All right, welcome ladies. It's so good to be here. So good to see you all. This is your
live check-in for 1 o'clock Eastern for phase 2. It is February 18th, 2025. For those of
you that are new and are not sure who I am, my name is Karla Johnson. I'm one of your
coaches here in phase 2. I have been in Jackie's program now for almost five years. So I kind
of came in as one of the OGs. I'm a success story. Okay, so I've been through what y'all
are going through and I have been blessed and fortunate enough to have found my spirit
mate. So we have been married now a little over, gosh, I got to figure this out, almost
a year and a half. Yeah, almost a year and a half we've been married. So yes, all right.
So I've been, I've been in the program, right? I've done what y'all are, what we asked you
to do. I've messed it up many times, or at least I thought I messed it up. Okay. Cause
you really can never really mess it up. Okay. It's just about the process. It's about the
growing. So with that being said, I'm curious how many of you, I think I see like one or
two new faces. If you are new to phase 2, can you go ahead and raise your avatar hand?
Little avatar hand. Suzanne. Suzanne's got her avatar hand. I don't see her on camera.
So Suzanne, if you, or Susanna, if you can come on camera, that'd be awesome. Anybody else?
Anybody else? Christina, I saw your hand just go up. Perfect. Awesome. Susanna, thank you so
much for coming on camera. Stephanie, you're not new to phase 2. I've seen you. Have you?
Yeah. Oh, okay. I, this was my first time. I thought this was my first time with you.
Maybe not. No, I think, I think like, I think you came on like a week or two ago and I've
seen you in the group. So you're good. Angela. Yes, you are new. I haven't seen you yet. Awesome.
Okay, cool. So there's a couple of you. That's good. I love it. It's, it's always a blessing
to have some new girls come on. So welcome. This is, this is what live check-ins are all about.
So what we do is we'll go over a quick few housekeeping items. I will pray with, pray a sin,
and then I will share some activation for you for the week. And then I'll do about 20,
25 minutes of teaching, and then we'll open it up to questions. Okay. Awesome. Natasha,
thank you so much. I get it. I know sometimes this is the time of day where we're at work and
things like that, that we can't always come on camera, but if you can definitely do so.
I always appreciate it. Honestly, I went into the eight o'clock call a few weeks ago,
it was a few weeks ago or last week. And I was blown away about how many women were not on
camera. So I love that. I see most of you on camera. That's good. That's coming out of hiding.
So yeah. So those of you new, we're going to, we're going to go ahead and dive right in. And
I'm going to just do a couple of housekeeping items. So
make sure, this is one thing that I noticed, especially, okay, Melissa got you.
A couple of things that I've noticed, not just on our one o'clock call, but when I popped into
the eight o'clock call is that, ladies, please make sure that you're muted while we're teaching.
This helps. And then, and then don't unmute yourself while we're teaching to like speak
out because it really distracts us from staying on task. We always do our best to allow about 40
minutes at the end of the call to ask questions. And honestly, sometimes it goes past 40 minutes.
So just know that we are going to give that opportunity for you. So if you have a question
that you're coming to the life for, that you want some answers, you want, you know,
a little bit of coaching happen, go ahead and put your avatar hand up at any part of the call.
I mean, at any time, like, honestly, like if any of you have a question that you know,
you're going to want to ask for your avatar hand up now, this will give us an idea.
How many of you have questions?
so that we can allot that time to do so, okay?
Also, when we do, and again,
I'll remind this when I open it up for questions.
When you do have those questions
and we get to that portion of the call,
let's do our best to keep those questions
short, brief, and powerful, and still also,
I know this is kind of hard to do,
it sounds probably like an oxymoron,
like keep it short, brief, and powerful,
but make sure that we're getting the details that we need.
Okay, so I know sometimes you're like,
well, how am I supposed to do that
if I have to keep it short, brief, and powerful?
Let's just, again, do our best to do that.
If you have more than one question,
hold all your other questions
until after we've at least gotten through
everybody's one question first.
So I've noticed that, not so much on the one o'clock call,
there's a couple of times that it happens,
but I noticed on the eight o'clock,
there were women that were asking questions
and they were asking like four or five questions.
And ladies, like that's a lot,
especially that eight o'clock call
because there's so many more people on the evening calls
because it's better for people's schedules.
It's really, really hard for everyone
to feel like they have an opportunity
to get some one-on-one coaching
and to ask those questions.
So one question, keep your avatar hand up
after that one question,
and then once everybody's gotten through their one question,
we'll still allow time to, as best as we can,
to get your second, third, maybe even fourth question
on that call.
If not, if we can't get to all your questions,
remember that you can post your questions
in Ask a Coach tab on our app,
and we will respond there, okay?
And we also know that some of you ladies
come in with lots of questions, not lots of questions,
come in with some detail and we're like,
hey, coming to a live, we wanna unpack this with you.
And so Ebony and myself do try to do a decent job
of remembering who that is.
Like I put it in my notes that I'm always aware
and Ebony is aware of like who we've asked
to come to unpack things with.
So I think Melissa, you've got your hand up
because I think you were one
that we wanted to unpack some stuff with.
So that is good.
I don't know if there was anybody else.
Alessandra, yeah, Alessandra, put your avatar hand up
so that I don't miss that.
Okay, and then, okay, let's see here.
Just wanna make sure I'm getting through
all this housekeeping stuff quickly.
Continue to stay engaged in the group
with your posts, your videos.
Remember those videos, two minutes or less.
You know, you're coming to lives,
you're watching the replays.
Ladies, please, please, please make sure
that you get to Supernatural Saturday.
That needs to be a weekly thing.
Discipline yourself to do that.
I'm actually going to tie our activation
in with Supernatural Saturday.
So keep that in mind.
And the reason we say this is because
we see the most breakthrough in this community
from the women and the men that are actively
and consistently and intentionally coming
and engaging in this community, okay?
So it is super, super important, coming to the lives,
doing the Supernatural Saturday, showing up,
you know, asking the questions,
you know, being vulnerable, all right?
This is where, like, it is God's design
for us to do life together, okay?
And so we are here, I believe, by divine appointment,
all of you, to connect and walk this journey out together.
Okay?
So make sure that you're doing that.
You're responding to ladies in the group, okay?
You're offering encouragement.
You know, we are going to ask that you don't coach them
and give them advice, but encourage them.
Lift them up, you know?
So just make sure that you're doing that
when you're coming and sharing with us
about your, you know, dating experiences,
or maybe it's not even a dating experience.
Like, let us know what's happening, okay?
Especially in those dating experiences
where you're like, this is a no, this is a no,
this is a no, like, let us know why.
That's gonna be the best way that we can coach you
is because then we can kind of recognize patterns
and do our best to coach you based on what we're seeing.
Okay?
But if you're not coming and sharing that stuff,
like, it's really hard for us,
even if we have a discernment gift,
to really see what that looks like, okay?
So make sure that you're showing up.
If you are, when you are making posts,
do your best not to create any posts
where you're linking other authors, speakers,
ministries, sermons, anything of that nature,
because that's not gonna be helpful.
because we just don't have the capacity
to vet those things out.
So if you're gonna post a link,
like we're probably gonna have to remove it.
So just know that if that happens, that's why.
Now I know some people like to post a link to a,
what am I trying to say?
Post a link to like a song or something,
all right, that speaks to them.
That we totally get, like that's totally fine.
But it's the,
all those like other pastors, ministers,
all those like sermons and stuff.
We just want to make sure that what we're sharing
in our last year single community
is aligned with what we teach you.
And so we can't always vet those pastors,
ministers and such.
And trust me, there's a lot of great things out there.
There's one person many months ago posted
a speaker, a pastor, and it's someone that I admire,
I really glean from.
But again, like we still had to remove it, okay?
So hopefully that makes sense, all right?
Also, please make sure that you are checking back
on your post to see our replies and responding back to us.
Sometimes there may not be a pop-up notification in the app.
So diligently make sure that you're going back
to your post to see if we've responded, okay?
I even have to do that where I have responded to you ladies
and I'm like, I've asked a question.
I'm like, did they get it?
Did they respond to me?
And I'll have, and I don't get a pop-up notification.
And so I do try to do a good job of going back
and making sure that I respond to you ladies, okay?
So if we're all focusing and trying to do that,
I think that will help things run pretty smoothly.
All right, I'm seeing some things in the chat.
Okay, I just realized I have a meeting.
Okay, got you Angela.
Okay, you'll get through most of the teaching.
Angela, if you have a question
and if we don't get to your question,
make sure that you post it in the community
and we'll get to it there, okay?
Stephanie, okay, yeah.
Supernatural Saturday is during a Bible study, okay.
But you watch it, same.
I have kids, we're about to get into baseball season.
My son is, I mean, we have tournaments all weekend long.
So Saturdays are sometimes really difficult
for me with my kids.
So I always have to watch the replays.
I actually just listened to the replay
from Supernatural Saturday this morning.
So yes, if you can't make it live, still in replay.
And the same holds true even to these sessions,
our live check-ins on Tuesday.
Ladies, if you can't make it, watch the replay, okay?
We now have in the app, it's featured.
So the Supernatural Saturday,
I know I'm going over on time with my housekeeping.
I know the Supernatural Saturday,
it's on the, when you log in, it says featured.
It's at the very, very top now, okay?
And I see that 36 of you have watched it.
One of those 36 is me.
We have a lot more ladies than 36 in this phase.
So that tells me that we're not watching it, okay?
So make sure that you do that.
Any coach to you to realize or recognize
that I idealize and build things up in my mind
and can hold on, okay?
They don't officially.
And sometimes I respond to the coach,
but it shows that I have responded to my,
yeah, sometimes, yeah, it's tricky.
So that's why, let's just make sure
that we're going back to our post
to make sure that we're getting that.
Because like I said, those pop-up notifications
don't always come up.
I don't know why.
We're still working with our developers in that.
And I will tell you, like every week,
I do feel like something gets,
like some gets worked out in the app.
So just know that we're always working on that, okay?
Two more things here on housekeeping, then we'll move on.
So ladies, remember part of coaching in this program
is so that you ladies don't come out
the same way you came in, okay?
We are here to grow you in love and it will stretch you.
All right, Jackie often says that there's a process
to accompany the promise, okay?
So just keep that in mind
when we're on these coaching calls
is sometimes we're gonna stretch you and push you
and you're gonna have some resistance to it,
it's coming out of love.
And again, I've been there, okay?
I have been through this program.
I have received the husband, right?
God gave me that promise
and now I'm on this other side of it.
and I see how this process in last year single
and what I was working on while I was single
has helped me in my marriage.
I also see areas where I was resistant
in working through the process in my last year single
and how it's now showing up in my marriage now.
Ladies, if we don't work on it when we're single,
I promise you it's gonna come up in your marriage.
And now it's not just you, it's another person.
So sometimes there's resistance there
because you're two people
and there's some friction there.
So just know, again, it's going to feel at times
where it's uncomfortable and you're stretching,
there's a process to it, okay?
So again, hopefully that makes sense, all right?
And again, over the years,
a lot of the ladies that we have seen struggle
in this community are the ones
that are not frequently showing up, okay?
And I say that with like, love, okay?
I have women that are still in from my, when I joined,
they have struggled, they've been resistant
and they're still single.
And it's not because they're not trying at times,
but it's because they stopped showing up,
they wanted to be comfortable in some of that, okay?
And so I've seen it happen
and so that's why we are really, really adamant
about you ladies, just come, show up,
you owe it to yourself, all right?
Okay, let's go ahead and pray
and then let's get into these activations
so we can move it along and get to our teaching
and all y'all's questions,
because that's my favorite part of the call
is getting to coach you ladies, okay?
And helping you process through that.
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you.
I thank you for this time today.
Lord, I thank you for the opportunity
for us to grow in community.
Lord, I know that you don't want us to stay stuck,
that you're helping us scale the counterfeit identities
that we sometimes want to hold tight to.
But Lord, I thank you for the gentle nudging
and pushing that you offer us
so that we can step into who you've already called us to be.
Not just now, in the here and now,
but also who you have called us to be as wives
to our future husbands.
Lord, I pray that you teach us, grow us,
heal us, show us.
And Lord, I just pray that you are with us today
on this call and that you soften our hearts
to what it is that you want to speak to us.
In Jesus' name, amen.
All right, got lots more ladies on.
I know some of you, I think somebody had to say
that they had to come off camera.
Ladies, if you are not on camera, please do that.
If you do have a question that you want to unpack,
go ahead and throw your avatar hand up
so that I know ahead of time about how many people we have.
Okay, awesome.
All right, so ladies, activations this week.
I had something that I thought
was going to be a good activation,
and then I listened to Supernatural Saturday
and the Holy Spirit prompted me to change it.
So I still want to do the activation
that I originally wanted to do,
but I'm going to hold it for another week or two.
And I'm going to be obedient to what I believe
that the Holy Spirit wanted me to activate you ladies in.
And what that is is it has to do with Supernatural Saturday.
Okay, so your activation this week
is to make sure that you watch
this past week's Supernatural Saturday to its entirety.
Okay, don't just listen to the first like 20, 30 minutes.
I want you to listen all the way to the end.
Okay, and then after you do that,
I want you to make a quick two minute video
about what spoke to you.
All right, so write that down.
This is your activation.
I had a lot of ladies
really not do their activations this week.
Part of this process is activating
and being disciplined in this program, okay?
Jackie shares in that Supernatural Saturday that discipline for what God has promised
in the process is key.
So in that, I want you also, ladies, so there's a second part to this.
So what spoke to you in that Supernatural Saturday, and then I also want you to share
what is distracting you from what God wants for you.
So for example, y'all are here because you want this to be your last year single.
I'm just pulling this one out because it's the obvious one.
What is keeping you from staying active and engaged in this community?
Because this is supposed to be your last year single, and this community is here to help
you make this your last year single.
So what is distracting you from getting engaged and active in this community?
Now some of you do that.
Okay.
I'm not saying that's for everybody.
Okay.
I'm just giving you an example.
Another example might be, you know, maybe this is, and this is, this is for me, this
is what spoke to me when I was listening to Jackie is, you know, I want this to be my
last year in debt.
Okay.
I, I, when I was single, I was a single mom and I busted my butt, okay.
To provide for myself and my son.
And when I met my husband, I had no debt with the exception of my student loan and my car.
Okay.
Now I wasn't in have mortgage.
I was renting, but I came into my marriage with no debt.
My husband was making really good money and he didn't really have very much debt y'all.
Our first year of marriage has been a doozy.
We have found ourselves like under so much pressure from debt.
My, my husband basically walked away from his job.
I was not working.
Like I moved here and I wasn't working.
Okay.
I left where I was living.
I left my job, all that.
Cause I was going to homeschool our kids.
I did.
I did for the first year.
Okay.
And then all this stuff came up.
My husband had, you know, had to step away from his job to go out on his own, which we
really believe that God, you know, called us to do that.
And then life happens.
Okay.
And so we've been really distracted by that.
And so I'm having to discipline myself and my husband, like we're both having to do this
together.
And so we're believing that this is going to be our last year in debt and we're going
to get back to where we're going.
Okay.
So again, this doesn't just have to apply to last year.
Like this is your last year single, but if there's anything else on top of this being
your last year single, what is distracting you from what you want, like what God wants
to do in you.
Okay.
And then I'm just going to remind you ladies last week.
We gave you the 30 day negativity fast.
Okay.
So how's that going for everybody?
I'm going to put it in the chat.
Okay.
Thank you.
Pearly.
You got a thumbs up.
You're doing pretty good.
That's good.
Awesome.
All right.
I haven't done great about it.
All right.
I had some struggles with my daughter this weekend.
Wasn't always staying very positive.
So yeah, don't forget.
Okay.
And again, when we give you these, it doesn't mean that you have to do them perfectly.
Sometimes that negative, being negative is hard to break.
We want, and again, that goes back to two supernatural Saturdays ago about thinking
about your thoughts.
So that's why we were letting go of those.
We're trying to do a negativity fast.
Okay.
Cool.
All right.
I'm going to get ready and go my teaching.
But before I do that, I'm going to just look through some of these comments.
Okay.
Gotcha.
Stephanie.
That you're at work.
Perfect.
Ashley, you're new.
Welcome.
Which I don't even see Ashley on here.
Maybe.
Oh, there she is.
She's got perfect hair.
Perfect hair.
She's got pretty red dress on in her, in her picture there.
Okay.
Someone's like, okay, 50, 50, Brittany, you're about 50, 50 on the negativity fast.
I was probably there too.
There was somebody in our community.
She is so good.
I think her name is also Stephanie.
Stephanie Baca.
I don't think it was you, but it might be somebody else.
And if it is you, I apologize.
She's checking in.
in with us and asking us how we're doing.
She's checking in.
And I've been responding to her
She's checking in.
because I haven't always been great
She's checking in.
with the negativity fast.
She's checking in.
But I do appreciate whoever does that.
She's checking in.
It's not been so great, but in general,
okay, gotcha.
Hey, I love honesty.
Okay, let's be honest here.
Be vulnerable.
Yes, your Jesus Cares board.
Yep, I've had to do that.
I always have to pull that out.
Um, okay, I've been catching myself.
Plus I've always told people I'm doing it.
So that good, yeah, hold yourself accountable.
Tell people if you're doing a negativity fast,
especially people you're close to.
You know, your close, good friends.
And I mean, I'm talking about your ladies.
If y'all have best friends
that are not gonna get real with you
and say some things that you don't wanna hear,
let's get you some new friends.
Find some friends here in this community.
All right?
Like, I love my best friend because you know what?
Sometimes she's like, Carla, do you wanna be honest
with you?
I'm like, well, of course.
And she'll tell me things I don't wanna hear,
but she tells me what I need to hear.
She does it in a loving way, right?
It's important to have friends that do that.
So yeah, talk to your friends that, you know,
hey, I'm doing a negativity fast.
You find me being negative, like rip the Band-Aid off.
You know, smack my face a little bit.
Let me know, all right?
Yes, I love that.
Whenever you wanna think negative,
you speak the positive, okay?
So, so good.
I've been using new roots.
Yes, positive roots, absolutely.
So good, so good, so good, so good.
And being mindful of our thoughts.
All right, perfect, love it.
All right, ladies, let's go ahead
and jump into our teaching of this week.
So for those of you that are new to phase two each week,
we kind of just give a little bit of a highlight
and kind of talk on one of the videos
that's in your coursework.
So there's five videos.
There's the kickoff video,
but then there's four teaching videos.
And so you've got your Dating 101.
You've got the Divine Feminine,
which is what we discussed a little bit last week
or touched on.
And then this week is gonna be Online Dating.
And so I'm just gonna kind of give a little,
you know, bits and pieces of Online Dating.
And then once I do that,
we'll open it up to y'all's questions, okay?
So I got three ladies out there right now
that have questions that they wanna unpack.
I know there's more.
So if you know that you need to ask a question,
put your avatar hand up, okay?
Don't be shy, ladies, all right?
Okay, so Online Dating.
I'm just gonna give you like kind of the top 10,
and then I'm gonna touch on maybe one or two more things,
okay?
So Online Dating.
Now, mind you, I know some of you are like,
I'm not yet dating.
That's okay, all right?
Put this, like, make notes, make mental notes,
or you're like, oh, I don't wanna do Online Dating.
Again, I'm gonna, you know,
ask you to just hold your face
for the idea of possibly doing it, okay?
And just keep that in mind, cool?
All right, so number one.
You're gonna do Online Dating.
You need to make sure that you have
a fresh attitude about it.
If you don't have a fresh attitude about it,
you're probably not ready to go for it yet, all right?
So go in with a fresh attitude or don't do it at all,
all right?
I know we always are like, let's get yourself out there,
but you really have to have the mindset.
If you don't have the mindset,
then it's something that we need to work through, okay?
So I know there's probably a few ladies maybe in replay
that are watching this,
and y'all don't have a great attitude about Online Dating.
We're like, let's uncover that.
Let's go to the Lord with that.
What's holding you back, all right?
How can we shift your attitude?
How can we get that fresh perspective?
Okay, that's what we're here for.
Come to us, let us know what's going on, okay?
When you go onto Online Dating, number two,
go in, actually date.
Go in to get to know yourself.
Go in it to practice your dating skills, okay?
Some of you go in there,
and then you start talking to people,
and then you're just sitting here
like digital relationships,
and you're not ready to actually go and date in real life,
okay?
That's not what Online Dating's for.
It's a way for you to connect and to find people.
or people to find you,
and then let's actually start doing dates, okay?
You might wanna do a video chat before you jump in
and have like a live date, that's totally fine.
But we don't wanna stay here on the digital
for a super long time.
One week, let's drop the hanky.
If the guys aren't asking you out,
like, hey, I wanna get to know you better,
let's go meet for coffee, let's go bowling,
let's do this.
Ladies, it's okay for you to just say,
hey, I really think you're a cool guy.
Why don't we go ahead and set a time
to get to know each other?
Let's do a Zoom call.
Let's do a video chat.
Let's go grab coffee.
I mean, I don't love the coffee dates.
I really don't,
because then you feel like you're sitting in an interview.
I know Jackie discourages you all
from going on the coffee dates.
I understand, like I still went on coffee dates,
because sometimes it's just the easiest thing to do.
It's quick, it's easy.
But again, like, get creative with it.
Don't just always revert to the coffee date, you know?
If you can't get around it, understandable.
Try to go and do something fun, all right?
Go bowling.
I mean, I also did walks,
because you can actually talk to people,
but then you're actually doing something active.
Those of you that have dogs,
if you meet a guy that has a dog,
take your dogs to the dog park, right?
All right, so try to,
just try to get creative with that, all right?
But let's get on some dates, all right?
Gonna be online dating, get on the date.
Number three, be willing to deal with the scammers,
the ghosters, the wishy-washy men.
Just pass them by, ladies.
It's not your job to teach them how to date.
It's not your job to share the gospel with them.
It's, or to tell them what they're doing wrong,
or to date the way that you date.
It's not your job.
It's also not your job to teach them
how to do their heart work.
I know we are like, oh, this is like,
it blows our mind because we're getting so much from it.
We're like, oh, like, this is a new way of dating,
and it's this date for discovery, you know?
Some of these guys are not gonna get it,
and it's not your job to teach it to them, ladies.
And you're gonna come across some scammers.
You're gonna come across the guys that are ghosting.
You're gonna come across guys that are wishy-washy.
They all have, like, we all have yellow flags, all right?
And I will also say, ladies,
you want some of these guys to ghost you.
You do.
I know, I've seen, I don't know if I've seen it.
I think I've seen it in phase two.
I think I've also been seeing it in phase three
a little bit, because I do sometimes pop in there
to see how my old phase two ladies are doing
that have moved on to phase three.
But I do see this.
Like, some women get super discouraged
when they get ghosted.
I think some of you ladies, I don't know who it was,
recently, might've posted something
how they're getting discouraged with men
that wanna have the sex conversations.
They're sexualizing conversations.
And when you share with them your position
of, you know, the covenant of marriage
and withholding and abstaining from sexual relationship
outside of marriage,
y'all are getting ghosted by these guys.
And then you guys are like, oh, like, there's,
you know, I'm sad.
No, be excited.
You just got holy ghosted.
Okay?
Holy ghosted.
God just protected you from men
that do not align with that belief.
And they've removed themselves.
Holy Spirit has allowed them to remove themselves.
You don't want
to continue to engage with men
that are not gonna be in alignment with that.
Okay?
Now, we can teach you ways
of how to navigate those conversations with men.
Because I know you ladies, again,
be willing to deal with some guys
that might not understand this.
And we're here to coach you through what that looks like.
How to redirect those types of conversations.
How to hold boundaries with those kinds of conversations.
Okay?
Just because a guy might, you know,
bring up like what your position is on that,
you know, it doesn't mean he,
it doesn't always mean that they're,
like, looking to have premarital sex.
Okay?
Now, I'm not saying that they don't,
because there are guys that do that,
but we also have to break this idea that they're,
because I'm gonna just say this.
I know some of y'all are like,
but that's all men want.
It's all men want, right?
And now we're sitting here.
We're aligning with a lie that all men want is sex.
Ladies, not all of them do.
I have, there's so many women in this community that are now married and
were married to men that held that sacred.
Believe it or not, like even my husband, he was the one that was like, look, I'm
not interested in having sex outside of marriage.
I was like, well, that's such a relief, you know, but like, but they're out there.
Okay.
So don't align with this lie that there are no good men out there that are
not going to withstain from that.
Okay.
Does it mean that it's not going to be hard to withstand from it, especially
when you find yourself in a relationship with somebody, once you get to level
three and you start having like romantic, like handholding and all that kind of
stuff, and you're really getting close.
Yeah.
It's going to be difficult, but you, again, like it's important to know that
there are men out there that will respect those boundaries and do that.
And that's what we're here to help you with.
Okay.
We're here to help you navigate any of that.
All right.
Number four, online dating, your profile.
Okay.
Pick your best photos, closeup, full links.
Don't put other people in your photos.
Okay.
Don't cover your face with sunglasses and make sure that you're posting
pictures of you that are smiling.
Guys like a nice smile.
They also want to see your eyes.
They also don't want to see all your best friends in a photo.
Okay.
Ladies, it's okay.
Maybe if you have one, okay.
But let's make sure that we really showcase ourselves.
Sometimes what happens, and this happened to me when I was online dating and I'd
see guys and they had groups of photos of other guys, like I'll admit it.
Sometimes I was looking at their friends because their friends were cute.
And I got distracted.
Ladies, don't put pictures of your friends in there that they
can get distracted by.
All right.
Showcase yourself.
All right.
Be positive about who you are.
So again, there goes, don't be negative.
Be positive about you.
What do you like to do?
What are you looking for?
What qualities and attributes do you find attractive?
And then fill all the places on those profiles as best as you can.
I know there's things that like photos, make sure you're putting photos,
answering the questions.
If there's a place to add a video, do your part.
Okay.
It doesn't mean like, again, I know some guys don't do it, but just do your part.
Yes.
Brittany, sometimes your friends are more attractive and you're like, Hey, like I
want to get to know you, but I really want to get to know your friend more.
All right.
Number five, online dating focus on one or two sites at a time.
Maybe a third one.
Try one free one and one paid one.
Don't overwhelm yourself, ladies.
Okay.
Number six, make sure that you only text for about a week, text mess, like
you're messaging on the app or texting, whatever, make sure you're only doing
that for about a week and then start.
Let's, let's make sure that again, like I said, and number two, like
you actually want to go and date.
So set up the, set up the video, zoom dates, set up, you know, phone
call, um, or live date, not always.
I mean, the phone call is good for like a quick, but then make
sure you get in front of them.
All right.
If you're long distance, the zoom, the video chat is great.
I mean, if you're an hour, two hours away, do a video.
Um, you know, you want to see how they're interacting with you.
All right.
And then get on that live date.
As long as it wasn't awful.
If you have a video date first, as long as it wasn't like excruciating.
Go on the live date.
Okay.
Um, number seven, I'm going to tell you some top things to say as you're
getting to know people on the apps.
Okay.
Um, you know, ask them like, what are you looking, are you
looking to date in real life?
Um, if they ask you certain questions, especially maybe if they're questions
that are, have some more depth into them say, Hey, those are great questions for
a live chat.
So we can hear like each other's tone and inflection.
And, you know, why don't we set that up?
Like these are great questions.
I'd love to answer.
Why don't we do it, you know, face to face on a, on a video call, you know,
maybe ask them what things.
do you do that take up your time that matter to you?
That's a good question, ladies.
You get an idea of what's important to them,
and be willing to share what's important to you and what you
do that takes up your time that matters to you.
Ladies, this is where sometimes that organic conversation
about how your faith is important to you can come into play.
You're just sharing how your faith is important to you.
Do not expect them to sit there and share their faith to you.
Don't hear what I'm not saying,
because some of you all want to sit and probe and you
want to know what their faith walk is.
It's not always going to happen.
I can get into that a little bit later too about
some spiritual intimacy stuff that sometimes can cloud things.
Next thing, top thing to say,
asking them what things do they do to decompress or relax or restore.
That will tell you whether or not they're an introvert or an extrovert.
Do they go out and spend time around people to
recharge or do they need quiet time with themselves?
What does that look like for them?
How do they refresh themselves?
Again, ladies, be able to share the same thing back.
Some of you ladies might be like,
I don't know what I do because I don't do it.
Some of you ladies might not practice that self-care and refreshing yourselves either.
Something to think about. I don't know why I just said that.
Somebody probably needed to hear it because they're not taking care of themselves.
They're not giving themselves some self-care.
Another thing, top things to say,
stick to the present-day conversations.
What they're wanting to do in the next year or two.
We're not sitting here prolonging things like,
oh, what do you want to do in 10 years?
Where do you see yourself? Just stick to the here and now.
Then as you get into those days,
then you can have those types of conversations that things flow.
Important thing to remember,
this is the last thing I'm going to share on this number 7,
is do not overshare about your trauma,
your drama, your ex-situation, your triggers.
Don't go too deep in the faith talk or the sex talk.
Here's the thing, is sometimes we're not going to have that,
but then they want to bring those conversations up.
That happened to me. My husband did that.
My husband asked some pretty deep questions and I was like,
I'm ready to answer those.
It doesn't mean that he was a bad guy.
Obviously, I married him.
Ladies, when these guys go in deep,
it's just because they don't sometimes know they're not supposed to do that.
Again, if they are asking deep questions or they're oversharing,
there's ways of saying, hey,
that's a great question for us to tackle once we've gotten to know each other more.
Or if they're oversharing, say, wow,
I appreciate you being vulnerable with me
or really disclosing some of that information with me.
Then redirect and ask more of a light-hearted question.
Kind of redirect when they go there.
Again, if it continues to come up as you're on 1, 2, 3 dates,
again, give us details,
let us know what's happening and we can help you navigate that.
Just a couple more things.
Number 8, be open to long distance only if you can afford to do it.
You're willing to relocate or the person that you're
talking to has expressed that they're willing to relocate.
For the longest time, I was not willing to relocate,
so I just didn't entertain that.
Then finally, I was like, all right, Lord,
I guess if I need to relocate,
you're going to make it happen.
Then that's when my husband came into play.
Because he lived in Texas, I lived in Florida.
Ladies, I was not going to leave Florida.
Guess what? I don't live in Florida anymore.
I live in Texas.
Most times I enjoy it.
Today might not be the best time because we're getting ready to have this crazy freeze,
and I'm like, I'm so cold.
I want my warm weather back.
But again, if you're willing to relocate or they are and you can afford it,
then go ahead and open the parameters.
If you know that you can't,
if you're bound to an area because maybe you have children that you share with a former,
and you just know you can't.
You can't relocate because you have parenting agreements.
Don't get involved with somebody long distance unless they're
able to relocate because you're not going to be able to because then things just get weird
because you start developing feelings for somebody that you you can't end up neither one of you can
move all right so we we don't want to find you we don't want you ladies to find yourselves in
those types of situations okay um be okay nope i already said that um let them know that if you
want to see them again so as like if you're on dates and you want to see them let them know that
you want to see them again let them know hey i really had a great time let's do this again
save at the end of the day and then if they didn't like catch wind of it like the next day
message and be like i really had such an awesome time it was so fun getting to know you you know
i really hope we can do that again sometime let them know and then hopefully they'll pick it up
and they'll set a second date up with you oh yeah that was great let's definitely do that again
all right and then you'll be like awesome let me know when you're available
right and then remember ladies it's a yes until it's a no and again when i say that
there's some balance there if it's a no for you let us know why it's a no okay doesn't mean that
you're like you have to force yourself on like three or four dates with someone that you're like
no no okay but i do want you ladies coming to us and letting us know why because if we see patterns
over you know a couple guys and you're constantly saying no for the same kinds of reasons we can
help you work through certain things okay um so that's about it again remember ladies don't judge
your experience with others experiences okay and this comes from two different ways so just because
online didn't dating was a horror for you in the past or maybe it was a horror for your friends
that are currently on online dating doesn't mean it has to be that way for you or has to be like
that now all right also don't put yourself in the comparison game when you're seeing your sisters
here in this community that are having different experiences than you all right don't lose hope
all right remember we all have a process that god wants to work um through us
for his promise okay cool cool cool awesome all right i see a couple questions i see five six
people that have their hands raised i see some things in the chat here so i want to kind of go
through that first and then we'll start taking some questions um let me see let's see let's see
okay yep got there okay that's good what if there are not a lot of people in your area
um then that's fine yeah you might have to do zooms more consistently okay again if there's not
a lot of people in your area and you're open to being able to travel and they are too then then
that is it's always a good thing okay um who had good date ideas um so yeah we can and again post
those in the all chat if you want lady i mean how many ladies in this community that have been on
date so leslie throw that in the all community that community and all and say hey ladies let's
get some ideas going and then you know y'all can post some of your fun date ideas all right i i
always i like um i'm trying to think of some of the dates that i've been on and i'll use i mean
some of the dates i've been on with my husband that have been fun um axe throwing like i'm
competitive and so that was something for me like like i want someone that can hang with me
competitively competitively all right i you know when i was single i had my one my youngest all
right so he he's nine now he was like seven at the time he was how old was he was like
four or five when i came into the program and then when i met my husband he was about seven
and he plays like competitive he plays baseball and so i'm very like i'm that baseball mom that's
on the sidelines y'all i'm screaming like sometimes i have to check myself because
i'm like super competitive you know and i'm getting you know i'm getting into it so i needed
someone that was gonna hang with me and so i wanted to go on dates where i could see like a
competitive nature of a guy is he gonna like is he gonna be turned off if i'm like die hard like
let's get into this because ladies that's part of like that i love that about myself and so i want
someone to see that okay and get to know the real me and i want to see the real them one of our my
second date with my husband was at an arcade i don't love video games but they can be fun
you know playing pinball i do like pinball
We had some of those like driving games, y'all.
My second date with my husband,
we were like doing the driving thing and I beat his butt
and I made sure he knew that I kicked his butt.
All right, and he's just like, no, I let you win.
I'm like, no, you didn't.
You didn't let me win.
Not a thing, all right.
So those are some good date ideas, Leslie.
Dinner dates, yeah.
Like dinner dates are sometimes again,
like careful with those
because those can turn into interview sessions.
All right, so we don't want that.
But again, sometimes that's just the easiest thing to do
because we all have to eat, right?
Make time to eat so then we can, you know,
go on a date there.
Someone, okay, taking your dog to the vet to get spayed.
Hey, then you can see if they're an animal person, right?
Good, good stuff.
So, okay, Janice is saying,
what if a friend you're interested in
asks you what do you want to talk about
after you ask for a meetup?
They haven't agreed to meet up
because they feel anxious without knowing
what you're going to talk about.
I'm a little confused on that.
Is Janice still here?
I don't know if I see her.
Oh, where did everybody go?
I've been having people pop in and out.
Let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six,
six, seven, eight, 10.
I think we've had about 20 people on
and we keep popping in and out.
All right, maybe Janice will pop back in.
She might have had her hand raised
and that's the other one
because we had six and now we have five.
Yep, Holy Ghost did.
Okay, good, good, good.
What if it's long distance?
Stephanie, I'm not sure what you're referring to.
I know that was probably a few minutes ago
when we were getting into that.
You might have to refresh my memory.
You're good?
Okay, awesome.
How do you handle different cultures
that may want to be with their family a lot?
Okay, that's a good one.
Bernice, are you still here?
She's still here?
Yes, will you put your hand up?
Do you have, we can definitely go into that.
Definitely, we can definitely talk about that.
I think that will help some of the ladies.
How do you know when it's time
to date someone exclusively?
Okay, Amanda, that's a good one.
Amanda, are you still here?
Put your hand up, please.
Yep, I'm gonna pull this out of you ladies.
I'm gonna get you all talking to me, okay?
Natasha, that's your situation.
Not a lot in your area,
but getting hits from two guys, two or three.
Okay, and one was willing to meet me halfway.
That's good, but he was dodging doing a video call.
Okay, he like says, yes, sure,
but then when I schedule something or he is free
and try to get us on a video call,
he disappears and comes back later.
Okay, yeah, I don't know.
Like, let's be cautious of that
because sometimes ladies,
okay, I don't want to freak any of you out,
but if men are dodging the video calls,
sometimes it's because they might be a scammer.
Okay, now if he's willing to come meet you halfway,
maybe see if you set something up in person
and see if he follows through, okay?
Or again, just be like, look,
before we invest time in driving
and meeting each other halfway,
I think it's important that we have a video call.
If that's not, ladies,
throw that up as a boundary if you need to.
If that's what's gonna make you feel comfortable
to meet somebody in person,
then he needs to honor that, okay?
And here's the thing, ladies,
like, y'all can't ruin your spirit mate,
opportunity with your spirit mate, right?
So if that guy's not willing to get on a video call with you
or set something up in stone,
be like, okay, well, when you're ready, let me know.
And then let it go.
And if he's popping back in, be like,
hey, I really wanna invest some time in getting to know you
but we need to do a video chat
that's gonna make me feel comfortable.
And if he's not willing to do that,
then be like, okay, I don't know if we're on the same page.
I wish you the best of luck.
Peace out, dude, right?
Okay, awesome, all right, got lots of questions.
We're about an hour in.
So again, short, brief and powerful, okay?
I want one question.
And then if we have time at the end,
after everybody's gotten through their one question,
then we can take another call, okay?
Or not another call, another question.
All right, Melissa, how are you?
All right, Carla, I'm doing good.
Good. I think you posted in our community, right?
Yes.
You had the one with, remind me, refresh my memory.
Well, it was, so the guy I'm seeing, like, frequently, I went on yesterday,
would have been the fifth date.
Okay, yeah.
From the second date, well, even on the first date, he told me he liked me a lot,
but on the second date, he was like,
is this too early for me to ask you to be my girlfriend?
And I don't even think he had the whole sentence out.
And I went, yes.
We don't know each other well enough.
He's like,
That's good. I love that. And I don't know, did you see my response?
Yes. And he just said, okay, just so you know, I'm all in.
And then he, like, left to go and we continued.
But what I posted in the group was,
it kind of, like, was doing something with the way of my thinking,
because I can just let you know, it'll be quicker just to explain.
I, in our conversations, like, the first time that I didn't mention to him
that that was me that said it, that was about,
he was talking, he's really into health.
And he says, avocados are healthy.
And he doesn't know what to eat them with.
So he's just eating them plain.
So I was like, oh, I really love them on steak.
He's like, oh, that sounds really interesting.
I'll have to try that.
And then we're sitting at Panera and I'm, like, eating.
And he's like, I don't know who it was,
but I really like eating those avocados.
And he starts saying the whole, what our conversation was.
And I didn't, I didn't say anything because I was like, well, this is weird.
And at first I was just kind of, I don't know.
I just, I was kind of, like, thrown off.
And then on Friday, when we were on a date,
we were talking about having another-
It was a pastor, right?
Like, he thought it was a pastor, but it was-
Yeah.
But the reason why this really bothered me is what I had said,
it was actually something that was spoken at my brother's funeral.
And so it was, it was basically, like,
how you don't want to get stuck in a box with someone's denomination.
So what was said at the funeral was,
there's going to be three surprises when we get to heaven.
One, that you're there.
Two, no, one, who is there, who's not there, and that you're there.
Because people have in their minds of who they think will be in heaven.
We don't know people's hearts.
So I had, like, said this and he was repeating it.
And so finally, I just, like, jokingly was like, that was me.
I'm the one that said that.
He's like-
How did he respond when you said that?
He was smiling.
He was talking to me.
He's like, oh, well, you say a lot of things that sound like something a pastor would say.
So it's like, so that's probably why I was, he's like, I just couldn't remember.
But I don't know.
The first time it happened, I thought it was weird.
But then when it happened a second time, I guess, like, the next day when I was at work,
I just thought, he says he's, like, so into me and, like, really wants to have an exclusive
relationship, but he can't even remember what we're talking about.
So it just-
Yeah.
I didn't know if it was actually a narcissistic trait to, like, make me feel, like, strange,
like, confused or, you know, what to think.
I don't think so.
And I think I even posted in there and I kind of gave you some of my own, like, I kind of
tried to give you a different perspective because-
Yeah.
Which I did.
It reminded me a lot of my husband.
Okay.
Yeah.
It reminded me a lot of my husband, okay?
Because my husband, from the get-go, like, he knew what he wanted.
He knew he wanted to be married again.
And he, like, he'd been dating for some time.
His, like, I mean, he loved, he wanted to be married.
He told me even, like, when he was younger, like, he just knew he wanted to be a husband,
okay?
And so I will say this, ladies, sometimes men just know they want to be married.
And so don't freak out if guys are all about ready to be exclusive, okay?
That's why I love that you still put a boundary on it, okay?
You did a good job, all right?
It doesn't mean that men are, like, trying to love bomb us if they do.
Sometimes, yes, it is, okay?
So, again, this is sometimes it will be and sometimes it won't.
Just, again, having these clear perspectives, okay, ladies?
If a guy wants you to be exclusive right away, it could just be a yellow flag.
It doesn't mean it's red.
Yeah.
Some men know.
They know they want to be married.
And oftentimes, like, you'll, Jackie, okay, so for those of you who don't know,
Jackie married my husband and I.
She officiated our wedding.
And what she does when she does officiate weddings, like, she can't really do a lot of
them now because she's really, really busy, but she asked both of us, and I know she's
done this with other couples, she asked them, like, when did you know?
And a lot of times men know on the first date.
They just do.
He's told me that he thinks that I am the one.
He's already told me that.
Us women sometimes need a little more time, right?
But some men don't, okay?
And so, again, like men that are not, especially men that are not in our program,
they don't know that that's like, oh, hold on.
Like that's really quick.
So, again, it's just, it's setting that boundary.
Like, hey, no, let's just spend some time getting to know each other, okay?
Now, like, again, referring to the not remembering, ladies,
my husband really struggles with his memory.
A lot of it is honestly like he is such a snorer.
And that can be linked to, so when they don't,
if they're snoring and they're not well rested and they're not getting a
lot of oxygen,
it actually can create a lot of like health risks where they're not
getting enough oxygen.
They've got brain fog and they're overwhelmed.
If, I mean, my husband is really hard working,
like he's in sales and he's starting his own business.
He's can easily be overwhelmed.
I have to give him a lot of reminders.
Okay.
So don't, I would say just careful what you're assuming right away.
Okay.
I'm not saying like, again, I would preface like what,
what fear is coming up in you,
what anxious thoughts are coming up in you and let's let allow this to be an
opportunity to work on some of,
if there's any healing or a lie that you're believing, what fear,
anxious thought is coming up and help you process through what that looks
like.
Like that fear, anxious thought coming from, is it tied to a lie?
Let's replace it with God's truth. Okay.
Again, ladies, I share this often with y'all.
It's not always about how the men are responding or what they're doing.
It's how we're responding and what can we use that?
Like, how can we use that opportunity to grow us?
And, um, use it like,
how is God using that person to prepare us for what he has for us in
marriage?
Yeah. And I already learned about, yeah.
And what the assuming I already kind of learned that because actually when I
first, I was talking to him and when I first went on the dates, I,
I got the feeling that I was the first person he had dated since he was
divorced. Like, I really thought that in my head,
but actually on Friday,
when we were having that conversation about what he had forgotten,
I said kind of how it came up was because he actually just started telling
me that he had went on. I'm not sure.
I think he said went out with two or three other women and he was actually
saying, I don't know. They said they were Christian.
I don't know if they're just marking that because they're not Muslim.
Like he like said this, he's like, but they definitely didn't act Christian.
He said, you're the only woman that I've dated that actually I feel that is
an actual question. So, um,
Yeah, but that made me feel good.
Yeah.
But then I felt actually better to know that he had dated other people.
Cause I didn't feel that he was zooming in on me. So I was like, Oh great.
Most women would not be happy about that, but I was actually happy.
And maybe that's why he was like ready to go exclusive with you.
He was like excited. He's like, yes,
finally a woman that is like actually has a relationship with the Lord.
Like this girl right up. Right. I mean, remember ladies,
like these guys, they all have, like, we can't assume,
we can't assume anything.
This is why the just this fading for discovery is important is because it's
really a time for us to get to know them, to get to know ourselves. Again,
y'all are going to have some yellow flags. There's going to be some, some,
you know,
certain thoughts that want to surface as we start getting into dating.
And these are those opportunities where the dating process is going to grow.
You, it's going to stretch you. It's going to grow you.
It's going to highlight things in you that, you know,
you have to work through you you'll work through it on your, on your own.
And then when you get into relationship,
you're going to work on those things with your partners too. Okay.
So hopefully Melissa, like you're getting, you know,
you're feeling some ease with it again, just proper pacing,
which it sounds like, you know, you're doing don't overthink it.
Don't overanalyze it. Just relax. Have fun.
Jackie had to say that to me so many times.
times when I was in this dating process like I was ladies if you haven't taken
the attachment style quiz it's in the resource tab of our app check it out do
it okay it will help give you an idea of how like how you attach in a
relationship I was an anxious attacher like I was your I mean even when I was
in marriage like I retook that quiz when I first got married and I was like man
I'm still an anxious attacher I recently just took it like a week ago I'm more of
a secure attachment but it's also because my husband is a secure attacher
and so his secure attachment helps me feel more secure okay and so but I have
to recognize when I'm starting to it I'll still creep up some of my ancient
attachment even in marriage and it's not to like shame myself or to shame any of
you ladies it's for us to recognize so that we can go through and work with the
Lord on what we need to process through okay so just take the like ladies just
take that attachment style quiz so as you start getting into dating you're
gonna see things because some of you are gonna be anxious attachers and the way
we coach you in that some of you ladies that are avoidant attachment you're
gonna pick up on that well we're not we're not coaching an avoidant
attachment the same way we're coaching an anxious attacher or some of y'all are
like both of them okay so just keep that in mind when we're coaching and you guys
are watching how we coach other women just keep that in mind like ooh she
might be you know applying that because the person's anxiously attaching and not
avoidant and I'm avoidant so maybe I need to work on that okay does that make
sense I kind of feel like it's off on a tangent there Melissa yes you might be
sleeping you might be snoring when you're sleeping I sometimes struggle
with my memory too okay thank you so much Melissa I hope that blessed you I
hope that you feel thank you just reading what you said about her husband
actually made me feel better but I still wanted to talk to you about it
all right well you are welcome Alessandra you're up next
hello city gal yes so after last week I decided to open up my filters a little
bit more so they're on spiritual Catholic Christian anyways I started
talking to this guy I shared this on the resources in the video or in the
community video sorry talking this guy really liked him he was supposed to
message me on Friday after work he never did then Monday came he said how
was your weekend I didn't respond then Tuesday he's like are you okay and then
finally I said you know I'm just looking for someone who's a little bit more
intentional and wanting to get to know me and he said yes so just giving a
context he said oh I'm so sorry if that if you perceived that you know I would
still love this that was not my intention at all I would still love to
meet so we met we had a great time and I mentioned and he's very he's very into
theology so he said when he was living in LA he used to go to church because he
likes us Christian churches but also like he's been to synagogues and he's
his his grandparents were very Catholic he's spoken to the Pope multiple times
but he's also brought the Dalai Lama four times to Mexico and so I he said
you know they all the religions have like the same values and I said well
yeah they have similar values but then I was like just said you know but only one
of them has Jesus who conquered death and gave it whatever so I did my whole
thing and he said he was like wow and then he texted me off and I said you
know you should come to church with me he's like oh I would love to and then he
texted me after the date wait so you offered him to come to church with you
or he offered you to come to church with him I offered him I was like yes you
should come to the church like an open invitation like after I went on my
little evangelical spiel of a evangelical spiel which I never do but I
don't know why I just went was like you know supernatural power really we had
resurrection power in us he was like oh wow and I was like yeah you should come
to church sometimes then then he's he messaged me when I got home a really
sweet message like you were such an interesting person I absolutely love
seeing you and you left me thinking I would love to go to church with you
sometime okay but then you were saying on the chat you're like don't go in
yeah so obviously you've already thrown that up you've offered that but yeah we
can definitely chat about why that is okay and I even think like we're in the
there's possibility like we even oh let's see I think it'll be good at some
point for Jackie to even teach on this and I think we're gonna we're we're in
the works of hopefully doing something where she can kind of talk a little bit
more on this because what happens
So when we start going to church, worshiping with men, praying with men, doing devotionals
with men in the early stages of dating, it will create a spiritual intimacy with somebody.
And so what will happen is we will attach to them.
It's almost like you get this connection with someone where you feel closer to them than
you actually are.
And then it can then lead to hindering us to seeing maybe red flags or yellow flags
because now we have this like spiritual connection with them.
And what happens, especially in our community, we're all desiring for these kingdom marriages
with husbands that are going to show up and lead well and be connected and have these
like, our marriages are going to be centered around the Lord.
And so what can happen in these early stages, we can start over fantasizing what this looks
like because now we're going to church with this guy that maybe we've only known for a
week or two, and we can start fantasizing and picturing what it's going to look like
if this goes into relationship and it's a level three relationship and what's it going
to look like in marriage.
And we can start fantasizing with this person that we hardly know.
And then we get blinded.
It gets almost like, so let me even kind of break this down.
More of for those that have ever been in relationship and have had sex outside of marriage.
We talk about this is why we say abstain from sex, the physical connection, all that kind
of stuff, because it will bond you.
It will bond us.
If we have this emotional connection, the chemistry is there, like our brains will release
endorphins when we have a sexual connection with somebody and we will feel attached to
them and we will be blind to all the things.
Okay, that happened to me, right?
For those of you who don't know, I had a child at a wedlock.
I was so blind to all of the red flags and not just with my son's father, even the
relationships previous.
So what can happen, especially in our community where, you know, maybe women are abstaining
from the sex, right?
Most of us have this, you know, we're convicted not to have sex outside of marriage.
But what some of us women struggle with is this spiritual intimacy with somebody.
And then it's almost very similar to the sexual connection, the physical connection.
It can happen the same way in the spiritual.
Okay, so that's why we really do encourage you ladies, like don't be having devotionals
with guys.
Don't be having like prayer time with them.
Don't buy into like, I mean, in some manner, going to want to send you the spiritual scriptures
and you're like, oh, this is so wonderful.
I've seen it.
I've been so many times where women get so fantasy.
Oh, but he's this, you know, he loves the Lord and he's such a great person.
Ladies, my son's father did the same thing.
I love the Lord.
I go to church, come to church with me.
And ladies, I got myself in a situation.
And then all of a sudden, the guy, like he didn't have a relationship with the Lord.
But by then I was already in deep, super deep.
Okay.
And I know that Ebony will probably share this tonight.
If she talks about this, she shared with me, and I'm sure she'll be okay with me sharing
it, is this happened even in her former marriage.
You know, they prayed together, they went to church, all this stuff.
And then they get into marriage.
And then all of a sudden he stopped.
But so I have a question on that.
So that's actually my worry.
I totally get the spiritual.
That's my worry is that like, I start dating this guy.
I'm already super into him.
I started dating this guy and he messages every day.
And he's just so respectful and sweet and consistent, all this stuff.
So it's like, I started dating this guy for two months.
And then he's not Christian.
He's not going to become Christian.
You know, I find that out like later on.
And now it's like so much even harder for me to pull away.
Well, then let's ask why you're attaching super quick.
Like what's, I mean, what's happening?
What beliefs are you aligning with?
Like, what are you like, how, like what is happening there?
Because again, ladies, in this level two relationship, like we teach,
especially in that dating 101, is if we're over fantasizing or romanticizing
a relationship and then, and you take it into a deeper relationship too soon,
and then things kind of don't work out, then we're tore up from the floor up.
Why?
You know, what, what's happening?
How are we attaching too quickly?
Are we fantasizing about something?
I'm not, again, I'm just saying this because I don't know, like, these are
things that, you know, I would encourage you to kind of sit with the Lord on and
ask him to reveal to you, you know, Lord, why, why am I finding myself here?
What's happening?
What am I believing?
Is there anything in my counterfeit that I'm believing or aligning with, or is
there any lies, you know, Lord that you want to uncover and then let's process
through that and then let's start revealing his truth, you know, sometimes
it could be, you know, we have a scarcity mindset, we, we like this person and it
seems like that's the only promising person.
So we're going to attach to them and we're just going to try to make it like
be something that we really want it to be.
Cause God, I want it to be.
But then we're, we're so focused on like holding it tightly and then we don't see
how it's really not what God wants for us, but we're holding onto it so tight.
And this is where that surrender the pen comes.
We have to surrender the pen.
It doesn't have to look the way that we want it to look.
We have to trust the Lord.
Okay.
And I can say this because I am on the other side of it, but ladies, when your
spirit mate comes, it will make sense.
I promise you.
I was like blown away.
My, my love story looked nothing like the way I had envisioned it or the
way that I had hoped or dreamed.
Obviously my husband was living in Texas and I was not moving, but God
showed me certain intricate details.
He was so intentional.
Like God was so intentional in my love story.
It was so obvious, so gentle.
And I was like, this is not what I imagined it.
Even my marriage now, it's not always what I imagined.
You know, we were going through like, you know, ladies, I will tell you.
And Jackie will tell you like, marriage is not for the faint of heart.
There is so much growth that happens in marriage and it doesn't look the way
that I hoped it would look, but I know that God's in it and I know that it's good.
All right.
So again, it's, it's surrender that pen.
Let's ask ourselves, like, ask yourself, like, what is it that I'm not releasing
to the Lord and let's process and then process through that.
Okay.
Normally I'm always just writing, spending all day writing to them and
did it, and this time it's just like, nope, you know, we write a few sentences
in the morning and the evening and like, okay, let me take this slowly.
Thing that's also coming up because I, you shared this and I'm going to, I'm
going to challenge you a little bit with this is he didn't respond to you.
Like you said he was, and I'm not saying that he was, you know, okay for doing
that, but I would challenge yourself as why you got really closed off and he
reached out to you and then you were like, I'm not going to respond to you.
There's a hardness there.
Interesting.
And then he prompted again.
And so that's why I, that's why I think I might've asked you in that, like,
why didn't you not bring it up when he reached out the first time and be like,
Oh, Hey, it's nice to hear from you.
I was a little confused because you said that you were going to reach out on
Friday and you never did.
I wasn't sure what to think about that.
You should have done that.
I mean, that's what I'm saying.
And that's why I was like, well, Hey, why didn't you say something?
And you were like, well, I might do it.
And I'm like, no, like it's, it's, it's over.
It's past.
Like, you don't have to bring it up to him.
Now.
I'm asking that question to you because I want you to search inside.
Why did you choose to kind of not respond to him right away?
And then you went out on a date with him and you had a good time.
Right?
Well, because I almost canceled the date because I thought it was a sign from the
Holy spirit that I shouldn't go out with him because his pictures were a little
Photoshopped.
I had some friends who said his pictures are weird.
Then I have other friends saying he's not Christian.
Don't go out with him.
And I literally was this close to canceling the date.
I was like, maybe he's a serial killer.
I don't know.
I got so.
In my got wrapped up you got in your head, right and you brought up something else
So some of your friends are saying oh this oh that
Ladies, and I'm not just saying this to you Allison
I'm saying it as a whole to all the ladies that are on here now and are gonna listen to the replay
You ladies have to be very very careful who you're listening to in your friend circles
Okay
Some of you are listening to some of your friends
So especially some of your Christian friends and some of your Christian friends don't have it right either
That's why it's important to come to this community, okay
We're here to help you. You're here by divine appointment
Alright, we got to be careful of the noise that we're hearing
From other people other friends all that kind of stuff
Because some of those friends they're not getting the same coaching and the teaching
Here that I know works y'all. I've
It's been almost five years
Like this this movement started in 2020. It's 2025
Okay, five years. I've seen
What we teach here
supernaturally
Do some amazing things
Okay, so we what let's come here. Let's build relationship here. Let's share those things like again
It's always like be careful on who like discern. Who do you talk to? Who do you not in your friend group?
There were some friends that I knew
They had a negative pessimistic attitude about about marriage about being single
And ladies be careful, especially in some of your married friends some of your married friends are unhappy in their marriages
And they're gonna give you a bunch of garbage because they're not happy in their marriages
Okay
Marriage is not easy
and
So you got to be careful
All right
All right, thank you, you're welcome. All right, Michelle, how are you good?
Mm-hmm. I bet this has kind of been a recurring issue for me. I
Even before doing this program I I
Look a lot younger than I am. And so now I just joined a dating site and
You know typically guys
My age or older they look a lot older than me and
I look at that and I I think you know for me personally, I've never been married
I've never had children, you know, I've been a Christian for 26 years waiting for my husband
I just had to do a lot a lot a lot of healing work
Yeah, and so when I look at these photos of the men that are around my age
I'm like they're winding down in their life, you know, and I feel like I'm just starting and
So it's it's been kind of discouraging for me because of course like
Men that are like 10 or 15 years younger
They're not interested in someone my age
which I totally get and there are small percentages that will be open to something like that, but there are few and far between and
Yeah, so I don't know I've just been like
Looking at these photos and I'm like, ah
Like they just look so I think I will encourage you is again. They're just photos
Okay, some people are just not photogenic guys are not always the greatest at posting like photogenic pictures of themselves
My husband when I saw photos of him, I didn't think he was physically that attractive
You know, there was a lot of things that he said in his
profile
That was interesting that I was like, wow, like there's some good. There's some good fruit there
At least that's what I could discern
Now I like again, this was a friend of mine saw his profile in
A group and she reached out to him to connect with me
But she screenshot it all and shared it with me
And so again, I'm looking at it and I'm like, okay, he's an okay-looking guy
But he I was not physically attracted to him, but I read through his stuff and I was like, okay
I'm interested in getting to know him. So again, we may not feel the physical attraction
I don't want you to get hung up to the point that you're just you know
You're putting men in a category without truly spending time to get to know them
Okay
Okay, like
that can create some blocks because now like if you're gonna do that like are
you really gonna be open to meeting people like we got how are you getting
out on dates are you conversing with guys like what's that look like for you
right now yeah I mean I met someone New Year's Eve and I might have accidentally
friend-zoned him again he's like 15 years younger than me or he could have
maybe figured out the math and friend-zoned me and so now I started
online dating and yeah and that's kind of like what I'm fine yeah let's put
let's get you into practice that just like again go into it with this you know
open mindset of I'm just gonna get to know some some new people I'm gonna put
these dating skills into practice and we're gonna go from there because ladies
part of us you know encouraging new ladies to get out and to date is
because there's gonna be heart work that's tied to dating there's gonna be
things that the Lord wants to reveal and work in through work in you and through
you to get you prepared for marriage but if we're sitting here and we're you know
putting up blocks and and walls to not even put ourselves in front of some of
these men we're not allowing ourselves to opportunity to okay so again Michelle
I I really think our activation of listening to that supernatural Saturday
mm-hmm and you know spending some time just to realize what are you being
distracted from that's keeping you from what God wants to do think that'll be
really really good okay okay sounds good thank you okay awesome all right I
think Melissa to jump off yeah we're almost at an hour and 30 minutes I got
two more I got Brittany I can't wait to hear from Brittany and then Amanda I
know that ebony expressed have you come and share so we can process with you is
there anybody else that has like a burning question that they're gonna want
to have me unpack with you if so go ahead and put your hand up now I do
want to allow the time for it but if not I'm just gonna take Brittany and Amanda
Bernice did you want to did you want to unpack something I know you had a
question in the chat okay good okay all right Brittany what do you got all right
so I had a question it was just something that came up with like my
brother because I have a younger brother so he's in a really nice
relationship with his girlfriend and I also have a childhood friend who's now
getting married so she's been with her person for about five years so I did
tell them like they were the first two people that I told because they knew I
was going to meet Michael this weekend and and so I asked I told him about like
you know we enter into level three like that kind of relationship and I asked
him how long did it take for them to bring to bring them over around like
other family members and parents and things like that because I know for my
brother it was I want to say about four or five months in and so yeah so I I
understand because we him and I know like how my mom and my dad is more my
mom and my other friend who's getting married she mentioned that it took her
months I just wanted to know how long is too long before introducing someone like
a partner into family yeah so this is gonna be different from everybody
because everybody has different family dynamics okay I know off the top of my
head I remember I mean and I you know obviously I was in the program with
Bethany when we were both dating and meeting our husbands and things of that
nature and and she'll express and I'm sure she'd be okay with me sharing this
with you ladies is you know her family dynamic wasn't super healthy and so when
she met Brian and and she was getting to know him and they were discussing to you
know be in a level three relationship and looking at engagement she did not
bring Brian around right away but and to her family because the dynamic was
different but instead she brought them around other people that were healthy in
her life that weren't more like family so it was like friends that she
considered family she introduced him to and they hung out and did stuff together
so I don't think that it has to be like it's not really it's not a timeline sort
of thing but it's like as you get into level three relationship with someone
which you are now are which I
super excited. Um, it's bringing them around healthy people. As
you are starting to bring that in, like I know, you know,
Bethany had chose to move from Kentucky to Indiana to be closer
to Brian, so that they could, you know, really see if, you
know, marriage was a possibility. And so she got in
close proximity, I do know that she didn't let her family know
right away that she was doing that. And so I know even her mom
was, you know, a bit discouraged and upset. But
Bethany had to really put up some really strong boundaries
because she like, she knew how unhealthy some of her family
members were. So just really matters of, you know, who's
healthy, who's not healthy in your inner circle family and
that nature. So if you have, ladies, I know some of you come
from some really toxic family backgrounds. Okay, and so it may
not be ideal for you to bring that toxicity, because here's
the thing. And I also when I got in a relationship, like I didn't
let a lot of people know right away, because there were going
to be people in my life that were probably going to be like
discouraging. And I didn't want that being spoken over my
relationship. And so I let my close people that I knew were
going to lift me and my now husband up and pray for us and
what God wanted to do. I let those people in first. Okay, and
then as there was, you know, again, like, I knew that that
was strong. And so then that way, when I started, you know,
bringing in other people that might, you know, not see it as a
positive thing, then, then I at least knew that I had the
support of the people that were really important to me that
were really healthy in my life. So it's gonna be, it's just
gonna be like, what is your family dynamic? Okay, and it
doesn't have to be rushed.
Yes, that's, that's something that Michael and I were talking
about, because I brought it up to him and just having that
conversation. And so he even said, like, I was like, we both
weren't in a rush, obviously. So yeah, he just said, whenever we
felt like it was time to be able to, you know, bring, bring
each other around family and stuff. I was like, yeah, that's
perfectly fine. Because I do have a few family members that
are toxic, my mom can kind of go that route if I do bring someone
home. And so I just want to make sure that I'm able to do this
like, well, basically, so
yeah, again, it's just it really is about creating really good
healthy boundaries, which you've, you've watched the
boundaries video, right? Like I knew, I think you're, you're
almost on that verge of going to phase three, right? Yes. In
community, that's good. I'm gonna be sad when you leave, but
I know it's gonna be good for you're gonna get so many great
things in phase three. But yeah, you know, keeping good healthy
boundaries with family, especially now that you're in
that level three is going to be important. And again,
communication, ladies, communication in any
relationship is super important. So again, just continue to
practice that healthy communication. From what I've
seen, and what you've shared, you know, it really does sound
really good with Michael. I mean, just that whole process,
like I have had
an ease in my heart with your walk and what and how that's all
progressed. So just continue that pacing and you'll be fine,
you know, and just I'm excited for you.
I'll be sadly this phase because I really enjoyed being here for
some time. And yeah, it's just Yeah, I have that same I have
that same thing like that that ease.
There's a piece. Yeah, there's just a lot of peace in that.
So yeah, I get it. And I see it. I can discern that. And that's
why I'm excited for you. And even when you're in phase three,
I do I do pop into phase three and like read up.
Like I just did that the other day and I was like looking. And
I was like, Oh, like, and so I do do my best to try to, you
know, pop in every now and then when you ladies move to phase
three. No, I don't like y'all like leaving me all to all
together. But so I just know I'm I'm always in the background.
Appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you, Brittany. Thank you. Hey,
Amanda. How are you?
I'm good.
You'll have to kind of, you know, give me the the quick
version of what I mean, I saw a little bit but remind me
refresh my memory. What's happening? And what was it that
ebony because I did briefly see that ebony wanted you to jump
in. So, um, one of the things is like with the dating and stuff,
like, I got really overwhelmed when I got into stage two, like
I was really, really excited.
it and really ready to start. And then I think the first lesson I was like
crying because I was like, it's so overwhelming. I can't do it. You know?
And so in that meantime, um, a former boyfriend from,
we broke up 2019.
I think I remember this. You came to a live and you, you, you, right. Okay.
I did. He tried to circle back. Like he's been involved in my life.
We've been friends, you know,
but he tried to circle back in before I even started the program. And I was like,
okay, I'm starting this program, you know, and stuff.
And so then he circled back again and I know he wants exclusivity, you know,
and then like some positive things in like the conversations that we've had is
like, um, there's some remorse. There's some like, Hey,
I wish I would have been more mature back then. Like, yeah,
that kind of stuff. Like, you know,
so now that, now that you, you had that, so what, um,
have you seen any fruit of what,
that he has done some healing?
So I have been watching like intention and stuff,
like being more intentional and then like listening to the things that I say,
like where, where a pattern similar, where are they different?
And so I know that I see effort. That's what I do see effort, you know?
And then my caution is, it's like, it's kind of like this, it's like,
I don't want to, I'm like, I went this far. Did I come this far?
And then I'm not even going to try anywhere else. You know,
like I don't want to jump into something exclusive, but then
I don't want fears are coming up. Like what are those fears rooted in?
Like where are those anxious thoughts? What are you believing?
So I think it's also, it all comes down to like the rejection,
like the rejections resurfacing. Um, some other things that have come,
I've watched the divine feminine,
like I've been really slow in some of the videos, you know,
so it was pretty overwhelming at first. I did not expect that at all. Um,
but I was watching some of the things and I,
I even put another post out there cause I was like, okay,
is there something that I've been doing?
That's like unintentional cause I didn't mean to like it's inadvertently,
you know, I'm not trying to do this.
It's not something that I'm looking to do,
but I've noticed that there's a group of men that I could have,
this could be church friends.
It could be coworkers completely appropriate, completely platonic.
And I feel like, Oh, that's divine feminine.
They like see me in that feminine role. They're very protective.
But then you also expressed how in relation, more of a relational year,
you're not positioning yourself there.
I don't feel like I'm being viewed in that same way.
Okay. So where do you think that root is in relationship where,
I mean, have you been hurt in past relationship? Was there, um,
any, any signs of rejection?
Like what's happened and occurred in your past?
When did you originally feel that sense of rejection?
Or I think even that was it, is it more along that sexual nature?
I think there's some, like, I think that's all like,
that's what I'm asking the Holy spirit to like really put it.
Cause I think it's all encompassing because I have,
I've had some trauma with rejection. Like, um, I'm a single mother.
I'm unwed. I'm very quick relationship. Very right there with you, girl.
I get to her very, very quick. Um, like it happened very quickly.
I was pregnant very quickly. Um, and then we were left very quickly,
you know, so it was that kind of stuff. So dealing with that,
have you, do you, so when you were in heartwork,
did you address any of that stuff?
I addressed all of those things. Then I noticed, like, like I said,
I was noticing some pattern. Like when it went,
when I was watching the divine feminine video,
I was just noticing a separate pattern. I was like,
did that communicate to me somewhere that like my value comes in sexuality,
sensuality, the abhorment, seduction, you know?
So this is, this is all good. So, and, and what, what I'm,
I'm feeling Holy spirit on right now.
And what I feel like I can share with you, I empathize,
empathize with where you're at, because I have,
I think I have a very similar story.
I got pregnant very quickly into a relationship with somebody.
I was not married and got, I mean, it was within a month.
Like it was very quickly. And when I got pregnant,
everything flipped.
And then my son's dad left me seven months.
Pregnant was very quick. There was a lot of rejection there.
There was a lot of hurt. There was a lot of trauma. And in my heart work,
I had worked through that. And I also worked some stuff through.
my family. What I will express that once we get, again, we start getting into that process
of dating, things will start coming up to the surface because there's going to be some
revealings for healing here. Okay. I, we can think that we have, have worked through the
heart work and it not saying that you didn't, you, you have, but it's almost like an onion
to that. Okay. And so I know that when I was in my season, okay, so I've dealt with some
stuff with my son's dad, the healing, okay. The heart work stuff that I had to do. And
then when I was in, still in the program, obviously, and you know, done, done my forgiveness
stuff with all of that, there was still stuff that surfaced with my worth, my value. And
there were situations that happened that would trigger me. And so those are, there can be
times where those things are just going to surface. And it's, it's nothing to be scared
of. It's literally, it's now it's just sitting with the Lord and processing through that
and, and really asking for more, for more clarity. And so that's what I would encourage
is that, you know, you sit and process some of that stuff. And so that's why I'm asking
you like, what belief systems are you aligning with going back, asking the Holy spirit of
like, where did that lie come in? What situation in my life happened where I felt that same
rejection, or I felt, you know, abandoned or rejected, or, you know, what sexual trauma
maybe have I experienced that that root came in, Lord, help me heal that area. What, and
again, ladies, it is so important in this process. It's again, remembering what we talk
about in phase one and heart work. It's not just acknowledging the lie, or the belief,
you can't erase it, you have to replace it. You can't just say, Oh, okay, I got rid of
it. No, because if you don't replace it with something, it won't come back in. So that
I think, you might start just seeing some of that stuff, you might start seeing some
of that stuff surface. And so it's really going to be time to sit with the Lord and
really, um, I think what kind of happened was like, it's like an onion peel. So like
I feel and I might have even pulled a couple layers, like through heart work. And I feel
like I really did, I really feel like I had some major, major breakthrough. But I think
that coming again, and going through this, I was like, Okay, so some of this was deeper
than I even realized. And like, even with the even talking with or dating the person
from the past, like, as part of it, it's almost like, we've said it before, like, when is
the shoe gonna drop? Yeah, you know, we we dated for a really long time. And still after
that, so it's like that trust is coming in there, you know, all different types of things.
And so it's like, well, when do I become exclusive? And then I'm an anxious attacher. But
then I'm also avoidant as well. Like,
you got the two, right? Yep.
Really quick. And then I noticed that I talked really quick. And then I'm like, Okay, let
me pull back.
Might be what's surfacing right now. And you're recognizing like you anxiously attach now
you're wanting to avoid. So again, it's going back, like, what are we believing? Okay, what
counterfeit am I operating in right now? And what does God want to, you know, impart to
me? What does he want to show me? What does he want to heal me from in this in this
situation, this opportunity, because ladies, when y'all are getting into these dating
experiences, there is going to be so much opportunity for growth and healing. Like it's a
process, like you said, like, it's, it's this onion. Okay. God doesn't come in. And then
just literally, like when, when we invite the Holy Spirit to come in, and especially when
we're new believers, does God come in and just be like, Okay, now you've accepted me now
I'm gonna tell you everything that you're doing wrong. Oh, he doesn't do that. He's so
gentle with us. He's not going to just like start coming in and ransacking our house, and
like pulling everything out. He's not going to do that. All right, he's going to be gentle
with us because we because here's the thing that he's, God knows, we can't sustain that.
All right, he's going to be gentle with our spirit. And we have to be open to him coming
in. And he's going to start just working and cultivating that soil in our heart and start
working through, you know, all those areas because ladies, when you get in a marriage, it
doesn't just stop. It doesn't Okay, there's so much stuff that I am even still having to do
hard work on in my marriage.
in my blending my family. You know, I struggle with a lot of
control. I struggle with a lot of trusting the Lord, because I
don't want things in my time, mine, mine, mine. Right. And
there's stuff that still comes up. And so that's important that
again, like, just processing through that, like really
working on that stuff. Let's not get you know, again, it's just
what, what are you believing? And where can we replace the
line number believing with his truth? So again, sometimes it's
going back to that heartwork stuff, go back and revisit some
of those, some of those videos, some of those chapters, like
what is being highlighted to you? Okay. Does that help?
Yeah, it does. And like, and I will say to like, I've even I
will even be able to say that, regardless of what happens with
this relationship with this former, I feel like there's some
divineness in it. Because there was some healing from like
conversations that we've had, like, he and I didn't realize
that, like I said, in if you read anything from the comments
that I left, we were both a mess, you know. And so then
whenever we're coming back, now, we can speak to that mess a
little bit, you know, meaning like not excusing, but just like,
hey, this is something that I thought. And both of us having
times where like, that wasn't what was going on at all. Yeah,
you know, and so that's some way to get some healing there. And a
lot of people don't get that a lot of people don't have that
opportunity. They have to figure that out for themselves. But
yeah, absolutely. But be gentle with yourself. Okay. Okay. Again,
be gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace and mercy here.
Okay, like this is not stuff that's gonna happen overnight.
Okay. Now, can it happen supernaturally be accelerated
supernaturally? Absolutely. You know, but again, we have to be
gentle. Okay. For some of us that you know, it's it's, you
know, many decades of just, you know, stuff that we've gotten
ourselves into and lies that we believed and the counterfeit
that we've been operating in. So now we're stepping into a new
self. And so sometimes that, you know, we kind of drop in, you
know, like we drop, we kind of fall back into that. And so it's
just being gentle and giving ourselves grace in that area.
You just know, like, it doesn't have to happen overnight. Like
God wants to work in you through you, you know, highlight things
to you. And he's going to be gentle with you. And you can be
gentle with you. Okay.
That's good. Thank you.
Um, Bernie, is your battery up?
Good. Are we are we good? We're gonna we're gonna try it. You're
you're not muted, or you're muted. unmute.
I'm sorry, my
if you have to, if you have to, you can turn your video off.
Sometimes that helps. Okay, I can hear you. But if that will
help, there we go. Okay. But I can hear you.
Okay, thank you. I was just wondering,
like, my new friend, he's, he's really close with his family.
And also, a lot of his pictures that he posted are of his
daughters. And, and so I, just ahead of time, I wanted to ask,
like, how do you get around that? Because I know that he's
close with his family. And he probably wants to spend a lot of
time with them. And not that I wouldn't, I'm kind of way down
the line. But
and also their daughters, so daughters can be a little bit
more possessive as well with their dads. So
I laugh because I understand.
So this guy, so you're saying when, are you saying this is a
guy that you met? And you met him online?
Yes. And he's great.
So in his online profile, he had pictures of his children.
Yeah, and a lot of his posting.
Okay, majority of them.
Like posting on like, are you saying you guys are Facebook
friends?
Okay, so he's posting a lot of stuff about his family. Okay.
How old are his daughters?
They're in their 40s, 30s, late 30s and 40s.
Okay.
So he's, okay, he's posting about, okay, so it's not like
they're like children. Okay, that's okay. That, that makes
that puts me a little more at ease. I get really, I get a
little bit more at ease when I'm talking to my daughters.
Yeah, maybe it's my husband, maybe it's my daughter because
they get really protective when people post their young children.
maybe it's because of this challenge redesigning social
media.
So I'm like, you know, I'm like, whoa, wait a second.
How are they doing this year?
Crazy.
So you're saying that, like, is he like when he's wanting to spend time with you,
are you saying that he's wanting to like be around his family, too?
No, I have not been on a date with him yet.
I will be going on my first date on Saturday.
And so but he talks about his family a lot.
And then the majority of his pictures are with his family.
So. So, yeah, there's going to be some people.
I mean, there's people that do they have their family is really important to them.
And I don't think I don't think that is necessarily a negative thing.
Do you do you have a close relationship with your family?
What's that dynamic?
My family, my parents are dead.
I'm like an only child.
But I I have met sisters and brothers that I didn't know.
OK. Yeah. And I'm just getting to know them.
But yeah, I don't I don't have a whole lot of family.
OK, so is it I mean, I mean, and I'm going to ask you to be vulnerable here.
And I'm not you know, again, I'm just wondering is.
Is some of this uncomfortable with him being close to his family
because you haven't you don't have a close.
Relationship with your family currently and your your your parents are deceased,
and I'm so sorry about that.
Thank you. Yeah, I'm not for sure because.
I know, I don't know, it could be.
And I mean, again, and it's OK if you don't know.
That's fine. I'm just again, I'm just asking questions
just to kind of put some thoughts in and just, you know, again,
trying to get a feel for, you know, for this.
So, yeah, maybe maybe it is and it could be I don't I don't know.
But. I don't think it has to be a negative thing, I think, you know,
just again, you haven't met him on, you know, in person, you have a date set up,
you know, what do you think you're what is your concern with him
being like openly about him being close to his family?
That's why I like being with the family all the time
and and and not being with me.
But I can cut out a little bit
with this family all the time and then what you're putting them first before me.
OK, well, Bernice, I'm going to I'm going to say something in my not.
It if you haven't if you guys are not in like a committed relationship,
he's not going to put you before his family.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
This is still early on.
OK, so I let's let's make sure that we're not getting super concerned
about something when we again, you're still just learning
more about this person.
And it's probably not going to be healthy
if he's putting you above his family in this time.
OK, so don't project something because now if you guys hit it off
and you guys start, you know, dating at a level two
and you're getting to know each other more and that level two early stages
moves into later stages of level two.
And then you you know, we don't want to continue to keep projecting. OK.
So. Because currently right now, you're not in that place.
You don't know enough about him.
You haven't been on any dates with him yet.
So I don't want you getting overly concerned about something
that may or may not happen.
Let's not overthink it.
Let's go back to just enjoying the process.
Let's look at it is, OK, he.
His family is important to him, and that could be a really positive thing.
You know, if he has a great relationship with family.
Oh, what a gift.
What a gift.
And so as you get to know him, like you're learning that family
is important to him.
And so, you know, getting down on that level, maybe learning
a little bit more about what his life has been like with this family.
Why? You know, what does he enjoy about his family?
What? It's possible he could just have a really great relationship
with all of them, and that is a good thing.
We don't have to worry about how it's going to look in relationship quite yet
because you guys are not there yet.
All right. I would even be cautious.
I would say, you know, if he wants to start doing dates with you
where he's bringing you around family, I would maybe, you know.
Now again, come to us, let us know what's happening
because I would be cautious about getting involved
with people's family early, early on
in creating these bonds,
but I don't necessarily think it's a negative thing
if you guys are taking it off and getting along.
Okay, but again, I would be cautious of not projecting
certain things that we're not even there yet.
Does that make sense?
That's good.
And I like to analyze things before, so.
I do too.
It's gonna be important for you to continue
to stay connected with us in community and let us know,
like help process with us.
What are you experiencing?
What are you feeling?
What are you worried about?
What fears are coming up?
We wanna start like,
because these are valid fears.
They're valid.
Not saying that they're not,
but we wanna make sure that we're not like
overthinking things and then sabotaging ourselves
because of it.
That's good.
Thank you.
That makes sense?
Yeah.
Good.
Stephanie, I'm glad that was helpful for you too.
Pacing is super important, okay?
We don't wanna get ahead of ourselves.
Don't wanna project things.
It's stay in the moment.
Let's really get to know people, okay?
We don't have to worry so much
about what's gonna happen later down the road.
Look, I get it.
I have a daughter.
My daughter's 13 now.
When I met my husband, she was 11, okay?
And she also had lost,
like she's lost her biological mother,
you know, her mother's past.
And so, you know,
there's all sorts of things that come in,
but I will tell you,
the Lord knows all of that, okay?
He's not gonna put you in a situation
that he is not gonna equip you with.
And I need to preach that probably to myself
because there's times I don't feel equipped, okay?
Ladies, there are gonna be times in a relationship
you're not gonna feel equipped,
but that's just the enemy feeding you lies, okay?
God knows what he's doing.
We can trust that, okay?
Thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, ladies,
it's been such an honor and such a pleasure.
Make sure that you're doing your activations.
I know we've had a lot of people jump off.
I totally understand, totally fine.
But again, watch Supernatural Saturday.
Let's do those activations.
And if you can make Ebony's call tonight, definitely do.
And then I will see you all next week, okay?
Continue to stay connected in our community, all right?
Have a great rest of your day, ladies.
Thank you, Karla.
Bye-bye.
Bye.