WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. This is your first Phase 2 live check-in of 2025.

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I'm super excited to be here with you today on our 1 o'clock call. This is in replay.

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I'm just super pumped for what God is already doing this year.

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I've spent the last couple days just really pressing into him, and I'm already seeing some shifts and some moves.

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I'm so excited what he's going to do for us this year here at Last Year Single.

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Definitely get excited, get prepared.

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For those of you that don't know me, I am Karla Johnson. I'm one of your Phase 2 coaches here at Last Year Single.

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I joined the community in 2020 myself, went through this program, and met my now husband in the end of 2022.

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Got married in 2023, so I am now into my second year of marriage.

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What's really exciting is in these last couple days that I've been spending with the Lord,

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now that my kids are shifting back into school, my husband's getting back in the office, I'm getting my alone time with God.

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In that moment, in that time over the last couple days, I spent a little bit of time going back into an old post of mine from this community

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and where I was at when I first joined this community and in that process even before I met my husband.

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What was really exciting was that many of the questions and many of the posts that I asked in the community

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were a lot of the same questions that come up here in this phase.

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It just really humbled me, and it just really made me feel blessed that I get to do what I do here at Last Year Single.

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It's a way I get to pour back into you all for what God has done in my life through Jackie in this community.

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I hope that years from now, you ladies can look back at where you are right now,

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but it will be you looking back in the past and really see the growth and the progress that you've made and what God has done in your life.

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With that being said, this is the year of intention and supernatural.

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If you have not gotten to watch the Supernatural Saturday this past weekend, I strongly encourage that you do that.

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Jackie released a great word, and it really moved me to hear it, and I think it's going to do the same for you.

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Also, keep in mind that if you missed signing up for Prophesy Your Year, so you weren't able to attend that event,

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but you were really hoping that you could have access to the replay, we are offering that at a 50% off cost.

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If you didn't get to sign up for it and pay for it and just couldn't get in, just know that if you look in our app,

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there is information on how to get access to that.

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It will be at 50% of the cost of what everybody who attended the event had to pay.

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A few things, some housekeeping stuff that we want to remind you ladies of is this year,

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and as you show up in this page, just to be leaning in and coming out of hiding.

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That's something that we have done over the year here in this phase is really helping ladies come out of hiding.

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You guys have just come out of hard work.

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It's really important to do that because it's a way of you showing up for yourself.

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What that looks like in phase two is just going to be coming here to these live calls.

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Those of you that are with me right now, you're right there.

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The ladies that are here with me right now are on camera, which is great.

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Anytime you come to live calls, turn the camera on and also connect with your sisters here in community.

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Also, don't forget to check those events tab on our app as well.

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You don't want to miss any of the things that we've got going on in the community.

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For example, this Thursday, which is I believe the 9th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,

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we have a special session happening.

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or phase three that we are inviting those of you

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that are in phase two to participate in as well.

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It's gonna be with our very own Bethany Cooper.

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She is gonna give us a session on vision boarding with God.

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It's something that I know Bethany has done every year.

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It's something that's been part of our community

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since I was in it in late 2020, in the early 2021.

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See, look, we got some more ladies showing up.

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I knew that would happen.

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So yeah, be sure to check out that session.

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It's just a really great way to kind of set up

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your next year, what God wants to do,

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what visions he's giving you.

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And so I really encourage you to get to that.

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Again, listen to Supernatural Saturday

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because Jackie released that word of intention

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in Supernatural for 2025.

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I also, ladies, gave you homework last week

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to be pressing in and asking the Lord

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to give you a word or phrase

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that God wants to give to you personally in 2024.

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And so I know last week when I was on the call,

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someone even brought up how they felt

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that the word that was given to them was awesome.

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And I said it earlier today,

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but then it's like I come on live and I can't say it.

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So it's authentic, authenticity, I can't say it.

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So that's so funny,

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because I really, I said it several times earlier today

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and I could say it just perfectly fine, but whatever.

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Anyway, so that was a word

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that one of your sisters shared in here last week.

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For me personally, God's been speaking the words unlock

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and connection for me.

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So as I press into that every day,

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he's just showing me new things that,

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with that word and what he means by that.

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So if God has given you a word for 2025,

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I wanna encourage you to go ahead and throw it in the chat

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as I finish up with some of these housekeeping items.

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So let's see here.

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Last trip single,

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that's the last thing I want to share with you ladies.

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Make sure that you check that out in the resource tab.

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The deadline for the down payment for that trip,

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that deposit is due this Friday on the 10th.

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So if you want to spend time with your ladies in community

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and Jackie and David in Columbia, definitely check that out.

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And that again is in the resource tab of the app.

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So thank you, Crystal.

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So destiny moments is what God has given you, I love it.

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I'm excited to see what other people share.

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Ladies, if you're watching this in replay,

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go ahead and share that word or phrase

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that God gave you in the community on our page.

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So that other ladies can see that as well.

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Melissa's got joy and suddenly, I love that.

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I love that word suddenly.

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I really feel strongly that suddenly is just a word

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even just for this movement.

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And last year single, it was just the sudden leaves

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that can happen once we tap in and heal our hearts.

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There's just so many things that God can accelerate

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and do in a sudden way.

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So yes, let's do that.

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Another activation that I'm gonna ask that you ladies do

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is tied with that word of intention

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that Jackie released over the community.

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So we're gonna do that this week.

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So this might stretch some of you,

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but I really believe that it's going to do

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some really great things if you decide to go ahead

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and partner with it and accept

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that invitation of opportunity.

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But ladies, I want you to do this week.

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I want you to get dressed up everywhere you go this week.

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So yes, that's even the grocery store

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and filling up your gas tank.

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So I know that's gonna stretch some of you.

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Interestingly enough, when I went back to some of my posts

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from when I was in this community.

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We didn't have the app.

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We had a Facebook group.

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And so we were always posting things in face groups

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and doing live videos and stuff.

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And we had something similar in this activation.

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And it was so funny because I watched it

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and I used to not really wear makeup.

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I mean, I like wearing makeup when I wanna go out

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and get done up.

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I totally enjoy that.

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I like doing my hair and makeup and that.

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But I got stuck in this, what I called my mom mode

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because it was a single mama.

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And where I worked was not a place where it was,

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where you needed to wear makeup.

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I worked in a community of Amish and Mennonite folks

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in a restaurant.

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And so it was normal to not wear makeup.

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And I dressed the part, that was part of our uniform.

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And so this activation was to start showing up

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and presenting ourselves and wearing makeup

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and doing our hair.

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And in this video, it was my second day

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wearing makeup at work.

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And so it was interesting because before I even said it

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in the video, I was like, wow, I have makeup on.

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And so I'm activating you ladies

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to do the same thing this week.

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Get dressed up, do your hair, do your makeup,

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get a cute dress on, maybe wear a cute jeans, a cute top.

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Okay, show up and get dressed up wherever you go, okay?

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And I want proof.

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So I want you taking photos

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and I want you posting them in the app, okay?

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All right, yes, it is super, super cold.

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I don't know where y'all are from.

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So Crystal, yes, it's like negative 25.

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God bless you.

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I'm here in Central Texas, we're about to get dumped on.

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My youngest son is hopeful

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that they're not gonna have school on Friday.

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He's never seen like no snow.

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Like he's seen a little bit of flurry,

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but we grew up or he grew up in Florida.

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That's where originally where we were living.

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So he's never seen snow

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and I think he's gonna get several inches.

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But yes, it's super cold.

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So yeah, some of you might not be wearing

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like super like tiny dresses, like, you know,

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where it shows knees, you might need to, you know,

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put in like a dressy coat on or, you know,

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cute little beanie hat or some earmuffs,

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cute little scarf, whatever.

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But get dressed up and take pictures

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wherever you go this week.

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And we want proof and we wanna see that.

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All right, Melissa, I'm gonna read some of the comments here

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in the chat.

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So Melissa, you started last week

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and have had so many interactions with both men and women.

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I love that.

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My girl Kelly is on here.

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You can only stay on until noon.

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Okay, so you must be central time because you're at work.

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Yes, so I do wanna get to you before you have to leave.

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So just if I'm still talking and teaching

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with like 15 minutes till you have to get off,

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unmute and interrupt me because I'll stop

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and I wanna give you a little bit of time

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and then I can always follow up with what I'm teaching.

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But I will do my best to get through what I can here

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in the next like 20, 30 minutes, let's say.

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Okay, dress up means no pants and the warmest winter hat.

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Yes, I love it.

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Firstly, you even have just a very feminine sweater on.

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So even that work, all right.

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So I love it.

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I wanna see pictures of it.

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Okay, ladies.

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And also again, I wanna comment.

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We don't have as many women today

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as we've had in the last couple of weeks.

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I think it's because everybody's back to their routines

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and stuff after the holidays.

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But I want to just celebrate

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that every single person I have on this call

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at this very moment has their cameras on.

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Ladies, that is huge.

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I will tell you every single week

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I always have someone that can't get their camera on.

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Whether they're at work and they can't

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or whether it's because there's some insecurity still there.

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All right.

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So I love that.

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I'm super excited.

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All right.

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So Colette, you don't own a feminine sweater.

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Well, I'm gonna challenge you to go find one.

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Go thrift store shopping.

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Go find something cute.

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Ladies, I get some of my stuff on Amazon

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because it's hard for me to get out and go shopping.

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One, I'm still getting used to this area that I live in.

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And it feels like I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

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And I'm used to not having to drive far places

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to get to where I want.

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Sorry, I dropped one of my.

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notes here. So I don't I don't enjoy driving. Sometimes I'm

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like, I'll just do my shopping from Amazon. So I you know,

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there's lots of cute sweaters on Amazon. So Colette, I'm gonna

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challenge you to do that this week. I think that's a prompting

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for you. Okay. I don't like pink either, girl. I don't. Pink is

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not my color. Now, blues, blues are a great color for me. So I

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always tend to kind of lean more towards the blues, those

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those feminine colors. Okay. So you don't have to like pink.

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Feminine just doesn't mean pink. Okay. All right. So all right,

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we are about 17 minutes after the hour, I'm going to go ahead

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and get us started with the teaching of this week. So myself

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and the coaches here in phase two, Ebony, Leah and Bethany,

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we've all been kind of chatting. We've each individually been

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praying into what God wants. We do this every week, we kind of

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just praying what what God wants us to focus on each week when we

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do our live calls. And God really spoke to us about this

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idea of pursuit. Okay. It's how many of like, how many of you

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just by the show of hands have this belief or can recall

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hearing this maybe aligning with it or having, you know, this

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idea or notion that the man is to pursue to pursue? Yes,

250
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Colette, Kelly. Okay. And Crystal, sorry, I said Colette,

251
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but I was like, I was looking at your name, Colette, but Crystal

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was the one. So yeah, so I was the same way when I came into

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this program. Okay, my whole dating, I didn't join this

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program until I was, I think I was 37. If I recall, it was

255
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2020. I'm 41 now. So yeah, I was 37. And so I had this idea in

256
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my 20s and my 30s, that it was all about the man needing to

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pursue me, that it was his job to do that. And so I, you know,

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I've spent some time thinking about this and how I want to

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teach this to you, ladies. And I'm reminded of how God pursues

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us. Okay. But what's important that God reminded me is that

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yes, he is pursuing us and he's pursuing after us. But he is a

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perfect gentleman. He does not force his will on us. And so a

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lot of times that pursuit is an invitation for us to be

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intentional and approach him with the same intent to

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reciprocate, to initiate things with him. It's a partnership.

266
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Okay. So I know that we have this, maybe this old belief

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system that the man is supposed to pursue me. If he doesn't

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pursue me, then, you know, it's a no. Okay, because we do talk

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to you ladies about it's a yes until it's a no. Okay. And so

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sometimes, that's going to stretch some of you ladies

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here. Because some of you have walls up, some of you have been

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hurt in relationship, you've been hurt by, you know, whether

273
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it's a man in your past man that you dated, maybe it was a former

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boyfriend, maybe it was an ex husband, maybe there's been

275
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hurt by, you know, your father, or even your mom, whatever that

276
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is. So we have walls that we have our guards up. And that's

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why heart healing is at the center of what we do here at

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last year single. Okay, that's why we ask you ladies to hold

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off on dating in that first phase. Because that's where

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you're going to you really get introduced to that heartwork.

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But the truth is that heartwork will continue through this

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process. And so it's super important that I express to you

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ladies, because we do this in phase one, where, you know, some

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of you may recall, and the beginning stages of heartwork,

285
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Jackie gives you some kind of a indication of, hey, there's

286
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going to be some things that you might experience, there might be

287
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some, you know, hurts that come up,

288
00:20:02.200 --> 00:20:04.600
some things that come out of the word work.

289
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It's gonna feel like a scheduled surgery, right?

290
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And there's gonna be things that are gonna surface

291
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and it can cause some pain, right?

292
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And so she talks about that in phase one,

293
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you know, and as we introduce y'all to the heart work,

294
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and then so now that you've gotten that,

295
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you know, foundation of heart work,

296
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now we're gonna open the door to that phase two

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where we're gonna say, okay,

298
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now we need to start looking at dating now.

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And believe it or not, ladies,

300
00:20:36.540 --> 00:20:40.000
it's important to know that dating for many of you

301
00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:42.880
is going to bring some more things to the surface

302
00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:45.300
that's going to require some heart healing.

303
00:20:45.300 --> 00:20:48.480
Now, the good news is that you don't have to sit here

304
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:51.680
and feel like you're in the ICU, you know,

305
00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:54.540
kind of doing this intense heart work all the time.

306
00:20:54.540 --> 00:20:57.200
You're like, oh my gosh, now that I have heart work,

307
00:20:57.200 --> 00:21:00.360
am I gonna be, you know, constantly experiencing

308
00:21:00.360 --> 00:21:03.600
this intensity for the rest of my life?

309
00:21:03.600 --> 00:21:06.960
And honestly, ladies, it's not, okay?

310
00:21:06.960 --> 00:21:10.560
I've been, you know, in heart work,

311
00:21:10.560 --> 00:21:13.060
I've been introduced to this since 2020.

312
00:21:13.060 --> 00:21:17.360
I'm actually right now going back through my heart work

313
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and going through the book.

314
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You know, I'm getting more out of it.

315
00:21:21.440 --> 00:21:23.680
I'm having to surface some stuff

316
00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:25.840
and some stuff is starting to come up for me

317
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because now I'm in marriage, ladies.

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And ladies, let me tell you,

319
00:21:29.160 --> 00:21:31.800
marriage is gonna bring up more things

320
00:21:31.800 --> 00:21:33.520
that need to get healed.

321
00:21:33.520 --> 00:21:34.960
And so that stuff is coming up

322
00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:38.880
and I'm not responding to my heart work

323
00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:42.560
with the same like fear and intensity

324
00:21:42.560 --> 00:21:45.180
that I kind of was early on

325
00:21:45.180 --> 00:21:46.640
because I've gotten some healing,

326
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:48.680
I've gotten some growth, okay?

327
00:21:48.680 --> 00:21:51.120
I've experienced that a little bit.

328
00:21:51.120 --> 00:21:54.280
So I think it's important to share with you ladies

329
00:21:54.280 --> 00:21:56.160
that as you're gonna step into dating

330
00:21:56.160 --> 00:21:58.480
and some of you are gonna be like, let's go.

331
00:21:58.480 --> 00:21:59.880
Like, where are the men at?

332
00:21:59.880 --> 00:22:00.760
Sign me up.

333
00:22:00.760 --> 00:22:02.360
You're gonna have guys messaging you,

334
00:22:02.360 --> 00:22:03.560
you're gonna have people come

335
00:22:03.560 --> 00:22:06.240
and you're gonna be open to having a lot of dates.

336
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:10.160
Some of you are gonna wanna slow it down

337
00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:12.320
and be like, I don't know if I'm ready for this.

338
00:22:12.320 --> 00:22:13.960
That was me.

339
00:22:13.960 --> 00:22:16.800
I waited a lot of time

340
00:22:16.800 --> 00:22:19.480
before I jumped into that dating pool, okay?

341
00:22:19.480 --> 00:22:22.520
And you all are at your own pace, okay?

342
00:22:22.560 --> 00:22:25.360
God is gonna bake you through that journey.

343
00:22:25.360 --> 00:22:28.360
Now us as coaches, we're gonna press you,

344
00:22:28.360 --> 00:22:29.440
we're gonna stretch you,

345
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:33.120
we're gonna ask Holy Spirit to speak through us for you.

346
00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:37.600
But at the end of the day, it's an invitation.

347
00:22:37.600 --> 00:22:40.920
It's an opportunity for you ladies to get growth.

348
00:22:40.920 --> 00:22:42.760
And so that's why I think it's important for us

349
00:22:42.760 --> 00:22:45.720
to talk about this idea of pursuing

350
00:22:46.800 --> 00:22:51.280
and that God's not going to force his will on you,

351
00:22:51.280 --> 00:22:53.480
but we also have to keep that in mind

352
00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:57.280
with the men that we are coming across, okay?

353
00:22:57.280 --> 00:22:59.000
Because believe it or not,

354
00:23:03.560 --> 00:23:06.280
some of us are harboring some expectations

355
00:23:06.280 --> 00:23:11.000
of men that are not healthy, okay?

356
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So let me ask this,

357
00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:20.840
and I want you ladies giving me your responses in the chat.

358
00:23:20.840 --> 00:23:24.800
What, if any, expectations do you have of men

359
00:23:24.800 --> 00:23:27.120
going into this new season of dating?

360
00:23:29.400 --> 00:23:30.720
So I want you to just press that.

361
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:33.200
Some of you might need a little time with the Lord,

362
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:36.520
so you may not hear anything right this second.

363
00:23:36.520 --> 00:23:40.120
Some of you might have some things coming up,

364
00:23:40.120 --> 00:23:42.440
some of you might need a little time.

365
00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:45.120
So for example, some people might be like,

366
00:23:45.120 --> 00:23:49.800
well, it's the man's place to pursue me.

367
00:23:50.520 --> 00:23:52.240
The man is the one that's supposed

368
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:54.560
to be initiating everything.

369
00:23:56.800 --> 00:23:58.600
Maybe it's the man that has to do

370
00:23:58.600 --> 00:24:00.240
all of the planning for dates.

371
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:02.920
The man is the one that has to invite me on a date.

372
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:11.960
Maybe it's, I expect that the man communicate with me

373
00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:13.920
what his intentions are.

374
00:24:14.920 --> 00:24:18.480
So Crystal, you have expectations of men being a gentleman.

375
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.600
So what does that look like?

376
00:24:21.600 --> 00:24:23.400
What does it mean to be a gentleman?

377
00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:27.400
You don't have to answer right now.

378
00:24:27.400 --> 00:24:29.400
Just these ladies are just gonna,

379
00:24:29.400 --> 00:24:31.400
I'm gonna ask you questions

380
00:24:31.400 --> 00:24:33.720
because I want you ladies processing

381
00:24:33.720 --> 00:24:35.360
and spending time with Holy Spirit,

382
00:24:35.360 --> 00:24:38.360
not just right now, but later,

383
00:24:38.360 --> 00:24:41.040
even after the call and into this week.

384
00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:46.480
Okay, so yes, LaVeena, it has been taught.

385
00:24:49.900 --> 00:24:51.760
I was under that same teaching.

386
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.460
But ladies, it's it's also about initiation and reciprocation

387
00:25:05.680 --> 00:25:07.680
Okay

388
00:25:06.320 --> 00:25:07.520
Okay, so I'm like,

389
00:25:09.640 --> 00:25:11.200
Okay

390
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:14.460
Crystal you don't have to type it out if it's super long, but if you want to you can

391
00:25:15.600 --> 00:25:20.900
So Kelly you don't have a lot of expectations because you're just trying to get to know people's friends great

392
00:25:21.720 --> 00:25:25.320
You do expect that your spirit mate will be a pursuer

393
00:25:25.320 --> 00:25:32.120
So, let's even following with with what Jackie suggests, can you initiate a little communication, but then he needs to take it from there

394
00:25:32.120 --> 00:25:36.920
So yes, there's it's about that healthy balance and it's going to be about learning what that looks like

395
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:40.200
Okay

396
00:25:42.200 --> 00:25:45.320
So these are just things I want you ladies to be thinking about

397
00:25:45.960 --> 00:25:47.240
Just to be honest

398
00:25:47.240 --> 00:25:54.840
We have a lot of women in this program that miss out on some good guys because their expectations may be regarding a certain type of

399
00:25:55.320 --> 00:26:01.220
Guy like let's first for for example, like that. He needs to plan more is super high

400
00:26:02.560 --> 00:26:08.880
So some ladies will miss out on the opportunity of dating some really good guys because he's just not a planner

401
00:26:11.240 --> 00:26:16.800
So that's why we have to break down what that pursuing that initiating that reciprocation

402
00:26:17.360 --> 00:26:19.360
really looks like

403
00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:26.000
Okay, and heart healing is what's needed at the core as well as our minds that mindset shifts

404
00:26:26.840 --> 00:26:33.640
Because dating will bring a whole new level of heart healing for you ladies, you know be prepared when you first start dating

405
00:26:34.560 --> 00:26:39.480
in this phase that there's gonna you're gonna have some opportunity for growth and

406
00:26:39.880 --> 00:26:43.560
Healing, especially when men respond in ways that may bring up

407
00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:46.440
unhealed heart areas in us

408
00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:48.680
Okay

409
00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:53.960
So I'll give you some of my own examples from what happened with me in this program

410
00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:57.240
Okay

411
00:26:57.360 --> 00:27:04.320
Was I had one guy who boasted about dating a 20 year old

412
00:27:05.600 --> 00:27:10.680
when I declined his invitation to me to get to know him because

413
00:27:12.080 --> 00:27:16.560
Like I declined I declined his invitation to get to know me more because he was older

414
00:27:17.240 --> 00:27:22.840
He's much older than me than I was actually interested in dating his mind you I was I was 30

415
00:27:22.840 --> 00:27:28.480
So when I joined this program, I think he kind of came into the picture around when I was 38 and for me

416
00:27:28.480 --> 00:27:32.520
I really just felt more comfortable at that time dating someone within like

417
00:27:33.000 --> 00:27:38.760
Either five years older or five years younger kind of just depending. It wasn't hard set on that age

418
00:27:39.080 --> 00:27:41.960
It was more about where they're at in their life

419
00:27:42.960 --> 00:27:47.400
But I kind of used that that age as an as a buffer

420
00:27:48.080 --> 00:27:53.760
So I was 38. I was kind of like I don't really want to date anybody older than 43

421
00:27:54.360 --> 00:28:01.320
Maybe 44. I'll push it maybe a little more this guy was like 46 or 47

422
00:28:01.320 --> 00:28:08.880
So he was close to 10 years older than me and I declined it and was not interested in getting to know him

423
00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:13.080
He was someone that was in at the time was in our community and

424
00:28:13.720 --> 00:28:20.920
I just wasn't interested in that. He got super offended when I rejected his offer and he started boasting about

425
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:24.880
Dating a 20 year old and

426
00:28:25.520 --> 00:28:27.520
ladies it like

427
00:28:27.560 --> 00:28:29.560
it wasn't like

428
00:28:29.600 --> 00:28:35.880
It was an opportunity for me to get to the root of why his response bothered me

429
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:39.720
I wasn't interested in him, but the way he responded

430
00:28:40.600 --> 00:28:47.040
Bothered me and so I came into the community. I came into our group. I shared it with the women in the community

431
00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:51.040
you know and Jackie had an opportunity to teach me and

432
00:28:51.560 --> 00:28:54.080
help me process through it and

433
00:28:55.680 --> 00:28:59.960
You know, I got I got I was able to kind of release that guy

434
00:29:00.840 --> 00:29:04.480
God showed me a different way of looking at it

435
00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:10.720
And I didn't have to have an ill feeling towards him. I didn't have to judge him

436
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:16.000
I could see and have compassion with why he was responding the way that he was

437
00:29:16.800 --> 00:29:18.800
Okay, but at first I was like

438
00:29:18.840 --> 00:29:24.120
What like you're disgusting and you're rude like that was my first response to this guy

439
00:29:24.120 --> 00:29:27.440
okay, and so I got some healing there and

440
00:29:28.160 --> 00:29:30.000
Then

441
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:32.000
another year later I

442
00:29:32.520 --> 00:29:39.480
Was dating another guy who again happened to be part of this community. It doesn't all happen like that ladies like

443
00:29:40.800 --> 00:29:42.440
but

444
00:29:42.440 --> 00:29:48.280
He was a great guy. He's actually still someone that I I consider a friend. I consider him a brother in Christ

445
00:29:49.800 --> 00:29:51.800
We had a date and

446
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:57.800
We had known each other for over a year and we decided to finally go on a date together and

447
00:29:58.640 --> 00:30:00.640
Had a wonderful day

448
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.880
A few weeks later, he ended up going on a trip,

449
00:30:04.880 --> 00:30:07.000
and he met another girl.

450
00:30:07.000 --> 00:30:09.400
Okay, he's now actually in a very serious,

451
00:30:09.400 --> 00:30:11.360
exclusive relationship with her.

452
00:30:11.360 --> 00:30:12.600
They're super cute.

453
00:30:14.080 --> 00:30:15.120
But guess what?

454
00:30:15.120 --> 00:30:17.600
She's 12 years younger than me.

455
00:30:17.600 --> 00:30:20.320
Now, he was a little bit younger than me,

456
00:30:20.320 --> 00:30:23.480
but she was 12 years younger than me.

457
00:30:23.480 --> 00:30:28.000
So here we go again, like this guy dating a younger woman.

458
00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:31.720
Now, he wasn't boasting about it like the first guy was,

459
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:33.480
but you know what?

460
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:36.040
It was another layer, another invitation

461
00:30:36.040 --> 00:30:38.040
for me to grow my heart healing,

462
00:30:38.040 --> 00:30:42.200
because some stuff, some heart wounds came up for me.

463
00:30:43.240 --> 00:30:47.360
Okay, some of you ladies may not know my story,

464
00:30:47.360 --> 00:30:52.360
but I was a single mom when I entered this program.

465
00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:55.840
My son's dad actually left me

466
00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:57.520
when I was seven months pregnant

467
00:30:58.400 --> 00:31:01.280
for a girl who was 12 years younger than me.

468
00:31:03.280 --> 00:31:05.440
Okay, so seven months pregnant.

469
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:09.000
I mean, it was, there was a lot of,

470
00:31:11.040 --> 00:31:13.720
okay, but this community, this program

471
00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:16.400
actually brought me to a place of healing

472
00:31:16.400 --> 00:31:21.400
where now I can talk about how God healed me in these areas.

473
00:31:21.560 --> 00:31:24.080
And he used guys I dated

474
00:31:24.120 --> 00:31:26.840
to draw out some of that stuff,

475
00:31:26.840 --> 00:31:30.480
some of that heart wound stuff, okay?

476
00:31:31.480 --> 00:31:34.800
So want you ladies to be expectant

477
00:31:34.800 --> 00:31:39.800
of how this dating process can bring up

478
00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:44.880
areas of unhealed areas that will get healing,

479
00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:47.080
some revealing for healing.

480
00:31:47.080 --> 00:31:50.440
So sometimes we're gonna press you and the community

481
00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:54.920
and says most coaches, we're gonna stretch you sometimes

482
00:31:54.920 --> 00:31:58.640
because there could be a layer of heart work that's needed.

483
00:31:58.640 --> 00:32:03.320
And the cool thing is, is God is such a gentle father

484
00:32:04.760 --> 00:32:07.040
that he doesn't rip the Band-Aids off.

485
00:32:07.040 --> 00:32:08.400
He does it in layers.

486
00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:11.280
So you see how, what that one guy was boasting

487
00:32:11.280 --> 00:32:13.840
about the 20 year old, I kind of had started shifting

488
00:32:13.840 --> 00:32:16.640
and being like, I don't have to think of him

489
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:19.160
in a certain way, because ladies, let me tell you,

490
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:23.480
some of you ladies, whether you're on live now

491
00:32:23.480 --> 00:32:24.840
or you're gonna hear this in replay,

492
00:32:24.840 --> 00:32:27.320
some of you have been wounded by some men

493
00:32:27.320 --> 00:32:30.200
and it's created some counterfeits

494
00:32:30.200 --> 00:32:32.280
and it's created some beliefs

495
00:32:32.280 --> 00:32:34.840
and some harshness towards men in general.

496
00:32:36.280 --> 00:32:37.320
I had that.

497
00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:42.600
I had to really scale my heart

498
00:32:44.280 --> 00:32:48.480
and God had to show me that not all men are bad.

499
00:32:50.840 --> 00:32:55.600
I had a lot of traumatic things happen with guys I dated,

500
00:32:57.280 --> 00:33:02.280
but God gently started peeling those layers

501
00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:04.440
and showing me through this community

502
00:33:04.440 --> 00:33:06.520
and showing me through the stretching

503
00:33:06.520 --> 00:33:10.240
of what Jackie and this program was asking me to do

504
00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:12.680
and how it was showing up on dates,

505
00:33:12.680 --> 00:33:17.680
how I was learning not to judge and be rigid about men

506
00:33:18.280 --> 00:33:19.920
and just being open-minded

507
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:24.480
and stepping into a softer divine feminine

508
00:33:26.520 --> 00:33:28.960
to help me in those areas.

509
00:33:28.960 --> 00:33:32.200
A lot of it was just about laying down my right,

510
00:33:33.760 --> 00:33:36.280
like I had to lay down my right.

511
00:33:37.360 --> 00:33:42.320
Okay, that doesn't mean that we don't deserve men

512
00:33:42.320 --> 00:33:46.120
that have the three M's and that are chivalrous.

513
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:48.240
We don't have to settle for less

514
00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:50.680
than what God's best is for us,

515
00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:52.960
but we also need to make sure

516
00:33:52.960 --> 00:33:56.560
that we are open to heart transformation

517
00:33:56.560 --> 00:33:58.960
that can help us walk in humility

518
00:33:58.960 --> 00:34:02.080
in our attitudes and thoughts towards others.

519
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:07.120
Some of you ladies, you come and share your,

520
00:34:07.120 --> 00:34:09.239
and I love this, I love that you're sharing

521
00:34:09.239 --> 00:34:11.000
your interactions with men,

522
00:34:11.000 --> 00:34:13.679
but some of you are very hard

523
00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:15.760
to how some of these men are responding to you

524
00:34:16.400 --> 00:34:17.639
and you're throwing the walls up,

525
00:34:17.639 --> 00:34:19.840
you're throwing the judgments up, okay?

526
00:34:19.840 --> 00:34:22.639
I get it, I did it, all right?

527
00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:24.520
But what we're gonna do here

528
00:34:24.520 --> 00:34:29.000
is we're gonna help you walk through that process, okay?

529
00:34:29.000 --> 00:34:32.800
We're giving you invitations to try things differently.

530
00:34:34.360 --> 00:34:36.480
And you ladies, I still will encourage you ladies,

531
00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:40.120
make sure you are having relationship

532
00:34:40.120 --> 00:34:42.000
and conversation with the Lord.

533
00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:47.000
It's so important that you individually go to God.

534
00:34:48.639 --> 00:34:52.320
As coaches here, cannot be your God, all right?

535
00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:56.280
God can use us, we can be a vessel

536
00:34:56.280 --> 00:34:58.840
to pour into you and help you.

537
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.560
But it's important that you hear from God, which, again, I'll remind you, for any of

538
00:35:06.560 --> 00:35:13.520
you that were not able to go to, I think it was two or three weeks ago, we had a special

539
00:35:13.520 --> 00:35:14.520
session.

540
00:35:14.520 --> 00:35:16.080
It's in the replays.

541
00:35:16.080 --> 00:35:17.800
It's How to Hear God.

542
00:35:17.800 --> 00:35:21.280
Bethany Hicks is the one that teaches on that.

543
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:24.120
So I want to encourage you ladies to go and listen to that.

544
00:35:24.120 --> 00:35:28.480
If that's an area that you feel like, no, I need to hear God more, I don't know what

545
00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:29.480
that means.

546
00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:31.600
I'll encourage you to go do that.

547
00:35:31.600 --> 00:35:32.600
Okay.

548
00:35:32.600 --> 00:35:40.160
So yeah, moving on, I also kind of want to, there's another testimony of mine that I want

549
00:35:40.160 --> 00:35:46.400
to share with you ladies, because I think, on lock of why it's important that we kind

550
00:35:46.400 --> 00:35:52.880
of step out of our comfort zone, give men opportunity, also for us to see how sometimes

551
00:35:52.880 --> 00:35:56.280
we can be blind in one area.

552
00:35:56.280 --> 00:36:03.040
So some of you ladies might remember, some of you ladies have been in phase two a little

553
00:36:03.040 --> 00:36:05.240
bit, and so you might have heard me share this.

554
00:36:05.240 --> 00:36:12.240
If you're new to phase two, you probably haven't, but my husband now, so we're in our second

555
00:36:12.240 --> 00:36:18.560
year of marriage, I almost did not go on a first date with him.

556
00:36:18.560 --> 00:36:20.640
I was ready to cut and run before I even met him.

557
00:36:20.680 --> 00:36:27.320
So we were, we had a long distance thing going on and I didn't meet him until about three

558
00:36:27.320 --> 00:36:30.760
weeks in, and he came to Florida.

559
00:36:30.760 --> 00:36:33.720
He worked in this, worked in that area.

560
00:36:33.720 --> 00:36:40.000
So he rearranged, ladies, he rearranged his trip because originally he was supposed to

561
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:45.080
come over one weekend where I had my son and I had plans to take my son to a Four King

562
00:36:45.080 --> 00:36:47.560
and Country concert in Orlando.

563
00:36:47.560 --> 00:36:50.600
So like this guy wanted to get to know me.

564
00:36:50.600 --> 00:36:56.800
He had intentions to get to know me and he came in pretty strong.

565
00:36:56.800 --> 00:37:03.840
Here's the thing, ladies, he even deep dived with me and I was like, whoa, like this guy

566
00:37:03.840 --> 00:37:08.240
is sharing too much personal information early on.

567
00:37:08.240 --> 00:37:11.040
Now we teach you ladies, let's scale that back.

568
00:37:11.040 --> 00:37:14.760
Let's not give like, that's not deep dive, right?

569
00:37:14.760 --> 00:37:15.760
Guess what ladies?

570
00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:18.480
Some of you guys, some of you are going to have men that do that because they haven't

571
00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:21.360
been taught that.

572
00:37:21.360 --> 00:37:25.720
And some of you ladies might see that as a sign to cut and run.

573
00:37:25.720 --> 00:37:27.720
I did.

574
00:37:27.720 --> 00:37:32.440
I almost cut and run for my husband because he shared with me some personal trauma that

575
00:37:32.440 --> 00:37:35.080
he experienced when he was a kid.

576
00:37:35.080 --> 00:37:40.560
He also shared with me probably too much information early on about his late wife.

577
00:37:40.560 --> 00:37:47.160
His wife had passed, but the unhealthiness of their marriage, but you know what?

578
00:37:47.160 --> 00:37:51.600
I still saw something that I was like, I'm still open because it was about, it's a yes

579
00:37:51.600 --> 00:38:01.160
until to know it was yellow flags, but I didn't let those yellow flags scare me off.

580
00:38:01.160 --> 00:38:04.480
I also had Jackie lighting a fire under my butt.

581
00:38:04.480 --> 00:38:05.480
Okay.

582
00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:09.760
So sometimes your coaches, myself, Ebony, Bethany, Jackie, we're going to light fires

583
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:10.760
under your butt.

584
00:38:10.760 --> 00:38:11.760
All right.

585
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:15.320
We're going to push you to do something that maybe you don't want to do because I did it.

586
00:38:15.320 --> 00:38:18.760
I was like, I was ready to like, no, I don't want to date this guy.

587
00:38:18.760 --> 00:38:19.760
He lives in Texas.

588
00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:20.760
I live in Florida.

589
00:38:20.760 --> 00:38:23.720
I don't really want to move, but I'm open to whatever God wants to do, but I don't really

590
00:38:23.720 --> 00:38:24.720
want to do this.

591
00:38:24.720 --> 00:38:30.200
You know, I was freaked out, like, you know, so I almost didn't go out on this date.

592
00:38:30.200 --> 00:38:35.920
And the reason I almost didn't go on this date with him was because he set up dinner

593
00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:38.240
plans for like at eight or nine o'clock at night.

594
00:38:38.240 --> 00:38:40.360
Ladies, I was a single mom.

595
00:38:40.360 --> 00:38:45.360
Like I was usually in my pajamas and in bed by nine o'clock at night, right?

596
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:50.320
So I was in my late thirties, but ladies, I was like, no, I don't like to stay up late.

597
00:38:50.320 --> 00:38:55.120
I still don't always like staying up late and he's a night owl and I'm not, so we're

598
00:38:55.120 --> 00:38:57.680
having to kind of like learn how to navigate that.

599
00:38:57.680 --> 00:39:02.960
But you know, I didn't think that was normal.

600
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:07.360
Like I didn't want to go.

601
00:39:07.360 --> 00:39:11.760
And so, but I was like, okay, I'm going to lean in and I'm going to get myself uncomfortable

602
00:39:11.760 --> 00:39:14.360
and do something I don't necessarily want to do.

603
00:39:14.360 --> 00:39:15.360
Ladies.

604
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:18.920
I later found out that he got in trouble.

605
00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:24.560
He got reprimanded for leaving work early because he was here on a work trip.

606
00:39:24.560 --> 00:39:27.440
So my husband is in, in, in insurance.

607
00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:28.440
Okay.

608
00:39:28.440 --> 00:39:37.240
He does, um, he specializes in Medicare and so for his world and his like business, middle

609
00:39:38.120 --> 00:39:43.680
of October until that last, uh, first week, middle of October to the first week, the ending

610
00:39:43.680 --> 00:39:47.040
of the first week of December is his busiest time of year.

611
00:39:47.040 --> 00:39:51.360
I mean, that man will work from the morning he wakes up until the morning moment he goes

612
00:39:51.360 --> 00:39:53.440
to bed.

613
00:39:53.440 --> 00:39:59.720
So that last weekend of AEP, which is annual enrollment period, which is the time where

614
00:39:59.720 --> 00:40:00.000
people.

615
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.440
have Medicare, can change their Medicare plans for the following year.

616
00:40:05.440 --> 00:40:10.480
He left work early to drive down from Clearwater to like the Bradenton,

617
00:40:10.480 --> 00:40:12.640
Sarasota area to go on a date with me.

618
00:40:12.640 --> 00:40:16.320
So he had to make it like nine or eight or nine o'clock at night.

619
00:40:17.160 --> 00:40:19.800
He got yelled at by his boss at the time.

620
00:40:21.240 --> 00:40:21.760
All right.

621
00:40:22.120 --> 00:40:25.640
So it wasn't that he like wanted to have a late dinner.

622
00:40:25.680 --> 00:40:28.520
It was just what he could sacrifice.

623
00:40:29.520 --> 00:40:33.800
I could have sat there and judged him and been rigid and been stuck at my ways.

624
00:40:33.800 --> 00:40:36.000
Like he's not being very gentlemanly.

625
00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:37.560
He didn't ask me at the time.

626
00:40:37.560 --> 00:40:39.560
He just set a time, whatever.

627
00:40:39.560 --> 00:40:41.840
Like we could, I could have gotten stuck there.

628
00:40:42.960 --> 00:40:43.680
Okay.

629
00:40:44.120 --> 00:40:47.960
It's super important that we have to remember to give guys grace.

630
00:40:50.760 --> 00:40:57.480
Cause let me ask you ladies, what area in your life do you struggle with?

631
00:40:57.800 --> 00:40:58.880
Where do you fall short?

632
00:40:59.520 --> 00:41:01.160
We all have shortcomings, right?

633
00:41:02.960 --> 00:41:05.160
Is there anything that you fall short in?

634
00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:07.480
Share that in the, in the chat.

635
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:10.800
What's an area that you might fall short in?

636
00:41:16.760 --> 00:41:20.640
I'm going to try to get through this last little bit so that way I

637
00:41:20.640 --> 00:41:22.480
can leave some space for Kelly.

638
00:41:28.280 --> 00:41:30.080
So Crystal, like giving short responses.

639
00:41:30.080 --> 00:41:31.920
That's an area that maybe you fall short in.

640
00:41:36.120 --> 00:41:36.920
I love that.

641
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:41.120
The reason I'm asking you ladies to think about that.

642
00:41:41.120 --> 00:41:44.400
So Amanda, she falls short with patience, right?

643
00:41:46.440 --> 00:41:46.680
No.

644
00:41:46.680 --> 00:41:51.760
So let me now ask you ladies, Colette anxiousness, girl, I'm right there with

645
00:41:52.360 --> 00:41:53.600
anxiousness girl.

646
00:41:53.680 --> 00:41:54.760
I'm right there with you.

647
00:41:55.720 --> 00:41:59.640
I fall short because I struggle, believe it or not.

648
00:41:59.720 --> 00:42:06.160
I struggle with anxiety a lot, especially now in this new season of

649
00:42:06.160 --> 00:42:08.040
marriage and I'm blending a family.

650
00:42:09.600 --> 00:42:15.160
Like I'm having to learn a whole new way of, of, of life at times.

651
00:42:16.600 --> 00:42:18.480
And I fall short in that area.

652
00:42:19.080 --> 00:42:24.600
So ladies in these areas that you are falling short in, how does it make you

653
00:42:24.600 --> 00:42:29.520
feel when people practice extending grace for that?

654
00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:34.320
Patience is a good one.

655
00:42:34.320 --> 00:42:36.360
I struggle with patience with my kids.

656
00:42:36.360 --> 00:42:38.920
Y'all have patience with other people.

657
00:42:38.920 --> 00:42:43.160
I struggle with patience for my kids, but I'm so thankful when my kids extend

658
00:42:43.160 --> 00:42:47.800
grace to me for my lack of patience sometimes with them.

659
00:42:49.480 --> 00:42:55.120
The ladies, the reason why I'm asking this of you ladies is because if we fall

660
00:42:55.120 --> 00:43:01.240
short in areas and we appreciate the extension of grace, do you think it's

661
00:43:01.240 --> 00:43:03.520
possible that men are going to fall short too?

662
00:43:06.320 --> 00:43:12.040
Doesn't mean that we have to, you know, accept unacceptable behavior, but I do.

663
00:43:12.080 --> 00:43:18.160
That's why coming into this community and letting us know what you're experiencing.

664
00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:22.680
What actions men are taking, how you're responding to it,

665
00:43:22.680 --> 00:43:24.280
how they're responding to you.

666
00:43:24.560 --> 00:43:26.840
We can help you navigate that.

667
00:43:30.240 --> 00:43:35.160
Like my husband and I fall short daily and we choose grace

668
00:43:35.200 --> 00:43:37.360
and love daily with each other.

669
00:43:40.160 --> 00:43:44.000
Ladies, remember that this season is preparation for marriage.

670
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:46.880
Some of you have never been married.

671
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:48.440
I had never been married before.

672
00:43:48.480 --> 00:43:48.720
Okay.

673
00:43:48.720 --> 00:43:52.600
So I can't say that I'm an expert in this area, but I can say I've got, you

674
00:43:52.600 --> 00:43:57.960
know, a little, little over a year under my belt, you know, I've linked

675
00:43:57.960 --> 00:43:59.520
arms with other married couples.

676
00:43:59.560 --> 00:44:06.120
Obviously Jackie and David are someone that I lean on often in this area.

677
00:44:06.760 --> 00:44:10.040
Some of you ladies have been married before, so you have some experience.

678
00:44:10.760 --> 00:44:14.360
I know some ladies that are in our community, they've been widowed.

679
00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:17.840
They had great marriages and their husbands have passed.

680
00:44:18.120 --> 00:44:22.720
I know some ladies have had been married and had not so great marriages, but

681
00:44:22.720 --> 00:44:27.520
there's been learning experience and all of that, and I don't think that Ebony

682
00:44:27.520 --> 00:44:31.960
would, would mind me sharing this, but she was previously married and she

683
00:44:31.960 --> 00:44:36.560
even will tell you that, you know, there was some stuff and it was a rescue

684
00:44:36.560 --> 00:44:42.600
mission for her, but she has pulled a lot of growth and learning and healing

685
00:44:42.880 --> 00:44:44.960
in areas that she had to grow in.

686
00:44:46.640 --> 00:44:52.080
And what marriage is really like, because ladies, like you got to prepare

687
00:44:52.080 --> 00:44:55.760
to give men grace because you are going to have to give grace to your husband.

688
00:44:57.480 --> 00:44:59.960
Your kids are going to give grace to, and let's not forget.

689
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.000
your in-laws, okay?

690
00:45:03.000 --> 00:45:05.240
So grace is so important.

691
00:45:05.240 --> 00:45:09.560
So I challenge you ladies as you step into dating

692
00:45:11.360 --> 00:45:14.160
to be asking about grace for some of the men

693
00:45:14.160 --> 00:45:16.320
that you're dating and the expectations

694
00:45:16.320 --> 00:45:18.280
that you may be holding them to.

695
00:45:18.280 --> 00:45:20.720
Maybe they're not planners.

696
00:45:20.720 --> 00:45:24.440
Maybe they're not great at like, you know,

697
00:45:24.440 --> 00:45:28.640
setting something up and confirming a plan with you.

698
00:45:28.640 --> 00:45:30.000
Some people are just not planners.

699
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:31.440
I'm a planner.

700
00:45:31.440 --> 00:45:32.920
My husband is not a planner.

701
00:45:34.280 --> 00:45:35.400
Drives me crazy.

702
00:45:35.400 --> 00:45:39.800
A lot of my friends are seven on Enneagram.

703
00:45:40.840 --> 00:45:42.200
I am a six.

704
00:45:42.200 --> 00:45:44.200
I like to plan.

705
00:45:44.200 --> 00:45:47.360
So like, sometimes I get pushed.

706
00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:49.320
So I'm like, why do I have to plan everything?

707
00:45:49.320 --> 00:45:50.280
Nobody plans anything.

708
00:45:50.280 --> 00:45:52.680
Everybody's just like lackadaisical.

709
00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:56.720
It's gonna be some men that are like that, okay?

710
00:45:56.720 --> 00:45:59.040
It's gonna be a learning opportunity for you.

711
00:46:00.280 --> 00:46:03.200
And ladies, I say this because if you don't work

712
00:46:03.200 --> 00:46:06.800
through some of this stuff now, believe it or not,

713
00:46:06.800 --> 00:46:08.800
you're gonna work through it in marriage

714
00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:12.680
because marriage is God's maturity plan for mankind.

715
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:17.840
And let me tell you, there's some areas right now

716
00:46:17.840 --> 00:46:20.720
where I'm like, man, I probably had opportunities

717
00:46:20.720 --> 00:46:24.800
to work on this, but I didn't when I was single

718
00:46:25.680 --> 00:46:27.320
that now I'm working on in marriage.

719
00:46:27.320 --> 00:46:29.080
And I'm like, oh, this would have been great

720
00:46:29.080 --> 00:46:31.120
if I worked on this when I was single.

721
00:46:32.520 --> 00:46:35.200
But God is so good and he's so gentle.

722
00:46:35.200 --> 00:46:38.240
He gave me a very loving, patient husband

723
00:46:38.240 --> 00:46:41.240
that probably chooses to give me grace

724
00:46:41.240 --> 00:46:43.200
more than I probably give him grace.

725
00:46:48.800 --> 00:46:50.080
So yeah.

726
00:46:50.080 --> 00:46:53.960
So yeah, when you've been in abusive relationships, 100%.

727
00:46:54.000 --> 00:46:57.640
Ladies, I have been in some pretty abusive relationships too.

728
00:46:58.680 --> 00:46:59.720
I get it.

729
00:47:01.880 --> 00:47:06.280
This is, God's not here to fix us, he's here to heal us.

730
00:47:09.480 --> 00:47:13.520
But I like what you said, there's balance.

731
00:47:13.520 --> 00:47:16.080
Balance is key in all of this.

732
00:47:17.560 --> 00:47:22.560
That's why we have this community to lean on, so good.

733
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:28.760
All right, I know I kind of left y'all with some heavy stuff,

734
00:47:28.760 --> 00:47:33.760
but I really feel Holy Spirit on what he wants to do

735
00:47:34.520 --> 00:47:37.160
for you ladies in this season of dating.

736
00:47:38.920 --> 00:47:41.480
There's going to be the ups and downs and all of that.

737
00:47:41.480 --> 00:47:46.040
Ladies, I experienced it, but I will tell you,

738
00:47:46.040 --> 00:47:50.520
like this community and being able to share that experience,

739
00:47:50.520 --> 00:47:52.760
there's so much growth that can happen.

740
00:47:54.480 --> 00:47:59.480
And the things I have seen God do in this community,

741
00:47:59.960 --> 00:48:03.480
in love stories, not just in my own,

742
00:48:03.480 --> 00:48:07.840
but in so many other love stories is incredible.

743
00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:11.200
And if he's going to do that for other women

744
00:48:11.200 --> 00:48:14.320
in this community, he won't do that for all of you.

745
00:48:16.520 --> 00:48:18.320
And you're going to look back,

746
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:20.640
like I did this last few days,

747
00:48:20.640 --> 00:48:24.040
look back at where you were and what you were posting about

748
00:48:24.040 --> 00:48:28.240
and what you shared and what experiences you had on dates

749
00:48:28.240 --> 00:48:31.080
and questions that you had.

750
00:48:31.080 --> 00:48:32.880
I had questions about the faith.

751
00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:35.440
When do I know if this guy's like walking

752
00:48:35.440 --> 00:48:36.840
in the same faith as me?

753
00:48:38.560 --> 00:48:40.440
And it was like, before I went on a date with him,

754
00:48:40.440 --> 00:48:43.840
I'm like, I need to know if he's a follower of Jesus.

755
00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:45.520
And so like, I get it.

756
00:48:45.520 --> 00:48:47.720
Like, I have those same questions.

757
00:48:48.720 --> 00:48:51.200
You know, same questions about how God like,

758
00:48:51.200 --> 00:48:53.480
why is this guy not contacting me?

759
00:48:53.480 --> 00:48:57.200
Like all the things, all the things that you ask, ladies,

760
00:48:57.200 --> 00:48:59.600
I ask those same questions and I have proof

761
00:48:59.600 --> 00:49:02.080
because I went back at my receipt

762
00:49:02.080 --> 00:49:04.080
then I looked at them all and I was like,

763
00:49:04.080 --> 00:49:07.440
dang, that happens.

764
00:49:08.440 --> 00:49:10.120
But now I'm on the other side of it, ladies.

765
00:49:10.120 --> 00:49:12.960
And I get to pour that into you and let you all know

766
00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:16.480
like so much growth and God is so good.

767
00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:20.400
And he's just gonna do some awesome things, okay?

768
00:49:20.400 --> 00:49:23.200
All right, Kelly, hopefully I've given you enough time.

769
00:49:23.200 --> 00:49:24.040
I want you to unmute

770
00:49:24.040 --> 00:49:27.880
because I know that you wanna share what's going on.

771
00:49:27.880 --> 00:49:30.480
I hope that what I've spoken on today

772
00:49:30.480 --> 00:49:32.800
maybe has spoken into the situation

773
00:49:32.800 --> 00:49:34.560
that you were gonna share about,

774
00:49:34.560 --> 00:49:35.840
but I wanna know your thoughts.

775
00:49:35.840 --> 00:49:37.880
I wanna know what's going on.

776
00:49:37.880 --> 00:49:41.040
Yes, that's actually exactly the situation I'm in.

777
00:49:41.040 --> 00:49:46.040
So I went on a coffee date with a guy

778
00:49:46.640 --> 00:49:49.680
last week and it was really nice.

779
00:49:49.680 --> 00:49:51.760
And I really had a good time.

780
00:49:51.760 --> 00:49:53.760
He's the second person I've gone out with.

781
00:49:53.760 --> 00:49:56.480
I've gone out with another guy three times.

782
00:49:56.480 --> 00:49:57.320
Okay.

783
00:49:57.320 --> 00:50:00.160
And it was very good.

784
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.320
very nice. Although I wasn't like, again, super thrilled to

785
00:50:05.320 --> 00:50:07.640
go out with him. But I felt like, well, I'm gonna give him a

786
00:50:07.640 --> 00:50:11.840
chance. And he seems like a guy and we have a mutual friend. And

787
00:50:11.840 --> 00:50:17.600
then it was very nice. But then he has been. He texted me after

788
00:50:17.600 --> 00:50:20.700
the coffee date saying, Oh, I decided to go to Costco or

789
00:50:20.700 --> 00:50:23.580
whatever. And I was like, Oh, that's brave of you. Good job,

790
00:50:23.580 --> 00:50:26.880
you know. And then he texted me the next day, make small talk.

791
00:50:27.440 --> 00:50:31.160
And then the next morning, he texted me. I mean, this is after

792
00:50:31.160 --> 00:50:34.720
one coffee. Good morning, Kelly, I hope you have a wonderful day

793
00:50:34.720 --> 00:50:38.400
something about the Lord. Then that afternoon, he texted me

794
00:50:38.400 --> 00:50:41.600
again. And then that night, and then it's been every morning and

795
00:50:41.600 --> 00:50:46.840
every night. And at first, and we in the course of our coffee, I

796
00:50:46.840 --> 00:50:51.200
explained that I was just getting to know people and going

797
00:50:51.200 --> 00:50:54.320
very slow. And he even made the comment. Yeah, because you don't

798
00:50:54.320 --> 00:50:57.200
want to rush into anything. And I was like, exactly. I'm just

799
00:50:57.200 --> 00:51:01.400
really trying to get to know people as friends. And, and I

800
00:51:01.400 --> 00:51:05.720
didn't say I'm dating other people, or I'm going on coffee

801
00:51:05.720 --> 00:51:07.480
dates with people. I just said, I'm just trying to get to know

802
00:51:07.480 --> 00:51:13.000
people as friends. So now, he's call he's texting at the date,

803
00:51:13.000 --> 00:51:16.960
he asked, he said, I'm going to get off of Facebook dating. Can

804
00:51:16.960 --> 00:51:21.720
I get your phone number? And I said, Yeah, I said, but I don't

805
00:51:21.720 --> 00:51:24.760
have a whole lot of time for talking on the phone right now.

806
00:51:25.200 --> 00:51:29.040
Because I do have an extremely busy life. And in turn, I'm also

807
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:32.680
trying to meet other people and online communicate with other

808
00:51:32.680 --> 00:51:35.720
people. And this was just one coffee. And I had already

809
00:51:35.720 --> 00:51:39.480
agreed in the course of the date, he said, Well, when we go on our

810
00:51:39.480 --> 00:51:41.520
second date, and he's like, Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have

811
00:51:41.520 --> 00:51:45.760
assumed. And I said, No, we can have a second date. Yeah. And so

812
00:51:45.800 --> 00:51:48.760
to me, I'm like, yeah, we're gonna have another date. Well,

813
00:51:48.760 --> 00:51:54.640
now he's been texting every morning and night, sending not

814
00:51:54.640 --> 00:51:58.120
inappropriate, but like, texts that you would send to a

815
00:51:58.120 --> 00:52:04.040
boyfriend or girlfriend, you know. And I feel like that was

816
00:52:04.040 --> 00:52:07.120
Thursday when our coffee was we have a date lined up for

817
00:52:07.120 --> 00:52:12.280
Saturday. But I'm starting to feel extremely turned off by him

818
00:52:12.440 --> 00:52:16.760
texting. And like, I started I stopped answering like at first,

819
00:52:16.760 --> 00:52:19.840
I would just answer with a polite, but curt, a short

820
00:52:19.840 --> 00:52:25.520
answer, and not ask another question. And even in the in our

821
00:52:25.520 --> 00:52:27.920
date, when I mentioned about like, not really wanting, I'm

822
00:52:27.920 --> 00:52:30.760
not really don't want to talk on the phone a lot right now. He's

823
00:52:30.760 --> 00:52:33.880
like, Well, that's kind of the thing, you know, when you're our

824
00:52:33.880 --> 00:52:37.640
age, we're busy, but you have to make time to get to know people.

825
00:52:37.680 --> 00:52:41.360
And I said, Absolutely. Again, I didn't want to say I'm making

826
00:52:41.360 --> 00:52:43.640
time for a lot of people. So I don't have a whole lot of time

827
00:52:43.640 --> 00:52:46.080
for you. That's the thing is like, you don't you don't have

828
00:52:46.080 --> 00:52:48.600
to say it. So I don't think there's any pressure that you

829
00:52:48.600 --> 00:52:49.960
have to express that.

830
00:52:50.440 --> 00:52:54.280
I guess what's hard is I don't have a date set. I'm perfectly

831
00:52:54.280 --> 00:52:57.440
comfortable having this conversation. But I prefer to do

832
00:52:57.440 --> 00:53:01.280
it in person. Yeah. But he's gonna make me want to not go on

833
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:05.520
the date at all. If he keeps up this, like, okay, every day.

834
00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:09.400
There's a couple things because I know you're short on time. And

835
00:53:09.400 --> 00:53:13.840
so I want to make sure that I respond to you. So what I heard

836
00:53:13.840 --> 00:53:17.800
you say is that you communicated to him when he asked you for

837
00:53:17.840 --> 00:53:21.560
your number, that you said you don't have a lot of time to talk

838
00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:25.760
for phone calls, or phone calls. And then I said, he's starting

839
00:53:25.760 --> 00:53:29.840
to text now. Yeah. And I and what I said was, let's just get

840
00:53:29.840 --> 00:53:32.880
together instead. It was like, I don't want to talk for two hours

841
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:34.480
on the phone. Let's just have coffee.

842
00:53:34.520 --> 00:53:39.240
You know, this, this is where again, like, you're, what week

843
00:53:39.240 --> 00:53:40.960
are you in on phase two?

844
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:44.440
Probably in like the third or fourth week at this point.

845
00:53:44.640 --> 00:53:47.360
Okay, so you haven't watched that boundaries video yet.

846
00:53:47.800 --> 00:53:50.840
Well, I did watch it before I got on the app and started

847
00:53:50.840 --> 00:53:52.680
redoing it. Okay. So I have seen it.

848
00:53:53.040 --> 00:53:55.880
Definitely maybe revisit some of that. I think this is going to

849
00:53:55.880 --> 00:53:58.920
be where you have the opportunity to set some more

850
00:53:58.920 --> 00:54:04.400
clear, communicate more clear boundaries. And I think it's the

851
00:54:04.400 --> 00:54:07.240
going on the date and setting that up. Because here's the

852
00:54:07.240 --> 00:54:11.200
thing, we may think we're setting a clear boundary, but

853
00:54:11.200 --> 00:54:13.280
they may not hear the boundary.

854
00:54:13.840 --> 00:54:21.120
I guess my specific question was, how, what lane? I'd rather

855
00:54:21.120 --> 00:54:25.320
wait and do this face to face. But he's not giving me that

856
00:54:25.320 --> 00:54:29.120
opportunity because he's texting nonstop. So if I need to have a

857
00:54:29.120 --> 00:54:33.520
conversation now, over the phone, which I'm not really that

858
00:54:33.520 --> 00:54:36.640
comfortable with, could you give me some language and how to

859
00:54:36.640 --> 00:54:40.520
address it while also trying to be gracious and give him a

860
00:54:40.520 --> 00:54:43.600
chance? Because really, I want to cut him off. But I'm trying

861
00:54:43.600 --> 00:54:47.480
to I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna press you maybe not to

862
00:54:47.480 --> 00:54:51.760
cut and run just yet. Well, I'm trying not to that's not your

863
00:54:51.760 --> 00:54:54.520
spirit mate. We're cool with that. We're cool. If he's not

864
00:54:54.520 --> 00:54:56.760
your spirit mate, we're not even going to think about whether he

865
00:54:56.760 --> 00:55:00.040
is or is not. We're going to look at this as an opportunity

866
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.760
to grow and kind of, cause I'm hearing, I'm hearing you're uncomfortable.

867
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:07.160
I'm hearing, I'm curious.

868
00:55:07.160 --> 00:55:10.400
Have you taken, uh, the attachment style quiz?

869
00:55:12.080 --> 00:55:16.840
I am an anxious attacher, which is why I'm asking for input on how to give him

870
00:55:16.840 --> 00:55:18.720
grace and continue to give him a chance.

871
00:55:18.720 --> 00:55:22.720
So, yeah, so I've already intended to continue giving him a chance, but I

872
00:55:22.720 --> 00:55:28.400
need some language because so here's where I will, ladies, I will, I will be

873
00:55:28.400 --> 00:55:32.000
very, um, forward with this ladies.

874
00:55:32.000 --> 00:55:34.280
We have to communicate out of honesty.

875
00:55:34.320 --> 00:55:40.320
We have to not be on guard, but we're practicing a feminine soft spirit,

876
00:55:41.120 --> 00:55:44.640
but be open, be honest with him.

877
00:55:44.720 --> 00:55:51.120
Hey, um, I'm new to this dating, you know, I'm trying to do things differently.

878
00:55:51.440 --> 00:55:56.040
You might even share I'm in this program, I'm in this mentorship where

879
00:55:56.040 --> 00:55:58.480
I'm learning new practices for dating.

880
00:55:58.520 --> 00:56:00.640
I'm learning to pace myself.

881
00:56:01.040 --> 00:56:08.080
I'm learning to get to know people and, um, I've enjoyed, you know, getting

882
00:56:08.080 --> 00:56:14.120
to know you, but I'm starting to feel some anxiousness with how our interactions

883
00:56:14.120 --> 00:56:21.120
are, um, and then say, I was very, um, I want to communicate that.

884
00:56:21.760 --> 00:56:23.160
I need this to go slow.

885
00:56:23.200 --> 00:56:27.680
I don't really particularly like the back and forth and a lot of texting.

886
00:56:28.400 --> 00:56:31.320
Do you think it would be okay if we scale that back?

887
00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:36.160
I want to spend time getting to know you, but I'm worried that if I don't

888
00:56:36.160 --> 00:56:42.200
communicate what my needs and my wants are that, um, I'm going to get too

889
00:56:42.200 --> 00:56:45.600
anxious and I'm going to miss out on an opportunity to get to know who you

890
00:56:45.600 --> 00:56:52.160
really are and set those boundaries, be very clear and honest.

891
00:56:52.760 --> 00:56:54.720
Hey, I'm new at this.

892
00:56:55.640 --> 00:56:59.560
Um, I'm trying to communicate that I'm feeling a little anxious.

893
00:56:59.600 --> 00:57:01.360
I don't want to rush into things.

894
00:57:01.960 --> 00:57:07.680
Um, you know, even be honest, say, Hey, there's you text a lot and

895
00:57:07.680 --> 00:57:10.120
I'm not sure how I'm to take it.

896
00:57:10.160 --> 00:57:12.320
It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

897
00:57:13.040 --> 00:57:13.320
Okay.

898
00:57:13.520 --> 00:57:15.160
I don't feel like they may be.

899
00:57:15.160 --> 00:57:17.680
And, and I'm, and I'm not trying to put words in your mouth.

900
00:57:17.760 --> 00:57:17.960
This.

901
00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:22.320
So if, if some of this doesn't seem like what you actually do intent, like

902
00:57:22.320 --> 00:57:26.920
feel, or I would be like, I'm feeling like I'm not being heard.

903
00:57:27.720 --> 00:57:28.200
Yeah.

904
00:57:28.320 --> 00:57:29.480
And I don't feel anxious.

905
00:57:29.480 --> 00:57:33.800
I feel turned off, but I'm trying to give him that you're turned.

906
00:57:34.280 --> 00:57:38.400
No, I'm not going to be an anxious attacher too.

907
00:57:38.480 --> 00:57:39.280
He is.

908
00:57:39.320 --> 00:57:43.400
And I'm feeling that and I'm just trying to figure out a nice way.

909
00:57:43.480 --> 00:57:46.200
That's why I want to give him grace because I understand.

910
00:57:47.000 --> 00:57:54.120
I always think community is so much, you know, if we approach it with a soft,

911
00:57:54.680 --> 00:58:02.640
honest, sincere heart, you now give them an opportunity to respond to your

912
00:58:02.640 --> 00:58:05.240
sincerity, as long as again, like.

913
00:58:05.640 --> 00:58:05.880
Right.

914
00:58:06.440 --> 00:58:10.760
Like pray before you have the conversation, ask the Lord to, you

915
00:58:10.760 --> 00:58:16.800
know, give you the words, the softness, the, the, you know, the intentionality

916
00:58:16.800 --> 00:58:20.480
of that and the grace to do that.

917
00:58:20.480 --> 00:58:22.400
Cause God can give us the grace for that.

918
00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:27.360
And at that point, if you have done your part of being honest, sincere, gracious,

919
00:58:27.360 --> 00:58:32.920
and that's your heart posture, how he responds now is going to be on him.

920
00:58:33.400 --> 00:58:33.760
Yeah.

921
00:58:34.080 --> 00:58:36.400
Opportunity for you to see.

922
00:58:37.760 --> 00:58:40.920
Is he willing to reciprocate that same thing?

923
00:58:41.400 --> 00:58:43.320
Yeah, go a couple of different ways.

924
00:58:43.320 --> 00:58:44.680
He could be like, Oh my goodness.

925
00:58:44.680 --> 00:58:45.840
Like, I'm really sorry.

926
00:58:46.160 --> 00:58:47.000
Absolutely.

927
00:58:47.000 --> 00:58:48.280
I'll scale this back.

928
00:58:48.280 --> 00:58:50.320
I didn't mean to make you feel that way.

929
00:58:50.680 --> 00:58:52.480
Um, what would work for you?

930
00:58:52.520 --> 00:58:54.000
Let's set up a date.

931
00:58:54.400 --> 00:58:56.000
How's this Saturday work?

932
00:58:56.920 --> 00:58:58.240
He could do all of those things.

933
00:58:58.240 --> 00:59:01.800
He could be like, snap off on you.

934
00:59:01.880 --> 00:59:02.720
I don't know.

935
00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:03.480
Yeah.

936
00:59:03.680 --> 00:59:05.760
I've seen guys do that before too.

937
00:59:06.080 --> 00:59:11.480
And at that point, if they respond in that way and they don't respect the

938
00:59:11.480 --> 00:59:19.240
boundary, then you have more information and then you can choose to go and

939
00:59:19.240 --> 00:59:20.560
how you want to move forward.

940
00:59:21.120 --> 00:59:24.920
That's more what it feels like, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the

941
00:59:24.920 --> 00:59:27.880
doubt that he's just being anxious.

942
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:31.840
And again, like I've already had this conversation with somebody

943
00:59:31.840 --> 00:59:33.360
else and it worked out great.

944
00:59:33.720 --> 00:59:34.000
Yep.

945
00:59:34.120 --> 00:59:40.240
But I felt like he's, we had one coffee and it was nice, but then all

946
00:59:40.240 --> 00:59:42.560
of a sudden it's been nonstop.

947
00:59:43.080 --> 00:59:47.840
And so it's really like very overwhelming, you know, usually people wait a couple

948
00:59:47.840 --> 00:59:51.680
of days and then they check in and, Oh yeah, you know, I had a similar

949
00:59:51.680 --> 00:59:53.200
experience that happened with me.

950
00:59:53.200 --> 00:59:56.880
I think, you know, some of you ladies might recall, like I had one guy, I went

951
00:59:56.880 --> 01:00:00.040
on like three dates with, and I ended up having to kind of really.

952
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.160
him and I wasn't sure he was such a great guy, super nice, but he just pushed that boundary.

953
01:00:06.160 --> 01:00:14.400
Yes. Ready to kind of go all in and he was like all for it. And I think about it, but I, I, I,

954
01:00:14.400 --> 01:00:20.960
I waited it out at least for three dates. We had a fourth date set up. He pressed a little bit more.

955
01:00:20.960 --> 01:00:26.160
He wanted to do a Bible study with me and ladies. I mean, this is a whole nother teaching that we

956
01:00:26.160 --> 01:00:32.560
can do on. We don't advise you diving into the spiritual stuff with someone in a level one and

957
01:00:32.560 --> 01:00:40.640
level two. Like don't do the, like we, we advise you ladies not to pray with or do Bible studies

958
01:00:40.640 --> 01:00:45.600
with any man that you are not in a level three exclusive relationship with. So I was not an

959
01:00:45.600 --> 01:00:49.680
exclusive relationship with this dude and he wanted to have Bible study. I didn't, I felt

960
01:00:49.680 --> 01:00:56.960
like he was kind of leaning on me more than what I felt comfortable with because I wanted him to

961
01:00:56.960 --> 01:01:01.760
have his own walk with the Lord. I didn't want him leaning on me for that because for me, it was

962
01:01:01.760 --> 01:01:09.520
important that I had a man that was going to lead his home spiritually in a way. I think women and

963
01:01:09.520 --> 01:01:15.600
men, like, especially when you have kids, I think women spiritually can lead a family in certain

964
01:01:15.600 --> 01:01:20.320
ways. And I think men can do the same thing. I needed that balance. I didn't feel that balance

965
01:01:20.320 --> 01:01:28.160
from him. And so I had to kind of cut it off. I gave him three dates though. He was very much like,

966
01:01:28.880 --> 01:01:35.360
you know, all about me. He was super nice. He was super intentional. He really did make me feel

967
01:01:35.360 --> 01:01:41.600
cherished and that I was special, which was good. Cause I didn't always feel that. I always felt

968
01:01:41.600 --> 01:01:47.760
like I had to force men to make me feel that way. I was very codependent. And so it was nice to not

969
01:01:47.760 --> 01:01:53.760
feel like I needed that, but he just offered it, but it was coming from unhealthy places in him.

970
01:01:55.040 --> 01:02:05.200
And so, but again, I, I always tell you ladies two to three dates before you say it's a hard,

971
01:02:05.200 --> 01:02:12.400
no. Now, obviously if they are inappropriate, they're abusive. If they're rude and harsh,

972
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:16.560
they're not respectful. I mean, there's all certain things. There's obviously exceptions

973
01:02:17.680 --> 01:02:23.760
to the hard no. Okay. But that's why we tell you ladies come to community. Cause we'll tell you

974
01:02:23.760 --> 01:02:28.960
like, Whoa, this is a hard, no, this is a blessing block situation. Don't give this guy a time of day.

975
01:02:28.960 --> 01:02:34.640
But a lot of times it can be, well, let's let's, this is yellow. Let's see if that yellow flag

976
01:02:34.640 --> 01:02:41.600
turns green or if it turns red. Okay. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Keep us posted with

977
01:02:41.600 --> 01:02:49.600
what happens. Okay. Okay. All right. Thank you, Kelly. Bye. Awesome. Okay. Ladies.

978
01:02:50.400 --> 01:02:57.200
So I know Kelly has to jump off of work. I, now that we've gone through that one coaching set,

979
01:02:57.200 --> 01:03:04.720
like person here. And I've done some of the teaching. Does anybody have questions? I think

980
01:03:04.720 --> 01:03:10.800
Lily was on here earlier, but she jumped off. I know she wanted some ideas about how to have

981
01:03:10.800 --> 01:03:16.400
conversation. So hopefully maybe she can jump on it a little later because we can always go over

982
01:03:16.400 --> 01:03:22.480
that. If you ladies think it will be helpful. But I want to open the floor to you ladies.

983
01:03:22.480 --> 01:03:27.920
What's going on? I see a few of you. I've seen you all posting in the community.

984
01:03:27.920 --> 01:03:34.000
I know Crystal, you've posted. I want to celebrate what happened for you. That was really awesome.

985
01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:41.600
Your win of this week. I'm, I'm just really excited for you. I know Colette, you've been

986
01:03:41.600 --> 01:03:48.560
posting in community. Lavina, I've seen you post. Melissa, I think you've posted before in the app,

987
01:03:48.560 --> 01:03:54.880
right? This week. Good, good, good. Awesome. Well, I love it. Ladies keep doing that. So

988
01:03:54.880 --> 01:03:58.960
Melissa, you've got your hand raised. So what's your question? What's your feedback? What's,

989
01:03:58.960 --> 01:04:04.480
what's, what's going on in your mind right now? Well, I mean, I had a similar situation

990
01:04:05.440 --> 01:04:11.200
that she was talking about because last week I met up with this guy. He actually initially

991
01:04:11.200 --> 01:04:17.600
wanted to have dinner with me, but last week with my custody, my son, he's almost an adult,

992
01:04:17.600 --> 01:04:22.480
but he's still, he's a senior in high school. We do one week on and one week off. Like,

993
01:04:22.480 --> 01:04:27.680
so he's with his dad one week, then he's with me. So last week was his week with me. And I didn't

994
01:04:27.680 --> 01:04:33.840
initially know his work schedule when the person had asked me about going to dinner on Thursday,

995
01:04:33.840 --> 01:04:39.920
because his schedule comes out on Saturdays. And so he wasn't working. So I wasn't planning on

996
01:04:39.920 --> 01:04:45.040
going to a dinner because that's my time to spend with my son. So I didn't want to

997
01:04:45.920 --> 01:04:49.760
tell that explanation because I'm learning that's too much information. He doesn't need

998
01:04:49.760 --> 01:04:54.400
to know about my custody situation. Yeah. Cause have you, you guys have gone on,

999
01:04:54.400 --> 01:04:57.440
how many dates have you gone on? No, we hadn't went on any dates yet.

1000
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:00.600
Yeah, that's good.

1001
01:05:00.600 --> 01:05:02.500
Just waiting for a proper time.

1002
01:05:02.520 --> 01:05:02.800
Yep.

1003
01:05:02.960 --> 01:05:03.520
Absolutely.

1004
01:05:03.600 --> 01:05:05.840
I just said that I had a family obligation.

1005
01:05:05.840 --> 01:05:08.280
I would not be able to go to dinner.

1006
01:05:08.480 --> 01:05:12.120
And he was like, well, what about if we just meet a little bit before

1007
01:05:12.120 --> 01:05:17.060
that, because his, what he invited me to do was go to a restaurant where

1008
01:05:17.060 --> 01:05:21.160
there was a, the sugar bowl was on and to have some drinks or eat appetizers

1009
01:05:21.160 --> 01:05:26.480
or whatever, um, so I was like, okay, well, I thought about it and I actually

1010
01:05:26.480 --> 01:05:29.720
had some errands that I needed to do cause it was near a mall, so I went

1011
01:05:29.720 --> 01:05:31.100
ahead and I said, well, I can do that.

1012
01:05:31.100 --> 01:05:32.320
I have some errands nearby.

1013
01:05:32.320 --> 01:05:33.880
I can slip by for a moment.

1014
01:05:34.880 --> 01:05:38.040
Um, so I'd already explained that I had an obligation.

1015
01:05:38.040 --> 01:05:39.680
So we're there and we're talking.

1016
01:05:40.680 --> 01:05:44.460
Well, come to find out, he actually went to the same high school that I went to

1017
01:05:44.460 --> 01:05:46.440
before my parents got divorced and moved.

1018
01:05:47.120 --> 01:05:50.120
And then the more I talk with him, I realized that he was my first

1019
01:05:50.120 --> 01:05:51.560
cousins, like best friend.

1020
01:05:51.560 --> 01:05:55.780
Like I remembered when he told me his last name, I remember, and I'm like,

1021
01:05:55.820 --> 01:05:57.900
oh, and, and he was like, yeah.

1022
01:05:57.900 --> 01:06:01.760
And he even knew my cousin's like, um, nickname.

1023
01:06:01.760 --> 01:06:03.540
So he wasn't like making it up and stuff.

1024
01:06:03.820 --> 01:06:06.900
But to me, I was just feeling like God set this up for me.

1025
01:06:06.900 --> 01:06:10.220
So this was my first date since my divorce.

1026
01:06:10.220 --> 01:06:12.980
And I, so it's been like 20 years since I went out on a date.

1027
01:06:13.420 --> 01:06:16.240
So I was just thinking God was helping me.

1028
01:06:16.240 --> 01:06:19.700
So I would not be like stressed out because I don't need to be worried

1029
01:06:19.700 --> 01:06:20.980
that it's a murder or whatever.

1030
01:06:20.980 --> 01:06:21.500
You know what I mean?

1031
01:06:22.100 --> 01:06:29.480
Like, and I was enjoying myself and I liked his personality, like how, how he

1032
01:06:29.480 --> 01:06:34.020
was, um, but then when I left, he seemed pretty cool with it.

1033
01:06:34.020 --> 01:06:36.180
I was like, cause he was like, when do you need to leave?

1034
01:06:36.180 --> 01:06:39.020
I'm like, I said, well, actually I should have left like 15 minutes ago.

1035
01:06:39.020 --> 01:06:39.540
I told him.

1036
01:06:40.280 --> 01:06:45.460
And so I stayed a few more moments and then I left and I was really only

1037
01:06:45.460 --> 01:06:48.420
there like 30, maybe 40 minutes at the top.

1038
01:06:48.420 --> 01:06:49.320
So I did feel bad.

1039
01:06:49.320 --> 01:06:51.680
That was like a really quick, but he was planning on being there.

1040
01:06:51.680 --> 01:06:53.240
So I wasn't feeling bad about that.

1041
01:06:53.800 --> 01:06:58.440
But anyway, I don't even get to my car and he's already texting me through the

1042
01:06:58.440 --> 01:07:03.080
app, like, oh, I, by the way, I think you're really attractive.

1043
01:07:03.080 --> 01:07:07.280
And then he sends me this thing saying he loves my personality and loves that

1044
01:07:07.280 --> 01:07:10.840
when I approached him that I shook his hand, like I thought, okay, that's, to

1045
01:07:10.840 --> 01:07:12.080
me, that's just normal things you do.

1046
01:07:12.080 --> 01:07:20.000
And I, I just go about my business, but I had told him that I would text him when

1047
01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:24.280
I got home because he had all the men I'm meeting on these apps right away.

1048
01:07:24.280 --> 01:07:27.160
They're like, just text me at this number, which I'm not doing.

1049
01:07:27.680 --> 01:07:29.800
And yeah, I know.

1050
01:07:29.800 --> 01:07:32.920
And I get that 100%, like it is.

1051
01:07:32.920 --> 01:07:34.760
There's some guys that are very forward.

1052
01:07:34.760 --> 01:07:41.800
And yeah, with time, I think again, for me, it took me time to warm up to that.

1053
01:07:41.800 --> 01:07:46.760
So ladies, if any of you are experiencing that, just know, give yourself time to

1054
01:07:46.760 --> 01:07:52.720
warm up to the dating scene, especially online, where I wouldn't say be a hard

1055
01:07:52.720 --> 01:07:54.800
know that you're not going to exchange your number.

1056
01:07:55.120 --> 01:08:00.360
Um, now what we do express you ladies get, get Google voice, get a Google number so

1057
01:08:00.360 --> 01:08:05.560
that you're not giving out your personal number until you've gotten to know them.

1058
01:08:06.240 --> 01:08:09.800
Or just say, Hey, I'm not comfortable giving out my number, but let's jump on a

1059
01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:10.200
zoom.

1060
01:08:10.600 --> 01:08:10.960
Yeah.

1061
01:08:11.080 --> 01:08:12.200
Let's do a face to face.

1062
01:08:12.400 --> 01:08:19.240
You'll, as you, as you get, as you get more experience, it will come more natural.

1063
01:08:19.640 --> 01:08:20.200
Okay.

1064
01:08:20.359 --> 01:08:24.439
So with the reason why I was saying this, so since I, I felt comfortable giving him

1065
01:08:24.479 --> 01:08:27.200
my number after I knew, cause I'm from a small town.

1066
01:08:27.200 --> 01:08:32.200
So once I do, I'm like, it was somebody that you knew there was some community

1067
01:08:32.200 --> 01:08:32.960
connection there.

1068
01:08:33.439 --> 01:08:36.720
So I said, when I get home, I will send you my number.

1069
01:08:37.920 --> 01:08:39.640
Well, I guess he had a timeframe.

1070
01:08:39.640 --> 01:08:41.040
He's already putting on the app.

1071
01:08:41.439 --> 01:08:44.240
Well, I guess you're turned off because you realize we know so many of the same

1072
01:08:44.240 --> 01:08:46.439
people and it's going like that direction.

1073
01:08:46.720 --> 01:08:48.040
He's got some insecurities.

1074
01:08:48.040 --> 01:08:50.080
I think he was trying to be intentional.

1075
01:08:50.080 --> 01:08:51.560
I think he really likes you.

1076
01:08:52.080 --> 01:08:52.560
Thank you.

1077
01:08:52.640 --> 01:08:54.439
You know, you're an attractive woman.

1078
01:08:54.479 --> 01:08:56.359
You are very personable.

1079
01:08:56.720 --> 01:08:58.600
You can hold a conversation.

1080
01:08:59.319 --> 01:09:01.600
And so that's a very attractive.

1081
01:09:01.720 --> 01:09:05.600
And so it sounds like he was interested.

1082
01:09:06.319 --> 01:09:06.960
Okay.

1083
01:09:07.279 --> 01:09:12.560
But it sounds like he also may be an anxious attacher and may have some

1084
01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:13.399
insecurities.

1085
01:09:13.439 --> 01:09:16.000
I wouldn't say cut and run.

1086
01:09:16.880 --> 01:09:23.880
I would practice grace, practice getting to know him, um, practice boundaries,

1087
01:09:24.399 --> 01:09:31.840
practice your communication, discover what you like about his character and

1088
01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:32.319
quality.

1089
01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:36.319
Are there things about him that are attractive?

1090
01:09:37.000 --> 01:09:37.240
Okay.

1091
01:09:37.240 --> 01:09:38.800
Not just physical attraction.

1092
01:09:38.880 --> 01:09:39.160
Okay.

1093
01:09:39.479 --> 01:09:43.200
When I say that, just know, like, you'll hear me say that often.

1094
01:09:43.200 --> 01:09:45.240
I'm not always talking about physical attraction.

1095
01:09:45.240 --> 01:09:48.120
A lot of times I'm not talking about physical attraction, talking about

1096
01:09:48.120 --> 01:09:53.200
characteristics and attributes and qualities about a person that draw you in

1097
01:09:53.520 --> 01:09:58.160
that you are like interested in them, that you find endearing.

1098
01:09:58.240 --> 01:09:58.840
Okay.

1099
01:09:59.240 --> 01:09:59.760
So.

1100
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.580
Look for some of that fruit there, see if there is some.

1101
01:10:03.580 --> 01:10:06.000
If there's some things that come up that you're like,

1102
01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:09.160
this, I don't like this, I don't like this.

1103
01:10:09.160 --> 01:10:12.640
Or maybe even be processing, Lord,

1104
01:10:14.020 --> 01:10:16.600
when he does this or says this or responds to this,

1105
01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:19.980
this is what is getting brought up in my spirit.

1106
01:10:19.980 --> 01:10:20.820
Right.

1107
01:10:20.820 --> 01:10:22.640
Some areas that I can heal from.

1108
01:10:22.640 --> 01:10:26.560
How can this man help me, this date, this opportunity,

1109
01:10:26.640 --> 01:10:30.140
help me in my own growth and healing and preparation?

1110
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:32.960
And that's what I was trying because,

1111
01:10:32.960 --> 01:10:37.400
so with my divorce, my ex-husband, he has,

1112
01:10:37.400 --> 01:10:38.680
I don't call him a narcissist

1113
01:10:38.680 --> 01:10:39.760
because you're not supposed to do that,

1114
01:10:39.760 --> 01:10:42.440
but he has a lot of narcissistic traits.

1115
01:10:42.440 --> 01:10:45.240
So some of what this guy has been texting me

1116
01:10:45.240 --> 01:10:46.880
is reminding me of that.

1117
01:10:46.880 --> 01:10:48.560
But I know that not everybody

1118
01:10:48.560 --> 01:10:52.320
that is saying these quotes is a narcissist.

1119
01:10:52.320 --> 01:10:54.000
But like even this morning,

1120
01:10:55.720 --> 01:10:58.500
he had texted me on my phone number last night

1121
01:10:58.500 --> 01:11:01.280
and I had a migraine and I fell asleep by accident.

1122
01:11:01.280 --> 01:11:03.360
So I just like was trying to tell him

1123
01:11:03.360 --> 01:11:05.120
that I wasn't ignoring him.

1124
01:11:05.120 --> 01:11:07.200
And he brought up, he called himself ugly

1125
01:11:07.200 --> 01:11:10.880
and he put it in quotation marks, but not currently.

1126
01:11:10.880 --> 01:11:13.880
He says, now that you remember the young me,

1127
01:11:13.880 --> 01:11:16.380
the young ugly me, you probably don't want to date me.

1128
01:11:16.380 --> 01:11:20.040
So my ex used to always call himself ugly and stuff to like,

1129
01:11:20.840 --> 01:11:22.760
it, so it was kind of like,

1130
01:11:22.760 --> 01:11:25.120
that's why I thought I needed to discuss it with you guys

1131
01:11:25.120 --> 01:11:27.320
because I don't want to just be basing it off

1132
01:11:27.320 --> 01:11:30.520
of my previous interaction with somebody else

1133
01:11:30.520 --> 01:11:31.440
when it could be different.

1134
01:11:31.440 --> 01:11:33.880
But when I'm around him, he seems really confident.

1135
01:11:33.880 --> 01:11:36.280
That's one of the things I like about him.

1136
01:11:36.280 --> 01:11:37.920
But when he's texting me these things,

1137
01:11:37.920 --> 01:11:40.840
he's done it like three times where he thinks that.

1138
01:11:40.840 --> 01:11:41.960
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.

1139
01:11:41.960 --> 01:11:44.520
That just sounds like he needs some healing.

1140
01:11:44.520 --> 01:11:47.640
Now it's not your job to supply that.

1141
01:11:47.640 --> 01:11:51.080
Okay, ladies, we're not here when we go on dates

1142
01:11:51.080 --> 01:11:53.520
to go sit and fix and help heal men.

1143
01:11:53.520 --> 01:11:58.520
Like that, you don't want to get into that seat.

1144
01:11:59.880 --> 01:12:03.120
But it just seems like maybe there's some areas

1145
01:12:03.120 --> 01:12:05.760
of healing and growth that he needs.

1146
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:08.840
And so as you get to know him, maybe on a second

1147
01:12:08.840 --> 01:12:13.400
or I would say by third date, just ask him.

1148
01:12:14.440 --> 01:12:17.560
I've heard you make comments about yourself

1149
01:12:18.400 --> 01:12:21.680
that are not life-giving.

1150
01:12:22.520 --> 01:12:24.840
You know, what is that?

1151
01:12:24.840 --> 01:12:27.760
Can you, like, why do you think you do that?

1152
01:12:27.760 --> 01:12:28.600
Yeah.

1153
01:12:28.600 --> 01:12:32.040
You know, just ask more questions for clarification

1154
01:12:32.040 --> 01:12:35.680
and see the response.

1155
01:12:35.680 --> 01:12:37.520
Okay, because I already agreed to go.

1156
01:12:37.520 --> 01:12:38.360
I always think this.

1157
01:12:38.360 --> 01:12:41.280
I'm like, well, why did you say that you are ugly?

1158
01:12:41.280 --> 01:12:43.800
Like, why do you not, why do you have,

1159
01:12:44.800 --> 01:12:49.160
why would you think that I wouldn't be interested

1160
01:12:49.160 --> 01:12:50.880
in getting to know you?

1161
01:12:50.880 --> 01:12:54.840
I've only got, you know, we've only been out once or twice.

1162
01:12:54.840 --> 01:12:57.160
Yeah, and I've agreed to go on another date.

1163
01:12:57.160 --> 01:12:59.640
So that's why I don't understand why he's responding

1164
01:12:59.640 --> 01:13:01.320
this way, because if I felt that way,

1165
01:13:01.320 --> 01:13:05.040
I wouldn't be continuing to set up plans with him, you know?

1166
01:13:05.040 --> 01:13:09.000
Yeah, I'd say give it another date, maybe a second one.

1167
01:13:09.000 --> 01:13:12.640
If you continue to kind of see that behavior,

1168
01:13:12.640 --> 01:13:16.520
I think, you know, if you have peace about letting that go

1169
01:13:16.520 --> 01:13:18.960
and just using it as an opportunity,

1170
01:13:18.960 --> 01:13:22.840
I think you brought up some things that he said

1171
01:13:22.840 --> 01:13:26.960
that your former husband said.

1172
01:13:26.960 --> 01:13:29.920
And so maybe that's just God kind of giving you

1173
01:13:29.920 --> 01:13:33.160
a little indication of some more, like, processing

1174
01:13:33.160 --> 01:13:36.080
and healing and growth in that, you know,

1175
01:13:36.080 --> 01:13:38.880
past relationship, kind of maybe, you know,

1176
01:13:38.880 --> 01:13:41.880
going and asking questions about, you know,

1177
01:13:41.920 --> 01:13:46.640
when your former husband did that, what memories come up?

1178
01:13:46.640 --> 01:13:49.560
What, how did it make you feel?

1179
01:13:49.560 --> 01:13:52.760
Yeah, it was so exhausting to me to be in that constant,

1180
01:13:52.760 --> 01:13:56.160
to have to affirm somebody, no, no, I don't think that way.

1181
01:13:56.160 --> 01:14:00.240
So, yeah, and look at that and see, you know, what comes up.

1182
01:14:00.240 --> 01:14:03.160
But it sounds like if this man is gonna continue it,

1183
01:14:03.160 --> 01:14:08.000
I think it's healthy for you to see how, you know,

1184
01:14:08.000 --> 01:14:11.520
you might've been attracted to that previous

1185
01:14:12.160 --> 01:14:14.880
and got involved in that in the past,

1186
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:18.440
but as you come into this new you that's healing

1187
01:14:18.440 --> 01:14:21.120
and is working on your heart,

1188
01:14:21.120 --> 01:14:23.160
that you find that you're not attracted

1189
01:14:23.160 --> 01:14:25.240
to the things that you once were,

1190
01:14:25.240 --> 01:14:26.960
or finding yourself in that,

1191
01:14:26.960 --> 01:14:28.880
ooh, I got Holy Spirit chills on that,

1192
01:14:29.880 --> 01:14:31.800
because that is something that,

1193
01:14:31.800 --> 01:14:34.000
I say that because it happened to me.

1194
01:14:34.000 --> 01:14:34.840
Okay.

1195
01:14:34.840 --> 01:14:37.000
I was so attracted to a lot of unhealthy men

1196
01:14:37.000 --> 01:14:38.640
in my 20s and 30s,

1197
01:14:38.680 --> 01:14:42.320
and God used guys that I was dating

1198
01:14:42.320 --> 01:14:44.640
when I came into this program

1199
01:14:44.640 --> 01:14:48.160
to show me how I was healing and growing,

1200
01:14:48.160 --> 01:14:52.400
because Jackie has shared before,

1201
01:14:52.400 --> 01:14:54.080
and what we say in this community,

1202
01:14:55.360 --> 01:14:58.560
what you believe you become,

1203
01:14:58.560 --> 01:15:00.560
what you become, what attracts you.

1204
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.800
act. So I had this belief of insecurities and all these things and unhealthy stuff.

1205
01:15:06.800 --> 01:15:13.040
I was breaking off those beliefs, replacing it with God's truth. Guess what? I started

1206
01:15:13.040 --> 01:15:19.640
attracting healthier men. I was starting to find that I was less attractive to the unhealthy

1207
01:15:19.640 --> 01:15:26.440
ones. Ladies, I was attracted to all the unhealthy. If that guy was unhealthy, sign me up. If

1208
01:15:26.440 --> 01:15:35.480
the guy was healthy, next. I was chasing after all the unhealthy guys. God used this community

1209
01:15:35.480 --> 01:15:43.120
and the guys I dated to show me I was not that old person anymore. I was being transformed.

1210
01:15:43.120 --> 01:15:50.400
I was being made new. God was coming in and healing my heart. That could possibly be what's

1211
01:15:50.400 --> 01:15:58.480
happening for you. So just ponder on that. Spend some time with Holy Spirit on it. Keep

1212
01:15:58.480 --> 01:16:06.280
us posted. Still communicate. Give yourself maybe another date, three dates tops. See

1213
01:16:06.280 --> 01:16:12.800
what's coming up, what memories you have, what's being exposed. What's God showing you?

1214
01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:18.040
What invitation is he giving you? Okay. All right. Thank you. I'm going to go out. I'm

1215
01:16:18.040 --> 01:16:26.680
going to meet someone else tonight so I can come air the interactions. Yeah, ladies have fun.

1216
01:16:28.960 --> 01:16:32.880
I haven't met him yet, but I feel like he respects my boundaries already more because he gave

1217
01:16:32.880 --> 01:16:39.440
me his phone number initially too. And I never did anything. And later on, he said, well,

1218
01:16:39.440 --> 01:16:43.880
I know I gave you my number before, but it's okay if you just, if you just want to text

1219
01:16:43.880 --> 01:16:50.680
with me on here. So I, I really appreciated that. I didn't even bring it up. So we'll

1220
01:16:50.680 --> 01:16:57.000
see how he is in person. Have fun with it, ladies. Like, uh, yeah, just have, have a

1221
01:16:57.000 --> 01:17:02.280
good time with it. But thank you. I do feel like the gods showed me even from talking

1222
01:17:02.280 --> 01:17:07.040
to people, just what you said, he's, he's already healed some things from my past. People

1223
01:17:07.040 --> 01:17:12.320
have given, um, just their interactions. It's, I don't know how to explain it, but you know

1224
01:17:12.320 --> 01:17:17.360
what I'm talking about? I definitely feel that's what he's doing. So good. Good. I love

1225
01:17:17.360 --> 01:17:23.040
that for you. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you, Melissa. Thank you for sharing crystal. Hey,

1226
01:17:25.040 --> 01:17:28.640
okay. Well, I don't have a dating question. You probably already knew that after last week.

1227
01:17:30.000 --> 01:17:35.440
And I want to preface this and I, just because we talk like this is the dating phase.

1228
01:17:36.000 --> 01:17:39.920
Does it mean that all y'all are going to be dating right this moment? Does it mean that

1229
01:17:39.920 --> 01:17:43.440
there's not breakthrough that you can have in this phase? It doesn't mean that there's not

1230
01:17:43.440 --> 01:17:49.200
something that God can use and show you. Okay. Y'all are on your own journeys here. So crystal,

1231
01:17:49.200 --> 01:17:53.920
I love that. You're still coming with the questions. So what what's going on?

1232
01:17:53.920 --> 01:17:56.720
So I'm just going through the material. We discussed that. I was going to go through the

1233
01:17:56.720 --> 01:18:02.480
material, you know, but I'm still, you know, seeking God and I'm, you know, I have all of

1234
01:18:02.480 --> 01:18:07.280
my best friends are men. So I'm around lots of men. It's not like, I mean, I hate men actually.

1235
01:18:07.280 --> 01:18:15.520
I like, I really like men. So like, Hey, you know, you have a lot of single neighbors, not

1236
01:18:15.520 --> 01:18:19.440
that any of them I would ever be involved with or whatever, you know, they're, we already, I already

1237
01:18:19.440 --> 01:18:22.720
know all their beliefs or whatever, but I mean, I cook for them and I do things and they help me

1238
01:18:22.720 --> 01:18:26.560
and help them. So, you know, we have lots of, I have lots of healthy interactions with practice

1239
01:18:26.560 --> 01:18:32.800
being in your feminine around, around the masculine. Yeah. So, but I was bringing up

1240
01:18:32.800 --> 01:18:38.000
that's been on my mind, you know, as I'm working through the material and stuff like that. And then,

1241
01:18:38.000 --> 01:18:42.400
you know, I told you that I have a little bit of a situation with, with my ex and whatever,

1242
01:18:42.400 --> 01:18:46.960
and I would like to, I would like to date long distance, but I haven't, I haven't even gotten

1243
01:18:46.960 --> 01:18:54.800
to that point yet, but you know, like I, so I have a large calling on my life. Okay. I run

1244
01:18:54.800 --> 01:19:01.280
two large businesses and I am very authentic and real to who I am. So I run two large health and

1245
01:19:01.280 --> 01:19:07.360
wellness businesses. So, I mean, like the only reason I have gray hair was that I shaved my head

1246
01:19:07.360 --> 01:19:13.280
bald. Okay. Because when I did someone's blood analysis here in my office, I was using some

1247
01:19:13.280 --> 01:19:18.160
natural hair dye and they saw it in there. They're like, they asked me to see my blood. So I put it

1248
01:19:18.160 --> 01:19:21.680
up. Cause I, I never have any discretion to describe. I'm like, if they want to see it,

1249
01:19:21.680 --> 01:19:24.960
I'm going to show them anyways. They were like, what's that? I was like, Ooh, that's the natural

1250
01:19:24.960 --> 01:19:29.040
hair dye. So I shaved my head off. I was like, this won't happen again. I was like who I am

1251
01:19:29.040 --> 01:19:34.320
and what I ask you to do. I do myself first before, if I ask you to do something, I always

1252
01:19:34.320 --> 01:19:40.880
do it myself first. I will never ask you to do anything I don't do. So when I made my never,

1253
01:19:40.880 --> 01:19:46.800
will I ever date list? Okay. That's where I want to go with my question. Okay. Because Bethany said,

1254
01:19:46.800 --> 01:19:54.960
you know, she was looking for someone in ministry. Okay. So you know, and I, so my family has always

1255
01:19:54.960 --> 01:19:59.280
like, you know, my parents both passed away suddenly, but they both worked for me and,

1256
01:19:59.280 --> 01:19:59.760
you know, they,

1257
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.120
they kind of supported and came alongside.

1258
01:20:02.120 --> 01:20:05.520
And, you know, like, so, you know, a lot of the, you know,

1259
01:20:05.520 --> 01:20:07.160
when we come into this second phase,

1260
01:20:07.160 --> 01:20:08.720
Jackie's like, you hold food and, you know,

1261
01:20:08.720 --> 01:20:09.560
all this kind of stuff.

1262
01:20:09.560 --> 01:20:11.520
That's just like elemental to me.

1263
01:20:11.520 --> 01:20:12.920
Like, you know, I don't eat wheat.

1264
01:20:12.920 --> 01:20:13.760
I don't eat white sugar.

1265
01:20:13.760 --> 01:20:15.640
I don't eat, you know, I only drink water.

1266
01:20:15.640 --> 01:20:16.640
You know, all of these things

1267
01:20:16.640 --> 01:20:18.480
for my health and wellness business.

1268
01:20:18.480 --> 01:20:23.040
So I had a big list and Bethany was like, you know,

1269
01:20:23.040 --> 01:20:25.800
you should be open-handed with the list.

1270
01:20:25.800 --> 01:20:27.000
Now we didn't go back and discuss it

1271
01:20:27.000 --> 01:20:28.560
because she didn't, we didn't discuss any

1272
01:20:28.560 --> 01:20:29.920
of what we're discussing.

1273
01:20:30.840 --> 01:20:32.600
But how do you, like, for me, right?

1274
01:20:32.600 --> 01:20:34.520
Because like, I'm, I mean, I do,

1275
01:20:34.520 --> 01:20:36.040
I run a huge health and wellness business.

1276
01:20:36.040 --> 01:20:38.240
I don't believe in vaccines, you know.

1277
01:20:38.240 --> 01:20:39.080
Yep.

1278
01:20:39.080 --> 01:20:39.920
Close your ears, ladies.

1279
01:20:39.920 --> 01:20:41.680
If it's not your beliefs, have your own beliefs, whatever.

1280
01:20:41.680 --> 01:20:43.320
I'm not saying do what I do.

1281
01:20:43.320 --> 01:20:46.560
But for me, like someone who wants to vaccinate their kids,

1282
01:20:46.560 --> 01:20:48.360
because one of my God-numbered negotiables

1283
01:20:48.360 --> 01:20:50.320
is that I want to have kids.

1284
01:20:50.320 --> 01:20:52.360
You know, I would like to homeschool and travel

1285
01:20:52.360 --> 01:20:55.000
because I do travel a lot for my business.

1286
01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:57.720
That being said, I am not stuck in my ways.

1287
01:20:57.720 --> 01:20:59.600
I am willing to lay down my business

1288
01:21:00.280 --> 01:21:01.960
and never work again if that's what my husband wants.

1289
01:21:01.960 --> 01:21:04.640
So don't take that from me at all.

1290
01:21:04.640 --> 01:21:08.080
But I still would hold to those beliefs, you know,

1291
01:21:08.080 --> 01:21:09.640
that I wouldn't want my kids vaccinated.

1292
01:21:09.640 --> 01:21:12.400
I do, you know, there is no white sugar in my house.

1293
01:21:12.400 --> 01:21:14.200
You know, you can't get coffee here.

1294
01:21:14.200 --> 01:21:15.720
And when you bring coffee to my office,

1295
01:21:15.720 --> 01:21:18.160
you're asked to leave it in your car.

1296
01:21:18.160 --> 01:21:19.840
You know, that's who I am.

1297
01:21:19.840 --> 01:21:22.560
So as I kind of like think and I read through

1298
01:21:22.560 --> 01:21:24.800
and I see the dates, you know, and stuff like that,

1299
01:21:24.800 --> 01:21:27.360
because I'm like gleaning from everyone's experiences,

1300
01:21:27.360 --> 01:21:30.520
I'm like, how do I navigate through,

1301
01:21:30.520 --> 01:21:32.480
like when I get in there and like,

1302
01:21:32.480 --> 01:21:34.800
because I kind of went through my list again after Bethany,

1303
01:21:34.800 --> 01:21:37.480
I was thinking like, how do you pick apart these things

1304
01:21:37.480 --> 01:21:40.160
that go along with the business?

1305
01:21:40.160 --> 01:21:42.440
And then like, but also like,

1306
01:21:42.440 --> 01:21:45.280
it's a yes until it's a no kind of thing, you know?

1307
01:21:45.280 --> 01:21:50.120
So, and having the open hands, you know, with that.

1308
01:21:50.120 --> 01:21:52.080
But I believe that this is a large calling

1309
01:21:52.080 --> 01:21:53.040
that I have on my life.

1310
01:21:53.040 --> 01:21:54.760
And, you know, at this moment in time,

1311
01:21:54.760 --> 01:21:55.760
I don't feel like it's something

1312
01:21:55.760 --> 01:21:57.760
that God wants me to lay down.

1313
01:21:59.440 --> 01:22:00.560
This is all good.

1314
01:22:00.560 --> 01:22:04.680
A few things are coming up in my spirit to kind of share on,

1315
01:22:05.840 --> 01:22:07.680
because I think a lot of it is about balance.

1316
01:22:07.680 --> 01:22:12.680
And so, I have, we talk often about destiny DNA in here.

1317
01:22:18.640 --> 01:22:22.800
And it sounds that you have an understanding

1318
01:22:22.800 --> 01:22:25.120
of what that destiny DNA is.

1319
01:22:25.560 --> 01:22:28.280
What God has purposed you for,

1320
01:22:28.280 --> 01:22:31.240
what he's pressed on your heart and how important that is.

1321
01:22:31.240 --> 01:22:35.280
I think what you're doing is like, I love it.

1322
01:22:35.280 --> 01:22:38.840
I love hearing when people talk about this kind of business.

1323
01:22:38.840 --> 01:22:43.840
And so, I can relate to what you're expressing.

1324
01:22:44.320 --> 01:22:49.040
And so, it's going to be important for you

1325
01:22:49.040 --> 01:22:52.040
when you are, you know, dating

1326
01:22:52.040 --> 01:22:55.960
and potentially looking at those dates spirit mate,

1327
01:22:55.960 --> 01:23:00.960
is that they are in alignment with your destiny DNA.

1328
01:23:01.240 --> 01:23:06.240
They're gonna share some of the same passions that you do.

1329
01:23:06.280 --> 01:23:08.360
100%, okay?

1330
01:23:08.360 --> 01:23:09.680
Kind of like Bethany talked,

1331
01:23:09.680 --> 01:23:11.880
like she was looking for someone

1332
01:23:11.880 --> 01:23:15.640
who had the destiny DNA themselves with ministry,

1333
01:23:15.640 --> 01:23:17.800
because she knows that was her calling.

1334
01:23:18.720 --> 01:23:21.200
So, she had to be in alignment with someone

1335
01:23:21.200 --> 01:23:26.200
that was going to walk in the same direction that she was.

1336
01:23:26.200 --> 01:23:27.840
Okay?

1337
01:23:27.840 --> 01:23:28.680
That-

1338
01:23:28.680 --> 01:23:31.480
But give me an example of something that was on my list.

1339
01:23:31.480 --> 01:23:34.120
And maybe it's just a trauma from there, okay?

1340
01:23:34.120 --> 01:23:37.560
Because, you know, I trained with a business trainer.

1341
01:23:37.560 --> 01:23:41.680
I am the biggest giver you'll probably ever run into.

1342
01:23:41.680 --> 01:23:44.880
You know, so my goal was I wanted to give someone,

1343
01:23:44.880 --> 01:23:46.360
buy someone a car, just hand them the keys.

1344
01:23:46.360 --> 01:23:48.480
I wanted, I've paid for someone's half a house.

1345
01:23:48.480 --> 01:23:50.920
My next goal is to actually just drop the mortgage

1346
01:23:51.640 --> 01:23:52.760
on someone's house for them, okay?

1347
01:23:52.760 --> 01:23:56.840
So, when I was in my relationship with my ex-fiancee,

1348
01:23:56.840 --> 01:23:59.440
and we weren't married, but we were planning on,

1349
01:23:59.440 --> 01:24:00.520
you know, just coming together

1350
01:24:00.520 --> 01:24:02.040
and putting our finances together.

1351
01:24:02.040 --> 01:24:05.000
Now, I don't say this to sound rude or ignorant

1352
01:24:05.000 --> 01:24:06.960
or big pig-headed,

1353
01:24:06.960 --> 01:24:09.200
but I make an exuberant amount of money, okay?

1354
01:24:09.200 --> 01:24:12.400
So, and we weren't together, we weren't married.

1355
01:24:12.400 --> 01:24:15.440
And at church or whatever with people,

1356
01:24:15.440 --> 01:24:17.840
I mean, sometimes I would just drop

1357
01:24:17.840 --> 01:24:19.720
like large sums of money.

1358
01:24:19.720 --> 01:24:21.480
I've heard Jackie and Davey talk about it

1359
01:24:21.480 --> 01:24:22.920
and how they go back and forth and stuff like this,

1360
01:24:22.920 --> 01:24:24.680
but we weren't married or tied.

1361
01:24:24.680 --> 01:24:25.960
And, you know, this was,

1362
01:24:25.960 --> 01:24:28.560
and every time I would just give, you know,

1363
01:24:28.560 --> 01:24:30.920
like this, like exuberant money to people,

1364
01:24:30.920 --> 01:24:32.680
he wouldn't speak to me for a week.

1365
01:24:33.720 --> 01:24:36.280
So, on my list, I had someone who I have,

1366
01:24:36.280 --> 01:24:37.840
I won't date someone who's not a giver,

1367
01:24:37.840 --> 01:24:39.520
or, you know, a huge tither, you know?

1368
01:24:39.520 --> 01:24:41.760
But is that, is that how to hurt?

1369
01:24:41.760 --> 01:24:43.160
Or is that?

1370
01:24:43.160 --> 01:24:46.800
Like, I think, now, if it starts showing up,

1371
01:24:46.800 --> 01:24:49.440
so that's why when you get into that dating scene,

1372
01:24:50.120 --> 01:24:51.440
because I know we're waiting, okay?

1373
01:24:51.440 --> 01:24:53.040
And I commend you for that.

1374
01:24:53.040 --> 01:24:55.080
Like, I partner with you on that.

1375
01:24:55.960 --> 01:24:58.560
Once you do step into that dating,

1376
01:24:58.560 --> 01:25:00.160
then as situations,

1377
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.320
Occur and happen. There may be some revealing for healings there, but all of the things that you're saying I think are great

1378
01:25:06.320 --> 01:25:11.400
I think you're you're finding, you know, what's important to you what you value we're talking about destiny DNA

1379
01:25:11.400 --> 01:25:15.720
They need to be you know on the same path as you they need to be understanding of

1380
01:25:16.760 --> 01:25:21.040
Your belief of you know health and wellness that's gonna be important

1381
01:25:21.040 --> 01:25:26.320
Like you're gonna want to partner with somebody who finds health and wellness of the same priority that you do

1382
01:25:26.800 --> 01:25:33.000
Because otherwise then it's like it can get mucky right and so same thing like I think you are

1383
01:25:33.400 --> 01:25:35.160
You're seeing what?

1384
01:25:35.160 --> 01:25:37.160
characteristics and qualities are

1385
01:25:37.880 --> 01:25:39.560
attractive to you is

1386
01:25:39.560 --> 01:25:43.480
someone who makes health and wellness a priority someone who has a

1387
01:25:45.520 --> 01:25:48.640
Servant heart a sacrificial giving heart

1388
01:25:49.240 --> 01:25:54.640
That you're gonna see that heart posture in them. And those are things as you date

1389
01:25:55.560 --> 01:26:01.040
You are looking for that fruit doesn't mean that in date number one and date number two

1390
01:26:01.040 --> 01:26:03.040
You're gonna see evidence of that right away

1391
01:26:03.600 --> 01:26:05.600
Okay, so when you get to that point

1392
01:26:06.720 --> 01:26:10.040
That's where we're gonna say keep it loose

1393
01:26:10.440 --> 01:26:15.640
Okay, keep that hand loose about your I will never date someone like this

1394
01:26:16.000 --> 01:26:22.600
Go out on dates with guys that you think you know, I don't think they are on the same path as I am

1395
01:26:23.360 --> 01:26:25.360
Just give it a shot

1396
01:26:25.960 --> 01:26:33.560
You know, I like I said my husband there was this things like I was just like no no and it was you know

1397
01:26:33.560 --> 01:26:34.560
in our

1398
01:26:34.560 --> 01:26:36.560
in our actions and our conversations

1399
01:26:37.440 --> 01:26:44.080
where God was God was moving and God was giving confirmation and showing me how

1400
01:26:44.480 --> 01:26:50.280
He had matched me and my husband in ways that like I would have never been able to force

1401
01:26:50.440 --> 01:26:52.440
And so that's what we're saying is

1402
01:26:52.920 --> 01:26:57.560
Don't be hard set on a no be open to dating ladies

1403
01:26:57.560 --> 01:27:03.480
Some of you are gonna date guys that you know early on even probably before you go on the date

1404
01:27:03.480 --> 01:27:05.480
They're not a love that love connection. I

1405
01:27:06.160 --> 01:27:11.920
Don't know if I've shared this in here with you ladies recently, but I know some of my past ladies know this. I

1406
01:27:13.080 --> 01:27:15.080
took a year to date and

1407
01:27:16.000 --> 01:27:18.940
It was because Jackie forced me out of the nest

1408
01:27:20.280 --> 01:27:24.000
She basically was like Carla. You need to date. I

1409
01:27:25.280 --> 01:27:28.800
Want you to connect with this guy? He's not a love connection for you

1410
01:27:29.640 --> 01:27:37.080
She purposely put me on this like course with this guy that lived like two hours from me

1411
01:27:37.280 --> 01:27:41.120
And she's like he's not your husband, but you need to go on a date

1412
01:27:42.000 --> 01:27:44.520
Just data just go on a date. That's it

1413
01:27:44.880 --> 01:27:49.260
So some of you ladies are going to go on dates with people that are not your spirit mate

1414
01:27:50.560 --> 01:27:57.760
but it's going to be the practice and the process and what God wants to do through those

1415
01:27:58.200 --> 01:28:00.200
opportunities to heal and cover

1416
01:28:01.000 --> 01:28:04.800
Cultivate prepare. There's all these things that he's gonna do

1417
01:28:04.920 --> 01:28:09.860
So I love crystal that you have these foundations of what's important to you

1418
01:28:10.360 --> 01:28:12.600
Don't let those things go

1419
01:28:13.080 --> 01:28:16.700
But don't make it a no just to not go on a date with somebody

1420
01:28:17.220 --> 01:28:24.700
Be open to it and as you when you step into dating and as those things come as those dates come and

1421
01:28:25.340 --> 01:28:31.340
Interactions take place and this stuff is gonna start surfacing then we can kind of navigate that with you

1422
01:28:31.860 --> 01:28:37.580
Okay, so I mean I again I relate to you on so many things

1423
01:28:39.380 --> 01:28:45.900
With beliefs so I mean I have a son I did not vaccinate him and so I

1424
01:28:46.700 --> 01:28:49.700
Am I and my son's dad pushed?

1425
01:28:51.140 --> 01:28:58.980
Me against like I mean he he he and I butted heads with that. And so it was important that I I

1426
01:29:00.140 --> 01:29:05.460
Asked the Lord, please. Give me a husband. That's going to be in alignment with a lot of the beliefs

1427
01:29:05.460 --> 01:29:07.460
I have with how to raise kids

1428
01:29:07.700 --> 01:29:14.260
Okay, and so lo and behold my husband didn't vaccinate his kids either. He was homeschooling his kids

1429
01:29:14.260 --> 01:29:19.780
I always wanted to homeschool now. We did we did the homeschooling thing last year y'all it did not work. I

1430
01:29:22.060 --> 01:29:27.500
Tried it out and I was like this ain't working. This is not great for planning a family. There's been so much trauma

1431
01:29:27.620 --> 01:29:33.460
This is not good for me as a bonus mom to also turn around be teacher. So

1432
01:29:33.980 --> 01:29:37.140
That's where I had we had to open that loosely, too

1433
01:29:37.820 --> 01:29:42.900
So, I mean my husband was very like headstrong about homeschooling. I

1434
01:29:43.700 --> 01:29:49.620
Mean it took me to a point of tears and frustration and almost like I was breaking down

1435
01:29:50.220 --> 01:29:52.220
Mentally, I had a mental breakdown

1436
01:29:52.740 --> 01:29:57.580
with it and I had to get to a place of complete brokenness for my husband to be like, oh

1437
01:29:58.260 --> 01:30:00.260
and then God spoke to

1438
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:04.800
And he's like, this is killing your wife.

1439
01:30:04.800 --> 01:30:06.160
Like, let it go.

1440
01:30:06.160 --> 01:30:06.920
And my husband did.

1441
01:30:06.920 --> 01:30:07.540
He let it go.

1442
01:30:07.540 --> 01:30:10.160
And my kids just finished their first semester.

1443
01:30:10.160 --> 01:30:12.400
They're back today.

1444
01:30:12.400 --> 01:30:13.960
And it's just been a smoother ride.

1445
01:30:13.960 --> 01:30:15.880
It's not perfect, but it's smoother.

1446
01:30:15.880 --> 01:30:16.840
I'll tell you that.

1447
01:30:16.840 --> 01:30:19.380
So it was important that we had some of the same alignments.

1448
01:30:19.380 --> 01:30:21.720
But again, it was kind of holding things loosey.

1449
01:30:21.720 --> 01:30:24.520
My husband was not, he doesn't eat gluten.

1450
01:30:24.520 --> 01:30:25.960
He doesn't eat sugar.

1451
01:30:25.960 --> 01:30:29.960
He wouldn't want, he didn't want the kids drinking milk.

1452
01:30:30.000 --> 01:30:34.840
And ladies, I was like all about the organic raw milk,

1453
01:30:34.840 --> 01:30:37.080
whole milk, all that.

1454
01:30:37.080 --> 01:30:38.840
He was like, no, they're not supposed to drink milk.

1455
01:30:38.840 --> 01:30:42.480
And so those were things that we had to work through together

1456
01:30:42.480 --> 01:30:43.360
to compromise.

1457
01:30:43.360 --> 01:30:45.760
So there was some things that he let go.

1458
01:30:45.760 --> 01:30:48.080
There was some things that I let go.

1459
01:30:48.080 --> 01:30:50.640
And that's that balance, that process

1460
01:30:50.640 --> 01:30:53.760
in growing with your spirit mate.

1461
01:30:53.760 --> 01:30:57.000
But right now we don't have to focus on the

1462
01:30:57.000 --> 01:30:59.400
has to have this, doesn't have this.

1463
01:31:00.240 --> 01:31:02.800
But I think it's important that in this process

1464
01:31:02.800 --> 01:31:05.400
you're learning what's important to you.

1465
01:31:05.400 --> 01:31:07.800
What's your destiny DNA?

1466
01:31:07.800 --> 01:31:09.200
What are you passionate about?

1467
01:31:09.200 --> 01:31:14.200
And knowing that God's got an intentional person for you.

1468
01:31:14.520 --> 01:31:17.320
He's so intentional about each and every one

1469
01:31:17.320 --> 01:31:18.480
of y'all's spirit mate.

1470
01:31:19.480 --> 01:31:21.320
He's doing this dating.

1471
01:31:21.320 --> 01:31:24.060
And in the second, as Jackie's asked us to do with this,

1472
01:31:24.060 --> 01:31:26.120
you know, I live in too small a community

1473
01:31:26.120 --> 01:31:28.620
with the threats on my life with my ex-fiancee.

1474
01:31:28.620 --> 01:31:30.060
Is there a way to set this up

1475
01:31:30.060 --> 01:31:32.180
so that I can just start this long distance?

1476
01:31:32.180 --> 01:31:33.940
I don't believe that I'm meant to stay here anyways.

1477
01:31:33.940 --> 01:31:37.900
I mean, right now they're working on a US visa for me, so.

1478
01:31:37.900 --> 01:31:41.660
When you, like, I would think, I mean,

1479
01:31:43.060 --> 01:31:44.900
online dating is always an option.

1480
01:31:44.900 --> 01:31:47.580
I know it's some things that people really do resist

1481
01:31:47.580 --> 01:31:50.940
but it will, I mean, you'll be surprised

1482
01:31:50.940 --> 01:31:54.540
how you can use technology to be in contact

1483
01:31:54.540 --> 01:31:56.900
with people that don't live near you.

1484
01:31:56.900 --> 01:32:00.500
So, I mean, I did the online dating thing,

1485
01:32:00.500 --> 01:32:02.900
but I was also, I shared in my community,

1486
01:32:02.900 --> 01:32:05.460
hey, if you know anybody, send them my way.

1487
01:32:05.460 --> 01:32:08.180
And so I had that, I had the online dating stuff,

1488
01:32:08.180 --> 01:32:10.940
like Facebook dating, and then I also had people

1489
01:32:10.940 --> 01:32:13.740
that I worked with, people at my church

1490
01:32:13.740 --> 01:32:16.380
that would try to introduce me to people.

1491
01:32:16.380 --> 01:32:19.180
I had this community of women, and believe it or not,

1492
01:32:19.180 --> 01:32:20.460
that's how I met my husband.

1493
01:32:20.460 --> 01:32:22.780
One of the women that was a friend of mine

1494
01:32:22.780 --> 01:32:26.420
in this community, I was living in Sarasota, Florida.

1495
01:32:26.940 --> 01:32:30.140
She was living in Atlanta at one time,

1496
01:32:30.140 --> 01:32:34.020
then moved to North Dakota, and now she's in Missouri.

1497
01:32:35.580 --> 01:32:40.580
And she was on a Facebook group for Christian singles,

1498
01:32:42.100 --> 01:32:44.460
not aligned with our community,

1499
01:32:44.460 --> 01:32:46.300
and saw my husband's profile.

1500
01:32:47.500 --> 01:32:48.700
And she reached out to him and said,

1501
01:32:48.700 --> 01:32:52.220
hey, I want to introduce you to my friend Carla.

1502
01:32:52.220 --> 01:32:54.020
She sent me his profile stuff and says,

1503
01:32:54.020 --> 01:32:55.580
what do you think about this guy?

1504
01:32:56.620 --> 01:33:00.460
And so I thought he lived in Florida.

1505
01:33:01.500 --> 01:33:03.300
Because the way his profile read,

1506
01:33:03.300 --> 01:33:06.420
he said nothing about living in Texas, y'all.

1507
01:33:06.420 --> 01:33:11.420
He's like, oh, I work remotely, I travel 10% of the year,

1508
01:33:11.700 --> 01:33:14.420
but my company that I work for

1509
01:33:14.420 --> 01:33:16.780
is based out of Clearwater, Florida.

1510
01:33:16.780 --> 01:33:18.340
So I just thought, I was just like,

1511
01:33:18.340 --> 01:33:19.660
oh, he must live in Clearwater, Florida,

1512
01:33:19.660 --> 01:33:21.460
that's where his work is.

1513
01:33:21.460 --> 01:33:25.180
He might travel away for work.

1514
01:33:25.180 --> 01:33:27.620
It wasn't until I met him, he's like,

1515
01:33:27.620 --> 01:33:30.900
oh, I don't live in Florida, this could be a problem.

1516
01:33:30.900 --> 01:33:33.060
I live in Texas.

1517
01:33:33.060 --> 01:33:35.820
And I was like, eh, well, that's worth a shot,

1518
01:33:35.820 --> 01:33:37.300
let's try this.

1519
01:33:37.300 --> 01:33:40.500
And so you never know how God can introduce you

1520
01:33:40.500 --> 01:33:43.420
to someone that may not be local to you.

1521
01:33:43.420 --> 01:33:48.420
So just, again, ladies, God is so intentional.

1522
01:33:48.620 --> 01:33:51.740
He really, really is, and that's why I love that this is,

1523
01:33:51.740 --> 01:33:53.620
it keeps coming up for 2025,

1524
01:33:53.620 --> 01:33:55.460
but I really think there's something on it

1525
01:33:55.460 --> 01:33:56.580
because he really is,

1526
01:33:56.580 --> 01:33:59.700
and he's got your love story already written for you.

1527
01:33:59.700 --> 01:34:01.460
He really does.

1528
01:34:01.460 --> 01:34:06.460
And so he knows what you need, he knows where you are,

1529
01:34:07.860 --> 01:34:11.380
he knows how to get it to you and who to bring it to you.

1530
01:34:12.260 --> 01:34:14.020
He knows all of that.

1531
01:34:14.020 --> 01:34:19.020
And so I think it's great that you're open

1532
01:34:19.220 --> 01:34:20.620
to the long distance as well.

1533
01:34:20.620 --> 01:34:24.340
So when you are ready to go and step into it,

1534
01:34:24.340 --> 01:34:26.740
it's just gonna open doors.

1535
01:34:26.740 --> 01:34:29.780
And ladies, Crystal, I mean, all of you ladies

1536
01:34:29.780 --> 01:34:32.020
that I see on here right now,

1537
01:34:32.020 --> 01:34:34.260
and you understand the importance

1538
01:34:34.260 --> 01:34:36.820
of showing up in the community.

1539
01:34:38.340 --> 01:34:39.740
Let us know what's going on.

1540
01:34:39.740 --> 01:34:41.460
Let us help you process it.

1541
01:34:41.460 --> 01:34:44.380
Let's have open communication, let's be open.

1542
01:34:46.540 --> 01:34:49.140
There's so much fruit here.

1543
01:34:49.140 --> 01:34:51.660
And I say that out of experience.

1544
01:34:51.660 --> 01:34:56.140
When I joined this program, I knew whatever,

1545
01:34:56.140 --> 01:34:58.340
I knew I was gonna get out of this program

1546
01:34:58.340 --> 01:34:59.340
what I put into it.

1547
01:34:59.340 --> 01:35:00.180
I had to.

1548
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.520
partner with the effort. And so that's why earlier today during housekeeping I

1549
01:35:05.520 --> 01:35:12.120
expressed to you ladies, you know, press in, lean in, show up for yourself, invest

1550
01:35:12.120 --> 01:35:18.360
in yourself, you are worth it. Okay? God has got, like God's got you and

1551
01:35:18.360 --> 01:35:25.720
God's got such a story for you. Like the things that you, like, I can't even begin

1552
01:35:25.720 --> 01:35:31.960
to tell you all of the things that he's done that I didn't even imagine would

1553
01:35:31.960 --> 01:35:37.600
happen. Like that's how good he is.

1554
01:35:37.680 --> 01:35:43.640
I was just, I mean, he continues to blow me away, not just in my story but in

1555
01:35:43.640 --> 01:35:49.160
y'all's stories too. Like this is the cool thing about my job and me getting to do

1556
01:35:49.160 --> 01:35:53.720
this with you ladies is I get this like front row seat to see like how God moves

1557
01:35:53.720 --> 01:35:58.440
in y'all's life. It's pretty awesome. You know, I sometimes get, I get sad though

1558
01:35:58.440 --> 01:36:02.480
like because y'all get in phase two and some people are here for four or

1559
01:36:02.480 --> 01:36:05.360
five weeks because they, you know, can move through. Other people stay a few

1560
01:36:05.360 --> 01:36:11.040
months because it's, you know, it's a process sometimes. And then y'all get

1561
01:36:11.040 --> 01:36:15.440
done with the content and then y'all leave and you go into phase three. But

1562
01:36:15.440 --> 01:36:20.760
I'm still, I still have eyes in phase three and so I get to still see like

1563
01:36:20.760 --> 01:36:25.280
what God does in your lives. Like I just saw someone post in phase three. I

1564
01:36:25.280 --> 01:36:30.600
remember coaching her several months ago. She'd come on my calls and she'd, you

1565
01:36:30.600 --> 01:36:36.760
know, share and, you know, get upset about, you know, the dating situations and what

1566
01:36:36.760 --> 01:36:44.200
she was faced with. And now she is dating this great guy. And I'm like, how

1567
01:36:44.200 --> 01:36:50.280
cool? Like look at what God did. And so I remember her from coming in and having

1568
01:36:50.320 --> 01:36:54.800
all the questions that I once had when I was in this, you know, program and

1569
01:36:54.800 --> 01:37:01.200
single and starting the dating process. And then I get to see what God does in

1570
01:37:01.200 --> 01:37:05.280
each and one of your, you know, each of your lives. And it is really incredible.

1571
01:37:05.280 --> 01:37:10.280
So if God has done that for all the women that I've coached prior, he's

1572
01:37:10.280 --> 01:37:16.600
going to do that for each and every one of you too. So yeah, that's so true,

1573
01:37:16.600 --> 01:37:22.240
Crystal. I didn't, I just now made that connection too. That early on you

1574
01:37:22.240 --> 01:37:29.680
shared that he gave you destiny moment and yes, destiny DNA. God has it all

1575
01:37:29.680 --> 01:37:37.720
figured out. He really does. He's intricately invested and he's designed

1576
01:37:37.720 --> 01:37:47.360
you. He knows exactly who you are and he's created somebody for you. My

1577
01:37:47.360 --> 01:37:52.440
husband always jokes with me. He's younger than me. I was, I was kind of

1578
01:37:52.440 --> 01:37:57.240
busted, you know, but, but I'm like, you may be younger than me, but I look

1579
01:37:57.240 --> 01:38:05.520
younger than, than him. And so, but he always jokes with me that God made me

1580
01:38:05.760 --> 01:38:12.720
for him. And I'm like, well, how is that possible? Because he made me first. So we

1581
01:38:12.720 --> 01:38:18.360
always joke with that. So Colette, yeah, the destiny DNA, I'll have to go back

1582
01:38:18.360 --> 01:38:25.080
and look at the content. My guess is it might be in phase one. If it's not,

1583
01:38:25.680 --> 01:38:30.680
there's possibility that once you ladies step into phase three, there may be

1584
01:38:31.560 --> 01:38:36.440
content in phase three about destiny DNA because we do a pat way. And when you

1585
01:38:36.440 --> 01:38:43.280
get into phase three, it's, we do this path session. And so each, each month is

1586
01:38:43.280 --> 01:38:50.480
typically geared towards a certain theme or something to just pour into you

1587
01:38:50.480 --> 01:38:59.040
ladies. And so there's usually a month that we talk about that. So if, if I, if

1588
01:38:59.040 --> 01:39:04.600
it's not in phase one, it's possible in phase three and you'll, and we'll, you'll

1589
01:39:04.600 --> 01:39:09.200
probably, you'll, you'll get some teaching on it at some point. I know, I

1590
01:39:09.200 --> 01:39:17.240
know it's there and I can even reach out to the team and see what I can find out

1591
01:39:17.240 --> 01:39:24.040
for you also. Yes, I love that. I love that. I love how you ladies are also even

1592
01:39:24.040 --> 01:39:29.160
just making connections to Amanda. Are you new to phase two? Have I not seen

1593
01:39:29.160 --> 01:39:30.000
you before?

1594
01:39:32.160 --> 01:39:37.240
You're on the interview. I'm new and I just realized today, so there's something

1595
01:39:37.240 --> 01:39:42.320
I gotta go do some homework on. It's okay. Cause I realized I'm terrified. Like

1596
01:39:42.320 --> 01:39:48.400
I'm almost in tears. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm so terrified of dating. Oh,

1597
01:39:48.400 --> 01:39:58.160
thank you. Oh, that's good. There's some healing. Okay. Feel it. Feel those

1598
01:39:58.200 --> 01:39:58.960
feels.

1599
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:01.000
All right.

1600
01:40:01.000 --> 01:40:02.000
Yeah.

1601
01:40:02.000 --> 01:40:03.000
Cause I'm just like, okay, God, what is that?

1602
01:40:03.000 --> 01:40:04.000
Cause I was not expecting that.

1603
01:40:04.000 --> 01:40:05.000
That's why I didn't want to say anything.

1604
01:40:05.000 --> 01:40:06.000
I was like, I'm going to cry.

1605
01:40:06.000 --> 01:40:07.000
Girl, I'm a crier too.

1606
01:40:07.000 --> 01:40:18.000
So don't ever ladies, don't ever, don't ever be self-conscious or insecure.

1607
01:40:18.000 --> 01:40:21.440
I'm going to be right here with you.

1608
01:40:21.440 --> 01:40:22.440
Okay.

1609
01:40:22.440 --> 01:40:25.440
And I mean, it's like, I've been so excited.

1610
01:40:25.440 --> 01:40:26.440
I'm excited.

1611
01:40:26.440 --> 01:40:27.440
Um, for the future.

1612
01:40:27.440 --> 01:40:32.320
I have so much anticipation, so much hope, but then even just sitting here, I was like,

1613
01:40:32.320 --> 01:40:37.760
oh my goodness, like this overwhelming fear has come in and it's with the practical day

1614
01:40:37.760 --> 01:40:38.760
to day process.

1615
01:40:38.760 --> 01:40:43.000
So I'm like, okay, I've taken a few notes and I'm like, okay, let me go look back and

1616
01:40:43.000 --> 01:40:47.440
just God just reveal what it is.

1617
01:40:47.440 --> 01:40:49.400
That's really the fear there.

1618
01:40:49.400 --> 01:40:51.160
What is really scaring me?

1619
01:40:51.160 --> 01:40:52.160
Yeah.

1620
01:40:52.160 --> 01:40:56.440
This is again, like, yeah, you know, don't, don't run from the fear.

1621
01:40:56.440 --> 01:41:01.040
Face it in the face and be like, okay, what is this God?

1622
01:41:01.040 --> 01:41:03.360
What lie am I believing?

1623
01:41:03.360 --> 01:41:05.280
Where does this, where's this rooted in?

1624
01:41:05.280 --> 01:41:07.720
Where's this root God?

1625
01:41:07.720 --> 01:41:08.720
And you know what?

1626
01:41:08.720 --> 01:41:10.120
Holy spirit will come in.

1627
01:41:10.120 --> 01:41:11.120
Ladies.

1628
01:41:11.120 --> 01:41:13.620
I did that literally just a few days ago.

1629
01:41:13.620 --> 01:41:16.120
I'm going through the heartwork again.

1630
01:41:16.120 --> 01:41:17.120
Okay.

1631
01:41:17.120 --> 01:41:24.480
Like I literally, I, and, and I'm supposed to be in like week four, week four, week five

1632
01:41:24.480 --> 01:41:25.480
of heartwork.

1633
01:41:25.520 --> 01:41:27.360
I'm still in my week two.

1634
01:41:27.360 --> 01:41:28.360
Okay.

1635
01:41:28.360 --> 01:41:34.560
So it's sometimes it's a process and God revealed to me some stuff.

1636
01:41:34.560 --> 01:41:42.080
I was, I've been dealing with some anger about moving from Florida to Texas and like, where

1637
01:41:42.080 --> 01:41:43.080
is that?

1638
01:41:43.080 --> 01:41:46.960
I mean, I've, I've been feeling it frequently over the last year and a half since I moved

1639
01:41:46.960 --> 01:41:47.960
here.

1640
01:41:47.960 --> 01:41:54.440
There was one time I was at church and this just over like emotion.

1641
01:41:54.440 --> 01:41:59.040
Like I had just this anger walking out of church.

1642
01:41:59.040 --> 01:42:02.560
I mean, I was furious and I was like, I don't understand.

1643
01:42:02.560 --> 01:42:03.560
I'm crying.

1644
01:42:03.560 --> 01:42:05.400
My husband's like, what's wrong with you?

1645
01:42:05.400 --> 01:42:07.480
And I'm like, he's like, are you okay?

1646
01:42:07.480 --> 01:42:11.080
And I'm like, no, I'm not okay right now.

1647
01:42:11.080 --> 01:42:17.640
And so I like that got brought up again for me in this process of heartwork, like what?

1648
01:42:17.640 --> 01:42:20.000
And I said, Lord, where's that root?

1649
01:42:20.000 --> 01:42:21.000
Where's that root at?

1650
01:42:21.000 --> 01:42:22.000
And you know what?

1651
01:42:22.000 --> 01:42:26.560
It brought me to this memory when I was in second grade.

1652
01:42:26.560 --> 01:42:31.720
I was, it was the first time I had moved out of the house that I grew up in.

1653
01:42:31.720 --> 01:42:37.720
We moved into a temporary rental home and we were at that time, we had to rent a house

1654
01:42:37.720 --> 01:42:43.480
because my parents were building a house in a different city and I had to switch schools

1655
01:42:43.480 --> 01:42:47.960
halfway through the year and that school that we went to, we could walk to school.

1656
01:42:47.960 --> 01:42:51.680
So my mom would walk us because it wasn't the best neighborhood.

1657
01:42:51.680 --> 01:42:55.360
And I remember there was this one afternoon she came to pick me up.

1658
01:42:55.360 --> 01:43:01.280
I think she was late and I was so angry with my mom.

1659
01:43:01.280 --> 01:43:04.680
I don't even know what for, like God still hasn't revealed to me, like he hasn't given

1660
01:43:04.680 --> 01:43:08.520
me the memory of what I was mad at my mom for.

1661
01:43:08.520 --> 01:43:14.320
But I remember when I go back to this memory, I remember not liking the idea that I had

1662
01:43:14.320 --> 01:43:19.560
to move and felt like I had things uprooted.

1663
01:43:19.560 --> 01:43:22.400
I felt very insecure.

1664
01:43:22.400 --> 01:43:23.920
And so my mom comes to pick me up.

1665
01:43:23.920 --> 01:43:25.720
I was so mad at her.

1666
01:43:25.720 --> 01:43:29.520
I stormed off and was like trying to run away from her.

1667
01:43:29.520 --> 01:43:38.600
I walked myself home, but my mom, I know at the, like I glanced and she was like several

1668
01:43:38.600 --> 01:43:43.160
feet back, like good 10, 20, 30 feet back from me.

1669
01:43:43.160 --> 01:43:47.760
But I remember this feeling of just absolute anger.

1670
01:43:47.760 --> 01:43:53.400
And God showed me how there is possibly a connection there.

1671
01:43:53.400 --> 01:43:57.120
And so ladies like heartwork isn't over.

1672
01:43:57.120 --> 01:44:02.160
Now I'm not responding the same way I did like four years ago when I joined this community

1673
01:44:02.160 --> 01:44:03.160
now.

1674
01:44:03.160 --> 01:44:04.160
Yeah.

1675
01:44:04.160 --> 01:44:12.360
But for a little over four years ago, but don't, don't push those feelings down.

1676
01:44:12.360 --> 01:44:13.360
Right.

1677
01:44:13.360 --> 01:44:14.840
Invite Holy Spirit in.

1678
01:44:14.840 --> 01:44:19.840
I think that's been the big difference too, because before I might've ran away or flew

1679
01:44:19.840 --> 01:44:20.840
away.

1680
01:44:20.840 --> 01:44:27.800
That's my, I'm a flyer or runner, but I literally wrote it down like, okay, this is something

1681
01:44:27.800 --> 01:44:32.720
to come back to come back and process, but I'm a teacher and my students are about to

1682
01:44:32.720 --> 01:44:33.720
come back.

1683
01:44:33.720 --> 01:44:34.720
So

1684
01:44:34.720 --> 01:44:35.720
All right.

1685
01:44:35.720 --> 01:44:36.720
I used to be a teacher too.

1686
01:44:36.720 --> 01:44:37.720
Yay.

1687
01:44:37.720 --> 01:44:38.720
I have to go now.

1688
01:44:38.720 --> 01:44:39.720
All right.

1689
01:44:39.720 --> 01:44:40.720
Amanda.

1690
01:44:40.720 --> 01:44:41.720
Thank you so much.

1691
01:44:42.080 --> 01:44:43.080
Ladies.

1692
01:44:43.080 --> 01:44:47.480
Is there anybody else that wants to share something that's pressing on their heart questions

1693
01:44:47.480 --> 01:44:48.480
that you may have?

1694
01:44:48.480 --> 01:44:49.480
Yes.

1695
01:44:49.480 --> 01:44:50.480
Collette, how are you?

1696
01:44:50.480 --> 01:44:51.480
Okay.

1697
01:44:51.480 --> 01:44:59.680
So you were talking at the beginning about pursuing.

1698
01:44:59.680 --> 01:45:00.680
It's not very easy.

1699
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:09.360
comfortable, but I want to know how to first pursue someone like a guy at church who's kind of quiet.

1700
01:45:00.680 --> 01:45:01.680
It's not easy.

1701
01:45:01.680 --> 01:45:02.680
It's not easy.

1702
01:45:02.680 --> 01:45:03.680
It's not easy.

1703
01:45:03.680 --> 01:45:04.680
It's not easy.

1704
01:45:04.680 --> 01:45:05.680
It's not easy.

1705
01:45:05.680 --> 01:45:06.680
It's not easy.

1706
01:45:06.680 --> 01:45:07.680
It's not easy.

1707
01:45:07.680 --> 01:45:08.680
It's not easy.

1708
01:45:08.680 --> 01:45:09.680
It's not easy.

1709
01:45:09.680 --> 01:45:10.680
It's not easy.

1710
01:45:10.160 --> 01:45:17.760
Okay, so you see this guy at church, he's a bit quiet, you are interested in maybe introducing

1711
01:45:10.680 --> 01:45:11.680
It's not easy.

1712
01:45:17.760 --> 01:45:26.000
yourself, getting to know him more? Yeah, so far I've said hi. That's good, celebrate that.

1713
01:45:26.640 --> 01:45:31.040
Yeah, I mean, well, he was getting on his motorcycle and I was parked right next to

1714
01:45:31.040 --> 01:45:37.200
him, so we just happened to at the same moment be there. There you go, and was it uncomfortable?

1715
01:45:38.240 --> 01:45:44.160
No, that was fine. Okay, good. Then the next, I waited all week, I was going to say something

1716
01:45:44.160 --> 01:45:50.240
again, and this time I jumped in my car really fast before he got there, so I wouldn't have to

1717
01:45:50.240 --> 01:46:04.240
say anything. I love it. But whatever. I love this, I absolutely love this, because I think

1718
01:46:04.240 --> 01:46:08.480
this is going to be an opportunity for you to practice what we call dropping the hanky.

1719
01:46:09.360 --> 01:46:14.800
Yes, I read, I heard. And just initiate a, hey, I've seen you a couple times,

1720
01:46:15.600 --> 01:46:20.960
strike up conversation, just, you know, how are you? Like, how long have you been coming to this

1721
01:46:20.960 --> 01:46:26.880
church? I already know, because I asked this guy. Okay, well, he doesn't know that you already know.

1722
01:46:26.880 --> 01:46:30.480
He doesn't know that I've already Googled him and know his address.

1723
01:46:33.440 --> 01:46:38.800
Oh my gosh. He doesn't know that, he doesn't need to know that, okay.

1724
01:46:39.760 --> 01:46:45.520
I would never tell anybody, but you guys. Yes, so Crystal said maybe when she's dressed up,

1725
01:46:45.520 --> 01:46:50.640
and he'll say how pretty you are. So let's, yes, we're going to activate this.

1726
01:46:51.920 --> 01:46:59.280
So yeah, let's just initiate some small talk. Okay. You know, okay. Hey, I've seen you,

1727
01:46:59.280 --> 01:47:03.680
I saw you the last couple weeks, how are you? I'm, I'm glad, it's so nice to meet you.

1728
01:47:04.320 --> 01:47:06.080
So how long have you been coming to this church?

1729
01:47:08.080 --> 01:47:14.560
There you go. All right. Initiate, start just making small talk and be like, you know,

1730
01:47:16.640 --> 01:47:24.560
drop your Bible, drop the hanky or drop your Bible and see if he'll pick it up. I love it.

1731
01:47:24.560 --> 01:47:32.080
That would be funny. And just, you know, at the end of the talk, just say, you know, it was nice

1732
01:47:32.080 --> 01:47:37.120
chatting with you. Would you be opening to grabbing a cup of coffee maybe sometime next week?

1733
01:47:39.360 --> 01:47:45.760
Okay. I was planning to do that last Sunday. There you go. And I jumped in my car and ran.

1734
01:47:46.720 --> 01:47:54.000
Pray about it. Okay. Ask Holy Spirit to just give you the grace and space, give you some peace,

1735
01:47:54.000 --> 01:48:01.120
calm. Okay. Okay. And do not, and do not be tied to the outcome.

1736
01:48:03.440 --> 01:48:08.960
This is, this is just practice, practice stepping into this. Okay, ladies.

1737
01:48:10.240 --> 01:48:17.680
Yeah. The learning about dating for discovery, that has really kind of changed me because I

1738
01:48:17.760 --> 01:48:26.320
have an anxious attachment, which I didn't know. I didn't know I had that until when I, I was

1739
01:48:26.320 --> 01:48:33.120
married for 24 years, my second marriage. Then it was two and a half years later before I even

1740
01:48:33.120 --> 01:48:39.120
talked to anybody. Then I got on the dating app and that was like a disaster because the guy I

1741
01:48:39.120 --> 01:48:44.240
meet, you know, I'm used to like meeting somebody and you get married. That's both of my marriages.

1742
01:48:44.240 --> 01:48:51.440
I met them and we got married like two months. So I'm not used to, I don't, I haven't really dated

1743
01:48:51.440 --> 01:48:59.040
my whole life. My first marriage started at 18. Yeah. 20 years. So you're learning some new things

1744
01:48:59.040 --> 01:49:07.280
and you're going to start putting. But so this guy that I meet on, I'm thinking he's, I mean,

1745
01:49:07.280 --> 01:49:12.640
after we talked a little bit, he's like, it was so horrible. This is right before I got in this

1746
01:49:12.640 --> 01:49:18.880
program. He's like, Oh, we had a really nice talk. I'm going, yeah. Of course. What I said was, I feel

1747
01:49:18.880 --> 01:49:25.680
like I've known you forever, which Jackie's like, don't do it. But here's the thing, like ladies,

1748
01:49:25.680 --> 01:49:31.040
and this is what he did. I have to tell you, because this has been on my mind for a long time.

1749
01:49:31.040 --> 01:49:38.400
He said, yeah, baby. And then it was like, did he really, I mean, this is on texting and I'm like,

1750
01:49:39.040 --> 01:49:44.080
did he really mean baby? What is he? And then the next morning he called me sweet,

1751
01:49:44.080 --> 01:49:48.960
sweetheart, darling, and honey. And then I was like, I don't think I'm comfortable with that.

1752
01:49:48.960 --> 01:49:54.560
And then, but I didn't, he was bread. I didn't know what breadcrumbing was. I didn't know what

1753
01:49:54.560 --> 01:49:59.680
it was. The thing is you also didn't have all these tools. So ladies, you are learning new ways of

1754
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:04.840
And here's the thing is you also recognized you had an oops.

1755
01:50:04.840 --> 01:50:07.680
You said something to him, and then after that,

1756
01:50:07.680 --> 01:50:09.840
look at what kind of, then all this other stuff

1757
01:50:09.840 --> 01:50:10.680
started coming out.

1758
01:50:10.680 --> 01:50:11.960
Oh, I didn't think of that.

1759
01:50:11.960 --> 01:50:13.920
We don't have to beat ourselves up for the mistakes

1760
01:50:13.920 --> 01:50:16.840
that we made when we made these mistakes with,

1761
01:50:16.840 --> 01:50:19.200
we didn't know what we didn't know.

1762
01:50:19.200 --> 01:50:20.680
But now you're learning new stuff.

1763
01:50:20.680 --> 01:50:22.680
And here's the thing, ladies,

1764
01:50:22.680 --> 01:50:25.040
even after you learn all this stuff,

1765
01:50:25.040 --> 01:50:27.280
you're still gonna make mistakes.

1766
01:50:27.280 --> 01:50:28.800
I did.

1767
01:50:28.880 --> 01:50:31.840
Ladies, I will tell you, like I told you,

1768
01:50:31.840 --> 01:50:36.680
my husband dropped some deep dive questions.

1769
01:50:36.680 --> 01:50:39.000
He shared some stuff with me.

1770
01:50:39.000 --> 01:50:41.120
And I probably engaged in it more

1771
01:50:41.120 --> 01:50:42.960
than I probably should have,

1772
01:50:42.960 --> 01:50:45.720
or what I was taught not to do.

1773
01:50:45.720 --> 01:50:48.960
But it didn't mean that I messed my love story up.

1774
01:50:49.880 --> 01:50:54.880
So I know we have these guardrails

1775
01:50:54.880 --> 01:50:56.760
for you ladies to help you.

1776
01:50:57.760 --> 01:51:01.400
It's okay if you don't do it perfectly.

1777
01:51:01.400 --> 01:51:02.240
Yes, I agree.

1778
01:51:02.240 --> 01:51:04.920
It's just about being willing to learn

1779
01:51:04.920 --> 01:51:06.760
from the choice that you made

1780
01:51:06.760 --> 01:51:09.400
and how it made you feel and process through it,

1781
01:51:09.400 --> 01:51:11.920
get some healing and doing it,

1782
01:51:11.920 --> 01:51:13.880
just constantly doing it differently.

1783
01:51:13.880 --> 01:51:15.720
I tell my kids this all the time.

1784
01:51:15.720 --> 01:51:17.040
You know what, you're gonna make mistakes.

1785
01:51:17.040 --> 01:51:18.280
It's how you learn.

1786
01:51:19.200 --> 01:51:20.040
Yes.

1787
01:51:20.040 --> 01:51:22.160
When I was a school teacher, I used to say,

1788
01:51:22.160 --> 01:51:24.960
you're not learning if you're not messing up.

1789
01:51:25.920 --> 01:51:29.960
You learn from your mistakes.

1790
01:51:29.960 --> 01:51:32.040
I'm like, anybody that just comes in

1791
01:51:32.040 --> 01:51:34.240
and knows all the stuff, they don't learn anything.

1792
01:51:34.240 --> 01:51:35.120
They do it perfectly.

1793
01:51:35.120 --> 01:51:37.040
Well, they don't learn anything.

1794
01:51:37.040 --> 01:51:38.480
Come in and you make some mistakes.

1795
01:51:38.480 --> 01:51:39.320
Guess what?

1796
01:51:39.320 --> 01:51:42.200
You're gonna learn new ways of doing things.

1797
01:51:42.200 --> 01:51:43.640
I've learned so much.

1798
01:51:43.640 --> 01:51:45.560
I can't even believe it.

1799
01:51:45.560 --> 01:51:49.480
But God used him to get me in this program

1800
01:51:49.480 --> 01:51:53.360
because I had no idea what I was doing.

1801
01:51:53.560 --> 01:51:57.240
I got so hooked on him and I didn't know why,

1802
01:51:57.240 --> 01:51:59.160
like, God, I'm just praying.

1803
01:51:59.160 --> 01:52:00.320
What is going on?

1804
01:52:00.320 --> 01:52:01.800
Why am I, what is going on?

1805
01:52:01.800 --> 01:52:02.640
What's going on?

1806
01:52:02.640 --> 01:52:03.480
Help me, help me.

1807
01:52:03.480 --> 01:52:05.680
And then I met Jackie.

1808
01:52:05.680 --> 01:52:07.160
We're doing a challenge.

1809
01:52:07.160 --> 01:52:09.120
I got on that and then it was like,

1810
01:52:09.120 --> 01:52:11.120
and I never spend money on myself.

1811
01:52:11.120 --> 01:52:11.960
Never.

1812
01:52:11.960 --> 01:52:13.480
I've never done anything like this.

1813
01:52:13.480 --> 01:52:14.320
Never.

1814
01:52:14.320 --> 01:52:15.160
Yes, you're doing something new.

1815
01:52:15.160 --> 01:52:17.720
You invest in yourself because you are so worth it.

1816
01:52:17.720 --> 01:52:20.280
I had no idea how wonderful it was gonna be,

1817
01:52:20.280 --> 01:52:23.040
but I knew what, once I got in it,

1818
01:52:23.720 --> 01:52:24.560
I was like, okay, God,

1819
01:52:24.560 --> 01:52:26.640
now I know why you wanted me to do this.

1820
01:52:26.640 --> 01:52:27.480
Well, and here's the thing.

1821
01:52:27.480 --> 01:52:29.320
You just say you don't ever spend money on yourself

1822
01:52:29.320 --> 01:52:30.160
and you were just telling me

1823
01:52:30.160 --> 01:52:33.400
you don't have a feminine sweater.

1824
01:52:33.400 --> 01:52:36.480
And I said, well, now you're gonna go out and get one.

1825
01:52:36.480 --> 01:52:39.680
I will spend money on myself sometimes,

1826
01:52:39.680 --> 01:52:43.040
but I'm saying investing in like my healing.

1827
01:52:43.040 --> 01:52:45.880
Like I usually do a lot of things, you know,

1828
01:52:45.880 --> 01:52:50.360
like investing in, I'm just really frugal.

1829
01:52:50.400 --> 01:52:53.840
But anyway, he used this guy,

1830
01:52:53.840 --> 01:52:57.320
but, and all through my heart work, you know,

1831
01:52:57.320 --> 01:53:00.680
all what I went through dealing with him,

1832
01:53:00.680 --> 01:53:01.960
cause I mean, he just,

1833
01:53:01.960 --> 01:53:04.120
it was horrible what he did to me, you know,

1834
01:53:04.120 --> 01:53:07.680
but I made a lot of, it was really bad.

1835
01:53:07.680 --> 01:53:10.400
Between both of us, we're both really messed up.

1836
01:53:10.400 --> 01:53:14.600
So it got me into the program, which was good.

1837
01:53:14.600 --> 01:53:19.400
But the dating to discover that has really helped

1838
01:53:19.400 --> 01:53:23.280
because I was like, no, I don't, no, no, no, no, no.

1839
01:53:23.280 --> 01:53:25.000
I didn't want to talk to anybody.

1840
01:53:25.000 --> 01:53:29.880
So, but I mean, this guy I was talking to the other day,

1841
01:53:29.880 --> 01:53:32.960
he said, he started talking about his ex-wife

1842
01:53:32.960 --> 01:53:34.360
and he said something about sex.

1843
01:53:34.360 --> 01:53:36.720
And I was like, out of bounds.

1844
01:53:36.720 --> 01:53:37.560
And he's like, oh.

1845
01:53:37.560 --> 01:53:38.400
Did you say that?

1846
01:53:38.400 --> 01:53:39.240
Just say, hey, like.

1847
01:53:39.240 --> 01:53:42.360
I said, did I say out of bounds?

1848
01:53:42.360 --> 01:53:45.560
I said something like that.

1849
01:53:45.560 --> 01:53:48.040
And he's, I'm so sorry.

1850
01:53:48.160 --> 01:53:49.800
I'll never do that again.

1851
01:53:49.800 --> 01:53:50.640
Well, that's the thing.

1852
01:53:50.640 --> 01:53:51.640
And when guys do that, here's the thing.

1853
01:53:51.640 --> 01:53:55.520
We can respond with a healthy, soft, feminine approach.

1854
01:53:55.520 --> 01:53:58.000
Okay, we don't have to be like, absolutely not.

1855
01:53:58.000 --> 01:53:58.840
You know?

1856
01:53:58.840 --> 01:54:00.600
I know, I said, this is, that's, yeah.

1857
01:54:00.600 --> 01:54:01.840
Be like, hey.

1858
01:54:01.840 --> 01:54:03.160
Over my boundary.

1859
01:54:03.160 --> 01:54:04.760
And he was apologetic.

1860
01:54:04.760 --> 01:54:08.600
Like, I'm, how would I word this?

1861
01:54:08.600 --> 01:54:12.400
I would say, I like that you feel comfortable enough

1862
01:54:12.400 --> 01:54:15.560
to have, you know, these vulnerable conversations with me,

1863
01:54:15.560 --> 01:54:20.560
but would it be okay that we wait to talk like this

1864
01:54:21.200 --> 01:54:23.320
with each other until we've spent some time

1865
01:54:23.320 --> 01:54:24.360
getting to know one another?

1866
01:54:24.360 --> 01:54:25.800
Would that be okay with you?

1867
01:54:26.920 --> 01:54:29.400
Put a soft, healthy boundary.

1868
01:54:30.800 --> 01:54:32.320
Okay, I'll try that better.

1869
01:54:32.320 --> 01:54:35.640
And I'm afraid, like, you're not gonna do it perfectly.

1870
01:54:35.640 --> 01:54:36.920
I didn't do it perfectly.

1871
01:54:36.920 --> 01:54:39.920
I mean, like, none of us do.

1872
01:54:39.920 --> 01:54:43.560
It's just, hey, this is how it transpired.

1873
01:54:43.560 --> 01:54:45.040
This was my response.

1874
01:54:45.040 --> 01:54:47.560
If this situation happens again,

1875
01:54:47.560 --> 01:54:50.560
is there a different, softer approach I could have with it?

1876
01:54:52.120 --> 01:54:53.240
And then move forward.

1877
01:54:54.520 --> 01:54:55.840
Yeah.

1878
01:54:55.840 --> 01:54:56.680
All right.

1879
01:54:56.680 --> 01:55:00.040
Okay, ladies, we are coming up to a couple hours here.

1880
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.440
And so I feel like I did really good with the teaching and I just I love that I get to have

1881
01:55:05.440 --> 01:55:12.240
space with you all to share and open up. And so I didn't get to hear from you Levina or Angela,

1882
01:55:12.240 --> 01:55:18.720
but if you had something in your heart and you wanted to share, go ahead and put it in the app.

1883
01:55:19.600 --> 01:55:24.800
And then I will encourage you next time that you jump on, maybe be one of the first people to

1884
01:55:24.800 --> 01:55:29.360
raise your hand if maybe you kind of are reluctant. I always say that because I know

1885
01:55:29.360 --> 01:55:34.400
that women come in here and sometimes we get insecure about like, I don't know what to say.

1886
01:55:34.400 --> 01:55:38.800
And so maybe Levina and Angela, that's not you because Levina I think I've heard from you before.

1887
01:55:40.160 --> 01:55:44.400
But I say it because I know this is in replay and if anybody makes it to this part of

1888
01:55:44.400 --> 01:55:47.920
of the replay that that might speak to them. So that's where I say that.

1889
01:55:49.280 --> 01:55:57.440
But ladies, I always enjoy coming here with you each week. If you are able to also jump on the

1890
01:55:57.440 --> 01:56:02.960
call tonight with Ebony, she'll be touching on the same topics, but she'll have her own

1891
01:56:04.080 --> 01:56:11.040
perspective and spin on it. So if you if you're open to it and have time, jump on her call at 8pm

1892
01:56:11.040 --> 01:56:16.960
Eastern. If not, make sure you're showing up in our app, communicate with us, let us know what's

1893
01:56:16.960 --> 01:56:24.000
going on. Stay engaged with us, connect with the women in the community. And then we look forward

1894
01:56:24.000 --> 01:56:33.520
to seeing you next week. Okay. Have a blessed day ladies. Oh my gosh, I had my audio off with

1895
01:56:33.520 --> 01:56:39.920
my dog and everything. I'm sorry. All right, ladies. Have a good one. We'll see you next week.

1896
01:56:39.920 --> 01:56:42.720
Thank you. Thank you.