All right. Welcome, ladies. So good to have you here. I'm going to apologize ahead of
time. I am not feeling 100%. So if my voice is a little raspy, I think we're probably
dealing with some allergies here and just lack of like energy right now. So but welcome.
I'm so happy that y'all are here. This is Phase 2 live check in for April 15. This is
the one o'clock call. Do I have any newbies on yet? I recognize everybody here. Do I have
any new ones? If you are new and I miss you, I apologize. All right. So we're just going
to touch on a couple housekeeping things. And before I hit record, Stephanie was asking
a question. So she's going to ask her question and we're going to take that because she has
to go on mute here in a few minutes because she's got students coming in. And I don't
typically do that, but I want to get to her question. So and then I'll get to some of
the things that's happening in the chat as well. But I definitely want to touch base.
I know that there was a mishap on the recording last week. And so I'm still trying to work
to see if we can get that replay up and going for you ladies from last week. But I want
to kind of touch a few things that we went over in housekeeping last week. And that was
the Jackie. Jackie and the team, we've noticed that some ladies are we're seeing this rise
in ladies trying to kind of rush through Phase 1 and Phase 2. And so I just want to give
just a friendly, loving reminder that, you know, you get out of this program what you
put into it. And when you kind of try to rush through the program, you're really doing yourself
a disservice. And I say that lovingly as someone who's been through the program myself.
So those of you that might be watching and replay that don't know who I am. My name is
Carla Johnson. I'm a coach here at last year's single for Phase 2. And I'm a success story
from Jackie's program. So I joined her in the beginning at 2020. And after a few years
of being in this program, I did meet my husband and we got married at the towards the end
of 2023. So we've been married a little over a year and a half now. So I've done the hard
work stuff. I've walked through the program and I know where y'all have been. I have been
there too. So that's why I lovingly say don't rush through the process. It really, really
is a disservice. Make sure that you're watching one force video a week and showing up to the
live calls and posting in our community. And just again, we see our most success stories
from those that stay engaged, show up in community, stretch themselves, like that's where the
breakthrough happens. Okay, so just keep that in mind. Make sure that you're checking out
all the tabs in the app and watching those replays and staying as best up to date as
you can, not just replays from our Tuesday call if you can't make it live, but also Supernatural
Saturday that we post as well. Okay, so I'm going to just well, Stephanie, we're going
to take your question. But I just want to before we do that, I want to remind ladies
that have questions today. We don't have as many people on so but just keep in mind that
we need to make our questions short, brief and powerful. We spend a majority of the time
going over these questions and for you. So we want to make sure that we allot the time
for everybody to get the opportunity to ask a question. So if you have more than one question,
that's fine. We just need that second question to happen after everyone's had their opportunity
to ask at least one question that wants to. And then if you make the eight o'clock call
tonight and you asked a question, let the ladies in the eight o'clock group that did not come to
one o'clock ask their questions before you ask Ebony a question. Does that does that make sense?
Everybody cool with that nod? Perfect. Okay, so, Stephanie, I'm gonna have you re kind of
ask your question for the ladies that are going to watch this and replay. And then we can we can
kind of touch on that. But yeah, if any of you ladies have questions, go ahead and put after
hands up. And then there is a couple things that I am going to touch on after we answered.
Okay. Can I go? Yes, absolutely. So I had just said that I'm feeling really overwhelmed. I'm
going on mission to Europe. I have to I have a lot of stuff for my business to get done it within
like a month. And I was asking Carla, is it okay for me to like put dating on the back burner or
to just like kind of take a break? And, um, and she said, Yes, of course it is.
But what was a deeper thing that I wanted to know
is this isn't the only thing that I feel that about.
I have sort of issues making decisions in general.
And part of it is probably my Enneagram 7 personality.
There's so many options, and I just want them all.
And it's really hard for me to narrow that down
and to exclude options and limit my freedom in that way.
So I actually had to ask her permission.
I had to ask you permission.
Is it OK for me to do this, even though in my spirit,
I am feeling overwhelmed and just
knowing that I need to kind of wind things down and put
things on pause for a while?
But that was even the same with this guy
that I was talking to a couple of weeks ago, Carla,
that you commented about, David.
Marissa, he's a really good guy.
But honestly, I wasn't having fun talking to him.
I don't know what else to say about that.
But because he was a good guy, I
felt like I needed permission from somebody else
to exit that situation.
And this bothers me about myself.
Like, where is that coming from?
Any idea where that's coming from?
I mean, typically, that's when I will encourage you ladies
to kind of sit and process, journal,
ask the Lord to reveal times in your past
where maybe you felt like that.
So for example, in your childhood,
did you ever, this feeling that is kind of surfacing,
did you ever recall a time when you were a child
that you felt very similar?
That you had to get permission from people
in order to do what you wanted?
Did you, like, was there a teacher
that you felt like crushed your spirit in any way?
Or a parent that might have crushed your spirit?
Those are the kinds of questions that we start,
as you start seeing these concerns or, you know,
what am I trying to say?
Like, these anxious thoughts or feelings
or these concerning feelings of maybe fear or questioning,
like, what is this?
Asking yourself, OK, when might I have felt this in my past?
Yeah.
And so, you know, where do you feel
most that you need permission?
So is this just, so I'm going to ask you,
do you feel like, is it just in this season of dating
that you feel like in this program
that you need permission from coaches
about any of your dating experiences
or putting things on pause?
Or do you find that this also applies
in other areas of your life?
I mean, I can see it most clearly in this area
because I haven't been successful in this area.
So I don't know, I don't, I guess
I don't really trust myself in some ways, you know?
So yeah, so if you're seeing this kind of come up
with dating, which I'm sure a lot of you ladies
There's also in other areas too.
I mean, I've always been really indecisive and I hate that.
I hate it.
I can relate to you, like I'm the same way.
I just hate it.
I can't, I can't.
That's why I'm like, man, I need a man who's like decisive
because like that takes that burden of decision.
It's a burden like that decision making burden off of me
like I don't want that.
I realized that with my last relationship
where he would just not ever make decisions
and then it was always on me.
And I find it incredibly stressful to be
in that position, you know?
And so I, but I, so I've seen it in other areas
but usually I can come to a conclusion
and feel like eventually and feel like, okay
I'm just going to do this.
But in this area, again, like I just, I don't, you know
I haven't been successful.
So that makes me feel extra uncertain and anxious about.
Yeah. So, I mean, you, you made a comment of saying
like, you know, I don't trust myself in this area.
And so that's where, well, you'll want to spend
some more time with the Lord, like that.
We got to get to what is it that you're believing
and that you're aligning with
as to why you can't trust yourself
because the past is the past ladies.
Okay. And I, Stephanie, I can 100% relate
to you with the undecisiveness.
Even, even with going out to eat, sometimes like
I struggle with that y'all, like, you know
my husband will be like, what do you want?
I'm like, I don't know.
Like pick something and then he'll pick something.
And I'm like, that doesn't sound good.
It's frustrating.
So I get that.
Like I'm, I'm very similar in that way
that sometimes I just want someone to tell me what
I need, what I want.
Like it would make life a lot simpler, right?
But here's the thing.
Like we have to practice being able to trust ourselves
and knowing and trusting.
Because now my next question is what's your belief
about God and trusting God?
Is there a way to trust God?
Is there anything that if you look back, especially in dating, are you holding on to anything
Is there a way to trust God?
and might be still blaming God for or blaming yourself for?
Or blaming God for not stopping me or not, I don't know.
And so that's where I will encourage you ladies to go back to that forgiveness, prayer and
heartwork.
It's been time journaling.
So ladies, I know, you know, especially for those of you that might have just come out
of phase one and you've done the heartwork, I will express to you ladies, heartwork is
never over.
You're going to continue to do heartwork, even in your marriages, okay?
And dating will start uncovering and surfacing new areas of heartwork.
I mean, the good news, it doesn't have to feel like that heart surgery that you went
through in phase one, where sometimes it's, it's pretty heavy at first because now you've
got those tools and skills.
So, but as things surface, don't forget to go back to those tools because, and it will
become more of a, it kind of becomes second nature once you put it into practice more
frequently.
Okay.
So I've been in the heartwork for over five years now.
I find doing my heartwork comes more naturally now and I don't stay stuck as long as I used
to.
It's like when something comes up and I'm feeling irritated or I'm feeling frustrated
or whatever, I'm like, oh, now I need to go back to my heartwork tools.
Okay.
So that's Stephanie.
I know you, you've got kids coming back into your class here shortly.
But that's what I want to encourage you with is, you know, just some of those questions
that I asked you, you know, process through those and then let's start, you know, and
it may be a good thing for you to put dating on pause right now, get some of the other
stuff in order.
And then before you jump back into dating, let's spend some time going through some of
those questions and processing that with the Lord while you're, while you're on your trip,
if you have time to be able to do that.
Yeah.
I think my, my last relationship, I really thought that was like, I felt like that was
from God.
And so I still don't really know how to process that completely through because it feels like,
it feels like a betrayal to me from God, even though I know he didn't, but it was just,
it was a loss.
And after that, that ended, and so, yeah, and I felt like I heard him speak specifically
about it and stuff.
And so.
Well, what I can say, you know, and just my own experience, cause I, you know, I, I went
through this process as well.
I mean, for those ladies that have known me and have been in here for a little while,
you all know that I came to the table with a little boy.
I was, I was, you know, I had a son out of wedlock.
I was never married to his father.
And that was very difficult because I too felt that that was the man that God brought
me.
And I, I had to get to a place where I had to kind of own some of my own decisions in
that and understand that, you know, God wasn't, wasn't trying to hurt me.
He was there with me.
He's, he, he turned a lot of some of those sour things for my good.
And so I had to get to a place where I could, you know, forgive God, forgive myself, forgive
my son's father.
And I had to work through that and I did that in heart work as well.
And so, and, and then, I mean, it's easier, it's easier for me to say it because I'm on
the other side, but ladies, when you do meet that spirit mate and you get married, it will
all make sense.
puzzle pieces come together and you do realize that, you know, we're not, you know, we're
not free from trial and tribble tribulations, you know, just because we're believers.
If on, you know, if I'm honestly speaking, a lot of times it's us believers that kind
of feel like we go through a little tougher situation because of, you know, what we, what
we, you know, believe and things like that.
So, but what I will say, how did you, how did you let go of that?
How did you let go of like feeling like this person was from God?
Because I felt yesterday, like Jesus was telling me, like, you keep insisting on carrying this,
like I had to come to a realization that I was, I, I had to come to a realization is
I was, I had to take ownership of some of my actions.
And what, when I felt like he was from God, I wanted what I wanted and I wasn't willing
to look at red flags. And I put myself in situations that I
contributed to. And it wasn't God's fault. It was me taking
things into my own hands because I wanted to fill a void. Yeah, I
wanted to put a man in G in the hole for Jesus. Right. And so I
had to own that. And I had to forgive myself for that. And I
had to understand like why I did that. What was I really seeking
in it when I didn't and it didn't it didn't mean to come
from I didn't need to feel shame or guilt. Yeah, but God then
when I kind of came to that realization, and I spent a lot
of time with the Lord. He's like, he showed sort of he
started to show me his love for me. And I was like, I didn't
need to be angry with myself. I didn't need to be angry with
God. I didn't need to be angry with my son's dad. I didn't know
what I didn't know.
That's that's the thing. Right? I didn't know all the stuff that
I learned since then, you know, in her work, being so fast and
all the things you know.
And I mean, and you know, ladies, a lot of times we just
want to feel loved, right? We want to be loved. And I had to
realize, I had to receive God's love for me. Because a lot of
times I didn't believe that he loved me, because I didn't love
myself. And so that's what the heartwork really helped me get
through and process. Because I was never going to receive the
gift of a husband, if I wasn't willing to really understand
what love was, that was my journey. And so that was really
important for me to kind of grasp and work through. Okay, I
hope that gives you encouragement, Stephanie.
Yeah, it does. It does. I think I've kind of been feeling like
I'd like to read through the book again. And answer the
question.
Well, just because when I did it the first time I was, this thing
with this man was still not ended. Yeah, it was just this
really weird purgatory season that like, there wasn't a yes or
no. So I process things a lot differently than I would now
that it's like totally over, you know,
did you break soul ties with that with them?
I tried like three times. I don't know, like, maybe I wasn't
like super sincere about it or something. I don't know. At
first, it didn't really seem to work. But
when you when you ask the Lord to take that, are you asking him
to give you something in return?
No.
Try that. Okay, that's worked for me. Okay. Like, okay, God,
I'm giving this to you. I'm giving you this person. I'm
breaking this. Lord, what are you going to give me in return?
Because when we hand over a pen, okay, I got a pencil, am I
handing it over and take it it's gonna if I have nothing in my
hand, it's gonna be easy for me to grab it back. Yeah. But if I'm
like, Okay, God, I'm going to exchange this. Now, give me
something else in return. Okay.
That that always seems to help me.
So even try that as well.
What has he told you about that? Like, what would what would he
give you?
Um, there was one time like what came in my spirit was this. I
had for a really long time. Um, one of the kids that I nannied
for, she found a rock that was in shape of a heart. And I
always had it like on a shelf. And so when I was doing some of
that stuff, God's like, that's what I've given you. I was like,
Oh, okay. And so I took that and then, you know, he would just
give me little I call them God winks, little things that he
did, that I would recognize that he was watching me or he
loved me or he showed me something. And just, you know,
when those things happen, ladies, don't take those things
for granted. Sit with it for a minute. I know that life can be
busy and we can kind of just rush through life and but if
those things happen, you can pause for a minute and just
spend like a few minutes. Just be like, Ah, thank you for
seeing me. Thank you for giving that to me. You know, there's, I
would just be on the lookout for that.
Yeah, there were flowers, there were little flowers on my on my
deck yesterday. And there's not even flowers in bloom yet. So
that was I felt like from the Lord. Yeah, it was cool.
There's so anytime you think you want to pick that, you know,
thing back up with the past and stuff be like, Nope, I'm not
picking it up, God, because you gave me these flowers.
Because that has been a pattern. Actually.
I've done with men that I've really fallen for.
So, and it does, it keeps me stuck for years, you know?
So I don't want that to happen this time.
And this is, and you just even bringing all this to surface,
this is going to help you continue to grow
and get breakthrough.
It will be gentle with yourself.
Give yourself grace.
Okay.
Thanks Harlan.
You're welcome.
I got to go on mute now.
Yes.
All right.
So ladies, I'm going to just go through
a couple more things.
I kind of went things out of order
just to respect her time as well.
So before we jumped on,
I had some ladies kind of share about
what they were doing for their activation
over the last couple of weeks.
We talked a little bit about that
and I'm going to go look in the chat here in a moment.
For next week, what I really want you ladies focusing on,
because I'm kind of starting to see this trend
and it happens oftentimes in phase two.
How many of you, when you guys,
when you ladies are starting to date,
you get men that will ask you the question like,
oh, what do you do for fun?
Like, what do you like to do in your free time?
What do you do after work?
What do you do on the weekends?
What are you passionate about?
Raise your hand.
I know some of you have avatar hands,
but if you're on camera, just raise your hand.
Like that, that happens to you,
or just, you know, say, yep, yep, yep.
In the chat that that happens.
And what I sometimes notice,
and this happened for me,
and I saw one of your sisters in the app this week
was sharing like, how do I respond to this?
And so what worked for me when I was in the program
and I was single is I really,
and Jackie would activate us.
She used to call it child play Saturday.
We would get out and have fun on Saturday,
like act like a kid.
And so I don't want you just to do it on Saturday.
I want you to spend the next week
to sit and ask yourself, like discover more about yourself,
because remember, this is discovery dating.
You're not just discovering things
about the guys that you're on dates with,
but you're discovering more about yourself, okay?
So what kinds of things does Ashley really enjoy doing?
What does Ruth really love to do?
Kim, what is something you have so much fun doing?
Like, I want you ladies to start thinking
about what do I enjoy?
This was hard for me because I was a single mom
and I felt like my life revolved around my kid.
And a lot of times I like spending time with my kid.
You know?
So that was, you know, something that, you know,
so that way you can start saying like,
go out and go do something
that you really can enjoy yourself with.
Maybe it's going to the beach if you live near a beach.
Maybe it's just going and window shopping.
Maybe it's going to a park and going, you know,
with a book and reading outside with a novel.
Maybe it's going to a coffee shop and people watching.
Maybe it's going rollerblading.
Maybe it's, you know, taking a new, like a cooking class.
Like, what are some things that you love and enjoy?
And I want you to post about those things, okay?
Ladies, I'm gonna remind you to go ahead
and make sure that you're muted.
I think there's a way for me to mute people,
but I haven't found out how to do that.
So if you notice that you're unmuted
or please make sure that you mute yourself.
I'm gonna have to figure out how to do this myself.
Okay, I apologize, ladies.
Okay, so everybody knows the assignments?
All right, and then I want you posting about it
in our group, okay?
Let's come to the app and let's post it.
You can put it under the All tab.
Okay, post pictures of, you know, what you enjoy doing.
You know, what you're passionate about, okay?
So that when those questions come up,
like, not only is it easier to ask,
but it'll, you'll be surprised.
It'll spark something in you.
It'll make you come alive and really like,
put your, again, we want you ladies coming out of hiding.
And when you're out and doing something that you enjoy,
it's just gonna show.
It's gonna be attracted to you because you're having fun.
You're filling your cup, okay?
I'm telling you, it works.
All right, okay.
So a few things that I just wanted to touch on
that I saw in the roll call
is I just wanna just take a few minutes here
to talk about communication, okay?
This is something that is just over the last month or so,
I've kind of really been feeling this in my spirit
that it's so easy for us ladies,
and I am just notorious for this,
to overthink when people make a call.
comment or ask a question
That I really don't have a full understanding, but I'll start overthinking it and like I might even start making assumptions
About something they asked and why they asked or something they said and why they said it
Without really knowing and so I want to encourage you ladies just to keep those practice those communication skills
and
when people or you know, and the guys that you're dating and even just in any
Relationships that you have because remember phase two is yes, it's the dating phase, but it's not just about dating
It's about taking those heart work tools that we learned in phase one and applying it in all relationships
It's you know, so it will benefit you in all all areas of life
So
You know when those types of things come up
I want you guys to be taking notice of that and maybe even asking questions to better
understand
Why they ask that question or why they said what they said
Okay, I see it frequently come up in
When you ladies share about the dates that you're on and like oh he said this and you know
I don't like that. He said this because of this
And a lot of times I'll reply to you ladies. Well, did you ask him?
Why so for example one of your sisters in the community others is I'm pulling two examples
From this week, but these aren't the only two things that I've noticed
Someone had brought up
This comment that a guy said. Oh, I can't wait like basically saying he couldn't wait for the second date and
He was it was her turn to treat
Basically like it was her turn to pay and
So she's like, I don't know how I feel about that. And and you know, we we give gave her some coaching things
But I even said, you know
Maybe ask him about it. Like hey, what's your what's your thought on on men and women and dating and you know
Who pays and stuff get some better understanding of why they believe what they believe?
Okay, it doesn't mean that you're wrong and they're and they're right or they're or they're right and you're wrong
It's just getting new perspective. You know, I
Personally when I was in this program
Desired for the men to pay and Jackie encourages that y'all
The men to pay for those dates now, they don't have to be elaborate expensive dates
It's also why we encourage you ladies to kind of you know
Give
Ideas to the men of things to do and make suggestions that are not expensive
go do things that don't have to cost like that don't cost a lot of money because you never know what the
guys financial situation is
but
You know
Ask more questions
I'm getting back to just asking more questions of why they feel the way they feel you might learn something new and then
You might be able to share your perspective
Okay, and then you can come back in our group and you can tell us why they think that and then we can kind of
Unpack that together
There was another situation that a gentleman was asking one of your sisters in the community. He had asked her a couple of times about
If she had children and when she you know, she'd already answered that I think previous and so when she answered again
he was very silent and
So she was sharing like well
I really like being around children and he was really silent and it kind of threw her off
She didn't really like that. I would
Kindly just say, you know
Yeah, I I don't have children. I'm curious like is that is that a non-negotiable for you?
Ask the question
What's the reason he's he's asking that question? Why does he want to know?
Whether or not you have children is it because he I mean, here's the thing it could be because he was dating someone
That never shared that they had children before and it took him by surprise
You just never know why they most of the time people ask questions because something happened to them in the past they didn't like
Or they liked and that's why they're asking you the question. Does that make sense?
So again, I'm just I'm saying all this stuff is just don't be afraid to have commute like communicate with men
and in any relationship whether it's a co-worker a
friend a
family member
Let's just be mindful that and the last thing I'm gonna touch on and then we're gonna open back up for questions as I go
Through the chats as well is those video calls in the early stages?
In the early stages
Okay, we really encourage you ladies
To get on a video call or in-person date within the week of having some
Exchanges back and forth through an app or you know, maybe you've met them through a friend and you've been texting
Get those live dates or get a video chat
Okay
Especially when it's long distance, so I don't know if any of you ladies got a chance to go to the special session
last tuesday night with jackie
If you didn't it's in replay, please watch it
But I do recall her expressing
that if you are
On let's say you're on the apps and you're open to long distance dating
She shared that she encourages you all
To get an in-person meetup with someone long distance within three weeks
Now she changed this a little bit because when I was in the program, she said six weeks
So I would say between three and six weeks
But when she said that I was like, you know what my husband and I were long distance
And I met him he flew to come see me
three weeks after we had been
chatting
So the reason we do that is because especially with long distance is
If you're having these
Exchanges through text you're not seeing facial expression. You're not hearing tone
You're not even seeing if the person is actually who they say they are
So and i'm not saying that to scare you ladies like to like oh my gosh, like what if people are not who they are
Um, it does happen. Okay, we have to be real about that. It does happen. There are scammers out there
There's you know catfishing and all that kind of stuff
but
We also say because you don't want to build this emotional bond with someone that you really haven't had a face-to-face interaction with
And we really don't want you having these emotional bonds
Early in the early stages of level two. Anyway, that's why we tell you not to deep dive
Okay
now if someone refuses
To have a video chat with you
You might mention it and they kind of then you kind of get sidetracked and they never follow up with it
You know drop it again
um
But if they continue to keep refusing
Ladies, it's okay to say hey
If i'm going to continue to move forward getting to know you i'm going to need a video call
within the week
If you're not comfortable with that, I understand it does it is a little awkward but in this day and age
It's really important that I see who i'm speaking to
You can be real with them because the reality is there are catfishers out there
and any guy
That's going to want to honor and respect you as a woman
Will oblige if he wants to continue to get to know you
I would just encourage like don't come off harsh. Okay, we don't have to be sharp about it
We want to be feminine in our response soft
But we can have a boundary there and say look it's really important for me
To know who i'm speaking to and see facial interaction
And know who i'm speaking to
So
It's in order for me to move forward i'm going to need to see who you are
Especially if it's long distance
Again this is that communication piece
It's okay to be honest
We just want you having honest soft feminine approaches, okay?
And I speak that to myself because I
can be
Very direct and sometimes my approach isn't very soft
Especially with my kids y'all
But um or anybody that i'm dealing with like at my kids school or things like that
I have to work on my approaches as well. So
That's why I say that okay
All right, so i'm gonna go through the chat i've got um, stacy lisa caitlin and michelle
I'm gonna write these down so that I don't forget
Um
Caitlyn
and michelle
And ladies if any of you other ladies have questions, um,
If any of you other ladies have questions, um, go ahead and put your avatar hand up to let I see you now, thank you
All right
How many ladies do we have on the call right now? There's three six nine
twelve
Thirteen fourteen. Okay
I just like to know
Okay, and then louisa. She has a question as well
Okay
um
Do you are do you ladies mind if I go through the chat because I know we had a couple
Give me just a minute, ladies, I apologize, because I do want to see what y'all are putting
in the chat.
And I just have been very neglectful of that for a moment.
So Leslie, you were asking about how do we discern that?
Can you elaborate more on what you were speaking about?
Oh, I'm trying to, I see your response.
I'm trying to discern.
Very briefly, because I have to disconnect the number, I have an appointment.
Yeah, I'm just trying to discern whether it's a heart block, or it's just like our previous
sister was mentioning.
So yeah, this is about putting a pause on dating.
So what's what's causing you to want to put things on pause for dating?
Let's start there.
Yeah, so I like, I'm in the midst of recovery after having major surgery two months ago.
That's one.
Two, I'm about to return to work.
I'm also in school, I'm working full time.
So and I am currently in a PhD program, and I have to conduct a study or whatnot.
And I met with my advisor, and she's like, you have 10 months to get this done.
And I'm not like at the very beginning.
And I worked full time of my previous job a whole year, about a year and change.
And it was very exhausting.
I was actually dating someone 2024 and that was completely like unexpected.
But I felt I felt like this rest and just rejuvenation when I was spend time with him.
It didn't work out because he ended up saying he had a lot on his plate, like he was also
working a full time job.
He's developing a TV show, my first time I was like, I think he's lying to me.
But with time, I was like, Oh, wait, no, he's like, it's true.
Like it's it's a real deal.
So he said, um, he was interested, yeah, emotional capacity to have a relationship.
I was disappointed.
I didn't take it as rejection.
It was just like, okay, I get it because I'm in the same boat.
I was starting to deal with health issues towards the end of when we were talking, which
was too long in hindsight.
And I hadn't shared because I just it was just that I was like, I don't know how the
process is.
But he was noticing it.
So I just don't feel well.
And he would ask questions like and it was also like trauma stuff I had to like overcome.
And yeah, in hindsight, I was like, yeah, that's that was hard work I had to do.
But now, um, yeah, now I'm just wondering, like, I'm getting better.
It does sound like you do have a lot on your plate.
So I, here's the thing, ladies, you're in this phase two, and it's we do call it the
dating, the dating phase, obviously, but you don't have to be like full force dating, okay?
Um, what I will encourage you ladies to do is, so Leslie, in your situation, you know,
you have you have the schooling that you have to take care of your working full time.
You just had surgery, you're recovering like that in itself, give yourself some grace,
right?
We definitely want you to give yourself grace here.
And so you may not, you may not be like, okay, I have all this time and attention to maybe
put myself on a dating app.
But in your free time, like, do you have any free time whatsoever?
Like, do you have at least a couple days, or a couple hours in your week, a couple times
a day that you can go do something for enjoyment?
Yeah, so I don't know how things will look.
I'm hopeful.
It'll look more of it with this new job.
On my previous job, I was very adamant of like, all right, Saturdays, half a day is
like sleeping, just decompressing.
Yeah, like, yeah, you want to make sure that you're giving you're feeding yourself, right?
You're yeah, like Sunday, you're taking care of yourself.
Yeah, like, so my weekends, I was very rigid, like, I'm either resting, if I have to catch
up with school, right, then it's like, just half a day.
And then the rest of the time, I was like, I gotta spend time, I gotta spend time with
my community, with family, mostly with friends, my family, it's out of state, they all live
out of state.
So it's not the healthiest relationships.
It's more draining.
So but I so I have my designated people like, all right.
Yeah, I would spend time just again, you're gonna need to fill your cup.
So
because you've got a lot going on.
So take those times, get yourself out of hiding,
go do things that you enjoy,
spend time with people that you enjoy spending time with,
let them know that you're open to dating.
If you wanna jump on the apps,
you're gonna need to make sure that you allot yourself,
like put it on a schedule, okay?
Give yourself, if you have the capacity,
if you wanna do online dating,
say, okay, I'm only going to get on this app
on Sunday evenings or Wednesday, whatever.
You pick the day, you pick the time
and block it in your schedule,
if you have the capacity for it.
But I think what's going to be best
is that you're making sure that you're filling yourself up,
you're not draining yourself
and you're going out and doing things that you enjoy
with people you enjoy doing it with and getting to know.
And again, when you're out,
make connections with strangers.
And so that's what I would strongly encourage, okay?
I know you said you had to kind of jump off
and I've got six people online,
and we've got 30 minutes,
so I'm gonna have to move on to the next person.
If you still have more that you wanna share
and we have time at the end,
definitely, I wanna hear that.
If not, put your questions in the app
and we'll continue there, okay?
Sounds good, thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
You're welcome, absolutely.
Okay, I'm gonna jump to these questions.
I know I got a few things in the chat,
but I wanna get to you ladies that are patiently waiting.
So Stacey, what do you have for us today?
How are you?
I'm good, how are you?
Good.
Well, you may have recalled
that I was supposed to have gone on a date
with the guy that I kind of had a date with
that wasn't supposed to be a date.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, it didn't end up happening.
Okay, did you guys reschedule?
Well, he was wanting to postpone it.
He let me know-
Did he say why?
Yeah, when we went out the first time,
he let me know that he was neurodivergent,
he had been diagnosed with ADHD
and they were kind of reevaluating
if he might be on the autism spectrum.
And so he said, I'd really like to postpone,
my psychiatric evaluation is on Tuesday,
I guess it's today.
And I'm just like really nervous about it.
And so my head just like wouldn't be in it right now.
Okay.
So, and I think that's quite honest.
It's not a no, it's just a not right now.
Yes, exactly.
And I think it's just like all in God's timing.
And I think it's great that he was honest about it.
And I think that would help the relationship out
if it does come back up again, like further down the line
because then he's not dealing with all that.
So-
Exactly.
That's what I was gonna say.
I think that was really awesome of him to me.
That's a good sign that he is,
he's self aware of what's gonna work for him
and he's willing to communicate that.
Because you guys have a little bit of a friendship too,
right?
Like you know each other in community.
Yes.
So I think that is a good sign.
So it's not a no, it's just a not yet.
You're still out, you're meeting other people,
you're putting yourself out there.
So all good things.
Yep.
Awesome.
Well, thank you so much for that update.
Yep.
All right.
Caitlin, I got you next.
Hello.
How are you?
Good.
I'm just full laundry, don't mind me.
No worries.
Multitasking, I love it.
Yeah, so I kind of just wanted to update as well
and maybe just get some brief feedback.
Okay.
Last week, I don't know if you remember me sharing,
I went out with a guy who I was really excited about
and his name lined up with like a word
that I thought I got from God.
You know, I had that.
And then it made me really anxious for the second date
because I built so much up in my head about this guy.
And then we had our second date and it was very okay.
It was, I felt that he was talking over me a lot
and didn't ask me very many questions
and the energy was off.
I felt kind of overwhelmed.
I'm like a sensitive, more introverted person.
Yeah.
At the end of the date, I was like, oh.
No, I don't know.
So yeah, he was, he's just not maybe you kind of had the,
it kind of was like you inflated it really big.
And then now it's on, it's like, okay,
reality hits a little bit, okay.
Now, are you guys planning on a third date?
Like, how did it end?
Yeah, so he, it's funny.
He didn't even say like, I had a nice time.
Would you like to, at the end of the date,
he just said, he said, so are you free?
Did it like, okay, so, but so we're gonna,
we are gonna get together.
Cause so I, in my mind, part of me was like,
I think it's a no, but then I thought, you know,
let me give it kind of the three date rule.
I was gonna say, why do you think it's a no?
Well, I think it's a no because of the chemistry
wasn't, was off.
I think, again, I'm a really kind of,
I like to ask people questions.
I'm feel like I'm a very like thoughtful type of person.
And I like that to be reciprocated.
And I just actually on both dates, I felt this way,
but the first one I brushed it off and I was like,
oh, he's probably just nervous.
But then the second day I was like,
oh, this is even more intense.
So I love what you said about the reciprocation.
I'm a, you know, an advocate for the reciprocation.
You'll hear that a lot here in last year single
is it's more about reciprocation and not just,
oh, is he pursuing me?
No, there needs to be a healthy reciprocation.
Like ladies, the men can't do all the work.
Okay.
We have to give them a little something.
All right.
Now we're not gonna, but we also share with you ladies,
after the first date, let them initiate the second date.
I even say, let them initiate the third date.
And then after you've done that,
you want some reciprocation.
So I like that you're looking for someone
that's gonna reciprocate.
So I'm gonna go back to that whole communication piece.
So I love that you're gonna give him a third date.
You're not asking him completely.
Okay.
And that, you know, get to know him more.
Have you communicated to him?
Hey, like, is there anything you wanna know about me?
Like, what are some things
that you would like to learn about me?
Maybe I'll do that on this.
And if he kind of seems a little like awkward about it,
just be like, I really appreciate and value
when people ask me questions
when they're getting to know me.
And I don't like to like,
and I don't know if this is how you are.
This is how I am.
I don't like to feel like I'm the one
that's leading the whole conversation
because I am a talker and I'm very aware of that.
And so I would always communicate to my dates like,
look, I know I talk a lot.
I know some people don't like when people talk a lot.
So I'm trying to be mindful.
Please feel free to interrupt me.
Let me know if you have any questions.
I'm happy to answer anything
that you wanna know within reason.
Okay.
And so it's just, again, it's about communication.
I will also share with you ladies,
and I'm not saying that you're doing this Caitlin,
but I do know that this sometimes does come up
and I just felt in my spirit.
So I don't know if this is for you
or if it's someone on the call or someone in replay
that's gonna watch that.
We have to be careful
that we're not trying to find someone
that's exactly like us.
Just because we're a certain way
doesn't mean that our partner
is going to necessarily be that same way as well.
There is a thing called complimentary opposites.
We don't wanna be so opposite
that we just don't attract at all,
but you wanna be a complimentary opposite.
And so do you want to marry yourself?
No.
But I also don't wanna marry the polar opposite of myself.
Exactly.
And that's what this dating process is going to be like.
That's why we encourage it's a yes until it's a no.
So as long as there's no glaring red flags,
continue to see like if there are things
that you enjoy about him,
if you see fruits of the spirit in him,
if there are things that you're like,
okay, I wanna get to know a little bit more
maybe why he's like this.
Sure.
Sometimes it's learning the why someone
is the way that they are.
And if we can get that perspective,
we can have a better understanding
of why they behave the way they do.
Right.
Okay.
If I were in a relationship with this person,
then maybe I could communicate like,
hey, will you ask me some more questions about myself?
You know?
Well, and that's the thing is,
this is discovery dating.
So.
Communication is not just for people that we're in like close relationship with.
You have communication with everyone on an everyday basis.
And so, you know, God created us to have community with each other, you know, and to, to interact
with one another.
And a big part of that is being able to communicate, right?
So it's, I think it's a good practice.
This is why I love this phase is because we get to put those heartwork things in practice
and we get to learn how we can do things better so that we don't have those heart wound triggers
and things like that.
Yeah.
Can I just ask one final thing?
It's along the same lines of, so like when you met your husband, did you have like an
on the first date where you're like, there's a yes in my spirit about this, or did it take
time for there to become a yes?
So everyone is going to be different.
Okay.
I will tell you again, my situation is different because we were a long distance and I was
getting to know him over a long period of time and long distance dating is going to
look different than if you ladies are dating locally.
Okay.
There's going to be an acceleration a little bit on, on long distance dating, excuse me.
So the first three weeks I was getting to know him, I was ready to cut and run.
Like I was just not feeling it.
I like, there were things that I'm like, Oh, I think this is a red flag or I'm not
sure how I feel about this.
I don't like that.
He does this.
I mean, there was some of that.
Okay.
For three weeks.
And so when I met him in person, I was actually pleasantly surprised.
I also was not physically attracted to him at first until I met him in person.
I was like, Oh, okay.
I kind of, and I wasn't even so much physically attracted to him as I was just attracted to
his personality.
And I really, I saw his heart.
I saw many fruits.
I was obviously it was in Jackie's program for over two years.
And so it was ingrained in me, be fruit inspectors.
So ladies, you'll hear that from us all the time, be fruit inspectors.
Okay.
Let's, are they patient?
Are they kind?
Do they have self-control?
Are they gentle?
Do they like, you want to see those characteristics come out.
Do you want to see their heart posture?
Are they teachable?
Do they have the three M's?
Are they, you know, divine masculine, not the world's view of masculinity, but God's
design for masculinity.
Are they mature?
Are they marriage minded?
You're not going to find out all of that information in just the first couple of days.
A lot of times you're going to have to spend a little more time getting to know somebody
to determine whether they have all of that.
So, you know, some of the excitement is wearing down for you.
There's some things that are kind of annoying.
Maybe like you don't like spend time understanding why, and maybe again, give it a few more dates,
see how things go.
Be observing.
Okay.
Does he have some fruits?
Are there things that I really liked?
Do I want to continue to keep getting to know him?
And after, if there's after a few dates, you're just like, yeah, no, this isn't it.
It's okay to say, Hey, thank you for spending time getting to know me.
I don't see this really going anywhere romantically.
I want to wish you the best.
And then you can end it.
But we encourage you ladies to spend some time getting to know somebody first before
you do the, it's a no, because we don't want this pattern of just, oh, he doesn't, he doesn't
do this.
So I'm going to say it's no.
Oh, he doesn't do this.
I mean, there will be things that like, you have to ask yourself, is this a deal breaker?
Is this a non-negotiable from heaven?
All right.
I was actually just thinking about this in the car today when I was thinking about my
husband, like, you know, there were certain things that I'm like, I'm, I love sports.
Okay.
One thing I'm passionate about is I have a younger son who is a very huge athlete.
He plays baseball.
He's, you know, obviously I'm biased.
I think he's really good at what he does.
I think he's going to go somewhere with it.
I love being at the fields.
I love being competitive.
I am the baseball mom on the sidelines screaming and hollering, potentially sometimes getting
myself kicked out.
I've not ever been kicked out, but that was that I was a, I'm a competitive sports person.
I wanted to be able to share that.
And I desire that in a husband.
Obviously he loves sports and he likes going to sporting events and he loves going to all
of our kids' sports.
So I like, that was great.
Now another thing that I really desired is I like foot rubs and back massages.
Y'all, my husband does not give me foot rubs and back massages.
You know, but that wasn't a deal-breaker for me, you know, like do I poke at him like oh my gosh rub my feet
Yeah, okay, but he doesn't always do that
So again, you have to ask yourself as you're getting to know somebody now
Don't go up to any guys be like, you know, are you gonna massage my back if we ever get hairy like don't do that
Okay
But again, you have to ask yourself are these deal-breakers and so that's why we spend time getting to know no people
and as long as it's not a
immediate no like
Take time getting to know them, you know
Maybe if you go on another date and still not asking you questions just be like, hey, I'm curious
Is there a reason why you're not asking me questions?
Like I don't want to seem like I'm driving the conversation
Are you interested in knowing more about me or are you shut like I mean be bold ask them. Yeah
He seems anxious and it could be
Saying just give it more time and getting to know him and see how he responds for sure and then keep us updated
Okay. Okay. We've got about 15 minutes. So again ladies remember short brief powerful Colette
I've got you then Lisa and then Janice if there's time I will take yours as well
If there's not Janice, I will have you put it in the app and we can get to you there
So Colette, I see you're driving. So that's why
What's your question, are you able to unmute?
Oh, I don't know if she hears me looks like she's frozen
Oh and then Louisa I have you so, okay, I think Colette we might have lost her so Colette if you can still hear me. Oh
Wait, can you unmute?
There we go, awesome
Yeah, I think you right before I was leaving the office I
You were kind of talking a little bit about it. I was wanting to know about
How long you know, you said you weren't attracted to your husband at first. How'd that all play out?
Well, obviously I'm very physically attracted my husband
Like
Ladies what I will say is as you get to know
Obviously
Physical attraction like you're gonna want to be physically attracted to your husband
but one thing that I learned over time in the 20 years that I was dating is
Personality in someone's heart is far more attractive than the outside exterior
Okay, I'm not saying that those things are not important. Like you obviously want to need to look at your husband
Okay, and and this is another thing. We need to ask ourselves. Do we believe that?
God has an
Attractive person for us like does God want you to be with someone that you're not attracted to ladies
No
Okay, we just need to make sure that we are in alignment with what are we finding? What's driving our attraction?
If someone's physical looks is is driving our interest in someone that's a red flat
We want to look at someone's heart
Are they are they open are they teachable do again? I'm gonna bring up do they have the fruits?
Okay
It took me to two months on the app to
Try and actually even talk to anybody hardly
Let alone meet somebody. I
Struggled and I had to fight that and then so I saw somebody that looked super nice comfortable
You know not usually my type
And I was like, oh I could go out any so I finally had my first date number, you know, 30 years and
And probably my first date really
And so
I
Was like, okay. Well, he's comfortable
You know in a cute comfortable sense and when and it was a darker place where we were having dinner and I'm like
Oh, he's cuter than I thought but then we get outside and I'm like, oh it was only because it was dark
He was a bit cuter
But I've enjoyed I really enjoyed texting with him talking with him
You know, we're gonna go out to dinner in a movie and I'm like just trying to get comfortable with just the dating part
at least
but I mean
So I'm just thinking is there a chance that you know?
Because I went with comfort that I may become more attracted to him later and that and time will tell with that
so and and don't
Know you were saying that you're on the app and it took you a while
Was it because you just didn't find anybody
physically attractive?
No, well, to me in some of my categories too,
and just sometimes some people would start talking to me
and I'd start to talk to them and they would ask to meet
and I would just disappear for a while.
Okay.
Because I really hate the apps
and then I get nervous about bad people.
And then now I have all these young people messaging me
and I'm like, dude, I'm,
so I actually started talking to one
cause I wanted to know, why are you talking to me?
Cause he's like, you know,
so the age doesn't matter to you.
And I'm like, well, no, it's not a big deal, but why?
Why like older women?
I'm curious.
Like, yeah.
And I can get on that curiosity.
I did.
And so I'm like, he goes, I like older women, is that bad?
And I'm like, well, no, but I'm just trying to understand.
Yeah.
I mean, I definitely want you to keep us posted,
spend time like posting the app.
Let us know what's going on
because like you said, you're kind of like,
if people are asking to meet up with you
and you're cutting and running,
that's probably a heart wound
and we're gonna wanna spend some time on that at some point.
So I wanna encourage you to like process that on your own
is what is the root or the belief
the core belief that you're aligning with
or the fear that you're believing?
And let's do some heart work on that stuff.
Like what's that core belief?
And is it that truth?
I know a tiny bit of it is when,
cause the stupid Facebook app
only lets you see people in your area.
And my plan is not to stay in that area.
Okay.
Part of my worry is I don't really worry
about meeting somebody in that area
because I don't wanna get-
Well, here's the thing is,
do you put in your profile,
like I currently live in this area.
I'm open to living in other areas.
Like, are you communicating that in your profile?
No, I probably should.
Do that ladies.
I mean, that way then guys are looking at you.
They know that you have a desire
to move away from that area in the future.
Because maybe-
Maybe someone in your area looking at your profile,
maybe they wanna move too.
Okay.
Well, you don't start hanging out
and spending time with somebody that's gonna stay.
Yeah, exactly.
So yeah, I will encourage you to do that.
And then just, I encourage you
to just make some posts in the app.
Let us know.
And how do I do that?
Is it that just under communication?
I don't see anybody posting much of anything.
So I'm not sure where to go.
So yeah, when you go in the app,
there's gonna be a button that says create a post.
And when you click that,
then there's in that little box,
it's like you can click all,
you can click ask a coach,
you can click wins,
you can click.
Yeah.
And so if you click that and then you just type,
it's just kind of like Facebook.
Like you're just making a post in Facebook.
But it's gonna look a little different.
But I like see something from a coach
every like four or five days.
And that's all I see.
So I wasn't sure-
You have to scroll.
So when you first come in that app,
we, Jackie, Bethany,
I don't know if I have any pin posts.
We post things so that when people scroll,
we got some like announcements,
some big things.
That's what you're gonna see first.
But as you scroll,
you'll see other ladies in the community.
Oh, all right.
And then click on a tab and it will say ask a coach.
And there's like one or two pinned posts
at the top of that tab as you scroll.
But again, go to that and create a post.
Okay.
Okay, because I thought I was in the wrong spot.
Okay.
No, good.
Well, I'm glad you asked that
because I wonder if maybe that was the same,
you know, confusion that some of the other ladies
are experiencing.
So I'm glad you asked that
because hopefully that will clear up
and we'll get more people commenting.
Okay.
All right.
I've got Lisa next.
And then we may have to call time.
And then Michelle and Janice,
I will have you post in the app.
Okay.
And, or if you get on the eight o'clock,
I'll let Ebony know to take y'all's questions first.
Okay.
Lisa, are you able to unmute?
I know you're working.
Okay.
We've got five minutes.
So I need you to be short, brief and powerful.
Okay.
So I am not dating, you know that.
Yeah.
Yet.
So I did go out with one of my colleagues
and other three men who she knows, I didn't know them,
but I was having hard time making eye contacts with men.
So I thought, you know what?
It's just going to be a practice.
Like I can sit in front of them.
and then talk, I did do that.
And I mean, I wouldn't do that again
because there was no fruitful conversation
and I didn't like that.
Because I-
Okay, so wait, hold on.
So you're practicing making eye contact with men
and you did that this weekend and you didn't like it.
So now you don't wanna do it with anybody?
No, I mean, what we did was I went there at eight o'clock
at night with my colleague
because we had plans to bowl before.
So we finished bowling and then we went
and we just sat at a restaurant and it's a beer restaurant
and they were just drinking caffeine.
Like they were just filling up on caffeine
and we were just talking.
Like there was no fruitful conversation.
Like there was just talking that didn't make any sense.
Like young kids, young college students
and they were like 28, 24.
So they were just having fun
but I felt like I wouldn't do that again
because like, I just felt like that wasn't something
that I enjoyed.
Like that wasn't the fun that I enjoyed.
I almost felt like it was a waste of time.
Okay, yeah, I don't think it was a waste of time.
So then what type of environment
would you be comfortable doing that with in?
Like maybe not going to somewhere that's like a loud place.
Like, was it loud there?
Is it like-
Yes, it was loud but I was just not used to talking
something that's not related to God
and that's not related to scriptures.
Like these men, they were Catholics.
So, but there was no conversation about God.
And it could be that it's just, I'm more reserved
and I haven't been out enough.
But one of the-
Can I be, can I be,
can I pull a little bit of a bandaid off?
Absolutely, you're welcome to do that.
Okay, I'm going to encourage you to practice.
Here's the thing, ladies, and this goes for all of you.
This process at times will be a stretching.
You're gonna get out of your comfort zones.
Lisa, I think this is an area where you're gonna be at,
you're in a place of discomfort
because you're not used to doing it, okay?
And so I think part of it is you're not used
to just having small talk.
You want the in-depth, like tell me about Jesus
because that's your passion
and there's nothing wrong with that.
But it's not going to be sustainable
in a relationship marriage for a long,
like you're gonna have to be able to kind of let loose
and have fun and have some small talk.
Same thing in any relationship, friendships, going out,
it can't always just be all of this in-depth conversation
and it's not enjoyable for you
because you're not used to doing it.
Yes.
You've spent a lot of time on your career
and getting where you're at now and that's awesome.
Now I think God is going to upgrade you
and he's gonna start tapping into relationships,
not just marriage relationships,
but relationships in general
and putting yourself out there,
coming out of hiding, getting to know people,
making small talk,
finding other things that you find enjoyable.
Ladies, it is okay to have this passion,
this love for Jesus, but what else is there?
What else do you enjoy about yourself?
What other things, you know, pour into you?
So the question, so my question
is one of the men made this comment,
I'm 4'11", so I'm really, like I'm not even five,
like my height, I'm 4'11".
Okay.
So he was just, he wasn't,
he didn't make a comment in a bad way,
but they were just laughing and having fun.
Like people were in all ages, 28, 24, 29, 27.
So he was like, well, maybe like stretch your arms
with the huge stretching thing
and then fall from the terrace
so that it will just stretch you.
So like literally no, no,
like it just doesn't make any sense.
Yeah.
Answer just some having fun,
let loose a little bit kind of thing.
And I, and again, I think part of that is
you're not used to that.
Yes.
But like, I know in heart healing,
I've, God has spoken to me so many times
that I'm fearful and wonderfully made.
I love the way I am.
I go to the gym and that tells me that I love who I am
because you only go to the gym.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So, but that actually did keep me thinking
for one day or two that, oh, am I short?
Like, oh, what if somebody like,
would people not like me because I'm short?
Like, would I not be able to find a husband
because I'm short?
So all these questions.
kept coming, even though I truly believe that I love myself. Honestly, I've been doing the
gym for a year and a half now. Yes, yes. But yeah, I don't respond. I think I mean, I just
think you know, just kind of laugh it off when when people are making those comments. But I do
think it's important that you're paying attention. Because I think there was another a few weeks ago,
you even made a comment is someone and I forgive me because it's on the tip of my tongue and I
don't have it. But you you drew it, you asked a question, is someone going to want to love me?
Yes, when I'm on my periods? Yeah, that was it. That was it. So yeah, I, is this going to be
like, I'm just going to have you be mindful? Is this a pattern that's going to start coming up
that if someone makes a comment, or you feel a certain way? What do you believe that people
think about you? Like what? What's the concern there? Where's that root? Do you worry? Or do
you have fears? Or do you have anxiety? What's surfacing about what you believe people think of
you? Is there anything that you're believing that's a lie that we need to add God's truth to?
So yeah, you feel that way about you. But now it's our how are people going to see you? Are
they going to agree with your view on yourself? And how much weight are you putting on what their
thoughts and beliefs are about you? Or feelings are about you? And if there's something that's
starting to surface, because again, like, you made that comment a few weeks ago, and now you're like,
it made me think Am I sure what you know, he said this comment, and he didn't mean it in this way.
But now do you see where some of your that anxiousness is starting to come?
That's what we want to start paying attention to. It might be this is and ladies, all of this is,
is, as you all get out there, y'all are on your own journeys. Things are going to surface because
God wants to stretch you. He wants to heal you. He wants to grow you. And so a lot of these things
that happen in the dating, or the not dating or getting out of hiding, it's going to bring
some things into surface that God wants to uncover and help you heal. So it doesn't have to be a
scary thing. It's actually a very loving thing. So with this, sorry, no, I let you finish your
statement. Sorry, I'm just saying don't be afraid when these uncomfortable situations happen. Or
there's like, I don't get this. I don't know why this is coming up. I mean, even y'all saw when
Stephanie and I were talking at the beginning. She's doing this process and she's like,
oh, there's something else that's coming up. I feel like I have to get permission. And so
God is lovingly bringing her to this because this is an area that he's growing.
He's upgrading us. And this is that marriage preparation, y'all.
You're going to want to work through some of this stuff. Because here's the thing, when you get in
a relationship, more stuff will come to surface. It's nothing to be scared about. It's just,
it's a mature, like marriage is God's maturity plan for us. So let's get some of that stuff
worked out and let God kind of work through us in this process while we're, you know, getting,
you know, ready for the Lord to bring him. Right. Well, I did feel really good when I did do that,
because before that I had not spoken to any men. So that felt good. So would you suggest that what
I did was okay? Yeah, absolutely. I say, I will, I will encourage, I know you were like, I don't
want to do that again. I'm going to encourage you to keep putting yourself out there. It's
uncomfortable because you're not used to it. Yes. Like let's reference the gym. If you go in the gym
and you didn't, you haven't done your leg workouts in a month and you go work a leg, you know, you go
do a leg workout. Like it, it's not comfortable. No, it's a muscle that you haven't worked.
So that's what this phase is all about for you ladies. It's about let's start putting those
muscles into practice that you may have never used, or you haven't used in a while because
of what things you might've experienced. Okay. I would need a lot more dating coaching right now.
I'm not dating. That's fine. I told you ladies, you can stay here for like four to five weeks is
the minimum. All right. If you need to stay a couple months, it's fine. Once we start getting
into like four or five, six months and we see the growth in you, we're going to encourage,
cause there's lots of great things in phase three. Now I'm not saying rush through phase two,
cause that's, like I said, we're, we're starting to see some of that people are rushing through
that phase one and phase two. We don't want you rushing through. We want you pacing yourself well
and absorbing and.
working and doing the work and showing up for yourself, um, but everyone's on their
own journey.
Everyone's on their own timeline.
So we totally get that.
Okay.
I'm just a baby.
You're fine.
There's, there's, we're all babies at something, right?
You know, like there's something that we all have, like, Oh, I'm not, I'm not used to this.
I'm new to this.
So it's totally okay.
All right.
Thank you.
We're like seven minutes over time.
I apologize for those ladies that I didn't get to.
I think it was, Louisa, I didn't see your hand up and I apologize.
I'd looked down at my list and I saw that I had you as a question.
So please, please, please post your question in the app or come to the eight o'clock call
tonight.
Michelle, you as well.
I greatly apologize.
And Janice.
So if the three of you ladies can get on eight o'clock tonight and ask Ebony, I will shoot
her a message as soon as I get off to let her know, to take y'all towards the beginning.
So she gets your question in or go ahead and post it in the app and we will answer there
as well.
Okay.
And again, I don't think I got to everybody's, I see Lolita, you were asking questions in
the chat.
So if you still have those questions and would like me or Ebony to address it to, please,
please, please go ahead and put that in the app.
I see Stephanie, you asked another question.
Yours is more about like, okay, my personal stuff.
So how were you able to see, get to see who your husband was?
Did you really like him during the phase you talked with him, not until you met him?
So again, it was more of a, it's a yes until it's no.
Jackie had to literally talk me off a ledge.
She's like, girl, go out on the date because I was ready to ask them before I met him.
And so, but he had a lot of really good qualities.
He had a lot of things that intrigued me.
I didn't think he was physically attractive, but I didn't think he was hideous either.
He just wasn't a guy that I was like, I will see in a room and think, oh, I want to get
to know him.
He's hot.
Like it wasn't like that.
He was, he was a decent looking guy.
I didn't think he was, like I said, I didn't think he was hideous, but there were some
things like he deep dived with me.
He asked me some, you know, he, he kind of overshared some personal stuff that I thought,
whoa.
Okay.
And I know ladies get that all the time.
They're like, he was telling me all this, or he asked me these questions and we're not
supposed to.
And like, women want to ask the men, because that's what we tell you guys not to do that.
But remember those men do not have Jackie and coaches like us.
So they're not aware.
So I extended grace and I, again, I came in community, I kind of talked through it.
Jackie was just like, go on the date.
And I, I enjoyed myself on the first date because he was visiting, he was here for work
for in Florida for work.
And we went out the next night.
And then I think we took one night off and then right before he flew back, we went out
a third time.
So we had three dates in like four days.
And then two weeks later, he flew back out, we spent some more time together.
And so long distance wise, we were, we did not go more than I think six weeks from seeing
each other.
So he flew out, luckily for him, he was working in the area that I was living in.
So he was like an hour, his work was an hour away from where I lived.
And then I think one, two, three, I think there was three times that I came to visit
him.
And so that's, that's kind of the quick end of it.
Okay.
But again, y'all have, God has your love story written for you.
My love story was, will be different than some of you.
My love story will be similar for some of you, but we all have our own unique love stories.
Okay.
I just, I share it because, and we, in our community in phase three, we do love story
sessions.
So we, we pull previous people that were in the community that are now married and people
share their love stories there.
So we do that just to help encourage you, you ladies with love stories and give you
inspiration and encouragement.
So, so you're trying to figure out how to ask people, I say, as long as they don't have
any glaring red flags, give them two to three dates.
Okay.
Again, you're doing a great job coming and processing with us.
You know, we're going to ask you hard questions at time.
I mean, I.
I think I'm notorious for that.
I don't know if you ladies feel the same way,
but I'm always asking you, well, why did you do this?
Why didn't you do this?
But that's what we're here for.
We're here to help you kind of process
through some of that stuff.
So I would rather you ladies ask a bunch of questions
than not come into our app and respond at all.
And maybe throw a post up every once,
once every two or three weeks.
Let us know, let us know what's going on.
It's totally okay, it's a safe space.
And again, like I said, what you put into this program
is what you're gonna get out of it.
So the women that I see that have the most breakthroughs
and the success stories and all that
are from people that consistently intentionally show up
and are willing to stretch themselves,
are willing to get uncomfortable,
are willing to heed the wisdom that we give you.
It doesn't mean that we're always right,
but we really, we have experience,
we've seen all different kinds of love stories.
It doesn't mean it's always gonna work out
the way you think it's gonna work out,
but it's gonna work out the way
that God wants it to work out.
Hey, Jenna, you updated a post comment,
no one has responded.
Okay, you know what, I will go double check.
Jenna, will you, is it under an Ask a Coach?
Or is it under Ask a Coach?
Okay, I will search your name
and I will see what I can pull up, okay?
All right, ladies, it's been such a pleasure.
Like I said, if you can go to Ebony's call tonight,
it will be wonderful.
As always, she's a riot.
And then I will see you ladies next week, okay?
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.