All right. Welcome, ladies. This is your Phase 2, 1 o'clock live check-in. I'm Carla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here in Phase 2 at Last Year Single. It's always such an honor
and pleasure for me to be here because I am a student of Last Year Single, if you will.
So I'm a success story. I joined Jackie at the start of it all, pretty much in the end
of September, beginning of October of 2020. And so after what seems like forever, over
two years, my husband did drop into my DMs and I met my husband. So we've been married
now about a year and a half. And so, and then I've been coaching now with Jackie for
over, been over a year, maybe even a year and a half. I can't even remember. Time just
flies. But like I said, it's always such an honor to be here because all of the wisdom,
all of the knowledge, all of the hope and the faith that my life was blessed by through
this program. I love that I get to pour it back in as well. So yes, that's how I met
him, Perla. Also, when y'all do graduate to Phase 3, go in the replays this March. And
when you go in the March replays for Phase 3, we do a thing called Love Story in Phase
3 at times. And so Jackie and the team will bring on people in the, like people from our
program that have stepped into their love stories. And then the both couples come in
and talk about their love story. So my husband and I actually did that last Thursday with
two other couples in the program. And it was really cool. So if you want, you know, you
get actually more of my husband's feedback in that, which was really a blessing to me.
It's always good to be able to hear like the men's side. So I did my very best to like
limit my talking and all of you that have been with me in Phase 2 know I'm a talker.
So yeah, when you graduate to Phase 3, you can even hear a little bit more on that. So
something to kind of look forward to when you ladies graduate from Phase 2 into Phase
3. Speaking of which, let's just go ahead and go into our housekeeping. And because
I'm going to touch on that a little bit. So tonight, there is no eight o'clock check-in
for Phase 2. So Ebony, she, wait, hold on. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. I got very distracted there
if you could tell. Okay, let me start over. So yeah, Phase 3, it has a live loveseat session
with Jackie tonight. And so she wants to invite you all in Phase 2 to that special
Phase 3 session as a sneak peek. So there is no eight o'clock tonight with Ebony. So
please, please, please go over. The link is already in the calendar and the events tab.
So you have all the info that you need to jump on that Phase 3 loveseat with Jackie
to check that out. Excuse me. So yeah, how do you get to Phase 3? So we get that question
often. Basically, you're going to be in Phase 2. So those of you that are new, my girl Lulu
here, she's brand new to Phase 2. I think there's one or two other people that I don't recognize.
I'm new here too. Yes, Stacy. Thank you. And thank you for turning your camera on. It's so
good to see you. So yeah, those of you that are brand new to Phase 2, just to kind of give you
a little rundown of what this will look like. There are five videos. So you will watch in the
coursework. So you're going to want to watch at least one video a week. Okay. We really
want to make sure that you paste those videos out. Don't like firehose yourself with all of them.
Do one a week, process it, pray about it, meditate on it, pull things that like is speaking to you
to put into practice, and then share it with us here in the app that last year's single.
What ahas did you have? What takeaways did you have? And so make sure you watch those. So if
you're watching one of those a week, you will be here at least four to five weeks in Phase 2.
So when you've watched and completed all of those videos, and we do want you showing up at least
to one or two of these live check-ins, then you will email us.
admin at JackieDorman.com to request access to phase three.
Okay, so those five videos, okay, so the fifth video.
So you're only seeing four videos in your course.
Okay, I'll have to go double check that.
What you should see is you should see
the Love Story Accelerator kickoff.
So that's like kind of an introduction to phase two.
And then we have those four teaching videos,
which is gonna be Dating 101,
Divine Feminine, which is like my absolute favorite video.
Then there's Online Dating.
So those of you that get really hesitant
about going back into online dating,
definitely watch that one, okay.
Even if you don't, you're like,
no, I'm not gonna do online dating, still watch it.
Don't skip it, all right.
I know sometimes there's people who wanna sneak through
and like, I'm not watching that
because I'm not doing online dating.
There's some really good information
that one of our old coaches, Renee,
teaches that really, really good.
And then the last one is the Boundaries.
And that's, again, a really good video.
And then we do touch on that a lot in dating
and help you ladies distinguish
what are good, healthy boundaries.
And then we wanna make sure
that you don't have all the walls up,
but we also wanna make sure
that you got a gate around your yard, okay.
So there's some people that like,
they have so many boundaries,
but they've got too many that, you know,
the thieves have to scale the wall.
And then there's some people
that have no boundaries whatsoever.
And then that's when it can get really, you know, toxic
and you can start letting people in
that really don't need to have access to you, okay.
So we really do kind of figure that out
in phase two as well, okay.
All right, I'm trying to catch up on all of these questions.
Sort of feels overwhelming.
Okay, Stephanie, what is feeling overwhelming?
It's just a lot.
I went, I mean, I went through and kind of,
can you hear me okay?
Yeah, I can hear you fine.
I did my online profile and I like went live with it.
And like, you know, it's a Facebook dating
and so they make you like, yes or no.
And I'm like, I don't know.
Like none of them, I was absolutely like,
I like two that sort of were like indicated
that they like Jesus in their profile.
So then I was like, okay, great.
Those two, but then like, but I don't know.
But then I, you know, I'm trying to implement the advice
of like, don't be, don't like, you know what I mean?
But the thing is for me like-
You're saying that the online dating feels overwhelming.
Okay, I just wanna-
Well, I just have so many messages.
Well, let's, we can get to that
when I open up the floor for questions.
I was just wanting to make sure
that you didn't feel overwhelmed
with the phase two coursework.
So that's where, okay.
Sorry.
I was like, oh no,
I don't want you feeling overwhelmed with that.
Okay, got you.
Awesome, okay.
Okay, so you forgot the love story accelerator, Melissa.
Okay, perfect, glad we found that.
Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Okay, so hopefully that gives you ladies just again,
the kind of refocus what phase two is all about.
And again, you'll be here four to five weeks
once you've watched all those videos,
once you've, you know, come to some lines
and then you can request phase three.
Okay, now I know some people take a little more time
to get through phase two, which is totally fine.
Okay, we just don't want you sitting in the mama bird nest
for like more than three months, okay?
We are gonna eventually kick you out, okay?
But no, no, we really, we're not gonna force you out,
but we will kind of walk you through
what that process looks like, okay?
So we wanna keep you in that forward motion, okay?
And I know myself and Ebony, we're just so wonderful,
like you never wanna leave us, but no.
Yeah, so we don't want you missing out of phase three.
Obviously, I've shared this before with some of you ladies,
like it does make me a little sad
when I see my ladies from phase two go to phase three
because I enjoy y'all so much,
but I do still get to see y'all on phase three,
but that's the part of the process,
like we want you learning and growing and moving forward,
so that's kind of the whole part of it, okay?
Okay, so I'm running,
I'm kind of taking too long on this housekeeping.
So let me move through here.
Definitely, I just wanna make sure I don't miss anything.
So those of you that are new to phase one,
this is not really gonna,
like it's not gonna make sense to you.
Those of you that have been in phase two for a little bit,
longer. We were doing things differently on these calls so we were really
spending more time of opening it up as a more ask a coach type situation so we're
not going to spend a lot of time at the beginning of our time together on
Tuesdays doing a whole lot of teaching. What will happen now instead of teaching
from each of the videos each week we're gonna just kind of touch on a few things
that we see in the app through your all you know ask a coach through the roll
call. I might touch on a few things that I'm noticing to kind of do an overview
and so that we can kind of button things up and I can answer questions from the
app and then we're gonna spend majority of the time with y'all's questions. Okay
so come to these Tuesday calls ready to ask question. What I will say is because
we have to really keep things on time and I know this can be a challenge
partly because I struggle with the timekeeping. We have to make sure that we
come prepared with those questions and we're really short in getting to what
our question is. Okay so like 90 seconds all right when it's your turn to ask a
question 90 seconds or less Jackie always says keep it short brief and
powerful so that we can get through as many questions as possible because I got
very clear instructions from Jackie two weekends ago when I went down my husband
I went down to go visit with her in Austin and she's like girl you can't be
spending like an hour and a half to two hours on the call she's like we got to
keep it at 75 minutes okay so in order to do that and make sure that everybody
has time for their questions we have to be really clear and concise with that
okay and I know it's a growing process okay I have to learn how to get better
at as well so I'm gonna ask that you all help me out when you get to your
questions okay okay so I'm gonna get again I'm gonna kind of touch on some
of these questions thank you Melissa for answering Katie's question yes you don't
have to be in a dating relationship to get to phase three okay we liked you
for you to have at least maybe one or two date under your belt before getting
to phase three but you don't have to do all of your seven dates in phase two
honestly most of you probably shouldn't have seven dates by the time you get to
phase three I'm not saying that you can't but if you're if you're pacing it
well and you're in here for four to five weeks we don't want you having seven
dates in four or five weeks that's a lot okay and it's okay if you have okay
don't like again we say have guardrails there's no hard rules here okay this is
all everybody's on their own journey okay so just keep that in mind all right
so ladies if you do have questions go ahead and put your hands up so I get an
idea of how many we've got and while we're doing that I'm gonna kind of touch
on a few things that I saw in the app so I want to celebrate I don't know if
Aubrey's here is Aubrey here today I know she was with me last week do I have
her I don't think I see her okay well your girl Aubrey ladies I want to
celebrate her for a minute because she had a great date she shared that with
us in the app and it was with the guy that was shorter than her she wasn't
sure she wants to date someone that she's tall okay and so we always say
like hey let's let's have some non-negotiables let's not have some
hards never will I ever never will I ever get someone shorter than me okay so
she took that advice and she's like okay I'm gonna I'm gonna go on a date
with this guy she had a really great time and there's I'm still waiting to
hear if there is a potential second date mini-golf he suggested that so so yeah
I'm super excited for her so and I want to even touch on those active dates so
the guy asked her to mini-golf and so I think that's important to also bring up
ladies when you go on these dates get some active dates in okay Jackie is
someone that she doesn't like the coffee date and the dinner dates and stuff I
get it sometimes it's impossible not to just have a quick coffee date so just
know you might hear Jackie say like don't do the coffee date and then you
know we sometimes are like hey go grab coffee with them so sometimes it kind of
sounds like well which one am I supposed to do um the reason for those
active dates is it kind of helps you let your guard down or the
those coffee dates and those dinner dates
can kind of turn into more of an interview.
And so that's Jackie's perspective is,
you don't wanna have the interview stuff.
I get it.
Like, it happens.
Like, when you're dating,
like, you're trying to get to know someone,
so a lot of questions come.
So if you can suggest active dates, definitely do that.
Don't feel like you're doing it wrong
if you're going on a coffee date or a dinner date
or a lunch date or breakfast date, okay?
But try to throw some active dates in,
kind of drop suggestions there.
Someone brought up dating sites in the app.
So some that I did,
I found Facebook dating to be the most fruitful for me.
I know Bethany did that.
I think Ebony does Facebook dating.
Our old coach Renee, she did Facebook dating.
Like I said, I met a lot of really great guys on that.
You kind of still have to kind of filter through
some of the not so great ones,
but you're gonna have that really with any app.
I know a lot of people are like,
but I want a Christian.
I wanna be on the Christian dating site.
I mean, the way I look at it is,
there's Christians everywhere.
I mean, you're walking on,
you know, you're in the grocery store.
There's Christians at the grocery store.
You know, all different apps are gonna have,
you know, all sorts of people.
So what I will say is just because it's a Christian app
doesn't necessarily mean that someone
really has a relationship with the Lord either.
So just again, follow peace.
What do you have peace about?
What app is being highlighted to you?
You know, give one, two different apps a shot.
I say no more than two or three
just so that you don't get overwhelmed.
So that's what I gotta say about dating apps.
We can always talk about that later.
Moving things from online chatting to video in person
within a week is really important.
Ladies, it's okay for you to drop the hanky.
It's okay for you to suggest,
hey, I'm really enjoying getting to know you here
on the app.
Why don't we set up a video date
and an in-person date?
I like the video dates if they're long distance.
But if they're local and you've had a couple exchanges,
go on the in-person date.
Make sure it's public.
Make sure you're in a public place.
Okay, we don't have to be super anxious about that.
Again, use discernment, okay?
Come to us in the app.
Let us know the situation.
If you're not sure,
like I'm not sure if I'm supposed to do this or that,
we'll let you know.
But really do your best to move to those video dates
or in-person dates within a week of a couple exchanges, okay?
And don't be afraid to drop the hanky
and be the one to initiate that first initial meetup.
Sometimes guys need a little help, okay?
Also, I noticed a couple people
are starting to have conversations
with people that are long distance.
Long distance is gonna look a little bit different, okay?
So just keep that in mind.
If you're in a long distance interaction,
if you're in level one or level two
with somebody that's long distance,
you're gonna see a little bit of difference, okay?
My husband and I were long distance,
so I can speak a little bit to that.
So if you ever have questions about the long distance
and what that looks like, let us know.
Jackie encourages an in-person meetup
within six weeks of a long distance.
And the reason we say that is because
what you don't wanna happen
is you do not wanna get attached to someone.
And then once you meet them in person, it's just not there,
because that can happen.
And you get so worked up and excited about somebody,
and then you meet them and you're like,
oh, and then there's some disappointment, okay?
So that's why it's important to get that initial meetup
within the six weeks, okay?
Also, if you are going to be interested
in long distance dating, it's really important
that you're clear that you're getting in,
either you are open to moving,
or you know that they're open to moving if you're not, okay?
Now, I'm not saying that you need to know,
like, am I gonna move for this person?
But do you have peace in your heart with relocating?
If you don't, and you start interacting with someone,
then you need to know that they have peace in their heart
that they would be willing to move.
The last thing you wanna do
is start getting emotionally involved with somebody
before you've met them, one,
and then if neither of you can move.
So if you are a single parent.
parent and you have, you know, custody stuff where you can't move, then it's going to be
important that that person is open to relocating.
What I also will preface is ladies, when you're doing long distance, it is very important
that the main, like you're going to know if the man is initial, like if he is intentional,
you men will, in order for a man to have a long distance relationship, he's going to
need to be invested and intentional about dating you.
So we're going to want to see like, how is he showing up now?
We're not coming with a critical heart of them, but we want to see like, how is he helping
progress the relationship?
Okay.
Be careful not to constantly initiate everything.
So again, we can kind of talk about that if there's more questions with that.
And then lastly, the dating more than one person at a time.
I know a lot of people get, they struggle with this.
I think one of your sisters, I don't know if she's here with us today, Victoria, I know
she's kind of in a situation, I don't see her on.
Okay.
So yeah, one of your sisters to kind of, she's gone on four dates with a guy, three in person
dates.
And he was a little taken back when he found out that she was talking to more people than
just him.
So what I will say, ladies is you may find yourself in this situation.
There's a reason that we encourage dating more than one person at a time.
And I want to kind of hopefully clarify this.
One, why this is important is because women can easily attach, especially emotionally.
Okay.
And so if you're spending all your time with one person in level one and level two, you
can start finding yourself attaching them, fantasizing about what the relationship potentially
can look like.
And then if that person is not interested in that way, then you're crushed when it doesn't
go in the direction that you were hoping it was to go.
So it helps you keep in check, you're not putting all your eggs in one basket.
Okay.
It also helps you ladies, because there are some men out there that will love bomb and
want to anxiously attach to you.
And for those of you that don't have a lot of boundaries, you may find yourself getting
involved with someone that's not healthy for you.
And so again, if you're open to having more, you know, getting to know two or three people
and really pacing yourself, that's super important.
So that's why we encourage it.
Now, you will run into some guys that are going to be taken back by that.
Part of this is because, I mean, part of this is because if they have been hurt or
cheated on, it feels like cheating for them.
And so a lot of times people kind of speed up or accelerate a level two relationship
when and they think it's exclusive and they really don't know a person.
We live in a world where dating in a worldly way is you're attaching and you're quickly
getting to know someone and you're doing all the exclusive type relationships with
someone that you barely know.
And so that's why, again, you're going to run into people that, especially if they're
not in this program, they're not going to understand what that pacing looks like.
So sorry, I'm having to clear my throat, I gotta drink more water.
So that, I hope that kind of gives you an oversight.
So if you find yourself with someone and they kind of get taken back, like Victoria, this
guy was like, that seems unchristian, that seems, you know, he was very triggered by
that.
She explained the program.
And so he kind of, I think he softened up a little bit with that.
Do not hesitate to communicate and have healthy confrontation with people.
Your Boundaries video, if you haven't watched it yet, we'll kind of talk about what healthy
confrontation looks like because the truth of the matter is in marriage, you're going
to have confrontation.
Confrontation is not, it's not the enemy, okay?
All relationships will have confrontation.
Now, whether it's healthy or unhealthy
is on the people involved, okay?
Again, you can't control how someone's gonna respond
to a conflict, but you can help align yourself
with making healthy choices in how you approach conflict,
okay?
You're responsible for yourself, okay?
So just keep that in mind, all right?
We good?
All right, I got six hands up.
I'm gonna also see if I can look through the chat.
If you put something in the chat and I can't get to it,
raise your hand or remind me, okay?
So we're gonna try to get through these.
Let's see, it's 1227 here, 1228.
So if we can, let's see, we got 30, 45 minutes.
We got six hands up, so we're gonna see
what we can do here.
90 seconds or less, give me your question, okay?
And we're gonna make this go.
Yes, Lily, you can go last.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
All right, Stephanie, not Stephanie, sorry.
Yes, Stephanie Davis.
Yes, because there's more Stephanie's here.
What's your question?
How are you?
I'm good, okay.
It's gonna seem like a ridiculous question,
but I'm so new to the online, David.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I feel like I'm not doing it correctly.
I did set up my, everybody gave me a profile thing.
I don't know which, because every time I come on,
there's somebody say that this site
and I don't know what to do.
So I don't know, I'm not familiar with the Facebook.
I tried to type in Facebook dating, but I didn't see it.
I went and joined Upwork last, yesterday,
then I went and canceled it.
You went to what one yesterday?
Upwork, and I canceled it.
And I'm on Holy and I'm doing the arching,
but I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing.
I haven't done this in almost 30, I don't know.
I'm lost.
And I asked somebody who's in the third year,
they said, oh, this is where I should ask in my group.
Because I was like, can you walk me through it, please?
I don't have to come to the group and ask,
I feel really silly.
And she-
Do not feel silly, that's what we're here for, okay?
That is exactly what we're here for.
And what I will say, online dating,
it's just weird, all right?
I'm just gonna say it, it's weird, all right?
But more and more people are now doing it.
I mean, I remember when I first started doing it
and I'm like, oh my gosh, and this was decades ago.
And it's like, now more and more people are doing that,
but there's so many out there,
it's like, well, which one do I choose?
And then each one has different things about it
that you like or don't like.
And so that's why, if you're feeling overwhelmed,
let's have you focus just on one, okay?
So did you get to Facebook dating?
No, I don't know how to do it.
I type it in, but I don't know where to go.
Because I sent her the screenshot
and she was like, that's what she told me.
She said, you need to go to your group and ask.
I was like, okay.
Okay, yeah, so when you're,
do you use Facebook on your phone?
Both.
Okay.
One question before.
So with the Facebook is I have,
so I run my own company
and my company is a children's company.
So that's really, really kind of like funny
with the Facebook.
So will they be able to see my-
No, they cannot see your personal profile
unless you have, unless they ask to be your friend
and you accept their friend request.
Okay, good.
And ladies, and so I'm glad you brought that up
because I'm gonna strongly suggest,
do not accept friend requests
from people that you don't know.
Even when you're Facebook dating
and you've had a couple exchanges
and maybe you've met them in person,
don't accept their friend request.
They're still strangers, okay?
Because depending on what you put on your profile,
they now have access to everything.
Okay.
Especially those, and I'm gonna,
again, I was a single mama
and I put a lot of things up with my kid
because I had lots of family.
Like I grew up in Indiana, I was living in Florida.
I had family and friends all over
that were connected to my son.
And it was an easy way for people to feel
like they got to be in my son's life
that were close family and friends.
Okay, and so I had like, I would put things up
but I was very particular with who I had as my friends.
Okay, so if you have kids,
especially do not be accepting friend requests
from people that you do not know.
All right, so hopefully that helps you there
that they're not gonna have access to your personal page
unless you give them access.
I will.
Also strongly suggest that you ladies,
for those of you that have social media,
go double check your privacy settings
and make sure that public people
can't see what you're posting.
I do this from time to time
just to make sure that things are not public.
Back to Facebook dating.
Okay, if you are on the app,
I hope you can see this,
sometimes it flips the screen here.
You see mine?
Is it flipped around?
You see at the bottom, is your Facebook?
Can you see that?
If you screenshot it and put it in a group,
I probably able to, but I can't see it.
I don't have my glasses on.
Most of you will, oh, I'm trying to see.
There's a heart bottom of the screen.
There's a heart.
And it says dating underneath it.
No, but what do you type in to find that heart?
It will just pop up.
Or if you go to the menu,
so like the three horizontal lines,
if you click the menu,
then it's here in your menu.
Okay.
Oh, I found it.
Perfect, click on that.
And then that will help you set up your online profile.
Because you're new to the online dating world,
let's have you focus on one
and let's get you comfortable with one.
And then once you get comfortable with that,
if you want to add a second or third,
just do one at a time.
Because ladies, you want to make sure,
don't work these apps like it's a job.
You want it to be as enjoyable as possible.
Okay.
Does that make sense?
Okay, perfect.
All right, Stephanie, I hope that helps you out.
Thank you.
Let's post it on how that works, okay?
Awesome.
Okay, I see Stephanie, you put a question in the chat.
What filter should I use?
I'm not actually interested in most of them in.
Facebook dating is throwing at me.
Okay.
No indication of Jesus and their profile blurbs.
I get that.
Sometimes you're not going to see it.
You're not going to see people share about Jesus
or share about their faith.
I always look and see where their religion indicator is.
It's not, you're not going to know someone's,
if they're like have a relationship with the Lord
and you probably shouldn't in level one.
And you're probably not going to find that out
until you've been through level two relationship
as you've been getting to know them.
One thing I will say is,
I'm not saying this is a hard rule
that all men follow this,
but there have been men, especially in our program,
that they actually do not put their faith in their profile
because they have been,
what they have experienced when they do
is then they get these overly religious women
kind of like pouncing on them.
And it's been a turnoff.
Like many of these men are like, look, it's a turnoff.
Like these women are ready to walk down the aisle
and I've only been on, like, I'm just chatting with them.
And so they notice that when they put their faith
in their profile,
that's what kind of women they're attracting.
So there's a possibility that sometimes
these men may not put anything in their profile.
They may just indicate that they're Christian
on when there's that religious question.
You know how like, do y'all know what I mean?
When there's like, you have to answer the question,
like, what's your religion?
What's your spirituality sort of thing?
And people can put Christian, Catholic,
spiritual but not religious, like all of that stuff.
For me, I use that as my swiping indicator.
If they didn't put that they were Christian on it,
I didn't swipe.
Now, occasionally I made exceptions
if I thought that their profile read really well
and they seemed like they had a good heart
and I could see some of the fruit in their profile.
For me, I was just like, okay,
he didn't put Christian on here,
but maybe he's interested in getting to know.
Okay, there's no hard rules.
What I will say is follow peace,
spend time in alignment with Holy Spirit,
ask for the gift of discernment
and decide that way, okay?
So again, I will say that not always men
that are Christian are gonna just let it be known, okay?
I'm not saying that, you know,
like now just start accepting everybody
in hopes that they are.
But just keep that in mind.
Okay, so you're getting tons of messages and it's overwhelming.
I tend to have no boundaries,
so my default is just to give everyone a chance.
Okay, that's totally fine.
You're at work. Got it.
Glad I saw this so we can decide.
Yeah, if you're getting overwhelmed with messages,
this is when it gets fun because now you really can practice Holy Spirit discernment,
and you get to decide which ones do you want to try,
and which ones do not.
If you're being infiltrated now, you get a little bit more to pick from.
That's not necessarily a bad thing.
So I think it's great that you're recognizing that you don't have boundaries,
that you tend to have no boundaries.
So that's probably something that's being highlighted
for you to spend some time with Holy Spirit and work through.
Okay, you know, leaning into Him,
asking Him ways that you can practice having some boundaries.
So spend time.
Let's find out, okay, Lord,
what boundaries can I start putting into place right now while I'm in this process?
Okay.
And so Stephanie, you're asking, how do you decide?
I have a ton of people to look at,
and that Jesus thing is my way to filter them.
Perfect.
So if that's the case, and you want to, like, right now,
you feel at peace that, look, you're into mission,
so you do need a particular person.
So I think that's a great way for you to kind of use as a filter.
So if guys are coming in, and they're not sharing about Jesus,
and you've got a lot, that will help you filter through them, okay?
And I would even start praying to Holy Spirit,
Lord, if my husband doesn't have something in his profile,
if he's online, he doesn't have something about his profile in Jesus,
Lord, prompt in his heart to put something there.
Start praying about it.
Okay, good.
I'm so glad that helps you.
Fantastic.
Stephanie, do you still have another question,
because your hand is up?
If you, yeah, Stephanie Davis, it's fine.
I just, I want to make sure that I'm not,
like, because if you have a second question,
you can still keep your hand up, because I will filter back around,
or circle back around to you, okay?
All right, next person that I see is Melissa.
Hey, Melissa, I saw some of your posts,
so let's dive into one of those.
Yeah.
Good.
One I wanted to ask about is the one about the guy, Matt, in Texas.
I love that you just talked about religion.
So he found me.
We've been talking for three weeks now,
and it's just like, we've clicked on every level,
and he has been so intentional.
Like, he's just made it clear that he wants to pursue.
I've barely had to initiate,
and he is just like, from what we've exchanged
with longer messages, like, over the app, and then texting,
and then our first video date, he is a great guy.
Like, he's got a good heart.
He's definitely been through some stuff,
but he's, like, working with a counselor,
and just seems to have a really good head on his shoulders.
And when he found me, I knew he was spiritual but religious,
but that can literally mean almost anything.
Exactly.
I, you know, wanting to not rush ahead.
I haven't pushed it.
I haven't asked about it.
I just mentioned, like, if it comes up in my life,
I bring up, like, oh, I'm going to church.
If it's naturally organically coming up,
like, that's when I always encourage you ladies,
like, share it.
Right.
Because that's, you're letting them get to know
a certain level of you.
So if your faith, and your religion,
and your relationship with the Lord is super important,
it's naturally gonna come up in conversation for you,
as long as we're not anticipating it for them.
But again, as you're getting to know them,
you're gonna see those fruits come out,
and you're gonna kind of get more of an understanding.
This is when, you know, the pacing part is important.
Okay, you're not gonna find out everything right away.
It's gonna take time.
So I love that.
I think I even saw, like, he brought up the conversation,
and you found out some information with him.
Right, and that's where I was struggling,
because he brought up about this link about saging,
and smudging.
What?
And then he said, I don't even believe in this.
I'm just at a last resort.
So I have no idea what his context is.
I haven't pushed and asked,
like, give me your whole backstory.
I don't know what the background,
like, does he have a Christian background?
I don't know.
But he sent that very kind reply of,
like, I'm willing to explore this.
I just need hand-holding.
And so I'm like, okay, that means we're on equal yoke now,
but.
Well, here's the thing.
I think this is, one thing that, when I read his response,
one thing that I saw that was really positive
that I thought was a green flag,
and correct me if I'm wrong, because I read it.
I wanna see if you noticed it.
He mentioned how he is going with his friend
to a men's Bible study, right?
Or group, men's group.
Yeah, so he clearly has at least one Christian man in his life.
So I think that's positive because yes, he's admitting, I need some hand-holding here.
And so it's not just, it's not you. Cause what I will encourage is ladies, like you do not want
to have to drag someone to equal your faith or to match your faith. What you're looking for
is it's not about where they've been or where they're current. I mean, even sometimes even
where they're currently at is what is their heart moving forward. So if you're seeing some fruits
here and he's saying, Hey, he's sharing some honest stuff. Like he's, he's probably, you know,
tussling with God a little bit here of some things that happened in his life. Again,
we don't know it's again, it's still kind of early. Right. And so that's probably probably
he's giving you a little bit to kind of get to know him, but he's also not diving in and like
vomiting all this stuff, which to me, I think is a good sign.
Well, and Carla, that's one of the things he is the pace. He has been so respectful of like
me not wanting to rush in, but he doesn't either. He just keeps saying,
we're just getting to know each other. This is great. We're just getting to know each other.
I think this is like, again, we don't know, like, again, we're not projecting. Is this
my spirit bait? Is this, is not, it's all about enjoying the process. Okay. You're seeing good
fruits right now. You're seeing some things that you're like, I'm not sure where this is going to
go. Right. And you don't have to get anxious about it. You don't have to get worried about it. Oh,
I don't know. I'm a little nervous. Don't just be like, okay, let's release that. Let's let God,
okay. God, I believe that you're going to let me know what I need to know when I need to know it.
Because remember this dating process is not always just about finding your,
finding your spirit mate. It's about the journey that God wants to take you on to prepare your
heart for marriage. Yeah. Okay. There's such growth and learning experience. I can't tell you,
there were so many guys that I encountered on my dating journey when I was in this program
that God used to help me sort things out so that when my husband came, I was ready to receive it.
Mm hmm. And so that's so important. Yeah. I think, you know, and, and Ebony, I've heard
even Ebony share is you don't want to not work on things that God's trying to highlight to you,
because here's the thing. God's not going to withhold us from our spirit mate, but he does
want us to prepare because the gifts that he gives us, he wants us to be able to steward them well.
Yeah. And if we don't, again, follow obedience and alignment with what God is asking us to do,
potentially if we're not taking the wisdom on and we're not learning from it
and God brings this gift, we may not have the capacity to keep it.
And so I just want to encourage you ladies that in this dating process, especially in phase two,
like really spend time with Holy Spirit and asking Holy Spirit, like, how can I grow from this?
How is this, how is this person being brought to me as an opportunity to prepare me for what you
have, the promise that you have for me? So I think you're seeing grapefruits from this guy.
Yeah. And I think I read that you guys are talking about, um, meeting in person,
meeting in person, him coming to Cleveland.
But that conversation has all been before the religious portion of it came up, but I'm like,
do we just continue even if I'm not certain where he stands and still talk about that?
Yeah. So I say still continue, still continue to get to know him because more can be revealed.
Um, you guys have been talking, I think it said two weeks.
Yeah. It's honestly, it feels like months like, and not because we're over attached. It's just
so easy and so fun. And he's admitted, I like you. I've been able to say, I like you too. I
want to keep getting to know you. And you've had video dates, right?
Just one so far. We've got another one. Yeah. Put those video dates on the calendar.
I would even say, look, I really am enjoying getting to know you. And, um, I know we kind
of briefly mentioned meeting up, you know, and you can even say like, look, I'm in this
program of, you know, a dating coach and, and like, you know, it's been encouraged to us,
especially with long distance that we meet in person within six weeks. So I would love to see
if we can't kind of navigate that if we continue to still enjoy getting to know each other and,
you know, let's see if we can't put something on the calendar as we continue to get to know each
other. I mean, are you pacing, um, your interactions? Well, like, are you, are you
talking a lot each day? Are you pacing it out? Is it like every day? Is it every other day?
Like what's that look like? It's every day so far. I always let him initiate like he's.
that says good morning usually by about 10 or 11. There was a hit on something really funny and be
texting for like an hour or two and then go hours without anything. Usually we're texting each other
even a little bit but like I had plans last night he had plans so he texted right after work and it
was like great have a good night like it's not like like oh good morning good night kind of like
in bed sort of thing not that. Okay so yeah it seems like he's got a he's got a healthy
healthy heart healthy healthy thing I'm sure he's got the only thing that we see is right now it
seems like he's still kind of tussling with this faith relationship with God and right now only
time will tell as you continue and if anything you're you're seeing how there are some really
good men out there regardless of where their faith is there's some really good intentional
men out there. Yeah. God used so many amazing men to come into my life just to show me that there
were good men out there because let me tell you my past before this program so many unhealthy men
and so I mean it was easy for me to think that and get in that scarcity mindset there's no good
men out there I'm not gonna find this I mean again like it was like all this but God was like
baby girl like let me show you there's good men. Yeah. You know and I'm gonna show you so that I
mean I had to have a lot of good men that started coming into my life so that I could believe it.
So I think so far continue to keep pacing I think you're still even talking to a few people
be careful Melissa that you're not overwhelming yourself with so many guys and so many dates okay
I want you to just kind of again just kind of slow down a little bit just again enjoy the process
that with that I think you're doing great. Yeah I'm talking to only two to three at a time right now
and I have one maybe two dates a week so that's like and I mean like and it won't be with the
same guy. And it's not overwhelming your life like you feel like there's balance in your life
like you've got everything and okay that's because I think a couple weeks ago I think we kind of
started seeing some of that and I was I was concerned there was like a lot of anxiousness
and I was like oh I don't want you to feel like things are overwhelming you yeah so as long as
you feel like you've got that then great like I'm so happy. Yeah I feel like it took a minute like
Stephanie was saying just the overwhelm at first yeah advantage of these connections and it was
too much and I just like took a breath and really like surrendered to the holy spirit like okay god
which ones do you want me to pursue and connect with and just energy more and just realize I don't
want this to like take over my life. Yeah exactly this this whole dating process ladies we want it
to be fun for you we really do enjoy the process I mean I I struggled with this when I was in the
program because I'm an anxious detacher I'm an overthinker I'm a rule follower gotta do the
checklist like that was my that's me that's me in a nutshell okay I have control like control is
a big thing for me that god's constantly working with me on even in my marriage and even with my
kids and so um there was a lot of times that Jackie had to be like girl like slow down like
slow your raw hair enjoy the process like stop projecting stop overthinking because I'm one of
those people like I'm going to be several steps ahead like I am like the warrior queen where I'm
like but what if this happens and what if this happens because I want to have a plan and Jackie's
like girl you're gonna have to like release some of that so I get all of that so I'm so glad to
hear that things are smoothing out for you um and that's amazing so so thank you so much for coming
on and sharing okay Stacy you okay will the love seat thing tonight be available for um us in phase
two replay I do not think it is it will be in the phase three rape replay I don't think it'll be in
phase two I will double check with that let me just ask I'm gonna write it down right now so I can
ask the team um if anything it'll be in replay once you get to phase three um and do I recommend
looking through profiles or just looking at men that liked you already again this is one of those
things like you get to decide how you manage it depending on um the capacity that you have
so for me what I did because I had so like I would have a lot of likes
I just focused on the likes because again I was a single mom I was a very busy woman
so I could like I didn't have the bandwidth to look at all the things so I had to kind of pick
what do I have the bandwidth for now now if you find that you're not getting a lot of likes
and you have the time go look at some others again it could be it literally can be you get
to decide every
day, what am I going to do today? Lord, how do you want me to navigate this online dating
today? And just kind of go from there. Okay. Awesome. Okay. Katie, you're up next. I'm
just reading through Stephanie's stuff so that I'm not missing anything. Good, good,
good. Okay. I do think it's about structuring it so I can like it. It's only, um, I can't
read that. Oh, I can only sustain something if I like it. Okay. So yeah, just enjoy it.
I know. Right. Can God just Amazon Prime my husband to me, right? And you ladies, I don't
know. Like Jackie always like there was one time I was listening to Jackie and she's like,
she can't even say that anymore because one of the women, I think it was in our community
way back. The, her husband was like her post man. Her husband actually was her mailman
and he actually came to her door. So she's like, I can't even say that anymore because
God has a unique way of bringing all your spirit mates. I will tell you that God is
very intentional about your love story and I can attest like, like he's just really good
and he's really intentional. Like I could have never envisioned and imagined my love
story turned out the way that it did. Like it's, and it was so perfect the way God did
it for me. Like God really spoke to my heart. He spoke to my husband's heart. He spoke to
our kids' hearts and really showed us that that's what he wanted to combine. Like there
was a purpose and a plan. Like he brought us together and it was really God confirmation
and God was so intentional and even the timing was absolutely perfect. So just know God's
got your love story written for you. All right. And we can fantasize what it might look like,
but at the end of the day, God's got a better love story than we could ever imagine. Okay.
All right, Katie, you are up next. You are, you're, this is your first time to Faith too?
I've been here once, um, like, but it was like a month ago and then on vacation. And so now I'm
like, gotcha. But now you're in like, you're like fully invested now, right? I'm here. Yeah.
Awesome. Perfect. Okay. What question do you have?
Yeah, well, I think I'm wrestling with like a bit of a scarcity mentality and I live in Seattle,
which isn't like a super like stereotypically Christian area. I mean, there are a lot of
churches up here, but it's not like the cultural norm. Um, yeah, but there's a ton of single men
up here. Um, so that's tricky to navigate on the apps. I'm like, oh, there's a lot of like
solid looking guys, but they all are like agnostic or yeah. Um, and it feels like all
the Christian guys just seem really dorky. Um, okay. But so I guess my question is,
I'm trying to like work through that scarcity mindset. And I've also,
I feel like sometimes I'm just like, what do I need to do? Like, um, I put my apps in different
cities and been like open to like moving, but then I've talked to guys long distance and that just
like, hasn't worked out. Like it's been a few situations that I've been fully ghosted. Um,
but okay. My question is, okay. I'm not being brief. Um, we're getting you on track. You're
good. Yeah. At my church, like there are a handful of like in recent weeks, there's like a handful of
like seemingly single men in my age range. And I just am like, I noticed myself on at church on
Sunday being like a little fixated, like, oh, like maybe like, I'm just trying to figure out
like, what's the balance of like, how do I kind of like engage with these guys without being
in a scarcity mindset? And I've prayed, I've asked God, like, I'd kind of like to meet a guy
off the app, like not on the apps. Um, not on apps. Okay. Like that's my, my prayer, but yeah,
there's like my church, but I feel like they don't necessarily make a lot of effort to talk to me.
Does your church have like a singles group?
Um, no, they have a lot of stuff going on where like,
there's like a happy hour once a month. And, um, so there's
opportunities. Okay, do you have some girlfriends at your church? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I mean
I'm just even thinking like if you guys can't so if there's some if there's a once a month
there's like you know an event for singles when you're you know getting to know these
guys you know just again you kind of see someone like oh hey you know I've never seen you around
or I've noticed you here and you kind of like talk to them a little bit kind of get
to know them on like a conversational level right you know you could be like hey have
you do you are you aware of the singles meetups that we have once a month you should definitely
check it out and just kind of drop that and like let them know and then as long as you're
showing up to those and you then you're in a setting and again you're in a group setting
and so that might be a way of just kind of again just showing interest getting to know
people like letting guys know hey like here's a single thing so then that way they know
you're single right and then they can be showing up if they're interested in just getting to
know other singles okay so I would you know just find ways to do that but let's talk about
the scarcity mindset I think it's I think it's good that you're recognizing like this
is the mindset that you're operating in and so this is when we get to like okay it's obviously
it's it's being revealed to you God's putting it there and showing you hey and you're in
your heart you know that that's there so this is when we get to kind of go back to our tools
from heart work and we can start saying okay God like help me see where I'm aligning with
this what beliefs am I believing and even like where does this come from like when when did
this enter when did this lie enter that there's not enough or I'm gonna miss out and then let's
do some heart work on that mm-hmm so what and in Holy Spirit might reveal that to you right now
you might need to go take some time with that is there anything that's coming to your mind where
that belief that there's just not enough out there was there a situation that is coming to mind where
that's where you felt this way does that make sense am I wording it wording it well mm-hmm
is anything kind of coming up well I think there are some things from childhood of feeling like I
am left out from this thing part of life like okay yeah definitely there's that stuff and then I feel
like I always like in my 20s I always like with lat like spiritual eyes situations like I'd latch
on to like a guy and be like oh that's the guy God has for me oh I see all the signs and like
there's a spiritual eyes a over spiritual ization I think and I know doing that at church with like
oh maybe that's the one and then I get a little before even like getting to know somebody yeah
I did that too like because I was just I was so I just so desired to have companionship and
relationship but one thing that I noticed is that I was putting so focused and thinking that and I'm
speaking this for me okay so maybe you can relate I just wanted someone to come fill a void that
only Jesus could fill and I had to work on certain things that I believed about myself so for my
experience what I walk through especially coming through this program like one thing that God
really revealed to me and worked and did heart work on me on was this feeling that I wasn't
worthy I wasn't good enough no guy was going to like me no guy was gonna see me as a treasure
because I wasn't good enough and so I had to do some serious heart work on where that came and
when I started believing that and even a lot of the relationships that I found in I was constantly
seeking validation and love and all the wrong ways and so I really had to spend time and God
had to kind of walk me through and it's why I honestly think he brought that like when I was
in this program some really amazing good men that weren't my spirit mate show me they were out there
and that those men could value me, even just as a sister in Christ.
That they didn't have to see me.
And then I learned how to be like, it was okay, because it wasn't, it wasn't
rejection, so I had some stuff with rejection even, and so it's, it's part
of this process is just, again, like, you know, why are we fixating it?
What are we believing?
Lord, help me reveal and show me what I need to work on.
What, what are some of my beliefs, even about myself?
So I, I hope that some of this is kind of helping you, um, give
me some of your feedback.
I'm, I'm interested, like I'm an external processor, so I don't
know how you process things.
If you need to kind of go sit with it, or if you need to process it out, just let me
know, um, I think I'm a little bit of both, I think being like aware of time
and stuff, I'm like, you're fine.
Let's not worry about time right now.
But I've got people, okay.
We've still got like 10 minutes.
I can go another 10 minutes over if I need to.
Okay.
So let's, we don't have to worry about that so much.
Okay.
Definitely feeling that, um, like I noticed myself when I'm out at a happy
hour or something like feeling the need for validation or like, oh, if no guy's
really chatted with me, I'll feel really bummed out.
Like, um, like, oh God, like God doesn't have anybody for me.
Nobody's, I don't know.
I can kind of be extreme about it.
And I think there is a sense, like a, an identity thing.
And I've, I've been working on it for a while.
It's just comes back.
It comes back, um, in my, the way I feel like my reactions, I can think different.
I'm like, I know this isn't true.
I know I'm like a catch.
I know I'm like no different from anybody else in terms of like being worthy of a,
of love.
Um, yeah, but I feel like my feelings are so can be really strong.
Like if I sense like, oh, he didn't talk to me.
I can all of a sudden just all of a sudden believe like, uh, I'm being left out from
this thing.
And I, and I'm 37 and I feel like, like, all right, my, I know these are all lies,
but there's not like, I've missed the boat.
I've, you know, and there is still, yeah.
When you, when those types of things and you're recognizing that these are lies.
Yeah.
Have you ever practiced like speaking to the enemy and telling him to shove it?
I mean, I had to do that.
I really do.
Like there were times that the enemy's presence would be really strong.
Yeah.
And I mean, I literally had to literally speak to him and being like, you're not
going to lie to me anymore.
This is what I'm getting.
Holy spirit chills on this.
Y'all.
Yeah.
My God says I'm loved.
I'm precious.
I'm treasured.
He loves me and he's got the best for me.
And you can't lie to me that I'm not worthy.
Yeah.
You can take that lie and you can take it back to hell where it belongs because you
don't have power over my life anymore and start speaking the blood of Jesus over
that.
Yeah.
Start like, start combating that.
Start taking, start taking it to him and start speaking to that.
Like, yeah, you can start fighting the enemy with the truth that God says about
you.
And that's how you honestly, like, that's how you can come back.
He like, cause, and I can relate to this because I had struggles with my identity
as well.
Yeah.
And it was when I started taking authority over what God said about me, that started
breaking off.
And then I like got, Holy spirit was like, you are precious gift.
I'm going to show you how you're a precious gift.
And those types of situations start happening.
And I do think that's when all of a sudden God started bringing me good men, not, not
even like, cause they were my husband, just be like, look, you're now attracting men
that are attracted to you, that find value in you just as who you are as a sister in
Christ.
Yeah.
And so that helped me then once my husband came and he really true, like my husband,
like he adores me.
Yeah.
Sometimes I'm like, what?
Like, and I like, I could actually receive it because ladies, it's important that you
start taking hold of who you are and who's you are because you're going to like, your
husband's going to see you that way.
Yeah.
And you can just start like, I believe it.
I believe that about myself.
So that you can start walking in who God says you are.
I think I want to encourage you when those thoughts come up, you start fighting the enemy.
You go to battle and say, look, look, dude, like, look here, Satan, not today, like the
victory's already been won.
You have no power over me and who you can't lie to me because here's the thing.
And the enemy is so like, he's like, he's only like, he's so basic, right?
He's so predictable.
And once we can realize and predict how he's going to come at us, there's no, there's no
competing.
Yeah.
And so when you start seeing that, I want you to start taking it and having authority
of it and using that Holy Spirit authority that lives inside you and start speaking to
that because the enemy wants to trap you in that thinking.
And I think it's time to start releasing that and start, you know, again, where does that
come from?
Holy Spirit, like you're going to speak to that and then Holy Spirit's going to start
showing you and it's going to help you start getting some, some of those breakthroughs.
So those revealings for healing.
So I want, I, I feel very strong about this.
I really feel Holy Spirit's presence and I really think that you're going to start seeing
some breakthrough.
Yeah.
Start claiming it.
Okay.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I think that was powerful ladies.
And I also think like Katie, I just appreciate you coming and sharing because a lot of women
need to see how even when it's scary to come to our lives and, and, and, you know, share
and be vulnerable, like Holy Spirit really can move and shift.
I think this probably is not going to even give you, not just give you breakthrough,
but I think there's other people on this call right now and that are even going to watch
in, in replay that it's going to help like ladies take hold.
The enemy has no control over you anymore and your love stories.
All right.
Keep us posted.
Keep coming back.
Keep showing up.
Yeah.
Stephanie, I'm so glad that helped you as well.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Y'all like I, I'm a feeler and I got the Holy Spirit right now.
Like I feel it like it's, it's good.
So I'm, I'm so thankful.
So again, don't worry about the time.
Show up.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thanks.
All right.
I got Amanda.
And then I got Anya.
I think I pronounced her name, right?
I don't know.
I hope I did.
And then Lily wanted to go last.
So yeah, I'm going to take those last three.
Even if we go a little bit over, I'm fine.
Let's still try to keep it short, brief and powerful.
But I think we really needed to get to that.
I'm, I'm happy that we took time on that, Katie.
So thank you.
Um, and then if any of you have something that you want to share, come into the app
and share that as well.
Okay.
Um, all right.
Amanda, how are you?
Spring break time.
I'm doing pretty good.
Yeah.
Life has been really full, so it's taken me a little bit longer in phase two than I thought.
Um, I was really excited.
I think I've shared a little bit of this.
Some people are new, but like in January I was like ready to hit the ground running,
ready to start my profile.
I was like ready to date.
I was ready for these seven dates.
And then I came to the first life session and broke down like I am terrified.
So I'm in that process.
I've really been doing the revealing for healing cycle.
So working through some of those fears of men, fears of dating, all those past traumas
In the meantime, I've been, um, I've been talking to dating, um, one man and it's a
man that I've known from the past.
Um, and I'm giving him a chance, um, to me with our interactions, it stayed like one
or two, you know, like we've been, we've seen each other face to face maybe since January,
since the end of January, maybe three or four times, a handful of times, something as simple
as a breakfast, maybe a shopping, something very, very simple.
We talk daily.
Um, we're good friends.
We've been good friends.
So that those things haven't changed.
I know I'm pretty well.
The thing is, um, I'm feeling like, like it's still at that lower level.
He hasn't made any talk for exclusivity specifically.
Will you be my girlfriend?
I want to pursue something full time, you know, like fully, but he'll make small comments
like, okay, you're my girl.
Like little things like that, but not asking like those types of things.
And in the past in relationships, I found myself waiting and waiting and waiting years
of waiting.
Yeah.
So I want to continue on.
I don't like, it's that dating multiple people at a time, you know?
So in one hand, I feel like if I continue to move on and look into dating, get my feet
out there a little bit, that I'm being disrespectful to him because I can feel that he's trying
to have something.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm saying.
There's some past stuff, so this is where it does get a little tricky.
And so, you know, you're taking the advice, like the exclusive talk, obviously you're
letting him lead that and he's not doing that.
I think because this is a different circumstance, this is when where I would probably, because
I can hear, I mean, I can kind of even hear in your voice that you're getting choked up
about the waiting part.
And so I think you're probably seeing that that's kind of the pattern that's starting
to happen with him now.
And it's keeping you from going really into practicing the discovery dating over here
because you still have this past relationship that's still uncertain.
And so, you know, how do you feel about having a very candid, transparent conversation and
having some open communication and saying, look, it's really hard for me when you make
comments about I'm your girl and we're still very unclear with what's going on here.
And you can even be honest as you're not even sure where you want it to go.
I mean, that's my question.
If this guy said, I want to be an exclusive relationship with you, what would your response
to him to be?
I really don't even know.
Like part of me wants to explore because I even had a dream that I think is really related
to this.
I had a dream that I was in an airport and I had a carry on bag and I was going to carry
this bag on to the plane with me, but I was stuck at like bag, like check, trying to check
this bag.
And it was really hard for me to check this bag.
And I like at toward the end of the dream, I'm like, why am I even trying to check this
bag?
This, I can carry it on.
Like, why am I holding onto this?
Like why am I trying, you know, like what am I trying to do here?
And I think it was something with this situation, like something's keeping me held, something's
holding me.
So whether it's him or whether it's just the thoughts of the connectedness, the attachment
kind of things that I've had, the waiting period in the past, whatever it is, there's
something that's connected there.
Like something's holding me and I'm like, I should be able to just, I can take this
with me.
What do you think that carry on represents?
I really don't know.
Part of it was, part of me was wondering if it was like, in a sense him, like if he hasn't
made this full notion, like my, my thought is, do I need to tell him, you know, like,
do I owe that to him to tell him?
And then part of me says, yes, part of me is like, why do I even want to carry it in
the first place?
Could I even just drop it?
Do I even need this bag?
Like, those are things that were happening in my dream.
Why am I waiting here?
I'm going to miss my flight.
You're like, why am I not getting on this flight?
What's more important?
Like what's more important getting on this flight or this bag?
Right.
So whether I check it, whether I leave it, whether I carry it on with me, why is this
bag holding me back?
So yeah.
And it could have been many things.
And that's what I'm saying.
Like I, like I have learned and I'm not, I'm still learning how to interpret dreams well.
Like I've gotten to the point where I can kind of get an idea of what God's trying to
show me in dreams.
I really do always ask the Holy Spirit to kind of show me those.
So I would spend some time, you know, I would encourage you to spend some time like what
and reflect on that, you know, and sometimes God doesn't tell us right away.
Sometimes like I, there's been dreams that I have had for several, like several years
ago that I got some information and insight on, like Holy Spirit spoke to me, whether
he spoke to my heart or he spoke through somebody else.
And then, you know, months go by and then another piece gets revealed.
Like it's not always this, I read, get all of it revealed.
And so I think spending time with that, but considering what you're sharing, and then
this dream, there does feel like.
There's a lot of very similar correlation where the airplane is this,
you know, really take off, like get on board and take off with what God wants
to show you through the dating process and where it can take you, but you've
got this hat, this carry on kind of like something's holding you there.
And so I think, you know, you have an opportunity if like, you
know, how do you approach it?
How have you opened up to this man about this program?
Does he know that you are in a program of, of learning how to
date and getting out there?
Yeah, that's been really good too, because I've been able to
practice some of those things.
Like you can see that, like some boundaries that I've set, some
clarities from where in the past I would just kind of go along with
whatever, you know, and kind of sacrifice what I wanted because I
was attaching really strong, like really wanting that relationship and things.
So those things, those haven't scared him per se, you know, he has been like,
oh, this woman is a different, you know, that's actually more attractive.
You know?
You know, if it were me, um, I would, I mean, again, he's someone from your
past, so you have a bit of a, of the ability to have more of an open, honest
conversation, like really kind of get down to, yeah, there's some more depth
that can be there where I think having an honest conversation with him and just
say, look, I'm really struggling with, you know, spending time with you and
really not knowing where we're going with this, and I don't even know
where we want to go with this.
I'm not really sure what I want right now.
I enjoy spending time with you.
I enjoy, um, you know, continuing to see like, and to develop our, you know,
friendship, um, but I also feel like it's important for me to get out there
and date other people, and I'm concerned that our interactions is holding me
back from really taking a step forward and doing some of the things that I need
to do for me, and so I think it's just as when you have really an honest
conversation with them and, and it's, you're going to have some, some feelings
and some thoughts and, you know, really taking some, uh, you know, some
accountability and, and being strong and bold in your conversation with him.
So, um, yeah.
What are your thoughts?
Well, I think I've already stepped out a little bit.
I haven't had that conversation, but I was, um, I feel like I did something crazy
today.
Um, but I emailed, um, admin about like a, somebody that had been a
single spotlight that I had seen.
Good.
And so that felt crazy.
I was like, oh my gosh, I don't even know if I'm ready for this.
Like, that's what I said.
But it was something that I was like, I'd seen it a few like, um, well,
actually I've seen it a year ago, you know, not the single spotlight,
but the person a year ago.
And then it came up as a senior, a single spotlight.
I was like, oh, okay, well, let me just explore.
Like, that's what I'm going to have to do is discover.
I'm really kind of sensing this because you've even brought up that your
interaction with other men and single men has been something that you've
struggled with that.
I'm wondering if that's part of your process and, and really
getting comfortable with that.
And because you've got this past guy over here, it's really keeping you from
this process of exploring and learning more about yourself and discovering more
about yourself and getting some breakthrough in that way.
And it's hard for you to get through that process when you're
being held up over here.
So I would even just encourage you to maybe let this guy know, look for right
now, I need to put this on hold as far as us going romantically.
I, I need to spend some time exploring what dating other people look like.
Because here's the thing.
If that man is your spirit mate, he's going to respect your, your process.
Yeah.
Are you, how are you feeling about having that hard conversation?
Conversation with him
It's gonna be hard
I wonder if
Spend some time in prayer about it and but I'm getting a really strong feeling that
It is holding you back a little bit I
Think you know what? I think that's why there's I'm
like I'm hearing a lot of
Choking up and emotion that there's some
anxiousness and
that's scary and
I think once you can kind of walk through it and do it. I think it's gonna start revealing a lot more for you and
Some breakthroughs are gonna happen. And again
Understand that if this man is your spirit mate, you're not going to mess it up
But I think it's going to be important for you to walk through some of this process and
Get some breakthroughs in some other areas
I want to give you some time here. So, how are you?
You
Are some fears coming up
Yeah, yeah
It's fears that I've been working on yeah
Do your journal we're there yeah, no recently, you know, yeah, not really
That I didn't recognize yeah
And here's the thing is God wants to heal those areas
And that's why sometimes you know these opportunities like happen in these situations happen because the biggest picture is God wants us healed
You know, yes, he wants to give us the husband's
But his bigger goal is to heal us as well. And then we get healed in a relationship
No, we haven't been hurt in a relationship. We get healed in a relationship
And sometimes all these opportunities and all these situations start coming
So that we can really fully, you know gain that healing
And
Do you journal
Yeah, yeah, I would spend some time with that
And then
Yeah, spend spend time this week just really journaling like you've got the freedom of some spring break
You know and go out and have fun, too
Go have fun
And just really pray about how God wants you to approach this, you know situation with this guy
But I do think you're going to get some breakthrough
And you're going to get to face some of those fears head-on
And once you do God's really going to show you just how
Empowered you are and how so much he is with you
All right
And then just keep continue to keep showing up. Keep us posted
All right
Yeah, we're here to walk alongside you
And support you in any way that we can
All right
All right, go have like be compressed. All right journal
Keep us posted
Be compressed. All right journal have some but do something fun today
Okay
All right, Anya
Is that did I say it right you did uh, Anya, but close yeah
Okay, it's okay
I'll get there. I will get there. Ebony's butchered it way worse for weeks, but she's got it now
It's hard because I used to work with a girl her name was Anya and she spelled it Ian
So that's like that's how i've said that name and so i'm not saying Anya i'm saying
Anya, so I will get better. It's totally fair
All right, what you got for us?
um, just a follow-up from uh, my date on saturday, so
um
I uh
Yeah, it was it was an interesting conversation
Um, and I think I just sorry i'm just putting this on do not disturb because I just got a call come through
um
I think I just
I just needed a little bit of process and maybe a little bit of wisdom on it.
I've been trying to spend some time praying about it too, but basically where things landed
is we did get to talk, like he shared a bit of his testimony.
I use different language because it's like, this is like a whole new world to him.
And I think it's really, I really do think there's even a reason that we connected.
He's expressed it and he expressed it again, even texting yesterday, like that even for
himself with the Lord, he just is even more hungry.
But it wasn't even just his answers.
It's not like, oh no, he believes in that thing.
And I'm like, that's a no-go.
It was more, I think just a realization of how new he is to everything.
Even with what I feel called to, I'm just not sure that, it's not that we couldn't
grow together or stuff, but he's new, new, new, new to faith in general.
And even what following Jesus really looks like.
Remind me, you have ministry in your DNA, right?
So yeah, you're going to need someone that's going to be able to partner with that.
I lead worship, I teach, yeah, all sorts of things, but in leadership, in ministry.
And so there was also, I know he was nervous, I know it was awkward because this has been
for him like, I don't want this to be the end or to be the thing that gets between us.
But to a degree, almost a little dismissive because of it of, well, these aren't really
big differences.
And I'm like, but they are.
Where we're at is just so different.
Yeah.
Trying to kind of process, I think you're probably, you know, that this is now a no.
He probably is like, no, I don't want it to be a no.
He's asking about our next date.
And I keep ignoring that text and just answering the others.
This is actually, I like that this is being brought up because we teach here at Last Year
Single that at the end of the day, in any dating interactions that y'all have, we really
want to encourage you ladies to leave.
Leave a guy better than you found him, right?
You know, grace on guys, you know, especially if they don't do it right, we obviously don't
want to preach to them and tell them everything that they're doing wrong or whatever, or leave
them like tore up from the floor up.
We just, we want to do our best to honor, honor them and honor, you know, our God by,
you know, walking that out as well and leaving them better than we found them.
And so I think it's important that, you know, you can have the honest conversation and be
like, look, like you are such a great guy.
Like I love that you are hungry to learn more.
And I have really, really enjoyed spending time getting to know you.
And you know, it has been a hard decision for me, but I know what's the calling on my
life is in leadership and ministry.
And so it's important that I have someone that can partner with me in that.
And you know, it would be doing you a disservice and me a disservice if we continue to see
this out romantically.
I have appreciated getting to know you.
I just don't think that this is going to continue to move forward.
You've brought a lot of insight to me.
It's been a blessing.
You know, there's things that I've really learned by interacting with you.
I hope that you can say the same thing.
I really do wish you the best.
And here's another thing, maybe introduce this program to him and just say, look, like
I'm in this program and it's been great for me.
We have a men's portion too, if you'd be open to looking it out.
There's a lot of amazing single people in this program and who knows, maybe your person's
in that group.
And you'd be interested in learning more about it and then give them the information.
I think you're seeing that this is just a no.
And it doesn't have to be a no because it's repulsive and this guy, you know, whatever.
Sometimes it's a no because it's just a no.
And the last thing we want is for you to be trapped in, you know, not being able to
to continue to move forward to find your spirit mate
and then also leaving that person held up
from finding their spirit mate.
So it's okay to be a no and it doesn't have to be a bad no.
It could just be like, you're a great person,
we're just not great, we're not each other's person.
But there's a good person out there for you
and I wanna help you get there.
So I'm gonna release you
so that you get closer to your spirit mate
and they get closer to theirs.
That's good.
I think you're growing beautifully.
Yeah, I mean, I even felt like,
cause I kind of knew even coming home on Saturday
and then I just have had full, full days,
but just I actually have a lot of gratitude
even of like, wow,
that he was my first experience in dating ever.
I learned so much, but also just like,
to see someone who's so like kind and genuine
and thoughtful and caring and like going out of his way,
like just, you know, he might not be masculine
in the sense of, it's not like, you know,
big muscles working out, whatever,
but in the way that he cares a hundred percent.
And so just to even see like, that's who's out there.
Yeah.
Are men like that?
Yeah, like, that's what I love.
Like, you're kind of realizing like,
the masculinity isn't about their physique
and all that kind of stuff.
Yes, they have masculine features,
but real divine masculinity is a heart posture.
Yeah.
It really is, ladies.
Like divine masculine when it shows up,
oh, it's very attractive, okay?
Like this need to protect and provide and honor
and the chivalry and all of those things
that kind of come with the divine masculine
and just being really bold and leader
and those type of aspects are, you know,
just really, really an awesome thing.
It's not about how they physically look like,
yeah, men have masculine physically body,
but that's not the heart of the divine masculine.
So I think this has been a good experience for you.
Just continue to keep showing up,
let us know how the conversation goes.
I think you're gonna have some, you know, good,
I think it's gonna be good.
I really do.
I'm gonna pray that, you know, for you as well.
Even with that, I was thinking like phone call,
like, cause he's at level.
Is that fun?
Do a phone call for sure.
Say, hey, like, you know,
I need to have conversation with you and, you know,
and again, just share with them, you know,
what you've enjoyed about him and just say, look,
like, you know, I know I have a strong leadership
in ministry and it's important for me.
And I just, you know, I wanna wish you the best,
but I can't see this moving forward
and it's nothing that you've done.
It's just, I need to go explore a little more, you know,
and then hopefully he takes it well.
Okay, Lily, I'm gonna take your question.
We're gonna have to be as quick as possible.
We're about 15 minutes over,
but I do wanna answer, I think, I don't know,
just, I cannot, sometimes my chat.
Someone asked, what's the advantage of phase three?
Okay, so Stephanie, you asked,
what the advantages of phase three?
You don't get coaching there.
You do.
It's, you're still gonna post in the community.
There's still coaches in phase three
that will respond to you.
There are more sessions where you will be with Jackie.
It'll be a bigger community.
So there'll be more people on a call,
but you're like tonight, it's a love seat.
So it's very, almost probably very similar
to what we're doing here now
of where people get to ask their questions
and then Jackie shares her insight
and she might do some coaching more specifically
on dating as well.
So it's still there.
We also have something called Ask Jackie in phase three.
So you can submit questions for Jackie
and then she does sometimes go live
and respond to those as well.
So there's still coaching available.
It's just not going to be as like tight knit like this,
but there's still, then you're gonna get access
to community events, to single spotlights,
to like dating games, meeting people in the community,
things of that nature.
So I hope that helps answer.
So don't think that like, oh, I'm leaving phase two
cause I don't get coaching anymore.
You'll still get that there.
There are a lot of really amazing.
and leaders and coaches in phase three.
Okay, all right, Lily, gotcha.
You can't be on camera cause you're at work.
All right, what's your question?
So I have, I've been having a good time with my date.
So thank you, Jesus.
But it's, mine is very similar to the past two ladies,
but I am at a point where there are two guys
that I'm getting to know, and I just don't wanna,
I'm very hyper-focused on not taking advantage of anyone.
Like if I know that I know, I don't want to,
so I don't think that's kind.
And I think what's also getting me to think
that I need to figure out which one not to move forward with
is my schedule has gotten, I live a full life, it's full.
And outside of dating,
and then I have to drive like an hour to meet them
cause they just, anyway.
So that's kind of where I'm coming from.
So there are two guys, super kind, super sweet,
but I just like, I'm the director of Prayer Hubs for Georgia
for one organization.
Like one of the guys, super kind, super everything,
but he doesn't even, we've been out three times
and no prayer over our food.
And I'm thinking, ah, you know,
and I'm not gonna say anything, I haven't said anything.
I just pray to myself.
And then, you know, he's,
I just can tell he's not fully surrendered.
Like he's, he believes in Jesus.
Okay, so you've been on three dates with him,
and he's shared with you that he believes in Jesus?
Yeah, he believes in Jesus.
He believes he's coming back,
but his life doesn't reflect that.
He looks worldly.
Yeah, okay.
So yeah, I mean, I think if you're kind of feeling like
maybe this is just not it, and it's a no for you,
like ladies, it's a yes until it's a no,
but it doesn't mean like you have to sit there
and hold on forever either.
Like if you know that it's a no, it's okay.
We encourage that you ladies
at least give guys two or three dates.
If after three dates, you're kind of like,
yeah, I don't know, it's okay to let it go.
I mean, cause the cool thing is that if you let it go
and you weren't supposed to let it go,
God's going to figure out how to bring it back.
Like there's going to be,
like you can't mess anything up, right?
And so, yeah, I mean, and I would even encourage like,
you know, if you decide to maybe even go on a fourth date
with him and you guys, and he's not blessing the food,
feel okay to be like, hey,
like especially on a third date or a fourth date,
just to be like, you know,
praying over my food is really important.
Would you mind if we pray over the food?
Ask him.
Okay.
Cause sometimes, I mean,
I mean, and have you had the opportunity
to share your faith with him?
Has it come up naturally organically for you?
Have you been able to, you know, put those little,
you know, what I'm, I can't think of the word.
Like, have you been able to kind of insert your faith
in just natural conversation with him?
A very basic, like I've told him, you know,
I'm the director of prayer hubs.
Like prayer is very important to me.
I've sprinkled it in here and there.
He's never asked, right?
Like, oh, what organization or anything?
He knows I go to church.
He knows that church, you know, I asked him,
told him I was going to worship service.
And he's like, oh, what's that?
And I'm like, oh my God.
You're like, oh, yeah.
So, I mean, I think you're, and again,
because whatever your destiny DNA is,
if that's part of your life, like that's part of your job.
Yeah.
That's going to be important.
And then again, I think that's where God
can start using these dates to highlight to you.
What is going to be some, you know, things in your life
that, you know, what are going to be some things
that men show up that are going to be important
for you to continue to progress?
So again, give guys two or three dates.
And if you're kind of noticing that's not, you know,
where they're going, I think it's okay to say,
hey, I've really enjoyed spending time
with you, getting to know you.
I'm not sure I see this going anywhere romantically.
I really do wish you the best.
And you can just say, hey, like, you know,
yeah, and just leave it at that.
Okay.
I'm even thinking, I mean, do I,
do I not go on this fourth date?
There's, we're supposed to get together this weekend.
Well, I think that can be up to you.
Like, do you enjoy going out with him?
Everything else is great, but I mean,
that's ultimately what is going to be, you know.
If you are comfortable going out on a date
and having, you know, a face-to-face conversation
and saying, look, like.
I'm glad we're spending this time out. Um, I really think it's important and it's honorable for me to kind of share
to you with where i'm at
and
I I don't see this going anywhere romantically and so
Okay
Um, yeah, or if you don't and if or if you don't want to do that
You don't want to go on the date. You can have a phone call or a video chat with them and just say hey
you know
Before we go on this date. I really just want to open up and let you know like where i'm at
I mean I did I mean I just I share that because that happened to me
I had um, I would have been on three dates with somebody
and
He was very intentional very interested in and he wanted to you know, progress the relationship
He wanted it to be exclusive. I wasn't sure I was there for it. We had a fourth date plan
Um, and I just had to let him know
between that third and fourth date
Like I don't think it's a good idea for us to go on a date because i'm not sure
Um, or not not even that i'm not sure. I know that i'm not ready to progress this into anything romantic
and
Really appreciated how intentional you've been how kind you've been
I mean, I i've sung his praises because I he really was a great guy and I let him know that like
I want you to know where i'm at
And i'm not sure a fourth date is probably ideal
Because
I'm, not feeling it romantically
And I don't want to hold you up from finding whatever it is that you're looking for
But I know that i'm not on that page with you
so
and so and and he he took it graciously, I don't think he loved it, but
you know
I was honest I was honest with him and I didn't string him along and I was very you know open with it
And so I knew once I knew it was a no for me
It was important for me to share that with him and I had given him three dates. And so that's why I felt comfortable
Because again, that's what jack is like
Like jack is always like two or three dates ladies, like it's not a hard no
And they're not repulsive. They're not inappropriate like it's okay
to
You know continue to go on at least three dates and after the three date if it's just not there
And here's the thing ladies when you end something and you end it well
It's all there's always a potential for it to circle back around
As long as you end things well
That's honorable. That's respectful
Like it can always circle back around
If that's god's plan, right
Yeah
So I hope that helps you. Let us know how it goes. Let us know what you decide
I will think
Okay. All right ladies, um, it's been a pleasure
um
I only went 30 minutes over
Oh goodness
Hopefully I don't get reprimanded. Um, anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day
Make sure that you go to the phase three sneak peek tonight if you can make it eight o'clock eastern
It's in the events tab on your calendar
Um, check it out
And I will see you ladies next week. Okay
Have a blessed day
Bye