All right, this is men's heart check-in April 7th, 2025.
We are going after it tonight and talking about some things.
So welcome, if this is your first time listening, nobody, I don't think on this live is first
time, but if it's your first time listening in replay, then welcome and it's all going
to be good.
So what is going on guys, anybody got anything to share, to process, to ask a question about,
to share a win, share some good news, that kind of thing?
Anybody got that kind of testimony story to start out with?
I'll just share that I was listening to Holy Spirit.
One of the Leon ladies I've been dating had this whole thing kick off with grief suddenly
from a miscarriage from years ago, I'm not sure if it was last year or multiple years
ago and I've done a lot of work with a grief community for surviving Gold Star family members
and when she started talking, my brain just went there and I was like, oh hey, I can tell
her this about grief and this about grief and this about grief and kind of more words
from Holy Spirit lately with a lot of different things, but with this particular situation
it was like, just be quiet and be present, I'm like, okay, so sometimes it's not always
about fixing or trying to give counsel.
That's good, I think, actually.
Yeah, we have a tendency as guys for sure to want to fix, want to describe, here's how
you solve that, here's the problem and then here's how to solve it.
We are most wired for that and lots of times a girl just wants to be heard and wants to
feel and wants to just kind of like know you're there and the silent support is very
helpful and that can be pretty powerful, yeah.
Very counterintuitive to what we normally want to respond, for sure.
So that's kind of a good kudos, that's good.
Anybody else?
Come on.
I got something.
Go ahead, Zach.
So I was out of town this past weekend, went down to Orlando for a couple of concerts and
got in Thursday night and so just for a little bit of context, I work for a church.
One of the older ladies who works there kind of is like a mother to a lot of the younger
girls on staff and she texted me out of the blue and was like, are you seeing anybody?
And I'm like, no.
So long story short, she ended up telling me that one of the girls had asked her to
reach out to me on her behalf, saying she was interested and...
Getting to meet you?
Just like going on a date, this is a person I've known for years, actually.
We work together, like run in mission circles, things like that.
So we've been friends, had mutual circles and things like that.
So really, it's like, as I've been processing in the last few days, it's one of those situations
where the Lord is really kind of giving me a chance to be a man of integrity in the sense
of some of the things that I've advocated for, beliefs that I've advocated for, I now
have the opportunity to follow through with actions to back those up.
Things like encouraging guys to give a person a chance that has, like if you've got alignment
on values but the physical attraction is not fully there, give it a chance to at least
see that's something that's happening here.
And even lately, some of my prayers to God, I've been basically complaining and whining,
I've never been viewed as attractive by anybody.
And now I got somebody reaching out and saying that they're interested and it's like...
you know, because it's not coming in the package that I expected or wanted, I'm like, okay,
how do I how do I go about this? Like, you know, do I do I follow through? Or like, do
I you know, do I go the superficial route and write it off because I don't have the
physical attraction? Or, like I said, do I be a man of integrity to things that I preach
and, you know, at the very least, you know, just give it a shot. You know, yeah, go on
a couple dates, see how it goes. So I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow.
That's good. Does anybody want to comment on that? Give some advice.
Always choose the path of integrity way to go.
I was gonna say I've got it. I've got to take Zach. You know, we've we've talked about getting
our reps in. And, you know, I think I think this is a good chance to take her out and
show her a great time, raise the bar for how she expects to be treated by other men. And,
you know, if it doesn't go anywhere, it doesn't go anywhere. But at least you take her out
and maybe maybe she knows your spirit mate. And she'll talk really great about Zach's
a great guy. You know, he treated me wonderful. It didn't work out. But, you know, maybe maybe
she introduced you to somebody. Good advice. Love it.
I've been listening to a book. And, you know, she's also a matchmaker. And she was saying
that sometimes a lot of times physical attraction comes the more you're with somebody. And even
if the old the initial like dynamite fire isn't there that you can grow. So I can grow
on you. Just a little thing. But no, it's great that you're being you know, you're back
at, you know, I don't know, I told my best friend, I can't give him more advice because
then I have to practice what I preach. And so I'm glad you're practicing what you preach
because, you know, it's like, oh, man, like, it's easy to say. And it's another thing to
do it. But who knows, like, you know, it's just it's just cool that you're honoring the
Lord. We're faithful with what he brings, diligent with what he brings. And then, you
know, who knows? She could be the one you never you never know. Right. You know, and
but and if you don't give it a chance, you will never know. So great job. We're just
stepping out and doing it.
Good stuff. Yeah, I think the general the general advice in our community, right? Everybody
knows it, right? It's a what until
it's a no until it's a yes. No, just kidding.
I just yelled it out and I was like, oh, yeah, I'm on mute. Yes, till it's a no. It's a yes
till it's a no. So and physical attraction is not enough to tell you that it's a no,
because as much as physical attraction is important, it is true. There is a lot to be
there is a lot to be said for the attraction that comes after the fact. And lots of times
it's the case. Very rarely is it the case where you see somebody you're really attracted
to them physically, like the initial thing, it's just like off the charts. And that is
a really, really good, good thing. Because that's a recipe in a lot of cases, not every
case, a lot of cases for like, dysfunctional relationship, kind of two people coming
together for the wrong reasons, that kind of thing, you know, so definitely give it a
chance. Definitely follow. I think you almost kind of answered your question. Like, you
know, when you said, do I practice what I preach? Okay, well, that's kind of like, kind
of like, I don't have to do that. So I wish you the best for that, man. I we want to we
definitely want to hear a follow up to that. So I'll try and have a report next week. I
know with it being Holy Weekend Easter, things are going to get crazy around the church.
So yeah, right, right. Yeah, I'll obviously keep everybody posted. That's cool. That's
cool. I love it. Thanks for sharing Zach. It's awesome. Thanks for sharing David before
anybody else got something that's on your heart on your mind. What are you going through?
What's happening? Any breakthroughs this week? Anybody, anything? We want to we want to start
having some more breakthroughs guys. And so my wife gave me a list today. And, and I, she
goes, I want you to share this
with the guys and I'm like, okay, I will.
So I'm gonna be obedient, share it with the guys.
This is, are you ready for it?
The wife material checklist
for a Christian middle-aged man.
All right.
Get the drum roll.
You don't like the middle-aged part
and like that offends you, whatever,
if like, whatever, you know, whatever.
Just take that part out, just X that part out.
Wife material checklist for a Christian man.
Are you ready for that?
I have the sheet and I will try to make it available to you
like I did the last one.
Okay.
Anybody wanna take a guess as to maybe what's on this list
or what is even first on this list?
Six foot. Vulnerability.
Godly character.
Looking for a man in finance.
Oh man, if it was. Five blue eyes.
If it was six foot, man, I'm way off.
Actually, I'm way under.
All right, we're missing the mark right off the beginning.
I said vulnerability.
I thought that was pretty close.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is what you are looking for in a wife.
Oh.
Yeah, wife material.
Godly character.
Checklist.
Wife material checklist.
Yes, Daniel said it first
and then somebody else just said it.
Character is number one.
And this is where,
this is one of the things that when I met Jackie,
this is what I noticed early on.
I did notice that she was attractive
and I was attracted to her right away.
But that had to not,
I didn't have to grow in my attraction per se,
but I had to go beyond the attraction
because remember my prayer,
I don't know if you guys remember this,
but my prayer had just been before I met her,
Lord, I don't wanna be alone the rest of my life,
but I have these kids, I have this career,
I'm doing stuff, I can't just go with anybody.
I can't just pick anybody that's just a pretty woman
who doesn't love my kids, doesn't love you,
who's not gonna champion what we're trying to do together
as a family, all that kind of stuff, okay?
So I had to find that out.
One of the things I found out early on with her
was at the end of the day,
regardless of what we had talked about,
regardless of what we were doing,
regardless of how much fun we had,
at the end of the day, she's like,
she really wanted, she had the heart to please the Father.
She had the heart to please God, right?
And so it was really good that I found that out.
So this is the kind of character
where she loves God deeply.
She's not just a church attender,
but she has evidence
with a personal relationship with Christ.
That's very important, okay?
She has consistent integrity.
She does what's right even when no one is watching.
She is a teachable spirit,
open to growth, correction, and learning.
She has kindness and passion.
She exhibits kindness and compassion.
She treats others with grace,
and especially those who can't benefit her,
she treats others with grace.
Now, that's a big, tall list right there for character.
I mean, that says a lot.
And that's like, how many of you are thinking,
oh yeah, I know five women just like that.
Like, you know, I get it.
It sounds like a very tall order,
but what we're talking about
is we're talking about someone who exhibits,
the wannabe exhibits the working towards,
the moving forward in.
They don't have to be all that in a bag of chips.
They just have to be willing to be this person.
You know, a woman will show you,
women typically, good women,
especially Christian women,
they're gonna like love God,
you know, in spite of whatever trauma,
dysfunction that they've gone through,
but they're gonna love God.
They're going to have hopefully a teachable spirit.
Women usually are a little bit more kind
and compassionate than men.
So you shouldn't have too much trouble
when you come across a good woman
to find, see this character, okay?
So character is the first on the checklist.
Number two is emotional maturity.
This is where she's healed from the past.
She's not perfect.
She's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination,
but she's been doing the work or has begun the work
and is a woman.
aware, and working through trauma, heartbreaks, baggage,
that kind of stuff.
Self-aware, she knows her triggers
and takes responsibility for emotions.
Some women may be in the process of learning this
as you're getting to know them.
You want her to communicate well,
where she can express her needs, set boundaries,
have hard conversations respectfully,
and stable, not reactive.
She doesn't live in drama or create chaos.
Although the feminine in the yin and yang of things,
and she's talking about feminine, masculine,
feminine does represent chaos.
But feminine in the redeemed, in the heavenly form
represents the kind of chaos that is not out of order,
not as disrespectful, but is the kind of chaos
that is wild in terms of the imagination,
in terms of wild, a free spirit,
someone who is willing to go outside of the box.
How many of you as men tend to be like in the box?
Like things gotta be in order, things gotta be rules,
things gotta be this, it's gotta be a certain way.
A woman, a good woman will come along
and like mess that up in a good way.
And I think men find that attractive in some ways.
I think eventually in marriage and relationship,
as you're getting to know each other,
you might have a tendency to push each other's buttons.
And that can become really annoying.
But at the same time, you're gonna grow in relationship
with your spouse enough to know that
when she's wanting to sort of like paint outside the lines,
sometimes you wanna go with that.
Lots of times you wanna go with that
because it makes it fun, it makes it interesting.
It opens you up to the emotional side of you.
It brings out the part of you that needs to come
that she's making better.
Same thing happens to her.
Like you're only seeing this from one side.
So the next step after character, emotional maturity,
is relationship readiness.
She wants marriage and not just attention.
I feel like going down this list
is this is kind of being a little bit discouraging.
Anybody discouraged on this list?
No?
Not discouraging, but I'm not discouraged.
No?
Not discouraging, just kind of like-
Wandering?
Well-
Where is this woman?
Well, no, in the sense it's like a fair amount
of women are like that within the LYS community.
Like in the sense of being marriage minded,
but it's more of like,
I think teacher's the wrong word,
but it's almost someone that's like able to invest in you,
but from,
I think I'm not finding the right word in my head,
but almost someone that's like
in the same classroom as you type of thing.
And I can't figure out a smart sounding word
to describe that.
Yeah.
Well, let's get into this
relationship readiness.
She wants marriage, not just attention.
She's intentional and clear
about wanting to build a future.
Okay?
She talks about wanting to be a wife and a mother.
And we can't, as men, we can't be afraid of a woman
that actually wants to be married,
that wants to have these things.
It's one thing to say, I want to be in relationship.
I don't want to be alone.
I want to have that significant other.
I want a woman by my side and so forth.
It's another thing to make the full commitment
to a woman who really wants to be married,
have children and all that comes with that.
That ain't easy, you know?
And so what's interesting about this list
is that you have to think about,
okay, this is what you're looking for in a woman.
This is the kind of things,
is one woman going to check up all these things?
Maybe not.
But the question is,
is are you the compliment in the male
with this, right?
This list would be very similar to the male,
character, emotional maturity, relationship readiness.
If you want to, you can go down this list for yourself
and go, hey, do I have character?
Do I love God deeply?
I don't just go to church and say I do,
but I actually have a relationship with God.
Am I having consistent,
do I do the right things when nobody's looking?
Am I open to growth and learning?
Am I kind and compassionate?
That kind of stuff.
And women love men who can exhibit that kind of stuff.
So if you're looking for the male counterpart to this,
it's kind of like the same list.
But this is the kind of woman you're looking for.
She supports your vision and purpose.
She sees your calling and doesn't compete with it. It's not competitive
The question is though guys is do you have a calling?
Do you have a vision for your life?
Because that's what attracts a woman
I told my wife very early on when we were starting to date before we got married, obviously
I was
being
sort of
edged out of the ministry that I was involved with
at the time and I was working at
And it wasn't fun or pretty for that matter
But it just was it was and I was there for a very long time had a lot of a lot of investment
in that ministry
but
I told my wife one time in a like we were driving in a car and she's like what do you what do you want to
be
and i'm like
I think I want to be a rock and roll singer
And she was like
Okay
She said okay like seriously she didn't go like
Okay, like oh, that's weird. She's like, yeah
I'm down with that
I can be the wife of a rock and roll singer
And i'm like, okay
Let's do it
Did I become a rock and roll singer? No
Do I have the skills and ability to possibly do that line of work? Yes
however
It is precarious. That's a very uncertain industry
Things did not go that way. That's not we had kids. We had blend of fame. We had all these things
We did not go that way
But I was able to articulate
something
That I really like connected with in my passion. Like I really wanted to be something and she was like
Okay
Now granted she might have been in an
In a stage in her life where she was just like i'll just take anything
You know
but
i'm just saying
If you can answer the question, this is kind of like will we get back to the question?
What do you want? Right? Do you have a calling? Do you have a vision for your life?
Do you have something that you can give a woman to go?
Okay
Yeah
Let's do it
Even if it isn't the thing that actually becomes who you are, you know i'm saying
Being able to articulate that to a woman to give her something to like connect to and go
This man has purpose this man has thought about this man has a vision for his life
This man wants to achieve something wants to go after something
Rather than just some dude is like yeah, i'm just kind of hanging out doing my thing. Whatever
I got this job
I don't really like it. You know i'm saying like that's a that's a big difference
So that's helpful for you to be able to work on
Do you have a calling do you have vision?
Do you have a vision?
Does she have something?
That she can partner with with you
And again, even though I was telling her I want to be a rock and roll singer
um
You know a couple years before that. I probably wouldn't like I want to be
A praise and worship leader. I want to be like, uh, i'll be something else for my life. That's the only
It's the there were things about me that I did not understand that later came
To be known about me like my vision increased my vision became greater for who I want to be
Okay
But it started out and it was good enough for Jackie Dorman to say, okay
Be a rock and roll singer
I can be married to a rock and roll singer
Right
Okay
um
Uh, she's a team player
She values partnership. She doesn't want a power struggle. She has gifts and talents, too
But she's not trying to be better you she just wants to be a complimentary opposite or maybe she has a stronger gift set
You know a lot of ways my wife has a stronger gift set a more like
um public gift set like she wouldn't be able to do what she does without me, but at the same time
Like people often look at her and me and they're like, oh she's sort of like the more like more well-known more this and that
And that that wasn't the way it was when I was in my previous marriage in my previous marriage I was
Uh, david dorman. I was mr. Dorman. I was all the thing and then my wife was my wife
even though she was
an academic
um
Executive
In the school that we were at
Which is interesting, you know, but she was just considered just the contextually
She was considered my wife now. Lots of times we go into places. That's jackie dorman. And oh, by the way, that's her husband
Okay, that's kind of the way it goes sometimes now
Contextually depends on where we're at where we're showing up
Okay
I'm not competitive with that but at the same time I'm also wanting to come into what it is
what's my purpose what's my role to play so I'm consistently working on that
business development all sorts of things that aren't really up front but they support what
we're doing right um what else here understands biblical roles without being religious we've
talked a lot about this she's submitted submitted to God but she has mutual respect and partnership
with you and you know I love Ephesians when it talks about husband's love wives wives submit
husband's love and she's supposed to submit that means that she's that's the most that means that
she's supposed to work to be in agreement with you she's supposed to want to hear your logic
and sort of corral her chaos to fit with the logic of you which makes for a beautiful partnership
right um and then of course it's the husband's job to love love how as Christ loved the church
giving literally laying down his life for the church that's a hard task
that means getting up out of bed at three o'clock in the morning when she needs you to serve her
type stuff not just that but I mean you know it's an that's an example last night I'll tell
you why we were both I told you at the beginning of this call I was ill I think I have contracted
the norovirus so I've got this like flu-y type of symptoms I'm kind of achy right now
taking this stuff in order to get better but she started developing it too and she gets in the
and she gets in the middle of the night she's sick it's extremely I don't even think I can
remember a time where we've actually both been sick together and it was a pathetic mess we
literally were in bed all day today we had family in town they had to like fend for themselves they're
like you just got to go do what you got to do we're contagious we're going to lay in bed and
you got it like I can't we can't be with you we can't spend time with you and it really sucks
because it was like this is the last day that they're here and so that was difficult but we
were not able to like I tried to serve her a little bit try to rub her try to like massage but
it was not it was not it was not very pretty last night that's relationship readiness so
character emotional maturity relationship readiness number four life compatibility
aligned and core values faith family finances and lifestyle that's helpful she wants to raise
your kids like you know jewish orthodox and you're a christian that's gonna be challenging
and difficult or whatever so faith family finances lifestyle you can you cannot you can find a woman
you can find a woman who isn't necessarily understand where you're coming from in some
of these areas and then you can come to an alignment together you can come in agreement
on some of these things but you're looking for someone who is willing I think probably the
biggest the biggest word in this is they're willing to be all these things with you they're
willing to be aligned in core values they're willing to have a similar vision for the future
if you're called to be a missionary and she doesn't want to leave the house
that's going to be challenging like how's that going to work I know people who actually are
married and they actually do have that kind of arrangement where some literally someone's like
traveling all the time and somebody's just such a home body but they've been married for 40 years
I'm like that's amazing I don't know how you made that work but kudos on you so can it work yes but
at the same time is it ideal no it's probably not so you want to look for someone with similar
vision for the future emotional availability she's ready to love and be loved respects your age and
life experience this is what we talk about like if you're trying to find somebody that you're like
wanting to match like people often talk about age like being a big factor like what is the age range
that you know like how older younger whatever should I be like and the biggest thing is you
want to do is you want to match life seasons Jackie talks about that a lot you want to match life
seasons
If you have kids already, which some of you do,
and you're not really interested in having more kids,
nothing wrong with that,
and she doesn't have any kids and she wants to birth kids,
now you've got to make up your mind.
It's like, oh, is that something that I'm,
am I in a different season than her?
Not to say that that won't work out,
but it's something that definitely needs to be discussed
and needs to be looked at.
Number five is attractiveness that goes beyond looks.
So finally, we get down to the attraction part of it.
Physical attraction matters, but it doesn't lead,
doesn't have to lead, probably shouldn't lead.
I mean, it can lead in the sense that,
like you look at this person, you're like,
hey, she's pretty cute, nothing wrong with that.
I'm just saying there's a lot of men and a lot of good men
that are placing a huge emphasis on that initial attraction.
And you got to give it a minute for that,
because the kind of attraction that's going to keep you,
not keep you married, but I mean,
the kind of attraction that's gonna serve you well
in the marriage is going to be more than just a physical,
because for one thing's for sure,
the physical definitely changes, no doubt about that.
Can't do nothing about that, that's just age.
The other thing is, is that that lasts
about two milliseconds.
There's gotta be something more in the relationship
that you're connecting on that gives you energy
and gives you value, gives you like, man, I love this woman.
This woman is my, there's just,
we've got so many things connecting on
and you get to grow in that.
That is not something that you get to like,
check off all this list and then get married.
This is the stuff that grows in marriage.
So you should be drawn to her, but not led by lust.
Very important, graceful and confident.
She carries herself with dignity and a beautiful spirit.
You feel peace, joy, and a sense of safety
when you're around her.
So this is the, this is the massive wife material
checklist for Christian middle-aged man.
And if you wanna turn it around on yourself,
you wanna ask yourself, hey, am I these things?
Do I do these things?
Am I working towards these things?
You know, what do I have to bring to the table as well
in terms of what a woman would be wanting to partner with
and be attracted to?
A lot of them are very similar to this list.
Okay, we've got hands raised,
probably questions, comments.
David, go ahead.
Yeah, I was gonna ask, recently came into prayer
that I was,
pursuit, and I was actually gonna say,
talk about seasons, and then you actually brought it up
after I had the thought, I was just curious,
are there like concrete, definitive titles of seasons?
Oh, titles of seasons?
I mean, it depends on what kind of,
it depends on what kind of,
what topic you're talking about.
Like if you're talking about sort of like a life journey
season, like for instance, having kids, not having kids,
career oriented, you know, topic.
This person's in a very, like this person's a lawyer
and I'm not even anywhere near that.
I don't really have that.
Like you're gonna have to, is that going to be an issue
in terms of like the career path?
Maybe this person is so involved in their career,
it's just like, would this be, does she have time?
You know, is she even marriage minded
because of this career type of thing?
You know, it's just things to sort of like look for.
I actually had a friend that was a really good friend of mine
that said, he said, before you get married,
his opinion was, we did not take this advice,
but I think it's still a pretty good opinion.
His opinion was, is that, you know, you should go
through every calendar season with somebody.
There's something about the seasons that brings out like,
what are they, what does this person do at Christmas time?
What if you met this person like, you know, in spring
and by the fall you're married or you're like,
heavily going on with this person
or you're engaged or whatever.
And then Christmas rolls around.
And then her tradition for Christmas is like, whack.
Like, you're like, what?
Like, wait a minute, we don't do that.
I don't even know what that is.
Like that could cause a real issue.
That could cause.
So it's helpful to be able to walk through
like the actual seasons with somebody.
And we talk about this a lot in last year's single,
we talk about if you're gonna date long,
have a short engagement,
or if you're going to date short and get to engagement,
have a long engagement.
Either way, have some time that you're giving yourself
to get to know this person in terms of a courtship.
Next question.
Do you mean black as in nothing there
or black as in like black, ugly, cursed sweater?
What now?
You said she's black?
No, no, no, I said whack.
Oh, okay.
Like if you don't understand
or you're just not like in the realm of like,
that's just a great-
It doesn't flow.
Okay.
For instance, like, you know,
what does she do around Mother's Day?
What does she do around her birthday?
What does she do around like,
there's different things that come around every year
that people do.
And it may be helpful for you to like,
just, you know, get to know this person
in and out of those seasons
because they're different things.
People do different things
at different times of the year, right?
It can be helpful you to get to know somebody.
What are they like in wintertime?
What are they like in summertime?
You know?
It will reveal like different seasons of the year,
just have a way of revealing different aspects
of everybody's personality.
So it's just an idea.
It's not a hard, rigid rule.
It's just a concept.
Anybody else?
Questions, comments, concerns?
Anybody want to amend the list?
Add or take away?
Well, I think it's a really good list.
And I think the key is you being a person.
You know, so many guys want the woman
who's stacked and fit and all that,
but then they're not fit themselves.
So like, what do you bring into the table?
Right?
Like, I mean, imperfectly,
but like, you know, like if you're a $5 dude
and you want a million dollar girl,
like, you know, like what are you doing to bring value?
And I think, you know,
I talked to a lot of women
and they want a man with a plan,
but just they want something to partner with
and they want something that makes them,
cause I know a lot of women that make a lot of money.
They're like, money doesn't matter.
I just want to be able to respect him for something.
Exactly.
And the thing about it is,
you don't even have to be a $5 man and a million dollar woman
if she's a million dollar woman,
maybe you could be a hundred thousand dollar man.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, she can look at you and go,
hey, you know, the value that we bring on,
like the idea of like what is successful
is not at all the same thing that women look at.
I mean, yeah.
If they're like a gold digger type thing,
then we get all that.
But what I'm saying is like a real good woman
who actually like wants to bring value.
We'll look at a guy and like, you know,
hey, he may not be the richest man in the world,
but he's got character integrity.
And he's, you know, he sees me for who I am
and he's wanting to be in partnership.
Like he wants to love me.
That's, that is a recipe for success.
Yeah.
Right there.
And when I say $5 dude,
I mean like somebody who's not really doing anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
It wasn't, you know, I mean, that what,
I mean, if you're doing something,
then you're worth far more than that.
Right.
I mean, that's what I'm saying.
It's kind of like, hey, you know, yeah.
Could you, if you are a $5 dude,
could you be a $50,000 dude, $100,000 dude?
You know, like, yeah, let's work towards that.
Increase your value every year.
But I do, you know, like it's a partnership,
like the physical part, like you said, two milliseconds.
And it's like, you know,
that like what's the rest of the relationship built on?
I've done, I've lived, been there, done that,
got that t-shirt, don't ever want it again.
And that's why, you know, I tell you guys,
and I just talk about all the time about being partnership.
You want somebody to partner with.
You don't want somebody to lord over, right?
You know, like a lot of people take the Ephesians verse,
but before it even says, wives submit to husbands,
it says both be submitted to Christ.
That's true.
Right?
Like, and so I just want somebody to walk alongside
and to be there and to be my cheerleader.
And so, and like, and I try to actually be a cheerleader
and try to develop those skills.
So when I do finally meet her,
then we're going to be like matching better, right?
You know, I mean, the waiting time's a good time
to invest in yourself and become a million dollar man.
That's true.
Right?
So I just, that's just my couple cents.
Who else?
Comments, concerns, questions.
I have my hand up.
Go ahead, Hunter.
Well, I caught on the Lord and I know that I finally got,
as you know, I'm actually making progress
on not self-gratifying and it's basically.
the more you stop focus. I said I shouldn't bother me and they said no don't focus like look at and then put before the Lord and
Basically, I heard God
I prayed about wine the spirit of a and God says don't think of looking meaning you see someone cuz I was at the conference
I saw women try to interact and get a happen took match in my own hands, but really I didn't get anywhere
It's basically don't try to look like control everything and let God work
You just go in or I get to know the person like God lead you. I think people I just figured out
That's why I meant like like for example, I talked to some women on singles nation, too
And I figured you know what? I just how am I thinking? How am I supposed to work?
How am I supposed to do this?
Well to summarize it the how I get calculated look at your past
Relationships look at how those women that you that I was in level three relationship behaved and I didn't like it
You don't like how they behaved took because a lot of these level three relationships. I had to
Reflected my past immature behavior and I'm like, you don't like how they behave immaturely
Don't behave like that towards others and think about what this person would think they want to be loved night and not used or
Instead of of course, I had this whole idea of getting done getting done like try to focus on
like I want to marry because there's something in it for me because I want to marry because the
Benefits and the families and I want so our families can have everything
I want to make the most of my money and make the most of it
But well, of course, there's nothing wrong with that
Like go in and have self-certain going because you there's something in it for you
We get out of it like going out and gain a job because there's money in it
If you work if you work in put some hours and work then there's money in it
But marriage I think is a new ballgame an extra layer like intimacy building an intimate relationship instead of saying come on
Hey, I I want you in because you're fitting my bill
No
I'm doing it because I
Actually like you I want to get to know you more and more and build on the intimacy from level one to the level three
Or something and I figured I don't know if you've seen get my mom the right guy a good moral picture of it
Because I think this is all I need to know before I meet my spear mate
You like my days of being single might be number even when you you and Jackie called this app last year singles
Good good. Thank you. Thank you for sharing hunter good insight. Love it. Love it
Anybody else
Questions comments concerned, but I guess I just wanted to say that like I thought the list is like really good
Like it's just solid, you know
Good
Yeah, he and I were on the sound off and he complimented how I figured this out
Anybody have a anybody have it anybody been challenged to
Go, okay. I'm looking for this woman, but
Where's the part that I'm going to like step up, you know?
Anybody challenged in that way, it's just like
Yeah, it's always been that's a struggle but it definitely is a struggle because I mean it's like I
Unfortunately feel like I have the tendency to take and not give
So I do need to work on that. I knew I need to figure out like what it is that I can, you know, give
You know to a relationship
That's good, what are you gonna give
I guess that's the problem. I don't really know
Like what what is the guy usually good
you have
You have your love which is what?
Laying down your life. Mm-hmm support
You have your
willingness to provide
There's lots at you. There's a lot at you. Yeah, there's a lot at you
There's lots that you have to give
You just you know, you walk in a relationship long enough to where you learn what does this woman need for me?
I mean, you know, I mean, I mean, it's kind of like that like what does this woman need for me?
Like that like that the worldly like sort of like fleshly thing would like what is it gonna take for this girl to
Sleep with me, right?
The antithesis to that is what is it gonna take for this woman
To respectfully want to partner with me
That's the question
Abram you had your hand raised
Um, andy the reason why she makes you sandwiches is so when the burglar's brick in the house you die first that's the trade bro
Okay, so
That's what he's talking about by your life.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, but, um, I think I've got to the point guys where I am willing to move
across the country to have a family.
Wow.
If you ask me right now, okay.
Stay at home, stay in your town with all your, everyone you've ever known
or move somewhere and have a family, man.
I'm picking my family, man.
It's official.
That's powerful.
That's a big step for you.
I know family is super important.
Yeah.
Like it's almost like, um, my heart's almost already, I'm almost like grieving
at the ideas of if I make that decision, what my life will look like in
relationships that I have with my family members right now, like how can I
except that I'm going to see my dad possibly less times than I have fingers
and toes in the next 10 years.
Wow.
It sucks, but it's all worth it if I have a family, because my dad would
want me to have a kid, have my own family deep down inside.
So he would, he would tell me to go.
He would tell you to go.
I think he would.
He doesn't want me to go.
I hung out with my dad today for a couple hours, just shooting the shit.
And yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, it's a big step.
Yeah.
I actually have a big, uh, a big announcement to myself.
Um, uh, so I, um, I believe I've discovered a new avenue that like, I
think is going to work like much better for me, like a lot easier to find the
right person.
Um, so, um, my, uh, my counselor, cause I see a counselor and, um, he kept
bugging me, like he's a Christian counselor and he kept bugging me, um,
like, Hey, when are you going to go, um, meet a nice Asian woman, like online.
And I'm like, um, I always, I was like, you know, I mean that long distance,
like international, are you kidding me?
And, um, and so I kept like shrugging it off.
And then like, he mentioned it again last time.
I was like, you know, um, I heard that the Philippines is like a very Catholic
country and like, they have very, like they're very traditional values and like
their culture is like, um, it, it, it, it's easier for like a guy from America
to date a woman from the Philippines.
Like, there's like a lot people are talking about that.
And so I joined a website called, um, Christian Filipina and, um,
it's a really good website.
Like they, they have really good customer service.
They do like, um, they like help you, like if you're going to like visit and
I'm like, they, they, they help you out.
And then, and then like, if, uh, you want to get married and she wants, she's going
to come back, she's going to come to the United States, they, um, they, they have
a way to make the immigration process smoother.
So it's like, they, they really like have this down to a T and this is a legit
website, right?
Legit, very legit.
And they keep out scammers and everything.
Like it's, it's, it's, I'm just really, um, like wowed by it.
And like, I, I really feel like this could be something.
Okay.
Do you have any questions, Andy?
I have experience with dating Filipino women.
And, uh, actually my, I think part of my mission field is also Philippines.
I've lived in, uh, Mindanao, the Southern part, um, a handful of
months, and I've been among Filipinos in Singapore for probably collectively.
Nine ish months over the last five years.
I stayed in touch with them, but I know what the process looks like.
Cause I actually did try to marry someone from Southern, uh, Philippines.
And so there's many ways to go about it.
If you go through the formal ways that Christian Filipino wants you to go
through, which there's nothing wrong with it, just be prepared to fork out 20 to
$30,000, uh, for that assistance.
But, you know, at the end of the day, you know, they're also there to support
you, to help you get something that works for you, that's not going to be
bulletproof, but, you know, take your time.
Don't rush it.
Yeah.
Stranger things.
Uh, you know, I, I, I don't know how, I don't have any experience with, um, I'd
liked, I'd looked at their website though, real quickly.
I liked the fact that the choices are a man looking for.
woman, woman looking for a man and that's it.
So that's helpful.
And, and I thought that was, that was good.
Thank you for your insight there, Josh.
That's fascinating.
I didn't know that you had that experience
or that background.
Yeah.
And if you need any tips to avoid being scammed,
just let me know.
Cause I have, I've seen people be scammed.
Yeah.
I've been scammed, but my story is not quite that.
So, but that is probably the biggest concern,
but at the same time, you never know.
It's easy.
Cause you know, for them, Filipinos,
I'll make this real short.
For Filipinos, white people are wealthy.
Automatically you're wealthy.
If you're taller than four feet,
you're automatically wealthy.
If you're from a foreign country,
you're automatically wealthy.
If you're a Filipino and went to work abroad,
you're automatically wealthy.
So there's, it's one of those things,
you know how it's like,
if you've got too much money in your hands
that you can foolishly steward it.
If you know what I mean?
Like you would misuse it.
You would tell yourself, yeah, man,
I can't handle this much money
because I've never had a responsive,
a maturing process to be able to handle that much.
So in the Philippines, it's,
there's a very real application of that,
where as a Westerner, it is way too easy.
I'm telling you firsthand,
way too easy to give too much money
out of a good, genuine heart.
Right, right.
And that would actually lead to ruin.
So you have to be careful on several things, but anyway.
Yeah, let's, let's put that before our,
this is why we developed this community
so that we could have this kind of support
and because kind of like,
hey bro, you want to think about that?
Or that's ill-advised.
Or, hey, you know, I don't know.
Stranger things have happened.
So thanks guys for that, that, that input.
Anybody else?
We've got just a few minutes left here.
Reacting to this, this list,
or even just in preparation, like,
you know, I asked a few months ago,
like what is your number one?
Are you, is number,
is getting married on your number one priority?
And how would you, how would,
how would you all feel today
in answering that question?
I believe in it.
Thumbs up.
Give a thumbs up.
David's hand up.
Give a thumbs up if you're Hunter.
Number one priority, getting married,
like getting into a marriage-minded relationship
that is like, I mean, obviously you have your career,
you have your job,
you're trying to make things work in your life.
That's obvious, right?
But at the same time, like your,
your number one thing emotionally
in preparing for your person, Daniel,
the rest of you that did not thumbs up or whatever,
does that mean you are not?
That is not a priority.
Well, so David, like it's a complicated,
it's as simple as like a simple question, right?
So I am ready for that.
I'm completely ready,
but I don't have any availability.
I've been pursuing a couple of that people.
So I would say, yes, it's a priority,
but it's not something that,
but I'm not going to wedge myself into a situation,
force myself into a situation where-
Yeah, and I'm not talking about like a,
I'm desperate and I'll do anything
to get in a relationship.
It's about like, hey, you're actively pursuing this.
Well, yeah, if somebody were,
if I did have the opportunity, right,
which I haven't had much opportunity,
I have a ring fund, I have a wedding fund,
I'm ready to rock and roll.
So, I mean, I guess, so,
but at the same, you know, I just was like, okay, yes.
So that's, Mike, that's good.
That's preparation.
That's like, that's what I'm talking about.
I mean, everybody needs to ask themselves these questions.
Like, am I not, like I'm ready mentally,
like, you know, like I think about it and I want to,
but what are the groundwork preparations?
Do you have a ring fund?
Do you have, you know,
are you stable in your work right now
to where this is something that I could, you know,
provide in a family situation, you know?
And if not, then let's get to talking about that.
Let's get to working on that.
Let's get moving on that so that you can be ready.
That's what this community is about.
You know, Abram, that was a big step in his life today.
Like, I know Abram works.
I know Abram's able.
I know Abram has.
has a good heart to love the woman.
You have a good intuition towards women
and what you're looking for in a partner.
You're pretty open and flexible.
But I know that that family situation was a big hurdle.
That was a big monumental thing,
like, okay, I've settled in my heart
that if it takes literally moving across country,
family and me having a legacy of family,
having kids, having a wife,
having an established establishment
is important, so I'm willing to do it.
That's huge.
These are the things that each of you
need to ask yourself the questions,
like, what is it standing in my way?
It's not just, I don't know any women
or I don't have any dates or anything like that.
That's like, that's the easy stuff.
Like, but what's literally standing in your way
to like, if you did find the right person,
they just literally walked up to you off the street,
would you be ready to step into
this kind of relationship?
Are you gonna have all your ducks in a row?
No, nobody has all their ducks in a row.
But you have to have some ducks in a row
to where you can present yourself
in a way that looks promising, right?
So my question is this real simple.
It's kind of like, hey, are you actively pursuing this?
That's the question.
Who else has comment things?
Okay, good.
Hunter, just talk.
Okay, so I came up with this idea
that I've been trying, one way,
if this is a good way of preparation,
I hope it is because every season of mine
from my mid to late 20s and early 30s,
I've been doing, I was grabbing everything
that's available in the season and making the most of it.
Like in my mid 20s, I went out and tried to find a job
and try to, and I get my independent life together.
And then I would go off to Christian concerts
and go pay my old high school and college friends a visit,
go hiking with groups of men,
and then even go see my family,
go see my family events too,
and go see the house I was raised in
that my dad sold off, and then go travel abroad,
basically trying to make the most of my season
because this whole idea is,
oh, I want to do that cool stuff once I'm married.
No, how about do it now?
Because by the time you're married,
some doors might be closed.
As I was saying, if you focus on the future and the marriage,
you're going to miss out
what you could have done in the present.
Or, oh, I forgot another one, buy my first car
and save up enough to buy my very first car
in my early 30s.
And then go to conferences and go to beaches
and let's think, oh, go meet new people.
Yeah, and these are things you're saying
you've already done and you are doing.
All right, I haven't gotten,
I can list a whole list in order,
but I don't know if we have enough time for it.
But if I'm on the spotlight and asked,
what have I done to make the most of my life?
Because that was my purpose is,
yeah, make the most of it.
Not sit at home, play World of Warcraft or computer games.
Because that was my fear when I was 20
before I got into the world,
is my mom was afraid that I would sit around,
play World of Warcraft.
I would play video games all the time, yeah.
Of course, there was a time and place in downtime
when I played moderately and didn't,
and don't let me.
I love that.
Thank you, thank you for sharing, Hunter.
That's true, that's real true.
If you're sitting around playing video games,
I mean, you know, I know that there's professional gamers.
I get it, I know it's a thing.
I know it's a hobby, I get it.
I mean, I like to play golf,
but I never get to play, right?
Because I'm too busy doing some other stuff.
But every once in a while,
when I do have the chance to get out and play golf,
I really enjoy it.
So when you do have the chance to pick up a video game
and you play it, that's awesome.
I'm just not a video game guy, you know?
And the thing about it is,
is that video game playing is synonymous
with like, that's all you do,
just sit around and play video games, you know?
So if you have a purposeful thing,
like I'm actually a gamer developer or like whatever,
you're like, or this is part of the industry that I'm in.
Maybe that's, you know, maybe that's part of your story.
I don't know.
I know some people that are actually in that industry
and they are players because that's just,
that's how they learn how to do
whatever they're gonna do for work.
But, so when I say,
if you're gonna sit around
and just play video games all day long,
I mean that, you know, metaphorically speaking.
Just so you know, just so nobody's offended.
Guys, we're at the hour, 8.03.
Good discussion tonight.
I'm...
I'm still not feeling that great. But anyway, so just pray for me, but father God
We're just we're just end this in prayer tonight guys. Ah
Father God, we just thank you Lord for these men. I bless each one of these men. I speak life over them
speak healing wealth and
I speak
Just vision and purpose over them I
Thank you that you're working in each one of their lives to produce
The absolute best version of themselves Lord that they can be
And I thank you right now Lord that they'll each have an epiphany and awakening
a
Revelation to move forward into the next step. What is the next step?
Because it can't just be sitting around doing what I'm doing. Now. There's there's always something more. There's always something
There's another step to take another thing to do. So father God, I thank you Lord for that
thank you that you're leading us in love and patience and mercy and
I just pray this in Jesus name. Amen. Amen
Man, all right guys. God bless you. Have a great week a day
Hey Dave before you cut off. Yeah. Yeah
So hey guys, I know a lot of us like struggle financially and stuff, right?
and I'm not like a financial guru, but
I know some ways
that I could possibly give some people some tips on how to save like
five percent on most of their fixed cost bills and
I'm not a financial guy, but if maybe one of these times
You know, you guys want to give me like 10 minutes I guess explain what I do and this is not like
There's no pyramid scheme here. There's no
But yeah, I'd like to give everybody like the advice if I can to save you guys five bucks on utility bills TV internet streaming
Grocery bills gas bills. I can knock off like 5%
By just using credit cards I got a little thing here
So a lot of credit cards have rewards. So maybe one day we have a little time
I know it's not a ton of money. It's not a large percentage, but you know
Your utility bills gas bills never going away
So if all of us could save 5% on all those fixed costs or a running cost
At the end of the year, that's gonna be a lot of money
And so if you guys want to give me a little bit of time, I'll explain there's no bullshit with this. There's no dishonesty
It's just using credit cards and the rewards
So, yeah, if you guys want two cents on that I'm willing to share I'm just kind of like figure this out on my own
I don't have any financial not a fan. I'm not a finance guy. I'm a restaurant guy
But yeah, maybe one of these days. Let me know. I'll be willing to share because
These bills are never going down gas never going down electricity is never going down
So we could shave off some money to help ourselves save money and do goals. Um, I'm down to help out
That's good. I like it. You know what we might get into a little bit of a
We might do that where we do it each time or maybe one whole session
It's super fast
Yeah, yeah, no, but I would be interested to know
What each one of you?
knows
that
Somebody else doesn't know like each one of you. I have a strong conviction
That each one of you have a certain expertise a certain like hey, I don't know about y'all
But I this is one thing I do know and I do know this well
And I want to share it with you
Maybe it can be a help to you kind of like what Abrams like pitching here is like something that's like
This is just advice. This is a strategy. This is something I do my personal life
I'd be willing to
Open up and have that advice be shared because anything that could be helpful in that way. I love strategy. I love
Business stuff I love, you know life hacking all that kind of stuff. So yeah, we could
So if you want to we want to email me
I'll put my email in the
Notes, yes, it's just David a J media.org. Okay, that's just me. Oh, it's 5%
You want to submit your idea or submit like hey, this is something I would like I got 10 minutes I could I could
Share my strategy could share my the thing that I know that I'm good at
And I'm talking about the thing that you're really good I mean like
Like I know this this is like the one thing I do this I know this is like a really really good piece of advice
So
We'll go from there quick question David
Do you have a record of when we like first started on any of the zoom calls?
Like like each of us individually, I don't know that's like
Capture tracked at all. I was just trying to find a way. I don't have I don't have
traction on attendance for this call specifically, I
Know I know when people signed up for the program
General, I know when I signed up, it was just it was some conversation I was having with you and Jackie. I think it was either
Oscar Supernatural Saturday or a Faith Friday and it's Faith Friday. I explained to why it's not recorded but
Yeah, I couldn't tell you on this. I couldn't tell you for this session like attend. Yeah that
Got you. No, I know when I signed up it was just trying to like
Stuff from my own notes on
From when I actively started showing up to now I
Think for another call another day man doors, okay
All right, guys. God bless. Have a good one
Have a great week. We'll talk to you soon