WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:07.040 Today, we're going to look at perfecting the art of showing up and we're going to talk 2 00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:13.580 about a couple of neuroscience secrets to really build transformative habits by simply 3 00:00:13.580 --> 00:00:16.200 changing your identity. 4 00:00:16.200 --> 00:00:17.640 Let's talk about that for a second. 5 00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:23.040 You know, the big idea here is the most important power habits you're going to create are the 6 00:00:23.040 --> 00:00:30.440 ones that start from a new identity and then consistently show up in that identity. 7 00:00:30.440 --> 00:00:34.240 You know, the way I learned this is when I was writing my book Wired, you know, because 8 00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:39.320 I'd done a lot of academic writing, having done several degrees and so on, I saw myself 9 00:00:39.320 --> 00:00:44.480 as a thinker and an academic and so all my writing was geared really subconsciously for 10 00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:47.920 professors and for academics. 11 00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:50.360 And so I needed to change my identity. 12 00:00:50.360 --> 00:00:56.240 And by making this simple little shift, firstly I identified what my old identity was and 13 00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:00.840 then I changed it to, I replaced it with, I am a writer for everyone. 14 00:01:00.840 --> 00:01:06.440 So if I'm going to be a writer for everyone, this immediately gave my brain permission 15 00:01:06.440 --> 00:01:09.640 to be creative on how to do that. 16 00:01:09.640 --> 00:01:11.600 There was almost an automatic response. 17 00:01:11.600 --> 00:01:18.380 So I set up my deep work session every Thursday morning to write and edit the chapter even 18 00:01:18.460 --> 00:01:20.820 in a four-hour period. 19 00:01:20.820 --> 00:01:25.220 So I thought about, if I'm a writer for everyone, it needs to be conversational, right? 20 00:01:25.220 --> 00:01:31.300 So that means I used a headset and I dictated the book to make it a lot more conversational. 21 00:01:31.300 --> 00:01:36.560 And I imagined myself talking to a group of ordinary people, not a group of academics. 22 00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:37.740 This really changed. 23 00:01:37.740 --> 00:01:43.780 In fact, the number one feedback I get about the book is how very conversational it is. 24 00:01:43.780 --> 00:01:47.260 So changing identity automatically changed behavior. 25 00:01:48.020 --> 00:01:52.340 If you want to learn more about habits and the power of habits and so on, there are a 26 00:01:52.340 --> 00:01:54.620 couple of resources you may want to look at. 27 00:01:54.620 --> 00:01:59.700 The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg or Atomic Habits by James Clear. 28 00:01:59.700 --> 00:02:04.380 These are two really great books and have been very helpful to our community. 29 00:02:04.380 --> 00:02:09.300 But most of what we're going to be going through here today comes from being a practitioner, 30 00:02:09.300 --> 00:02:13.100 being somebody who helps other people develop leaders. 31 00:02:13.660 --> 00:02:17.980 If we're going to become a team of leaders, then we have to learn these type of leadership 32 00:02:17.980 --> 00:02:19.260 habits. 33 00:02:19.260 --> 00:02:25.260 One of the things is to gain mastery over developing the kind of habits that serve us. 34 00:02:25.260 --> 00:02:28.420 We don't serve our habits, they serve us. 35 00:02:28.420 --> 00:02:32.540 There's a lot to be said about habits, so the main thing we're going to focus on today 36 00:02:32.540 --> 00:02:39.700 is this idea of changing your identity or give your brain permission to serve you in 37 00:02:39.700 --> 00:02:41.740 that identity. 38 00:02:41.740 --> 00:02:47.300 Secret number one, changing your identity or give your brain permission to serve you 39 00:02:47.300 --> 00:02:48.300 in that way. 40 00:02:48.300 --> 00:02:50.060 So that's secret number one. 41 00:02:50.060 --> 00:02:54.020 Now the reason why most of us struggle with creating new habits, I'm sure you're listening 42 00:02:54.020 --> 00:02:58.620 to this and going, oh not another habits training, I've tried building new habits, I've never 43 00:02:58.620 --> 00:03:02.960 been successful at it, or you know, one out of ten maybe. 44 00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:06.580 But here's three reasons why most people struggle. 45 00:03:06.580 --> 00:03:09.020 And the first thing is they try to do too much. 46 00:03:09.020 --> 00:03:12.420 Obviously New Year's resolution, I'm going to go to the gym for an hour, three or four 47 00:03:12.420 --> 00:03:16.340 times a week, and they just try to do way too much. 48 00:03:16.340 --> 00:03:21.900 But more importantly, they're focused on their behavior, not their identity. 49 00:03:21.900 --> 00:03:27.620 As I've said before, identity leads automatically to correct behavior, behavior doesn't automatically 50 00:03:27.620 --> 00:03:29.660 change your identity. 51 00:03:29.660 --> 00:03:36.140 It does over a very long period of time, but that is definitely the long way around. 52 00:03:36.260 --> 00:03:40.980 And we also try to change the wrong things in the wrong way. 53 00:03:40.980 --> 00:03:45.420 So as we go through this, you know, you may be listening to this and say, okay, so all 54 00:03:45.420 --> 00:03:47.380 I have to do is change my identity? 55 00:03:47.380 --> 00:03:48.380 Yes. 56 00:03:48.380 --> 00:03:51.980 Helps to write it down by the way, and be really clear. 57 00:03:51.980 --> 00:03:57.020 And the reason you can do this, which is secret number two, is you can do this because changing 58 00:03:57.020 --> 00:04:04.300 your identity is the smallest change you can make, and then you build slowly from there. 59 00:04:04.460 --> 00:04:07.780 Remember, people try to do too much or try to do it too quickly. 60 00:04:07.780 --> 00:04:14.460 If you give yourself permission to build slowly from that new identity and hold on to that 61 00:04:14.460 --> 00:04:19.019 identity, over time, it will become a reality. 62 00:04:19.019 --> 00:04:25.700 The way I learned this was, you know, I developed a story about myself because I was, you know, 63 00:04:25.700 --> 00:04:30.260 as a young man and in college and high school and so on, I love sport, I played volleyball, 64 00:04:30.260 --> 00:04:32.660 I played squash four or five times a week. 65 00:04:32.700 --> 00:04:40.180 I really loved going for runs, I loved exercise, I loved sport, but then I had to do two years 66 00:04:40.180 --> 00:04:46.300 military service, and that first year was as an officer training, and it was brutal. 67 00:04:46.300 --> 00:04:50.540 The officer training was well beyond, you know, the military are very good at taking 68 00:04:50.540 --> 00:04:54.340 you to your limit, and then you think you've hit your limit, and then they show you that's 69 00:04:54.340 --> 00:04:58.140 just the 10% mark, and they take you so much further. 70 00:04:58.140 --> 00:05:00.060 It's a very brutalizing process for me. 71 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:04.180 many of us and I just learned to hate training so I became in my head the 72 00:05:04.180 --> 00:05:09.360 officer that hates training and I could never get myself back into exercise but 73 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:13.920 then I realized once I identified this is the incorrect identity that's not me 74 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:20.720 I developed a new identity a cyclist who loves riding so well if I'm a cyclist 75 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:26.360 what do cyclists do they ride so I set up to ride three times a week on my 76 00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:29.800 stationary bike in a room that I have in my room and I would just went there 77 00:05:29.800 --> 00:05:33.760 for ten minutes I have to be in the room for ten minutes now some of you 78 00:05:33.760 --> 00:05:37.560 might that might be even too much of a step maybe you just have to show up in 79 00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:42.520 that room for five minutes every day or three times a week and get into the 80 00:05:42.520 --> 00:05:46.920 habit of you know being there or just sitting on the bike and you know 81 00:05:46.920 --> 00:05:51.800 spending two three minutes on it the smallest way you can start is the best 82 00:05:51.800 --> 00:05:57.360 way because it's easy to conquer in fact choose the starting point to be so small 83 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:02.480 that it feels like a no-brainer to you can I sit on the bike for three minutes 84 00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:07.720 sure I can in my case it was ten minutes right now I didn't start increasing it 85 00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:13.400 every week or any of that I knew I had to keep that mode for 30 days so for a 86 00:06:13.400 --> 00:06:18.580 full month I just did ten minutes or three minutes whatever you choose so my 87 00:06:18.580 --> 00:06:24.000 identity next thing was what was the smallest step I could take the first 88 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:28.200 baby step as we've learned in our previous training so by changing my 89 00:06:28.200 --> 00:06:34.560 story I was able to start to change my behavior and that's how habits really 90 00:06:34.560 --> 00:06:39.360 work they grow more than they just sit in motion and then we try to make them a 91 00:06:39.360 --> 00:06:45.240 reality now let me share with you secret number three you will easily make time 92 00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:50.600 for what you delight in you know we've talked before that delight leads to 93 00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:55.560 discipline and when you do this you know you can reframe this activities 94 00:06:55.560 --> 00:07:01.280 not only am I a cyclist but I'm a cyclist that loves riding say what you 95 00:07:01.280 --> 00:07:06.840 love questionnaires can it be fun what if it's not hard what if it's you know 96 00:07:06.840 --> 00:07:11.040 thoroughly enjoyable and so I choose the word delight because not that commonly 97 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:15.560 used word but I wanted delighting in something is something that you're 98 00:07:15.960 --> 00:07:21.640 reframing for your brain so let me share with you three power hacks that really 99 00:07:21.640 --> 00:07:27.320 help you let me summarize all this number one pick your new identity number 100 00:07:27.320 --> 00:07:32.760 two find the smallest thing you can do and make it fun and number three find a 101 00:07:32.760 --> 00:07:37.160 trigger you know my wife and I we have tea every morning when she goes off to 102 00:07:37.160 --> 00:07:42.880 get ready for her day she goes take a shower and so on that's when I use that 103 00:07:42.880 --> 00:07:49.480 as a trigger to go to my cycle my bike and I because that's what cyclists do 104 00:07:49.480 --> 00:07:54.320 you know we ride so that's what I do now you may have other things so let me give 105 00:07:54.320 --> 00:07:59.880 you quickly applying those three power hacks to a few examples example number 106 00:07:59.880 --> 00:08:05.120 one will continue with the subject of exercise for a minute and so in my case 107 00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:10.680 number maybe your ideas you want to be a runner so you don't want to be somebody 108 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:14.800 who runs you want to be a runner so well I don't run at the moment yes but it 109 00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:18.760 starts with identity so I'm a runner what do runners do they run what would 110 00:08:18.760 --> 00:08:24.480 be the first baby step well I walk to the end of the road I run to the end of 111 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:28.760 the road and I come back every day it takes me two minutes there and back and 112 00:08:28.760 --> 00:08:34.799 I do it every single weekday okay well that's a baby step you can do and I'm 113 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:38.320 gonna do that for a month just run to the end of the road and back you said 114 00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:43.320 that's so small exactly it's got to feel like a no-brainer what's the 115 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:48.440 trigger the trigger is when I turn off my computer at the end of the day I put 116 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:52.320 on my shoes now later on you can add some of the power tools we learned 117 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:56.640 before start the five-second rule right I don't want to put on as the computer 118 00:08:56.640 --> 00:09:02.000 goes down I go five four three two one on with the shoes and go and then as you 119 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:05.760 get going with this we can use things like microburst just that ten minute 120 00:09:05.760 --> 00:09:09.120 microburst energy but that's an advanced thing right now we just want 121 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.280 the trigger this let's go to writing maybe you want to develop the habit of 122 00:09:13.280 --> 00:09:17.080 being a writer well you have to take the identity I'm a writer well what do 123 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:21.400 writers do they write what's the smallest thing I can do is write one 124 00:09:21.400 --> 00:09:26.040 line per day and I want to write one line per day in my journal what's the 125 00:09:26.040 --> 00:09:30.800 trigger when I make my coffee after dinner I will pick up my journal five 126 00:09:30.800 --> 00:09:37.040 four three two one right so that puts it all together for you and we've just 127 00:09:37.040 --> 00:09:43.560 shared an incredible way to build power habits that really do change start by 128 00:09:43.560 --> 00:09:48.320 changing your identity and that gives your brain permission for you to be 129 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:54.520 creative and to help you be creative and to lead to a completely different life 130 00:09:54.520 --> 00:09:59.480 with a new habit again start small because small is a way for you to 131 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:03.280 force the identity, you're not reinforcing your behavior. 132 00:10:03.280 --> 00:10:07.760 You're not reinforcing the fact that I ran for 30 minutes, 133 00:10:07.760 --> 00:10:10.520 but then I ran for two minutes up and down the road, 134 00:10:10.520 --> 00:10:13.740 in my own road, you're reinforcing your identity 135 00:10:13.740 --> 00:10:15.940 more than you're reinforcing your behavior. 136 00:10:15.940 --> 00:10:17.280 That's really, really important. 137 00:10:17.280 --> 00:10:21.120 And that's why starting small is such a secret. 138 00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:24.320 Change your identity, start small, learn to delight in it. 139 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:27.120 I hope you have fun building amazing habits. 140 00:10:27.120 --> 00:10:28.160 Thanks for listening.