WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.200 Hello, amazing beautiful people. Do you know how excited I get 2 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:09.440 when I just know that you're going to get the next episode of 3 00:00:09.440 --> 00:00:12.480 something that is going to raise you up and take you to another 4 00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:15.760 level. We recorded this this morning with a live group. So 5 00:00:15.760 --> 00:00:18.680 I've just gone through this whole training this morning, and 6 00:00:18.680 --> 00:00:22.600 I'm just too excited. I couldn't wait until Friday to do this for 7 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:27.360 you or with you. So thank you for those of you who are walking 8 00:00:27.360 --> 00:00:30.360 with me every week and I catch up with you in the mentorship on 9 00:00:30.360 --> 00:00:34.040 a Monday to unpack this stuff and to work it through and to 10 00:00:34.040 --> 00:00:39.000 answer your questions. And also thank you to my DIY crew, those 11 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:43.440 of you who are just doing this for yourself, and you're working 12 00:00:43.440 --> 00:00:47.720 through it at a pace that works for you. It is such a joy to 13 00:00:47.720 --> 00:00:51.400 share this with you. Now I would love you to let me know how 14 00:00:51.400 --> 00:00:54.880 you're getting on, just whether it's working for you, whether 15 00:00:55.840 --> 00:00:58.400 I get to see the mentorship group, I get to see them, but 16 00:00:58.400 --> 00:01:01.680 the DIYs, I don't get to see you much. So if you want some tips, 17 00:01:01.680 --> 00:01:04.239 you want to know, or you want to just share this has been 18 00:01:04.239 --> 00:01:07.680 helpful. It'd be super to hear from you. You can just flick me 19 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:13.160 a message 0273 or 20617 just in case you haven't got my number. 20 00:01:13.400 --> 00:01:16.640 But anyway, right now I'm not going to fluff around because we 21 00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:19.840 need to get on with it. You guys, time is money. And we need 22 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:23.680 to make sure that we're saving you time and money by moving 23 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:28.640 forward. That's not the that's better. So that's not the screen 24 00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:33.320 I wanted to share. So we split week four, I was trying last 25 00:01:33.320 --> 00:01:35.640 week, I was going to do power of love and forgiveness. But you 26 00:01:35.640 --> 00:01:38.640 know, I really wanted to focus on the power of love. And this 27 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:41.880 week, I really want to zone in on forgiveness and the power 28 00:01:41.880 --> 00:01:47.400 that that has for you. It is genuinely transformative, when 29 00:01:47.400 --> 00:01:52.400 we release our past pain, and we exchange it for our future 30 00:01:52.400 --> 00:01:56.160 promise. But before we go into forgiveness, let's have a quick 31 00:01:56.200 --> 00:02:00.800 recap. So I encourage you to think about what have you done 32 00:02:00.800 --> 00:02:03.680 with that dreaded drama triangle, and the empowerment 33 00:02:03.680 --> 00:02:08.400 dynamic, what have you done about love, overcoming fear this 34 00:02:08.400 --> 00:02:12.520 week. And so the first thing to consider is the insights that 35 00:02:12.520 --> 00:02:18.840 you gained from last week, some of you may not even know how 36 00:02:18.840 --> 00:02:26.680 the dreaded drama triangle relates to the empowerment 37 00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:30.840 dynamic, you may not have seen how to flip from one to the 38 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:33.000 other, you may not even have known what the dreaded drama 39 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:37.880 triangle was. And so that might have been one of the things that 40 00:02:37.880 --> 00:02:46.920 was an insight. Another is that I have choice in every moment. 41 00:02:46.920 --> 00:02:53.880 So you get to choose. And that lovely, I'm just going to put 42 00:02:53.880 --> 00:02:58.520 the might be in the learnings, actually, you know, changing, 43 00:02:58.720 --> 00:03:06.080 just one word, have to, to get to, you know, that shifts and 44 00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:10.560 moves mountains, it's nuts, that one word can make such a 45 00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:16.320 difference. So just any other insights that you can think of, 46 00:03:16.360 --> 00:03:20.320 I just encourage you to was there anything else where you 47 00:03:20.320 --> 00:03:23.280 went, Oh, my goodness, that was amazing. I hadn't considered 48 00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:26.280 that. Or I, you know, when we talked about things happen to 49 00:03:26.280 --> 00:03:30.880 me, or things happen for me, or because of me, you know, or 50 00:03:30.880 --> 00:03:35.000 choosing, you know, to be in a fixed mindset, rather than an 51 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:39.160 open mindset. So just pause for a moment on this video. And 52 00:03:39.760 --> 00:03:43.520 take a moment to think about what the insights were. And 53 00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:47.840 then think about how you've integrated them. And then what 54 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:51.360 have you noticed? What shifts have you noticed? So that have 55 00:03:51.360 --> 00:04:00.120 to, to get to often brings freedom of choice, which can 56 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:05.920 make people feel more in control. So they are more in 57 00:04:05.920 --> 00:04:08.760 control of their lives, rather than feeling other people are 58 00:04:08.760 --> 00:04:11.400 in control, you have to do this and have to do that. And 59 00:04:11.400 --> 00:04:16.000 whatever the situation is. So just have a think about that. 60 00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:23.360 And also, you know, how have your relationships shifted, now 61 00:04:23.360 --> 00:04:26.400 that you're not coming from fear. And I know that this 62 00:04:26.400 --> 00:04:29.840 morning, one of our beautiful ladies shared, you know, her 63 00:04:29.840 --> 00:04:32.320 husband wasn't very well, he actually came home because he 64 00:04:32.320 --> 00:04:37.560 was fatigued and short of breath, etc. from work. And this 65 00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:41.320 is something that is he's had before. But it normally lasts 66 00:04:41.320 --> 00:04:43.320 a very short period of time is a bit longer. And she went, you 67 00:04:43.320 --> 00:04:45.760 know what, I'm not going to be scared about his illness, we're 68 00:04:45.760 --> 00:04:48.400 just going to go. And we're going to go, we're going to go 69 00:04:48.400 --> 00:04:50.680 to, we're going to find the health line, then we're going to 70 00:04:50.680 --> 00:04:54.280 end it up at ED and ask questions. So instead of being 71 00:04:54.280 --> 00:04:58.000 fearful, she put herself on the front foot, and she drove him to 72 00:04:58.000 --> 00:04:59.840 hospital, she she took 73 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:06.960 control. So again, that front foot, you know, puts you in a 74 00:05:06.960 --> 00:05:12.520 situation where actually you're carving your path. So again, you 75 00:05:12.640 --> 00:05:21.640 are in control or taking responsibility, which actually 76 00:05:21.640 --> 00:05:35.080 in itself is empowering. And in this case, uplifted and 77 00:05:35.080 --> 00:05:46.360 connected here more deeply with her husband. So that just gives 78 00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:50.240 you like when we take, when we own it, when we take 79 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:55.040 responsibility, we actually empower everybody ourselves and 80 00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:59.160 everyone around us. So it's really exciting. And then 81 00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:01.640 reflecting your interactions over the past week, you know, 82 00:06:01.640 --> 00:06:05.160 were you able to use the tools to discuss and foster deeper, 83 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:09.000 more meaningful relationships? When we come from fear, we often 84 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:13.680 argue, we often find resistance, we often find that we're 85 00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:17.400 defending ourselves and moving back. So hopefully, you know, 86 00:06:17.400 --> 00:06:22.160 you found that you were closer to people that were more, you 87 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:24.640 know, that were closer to you that rather than moving back, 88 00:06:24.640 --> 00:06:28.480 you moved in. And there's that difference between, you know, 89 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:34.440 that's so you leaned in, instead of leaning out, you know, you 90 00:06:34.440 --> 00:06:39.840 stepped forward instead of stepping back. So just have some 91 00:06:39.880 --> 00:06:46.200 thoughts for yourself around how that worked. And for me, I have 92 00:06:46.200 --> 00:06:51.760 to say I've had to put my Yes, we can do this. Today, we 93 00:06:51.760 --> 00:06:55.800 recorded our introduction for our new radio broadcast that 94 00:06:55.800 --> 00:06:58.960 we're going to do the new radio show that is going to come out 95 00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:03.920 on a Sunday night, called Get the Message Out. So watch this 96 00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:07.360 space. And I so again, it's connected to the person that 97 00:07:07.360 --> 00:07:09.560 fell and I are going to be doing it together. So he owns 98 00:07:09.560 --> 00:07:14.160 messenger bookstore here in Hastings. And obviously, I've 99 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.040 got this business. So the two of us are going to come together 100 00:07:17.280 --> 00:07:21.120 and share and do a radio show over the next over the coming 101 00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:25.280 weeks. So watch this space. So that was engaging with others 102 00:07:25.320 --> 00:07:28.880 was getting out my comfort zone, it was putting fear aside, and 103 00:07:28.880 --> 00:07:32.120 just focusing on the love focusing on how well we know 104 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:35.520 each other rather than I can't do this, oh my goodness, and 105 00:07:35.520 --> 00:07:40.400 just roll beautifully. So the other thing to do then is also 106 00:07:40.400 --> 00:07:43.920 to reflect, reflect on how you feel right now. Now, it's 107 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:47.200 mid-afternoon for me. So I've done all the stuff that I need 108 00:07:47.200 --> 00:07:50.520 to do. And I'm probably a seven out of 10, which is the number 109 00:07:50.520 --> 00:07:53.360 of completeness. So that's all quite exciting or number of 110 00:07:53.360 --> 00:07:59.400 heaven, perfection. So my word is, and what's your word? 111 00:07:59.400 --> 00:08:03.520 What's your word? As you listen to this? How are you feeling? 112 00:08:06.520 --> 00:08:09.640 I would say, I'm just going to put content for now. That's 113 00:08:09.640 --> 00:08:11.960 where I feel I'm at. So that's that little, it's that 114 00:08:11.960 --> 00:08:16.320 mid-afternoon. Yeah, you know, things have gone well today. I'm 115 00:08:16.320 --> 00:08:19.680 pumping, but I'm not like I'm just the energy levels have 116 00:08:19.680 --> 00:08:24.680 dropped just a little bit. Okay, so just helps you when you're 117 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:27.960 sitting in this space to just be really self aware, be in the 118 00:08:27.960 --> 00:08:32.440 present. His presence is the gift of today. And so be in this 119 00:08:32.440 --> 00:08:36.120 gift, be aware of where you are. What does it feel like? What 120 00:08:36.120 --> 00:08:40.600 does it smell like? What does it taste like? Okay. And then this 121 00:08:40.600 --> 00:08:44.880 week, we're going to talk about unforgiveness and forgiveness, 122 00:08:44.880 --> 00:08:50.720 which comes from chapter six in the book. And I love, I still 123 00:08:50.720 --> 00:08:52.360 can't remember her name. I couldn't remember her name this 124 00:08:52.360 --> 00:08:56.480 morning. That's really bad. I can see her face, but I can't 125 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.440 remember her name. She's a preacher lady. Anyway, she said, 126 00:09:00.880 --> 00:09:06.080 unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other 127 00:09:06.120 --> 00:09:15.200 person to die. When we harbor unforgiveness, we are holding 128 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:24.280 ourselves back. The other person doesn't even know. So I just 129 00:09:24.280 --> 00:09:30.480 want you for a moment to consider where you might hold 130 00:09:30.520 --> 00:09:35.280 unforgiveness, or might be holding unforgiveness in this 131 00:09:35.280 --> 00:09:40.080 situation. And just for me, unforgiveness often sits with 132 00:09:40.120 --> 00:09:44.760 injustice, or things aren't right. That's not fair. That's 133 00:09:44.760 --> 00:09:49.880 not right. That's not from my perspective. And can also sit 134 00:09:50.280 --> 00:09:54.520 in just in my situation or my perception of something so 135 00:09:54.520 --> 00:09:59.520 doesn't fit right. And I can get quite stroppy about it. But we 136 00:09:59.520 --> 00:09:59.920 all have a 137 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:05.680 hard to play. And so I could have been as in chapter six, I 138 00:10:05.680 --> 00:10:10.040 could have been very unforgiving of my ex husband. You know, he 139 00:10:10.040 --> 00:10:14.080 threw me across hallways and was physically and mentally abusive. 140 00:10:14.640 --> 00:10:21.200 And I could have harbored that all my life. I was very lucky. I 141 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:24.000 got a great life coach at the time. And she helped me work 142 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:30.640 through some of that stuff. But me being bitter, me holding on 143 00:10:30.640 --> 00:10:34.920 to that was only going to destroy me. So just think about 144 00:10:34.960 --> 00:10:40.080 so it made me feel bitter, it made me feel less than. So 145 00:10:40.080 --> 00:10:42.640 holding on to that unforgiveness, holding on to 146 00:10:42.640 --> 00:10:48.040 those bitter memories, you know, basically destroy was destroying 147 00:10:48.040 --> 00:10:54.520 or can destroy, you know, it's just unhelpful. And also makes 148 00:10:54.520 --> 00:10:58.600 us pull back, it disconnects us, we can't connect, I can have a 149 00:10:58.600 --> 00:11:02.040 conversation with him now, like I'm chatting to you. It's just 150 00:11:02.040 --> 00:11:05.080 what it is, because we've worked on how my heart's been healed. 151 00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:09.240 I've forgiven, I've let go and I feel so much better, which we'll 152 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:15.320 do in a minute. So it can disconnect. And to be fair, it 153 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:20.040 can cut off our nose to spite our face. So it actually is, 154 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:29.640 it's hindering us and making us just feel, you know, unseen and 155 00:11:29.680 --> 00:11:34.760 unheard, which is a natural, humans need to be seen and heard, 156 00:11:34.760 --> 00:11:37.400 we need to feel like we're seen and heard, we need to feel 157 00:11:37.400 --> 00:11:40.240 valued, we need to feel noticed, we need to feel like we're 158 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:46.240 significant. And unforgiveness stops all of that, makes us feel 159 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:48.960 less than makes us feel insignificant, like no one 160 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:55.440 cares. Doesn't sound like God to me certainly sounds like the 161 00:11:55.440 --> 00:11:58.960 opposite end of the spectrum. Funny, though. Okay. So 162 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:03.920 understanding forgiveness, so we've realized that this is 163 00:12:03.960 --> 00:12:08.520 ugly, makes us feel less than destroys, disconnects, hinders 164 00:12:08.520 --> 00:12:12.720 us, holds us back, makes us feel stuck, makes us feel like 165 00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:19.440 we can't do anything, we can't move, it's awful. So when we 166 00:12:19.440 --> 00:12:25.160 forgive somebody, it's actually about us. It's not about them. 167 00:12:25.600 --> 00:12:30.520 It's about releasing. So understanding forgiveness is 168 00:12:30.520 --> 00:12:40.160 about releasing ourselves from the burden, the burden of guilt, 169 00:12:40.160 --> 00:12:44.040 the burden of shame, the burden of whatever it might be, that we 170 00:12:44.040 --> 00:12:48.840 beat ourselves up over, I could beat myself up about playing the 171 00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:53.360 victim. But I can't get out of here. You know, I didn't know 172 00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:56.440 anyone at the time, you know, we didn't, as far as I was 173 00:12:56.440 --> 00:12:59.240 concerned, still in a foreign country, this wasn't my gig, I 174 00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:02.480 hadn't come here, I'd come here to raise a family, not come here 175 00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:06.440 to be a solo parent. So you know, and also that, you know, 176 00:13:06.440 --> 00:13:11.480 that failure, I'd failed the one thing that was meant to be good 177 00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:14.160 at bringing up a family and being a good wife, I'd failed 178 00:13:14.160 --> 00:13:21.640 miserably at. So I had to forgive myself and stop talking 179 00:13:21.640 --> 00:13:27.400 to myself as if I was a failure. So it released me to become the 180 00:13:27.400 --> 00:13:32.400 woman I am today. So that released that burden of failure. 181 00:13:33.960 --> 00:13:39.760 The other thing is, when we forgive somebody, we don't 182 00:13:39.760 --> 00:13:45.760 forgive them for, we don't say actually that behaviour is okay. 183 00:13:45.760 --> 00:13:48.120 We're not condoning, we're not saying actually, that's fine to 184 00:13:48.120 --> 00:13:53.320 beat somebody up. It's not the case. We can forgive them 185 00:13:53.320 --> 00:13:56.880 because they know not what they do. But we can forgive them 186 00:13:57.400 --> 00:13:59.640 because they don't know, they don't know the impact it's had 187 00:13:59.640 --> 00:14:02.240 on you. They don't know how much it's hurt. And to be honest, to 188 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:04.880 be fair, they probably didn't mean it. My ex-husband, I don't 189 00:14:04.880 --> 00:14:08.000 think ever meant it. He did it, but I don't think he meant it. 190 00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:11.200 I don't think it's who he was. I don't think it's who he is. 191 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:16.040 Well, it's who he chooses to be. But it's like, it's not, it's 192 00:14:16.040 --> 00:14:19.840 not him that was bad. It was our situation that was unhelpful. 193 00:14:20.800 --> 00:14:30.240 So, you know, it just takes away the pain. It takes away, when we 194 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:39.000 forgive, it takes away the guilt and the shame. And for me, it 195 00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:47.480 released me from failure. When I forgave him, and actually what I 196 00:14:47.520 --> 00:14:52.440 did, I went a step further. I went from failure to blessing. 197 00:14:53.040 --> 00:14:57.600 And what I did was I went from, so forgiveness, forgiveness was 198 00:14:57.600 --> 00:14:58.320 the key. 199 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:05.000 was the key that opened the door to thankfulness. 200 00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:16.360 Now, some people, it could be 201 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:18.400 that the thankfulness brought forgiveness. 202 00:15:18.400 --> 00:15:19.700 And I think maybe at the time 203 00:15:19.700 --> 00:15:21.620 that was exactly where the right rounder was. 204 00:15:21.620 --> 00:15:24.600 I thanked, and then I found the forgiveness. 205 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:29.520 So in that process, I wrote a three-page letter 206 00:15:29.520 --> 00:15:34.520 thanking my ex-husband for bringing me to New Zealand, 207 00:15:35.280 --> 00:15:38.380 for the amazing lifestyle that we had had 208 00:15:38.380 --> 00:15:42.480 since we'd been here, for my two beautiful children, 209 00:15:42.480 --> 00:15:45.200 for the stunning home that we had, 210 00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:50.200 for all the holidays and the fact that my kids could ski 211 00:15:50.840 --> 00:15:53.560 and they could swim and they could do all the things 212 00:15:53.560 --> 00:15:57.200 that they did, that we'd had the horses all the way through. 213 00:15:57.200 --> 00:16:01.040 There were lots of things I had to be thankful for. 214 00:16:01.040 --> 00:16:05.060 And I wrote a three-page letter and it came from my heart, 215 00:16:05.060 --> 00:16:08.140 but what it did was it allowed me to be free. 216 00:16:09.400 --> 00:16:13.560 So pause, consider, what is it? 217 00:16:13.560 --> 00:16:15.440 What would forgiveness bring you? 218 00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:20.440 And it brings you connection, it brings you peace, 219 00:16:20.760 --> 00:16:24.040 it brings you joy, and it brings you freedom. 220 00:16:24.040 --> 00:16:26.080 There may be some other things that it brings for you too, 221 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:31.000 but those are the kind of things that forgiveness brings. 222 00:16:31.000 --> 00:16:33.560 You're no longer trapped, you're no longer scared, 223 00:16:33.560 --> 00:16:34.460 it brings you love. 224 00:16:35.720 --> 00:16:37.680 And it did, brought me another husband. 225 00:16:37.680 --> 00:16:38.520 How cool was that? 226 00:16:38.520 --> 00:16:39.760 I wasn't expecting that, let me tell you. 227 00:16:39.760 --> 00:16:41.920 I wasn't intending to get married for a very long time. 228 00:16:41.920 --> 00:16:44.160 Anyway, I read that in the book. 229 00:16:44.160 --> 00:16:49.160 So this is a forgiveness exercise to help walk you through 230 00:16:49.520 --> 00:16:52.800 how to go from unforgiveness to forgiveness. 231 00:16:52.800 --> 00:16:56.780 And the first thing is to identify unforgiveness. 232 00:16:57.680 --> 00:17:00.480 Where are you holding on to unforgiveness? 233 00:17:00.480 --> 00:17:02.920 Where are you holding on to some resentment, 234 00:17:02.920 --> 00:17:05.079 some anger or frustration? 235 00:17:05.079 --> 00:17:10.079 And I will often hold on to unforgiveness 236 00:17:11.280 --> 00:17:16.280 in actually in the church space and often with elders 237 00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:20.880 or leadership. 238 00:17:20.920 --> 00:17:25.160 I mean, it's interesting the things that I get myself into. 239 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:29.040 So because they don't do things the way I do them, 240 00:17:29.040 --> 00:17:30.400 but you know what, it's just as well, 241 00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:33.280 because I couldn't and don't want to run a church. 242 00:17:33.280 --> 00:17:36.000 So actually it's not what I'm called to, 243 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:38.600 I'm not called in that space. 244 00:17:38.600 --> 00:17:43.040 So because it doesn't work the way I work, 245 00:17:43.040 --> 00:17:45.440 because there are things I see that I see 246 00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:47.880 are things they could do better, 247 00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:52.320 I might get all self-righteous as opposed to right-standing 248 00:17:52.320 --> 00:17:53.440 and get myself into a pickle. 249 00:17:53.440 --> 00:17:55.920 And I can be quite unforgiving. 250 00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:58.840 I can be quite rude if I'm not careful. 251 00:18:00.120 --> 00:18:02.960 So the first thing you have to do with unforgiveness 252 00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:03.800 or where that might be, 253 00:18:03.800 --> 00:18:05.600 and it could be with your husband, 254 00:18:05.600 --> 00:18:06.960 it could be with, you know, 255 00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:09.200 there were times I used to get really stroppy about Kiv 256 00:18:09.200 --> 00:18:12.240 when he just used to leave his dirty dishes 257 00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:13.800 from his lunch on the side 258 00:18:13.800 --> 00:18:16.200 and not put it in the dishwasher. 259 00:18:16.200 --> 00:18:17.520 Dishwasher's broken at the moment, 260 00:18:18.120 --> 00:18:19.440 so we can't put anything in there at the moment. 261 00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:22.920 But anyway, you know, but what the heck, 262 00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:24.440 am I going to die now? 263 00:18:24.440 --> 00:18:26.280 So let's go into the next bit. 264 00:18:26.280 --> 00:18:28.720 So first of all, identify it. 265 00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:33.360 And then I encourage you to allow yourself to feel 266 00:18:33.360 --> 00:18:34.960 and express these emotions. 267 00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:37.680 Now, often what happens in unforgiveness 268 00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:40.480 is we push it down and we pretend it's not there. 269 00:18:41.640 --> 00:18:44.800 We are, and we try and put this face on 270 00:18:44.800 --> 00:18:47.720 that we're really supportive of whatever it is. 271 00:18:47.720 --> 00:18:51.040 I'm a shocking liar, so it's written all over my face. 272 00:18:51.040 --> 00:18:54.240 However, so let it be, let it come out 273 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:56.640 because once it comes out, once you speak it, 274 00:18:56.640 --> 00:18:57.920 once you write it down, 275 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:01.480 once it's out of your head and out of your heart, 276 00:19:01.480 --> 00:19:04.400 it is no longer yours and you can see it 277 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:05.360 for what it really is. 278 00:19:05.360 --> 00:19:07.560 This is out of the darkness into the light. 279 00:19:07.560 --> 00:19:09.320 So let, you're not going to hover, 280 00:19:09.320 --> 00:19:11.680 you're not going to stay here, but let it out. 281 00:19:11.680 --> 00:19:15.000 Let whatever it needs to come out, come out. 282 00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:20.000 So in my case, I could be grumpy 283 00:19:21.800 --> 00:19:26.800 because I don't see pastoral care in the, 284 00:19:27.040 --> 00:19:29.960 I don't see the elders leading pastoral care. 285 00:19:29.960 --> 00:19:32.360 It's not the gig, which is why they don't do it, 286 00:19:32.360 --> 00:19:35.320 but it's, I don't see it. 287 00:19:35.320 --> 00:19:36.600 They don't do it the way I do it. 288 00:19:36.600 --> 00:19:40.640 So that's where I would get stuck 289 00:19:40.640 --> 00:19:44.760 and get grumpy or that there's, you know, 290 00:19:44.760 --> 00:19:49.760 often no acknowledgement of good works. 291 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.120 outside of the building. 292 00:20:11.280 --> 00:20:17.360 Or, so I will get quite cross, probably identifying the 293 00:20:17.360 --> 00:20:21.120 unforgiveness rather than, but I'll get cross, I'll get 294 00:20:21.120 --> 00:20:23.040 stroppy. In fact, I'm just going to put these because 295 00:20:23.040 --> 00:20:25.840 these are a bit more specific of this, of what I get 296 00:20:25.840 --> 00:20:30.960 stroppy about. And then I get stroppy, I get vocal, 297 00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:36.640 because I start telling everybody about it. And the 298 00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:39.440 more stroppy, the more stroppy I get, or the more vocal I 299 00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:41.920 get, the more stroppy I get, the more vocal I get, and it 300 00:20:41.920 --> 00:20:48.480 just builds unhelpfully. It makes me feel sad, so I get 301 00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:56.240 the pain. And you know what, I can get really riled, I can 302 00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:08.480 get really going on this, and so it builds into something 303 00:21:08.480 --> 00:21:14.880 unhelpful. And for me, I'm more angry, it makes me angry, 304 00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:24.240 it makes me frustrated, it makes me fiery. So some 305 00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:28.960 people it goes in, you know, it makes them sad, it makes 306 00:21:28.960 --> 00:21:33.680 them feel depressed, oppressed, it makes them feel less 307 00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:37.360 than, whatever it might be. For me, it does make me feel 308 00:21:37.360 --> 00:21:42.320 less than, but it's almost like pressing the, you know, the 309 00:21:42.320 --> 00:21:47.600 button to go. It's like, it just makes me fire. So 310 00:21:47.600 --> 00:21:50.720 whatever your emotions are, express them. Even if you want 311 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:54.800 to pause this video and shout, or cry, or get angry, or 312 00:21:54.800 --> 00:21:59.760 whatever it is, let it out. Let it out, because then you don't 313 00:21:59.760 --> 00:22:04.320 have to put it back in. And then forgive yourself. Forgive 314 00:22:04.320 --> 00:22:08.480 yourself for holding on to these things, because the next 315 00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:11.680 thing we'll do, once we've let it out, normally, or 316 00:22:11.760 --> 00:22:14.640 generally speaking, is we then go, oh, what did you say that 317 00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:17.120 for? That was terrible. Oh, my goodness. And we start putting 318 00:22:17.120 --> 00:22:22.800 ourselves down. Nope. Just let it out. That's no meaning. It's 319 00:22:22.800 --> 00:22:28.720 just gone. And so forgive yourself. Forgive your former 320 00:22:28.720 --> 00:22:34.240 self for being angry. That's a whole book is about looking at 321 00:22:34.240 --> 00:22:38.720 my former self with compassion and understanding. It was about 322 00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:42.000 forgiving myself for the mistakes I'd made. I did the 323 00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:44.960 best I could in every situation. But it's different 324 00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:52.000 today as it was yesterday. So have compassion. Give yourself 325 00:22:52.000 --> 00:22:58.880 some empathy. And if you can, give yourself a pat on the back 326 00:22:59.600 --> 00:23:00.480 for being here now, 327 00:23:07.040 --> 00:23:08.000 and for letting go. 328 00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:16.080 I'd also, you know, say, give yourself a pat on the back for 329 00:23:16.080 --> 00:23:20.240 actually starting to see 330 00:23:20.560 --> 00:23:24.560 how amazing you are. 331 00:23:31.040 --> 00:23:36.320 Because you are amazing for being here. Now, we know about 332 00:23:36.320 --> 00:23:38.960 this. It's right at the beginning. I think it might even 333 00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:43.920 be in chapter two, the good old God box. Okay, so place these 334 00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:48.640 thoughts, these feelings, this gongusmus. You can write down 335 00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:54.160 both two, one and two. And if you want to three, but one and 336 00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:57.360 two, because you're going to give them to God. That's not 337 00:23:57.360 --> 00:24:01.120 yours. It's not yours. It's not my jurisdiction to run a church. 338 00:24:01.120 --> 00:24:06.080 I've been given that authority. Thank goodness. So that's it. 339 00:24:06.080 --> 00:24:10.080 Give it back to God. And then, you know, actually, we discussed 340 00:24:10.080 --> 00:24:12.800 it this morning, so many people have been church hurt and they 341 00:24:12.800 --> 00:24:17.760 leave church. And actually, we need to let go of those people 342 00:24:17.760 --> 00:24:20.400 who hurt us. We need to let go of those situations. Church is 343 00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:24.160 perfect until we're in it. But we're not perfect. We're 344 00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:30.240 excellent, but we're not without fault. So place that stuff in 345 00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:38.560 the God box. Give it to God. So I give him all my gongusmus. 346 00:24:38.560 --> 00:24:43.200 It's a German. It's not German. It's a Greek word for grumpy. I 347 00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:45.840 don't know if that's how you spell it, but gongusmus. So I 348 00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:50.320 give him all of that stuff, all of my yuck, all of the pain, all 349 00:24:50.320 --> 00:24:53.520 of the grief, all of the shame, all of my opinions, because I 350 00:24:53.520 --> 00:24:58.240 have plenty of those, giving them to God. That's it. All 351 00:24:58.240 --> 00:24:59.920 yours. I don't have 352 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:05.280 to have an opinion about it. I don't have to get involved in this stuff. I can just let it go. 353 00:25:06.800 --> 00:25:11.520 And then find yourself somewhere quiet. So pausing this video because you're somewhere quiet. 354 00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:16.800 Ask the exchange. Okay, God, what am I not seeing? 355 00:25:19.440 --> 00:25:27.760 Lord, help me to understand this person, this situation. Help me to see the unseen. 356 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:32.880 And what is it you want me to share? What is it you actually want me to go and talk about? What 357 00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:38.880 is it? I get to talk to Cliff once a month with Kiv. We go and hang out with him. And he's always 358 00:25:38.880 --> 00:25:43.280 open. He always listens. In fact, the whole eldership team are pretty cool in that space. 359 00:25:43.280 --> 00:25:52.240 They will listen. And they will see you. So God, what am I? What is it, Sally? I asked God, 360 00:25:52.240 --> 00:26:03.440 what is it you want me to take? And so funny that he said, there's 150 people online. 361 00:26:05.760 --> 00:26:13.040 And there's no home group. So, you know, it was like, okay, ask about home groups. 362 00:26:13.360 --> 00:26:17.520 You know, because that's the thought they've got to think about. We're expanding the church, 363 00:26:17.520 --> 00:26:22.320 the church is growing, we're giving permission to grow in this space. So I think about that. 364 00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:27.840 And also, and it was great, you know, this week, because our system, we're not really 365 00:26:27.840 --> 00:26:31.360 acknowledging the people online. So we get to the end of a service and we go, 366 00:26:31.920 --> 00:26:35.600 you know, if anybody wants to give their lives to Jesus, or if anybody wants healing, 367 00:26:35.600 --> 00:26:39.440 or whatever it might be, and that's it. The point is, we're not acknowledging the people 368 00:26:39.440 --> 00:27:00.240 online. So, you know, again, offering the help to those online, and how to connect. 369 00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:04.000 And thankfully, you know, some of that was actually addressed, literally, 370 00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:11.200 we spoke on the Wednesday, so it on the Sunday, job done. So, you know, what's the solution? What's, 371 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:15.600 come on, what's the exchange? That's my problem. That's my gongosmos, but that's not you, what is? 372 00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:22.160 And then where do we go to from here? And then the other thing was, because I get, 373 00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:25.200 there are people who want to do business with people that they know, 374 00:27:25.360 --> 00:27:28.960 but they don't know what business they're in. And that's not the, that's not. So how about having 375 00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:35.920 some notice boards? You know, some for business, some for community, some for events, whatever it 376 00:27:35.920 --> 00:27:43.920 might be, let's start there. So getting that exchange, and then speaking out the forgiveness, 377 00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:49.360 so verbally expressing your forgiveness for that personal situation and declare your great exchange. 378 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:55.680 So it could be, you know, thank you, and often for me it is, thank you, Lord, for great leaders. 379 00:27:59.280 --> 00:28:09.680 You know, I thank, I thank him for their hearts, for him, and to say, yes. 380 00:28:09.760 --> 00:28:15.040 For him, and to say, yes. 381 00:28:19.040 --> 00:28:26.000 You know, because I don't want that role, actually. So whatever it is, be grateful, be thankful, 382 00:28:26.000 --> 00:28:32.080 speak out your, thank you, Lord, for helping me through this. I release all of that, and I'm 383 00:28:32.080 --> 00:28:38.800 claiming my great exchange. I'm claiming the fact that they did listen, they do implement all the 384 00:28:38.800 --> 00:28:44.480 things that we share, pretty much. So actually, Lord, thank you for giving me a voice, and thank 385 00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:49.840 you that they're here. Thank you that they see. And then it's all released, and guess what? When 386 00:28:49.840 --> 00:28:56.800 we work together, rather than against each other, goodness happens, because actions get taken, 387 00:28:56.800 --> 00:29:04.720 and everybody together, everyone achieves more. We achieve more together. And then when old, 388 00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:09.360 this is just a combat negative thought, so it's kind of, you've done that bit, but when old 389 00:29:09.360 --> 00:29:15.120 hurtful thoughts arise, pause and replace them with the truth. So when something starts to rise, 390 00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:20.160 when anger, frustration, whatever it might be, hold on a minute, where does that come from? 391 00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:25.920 Oh, it's you. That's all right, I'll deal with it later, if that makes sense, or I'll deal with that 392 00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:30.880 in terms of, no, no, you are the weakest link, goodbye, thank you. I'm going to claim that truth, 393 00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:36.000 that I am heard, that I am seen, that I am honoured, that I am respected, whatever it 394 00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:43.040 might be for you. Claim the truth, because the truth will set you free. So I'm just going to put 395 00:29:43.040 --> 00:29:53.920 in here, I am honoured, or I am valued. You've got to feel this for yourself. This is about 396 00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:59.440 declaration. So whatever your declarations are, or you speak your vision over yourself, or your 397 00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:00.000 values. 398 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.600 rules over yourself, or your new belief over yourself, whatever it is for you, get in that 399 00:30:05.600 --> 00:30:12.400 space and declare it. Could be a scripture that's just in your space in this time, but get 400 00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:20.000 claiming the goodness of God. So today we've covered off some core concepts. One is the 401 00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:26.800 great exchange. So identifying the unforgiveness, releasing those negative emotions and replacing 402 00:30:26.800 --> 00:30:32.560 them for the joy. And the other is really just being remember that you get the opportunity to 403 00:30:32.560 --> 00:30:38.560 get rid of your old baggage because it's your past. It's not part of here and experience your 404 00:30:38.560 --> 00:30:45.120 new inheritance and your new luggage. So what I'd like you to consider today is what are you going 405 00:30:45.120 --> 00:30:51.760 to do? What three at one to three actions are you going to do in the coming week? And I would 406 00:30:51.760 --> 00:30:59.360 suggest that for some of us, it's just to be aware, just to be aware of where I'm at. And then 407 00:31:00.320 --> 00:31:06.160 once we're aware, we actually pause, breathe, 408 00:31:08.560 --> 00:31:13.120 get into a space we need to be, so just quietly. Sometimes if you're at work and you're about to 409 00:31:13.120 --> 00:31:17.200 kick off, you know what, just go to the loo, wherever it is, just somewhere that's quiet, 410 00:31:17.200 --> 00:31:24.880 somewhere you can just think for a moment, pause, breathe and ask for the great exchange. 411 00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:32.720 What you might have to do before you ask is let go. So feel it, 412 00:31:35.200 --> 00:31:46.240 let go of it and then ask the great exchange. So just feel it. Yep. Get rid, let go and then 413 00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:52.720 replace it. Instead of this, I'm going to feel this and then see how that goes for you. 414 00:31:53.760 --> 00:31:57.760 And you might not have a third thing, you may or you may not, but that's what I would do 415 00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:05.600 in this coming week. And then the other thing I'd like you to do is just consider how you feel at 416 00:32:05.600 --> 00:32:11.760 the end of this coaching. So I'm now pretty much ready to go. So I'm going to say eight, 417 00:32:11.760 --> 00:32:15.520 which is new beginnings, because I've now got to get on with the rest of my day, 418 00:32:15.520 --> 00:32:23.600 but we're going to walk the dog shortly. And I am feeling, I am feeling, 419 00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:32.800 that was actually the word I had earlier, contemplative, because actually I'm going to 420 00:32:32.800 --> 00:32:37.840 have to think and work and absorb some of this. It's going to take me some time to think about 421 00:32:37.840 --> 00:32:44.080 this. So enjoy thinking about this over the weekend, enjoy thinking about this work. And I 422 00:32:44.080 --> 00:32:49.120 would, for those of you who are in membership, get this done, have a think about it. We'll 423 00:32:49.120 --> 00:32:54.000 unpack some more so that you can set your goals on Monday, clearly of what you want to achieve 424 00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:57.760 for the week. And don't forget, we've got to recap what you actually achieved from last week. 425 00:32:57.760 --> 00:33:04.480 And for those of you who are enjoying the DIY and doing it yourself, just let this sit for a day or 426 00:33:04.480 --> 00:33:11.360 two or for whatever, and sit and then work out what it is that you actually want to do in this 427 00:33:11.360 --> 00:33:17.680 coming week. And then have it in front of you, have it front facing. Send me a message, let me 428 00:33:17.680 --> 00:33:22.240 know what you're up to, what it is you're going to do with this training this week. And then let's 429 00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:28.720 keep each other accountable, because actually it's super good to be able to celebrate, to go, yay, 430 00:33:28.720 --> 00:33:37.280 you've done this. Very, very exciting. Alrighty, have an amazing week. Enjoy forgiving and letting 431 00:33:37.280 --> 00:33:46.640 go, because it brings us so much more. It lifts us up and it frees you. It doesn't mean that you 432 00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:52.640 condone what they did, but it frees you. So have an amazing, God-blessed week. I love you all.