All right, ladies, welcome.
This is your live heart check in for phase two.
It's April 29.
This is the one o'clock session.
My name is Carla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here at phase phase two and last year single.
It's such an honor and privilege to be here.
Like I was just saying, I have been in this community with Jackie since the beginning
in 2020.
So it's just always humbling and exciting to get to be part of this community still.
Even though I'm a success story and I'm no longer single, I credit my success to this
program.
And so it's always an honor and privilege to be able to pour that back into this community
to you all.
Kind of just myself being an open book to the work that I had to do and the things that
we ask you to do here in this this community.
I did it myself.
I was at times stubborn about it, but it all worked out.
So just know that nothing that I require ask of you is not something that I've had to work
through myself.
So and then even your questions were a lot of the same questions that I had some of the
same frustrations, the same frustrations I had, some of the successes and celebrations
went through as well.
So like I said, always, always great to be here.
Do we have any new newcomers to phase two on today's call, I see a couple names that
I don't normally see on my one o'clock.
So if you are new to phase two, go ahead and raise your little avatar hand.
I like to see who, who's new to my call.
I know Christine in France, this is her first time here.
So good to see you, Madison.
Yes.
Wonderful.
Madison, were you the one that I just responded to in the app?
Okay, that's what I thought.
Just double checking.
So we can unpack that here in a little bit.
I'm Josanna.
Did I pronounce your name right?
Yeah, Josanne.
Josanne.
Okay, I just, I'm ladies, I'm going to just be upfront, I am not the greatest at pronouncing.
So if I butcher it, I'm going to do my best.
That's why I literally just wrote, wrote Josanne, not Josanna, Josanne.
Okay.
Again, please just give me grace if I if I butcher any of y'all's names and do not hesitate
to correct me if I do.
Okay.
All right, so I got a couple of you new, wonderful.
All right.
So I'm just going to go over a couple of housekeeping items.
And then we're going to do some, some stuff for activation.
Those of you that were here last week in the week before, we're going to just take a minute
to kind of discover what what you did to activate that.
And I'm going to give you a new kind of assignment.
It actually goes along with what Jackie was talking about over the weekend.
And then I will be open to take y'all's questions and see what we can unpack and advice that
I can give lessons learned all that good stuff.
Okay.
When did phase two start?
What do you mean by that?
You can unmute.
I'm not sure I understand your question.
Oh, sorry.
I thought it started maybe two or three weeks ago.
I'm not sure.
So what phase two, it's just ongoing.
So like we have ladies in phase one that entered all different seasons.
Some people take a couple like four to five weeks, finish phase one, and then they jump
into phase two.
Some ladies want to stick around in phase one for, you know, three, four months, and
then they come over to phase two and then the same thing happens here.
So in phase two, we have this is great because this kind of goes into the housekeeping.
We have five course content videos, and so we ask that you watch one a week.
And so potentially you need to have a minimum of about four to five weeks here in phase
two.
Okay.
It doesn't mean everybody leaves after five weeks.
Some people like to kind of stay up, Stephanie's shaking her head.
She's like, nope, I'm sticking around just a little bit longer, which is totally fine.
We're totally open to you ladies, you know, staying as long as you need, eventually at
some point once you've been here kind of three, four months, and as long as you're showing
up ladies, and you're being intentional, we are happy to kind of, you know, work with
you and then we will grow you into phase three because there's lots of really great things
that happen in phase three that we don't want you missing out on and a lot more content
over there as well.
Thank you.
Everybody kind of takes their own journey with each phase.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
All right.
But yeah, ladies, make sure that
you are being intentional when you're showing up
in our phase, make sure you're checking
all the tabs in the app, you know,
utilize the Ask a Coach tab, ask your questions,
get your advice, you know, share with us what's happening.
When you're watching the content,
when you are listening to replays, that's super critical.
So I know all you ladies are with me right now,
but we do record this so that I do post it for the replay.
So the ladies that cannot make the one o'clock
Eastern time call or the eight o'clock Eastern,
and if that ever is you, that you're like,
oh, I just really can't make it,
know that we have the replay, watch the replay, okay?
I always tell you ladies that if you can't make
the one o'clock and you make the eight o'clock,
still come watch the one o'clock replay, okay?
Same thing with all of you that are here at the one o'clock,
still go to the eight o'clock if you can.
Unfortunately, we don't put both of them in replay,
but if you can make it to both,
you're gonna just get so much more information
because we do take your questions here in this call.
So we do try to at least a good solid 45 minutes
of our hour and 15 minutes to let you ladies
ask your questions so that we can unpack things together.
You have a little bit of extra support there.
We can't sit and take like 10, 15, 20 minutes
on each individual person.
So we do ask that you have your question ready,
make it short, brief and powerful, okay?
We can't do five minutes of a backstory
as much as we would like to.
Now, if myself or Ebony, who's your other phase two coach,
we need a little bit more background information.
And of course, we'll ask that during that time of dialogue.
And it's also why it's really important to come into the app
and share with us what's happening.
So then that way, when you jump on these calls,
we have a little bit of background.
I do my very best to kind of, what's the word?
Compartmentalize, like who's got what situation going
and like what I see in the app so that when y'all come
and you're in front of me and I see you face to face,
I'm like, okay, I know that they have this relationship
or they were struggling in this with hard work stuff.
And I can kind of gauge there.
I know I'm gonna pick on my friend, Stephanie here.
She and I had a couple of weeks
of being able to unpack some things.
And she religiously and intentionally shows up in the app
and she's sharing with us the things
that she's struggling with,
the breakthroughs that she's having
so that when she comes to these lives and she has questions,
we already have some background knowledge
and we can really dive in
and help her get some breakthrough there.
So if you all have been here the last couple of weeks,
you know that we've been doing that.
And there was a couple of other ladies.
I know Stephanie, she does a really great job.
So, and I think Jenna, Jenna's on here as well,
Mary as well.
So some of these ladies that I'm seeing,
and there's more of you here.
So don't think that if I'm not calling you out,
I know Ashley.
So again, if you're showing up in the app
and then you're showing up here,
it's really, you're gonna get the most out of this program.
And so that's what I always share.
Having been in this program myself,
the more that you show up
and the more intentionally you are with your time,
the more you're gonna get out of it, okay?
We see the most breakthrough
from those people that intentionally show up, okay?
And this is not just, you know,
I say it because I lived it, okay?
I, and it took me a couple of years.
I mean, and I was intentionally showing up,
you know, not saying that to scare y'all off, okay?
But just God works on everyone individually.
Everyone is gonna have a different journey.
So don't compare what you're having to do or not do
with the next person in this community, okay?
God really does have a way of sorting out all the things
and helping you ladies prepare
for the promise of marriage, okay?
And so, yes, looking at it as a marathon
instead of a sprint, yes, exactly.
It doesn't matter.
Like I've seen people come into this program
and it's like a couple months, they find their spirit mate.
I was not one of those ladies.
I was in this program for two years.
God worked a lot of great things in me
to prepare me for the marriage that I'm in now, okay?
And so I am gonna kind of dig into that just a little bit
on our call, but I wanna get through a few more things
and housekeeping, and then we can kind of dive into that.
A couple more things.
Ladies, when you are in the app and you are posting
and myself or Ebony, your two coaches
are in phase two, reply back to you.
If you can go ahead and reply back to your post
and not just reply specifically to us,
it helps us keep track of who we've responded to
and who we still need to respond to, okay?
And so sometimes we might reply to you
and have some questions that we want you to kind of process,
you know, come back, answer some of those questions.
and use that reply.
We may or may be able to come back and reply back to you.
Sometimes it really does take not just processing
with us as coaches,
but it is important that you're processing these things
in prayer with the Lord as well,
and allowing yourself some time
to sit and unpack things with him as well, okay?
So just keep that in mind.
And then ladies, when you are making posts,
if you could just do a huge, huge favor
and kind of refrain from making posts or comments
that link other ministries, sermons, authors, speakers,
influencers, things of that nature,
because we don't have the capacity
to vet those libraries of content from those sources.
And we wanna make sure that what y'all are getting here
at Last Year Single aligns with what we teach.
And so sometimes that can trickle in.
I mean, I myself sometimes I'm like,
oh, this is such a great sermon.
I'd love to pass this on,
but I have to make sure that we're not, you know,
aligning with stuff that we don't really teach here.
Because while one pastor might have,
or a speaker might have some really great nuggets,
their library of content will maybe not match what we want.
And we feel like God is speaking
through this community here.
Does that make sense?
Good, okay, awesome.
So yeah, just keep that in mind.
So let me go through my notes here
and see what else we got going.
Let's go ahead and just pray.
And then we'll get started with some of our activations.
So Heavenly Father, I thank you for this time together, Lord.
And I just, you know, I just feel your presence here.
And I just wanna invite the hope
that your presence brings to this community.
Lord, I just feel a desperate need
for just encouragement and hope
to be released over the ladies here in phase two.
As we, you know, we coach and teach the women to open up
and maybe do some things that, you know,
feel a little uncomfortable, might feel a little different.
But we just want, you know, your just supernatural presence
and hope and encouragement to be with us today.
And moving forward, Lord.
Lord, just continue to heal us and grow us
and show us areas that, you know, you want us to prune.
You know, we thank you for Jackie and, you know,
and David and all those that are in this community
working for what you've promised.
And I just thank you for this time together
and just continue to, you know,
fill each one of these ladies' hearts.
And, you know, I pray for each one of their spirit mates
that you've already handpicked for them
and that they're just open to your word.
And we just thank you for that.
In Jesus name, amen.
All right, ladies.
Last week, last two weeks, actually,
I've been prompting some of you ladies to start,
you know, focusing on what brings you joy.
What do you enjoy?
What makes you you?
What are some things that you've discovered
in these last two weeks that really show you,
like, this is who I am.
This is what I really enjoy doing.
Because dating and relationships will bring that out.
What about your life in this season do you enjoy most?
And share with us in the chat.
And if anybody wants to unmute
and kind of share what God has been showing them
that they really enjoy, I'd love to hear it.
We can spend a couple minutes here.
So what do you enjoy?
I'll share it.
Hi, April.
Missed a couple of weeks I was traveling,
but I did catch up at least on one call.
But I have discovered maybe within the last year or so,
riding my bike is like one of my favorite things.
And it has so many aspects to it that I really love.
It's the movement.
It's the being outside.
It's just all of that comes with that.
And it's really, because I have struggled in my life
to be able to name like, who am I?
What am I about?
What do I like?
And earlier on in my sort of online dating journey,
those kinds of questions were like, I felt kind of lost.
Like I don't have an answer.
And so it feels really great to say,
here's what I love doing.
And find different matches that say, I like that too.
And there's possibility of maybe doing that together
at some point.
And it's just been fun.
Yes, I love that.
So thank you, April, for sharing that.
Cause that was, and you touched on one of the reasons
why I felt in my heart.
to you know
activate you ladies into doing that because
As you all are starting to date and we do encourage you ladies to to jump on online dating
and I know that some of those things that people are like online dating or they have the questions of like
How do I answer that? Well the basic like what do you do for fun?
Like when I was in this program like I was tough
I was a single mom and I felt like I was always on the grind and like I don't know what I enjoy
I don't know what I like to do because a lot of times I'm doing stuff for my kid
Not that I didn't enjoy those things, but you know, what did I like? What did I want to do for myself?
And what did I hope that maybe somebody wanted to also do with me or had the same?
Interest and so that was kind of the prompting for you know
Doing this activations that you ladies start tapping in because you you don't realize
That you actually have things that you can talk about on a very surface level
You know about you as you're starting to get to know people because if you were like me, I was a deep diver
okay, like I wanted to go in and I wanted to talk about like
The hard hard work and the heartbreak and the issues and the struggles that I went through and talked about my testimony
With with guys that I didn't really know like they were really strangers and I'd find myself attaching
the guys really early on and
Sharing a deep part of myself and that left me feeling discouraged when things didn't work out
And so I really had to learn how to make small talk and how to you know, just share
You know good quality parts about myself
That allowed me to get to know people and
So that's why I prompt you ladies to start, you know, really spend time figuring out. What do you enjoy doing?
What makes you you right? And so I hope that that helped you
Now I'm gonna kind of prompt you here ladies for this coming week. I really want to encourage you ladies
to go watch supernatural Saturday as
Well as the Sunday night prayer call they are both posted and replay I
Just want to show of hands
How many of you watch Jackie's supernatural Saturday this past Saturday?
One two three. I see three of you four or five. Okay. I think there's probably a few more. Okay, I
Really really really want you to go spend some time with that. Okay
Watch it a second time even
Right take notes. What speaks to you?
Okay, because this week I really want you ladies spending time with the Lord and asking
What are you going to prune this season that you are going to make room for what you need to prioritize?
Okay, so for example
y'all are in this program because you want to be married and
This is the dating phase phase two is the dating phase, right?
We had we held you off in phase one because you really needed to do your heart work
Okay, heart work doesn't leave
Okay, you're still gonna do heart work in this season. Okay
It will stay with you ladies. Let me tell you even in your marriages. You're gonna do heart work
I still do heart work on a regular. Okay, so
Y'all are in this season and this this program
Because you desire and God has promised you relationship and marriage
So what things are you gonna prune in order to make this program and this season a priority?
All right, so
I'll just give you some nuggets of what Jackie shared in the call. Okay, but I still do I want you ladies going and
watching that
Right because it is this this program will help you create good habits
So that if there's a preparation period and you're gonna need to do some things that you might not have done in the past
Because it's gonna help you steward the promise of marriage and I say this from experience having been in this program
There was a lot of things that God took me through while in my single season in this group
that is
Really helped prepare me for the realities of marriage and being able to steward that okay
So just keep that in mind
So once you think about you know, what are what are you going to make? Are you making time for this?
Jackie brings up and she I love her because she says the hard things
where
Sometimes we get women in this community that they want to they want to leave this community and their excuse or their
reason is I don't have time. And we kind of laugh, not really
laugh, but we realize that do you really not have time? Or are
you just not making it a priority? And we're not saying
that to be negative, but it's a how many of you will and I admit
to this as well can mindlessly scroll through social media. We
spend hours scrolling through social media, hours Netflix,
Netflix watching, if we have, if we would remove some of that
stuff, and prune some of that stuff, would we have time to
make this mentorship, this training, this time of
relationships and dating and learning and gleaning from what
we have here at this community? Would we be able to make more
time? And would we actually fill our minds with some things that
you know, really can prepare us? All right. He also goes into
pruning. And so that's kind of where I really want you ladies
to go back, she, she breaks it down into like six, I think
there's six different cat like not categories, six different
things as to why people struggle with pruning. This was such a
I'm so glad that she came and did this teaching because it was
one of the teachings early on in this program when I when I started
back in October of 2020. That really changed my life. And so
I'm so thankful. And I think it was perfect timing for her to
even bring this to our community. Now, this ladies, it
is such a great foundation of preparing because she gives us I
mean, and in that call that Saturday call for those ladies
that listen to it, she really does talk about, you know, many,
many of us can go into this, this idea of wanting marriage
and relationship. And we want to stay we like our our lives the
way they are, we just want to add a person to them. But the
reality is, ladies, and I say this from my own experience is
your old life will change. It's no longer me, it's going to be
we and you're going to have to prune some things in marriage
and in relationship. And I think that's really important to start
that practice now. So definitely take a listen to it. It's why
I'm going to encourage you ladies this week to really be
focusing on what things do you need to prune and make space for
so that you can get the fullness of what God has for you. Okay. I
know it sometimes it's like, oh, we went through this. What do I
enjoy and I've got to remove some things. And then she goes
through some of the three categories. So that's like,
there's things that are already dead that you're going to prune.
Okay. There's things that are sick and dying and you need to
really focus. Okay, what's going to need more of my attention and
what's a I don't need to recess like do not resuscitate. Okay.
That's another category. And then there's going to be this is
the hardest and this was the biggest, like preparation for me
was pruning the good things for the great things. Giving things
your best. Yes. Okay. And so that was a big one for me. Like
God had me pruning some really good things all for what he was
preparing for me in marriage. Like I had to prune my church
and go to a new church. And I had been in that church for 10
years. Like I was like, what? Um, but it prepared me because I
was also really like one of my non negotiables was I wasn't
going to move. I was living in Florida and I did not want to
move Florida, move from Florida. And I held on to that y'all. I
was not willing to release that pen and it finally took me two
years in this program to finally be at the point like, okay, God,
I'm giving it up. I'm giving it all to you, whatever you want to
do. And as soon as I released that pen, a week later, my
husband dropped into my DMs and he was not living in Florida. He
was a Texan. And I now live in Texas y'all. Like I was not
going to move. I tell the story all the time. I was not going to
move, but I had to prune what was good about Florida and, and
Allow myself to realize that there was greatness and I'm still even having to work through there still this season of it's a struggle
I mean, I'm only I'm not even two years into a marriage and
There's times. It's there's a there's a hardship there. I'm like, ah, I
Really missed some parts of my life in Florida
But I also know that God's got great things that he's moving here in Texas and relationships and things that are great for my kids
All right, we're blending a family I came to the the table with one little who's nine now
Who's in you know travel baseball, which I don't think he would have had the same opportunities in Florida with his baseball as he does here
in Texas
So I know like God's moving in that direction. I have two
bonus children that I think you know really benefited and really needed to stay here because they had a lot of trauma in their
Lives and then we're adding to that and I think they're growing and they're having to prune some good things for great as well
And learn some lessons, but it's all good. It's all for the preparation period
So that's kind of one and I want to spend a few minutes on
Covering that and then I'm gonna prompt you ladies with another question. I want you spend time thinking about
be open to kind of
Raising your hand sharing what it is that you want to share that prompts you with this and
Then we can go into some of your questions as well. Okay, just reminder
Short, brief and powerful when you come to questions. We got about 45 minutes of this call
Okay
So as you're stepping into this dating phase, okay, I want you ladies focusing on
Enjoying the process and I know sometimes that gets a struggle
Okay, I see I see, you know the frustrations and some of the things that God's starting to reveal and heal
But I really do want you ladies remind remembering and reminding yourself. That is
As much as the dating process can feel
Uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable because you do are you're doing things differently now
And I really want you ladies reminding yourself that this dating process can be fun it can be
enjoyable, okay and
Leaving that future
to God's
Plan to write. Okay, we can get in our heads about what the future
We want to look like as we're dating as we're getting to know people both. Oh, well, you know, he's this way
He's that way. I really want you focusing on
Releasing that pen to allow God to write that love story
Yes, Ebony said joy in the journey, yes, yes, yes
This is why ladies. I love Jenna that you're you're going on to Ebony's calls as well ladies
I want you if you can make it okay again, you're only in this phase four to five weeks
Minimum, okay. I'm not saying that you some of you ladies want to hang on a little bit
We're fine with that if you need to process through some things
But I really want you to spend the next four or five weeks make room
To join these calls live the one o'clock Eastern Time and the eight o'clock Eastern Time
It's really got some really good stuff in here and then y'all get to hear all the ladies
You know questions and what you bring what questions you bring will actually help heal others in this community as well
And a lot of you ladies will have some similarities of things that you're going through
You'll be like you'll be surprised just how much breakthrough you can get through each other
I say it because I even experienced it when I was single in this program
So I want you ladies. I'm gonna miss what you just ladies to sit with this question
How is God using dating to heal areas of your heart what things are beginning to surface
That you're seeing as
You're stepping into this idea of dating. Maybe maybe you're getting out on dates. Maybe God's revealing some things to you
Because you're maybe hesitant to go out on dating. What are some things that are being brought up?
Because remember this is a dating for discovery. You're gonna discover more about what you like and what you don't like in men
But you're also gonna do a lot of discovery of yourself
And there's gonna be some things that are gonna surface that are gonna be areas that God wants to heal
So that you can steward the gift of relationship and marriage
And so they're gonna be some things that you're gonna need to make room for and heal
from
So that you can steward the blessing of a relationship
Everybody's got their own
own
journey, okay, so remember not everyone's journey is going to look the same.
Own
I really had to work on my identity when I joined this program.
Own
Stephanie, you agree? Yep. You have, you haven't, you did the same thing.
Own
Stephanie, I, again, thank you. I know I shared this on your post,
Own
but that rawness and realness that you shared in your video,
she spent three minutes y'all just really sharing her heart,
what God is doing in her. I saw so much.
I've seen so much breakthrough through Stephanie because she, again,
she's so intentional about showing up in this community. Ladies,
I cannot stress enough when y'all show up,
so much breakthrough happens.
Like I I'm so humbled and blessed when you ladies do that.
And so Stephanie, thank you. Your,
your share really blessed me of what you worked through.
So ladies be,
be ready to come in this phase and just allow God to really work through you and
be willing and ready to be raw and real in this community.
And I know for some of you, that might be difficult. I kind of art,
I can feel it right now,
whether it's somebody on this call or somebody in replay,
you've been hurting community and me even just mentioning you,
just mentioning you coming and being vulnerable and real is going to stir
something up in you.
And I really want you to press into the Holy spirit with what the Lord wants to
do in your heart to heal that area of community.
And it can be here.
There's so much healing that can take place. I've seen it. I've been in the,
like I said, I've been in this program for almost five years. Y'all.
I've seen it being single and I've seen it now as a coach.
I've been coaching for over a year, about a year and a half now.
And I've seen so much breakthrough happen when people show up and get real and
vulnerable and just raw. All right.
So I want you to be thinking what, what's coming to surface,
what areas is God starting to reveal to you that he wants to start healing in
this dating process? Okay.
All right. I'm going to open the floor for questions.
Go ahead and raise your avatar hand.
I'm going to do my very best to get as many questions as possible in this 40
next 45 minutes. And then if I can't get to your question,
show up at eight o'clock, I will reach out to Ebony and say, Hey,
these are the girls that I didn't get to. And so if they come,
please make sure that you make space for them.
Okay. Gotcha. I got you, Ruth. If you're,
I'm so sorry that you're feeling under the weather. We're praying for you.
Supernatural healing. So yeah,
if we can't get to you and you can make eight o'clock,
I'll do my best to share with Ebony. And then if I can't get to you,
share in the app. If you can't come to the eight o'clock,
share your question in the app and we will do our best to get to that in a
timely manner.
Okay. So I've got six, I'm going to write these down so I don't forget.
Okay.
Give me just a minute.
I just want to make sure I'm getting everybody down that I see.
Okay.
All right. I got six.
Okay. I got Heather, Jenna, Michelle, Lissette, Madison, and Mary Scott.
Okay. And then if anybody else in this,
in this time period, throw your hand up. Okay. So Heather,
I'm going to come to you first. How are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Fantastic. So what's your question? Let's be short, brief, and powerful.
I have two questions.
I'm going to start with the first one and then I'm going to go to the next one.
Okay. So I'm going to start with the first one.
What's your question? Let's be short, brief, and powerful.
I have two, two things. One is a little mini update, which is,
okay. I'm in, I'm in a different state from where I want to be.
Like I split my time between New York and Colorado.
I'm in Colorado right now. And one of the things that goes with your question
of how's God healing maybe,
but it's also bringing up is new limiting beliefs.
I didn't know I had. And I realized that
part of my singleness I'm sure is because Mayor Joyce symbolized
a loss of freedom and ability to go after my dreams. And so I'm working on that.
But it's also rearing that because I'm here and I want to be on the East coast,
I don't want to date here. And so I'm,
I'm struggling because I mean, everything is really long distance
and I might be missing out on somebody nice here, but
I'm going to be in New York next week. And I feel like
I'm basically.
putting effort, really putting effort into my online connections and like trying to line up
like you know five dates in a week or whoever I'm talking to or whatever and I feel like that makes
me feel a little bit nuts or rushing because I've been really hesitant and I'm one of the guys I was
talking to had intimated he was going to come out here and then he ghosted me basically the last two
weeks so I guess I'm wondering if that that's a good strategy since I'm like I'm gonna be in
out there for like a week and a half um it might be a little hectic this is all online right you're
doing online dating okay yeah in your online dating profile do you share that you split your
time in two different places and do you share that your heart is to be on the east coast um
I think I'll check and see how I word it but I I do I say I I go back and forth between
Colorado and New York because I do have a home here okay and I don't know if I'm just doing this
and limiting my options because I'd rather not dig in long term here but it makes dating hard
yeah so I think it's really good um one thing I just kind of feel prompted to share with you
ladies I think it's very good to be very transparent and communicate when you're dating
especially on those online profiles I mean you know I don't want you ladies like divulging all
the information I mean because again we need we need to be very short, brief, and powerful in our
profiles as well but I think it helps to kind of sift out the men that are gonna if they're
looking at your profile they at least have some idea so that you're very up front like look
this is I I live here and here my desire is to be here so that if you are dating in Colorado
the men already have an idea that you're also split your time in New York and that your heart
is to be in New York okay now what I will prompt you to do is to spend time with the Lord and
and again kind of this is going to be some heart stuff really spending time and asking
is what's your what's your reason for wanting to spend time in New York is there any fears
of why you don't want to stay in Colorado like is it literally divine from heaven or is are you
having a limited thought process there does that make sense yeah and I do base my profile out of
New York for that reason my career is mostly out of New York my family's been here but people are
older who are going to be going places and I don't want to be out here long term I don't mind
having a place but okay and if you feel like that's divine from heaven I don't I don't see
that that being an issue at all and again God knows where you're going to be what he's placed
in your heart and he's going to have someone that's going to partner with that so I don't
want you to feel like you're limiting yourself but again as long as you're being very transparent
and open like hey I'd like to get to know you better just to you know be aware I'm my heart is
you know I spend a lot of time in New York that's kind of where I'm going to lead so if you are
setting up dates in Colorado you're being very upfront with men about what this looks like and
then that way the men get to decide do I want to spend time getting to know someone because maybe
they're realizing you know what I don't I don't want to stay in Colorado either I'm I'm open to
to you know relationship you know moving and whatnot okay okay that's why I always we do
coach you ladies like when you do this whole online thing like if you are open to long distance
dating be open to it but understand what that what that entails long distance dating requires time and
money I and I say it because I was me and my husband I was in Florida he was in Texas before
we got engaged and got married and so we had to be intentional with our time and we had and we knew
that there was cost that you have to like you're gonna have to travel to see somebody right you
can't have a long distance relationship of not being face to face with somebody so if you ladies
are open to moving be open to all of that and be very straightforward and if you're open to long
distance but you know you can't move express that because there are men that are open to long
distance that are willing to relocate all right but again we really do encourage that if you are
dating long distance that you're going to have a face-to-face in-person date within three to six
weeks okay
Long-distance dating requires a little more effort and it will also men that
want their intentional and their marriage minded you're gonna see that in
a long distance so I don't want you ladies getting into these long-distance
relationships where the men are just not making any sort of intentional effort to
see you spend time with you because that's where you're gonna see if men
are kind of holding you kind of captive if you will like that's why it's
important to bring those relationships and what you're experiencing to the
community so Heather I don't think it's a bad thing that you're opening like
that you're keeping it open now what I don't want you to do I don't want you to
overwhelm yourself okay I sent some of that you're like five dates five days in
a week I picked a number I don't know I do have one quick question okay
regarding that so the guy I was talking to which it's been you know like a month
or something and he was I was saying I would I could come out there and he's
like well I can come out there too and then I haven't really heard from him
gotten back to me since Easter and it may be because he's like maybe it's the
distance but he's on these because he's in Philly I don't New York Philly
whatever tri-state reasonable East Coast and so even though he hasn't really
gotten back to me it doesn't make sense to reach out and say hey I am coming
that way or do I need because he hasn't made the effort maybe like so this is
where we kind of like we talked about that drop the hanky so you guys right
um it's okay you know you I'm guessing you guys have not met in person at first
ladies it's okay to kind of drop the hanky for the first date the first in
person so I don't think it's you know I would coach you ladies it's okay to say
hey I'm gonna be in the area this time and during this time and this time do
you have any availability for us to get together let's go play some putt-putt
let's go axe throwing let's go bowling let's go on a hike picnic whatever you
know and just say do you I'm here I'm here from this time to this time does
that is there anything in your schedule for us to meet in person and then and
then if he doesn't come with it after that drop the hanky and if he doesn't
initiate it's okay doesn't mean that you have to block him it doesn't mean
that he's okay just because he didn't respond in that time but I mean I've
seen some guys they just have stuff going on and then they realize like a
month or two later that they have time to invest and so again we don't want to
this is why we coach you ladies to be open to dating a couple people at one
time and you don't have to shut doors on people that might not be showing an
interest right away okay now you are going to want men to be intentional okay
so don't hear what I'm not saying like I don't want you hanging on to some of
these men that literally month after month week after week that they're not
showing up that they're intentional after the first in-person meetup after
that first in-person meetup you're gonna communicate I really enjoyed myself I
would love to do this again and then we're gonna want the men to initiate
that second in-person date but do not be worried or feel like you're not allowed
to initiate at least the first meetup cuz some men need a little extra push
there do you like action just like that all right so it's okay to initiate the
first meeting and then after the first date you still need to communicate that
you enjoyed yourself that you want to do it again but then we really do want them
to initiate that second meetup does that help yeah I drop the hanky let him know
hey I'm gonna be in town would love to get together would love to get to know
you better you know let's go bowling let's go mini-golf let's do you know
something the reason I say that too is we really do encourage you ladies to do
active dates Jackie is a big proponent of not doing the just basic sit-down breakfast
lunch dinner coffee because it can turn into like interview ish sometimes those
active dates kind of let the nerves kind of come down a little bit where you're
actually doing something you can see more of their personality I did a second
date with my husband at an arcade and I could see his competitive nature which I
liked cuz I'm competitive I'm a baseball mom y'all I need someone that can like be competitive
So, I was looking for that and it was fun, like we got to have a little bit of banter,
you know.
I beat his butt in some like, you know, racing game and I got to be like, I'm better than
you.
He's like, well, no, I let you in.
I'm like, no, you didn't because I saw you really trying to beat me and it didn't happen.
And so, we had a good laugh at that and I could see that he could hang with the competitiveness.
Okay.
So, have fun.
Have fun on your dates, ladies.
Go do fun stuff.
Okay.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
Thank you.
Jenna, how are you?
I'm doing good.
How are you?
Good to see you.
What's your question?
Okay.
I want to know if we should take guys at their surface value when they are communicating
with us.
So, I have been interacting with this guy regularly.
He's in kind of a leadership position for something my kids and I are involved in, but
he is being very flirtatious.
Went to dinner with us like after the event one night, but he kind of said something last
week that was like, he had called me, number one, but he was like, what else would we have
to talk about except blah, blah, blah that we're involved in?
And I was like, that's an interesting statement.
And I felt like he was being pretty sarcastic.
But I also like...
You think he was...
So, you think he was kind of wanting you to kind of show interest and like flirt back
with him?
Do you think it was kind of like a statement to kind of see what he was going to pull from
you?
I wonder.
That's why I'm asking.
Like, how do you...
How did you respond to him when he said that?
I said, I think we have plenty to talk about.
And then I followed up with something that he had mentioned at dinner and that I had
like looked into a little bit more.
And then...
Which was what?
It was about, he made the funny comment about females and I was like, oh, are we church
of Christ here?
And so then we kind of got into a little conversation about women in leadership in the church, but
I had said to him like, oh, we're going to have to talk about this like later, not in
this aspect.
Cause we're like at dinner with my kids.
Like we're not going to talk about that.
Right.
So he's in leadership at...
Is he leadership at your church?
No, I'll be specific.
It's a little uncomfortable that he's my son's basketball coach.
Okay.
So I have been like, I've been like cautiously flirting back with him because he is my son's
basketball coach and that's just like awkward, but it ends in two weeks.
So honestly, yesterday I just said to him like, Hey, this is super awkward.
I'm not good at flirting.
I would like to go out with you if you want to go out with me.
I love that Jenna.
That is amazing.
Yeah.
Like let's celebrate that ladies.
Let's do that.
Well, okay.
To drop the hanky.
Let's do it.
So what was his response?
Way to go girl.
Well, he was like, thank you so much.
That is like such a kind thing.
I was like, I know it's weird.
Cause you're my son's basketball coach.
And he was like, yes.
He was like, but I have really enjoyed getting to know you and your family.
So, and then I was like, okay, bye.
Cause we were leaving practice.
So I don't know what, if anything will come of it, but I like, but I'm also like when
he made the comment, he was like, what, what else do we have to talk about?
Like I'm your son's basketball coach.
And so I don't want to be dismissive of something that someone's saying, but I was also like,
is he being flirty or should I have like listened to that statement?
You know what I mean?
I think, you know, I think you handled it very well.
Like again, you don't know.
I mean, and you responded, you're like, well, actually we have other things to talk about.
And then I think you, you know, again, you've kind of took that as an invitation of like,
look, I'm going to put it out here.
I don't want to get to know you on a different level.
And I know it's kind of awkward cause you're my son's coach, but look, I would like to
get to know you more on a different level if you're open to that.
And now you get to be, you would put it in his court, right?
And now he gets to take that on.
Now, here's the thing, whether he picks the ball up and decides to do something with it,
that's on him.
I want you to just sit.
You did something that was a bit uncomfortable, right?
I call it bold.
I was bold.
You were bold.
Yeah.
And I think that a lot of times that is very difficult for us ladies to do ladies.
Sometimes there's, there's some of you on this call that need to, to really soak that
in and just be like, you know what?
I'm going to, I'm going to be bold.
I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and I'm just going to put it out there.
And then.
Remembering that how someone responds is not a reflection of you.
Well, I really was working a muscle there.
You realistically, that's why I did that because I was like, this flirtation is
confusing to me and I'm not trying to be showed up like confused all the time.
The basketball season ends in two weeks, so it'll be over and I won't have to see
him again if it's awkward for him, but I'm like, I just put myself out there.
You know, there you go.
And ladies, that's like, I want you ladies.
Like that's the coming out of hiding part.
Be bold, put yourself out there.
All right.
It's going to, it might stir.
It might bring some things up to the surface and we can unpack that stuff.
But ladies, it's okay to get step out of your comfort zone.
Do the bold things, show men that they're, that you're interested in them.
It's okay to drop that hanky.
All right.
I'm like, Jenna, I'm so proud of you.
Thanks.
And I think you, like I said, he, he was very surface about it, but that's
what I'm saying, it's okay to be curious about what men say and ask more questions.
I like, I, I coach that a lot.
I see this happen over the last several months that communication.
Really, really, really is important, especially in these
beginning stages of relationship and getting to know people.
Do not be afraid to communicate and share what's going on.
Be bold.
Oh, I guess if they ask, if they make a comment like that, we can
just say, what do you mean?
You know, like, because otherwise he made this comment, um, a totally
different day and he was like, it's your world, I'm just living in it.
And I was like, yeah, that's true.
But then when he came back around, I just, um, read a book about
offensives and we've talked about offensive in this community.
And I said to him, I'm like, that was a little offensive to me and I'm
trying to figure out why, you know?
So yeah.
Yeah.
Ladies, it's okay to communicate.
It really, really is ask more questions.
I can't tell you, I see it all the time.
And interactions with when you ladies are dating and level two, people get kind
of like stirred up on, on something that a man does and they're in, you can trust
me, I'm a woman that does this frequently.
I can assume I can, you know, map it out in my head.
Like, well, what do you meant by this?
I mean, I didn't even do it with my husband.
Like my husband did this, like, this is what he meant by it.
And it's completely false.
And my husband's like, you need to learn to ask more questions.
I'm like, you're right.
I do.
I need to ask more questions.
Especially in areas of conflict, like areas of like, you know, being upset about
things it's, Hey, ask more questions.
So don't be afraid to ask men questions.
Ask for more clarification.
What do you mean by this?
And, and, and go from there and yeah, be bold.
Ladies.
I love it.
Love it.
All right.
You're welcome, Michelle.
You're you're up next.
It took me a second to get unmuted.
Um, okay.
So I'm going to try to be succinct.
I've been seeing somebody for a while and I'm just, I think I'm trying to figure
out what the next step should be.
What I should be expecting from him.
If there's something that I need to do, any conversations I should initiate.
Um, how long have you guys been seeing each other?
Well, we've been connected for eight weeks.
We connected on a dating app.
Um, we have only went out four times.
Okay.
That's that's two months, four dates.
Yeah.
Was he has, so we've seen each other every other weekend when he doesn't have kids.
Do you have kids?
I do not know.
Kids.
Um, did you, how long have you been in phase two?
Um, so we, I've been in phase two for a month.
We like artwork.
I like had matched with him, like right before I think I joined.
And so I like tabled it a little bit and we did go to coffee, but it started so
slow that it was kind of like, I didn't think it was going to be a thing.
If that makes sense.
As in like a message here, they're kind of a thing.
Um, okay.
So tell me what you like about him.
Um, so what fruit does he have?
I think Nick is a, is a great guy.
Um, he is a, he's a mental health counselor for kids and teenagers.
So.
Yeah, I mean, he's a, he's a great guy.
Um, I think he's, he's a great guy.
and I am a behavioral intervention specialist
I think he's a great person.
I think he's a great leader.
for kids and teenagers.
So we have a lot of shared.
I think we have like a very similar worldview.
We're both very empathetic people.
We have very good conversations.
I always feel like our time together
is kind of like goes fast.
He's really attractive.
He's very sweet.
I think he's somebody who, I mean, I guess
this is sort of stereotypical of being a counselor.
He is very communicative and like,
I feel like we could build a healthy relationship
with probably a lot of women, to be honest.
He was cheated on multiple times in his previous marriage.
And so anyways, I don't need to get into all that,
but so there's really nothing.
How long were you guys dating?
I'm gonna cut you off.
How long were you guys dating
before you found out that he was cheated on?
Okay, so he told me everything
the first phone conversation.
So yeah, I think to see,
do you still wanna go out with me kind of a thing?
Yeah, and ladies, we coach you ladies
not to do those deep dives,
but it doesn't mean that men are not gonna
just lay it on the table
because they're not being coached probably
to not do the same thing.
My husband did the same thing.
So it's not necessarily a red flag,
but it will be a yellow flag.
Okay, and you're gonna wanna see,
okay, he's divulging all this information.
You don't wanna do those trauma bond things, okay?
And then you start feeling sucked in.
Oh, he's such a great guy and all these things happen.
You wanna be very vigilant in your dates
and getting to know someone.
That's why we do coach you ladies to have a level two.
So again, dating 101, in that video,
we talk about the levels of relationship,
what level two dating or discovery looks like,
where you're doing, you're learning more
about the here and now.
Okay, you don't wanna know,
you don't wanna dig in the X files
and that sort of thing does not mean
you're not gonna find that information out.
We're gonna coach you on how to kind of put boundaries up
before because you can get very emotionally involved.
And then there can be confusion.
And like, again, you're stepping into this like,
now you kind of put all your eggs in one basket
with one person and then you're not really sure
if you're emotionally connected,
you're not gonna see red flags,
not saying that this is happening in your situation,
Michelle, I'm just, again, I'm taking this
from a coaching standpoint for everybody here
and on the call right now.
Okay, so first phone call,
he kind of divulges this information.
What was your response to all of that?
I think I mostly just listened, honestly.
I didn't say, I don't remember saying a whole lot about it.
Good, good, good.
You know, just being a listening ear,
sometimes even just kind of redirecting.
Like, you know, I really appreciate you trusting me
with that information.
Why don't we, before we kind of dig into those type
of details, let's really spend time getting
to know each other first.
Again, so I'm coaching this to all the women, okay?
So obviously, Michelle, like you've known him
for two months, you can't kind of go back to that, okay?
But again, for those ladies,
when these type of things happen,
that's how you can set a boundary and respond to them.
Because men will do this, all right?
Men will divulge all the information,
especially if they've been hurt in their past,
they don't wanna put themselves in that same situation,
so they're gonna put it out on the table, all right?
But we can redirect.
Okay, so you're not sure where this is going, right?
I think there've been some things that have caused me
to be a little bit confused.
And then I also have, from the beginning,
for me, I've questioned the relocation keys
for me personally, because he's about two hours away.
That was like a hard and fast deal breaker
for me for a long time.
And I'm trying to be more open,
but it's also, obviously, I've never dated anybody
with kids and shared parenting before,
mentally trying to process that,
oh, so for the rest of almost forever,
we have to stay in this little,
that's a pretty overwhelming thing for me.
Okay.
Especially because literally no one
in my extended family included
has ever moved more than 15 minutes away.
My parents already have a piece of their farm
they wanna give me.
So I've always mentally been here.
So that's been a lot to process.
But then that's one part of my question.
When is it appropriate to start asking those kinds
of questions of, hey, not saying we're gonna get married,
but down the road, where do you need to be?
Where do you see yourself geographically?
And then also, he's just been
little confusing for me because he has told me he's not seeing
anybody else, which caused me to feel bad for talking to other
guys. But yeah, we only see each other every other weekend. He's
not calling me a lot. He calls me like once a week. He works. I
mean, he is working like 70 hours a week because he's in a
master's program. So he's doing a practicum and then he has the
kids. So his capacity, I think is pretty limited. So I'm
concerned about the possible relocation. I'm also concerned
about does he have the time for a long distance relationship? But
I don't. And I questioning should I still be seeing other
people like those? I mean, I'm kind of just trying to figure
out I guess, okay, how do I do? I
were all these are all really good questions. And I think, you
know, we do see it. These many of these times caught questions
come up in this phase. I think this is good to unpack. Um, so
there's a couple things that I wrote down. Okay. The this is
this again, is going to go towards like, you having to go
spend some time with Holy Spirit, and seeing what comes
to surface. So you brought up, you feel bad. You feel bad
because he, here's the thing you you even mentioned that he
works 70 hours, he has his kids every other weekend, does he have
them 5050? Or does he have them only every other weekend?
He has them almost 50. So like some days, he dropped Saturday
at 10am. Sometimes he has them Saturday. Okay.
Him only spending time with you is probably that's all he has
the capacity for. My question to you is, where does the concern
and the feeling bad come from? What's the root of that? And
let's, let's unpack that a little bit, like, why feel bad,
because he's got kids, he's got a lot on his plate, you don't
necessarily do. He hasn't come to. Because again, we, we talk
about the levels of relationship level two is that discovery
dating, you're just getting to know someone level three is
exclusivity, where you're just dating that one person. And we
encourage you ladies to leave that level to the men to
initiate. Okay, so if he has not come out and said, Look, I want
to exclusively date just you, what are your thoughts on that?
Then you can say, Okay, I'd be open to it. But there's some
other things that I want to unpack here before I agree to us
working this out, like whether or not we get an exclusive
relationship or not. And so once Okay, so ladies, the level two
relationship that getting to know you face, that's where
you're gonna you're just getting to know the surface level of
them. That's like two or three dates. Do you enjoy their
company? Do they have fruit? Do you enjoy some of the same
things? Do you have fun with them? Okay, you might start
seeing yellow flags in those in those first two or three dates.
Then as you move on into like after a month to two months,
you're gonna start getting more in depth questions, you're gonna
start getting to know them on a deeper level. Okay, we're not
saying phase two, you don't ever get to know them on a deeper
level. We just don't want you going to that deeper level. In
the first two or three days, been time getting to know them
in the here and now. And then after three, four dates, over at
least a month of getting to know them, you're seeing some good
fruit, you think you might be interested in getting to know
them on a more deeper level, then you can have that
appropriate conversation like, hey, we've been we've known each
other now for eight weeks, we've gone on four dates. You know,
what's this look like for you? Like we were long distance. And
I think this before you have this conversation with the
Michelle, I think it is going to be important for you to kind of,
again, go process with the Lord. Are you open to relocating? What
fears are coming up for you that might start surfacing at the
thought that you might have to move? Because here's the reality
of it, ladies, and I'm going to just I'm going to be very blunt
about it. If you ladies are going to date with date men that
have children, you're going to have to be open and willing that
there's parent, co parenting things. And that's important.
Like, I'm just gonna be real. Okay. I came into my
relationship with the child. And so did my my husband now my
husband's former
she had passed so we didn't have any issues there. Now my situation, my son's
dad was in his life but he also was checking himself out so it opened me up
to being able to relocate but that was one of those things was a God thing for
me because I was not open to relocating my child away from his dad. Now he ended
up God supernaturally shifted him out of the state from Florida to Michigan
which opened the door for me to be able to relocate. All right that does not
typically happen. All right so when there's parent sharing things in place
especially in the courts people are not going to be able to relocate if they
have children so you have to be very open in the very beginning if you are
going to date someone long distance or someone who has parent sharing things
you're gonna have to ask yourself do you have the capacity to be able to do that
and if you do God is gonna give you the grace for that. So I think that's gonna
be the hard question Michelle that you're gonna have to kind of go to the
Lord with are you willing to relocate because it sounds like this man shares
his kids with his late his former wife and he's not gonna be able to move. When
do I need to know that? I guess that's you're gonna need to know whether or not
you're gonna move forward with him you're gonna need to know you're gonna
need to sort that out within yourself because otherwise you're gonna get
yourself into more confusion because you're not sure whether or not you want
to do it and you're gonna continue to get more invested with this guy and it's
gonna lead to more confusion so I think this is when you need to kind of spend
some time what is holding you back from going all in with the idea of relocating
and I'm not saying that this is your spirit mate and that you're gonna have
to do it but I think there's gonna be some things that surface that maybe
again you're gonna want to unpack and do some hard work on okay and I'm gonna
I'm gonna be a little hard with you right now I hope that you you receive
this in love this is one of the reasons why we really encourage you ladies in
phase one not to do the dating okay it sounds like you were in phase one and
you started this relationship and it really does allow there's there's
distraction when we're dating in phase one okay now we can't go back and turn
the pages and it's not it's not a death sentence okay we can work on some of
this hard work and unpacking some of that that's why I'm encouraging you to
spend some time and let's get to the surface of do you want to relocate if
you don't what's holding you back what fears anxious thoughts are surfacing and
what hard work might need to take place in order to help get you there what I
don't want to see is that you just keep investing in this and then it just it
ties you even harder that if this is not really God's design and plan for you
that you're gonna kind of keep yourself in that waiting room or again you know
getting more involved with someone that maybe it's not not God's design for you
does that make sense it does I think
you're timing out I don't know if you're
does anybody else have her frozen yeah okay
okay Madison I see your message and so that you have to jump in I will I will
if I have time here actually we're running running kind of low on time I
will respond Madison to you in the app with some of my thoughts to unpack some
things so we can kind of start that process and then next week if you want
to come I can take your question first and we can unpack a little bit more
about what your question is if that works okay also Mary you're gonna okay
that would be fantastic I don't know did did Michelle jump off I think she her
connection got a little spotty
okay well for sake of time maybe Michelle will pop back on and then I
think she might have even posted in the app too and I will follow back up with
her and ladies I want you to again I don't want I want you ladies to be able
to come with your questions and get real and vulnerable I also want you again I
want you ladies to hear my heart that some of this stuff we will pull we'll
have some hard conversations with you it's the whole part and it's not to be
discouraging
It really is to kind of help you ladies pull to the surface what God wants to do in your heart.
All right. And I think I'm so thankful that Michelle brought this question because I think
it's a conversation really important to have in this phase because I see frequently people get in
a relationship with long distance, people get in relationship with kids, and we really need to be
very transparent and understand what that looks like. Long distance relationships are not for the
faint of heart. And again, if you have the capacity for it, there is a supernatural grace
that can take place. But I think we have to get really real and vulnerable with ourselves and ask
ourselves these questions in the very beginning. What fears are coming up with the idea because
God will put us in sometimes some of you ladies are going to be in long distance relationships.
Some of you ladies are going to be in relationships where kids are involved, where maybe you didn't
think that that was part of the plan. And so God is going to start bringing those things to surface
and start working on your heart in those areas because he has called you to that.
I never thought I was going to marry someone that had children. Yet I came with a kid.
And so when my husband came, I was like, Oh yeah, that's totally fine. Y'all like God really has
been working with me in this. There's a lot of stuff now. Thank God. I know he partnered me and
my husband together because he had a purpose for us and for our kids. He didn't just come to us
He didn't just call me to be my husband's wife or my husband. He called me to be his wife because
he has two kids that I really do believe I'm in their life to help them in their healing.
They're in my life to help me in my healing. Same thing with my son, my husband and his kids
are part of my son's healing process too. Doesn't mean that it's easy, but it does mean it's worth
it. And so God has to work through things and he's going to pull things out of us. And he's
going to be gentle with it, but we also have to be very real with it as well. So I hope that
you ladies hear that. Okay. And hear it with love. All right. There's going to be hard things that
we're going to do in this phase, but we get to do it within community and we get to do it together.
All right. And I'm going to be gentle with you all, but I'm also going to be very real. And I'm
going to be very hard with you at times because I know that God has good things for you and he's
going to have good healing for you ladies as well. And yes, Mary, it's the pruning, the good
for the great. Yes, it really is. Good, good things. All right. I'm going to take Lisette
and then we're going to go ahead and end the call because we're running out of time here.
So Lisette, thank you so much for being patient. How are you? What's your question today?
I'm good. I just wanted to also give an update because I haven't like come on camera here during
the live. I usually hear the replay. So update is that I have gone on like eight dates, well,
like four in person and four video dates and none of them really worked out for one reason or other,
but I just, I don't know. I think I get, so I'm like verbal processing a little bit here, but
I think I get very impatient sometimes because I feel like I'm putting in effort and I don't get a
lot of effort back. And so I'm just like trying to decipher when is a good time to like cut some
people off like that. I'm like, I talked to, you know, I talked to guys and it's like, oh, it's
like sometimes it's a good conversation or sometimes it's not, not that great or whatever.
And then they just don't follow up at all. Like, I just don't hear from them. Like, and I'm like,
okay, I don't know if I just like unmatched cause I'm just going to assume that they're
uninterested. Or if I leave them sitting there for like a while, like, I don't even, I don't know.
It just kind of like annoys me that it bugs me to like leave them there and be like, like I could,
cause I don't want to get overwhelmed also by matching with too many people at the same time.
So I turned my profile off. Like I'll pause my dating. I'm on hinge specifically and I'll
pause it. And then I'm like, okay, but these guys now I have like three guys in here or whatever.
And then all of a sudden, none of them are messaging after this weekend. And so I'm like,
okay, well that's a waste of time. Let me just, I don't know. Yeah. I think I get too impatient
about it. Maybe. I think that's good. So again, I think, you know, this, all that, what you're
saying, I definitely experienced it myself. 100%. But it's kind of.
And that's kind of the part of sometimes online dating.
It's like, okay, it's not feeling overwhelmed.
It's kind of taking it in strides
and sorting through all of that.
That's not uncommon.
Okay, what you're experiencing is not uncommon.
Where I think it's really beneficial,
especially being in this program
is that we can start unpacking it a little bit, okay?
Using these opportunities and recognizing,
okay, I'm impatient, I'm putting in effort,
I'm feeling frustrated because they're not.
So now what we get to do is we get to go through our heartwork.
Okay, why am I feeling this way?
What thoughts and beliefs are starting to surface
as to why I'm feeling frustrated?
And let's unpack that and say,
okay, what am I believing is a lie
and what's God say about it?
And what's God's truth about it?
And let's start replacing that.
And this could be that part of that process
of growing and healing of like,
okay, I'm frustrated because guys aren't showing up.
Guys aren't putting in the effort.
Are there beliefs that you're aligning with,
with men and their ability to show up?
Is there anything that, again,
we're wanting to get to those core beliefs
so that we can start unpacking that
and really start shedding light on God's truth
and healing from those things.
I had to do the same thing.
I'm showing up, I'm doing all the things,
but no one, I mean, y'all,
I cannot tell you how many first dates I had
or how many conversations I had
that I thought were going somewhere
and the guys just literally disappear.
And I'm like, what?
And I had to start realizing a lot of it,
I had these beliefs of rejection.
I had these beliefs of not being worthy enough.
And I had to really go to the Lord with it.
Like, okay, where did this surface?
Where's the root?
And God used all of those situations
to start healing me and growing me
so that once I was really working through that,
when that situation happened again,
I was like, oh, okay, that just must not be my spirit mate.
I'm moving on to the next one.
And I found myself that as I started unpacking that stuff
and really started finding out
where those root beliefs were
and what God actually said
and replacing those lies with his truth
and then putting that into practice,
I got so much more healing
and I was able to move through this process
a lot more smoother and really being like,
okay, God, I know you have what's best for me.
And I'm under God's protection,
I'm under God's, you know,
he's protecting me and he's, you know,
we talk about being God-defended.
Guys are removing themselves
and I would get frustrated with it,
but then I was like, no, I want those guys
to remove themselves
because I don't want them entering in
into this like confusing back and forth,
like, okay, what is this?
What is it not?
And then I'm left confused and trying to decide,
do I stick onto this guy?
Do I not?
I was really working all of that out.
So you bring up a lot of really great things
and so my response to you is,
let's start figuring out where,
what beliefs are you aligning with
that's attaching that frustration?
Okay, because yes, we don't want you to get overwhelmed.
I think it's great that, you know,
you get a couple guys that you're communicating with,
you're gonna put things on pause
so you don't get overwhelmed
and then if they kind of stop,
like if they're kind of bowing themselves out,
I mean, as long as you are reciprocating effort, okay?
And if they kind of are showing no effort,
you don't have to,
like you just wanna match their efforts
and if they kind of take themselves out,
you don't have to remove them,
you don't have to unmatch them,
you don't have to block them
unless they're being completely inappropriate
and there's like glaring red flags.
You can leave them there
because who knows, maybe they'll circle back around
and just, again, leaving God in charge,
you know, releasing all of that
to God's supernatural surrender
and then, okay, they start, you know,
I've got three or four guys I'm talking to,
I'm gonna put things on pause
and then maybe guys are not reciprocating much effort,
unpause yourself, see if another few filter in
and it's okay just to let that surface, okay?
But what I wanna get to is
what emotions and feelings are starting to surface up in you
and how can we use this as an opportunity
to upgrade what God's truth is and grow and heal
because ladies, the dating process
will uncover more healing.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah.
thank you okay yeah all right you have any other thoughts before we we we check out here with
anything that i just shared with you what anything that um i mean yeah like i just have to be
like i like to just like check things off the list and like so i just want to get rid of them
like i'm like oh i don't see effort so i just like i just want to get rid of them
but yeah like i mean it really doesn't affect me either way to like leave it there um i know
like for me like and it's funny because i don't even think about this like i was thinking about
this yesterday but like in the past the people that i have dated they've always like needed me
like they've relied on me like i've never been able to rely on somebody else like
in a dating relationship like like i have you know everything else like my family's great you know
um and church community is great and all that but like in dating relationships specifically
i've never felt like the ability to just lean on somebody else like it's always been
you know they're emotional or they're going through something or whatever it is
so like you've kind of taken on that masculine role yeah i guess yeah and so that maybe that's
why i just feel like oh well they don't have any effort they're not going to be like reliable and
i can't like waste my time on somebody like that like i guess maybe that's what it is yeah so that's
what i'm saying let's get to some of that surface and let's you know spend spend this week and let's
you know spend time with the lord this right really want you to process that i think you
brought i think it's i don't i think that's definitely not a coincidence that this is
starting to surface that that thought of in the past i've men have had to rely on me i haven't
been able to rely on them so let's get to that you know what what things are surfacing what
beliefs are you you aligning with what is god's truth about it again we go back to heartwork
we got to replace those lies with god's truth is there any forgiveness that you might need to step
through again go back through that heartwork stuff ladies that heartwork those heartwork
tools are there for you you always get to go back to those all right i don't think like i said i
don't think it's a coincidence that some of this stuff is starting to surface i even i'm sensing
some there's some emotional stuff that's starting to surface and that's good we want some of that
to come out that's that reveal let's reveal it let's heal it and let's move forward and then
you know let's so spend that spend the week doing that and then i want you to come ready next week
to unpack some more or even in the app like what comes up please create a post an app
let us know what you're processing what things is god revealing to you what's he having you work on
okay ladies it's good this when you start dating so this stuff will start to surface and it's all
good let's be open to what god wants to use in this dating process to allow more healing he wants
us married he wants us in a relationship but more than that he wants us healed you're gonna when you
come into the relationship healed it's it's really good okay all right that's what we want
and then there's even more when y'all meet your spirit mates and you step into those relationships
and you get engaged and you get married there's even more healing ladies i can attest there's
still there's healing that god is using in my marriage for me things that come up that i'm
getting more healing in it's all good stuff it's being open to that healing process and so now y'all
are in phase two and you start dating and that starts coming up okay that's why we say hold hold
the door in phase one let's not get into dating in phase one and let's open it in phase two because
there's just going to be more things to uncover so um this is all good things to process i hope
you're getting some relief and i think going through is going to happen more things going
to be revealed to you all right ladies i apologize i know i see a lot more things coming up in the
chat see what i can pull um so yeah ladies check that out i think some of your sisters are gonna
are being able to relate to what's being shared here um so just know in the future when you come
on the call next week you know don't don't hesitate to share on these live calls and don't
hesitate to share in the app because what you're going through and experiencing your sister
are probably experiencing the same thing and what many of you share in the app I probably have
experienced myself so I hope you understand that you know some of what I share I hope
you receive it as wisdom and knowledge of like what I walk through as well as well as Ebony
and even what we've seen in the community from other women we've had hundreds of thousands of
marriages in this community and a handful of them I've known personally and so you know just keep
showing up keep being intentional don't forget to do your pruning all right check out Supernatural
Saturday and watch that Sunday call as well because there's more unpacking of what you need
to prune be thinking about what you need to make space for and how you're going to make space for
it okay sound good all right and I got Mary you're going to post and then I'm Madison I'm going to
make sure that I go in her post and respond to her here in the next day all right sound good ladies
so good to see you ladies um if I didn't hear from you please make sure that you're posting
in the app we want to we want to stay up to date that's where we get the most breakthrough
okay all right ladies love you so much we'll see you next week