pray into it.
Let's ask Holy Spirit to show us if you have any negative pattern in your life, friends,
not just that negative pattern.
I challenge you to ask God why you are attracting something over and over and over again, or
why you keep doing something over and over again.
Any negative patterns have a root.
And so let's get to the bottom of it.
Okay.
You guys, these are things, please share this in your group with each other.
Make a post, say, Hey Jackie, talk about negative patterns.
I prayed into it and this is what God showed me.
Share this stuff because your breakthrough creates breakthrough for other people.
So Susan, we're going to believe that.
I think that it's great that a man is willing to tell you, Hey, that's not what I'm interested
in.
I think that's fair and it causes you not to have to waste any time with them.
I think that if you've forgiven your brother and you have relationship, me too, same thing
with me.
I've forgiven my brother.
I have relationship with my brother.
In fact, I'm caring for him now.
I have been caring for him for years because he got ran over by a car and he is handicapped.
And so it's funny what God will have us do with the people that have been hurtful with
us in the past.
I mean, he was just a kid, he's only 18 months older than me.
So when the abuse happened, it was mainly stemming from our grandfather and the things
that he had seen as well.
So bottom line is we can forgive.
We need to have boundaries with people that are not safe still.
We need to have good boundaries.
You guys will learn more about boundaries in phase two and how to apply those things.
But just keep moving forward, Susan.
I believe that God is going to show you that there's a whole different type of man out
there that's not just willing to wait for marriage, but willing to be part of your healing
in this area.
Thank you.
That's very helpful.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Okay, you guys, word is coming up on our time together.
So I can take one more question if anyone has one more question.
I hope you guys, that everyone finds something of value tonight.
I hope I don't really get to do this that much and I enjoyed it.
I hope you enjoyed it.
When you get to phase three, you will be able to have, there's a section called Ask Jackie
and all the dating questions, because by then you'll be dating and meeting men and you'll
be doing things.
And so you can put in your questions and I answer those questions regularly.
a session called Ask Jackie. All right. All right. Okay. You're welcome. Showing up
transparent and real is the only kind of showing up I know how to do. So might
have been a little too real at times. All right guys. Well if there's
no other questions then just have a great night and this is available in
replay and don't forget show up in your group and share. Make sure that you
didn't just sign up. You're going to show up all the way into phase two and
phase three because it's only going to get better and better and better and
better. I promise you that in 2025 is going to be here of exponential increase
in success and I want to see you be one of those success stories. So I'll see
you soon. Bye everyone. Thank you Jackie. You're welcome.