All right. Welcome, ladies. It is March 4th. This is your Phase 2, 1 o'clock check-in.
So awesome to be here with you ladies today. For those of you that don't know me, I am
Carla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year Single for Phase 2. I'm a success
story. I've been with Jackie since pretty much the beginning of when she first did her
big launch in September, October of 2020. So it took me a couple years. I probably pushed
back on some of the coaching longer than I needed to, but it was all in God's perfect
timing and was able to meet my spirit mate, my husband now. We've been married exactly
one year and six months from yesterday. So I just realized that. So yeah, we're still
in those early, early years of marriage. So I've got some wisdom that comes with that
for you single ladies that I was thankful that was shared with me as well, but you don't
really realize it until you're in it. So just know I'm on this other side of it. So
when I come and I'm coaching and maybe I'm pulling Band-Aids off for some of you, it's
all from a place of love and understanding and wisdom and know that I've been through
all of all the program too and probably bucked a handful of things that Jackie told me to
do. I didn't always want to do them. So anyway, welcome. Do we have any new members to phase
two that's on this call? Lauren. Yes. Welcome. So glad to have you with us. Fantastic. I
think I recognize just about everything. Joan, I don't, I just see your first name. I don't
see a picture. So forgive me. I don't know if this is your first time on phase two call
or in phase two, if this is your first week, but anyway, we're glad to have everybody here
with us. So I'm just going to go over some housekeeping stuff. We're going to switch
things up a little bit. I had the privilege to go spend some time with Jackie and David
this past weekend. My husband and I went down to Austin for my birthday and you know, I
got to have just some, you know, fun time with Jackie and, and she and I had a chat
about just the structure of our calls. And so things are going to be a little bit different,
but I think it's all going to be really good. So we're going to basically, we're just going
to allow more of this to be a, we used to call them back when I was in the beginning,
we used to call them love seats where we, you know, Jackie would just let us come and
ask her all the questions. And so it was just more of a dialogue back and forth. So we're
going to spend a majority of our time doing that. I'm still going to do just a little
bit of teaching, but not a whole lot. So anyway, let me get into housekeeping and then we'll,
we'll kind of dive into that and I can explain that a little further. So please just make
sure that you stay muted, especially while we're teaching these first beginning parts
that we can do our best to keep things on time. Obviously we're going to spend a lot
of time unpacking questions with you ladies. So obviously then you'd be able to unmute.
If you do know that you have a question, go ahead and put the avatar hand up now, and
that will let us know that you, you have some things that you want to unpack. You have questions
about, so we, we, we kind of stay on track here. Okay. I do ask that when you do have
your questions. So those ladies that have been on with me in the past know that just
keep those things short, brief and powerful. If you've been on my call before, you know,
I talk a lot and so I try to talk really fast. I do try to shorten my words. So we all are
just going to do our best to keep things short, brief and powerful so that we can have enough
time and space for everybody to ask their questions for us to dive into. I know a lot
of times people have more than one question, which is totally fine. In the beginning, just
ask your one question. And then when we get through everybody that has their one question,
then we can go back and you can double dip and you can ask, you know, more questions
if you have them. Okay. One thing I just want to make sure that you ladies are aware of,
please make sure that you're watching the Love Story Accelerator content. I think I've
saw a few people and I will typically ask people like, what videos have you watched?
And I'm noticing
that we're kind of like getting away from watching that content.
So it's really important.
There's five videos in your course content.
It's under the course tab in your app.
And so make sure that you're watching one of those videos a week.
OK, that's the best practice that we ask you to do.
Then one week, you know, pray about it, meditate on it.
You know, really allow Holy Spirit to speak to you in that week
after listening to that content and how you can apply
what we share in that content to how you're walking this phase two course out.
I think that might be why we might be seeing
some of the confusion and the the maybe
some of the anxiousness that's coming up while people are dating
is because some of you have not been watching that content.
So please make sure that you're doing that
while you're watching one course video a week.
Make sure that you're also coming to these live Tuesday calls.
Watch those replays if you are not able to attend.
And that includes that Supernatural Saturday.
You really, really can't stress
enough how important Supernatural Saturday is to get to,
as well as this Tuesday call. OK.
I even encourage you, ladies, because you are here with me now.
And this is the one that goes in replay.
I also encourage you, ladies, if you can make the eight o'clock
Eastern time to jump on that one as well.
OK, because there's other women that are in there
that can't be on this one o'clock and they have questions.
And you can learn a lot from their questions and Ebony's feedback for them.
And then every now and then I pop in as well when I can.
So go to those if you can.
Ladies, if you have been in this community, not community,
I should let me rephrase that.
If you've been in this phase.
For about three months or more, and you've watched all the video content
and you've been to a couple lives, let's start shifting you into phase three.
OK. And to do that, you would email admin at Jackie Dorman dot com. OK.
I'm just a reminder that we do see the most breakthrough from.
Ladies here, and I can attest to this because I was one of those women.
OK, we see the most breakthrough from those that are actively,
consistently and intentionally engaging in community and showing up.
You know, you have to be you have to be you have to be showing up
and you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone at times.
OK. And I say this.
Knowing like, understand, I'm I've been where you're been, where you're at. OK.
It's so, so important.
I say as I'm on the other side of it, be open to being teachable.
OK, that's important.
We ask you, ladies, when you are interacting with men
and you're getting to know men on these, you know, level two beginning dates,
you're looking for fruit, you're looking to see is a man teachable.
Is he mature in that sense?
OK. And so if we're asking,
you know, I'm wanting you ladies to find that.
And then we also want you to show up in the same way as well.
You know, and the reason I say that is, you know, there is it's
it's being able to submit to wisdom that we have here for you, ladies.
And last year, single, it's part of that preparation process for marriage.
To be to be honest, you know, there is a, you know, submitting to wisdom
is you're going to have to learn to have that submissive posture.
And I know Jackie shares
about that submission word, I know, and heartwork.
And it's the beginning of the heartwork book.
So depending on how long ago you you did your heartwork,
that that might be might be something to press into a little bit.
Just remember, part of this coaching and this program
is so that you ladies don't come out the same way that you came in.
We're here to grow you in love and it will stretch you.
OK. You know, Jackie often says that there is a process
that accompanies the promise.
And so just being willing to to accept that and be open to that,
you know, doesn't mean that it's going to be easy, doesn't mean.
And again, like Jackie says, it doesn't have to be easy.
It just has to be worth it.
OK, but you are here
and we're going to partner with you.
You don't have to go through an
a hard knit, like a hard season alone.
We're here to walk that process with you
and to make it as comfortable as we can.
But again, there's going to be discomfort.
That's where the growth and the stretching comes.
So just keep that in mind, you know, we also encourage you ladies to continue to show up
and stay engaged with the other ladies. But I really want to emphasize to not allow it to
don't allow it to cost your own growth in the process. Okay, so we want you showing up and
being there for other people, but not at the expense of your own growth. Okay. So if you find
yourself constantly wanting to, you know, encourage all the other women, again, we always tell you,
you know, encourage each other. But let's take the advice giving hat off. But we also don't
want you to be so consumed with pouring into other people that you're missing your own process of
growth, okay, and stretching because sometimes that will happen is sometimes it gets really
uncomfortable for us when we're being pressed, you know, and that pressure is coming, all right,
that refining is starting to come, it can get really uncomfortable. And so one way that I've
seen show up time and time again, in the years that I've been coaching, is that we then detract
and we kind of go the other way, we shift the other way that when we start feeling the pressure,
we start putting the focus on other people and pouring into other people instead of our own
growth. So just want you ladies to be mindful of that. Okay. All right, that's housekeeping. I'm
going a lot longer than I want to, I really want to get us moving. So I'm going to go ahead and
quickly pray and we'll get started. So Heavenly Father, I just thank you so much for this time
together, Lord. I thank you for your wisdom. And and that you are here to partner with us and that
you bring people in our lives to help us walk through these seasons. Lord, you put the right
people in our path because you love us and you care for us. And Lord, I just thank you for that
gentleness that you have with us. I thank you for your discipline that you give us as well, because
that discipline helps us grow and partner with what it is that you want to cultivate in us. So
Heavenly Father, I just continue to ask, you know, just to come alongside us, to be present,
you know, to speak to us. And, you know, just again, remind us of that simple prayer that Jackie
often prays herself and encourages us to pray is teach us, show us, heal us, grow us. And we
appreciate your gentleness as well as your discipline in Jesus name. Amen. Okay. So like I said,
I know I've got some new people on that were not here just a moment ago when I was expressing,
excuse me for just a minute. I'm really battling some some sickness here. I had the privilege to
hang out with Jackie this weekend. My husband and I went down to Austin to spend some time with them.
It was also a little getaway for my birthday. And so, you know, I had a conversation with Jackie,
we talked a little bit about last year single, and she encouraged me to start shifting this call to
be more of a what we use we call love seat. So this is where we just it's an open forum where you can
ask your questions. And so I'll still do a little bit of teaching, but we will not go into where
before I was, you know, we, Ebony and I were teaching and touching little topics from the
videos and the content, where we're no longer going to do that, because it's your responsibility,
ladies, to make sure you're watching that content. And again, that's one video per week. Okay.
For activations, I'm going to keep the same activation that we did last week, because I did
not see anyone and forgive me if I missed it. I didn't see anyone post about the activation.
And that's the one where you are interacting with all people, male and female, young and old,
and you're to find something attractive about them. Okay, what attracts you to them? What's
attractive in them? I'm not talking physical, okay. And I'm also going to emphasize this is
not about the men that you're dating. I mean, you still always need to be, you know, coming in
checking, okay, what do I like about this person? What do I not like? Is there anything that I don't
like? What do I like? What fruit am I seeing? What fruit and gold are you seeing in people and make
sure that you come into the app and share that with us. Okay. I did this activation years ago,
and I'm telling you it blessed my life.
Because I really could start seeing what I enjoyed in people what I found
Attractive in people and then it allowed me to work on, you know, what's attractive about me
What quality and characteristics do I have to offer?
That other people will see fruit in okay, it goes both ways. And so that's why I share that. Okay
So we're about 16 minutes in
I'm gonna talk really fast so I can get through it because I want you ladies to have the opportunity to ask your questions
Jackie really emphasized that these calls cannot be longer than 75 minutes long
So we really need to keep them into that one hour 15 minutes
Maybe one hour 20 if we have to
So I'm gonna talk fast, but I got a lot of wisdom to share. So take it all in
Okay, and then I'm gonna open the floor to you ladies
okay, so one thing that I really wanted what what Holy Spirit spoke to me and
I'm just gonna share with you for those of you don't know me. I have three kids two of them are bonus children and
You know, I'm often reminded
about how God operates through my
Parenting of three kids now. So again, I'm blending a family and
And those of you that will step into marriages that will have blending a family
Let me tell you that it's there's a lot of growth that will take place
okay, and so I have these three kids and and you know, I was just reminded this morning of how
You know, we hit they're all different ages. I have a 15 a 13 and a nine-year-old and
When you're a parent
They have you there's certain privileges that your kids, you know grow into so let's say
Driving a car
Getting to go hang out with their friends by themselves. Maybe not with the parent anymore
Maybe it's dating of whatnot. Okay, and so my kids always come to me like at what age am I allowed to do this?
At what age am I allowed to do this and my husband I have to stress with our kids
It's not about age
it's more about
your
responsibilities and
Your maturity
Do you have the ability to be responsible? Are you mature enough to carry this extra privilege that carries a little bit more?
responsibility and
so it reminds me of
How God operates with us and how he operated with me in my single season
you see ladies like
God wants you married more than what then what you think you want to be married, right?
That's what Jackie says. God wants you married more than you want to be married
He wants it more for you than you want it for yourself
and
So but with that I had to learn
There was that process
the maturity the wisdom that I needed in order to carry the capacity of
What marriage entailed
Okay, and so for some of you that have been married before you will probably get this I
Didn't because I had never been married before
I'm lucky. My husband has been married before because he gets some of this. He has a lot more patience with me
I'm having to grow through a lot more because I've never been married and
so
There is such a capacity that you and a maturity that will come in marriage
but again, it's
I'm not gonna let my
13 year old behind the seat of behind the wheel of a car
Like she's not ready for it
like
She's not mature enough for it
We actually have had conversations that with our children and dating
She's not even mature enough to even date on her own right now
She's had trauma in her life the way that she attaches to people. She's not responsible enough to have
dating interactions with boys
Because she's gonna find herself in all sorts of unhealthy stuff
And so as parents we're gonna guard her a little bit of that. We're not gonna allow her to open that door
Okay. Now we have an older son who's 15. He's very mature. We're still holding off for him. But again
That's that's important so God operates in that same way
not because he's holding out on you, but it's because
He wants to bless you
so that
you carry
That blessing all the way through because ladies your mature your marriage is for life
And
The enemy will want to come and kill still and destroy
kingdom marriage
So there is a maturity and there's a growing and there's a responsibility that comes with it
And so that's what you know in here at last year single
Especially in this phase is that we really try to instill that and I get it's gonna stretch a lot of you
But there's some discipline that comes with it, you know
There really is and so I just really want you ladies to take hold of that and
Understand that
This is the process
Okay, and so with that I want to go into this pacing and we touched on this last week this pacing of dating
So all of you come in from phase one
you weren't dating in phase one or at least you were in courage not to and now you come into phase two and we
Open the gates for you
some people
They're like, I'm not sure I want to do that. Some of y'all just like go
And from the high dive and I mean you just whoa, right so we get that
but y'all are coming in to this idea of dating and what's important to understand and I want to go into that levels of
dating and
again, this is in the dating 101 video, but I'm gonna unpack it a little bit more because I really think it's important and and I
Want you ladies to understand that level two?
relationship
Okay, I want you to start and we don't say this in the video
But I really want you to get a hold of this is level two is really like two parts
There's level 2a and then there's level 2b the early stages
Where it's two to three dates, maybe even four dates. Ideally. It's about a month long of
Level 2a dating. Okay, and that's that discovery dating that's getting to know someone
You are just seeing do you enjoy being around this person? Can you find some things in common?
You're really taking that am I attracted to him on a physical level? Is there any romance there?
You know, what's this gonna look like? I mean, I know we get into that
I need him to I need to know that he loves Jesus. I need to know that he worships
I need to know he can speak in tongues. I need to know that he has vision like we can get overworked in that
Level 2a is remove that. Okay. I'm not saying you're gonna move remove it forever
But you're just in the beginning stages of get to know someone enjoy being around them let them enjoy being around you
You know, what's really cool about you what makes you fun to be around
Let them see that
Okay, it reminds me of even what Jackie said
Proverbs 18 22. That's yeah, because that's our men's challenge
When a man finds a wife, he finds favor with the Lord
Let the man see you as a wife because you're showing up in your divine feminine
You're not sitting here investigating everything and picking apart, you know
But what if he doesn't do this and what if he doesn't like this? We're not there
We're not there for each other. We're not there for each other
But what if he doesn't do this and what if he doesn't like this we're not there yet
Okay
Level 2a two to three even four dates
Probably about a month long. We're not rushing into the process here. We're pacing it. Well
You're discovering you're getting to know somebody and then when you've passed that point you've spent
You know
Several weeks getting to know them. You've been on a couple dates. You really do enjoy them
That's when you can start entertaining some deeper get to know you questions
That would be then level to be
Because we're not saying you're not gonna deep dive with people you will get there
eventually
but I'm seeing a lot of people want to rush that process and there's this urgency and
Again I will I'm gonna remind you ladies if you are not
Connected to Jackie on social media on Instagram, especially
She just did this. I wanted to say it was like three four weeks ago. She broke it down
About this especially in the millennial
generation you have women that have this urgency to
Get married and have kids or the men and that age right?
They're still like, okay, like I'm open to it, but they don't have an urgency the way
that we do as women.
And believe it or not, ladies, some of you, if you come in real hard with that, you're
going to, you're going to scare some of the good men away.
I'm just being real with you.
Okay.
This is even just feedback from my husband and what he experienced when he was dating.
Okay.
So just keep that in mind.
Okay.
I'm saying you're not going to deep dive those questions, but ladies don't do it too soon.
Okay.
Don't do it prematurely.
You don't want to attach to people too quickly because what also happens is this.
We start and women are good at this.
We start fantasizing what things could look like, be like what we want it to look like,
what we hope they look like, how we hope they show up.
And it just gets really mucky.
And so, and I even say that because some of you ladies want to be Sherlock Holmes.
You want to go be detective on these men and you're finding, you know, one of your sisters
here in the community, she went, she went and did some detective work.
She went Google searching and she found out some information that was pretty premature.
And it was from 10 years ago.
This guy's passed from 10 years ago.
And ladies, like it, and before you even start getting to know somebody, like it can
get dangerous.
It's really important to understand that you are God defended.
Okay.
God is going to let you know what you need to know when you need to know it.
Okay.
When you, and if you pace things well, you will, there will just naturally be a revealing
of green flags, yellow flags, and red flags, and have this community to lean on, to share
what's going on on those dates.
And we will help you differentiate what's a green flag, what's a yellow flag, what's
a red flag.
Okay.
And so you don't have to go searching.
Okay.
You have this community to share.
All right.
We give you guardrails.
If you pace yourself well, like it really has a lot to say, like, are you able to trust?
And if you are going out trying to be detective and figure things out on your own to go protect
yourself, it really is, then that's just a revealing that you've got some areas of trust
that could be worked on.
You know, ladies, I still have areas of trust that I have to work on, even in my marriage.
Okay.
So I'm not saying it to like, again, I don't ever want you ladies to feel shame or guilt
or anything like that.
It's, it's, I will be your sister that will be real with you.
All right.
I will not, I'm the, I'm the, I'm the girlfriend, I'm the sister, I'm, you know, my friends
always know, if you want to know the truth, go to Carla, she'll tell you.
She will like, and I do my best to, you know, again,
I hope you all hear it comes from a place of love.
A lot of times it comes from a place of my own testimony.
So all that being said, I think it was really important for us to kind of touch on that.
But now I really do want to open the floor.
I want to hear from all of you.
I see a couple of you, I don't see cameras on.
So if you can get your camera on, I want to see, I want to see your beautiful faces.
There's a few of you that I know we've been chatting in the app.
So I know, you know, y'all have updates and all sorts of things.
Remember, we want to keep things short, brief and powerful.
Okay.
So Lauren, I see your hand, I got six hands up.
So short, brief and powerful.
One question.
We're going to get through all of everybody's one question.
And if there's time for more, we will allow you to ask a second or third after everybody's
asked their first.
Cool.
All right.
Lauren, what you got for us?
Welcome to phase two, by the way.
Thank you.
I'm in bed with cramps.
So you have to excuse me.
Girl, I feel you.
I feel you.
Yeah.
It's awful.
But I guess my question is, I had like a first video date with somebody yesterday after we
talked like a week or whatever.
And it was like a little bit of a mild catfish situation.
Like he wasn't smiling with his teeth in any of his photos.
I think he's gained some weight maybe since the photo.
It just was a little bit different than what I expected.
And I just was kind of like, oh, I don't know if I could be attracted to this person like
in that way.
But he's been like so kind.
I'm so attentive, like, just like a really lovely person. Um,
and I can tell he's very excited about me. And so I'm almost a
little bit like, do I even go on a date with him?
Oh, how like, how like, far off are his photos from what he
shows up?
Um, I hear catfish. So like, when I think of catfish, I think
like, you are completely not the person you are.
Like, it's more like, you know, when people like catfish where
it's like, they have a hat on in every photo, and then you see
their hair and you're like, Oh,
it was eating hairline. You're like, there's a reason why they
were absolutely
more like that, like, like, he's just doesn't really have a great
smile. Um, definitely has gained a lot of weight. Like he broke
his ankle last summer. And so I think genuinely, he probably has
not been able to like, work out as much. Yeah. But just like,
like significantly bigger than
so aside from all of the physical stuff. Yeah.
You're what fruit are you seeing out of him?
Oh, he's like, so attentive. He asks really good questions. He's
consistent. He's, he's kind of shy. And I feel like a little
bit maybe insecure. But like when I was on the FaceTime, like
he was very confident being like, well, your hair is really
beautiful. Like just like saying kind things to me, you know?
So we have some fruit. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So this is where
you you're gonna inevitably get to decide. Okay, now I'll give
you feedback from what I've seen having walked through this
program since 2020. Okay. I was not physically attracted to my
husband at first. Now I think he is the most like sexiest man
alive. Okay. Like, okay. And there's a lot of women in this
community, actually, that were not initially physically
attracted to them, to their husbands now. A lot of that
stuff, you can change, like, I've been married to my husband
now a year and a half. And when we went to go visit Jackie and
David, and they have met him before. And Jackie made a
comment about like, my husband dressed the way that David
dressed when they were first dating a math professor. Okay.
And she's I remember I first time she met him and she talked
to me about she's like, girl, you don't have to teach that man
how to dress. Like she reminds me he reminds me of David. And
David is now like if you if any of you see pictures of David,
he's a very stylish guy because that's Jackie. Yeah, this
weekend, I finally got my husband to like, like upgrade
his wardrobe. Okay. A lot of that stuff can change teeth.
There's invisible line. Like teeth can be fixed. You know,
hair, I don't know. I mean, if he's balding, you can't fix
balding so much. But ladies, I can tell you, I, there was a
time, my husband is not balding. But there was a time that I
thought maybe I would date and marry a man that was bald. Like
and just the facial hair, like I actually find facial hair very
attractive. My husband did not have facial hair when I first
met him. He now has facial hair because I find it very
attractive. So a lot of the physical stuff can be changed.
Right now in that level two a dating because again, remember,
I just talked about that. You're just spending time to get to
know them. Do you enjoy them? What fruit are you seeing? What
do you like about a man showing up? What are you learning about
yourself? This is not like you don't have to dive into the
romance. Okay. And the physical attraction and all that kind of
stuff that doesn't have to come right away. Okay.
So he's, he's a little bit like, so what did you think? Like
after the call? Like, I feel like he's kind of excited to
move things forward to where I'm a little like,
all right. Of course, he's excited. But I'm like, nervous.
Like, I feel like I can have to be like, well, we can find that
out. Like as time goes by, like I said, I'm like, we should
probably see if we enjoy being around each other.
Go on, go on an in person day, you know, enjoy them. And here's
the thing, like, if he's asking you, what do you think? Be
honest with him? And honest to attempt like a honest in the
sense that you're saying, I really appreciate and value how
attentive you are. And I like I really appreciate it. And I and
I find that attractive. Okay, so you see ladies how this this
activation that I shared with y'all last week that I want you
to do this week, how this shows up, you are attracted
to someone who is consistent with you or attentive,
is intentional with you.
I dated a guy that I was,
obviously he's not my husband,
because I'm married now.
One thing that I really adored and appreciated
and found very attractive about him
was his intentionality with me.
And I knew that was something
that I wanted in a spirit mate.
And it didn't mean that he was my spirit mate,
I just could recognize I really appreciated and valued that.
So then after that relationship fizzled and I ended that,
when I went out on dates after, I was looking for that.
Like, no, I really love when someone's intentional with me.
And Lord, I really hope that my husband will show that.
And my husband actually was.
So those are reasons why like this level 2A dating
is just about, you're getting to know them.
Give this guy a chance.
I say, that would be my two cents.
You are your own person,
you're allowed to make your own choices.
I say, because you've spent time,
and you see some fruit in him,
you might not be physically attracted to him,
but see what you can learn and grow in
and what opportunities can surface in getting to know him.
Okay, and then keep us posted.
Okay, thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, Bernice, you're up girl.
How are you?
I'm good, I have a question, how are you?
I'm good.
And I was just wondering like, okay,
I have not talked to Constantine since Wednesday.
And as you know, he went back to Florida
because he had to take care of some business
as far as getting his house up to par
because of the hurricane and so forth.
And so he's not, well, I don't know.
He's not back yet, but maybe he is back yet.
I know yesterday the appraiser was supposed to come
to appraise this house.
And also I told him I would look as well
to see if there was appraiser on my team.
I'm a part of the real estate team as well
to see if I could find an appraiser.
So one person responded and I gave him
that name and so forth.
And he said, thank you.
And usually he is very good at getting back with me
and being intentional, like you said.
But this time I have not heard from him.
Okay, so let me ask you, typically when,
how long have you guys been getting to know each other?
Remind me.
Since February 1st,
but he's been going back and forth to Florida.
So when you guys are interacting
and you're messaging back and forth,
is he usually the one that initiates conversation?
We both do.
Okay, if I don't hear from him, then I initiate.
And then if he doesn't hear from me, he'll initiate.
Okay, so has that happened this week?
Have you initiated and he's not responding?
No.
He, oh yeah, yeah, I did initiate and he did not respond.
So-
When was the last time you initiated?
Today.
Today, okay.
Before today, how many days?
Wednesday, I think it was Wednesday.
Yeah, Wednesday.
Okay, and on today's Tuesday, so you initiated Wednesday.
Did you hear from him last Wednesday?
Just to say thank you, because while he's there,
he was complaining about having to be stationary there
and he only can stay upstairs, that kind of thing.
And so I said, well, maybe you should get out
and do something fun while you're there
since you can't do anything right now.
And then he said he would go and see a friend
that moved down there.
And I said, oh, that would be good.
And so I just said, you know, have a good time.
And then I asked him coming back.
Well, I don't know if he came back or went.
But I asked him, did he have a good time and nothing, I haven't heard anything.
And that was today?
That was Wednesday.
Oh, okay.
And so then what did you, what did you send him today?
I sent him a long text just saying, you know, I really appreciate your profile.
And that was the reason why that I reached out to you.
I mean, I, yeah, reached out to you, but because I had said to him, I like your picture, you
know, when I left it at that, and then he reached out to me.
I also said, oh, the reason why that I reached out to you, because I saw that you liked your
family.
And also, he talked about being resilient and honest, and treating people kind.
And he has, he has treated me that way, I feel like he has treated me that way.
And this is where I think, you know, you're, we're now it's, it's, you put it in his court,
you reach out to him.
And so now it's just going to be waiting and seeing, like, is he going to be responsive?
It could be a number of things.
It could be because he really has a lot on his plate.
It could also be because maybe he's, I mean, is this long distance?
No, he actually lives in Indiana, but he's in Florida now, taking care of.
So yeah, I think, you know, it just sounds like there's a lot of back and forth for him
right now.
So I mean, it could be partly because he's, he's, he's preoccupied, he's busy.
And again, ladies, like, you know, you can only, a lot of this is just about reciprocation.
And so this is why you're putting it in his court and you've just got to practice, you
know, okay, you've, you've done your part, you're, you're reaching out and you're waiting
to see if he's going to respond.
You know, this is why, again, we stress the whole level two dating where you're intentionally
getting to know other people because you never know what happens in life.
If people are, you know, intentional about dating, they might want to be dating and it
sounds like a good plan, but then when something comes along, it might be like, Ooh, I'm not
ready for this.
Or I don't know.
And we don't, we don't know a whole lot about people in the beginning stages because they're
still strangers.
And so that's why we do encourage you to continue just to, you know, get to know other people
and reciprocate and you've put it in, in, in his court to respond, wait to see.
And here's the thing when he responds and you know, if he responds, just say, you know,
you can be honest, just say, Hey, you know, I've noticed communication has dipped a little
bit.
You know, can you help me understand as understand why ladies need to communicate and ask questions,
you know, as long as we're not attacking and interrogating people, but it's just really
from a heart of, you know, Hey, I was really enjoying getting to know you and our conversation.
And I've noticed it's dipped a little bit.
Why is that?
And then let them, let them share.
Yeah.
Let's be honest about it.
You know,
I put that in there and so forth, it's like you're saying, so, but I wanted to ask you
this one question, like he has shared that, okay, his, his, his first wife abandoned him
and he had to raise two kids.
And then he said his second wife, after 20 years left him, and I didn't ask him for that
information.
He volunteered it to me.
Yeah.
And we can't control when guys deep dive with us.
We just do our best to kind of be like, Oh, thanks for sharing that information with me.
I'm sorry to hear that.
And then we try to redirect.
Okay.
You'll get, again, men are not being coached the way that y'all are being coached.
So we have to give a little grace there and just know, okay, does it mean that we're not
going to have those conversations, but in the early stages of level two, like you don't
need to.
But again, I mean, my husband did that.
My husband told me more information than he needed to, but I was able to kind of be like,
okay.
take it with a grain of salt and we'll still continue to get to know him and obviously I'm
married to him so um so my question go ahead um that's the same question is okay he also said that
in December he started dating because his divorce was final in May of last year and so
I'm just wanting to ask you are these red flags that I should be really looking at because
if he he said another lady just left without saying anything and I'm like
these red flags I don't think that these I don't think this these are yellow I don't think these
are red flags I think they they can be yellow flags like these are things that you're going
to want to pay attention to and as you get to know him you're going to see how does he handle
conflict how does he handle um you know it again like these are things ladies like in the beginning
stages you're not going to know all of the details but these are flags that you're being mindful of
and as you continue to press forward and get to know them and see them you know and this is again
why we say two three four dates because you know let's be real ladies on a first date we're all
kind of just not ourselves we're trying to put our best foot forward on a first date even a second
date I'll even say and by the time you start opening up and getting to know people and and
spending time with them you'll get that information and you'll see behavior because ladies people
can't cover their behavior for a long period of time you know and so you're gonna see and then
that's when when you see those things come up it's having the ability to show up in your feminine
and communicate and ask questions ladies I can't tell you enough how important it is
to to not assume but to ask more questions ask why hey I noticed this why why why was that
or hey you know you you mentioned this before what why do you think it is that you show up in
that way why do you think it is that you respond that way you know that's when you start seeing
because you're you're spending time with them and you're seeing them interact with people and that's
when you can bring up conversation so I wouldn't say that these are red flags because again you
you know you don't know what the other person was like so you really never know like how have
they grown I say this because my husband was married for 11 years before his wife passed
you know she had some mental health issues that relationship was not a healthy relationship it
was not a healthy marriage he was very forthcoming to me about it it was a yellow flag for me because
I'm like this woman can't even defend herself because she's not here on earth but as I spent
more time getting to know him and then we spent you know we had known each other and then we started
introducing each other in other circles like I got to meet friends and family he got to meet my
friends and family and we you know paced that I could see how he he was showing up I learned how
he took that marriage and how he grew from it I saw fruit in that and again I didn't know right
right then and so that's why again these are yellow flags but we don't want you ladies making
red flags or yellow flags red before it's important to pace yourself and still just
keep moving forward you can't turn any of those flags yellow or green unless you have more
information the way you get more information is you spend time with them you don't go digging you
don't go searching for it you just again you you put yourself in situations of dates and you know
like I said this last week I'm a competitive person so I wanted to do dates that I could see
if my husband could hang with me in a competitive nature you know now if he was aggressive and you
know just couldn't take you know losing like that would have been like yeah no this this dude ain't
for me if he handled it and kind of pouted and threw a fit about it I would be able to see like
maybe this guy has some things that he needs to work on you know so you're gonna you're gonna see
more information as you continue to get to know people
again ladies when you partner with Holy Spirit and you allow such like you allow
God to surface situations because I'm telling you he will he will let you know
what you need to know when you need to know it you I mean I can't tell I mean I
don't have any off the top of my head but I have known through the years where
they're just been I mean it the only explanation is God as to why people
found certain things out God allowed those things to surface so we've got to
go in with this heart of I am God defended and I am protected I'm gonna
show up as my best self and and move forward
what's that you think I should still talk to him yeah I think you put it out
there I think you you reached out to him now let's wait and see if he
responds and when he responds I would encourage you to you know express him
hey like I noticed you you're not showing up the way that you did in the
beginning you know is there a reason for that and let and and see and then you
you make him aware hey I noticed our conversation is not the way it used to
be and then he gives a response and then you wait to see how he shows up does he
continue to be pulled away or does he say oh wow I I'm so sorry I didn't
realize I was doing that you're right I haven't I've been distracted and then
you see if he shifts maybe he starts showing back up again you have that
potential it is that I would say I say I say this to sometimes ladies you're
gonna have to give people enough rope to hang themselves okay you know we you
and I know Jackie even shared this even on the call that she subbed for me
about a month ago so ladies I'd encourage you to go back and watch that
one because she talks a little bit about this this topic as well you know you
gotta allow people you have to a lot of it has to do with boundaries you either
have to let some of us that have walls you're gonna have to give people a
little rope you're gonna have to give up people a little bit of trust some of you
have no walls no gates no nothing you allow too much trust so again that's for
you ladies to kind of navigate through everybody's gonna be different some of
you have too many boundaries so many of you have not enough but you're gonna
have to allow people to kind of come in you're gonna have to allow people to
kind of show up as themselves and then you can go from there all right Bernice
I'm gonna have to cut you off because we are about we got about 20 more minutes
and I have five more people raising their hand I think there was even a few
other people I didn't want to hear from that did not have their hands raised so
keep in contact with us continue to keep showing up come in the app and let let
me know when he responds to you and what that looks like okay we want to
stay on top of it ladies like don't just wait for these Tuesday calls to unpack
things bring him to community especially after Tuesday Wednesday to Monday that's
a lot of time okay for you ladies to wait for the next week to come and have
conversation with us okay so up let us know what's going on okay all right
Bernice thank you so much for sharing Natasha how are you are you able to
unmute which question yes I just needed to step away into an office for privacy
yeah well I guess a lot of little things swimming in my head in terms of so I've
been in phase two since early mid-jan so I've gone through the videos I've
gone through the videos again I'm also I've also looked at the information but
I've been on the dating app since I think second to last week of January so
I've been talking to a couple of people and you know some of them reached out
and suggested a phone call a video call or a phone call some have taken some
haven't I know that weirdly enough when I was on my birthday week which was two
weeks ago I was in Auckland which is one of the biggest cities to where I am and
that's when I was getting a whole lot of matches compared to where I am now but
it's weird because God has also softened my heart to the idea of moving to
Auckland and my dream job has actually come up in Auckland just yesterday so
I'm working on applying for that job so and it's one of my friends had been
saying I feel like my our hearts are telling us that your husband like
because things have just been slow
And it's weird because then my, the app has just gone dead silent in the last, since I've been back.
So yeah, so there are two guys that I've been chatting with. One I've been chatting with for like probably about three weeks now, but last week he was just dead silent.
And just as you suggested, I reached out to say, hey, you know, like, you know, we're really getting to know each other.
I'm just wondering if you're still interested to get to know each other. It would be lovely to hear back from you because he wasn't.
So that's what I've also noticed. I like consistency and just transparency.
Even if people are busy and things are not working out, I appreciate just the honesty of just I'm busy.
So with him, I reached out and said, I'm quite confused about where that this is going.
If you're still interested in getting to know me. And he reached out and he called.
I mean, he messaged and then he said, OK, let me let us call you. Let me call you this evening.
Then he canceled again because he had to go pick up a friend.
And then I just said and then I was just like, I'm so sorry. I know you're going to be mad.
I'm like, you know, I'm not mad, but it's still just as I said, it confuses your intention.
Yeah. And then he said he sent a video again saying, I'm so sorry.
Can I call you like can I call you even later? Can I call you later? Can I call you tomorrow?
I'm like and then I said to him, you know, like even with the video date, I recommended a video date.
We were supposed to call two Sundays ago and that didn't happen.
And it's fate for me. It feels like being stood up.
So if that was a live date, effectively, that means I would have been sitting there, stood up.
And then he said he totally understands where I'm coming from.
And then can we schedule a video? And then he explained that he's got because he's doing an I.T. course.
So he's got that and he's in a paragliding course as well. So he's got a lot on.
So he says, you know what, Natasha, like I've got this assignment to hand in on Thursday.
But definitely let's do a video date tomorrow. And then I said to him, let's not do that.
You can call me tomorrow. I'm not going to set a time because I don't want to wait around waiting for you to call.
But you can call me tomorrow and then and then let's let's schedule the video date when things are a bit slower for you,
because you've mentioned that you've got this assignment to hand in and paragliding thing.
So so let's wait for that to kind of slow down maybe for you.
Then maybe you'll have more clarity because I think he gets into his head.
I noticed he gets into his head about the assignments and stuff. Then he's like, OK, great idea.
So so then he called yesterday and we spoke yesterday for a bit and said, can I call you again this week?
I'm like, yes, sure. You can call me again this week. But with him, I'm noticing because of his busy schedule,
I don't want to schedule a time and be waiting there.
So you're doing. And that's the thing I like. What I'm hearing a lot of is you're just you're setting boundaries.
You're being open and you're understanding, you're giving grace, but you're also expressing, look,
I don't this feels like I'm being stood up and you're giving him the opportunity to understand how busy lives.
I love how you're you know, he's like, well, let's do a video date. And you're like, no.
How about you just call me, call me when you can.
And then you're there to answer a phone call and have a conversation and move from there.
I think you're handling that beautifully. You know, I mean, this is where, again,
as you continue to get to know him and have conversation, you're going to see, is there going to be a shift in behavior?
Is it going to be intentional with. OK, we all have busy seasons.
And, you know, Jackie says this oftentimes and I, you know.
Ladies, when you're on dating apps, you're on dating apps, you're on there to date.
And we coach you ladies like be open to dating, get dates.
Ladies need to be dating. You're not there to have little chit chats and all sort of stuff and be on the apps talking back and forth.
Some people, they're just there for the dopamine. Yeah, they're just there for the dopamine hits.
And ladies, you might you might find yourself in those situations.
We don't know. We don't know where this guy's at. We don't know. Yeah.
Sounds like he's busy. He's being honest about him being busy.
You still don't know enough to know enough about him to know.
Is he really intentional and wanting to date? And is he willing to make time for that?
You're not going to know until you really know, because you're going to give him some opportunity.
You're going to give him a little bit of rope, give him the opportunity to show up, you know, be intentional, have some dates with you or not.
If he's not, ladies, if the guys are not, they're not.
We don't have to get tore up from the floor up just because it's not working out.
I get it. We get hopeful because we find them attractive or we were like, oh, they have certain characteristics and qualities that we were hoping we would have in a husband.
And so then we get let down. I cannot tell you how many times I was so discouraged when guys that I was hopeful about just didn't.
But I will promise you, ladies, when your spirit comes, it will make sense and it'll
be the perfect fit and the perfect match for you and it's going to be in God's perfect
timing.
Because I'm noticing, so I've been on the apps because I've actually only been on one
date.
So there've been multiple ones set up and then people either last minute cancel or being
ghosted after we've agreed that, OK, let's let's meet.
And this happened last year and it was kind of like, you know, but this it's happened
again this year.
But I've been kind of like quite clear that to say kind of like, you know, that it's because
one as I was in Auckland again, he he we were meant to meet on the Wednesday when I arrived
in Auckland.
And then last minute he canceled because of work and he knew that I'm from out of town
and then he scheduled again, like, let's say, and he knew it was my birthday the following
day and didn't even like sent a message at the end of the day.
Just happy birthday.
And that was it.
And then on the Friday, so I picked up that, OK, so, you know, like, I mean, you guys are
still strangers.
I mean, yeah, exactly.
I mean, here's the thing, ladies.
I mean, we we can't have these high expectations from someone that we really don't know and
they don't really know us.
Yeah.
So I think you're handling it beautifully.
And again, yeah, like, you know, just again, when we talk about ghosting, you know, it's
holy ghosting.
Yeah.
Yep.
And that's what I'm taking.
So I'm not I don't take it some type of way.
It's just with regards to the the process of phase two and me being in the middle.
So I don't know because I haven't been on the seven live dates and or dates.
And don't stress about that.
And yeah.
And don't stress about the seven dates, ladies.
We put that into place.
And here's the thing.
There's a lot of women that come into phase two with the seven dates and they're like,
I'm don't know how I'm going to do it.
And then they get the seven dates.
There's some women that are like, I just don't know if I'm ready for that.
And it's fine.
And some of them, they like there's a handful of women that come from phase two and go into
phase three without having the seven dates.
You are not required to have seven dates before moving to phase three.
Because I didn't don't know when to move to phase three.
You get to move through when you've watched all the video content and you've been to at
least one or two live calls.
But you ladies showing up to a live call and making it being you all being intentional
about showing up to that.
So and then once you once you've got that, then yeah, you can shift over to phase three.
It's just an email.
Quick email to admin at Jackie Dorman dot com.
Hey, finish my coursework.
I've been in phase two for five, six, seven, eight weeks.
I've been to some lives would like to move to phase three and they'll and they'll take
care of that on the back end.
But I think it it is very apparent to me that you have watched the videos.
You're heeding the wisdom.
You're applying it just how you showed up with putting the boundary there.
You're being good.
You're not getting tore up from the floor up when things don't work out the way that
you want them to.
Because ladies, let me tell you that is that won't happen in marriage either.
Like if you ladies want these men to show up a certain way, it's not going to happen
in your marriage either.
Yeah.
Obviously, there's a partnership.
There's conversation again.
And that communication is huge.
And as long as you're communicating what you're experiencing, what you're feeling,
how you're interpreting their actions, be honest and open.
As long as it's coming from a soft, feminine approach, and it's not you trying to demean
them or criticize them, because ladies, men don't want mothers.
They don't want a spouse that's going to mother them and tell them all the things that they're
doing wrong and why they need to do it a certain way.
There's got to be a softness, a feminine, and again, if you ladies need to go back and
rewatch Divine Feminine, do that.
But Natasha, I think you are approaching this dating very well.
Thank you.
Have confidence that you're on the right track.
Thank you.
I was just going to start, like you said, not shutting doors when you need to be Holy
Ghosted when you need to be Holy Ghosted, and it's raining men when you're walking into
Oakland.
You're processing it really well.
Thank you.
Appreciate that.
Thank you, Natasha.
Hey, Liz.
How are you?
So good to see you.
Yeah.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, I'm doing good.
Yes, I just got back from a ministry trip to Africa yesterday.
So I'm a little jet lagged also trying to catch up with the guy that you.
Oh, yeah.
I'm hoping you remember that's what you're coming to share.
Wow.
I'm so impressed.
You remember that I've been off for three weeks cause I was traveling, but yeah.
Um, we did end up, um, not having any video calls cause it's just internet wise,
like the place I'm working, it doesn't really allow for that, but we did.
Um, text a fair amount and yeah, like I was able to kind of send some
pictures and stuff of what I was up to.
And yeah, he was really, um, like responsive, I guess you would say like
he would, anytime I would share something, he'd engage with it.
And, um, so we ended up texting probably like every day, every
other day, something like that.
So yeah, so that was good.
Um, yeah, my question is about the curiosity thing, um, where you're
coaching one of the, one of the first girls with the question.
Um, so this guy, we've had seven or eight live dates and then.
Um, yeah, kind of this talking every day while I've been traveling.
And so I guess I would call him a two B at this point.
Like I feel like, yeah, we're getting to know each other, talking
about some deeper dates.
Yep, exactly.
Yeah.
Um, and one thing that I'm really curious about with him that, that
I've kind of noticed isn't there is, um, he has made like no comments
about, um, me physically at all.
Um, like, yeah.
So I don't know, just in my, my past experience with American men, I
usually find like, you know, if they think you're pretty, they just say it
kind of thing or, um, yeah.
Yeah.
And so there's not like, he's very consistent in the way he's
showing up and he's very, um, I would say I'm kind of like discerning.
He's more of an acts of service guy than a words of affirmation
guy, um, just in general.
But then, yeah, for me, I'm like such a words of affirmation person.
So I think this is a question, like, you know, yeah.
What are you finding that's coming up in you that are you noticing that you
want to hear him compliment you more physically?
Um, uh, I think it's more of like, I'm curious, is he attracted to me?
If that makes sense.
And I guess for my background is like, I've had some situationships with guys
who like really enjoy my company and enjoy who I am and I've had some
really enjoy my company and enjoy who I am and really enjoy me as a friend,
but weren't romantically in the end, turns out weren't romantically like.
So into me.
And so I think part of me is a little concerned, like shows that he's
romantically interested in you.
Um, not verbally.
So, but I would say verbally, but he is showing up.
I mean, is he flirtatious?
Is he touching you?
Like, is he like, I'm not talking about.
But like, you know, maybe putting in the hand, you know, his hand on the
smaller, your back or anything like that.
Okay.
Nothing like that.
But I think that's kind of like where I'm like, Oh, is it?
So for some other contexts, he did share with me a little while
back that he was married before.
Um, he met the Lord like three, four years ago, and he felt like his past
relationships were based on all physical stuff.
And so he's like, I really want to try and.
You know, he could, and that's another thing.
So it could be a pendulum thing.
I don't know, holding himself because if he was physical in the past and he really
is trying to walk in, in abstinence before marriage, then maybe it's, he's
having to put his own boundary up for his own self, I think this is where you
guys have been in a, you know, level two relationship for some time now.
You've gone on what?
Like eight, nine dates.
Uh, yeah.
Eight, eight in-person, um, dates.
Yeah.
I think now it's, it's okay for you to just even bring up like, Hey, I noticed
that, you know, you don't compliment me in a physical way and what I'm, how I am
interpreting it is that you are not attracted to me or seeing him that way.
And you know, again, sometimes it's just about having the open, honest
conversation, because ladies, when we, and we want to sit here and we don't
know, like, you're not going to know unless you ask now, ladies, I'm not
saying for those of you that are in level two and you've only been on one or two
dates, like don't, don't be asking these kinds of questions.
And then I just, I have to say it because when I'm coaching ladies that have been.
Dating for many, many dates and at least over a month, this is when it's
appropriate to have these types of conversations.
So I just, again, I.
Always want to make sure I preface it,
because I'm sure there's going to be someone,
well, I heard Karla say to ask this question,
and they're asking that question on date number one and two,
and I'll be like, yeah, but you didn't hear me.
So, yeah, I think it's okay for you to say,
hey, I've noticed this,
and this is how it's starting to come up,
and be honest, just be like,
I'm getting insecure,
because I'm worried that maybe you don't find me attractive.
You know, put it, again, put it back on you,
like this is how I'm experiencing it,
this is how I'm feeling,
and then let them kind of share with you.
Does that make sense?
Does that?
But I think you're at a stage in this relationship
where you can start having
some of these conversations with him,
and, you know, you don't have to second guess,
you don't have to worry, wonder, tiptoe,
does he like me, does he not like me?
You know, like, communication and being open
and vulnerable in a relationship
is part of the preparation process for marriage.
You will be vulnerable with your spouse in marriage,
and so you have to practice doing that
once you get into relationships and dating
when you've dated for some time, okay?
So again, repeat myself,
you've been on eight dates with this guy,
now is the time to get vulnerable
and have these kinds of conversations.
So when are you gonna see him next?
No, I just got back last night,
so we don't have plans yet,
but I'm assuming I'll see him this week.
So, yeah.
Bring it up to him,
because I mean, I'm guessing,
I mean, are any of your dates kind of romantic at all, or?
I mean, like, we've done, you know, dinner a few times,
we've done, like, he's sporty, I'm really sporty,
we've done a lot of active dates.
Yeah, I love that.
We have great conversation,
the last, like, couple of dates I had before
I left to go to Africa were a lot longer,
like, he just really,
I could tell he just, like, didn't wanna leave,
he was like,
because he knew he wasn't gonna see me for three weeks.
He's very acts of service oriented,
so if there's anything he can do for me,
he really goes out of his way to do it.
But, yeah, nothing that's, like, overly-
I would suggest a nice, like, dinner date,
I mean, it doesn't have to be anywhere fancy,
you know, but somewhere nice,
like, where you can have quiet conversation,
and have, you know, and have that conversation with him.
You know, now that you've seen him some way,
you were out of the country for three weeks,
you're, you know, you guys have dated,
you guys have dated for a little while now,
and so I think it's safe to go ahead and do that.
How would you lead that conversation,
or how would you throw it out there?
I mean, obviously you're gonna sit, you know,
have it sit down and have conversation,
and just, you know,
obviously you're not gonna dive into it the first,
you know, when you first sit down.
You know, catch up, you know,
what did you, you know, you can share about your trip,
he's gonna share about what he did over the three weeks,
and just be like, you know, hey, I was thinking,
does he know about this community?
Well, I think I mentioned it once,
but like not super in depth.
I mean, you can even say things like, you know,
I'm in this community,
and I'm trying to learn to date in a different way,
and, you know, it's really important to me
that I show up and be vulnerable,
and be honest in my communication,
you know, I noticed that you don't,
I noticed that you don't make compliments
about me physically, or whatever,
or like, you can say that.
Maybe you can just say, I noticed,
I'm sensing that there is,
not sensing, I'm questioning
what your level of attraction is for me.
Okay, that's a, yeah, that's a better way to phrase it.
Yeah, maybe approach it that way.
Because I'm trying to date more intentionally,
I'm trying to be open and honest about my communication,
and, you know, be vulnerable about my feelings,
so that I can show up as more of my authentic self,
and so I'm just curious as to why it might be
you don't make compliments,
and lead it that way,
and then just allow him time to talk.
But I think it could be a good,
good practice for you to kind of, you know,
step into more of a vulnerable position,
and see where, if this dating him
is gonna kind of shift to another level.
Again, like, you're not,
I'm gonna be the one leading an exclusive conversation. I don't think that's what you're asking. You're not asking. Yeah, I'm asking that
Yeah, we're just wanting clarity on whether or not what his thoughts are about you. Does he find you physically attractive?
Mm-hmm. Is he interested in you in a way that could lead to
to that
It's not I mean to me. It sounds like if he is
if he
has opened up about being physical with people prior and
He's found the Lord. It sounds like he's probably trying to practice his own boundaries so that he doesn't cross. Okay
That's that would be I don't know anything about him. I've never met him
I've never talked to him. So I don't know his story. But from what you're hearing it that could possibly be why
About him the opportunity to share it with you if he's willing and ready to do that
Mm-hmm. Okay, you can only do so much and share where you're at and give him the opportunity to
To answer back
Mm-hmm, okay
But let us know how it goes. Okay. Okay. I'll let you know. All right
Thank you. All right, we're coming up on 75 minutes and I have been given instructions to cut it off
But I do see Lily you are on I'm gonna open the floor to you Melissa. I also think I saw your hand up
Okay, I wanted to give you the opportunity to but if we can make it short brief and powerful so we're not pushing
Yeah
75 minutes
I'll respect that. I'm working. So, um, I want to get it
So I have been out with this guy and it's interesting because it's so we went on two dates
Second date was on Saturday in person and this is separate from the guy that I told you about
In the guy about what you found out about him, yeah
Okay, I do. I do. I hope that you have time to quickly catch me up on
How that conversation happened? Okay, but you got this other guy
Language
Yeah, but yeah, you have a really good brain, but I try
But he has actually cleaned that up like there's this I
Yeah, this guy has been very consistent intentional like I love the way I feel around him
And let me preface that like or separate it I love the way I feel
Except for when I'm in person around him
so every I mean he's a
He's definitely someone that I is easy to talk to. He has a very strong anxious attachment and
also
We were while we were on the date. This has happened twice because we've been out together twice, but he's
So today on this second time on Saturday, he touched the bottom of my back
so right above my tailbone and I am NOT I
Felt like I wanted to take a bath and he's he's very he's a good-looking guy
There's like no reason and I'm like, what am I picking up on Holy Spirit?
And the Holy Spirit actually gave me a dream a few weeks ago about him
But so I'm trying to figure out how to tell him I brought it up in conversation last night
I asked him what his love language is and one of them is physical touch
Yeah, and so I wanted to I told him. Oh, well that is actually at the very bottom of my list
Okay, and so if and when he tries to do it again
Do I just say, you know just
Yeah, I think okay, so it kind of reminds me, you know, I don't know if you've heard Bethany even share like her
Her
Getting to know Brian her husband now and and I remember her sharing a story about how on their second date
Like they were going into a restaurant
She didn't find Brian physically attractive at first and she'll share this story, too
And he touched the small of her back and she remember as she remembers like recalling like hmm
I don't think I like that like she didn't know
Right away. And so I don't think there's anything wrong with you know, this feeling like oh, I don't know if I like that because again
You still don't know this person. So yeah
So I think that's like I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think now you have the opportunity to
To show up in your divine feminine and
You know express some boundaries and just say hey, you know, I know you said that your physical touch person
I'm not so much. I still feel like we're still trying to get to know each other
You know
I I would like for us to wait till we have more of a physical contact with each other
Until we've gotten some time to get to know each other a little better. Would that be okay?
Okay for you.
Okay.
And, and put that on display.
I mean, ladies, Lily, I don't know if you typically come to my one o'clock calls
and I, I, I share this, so ladies that have, you know, not my call, I feel
like I share this all the time.
Like when my first date, he asked to kiss me and I told him no.
And, and I was, and I was, and I was very, you know, honest with him.
And I said, look, like, that's just something for me.
I'm not ready to have a physical connection with someone that I am not in
a committed relationship with.
And so, um, because I am, I am understanding that, you know, we're
dating, you know, people are dating.
You could be talking to other people.
I can be talking to other people and it's just a boundary
that I've put in place for myself.
And my husband was like, look, you don't have to explain yourself.
Like I will respect and value, um, that you're not ready for that.
And, and it's a fine, he's like, I still want to, I still want to get to know you.
I still want to date you.
I still want to see you again.
And he honored that.
Okay.
And so it's okay for you ladies to, again, I just preface about
showing up in a feminine way.
You're not coming off harshly.
You're coming off like, but like, because the divine masculine naturally is going
to want to provide, like provide and protect and, and it's, it's a covering.
Like the masculine covers the feminine.
Your husbands will cover you the way that God covers all of us.
And so when we step into that divine feminine, a man that's going
to have that divine masculinity.
And again, he might not always be operating it, but it will surface.
And they'll, they'll want to honor that.
They'll want to respect you.
They'll want to value you.
They'll see you as the treasure that you are, and they are
going to, um, take care of that.
So I don't think there's anything wrong with you expressing like, Hey, I
know that this is something for you.
I'm not ready for that.
I would really like for us to wait until we've gotten to know each other.
And maybe even been, and be in a committed relationship
before we, we cross those lines.
And it doesn't mean that you're ready to have a committed relationship.
You're just saying, I'm going to wait until I'm in a committed relationship.
I mean, that's what I did with my husband.
And even then, when my husband was like, we decided to be exclusive
and he asked me to be exclusive.
He didn't assume that I wanted to kiss him right away.
Okay.
He was like, he's like, look, I know that, you know, we're now exclusive.
I want you to know that I want you to let me know when you're ready.
He, he put it on me.
Like then I had to be the one to make the move, but I respect her.
I appreciated it because it made me also realize it's.
He wasn't just throwing the exclusive conversation out just to kiss me.
Yeah.
And so that's what that showed me.
So again, I think this is practice practice these good boundaries.
I think you, I've seen so much growth in you.
I'm thankful that you see the growth in yourself.
Um, so exciting.
Yeah, because typically I'll just come off.
Like I'm the one with too many walls.
Yeah, no, I remember you did come to one of my calls and then I think I was on
an evening call with Ebony and I remember you were, you, you had a lot of walls.
You had, I could, I totally see that.
And I appreciate how open you've been to our coaching and even expressing.
To, you know, the women in the community of just how much growth you've
had from the wisdom that you've gotten and how it's, it's just been a testimony.
You know, that's important.
Ladies is, you know, your love stories are going to be such a
testimony to so many people.
Like, it's going to be awesome.
Like, and this, this community is just built on testimonies.
I mean, like I said, I've been here since 2020, like, like I've seen so many love
stories, like there's, there's over 1600.
I mean, Jackie and I were talking about that this weekend when we were out and
it's just really, really cool to see what this, what, what God is doing in this
community.
So I appreciate your willingness to show up and be vulnerable and be open and doing
the uncomfortable, stretching yourself and seeing the fruit that comes with it.
Yes.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
All right, ladies, I, we're at 85 minutes, so I'm going to go ahead and take us off.
I only, I only went 10 minutes over.
I'm proud of myself.
I can report to Jackie.
Like, look, I kept it within 10 minutes of your 75 minutes, but just anticipate that
these calls are going to be.
more of the question, answer, ask, unpack, let's dive into your dating situations or any,
even if you're not dating and things are surfacing, you come here and we can unpack it with you.
Okay. We'll be doing probably just like a little bit of teaching, housekeeping stuff, and then
we'll dive into that. Okay. Come on tonight at eight o'clock, if you can, with Ebony.
She's always a riot and ask her questions. Melissa, I know you had your hand up.
If you want to post in the community, if there was something specific that you wanted to unpack,
let us know and we can respond to you there. Or if you can come to the eight o'clock call with
Ebony, I'm sure she would love to unpack things with you as well. Okay. All right, ladies, it's
been such a pleasure, such an honor. I love you all so much and have a wonderful rest of your
Tuesday. Feel better, Carla. Thank you. Thank you.