WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. So good to have you here. I'm going to apologize ahead of

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time. I am not feeling 100%. So if my voice is a little raspy, I think we're probably

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dealing with some allergies here and just lack of like energy right now. So but welcome.

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I'm so happy that y'all are here. This is Phase 2 live check in for April 15. This is

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the one o'clock call. Do I have any newbies on yet? I recognize everybody here. Do I have

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any new ones? If you are new and I miss you, I apologize. All right. So we're just going

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to touch on a couple housekeeping things. And before I hit record, Stephanie was asking

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a question. So she's going to ask her question and we're going to take that because she has

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to go on mute here in a few minutes because she's got students coming in. And I don't

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typically do that, but I want to get to her question. So and then I'll get to some of

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the things that's happening in the chat as well. But I definitely want to touch base.

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I know that there was a mishap on the recording last week. And so I'm still trying to work

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to see if we can get that replay up and going for you ladies from last week. But I want

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to kind of touch a few things that we went over in housekeeping last week. And that was

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the Jackie. Jackie and the team, we've noticed that some ladies are we're seeing this rise

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in ladies trying to kind of rush through Phase 1 and Phase 2. And so I just want to give

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just a friendly, loving reminder that, you know, you get out of this program what you

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put into it. And when you kind of try to rush through the program, you're really doing yourself

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a disservice. And I say that lovingly as someone who's been through the program myself.

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So those of you that might be watching and replay that don't know who I am. My name is

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Carla Johnson. I'm a coach here at last year's single for Phase 2. And I'm a success story

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from Jackie's program. So I joined her in the beginning at 2020. And after a few years

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of being in this program, I did meet my husband and we got married at the towards the end

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of 2023. So we've been married a little over a year and a half now. So I've done the hard

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work stuff. I've walked through the program and I know where y'all have been. I have been

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there too. So that's why I lovingly say don't rush through the process. It really, really

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is a disservice. Make sure that you're watching one force video a week and showing up to the

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live calls and posting in our community. And just again, we see our most success stories

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from those that stay engaged, show up in community, stretch themselves, like that's where the

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breakthrough happens. Okay, so just keep that in mind. Make sure that you're checking out

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all the tabs in the app and watching those replays and staying as best up to date as

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you can, not just replays from our Tuesday call if you can't make it live, but also Supernatural

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Saturday that we post as well. Okay, so I'm going to just well, Stephanie, we're going

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to take your question. But I just want to before we do that, I want to remind ladies

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that have questions today. We don't have as many people on so but just keep in mind that

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we need to make our questions short, brief and powerful. We spend a majority of the time

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going over these questions and for you. So we want to make sure that we allot the time

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for everybody to get the opportunity to ask a question. So if you have more than one question,

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that's fine. We just need that second question to happen after everyone's had their opportunity

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to ask at least one question that wants to. And then if you make the eight o'clock call

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tonight and you asked a question, let the ladies in the eight o'clock group that did not come to

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one o'clock ask their questions before you ask Ebony a question. Does that does that make sense?

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Everybody cool with that nod? Perfect. Okay, so, Stephanie, I'm gonna have you re kind of

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ask your question for the ladies that are going to watch this and replay. And then we can we can

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kind of touch on that. But yeah, if any of you ladies have questions, go ahead and put after

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hands up. And then there is a couple things that I am going to touch on after we answered.

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Okay. Can I go? Yes, absolutely. So I had just said that I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'm

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going on mission to Europe. I have to I have a lot of stuff for my business to get done it within

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like a month. And I was asking Carla, is it okay for me to like put dating on the back burner or

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to just like kind of take a break? And, um, and she said, Yes, of course it is.

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But what was a deeper thing that I wanted to know

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is this isn't the only thing that I feel that about.

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I have sort of issues making decisions in general.

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And part of it is probably my Enneagram 7 personality.

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There's so many options, and I just want them all.

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And it's really hard for me to narrow that down

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and to exclude options and limit my freedom in that way.

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So I actually had to ask her permission.

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I had to ask you permission.

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Is it OK for me to do this, even though in my spirit,

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I am feeling overwhelmed and just

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knowing that I need to kind of wind things down and put

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things on pause for a while?

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But that was even the same with this guy

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that I was talking to a couple of weeks ago, Carla,

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that you commented about, David.

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Marissa, he's a really good guy.

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But honestly, I wasn't having fun talking to him.

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I don't know what else to say about that.

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But because he was a good guy, I

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felt like I needed permission from somebody else

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to exit that situation.

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And this bothers me about myself.

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Like, where is that coming from?

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Any idea where that's coming from?

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I mean, typically, that's when I will encourage you ladies

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to kind of sit and process, journal,

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ask the Lord to reveal times in your past

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where maybe you felt like that.

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So for example, in your childhood,

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did you ever, this feeling that is kind of surfacing,

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did you ever recall a time when you were a child

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that you felt very similar?

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That you had to get permission from people

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in order to do what you wanted?

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Did you, like, was there a teacher

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that you felt like crushed your spirit in any way?

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Or a parent that might have crushed your spirit?

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Those are the kinds of questions that we start,

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as you start seeing these concerns or, you know,

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what am I trying to say?

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Like, these anxious thoughts or feelings

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or these concerning feelings of maybe fear or questioning,

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like, what is this?

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Asking yourself, OK, when might I have felt this in my past?

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Yeah.

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And so, you know, where do you feel

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most that you need permission?

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So is this just, so I'm going to ask you,

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do you feel like, is it just in this season of dating

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that you feel like in this program

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that you need permission from coaches

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about any of your dating experiences

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or putting things on pause?

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Or do you find that this also applies

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in other areas of your life?

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I mean, I can see it most clearly in this area

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because I haven't been successful in this area.

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So I don't know, I don't, I guess

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I don't really trust myself in some ways, you know?

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So yeah, so if you're seeing this kind of come up

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with dating, which I'm sure a lot of you ladies

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There's also in other areas too.

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I mean, I've always been really indecisive and I hate that.

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I hate it.

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I can relate to you, like I'm the same way.

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I just hate it.

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I can't, I can't.

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That's why I'm like, man, I need a man who's like decisive

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because like that takes that burden of decision.

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It's a burden like that decision making burden off of me

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like I don't want that.

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I realized that with my last relationship

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where he would just not ever make decisions

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and then it was always on me.

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And I find it incredibly stressful to be

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in that position, you know?

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And so I, but I, so I've seen it in other areas

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but usually I can come to a conclusion

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and feel like eventually and feel like, okay

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I'm just going to do this.

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But in this area, again, like I just, I don't, you know

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I haven't been successful.

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So that makes me feel extra uncertain and anxious about.

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Yeah. So, I mean, you, you made a comment of saying

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like, you know, I don't trust myself in this area.

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And so that's where, well, you'll want to spend

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some more time with the Lord, like that.

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We got to get to what is it that you're believing

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and that you're aligning with

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as to why you can't trust yourself

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because the past is the past ladies.

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Okay. And I, Stephanie, I can 100% relate

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to you with the undecisiveness.

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Even, even with going out to eat, sometimes like

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I struggle with that y'all, like, you know

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my husband will be like, what do you want?

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I'm like, I don't know.

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Like pick something and then he'll pick something.

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And I'm like, that doesn't sound good.

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It's frustrating.

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So I get that.

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Like I'm, I'm very similar in that way

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that sometimes I just want someone to tell me what

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I need, what I want.

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Like it would make life a lot simpler, right?

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But here's the thing.

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Like we have to practice being able to trust ourselves

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and knowing and trusting.

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Because now my next question is what's your belief

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about God and trusting God?

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Is there a way to trust God?

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Is there anything that if you look back, especially in dating, are you holding on to anything

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Is there a way to trust God?

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Is there a way to trust God?

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Is there a way to trust God?

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Is there a way to trust God?

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and might be still blaming God for or blaming yourself for?

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Or blaming God for not stopping me or not, I don't know.

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And so that's where I will encourage you ladies to go back to that forgiveness, prayer and

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heartwork.

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It's been time journaling.

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So ladies, I know, you know, especially for those of you that might have just come out

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of phase one and you've done the heartwork, I will express to you ladies, heartwork is

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never over.

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You're going to continue to do heartwork, even in your marriages, okay?

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And dating will start uncovering and surfacing new areas of heartwork.

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I mean, the good news, it doesn't have to feel like that heart surgery that you went

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through in phase one, where sometimes it's, it's pretty heavy at first because now you've

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got those tools and skills.

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So, but as things surface, don't forget to go back to those tools because, and it will

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become more of a, it kind of becomes second nature once you put it into practice more

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frequently.

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Okay.

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So I've been in the heartwork for over five years now.

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I find doing my heartwork comes more naturally now and I don't stay stuck as long as I used

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to.

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It's like when something comes up and I'm feeling irritated or I'm feeling frustrated

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or whatever, I'm like, oh, now I need to go back to my heartwork tools.

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Okay.

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So that's Stephanie.

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I know you, you've got kids coming back into your class here shortly.

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But that's what I want to encourage you with is, you know, just some of those questions

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that I asked you, you know, process through those and then let's start, you know, and

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it may be a good thing for you to put dating on pause right now, get some of the other

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stuff in order.

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And then before you jump back into dating, let's spend some time going through some of

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those questions and processing that with the Lord while you're, while you're on your trip,

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if you have time to be able to do that.

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Yeah.

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I think my, my last relationship, I really thought that was like, I felt like that was

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from God.

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And so I still don't really know how to process that completely through because it feels like,

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it feels like a betrayal to me from God, even though I know he didn't, but it was just,

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it was a loss.

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And after that, that ended, and so, yeah, and I felt like I heard him speak specifically

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about it and stuff.

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And so.

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Well, what I can say, you know, and just my own experience, cause I, you know, I, I went

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through this process as well.

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I mean, for those ladies that have known me and have been in here for a little while,

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you all know that I came to the table with a little boy.

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I was, I was, you know, I had a son out of wedlock.

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I was never married to his father.

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And that was very difficult because I too felt that that was the man that God brought

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me.

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And I, I had to get to a place where I had to kind of own some of my own decisions in

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that and understand that, you know, God wasn't, wasn't trying to hurt me.

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He was there with me.

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He's, he, he turned a lot of some of those sour things for my good.

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And so I had to get to a place where I could, you know, forgive God, forgive myself, forgive

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my son's father.

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And I had to work through that and I did that in heart work as well.

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And so, and, and then, I mean, it's easier, it's easier for me to say it because I'm on

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the other side, but ladies, when you do meet that spirit mate and you get married, it will

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all make sense.

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puzzle pieces come together and you do realize that, you know, we're not, you know, we're

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not free from trial and tribble tribulations, you know, just because we're believers.

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If on, you know, if I'm honestly speaking, a lot of times it's us believers that kind

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of feel like we go through a little tougher situation because of, you know, what we, what

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we, you know, believe and things like that.

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So, but what I will say, how did you, how did you let go of that?

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How did you let go of like feeling like this person was from God?

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Because I felt yesterday, like Jesus was telling me, like, you keep insisting on carrying this,

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like I had to come to a realization that I was, I, I had to come to a realization is

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I was, I had to take ownership of some of my actions.

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And what, when I felt like he was from God, I wanted what I wanted and I wasn't willing

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to look at red flags. And I put myself in situations that I

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contributed to. And it wasn't God's fault. It was me taking

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things into my own hands because I wanted to fill a void. Yeah, I

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wanted to put a man in G in the hole for Jesus. Right. And so I

242
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had to own that. And I had to forgive myself for that. And I

243
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had to understand like why I did that. What was I really seeking

244
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in it when I didn't and it didn't it didn't mean to come

245
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from I didn't need to feel shame or guilt. Yeah, but God then

246
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when I kind of came to that realization, and I spent a lot

247
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of time with the Lord. He's like, he showed sort of he

248
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started to show me his love for me. And I was like, I didn't

249
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need to be angry with myself. I didn't need to be angry with

250
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God. I didn't need to be angry with my son's dad. I didn't know

251
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what I didn't know.

252
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That's that's the thing. Right? I didn't know all the stuff that

253
00:16:01.760 --> 00:16:05.960
I learned since then, you know, in her work, being so fast and

254
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all the things you know.

255
00:16:08.360 --> 00:16:12.640
And I mean, and you know, ladies, a lot of times we just

256
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want to feel loved, right? We want to be loved. And I had to

257
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realize, I had to receive God's love for me. Because a lot of

258
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times I didn't believe that he loved me, because I didn't love

259
00:16:30.120 --> 00:16:35.080
myself. And so that's what the heartwork really helped me get

260
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through and process. Because I was never going to receive the

261
00:16:40.400 --> 00:16:45.720
gift of a husband, if I wasn't willing to really understand

262
00:16:45.720 --> 00:16:50.040
what love was, that was my journey. And so that was really

263
00:16:50.040 --> 00:16:55.880
important for me to kind of grasp and work through. Okay, I

264
00:16:55.880 --> 00:16:58.120
hope that gives you encouragement, Stephanie.

265
00:16:58.280 --> 00:17:03.280
Yeah, it does. It does. I think I've kind of been feeling like

266
00:17:03.280 --> 00:17:06.760
I'd like to read through the book again. And answer the

267
00:17:06.760 --> 00:17:07.040
question.

268
00:17:09.040 --> 00:17:12.400
Well, just because when I did it the first time I was, this thing

269
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:15.560
with this man was still not ended. Yeah, it was just this

270
00:17:15.560 --> 00:17:19.680
really weird purgatory season that like, there wasn't a yes or

271
00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:23.040
no. So I process things a lot differently than I would now

272
00:17:23.040 --> 00:17:25.040
that it's like totally over, you know,

273
00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:27.920
did you break soul ties with that with them?

274
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:32.360
I tried like three times. I don't know, like, maybe I wasn't

275
00:17:32.360 --> 00:17:35.800
like super sincere about it or something. I don't know. At

276
00:17:35.800 --> 00:17:39.760
first, it didn't really seem to work. But

277
00:17:39.760 --> 00:17:44.240
when you when you ask the Lord to take that, are you asking him

278
00:17:44.240 --> 00:17:45.600
to give you something in return?

279
00:17:46.800 --> 00:17:47.400
No.

280
00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:52.440
Try that. Okay, that's worked for me. Okay. Like, okay, God,

281
00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:54.800
I'm giving this to you. I'm giving you this person. I'm

282
00:17:54.800 --> 00:17:57.680
breaking this. Lord, what are you going to give me in return?

283
00:17:57.680 --> 00:18:00.760
Because when we hand over a pen, okay, I got a pencil, am I

284
00:18:00.760 --> 00:18:03.680
handing it over and take it it's gonna if I have nothing in my

285
00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:06.680
hand, it's gonna be easy for me to grab it back. Yeah. But if I'm

286
00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:11.160
like, Okay, God, I'm going to exchange this. Now, give me

287
00:18:11.160 --> 00:18:13.640
something else in return. Okay.

288
00:18:15.040 --> 00:18:17.520
That that always seems to help me.

289
00:18:19.440 --> 00:18:21.600
So even try that as well.

290
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:25.240
What has he told you about that? Like, what would what would he

291
00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:25.760
give you?

292
00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:31.840
Um, there was one time like what came in my spirit was this. I

293
00:18:31.840 --> 00:18:37.120
had for a really long time. Um, one of the kids that I nannied

294
00:18:37.120 --> 00:18:42.120
for, she found a rock that was in shape of a heart. And I

295
00:18:42.120 --> 00:18:45.920
always had it like on a shelf. And so when I was doing some of

296
00:18:45.920 --> 00:18:50.400
that stuff, God's like, that's what I've given you. I was like,

297
00:18:50.840 --> 00:18:56.640
Oh, okay. And so I took that and then, you know, he would just

298
00:18:56.640 --> 00:19:01.600
give me little I call them God winks, little things that he

299
00:19:01.600 --> 00:19:07.200
did, that I would recognize that he was watching me or he

300
00:19:07.200 --> 00:19:11.400
loved me or he showed me something. And just, you know,

301
00:19:11.400 --> 00:19:14.320
when those things happen, ladies, don't take those things

302
00:19:14.320 --> 00:19:18.720
for granted. Sit with it for a minute. I know that life can be

303
00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:23.600
busy and we can kind of just rush through life and but if

304
00:19:23.600 --> 00:19:27.560
those things happen, you can pause for a minute and just

305
00:19:27.560 --> 00:19:31.520
spend like a few minutes. Just be like, Ah, thank you for

306
00:19:31.520 --> 00:19:35.520
seeing me. Thank you for giving that to me. You know, there's, I

307
00:19:35.520 --> 00:19:38.080
would just be on the lookout for that.

308
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:42.360
Yeah, there were flowers, there were little flowers on my on my

309
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.800
deck yesterday. And there's not even flowers in bloom yet. So

310
00:19:46.000 --> 00:19:48.160
that was I felt like from the Lord. Yeah, it was cool.

311
00:19:48.600 --> 00:19:51.880
There's so anytime you think you want to pick that, you know,

312
00:19:52.040 --> 00:19:55.160
thing back up with the past and stuff be like, Nope, I'm not

313
00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:57.480
picking it up, God, because you gave me these flowers.

314
00:19:58.040 --> 00:19:59.960
Because that has been a pattern. Actually.

315
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:02.800
I've done with men that I've really fallen for.

316
00:20:02.800 --> 00:20:07.520
So, and it does, it keeps me stuck for years, you know?

317
00:20:07.520 --> 00:20:10.040
So I don't want that to happen this time.

318
00:20:10.040 --> 00:20:12.360
And this is, and you just even bringing all this to surface,

319
00:20:12.360 --> 00:20:14.400
this is going to help you continue to grow

320
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:15.840
and get breakthrough.

321
00:20:15.840 --> 00:20:18.120
It will be gentle with yourself.

322
00:20:18.120 --> 00:20:19.160
Give yourself grace.

323
00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:20.440
Okay.

324
00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:21.280
Thanks Harlan.

325
00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:22.960
You're welcome.

326
00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:24.000
I got to go on mute now.

327
00:20:24.000 --> 00:20:25.440
Yes.

328
00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:26.280
All right.

329
00:20:26.280 --> 00:20:28.200
So ladies, I'm going to just go through

330
00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:29.200
a couple more things.

331
00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:30.760
I kind of went things out of order

332
00:20:30.760 --> 00:20:33.720
just to respect her time as well.

333
00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:36.960
So before we jumped on,

334
00:20:36.960 --> 00:20:39.280
I had some ladies kind of share about

335
00:20:39.280 --> 00:20:41.960
what they were doing for their activation

336
00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:43.080
over the last couple of weeks.

337
00:20:43.080 --> 00:20:45.080
We talked a little bit about that

338
00:20:45.080 --> 00:20:48.320
and I'm going to go look in the chat here in a moment.

339
00:20:48.320 --> 00:20:52.400
For next week, what I really want you ladies focusing on,

340
00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:54.400
because I'm kind of starting to see this trend

341
00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:57.400
and it happens oftentimes in phase two.

342
00:20:57.400 --> 00:20:59.800
How many of you, when you guys,

343
00:20:59.800 --> 00:21:01.360
when you ladies are starting to date,

344
00:21:01.360 --> 00:21:03.920
you get men that will ask you the question like,

345
00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:05.840
oh, what do you do for fun?

346
00:21:05.840 --> 00:21:07.400
Like, what do you like to do in your free time?

347
00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:08.360
What do you do after work?

348
00:21:08.360 --> 00:21:09.520
What do you do on the weekends?

349
00:21:09.520 --> 00:21:11.360
What are you passionate about?

350
00:21:11.360 --> 00:21:12.400
Raise your hand.

351
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:13.920
I know some of you have avatar hands,

352
00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:15.520
but if you're on camera, just raise your hand.

353
00:21:15.520 --> 00:21:17.360
Like that, that happens to you,

354
00:21:17.360 --> 00:21:19.320
or just, you know, say, yep, yep, yep.

355
00:21:19.320 --> 00:21:22.120
In the chat that that happens.

356
00:21:23.120 --> 00:21:26.120
And what I sometimes notice,

357
00:21:26.120 --> 00:21:27.560
and this happened for me,

358
00:21:27.560 --> 00:21:32.440
and I saw one of your sisters in the app this week

359
00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:36.280
was sharing like, how do I respond to this?

360
00:21:36.280 --> 00:21:40.160
And so what worked for me when I was in the program

361
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.240
and I was single is I really,

362
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:43.960
and Jackie would activate us.

363
00:21:43.960 --> 00:21:46.320
She used to call it child play Saturday.

364
00:21:47.640 --> 00:21:50.000
We would get out and have fun on Saturday,

365
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:51.840
like act like a kid.

366
00:21:51.840 --> 00:21:55.120
And so I don't want you just to do it on Saturday.

367
00:21:55.120 --> 00:21:58.160
I want you to spend the next week

368
00:21:58.160 --> 00:22:02.200
to sit and ask yourself, like discover more about yourself,

369
00:22:02.200 --> 00:22:05.080
because remember, this is discovery dating.

370
00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:06.560
You're not just discovering things

371
00:22:06.560 --> 00:22:09.160
about the guys that you're on dates with,

372
00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:12.120
but you're discovering more about yourself, okay?

373
00:22:12.120 --> 00:22:16.560
So what kinds of things does Ashley really enjoy doing?

374
00:22:16.560 --> 00:22:19.240
What does Ruth really love to do?

375
00:22:19.240 --> 00:22:22.520
Kim, what is something you have so much fun doing?

376
00:22:22.520 --> 00:22:24.560
Like, I want you ladies to start thinking

377
00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:26.960
about what do I enjoy?

378
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:29.280
This was hard for me because I was a single mom

379
00:22:29.280 --> 00:22:31.720
and I felt like my life revolved around my kid.

380
00:22:32.800 --> 00:22:35.600
And a lot of times I like spending time with my kid.

381
00:22:35.600 --> 00:22:37.080
You know?

382
00:22:37.080 --> 00:22:41.040
So that was, you know, something that, you know,

383
00:22:41.040 --> 00:22:42.600
so that way you can start saying like,

384
00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:44.320
go out and go do something

385
00:22:44.320 --> 00:22:47.680
that you really can enjoy yourself with.

386
00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:51.800
Maybe it's going to the beach if you live near a beach.

387
00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:54.560
Maybe it's just going and window shopping.

388
00:22:54.560 --> 00:22:57.120
Maybe it's going to a park and going, you know,

389
00:22:57.120 --> 00:22:59.880
with a book and reading outside with a novel.

390
00:22:59.880 --> 00:23:02.640
Maybe it's going to a coffee shop and people watching.

391
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:04.160
Maybe it's going rollerblading.

392
00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:08.120
Maybe it's, you know, taking a new, like a cooking class.

393
00:23:08.120 --> 00:23:13.120
Like, what are some things that you love and enjoy?

394
00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:19.080
And I want you to post about those things, okay?

395
00:23:19.080 --> 00:23:20.440
Ladies, I'm gonna remind you to go ahead

396
00:23:20.440 --> 00:23:22.040
and make sure that you're muted.

397
00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:25.680
I think there's a way for me to mute people,

398
00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:28.840
but I haven't found out how to do that.

399
00:23:28.840 --> 00:23:31.200
So if you notice that you're unmuted

400
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:33.960
or please make sure that you mute yourself.

401
00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:37.240
I'm gonna have to figure out how to do this myself.

402
00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:39.160
Okay, I apologize, ladies.

403
00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:41.520
Okay, so everybody knows the assignments?

404
00:23:42.840 --> 00:23:44.720
All right, and then I want you posting about it

405
00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:46.400
in our group, okay?

406
00:23:46.400 --> 00:23:48.160
Let's come to the app and let's post it.

407
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:50.400
You can put it under the All tab.

408
00:23:51.360 --> 00:23:56.360
Okay, post pictures of, you know, what you enjoy doing.

409
00:23:56.880 --> 00:24:00.320
You know, what you're passionate about, okay?

410
00:24:00.320 --> 00:24:02.040
So that when those questions come up,

411
00:24:02.040 --> 00:24:04.720
like, not only is it easier to ask,

412
00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:07.920
but it'll, you'll be surprised.

413
00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:09.000
It'll spark something in you.

414
00:24:09.000 --> 00:24:11.600
It'll make you come alive and really like,

415
00:24:11.600 --> 00:24:14.160
put your, again, we want you ladies coming out of hiding.

416
00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:17.520
And when you're out and doing something that you enjoy,

417
00:24:17.520 --> 00:24:19.360
it's just gonna show.

418
00:24:19.360 --> 00:24:24.360
It's gonna be attracted to you because you're having fun.

419
00:24:24.560 --> 00:24:26.720
You're filling your cup, okay?

420
00:24:27.880 --> 00:24:29.600
I'm telling you, it works.

421
00:24:29.600 --> 00:24:32.160
All right, okay.

422
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:35.920
So a few things that I just wanted to touch on

423
00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:37.680
that I saw in the roll call

424
00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:40.680
is I just wanna just take a few minutes here

425
00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:43.640
to talk about communication, okay?

426
00:24:43.640 --> 00:24:47.000
This is something that is just over the last month or so,

427
00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:50.600
I've kind of really been feeling this in my spirit

428
00:24:50.600 --> 00:24:54.640
that it's so easy for us ladies,

429
00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:56.640
and I am just notorious for this,

430
00:24:56.640 --> 00:25:00.440
to overthink when people make a call.

431
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.000
comment or ask a question

432
00:25:02.600 --> 00:25:09.840
That I really don't have a full understanding, but I'll start overthinking it and like I might even start making assumptions

433
00:25:11.120 --> 00:25:17.820
About something they asked and why they asked or something they said and why they said it

434
00:25:18.360 --> 00:25:25.640
Without really knowing and so I want to encourage you ladies just to keep those practice those communication skills

435
00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:26.640
and

436
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:31.400
when people or you know, and the guys that you're dating and even just in any

437
00:25:32.080 --> 00:25:38.360
Relationships that you have because remember phase two is yes, it's the dating phase, but it's not just about dating

438
00:25:38.360 --> 00:25:44.880
It's about taking those heart work tools that we learned in phase one and applying it in all relationships

439
00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:50.040
It's you know, so it will benefit you in all all areas of life

440
00:25:50.840 --> 00:25:52.840
So

441
00:25:52.840 --> 00:25:55.120
You know when those types of things come up

442
00:25:55.120 --> 00:26:02.440
I want you guys to be taking notice of that and maybe even asking questions to better

443
00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:04.240
understand

444
00:26:04.240 --> 00:26:07.400
Why they ask that question or why they said what they said

445
00:26:07.880 --> 00:26:10.760
Okay, I see it frequently come up in

446
00:26:11.320 --> 00:26:17.320
When you ladies share about the dates that you're on and like oh he said this and you know

447
00:26:17.320 --> 00:26:19.320
I don't like that. He said this because of this

448
00:26:19.320 --> 00:26:23.480
And a lot of times I'll reply to you ladies. Well, did you ask him?

449
00:26:23.480 --> 00:26:28.840
Why so for example one of your sisters in the community others is I'm pulling two examples

450
00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:33.400
From this week, but these aren't the only two things that I've noticed

451
00:26:34.920 --> 00:26:37.520
Someone had brought up

452
00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:45.080
This comment that a guy said. Oh, I can't wait like basically saying he couldn't wait for the second date and

453
00:26:45.680 --> 00:26:47.920
He was it was her turn to treat

454
00:26:48.680 --> 00:26:50.680
Basically like it was her turn to pay and

455
00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:58.160
So she's like, I don't know how I feel about that. And and you know, we we give gave her some coaching things

456
00:26:58.160 --> 00:27:00.160
But I even said, you know

457
00:27:00.200 --> 00:27:07.600
Maybe ask him about it. Like hey, what's your what's your thought on on men and women and dating and you know

458
00:27:07.600 --> 00:27:12.440
Who pays and stuff get some better understanding of why they believe what they believe?

459
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:19.280
Okay, it doesn't mean that you're wrong and they're and they're right or they're or they're right and you're wrong

460
00:27:20.080 --> 00:27:23.440
It's just getting new perspective. You know, I

461
00:27:24.560 --> 00:27:26.560
Personally when I was in this program

462
00:27:28.560 --> 00:27:32.160
Desired for the men to pay and Jackie encourages that y'all

463
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:37.080
The men to pay for those dates now, they don't have to be elaborate expensive dates

464
00:27:37.280 --> 00:27:40.400
It's also why we encourage you ladies to kind of you know

465
00:27:40.800 --> 00:27:41.960
Give

466
00:27:41.960 --> 00:27:47.560
Ideas to the men of things to do and make suggestions that are not expensive

467
00:27:47.560 --> 00:27:52.800
go do things that don't have to cost like that don't cost a lot of money because you never know what the

468
00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:54.920
guys financial situation is

469
00:27:55.280 --> 00:27:56.880
but

470
00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:58.400
You know

471
00:27:58.400 --> 00:28:00.400
Ask more questions

472
00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:05.880
I'm getting back to just asking more questions of why they feel the way they feel you might learn something new and then

473
00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:08.240
You might be able to share your perspective

474
00:28:09.120 --> 00:28:15.040
Okay, and then you can come back in our group and you can tell us why they think that and then we can kind of

475
00:28:15.040 --> 00:28:16.600
Unpack that together

476
00:28:16.600 --> 00:28:23.800
There was another situation that a gentleman was asking one of your sisters in the community. He had asked her a couple of times about

477
00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:31.800
If she had children and when she you know, she'd already answered that I think previous and so when she answered again

478
00:28:31.800 --> 00:28:33.640
he was very silent and

479
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:35.640
So she was sharing like well

480
00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:40.680
I really like being around children and he was really silent and it kind of threw her off

481
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:43.560
She didn't really like that. I would

482
00:28:44.200 --> 00:28:46.040
Kindly just say, you know

483
00:28:46.040 --> 00:28:51.800
Yeah, I I don't have children. I'm curious like is that is that a non-negotiable for you?

484
00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:54.200
Ask the question

485
00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:58.360
What's the reason he's he's asking that question? Why does he want to know?

486
00:28:59.080 --> 00:29:04.680
Whether or not you have children is it because he I mean, here's the thing it could be because he was dating someone

487
00:29:05.360 --> 00:29:09.040
That never shared that they had children before and it took him by surprise

488
00:29:10.720 --> 00:29:17.320
You just never know why they most of the time people ask questions because something happened to them in the past they didn't like

489
00:29:17.960 --> 00:29:21.880
Or they liked and that's why they're asking you the question. Does that make sense?

490
00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:28.680
So again, I'm just I'm saying all this stuff is just don't be afraid to have commute like communicate with men

491
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:32.480
and in any relationship whether it's a co-worker a

492
00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:35.440
friend a

493
00:29:35.480 --> 00:29:37.480
family member

494
00:29:37.480 --> 00:29:42.840
Let's just be mindful that and the last thing I'm gonna touch on and then we're gonna open back up for questions as I go

495
00:29:42.840 --> 00:29:47.640
Through the chats as well is those video calls in the early stages?

496
00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:49.720
In the early stages

497
00:29:49.940 --> 00:29:52.740
Okay, we really encourage you ladies

498
00:29:53.960 --> 00:29:59.880
To get on a video call or in-person date within the week of having some

499
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.840
Exchanges back and forth through an app or you know, maybe you've met them through a friend and you've been texting

500
00:30:06.960 --> 00:30:09.520
Get those live dates or get a video chat

501
00:30:10.080 --> 00:30:11.280
Okay

502
00:30:11.280 --> 00:30:18.160
Especially when it's long distance, so I don't know if any of you ladies got a chance to go to the special session

503
00:30:18.960 --> 00:30:20.960
last tuesday night with jackie

504
00:30:22.160 --> 00:30:25.360
If you didn't it's in replay, please watch it

505
00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:28.340
But I do recall her expressing

506
00:30:29.280 --> 00:30:31.280
that if you are

507
00:30:31.360 --> 00:30:34.960
On let's say you're on the apps and you're open to long distance dating

508
00:30:36.560 --> 00:30:38.880
She shared that she encourages you all

509
00:30:39.840 --> 00:30:43.440
To get an in-person meetup with someone long distance within three weeks

510
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:48.240
Now she changed this a little bit because when I was in the program, she said six weeks

511
00:30:49.760 --> 00:30:51.760
So I would say between three and six weeks

512
00:30:52.320 --> 00:30:56.160
But when she said that I was like, you know what my husband and I were long distance

513
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:59.600
And I met him he flew to come see me

514
00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:02.480
three weeks after we had been

515
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:04.960
chatting

516
00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:12.000
So the reason we do that is because especially with long distance is

517
00:31:13.360 --> 00:31:15.360
If you're having these

518
00:31:15.580 --> 00:31:19.600
Exchanges through text you're not seeing facial expression. You're not hearing tone

519
00:31:20.080 --> 00:31:23.520
You're not even seeing if the person is actually who they say they are

520
00:31:25.120 --> 00:31:30.960
So and i'm not saying that to scare you ladies like to like oh my gosh, like what if people are not who they are

521
00:31:31.520 --> 00:31:36.560
Um, it does happen. Okay, we have to be real about that. It does happen. There are scammers out there

522
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:38.960
There's you know catfishing and all that kind of stuff

523
00:31:39.760 --> 00:31:40.640
but

524
00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:47.360
We also say because you don't want to build this emotional bond with someone that you really haven't had a face-to-face interaction with

525
00:31:48.560 --> 00:31:50.800
And we really don't want you having these emotional bonds

526
00:31:51.520 --> 00:31:55.360
Early in the early stages of level two. Anyway, that's why we tell you not to deep dive

527
00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:57.760
Okay

528
00:31:57.760 --> 00:31:59.760
now if someone refuses

529
00:32:01.040 --> 00:32:03.040
To have a video chat with you

530
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:08.720
You might mention it and they kind of then you kind of get sidetracked and they never follow up with it

531
00:32:09.120 --> 00:32:11.120
You know drop it again

532
00:32:11.280 --> 00:32:12.160
um

533
00:32:12.160 --> 00:32:14.320
But if they continue to keep refusing

534
00:32:15.360 --> 00:32:17.360
Ladies, it's okay to say hey

535
00:32:18.080 --> 00:32:22.400
If i'm going to continue to move forward getting to know you i'm going to need a video call

536
00:32:23.360 --> 00:32:25.040
within the week

537
00:32:25.040 --> 00:32:30.560
If you're not comfortable with that, I understand it does it is a little awkward but in this day and age

538
00:32:31.520 --> 00:32:35.200
It's really important that I see who i'm speaking to

539
00:32:35.520 --> 00:32:40.560
You can be real with them because the reality is there are catfishers out there

540
00:32:41.760 --> 00:32:43.760
and any guy

541
00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:47.440
That's going to want to honor and respect you as a woman

542
00:32:49.520 --> 00:32:52.240
Will oblige if he wants to continue to get to know you

543
00:32:53.760 --> 00:32:58.240
I would just encourage like don't come off harsh. Okay, we don't have to be sharp about it

544
00:32:58.560 --> 00:33:01.200
We want to be feminine in our response soft

545
00:33:01.840 --> 00:33:05.280
But we can have a boundary there and say look it's really important for me

546
00:33:06.320 --> 00:33:09.780
To know who i'm speaking to and see facial interaction

547
00:33:10.720 --> 00:33:12.720
And know who i'm speaking to

548
00:33:14.080 --> 00:33:16.080
So

549
00:33:16.080 --> 00:33:20.880
It's in order for me to move forward i'm going to need to see who you are

550
00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:24.480
Especially if it's long distance

551
00:33:26.960 --> 00:33:29.200
Again this is that communication piece

552
00:33:29.280 --> 00:33:31.280
It's okay to be honest

553
00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:36.640
We just want you having honest soft feminine approaches, okay?

554
00:33:38.560 --> 00:33:40.560
And I speak that to myself because I

555
00:33:41.280 --> 00:33:42.880
can be

556
00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:46.560
Very direct and sometimes my approach isn't very soft

557
00:33:47.280 --> 00:33:49.280
Especially with my kids y'all

558
00:33:49.840 --> 00:33:54.240
But um or anybody that i'm dealing with like at my kids school or things like that

559
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:56.640
I have to work on my approaches as well. So

560
00:33:56.720 --> 00:33:58.720
That's why I say that okay

561
00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:06.160
All right, so i'm gonna go through the chat i've got um, stacy lisa caitlin and michelle

562
00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:09.380
I'm gonna write these down so that I don't forget

563
00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:14.639
Um

564
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:16.159
Caitlyn

565
00:34:16.159 --> 00:34:18.159
and michelle

566
00:34:18.239 --> 00:34:22.320
And ladies if any of you other ladies have questions, um,

567
00:34:22.400 --> 00:34:30.800
If any of you other ladies have questions, um, go ahead and put your avatar hand up to let I see you now, thank you

568
00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:33.520
All right

569
00:34:33.520 --> 00:34:37.280
How many ladies do we have on the call right now? There's three six nine

570
00:34:38.159 --> 00:34:39.260
twelve

571
00:34:39.260 --> 00:34:41.360
Thirteen fourteen. Okay

572
00:34:42.560 --> 00:34:44.159
I just like to know

573
00:34:44.159 --> 00:34:47.280
Okay, and then louisa. She has a question as well

574
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:49.600
Okay

575
00:34:49.600 --> 00:34:50.719
um

576
00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:54.900
Do you are do you ladies mind if I go through the chat because I know we had a couple

577
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:10.480
Give me just a minute, ladies, I apologize, because I do want to see what y'all are putting

578
00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:11.480
in the chat.

579
00:35:11.480 --> 00:35:15.120
And I just have been very neglectful of that for a moment.

580
00:35:15.120 --> 00:35:19.820
So Leslie, you were asking about how do we discern that?

581
00:35:19.820 --> 00:35:23.200
Can you elaborate more on what you were speaking about?

582
00:35:23.200 --> 00:35:26.960
Oh, I'm trying to, I see your response.

583
00:35:26.960 --> 00:35:27.960
I'm trying to discern.

584
00:35:27.960 --> 00:35:32.040
Very briefly, because I have to disconnect the number, I have an appointment.

585
00:35:32.040 --> 00:35:39.040
Yeah, I'm just trying to discern whether it's a heart block, or it's just like our previous

586
00:35:39.040 --> 00:35:40.320
sister was mentioning.

587
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:44.760
So yeah, this is about putting a pause on dating.

588
00:35:44.760 --> 00:35:47.920
So what's what's causing you to want to put things on pause for dating?

589
00:35:47.920 --> 00:35:48.920
Let's start there.

590
00:35:48.920 --> 00:35:57.000
Yeah, so I like, I'm in the midst of recovery after having major surgery two months ago.

591
00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.000
That's one.

592
00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:01.200
Two, I'm about to return to work.

593
00:36:01.200 --> 00:36:07.200
I'm also in school, I'm working full time.

594
00:36:07.200 --> 00:36:13.400
So and I am currently in a PhD program, and I have to conduct a study or whatnot.

595
00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:18.720
And I met with my advisor, and she's like, you have 10 months to get this done.

596
00:36:18.720 --> 00:36:22.720
And I'm not like at the very beginning.

597
00:36:22.720 --> 00:36:29.120
And I worked full time of my previous job a whole year, about a year and change.

598
00:36:29.120 --> 00:36:32.800
And it was very exhausting.

599
00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:39.920
I was actually dating someone 2024 and that was completely like unexpected.

600
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:47.480
But I felt I felt like this rest and just rejuvenation when I was spend time with him.

601
00:36:47.480 --> 00:36:54.000
It didn't work out because he ended up saying he had a lot on his plate, like he was also

602
00:36:54.000 --> 00:36:57.040
working a full time job.

603
00:36:57.040 --> 00:37:03.400
He's developing a TV show, my first time I was like, I think he's lying to me.

604
00:37:03.400 --> 00:37:06.800
But with time, I was like, Oh, wait, no, he's like, it's true.

605
00:37:06.800 --> 00:37:09.520
Like it's it's a real deal.

606
00:37:09.520 --> 00:37:22.240
So he said, um, he was interested, yeah, emotional capacity to have a relationship.

607
00:37:22.240 --> 00:37:25.720
I was disappointed.

608
00:37:25.720 --> 00:37:27.120
I didn't take it as rejection.

609
00:37:27.120 --> 00:37:32.080
It was just like, okay, I get it because I'm in the same boat.

610
00:37:32.080 --> 00:37:39.080
I was starting to deal with health issues towards the end of when we were talking, which

611
00:37:39.080 --> 00:37:43.280
was too long in hindsight.

612
00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:47.840
And I hadn't shared because I just it was just that I was like, I don't know how the

613
00:37:47.840 --> 00:37:48.840
process is.

614
00:37:48.840 --> 00:37:49.840
But he was noticing it.

615
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:51.720
So I just don't feel well.

616
00:37:51.720 --> 00:37:56.440
And he would ask questions like and it was also like trauma stuff I had to like overcome.

617
00:37:56.440 --> 00:38:00.840
And yeah, in hindsight, I was like, yeah, that's that was hard work I had to do.

618
00:38:00.840 --> 00:38:07.480
But now, um, yeah, now I'm just wondering, like, I'm getting better.

619
00:38:07.480 --> 00:38:10.040
It does sound like you do have a lot on your plate.

620
00:38:10.040 --> 00:38:15.480
So I, here's the thing, ladies, you're in this phase two, and it's we do call it the

621
00:38:15.480 --> 00:38:22.440
dating, the dating phase, obviously, but you don't have to be like full force dating, okay?

622
00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:30.280
Um, what I will encourage you ladies to do is, so Leslie, in your situation, you know,

623
00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:35.040
you have you have the schooling that you have to take care of your working full time.

624
00:38:35.040 --> 00:38:39.600
You just had surgery, you're recovering like that in itself, give yourself some grace,

625
00:38:39.600 --> 00:38:40.600
right?

626
00:38:40.600 --> 00:38:43.080
We definitely want you to give yourself grace here.

627
00:38:43.080 --> 00:38:49.040
And so you may not, you may not be like, okay, I have all this time and attention to maybe

628
00:38:49.040 --> 00:38:51.280
put myself on a dating app.

629
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:54.680
But in your free time, like, do you have any free time whatsoever?

630
00:38:54.680 --> 00:38:59.680
Like, do you have at least a couple days, or a couple hours in your week, a couple times

631
00:38:59.680 --> 00:39:03.920
a day that you can go do something for enjoyment?

632
00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:06.640
Yeah, so I don't know how things will look.

633
00:39:06.640 --> 00:39:07.640
I'm hopeful.

634
00:39:07.640 --> 00:39:10.240
It'll look more of it with this new job.

635
00:39:10.240 --> 00:39:16.200
On my previous job, I was very adamant of like, all right, Saturdays, half a day is

636
00:39:16.200 --> 00:39:18.000
like sleeping, just decompressing.

637
00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:23.440
Yeah, like, yeah, you want to make sure that you're giving you're feeding yourself, right?

638
00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:26.320
You're yeah, like Sunday, you're taking care of yourself.

639
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:31.800
Yeah, like, so my weekends, I was very rigid, like, I'm either resting, if I have to catch

640
00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:35.560
up with school, right, then it's like, just half a day.

641
00:39:35.560 --> 00:39:39.200
And then the rest of the time, I was like, I gotta spend time, I gotta spend time with

642
00:39:39.200 --> 00:39:44.840
my community, with family, mostly with friends, my family, it's out of state, they all live

643
00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:45.840
out of state.

644
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:50.000
So it's not the healthiest relationships.

645
00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:51.000
It's more draining.

646
00:39:51.000 --> 00:39:54.600
So but I so I have my designated people like, all right.

647
00:39:54.600 --> 00:39:59.200
Yeah, I would spend time just again, you're gonna need to fill your cup.

648
00:39:59.200 --> 00:39:59.760
So

649
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.680
because you've got a lot going on.

650
00:40:01.680 --> 00:40:05.800
So take those times, get yourself out of hiding,

651
00:40:05.800 --> 00:40:07.880
go do things that you enjoy,

652
00:40:07.880 --> 00:40:10.640
spend time with people that you enjoy spending time with,

653
00:40:10.640 --> 00:40:13.460
let them know that you're open to dating.

654
00:40:13.460 --> 00:40:15.560
If you wanna jump on the apps,

655
00:40:15.560 --> 00:40:18.400
you're gonna need to make sure that you allot yourself,

656
00:40:18.400 --> 00:40:22.240
like put it on a schedule, okay?

657
00:40:22.240 --> 00:40:24.680
Give yourself, if you have the capacity,

658
00:40:24.680 --> 00:40:27.160
if you wanna do online dating,

659
00:40:27.160 --> 00:40:30.200
say, okay, I'm only going to get on this app

660
00:40:30.200 --> 00:40:33.960
on Sunday evenings or Wednesday, whatever.

661
00:40:33.960 --> 00:40:36.560
You pick the day, you pick the time

662
00:40:36.560 --> 00:40:38.920
and block it in your schedule,

663
00:40:38.920 --> 00:40:40.960
if you have the capacity for it.

664
00:40:40.960 --> 00:40:44.440
But I think what's going to be best

665
00:40:44.440 --> 00:40:47.800
is that you're making sure that you're filling yourself up,

666
00:40:47.800 --> 00:40:49.680
you're not draining yourself

667
00:40:49.680 --> 00:40:51.360
and you're going out and doing things that you enjoy

668
00:40:51.360 --> 00:40:54.320
with people you enjoy doing it with and getting to know.

669
00:40:54.320 --> 00:40:56.280
And again, when you're out,

670
00:40:56.280 --> 00:40:58.280
make connections with strangers.

671
00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:04.760
And so that's what I would strongly encourage, okay?

672
00:41:04.760 --> 00:41:06.760
I know you said you had to kind of jump off

673
00:41:06.760 --> 00:41:08.680
and I've got six people online,

674
00:41:08.680 --> 00:41:10.520
and we've got 30 minutes,

675
00:41:10.520 --> 00:41:13.120
so I'm gonna have to move on to the next person.

676
00:41:13.120 --> 00:41:14.720
If you still have more that you wanna share

677
00:41:14.720 --> 00:41:16.040
and we have time at the end,

678
00:41:16.040 --> 00:41:17.920
definitely, I wanna hear that.

679
00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:20.360
If not, put your questions in the app

680
00:41:20.360 --> 00:41:23.280
and we'll continue there, okay?

681
00:41:23.280 --> 00:41:24.560
Sounds good, thank you so much.

682
00:41:24.560 --> 00:41:25.400
I appreciate it.

683
00:41:25.400 --> 00:41:26.960
You're welcome, absolutely.

684
00:41:26.960 --> 00:41:28.800
Okay, I'm gonna jump to these questions.

685
00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:31.560
I know I got a few things in the chat,

686
00:41:31.560 --> 00:41:33.680
but I wanna get to you ladies that are patiently waiting.

687
00:41:33.680 --> 00:41:36.240
So Stacey, what do you have for us today?

688
00:41:36.240 --> 00:41:37.080
How are you?

689
00:41:37.080 --> 00:41:38.720
I'm good, how are you?

690
00:41:38.720 --> 00:41:39.920
Good.

691
00:41:39.920 --> 00:41:42.440
Well, you may have recalled

692
00:41:42.440 --> 00:41:45.240
that I was supposed to have gone on a date

693
00:41:45.240 --> 00:41:47.840
with the guy that I kind of had a date with

694
00:41:47.840 --> 00:41:49.640
that wasn't supposed to be a date.

695
00:41:49.640 --> 00:41:50.480
Yeah.

696
00:41:50.480 --> 00:41:52.920
Unfortunately, it didn't end up happening.

697
00:41:52.920 --> 00:41:55.080
Okay, did you guys reschedule?

698
00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:59.200
Well, he was wanting to postpone it.

699
00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:02.240
He let me know-

700
00:42:02.240 --> 00:42:03.880
Did he say why?

701
00:42:03.880 --> 00:42:07.200
Yeah, when we went out the first time,

702
00:42:08.240 --> 00:42:11.520
he let me know that he was neurodivergent,

703
00:42:11.520 --> 00:42:13.880
he had been diagnosed with ADHD

704
00:42:13.880 --> 00:42:16.400
and they were kind of reevaluating

705
00:42:16.400 --> 00:42:18.800
if he might be on the autism spectrum.

706
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:24.800
And so he said, I'd really like to postpone,

707
00:42:27.520 --> 00:42:31.360
my psychiatric evaluation is on Tuesday,

708
00:42:31.360 --> 00:42:33.080
I guess it's today.

709
00:42:33.080 --> 00:42:36.120
And I'm just like really nervous about it.

710
00:42:36.120 --> 00:42:39.360
And so my head just like wouldn't be in it right now.

711
00:42:39.360 --> 00:42:40.880
Okay.

712
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:43.520
So, and I think that's quite honest.

713
00:42:43.520 --> 00:42:46.040
It's not a no, it's just a not right now.

714
00:42:46.040 --> 00:42:47.200
Yes, exactly.

715
00:42:47.240 --> 00:42:50.440
And I think it's just like all in God's timing.

716
00:42:50.440 --> 00:42:54.720
And I think it's great that he was honest about it.

717
00:42:54.720 --> 00:42:58.520
And I think that would help the relationship out

718
00:42:58.520 --> 00:43:01.600
if it does come back up again, like further down the line

719
00:43:01.600 --> 00:43:04.640
because then he's not dealing with all that.

720
00:43:04.640 --> 00:43:05.480
So-

721
00:43:05.480 --> 00:43:06.320
Exactly.

722
00:43:06.320 --> 00:43:07.160
That's what I was gonna say.

723
00:43:07.160 --> 00:43:10.160
I think that was really awesome of him to me.

724
00:43:10.160 --> 00:43:12.800
That's a good sign that he is,

725
00:43:13.640 --> 00:43:18.640
he's self aware of what's gonna work for him

726
00:43:18.840 --> 00:43:21.040
and he's willing to communicate that.

727
00:43:21.040 --> 00:43:23.320
Because you guys have a little bit of a friendship too,

728
00:43:23.320 --> 00:43:24.160
right?

729
00:43:24.160 --> 00:43:25.920
Like you know each other in community.

730
00:43:25.920 --> 00:43:26.760
Yes.

731
00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:28.320
So I think that is a good sign.

732
00:43:28.320 --> 00:43:30.960
So it's not a no, it's just a not yet.

733
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:33.640
You're still out, you're meeting other people,

734
00:43:33.640 --> 00:43:36.200
you're putting yourself out there.

735
00:43:36.200 --> 00:43:38.600
So all good things.

736
00:43:38.600 --> 00:43:39.480
Yep.

737
00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:40.320
Awesome.

738
00:43:40.320 --> 00:43:42.280
Well, thank you so much for that update.

739
00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:43.640
Yep.

740
00:43:44.680 --> 00:43:45.720
All right.

741
00:43:45.720 --> 00:43:47.320
Caitlin, I got you next.

742
00:43:51.520 --> 00:43:52.880
Hello.

743
00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:54.080
How are you?

744
00:43:54.080 --> 00:43:54.920
Good.

745
00:43:56.120 --> 00:43:58.200
I'm just full laundry, don't mind me.

746
00:43:58.200 --> 00:43:59.800
No worries.

747
00:43:59.800 --> 00:44:01.360
Multitasking, I love it.

748
00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:06.920
Yeah, so I kind of just wanted to update as well

749
00:44:06.920 --> 00:44:09.240
and maybe just get some brief feedback.

750
00:44:09.480 --> 00:44:10.800
Okay.

751
00:44:10.800 --> 00:44:14.360
Last week, I don't know if you remember me sharing,

752
00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:16.960
I went out with a guy who I was really excited about

753
00:44:18.520 --> 00:44:22.280
and his name lined up with like a word

754
00:44:22.280 --> 00:44:23.520
that I thought I got from God.

755
00:44:23.520 --> 00:44:25.360
You know, I had that.

756
00:44:25.360 --> 00:44:29.560
And then it made me really anxious for the second date

757
00:44:29.560 --> 00:44:32.680
because I built so much up in my head about this guy.

758
00:44:33.520 --> 00:44:37.840
And then we had our second date and it was very okay.

759
00:44:38.840 --> 00:44:43.840
It was, I felt that he was talking over me a lot

760
00:44:45.560 --> 00:44:48.560
and didn't ask me very many questions

761
00:44:48.560 --> 00:44:50.880
and the energy was off.

762
00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:52.200
I felt kind of overwhelmed.

763
00:44:52.200 --> 00:44:55.440
I'm like a sensitive, more introverted person.

764
00:44:55.440 --> 00:44:56.280
Yeah.

765
00:44:57.320 --> 00:44:59.920
At the end of the date, I was like, oh.

766
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.560
No, I don't know.

767
00:45:02.560 --> 00:45:07.560
So yeah, he was, he's just not maybe you kind of had the,

768
00:45:09.160 --> 00:45:12.520
it kind of was like you inflated it really big.

769
00:45:12.520 --> 00:45:14.080
And then now it's on, it's like, okay,

770
00:45:14.080 --> 00:45:16.400
reality hits a little bit, okay.

771
00:45:16.400 --> 00:45:19.360
Now, are you guys planning on a third date?

772
00:45:19.360 --> 00:45:21.440
Like, how did it end?

773
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:23.280
Yeah, so he, it's funny.

774
00:45:23.280 --> 00:45:25.680
He didn't even say like, I had a nice time.

775
00:45:25.680 --> 00:45:28.000
Would you like to, at the end of the date,

776
00:45:28.000 --> 00:45:31.360
he just said, he said, so are you free?

777
00:45:31.360 --> 00:45:34.840
Did it like, okay, so, but so we're gonna,

778
00:45:34.840 --> 00:45:36.360
we are gonna get together.

779
00:45:36.360 --> 00:45:39.080
Cause so I, in my mind, part of me was like,

780
00:45:39.080 --> 00:45:42.480
I think it's a no, but then I thought, you know,

781
00:45:42.480 --> 00:45:45.640
let me give it kind of the three date rule.

782
00:45:45.640 --> 00:45:47.880
I was gonna say, why do you think it's a no?

783
00:45:49.720 --> 00:45:54.720
Well, I think it's a no because of the chemistry

784
00:45:55.720 --> 00:45:59.400
wasn't, was off.

785
00:45:59.400 --> 00:46:03.680
I think, again, I'm a really kind of,

786
00:46:03.680 --> 00:46:05.680
I like to ask people questions.

787
00:46:05.680 --> 00:46:10.120
I'm feel like I'm a very like thoughtful type of person.

788
00:46:10.120 --> 00:46:13.120
And I like that to be reciprocated.

789
00:46:13.120 --> 00:46:16.160
And I just actually on both dates, I felt this way,

790
00:46:16.160 --> 00:46:17.920
but the first one I brushed it off and I was like,

791
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:19.600
oh, he's probably just nervous.

792
00:46:19.600 --> 00:46:20.880
But then the second day I was like,

793
00:46:20.880 --> 00:46:22.920
oh, this is even more intense.

794
00:46:23.920 --> 00:46:27.000
So I love what you said about the reciprocation.

795
00:46:27.000 --> 00:46:30.880
I'm a, you know, an advocate for the reciprocation.

796
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:33.320
You'll hear that a lot here in last year single

797
00:46:33.320 --> 00:46:35.880
is it's more about reciprocation and not just,

798
00:46:35.880 --> 00:46:37.560
oh, is he pursuing me?

799
00:46:37.560 --> 00:46:39.880
No, there needs to be a healthy reciprocation.

800
00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:43.240
Like ladies, the men can't do all the work.

801
00:46:43.240 --> 00:46:44.400
Okay.

802
00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:46.200
We have to give them a little something.

803
00:46:46.200 --> 00:46:47.040
All right.

804
00:46:47.040 --> 00:46:51.080
Now we're not gonna, but we also share with you ladies,

805
00:46:51.080 --> 00:46:55.080
after the first date, let them initiate the second date.

806
00:46:55.080 --> 00:46:58.080
I even say, let them initiate the third date.

807
00:46:58.080 --> 00:46:59.600
And then after you've done that,

808
00:46:59.600 --> 00:47:01.640
you want some reciprocation.

809
00:47:01.640 --> 00:47:04.000
So I like that you're looking for someone

810
00:47:04.000 --> 00:47:05.600
that's gonna reciprocate.

811
00:47:05.600 --> 00:47:08.600
So I'm gonna go back to that whole communication piece.

812
00:47:08.600 --> 00:47:11.240
So I love that you're gonna give him a third date.

813
00:47:11.240 --> 00:47:13.040
You're not asking him completely.

814
00:47:13.040 --> 00:47:14.080
Okay.

815
00:47:14.080 --> 00:47:17.320
And that, you know, get to know him more.

816
00:47:17.320 --> 00:47:19.520
Have you communicated to him?

817
00:47:19.520 --> 00:47:22.120
Hey, like, is there anything you wanna know about me?

818
00:47:22.120 --> 00:47:23.400
Like, what are some things

819
00:47:23.400 --> 00:47:25.720
that you would like to learn about me?

820
00:47:25.720 --> 00:47:27.280
Maybe I'll do that on this.

821
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:30.280
And if he kind of seems a little like awkward about it,

822
00:47:30.280 --> 00:47:33.880
just be like, I really appreciate and value

823
00:47:33.880 --> 00:47:36.680
when people ask me questions

824
00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:37.640
when they're getting to know me.

825
00:47:37.640 --> 00:47:39.640
And I don't like to like,

826
00:47:39.640 --> 00:47:41.560
and I don't know if this is how you are.

827
00:47:41.560 --> 00:47:42.880
This is how I am.

828
00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:44.840
I don't like to feel like I'm the one

829
00:47:44.840 --> 00:47:46.800
that's leading the whole conversation

830
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:50.080
because I am a talker and I'm very aware of that.

831
00:47:50.080 --> 00:47:52.280
And so I would always communicate to my dates like,

832
00:47:52.280 --> 00:47:54.600
look, I know I talk a lot.

833
00:47:54.600 --> 00:47:57.880
I know some people don't like when people talk a lot.

834
00:47:57.880 --> 00:47:59.680
So I'm trying to be mindful.

835
00:47:59.680 --> 00:48:01.680
Please feel free to interrupt me.

836
00:48:01.680 --> 00:48:04.400
Let me know if you have any questions.

837
00:48:04.400 --> 00:48:06.640
I'm happy to answer anything

838
00:48:06.640 --> 00:48:09.120
that you wanna know within reason.

839
00:48:09.120 --> 00:48:10.040
Okay.

840
00:48:10.040 --> 00:48:13.440
And so it's just, again, it's about communication.

841
00:48:13.440 --> 00:48:15.640
I will also share with you ladies,

842
00:48:15.640 --> 00:48:17.760
and I'm not saying that you're doing this Caitlin,

843
00:48:17.760 --> 00:48:19.760
but I do know that this sometimes does come up

844
00:48:19.760 --> 00:48:21.320
and I just felt in my spirit.

845
00:48:21.320 --> 00:48:22.480
So I don't know if this is for you

846
00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:25.560
or if it's someone on the call or someone in replay

847
00:48:25.560 --> 00:48:26.960
that's gonna watch that.

848
00:48:26.960 --> 00:48:29.320
We have to be careful

849
00:48:29.320 --> 00:48:31.440
that we're not trying to find someone

850
00:48:31.440 --> 00:48:33.760
that's exactly like us.

851
00:48:33.760 --> 00:48:36.200
Just because we're a certain way

852
00:48:37.320 --> 00:48:39.200
doesn't mean that our partner

853
00:48:39.200 --> 00:48:43.280
is going to necessarily be that same way as well.

854
00:48:43.280 --> 00:48:46.520
There is a thing called complimentary opposites.

855
00:48:46.520 --> 00:48:48.320
We don't wanna be so opposite

856
00:48:48.320 --> 00:48:50.440
that we just don't attract at all,

857
00:48:50.440 --> 00:48:53.560
but you wanna be a complimentary opposite.

858
00:48:53.560 --> 00:48:58.040
And so do you want to marry yourself?

859
00:48:59.640 --> 00:49:00.560
No.

860
00:49:00.560 --> 00:49:01.400
No.

861
00:49:01.400 --> 00:49:04.520
But I also don't wanna marry the polar opposite of myself.

862
00:49:04.520 --> 00:49:05.360
Exactly.

863
00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:09.000
And that's what this dating process is going to be like.

864
00:49:09.000 --> 00:49:12.640
That's why we encourage it's a yes until it's a no.

865
00:49:12.680 --> 00:49:16.800
So as long as there's no glaring red flags,

866
00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:18.680
continue to see like if there are things

867
00:49:18.680 --> 00:49:20.520
that you enjoy about him,

868
00:49:20.520 --> 00:49:23.400
if you see fruits of the spirit in him,

869
00:49:23.400 --> 00:49:25.160
if there are things that you're like,

870
00:49:25.160 --> 00:49:27.720
okay, I wanna get to know a little bit more

871
00:49:27.720 --> 00:49:30.880
maybe why he's like this.

872
00:49:30.880 --> 00:49:31.720
Sure.

873
00:49:31.720 --> 00:49:33.360
Sometimes it's learning the why someone

874
00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:35.160
is the way that they are.

875
00:49:35.160 --> 00:49:36.920
And if we can get that perspective,

876
00:49:36.920 --> 00:49:40.360
we can have a better understanding

877
00:49:40.360 --> 00:49:42.240
of why they behave the way they do.

878
00:49:43.040 --> 00:49:43.880
Right.

879
00:49:43.880 --> 00:49:44.720
Okay.

880
00:49:44.720 --> 00:49:48.240
If I were in a relationship with this person,

881
00:49:48.240 --> 00:49:51.480
then maybe I could communicate like,

882
00:49:51.480 --> 00:49:55.240
hey, will you ask me some more questions about myself?

883
00:49:56.240 --> 00:49:57.080
You know?

884
00:49:57.080 --> 00:49:58.480
Well, and that's the thing is,

885
00:49:58.480 --> 00:49:59.520
this is discovery dating.

886
00:49:59.520 --> 00:50:00.360
So.

887
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.960
Communication is not just for people that we're in like close relationship with.

888
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:08.280
You have communication with everyone on an everyday basis.

889
00:50:08.280 --> 00:50:15.400
And so, you know, God created us to have community with each other, you know, and to, to interact

890
00:50:15.400 --> 00:50:16.400
with one another.

891
00:50:16.400 --> 00:50:20.040
And a big part of that is being able to communicate, right?

892
00:50:20.040 --> 00:50:22.520
So it's, I think it's a good practice.

893
00:50:22.520 --> 00:50:27.480
This is why I love this phase is because we get to put those heartwork things in practice

894
00:50:27.480 --> 00:50:33.240
and we get to learn how we can do things better so that we don't have those heart wound triggers

895
00:50:33.240 --> 00:50:34.840
and things like that.

896
00:50:34.840 --> 00:50:35.840
Yeah.

897
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:38.720
Can I just ask one final thing?

898
00:50:38.720 --> 00:50:46.520
It's along the same lines of, so like when you met your husband, did you have like an

899
00:50:46.520 --> 00:50:50.800
on the first date where you're like, there's a yes in my spirit about this, or did it take

900
00:50:50.800 --> 00:50:52.920
time for there to become a yes?

901
00:50:52.920 --> 00:50:55.160
So everyone is going to be different.

902
00:50:55.160 --> 00:50:56.160
Okay.

903
00:50:56.160 --> 00:51:02.480
I will tell you again, my situation is different because we were a long distance and I was

904
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:06.320
getting to know him over a long period of time and long distance dating is going to

905
00:51:06.320 --> 00:51:08.880
look different than if you ladies are dating locally.

906
00:51:08.880 --> 00:51:09.880
Okay.

907
00:51:09.880 --> 00:51:15.240
There's going to be an acceleration a little bit on, on long distance dating, excuse me.

908
00:51:15.240 --> 00:51:22.680
So the first three weeks I was getting to know him, I was ready to cut and run.

909
00:51:22.680 --> 00:51:24.440
Like I was just not feeling it.

910
00:51:24.440 --> 00:51:27.840
I like, there were things that I'm like, Oh, I think this is a red flag or I'm not

911
00:51:27.840 --> 00:51:29.080
sure how I feel about this.

912
00:51:29.080 --> 00:51:30.080
I don't like that.

913
00:51:30.080 --> 00:51:31.080
He does this.

914
00:51:31.080 --> 00:51:32.080
I mean, there was some of that.

915
00:51:32.080 --> 00:51:33.080
Okay.

916
00:51:33.080 --> 00:51:34.440
For three weeks.

917
00:51:34.440 --> 00:51:39.840
And so when I met him in person, I was actually pleasantly surprised.

918
00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:44.880
I also was not physically attracted to him at first until I met him in person.

919
00:51:44.880 --> 00:51:47.240
I was like, Oh, okay.

920
00:51:47.240 --> 00:51:53.360
I kind of, and I wasn't even so much physically attracted to him as I was just attracted to

921
00:51:53.520 --> 00:51:54.520
his personality.

922
00:51:54.520 --> 00:51:57.240
And I really, I saw his heart.

923
00:51:57.240 --> 00:51:59.920
I saw many fruits.

924
00:51:59.920 --> 00:52:03.640
I was obviously it was in Jackie's program for over two years.

925
00:52:03.640 --> 00:52:07.000
And so it was ingrained in me, be fruit inspectors.

926
00:52:07.000 --> 00:52:11.000
So ladies, you'll hear that from us all the time, be fruit inspectors.

927
00:52:11.000 --> 00:52:12.000
Okay.

928
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:13.920
Let's, are they patient?

929
00:52:13.920 --> 00:52:14.920
Are they kind?

930
00:52:14.920 --> 00:52:15.920
Do they have self-control?

931
00:52:15.920 --> 00:52:18.040
Are they gentle?

932
00:52:18.040 --> 00:52:22.880
Do they like, you want to see those characteristics come out.

933
00:52:23.400 --> 00:52:26.080
Do you want to see their heart posture?

934
00:52:26.080 --> 00:52:27.640
Are they teachable?

935
00:52:27.640 --> 00:52:29.200
Do they have the three M's?

936
00:52:29.200 --> 00:52:35.880
Are they, you know, divine masculine, not the world's view of masculinity, but God's

937
00:52:35.880 --> 00:52:38.000
design for masculinity.

938
00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:39.360
Are they mature?

939
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:41.120
Are they marriage minded?

940
00:52:41.120 --> 00:52:46.880
You're not going to find out all of that information in just the first couple of days.

941
00:52:46.880 --> 00:52:51.240
A lot of times you're going to have to spend a little more time getting to know somebody

942
00:52:51.320 --> 00:52:55.280
to determine whether they have all of that.

943
00:52:55.280 --> 00:52:59.600
So, you know, some of the excitement is wearing down for you.

944
00:52:59.600 --> 00:53:01.560
There's some things that are kind of annoying.

945
00:53:01.560 --> 00:53:09.280
Maybe like you don't like spend time understanding why, and maybe again, give it a few more dates,

946
00:53:09.280 --> 00:53:11.320
see how things go.

947
00:53:11.320 --> 00:53:12.320
Be observing.

948
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:13.320
Okay.

949
00:53:13.320 --> 00:53:14.320
Does he have some fruits?

950
00:53:14.320 --> 00:53:15.320
Are there things that I really liked?

951
00:53:15.320 --> 00:53:17.680
Do I want to continue to keep getting to know him?

952
00:53:17.680 --> 00:53:22.080
And after, if there's after a few dates, you're just like, yeah, no, this isn't it.

953
00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:26.480
It's okay to say, Hey, thank you for spending time getting to know me.

954
00:53:26.480 --> 00:53:28.840
I don't see this really going anywhere romantically.

955
00:53:28.840 --> 00:53:31.600
I want to wish you the best.

956
00:53:31.600 --> 00:53:33.400
And then you can end it.

957
00:53:33.400 --> 00:53:37.400
But we encourage you ladies to spend some time getting to know somebody first before

958
00:53:37.400 --> 00:53:43.720
you do the, it's a no, because we don't want this pattern of just, oh, he doesn't, he doesn't

959
00:53:43.720 --> 00:53:44.720
do this.

960
00:53:44.720 --> 00:53:45.720
So I'm going to say it's no.

961
00:53:45.720 --> 00:53:46.720
Oh, he doesn't do this.

962
00:53:46.760 --> 00:53:53.600
I mean, there will be things that like, you have to ask yourself, is this a deal breaker?

963
00:53:53.600 --> 00:53:55.880
Is this a non-negotiable from heaven?

964
00:53:55.880 --> 00:53:57.500
All right.

965
00:53:57.500 --> 00:54:00.120
I was actually just thinking about this in the car today when I was thinking about my

966
00:54:00.120 --> 00:54:07.160
husband, like, you know, there were certain things that I'm like, I'm, I love sports.

967
00:54:07.160 --> 00:54:08.160
Okay.

968
00:54:08.160 --> 00:54:13.780
One thing I'm passionate about is I have a younger son who is a very huge athlete.

969
00:54:13.780 --> 00:54:14.780
He plays baseball.

970
00:54:14.860 --> 00:54:16.860
He's, you know, obviously I'm biased.

971
00:54:16.860 --> 00:54:19.060
I think he's really good at what he does.

972
00:54:19.060 --> 00:54:21.140
I think he's going to go somewhere with it.

973
00:54:21.140 --> 00:54:23.120
I love being at the fields.

974
00:54:23.120 --> 00:54:24.540
I love being competitive.

975
00:54:24.540 --> 00:54:29.780
I am the baseball mom on the sidelines screaming and hollering, potentially sometimes getting

976
00:54:29.780 --> 00:54:30.780
myself kicked out.

977
00:54:30.780 --> 00:54:37.420
I've not ever been kicked out, but that was that I was a, I'm a competitive sports person.

978
00:54:37.420 --> 00:54:40.140
I wanted to be able to share that.

979
00:54:40.140 --> 00:54:42.980
And I desire that in a husband.

980
00:54:42.980 --> 00:54:47.540
Obviously he loves sports and he likes going to sporting events and he loves going to all

981
00:54:47.540 --> 00:54:48.540
of our kids' sports.

982
00:54:48.540 --> 00:54:50.380
So I like, that was great.

983
00:54:50.380 --> 00:54:55.420
Now another thing that I really desired is I like foot rubs and back massages.

984
00:54:55.420 --> 00:54:59.980
Y'all, my husband does not give me foot rubs and back massages.

985
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:06.880
You know, but that wasn't a deal-breaker for me, you know, like do I poke at him like oh my gosh rub my feet

986
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:10.020
Yeah, okay, but he doesn't always do that

987
00:55:10.080 --> 00:55:14.040
So again, you have to ask yourself as you're getting to know somebody now

988
00:55:14.040 --> 00:55:19.520
Don't go up to any guys be like, you know, are you gonna massage my back if we ever get hairy like don't do that

989
00:55:19.600 --> 00:55:21.600
Okay

990
00:55:22.160 --> 00:55:27.760
But again, you have to ask yourself are these deal-breakers and so that's why we spend time getting to know no people

991
00:55:28.480 --> 00:55:30.480
and as long as it's not a

992
00:55:31.240 --> 00:55:33.240
immediate no like

993
00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:36.120
Take time getting to know them, you know

994
00:55:36.120 --> 00:55:41.400
Maybe if you go on another date and still not asking you questions just be like, hey, I'm curious

995
00:55:41.880 --> 00:55:44.280
Is there a reason why you're not asking me questions?

996
00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:48.000
Like I don't want to seem like I'm driving the conversation

997
00:55:48.000 --> 00:55:53.880
Are you interested in knowing more about me or are you shut like I mean be bold ask them. Yeah

998
00:55:54.880 --> 00:55:58.280
He seems anxious and it could be

999
00:55:59.200 --> 00:56:04.760
Saying just give it more time and getting to know him and see how he responds for sure and then keep us updated

1000
00:56:05.640 --> 00:56:11.320
Okay. Okay. We've got about 15 minutes. So again ladies remember short brief powerful Colette

1001
00:56:11.320 --> 00:56:16.240
I've got you then Lisa and then Janice if there's time I will take yours as well

1002
00:56:16.240 --> 00:56:20.280
If there's not Janice, I will have you put it in the app and we can get to you there

1003
00:56:20.400 --> 00:56:22.760
So Colette, I see you're driving. So that's why

1004
00:56:23.560 --> 00:56:25.840
What's your question, are you able to unmute?

1005
00:56:28.760 --> 00:56:31.560
Oh, I don't know if she hears me looks like she's frozen

1006
00:56:38.040 --> 00:56:44.520
Oh and then Louisa I have you so, okay, I think Colette we might have lost her so Colette if you can still hear me. Oh

1007
00:56:45.960 --> 00:56:47.960
Wait, can you unmute?

1008
00:56:53.400 --> 00:56:55.400
There we go, awesome

1009
00:56:57.360 --> 00:57:01.760
Yeah, I think you right before I was leaving the office I

1010
00:57:02.600 --> 00:57:06.280
You were kind of talking a little bit about it. I was wanting to know about

1011
00:57:07.040 --> 00:57:11.120
How long you know, you said you weren't attracted to your husband at first. How'd that all play out?

1012
00:57:12.640 --> 00:57:14.840
Well, obviously I'm very physically attracted my husband

1013
00:57:16.360 --> 00:57:18.120
Like

1014
00:57:18.120 --> 00:57:20.840
Ladies what I will say is as you get to know

1015
00:57:21.360 --> 00:57:23.360
Obviously

1016
00:57:23.480 --> 00:57:27.520
Physical attraction like you're gonna want to be physically attracted to your husband

1017
00:57:27.520 --> 00:57:32.760
but one thing that I learned over time in the 20 years that I was dating is

1018
00:57:35.880 --> 00:57:42.840
Personality in someone's heart is far more attractive than the outside exterior

1019
00:57:43.720 --> 00:57:48.000
Okay, I'm not saying that those things are not important. Like you obviously want to need to look at your husband

1020
00:57:48.000 --> 00:57:53.320
Okay, and and this is another thing. We need to ask ourselves. Do we believe that?

1021
00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:56.440
God has an

1022
00:57:57.240 --> 00:58:02.600
Attractive person for us like does God want you to be with someone that you're not attracted to ladies

1023
00:58:03.680 --> 00:58:04.800
No

1024
00:58:04.800 --> 00:58:12.240
Okay, we just need to make sure that we are in alignment with what are we finding? What's driving our attraction?

1025
00:58:12.800 --> 00:58:19.240
If someone's physical looks is is driving our interest in someone that's a red flat

1026
00:58:20.760 --> 00:58:22.760
We want to look at someone's heart

1027
00:58:24.040 --> 00:58:30.720
Are they are they open are they teachable do again? I'm gonna bring up do they have the fruits?

1028
00:58:32.880 --> 00:58:34.880
Okay

1029
00:58:36.800 --> 00:58:40.080
It took me to two months on the app to

1030
00:58:41.080 --> 00:58:43.440
Try and actually even talk to anybody hardly

1031
00:58:44.440 --> 00:58:46.640
Let alone meet somebody. I

1032
00:58:47.640 --> 00:58:53.800
Struggled and I had to fight that and then so I saw somebody that looked super nice comfortable

1033
00:58:53.920 --> 00:58:55.920
You know not usually my type

1034
00:58:56.120 --> 00:59:03.720
And I was like, oh I could go out any so I finally had my first date number, you know, 30 years and

1035
00:59:05.160 --> 00:59:07.160
And probably my first date really

1036
00:59:08.120 --> 00:59:10.120
And so

1037
00:59:10.120 --> 00:59:11.320
I

1038
00:59:11.320 --> 00:59:13.320
Was like, okay. Well, he's comfortable

1039
00:59:14.040 --> 00:59:21.560
You know in a cute comfortable sense and when and it was a darker place where we were having dinner and I'm like

1040
00:59:21.560 --> 00:59:26.480
Oh, he's cuter than I thought but then we get outside and I'm like, oh it was only because it was dark

1041
00:59:26.480 --> 00:59:28.480
He was a bit cuter

1042
00:59:28.480 --> 00:59:33.160
But I've enjoyed I really enjoyed texting with him talking with him

1043
00:59:33.200 --> 00:59:40.480
You know, we're gonna go out to dinner in a movie and I'm like just trying to get comfortable with just the dating part

1044
00:59:40.480 --> 00:59:41.720
at least

1045
00:59:41.720 --> 00:59:43.720
but I mean

1046
00:59:44.040 --> 00:59:47.600
So I'm just thinking is there a chance that you know?

1047
00:59:47.960 --> 00:59:54.600
Because I went with comfort that I may become more attracted to him later and that and time will tell with that

1048
00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:56.800
so and and don't

1049
00:59:57.200 --> 00:59:59.880
Know you were saying that you're on the app and it took you a while

1050
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:01.840
Was it because you just didn't find anybody

1051
01:00:01.840 --> 01:00:03.020
physically attractive?

1052
01:00:04.020 --> 01:00:08.520
No, well, to me in some of my categories too,

1053
01:00:08.520 --> 01:00:11.760
and just sometimes some people would start talking to me

1054
01:00:11.760 --> 01:00:14.080
and I'd start to talk to them and they would ask to meet

1055
01:00:14.080 --> 01:00:16.880
and I would just disappear for a while.

1056
01:00:16.880 --> 01:00:17.720
Okay.

1057
01:00:17.720 --> 01:00:19.000
Because I really hate the apps

1058
01:00:19.000 --> 01:00:21.640
and then I get nervous about bad people.

1059
01:00:21.640 --> 01:00:25.280
And then now I have all these young people messaging me

1060
01:00:25.280 --> 01:00:28.280
and I'm like, dude, I'm,

1061
01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:30.040
so I actually started talking to one

1062
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:32.600
cause I wanted to know, why are you talking to me?

1063
01:00:34.240 --> 01:00:35.880
Cause he's like, you know,

1064
01:00:35.880 --> 01:00:37.280
so the age doesn't matter to you.

1065
01:00:37.280 --> 01:00:41.840
And I'm like, well, no, it's not a big deal, but why?

1066
01:00:41.840 --> 01:00:43.120
Why like older women?

1067
01:00:43.120 --> 01:00:43.960
I'm curious.

1068
01:00:43.960 --> 01:00:44.800
Like, yeah.

1069
01:00:44.800 --> 01:00:46.720
And I can get on that curiosity.

1070
01:00:46.720 --> 01:00:47.560
I did.

1071
01:00:47.560 --> 01:00:51.760
And so I'm like, he goes, I like older women, is that bad?

1072
01:00:51.760 --> 01:00:54.760
And I'm like, well, no, but I'm just trying to understand.

1073
01:00:56.120 --> 01:00:57.600
Yeah.

1074
01:00:58.240 --> 01:00:59.080
Yeah.

1075
01:00:59.080 --> 01:01:03.560
I mean, I definitely want you to keep us posted,

1076
01:01:03.560 --> 01:01:05.280
spend time like posting the app.

1077
01:01:05.280 --> 01:01:06.480
Let us know what's going on

1078
01:01:06.480 --> 01:01:08.840
because like you said, you're kind of like,

1079
01:01:08.840 --> 01:01:11.080
if people are asking to meet up with you

1080
01:01:11.080 --> 01:01:12.680
and you're cutting and running,

1081
01:01:12.680 --> 01:01:14.400
that's probably a heart wound

1082
01:01:14.400 --> 01:01:18.680
and we're gonna wanna spend some time on that at some point.

1083
01:01:18.680 --> 01:01:22.160
So I wanna encourage you to like process that on your own

1084
01:01:22.160 --> 01:01:27.160
is what is the root or the belief

1085
01:01:27.880 --> 01:01:32.360
the core belief that you're aligning with

1086
01:01:32.360 --> 01:01:36.120
or the fear that you're believing?

1087
01:01:36.120 --> 01:01:39.760
And let's do some heart work on that stuff.

1088
01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:43.480
Like what's that core belief?

1089
01:01:43.480 --> 01:01:45.240
And is it that truth?

1090
01:01:45.240 --> 01:01:47.600
I know a tiny bit of it is when,

1091
01:01:47.600 --> 01:01:49.360
cause the stupid Facebook app

1092
01:01:49.360 --> 01:01:52.000
only lets you see people in your area.

1093
01:01:52.000 --> 01:01:55.000
And my plan is not to stay in that area.

1094
01:01:55.000 --> 01:01:55.840
Okay.

1095
01:01:55.840 --> 01:01:58.480
Part of my worry is I don't really worry

1096
01:01:58.480 --> 01:02:00.200
about meeting somebody in that area

1097
01:02:00.200 --> 01:02:02.680
because I don't wanna get-

1098
01:02:02.680 --> 01:02:04.520
Well, here's the thing is,

1099
01:02:04.520 --> 01:02:06.000
do you put in your profile,

1100
01:02:06.000 --> 01:02:08.320
like I currently live in this area.

1101
01:02:08.320 --> 01:02:10.720
I'm open to living in other areas.

1102
01:02:10.720 --> 01:02:13.000
Like, are you communicating that in your profile?

1103
01:02:13.000 --> 01:02:14.800
No, I probably should.

1104
01:02:14.800 --> 01:02:16.200
Do that ladies.

1105
01:02:16.200 --> 01:02:17.920
I mean, that way then guys are looking at you.

1106
01:02:17.920 --> 01:02:20.080
They know that you have a desire

1107
01:02:20.080 --> 01:02:22.760
to move away from that area in the future.

1108
01:02:22.760 --> 01:02:23.720
Because maybe-

1109
01:02:24.440 --> 01:02:27.720
Maybe someone in your area looking at your profile,

1110
01:02:27.720 --> 01:02:29.120
maybe they wanna move too.

1111
01:02:30.320 --> 01:02:31.160
Okay.

1112
01:02:31.160 --> 01:02:32.800
Well, you don't start hanging out

1113
01:02:32.800 --> 01:02:35.400
and spending time with somebody that's gonna stay.

1114
01:02:35.400 --> 01:02:36.720
Yeah, exactly.

1115
01:02:36.720 --> 01:02:40.120
So yeah, I will encourage you to do that.

1116
01:02:40.120 --> 01:02:42.200
And then just, I encourage you

1117
01:02:42.200 --> 01:02:43.960
to just make some posts in the app.

1118
01:02:43.960 --> 01:02:44.800
Let us know.

1119
01:02:44.800 --> 01:02:46.560
And how do I do that?

1120
01:02:46.560 --> 01:02:48.720
Is it that just under communication?

1121
01:02:48.720 --> 01:02:51.280
I don't see anybody posting much of anything.

1122
01:02:51.280 --> 01:02:52.600
So I'm not sure where to go.

1123
01:02:52.600 --> 01:02:54.520
So yeah, when you go in the app,

1124
01:02:54.520 --> 01:02:57.920
there's gonna be a button that says create a post.

1125
01:02:57.920 --> 01:02:59.120
And when you click that,

1126
01:02:59.120 --> 01:03:01.640
then there's in that little box,

1127
01:03:01.640 --> 01:03:03.440
it's like you can click all,

1128
01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:05.360
you can click ask a coach,

1129
01:03:05.360 --> 01:03:06.640
you can click wins,

1130
01:03:06.640 --> 01:03:07.600
you can click.

1131
01:03:07.600 --> 01:03:08.440
Yeah.

1132
01:03:08.440 --> 01:03:09.600
And so if you click that and then you just type,

1133
01:03:09.600 --> 01:03:11.240
it's just kind of like Facebook.

1134
01:03:11.240 --> 01:03:13.080
Like you're just making a post in Facebook.

1135
01:03:13.080 --> 01:03:15.280
But it's gonna look a little different.

1136
01:03:15.280 --> 01:03:18.120
But I like see something from a coach

1137
01:03:18.120 --> 01:03:19.840
every like four or five days.

1138
01:03:19.840 --> 01:03:20.680
And that's all I see.

1139
01:03:20.680 --> 01:03:21.520
So I wasn't sure-

1140
01:03:21.520 --> 01:03:22.680
You have to scroll.

1141
01:03:22.680 --> 01:03:24.640
So when you first come in that app,

1142
01:03:24.640 --> 01:03:27.000
we, Jackie, Bethany,

1143
01:03:27.880 --> 01:03:29.680
I don't know if I have any pin posts.

1144
01:03:29.680 --> 01:03:32.120
We post things so that when people scroll,

1145
01:03:32.120 --> 01:03:33.840
we got some like announcements,

1146
01:03:33.840 --> 01:03:34.680
some big things.

1147
01:03:34.680 --> 01:03:35.960
That's what you're gonna see first.

1148
01:03:35.960 --> 01:03:37.280
But as you scroll,

1149
01:03:37.280 --> 01:03:40.320
you'll see other ladies in the community.

1150
01:03:40.320 --> 01:03:41.760
Oh, all right.

1151
01:03:41.760 --> 01:03:44.040
And then click on a tab and it will say ask a coach.

1152
01:03:44.040 --> 01:03:46.560
And there's like one or two pinned posts

1153
01:03:46.560 --> 01:03:49.120
at the top of that tab as you scroll.

1154
01:03:49.120 --> 01:03:52.440
But again, go to that and create a post.

1155
01:03:52.440 --> 01:03:53.280
Okay.

1156
01:03:53.280 --> 01:03:54.520
Okay, because I thought I was in the wrong spot.

1157
01:03:54.520 --> 01:03:55.360
Okay.

1158
01:03:55.360 --> 01:03:56.200
No, good.

1159
01:03:56.200 --> 01:03:57.040
Well, I'm glad you asked that

1160
01:03:57.040 --> 01:03:58.440
because I wonder if maybe that was the same,

1161
01:03:59.680 --> 01:04:01.440
you know, confusion that some of the other ladies

1162
01:04:01.440 --> 01:04:02.280
are experiencing.

1163
01:04:02.280 --> 01:04:03.520
So I'm glad you asked that

1164
01:04:03.520 --> 01:04:05.600
because hopefully that will clear up

1165
01:04:05.600 --> 01:04:07.440
and we'll get more people commenting.

1166
01:04:08.360 --> 01:04:09.280
Okay.

1167
01:04:09.280 --> 01:04:10.120
All right.

1168
01:04:10.120 --> 01:04:12.080
I've got Lisa next.

1169
01:04:12.080 --> 01:04:17.080
And then we may have to call time.

1170
01:04:17.160 --> 01:04:18.680
And then Michelle and Janice,

1171
01:04:19.480 --> 01:04:23.360
I will have you post in the app.

1172
01:04:23.360 --> 01:04:24.480
Okay.

1173
01:04:24.480 --> 01:04:26.360
And, or if you get on the eight o'clock,

1174
01:04:26.360 --> 01:04:30.440
I'll let Ebony know to take y'all's questions first.

1175
01:04:30.440 --> 01:04:31.280
Okay.

1176
01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:33.960
Lisa, are you able to unmute?

1177
01:04:33.960 --> 01:04:35.040
I know you're working.

1178
01:04:35.040 --> 01:04:35.880
Okay.

1179
01:04:35.880 --> 01:04:36.720
We've got five minutes.

1180
01:04:36.720 --> 01:04:38.080
So I need you to be short, brief and powerful.

1181
01:04:38.080 --> 01:04:39.280
Okay.

1182
01:04:39.280 --> 01:04:41.760
So I am not dating, you know that.

1183
01:04:41.760 --> 01:04:42.600
Yeah.

1184
01:04:42.600 --> 01:04:44.080
Yet.

1185
01:04:44.080 --> 01:04:48.160
So I did go out with one of my colleagues

1186
01:04:49.000 --> 01:04:52.920
and other three men who she knows, I didn't know them,

1187
01:04:52.920 --> 01:04:55.960
but I was having hard time making eye contacts with men.

1188
01:04:55.960 --> 01:04:56.840
So I thought, you know what?

1189
01:04:56.840 --> 01:04:58.200
It's just going to be a practice.

1190
01:04:58.200 --> 01:05:00.080
Like I can sit in front of them.

1191
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:02.680
and then talk, I did do that.

1192
01:05:02.680 --> 01:05:04.320
And I mean, I wouldn't do that again

1193
01:05:04.320 --> 01:05:06.440
because there was no fruitful conversation

1194
01:05:06.440 --> 01:05:08.280
and I didn't like that.

1195
01:05:08.280 --> 01:05:09.120
Because I-

1196
01:05:09.120 --> 01:05:10.520
Okay, so wait, hold on.

1197
01:05:10.520 --> 01:05:14.440
So you're practicing making eye contact with men

1198
01:05:14.440 --> 01:05:16.800
and you did that this weekend and you didn't like it.

1199
01:05:16.800 --> 01:05:18.640
So now you don't wanna do it with anybody?

1200
01:05:18.640 --> 01:05:22.520
No, I mean, what we did was I went there at eight o'clock

1201
01:05:22.520 --> 01:05:24.320
at night with my colleague

1202
01:05:24.320 --> 01:05:26.880
because we had plans to bowl before.

1203
01:05:26.880 --> 01:05:29.240
So we finished bowling and then we went

1204
01:05:29.280 --> 01:05:34.040
and we just sat at a restaurant and it's a beer restaurant

1205
01:05:34.040 --> 01:05:35.760
and they were just drinking caffeine.

1206
01:05:35.760 --> 01:05:37.440
Like they were just filling up on caffeine

1207
01:05:37.440 --> 01:05:38.760
and we were just talking.

1208
01:05:38.760 --> 01:05:41.920
Like there was no fruitful conversation.

1209
01:05:41.920 --> 01:05:45.080
Like there was just talking that didn't make any sense.

1210
01:05:45.080 --> 01:05:49.200
Like young kids, young college students

1211
01:05:49.200 --> 01:05:51.800
and they were like 28, 24.

1212
01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:54.040
So they were just having fun

1213
01:05:54.040 --> 01:05:56.360
but I felt like I wouldn't do that again

1214
01:05:56.360 --> 01:06:01.360
because like, I just felt like that wasn't something

1215
01:06:01.520 --> 01:06:02.960
that I enjoyed.

1216
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:06.200
Like that wasn't the fun that I enjoyed.

1217
01:06:06.200 --> 01:06:08.960
I almost felt like it was a waste of time.

1218
01:06:08.960 --> 01:06:11.120
Okay, yeah, I don't think it was a waste of time.

1219
01:06:11.120 --> 01:06:14.600
So then what type of environment

1220
01:06:14.600 --> 01:06:18.960
would you be comfortable doing that with in?

1221
01:06:18.960 --> 01:06:22.160
Like maybe not going to somewhere that's like a loud place.

1222
01:06:22.160 --> 01:06:23.280
Like, was it loud there?

1223
01:06:23.280 --> 01:06:24.320
Is it like-

1224
01:06:24.320 --> 01:06:27.200
Yes, it was loud but I was just not used to talking

1225
01:06:27.200 --> 01:06:29.520
something that's not related to God

1226
01:06:29.520 --> 01:06:31.560
and that's not related to scriptures.

1227
01:06:31.560 --> 01:06:34.120
Like these men, they were Catholics.

1228
01:06:34.120 --> 01:06:37.400
So, but there was no conversation about God.

1229
01:06:37.400 --> 01:06:39.720
And it could be that it's just, I'm more reserved

1230
01:06:39.720 --> 01:06:41.960
and I haven't been out enough.

1231
01:06:43.600 --> 01:06:44.440
But one of the-

1232
01:06:44.440 --> 01:06:47.080
Can I be, can I be,

1233
01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:49.920
can I pull a little bit of a bandaid off?

1234
01:06:49.920 --> 01:06:52.240
Absolutely, you're welcome to do that.

1235
01:06:52.240 --> 01:06:56.240
Okay, I'm going to encourage you to practice.

1236
01:06:56.240 --> 01:06:59.600
Here's the thing, ladies, and this goes for all of you.

1237
01:06:59.600 --> 01:07:04.600
This process at times will be a stretching.

1238
01:07:05.280 --> 01:07:08.200
You're gonna get out of your comfort zones.

1239
01:07:08.200 --> 01:07:12.120
Lisa, I think this is an area where you're gonna be at,

1240
01:07:12.120 --> 01:07:13.960
you're in a place of discomfort

1241
01:07:13.960 --> 01:07:18.120
because you're not used to doing it, okay?

1242
01:07:18.120 --> 01:07:21.440
And so I think part of it is you're not used

1243
01:07:21.440 --> 01:07:23.120
to just having small talk.

1244
01:07:23.120 --> 01:07:28.120
You want the in-depth, like tell me about Jesus

1245
01:07:28.560 --> 01:07:30.000
because that's your passion

1246
01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:32.560
and there's nothing wrong with that.

1247
01:07:32.560 --> 01:07:36.080
But it's not going to be sustainable

1248
01:07:36.080 --> 01:07:39.800
in a relationship marriage for a long,

1249
01:07:39.800 --> 01:07:41.880
like you're gonna have to be able to kind of let loose

1250
01:07:41.880 --> 01:07:44.640
and have fun and have some small talk.

1251
01:07:44.640 --> 01:07:48.480
Same thing in any relationship, friendships, going out,

1252
01:07:48.480 --> 01:07:53.480
it can't always just be all of this in-depth conversation

1253
01:07:54.680 --> 01:07:57.040
and it's not enjoyable for you

1254
01:07:57.040 --> 01:07:59.560
because you're not used to doing it.

1255
01:07:59.560 --> 01:08:00.400
Yes.

1256
01:08:00.400 --> 01:08:03.720
You've spent a lot of time on your career

1257
01:08:03.720 --> 01:08:07.200
and getting where you're at now and that's awesome.

1258
01:08:07.200 --> 01:08:10.480
Now I think God is going to upgrade you

1259
01:08:10.480 --> 01:08:14.040
and he's gonna start tapping into relationships,

1260
01:08:14.040 --> 01:08:15.800
not just marriage relationships,

1261
01:08:15.800 --> 01:08:17.800
but relationships in general

1262
01:08:17.800 --> 01:08:19.240
and putting yourself out there,

1263
01:08:19.240 --> 01:08:22.200
coming out of hiding, getting to know people,

1264
01:08:22.200 --> 01:08:24.000
making small talk,

1265
01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:26.760
finding other things that you find enjoyable.

1266
01:08:26.760 --> 01:08:30.399
Ladies, it is okay to have this passion,

1267
01:08:30.399 --> 01:08:34.000
this love for Jesus, but what else is there?

1268
01:08:34.000 --> 01:08:36.319
What else do you enjoy about yourself?

1269
01:08:36.319 --> 01:08:40.680
What other things, you know, pour into you?

1270
01:08:41.600 --> 01:08:44.160
So the question, so my question

1271
01:08:44.160 --> 01:08:47.359
is one of the men made this comment,

1272
01:08:47.359 --> 01:08:51.680
I'm 4'11", so I'm really, like I'm not even five,

1273
01:08:51.680 --> 01:08:53.880
like my height, I'm 4'11".

1274
01:08:53.880 --> 01:08:54.720
Okay.

1275
01:08:54.720 --> 01:08:56.920
So he was just, he wasn't,

1276
01:08:56.920 --> 01:08:59.200
he didn't make a comment in a bad way,

1277
01:08:59.200 --> 01:09:01.359
but they were just laughing and having fun.

1278
01:09:01.359 --> 01:09:06.359
Like people were in all ages, 28, 24, 29, 27.

1279
01:09:06.479 --> 01:09:09.640
So he was like, well, maybe like stretch your arms

1280
01:09:09.640 --> 01:09:11.399
with the huge stretching thing

1281
01:09:11.399 --> 01:09:13.880
and then fall from the terrace

1282
01:09:13.880 --> 01:09:15.240
so that it will just stretch you.

1283
01:09:15.640 --> 01:09:17.720
So like literally no, no,

1284
01:09:17.720 --> 01:09:19.640
like it just doesn't make any sense.

1285
01:09:19.640 --> 01:09:20.479
Yeah.

1286
01:09:20.479 --> 01:09:21.319
Yeah.

1287
01:09:21.319 --> 01:09:22.800
Answer just some having fun,

1288
01:09:22.800 --> 01:09:25.240
let loose a little bit kind of thing.

1289
01:09:25.240 --> 01:09:27.920
And I, and again, I think part of that is

1290
01:09:27.920 --> 01:09:29.800
you're not used to that.

1291
01:09:29.800 --> 01:09:30.640
Yes.

1292
01:09:30.640 --> 01:09:32.680
But like, I know in heart healing,

1293
01:09:32.680 --> 01:09:35.080
I've, God has spoken to me so many times

1294
01:09:35.080 --> 01:09:37.520
that I'm fearful and wonderfully made.

1295
01:09:37.520 --> 01:09:38.800
I love the way I am.

1296
01:09:38.800 --> 01:09:42.399
I go to the gym and that tells me that I love who I am

1297
01:09:42.399 --> 01:09:43.240
because you only go to the gym.

1298
01:09:44.080 --> 01:09:44.920
Yeah.

1299
01:09:44.920 --> 01:09:45.760
Exactly.

1300
01:09:45.760 --> 01:09:48.080
So, but that actually did keep me thinking

1301
01:09:48.080 --> 01:09:51.600
for one day or two that, oh, am I short?

1302
01:09:51.600 --> 01:09:53.479
Like, oh, what if somebody like,

1303
01:09:53.479 --> 01:09:55.520
would people not like me because I'm short?

1304
01:09:55.520 --> 01:09:57.600
Like, would I not be able to find a husband

1305
01:09:57.600 --> 01:09:58.960
because I'm short?

1306
01:09:58.960 --> 01:10:00.200
So all these questions.

1307
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.680
kept coming, even though I truly believe that I love myself. Honestly, I've been doing the

1308
01:10:05.680 --> 01:10:11.840
gym for a year and a half now. Yes, yes. But yeah, I don't respond. I think I mean, I just

1309
01:10:11.840 --> 01:10:15.760
think you know, just kind of laugh it off when when people are making those comments. But I do

1310
01:10:15.760 --> 01:10:22.080
think it's important that you're paying attention. Because I think there was another a few weeks ago,

1311
01:10:22.080 --> 01:10:27.440
you even made a comment is someone and I forgive me because it's on the tip of my tongue and I

1312
01:10:27.440 --> 01:10:35.440
don't have it. But you you drew it, you asked a question, is someone going to want to love me?

1313
01:10:36.320 --> 01:10:42.880
Yes, when I'm on my periods? Yeah, that was it. That was it. So yeah, I, is this going to be

1314
01:10:42.880 --> 01:10:47.360
like, I'm just going to have you be mindful? Is this a pattern that's going to start coming up

1315
01:10:47.360 --> 01:10:54.400
that if someone makes a comment, or you feel a certain way? What do you believe that people

1316
01:10:54.400 --> 01:11:03.360
think about you? Like what? What's the concern there? Where's that root? Do you worry? Or do

1317
01:11:03.360 --> 01:11:11.200
you have fears? Or do you have anxiety? What's surfacing about what you believe people think of

1318
01:11:11.200 --> 01:11:17.360
you? Is there anything that you're believing that's a lie that we need to add God's truth to?

1319
01:11:18.000 --> 01:11:23.440
So yeah, you feel that way about you. But now it's our how are people going to see you? Are

1320
01:11:23.440 --> 01:11:29.280
they going to agree with your view on yourself? And how much weight are you putting on what their

1321
01:11:29.280 --> 01:11:35.440
thoughts and beliefs are about you? Or feelings are about you? And if there's something that's

1322
01:11:35.440 --> 01:11:40.880
starting to surface, because again, like, you made that comment a few weeks ago, and now you're like,

1323
01:11:41.920 --> 01:11:47.440
it made me think Am I sure what you know, he said this comment, and he didn't mean it in this way.

1324
01:11:47.440 --> 01:11:53.200
But now do you see where some of your that anxiousness is starting to come?

1325
01:11:54.720 --> 01:12:00.880
That's what we want to start paying attention to. It might be this is and ladies, all of this is,

1326
01:12:00.880 --> 01:12:08.000
is, as you all get out there, y'all are on your own journeys. Things are going to surface because

1327
01:12:08.000 --> 01:12:13.680
God wants to stretch you. He wants to heal you. He wants to grow you. And so a lot of these things

1328
01:12:13.680 --> 01:12:18.880
that happen in the dating, or the not dating or getting out of hiding, it's going to bring

1329
01:12:18.880 --> 01:12:23.760
some things into surface that God wants to uncover and help you heal. So it doesn't have to be a

1330
01:12:23.760 --> 01:12:30.880
scary thing. It's actually a very loving thing. So with this, sorry, no, I let you finish your

1331
01:12:30.880 --> 01:12:35.760
statement. Sorry, I'm just saying don't be afraid when these uncomfortable situations happen. Or

1332
01:12:35.760 --> 01:12:41.600
there's like, I don't get this. I don't know why this is coming up. I mean, even y'all saw when

1333
01:12:41.840 --> 01:12:47.520
Stephanie and I were talking at the beginning. She's doing this process and she's like,

1334
01:12:47.520 --> 01:12:51.920
oh, there's something else that's coming up. I feel like I have to get permission. And so

1335
01:12:53.360 --> 01:12:57.440
God is lovingly bringing her to this because this is an area that he's growing.

1336
01:12:58.480 --> 01:13:03.440
He's upgrading us. And this is that marriage preparation, y'all.

1337
01:13:05.120 --> 01:13:09.920
You're going to want to work through some of this stuff. Because here's the thing, when you get in

1338
01:13:09.920 --> 01:13:15.680
a relationship, more stuff will come to surface. It's nothing to be scared about. It's just,

1339
01:13:15.680 --> 01:13:21.440
it's a mature, like marriage is God's maturity plan for us. So let's get some of that stuff

1340
01:13:21.440 --> 01:13:27.520
worked out and let God kind of work through us in this process while we're, you know, getting,

1341
01:13:27.520 --> 01:13:33.280
you know, ready for the Lord to bring him. Right. Well, I did feel really good when I did do that,

1342
01:13:33.280 --> 01:13:38.400
because before that I had not spoken to any men. So that felt good. So would you suggest that what

1343
01:13:38.400 --> 01:13:43.200
I did was okay? Yeah, absolutely. I say, I will, I will encourage, I know you were like, I don't

1344
01:13:43.200 --> 01:13:47.920
want to do that again. I'm going to encourage you to keep putting yourself out there. It's

1345
01:13:47.920 --> 01:13:55.520
uncomfortable because you're not used to it. Yes. Like let's reference the gym. If you go in the gym

1346
01:13:55.520 --> 01:14:02.080
and you didn't, you haven't done your leg workouts in a month and you go work a leg, you know, you go

1347
01:14:02.080 --> 01:14:08.880
do a leg workout. Like it, it's not comfortable. No, it's a muscle that you haven't worked.

1348
01:14:10.160 --> 01:14:15.840
So that's what this phase is all about for you ladies. It's about let's start putting those

1349
01:14:15.840 --> 01:14:22.800
muscles into practice that you may have never used, or you haven't used in a while because

1350
01:14:23.520 --> 01:14:29.440
of what things you might've experienced. Okay. I would need a lot more dating coaching right now.

1351
01:14:29.440 --> 01:14:35.760
I'm not dating. That's fine. I told you ladies, you can stay here for like four to five weeks is

1352
01:14:35.760 --> 01:14:41.040
the minimum. All right. If you need to stay a couple months, it's fine. Once we start getting

1353
01:14:41.040 --> 01:14:45.840
into like four or five, six months and we see the growth in you, we're going to encourage,

1354
01:14:45.840 --> 01:14:49.200
cause there's lots of great things in phase three. Now I'm not saying rush through phase two,

1355
01:14:49.200 --> 01:14:53.440
cause that's, like I said, we're, we're starting to see some of that people are rushing through

1356
01:14:53.440 --> 01:14:58.000
that phase one and phase two. We don't want you rushing through. We want you pacing yourself well

1357
01:14:58.000 --> 01:14:59.760
and absorbing and.

1358
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.800
working and doing the work and showing up for yourself, um, but everyone's on their

1359
01:15:05.800 --> 01:15:06.800
own journey.

1360
01:15:06.800 --> 01:15:08.900
Everyone's on their own timeline.

1361
01:15:08.900 --> 01:15:10.140
So we totally get that.

1362
01:15:10.140 --> 01:15:11.140
Okay.

1363
01:15:11.140 --> 01:15:12.580
I'm just a baby.

1364
01:15:12.580 --> 01:15:14.580
You're fine.

1365
01:15:14.580 --> 01:15:20.260
There's, there's, we're all babies at something, right?

1366
01:15:20.260 --> 01:15:24.820
You know, like there's something that we all have, like, Oh, I'm not, I'm not used to this.

1367
01:15:24.820 --> 01:15:26.220
I'm new to this.

1368
01:15:26.220 --> 01:15:28.180
So it's totally okay.

1369
01:15:28.180 --> 01:15:29.180
All right.

1370
01:15:29.180 --> 01:15:30.180
Thank you.

1371
01:15:30.180 --> 01:15:32.420
We're like seven minutes over time.

1372
01:15:32.420 --> 01:15:35.260
I apologize for those ladies that I didn't get to.

1373
01:15:35.260 --> 01:15:38.780
I think it was, Louisa, I didn't see your hand up and I apologize.

1374
01:15:38.780 --> 01:15:42.020
I'd looked down at my list and I saw that I had you as a question.

1375
01:15:42.020 --> 01:15:47.580
So please, please, please post your question in the app or come to the eight o'clock call

1376
01:15:47.580 --> 01:15:48.580
tonight.

1377
01:15:48.580 --> 01:15:49.860
Michelle, you as well.

1378
01:15:49.860 --> 01:15:52.260
I greatly apologize.

1379
01:15:52.260 --> 01:15:53.260
And Janice.

1380
01:15:53.260 --> 01:15:58.260
So if the three of you ladies can get on eight o'clock tonight and ask Ebony, I will shoot

1381
01:15:58.340 --> 01:16:05.260
her a message as soon as I get off to let her know, to take y'all towards the beginning.

1382
01:16:05.260 --> 01:16:11.580
So she gets your question in or go ahead and post it in the app and we will answer there

1383
01:16:11.580 --> 01:16:12.580
as well.

1384
01:16:12.580 --> 01:16:13.580
Okay.

1385
01:16:13.580 --> 01:16:18.940
And again, I don't think I got to everybody's, I see Lolita, you were asking questions in

1386
01:16:18.940 --> 01:16:19.940
the chat.

1387
01:16:19.940 --> 01:16:26.260
So if you still have those questions and would like me or Ebony to address it to, please,

1388
01:16:26.260 --> 01:16:31.820
please, please go ahead and put that in the app.

1389
01:16:31.820 --> 01:16:37.300
I see Stephanie, you asked another question.

1390
01:16:37.300 --> 01:16:39.340
Yours is more about like, okay, my personal stuff.

1391
01:16:39.340 --> 01:16:44.100
So how were you able to see, get to see who your husband was?

1392
01:16:44.100 --> 01:16:50.460
Did you really like him during the phase you talked with him, not until you met him?

1393
01:16:50.460 --> 01:16:53.380
So again, it was more of a, it's a yes until it's no.

1394
01:16:53.380 --> 01:16:55.820
Jackie had to literally talk me off a ledge.

1395
01:16:56.380 --> 01:17:02.660
She's like, girl, go out on the date because I was ready to ask them before I met him.

1396
01:17:02.660 --> 01:17:05.100
And so, but he had a lot of really good qualities.

1397
01:17:05.100 --> 01:17:07.700
He had a lot of things that intrigued me.

1398
01:17:07.700 --> 01:17:11.700
I didn't think he was physically attractive, but I didn't think he was hideous either.

1399
01:17:11.700 --> 01:17:16.380
He just wasn't a guy that I was like, I will see in a room and think, oh, I want to get

1400
01:17:16.380 --> 01:17:17.380
to know him.

1401
01:17:17.380 --> 01:17:18.380
He's hot.

1402
01:17:18.380 --> 01:17:19.380
Like it wasn't like that.

1403
01:17:19.380 --> 01:17:22.300
He was, he was a decent looking guy.

1404
01:17:22.300 --> 01:17:25.340
I didn't think he was, like I said, I didn't think he was hideous, but there were some

1405
01:17:25.860 --> 01:17:27.500
things like he deep dived with me.

1406
01:17:27.500 --> 01:17:33.460
He asked me some, you know, he, he kind of overshared some personal stuff that I thought,

1407
01:17:33.460 --> 01:17:34.460
whoa.

1408
01:17:34.460 --> 01:17:35.460
Okay.

1409
01:17:35.460 --> 01:17:36.460
And I know ladies get that all the time.

1410
01:17:36.460 --> 01:17:41.180
They're like, he was telling me all this, or he asked me these questions and we're not

1411
01:17:41.180 --> 01:17:42.180
supposed to.

1412
01:17:42.180 --> 01:17:45.940
And like, women want to ask the men, because that's what we tell you guys not to do that.

1413
01:17:45.940 --> 01:17:50.980
But remember those men do not have Jackie and coaches like us.

1414
01:17:50.980 --> 01:17:51.980
So they're not aware.

1415
01:17:51.980 --> 01:17:59.020
So I extended grace and I, again, I came in community, I kind of talked through it.

1416
01:17:59.020 --> 01:18:01.940
Jackie was just like, go on the date.

1417
01:18:01.940 --> 01:18:07.820
And I, I enjoyed myself on the first date because he was visiting, he was here for work

1418
01:18:07.820 --> 01:18:09.780
for in Florida for work.

1419
01:18:09.780 --> 01:18:11.500
And we went out the next night.

1420
01:18:11.500 --> 01:18:15.420
And then I think we took one night off and then right before he flew back, we went out

1421
01:18:15.420 --> 01:18:16.420
a third time.

1422
01:18:16.420 --> 01:18:20.740
So we had three dates in like four days.

1423
01:18:20.740 --> 01:18:27.100
And then two weeks later, he flew back out, we spent some more time together.

1424
01:18:27.100 --> 01:18:35.220
And so long distance wise, we were, we did not go more than I think six weeks from seeing

1425
01:18:35.220 --> 01:18:36.220
each other.

1426
01:18:36.220 --> 01:18:43.060
So he flew out, luckily for him, he was working in the area that I was living in.

1427
01:18:43.060 --> 01:18:47.140
So he was like an hour, his work was an hour away from where I lived.

1428
01:18:47.140 --> 01:18:53.220
And then I think one, two, three, I think there was three times that I came to visit

1429
01:18:53.220 --> 01:18:54.220
him.

1430
01:18:54.220 --> 01:18:59.940
And so that's, that's kind of the quick end of it.

1431
01:18:59.940 --> 01:19:00.940
Okay.

1432
01:19:00.940 --> 01:19:06.900
But again, y'all have, God has your love story written for you.

1433
01:19:06.900 --> 01:19:11.580
My love story was, will be different than some of you.

1434
01:19:11.580 --> 01:19:16.740
My love story will be similar for some of you, but we all have our own unique love stories.

1435
01:19:17.340 --> 01:19:18.340
Okay.

1436
01:19:18.340 --> 01:19:23.420
I just, I share it because, and we, in our community in phase three, we do love story

1437
01:19:23.420 --> 01:19:24.420
sessions.

1438
01:19:24.420 --> 01:19:31.620
So we, we pull previous people that were in the community that are now married and people

1439
01:19:31.620 --> 01:19:32.940
share their love stories there.

1440
01:19:32.940 --> 01:19:39.940
So we do that just to help encourage you, you ladies with love stories and give you

1441
01:19:39.940 --> 01:19:41.700
inspiration and encouragement.

1442
01:19:41.700 --> 01:19:48.420
So, so you're trying to figure out how to ask people, I say, as long as they don't have

1443
01:19:48.420 --> 01:19:51.500
any glaring red flags, give them two to three dates.

1444
01:19:51.500 --> 01:19:52.500
Okay.

1445
01:19:52.500 --> 01:19:55.900
Again, you're doing a great job coming and processing with us.

1446
01:19:55.900 --> 01:19:58.180
You know, we're going to ask you hard questions at time.

1447
01:19:58.180 --> 01:20:00.020
I mean, I.

1448
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:01.760
I think I'm notorious for that.

1449
01:20:01.760 --> 01:20:03.360
I don't know if you ladies feel the same way,

1450
01:20:03.360 --> 01:20:07.240
but I'm always asking you, well, why did you do this?

1451
01:20:07.240 --> 01:20:08.440
Why didn't you do this?

1452
01:20:08.440 --> 01:20:10.200
But that's what we're here for.

1453
01:20:10.200 --> 01:20:11.960
We're here to help you kind of process

1454
01:20:11.960 --> 01:20:12.840
through some of that stuff.

1455
01:20:12.840 --> 01:20:17.600
So I would rather you ladies ask a bunch of questions

1456
01:20:17.600 --> 01:20:22.600
than not come into our app and respond at all.

1457
01:20:22.920 --> 01:20:26.800
And maybe throw a post up every once,

1458
01:20:27.120 --> 01:20:30.480
once every two or three weeks.

1459
01:20:31.600 --> 01:20:34.260
Let us know, let us know what's going on.

1460
01:20:34.260 --> 01:20:36.960
It's totally okay, it's a safe space.

1461
01:20:37.960 --> 01:20:40.900
And again, like I said, what you put into this program

1462
01:20:40.900 --> 01:20:42.200
is what you're gonna get out of it.

1463
01:20:42.200 --> 01:20:45.360
So the women that I see that have the most breakthroughs

1464
01:20:45.360 --> 01:20:47.600
and the success stories and all that

1465
01:20:47.600 --> 01:20:52.480
are from people that consistently intentionally show up

1466
01:20:52.480 --> 01:20:54.840
and are willing to stretch themselves,

1467
01:20:54.840 --> 01:20:56.720
are willing to get uncomfortable,

1468
01:20:57.560 --> 01:21:00.640
are willing to heed the wisdom that we give you.

1469
01:21:00.640 --> 01:21:02.640
It doesn't mean that we're always right,

1470
01:21:02.640 --> 01:21:05.800
but we really, we have experience,

1471
01:21:05.800 --> 01:21:10.000
we've seen all different kinds of love stories.

1472
01:21:10.000 --> 01:21:11.600
It doesn't mean it's always gonna work out

1473
01:21:11.600 --> 01:21:12.780
the way you think it's gonna work out,

1474
01:21:12.780 --> 01:21:13.840
but it's gonna work out the way

1475
01:21:13.840 --> 01:21:15.340
that God wants it to work out.

1476
01:21:19.560 --> 01:21:21.160
Hey, Jenna, you updated a post comment,

1477
01:21:21.160 --> 01:21:22.480
no one has responded.

1478
01:21:22.480 --> 01:21:25.840
Okay, you know what, I will go double check.

1479
01:21:27.720 --> 01:21:32.320
Jenna, will you, is it under an Ask a Coach?

1480
01:21:33.480 --> 01:21:35.480
Or is it under Ask a Coach?

1481
01:21:35.480 --> 01:21:37.140
Okay, I will search your name

1482
01:21:37.140 --> 01:21:40.480
and I will see what I can pull up, okay?

1483
01:21:40.480 --> 01:21:43.560
All right, ladies, it's been such a pleasure.

1484
01:21:43.560 --> 01:21:46.660
Like I said, if you can go to Ebony's call tonight,

1485
01:21:46.660 --> 01:21:47.920
it will be wonderful.

1486
01:21:47.920 --> 01:21:50.280
As always, she's a riot.

1487
01:21:50.280 --> 01:21:53.260
And then I will see you ladies next week, okay?

1488
01:21:54.960 --> 01:21:56.240
Thank you so much.

1489
01:21:56.720 --> 01:21:57.560
Bye-bye.