Hey, everyone.
Happy Thursday.
It's so good to see everyone.
We have numbers going up, but no matter who's here, I believe everyone that's meant to be
here live will be here tonight, as well as those that will be watching the replay had
several people say they couldn't make it live and are looking forward to this.
You know, we pray every month for what are we supposed to do for the community in this
season, and we went back and forth on what tonight was going to be, and I wasn't even
supposed to be home tonight, and God just really changed things around, and he kept
saying to do the advanced heart work.
So that's what we're going to do tonight.
We're going to lean into what the Lord is trying to bring to the community, and what
is he trying to say?
How is he going to help each one of you hear what you need to hear to help you move forward?
And one of the things I will tell you all, for those of you that don't know, and you
all, when I say this, I'm doing really, really good, but I feel led to share this with all
of you all tonight, and actually I should pray first, because I know once I start going,
I'm going to be ready to get into gear here.
So Father, we just thank you for tonight.
We thank you, God, that you have secrets from heaven to show us, to reveal to us, that you
desire to bring things out of darkness into the light, so that you can help us not only
get unstuck, but to thrive in the season ahead.
God, we thank you that we would come out of mindsets and heart postures that don't belong
to heaven, that don't belong to you, that don't align with the fullness of your plans
and promises for us.
God, you have, God, you just have this amazing perspective when you look at us.
God, I pray that you would help us to see that a little bit more tonight, to hear that
a little bit more tonight.
Jesus, help us to come closer to you.
You are our friend.
You died and bore it all for our sins, for our freedom, for our liberation.
So whom the Son has set free is free indeed.
I thank you for the blood that was shed so that we can step into freedom, so that we
can come a little bit closer into relationship with you and the Father and the Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirit, we thank you that you're here.
We ask you to just come.
Come like you did in the time of Acts and just bring fresh fire.
Bring a transforming power and presence that could be just literally experienced tangibly
in their homes, that no matter where they're at, God, that they would hear your spirit
louder than any voice of the enemy.
And we just thank you in advance for all these things in Jesus' name.
So I wanted to share with all of you, for those of you that don't know, my father passed
away on February 28th.
If you don't know my story, and not that this makes it any easier, you all, but I have mourned
the loss of my father my entire life.
And when I say that, I say that because my dad left when I was literally a newborn.
And he came in and out of my life on occasion.
I have very little memories of my dad in my life.
And most of the memories I have, I was pursuing him.
I was pursuing him and it was never reciprocal.
And I'm not saying that to dishonor him.
I do love him.
I don't believe my father truly experienced the freedom that Christ had for him.
He was a believer, praise the Lord.
So he is in heaven.
I will get to see him again one day.
And when I see him that day, I will experience him in a completely different way than what
I experienced him here on earth.
Isn't that amazing?
That's what I'm clinging to.
But the reason I mentioned that to you tonight as I'm kicking off our heart work session
is this.
We traveled to Ohio last week.
And when we were getting ready for that, we were looking at, you know, airports to fly
into.
And I kept saying, let's just go to Canton Akron because I, you know, I know that airport,
you know, whatever.
I didn't want to go to Cleveland, you all.
So I kept trying to like make Cleveland Akron or Columbus or something else work.
And I'll explain why in a minute, but guess where the best tickets were the best direct
flight and all of the things anyone want to guess it was Cleveland.
Why didn't I want to go to Cleveland?
Well, here's why I haven't been back to Cleveland since I signed, like literally was in divorce
court.
That was the last time I was in Cleveland.
And I just really didn't want to go back there.
Here's the thing.
God wanted me to go back there.
And as we were preparing for this trip, God kept telling me, I'm sending you there to
reclaim territory.
And so I knew that in my spirit when we were going and as we were driving around and met
some friends there and had dinner and reclaim.
some territory in my own heart, not just there physically, in my own heart. And the other thing
is this, as we were driving around Cleveland, we passed this VA hospital sign. And it reminded me
that when I was a little girl, we had to drive to Cleveland several times after my dad had gotten
out of jail. He was in a VA hospital there in Cleveland. And that's where we went to visit him.
And I remember crying when we left because we had to leave and he had to stay.
And I'm sharing all of this with you because I'm also reclaiming territory
of the loss that I experienced as a kid with my dad.
Like God never intended any of that for me. And so tonight, that's what I'm opening with,
is that I believe in this season that God wants us as a community to not just have gone through
heartwork in the beginning, that we would continue heartwork, but in the idea, in the premise of
continuing to take territory in our own hearts, in our communities, in our families. And that when
we are stuck, instead of us getting frustrated with everybody around us and projecting things
onto other people, that we would look inward. Yes, yes, life is happening around us. Things
are happening that are going to offend us all the time. Being alive in this day and time,
it's offensive, if we're being honest, right? There's offensive things everywhere. And so
as we're pursuing the heart of the Father, Psalm 51, I think is where it's at,
creating me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit in me. And for years, I felt
led to pray that over and over and over, over myself. And that has come back more and more
and more in the last two weeks. I just hear it all the time. We were just at a conference in Orlando
and I'm telling you what, the Holy Spirit is on the move, you all. And He's on the move in all
of our lives. It's whether or not we believe that, that is going to be the key. So the next
thing I want to plant, I'm going to plant some seeds. And then after I've planted the seeds,
I'm going to open up the heartwork seat. So that's what we're going to do tonight. Just
like you all get into the love seat, I'm going to open up the heartwork seat. And anybody that
wants to ask any questions or process even things I'm saying tonight, or maybe you have something
that you're trying to date someone and you've got heartwork issues coming up, or maybe you
had something that happened on your job. It doesn't matter what it is. If you're stuck in an
area and you're really still struggling to get freedom, then let's work through some of that
tonight. And I'll take as many people as I can. So I'm just going to preface that at 915 or 930,
that's the latest I'm going to go tonight, we will close down. And we will try to do this again
if we need to do more. But here's the next thing I felt led to deposit. I was praying for all of
you tonight and just kind of preparing my heart to come on live. I was asking the Lord, what did
He have for us tonight? And I heard Him say, tell them that the Phoenix is rising. Y'all, I'm not
into mythical things, okay? So I want to preface that. Because if you know anything about the
Phoenix rising, it's a mythical bird. It's a mythical story. But I will tell you this,
over the years, God has shown me that image about myself. That God was calling me forth to rise from
the ashes. So here's a little bit of information. The myth of the Phoenix, the mythical bird,
rises from its ashes at the end of its cycle after building a nest and igniting it. So igniting
it, I think, I didn't research this incredibly, but I believe that means setting it on fire.
All right, symbolizing renewal and rebirth. Okay, so here's the thing. What stood out to me in that
was after building a nest and igniting it, I asked the Lord what the nest represented. Now, again,
y'all, if you know all this stuff and you know all about it, you might believe something different.
But I'm just telling you what God spoke to me tonight. And He said, the nest is symbolizing
comfort zones, negative and limiting mindsets, and attitudes and heart postures that don't
sound like heaven. That's what He said. And so I'm sharing that with you before we do heart work,
because y'all, we need to get uncomfortable.
with how okay we are with our negativity,
with our comfort zones, with the way we limit God,
myself included.
Like in the last couple of weeks,
God has been challenging me regarding even, you know,
the way, like I said, I was thinking about Cleveland.
That was, I was allowing myself to remain stuck
over something that I'm like-
Does that one have an EMS?
No.
Make sure y'all mute yourself when you come in, please.
So why would I do that when I carry the power
of the risen Jesus Christ in me
and everywhere I go, I have authority.
So why would I avoid a place when I'm taking him there
and he's already gone before me as well?
So how many of you,
this is why I'm telling all these stories tonight.
How many of you are avoiding places, people, things,
because someone took something from you there
and it's time to pray.
I'm not telling you, everybody just go.
I'm saying pray and ask the Lord when you should go back
and you don't have to encounter people that were unhealthy.
I didn't go and search out my ex-husband
or anything like that, but I went and I just said,
okay, Lord, whatever you want me to do.
And I ended up setting up a dinner with some friends
I haven't seen in over 10 years.
And then some other people as the Lord led me to.
So maybe some of you in these full circle moments
that Jackie's even been talking about
and declared what happened in 2025,
maybe some of it has to do with heartwork
and reclaiming territory, getting out of our comfort zone
and shifting the attitudes and heart postures
that some of us have kind of just settled into
even at the end of 2024, whether we wanted to or not.
When life happens and hard things happen,
so often, I don't know about you all,
have you ever encountered somebody
and just being around them, you feel yourself pull back?
Does anyone else ever do that?
Because I know that happens for me.
And so I want you to know that if you feel that
and experience that, there's nothing wrong with you.
It's a part of our flesh
and there's all these different lies
and things we're believing and perceiving
and some of them are true.
I'm not saying that if we recognize someone's unhealthy,
that we shouldn't be careful,
but what in us needs healing
that's causing us to pull away from people
and go back into isolation in one way, shape or form.
Because I believe God wants us to keep showing up
in the fullness of who he created us to be.
How many of us aren't operating and giftings
and things that we love and aren't living life
to the fullest because somebody hurt us
or somebody said we weren't good at that or whatever.
So again, I'm kind of tossing a bunch of seeds right now
and trusting the Holy Spirit's gonna work in this
and weave it together for his purpose.
So the next thing I felt led to talk about was identity.
In order to shift into a new season,
every new season requires an identity shift.
So as God is trying to lead you into a new season,
how many of you have upgraded in your identity
and your understanding of how God sees you,
how you are here to exist in this world
and not just exist, but to, as I prayed earlier,
thrive and take land and influence and love
and experience and laugh and all of the things?
A new identity forces out the limitations
of the past season.
So how many of you have been facing limitations
in one way, shape or form?
You feel like you're trying to move forward
and you hit a wall, you feel that limitation
or that fear of like, can I do this?
Do I have any words that matter?
Will what I write influence and help anybody?
I mean, come on, let's all just be real honest
with ourselves.
How many of you are like, you're out there trying to date
and the enemy's just telling you left and right
how you're just not enough?
And it's not true.
And until we come out of agreement and alignment
with that stuff fully,
it's hard for us to keep partnering with the truth.
So when we have a hard time coming out of alignment
with the lies, well, that's a revealing for healing
that we...
we have more healing to do.
Yes, it's going to be on replay, Brittany.
It'll be available under all replay tab.
If you're feeling those limitations,
if you're feeling that fear rise up,
fear is false evidence appearing real.
You guys are going to hear me tell you that over and over and
over in this community because we forget it.
Anxiety fuels the fear.
If you're trying to date or you're trying to go into a new job,
or you're trying to do anything that's
forward movement and the enemy is trying to hold you back,
and all you're hearing are lies and fear,
well, what are those connected to?
What pain from your past is still in there that needs healing?
Like the little girl in me that was crying and sad when I had to
leave my dad because I never got to see him, you all.
Hardly ever because my dad had
massive addiction problems and got himself into trouble all the time.
I remember being so embarrassed when kids would ask about my parents growing up,
and I never would tell somebody that my dad was in jail,
let alone all the other stuff that was going on.
These things are in us and we heal in layers.
I always remind you all,
healing happens in layers.
Even though I have done a tremendous amount of work around my family,
and all of those situations,
God is still in his goodness,
lovingly saying, I have more for you.
I have more for you in the understanding of who I am as a good father,
because I had a dad that was always there for me,
that never left me nor forsake me,
that even when my mother and father forsake me,
he never did.
Is it the same?
No, not 100 percent in the sense of, yeah,
I needed a dad to hug me and love me and show up for
my concerts and not say he'd be there and not show up.
I needed that, I wanted that,
but ultimately at the end of the day,
over and over and over,
God continues to show me how he showed up for me.
That's another thing that I'm trying to convey tonight in your identity,
how are you looking at yourself through the lens of your past and the pain still,
that it's causing you to show up differently in the world that you're living in right now,
and how you're showing up with people.
After Adam and Eve had sinned,
in Genesis 3, 8-11, it says this,
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden
in the cool of the day and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
But the Lord God called to the man,
where are you?
Adam answered him,
I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.
Verse 11 says, and this is God talking to Adam,
who told you that you were naked?
Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?
I use this content that I'm giving you right now in heart work all the time.
I've adopted this recently.
God started putting this together and it's been helping so many people.
And I don't know how many of you have heard it before,
but I'm believing even if you've heard it before,
that God's going to give you an upgrade through it tonight.
But God is seeing some of you and you're hiding.
You're hiding because of your nakedness, whatever that means for you.
And he's saying, come out.
Come out from wherever you are.
Because he never intended for us to hide there.
And he wants to call you out.
In a nice sense, in a kind sense, not because he's trying to hurt you,
because he has more for you.
Who or what are you currently getting your identity from?
Are you getting it from money?
Are you getting it from your status in your job?
Are you getting it from what somebody says about you,
whether that somebody is a dating person that you've met,
or a friend, or your family?
Are you getting it from maybe you're in ministry and the people,
like you just, you know, you're always looking for that next affirmation
from somebody, because you still have a void in you that can't,
it like literally can't be filled by anything but God.
But we're looking for everybody to affirm us all the time.
So has what you've eaten.
So when I say this eaten, I'm kind of referencing our trauma,
things that we've experienced in the life that we've lived,
the things that we've witnessed,
not just what's been done to us, you all,
but also what we saw.
I shared this in the heart work literally on Monday night.
Y'all are learning a little bit more about me tonight.
And I don't want you to feel bad for me
because I genuinely,
I wouldn't go back through any of these things.
I wouldn't choose them,
but they've made me who I am.
And I believe that God continues to use all of the pain
that I've been through for purpose
and to help set other people free.
And so I'm sharing these stories
because I hope it helps you get freedom.
When I was in fourth grade,
my mom and my brother and my sister
were hit by a drunk driver,
and it was really bad, you all.
My brother was in a coma for a really long time,
had to learn how to do everything again,
like literally eat, walk, all the things.
He was sent away to rehab for a very long time.
My sister had to have brain surgery.
It was a very scary time.
I was in fourth grade, so I was nine years old.
And my mom, my mom was a single mom,
had to leave and go to another town far away
to take care of my brother
all the time in the rehab hospital.
And so I was left alone a lot.
And so one of the biggest lies the enemy told me
all the time was that I was neglected.
I was forgotten.
Like people didn't care about me.
But that wasn't truth.
But that over the years, I ate that stuff in a sense.
I believed it because I didn't know any better.
But as God has continued to heal me,
I know the truth now.
I know the truth.
My mom loved me,
but my mom was doing the best she could
to go and take care of my brother and my sister
who were in totally different hospitals.
And then there was also another brother
and still trying to work
in all the things she was doing her best.
I see things differently now.
So what have you eaten and taken in through trauma?
Oh, this was what else I was gonna say.
I wasn't in that accident.
I didn't see that accident,
but that accident that my family was in caused trauma.
And so some of you haven't really realized
even some of the things you've seen in life
or saw someone else go through that's caused you pain.
Are you getting your identity
from what people have said to you?
Like maybe you were married.
I'm just gonna say to the men,
I married to an amazing man,
but his ex-wife, his former wife,
used to say horrible, horrible things to him.
So when we first met,
he would tell me he was sorry all the time for everything,
over and over and over.
And I'll be like, why are you saying sorry?
You don't gotta say sorry.
You didn't do anything.
So we worked on that a lot,
but I want y'all to be thinking about
what have people said to you,
whether it's when you were young, growing up,
even recently, that when they said it,
you received it as truth.
You subconsciously didn't even stop that
enough to say, is this truth about me?
What has the enemy been saying to you?
I know you all, I went to Orlando,
like I said, we were there last week.
Two times when I sat down, two different days,
when I sat down to do my devotions and read my Bible
and just spend time with the Lord,
just for me, not for anybody else,
but just for me, I'm not joking you all.
I just kept getting attacked in my mind
with like lustful thoughts and stuff
that I just don't even think about.
And I'm not saying that because I'm like perfect.
I'm just saying that's not stuff I think about.
And thankfully, I recognized it so quick
and I was thinking, huh, I'm in a new city.
And the devil is trying to attack my mind
and just send this stuff.
And so I just prayed a hedge of protection over my mind
and I'm like, devil, I'm not even thinking on that stuff
and I just resist you right now
in Jesus name.
And do you know that it literally stopped?
Sometimes it's not that quick,
but I just want you all to know
the enemy is always trying to get in our minds
and then that can get down into our hearts and our souls.
At the end of tonight, I hope that you're starting to see
more and more of who God says you are.
That's kind of my key tonight.
So when we have these identities struggles,
if you will, I'm just gonna call it that.
Oftentimes we've forgotten to look at our root system.
So what I mean by that is I want you all
to be thinking about healthy roots produce healthy fruit.
And I want you all to be thinking about
healthy roots produce healthy fruit.
Unhealthy root, it's gonna produce unhealthy fruit.
And I want you all to be thinking about
So if you have an unhealed situation from the past,
healthy roots produce healthy fruit.
no matter how amazing you are,
you're gonna carry that into every relationship,
whether it's romantic, friendship,
community at church, wherever, okay?
I'm just gonna pop in this little bit
from the HeartWork book.
I know y'all have read it,
but I'm just gonna bring it in because it's important.
It's the fruits versus roots section,
and this is what it says.
Fruits are the emotional or physical manifestations
and the subsequent actions you have been taking
as a result of what you believe in your heart.
Fruits might include sickness, self-pity,
a victim mentality, despair, not sadness,
suicidal tendencies, disgust, and judgment.
Just a side note,
if you have a problem with judging other people,
it's because you have a fragmented heart.
A judgmental heart is a hurting heart.
Guess what, y'all?
People who are easily offended all the time
about all kinds of stuff, that goes right in there, okay?
That's a signal that you have brokenness in there
that's causing you to be offended all the time.
I'm gonna keep going.
So more fruits are this.
These are unhealthy fruits, okay?
So these unhealthy fruits come from the unhealthy roots.
I gotta make sure I get it straight.
Obesity, perversion, addiction, sexual dysfunction.
Y'all can include pornography addiction
or any kind of addiction and dysfunction there.
Hopelessness, hatred, self-hatred.
And she goes on to say, just so you know,
all forms of hatred begin with self-hatred.
You can't hate someone else without first hating yourself.
Abrasiveness, short temper, irritability,
jealousy, envy, competitiveness, comparing,
gossiping, backstabbing, being unhappy, ungrateful,
selfishness, having a poverty mentality.
So in any way, shape, or form,
poverty mentality isn't always money.
A lot of times it is.
But y'all, even poverty mentality is like,
when we talk about even having scarcity mindsets
regarding there's not enough good men
or there's not enough good women or whatever,
there's, you know, God always skips me over.
He blesses everybody else and he doesn't bless me.
Those are poverty-limiting beliefs
and it partners with that scarcity mindset.
Here's some more.
If you are habitually negative, unfaithful,
or have any form of dis, including dis-ease,
disconnection, discontent, and disappointment,
you are suffering from a broken heart.
I could go on and on.
As you can see, what we often believe is the problem
is just the fruit of the real problem.
Gayle, the page that that is on in the physical book
is 70 and 71.
And so that's for anybody else who wanted to know that too.
But that's not the ebook page.
So if y'all have the ebook,
you'll just have to look, you know,
for that in the chapters and you'll see it.
It's one of the bold-faced things.
So, okay, here's kind of my thing to tie it together.
Jackie posted something in the groups today
about it being the first day of spring.
Praise the Lord, spring is here.
Now I live in Florida, so it's been beautiful
the whole time when y'all have been experiencing
some of the cold weather where you're at,
but it is spring and we wanna step into the new season.
So that's kind of where I started tonight, if you remember.
And with the whole identity thing,
like in order to step into our new season,
man, let's get an upgrade in our understanding
of our identity in Christ, not our identity in people,
not what we perceive just of ourselves,
but God, who do you say that I am?
Who do you say?
Who did you originally create me to be
and help me to step further into that every day,
that person?
Y'all, the original design that God intended for you,
what we say in this community,
what that means is before sin and trauma
ever entered your life.
So we, at least from my perspective,
I can only perceive slightly what that look,
what that version of Bethany looks like.
So that's why every day I need to ask the Lord,
help me to become more like who you saw.
Like the day that God created us,
y'all, this is how he felt.
He's like, oh, Shannon.
Man, I'm so excited to create Shannon.
I've got this and I'm putting this in her
and I see this dream for her
and I have this anointing and this calling for her
and she's gonna go into the world
and she's gonna help these kind of people.
You know, he was excited when he made us,
but we believe he...
He's, you know, doesn't like to hear from us.
And if we ask God for anything, we're annoying him and all these things.
Why do we think that stuff you all?
Why?
Because at some point, somebody that was supposed to care for us, even
if they were doing their best again, remember my mom's story, she was
actually doing her best and sometimes people's best isn't super healthy
though, either.
Okay.
So let's acknowledge that.
But sometimes they're trying to do their best, but maybe their best is being
conveyed through their own brokenness.
And so they said something along the way that made us feel like
we annoyed them as their kid.
I feel the Holy spirit on this.
So I'm going to linger for a minute.
Let's just activate you a minute.
I want to see how many of you have ever, maybe it's not a parent, but
maybe it was a teacher, maybe it was a friend.
I want to see how many people believe that you have annoyed people that you loved.
A lot of us, here's the thing.
Can I just share a little secret with you?
You're going to annoy your spouse one day and it's okay.
Cause that's just how life is.
Okay.
But let's not believe the lie.
Here's the difference.
Thank you, Jesus.
I just heard the Lord say, um, there's a difference between being annoying and
annoying someone, being annoying inside of us is something that we actually align
with and we believe it's a part of who we are, like a character definition.
Whether we like mean to or not, that that's something some of us believe
subconsciously, because again, somewhere along the way, something happened that
caused us to believe that we were annoying or, you know, that, you know,
anytime we needed anything, we should feel bad for that thing that we need,
whether that's love or food or affection or whatever I don't know about you all.
But when I was married the first time, heaven forbid, I wanted a hug or, you
know, just love and affection that was withheld on purpose from me.
That's hard.
Right.
But guess what?
That's not how it is for me now.
So I'm just going to speak that over all of you that have experienced that ever in
your life.
God has something better for you and somebody better for you that will, will
not withhold love from you or affection.
But also the flip side of this is we've got to get healthy as an individual before
we go into relationship, because if we don't, and we're super needy and broken,
and even when they love us, it's just not enough ever.
That's on us.
We got to heal so that we don't become like that on other people where it's just
constantly pulling on them and pulling on them and pulling on them.
Right.
So let's get healthy.
So two individuals who are healthy can make a great partner team together and be
strong.
All right.
So spring, stepping into spring, let's get some new identity.
Jackie put in the groups today.
What did you learn in the last season?
I want you all to be thinking about it.
Let's not just look at what we still need to accomplish, but what did we already
accomplish?
What did we already accomplish?
How many of you actually, let me do another thing.
How many of you, I'm going to lower all hands before I do this.
How many of you celebrated yourself?
And I'm going to do a short timeframe here because this, this is intentional.
How many of you have actually celebrated yourself?
What I mean by that is you've celebrated a win, like you were proud of yourself.
You've celebrated a win.
You did like, okay, wait, don't lift, don't lift hands yet.
Wait, wait, wait.
I want, I'm going to give you a timeframe in the last day, literally within the
last 24 hours, you've been like, man, I'm proud of you.
I mean, I see David's name.
I'm proud of you, David.
I'm so, I'm so excited that I accomplished, you know, whether it was a fitness
goal or I read my Bible, I spent time with the Lord.
Okay.
So we have some people that are good at celebrating themselves.
Awesome.
Okay.
So now I just want to talk to the people that might not have done that.
I want you to ask the Lord, not me, not somebody else, not even yourself.
I want you to ask the Lord, what is it that you want to accomplish?
I want you to ask the Lord, why?
Lord, can you reveal to me why I struggle?
to celebrate myself because here's the thing when we struggle to celebrate
ourselves guess what we're gonna struggle to celebrate other people too
and typically when we struggle to celebrate ourselves it's because it
goes back to kind of that self-hatred thing I read about a little bit ago we
don't actually like ourselves and I know a lot of you be like oh church I like
myself I love myself okay I love myself too but at one point in my journey I had
to actually admit to myself the areas that I didn't like about myself and
that's when I started getting breakthrough because I was being honest
with myself and I was being honest with God and I'm not just I'm not just
talking about the you know the body shame stuff that people do I am talking
about that that's included in there but what I'm talking about is genuinely like
man not in a prideful way but just like gosh like Eva I'm so I'm so excited
about that step that you took to get out of your comfort zone I don't I'm just
pulling people's names as God is highlighting people to me but you know
where we're really like gosh it was hard to go on that speed dating event and and
I did it and I talked to people and like where you're like celebrating it
not how many men got your number yeah that's cool but like the fact that you
that you went and did something that maybe you haven't done before or you
know you you did practice having you know that eye contact with the men we
talked men just if you don't know we talked about this in the women's group
this is something that God has really just shown me I used to be so afraid
because I was traumatized by so many men in my life I couldn't even look at men
in the eye I even kind men I would look away like and God had to really help me
come out of that and now I'm just like I can shake a guy's hand confident I can
look him in the eye I can talk but it took work it took practice and it took
healing and here because I see myself way different now than I did back then
all right I think I've planted almost enough seeds I have one more Jackie said
what are you leaving behind and winter winter is over so as the Phoenix is
rising it's you know coming up out of the ashes it's burning the nest if you
will so God's gonna I believe come in and kind of burn up our comfort zone get
us out of our our little nest and places of you know negativity and you know the
winter it's you know I don't know about any of y'all it's it can be cut well
Florida thankfully is more sunny which I'm so glad I moved here but when I
lived in Ohio or Indiana and it was just gray all the time in the winter it was
hard I was just like where is the Sun God I need the Sun I literally would
talk to him about that please God let the Sun shine tomorrow right but
winter's over so now what are you gonna do with the spring what are you leaving
behind in the winter and deciding like hey I'm gonna be somebody different
tomorrow I'm not just for a moment but like literally like I'm gonna Lord I'm
gonna do what it takes to continue to connect to you to use the tools that I
learned in heartwork yep I want y'all to keep using the tools you learned in
heartwork that's why I'm here tonight I'm your cheerleader Jackie's your
cheerleader and you're dating and I am too but I'm here cheering you on in your
heartwork because heartwork is a lifestyle not the ICU heartwork a
bootcamp but heartwork is a lifestyle every day we can become I want upgrades
from heaven every day I want a new body I want a new mind I want a new spirit
every day and we can have that y'all can have that so now I'm gonna open the
heartwork seat hopefully I've tossed enough out there to kind of get some
things stirred up and y'all hopefully I didn't hurt anybody too much bringing up
you know pain and all that stuff but if you are super triggered I want you to
know that you don't have to stay there and God's got you and he'll help you
work through anything that's gotten stirred up and maybe a little bit too
much if that's the case for you Lauren I would love to hear your question or your
thoughts or whatever you have to share I just wanted to ask okay I just wanted to
ask a question about dealing with grief and having a capacity to continue moving
ahead and moving forward and grieving at the same time there's a couple things
that are bringing grief into my life.
One of them is my grandmother,
who is like my bestest friend in the whole world,
is they're expected to go any day now.
And we've been saying our goodbyes.
And so my capacity for being on apps
and dating has been very, very low.
But I don't wanna stay there either.
So I was curious about balance
and how to process through that part as I'm moving forward.
Yeah, man, that's such a great question.
And here's my honest response.
I think, A, first ask the Lord
what your capacity is right now.
And I say that because I don't know if y'all know,
but the same day my dad got sick, I got real sick.
Or I'm sorry, the day my dad passed away,
I got really, really sick.
And I was sick for, felt like forever, you all.
And I couldn't even hardly do work.
I couldn't, I was trying to focus on the computer.
I literally couldn't even, I felt like I couldn't do stuff.
And I'm saying that to you to say this.
I had to admit to myself that I just was at capacity
for however long that took.
And that was hard to do,
because I'm a go-getter.
I like to be active.
I like to be doing stuff.
And I just was laid out for like a week, at least.
And so I think grief is very similar.
Like every time I've been sick,
it's been a little different.
Every time I've lost someone I love,
it's a little different.
When I lost my grandfather,
my grandfather was really the one that showed up
like my dad, like as a dad, as close as a dad could be.
And when he passed away, it took me longer.
And some days I would, you know,
in the morning be happy and by the evening be sobbing.
And I wasn't trying to date at that time.
I was actually, that was in my former marriage.
But one of the things I will say is that
if you do slightly press pause for right now,
it doesn't mean you're putting yourself in timeout.
It means that you're giving yourself
capacity to process, right?
So for example, the reason I shared that about my dad,
it's not that I haven't had stuff to process, y'all.
I did, I cried.
You know, I've mourned more for my dad
over the relationship we never got to have
versus him passing.
And so that's just looked a little different.
And for me, the other thing,
and maybe some of y'all will relate to this,
the one day someone that doesn't really know my story,
cause we pastor a church here in Florida
and the people are still getting to know us.
They just don't know a lot about us yet.
And this woman came up and she was like crying,
sad, you know, heard that I lost my dad.
And I was just standing there like,
I don't, in my mind thinking,
I don't feel what she feels right now.
And this feels awkward.
You know, that was just in my head,
but that's how I was, that's what I was processing.
And so the reason I'm sharing this with you is that
sometimes other people feel something
because of what they felt when they lost someone.
And that kind of gets projected.
And not that that's to necessarily answer your question,
but like for anybody else that's hearing this too,
like just know that whatever you feel
and however you feel it
and however long it takes you to process it is okay.
And everybody grieves differently.
So if you have siblings
that are also going through this process,
they may grieve totally different than you
and all of the things.
And so I'm not sure if I answered fully your question.
Did I answer what you were hoping to get out of that?
The one thing that I would also say
since I'm in here doing a heart work tonight
is one of the most important things
that I've learned from grieving loss of loved ones
or even just, you know, friends or whatever.
Like if a friend, thank you, Lord.
You know, I've had friends that literally
for no reason y'all genuinely have left my life
and just like not been a friend anymore.
And so people can grieve that kind of stuff too.
And so I think it's important to bring that in,
not that it's the same,
but it can feel like somebody died, right?
When somebody is abruptly kind of just gone from your life.
And so what I was gonna say is that
just give yourself a lot of grace
and don't put a lot of expectations on yourself.
If you feel like getting on the dating app one day
and chatting, then do it.
And if you don't, then don't.
You know, if you have conversations going on
with someone that are actually going well,
you might wanna let them know like,
hey, you know, I'm just gonna like take a break
for a little bit,
processing, some family things, you don't need to tell them that
you're grieving a parent, you know, those are the kind of
things you don't have to get into when you all are just
chatting on the dating app, but just, you know, and if if they're
a healthy person, they'll understand. Yeah. Good question.
Anyone else? Anyone else got any stuff they're stuck in and you
need some insight on maybe why you're stuck? All right, Mandy.
Hi. Howdy. So as we inch closer and closer to this wedding, we're
like 63 days away or something. I am realizing that my
relationship with money is and how always has been pretty
negative. And Matt is really positive. And he sees money as
a tool and he's good with money. But anytime money comes up,
which it does a lot when you're planning a wedding, and trying
to blend families and children and buy new houses and all of
that, like it just I just when I pray about it, when I journal
about it, it just keeps coming back to like, I need to break
up with my relationship with money. And I just I don't know
how to break out of like, I don't know the I've asked for
God to like review where this like to reveal to me where this
is stemming from. Yeah, only thing that I can think of is
that my parents have always fought had always fought about
money when I was a kid. And up until my dad passed away, and
then in my former marriage, it was always a huge point of
contention. And even part of like what brought up about the
divorce. And so I don't know if like, if it's a new or so I
just, and it could be anything, I guess. Because I don't really
care what the root is so much as just like, how do I sever that
and like bind it up and put a pretty bow on it and move
forward and be able to see money that is God's resource and a
tool that he's allowing me to use. I don't know where the
disconnect is, like, how can I say that? But I, it doesn't,
it's not real to me anytime a conversation has to happen.
Yeah, these are great questions. So the first thing that I would
say is, I really think you got to go step by step. So like, for
example, um, when you mentioned the former marriage and huge
contention there, even if you've worked through healing and that
stuff before, you're in a totally different space now in
dynamic and situation. And so, as you're saying, as kind of
that pressure is getting applied in a new way. And it's not a bad
pressure, but it's a good pressure. It's it's causing
things to come up now, which is a new layer of healing.
Remember, I said that earlier, so I would encourage you to go
back to the revealing for healing cycle. And just start
with the first emotion, like how the cycle or the lie that's
coming up, you know, like, what is the lie that you're
experiencing when you're feeling that, you know, stuff
regarding money? Is it? Well, let me ask you this, too, when
you have this stuff going on regarding money? How do you
feel? Do you feel panic? Do you feel fear? Do you feel angry? Do
you feel like what is the feeling happening emotion?
Probably a combination of like, anxiousness, like anxiety, or,
oh, I hate to say this out loud, but like shame, because I'm not
financially free, or you know what I mean? I haven't made good
money choices. Or if I've tried, those were taken by my former
husband's, you know what I mean? Like things like that. So I
think it's both anxiety, because I think there was a part of me
when I decided to leave that I felt like I will never be
caught. I don't for lack of a better word with my pants down
again, like I will ensure that my kids and I can eat and that
we are not in in our in danger of losing our housing, you know
what I mean? Things like that, that we had experienced. And so
it was more like I will not will not. And so I feel like there's
a part of it that's control, even though I've really sorted
out that with the Lord, and I freely give and you know what
I'm saying? Like,
well, you're you're gonna be giving someone trust again.
Right. And so as we enter this new level, and let me let me
tell you this. So interestingly enough, I don't know if you
know this about me. But that was one of my big struggles and
concerns and pursuing the relationship and marriage with
Brian, not because Brian Brian's amazing with money. But because
of all the trauma I went through with money with my ex, I got
truck repoed and houses we got evicted from like he couldn't
keep a job and I like I had a great job. I was good with
money.
But like we just went through the ringer over and over because of his decisions.
And, and so, um, and then some other thing, big, huge financial things that
he caused that hurt my whole family.
Um, and so over and over, you know, even we're two and a half years in, and I'm
still processing being comfortable letting him, you know, have, like
bringing more into that union.
Does that make sense what I'm saying?
So it's like learning to trust more, learning to trust more, choosing to know
that, okay, like this, this person isn't the same as the other person, you know,
where you're really allowing God to come in and give that truth.
But the only way through, uh, is to continue to process that pain from the
past I wrote down, I don't know, and I'm not saying you have this, but I wrote
down PTSD because when we go through traumas like that, where money is a,
you know, you said you grew up, your parents always thought about money.
And then you said until my dad passed away.
And for whatever reason, I'm just wondering if there was also financial
strain after your dad passed away.
So I don't know if there was, but that came up in my spirit when you said that.
And then you said my former marriage and there was all this huge
contention around money over and over.
So that's reinforcing what you had already experienced as a kid.
And it's starting to create a stronghold now.
And so now what you're, what's happening is God's trying to help you come out of
that stronghold place, and that's why it takes time because you're, you're breaking
through the power of the Holy spirit.
Those walls are coming down.
Right.
And you're getting free and free a little bit more every time you're going in and
okay, Lord, this is what's coming up.
Not just, not just that lump sum.
Okay.
Former marriage, huge contention, but what are the actual things that are coming up?
Like specific things that happened with your ex that you would then use that
revealing for healing cycle, but also the forgiveness prayer sheet and just
keep processing those things out.
Well, and I think something came up when, as you were talking, like the
light bulb went on, or I heard in my spirit, I saw, I saw a conversation.
I saw a very, um, vividly a conversation with my mom about how, um,
like, I think money was really tight after my dad passed.
Cause it was like, gosh, you are costing me so much money.
And so I felt really unworthy of like needing lunch money for
school or a field trip or whatever.
And so I think as Matt and I plan a wedding and he's like, oh my gosh, a DJ
is how much I feel that same, like, I guess I don't, we don't, maybe we don't
need one, you know, like maybe I'm, I'm so sorry that I asked for that.
Um, and because I was unemployed for so long, like it really is him
paying for most everything, you know?
And so, um, I, I think what you just showed me is I think that's the root.
I think it's a weirdness.
What you said is you just said that is your mom said to you, you, you
Mandy are costing me so much money.
And so interesting that tonight, you know, we're talking about identity.
So I think you really probably need to go to the Lord and just ask him to
reveal if there's anything else around that memory or any other times where
your mom might've said something or done something that caused you to feel like
you were a burden, not a blessing, right.
Um, that's connected right now specifically to money, but other things
may also come up, but then also, you know, everyone, and I'll say this to
everyone, remember, as you all process these things, you're not stopping there.
You're going all the way through to the truth.
So what does God say?
So that ties into our identity stuff tonight, but also here's the other thing.
We've got to come out of alignment and agreement with the lie that we believe.
So when mom said to you, you meant like, you know, I'm saying you Mandy, but like
you are costing me so much money, Lord.
What's the lie I believed that I partnered with in that time.
So if the lie was, I'm a burden, then you come out of agreement.
You literally say out loud in Jesus name.
I come out of agreement with the lie that I'm a burden.
And I come into agreement with the truth that I'm a blessing or
whatever God leads you to say.
But I'm just giving you an example there that you could, you could use
and actually put into practice.
Yeah.
Wonderful.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Y'all.
This is so good.
Ruth, go ahead.
Ruth, are you still there?
Do you want to go?
Sorry.
I was trying to figure out how to unmute.
Oh, that's all right.
I'm cooking.
So I'm not on camera.
That's totally.
Totally fine.
Hi, thanks for having me.
So my question is I'm in a level three relationship.
It's going well, but I'm having,
I'm an anxiously attached person
and I'm having some anxious attachment come up
and I'm finding it's hard to focus on the relationship
and be present to get to know this person
in a discovery fashion without feeling like I need to know
if this is the one because I want that security
that he's not gonna leave me.
And I know that's not healthy
or a good way to go about a relationship
because we have to be able to have, you know,
objective like decision whether or not this is a good match
for the long run.
And it's not fair to him to try to have him
Yeah.
That fear in me because he can't say that for himself
either, you know?
Right, so here's the first thing.
And I understand, okay, so when I say this,
I don't want you to feel bad.
I never want anyone to ever feel shame.
So if anybody ever feels that,
just know that's the enemy trying to put that on you
cause that's not my heart for anything
I ever say to any of y'all.
But if you notice what you said
when you first started talking is you said,
I'm an anxious attached person.
So you've partnered with that's a part of your makeup now.
And so what I want you to start to do is start shifting
from I'm an anxious attached person
to I struggle sometimes with anxious attachment.
Okay.
Okay, cause here's why.
Years ago, I used to really, really struggle
with massive anxiety.
It was partnered with fear.
Like I literally was terrified of the dark,
like all kinds of fear stuff.
And after I gave my life to the Lord,
I really had overcome a lot of that.
And then I went through some trauma many, many years later
that literally because I believe the lie in that trauma,
it like opened the door to that stuff again,
like Pandora's box.
Literally, it felt like it just flooded right back in.
And so I was struggling with anxiety and fear again.
And the one day I was driving to work
and some of y'all might've heard me tell this story before,
but I literally was like, God, why did you make me this way?
Like, cause I was mad.
Like I was so tired of feeling so much anxiety and fear.
And he said, I didn't.
And I was like, yeah, you did.
Like, I was like, I was like arguing with the Lord,
like, yeah, you did, or I wouldn't be this way.
And he said, no, Bethany, I did not put anxiety in you.
Y'all, he doesn't put that stuff in us when he makes us.
We learn that and we partner with that
because we believe lies as a result of trauma.
It happens when we fragment, when we go through pain.
Okay, so when we claim these things over ourselves,
we are agreeing with a lie.
So I know we talk a lot about attachment styles in here,
and it's important because we're a date,
like we coach you on dating in addition to heartwork
and all these things, but we have to be very careful
that we don't claim that stuff as this is who I am.
This is just the way I am.
And I'm just always gonna be like this,
because here's the other thing is I used to struggle
with anxious attachment as well.
And I learned how to attach securely the more I healed.
And so what I would say is when you feel
that anxious stuff come up,
what is the lie that you're believing when that happens?
So for me, one of the things, one time,
and I was already in relationship with Brian,
I'd already met Brian.
He had told me that he wasn't feeling well
and he was gonna rest.
And I was fine, I was at work.
And then I didn't hear from him for like really,
really, really long time.
And I started having these thoughts that like he died.
No joke.
Why would I think that?
Well, because the enemy knows all the things
I've been through in my life,
including like that accident that I told you about.
I've lost so many people,
but no, I didn't lose those family members
in one way or shape or form.
Like my sister was never the same after that.
So something was feeding that stuff in me.
And so I had to look at it.
Like, why would, Lord, where did this come from?
Like, you know, when, when you hear the sirens and you're, you first thought is
like, Oh my God, is my kid, did something happen to my kid?
That stuff comes from, that's from the devil, y'all that stuff's from the
devil and the enemy wants us to get caught up in that.
So first ask yourself, Ruth, when, when that's happening, okay,
what's, what's the lie I'm believing.
You mentioned fear, and you also said security that he's not going to leave.
So even if you had amazing parents at some point, cause I can't remember
a full year story, Ruth, I'm so sorry.
I know who you are and I know who's talking to me, even though
I don't see you on the camera.
Um, but I don't recall your story.
So you might've had great parents or maybe not, but if we are afraid of losing
security, either we've experienced that in relationship when we were dating
or prior marriages or whatever, or also, you know, growing up where we lost
that sense of security that we needed.
And so we are always kind of anxiously trying to feel that security.
And so, um, when we get that security in Christ, you all honest to goodness,
guess what anybody can like, even my, these friends, this, these couple people.
Yeah.
It's been hard when a friend just decides like, Hey, they just go in a
different way and that's cool.
You know, sometimes you just know seasons change you all and it's okay.
But there's, there's a healthy way to like close that chapter.
And when a friend doesn't close it in that healthy way, and they're just
kind of, they eject themselves from your life, you know, it doesn't feel secure.
Does it?
But if my security was in that friendship, I'd be in trouble.
Because I would allow that to define me and cause me to feel all, you know, kind
of all the things we're talking about.
And so I'm not saying you don't feel secure at all in your relationship with
the Lord, so please don't hear that.
But what I am saying is I think we can all row in our understanding of our
security in Christ, like he's got you.
And you know, when we pray the armor of God over ourselves, you all, do you
know that that actually, what we're praying is that like we're, we're
putting ourselves in God, like he's the armor it's him.
And so maybe even just be praying that over yourself.
When I used to feel anxious, Ruth, literally one of the things I would do
is I would go do something opposite.
I'm not, I'm not joking.
If I felt anxious to text or I needed security or something from somebody, I
would literally like, if I needed security, I would go somewhere private,
even when I was at work and I would just go pray, even if it was for a minute,
like God, like help me to feel secure in you help me overcome fear because I
don't have a spirit of fear because I, Bethany, at the time I was staying, go
have a spirit of love and of power and of a sound mind, and I can be at peace
because God is my peace.
And I would just talk to myself.
I'm y'all people that know me.
They know if they see me talking and no one's around, I'm not crazy.
I just, I like to pray and I like to talk out loud because that's
when the power for me came.
Because guess what?
If I'm speaking truth, the devil can't get in my mind at the same time.
He can't because I'm, I'm speaking the truth and I'm just, I'm going for it.
And I would, I would talk to my spirit and say, Bethany, you're okay.
You're okay.
You're good.
You can calm down and just rest in this.
And, and, and then of course I have to say, Jackie told me over and over and
over again, just have fun, Bethany, just receive, just have fun, you know,
and just walk it out.
And so I'm not sure if that landed for you, but just, you know, you are in
God, praying the armor of God over yourself is so everybody, I hope everybody
does that not out of religion or ritual, but every day, because man, it's a war out
there.
We're fighting a war every day.
Thank you.
Yeah, no, that's helpful.
I think, um, taking it away from the relationship specifically, but more about
like my own security in God and myself, like, cause it doesn't matter, like either
way, you know, he could come or go.
Yeah.
And, you know, and, and, and I'll say this too, you know, when we were little
babes, we had blankets and those blankets kind of brought us comfort.
Didn't they?
So who's to say you can't find something that brings you comfort in those moments
to just.
You know, maybe it's a rock or maybe it's something that like when you touch it, you just,
it's that visual reminder of like, Hey, God's got me. I'm good.
Yeah, I think my, like you were saying, like, wanting to text, like being anxious,
I do the opposite where I won't, I go inward. And so I think there is a little bit of avoidance in
there, but yeah, that would definitely be, but then, but my brain tells me that the other person
doesn't like me. Like, and I don't, that's not true. Like, I'm not trying to demonize my partner,
you know, like, yeah. And so I think, yeah. So again, yeah, sitting with that and maybe,
maybe, maybe the opposite auction action for me would, would actually to be to text.
It would be, it would be to text. It would be to lean into that relationship. And if you're hearing
they don't like you, or they don't want to hear from you, then that that's absolutely
a revealing for healing right there. And I hope you spend some time with the Lord on that.
Okay. Yeah. Thank you.
Y'all these are so good. Dinah, go ahead.
Okay. I was doing this. Um, all right. So let me get my notes so that I can be succinct.
And I will tell you all before Dinah shares y'all I'm, I'm really not keeping up great with the
chat tonight. I'm just really trying to, so I'm sorry if people put stuff in the chat about
heartwork. If you have something that you put in the chat, you can, uh, put it into your groups,
whether the men and the men's group, and I'll check the men's group a little bit more this
week than I normally would. And, you know, I can check the phase three group, just,
just in your post, just, you can say from heartwork, advanced heartwork session or
whatever, and that'll cue. So I'll know it's a question for me. Okay. Dinah, go ahead.
Okay. Thank you for your time. Um, okay. So I have been dating someone for three months. We became
exclusive relations. We became exclusive recently, and honestly, it's going great. It's the best
relationship I've been in, in years. Um, he's really stable, calm, like mature guy. I find
myself in the last month or so. The image in my mind is like a little kid throwing a tantrum.
Like, I feel like I'm trying to find problems with him or this relationship. Like sometimes
in my mind, I'm like, oh, I hate that he has an ex-wife. I hate, I wish he didn't have a kid. Oh,
child support. Oh, we can't travel this, you know, makeup stories. Or just yesterday,
he brought me a gift and I found fault with the gift. And I was like, oh, wish he'd done something
different or asked me or whatever. And he was so sweet. He was like, it's no problem. I'll just
switch it out, you know? And then I beat myself up of like, gosh, you're so hard to please. You're
so difficult. He's not going to pick you. And I just feel like I'm comparing myself to his ex-wife
all the time. I feel like, I guess what I'm asking you is, I'm in a really stable, healthy
relationship, especially if compared to the last few years. Why am I picking it apart or picking
this really healthy, calm, so far from what I can tell, really stable, healthy, calm guy apart,
you know? Well, do you want me to tell you just the simple answer? Sure. Because you need healing.
And I know that sounds so simple, you all, but genuinely like a couple of things that were
coming to me. So y'all know, if you don't know this in HeartWork, I take notes because I process
while I'm listening to you all so much better that way. But you said, sometimes I feel like,
if I heard you right, like a little kid on the inside is throwing a tantrum.
Oh, that's it? Like, you know, like the little Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons.
Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about because I've felt it before. And then
what stood out to me as well, when you were saying he brought you the gift and then you found fault
in it. So here's what came up in my spirit was, you know, sometimes the things that we're
struggling with aren't just the problems that we struggle with. They are generational, okay? Now,
I don't know your family. I don't know if this will resonate with you. But the thought that came
to me as I wrote that down, he brought me a gift and I found fault in it. And finding fault in him
was, did her mom used to find fault in a lot of things or someone else in your family? I mean,
it could be like even before your mom, but somewhere I just feel like the Lord is saying
that this isn't just a you thing. This is a generational thing that you're kind of up against
right now. The other thought that I had is, you know, this comparing yourself a lot to his ex.
I literally just screenshotted something this morning. And by the way, I've never met her.
I've never met anyone.
It's all just like, I look at them on Facebook and I like, compare.
Yeah.
We don't have to meet people to compare ourselves to people.
I mean, there's people all the time that compare themselves to people.
They like, don't know on social media and all the kinds of things.
Um, but do you all know that comparison when we do that, it's
typically tied to a lack of confidence.
Like we don't like something about ourselves.
So when someone else, we get around, we think they have that, or, you know, we
believe the lies of the enemy, like, Oh, they had this kind of relationship.
And you guys, whatever the lies are, um, it's typically rooted in like, we
believe the lie that we're not good enough.
And so we compare ourselves to other people.
Like, why can't we all just be great?
I don't know if y'all have ever heard me tell the story, but back in the day,
before I, before I started serving a lot of women, uh, and this is long before
Jackie's community, um, I would be driving down the road and I wouldn't even know
the people and I would see a woman that was pretty or had something that a feature
about her body, something that I didn't have.
And I would just not like her.
And I'm a Christian at the time.
And I remember thinking, why am I even having that thought?
That's so what the heck.
And, um, after it happened enough times, I started asking the Lord,
like, what is going on here?
I don't even know this person and I'm putting them down in my mind.
Like I should be loving her.
She's a, even if she's not a fellow believer, she is a daughter,
you know, made in God's image.
And so I just started praying into it.
And, uh, the Lord started talking to me about the fact that, uh, you know, he
had a plan to lead me into minister to a lot of women.
And so the enemy was trying to attack that by getting me to be negative towards
women.
So sometimes y'all, sometimes it's that kind of stuff.
The enemy's trying to hinder something.
And so he tries to use whatever, like, what can he beat us with?
What can he get you to bite on?
Well, if he can get you to lean into your insecurities and start comparing
yourself like crazy, he'll do that.
You know, if he can get you to find fault in the guy with everything and y'all, yes.
You know, some of this stuff is, you know, that avoidance stuff.
It is, again, I'm not saying it's not those things, but genuinely it goes back
to where do I need healing?
Right.
And I do feel like it's pointing at some healing.
I did a freedom prayer with a friend recently, and it's basically revealing
for a healing with a forgiveness exercise.
It's very much like the heart work.
And it was so funny.
I was like, okay, I want to talk about comparison.
And God was like, no, we talked about several other things.
So it was like funny that God was like, let's look under this rock today.
So we talked about being too much and being not enough and stuff like that.
And it was great.
So I guess it's just kind of hard.
It's like, it feels frustrating that you finally meet someone nice and it's going
well, and you're going to have to really work at controlling your mind, Dinah.
You are, you know, the, the scripture that talks about take every thought
captive and make it obedient to Jesus Christ.
So, you know, it's not just like, man, like, it's not about walking in shame.
It's just about like, Hey, okay, Lord, this is a struggle I'm having.
Just like I told, uh, you know, Ruth, like, this is just a struggle you're having.
This doesn't have to be your forever.
And you can break free from this stuff, whether it came down
through a generation or not.
And you could be the one to make a change for future generations.
But we have to stand up against this stuff, which you're doing by asking.
The first step is asking a question and getting help.
The other thought that I wanted to ask about is this.
What was your relationship like with your dad?
Like, did you think your dad was a good dad, a good husband?
Did you find fault in him a lot?
Did your mom find fault in him?
I'm just curious what that dynamic was.
I thought everything was great until they got divorced.
When I was a teenager, I was shocked by the divorce.
And now as an adult, I see was actually my dad.
That was the tough, tough one.
And my mom left.
My mom took her rescue boat and, and left, but I didn't know all
those details until I was an adult.
So, okay.
So what does that mean?
My dad was the tough one.
What does that mean?
Like he's now as an adult, my mom's easy to be around.
She's fun and chill.
My dad is hard to be around.
You have to do it the way he wants to do it.
It has to be not too expensive.
It has to be my dad's way.
Okay.
So I think you have a little bit of your answer there.
Yeah.
So I said, as a kid and I didn't know, you know, as a kid, so like, yeah.
So.
Just pray into that, just pray into that and see where the Lord leads with, okay, is this
instead of a learned behavior from mom, is this a learned behavior from dad that became
a lifestyle, if you will?
Yeah, like my way or the highway.
And I kind of feel like I am that a little bit with this guy.
He's so generous and so sweet.
And I'm like, well, I want to do this instead, you know?
And this is this, everybody, please pay attention to this.
And even with Ruth, this is why we say you have to continue the heartwork because when
you step into relationship, even though you've already done a lot of heartwork, you're going
to go through all kinds of revealings for healing.
Things are going to come up that you didn't even know were in there.
Just like, I don't know, for any of them parents out there, when you have a kid and your kid's
crying all night long and you don't want to be angry with them because they're just babies
or, but you're just like angry at your kid because they won't sleep or they can't sleep
or whatever.
I don't know.
I'm confessing.
None of those things happened before.
I thought that about my stepson when he was just a little baby, he had colic and I understood,
but man, I was just like, Jesus, angry on the inside at my kid, but he wasn't doing
anything wrong.
And I almost feel angry at myself for not just being happy in this relationship.
Okay.
So I think you're getting clarity.
I feel like I hear you getting clarity even as we're talking.
So anger is hurts bodyguard.
Remember, anger shows up when there's hurt underneath.
So if you feel angry at yourself, you know, ask the Lord, when's the first time I felt
angry with myself for feeling this way?
You know, when's the first, you just start just like we did, like we taught you all in
heart work.
You just pull that first thread and you start there and then see where the Lord takes you
and then just continue to process that stuff.
And you all, you have the heart work in, in phase three, uh, men, I think you also
have it.
I'll double check that.
Cause I can't remember right now.
Um, y'all can go back and revisit that material anytime, you know?
And so I think that would be helpful for you as well, Dinah, just not that you have to
go like massively deep into it, but I think you should really work through some of those
things because it might change the whole way you show up with yourself.
If you remember a hatred, you know, begins with self-hatred and not that you're hating
him, but the negativity vibe, the anger stuff or the frustration or finding fault.
Well, that's starting because what I hear you saying is you're finding fault in yourself.
I've heard you say it a couple of different times, a couple of different ways.
Well, and that really resonated when you said that earlier, like hatred or judgment, like
judging others is from, cause I feel that a lot, like where I see another woman, like
exactly what you said earlier, like where I'm like, and I tried to decide if I'm better
or worse than her to determine, you know?
And so, um, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I'd run with that stuff.
I think you're on, I think you're on a good path there and we'll be praying for you.
Let us know, come in and you, and for everybody that I'm, I'm coaching, please come in after
you've processed some of this stuff and kind of tell us how's it going.
Or if you need more clarity as you're going, it's okay to come into the groups and, and
ask, okay, I'm processing this.
This is what's coming up.
It's okay for y'all to come back and do those things.
Okay.
All right.
Uh, is, is it Mavi?
Mavi?
I forget how to say it.
I'm so sorry.
It's been a while since I've coached you.
It's Maeve.
Maeve.
Thank you so much.
Sorry about that.
Thank you for being here tonight.
I have felt so defeated and so discouraged, um, the past year since the summer has been
very challenging.
I've been in intense medical treatments that were going to just be two months, which I
felt was already a long time, quit, had to quit my life.
The art program I was doing that I felt the Lord call me, um, here to, I'm just a little
North of you, I believe, um, Sarasota, um, and I did medical treatments for healing and
it was very difficult.
There's a lot of physical suffering, a lot of, uh, challenges, um, but the Lord and through
medicine helped to heal me of about five major.
Oh, you weren't muted there.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Back.
Um, so I was freed of maybe about five major chronic illness conditions that I've struggled
with throughout my life.
Um, as you know, we had two massive hurricanes within two weeks of one another on the.
Both side, my home had some significant mold damage
and I did remediations.
It took maybe about four months.
It was kind of like a long, healthy,
I'm sorry, it was a long journey of like my health journey,
remediating the home of my body,
remediating the home of my actual house
and everything being so much longer than I expected,
just months and months and months.
So I returned home, so happy to finally, finally, finally
come home a few weeks ago
and I'm looking forward to returning to my art program,
all these things by calling and purpose.
Since being home, I got sick again, felt so sick.
And I was like, oh my gosh, went back to the doctor,
positive for mold again, that's what I feared.
I was like, please, no Lord, like we just did all this.
And then I'm like, there must be more mold in my house.
There is, so my home was being,
parts of my home was being ripped up again.
I was gonna start back in my art program.
I'm back in treatments for a few weeks.
It has been so discouraging, just so defeating.
And then like to do so much, yeah.
To do so much, to spend so much money,
the loss of so much time,
the physical suffering that it's been,
being displaced for so long.
I long to be home, to home.
And then I'm like, wow, are we doing this again?
The amount of uncertainty, the amount of surrender,
it's just been constant surrender
in the past like nine months.
Yeah, first I wanna say I'm so sorry
for everything that you've been going through.
And I imagine that that has not been easy.
And so I just wanna kind of acknowledge that.
Y'all, life is hard sometimes, right?
And I just want y'all to know like,
I feel for you all, some of the things you're going through
and all of the things.
In the midst of that,
that the Lord would help us.
I don't know why this is coming up in my spirit,
but there's an old song called Light a Candle.
And I can't even remember who it's by,
but I literally saw a candle
almost being lit on the inside of you.
And the reason that came up in my spirit
is I was thinking in my head about like new things,
new things can come even out of dark places, right?
And at least from my experience,
some of my most pivotal times in my journey with the Lord
came on the heels of a dark season, right?
And I'm not saying that's easy or that I hope that for you.
I actually hope this one will be song,
or I saw their thing in the chat and I'm saying song.
I hope this one will be easy.
And I think it's actually by Avalon maybe.
Is that right?
I don't know.
It's an old song, Light a Candle.
You can look that up.
But I wrote down as you were talking, forgive the Lord.
I really wanna encourage you to pray into,
anytime where I've gone through things.
I had to quit college because my mom had an aneurysm
and almost died when I was 20.
And man, that was hard.
And I was angry.
And I wasn't even a believer then y'all.
I was kind of just starting.
I'd gone to church when I was a kid.
My family took, my grandparents took me to church.
Thank God they did.
I had enough in me that when I came around the right people
at the right time, that seed got right brought up
to the surface.
But I'm saying that to say that it was hard.
It was hard to give some of those things up
and not be angry at God for it.
And so that's what I wrote down
is I think some of your process,
the defeat and this discouragement.
Thank you, Marilyn.
Will lift as you forgive the Lord.
And for those of you that are like, forgive the Lord.
If you don't remember, we talk about this in heartwork.
Yes, we can forgive the Lord.
He hasn't done anything wrong,
but we perceived him at some point like he had.
And so just be praying.
And if that doesn't resonate, you can just pitch it.
You guys, anything I ever say,
if it doesn't resonate for you,
at least pray for me.
into it for a little bit because sometimes we're like, no, no,
that's not for me. And then the words like, yes, it is.
Yes.
Especially as like, I, I moved to this area. It will be two
years in May. And I moved to pursue my career as an artist to
apprentice under a master artist at this calling this dream.
It's on my heart that I felt God leading me here. Like, yeah,
and I'm like, God called me here. And then this past year,
I haven't been able to do it. So I've been like, part of the
deep grief and the loss is like, God called me here for a
purpose that I'm not doing. Yeah. And I'm, I feel him
creating me as the art. He is a master artist. But it's painful
because in quilting instruments are very sharp.
100% Yeah. When we go through pain, it's not it doesn't feel
good. It's painful. But I'm glad that you're seeing that. But
here's some other things I don't want to forget to give this to
you. When you said, I've spent so much money, which it sounds
like you have like a whole lot. I wrote down money returned. And
I think that that's something that you need to pray for, that
God would restore all that the enemy has tried to steal from
you, through you having to drop out of school to do these
medical treatments to fix your house. And I believe there's
going to be a story of redemption in this. And I'm
just gonna even just in Jesus name, let it come back more than
what she lost. And, um, you know, but here's the thing. It
doesn't make it easier when we're going through it, because
we feel that financial loss, just like I told you guys
earlier. I mean, I literally lost homes and vehicles. And I
wasn't even doing anything wrong. My husband was, but I
was going through it. And it, you know, it was like, Oh, I
had so much shame. I'm not saying you have shame, but I
had shame. I had so many things to unpack from those
situations. But here's the thing. I had to also position
my heart. Remember those heart postures I was talking about
earlier to shift out of victim. Because as soon as we go
through anything for an extended period of time, so many people
are going to be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so
sorry. I don't want to do anything for an extended period
of time. So many of us, we don't mean to, but we, we get stuck
in victim. And God's like, no, you're a Victor. Like even when
I was sick for one week, so nothing in comparison to what
you've been going through by any means. But I literally was like,
God, I don't want to be sick anymore. God. And I was taking
thank you for healing my body. And I was just praying, but I
wasn't getting better. And I was frustrated. Like, God, you can
heal me right now if you want to like, come on with this, you
know, and I'm kind of making light tonight a little bit, but
like y'all, I was like, Lord, I don't got time to be sick. Heal
me. Just heal me. I know you can. And I just, um, the reason
I'm saying that is I was kind of begging. And I'm not saying
that's wrong, y'all, because I was just in that moment, I was
just, you know, tired and worn out. But what God started
talking to me about is like, the, the, the place I was asking
from, I felt like I had to beg for it. And he was like, I
already gave it to you. Sometimes, you know, healing
takes time. And sometimes we got to go through it so that we
can pray for other people. And, and, and here's the kicker. You
want to know one of the things the enemy said to me, I was,
uh, praying about the healing and, and then the enemy
reminded me, oh yeah, like you're, God gave you a word
that you were going to be used to help heal people and look at
you, you're sick. That's what the enemy said to me. And so for
whatever it's worth, I don't know if that's for you or
anybody else, but this is how the devil tries to just get us
to agree with him. Because in that moment I was, I was like,
you're right. How could I ever help release healing for
people? Y'all, y'all, if you've ever been on a faith Friday
with me, I love to pray for healing. I love to see God heal
people. And I believe God's called me to release that stuff
to people. And so I was like, yeah, why am I sick Lord all
the time? Too much, too much. If I can release this for
for other people that I can release it for myself.
And you know what the devil tried to use to get me
to like be mad at God and be in not healthy place
actually got turned around on him.
And I just started declaring like,
I just believe in Jesus.
I just laid hands on my own self.
I just started praying over myself,
laying hands on myself and declaring it.
And yeah, it still took time,
but I'm partnering with the fact that I can release healing
and God wants to release that through me
and even for myself.
And so for whatever it's worth, it's not easy.
And it might take a while.
And I know we have a lot of people in this community
that have battled sickness for a long time.
And so I'm not saying it's always like,
hey, you can lay hands on yourself and boom,
you're just gonna be good.
It's not always like that.
So I don't want anyone that has been sick for a long time
to feel any shame or any lies from the enemy right now
because I'm talking about that.
But I think God wants to show up
and show off through this situation.
And let's just see as you lean in.
And even the time lost,
I'm not just talking about money lost, time lost.
And so I'll circle back to what
I was saying about being sick.
I kept telling people I lost a week of my life.
I lost a week of my life.
I'm frustrated.
And God's like, oh, I can give you that week back.
Y'all are like, how?
God's a redeemer of time.
So he can give me that week back.
I don't know how.
That's not for me to worry about.
He's supernatural.
I can just trust him.
So let's pray.
And in Jesus name, Lord, I just pray for my,
how do you say your name again?
Maeve.
I love how you say it.
Maeve.
But if you want to call me mom it's great too.
No, I don't.
I want to call you by your name
because that's your name, Maeve.
Lord, I just declare right now for Maeve,
God, we just come against the spirit of disease
and sickness that's coming against her body
and warring against her as well as the mold in her house.
Even today, she had no clue.
I had mold in our house here
and the Lord told me to pray for that mold to disappear.
So Lord, I just speak to the mold and disease
and the pores or whatever's there to be gone in Jesus name.
That whether it's through people coming
and servicing her house,
that they'll find the exact root of the problem,
the source.
God, that you would just remove all of that from her home.
Lord, that you would bring all the money back
and then some that's been taken from her
through these situations.
God, that you would just encourage her.
She came in defeated and discouraged
in all the feelings of being beat down by these situations.
But God, I ask you in the days ahead
in this season of spring,
that even right now,
even though she has had some sickness return,
yes, Lord, she's not going all the way back
through all that stuff again.
We thank you God that you're the healer,
you're the great physician.
Nothing is too hard for you.
We plead the blood of Jesus Christ over her
and surrounding her home tonight in Jesus name.
Amen.
We just believe that for you
and you all, God is good.
He's good.
Man, I'm at 934 already you all.
This time went so fast, too fast.
Thank you, Bethany.
You're welcome.
We can do this again.
I feel bad.
I've got three more people,
but I just, I can't keep going you all.
I want to,
but this is me being able to set a healthy boundary.
Look at me go.
Look at me do this.
I've had fun tonight,
even though we've been talking heartwork
and all the things
and sharing some of my life with you all.
And man, God, like genuinely,
can we all just agree?
And if you don't feel this,
I pray that God will help you experience him
in a new way tonight and tomorrow.
Can we just all agree and say,
let's just unmute
and just agree that God is good.
I would love to hear.
Let's just hear it.
Like, God is good.
God is good.
Go, go, go.
Does that mean anyone else's soul?
I don't know.
It does mine.
And so here, let me give you one last thing.
As we were at this conference this week,
you know, I always feel like God is good.
I do.
I do always feel.
like he's good. But even I go through hard times and sometimes I just need to be reminded about how
mighty he is. Like he's big and he's mighty and he's loving and he loves me and he loves you
intimately. Like he's intimately involved in your life. He's not forgotten you.
He's not passing you over and just blessing everybody else. If you believe that, that's
the enemy telling you that. And so let's look at where that's coming from. But he's good. And
maybe tonight before you go to bed, just find it. You can just Google it. Christian songs about God
being mighty and powerful. And let's just see what comes up and let's meditate on how powerful
the God that we serve, the God that loves us, the God that sent his son Jesus to die for us so that
we could be in relationship with him and have victory and all of these things. He's still on
the throne and he's not just up there on the throne like, oh, I'm just going to let him suffer.
No, he's like, I'm going to get down into the mess with them and I'm going to clear it out
lovingly. And I'm going to help them come out of the pain that they experienced when they were
little Mandy, when they were little Joshua, when they were little Caressa, and I'm going to help
them understand that I'm making them new. I'm making everything new. He's making everything
new. I love you all. We love you. We're so thankful that you're here in our community
for such a time as this. God's doing awesome stuff. I pray that you will be encouraged and
that you will have Selah rest tonight. I'll see you all in the groups. Have a great night, everyone.
Thank you, Bethany.