All right, ladies, welcome to your Monday coaching session.
I am your host and your coach, Jackie Dorman.
If you don't know me, then you haven't been watching videos in your phase one heart work.
I am the founder of Last Year Single, and I am filling in for your master coach, Bethany
Cooper today, because she is out sick.
And so I'm excited to be your coach today.
Hopefully you guys are excited for me to be your coach.
I have about six ladies on here live.
We're just going to jump right in with some housekeeping that we want to cover.
This is recorded, and I will be back here at 8 p.m. Eastern tonight to coach that session
as well.
So if you have, you know, desire to be at both sessions, they will both be different.
I can promise you that.
All right, so the housekeeping that your coach, Bethany, wanted you to remember is that show
up to the replays.
If you can't see it live, you definitely want to show up to the replays.
Ladies, I'm just going to tell you that I have signed up for a lot of things in my life
that I've also not shown up to.
Okay, I think that we all can say that.
Raise your hand if you've signed up for things that you haven't shown up for.
Especially if those things are free, it's easy to sign up for those things and then
just say, maybe I don't want to go after all.
So whether it's some kind of event that has a free admission or, you know, you tell some
friends, you sign up to go do something, and then you don't want to do it.
I remember when I was going to these Pilates classes.
This is where the rubber meets the road.
So they have an app and you had to sign up for the classes that you wanted to be in.
Okay, you're already paying a monthly fee to be part of the studio for Pilates.
And then you have to sign up for the classes that you want to take, the Pilates classes.
But if you do not cancel your reservation for that class 12 hours in advance, they charge
you $25.
And Pilates is already expensive.
If you've ever done Pilates, it's really expensive.
And so that is definitely kind of hitting you where it hurts and getting you to give
your best yes.
Right?
And so I just want to let you know, you signed up for this because you had a divine appointment
with the Lord.
You were praying about your life, about your lineage, about your legacy, about your love
life.
And God led you to the last year single program.
In one way, shape or form, you got led here.
You know how I know that?
Because we barely run ads.
We hardly ever do.
And so if you found us, you found us very supernaturally.
A friend told you somehow you made it here.
And I know that God has, you know, all kinds of desires to upgrade you in your life by
bringing you here.
You are not my first rodeo.
I have been doing this for five years and we help women do extraordinary things with
their lives besides just get married.
Yes, we have 1600 plus success stories.
But besides that, we help people lose weight.
We help people get out of debt.
We help people come out of sickness, you know, where they've just been chronically sick mentally,
physically.
We help people to reconnect with their faith in ways that they never imagined that they
could have a relationship with God.
We help people restore relationships with friends and family members and children and
all kinds of things.
We help people go through and walk through their court cases with their former spouses
and custody things and just all kinds of amazing breakthrough awaits you here.
But you got to show up.
That's the one thing that we can't do for you.
Okay, we're going to hear from the Lord.
We're going to release what God is saying.
We're going to give you the tools and the resources and the coaching to be able to have
the breakthrough.
But you're the one that has to show up.
So once again, I've been guilty of signing up for things and not showing up for them.
But you know what I've noticed?
I've noticed that the things that I've signed up for that I also haven't shown up for are
things that I really don't believe are going to be a game changer for me.
Like inside, I have some doubt.
I have some uncertainty.
Can I tell you something about the word doubt?
It has a definition that's very interesting, and I'm going to tell you what the definition
of it is.
Doubt is uncertainty, which we all have uncertainty in life in different areas.
But it's uncertainty that causes something.
Anyone want to guess what the last part of that definition is?
Doubt is uncertainty that causes...
Unmute yourself if you know the answer.
Fear?
Probably.
Yeah.
Doubt.
Uncertainty can definitely cause fear.
That's a true statement, but it's not the definition.
Distraction?
For sure.
Distraction is our enemy, y'all.
Write that down.
Whatever distracts me is my enemy, for sure.
Is it unbelief?
Unbelief has kind of a different sort of definition all by itself.
Unbelief and doubt are kind of ugly stepsisters, but they're not the same.
Go ahead.
Um...
um...
Um...
And so that's what you're here to do.
You're here to allow Holy Spirit to come alongside of you.
And some of you are going to be meeting Holy Spirit for the first time.
You don't even really know Holy Spirit that well.
You know that supernatural things happen to you.
You have some intuition.
You feel like sometimes God's involved in your life and he's speaking to you, but you
don't fully understand how you can step into that every day.
It's just kind of like when it happens, it happens and it's so exciting, right?
Anyone raise their hand and say, yeah, you know, God speaks to me sometimes and you know,
and I know it when he's speaking to me and it's so exciting, but it doesn't happen every
day.
Raise your hand if you don't feel like you're hearing him give you direction and instruction
and clarity and guidance every single day.
So you know what happens when we know that God's speaking to us and you know that he
does speak and you love it when it happens, but it doesn't happen often is you get this
idea that you just have to wait for the next supernatural moment in your life, right?
You're just going to keep doing what you know to do.
And then hopefully one of these days, God's going to give you some direction.
He's going to give you, he's going to speak to you, you know, but the truth is, is that
God's always speaking.
He's always speaking to us.
God's a chatty Kathy.
It's always talking, always talking to us, but we have to learn how to tune into that
and we have to learn how God talks to us and how we specifically individually hear him
because we don't all hear him the same way.
And that's some of the stuff you're going to learn in the heart work.
And then some of the stuff that you're going to learn on, Bethany put in the notes that
to encourage you guys to come to Supernatural Saturday.
Guess what you get there?
Little old me, Jackie D. So come to Supernatural Saturday because I'll start to prime the pump
of exactly what I'm talking about right now.
God is speaking and he wants to lead and guide you.
So grace, truth, and time.
It doesn't have to take a long time, you guys.
That's why we named this last year single.
It used to be called Married in 12 Months or Less.
Both of those, one year.
One year increment.
And it's not saying, okay, at the 365 day mark, that's when God's just going to drop
your man out of heaven to you.
No, it's saying that some point in this year that you've committed to really getting untangled
from the lies and the obstacles, God is going to begin to help you to step into your love
story.
Because a lot of you, your love stories are actually staring you right in the face.
You're missing the love that's right in front of you.
Because of filters, because of blind spots, because of preconceived expectations and ideas
that are not healthy or good.
Because of religion.
Religion can be a big block to your love story.
And so that is what you're doing here.
You're beginning to peel back the layers, the filters, clear off the heart lens, the
blind spots.
And I really want to encourage you to show up as much as you can or see the replays of
your coaching sessions in phase one.
I know next week's coaching session, because Bethany sent me the notes and she said, you
can coach this for me.
And I was like, nah, girl, I got to flow with the Holy Spirit.
You can coach this.
And I'm going to tell you, I read the notes.
It's good.
It's good stuff.
So make sure you show up for that.
All right.
So what are some of the things that you guys are running into in your heart work?
First of all, let me see in the chat, how long have you been with us?
Are you in your first week, second week, third week, fourth week, or fifth week of heart
work?
Let me see that in the chat.
Okay.
Let's see what we got.
All right.
Nicole just graduated.
She's headed over to phase two.
Congratulations.
You're going to jump into your dating challenge and Divine Feminine and Boundaries and Attachment
styles.
It's going to be great over there.
You're going to love it.
Middle of week five.
So Rachel's getting ready to graduate, Kim's in her third week.
So that's your confession and repentance week.
Is it Arianne, Arianne?
You're 12?
Okay.
So that's the middle of week five.
So Arianne, congratulations.
So tough on.
Tough on to stick with.
To be here.
Yeah.
Common settings, if I may be so bolded.
You used to be on school.
Common settings.
Yeah subtitles.
Yeah, common settings.
There we go.
You used to be on school actually to be a teacher or to teach,
I was so proud of you, to be there.
When I was a kid, I still set uperca pandemic fingers and it
used to just be a silly thing.
But now having approached you are gone abruptly.
And I get no intention of sharing your family motives with
12, where are you at with the number 12?
Karen is also on her final week.
Sharon is just beginning.
That's your supernatural surrender week.
Sharon, don't mail that in.
Make sure that you sign that permission slip.
Make sure that you are continually asking God
to take control and surrendering the pen to him.
Ruth is heading into her confession and repentance week.
Kelly's graduating soon.
She's in week five.
That's a real you.
Guys, that's an important week.
Don't just be like, oh, graduation's here.
I'm not gonna really pay attention.
Make sure you're paying attention.
That's important.
Week four, Diana and Tonya.
Is it Tonya or?
Guys, I have a hard time sounding things out,
as I've said before.
So if I butcher your name, I'm deeply sorry.
They're both in the forgiveness week.
You guys, you might have to take a couple weeks
for that week.
That week, it tends to hit differently.
So make sure that you are giving yourself
a lot of grace and a lot of space.
All right.
And then Bethany said she's starting week four as well.
It says you finished the course
and how do you go to phase two?
So there should be instructions.
Isn't there instructions on how to go to phase two?
Can someone tell her how to go to phase two?
I know, but I wanna see if you guys know,
because I wanna make sure there are instructions on that.
Anybody?
Does anybody know how you get to the next phase
when you graduate?
Does anybody know?
Isn't it automatic?
Like you automatically get sent to phase two.
I don't think there are instructions,
but one of my friends is doing the course as well.
And she said she got stuck with like a glitch.
So she was done, but it was stuck on 95%.
And she reached out and they gave her like instructions
how to restart the app and kind of work through the glitch.
I don't know if that's the case here.
But then when she like re-logged into the app,
she was automatically in phase two.
So my thing is that it's automatic
and I didn't see instructions.
I'm not sure if that's helpful.
Okay, so that tells me everything that I need to know.
And that is that nobody knows what happens next.
It's kind of like after we pass away,
we're like, we think Kevin's there,
but we're really not sure what that looks like.
Okay, so yeah, I'm pretty sure that you email,
that it gives you instructions to email admin
at jackydorman.com and ask to be granted
the next phase of the course on your app.
And it will just appear on your app.
She is right about that.
The next phase will appear and you can jump
into that group on the app.
But I'm pretty sure the instruction
is to email admin at jackydorman.com.
All right, so for those of you that are graduating,
go ahead and get ready to do that
so that you can graduate to the next phase.
Now, I hope-
So I did it, that I'm at 100%,
but if I wanna stay in the forgiveness one
for another week, I can.
Because when I go to my group, I don't see a second group.
So I'll just email admin.
Well, there is a week after the forgiveness week.
Week five is the real you.
So are you talking about week five, the real you,
or are you talking about week four, forgiveness?
Five.
I just finished video 11, the last, the fifth week.
Okay, so-
Like the fourth chapter in the book
that I finished the book.
So I was thinking fourth week,
but it's actually, it was five weeks.
So I just finished.
It says, artwork course, 100% complete.
So when I go to the groups,
I still am just in the first phase.
So I just have to email admin.
Right, thank you.
Yep.
Okay.
All right, you guys.
All right, so for those of you that are in,
so let's ask, let's do some Q&A, all right?
So tell me, what are some of the biggest breakthroughs
that you're having?
What are some of your aha moments?
And where are you maybe having a little bit
of being stuck?
Do you have a question?
Is something coming up that you want input on?
Let's go ahead and do that for a few minutes.
You can put your questions in the chat,
or because there's only 18 of you here,
we can also just let you unmute
as long as you ask your question very quickly
and it doesn't have a lot of backstory.
Well, we still have access to our phase one group after we email admin.
I think that there is a little bit of a period of time where you have access to both groups,
and that includes when you go to two and three as well, before the first one kind of disappears.
Ruth, I think that there's a little bit of a transitional time where you have access
to both of the groups, the one you're graduating and the one that you're entering, whether
that's one to two or two to three.
So two of you had that question.
You almost didn't follow through, but you're not gonna let the enemy win.
Okay, you guys.
So distraction is huge.
I warned you guys about this in the what to expect portion of your heartwork materials.
And you guys, I didn't just sit down one day and say, hmm, what can I just put on this
list that they can expect when they start going through heartwork?
Guys, I've been teaching the heartwork for a really long time.
I was the first heartwork student.
God downloaded the heartwork to me because I needed a practical way to get unstuck because
of my childhood, because of the abuse that I had experienced, because of all the abundant
life that I was missing out on, even though I was a devoted Christian and loved the Lord.
And I prayed and prayed and prayed, God, why does my life not look like the Bible?
Why does my life not look like what the word of God says that I can have?
Why does my life not look like seemingly the other people around me at this church?
Why does my life not look like what the preacher is saying from the pulpit my life should look
like?
Why, why, why?
Why do I still have mental health issues?
Why can't I find a job that pays me enough to even live on?
You know, why am I having all these problems in my marriage?
Why?
Like, I don't understand.
I love you.
I'm doing everything that I'm told to do.
It's not working.
And so that is when the Lord answered my prayer by giving me a revelation of the heart and
what the belief systems from the heart, how they create the quality of your life.
And so, and it's not about what you know here, it's about what you believe here.
And so the Lord taught me this himself, you guys.
And I was the first student and then I began to teach it to others a long time ago.
And now it's, you know, pretty much only used for people who are premarital or singles
because we've incorporated it into last year's single program.
But we will be allowing people to take the heart work that are married as well this year
in 25.
We're going to be launching a heart work only group for those people, but it works.
It really does.
But you have to do the work.
And so that list that I created for you guys, that is based on all the students and myself
and our experiences and going through heart work.
There's tons of distractions.
There's tons of disruptions.
The opposing forces will try to get you to quit.
They will try to get you offended.
They will try to get you distracted.
They will try to get you discouraged.
All the dis words, discouraged, distracted, disappointed, right?
All those words.
But you have to stay the course.
You have to ask God to give you grace to continue and to push forward to those wins.
And there'll be stuff that comes up emotionally that's hard to handle because you did not
process it when you went through it.
You didn't have the tools or resources to process it.
So you're going to feel all the feels now.
I warned you guys about that.
But we feel the feels to what?
To heal the feels.
A lot of you repressed stuff from before.
And let's just admit when you're children, we don't have the tools or resources to process
grief, to process loss, to process abuse or hurt or fear.
And so we have to wait till we're older to process that, don't we?
And so a lot of stuff from your childhood is actually affecting to you to this day and
you don't know it.
You're like, oh, that's when I was a little kid.
Yeah.
But that little kid still lives inside of you and they're still traumatized.
But we can't stay here forever.
That's why HeartWorks is only five weeks.
If you need six weeks, fine.
But we can't keep digging around and I don't want you digging at all.
Don't take a shovel and try to dig up all your trauma.
Just do the material and allow it to surface.
Because what you think is your biggest trauma, because it's the worst thing that ever happened
to you, may not be the thing that affected you the most.
Isn't that crazy?
People will come and be like, yeah, you know, my dad passed away when I was, you know, seven
years old and it's really hard.
And then my mom married an abusive man and blah, blah, blah.
And you would think that that would be their biggest trauma, right?
But their biggest trauma turns out to be when, you know, their best friend.
uh you know decided to break the relationship and go their own way and you know went no contact with
them like this is their biggest trauma not this it's like whoa that's interesting this this
affected you worse than this how because what you believed about yourself from this was now
reinforced by this that people are going to abandon you that people are not going to stay
that you know that people can't be trusted does that make sense
so this actually is the bigger trauma because the belief system that was created by this trauma
reinforced over here
trauma doesn't just hurt us it creates different versions of us
and the abundant life that jesus died to give us we won't live that if we are living in the lies
that trauma created it's not just about the trauma it's about the lies that you believe
because of the trauma all right i saw a hand up
go ahead and unmute yourself you had your hand up go ahead and ask your question
or share your biggest breakthrough
change your mind
did we get a mind change okay does anyone have anything
i knew i'd love go ahead okay um i love what you just said about the big traumas
because i was adopted at six months old to a mennonite religious conservative family so
they're kind of off the amish so just growing up my identity looking this way and growing up that way
um i thought that was like and still is there's like little pieces but as i'm like kind of driving
and i'm talking to god there's other little pieces that were affecting i think there was
only six asian people in my little town in indiana so when i moved um only two years ago
i just was god just opened up this other place it was very uncomfortable and i think my question
for you because i don't want to go into the whole thing was um that i married went to college did
all the things that my parents were trying to explain tell me to do in the religious field
um and i'm still working out a lot of those heart issues but it was a smaller little things when i'm
just driving that i was like oh it was that friend that rejected me at school or it was me um it was
more all my identity of religion of how god loved me i was supposed to love me so that one time you
sinned the time you had sex before you got married the time you lived with your husband and then i
decided to make him my husband because then i could justify like oh he's my husband because we're
married now and um and just the the abuse in the in the excuse me in the marriage and then having
three kids that are um biracial because he was uh virgin islands just the whole so i feel like
there's like for me it's like an onion with layers like there's big big things that are
that i'm still trying to figure out of course as you're adopted at six months old you're going to
feel abandoned but i'm still just trying to work on like the truth my i think my question is i got
on here a little bit later you were just talking about doubt like how or is it just going to be
like a whole process my whole life to just be like i'm in a good place i know the truth i know
god loves me i know my sins have been forgiven i i get all that but then i go back into the little
bit of doubt does it ever like you take that captive and you like throw it out like the
different ways that i've done inner healing and soza and spiritual direction i've done all that
and now i'm kind of like i'm here and not like this is my like last hope but i'm just kind of
like tired of i'm doing it all like god i'm doing it all but i do have to i wanted to say one thing
yesterday i did the prayer group on sunday i've never done it um out of my comfort zone i typed
in the chat she like saw it and she spoke it and one of those prayers and here's where the doubt is
like i my my back has just been awful like awful and the back pain's gone but then this morning
i wake up thinking is it just thank you lord for a wonderful night's sleep in like a year
like oh my gosh but is this gonna come back so how do you i guess my question is how do
is it just a process it's continuing trusting the process like
god's sitting here with me and and it is it's it's a it's a in our service at church he's like
We will suffer.
It's not like, okay, I have no God.
I got baptized and now my life is perfect.
We are gonna suffer through different things.
I'm just trying to figure out like...
Okay, so I think that I understand your question.
So I'm gonna try to answer what I think your question is.
So first of all, you guys, yes, we are in a process
for the rest of our life on earth, right?
If you wanna think of yourself as an eternal being,
because you are, you're an eternal being,
and Jesus died to make heaven our eternal home, right?
So he died to reconnect us to our heritage
and to our inheritance of being children of God,
which is important.
And so, but because we're eternal,
this life, this earthly life that we're experiencing,
so you're an eternal being
that's having a temporary experience right now on earth.
It's kind of like your childhood.
You know, we are gonna make mistakes here.
We're gonna fall down.
We're gonna skin our knees.
You know, Papa God's gonna pick us up.
He's gonna brush us off.
He's gonna redirect our course.
You know, when God talks about correcting the children
that he loves, it's more like a course correction
than it is like a spanking correction.
It's not about punishment as much as it's about clarity
and wisdom and redirection, okay?
So that's what that correction actually means in the Bible.
So think of it as you're going the wrong way.
Let me show you the right way to go, you know?
So it's kind of like the continual supernatural surrender.
And so, yes, you guys, we're all gonna be in process,
but the beauty of the heart work is it's like a tool belt,
and it's a set of tools that now makes things much easier
as far as when you come upon something,
you're not gonna think the way that you thought in the past.
If you really truly do your heart work
and you allow Holy Spirit to teach you
during this season of time,
you're gonna be very self-aware in the future
of your triggers, of where they're coming from.
You're not gonna just say, you know, this is how I feel.
You're gonna know why you feel the way you feel,
and you can unpack the bigger thing there.
So that's gonna be helpful.
I think that the thing that our sister
is mostly asking about is the constant struggle
between the flesh and the spirit.
Guys, we're gonna live in this flesh
for our entire time on earth,
and this flesh does not trust God.
This flesh does not believe in supernatural things.
This flesh is very carnal.
This flesh only cares about what it cares about right now.
It doesn't care about the future.
It only wants instant gratification.
You know, it is corrupt.
That is what it is, and you live inside of it, okay?
You're having your life, your spirit lives inside of it.
So the Bible has lots of instruction
on what to do about this.
Follow after the spirit, so you will not what?
Fulfill the lusts of the flesh.
Doubt, unbelief, those are lusts of the flesh.
You know, skepticism, you know, yeah.
We want to, the more that we exercise
the supernatural parts of ourself,
kind of almost like going to the gym and building muscle,
the more that you exercise those supernatural parts of you,
the easier it's going to be for you to believe
what God is saying rather than
what your flesh is worrying about.
Okay, it's just, that's what has to happen.
And so, there's no shame in being like,
oh, you know, is this for real?
You know, well, your flesh doesn't think it's for real.
Your flesh is always going to be waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
But your spirit is connected to God,
and your spirit is going to begin to help you,
your person, begin to speak what God is speaking
and not speak what, you know,
what your flesh would rather speak.
Instead of complaining, instead of worrying,
you're going to start speaking faith.
You're going to start speaking life.
You're going to start coming into agreement
with what God is doing and not what, you know,
your carnal reasoning.
There's another scripture that says
that the carnal reasoning, okay,
so that's the way that we think just as humans,
our human thinking, that it's actually the enemy
of the supernatural or it's the enemy of God.
So the carnal mind is the enmity against God
or against the supernatural process that we're in.
And so we don't want to lean into our own understanding.
What does Proverbs say?
Trust the Lord with all your heart
and lean not to your own understanding.
Once again, that's your carnal mind,
but in all your ways, acknowledge him
and he will direct your path, right?
And so there's so many scriptures.
And so my advice to you would be get in the word,
know the word, rehearse the word, repeat the word,
get it in you so it can come out of you, right?
And that's how we follow after the spirit, you guys.
And I talk about this in past Supernatural Saturdays,
the war between the flesh and the spirit.
That's what you're here.
do. You're not just here to prepare for a love story. You're here to improve your relationship
with God, yourself, and then of course others. And so we want you to come alive spiritually.
So Tanya, that is, now that you are, it sounds like a charismatic Christian,
what is it, how do your, what are your parents, what's your relationship with your parents?
Um, it's good. I mean, that's the type that it's very kind of, my parents are very passive.
So, um, yeah. Are they still really religious? They're pretty Mennonite with their religion,
with the big things, but, um, probably in the last two years after I moved out of the town,
um, I'm seeing, and just, it's by prayer that, um, I definitely need to have more conversations
with them. I can see and feel the hurt in the, in both of them. Um, my dad has just been this big,
huge, um, business person in our town. So, so just growing up, I had that. I was the oldest child
perfectionism. So I was the perfectionistic person. Are you the only adopted child or all
the children adopted? It's a very, I'm, I was the first adopted and then my sister came two years
later, but she's not biological and they did a lot of mission work. So they were gone doing all
of God's work, which, you know, left us alone a lot, or just, um, you had to be certain way because
you're these people's children. They would, they, we have, I have four others, uh, like sisters and
brothers, but they were never by law adopted. They actually had parents. My mom would bring,
they brought one person from Haiti. So he became my brother. They brought up my brother from Nepal.
He became, they don't have any biological children, no biological children. And I'm
just hearing that story, like in the last two years of the reasons that they had told us versus
what was really true. And so they just have a lot of deep heart. When I went through my divorce
because of multiple affairs, they couldn't be there for me because my dad was having affairs.
So, and my mom couldn't be there because she basically told me in the Bible, it says to turn
the other cheek. And so, okay. Yikes. All right. So lots, lots of, lots of stuff going on there,
but you guys, for those of you raise your hand, if you were, if you were raised in some kind of
legalistic religion, just like God, you know, sin. And if you do wrong, you're going to get punished.
And, you know, just, I have a hard time connecting with God as a good father because of, you know,
religious upbringings. Let's see those hands, quite a few of you raising your hands. Okay.
It's going to be, you're peeling back. Like your sister said, onion layers, there are going to be
layers of this because it's really important for us to be able to trust Lord. And we're not going
to trust him overnight. We're not, we're not going to trust him overnight. Okay. He wants to prove to
you that he is trustworthy, but you have to give him opportunities to do that by not controlling
everything. And so that is what your Jesus cares board is for. How many of you have one? Let me see
your hands. You should be making those in week one. Everyone's hand should be up guys. The Jesus
cares board changed my life. Okay. It was a idea from the Lord. He gave me the idea to do it.
It's like a prophetic activation of me removing my worry and all the things I was trying to control.
Okay. I was a control freak. I was, I used to think that I was afraid of heights until my kids
bought me a zip lining day for my birth for mother's day. I was like, what, why would you
buy me a zip lining day? I don't like heights. I'm afraid of heights. They're like, mom, it'll be fun.
And I'm like, this is terrible. I do not want to do this. And then when I got up there on the
little platform, high, high, high above the trees, I looked down and I realized I'm not afraid of
heights. I'm just a control freak. I do not want to put my wellbeing in the hands of something else
or someone else. And that is really what I figured out that day. It was a, it was a revealing for
healing. And so I just want to let you know that being in control is overrated because so many
things that you think you're in control of, you really have very little to little control over.
Um, and so that's what that board is all about. It's about you casting your care upon him because
he cares for you. It's about you giving him control in areas where you continue to make
matters worse. You're making matters worse and you need to give it to him. Some of those things
you'll take down eventually because the problem will be solved. They'll, there'll be a resolution
of some kind. And some of those things, they were never problems to begin with. You just made them
problems. And so they'll just kind of fade away because they didn't need a resolution because
they weren't problems. You just were creating a problem, a mountain where there was a molehill.
Okay. So please make it, raise your hand if you haven't made it.
Looks like everyone made it. Oh, I saw one little hand go up.
Guys, it doesn't have to be complicated. If you're not a crafty or creative person, it doesn't have to be a craft.
It doesn't.
It can just be, it can be a
post-it note with some other post-it notes next to it. It doesn't have to be anything. That's what mine looks like.
Mine's just a big post-it note
with post-it notes on it.
All right, but you guys, when I put stuff on there, I know that I'm giving that to the God. I'm giving it to him.
I'm giving it to him, and I'm taking my hands off of it, and
then I'm continually praying over my Jesus Cares Board, God, you know, I've given you permission to
move in these areas, in these situations. I'm trusting that if you need my help,
if there's something that I need to do in any of these areas in
order for there to be breakthrough, that you will let me know, because I have given this over to you. Cool?
All right, so I think that we got to an answer for Tanya, and that is that, yeah,
we're going to be in process, but can I ask you something? Are you enjoying the process? A
lot of times people don't stop to just enjoy their life where they are, because they're not where they want to be, and that's
not what you want.
Just enjoy your life right where you want to be, you know? That is something he told me last night, so.
Yes, well, here's your confirmation. It is so big.
And the forgiveness one was key. For anybody,
we always, we know, like, forgive so we can be forgiven. Says it, we always hear it, but to truly forgive ourself
for being controlling,
surrendering your kids,
trying to control your health, trying to control your wealth, trying to control your future.
Like, those were big forgiveness things that I didn't realize I was holding on to myself.
So, it's easier now that I've done this to go back and read who I'm forgiving.
It just, it feels different. In my heart, even, it feels different to forgive an ex, to forgive.
That's why, you guys, this is why I teach forgiveness the way that I do, and this is why God explained it to me the way
that he did for it to become part of heart work. I had a lot of people to forgive.
There are people that have done some heinous things to me on this earth ever since I was a child.
I came out of my mother's womb running for my life, literally, okay?
And so, how do you forgive stuff like that? How do you forgive stuff that's unforgivable? What does that even look like?
Well, I'll tell you what it doesn't look like. It does not look like a feeling.
It doesn't look like emotions at all. And that's why the Lord showed me, like, a ledger, like a ledger model, you know?
Everyone knows what a ledger is. We're all old enough or young enough to understand.
So, this is a book. Just say this is a ledger and say there's just a bunch of things that are owed in this ledger, debts, okay?
An accounting ledger. And so, that is how you want to treat forgiveness.
That's why I teach you how to make forgiveness templates.
So, you can write down all the things that someone owes you. They owe you those debts.
Remember our Lord's Prayer. What does it say?
Forgive us of our debts as we forgive our debtors. That's what it says, right?
So, you write down the debts that someone else owes you because they lied to you, because they cheated on you,
because they hurt you, abused you, because they abandoned you, whatever it is, whatever they owe.
And then you, by the power of the Holy Spirit, by the power that's been given to you to cancel someone else's debts,
the Bible says the sin that you remit, the sin that is committed towards you that you retain will be retained.
And the sin that you release and remit will be remitted.
Do you know that you can hold on to someone else's sin?
You're going to hold on? Someone else can be held in their sin because it was against you?
And you only have the authority. Of course, God is the only one that forgives sin, right?
But we saw Jesus show us the template of forgiving sin and releasing people from the things that they had done.
And so, the bottom line is, is that we have to release these people.
They are not their sin, just like you are not your pain.
Their identity is not their sin.
Yeah, maybe they cheated, but that doesn't make them a cheater.
See how that crosses over into identity?
They did something wrong.
They abused, but that does not make them an abuser.
You know why that can't be their identity?
Because if that's their identity, then that has to be your identity too.
Do you want to be the abused for the rest of your life?
Do you want to be the cheated on for the rest of your life?
Do you want to be the lied to for the rest of your life?
No. So, we release them and then that's up to God.
It's up to them and God if they want to step into their true identity.
We release them from their sin and now that's on.
them, whether or not they want to step fully into their real identity in Jesus.
But guess what?
When we release them, it releases us from the identity of being the abused, from being
the victim, from being the all those things.
Isn't that amazing?
It's a supernatural transaction.
So write it down like a ledger and just simply cross it off.
Do that forgiveness prayer for each one of you.
I'm like, Jackie, it seems so ritualistic.
You're just being obedient to the word of God.
The Bible commands us to do this.
He doesn't command us to feel like doing it.
He doesn't command us to want to do it.
He just commands us to forgive and you will be forgiven.
Forgive your debtors and your debts will be canceled.
That's it.
And that's why it's important that feeling doesn't come into it because feeling will
change.
One day you'll be like, yes, this is the right thing to do.
And the next day you'll be like, I hate that person.
They're a dirty rod and no good.
And that's why it's important that you understand that the healing from this forgiveness that
we're doing will come in layers.
Pretty soon you will not have any ill feelings towards that person anymore.
You won't.
But the reason why you still do is because healing takes some time.
And so every time that a bad, negative thought about that person pops up in your head, all
you have to do is bring out your receipts and be like, I forgave them.
You know what, enemy flesh?
I forgave them.
Yep.
I know what they did when it starts whispering in your ear, but you know what they did to
you?
Yes.
But I released them from that.
And guess what?
That means I'm released from it too.
And you might have to do that at first, depending on if you're still in a situation with that,
like say it's your former spouse and you're in a nasty custody battle with them.
You do a forgiveness template for all the things that they did to you in the marriage.
They lied, they cheated, there was spiritual abuse, there was financial abuse, and then
they have the audacity to try to sue you for custody of your children.
They have the audacity to try to get finances from you.
I mean, it's like insult to injury, right?
It's hard stuff to go through.
And I've walked with that.
I've walked through that scenario with so many women, so, so, so many people.
But the bottom line is, is that even if you're in a season with this person where it's still
volatile, if you do this, every time those feelings start to rise up inside of you about
how you feel about this person and what they've done to you, you can remind the opposing forces,
the devil, Satan, Lucifer, whatever.
You can remind that and you can remind your flesh that you have forgiven and released
and now you get to be forgiven and released, right?
And what does that include?
That includes from the aftermath of this.
I believe that when we forgive, God will allow us to have breakthrough in areas like this.
Now, it might not come overnight, but it will come and you just have to trust the Lord.
You know how I know that?
Because everything that Jesus died to give us on the cross is dependent on that verse,
forgive and you will be forgiven.
He died for us and as us.
And if we want to step into what that looks like to be on the finished work of the cross
with him seated in heavenly places, where all of the enemy's tactics and his ploys and
plots including the people that he uses are under our feet, we have to operate in forgiveness
first ourselves.
So we have access to that finished work of the cross.
Sharon, what do you got?
I'll take this.
Well, a couple of things.
What about contractors that did work, performed work that cost a lot of money and then I had
to hire somebody else to do it and when you say forgive them, does that mean like not
take them to small claims court to hold them accountable, like just forgive it?
That has to be something that you take up with the Lord, you know, that has to be something
that you take up with the Lord.
If restitution has to be paid, you guys, let me talk about forgiveness really quickly in
relationship with someone ongoing, okay?
For those of you that have kids that you're going to be raising with a former spouse,
let's talk about that.
Or maybe a parent that has, you know, been abusive in your life and you've forgiven them.
There's something called toxic forgiveness, believe it or not.
Now we are going to erase the ledger because God tells us to.
We're going to cancel the debts, but it's important that we understand that doesn't
mean forgiveness, doesn't mean reconciliation.
It's important that you understand that.
This is why because a lot of people like for instance Tanya's mom
Like Tonya needed to get a divorce. It wasn't a divorce. It was a rescue mission. God wanted her out of there
She was being cheated on she was being abused
God wanted her out of there
But she couldn't go to her parents for advice and they couldn't understand what she was doing because mom had already been putting up with
the same thing
For a long time and mom was using a scripture out of contact
She was saying well, God tells us to forgive or God tells us to turn the other cheek because that's toxic forgiveness
when we allow someone to continue to abuse us and
We say we forgive them because that would be godly
Forgiveness requires changed behavior. It requires accountability
That's what it requires if we're going to stay in relationship. You can forgive someone and release them
But if you're gonna be in relationship with them still you cannot offer them forgiveness with
Reconciliation attached unless there's changed behavior and accountability
Got it
Now in Sharon's situation when someone has caused you financial ruin and they owe you legally
What happens if they have not just committed a sin, but they've also broken the law
Well, there's courts for that
There are and I know the Bible says not to take other
Brothers and sisters to court and I think that that is out of context. I think that that more has to do with
You know
partnerships that you were in together and different things like that and you know, just different like deeper kind of minutia of
relationships between believers
That only came together because they were both believers
Like I trusted you because you were a brother or sister in the faith and we did this financially together
You took advantage of me or this happened or that happened
I think it has to do with more of settling that kind of in a court of
your peers of other like believers and
Mediating that instead of taking it to the courts of the land
but if it's just a regular business arrangement that is governed by
legal things then
You know if you feel before the Lord that you need to go to small claims court because your
Person that rented your house
Ruined it or because you know, I mean then do it
Doesn't mean you can't forgive them. But yeah
Yeah
Okay, the thing is
So this is hard for me to talk about but I'm so glad you're here. So
Basically, I've kind of grown comfortable in my life. I'm not young. I
Haven't dated in probably 20 years or longer maybe
and so I'll join something and then just slam on the brakes and
Just because I don't know I guess I don't know why that's why I'm asking you
I don't understand why I want something so bad and I have the opportunity and then but this time I dove back in last night
I'm like, no, we're not going to join this and then not
Go through the program, you know, but
It's so easy for me to do that. Just just to just blow it off and not think twice
Okay. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to stop thinking about this program as
You dipping your foot back into the dating pool. I want you to be here for heart work right now
I want you to be here for an upgrade in your relationship with God and your relationship with yourself
Okay, the rest will come the desire for that
Will come and so a lot of you like I even saw someone put in the chat. Hey, I graduated from phase one
I did all the heart work, but I'm not ready to go to phase two. I'm not ready to talk about dating
I'm not ready to go be part of a dating challenge
You guys just want you to know that when you go to phase two, you're not gonna be forced into anything
You're not gonna get behind or have FOMO if you don't do like the dating challenge the dating challenge is optional
It's just something to help people get some momentum if that's what they want
But if that's not what you want, then this is your time
This this course belongs to you. Okay, the last year single. It's your last year single. It's not my last year single
It's not Karen's last year single. It is but hers is not the same as Kim's who's not the same as Tanya's or Lydia's
It's important. You understand that it's about what you feel grace for
We have all the tools and all the resources no matter what kind of pace you want to have
And so just know that that we're gonna be with you. We're gonna be in it with you
I'm gonna tell you some of you God's gonna put on a health journey before you ever start dating again
Because you've let yourself go you do not care for yourself
And how can you expect anyone else to care for you?
And you don't care for you if you're expecting to go find some man who's gonna treat you better than you treat yourself
And you're wrong
How you treat yourself is how other people won't treat you
Right and you haven't treated yourself. Well, and you're like
Well, how do people know that?
They know by the way you look.
You can tell a woman who's been stressed out,
who's been a people pleaser,
who has put others before herself
toxically most of her life,
you can tell what she looks like in midlife.
By the time she gets to midlife,
she's usually overweight,
she's got all kinds of hormone issues, all right?
She, a bug just tried to fly in my mouth.
Where'd that bug come from?
The Lord of flies, the father of flies, y'all,
little fly just trying to fly in my mouth.
All right, seriously, I'm not over spiritualizing that,
I'm just joking.
But you can tell, you can tell.
If you have bad habits when you're younger,
not so much anymore, but back in the older days,
before all the crap that they put in our food
and all the hormone disruptors
and the stuff that we're dealing with now,
when you were young, you could have a lot of bad,
toxic habits, but no one would know it
because it hasn't taken its toll yet, right?
But that's not true anymore, right?
So a lot of you, you're gonna go to phase two,
but you're gonna be like trying to go find someone
to love you and to make you feel significant
and to make you feel like you're worth something,
but God's like, oh, hey, I wanna do that.
I want you to be the person
that thinks that you're worth something.
I want to heal your relationship with yourself
before we add another person in here.
We've had people lose over 100 pounds
in this program, you guys.
I know it's not a weight loss program, but it's not fat.
It's hurt, it's fear, it's abuse.
That's what it really was.
It was people-pleasing and lack of self-love.
And so we've had people lose weight.
We've had people heal autoimmune disorders.
We've had people overcome mental and physical illnesses.
We've had all kinds of people have gotten great makeovers
because they started caring for themselves.
They started looking.
I wish I had some pictures right now that I could show you.
I'll post them in your app
of just what people looked like when they came in
and what people looked like when they graduated.
They didn't look the same, all right?
They looked very different.
And so, yes, beauty from the inside,
but beauty from the inside, when we're beautiful inside,
it actually looks like something on the outside.
It does.
It looks like restored youth, restored vitality.
It looks like healthy BMI.
I'm not telling you you need to be a skinny mini
to attract a man.
We've had women of all shapes and sizes
get married through this program.
But I am telling you that if you're unhealthy,
you might not be able to enjoy that marriage for very long
before health problems start showing up at your doorstep.
And the number one predictor of health problems is obesity,
just so you know.
And then number two, if the way your body looks
is connected to some sort of toxic heart wound,
then that's definitely gonna have to be healed
before you get going forward.
Cool?
Well, hey, can I get a shout out to Pedro real quick?
He has a new program that's starting tonight
for the whole world.
He's doing YouTube at 4.30 starting tonight on Monday night.
On YouTube, on his channel.
We definitely wanna make sure that everyone's
in this program on Monday night.
So let's maybe not give that shout out here.
But 4.30, I don't know if you know about it,
but he just made the announcement today.
It's 4.30 every Monday night on his YouTube.
Okay, is it Sarah Shell?
Is that how we say your name?
Sarah Shell?
Okay, go ahead.
Like the first two weeks,
there was tons of memories just showing up,
but he wasn't saying necessarily
like what lies were associated with them.
Is that normal?
I mean, there's some memories that he's like,
and here's the lie that you believed about it.
Like, you know, like,
what do you want me to know about this, Lord?
And others, it was just like memories, you know,
of things that were just popping up.
And I just put them in my journal.
I'm like, okay, I'm just gonna trust you.
You're gonna tell me what I need to know about this.
Right, you know, sometimes it's just like a puzzle piece.
You know, sometimes we'll just have a feeling
like when we do a releasing of like forgiveness,
for instance, forgiveness template.
And then at the bottom of that, it says, you know,
tell me more about this situation.
You might not feel the more,
but you might just feel peace.
You might just feel like, you know,
weight has lifted off of you.
You might just feel like the release
that I'm talking about, and that's fine.
Just write that in your nose.
I just felt release.
I actually felt joy.
I felt happy.
I remembered a good thing.
Like for instance, you guys,
when I was doing the forgiveness template for my mom,
who was my biggest abuser, okay?
She didn't try to be.
She wasn't an evil person,
but she was a very broken person
and broken people break people.
Okay.
So when I did the forgiveness template for her, I had like pages of stuff from my mom
of just incidents where she embarrassed me or humiliated me, where she verbally abused
me.
Like I went through you guys and I forgave my mom for each thing.
I didn't lump stuff together.
I said, I forgive my mom for the time that she slapped me in front of, in my face in
front of my friend.
I forgive the time where my mom dumped lemonade over my head.
I forgive the time.
I mean, I've got stuff.
Okay.
These are real, real things that happen.
But I will tell you that what happened as a result of that, you know, sometimes God
would tell me like what was going on in her own life.
My mom, first of all, she had me really young at 20 years old.
She was married three times before I was 10 years old.
Okay.
To three different abusive men.
And so my mom had a lot of stuff going on.
Okay.
But the bottom line is that one thing that started happening for me is I actually started
remembering good memories.
Like I had no good memories of my childhood, like nothing.
And as I begin to release all of this abuse and trauma and drama, I started to remember
some good things that happened.
Oh, that time that my mom and I sat under the pine tree up in the woods in Pennsylvania
and wrote a song together when I was like 11 years old, the time that, you know, start
remembering some good stuff.
Okay.
And so that kind of stuff will happen too.
So, so you're right on the right track there, sister.
Just keep going.
All right.
Nicole, what do you got?
Hi.
Um, I kind of just wanted to like share like a quick like testimony, um, that this program
really has been doing in my life.
Uh, I don't know if you, well, I know, you know, Tammy, Tammy, I go to a Life Center
Church, J-Hop.
Yeah.
Awesome.
Yeah.
She's my lead pastor.
I love pastor Tammy.
She's great.
Yeah.
She's, she's super passionate and sweet and I love her.
But, uh, in August she had given me like your book and I was like, okay, I'll read it.
And I mean, I had just broken up with somebody like a few months before and it was like this
crazy situation.
So I was like, okay, whatever.
I'll read it.
Um, and I read it and yeah, you know, like I feel like the Lord did honor that time that
I, I read it and I felt like I did have some like kind of breakthrough, but, um, several
months later, like I sort of like, well, not several months later, I have feelings for
this person.
And I was like, God, take this out.
I don't want to have feelings for anybody.
And he's like, can you please give me a year?
And I was like, okay.
And then Tammy ends up like being like, Hey, Nicole, do you want me to get married?
And I'm like, yeah, of course.
Like that's a desire in my heart long story short, she introduces me to your program and
it says last year single.
And I was like, okay, God, why are you doing that?
Like you just helped me to give you a year anyway.
So I go and I stopped in my heart and I'm like, okay, fine, I'll join the program.
I mean, I've spoken with you before at the church and I just think you're just a wonderful
God fearing woman.
And I'm like, I trust that.
And in this process, like the way that the Lord has like, undone me and deepened my relationship
with him is absolutely it's just crazy.
I feel so good about all the like the things that like showed up that if I if they would
have showed up in August, I don't think I would have genuinely accepted the process
of healing and the forgiveness of like the things I needed to forgive and especially
when it came to me and like even how I have relationship with God.
So I just wanted to share that testimony because it's just been really encouraging and I don't
know what phase two has and I don't know what God has when it comes to this person I like,
but I'm just really I'm just enjoying just like the sweetness of just like letting go
of like this hard part and just softening it to like God's like process and letting
go of like control or my understanding of things.
So yeah, I just wanted to share that that testimony with you.
That's awesome, Nicole.
I love it.
I love that.
And you guys, that's often how God works.
You know, he just works in, you know, just not not the timing that we're expecting, but
you know, we have tipping points.
We have moments where God calls us into a tipping point where it's like things that
we've tried in the past.
Nothing ever happened with that.
And then all of a sudden we're doing something similar to it and boom, we're having breakthrough.
And that's because it's a situation where things were being chipped away and now we're
having this tipping point.
And if you want that kind of momentum, you have to keep going.
You have to keep going.
That's the most important.
thing. For those of you that live in the New York, New Jersey area, this month, at the end of the
month, we're having a conference up in Jersey at the King of Kings Church. So if you want to come
and see me in person up there, we'll be putting out the registration info in all of your groups.
It should be in your resource section of your groups. If it's not already there, it will be
there very soon. And we'd love to see you guys in person. So come see us in person.
Can I say something to what you just said? Because it's so true. Because the fact that I
had just finished this fifth week, something came up to try to discourage me. And I was like,
what am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing? And I almost didn't even hop on this call.
And then now I'm just like, wow, it's so true. Something will always try to steal what God is
trying to do in your life. But you just have to keep moving forward. And that's something that
I've never really done myself. It's like, keep going. I'll always stop in something. But it
feels good to keep going. You guys, we have to. We have to keep going. We will never know.
Look, if you believe that you prayed and you asked God for help, and then all of a sudden
help comes, and maybe it's not always in the package that you expected to be in, but you just
prayed and now help is here, right? You just have to go with it. And you have to stick with it
until that breakthrough comes. You just have to. That's what's the most important thing.
So whether it's an exercise routine, whether it's a diet, a lot of people quit diets because they
don't get fast results. You're not supposed to get fast results with something that's healthy.
Okay? You're going to get results. It's important to get results, but they might be kind of slow at
first until they start ramping up. Same thing with anything. And so that's why that, once again,
that list of things that try to get us derailed at the beginning of this process, I put that at
the beginning of your program. Distractions, disruptions, all different types of hell trying
to break loose on you. You have the authority to speak peace to those storms, especially since all
they're trying to do is distract you. Nothing's a coincidence, you guys. And if something starts
happening right when you're trying to better yourself, you bet your bottom dollar that the
enemy is trying to get you to back up and sit down. And so don't do it. All right? Because it's not
just about you. Just so you know, this is about your lineage and legacy. It's not just about you
getting breakthrough. It's about you setting the tone and the cadence of breakthrough for all the
people that are coming after you in this family line. You get to be the person, the kinsman,
redeemer, if you want to be. And so I believe that that's why you're here. In fact, I used to
say this is a program for kinsmen redeemers because, you know, there's eight plus billion
people in the world. And I think that to date, we've only served like 3000. You do the math.
We've helped 1600 people get married. We've only served 3000. How many of those people you think
stayed on the course? A lot of people drop out. They quit. You know, those are crazy good numbers,
I would say, as far as helping people get engaged and married in the last four years,
especially when you juxtaposition it with how many people have actually signed up for this course.
That's more than half. Okay. And I'm going to tell you, a lot of people quit before they ever
get started in here. And so if you're one of the people that actually gets all the way through
into phase three, then you're going to be in the minority. And those are the people that get
success because that's why God has you here. And some people get quicker success than others as far
as just meeting the guy that they marry. Some people meet them as soon as they start in phase
two, like boom. Some of them meet them in phase one and have to push them off until they get to
phase two because they're in a dating sabbatical. And some people don't meet them until they're in
phase three for a while. But I'm telling you, if you do the hard work, which is the work,
if you do the work, you will get the results. This is where it all stems from right here. Phase
one is the secret sauce. And you're going to use these tools throughout phase two. They're
going to be strengthened and reinforced. You're going to use these tools all throughout phase three
and it's going to be great. All right, you guys, I got to run. Some of you got to run
too. I see that. It's been a pleasure to coach you. I'll be here again tonight because Bethany
is sick. Say a prayer for her. We want her back feeling healthy. And this is in recording and so
will the 8 p.m. session. And you can find it in your replays in your app. Check out your resource
section. We do have a singles cruise coming up. All of you will be graduated by then. It's January
2026. It's very affordable. I think that the down payment is only $120 and then you can make like
$100 payments for, you know, a year or something. I don't know all the details of it, but the
details are there in your resource page. Can't wait to go to Cartagena on our last trip single
at the end of April with
those ladies that are going on that.
We do have a singles conference up in Jersey.
We will be having a single conference here
in Austin, Texas.
Dates to be announced,
but it will be late spring, early summer.
That's gonna be really amazing
if you can come in person and be here for that.
And I think that's it for now, all right?
I'll talk to you guys soon.
Have a great one.
Bye, everyone.