All right, guys. Welcome to Men's Heartwork. Monday night, April 21st, 2025 is the date.
So I'm glad you all could be here. There's probably going to be a couple more that jump
on. There kind of usually is. And so just want to say that if this is your first time,
looks like we do have one person that is new. Winston, is this your first time to heart
check? Yeah, I just joined. I just signed up last week and went through everything but
the last two videos for the first week section. Yeah, I'm almost done with that. Yeah. Wonderful.
Where do you tell us a little bit about yourself? Where are you from? What do you do? Yeah,
so I'm originally from Bay Area, California. I lived in New York City for 12 years. And
then I moved to Colorado during COVID. And I've been here since. I'm in the kind of my
backgrounds in finance and mortgages and real estate. And I'm kind of getting back into
some kind of real estate stuff like investing. But I had kind of a long sabbatical, I guess
you could say transition. And then I was visiting. I was on a trip with some friends last week.
And one of our friends we were visiting kind of brought up this program. And so I thought
it would be good. And I got one of my friends who's still living in New York to join as
well. He couldn't be here tonight. But he'll be on next week's. What's his name? His name
is Noel. Okay, yeah, I think I saw that. Yeah. So just let me get this straight. So you're
not in New York, but you're in not in the Bay Area either. You're in Arizona? I'm in
Denver, Denver. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Got it. Oh, wonderful. So in Denver, now you're in
finance a little bit doing some things and getting some things back on point. Who are
the friends that you were with that mentioned last year's thing? I'm just curious to see
if I know them. It's my friend. It's a woman. It's my friend, Alessandra. She's in New Mexico
City. Alessandra. Yeah, yeah. I think she's one of our affiliates as well. She's one of
our students and she likes to. Yeah. Cool. That's awesome. She's the one that told us
about it. Yeah. Super cool. Well, welcome then Winston. We take an opportunity on Monday
nights to gather just the guys, whoever would like to join. And we just do a little heart
check in. Sometimes we have an agenda. Sometimes we have just a chat. Sometimes we go down.
Who's wanting to process something, process a relationship, process, you know, like certain
aspect of what's going, what they're going through. So it can be a little random, but
at the same time, it's usually pretty good discussion altogether. A lot of these guys
are, most of these guys, all of these guys really are kind of our regular guys plus, plus
others. So, um, um, so there's, there's good things to be had. Um, couple announcements,
guys, Jackie is definitely in need of guys to be spotlighted tomorrow night on tomorrow
night's single spotlight. That is on your calendar. That's one of the all community
have, um, at least once a month, sometimes more than once a month, but, um, she's in
need of guys to be spotlighted. So if you'd like to, um, volunteer for that, um, definitely
write in to the admin at Jackie doorman.com and let them know. So take a note, do it now,
make sure that you're getting spotlighted. And I want to encourage you to do it even
if you don't want to, because it's necessary. It's important. The odds are in your favor,
so to speak, even in the sense that just there's more women than there are guys. So this is
your opportunity to just kind of put your best foot forward and practice and like, you
know, just kind of put yourself out there. So tomorrow night, seven central eight Eastern,
just like this time, um, all community channel it's in, it's on the calendar on the app there.
Single spotlight.
Yes.
Is it possible to be spotlighted
if you've already been spotlighted?
I think it was just recently that you were spotlighted.
Is that correct, Andy?
I was spotlighted like...
A couple of weeks ago.
I think two months ago.
A couple of months ago.
A couple of months, about, yeah.
Okay.
I don't know how she's wanting to do that.
I mean, she always wanted to get fresh faces
and that kind of stuff.
But at the same time, I don't know.
You're just going to have to write in
and they'll schedule it.
Can't answer that question,
because that's her deal.
I just was told to make the announcement.
How's that?
That work for you?
But definitely write in.
Don't not write in, okay?
To the email to get single spotlighted for tomorrow.
And then next on the agenda,
there will not be a men's heart check-in next week.
There will not be one next week.
Just wanted to give you that heads up.
So we'll miss a week next week.
And that is how that's going to go for next week.
So I just want to give you a heads up for that.
But we will resume the following week
and get back after it.
Okay.
Kenton, I'll get to your hand in just a moment,
but I want to go around.
Easter was this past weekend.
I hope y'all had a great Easter
and hope you had a good time celebrating the risen Lord.
And it was kind of cool on Faith Friday.
We kind of went around,
instead of bragging on Jesus
on what he's doing in our lives,
typically on Faith Friday,
we use the opportunity to tell our testimonies
with regard to what the Lord did this week,
what the Lord, little breakthroughs
and little just like God winks and different things
and just what, like brag on Jesus sort of thing.
And we did it in a different way.
We took the opportunity to share some of the sort of like,
what was your initial Jesus experience?
What was your initial moment where you really met the Lord?
Some people were like, I prayed a prayer a long time ago,
but it wasn't until this moment or this thing
or this something happened.
I was going through something
and the Lord really met me like,
and I really understood that I was really truly saved
and my life really changed.
So it was just really kind of cool hearing those testimonies.
Some people, they had that initial experience
and then that's how they got saved.
So it's just, it's different for everybody.
I love to hear those stories.
If somebody wants to share that tonight
and if it's really on your heart to do,
I wouldn't mind hearing that story
if you wanted to share that tonight.
But does anybody have a win?
Anybody, something that you came like,
hey, I want to share this on men's heartwork tonight.
You got something that you came with to share specifically.
Not that you just thought it up.
I mean, I'm like, you came with it.
Like, hey, I'm going to share this on men's heartwork.
Anybody?
Anybody, anybody, anybody?
All right, no takers.
All right, I'm going to go with you, Kenton.
You get your hand raised.
What's on your heart, man?
Well, I just wanted to ask the question
is that they started that algorithm system.
Have they, are they still using it now?
Cause I haven't, we haven't heard much more from it
or about it.
What do you mean?
Well, she had the, you know,
the match.
Yes.
Yeah.
That is, that is actually sort of internal for us
to see what matches come up.
And yeah, we're still using that.
It's kind of cool.
Jackie, just about a week ago, two weeks ago,
had a conversation with an app called Arc.
Has anybody ever heard of Arc app?
She was talking about that last week, I think.
Oh, she, she mentioned it even last week
on our men's call, right?
And we are sort of starting an affiliation
with that as a reference.
They want there to be sort of relationship coaching,
sort of a protocol.
Our community, our protocol,
and what we teach in last year's single on the heart work
really fits with them.
They really like the content and they've heard about it.
They've been, you know, they came to us
and people within our community connected with them
and said, hey, you need to really reach out to Jackie.
And so they reached out to us looking for a partner.
on the relationship coaching side.
And then they wanted to partner with us to offer
when we have like as a sort of a bonus
or sort of an add on to last year single program
for our members and new people to get,
I don't know if it's three months free or something,
but a deal with signing up with a ARC dating app.
And I know dating apps are notorious, I get it.
Everybody hates the dating apps,
but this particular app is an app
that is for Christians made by Christians.
All of the other Christian dating apps
or sort of like good dating apps that are like nice,
they're not Christian owned
and they don't really actually have Christian people
with Christian principles backing them.
They're actually just someone who
is really good with tech,
they're really good with dating apps
and they're really good at putting the marketing together
and they see the Christian space as a market share.
And so it's kind of cool that this is really an app
that truly is made for Christians by Christians
with Christian principles.
And they don't make it overly religious and churchy
and just like weird.
So it's actually kind of pretty cool.
And so anyway, we're very optimistic
about what that might bring to the community
and what it might bring to our community
with regard to making increased matches.
So again, we're not in the business really
of trying to make matches,
even though we do introduce people.
So we're not trying to do matchmaking
as much as we are trying to help people prepare
for the time when they meet their significant other,
when they meet their spirit mate,
because there's so many different ways
that people actually meet their spirit mate.
And when you see it from our side of things,
it's like when you, it's just like field of dreams.
You build it, they will come, seriously.
And it is, if you prepare your heart,
we've seen this time and time and time again
where somebody does the work to shift their heart,
to take care of some of their trauma,
to really just step into a healthier version of themself,
step into a more authentic version of who they are
as a son or daughter of God, and things begin to shift.
It happens every time.
It's biblical, it's kingdom.
It's not something that like, oh, we figured it out.
No, it's just, we just grabbed on to the kingdom principle
and said, hey, this is important.
And it's something that's not really being valued
in the relationship space today, right?
Our whole culture is just like,
oh, turn them and burn them.
That's why the apps are so disparaging
is because it's just like, you're just flipping through,
and you're weighing an entire big relationship
on such a minimal inkling of data,
which is like the way they look,
like, oh, not ugly, ugly, ugly.
And so it's like, it's just so dismissive.
And it's just not a healthy, good way
to actually find your spirit mate,
even though, ironically, we ask a lot of people,
hey, how'd you meet?
And they're like, oh, I met it on a dating app.
I'm like, that's amazing.
Like, it's amazing that you connected initially that way.
So there's nothing wrong with it.
It's just how you use it, right?
So anyway, I say all that to say
that that's kind of what we're trying to do.
We're just trying to really be in the business
of just really helping people
establish better relationships.
So with that being said, who wants to dive in tonight?
Who's got somethings on your mind?
You got a relationship situation, question,
something posed to the rest of the group?
I have something.
Go ahead, Andy.
So David, you've talked about
how you and Jackie both have ADHD.
And I've been thinking about my own ADHD
more recently again.
And it's like, I feel like there's not really much hope
for me to meet someone who will be understanding of me.
It's just, sometimes it can be very difficult.
Like all my past relationships ended because of it.
And I'm just afraid that that's gonna keep happening
over and over again.
Well, I mean, I just,
I'm very hopeful to every end.
This may sound really cliche.
It may sound really like, just like basic,
but I don't know.
I honestly believe there's someone for everyone.
I really do.
I mean, we don't really teach the one,
like, oh, there's one person, you know,
like, because obviously the math doesn't work on that.
But I really believe there's definitely
someone fashioned for everyone.
That just, I mean, there's just too many,
there's too many possibilities that,
number one, that that's not true.
And then number two, just the sheer goodness of God.
So don't accept that as,
don't accept that as a rule of thumb.
Like, I'm just too afraid,
as you know, it's happened so many times.
So many incredible stories started with,
I did this over and over and over and over
and over and over again, and then one day, you know?
Yeah.
So just be hopeful in that.
I really feel like your story is not gonna end with just,
oh, Andy can't ever find anybody.
Yeah.
But, you know, attention deficit, man, it's a thing.
And just like I said about, like, you know,
it's not a matter of like if there's a sexuality problem,
you know, like with most men,
it's just a matter of like when and how.
Because as, like I was saying, like as a generation,
we have literally been like sexually assaulted.
And we as a generation literally have been just confined
to that eight second soundbite.
Like our attention span has been, you know, abducted
because of the way we're just fed completely with media
and just the instantaneous gratification.
You know, many call it 30 years ago,
the microwave society.
I mean, it's just really true.
We expect to like, when you go,
how many times have you lost your patience
in the last week, anybody?
Lost your patience at the traffic light.
Lost your patience in the line.
Lost your patience in the drive-thru.
Lost your patience in the, you know,
the internet didn't respond.
Lost your patience when, you know, whatever.
Like, I mean, we're so used to like things like,
why is this happening?
Why is it happening now?
You know?
Yeah.
We're just conditioned to have that.
So like your attention is, you know,
being affected by that.
And so obviously there's things we can do.
There's things we should do.
You know, meditation.
There's all kinds of things we should do
in order to combat that.
And I really feel like spending time with the Lord
in prayer and in just quiet time
and solitude and worship and nature,
wherever it is you connect with God, that's valuable.
You have to cultivate that.
That will help, I think, to sort of bring that,
bring everything back into focus and daily.
You know?
That's something that I struggle with all the time.
I'm like, why don't I do this every day?
I ask myself, like, I'm so silly.
Why don't I do, why?
And like, this is so good.
This is so refreshing.
This is so, it's like, why wouldn't I do this every day?
You know?
And it's just, I don't have a reason for it.
We endeavor to do it.
We should.
We need it.
And we'll still contend for it.
Super important.
Who's got something on your heart, Mark?
David?
Well, two things.
I just wanted to share.
I had a cool joy moment.
David from Vegas?
Yeah.
David headshot his hand up.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Let me go with him first and then we'll get to it.
Yeah.
You can't see it sitting way back there on your,
way back there on your work.
I'm over here doing my stuff.
Sorry.
Go ahead, Henshaw.
I really like that Andy brought up this topic
because being now 50 years old,
basically about a month ago,
I came into a revelation that I probably have it
and I'm still trying to get diagnosed for ADHD
and realize it's caused a lot of problems all my life
with earning income, to relationships, to everything else.
So yeah, but now knowing that it's there,
now I can do something about it.
So that's like a huge win after being in this group.
So I just wanted to share that,
but I'm still in process of mapping out
all the details of that.
So it's kind of like overwhelming.
It's like a lot of moving pieces.
You know, I think Jackie mentioned that like last week.
It's like, I don't know if it was on the men's call
or one of the sessions, but you know,
some people are kind of hesitant to move forward
because they got a lot of moving pieces.
Then on top of that, I feel like God's calling me to,
I guess, like move to,
move to Austin.
So I'm trying to still seeking confirmation on that,
but it seems like it keeps coming up
and I can't hide from it.
So, but I mean, there's a few loose ends
I need to tie up here before I do that,
but it's, you know,
within the next couple of months or something.
So, so yeah.
We talk about, you know,
there's a couple of things coming up here now
that they're now that you're mentioning this
is I think Supernatural Saturday,
Jackie was talking about pruning
and she definitely was on Kingdom Seekers this morning.
Kingdom Seekers is a part of a 100X movement.
It's an entrepreneurial,
sort of kingdom entrepreneurial movement.
And Jackie guest speaks on that every occasionally,
like once or twice a month in Kingdom Seekers.
And she talked this morning about pruning
and it's definitely a season.
There's something happening.
You know, there's an intrigue.
There's a mystery in the spirit, in the world,
a shaking, you know,
regardless of how you're looking at the political landscape,
the economic landscape,
the world geographic and militaristic landscape
and what you're thinking about this and that,
whether you think it's turning for the good
or the worst or whatever,
there's just definitely an unsettling.
Does anybody know, everybody know that the Pope died today?
And I don't know if you knew that or not.
And there's something like in that,
it's just like, I don't know what it is.
I'm not trying to focus on the Pope.
What I'm just trying to say is,
is that these things that happen,
they're significant in terms of their occurrences
and the underlying sort of spiritual weight
that's happening.
And there's a lot of people that are definitely
very spiritually sensitive to like,
why is like in a manifest sometimes in your personal life
to where it's kind of like, why isn't this working out?
Like, why is there just seem to be like this ceiling
or this wall or this thing?
Like, what is like, why is there this opposition?
Why do I like, why am I processing this
the way I'm processing it?
Jackie was just kind of sharing her own struggles today
and over the weekend and this kind of thing.
And so there's definitely something,
what I call current prophetic realities,
which is basically a word that describes
the time and space prophetically where we live, right?
The time and space prophetically where we live today
is different than the time and space prophetically
that people lived in a hundred years ago,
500 years ago, a thousand years ago.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, what is the current prophetic reality
that we're living in?
Even though the human experience tends to be cyclical,
history is cyclical, you know,
the experience of mankind turns over and over again.
There's times of war, times of peace,
you know, all that kind of stuff.
And they cycle through.
And even though those cycles are real,
in some ways we're experienced humanity
the way some other people did in certain other peacetimes,
there still is a current trend of prophetic reality
that is occurring where we live today.
And so like, what does that mean to you?
Like, what that means to you in some ways is that,
hey, what's going on in you, you know,
it isn't necessarily, you know, you just being a screw up,
you just not being able to get it together.
You just like, you know, my life sucks.
We always, as individuals,
that's a very human characteristic
to basically process things through our own filter.
Like my life's not going the way I want it to go,
therefore I'm having a hard time.
And of course, then immediately human nature is just like,
it's my fault, you know?
So we start internalizing that, what's wrong with me?
What's wrong, why, you know, what's wrong with my life?
And maybe it's not me, but it's my life that happened to me.
and therefore this is the way,
this is why I am the way I am, right?
And we have to like, we have to war against that.
We have to come against that.
Part of heart work is dealing with the trauma
that yes, happened to you and happened with you
and happened even possibly even through you
and dealing with that and coming into a healthy state.
But it also requires us to cast off heaviness.
It requires us to cast off and by faith
exchange our weariness, our heaviness
with a garment of praise.
This may not be what you want to hear today,
but it requires us to like, get out of the funk
by either praising our way through,
practicing gratitude, getting a different perspective
on, hey, this really isn't,
a lot of this doesn't have anything to do with me.
I'm just being affected by this.
By the current prophetic reality.
And the word says that I can have abundant life.
The word says that I can have an overcoming life.
The word says that I can have it different.
The word says that I'm above and not beneath.
And so I want to start stepping into that,
not just because I want to be prosperous
or like better than other people,
but because you want to come into the fullness
of who you really are.
God didn't call you to be less than what your potential is.
God didn't call you to be down in the muck and mire
of your existence.
God didn't call you to,
even though that's part of life a little bit,
to walk through the valley,
but he's calling you up to a higher place.
Some of that is casting off the heaviness.
And then some of that also is accepting the responsibility
and stepping into a higher level of activity,
a higher level of responsibility,
a higher level of accountability,
a higher level of, you know what?
This is not right for me.
This is not good for me.
There's, I can do better with God's help,
with the help of Holy Spirit.
I can be more of who I really am as a son of God.
And when you start processing that and working that,
and that is your work,
then you start really getting some breakthrough.
Is this tracking with anybody?
Yep.
Good stuff?
Yeah.
Encouraging?
Well, from your perspective.
What's that?
Grateful for your perspective on that.
Well, and I think, I hear what you're saying, Thomas.
I just, I didn't, I'm missing one of the words
you're saying there.
Oh, I said, I'm grateful for your perspective on that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, and I think, you know, there's, you know,
there's that song, Praise Before You Breakthrough.
That's one of my favorite songs,
like one of my favorite warfare songs.
And, you know, like transitions are hard.
Like when you're, when one thing's dying
before the new thing's growing,
and like, unless the seed falls into the ground,
it can't bear much fruit, right?
And, you know, I've been in that season for,
seems like forever.
And, you know, and like, just depression is, you know,
every day, like wanting to overtake me.
But it's like, Lord, I'm gonna, like, even if,
I've just like, like, even if,
even if none of this changes, I'm still gonna praise you.
I mean, I was doing worship, writing, you know,
I don't really write songs, but I play songs.
You know, I was just doing worship songs.
I'm like, you know, enemy, you can come at me,
but I'm just gonna praise the Lord.
And you can watch me worship,
even in the midst of a rough season, you know?
But like, I guess, like, you know,
transition is usually, I mean, one thing's dying,
and then for another thing going, right?
And so, and that's-
Yeah, it causes you to start paying attention
to what is dying and what needs to die.
Yeah, yeah, and kill it.
And what needs to come to life, your life.
Anybody have anything that's like that?
It's like, I realize, I'm thinking about this,
like, anything need to die in your life?
anything need to like go away in your life my feeling of being the jailer the
jailer yeah like in the terms of like child rearing my niece's developmentally
delayed largely in part to how my brother and his ex-wife attempt to be
parents he goes over to her mom's house and they pretty much treat her like a
princess and she can do no wrong and she comes over here to order and
structure and resist it by like screaming or hitting my brother hissing
at him hitting my mom and I just walk in the room I'm like hey eat your food you
know in a loud bellowing voice and I don't like doing that but at the same
time I know that that gets results lickety-split with no arguments because
that's how my grandfather raised me but I don't like when I have children I
don't want to be like that ever you know like yeah there's a whole other
discussion we could have on child rearing and I have a thing about that
but I don't necessarily there's that there's a very very fine line between a
voice of authority and a voice that's abusive and I'm not saying that's good
I'm just saying there is a line there is a difference like you can have an
assertive voice of authority I just had my two and a half year old grandchildren
here for a week and I love my kids and I love my grandkids but those little
babies they will run you ragged man and I love my daughter and she is she's
mother of the year she really is she's incredible she like makes like she
doesn't like just prepare food I mean she actually makes the food like she's
really holistic and she's very concerned and she's very like into research the
well-being of her children and she's just she's amazing right she's
incredible my son-in-law is incredible he's a tremendous provider he's a kind
man he's a good husband they're good people but those little babies run them
like they ain't the parents and I'm like man like I ain't like but the what's
funny about it is they literally said because there was one night we like
watch the babies why they went out well over here was hey you guys go out you
know what's watch the babies right and like yeah they'll probably be better for
you and everybody tells us they're always better for people when we're not
around I'm like really like yeah and the thing about it is is just I'm just gonna
lovingly say this on my kids my kids haven't come to the point where they
have well let me tell you a story first my mother raised me with like an iron
fist all right like just like not not abusively but she was just really like
look you're gonna do this and you're gonna like finish your homework and you
like she just wanted to make sure I was going to do all the things I was
supposed to do and she fed me well and she vitamins and you know always made
sure that I had clothes provided for and clean she was a great mom wonderful but
she told me the story when I was about I think three or four years old I was
pitching a tantrum I was pitching a fit I was down on the floor I was giving it
the best toddler tantrum I could do and she said no we're not doing this and I
don't even know what it was I can't remember and she said no we're not doing
this and so I went into this tantrum and she just was like what in the world
has gotten in with you like what what is wrong with you child like why are you so
you know just basically dramatizing your antics here right like was this going
away overboard and I literally stopped in my tears this is what she told me
four years old three years old whatever it was and I said sometimes when I cry
and scream you change your mind and I knew at three or four years old that I
could manipulate the situation with my antics and children even at two and a
half know that they can manipulate you with their antics and it was at that
point my mom said oh no you're not going to be in charge of this situation I'm
going to be the mother and that's she was she became very firm at that point
And she was a wonderful mother in that way.
And so I just knew instinctively when I raised my children,
I was not gonna have those kids.
They just weren't gonna be, I mean, I will pull them aside.
I whisper in their ear things like,
if you don't settle down right now,
I will take you out into the car
and we will have a very serious talk
and you're not gonna like it at all.
Do you understand me?
That was what I would whisper into my child's ear.
And that's what I sound like, so.
Yeah, and they straightened up.
So there's nothing wrong with a voice of authority
that's firm versus a voice of sternness
to be cruel and punishing and just overbearing
and controlling and abusive.
So there's a world of difference in how it comes out
and the love from which it comes
versus the bitterness from which other comes,
especially in parenting.
And if you're not a parent, like a good uncle,
a good family member, a good grandfather,
a good, you know, a good man, period.
And that's what I was gonna-
You don't have to have your own children.
You can just be a good man to other people's kids.
That's a wonderful, wonderful thing.
Like I took my niece to the park.
I said, listen, Melody, you're gonna listen to me.
You're gonna hold my hand the entire time
until I release you to the playground
because there could be a wild dog out here.
There could be tigers and lions and bears on my,
or however the phrase goes.
How old is she?
And she just turned four yesterday.
Four, okay, yeah.
Yeah.
He listened to me 100%, didn't throw a fit, nothing.
When she's around her dad or her mom, she throws a fit.
Here's why, because children not only know
that they can manipulate you,
children are instinctively geared to know
who they can trust and who's in charge.
And it just blows my mind, though.
Especially at that age of innocence,
they're going to trust somebody who they feel safe with.
And somebody who is firm with them,
that lovingly is firm with them,
and is playful and loving and all that kind of stuff,
but at the same time, also willing to go firm
for the sake of safety and all that kind of stuff,
that person, they will trust that.
They know that, oh, this person's safe.
This person has my best interest.
And they're learning at that age,
everything they need to know
about whether the world is safe or dangerous.
Before the age of five, psychologists say
that we literally intrinsically know,
based on our childhood, whether the world is safe,
whether the world is dangerous,
whether the world, all these things
in terms of relationship.
So if you want to know how you became who you are,
go back to five years old,
and kind of think of like, what was going on in my life?
Up until five years old, what was happening?
What was my family situation like?
Da, da, da, da, da.
And probably just be some very, very valuable insight.
Definitely stuff for heart work.
Good stuff, yeah.
Yeah.
Thomas, did you have your hand raised?
I thought I had your hand raised,
or you were just responding to something earlier.
I don't, I can't remember.
Sorry, were you talking to me?
Yes.
Yes, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah, when you were asking kind of about this process,
but David, you just raised your hand again.
Well, I'll go after you, share yours, Thomas.
I just had one question, but it was,
I'll share it after you.
Yeah, so I was reading a book
called The Fifth Discipline this morning
about systems theory,
and it was talking about learning organizations
and how it's not enough to just learn things.
You have to actually like apply your learning
in what you do.
It was pretty painful, I felt like, to read that.
And so I think something,
a lot of things kind of came to mind.
I realized how easy it is for me
to just keep on absorbing information
and not kind of like integrate that kind of information
into what I'm actually doing.
So looking around my room, I was like,
wow, you know, my room could really stand
to be more orderly.
There are dishes kind of like by the sink,
and yet it's easy for me to like sit here
and watch Shark Tank because I think that,
you know, I need to learn about business,
you know, and like that kind of stuff.
So I think, I don't know.
I think that's something, I just,
in the book they said that Harley Davidson,
they have a phrase called AFP,
which means another effing program.
Yeah.
And so figuring out how to not just kind of keep doing that,
I think that's something that needs to die for me.
That's good.
I love that.
You know, something you said about
in terms of like taking knowledge and applying it,
one of the best.
ways that I think anybody can do that is take a body of knowledge or maybe in a
lesson or something and prepare to teach it and a lot of people will say oh I'm
not a teacher or I'm not really a like you know they they think like formal
educator or like even just in like layman's terms like no I've never I'm
not really a teacher I don't teach anything but I tell you what it's a
really good lesson and just self-development to prepare a lesson as
if you were to teach something even though you have nowhere to teach it and
I actually did this before I actually ever became a teacher I was a teacher
for nine years and I was in ministry and it was a great honor to be able to have
been considered having something to say to teach and I taught Bible college for
nine years and I taught high school now that is really really it like you don't
you all don't understand this about me but what's because what you don't
understand is like when I was growing up I mean I was always lost I was lost in
my thoughts I was lost in the hinterlands I was a dreamer I was always
just imagining things and creating things and architecting things and I was
constantly in trouble for that like my parents were trying to teach me to be so
responsible they could not embrace the fact that I was a creative so therefore
in their effort to try to train me to quote be present responsible do your
duties da da da da da da they sort of like would beat out the creativity out
of me or wouldn't let me or wouldn't fan the flames of my creativity they
wouldn't champion oh you're so amazing at this we need to help you get into a
program or a discipline or he said something to sort of enhance that right
I know this now because I understand a lot of things and I've lived some life
and I can look back and see that not trying to hold that against my parents
and I'm trying to hold you know I'm trying to be angry about it although I
was frustrated for a period of time in my life about that because I'm like but
then I realized I can't just sit there and blame my parents for whatever right
but at the same time me teaching me talking in front of people and
articulating an idea and coming across that anything that made sense was just
like never David a little Davy Dorman no he could never do anything like that and
I got into ministry work and I was sort of like you know trying to that was like
I was getting a lot of fulfillment I was doing and I saw I was never in a
position to be asked to be a teacher because I was like oh man that would be
incredible if I if somebody ever asked me to teach a class that'd be incredible
and one day I got the opportunity but I had this inkling anybody have you ever
had sort of a feeling in your gut like you were gonna do something but you've
never did it before but you're like I feel like this is gonna happen to me I
feel like in this next season there's gonna be like I'm gonna be doing this
and such right that happened to me with teaching and it was 2000 when I got my
first class and but I began to prepare to teach before I was ever a teacher and
I would talk out loud to the mirrors the wall to the empty room whatever and I
would be thinking about an idea and then I would just start talking about it
as if I was teaching it as if I was talking about if I was training other
people in it and preparing to teach something is the absolute best way to
learn something and actually have it part of who you are part of your
repertoire to where you can actually sound authoritative on it because it's
one thing to learn something it's one day to think something but then once you
articulate it and try to make it sense to someone else it becomes a real strong
part of like you learn way more like I think hearing and listening and
understanding a concept you get about 20 30 40 percent maybe of the of the
understanding the true understanding of whatever it is you're studying versus
you prepare to teach it you go into the 70 and 80th percentile of understanding
what you're really saying because you prepared the information enough to where
you can articulate it and teach it back to somebody so I encourage you to do
that Thomas and
I really believe that you might have an opportunity
to teach, or train, or use that gift set, that knowledge set,
to be able to help others.
I don't know what that looks like.
It may be a classroom.
It may be, I don't know if it's formal education.
Maybe it's not.
Maybe it's like training in the marketplace.
I don't know.
I don't know what that looks like.
It could be hundreds of different iterations.
I just taught a workshop last week here on campus.
Love it.
And that was your, is the first time you've done that?
Or you do that often?
No, pretty often.
Pretty often.
Love it.
So you're already in the space to where
that's an opportunity for you.
I love that.
And that makes total sense.
And do you feel fulfilled in that?
You feel like you're helping and changing people's lives
by teaching and training?
Sometimes.
I think my family, I feel like my family has a teacher gift.
But we don't really have an application gift.
So I think that.
What do you mean by that?
I mean that, and I want to be very careful
to honor everyone in my family.
So I'll just say maybe for me and some patterns
that I picked up, that there can be things that I've heard
that I can explain to other people
that I don't do myself in ways that
are hypocritical and pharisaical.
Not only in the religious context,
but also in a lot of other contexts.
So I think it's very easy for me to be like, oh, yeah,
well, you should do this, and you should do that.
When my own situation needs to receive some attention.
Well, there's a beauty in that, though.
Because it really does challenge you.
Because in my life, OK, so take it out of the teaching thing.
Say I don't really teach anymore in classes
like I used to.
But maybe stewarding a group like this,
or maybe trying to do a business like we're doing now.
Incidentally, I don't know.
I think I mentioned the wheelhouse last week,
or Jackie did, or I might have talked about it before.
And if you don't understand what that is, I'll tell you.
But stepping into a level of stewardship
requires you to kind of have that response
to where it's like, you don't feel worthy
in a lot of ways sometimes because of that very reason.
Like, well, I'm not that, so how can I teach that?
Or how can I show that?
Whatever.
But it's an invitation.
It's a beautiful thing for whatever you're working through.
Because first of all, you have to realize
that there's a divinity in the skill set
that God gave you for this purpose
that's trying to be worked out in you.
It's not a way to say, you can't do this.
It's a way to say, hey, I need you to do this.
And in order for you to do this well,
I'm inviting you to step into the truth
or the power of what it is you're teaching
or whatever it is you're putting forth.
So it's a beautiful way to transition yourself
into like, hey, I'm not only going to teach this,
but I'm going to live this.
I'm going to change this about me
and I'm going to step into a greater purpose.
And that's awesome.
That's a good thing, actually.
I know, because I know,
and I've struggled with it though before,
because I'm like, oh, how could I?
Because I'm not this and that, blah, blah, blah.
And then, you know, like, even my fatherhood,
I'm like, I'm not that great of a father.
I'm not like, you know, whatever ideal I think of,
whatever.
And then your kids come along and they go,
dad, you're so great.
I'm like, really?
Like, why?
Why do you think that?
Because you're my dad and you're good.
And I love you.
And, you know, there was that one time when blah, blah, blah
and they're like, and it just blows you away.
You're like, I had no idea.
That's incredible.
That's powerful.
And that's just like, okay.
You know, and then that encourages me to step
into being a better father,
being a better father, even to other people
that aren't even my kids.
So I have now a season of life where, like Jackie and I,
we're starting, we have influence with a lot
of young people, not teenagers, but like a lot of like,
sort of like young adults.
In entrepreneur, and this is part of the reason
what we're doing with Wheelhouse.
We have just leased a 2,900 square foot space
that's dedicated to creatives who want to belong.
So it's like our tagline.
playing as a wheelhouse, a creative space to belong.
So there are individuals that have entrepreneurial gifts
that need a little bit more relationship with Jesus.
And there are other people
who have a good relationship with Jesus,
but they need an expansion of their entrepreneurial gift set
and their creative gift set.
So we have a space now dedicated to foster that
with all kinds of things.
So on its face, it's just an event space.
It's a space that people could rent out.
But at the same time,
it's a space for us to conduct workshops,
to conduct trainings, to conduct gatherings,
to conduct meetups, to conduct business,
to actually have pop-up stores,
to conduct spiritual gatherings
where we're really just there to do a worship night
or do somebody's film, what do you call them?
Like a red carpet event, like a film.
Like a premiere.
Premiere, that's what it is.
Montage.
Yeah, to open it up for an open mic night.
So there's this space and it's so cool
because during the day,
we'll have hours that we can open it up
for people to come in and do coworking.
My son-in-law has a coffee cart.
He's gonna be serving coffee and he loves to serve people.
He loves to just make people feel good with coffee.
So he has that heart.
He just likes to make people feel welcome.
And so he has a hospitality sort of gifting going on.
He just loves people.
So he's gonna have that going.
And my son has a design business.
So he'll be running his design business
out of that place in the back office.
So you can just imagine this place that's dedicated.
It's almost guys like, wow, unbelievable.
It's almost like a church.
It's almost like a place where people can come
and gather and be infused with kingdom.
But it's not a church.
You see what I mean?
It's like, what I feel is like the new version,
a sort of a new model,
sort of a new way of doing kingdom work.
And we're very excited about it.
So we want you all come, visit, take a gander.
David Henshaw's thinking about moving to Austin.
Maybe y'all think about moving to Austin.
Austin's a great town, I love it.
It's a great place.
So that was sort of my just way of encouraging you,
way of pitching our new thing
and responding to Thomas's stuff.
Who else got something?
David, you had another question or another?
Yeah, I just had a quick question.
It was something I asked on the last year single app
and didn't see a response to it.
So if someone says that they have,
their love language is words of affirmation
and we are not very good, like for instance, myself,
I'm not there.
I don't think I'm very good at
speaking to someone in a romantic relationship
in an encouraging way.
Should I avoid that person?
Like how anxious attachment
and avoidant attachment don't play well together
or is it something that I should pursue
in the sense of allowing my organic,
awkward self to build?
Yeah, I don't think it should be a deal breaker.
I don't think it has to be a deal breaker
like right off its face
because there's so many other things
that are part of the potential of the relationship.
If you think, oh, this person looks interesting,
I'd like to try to get to know them.
Maybe you've heard of them,
maybe you know something about them.
You're like, oh, I wanna know more,
but you're like, oh, but I don't know how to do
words of affirmation.
So therefore I should just not,
like that should not be a deal breaker from the beginning.
That should be an invitation for you to go, huh,
I wonder if I could learn to say a phrase.
Yeah, that's pretty much it,
which by the way for all of you wondering about the arc,
I jumped on it.
And one of the things I first loved about it
was every single person I've interacted with
is verified as an actual human being,
not about not someone trying to,
you know, yeah, get one over on me type of thing. And so far, it's been organic conversations.
But it just like one of those things, every time I see words of affirmation, I'm like,
Oh, you not gonna be able to not sound like Ben Stiller from meet the parents.
Yeah, praying at the dinner table, like we pray day by day.
I would, I would encourage you, I don't know, we're trying to roll out our affiliation with
ARC. So like, give us a second, because there might be there might be a deal or an opportunity.
Oh, yeah. Jackie, it's a Monday.
Yeah, we're gonna try to roll something else just so so I mean, just kind of like,
put a pause on that. Because it might be advantageous for all of our members to be able to
step into this because, because, because the potential there. So anyway, this one out there.
Yeah, Jackie had said last Monday to just, if you jump on, just get the free membership,
don't do don't pay for anything, pay for anything until they are able to negotiate
whatever it is that we can get for our community. So do easy. Also, other cool news, I'll be doing
a cross country trip to DC for Memorial Day. So I'll probably try to figure out how to make a
straight line from DC to Austin back to Vegas. I know it's going to be more of like a pyramid
or triangle upside down. Herb line, what are you gonna do a forest dumps?
I just felt like running No, I'm gonna get in the car.
Okay. Yeah, no, I so I'm I'm driving out a week early. One of the kids that I used to mentor
the gold star family member when she was nine years old, and I was still in the army.
He's graduating high school and asked me to be there. And it's a week before the National
Military Survivor Seminar for taps, which I try to do every Memorial Day. I was like, okay,
sure. I'll, I'll stop in Davenport, check on the house hunting thing, see if I can
try to get closed on a house before July starts, because that's when school starts.
See some friends down in Illinois, drive over to North Carolina, see some friends there,
some other gold star family members I've known from the past, go to her high school graduation,
go back down to North Carolina for a few days with folks that I call family,
you know, chosen family, not blood family. And then the event in DC is,
well, it's like my birthday and Christmas rolled into one.
So it's just an awesome experience of being around kids without the expectation side of
teaching. So it's just, it's just to me, it's just like pure joy and me being a big kid.
Good stuff. Good stuff. And then on the way back, I have Austin, definitely make sure to
reach out to us. If we're in town, we are going to be out of town a lot, man, between
May, June and July. It's going to be crazy. But yeah, I'll reach out to you. Let us know.
All day. Anything else? Anybody else? All hearts clear, they used to say.
Oh, yeah, I just had a quick question about some of the Zoom get togethers. And so, you know,
there's events, hard check in, which is like the main thing. And then there's like,
a couple other things. There's like the all community events,
um, single spotlight, and then the Sunday Night Prayer, Supernatural, Saturday and Faith Friday.
And so the all community and single spotlight, what are the, are those things that people join
every week? Or is it just depend? I just wasn't really sure. There's a couple different versions
of all community. Sometimes it's a love story. Sometimes it's a love seats. It's kind of like
a hot seat sort of situation. We do the single spotlights. So it kind of rotates throughout the
month. So at least there's usually one of those, one of those types a month, um, in terms of like,
but, but the all communities are like, like, usually every week. Um, not every week,
but usually every week, there's usually something to go to. So, you know, there's about
four or five different lives to show up to every week. If it's works with your schedule,
and then most of it, we have a replay. Okay. Typically we don't do the prayer times in
recording those. Those are just kind of like, because we just do seven days a week prayer,
some version of prayer, seven days a week. Okay. And then the replays are on that.
app, I guess, right? Yes, there's a replay section on the
tab at the top. Gotcha. Okay, great.
Stefan, do you have a comment?
Yeah, quick question, David. So I got online quite late, but I'm
glad I caught you guys. So I have been dating a lady from
this group for the past about three months. And it's long
distance. I've been to hers four times. She's been down where I
am also four times. And I've met some of her. So, so far, it's
going really well. I think, in both our minds. I have met some
of her friends, not a lot, probably three or four really
good friends. I've been to with her to her church. And she's
met a lot of mine, almost everyone that is local. Yeah,
we've asked international so, or experts. And so I was just
wondering, she made a comment about just saying she might
contact some of my friends, ask them one or two questions. And I
thought, Oh, well, I don't know if that actually hurts or not.
But you've you're welcome to do that. And then I thought, well,
what should I do the same because I feel quite comfortable
with her. And I was just I just want to check that with you and
the guys is how far due diligence is definitely a thing.
So also, I'm divorced. She's not. She's we both in our 40s. I
have a young, young son.
Yeah. No, it's, it's, it's really wonderful to be able to
get in relationship with somebody, and then meet people
that know them, because you are getting to know them. And they
know them. And they say wonderful things about the
person or good things, if they're good people, not trying
to hide bad things. But the, you know, the good people, good
friends say nice things about you. And that gives the person
that you're trying to be in relationship with, it gives
them a sense of like, wow, not only do I think this person is
great, but other people think this person is great, like,
almost to the point where it's kind of like, I can't find
anybody that could say anything negative about this person. Now
that's not not always the case, right? Because not everybody has
that reputation, so to speak. But it can be a reassuring thing
for someone to know the people. And I think that's kind of
common, especially for women. They're like, women typically
like one of the first things that Jackie did with me when she
was kind of like, hanging around, like we were hanging
out, is she started, you know, introducing me to her people.
Because the context in which we met, I was sort of entrenched in
a organization, it was easy for her to know my people because of
just by association, it was where we were going to church
and different things. But I didn't know any of her people.
And so she started introducing me to her people, not
necessarily for me to meet them, but for them to vet me.
Okay, from her perspective, and there's nothing wrong with that
from just a just a very casual, like, hey, this is my really
good friend. These are my people that I've known since, you know,
certainly well before you and I enjoy them and I like them.
Doesn't mean that those friendships have to continue on
because a lot of those relationships that my wife had
then, they're not as the way they are now because just things
change, life changes, our life has changed, blah, blah, blah,
all that kind of stuff. What I'm saying is, is that it can be a
source of assurance for people that are getting to know each
other, for them to be introduced to those other people's people,
family, friends, that kind of thing. Family is one thing
because it's kind of like, this is my family, I can't do anything
about my family, this is my family, right? You know, like,
friends have a way of sort of like, hey, this is my friends,
because they want to be my friend. Like, you know, they
don't, I'm saying it's different than family, like family, they're
my family, you know, but friends, it helps to be able to
be like, oh, this is my friend. And I this is what I enjoy about
Stefan, this is what I enjoy about so and so. So it can be
very, very good thing. Obviously, there are some people
that have difficulties with their past or whatever. And so
somebody goes,
snooping around or trying to find people,
dig dirt up on people.
That's probably not a healthy way
to try to get to know somebody,
to try to dig dirt up on somebody
because you're suspicious of them.
That's probably not going to end well.
Regardless of whether they have something to hide or not,
the person starting out with suspicion,
you're going to have to,
there's going to be some reset.
It doesn't sound like that's what's going on here though.
No, no, I don't think it is.
Yeah.
She's been in one or two toxic relationships.
So I think she's just a bit cautious.
Yeah.
But it's very reassuring.
If you meet somebody that's hurt people
and they're like, yeah, I love,
I don't know what her name is, but I love, yeah,
we're great friends.
We've been friends for 20 years.
Oh wow, that's really great.
Yeah.
That says something.
I mean, you don't even have to know anything about them,
but it says something that,
hey, you've had a friend for some time.
It says something about their ability to maintain healthy,
you know, good relationships.
Yeah.
No, I agree.
And we both met our friends,
some are 20 plus year relationships and I'm 15, 20.
So I don't find it too difficult to,
to agree that she is a good person
apart from what you see anyway.
Yeah.
And we've met each other's experiences on Zoom too.
Well, she was here when I visited
and I met hers on Zoom, which is pretty cool.
And they seem like a nice family.
Yeah.
Well, congratulations, you know,
on your getting into month three, four, whatever it is.
And that's really awesome.
Yeah.
Thank you.
It's very exciting, I must say.
Keep us up to date for sure.
I'll do that, David.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
All right, guys, God bless.
Have a great, great night, the rest of your week.
And we'll see you on the flip side.
Remember, tomorrow, sign up for a single spotlight,
email in admin at JackieDoran.com.
Real quick, David.
Spotlight in tomorrow.
And then no heart, men's heart chicken next week.
Cool, real quick.
What's the address of the wheelhouse?
Cause I just typed it in and it showed a bar.
No, no, no.
I mean, it's nothing really to see there.
It's 20,
I'm just picking a point to like drive toward in Austin.
6910 Shirley Avenue.
Shirley, like the woman's name.
Cool beans.
Like airplane.
There's not much to look at yet.
Yep.
No worries.
See you guys later.
All right, see you, man.
Have a good night.
God bless.