WEBVTT

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All right. Welcome, ladies. It is April 22nd. And today is Tuesday. So it is your phase

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2 live check-in call here at 1 o'clock Eastern. I'm here in Texas, so it is 12 o'clock noon

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my time. I see a few people popping in. Perfect. Hi, Megan. Thank you for turning your camera

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on. Ladies, as you gradually get in, please make sure to put that camera on so I can see

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your beautiful faces. So, yes, now I'm getting lots more people in. This is good. All right.

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So, yes, do I have any newbies today? Heidi, hi, welcome. Anybody else? I think everybody

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else. Kim, good to see you. Well, welcome, ladies. So those of you that might not know

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me, my name is Karla Johnson. I'm one of your coaches here at last year's Single in Phase

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2. I happen to be a success story from Jackie's program. I found her in the midst of the 2020

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chaos. And after working through the hard work and being in the program for a couple

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years, I did meet my husband. And so we've now been married a little over a year and

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a half. So I've been around the block here and last year's Single for quite some time.

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So just understand and know that I'm here to be your biggest cheerleader and to know

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that I've been where you've been. And I had many of the same questions and hard work stuff

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that I had to go through, dating experiences, you name it, I probably experienced it. So

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I'm so glad to be here. Just kind of go over a couple replay or not replay, excuse me. I'm

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reading things and not really watching what I'm doing here. I'm going to go over a couple

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housekeeping items is what I meant to say. And then I see Stephanie is on here and I know she

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doesn't have much time, but she has been in Phase 2 for a minute and really showing up. And so

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we had a really good moment of breakthrough, I think last week, and we went back to the app

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and I wanted to be able to process with her a little bit before she has to jump off. And I

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think it'll be a good example for you ladies, especially those of you that are new, understand

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and see how important it is to kind of show up in the program, not just in these live calls,

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but also in the app as well, because that's where a lot of the breakthrough happens is these calls

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and in the app and kind of they work together and it helps us be able to coach you better.

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So just a couple things, make sure that you're checking all the tabs in the app. So your course

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work, your replays, the resource tabs, all of that stuff. Make sure that you are staying up to date

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with one video a week. That's the course content video. That's not the replays because we're also

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going to ask that you watch replays if you don't make it live. So make sure that you're doing that

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and staying up to date as best as you can, especially Supernatural Saturday,

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all of that. So if you have questions about that, don't hesitate to ask. And then one other thing

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I do, I've kind of been noticing a couple posts in the app as well as in the chat in our calls.

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Please refrain from creating any posts that promote or link any authors, ministers, books.

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I'm trying to think here, influencers, pastors, coaches, anything of that nature.

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We just don't have the capacity to vet their library of work and we want to make sure that

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it lines with what we do here at Last Year Single. Also, when you're replying to comments

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in the app, just go ahead and reply to the actual post. I know for a while I was having you ladies

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reply to the actual coach where there's that little reply button. Just reply to the actual

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post. And actually, I'm noticing is we can track it a lot better. Myself and Ebony are able to go

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in on the back end and really see when people respond there, especially after. What will happen

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is you'll make a post, a coach will, especially if it's under an ask a coach, will reply. And then

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if you go and reply to us, just reply under your post. Okay, I hope that makes sense. We

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need to clarify it. We can open the floor for questions here in a little bit.

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Speaking of which, if you have a question today, let's make sure that things are short,

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brief and powerful. All right, we only got about an hour and 15 minutes for the call.

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So if I took everybody's question.

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Jen and each person gave me five minutes of backstory, five to ten minutes of backstory,

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I'm not going to be able to get to everybody. And I really do want to keep true to time and

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also make sure that we have the opportunity for you all to come and ask your questions here. So

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if you could do us a huge favor of being able to kind of just get to your question and then as I

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work with you or if you're ever on a call with Ebony, we're able to kind of dialogue back and

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forth. Okay. And then we can always pull more details if we need it. Okay. If you have more

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than one question, leave it until the second or more question until after everybody's at least

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asked their one question. And then by all means, if you have more and there's time, we will get to

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those. If we don't, for some reason, get to your question, you can always jump on the eight o'clock

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call tonight with Ebony, or you can make a post and they ask a coach section of our app and we

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will respond there as well. Okay. I think that about covers it. I'm going to pray real quick.

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And then Stephanie, I have your post from our chat pulled up. So I'm going to kind of debrief

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everybody and kind of cover that and then we'll dig into that. Okay. All right. So Heavenly Father,

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I thank you for this time together today, Lord. Lord, I just, I ask for your presence to be here.

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I ask for, you know, just impart your wisdom and as well as being a comforter to us here as we

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navigate these waters of dating and newly dating with new material. Lord, I just ask that you

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continue to speak wisdom to us, give us comfort and continue to allow us to be vulnerable and

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so that we can get as much breakthrough as you desire. Lord, just continue to teach us, show us,

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heal us, grow us. In your son's name we pray. Amen. All right. So I got Stephanie's here.

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So if you guys were not on, if you ladies were not on last week, we had some pretty good

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breakthrough with Stephanie where she kind of came to the understanding that she was really

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struggling with the overwhelming feeling of the dating process. Okay. And so, and when is it a no?

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I is, is kind of what I gather is it's a, we always say it's a yes until it's a no.

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And that's kind of where she was finding herself stuck. And so what I want to preface and why I'm,

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I'm pulling Stephanie's question is because I really think it's a good model of how this program

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really can work. And so even when it got uncomfortable, she still walked this process out.

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And because she's continued to show up and continue to walk this process out, we're able to

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uncover more breakthrough for her. And so she, she was, you know, diligently coming to these live

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calls, kind of expressing the concerns that she's having. And last week I felt like we had

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really, really great breakthrough where she's like, I just feel like I have to get permission.

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And she was able to share with us just some of her past relationships and where she was finding

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herself stuck that she was saying in relationships that really, she probably needed to pull out

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way sooner than she did. And so she was struggling with this idea of it's a yes until it's a no,

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because that's where she felt she was struggling the most is that she was staying in too long.

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And so when she was coming, she comes to these calls, just like, I almost feel like I have to

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have permission. And so I asked her lots of questions about that, not lots, but I asked

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her to kind of process some things with the Lord. And she came into the app and process some more.

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And I think we're even getting into some more breakthrough here. And so I'm going to

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just kind of overview what you last shared with me, Stephanie, that I haven't responded to yet.

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And then I'm going to get your feedback on what, what you were able to process with the Lord with

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that. So I kind of started asking her question about where, what, what were some of her beliefs,

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what was it rooted in? And then also to bring up maybe memories, like asking the Lord to kind of

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reveal certain memories to her to allow some of that breakthrough. And so one thing she was saying,

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she goes, so far, she thinks she has a scarcity mindset. So she's not sure where the roots of

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that is. She says she also was never allowed to say that her dad was angry when he yelled

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or to be upset about it. Instead, her mom rebranded it. And so, well, he's just frustrated

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and we just need to excuse it and not be upset about it. So I thought that was really,

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really important. And I'm wondering, I'm, I'm going to.

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continue to go through, but I'm, I am going to leave time for you

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to kind of share what else you've been processing. Then she

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started going into some of the details about the two

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relationships she had in the past. So, and I'm going to try

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to maybe shorten it up a little bit for time. So there was one

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guy, Johnny, who was in a significant amount of debt,

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ladies, like $70,000 worth of debt, okay, from eBay purchases,

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and he was continuing this behavior. And it sounds like he

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was a hoarder. And you even shared that he boxes everywhere,

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about, you know, he maybe had like, maybe two foot wide area

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where you could kind of walk through his place. And she even

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offered like to help him out with that. But then he was like,

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very meticulous and needed to go through every little thing. And

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but it was really stressful for her. So she saw some of these

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things, but she still stuck it out with him. And then she also

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knows he was very religious, that, you know, he, he was

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really religious, but didn't really know the Holy Spirit. And

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that he didn't think women were would are supposed to be

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preachers. And that triggered her as well. So that was that

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guy. Okay. And I'm guessing you were in that relationship for a

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year with him, correct? Okay. And then there was this other

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guy who she felt like she had to be his mom emotionally. Okay, and

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so she kind of goes into where, again, like, he needed a lot of

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like affirming. And, you know, he didn't respect your physical

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boundaries. His uncle made inappropriate sexual comments

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and never really stood up for her. And so again, she stayed in

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that relationship for a while. And then she even, then she

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would 70 what I thought was really interesting, is that you

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went back and circled back to this. What I think is kind of

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causing some roots this you were needing to get permission from

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your your parents even about these relationships in order to

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break things off. And so she needed their blessing, their

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validation and to move on. And so help me walk through what

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else you've processed this week.

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Well, I was thinking I talked with my sister about it a little

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bit because she just started this program. Yeah, so that's

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kind of fun to be able to. So she's seeing things come up to

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and you know, we are only like, 21 months apart. So we had a lot

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of similar experiences. And she just pointed out as far as

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asking permission. She was like, you know that you did you

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remember how mom always like kind of became this other person

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around grandpa? Like she wanted to people please him so much.

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And she was his favorite. And she almost just became this

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other person. And I didn't notice it to that extent. But

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yeah, she was different around grandpa. And she would do

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whatever, whatever it took to get gain his approval and to

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stay in that favorite person spot. And interestingly, I was

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his favorite granddaughter, because I don't know. I don't I

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don't know. But Julia brought that up. And I was like, so she

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thinks it's like a, she's like, they're talking about these

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things being passed down generationally. She's like, I

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think that's something that we need to break, you know, in our

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in our line. And I was like, yeah, maybe, you know, so that's

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one idea that I had. But also, it occurred to me to just with

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asking permission, it's like, I've always looked, I've never

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dealt with this, because I've always thought of it as like, in

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Proverbs, when it says it's just wise to ask for wisdom, you

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know, to ask people's opinions. So I've never really paid

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attention to it, because I've always just figured, well,

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that's just wisdom that Holy Spirit has given me, you know,

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but I think there's like a shade of unhealthiness in it. And even

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as a child, like I was the oldest child, and my mother

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spanked me a total of one time in my entire life, when I was

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little. And after that, I learned, you know, and I was

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very much people pleasing very much mom specifically pleasing,

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it's always been very difficult for me to go against my mom.

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Just emotionally difficult for me to do that. So that was

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something else that I kind of, that kind of occurred to me, as

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well, when I was just thinking about this. So those are a

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couple of things.

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Yeah, so this is this is that process, ladies. So heartwork

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never stops. Okay. And this, this dating process, as I know,

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sometimes it can seem a little scary, but it really is going to

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be another resurfacing, an area of healing. That's kind of what

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we call discovery dating is that we're not just discovering what we like and

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what we don't like,

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but we're also discovering more about ourselves and how we show up in

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relationship so we can heal some of those areas. And so I think that's what,

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you know, is been a really,

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probably a good breakthrough for you, Stephanie,

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is that you're kind of starting to recognize.

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And now we can start unpacking that and see, okay,

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what lies are you believing and what is God's truth?

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I would even encourage you to kind of even walk through this forgiveness

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process, because again,

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I like to go back to what you had shared last week of what I was just,

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you know, reading this.

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I think there's some significance in you not being able to

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voice and have,

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be able to label anything when your dad got angry,

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you weren't allowed to have a feeling or feel a certain way about it.

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Yeah.

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And do you see how that correlates to now in relationship?

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You have to go have someone tell you how to

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feel about a person that you're dating and whether or not you should stay with

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them or go,

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you weren't able to really form your own opinion about someone, because again,

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you you're seeing things in those past relationships that now in hindsight,

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you're looking back and saying, okay,

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these were things that were happening and that weren't, it wasn't good.

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So how soon did those things surface in the

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relationship? And how long,

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how long were you in that relationship where you're like, okay, let's,

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let's take the hoarder, for example.

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He treated me really well, you know, which is again,

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like looking at his good side, you know, I was like, wow,

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he's just real amazing as far as how he treats me.

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I found out about his hoarding about he let me see it about,

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I think two and a half months in or three months in.

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But because it was so, it was so vulnerable for him to show that I was like,

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well, I can't break up with him now. And his mom even was like,

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this was really hard for him to show you. So then I was like, oh, okay,

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well let's, you know, I can't just break up with him because of this,

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you know, he's, maybe he'll work on it, maybe whatever.

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I'm not going to just break up with somebody because they have a yellow flag,

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but where I think we are practicing and what we kind of teach you here at last

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year single is everyone's going to have yellow flags and now it's,

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it's whether or not those yellow flags turn red or they turn green.

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So for example, with him,

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I think you even offering and showing some, you know,

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consideration and compassion of like,

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let me help you with this and the fact that he wasn't even willing to

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look there.

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Well, we did try once and it was too stressful for him. He couldn't take it.

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He was just, it, it really, he was,

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he was just really stressed out because it wasn't the way that he wanted to do

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it.

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Was he ever willing to go and get help for it

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outside of you being the one to help him?

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Yes, but he didn't have any money. So, you know, that's something that you,

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well, I don't know though, his siblings,

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he has a lot of siblings and they offered to help him and he, they just never,

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he just never got around to it.

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I would say, you know, when people really want to work on themselves,

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they're going to find ways. I mean, let's, let's look at this program here.

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Like how many of you ladies have wanted to really help yourself and, and,

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you know, step out of some of the things that maybe you were doing prior before

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this program, like you ladies are here and you're showing up.

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And so it's recognizing, you know, yes,

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he was a great guy. He would treated you well.

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But if there was this one area where he wasn't willing to work and grow and

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work on himself, because I mean, at the end of the day,

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are you going to want to marry someone that's going to hoard things in the

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house? Like it made you uncomfortable, right?

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Tiny houses. Like that's like, I don't do, I can't do clutter, you know,

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at all. So that was, that was really stressful for me.

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Even when I didn't see him being so stressed out about it.

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Yeah. And I want to go back to, so again,

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it's just recognizing some of those things. And so I just want to, you know,

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would you have stayed in it longer if,

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if you weren't unsure of yourself and being able to,

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you needing to get permission or someone coming and saying, okay, no,

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it's okay. Cause this is, this is not healthy.

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And so earlier, I think,

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early as the summer, I was like, yeah, I might need to break up with Johnny.

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But then it was like, my mom was like, well, but why, but duh, duh, duh.

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So she kind of.

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Like, I was like, well, I mean, maybe we can just try it again.

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You know, like, how do I, how do I get free of that?

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I mean, I think a lot of it is going to, again, it goes back to

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more of just processing through it.

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It's recognizing what lies are you believing because of it?

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Where, what's the root of that?

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Like, why, why are you so tied to needing to get the permission and being able to

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create those boundaries and saying, no, I'm going to do this.

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So one thing that just came up, like just reminded me myself.

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It's cause I can, you know, I can sometimes struggle with that too.

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And I was in a relationship with someone that in this program, when I was in this

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program and he was a really great guy and I, I might've shared this story.

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You might've heard me share about him.

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We had three dates.

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We had a fourth date set up, super intentional, super great guy.

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But there was just something that I felt like there was a no there.

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And I was really unsure of myself.

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I had a lot of people saying, oh, keep giving it a shot, keep giving a shot.

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And then I had other people be like, no, this guy isn't for you.

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I finally just had to make a decision.

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I had to be bold and I had to make a decision before I made that decision

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though, I really went to, I went, I went and went to prayer and I was like, okay,

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Lord, I don't really know what to do with this.

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I don't know what you're showing me.

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I was, I was like, what am I supposed to do here?

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And I'm like, I'm going to release this guy.

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And I'm going to end things because I really feel that's

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what I'm supposed to be doing.

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I'm worried that he's going to take it really hard.

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I'm worried that, I mean, I was worried.

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I was literally kicking my husband to the curb.

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Like, I'm like, what if this is my spirit mate?

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Cause ladies, some of you will experience that.

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This is such a great guy, but I'm just not sure I'm there.

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And then you're going to be afraid to kick them to the curb

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because what if that's my only shot?

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And I'm like, God, this can't be my only shot.

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If it is, and I've messed something up, Lord, I trust that you're

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going to, you're going to, you know, correct my GPS, whatever it is.

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And so, you know, that really, I think for me, what, why that was

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really helpful is because I had to be, I had to learn to trust myself

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and be confident that I knew how to pick good men because I didn't do that before.

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And I think that's where some of that stuff is coming up for you as well.

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There's this, you don't have the, you don't have the confidence yet

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because you're like, look, I, I held onto these guys.

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I'm not really, I never know when to keep them and when to let them go.

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And so I think you're going to practice having to build that confidence

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muscle and know, okay, I can trust myself and I can trust God.

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Cause we talked about that a little bit last week too, is do you have trust in

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yourself and do you trust God that he's got your best interest at heart?

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And so I think a lot of this all kind of wraps, wraps around.

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I think there's again, more time for you to process, go to the Lord, ask the Lord,

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you know, what are some things that, you know, what lies are you believing?

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What are his truth?

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I think there's probably some forgiveness that will take place.

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I think it's really interesting that you shared about your mom because

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you're, your mom was the one that was like, nope, you're not allowed.

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She rebranded everything.

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You're nope.

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You're not allowed to say dad's angry.

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Right.

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Yeah.

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Oh, nope.

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He's just frustrated.

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You're not allowed to be upset.

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Yep.

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And so walk through some of that forgiveness that, you know, she didn't

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give you permission to have your feelings.

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And then I think God's also kind of revealing to you this area of compassion

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where you can see that your mom has some, some old wounds to probably from when

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she was younger and why she operates the way that she does, that's one thing I

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learned when I was going through the heart work is it was, it really was a

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gift and I had, you know, heart wounds around my parents as well, and they're

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wonderful, lovely people.

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And I love them dearly.

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I have, you know, good relationships with them and stay in contact with them.

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But there were some heart wounds that were created when I was younger.

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And when I walk through the heart work process and I did some forgiveness with

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them, God was showing and revealing to me that it wasn't because they didn't love

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me, it was out of their own wounds and they didn't have programs like a program

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like this, it was really hard for.

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Like I could just go to them and just I could forgive them with what they just didn't know.

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And I know that can kind of sometimes for people that really do have some pretty deep wounds with

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their parents, that can be a struggle. But you know, God is a God that wants to heal and redeem.

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And he's not going to rip bandages off. You know, he's going to pull things out in layers.

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So just be gentle with that. Okay, that's why we come here, we process through all of that.

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Yeah, and I know you got to get you got to jump off here. But I really do hope this is starting

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to show you like this whole process, like this dating process is working, you're getting some

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really good revealing for healings. And, and I really believe in the in the, you know, coming

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weeks and months as you're dating, you're going to find opportunities to step into confidence

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and make decisions and choices without needing everybody's permission. But I do like I mean,

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but again, I want to one last thing because I did write this down was, I like what you say

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about the wisdom. I also wrote the word balance, that yes, seeking counsel and wisdom is very

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important. But it's all about good balance as well. Yeah, we don't want it to lead you to this

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like confusion, overwhelming state, because that's not that's not coming from God.

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A lot. Yeah, that that confusion and overwhelm that happens kind of a lot. And it might be

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because of that. Because there's so many people that I'm looking to versus open the Lord. Yeah,

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I got a lot of peace on that word about trust that you said. Yeah.

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I think this is Yeah, like I said, I think you know, you can trust God's got you.

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And you can trust yourself. And you're going to be stepping into that,

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where you're going to get to make some confident choices.

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And you can't mess anything up that God has for you.

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Okay. Okay, Stephanie, I so appreciate you, because I know you've been in this space for a

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minute. And you've been showing up, you've been doing what we've asked you to do. I know there's

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been some moments of frustration, but you have not, you've not faltered, you haven't given up,

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you still keep showing up, you you are in the app, you're communicating with us.

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And you're coming on these live calls, ladies, that ladies, this is what this is all about.

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We see the most breakthrough from those of you that show up intentionally, and stretch yourselves.

360
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It doesn't have to be easy. It just has to be worth it. Okay. Thank you, Carla.

361
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You're welcome.

362
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Bye. Thanks.

363
00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:07.840
Bye, Stephanie. Awesome. All right. I got some more hands up. So I'm going to go ahead and take

364
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those. We've got probably about 45 minutes. So I think we should be able to get through I don't

365
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have as many ladies on today. Maybe with the holiday. How many do I have here? Let's see.

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510. I've got 13 so far. Okay. All right, Stacy, how are you? Do we have any updates about?

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No, no updates. Okay. I haven't seen him. So just trying to give him a space and let him process

368
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his stuff. But I've been processing my stuff. In the meantime, I finished the Well, and I guess I,

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you know, I've kind of been having some health issues myself. I have been dealing with,

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well, I have Hashimoto's disease. I've had it since a teenager. And I've kind of been having

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a flare up where I just have like, really low energy and brain fog and stuff like that.

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So that's kind of what I've been struggling with lately. But I did finish the phase two content.

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Okay. So I'm trying to figure out like, I don't know, I, you know, in Supernatural Saturday,

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it really spoke to me when Jackie was like, you know, stop doing and just be,

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you know, and I think that's really what I need right now is more of like, kind of that season

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of rest. And not pursuing like dating quite as much, just to get myself back to a good spot

377
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before I can do that. But then like, so my question with that is like, should I go ahead

378
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and go into phase three, or just kind of like sit here in phase two for a while?

379
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I think once you because you've been here, at least four to five weeks. Yeah. Yep. So ladies,

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when you're in phase

381
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is to you'll be here a minimum of four to five weeks.

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That's if you're watching one video a week,

383
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which is the content that she was sharing.

384
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So we have the Dating 101, the Divine Feminine,

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Online Dating, and Boundaries.

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But then even before Dating 101 is that kickoff.

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It's that love story accelerator.

388
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Okay, so it's a total of five.

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And so we want you sitting with one of those a week

390
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and process through it, showing up to calls,

391
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which Stacey has done.

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And then, yeah, we do give that seven date challenge,

393
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but that doesn't mean you're gonna finish

394
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all your seven dates in phase two.

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Some ladies even just wait

396
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to kind of absorb the information.

397
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They might stay an extra week or so

398
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as they start getting themselves out there to date,

399
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and then they move over to phase three.

400
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But you've worked this.

401
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So I would say, if you're ready for it,

402
00:30:57.120 --> 00:30:58.800
I think you're ready for it,

403
00:30:58.800 --> 00:31:00.560
to go ahead and just send the email

404
00:31:00.560 --> 00:31:04.400
to admin at JackieDorman.com and request that phase three,

405
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because there is really good content in there as well.

406
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We do try to invite phase two at least once a month

407
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or once every two months to one of those

408
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like preview, like loveseat things that we do.

409
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But yeah, I think you're good

410
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because you've put your dating boots on.

411
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You've gotten some stuff going.

412
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So I don't think that it would be a bad thing

413
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for you to go ahead and shift over.

414
00:31:33.080 --> 00:31:33.920
Okay, perfect.

415
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:35.800
I think so, and then I'm gonna speak

416
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to those ladies that are new here.

417
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So if you, again, four to five weeks

418
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watching the video content,

419
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we do want you to have at least some pushing of yourself

420
00:31:50.360 --> 00:31:51.720
to kind of get yourself out there

421
00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:55.560
and go on at least a date before shifting over to phase three

422
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because phase two is a little bit smaller

423
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and we have these sessions on Tuesdays

424
00:32:02.200 --> 00:32:05.360
with me here at one o'clock and with Ebony at eight

425
00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:07.440
where we can help you unpack

426
00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:09.400
some of the brand new dating experiences

427
00:32:09.400 --> 00:32:11.440
that you're having, okay?

428
00:32:11.440 --> 00:32:14.760
And then that way we can kind of help navigate for you

429
00:32:14.760 --> 00:32:19.280
if we kind of see any blinders that you might needing,

430
00:32:19.280 --> 00:32:21.640
other artwork stuff that's gonna come

431
00:32:21.640 --> 00:32:24.320
because as you start that dating process,

432
00:32:24.360 --> 00:32:26.720
some artwork stuff is just gonna surface, okay?

433
00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:29.760
That's not abnormal, it's not uncommon,

434
00:32:29.760 --> 00:32:32.360
it's not, you know, it doesn't have to be scary.

435
00:32:32.360 --> 00:32:34.680
The news is that y'all have gotten through

436
00:32:34.680 --> 00:32:37.080
and graduated from phase one, okay?

437
00:32:37.080 --> 00:32:39.800
So you've worked the artwork

438
00:32:39.800 --> 00:32:42.920
and so now it's just taking what you have learned

439
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:47.320
in phase one and applying it now to dating, okay?

440
00:32:48.600 --> 00:32:49.440
Sound good?

441
00:32:50.560 --> 00:32:53.360
All right, I got Caitlin up next.

442
00:32:54.520 --> 00:32:55.800
How are you, Caitlin?

443
00:32:55.800 --> 00:32:58.800
Hi, I'm okay.

444
00:32:58.800 --> 00:33:02.320
I'm kind of struggling in a situation with a guy.

445
00:33:02.320 --> 00:33:03.600
So I just thought,

446
00:33:03.600 --> 00:33:06.840
wondered if I could get a little feedback on it.

447
00:33:06.840 --> 00:33:07.680
Yes.

448
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:09.120
We'll just give a really quick-

449
00:33:09.120 --> 00:33:11.440
You got excited about the first date

450
00:33:11.440 --> 00:33:14.240
and then the second date was kind of like, eh.

451
00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:15.080
Yeah.

452
00:33:15.080 --> 00:33:16.120
Is this the same guy?

453
00:33:16.120 --> 00:33:17.760
Yeah, good memory.

454
00:33:17.760 --> 00:33:21.400
And then, yeah.

455
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:23.920
And then, so yeah, after the second date

456
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:26.480
and there's also a pattern of like,

457
00:33:26.480 --> 00:33:29.640
I don't feel like he's asking me a lot about myself.

458
00:33:29.640 --> 00:33:32.120
Like I'm having a lot of fun with him,

459
00:33:32.120 --> 00:33:33.680
we have a lot of alignment.

460
00:33:35.320 --> 00:33:37.600
Yeah, but I just was like, he doesn't,

461
00:33:37.600 --> 00:33:39.560
I don't feel pursued by him.

462
00:33:39.560 --> 00:33:40.760
Like- Okay.

463
00:33:40.760 --> 00:33:45.040
And so, but anyways, I decided I'd go

464
00:33:45.040 --> 00:33:47.200
on one more date with him.

465
00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:48.040
Okay.

466
00:33:48.040 --> 00:33:51.120
And so we went and I suggested an activity

467
00:33:51.120 --> 00:33:53.960
because we've been doing like coffee and we got a drink.

468
00:33:53.960 --> 00:33:58.720
And I was like, so I suggested we do something active.

469
00:33:58.720 --> 00:34:01.400
Was this the third date that you did something active?

470
00:34:01.400 --> 00:34:02.240
Okay.

471
00:34:02.240 --> 00:34:03.200
What did y'all do?

472
00:34:03.200 --> 00:34:05.920
So we went bowling and we went to this arcade.

473
00:34:05.920 --> 00:34:07.040
It was super fun.

474
00:34:07.040 --> 00:34:11.400
And I actually like, on the third date, I was like,

475
00:34:11.400 --> 00:34:12.920
oh, I'm feeling this.

476
00:34:12.920 --> 00:34:14.120
Like I'm into this.

477
00:34:14.120 --> 00:34:18.199
And like, I really, I kind of liked this guy actually.

478
00:34:18.199 --> 00:34:20.960
And I got really excited again.

479
00:34:21.960 --> 00:34:24.760
And then, but at the same time,

480
00:34:24.760 --> 00:34:26.960
I didn't quite feel like he was like,

481
00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:28.840
like there were little things with like,

482
00:34:28.840 --> 00:34:31.679
when we're ordering, he wouldn't, he'd order first.

483
00:34:31.679 --> 00:34:34.840
He didn't like wait for me to order.

484
00:34:34.840 --> 00:34:35.679
Yeah.

485
00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:38.920
Just things where I felt like he was not thinking about me

486
00:34:38.920 --> 00:34:41.120
as much as himself, or I was like,

487
00:34:41.120 --> 00:34:44.840
maybe he's just like a little aloof, I don't know.

488
00:34:44.840 --> 00:34:48.040
And then at the end of the date,

489
00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:55.159
he, I like, it seemed like we were having a lot of fun,

490
00:34:55.719 --> 00:34:57.360
but yeah, at the end of the date,

491
00:34:57.360 --> 00:35:00.120
I was like, well, thanks so much for coming down here.

492
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:06.880
he came to my area and um and then he didn't like say any he was just um

493
00:35:08.720 --> 00:35:14.800
he was like yeah have a good rest of your week kind of thing um okay so so has he reached back

494
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:22.080
out to you well then he's texted me the last couple days with like things so i i'm a musician

495
00:35:22.080 --> 00:35:26.400
i put out a song and i like told him i did and he like listened to it and he was like

496
00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:32.240
i'm a suck like he like responded about like he listened to the song and said some things about

497
00:35:32.240 --> 00:35:37.600
it and then it's just our communication's been weird because he's doesn't ask me very personal

498
00:35:37.600 --> 00:35:44.080
questions like he's like what kind of candy are you gonna eat on easter so okay all this day last

499
00:35:44.080 --> 00:35:50.560
night he sent me a long message essentially saying that he wasn't sure if he was feeling

500
00:35:50.800 --> 00:35:58.080
romantically okay um and i'm wondering can i just paste it into the chat

501
00:35:59.840 --> 00:36:06.080
yeah go ahead um so i don't know if that's too overshare but anyways i'm gonna send what he

502
00:36:06.080 --> 00:36:14.160
said he sent me okay um yeah i was gonna say because it it sounds like one my first thought

503
00:36:14.160 --> 00:36:19.600
was maybe he's just never been raised or taught how to be a gentleman that's what i was wondering

504
00:36:19.920 --> 00:36:28.080
that happens ladies i mean sometimes they just they just don't know i don't know how old how old

505
00:36:28.080 --> 00:36:40.400
is he he's 38 um yeah yeah i'm 37 yeah and then he sent me i was just kind of seeing what is what

506
00:36:41.200 --> 00:36:46.640
how is he showing up elsewhere so okay so do you mind if i read it out loud so i make sure

507
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:54.800
okay hey caitlin i wanted to check in with you where i'm at in hopes it's helpful i'm having fun

508
00:36:54.800 --> 00:37:00.480
hanging out and seeing a lot of real compatibility i love that your life is so invested in music it's

509
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:06.720
the romantic side i'm still not sure how i feel and i usually tend to know that by a few dates

510
00:37:06.720 --> 00:37:13.840
in like this i don't want to waste your time or leave you without clear intentions so i figured

511
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:19.520
to just share this because i'd be happy to keep hanging out as friends seeing what develops with

512
00:37:19.520 --> 00:37:25.280
some time but also totally understand if hearing this might have you wanting to focus your time

513
00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:29.680
towards clearer things or if you're kind of feeling the same way let me know how you're

514
00:37:29.680 --> 00:37:36.400
feeling when you can okay so how are you feeling caitlin do you want to continue to get to know him

515
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:44.240
as friends while you're also open to dating other people oh um i feel like that's hard on my heart

516
00:37:44.240 --> 00:37:52.640
because i got so excited about him okay so knowing that he's not there yeah do you want to continue

517
00:37:52.640 --> 00:37:58.560
to keep putting your heart into something that you're he's kind of sharing with you like hey

518
00:37:58.560 --> 00:38:05.040
you're you're a cool person i think we got some things going on but i'm not there romantically

519
00:38:05.680 --> 00:38:13.920
yeah i i don't think i want to do that okay but it hurts so i feel like there's like like ouch why

520
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:19.760
are you not into me like okay so then yeah like that's that's where we're gonna get so this is

521
00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:26.080
where ladies this is where dating is gonna start uncovering some stuff okay so i don't like i think

522
00:38:26.080 --> 00:38:33.200
this was a good trial for you because you found some things that you really do like about him

523
00:38:33.200 --> 00:38:38.720
and you got excited about dating ladies let's have success in that when we're excited about

524
00:38:38.720 --> 00:38:45.760
dating that's like let's be excited about that okay but you also were noticing some things that

525
00:38:46.400 --> 00:38:53.600
you didn't enjoy that you really put value in so i don't want you selling yourselves short because

526
00:38:54.320 --> 00:39:03.920
you do desire someone that is going to be a gentleman and um let the lady order first

527
00:39:05.120 --> 00:39:14.240
like go ahead open the door for you right being intentional about being a masculine man ladies

528
00:39:14.240 --> 00:39:20.720
that's masculinity right okay it's not all the like oh he's got to be buff and muscles and all

529
00:39:20.720 --> 00:39:27.200
that kind of you know none of that but just they're willing and able and wanting to cover

530
00:39:27.200 --> 00:39:35.200
and protect and provide yeah provide you know spiritually emotionally physically like all

531
00:39:35.200 --> 00:39:45.120
sorts of ways okay and so i think this was a good discovery dating for you that there was things that

532
00:39:45.120 --> 00:39:50.160
you enjoyed about him that you appreciated that there was some compatibility there there were

533
00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:56.160
certain things that you all aligned with but you also really desire someone that's going to

534
00:39:56.160 --> 00:39:59.840
be intentional with wanting to get to know you so my guess is

535
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.520
the reason he's probably not asking a lot of questions is because he's still not sure

536
00:40:04.520 --> 00:40:11.120
he's fully there yet. Okay. Again, this has nothing to do about you. It's more or less

537
00:40:11.120 --> 00:40:20.280
him. So that's what we got to get. We got to get to the, what kind of fears, anxious

538
00:40:20.280 --> 00:40:27.880
thought are starting to surface now that the enemy wants you to start believing. Why didn't

539
00:40:27.880 --> 00:40:32.920
he like me? Totally. Which I feel like last night when I got that text last night and

540
00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:41.000
I was like flooded with that, like, Oh, maybe I'm too old for him. Maybe I'm not attractive

541
00:40:41.000 --> 00:40:47.200
enough for him. Like I just had all these negative things and I started ruminating and

542
00:40:47.200 --> 00:40:55.160
then I was like, maybe he has avoidant attachment or I just like, but so I guarantee ladies

543
00:40:55.160 --> 00:40:59.240
just by a show of hands. I know I got a few hands that are up for the thing or even in

544
00:40:59.240 --> 00:41:06.800
the chat. How many of you experienced this, those thoughts when someone is not sure how

545
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:17.600
they feel about a dating situation with you? Has that ever happened before? Yeah. So the

546
00:41:17.600 --> 00:41:27.160
thing is, is you're not alone. Okay. All this is, is rejection. And then what are

547
00:41:27.160 --> 00:41:33.440
we believing about it? And I think many, many weeks ago we kind of started getting some

548
00:41:33.440 --> 00:41:39.520
breakthrough with the identity piece. Yeah. Right. And so some of that wants to creep

549
00:41:39.520 --> 00:41:46.560
back in that you're not worthy enough. You're not at a certain age. Okay. Cause I had that

550
00:41:46.560 --> 00:41:54.880
same thing happen y'all. I was dating someone like, so my son's father left me for someone

551
00:41:54.880 --> 00:42:00.320
when I was seven months pregnant and he left me for someone 12 years younger than me. Y'all

552
00:42:00.320 --> 00:42:07.880
like she was 20 and I was 32. I was like, what? And I was in this program dating and

553
00:42:07.880 --> 00:42:16.080
the guy was actually part of this community. Super nice guy. And uh, we went out on a date

554
00:42:16.120 --> 00:42:20.400
and then a few weeks later he met someone else. I later find out that girl that he went

555
00:42:20.400 --> 00:42:27.000
out on a date with y'all, she was 12 years younger than me. I was like, what? And so

556
00:42:27.000 --> 00:42:33.240
some of that started wanting to surface. Okay. And it, I sat with it for a short amount of

557
00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:37.760
time cause I had been in the heartwork for over a year at that point. Like I had, I knew,

558
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:42.760
I knew it was a heartwork thing. So I had to go back to my tools and be like, okay,

559
00:42:42.760 --> 00:42:48.520
what am I believing? What is, what's the truth? What is God's truth? Okay. Where? And

560
00:42:48.520 --> 00:42:53.760
then I was like, okay, God reveal this to me. And that's when the Lord revealed to me,

561
00:42:53.760 --> 00:42:59.200
well, Carla, your son's father left you when you were seven months pregnant with someone

562
00:42:59.200 --> 00:43:04.560
that was 12 years younger than you. There's some healing that I want, you know, you've

563
00:43:04.560 --> 00:43:09.400
already, you've already forgiven him. And this is just an area that the enemy wants

564
00:43:09.400 --> 00:43:13.600
to sit there and use you to trap you to go back that he's like, but you already broke

565
00:43:13.600 --> 00:43:20.160
that off. And he's like, I've, I've got better for you. He's like, you got to trust that.

566
00:43:20.160 --> 00:43:25.120
And so I had to work through that whole process. So that's what I'm saying. Like this dating

567
00:43:25.120 --> 00:43:31.720
process will start surfacing. So the rejection will come. And again, it's just reminding

568
00:43:31.720 --> 00:43:40.280
ourselves what is the truth? God's got something so amazing for me that rejection actually

569
00:43:40.280 --> 00:43:47.700
is protection. Yeah. And I believe that. I just, I feel like I've had a string of things

570
00:43:47.700 --> 00:43:55.960
not work out and it's hard. It can be hard to keep believing that after over time when

571
00:43:55.960 --> 00:44:03.560
you're like, I wanted this for 20 years now. I know. I know. And, and, and that's where,

572
00:44:03.560 --> 00:44:09.840
you know, I can just give you my own testimony. I've been where you've been. It's actually,

573
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:16.880
I remember just being in such a low place after being in this program for two years

574
00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:23.400
and it just constantly not like good guys kept coming, but they just weren't, I wasn't

575
00:44:23.400 --> 00:44:30.840
their wife. And I'm like, but I know I'm like a good person. I know I have good qualities.

576
00:44:30.840 --> 00:44:34.960
I know I'm wife material. I know I'm all these things and God, I know you say that about

577
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:42.000
me, but why do they not see it? And God's like, because I, I haven't brought him yet.

578
00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:49.440
I'm like, okay. And I got to a point where I, I did, I got so discouraged. I was ready

579
00:44:49.440 --> 00:44:57.160
to throw in the towel and been like, I just need to let it go. And there were things that

580
00:44:57.160 --> 00:45:00.000
I was not willing to release the pin.

581
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.600
too. I was all about, I'm not moving. I want more babies. And

582
00:45:07.600 --> 00:45:11.160
finally, I had gotten to this point where I'm like, Lord, I,

583
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:14.720
I'm done exhausting myself with this. I'm done feeling like

584
00:45:14.720 --> 00:45:19.080
this. You're gonna have to carry this. And I mean, I'll be

585
00:45:19.080 --> 00:45:24.480
honest, ladies, I was mad at God. I was like, you promised

586
00:45:24.480 --> 00:45:28.320
this and you're not delivering. But I also had a little boy that

587
00:45:28.320 --> 00:45:31.520
was really wanting a dad. And I'm like, you can, I'm like,

588
00:45:31.520 --> 00:45:35.000
Lord, you can disappoint me. But you're disappointing my son. And

589
00:45:35.000 --> 00:45:38.680
I mean, I was mad at him. And I was able to, like, I was able to

590
00:45:38.680 --> 00:45:43.200
just snot it out, go to go to the Lord in prayer. And I was

591
00:45:43.200 --> 00:45:46.000
like, Okay, I gotta let this go, you're gonna have to do

592
00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:52.680
something because I'm not doing it anymore. And I had to be

593
00:45:52.680 --> 00:45:56.080
willing to let go of some of the things that I thought were

594
00:45:56.080 --> 00:46:01.760
non-negotiables. And so, you know, I'm not saying that

595
00:46:01.760 --> 00:46:06.120
that's your case, I'm saying it more or less, for you ladies to

596
00:46:06.120 --> 00:46:13.200
hear that I get where y'all are at. I've been there too. But I

597
00:46:13.200 --> 00:46:17.720
promise you, God is still working, even when we can't see

598
00:46:17.720 --> 00:46:22.720
him working, he's working. And it doesn't make sense right now.

599
00:46:22.760 --> 00:46:26.920
But I will tell you, it will make sense when God brings that

600
00:46:26.920 --> 00:46:34.120
person. And so just continue to keep believing that. Go to the

601
00:46:34.120 --> 00:46:37.440
Lord, go to the Lord with all your emotions, all the feelings.

602
00:46:38.440 --> 00:46:43.760
And it's, it's okay. And then just say, Okay, Lord, you

603
00:46:43.760 --> 00:46:47.320
brought this guy, it really, it really stinks. This rejection

604
00:46:47.320 --> 00:46:51.720
really sucks. I'm not sure why it is not romantically attracted

605
00:46:51.720 --> 00:46:57.320
to me. I think I'm pretty amazing. But Lord, I'm going to

606
00:46:57.320 --> 00:46:59.880
trust you with this. I'm going to trust that you got somebody

607
00:46:59.880 --> 00:47:01.640
else out there and Lord, I'm going to believe that you're

608
00:47:01.640 --> 00:47:04.120
going to bring somebody that's going to be a gentleman, and is

609
00:47:04.120 --> 00:47:09.920
going to let me order first. He's going to open the door for

610
00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:17.840
me. So just again, just focus on that. And again, you're doing

611
00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:20.120
the right thing. You're showing up, you're letting us know how

612
00:47:20.120 --> 00:47:23.080
you're feeling, and what you're experiencing and what you're

613
00:47:23.080 --> 00:47:26.840
going through. That is, that's half the battle ladies is

614
00:47:26.840 --> 00:47:34.760
showing up here. Okay. Thank you so much, Caitlin. I hope I hope

615
00:47:34.760 --> 00:47:38.720
it gives you encouragement. Yeah, it does. Thank you. All

616
00:47:38.720 --> 00:47:41.640
right. And if you need to take a few days, then get back out

617
00:47:41.640 --> 00:47:48.000
there again. Yeah. Okay. All right, Ruth, I got you next and

618
00:47:48.000 --> 00:47:50.000
see that you're not on camera. So I'm not sure if you're able

619
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:56.000
to show your face or not. Okay, I see. Okay. Oh, yep.

620
00:47:58.240 --> 00:48:03.040
How are you? I'm doing well. I don't really have a question.

621
00:48:03.040 --> 00:48:08.160
But I wanted to, I haven't really spoken in stage two. So

622
00:48:08.160 --> 00:48:13.160
it's like, well, maybe I should give an update. So yeah, so I

623
00:48:13.160 --> 00:48:18.640
guess my update does Oh, my cat is making an appearance. My, my

624
00:48:18.640 --> 00:48:22.760
update does incorporate a question. So I've been in phase

625
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:31.680
two, gosh, for four weeks now. And I have not yet ventured to

626
00:48:32.240 --> 00:48:37.000
online dating. Okay. But that being said, I have met five men

627
00:48:37.000 --> 00:48:41.720
in the past four weeks organically. Yeah, I'm an

628
00:48:41.720 --> 00:48:44.840
organic person. That's my preference. I'm not opposed to

629
00:48:44.840 --> 00:48:50.520
online dating, but I really like just organic meeting people. And

630
00:48:50.520 --> 00:48:59.320
so I had three states. And then one person I met Sunday, I'm in

631
00:48:59.320 --> 00:49:05.600
my complex. And we chatted quite a bit on Sunday. And then we met

632
00:49:05.640 --> 00:49:08.680
last night in our complex and and talk for like another 30

633
00:49:08.680 --> 00:49:13.000
minutes. So no, like date per se with him, but getting getting

634
00:49:13.000 --> 00:49:19.760
to know. Mm hmm. Okay. So that's where I'm at. Um, and I guess,

635
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:25.520
you know, I guess my question is, I will say, um, the three

636
00:49:25.520 --> 00:49:28.200
dates I have had, those are not individuals that I will be

637
00:49:28.480 --> 00:49:35.320
following up with. Um, so yeah, so ruled them out. Um, but I

638
00:49:35.320 --> 00:49:41.080
guess my question is, um, I would say that I am not

639
00:49:41.080 --> 00:49:46.120
necessarily, well, I guess I've dated two men at a time, but I

640
00:49:46.120 --> 00:49:50.320
rolled them out with like, one to two weeks very rapidly. Um,

641
00:49:50.360 --> 00:49:55.440
so yeah, I guess. Do you feel like do you strongly advise that

642
00:49:55.440 --> 00:50:00.040
I do get online? Or if I'm enjoying what I have?

643
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:07.280
now and I feel like, you know, I'm actively meeting or going on a date at least once a week.

644
00:50:08.240 --> 00:50:17.520
Do you think that's enough? So yeah, I think if you are coming out of hiding and you have

645
00:50:17.520 --> 00:50:23.280
guys that you're meeting, I think keep doing what you're doing. Okay. Now,

646
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:31.920
um, if, let me ask, why were those other three dates a no? Like the three days you had,

647
00:50:31.920 --> 00:50:35.600
were those three separate guys? Like, are you just going on one date and saying it's a no?

648
00:50:36.240 --> 00:50:42.400
Um, well, one guy was a no because our values don't align. Okay. Um, so that was a no after

649
00:50:42.400 --> 00:50:51.120
the first day. Um, and the other day was a no after the second, because he, his behavior was

650
00:50:51.920 --> 00:50:56.720
inappropriate and out of line. Okay. Perfect. Okay. Yeah. I just want to make sure that,

651
00:50:56.720 --> 00:51:00.240
you know, it's not like, okay, one day there's like one little thing, like

652
00:51:00.240 --> 00:51:07.200
their teeth are crooked or something like that. No, they're there. There's, there's,

653
00:51:07.760 --> 00:51:12.880
you know, so what about the guy that you said your values didn't align? What about your values

654
00:51:12.880 --> 00:51:17.680
didn't align? So again, because I'm meeting these people organically, it's not like I'm reading

655
00:51:17.680 --> 00:51:26.640
their bio. Um, so great individual, highly educated, which meets, um, my, you know,

656
00:51:26.640 --> 00:51:33.680
non-negotiables, um, but didn't, doesn't believe in God. Um, so that, you know, ruled him out.

657
00:51:34.560 --> 00:51:41.040
Okay. Perfect. Okay. So if he's not a believer, then yeah, ladies, like you're not always going

658
00:51:41.040 --> 00:51:48.240
to find those things out right off the bat. So that's what I will say. Like what I will caution

659
00:51:48.240 --> 00:51:52.640
you with, and I'm not saying that you're doing anything wrong here is when you're going out on

660
00:51:52.640 --> 00:51:56.560
dates, we want to make sure that we're just at that getting to know you phase that we're not

661
00:51:56.560 --> 00:52:01.760
just trying to like, do they have all of my non-negotiables or, you know, that kind of thing.

662
00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:06.560
We don't want to just sit here and have checklist. We're like, okay, the guy has to do this, this,

663
00:52:06.800 --> 00:52:12.720
this, and this. We really want you discovering like, what do you enjoy about people?

664
00:52:13.600 --> 00:52:19.600
What do you, what do you appreciate and value when you're out on dates? Like what are we,

665
00:52:19.600 --> 00:52:26.000
we call it, we call, we call you ladies to be fruit inspectors. And so what we mean by that

666
00:52:26.000 --> 00:52:33.680
is you're looking for their fruits, like fruits of the spirit. Are they kind? Are they patient?

667
00:52:33.680 --> 00:52:40.480
Do they have self-control? Do they presume to have joy? Are they loving? Okay. Now,

668
00:52:40.480 --> 00:52:47.360
obviously loving in a sense of like loving others, they love others well. Okay. We're looking for

669
00:52:47.360 --> 00:52:53.120
those types of fruits. All right. I know a lot of times we want the, Oh, I want this guy to be

670
00:52:53.120 --> 00:52:59.920
on fire. I want him to be able to, you know, you know, quote scripture ladies. There's a lot of

671
00:52:59.920 --> 00:53:08.320
men out there that can sit in and quote scripture and be believers, but that are not healthy.

672
00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:16.960
All right. I know there's a woman in this program. Um, she, one of her former husbands

673
00:53:18.320 --> 00:53:27.040
could get up in a pulpit and really preach, but he was not a good husband. Okay. So that's why

674
00:53:27.040 --> 00:53:32.240
we want you looking for fruits. So that's where I would just spend time just getting to know them.

675
00:53:32.240 --> 00:53:36.240
Okay. Again, I'm not saying that you did anything wrong. Cause again, you don't want somebody

676
00:53:36.240 --> 00:53:41.200
that's not a believer, but let's just make sure that we're not going on interview on those first

677
00:53:41.200 --> 00:53:46.880
date. Like go do things enjoyable. That's why Jackie encourages you ladies for your first dates,

678
00:53:46.880 --> 00:53:51.280
especially in the first beginning dates, go do activities, go do things that are fun.

679
00:53:52.080 --> 00:53:57.280
All right. So you're not sitting always across the table, having breakfast, lunch, dinner,

680
00:53:57.280 --> 00:54:03.280
coffee, because it can turn into an interview very, very quickly. All right. And we really

681
00:54:03.280 --> 00:54:08.720
want to see, cause ladies, I will tell you, there are men out there and women too, that can sit there

682
00:54:08.720 --> 00:54:17.360
and paint the picture and regurgitate everything that you want to hear. And then two or three

683
00:54:17.360 --> 00:54:25.680
months in you're living in fantasy and things start surfacing. Okay. So that's why we want

684
00:54:25.680 --> 00:54:31.680
low stakes dating and level two, getting to know you. But again, to your question, do you need to

685
00:54:31.680 --> 00:54:39.360
go and jump online? Not, not if you're getting dates right now, I will ask, like, if you're

686
00:54:39.360 --> 00:54:47.120
finding that it's, you like to definitely go for it. Just don't overwhelm yourself.

687
00:54:48.720 --> 00:54:57.520
And then I would even pose the question. Is there a reason why you're, are you hard into the idea

688
00:54:57.520 --> 00:54:59.920
of online dating or are you?

689
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.840
not so that's another thing that we'll we'll practice with you ladies too because there

690
00:55:03.840 --> 00:55:07.520
are some ladies that are like nope hard no not going to online date and that's a heart wound

691
00:55:08.480 --> 00:55:14.000
okay so i like i said it sounds like you're meeting guys you're getting dates you're out

692
00:55:14.000 --> 00:55:20.080
of hiding all good things um and this is this is when you you get to make choices

693
00:55:20.880 --> 00:55:28.960
and decide what works for you as well sounds good and yeah i like the um it's interesting because

694
00:55:28.960 --> 00:55:34.800
in some ways and i wrote this in my message to you a couple weeks ago um and with this person

695
00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:39.440
i'm talking to now it does not feel like an interview but the past couple of days i've had

696
00:55:39.440 --> 00:55:47.680
i felt like they were interviewing me yeah um and um so if that was an interesting

697
00:55:48.640 --> 00:55:58.000
dynamic um but i'm glad i actually found that piece of information out sooner rather than

698
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:03.440
than later and they were just like kind of about their kind of differences and yeah

699
00:56:04.080 --> 00:56:09.680
and yeah values absolutely and like and like you said then you had two uh two dates with

700
00:56:09.680 --> 00:56:14.240
somebody that was just completely inappropriate ladies if any men are being completely

701
00:56:14.240 --> 00:56:20.640
inappropriate with their behavior sexual aggressive um you know just downright rude

702
00:56:20.640 --> 00:56:26.160
where it's like the fruits are not there right they don't have the fruits of the spirit because

703
00:56:26.240 --> 00:56:35.440
they're just not being kind then that's that's a no that's that's a red flag if someone is

704
00:56:35.440 --> 00:56:42.240
crossing boundaries not being appropriate not being honoring to who you are that's that's a

705
00:56:42.240 --> 00:56:51.280
no okay and if you ever need us to help you evaluate is this behavior appropriate or inappropriate

706
00:56:51.280 --> 00:56:59.120
bring it to the bring it to a community and we'll let you know okay all right i got actually

707
00:57:02.640 --> 00:57:03.840
hey ashley how are you

708
00:57:06.000 --> 00:57:11.840
i'm good how are you good i'm gonna write everybody down so that way if i can't get to

709
00:57:11.840 --> 00:57:18.000
everybody i typically pass them over to ebony and say hey so any of you ladies that i don't

710
00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:23.840
get to if i don't get to you and you can make eight o'clock i do typically let ebony know like

711
00:57:23.840 --> 00:57:29.120
hey these girls were at one o'clock make sure you take their question well i will say i was one of

712
00:57:29.120 --> 00:57:32.720
the last ones to raise my hand so if you want to move on to somebody else no you're good i i got

713
00:57:32.720 --> 00:57:40.160
you so we're good okay so i don't know if you remember but i was one that i was not a huge fan

714
00:57:40.160 --> 00:57:46.960
of the whole idea of online dating not really not really enjoying it which from what i understand

715
00:57:46.960 --> 00:57:52.000
i've talked to some friends that like it's just kind of brutal it's just kind of not fun you're

716
00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:58.800
and you're not alone like i'm like i i didn't enjoy online dating but there was i i learned

717
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:05.520
that there was value in it because god could use it to help grow me and heal me in areas

718
00:58:05.520 --> 00:58:11.280
for sure so i know we sometimes are like oh we don't like it yeah and i feel like i've you know

719
00:58:11.600 --> 00:58:14.960
risky and like putting myself out there and like actually getting on and like

720
00:58:16.160 --> 00:58:22.000
swiping right and left and trying not to be overly like read too much into all of their

721
00:58:22.000 --> 00:58:29.040
like okay i think he's attractive and like one of the things on his bio okay seems like

722
00:58:29.760 --> 00:58:35.760
nice wholesome pictures okay we're good yeah and so one of the things that i'm feeling like i have

723
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:43.840
hard time with is um i don't feel like anybody's reaching out like i i'm not super good at small

724
00:58:43.840 --> 00:58:48.640
talk i'm just not i'm like let's let's get to know each other i want to know who you are you

725
00:58:48.640 --> 00:58:56.720
know to even see if i want to know you you know yeah and um and so like some of the the two apps

726
00:58:56.720 --> 00:59:00.560
that i'm on they have like sometimes they'll have like prompted questions i'm like that just feels

727
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:08.240
so feels so shallow and which is okay but i also don't want to be the only one like to make the

728
00:59:08.240 --> 00:59:13.760
first move you know and so like the whole drop the hanky thing i've waved and i've sent a comment or

729
00:59:13.760 --> 00:59:18.720
two and i just don't get anything back which is fine i don't i mean it's kind of one of those

730
00:59:18.720 --> 00:59:23.680
things like it's either going to happen or it's not you know i'm not going to make it happen

731
00:59:24.560 --> 00:59:31.680
and um but i was talking to one guy i talked to two guys since i started probably a little

732
00:59:31.680 --> 00:59:38.880
over a month ago one guy i'm learning the apps and so i don't really know how it works and

733
00:59:38.880 --> 00:59:42.640
started a conversation come to find out he was quite a ways away and i'm really not interested

734
00:59:42.640 --> 00:59:50.800
in the long distance or potential of relocating i'm happy where i am and um has he mentioned that

735
00:59:50.800 --> 00:59:58.480
he's open to relocating well it wasn't i didn't just didn't feel like the conversation went there

736
00:59:58.480 --> 00:59:59.840
i was just like i'm not

737
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:07.480
Yeah, um other guy sometimes we will put it in their their profiles. That's why I asked like he worked

738
01:00:08.760 --> 01:00:13.240
he's actually he was in Houston and he worked in on the oil rigs and stuff like that, so I

739
01:00:14.640 --> 01:00:17.760
Wouldn't get there, but it was I was fine with that. Yeah

740
01:00:19.120 --> 01:00:24.320
But what the one guy did talk to you it just seemed I didn't like I said

741
01:00:24.320 --> 01:00:29.600
I'm new to it trying to figure out the apps and stuff and I am a millennial but that is not

742
01:00:30.040 --> 01:00:32.760
It's not it doesn't come naturally to me

743
01:00:34.120 --> 01:00:36.120
finding all that figuring those out and

744
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:41.880
So this conversation started and I didn't really look at his profile

745
01:00:41.880 --> 01:00:43.520
we just started talking and

746
01:00:43.520 --> 01:00:46.960
We got to a point where I was like he asked to meet in person

747
01:00:46.960 --> 01:00:50.000
He had kind of prompted a few times and I was like, you know, I'm not really

748
01:00:51.520 --> 01:00:56.760
I'm unsure about that right now, but I would be open to a video call. Okay, and I

749
01:00:57.520 --> 01:00:59.520
Asked when he would be available and

750
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:07.280
He said well my schedule is wide open I can make just about anything happens, okay awesome. What about this time and

751
01:01:08.240 --> 01:01:10.240
He said oh, well that won't work for me

752
01:01:12.320 --> 01:01:17.960
Okay, and I was like I was already super nervous not really into it

753
01:01:18.440 --> 01:01:22.520
But okay, you know, I'm putting myself out there. I'm gonna try it. Yeah, and

754
01:01:23.160 --> 01:01:30.480
So I waited and I waited and while I was like made another like what about this time and never heard back from him

755
01:01:30.480 --> 01:01:31.680
and so

756
01:01:31.680 --> 01:01:38.400
I went looked at his profile and something popped up and I was like, oh, that's kind of a really big red flag

757
01:01:40.440 --> 01:01:42.440
He said I

758
01:01:42.560 --> 01:01:46.760
Don't remember the actual verbiage because I'll tell you the rest of it why I can't go back and look at it

759
01:01:47.640 --> 01:01:49.640
but it's something like

760
01:01:49.640 --> 01:01:54.400
It came across as like emotional wreck looking for somebody who has it together and

761
01:01:56.080 --> 01:01:58.080
And I was like, oh

762
01:01:58.400 --> 01:02:05.200
Wait, so he said emotionally what that he was either an emotional wreck or like

763
01:02:06.200 --> 01:02:08.920
Figuring it out or it on a healing journey

764
01:02:09.480 --> 01:02:15.960
Looking for somebody who already has it all together and I didn't see that before we started talking, but I was like that

765
01:02:16.960 --> 01:02:21.960
Feels really that's just a huge red flag for me. Like not that you have to have it all together

766
01:02:21.960 --> 01:02:25.640
You're putting that up front. Like I don't yeah, that just doesn't seem very

767
01:02:26.880 --> 01:02:32.480
I'm not sure what put together girl is gonna say. Oh, let me sign up for that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm

768
01:02:33.000 --> 01:02:35.000
Ready for that journey

769
01:02:35.320 --> 01:02:38.720
like if anything is looking that to me is

770
01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:45.560
People that are gonna be attracted to that would be people that want to fix and help and do

771
01:02:46.120 --> 01:02:53.200
Yeah, and what like a project or want to mother it? Yeah, that doesn't say yeah, it just didn't feel feel good

772
01:02:53.200 --> 01:02:57.960
So I was like, like I said figuring out the app and there was an unmatched button and I was like, yeah

773
01:02:57.960 --> 01:03:00.880
We're just gonna go ahead and that's then I don't even and I think that was fine

774
01:03:01.480 --> 01:03:06.480
Okay, cuz I was like, I kind of feel like a jerk that I didn't like but then again

775
01:03:06.480 --> 01:03:08.480
I was like, I don't know him anything. So

776
01:03:09.880 --> 01:03:14.760
Dating was described to me by one of the women in the community when when she and I were in the community together

777
01:03:14.760 --> 01:03:16.760
I

778
01:03:17.480 --> 01:03:22.000
Ladies I know I know online dating is not ideal. All right

779
01:03:22.400 --> 01:03:26.840
It's not fun all the time. It can be I mean if we go in with the mindset

780
01:03:26.840 --> 01:03:32.360
We really can like if we can just accept for what it is and just push through it

781
01:03:32.680 --> 01:03:35.520
It doesn't have to be as like tumultuous

782
01:03:36.120 --> 01:03:39.640
but again, I say it because I totally get it and

783
01:03:40.640 --> 01:03:45.640
With online dating you sometimes are just gonna have to go through and you're trying to find needle in a haystack

784
01:03:46.360 --> 01:03:52.800
You're gonna have to be willing to just swipe reach out deal with some of the not-so-great guys

785
01:03:53.600 --> 01:03:57.960
But I assure you there are good guys out there on those apps

786
01:03:59.720 --> 01:04:01.720
More oftentimes than not

787
01:04:01.960 --> 01:04:05.120
Okay, that's where a lot of men are going

788
01:04:05.680 --> 01:04:08.480
Because that's the age that we live in

789
01:04:09.080 --> 01:04:10.840
Okay, and so

790
01:04:10.840 --> 01:04:15.160
It's just the matter of numbers game. It's kind of like how you

791
01:04:15.880 --> 01:04:17.880
approach business and sales is

792
01:04:18.360 --> 01:04:21.280
That you're gonna have to get through some nose to get some yeses

793
01:04:21.280 --> 01:04:26.320
And I know that's not what we all want to hear and it's like it's not fun

794
01:04:26.800 --> 01:04:28.800
but if

795
01:04:28.840 --> 01:04:33.280
You know you go into it mean like okay. I know they're good guys out there. I'm

796
01:04:34.640 --> 01:04:37.360
Accepting the fact that I'm gonna have to deal with some not-so-great ones

797
01:04:37.960 --> 01:04:44.040
But I have tools and resources I have a community that's here to help back me up with it

798
01:04:45.360 --> 01:04:50.360
It can be enjoyable. I met a lot of really incredible

799
01:04:50.880 --> 01:04:52.280
guys

800
01:04:52.280 --> 01:04:54.040
online I

801
01:04:54.040 --> 01:04:57.880
Learned a lot about myself by being online

802
01:04:59.160 --> 01:05:01.160
so

803
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.160
So yeah, top two online dating sites, Megan.

804
01:05:04.160 --> 01:05:08.120
So I personally use Facebook dating.

805
01:05:08.120 --> 01:05:11.400
It was my favorite, okay?

806
01:05:11.400 --> 01:05:14.220
And I know everyone's like, but I want a Christian site.

807
01:05:14.220 --> 01:05:16.280
Ladies, there's Christians all over the place.

808
01:05:16.280 --> 01:05:17.880
There's Christians at the grocery store.

809
01:05:17.880 --> 01:05:20.440
You don't know that they're a Christian, okay?

810
01:05:20.440 --> 01:05:23.600
Like there's Christians on dating sites

811
01:05:23.600 --> 01:05:25.480
that are not the Christian sites too.

812
01:05:26.360 --> 01:05:29.280
There's also non-Christians on Christian dating sites.

813
01:05:30.680 --> 01:05:32.600
All right, sometimes that's how some guys

814
01:05:32.600 --> 01:05:35.000
will wanna scam you, all right?

815
01:05:35.000 --> 01:05:38.700
So that, I don't know, like that's what I used.

816
01:05:40.680 --> 01:05:43.160
Some other ones that I know people have used

817
01:05:43.160 --> 01:05:48.160
is Hinge, Bumble, I think there's Holy Salts.

818
01:05:49.200 --> 01:05:53.680
They're constantly putting out other sites,

819
01:05:53.680 --> 01:05:57.780
but don't overwhelm yourself with it.

820
01:05:57.780 --> 01:05:59.680
I know, Ashley, you were talking about,

821
01:06:00.340 --> 01:06:01.700
I know you don't like the idea,

822
01:06:01.700 --> 01:06:04.700
you don't like the one being able to reach out.

823
01:06:04.700 --> 01:06:07.380
I would get uncomfortable,

824
01:06:07.380 --> 01:06:09.260
I'm gonna stretch to get uncomfortable,

825
01:06:09.260 --> 01:06:12.140
be willing to reach out to some guys.

826
01:06:12.140 --> 01:06:14.980
Some guys are very shy and intimidated,

827
01:06:14.980 --> 01:06:18.300
especially when they see a beautiful looking woman

828
01:06:18.300 --> 01:06:21.580
like yourself on the photos,

829
01:06:21.580 --> 01:06:24.060
that they're also dealing with the fear

830
01:06:24.060 --> 01:06:26.660
of rejection as well, okay?

831
01:06:26.660 --> 01:06:30.980
And just know, just the more feelers you put out there,

832
01:06:31.880 --> 01:06:35.400
the more opportunity you have to land on a really good guy,

833
01:06:35.400 --> 01:06:37.560
whether he's your spirit mate or not.

834
01:06:37.560 --> 01:06:39.680
Like I said, I met a lot of really great guys

835
01:06:39.680 --> 01:06:41.440
and learned a lot about myself.

836
01:06:42.360 --> 01:06:45.080
So what would you say, or like, I don't know,

837
01:06:45.080 --> 01:06:47.960
maybe I can get everybody's help.

838
01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:50.840
What are the best questions to start conversation

839
01:06:50.840 --> 01:06:52.320
without, hey, how's your day?

840
01:06:52.340 --> 01:06:53.500
Because that's like-

841
01:06:53.500 --> 01:06:56.220
Well, what are some things that you enjoy?

842
01:06:56.220 --> 01:06:57.620
What are the things that I enjoy?

843
01:06:57.620 --> 01:07:02.220
Like going out to eat, going to movies, live music,

844
01:07:02.220 --> 01:07:03.340
going out for a walk.

845
01:07:03.340 --> 01:07:06.740
Like, I just, honestly, I like to have fun

846
01:07:06.740 --> 01:07:09.020
without any risky stuff.

847
01:07:09.020 --> 01:07:11.940
I don't do heights, I don't do rides, things like that.

848
01:07:11.940 --> 01:07:13.780
So you like music, you like food,

849
01:07:13.780 --> 01:07:16.580
ask, start circling questions around there.

850
01:07:16.580 --> 01:07:18.860
I mean, especially if you like to eat.

851
01:07:18.860 --> 01:07:21.420
Are you in a bigger area?

852
01:07:22.420 --> 01:07:24.800
I live in Plano, it's just north of Dallas.

853
01:07:24.800 --> 01:07:28.040
Okay, yeah, I'm in Frisco, Little Elm, so yeah.

854
01:07:28.040 --> 01:07:31.480
So yeah, there's so many restaurants in the Plano area.

855
01:07:31.480 --> 01:07:33.440
Like, you just start saying, hey,

856
01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:36.200
like, what are your top three favorite restaurants

857
01:07:36.200 --> 01:07:37.760
in the area?

858
01:07:37.760 --> 01:07:40.520
Like, just shoot there, because then guess what?

859
01:07:40.520 --> 01:07:42.880
That could potentially get you a date

860
01:07:42.880 --> 01:07:44.520
at one of those restaurants.

861
01:07:44.520 --> 01:07:47.020
And then you can share which restaurants you like,

862
01:07:47.480 --> 01:07:51.840
kind of ask about, like, what type of cuisine.

863
01:07:51.840 --> 01:07:53.880
I mean, I feel like there's so many different,

864
01:07:53.880 --> 01:07:57.000
like, one in this area, it's like a lot of Tex-Mex,

865
01:07:57.000 --> 01:07:59.640
a lot of Mexican food, a lot of Indian food.

866
01:07:59.640 --> 01:08:00.480
A lot of-

867
01:08:00.480 --> 01:08:03.600
My family says that it's not Tex-Mex, that's just food.

868
01:08:03.600 --> 01:08:04.760
It's just our food.

869
01:08:04.760 --> 01:08:05.600
It's just food.

870
01:08:05.600 --> 01:08:07.440
The food of our people.

871
01:08:07.440 --> 01:08:11.240
Like, my husband is a, like, full-blown Texan.

872
01:08:11.240 --> 01:08:12.200
I am not.

873
01:08:12.200 --> 01:08:14.720
So I just moved here, and I'm like,

874
01:08:14.740 --> 01:08:17.100
he would eat Mexican food all day, every day.

875
01:08:17.100 --> 01:08:21.939
And I'm like, I need variety.

876
01:08:21.939 --> 01:08:24.380
There's no food that guacamole does not go with.

877
01:08:24.380 --> 01:08:25.500
There you go.

878
01:08:25.500 --> 01:08:27.979
So yeah, just start asking questions like that.

879
01:08:27.979 --> 01:08:29.100
You know, music.

880
01:08:29.100 --> 01:08:32.100
Hey, have you heard any live bands recently?

881
01:08:32.100 --> 01:08:33.899
What's your favorite type of music?

882
01:08:33.899 --> 01:08:35.220
Start some of that small talk,

883
01:08:35.220 --> 01:08:38.580
because then you can actually engage in that conversation,

884
01:08:38.580 --> 01:08:41.220
because it's something that's interesting to you.

885
01:08:41.220 --> 01:08:43.779
So for me, a lot of the questions that I liked

886
01:08:43.779 --> 01:08:45.680
is I love to travel.

887
01:08:45.680 --> 01:08:47.880
So I always want to go to new places,

888
01:08:47.880 --> 01:08:49.080
experience new things.

889
01:08:49.080 --> 01:08:51.760
And so I would always be getting, you know,

890
01:08:51.760 --> 01:08:53.000
I'd ask people about, like,

891
01:08:53.000 --> 01:08:55.680
what's your most favorite place that you've traveled to?

892
01:08:55.680 --> 01:08:57.740
What's your favorite vacation?

893
01:08:57.740 --> 01:08:59.680
One, because I also love to get ideas,

894
01:08:59.680 --> 01:09:02.920
because even if a guy I was meeting, like, chatting with,

895
01:09:02.920 --> 01:09:05.040
and we didn't hit it off and go on a date,

896
01:09:05.040 --> 01:09:07.920
I might've gotten a good idea of somewhere to go.

897
01:09:07.920 --> 01:09:09.580
Same thing with, like, the food experience,

898
01:09:09.580 --> 01:09:10.420
like a restaurant.

899
01:09:10.420 --> 01:09:12.080
Like, you might not have heard of a restaurant

900
01:09:12.080 --> 01:09:14.740
and be like, hey, this guy isn't my, you know,

901
01:09:14.740 --> 01:09:16.020
a person to go out on a date with,

902
01:09:16.020 --> 01:09:19.380
but I might take a suggestion to go to this restaurant.

903
01:09:19.380 --> 01:09:22.680
Find questions of things that are interesting to you

904
01:09:22.680 --> 01:09:26.100
and see if you can strike up a compatible,

905
01:09:26.100 --> 01:09:28.140
like, back and forth conversation.

906
01:09:28.140 --> 01:09:30.540
And then after a few exchanges,

907
01:09:30.540 --> 01:09:31.620
drop the hanky being like,

908
01:09:31.620 --> 01:09:35.180
we should really do this in person sometime,

909
01:09:35.180 --> 01:09:37.300
or do the video call.

910
01:09:37.300 --> 01:09:41.260
With the video call, give them two dates, two dimes,

911
01:09:41.279 --> 01:09:43.200
and say, which one of these works best for you?

912
01:09:43.200 --> 01:09:44.840
And if they're like, oh, neither of those work,

913
01:09:44.840 --> 01:09:47.359
okay, how about you give me two dates and two dimes,

914
01:09:47.359 --> 01:09:49.840
and I'll see if that fits in my schedule.

915
01:09:49.840 --> 01:09:50.920
Yeah.

916
01:09:50.920 --> 01:09:52.439
Okay, does that help?

917
01:09:52.439 --> 01:09:56.360
Yeah, and I wasn't a jerk to not to unmatch with that guy.

918
01:09:57.640 --> 01:09:58.480
No.

919
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.880
It is sometimes like, it's okay.

920
01:10:01.900 --> 01:10:07.920
Like God, I think God sometimes can use the fact that you were kind of like,

921
01:10:07.920 --> 01:10:11.280
you were ready to have a call and he was kind of like, Oh, my schedule's open,

922
01:10:11.280 --> 01:10:12.720
but then saying no to everything.

923
01:10:13.340 --> 01:10:16.400
I think there was a good prompting because it wasn't like you

924
01:10:16.400 --> 01:10:18.020
were going to go be suspicious.

925
01:10:18.740 --> 01:10:19.360
All right, ladies.

926
01:10:19.360 --> 01:10:22.420
Like, I know there's some ladies out there, like ladies, if you're, you're

927
01:10:22.420 --> 01:10:26.120
wanting to go search their profiles because you're looking for something

928
01:10:26.120 --> 01:10:29.320
to not like them for, that's not who I'm talking to right now.

929
01:10:29.360 --> 01:10:29.960
Okay.

930
01:10:30.680 --> 01:10:32.760
But Ashley, I think she was just prompting.

931
01:10:32.760 --> 01:10:34.840
She's like, you know, I don't think I really read his profile.

932
01:10:34.840 --> 01:10:36.040
I'm going to go take a look at it.

933
01:10:36.480 --> 01:10:39.840
And something caught her eye that was like, Ooh, this doesn't feel right.

934
01:10:40.440 --> 01:10:44.600
She wasn't, that was the only thing, only verbiage on his thing.

935
01:10:44.600 --> 01:10:47.760
So it was like he had pictures and he was, I mean, he was,

936
01:10:47.840 --> 01:10:48.840
wasn't horrible looking.

937
01:10:48.840 --> 01:10:54.680
He just, but it was like, I think like, again, I think ladies, I'm not saying

938
01:10:54.680 --> 01:10:57.960
go out there and go be suspicious and try to find every little thing as to

939
01:10:57.960 --> 01:11:03.040
why to make this guy like a bad guy or ax him or whatever, like, then I'm going

940
01:11:03.040 --> 01:11:07.360
to have a different conversation with you ladies, but for you, Ashley, no, I

941
01:11:07.360 --> 01:11:11.800
think that was just a Holy spirit prompting of, you don't even want

942
01:11:11.800 --> 01:11:12.960
to entertain this right now.

943
01:11:13.120 --> 01:11:16.920
He's protecting you from even going down that kind of road.

944
01:11:17.480 --> 01:11:18.360
Does that make sense?

945
01:11:18.720 --> 01:11:19.000
Yeah.

946
01:11:19.080 --> 01:11:21.400
No, that, that makes me feel better and helps a lot.

947
01:11:21.480 --> 01:11:22.080
I appreciate it.

948
01:11:22.320 --> 01:11:22.600
Okay.

949
01:11:23.880 --> 01:11:24.080
All right.

950
01:11:24.080 --> 01:11:26.000
I have time for one more question, Mary.

951
01:11:26.000 --> 01:11:28.040
I'm going to take you cause I see your face.

952
01:11:29.760 --> 01:11:30.760
How are you, Mary?

953
01:11:31.000 --> 01:11:32.040
Hi there.

954
01:11:32.080 --> 01:11:33.440
Hi, I'm doing good.

955
01:11:33.440 --> 01:11:39.280
I've been on a Christian retreat today, so very peaceful today.

956
01:11:39.800 --> 01:11:44.320
So, but I just wanted, it wasn't more of a question, just more of something

957
01:11:44.440 --> 01:11:50.480
kind of came up in my heart when you said, good guys keep coming, but I wasn't

958
01:11:50.520 --> 01:11:56.200
their wife and I've had that experience and I almost been crying throughout the

959
01:11:56.200 --> 01:11:58.960
call because it's just kind of there.

960
01:11:58.960 --> 01:12:05.400
And just having that sort of sense that I haven't really, really released the

961
01:12:05.400 --> 01:12:10.600
pen to God in that, because I'm afraid that I'm going to repeat a pattern

962
01:12:10.600 --> 01:12:13.880
of not very nice guys in my life.

963
01:12:13.880 --> 01:12:16.640
So, um, so yeah, I want a good guy.

964
01:12:16.800 --> 01:12:17.840
I want a healthy guy.

965
01:12:18.640 --> 01:12:19.680
And let this be like that.

966
01:12:19.680 --> 01:12:19.920
Yeah.

967
01:12:19.920 --> 01:12:21.720
I think there's some healing in this.

968
01:12:22.320 --> 01:12:25.200
You know, that's what I had experienced that there are good men

969
01:12:25.200 --> 01:12:27.600
out there and that was healing.

970
01:12:28.000 --> 01:12:31.640
And it didn't mean I wasn't their wife, but it didn't mean it didn't take away

971
01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:34.960
from the fact that they weren't a good guy, if anything, it gave me more

972
01:12:34.960 --> 01:12:41.280
confidence and that I was even attracting healthier men because I was healthier.

973
01:12:41.640 --> 01:12:41.920
Ladies.

974
01:12:41.920 --> 01:12:46.160
Don't forget that when you've gone through the heartwork, like you've done

975
01:12:46.200 --> 01:12:51.840
some healing and so the healthier you become, the healthier you're going to

976
01:12:51.840 --> 01:12:57.440
attract, you'll hear Jackie often say, and this is just ingrained in my mind

977
01:12:57.440 --> 01:13:01.440
because I, you know, obviously I've been in Jackie's program for, you know,

978
01:13:01.480 --> 01:13:07.400
since 2020, what, what you believe you become and what you become, you attract.

979
01:13:08.600 --> 01:13:11.800
So if you believe unhealthy things and you act in an unhealthy way and you

980
01:13:11.800 --> 01:13:15.480
start believing the lies, you're going to start, you'll attract some of that.

981
01:13:15.480 --> 01:13:17.280
You'll untrack, you'll attract the unhealthy.

982
01:13:18.840 --> 01:13:19.440
Okay.

983
01:13:19.840 --> 01:13:24.160
But once you work through, that's why we really encourage you ladies, not to rush

984
01:13:24.160 --> 01:13:29.440
through the phase one and phase two of this, of this program, because there is

985
01:13:29.440 --> 01:13:31.680
so much healing that takes place here.

986
01:13:32.400 --> 01:13:36.640
And so when we get that, like God wants you married, he does,

987
01:13:37.160 --> 01:13:39.000
but he also wants you healed.

988
01:13:40.720 --> 01:13:41.280
Okay.

989
01:13:41.320 --> 01:13:45.360
And so that healing, it will do something.

990
01:13:45.400 --> 01:13:50.600
You will begin to start attracting more healthier, good men.

991
01:13:50.600 --> 01:13:55.720
And I think God is just showing that to you so that you can trust yourself

992
01:13:55.720 --> 01:14:02.480
and build that confidence and know, like, and it just as a Mary, you've been

993
01:14:02.480 --> 01:14:07.840
doing the work and I see the work you've done and you're resting in me and I see

994
01:14:08.800 --> 01:14:16.680
and I've got an amazing husband for you and like, just hold on to that.

995
01:14:18.200 --> 01:14:22.600
Ladies, there's so much healing in the dating process, especially when

996
01:14:22.600 --> 01:14:24.480
we're not rushing to find the one.

997
01:14:26.280 --> 01:14:28.200
And I know how hard that can be ladies.

998
01:14:28.200 --> 01:14:31.880
I was, you know, my late thirties, like I'd never been married.

999
01:14:32.280 --> 01:14:33.920
I thought I had a rush through it.

1000
01:14:34.360 --> 01:14:36.320
I just wanted it so badly.

1001
01:14:37.120 --> 01:14:41.440
But it doesn't have to be rushed.

1002
01:14:43.880 --> 01:14:44.360
Great.

1003
01:14:44.520 --> 01:14:49.600
There's so, so much precious healing in the timing too.

1004
01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:54.600
Like I would not have been able to receive my husband as a gift if I

1005
01:14:54.600 --> 01:14:56.200
didn't work through this program.

1006
01:14:57.000 --> 01:14:57.400
Yeah.

1007
01:14:59.320 --> 01:14:59.960
Like I had to.

1008
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.720
really learned to trust myself, I had to learn to trust God so that now I can lean on and

1009
01:15:03.720 --> 01:15:11.080
trust this amazing man that I have as a husband.

1010
01:15:11.080 --> 01:15:16.280
Just rest in that. I think it's a beautiful thing that you're recognizing. You have met

1011
01:15:16.280 --> 01:15:28.440
some really amazing guys and let that be encouraging to you that God's got one coming for you.

1012
01:15:28.440 --> 01:15:35.760
He really does. He wants you to just see how healthy and healed you've become because that's

1013
01:15:35.760 --> 01:15:42.360
what he wants more, ladies. He wants y'all healed more than anything. When we've been

1014
01:15:42.360 --> 01:15:48.520
hurt in a relationship, we'll be healed in a relationship.

1015
01:15:48.520 --> 01:15:50.600
Can I just share one more quick thing?

1016
01:15:50.600 --> 01:15:54.200
Absolutely. I gave you a couple more minutes.

1017
01:15:54.200 --> 01:16:03.120
Thank you. Just because on this retreat today, I had done the attachment quiz and I realized

1018
01:16:03.120 --> 01:16:11.240
I'm an anxious attacher. I've been praying about that. Just being on this retreat today,

1019
01:16:11.240 --> 01:16:17.720
I saw a picture of Jesus in my mind and him reaching his hand out and just saying, come.

1020
01:16:17.720 --> 01:16:21.120
I'm saying, but, and he's saying, just come. Every time I was saying, but, he just said

1021
01:16:21.200 --> 01:16:28.880
come. I just sort of sense that, okay, I can put my hand in yours and trust you. I felt that was

1022
01:16:28.880 --> 01:16:31.440
for me, but I thought it might be for somebody else as well.

1023
01:16:31.440 --> 01:16:38.720
I think that's so good. Thank you so much. I think that's a good note to end on. That was beautiful.

1024
01:16:39.440 --> 01:16:45.120
All right. Jenna and Janice, I apologize. I could not get to you, but if you can jump on

1025
01:16:45.120 --> 01:16:52.400
an eight o'clock call with Ebony tonight, I will shoot her your name so that she can put you on her

1026
01:16:52.400 --> 01:17:00.720
list in the beginning, or go ahead and put your question in the app. I'd be happy to look that

1027
01:17:00.720 --> 01:17:06.080
over in the next day or two to get to your question. So good to see so many of you. I know I

1028
01:17:06.080 --> 01:17:14.880
didn't get to say hello to everybody, but it was such an awesome time today. Thank you. Come back

1029
01:17:14.880 --> 01:17:21.440
again next week and come with your questions, okay? All right, ladies, have a wonderful, blessed day.

1030
01:17:22.720 --> 01:17:25.200
Thanks, Carla. Bye, y'all.