All right. Welcome, ladies. It's Tuesday, February 25th, and this is your phase two
live check-in here at one o'clock Eastern. Welcome. My name is Carla Johnson. For those
of you that don't know me, I'm one of your coaches here at phase two at last year's single
I'm a success story. I have been with Jackie since the beginning, basically. I joined early.
Well, actually, I joined at the end of September, but then was in the program at the beginning
of October. I did a free session, the free challenge in September. And so I came on board
in October of 2020. And after a couple of years, okay, I don't want to scare any of
you off, but after a couple of years, I did meet my husband. And so we've now been married.
Well, we're coming up tomorrow is actually our two year anniversary of our engagement.
He proposed to me on my 40th birthday. So tomorrow is my birthday. And then we married
in September of 2023. So we've been married a little over a year now, almost a year and
a half, I think. So I've been where you ladies are sitting. Okay. So just know I come from
a place of understanding. And I have probably asked all the questions that you all have
asked. I probably have made all the same decisions that you all have made. I probably, you know,
basically, I've been there. For more or less words, I have been there. Okay. So, so good,
so good for me to be able to pour back into you ladies and, and share my wisdom and knowledge,
as well as all the years of teaching that I have gotten from Jackie. So it's always
just really, really a blessing for me to be here. And oftentimes, especially on the Supernatural
Saturday calls that I always stress you ladies to listen to, you know, she is even speaking
to me even in marriage. So just know that once you ladies do find your husbands, like,
this program continues. So we are launching and really ramping up the married portion
of this community. And so just know, like, you know, we're always here. It's, it's, it's
honestly, this program is such a blessing. So definitely invest yourself into it, show
up, stretch yourself, get uncomfortable, be vulnerable, you know, open up get in community,
it will benefit you tremendously, not just now in your single season, but also, when
you ladies are married, as you often hear Jackie say, and communicate to you, the marriage
is hard too. Okay, so artwork just doesn't disappear. So like I said, it is such a blessing
to be here with you ladies. So thank you for showing up so that I can be here with you.
All right. So again, just a reminder, a few more people popped on which they've got cameras
on. Perfect. Make sure those cameras are on. Please also make sure that you're muted, especially
while we're doing the teaching. Don't unmute and speak out because oftentimes we're trying
to do our best to stay on time. Put things in the chat. If you have a question, raise
your avatar hand, and we will get to you. Okay. Because we do allow, we do our best
to allow at least that last 40 minutes of our call to be literally that time for you
all to ask your questions to us coaches. Okay, so that's not just this session, but even
the eight o'clock session with Ebony. So, which by the way, if you know that you have
a question that you want to get asked, go ahead and put your avatar hand up now. It
just helps me keep an idea of how many questions I've got to answer. And I want to make sure
that I allow enough time at the end of the session. Okay. Also, when you do have questions,
and I will give this reminder when that time is, when we're ready for that portion of our
call today, to keep those questions short, brief, and powerful, and just ask one question.
If you have more than one question, we'll take your second, third, even fourth question
if you have them. But we need to allow all the ladies to ask at least their one question
first, and then we'll come back and get those other ones. Cool.
And then if we can't for some whatever reason we can't get to your question or you have to jump off before the end of the call, we can get to you again, post in the community under ask a coach and we will be sure to get to that. Okay.
Also, with those ask the coach questions we do encourage you ladies to respond to each other, but we're going to ask that you don't respond to anyone who has a post under ask a coach.
Okay, I see, you know, a lot of people put things under their wins and they're responding to each other. That's great. We want you to continue to stay engaged in the group by connecting with your sisters.
So please, please, please make sure that you do that.
Try to refrain from advice giving. Leave that to us coaches. This is your space to be able to receive. So don't feel like you have to go out and give advice to all the ladies in this community. You are in a season of receiving. Okay, that's the divine feminine spirit is to receive.
So, just like I said, refrain from coaching and giving advice to any of those ladies in the community. Let us do that. Make sure that you're staying engaged by making the post coming in and doing those live videos that we ask you to activate. Watch the replays, especially Supernatural Saturday.
Again, I cannot stress enough, and I know Jackie stresses this too. We see the most breakthrough from those women that actively, consistently, and intentionally show up and engage in community.
And the ones that are not just whizzing by phase one and whizzing by phase two and not coming and showing up. We find that oftentimes that people that rush through phase one or rush through phase two or rush through the dating process even.
Some of you ladies like to do that. You're ready to make it official. We find that if you rush through, that's where sometimes we can see that those cracks in the foundation are not solid, and so things can get really, really shaky. So, make sure that you're showing up and staying consistent.
Make sure I get through all my housekeeping items here. I think I hit most of them. Make sure that, ladies, when you are making posts and things, whether it's here in our chat, on the Zoom call, or even in our community, try to refrain from linking other websites, speakers, influencers, pastors, ministries, anything like that.
We just don't have the capacity to vet all of those out, and we always want to make sure that what we share here in Last Year Single and in the community aligns with what we teach you here.
Be sure to make sure that you're checking back on your post after a few days or such to see if we've replied to you and responded back to us, or if we responded back to you and respond back to us, because sometimes you may not get a pop-up notification.
I've been recognizing myself that when I am sharing responses to people and they reply back to me, I'm not being notified. So, do your best to make sure that you're going back and checking.
Again, ladies, when you're dating, come and share the details. This is a safe community. This is where you can be vulnerable, and it allows us to kind of help you see any blind spots or any attachment styles that are starting to surface, any anxieties or fears.
We see that in when you're showing up in your post and letting us know what's happening on your dating experiences, or just even in general. So, it helps us coach you better if you show up.
Awesome. Again, remember, ladies, part of coaching in this program is so that you ladies come out, not that you're coming out differently than what you came in. Okay, we're here to grow you in love, and it's going to stretch you.
Jackie often says that there is a process that accompanies the promise, and I say that out of my own wisdom and my own testimony being in this program.
I am not the same person I was when I first entered this program. I'm not the same person I was a year after I had done my heart work and started dating. I was not the same person six months after I was still trying to date.
I'm not the same person that I show up when I met my husband. I'm a different person even now in my marriage, and I'm still dating.
and learning to walk through that.
Okay, this program really does help you grow
and stretch and really come into alignment
with what God has for you, okay?
So, I think that's it for housekeeping, all right?
I got that under, I think, 10 minutes, which is awesome.
Okay, anybody here is new to phase two?
Just put your avatar hand up if you're not on camera.
Trying to see, I don't know,
there's a few of you that I may not recognize.
Maybe this is, okay, Collette, okay, yes.
You are new to phase two.
Maybe even if you are new, you're not new to phase two,
but maybe you're new to coming to a live check-in,
or even you come to the eight o'clock usually,
but this is your first time with me at one o'clock.
Katie, you are new as well.
Okay, well, welcome.
I don't think I officially welcomed you new ladies,
so I just wanna make sure I take time to do that.
So, it's good to have you here.
Okay, so curious.
All right, Catherine, you're new to check-in as well.
May, you've been here a while.
May, have you, I don't know if I've seen you in my phase one,
but I'm glad that you're here today.
Oh, thank you, Bernice.
I have to curl my hair sometimes.
It allows me to not wash it for several days.
When it's curled, it's like,
it looks way better if it's not been washed.
So, yes, I think some of y'all get me.
I'm a mama of three now.
It's like way harder to like stay on top of myself sometimes.
All right, well, ladies, I'm gonna pray us in,
and then we're gonna just go ahead and get started.
So, Heavenly Father, I thank you for this time together.
I thank you for the divine appointments
that you have here.
I thank you for your presence
and that you're in this community
and that you're showing up for these ladies
and you're meeting them exactly where they're at, Lord.
And I just thank you for this, the process of growing,
Lord, that we don't just stop the growth process
after phase one and the hard work that it continues to grow.
And I just thank you for that opportunity
that you're constantly calling the gold out in us,
and that your heart is to heal us
and that you understand that we have a desire for marriage
because you placed it there
and it's your plan for our lives.
It's your maturity plan for your sons and daughters.
And so I just thank you for that.
Even when we're in seasons of difficulty,
whether we're single and not getting dates
or single and getting dates,
but that you're just in it with us
and that we have a community here
that can support one another
and just continue to share your wisdom and truth
and helping us just grow and love
and just to teach us and heal us
in ways that we can't even imagine.
So I thank you for this opportunity
and I pray that you bless our time together today.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Okay, curious ladies,
tell me how you're doing with your negativity fast.
So those of you that are new, a few weeks ago,
and you just put it in the chat,
we started you ladies on a negativity fast
a couple of weeks ago.
And so I'm just curious how everyone's doing.
Put it in the chat.
I'll be honest, I'm not great at it.
Negativity is definitely one of those areas
that I struggle with the most.
And I think we live in this world
and unfortunately sometimes we focus on the negative.
The world focuses on the negative
so sometimes it's hard to break out of that habit.
But a couple of weeks ago, Jackie reminded us
on a Supernatural Saturday is to think about our thinking.
And so that is one thing that I do try
to do my best at catching.
I don't do it great, okay.
Sometimes I start noticing, wow man,
I have just a negative mindset about my neighbors,
about my situation with my kids at times
or just things just not happening
the way that I want them to happen.
And it's really easy to kind of fall in that trap
but it's really important, like Michelle is saying,
to catch yourself.
It's so important that we catch ourselves.
And that's it, like it's okay if we slip,
it's all about can we get back up, okay.
So again, keep posting it in the community,
like how you're doing, what you're struggling with,
hey, I'm struggling with this
but I'm gonna try to stay positive about it.
Like let us know, okay, and share with us.
I think there's one of the women in this community,
she is the...
such an amazing job in the all tab and she's asking you ladies like hey how's everybody doing
with it so you know check in with her you know respond or let her know how you're doing okay
build that community and so i'm going to kind of go into that right now as well as um i often tell
you ladies and and you know what maybe i can do it right now go ahead and start throwing up your
email and your phone contact where do you live and i want you ladies to start picking some of
the women that are here in the live right now and connect with them start forming a sisterhood
all right um those of you that have been on my calls before i've shared this like i have so many
friends that i have built over the last five years and they've come from this community many of the
women came to my wedding um were in my wedding like it is so important to link yourself up with
people that are are in this season with you and then they'll stay there like they'll stay in that
season they'll stay in your life with you and so i have a handful of friends that are married now
and so we can still connect and share our experiences in marriage as well some that
are getting engaged others that are still single that we're still able to kind of help and lift
them up as well and check in with them so um connect with each other and community okay i
don't see anybody putting their stuff up so why is that are we just not wanting to to connect what's
going on all right katherine's in charleston south carolina
there we go so ladies grab one of these ladies and connect okay
grab one of them and and get their contact and and just make a con you know to say hey i'm so-and-so
how did how did you find the program like make some small talk right kind of practice or
practice those date date number one question skills right
date number one question skills right
all right so i see a few people posted their their contact bernice got her email on there
okay so if you can throw up your contact you don't have to throw up your phone number if
you're not comfortable with it um but if you want to throw up an email that's fine
and then reach out okay melissa thank you thank you thank you thank you so pull one of those
contacts okay and start connecting all right as you're doing that ladies i'm gonna go into our
activation for the week um i didn't see a whole lot of people posting about their activations
last week last week i was you know one was the negativity fast so that is an activation that
we're we're continuing um but i did activate you ladies to kind of share watch supernatural
saturday from two weeks ago and share what aha takeaways you had from that supernatural saturday
and even if you're noticing that there is distractions um in your life that's keeping you
from being disciplined with what god is wanting to do in this season for you
then to also share that as well i didn't see a whole lot of that i could have missed it um i know
there were a couple but ladies i really want to make sure that you guys are coming and showing
up in community because it is important so this week all right get your pencils out write this
down okay i'm going to activate you a little bit
and i'm going to ask that this week i while you're interacting with all people
all people everybody that you come in contact with young old male female anything all people
family members strangers co-workers everything okay for those that are teachers even your
students okay i was given this activation many many years ago when i was teaching um in i was
teaching fourth grade and at first it threw me off i'm like why like how am i going to do this
with my fourth graders um but in all your interactions with all people i want you to find
something that attracts you to them okay and this is not in a weird way ladies like
we're not talking about like sexual attraction or anything but just like legit like what
do you see what fruit and gold do you see in people that you interact with every single day
and I want you to share what kinds of things attract you to people.
Anybody have any questions?
I'll let you unmute and ask a question if you need to.
We're good on the activation.
We know what we're asked to do.
I love it that you love it.
At first, I was very thrown by it when I was given it,
but I will tell you,
it has changed my life in so many ways that I can't even imagine,
and it changed my life once I started dating too.
We're good on that activation.
Continue that negativity fast and continue to keep reaching out to
the ladies in community and getting to know each other.
Those of you that are new,
each week we try to just touch on one little teeny topic from our teachings.
We just dive in a little bit on one of
the teachings that you all will watch through your course of phase 2.
We have the Dating 101,
we have Divine Feminine,
we have Online Dating,
and then this week is going to be our Boundaries Week.
I'm just going to touch a little bit on boundaries,
and especially boundaries in dating because this is the dating phase.
Doesn't mean that you have to be dating.
Some of you want to take time to process and take
in the information before you start getting out there and dating,
and we totally get that.
But we're going to give you a lot of insight when it comes to dating,
whether you're doing it now or you're going to wait a couple of weeks and do it later.
Boundaries, what are boundaries?
That's the big question,
just getting an understanding of what are boundaries.
Jackie's definition is this.
It's simple.
It's who am I and who am I not?
What do I want?
What do I not want?
What am I willing to do and what am I not willing to do?
Those are the questions that you really need to ask yourself first.
That's what boundaries are.
It's really about who am I?
What do I want and what am I willing to do?
That's going to let me know what I'm willing to invite in,
and if I'm not, then those are those,
okay, I'm not willing to do this.
I'm going to have a boundary there.
This is what I want and this is what I don't want.
So I'm going to guard myself because I don't want this.
And so we put that into practice.
Now, what I will say is this is sometimes
where we can start uncovering some heartwork stuff.
This is why phase one heartwork is important
because it helps us develop really good,
solid foundation of who we are,
what do we want, and what are we willing to do, okay?
So heartwork is always key here.
One of your sisters in community this week,
she's been asking amazing questions.
And one thing I explained to her
is heartwork is the secret sauce.
The supernatural surrender is the secret sauce, okay?
That even though you're out of phase one,
it doesn't mean that heartwork goes away, okay?
I'm curious how many of you have taken
the attachment style quiz.
It's under our resource tab in our app.
Raise your avatar hand
if you have taken the attachment style quiz.
Okay, Alessandra has, Colette has, Michelle has,
Catherine has, okay.
So probably about half of you.
Half of you have and half of you haven't.
Okay, put your hands down, okay?
Okay.
Those of you that have, will you put in the chat
what attachment style came up for you?
Those of you that haven't, I want you to do that this week.
It's under the resource tab in the app,
and it's a short little quiz.
Y'all, I went to a lunch today with a, or not today,
lunch this week with a lady from my church.
She actually joined the program.
I talked to her about the program.
And I I mean it literally we were at lunch and I handed her my phone. I said here go take this
And she and she discovered that she was an anxious
Which I I totally I totally saw it because you know, I'm obviously I'm sitting having a conversation
Oh, so yeah, so, you know, I was an anxious attacher. All right, sometimes I still anxiously attach
I still see that come up in me often
And I have to have the awareness and I and at least now I recognize it
So when I recognize I'm in my anxious attachment style, I have to kind of go back and remind myself of my heart work
Okay, cuz believe it or not. I still it shows up even in my marriage. I can get anxious with my husband
And it's you know, it's not just in relations. It's just in how I I operate in general. I just have
I have
Tendencies where I can have the anxious thoughts and so I know I have to go into my heart work when I see that happen
So, yes a lot of you have anxious, okay, there's a couple that have secure that's amazing I will say
Those of you that might be anxious. I don't see any avoidance in here yet. So I don't know
Okay, so yours changes between Melissa changes between
Anxious and avoidance so you might be that the flip-flop the one that's a little bit of both
So that is a thing as well. So I
Will you know just encourage you ladies that if you are an anxious attacher like I was or maybe you show up in Boyden if
You're you know in replay if you know, it's I have found that my husband who is more secure attachment
His secure attachment does help calm my anxious attachment. And so I become more secure
because he has a secure attachment and so
It's just always good to know I
The reason I'm sharing this is because I want you ladies to understand that when we coach you ladies
We take into account these attachment styles when we see those things surfacing in you
So it may sound that like we're giving advice that might sound contradictory
When you hear our coaching but remember that this program again is about balance and supernatural surrender
okay, and
Just because we're coaching somebody who maybe has an anxious attachment style
And we're telling them to you know, coach and advising them to do one thing if you are an avoidant
That advice is not for you
Okay, so it's all about bringing it into a balance
And so I want you ladies to remind yourself that when you're in our app and you're you know
Reading up on your sisters
You know questions and when we're on these coaching calls and women are bringing those questions to us
It is really about balancing that out
So I get I know someone brought up in our community
It's like some of these things sound very contradictory and it's like I get
Why it can sound that way is because everyone's situation is going to be slightly
Different based on how they show up
Okay, so for example, we often share
You know, you want to find men that have the three M's they're mature masculine and marriage minded
Okay, and so we let's let's focus on this marriage minded and you're like, okay great
I need to you know be dating men that are marriage minded
But Carla you tell me I'm not allowed to deep dive and have these, you know
Deep questions and conversations with men that I'm meeting but I'm supposed to like meet a man that's marriage minded
But I don't know if he is and I'm not allowed to ask him. What do I do?
This sounds contradictory, but I think Karen's smiling. She probably is like, yep, that's
Yep
I get it. Hey, so if you're like me, I'm a rule follower
Like I want to follow all the rules just give me the checklist and let me check it off. Okay, I did that
I did that. Okay when I go on a date, I'm not doing this and I'm doing this and so
unfortunately ladies
Dating doesn't work this way. Our Frogan doesn't work. Hey, we're here to give you guardrails to help you keep the balance and
So when yes, I want you ladies
Choosing men that have the three M's
but what you cannot take and you cannot discount is
It's also about timing
You're not going to find out all the things in just one date or two dates or even three dates
It takes time and so for my ladies that want to do the checklist
They want to know that oh, I'm following all the rules I'm doing y'all are starting to go crazy
Like what do I do? What do I do? Like this was me. Okay say it cuz this was
me. I'm like, I'm doing all of the things that it's just not
working. Um, it's because you have to give the process some
time. All right, you cannot discredit that. Yes, we want to
focus on those marriage minded men. But you're in the season of
like getting to know someone right now. And you have to learn
to just supernaturally surrender that that stuff will come to
surface in time. Okay, so I know it can sound like we're being
super contradictory. And we're telling someone like, oh, like
don't deep dive the questions. I coach those ladies that have
the anxious attachment. Do not deep dive. Don't deep dive those
questions because you just want to quickly attach to somebody.
And then you're going to find yourself into some yucky
situation. Okay, so I want some of you ladies to relax. And I
say that because I was the deep diver. Y'all like I was an open
book. And I was like, I wore that like a like a badge of
honor. I have an open book, I am I will share my testimony in my
life with anybody. Like, that was my jam, right. And I ended
up attracting a lot of really unhealthy men because of it. And
so I had to learn how to have some better boundaries there.
And so that's what I want to go into now is, you know, what does
too many boundaries look like? And what does no boundaries look
like and dating because this is a broad spectrum. Okay, we see
sometimes ladies really shift to this side where they have so
many boundaries. And it's rigid. And it's really, really hard to
like, coach them to date because they just want to put an ax on
every single person that they date. Then we have the ladies
that like swing the other way the pendulum. And they're like, I
will love and accept anybody and everybody. And then it's like
they have no boundaries whatsoever. And so we really
want to help you ladies like put that into balance. So yes, we're
sitting here saying don't do this and don't do that. But
remember, balance is key in this situation. Okay, and dating.
Okay, have I lost anybody yet? No, we're good. Okay. I know it
can seem very confusing. So again, when we open the floor for
questions, if you have a certain situation, and you want some more
guidance on that, we are here to help. So what can it look like?
If you have too many boundaries, too many boundaries is equal to
walls. You have the very high walls that a thief is going to
have to scale in order to get to you. Okay. There's just there's
nobody nobody's coming in. Right? There's no one is good
enough. Right? No guy is gonna is gonna measure up. He doesn't
have all the things on your list. Okay? It can it can present
itself that you it will appear that maybe you're a little bit
snobby. I'm not saying you are snobby. But if you have so many
walls up, that's what it can start showing up as. Okay, it's
you might have this mentality of a man has to earn my time. Or he
has to have XYZ in order to be in my graces, right? You may it
may look like you have more never will I ever then you do
non negotiables. You're operating more in a self
protection mode and not God protective mode. Okay, you're
gonna have to understand that this dating process, you're
gonna have to make some deposits, you're gonna have to
open yourself to trust. Okay, we're not saying like fling,
like tear down all the walls like we want you to have a
fence. All right. Another way we describe boundaries in our our
training video with Renee is think of boundaries like a
fence with a gate. Okay. So you those of you that have these
walls built up because and here's the thing is I had them
for a season of my life because I had been hurt so many times in
relationship. And so I was afraid. I had no confidence in
myself that I knew how to date especially when I first came
into the program. God had to show me and empower me to have
confidence in my choices. Like God gives us this wonderful gift
of free will. And so I had to learn that God was giving me
opportunities to step into my free will and to make choices
with confidence and trust and know that he's had me so I
could step
out in faith, okay?
So for those of you that have the walls up,
just know you're gonna have to make some deposits
on some of these dates.
I'm not talking like financially
that you should be paying for dates,
but I'm talking about making a deposit
of trusting someone with your time, you know?
You know, maybe stretching yourself a little bit
to date someone that maybe you normally wouldn't date, okay?
So now what can it look like
if you have no boundaries whatsoever?
So we've had this show up, okay,
where that's basically you have no fence,
you have nothing up.
You give everyone the access, okay?
And you feel like you have to give
every single person a chance
because you have to be nice.
You wanna give grace to everyone for everything,
but really what that is is you're just enabling, okay?
So again, I'm talking about the extreme.
Now, again, we gotta bring balance to this, okay?
We wanna give grace, okay?
Because those of you that have the walls up,
y'all are gonna have to give a little grace here
to some of these guys.
Those of you that have no walls,
you're gonna have to put up some boundaries
and say, okay, I don't have to be nice, I can be kind.
Jackie has said this so many times over the years,
kind and nice are two different things.
Kind is a fruit of the spirit.
Sometimes, ladies, you are being kind
by blessing and blocking somebody.
Sometimes that's kind.
You just blessing them and blocking them
and not engaging with them, that's you being kind.
You're not gonna allow yourself to get triggered by them.
You are just gonna, you know what?
I'm gonna block them and maybe you bless them,
maybe you don't.
I will tell you, there's a couple men that I blocked
and I was like, I don't wanna bless them.
That guy was a jerk, okay?
But again, kindness and niceness
are two different things, okay?
If you have no boundaries whatsoever,
you may find yourself that you share too much too quick.
You let people in very, very quickly.
And some of that could be because you're trying
to attach really quickly
because you just wanna quickly get love and attention.
And so again, when you ladies show up
and share with us your dating experiences,
this allows us to see what areas in your heart
that might need some revealing and healing, okay?
Everything always goes back to heartwork, okay?
When you start dating and you see things show up,
it always surfaces back to heartwork.
Also, no boundaries.
Ladies, if you have no boundaries whatsoever,
you could potentially put yourself
in some abusive situations, okay, if you're not careful.
And I'm not saying this to scare you.
I'm saying that this is a reality, you know,
but trust and know when you ladies show up here,
we help you see that,
and we help coach you through that, okay?
We've done it in the past.
I've done it numerous times
where ladies were just not,
they were giving grace
and accepting unacceptable behavior from men,
and the men were showing up in very subtle, abusive ways.
That if we did not help those ladies see that,
they could have gotten themselves into some situations.
And ladies, so I say that
because us here at Last Year Single
are like your security team, okay?
We're like God's like secret service for you, okay?
We're gonna help you and help,
we're gonna be part of that protection system, right,
for you, okay?
But just know, like, God's got you.
I can't tell you in my own experience
how many times I was having dates with guys
that I thought, like, this could be potential.
You know, this guy seems pretty okay.
And then, like, out of the blue,
something would happen
and they would show their true colors in something,
and I'd be like, oh, whoa.
Like, God let me know what I needed to know
when I needed to know it.
He really, really did.
There were times I would just get holy ghosted.
And at first I'd get.
super offended because I felt rejected.
And then again, that was an opportunity
for me to work on my heart work
and realize it wasn't rejection,
it was actually protection.
And it was totally fine.
And I started getting comfortable
and I opened the invitation like,
Lord, just have this man Holy Ghost me
if he's not free from me, you know, from you and for me.
Like, shut the door, all right?
Show me what I need to see and, you know,
you can cut it off if it needs to be cut off, okay?
So I hope this helps you ladies kind of get an idea
of this, like, why we coach the way we do
and to hopefully help you ladies understand
that every dating situation,
every single woman in this community,
it's going to look differently for everybody.
And so if things are feeling like
it doesn't make sense or you need clarity,
ask for the clarity and we're here to help you.
But again, just remember a lot of what we put into place
is more of guardrails for you ladies,
so that, you know, you're just, you're dating differently.
And then it's gonna uncover all the things
that God wants to work through your heart.
You know, this is about healing the heart
because the healed, healthy heart
is what is most attractive.
And a handful of you, most of you, I will even say,
are gonna go through some dating experiences
because you have to get some healing first
before the husband comes.
That happened to me,
it happened to a lot of the women in the community.
But it doesn't mean that it has to take forever
when your spirit mate does come, okay?
Because I also know that a lot of times women are like,
I mean, because ladies, I didn't get engaged until I was 40.
So I was in this, like, I gotta hurry this up.
Like, my time is running out.
I don't wanna waste my time with all the wrong men.
Ladies, I promise you, if you trust the process,
like, it doesn't have to take that long
when you meet the right person.
I had a conversation with this woman from my church
that joined our community.
So she's gonna be popping in probably in phase one
here in the next couple of weeks.
She was really worried.
She's about to be, she just turned 44.
And she's like, I'm just afraid that my time is gone.
Like, I'm never gonna have this amazing marriage
where a man is just gonna love me for who I am
because he hasn't had that many years with me.
And I was like, a man doesn't need decades with you
to know that he loves you and cherishes you.
Ladies, like, my husband and I have been together
just a little over two years.
We've been married a little over a year.
And that man loves me
like nobody else has ever loved me before.
And I was 40 when I got married
and I'd never been married before, okay?
So just know, like, God is so truly invested
in your love story.
And when we come and approach it
with our healed, healthy hearts,
like, God can do the unthinkable.
So again, I say this because I don't want you ladies
to get hung up or upset or frustrated or triggered
or offended or anything of that nature
when you have to date some guys
that aren't your spirit mate,
but they're there to help you grow.
They're there to help pull out and reveal things to you
so you can start healing and transforming areas
of your heart.
And that's what we're here for.
We're here to help you in those areas to heal that, okay?
All right, those of you that have questions,
go ahead, let's start putting those questions up.
I'm gonna go through the chat here
and see if I missed anything.
Put your avatar hands up.
Okay, I see all of the attachment styles.
Okay, so Alessandra said she's secure,
but this weekend, some anxiousness is showing up.
So yeah, that can happen too.
Dating will start bringing some of that stuff out.
And ladies, it doesn't have to be a bad thing at all.
Like, this is just sometimes it's where God has to come in
and show us some things,
and he's gonna come and help us, you know,
see where we're believing a lie,
and then we're gonna replace it with his truth,
and we're gonna continue to keep walking that out.
So Karen, you're in the process of learning how to balance.
You tend to get into relationships too quickly,
and so you've been practicing boundaries,
but you might be putting up too many walls.
So yeah, again, it's just about balance.
And Amanda, we are so glad.
that you are here, even though it's a busy afternoon.
Okay, so I've got three questions, all right?
And it's about quarter till, so we're good on time.
Ladies, I don't want you to get shy about questions.
If you really have a question,
like I want you to spend the time asking, okay?
All right, so, all right, we got four.
So Perla, she opened up her hands.
Okay, perfect, all right.
Alessandra, remember ladies, short, brief, powerful.
If you have more than one question,
let everyone ask their one question
and then we'll get back to your second, okay?
How are you, Alessandra?
So you have a secure attachment, his name is Tito.
Tito, yes.
And now some anxiety is like starting to surface.
Yes, so Friday, he just makes a random comment
saying we should get married, but not today.
Ha ha, I'm like, okay.
And then he had said he would look for something fun to do
for our date on Saturday.
So Saturday morning, he messaged like, oh, good morning.
And I said, hey, what do you want to do tonight?
And he's like, I just haven't,
I'm just thinking about what to have for breakfast.
So I was like, it's tonight, what do you feel like doing?
So clearly he hadn't made a plan.
So I said, we could go for jazz or I don't care.
He's like, jazz sounds great,
let's reconvene when we're done with breakfast.
Never messages, so I'm freaking out all day.
Why hasn't this guy messaged?
What are we doing tonight?
So then at 4.30, I said, hey,
do you want to go to this jazz place in the center?
And he's like, no,
because I'd have to go with an armed vehicle to the center,
which is a complete exaggeration anyways.
And I'm like, I thought you were going to make a plan.
What do you want to do?
Anyway, so then he calls and says,
I've been waiting for my dad.
We were supposed to go to lunch and he hasn't shown up
and he wants to speak to me urgently
and sorry, this day's been off and whatever.
So I was like, just tell me what you want to do.
I said, okay, let's just go to dinner, 8 p.m.
He's like, great, I'll see you at 8 p.m.
Five minutes later, he sends me a message saying,
I'm so sorry, my dad showed up and is saying,
we urgently need to go change his will
and meet with the lawyers.
This is at like 5 p.m. on a Saturday night.
Okay, real quick, how long have you guys been dating?
A week, but it's like every single day messaging
and very intense and whatever.
Yeah, and I'm so sorry, I have to cancel.
And I'm like-
Okay, so you've been dating for one week.
How many dates have you been on?
Oh, sorry, two.
And this was gonna be our third date.
And so I was just very frustrated
because I was like, he clearly didn't make an effort
to plan the date.
Okay, three dates in one.
Okay, so you've had potentially three dates in one week.
We had two, it was gonna be three dates in one week, but-
Yeah, but he canceled the third date.
Okay.
So I expect him to like make a plan for another date.
So Sunday, he sends a message saying like,
hey, sorry about yesterday,
we're still continuing with the will.
And I'm like, why do you suddenly have to make a change
of a will on a Saturday and Sunday?
And he said, oh, cause my dad spoke to the president
and there's an upcoming change in tax schemes.
And I'm like, so it's like still Sunday messaging,
but like barely messaging.
And then-
Yeah, I mean, here's the big overview of this
is you still have only known this guy for a week.
It's, I mean, this is just, yeah, I don't know.
I don't like that.
Yeah, it seems like he's,
there's a lot of like exaggerating stories,
which I can totally, I totally see that.
But that's the thing, like a week in,
this is where it's, again, it's just go with the pacing.
These are yellow flags for sure.
Yeah, so yesterday there was some red flags.
I was at with my business community.
So I started telling them about this guy
cause he apparently has 40 businesses,
just has crazy stories.
So they started investigating his website.
So he is sharing all of this with you?
He told me literally in like the first sentence
when I said, what do you do on Bumble?
He says, I manage 42 businesses in 23 countries.
And I'm like, that's a little strange.
So then I shared this with my business community last night
because I'm not Mexican
and the Mexican culture is totally different.
And they were like, sounds like money laundering.
So then they spend like 20 minutes
investigating his websites and whatnot.
And they're like, this guy's money laundering.
Or assume anything.
But again, at the end,
like don't go into it over assuming anything.
But again, just keep in mind,
like you still have only known this guy for a week.
You don't know enough about him
to really start mapping out what's going on.
I think more or less it's okay.
The two dates that you've gone out with,
have you enjoyed your time?
Yeah.
Hold a conversation.
It's good.
I get, he says this, oh, we should get married.
thing. Ladies, guys, here's the thing I will even preface. I know a lot of you ladies are always
like, I need to know if he's marriage-minded. I will let you know, ladies, many men that are
marriage-minded will let you know that they're marriage-minded pretty, they will. Some of them
won't, but there are men that will. So don't ever have to worry about that. Typically, men will let
you know they're marriage-minded. They lead the conversation oftentimes. But again, you've known
this guy for about a week. You can't go in and over-assume anything. I would just take some of
the things that he's saying, being like, okay, this doesn't measure up. Use those as yellow flags.
Again, ladies, when you start seeing yellow flags, if you're going to start going and having
conversations with people and trying to sort out and connect all the dots and put the pieces
together, and you're trying to see, okay, is this a yellow flag? I want to see if it's going to turn
red. You're going to see it turn red because people are going to just fill that in for you.
I would say, you know, watch how often you are interacting with him. Again, having three dates
in one week, ladies, that's a lot. That really is a lot. And texting every day and messaging
every day, all day is a lot. Okay, I'm not saying that it's not going to happen for some of you.
I say this loosely because my husband and I, we were messaging about every day as well. We were
long distance. But again, I was more kind of being like, I'm going to put this at a stand so I'm not
diving right in. Again, it's more of a loose thing, but I'm just, again, I have to let you
ladies know, when you are having several dates in one week, and you're having a lot of communication,
the anxiousness can come in for you, and it can come in for them too.
And so you have to even sometimes watch that some of these men are going to be anxious attachers.
Many times women are more of the anxious attachers, but it doesn't mean that men aren't either.
And so I would just preface, wait for him to contact you, which I imagine that you probably are,
and let him plan a date. Yeah. I mean, he messaged this morning,
hello, bonjour, ma belle, but it was like two sentences, ha ha ha. And I didn't push it further
and let him be like, okay, good morning. Hope you're having a great day. I mean, still respond.
Don't like ladies don't not respond to men. Okay. Like let them initiate. And then, but
it's important ladies. And I know this is hard because I struggled with this.
You go on a date or two, and you really like him. You're enjoying the process of dating.
And then they kind of start acting differently. It's really easy for us to then start second
guessing things and getting in our heads about it. This is when we have to just be like,
take a step back, assess like what, what is surfacing? What anxiety is surfacing in you?
What thoughts are surfacing in you? What fears are surfacing in you? And then we got to take
those to the Lord. And that's when we got to do some heartwork in that. Okay. And it's,
I'm not talking about heartwork, like hardcore intensive surgery, heartwork. I'm talking about,
okay, these are the things that I'm starting to see. What belief am I aligning it with?
Where did that come from? Is it true? God, what is the truth? We got to replace those things
and kind of get settled back into again, like who we are, who's we are and move forward. So again,
what I often see sometimes happen with women, and this happened to me is
I would enjoy going on a date with someone. They would start pulling back or acting differently.
That kind of stirred me up a little bit. And then I would spiral and then forget. I'm like,
I'm not even in an exclusive relationship with this person. I don't even know this person
outside of a week, maybe two. I don't really know this person. Why am I allowing a person that is
practically a stranger, stir me up and having me act and behave in ways that don't align with who
he says I am. And so we have to really focus, like, this is why we talk about discovery dating.
We talk about going in with low stakes dating, discovery dating. You're just getting to know
yourself. You're getting to know these people so that if something happens,
spins where it's like, bam, a red flag,
or bam, the guy just goes missing.
We're not left with these pieces
that we're trying to scoop up because we're like,
oh my gosh, we just got, you know,
like, because we got stirred up.
So I would just take this time,
like we don't have to figure out where they are,
or who they are, or what they're all about.
We have to focus on, okay, God,
this is bringing something up in me,
and I'm gonna walk through this.
Like clearly this person,
you allowed them to come into my life for a moment,
maybe longer, whatever,
but what is it that you want to show me?
What opportunity can I step in to grow?
So Alessandra, if you're starting to see these anxiousness,
like you're wanting to go investigate,
like, oh, I got these yellow flags,
I'm gonna see if they're red.
I'll tell you ladies, you'll find red flags, you will.
If you look for red flags, you'll find it, okay?
We have to work on keeping you centered in this process.
Let's get, let's uncover that, all right?
And then you can let this guy go if he, you know,
at this point, it's like, okay, he's a little frazzled.
You know, maybe there is like this crazy obscured,
like maybe there's truth to his story, who knows?
Like-
Well, yeah, I think, and I kind of want to confront him,
but I think he's laundering money.
But anyways, I probably shouldn't confront him
because it's-
Yeah, no, we're not doing that.
No, no, we're not.
Does that, would that be divine feminine, Alessandra?
Would that be divine feminine?
Well, I wanted to say, hey, there's no,
none of your places, you don't have your hotels
that you own on Google Maps.
Like, what is going on?
But again, are you operating in divine feminine?
You don't think that would be divine feminine?
No, I don't.
Like, what, does he think I'm stupid?
Like, he's just, anyways, okay.
But again, like, whether he thinks you're stupid or not,
that's not on you.
That's not who you are.
Yeah.
All right, it's not your job to have to prove this guy
right or wrong or whatever, you know?
You don't have to go in and defend yourself either
because you're already God defended.
You know, it's not your job to go and teach this man
how to approach women or how to, like, you know,
pick a date, not pick a date, and tell these,
it's not your place, ladies.
Again, you know these guys for, like, a brief moment.
Ladies, if you don't know, like,
you don't get the pass until you are
an exclusive relationship and have been dating a person
for many months, all right?
Like, to go and coach him and teach him
and tell him all the things that they're doing wrong.
Ladies, I don't even have the pass to sit there
all the time and tell my husband all the things
that he's doing wrong and what he needs to do differently.
Believe it or not, Jackie has even told me,
Carla, he's not gonna hear it from you.
He needs to hear it from other men.
I'm like, oh.
Like, so I just have to show up and do my best
to be my divine feminine as a wife
and allow my husband to walk through his process.
Okay, it's not our jobs to correct and do all of that.
Like, no, in marriage it's gonna look a little differently.
Yes, like, my husband and I are one,
so it will look differently, but ladies,
y'all are just dating right now.
Like, you don't have to figure it out for them.
You don't have to tell them, you know,
and try to prove them wrong or tell them, like,
I think you're laundering money or whatever.
Like, if this guy really isn't being honest,
just know that God's gonna defend you.
God's gonna show you what you need to see
when you need to see it.
You know, you can kind of just be like,
okay, I'm gonna see where this guy takes it.
I'm not gonna let it shake and stir me up
to a point that I'm not still going out meeting people.
Like, ladies, you all should still be meeting people
unless you are in an exclusive level three,
which many of you should probably not be in level threes.
All right, some of you are jumping into level threes
and maybe are even rushing into those level threes too soon.
There are a few that are, okay,
but most of the time in phase two,
we don't typically see women
jumping into exclusive relationships in level three,
unless they've been here for many months
and they've done a lot of hard work and things like that,
and we've seen proper pacing and things like that.
There's a couple exceptions to those rules,
but ladies, like right now,
you are just dating and getting to know people.
Okay, so Jen, you asked, like,
how soon is too soon to be exclusive?
I honestly think you need to at least have been dating.
someone a month to two, maybe even three months before that exclusive conversation happens.
I'm not saying that will be the case every single time, okay? But we are not worried so much about
um here let me let me say it this way. We're more concerned about where your heart is
entering level three exclusive relationship than more of the timing, okay? Time is important like
I know like again I know this might sound contradictory from what I talked about before
where the process and time that is important but again whatever God wants to do it's going to be
more about a it's the heart thing that we're looking at, okay? I hope that answers your
question Jen that I would say if we have to put a time frame on it I would say at least a month
of getting to know somebody and I would even say you really want a lot of God confirmation on it
and I'm talking about like unexplainable God confirmation not confirmation that you're going
out trying to seek and and do and make the confirmation yourself because people will do
that too. Oh this is a sign and this is a sign and this is a sign God is telling me all these
things no ladies it will be a supernatural confirmation like out of the blue random type
stuff like that's how God can come and show that confirmation, okay? All right Leslie you are up next
how are you? I'm okay um I feel like I've done everything wrong this last week
I went on three dates with three different guys and I um one was just kind of a dud and didn't go
anywhere but the first guy like not interested and moved on but I'm I'm noticing that I'm
attracting I don't know if I'm attracting an anxious attachment style or or what but I'm
it's just like these guys I don't know if I'm putting off a vibe but they just move
they just want to move so fast with me and um so I did get into some deeper conversations
with a guy that I went out with on Wednesday night um he was driving home from the date he
drove like an hour and a half didn't really want me to have to meet in the middle he said I'll come
you know most of the way out to you which was really sweet he's like a super great guy very
sweet um but then we ended up talking the whole way when he was driving home um and not because
I was like oh let me make sure you stay awake but just like we were enjoying each other's whatever
time and just going like way too deep in the conversation and then I had already scheduled
a date for Friday night um before he and I had even gone out on Wednesday okay with a different
guy um so and then I didn't know what to do because I was like do I tell him I'm going on a date do I
not tell him I'm going on a date so I didn't tell him I went on a date good good yeah I went on a
date we ended up talking that night and he was like did you go on a date tonight because he asked
me if I would go out with him Friday and I said I I had plans but I wasn't specific so I think he
kind of knew and I wasn't hiding anything I wasn't like oh I'm gonna lie about it but but he was like
he's like I I think you should be dating other guys that's totally fine but like I think you
should have told me he's like we we've kind of gone deep like in our conversations and it just
threw me off and so I'm in this place now where I'm like that's fair um and now I just feel like
I'm too fine with this guy to be like oh I'm dating other guys again and then I'm not sure if
I like him and so I'm just but now I feel like there's so much pressure on it like I have to
make a decision if I want to be with him or not before I move on this is when it's just like
having the open and honest conversations and this is where you know you put up boundaries and you
you share where you're at and you're honest about it and then how the men respond to it that's on
them okay I think again as long as you're coming with care and consideration like look like I am
enjoying my time with you you're right we did have some deep conversations um you know and if
if my inviting or allowing the opportunity for deep conversations um made you feel like we had
you know a deeper connection than you know us like getting to know each other like that was
not my intention um I am dating people right now because I'm trying to learn more about myself and
more other people and what I'm looking for um I'm open to having a long-term relationship when
I've gotten to know the person and I mean again it's just about being completely real honest
vulnerable considerate being true to yourself
You know again, it's to me. It's always about
How are you going to approach the conversation? What is your what is your heart posture with it?
And I I don't think that you did anything wrong
Like I do want to address this ladies when you ladies think I did everything wrong
I didn't follow what last year single tells me to do and I've done it wrong
Ladies, you cannot do it wrong
Okay
God is going to use every single one of these situations to help grow you and stretch you
And give you new information
so I think this is just again like
you're I I
I deep dived with my husband in our conversations and I'm like, oh I shouldn't I mean
I remember being like kind of guarded when he wanted to do that and you know
We did we had some really he shared with me a lot of stuff that I'm like, whoa
but again, like if this guy is sharing bits and pieces of him that are really deep and
intimate
That's on him
like my husband shared some really
Personal things with me and if we decided to part ways
He couldn't get upset with me when he's the one that shared it with me
So
Absolutely
Like did you have a conversation with because like when you're saying two to three months to be exclusive
I feel like I'm gonna like freak out like I feel like the date zone for that long
Well, like I feel like I'm cheating on somebody like and I mean, I don't have the best boundaries. So that's like
Okay, so, you know that you were dating other guys is like my question like okay, I started getting deeper I guess
So this is this is that process ladies?
So again, you are getting to know and dating other guys in the early stages of level two
Okay
That's like I'm talking two or three dates
You're dating other people once you start hitting
Level two because again, you're dating other people
Level two because again, you're still level two. You're not exclusive when you start hitting
dates five
Six, okay by then you're probably further into a month almost two months, right?
You don't have to be dating people
Still other people
Okay, i'm talking about
You're getting to know people in that first beginning stages
You've only been on two three, maybe four dates with someone which means you're still also open to dating other people
As you move through phase not phase as you move through level two
It's going to grow and so I think that's maybe where the misconception is
So i'm i'm really glad that you asked this question because maybe that's where we need to get more clarity
Is in the levels of dating?
Okay, we got the level one in community level two. Is that getting to know you?
Stage this is going to typically be
a longer
Stage of dating because you're getting to know someone in the beginning. So we're going to say level two a
Okay, those are the first
Two three, maybe four dates
Where you're still also getting to know other people
Once you've decided to invest more than four to five dates in a person chances are
You see something in them and you want to continue to see can this grow into level three?
Level three is that exclusive
Relationship that you really want the men to lead that some men
Will want to jump into that level three conversation very very quickly
Especially marriage-minded men will okay
Not a bad thing, but sometimes it's you you have to be cautious of it
Okay
My husband was like that
My husband rushed the level three
very quickly
Not that it was a bad thing
But now in marriage I can start seeing
He really did mean
Really want to be married because he had two children. He needed help taking care of obviously he loves me very deeply. Okay
So he he wanted to have that level three very quickly again. I was in community here
so
Jackie
Bethany
My like sisters in this community. They were
like
my guards
I was very open to them about the the pace and the process of this relationship
So when yellow flags came up, they helped guide me through
that okay and so that's important so again going back to you have the 2a those are the beginning
stages you're really just getting to know someone you probably have only known them for no more than
four weeks if you've been on two or three dates two or three dates is really about a month of
dating okay like when when alessandra said she went out with the same guy like on like three
times in one week that's like exactly where i'm at like this this same guy like we're going out
again tomorrow so that's three dates in one week so that's too much you're saying essentially like
that's what i'm saying because you see how like some of those attachments start coming
and then things start feeling rushed the anxiety starts surfacing whether it's in you or whether
it's in the guy where all of a sudden it's like you got to put a you got to put a label on it
well i'm not sure i want to put on a label on it yet because i've only known you for a week
i don't and he's like texting you i mean like this guy's like sends me audios and videos and
texts like 15 times a day and i'm like so do i just like wait longer to respond like just give
it a couple hours i really i really enjoy getting to know you i mean again i say this because
my husband did it too and i mean i just got to a point where i'm like
hey i want to respond to you i'm gonna have to wait to respond to you tomorrow i have a lot going on
um he also would want to deep dive questions and i would just give like short little snippets
i wouldn't go into the detail then i would try to redirect to more light-hearted
kind of question you know i mean again ladies there is no hard rules about this dating process
and i know that can be really frustrating and confusing for you ladies that were like me
and needed a checklist to check everything off and i needed rules to follow um again we're looking
at the heart and what's stirring up in you and that's that's where i like that's where i want
to spend time and focus on is let's get through there because here's the thing ladies if the man
is your spirit mate he is going to have grace on you like he will give you the grace and space
he will respect the boundaries so again if you have an open honest conversation of like
you know i really enjoy getting to know you i am sensing that we have you know are rushing through
this process and you know i don't want it to stop but i need it to slow down do you think we can
take a moment to slow down yes i'm dating other people but i'm not opposed to after getting to
know you a little bit if this is you know we want to explore that then let's have the conversation
on a light on a later day i mean ladies be real with these men this is part of the dating process
this is part of the growing and learning that god's putting you ladies in is because believe
it or not you're going to have to communicate with your husbands and i can attest to you
sometimes i have to have really hard conversations with my husband and i sometimes struggle with it
i still sometimes struggle with having honest conversations with him because i get fearful
i don't want him to think that i don't love him but i have to have a hard conversation with him
or that my feelings and my emotions are going to be too much for him to handle because
he was in a really toxic marriage before with a woman who had a lot of mental health issues
and so i'm like oh my gosh is my husband going to think i'm a mental case like
you know i you know it communication is so important and it will be uncomfortable when
we're not used to having to have those honest conversations with someone when you don't really
know who they are yet i mean like i said i know my husband pretty well like obviously we're married
but i still sometimes get reserved and unsure but i have to sometimes be really uncomfortable and
just be like look i'm not trying to be hurtful to you but this is what happened and this is
really hurtful to me and this is what i need this is what i'm feeling and you know my husband comes
in with a lot of love all right he doesn't always sometimes he gets offended by things i say and
you know we work through that but this is that process of just having conversations so
i don't want you ladies to think that you're doing anything wrong
that's why it's important that you come here and we talk through these things okay
okay
so good
Is there anything else, like did that help clear things up
with like, you know, dating with my husband,
it was like, I'm in level two dating with him,
but you know, we're still getting to know,
like there was no, like, are you dating other people,
all that kind of stuff.
I mean, and at the time, like, I told my husband
I didn't want to kiss him on the first date.
He was ready to go for it.
And I'm like, no, I need to save that for someone
that I'm in a committed relationship with
because I'm not trying to kiss a bunch of different people.
I mean, that's what I told him.
I wasn't, I wasn't out dating anybody,
but I mean, I let him know, like, I'm not gonna kiss you
because I am not committed to you
because there's always opportunity of other people
that I might date, you might be dating someone.
I didn't have to come out and say that,
but he just respected it.
And it's like, okay, cool.
Like, I'll respect that.
You take your time.
And even when we did decide to be
in a committed relationship,
he didn't assume that I was ready to kiss him.
He's like, you let me know when you're comfortable.
Okay.
Do you feel like you're gonna be able
to have a good conversation with this guy and say,
hey, like, do you feel like you know
kind of what direction you want to take it?
I'm so bad at this.
I feel like I'm in too deep with this guy
and I feel like-
Well, can I ask you,
what were some of the deep conversations that you had?
Let's just, let's throw it out on the table.
Oh, like we talked about like previous relationships.
Like he told me he's never been in love before.
I don't know, like some pretty deep things.
We did talk a little bit about like sexual things,
which that obviously isn't great,
but like on our first date, he kissed me,
like totally just like a peck on the lips.
And it wasn't sexual like at all.
Well, we kind of both talked about like,
maybe we avoid being vulnerable in other ways.
So we move too fast in that category,
which I don't think that was a bad conversation,
just like about each other.
But at the same time, it's like,
we probably should have been having that conversation.
I'm like, why are we having that conversation already?
Because there was like a fear in me of like this happening
or so I don't know.
Can you, I mean, here's the thing,
like what fruit do you see in him?
What's the goal?
Do you like spending time with him?
Do you want to continue to get to know him?
Yeah, like I feel neutral about it.
Like I feel like, I think the weird thing is like,
now I feel pressure not to date anybody else,
but I want to be dating other people.
And so that's where I feel frustrated with myself.
Like, no, I should have kept that boundary and I didn't.
Well, here's the thing.
I think that's what you go and you share with him.
Like, look, like I've enjoyed getting to know you.
I think we both agree that maybe we pressed
on some of the boundary things of having deep conversation
and be honest to him and say,
I want to continue to get to know you.
I don't know where I'm at.
I need a little more time.
However, I'm feeling pressure because I don't want you
to think that I'm not being honest with you.
I mean, just tell him exactly what you're telling us.
Like, I feel pressured and I don't want to feel that way.
I want to still get to know you.
I don't know what that looks like for you.
Help me understand.
Are you going to be okay if I need a little time
to decide whether or not I'm all in or not?
Like, and then throw out there like, hey, you know,
it wasn't a bad thing that you kissed me.
I just think that's a boundary for me
that I can't have physical contact
with someone I'm not in a committed relationship with yet.
Cause it blurs my lines.
It blurs my vision of what, and my clarity.
Just say, I'm trying to make good, healthy decisions
in a relationship because it's important to me
because I am looking to date someone
that I will eventually spend my life with.
I mean, ladies, when these types of situations happen
and you find these stuff,
it doesn't mean that you avoid
these conversations with men, okay?
Obviously we're going to coach you ladies,
like try to stretch these types of things out
so that we're not rushing in too soon to that.
But ladies, we understand it happens.
So I don't want any of you ladies feeling like
you can't come to us and say,
oh wow, I feel like I did something wrong.
Again, you haven't done anything wrong.
it would be harmful to you if you didn't share with us what's happening because now we can help
you coach yourself through that. So it's okay that you found yourself in this spot. It's allowing you
now to work on your communication skills and your boundary setting and being confident and being
able to communicate what your needs are. Ladies, men are going to need to know what your needs are
and men want to meet those needs. Masculine men will want to meet your needs because it is their
divine masculinity to provide and protect you and cover you and that is not just a financial
like provision but it is all-encompassing. It is okay when you find yourselves in these
situations to be vulnerable with them and say, look, this is where we're at. This is where I'm at.
This is what I'm feeling. This is what I need. I'm feeling pressured and I need the pressure to be
off. I want to get to know you. I've enjoyed my time with you. I'm not sure where this goes.
I want to continue to get to know you to see if it can go into something but I can't if I feel
pressured. I had to have this same conversation with a guy I dated a year before my husband.
He was ready and I wasn't and I told him a couple times I needed him to pump the breaks
and I just didn't feel like, I never felt like he was satisfied until
I confirmed that we were together and I was just like, I wasn't comfortable saying that yet
and I had to communicate that to him and it was really, it was hard. Ladies, it was so hard
but I will tell you it grew me. It showed me that I had a voice and I could be confident
and I could be empowered to share what it was that my needs were
and I could trust that God would take care of it. That if I messed it up, God was going to go
ahead and come in and fix whatever I could have possibly messed up but I wasn't going to have to
put my hands on it because he was going to supernaturally take care of it. Do you have
some confidence to feel like you can go in and approach this guy and just let him know?
Good. Keep us posted. I want to know when you have the conversation and how it goes
and then I want to know how you're feeling after
so that if anything else is still stirring up after the fact, we've got you. We're here to
support you. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. Hey Melissa. I got Melissa, then I got Perla and then
Anja. Anja, I'm so glad you jumped on. I know we wanted to chat. I messaged you so I hope we can
get to you. Melissa, tell us what's going on. What's your situation? Hey Carla. I'm almost
finished phase two. I only have like half of the video to watch so I haven't moved on to phase
three yet because I haven't finished that video. Sorry, I'm sick but what my question or my
conversation is, so the guy that I've been going on dates with, we actually had our seventh date
on Sunday. So it's been like a month and a half that we've been spending time together.
So when we were ending our date, he's like, oh can I ask you a question?
For some reason in my head, I thought that he was going to ask me why I wouldn't kiss him
and I was like sure but instead he asked me the question again that he'd already asked me before
which was on date two about being his girlfriend and I don't know why but I just said yes and then
as soon as I said it, I was thinking why did I say this but the reason I was so worried about it was
because I thought that we were supposed to definitely not go exclusive until three months.
I thought but there's no reason why I wouldn't want to continue to get to know him. I haven't even
like everything I'm finding out has been good. Like I don't have any issues
but sorry. You're good. No, I feel like I am being a little avoidant so.
Well, okay, so then we can unpack that as well.
So I, again, there's no hard rules here, okay?
So you've had, you know, good progress and dates with him and, you know, I love that,
you know, after like he asked on the second date and then he gave it even five dates to
ask you again, he sees gold in you and that's good, you know?
And so I like that he asked you again and, you know, just shows his intentionality 100%.
But ladies, remember just because you say yes to being exclusive doesn't mean that you're
saying yes to marriage.
So it's okay that if the pacing is there, you've spent some time getting to know them,
you know, you've at least gotten through a month or so and pacing yourself well and
you're seeing some good things, it's okay to go exclusive.
We're not saying no, you have to tell every guy, no, I'm not allowed to be exclusive until
I've known you for three months.
We're not trying to give you these hard, hard rules.
So spend this time, like you are now just focusing your time and attention on this guy
to see, okay, does this have potential to grow into engagement and marriage?
You'll sometimes, ladies, you'll sit in this level three for a while and just because you
get into a level three with someone doesn't mean you necessarily know whether or not you
want to be married to them.
It just means I am going to focus my time and attention on getting to know this one
person to see if as we continue to grow and know each other and we'll see if it goes that
way.
Yeah.
I mean, when he, after I said, sure, he said he was really happy about that and he said
that he wanted to ask me again because to him, things continue to go well every time
that we were together.
So where is your hesitation?
So you're saying that you're being a little more avoidant, so unpack that a little bit.
Like where is that hesitation?
The day before he asked me this, I was at a women's conference with some of my family
and I was talking to my cousin because she gives me a lot of good advice.
And when I was speaking with her, she understands about the program.
I've explained like how we do, actually she gives me similar advice than what, like the
same things you guys were saying, but, um, it got so good with that, but I told her that
day that I already felt like there was some revealing for heart and for healing for me
that was going on at that point because I was having a little bit of hesitation, but
it had nothing to do with him because I couldn't find anything wrong.
That would be a reason for me not to continue.
So I've just been sick and I wanted to kind of sit with the Lord and try to find out what
that was, but I haven't had an opportunity because of not feeling well.
I'm saying like, even though you're in this level three now, I mean, it doesn't mean that
you're not going to still, again, ladies, you're going to still continue to do heartwork.
I'm married and I'm still doing heartwork, you know, doing heartwork more now than ever
probably.
Um, and so, yeah, just, I would, again, when those it's really important ladies that as
you're getting into dating, do not ignore the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions that
start coming to surface.
Yeah.
So, and then again, it's, it's going through that heartwork tool, like the toolkit.
Okay.
Where, what am I believing?
Where's, you know, what am I aligning with?
Is it causing fear?
What fear is it?
It's causing anxiety.
What is it?
And is that your truth Lord?
Right.
And, and, and walking through that.
So as I felt like the Lord showed me some, I lost, I was married, got married in 2005
and, um, and in June, in June, it will be three years since I've totally been away from
him.
Okay.
So, um, but it was a very abusive relationship, um, narcissists, you know, emotional, mental,
um, basically controlled, trying not to get me to go to see my family, my friends, you
know, all that stuff.
So I know that this guy Doug that I'm seeing is, does not have any of those personality
traits.
He's not, he's not, he gives.
me time, he doesn't blow my phone up or anything like that, but I was feeling that I still
need some healing from what was going on there and that God even showed me it's not just
my ex-husband because a Christian guy that I dated before I married my ex-husband, God
has been showing me that I did not react well and give that guy a chance as well. So there's
some things that I need to heal. I just am not sure what it is. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah. Again, I would just spend some time with the Lord and just again, and keep us
informed as you spend time with God what kind of stuff is coming to surface. You just need
to probably spend some quiet time to really kind of see what that is. And again, I really
want to preface like, what is it that you are believing? What's the belief that's coming
with that? So is it, and I'm just going to just out off the wall, like, is it a, I can't
be confident in who I choose because I can't choose men well because I have this past history
with people and, you know, or I, I, does that kind of make sense? Like, I don't know
what that, that lie or that, that true, that belief that you're believing is what, what
is it that's coming to surface? Like for me, oftentimes, like mine is always linked to
my worth. Like mine oftentimes was that I didn't feel worthy enough.
Yeah. Well, that's what my cousin actually thought that she was hearing from me when
I was talking to her. So, and that some of it could be linked to your worth. Yeah. I
mean, I even felt that not just in my romantic relationships, but when I was growing up,
I like my dad was the only child that was not a Christian. And I always felt like that
I was treated differently, but yeah, we don't think that I was, but that's what I thought
in my head. Like that I didn't fit in with my whole family. So it's not, it's not even
romantic relationships. And like right now I feel like my grandmother was even being,
she heard that I was dating and she's like, Oh, you need to take, you need to go talk
to your pastor to make sure it's okay for you to be dating this guy. And I'm thinking
I am 51. I don't need to go talk to my pastor right now. And I was like, I have a women,
a community of women and coaches. So grandma made me feel like she was basically saying
that I can't pick a good man, even, even though I know she just cares.
Like family could also, they're just coming from a place of protection too. And again,
like, yeah, again, I see if anything, this is just, again, it giving you the opportunity
to have something surface of, of your worth, you know, like you are worthy. What does God
say about you? Go look up scripture about what does God say about you as his daughter?
Yeah. I mean, I know what the program, like this dating with this dog has been the best
dating I've ever had because actually like, like Jackie said about restoring your youth,
I didn't, I didn't really have the childhood I wanted to have, but when I go on dates with
him, I, I feel free to be myself and I feel like I am doing things I would have done when I was a,
when I was younger, when I was a teenager. I do feel that during our dates that our youth,
that my youth is being restored and then I'm getting those things. So I do see the,
I do see the growth. Sorry, that's my dog. That makes me feel better. Cause I wasn't
sure if I had to read Nick and like tell him I, no, no, again, cause again, ladies, when you get
into that level three, you know, you're still in that, you know, you're still in the process
of getting to know somebody in level three ladies I'm married and I'm still getting to know my
husband. Like my husband always says, he's like, babe, we have a whole lifetime to know each other,
to get to know each other. He's like, we're, I mean, his whole thing is I want to continue to
keep learning about you every single day until the day we die. Yeah. Like you really do. Like,
and so even when you're in level three, it doesn't have to, you don't have to mean like,
oh my gosh, like I made a mistake. I wasn't supposed to do this. No, you're just growing
and learning. Okay. All right. And you'll continue to keep going in that trajectory and you grow and
you'll learn some more about each other and you you'll see, you know, is this, is this,
do we want marriage? Do we want to go down that road? You know, ladies, it can take many,
many months till you're, you're having those conversations. Okay. It might not.
You never know, but you're in that process.
So I think, again, it's just reminding you ladies
that level two, level three, it's all, it's a process.
And there's no hard rules about it, okay?
The only rule I would really love for you ladies to do
is just to make sure that you come here
and you keep us updated so that we can check you
before we wreck you, before you wreck you.
All right, so just showing up and let us know,
okay, I've had seven dates, this is what happened,
and you're enjoying the process,
you're enjoying getting to know him.
I say it's green flags, and then as you continue to grow,
I mean, who knows where it's gonna go,
but we're here for you.
All right, thanks Carla.
I'm gonna do the word thing.
Sorry, I'm losing, I'm having trouble talking, but.
Oh, you're good, you're good.
All right, well, I'm gonna move on to Perla,
but you keep us posted.
Okay?
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Hey girl, how are you?
Hey Carla, I'm good.
Yeah, so this one's a little bit weird.
I love these.
Another one.
No, so I've been on a couple of dates last week,
and then, okay, I don't even know where to start with this.
Okay, so Sunday, I went to church up here.
God was like, go to this church, visit this church.
Okay, so I went, and this guy and his dad
sat in front of me at church, really cute guy.
I was like, ooh, okay.
So yeah, the dad turned around after service
and like talked to me for a few minutes,
and he turns to his son and he's like, I love her.
Basically nudging him, you know?
Like make moves, son.
Exactly.
And so I was like, thank you, you know?
But then he walks away.
Anyway, so the guy asks for my number
like in a roundabout way.
He's like, oh, well, you're new to this church, blah, blah,
blah, I'd love to have coffee with you, et cetera.
I got my number.
So this Sunday, because I'd already gone to the church,
I didn't go to church with him,
but like we said we were gonna get brunch after church.
And so we did.
But Carla, I'm not sure how to even word this.
Like I'm getting the vibe that maybe he might like men,
and I don't know how to like properly bring it up or yeah.
I don't think you can.
No, I'm not gonna ask the question,
but like, I'm like, you're great.
But like in a, you know, I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, that's what I'm saying.
So, I mean, is he initiating a lot of things or?
Yeah, he texts me and he like, it sounds like it's,
he's sweet, he's super sweet.
And like our conversation was really good,
I just, yeah, I don't know.
I get like some mannerisms.
I was like, oh, wait, is this like,
are we on a girl date or like?
Oh, give me an example.
Okay, because ladies, what I will say,
there are some men out there that are heterosexual,
but they are just, they have like feminine tendencies.
Okay.
I mean, I don't, I mean, yeah.
Like there is such a thing as metrosexual,
like where you're like, man, like you're attractive,
like you're put together, but there are certain things,
like, again, and we don't know,
like, again, you've only known him for a week,
you don't have all these details.
I think this is where, again, it's like you allow him
to initiate and do the pacing part of it
and seeing where it goes and just reciprocate,
but you're still getting out,
you're getting to know people, you're dating,
you're not tying yourself just to one person.
And I would just, but yeah, I'm curious,
like what are some of the things that you are seeing
that you're like, hmm, he might like men?
It's more of like a mannerisms, like you said.
And I mean, I grew up in West Hollywood,
so it's kind of like, I've got like the gaydar,
or that's what we call it over here.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, where are you at right now in California?
It could be off right now, so in West Hollywood area.
Okay, so you're in, like you're in LA.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're gonna have, I mean.
It's a mix, so that's why I'm like, I don't.
Like, I wouldn't say.
it like that he does like men because I really sometimes wonder if like it's just the culture
right yeah so that's why I hope so initiate things and see um because again you you can't
bring it up I know I know maybe I should yeah I don't know I've been trying to think of like
creative ways but yeah okay I'll just let it happen like talk about like designers and nail
polish and like um like certain culture things yeah eating habits like okay like so eating
habits is just eating healthy or yeah but like yeah oh I just feel like I'm with my girlfriend
question I will say I like this this is fun um yeah I hope he's not let's just yeah that's where
I'm at let's just give it some time again if you I mean if y'all are in LA I mean I've only been
to LA like briefly and like San Diego and and things of that nature and um I don't spend a
whole lot of time out in California um and when I do like we're up in like wine country and stuff
like that I don't feel you know but safe zone yeah it's a little bit safer you know my husband
likes the safe zone of California um but yeah I think because of the you know where you're
geographically located and that's the kind of the men that are like that's that's being projected
out there you know and so yeah there are men out there that are just a little bit more you know
into fashion and health and wellness and looking away I mean which I like that yeah and they have
to deal with that too like it's not just women nowadays men have to to deal with the the
projection of like what they look like as well and how they dress and and things of that nature
especially when you're living in that kind of culture so I would just don't bring it up
I won't not yet anyway and just you know let him initiate to show that you know where you can see
if he's interested if he's showing interested interest he is asking you out he is doing those
types of things and those that's what you want to see um you know and then just kind of be on
the lookout if there's things that he says or does or whatever you know because again you never
we don't want to assume when we don't really know somebody
totally and I do want like he's he would make an amazing friend I'm like
and it is you want to marry your best friends but you don't want to wear your best friend that
isn't interested in you at that right yes so thank you thanks for your impact
posted on this one um for sure I will thank you Carla you're welcome all right Anja how are you
I'm so glad you got to pop on so ladies like I and I want I'm so glad you came on because ladies
this is what I'm I'm going to preface this is what proper pacing looks like okay so we're
not rushing into needing to know all the things right away and just allowing it to gradually form
and getting to know someone and now we're in this stage where it's like okay I spent time getting
to know this person when's it okay to get into some of those deeper questions this is when like
you can start unraveling that so we're not saying a hard no you're not supposed to ask
deep questions we just want you to spend some time at least a couple weeks to a month even
at least three maybe four dates of getting to know someone before we jump into those deeper
questions which again it's like a little onion it's just you're gonna peel it layer by layer
so Anja can you um give the ladies like a quick brief update yeah so it's Anya just so you know
okay I'm sorry it's okay Ebony still gets my name wrong every week and she laughs about it it's all
good um yeah so um I matched with a guy on Facebook dating um and it's been just I think about four
weeks since we started talking but three weeks that we've been going on dates um we actually
just had a video date yesterday because he's away so that was our fifth date okay and
And yeah, like he, so far is great.
Like, I feel like we have things in common, even, even if it's things, like
I said on that video, um, like he's currently training for a marathon.
I'm not in any shape to run right now, but that's something I've done in the past.
And so like, we're connecting on, we're finding things similar.
Um, he's Catholic.
Um, so that's kind of his roots.
He's really kind of been finding his way back to the Lord.
And I do sense that there's at least a genuine connection with there and a
desire to grow that I think is there even before we met, but he has expressed
that, that has, like, he even said it last night, like it's, um, kind of felt
like that was the Lord going like, Hey, it's time, like get moving forward with
me.
Um, so that's been really neat to see.
Um, we've gone on, um, like we did a video date to start.
Then we've done in-person dates.
He lives an hour away.
Um, so he was being intentional.
Like he wasn't, he was coming to her, not expecting her to come to him.
And then she was also initiating things as well.
Like in a way of like, Hey, I'm going to be up in your area.
Are you free?
And he's like, absolutely.
So she's not saying, oh, I can't do this because he has to pursue me and
initiate because he's already shown that.
So she's, she's doing the reciprocation super well.
And so that's starting to show up.
There's intentionality.
She's not, you know, I love the fact that like, you didn't just put the ax on him
just because he had a Catholic background, but you really allowed yourself time to
see, does he have some fruit?
Does he have a desire to know the Lord?
Okay.
And you didn't have to force it down his throat.
You didn't have to, you know, interrogate him with the questions, but
that it just naturally surfaces.
And so that's what we talk about.
This organic, natural progression of this type of stuff.
And so, you know, you know, now you're kind of like, okay, I'm wanting to see
things and I think you are, I think you're kind of having those authentic
conversations with him where it's starting to surface.
And, you know, you're not focused on, oh, where he was at before and what
his roots are and what his culture.
It's about what's his heart, what direction is he going?
Okay.
Ladies, we want you all to be with men that can spiritually lead you and cover
you, but it may not look the way that you think it's going to look.
And it doesn't mean that just because someone doesn't have this like super
spiritual, religious background, all this prophetic or whatever, that they
can't step into that and be that in a marriage if that's, you know, who, who
God has for you and so, but you are also not being the one to push him there.
I think that's important.
You're not having to force him to naturally just go ahead
and move in that direction.
It looks, it appears from what you share with us, he really does have a desire
and he's open and he's communicating that with you.
And so I think, did you also share that he had, um, he has a part-time job.
Yes.
And so you were a little unsure about that.
Have you gotten any more new information about that?
Yeah.
So some, it was, some of it was in texting the other day.
Um, so he's away for a couple of weeks, so we've just been keeping in touch.
And then he shared a little bit more on the call, not necessarily
related directly to the job, but so, um, he had, it was noticeable from our
first call, like he has a speech impediment and so I was just taken
aback cause I was not expecting it.
Um, but he kind of, he told me this week, like he has that, he has some
balance issues, some motor skills.
Something he's had since birth.
And then he actually did say yesterday on the call, um, he has
Asperger's is what they've said.
Okay.
He's very like, we have had no trouble communicating.
He stumbles over words sometimes, but it's nothing like he's really smart.
Like, Oh yeah.
He's not like in that sense.
It just was like, Oh, I'm this never crossed my mind when it came to dating
Um, but so because of it, I know his mom, he had said was really pushing that he
would get on some government assistance and, um, she's been gone for a number
of years now, but like he did it just before she passed and so he gets some.
government assistance and has this job,
which is in the industry he went to school for.
He did global tourism.
It's just that what that has looked like
is like a hotel in his hometown as a dish.
So it's more just, yeah, I don't know.
He shared a little more in terms of that side of things,
like not necessarily what he wants to do
or where he's heading, but just where he's currently at
is partly because of this.
Okay, so yeah, so now you, I mean, again,
like you guys have dated for what's been
over a month now, right?
Three weeks, almost a month.
Okay, so again, there's proper pacing here.
There's, we're seeing green flags.
So it's not completely
off the wall to have conversations about,
so like, what are your goals and your dreams?
Like, where do you see yourself in five years?
Like those kinds of questions are okay.
And now like, you know, and talk about your passions.
What are things that you're passionate about?
And so sometimes that can happen too.
So I would, you know, again,
just you can start feeling confident and comfortable
that you can start having some of those deeper conversations,
those more in depth, like I want to get to know you more now
on a surface, like not surface level anymore.
Like now I really want to see like, who are you?
What are you about?
What's your drive?
What are you passionate about?
And then sharing what you're passionate about
and seeing how those types of things align.
So you're saying he has not shared any like desires
about where his goals and dreams and aspirations are.
Like, has he not really touched on any of that?
No, not really.
Okay.
Like, I know some of the things he likes,
like they did traveling when they were younger and stuff.
And so he's still like,
he's in Mexico with his dad right now.
He's, you know, done stuff.
He moved to Spain a number of years ago for like a year
just to learn the culture.
Like there's certain things
that I can see he's passionate about.
I just, yeah, he hasn't talked about
how that translates for.
Yeah, so I mean, again, when he's on his, you know,
on this little trip of his, just, you know,
asking like, oh, what kinds of things did you do?
Oh, like, you know,
do you see yourself traveling a lot in the future?
You know, what's that look like?
You know, do you have the ability
to travel frequently now?
You know, just asking those types of questions
surrounded by travel, kind of see.
And again, it's just about that natural flow conversation
that as you start getting to know,
like you can start dig,
like I'm not saying you're digging,
but you can start getting in more detail about things.
You know, having that natural form of communication
of just getting to know each other,
like some of that stuff can surface.
And as long as you're reciprocating back and forth,
being like, oh yeah, you know,
I really, really love traveling myself.
No, I can see myself wanting to do that someday.
Now, of course, you know,
I love to see myself maybe having children one day.
So I can't imagine I'm gonna do a whole lot
of traveling with them.
But if I had the opportunity to, I mean,
all sorts of things.
I mean, I had those conversations with guys when I,
cause I had a child and I'm like, you know,
oh, I would love to homeschool
so I could travel more with my child.
And, you know, and then lo and behold,
like my husband actually was homeschooling his kids
at the time.
And so that was something that connected us.
And we kind of saw that we had some of the same,
similar values and beliefs.
And, you know, when we first got married,
I did homeschool my kids for the first year.
That was a disaster, but we tried it.
And now our kids are in school.
And so life is taking us a completely different way.
But that's like,
you can start having those types of conversations
and just putting those little tidbits in
and those drops in of like, you know, wow,
like, you know, tell me more about you.
Like we've had a lot of these conversations,
but, you know, I'd like to know,
like, what would you like to do in five years?
Where do you see yourself?
Like, you can start asking those questions.
We just don't want you diving into those questions
too early.
Yeah.
Because what can happen
if you start finding out all this information
about these deeper topics,
what it can lead to is this fantasy world
where now you start fantasizing
what life is going to be like with this person.
And I want to fantasize that this is my husband
and this is what it's going to look like.
And then when things don't turn out that way,
you kind of get tore up.
or you don't see red flags because you're looking through a lens of this fantasy because
you got information about someone on a deeper level way too soon or they got information
about you on a deeper level way too soon in those first initial dating conversations.
So that's why I'm saying like good pacing would be, you know, at least a month before
that and at least having three to four dates before we really start seeing where is this
going to lead.
So again, for those of you that might've popped in later, you know, I was talking about the
level two and level threes of relationship that level two has like level two A and level
two B, you know, you're going to have a slow pacing at the beginning of level two, but
it doesn't mean that you'll gradually get into having those deeper conversations because
ladies you can't get to level three exclusivity unless you have some deeper levels of conversation,
but we just don't want you having them too prematurely in dates one, two, three, and
maybe even four, depending on how quickly you're having dates.
Like some people have had like 10 dates in 10 days and it's like, Whoa, hold on.
Like you haven't known this person for two weeks.
Like let's really learn and let's really make sure that our heart is not responding from
a place of brokenness, but it's coming from a place of healed and that we're entering
into relationships in a healthy way and a healed way.
All right.
But please keep us posted.
I'm excited.
Like I'm really excited for you.
Like this has been such an amazing journey to see you walk on.
And I know you would even mention how like you at first weren't sure like seven dates,
like how is that going to happen?
And ladies like super naturally, it just unlocks, you know, ladies, when you show up
and you do the work here in phase one and phase two, it doesn't take long.
Like God can like add his super to your natural, like you really can.
All right, ladies, it has been two hours now.
It's been such a pleasure.
I hope you ladies hopefully got some clarity.
I know sometimes things can be very confusing and frustrating, especially for those of you
that were like me.
And I'm like, I need rules to follow and I need a checklist and I need to know what I'm
doing right and wrong.
And I know it in a perfect world, that would be wonderful, but that's not the way that
it is.
So I hope we've helped enlighten you and given you some clarity and helps you understand
just how important it is just to keep showing up and letting us know what's going on and
that we're here to help you keep a balance and that we've got your back.
All right.
We are the like secret service, if you will, the security team for God and keeping you
protected.
Okay.
All right, ladies, have a wonderful rest of your day and I will see you all next week.