All right. Welcome, ladies. This is your first Phase 2 live check-in of 2025.
I'm super excited to be here with you today on our 1 o'clock call. This is in replay.
I'm just super pumped for what God is already doing this year.
I've spent the last couple days just really pressing into him, and I'm already seeing some shifts and some moves.
I'm so excited what he's going to do for us this year here at Last Year Single.
Definitely get excited, get prepared.
For those of you that don't know me, I am Karla Johnson. I'm one of your Phase 2 coaches here at Last Year Single.
I joined the community in 2020 myself, went through this program, and met my now husband in the end of 2022.
Got married in 2023, so I am now into my second year of marriage.
What's really exciting is in these last couple days that I've been spending with the Lord,
now that my kids are shifting back into school, my husband's getting back in the office, I'm getting my alone time with God.
In that moment, in that time over the last couple days, I spent a little bit of time going back into an old post of mine from this community
and where I was at when I first joined this community and in that process even before I met my husband.
What was really exciting was that many of the questions and many of the posts that I asked in the community
were a lot of the same questions that come up here in this phase.
It just really humbled me, and it just really made me feel blessed that I get to do what I do here at Last Year Single.
It's a way I get to pour back into you all for what God has done in my life through Jackie in this community.
I hope that years from now, you ladies can look back at where you are right now,
but it will be you looking back in the past and really see the growth and the progress that you've made and what God has done in your life.
With that being said, this is the year of intention and supernatural.
If you have not gotten to watch the Supernatural Saturday this past weekend, I strongly encourage that you do that.
Jackie released a great word, and it really moved me to hear it, and I think it's going to do the same for you.
Also, keep in mind that if you missed signing up for Prophesy Your Year, so you weren't able to attend that event,
but you were really hoping that you could have access to the replay, we are offering that at a 50% off cost.
If you didn't get to sign up for it and pay for it and just couldn't get in, just know that if you look in our app,
there is information on how to get access to that.
It will be at 50% of the cost of what everybody who attended the event had to pay.
A few things, some housekeeping stuff that we want to remind you ladies of is this year,
and as you show up in this page, just to be leaning in and coming out of hiding.
That's something that we have done over the year here in this phase is really helping ladies come out of hiding.
You guys have just come out of hard work.
It's really important to do that because it's a way of you showing up for yourself.
What that looks like in phase two is just going to be coming here to these live calls.
Those of you that are with me right now, you're right there.
The ladies that are here with me right now are on camera, which is great.
Anytime you come to live calls, turn the camera on and also connect with your sisters here in community.
Also, don't forget to check those events tab on our app as well.
You don't want to miss any of the things that we've got going on in the community.
For example, this Thursday, which is I believe the 9th at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time,
we have a special session happening.
or phase three that we are inviting those of you
that are in phase two to participate in as well.
It's gonna be with our very own Bethany Cooper.
She is gonna give us a session on vision boarding with God.
It's something that I know Bethany has done every year.
It's something that's been part of our community
since I was in it in late 2020, in the early 2021.
See, look, we got some more ladies showing up.
I knew that would happen.
So yeah, be sure to check out that session.
It's just a really great way to kind of set up
your next year, what God wants to do,
what visions he's giving you.
And so I really encourage you to get to that.
Again, listen to Supernatural Saturday
because Jackie released that word of intention
in Supernatural for 2025.
I also, ladies, gave you homework last week
to be pressing in and asking the Lord
to give you a word or phrase
that God wants to give to you personally in 2024.
And so I know last week when I was on the call,
someone even brought up how they felt
that the word that was given to them was awesome.
And I said it earlier today,
but then it's like I come on live and I can't say it.
So it's authentic, authenticity, I can't say it.
So that's so funny,
because I really, I said it several times earlier today
and I could say it just perfectly fine, but whatever.
Anyway, so that was a word
that one of your sisters shared in here last week.
For me personally, God's been speaking the words unlock
and connection for me.
So as I press into that every day,
he's just showing me new things that,
with that word and what he means by that.
So if God has given you a word for 2025,
I wanna encourage you to go ahead and throw it in the chat
as I finish up with some of these housekeeping items.
So let's see here.
Last trip single,
that's the last thing I want to share with you ladies.
Make sure that you check that out in the resource tab.
The deadline for the down payment for that trip,
that deposit is due this Friday on the 10th.
So if you want to spend time with your ladies in community
and Jackie and David in Columbia, definitely check that out.
And that again is in the resource tab of the app.
So thank you, Crystal.
So destiny moments is what God has given you, I love it.
I'm excited to see what other people share.
Ladies, if you're watching this in replay,
go ahead and share that word or phrase
that God gave you in the community on our page.
So that other ladies can see that as well.
Melissa's got joy and suddenly, I love that.
I love that word suddenly.
I really feel strongly that suddenly is just a word
even just for this movement.
And last year single, it was just the sudden leaves
that can happen once we tap in and heal our hearts.
There's just so many things that God can accelerate
and do in a sudden way.
So yes, let's do that.
Another activation that I'm gonna ask that you ladies do
is tied with that word of intention
that Jackie released over the community.
So we're gonna do that this week.
So this might stretch some of you,
but I really believe that it's going to do
some really great things if you decide to go ahead
and partner with it and accept
that invitation of opportunity.
But ladies, I want you to do this week.
I want you to get dressed up everywhere you go this week.
So yes, that's even the grocery store
and filling up your gas tank.
So I know that's gonna stretch some of you.
Interestingly enough, when I went back to some of my posts
from when I was in this community.
We didn't have the app.
We had a Facebook group.
And so we were always posting things in face groups
and doing live videos and stuff.
And we had something similar in this activation.
And it was so funny because I watched it
and I used to not really wear makeup.
I mean, I like wearing makeup when I wanna go out
and get done up.
I totally enjoy that.
I like doing my hair and makeup and that.
But I got stuck in this, what I called my mom mode
because it was a single mama.
And where I worked was not a place where it was,
where you needed to wear makeup.
I worked in a community of Amish and Mennonite folks
in a restaurant.
And so it was normal to not wear makeup.
And I dressed the part, that was part of our uniform.
And so this activation was to start showing up
and presenting ourselves and wearing makeup
and doing our hair.
And in this video, it was my second day
wearing makeup at work.
And so it was interesting because before I even said it
in the video, I was like, wow, I have makeup on.
And so I'm activating you ladies
to do the same thing this week.
Get dressed up, do your hair, do your makeup,
get a cute dress on, maybe wear a cute jeans, a cute top.
Okay, show up and get dressed up wherever you go, okay?
And I want proof.
So I want you taking photos
and I want you posting them in the app, okay?
All right, yes, it is super, super cold.
I don't know where y'all are from.
So Crystal, yes, it's like negative 25.
God bless you.
I'm here in Central Texas, we're about to get dumped on.
My youngest son is hopeful
that they're not gonna have school on Friday.
He's never seen like no snow.
Like he's seen a little bit of flurry,
but we grew up or he grew up in Florida.
That's where originally where we were living.
So he's never seen snow
and I think he's gonna get several inches.
But yes, it's super cold.
So yeah, some of you might not be wearing
like super like tiny dresses, like, you know,
where it shows knees, you might need to, you know,
put in like a dressy coat on or, you know,
cute little beanie hat or some earmuffs,
cute little scarf, whatever.
But get dressed up and take pictures
wherever you go this week.
And we want proof and we wanna see that.
All right, Melissa, I'm gonna read some of the comments here
in the chat.
So Melissa, you started last week
and have had so many interactions with both men and women.
I love that.
My girl Kelly is on here.
You can only stay on until noon.
Okay, so you must be central time because you're at work.
Yes, so I do wanna get to you before you have to leave.
So just if I'm still talking and teaching
with like 15 minutes till you have to get off,
unmute and interrupt me because I'll stop
and I wanna give you a little bit of time
and then I can always follow up with what I'm teaching.
But I will do my best to get through what I can here
in the next like 20, 30 minutes, let's say.
Okay, dress up means no pants and the warmest winter hat.
Yes, I love it.
Firstly, you even have just a very feminine sweater on.
So even that work, all right.
So I love it.
I wanna see pictures of it.
Okay, ladies.
And also again, I wanna comment.
We don't have as many women today
as we've had in the last couple of weeks.
I think it's because everybody's back to their routines
and stuff after the holidays.
But I want to just celebrate
that every single person I have on this call
at this very moment has their cameras on.
Ladies, that is huge.
I will tell you every single week
I always have someone that can't get their camera on.
Whether they're at work and they can't
or whether it's because there's some insecurity still there.
All right.
So I love that.
I'm super excited.
All right.
So Colette, you don't own a feminine sweater.
Well, I'm gonna challenge you to go find one.
Go thrift store shopping.
Go find something cute.
Ladies, I get some of my stuff on Amazon
because it's hard for me to get out and go shopping.
One, I'm still getting used to this area that I live in.
And it feels like I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
And I'm used to not having to drive far places
to get to where I want.
Sorry, I dropped one of my.
notes here. So I don't I don't enjoy driving. Sometimes I'm
like, I'll just do my shopping from Amazon. So I you know,
there's lots of cute sweaters on Amazon. So Colette, I'm gonna
challenge you to do that this week. I think that's a prompting
for you. Okay. I don't like pink either, girl. I don't. Pink is
not my color. Now, blues, blues are a great color for me. So I
always tend to kind of lean more towards the blues, those
those feminine colors. Okay. So you don't have to like pink.
Feminine just doesn't mean pink. Okay. All right. So all right,
we are about 17 minutes after the hour, I'm going to go ahead
and get us started with the teaching of this week. So myself
and the coaches here in phase two, Ebony, Leah and Bethany,
we've all been kind of chatting. We've each individually been
praying into what God wants. We do this every week, we kind of
just praying what what God wants us to focus on each week when we
do our live calls. And God really spoke to us about this
idea of pursuit. Okay. It's how many of like, how many of you
just by the show of hands have this belief or can recall
hearing this maybe aligning with it or having, you know, this
idea or notion that the man is to pursue to pursue? Yes,
Colette, Kelly. Okay. And Crystal, sorry, I said Colette,
but I was like, I was looking at your name, Colette, but Crystal
was the one. So yeah, so I was the same way when I came into
this program. Okay, my whole dating, I didn't join this
program until I was, I think I was 37. If I recall, it was
2020. I'm 41 now. So yeah, I was 37. And so I had this idea in
my 20s and my 30s, that it was all about the man needing to
pursue me, that it was his job to do that. And so I, you know,
I've spent some time thinking about this and how I want to
teach this to you, ladies. And I'm reminded of how God pursues
us. Okay. But what's important that God reminded me is that
yes, he is pursuing us and he's pursuing after us. But he is a
perfect gentleman. He does not force his will on us. And so a
lot of times that pursuit is an invitation for us to be
intentional and approach him with the same intent to
reciprocate, to initiate things with him. It's a partnership.
Okay. So I know that we have this, maybe this old belief
system that the man is supposed to pursue me. If he doesn't
pursue me, then, you know, it's a no. Okay, because we do talk
to you ladies about it's a yes until it's a no. Okay. And so
sometimes, that's going to stretch some of you ladies
here. Because some of you have walls up, some of you have been
hurt in relationship, you've been hurt by, you know, whether
it's a man in your past man that you dated, maybe it was a former
boyfriend, maybe it was an ex husband, maybe there's been
hurt by, you know, your father, or even your mom, whatever that
is. So we have walls that we have our guards up. And that's
why heart healing is at the center of what we do here at
last year single. Okay, that's why we ask you ladies to hold
off on dating in that first phase. Because that's where
you're going to you really get introduced to that heartwork.
But the truth is that heartwork will continue through this
process. And so it's super important that I express to you
ladies, because we do this in phase one, where, you know, some
of you may recall, and the beginning stages of heartwork,
Jackie gives you some kind of a indication of, hey, there's
going to be some things that you might experience, there might be
some, you know, hurts that come up,
some things that come out of the word work.
It's gonna feel like a scheduled surgery, right?
And there's gonna be things that are gonna surface
and it can cause some pain, right?
And so she talks about that in phase one,
you know, and as we introduce y'all to the heart work,
and then so now that you've gotten that,
you know, foundation of heart work,
now we're gonna open the door to that phase two
where we're gonna say, okay,
now we need to start looking at dating now.
And believe it or not, ladies,
it's important to know that dating for many of you
is going to bring some more things to the surface
that's going to require some heart healing.
Now, the good news is that you don't have to sit here
and feel like you're in the ICU, you know,
kind of doing this intense heart work all the time.
You're like, oh my gosh, now that I have heart work,
am I gonna be, you know, constantly experiencing
this intensity for the rest of my life?
And honestly, ladies, it's not, okay?
I've been, you know, in heart work,
I've been introduced to this since 2020.
I'm actually right now going back through my heart work
and going through the book.
You know, I'm getting more out of it.
I'm having to surface some stuff
and some stuff is starting to come up for me
because now I'm in marriage, ladies.
And ladies, let me tell you,
marriage is gonna bring up more things
that need to get healed.
And so that stuff is coming up
and I'm not responding to my heart work
with the same like fear and intensity
that I kind of was early on
because I've gotten some healing,
I've gotten some growth, okay?
I've experienced that a little bit.
So I think it's important to share with you ladies
that as you're gonna step into dating
and some of you are gonna be like, let's go.
Like, where are the men at?
Sign me up.
You're gonna have guys messaging you,
you're gonna have people come
and you're gonna be open to having a lot of dates.
Some of you are gonna wanna slow it down
and be like, I don't know if I'm ready for this.
That was me.
I waited a lot of time
before I jumped into that dating pool, okay?
And you all are at your own pace, okay?
God is gonna bake you through that journey.
Now us as coaches, we're gonna press you,
we're gonna stretch you,
we're gonna ask Holy Spirit to speak through us for you.
But at the end of the day, it's an invitation.
It's an opportunity for you ladies to get growth.
And so that's why I think it's important for us
to talk about this idea of pursuing
and that God's not going to force his will on you,
but we also have to keep that in mind
with the men that we are coming across, okay?
Because believe it or not,
some of us are harboring some expectations
of men that are not healthy, okay?
So let me ask this,
and I want you ladies giving me your responses in the chat.
What, if any, expectations do you have of men
going into this new season of dating?
So I want you to just press that.
Some of you might need a little time with the Lord,
so you may not hear anything right this second.
Some of you might have some things coming up,
some of you might need a little time.
So for example, some people might be like,
well, it's the man's place to pursue me.
The man is the one that's supposed
to be initiating everything.
Maybe it's the man that has to do
all of the planning for dates.
The man is the one that has to invite me on a date.
Maybe it's, I expect that the man communicate with me
what his intentions are.
So Crystal, you have expectations of men being a gentleman.
So what does that look like?
What does it mean to be a gentleman?
You don't have to answer right now.
Just these ladies are just gonna,
I'm gonna ask you questions
because I want you ladies processing
and spending time with Holy Spirit,
not just right now, but later,
even after the call and into this week.
Okay, so yes, LaVeena, it has been taught.
I was under that same teaching.
But ladies, it's it's also about initiation and reciprocation
Okay
Okay, so I'm like,
Okay
Crystal you don't have to type it out if it's super long, but if you want to you can
So Kelly you don't have a lot of expectations because you're just trying to get to know people's friends great
You do expect that your spirit mate will be a pursuer
So, let's even following with with what Jackie suggests, can you initiate a little communication, but then he needs to take it from there
So yes, there's it's about that healthy balance and it's going to be about learning what that looks like
Okay
So these are just things I want you ladies to be thinking about
Just to be honest
We have a lot of women in this program that miss out on some good guys because their expectations may be regarding a certain type of
Guy like let's first for for example, like that. He needs to plan more is super high
So some ladies will miss out on the opportunity of dating some really good guys because he's just not a planner
So that's why we have to break down what that pursuing that initiating that reciprocation
really looks like
Okay, and heart healing is what's needed at the core as well as our minds that mindset shifts
Because dating will bring a whole new level of heart healing for you ladies, you know be prepared when you first start dating
in this phase that there's gonna you're gonna have some opportunity for growth and
Healing, especially when men respond in ways that may bring up
unhealed heart areas in us
Okay
So I'll give you some of my own examples from what happened with me in this program
Okay
Was I had one guy who boasted about dating a 20 year old
when I declined his invitation to me to get to know him because
Like I declined I declined his invitation to get to know me more because he was older
He's much older than me than I was actually interested in dating his mind you I was I was 30
So when I joined this program, I think he kind of came into the picture around when I was 38 and for me
I really just felt more comfortable at that time dating someone within like
Either five years older or five years younger kind of just depending. It wasn't hard set on that age
It was more about where they're at in their life
But I kind of used that that age as an as a buffer
So I was 38. I was kind of like I don't really want to date anybody older than 43
Maybe 44. I'll push it maybe a little more this guy was like 46 or 47
So he was close to 10 years older than me and I declined it and was not interested in getting to know him
He was someone that was in at the time was in our community and
I just wasn't interested in that. He got super offended when I rejected his offer and he started boasting about
Dating a 20 year old and
ladies it like
it wasn't like
It was an opportunity for me to get to the root of why his response bothered me
I wasn't interested in him, but the way he responded
Bothered me and so I came into the community. I came into our group. I shared it with the women in the community
you know and Jackie had an opportunity to teach me and
help me process through it and
You know, I got I got I was able to kind of release that guy
God showed me a different way of looking at it
And I didn't have to have an ill feeling towards him. I didn't have to judge him
I could see and have compassion with why he was responding the way that he was
Okay, but at first I was like
What like you're disgusting and you're rude like that was my first response to this guy
okay, and so I got some healing there and
Then
another year later I
Was dating another guy who again happened to be part of this community. It doesn't all happen like that ladies like
but
He was a great guy. He's actually still someone that I I consider a friend. I consider him a brother in Christ
We had a date and
We had known each other for over a year and we decided to finally go on a date together and
Had a wonderful day
A few weeks later, he ended up going on a trip,
and he met another girl.
Okay, he's now actually in a very serious,
exclusive relationship with her.
They're super cute.
But guess what?
She's 12 years younger than me.
Now, he was a little bit younger than me,
but she was 12 years younger than me.
So here we go again, like this guy dating a younger woman.
Now, he wasn't boasting about it like the first guy was,
but you know what?
It was another layer, another invitation
for me to grow my heart healing,
because some stuff, some heart wounds came up for me.
Okay, some of you ladies may not know my story,
but I was a single mom when I entered this program.
My son's dad actually left me
when I was seven months pregnant
for a girl who was 12 years younger than me.
Okay, so seven months pregnant.
I mean, it was, there was a lot of,
okay, but this community, this program
actually brought me to a place of healing
where now I can talk about how God healed me in these areas.
And he used guys I dated
to draw out some of that stuff,
some of that heart wound stuff, okay?
So want you ladies to be expectant
of how this dating process can bring up
areas of unhealed areas that will get healing,
some revealing for healing.
So sometimes we're gonna press you and the community
and says most coaches, we're gonna stretch you sometimes
because there could be a layer of heart work that's needed.
And the cool thing is, is God is such a gentle father
that he doesn't rip the Band-Aids off.
He does it in layers.
So you see how, what that one guy was boasting
about the 20 year old, I kind of had started shifting
and being like, I don't have to think of him
in a certain way, because ladies, let me tell you,
some of you ladies, whether you're on live now
or you're gonna hear this in replay,
some of you have been wounded by some men
and it's created some counterfeits
and it's created some beliefs
and some harshness towards men in general.
I had that.
I had to really scale my heart
and God had to show me that not all men are bad.
I had a lot of traumatic things happen with guys I dated,
but God gently started peeling those layers
and showing me through this community
and showing me through the stretching
of what Jackie and this program was asking me to do
and how it was showing up on dates,
how I was learning not to judge and be rigid about men
and just being open-minded
and stepping into a softer divine feminine
to help me in those areas.
A lot of it was just about laying down my right,
like I had to lay down my right.
Okay, that doesn't mean that we don't deserve men
that have the three M's and that are chivalrous.
We don't have to settle for less
than what God's best is for us,
but we also need to make sure
that we are open to heart transformation
that can help us walk in humility
in our attitudes and thoughts towards others.
Some of you ladies, you come and share your,
and I love this, I love that you're sharing
your interactions with men,
but some of you are very hard
to how some of these men are responding to you
and you're throwing the walls up,
you're throwing the judgments up, okay?
I get it, I did it, all right?
But what we're gonna do here
is we're gonna help you walk through that process, okay?
We're giving you invitations to try things differently.
And you ladies, I still will encourage you ladies,
make sure you are having relationship
and conversation with the Lord.
It's so important that you individually go to God.
As coaches here, cannot be your God, all right?
God can use us, we can be a vessel
to pour into you and help you.
But it's important that you hear from God, which, again, I'll remind you, for any of
you that were not able to go to, I think it was two or three weeks ago, we had a special
session.
It's in the replays.
It's How to Hear God.
Bethany Hicks is the one that teaches on that.
So I want to encourage you ladies to go and listen to that.
If that's an area that you feel like, no, I need to hear God more, I don't know what
that means.
I'll encourage you to go do that.
Okay.
So yeah, moving on, I also kind of want to, there's another testimony of mine that I want
to share with you ladies, because I think, on lock of why it's important that we kind
of step out of our comfort zone, give men opportunity, also for us to see how sometimes
we can be blind in one area.
So some of you ladies might remember, some of you ladies have been in phase two a little
bit, and so you might have heard me share this.
If you're new to phase two, you probably haven't, but my husband now, so we're in our second
year of marriage, I almost did not go on a first date with him.
I was ready to cut and run before I even met him.
So we were, we had a long distance thing going on and I didn't meet him until about three
weeks in, and he came to Florida.
He worked in this, worked in that area.
So he rearranged, ladies, he rearranged his trip because originally he was supposed to
come over one weekend where I had my son and I had plans to take my son to a Four King
and Country concert in Orlando.
So like this guy wanted to get to know me.
He had intentions to get to know me and he came in pretty strong.
Here's the thing, ladies, he even deep dived with me and I was like, whoa, like this guy
is sharing too much personal information early on.
Now we teach you ladies, let's scale that back.
Let's not give like, that's not deep dive, right?
Guess what ladies?
Some of you guys, some of you are going to have men that do that because they haven't
been taught that.
And some of you ladies might see that as a sign to cut and run.
I did.
I almost cut and run for my husband because he shared with me some personal trauma that
he experienced when he was a kid.
He also shared with me probably too much information early on about his late wife.
His wife had passed, but the unhealthiness of their marriage, but you know what?
I still saw something that I was like, I'm still open because it was about, it's a yes
until to know it was yellow flags, but I didn't let those yellow flags scare me off.
I also had Jackie lighting a fire under my butt.
Okay.
So sometimes your coaches, myself, Ebony, Bethany, Jackie, we're going to light fires
under your butt.
All right.
We're going to push you to do something that maybe you don't want to do because I did it.
I was like, I was ready to like, no, I don't want to date this guy.
He lives in Texas.
I live in Florida.
I don't really want to move, but I'm open to whatever God wants to do, but I don't really
want to do this.
You know, I was freaked out, like, you know, so I almost didn't go out on this date.
And the reason I almost didn't go on this date with him was because he set up dinner
plans for like at eight or nine o'clock at night.
Ladies, I was a single mom.
Like I was usually in my pajamas and in bed by nine o'clock at night, right?
So I was in my late thirties, but ladies, I was like, no, I don't like to stay up late.
I still don't always like staying up late and he's a night owl and I'm not, so we're
having to kind of like learn how to navigate that.
But you know, I didn't think that was normal.
Like I didn't want to go.
And so, but I was like, okay, I'm going to lean in and I'm going to get myself uncomfortable
and do something I don't necessarily want to do.
Ladies.
I later found out that he got in trouble.
He got reprimanded for leaving work early because he was here on a work trip.
So my husband is in, in, in insurance.
Okay.
He does, um, he specializes in Medicare and so for his world and his like business, middle
of October until that last, uh, first week, middle of October to the first week, the ending
of the first week of December is his busiest time of year.
I mean, that man will work from the morning he wakes up until the morning moment he goes
to bed.
So that last weekend of AEP, which is annual enrollment period, which is the time where
people.
have Medicare, can change their Medicare plans for the following year.
He left work early to drive down from Clearwater to like the Bradenton,
Sarasota area to go on a date with me.
So he had to make it like nine or eight or nine o'clock at night.
He got yelled at by his boss at the time.
All right.
So it wasn't that he like wanted to have a late dinner.
It was just what he could sacrifice.
I could have sat there and judged him and been rigid and been stuck at my ways.
Like he's not being very gentlemanly.
He didn't ask me at the time.
He just set a time, whatever.
Like we could, I could have gotten stuck there.
Okay.
It's super important that we have to remember to give guys grace.
Cause let me ask you ladies, what area in your life do you struggle with?
Where do you fall short?
We all have shortcomings, right?
Is there anything that you fall short in?
Share that in the, in the chat.
What's an area that you might fall short in?
I'm going to try to get through this last little bit so that way I
can leave some space for Kelly.
So Crystal, like giving short responses.
That's an area that maybe you fall short in.
I love that.
The reason I'm asking you ladies to think about that.
So Amanda, she falls short with patience, right?
No.
So let me now ask you ladies, Colette anxiousness, girl, I'm right there with
anxiousness girl.
I'm right there with you.
I fall short because I struggle, believe it or not.
I struggle with anxiety a lot, especially now in this new season of
marriage and I'm blending a family.
Like I'm having to learn a whole new way of, of, of life at times.
And I fall short in that area.
So ladies in these areas that you are falling short in, how does it make you
feel when people practice extending grace for that?
Patience is a good one.
I struggle with patience with my kids.
Y'all have patience with other people.
I struggle with patience for my kids, but I'm so thankful when my kids extend
grace to me for my lack of patience sometimes with them.
The ladies, the reason why I'm asking this of you ladies is because if we fall
short in areas and we appreciate the extension of grace, do you think it's
possible that men are going to fall short too?
Doesn't mean that we have to, you know, accept unacceptable behavior, but I do.
That's why coming into this community and letting us know what you're experiencing.
What actions men are taking, how you're responding to it,
how they're responding to you.
We can help you navigate that.
Like my husband and I fall short daily and we choose grace
and love daily with each other.
Ladies, remember that this season is preparation for marriage.
Some of you have never been married.
I had never been married before.
Okay.
So I can't say that I'm an expert in this area, but I can say I've got, you
know, a little, little over a year under my belt, you know, I've linked
arms with other married couples.
Obviously Jackie and David are someone that I lean on often in this area.
Some of you ladies have been married before, so you have some experience.
I know some ladies that are in our community, they've been widowed.
They had great marriages and their husbands have passed.
I know some ladies have had been married and had not so great marriages, but
there's been learning experience and all of that, and I don't think that Ebony
would, would mind me sharing this, but she was previously married and she
even will tell you that, you know, there was some stuff and it was a rescue
mission for her, but she has pulled a lot of growth and learning and healing
in areas that she had to grow in.
And what marriage is really like, because ladies, like you got to prepare
to give men grace because you are going to have to give grace to your husband.
Your kids are going to give grace to, and let's not forget.
your in-laws, okay?
So grace is so important.
So I challenge you ladies as you step into dating
to be asking about grace for some of the men
that you're dating and the expectations
that you may be holding them to.
Maybe they're not planners.
Maybe they're not great at like, you know,
setting something up and confirming a plan with you.
Some people are just not planners.
I'm a planner.
My husband is not a planner.
Drives me crazy.
A lot of my friends are seven on Enneagram.
I am a six.
I like to plan.
So like, sometimes I get pushed.
So I'm like, why do I have to plan everything?
Nobody plans anything.
Everybody's just like lackadaisical.
It's gonna be some men that are like that, okay?
It's gonna be a learning opportunity for you.
And ladies, I say this because if you don't work
through some of this stuff now, believe it or not,
you're gonna work through it in marriage
because marriage is God's maturity plan for mankind.
And let me tell you, there's some areas right now
where I'm like, man, I probably had opportunities
to work on this, but I didn't when I was single
that now I'm working on in marriage.
And I'm like, oh, this would have been great
if I worked on this when I was single.
But God is so good and he's so gentle.
He gave me a very loving, patient husband
that probably chooses to give me grace
more than I probably give him grace.
So yeah.
So yeah, when you've been in abusive relationships, 100%.
Ladies, I have been in some pretty abusive relationships too.
I get it.
This is, God's not here to fix us, he's here to heal us.
But I like what you said, there's balance.
Balance is key in all of this.
That's why we have this community to lean on, so good.
All right, I know I kind of left y'all with some heavy stuff,
but I really feel Holy Spirit on what he wants to do
for you ladies in this season of dating.
There's going to be the ups and downs and all of that.
Ladies, I experienced it, but I will tell you,
like this community and being able to share that experience,
there's so much growth that can happen.
And the things I have seen God do in this community,
in love stories, not just in my own,
but in so many other love stories is incredible.
And if he's going to do that for other women
in this community, he won't do that for all of you.
And you're going to look back,
like I did this last few days,
look back at where you were and what you were posting about
and what you shared and what experiences you had on dates
and questions that you had.
I had questions about the faith.
When do I know if this guy's like walking
in the same faith as me?
And it was like, before I went on a date with him,
I'm like, I need to know if he's a follower of Jesus.
And so like, I get it.
Like, I have those same questions.
You know, same questions about how God like,
why is this guy not contacting me?
Like all the things, all the things that you ask, ladies,
I ask those same questions and I have proof
because I went back at my receipt
then I looked at them all and I was like,
dang, that happens.
But now I'm on the other side of it, ladies.
And I get to pour that into you and let you all know
like so much growth and God is so good.
And he's just gonna do some awesome things, okay?
All right, Kelly, hopefully I've given you enough time.
I want you to unmute
because I know that you wanna share what's going on.
I hope that what I've spoken on today
maybe has spoken into the situation
that you were gonna share about,
but I wanna know your thoughts.
I wanna know what's going on.
Yes, that's actually exactly the situation I'm in.
So I went on a coffee date with a guy
last week and it was really nice.
And I really had a good time.
He's the second person I've gone out with.
I've gone out with another guy three times.
Okay.
And it was very good.
very nice. Although I wasn't like, again, super thrilled to
go out with him. But I felt like, well, I'm gonna give him a
chance. And he seems like a guy and we have a mutual friend. And
then it was very nice. But then he has been. He texted me after
the coffee date saying, Oh, I decided to go to Costco or
whatever. And I was like, Oh, that's brave of you. Good job,
you know. And then he texted me the next day, make small talk.
And then the next morning, he texted me. I mean, this is after
one coffee. Good morning, Kelly, I hope you have a wonderful day
something about the Lord. Then that afternoon, he texted me
again. And then that night, and then it's been every morning and
every night. And at first, and we in the course of our coffee, I
explained that I was just getting to know people and going
very slow. And he even made the comment. Yeah, because you don't
want to rush into anything. And I was like, exactly. I'm just
really trying to get to know people as friends. And, and I
didn't say I'm dating other people, or I'm going on coffee
dates with people. I just said, I'm just trying to get to know
people as friends. So now, he's call he's texting at the date,
he asked, he said, I'm going to get off of Facebook dating. Can
I get your phone number? And I said, Yeah, I said, but I don't
have a whole lot of time for talking on the phone right now.
Because I do have an extremely busy life. And in turn, I'm also
trying to meet other people and online communicate with other
people. And this was just one coffee. And I had already
agreed in the course of the date, he said, Well, when we go on our
second date, and he's like, Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have
assumed. And I said, No, we can have a second date. Yeah. And so
to me, I'm like, yeah, we're gonna have another date. Well,
now he's been texting every morning and night, sending not
inappropriate, but like, texts that you would send to a
boyfriend or girlfriend, you know. And I feel like that was
Thursday when our coffee was we have a date lined up for
Saturday. But I'm starting to feel extremely turned off by him
texting. And like, I started I stopped answering like at first,
I would just answer with a polite, but curt, a short
answer, and not ask another question. And even in the in our
date, when I mentioned about like, not really wanting, I'm
not really don't want to talk on the phone a lot right now. He's
like, Well, that's kind of the thing, you know, when you're our
age, we're busy, but you have to make time to get to know people.
And I said, Absolutely. Again, I didn't want to say I'm making
time for a lot of people. So I don't have a whole lot of time
for you. That's the thing is like, you don't you don't have
to say it. So I don't think there's any pressure that you
have to express that.
I guess what's hard is I don't have a date set. I'm perfectly
comfortable having this conversation. But I prefer to do
it in person. Yeah. But he's gonna make me want to not go on
the date at all. If he keeps up this, like, okay, every day.
There's a couple things because I know you're short on time. And
so I want to make sure that I respond to you. So what I heard
you say is that you communicated to him when he asked you for
your number, that you said you don't have a lot of time to talk
for phone calls, or phone calls. And then I said, he's starting
to text now. Yeah. And I and what I said was, let's just get
together instead. It was like, I don't want to talk for two hours
on the phone. Let's just have coffee.
You know, this, this is where again, like, you're, what week
are you in on phase two?
Probably in like the third or fourth week at this point.
Okay, so you haven't watched that boundaries video yet.
Well, I did watch it before I got on the app and started
redoing it. Okay. So I have seen it.
Definitely maybe revisit some of that. I think this is going to
be where you have the opportunity to set some more
clear, communicate more clear boundaries. And I think it's the
going on the date and setting that up. Because here's the
thing, we may think we're setting a clear boundary, but
they may not hear the boundary.
I guess my specific question was, how, what lane? I'd rather
wait and do this face to face. But he's not giving me that
opportunity because he's texting nonstop. So if I need to have a
conversation now, over the phone, which I'm not really that
comfortable with, could you give me some language and how to
address it while also trying to be gracious and give him a
chance? Because really, I want to cut him off. But I'm trying
to I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna press you maybe not to
cut and run just yet. Well, I'm trying not to that's not your
spirit mate. We're cool with that. We're cool. If he's not
your spirit mate, we're not even going to think about whether he
is or is not. We're going to look at this as an opportunity
to grow and kind of, cause I'm hearing, I'm hearing you're uncomfortable.
I'm hearing, I'm curious.
Have you taken, uh, the attachment style quiz?
I am an anxious attacher, which is why I'm asking for input on how to give him
grace and continue to give him a chance.
So, yeah, so I've already intended to continue giving him a chance, but I
need some language because so here's where I will, ladies, I will, I will be
very, um, forward with this ladies.
We have to communicate out of honesty.
We have to not be on guard, but we're practicing a feminine soft spirit,
but be open, be honest with him.
Hey, um, I'm new to this dating, you know, I'm trying to do things differently.
You might even share I'm in this program, I'm in this mentorship where
I'm learning new practices for dating.
I'm learning to pace myself.
I'm learning to get to know people and, um, I've enjoyed, you know, getting
to know you, but I'm starting to feel some anxiousness with how our interactions
are, um, and then say, I was very, um, I want to communicate that.
I need this to go slow.
I don't really particularly like the back and forth and a lot of texting.
Do you think it would be okay if we scale that back?
I want to spend time getting to know you, but I'm worried that if I don't
communicate what my needs and my wants are that, um, I'm going to get too
anxious and I'm going to miss out on an opportunity to get to know who you
really are and set those boundaries, be very clear and honest.
Hey, I'm new at this.
Um, I'm trying to communicate that I'm feeling a little anxious.
I don't want to rush into things.
Um, you know, even be honest, say, Hey, there's you text a lot and
I'm not sure how I'm to take it.
It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.
Okay.
I don't feel like they may be.
And, and I'm, and I'm not trying to put words in your mouth.
This.
So if, if some of this doesn't seem like what you actually do intent, like
feel, or I would be like, I'm feeling like I'm not being heard.
Yeah.
And I don't feel anxious.
I feel turned off, but I'm trying to give him that you're turned.
No, I'm not going to be an anxious attacher too.
He is.
And I'm feeling that and I'm just trying to figure out a nice way.
That's why I want to give him grace because I understand.
I always think community is so much, you know, if we approach it with a soft,
honest, sincere heart, you now give them an opportunity to respond to your
sincerity, as long as again, like.
Right.
Like pray before you have the conversation, ask the Lord to, you
know, give you the words, the softness, the, the, you know, the intentionality
of that and the grace to do that.
Cause God can give us the grace for that.
And at that point, if you have done your part of being honest, sincere, gracious,
and that's your heart posture, how he responds now is going to be on him.
Yeah.
Opportunity for you to see.
Is he willing to reciprocate that same thing?
Yeah, go a couple of different ways.
He could be like, Oh my goodness.
Like, I'm really sorry.
Absolutely.
I'll scale this back.
I didn't mean to make you feel that way.
Um, what would work for you?
Let's set up a date.
How's this Saturday work?
He could do all of those things.
He could be like, snap off on you.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I've seen guys do that before too.
And at that point, if they respond in that way and they don't respect the
boundary, then you have more information and then you can choose to go and
how you want to move forward.
That's more what it feels like, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the
doubt that he's just being anxious.
And again, like I've already had this conversation with somebody
else and it worked out great.
Yep.
But I felt like he's, we had one coffee and it was nice, but then all
of a sudden it's been nonstop.
And so it's really like very overwhelming, you know, usually people wait a couple
of days and then they check in and, Oh yeah, you know, I had a similar
experience that happened with me.
I think, you know, some of you ladies might recall, like I had one guy, I went
on like three dates with, and I ended up having to kind of really.
him and I wasn't sure he was such a great guy, super nice, but he just pushed that boundary.
Yes. Ready to kind of go all in and he was like all for it. And I think about it, but I, I, I,
I waited it out at least for three dates. We had a fourth date set up. He pressed a little bit more.
He wanted to do a Bible study with me and ladies. I mean, this is a whole nother teaching that we
can do on. We don't advise you diving into the spiritual stuff with someone in a level one and
level two. Like don't do the, like we, we advise you ladies not to pray with or do Bible studies
with any man that you are not in a level three exclusive relationship with. So I was not an
exclusive relationship with this dude and he wanted to have Bible study. I didn't, I felt
like he was kind of leaning on me more than what I felt comfortable with because I wanted him to
have his own walk with the Lord. I didn't want him leaning on me for that because for me, it was
important that I had a man that was going to lead his home spiritually in a way. I think women and
men, like, especially when you have kids, I think women spiritually can lead a family in certain
ways. And I think men can do the same thing. I needed that balance. I didn't feel that balance
from him. And so I had to kind of cut it off. I gave him three dates though. He was very much like,
you know, all about me. He was super nice. He was super intentional. He really did make me feel
cherished and that I was special, which was good. Cause I didn't always feel that. I always felt
like I had to force men to make me feel that way. I was very codependent. And so it was nice to not
feel like I needed that, but he just offered it, but it was coming from unhealthy places in him.
And so, but again, I, I always tell you ladies two to three dates before you say it's a hard,
no. Now, obviously if they are inappropriate, they're abusive. If they're rude and harsh,
they're not respectful. I mean, there's all certain things. There's obviously exceptions
to the hard no. Okay. But that's why we tell you ladies come to community. Cause we'll tell you
like, Whoa, this is a hard, no, this is a blessing block situation. Don't give this guy a time of day.
But a lot of times it can be, well, let's let's, this is yellow. Let's see if that yellow flag
turns green or if it turns red. Okay. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Keep us posted with
what happens. Okay. Okay. All right. Thank you, Kelly. Bye. Awesome. Okay. Ladies.
So I know Kelly has to jump off of work. I, now that we've gone through that one coaching set,
like person here. And I've done some of the teaching. Does anybody have questions? I think
Lily was on here earlier, but she jumped off. I know she wanted some ideas about how to have
conversation. So hopefully maybe she can jump on it a little later because we can always go over
that. If you ladies think it will be helpful. But I want to open the floor to you ladies.
What's going on? I see a few of you. I've seen you all posting in the community.
I know Crystal, you've posted. I want to celebrate what happened for you. That was really awesome.
Your win of this week. I'm, I'm just really excited for you. I know Colette, you've been
posting in community. Lavina, I've seen you post. Melissa, I think you've posted before in the app,
right? This week. Good, good, good. Awesome. Well, I love it. Ladies keep doing that. So
Melissa, you've got your hand raised. So what's your question? What's your feedback? What's,
what's, what's going on in your mind right now? Well, I mean, I had a similar situation
that she was talking about because last week I met up with this guy. He actually initially
wanted to have dinner with me, but last week with my custody, my son, he's almost an adult,
but he's still, he's a senior in high school. We do one week on and one week off. Like,
so he's with his dad one week, then he's with me. So last week was his week with me. And I didn't
initially know his work schedule when the person had asked me about going to dinner on Thursday,
because his schedule comes out on Saturdays. And so he wasn't working. So I wasn't planning on
going to a dinner because that's my time to spend with my son. So I didn't want to
tell that explanation because I'm learning that's too much information. He doesn't need
to know about my custody situation. Yeah. Cause have you, you guys have gone on,
how many dates have you gone on? No, we hadn't went on any dates yet.
Yeah, that's good.
Just waiting for a proper time.
Yep.
Absolutely.
I just said that I had a family obligation.
I would not be able to go to dinner.
And he was like, well, what about if we just meet a little bit before
that, because his, what he invited me to do was go to a restaurant where
there was a, the sugar bowl was on and to have some drinks or eat appetizers
or whatever, um, so I was like, okay, well, I thought about it and I actually
had some errands that I needed to do cause it was near a mall, so I went
ahead and I said, well, I can do that.
I have some errands nearby.
I can slip by for a moment.
Um, so I'd already explained that I had an obligation.
So we're there and we're talking.
Well, come to find out, he actually went to the same high school that I went to
before my parents got divorced and moved.
And then the more I talk with him, I realized that he was my first
cousins, like best friend.
Like I remembered when he told me his last name, I remember, and I'm like,
oh, and, and he was like, yeah.
And he even knew my cousin's like, um, nickname.
So he wasn't like making it up and stuff.
But to me, I was just feeling like God set this up for me.
So this was my first date since my divorce.
And I, so it's been like 20 years since I went out on a date.
So I was just thinking God was helping me.
So I would not be like stressed out because I don't need to be worried
that it's a murder or whatever.
You know what I mean?
Like, and I was enjoying myself and I liked his personality, like how, how he
was, um, but then when I left, he seemed pretty cool with it.
I was like, cause he was like, when do you need to leave?
I'm like, I said, well, actually I should have left like 15 minutes ago.
I told him.
And so I stayed a few more moments and then I left and I was really only
there like 30, maybe 40 minutes at the top.
So I did feel bad.
That was like a really quick, but he was planning on being there.
So I wasn't feeling bad about that.
But anyway, I don't even get to my car and he's already texting me through the
app, like, oh, I, by the way, I think you're really attractive.
And then he sends me this thing saying he loves my personality and loves that
when I approached him that I shook his hand, like I thought, okay, that's, to
me, that's just normal things you do.
And I, I just go about my business, but I had told him that I would text him when
I got home because he had all the men I'm meeting on these apps right away.
They're like, just text me at this number, which I'm not doing.
And yeah, I know.
And I get that 100%, like it is.
There's some guys that are very forward.
And yeah, with time, I think again, for me, it took me time to warm up to that.
So ladies, if any of you are experiencing that, just know, give yourself time to
warm up to the dating scene, especially online, where I wouldn't say be a hard
know that you're not going to exchange your number.
Um, now what we do express you ladies get, get Google voice, get a Google number so
that you're not giving out your personal number until you've gotten to know them.
Or just say, Hey, I'm not comfortable giving out my number, but let's jump on a
zoom.
Yeah.
Let's do a face to face.
You'll, as you, as you get, as you get more experience, it will come more natural.
Okay.
So with the reason why I was saying this, so since I, I felt comfortable giving him
my number after I knew, cause I'm from a small town.
So once I do, I'm like, it was somebody that you knew there was some community
connection there.
So I said, when I get home, I will send you my number.
Well, I guess he had a timeframe.
He's already putting on the app.
Well, I guess you're turned off because you realize we know so many of the same
people and it's going like that direction.
He's got some insecurities.
I think he was trying to be intentional.
I think he really likes you.
Thank you.
You know, you're an attractive woman.
You are very personable.
You can hold a conversation.
And so that's a very attractive.
And so it sounds like he was interested.
Okay.
But it sounds like he also may be an anxious attacher and may have some
insecurities.
I wouldn't say cut and run.
I would practice grace, practice getting to know him, um, practice boundaries,
practice your communication, discover what you like about his character and
quality.
Are there things about him that are attractive?
Okay.
Not just physical attraction.
Okay.
When I say that, just know, like, you'll hear me say that often.
I'm not always talking about physical attraction.
A lot of times I'm not talking about physical attraction, talking about
characteristics and attributes and qualities about a person that draw you in
that you are like interested in them, that you find endearing.
Okay.
So.
Look for some of that fruit there, see if there is some.
If there's some things that come up that you're like,
this, I don't like this, I don't like this.
Or maybe even be processing, Lord,
when he does this or says this or responds to this,
this is what is getting brought up in my spirit.
Right.
Some areas that I can heal from.
How can this man help me, this date, this opportunity,
help me in my own growth and healing and preparation?
And that's what I was trying because,
so with my divorce, my ex-husband, he has,
I don't call him a narcissist
because you're not supposed to do that,
but he has a lot of narcissistic traits.
So some of what this guy has been texting me
is reminding me of that.
But I know that not everybody
that is saying these quotes is a narcissist.
But like even this morning,
he had texted me on my phone number last night
and I had a migraine and I fell asleep by accident.
So I just like was trying to tell him
that I wasn't ignoring him.
And he brought up, he called himself ugly
and he put it in quotation marks, but not currently.
He says, now that you remember the young me,
the young ugly me, you probably don't want to date me.
So my ex used to always call himself ugly and stuff to like,
it, so it was kind of like,
that's why I thought I needed to discuss it with you guys
because I don't want to just be basing it off
of my previous interaction with somebody else
when it could be different.
But when I'm around him, he seems really confident.
That's one of the things I like about him.
But when he's texting me these things,
he's done it like three times where he thinks that.
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying.
That just sounds like he needs some healing.
Now it's not your job to supply that.
Okay, ladies, we're not here when we go on dates
to go sit and fix and help heal men.
Like that, you don't want to get into that seat.
But it just seems like maybe there's some areas
of healing and growth that he needs.
And so as you get to know him, maybe on a second
or I would say by third date, just ask him.
I've heard you make comments about yourself
that are not life-giving.
You know, what is that?
Can you, like, why do you think you do that?
Yeah.
You know, just ask more questions for clarification
and see the response.
Okay, because I already agreed to go.
I always think this.
I'm like, well, why did you say that you are ugly?
Like, why do you not, why do you have,
why would you think that I wouldn't be interested
in getting to know you?
I've only got, you know, we've only been out once or twice.
Yeah, and I've agreed to go on another date.
So that's why I don't understand why he's responding
this way, because if I felt that way,
I wouldn't be continuing to set up plans with him, you know?
Yeah, I'd say give it another date, maybe a second one.
If you continue to kind of see that behavior,
I think, you know, if you have peace about letting that go
and just using it as an opportunity,
I think you brought up some things that he said
that your former husband said.
And so maybe that's just God kind of giving you
a little indication of some more, like, processing
and healing and growth in that, you know,
past relationship, kind of maybe, you know,
going and asking questions about, you know,
when your former husband did that, what memories come up?
What, how did it make you feel?
Yeah, it was so exhausting to me to be in that constant,
to have to affirm somebody, no, no, I don't think that way.
So, yeah, and look at that and see, you know, what comes up.
But it sounds like if this man is gonna continue it,
I think it's healthy for you to see how, you know,
you might've been attracted to that previous
and got involved in that in the past,
but as you come into this new you that's healing
and is working on your heart,
that you find that you're not attracted
to the things that you once were,
or finding yourself in that,
ooh, I got Holy Spirit chills on that,
because that is something that,
I say that because it happened to me.
Okay.
I was so attracted to a lot of unhealthy men
in my 20s and 30s,
and God used guys that I was dating
when I came into this program
to show me how I was healing and growing,
because Jackie has shared before,
and what we say in this community,
what you believe you become,
what you become, what attracts you.
act. So I had this belief of insecurities and all these things and unhealthy stuff.
I was breaking off those beliefs, replacing it with God's truth. Guess what? I started
attracting healthier men. I was starting to find that I was less attractive to the unhealthy
ones. Ladies, I was attracted to all the unhealthy. If that guy was unhealthy, sign me up. If
the guy was healthy, next. I was chasing after all the unhealthy guys. God used this community
and the guys I dated to show me I was not that old person anymore. I was being transformed.
I was being made new. God was coming in and healing my heart. That could possibly be what's
happening for you. So just ponder on that. Spend some time with Holy Spirit on it. Keep
us posted. Still communicate. Give yourself maybe another date, three dates tops. See
what's coming up, what memories you have, what's being exposed. What's God showing you?
What invitation is he giving you? Okay. All right. Thank you. I'm going to go out. I'm
going to meet someone else tonight so I can come air the interactions. Yeah, ladies have fun.
I haven't met him yet, but I feel like he respects my boundaries already more because he gave
me his phone number initially too. And I never did anything. And later on, he said, well,
I know I gave you my number before, but it's okay if you just, if you just want to text
with me on here. So I, I really appreciated that. I didn't even bring it up. So we'll
see how he is in person. Have fun with it, ladies. Like, uh, yeah, just have, have a
good time with it. But thank you. I do feel like the gods showed me even from talking
to people, just what you said, he's, he's already healed some things from my past. People
have given, um, just their interactions. It's, I don't know how to explain it, but you know
what I'm talking about? I definitely feel that's what he's doing. So good. Good. I love
that for you. Awesome. Thank you. Thank you, Melissa. Thank you for sharing crystal. Hey,
okay. Well, I don't have a dating question. You probably already knew that after last week.
And I want to preface this and I, just because we talk like this is the dating phase.
Does it mean that all y'all are going to be dating right this moment? Does it mean that
there's not breakthrough that you can have in this phase? It doesn't mean that there's not
something that God can use and show you. Okay. Y'all are on your own journeys here. So crystal,
I love that. You're still coming with the questions. So what what's going on?
So I'm just going through the material. We discussed that. I was going to go through the
material, you know, but I'm still, you know, seeking God and I'm, you know, I have all of
my best friends are men. So I'm around lots of men. It's not like, I mean, I hate men actually.
I like, I really like men. So like, Hey, you know, you have a lot of single neighbors, not
that any of them I would ever be involved with or whatever, you know, they're, we already, I already
know all their beliefs or whatever, but I mean, I cook for them and I do things and they help me
and help them. So, you know, we have lots of, I have lots of healthy interactions with practice
being in your feminine around, around the masculine. Yeah. So, but I was bringing up
that's been on my mind, you know, as I'm working through the material and stuff like that. And then,
you know, I told you that I have a little bit of a situation with, with my ex and whatever,
and I would like to, I would like to date long distance, but I haven't, I haven't even gotten
to that point yet, but you know, like I, so I have a large calling on my life. Okay. I run
two large businesses and I am very authentic and real to who I am. So I run two large health and
wellness businesses. So, I mean, like the only reason I have gray hair was that I shaved my head
bald. Okay. Because when I did someone's blood analysis here in my office, I was using some
natural hair dye and they saw it in there. They're like, they asked me to see my blood. So I put it
up. Cause I, I never have any discretion to describe. I'm like, if they want to see it,
I'm going to show them anyways. They were like, what's that? I was like, Ooh, that's the natural
hair dye. So I shaved my head off. I was like, this won't happen again. I was like who I am
and what I ask you to do. I do myself first before, if I ask you to do something, I always
do it myself first. I will never ask you to do anything I don't do. So when I made my never,
will I ever date list? Okay. That's where I want to go with my question. Okay. Because Bethany said,
you know, she was looking for someone in ministry. Okay. So you know, and I, so my family has always
like, you know, my parents both passed away suddenly, but they both worked for me and,
you know, they,
they kind of supported and came alongside.
And, you know, like, so, you know, a lot of the, you know,
when we come into this second phase,
Jackie's like, you hold food and, you know,
all this kind of stuff.
That's just like elemental to me.
Like, you know, I don't eat wheat.
I don't eat white sugar.
I don't eat, you know, I only drink water.
You know, all of these things
for my health and wellness business.
So I had a big list and Bethany was like, you know,
you should be open-handed with the list.
Now we didn't go back and discuss it
because she didn't, we didn't discuss any
of what we're discussing.
But how do you, like, for me, right?
Because like, I'm, I mean, I do,
I run a huge health and wellness business.
I don't believe in vaccines, you know.
Yep.
Close your ears, ladies.
If it's not your beliefs, have your own beliefs, whatever.
I'm not saying do what I do.
But for me, like someone who wants to vaccinate their kids,
because one of my God-numbered negotiables
is that I want to have kids.
You know, I would like to homeschool and travel
because I do travel a lot for my business.
That being said, I am not stuck in my ways.
I am willing to lay down my business
and never work again if that's what my husband wants.
So don't take that from me at all.
But I still would hold to those beliefs, you know,
that I wouldn't want my kids vaccinated.
I do, you know, there is no white sugar in my house.
You know, you can't get coffee here.
And when you bring coffee to my office,
you're asked to leave it in your car.
You know, that's who I am.
So as I kind of like think and I read through
and I see the dates, you know, and stuff like that,
because I'm like gleaning from everyone's experiences,
I'm like, how do I navigate through,
like when I get in there and like,
because I kind of went through my list again after Bethany,
I was thinking like, how do you pick apart these things
that go along with the business?
And then like, but also like,
it's a yes until it's a no kind of thing, you know?
So, and having the open hands, you know, with that.
But I believe that this is a large calling
that I have on my life.
And, you know, at this moment in time,
I don't feel like it's something
that God wants me to lay down.
This is all good.
A few things are coming up in my spirit to kind of share on,
because I think a lot of it is about balance.
And so, I have, we talk often about destiny DNA in here.
And it sounds that you have an understanding
of what that destiny DNA is.
What God has purposed you for,
what he's pressed on your heart and how important that is.
I think what you're doing is like, I love it.
I love hearing when people talk about this kind of business.
And so, I can relate to what you're expressing.
And so, it's going to be important for you
when you are, you know, dating
and potentially looking at those dates spirit mate,
is that they are in alignment with your destiny DNA.
They're gonna share some of the same passions that you do.
100%, okay?
Kind of like Bethany talked,
like she was looking for someone
who had the destiny DNA themselves with ministry,
because she knows that was her calling.
So, she had to be in alignment with someone
that was going to walk in the same direction that she was.
Okay?
That-
But give me an example of something that was on my list.
And maybe it's just a trauma from there, okay?
Because, you know, I trained with a business trainer.
I am the biggest giver you'll probably ever run into.
You know, so my goal was I wanted to give someone,
buy someone a car, just hand them the keys.
I wanted, I've paid for someone's half a house.
My next goal is to actually just drop the mortgage
on someone's house for them, okay?
So, when I was in my relationship with my ex-fiancee,
and we weren't married, but we were planning on,
you know, just coming together
and putting our finances together.
Now, I don't say this to sound rude or ignorant
or big pig-headed,
but I make an exuberant amount of money, okay?
So, and we weren't together, we weren't married.
And at church or whatever with people,
I mean, sometimes I would just drop
like large sums of money.
I've heard Jackie and Davey talk about it
and how they go back and forth and stuff like this,
but we weren't married or tied.
And, you know, this was,
and every time I would just give, you know,
like this, like exuberant money to people,
he wouldn't speak to me for a week.
So, on my list, I had someone who I have,
I won't date someone who's not a giver,
or, you know, a huge tither, you know?
But is that, is that how to hurt?
Or is that?
Like, I think, now, if it starts showing up,
so that's why when you get into that dating scene,
because I know we're waiting, okay?
And I commend you for that.
Like, I partner with you on that.
Once you do step into that dating,
then as situations,
Occur and happen. There may be some revealing for healings there, but all of the things that you're saying I think are great
I think you're you're finding, you know, what's important to you what you value we're talking about destiny DNA
They need to be you know on the same path as you they need to be understanding of
Your belief of you know health and wellness that's gonna be important
Like you're gonna want to partner with somebody who finds health and wellness of the same priority that you do
Because otherwise then it's like it can get mucky right and so same thing like I think you are
You're seeing what?
characteristics and qualities are
attractive to you is
someone who makes health and wellness a priority someone who has a
Servant heart a sacrificial giving heart
That you're gonna see that heart posture in them. And those are things as you date
You are looking for that fruit doesn't mean that in date number one and date number two
You're gonna see evidence of that right away
Okay, so when you get to that point
That's where we're gonna say keep it loose
Okay, keep that hand loose about your I will never date someone like this
Go out on dates with guys that you think you know, I don't think they are on the same path as I am
Just give it a shot
You know, I like I said my husband there was this things like I was just like no no and it was you know
in our
in our actions and our conversations
where God was God was moving and God was giving confirmation and showing me how
He had matched me and my husband in ways that like I would have never been able to force
And so that's what we're saying is
Don't be hard set on a no be open to dating ladies
Some of you are gonna date guys that you know early on even probably before you go on the date
They're not a love that love connection. I
Don't know if I've shared this in here with you ladies recently, but I know some of my past ladies know this. I
took a year to date and
It was because Jackie forced me out of the nest
She basically was like Carla. You need to date. I
Want you to connect with this guy? He's not a love connection for you
She purposely put me on this like course with this guy that lived like two hours from me
And she's like he's not your husband, but you need to go on a date
Just data just go on a date. That's it
So some of you ladies are going to go on dates with people that are not your spirit mate
but it's going to be the practice and the process and what God wants to do through those
opportunities to heal and cover
Cultivate prepare. There's all these things that he's gonna do
So I love crystal that you have these foundations of what's important to you
Don't let those things go
But don't make it a no just to not go on a date with somebody
Be open to it and as you when you step into dating and as those things come as those dates come and
Interactions take place and this stuff is gonna start surfacing then we can kind of navigate that with you
Okay, so I mean I again I relate to you on so many things
With beliefs so I mean I have a son I did not vaccinate him and so I
Am I and my son's dad pushed?
Me against like I mean he he he and I butted heads with that. And so it was important that I I
Asked the Lord, please. Give me a husband. That's going to be in alignment with a lot of the beliefs
I have with how to raise kids
Okay, and so lo and behold my husband didn't vaccinate his kids either. He was homeschooling his kids
I always wanted to homeschool now. We did we did the homeschooling thing last year y'all it did not work. I
Tried it out and I was like this ain't working. This is not great for planning a family. There's been so much trauma
This is not good for me as a bonus mom to also turn around be teacher. So
That's where I had we had to open that loosely, too
So, I mean my husband was very like headstrong about homeschooling. I
Mean it took me to a point of tears and frustration and almost like I was breaking down
Mentally, I had a mental breakdown
with it and I had to get to a place of complete brokenness for my husband to be like, oh
and then God spoke to
And he's like, this is killing your wife.
Like, let it go.
And my husband did.
He let it go.
And my kids just finished their first semester.
They're back today.
And it's just been a smoother ride.
It's not perfect, but it's smoother.
I'll tell you that.
So it was important that we had some of the same alignments.
But again, it was kind of holding things loosey.
My husband was not, he doesn't eat gluten.
He doesn't eat sugar.
He wouldn't want, he didn't want the kids drinking milk.
And ladies, I was like all about the organic raw milk,
whole milk, all that.
He was like, no, they're not supposed to drink milk.
And so those were things that we had to work through together
to compromise.
So there was some things that he let go.
There was some things that I let go.
And that's that balance, that process
in growing with your spirit mate.
But right now we don't have to focus on the
has to have this, doesn't have this.
But I think it's important that in this process
you're learning what's important to you.
What's your destiny DNA?
What are you passionate about?
And knowing that God's got an intentional person for you.
He's so intentional about each and every one
of y'all's spirit mate.
He's doing this dating.
And in the second, as Jackie's asked us to do with this,
you know, I live in too small a community
with the threats on my life with my ex-fiancee.
Is there a way to set this up
so that I can just start this long distance?
I don't believe that I'm meant to stay here anyways.
I mean, right now they're working on a US visa for me, so.
When you, like, I would think, I mean,
online dating is always an option.
I know it's some things that people really do resist
but it will, I mean, you'll be surprised
how you can use technology to be in contact
with people that don't live near you.
So, I mean, I did the online dating thing,
but I was also, I shared in my community,
hey, if you know anybody, send them my way.
And so I had that, I had the online dating stuff,
like Facebook dating, and then I also had people
that I worked with, people at my church
that would try to introduce me to people.
I had this community of women, and believe it or not,
that's how I met my husband.
One of the women that was a friend of mine
in this community, I was living in Sarasota, Florida.
She was living in Atlanta at one time,
then moved to North Dakota, and now she's in Missouri.
And she was on a Facebook group for Christian singles,
not aligned with our community,
and saw my husband's profile.
And she reached out to him and said,
hey, I want to introduce you to my friend Carla.
She sent me his profile stuff and says,
what do you think about this guy?
And so I thought he lived in Florida.
Because the way his profile read,
he said nothing about living in Texas, y'all.
He's like, oh, I work remotely, I travel 10% of the year,
but my company that I work for
is based out of Clearwater, Florida.
So I just thought, I was just like,
oh, he must live in Clearwater, Florida,
that's where his work is.
He might travel away for work.
It wasn't until I met him, he's like,
oh, I don't live in Florida, this could be a problem.
I live in Texas.
And I was like, eh, well, that's worth a shot,
let's try this.
And so you never know how God can introduce you
to someone that may not be local to you.
So just, again, ladies, God is so intentional.
He really, really is, and that's why I love that this is,
it keeps coming up for 2025,
but I really think there's something on it
because he really is,
and he's got your love story already written for you.
He really does.
And so he knows what you need, he knows where you are,
he knows how to get it to you and who to bring it to you.
He knows all of that.
And so I think it's great that you're open
to the long distance as well.
So when you are ready to go and step into it,
it's just gonna open doors.
And ladies, Crystal, I mean, all of you ladies
that I see on here right now,
and you understand the importance
of showing up in the community.
Let us know what's going on.
Let us help you process it.
Let's have open communication, let's be open.
There's so much fruit here.
And I say that out of experience.
When I joined this program, I knew whatever,
I knew I was gonna get out of this program
what I put into it.
I had to.
partner with the effort. And so that's why earlier today during housekeeping I
expressed to you ladies, you know, press in, lean in, show up for yourself, invest
in yourself, you are worth it. Okay? God has got, like God's got you and
God's got such a story for you. Like the things that you, like, I can't even begin
to tell you all of the things that he's done that I didn't even imagine would
happen. Like that's how good he is.
I was just, I mean, he continues to blow me away, not just in my story but in
y'all's stories too. Like this is the cool thing about my job and me getting to do
this with you ladies is I get this like front row seat to see like how God moves
in y'all's life. It's pretty awesome. You know, I sometimes get, I get sad though
like because y'all get in phase two and some people are here for four or
five weeks because they, you know, can move through. Other people stay a few
months because it's, you know, it's a process sometimes. And then y'all get
done with the content and then y'all leave and you go into phase three. But
I'm still, I still have eyes in phase three and so I get to still see like
what God does in your lives. Like I just saw someone post in phase three. I
remember coaching her several months ago. She'd come on my calls and she'd, you
know, share and, you know, get upset about, you know, the dating situations and what
she was faced with. And now she is dating this great guy. And I'm like, how
cool? Like look at what God did. And so I remember her from coming in and having
all the questions that I once had when I was in this, you know, program and
single and starting the dating process. And then I get to see what God does in
each and one of your, you know, each of your lives. And it is really incredible.
So if God has done that for all the women that I've coached prior, he's
going to do that for each and every one of you too. So yeah, that's so true,
Crystal. I didn't, I just now made that connection too. That early on you
shared that he gave you destiny moment and yes, destiny DNA. God has it all
figured out. He really does. He's intricately invested and he's designed
you. He knows exactly who you are and he's created somebody for you. My
husband always jokes with me. He's younger than me. I was, I was kind of
busted, you know, but, but I'm like, you may be younger than me, but I look
younger than, than him. And so, but he always jokes with me that God made me
for him. And I'm like, well, how is that possible? Because he made me first. So we
always joke with that. So Colette, yeah, the destiny DNA, I'll have to go back
and look at the content. My guess is it might be in phase one. If it's not,
there's possibility that once you ladies step into phase three, there may be
content in phase three about destiny DNA because we do a pat way. And when you
get into phase three, it's, we do this path session. And so each, each month is
typically geared towards a certain theme or something to just pour into you
ladies. And so there's usually a month that we talk about that. So if, if I, if
it's not in phase one, it's possible in phase three and you'll, and we'll, you'll
probably, you'll, you'll get some teaching on it at some point. I know, I
know it's there and I can even reach out to the team and see what I can find out
for you also. Yes, I love that. I love that. I love how you ladies are also even
just making connections to Amanda. Are you new to phase two? Have I not seen
you before?
You're on the interview. I'm new and I just realized today, so there's something
I gotta go do some homework on. It's okay. Cause I realized I'm terrified. Like
I'm almost in tears. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm so terrified of dating. Oh,
thank you. Oh, that's good. There's some healing. Okay. Feel it. Feel those
feels.
All right.
Yeah.
Cause I'm just like, okay, God, what is that?
Cause I was not expecting that.
That's why I didn't want to say anything.
I was like, I'm going to cry.
Girl, I'm a crier too.
So don't ever ladies, don't ever, don't ever be self-conscious or insecure.
I'm going to be right here with you.
Okay.
And I mean, it's like, I've been so excited.
I'm excited.
Um, for the future.
I have so much anticipation, so much hope, but then even just sitting here, I was like,
oh my goodness, like this overwhelming fear has come in and it's with the practical day
to day process.
So I'm like, okay, I've taken a few notes and I'm like, okay, let me go look back and
just God just reveal what it is.
That's really the fear there.
What is really scaring me?
Yeah.
This is again, like, yeah, you know, don't, don't run from the fear.
Face it in the face and be like, okay, what is this God?
What lie am I believing?
Where does this, where's this rooted in?
Where's this root God?
And you know what?
Holy spirit will come in.
Ladies.
I did that literally just a few days ago.
I'm going through the heartwork again.
Okay.
Like I literally, I, and, and I'm supposed to be in like week four, week four, week five
of heartwork.
I'm still in my week two.
Okay.
So it's sometimes it's a process and God revealed to me some stuff.
I was, I've been dealing with some anger about moving from Florida to Texas and like, where
is that?
I mean, I've, I've been feeling it frequently over the last year and a half since I moved
here.
There was one time I was at church and this just over like emotion.
Like I had just this anger walking out of church.
I mean, I was furious and I was like, I don't understand.
I'm crying.
My husband's like, what's wrong with you?
And I'm like, he's like, are you okay?
And I'm like, no, I'm not okay right now.
And so I like that got brought up again for me in this process of heartwork, like what?
And I said, Lord, where's that root?
Where's that root at?
And you know what?
It brought me to this memory when I was in second grade.
I was, it was the first time I had moved out of the house that I grew up in.
We moved into a temporary rental home and we were at that time, we had to rent a house
because my parents were building a house in a different city and I had to switch schools
halfway through the year and that school that we went to, we could walk to school.
So my mom would walk us because it wasn't the best neighborhood.
And I remember there was this one afternoon she came to pick me up.
I think she was late and I was so angry with my mom.
I don't even know what for, like God still hasn't revealed to me, like he hasn't given
me the memory of what I was mad at my mom for.
But I remember when I go back to this memory, I remember not liking the idea that I had
to move and felt like I had things uprooted.
I felt very insecure.
And so my mom comes to pick me up.
I was so mad at her.
I stormed off and was like trying to run away from her.
I walked myself home, but my mom, I know at the, like I glanced and she was like several
feet back, like good 10, 20, 30 feet back from me.
But I remember this feeling of just absolute anger.
And God showed me how there is possibly a connection there.
And so ladies like heartwork isn't over.
Now I'm not responding the same way I did like four years ago when I joined this community
now.
Yeah.
But for a little over four years ago, but don't, don't push those feelings down.
Right.
Invite Holy Spirit in.
I think that's been the big difference too, because before I might've ran away or flew
away.
That's my, I'm a flyer or runner, but I literally wrote it down like, okay, this is something
to come back to come back and process, but I'm a teacher and my students are about to
come back.
So
All right.
I used to be a teacher too.
Yay.
I have to go now.
All right.
Amanda.
Thank you so much.
Ladies.
Is there anybody else that wants to share something that's pressing on their heart questions
that you may have?
Yes.
Collette, how are you?
Okay.
So you were talking at the beginning about pursuing.
It's not very easy.
comfortable, but I want to know how to first pursue someone like a guy at church who's kind of quiet.
It's not easy.
Okay, so you see this guy at church, he's a bit quiet, you are interested in maybe introducing
It's not easy.
yourself, getting to know him more? Yeah, so far I've said hi. That's good, celebrate that.
Yeah, I mean, well, he was getting on his motorcycle and I was parked right next to
him, so we just happened to at the same moment be there. There you go, and was it uncomfortable?
No, that was fine. Okay, good. Then the next, I waited all week, I was going to say something
again, and this time I jumped in my car really fast before he got there, so I wouldn't have to
say anything. I love it. But whatever. I love this, I absolutely love this, because I think
this is going to be an opportunity for you to practice what we call dropping the hanky.
Yes, I read, I heard. And just initiate a, hey, I've seen you a couple times,
strike up conversation, just, you know, how are you? Like, how long have you been coming to this
church? I already know, because I asked this guy. Okay, well, he doesn't know that you already know.
He doesn't know that I've already Googled him and know his address.
Oh my gosh. He doesn't know that, he doesn't need to know that, okay.
I would never tell anybody, but you guys. Yes, so Crystal said maybe when she's dressed up,
and he'll say how pretty you are. So let's, yes, we're going to activate this.
So yeah, let's just initiate some small talk. Okay. You know, okay. Hey, I've seen you,
I saw you the last couple weeks, how are you? I'm, I'm glad, it's so nice to meet you.
So how long have you been coming to this church?
There you go. All right. Initiate, start just making small talk and be like, you know,
drop your Bible, drop the hanky or drop your Bible and see if he'll pick it up. I love it.
That would be funny. And just, you know, at the end of the talk, just say, you know, it was nice
chatting with you. Would you be opening to grabbing a cup of coffee maybe sometime next week?
Okay. I was planning to do that last Sunday. There you go. And I jumped in my car and ran.
Pray about it. Okay. Ask Holy Spirit to just give you the grace and space, give you some peace,
calm. Okay. Okay. And do not, and do not be tied to the outcome.
This is, this is just practice, practice stepping into this. Okay, ladies.
Yeah. The learning about dating for discovery, that has really kind of changed me because I
have an anxious attachment, which I didn't know. I didn't know I had that until when I, I was
married for 24 years, my second marriage. Then it was two and a half years later before I even
talked to anybody. Then I got on the dating app and that was like a disaster because the guy I
meet, you know, I'm used to like meeting somebody and you get married. That's both of my marriages.
I met them and we got married like two months. So I'm not used to, I don't, I haven't really dated
my whole life. My first marriage started at 18. Yeah. 20 years. So you're learning some new things
and you're going to start putting. But so this guy that I meet on, I'm thinking he's, I mean,
after we talked a little bit, he's like, it was so horrible. This is right before I got in this
program. He's like, Oh, we had a really nice talk. I'm going, yeah. Of course. What I said was, I feel
like I've known you forever, which Jackie's like, don't do it. But here's the thing, like ladies,
and this is what he did. I have to tell you, because this has been on my mind for a long time.
He said, yeah, baby. And then it was like, did he really, I mean, this is on texting and I'm like,
did he really mean baby? What is he? And then the next morning he called me sweet,
sweetheart, darling, and honey. And then I was like, I don't think I'm comfortable with that.
And then, but I didn't, he was bread. I didn't know what breadcrumbing was. I didn't know what
it was. The thing is you also didn't have all these tools. So ladies, you are learning new ways of
And here's the thing is you also recognized you had an oops.
You said something to him, and then after that,
look at what kind of, then all this other stuff
started coming out.
Oh, I didn't think of that.
We don't have to beat ourselves up for the mistakes
that we made when we made these mistakes with,
we didn't know what we didn't know.
But now you're learning new stuff.
And here's the thing, ladies,
even after you learn all this stuff,
you're still gonna make mistakes.
I did.
Ladies, I will tell you, like I told you,
my husband dropped some deep dive questions.
He shared some stuff with me.
And I probably engaged in it more
than I probably should have,
or what I was taught not to do.
But it didn't mean that I messed my love story up.
So I know we have these guardrails
for you ladies to help you.
It's okay if you don't do it perfectly.
Yes, I agree.
It's just about being willing to learn
from the choice that you made
and how it made you feel and process through it,
get some healing and doing it,
just constantly doing it differently.
I tell my kids this all the time.
You know what, you're gonna make mistakes.
It's how you learn.
Yes.
When I was a school teacher, I used to say,
you're not learning if you're not messing up.
You learn from your mistakes.
I'm like, anybody that just comes in
and knows all the stuff, they don't learn anything.
They do it perfectly.
Well, they don't learn anything.
Come in and you make some mistakes.
Guess what?
You're gonna learn new ways of doing things.
I've learned so much.
I can't even believe it.
But God used him to get me in this program
because I had no idea what I was doing.
I got so hooked on him and I didn't know why,
like, God, I'm just praying.
What is going on?
Why am I, what is going on?
What's going on?
Help me, help me.
And then I met Jackie.
We're doing a challenge.
I got on that and then it was like,
and I never spend money on myself.
Never.
I've never done anything like this.
Never.
Yes, you're doing something new.
You invest in yourself because you are so worth it.
I had no idea how wonderful it was gonna be,
but I knew what, once I got in it,
I was like, okay, God,
now I know why you wanted me to do this.
Well, and here's the thing.
You just say you don't ever spend money on yourself
and you were just telling me
you don't have a feminine sweater.
And I said, well, now you're gonna go out and get one.
I will spend money on myself sometimes,
but I'm saying investing in like my healing.
Like I usually do a lot of things, you know,
like investing in, I'm just really frugal.
But anyway, he used this guy,
but, and all through my heart work, you know,
all what I went through dealing with him,
cause I mean, he just,
it was horrible what he did to me, you know,
but I made a lot of, it was really bad.
Between both of us, we're both really messed up.
So it got me into the program, which was good.
But the dating to discover that has really helped
because I was like, no, I don't, no, no, no, no, no.
I didn't want to talk to anybody.
So, but I mean, this guy I was talking to the other day,
he said, he started talking about his ex-wife
and he said something about sex.
And I was like, out of bounds.
And he's like, oh.
Did you say that?
Just say, hey, like.
I said, did I say out of bounds?
I said something like that.
And he's, I'm so sorry.
I'll never do that again.
Well, that's the thing.
And when guys do that, here's the thing.
We can respond with a healthy, soft, feminine approach.
Okay, we don't have to be like, absolutely not.
You know?
I know, I said, this is, that's, yeah.
Be like, hey.
Over my boundary.
And he was apologetic.
Like, I'm, how would I word this?
I would say, I like that you feel comfortable enough
to have, you know, these vulnerable conversations with me,
but would it be okay that we wait to talk like this
with each other until we've spent some time
getting to know one another?
Would that be okay with you?
Put a soft, healthy boundary.
Okay, I'll try that better.
And I'm afraid, like, you're not gonna do it perfectly.
I didn't do it perfectly.
I mean, like, none of us do.
It's just, hey, this is how it transpired.
This was my response.
If this situation happens again,
is there a different, softer approach I could have with it?
And then move forward.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay, ladies, we are coming up to a couple hours here.
And so I feel like I did really good with the teaching and I just I love that I get to have
space with you all to share and open up. And so I didn't get to hear from you Levina or Angela,
but if you had something in your heart and you wanted to share, go ahead and put it in the app.
And then I will encourage you next time that you jump on, maybe be one of the first people to
raise your hand if maybe you kind of are reluctant. I always say that because I know
that women come in here and sometimes we get insecure about like, I don't know what to say.
And so maybe Levina and Angela, that's not you because Levina I think I've heard from you before.
But I say it because I know this is in replay and if anybody makes it to this part of
of the replay that that might speak to them. So that's where I say that.
But ladies, I always enjoy coming here with you each week. If you are able to also jump on the
call tonight with Ebony, she'll be touching on the same topics, but she'll have her own
perspective and spin on it. So if you if you're open to it and have time, jump on her call at 8pm
Eastern. If not, make sure you're showing up in our app, communicate with us, let us know what's
going on. Stay engaged with us, connect with the women in the community. And then we look forward
to seeing you next week. Okay. Have a blessed day ladies. Oh my gosh, I had my audio off with
my dog and everything. I'm sorry. All right, ladies. Have a good one. We'll see you next week.
Thank you. Thank you.