Okay. Welcome, everyone. Again, so sorry about the tech difficulties and having two links
in there tonight. We will work on getting that fixed. And we are so excited to be here
tonight. For those of you that don't know my husband, this is Brian Cooper. He's my
other half.
I'm the husband.
He's going to be sharing a little bit with us tonight. And I'm super excited to have
our other two couples with us tonight. We have Justin and Christina Abdella, I think
is how y'all is that how you say your last name? Awesome. And then Scotty and Olga and
Scotty, what you'll tell us how to say your last name.
Shire.
Shire. Okay, I just didn't want to mess it up. So welcome. And Scotty and Olga are our
newlyweds. They were just married on March 8. So congratulations to you all. Yeah, we're
excited to hear your story a little bit more tonight. And we're gonna go ahead and I'm
gonna pray for us. And then we're gonna start to share and what I'll do is, as soon as I'm
done praying, we'll just open and Christina and Justin, if you all will share your story
about kind of how God, you know, walked you through not only and even if you weren't a
part of this community. So like Christina and Olga were in the last year single community.
But even for Justin and Scotty, like, what did God lead you to do to heal before you
met your now wives, but for the ladies that have been a part of our program and walk through
heartwork, you know, what were some of the things that God really helped you work through,
so that you could prepare to meet your spirit mates, your husband's sitting here with you
tonight. And then tell us a little bit more about your story. And then, you know, what
led to engagement and wedding and all the things. And we want each person in the couple
to share whatever you're comfortable with sharing. And then that will also give us some
good ideas of other things to chat about. And then I gave you guys some other questions
that we'll touch on tonight as well. But let me go ahead and pray. I'll go to Christina
and Justin first, and then we'll have Scotty and Olga share after that. Father, thank you
so much for this night. God, we thank you for what you're doing and your kingdom families
and marriages. God, through this community, we thank you for Jackie and David, and the
family and legacy that they have in their own family, as well as in the family of God
and into all of us. God, we just want to honor them tonight and just say thank you. We ask
you to place your hedge of protection around them that you would guard and watch and keep
over them even this week as some of their additional family members and the twins are
in town. God, we ask you just bless this time. And you would just minister to them. We thank
you for these couples that are here tonight. We thank you for what they represent, everything
they've walked through that has brought them to this moment. And Lord, we thank you for
your protection around their marriages and all the marriages that are to come still represented
by each person that is a part of our community. And we just thank you that tonight would be
a night of encouragement, a night where even people that just aren't sure, God, what you
have for them and who their spirit mate is, God, that they would be reminded that you
know them by name, God, that you see every need that they have and that you're working
on their behalf, even when they don't see it, Lord. And we just thank you in advance
for that in Jesus name. Amen. All right. Awesome. So Christina and Justin, we would love to
hear a little bit about your process and all the things, and I'm just going to kind of
pass it over to you all and we'll go from there.
Okay, great. Well, thank you guys so much for having us. I really appreciate it. So
I joined Jackie's group, I want to say in April, 2021, I think. I was invited by a friend
who was also now married from the group as well. And I will be honest that I was very,
very skeptical about the whole thing. So if there's anyone else out there who's very skeptical,
that's okay. God will work with you even so. But I really did enjoy going through the heartwork.
I read Jackie's book. I've been, I would say, on a healing process for many things
in my background and past for like 20 years. And I thought I had dealt with everything
to be honest, but reading her book really allowed me to see that I hadn't. And so I
did do a lot of heartwork and that surprisingly, I think my journey involved less about healing
in dating, so to speak, as it was dealing with other issues that I hadn't fully addressed with
family and so forth. And it was like once I kind of found peace with all of that and had
conversations with other people, like everything else kind of fell together. I will say that one
thing that Jackie had said that really, really impacted me was that God wants this just as much
as you do. I think, you know, I've been a Christian for most of my life, not a perfect
Christian, but I've been a Christian and, you know, we're always told.
God's enough, and God is enough, and I don't want to diminish that, but I think we start
telling ourselves so much that it's almost bad to want to be married.
It's bad to want a relationship because then you're diminishing God and saying that God's
not enough.
And when I really grasped a hold of that and started partnering with God and saying, all
right, God, you want this just as much as I do, therefore, you need to help me, things
just kind of fell into place.
And so how Justin and I met is actually through friends.
I've been in a friend group for a couple of years that I had met during COVID, and ironically,
Justin had been friends with them before, like long before COVID, and had actually kind
of gone off with another friend group, but because of COVID, that friend group had stopped
hanging out.
He kind of rejoined our group, and so we ended up both at the Whitewater Center, which you
guys may or may not know what that is, but it's exactly as it sounds.
It's a place where you can go whitewater rafting, and they have adventure courses and things
like that, and they have concerts during the summer.
And so he had met to bike ride with one of my friends, mountain bike, with one of my
friends beforehand, and then everyone met for what they call River Jam, which is the
concert.
And so we just happened to be there.
We didn't really interact during the whole thing, but I don't even know how we really
started talking.
But at the end, we started talking somehow, and then Justin ended up walking me to my
car, and we started, we just talked for, I don't know, a long time.
It was because we both had season passes, is why we started talking.
Oh, okay.
And we're going to have y'all settle a debate for us at some point later on this, but yeah,
so we started talking, and it was an interesting conversation.
And I remember thinking, is this guy my husband?
Is this my husband?
And that was, I won't, I mean, most, probably most women have thought of that, like when
you meet some guy at some point, like, is this husband material, you know, when you're
talking to someone, but it was a very different thought, like, is this my husband?
Not like, is this guy someone who you could consider marrying?
It was that specific.
And I was like, no, that can't be.
And we'll kind of probably dive into this a little bit later.
Our list did not match at that point.
But I was like, very intrigued by him.
So we started hanging out, just, he just started, he just appeared out of nowhere.
Like, I've hung out with this group for years, and he appeared, and then he just kept showing
up everywhere.
And I'm like, who is this guy?
And where did he come from?
Why is he like, part of everything now?
And then we would plan groups, like we would go paddleboarding with a couple of our friends
on Fridays, because we all got off early on Fridays during the summer.
And we didn't plan it, it just kind of happened that people would cancel.
And we would end up together, just the two of us.
And that happened on a hike, that happened paddleboarding a couple times, that happened
like going country line dancing.
And so we just kept ending up alone.
And again, it wasn't our, like, we weren't doing it on purpose, but that allowed us to
really hang out.
And because we had gone paddleboarding with a group of friends, and we were friends at
that time, we would all complain about dating, you know, what was going on in the dating
world.
And so we had that friendship to start, even, it was a shortened friendship, but a friendship.
And we were all blatantly honest about what we were looking for and not looking for, because
we were all just talking about dating amongst friends.
So when it came to dating, we could not hide, like, we couldn't pretend, like a lot of people
can, like when you first meet, like, oh, yeah, I'm okay with that, or whatever, like, you
already knew what all of our issues were going to be from that.
So yeah, so we, so it just kind of grew organically from there.
So it was only probably a couple months before we decided to date and we can go into this,
I don't want to take up too much time, but we can go into this more about, like all the
barriers we went through to make sure before we started dating and, but from the point
of dating, we moved very quickly because I am a single, I was a single mom, not anymore.
And you know, didn't want to mess around with that.
And so we were engaged within three months or two months, two months married within five.
And so as far as the whole one year single, or it used to be called, you know, 12 months
or less when I was in the program, we got married at 13.
So there goes my skepticism.
And we've been married for almost three years now, our anniversary is in May, and it's been
awesome.
But Justin, I'll tell you the real story of how we met.
And then we all, maybe later we can have you all weigh in on whose fault this is.
So there's this group that was for singles in Charlotte.
It was a matchmaker that started and it was on Facebook.
And it was just kind of like a forum where people could post questions and everything.
Well, Christina posted on there, like.
are any guys that are into doing adventurous stuff, not just one hobby, but multiple hobbies
because she likes doing a lot of different things. And a lot of guys will do maybe like
one adventurous thing. So I responded to her post and said that I like to do is different
adventurous things. And then she came back with like what. So then I responded with like
scuba diving, skydiving, hiking, paddle boarding, and some stuff like that. But I didn't ask
a question afterwards. So she liked my post. But since she didn't comment back to me, she
just liked it. I'm like, Okay, well, she's not interested. So move on. And since I didn't
message her back, she was and I didn't have a question. Well, I didn't message her. I
just have a question on it. She was like, Well, he didn't ask me a question. I liked
it. So balls on his court. So we both blame the other person. So we would have actually
met each other about five months earlier had that connection actually work. So it's funny
how God just keeps giving us so many chances because if it wasn't for the multiple chances,
we would have never met. And we actually didn't find out about that post until we were actually
seriously dating and removing all our prior dating stuff. And it was when I was deleting
my profile that I saw that message interaction between us. Yeah, so and if it was really
interesting is if you go back through our life, like our life stories, we were so many
times one decision away from meeting. Like he lived he lived in Colorado and almost joined
the Air Force. I was going to go the Air Force Academy. We were both in San Diego. Like I
went to school in San Diego. He was in San Diego all the time at the time. Like there's
just so many points throughout our history that it's like we were missing each other
somehow. And so I just yeah, so we joke at that. So guys, keep and ladies, you know this
and guys, you do too. You know, everyone complains about that when you're like on dating apps
and so forth that people don't keep the conversation going, ask a question, keep the conversation
going. So we know you're interested. There's a tip for you.
I think I'm gonna have to say Justin wins this one, in my opinion, just saying he commented
on your on your post. That was the first engagement. That was the first connection.
Right, but he commented, I asked a question. He responded, but didn't continue the conversation
or say, let me know if you would be interested in doing these things sometimes. So I was
like, I don't know what to do with this. So I just liked it to say like, okay, I'm still
engaging with you. And it's not actually messaging like this is not a private message. This is
just like commenting. So I say it's his fault because he didn't continue the conversation.
So that's so funny. Well, yeah. So I thought you meant like, which one was it that we met
here at this post point and that was the initial or at the when you all started getting together.
So that's what my vote was for. I'm not gonna Yeah, I won't hash out who was the winner
of the other thing. But I love this. It makes me think of I don't even know if this is the
right term. But it makes me think of a meet cute, you know, like you guys were connecting,
you know, even in that beginning moment. But one of the things I want to draw out here
is not only that, you know, you all have these kind of thoughts in your head. But literally,
you're like, you know, Justin's like, she's not interested because she you know, whatever,
the next step didn't happen in his mind. And you were like, he didn't ask me a question. So
I just want to encourage all of our community at this point, you all don't get in your heads
about this stuff. If the person if you want, if you are liking the interaction with them,
like, just keep being you. And if you normally would ask a question, ask a question. If you
would normally like respond, just respond. And let's just see what God wants to do. Maybe a
little bit of this, it makes me think about how much coaching I do through heartwork,
encouraging people to come out of hiding and all different kinds of ways.
And these are some of the ways the enemy tries to get us to go back into hiding,
in a sense, whether we recognize it or not, is when we're interacting with people,
you know, on the apps, or even in person or texting after, and people pull back because we
get all in our heads and fear and all that kind of stuff. So I want to encourage you all on that.
I love that part of your story. Thank you so much for sharing that. I do have one other thing I was
hoping you all would share as a part of the beginning part of your story. And we'll unpack
it more as we go throughout tonight in the time. But when you all met, you were a single mama.
Okay, so let's let's just chat about that for a minute. From the perspective of Justin, let's ask
Justin first. How was that for you coming in meeting her and you know, getting that connection
growing and knowing she was a single mom, one of the biggest things people are afraid of is
hey, I don't know that I'm going to meet anybody that's going to love my kids. And we touched on
this even in our last love story. But again, I love to hear the way different people process,
you know, from Justin's perspective, and then also, Christina, on your perspective, was there
anything like God was doing and saying to you to really help you not fear that and just really,
you know, believe that God had someone for you?
So for me, I was always open to the single mom part. That part wasn't really as hard for me. It
was more of the prior marriage was very hard for me, because I always grew up and believed that
marriage was forever. So I had on my list, I would never date anyone who was married.
And I actually divorced. I was divorced. She was divorced for years. So she wasn't
still married. I just always had that on my list. And I actually rejected people that were divorced
and even would like stay on all my profiles that I wouldn't consider anyone who was
married prior. So if it wasn't for how our friendship developed, and we became so close,
there's a good chance I wouldn't have gave her a fair chance because of that rule on my list,
which I'm glad I gave her a chance. And so I'm glad I didn't follow my list and ended up
caving on that. I see a little sneaky Jesus here, too, if you will, you know, like he just brought
you all together as friends, y'all let your walls down. And we're going to talk more about your list
because we talked a little bit last night. And I really want our community to hear how God helped
you all let go of your list and some of the different ways that that was kind of a barrier
before. But it just sounds like God was removing all the barriers so that you all would just be
open to each other. Would you agree with that? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So Christina, how was it for you
when you were going through this process as a single mom and praying for your spirit mate?
You know, how was that for you? Was there anything you had to overcome so that you would keep walking
towards your spirit mate who is now Justin? Um, I know, I don't think that that was really
a barrier for me. It was more making sure that I found someone who was truly going to see my
daughter as a blessing and a gift, not a burden, not something you have to put up with. Um, and
I, I was very, I didn't date for years after my divorce, um, because I wanted that time with her
and I wanted to make sure I was healed and I wanted to make sure I knew what I wanted
before dating. And my daughter had never met anyone that I had dated until Justin. Um,
and so I think that was very important, but my, so we, ironically, my daughter ended up meeting
Justin again, cause we were part of a friends group before we actually started dating. Um,
but as she saw him more, she would always come running to me and be like, why are you dating
Justin? And I mean, from day one, she was like, you should marry that guy. You should marry that.
Um, that was that, that was it for me. Um, having that reassurance from her because
her father, her, her father, my ex had already been remarried or dating someone and remarried
for a number of years. And she, she does not like her step-mom. Um, and I, that dating process was
very hard on her. So I knew she would be honest. You know, I knew that she would be honest and I
wanted to make sure that she didn't have that same experience with anyone I dated, that she
really was actually comfortable with whoever was brought into her life. And she and Justin,
you know, are amazing together. And Justin's been an amazing father. He's, he really is her
father. Like, and I love that, like her, um, I don't believe in divorce either, just to be clear.
Like, I don't think anyone starts off getting divorced, but my ex is a bit of an abusive jerk.
Um, there are times where it's necessary to do that. And so I love that Justin has really
provided that, um, that father role that she doesn't actually really have.
I love that. And one of the things, a couple of things before I kind of start to segue over to
Scotty and Olga, um, for a little bit that I also want to pull out here that was really important
that you said about your daughter. I think initially, um, you were very careful about
exposing her to people that you were dating, you know, and she was able to meet Justin in
an environment that was safe, um, you know, and all of the things, and then her heart
was in it, you know, and so many people, um, don't realize how important that is.
And not every child is going to, you know, be there, but for the most part,
the younger kids from what I've experienced, um, they're wanting that role.
to be filled to some degree.
The older kids, maybe it's a little different,
but I just love the way you all have, you know,
really cared for her well in this process.
At least that's what's standing out or coming out to me.
And I just want to say too,
Brian and I also both are divorced
and that's not something either one of us
ever even had in our minds
or thought we would go on that journey,
but God absolutely went on a rescue mission for me.
I would say the same for you, would you agree?
And so just want you to know,
like we're in that camp with you.
We never thought we'd be in that camp, but we are.
We are, but now we're together and it's amazing
and we're so grateful.
So thank you for sharing those parts of your story.
We're gonna come back in a little bit.
I would love for y'all just to be prepared
to share about your list and how you overcame those.
And we'll come back to that here in just a little bit, okay?
Awesome, thank you.
So Scottie and Olga,
can you tell us a little bit about your journey
and how God brought you together?
What was some healing you all,
God led you to do before you came together?
Yes.
Hi.
Where to start?
Yeah, I had been like actively dating
for like three and a half years
and I knew I wanted to meet somebody,
and I'd been a Christian for, I think, seven years.
But my journey, my dating journey was not really working.
And then, yeah, God pushed me to go
and join the last year single group.
And I think that was a big part of my heart healing.
Heart healing.
And that was, I think, just probably a few key things
that unblocked my heart to be ready to meet Scottie.
And once those couple of things shifted,
then we met really fast.
Then I went back on dating
and then we met, I think, two weeks later.
So after that, and then, yeah,
we got engaged after three months
and then married another six months later.
So, yeah.
So when it all happened, it all just, yeah.
And I think on the way to,
one of my prayers too had been
for healing for all my relationships.
And I think through us as well,
God's really used us like in a small group
and then also bringing people to the Lord
and just our community is just,
I've gone from being a hermit at home
to having this enormous Christian community
and a lot of people coming to God
and kind of living in community with others.
So he kind of, when he delivered,
he just exploded everything, yeah.
Like every part of my life, yeah.
Financially and relationships.
And then, yeah, then for our wedding too,
we had people flying from everywhere too.
So I feel like when he restored,
he kind of just overflowed on everything, yeah.
So it's been pretty amazing, yeah.
And that's beautiful.
It's giving me chills.
I'm gonna have to hear more about that here in a minute
if you're okay with that.
Yeah.
I would love to have you share a little bit too.
For me, my dating kind of wasn't,
I wasn't dating people who were,
I became a Christian in 2011.
And then from then I was basically kind of just backsliding.
So I wasn't really dating people
who were following the Lord and all that stuff.
And so that was just all bad.
But then within the last probably year and a half,
I started attending the church that we go to now.
And I just got really involved at church
and then I quit drinking.
And then once I started to do that
and really serve a lot at church,
that's when basically I met Olga on the Upwork app.
And that's when kind of everything turned around for me.
And I wanted to get married.
I know I did for sure.
But yeah, and we have,
we have the same kind of interests as you guys.
We like to go paddle boarding, floating, hiking.
We're gonna go skiing next weekend.
We live in Utah.
So we're gonna go skiing, snowboarding next weekend.
So, but yeah, it's basically when I just started.
quit backsliding. And that's when God started moving in my
life a lot. So
yeah, that's so good. Yeah, that you shared a big part of that
was not only the things that you stopped doing, but the things
that you started doing. Yeah, so I'm just what I'm wanting to
pull out some of these really important nuggets that you all
are talking about both couples, for our community to hear them
you all it's not just what we stopped doing and change
behaviors. It's what we start adding to our lives. He started
serving, he started going to church and just being there more
faithfully being in community. And now what Olga shared, now
Olga said, this is exactly what I heard her say, I went from a
hermit to this big, enormous community. And God started just
overflowing every area of their life. Well, for her of her life,
probably blessing on to Scottie as well with that. But just I
want you all to hear that, you know, God, God changed that
after he touched on these significant things in her life.
That's what she was sharing on. So actually, I got a very
important question, which I think is on a lot of people's
minds. Can you describe floating for us? I'd love to hear more
about
Oh, just floating down the river like an inner tube. Yeah. Okay.
I have a blow up kayak. So that's what I take. But it's I
like it. Yeah. Fantastic. It's a
Okay, I can't believe you don't know what floating is. Yeah, you
guys should try it.
I love that. That sounds
Yeah, or you could even take a paddleboard down the river, you
know, inner tube.
That's so fun. It's fun. I just imagine someone just like going
down the lake just kind of like, yeah, pretty much.
Oh my god. It's like therapy.
Well, I love this. So this is what I this is really cool, too.
I think it's really always neat for me. We have two couples
that I've never met. In addition to Brian and I and both
couples have now found even though y'all live in different
places, another couple who enjoys doing the same kind of
thing. So y'all community connection. I love how this kind
of stuff happens. Olga, do you mind to share a little bit more
we have a lot of people that have battled financial
struggles in our community. And one of the big things that
happened for me and my heartwork and healing was when Jackie made
the statement, I don't remember exactly how she said it. But
basically how if we're stuck financially, it's heartwork,
like we need healing. And I remember that being such a big
like, oh my gosh, like, okay, so Lord, where do I need more
healing so that I can get freedom and breakthrough in my
finances? Because there were some specific areas I had been
praying for. And I've shared a couple times that mine led a lot
back to my orphan mentalities and limiting belief systems and
the way I was looking at God in relation to kind of even though
I knew I was his daughter, I felt internally, because of my
past, like I was under the table begging for crumbs. But that
isn't where I was, I God had a seat for me at the table with
him. And so I talked about that a lot. But Olga, that stood out
to me when you said not only did God heal you in all these
different ways and led you to Scotty, but like God gave you
all these blessings and all these different areas, including
financial, do you mind to just share for a few minutes on that?
Sure. Yeah, I think the financial piece came first
before the relationship stuff, but it was kind of connected.
And it was just more based on identity. So I'm just inheriting
the things from my family about what they believed about money.
Like they had come out of World War Two, and then immigrated to
Australia as refugees. And so they had like a belief in
scarcity. And when I became a Christian, often people like
have to learn, oh, don't be selfish. But God had to show me,
oh, hey, we're gonna go to the store, we're gonna get you some
lip gloss, you're gonna get a dress, you're gonna get all
these things. And he actually had to teach me how to look
teach me how to look after myself and give myself those
things. And, um, yeah, I used to be a lot stressed about money.
And he had me tithe and give and I had massive breakthroughs,
like I used to have massive fear around money. And by giving I,
he cleared all of those away, like and just had me know him as
the provider. And it was more. Yeah, I'm just through the acts
of doing that and overcoming those things. It took away all
my fear.
run money, and just knowing that he's got me, that he's looking after me, that I would
never lack, and yeah, those things came first.
Like one day he literally was like, I was stressing about spending some money on some
nicer food or whatever, and then he just was like, oh God, we are not poor.
I own everything.
Yeah.
So he was like, oh, I was like, oh yeah, you're right, like you're in charge.
And yeah, so that was, identity was a big thing, and then when it came to relationships,
it was the same thing.
Like I had concepts about myself, like who I was, what I deserved, and a lot of that
was inherited, and I know Jackie teaches a lot about going back to the blueprint that
God has for you, and that was one of the keys for me for sure, is like God knew that I was,
like I was knit in my mother's womb, so the things that like, I guess, happened to me
or that I experienced don't define who I am, and yeah, so he had a blueprint for me, and
then when I aligned with that, I was like, okay, if you knew, if you knew who I am, then
that must still be in effect, so then you're in control of everything else, and so yeah.
So both of the times, it was just seeing him as the provider, and I was like, okay, well,
I've tried like the relationship on my, thing on my own, and I think when I was doing it,
I was doing it from that place of like, well, like your own sense of who you are, and then
when you have a false idea of who you are, then you're also trying to get people to fix
that image of you, or then you're relating to them from that place, and then you start
putting things on other people, like you need to do this for me, so that I'm okay, or other
stuff like that, and then it just starts not working, so when I was, yeah, just gave that
to God, then he, I don't know, it's like in both cases, financially, and otherwise, it was, yeah,
it was a lot about surrender, like, okay, you've got this, and I'm willing to have your version
of it, and you know, I haven't succeeded myself, otherwise I would have succeeded by now, so this
must be something I'm not getting, and I'm willing to know what that is, and yeah, so I would often
just talk to God about it, I was like, it was kind of hard to me, for me even to believe, okay,
there's someone for me, but then he would tell me, oh, he's like about meeting Scotty, that he was
like, your husband's so excited to meet you, which is really cool. Man, God is so good, you all,
I hope that you all are really taking a lot out of what she just shared, and these couples that
are here pouring into you from their stories, so many good things here, surrender just really,
as you were sharing, Olga stood out, so y'all, just want to remind you to get out that supernatural
surrender, that permission slip, and reread that over and over and over again, put it up where you
can see it, you know, and just remember that God is working supernaturally in so many ways, like she
said, you can apply what she said, Olga, I'm not poor, I own everything, you can apply that to anything,
and that was so amazing, so I have a fun question for you, for Scotty and Olga first, and then I'm
gonna go to Christina and Justin, and I'll let Brian share too, because I don't, I'm like, last time
I'm like, I felt bad, he was like my arm candy last time, because we had so many couples, we just didn't
have time to share too much, but what has been one of your favorite things to do as a couple
together, like what have you enjoyed, it could be something you learned together, something you went
and did together, so this is just a fun question. Jamaica. Oh, aside from, oh, we just had a honeymoon
in Jamaica, that was pretty fun, that was really fun, and the other one, the other one
was, that comes to mind is like, we have an electric, well, Scotty has an electric bike, and then we went
like looking at houses, and we just spontaneously were like, hey, let's take the electric bike, so we
doubled on that, it's a two-seater electric bike that she just done, and we just went for a ride,
we were going like 40 miles an hour, yeah, down the road, and it was really fun, just being spontaneous
is one thing that we like to, yeah, get up and do stuff, like random fun things.
things. Yeah, so he makes things really fun. And I think he liked
that about me too. He was like, I think, with other people, they
had been a bit couch potatoes. And then I was always like,
Hey, yeah, I'll do that. I'll do that. And he was like, what she
wants to do? Yeah, that was one thing that was like, I was
really looking for is like, I did not want I wouldn't I
wanted someone who was adventurous. Like live in Utah,
we have some of the best things to do like outdoorsy like stuff
like camping, hiking, hunting, like, tons of stuff. So I was
like, I don't want someone to be a couch potato, like, and you
just see God's glory. When you get up in the mountains, you're
like, this was all created from God. So
yeah, I love that. And ladies. I mean, guys, too. But ladies, we
tell you all the time guys want to date someone who's fun. Yeah.
And I've heard even ladies like I go to bed, they'll say things
like I go to bed at eight. And I get it. I get it. I get up so
early you all I wake up like this internal clock. But here's
the thing when I was dating, especially after I met Brian,
you better believe if we were going to have a zoom date, or if
he was going to be in town, I stayed up no matter like I
stayed up, you know, and I let go of my bedtime or whatever. I
mean, I really didn't have an eight o'clock, but some people
do. But I did, you know, like take get out of my comfort zone,
I guess is what I'm trying to emphasize. And I think, you
know, just based off of what you all shared, I love that, that
that was something that Scotty was attracted to in Olga, that
she wanted to go and do fun things and was up for it, you
know, and I love that. I'm, I'll let Brian share what was one of
your favorite things that we did just real quick. And then I'm
going to come over to Christina and Justin,
traveling, if I compare traveling and coffee together,
it's it's been a lot of fun. We went to Hawaii. Actually, one
year ago today. No, it's so sad. So just traveling. And it's
just fun experiencing things. And hey, I can be I'm one of
those. Hey, look at that. Hey, look at that. One of those when
you're driving and traveling. So and she humors me and she
enjoys it. And we fun trying coffee and new new food. I'm
kind of a foodie too. So yeah, just exploring and having that
to share. She enjoys that too. So that's been a lot of fun for
Yeah, yeah, Kenton. He did say traveling and coffee. He loves
coffee. You all if you want to talk to Brian about coffee,
he'll talk to you all day long. Yeah, coffee. That was a non
negotiable. It was on it was like in his dating profile must
love coffee. No, it wasn't there. But it should have been
our first day was going to coffee. She would be like, how
about tea? I probably would have just ghosted her.
There. Oh, my gosh.
Christina and Justin. Okay, so if you want to share like, what
was your most like one of your favorite things or something you
learn together, and then I would love for you to share about some
of the things with your list. Justin started sharing a little
bit about his but like if you always share about your list and
how God helped you get rid of those so that you can meet each
other, that would be great.
Sure. So I think I mean, I think we're like, you guys as well. We
we love to travel. We love to do adventures. I always tell people
it's like being married to like your best friend. Like I feel
like every night's like a sleepover. Like what are we
gonna do today? What do you want to do today? Like you want to
play a game? You want to? You want to go for a walk? What are
we going to do? Like we're always doing. That's what I
love. Like we're always doing something even when we're doing
nothing. We've been on a 50 state adventure with my I
started it before I met him with my daughter. But in the three,
almost three years we've been together. We've been to 37
states together. 33 with our daughter, we're gonna hopefully
wrap up all the states this by the end of the summer.
All the ones from McKenzie.
Yeah. But and we really, we really just support each other's
random dreams as well. Like, I've had a childhood dream of
acting and we actually got to be in like God's Not Dead five
together. If you watch it will be the extras in the background.
You'll see us. He goes running. I don't really run but I'll come
cheer on. So, you know, we're just we're always doing
something. We're always up for an adventure as well. As far as
our list. It's really funny that you say coffee because I would
say I had a list and then I had a sub list. On my sub list was
cannot like coffee. I'm the tea person. And ironically, Justin
does not like coffee. So it worked out well. So neither of
us drink coffee. But I would say that I think a mistake a lot of
people make men and women, especially if you've gone
through a divorce or something like that you do one of two
things you either just go wild and do anything and everything
that's out there walking around or you kind of overcorrect and
you're like, I don't want anything that looks remotely
like what I was in previously and I would say that was me.
list three miles long because of everything I had gone through.
And, um, yeah, it was a long list.
Um, and then, so I joke about that sublet, but that sub list also
included things like can't have facial hair, um, can't have tattoos, which
you can't see, but Justin has tattoos.
Um, basically most of what is on, was on my list, Justin is, and
most of what was on his list, I am.
So, uh, it is important to let go and let God.
And as you can see, I actually don't let him shave it now, which is really funny.
Like I prefer now that he has facial hair, which I never would
have thought that would be me.
So God can definitely work, uh, in your hearts and change you.
Um, so I would, I would definitely just surrender that to God and be open-minded.
Um, God is, I wish we had more time because I could tell you so
much about the creativity of God.
And if you really let him do things for you, because I have things far beyond
just stuff between Justin and I, as far as financially, like the things
you have amazing stories, like God is so creative, don't try to put him in a box.
Um, so if you, I remember Jackie just being like, just go on five
dates with anybody, you know, and figure out what you like, don't like.
I hadn't, that wasn't what I did, but I, I understand the concept of that.
And I kind of did date around and I would never, honestly, kind of like what he
said, if we had not been friends, I don't know that we would have considered each
other.
So I think, and that was how I really wanted to meet a husband was friendship.
But in this world, it's so hard, but again, the creativity of God.
So I was like, I just don't see it happening.
Cause my friends group that we're talking about is pretty much all female.
Um, there's no guys in the group.
So how was I ever going to meet a guy in my friend group?
You know what I mean?
But it happens.
Like God, God can work in mysterious ways.
Um, yeah.
And my, one of my things was that I wanted to be proof.
Like I, what happened with me going, this is my husband is what I wanted my husband
to do.
Like I wanted him to be like, oh, this is it.
And I would say that is the complete opposite of how our love story has gone.
Like, I feel like I probably pursued him more than he, so also just be open to
that.
Like, it doesn't have to look like the fairy tale romance that you want, like
that you think you want.
That's so good.
And I, I do think, you know, Justin, do you feel like when she did show interest
in you that you then reciprocated?
No, so you are an anomaly.
That's awesome.
Well, that's okay.
So this is good.
So not everyone is going to follow kind of our guideline of, Hey, ladies or men
were wanting, you know, the other person to recip, like you're reciprocating their
behavior versus just pursue, pursue, pursue.
And, and I will say they were doing it again within their community.
People knew both of them and introduced them.
So I want everybody to hear it through that lens as well.
And I think that that's important, like, if you don't know someone at all, um, to
just keep pursuing them, if they're not pursuing back, I would caution you on
that, but I love that God worked in you all.
So I'm curious, Justin, are you willing to share like what caused you to not
pursue back?
Cause I think our ladies, I don't know about everyone else, but I'm curious.
Like, what caused you to not pursue back?
Everyone else, but I I'm curious, like this will help us learn more about maybe the
difference that some guys like what they deal with in, in those dynamics.
Well, it was more just how I am because messages I was sending were saying I wanted
to do things, but she like wrote me a whole novel and then it's like, we should go out
or we should do rafting together sometime.
And then I'm like, and she's like, and then I just responded with weekends.
Cause I knew she was more busy than me, but I only gave her one word.
And what I was really saying was just let me know what weekend works for you.
And then I'll go meet to go rafting.
But she's like, he's not interested.
He gave me one word and I wrote a novel.
So I was interested in hanging out.
So it wasn't that I wasn't interested in hanging out.
It's just, I'm not as much into the words as her.
And I just said what I thought was necessary to get the point across at least in my head.
But, well, I think, I think one of the, I think we were on different pages.
I feel like, um, as far as, um, like our degree of faith initially.
And so that was one of the obstacles that we did have to overcome.
And when I say I was pursuing him, it was, I was not stalking him.
I was, I would just say that I, I saw something he, it took him longer to see.
Like we were both friends.
We were both interested in each other, but we both.
in our heads were like this can't work because of these things and um so I think that was more it
and I think what really happened was Justin finally admitted that he did like me and we just
had a very frank conversation again because we are friends and we've been so honest with each other
like we couldn't hide who we were we couldn't hide our you know our issues and we we had a
very very long and frank conversation about okay these are the things we're not on you know not on
the same page with how are we going to deal with these like you know and we we just worked through
that and and then we finally at the end just decided okay we're gonna go on a date and we're
just we're gonna see what happens like no pressure like but we're gonna go on a date and we're gonna
see and then by our second date we were like ready to get married but before our first date because
we had mutual friends she had Mackenzie we actually had a conversation where no questions
were off the table so like finances what we wanted for kids that any question because we wanted to
find any deal breaker before it ruined our friendships before it hurt Mackenzie so we
talked about exclusive at that time when you were having that conversation no it was before it was
for our first date when we had this conversation when we oh yes yes i'm thinking of the other
conversation yeah so we were not yet because we wanted to find a reason if we didn't think it was
going to have a good chance right away because if we came across something in that conversation that
was like oh this is definitely not going to work then we weren't going to risk it because
it's a lot easier to decide it wasn't a good idea instead of having a relationship and then trying
to recover and still have mutual friends and whatnot and then for Mackenzie it would be better
if she never even knew i was a boyfriend so that's why we did that and it's definitely way different
we definitely broke all the rules on what questions are allowed so early on but yeah after our second
date we were justin was over at my house and he's we're just in the kitchen and he turns to me and
he's like okay if we get married i'm selling i would sell both of my cars because your cars are
family friendly and i'm like wait what this is like after date number two i'm like isn't this
like you know like a six month date question and he's like no so he kind of said the same thing
that he just said he said it to me he's like look if there's a deal breaker i want to find it now so
we're going to have these tough conversations we're going to dig deep so i mean we did like we
went really deep for you all i will i will say like for me in my former relationship that is
what got me tripped up and connected to somebody that wasn't healthy so i think it depends on the
people you know where you guys it sounds like it makes me think of even though it wasn't as deep
of a question the first time i met brian you a lot of y'all have heard this we've shared it
plenty of times literally within i feel like 30 seconds of sitting down with our coffee he was
like i like legos and marble you know he just he just wanted to know was i gonna think you know
he was like good or not good because of that how was i gonna turn it out there like if you're gonna
reject me like let's do it now let's get over with yeah and so whether or not that's why you
all did that that's what it made me think of though like that protection mechanism and things
that we do sometimes but i'm really glad that you all were able to connect and have those conversations
one of the things i wanted to go back to that you said and then i'm going to come over to scotty and
um you said messages i was sending i was saying i was interested so i felt like that was a super
important statement because from your perspective you were telling her you were interested whether
you know i don't know whether she interpreted it that way or not um and ladies i think it's
important to understand that you know guys and women we we communicate differently and so if
you are not sure ask a clarifying question you know and just really find out and it sounds like
from what christina shared christina definitely continue to pursue and you know encourage the
date and all the things and i love that i love that you were just willing to say like this is
what i want and you know i think we should go on a date and see how it goes and all the things i
want to correct that like that's actually not how it went like when i say i think when i say pursue
i was just i think i was interested like more interested first like i didn't actually initiate
i see all these comments from people like i didn't really initiate anything justin actually
did initiate in the end i think i just saw it first if that makes sense so i kept being like
all right god like seems to be this but like you know it's not like like there were some things
that had to change on his side but i i wasn't like messaging him like hey do you want to hang
out like i think this is helpful yeah like he yeah like so he was still actually
leading the way and initiating, I think, sorry,
I think I used the wrong word
and I don't wanna mislead people,
but I just think I understood first that what was happening
and I had to wait patiently for Justin to realize it too
and for God to work in his heart
and to bring us on the same page.
But back to your point about diving deep, I agree.
I don't think that's a good conversation
to have on a third date if you don't have the friendship.
But the whole reason all of this worked
is we had that friendship basis
and because there was no pressure when we met
and we were all, like all of our friends were,
we were all talking about dating and all of our experiences.
Like there was so much open and honest conversation in that
that we couldn't hide, like I said, like you normally can.
So I think if you're gonna do that,
you definitely have to have that basis of friendship
and understanding of who the person is to begin with.
Yeah, I love your story.
It's so awesome to hear you all and just learn.
So Christina and Justin were in Brian and I's
Symbus group too, which I think is super fun.
And so it's really great to kind of reconnect
and hear more of your story.
I'm gonna probably come back to you one more time
and would love to hear a little bit
about your blended family journey.
I know that we heard a little bit about the initial,
you know, like getting to know her
and for Justin getting to know your daughter
and all of the safety things that were there.
But I would also love,
we don't wanna focus too much on negative,
but I think it's important to know,
like let people know a little bit of your journey
and how God has led you through that
and the good things that are also happening.
As you mentioned earlier, Justin,
like sounds like you treat her like she's your daughter
and that sounds like that's how she feels
and that's incredible.
And I just wanna thank you for that
and for loving Christina, her daughter so well.
And I just wanna kind of pause and say thank you for that.
But I'll come back to you all in just a little bit.
So Scotty and Olga,
I wanna hear a little bit more from you all.
I'm kind of curious,
even as you've heard Justin and Christina share,
like were there any,
for Scotty first,
was there any thing that God led you to do
to show Olga that you were intentional
about one, like wanting to move forward
to get to know her better?
I guess just continuing to go out on dates
and learn more about her.
And I think that's really all I can think of, I would say.
So did you tell her like, if y'all went on a date,
did you like let her know that she looked nice?
Did you let her know like, hey, I really enjoyed
that you were willing to go do this fun thing?
Like, I guess I'm trying to help the guys learn some things
that maybe are helpful.
And then also for the ladies to hear from you all as well.
But were there any things that God in that way
led you to say or do that led Olga to know
that you were interested in her?
Yeah, that I was just excited to do things with her
and just be spontaneous and that she looked great,
looked gorgeous like every other day.
And yeah, just that I was excited to see her and yeah.
To clarify, Scotty's very expressive.
He says everything.
Like on our first date, we went to like mini golf
and ice cream and we were in the car.
I was the quiet one, but he was just like about everything.
Oh, it's so great that we can talk together.
And he was like, we are gonna get along so great.
We're gonna bond just right.
And I'm like, oh, we just met.
Yeah, he was definitely way more expressive than me.
Yeah, he definitely let me know
everything he was thinking.
Yeah.
Did that help you or did that?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was smart.
And I was a little more reserved like,
oh, I don't know if I can trust you yet.
And I needed to see, okay, like, can I give my trust here?
And I kind of let him know that too.
I was like, okay, like, I just need it.
For me, I needed to see that when he said something
that he would follow through on it.
And so whether he was trustworthy.
So for me that needed to build over time.
But it's kind of like, even if I had an idea that,
oh yeah, maybe we could get along.
I still needed to see the evidence over time.
Yeah, just being consistent with what I said
and follow through with it.
Yeah, but he's definitely was expressive.
Like, hey, this is about, yeah, this is fun.
This is great.
We should go to the lake.
Let's do it again.
We should go paddle boarding.
We should do this.
We should do that.
We should go skiing.
What are you doing?
When y'all were dating,
I don't know this part of your story.
Were you all local to each other or were you?
Yeah.
We're like, we're like four miles.
Yeah.
Like four and a half miles apart from each other.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Wow.
Then I don't know, Christina and Justin, if y'all can put in the chat, just so people
know where you, it sounds like y'all were local.
But if you can put that in the chat, for those of you that don't know, Brian and I were long
distance.
We lived four hours apart when we were dating.
So just want to put that out there.
So y'all know that we do have couples that are, we're local as well as long distance.
But is there anything else that comes to mind just about maybe even your engagement
to the wedding?
You talked, well, one of the things I want to also pull out that you, I saw in your post
and you touched on it tonight, Olga, was that God gave you community and he gave you family
as a part of this journey.
And I know that we have a lot of people that that is their heart cry in this community,
that they would not only find community in a church, but also family and all that.
So just what, can you share a couple of thoughts on that part of your journey and then anything
else that y'all want to share on?
Yeah, I think, I think before we even met, I had a friend that I would pray with too.
And we both had a lot of people praying for us, for us to meet each other.
And then also that we would each meet someone that was godly and that was the right person.
And then, and then this group, I really enjoyed the morning prayer.
Yeah, because I just felt that started having me open up to people and, you know, have accountability
and have other people that are going in the same direction.
And then after we met, um, when we met God, like answered all these, even the smallest
little things.
When we met Scotty, like, there were like silly signs, but one is like, when I was thinking
about my future and I was like, Oh, if I ever got a dog again, it would be a black lab and
he had one.
And then when I was like, I really want this like white GMC car and like he had one and
I was like, all these like little, little things that are in my mind that I like, like
my, one of my favorite songs, it was like one of his and like, there were just like
all these answer prayer and I could never, ever find a local church.
And I went to many of them.
And then when we met, he already was established at this church and he brought me in and it
was just like the perfect fit.
And then after that, um, like while we were still dating, like literally one or two months
in, he put his hand up to run a small group.
So we opened, he opened his house to a small group from the church and it just started
with like eight to 10 people.
And it was like another couple that we met, like on our second date, we went, we met one
of his friends and we went out together and they were really funny.
Cause they were like, Hey, Scotty, this would be a great place to propose.
And it was like our second day and stuff like, they were, they were, they were, they were
like calling it before we even knew.
But, um, so we met like his friend groups and then afterward this, um, we had the small
group now each Wednesday and yeah, now it's really exploded.
I think there's more than 20 people and their kids, couples and kids and everything will
come to house and God just keeps bringing more and more people.
And, um, and then we just get to share about our lives in different burdens that we have,
but also praying for each other and, um, learning about the word together.
And then Scotty too, his, um, works in the construction field.
And I think he's brought at least 10 to 15 people from his work to church who now go
with us as well.
And, um, so it's just, I think just, um, it's made me really stretched to like share my
life with others as well.
Like what's going on and letting people in.
And, um, and it's just kind of amazing that God just was like, okay, yeah, he's the church
you wanted.
Here's like the house you wanted his life, all these things that were already ready.
And they just kind of all just got activated.
Like when we met.
I also hear you saying that you and Scotty coming together, that's destiny DNA that Jackie
talks about that, like activated these things in you and it's causing you to come out of
your, you know, comfort zone more, you're opening more.
That's what I hear you saying.
Would you agree with that?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
And, uh, yeah, so I think he's much more willing to just be like, yeah, I'll do that.
Yeah.
I'll do that.
yeah just I think one of the things too during the I don't if I heard it during the um
last year single was just about like your person's not going to be perfect because I know like
being spiritual and whatever it's like or like oh yeah I just need Jesus or whatever or the man
that I need a godly man is going to look like xyz and they're going to be this perfect person and
then um I just remember hearing that oh they're not going to be perfect but God's going to give
you the tools to have a relationship together and you can still serve God when you're not perfect
and you can and I think Scott is much more like that he'll just be like he'll be in the
men's ministry he'll do this he'll die he's like yeah I'm not perfect but I'm willing so
um that just showed me more like hey God's God uses imperfect people and um and it doesn't have
to be perfect for it to work like just do it and it will work out like I love and if it doesn't
work out you'll just learn some new skills and then you know you'll keep going you know yes for
for um what she was just saying there is like even when you all are dating um you know if you can
look at the person that you're going on the date with um as much as you're able to do this that
you're there to be kind to them learn something about them and grow from every encounter every
kind of dynamic and situation that you're in um I think things will go so much better for so many
of you I know that that was one of the things I had to really shift in my like when I started
dating before I met Brian um I definitely dated differently I didn't I wasn't date even though I
was praying for my spirit mate I didn't go on every date with panic like is this my husband
does that make sense um and so I have this peace and this calm like okay I'm just gonna get to know
this person and really pay attention to the good fruit in them and you know the things that I need
to pay attention to if there isn't healthy things and really enjoyed um getting to meet those people
and them being willing to share a part of their life you know even if it was one date uh with me
and I think that really was a game changer for me um and when you all were sharing something that
you said actually how you were like you know on your second date the people uh said something
about this would be a great place to propose or whatever you said it made me think um do you want
to tell the concert story real quick we were you were just talking about it the other night how
my first time to come visit you at the concert do you remember all of that yeah yeah yeah
you gotta come up close so they can hear you yeah so awkward situation that was past
the end at the time and we were four hours apart because when I did a search I didn't want to date
anyone local because we kind of weird as a pastor you're preaching and the person that you swiped
right or left on walks into the back I mean just kind of that weird community dynamic or you didn't
want a bunch of people in congregation that you did anyway so you know she comes in from out of
town and it's really the it was the first literally first I started to introduce her
uh we had I think been dating for a couple of months so this was her first time in the church
at that time the pastor's girlfriend yeah and so but we were also hosting a concert so we thought
well this might be a good way to ease things you know take it slow and I was up in the balcony
I didn't sit up in the front right like he sat with me up in the balcony we were trying to totally
be like you know subtle sneaking out kind of thing so but then the the uh the leader of the band
calls me up and you know they're trying to hey thanks a lot and hey your wife's up there with
you and like my church is there too they're like wait what has a wife what we thought was a subtle
entry into my church life kind of became a next you know Saturday Sunday morning it's like oh
we know that's the pastor's wife so maybe that was prophecy I don't know but well I think it's
just kind of you know sometimes God does funny stuff because they had him go up to pray over the
offering that's why they had him go up there and then they played this whole joke on him to start
singing and he's I love him I love to hear him sing because it just blesses my heart but he
you know isn't a worship leader he's a solo you can't hear me yeah kind of funny and then they
just said that and I was just like oh my gosh I can't believe this right now but anyways it was
just a funny story I thought we could share with all of you um because there's been many
experiences I've been trying to suppress
but you made me remember it. But like stuff like that is just going to happen sometimes. And I
think just we laughed about it and didn't make it like super serious or like this means we have to
get married because somebody said this to me or any of those kind of things. But yeah, so just
super fun. But anyways, it's been so fun hearing just a little bit more Scotty and Olga about your
story. And I really want to just give a few minutes to Christina and Justin because we're
about we're getting close to our time tonight. But to share a little bit about your it's,
you know, a little bit more about your blended family experience and how God has led you all
through that. So ours is a little different than probably a lot of people experience because
when I first met Mackenzie, we were actually it was all our friends meeting up at the pool here
in this neighborhood because that's where Christina happened to live when we were just
we're all meeting. I don't even know if Christina knew I was coming that day or not.
So just showed up. So we are going to hang out. And I was playing games with Mackenzie in the
pool when we're just friends. We weren't even dating at that point. We didn't even consider
dating at that point. So we got to just hang out quite a bit. We went on a hike together
where some of my family was in from Colorado. So she got to meet my dad and one of my brothers
on that hike. And then we all were like, who wants to go to lunch after the hike? And this was with
our friends. It wasn't just my family. Mackenzie and Christina, well, everyone else backed out.
So it ended up only being Christina Mackenzie, my dad, my brother and myself going to lunch.
So we got a lot of time to hang out together. And me and Mackenzie got along the whole time.
And she was actually trying to convince us to get a date, trying to convince us to get married
before she even knew we were dating. And then she would always try to be like, you guys should kiss,
you guys should kiss. And now she's like, you guys should stop kissing. You guys should stop
kissing. So it's funny. But so we got along the whole time. The most challenging part for me
isn't actually Mackenzie. It's her dad. And just because the reasons Christina got divorced,
also makes him very difficult as a co parent. And he still finds joy in hurting Christina,
which he shouldn't. But he does things out of his way just to hurt Christina still,
even though they're divorced and been divorced for a long time. He's remarried and everything.
So, so how is God helping you? I mean, I, I've been through some not with Brian's ex, but with
my girl's dad, and different dynamic, but just I've been through a lot with him. It's really
difficult when someone is really unhealthy and toxic, and they're doing toxic things that to
intentionally hurt people, or to withhold, you know, things from people. So I know God had to do
a lot of work in my heart on how to navigate that. I'm just, you know, as you all are here,
like to encourage those in our community that might face some of those things. And, you know,
how has God helped, you know, not just you, Justin, but you all, you know, Justin first,
but you all as a couple, work as a team to overcome those things, or at least continue
to navigate them and stay together in a unified, you know, front, if you will.
It's definitely been a challenge. We definitely pray about it. We actually pray that he finds his
way back to Jesus because he used to be Christian, but he left the church and now is against the
Bible and everything. So we pray that he finds his way back because that'll be best for Mackenzie.
It would be the best for him. And it would help improve the relationship. What we actually started
doing recently that's actually helping though, is now I actually go pick up Mackenzie. So we're
actually limiting the interaction time between Christina and Brian, and he seems to be doing
better with the less interaction. So it seems to be going better all around with them, just not
seeing each other. That's awesome. I mean, I love that God is having you. The first thing that comes
to mind is like, you're protecting her and you're protecting Mackenzie too. And that covering that
God talks about and all the different ways that that can show up in how important men are in our
lives genuinely. And women, like we're strong. We, you know, so many of us are strong and we need to
be, but isn't it a great thing when someone will step in and do something to protect us or
to show us love or cover us in that way? It's pretty awesome. Christina, what do you think?
Like, what's some things for you, ways that you're encouraging Justin in that process, you know,
or even yourself or Mackenzie, like what's that been looking like for you?
Sorry, his phone just went off
and totally lost my train of thought.
Sorry, I don't know what to rethink here, but.
And yes, as far as, so one thing I will say,
sorry, this may not be answering your question,
but it's something that came to my mind.
One thing that we did do initially,
even before we got married,
we did premarital counseling with this group.
We did premarital, I can't talk,
premarital counseling with our church.
And then we've also interacted with a true counselor.
And we also did that initially
at the beginning of our marriage on,
okay, how do we handle this dynamic
and this co-parenting situation?
And I think one of the most helpful things,
at least for Justin, you can correct me if I'm wrong,
was when he said, you may not be her biological dad,
but in God's eyes, you are 100% her spiritual father.
Therefore, you are responsible for her,
for protecting her in that manner.
And you actually have authority over her biological dad
because he is not walking with the Lord in regards to that.
And I think that was very helpful to both of us.
And I think it was a struggle at first,
you know, it was new to Justin,
but he has really stepped into that role.
We've both made mistakes along the way,
but I feel like God has been really growing.
And like he said, this new idea
has kind of grown out of that.
And he, my ex is always working against us
as far as the Christianity thing,
but we just continue to try to step into that role.
It was very eyeopening for me.
I mean, I always knew it would be hard to be a step parent,
but until you really see it, it really, it's a hard role.
It really is.
And it's hard for,
I want people to understand that it's hard for us too.
I'm sure you can relate to this.
Like when you're, Justin's amazing,
like absolutely amazing, like no complaints
and as far as being a dad,
it's still interesting to have step into that role with you.
And at the beginning, some of our struggles were,
I mean, it had been my daughter and I for so long,
seven years, I was a single mom
before Justin stepped into my life.
So she and I would make decisions
and then we'd be like, oh, we're doing this.
And Justin would be like, I don't get a say.
I don't get an opinion.
Like I don't get to be included.
And so I think it's just being mindful of things like that.
It took me a long time to be like, oh yeah.
Like it wasn't intentional.
I wasn't doing it to exclude him,
but I'm just, it's just been us for so long.
So we're like, yeah, we're gonna do this.
And he'd be like, I would like to have a say.
I would like to be included, you know, things like that.
So it's little things like that
that you have to work together on
and just continue to communicate.
And, but I, obviously I'm biased,
but I do want to let people know like it can,
it really can work
and it really can be incredible and amazing.
And I don't think you have regrets.
So in doing this and like it's really has been
like a dream come true in so many ways
and watching the two of them interact.
And let me just, so one of my favorite memories
of us stating was we actually went to Mississippi
with her for spring break.
We got separate hotel rooms and all of that.
Like everything was kept separate,
but that was our first trip together.
And there was this beautiful fountain at night
that lit up in different colors
and like was, went to music and so forth.
And like the two of them were just,
like she was much younger then.
So she was running around the fountain
and he was chasing her around the fountain
and just watching that.
Like I was, it was just like, this is,
this is, you know, this is amazing.
And then the song,
do you want to dance with somebody?
I think by Whitney Houston came on.
And so we started dancing
and then he started joining, like brought her in.
And it was, it was just like one of those,
like truly like movie, you know, fairytale moments.
And I just always have that image in my heart,
but that's really how it has been.
It's not been perfect.
They, you know, we all have our issues, of course,
but that can really, can really create a family.
I love this.
And y'all, this is, this is the reason I wanted them
to share about these moments and their journey.
Everyone's journey with the blended family
is going to look and feel different.
You know, as I told you all before,
Brian and I have a blended family,
but our kids are all older and they're not in our house.
And so, but we still like his youngest daughter
came and stayed with us for a week with her boyfriend.
And, you know, it is different.
You have to learn a different dynamic
and you're making space for those people in your life.
And so I want to encourage all of you
that are dating right now, you know,
keep praying and asking God about the ways
that you can make room for who God is sending you.
And maybe for some of you, it's not just a spirit mate,
maybe there's a bonus child that God is going to want
to really bless your life with.
It's an incredible opportunity to love somebody,
whether they're your bio kid or not your bio kid, truly.
It's been one of the.
most remarkable experiences I've had an opportunity to be a part of in my life.
And so I want to encourage those of you that might even have that on your
never will I ever list that you will never date someone that has kids, man,
I pray and hope that you'll just ask God about that. Because man, kids have
just a way of helping us grow just like our spouses do in ways that nobody else
can. And so just wanted to kind of plug that. All right, so we're going to do a
lightning round when I'm what I mean by that is really quick. I want each person
to say one piece of advice like this will be like a sentence or something. It
can be a couple sentences, but kind of keep it short. If you could say anything
to our people that aren't either some of them are dating, maybe they're on their
journey, but like they're not married yet, what would be that piece of advice
you would give them?
They weren't I didn't tell them I was going to ask them this everyone. So I'm
kind of putting them on the spot.
I would say, definitely listen to your friends and family on advice. I've
definitely been in bad relationships for longer than I should have been. When all
my friends and family were all like, you need to get out of this, you need to get
out of this. So definitely at least take their advice. They could be wrong, but at
least consider it. Because it would have saved me a lot of pain and trouble if I
listened.
I second that I should have listened to my friends and people to for sure. Love
that Justin. Christina, how about you?
I would I would probably echo that. So I really was terrified of making a
mistake, as I'm sure many in this group are, especially if you have gone through
relationships. So that's why we went through three different types of
premarital counseling. And I saw the counselor separately, and was like, let's
go through this, make sure I'm not missing any red flags. And he would go
through and be like, okay, this is a red flag, we need to deal with this as a
yellow flag. That's a green flag. We walked through everything. So if you if
you are not sure, I would invite people in to make sure you're not missing
anything. Because love is blind. And here's what I would say. I see this, we
see this mistake with our friends all the time. And I used to make this
mistake. I think he used to make this mistake, too. It should actually be easy.
Not easy, and that like, you're never going to have problems. But like, life
together is easy. And I think in all of my other relationships, life was always
hard. Like you were always like you had good moments. But like the rest of the
time, I was like, it was hard. That's what I'm saying. Like, it's literally
like having your best friend with you all the time. And we don't. Like, sure,
we have fights, don't get me wrong. Perfect. But we don't fight all the time.
Like, it's, it's easy to be together. It feels weird when you're apart. And not
in like a codependent way. Like I have to have this person or I can't function.
But it's just like, you it just it feels right. And I think I didn't
understand that like, when people are like, you just know, until you know, I
don't think you know that you can know if that makes sense. But you can. And if
it if it does not in any way, shape, or form feel right, if there's any inkling
of doubt, like, dive into that more, because I ignored that so many times in
the past and ignored red flags and ignored things of advice or explained it
away. And it really and I see that with you guys, I can tell by watching you
guys, like when you find your person, it is so so easy to be with them.
Yeah, 100%. And I will say too, I love that you said that because Brian and I
talk about that. I mean, we, we don't really fight, but we have little when
we're really stressed about things. I mean, we don't fight.
No, life is just good. It's peaceful. Like I would say our life and our
marriage is marked by peace. But one of the things I was gonna say, on the tail
end of what you shared, because our people that struggle with avoidant
attachment, if y'all didn't catch the last advanced heartwork, remember, I'm
not saying people are avoidant attached people, I'm saying they struggle with it.
So just wanted to clarify that. But if they struggle with that, they're going to
be people that are always trying to avoid connection in different ways. Or
when that that relationship starts moving forward, they might avoid it. But
I do still think it's good to listen to people that God has placed around you
that are healthy community that are healthy family members. If you have toxic
family members, I wouldn't, or even friends, I wouldn't have them speaking
into your life. But just really, you know, come into this community. That's
what you're here for.
or and talk to us about it. And hey, don't ignore the coaching
like there's so many people that could have like just protected
themselves, just like myself, when my friends were trying to
tell me, I just didn't want to hear it because I was trying to
make it work. I was trying, you know, but anyways, so those were
a couple thoughts I had. So Scottie and Olga, what would be
the advice you would give them?
Um, I have a few. One is, um, well, ones that God gave me
along the way. I know when I started dating, he was like,
stop looking at outer experience, outer appearances,
and just, um, and focus on fellowship. So when I judged,
okay, would I reach out to someone? It's just like, it was
like, is this someone that I could fellowship with? And so,
um, well, for that to even happen, they have to be
Christian. And that's what was important to me, obviously. And,
um, and then also that way, when you go to meet them, if you're
fellowshipping with them, and joining time together, then
there's nothing lost from that interaction, whether you're
meant to be with them or not. But it's just like, then you're
having an encounter. So yeah, instead of just coming to
someone being like, hey, this is my list, you have to be this for
me, or I expect this from you. It was more just like, like, is
this I don't know, spiritually, like, when we meet together,
like, is this someone that I could just spend some time with
and just start like that. And then yeah, for me, too, I had
different just routines for my day. So I already knew I
wouldn't meet someone doing my day to day week to week thing,
because it looked the same. So I was like, Oh, I'm gonna have
to do something different. So I think being willing, you just
have to be willing to do something different in order for
God to bring the person along. Like, if you haven't met them in
your day to day, then you're gonna have to either go
somewhere different, go on dating or do meet some new
people some way or other. So that's yeah, stepping out of
your comfort zone and just being willing to just meet people for
the sake of it, without loading them with expectations. Yeah.
And yeah, that's probably the main one. And then I think for
me as well, trusting that God is good, and just amazing good
things can happen. Because yeah, in our case, we had a lot of
people who are like, either burned by marriage or
relationships and have all kinds of stories about it. And we're
like, Oh, what if it can just be good? Like, of course, it's
difficulties. But for us, it's been so enjoyable. Like, we're
literally each other's bestie. And like, we just love spending
time together. So I was like, this can be good. You know?
Yeah. And God is good. Yeah. Yeah. And we're definitely no
drama people too. So we were like, Oh, I can't even think
about doing that. No drama club. Yeah. We're just like, yeah.
I would say to, to get involved at church and serve and put
for me putting other people before myself kind of got my
mind off of focusing so much on meeting someone that I just met
met you and it was it was amazing. So I would say to serve
and put people before your for yourself and God will do
something. He'll put someone in your path that you'll meet. But
that's what I would say for sure.
I love that. And it makes me think about how Jackie says so
many times, what we make happen for others, God will make
happen for us. Yeah. That y'all is so true. Every area of our
lives. And so I just think that's so great. What y'all
shared so much richness in our conversation tonight. Do you
have one that you want to share with everyone? Can you lean up
just so they can hear you?
Yeah, I think for me, kind of the process I went through and
meeting Bethany was just learning who I was and my
identity. We so much talked about marriages, two people
becoming one flesh, but you're still two souls. You still have
your own identity. So part of we jokingly talk about meeting her
and I like Legos Marvel. Part of that came out of previous
marriage. I was in 15 years. I always had to be who she wanted
me to be. I never could be myself. I could never enjoy the
things that I enjoy. And so bouncing off what Christina said
kind of stuck out to me. It's really easy to be yourself in a
relationship. That's healthy. If you Yes, if you can be yourself
and your spouse loves you for it's really easy to be yourself
and of course, you're not perfect and nobody's perfect and
we make mistakes. But I don't have to walk around on
eggshells or trying to be somewhere I'm not. So find out
who you
or find out, you know, if you maybe sit down with coffee and say, Hey, I like to float.
You might have to explain that a little bit more,
who you are and help that person get to know who you are so that if it does work out,
they'll love you. And it's really easy to be yourself in a relationship,
but there's so much pressure. A lot of times you want to be in a relationship or you want to make
the other person happy. So you're trying to be someone that they want you to be or what they're
looking for. And that never works because it's always, you can't just not be yourself. And that
causes tension. So I just say, you know, learn who you are so that you can be yourself and find
someone who loves, you know, that part of you. Yeah. Yeah. And as we start to close you all,
the thing that I want to say with that is that the reason so many people lose themselves in
relationships is because they don't know who they are. Okay. So some of you that really struggle
with that, I want to encourage you to take the season that spring and forward movement to really
like, what are your hobbies? Like, what do you love to do? Like, how do you feel about things
like, and really get to know yourself so that when you come into relationship, again, you're
two whole people hopefully coming in and making each other like coming one, but it's a healthy
one because both of the individuals were healthy coming together because your identity matters in
this world. God created you with an identity that's yours and you will have an identity as
an individual. And then you'll also have an identity as a couple and it's pretty amazing,
but you want to be able to have both of those things existing at the same time.
And so we hope tonight was a blessing to you. I loved these stories, Christina and Justin. Thank
you. Scotty and Olga, thank you for being here and sharing your stories and your lives with us.
And for all of those from the community, we're praying for you. I want to pray for your spirit
mates before we close. And yeah, and then we'll just kind of close the night out. Father, thank
you so much for all of our amazing brothers and sisters. God, thank you for everything you're
doing in their lives, all the things that you're revealing to them, even tonight, God, we ask you
to help them to continue to take the next best step that you have for them, Lord, to grow in
their identity and you, Father, to get involved in their churches, to really step into all of the
blessings that you have for them. Maybe it's a mindset shift that comes from the heart change,
but God, we thank you that every step is leading them towards their spirit mate. And God, I thank
you that you're leading their spirit mates towards them. God, when discouragement or any kind of
fears rise up, we thank you that you are the one that can raise up a standard against the enemy.
So help us, Lord, to take authority over the enemy and to not back down, to not believe the lies that
the enemy is saying, and to stand on your truth, to stand firm on the promises that you've made to
us and that you've been ministering to us about. Help us to walk in your wisdom more and more every
day. In Jesus name, amen. Amen. You all, God bless you. We'll be seeing everybody in the groups.
Have a great night, everyone. Thanks, guys. Bye. Bye-bye.