WEBVTT

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All right, we are up.

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Okay, so I'm just going to repeat a couple of things that I said just now, really important

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stuff.

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You guys, you cannot be waiting for one person to fulfill all of your needs.

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That's not going to happen.

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Okay?

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And it's actually going to put a lot of pressure on the relationship if you're looking to each

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other to fulfill needs that are not meant to be fulfilled by each other.

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The main thing, the main, the one thing for sure, I mean, I really believe in best friends

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getting married.

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Okay?

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But they're not going to be your only best friend.

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Okay?

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They're going to be your best friend in a way that other people cannot be because there's

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an intimacy.

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There's a physical intimacy within that relationship.

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And that is the one area where you're going to have to really work together to have your

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needs met by each other in physical intimacy, because that really is going to be your outlet

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for that, each other.

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Okay?

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Everything else, there's going to be other players in the story, other characters in

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the story.

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Okay?

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Female friends, ladies, male friends, guys, men, you need other men.

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Please hear me.

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You need other men.

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You are not a silo.

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If you do not have good male mentorship and friendship in your life, then God wants to

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give you that.

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You will not have a healthy marriage if you do not have men that are helping to mentor

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you and model what it looks like to be further down this road than you are.

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As far as marriage and family is concerned, as far as finances are concerned, or business

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is concerned, none of us have ever arrived to a place where there should not be someone

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in the room that you put yourself in that is further ahead than you.

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If you are in rooms where you're the furthest ahead, then you're in the wrong room.

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You're in the wrong room in life.

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If you are only in rooms where you are the top dog, or you're the person that knows the

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most in any area, all the areas, that is not the right room for you to be in, okay?

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We have to be deposited into, and then we have to deposit into others.

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It's very, very, very important.

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All right, so I just wanted to start out tonight by saying that because so many of you are

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waiting for your life to start when you meet this other person, and you have so many things

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on hold, you're not nurturing important relationships that you're going to need for the marriage.

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We have something that we do in Symbus.

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It is one of the modules that we do, and it's all about community.

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I believe that strong marriages are surrounded by strong communities and families, and it

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talks about who's around you, who do you have in your life, who is in favor of this relationship.

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It talks about that stuff.

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I've often thought we should just come in here and teach Symbus to all of you, even

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if you're not in a serious marriage-minded relationship yet, because it's really important.

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If you don't have anybody in your life, then you need to begin to declare proverbs, I'll

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think of it in a second, over yourself that says God takes the solitary person and he

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places them in family.

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He places them in community.

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That's a promise from the Lord.

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Now, you can't be a big fat jerk.

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Sometimes people are not in community because they don't know how to get along with anybody

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else.

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If you don't know how to get along with anybody else, then that's a whole different issue.

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If everywhere you go, you leave offended, and you leave saying, oh, those people are

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not nice people, or those people are rude, or those people, they shut me out, or they're

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clicky.

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If that's always your story, then guess what?

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You're the problem.

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If there's a pattern, and you need to take a look at it, because that means that something

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about you and what you're doing is off.

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It's painful to look in the mirror and realize that you're the problem.

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It's painful.

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It's painful when you can't blame anybody else.

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You can blame other people for the rest of your life, but that's just going to keep you

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stuck and you're never going to go forward.

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Yes, sometimes there are things that other people, they're the problem.

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But if we keep picking people that are the problem, then guess what?

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We're still the problem.

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It's important that we understand and we own our side of the street and clean it up.

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That's really, really important.

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It's going to show in these relationships that you're beginning to choose.

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These dating, these dates that you're starting to go on, if you have hard stuff, it's going

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to come up pretty quickly in the form of being very judgmental and critical of other

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people, very picky, very unrealistic expectations of what it should look like to date, especially

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for some of you at your age.

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You're like, Jackie, does the game change when we get older?

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Yeah, it changes a thousand percent.

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A thousand percent it changes, okay?

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In a lot of ways.

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We can get into that tonight.

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dating in the generations.

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We can talk about dating in different generations.

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We got some Gen Z, we have some millennials,

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we have some Gen X, we have some Xennials,

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and we have some boomers.

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Do we have anyone from the greatest generation?

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I wouldn't think we did,

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but do we have anyone who's in their 80s here?

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We used to.

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You guys, our oldest success story is 81,

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just so you know.

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Just so you know.

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So I thought it was important to just kick off tonight

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with just some sobering ideas, okay?

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Because so many of us, we're really getting to a place

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where we're gonna be hard to please.

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We really are.

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Especially after we get over the whole novelty

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of the whole thing, right?

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And the adventure of the whole thing.

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When it starts settling in that this person

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actually really likes you,

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that's when you're gonna be like, eh.

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So we can jump into a little bit of that.

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You guys, Gen Z has been absolutely ruined by online life.

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And they have to get to a point where they're gonna decide

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that they don't wanna live their entire life virtually.

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Okay, it's a real problem.

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It's a real problem, okay?

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So do you guys know, you guys,

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I wanna blow your mind a little bit.

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I want to blow your mind a little bit.

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Do you know that a poll of 25-year-old men

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showed that less than 5% of them

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had ever asked out a woman in person?

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95% of them, if they had ever asked out a woman,

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because huge, huge numbers of them

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had never even asked anyone out.

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But if they had asked out a woman,

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95% of them had done it virtually.

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Text, online, on a dating app, on social media.

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Gentlemen, those of you that are here,

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ladies, you as well,

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gentlemen, if you have ever face-to-face

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asked a woman on a date, raise your hand.

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Ladies, if you've ever been asked on a date face-to-face,

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the guy standing in front of you asking you

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if you will go out with him to wherever,

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I want everyone to put their hands up.

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Face-to-face, you've been asked on a date.

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Don't forget, you guys, I'm on my phone,

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so I can only see a little bit of you at a time.

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Someday we're gonna get that studio fixed.

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All right, not at all, not at all to draw attention to him,

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but I just want to confirm.

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Okay, now I see the hands up.

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I don't need to confirm, it's been confirmed.

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Okay, all right, so most of you have your hands up.

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There's a handful of you.

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Okay, so put your hands down.

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Everyone put your virtual hand down.

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All right, we're gonna go ahead and move on to the next one.

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A handful of you, okay, so put your hands down.

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Everyone put your virtual hand down.

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Most of you have been asked on a date in person.

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A long, long time ago, is what somebody said.

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All right, come on, put the hands down.

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You guys remember going to the mall?

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Do you remember going to the mall

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and someone would just come up to you at the mall

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and be like, hey, you're cute, you want to go to the movies?

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Does anyone remember those days?

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Oh my gosh, right?

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Things were so much easier then.

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Guys, this virtual stuff,

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we have to bring back community-based matchmaking,

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which is what we're trying to do here.

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I want you to raise your hand

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if you have ever just sat

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and scrolled through potential movies to watch

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on Netflix, on Prime, on Hulu,

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and watched the trailers for them,

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just looked at the movies,

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but you never actually picked one

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and it got too late

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because you had been scrolling for so long

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and then you went to bed.

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Raise your hand if you ever did that.

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And if you haven't, then maybe you don't have Netflix.

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Raise your hand if you have ever scrolled

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and sampled, but not actually chosen a movie.

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All right, put your hands down.

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Guys, that's what dating apps are like.

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That's what dating apps are like.

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People are just forever scrolling,

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they're not making a decision,

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they're not choosing anything.

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It's like, oh, and you know why you never choose a movie?

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It's not because some of the movies that you sampled

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or looked at the trailer of didn't look good.

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You're always thinking,

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oh, I bet you there's something better.

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That looks good, but I bet you there's something better.

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I don't know if I'm in the mood for that or not.

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Maybe, but let me see what else is out there.

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That's why.

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That's why, you guys.

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It is the illusion or delusion of an endless options.

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Endless options, okay?

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Just so you know, I know that there are a lot of movies

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that are not that great,

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but that is not how I'm likening the dating apps

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of just garbage people,

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just scrolling through garbage people.

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That is not, that is not.

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That is not what I'm saying at all.

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Okay, so we have to understand that technology,

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even though it was meant to connect us,

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it's really disconnecting us in a lot of ways.

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Right here, right now, it's connecting us,

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but in a lot of ways, it's disconnecting us.

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And so we have to overcome this.

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We have to overcome this by, you know, getting in person.

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You guys, spring is sprung here in Texas.

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It's in the 70s.

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It's gonna stay here.

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March is on its way.

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The spring solstice is coming.

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It's gonna happen on, what, the 20th of March.

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Gotta get outside.

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No, not a ring by spring.

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You guys, you gotta stop cutting up and pay attention.

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I have a feeling some of you

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were in detention a lot in school.

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Okay, so it's important that we understand

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and we stay focused on getting in person.

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That's all of your assignment.

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All of your assignment going forward into March

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is to get in person as much as possible.

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I don't care if you've done it before.

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Do it again and again and again and again.

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And remind yourself that you were created for this,

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that you were created for a relationship.

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And you guys, I don't mean get in person

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just to find someone of the opposite sex

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to have a romance with.

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Get in person to find some friends.

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Get in person to find some community.

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Get in person to bless other people

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with the gift that is you.

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You're a gift.

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And you've been keeping you all to yourself.

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It's time to get out.

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Some of you talk to yourself way too much.

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I know we all talk to ourselves,

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but some of y'all having long,

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drawn-out conversations with yourself

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because you spend too much time alone.

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And it's time.

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And you know what else happens

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when you spend too much time alone?

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When you actually do get with other people,

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one of two things happens.

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You don't talk at all or you talk way too much.

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And so let's give ourself to other people in small doses,

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all right, if we've been isolated for too long.

253
00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:34.160
All right, loveseat time.

254
00:12:34.160 --> 00:12:36.840
I know Nora was on my list because I remember seeing that.

255
00:12:36.840 --> 00:12:38.440
So Nora, you're up.

256
00:12:39.520 --> 00:12:40.360
Hello.

257
00:12:41.880 --> 00:12:42.720
Hold on a second.

258
00:12:42.720 --> 00:12:44.400
I'm gonna see if I can spotlight you.

259
00:12:48.520 --> 00:12:49.480
Oh, wow.

260
00:12:49.480 --> 00:12:51.040
My face is very big now.

261
00:12:51.300 --> 00:12:52.660
Well, it's the same size.

262
00:12:52.660 --> 00:12:53.580
The screen's just bigger.

263
00:12:53.580 --> 00:12:55.700
Well, now I'm talking to myself.

264
00:12:55.700 --> 00:12:56.540
All right.

265
00:12:56.540 --> 00:12:57.360
I'm talking to myself.

266
00:12:57.360 --> 00:12:58.200
This is weird.

267
00:12:58.200 --> 00:12:59.040
Okay.

268
00:12:59.040 --> 00:12:59.860
Let's hear you.

269
00:12:59.860 --> 00:13:00.700
Let's hear it.

270
00:13:00.700 --> 00:13:01.540
What do you got?

271
00:13:01.540 --> 00:13:02.360
So hopefully this is more of like a logistical,

272
00:13:02.360 --> 00:13:03.620
simple, like not complex question.

273
00:13:03.620 --> 00:13:06.060
But so as I mentioned before,

274
00:13:06.060 --> 00:13:07.460
I joined a powerlifting gym

275
00:13:07.460 --> 00:13:11.060
and that has entailed an overhaul in the way I eat.

276
00:13:11.060 --> 00:13:12.140
And it's pretty regimented.

277
00:13:12.140 --> 00:13:13.100
Like they have me on a program

278
00:13:13.100 --> 00:13:15.700
where I'm eating like six meals a day, set times,

279
00:13:15.700 --> 00:13:18.420
and like very specific macros.

280
00:13:18.420 --> 00:13:20.700
And I'm realizing like at the same time

281
00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:22.200
that I'm diving into this,

282
00:13:22.200 --> 00:13:23.640
I'm also, you know, foraying into dating

283
00:13:23.640 --> 00:13:25.200
and I'm realizing just how much food

284
00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:26.960
is involved with dating, you know,

285
00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:29.600
going out to eat, all that stuff.

286
00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:31.520
And so I wanted to get your take on this.

287
00:13:31.520 --> 00:13:33.880
Like, I mean, I really do want to like

288
00:13:33.880 --> 00:13:36.280
give this whole powerlifting thing a shot,

289
00:13:36.280 --> 00:13:40.000
but like I went on a date with a guy on Sunday

290
00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:41.440
and he was super sweet about it.

291
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:42.400
He was like really understanding.

292
00:13:42.400 --> 00:13:43.240
He's like, oh, I don't want,

293
00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.320
like I understand your whole like powerlifting thing.

294
00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:46.160
That's really cool.

295
00:13:46.160 --> 00:13:47.840
But then in the moment, like he was like,

296
00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:49.240
oh, hey, do you want to get dinner?

297
00:13:49.260 --> 00:13:50.580
And I like, I said no,

298
00:13:50.580 --> 00:13:52.560
cause I thought it sounded fun,

299
00:13:52.560 --> 00:13:54.500
but I was like, I don't want it to be too long of a date.

300
00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:57.140
And also like, I want to eat my macros,

301
00:13:57.140 --> 00:13:58.140
but we're going out again.

302
00:13:58.140 --> 00:13:59.800
I feel like it's just going to keep coming up.

303
00:13:59.800 --> 00:14:02.780
So I'm curious, like, I don't,

304
00:14:02.780 --> 00:14:04.700
I want to stick to like go after my goals,

305
00:14:04.700 --> 00:14:07.700
but I also want to be flexible and not be like a bird.

306
00:14:07.700 --> 00:14:09.540
I think I have this fear of like being a burden

307
00:14:09.540 --> 00:14:12.100
and being a people pleaser in general.

308
00:14:12.100 --> 00:14:14.460
So I want to get your take on that whole situation,

309
00:14:14.460 --> 00:14:17.020
how to maybe talk about it and handle it.

310
00:14:17.020 --> 00:14:18.840
Okay. So first of all,

311
00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:21.040
everybody who's on any kind of health kick

312
00:14:21.040 --> 00:14:24.360
and you know that restaurant food is full of seed oils

313
00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:26.520
and all kinds of crazy stuff.

314
00:14:26.520 --> 00:14:29.140
So, you know, if you have any say in the restaurant,

315
00:14:29.140 --> 00:14:30.080
I don't think that, I mean,

316
00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:31.960
a lot of dates do revolve around food.

317
00:14:31.960 --> 00:14:33.480
They don't have to.

318
00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:36.400
And so if you can get an action date,

319
00:14:36.400 --> 00:14:39.160
an action date of some sort, that's great.

320
00:14:39.160 --> 00:14:40.880
But it is nice, you guys,

321
00:14:40.880 --> 00:14:42.200
food is a big part of our lives

322
00:14:42.200 --> 00:14:43.940
and it is nice to share a meal with someone.

323
00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:47.120
So what you can do is you can, in advance,

324
00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:51.040
I mean, almost every single restaurant has a meat,

325
00:14:51.040 --> 00:14:52.720
a starch and a vegetable.

326
00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:54.800
Okay. And so that's what you order.

327
00:14:54.800 --> 00:14:57.080
And if you have to order it a la carte and put it there,

328
00:14:57.080 --> 00:14:58.560
you know, if someone thinks you're high maintenance,

329
00:14:58.560 --> 00:15:00.520
all you have to say is, hey, you know.

330
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:02.880
Oh, I am, I'm, I'm, I'm doing this powerlifting thing.

331
00:15:02.880 --> 00:15:03.960
I mean, that's super cool.

332
00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:04.700
You just tell them.

333
00:15:04.700 --> 00:15:07.660
And so, you know, my diet's a little boring right now.

334
00:15:07.660 --> 00:15:11.800
I'm just, you know, trying to stay on my macros, but I really want to succeed at

335
00:15:11.800 --> 00:15:15.200
this and then you guys, if you go to a restaurant, you can always ask them to

336
00:15:15.200 --> 00:15:18.080
fry your steak in butter instead of seed oils.

337
00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.360
I mean, you can, you can be that person.

338
00:15:20.820 --> 00:15:24.440
I know a lot of us don't want to be that person, but you can be that person.

339
00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:29.280
And so if I were you, I would just make sure that you're not going Chinese.

340
00:15:29.280 --> 00:15:33.040
You're not going someplace where, you know, um, you can't

341
00:15:33.040 --> 00:15:34.880
find the things that you need.

342
00:15:35.400 --> 00:15:36.720
Yeah, that's good.

343
00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:37.800
I mean, I'm kind of wrestling with it.

344
00:15:37.800 --> 00:15:38.960
Cause this guy is from Iran.

345
00:15:38.960 --> 00:15:40.660
And so like, I, there's an Iranian food place.

346
00:15:40.660 --> 00:15:42.680
And one of my favorite things is like experiencing cuisine.

347
00:15:42.680 --> 00:15:46.140
Like there's, it's, it's sort of like painful for me.

348
00:15:46.140 --> 00:15:49.280
Like, Oh, I want to experience, you're not going to live like this forever.

349
00:15:49.620 --> 00:15:51.800
Well, this gym is like, yes you are.

350
00:15:51.800 --> 00:15:53.520
And so I I'm wrestling with that too.

351
00:15:53.520 --> 00:15:57.440
I don't know what's going to work for me, but I think it's like, I mean,

352
00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:01.040
every once in a while, you know, I mean, you're going to experience, like you

353
00:16:01.040 --> 00:16:03.280
said, you like to experience different cuisines.

354
00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:04.120
Yeah.

355
00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:04.600
Yeah.

356
00:16:04.640 --> 00:16:05.520
So, okay.

357
00:16:05.560 --> 00:16:08.220
But I think it's more having that conversation with him.

358
00:16:08.220 --> 00:16:11.040
Like, it's hard for me to even say, like, I have a hard time even just

359
00:16:11.040 --> 00:16:14.360
saying something that I think might be an inconvenience to someone,

360
00:16:14.360 --> 00:16:16.240
whether it's like food or anything.

361
00:16:16.280 --> 00:16:18.800
Like, and the thing is, is that that's why this is good for you.

362
00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:19.360
Yeah.

363
00:16:19.360 --> 00:16:23.240
This is where you overcome that you're an inconvenience and that you have to be,

364
00:16:23.600 --> 00:16:25.600
you have to be what I call a gray rock.

365
00:16:26.560 --> 00:16:32.040
You know just a lot of times when people have been in abusive and even narcissistic

366
00:16:32.040 --> 00:16:36.200
tendency, guys, not narcissists, but narcissistic tendency relationships

367
00:16:36.200 --> 00:16:40.360
where somebody makes it all about them and they gaslight you and all that.

368
00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:42.960
A lot of people that have been raised in those environments who have

369
00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:44.160
been around those environments.

370
00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:47.880
They will take on this gray rock syndrome where they just want to

371
00:16:47.880 --> 00:16:49.240
not draw attention to themselves.

372
00:16:49.240 --> 00:16:50.080
They're just a gray rock.

373
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:50.560
Yeah.

374
00:16:50.600 --> 00:16:53.240
They don't want to be a bother or a burden.

375
00:16:53.280 --> 00:16:55.520
They don't want to make a fuss.

376
00:16:55.520 --> 00:16:59.480
They don't want to, you know, it basically is like, if I don't draw

377
00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:03.440
attention to myself, then no one is going to hurt me or gaslight me or

378
00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:04.960
like, like, I'm just going to be invisible.

379
00:17:05.319 --> 00:17:05.560
Yeah.

380
00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:07.480
I know.

381
00:17:07.560 --> 00:17:09.560
Well, you haven't been doing it lately.

382
00:17:09.560 --> 00:17:11.560
You've been coming on here being the life of the party.

383
00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:15.760
You're power lifting, you know, skinny little white girl.

384
00:17:15.800 --> 00:17:18.079
And I'm like, go girl, go girl.

385
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:20.640
And, um, I think you're coming out of your shell.

386
00:17:20.800 --> 00:17:21.200
Okay.

387
00:17:21.240 --> 00:17:24.599
It's harder for, it's easier for me with like friends versus like a dating

388
00:17:24.599 --> 00:17:26.960
situation, but I am, you guys are helping me come out of it.

389
00:17:26.960 --> 00:17:28.920
So I'm going to apply that knowledge.

390
00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:30.720
This is, this is your challenge.

391
00:17:30.760 --> 00:17:31.200
All right.

392
00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:32.480
You get to be a rainbow rock.

393
00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:33.560
You get to be a rainbow rock.

394
00:17:33.600 --> 00:17:34.040
Okay.

395
00:17:34.120 --> 00:17:39.360
You get to be, you get to be fun and you know, a little eccentric with your

396
00:17:39.360 --> 00:17:42.320
eating and it's like, okay, it's all right.

397
00:17:43.760 --> 00:17:44.120
Okay.

398
00:17:44.120 --> 00:17:44.600
Sounds good.

399
00:17:44.600 --> 00:17:46.920
I'll be a eccentric rainbow rock.

400
00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:47.680
Yes.

401
00:17:47.720 --> 00:17:51.280
If you were a Baskin Robbins, you would not be the vanilla flavor.

402
00:17:51.320 --> 00:17:53.000
You would be some other flavor.

403
00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:53.920
Choose which one.

404
00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:56.880
Is it going to be, you know, what is it going to be?

405
00:17:57.520 --> 00:17:59.320
That's what, that's what you are.

406
00:18:00.520 --> 00:18:02.480
He literally got ice cream and was eating it in front of me.

407
00:18:02.480 --> 00:18:04.160
And I was like, I'm not, I'm not doing that.

408
00:18:05.320 --> 00:18:07.480
I mean, it's listen, I'm not saying that part of it's not going to

409
00:18:07.480 --> 00:18:09.160
be hard because food is amazing.

410
00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:09.920
I know.

411
00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:10.960
Yeah.

412
00:18:11.040 --> 00:18:12.520
You know, this is good.

413
00:18:12.520 --> 00:18:12.960
Okay.

414
00:18:13.040 --> 00:18:13.720
It is good.

415
00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:15.480
And this is such a great challenge for you.

416
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:18.080
So make sure you come back and report to us how you do on this.

417
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:18.880
Cause we want to know.

418
00:18:19.120 --> 00:18:19.640
All right.

419
00:18:20.600 --> 00:18:21.680
We want to know.

420
00:18:21.760 --> 00:18:23.240
Inquiring minds want to know.

421
00:18:23.280 --> 00:18:23.680
Okay.

422
00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:27.120
Um, remove spotlight and remove spotlight.

423
00:18:27.600 --> 00:18:28.120
Okay.

424
00:18:28.520 --> 00:18:28.880
All right.

425
00:18:28.920 --> 00:18:30.480
Let me just take a look at my sheet.

426
00:18:30.520 --> 00:18:32.520
I think that I can scroll up and look here.

427
00:18:35.880 --> 00:18:36.240
Okay.

428
00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:38.880
You guys, I have Juliana Elizabeth.

429
00:18:39.280 --> 00:18:40.520
Come on down.

430
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:41.600
That's me.

431
00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:42.760
Hi.

432
00:18:43.560 --> 00:18:43.960
Let me see.

433
00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:45.520
Hold on a second.

434
00:18:46.560 --> 00:18:47.040
Julie.

435
00:18:50.080 --> 00:18:50.880
Okay.

436
00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:51.720
Spotlight.

437
00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:54.800
And all right, Juliana, you're up house.

438
00:18:54.800 --> 00:18:55.320
What's up?

439
00:18:56.000 --> 00:18:59.920
I have the opposite problem of Nora, um, where I've always been

440
00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:01.520
comfortable being fully myself.

441
00:19:02.120 --> 00:19:05.800
And, um, but I'm running into two different things.

442
00:19:05.800 --> 00:19:12.120
I find that when I hide who I am and I, I soften who I am and I'm not fully who I

443
00:19:12.120 --> 00:19:13.520
am, that's when I get asked out.

444
00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:16.960
That's when I get asked to be a girlfriend, but when I'm fully myself,

445
00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:19.640
even with all your dating advice, I've been here almost two years.

446
00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:24.080
Um, that's when I have two situations I run into continuously.

447
00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:30.240
The first one is within the first four or five dates, a couple of weeks ago, I

448
00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:32.960
had this on the actual, I think it was the third or fourth date.

449
00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:37.160
I was just shocked where I live in South Carolina.

450
00:19:37.160 --> 00:19:42.760
So it's, it's already assumed culturally that the man is the one who pays.

451
00:19:42.760 --> 00:19:46.080
The man is the one who, you know, that's just cultural here.

452
00:19:46.200 --> 00:19:51.280
I find that when I am fully myself and I, I like to, you know, discuss politics

453
00:19:51.280 --> 00:19:55.200
and I mean, obviously I don't go crazy, but, um, I'm a lawyer.

454
00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:58.400
So like, I mean, I just being myself.

455
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.880
my strong crazy self and love books and love all my interests and just try to be myself

456
00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:05.880
with the guy.

457
00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:12.200
Inevitably, I'll get the, the, the, well, I forgot my wallet and I'm like, it's happened

458
00:20:12.200 --> 00:20:15.560
to me three times where they didn't forget their wallet and then they make way more money

459
00:20:15.560 --> 00:20:16.560
than me.

460
00:20:16.560 --> 00:20:17.560
It's not a money thing.

461
00:20:17.560 --> 00:20:23.720
They just, I do something, I don't know, um, where it's, they're expecting me to pay for

462
00:20:23.720 --> 00:20:24.720
the whole date.

463
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:26.400
And I'm like, that's not.

464
00:20:26.400 --> 00:20:31.880
And then the second pattern I run into is, um, I'll have these great guys that I'm actually

465
00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:32.880
attracted to.

466
00:20:32.880 --> 00:20:35.600
And I'm like, Oh my gosh, that's the type of guy I've always wanted.

467
00:20:35.600 --> 00:20:41.560
And it's happened to me probably 15 times in my life where I will, um, start to get

468
00:20:41.560 --> 00:20:42.560
attracted to them.

469
00:20:42.560 --> 00:20:48.160
They'll ask, they'll like really start pursuing me and acting like they're really interested.

470
00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:54.760
Um, and then I'll start letting my guard down and being myself and they'll just like disappear.

471
00:20:54.760 --> 00:20:55.760
So I'm finding myself.

472
00:20:55.760 --> 00:20:58.520
I'm like, I can't, I feel like I can't be myself.

473
00:20:58.520 --> 00:20:59.520
Okay.

474
00:20:59.520 --> 00:21:04.040
When you say letting your guard down and being yourself, what does that look like?

475
00:21:04.040 --> 00:21:12.620
Um, well, I, I mean, I don't like, it happened a couple of weeks ago with this guy.

476
00:21:12.620 --> 00:21:14.880
He's also in politics.

477
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:21.120
And when I was being really demure and like asking him questions about himself and stuff,

478
00:21:21.120 --> 00:21:24.960
he was really, um, interested.

479
00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:28.440
And like one day he came over and sat at my table at an event cause we saw each other

480
00:21:28.440 --> 00:21:33.040
a couple of events and, um, making eyes at each other, you know, across the room and

481
00:21:33.040 --> 00:21:34.880
I was smiling cause I'm working on that.

482
00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:45.800
And, but then when he came and sat down at my table, um, we started talking and, um,

483
00:21:45.800 --> 00:21:51.040
then like we ended up, I friended him afterwards cause I friend everybody, I meet in circles

484
00:21:51.040 --> 00:21:55.120
and then we start talking on Facebook a little bit.

485
00:21:55.120 --> 00:22:00.600
I don't, maybe I'm just leading too strong with, I honestly can't figure it out.

486
00:22:00.600 --> 00:22:01.600
Okay.

487
00:22:01.600 --> 00:22:02.600
Let me ask you a question.

488
00:22:02.600 --> 00:22:05.880
You said the guys that forgot their wallet, you said all of them made more money than

489
00:22:05.880 --> 00:22:06.880
you.

490
00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:07.880
Why?

491
00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:08.880
How do you know that?

492
00:22:08.880 --> 00:22:09.880
What do they do for a living?

493
00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:10.880
What did those guys do for a living?

494
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:13.400
The three that forgot their wallet.

495
00:22:13.400 --> 00:22:19.140
One's in financial planning, one's, um, a product manager and one's an airline pilot.

496
00:22:19.140 --> 00:22:20.140
So all well.

497
00:22:20.140 --> 00:22:22.140
Where did, where did you meet them at?

498
00:22:22.140 --> 00:22:28.460
Um, when I met at church in person and then two others I met, well, one, I met an event

499
00:22:28.460 --> 00:22:30.380
and then the other one I met in a dating app.

500
00:22:30.380 --> 00:22:31.380
Okay.

501
00:22:31.380 --> 00:22:33.500
And the other guy was in politics or lawyer.

502
00:22:33.500 --> 00:22:34.500
The other guy.

503
00:22:34.500 --> 00:22:35.500
What?

504
00:22:35.500 --> 00:22:36.500
Okay.

505
00:22:36.500 --> 00:22:39.380
No offense to anybody, but I'm going to say this, what do you think about blue collar

506
00:22:39.380 --> 00:22:40.380
guys?

507
00:22:40.380 --> 00:22:41.380
Totally.

508
00:22:41.380 --> 00:22:47.420
It doesn't sound like you're around a circles of them, but I think that you should date.

509
00:22:47.420 --> 00:22:49.860
I think you should date some good hardworking dudes.

510
00:22:49.860 --> 00:22:53.380
That's what I think you should date because the guys that you're dating right now, they

511
00:22:53.380 --> 00:22:58.660
all have one thing in common and that is that they're all white collar guys.

512
00:22:58.660 --> 00:23:02.980
They're all, you know, obviously think that they're God's gift to something.

513
00:23:02.980 --> 00:23:05.460
And you know, I mean, seriously, I forgot my wallet.

514
00:23:05.460 --> 00:23:09.380
I mean, how embarrassing, I mean, dude, you should not be able to show your face in this

515
00:23:09.380 --> 00:23:10.580
world again.

516
00:23:10.580 --> 00:23:17.140
And so, yeah, I think that, I think you should think about, you know, dating a farmer or

517
00:23:17.140 --> 00:23:21.500
a rancher, a farmer, ladies, it is a real thing.

518
00:23:21.500 --> 00:23:22.500
Okay.

519
00:23:22.500 --> 00:23:28.940
There's even a dating site for that, you know, a teacher, not that those are not, you know,

520
00:23:28.940 --> 00:23:30.580
but you not understand what I'm saying.

521
00:23:30.580 --> 00:23:34.340
People that are more down to earth, kind of more salt of the earth people, people that

522
00:23:34.340 --> 00:23:36.140
are not about money.

523
00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:37.580
They're not about prestige.

524
00:23:37.580 --> 00:23:40.020
They're not about, you know, their ego.

525
00:23:40.020 --> 00:23:41.500
I think, what about that?

526
00:23:41.500 --> 00:23:42.780
Let's try that out.

527
00:23:42.780 --> 00:23:44.100
I really don't think it's you.

528
00:23:44.100 --> 00:23:47.380
I was just kind of discerning whether it's you or not, kind of give, you know, give you

529
00:23:47.380 --> 00:23:50.540
some feedback about divine feminine, but I really honestly don't think it's you.

530
00:23:50.540 --> 00:23:53.820
I think it's the type of guy that you're going out with.

531
00:23:53.820 --> 00:23:54.820
Yeah.

532
00:23:54.820 --> 00:23:55.820
That makes sense.

533
00:23:55.820 --> 00:23:57.900
I mean, three times I forgot my wallet.

534
00:23:57.900 --> 00:23:59.300
It's the type of guy.

535
00:23:59.300 --> 00:24:03.220
So what I want you to do is I want you to pick a guy that's completely different than

536
00:24:03.220 --> 00:24:06.980
any guy that you would ever normally go out with and go out with him.

537
00:24:06.980 --> 00:24:07.980
That sounds good.

538
00:24:07.980 --> 00:24:08.980
And try it.

539
00:24:08.980 --> 00:24:09.980
Okay.

540
00:24:10.940 --> 00:24:11.940
All right.

541
00:24:11.940 --> 00:24:12.940
You're as cute as you can be.

542
00:24:12.940 --> 00:24:13.940
There's nothing wrong with you.

543
00:24:13.940 --> 00:24:14.940
Appreciate it.

544
00:24:14.940 --> 00:24:15.940
And you know what?

545
00:24:15.940 --> 00:24:19.420
You're not going to have to dumb yourself down to be with someone.

546
00:24:19.420 --> 00:24:25.620
Just be all of what you are because I don't sense any unhealthiness of what you are.

547
00:24:25.620 --> 00:24:29.580
You know, and I would tell you if I thought you were a ball buster, if I thought you were,

548
00:24:29.580 --> 00:24:35.180
you know, someone who is chasing men off with her toxic femininity, I would tell you, but

549
00:24:35.180 --> 00:24:36.780
I don't think that's what it is.

550
00:24:36.780 --> 00:24:38.140
I appreciate it.

551
00:24:38.140 --> 00:24:39.220
All right.

552
00:24:39.220 --> 00:24:40.380
Get hard working.

553
00:24:40.380 --> 00:24:43.220
All American men, they smell like sweat.

554
00:24:43.220 --> 00:24:45.260
They look good when they take their shirt off.

555
00:24:45.260 --> 00:24:46.260
Come on.

556
00:24:46.260 --> 00:24:47.260
Let's go.

557
00:24:47.260 --> 00:24:48.260
Let's go, ladies.

558
00:24:48.260 --> 00:24:49.260
Come on.

559
00:24:49.260 --> 00:24:52.140
Clayton, you can just shake your head all you want to.

560
00:24:52.140 --> 00:24:56.020
All right.

561
00:24:56.020 --> 00:24:58.020
They have beards sometimes.

562
00:24:58.020 --> 00:24:59.980
All right.

563
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:01.920
Okay, that was fun.

564
00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:04.120
All right, I'm serious, I'm serious about that though.

565
00:25:04.120 --> 00:25:08.640
I think that she needs to try out a different type of guy

566
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:11.280
that she's been going out with and let's see what happens.

567
00:25:11.280 --> 00:25:12.320
All right, let's see.

568
00:25:14.040 --> 00:25:16.380
Kira Golden, you're up.

569
00:25:18.120 --> 00:25:20.280
Hi, over here, hello.

570
00:25:22.520 --> 00:25:23.960
And you guys, I just want you to remember

571
00:25:23.960 --> 00:25:27.400
that your sister that was just on,

572
00:25:27.400 --> 00:25:30.160
she has been here for two years, Juliana,

573
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:31.600
and she's as cute as a button.

574
00:25:31.600 --> 00:25:35.040
And if you know anyone, you heard where she lives,

575
00:25:35.040 --> 00:25:37.120
if you know anyone that you want to set her up with

576
00:25:37.120 --> 00:25:39.440
that's gonna be a strong, you know,

577
00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:44.440
God-loving, masculine, chivalrous man, set her up.

578
00:25:46.600 --> 00:25:49.120
Okay, all right, Kira, you're up.

579
00:25:49.120 --> 00:25:50.960
The timing of this is perfect

580
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:55.300
because my question dovetails right off of hers, right?

581
00:25:55.300 --> 00:25:58.540
So I started dating blue-collar guy,

582
00:25:59.700 --> 00:26:01.100
first time I've done that,

583
00:26:01.100 --> 00:26:05.100
and he's mature, masculine, marriage-minded,

584
00:26:05.100 --> 00:26:06.340
like really great.

585
00:26:06.340 --> 00:26:09.260
We've been dating about three months,

586
00:26:09.260 --> 00:26:12.660
and he doesn't live here, it's long distance.

587
00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:17.780
And we got around to kind of a more specific

588
00:26:17.780 --> 00:26:20.060
financial conversation,

589
00:26:20.060 --> 00:26:24.460
and I knew that I was in a different financial situation

590
00:26:24.540 --> 00:26:29.100
than he was, but when we were discussing it,

591
00:26:29.100 --> 00:26:30.900
I got really kind of taken aback

592
00:26:30.900 --> 00:26:35.900
because his annual income is equal to like one mortgage

593
00:26:35.940 --> 00:26:37.220
I have on one property.

594
00:26:37.220 --> 00:26:40.980
So it was like this massive discrepancy in my mind.

595
00:26:40.980 --> 00:26:44.500
And it wasn't so much about the money,

596
00:26:44.500 --> 00:26:47.060
but that got me starting to think more about

597
00:26:47.060 --> 00:26:51.340
like lifestyle compatibility, ambition,

598
00:26:51.340 --> 00:26:55.940
like what are his goals?

599
00:26:55.940 --> 00:27:00.420
And I asked questions like, okay, if that's your income,

600
00:27:00.420 --> 00:27:02.660
what does that lifestyle look like?

601
00:27:02.660 --> 00:27:03.740
What is that?

602
00:27:03.740 --> 00:27:06.980
I'm really trying to stay curious and understand

603
00:27:06.980 --> 00:27:09.740
and not like jump to any conclusions,

604
00:27:09.740 --> 00:27:11.900
but I'm struggling,

605
00:27:11.900 --> 00:27:14.840
and I don't wanna just like kick him out.

606
00:27:14.840 --> 00:27:15.780
He's so great.

607
00:27:15.780 --> 00:27:17.980
We've had great communication.

608
00:27:17.980 --> 00:27:20.700
Like a lot of things are really aligned well.

609
00:27:22.180 --> 00:27:23.620
Let me ask you a question.

610
00:27:23.620 --> 00:27:25.460
Is a man making more than you

611
00:27:25.460 --> 00:27:28.980
or being on the same level as you financially?

612
00:27:28.980 --> 00:27:31.420
Is that a heaven non-negotiable for you?

613
00:27:32.660 --> 00:27:34.540
Heaven's non-negotiable?

614
00:27:34.540 --> 00:27:35.500
That's a good question.

615
00:27:35.500 --> 00:27:37.780
And I think that's the question I'm wrestling with

616
00:27:37.780 --> 00:27:42.780
because I have been a single mom of two kids.

617
00:27:43.460 --> 00:27:46.660
I was very much in disobedience with the Lord

618
00:27:46.700 --> 00:27:49.340
and very like feminist,

619
00:27:49.340 --> 00:27:51.900
had a lot to prove when I was younger.

620
00:27:51.900 --> 00:27:53.800
And I had my two kids with donors

621
00:27:53.800 --> 00:27:57.220
and I've been like hyper independent for a long time.

622
00:27:57.220 --> 00:28:00.380
And so I feel like the Lord has really worked on a lot

623
00:28:00.380 --> 00:28:04.500
to bring me to a place where I can focus on the family.

624
00:28:04.500 --> 00:28:06.700
Like, so he's worked and changed my heart

625
00:28:06.700 --> 00:28:09.060
to have me be in a position of desiring,

626
00:28:09.060 --> 00:28:11.900
which I'd never even contemplated before.

627
00:28:11.900 --> 00:28:14.140
Do you have passive income?

628
00:28:14.140 --> 00:28:15.320
Do you have passive income?

629
00:28:15.320 --> 00:28:16.880
So you're talking about one of your rental properties,

630
00:28:16.880 --> 00:28:17.720
do you have passive income?

631
00:28:17.720 --> 00:28:21.560
I could not afford to completely stop working

632
00:28:21.560 --> 00:28:23.000
and cover all of our bills.

633
00:28:23.000 --> 00:28:25.600
It would not even be a conversation if I could handle that

634
00:28:25.600 --> 00:28:27.360
because it's not about the money.

635
00:28:27.360 --> 00:28:30.000
It's about that,

636
00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:32.040
like I wouldn't be able to really be in that

637
00:28:32.040 --> 00:28:34.000
like feminine support role

638
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:37.220
that I feel like the Lord's been like grooming me for.

639
00:28:37.220 --> 00:28:38.880
And this was like really jarring.

640
00:28:41.800 --> 00:28:43.280
Well, here's what I'm gonna tell you

641
00:28:43.280 --> 00:28:44.640
and I'm gonna tell everyone who's listening

642
00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:46.440
is that you're not going to get everything

643
00:28:46.440 --> 00:28:48.600
on your checklist, okay?

644
00:28:48.600 --> 00:28:51.040
So the things that you wanna find in a partner

645
00:28:51.040 --> 00:28:54.040
are people that have a teachable heart towards the Lord,

646
00:28:54.040 --> 00:28:58.680
they're kind, they're motivated towards change and growth.

647
00:28:58.680 --> 00:29:00.760
Just because someone's doing something now in their life

648
00:29:00.760 --> 00:29:02.400
does not mean that they're gonna do it later.

649
00:29:02.400 --> 00:29:03.720
I think COVID taught all of us

650
00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:06.160
that people can lose their fortunes in one day.

651
00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:07.640
And so the bottom line is,

652
00:29:07.640 --> 00:29:09.480
is that you never know what tomorrow holds

653
00:29:09.480 --> 00:29:11.480
regardless of whether someone's doing better than you

654
00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:13.000
or worse than you right now.

655
00:29:13.040 --> 00:29:14.120
The real question is,

656
00:29:14.120 --> 00:29:16.720
is are they going to follow after God?

657
00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:19.880
Are they going to continue to grow and desire growth

658
00:29:19.880 --> 00:29:22.160
and put themselves in rooms where they can grow?

659
00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:25.720
That is what we want in husbands and wives, okay?

660
00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:30.720
Not a checklist of different assets or 401ks.

661
00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:34.080
Now, if someone comes to us and they're in lots of debt,

662
00:29:34.080 --> 00:29:35.640
they have to make a plan to do that.

663
00:29:35.640 --> 00:29:38.400
We're not gonna take on their debt, y'all, okay?

664
00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:41.200
If someone has been irresponsible financially

665
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:43.160
and they're not responsible now,

666
00:29:43.160 --> 00:29:45.920
then that's a whole different conversation.

667
00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:50.560
Yeah, it's not for me about like a checklist of economics.

668
00:29:50.560 --> 00:29:52.560
It's that once that kind of came up,

669
00:29:52.560 --> 00:29:57.040
I started trying to dive deeper into that growth component

670
00:29:57.040 --> 00:29:59.760
of like, how do you wanna grow?

671
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.160
do you want to achieve? How do you want to serve? And I feel like I'm starting to see

672
00:30:05.680 --> 00:30:11.520
a mentality of like, just settling and playing safe. And it's, it's that which I mentally sort

673
00:30:11.520 --> 00:30:18.080
of equate as a loose connector with economics. But like, that's what opened up the conversation.

674
00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:24.240
But underneath it is more of this, like, I'm, I just don't, I don't, I don't see him having.

675
00:30:24.720 --> 00:30:28.880
I, I don't know if we're aligned and I don't think this is like an objective requirement.

676
00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:33.520
Everyone has, but it's hard for me. How long have you guys, how long have you guys been dating?

677
00:30:33.520 --> 00:30:38.000
Three, about three months. Okay. Like seriously dating for three months.

678
00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:43.040
Oh, we're long distance. So it's hard to say serious, but we talk quite regularly and

679
00:30:43.040 --> 00:30:50.240
like have very intentional conversation. Gotcha. Well, I mean, it sounds like you,

680
00:30:50.480 --> 00:30:54.800
it sounds like you, you know, you've kind of made up your mind about whether or not,

681
00:30:54.800 --> 00:30:58.800
you know, this is going to be something that you want to go forward to. But I will say this for

682
00:30:58.800 --> 00:31:02.720
all of you ladies, this is a lesson that I had to learn from the Lord and all of you are going

683
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:08.160
to have to learn it. You know, I just assumed that the man was my financial provider and,

684
00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:12.160
you know, I became a Christian in my twenties and doesn't there a scripture that kind of says that,

685
00:31:12.160 --> 00:31:15.760
you know, that the man's supposed to provide. Right. And you think that that's what it means.

686
00:31:15.760 --> 00:31:20.480
It actually isn't what it means. Okay. It's not talking about financial provision at all.

687
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:26.160
And so my husband has never made more money than I do. I mean, there was a time when I was just

688
00:31:26.160 --> 00:31:30.400
staying at home with the kids and guess what y'all we couldn't even pay the rent on what David was

689
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:35.280
making by himself, doing things that he really wasn't gifted to do because he had so many years

690
00:31:35.280 --> 00:31:40.720
of ministry. And if you guys know ministry, it doesn't pay anything. All right. And so I have

691
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:46.640
the more marketable gift set as far as right now in our lives. You know, I, we own a media company

692
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:51.280
together. I'm a network marketer. We're network marketers together. Obviously, you know I'm a

693
00:31:51.280 --> 00:31:56.800
visionary and I've founded several different companies, Jane TV last year, single married 12

694
00:31:56.800 --> 00:32:01.600
months or less. And so the bottom line is this, is that God had to teach me that David is not my

695
00:32:01.600 --> 00:32:06.560
provider. God is my provider. And so all of you are going to have to understand that when God is

696
00:32:06.560 --> 00:32:10.480
asking you to get into your feminine, and I'm just talking to the ladies, when God is asking

697
00:32:10.480 --> 00:32:16.480
you to get into your feminine, he's not asking you to get into your feminine and be a trad wife

698
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:22.080
for a man who can provide for you if that happens. Okay. But he's asked you to get into your feminine

699
00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:27.920
as a daughter and to let him provide for you. Okay. We, we're not supposed to be looking for a man

700
00:32:28.480 --> 00:32:34.880
to, to fund our lifestyle or our life, or, you know, even to let us stay home and raise kids.

701
00:32:34.880 --> 00:32:40.080
You know, God will open the doors for those things if that is your trajectory. You know,

702
00:32:40.080 --> 00:32:44.320
I always kind of had something going on even when I was at home raising the kids because I'm an

703
00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:50.400
entrepreneur. And so bottom line is, is that every marriage is going to look different. The man's not

704
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:55.920
always going to be the breadwinner. Okay. What is important is that, are you working together?

705
00:32:55.920 --> 00:33:00.400
Are you using your skills and your gifts together? And when you come together with your skills and

706
00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:07.120
gifts, does, does something happen? So separately, David and I would never have been able to

707
00:33:07.120 --> 00:33:12.880
accomplish what we've accomplished now, but when we came together, our gifts and our skills together

708
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:19.360
with God's anointing and his favor on our lives look like being able to create legacy and wealth

709
00:33:19.360 --> 00:33:24.880
and wealth and legacy wealth. Okay. And so I really want to encourage you guys to understand that

710
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:29.600
just because someone's in a certain place when you marry them, um, doesn't mean they're going

711
00:33:29.600 --> 00:33:33.760
to be there. But I understand that you're talking more about ambition and what he's been able to

712
00:33:33.760 --> 00:33:40.000
share with you long distance for three months. You know, if this guy's got any really golden

713
00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:45.840
qualities, I would definitely give him a chance to show you what else he has. And, you know,

714
00:33:45.840 --> 00:33:50.320
and also you should have this conversation with him, say, Hey, I'm an ambitious person.

715
00:33:50.320 --> 00:33:54.880
Um, I need to be with someone who also, you know, wants to grow. Is that something that

716
00:33:54.880 --> 00:33:59.280
you're interested in doing? Um, you know, that's something I'm going to do for the rest of my life.

717
00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:03.920
What about you? And if he says no, that he's not interested in doing that, that he's fine

718
00:34:03.920 --> 00:34:09.199
with where he is and doesn't want to change, then you have your answer. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

719
00:34:09.199 --> 00:34:14.480
That's good. Right. Okay. Yeah. All right. Do you guys hear what Kira said that she has two children

720
00:34:14.480 --> 00:34:20.719
by donors? So she, you know, so she's a single mom, but not a single mom in the traditional

721
00:34:20.719 --> 00:34:24.719
sense of the word, you know, like a broken relationship or a divorced woman, you know,

722
00:34:24.719 --> 00:34:30.880
she took it upon herself to have children, you know, with a donor. And so that's happening more

723
00:34:30.880 --> 00:34:35.679
and more nowadays. And the reason why I'm bringing that up is because she's being vulnerable with us

724
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:40.800
and telling us that she has been, um, over the course of her life, you know, just really

725
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:45.520
independent. And so that's going to be something that's going to, she's going to have to overcome

726
00:34:45.520 --> 00:34:50.880
that, you know, she's, she's decided to do her dreams with her life, including having children

727
00:34:50.880 --> 00:34:55.840
without waiting for a man to come into the picture and help, you know, and,

728
00:34:55.840 --> 00:34:59.840
and make that happen for her. Right. And then, you know, so there's pros and cons.

729
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:01.000
to that.

730
00:35:01.000 --> 00:35:02.000
I just want to say that.

731
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:08.880
And so, but the con for her is now it's because she has done so much and accomplished so much

732
00:35:08.880 --> 00:35:12.280
on her own with God, even having children.

733
00:35:12.280 --> 00:35:17.020
Now it's a situation where she's going to be like, who's good enough for me?

734
00:35:17.020 --> 00:35:19.400
And so it's going to be, it's going to be a real thing, Kira.

735
00:35:19.400 --> 00:35:23.760
So I really want you to come and surrender the Lord and, you know, really help him to

736
00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:27.720
let you see that there are going to be some qualities, maybe not this guy, I don't know,

737
00:35:27.720 --> 00:35:33.280
but some qualities that are so much more important than the qualities that you carry in a complimentary

738
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:34.960
opposite.

739
00:35:34.960 --> 00:35:36.440
You don't need another you.

740
00:35:36.440 --> 00:35:37.760
You don't need another you.

741
00:35:37.760 --> 00:35:38.760
You already are you.

742
00:35:38.760 --> 00:35:40.000
You don't need another you.

743
00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:41.000
Okay.

744
00:35:41.000 --> 00:35:42.000
Yeah.

745
00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:43.000
So yeah, that's important.

746
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:47.120
And I appreciate you highlighting that because that has been like a two year journey of humbling

747
00:35:47.120 --> 00:35:50.720
my heart and helping me repent.

748
00:35:50.720 --> 00:35:51.920
Obviously not repent my children.

749
00:35:51.920 --> 00:35:53.480
I'm glad I have my children.

750
00:35:54.480 --> 00:36:02.200
Repent of the stubbornness and the, like all the decisions made from like trauma that kind

751
00:36:02.200 --> 00:36:09.480
of got me to this point and, um, but you know, and then like, that's the big struggle mentally

752
00:36:09.480 --> 00:36:17.160
is like, okay, I don't want to stay in all the skills that I've been surviving using.

753
00:36:17.160 --> 00:36:21.220
I want to move into what the Lord's like calling me to.

754
00:36:21.220 --> 00:36:26.020
And so I don't want a duplicate of myself, but in a sense I kind of do because I want

755
00:36:26.020 --> 00:36:30.340
to like set the mantle down on some things I've been carrying that I don't think are

756
00:36:30.340 --> 00:36:31.340
what I should be doing.

757
00:36:31.340 --> 00:36:33.060
Let me, let me tell you something.

758
00:36:33.060 --> 00:36:34.900
You can do that no matter what.

759
00:36:34.900 --> 00:36:35.900
Yeah.

760
00:36:35.900 --> 00:36:38.260
I think that you should do that no matter what.

761
00:36:38.260 --> 00:36:40.540
I think that you should just let it go no matter what.

762
00:36:40.540 --> 00:36:41.540
Okay.

763
00:36:41.540 --> 00:36:44.060
So it's one of those things where we feel like, oh, I got to get someone else to do

764
00:36:44.060 --> 00:36:45.380
this so that I can let go of it.

765
00:36:45.380 --> 00:36:47.060
Nah, you can just let go of it.

766
00:36:47.060 --> 00:36:48.660
I mean, I still have rent.

767
00:36:49.100 --> 00:36:52.380
Well, I don't mean, I don't obviously mean that, but I'm just saying there are other

768
00:36:52.380 --> 00:36:56.980
things that, you know, a lot of times we're trying to hold something together when God's

769
00:36:56.980 --> 00:36:59.900
just like, just let it fall apart and see what happens next.

770
00:36:59.900 --> 00:37:04.540
And so for those of you that have been waiting to, you know, get another person in your life

771
00:37:04.540 --> 00:37:10.220
so that, you know, they can take over for you, you know, in that area, sometimes those

772
00:37:10.220 --> 00:37:14.980
areas are areas where we need to fully surrender them to God and not, not worry about someone

773
00:37:14.980 --> 00:37:15.980
taking it over.

774
00:37:15.980 --> 00:37:16.980
Okay.

775
00:37:16.980 --> 00:37:17.980
Just want to let you know.

776
00:37:18.380 --> 00:37:20.260
Thank you so much for sharing.

777
00:37:20.260 --> 00:37:21.260
That's very insightful.

778
00:37:21.260 --> 00:37:23.380
Do you guys see how different we all are?

779
00:37:23.380 --> 00:37:26.860
We're all coming from different backgrounds and different things.

780
00:37:26.860 --> 00:37:29.700
And you know, we've made different decisions over the course of our life and it's just

781
00:37:29.700 --> 00:37:33.140
so good when we come together and share and are vulnerable.

782
00:37:33.140 --> 00:37:34.900
So many people get free from that.

783
00:37:34.900 --> 00:37:38.060
And so thank you for sharing all of you that share.

784
00:37:38.060 --> 00:37:39.060
Okay.

785
00:37:39.060 --> 00:37:40.060
So let's see here.

786
00:37:40.060 --> 00:37:46.700
So you guys, let's not give up on people too easily, especially if they're not what we

787
00:37:46.700 --> 00:37:47.700
expect.

788
00:37:48.420 --> 00:37:51.780
You know, sometimes we get in our head what we think our relationships have to look like,

789
00:37:51.780 --> 00:37:55.260
or we think that we know what we need.

790
00:37:55.260 --> 00:37:57.060
And sometimes we do.

791
00:37:57.060 --> 00:37:59.320
And a lot of times we don't.

792
00:37:59.320 --> 00:38:05.780
So I want to just let us all know that we need to make sure that we're continually surrendering

793
00:38:05.780 --> 00:38:06.780
that to the Lord.

794
00:38:06.780 --> 00:38:08.220
And it's a yes until it's a no.

795
00:38:08.220 --> 00:38:09.220
And that's why we say that.

796
00:38:09.220 --> 00:38:10.220
All right, Kim, you're up.

797
00:38:10.220 --> 00:38:18.020
So it always makes me nervous and I've been here for a long time.

798
00:38:18.020 --> 00:38:20.020
Yeah, you have.

799
00:38:20.020 --> 00:38:24.820
I mean, so let me ask you, and if you don't mind sharing, so Kim said she's been here

800
00:38:24.820 --> 00:38:30.580
for a long time, but she's been in relationships while she's been here and you were even almost

801
00:38:30.580 --> 00:38:32.620
engaged or engaged?

802
00:38:32.620 --> 00:38:33.820
Almost engaged.

803
00:38:33.820 --> 00:38:37.620
And we were matchbreakers for that one, weren't we?

804
00:38:37.620 --> 00:38:38.620
Yes.

805
00:38:38.620 --> 00:38:41.180
Matchmakers and matchbreakers, y'all.

806
00:38:41.180 --> 00:38:43.060
All right.

807
00:38:43.060 --> 00:38:45.100
So she hasn't been single this whole time.

808
00:38:45.100 --> 00:38:49.020
I just wanted to make sure that you guys understand that, but she has learned a lot.

809
00:38:49.020 --> 00:38:50.020
All right.

810
00:38:50.020 --> 00:38:51.020
So what's your question?

811
00:38:51.020 --> 00:38:52.020
Yes.

812
00:38:52.020 --> 00:38:55.660
So I've been talking to this guy for about three weeks now.

813
00:38:55.660 --> 00:38:57.980
Okay.

814
00:38:57.980 --> 00:39:02.060
He's like four years younger than me, and I usually don't date younger guys.

815
00:39:02.060 --> 00:39:04.580
Wait, how old are you?

816
00:39:04.580 --> 00:39:05.580
45.

817
00:39:05.580 --> 00:39:06.580
Okay.

818
00:39:06.580 --> 00:39:07.580
So he's still in his 40s.

819
00:39:07.580 --> 00:39:08.580
Go ahead.

820
00:39:09.540 --> 00:39:10.540
Yeah.

821
00:39:10.540 --> 00:39:11.540
And we've been talking for three weeks.

822
00:39:11.540 --> 00:39:14.940
We've already been on two dates.

823
00:39:14.940 --> 00:39:21.420
I like him, but I feel like he's moving.

824
00:39:21.420 --> 00:39:22.500
Maybe it's not too fast.

825
00:39:22.500 --> 00:39:23.500
I don't know.

826
00:39:23.500 --> 00:39:24.500
I'm just...

827
00:39:24.500 --> 00:39:33.220
Well, give us an example.

828
00:39:33.220 --> 00:39:34.820
Already talking about the future.

829
00:39:34.820 --> 00:39:35.820
Okay.

830
00:39:35.820 --> 00:39:36.820
Like what about the future?

831
00:39:36.820 --> 00:39:41.860
We're going to go to Six Flags or...

832
00:39:41.860 --> 00:39:44.500
What about the future?

833
00:39:44.500 --> 00:39:46.420
Take his dog for a walk.

834
00:39:46.420 --> 00:39:47.420
Okay.

835
00:39:47.420 --> 00:39:49.340
And take his dog for a walk together.

836
00:39:49.340 --> 00:39:51.140
That's not too futuristic.

837
00:39:51.140 --> 00:39:56.140
What else?

838
00:39:56.140 --> 00:39:58.860
We'll make jokes about...

839
00:39:58.860 --> 00:40:00.020
I would love to live here.

840
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.400
Jew at this, we were walking nearby a really nice,

841
00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:06.000
newer apartment building.

842
00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:08.840
He goes, yeah, it'd be great for like,

843
00:40:08.840 --> 00:40:11.600
you know, maybe it'll be us one day.

844
00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:12.440
So.

845
00:40:13.840 --> 00:40:16.040
I mean, it's possible that, you know,

846
00:40:16.040 --> 00:40:17.880
you teed him up for that.

847
00:40:17.880 --> 00:40:19.360
I mean, right.

848
00:40:19.360 --> 00:40:21.360
You guys, there's one thing that I wanna make sure

849
00:40:21.360 --> 00:40:23.640
that we understand as we're growing in friendships

850
00:40:23.640 --> 00:40:25.560
with people and we're dating them, you know,

851
00:40:25.560 --> 00:40:28.360
and growing in what hopefully will be like

852
00:40:28.440 --> 00:40:30.400
one version of a best friendship.

853
00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:33.360
People talk about their hopes and dreams, you know,

854
00:40:33.360 --> 00:40:35.600
and you know, how many of you have had

855
00:40:35.600 --> 00:40:39.440
a platonic relationship, same sex relationship,

856
00:40:39.440 --> 00:40:41.440
where you're getting to know that person

857
00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:43.080
and you're opening up more to them

858
00:40:43.080 --> 00:40:45.400
and you're talking about how you always want it

859
00:40:45.400 --> 00:40:46.840
to go here or there and you're like,

860
00:40:46.840 --> 00:40:48.280
hey, we should go together.

861
00:40:48.280 --> 00:40:51.440
You know, it's kind of a normal thing to say, isn't it?

862
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:52.280
Right?

863
00:40:52.280 --> 00:40:54.960
Now there's a different thing of love bombing

864
00:40:54.960 --> 00:40:56.640
and future faking where someone's trying

865
00:40:56.640 --> 00:40:58.880
to promise you the world, you know,

866
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:00.880
and it doesn't sound like that's what he's doing

867
00:41:00.880 --> 00:41:02.760
when he's like, let's walk Rover together.

868
00:41:02.760 --> 00:41:03.600
Okay.

869
00:41:05.040 --> 00:41:08.000
Well, he did get, he was a little suggestive

870
00:41:08.000 --> 00:41:10.000
in his comments in the beginning.

871
00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:10.920
That's what we wanna know.

872
00:41:10.920 --> 00:41:12.400
Tell us more.

873
00:41:12.400 --> 00:41:16.000
And he would, you know, say, you know,

874
00:41:16.000 --> 00:41:18.800
I'm gonna go to the gym and get all hot and, you know,

875
00:41:18.800 --> 00:41:20.120
sweaty, you know.

876
00:41:20.120 --> 00:41:21.680
Wait, is he a believer?

877
00:41:21.680 --> 00:41:22.520
He is.

878
00:41:22.520 --> 00:41:26.200
Have you, have you guys had any physical contact?

879
00:41:27.240 --> 00:41:28.080
Yep.

880
00:41:28.080 --> 00:41:29.720
We went to the movies and I told him

881
00:41:29.720 --> 00:41:31.360
I was not comfortable kissing.

882
00:41:32.520 --> 00:41:34.360
So he put his-

883
00:41:34.360 --> 00:41:37.440
Was this before or after the hot and bothered comment?

884
00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:38.280
After.

885
00:41:38.280 --> 00:41:41.680
I had told him that it, you know, I like you,

886
00:41:41.680 --> 00:41:44.240
but some of your comments are suggestive.

887
00:41:44.240 --> 00:41:45.080
You told him.

888
00:41:45.080 --> 00:41:45.920
Okay.

889
00:41:45.920 --> 00:41:46.760
And what'd he say?

890
00:41:46.760 --> 00:41:47.600
Good for you.

891
00:41:47.600 --> 00:41:50.440
And I said, I'm a lady and I wanna be treated like one.

892
00:41:50.440 --> 00:41:51.840
Oh, and then what happened?

893
00:41:53.200 --> 00:41:55.160
He was like, whoa, okay.

894
00:41:55.160 --> 00:41:56.440
I'm so sorry.

895
00:41:57.120 --> 00:41:58.560
And then he stopped.

896
00:41:58.560 --> 00:41:59.400
Okay.

897
00:41:59.400 --> 00:42:01.960
Stopped with the suggestive comments,

898
00:42:01.960 --> 00:42:04.080
but I can tell he really, really likes me.

899
00:42:04.080 --> 00:42:07.640
And so we kind of talked last night

900
00:42:07.640 --> 00:42:08.920
and throughout this morning.

901
00:42:08.920 --> 00:42:13.160
And I found out that because I'm leaving this weekend

902
00:42:13.160 --> 00:42:15.520
and he has his work schedules coming up

903
00:42:15.520 --> 00:42:17.720
where he has to work nights for a whole week.

904
00:42:17.720 --> 00:42:20.680
And he's afraid, you know, that I'm gonna be snatched up

905
00:42:20.680 --> 00:42:23.360
by the time we get together in two weeks.

906
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:28.960
I mean, first of all, you're not a snatched up person.

907
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:29.800
Okay.

908
00:42:29.800 --> 00:42:30.760
So you need to let him know

909
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:32.400
since he doesn't know you that well,

910
00:42:32.400 --> 00:42:34.640
that there's no way that you're gonna, you know,

911
00:42:34.640 --> 00:42:37.160
make some sort of life decision in two weeks

912
00:42:37.160 --> 00:42:38.360
on somebody else.

913
00:42:38.360 --> 00:42:39.840
You know me, Jackie.

914
00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:41.880
And second, it sounds like he's got a little bit

915
00:42:41.880 --> 00:42:43.200
of anxious attachment.

916
00:42:43.200 --> 00:42:44.160
Yeah.

917
00:42:44.160 --> 00:42:47.560
And I can be that way too.

918
00:42:48.640 --> 00:42:53.240
So, I mean, I know you've talked about that.

919
00:42:53.440 --> 00:42:57.400
That's not ideal, anxious attachment

920
00:42:57.400 --> 00:42:59.720
to anxious attachment to help people.

921
00:42:59.720 --> 00:43:01.160
I mean, you just have to be aware.

922
00:43:01.160 --> 00:43:04.000
You guys, when it comes to attachment style, listen up.

923
00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:05.760
No matter what your attachment style is

924
00:43:05.760 --> 00:43:08.920
that you test it out as, as long as you're self-aware,

925
00:43:08.920 --> 00:43:10.960
it doesn't matter what it is.

926
00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:12.720
As long as you're self-aware.

927
00:43:12.720 --> 00:43:17.720
Everyone can choose to have secure attachment

928
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:21.080
or secure ideas or when anxious thoughts come

929
00:43:21.080 --> 00:43:22.640
or avoidant thoughts come

930
00:43:22.640 --> 00:43:25.160
to replace those thoughts with truth.

931
00:43:25.160 --> 00:43:26.720
Okay, all of us can, you know?

932
00:43:26.720 --> 00:43:29.440
So if it's like, oh, you know, if, if, you know,

933
00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:30.880
if I don't see them for a week, you know,

934
00:43:30.880 --> 00:43:33.560
they might meet someone else on vacation and fall in love.

935
00:43:33.560 --> 00:43:36.240
And it's like, well, if they do that, then they're a wacko.

936
00:43:36.240 --> 00:43:37.080
Yeah.

937
00:43:37.080 --> 00:43:38.160
And so who cares, right?

938
00:43:38.160 --> 00:43:40.960
I mean, you have to tell yourself the truth, you guys.

939
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:44.320
Just like, oh, I, I think that, you know, you, you text in,

940
00:43:44.320 --> 00:43:47.160
you and you erase the message and you, and you text again

941
00:43:47.160 --> 00:43:49.640
and you're like in the drafts, you know, and you erase it.

942
00:43:49.640 --> 00:43:51.560
Cause you're trying to say the very right thing

943
00:43:51.560 --> 00:43:53.240
that's going to make them fall in love with you.

944
00:43:53.240 --> 00:43:55.960
And you guys, it's just not a real thing.

945
00:43:55.960 --> 00:43:57.000
It's not a real thing.

946
00:43:57.000 --> 00:43:58.720
And so, Kim, it doesn't matter as long

947
00:43:58.720 --> 00:44:00.720
as people are willing to address it.

948
00:44:00.720 --> 00:44:02.340
And can I tell you guys something about guys

949
00:44:02.340 --> 00:44:03.280
that I just found out?

950
00:44:03.280 --> 00:44:05.400
I need to tell you guys something about men.

951
00:44:05.400 --> 00:44:08.440
Not all men, but anxious attachers, especially.

952
00:44:08.440 --> 00:44:11.560
A lot of times, you know, especially believers,

953
00:44:11.560 --> 00:44:13.520
ladies, you have to hear what I'm about to say

954
00:44:13.520 --> 00:44:18.520
because this was like a truth bomb for me.

955
00:44:19.320 --> 00:44:22.160
So I had a client and a really nice guy,

956
00:44:22.160 --> 00:44:24.120
no man person, he's a really great guy.

957
00:44:24.120 --> 00:44:26.760
Okay, just really great guy, loves the Lord,

958
00:44:26.760 --> 00:44:28.360
you know, just great guy.

959
00:44:28.360 --> 00:44:30.480
And I introduced him to a couple people

960
00:44:30.480 --> 00:44:33.240
and in both scenarios, you know,

961
00:44:33.240 --> 00:44:35.600
as he was getting to know them over the course

962
00:44:35.600 --> 00:44:38.100
of a few weeks, you know, he said a couple things

963
00:44:38.100 --> 00:44:39.240
that were kind of suggestive,

964
00:44:39.240 --> 00:44:40.520
like what Kim's talking about.

965
00:44:40.520 --> 00:44:44.160
Not bad, not like R rated, not like porno, okay.

966
00:44:44.160 --> 00:44:46.840
No eggplant emojis, if you know what that means.

967
00:44:46.840 --> 00:44:49.240
Okay, it wasn't anything like that, okay.

968
00:44:49.240 --> 00:44:53.000
It was just a little bit of innuendo, a little innuendo.

969
00:44:53.000 --> 00:44:56.760
And the girl, because I introduced them,

970
00:44:56.760 --> 00:44:59.880
was like, hey, wait, what, what?

971
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.360
And so I carded him on it, I was like, what's going on?

972
00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:05.420
And he's like, well, he said,

973
00:45:05.420 --> 00:45:06.720
I wasn't trying to be offensive.

974
00:45:06.720 --> 00:45:09.660
He's like, I was trying to create romantic chemistry

975
00:45:09.660 --> 00:45:13.660
because a lot of times women, especially Christian women,

976
00:45:13.660 --> 00:45:15.780
if you don't create romantic chemistry,

977
00:45:15.780 --> 00:45:17.140
they will friend zone you.

978
00:45:18.580 --> 00:45:20.060
And you guys, this is a thing.

979
00:45:20.060 --> 00:45:23.980
This is a thing with like good little Bible reading,

980
00:45:23.980 --> 00:45:26.420
good Christian boys, you know,

981
00:45:26.420 --> 00:45:28.780
they're concerned that you're gonna friend zone them

982
00:45:28.780 --> 00:45:31.100
if they're too boring or if they're not getting you

983
00:45:31.100 --> 00:45:35.300
romantically involved with them, okay?

984
00:45:35.300 --> 00:45:36.380
And so this is a thing.

985
00:45:36.380 --> 00:45:40.580
And it's important that we understand that that happens.

986
00:45:40.580 --> 00:45:42.500
And so I'm not saying that that's what this guy's doing,

987
00:45:42.500 --> 00:45:45.780
but just because a guy tries to like

988
00:45:45.780 --> 00:45:50.020
start a romantic conversation after talking for a while

989
00:45:50.020 --> 00:45:52.340
doesn't mean that he's a bad person,

990
00:45:52.340 --> 00:45:54.420
especially if he's a little churchgoer.

991
00:45:54.420 --> 00:45:57.260
It might mean that he's trying to

992
00:45:57.260 --> 00:45:59.020
get out of the friend zone.

993
00:45:59.020 --> 00:45:59.860
Right.

994
00:45:59.860 --> 00:46:01.180
And he's told me that.

995
00:46:01.180 --> 00:46:02.420
Oh, well, there you go.

996
00:46:02.420 --> 00:46:04.380
That's a confirmation.

997
00:46:04.380 --> 00:46:05.220
He's told me, he's like,

998
00:46:05.220 --> 00:46:07.140
I know there are a lot of guys that are talking to you.

999
00:46:07.140 --> 00:46:09.500
I'm trying to get out of that spot.

1000
00:46:09.500 --> 00:46:14.500
See, he's trying to get you to like, you know,

1001
00:46:14.700 --> 00:46:19.180
start liking him more, growing in your affection for him.

1002
00:46:19.180 --> 00:46:21.940
Because, you know, you guys, this is what men think of us.

1003
00:46:21.940 --> 00:46:23.900
They think that we're reading these romance novels

1004
00:46:23.900 --> 00:46:26.780
and watching these romance movies and that's what we want.

1005
00:46:26.780 --> 00:46:28.220
They don't know.

1006
00:46:28.220 --> 00:46:29.060
They don't know.

1007
00:46:29.060 --> 00:46:30.180
There's no class.

1008
00:46:30.180 --> 00:46:31.940
There's no class that they took.

1009
00:46:31.940 --> 00:46:32.780
All right.

1010
00:46:32.780 --> 00:46:34.860
Especially the ones that have little to no experience

1011
00:46:34.860 --> 00:46:35.700
with women.

1012
00:46:35.700 --> 00:46:38.620
And so you guys had a man a break,

1013
00:46:38.620 --> 00:46:41.860
discern whether or not there really is some sort of like

1014
00:46:41.860 --> 00:46:45.900
sexual issue or if this guy is just trying to, you know,

1015
00:46:45.900 --> 00:46:48.860
make you like him as more than a friend.

1016
00:46:48.860 --> 00:46:49.980
It's fair.

1017
00:46:49.980 --> 00:46:50.820
Okay.

1018
00:46:50.820 --> 00:46:52.580
So Kim, what are we going to do about this guy?

1019
00:46:54.860 --> 00:46:56.420
You like him.

1020
00:46:57.380 --> 00:46:58.780
You do.

1021
00:46:58.780 --> 00:47:00.060
He's not my type.

1022
00:47:00.060 --> 00:47:01.820
You know, that's my favorite kind.

1023
00:47:04.540 --> 00:47:06.780
And I like him.

1024
00:47:06.780 --> 00:47:07.980
Yeah.

1025
00:47:07.980 --> 00:47:09.060
I can tell.

1026
00:47:10.420 --> 00:47:11.260
All right.

1027
00:47:11.260 --> 00:47:13.460
What's his name?

1028
00:47:13.460 --> 00:47:14.620
Brandon.

1029
00:47:14.620 --> 00:47:15.940
Brandon.

1030
00:47:16.940 --> 00:47:17.780
Okay.

1031
00:47:17.780 --> 00:47:19.620
He's a little younger, a couple of years younger.

1032
00:47:19.620 --> 00:47:20.900
Has he ever been married?

1033
00:47:20.900 --> 00:47:21.740
Yes.

1034
00:47:21.740 --> 00:47:22.580
Okay.

1035
00:47:22.580 --> 00:47:23.420
Any kids?

1036
00:47:23.420 --> 00:47:24.260
No.

1037
00:47:24.260 --> 00:47:25.100
Okay.

1038
00:47:25.140 --> 00:47:26.540
How long has he been divorced?

1039
00:47:27.620 --> 00:47:29.900
Same amount as me, 12 years.

1040
00:47:29.900 --> 00:47:30.860
Oh, wow.

1041
00:47:30.860 --> 00:47:31.860
Okay.

1042
00:47:31.860 --> 00:47:34.140
So is he coming out of like a long-term relationship

1043
00:47:34.140 --> 00:47:35.780
that didn't go or what?

1044
00:47:37.660 --> 00:47:41.420
Yeah, I guess they only dated for a few months.

1045
00:47:41.420 --> 00:47:44.700
So, you know, he did open up and tell me.

1046
00:47:44.700 --> 00:47:45.540
Yeah.

1047
00:47:45.540 --> 00:47:47.500
That he has been hurt.

1048
00:47:48.380 --> 00:47:52.860
So, and he's trying to protect himself.

1049
00:47:52.860 --> 00:47:53.700
Yeah.

1050
00:47:53.700 --> 00:47:54.540
Well, for sure.

1051
00:47:54.540 --> 00:47:55.500
Here's the thing, you guys,

1052
00:47:55.500 --> 00:47:57.860
when you are with an anxious attacher,

1053
00:47:57.860 --> 00:47:59.260
the best thing that you can do

1054
00:47:59.260 --> 00:48:02.340
is be very consistent, all right?

1055
00:48:02.340 --> 00:48:03.860
Use communication.

1056
00:48:03.860 --> 00:48:08.140
Don't send text messages that they have to decode.

1057
00:48:08.140 --> 00:48:11.500
Be very, you guys, with an anxious attacher, okay?

1058
00:48:11.500 --> 00:48:14.260
It's very important that you are very, like she said,

1059
00:48:14.260 --> 00:48:17.580
she told him, hey, I don't like that, right?

1060
00:48:17.580 --> 00:48:20.140
You gotta be, make sure that you're being very clear.

1061
00:48:20.140 --> 00:48:23.780
Be a clear communicator with an anxious attacher.

1062
00:48:23.820 --> 00:48:25.700
Let them know exactly where they stand.

1063
00:48:25.700 --> 00:48:27.220
Do not keep them guessing.

1064
00:48:27.220 --> 00:48:28.620
Do not play coy.

1065
00:48:28.620 --> 00:48:30.380
Do not play games.

1066
00:48:30.380 --> 00:48:31.380
Don't do that.

1067
00:48:31.380 --> 00:48:32.740
Because you know what?

1068
00:48:32.740 --> 00:48:34.420
You'll bring out an ugly side of them

1069
00:48:34.420 --> 00:48:37.780
that you do not wanna see of them trying to win you over.

1070
00:48:37.780 --> 00:48:39.380
And so do not do it.

1071
00:48:39.380 --> 00:48:42.660
Just be very upfront about where you are

1072
00:48:42.660 --> 00:48:46.260
and what you need in order to get to the next place.

1073
00:48:47.140 --> 00:48:49.260
All right, Kim, keep us posted, okay?

1074
00:48:49.260 --> 00:48:50.100
Thank you.

1075
00:48:50.100 --> 00:48:50.940
Brandon sounds great.

1076
00:48:50.940 --> 00:48:52.220
Keep us posted.

1077
00:48:53.220 --> 00:48:55.220
Keep us posted.

1078
00:48:55.220 --> 00:48:56.060
Okay.

1079
00:49:04.100 --> 00:49:06.300
You guys, remember, you are God-defended.

1080
00:49:06.300 --> 00:49:09.180
I just wanna take this commercial break

1081
00:49:09.180 --> 00:49:12.340
to tell you that you're God-defended, okay?

1082
00:49:12.340 --> 00:49:13.180
You are.

1083
00:49:13.180 --> 00:49:15.500
What you need to see, you will see.

1084
00:49:15.500 --> 00:49:18.140
When and if you need to see it.

1085
00:49:18.140 --> 00:49:19.420
Why do I say if?

1086
00:49:19.420 --> 00:49:21.140
Because some things you don't need to know.

1087
00:49:21.140 --> 00:49:22.740
People are not perfect.

1088
00:49:22.740 --> 00:49:24.900
And if you knew that part of them that's not perfect

1089
00:49:24.900 --> 00:49:27.380
before you really allowed yourself to grow in affection

1090
00:49:27.380 --> 00:49:28.620
and love towards them,

1091
00:49:28.620 --> 00:49:29.900
you might talk yourself out of it.

1092
00:49:29.900 --> 00:49:32.460
And God doesn't want you to talk yourself out of it

1093
00:49:32.460 --> 00:49:34.780
because you guys are a good match.

1094
00:49:34.780 --> 00:49:36.980
You might just get, you know,

1095
00:49:36.980 --> 00:49:40.940
you might cut and run if you knew that thing beforehand.

1096
00:49:40.940 --> 00:49:42.180
Like for me, for instance,

1097
00:49:42.180 --> 00:49:46.100
if I knew that my guy that I was gonna marry,

1098
00:49:46.100 --> 00:49:46.940
you know, eventually,

1099
00:49:46.940 --> 00:49:48.380
but when I was getting to know him,

1100
00:49:48.380 --> 00:49:51.420
if I knew how complicated blended family was

1101
00:49:51.420 --> 00:49:53.660
and how complicated his former spouse was

1102
00:49:53.660 --> 00:49:55.380
and their relationship with each other,

1103
00:49:55.380 --> 00:49:58.140
I might not have done it, okay?

1104
00:49:58.140 --> 00:50:00.060
Because the first two years were.

1105
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.060
They were something.

1106
00:50:05.060 --> 00:50:09.600
They were something that I can no longer say because I am not cussing anymore.

1107
00:50:09.600 --> 00:50:10.840
That's why.

1108
00:50:10.840 --> 00:50:18.680
But I will tell you that we have more in us than we know, and God knows what you are capable

1109
00:50:18.680 --> 00:50:19.680
of.

1110
00:50:19.680 --> 00:50:20.680
He does.

1111
00:50:20.680 --> 00:50:22.320
I'm not telling you he's signing you up for abuse.

1112
00:50:22.320 --> 00:50:23.320
Please do not hear that.

1113
00:50:23.320 --> 00:50:24.320
That's ridiculous.

1114
00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:29.080
I am telling you that relationships are complicated, and if you're the kind of person that wants

1115
00:50:29.080 --> 00:50:32.800
it to be perfect, otherwise you're not going to sign up for it, then you might as well

1116
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:35.280
to stay single because there's no such thing.

1117
00:50:35.280 --> 00:50:36.280
All right.

1118
00:50:36.280 --> 00:50:37.280
Next up.

1119
00:50:37.280 --> 00:50:46.200
I'm going to look here in my little list and see.

1120
00:50:46.200 --> 00:50:50.600
Just have about 15 more minutes, you guys, so I want to make sure that if you get in

1121
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:53.520
the love seat, short, brief, and powerful.

1122
00:50:53.520 --> 00:50:59.800
Sophie Fallenwhiter, followed by Pamela Petty, and those will be our ... Well, I'll take

1123
00:50:59.800 --> 00:51:03.680
questions if we are able to get through these really quick.

1124
00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:04.680
Where's my girl at?

1125
00:51:04.680 --> 00:51:05.680
Hi, Jackie.

1126
00:51:05.680 --> 00:51:06.680
Hi.

1127
00:51:06.680 --> 00:51:07.680
Okay.

1128
00:51:07.680 --> 00:51:08.680
Hi.

1129
00:51:08.680 --> 00:51:10.760
Can you see me?

1130
00:51:10.760 --> 00:51:11.760
I can see you.

1131
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:12.760
Oh, you're on iPhone.

1132
00:51:12.760 --> 00:51:13.760
Okay, so I need to ... I'm trying to spotlight you.

1133
00:51:13.760 --> 00:51:14.760
iPhone.

1134
00:51:14.760 --> 00:51:15.760
I think it's a red one.

1135
00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:16.760
Let me see.

1136
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:17.760
Shoot.

1137
00:51:18.080 --> 00:51:19.080
It's yellow.

1138
00:51:19.080 --> 00:51:20.080
Okay.

1139
00:51:20.080 --> 00:51:21.080
Let me do it.

1140
00:51:21.080 --> 00:51:22.080
All right.

1141
00:51:22.080 --> 00:51:23.080
We're up.

1142
00:51:23.080 --> 00:51:24.080
Go for it.

1143
00:51:24.080 --> 00:51:25.080
Awesome.

1144
00:51:25.080 --> 00:51:26.080
Thank you.

1145
00:51:26.080 --> 00:51:27.080
I'm a little nervous, but-

1146
00:51:27.080 --> 00:51:28.080
No, no.

1147
00:51:28.080 --> 00:51:29.080
Don't be nervous.

1148
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:30.080
I have ... I was widowed like 18 years ago, and my children were really young, and I was

1149
00:51:30.080 --> 00:51:31.080
like, oh, my God.

1150
00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:32.080
Oh, my God.

1151
00:51:32.080 --> 00:51:33.080
Oh, my God.

1152
00:51:33.080 --> 00:51:34.080
Oh, my God.

1153
00:51:34.080 --> 00:51:35.080
Oh, my God.

1154
00:51:35.080 --> 00:51:36.080
Oh, my God.

1155
00:51:36.080 --> 00:51:37.080
Oh, my God.

1156
00:51:37.080 --> 00:51:38.080
Oh, my God.

1157
00:51:38.080 --> 00:51:39.080
Oh, my God.

1158
00:51:39.080 --> 00:51:40.080
Oh, my God.

1159
00:51:40.080 --> 00:51:41.080
Oh, my God.

1160
00:51:41.080 --> 00:51:42.080
Oh, my God.

1161
00:51:42.080 --> 00:51:43.080
Oh, my God.

1162
00:51:43.080 --> 00:51:44.080
Oh, my God.

1163
00:51:44.080 --> 00:51:45.080
Oh, my God.

1164
00:51:45.080 --> 00:51:46.080
Oh, my God.

1165
00:51:46.080 --> 00:51:47.080
Oh, my God.

1166
00:51:47.400 --> 00:51:52.680
So I was really young, and I have been dating, but I have finally realized that I'm a very

1167
00:51:52.680 --> 00:51:55.760
avoidant kind of person.

1168
00:51:55.760 --> 00:52:01.160
I've dated, I've been in and out of relationships, but I joined last year's single last year

1169
00:52:01.160 --> 00:52:05.120
because I want the right relationship.

1170
00:52:05.120 --> 00:52:09.400
And so I have been on like five dates with this guy.

1171
00:52:09.400 --> 00:52:12.600
He is a recovered alcoholic.

1172
00:52:12.600 --> 00:52:16.320
He goes to probably four meetings a week.

1173
00:52:16.320 --> 00:52:22.120
And if I tell you like his story, it might seem like, okay, forget it.

1174
00:52:22.120 --> 00:52:23.320
It's a wreck.

1175
00:52:23.320 --> 00:52:28.840
But connecting wise, like emotionally and just being able to talk, we can really, we

1176
00:52:28.840 --> 00:52:31.000
can talk like heart to heart.

1177
00:52:31.000 --> 00:52:37.320
Like he's done his work, and he continues to do his work, and I really like that a lot.

1178
00:52:37.320 --> 00:52:42.120
I guess my question is, I do what you talked about earlier.

1179
00:52:42.120 --> 00:52:44.200
Oh, there might be something better.

1180
00:52:44.200 --> 00:52:46.480
Maybe I'll go look, you know, for someone else.

1181
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:54.580
But he's very faithful, like he goes to church every week.

1182
00:52:54.580 --> 00:53:01.440
But he's also like wanting me to, he talks about weekends together, spending weekends

1183
00:53:01.440 --> 00:53:02.440
together.

1184
00:53:02.440 --> 00:53:06.440
And I've told him that I am not interested in doing that.

1185
00:53:06.440 --> 00:53:07.440
Not right now.

1186
00:53:07.440 --> 00:53:08.440
I'm not ready.

1187
00:53:08.440 --> 00:53:14.800
But I didn't, I get nervous when it comes to like the marriage sex talk, because most

1188
00:53:14.800 --> 00:53:19.280
people I have found that are older are like, oh, come on, like at our age.

1189
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:20.280
Oh, no, it's true.

1190
00:53:20.280 --> 00:53:21.400
They definitely are.

1191
00:53:21.400 --> 00:53:24.280
What denomination of Christianity does he go to?

1192
00:53:24.280 --> 00:53:25.280
Catholic.

1193
00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:26.280
Okay.

1194
00:53:26.280 --> 00:53:28.720
That's, I was going to ask if he was Catholic.

1195
00:53:28.720 --> 00:53:33.320
So you know, you guys, there are some, there are some denominations of Christianity, and

1196
00:53:33.320 --> 00:53:39.440
this doesn't mean all Catholics, but there are some that, you know, they don't necessarily,

1197
00:53:39.440 --> 00:53:43.480
you know, believe in the whole no sex before marriage.

1198
00:53:43.480 --> 00:53:47.120
If you're committed to each other, and you're monogamous, and they think that that's really

1199
00:53:47.120 --> 00:53:51.000
all that matters, what your intentions are towards each other.

1200
00:53:51.000 --> 00:53:54.880
And so you just have to come down to, you know, you're gonna have to, especially if

1201
00:53:54.880 --> 00:53:59.760
he's asking you for weekends, and you know what that means and implies, yeah, that, you

1202
00:53:59.760 --> 00:54:05.400
know, you're gonna have to let him know in case he wants to invest his time elsewhere.

1203
00:54:05.400 --> 00:54:08.600
You know, it's possible, let's just have a conversation about this as adults.

1204
00:54:08.600 --> 00:54:10.680
We're all, we're all adults here.

1205
00:54:10.680 --> 00:54:12.560
So let's have a conversation about this.

1206
00:54:12.560 --> 00:54:16.880
Now, God put sex into covenant for a reason.

1207
00:54:16.880 --> 00:54:21.840
And there are a lot of reasons you guys now, besides it just being sin, most of you guys

1208
00:54:21.840 --> 00:54:27.880
sin every week in some way or shape or form, okay, whether it's, you know, there's all

1209
00:54:27.880 --> 00:54:31.360
kinds of things, and I'm not gonna get into it, okay, because there's too much of a list.

1210
00:54:31.360 --> 00:54:37.960
Okay, but the bottom line is, is that it being a sin is not the biggest part of it.

1211
00:54:37.960 --> 00:54:41.440
It being that it causes a lot of confusion.

1212
00:54:41.440 --> 00:54:46.600
Okay, it does it cause a lot of confusion, it makes the water really muddy, you'll overlook

1213
00:54:46.600 --> 00:54:50.040
a lot of things that you shouldn't overlook, you might not even notice them in the first

1214
00:54:50.040 --> 00:54:57.480
place when there is like this sexual soul tie that's happening in a relationship, okay.

1215
00:54:57.480 --> 00:55:00.080
And oftentimes, it brings that a lot of jealousy.

1216
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.040
It brings out a lot of things that wouldn't normally happen if those people had made a

1217
00:55:05.040 --> 00:55:10.960
commitment or a covenant with each other before, you know, going to the physical part.

1218
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:11.960
Okay.

1219
00:55:11.960 --> 00:55:15.360
Now, when you have a connection with someone emotionally and spiritually, your body does

1220
00:55:15.360 --> 00:55:16.360
want to get on board.

1221
00:55:16.360 --> 00:55:17.360
Your body's like, me too, me too.

1222
00:55:17.360 --> 00:55:18.360
I want in on this.

1223
00:55:18.360 --> 00:55:23.440
And we're not going to rush to the altar just so we can have sex, you guys.

1224
00:55:23.440 --> 00:55:29.000
No, that's too big of a decision to make just so that you can, you know, have sex.

1225
00:55:29.000 --> 00:55:32.680
Especially when we're older, because let's face it, the sex is not going to be that great.

1226
00:55:32.680 --> 00:55:33.680
All right.

1227
00:55:33.680 --> 00:55:35.160
And so it isn't.

1228
00:55:35.160 --> 00:55:36.160
Get over it.

1229
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:37.160
And so here's the thing.

1230
00:55:37.160 --> 00:55:41.240
The thing is, is that the intimacy, all that, and you know, you can give him that, you know,

1231
00:55:41.240 --> 00:55:45.480
if he wants affection, you know, just let him know, hey, I'm not going to, I'm not going

1232
00:55:45.480 --> 00:55:48.120
to have sex out of marriage because I don't believe it's right.

1233
00:55:48.120 --> 00:55:50.080
I believe that it's a sin.

1234
00:55:50.080 --> 00:55:54.600
And I'm going to save that part of my life for the person that I marry.

1235
00:55:54.600 --> 00:55:57.160
Now, let me ask you a question.

1236
00:55:57.160 --> 00:56:02.040
Is he, because he's gone through all this life and he's had all this stuff happen and,

1237
00:56:02.040 --> 00:56:04.000
you know, he's obviously older.

1238
00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:07.520
Does he see himself marrying again?

1239
00:56:07.520 --> 00:56:08.600
I don't know.

1240
00:56:08.600 --> 00:56:10.840
We haven't had that talk.

1241
00:56:10.840 --> 00:56:12.520
That's the bigger talk.

1242
00:56:12.520 --> 00:56:15.360
Does he see himself ever married again?

1243
00:56:15.360 --> 00:56:21.120
Because if he doesn't see himself ever married again, then, then what?

1244
00:56:21.120 --> 00:56:22.120
Yeah.

1245
00:56:22.120 --> 00:56:24.080
How do you know when to have that conversation?

1246
00:56:24.080 --> 00:56:28.160
Well, it, I mean, he's asking you to spend weekends with him, so it's fair to go ahead

1247
00:56:28.160 --> 00:56:29.480
and have that conversation.

1248
00:56:29.480 --> 00:56:30.480
Right?

1249
00:56:30.480 --> 00:56:31.480
Yeah.

1250
00:56:31.480 --> 00:56:32.480
Yeah.

1251
00:56:32.480 --> 00:56:35.400
He's wanting to escalate the relationship.

1252
00:56:35.400 --> 00:56:39.280
So you guys, that's how, you know, when you can bring up stuff is when someone's trying

1253
00:56:39.280 --> 00:56:44.000
to escalate the relationship to a place where it would be appropriate to talk about that.

1254
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:47.640
Like, we don't want to talk about, oh, no sex before marriage with someone on the first

1255
00:56:47.640 --> 00:56:48.640
date.

1256
00:56:48.640 --> 00:56:52.360
But when that person is asking us after five dates to spend the weekend with them, that's,

1257
00:56:52.360 --> 00:56:58.360
that's your segue to talk about sex, you know, and where you are now, let me ask you

1258
00:56:58.360 --> 00:56:59.360
a question.

1259
00:56:59.360 --> 00:57:03.760
You, was your husband that you were married to, um, and sorry for your loss.

1260
00:57:03.760 --> 00:57:04.760
Thank you.

1261
00:57:04.760 --> 00:57:09.360
It sounds like, it sounds like, I mean, you lost him pretty, a long time ago.

1262
00:57:09.360 --> 00:57:10.360
Yeah.

1263
00:57:10.360 --> 00:57:11.360
And yeah.

1264
00:57:11.360 --> 00:57:12.360
Yeah.

1265
00:57:12.360 --> 00:57:13.800
He was never been any serious.

1266
00:57:13.800 --> 00:57:14.800
He was 41.

1267
00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:15.800
Uh huh.

1268
00:57:15.800 --> 00:57:18.000
They had a heart attack like suddenly.

1269
00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:19.000
Wow.

1270
00:57:19.000 --> 00:57:20.000
Yeah.

1271
00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:21.320
Thank you.

1272
00:57:21.320 --> 00:57:25.600
So have you, have you been in any serious relationships since him?

1273
00:57:25.600 --> 00:57:29.680
I have been in serious relationships, but it's ones where I would say, you know, I'm

1274
00:57:29.680 --> 00:57:35.280
waiting, you know, to be intimate and you know, it didn't always work out like that

1275
00:57:35.280 --> 00:57:36.800
in those relationships.

1276
00:57:36.800 --> 00:57:41.920
But I, I, I just broke up with like every single person I was with.

1277
00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:47.060
I never was with someone that I felt like, okay, this is for sure my person.

1278
00:57:47.060 --> 00:57:54.100
So I know that I'm, uh, that's, that's on my end, like staying in something too long.

1279
00:57:54.100 --> 00:57:55.100
Yeah.

1280
00:57:55.100 --> 00:57:56.100
And remember what I just said?

1281
00:57:56.100 --> 00:57:58.180
There's no such thing as your person.

1282
00:57:58.180 --> 00:58:03.980
Um, there's, you guys remember if you're looking at someone and just wondering if they can

1283
00:58:03.980 --> 00:58:07.340
meet all your needs, I'm going to tell you the answer is no.

1284
00:58:07.340 --> 00:58:09.180
All right.

1285
00:58:09.180 --> 00:58:12.180
That's not, the question is, can I partner with this person?

1286
00:58:12.180 --> 00:58:13.580
Do I enjoy this person?

1287
00:58:13.580 --> 00:58:15.060
Can we grow together?

1288
00:58:15.060 --> 00:58:18.420
You know, do we want the same things with the rest, with, with, with whatever's left

1289
00:58:18.420 --> 00:58:19.420
of our lives?

1290
00:58:19.420 --> 00:58:20.420
Are we going the same direction?

1291
00:58:20.420 --> 00:58:21.980
Do we want to do the same things?

1292
00:58:21.980 --> 00:58:25.900
These are, these are questions that we ask ourselves, not, you know, can this person

1293
00:58:25.900 --> 00:58:27.240
fulfill all my needs?

1294
00:58:27.240 --> 00:58:29.820
Because that answer is no.

1295
00:58:29.820 --> 00:58:34.060
So I think there's time for you to have the sex talk with him.

1296
00:58:34.060 --> 00:58:36.140
Um, and also the marriage talk.

1297
00:58:36.140 --> 00:58:39.660
You know, you're not asking him if he wants to marry you, but you are asking him if he

1298
00:58:39.660 --> 00:58:42.060
ever sees himself married again.

1299
00:58:42.060 --> 00:58:43.340
Okay.

1300
00:58:43.340 --> 00:58:48.140
I definitely have to do hard work around that because I get like, I don't know why I get

1301
00:58:48.140 --> 00:58:51.820
very nervous about having that talk, but I'll do it.

1302
00:58:51.820 --> 00:58:56.300
I'm going to have to, I'll tell you why you get nervous about it because first of all,

1303
00:58:56.300 --> 00:58:57.300
it's unnatural.

1304
00:58:57.300 --> 00:59:01.500
We shouldn't even have to have it because men should be respecting those boundaries.

1305
00:59:01.500 --> 00:59:06.340
And the second reason why you feel that way is because people have not respected that

1306
00:59:06.340 --> 00:59:11.860
boundary in the past and, or broke up with you because of that boundary in the past.

1307
00:59:11.900 --> 00:59:17.260
And so you don't want to be rejected and you also don't want someone to nod and say, okay,

1308
00:59:17.260 --> 00:59:19.700
and then continue to press you.

1309
00:59:19.700 --> 00:59:22.300
That's what would happen all the time.

1310
00:59:22.300 --> 00:59:23.300
Yeah.

1311
00:59:23.300 --> 00:59:30.740
They're like, Oh, I respect that, but let's make out, you know, and you know, and, and

1312
00:59:30.740 --> 00:59:34.940
go downtown and let's do this and that, you know, it's just like, okay, we're not going

1313
00:59:34.940 --> 00:59:36.980
to have intercourse, but we're going to do everything else.

1314
00:59:36.980 --> 00:59:39.260
It's like, no, that's the whole point.

1315
00:59:39.260 --> 00:59:45.580
The point is, is that I'm not trying to get confused about whether or not you and I are,

1316
00:59:45.580 --> 00:59:47.220
you know, people that should be together.

1317
00:59:47.220 --> 00:59:48.220
Yeah.

1318
00:59:48.220 --> 00:59:50.700
That's really the main reason.

1319
00:59:50.700 --> 00:59:55.980
I think being, you know, a part of last year's single and just participating in all these

1320
00:59:55.980 --> 01:00:00.060
things is getting my mind more used to the reality.

1321
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.920
that it's, there's a lot of people out there that think the same way I do that.

1322
01:00:03.920 --> 01:00:07.160
Oh, there is, there really is.

1323
01:00:07.160 --> 01:00:11.360
And there are also people that they don't, I don't know that they have like a strong

1324
01:00:11.360 --> 01:00:15.360
conviction because maybe they weren't ever taught that because you remember conviction

1325
01:00:15.360 --> 01:00:17.060
comes from how you've been taught.

1326
01:00:17.060 --> 01:00:21.480
And then when you know, Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit convinces you of righteousness constantly.

1327
01:00:21.480 --> 01:00:22.480
Yeah.

1328
01:00:22.480 --> 01:00:23.480
Right.

1329
01:00:23.480 --> 01:00:24.480
Leading you that way.

1330
01:00:24.480 --> 01:00:26.240
But they're willing to respect your conviction.

1331
01:00:26.240 --> 01:00:28.560
They're willing to respect your boundaries.

1332
01:00:28.560 --> 01:00:31.200
There are a lot of people like that.

1333
01:00:31.200 --> 01:00:34.200
And I think that that's good too.

1334
01:00:34.200 --> 01:00:35.200
All right.

1335
01:00:35.200 --> 01:00:36.200
Thank you.

1336
01:00:36.200 --> 01:00:37.200
I love you, Jessie.

1337
01:00:37.200 --> 01:00:38.200
You're so funny.

1338
01:00:38.200 --> 01:00:39.200
Oh, thank you.

1339
01:00:39.200 --> 01:00:40.200
You're welcome.

1340
01:00:40.200 --> 01:00:41.200
I appreciate it.

1341
01:00:41.200 --> 01:00:42.200
All right.

1342
01:00:42.200 --> 01:00:45.960
You guys, there's a singles conference in Jersey if I haven't told you guys about it.

1343
01:00:45.960 --> 01:00:46.960
It is March 22nd.

1344
01:00:46.960 --> 01:00:49.400
I'm going to put the registration for it.

1345
01:00:49.400 --> 01:00:50.760
It's at King of Kings Church.

1346
01:00:50.760 --> 01:00:51.760
I'm going to be there.

1347
01:00:51.760 --> 01:00:52.760
I'm the main speaker.

1348
01:00:52.760 --> 01:00:55.240
David will be there as well.

1349
01:00:55.240 --> 01:00:58.080
And then I'm going to be going to New York City after that.

1350
01:00:58.600 --> 01:01:04.120
And there's possibly something going on there, but definitely Jersey kind of just right over.

1351
01:01:04.120 --> 01:01:05.120
Maybe it's not right over.

1352
01:01:05.120 --> 01:01:06.760
I really haven't been in Jersey before.

1353
01:01:06.760 --> 01:01:10.160
So don't listen to me about where it is, but it is in Jersey.

1354
01:01:10.160 --> 01:01:14.000
And I'm going to be putting that information up.

1355
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:15.660
And why did I think of that?

1356
01:01:15.660 --> 01:01:18.760
Because she just reminded me of a New Yorker and that's why.

1357
01:01:18.760 --> 01:01:20.560
So like it just in my head now.

1358
01:01:20.560 --> 01:01:21.560
Okay.

1359
01:01:21.560 --> 01:01:22.560
All right.

1360
01:01:22.560 --> 01:01:23.560
Um, let's see.

1361
01:01:23.560 --> 01:01:24.560
Pam.

1362
01:01:24.560 --> 01:01:25.560
Pam, you're up.

1363
01:01:25.560 --> 01:01:26.560
All right.

1364
01:01:27.040 --> 01:01:28.040
All right.

1365
01:01:28.040 --> 01:01:29.040
So I just want, um.

1366
01:01:29.040 --> 01:01:30.040
Wait one second.

1367
01:01:30.040 --> 01:01:36.080
I just want to, I want to put, I want to put the, I got to put down the, I got to put down

1368
01:01:36.080 --> 01:01:41.200
the spotlights and Pam, I just want to show you something too, real quick, cause I think

1369
01:01:41.200 --> 01:01:42.200
it's fun.

1370
01:01:42.200 --> 01:01:43.200
Hold on.

1371
01:01:43.200 --> 01:01:47.440
I feel like I had no intention of wearing this, but now I feel like I just wore it for

1372
01:01:47.440 --> 01:01:48.440
you.

1373
01:01:48.440 --> 01:01:49.440
All right.

1374
01:01:49.440 --> 01:01:51.160
I saw it earlier.

1375
01:01:51.160 --> 01:01:52.160
You see it?

1376
01:01:52.160 --> 01:01:53.160
I did.

1377
01:01:53.160 --> 01:01:54.160
Yeah.

1378
01:01:54.160 --> 01:01:55.160
I have a Tom Petty.

1379
01:01:55.160 --> 01:01:56.160
You guys have a Tom Petty shirt on.

1380
01:01:56.760 --> 01:01:59.760
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1381
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:00.760
Okay.

1382
01:02:00.760 --> 01:02:01.760
Pam, you're up.

1383
01:02:01.760 --> 01:02:05.800
Um, so I just want some advice on navigating a long distance.

1384
01:02:05.800 --> 01:02:12.480
So, um, was, uh, actually met a man, uh, not, not where I live.

1385
01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:14.960
Uh, we texted back and forth, chatted.

1386
01:02:14.960 --> 01:02:19.400
Um, then he brought up that, uh, we needed to meet sooner rather than later.

1387
01:02:19.400 --> 01:02:21.520
Uh, was I open to that?

1388
01:02:21.520 --> 01:02:23.680
I said, uh, yes.

1389
01:02:23.840 --> 01:02:27.600
Um, his son lives in the same city as I do.

1390
01:02:27.600 --> 01:02:32.760
And so I had, uh, last week off school, I, um, teach.

1391
01:02:32.760 --> 01:02:35.680
And so he asked if he could come and he did.

1392
01:02:35.680 --> 01:02:37.680
And we had a great time.

1393
01:02:37.680 --> 01:02:48.400
Um, uh, three Ms, very much a gentleman, um, spiritually, uh, same, same page.

1394
01:02:48.520 --> 01:02:54.400
Uh, we talked about kind of, um, hopes and dreams and similar there, uh, very

1395
01:02:54.400 --> 01:02:56.040
much has done a lot of, uh, growing.

1396
01:02:56.040 --> 01:02:59.200
He's a widower, uh, was married 42 years.

1397
01:02:59.600 --> 01:03:06.440
Um, but the physical, physical attraction just wasn't, it started to

1398
01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:12.000
grow, um, over the time that he was here, but just how long, how long was he there?

1399
01:03:12.760 --> 01:03:16.960
He was here for four days and we spent, we literally spent all day.

1400
01:03:17.120 --> 01:03:20.160
Like I took him hiking in Banff and he hiked 10 kilometers.

1401
01:03:20.160 --> 01:03:25.320
Oh, I want to go to bless his heart and kept up.

1402
01:03:25.600 --> 01:03:29.520
Um, so like we, like he, he showed up at my, my house.

1403
01:03:29.560 --> 01:03:30.960
Um, he asked if he could pick me up.

1404
01:03:30.960 --> 01:03:31.720
I said, yes.

1405
01:03:32.120 --> 01:03:36.880
Um, and like, he showed up at my door at 10 o'clock in the

1406
01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:42.120
morning and we were all day and, you know, um, okay.

1407
01:03:42.120 --> 01:03:43.000
Let me ask you a question.

1408
01:03:43.040 --> 01:03:45.320
First of all, that's an exhausting date.

1409
01:03:47.200 --> 01:03:47.520
Right.

1410
01:03:48.160 --> 01:03:51.960
So it's kind of hard to feel romantic when you're entertaining and you're

1411
01:03:51.960 --> 01:03:53.920
hosting someone, your city and all.

1412
01:03:54.160 --> 01:03:55.200
Let me ask you this.

1413
01:03:55.200 --> 01:03:57.040
Did you have emotional connection?

1414
01:03:57.040 --> 01:03:58.480
Did you have spiritual connection?

1415
01:03:58.480 --> 01:04:00.280
Did you have conversational connection?

1416
01:04:00.680 --> 01:04:03.920
You know, physical connection is not the most important thing at

1417
01:04:03.920 --> 01:04:05.280
the beginning of a relationship.

1418
01:04:06.680 --> 01:04:08.680
Um, yes, we did have all that.

1419
01:04:08.720 --> 01:04:11.000
Did you enjoy him and would you want to see him again?

1420
01:04:11.680 --> 01:04:12.080
Yes.

1421
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:13.520
Cause I'm planning to go.

1422
01:04:13.800 --> 01:04:18.480
Um, the school that I'm teaching at has two breaks and, uh, I have another,

1423
01:04:18.880 --> 01:04:22.920
I have a break in March and so we're planning, I'm planning to go there.

1424
01:04:23.680 --> 01:04:26.760
I think that you guys have to understand that you're it's allowed,

1425
01:04:26.760 --> 01:04:28.080
you're allowed to let things grow.

1426
01:04:28.080 --> 01:04:29.600
It's not about falling in love.

1427
01:04:29.600 --> 01:04:30.600
Love's not a pothole.

1428
01:04:30.600 --> 01:04:33.280
You don't just walk out of your house and fall in a pothole.

1429
01:04:33.640 --> 01:04:37.440
It's about growing in affection and growing in love.

1430
01:04:37.920 --> 01:04:42.440
And it sounds like, you know, he, he went on that huge long hike with you.

1431
01:04:42.840 --> 01:04:47.200
Um, he came and visited, you guys had fun and you're going to see each other again.

1432
01:04:47.240 --> 01:04:50.480
I think that it's fine for this just to be a yes until it's a no.

1433
01:04:51.000 --> 01:04:55.120
Now, after several of these visits, if you know, the thought of him kissing you

1434
01:04:55.120 --> 01:04:57.320
makes you want to puke in your mouth, then we'll have to have

1435
01:04:57.320 --> 01:04:58.520
a conversation about that.

1436
01:04:58.520 --> 01:04:59.880
But, um, right now.

1437
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.520
I'm very much a gentleman with that, like, you know,

1438
01:05:04.520 --> 01:05:07.040
with the physical and he, I mean,

1439
01:05:07.040 --> 01:05:09.320
not the sex before marriage, but just any physical.

1440
01:05:09.320 --> 01:05:11.520
He said, I'm leaving that up to you

1441
01:05:11.520 --> 01:05:14.320
to let me know when you're ready for that.

1442
01:05:14.320 --> 01:05:15.280
I love it.

1443
01:05:15.280 --> 01:05:16.120
I love it.

1444
01:05:16.120 --> 01:05:17.280
You guys, that reminds me of something,

1445
01:05:17.280 --> 01:05:19.360
and I have no idea why that reminds me of this,

1446
01:05:19.360 --> 01:05:21.760
but I want to let you guys know that tomorrow,

1447
01:05:21.760 --> 01:05:23.320
that's right, tomorrow,

1448
01:05:23.320 --> 01:05:25.000
we are releasing the registration

1449
01:05:25.000 --> 01:05:27.600
for last trip single cruise.

1450
01:05:27.640 --> 01:05:31.280
And so we are going on a cruise in January, 2026.

1451
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:32.800
You're going to want to get your spots right away.

1452
01:05:32.800 --> 01:05:34.240
We do have single occupancy,

1453
01:05:34.240 --> 01:05:35.520
but if you have a roommate

1454
01:05:35.520 --> 01:05:37.480
that you want to share a cabin with,

1455
01:05:37.480 --> 01:05:41.080
then we have double occupancy as well.

1456
01:05:41.080 --> 01:05:42.600
We have ocean view rooms.

1457
01:05:42.600 --> 01:05:44.600
We have all different types of rooms.

1458
01:05:44.600 --> 01:05:46.960
Guys, the deposit for that's only $120.

1459
01:05:46.960 --> 01:05:48.680
We're making it so affordable for you guys.

1460
01:05:48.680 --> 01:05:51.360
You can pay over the whole course of this year

1461
01:05:51.360 --> 01:05:53.680
until the fall to pay that off.

1462
01:05:53.680 --> 01:05:55.400
And I think that the cruise,

1463
01:05:55.840 --> 01:05:57.800
all in all, it's like $1,000 or something.

1464
01:05:57.800 --> 01:05:59.360
Of course, cruises are all inclusive

1465
01:05:59.360 --> 01:06:01.840
in case you didn't know that as far as food and everything.

1466
01:06:01.840 --> 01:06:03.760
So it's going to be so fun.

1467
01:06:03.760 --> 01:06:04.840
It's going to be great.

1468
01:06:04.840 --> 01:06:08.560
And so I have no idea why her saying this man's a gentleman

1469
01:06:08.560 --> 01:06:10.680
reminded me of that announcement.

1470
01:06:10.680 --> 01:06:12.240
But Pam, I'm super excited for you.

1471
01:06:12.240 --> 01:06:13.760
I hope you're excited for yourself

1472
01:06:13.760 --> 01:06:15.480
because this sounds like,

1473
01:06:15.480 --> 01:06:17.240
it sounds like you guys,

1474
01:06:17.240 --> 01:06:18.600
it's a little bud.

1475
01:06:18.600 --> 01:06:20.360
Is it going to blossom?

1476
01:06:20.360 --> 01:06:22.720
We hope it is, but right now it has potential.

1477
01:06:22.720 --> 01:06:25.040
It's a little bud and it's full of potential.

1478
01:06:25.680 --> 01:06:26.520
And so we're going to water it.

1479
01:06:26.520 --> 01:06:27.360
We're going to nurture it.

1480
01:06:27.360 --> 01:06:29.520
We're going to see where it goes.

1481
01:06:29.520 --> 01:06:30.880
We are.

1482
01:06:30.880 --> 01:06:32.760
So Pam, that's great.

1483
01:06:32.760 --> 01:06:34.160
That's wonderful.

1484
01:06:34.160 --> 01:06:35.000
All right.

1485
01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:36.000
Banff is beautiful.

1486
01:06:36.000 --> 01:06:37.720
I hope someday I get to go there

1487
01:06:37.720 --> 01:06:39.640
because I saw pictures of it and I was like,

1488
01:06:39.640 --> 01:06:41.640
wow, it's amazing.

1489
01:06:41.640 --> 01:06:44.440
I'll take you to all the non-tourist places there.

1490
01:06:44.440 --> 01:06:45.720
I will hold you to that.

1491
01:06:45.720 --> 01:06:48.520
And I will even go on that 10 kilometer hike with you.

1492
01:06:48.520 --> 01:06:49.680
It's my backyard.

1493
01:06:49.680 --> 01:06:51.200
I'm there all the time.

1494
01:06:51.200 --> 01:06:52.560
Let's do it.

1495
01:06:52.560 --> 01:06:53.400
Let's do it.

1496
01:06:53.400 --> 01:06:55.440
All right, guys, the cruise, that's a good question.

1497
01:06:55.440 --> 01:06:56.520
I think it's going to the Bahamas

1498
01:06:56.520 --> 01:06:58.360
and it's going to Coco Cay Island.

1499
01:06:58.360 --> 01:06:59.800
It's going to be fun, you guys.

1500
01:06:59.800 --> 01:07:01.280
It's going to be so fun.

1501
01:07:01.280 --> 01:07:02.520
Am I going to be there?

1502
01:07:02.520 --> 01:07:06.200
Not sure, but I know that it's going to be fun regardless.

1503
01:07:06.200 --> 01:07:07.040
All right.

1504
01:07:07.040 --> 01:07:12.040
So you guys, thank you for joining us tonight for Love Seats.

1505
01:07:12.280 --> 01:07:13.680
If you guys have any questions

1506
01:07:13.680 --> 01:07:15.400
that I can do a little popcorn round here

1507
01:07:15.400 --> 01:07:17.120
for the next five minutes,

1508
01:07:17.120 --> 01:07:19.720
I will be more than happy to do that.

1509
01:07:19.720 --> 01:07:21.840
You can just jump in, just put them up.

1510
01:07:23.960 --> 01:07:25.080
Put them up, put them up, put them up,

1511
01:07:25.080 --> 01:07:26.880
put them up, put them up, put them up.

1512
01:07:30.200 --> 01:07:31.080
Details in the group.

1513
01:07:31.080 --> 01:07:32.720
Thank you, Cheryl.

1514
01:07:32.720 --> 01:07:35.960
And Cheryl, just for full disclosure,

1515
01:07:35.960 --> 01:07:37.560
wanted us to go to Banff

1516
01:07:37.560 --> 01:07:39.680
and she was trying to get a trip for us to go to Banff

1517
01:07:39.680 --> 01:07:42.600
and it didn't work out, but it is going to work out.

1518
01:07:42.600 --> 01:07:45.040
I know in the future it's going to happen.

1519
01:07:45.040 --> 01:07:45.880
All right.

1520
01:07:45.880 --> 01:07:47.520
Oh, yeah, it's in your backyard.

1521
01:07:47.520 --> 01:07:48.760
I know, it's so great.

1522
01:07:48.760 --> 01:07:53.160
Okay, you guys, so many fun things coming.

1523
01:07:53.920 --> 01:07:55.240
So excited for all you ladies

1524
01:07:55.240 --> 01:07:58.240
that are going to Cartagena with us again this year.

1525
01:07:58.240 --> 01:07:59.840
That's just two months away.

1526
01:07:59.840 --> 01:08:01.120
Cannot wait for that.

1527
01:08:02.240 --> 01:08:04.600
That we're going to have a conference, you guys.

1528
01:08:04.600 --> 01:08:06.720
We're going to have a singles conference

1529
01:08:06.720 --> 01:08:10.600
here in Austin, Texas in May.

1530
01:08:10.600 --> 01:08:11.440
All right.

1531
01:08:11.440 --> 01:08:12.280
So the details for that,

1532
01:08:12.280 --> 01:08:15.640
we're going to be releasing that as well.

1533
01:08:15.640 --> 01:08:17.240
We're in the planning stages of that.

1534
01:08:17.240 --> 01:08:18.920
I'm so excited about that registration

1535
01:08:18.920 --> 01:08:20.760
for the singles crews getting out.

1536
01:08:20.880 --> 01:08:23.080
Threatening that forever.

1537
01:08:23.080 --> 01:08:25.000
And now it's finally done and ready to go.

1538
01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:27.640
And I'm so excited about it because most of you,

1539
01:08:27.640 --> 01:08:31.040
it's doable for you to put down that little bit of money

1540
01:08:31.040 --> 01:08:34.840
and then pay a little bit here and there over time

1541
01:08:34.840 --> 01:08:36.160
to make sure that you can go.

1542
01:08:36.160 --> 01:08:38.800
And so I'm excited to make that more low hanging fruit

1543
01:08:38.800 --> 01:08:40.000
for you guys.

1544
01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:41.000
All right.

1545
01:08:41.000 --> 01:08:43.319
Father, we just thank you for your goodness and love.

1546
01:08:43.319 --> 01:08:45.600
I pray that you encourage all your sons and daughters

1547
01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:47.240
that they were made for this.

1548
01:08:47.240 --> 01:08:48.720
They were made for relationship

1549
01:08:48.720 --> 01:08:49.840
and that marriage and family

1550
01:08:49.840 --> 01:08:52.640
is part of your maturity process for mankind.

1551
01:08:52.640 --> 01:08:54.920
Whatever doubts we've been nurturing and feeding,

1552
01:08:54.920 --> 01:08:56.960
let us feed faith instead.

1553
01:08:56.960 --> 01:09:00.160
Let us starve our doubts and feed our faith, Lord.

1554
01:09:00.160 --> 01:09:02.000
We're just asking God that you would help us

1555
01:09:02.000 --> 01:09:05.040
to take action on the things that you've promised us,

1556
01:09:05.040 --> 01:09:07.520
to put ourselves out there, give us favor,

1557
01:09:07.520 --> 01:09:09.279
put favor on our face,

1558
01:09:09.279 --> 01:09:12.040
and let us step into the love stories

1559
01:09:12.040 --> 01:09:14.840
that you are already writing in Jesus name.

1560
01:09:14.840 --> 01:09:15.680
Amen.

1561
01:09:15.680 --> 01:09:16.520
All right.

1562
01:09:16.520 --> 01:09:17.359
Love you guys.

1563
01:09:17.359 --> 01:09:18.200
I'll see you soon.