All right, welcome to love seats for March you guys it's already March and March is already
almost half over it is half over really it is pretty much half over and I can't believe
it it's crazy it's crazy how fast time is flying this year I'm in my my 50th year of
life it's flying by way too quick right I'm just like uh-oh what happens next 51 oh that
doesn't sound very exciting but we'll roll with it I wanted to make sure I hit record
just to say please make sure that you're joining any single city that's anywhere near you we
want to open more we're going to open more this year guys this is an in-person year say
it with me this is an in-person year we want to get in person as much as we can with each
other I'm taking a group to Cartagena in about seven or eight weeks we're going to Columbia
together we did that last year we're going to do that again this year we have a singles
cruise you guys so affordable and we've extended registration we've gotten more cabins on that
cruise ship it is it's open to men or women it's open to your friends okay it's not open
to the public we're not announcing it publicly but if you have a friend it's open to the
people that are connected to this program and so if you have a friend if your friend
has a friend then you definitely can share that link for them to register for that cruise
it is very affordable because you can make very little bite-sized payments you can you
can pay a hundred dollars here and a hundred dollars here and a hundred dollars here until
you get up to I think the cheapest cabin do double occupancy is like six hundred and something
dollars for the four four-day cruise just so you guys know that's not a night that is
for the entire cruise all right someone asked is it nine hundred fifty dollars a night no
it's not for that particular cabin you're like what are the different prices the different
prices are different types of cabins now if you don't find a partner someone to partner
up with same sex please friends okay if you don't find someone to be a roommate with on
the cruise ship then you're gonna have to have single occupancy that makes it a little
bit more expensive it's not that much more expensive but it definitely is more expensive
so find someone in the last year single group I'm sorry the last trip single group all of
you are in that group look on your app you should see it last trip single go in there
find someone to be a roommate with make sure you ask all the important questions like are
you a light sleeper do you snore are you a psychopath that I don't want to room with
no I'm just kidding um you know rooming with people is not that easy and I want to tell
you something if you've never been on a cruise those rooms are small it's like rooming with
someone in a closet okay just want to let you know and the different types of rooms
are their interior cabins so those don't have any windows I I know that sounds kind of claustrophobic
but it really isn't okay because the rooms are really bright light and decorated nice
and you're gonna spend very little time when you're on a cruise in the room you're not
going to be in there except to sleep and then there's ocean view which basically is just
a big round window and you can see out and then I don't know if we have any balconies
or not but a balcony would be you can actually go out that's overrated you guys because you
know why the ocean is there and it's super scary I think it is I'm like oh and I just
looked at the ocean thinking we're going really fast and if I fell off here for some reason
um I would be shark bait and that's not fun so um but yes so that is in January of 2026
that's gonna be so fun it's gonna be here before you know it so sign up for that we
also have a trip that is going to be announced really soon um for all of you ladies and that
is going to be a Mexico trip um we'll give you more information please do not email us
we will post all of the trips every time I say something on here my team's like oh no
a million people are going to email in because Jackie can't keep a secret just so you know
Jackie can't keep a secret she can't she cannot I mean if it's like your personal business
then yes but I mean like fun things like for instance Christmas presents I buy my family
Christmas presents and then I give them to them the same day usually I get home and I'm
like I bought you something for Christmas and they're like oh what is it I'm like well
I'm glad you asked because I wanted to tell you anyway and then I rush out the week before
trying to buy something to surprise them with because I've given them all their Christmas
presents so that's the kind of secret that Jackie can't keep and that is a good secret
all right so we do have some more trips coming up I am going to be in New Jersey in less
than two weeks
March 22nd, the day before my youngest daughter's 24th birthday, I am going to be in Jersey
at King of Kings Church.
The information is in every single resource.
All of you, because we have phase two in here.
Hi, phase two.
Put in the chat if you're in phase two, we want to see who you ladies are.
Just put up a thumbs up or a heart.
Just let us know.
All of you phase two love story accelerator folks, we want to see you.
But in the resource tab of your app phase two, phase three and men's group, uh, there
should be a registration for that conference.
It's not free, but it's also not expensive.
And we would love to see you there, there.
If you go to the event, right, you can see the itinerary.
There's going to be breakouts.
There's going to be like some sort of mixer.
There's all kinds of stuff that's going to happen.
And of course I'm going to be there.
And guess what?
David's going to be there, right?
And it's going to be a really good time.
We're going to have a really good time.
You are going to get shifted at that conference, prepare to be shifted, prepare to leave there
differently than you came.
I'm not sure if it's going to be live streamed or not.
I will find out about that.
The Austin singles conference.
I'm glad you asked.
So the problem with having a conference in Austin is we have re two really big, huge
events here.
Three.
If you count NASCAR, we have a formula one racetrack here, which is always having some
crazy big event.
And that causes a lot of people to come to Austin.
A lot of people come to Austin anyway, because we are the live music capital of the world.
Did you know that?
More live music happens in Austin, Texas than anywhere else in the world.
Live music.
I know you're like, I thought that was Nashville.
Nope.
It's Austin.
And so lots of people travel here all the time, lots of tourism.
But then we have the two biggest live music festivals in the world.
We have South by Southwest, which is going on right now, March 7th through the 15th.
And then we have Austin city limits, which happens in the fall.
And so that kind of messes us up because a week or so before the, before the festival
and a week after it's real congested here, the hotels are booked all the things.
And so that really makes it hard to have a conference in March or April.
And then also in the, in the fall in September or October.
And so really we're stuck with the summer.
And can I tell you something about the summer in Austin?
Right around May 1st ish, it becomes hotter than hell's front porch here.
It's not that fun.
It's really hot.
Triple digits for like four or five months.
And so that's what makes the planning of this situation hard.
I don't want to run into the holidays on the back end and also don't want you to come during
rainy season.
So we get all of our rain in the winter, December, January, February, and some of March.
And so this is why we kind of get stymied here, but I am working on a conference for
Austin.
It will be men and women.
It will be awesome.
We are hoping to, I actually have an appointment with a venue on Wednesday.
So Wednesday, Thursday, Thursday, I have an appointment with a venue and if it's green
light and thumbs up, I'll be able to make an announcement really soon about some dates.
Sound good?
But right now we have Cartagena that's already happening and that's closed.
We can't take any more registrations for that.
The cruise registration is open.
Get your roommate and get going and sign up for that.
We have a trip for Mexico that we're going to be announcing just so you know, you can
just kind of tab it and that it will be in June.
It's going to happen in June and it's only just a two hour flight from here, from Texas.
And for most people that live down here in the South, it's a really quick flight over.
See what else?
We have a singles conference that's up in Jersey.
So put that on your list as well.
And we're going to, we're coming up with some other ideas.
Okay.
Rabbit trail back to the beginning, join your single cities.
If you have the ambition to be the moderator of a single city in your area, email us, let
us know.
We'll interview you.
We'll meet with you.
We'll talk about, you know, your desire to do that and see if we think that that's a
great idea.
If we have enough people in that area that that could work, but please prioritize getting
together in person in your single cities.
Make sure that you join them.
All right, let's get started tonight's love seat.
We have five ladies that are ready to get in the love seat.
Are there any guys out there that want to jump in the love seat?
If you've never been to love seats, all of you phase two ladies, this is something we
do at least once a month.
Ask Jackie is coming back.
I know we keep.
saying that, but we've just had some technical issues of how to deliver it.
We just have, you know, issues on how to deliver ask Jackie with the app.
And so we've just been going back and forth and back and forth
on what that looks like.
Back when all of you had a Facebook page and we weren't on the app, it
was really easy to deliver ask Jackie.
I could live stream into two Facebook pages at the same time.
It was amazing.
We do not have that capability anymore with the app.
And so it's just really hard.
It's just really hard.
And so we're trying to figure that out.
So I definitely want to be doing ask Jackie for all of you phase
two and phase three ladies.
And, but until then, once a month, we have love seats.
And so for all you phase two, ladies love seats is where someone
jumps in the love seat and talks about what's going on in their life,
in their love life, in their heartwork, something, and they want feedback.
And I give them feedback.
So it's like one-on-one coaching, but in a group.
And so that's what we do.
And then guys, hopefully we're going to get down to a grab bag
of questions here at the end.
So, um, let me see if I have any team members that are here with me tonight.
Uh, I really don't.
Okay.
So I'm going to have you put in questions at the end where I can see them, because
if you put them up now, I'm going to miss them.
All right.
So let's go.
You guys ready?
Let's go.
All right.
Stephanie Carlson.
Are you here?
Yep.
I'm here.
Okay.
So here is the, here is, here are the rules.
You guys, uh, fight club, you know, fight club.
Here are the rules.
What happens at fight club?
We don't talk about what happens at fight club.
Okay.
All right.
So here are the rules for love seats.
You're like Jackie, that's a terrible movie.
Well, I wouldn't know because I didn't see it, but maybe you did.
I don't know.
I just know that that's the rule of fight club, that you don't talk about what
happens at fight club because why?
Because it was posted on social media.
That's why I know.
Um, but the rule for love seats is that you make it brief and powerful.
We don't need five years of backstory.
We just need a little tiny snippet of backstory and your question so
that we can get through these quick.
And so tonight y'all I'm going to give, I'm going to give myself
permission to cut anyone off.
Who's talking, who's giving too much backstory and hogging the love seat.
All right.
We can't do that.
There's a lot of people that want to ask questions.
And so we've got to get to as many people as possible.
All right.
So Stephanie is up and I'm assuming that this is you because
you're the only Stephanie here.
Is that you?
Yay.
All right.
Good to see you, Stephanie.
Go ahead and ask your question.
So the quick backstory in me is that when you said, um, I forget if it was on
Saturday night, supernatural Saturday or not, but you said, look at your past loves.
Right.
Look, go, go back and look at them and consider them.
And then we talked about full circle.
So I texted a guy that I have known for 10 years.
We've just been friends.
And I texted him and said, I wonder if you've ever thought about our encounters
because the first time he wasn't ready.
The second time I wasn't ready.
And then I said, do you ever wonder what if?
And he wrote back to me and said, yes, I do.
I do think about what if.
So we started texting.
We're talking once or twice a week on the phone.
And the reason I am here is because last week I wrote a question in the weekly
roll call and said, what is this intense feeling in my chest?
I just was kind of freaked out.
I'm like, I wouldn't say that I'm in love with this man, but it was something
that I have never felt before ever.
And it wasn't a physical thing.
It wasn't my heart.
Um, but it felt like
glad about that.
That's good.
So I don't, I'm that's what I put in.
So you're, so you're, you're, so you're feeling the fields, which is good.
You guys, here's the thing.
We want to feel the fields because when we feel the fields, that
means that we're not numbing out.
Right.
Some of you have no problem with feeling the fields.
You're a feeler.
And in fact, you have problem with feeling too many fields.
And then there's others of you, like Stephanie just said, I've
never felt this way before.
She's old enough to know better.
Okay.
She's not a, she's not a 20 something year old.
And so she's saying, I've never felt this way before.
What is this?
What that is is that's infatuation.
Okay.
And guess what?
It feels good.
It's excitement.
It's anticipation.
It's like, what is going to happen here?
And so many people, and it's good.
We want to have that.
Now, you guys, if you don't have that towards a connection, it doesn't mean
that the, that it can't become something, you know, Stephanie told us that her and
this guy had kind of been going back and forth for years, you know, she's ready.
He's not, he's ready.
She's not, they've just been kind of missing each other.
So.
They know each other.
This is not someone that she just met out of dating app a little, a little,
so they know each other.
So there's been enough excitement to think about the one that got away because
you know, she asked him a really important question. She said,
do you ever wonder what if, and then he said, yes.
And you know what, y'all? Ooh, that's sexy.
Knowing that someone has been wondering what if about you? I mean,
that's a high. Is that a dopamine high? I mean, it is for me.
I'm like, Whoa. And so that's the feeling that you're feeling.
And so what we want to do is we want to add substance to this feeling.
We like the feeling, but we're gonna add substance to it.
So now that he said yes to what,
if he's been thinking about it and you said, yes, what are we going to do next?
We've, we've been texting. We, and I finally said, I, I, we,
we need to talk on the phone. And then when I talked to him on the phone,
I said, it's really good to hear your voice.
And I've been very honest and very kind of vulnerable about,
I missed you. And in fact,
I'm so used to being on the phone with my kids and I'd say, love you. Bye.
And I almost said that to him. And I said, like you, bye,
which was kind of awkward, but I didn't want to say, I love you.
So it was just early for that.
No. Yeah. Way too early. How many,
how many times have you and this guy seen each other in person over the time
that you've known each other?
We used to live in the same city right now he lives in Bend, Oregon,
and I'm in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
So I have not seen him for probably four or five years.
He will be in town in May.
When you guys did live in the same place. What was the,
what was the context of your relationship?
Through a ministry school is where we met. Okay.
And we did
prophetic words together with four people and it was all ministry stuff.
And then when he went out a few times it, he,
he kind of asked a question that I did not know how to answer and I did not
answer it very well. And that was the question.
I don't remember the question. I remember the answer was, well,
I can't say that I love you. And that was a little too honest for him,
I think, but he kind of said that to me the first time we tried. So,
okay. So let me ask you a question.
You guys were at a ministry school together and you were on a prayer team
together. You ministered together. Yeah. Okay. Y'all let's talk about that.
All right. Let's talk about that. Because when you're in a charismatic,
especially spirit filled ministry school,
and you're on a ministry team with someone or you're on outreach team with
someone, anytime that you are like, you know being used by someone,
you are like, you know being used in the gifts of the spirit together.
And you're ministering to people and you're together and you're seeing people
get breakthrough. That actually creates a soul tie.
I know it's crazy, but it does. It creates a soul tie,
creates an emotional bond with that person.
When you're going deep into spiritual things and praying for each other and
praying for other people. And so that's why he felt like he loved you.
And that's why he wanted to know if you loved him back. Right.
Was because you guys were having these spiritual experiences together that made
you feel really close. Okay.
And so you couldn't say it and then he couldn't say it.
And now you guys are circling back around.
Now we do have a full circle word that God gave me at the beginning of the year
that's floating out there.
And in order for us to see if this is truly a God full circle,
you guys have to get in person. So,
and you have to really be honest with each other now. Neither one of you,
like what's the marital history here.
We've both been married and divorced.
I'm the one who was with another man. That's part of the reason I got divorced.
We talked about this way back in, in, in season one.
And we are, but we've both been single for 15 to 20
years.
Perfect. Okay. And he's not seeing anyone right now. No. And you're not either.
No, I've dated a couple people off and on. He dated one person a long time ago,
but he will be in town the middle of May for a teen challenge gala.
And he has invited me to that already.
So he works for teen challenge. He works with them sort of. Yeah.
Oh, I used to, I used to work with teen talent challenge too. Okay.
And so that's great ministry.
Did you notice Stephanie that you and I are matching like me and you? Yeah.
I was like, our colors go together. Your hair will be this color someday.
I don't, it might not. I think,
I think I'm going to keep dying it because it would already be that color.
If I let it be, believe it or not. Believe it or not. Okay. But yes,
we are matching and it's cute. Okay. So, um, okay. May is when he's coming.
Yes. There's, is there any way to see each other before then?
Probably not. Um, I need.
One of us have a lot of money.
So it's kind of a, I did, I have accidentally looked at it on the map
tonight because I was getting his address for his birthday card.
I accidentally looked at it on the map.
It's one, one day and two hours to his house.
So to bend one day in two hours.
Okay.
Here's my, here's my, my concern.
My concern is that you guys are already pretty connected, right?
There is this existing soul tie.
The reason why you guys have wondered what if about each other is because,
um, you're the context that you knew each other in before with
the ministry and everything.
It created intimacy.
All right.
It created spiritual and emotional intimacy.
And so was there ever any physical intimacy on top of that?
Holding hands, nothing long, long hugs.
Not really.
Okay.
All right.
So just spiritual and emotional intimacy was created.
Okay.
And that's why you guys couldn't really get each other off the mind.
And so we also had Phil Collins call us forward twice one weekend
as he was prophesying over people.
He called us forward together.
Cause he thought we were married.
Phil Collins.
Not my mate.
I was named wrong.
Phil Collins.
I I've got his first name wrong.
Anyway, he's a prophet who did a weekend.
Sorry.
Okay.
Well, you said Phil Collins.
I'm like, really?
Phil Collins prophesied.
Okay.
I'm not, not.
I don't know who's Phil Collins.
It was Collins is like a famous singer.
Like Phil Collins.
Wait a second.
Okay.
Bobby Connor.
Colin someone.
Colin is not a well-known name.
I think Collins might be a prophet called you forward to prophesy over you
because you were given off couple vibes.
All right.
So that's another, that's proof of what I'm saying, that you guys have this
intimate tie because you were giving off couple we're married vibes.
Okay.
Um, all right.
So because you guys have this, because you have it, um, it's going to be
easy to fall right back into this.
And my concern is that you're not seeing each other till May in person.
And there's a lot of logistical things.
Like he lives there.
You live where you live.
It doesn't sound like either one of you are really relocating right now.
Um, his kids live here.
Oh, good.
That's good.
That's in our benefit.
But I just don't want you to get too close before you guys have like just
some real practical conversations about, you know, where this can go.
And so you have permission, you guys, I want you to see here
that rules are meant to be broken.
Okay.
There's always exceptions to rules.
And with her situation, um, it's important that she goes ahead and has
some deeper conversations about intention and deeper conversations
about practical things, like, you know, um, cause why should
they even go down this road?
They know each other.
They have this intimate bond already.
Why should they even go down this road?
If it cannot end and then being together, why there's no sense in doing it.
And so, um, it's important that you go ahead and talk about like, well, do
you see yourself moving back here where your kids are, you know, like you
guys are, I'm assuming close to retirement age, what does that look like?
What does it look like for the two of you to try to be together?
Um, and the reason why I'm saying this is because they're not waiting.
You guys, it's long distance, but they're not waiting to see
if there's in-person chemistry.
They already know there is.
They used to know each other.
They went to school together.
Okay.
Ministry school.
And so they already know there's in-person chemistry.
So right now we have to decide, are we in it to win it?
Do we really want to try to make this work this time?
And what do those logistics look like?
All right.
Cool.
Yes.
Thank you.
Stephanie.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right.
Next up on the prizes, right?
You guys know that one of our, um, ladies here was on the prices, right?
And she won the showcase showdown.
Yes, she did is Jill.
Are you here?
Is she here?
I don't think she is, but she did.
True story.
Christine Lewis, Christine, where are you girl?
All right.
I found her.
Christine Lewis is next up.
Dang it.
You have the kind of thing that it doesn't let me spotlight you for some
people, it only lets me pin them.
And for other people, they can get spotlighted.
And I have no idea why that is.
The price is right.
Is real.
It's not scripted.
Pindus first screen.
Okay.
All right.
So, oh, you don't have your camera on.
Maybe if you turn your camera on, Christine, it'll let me spotlight you.
Go ahead and get your camera on girl.
If you want to be spotlighted, the whole premise of spotlight is video.
All right.
I'm going to come back to her.
All right.
Next up is.
Crystal Marie, are you here?
Cause I don't see you.
Yeah, I'm here.
I just don't have my Marie on there.
Okay.
Let me see.
Crystal, Crystal, Ohio.
Well, I see it.
All right, here we go.
All right.
Short, brief and powerful.
I think I probably already know your question, but let's go ahead
and say it for everyone else.
All right.
Um, so I posted a couple weeks ago, I think at this point, um, in
the group about how things are going with Cleveland teacher dad.
And was I not being patient enough?
And am I wrong for wanting someone to pursue me with intention?
Okay.
So let's stop there.
We're going to have, we have to tell people what they missed on Glee.
Okay.
Crystal met this guy and he was really pursuing her.
He's being very intentional and trying to win her heart.
And she wasn't ready for any of that.
She was being very avoidant.
Okay.
For all of you avoidant attachment style, girls and guys, she was okay.
So she was given him a little bit, but not a lot.
And then he fell off eventually.
All right.
So he did that for a while and then he disappeared and now he's reappeared.
He's reemerged and this time she feels in a better place.
She feels more ready for a relationship, not necessarily with him, but just in general.
Um, and so this time around, um, because of, you know, it not getting
anywhere the last time, um, it is not progressing at the speed that she
would like, and that's where she's stuck.
All right.
So go ahead and tell us rest.
Yeah.
So, um, so my biggest issue that I've had is that, um, dates,
there's not a follow through.
So I would just kind of give the quick down and dirty.
So, um, Valentine weekend, there was supposed to be plans forthcoming.
Uh, by Thursday there was nothing and it was like, just chill out,
just wait a little longer.
So I waited a little longer.
Friday came, Saturday came, no messaging, no nothing.
And then Saturday evening came.
Um, and he and I messaged text message back and forth.
Um, he wanted to do something the next day.
So I said, okay, that was fine.
Still trying to be patient, still trying to ride along with it.
Um, next day came, weather was kind of funky, um, was on my way to meet him.
And he said, let's just go ahead and reschedule.
Um, so I said, okay.
And again, still tried to just be really patient.
And I said, well, I'm going to go to the grocery store.
Would you like to do a video date since we can't meet since
the weather's a little bit crazy.
So I'm going to grab some things.
If you want to grab some things, we can just talk and eat
and just have some conversation.
So then I didn't hear anything from him for a couple hours after that.
Um, and then, um, was very honest with him later.
And I just asked, he had said that he had fallen asleep.
I said, okay.
And then he said, I asked what he was doing.
He said that he'd be, he'd be watching the basketball
all-star game or whatever.
So I honestly got passive aggressive and was like, I no
need to interrupt your game.
We can talk another day.
Um, and he's like, no, it's fine.
We can talk.
So I was honest.
I said, this is not a good time to talk.
I need to be in a different headspace to be able to have a
mature conversation about this.
Um, and I said, so please do not call.
Um, I'll, I'll reach out a little bit later and then we
can see where we're both at.
And so waited for a couple hours, kind of gathered myself,
gathered some thoughts, and then he and I did have a really open
conversation about like last second dates, asking me just to
wait and cancel plans with other people and then not following
through, like that's not going to work for me.
Um, he had shared some things that are, is going on in his life.
Um, I said, okay, well, how can I shift things?
How can I be supportive?
Um, he had his son that weekend and instead of him coming down
here, we're an hour and a half apart.
I had said, I will meet you because if I wait for you to
come here, we're losing an hour and a half of time.
If I come to you.
Okay.
So what happened at the end of this conversation?
Um, so he said, well, I would really like to try to get
things together.
Can we see each other next weekend?
And I said, sure.
So next weekend came and 11 o'clock Saturday morning came
and still nothing, heard nothing.
We texted about throughout the week and about 1130.
Finally, he said, I'm really sorry.
Here we are again, no plans.
I don't.
know what's going on with me. I said, I'm really sorry, I can't
answer that question for you. Have you spoken with your
pastor? Have you thought about speaking with someone else? Do
you have like mentors in your life? Because he does have some
stuff going on. Okay, so what's the answer to that? And he said,
Well, it's interesting you asked that because I have met with my
pastor the last couple of weeks, but I just don't know what's
going on with me. And so then he said, Do you want to do
something this evening? So he asked me to go for mini golf and
dinner. And again, I was like, there's no need to be ridiculous
about it. I still have six hours before we're meeting. So I said,
Yep, that's fine. Um, you know, let's not make it something
where you're driving all the way to me. So let's find a halfway
point.
Okay, so you guys went to mini golf and dinner. How'd that go?
Yeah, so that was okay. It was okay. It wasn't fun. It was
okay. Okay, it was okay. And then afterwards, what happened?
And so then afterwards, we went our separate ways. I'm kind of
chatted on and off throughout the week.
Let me ask you a question. Who else? Who else are you seeing or
dating or talking to?
A nobody right now.
Okay, that's your issue. Okay. So we know this guy from before.
You know, we know he's a nice guy. He's not a perfect guy. But
he is a nice guy. He's obviously going through something right
now in his life. Also, there was a lot of push and pull from you
the first time around. So he probably isn't trying to put all
his eggs in your basket. And he also obviously is going through
something with his son and raising his son and just doing
whatever. Okay, so he's over here. We know he's a nice guy.
But that's that right. So he's not really pursuing right now.
But we also know it doesn't really have anything to do with
you. It has to do with or I should say him liking you. But
it has to do with because we already know he likes you. He
liked you before he still likes you still attracted to you. So
wants to hang out with you at some level, but he's just not in
pocket. He is telling you I'm not in pocket something's I'm
going through something. So what we need to do with you is we
need you to be seeing other people. And this goes for
everyone out there. If it is not a serious relationship. And I
know that this goes against a lot of you that are Gen X and
boomer like, you know, the, the baby boomer generation, because
it's like, oh, dating is for mating, and you just date one
person at a time. And guys, those those days are over. Okay,
that is not how we do things. Now. We don't do that now. And
there's a good reason why we don't do that now. And that's
because we're meeting strangers on dating apps, we have no idea
whether or not they are going to be people that we want to, you
know, see, you know, more and more, you know, we have no idea,
we're just getting to know them. And there isn't any reason to
lock ourselves down for that. Okay? It doesn't make you
immoral to date more than one person at a time. Now, if you're
making out with every single person that you're going out
with, then yeah, that's a whole different story. But these dates
should be dates that are just get to know you dates. These are
low stakes dates. Okay, crystals known this guy for a while in
this relationship has never really turned romantic. Hasn't.
Right. So it's okay for her to date other people, even though
she knew him, you know, she's known him for a while, they kind
of dated before. Now they're sort of dating again. This has
not become a romantic relationship. There's no making
out there's no kissing. There's none of that going on here. So
he, you know, I doubt he would expect you to just give him your
whole dance card. It's it's time for you and crystal disappear.
I've no idea where she went. Oh, there she is. Or maybe she's
not. Um, she Crystal, are you there?
Yeah, I'm here. I had to switch it over to my phone.
Like, no problem. Okay. So we will not think about what's
going on with him. As much as we are. If we have other other
guys that we're talking to. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah,
let that unfold. We're not worried about whether he's
pursuing or not pursuing. If he asks you out, I'm saying us like
it's me and you, if he asks us out, if he asks us out, and
we're free, we don't happen to have plans, then we can make a
decision on whether or not we want to go. Right? Yeah. That's
really just what you need to do in the season. I don't feel like
you need to boot him off your roster. Okay. I don't because I
he does have a lot of potential, but at the same time, he's in
some kind of flaky season right now. Now, if we didn't know him
at all, you guys, this is this is advice for Crystal. Okay. Not
necessarily for you and your situation, meaning that it's
customized to her situation because we know teacher day.
at from Cleveland.
Right.
He is a known entity.
And so, but if this was a brand new guy
that she just started talking to
that was flaking out like this and, you know,
watching the game and not wanting to, you know,
FaceTime with her and all the things, then no, bye.
Boy, bye.
All right.
Yeah.
And guys, same thing for you guys.
Bye, Felicia.
Done.
Okay.
All right.
We need you to get out there.
You're single and ready to mingle.
Your heart is open.
You are ready.
And so we need you to get out there
and meet some new people.
Spring is coming.
Soccer is coming.
She's a sporty girl.
All the different things.
Let's see.
Let's see who we can meet.
And if Cleveland teacher dad rises to the occasion,
he gets his stuff straightened out
and he wants to start, you know,
showing up at a, you know, at a different level,
then great.
Cool.
Fair.
Good.
All right.
So her advice is she needs to go ahead and get out there
and see more people.
All right.
I think I'm the only person spotlighted right now.
So let me remove my spotlight.
Is Crystal still spotlighted?
Okay.
All right.
All right, Crystal, thanks for coming and sharing.
We appreciate that.
You guys, we will totally obsess about what someone is
or isn't doing if they're the only person on the roster.
Okay.
You're putting all your eggs, so to speak, in that basket.
You don't want to do that until someone gives you a reason
to do that.
Guys, that goes for you as well.
I know we used to call men that date more than one woman
at a time players, but that does not apply here
because if a woman is not giving you the time of day,
yeah, maybe you like her.
Maybe you want to pursue her, but she's not allowing you to.
She's not.
Crystal's first go around with Cleveland teacher dad,
she wouldn't let him pursue.
She was shutting him down.
And then she was opening the door a little bit,
a little crack.
You know, she was being avoided and she knows it,
but she's come a long way since then.
And now she's ready, but guess what?
He knows that version of her.
And so that might be another reason why he's kind of not
trying to, you know, go full throttle.
Although it really just sounds like this is just something
he's going through and something that he's dealing
with right now.
I don't really think it has anything to do with you,
Crystal, but guys, if you really like a girl
and she's giving you reason to hope, but you know,
she's just kind of back and forth, hot and cold,
in and out, don't give her all your attention.
All right.
In fact, that might be all she wants is attention.
And as long as you give her that attention,
she's just going to keep stringing you along.
But if you make yourself a little scarce,
and this is not, listen, this is not playing head games,
but this is human psychology.
If you make yourself a little bit scarce,
then it's a possibility that she's going to see your value.
You might want to just disappear for a little while
and show back up out of the friend zone.
You hear me?
If you find yourself getting friend zoned,
it's probably because you are, you know,
allowing someone to kind of take advantage
of your good nature because they know that you like them.
They're not giving you what you want
as far as a relationship,
but they also like to have you around
because everyone likes to have someone around
that really thinks they're great.
It's like kind of a little ego boost for them, right?
So instead of staying in the friend zone,
just go ahead and drop out, just drop out, whoop, disappear.
And then when you show back up, if you show back up, okay,
but when you show back up, you know,
show back up with a different kind of energy.
A lot of guys, you will find yourself in the friend zone
because you try to come in through the friend door.
Now, I'm not against men and women being friends,
and I think that you should marry your best friend,
but sometimes romance has to come before friendship.
It just does.
You have to make it very clear to this woman
that you are interested in her beyond friendship,
from the get-go, from the jump, from the jump ball, okay?
If you try just to kind of be buddy-buddy
and just be real friendly and just kind of nonchalant
and all those things.
Now, back in the olden days,
1980s. You know what happened? Boy met girl. I know the olden days of 1980s.
I'm just trying to be funny. Let's just do the nineties.
That's when I was a teenager. If a guy liked you, he came up to you at the mall.
Okay. Or at the movie theater or at the roller rink,
ice skating rink, he came up to you and he said, Hey,
do you want to go on a date?
He didn't just, he didn't come over to you and say, Oh, Hey, nice skates.
You know, that's cool. You know? Oh, you're friends. Oh,
you guys care if I hang out? Oh, I'm going to hang out.
Oh, all right. Well, you know, cool. You know, maybe, you know,
we'll see you again sometime. No,
that's not what he did. He just went right in for the kill.
Do you want to go on a date? And then she'd say, yeah,
do you want to go on a date? And then she'd say yes or no.
I did actually say yes to a guy.
I met them all to go on a date to the movies and he ended up being really weird.
And I excused myself and went to the bathroom during like the first 20 minutes
of the movie. And I walked home.
I left the movie theater and walked home. Yeah. So that happens too,
but things were easier back then because people made their intentions clear.
Now there might not be a romantic connection after the date.
Please hear what I'm saying,
but at least the intention before the date was,
Hey, I want to take you on a date.
I want to see if there's a romantic connection. That is what you're saying.
And if there isn't a romantic connection, no harm, no foul.
No one's getting their heart broken guys. Don't bring flowers on first dates.
Okay. Don't bring candy.
Don't take women to expensive steak dinners where it's a hundred dollars a
person. That's too much pressure for you and for them.
It's okay for you to be intentional that this is a date.
This is basically a audition for romance for both of you.
Like, are we going to have that kind of connection?
And you don't even have to feel it after the first time you can make a decision
that if you enjoy this person's company at any level that you're going to have
a second date and maybe a third date, you're going to give it a chance to grow.
You guys, we don't fall in love. I want to let you know that.
That is something that was made up in the movies. It is not real.
We do not fall in love.
Stephanie is feeling strong infatuation for someone who she knows and that
she's excited about.
And they're flirting back and forth in the way of like,
I've been thinking about you. I miss you guys. That's exciting.
That's exciting to your nervous system.
All right. That's what we call infatuation. Infatuation cannot be,
it cannot be sustained. If there's not some other kind of substance,
substance in the relationship underneath that. So we don't fall in love.
We grow in love. We grow in love.
Now you might have visceral attraction to someone from day one, from the,
from the first moment, but it doesn't mean that you're going to sustain that.
It just means that at the beginning, there's some kind of chemistry.
There's some kind of unseen
track or beam pulling y'all together.
And that can be a bad thing as much as it could be a good thing. All right.
And so let's make sure that we're not going off just visceral,
physical, romantic attraction. But guys,
if you don't want to be put in the friend zone, then don't put yourself there.
If I was a guy,
I would much rather a woman say no to me asking her on a date than me trying to
hang around her and trying to, you know,
grow on her enough to ask her on a date and then have her say no,
just get rejected right from the jump. Just do it.
Thank you. Next. Seriously.
Now I don't suggest that you thank you next to all the women in the world.
I don't suggest that you thank you next to all the women in your own church,
because you're going to get a reputation.
You might want to go fishing in a different fishing hole and then asking out
every single woman in your fellowship.
And this is why I'm not really a big fan of people trying to find someone to
date within their church. You don't want to be that. If you're a guy,
especially you don't want to be that creepy person,
but if you're getting to know a woman in community and you think that she's
really amazing and you want to ask her on a date, don't be afraid to do that.
If she says no, that's okay,
but definitely don't go in bed and ask her roommate or her best friend.
Cause I actually have a love story.
I have a love story where the girl thought she was going to marry a guy who she
was praying. And she felt like God said, your husband's name is Travis.
Let's just say the word, the name Travis. Okay.
I shouldn't say a love story.
What's kind of a love story, but it's also kind of a tragedy.
Raise your hand.
If you think that, you know, the name of your spirit mate, put it in the hat and put it
in the chat right now, not their name, but just raise your hand in the chat.
If you think that God told you the name of your person.
All right.
So this happens to people.
She thought that God told her the name of this person and she was going to stay single
until she met this mysterious spirit mate.
And so never met anyone by that name, never met anyone by that name, never met anyone
by that name.
And about six years in y'all.
Okay.
And she's of dating and marriaging a marriage age this whole time, about six years in, guess
what?
A handsome, good looking drummer.
Always be aware of the drummers y'all, um, showed up at her church and that guess what
his name was?
Travis.
They was Travis guys.
I have changed all the names here to protect the most guilty people in the world.
All right.
So this is what's happened.
And she's like, Oh my God, this is him.
And guess what?
He asked her on a date.
What?
Come on.
This is incredible.
And I'm not saying God can't tell you the name of your spirit mate.
I'm just saying it's unlikely.
It's unlikely.
All right.
And so they go on a date and then guess what?
After that date, he doesn't ask her out anymore, but guess who he does ask out her roommate.
Guess who he's married to now?
Her roommate.
All right.
What's the moral of this story?
Dating people at church can be dangerous, but also it can be great, but you don't have
to meet your spirit mate at church.
And if you think that you already know who they are from afar and you're just waiting
for them to notice you and to finally realize that you're the one, please stop doing that.
That is not going to happen.
It isn't going to happen.
It's not, it isn't.
Okay.
But I had a dream about them, Jackie.
Well, yeah, you did have a dream and they were in it, but that's not what the dream
meant.
It's not, I promise you, I promise you 10 out of 10 times, people come to me with that
kind of scenario.
That is not their person, 10 out of 10, right?
So I really want you to let that go.
Let it go.
Fully.
Let it go.
If you've got to switch churches so that you can get over it and move on with your life,
do it.
If you've gone to that church and that person knows you and they've seen you year after
year after year, and they have not expressed any romantic interest in you, it's because
they are not romantically interested in you.
And they're not going to just get up from a prayer time one day and just look across
the room.
And all of a sudden God's just like, there's your wife.
Go get her.
Nope.
That's not my wife.
That's not, that's Sally Jo.
And I don't like Sally Jo.
All right, seriously, please.
You guys, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that was for a someone and probably more
than one someone.
God is reading your mail tonight because he wants you to get unstuck.
Okay.
Doesn't even have to be a church.
It could be at work anywhere.
This person already knows you.
They're not interested in you.
You have to let them go.
Let 2025 be the year that you break up with this fantasy that you have, that you think
is from the Lord.
Let this be the time that you let go of it so that God can fill that space with a real
person that wants you please, Nora, you're up.
I just don't, don't want you to be miserable anymore.
Okay.
We have the red connection going on tonight.
We do have the right connection.
Okay.
True story about Nora.
Laura's like, what, wait, what are we doing?
Okay.
So when Nora first came in, there was a guy who also happened to be a client of mine,
a more private client, and she was at a church service and a famous preacher was there that
likes to say, squeeze the hand of the person beside you.
You know, if you're single and you want to date, you want to go on a date with them.
And this guy who happened to be my client and Nora was my student in this program, squeezed
her hand.
They didn't know that they knew, they didn't know, they didn't know that they both knew
me or anything like that, but she happened to tell me about it.
And when she told me about it, I'm like, Oh, I know that guy, you know, he's my private
client anywhere.
Anyway, here's the moral of the story, the moral of the story is she did not want to
squeeze his hand back.
She did not want to go on a date.
It wasn't the right match fit for her.
She wasn't interested.
And that guy is getting married this month on the 27th.
So there's someone for everyone.
So what is that telling you?
What's telling you is that guys, if you get rejected, guess what?
He's marrying someone and he's marrying someone from this community.
Okay.
From my challenge community.
And she's beautiful.
Just like Nora.
She's beautiful and she's amazing.
And he's super happy and excited.
And so don't be afraid to be rejected.
You have to be.
to be rejected in order to find the person that is going to accept you and love you.
Rejections.
Okay.
All right.
Nora, what do you got?
Good times.
I forgot about that.
Thank you for reminding me of that.
I didn't know if you knew that he was getting married this month.
I did.
Yeah.
You told me.
Yay.
Marriage.
Okay.
Um, so, all right.
So my thing is, um, so I just went on a third date with the guy, the Iranian guy.
We did eat Persian food.
It was a really good date.
And so I'm in this place where I don't get to very often where, you know, I've gone past
a couple of dates and I'm actually like excited.
Um, and you know, there, there were a lot of good things.
Like we ended up being at dinner for like three hours and closing the place down and
just, it was like a really good conversation.
I felt really seen.
I felt like he's just has really good character.
Um, but I find myself getting into like anxious attachment style more than I'm used to.
And so I just wanted to see if you had like how to deal with that.
Um, you know, like afterwards he sent me a voice message was just like, I really loved
seeing you.
I can't wait to see you again.
And he was traveling, um, over the weekend and he sent me like a couple of texts, but
I haven't heard from him too much, but I already feel myself getting kind of like hypervigilant.
Like, Oh, like I sent him a message over 24 hours ago and I haven't heard back.
Like, is he like, is he not actually as interested in me as I am in him?
I don't like feeling that way.
Um, and I don't have a lot of capacity to date.
Like a lot of different people.
Like, you know, he lives in San Jose.
There's a lot of guys that are like really spread out over the Bay.
Like I can't like with all these other things, like, Hey, can you remind me, is he a believer?
He is a believer.
Yeah.
He's um, he, he's, he's from Iran and he is like, he was grew up in the Assyrian church,
but he just started going to like a Presbyterian church, but we haven't like gotten too much
into faith stuff, but he does love God.
Okay.
All right.
So let's talk about anxious attachment and early dating.
Can we do that?
All right.
So you guys, it doesn't make you a bad person to be an anxious attacher.
All that it means is that you have to be really self-aware.
Okay.
So to the avoidance, they have to be self-aware too, but anxious, you have to be really self-aware
because you can get a little crazy.
All right.
You can get a little clingy.
You can get, you can misread signals.
You can, you know, freak yourself out.
You can tell yourself all kinds of disconnection stories, right.
Which then makes you act crazy.
Like, Oh, I thought you liked me or, you know, you know, just passive aggressive.
And so we don't want to do that because we've only been on one date and it was fun and we
ate Persian food and it was wonderful.
And he has communicated with you since then and did after the date, did he, was he like,
let's do it again?
Yeah.
He said, let's do it again.
I mean, he didn't say like when we were kind of like, okay, maybe Saturday.
So that was our third date.
And so, yeah.
Okay.
Three, three dates.
He likes you.
He's having fun with you.
He's been on three dates with you.
He's talking to you in between dates.
It doesn't matter if it's enough or not.
And then you guys, and you said he was traveling, right?
Yeah.
But he got back yesterday.
Okay.
He's traveling and you texted him and you didn't hear back from him for 24 hours and
you still haven't heard back from him.
Yeah.
You haven't.
I have not heard back from him.
Okay.
So you texted him and it's been over 24 hours since he responded.
Okay.
And what was the last text message?
He was just saying like, Hey, have you had a good weekend?
Like I'm driving up and I was just like, hearted it was just like, Oh, I hope you have a safe
drive.
So it wasn't like anything of substance, but normally like in the past, like he would have
set up the next day on like Monday.
And I'm like, it's Tuesday.
Like, okay.
So are you telling me that the last sex message you sent him was, I hope you have a safe drive.
Yeah.
And what's there to respond to that?
Well, nothing, but I guess, um, I guess I'm just, I'm very hypervigilant to like, Oh,
before like he would respond, like respond to me and then, uh, set up the next date.
And I think, yeah.
Well, he just got back from traveling and he's tired.
You know what I do the day after I travel, I turn into a, a literally, a literal, literal
potato potato.
Okay.
And like, like objectively, I know you're right.
And like, I'm getting in my head.
And I guess my question is like, how do I manage from going into that like anxious place?
Even if like, okay.
I have to get to the root of the anxious place.
Why are you not the prize?
I don't know.
Why that's the, that's the biggest question for all of you ladies that are anxious attachers.
Why are you not the prize?
Why is he the prize?
Cause he's so fine.
I don't know.
You're the prize.
The Bible says that you're the prize.
Yeah.
Bible says that you're the prize.
Okay.
So if a man finds a good thing, he obtains favor from the Lord.
You're the prize.
Okay.
So ladies, no offense to you gentlemen, cause you're looking for your prize.
Okay.
And you're amazing.
You're you're men of God and incredible.
And we love you and we love the divine masculine, but women.
You are the prize, okay?
And if you do not believe that about yourself,
then you are gonna constantly be trying
to jump through hoops and scale walls
and prove to the man that he should choose.
You're gonna be what I call pick me girls.
And nobody hates a pick me girl more than me, all right?
Because they suck all the oxygen out of the room
and she's not to that level.
She's not being a pick me girl.
The pick me girls are the ones
that will just do anything for love.
They'll say anything, they'll do anything, all right?
It's just so painful to watch.
And so we do not want to be that, we're not.
And so Nora right now, what Nora is,
is Nora is someone who just really has not fully discovered
that she's amazing, okay?
That men wanna squeeze her hand in church services
and take her on a date, right?
That she's incredible.
And this guy thinks that she's great.
Now, if you would have said to me
that the last text message that you sent him was like,
hey, do you wanna go so-and-so on such and such a day,
blah, blah, blah, you know, a question asking text message.
And then he left you on read for over 24 hours.
But it literally was him saying,
you know, I hope you had a great weekend.
And you saying, I hope you have a safe drive home.
There's no question there.
There's no reason for him to respond to that right now.
Okay.
I guess the thing that's going on with me is like,
like he's someone that I'm excited about.
And so I guess I'm getting into this mindset of like,
he's my only option, even though I know like,
that's not true.
I mean-
Okay, so what are you supposed to do when that happens?
I mean, there's other guys I could talk to,
but it's just like, I'm not excited about them.
Okay, you don't have to be excited,
but you do need a distraction.
Okay, okay.
Okay, because otherwise, you know what you're gonna do?
This is you.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And then you're gonna throw it across the room
and you're gonna go get it.
And then you're gonna like look at it.
You're gonna turn on the, you're gonna turn it off.
And I'm like, I'm over it.
And you're gonna put it under the thing.
And then you're like, you're gonna hear a ding.
You're gonna be like, no, no, no, no, no.
And then when you do actually see him in person,
you're gonna have that energy with you, right?
And then hopefully he's a secure attacher.
But if he's not a secure attacher,
then he's gonna, he's gonna smell that energy.
And then he's gonna be like,
oh, whoa, you're putting way too much emphasis
on this already, right?
And so it's like, it's only three days.
Let's just have fun.
Yeah.
Okay, I want you to repeat after me.
Okay.
Ready?
What's his name?
Nahira.
Oh, shoot.
Let's just call him.
You can call him Scott.
That was his hinge name.
And then he told me that he has a.
Okay, that makes it a lot easier.
Scott.
All right.
So I want you to repeat after me.
If Scott is not my spirit mate.
Then whoever is my spirit mate.
Whoever is my spirit mate.
Is looking for me.
And I'm gonna like them even better.
I'm gonna like them even better.
Yeah.
So it's a win-win.
Okay, okay.
No, say that.
It's a win-win.
So if Scott is not my spirit mate,
then my spirit mate is looking for me.
And I'm actually gonna like them even better
than I like Scott.
So it's a win-win.
Guys, you have to remind yourself of that.
Yeah.
You have to.
You're not gonna miss out on your spirit mate
by sending an anxious attachment text.
You're not.
Because you know what?
If they're your person,
they're going to really just like you for you.
And they're gonna like you right where you are right now
in your growth process.
Yeah.
Okay.
All you're doing though,
is just making yourself sick in the meantime.
Yeah.
You see what I'm saying?
Like it all works out.
If Scott's the spirit mate, it all works out.
He's gonna think that you're quirky and fun
and he's gonna think that you're funny for being anxious
and it's gonna be cute.
Oh, cute.
No, I'm just saying.
Yeah.
You guys, if you knew the stuff
that David Dorman literally waded through
to pick me as his bride,
you guys would be like,
Jackie knows what she's talking about.
I mean, most men would have run screaming
from that situation,
but he didn't because he saw the gold in me.
He knew that I was just broken.
By the way, my pastor,
cause you know, I just come through my pastor,
stealing all the money and going to prison.
And that's why I was having a nervous breakdown
when David met me.
But I want to say that
on the front page of the newspaper here,
18 years later is my pastor going back to prison
because well, if he loses his appeal with the Supreme Court
going back to prison,
and I'm just like, dear Jesus.
So you guys,
you might not meet someone in a perfect season
and they might not be the best version of themselves.
But if they're your spirit mate,
if you're their spirit mate,
you're going to see them through God's eyes.
You're going to know them after the spirit
and not the flesh.
I want you to start praying that before you go on dates, God, show me this
person, you know, after the spirit and not the flesh, show me this person.
Show me this person, the way you see this person.
Okay.
Because they might, I mean, David was going through bankruptcy.
He had just gone through a divorce.
I was going through this nervous breakdown associated with losing
my entire spiritual family.
I was single mommying it.
I, you know, I was working two jobs.
I mean, there was just crazy circumstances around our lives then.
All right.
So let me Nora, it's always a pleasure and, um, do whatever you
need to do to distract yourself.
Chat with some people that you're not that excited about.
Um, continue to tell yourself if Scott's not my spirit mate, then I'm going to,
you know, my spirit mate's going to find me, he's looking for me.
I'm not hiding.
So he's going to find me and, um, and I'm going to like him even more than I like Scott.
Okay.
Thank you, Jackie.
But I will tell you that I'm so excited that you actually really like someone
to feel like you don't like people a lot.
Yeah, I know.
And so that's what makes this really special.
And you know, it's either the guy before the guy, or, you know, that's opening
you up and getting you to understand that you, there's people that you actually
really can have some feelings for, or it's him and it's just going to
unfold and it's going to be great.
Yeah.
I think a lot, I have peace for the most part, but then sometimes I freak out.
So, okay.
But when you start to freak out, post in the group, do not text him.
I will.
Oh, no, I won't do that.
Okay.
You guys, that's what your groups are for.
So when you start to, to want to like do something crazy and say
something crazy to someone, just say it to us, we love you.
And you're crazy when you're, when you're in your crazy, we love you.
And we're going to help you.
We're going to talk you down off the wall and keep you from doing
something that you're going to it's once again, it's not going to ruin the
opportunity, but you might feel embarrassed by it.
So post to us, talk to us in your group, your coaches, your peer coaches,
instead of posting to them or don't.
And please, for the love of God and all that is Holy, do not post on Facebook.
Don't post some passive aggressive, sad, sacky thing on pay on Facebook.
You guys just post in our private group.
You know, they haven't texted back in 24 hours and you post
on your public Facebook page.
Oh, love sucks.
My life, you know, always a bridesmaid.
Never that bride don't ever do that.
Okay.
You guys know who you are.
You do it.
Stop doing that.
You can, however, show up like that in our private groups.
That way you can get some comfort.
You can get some love and you're not going to be embarrassed.
You know, that you posted that on your public Facebook page.
Just so you guys know, anxious attachers do stuff like that.
It's like a cry for help.
It's like you putting it out in the public and hoping that that person's
going to see it and be like, Oh, I forgot to text them back.
You know?
No, that's not what's going to happen.
They're going to see it and they're going to be like, Oh, bullet dodged.
Okay.
Um, who's next?
I mean, heartbreak or, you know, just, I mean, before I met Jesus, the way
that I would deal with, with, uh, you know, someone rejecting me is a
bar, a box of wine, not a bottle.
Do you remember they used to make boxes of wine, box of wine, a box of wine
and Dave Matthews, you know, on repeat crash into, okay, this is before Jesus.
Okay.
This is before Jesus, but I'm just saying, um, nowadays what people do is they do
that, they do a box of wine, but then they post on Facebook, that's not a good
combination, a box of wine and Facebook.
There should be a breathalyzer on your social media where
you have to breathe into it.
And if you have had too much wine, you're not allowed to post.
It does not unlock.
You're not allowed to post.
Okay.
And for those of you that are like, oh my God, alcohol is wrong.
You guys are all going to hell.
Okay.
Because it's not, and I don't even drink anymore.
So there you go.
All right.
Doo doo doo doo doo.
Who's next live and let live y'all live and let live.
If you're offended, go listen to my supernatural Saturday about offense.
Lindsay Richards.
You're up.
Hello, Lindsay and I go way back.
It's so great.
All right.
Lindsay's actually made my best friend, her best friend.
And so we must be best friends by proxy now.
Well, I, we are both teachers and we're both single and you helped us both.
So we have some comments.
ground there. So okay, I love it. Okay, so here is I'm going
to try to keep it like really short. But um, I know you know
that I've been dating a guy and that he sent me flowers for
Valentine's Day. So it's been over two months. And it's
definitely been a big stretch out of my comfort zone. But it
is one of the most healthy like it's been like a really good
situation. So one thing is that I feel like at this point in, I
I feel bad because he likes me more than I like him. And I
don't know if I'm just like being avoidant. And I'm really
been feeling like I'm going to be leaving my teaching job. And
I posted about that in the group. So I feel God really
transitioning me. And but basically, this guy, it's been
over two months. And three years ago, he was in a car
accident for and he was driving drunk and he was in rehab. And
I do think like, as I've gotten to know him that he is very
serious about his sobriety, it did bring him back to God. He's
not like really in the same place I am. But I think he's
trying. But a lot of times it's feeling like he's trying to be
good because he wants to make me happy, like, watching his
language. And like, there's been some inappropriate jokes. And
then I like say,
is he handicapped at all from his accident?
No, he broke his nose. But he's basically been it's had had him
like completely start over. So he's got like a kind of an
entry level job at Ohio State, which is awesome. And he's
getting his master's. But he works all the time. He's very
focused on trying to make up for this time.
What do you what do you like about him?
I do. I like that he's motivated to turn his life around. I do
think he's like a really hard worker. And when I first met
with him, like, you know, he's like a social person, like, and
I don't always date people like that. I usually date like kind
of more like nerdy, like, computer guys. And he's very
like, bubbly, like talkative. And so that like made it easier
for me. And he's very giving like, he's every day. He's
always giving me stuff. And I'm the first person he's dated
because I don't really drink either. That's sober. So we did
like an escape room putt putt. Like we've done like a lot of
that.
So what I have down so far is he's a hard worker. He's getting
his master's degree, which is great. He's a giving and
generous person. You have in common that you're not really
partiers. You like that he's outgoing and a conversationalist
and cares. I'm assuming charming at some level like charismatic.
Okay, so these are some good things. What else you like about
him?
I mean, I think he has a good heart. Like I think that he I
don't think I think that he's someone who's on his own. And he
knows that God saved his life in the car accident. And so I think
he recognizes that faith is important. But like one of the
first conversations we had, he said, like, he wants to be with
someone that has faith, but he doesn't care like what it is.
And I was like, Well, I have to be with someone that believes
like, Jesus is the Son of God. And that that is the only
choice. So I think he has like, you know, I'm saying like, he
has an understanding that there's more to life than just
here. But he, he is more like, as long as he goes to mass, like
checks it off the list, sort of.
Okay, so he's Catholic. Okay. All right. So he's Catholic. So
you feel like you don't feel like you know, that you're more
spiritually, I don't even want to say mature. You know, that
you're more spiritually knowledgeable than he is.
Yeah. And I've just walked the faith a lot longer than he has.
I don't think it's necessarily do with the denomination. It's
just our lifestyle.
Kind of does. I mean, because, you know, the, the Catholics for
the most part, don't encourage, you know, like in Christian
church, you know, most people know to read their Bible on
their own and develop their own personal relationship with the
Lord. And the the Catholic model, okay, is more of like a
Moses model where the priest, you know, is the one that's, you
know, anointed, they're hearing from the Lord, you know, they're
kind of a mediator, so to speak. And there isn't a lot of
encouragement for personal relationship. I know this
because I used to go to Catholic school for all my grade school
years. Okay. So in my, my father, my, my, my mom's husband,
my stepdad, or my bonus dad, also Catholic and his whole
family, devout Catholic. So can there be
charismatic Catholics, can there be Catholics that just decide that, you
know, they're going to read the Bible and they're going to develop a relationship
with Jesus and, you know, are there even, uh, Catholics that are spirit filled and
they, you know, they continue to go to mass.
It doesn't mean that they switched to a Protestant church.
They're still Catholic.
Yeah.
There's a lot of those people.
It doesn't sound like he's one of them yet.
So, and it is causing a little bit of a friction because it's hard to explain
when you're this far in, like how my faith affects so many areas and like,
I tried to tell him about like this group or like, Oh, I have a zoom tonight.
And it's just okay.
Like good for you kind of thing.
Like he doesn't really want more of a community.
I know.
But have you talked to him about now that you're two months in, have you said,
Hey, you know, I really need to be in a romantic relationship with someone
who I could see myself marrying.
Um, you know, at your age, you know, you want to have a family, all the things,
you're dating is for mating at your age.
And so you're like, Hey, you know, I.
You know, do you see yourself, you know, pursuing faith?
Does that something that you're interested in?
Do you want to grow in this, you know, in this area of your life, or
you just can kind of content to be where you are because you can just
let him know that you are going to continue to grow in this area and
pursue this area and, you know, you're not going to, you're not going to be
with someone who doesn't want to do that.
Yeah, we have had some of that conversation for sure.
And he, that's where sometimes I feel like he's saying stuff because he likes
me and I'm the first person he's dated that doesn't drink and like, I think
that he doesn't have like hardly any friends because he's sober now.
And so I'm feeling like he's just trying to do what I want to do.
It could be that, or it also could be that, you know, what you're saying
sounds interesting to him, but he doesn't know how to do it because you
have to understand that just because people want to do something doesn't
mean they'll know how to do something.
Okay.
You've had the benefit to be part of this community and other communities
where, you know, you've been nurtured and your relationship with God has grown.
He hasn't, he hasn't received.
Yeah.
And so, um, does he go to church with you?
No, he goes to, he, he, he's gone to mass more now that like we've started
dating, cause he knows I go, so he's going to mass is not going to be, that's
not going to be the bridge for you guys.
So which church are you going to right now?
I've been still going to rock city, but that kind of was awkward
cause he made fun of it one day.
And then I had to tell him like, that's where I went.
What did he, what did he say about it?
Well, somebody had come up to him at the gym and they had started telling
them that he would, that they were a believer again.
And I was like, Oh, like, that's so cool.
But he was kind of like, yeah, but I have faith.
I didn't need to hear about it.
And I was like, well, did they say what church they went to?
And I was just curious.
And he was like, Oh, probably one of those, whatever.
I forget what he said, but one of those ones like rock city or this other
one that's well known in Columbus.
And then when I said, well, I, it took me a second cause I was embarrassed.
And then the next day I like followed up and was like, Hey, you know, I just,
you know, I go to church, but like, you've never, we haven't
really talked about where I go.
And so I told him and then he was just like, Oh, whatever.
He's like, it's fine.
I make fun of the Catholic church too.
Okay.
Are you, is this a romantic relationship?
So it, it's like very minimal, but yes.
And that's part of the problem is I don't feel like the, so we saw each
other last Thursday and like, I know that I should have been flirty and
I should have been like, you know, like touched his arm or something.
And I just, I didn't want to touch him.
And I just gave him like a really quick, like kiss before I left.
Like, you know, like my really, why don't you want to touch him?
Well, this is like a thing that's been like issues in the past.
Like, I know, like, you know, like a little, I, I don't know.
I told him on the second, on the first date, like I was just upfront and I
said, Hey, like, uh, just, you know, like, I just don't really like kiss
anybody on the first date or whatever.
And because like, I, we've talked about this before that everyone always
tries to like move in and I can't stand it.
And so then, um, he's like very patient.
And then after Valentine's day about like, that was what, like
five or six weeks in, like, of course he, or I, he kissed me.
And like, I never feel attracted right away, but like kind of on the dates
and like, okay, like I can kind of talk myself into being okay with it.
And then like two weeks ago, I just like could tell that he's starting to
think that we're like a.
a dating relationship.
Like he's like, in his mind and the way he talks,
he just is like a dude that just checks things off his list
and I check off his list.
And so, and I think that, and he's took a promotion,
he's so focused with his job that I think in his mind,
like if I would just, he's not pushing me for anything,
but he doesn't understand why like,
I wouldn't want to just come over and hang out in his house
late at night or like whatever,
because he doesn't have the time and space during the week
for us to really date.
And so I felt that shit, sorry.
So here's the thing you guys,
I put this on my Instagram, go check it out,
but I put a post up yesterday
and I got a little bit of flack for it,
but it just basically says that
if he's not surrendered to you,
I'm sorry, if he's not surrendered to God,
he cannot be committed to you.
All right, that's just the truth.
All right, and you know,
I got a little bit of pushback on it.
And the reason why I got some pushback on it
is because this girl said, you know,
my dad didn't become a Christian until I was two years old
and he was committed to my mom.
Well, you guys, anyone can commit
for a short amount of time, okay?
And remember this girl that's saying this to me
is like 30 something years old.
I just got to tell you guys something,
it's really important that you hear this.
So write this down.
The world is different now than it was 35 years ago.
Okay?
You know that because a lot of you,
you know, you're older than 35.
You know that life is different now
than the people that were born in the 60s and 70s,
50s, 60s, 70s, life is different now.
Okay, people are different now.
And yeah, great.
Okay, so your dad was committed and faithful to your mom
for two years before he had a higher authority
that he was looking to in his life
that was keeping him in balance in things, right?
Maybe he came from a family that had good morals.
Maybe he had a good upbringing, he had good family.
It doesn't matter.
Maybe he just really was still in that infatuation stage
with your mom and really just wanted that.
But then at some point in time,
you're two years old, he became a Christian,
which is awesome and really important
because that is what was keeping him,
you know, really focused and committed going forward.
And obviously nothing really serious
came to try to pull him away before that.
Guys, nowadays, it's not like it was 35 years ago.
When I say that there's something on every street corner
to try to pull you away from your relationship,
I'm not kidding.
Everywhere, everywhere you look.
I'm just gonna tell you guys, gentlemen,
I don't know how grown men
doesn't really affect women as much
because of the kind of stuff that's being put out there.
Women get affected differently with materialism
and unrealistic beauty standards on Instagram
and places like that.
But guys, I don't know how you can even be on social media
because of how much pornographic content is on there.
I mean, it's like a liability.
My husband doesn't have Instagram.
He has it, but he's not on it.
And he's not on it because, you know,
there's just tons and tons and tons and tons
of inappropriate pictures.
Half naked women.
In fact, I feel like the only thing there is
is half naked women or naked women.
And so the bottom line is,
is that it's the wild, wild west out there.
And all of us need to be in relationship with someone
who's not surrendered to us or surrendered to God.
Because if they're surrendered to God,
then they're going to be committed to you.
And I don't mean just one surrendered to God.
And that doesn't mean just because they go to church, y'all,
that means that they're surrendered to God.
There's tons of people that go to church
that are not surrendered to God.
They go to church every single Sunday.
They go to church twice a week,
but they're the captain of their own soul.
They're not surrendered.
They're just churched.
They're churchy people.
We want someone who's surrendered.
What's that look like?
That's a daily thing.
That's like, can I pick up my cross
and follow me kind of thing.
And here's the thing, Lindsay,
I know her and I've known her for a while now.
She's not a Sunday Christian.
She's someone who really loves Jesus.
She's someone who wants to live an overcoming life.
She's someone who wants to walk after the spirit
and not the flesh.
And so what is she going to need?
She's going to need someone that's doing that as well.
But she's also been in a dating drought for years now.
So it's really hard to give up a flesh and blood man
who's sending her flowers
and been dating her for two months
and really wants to make it work with her.
So Lindsay, what you have to do
is you have to have a conversation with him
and you have to stop holding back.
Two months in is long enough to have this,
especially at your age, you don't desire.
And it's not that she's old, you guys.
she wants to have babies. She wants to get married and have children. Okay. And so it's time
two months in, it's time for her to say, Hey, listen, this is what I'm looking for.
I want someone who is going to go to my kind of church with me, a church where we're following
after Holy spirit, not a church where we're punching a religious time card saying that
we went somewhere. I understand that that doesn't make sense to you, that that's not your background,
but I need someone who wants to pursue that. That's someone who wants to, you know, grow
spiritually. That is what I'm looking for in a relationship, not flowers, not dates out,
not dinners, but someone who is basically surrendered to God. Okay. You guys, we're
not going to give people demerits because they don't come from the same place that we come from.
And they haven't gotten the chance to grow the way that all of us have had the chance to grow.
A lot of you have been in this community and supernatural Saturdays are rad. Okay.
If that's all you got, you got a lot more than most people out there as far as spiritual,
you know, deposit. And so this guy hasn't had that opportunity. He grew up Catholic.
All he knows is what he knows, but we also have to see a hunger for more. And so Lindsay,
you're going to have to have a conversation with him and basically just ask him, Hey,
you know, are you hungry for more? You know? And if he is, that's going to look like something.
I don't want you ladies to be afraid to point a man with a good heart in the right direction,
because once again, God doesn't see the outside. He sees the heart.
There are people that are going to church more than once a week that do not have a good heart.
All right. They have a stubborn heart. They have a prideful heart.
Right now, that pastor that I had, I love him. I bless him. It hurts me so bad that he is going to
the Supreme court and possibly going back to prison on his last appeal and final appeal.
But I really feel in my spirit that the reason why it's happening is because he's unrepentant
and he's hardened his heart. He doesn't want to admit that what he did was wrong. He thinks that
he's the victim in this situation and he's destroyed a lot of people's lives. And until
he really repents, it's not that God doesn't want to show him mercy. Do you know that God can't show
us mercy? Like it's not that he can't because he's God. It means that it's blocked. God's trying to
show us mercy, but the mercy is not making it to our lives because we have unforgiveness
because we have hard hearts because we refuse to repent. What do you think would have happened
when the prophet showed up to David and told him the whole story about the lamb?
And David would have said, Hey, I got a bunch of sheep out there. Just take one of them and give
it to the guy. And the prophet would have said, you're the guy. And David would have just had
him killed because he didn't want to hear that. What do you think would happen in that story?
The whole reason why God says that David is a man after his own heart is not because David was a
perfect person. He wasn't, he made a lot of mistakes, a lot of really bad mistakes,
but the reason why he was a man after God's own heart is because his heart was towards the Lord.
He wanted to repent. He wanted to make amends. God can work with that. So if what Lindsay is saying
is true, and this man really does have a good heart, but he just lacks knowledge. He lacks
discipleship. Then Lindsay, don't be afraid to point him in the right direction and see what
happens. Okay. But if he doesn't want that and you, and you, and you feel in your gut,
like he's only saying yes, because, you know, once again, you think that he just
sees a good thing, which is you and is trying to win you over, but his heart really isn't in it.
Then you can feel free to not be afraid to move on.
Okay. Yeah, I'll do it. Thank you. Okay. Can you keep us posted? Yeah, for sure. Okay. All right,
you guys, we have a few minutes for, um, some grab bag questions. So put them up in the chat.
Is this helping anyone? Can I see your hands? If you learn something tonight, you feel like
there was something that spoke to your heart, something that you might put in your back pocket,
use later. Maybe you're not in the situation now, but you're not in the situation now,
but you might, you might use it later. Okay. Half everyone here learn something. It's good.
You guys, it's not the same out there as it was before. It's not,
and we need to stop acting like it is. It's important that we understand what we're dealing
with here. You guys have all been called to marriage and family in the middle of a war.
Ladies, you are war brides, gentlemen. You are men that are in a war looking for a party.
partner that is going to be with you in hard times.
I'm not a doomsday or, but I'm telling you things are dark out there and
they're not getting lighter just because Trump got elected president.
For those of you that have pinned all of your hopes and dreams on that.
Now you notice that doesn't make me for Trump or against Trump.
I'm not saying anything about that.
I'm just saying that things are not going to magically be better.
There's a spiritual war happening and it's intensifying.
And so if you want to partner during a time like this, a time of deconstruction,
a time when things are falling apart so
that later on better things can come together, you need to choose wisely.
You do not choose gentlemen based on what she looks like on the outside,
because guess what, you're going to get cockled.
That's a word that I just learned and I wanted to use it in a sentence.
And so I did.
You're going to get hoodwinked.
You're going to get tricked.
Now she doesn't have to have a face that only her mother could love.
But at the same time, if you put everything
into someone's outside, it's not going to be good.
You need a woman who knows how to pray.
All right, someone named David, I have a couple of Davids, including my own.
David Van Roen had his hand up for quite a while.
Did you have your hand up because you're just having your hand up because I told
people to put their hands up or do you have a question, David?
It was actually a question before and I just kept it up because it was good
information and I saw both.
I'm going to put my hand up because I have a couple of Davids, including my own.
David Van Roen had his hand up for quite a while.
So both OK, just what's a good grace period for deciphering
whether someone's avoiding attachment or just has life going on?
It's been more than 24 hours since asking her out on a video chat date.
We've been talking for two days on Upward.
OK, so you are chatting over a dating app and you asked her on a date,
do you live locally?
She's 500 miles away from me, so video chat seemed like an appropriate thing.
OK, so you asked her, OK, so the date that you asked her on is the video chat.
Yes. OK.
And she left you on read on the dating app.
She didn't answer, didn't answer, hasn't like.
Blocked me or disappeared yet, but.
Just like nothing, so it was like initially a lot of
back and forth.
It was cool information.
We both grew up in the same town on North Side of Chicago.
And she's an evangelist.
I'm non-denominational.
So it's just I'm trying not to feed into
the way my mind goes.
And just trying to be.
Let me ask you a question.
When you were chatting back and forth, did you happen to mention
that, you know, you're moving to such and such a place
and you're going to be there for a couple of years in school?
Like, did that come up in conversation?
It's on my dating profile.
OK, so that's just a lot.
And, you know, she already lives 500 miles away.
So here's the deal.
She could just be busy a lot of times just because people have the app.
You guys doesn't mean that they look at it every day.
I know that we could argue, hey, if she was really interested
in having fun talking to him, that she would definitely make sure
that she looked at it. Yeah.
But at the same time, flirting with someone and having good conversation
with someone and also being realistic about whether or not
you could be in a relationship with them are two different things.
You know, I mean, you live 500 miles away, which is far.
OK, and and you also have a bunch of life transitions coming up,
which you've been very honest about, and I appreciate that.
So it's possible that she's just like, you know, why do it?
And it's also possible that she's just got busy and just hasn't looked at her app.
Both are possible.
Right. And is there a.
An appropriate transition from
that point between community from level one to level two.
So wait, I'm taking that to.
Is there appropriate transition between just being in community
together on an app or like a community like this, then going into, hey,
I'd like to get to know you more, I'd like to know more about like this.
Yeah, I'd like to set up a date with you or more specifically for online dating.
I'd like to verify you're a person.
Oh, I think. Yeah.
Yeah. No, I mean, here's the thing.
I.
know that we always teach in here that, you know,
we should go straight for the video chat
or can I have your number?
But a lot of scammers do that too.
In fact, I want to say something that's really pathetic,
but I'm going to say it anyway.
And that is what women have become accustomed to
with dating apps are the only guys who don't just want to,
Hey, how you doing?
Every day and talk and text and text
without really asking for the date.
The only guys that go straight to trying to get a date
are the guys that are up to no good.
And so that puts all of you guys in a, you know,
in a bad place because, you know,
you really do want to use your training that you've gotten
and go to a place where,
Hey, we're going to get to know each other better.
But unfortunately women have learned that, you know,
that might not be a good sign.
And so you still need to do it,
but I'm just telling you if someone seems kind of weird
about doing it,
it might be because they're just kind of afraid.
Raise your hand, not even just on dating apps,
but raise your hand if you're hyper-vigilant,
just about being scammed in life, just in life.
I was talking to an online dentist
and I was like, not even sure.
I was like,
are they really giving me a video tour of their office?
Or is this just like AI?
For real though, you know,
it's like, cause you have to put like a down payment down.
And I was just like, I don't know.
So look at all those hands, you guys,
we live in a world where because of AI,
we're not even really sure what the heck's going on.
Are we even really talking to a real person
or are we talking to a hologram?
Yeah, so much is fake now.
All right.
So this is what I want to say to you, David.
In the land of AI,
in the land of fake people,
a real man is king.
Okay?
So be yourself, ask for the date,
ask for the video chat.
If she doesn't give it to you,
if she leaves you on read, if she disappears,
that just means that's not your spirit mate.
That's not someone who's really ready to trust someone.
And you need someone who's ready to trust someone.
And so keep doing it.
The only transition I can tell you
about going from one to two is just do it.
Just say, hey, you know,
I really don't like talking back and forth and texting.
I have a dating coach and she says, let's go.
Let's go to a video chat.
Let's go to an in-person.
And I would really like to do that.
I'd like to get to know you better.
I'd like to see, you know, what you're all about.
And however you're comfortable doing that,
guys, you can definitely say that.
However you're comfortable doing that.
You can give me your number.
You can not give me your number.
I can give you my number.
You can call me.
You know, we can use Zoom.
We can use FaceTime.
We can do WhatsApp.
We can do whatever you want.
You choose.
Put the ball on her court.
Let her choose where she feels comfortable
connecting outside of the app.
Cool?
Cool.
Thank you very much, Jackie.
Nora said carrier pigeons.
What?
No.
African or European?
The Monty Python joke.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yes, you guys, I love Monty Python.
I sneeze at you.
I blow my nose in your general direction.
Okay.
For those of you that have not seen Monty Python,
just Google it.
Okay, let's see what else we have.
Anybody else?
There's lots of ladies in here that are like,
David, I'll video chat with you.
Let's go.
I'm putting that tone of voice to it
because it's just fun.
Okay, let's see.
Anybody else?
We're kind of at time right now.
Did you guys have a good time?
And there's a lot of good information in here.
I wanna kind of keep it at 90 minutes if we can.
And so I'm just gonna pray for you.
Father God, I thank you for your sons and daughters, Lord.
I thank you that they are revivalists
of marriage and family.
And it's a dark world out there, but they are the light.
And so Father, I pray that the right people
will be attracted to their light.
I pray that they would have intersections
with people that know someone
who knows someone who knows their spirit mate.
I pray that you would highlight them from heaven, God,
to people that they should have in their life,
friends, community.
Thank you that this is an in-person year.
We thank you this year for full circle.
We thank you that this is a year for transition.
We thank you that this is a year for supernatural miracles.
And we just are so thankful
that we are part of this together
and that we're locking arms with you and with each other.
Help these men.
Proverbs 18, 22, Lord, a man discovering
and seeing a woman who is his wife
because he's obtained favor from you to see his good thing.
I pray you would open their eyes.
If there's any blockage, if there's any.
scales so to speak, that that would fall off their eyes
and they would be able to see very clearly
who is gonna be a good partner, a good help mate,
a good spirit mate for their future together
and all the things that you've called them to do together
in their lineage and legacy.
I pray that you would get their hearts prepared to receive
both men and women and we ask it in Jesus name, amen.
All right, love you guys.
See you this weekend.
Until then, bye, ciao for now.
Night.