WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:11.620
All right. Welcome, ladies. It's Tuesday, February 25th, and this is your phase two

2
00:00:11.620 --> 00:00:19.400
live check-in here at one o'clock Eastern. Welcome. My name is Carla Johnson. For those

3
00:00:19.400 --> 00:00:24.880
of you that don't know me, I'm one of your coaches here at phase two at last year's single

4
00:00:24.880 --> 00:00:32.960
I'm a success story. I have been with Jackie since the beginning, basically. I joined early.

5
00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:40.160
Well, actually, I joined at the end of September, but then was in the program at the beginning

6
00:00:40.160 --> 00:00:47.960
of October. I did a free session, the free challenge in September. And so I came on board

7
00:00:47.960 --> 00:00:53.200
in October of 2020. And after a couple of years, okay, I don't want to scare any of

8
00:00:53.200 --> 00:01:01.280
you off, but after a couple of years, I did meet my husband. And so we've now been married.

9
00:01:01.280 --> 00:01:10.040
Well, we're coming up tomorrow is actually our two year anniversary of our engagement.

10
00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:18.360
He proposed to me on my 40th birthday. So tomorrow is my birthday. And then we married

11
00:01:18.360 --> 00:01:23.880
in September of 2023. So we've been married a little over a year now, almost a year and

12
00:01:23.880 --> 00:01:32.280
a half, I think. So I've been where you ladies are sitting. Okay. So just know I come from

13
00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:40.320
a place of understanding. And I have probably asked all the questions that you all have

14
00:01:40.320 --> 00:01:48.080
asked. I probably have made all the same decisions that you all have made. I probably, you know,

15
00:01:48.080 --> 00:01:56.520
basically, I've been there. For more or less words, I have been there. Okay. So, so good,

16
00:01:56.520 --> 00:02:03.760
so good for me to be able to pour back into you ladies and, and share my wisdom and knowledge,

17
00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:08.720
as well as all the years of teaching that I have gotten from Jackie. So it's always

18
00:02:08.720 --> 00:02:15.160
just really, really a blessing for me to be here. And oftentimes, especially on the Supernatural

19
00:02:15.160 --> 00:02:20.680
Saturday calls that I always stress you ladies to listen to, you know, she is even speaking

20
00:02:20.680 --> 00:02:28.520
to me even in marriage. So just know that once you ladies do find your husbands, like,

21
00:02:28.520 --> 00:02:35.480
this program continues. So we are launching and really ramping up the married portion

22
00:02:35.480 --> 00:02:44.640
of this community. And so just know, like, you know, we're always here. It's, it's, it's

23
00:02:44.640 --> 00:02:50.120
honestly, this program is such a blessing. So definitely invest yourself into it, show

24
00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:58.000
up, stretch yourself, get uncomfortable, be vulnerable, you know, open up get in community,

25
00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:04.480
it will benefit you tremendously, not just now in your single season, but also, when

26
00:03:04.480 --> 00:03:10.800
you ladies are married, as you often hear Jackie say, and communicate to you, the marriage

27
00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:20.200
is hard too. Okay, so artwork just doesn't disappear. So like I said, it is such a blessing

28
00:03:20.200 --> 00:03:27.360
to be here with you ladies. So thank you for showing up so that I can be here with you.

29
00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:32.600
All right. So again, just a reminder, a few more people popped on which they've got cameras

30
00:03:32.640 --> 00:03:38.520
on. Perfect. Make sure those cameras are on. Please also make sure that you're muted, especially

31
00:03:38.520 --> 00:03:44.880
while we're doing the teaching. Don't unmute and speak out because oftentimes we're trying

32
00:03:44.880 --> 00:03:49.320
to do our best to stay on time. Put things in the chat. If you have a question, raise

33
00:03:49.320 --> 00:03:57.160
your avatar hand, and we will get to you. Okay. Because we do allow, we do our best

34
00:03:57.160 --> 00:04:03.160
to allow at least that last 40 minutes of our call to be literally that time for you

35
00:04:03.160 --> 00:04:10.240
all to ask your questions to us coaches. Okay, so that's not just this session, but even

36
00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:15.720
the eight o'clock session with Ebony. So, which by the way, if you know that you have

37
00:04:15.720 --> 00:04:21.399
a question that you want to get asked, go ahead and put your avatar hand up now. It

38
00:04:21.399 --> 00:04:27.040
just helps me keep an idea of how many questions I've got to answer. And I want to make sure

39
00:04:27.040 --> 00:04:33.800
that I allow enough time at the end of the session. Okay. Also, when you do have questions,

40
00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:38.320
and I will give this reminder when that time is, when we're ready for that portion of our

41
00:04:38.320 --> 00:04:44.720
call today, to keep those questions short, brief, and powerful, and just ask one question.

42
00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:50.040
If you have more than one question, we'll take your second, third, even fourth question

43
00:04:50.040 --> 00:04:54.840
if you have them. But we need to allow all the ladies to ask at least their one question

44
00:04:54.840 --> 00:05:00.000
first, and then we'll come back and get those other ones. Cool.

45
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:15.000
And then if we can't for some whatever reason we can't get to your question or you have to jump off before the end of the call, we can get to you again, post in the community under ask a coach and we will be sure to get to that. Okay.

46
00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:32.000
Also, with those ask the coach questions we do encourage you ladies to respond to each other, but we're going to ask that you don't respond to anyone who has a post under ask a coach.

47
00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:42.000
Okay, I see, you know, a lot of people put things under their wins and they're responding to each other. That's great. We want you to continue to stay engaged in the group by connecting with your sisters.

48
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:46.000
So please, please, please make sure that you do that.

49
00:05:46.000 --> 00:06:05.000
Try to refrain from advice giving. Leave that to us coaches. This is your space to be able to receive. So don't feel like you have to go out and give advice to all the ladies in this community. You are in a season of receiving. Okay, that's the divine feminine spirit is to receive.

50
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:24.000
So, just like I said, refrain from coaching and giving advice to any of those ladies in the community. Let us do that. Make sure that you're staying engaged by making the post coming in and doing those live videos that we ask you to activate. Watch the replays, especially Supernatural Saturday.

51
00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:38.000
Again, I cannot stress enough, and I know Jackie stresses this too. We see the most breakthrough from those women that actively, consistently, and intentionally show up and engage in community.

52
00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:54.000
And the ones that are not just whizzing by phase one and whizzing by phase two and not coming and showing up. We find that oftentimes that people that rush through phase one or rush through phase two or rush through the dating process even.

53
00:06:54.000 --> 00:07:14.000
Some of you ladies like to do that. You're ready to make it official. We find that if you rush through, that's where sometimes we can see that those cracks in the foundation are not solid, and so things can get really, really shaky. So, make sure that you're showing up and staying consistent.

54
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:43.000
Make sure I get through all my housekeeping items here. I think I hit most of them. Make sure that, ladies, when you are making posts and things, whether it's here in our chat, on the Zoom call, or even in our community, try to refrain from linking other websites, speakers, influencers, pastors, ministries, anything like that.

55
00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:55.000
We just don't have the capacity to vet all of those out, and we always want to make sure that what we share here in Last Year Single and in the community aligns with what we teach you here.

56
00:07:55.000 --> 00:08:15.000
Be sure to make sure that you're checking back on your post after a few days or such to see if we've replied to you and responded back to us, or if we responded back to you and respond back to us, because sometimes you may not get a pop-up notification.

57
00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:30.000
I've been recognizing myself that when I am sharing responses to people and they reply back to me, I'm not being notified. So, do your best to make sure that you're going back and checking.

58
00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:53.000
Again, ladies, when you're dating, come and share the details. This is a safe community. This is where you can be vulnerable, and it allows us to kind of help you see any blind spots or any attachment styles that are starting to surface, any anxieties or fears.

59
00:08:54.000 --> 00:09:06.000
We see that in when you're showing up in your post and letting us know what's happening on your dating experiences, or just even in general. So, it helps us coach you better if you show up.

60
00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:22.000
Awesome. Again, remember, ladies, part of coaching in this program is so that you ladies come out, not that you're coming out differently than what you came in. Okay, we're here to grow you in love, and it's going to stretch you.

61
00:09:23.000 --> 00:09:35.000
Jackie often says that there is a process that accompanies the promise, and I say that out of my own wisdom and my own testimony being in this program.

62
00:09:36.000 --> 00:09:52.000
I am not the same person I was when I first entered this program. I'm not the same person I was a year after I had done my heart work and started dating. I was not the same person six months after I was still trying to date.

63
00:09:53.000 --> 00:10:00.000
I'm not the same person that I show up when I met my husband. I'm a different person even now in my marriage, and I'm still dating.

64
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:01.800
and learning to walk through that.

65
00:10:01.800 --> 00:10:05.280
Okay, this program really does help you grow

66
00:10:05.280 --> 00:10:07.440
and stretch and really come into alignment

67
00:10:07.440 --> 00:10:09.540
with what God has for you, okay?

68
00:10:11.720 --> 00:10:15.920
So, I think that's it for housekeeping, all right?

69
00:10:15.920 --> 00:10:19.520
I got that under, I think, 10 minutes, which is awesome.

70
00:10:19.520 --> 00:10:23.480
Okay, anybody here is new to phase two?

71
00:10:25.840 --> 00:10:29.020
Just put your avatar hand up if you're not on camera.

72
00:10:30.200 --> 00:10:31.720
Trying to see, I don't know,

73
00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:34.080
there's a few of you that I may not recognize.

74
00:10:34.080 --> 00:10:36.840
Maybe this is, okay, Collette, okay, yes.

75
00:10:38.280 --> 00:10:39.800
You are new to phase two.

76
00:10:39.800 --> 00:10:43.360
Maybe even if you are new, you're not new to phase two,

77
00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:47.080
but maybe you're new to coming to a live check-in,

78
00:10:47.080 --> 00:10:49.600
or even you come to the eight o'clock usually,

79
00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:52.440
but this is your first time with me at one o'clock.

80
00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:53.680
Katie, you are new as well.

81
00:10:53.680 --> 00:10:54.880
Okay, well, welcome.

82
00:10:54.880 --> 00:10:58.880
I don't think I officially welcomed you new ladies,

83
00:10:58.880 --> 00:11:00.960
so I just wanna make sure I take time to do that.

84
00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:04.120
So, it's good to have you here.

85
00:11:04.120 --> 00:11:06.600
Okay, so curious.

86
00:11:06.600 --> 00:11:09.760
All right, Catherine, you're new to check-in as well.

87
00:11:09.760 --> 00:11:12.040
May, you've been here a while.

88
00:11:12.040 --> 00:11:16.140
May, have you, I don't know if I've seen you in my phase one,

89
00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:20.480
but I'm glad that you're here today.

90
00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:22.460
Oh, thank you, Bernice.

91
00:11:22.460 --> 00:11:24.000
I have to curl my hair sometimes.

92
00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:27.240
It allows me to not wash it for several days.

93
00:11:27.240 --> 00:11:30.120
When it's curled, it's like,

94
00:11:30.120 --> 00:11:32.640
it looks way better if it's not been washed.

95
00:11:32.640 --> 00:11:36.720
So, yes, I think some of y'all get me.

96
00:11:38.840 --> 00:11:40.320
I'm a mama of three now.

97
00:11:40.320 --> 00:11:45.320
It's like way harder to like stay on top of myself sometimes.

98
00:11:46.500 --> 00:11:49.640
All right, well, ladies, I'm gonna pray us in,

99
00:11:49.640 --> 00:11:52.000
and then we're gonna just go ahead and get started.

100
00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:54.560
So, Heavenly Father, I thank you for this time together.

101
00:11:54.560 --> 00:11:56.160
I thank you for the divine appointments

102
00:11:56.160 --> 00:11:57.840
that you have here.

103
00:11:57.840 --> 00:12:00.000
I thank you for your presence

104
00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:01.840
and that you're in this community

105
00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:03.280
and that you're showing up for these ladies

106
00:12:03.280 --> 00:12:05.340
and you're meeting them exactly where they're at, Lord.

107
00:12:05.340 --> 00:12:09.120
And I just thank you for this, the process of growing,

108
00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:12.120
Lord, that we don't just stop the growth process

109
00:12:12.120 --> 00:12:15.360
after phase one and the hard work that it continues to grow.

110
00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:16.900
And I just thank you for that opportunity

111
00:12:16.900 --> 00:12:21.900
that you're constantly calling the gold out in us,

112
00:12:22.120 --> 00:12:25.880
and that your heart is to heal us

113
00:12:25.880 --> 00:12:29.760
and that you understand that we have a desire for marriage

114
00:12:29.760 --> 00:12:30.640
because you placed it there

115
00:12:30.640 --> 00:12:33.400
and it's your plan for our lives.

116
00:12:33.400 --> 00:12:37.520
It's your maturity plan for your sons and daughters.

117
00:12:37.520 --> 00:12:39.520
And so I just thank you for that.

118
00:12:39.520 --> 00:12:41.800
Even when we're in seasons of difficulty,

119
00:12:41.800 --> 00:12:45.880
whether we're single and not getting dates

120
00:12:45.880 --> 00:12:47.160
or single and getting dates,

121
00:12:47.160 --> 00:12:49.540
but that you're just in it with us

122
00:12:49.540 --> 00:12:51.640
and that we have a community here

123
00:12:52.680 --> 00:12:54.480
that can support one another

124
00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:57.240
and just continue to share your wisdom and truth

125
00:12:57.240 --> 00:13:00.760
and helping us just grow and love

126
00:13:00.760 --> 00:13:04.160
and just to teach us and heal us

127
00:13:04.160 --> 00:13:06.360
in ways that we can't even imagine.

128
00:13:06.360 --> 00:13:08.360
So I thank you for this opportunity

129
00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:10.600
and I pray that you bless our time together today.

130
00:13:10.600 --> 00:13:12.880
In Jesus' name, amen.

131
00:13:12.880 --> 00:13:15.480
Okay, curious ladies,

132
00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:18.040
tell me how you're doing with your negativity fast.

133
00:13:18.880 --> 00:13:21.760
So those of you that are new, a few weeks ago,

134
00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:25.000
and you just put it in the chat,

135
00:13:27.120 --> 00:13:29.240
we started you ladies on a negativity fast

136
00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:30.640
a couple of weeks ago.

137
00:13:30.640 --> 00:13:32.880
And so I'm just curious how everyone's doing.

138
00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:35.320
Put it in the chat.

139
00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:37.280
I'll be honest, I'm not great at it.

140
00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:41.800
Negativity is definitely one of those areas

141
00:13:41.800 --> 00:13:43.600
that I struggle with the most.

142
00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.580
And I think we live in this world

143
00:13:45.580 --> 00:13:50.240
and unfortunately sometimes we focus on the negative.

144
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:51.680
The world focuses on the negative

145
00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:55.760
so sometimes it's hard to break out of that habit.

146
00:13:55.760 --> 00:13:58.000
But a couple of weeks ago, Jackie reminded us

147
00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:01.720
on a Supernatural Saturday is to think about our thinking.

148
00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:05.600
And so that is one thing that I do try

149
00:14:05.600 --> 00:14:06.920
to do my best at catching.

150
00:14:06.920 --> 00:14:08.800
I don't do it great, okay.

151
00:14:08.800 --> 00:14:10.720
Sometimes I start noticing, wow man,

152
00:14:10.720 --> 00:14:14.080
I have just a negative mindset about my neighbors,

153
00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:17.800
about my situation with my kids at times

154
00:14:17.800 --> 00:14:19.920
or just things just not happening

155
00:14:19.920 --> 00:14:21.840
the way that I want them to happen.

156
00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.600
And it's really easy to kind of fall in that trap

157
00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:28.120
but it's really important, like Michelle is saying,

158
00:14:28.120 --> 00:14:29.920
to catch yourself.

159
00:14:29.920 --> 00:14:32.320
It's so important that we catch ourselves.

160
00:14:34.000 --> 00:14:39.000
And that's it, like it's okay if we slip,

161
00:14:39.160 --> 00:14:43.080
it's all about can we get back up, okay.

162
00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:46.840
So again, keep posting it in the community,

163
00:14:46.840 --> 00:14:49.000
like how you're doing, what you're struggling with,

164
00:14:49.800 --> 00:14:50.840
hey, I'm struggling with this

165
00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:53.000
but I'm gonna try to stay positive about it.

166
00:14:53.000 --> 00:14:56.680
Like let us know, okay, and share with us.

167
00:14:56.680 --> 00:14:59.000
I think there's one of the women in this community,

168
00:14:59.000 --> 00:14:59.840
she is the...

169
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:06.720
such an amazing job in the all tab and she's asking you ladies like hey how's everybody doing

170
00:15:06.720 --> 00:15:12.240
with it so you know check in with her you know respond or let her know how you're doing okay

171
00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:19.280
build that community and so i'm going to kind of go into that right now as well as um i often tell

172
00:15:19.280 --> 00:15:24.160
you ladies and and you know what maybe i can do it right now go ahead and start throwing up your

173
00:15:24.160 --> 00:15:30.880
email and your phone contact where do you live and i want you ladies to start picking some of

174
00:15:30.880 --> 00:15:37.840
the women that are here in the live right now and connect with them start forming a sisterhood

175
00:15:38.640 --> 00:15:44.320
all right um those of you that have been on my calls before i've shared this like i have so many

176
00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:49.600
friends that i have built over the last five years and they've come from this community many of the

177
00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:57.440
women came to my wedding um were in my wedding like it is so important to link yourself up with

178
00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:03.040
people that are are in this season with you and then they'll stay there like they'll stay in that

179
00:16:03.040 --> 00:16:10.400
season they'll stay in your life with you and so i have a handful of friends that are married now

180
00:16:11.040 --> 00:16:16.240
and so we can still connect and share our experiences in marriage as well some that

181
00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:21.200
are getting engaged others that are still single that we're still able to kind of help and lift

182
00:16:21.200 --> 00:16:26.800
them up as well and check in with them so um connect with each other and community okay i

183
00:16:26.800 --> 00:16:32.560
don't see anybody putting their stuff up so why is that are we just not wanting to to connect what's

184
00:16:32.560 --> 00:16:39.360
going on all right katherine's in charleston south carolina

185
00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:44.480
there we go so ladies grab one of these ladies and connect okay

186
00:16:46.880 --> 00:16:53.120
grab one of them and and get their contact and and just make a con you know to say hey i'm so-and-so

187
00:16:54.160 --> 00:16:59.120
how did how did you find the program like make some small talk right kind of practice or

188
00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:03.520
practice those date date number one question skills right

189
00:17:03.680 --> 00:17:06.319
date number one question skills right

190
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:17.520
all right so i see a few people posted their their contact bernice got her email on there

191
00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:25.680
okay so if you can throw up your contact you don't have to throw up your phone number if

192
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:30.960
you're not comfortable with it um but if you want to throw up an email that's fine

193
00:17:31.520 --> 00:17:37.680
and then reach out okay melissa thank you thank you thank you thank you so pull one of those

194
00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:47.280
contacts okay and start connecting all right as you're doing that ladies i'm gonna go into our

195
00:17:47.280 --> 00:17:55.760
activation for the week um i didn't see a whole lot of people posting about their activations

196
00:17:55.760 --> 00:18:00.960
last week last week i was you know one was the negativity fast so that is an activation that

197
00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:08.880
we're we're continuing um but i did activate you ladies to kind of share watch supernatural

198
00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:14.800
saturday from two weeks ago and share what aha takeaways you had from that supernatural saturday

199
00:18:15.600 --> 00:18:22.080
and even if you're noticing that there is distractions um in your life that's keeping you

200
00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:26.880
from being disciplined with what god is wanting to do in this season for you

201
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:33.200
then to also share that as well i didn't see a whole lot of that i could have missed it um i know

202
00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:38.800
there were a couple but ladies i really want to make sure that you guys are coming and showing

203
00:18:38.800 --> 00:18:45.360
up in community because it is important so this week all right get your pencils out write this

204
00:18:45.360 --> 00:18:49.920
down okay i'm going to activate you a little bit

205
00:18:53.680 --> 00:18:59.680
and i'm going to ask that this week i while you're interacting with all people

206
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:08.800
all people everybody that you come in contact with young old male female anything all people

207
00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:16.960
family members strangers co-workers everything okay for those that are teachers even your

208
00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:23.360
students okay i was given this activation many many years ago when i was teaching um in i was

209
00:19:23.360 --> 00:19:28.240
teaching fourth grade and at first it threw me off i'm like why like how am i going to do this

210
00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:35.360
with my fourth graders um but in all your interactions with all people i want you to find

211
00:19:35.360 --> 00:19:41.680
something that attracts you to them okay and this is not in a weird way ladies like

212
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:48.240
we're not talking about like sexual attraction or anything but just like legit like what

213
00:19:48.240 --> 00:19:57.840
do you see what fruit and gold do you see in people that you interact with every single day

214
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:08.200
and I want you to share what kinds of things attract you to people.

215
00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:12.160
Anybody have any questions?

216
00:20:12.160 --> 00:20:16.360
I'll let you unmute and ask a question if you need to.

217
00:20:19.040 --> 00:20:21.200
We're good on the activation.

218
00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:23.760
We know what we're asked to do.

219
00:20:23.760 --> 00:20:30.000
I love it that you love it.

220
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:33.600
At first, I was very thrown by it when I was given it,

221
00:20:33.600 --> 00:20:35.160
but I will tell you,

222
00:20:35.160 --> 00:20:44.000
it has changed my life in so many ways that I can't even imagine,

223
00:20:44.000 --> 00:20:48.440
and it changed my life once I started dating too.

224
00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:56.440
We're good on that activation.

225
00:20:56.440 --> 00:21:01.400
Continue that negativity fast and continue to keep reaching out to

226
00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:05.880
the ladies in community and getting to know each other.

227
00:21:05.880 --> 00:21:07.920
Those of you that are new,

228
00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:16.720
each week we try to just touch on one little teeny topic from our teachings.

229
00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:20.560
We just dive in a little bit on one of

230
00:21:20.560 --> 00:21:25.360
the teachings that you all will watch through your course of phase 2.

231
00:21:25.360 --> 00:21:27.000
We have the Dating 101,

232
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:28.640
we have Divine Feminine,

233
00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:30.240
we have Online Dating,

234
00:21:30.240 --> 00:21:33.160
and then this week is going to be our Boundaries Week.

235
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:36.040
I'm just going to touch a little bit on boundaries,

236
00:21:36.040 --> 00:21:40.920
and especially boundaries in dating because this is the dating phase.

237
00:21:40.920 --> 00:21:43.880
Doesn't mean that you have to be dating.

238
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:49.480
Some of you want to take time to process and take

239
00:21:49.480 --> 00:21:52.800
in the information before you start getting out there and dating,

240
00:21:52.800 --> 00:21:54.560
and we totally get that.

241
00:21:54.560 --> 00:21:59.200
But we're going to give you a lot of insight when it comes to dating,

242
00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:04.320
whether you're doing it now or you're going to wait a couple of weeks and do it later.

243
00:22:05.760 --> 00:22:09.840
Boundaries, what are boundaries?

244
00:22:09.840 --> 00:22:11.400
That's the big question,

245
00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:13.920
just getting an understanding of what are boundaries.

246
00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:16.920
Jackie's definition is this.

247
00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:19.120
It's simple.

248
00:22:19.120 --> 00:22:22.720
It's who am I and who am I not?

249
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:24.320
What do I want?

250
00:22:24.320 --> 00:22:25.920
What do I not want?

251
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:31.960
What am I willing to do and what am I not willing to do?

252
00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:36.480
Those are the questions that you really need to ask yourself first.

253
00:22:36.480 --> 00:22:38.440
That's what boundaries are.

254
00:22:38.440 --> 00:22:40.840
It's really about who am I?

255
00:22:41.160 --> 00:22:44.360
What do I want and what am I willing to do?

256
00:22:48.120 --> 00:22:51.320
That's going to let me know what I'm willing to invite in,

257
00:22:51.320 --> 00:22:53.240
and if I'm not, then those are those,

258
00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:55.360
okay, I'm not willing to do this.

259
00:22:55.360 --> 00:22:57.600
I'm going to have a boundary there.

260
00:22:57.600 --> 00:23:01.640
This is what I want and this is what I don't want.

261
00:23:01.640 --> 00:23:05.520
So I'm going to guard myself because I don't want this.

262
00:23:05.520 --> 00:23:07.400
And so we put that into practice.

263
00:23:07.400 --> 00:23:11.680
Now, what I will say is this is sometimes

264
00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:14.920
where we can start uncovering some heartwork stuff.

265
00:23:14.920 --> 00:23:17.960
This is why phase one heartwork is important

266
00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:21.200
because it helps us develop really good,

267
00:23:21.200 --> 00:23:23.200
solid foundation of who we are,

268
00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:28.200
what do we want, and what are we willing to do, okay?

269
00:23:28.200 --> 00:23:31.120
So heartwork is always key here.

270
00:23:31.120 --> 00:23:33.560
One of your sisters in community this week,

271
00:23:33.560 --> 00:23:35.920
she's been asking amazing questions.

272
00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:39.360
And one thing I explained to her

273
00:23:39.360 --> 00:23:42.800
is heartwork is the secret sauce.

274
00:23:42.800 --> 00:23:47.800
The supernatural surrender is the secret sauce, okay?

275
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:50.840
That even though you're out of phase one,

276
00:23:50.840 --> 00:23:54.000
it doesn't mean that heartwork goes away, okay?

277
00:23:55.080 --> 00:23:59.280
I'm curious how many of you have taken

278
00:23:59.280 --> 00:24:01.160
the attachment style quiz.

279
00:24:01.160 --> 00:24:03.960
It's under our resource tab in our app.

280
00:24:03.960 --> 00:24:05.400
Raise your avatar hand

281
00:24:05.400 --> 00:24:08.680
if you have taken the attachment style quiz.

282
00:24:09.840 --> 00:24:12.800
Okay, Alessandra has, Colette has, Michelle has,

283
00:24:12.800 --> 00:24:15.680
Catherine has, okay.

284
00:24:16.920 --> 00:24:18.920
So probably about half of you.

285
00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:20.760
Half of you have and half of you haven't.

286
00:24:20.760 --> 00:24:23.520
Okay, put your hands down, okay?

287
00:24:30.040 --> 00:24:31.600
Okay.

288
00:24:31.600 --> 00:24:34.440
Those of you that have, will you put in the chat

289
00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:38.400
what attachment style came up for you?

290
00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:43.320
Those of you that haven't, I want you to do that this week.

291
00:24:43.320 --> 00:24:47.920
It's under the resource tab in the app,

292
00:24:49.440 --> 00:24:51.400
and it's a short little quiz.

293
00:24:51.400 --> 00:24:54.120
Y'all, I went to a lunch today with a, or not today,

294
00:24:54.120 --> 00:24:57.200
lunch this week with a lady from my church.

295
00:24:57.200 --> 00:24:59.000
She actually joined the program.

296
00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:00.720
I talked to her about the program.

297
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.720
And I I mean it literally we were at lunch and I handed her my phone. I said here go take this

298
00:25:05.480 --> 00:25:08.840
And she and she discovered that she was an anxious

299
00:25:09.400 --> 00:25:14.400
Which I I totally I totally saw it because you know, I'm obviously I'm sitting having a conversation

300
00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:20.680
Oh, so yeah, so, you know, I was an anxious attacher. All right, sometimes I still anxiously attach

301
00:25:20.680 --> 00:25:24.400
I still see that come up in me often

302
00:25:25.080 --> 00:25:29.120
And I have to have the awareness and I and at least now I recognize it

303
00:25:29.120 --> 00:25:36.160
So when I recognize I'm in my anxious attachment style, I have to kind of go back and remind myself of my heart work

304
00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:41.080
Okay, cuz believe it or not. I still it shows up even in my marriage. I can get anxious with my husband

305
00:25:41.840 --> 00:25:47.880
And it's you know, it's not just in relations. It's just in how I I operate in general. I just have

306
00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:50.520
I have

307
00:25:50.520 --> 00:25:56.580
Tendencies where I can have the anxious thoughts and so I know I have to go into my heart work when I see that happen

308
00:25:56.780 --> 00:26:03.660
So, yes a lot of you have anxious, okay, there's a couple that have secure that's amazing I will say

309
00:26:04.580 --> 00:26:09.700
Those of you that might be anxious. I don't see any avoidance in here yet. So I don't know

310
00:26:11.020 --> 00:26:13.940
Okay, so yours changes between Melissa changes between

311
00:26:14.540 --> 00:26:19.280
Anxious and avoidance so you might be that the flip-flop the one that's a little bit of both

312
00:26:19.540 --> 00:26:21.820
So that is a thing as well. So I

313
00:26:22.820 --> 00:26:29.020
Will you know just encourage you ladies that if you are an anxious attacher like I was or maybe you show up in Boyden if

314
00:26:29.020 --> 00:26:36.860
You're you know in replay if you know, it's I have found that my husband who is more secure attachment

315
00:26:38.220 --> 00:26:43.780
His secure attachment does help calm my anxious attachment. And so I become more secure

316
00:26:44.300 --> 00:26:46.700
because he has a secure attachment and so

317
00:26:47.460 --> 00:26:49.900
It's just always good to know I

318
00:26:50.300 --> 00:26:55.060
The reason I'm sharing this is because I want you ladies to understand that when we coach you ladies

319
00:26:55.060 --> 00:26:59.740
We take into account these attachment styles when we see those things surfacing in you

320
00:26:59.860 --> 00:27:04.500
So it may sound that like we're giving advice that might sound contradictory

321
00:27:04.940 --> 00:27:11.060
When you hear our coaching but remember that this program again is about balance and supernatural surrender

322
00:27:11.500 --> 00:27:13.500
okay, and

323
00:27:13.500 --> 00:27:18.300
Just because we're coaching somebody who maybe has an anxious attachment style

324
00:27:18.300 --> 00:27:24.380
And we're telling them to you know, coach and advising them to do one thing if you are an avoidant

325
00:27:24.900 --> 00:27:27.020
That advice is not for you

326
00:27:28.060 --> 00:27:31.420
Okay, so it's all about bringing it into a balance

327
00:27:31.420 --> 00:27:36.940
And so I want you ladies to remind yourself that when you're in our app and you're you know

328
00:27:37.020 --> 00:27:38.700
Reading up on your sisters

329
00:27:38.700 --> 00:27:44.500
You know questions and when we're on these coaching calls and women are bringing those questions to us

330
00:27:44.500 --> 00:27:47.900
It is really about balancing that out

331
00:27:48.460 --> 00:27:52.220
So I get I know someone brought up in our community

332
00:27:52.220 --> 00:27:56.500
It's like some of these things sound very contradictory and it's like I get

333
00:27:57.020 --> 00:28:01.740
Why it can sound that way is because everyone's situation is going to be slightly

334
00:28:02.500 --> 00:28:04.660
Different based on how they show up

335
00:28:05.380 --> 00:28:09.300
Okay, so for example, we often share

336
00:28:11.740 --> 00:28:16.980
You know, you want to find men that have the three M's they're mature masculine and marriage minded

337
00:28:17.140 --> 00:28:22.980
Okay, and so we let's let's focus on this marriage minded and you're like, okay great

338
00:28:22.980 --> 00:28:26.820
I need to you know be dating men that are marriage minded

339
00:28:27.060 --> 00:28:31.940
But Carla you tell me I'm not allowed to deep dive and have these, you know

340
00:28:31.980 --> 00:28:39.500
Deep questions and conversations with men that I'm meeting but I'm supposed to like meet a man that's marriage minded

341
00:28:39.500 --> 00:28:41.980
But I don't know if he is and I'm not allowed to ask him. What do I do?

342
00:28:41.980 --> 00:28:46.580
This sounds contradictory, but I think Karen's smiling. She probably is like, yep, that's

343
00:28:47.420 --> 00:28:49.420
Yep

344
00:28:50.740 --> 00:28:56.100
I get it. Hey, so if you're like me, I'm a rule follower

345
00:28:57.100 --> 00:29:03.260
Like I want to follow all the rules just give me the checklist and let me check it off. Okay, I did that

346
00:29:03.260 --> 00:29:08.020
I did that. Okay when I go on a date, I'm not doing this and I'm doing this and so

347
00:29:08.780 --> 00:29:10.540
unfortunately ladies

348
00:29:10.540 --> 00:29:18.980
Dating doesn't work this way. Our Frogan doesn't work. Hey, we're here to give you guardrails to help you keep the balance and

349
00:29:19.780 --> 00:29:22.700
So when yes, I want you ladies

350
00:29:23.460 --> 00:29:26.180
Choosing men that have the three M's

351
00:29:27.500 --> 00:29:31.500
but what you cannot take and you cannot discount is

352
00:29:32.860 --> 00:29:35.020
It's also about timing

353
00:29:35.820 --> 00:29:43.180
You're not going to find out all the things in just one date or two dates or even three dates

354
00:29:44.100 --> 00:29:49.580
It takes time and so for my ladies that want to do the checklist

355
00:29:50.300 --> 00:29:55.300
They want to know that oh, I'm following all the rules I'm doing y'all are starting to go crazy

356
00:29:55.740 --> 00:30:00.020
Like what do I do? What do I do? Like this was me. Okay say it cuz this was

357
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.180
me. I'm like, I'm doing all of the things that it's just not

358
00:30:03.180 --> 00:30:08.660
working. Um, it's because you have to give the process some

359
00:30:08.660 --> 00:30:13.140
time. All right, you cannot discredit that. Yes, we want to

360
00:30:13.140 --> 00:30:18.300
focus on those marriage minded men. But you're in the season of

361
00:30:18.300 --> 00:30:22.560
like getting to know someone right now. And you have to learn

362
00:30:22.560 --> 00:30:27.100
to just supernaturally surrender that that stuff will come to

363
00:30:27.100 --> 00:30:33.620
surface in time. Okay, so I know it can sound like we're being

364
00:30:33.620 --> 00:30:37.780
super contradictory. And we're telling someone like, oh, like

365
00:30:37.780 --> 00:30:41.500
don't deep dive the questions. I coach those ladies that have

366
00:30:41.500 --> 00:30:45.860
the anxious attachment. Do not deep dive. Don't deep dive those

367
00:30:45.860 --> 00:30:48.860
questions because you just want to quickly attach to somebody.

368
00:30:49.140 --> 00:30:51.020
And then you're going to find yourself into some yucky

369
00:30:51.020 --> 00:30:54.300
situation. Okay, so I want some of you ladies to relax. And I

370
00:30:54.300 --> 00:30:58.340
say that because I was the deep diver. Y'all like I was an open

371
00:30:58.340 --> 00:31:01.940
book. And I was like, I wore that like a like a badge of

372
00:31:01.940 --> 00:31:07.020
honor. I have an open book, I am I will share my testimony in my

373
00:31:07.020 --> 00:31:13.220
life with anybody. Like, that was my jam, right. And I ended

374
00:31:13.220 --> 00:31:16.980
up attracting a lot of really unhealthy men because of it. And

375
00:31:16.980 --> 00:31:21.500
so I had to learn how to have some better boundaries there.

376
00:31:21.500 --> 00:31:26.420
And so that's what I want to go into now is, you know, what does

377
00:31:26.420 --> 00:31:30.180
too many boundaries look like? And what does no boundaries look

378
00:31:30.180 --> 00:31:33.540
like and dating because this is a broad spectrum. Okay, we see

379
00:31:33.540 --> 00:31:38.300
sometimes ladies really shift to this side where they have so

380
00:31:38.300 --> 00:31:43.380
many boundaries. And it's rigid. And it's really, really hard to

381
00:31:43.380 --> 00:31:47.220
like, coach them to date because they just want to put an ax on

382
00:31:47.220 --> 00:31:51.540
every single person that they date. Then we have the ladies

383
00:31:51.540 --> 00:31:56.380
that like swing the other way the pendulum. And they're like, I

384
00:31:56.380 --> 00:32:01.100
will love and accept anybody and everybody. And then it's like

385
00:32:01.140 --> 00:32:03.780
they have no boundaries whatsoever. And so we really

386
00:32:03.780 --> 00:32:06.980
want to help you ladies like put that into balance. So yes, we're

387
00:32:06.980 --> 00:32:09.740
sitting here saying don't do this and don't do that. But

388
00:32:09.740 --> 00:32:15.020
remember, balance is key in this situation. Okay, and dating.

389
00:32:15.020 --> 00:32:21.820
Okay, have I lost anybody yet? No, we're good. Okay. I know it

390
00:32:21.820 --> 00:32:25.060
can seem very confusing. So again, when we open the floor for

391
00:32:25.060 --> 00:32:27.740
questions, if you have a certain situation, and you want some more

392
00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:32.220
guidance on that, we are here to help. So what can it look like?

393
00:32:32.980 --> 00:32:37.380
If you have too many boundaries, too many boundaries is equal to

394
00:32:37.420 --> 00:32:43.300
walls. You have the very high walls that a thief is going to

395
00:32:43.340 --> 00:32:48.260
have to scale in order to get to you. Okay. There's just there's

396
00:32:48.260 --> 00:32:52.260
nobody nobody's coming in. Right? There's no one is good

397
00:32:52.260 --> 00:32:56.740
enough. Right? No guy is gonna is gonna measure up. He doesn't

398
00:32:56.740 --> 00:33:02.180
have all the things on your list. Okay? It can it can present

399
00:33:02.180 --> 00:33:06.100
itself that you it will appear that maybe you're a little bit

400
00:33:06.100 --> 00:33:08.700
snobby. I'm not saying you are snobby. But if you have so many

401
00:33:08.700 --> 00:33:13.700
walls up, that's what it can start showing up as. Okay, it's

402
00:33:13.740 --> 00:33:18.500
you might have this mentality of a man has to earn my time. Or he

403
00:33:18.500 --> 00:33:24.580
has to have XYZ in order to be in my graces, right? You may it

404
00:33:24.580 --> 00:33:28.540
may look like you have more never will I ever then you do

405
00:33:28.540 --> 00:33:32.740
non negotiables. You're operating more in a self

406
00:33:32.740 --> 00:33:37.740
protection mode and not God protective mode. Okay, you're

407
00:33:37.740 --> 00:33:42.620
gonna have to understand that this dating process, you're

408
00:33:42.620 --> 00:33:45.620
gonna have to make some deposits, you're gonna have to

409
00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:50.180
open yourself to trust. Okay, we're not saying like fling,

410
00:33:50.340 --> 00:33:53.540
like tear down all the walls like we want you to have a

411
00:33:53.540 --> 00:33:58.620
fence. All right. Another way we describe boundaries in our our

412
00:33:58.620 --> 00:34:03.100
training video with Renee is think of boundaries like a

413
00:34:03.100 --> 00:34:12.739
fence with a gate. Okay. So you those of you that have these

414
00:34:12.739 --> 00:34:17.620
walls built up because and here's the thing is I had them

415
00:34:17.620 --> 00:34:22.100
for a season of my life because I had been hurt so many times in

416
00:34:22.100 --> 00:34:27.500
relationship. And so I was afraid. I had no confidence in

417
00:34:27.500 --> 00:34:31.260
myself that I knew how to date especially when I first came

418
00:34:31.260 --> 00:34:35.139
into the program. God had to show me and empower me to have

419
00:34:35.139 --> 00:34:42.020
confidence in my choices. Like God gives us this wonderful gift

420
00:34:42.020 --> 00:34:47.699
of free will. And so I had to learn that God was giving me

421
00:34:47.739 --> 00:34:53.540
opportunities to step into my free will and to make choices

422
00:34:53.540 --> 00:34:59.420
with confidence and trust and know that he's had me so I

423
00:34:59.420 --> 00:35:00.020
could step

424
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.360
out in faith, okay?

425
00:35:02.360 --> 00:35:04.260
So for those of you that have the walls up,

426
00:35:04.260 --> 00:35:08.040
just know you're gonna have to make some deposits

427
00:35:08.040 --> 00:35:09.440
on some of these dates.

428
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:10.760
I'm not talking like financially

429
00:35:10.760 --> 00:35:12.400
that you should be paying for dates,

430
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:16.160
but I'm talking about making a deposit

431
00:35:16.160 --> 00:35:20.840
of trusting someone with your time, you know?

432
00:35:23.280 --> 00:35:27.160
You know, maybe stretching yourself a little bit

433
00:35:27.160 --> 00:35:32.160
to date someone that maybe you normally wouldn't date, okay?

434
00:35:33.360 --> 00:35:34.760
So now what can it look like

435
00:35:34.760 --> 00:35:36.320
if you have no boundaries whatsoever?

436
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:38.840
So we've had this show up, okay,

437
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:42.200
where that's basically you have no fence,

438
00:35:42.200 --> 00:35:44.800
you have nothing up.

439
00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:48.960
You give everyone the access, okay?

440
00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:52.760
And you feel like you have to give

441
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:55.960
every single person a chance

442
00:35:55.960 --> 00:35:58.000
because you have to be nice.

443
00:35:59.960 --> 00:36:03.820
You wanna give grace to everyone for everything,

444
00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:08.600
but really what that is is you're just enabling, okay?

445
00:36:08.600 --> 00:36:11.520
So again, I'm talking about the extreme.

446
00:36:11.520 --> 00:36:15.960
Now, again, we gotta bring balance to this, okay?

447
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:19.280
We wanna give grace, okay?

448
00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:21.440
Because those of you that have the walls up,

449
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:23.320
y'all are gonna have to give a little grace here

450
00:36:23.320 --> 00:36:24.600
to some of these guys.

451
00:36:24.600 --> 00:36:26.720
Those of you that have no walls,

452
00:36:26.720 --> 00:36:28.840
you're gonna have to put up some boundaries

453
00:36:28.840 --> 00:36:33.840
and say, okay, I don't have to be nice, I can be kind.

454
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:38.240
Jackie has said this so many times over the years,

455
00:36:38.240 --> 00:36:41.280
kind and nice are two different things.

456
00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:43.200
Kind is a fruit of the spirit.

457
00:36:43.200 --> 00:36:45.800
Sometimes, ladies, you are being kind

458
00:36:45.800 --> 00:36:47.600
by blessing and blocking somebody.

459
00:36:49.400 --> 00:36:50.560
Sometimes that's kind.

460
00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:54.240
You just blessing them and blocking them

461
00:36:54.880 --> 00:36:57.760
and not engaging with them, that's you being kind.

462
00:36:57.760 --> 00:37:00.400
You're not gonna allow yourself to get triggered by them.

463
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:01.720
You are just gonna, you know what?

464
00:37:01.720 --> 00:37:04.880
I'm gonna block them and maybe you bless them,

465
00:37:04.880 --> 00:37:05.720
maybe you don't.

466
00:37:05.720 --> 00:37:08.400
I will tell you, there's a couple men that I blocked

467
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:10.160
and I was like, I don't wanna bless them.

468
00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:12.360
That guy was a jerk, okay?

469
00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:17.960
But again, kindness and niceness

470
00:37:17.960 --> 00:37:20.360
are two different things, okay?

471
00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:24.080
If you have no boundaries whatsoever,

472
00:37:24.920 --> 00:37:29.080
you may find yourself that you share too much too quick.

473
00:37:29.080 --> 00:37:32.920
You let people in very, very quickly.

474
00:37:32.920 --> 00:37:35.040
And some of that could be because you're trying

475
00:37:35.040 --> 00:37:37.880
to attach really quickly

476
00:37:37.880 --> 00:37:40.080
because you just wanna quickly get love and attention.

477
00:37:40.080 --> 00:37:43.600
And so again, when you ladies show up

478
00:37:43.600 --> 00:37:46.440
and share with us your dating experiences,

479
00:37:46.440 --> 00:37:50.720
this allows us to see what areas in your heart

480
00:37:50.720 --> 00:37:54.040
that might need some revealing and healing, okay?

481
00:37:55.040 --> 00:37:57.880
Everything always goes back to heartwork, okay?

482
00:37:57.880 --> 00:38:01.240
When you start dating and you see things show up,

483
00:38:01.240 --> 00:38:03.760
it always surfaces back to heartwork.

484
00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:08.920
Also, no boundaries.

485
00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:12.200
Ladies, if you have no boundaries whatsoever,

486
00:38:12.200 --> 00:38:13.840
you could potentially put yourself

487
00:38:13.840 --> 00:38:16.560
in some abusive situations, okay, if you're not careful.

488
00:38:16.560 --> 00:38:18.400
And I'm not saying this to scare you.

489
00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:21.560
I'm saying that this is a reality, you know,

490
00:38:21.640 --> 00:38:26.440
but trust and know when you ladies show up here,

491
00:38:26.440 --> 00:38:29.200
we help you see that,

492
00:38:29.200 --> 00:38:32.480
and we help coach you through that, okay?

493
00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:34.440
We've done it in the past.

494
00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:36.600
I've done it numerous times

495
00:38:36.600 --> 00:38:38.760
where ladies were just not,

496
00:38:38.760 --> 00:38:40.040
they were giving grace

497
00:38:40.040 --> 00:38:44.360
and accepting unacceptable behavior from men,

498
00:38:44.360 --> 00:38:49.320
and the men were showing up in very subtle, abusive ways.

499
00:38:49.320 --> 00:38:52.280
That if we did not help those ladies see that,

500
00:38:52.280 --> 00:38:54.480
they could have gotten themselves into some situations.

501
00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:56.160
And ladies, so I say that

502
00:38:56.160 --> 00:38:59.360
because us here at Last Year Single

503
00:38:59.360 --> 00:39:02.880
are like your security team, okay?

504
00:39:02.880 --> 00:39:07.880
We're like God's like secret service for you, okay?

505
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:10.960
We're gonna help you and help,

506
00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:13.560
we're gonna be part of that protection system, right,

507
00:39:13.560 --> 00:39:14.960
for you, okay?

508
00:39:14.960 --> 00:39:17.240
But just know, like, God's got you.

509
00:39:17.280 --> 00:39:19.960
I can't tell you in my own experience

510
00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:26.440
how many times I was having dates with guys

511
00:39:27.080 --> 00:39:30.600
that I thought, like, this could be potential.

512
00:39:30.600 --> 00:39:33.360
You know, this guy seems pretty okay.

513
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:37.000
And then, like, out of the blue,

514
00:39:38.640 --> 00:39:40.120
something would happen

515
00:39:40.120 --> 00:39:43.760
and they would show their true colors in something,

516
00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:46.400
and I'd be like, oh, whoa.

517
00:39:46.400 --> 00:39:49.840
Like, God let me know what I needed to know

518
00:39:49.840 --> 00:39:51.280
when I needed to know it.

519
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:54.360
He really, really did.

520
00:39:54.360 --> 00:39:57.040
There were times I would just get holy ghosted.

521
00:39:58.720 --> 00:39:59.960
And at first I'd get.

522
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.040
super offended because I felt rejected.

523
00:40:03.040 --> 00:40:04.840
And then again, that was an opportunity

524
00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:06.740
for me to work on my heart work

525
00:40:06.740 --> 00:40:08.360
and realize it wasn't rejection,

526
00:40:08.360 --> 00:40:10.400
it was actually protection.

527
00:40:11.320 --> 00:40:12.600
And it was totally fine.

528
00:40:12.600 --> 00:40:15.180
And I started getting comfortable

529
00:40:15.180 --> 00:40:17.120
and I opened the invitation like,

530
00:40:17.120 --> 00:40:19.680
Lord, just have this man Holy Ghost me

531
00:40:19.680 --> 00:40:23.120
if he's not free from me, you know, from you and for me.

532
00:40:23.120 --> 00:40:25.380
Like, shut the door, all right?

533
00:40:25.380 --> 00:40:27.840
Show me what I need to see and, you know,

534
00:40:27.840 --> 00:40:32.400
you can cut it off if it needs to be cut off, okay?

535
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:37.080
So I hope this helps you ladies kind of get an idea

536
00:40:37.080 --> 00:40:42.080
of this, like, why we coach the way we do

537
00:40:43.280 --> 00:40:45.840
and to hopefully help you ladies understand

538
00:40:45.840 --> 00:40:48.760
that every dating situation,

539
00:40:48.760 --> 00:40:51.160
every single woman in this community,

540
00:40:51.160 --> 00:40:54.720
it's going to look differently for everybody.

541
00:40:54.720 --> 00:40:56.800
And so if things are feeling like

542
00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:58.840
it doesn't make sense or you need clarity,

543
00:40:58.840 --> 00:41:02.480
ask for the clarity and we're here to help you.

544
00:41:02.480 --> 00:41:06.520
But again, just remember a lot of what we put into place

545
00:41:06.520 --> 00:41:09.800
is more of guardrails for you ladies,

546
00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:14.600
so that, you know, you're just, you're dating differently.

547
00:41:14.600 --> 00:41:17.060
And then it's gonna uncover all the things

548
00:41:17.060 --> 00:41:19.320
that God wants to work through your heart.

549
00:41:20.480 --> 00:41:23.200
You know, this is about healing the heart

550
00:41:23.200 --> 00:41:25.160
because the healed, healthy heart

551
00:41:25.160 --> 00:41:26.800
is what is most attractive.

552
00:41:28.020 --> 00:41:32.520
And a handful of you, most of you, I will even say,

553
00:41:32.520 --> 00:41:35.240
are gonna go through some dating experiences

554
00:41:35.240 --> 00:41:38.520
because you have to get some healing first

555
00:41:38.520 --> 00:41:40.140
before the husband comes.

556
00:41:41.740 --> 00:41:42.720
That happened to me,

557
00:41:42.720 --> 00:41:45.600
it happened to a lot of the women in the community.

558
00:41:45.600 --> 00:41:49.560
But it doesn't mean that it has to take forever

559
00:41:49.560 --> 00:41:53.100
when your spirit mate does come, okay?

560
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:57.800
Because I also know that a lot of times women are like,

561
00:41:57.800 --> 00:42:01.320
I mean, because ladies, I didn't get engaged until I was 40.

562
00:42:01.320 --> 00:42:05.800
So I was in this, like, I gotta hurry this up.

563
00:42:05.800 --> 00:42:07.720
Like, my time is running out.

564
00:42:07.720 --> 00:42:10.360
I don't wanna waste my time with all the wrong men.

565
00:42:10.360 --> 00:42:15.360
Ladies, I promise you, if you trust the process,

566
00:42:16.600 --> 00:42:19.960
like, it doesn't have to take that long

567
00:42:19.960 --> 00:42:22.400
when you meet the right person.

568
00:42:22.440 --> 00:42:25.560
I had a conversation with this woman from my church

569
00:42:25.560 --> 00:42:26.780
that joined our community.

570
00:42:26.780 --> 00:42:29.480
So she's gonna be popping in probably in phase one

571
00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:31.140
here in the next couple of weeks.

572
00:42:32.680 --> 00:42:34.280
She was really worried.

573
00:42:34.280 --> 00:42:38.120
She's about to be, she just turned 44.

574
00:42:38.120 --> 00:42:42.560
And she's like, I'm just afraid that my time is gone.

575
00:42:42.560 --> 00:42:45.400
Like, I'm never gonna have this amazing marriage

576
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:47.760
where a man is just gonna love me for who I am

577
00:42:47.760 --> 00:42:51.120
because he hasn't had that many years with me.

578
00:42:51.120 --> 00:42:55.760
And I was like, a man doesn't need decades with you

579
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:58.440
to know that he loves you and cherishes you.

580
00:42:58.440 --> 00:43:01.480
Ladies, like, my husband and I have been together

581
00:43:01.480 --> 00:43:02.620
just a little over two years.

582
00:43:02.620 --> 00:43:05.320
We've been married a little over a year.

583
00:43:05.320 --> 00:43:07.120
And that man loves me

584
00:43:07.120 --> 00:43:09.900
like nobody else has ever loved me before.

585
00:43:12.240 --> 00:43:14.520
And I was 40 when I got married

586
00:43:14.520 --> 00:43:17.280
and I'd never been married before, okay?

587
00:43:17.280 --> 00:43:20.880
So just know, like, God is so truly invested

588
00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:22.360
in your love story.

589
00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:25.340
And when we come and approach it

590
00:43:25.340 --> 00:43:27.340
with our healed, healthy hearts,

591
00:43:27.340 --> 00:43:29.920
like, God can do the unthinkable.

592
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:34.480
So again, I say this because I don't want you ladies

593
00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:37.720
to get hung up or upset or frustrated or triggered

594
00:43:37.720 --> 00:43:40.040
or offended or anything of that nature

595
00:43:40.040 --> 00:43:42.040
when you have to date some guys

596
00:43:42.040 --> 00:43:44.480
that aren't your spirit mate,

597
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:47.840
but they're there to help you grow.

598
00:43:47.840 --> 00:43:51.360
They're there to help pull out and reveal things to you

599
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:53.800
so you can start healing and transforming areas

600
00:43:53.800 --> 00:43:55.280
of your heart.

601
00:43:55.280 --> 00:43:56.240
And that's what we're here for.

602
00:43:56.240 --> 00:44:00.280
We're here to help you in those areas to heal that, okay?

603
00:44:01.640 --> 00:44:04.200
All right, those of you that have questions,

604
00:44:04.200 --> 00:44:06.200
go ahead, let's start putting those questions up.

605
00:44:06.200 --> 00:44:07.520
I'm gonna go through the chat here

606
00:44:07.520 --> 00:44:08.680
and see if I missed anything.

607
00:44:08.680 --> 00:44:10.760
Put your avatar hands up.

608
00:44:11.760 --> 00:44:15.400
Okay, I see all of the attachment styles.

609
00:44:17.640 --> 00:44:19.320
Okay, so Alessandra said she's secure,

610
00:44:19.320 --> 00:44:23.040
but this weekend, some anxiousness is showing up.

611
00:44:23.040 --> 00:44:25.120
So yeah, that can happen too.

612
00:44:25.120 --> 00:44:28.600
Dating will start bringing some of that stuff out.

613
00:44:28.600 --> 00:44:30.880
And ladies, it doesn't have to be a bad thing at all.

614
00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:34.440
Like, this is just sometimes it's where God has to come in

615
00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:35.840
and show us some things,

616
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:39.360
and he's gonna come and help us, you know,

617
00:44:39.680 --> 00:44:41.480
see where we're believing a lie,

618
00:44:41.480 --> 00:44:43.640
and then we're gonna replace it with his truth,

619
00:44:43.640 --> 00:44:46.440
and we're gonna continue to keep walking that out.

620
00:44:46.440 --> 00:44:49.320
So Karen, you're in the process of learning how to balance.

621
00:44:49.320 --> 00:44:51.680
You tend to get into relationships too quickly,

622
00:44:51.680 --> 00:44:53.640
and so you've been practicing boundaries,

623
00:44:53.640 --> 00:44:55.680
but you might be putting up too many walls.

624
00:44:55.680 --> 00:44:57.680
So yeah, again, it's just about balance.

625
00:44:58.840 --> 00:45:00.240
And Amanda, we are so glad.

626
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.940
that you are here, even though it's a busy afternoon.

627
00:45:02.940 --> 00:45:06.980
Okay, so I've got three questions, all right?

628
00:45:06.980 --> 00:45:10.980
And it's about quarter till, so we're good on time.

629
00:45:10.980 --> 00:45:15.540
Ladies, I don't want you to get shy about questions.

630
00:45:15.540 --> 00:45:17.260
If you really have a question,

631
00:45:17.260 --> 00:45:21.600
like I want you to spend the time asking, okay?

632
00:45:23.260 --> 00:45:26.160
All right, so, all right, we got four.

633
00:45:26.160 --> 00:45:28.500
So Perla, she opened up her hands.

634
00:45:28.500 --> 00:45:29.900
Okay, perfect, all right.

635
00:45:30.700 --> 00:45:32.260
Alessandra, remember ladies, short, brief, powerful.

636
00:45:32.260 --> 00:45:34.060
If you have more than one question,

637
00:45:34.060 --> 00:45:36.700
let everyone ask their one question

638
00:45:36.700 --> 00:45:39.180
and then we'll get back to your second, okay?

639
00:45:39.180 --> 00:45:40.280
How are you, Alessandra?

640
00:45:40.280 --> 00:45:44.940
So you have a secure attachment, his name is Tito.

641
00:45:44.940 --> 00:45:45.780
Tito, yes.

642
00:45:45.780 --> 00:45:49.120
And now some anxiety is like starting to surface.

643
00:45:49.120 --> 00:45:53.460
Yes, so Friday, he just makes a random comment

644
00:45:53.460 --> 00:45:56.660
saying we should get married, but not today.

645
00:45:56.660 --> 00:45:58.400
Ha ha, I'm like, okay.

646
00:45:58.420 --> 00:46:01.300
And then he had said he would look for something fun to do

647
00:46:01.300 --> 00:46:03.140
for our date on Saturday.

648
00:46:03.140 --> 00:46:05.600
So Saturday morning, he messaged like, oh, good morning.

649
00:46:05.600 --> 00:46:07.900
And I said, hey, what do you want to do tonight?

650
00:46:07.900 --> 00:46:09.700
And he's like, I just haven't,

651
00:46:09.700 --> 00:46:11.740
I'm just thinking about what to have for breakfast.

652
00:46:11.740 --> 00:46:15.700
So I was like, it's tonight, what do you feel like doing?

653
00:46:15.700 --> 00:46:17.260
So clearly he hadn't made a plan.

654
00:46:17.260 --> 00:46:20.580
So I said, we could go for jazz or I don't care.

655
00:46:20.580 --> 00:46:21.540
He's like, jazz sounds great,

656
00:46:21.540 --> 00:46:23.940
let's reconvene when we're done with breakfast.

657
00:46:23.940 --> 00:46:26.860
Never messages, so I'm freaking out all day.

658
00:46:27.200 --> 00:46:28.680
Why hasn't this guy messaged?

659
00:46:28.680 --> 00:46:30.200
What are we doing tonight?

660
00:46:30.200 --> 00:46:32.080
So then at 4.30, I said, hey,

661
00:46:32.080 --> 00:46:34.680
do you want to go to this jazz place in the center?

662
00:46:34.680 --> 00:46:36.560
And he's like, no,

663
00:46:36.560 --> 00:46:38.800
because I'd have to go with an armed vehicle to the center,

664
00:46:38.800 --> 00:46:41.200
which is a complete exaggeration anyways.

665
00:46:41.200 --> 00:46:44.000
And I'm like, I thought you were going to make a plan.

666
00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:45.900
What do you want to do?

667
00:46:45.900 --> 00:46:47.260
Anyway, so then he calls and says,

668
00:46:47.260 --> 00:46:48.680
I've been waiting for my dad.

669
00:46:48.680 --> 00:46:50.880
We were supposed to go to lunch and he hasn't shown up

670
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:52.240
and he wants to speak to me urgently

671
00:46:52.240 --> 00:46:54.840
and sorry, this day's been off and whatever.

672
00:46:54.860 --> 00:46:57.300
So I was like, just tell me what you want to do.

673
00:46:57.300 --> 00:47:00.220
I said, okay, let's just go to dinner, 8 p.m.

674
00:47:00.220 --> 00:47:02.060
He's like, great, I'll see you at 8 p.m.

675
00:47:02.060 --> 00:47:04.140
Five minutes later, he sends me a message saying,

676
00:47:04.140 --> 00:47:06.820
I'm so sorry, my dad showed up and is saying,

677
00:47:06.820 --> 00:47:09.700
we urgently need to go change his will

678
00:47:09.700 --> 00:47:11.900
and meet with the lawyers.

679
00:47:11.900 --> 00:47:14.380
This is at like 5 p.m. on a Saturday night.

680
00:47:14.380 --> 00:47:17.820
Okay, real quick, how long have you guys been dating?

681
00:47:17.820 --> 00:47:21.260
A week, but it's like every single day messaging

682
00:47:21.260 --> 00:47:23.860
and very intense and whatever.

683
00:47:24.840 --> 00:47:28.560
Yeah, and I'm so sorry, I have to cancel.

684
00:47:28.560 --> 00:47:29.960
And I'm like-

685
00:47:29.960 --> 00:47:32.480
Okay, so you've been dating for one week.

686
00:47:32.480 --> 00:47:33.880
How many dates have you been on?

687
00:47:33.880 --> 00:47:34.800
Oh, sorry, two.

688
00:47:34.800 --> 00:47:36.360
And this was gonna be our third date.

689
00:47:36.360 --> 00:47:37.640
And so I was just very frustrated

690
00:47:37.640 --> 00:47:39.220
because I was like, he clearly didn't make an effort

691
00:47:39.220 --> 00:47:40.480
to plan the date.

692
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:41.960
Okay, three dates in one.

693
00:47:41.960 --> 00:47:45.200
Okay, so you've had potentially three dates in one week.

694
00:47:45.200 --> 00:47:47.600
We had two, it was gonna be three dates in one week, but-

695
00:47:47.600 --> 00:47:50.080
Yeah, but he canceled the third date.

696
00:47:50.080 --> 00:47:50.920
Okay.

697
00:47:50.940 --> 00:47:54.020
So I expect him to like make a plan for another date.

698
00:47:54.020 --> 00:47:56.500
So Sunday, he sends a message saying like,

699
00:47:56.500 --> 00:47:58.260
hey, sorry about yesterday,

700
00:47:58.260 --> 00:48:00.180
we're still continuing with the will.

701
00:48:00.180 --> 00:48:03.260
And I'm like, why do you suddenly have to make a change

702
00:48:03.260 --> 00:48:04.940
of a will on a Saturday and Sunday?

703
00:48:04.940 --> 00:48:06.780
And he said, oh, cause my dad spoke to the president

704
00:48:06.780 --> 00:48:09.340
and there's an upcoming change in tax schemes.

705
00:48:09.340 --> 00:48:12.260
And I'm like, so it's like still Sunday messaging,

706
00:48:12.260 --> 00:48:13.500
but like barely messaging.

707
00:48:13.500 --> 00:48:14.320
And then-

708
00:48:14.320 --> 00:48:18.820
Yeah, I mean, here's the big overview of this

709
00:48:18.840 --> 00:48:22.680
is you still have only known this guy for a week.

710
00:48:22.680 --> 00:48:27.680
It's, I mean, this is just, yeah, I don't know.

711
00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:34.760
I don't like that.

712
00:48:34.760 --> 00:48:36.460
Yeah, it seems like he's,

713
00:48:36.460 --> 00:48:39.180
there's a lot of like exaggerating stories,

714
00:48:39.180 --> 00:48:41.440
which I can totally, I totally see that.

715
00:48:43.440 --> 00:48:46.300
But that's the thing, like a week in,

716
00:48:46.300 --> 00:48:50.040
this is where it's, again, it's just go with the pacing.

717
00:48:50.040 --> 00:48:52.280
These are yellow flags for sure.

718
00:48:53.400 --> 00:48:56.280
Yeah, so yesterday there was some red flags.

719
00:48:56.280 --> 00:48:58.240
I was at with my business community.

720
00:48:58.240 --> 00:48:59.760
So I started telling them about this guy

721
00:48:59.760 --> 00:49:01.640
cause he apparently has 40 businesses,

722
00:49:01.640 --> 00:49:03.000
just has crazy stories.

723
00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:05.160
So they started investigating his website.

724
00:49:05.160 --> 00:49:07.200
So he is sharing all of this with you?

725
00:49:08.080 --> 00:49:10.480
He told me literally in like the first sentence

726
00:49:10.480 --> 00:49:11.600
when I said, what do you do on Bumble?

727
00:49:11.600 --> 00:49:14.580
He says, I manage 42 businesses in 23 countries.

728
00:49:15.560 --> 00:49:17.640
And I'm like, that's a little strange.

729
00:49:17.640 --> 00:49:19.880
So then I shared this with my business community last night

730
00:49:19.880 --> 00:49:21.120
because I'm not Mexican

731
00:49:21.120 --> 00:49:22.800
and the Mexican culture is totally different.

732
00:49:22.800 --> 00:49:25.440
And they were like, sounds like money laundering.

733
00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:27.480
So then they spend like 20 minutes

734
00:49:27.480 --> 00:49:29.800
investigating his websites and whatnot.

735
00:49:29.800 --> 00:49:31.280
And they're like, this guy's money laundering.

736
00:49:31.280 --> 00:49:32.160
Or assume anything.

737
00:49:32.160 --> 00:49:33.000
But again, at the end,

738
00:49:33.000 --> 00:49:36.140
like don't go into it over assuming anything.

739
00:49:36.140 --> 00:49:37.380
But again, just keep in mind,

740
00:49:37.380 --> 00:49:39.880
like you still have only known this guy for a week.

741
00:49:39.880 --> 00:49:41.760
You don't know enough about him

742
00:49:41.780 --> 00:49:44.780
to really start mapping out what's going on.

743
00:49:44.780 --> 00:49:47.220
I think more or less it's okay.

744
00:49:48.380 --> 00:49:50.140
The two dates that you've gone out with,

745
00:49:50.140 --> 00:49:51.620
have you enjoyed your time?

746
00:49:52.900 --> 00:49:54.220
Yeah.

747
00:49:54.220 --> 00:49:55.420
Hold a conversation.

748
00:49:55.420 --> 00:49:56.580
It's good.

749
00:49:58.020 --> 00:50:00.420
I get, he says this, oh, we should get married.

750
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.480
thing. Ladies, guys, here's the thing I will even preface. I know a lot of you ladies are always

751
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:10.240
like, I need to know if he's marriage-minded. I will let you know, ladies, many men that are

752
00:50:10.240 --> 00:50:14.560
marriage-minded will let you know that they're marriage-minded pretty, they will. Some of them

753
00:50:14.560 --> 00:50:18.400
won't, but there are men that will. So don't ever have to worry about that. Typically, men will let

754
00:50:18.400 --> 00:50:25.760
you know they're marriage-minded. They lead the conversation oftentimes. But again, you've known

755
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:31.360
this guy for about a week. You can't go in and over-assume anything. I would just take some of

756
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:36.480
the things that he's saying, being like, okay, this doesn't measure up. Use those as yellow flags.

757
00:50:38.720 --> 00:50:43.600
Again, ladies, when you start seeing yellow flags, if you're going to start going and having

758
00:50:43.600 --> 00:50:51.520
conversations with people and trying to sort out and connect all the dots and put the pieces

759
00:50:51.520 --> 00:50:55.520
together, and you're trying to see, okay, is this a yellow flag? I want to see if it's going to turn

760
00:50:55.520 --> 00:50:59.600
red. You're going to see it turn red because people are going to just fill that in for you.

761
00:51:00.320 --> 00:51:09.120
I would say, you know, watch how often you are interacting with him. Again, having three dates

762
00:51:09.120 --> 00:51:16.240
in one week, ladies, that's a lot. That really is a lot. And texting every day and messaging

763
00:51:16.240 --> 00:51:23.840
every day, all day is a lot. Okay, I'm not saying that it's not going to happen for some of you.

764
00:51:24.160 --> 00:51:30.560
I say this loosely because my husband and I, we were messaging about every day as well. We were

765
00:51:30.560 --> 00:51:39.120
long distance. But again, I was more kind of being like, I'm going to put this at a stand so I'm not

766
00:51:39.120 --> 00:51:47.280
diving right in. Again, it's more of a loose thing, but I'm just, again, I have to let you

767
00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:54.400
ladies know, when you are having several dates in one week, and you're having a lot of communication,

768
00:51:55.920 --> 00:52:00.320
the anxiousness can come in for you, and it can come in for them too.

769
00:52:01.280 --> 00:52:06.320
And so you have to even sometimes watch that some of these men are going to be anxious attachers.

770
00:52:07.120 --> 00:52:11.280
Many times women are more of the anxious attachers, but it doesn't mean that men aren't either.

771
00:52:12.240 --> 00:52:21.440
And so I would just preface, wait for him to contact you, which I imagine that you probably are,

772
00:52:24.640 --> 00:52:29.200
and let him plan a date. Yeah. I mean, he messaged this morning,

773
00:52:29.760 --> 00:52:34.640
hello, bonjour, ma belle, but it was like two sentences, ha ha ha. And I didn't push it further

774
00:52:34.640 --> 00:52:39.520
and let him be like, okay, good morning. Hope you're having a great day. I mean, still respond.

775
00:52:39.600 --> 00:52:45.520
Don't like ladies don't not respond to men. Okay. Like let them initiate. And then, but

776
00:52:46.560 --> 00:52:51.520
it's important ladies. And I know this is hard because I struggled with this.

777
00:52:52.560 --> 00:52:58.160
You go on a date or two, and you really like him. You're enjoying the process of dating.

778
00:52:58.800 --> 00:53:04.240
And then they kind of start acting differently. It's really easy for us to then start second

779
00:53:04.240 --> 00:53:09.840
guessing things and getting in our heads about it. This is when we have to just be like,

780
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:16.400
take a step back, assess like what, what is surfacing? What anxiety is surfacing in you?

781
00:53:16.400 --> 00:53:22.080
What thoughts are surfacing in you? What fears are surfacing in you? And then we got to take

782
00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:25.760
those to the Lord. And that's when we got to do some heartwork in that. Okay. And it's,

783
00:53:25.760 --> 00:53:30.880
I'm not talking about heartwork, like hardcore intensive surgery, heartwork. I'm talking about,

784
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:37.280
okay, these are the things that I'm starting to see. What belief am I aligning it with?

785
00:53:38.640 --> 00:53:44.800
Where did that come from? Is it true? God, what is the truth? We got to replace those things

786
00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:53.280
and kind of get settled back into again, like who we are, who's we are and move forward. So again,

787
00:53:54.240 --> 00:53:58.640
what I often see sometimes happen with women, and this happened to me is

788
00:54:00.880 --> 00:54:06.720
I would enjoy going on a date with someone. They would start pulling back or acting differently.

789
00:54:06.720 --> 00:54:15.760
That kind of stirred me up a little bit. And then I would spiral and then forget. I'm like,

790
00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:22.160
I'm not even in an exclusive relationship with this person. I don't even know this person

791
00:54:22.240 --> 00:54:31.440
outside of a week, maybe two. I don't really know this person. Why am I allowing a person that is

792
00:54:31.440 --> 00:54:39.040
practically a stranger, stir me up and having me act and behave in ways that don't align with who

793
00:54:39.040 --> 00:54:48.240
he says I am. And so we have to really focus, like, this is why we talk about discovery dating.

794
00:54:48.240 --> 00:54:55.360
We talk about going in with low stakes dating, discovery dating. You're just getting to know

795
00:54:55.360 --> 00:54:59.920
yourself. You're getting to know these people so that if something happens,

796
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.560
spins where it's like, bam, a red flag,

797
00:55:02.560 --> 00:55:05.640
or bam, the guy just goes missing.

798
00:55:05.640 --> 00:55:08.700
We're not left with these pieces

799
00:55:08.700 --> 00:55:11.280
that we're trying to scoop up because we're like,

800
00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:12.720
oh my gosh, we just got, you know,

801
00:55:12.720 --> 00:55:15.220
like, because we got stirred up.

802
00:55:15.220 --> 00:55:16.820
So I would just take this time,

803
00:55:16.820 --> 00:55:20.720
like we don't have to figure out where they are,

804
00:55:20.720 --> 00:55:23.580
or who they are, or what they're all about.

805
00:55:23.580 --> 00:55:26.260
We have to focus on, okay, God,

806
00:55:26.260 --> 00:55:28.080
this is bringing something up in me,

807
00:55:28.080 --> 00:55:29.720
and I'm gonna walk through this.

808
00:55:29.720 --> 00:55:31.760
Like clearly this person,

809
00:55:31.760 --> 00:55:34.920
you allowed them to come into my life for a moment,

810
00:55:34.920 --> 00:55:37.100
maybe longer, whatever,

811
00:55:37.100 --> 00:55:41.100
but what is it that you want to show me?

812
00:55:42.200 --> 00:55:45.420
What opportunity can I step in to grow?

813
00:55:46.360 --> 00:55:49.640
So Alessandra, if you're starting to see these anxiousness,

814
00:55:49.640 --> 00:55:51.480
like you're wanting to go investigate,

815
00:55:51.480 --> 00:55:53.880
like, oh, I got these yellow flags,

816
00:55:53.880 --> 00:55:56.000
I'm gonna see if they're red.

817
00:55:56.000 --> 00:55:58.440
I'll tell you ladies, you'll find red flags, you will.

818
00:55:58.440 --> 00:56:01.560
If you look for red flags, you'll find it, okay?

819
00:56:01.560 --> 00:56:06.560
We have to work on keeping you centered in this process.

820
00:56:08.920 --> 00:56:13.920
Let's get, let's uncover that, all right?

821
00:56:14.160 --> 00:56:17.320
And then you can let this guy go if he, you know,

822
00:56:17.320 --> 00:56:20.960
at this point, it's like, okay, he's a little frazzled.

823
00:56:20.960 --> 00:56:23.680
You know, maybe there is like this crazy obscured,

824
00:56:23.680 --> 00:56:26.680
like maybe there's truth to his story, who knows?

825
00:56:27.680 --> 00:56:28.520
Like-

826
00:56:28.520 --> 00:56:30.600
Well, yeah, I think, and I kind of want to confront him,

827
00:56:30.600 --> 00:56:32.360
but I think he's laundering money.

828
00:56:32.360 --> 00:56:33.920
But anyways, I probably shouldn't confront him

829
00:56:33.920 --> 00:56:34.760
because it's-

830
00:56:34.760 --> 00:56:36.920
Yeah, no, we're not doing that.

831
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:38.360
No, no, we're not.

832
00:56:38.360 --> 00:56:40.780
Does that, would that be divine feminine, Alessandra?

833
00:56:40.780 --> 00:56:42.280
Would that be divine feminine?

834
00:56:43.520 --> 00:56:45.720
Well, I wanted to say, hey, there's no,

835
00:56:45.720 --> 00:56:47.480
none of your places, you don't have your hotels

836
00:56:47.480 --> 00:56:48.680
that you own on Google Maps.

837
00:56:48.680 --> 00:56:50.400
Like, what is going on?

838
00:56:50.400 --> 00:56:53.360
But again, are you operating in divine feminine?

839
00:56:53.360 --> 00:56:55.160
You don't think that would be divine feminine?

840
00:56:55.160 --> 00:56:56.840
No, I don't.

841
00:56:56.840 --> 00:57:01.160
Like, what, does he think I'm stupid?

842
00:57:01.160 --> 00:57:02.800
Like, he's just, anyways, okay.

843
00:57:02.800 --> 00:57:05.960
But again, like, whether he thinks you're stupid or not,

844
00:57:05.960 --> 00:57:07.040
that's not on you.

845
00:57:07.040 --> 00:57:08.720
That's not who you are.

846
00:57:08.720 --> 00:57:09.560
Yeah.

847
00:57:09.560 --> 00:57:12.960
All right, it's not your job to have to prove this guy

848
00:57:12.960 --> 00:57:16.160
right or wrong or whatever, you know?

849
00:57:16.160 --> 00:57:18.600
You don't have to go in and defend yourself either

850
00:57:18.600 --> 00:57:20.540
because you're already God defended.

851
00:57:21.480 --> 00:57:24.440
You know, it's not your job to go and teach this man

852
00:57:24.440 --> 00:57:28.440
how to approach women or how to, like, you know,

853
00:57:28.440 --> 00:57:31.060
pick a date, not pick a date, and tell these,

854
00:57:31.060 --> 00:57:32.320
it's not your place, ladies.

855
00:57:32.320 --> 00:57:36.440
Again, you know these guys for, like, a brief moment.

856
00:57:37.500 --> 00:57:39.720
Ladies, if you don't know, like,

857
00:57:39.720 --> 00:57:43.600
you don't get the pass until you are

858
00:57:43.600 --> 00:57:46.600
an exclusive relationship and have been dating a person

859
00:57:46.600 --> 00:57:49.040
for many months, all right?

860
00:57:49.040 --> 00:57:51.640
Like, to go and coach him and teach him

861
00:57:51.640 --> 00:57:53.360
and tell him all the things that they're doing wrong.

862
00:57:53.360 --> 00:57:56.960
Ladies, I don't even have the pass to sit there

863
00:57:56.960 --> 00:57:59.200
all the time and tell my husband all the things

864
00:57:59.200 --> 00:58:02.940
that he's doing wrong and what he needs to do differently.

865
00:58:02.940 --> 00:58:07.240
Believe it or not, Jackie has even told me,

866
00:58:07.240 --> 00:58:11.400
Carla, he's not gonna hear it from you.

867
00:58:11.400 --> 00:58:14.020
He needs to hear it from other men.

868
00:58:14.880 --> 00:58:16.240
I'm like, oh.

869
00:58:16.240 --> 00:58:19.400
Like, so I just have to show up and do my best

870
00:58:19.400 --> 00:58:22.640
to be my divine feminine as a wife

871
00:58:22.640 --> 00:58:26.200
and allow my husband to walk through his process.

872
00:58:26.200 --> 00:58:29.640
Okay, it's not our jobs to correct and do all of that.

873
00:58:29.640 --> 00:58:31.880
Like, no, in marriage it's gonna look a little differently.

874
00:58:31.880 --> 00:58:34.520
Yes, like, my husband and I are one,

875
00:58:34.520 --> 00:58:37.020
so it will look differently, but ladies,

876
00:58:37.020 --> 00:58:38.440
y'all are just dating right now.

877
00:58:38.440 --> 00:58:41.600
Like, you don't have to figure it out for them.

878
00:58:41.600 --> 00:58:43.600
You don't have to tell them, you know,

879
00:58:43.600 --> 00:58:45.820
and try to prove them wrong or tell them, like,

880
00:58:45.820 --> 00:58:49.200
I think you're laundering money or whatever.

881
00:58:49.200 --> 00:58:52.060
Like, if this guy really isn't being honest,

882
00:58:52.380 --> 00:58:54.580
just know that God's gonna defend you.

883
00:58:54.580 --> 00:58:56.440
God's gonna show you what you need to see

884
00:58:56.440 --> 00:58:57.840
when you need to see it.

885
00:58:57.840 --> 00:58:59.660
You know, you can kind of just be like,

886
00:58:59.660 --> 00:59:02.860
okay, I'm gonna see where this guy takes it.

887
00:59:02.860 --> 00:59:06.320
I'm not gonna let it shake and stir me up

888
00:59:06.320 --> 00:59:10.180
to a point that I'm not still going out meeting people.

889
00:59:10.180 --> 00:59:14.300
Like, ladies, you all should still be meeting people

890
00:59:14.300 --> 00:59:17.000
unless you are in an exclusive level three,

891
00:59:17.000 --> 00:59:20.960
which many of you should probably not be in level threes.

892
00:59:21.880 --> 00:59:24.540
All right, some of you are jumping into level threes

893
00:59:24.540 --> 00:59:27.720
and maybe are even rushing into those level threes too soon.

894
00:59:27.720 --> 00:59:29.560
There are a few that are, okay,

895
00:59:29.560 --> 00:59:30.920
but most of the time in phase two,

896
00:59:30.920 --> 00:59:32.360
we don't typically see women

897
00:59:32.360 --> 00:59:34.940
jumping into exclusive relationships in level three,

898
00:59:34.940 --> 00:59:37.240
unless they've been here for many months

899
00:59:37.240 --> 00:59:39.680
and they've done a lot of hard work and things like that,

900
00:59:39.680 --> 00:59:42.040
and we've seen proper pacing and things like that.

901
00:59:42.040 --> 00:59:43.920
There's a couple exceptions to those rules,

902
00:59:43.920 --> 00:59:46.000
but ladies, like right now,

903
00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:49.240
you are just dating and getting to know people.

904
00:59:50.240 --> 00:59:54.160
Okay, so Jen, you asked, like,

905
00:59:54.160 --> 00:59:56.720
how soon is too soon to be exclusive?

906
00:59:56.720 --> 01:00:00.200
I honestly think you need to at least have been dating.

907
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.720
someone a month to two, maybe even three months before that exclusive conversation happens.

908
01:00:06.720 --> 01:00:16.720
I'm not saying that will be the case every single time, okay? But we are not worried so much about

909
01:00:18.800 --> 01:00:26.320
um here let me let me say it this way. We're more concerned about where your heart is

910
01:00:26.320 --> 01:00:32.240
entering level three exclusive relationship than more of the timing, okay? Time is important like

911
01:00:32.240 --> 01:00:35.920
I know like again I know this might sound contradictory from what I talked about before

912
01:00:35.920 --> 01:00:44.320
where the process and time that is important but again whatever God wants to do it's going to be

913
01:00:44.320 --> 01:00:50.160
more about a it's the heart thing that we're looking at, okay? I hope that answers your

914
01:00:50.160 --> 01:00:59.200
question Jen that I would say if we have to put a time frame on it I would say at least a month

915
01:00:59.840 --> 01:01:06.400
of getting to know somebody and I would even say you really want a lot of God confirmation on it

916
01:01:06.400 --> 01:01:12.960
and I'm talking about like unexplainable God confirmation not confirmation that you're going

917
01:01:12.960 --> 01:01:17.600
out trying to seek and and do and make the confirmation yourself because people will do

918
01:01:17.600 --> 01:01:22.400
that too. Oh this is a sign and this is a sign and this is a sign God is telling me all these

919
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:28.080
things no ladies it will be a supernatural confirmation like out of the blue random type

920
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:38.240
stuff like that's how God can come and show that confirmation, okay? All right Leslie you are up next

921
01:01:40.160 --> 01:01:45.360
how are you? I'm okay um I feel like I've done everything wrong this last week

922
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:52.880
I went on three dates with three different guys and I um one was just kind of a dud and didn't go

923
01:01:52.880 --> 01:01:59.360
anywhere but the first guy like not interested and moved on but I'm I'm noticing that I'm

924
01:01:59.360 --> 01:02:04.480
attracting I don't know if I'm attracting an anxious attachment style or or what but I'm

925
01:02:05.280 --> 01:02:08.960
it's just like these guys I don't know if I'm putting off a vibe but they just move

926
01:02:08.960 --> 01:02:15.120
they just want to move so fast with me and um so I did get into some deeper conversations

927
01:02:15.120 --> 01:02:20.240
with a guy that I went out with on Wednesday night um he was driving home from the date he

928
01:02:20.240 --> 01:02:24.800
drove like an hour and a half didn't really want me to have to meet in the middle he said I'll come

929
01:02:24.800 --> 01:02:29.040
you know most of the way out to you which was really sweet he's like a super great guy very

930
01:02:29.040 --> 01:02:35.920
sweet um but then we ended up talking the whole way when he was driving home um and not because

931
01:02:35.920 --> 01:02:40.160
I was like oh let me make sure you stay awake but just like we were enjoying each other's whatever

932
01:02:40.160 --> 01:02:45.200
time and just going like way too deep in the conversation and then I had already scheduled

933
01:02:45.840 --> 01:02:51.440
a date for Friday night um before he and I had even gone out on Wednesday okay with a different

934
01:02:51.440 --> 01:02:57.920
guy um so and then I didn't know what to do because I was like do I tell him I'm going on a date do I

935
01:02:57.920 --> 01:03:03.440
not tell him I'm going on a date so I didn't tell him I went on a date good good yeah I went on a

936
01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:07.920
date we ended up talking that night and he was like did you go on a date tonight because he asked

937
01:03:07.920 --> 01:03:12.880
me if I would go out with him Friday and I said I I had plans but I wasn't specific so I think he

938
01:03:12.880 --> 01:03:19.840
kind of knew and I wasn't hiding anything I wasn't like oh I'm gonna lie about it but but he was like

939
01:03:20.800 --> 01:03:24.480
he's like I I think you should be dating other guys that's totally fine but like I think you

940
01:03:24.480 --> 01:03:29.200
should have told me he's like we we've kind of gone deep like in our conversations and it just

941
01:03:29.200 --> 01:03:37.120
threw me off and so I'm in this place now where I'm like that's fair um and now I just feel like

942
01:03:37.120 --> 01:03:41.440
I'm too fine with this guy to be like oh I'm dating other guys again and then I'm not sure if

943
01:03:41.440 --> 01:03:46.880
I like him and so I'm just but now I feel like there's so much pressure on it like I have to

944
01:03:46.880 --> 01:03:51.680
make a decision if I want to be with him or not before I move on this is when it's just like

945
01:03:51.680 --> 01:03:56.960
having the open and honest conversations and this is where you know you put up boundaries and you

946
01:03:56.960 --> 01:04:04.240
you share where you're at and you're honest about it and then how the men respond to it that's on

947
01:04:04.240 --> 01:04:11.840
them okay I think again as long as you're coming with care and consideration like look like I am

948
01:04:11.840 --> 01:04:19.360
enjoying my time with you you're right we did have some deep conversations um you know and if

949
01:04:19.360 --> 01:04:27.760
if my inviting or allowing the opportunity for deep conversations um made you feel like we had

950
01:04:27.760 --> 01:04:32.560
you know a deeper connection than you know us like getting to know each other like that was

951
01:04:32.560 --> 01:04:39.680
not my intention um I am dating people right now because I'm trying to learn more about myself and

952
01:04:39.680 --> 01:04:48.160
more other people and what I'm looking for um I'm open to having a long-term relationship when

953
01:04:48.160 --> 01:04:55.200
I've gotten to know the person and I mean again it's just about being completely real honest

954
01:04:55.200 --> 01:04:59.840
vulnerable considerate being true to yourself

955
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.940
You know again, it's to me. It's always about

956
01:05:03.940 --> 01:05:10.320
How are you going to approach the conversation? What is your what is your heart posture with it?

957
01:05:10.320 --> 01:05:13.280
And I I don't think that you did anything wrong

958
01:05:13.280 --> 01:05:18.100
Like I do want to address this ladies when you ladies think I did everything wrong

959
01:05:18.100 --> 01:05:22.420
I didn't follow what last year single tells me to do and I've done it wrong

960
01:05:23.120 --> 01:05:25.520
Ladies, you cannot do it wrong

961
01:05:26.700 --> 01:05:28.700
Okay

962
01:05:28.820 --> 01:05:35.940
God is going to use every single one of these situations to help grow you and stretch you

963
01:05:36.140 --> 01:05:38.140
And give you new information

964
01:05:39.020 --> 01:05:41.560
so I think this is just again like

965
01:05:42.540 --> 01:05:44.540
you're I I

966
01:05:44.740 --> 01:05:51.020
I deep dived with my husband in our conversations and I'm like, oh I shouldn't I mean

967
01:05:51.020 --> 01:05:54.820
I remember being like kind of guarded when he wanted to do that and you know

968
01:05:54.820 --> 01:05:59.380
We did we had some really he shared with me a lot of stuff that I'm like, whoa

969
01:05:59.780 --> 01:06:06.820
but again, like if this guy is sharing bits and pieces of him that are really deep and

970
01:06:07.620 --> 01:06:09.460
intimate

971
01:06:09.460 --> 01:06:11.460
That's on him

972
01:06:11.820 --> 01:06:14.360
like my husband shared some really

973
01:06:15.860 --> 01:06:19.880
Personal things with me and if we decided to part ways

974
01:06:20.600 --> 01:06:25.480
He couldn't get upset with me when he's the one that shared it with me

975
01:06:27.560 --> 01:06:29.560
So

976
01:06:29.800 --> 01:06:31.080
Absolutely

977
01:06:31.080 --> 01:06:35.480
Like did you have a conversation with because like when you're saying two to three months to be exclusive

978
01:06:35.480 --> 01:06:40.600
I feel like I'm gonna like freak out like I feel like the date zone for that long

979
01:06:40.600 --> 01:06:45.480
Well, like I feel like I'm cheating on somebody like and I mean, I don't have the best boundaries. So that's like

980
01:06:45.480 --> 01:06:51.880
Okay, so, you know that you were dating other guys is like my question like okay, I started getting deeper I guess

981
01:06:51.880 --> 01:06:54.440
So this is this is that process ladies?

982
01:06:54.440 --> 01:07:00.280
So again, you are getting to know and dating other guys in the early stages of level two

983
01:07:01.240 --> 01:07:02.680
Okay

984
01:07:02.680 --> 01:07:04.680
That's like I'm talking two or three dates

985
01:07:06.440 --> 01:07:09.800
You're dating other people once you start hitting

986
01:07:11.080 --> 01:07:13.400
Level two because again, you're dating other people

987
01:07:14.040 --> 01:07:17.800
Level two because again, you're still level two. You're not exclusive when you start hitting

988
01:07:18.600 --> 01:07:20.600
dates five

989
01:07:21.080 --> 01:07:26.600
Six, okay by then you're probably further into a month almost two months, right?

990
01:07:27.880 --> 01:07:29.960
You don't have to be dating people

991
01:07:30.840 --> 01:07:32.840
Still other people

992
01:07:32.840 --> 01:07:34.840
Okay, i'm talking about

993
01:07:35.320 --> 01:07:38.600
You're getting to know people in that first beginning stages

994
01:07:38.600 --> 01:07:44.760
You've only been on two three, maybe four dates with someone which means you're still also open to dating other people

995
01:07:45.800 --> 01:07:50.920
As you move through phase not phase as you move through level two

996
01:07:52.360 --> 01:07:55.960
It's going to grow and so I think that's maybe where the misconception is

997
01:07:55.960 --> 01:08:01.720
So i'm i'm really glad that you asked this question because maybe that's where we need to get more clarity

998
01:08:02.280 --> 01:08:03.720
Is in the levels of dating?

999
01:08:03.720 --> 01:08:09.240
Okay, we got the level one in community level two. Is that getting to know you?

1000
01:08:09.800 --> 01:08:12.600
Stage this is going to typically be

1001
01:08:13.400 --> 01:08:15.080
a longer

1002
01:08:15.080 --> 01:08:22.200
Stage of dating because you're getting to know someone in the beginning. So we're going to say level two a

1003
01:08:23.160 --> 01:08:25.160
Okay, those are the first

1004
01:08:26.120 --> 01:08:28.120
Two three, maybe four dates

1005
01:08:28.600 --> 01:08:31.399
Where you're still also getting to know other people

1006
01:08:32.279 --> 01:08:37.880
Once you've decided to invest more than four to five dates in a person chances are

1007
01:08:39.080 --> 01:08:44.439
You see something in them and you want to continue to see can this grow into level three?

1008
01:08:46.200 --> 01:08:48.200
Level three is that exclusive

1009
01:08:49.140 --> 01:08:53.800
Relationship that you really want the men to lead that some men

1010
01:08:54.359 --> 01:08:58.279
Will want to jump into that level three conversation very very quickly

1011
01:08:58.920 --> 01:09:01.479
Especially marriage-minded men will okay

1012
01:09:02.680 --> 01:09:06.520
Not a bad thing, but sometimes it's you you have to be cautious of it

1013
01:09:07.319 --> 01:09:08.279
Okay

1014
01:09:08.279 --> 01:09:10.279
My husband was like that

1015
01:09:10.920 --> 01:09:12.920
My husband rushed the level three

1016
01:09:13.720 --> 01:09:15.479
very quickly

1017
01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:17.479
Not that it was a bad thing

1018
01:09:17.479 --> 01:09:20.520
But now in marriage I can start seeing

1019
01:09:21.319 --> 01:09:23.319
He really did mean

1020
01:09:24.040 --> 01:09:31.399
Really want to be married because he had two children. He needed help taking care of obviously he loves me very deeply. Okay

1021
01:09:32.359 --> 01:09:38.279
So he he wanted to have that level three very quickly again. I was in community here

1022
01:09:39.319 --> 01:09:40.520
so

1023
01:09:40.520 --> 01:09:41.779
Jackie

1024
01:09:41.779 --> 01:09:43.080
Bethany

1025
01:09:43.080 --> 01:09:46.359
My like sisters in this community. They were

1026
01:09:47.080 --> 01:09:47.960
like

1027
01:09:47.960 --> 01:09:49.720
my guards

1028
01:09:49.720 --> 01:09:54.860
I was very open to them about the the pace and the process of this relationship

1029
01:09:55.320 --> 01:09:59.960
So when yellow flags came up, they helped guide me through

1030
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:09.280
that okay and so that's important so again going back to you have the 2a those are the beginning

1031
01:10:09.280 --> 01:10:15.120
stages you're really just getting to know someone you probably have only known them for no more than

1032
01:10:15.120 --> 01:10:21.040
four weeks if you've been on two or three dates two or three dates is really about a month of

1033
01:10:21.040 --> 01:10:27.360
dating okay like when when alessandra said she went out with the same guy like on like three

1034
01:10:27.360 --> 01:10:33.200
times in one week that's like exactly where i'm at like this this same guy like we're going out

1035
01:10:33.200 --> 01:10:37.040
again tomorrow so that's three dates in one week so that's too much you're saying essentially like

1036
01:10:38.080 --> 01:10:41.680
that's what i'm saying because you see how like some of those attachments start coming

1037
01:10:42.400 --> 01:10:47.040
and then things start feeling rushed the anxiety starts surfacing whether it's in you or whether

1038
01:10:47.040 --> 01:10:52.000
it's in the guy where all of a sudden it's like you got to put a you got to put a label on it

1039
01:10:52.000 --> 01:10:56.000
well i'm not sure i want to put on a label on it yet because i've only known you for a week

1040
01:10:56.960 --> 01:11:02.800
i don't and he's like texting you i mean like this guy's like sends me audios and videos and

1041
01:11:02.800 --> 01:11:09.440
texts like 15 times a day and i'm like so do i just like wait longer to respond like just give

1042
01:11:09.440 --> 01:11:14.400
it a couple hours i really i really enjoy getting to know you i mean again i say this because

1043
01:11:14.960 --> 01:11:18.320
my husband did it too and i mean i just got to a point where i'm like

1044
01:11:20.320 --> 01:11:24.320
hey i want to respond to you i'm gonna have to wait to respond to you tomorrow i have a lot going on

1045
01:11:26.160 --> 01:11:31.760
um he also would want to deep dive questions and i would just give like short little snippets

1046
01:11:33.120 --> 01:11:37.280
i wouldn't go into the detail then i would try to redirect to more light-hearted

1047
01:11:38.240 --> 01:11:45.600
kind of question you know i mean again ladies there is no hard rules about this dating process

1048
01:11:45.600 --> 01:11:52.000
and i know that can be really frustrating and confusing for you ladies that were like me

1049
01:11:52.000 --> 01:11:59.120
and needed a checklist to check everything off and i needed rules to follow um again we're looking

1050
01:11:59.120 --> 01:12:08.400
at the heart and what's stirring up in you and that's that's where i like that's where i want

1051
01:12:08.400 --> 01:12:15.440
to spend time and focus on is let's get through there because here's the thing ladies if the man

1052
01:12:15.520 --> 01:12:24.160
is your spirit mate he is going to have grace on you like he will give you the grace and space

1053
01:12:25.200 --> 01:12:30.400
he will respect the boundaries so again if you have an open honest conversation of like

1054
01:12:30.400 --> 01:12:36.000
you know i really enjoy getting to know you i am sensing that we have you know are rushing through

1055
01:12:36.000 --> 01:12:42.560
this process and you know i don't want it to stop but i need it to slow down do you think we can

1056
01:12:42.560 --> 01:12:49.120
take a moment to slow down yes i'm dating other people but i'm not opposed to after getting to

1057
01:12:49.120 --> 01:12:55.360
know you a little bit if this is you know we want to explore that then let's have the conversation

1058
01:12:55.360 --> 01:13:03.600
on a light on a later day i mean ladies be real with these men this is part of the dating process

1059
01:13:04.880 --> 01:13:09.920
this is part of the growing and learning that god's putting you ladies in is because believe

1060
01:13:09.920 --> 01:13:16.080
it or not you're going to have to communicate with your husbands and i can attest to you

1061
01:13:16.080 --> 01:13:21.760
sometimes i have to have really hard conversations with my husband and i sometimes struggle with it

1062
01:13:23.200 --> 01:13:28.480
i still sometimes struggle with having honest conversations with him because i get fearful

1063
01:13:29.920 --> 01:13:34.400
i don't want him to think that i don't love him but i have to have a hard conversation with him

1064
01:13:34.880 --> 01:13:39.760
or that my feelings and my emotions are going to be too much for him to handle because

1065
01:13:39.760 --> 01:13:47.520
he was in a really toxic marriage before with a woman who had a lot of mental health issues

1066
01:13:48.320 --> 01:13:52.160
and so i'm like oh my gosh is my husband going to think i'm a mental case like

1067
01:13:52.160 --> 01:14:00.880
you know i you know it communication is so important and it will be uncomfortable when

1068
01:14:00.880 --> 01:14:07.440
we're not used to having to have those honest conversations with someone when you don't really

1069
01:14:07.440 --> 01:14:13.360
know who they are yet i mean like i said i know my husband pretty well like obviously we're married

1070
01:14:14.160 --> 01:14:20.400
but i still sometimes get reserved and unsure but i have to sometimes be really uncomfortable and

1071
01:14:20.400 --> 01:14:24.560
just be like look i'm not trying to be hurtful to you but this is what happened and this is

1072
01:14:24.560 --> 01:14:30.560
really hurtful to me and this is what i need this is what i'm feeling and you know my husband comes

1073
01:14:30.560 --> 01:14:38.320
in with a lot of love all right he doesn't always sometimes he gets offended by things i say and

1074
01:14:38.320 --> 01:14:45.200
you know we work through that but this is that process of just having conversations so

1075
01:14:46.400 --> 01:14:48.880
i don't want you ladies to think that you're doing anything wrong

1076
01:14:50.320 --> 01:14:55.120
that's why it's important that you come here and we talk through these things okay

1077
01:14:55.120 --> 01:14:57.120
okay

1078
01:14:57.120 --> 01:14:59.120
so good

1079
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:02.600
Is there anything else, like did that help clear things up

1080
01:15:02.600 --> 01:15:06.680
with like, you know, dating with my husband,

1081
01:15:06.680 --> 01:15:09.840
it was like, I'm in level two dating with him,

1082
01:15:09.840 --> 01:15:12.960
but you know, we're still getting to know,

1083
01:15:12.960 --> 01:15:16.640
like there was no, like, are you dating other people,

1084
01:15:16.640 --> 01:15:17.480
all that kind of stuff.

1085
01:15:17.480 --> 01:15:19.880
I mean, and at the time, like, I told my husband

1086
01:15:19.880 --> 01:15:22.080
I didn't want to kiss him on the first date.

1087
01:15:22.080 --> 01:15:23.520
He was ready to go for it.

1088
01:15:23.520 --> 01:15:28.520
And I'm like, no, I need to save that for someone

1089
01:15:28.520 --> 01:15:31.240
that I'm in a committed relationship with

1090
01:15:31.240 --> 01:15:33.720
because I'm not trying to kiss a bunch of different people.

1091
01:15:33.720 --> 01:15:34.560
I mean, that's what I told him.

1092
01:15:34.560 --> 01:15:37.120
I wasn't, I wasn't out dating anybody,

1093
01:15:37.120 --> 01:15:39.560
but I mean, I let him know, like, I'm not gonna kiss you

1094
01:15:39.560 --> 01:15:41.520
because I am not committed to you

1095
01:15:42.640 --> 01:15:44.960
because there's always opportunity of other people

1096
01:15:44.960 --> 01:15:47.720
that I might date, you might be dating someone.

1097
01:15:47.720 --> 01:15:49.440
I didn't have to come out and say that,

1098
01:15:49.440 --> 01:15:51.080
but he just respected it.

1099
01:15:51.080 --> 01:15:52.960
And it's like, okay, cool.

1100
01:15:52.960 --> 01:15:55.320
Like, I'll respect that.

1101
01:15:55.320 --> 01:15:56.640
You take your time.

1102
01:15:59.280 --> 01:16:00.720
And even when we did decide to be

1103
01:16:00.720 --> 01:16:01.800
in a committed relationship,

1104
01:16:01.800 --> 01:16:04.080
he didn't assume that I was ready to kiss him.

1105
01:16:05.720 --> 01:16:08.120
He's like, you let me know when you're comfortable.

1106
01:16:10.120 --> 01:16:11.400
Okay.

1107
01:16:11.400 --> 01:16:13.040
Do you feel like you're gonna be able

1108
01:16:13.040 --> 01:16:15.600
to have a good conversation with this guy and say,

1109
01:16:15.600 --> 01:16:18.560
hey, like, do you feel like you know

1110
01:16:18.560 --> 01:16:20.760
kind of what direction you want to take it?

1111
01:16:22.920 --> 01:16:24.920
I'm so bad at this.

1112
01:16:24.920 --> 01:16:26.680
I feel like I'm in too deep with this guy

1113
01:16:26.720 --> 01:16:27.920
and I feel like-

1114
01:16:27.920 --> 01:16:28.760
Well, can I ask you,

1115
01:16:28.760 --> 01:16:31.200
what were some of the deep conversations that you had?

1116
01:16:31.200 --> 01:16:34.240
Let's just, let's throw it out on the table.

1117
01:16:34.240 --> 01:16:37.120
Oh, like we talked about like previous relationships.

1118
01:16:37.120 --> 01:16:39.520
Like he told me he's never been in love before.

1119
01:16:41.440 --> 01:16:44.600
I don't know, like some pretty deep things.

1120
01:16:44.600 --> 01:16:47.400
We did talk a little bit about like sexual things,

1121
01:16:47.400 --> 01:16:49.840
which that obviously isn't great,

1122
01:16:49.840 --> 01:16:52.600
but like on our first date, he kissed me,

1123
01:16:52.600 --> 01:16:55.880
like totally just like a peck on the lips.

1124
01:16:56.720 --> 01:16:59.480
And it wasn't sexual like at all.

1125
01:16:59.480 --> 01:17:01.000
Well, we kind of both talked about like,

1126
01:17:01.000 --> 01:17:03.920
maybe we avoid being vulnerable in other ways.

1127
01:17:03.920 --> 01:17:06.360
So we move too fast in that category,

1128
01:17:07.960 --> 01:17:09.640
which I don't think that was a bad conversation,

1129
01:17:09.640 --> 01:17:11.120
just like about each other.

1130
01:17:11.120 --> 01:17:13.160
But at the same time, it's like,

1131
01:17:13.160 --> 01:17:15.400
we probably should have been having that conversation.

1132
01:17:15.400 --> 01:17:18.160
I'm like, why are we having that conversation already?

1133
01:17:18.160 --> 01:17:20.960
Because there was like a fear in me of like this happening

1134
01:17:20.960 --> 01:17:23.200
or so I don't know.

1135
01:17:23.200 --> 01:17:25.120
Can you, I mean, here's the thing,

1136
01:17:25.120 --> 01:17:29.600
like what fruit do you see in him?

1137
01:17:30.520 --> 01:17:31.360
What's the goal?

1138
01:17:31.360 --> 01:17:32.200
Do you like spending time with him?

1139
01:17:32.200 --> 01:17:34.480
Do you want to continue to get to know him?

1140
01:17:34.480 --> 01:17:35.880
Yeah, like I feel neutral about it.

1141
01:17:35.880 --> 01:17:38.840
Like I feel like, I think the weird thing is like,

1142
01:17:38.840 --> 01:17:40.520
now I feel pressure not to date anybody else,

1143
01:17:40.520 --> 01:17:42.040
but I want to be dating other people.

1144
01:17:42.040 --> 01:17:44.480
And so that's where I feel frustrated with myself.

1145
01:17:44.480 --> 01:17:47.680
Like, no, I should have kept that boundary and I didn't.

1146
01:17:47.680 --> 01:17:48.520
Well, here's the thing.

1147
01:17:48.520 --> 01:17:50.640
I think that's what you go and you share with him.

1148
01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:54.880
Like, look, like I've enjoyed getting to know you.

1149
01:17:55.560 --> 01:17:58.880
I think we both agree that maybe we pressed

1150
01:17:58.880 --> 01:18:02.400
on some of the boundary things of having deep conversation

1151
01:18:05.880 --> 01:18:07.960
and be honest to him and say,

1152
01:18:07.960 --> 01:18:09.680
I want to continue to get to know you.

1153
01:18:09.680 --> 01:18:10.800
I don't know where I'm at.

1154
01:18:10.800 --> 01:18:12.240
I need a little more time.

1155
01:18:12.240 --> 01:18:16.520
However, I'm feeling pressure because I don't want you

1156
01:18:16.520 --> 01:18:19.800
to think that I'm not being honest with you.

1157
01:18:20.880 --> 01:18:24.640
I mean, just tell him exactly what you're telling us.

1158
01:18:25.400 --> 01:18:29.200
Like, I feel pressured and I don't want to feel that way.

1159
01:18:29.200 --> 01:18:31.520
I want to still get to know you.

1160
01:18:31.520 --> 01:18:34.280
I don't know what that looks like for you.

1161
01:18:35.480 --> 01:18:36.920
Help me understand.

1162
01:18:36.920 --> 01:18:40.000
Are you going to be okay if I need a little time

1163
01:18:40.000 --> 01:18:45.000
to decide whether or not I'm all in or not?

1164
01:18:47.440 --> 01:18:51.000
Like, and then throw out there like, hey, you know,

1165
01:18:52.440 --> 01:18:54.480
it wasn't a bad thing that you kissed me.

1166
01:18:55.320 --> 01:18:56.240
I just think that's a boundary for me

1167
01:18:56.240 --> 01:18:59.360
that I can't have physical contact

1168
01:18:59.360 --> 01:19:02.240
with someone I'm not in a committed relationship with yet.

1169
01:19:02.240 --> 01:19:05.000
Cause it blurs my lines.

1170
01:19:05.000 --> 01:19:10.000
It blurs my vision of what, and my clarity.

1171
01:19:11.040 --> 01:19:15.280
Just say, I'm trying to make good, healthy decisions

1172
01:19:15.280 --> 01:19:19.040
in a relationship because it's important to me

1173
01:19:19.040 --> 01:19:22.280
because I am looking to date someone

1174
01:19:22.320 --> 01:19:26.920
that I will eventually spend my life with.

1175
01:19:26.920 --> 01:19:30.360
I mean, ladies, when these types of situations happen

1176
01:19:30.360 --> 01:19:31.760
and you find these stuff,

1177
01:19:31.760 --> 01:19:34.240
it doesn't mean that you avoid

1178
01:19:34.240 --> 01:19:37.160
these conversations with men, okay?

1179
01:19:37.160 --> 01:19:39.200
Obviously we're going to coach you ladies,

1180
01:19:39.200 --> 01:19:44.200
like try to stretch these types of things out

1181
01:19:44.200 --> 01:19:46.560
so that we're not rushing in too soon to that.

1182
01:19:46.560 --> 01:19:49.880
But ladies, we understand it happens.

1183
01:19:49.880 --> 01:19:52.400
So I don't want any of you ladies feeling like

1184
01:19:52.400 --> 01:19:54.120
you can't come to us and say,

1185
01:19:54.120 --> 01:19:56.320
oh wow, I feel like I did something wrong.

1186
01:19:56.320 --> 01:19:59.160
Again, you haven't done anything wrong.

1187
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.200
it would be harmful to you if you didn't share with us what's happening because now we can help

1188
01:20:07.200 --> 01:20:15.600
you coach yourself through that. So it's okay that you found yourself in this spot. It's allowing you

1189
01:20:15.600 --> 01:20:21.600
now to work on your communication skills and your boundary setting and being confident and being

1190
01:20:21.600 --> 01:20:28.240
able to communicate what your needs are. Ladies, men are going to need to know what your needs are

1191
01:20:28.240 --> 01:20:34.000
and men want to meet those needs. Masculine men will want to meet your needs because it is their

1192
01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:42.000
divine masculinity to provide and protect you and cover you and that is not just a financial

1193
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:50.880
like provision but it is all-encompassing. It is okay when you find yourselves in these

1194
01:20:50.880 --> 01:20:58.560
situations to be vulnerable with them and say, look, this is where we're at. This is where I'm at.

1195
01:20:58.560 --> 01:21:05.680
This is what I'm feeling. This is what I need. I'm feeling pressured and I need the pressure to be

1196
01:21:05.680 --> 01:21:14.560
off. I want to get to know you. I've enjoyed my time with you. I'm not sure where this goes.

1197
01:21:14.560 --> 01:21:22.320
I want to continue to get to know you to see if it can go into something but I can't if I feel

1198
01:21:22.320 --> 01:21:28.640
pressured. I had to have this same conversation with a guy I dated a year before my husband.

1199
01:21:29.760 --> 01:21:37.600
He was ready and I wasn't and I told him a couple times I needed him to pump the breaks

1200
01:21:37.600 --> 01:21:44.560
and I just didn't feel like, I never felt like he was satisfied until

1201
01:21:46.160 --> 01:21:52.400
I confirmed that we were together and I was just like, I wasn't comfortable saying that yet

1202
01:21:54.960 --> 01:22:00.560
and I had to communicate that to him and it was really, it was hard. Ladies, it was so hard

1203
01:22:01.280 --> 01:22:07.920
but I will tell you it grew me. It showed me that I had a voice and I could be confident

1204
01:22:07.920 --> 01:22:11.920
and I could be empowered to share what it was that my needs were

1205
01:22:14.160 --> 01:22:21.680
and I could trust that God would take care of it. That if I messed it up, God was going to go

1206
01:22:21.680 --> 01:22:28.640
ahead and come in and fix whatever I could have possibly messed up but I wasn't going to have to

1207
01:22:28.640 --> 01:22:36.880
put my hands on it because he was going to supernaturally take care of it. Do you have

1208
01:22:36.880 --> 01:22:42.320
some confidence to feel like you can go in and approach this guy and just let him know?

1209
01:22:44.800 --> 01:22:52.400
Good. Keep us posted. I want to know when you have the conversation and how it goes

1210
01:22:53.120 --> 01:22:55.600
and then I want to know how you're feeling after

1211
01:22:57.600 --> 01:23:02.000
so that if anything else is still stirring up after the fact, we've got you. We're here to

1212
01:23:02.000 --> 01:23:08.960
support you. Okay, thank you. You're welcome. Hey Melissa. I got Melissa, then I got Perla and then

1213
01:23:08.960 --> 01:23:14.720
Anja. Anja, I'm so glad you jumped on. I know we wanted to chat. I messaged you so I hope we can

1214
01:23:14.720 --> 01:23:24.960
get to you. Melissa, tell us what's going on. What's your situation? Hey Carla. I'm almost

1215
01:23:24.960 --> 01:23:30.400
finished phase two. I only have like half of the video to watch so I haven't moved on to phase

1216
01:23:30.400 --> 01:23:39.120
three yet because I haven't finished that video. Sorry, I'm sick but what my question or my

1217
01:23:39.120 --> 01:23:47.600
conversation is, so the guy that I've been going on dates with, we actually had our seventh date

1218
01:23:48.720 --> 01:23:55.360
on Sunday. So it's been like a month and a half that we've been spending time together.

1219
01:23:56.960 --> 01:24:02.320
So when we were ending our date, he's like, oh can I ask you a question?

1220
01:24:03.680 --> 01:24:08.240
For some reason in my head, I thought that he was going to ask me why I wouldn't kiss him

1221
01:24:09.120 --> 01:24:15.920
and I was like sure but instead he asked me the question again that he'd already asked me before

1222
01:24:15.920 --> 01:24:23.760
which was on date two about being his girlfriend and I don't know why but I just said yes and then

1223
01:24:23.760 --> 01:24:30.560
as soon as I said it, I was thinking why did I say this but the reason I was so worried about it was

1224
01:24:30.560 --> 01:24:34.960
because I thought that we were supposed to definitely not go exclusive until three months.

1225
01:24:35.680 --> 01:24:43.440
I thought but there's no reason why I wouldn't want to continue to get to know him. I haven't even

1226
01:24:45.040 --> 01:24:50.080
like everything I'm finding out has been good. Like I don't have any issues

1227
01:24:52.240 --> 01:24:59.680
but sorry. You're good. No, I feel like I am being a little avoidant so.

1228
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:03.160
Well, okay, so then we can unpack that as well.

1229
01:25:03.160 --> 01:25:09.120
So I, again, there's no hard rules here, okay?

1230
01:25:09.120 --> 01:25:14.840
So you've had, you know, good progress and dates with him and, you know, I love that,

1231
01:25:14.840 --> 01:25:19.280
you know, after like he asked on the second date and then he gave it even five dates to

1232
01:25:19.280 --> 01:25:25.080
ask you again, he sees gold in you and that's good, you know?

1233
01:25:25.080 --> 01:25:33.320
And so I like that he asked you again and, you know, just shows his intentionality 100%.

1234
01:25:33.320 --> 01:25:38.400
But ladies, remember just because you say yes to being exclusive doesn't mean that you're

1235
01:25:38.400 --> 01:25:42.380
saying yes to marriage.

1236
01:25:42.380 --> 01:25:50.440
So it's okay that if the pacing is there, you've spent some time getting to know them,

1237
01:25:50.440 --> 01:25:54.840
you know, you've at least gotten through a month or so and pacing yourself well and

1238
01:25:54.840 --> 01:25:58.880
you're seeing some good things, it's okay to go exclusive.

1239
01:25:58.880 --> 01:26:03.000
We're not saying no, you have to tell every guy, no, I'm not allowed to be exclusive until

1240
01:26:03.000 --> 01:26:04.440
I've known you for three months.

1241
01:26:04.440 --> 01:26:09.400
We're not trying to give you these hard, hard rules.

1242
01:26:09.400 --> 01:26:17.480
So spend this time, like you are now just focusing your time and attention on this guy

1243
01:26:17.520 --> 01:26:26.160
to see, okay, does this have potential to grow into engagement and marriage?

1244
01:26:26.160 --> 01:26:32.520
You'll sometimes, ladies, you'll sit in this level three for a while and just because you

1245
01:26:32.520 --> 01:26:36.600
get into a level three with someone doesn't mean you necessarily know whether or not you

1246
01:26:36.600 --> 01:26:38.840
want to be married to them.

1247
01:26:38.840 --> 01:26:44.360
It just means I am going to focus my time and attention on getting to know this one

1248
01:26:44.360 --> 01:26:52.360
person to see if as we continue to grow and know each other and we'll see if it goes that

1249
01:26:52.360 --> 01:26:53.360
way.

1250
01:26:53.360 --> 01:26:54.360
Yeah.

1251
01:26:54.360 --> 01:26:59.680
I mean, when he, after I said, sure, he said he was really happy about that and he said

1252
01:26:59.680 --> 01:27:05.360
that he wanted to ask me again because to him, things continue to go well every time

1253
01:27:05.360 --> 01:27:06.640
that we were together.

1254
01:27:06.640 --> 01:27:10.560
So where is your hesitation?

1255
01:27:10.560 --> 01:27:14.960
So you're saying that you're being a little more avoidant, so unpack that a little bit.

1256
01:27:14.960 --> 01:27:18.120
Like where is that hesitation?

1257
01:27:18.120 --> 01:27:23.600
The day before he asked me this, I was at a women's conference with some of my family

1258
01:27:23.600 --> 01:27:28.920
and I was talking to my cousin because she gives me a lot of good advice.

1259
01:27:28.920 --> 01:27:32.600
And when I was speaking with her, she understands about the program.

1260
01:27:32.600 --> 01:27:37.920
I've explained like how we do, actually she gives me similar advice than what, like the

1261
01:27:37.920 --> 01:27:45.280
same things you guys were saying, but, um, it got so good with that, but I told her that

1262
01:27:45.280 --> 01:27:51.280
day that I already felt like there was some revealing for heart and for healing for me

1263
01:27:51.280 --> 01:27:57.760
that was going on at that point because I was having a little bit of hesitation, but

1264
01:27:57.760 --> 01:28:03.000
it had nothing to do with him because I couldn't find anything wrong.

1265
01:28:03.000 --> 01:28:05.860
That would be a reason for me not to continue.

1266
01:28:05.860 --> 01:28:10.740
So I've just been sick and I wanted to kind of sit with the Lord and try to find out what

1267
01:28:10.740 --> 01:28:14.980
that was, but I haven't had an opportunity because of not feeling well.

1268
01:28:14.980 --> 01:28:19.780
I'm saying like, even though you're in this level three now, I mean, it doesn't mean that

1269
01:28:19.780 --> 01:28:23.460
you're not going to still, again, ladies, you're going to still continue to do heartwork.

1270
01:28:23.460 --> 01:28:28.620
I'm married and I'm still doing heartwork, you know, doing heartwork more now than ever

1271
01:28:28.620 --> 01:28:29.620
probably.

1272
01:28:29.620 --> 01:28:35.740
Um, and so, yeah, just, I would, again, when those it's really important ladies that as

1273
01:28:35.740 --> 01:28:44.820
you're getting into dating, do not ignore the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions that

1274
01:28:44.820 --> 01:28:47.100
start coming to surface.

1275
01:28:47.100 --> 01:28:48.100
Yeah.

1276
01:28:48.100 --> 01:28:54.460
So, and then again, it's, it's going through that heartwork tool, like the toolkit.

1277
01:28:54.460 --> 01:28:55.460
Okay.

1278
01:28:55.460 --> 01:29:01.260
Where, what am I believing?

1279
01:29:01.260 --> 01:29:05.380
Where's, you know, what am I aligning with?

1280
01:29:05.380 --> 01:29:08.100
Is it causing fear?

1281
01:29:08.100 --> 01:29:09.340
What fear is it?

1282
01:29:09.340 --> 01:29:10.420
It's causing anxiety.

1283
01:29:10.420 --> 01:29:11.980
What is it?

1284
01:29:11.980 --> 01:29:14.260
And is that your truth Lord?

1285
01:29:14.260 --> 01:29:15.260
Right.

1286
01:29:15.260 --> 01:29:17.340
And, and, and walking through that.

1287
01:29:17.340 --> 01:29:25.740
So as I felt like the Lord showed me some, I lost, I was married, got married in 2005

1288
01:29:25.740 --> 01:29:33.780
and, um, and in June, in June, it will be three years since I've totally been away from

1289
01:29:33.780 --> 01:29:34.780
him.

1290
01:29:34.780 --> 01:29:35.780
Okay.

1291
01:29:35.780 --> 01:29:36.780
Okay.

1292
01:29:36.780 --> 01:29:44.460
So, um, but it was a very abusive relationship, um, narcissists, you know, emotional, mental,

1293
01:29:44.460 --> 01:29:49.620
um, basically controlled, trying not to get me to go to see my family, my friends, you

1294
01:29:49.620 --> 01:29:51.620
know, all that stuff.

1295
01:29:51.620 --> 01:29:56.340
So I know that this guy Doug that I'm seeing is, does not have any of those personality

1296
01:29:56.340 --> 01:29:57.340
traits.

1297
01:29:57.340 --> 01:30:00.020
He's not, he's not, he gives.

1298
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:11.560
me time, he doesn't blow my phone up or anything like that, but I was feeling that I still

1299
01:30:11.560 --> 01:30:17.120
need some healing from what was going on there and that God even showed me it's not just

1300
01:30:17.120 --> 01:30:24.280
my ex-husband because a Christian guy that I dated before I married my ex-husband, God

1301
01:30:24.280 --> 01:30:33.160
has been showing me that I did not react well and give that guy a chance as well. So there's

1302
01:30:33.160 --> 01:30:37.880
some things that I need to heal. I just am not sure what it is. Do you know what I mean?

1303
01:30:37.880 --> 01:30:47.920
Yeah. Again, I would just spend some time with the Lord and just again, and keep us

1304
01:30:47.920 --> 01:30:54.160
informed as you spend time with God what kind of stuff is coming to surface. You just need

1305
01:30:54.160 --> 01:30:59.520
to probably spend some quiet time to really kind of see what that is. And again, I really

1306
01:30:59.520 --> 01:31:07.400
want to preface like, what is it that you are believing? What's the belief that's coming

1307
01:31:07.400 --> 01:31:14.680
with that? So is it, and I'm just going to just out off the wall, like, is it a, I can't

1308
01:31:14.680 --> 01:31:23.860
be confident in who I choose because I can't choose men well because I have this past history

1309
01:31:23.860 --> 01:31:31.700
with people and, you know, or I, I, does that kind of make sense? Like, I don't know

1310
01:31:31.700 --> 01:31:37.540
what that, that lie or that, that true, that belief that you're believing is what, what

1311
01:31:37.540 --> 01:31:42.100
is it that's coming to surface? Like for me, oftentimes, like mine is always linked to

1312
01:31:42.100 --> 01:31:47.820
my worth. Like mine oftentimes was that I didn't feel worthy enough.

1313
01:31:47.820 --> 01:31:51.820
Yeah. Well, that's what my cousin actually thought that she was hearing from me when

1314
01:31:51.820 --> 01:31:59.860
I was talking to her. So, and that some of it could be linked to your worth. Yeah. I

1315
01:31:59.860 --> 01:32:08.180
mean, I even felt that not just in my romantic relationships, but when I was growing up,

1316
01:32:08.180 --> 01:32:15.620
I like my dad was the only child that was not a Christian. And I always felt like that

1317
01:32:15.620 --> 01:32:20.940
I was treated differently, but yeah, we don't think that I was, but that's what I thought

1318
01:32:20.940 --> 01:32:26.820
in my head. Like that I didn't fit in with my whole family. So it's not, it's not even

1319
01:32:26.820 --> 01:32:32.740
romantic relationships. And like right now I feel like my grandmother was even being,

1320
01:32:32.740 --> 01:32:37.100
she heard that I was dating and she's like, Oh, you need to take, you need to go talk

1321
01:32:37.100 --> 01:32:41.460
to your pastor to make sure it's okay for you to be dating this guy. And I'm thinking

1322
01:32:41.460 --> 01:32:47.180
I am 51. I don't need to go talk to my pastor right now. And I was like, I have a women,

1323
01:32:47.180 --> 01:32:54.660
a community of women and coaches. So grandma made me feel like she was basically saying

1324
01:32:54.660 --> 01:32:58.020
that I can't pick a good man, even, even though I know she just cares.

1325
01:32:58.020 --> 01:33:02.220
Like family could also, they're just coming from a place of protection too. And again,

1326
01:33:02.220 --> 01:33:07.500
like, yeah, again, I see if anything, this is just, again, it giving you the opportunity

1327
01:33:07.500 --> 01:33:12.620
to have something surface of, of your worth, you know, like you are worthy. What does God

1328
01:33:12.620 --> 01:33:17.900
say about you? Go look up scripture about what does God say about you as his daughter?

1329
01:33:17.900 --> 01:33:25.220
Yeah. I mean, I know what the program, like this dating with this dog has been the best

1330
01:33:25.220 --> 01:33:31.980
dating I've ever had because actually like, like Jackie said about restoring your youth,

1331
01:33:31.980 --> 01:33:37.020
I didn't, I didn't really have the childhood I wanted to have, but when I go on dates with

1332
01:33:37.020 --> 01:33:43.100
him, I, I feel free to be myself and I feel like I am doing things I would have done when I was a,

1333
01:33:43.100 --> 01:33:49.660
when I was younger, when I was a teenager. I do feel that during our dates that our youth,

1334
01:33:49.660 --> 01:33:57.100
that my youth is being restored and then I'm getting those things. So I do see the,

1335
01:33:57.660 --> 01:34:02.940
I do see the growth. Sorry, that's my dog. That makes me feel better. Cause I wasn't

1336
01:34:02.940 --> 01:34:08.460
sure if I had to read Nick and like tell him I, no, no, again, cause again, ladies, when you get

1337
01:34:08.460 --> 01:34:12.620
into that level three, you know, you're still in that, you know, you're still in the process

1338
01:34:12.620 --> 01:34:16.300
of getting to know somebody in level three ladies I'm married and I'm still getting to know my

1339
01:34:16.300 --> 01:34:21.580
husband. Like my husband always says, he's like, babe, we have a whole lifetime to know each other,

1340
01:34:21.580 --> 01:34:26.140
to get to know each other. He's like, we're, I mean, his whole thing is I want to continue to

1341
01:34:26.140 --> 01:34:32.220
keep learning about you every single day until the day we die. Yeah. Like you really do. Like,

1342
01:34:32.220 --> 01:34:36.140
and so even when you're in level three, it doesn't have to, you don't have to mean like,

1343
01:34:36.140 --> 01:34:39.820
oh my gosh, like I made a mistake. I wasn't supposed to do this. No, you're just growing

1344
01:34:39.820 --> 01:34:45.900
and learning. Okay. All right. And you'll continue to keep going in that trajectory and you grow and

1345
01:34:45.900 --> 01:34:50.060
you'll learn some more about each other and you you'll see, you know, is this, is this,

1346
01:34:50.060 --> 01:34:54.380
do we want marriage? Do we want to go down that road? You know, ladies, it can take many,

1347
01:34:54.380 --> 01:34:59.820
many months till you're, you're having those conversations. Okay. It might not.

1348
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.460
You never know, but you're in that process.

1349
01:35:04.460 --> 01:35:07.300
So I think, again, it's just reminding you ladies

1350
01:35:07.300 --> 01:35:11.300
that level two, level three, it's all, it's a process.

1351
01:35:12.780 --> 01:35:17.780
And there's no hard rules about it, okay?

1352
01:35:19.100 --> 01:35:22.660
The only rule I would really love for you ladies to do

1353
01:35:22.660 --> 01:35:24.140
is just to make sure that you come here

1354
01:35:24.140 --> 01:35:27.620
and you keep us updated so that we can check you

1355
01:35:27.660 --> 01:35:29.760
before we wreck you, before you wreck you.

1356
01:35:31.900 --> 01:35:34.480
All right, so just showing up and let us know,

1357
01:35:34.480 --> 01:35:36.680
okay, I've had seven dates, this is what happened,

1358
01:35:36.680 --> 01:35:39.340
and you're enjoying the process,

1359
01:35:39.340 --> 01:35:41.340
you're enjoying getting to know him.

1360
01:35:41.340 --> 01:35:44.660
I say it's green flags, and then as you continue to grow,

1361
01:35:44.660 --> 01:35:48.660
I mean, who knows where it's gonna go,

1362
01:35:48.660 --> 01:35:50.100
but we're here for you.

1363
01:35:50.100 --> 01:35:51.220
All right, thanks Carla.

1364
01:35:51.220 --> 01:35:54.560
I'm gonna do the word thing.

1365
01:35:54.560 --> 01:35:56.860
Sorry, I'm losing, I'm having trouble talking, but.

1366
01:35:56.900 --> 01:35:59.180
Oh, you're good, you're good.

1367
01:35:59.180 --> 01:36:00.740
All right, well, I'm gonna move on to Perla,

1368
01:36:00.740 --> 01:36:03.140
but you keep us posted.

1369
01:36:03.140 --> 01:36:03.980
Okay?

1370
01:36:03.980 --> 01:36:04.800
Thank you so much.

1371
01:36:04.800 --> 01:36:06.180
You're welcome.

1372
01:36:06.180 --> 01:36:07.340
Hey girl, how are you?

1373
01:36:07.340 --> 01:36:09.720
Hey Carla, I'm good.

1374
01:36:11.700 --> 01:36:14.600
Yeah, so this one's a little bit weird.

1375
01:36:16.140 --> 01:36:17.100
I love these.

1376
01:36:18.020 --> 01:36:19.100
Another one.

1377
01:36:19.100 --> 01:36:22.820
No, so I've been on a couple of dates last week,

1378
01:36:22.820 --> 01:36:27.620
and then, okay, I don't even know where to start with this.

1379
01:36:27.620 --> 01:36:31.060
Okay, so Sunday, I went to church up here.

1380
01:36:31.060 --> 01:36:33.320
God was like, go to this church, visit this church.

1381
01:36:33.320 --> 01:36:38.320
Okay, so I went, and this guy and his dad

1382
01:36:38.340 --> 01:36:42.020
sat in front of me at church, really cute guy.

1383
01:36:42.020 --> 01:36:43.420
I was like, ooh, okay.

1384
01:36:43.420 --> 01:36:46.900
So yeah, the dad turned around after service

1385
01:36:46.900 --> 01:36:48.620
and like talked to me for a few minutes,

1386
01:36:48.620 --> 01:36:52.520
and he turns to his son and he's like, I love her.

1387
01:36:53.000 --> 01:36:54.920
Basically nudging him, you know?

1388
01:36:55.880 --> 01:36:57.480
Like make moves, son.

1389
01:36:57.480 --> 01:36:58.760
Exactly.

1390
01:36:58.760 --> 01:37:01.000
And so I was like, thank you, you know?

1391
01:37:02.200 --> 01:37:03.040
But then he walks away.

1392
01:37:03.040 --> 01:37:05.560
Anyway, so the guy asks for my number

1393
01:37:05.560 --> 01:37:07.160
like in a roundabout way.

1394
01:37:07.160 --> 01:37:09.720
He's like, oh, well, you're new to this church, blah, blah,

1395
01:37:09.720 --> 01:37:13.920
blah, I'd love to have coffee with you, et cetera.

1396
01:37:13.920 --> 01:37:15.240
I got my number.

1397
01:37:15.240 --> 01:37:20.240
So this Sunday, because I'd already gone to the church,

1398
01:37:20.760 --> 01:37:22.080
I didn't go to church with him,

1399
01:37:22.080 --> 01:37:26.640
but like we said we were gonna get brunch after church.

1400
01:37:26.640 --> 01:37:29.720
And so we did.

1401
01:37:29.720 --> 01:37:34.720
But Carla, I'm not sure how to even word this.

1402
01:37:35.720 --> 01:37:40.720
Like I'm getting the vibe that maybe he might like men,

1403
01:37:44.080 --> 01:37:48.520
and I don't know how to like properly bring it up or yeah.

1404
01:37:50.320 --> 01:37:51.880
I don't think you can.

1405
01:37:51.880 --> 01:37:54.280
No, I'm not gonna ask the question,

1406
01:37:54.280 --> 01:37:57.880
but like, I'm like, you're great.

1407
01:37:57.880 --> 01:38:01.400
But like in a, you know, I don't know.

1408
01:38:01.400 --> 01:38:02.800
Yeah.

1409
01:38:02.800 --> 01:38:04.360
Well, I mean, that's what I'm saying.

1410
01:38:04.360 --> 01:38:09.360
So, I mean, is he initiating a lot of things or?

1411
01:38:09.360 --> 01:38:13.260
Yeah, he texts me and he like, it sounds like it's,

1412
01:38:15.320 --> 01:38:17.400
he's sweet, he's super sweet.

1413
01:38:17.400 --> 01:38:20.160
And like our conversation was really good,

1414
01:38:20.880 --> 01:38:23.360
I just, yeah, I don't know.

1415
01:38:23.360 --> 01:38:24.800
I get like some mannerisms.

1416
01:38:24.800 --> 01:38:26.280
I was like, oh, wait, is this like,

1417
01:38:26.280 --> 01:38:28.360
are we on a girl date or like?

1418
01:38:28.360 --> 01:38:29.800
Oh, give me an example.

1419
01:38:29.800 --> 01:38:31.400
Okay, because ladies, what I will say,

1420
01:38:31.400 --> 01:38:34.280
there are some men out there that are heterosexual,

1421
01:38:34.280 --> 01:38:38.120
but they are just, they have like feminine tendencies.

1422
01:38:38.120 --> 01:38:39.280
Okay.

1423
01:38:39.280 --> 01:38:44.120
I mean, I don't, I mean, yeah.

1424
01:38:44.120 --> 01:38:46.400
Like there is such a thing as metrosexual,

1425
01:38:46.400 --> 01:38:50.160
like where you're like, man, like you're attractive,

1426
01:38:50.160 --> 01:38:52.760
like you're put together, but there are certain things,

1427
01:38:52.760 --> 01:38:55.360
like, again, and we don't know,

1428
01:38:55.360 --> 01:38:57.080
like, again, you've only known him for a week,

1429
01:38:57.080 --> 01:38:59.640
you don't have all these details.

1430
01:38:59.640 --> 01:39:03.040
I think this is where, again, it's like you allow him

1431
01:39:03.040 --> 01:39:06.240
to initiate and do the pacing part of it

1432
01:39:06.240 --> 01:39:08.400
and seeing where it goes and just reciprocate,

1433
01:39:08.400 --> 01:39:09.480
but you're still getting out,

1434
01:39:09.480 --> 01:39:12.280
you're getting to know people, you're dating,

1435
01:39:12.280 --> 01:39:15.440
you're not tying yourself just to one person.

1436
01:39:15.880 --> 01:39:17.560
And I would just, but yeah, I'm curious,

1437
01:39:17.560 --> 01:39:22.160
like what are some of the things that you are seeing

1438
01:39:22.160 --> 01:39:24.480
that you're like, hmm, he might like men?

1439
01:39:26.480 --> 01:39:30.440
It's more of like a mannerisms, like you said.

1440
01:39:31.600 --> 01:39:33.560
And I mean, I grew up in West Hollywood,

1441
01:39:33.560 --> 01:39:37.600
so it's kind of like, I've got like the gaydar,

1442
01:39:37.600 --> 01:39:39.640
or that's what we call it over here.

1443
01:39:39.640 --> 01:39:40.480
Yeah.

1444
01:39:41.360 --> 01:39:44.680
Well, I mean, where are you at right now in California?

1445
01:39:44.720 --> 01:39:49.000
It could be off right now, so in West Hollywood area.

1446
01:39:49.000 --> 01:39:51.280
Okay, so you're in, like you're in LA.

1447
01:39:51.280 --> 01:39:52.120
Yeah.

1448
01:39:52.120 --> 01:39:54.200
Yeah, you're gonna have, I mean.

1449
01:39:55.720 --> 01:39:58.880
It's a mix, so that's why I'm like, I don't.

1450
01:39:58.880 --> 01:40:00.040
Like, I wouldn't say.

1451
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:05.440
it like that he does like men because I really sometimes wonder if like it's just the culture

1452
01:40:06.400 --> 01:40:14.560
right yeah so that's why I hope so initiate things and see um because again you you can't

1453
01:40:14.560 --> 01:40:21.680
bring it up I know I know maybe I should yeah I don't know I've been trying to think of like

1454
01:40:21.680 --> 01:40:28.000
creative ways but yeah okay I'll just let it happen like talk about like designers and nail

1455
01:40:28.000 --> 01:40:38.000
polish and like um like certain culture things yeah eating habits like okay like so eating

1456
01:40:38.000 --> 01:40:52.560
habits is just eating healthy or yeah but like yeah oh I just feel like I'm with my girlfriend

1457
01:40:52.560 --> 01:41:03.280
question I will say I like this this is fun um yeah I hope he's not let's just yeah that's where

1458
01:41:03.280 --> 01:41:12.080
I'm at let's just give it some time again if you I mean if y'all are in LA I mean I've only been

1459
01:41:12.080 --> 01:41:18.560
to LA like briefly and like San Diego and and things of that nature and um I don't spend a

1460
01:41:18.560 --> 01:41:23.600
whole lot of time out in California um and when I do like we're up in like wine country and stuff

1461
01:41:23.600 --> 01:41:29.360
like that I don't feel you know but safe zone yeah it's a little bit safer you know my husband

1462
01:41:29.360 --> 01:41:38.960
likes the safe zone of California um but yeah I think because of the you know where you're

1463
01:41:38.960 --> 01:41:46.000
geographically located and that's the kind of the men that are like that's that's being projected

1464
01:41:46.000 --> 01:41:55.760
out there you know and so yeah there are men out there that are just a little bit more you know

1465
01:41:57.120 --> 01:42:07.280
into fashion and health and wellness and looking away I mean which I like that yeah and they have

1466
01:42:07.280 --> 01:42:12.400
to deal with that too like it's not just women nowadays men have to to deal with the the

1467
01:42:12.400 --> 01:42:17.440
projection of like what they look like as well and how they dress and and things of that nature

1468
01:42:17.440 --> 01:42:25.440
especially when you're living in that kind of culture so I would just don't bring it up

1469
01:42:26.160 --> 01:42:34.720
I won't not yet anyway and just you know let him initiate to show that you know where you can see

1470
01:42:34.720 --> 01:42:40.640
if he's interested if he's showing interested interest he is asking you out he is doing those

1471
01:42:40.640 --> 01:42:46.960
types of things and those that's what you want to see um you know and then just kind of be on

1472
01:42:46.960 --> 01:42:51.840
the lookout if there's things that he says or does or whatever you know because again you never

1473
01:42:52.400 --> 01:42:55.360
we don't want to assume when we don't really know somebody

1474
01:42:55.920 --> 01:43:00.880
totally and I do want like he's he would make an amazing friend I'm like

1475
01:43:02.160 --> 01:43:06.240
and it is you want to marry your best friends but you don't want to wear your best friend that

1476
01:43:06.320 --> 01:43:12.560
isn't interested in you at that right yes so thank you thanks for your impact

1477
01:43:13.360 --> 01:43:20.640
posted on this one um for sure I will thank you Carla you're welcome all right Anja how are you

1478
01:43:20.640 --> 01:43:29.280
I'm so glad you got to pop on so ladies like I and I want I'm so glad you came on because ladies

1479
01:43:29.280 --> 01:43:35.120
this is what I'm I'm going to preface this is what proper pacing looks like okay so we're

1480
01:43:35.120 --> 01:43:42.400
not rushing into needing to know all the things right away and just allowing it to gradually form

1481
01:43:42.400 --> 01:43:48.800
and getting to know someone and now we're in this stage where it's like okay I spent time getting

1482
01:43:48.800 --> 01:43:56.000
to know this person when's it okay to get into some of those deeper questions this is when like

1483
01:43:56.000 --> 01:44:01.360
you can start unraveling that so we're not saying a hard no you're not supposed to ask

1484
01:44:01.360 --> 01:44:07.680
deep questions we just want you to spend some time at least a couple weeks to a month even

1485
01:44:08.640 --> 01:44:17.040
at least three maybe four dates of getting to know someone before we jump into those deeper

1486
01:44:17.040 --> 01:44:22.480
questions which again it's like a little onion it's just you're gonna peel it layer by layer

1487
01:44:23.280 --> 01:44:31.200
so Anja can you um give the ladies like a quick brief update yeah so it's Anya just so you know

1488
01:44:31.200 --> 01:44:35.920
okay I'm sorry it's okay Ebony still gets my name wrong every week and she laughs about it it's all

1489
01:44:35.920 --> 01:44:47.200
good um yeah so um I matched with a guy on Facebook dating um and it's been just I think about four

1490
01:44:47.200 --> 01:44:53.520
weeks since we started talking but three weeks that we've been going on dates um we actually

1491
01:44:53.520 --> 01:44:59.840
just had a video date yesterday because he's away so that was our fifth date okay and

1492
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:03.380
And yeah, like he, so far is great.

1493
01:45:03.380 --> 01:45:08.640
Like, I feel like we have things in common, even, even if it's things, like

1494
01:45:08.640 --> 01:45:11.780
I said on that video, um, like he's currently training for a marathon.

1495
01:45:11.780 --> 01:45:16.380
I'm not in any shape to run right now, but that's something I've done in the past.

1496
01:45:16.380 --> 01:45:19.320
And so like, we're connecting on, we're finding things similar.

1497
01:45:19.340 --> 01:45:20.960
Um, he's Catholic.

1498
01:45:21.420 --> 01:45:24.180
Um, so that's kind of his roots.

1499
01:45:24.240 --> 01:45:29.220
He's really kind of been finding his way back to the Lord.

1500
01:45:29.220 --> 01:45:35.420
And I do sense that there's at least a genuine connection with there and a

1501
01:45:35.420 --> 01:45:40.860
desire to grow that I think is there even before we met, but he has expressed

1502
01:45:40.860 --> 01:45:48.840
that, that has, like, he even said it last night, like it's, um, kind of felt

1503
01:45:48.840 --> 01:45:54.300
like that was the Lord going like, Hey, it's time, like get moving forward with

1504
01:45:54.300 --> 01:45:54.580
me.

1505
01:45:54.980 --> 01:45:57.380
Um, so that's been really neat to see.

1506
01:45:57.380 --> 01:46:01.900
Um, we've gone on, um, like we did a video date to start.

1507
01:46:01.900 --> 01:46:02.940
Then we've done in-person dates.

1508
01:46:02.940 --> 01:46:03.820
He lives an hour away.

1509
01:46:04.120 --> 01:46:05.960
Um, so he was being intentional.

1510
01:46:05.960 --> 01:46:11.300
Like he wasn't, he was coming to her, not expecting her to come to him.

1511
01:46:11.660 --> 01:46:14.660
And then she was also initiating things as well.

1512
01:46:14.660 --> 01:46:18.180
Like in a way of like, Hey, I'm going to be up in your area.

1513
01:46:18.480 --> 01:46:19.360
Are you free?

1514
01:46:19.360 --> 01:46:20.820
And he's like, absolutely.

1515
01:46:20.820 --> 01:46:25.380
So she's not saying, oh, I can't do this because he has to pursue me and

1516
01:46:25.380 --> 01:46:27.300
initiate because he's already shown that.

1517
01:46:27.300 --> 01:46:32.220
So she's, she's doing the reciprocation super well.

1518
01:46:32.640 --> 01:46:34.380
And so that's starting to show up.

1519
01:46:34.380 --> 01:46:35.760
There's intentionality.

1520
01:46:36.040 --> 01:46:40.420
She's not, you know, I love the fact that like, you didn't just put the ax on him

1521
01:46:40.420 --> 01:46:45.060
just because he had a Catholic background, but you really allowed yourself time to

1522
01:46:45.060 --> 01:46:47.300
see, does he have some fruit?

1523
01:46:48.180 --> 01:46:49.980
Does he have a desire to know the Lord?

1524
01:46:50.300 --> 01:46:50.780
Okay.

1525
01:46:50.780 --> 01:46:53.400
And you didn't have to force it down his throat.

1526
01:46:53.440 --> 01:46:57.600
You didn't have to, you know, interrogate him with the questions, but

1527
01:46:57.600 --> 01:46:59.920
that it just naturally surfaces.

1528
01:46:59.920 --> 01:47:02.040
And so that's what we talk about.

1529
01:47:02.040 --> 01:47:06.600
This organic, natural progression of this type of stuff.

1530
01:47:07.020 --> 01:47:12.920
And so, you know, you know, now you're kind of like, okay, I'm wanting to see

1531
01:47:12.920 --> 01:47:18.220
things and I think you are, I think you're kind of having those authentic

1532
01:47:18.220 --> 01:47:23.200
conversations with him where it's starting to surface.

1533
01:47:24.080 --> 01:47:29.120
And, you know, you're not focused on, oh, where he was at before and what

1534
01:47:29.120 --> 01:47:30.800
his roots are and what his culture.

1535
01:47:30.800 --> 01:47:34.920
It's about what's his heart, what direction is he going?

1536
01:47:35.800 --> 01:47:36.160
Okay.

1537
01:47:36.160 --> 01:47:43.820
Ladies, we want you all to be with men that can spiritually lead you and cover

1538
01:47:43.820 --> 01:47:47.920
you, but it may not look the way that you think it's going to look.

1539
01:47:48.240 --> 01:47:52.560
And it doesn't mean that just because someone doesn't have this like super

1540
01:47:52.560 --> 01:47:57.480
spiritual, religious background, all this prophetic or whatever, that they

1541
01:47:57.480 --> 01:48:07.000
can't step into that and be that in a marriage if that's, you know, who, who

1542
01:48:07.000 --> 01:48:16.200
God has for you and so, but you are also not being the one to push him there.

1543
01:48:17.600 --> 01:48:19.160
I think that's important.

1544
01:48:19.560 --> 01:48:24.640
You're not having to force him to naturally just go ahead

1545
01:48:24.680 --> 01:48:26.280
and move in that direction.

1546
01:48:26.280 --> 01:48:32.040
It looks, it appears from what you share with us, he really does have a desire

1547
01:48:32.880 --> 01:48:35.760
and he's open and he's communicating that with you.

1548
01:48:36.680 --> 01:48:41.440
And so I think, did you also share that he had, um, he has a part-time job.

1549
01:48:42.200 --> 01:48:42.760
Yes.

1550
01:48:42.840 --> 01:48:44.800
And so you were a little unsure about that.

1551
01:48:44.840 --> 01:48:48.200
Have you gotten any more new information about that?

1552
01:48:48.960 --> 01:48:49.320
Yeah.

1553
01:48:49.320 --> 01:48:53.320
So some, it was, some of it was in texting the other day.

1554
01:48:53.360 --> 01:48:55.960
Um, so he's away for a couple of weeks, so we've just been keeping in touch.

1555
01:48:56.280 --> 01:48:59.720
And then he shared a little bit more on the call, not necessarily

1556
01:48:59.720 --> 01:49:05.160
related directly to the job, but so, um, he had, it was noticeable from our

1557
01:49:05.160 --> 01:49:08.000
first call, like he has a speech impediment and so I was just taken

1558
01:49:08.000 --> 01:49:10.280
aback cause I was not expecting it.

1559
01:49:10.880 --> 01:49:15.840
Um, but he kind of, he told me this week, like he has that, he has some

1560
01:49:15.840 --> 01:49:17.200
balance issues, some motor skills.

1561
01:49:17.720 --> 01:49:19.320
Something he's had since birth.

1562
01:49:19.320 --> 01:49:23.200
And then he actually did say yesterday on the call, um, he has

1563
01:49:23.200 --> 01:49:24.920
Asperger's is what they've said.

1564
01:49:25.240 --> 01:49:25.640
Okay.

1565
01:49:26.000 --> 01:49:29.760
He's very like, we have had no trouble communicating.

1566
01:49:30.160 --> 01:49:33.400
He stumbles over words sometimes, but it's nothing like he's really smart.

1567
01:49:33.400 --> 01:49:34.720
Like, Oh yeah.

1568
01:49:34.760 --> 01:49:38.400
He's not like in that sense.

1569
01:49:38.480 --> 01:49:44.360
It just was like, Oh, I'm this never crossed my mind when it came to dating

1570
01:49:44.880 --> 01:49:50.000
Um, but so because of it, I know his mom, he had said was really pushing that he

1571
01:49:50.000 --> 01:49:54.800
would get on some government assistance and, um, she's been gone for a number

1572
01:49:54.800 --> 01:49:59.960
of years now, but like he did it just before she passed and so he gets some.

1573
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:01.880
government assistance and has this job,

1574
01:50:01.880 --> 01:50:05.400
which is in the industry he went to school for.

1575
01:50:05.400 --> 01:50:06.600
He did global tourism.

1576
01:50:06.600 --> 01:50:08.680
It's just that what that has looked like

1577
01:50:08.680 --> 01:50:13.040
is like a hotel in his hometown as a dish.

1578
01:50:13.040 --> 01:50:16.760
So it's more just, yeah, I don't know.

1579
01:50:16.760 --> 01:50:21.160
He shared a little more in terms of that side of things,

1580
01:50:21.160 --> 01:50:23.380
like not necessarily what he wants to do

1581
01:50:23.380 --> 01:50:27.080
or where he's heading, but just where he's currently at

1582
01:50:27.080 --> 01:50:29.040
is partly because of this.

1583
01:50:29.040 --> 01:50:31.480
Okay, so yeah, so now you, I mean, again,

1584
01:50:31.480 --> 01:50:35.680
like you guys have dated for what's been

1585
01:50:35.680 --> 01:50:37.640
over a month now, right?

1586
01:50:37.640 --> 01:50:39.360
Three weeks, almost a month.

1587
01:50:39.360 --> 01:50:42.240
Okay, so again, there's proper pacing here.

1588
01:50:42.240 --> 01:50:45.640
There's, we're seeing green flags.

1589
01:50:45.640 --> 01:50:49.560
So it's not completely

1590
01:50:53.560 --> 01:50:56.960
off the wall to have conversations about,

1591
01:50:56.960 --> 01:50:59.240
so like, what are your goals and your dreams?

1592
01:50:59.240 --> 01:51:02.120
Like, where do you see yourself in five years?

1593
01:51:02.120 --> 01:51:05.200
Like those kinds of questions are okay.

1594
01:51:05.200 --> 01:51:08.640
And now like, you know, and talk about your passions.

1595
01:51:08.640 --> 01:51:11.640
What are things that you're passionate about?

1596
01:51:11.640 --> 01:51:13.320
And so sometimes that can happen too.

1597
01:51:13.320 --> 01:51:14.960
So I would, you know, again,

1598
01:51:14.960 --> 01:51:19.120
just you can start feeling confident and comfortable

1599
01:51:19.120 --> 01:51:22.260
that you can start having some of those deeper conversations,

1600
01:51:22.260 --> 01:51:26.520
those more in depth, like I want to get to know you more now

1601
01:51:27.360 --> 01:51:30.400
on a surface, like not surface level anymore.

1602
01:51:30.400 --> 01:51:33.080
Like now I really want to see like, who are you?

1603
01:51:33.080 --> 01:51:34.320
What are you about?

1604
01:51:34.320 --> 01:51:36.240
What's your drive?

1605
01:51:36.240 --> 01:51:39.760
What are you passionate about?

1606
01:51:41.480 --> 01:51:44.720
And then sharing what you're passionate about

1607
01:51:44.720 --> 01:51:47.800
and seeing how those types of things align.

1608
01:51:47.800 --> 01:51:52.760
So you're saying he has not shared any like desires

1609
01:51:52.760 --> 01:51:56.160
about where his goals and dreams and aspirations are.

1610
01:51:56.800 --> 01:51:59.120
Like, has he not really touched on any of that?

1611
01:51:59.120 --> 01:52:00.560
No, not really.

1612
01:52:00.560 --> 01:52:01.800
Okay.

1613
01:52:01.800 --> 01:52:04.000
Like, I know some of the things he likes,

1614
01:52:04.000 --> 01:52:06.520
like they did traveling when they were younger and stuff.

1615
01:52:06.520 --> 01:52:07.880
And so he's still like,

1616
01:52:07.880 --> 01:52:09.800
he's in Mexico with his dad right now.

1617
01:52:09.800 --> 01:52:11.560
He's, you know, done stuff.

1618
01:52:11.560 --> 01:52:13.880
He moved to Spain a number of years ago for like a year

1619
01:52:13.880 --> 01:52:14.880
just to learn the culture.

1620
01:52:14.880 --> 01:52:16.000
Like there's certain things

1621
01:52:16.000 --> 01:52:18.760
that I can see he's passionate about.

1622
01:52:18.760 --> 01:52:20.680
I just, yeah, he hasn't talked about

1623
01:52:20.680 --> 01:52:22.760
how that translates for.

1624
01:52:22.760 --> 01:52:25.840
Yeah, so I mean, again, when he's on his, you know,

1625
01:52:26.240 --> 01:52:29.000
on this little trip of his, just, you know,

1626
01:52:29.000 --> 01:52:31.160
asking like, oh, what kinds of things did you do?

1627
01:52:31.160 --> 01:52:33.040
Oh, like, you know,

1628
01:52:33.040 --> 01:52:35.880
do you see yourself traveling a lot in the future?

1629
01:52:35.880 --> 01:52:37.520
You know, what's that look like?

1630
01:52:38.480 --> 01:52:40.000
You know, do you have the ability

1631
01:52:40.000 --> 01:52:42.480
to travel frequently now?

1632
01:52:44.480 --> 01:52:46.840
You know, just asking those types of questions

1633
01:52:46.840 --> 01:52:48.720
surrounded by travel, kind of see.

1634
01:52:48.720 --> 01:52:51.680
And again, it's just about that natural flow conversation

1635
01:52:51.680 --> 01:52:53.160
that as you start getting to know,

1636
01:52:53.160 --> 01:52:55.480
like you can start dig,

1637
01:52:55.480 --> 01:52:57.040
like I'm not saying you're digging,

1638
01:52:57.040 --> 01:53:00.800
but you can start getting in more detail about things.

1639
01:53:00.800 --> 01:53:03.880
You know, having that natural form of communication

1640
01:53:03.880 --> 01:53:05.040
of just getting to know each other,

1641
01:53:05.040 --> 01:53:06.680
like some of that stuff can surface.

1642
01:53:06.680 --> 01:53:08.520
And as long as you're reciprocating back and forth,

1643
01:53:08.520 --> 01:53:10.640
being like, oh yeah, you know,

1644
01:53:10.640 --> 01:53:13.760
I really, really love traveling myself.

1645
01:53:14.600 --> 01:53:17.960
No, I can see myself wanting to do that someday.

1646
01:53:17.960 --> 01:53:19.040
Now, of course, you know,

1647
01:53:19.040 --> 01:53:21.360
I love to see myself maybe having children one day.

1648
01:53:21.360 --> 01:53:22.800
So I can't imagine I'm gonna do a whole lot

1649
01:53:22.800 --> 01:53:24.280
of traveling with them.

1650
01:53:25.400 --> 01:53:27.480
But if I had the opportunity to, I mean,

1651
01:53:27.480 --> 01:53:28.440
all sorts of things.

1652
01:53:28.440 --> 01:53:31.880
I mean, I had those conversations with guys when I,

1653
01:53:31.880 --> 01:53:34.400
cause I had a child and I'm like, you know,

1654
01:53:34.400 --> 01:53:36.680
oh, I would love to homeschool

1655
01:53:36.680 --> 01:53:38.880
so I could travel more with my child.

1656
01:53:38.880 --> 01:53:41.360
And, you know, and then lo and behold,

1657
01:53:41.360 --> 01:53:43.600
like my husband actually was homeschooling his kids

1658
01:53:43.600 --> 01:53:44.440
at the time.

1659
01:53:44.440 --> 01:53:46.960
And so that was something that connected us.

1660
01:53:46.960 --> 01:53:48.640
And we kind of saw that we had some of the same,

1661
01:53:48.640 --> 01:53:50.840
similar values and beliefs.

1662
01:53:51.400 --> 01:53:53.600
And, you know, when we first got married,

1663
01:53:53.600 --> 01:53:56.200
I did homeschool my kids for the first year.

1664
01:53:56.200 --> 01:53:59.760
That was a disaster, but we tried it.

1665
01:53:59.760 --> 01:54:01.680
And now our kids are in school.

1666
01:54:01.680 --> 01:54:04.360
And so life is taking us a completely different way.

1667
01:54:05.480 --> 01:54:06.400
But that's like,

1668
01:54:06.400 --> 01:54:08.680
you can start having those types of conversations

1669
01:54:08.680 --> 01:54:11.000
and just putting those little tidbits in

1670
01:54:11.000 --> 01:54:13.440
and those drops in of like, you know, wow,

1671
01:54:13.440 --> 01:54:15.680
like, you know, tell me more about you.

1672
01:54:15.680 --> 01:54:17.960
Like we've had a lot of these conversations,

1673
01:54:17.960 --> 01:54:19.360
but, you know, I'd like to know,

1674
01:54:19.360 --> 01:54:21.360
like, what would you like to do in five years?

1675
01:54:21.360 --> 01:54:22.960
Where do you see yourself?

1676
01:54:22.960 --> 01:54:26.200
Like, you can start asking those questions.

1677
01:54:26.200 --> 01:54:29.960
We just don't want you diving into those questions

1678
01:54:29.960 --> 01:54:31.400
too early.

1679
01:54:31.400 --> 01:54:32.240
Yeah.

1680
01:54:32.240 --> 01:54:33.640
Because what can happen

1681
01:54:33.640 --> 01:54:37.440
if you start finding out all this information

1682
01:54:37.440 --> 01:54:40.680
about these deeper topics,

1683
01:54:40.680 --> 01:54:45.000
what it can lead to is this fantasy world

1684
01:54:45.000 --> 01:54:47.160
where now you start fantasizing

1685
01:54:47.200 --> 01:54:49.600
what life is going to be like with this person.

1686
01:54:49.600 --> 01:54:52.280
And I want to fantasize that this is my husband

1687
01:54:52.280 --> 01:54:54.360
and this is what it's going to look like.

1688
01:54:54.360 --> 01:54:57.680
And then when things don't turn out that way,

1689
01:54:57.680 --> 01:54:59.400
you kind of get tore up.

1690
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:06.760
or you don't see red flags because you're looking through a lens of this fantasy because

1691
01:55:06.760 --> 01:55:14.560
you got information about someone on a deeper level way too soon or they got information

1692
01:55:14.560 --> 01:55:21.440
about you on a deeper level way too soon in those first initial dating conversations.

1693
01:55:21.440 --> 01:55:31.520
So that's why I'm saying like good pacing would be, you know, at least a month before

1694
01:55:31.520 --> 01:55:38.200
that and at least having three to four dates before we really start seeing where is this

1695
01:55:38.200 --> 01:55:39.200
going to lead.

1696
01:55:39.200 --> 01:55:43.480
So again, for those of you that might've popped in later, you know, I was talking about the

1697
01:55:43.480 --> 01:55:50.920
level two and level threes of relationship that level two has like level two A and level

1698
01:55:50.920 --> 01:55:57.680
two B, you know, you're going to have a slow pacing at the beginning of level two, but

1699
01:55:57.680 --> 01:56:02.320
it doesn't mean that you'll gradually get into having those deeper conversations because

1700
01:56:02.320 --> 01:56:08.520
ladies you can't get to level three exclusivity unless you have some deeper levels of conversation,

1701
01:56:08.520 --> 01:56:13.480
but we just don't want you having them too prematurely in dates one, two, three, and

1702
01:56:13.480 --> 01:56:18.320
maybe even four, depending on how quickly you're having dates.

1703
01:56:18.320 --> 01:56:25.200
Like some people have had like 10 dates in 10 days and it's like, Whoa, hold on.

1704
01:56:25.200 --> 01:56:28.200
Like you haven't known this person for two weeks.

1705
01:56:28.200 --> 01:56:35.640
Like let's really learn and let's really make sure that our heart is not responding from

1706
01:56:35.640 --> 01:56:40.800
a place of brokenness, but it's coming from a place of healed and that we're entering

1707
01:56:40.800 --> 01:56:44.320
into relationships in a healthy way and a healed way.

1708
01:56:44.320 --> 01:56:46.040
All right.

1709
01:56:46.040 --> 01:56:48.760
But please keep us posted.

1710
01:56:48.760 --> 01:56:49.760
I'm excited.

1711
01:56:49.760 --> 01:56:52.160
Like I'm really excited for you.

1712
01:56:52.160 --> 01:56:57.480
Like this has been such an amazing journey to see you walk on.

1713
01:56:57.480 --> 01:57:02.200
And I know you would even mention how like you at first weren't sure like seven dates,

1714
01:57:02.200 --> 01:57:04.320
like how is that going to happen?

1715
01:57:04.320 --> 01:57:14.840
And ladies like super naturally, it just unlocks, you know, ladies, when you show up

1716
01:57:14.840 --> 01:57:19.360
and you do the work here in phase one and phase two, it doesn't take long.

1717
01:57:19.360 --> 01:57:24.640
Like God can like add his super to your natural, like you really can.

1718
01:57:24.640 --> 01:57:28.840
All right, ladies, it has been two hours now.

1719
01:57:28.840 --> 01:57:30.040
It's been such a pleasure.

1720
01:57:30.040 --> 01:57:34.480
I hope you ladies hopefully got some clarity.

1721
01:57:34.480 --> 01:57:39.680
I know sometimes things can be very confusing and frustrating, especially for those of you

1722
01:57:39.680 --> 01:57:40.680
that were like me.

1723
01:57:40.680 --> 01:57:44.520
And I'm like, I need rules to follow and I need a checklist and I need to know what I'm

1724
01:57:44.520 --> 01:57:45.560
doing right and wrong.

1725
01:57:45.560 --> 01:57:50.000
And I know it in a perfect world, that would be wonderful, but that's not the way that

1726
01:57:50.000 --> 01:57:51.000
it is.

1727
01:57:51.000 --> 01:57:57.560
So I hope we've helped enlighten you and given you some clarity and helps you understand

1728
01:57:57.560 --> 01:58:01.640
just how important it is just to keep showing up and letting us know what's going on and

1729
01:58:01.640 --> 01:58:07.040
that we're here to help you keep a balance and that we've got your back.

1730
01:58:07.040 --> 01:58:08.040
All right.

1731
01:58:08.040 --> 01:58:15.520
We are the like secret service, if you will, the security team for God and keeping you

1732
01:58:15.520 --> 01:58:16.520
protected.

1733
01:58:16.520 --> 01:58:17.520
Okay.

1734
01:58:17.520 --> 01:58:21.440
All right, ladies, have a wonderful rest of your day and I will see you all next week.