Thank you so much for joining us.
If you don't have your camera on yet and you're able to, we'd love to see you tonight.
If you're driving or eating or something, don't feel like you have to turn on now.
But at some point, it would be great to see you all.
As a reminder, we're coming out of hiding.
And in phase one, we're practicing being seen, heard, known, and loved.
My name is Bethany Cooper.
I'm one of the HeartWork coaches here in the community.
And I'm so glad to be here with you tonight.
God has some wonderful plans for us in store.
Just a couple housekeeping things tonight.
Not too many.
If you all didn't hear Supernatural Saturday on Saturday, this past Saturday,
we talked about Jackie went over why are we offended and really leaning into offense
and how to unpack offenses and why we do not want to let offense stay in our hearts and our lives.
And so if you haven't listened to that yet, I highly recommend that you check that out
and just hear all the things that God is trying to say to you personally through it.
And then we also did Prophetic Ministry Night.
Actually, I want to see if that's up in the group yet.
That is something that we do every night.
Yes, it is up under Replays, Prophetic Ministry Night.
We do that once a month, typically the last Sunday night of every month.
And it's just a time for our prayer team and prophetic ministers to come
and minister to the community as a whole.
It's really a night, hopefully, of encouragement and building you up
and helping you hear what we believe.
We're doing our best to lean into what is the Lord saying
and releasing that over everyone in the community.
And then the last thing I wanted to share tonight is if you didn't know,
I do have additional people that are helping me on the coaching team here in Phase 1.
So from time to time, you're going to see myself responding to you,
Annette Lewis, who is another success story in our community.
You're going to see Jennifer Yankovich.
You're going to see I have a couple new ladies that are coming on.
They're in training, Andrea Jeselnik and Mariam Dunham.
So if you see them responding to you and coaching you,
that is their role in this community in Phase 1.
And so just want you all to know that they are a part of our team.
For those of you that are a little bit newer, when you're here,
even if some of you are coaches and counselors, leaders,
we encourage you to take your helper hats off.
You don't have to help anybody.
You get to support each other, cheer each other on.
You can, you know, respond on people's posts,
just like letting them know you see what they've posted
and you're so blessed by what they shared, things like that.
We definitely want you all as sisters connecting,
but don't feel like you need a coach or any of those things
because we'll take care of that.
Y'all have been doing a great job at that,
but I always like to just every couple of weeks say that reminder
and also let you know who the team is.
So let me pray for us tonight.
We have, let's see, 34 amazing ladies on with us so far.
And we're going to just pray and believe that God gives us exactly
what we need tonight.
Father, thank you so much for your truth.
Thank you for your life.
Thank you that you sent Jesus to die on the cross,
to shed his blood for the forgiveness of our sins, for our healing,
for our redemption,
but also to make a way with us to be one with him as he is one with
you and one with the Holy spirit.
We thank you that you sent the Holy spirit to be our comforter,
our counselor, our guide, our ever present help in time of trouble,
as well as just to be with us in every moment.
We ask you to bring anything in darkness to the light tonight,
that there would be revealings for healing happening as we're in this
session, that the Holy spirit,
that you would come and just move in and out of conversations,
the teaching, the breakout rooms,
that you would just make your presence known in our hearts and our homes
all throughout the zoom room.
And we just thank you God for just the reminder that we can call on you
at any time, God, and you're near to us.
We thank you for your comfort and for your care in Jesus name.
Amen.
So we're going to talk tonight about the revealing for healing cycle in
regards to y'all have heard Jackie talk about it.
If you're in that week or beyond it, if you are just starting welcome.
I almost forgot who's new tonight. If you're new,
If you're new, you've never joined us for a live session before,
and this is your first one.
Go ahead and put that in the chat for me so we can welcome you.
We would love to kind of acknowledge you and just say hi and make sure
that you feel welcome here tonight for your first session. Other ladies,
welcome back. It's so great to have you back.
Alexandra's new tonight. Welcome Alexandra.
Let's see if I can see you.
Where are you?
I can't see on my screen right now. I don't know why.
Welcome.
It's amazing. Joanne's new.
Wadsy's new welcome ladies. So glad to have you.
It's awesome.
God's growing our community.
He's growing our group.
Look around the Zoom room, y'all.
These are your sister squad sisters.
What do we mean by that?
These are the ladies that are walking
on this journey with you,
that are shoulder to shoulder with you
on this journey in life.
Hannah's new, Jordan's new.
Welcome, ladies.
So glad to have you.
These are some of the ladies that,
if you choose to get to know people beyond
even just our live sessions,
here's what's gonna happen.
You might just have some great friends
that come out of this time.
A lot of y'all came in because of the love story.
Some of you came in just for the healing.
Whatever you came in for,
God has a plan for you while you're here.
He wants to give you abundantly above
all that you could ever ask, think, or imagine.
He wants to exceed your expectations.
And I believe that he wants some of you
who have really struggled with
being hurt by friends to really find healthy friendship
while you're here.
And so I just wanna speak that over you.
And was it Delaina, is that what you said your name was?
Where it says unlicensed room?
So that's Delaina, everybody, just so you know.
If anyone doesn't know how to, not that you have to,
but if you don't know how to change your name on the Zoom,
when you log in, there should be,
like if you hover over your name,
there's three little dots.
And if you click on that,
there's a little item that just says rename.
And when you click on that,
you can type in any name that you want.
So I would highly recommend you don't have to do it tonight,
but when y'all log in, at least put your first name,
just so we know who you are
and so that the other ladies will know
when you go into breakout sessions.
But yeah, so glad that you're here.
We're gonna talk first about revealing for healing cycle
from the aspect of helping you actually know
how to use the tool that we're giving you during heartwork.
That's called the revealing for healing cycle.
On that note, I wanna encourage you all,
everything that you are learning here in the heartwork
can serve you the rest of your life.
I really want you to understand
the forgiveness prayer sheet is something that you can use
well beyond your time here in phase one, if you will.
Some of y'all are gonna need to pull that out
in phase two, phase three and beyond.
And the same thing with the revealing for healing cycle,
some of you all, these are just layers that are starting.
And as you continue to get into community,
you're facing other situations,
God's gonna keep revealing things for healing as you go.
So just want you all to think of them as tools
for your toolbox that you're gonna get back out at times
if you need them, okay?
So on that note, we're gonna talk about all of these areas
and things that we face in our lives
and how to unpack them and come to a place
of not just knowing what the lie is
that's connected to the trauma,
but knowing what is the truth.
What's the truth to replace the lie
so that we can actually go all the way through
to the other side of victory
and walking into the promised land, if you will.
We cannot replace events that we've been through, ladies.
We can't go back and change the past.
We can't go back and change even things that we've done
that are mistakes that we've made.
But what we can do is we can replace the lies
that we believe as a result of them.
So I want you to even just be thinking right now
about the trauma and the things that you've been through,
as well as mistakes that you've made
that are still bothering you today.
Maybe you didn't think about it a lot today,
but what I mean by today is the present time.
What are the areas where you still feel stuck
and you haven't been able to move forward?
God wants to come in and replace every lie you believe
that's connected to those things,
and he wants to give you the tools to do it.
So I'm gonna share my screen with you,
and I'm gonna show you the Revealing for Healing cycle.
For those of you that are not in week three yet,
it's okay, you'll get there,
but you're gonna understand a little bit more
when you get there how to utilize this tool
that we call the Revealing for Healing cycle.
So this is what it looks like.
I wanna let you know that I'm gonna start
with the pink circle tonight, but if you all,
let's say you are trying to work
on the Revealing for Healing cycle in your own life,
some of you all might know your trauma story
before you can actually identify your negative emotions
or the painful memory or the lies that you believe
because of it.
If you know the lies that you believe,
but you maybe don't know the emotions,
like sometimes we can work backwards.
That's why I wanna kind of point that out.
We're gonna do our best to identify the emotions first,
but if we can't, we can absolutely start
in a different circle and work backwards.
Now, obviously we don't probably want you to start
with the truth because we gotta know what the lie is
to replace that with the truth.
But I'm just talking about the negative emotions
and the trauma stories and lies.
Like sometimes you might have to start
in a different way.
part of the cycle to go back and identify the other things. So
what I'm going to do tonight is I'm going to give you an example
of something that I used to deal with. This is not something that
I struggle with anymore, praise God. But this is a real life
example from my life. And I'm going to use it in regards to
the revealing for healing cycle just in hopes that it will help
you start to identify things in your own life. So my negative
emotion, we're going to start with the pink circle. The
negative emotion I used to struggle with a lot was fear,
fear all the time, fear of the dark, but also fear of men
specifically, fear of men, when I would get around men, I would
get super nervous, I'd be uncomfortable, I wouldn't know
how to talk to him, I would feel intimidated, I would feel like
rebellious, all kinds of stuff, especially men, you know, that
were in some level of authority or romantic connection there.
Okay. So that was the negative emotions, fear, fear, fear, fear
all over the place. Okay. Painful memory, I like to kind
of describe this and Jackie might put it differently, but
this just really helped me a lot in unpacking all this. The
painful memory for me is kind of like the umbrella, the
overarching kind of theme, if you will, the painful memory for
me was abused by men. Okay, I encountered abuse by men in a
lot of different ways. And I'm going to explain that in a
minute, because that goes into my trauma stories. But the
overarching thing, painful memory is abuse with men, abuse
with men, do you understand everyone tracking with me? All
right, awesome. So then then I look at the trauma stories,
these are these are general, they can be general, but
oftentimes, they're going to be more specific. Okay. So to me,
the trauma stories are what are underneath of that painful
memory, kind of holding it up, if you will. And here are some
of mine. I encountered sexual abuse as a little girl with my
brothers and my sister, emotional, mental, spiritual,
really every form of abuse with my ex, husband, my, my husband,
in our marriage. I also had two additional trauma stories in
in y'all, there's more, but these were the ones I just felt
led to share tonight. And I had one when I was little, I don't
even remember, like, my mom took us to this party, I don't think
we knew these people very well. And the kids were all sent
upstairs to play. There were no adults upstairs. And there were
boys and girls playing up there. For whatever reason, this one
boy, I don't even know his name, I don't really remember a lot
about this other than the things I'm telling you tonight. He
tried to lock me in the bedroom by myself with him. And he put
a dresser in front of the bedroom door trying to keep the
other kids out. Thankfully, my sister literally pushed so hard
on the door that it pushed the dresser out of the way. After
that, I have no clue what happened. I don't know if we
left immediately. I don't know if I told my mom or anything.
But I just remembered that that happened way back in the day.
And even now it kind of feels surreal feels like I know that
it happened. But it feels kind of like a dream like did this
because I don't remember everything. So sometimes ladies,
that's how it's gonna feel. That's how it's gonna appear.
Like you have a memory, a slight memory of something. And you're
just kind of like, did this? Did this really happen? Or am I
making this up? Anyone ever had those kind of thoughts about
memories? I've had a couple like that. So I want you to know
sometimes it is going to feel like that. Also, then in high
school, I had a friend that at the time I thought she was a
good friend looking back now she really wasn't. But she thought
it was so funny. She shoved me in the bathroom and put this
ball down my shirt and then went and had a boy come in and had
this whole plan. They were playing this game. Well, guess
who didn't get included in the game? Me. But the game was me
central. And the whole game was the boy was supposed to go down
my shirt and get the ball. Well, I panicked. I freaked out. You
know, I had all this backstory that I'd never told anyone. And
I just was trying to get out of that bathroom. And it was a
whole scene. All these other kids knew that I was kind of
freaking out. That was another trauma story for me. While that
boy may not have intended to traumatize me that night. I
don't even know that he knew really what was going on. I just
was very traumatized by what was going on because it's synced
right along with the other things that had happened in my
life. Okay, now I'm going to move on to the lies believed as
a result, the lies that were believed that were revealed by
the Lord. And there's more but these are the two that I'm going
to share tonight. All men are abusive. Y'all I had boys. I
had teenage boys, like little boys, teenage
boys, adult men, you know, my brothers, all these different
phases of men and men in authority as well. My dad left,
you know, all the like, they cannot be trusted, and they are
abusive. That's what the enemy told me. Okay. Another one is I
need to be afraid of men. Not only do I need to be afraid, but
I need to be afraid all the time. I used to be afraid that
people were looking in the windows at my house. And I would
run from one side of the house to the other, because there was
all this fear based around men and being afraid to be by
myself. Now, we're going all the way through to truth, ladies.
So here is the truth that God gave me. I'm going to share the
declaration that I formed with you first. And then I'm going
to give you the scripture that God gave me to support those
declarations that I put together. Truth number one, you
don't have to fear or be afraid. Isaiah 4110 says, so do
not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your
God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with
my righteous right hand. Isaiah 4113, for I am the Lord, your
God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not
fear. I will help you. Here's truth number two. This is my
declaration. I can trust God to protect me. And you know, a lot
of times I'll go in and personalize this. Like I,
Bethany Cooper can trust God to protect me at all times. You
know, I'll personalize it, but I'm just giving you another,
you know, again, an example to go off of for yourself. Psalm
121, verse seven through eight is the scripture that I stand
on. The Lord will keep you from all harm. He will watch over
your life. The Lord will watch over your coming and going both
now and forever more. A lot of times, ladies, I'm going to
stop screen share in this healing process. I will have a
lot of people kind of ask, okay, but if God is always protecting
us, then how do we go through abuse? How, why does he let bad
things happen? Here's the reality. Every person is given
free will because he loves us. Therefore he does not force his
will on us. He actually puts in us the ability to choose well.
It's whether or not we will take that ability and choose
well. Will we choose evil or will we choose good? What are
we going to do with what God has given us? And so unfortunately
there are people that choose evil, that choose to do things
that aren't healthy. Sometimes they do that because that has
been done to them and they perpetuate what has been done to
them. Is that excusing their behavior? No, absolutely not.
Does that break God's heart? 100% when people abuse people
and hurt other people, God does not want that. God doesn't want
destruction. He doesn't create death. He doesn't create abuse.
That's the hand of the enemy at work, but God will absolutely
use whatever we give him and he'll work it all together for
good. Y'all, I can't tell you how many times I've told my
testimony over the years now, and I know that God is using it
to help other people. And I think of Joseph in the Bible
often. He was doing good. And at times the enemy continued to
pursue him to try to destroy his life. But God, but God
continued to enable him to rise every time, no matter what
circumstance he was in, he rose, he rose every time. What was he
doing in the prison? You all, he was speaking truth in the
prison and he got put in charge. I believe that can
happen no matter where we are in that in due season, we will
rise and we will be the one that will reflect the glory of
the Lord to other people. I'm going to get you ready to put
you in breakout session. For those of you that are new, our
breakout sessions, excuse me, I'm going to put you in a
digital breakout room. Please don't leave at this point
unless you really can't do the breakouts. Sometimes that
happens. People get super nervous and they're like, I'm
out of here. Please don't do that. Stay here with us. We're
going to talk sister to sister about the question that I give
you. And some of you might be freaking out, might be
uncomfortable, but let's just all be uncomfortable together.
We're all meeting new people all the time. And if you will
allow God to use this time of sharing, I believe a lot of you
are going to get breakthrough, even in the breakout rooms, as
you're talking with other sisters, you're going to get
revelation, all kinds of stuff. As a general reminder, you do
not have to advise each other or counsel each other in
breakouts. Even if someone cries you all, it's okay. Just
say thank you so much for sharing your life and your
story with us. And then the next person can go. Okay. So
when you get in there tonight, oh, Jodi, if your microphone
doesn't work, you can go in the breakout room and still type in
the chat if you want. I don't want you to feel like you do.
just can't go into breakout rooms,
but I'll let you decide that.
While the ladies go in breakouts, I pray over you all.
So I'll be here in the main room just praying as well.
But here's the question for you tonight.
This is breakout question number one.
What is a negative emotion or memory
that God brought up in your spirit tonight?
What is he revealing to you for healing?
What is a negative emotion or memory
that God brought up to you tonight as I was sharing?
And if you don't have one yet, it's okay.
You can say, you know what?
I don't have one yet, but I'm gonna be praying,
you know, throughout the remainder of the session tonight.
What does God wanna reveal in me?
It's okay to just say that.
Don't say that because you're nervous to share though.
Okay, only say that if you really don't have something.
And yeah, Stephanie, if you're at work, that's totally fine.
So you just, when the pop-up comes to go into the Zoom room,
just don't accept it.
And ladies, when you get into the Zoom room,
if you're there by yourself, I'll move you around, okay?
If I see that someone else hasn't joined with you,
so just stay there
and I'll move everybody around if needed.
Let me go ahead and get these set up.
I'm gonna give you, let's see, two, four, six, eight.
I think I'm gonna give you seven minutes
because I only wanna put like two to three max people.
And ladies, keep it short, brief and powerful.
I heard, not that it's your all's thing.
One of the ladies that was in our session this afternoon
said she didn't get to share in either breakout.
So that might be because other people were talking a lot.
So just be mindful of those kinds of things.
All right.
All right, there you go.
Go ahead and click to share or click to join, excuse me.
Go ahead and click to join that.
Those here that are working and can't go into breakouts,
I'm gonna start praying
as soon as I get everyone situated here.
I just need to make sure everybody has at least two people
in a Zoom room.
All right.
Yeah, I think I got everyone situated here.
Father, thank you so much for your goodness.
God, thank you for your grace.
Lord, we just thank you.
I just, in the spirit,
it just felt like this just kind of gentle,
like kind of wash over of the spirit.
So Lord, we're gonna speak that over everybody tonight
in the Zoom rooms, those that are just sharing,
revealing for healing areas, memories,
emotions that came up.
Lord, I thank you that you would help them
to hear what your spirit is saying,
even as they're sharing in these groups,
that you would help them to have courage,
vulnerability, that they would experience
your tangible presence, even as they're sharing.
Lord, we thank you that you would just come in
and just undergird them, lift them up, Lord,
where they feel weak, tired, uncertain at times.
Lord, I thank you that you would help them
to hear what your spirit is saying.
Hi, Sylvia.
We just started breakout rooms
talking about negative emotions or memories
that God is bringing up in your spirit
for revealing for healing.
So I'll go ahead and put you in a breakout room
and join the ladies in the conversation.
Sorry, ladies, I'm super congested again.
Every time I start coaching, this happens.
So pray for me, pray for me, no congestion.
Father, thank you so much for just also reminding us, God,
that you make every crooked path straight,
God, that where the enemy has tried to kill, steal,
and destroy, that you sent Jesus Christ to give us life
and give it to us more abundantly,
and that he also came just to literally clear
the path for us.
We thank you for victory of the cross.
We thank you that you would help our physical realm
get aligned with the spiritual realm,
and that you would help us to have heavenly understanding
and mindsets renewed every day,
help us to step further into the fullness of the plans
and promises that you originally had for us
when you created us.
I thank you, Lord, God, that you would remove every weight
that so easily ensnares us, that we would press on.
or the high calling of God for our lives, that we would choose to actively participate, God,
in the unfolding of your plan in our lives, that we would surrender to you, Lord,
that we would trust that you are working everything together for good
in our lives to save many people alive, that it's not just about our story, but God, it's about the
stories of all the people that are going to be impacted and have ripple effects of healing,
grace for your glory, and for your renewal. We thank you, Lord, that you are just restoring all
of the areas of our foundation where there's been cracks and crevices, where the enemies
tried to get in to disrupt in all different kinds of ways. We thank you for bringing truth in life
and healing for us. Eloise, did you get kicked out? Oh, you're muted. You're muted, sweetie.
There you go. There I am. So I stepped away to get some hot tea because I was freezing
and I came back and it kicked me out or something. I don't know. That's okay. Do you want to go into
a Zoom room? They only have two minutes left. Oh, well, why don't we just talk? Well, I'm going to
keep praying, but I just wanted to check on you because I saw that you were in a room, but then
you came here. So I didn't know if you got kicked out, but we're going to do another breakout. So
you'll be able to go into that in a little bit as well. Okay. All right. Father, thank you so much
for just continuing to, yes, Lord, remind us, Lord, of all of the ways that you know us by name,
that you will know every itty bitty detail and you care about all of it. We thank you,
God, that you're continuing to weave a tapestry and create a masterpiece out of the mess of our
lives where that nothing is too hard for you and we're never too messed up or never too far gone.
God, you're the one that's so great at rescuing us. And even last night, ladies, one of the words
that God showed me was that I saw the Lord in the vision that I had and I knew it was the Lord and
he was glorious. He was shining bright and he opened his arms up, but they were wings. They
were these big wings and God was saying that it was okay for us to come in and rest, that we would
be safe there. And it reminded me of Psalm 91 verse four, which I'm going to look it up just
so I don't mess it up, but it talks a lot about, you know, here we go. That worked out really well.
I turned right close to it. He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find
refuge. His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. So, Lord, we just thank you that you
are a safe place for us, that we can come into your presence, we can rest there,
that you open your arms up to us and create a safe place for us to land and rest and be renewed.
We thank you, God, for refining fire. God, that fire doesn't always feel great, but praise God,
it removes the chaff from our lives. It leads us back into life and healing and redemption.
Lord, we thank you that you remove all of the, this is coming up in my spirit a second time
as I'm praying, all the crooked places and you make them straight. So, Lord, we thank you
that you would just, yeah, Lord, remove any and all doubt, fear, unbelief, any kind of panic.
Lord, help us to embrace your truth. Help us to embrace your presence, God, that we would
commit to staying on the pathway that leads to you. So, Lord, take our feet off of any pathway
of pain that doesn't follow after you in any way. Help us to recognize the ways that we are making
decisions through counterfeit identities that do not partner with your truth, that don't partner
with heaven. Help us to like, yeah, Lord, remove any blinders, any mask, anything that's on our
eyes that causes us to see the world and people around us differently than you created them to
be. God, we thank you for a divine awakening in all of our hearts, minds, and spirits, that we
would awaken to you, to your love, to the beauty of the world around us, to your love, to the
beauty of the world around us, that we would no longer look at the world and view it through
negative lenses. Even when we experience negative situations, God, that we can be the positivity
there because your light, your power, the same power that rose Jesus from the dead is living in
us. It's operating through us. Therefore, we can walk in empowerment and healing and wholeness and
hope every single day in Jesus' name. Welcome back, ladies. I think we have everyone back now.
Oh, Jodi, you got kicked out too. I'm so sorry. Okay.
I'm so glad everyone is back.
Who is willing to share with the whole group
what you shared in your private breakout group?
I actually, go ahead, go ahead, Nicole.
No, I actually, I actually feel encouraged to share
because I wanna say even thank you
for sharing your own story
because it actually just like,
it just like, it resonated within me
and it made me like come to terms
with like my own abuse in my life.
Like I just come from like a culture
where like it's very common to like, you know,
hit for discipline and also like just verbal abuse
that creates emotional abuse, right?
So I never really knew why I was so afraid of men,
especially men in authority.
So when you said fear of men and men in authority
and in romantic relationships, I was like, what?
I was like, that sounds like exactly what I'm going through.
But so yeah, to be able to have had that confirmed
and like not even be like,
I wasn't as scared as like I thought I would have been.
I felt good.
I was like, oh, thank you, Lord.
Like, I'm ready to put that behind me.
So thank you.
You're welcome.
That's so good, Nicole.
I'm so glad that God connected those dots for you tonight.
And you know, this is such a good reminder
that, you know, when God's truth comes,
it doesn't have to come with pain, you all.
Sometimes I think we feel pain
just because we know that we have to shift
out of where we are,
but his love is good and his grace and kindness
and mercies are new every day to us.
And he wants us to step into freedom.
And so praise God that you were here tonight
and you heard that, you know, story that I shared
and we'll be praying for you as you continue
to really move beyond those things
and that God would start to show you
how fun men are
and that there's a lot of really healthy, safe men.
Yes, I speak that over you, you know?
Amen, amen, in Jesus' name.
Yes, we can encounter men in a whole different way,
ladies, than we have in the past.
I believe that 100%.
I've experienced it.
My husband's like one of the funniest, don't tell him,
but he's one of the funniest people that I know,
literally makes me laugh almost every day.
Some days his dad jokes aren't as good as others,
but shh, don't tell him.
No, for real, we joke about it all the time.
But it's a whole different experience now.
And even before God brought him into my life
to encourage some of you,
I did start praying things like what I just said to Nicole.
God, I pray that you would bring godly brothers in Christ
into my life to show me good men,
that you would bring godly men in leadership, whatever.
You know, I just wanted to continue to see good men.
And my grandfather was a good man when I was growing up,
but like he had been gone for so long
and, you know, it was different.
He was my grandpa, you know?
And so I wanted to see other men that were good examples
so we can pray for those things.
And I believe God will answer our prayers.
Ruth, go ahead.
I shared in my breakout room.
Sorry, I'm a little nervous.
Also, this is my first time in a group setting,
but I felt like to share.
This was January of last year.
And this is just before my husband
and I were getting ready to separate.
And the painful memory or the trauma story was he asked me,
and we'd been married for seven years at that point,
almost eight.
He asked me to name one good thing
that I brought to the marriage or throughout the marriage.
Like, what was my value?
Like, what value do you even have?
Or what worth?
Like, basically, what worth did I have
and what I had contributed?
I was about to move to a different state for a job.
And he told me that I was going to fail
and that he was gonna divorce me
because he knew I would fail
and that I would come back to him.
And when I did, he was not gonna accept me.
And so that was the story was saying,
like, you know, what's your value?
Like, what worth do you even have as a human being?
And what did I, what I had contributed
to the marriage over like seven years?
And so that was what kind of came to my mind
was, and the hard part was,
because I had moved from Texas to,
I mean, Idaho for the job I'm working at.
And so still having family back there
and still, so contacts there.
And so while we're, you know, separated
and, you know, seeing like pictures of him
or with this woman or with that person.
And then over the summer,
God telling me to pray for him,
that was tough.
But it's been, I think it was,
it might've been Jackie that said it on Saturday
during the Supernaturals.
I watched the replay yesterday,
but what she said that forgiveness happens
in stages or in phases.
So it's kind of, it's been a journey
that God's taking me on and just, you know,
I'll think I've forgiven him.
And then it's like, something will come up
and it's like, okay, God,
I guess I have to do this again.
Yeah, I guess I have to go.
God, aren't we done with this already?
Like, I've already forgiven him.
Like, I just want to move on.
And then something will come up, and I'll be like,
okay, wow, there's still a little part of me
that is still holding on.
And so that was kind of like the story.
And just telling God's truth, you know,
the scripture you said was one of the ones
that has spoken to me in Isaiah 41, 10, and 13.
But just realizing that God's always with me
and he's never gonna let me go.
And he sees worth in value in me
even if my ex doesn't see it.
Yes, Ruth, you did great.
Great job on sharing your first time.
Ladies, see, I know everyone can feel nervous,
but once you do it, it can really,
it can release so much on the inside, truly.
I wanna, oh, I don't wanna lose you though.
Okay, I see you.
You moved when you lowered your hand there,
but that's all right.
So a couple things, just so that I know.
So are you all still separated?
And, or are you all divorced now?
Or where are you all at?
The divorce was finalized in October.
He filed, and so that was finalized in October.
So, yeah.
All right.
Actually, my birthday was like my birthday.
That's when the divorce was finalized.
So I was like, oh my God,
I guess this is a birthday present of sorts.
But yeah.
Well, we're definitely gonna be praying for you.
And yes, you know, keep in mind, ladies,
what she's sharing is a really great example.
Sometimes we are healing and processing
what is in front of us right then.
And we do the best that we can
to forgive all of the things and all that.
But as we continue to go, or like she's saying,
then she starts seeing photos in him.
Then there's another layer of healing
and processing and forgiving.
And then when the next thing,
it's because God knows what we can handle.
And he loves us, and he does wanna draw us
into that healing place.
But sometimes until something
is kind of that pressure applied,
we might not see those additional areas,
if you know what I'm saying.
So continue to just be open, ladies,
as you're processing,
even if you've processed something before about somebody.
Like even those stories I told you tonight,
if I felt like any kind of emotion on those,
I might start looking, okay,
is there something else you're trying to show me
regarding that, Lord?
Not that we have to go all the way back through,
but Lord, what's the part you want me to see
that maybe I haven't seen before?
So that we would continue to get more freedom, more freedom.
I do also wanna say,
cause I don't wanna pass over,
on the questions that he asked you.
In that moment of trauma,
I mean, it was already pretty big that he's saying,
okay, if you go and do this, I'm gonna divorce you.
I think you're gonna fail.
But he's basically saying,
even though he's asking you a question,
he's trying to basically passively tell you
that he doesn't think you have value and worth.
So I'm just wondering as you've processed that,
is that something that now you've struggled with over time
as far as what is my value?
What is my worth?
I just wanna know where you're at with that as well.
Yeah, I mean, so the thing is,
I was already dealing with low self-esteem
before that happened.
So that just kind of made it,
it felt like 10 times or a hundred times worse.
But I wanted to read a scripture.
And this was one of the,
my dad shared this with me going through the process.
I thank God for the wonderful parents they gave me
cause they've been my rock throughout this.
Both of them, my parents are born again believers.
And my dad shared this verses with me.
Is it okay if I read it?
It's in Psalm 73.
Absolutely.
So it's Psalm 73 verses 23 to 28.
And it says,
yet I am always with you, Lord.
I'm David talking to God.
Yet I'm always with you.
You hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you
and earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish.
You destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I admit the sovereign Lord my refuge
and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.
And so that was just a very,
when I would read that is just realizing that,
wow, God has a great plans for me.
I may not know all the details yet
and some days it's harder to believe it.
You know, it's like,
but just knowing that God has never lied once.
He's never failed me.
I know he's not gonna start now.
That's right.
Ladies, we borrow from the successes of our past.
The reminder of God's done it before he'll.
Do it again. And if for some of you, you feel like you're not sure if God helped you through before.
Well, I believe he has, or you wouldn't be here. Okay. So let's ask the Lord to show us
the victories he's given you along the way and help you start standing on those a little bit
more. Um, love those scriptures. I'm so glad that you shared it. Ladies. The reason I asked her that
is, uh, this afternoon one, when I was coaching, uh, one of the common themes was value and worth
women that are struggling in those areas, you know, and so many of us do struggle regarding
our value and worth. And when we don't know what our value is in the Lord, like, who are we like,
what do we love? Like what brings us to life when we do it, when we don't know any of that stuff
about ourselves, we don't know what our hobbies are. Guess what? We get into relationships
and tend to get absorbed in the men and lose ourselves. Or some people have kids and lose
themselves. It's super important for us to continue to really always go back to the Lord.
Who am I in you? Who am I? Cause we do change over time, but like, who am I in Christ? Like,
what do I stand for? What do I believe? I remember during my, we used to call it bootcamp.
One of the things I felt led to do was write out my value statements. What did I value?
I valued not having sex before marriage. And I wrote that out on a piece of paper because I
didn't want to forget that that was my value. No matter what the guys said or did, I wasn't going
to settle. I was not going to settle. And I wrote that commitment to myself and I wrote my values
out like commitments to myself. And I hung them up somewhere. I put them inside of a cabinet that I
opened every day. It was a food cabinet. And I literally, every day I would read those over
myself to remind myself what my values were like, who am I now? That's my values and what I believe.
But then also the values of what I believe I'm made up of. Like, what do I bring to the table?
I believe that people can feel alive when I come into the room. I do. I think I ignite people. I
think I'm called by the Lord to be a change agent in this world. But those are things I had to learn
and embrace and not be afraid of. So I want to encourage you all to start to really lean into
some of that for yourselves as well. Okay. All right, Denise, go ahead.
Yeah. So what I shared was, I didn't know if it fit in this category because it's like an
irritation, but I know it's deeper than an irritation between me and my sister. She's got
like this know-it-all attitude. And even when you're telling a story about like something,
she always has an opinion. It's like, I would just like to tell you what's going on in my life
without your two cents. I don't carry your two cents. And sometimes it's just, I know it's more
than just that's my crazy sister. She's always got an opinion because it irritates me so bad.
So what do I do with that? Okay. So I'm so glad you asked. So you're going to use the revealing
for healing cycle because guess what? Irritation is a feeling. It is. It's an emotion. We feel
irritated. We feel angry with people. Why? What's underneath the surface? Remember that anger hurts
bodyguards. So irritation, even though it's not anger, it partners with that, right? So when you
were talking about your sister, the first thought I had is when's the first time, you know, I don't
know if your sister got attention. She was know-it-all. When did this start, this pattern
with you all where you started even labeling her as a know-it-all? It's just, we're so different.
So like I was telling the girls in the group that we grew up together and we moved around a lot.
So we were, we're very close. Cause we had to be best friends. You're the only person, you know,
in the new city. Right. But we're the only thing that we have in common is we both like chocolate.
Like that's it. We are so polar opposites that I don't know if it's just her personality.
Well, I I'm going to say there's probably something that happened along the way
where your feelings got hurt.
It could be just that you're different, but I typically, from all of the work and you don't
have, ladies, this is kind of the key. This is, you don't always have to know right now. So when
I ask questions, it's totally okay. If nothing comes to you, even right now, it's just something
for you to just really start talking to the Lord about because typically someone's not going to get
under our skin like that. If there's not hurt underneath the surface. Okay. I can't think of
anything. Right. It might even just be, you know, let me put it this way too. It might not be that
your sister did something to hurt you. It could just be that you feel less than her.
Oh, that's not it at all.
I'm saying as a kid, you know, Denise,
you're answering in your right now knowledge,
but you have to go back to when you were a kid,
Lord, was there any time where my feelings got hurt
because my sister had knowledge or something?
Did parents kind of rival you all against each other
where you're just really discovering
and looking at what's leading to this irritation?
And so maybe none of those things are gonna be the case,
but remember, again,
you're not answering from your knowledge right now.
Okay.
Lord, show me back, you know,
is there anything in my backstory that I'm not remembering
that would cause me to feel this way
towards my sister often?
Because it sounds like this is something
that happens on the regular, right?
Yeah, yeah, more than I would like it to,
let's just say that.
Yeah, so just, and ladies, this, you know,
just so you know, Denise, you're doing awesome,
because not, we are, we're like, no, no, I don't,
like, I do it too.
No, I feel fine.
Like, I'm good with that person.
And Lord's like, no, there's something here.
You just have to really pray and we wait.
And sometimes we'll get an answer like that.
And other times it'll be months later.
So just be okay in the process of discovery.
And that's what I love to call it,
is a process of discovery.
We're rediscovering ourselves
and we're also discovering, you know,
what did hurt us along the way?
What did cause us to be in the place that we're in?
And, you know, yeah, I mean,
I guess we could chalk it up to certain people
and their personalities just rub us the wrong way.
I have that happen too.
There are certain people, 100%,
that when I'm around them, I'm like,
man, it's like sandpaper.
But if I'm really honest with myself,
there's something about their personality
that reminds me of someone else
that hurt me along the way.
Okay.
So that's why I'm saying like, it could be your sister.
It could have nothing to do with her.
It could be just something that's inside of you
that's not healed,
that every time that she's doing it,
it's just reminding you of that.
And so that's where we go in with that discovery,
like, Lord, show me,
like, because there's something here that I can't see.
Okay, awesome.
Yeah, so great.
That was a great question.
And even great interaction, just so you know,
ladies, I'm always good with,
even if someone's like, no, that's that,
like, because this is how we get
to where we're at right now, right?
And so I appreciate your teachability
and just being open to letting me
kind of back and forth with you.
It's really, really helpful.
So ladies, don't get nervous if that happens, okay?
Because everyone, this is awesome and this is helpful.
And I hope that it's helping all of you.
It helped me as even as she's talking about it, honestly,
because I am encountering someone at our church
with a similar personality.
And so even as I'm coaching you, I'm getting revelation.
And so that's pretty cool.
God is good.
Denise, thank you for sharing.
Jennifer, would you like to share?
Yeah.
Hi.
So the negative emotion
that I have been struggling with lately,
and I feel like that's what God just highlighted to me
is the feeling of not being enough.
And it manifests in just over-performing,
especially in relationships.
In my marriage, I did that.
Currently in different relationships, I do that.
And I feel like that's what God brought to me.
And I know that I am enough in Christ.
Rationally, I know that,
but I definitely acting out of this negative emotion.
This is so good.
So I wanna help you unpack this a little bit.
So not being enough is a lie.
So if you're looking at the cycle,
even though you're saying you feel like you're not enough,
really, anytime we believe we're not enough,
that's a lie that we're believing.
So I wanna help you kind of identify
what your feeling is when that lie rises up in you
that you're not enough,
what is it that you feel in your flesh, if you will?
Do you feel angry?
Do you feel nervous?
Do you feel scared?
Yeah, I think I feel fear.
It's like the fear of not being enough.
Yeah, so insecurity, fear,
really lack of self-worth.
Yeah, okay.
So the reason I wanted to help you
kind of separate those two is because your lie,
your lie is what was kind of coming to the surface,
but we had to start identifying
what you actually feel as an emotion
that's connected to that.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, it makes sense, yeah.
It's definitely fear, fear and insecurity.
Okay, so when you say it manifests
when you feel like you have to overperform
in a relationship,
when is the first time you remember having to over,
and this is where you're like, okay, Lord, what is it?
You know, let's just go with what comes up first,
but when is a time you remember feeling
like you had to overperform in a relationship?
Does it have to be specifically in a relationship or?
It can be, you know, family.
It doesn't have to be.
The earliest is, you know,
I'm the oldest of three sisters
and I kind of acted like a little mommy to,
so I was, yeah, I was expected to perform like an adult
very, very early on taking care of my sisters
and taking care of their needs.
And I was kind of held responsible for a lot of things
as a child that a child wouldn't, shouldn't be.
So the overperforming and performing
at a very high level was like part
of my earliest upbringing.
Yeah, was that cultural
or was that because your mom was single or?
No, my mom worked a lot,
and so she was not around much.
And she also had very limited ability to nurture
and be there, present.
She wasn't able to be present.
So it's sort of, I have a innate kind of a nurturing nature.
So I just fell into that role,
that being the mom role very naturally.
And it was also, then it started getting,
you know, being expected of me.
So it became like a performance that I had to do.
I enjoyed it too, but I also had to do.
Yeah, and part of it, part of it now
is you probably did it for so long
that it's become a habit
that you don't know how to turn off yet.
Yeah.
You show up in other relationships now,
that kind of got ingrained in you.
And so your tendency is gonna be to shift into that.
Do you ever feel like you've been in relationships
where you've been momming the guy?
Not necessarily momming,
but like definitely doing way more
than my share of the marriage work.
You know, it's like I work for the two of us.
I love, you know.
The underlying is taking on responsibility
where you don't need to.
So one of the things-
No, I-
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Oh, go ahead.
I'm sorry.
So one of the things-
No, I-
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Oh, I feel like it's, I,
in a sense I become controlling
because I'm trying to do all of the work
so I can control the outcome of like,
I think, okay, I can make my marriage work
if I put 200% into it,
even though there's not like much coming
from the other side, you know?
So that's how I show up in relationship.
I just like think I can just make up
for the deficit of everybody else.
Hmm.
Okay.
So this is so good, y'all.
There's so much here in a good way
that hopefully this is gonna be helpful.
I see Maria says,
and when I asked about the momming guys,
she related to that.
So ladies, if you tend to try to mom people,
you know, it's probably that at some point
you believe that you know better.
You know better and taking responsibility for people.
So what we have to do, ladies,
in our healing process
is we also have to start learning
where do we end and someone else begins?
So what I mean by that is boundaries.
And sometimes that can be tricky
because in situations like hers,
I don't know what the family dynamic is like now,
but when we learned so young
to become responsible even for our brothers and sisters
in the caring and she didn't just say,
you know, the physical care,
but mom at times had limited ability to nurture.
So Jennifer felt like she had to be the nurturer
partially because her gift
that was already inside of her got overextended
because it got called into action
far beyond her age and ability of maturity.
And so she learned very young
to live in an overextended state.
Do y'all understand?
So now she has to learn how to come back into balance.
through the healing of the Lord and everything that he's going to do in you,
he's going to help you come back into balance. I feel this for you, and I don't
know if anybody else is feeling this, but God's going to heal you and help you
kind of do a reset where you're going to start to see like what you're actually
responsible for and that it's okay to let other people be responsible too so
that, hey, a team of two is better than a team of one all the time. All the time.
But we have to also believe that people will show up and actually help and
follow through on their word, and so I want to encourage you to use the
forgiveness prayer sheet and to forgive, you know, your mom for times that she
wasn't able to show up, you know, in the relationship the way that you needed her
to. As a young child, you needed mom. You needed a mom, you know, and that doesn't
mean that she wasn't there. I don't want to be hard on your mom because I had a
single mom who had four kids and worked all the time. When I was a kid, I felt
neglected, but my mom was working. She was doing a lot. It wasn't that she didn't
love me. She was working all the time, right? And so, you know, it's not
necessarily what we perceive as a kid, but what we feel does impact us and it
does create an open door for the enemy to lie to us. Yeah, I've processed a
lot of that and forgiven, but I also know that there's always more layers,
right, that show up and, you know, so there's probably another layer of
forgiveness that I need to do, even though I feel like I've done like
hundreds of layers. Yeah, and sometimes it will feel like that. The other thing I
was going to say with this, Jennifer, is the first time that you were in a
different relationship, so in addition to the stuff with your mom and growing up,
the first time that you took responsibility for someone else's stuff,
have you ever just kind of processed forgiving yourself for that?
I'm probably not forgiving myself. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, I think that's going to
be key here because part of part of the healing process is that we we
understand our side of the street. Well, our side of the street is when we keep
allowing people to take advantage of us. But sometimes it's because we are we
want to, like you said, you said it yourself. I try to control the outcome.
So sometimes I control things. Sometimes I'm doing the extra stuff because I'm
trying to control some kind of outcome. So if we want to unpack that all the
way, well, what's the outcome we're afraid of experiencing that we're now
overcompensating for? Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, like, I didn't want my
marriage to fail. So I would overextend and overwork and overdo everything, you
know, because I, you know, I was trying to control the outcome of like, not
facing the fact that it might end, you know? Yeah, yeah. And sometimes, ladies,
the men and I don't know your ex, so I'm not speaking this regarding him. But
sometimes, as you move forward, and you all start dating, you might experience
that the men that will be chivalrous, some of you all are going to struggle to
let them do things for you. Why? Because you think you can do it by yourself. And
you've told yourself so long, we kind of touched on this the last few weeks with
the lies we were unpacking. I'm good. I've got this. I don't need anybody's
help. I like being even though you people say they want a spirit mate inside. We
have a lot of people that are like, I like my life single. I like my house the
way it is. I don't like I like not having to answer to anyone. I mean, I
have people that tell us that. And so we have to process where where's the stuff
coming from in us that leads us to control or to not give space to the
other person to show up. And if they proven that they just don't show up,
that's different story. Okay. But practicing letting the men help us
remember a couple weeks ago, if you were here for a few weeks, you know what I'm
talking about. If you haven't heard it yet. I'll circle back to that in a few
weeks. And we'll get you all practicing. But practicing you can anybody can
practice looking guy in the face and smiling and just acknowledging his
presence. Ask letting them have like, help you if you need help. Don't Don't
be the one reaching all the way to the top on your tippy toes trying to reach
something and a really nice guy. It doesn't matter if you're not trying to
hit on him. But if a guy that's tall is walking by. Ask the guy to help you get
the thing off the shelf. Those are things we can do we can step into divine
feminine. It doesn't make us weak to extend that offer like hey, would you
would you mind to like grab this cereal box off the top here? I'm kind of
You know, it'll be a fun little interaction or whatever, and we can practice doing those
things.
Um, yeah.
And, and ladies, there's nothing wrong if like I saw, um, no, not me.
I can't be comfortable putting air in my tires.
Yeah.
Sometimes we're not, we were totally fine with the men helping us, but letting a woman
help us a sister, another woman, even if like, especially if she's attractive and we compare
ourselves to her.
So many women struggle to let other women help them.
So it comes in all facets, ladies.
So be open to that as you move forward.
Okay.
I'm going to start to go, Jennifer.
That was so great.
Thank you for sharing.
Really appreciate you.
I'm going to, excuse me, I'm going to start to go into our next content.
We're going to talk about submission tonight, ladies.
And I want to talk first a little bit about, I kind of alluded to it earlier, not only
former husbands, but also, you know, men of authority and influence over us.
What does it look like when we experience that kind of, um, struggle where there's abuse
or there's mistreatment because of it.
And I want to give you the scripture first.
This was something specifically that came out of my time with the Lord this morning.
I don't normally include all of this in this, in the submission, but I felt led to release
it over the group today.
Colossians 3 21 in the NIV version says this, fathers do not embitter your children or they
will become discouraged.
In the King James version, it's the same scripture, just a different version.
It says, fathers provoke, not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The scripture versus Colossians 3 21.
Provoking this is actually Greek, arethidzo, I don't know if I said it right, but that's
what it looks like.
It's to stir up, excite, stimulate, especially to anger and provoke a child.
If they are discouraged, it actually means like when a father does this, it actually
means to be disheartened, dispirited, broken in spirit, to be dismayed.
The definition of provoke is to call something forth, a feeling and action to stir up purposefully,
to incite, to anger, to arouse a feeling or action.
I'm bringing this up because the Lord was putting on my spirit this morning that I needed
to address the people in the room that have had unhealthy experiences with fathers, ex-husbands,
men in authority, and encourage you all to forgive your fathers, to forgive those men
in authority for the unhealthy actions and words and treatment that they committed towards
you.
And here's why, because when we're talking about submission, a lot of people automatically
go to, well, I, I'm not like, well, let me do this way.
Let me do this way.
Let me see the number of hands of people that are comfortable with submission.
Like you feel good about submission, you're comfortable submitting, anyone raising hands
on that?
We got a couple, but a majority are not.
And this is the reality.
Even in Christian circles, people are afraid of submission.
Why?
Because it's been mishandled.
It's been mistaught.
And so we are afraid of it because we have been given wrong information about what it
means.
And I want you to understand that God is not like that scripture that I just talked about.
God doesn't embitter his children.
He doesn't try to provoke us to anger.
He loves us.
He gently, even when he draws us to repentance, y'all, it says that God would lead us to repentance
through his loving kindnesses.
Does that sound like a God that would provoke us to anger?
It doesn't, right?
But so often, if we grew up in an environment where we did experience that, like Steffi
says, I still live with my dad.
It's hard to be under his house, but not safe under his wing.
You know, it's tough when you're navigating those situations and maybe have your whole
life or when you were younger, whenever it happened.
And some of you, praise God, had great parents, great dads, but it could be another person
in authority along the way.
And some of you may not have experienced this at all, but it was worth mentioning tonight
because in order for us to submit to God, we have to understand how our experiences
in the world impact our view of God.
It changes and distorts the way we're looking at God, the way we're looking at other men.
Like I was saying earlier, totally afraid of men.
Why?
Well, I had good reason, didn't I?
I was abused in a sense four different times.
And I didn't even...
many more times the enemy tried to bring breakdown and destruction in my life through men and
through like sexual things that he kept trying to come at me with men attacking me y'all
this was just a little bit of the surface tonight that I share with you I could totally
have so many reasons to not like men but that's not God's that's not God's plan because guess
what that is not all men so many good men and so here is a key for you to understand
like in order for you to grow and really heal you understanding God's character is going
to be key for you so who is God as love who is God is kind who is God is faithful who
is God is good who is he has peace all of his characteristics like really spending time
like God show me who you are as kind to me like if I'm praying over my God show me who
you are as faithful to Bethany Cooper like what does that look like what does that sound
like help me to recognize it help me to not go past it and believe the lie of the enemy
that you're not good that you're an abuser that you don't protect me that you forsake
me and you leave me because that's not truth ladies but we believe it so many times when
we know capital NKNOW when we know and I'm putting in an emphasis there because I want
to lean into intimacy not love like sexual relationship but I'm talking about intimate
closeness with the Lord right now when we know the one we are submitting to and trust
them it can then help us choose to like submit and surrender when we know the one that we're
submitting to and there's someone that we can trust it becomes more doable and if we
have the right information that's kind of key to so who are we submitting to number
one we're submitting to God that's what we're asking of you in heart work that's what we're
asking of you on this journey to know that you can let go in this process that you can
learn if you you know a lot of us will say yeah I trust God I trust God I did trust God
to you all I did but even today I can tell you there are times where I'm like man this
is hard God I trust you but this is hard and there's a part of me that maybe an inkling
right now isn't trusting you fully and if that's true then it's probably because I need
to continue to grow and the understanding of his love for me getting more and more and
more rooted and grounded in his love changes everything submission means that we will yield
power to another and even as Jennifer was sharing earlier you know if you think about
it that's a good example you know are we willing to yield the power to someone else
and what if they make a mistake what if things do fall apart I know love is a risk ladies
it is but it's worth it when it works out and sometimes you know it's not healthy to
give people all power so understand I'm talking about healthy people here that we're going
to submit to and God is number one healthiest person well I mean he's God he's man you know
what I'm saying but we're gonna we're gonna submit to him because he's healthy that's
why so we don't want to just go around submitting to people that are not healthy for us to submit
to the people that try to lord it over us which we're gonna talk about that here in
a minute submission is not about someone dominating us controlling us or dominating and controlling
other people if you're going on dates with someone and they're dominating and trying
to control the waitress y'all pay attention to those things that's that's a hello pay
attention because if they're doing that to the waitress guess what their good behavior
on the date with you will eventually go away submission is not about someone dominating
us or us dominating them it's not about them controlling and dominating other people this
is what submission is about a mutual respect and surrender towards each other a mutual
both parties coming together and submitting to each other with respect and surrender I
can tell you from experience I submitted to my ex-husband in a time when I was really
like for years I did not I mean I tried my best to submit to him but I really didn't
fully and there was a time where I was really trying to show him like I'm a good wife I'm
a supportive wife this is my ex-husband and I was doing all the things to try to show
that support and all of that and y'all
made a wrong decision in a time I shouldn't have given him that.
And he had full reign and it really created a lot of destruction,
not only in our marriage, but it impacted my mom.
And it was just this whole landslide of stuff.
But I'm saying that to say to you that in future relationships,
I was afraid of submission for a while. And then I met Brian.
Brian is my husband.
We've been married a little over two and a half years now and you all,
Brian and I had many conversations about this topic, submission.
Y'all want to know one of the questions and this wasn't something I asked him
right on the beginning. So just so y'all know,
this was further into our relationship of getting to know each other.
But my question to him was, what is your viewpoint of submission?
I wanted to know what did he view?
Cause my ex-husband's view of submission was I'm going to tell you what I think
you need to do and you're going to get in line. And that wasn't God's way.
And God was teaching me a lot about submission.
And thankfully my husband is the one that also said that mutual respect and
surrender. That was his belief.
That's why we moved forward together because I knew that I needed to be with
someone that believed in the partnership, teammates.
Sometimes I see things in the spirit that Brian doesn't see and I can kind of
convey something to protect us from something going into a decision or
whatever. And sometimes he sees things that I don't see.
And so if we don't submit to each other, guess what?
God's saying something at times to him or to me.
And that's the point we're a team.
And I might miss something that God is saying to protect us.
If I wasn't willing to submit and surrender to my husband's insight.
And vice versa. Okay.
I want to take you a little further into God and who he is tonight.
I want to give you some truth about who God is.
God is a gentleman.
I want you to kind of keep that in the forefront of your mind.
He is a gentleman. Revelation 3 20. Behold,
I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,
I will come into him and eat with him and he with me and your heart healing
and your heart healing process. We encourage you to yield to God.
He will not force his way on you.
He will stand at the door of your heart and knock,
and he will ask permission to enter. Feel the Holy spirit on this.
Y'all some of you even right now, you're so afraid.
He's going to force you into things. He's not going to force you into anything.
It's your choice. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior,
you all it's our choice to do so.
Why would anything else be different?
Why do we believe the lies of the enemy that God is trying to force us to pick
somebody that we will never like, or whatever the lie is that we believe
he's standing at the door of our hearts and he's knocking and he's asking
permission to enter.
It's up to us to give him permission to enter through our surrender and
submission.
This goes back to the do not enter signs when we're in the healing process.
You know,
we have these signs erected on our hearts subconsciously sometimes where we're
just like, God, I want you to come in and heal.
But then he starts meddling if you will. We'll, we'll say it.
We'll he starts meddling in there in a good way.
But those things start coming up and then we're like, Whoa, wait a minute. No,
like I don't want to go there.
But then are we really fully surrendered? Are we really submitting?
And there's a reason that we're submitting. It's, it's this posture of God.
I need you. You know, there's a song every hour. I need you, God,
I need you, you know, like, I'm not going to try to sing it,
but just that's what just came up in my spirit.
Like we can't do things without him.
He's the vine or the branches apart from him.
We can do no thing. He's our sub location,
everything that we have need of he'll give to us job.
2221 in the NLT version says this submit to God and you will
have peace. Then things will go well with you.
Peace here is the Hebrew word. Um, I, I didn't write the word,
but it's seven, nine, nine, nine, three nines, seven and three nines,
but it's a Hebrew word. And it says to be in covenant in a, excuse me,
to be in a covenant of peace, to complete,
to finish to make whole or good to restore.
So this scripture is saying, if we submit to God,
God is in a covenant of peace with us.
And then things will go well with us. Y'all covenant is commitment.
Job 22, yeah, thank you, Maria.
So let's think about this.
Some of you all have encountered men
that haven't been willing to commit.
God's always willing and ready to commit to you.
He's already wanting to be in covenant with you,
but us submitting to him in his process,
even in our healing process, is so important.
Proverbs 3, verse 5 in the message version says this,
trust God from the bottom of your heart.
Don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything that you do,
everywhere that you go.
He's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
I'm gonna put you in your breakout session.
I'm gonna read over you, even if you've read it before.
I can't remember if I've read this over y'all recently,
but I'm gonna do it again tonight.
I just wanna get you in the posture of submission
before you go into the breakout room.
Your question when you go into the breakout room
is do you struggle with submission and why?
Do you struggle with submission and why?
I wanna encourage you just to receive this.
I always feel like closing our eyes
and kind of just being open heart surrender position
is really good for this.
And I'm gonna read this over you.
This is the submission activation from the HeartWork book.
And it says this,
Father God, I give you permission to search me
and to reveal anything in my heart
that does not belong to my true identity
and that is hindering me from living the life
you created me to live.
Holy Spirit, I invite you into the darkest places
in my heart.
Show me the areas that are still wounded
and are still hurting.
When you reveal these broken places to me,
I covenant with you to release them into your care
and to respond with forgiveness and repentance.
I set aside this season of my life
for a time of healing and wholeness
and ask Holy Spirit to take charge of this process.
I ask that you dwell with me and in me.
I need you.
I cannot heal myself.
I want to be free from the past,
free to be who I truly am.
Help me to become who you created me to be.
Show me the lies I've believed about myself,
my life, my surroundings,
even the lies I've believed about you, God.
Teach me the greater truth.
Teach me your ways.
Teach me how to think and how to live abundantly.
Teach me, show me, heal me, grow me.
In Jesus name, amen.
I'm gonna put you in the breakout.
Y'all can start to talk about this.
I'm gonna give you four minutes this time.
So short, brief, and powerful.
Do you struggle with submission and why?
I'm gonna recreate the rooms as well.
Oh, let's see here.
Give me one second.
There we go.
Okay.
Sorry, y'all had to fix something there.
Okay, there you go.
Okay.
Yeah, go ahead and click to join
to get in those rooms for me.
Okay.
Okay, Father, thank you so much for your goodness.
God, thank you that you'll help all the women
be able to share very quickly in their breakouts,
but to get to the root of the matter
with submission as well.
Lord, thank you for the conversations
that are happening in the rooms.
Jennifer, did you get kicked out?
Yeah, I couldn't enter a room.
That's okay.
I was trying to, someone was by themselves.
I think that might be what happened there.
Where are you at right now?
Sorry, I gotta find you.
Oh, there it is.
Okay, that should pop up there for you.
Okay, thanks.
You're welcome.
So Father, we just thank you
that you'll just bring peace into all these rooms,
even as they're talking about submission.
Lord, I pray that you would help us to understand
all the ways that we need you in every moment of our lives.
I thank you that you would help us to.
Get an upgrade in our understanding of who You are as God, as love and faithful and kind,
this joy-filled, peaceful place that we can enter into and rest.
We thank You for helping us to receive revelation and insight regarding Your perspective of
us, Father, and an upgrade in understanding of our value and our worth, that You would
silence every voice of the enemy that has tried to bring destruction and death inside
of ourselves, where we even at times have been at war within ourself in certain ways.
Lord, we thank You.
Oh, Sylvia, you're trying to connect to voice.
I just saw it.
So sorry.
And so I'm guessing you're trying to put your iPad in that room.
Let me put you into...
Let's see if this works.
I just put you into that room that you were originally got the invite for.
So Lord, we just thank You.
Even Arianne, I see your message.
Lord, we just thank You for, you know, sometimes we experience anger when we hear certain scriptures
because of things we've gone through.
So Lord, we just thank You for peace that passes all understanding, that guards our
hearts and our minds through Christ Jesus, that can also help our bodies calm down.
We speak peace like a river flowing down from heaven over every one of our bodies, our minds,
our spirits, our souls, Lord, we speak forgiveness and peace.
We release those that have harmed us in any way into Your care, Lord, into Your plan for
their lives.
We thank You, God, that You forgave us so we will forgive other people.
We thank You, God, for sending so many good people into our lives to show us something
different than what we experienced with those people.
And we thank You, God, that You send spiritual mothers and fathers into our lives, friends,
you know, healthy husbands in the future.
I speak that over all of these ladies and all that You're doing in their lives.
We thank You, God, that they can have a different experience in the future than what they've
experienced in the past, Lord.
We just thank You that, yeah, Your peace can rule and reign in our hearts and our minds,
our bodies, our spirits, and our souls.
We thank You, Lord, that You can help us to receive, yeah, just forgiveness for ourselves
in any area where we have struggled in the past and made mistakes or decisions, God.
We thank You that You would help us tonight to release ourselves from the prison that
we've kept ourselves in, Lord.
We declare freedom and liberty to the captives.
It says in the Word that wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
And so we just speak freedom over every one of these ladies that are here live, those
that are watching the replay.
We thank You, God, for leading us into greater truth, into greater insight.
And Lord, the good, good life.
And I just keep thinking of two things, Elijah, when he was on the mountain and God came with
that still small voice.
And then also the other story with him where the goodness of God was chasing him down as
he went down the mountain.
And so for whatever reason, ladies, I just felt led to share that with you as well, that
God is good and His goodness can chase us down in a good way.
We can experience the goodness of God in the land of the living.
That means now.
I'm going to give you all your activation and then we're going to have time to share
for like a minute or two probably.
But your activation this week is called a root drawing.
So basically what I want you to do, and I'm going to show you an example here in a minute,
is pray and really ask the Lord, what are the roots in your life?
And how do you discover the roots while you know what the fruit is?
So where is there unhealthy fruit showing up in your life right now?
And where is there good fruit showing up in your life right now?
And you're going to see that in the HeartWork book.
There's a part of one of the chapters that talks about fruits versus roots.
You know, the fruit that's bad can be any kind of area of sin, any kind of area of destruction
that's showing up as a pattern in our life.
But I really want to identify some of these things and help you all begin to decipher
so that you can start to see, oh, I don't know if you see, do you see the tree right
now?
Okay, cool.
So this is someone else's example.
And so it can look, y'all, doesn't have to look exactly like this.
Some people have done, there's, you know, more crafty, less crafty.
The point is getting this stuff kind of on the paper and processing it.
So when you're really thinking, this is a good example, some of her roots, kind of one
of mine I shared with you earlier was fear of man.
So okay, well, what fruit is that creating?
You know, what is, what's being reproduced as a
result of that root of fear of man. Do you understand? And so if you look where she led
that, it went to confusion, stuck, crippled, smaller world. So those were some negative
fruit that she thought was showing up in her life as a result of the fear of man.
But her faith root leads up to some, I'm not sure for which one, 100%, but pleasing God,
hope, connection, healthy relationships. And so, you know, there's these different good
roots that are leading to good fruit. And so I want you to really pray. Don't just copy what
someone, not that you would, but just, you know, take this as your own process and really ask the
Lord, like what's going on in my life? What are the roots that I have in the fruits that showing
up good and bad, healthy and unhealthy, and really start to identify those. And as you identify those,
this is where it can help you with that revealing for healing cycle as well. When you identify the
roots in fruit, y'all, that can be right there. A lie is, you know, that we have to be afraid of
man. Another lie, let's see, what'd she say here? Unhealthy in efficiency, unhealthy, something.
Yeah. Or like self-protect lie might be, she has to self-protect because nobody else will protect
her. Well, that's not a lie. And that's leading to living a small life because if we don't ever
let anybody else in, well, that's a lot of isolation, isn't it? Do you all see how that
kind of works together? And so I want you all to create your own roots and fruit tree and then
post it in the group. Okay. This is another opportunity to come into, another opportunity
to come into community, to show up for yourself. And no, you're not doing it for other people.
You're doing it for yourself, but it's going to bless and minister to other people too, when we
show up in community. I had one of the ladies that was on the live session this afternoon. I'm
not sure if she's here again, live tonight, but she created a video in the group this afternoon,
y'all. It's great. It's great. And she's just sharing some things that God was speaking to her.
And she did the activation of letting go. And she set her paper on fire of the things that
she was letting go of. That was an activation I issued a couple of weeks ago. And so I really
believe that these activations can help you all get an additional breakthrough. It's up to you if
you want to do it or not, but we're just putting it out there, but we'd love to hear from you.
Is there anyone, we have three more minutes. Is there anyone that wants to share with the
whole group what you shared in your breakout about this submission? Do you struggle with
submission and why? Awesome. Joy, go ahead. Okay. I shared with the two sisters and
about my previous job, previous employer. So I know I discovered more clearly about the, if I
have problems about submission, one, because the fear, because of fear and afraid to trust someone,
you know, it was on me. They may not. Okay. Then I told them the one specific example is that
like a Chinese year that is a snake year. So, and my previous boss, they allow people
either design on flyer to celebrate the Chinese new year, they put a snake, right?
So if I already left the company, all right, I'm just saying that it happened before different
design. If I just submit, okay. They say, okay, because the Chinese new year, but in my heart,
in my spirit, I hate it. I hate it. I discussed it. Even the boss tell me just choose that design.
Probably I could not submit, but then the word of God says, even a wicked authority, you have to
obey. So for me, definitely will be have inner struggles in my heart. I did not want to obey.
I definitely have to tell the designer to give a different design, but probably my boss say it's
okay. So that it happened before with different designs. I really, I struggled at have the told
the design rate to design and come out much better, but the boss just he or she did not
the same. We do not have the same perspective. Yes. And this is a great example, Joy. I'm so
glad that you brought this up. It makes me think of years ago, I was working for a secular company
and my boss wanted me to go buy a bottle of wine for something he was going to give a gift to
someone. And at the time, I mean, this is years ago, y'all, I didn't understand that there can
be balance here, but like, I did not want anyone to see me going into that store.
to buy wine because I didn't want to give any appearance of evil, right? And I'm not saying
that I don't still feel the same to some degree, but I'm not worried about that so much anymore
because I know what I do in my time and I know kind of how I live. But in that time, I just
didn't, you know, and it was this big, you know, thing back and forth. Thankfully, he honored that
even though he didn't understand it. But sometimes we are going to be asked to do things that we may
not want to because we don't feel right about it and in our spirit, submit to that thing. And that
is okay. It's healthy for us to communicate, you know, kind of where we stand now. Know that
sometimes that can cause friction in jobs and things like that, especially if you're working
for someone that isn't a believer. But that doesn't mean we can't use our voice and communicate,
you know, our thoughts, our feelings. And that's where I was saying earlier,
knowing what our values are, what do we believe in and having that defined already will help us
even when we go into employer relationships. Because sometimes our employers, I had an employer
kind of like try, you know, even though a little like, hey, nobody, like you can just lie a little
bit, you know, that kind of stuff. No, like, no, I'm not going to do that. You know, so I think
it's healthy for us to not always submit, especially when something isn't sitting right
in our spirit. And with that culture there, that might be tough to speak up and say that, but
yeah, absolutely. Don't feel like we have to just go along with everything just because someone is
an authority over us. That was great joy. Thank you for sharing. Even the wicked and the Bible
you have to submit. So if they're not have that Godly value. So do I, of course I did speak out,
you know, many times, but sometimes it's not very easy to come here, but do I still submit?
That's my question. You know, do you still submit when, when what, when they do not change their
mind, they're still holding the worldly standard, worldly value? I mean, here's the thing. Here's
the thing. Is it going to cause you to be in sin to print that snake, that flyer with the snake on it?
I really discussed it. It really, really, I don't want to exhort any snake. This is God's
in you. Every year is God's in you, holy year. Why we shouldn't exhort any snake,
call it the year belongs to snake. So to me, I could not do it. I'm sorry.
Probably I have to leave the job. Yeah. And that's why I said, this is where you have to
talk with your employer. And if your employer is like, you have to, you have to,
then you might have to make a decision there. Do you stay with that employer? If you're that,
you know, not good with it on, in, on the inside, or, you know, is it something where you can move
forward and, and print it, you know, that's something between you and the Lord, you'll have
to really pray into that and decide. But, and that's why I said, not everything that people
ask us to do, should we submit to if it's something that's causing us to not feel healthy on the
inside, but only you can decide how to navigate that, you know, going forward. I, we are getting
after time. So I want to be conscious of that. I do want to give Steffi a chance to share real
quick. If anyone needs to jump off, totally understand. Thank you all for being here
tonight. Steffi, go ahead. I would say I have difficulty with submission because
I am avoidantly attached. I have avoidant attachment behaviors, in other words.
Okay. Tell me how that, what, like in all relationships or
romantic or what are we referring to here? Romantic, family, professionalism. I feel
disconnected to romantic partners. I feel misunderstood. I expect the worst in relationship
so that automatically puts like a guard up, I guess, for me to allow myself to submit to whoever,
avoiding conflict, like I said, in the workplace. I have this nagging sense that something is wrong
or like missing when it comes to romantic, frequent thoughts about ending the relationship,
which is exactly what I've been doing for years. So let me ask you this. I can't remember it. I
know that we chatted before, Steffi, so I apologize that I can't recall exactly what
we talked about. Did you have a good attachment with your parents when you were younger?
Not with my dad and still no. Okay. Tell me, tell me briefly what that was like.
Very belittling, very like,
not having a voice, kids at the dinner table or silence, not giving an opinion,
you're, I'm the parent, I'm what's right, you have no voice whatsoever, a lot of
yelling, yeah, just very belittling, you're always wrong, I'm always in the
right, things like that. Was your dad in your home your whole life? Yes. Okay, so
not, I know, I think I'm kind of, I think we talked about your dad a little bit
the last time as well and so as you're continuing to do the forgiveness prayer
sheets, that will help some of this but the reality is, is that over time as you
heal, God is going to give you opportunities to resist the avoidant
tendencies that you've learned and try to lean into secure attachment. I'm not
saying that it will be an easy process but I do believe it it's possible. I used
to feel anxious attachment a lot, not that it's the same as avoidant
attachment but I definitely showed up way different with Brian and there were
times I felt that anxiousness try to rise up in me, you know, the panic of
like, oh my gosh, I haven't heard from him, is he thinking bad, does he like me,
does he not, all these like crazy things and I remember just talking to my spirit
like, Bethany, calm down, everything is okay. I'm not saying it's always gonna be
that easy either to get my, our flesh to submit but there are times where that
avoidant tendency, it reminds me of when I was younger and I was afraid, I was so
afraid of the dark that when that fear, I think I shared this a week or two ago,
when that fear would come on me, I would feel this need to run up the stairs but
I had to start resisting that stuff because that wasn't healthy and so when
we have these avoidant things where, you know, we avoid conflict, it tends to go
back to when we were little, it sounds like, you know, it was a lot of conflict
growing up with dad and so wondering what it was like, you know, in the other
dynamics but like, if we didn't learn how to have healthy conflict, that's why we
would want to avoid conflict so really pray into like, even the Lord showing you
what is healthy look like, just in general, what is healthy human being look
like and sound like, you know, Lord show me ways that I can trust that you will
help people to understand me, you know, where we start leaning out of I'm always
misunderstood, nobody gets me, I'm alone, it makes me think of that, that old poem
I don't even know who, Edgar Allan Poe, is he the one, everybody eat worms,
something eat worms, everybody hates, nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess
I'll go eat worms, sorry y'all I'm messing it all up but that's what comes
to mind, you know, but literally that, that's what, you know, some of us tend to
believe that cause us to avoid and so leaning away from that, those are lies, so
what about Steffi, like what makes you like amazing, you know, God I believe that
I was created to be in community, to connect, so Lord help me to know what I
bring, the value I bring to people and to really not just know it in my head but
to believe it in my heart and the way we believe in our heart y'all, honestly, I
think it is reading the word, it's getting so much of the truth in that we
believe it, we meditate on it, you know, that we would have the word on
the tablet of our hearts that it would be literally written in there but it's
also having a revelation, God showing you his vision of you, his perspective of
you, what does he have to say about you and partnering with that over and over
and over again, disciplining ourselves in our minds and our bodies, you know, to
resist the lie and to partner with the truth, you can be secure, you can learn
how to have a healthy dynamic with a man and people and A, we love that you're a
part of this community, I'm so glad that you shared again tonight, these are huge
steps and so I want you to be sure to celebrate yourself because instead of
being in isolation and being misunderstood tonight, I hope you feel
understood. And I hope that you feel connection, even if we're, you know,
we're not in the room with you. But on the digital world, we're giving you a big
hug tonight, and we're supporting you. And so where we start to receive that
truth, does everyone understand? And sometimes it's going to be a little
harder than others. But the more you work those muscles, Steffi, I think the more
you're
to really learn that you can you can shift out of that stuff. And
that you don't have to live that life forever. Yeah, you're
welcome. And some of the ladies are cheering you on in the chat
to ladies, this is this is what communities about. This is why
it's important for y'all to share whether it's on the lives
or in the group. We're here for you. And we want you to learn
how to connect in healthy ways and do it a little bit more
every day. Okay, so let me pray us out. We're at 940. Thank you
for staying for a few more minutes tonight. Father, thank
you so much for everything that you've done tonight. Thank you
for the things that you're going to continue to do. Father, we
thank you for victories for breakthrough for aha moments,
God that you would just continue to bring revelation and insight
supernatural healing and, and restoration. God, we thank you
that you're the great physician that nothing is too hard for
you. We ask you to do supernatural surgery on these
ladies hearts, minds, bodies, spirits and souls, even while
they sleep that you come in and minister to them, that you would
dispatch your angels on their behalf, or to come in and
minister and soothe brokenness, broken areas, lies, unbelief,
doubt that you would calm anxieties and fear, where we
have, at times avoided people because we haven't believed we
can connect God, I thank you for just even like Lincoln logs
and connecting that you're the great dot connector. So you can
help us connect to and we just believe that in Jesus name.
Amen. I don't know if Lincoln logs are the ones that connect
they lay on top of each other, but I just kept seeing like, you
know, logs or whatever kind of connecting to each other. And
God is the great dot connector. He can connect dots and that
means he can cause us to connect. I hope you all have an
amazing night. We love you. We're so glad that you're here
and we'll be seeing you in the group soon. Okay. Bye.
Good night, everyone.
Good night.