WEBVTT

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All right, ladies, welcome.

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This is your live heart check in for phase two.

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It's April 29.

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This is the one o'clock session.

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My name is Carla Johnson.

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I'm one of your coaches here at phase phase two and last year single.

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It's such an honor and privilege to be here.

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Like I was just saying, I have been in this community with Jackie since the beginning

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in 2020.

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So it's just always humbling and exciting to get to be part of this community still.

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Even though I'm a success story and I'm no longer single, I credit my success to this

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program.

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And so it's always an honor and privilege to be able to pour that back into this community

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to you all.

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Kind of just myself being an open book to the work that I had to do and the things that

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we ask you to do here in this this community.

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I did it myself.

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I was at times stubborn about it, but it all worked out.

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So just know that nothing that I require ask of you is not something that I've had to work

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through myself.

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So and then even your questions were a lot of the same questions that I had some of the

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same frustrations, the same frustrations I had, some of the successes and celebrations

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went through as well.

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So like I said, always, always great to be here.

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Do we have any new newcomers to phase two on today's call, I see a couple names that

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I don't normally see on my one o'clock.

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So if you are new to phase two, go ahead and raise your little avatar hand.

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I like to see who, who's new to my call.

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I know Christine in France, this is her first time here.

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So good to see you, Madison.

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Yes.

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Wonderful.

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Madison, were you the one that I just responded to in the app?

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Okay, that's what I thought.

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Just double checking.

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So we can unpack that here in a little bit.

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I'm Josanna.

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Did I pronounce your name right?

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Yeah, Josanne.

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Josanne.

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Okay, I just, I'm ladies, I'm going to just be upfront, I am not the greatest at pronouncing.

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So if I butcher it, I'm going to do my best.

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That's why I literally just wrote, wrote Josanne, not Josanna, Josanne.

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Okay.

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Again, please just give me grace if I if I butcher any of y'all's names and do not hesitate

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to correct me if I do.

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Okay.

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All right, so I got a couple of you new, wonderful.

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All right.

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So I'm just going to go over a couple of housekeeping items.

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And then we're going to do some, some stuff for activation.

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Those of you that were here last week in the week before, we're going to just take a minute

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to kind of discover what what you did to activate that.

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And I'm going to give you a new kind of assignment.

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It actually goes along with what Jackie was talking about over the weekend.

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And then I will be open to take y'all's questions and see what we can unpack and advice that

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I can give lessons learned all that good stuff.

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Okay.

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When did phase two start?

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What do you mean by that?

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You can unmute.

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I'm not sure I understand your question.

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Oh, sorry.

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I thought it started maybe two or three weeks ago.

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I'm not sure.

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So what phase two, it's just ongoing.

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So like we have ladies in phase one that entered all different seasons.

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Some people take a couple like four to five weeks, finish phase one, and then they jump

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into phase two.

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Some ladies want to stick around in phase one for, you know, three, four months, and

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then they come over to phase two and then the same thing happens here.

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So in phase two, we have this is great because this kind of goes into the housekeeping.

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We have five course content videos, and so we ask that you watch one a week.

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And so potentially you need to have a minimum of about four to five weeks here in phase

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two.

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Okay.

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It doesn't mean everybody leaves after five weeks.

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Some people like to kind of stay up, Stephanie's shaking her head.

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She's like, nope, I'm sticking around just a little bit longer, which is totally fine.

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We're totally open to you ladies, you know, staying as long as you need, eventually at

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some point once you've been here kind of three, four months, and as long as you're showing

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up ladies, and you're being intentional, we are happy to kind of, you know, work with

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you and then we will grow you into phase three because there's lots of really great things

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that happen in phase three that we don't want you missing out on and a lot more content

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over there as well.

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Thank you.

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Everybody kind of takes their own journey with each phase.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Thank you so much.

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Thank you.

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You are welcome.

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All right.

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But yeah, ladies, make sure that

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you are being intentional when you're showing up

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in our phase, make sure you're checking

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all the tabs in the app, you know,

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utilize the Ask a Coach tab, ask your questions,

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get your advice, you know, share with us what's happening.

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When you're watching the content,

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when you are listening to replays, that's super critical.

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So I know all you ladies are with me right now,

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but we do record this so that I do post it for the replay.

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So the ladies that cannot make the one o'clock

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Eastern time call or the eight o'clock Eastern,

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and if that ever is you, that you're like,

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oh, I just really can't make it,

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know that we have the replay, watch the replay, okay?

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I always tell you ladies that if you can't make

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the one o'clock and you make the eight o'clock,

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still come watch the one o'clock replay, okay?

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Same thing with all of you that are here at the one o'clock,

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still go to the eight o'clock if you can.

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Unfortunately, we don't put both of them in replay,

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but if you can make it to both,

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you're gonna just get so much more information

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because we do take your questions here in this call.

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So we do try to at least a good solid 45 minutes

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of our hour and 15 minutes to let you ladies

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ask your questions so that we can unpack things together.

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You have a little bit of extra support there.

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We can't sit and take like 10, 15, 20 minutes

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on each individual person.

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So we do ask that you have your question ready,

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make it short, brief and powerful, okay?

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We can't do five minutes of a backstory

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as much as we would like to.

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Now, if myself or Ebony, who's your other phase two coach,

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we need a little bit more background information.

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And of course, we'll ask that during that time of dialogue.

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And it's also why it's really important to come into the app

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and share with us what's happening.

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So then that way, when you jump on these calls,

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we have a little bit of background.

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I do my very best to kind of, what's the word?

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Compartmentalize, like who's got what situation going

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and like what I see in the app so that when y'all come

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and you're in front of me and I see you face to face,

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I'm like, okay, I know that they have this relationship

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or they were struggling in this with hard work stuff.

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And I can kind of gauge there.

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I know I'm gonna pick on my friend, Stephanie here.

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She and I had a couple of weeks

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of being able to unpack some things.

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And she religiously and intentionally shows up in the app

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and she's sharing with us the things

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that she's struggling with,

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the breakthroughs that she's having

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so that when she comes to these lives and she has questions,

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we already have some background knowledge

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and we can really dive in

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and help her get some breakthrough there.

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So if you all have been here the last couple of weeks,

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you know that we've been doing that.

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And there was a couple of other ladies.

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I know Stephanie, she does a really great job.

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So, and I think Jenna, Jenna's on here as well,

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Mary as well.

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So some of these ladies that I'm seeing,

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and there's more of you here.

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So don't think that if I'm not calling you out,

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I know Ashley.

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So again, if you're showing up in the app

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and then you're showing up here,

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it's really, you're gonna get the most out of this program.

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And so that's what I always share.

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Having been in this program myself,

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the more that you show up

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and the more intentionally you are with your time,

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the more you're gonna get out of it, okay?

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We see the most breakthrough

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from those people that intentionally show up, okay?

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And this is not just, you know,

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I say it because I lived it, okay?

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I, and it took me a couple of years.

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I mean, and I was intentionally showing up,

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you know, not saying that to scare y'all off, okay?

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But just God works on everyone individually.

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Everyone is gonna have a different journey.

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So don't compare what you're having to do or not do

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with the next person in this community, okay?

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God really does have a way of sorting out all the things

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and helping you ladies prepare

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for the promise of marriage, okay?

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And so, yes, looking at it as a marathon

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instead of a sprint, yes, exactly.

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It doesn't matter.

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Like I've seen people come into this program

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and it's like a couple months, they find their spirit mate.

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I was not one of those ladies.

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I was in this program for two years.

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God worked a lot of great things in me

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to prepare me for the marriage that I'm in now, okay?

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And so I am gonna kind of dig into that just a little bit

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on our call, but I wanna get through a few more things

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and housekeeping, and then we can kind of dive into that.

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A couple more things.

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Ladies, when you are in the app and you are posting

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and myself or Ebony, your two coaches

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are in phase two, reply back to you.

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If you can go ahead and reply back to your post

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and not just reply specifically to us,

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it helps us keep track of who we've responded to

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and who we still need to respond to, okay?

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And so sometimes we might reply to you

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and have some questions that we want you to kind of process,

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you know, come back, answer some of those questions.

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and use that reply.

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We may or may be able to come back and reply back to you.

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Sometimes it really does take not just processing

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with us as coaches,

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but it is important that you're processing these things

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in prayer with the Lord as well,

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and allowing yourself some time

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to sit and unpack things with him as well, okay?

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So just keep that in mind.

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And then ladies, when you are making posts,

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if you could just do a huge, huge favor

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and kind of refrain from making posts or comments

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that link other ministries, sermons, authors, speakers,

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influencers, things of that nature,

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because we don't have the capacity

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to vet those libraries of content from those sources.

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And we wanna make sure that what y'all are getting here

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at Last Year Single aligns with what we teach.

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And so sometimes that can trickle in.

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I mean, I myself sometimes I'm like,

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oh, this is such a great sermon.

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I'd love to pass this on,

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but I have to make sure that we're not, you know,

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aligning with stuff that we don't really teach here.

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Because while one pastor might have,

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or a speaker might have some really great nuggets,

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their library of content will maybe not match what we want.

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And we feel like God is speaking

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through this community here.

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Does that make sense?

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Good, okay, awesome.

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So yeah, just keep that in mind.

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So let me go through my notes here

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and see what else we got going.

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Let's go ahead and just pray.

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And then we'll get started with some of our activations.

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So Heavenly Father, I thank you for this time together, Lord.

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And I just, you know, I just feel your presence here.

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And I just wanna invite the hope

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that your presence brings to this community.

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Lord, I just feel a desperate need

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for just encouragement and hope

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to be released over the ladies here in phase two.

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As we, you know, we coach and teach the women to open up

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and maybe do some things that, you know,

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feel a little uncomfortable, might feel a little different.

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But we just want, you know, your just supernatural presence

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and hope and encouragement to be with us today.

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And moving forward, Lord.

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Lord, just continue to heal us and grow us

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and show us areas that, you know, you want us to prune.

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You know, we thank you for Jackie and, you know,

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and David and all those that are in this community

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working for what you've promised.

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And I just thank you for this time together

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and just continue to, you know,

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fill each one of these ladies' hearts.

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And, you know, I pray for each one of their spirit mates

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that you've already handpicked for them

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and that they're just open to your word.

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And we just thank you for that.

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In Jesus name, amen.

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All right, ladies.

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Last week, last two weeks, actually,

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I've been prompting some of you ladies to start,

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you know, focusing on what brings you joy.

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What do you enjoy?

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What makes you you?

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What are some things that you've discovered

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in these last two weeks that really show you,

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like, this is who I am.

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This is what I really enjoy doing.

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Because dating and relationships will bring that out.

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What about your life in this season do you enjoy most?

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And share with us in the chat.

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And if anybody wants to unmute

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and kind of share what God has been showing them

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that they really enjoy, I'd love to hear it.

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We can spend a couple minutes here.

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So what do you enjoy?

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I'll share it.

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Hi, April.

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Missed a couple of weeks I was traveling,

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but I did catch up at least on one call.

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But I have discovered maybe within the last year or so,

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riding my bike is like one of my favorite things.

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And it has so many aspects to it that I really love.

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It's the movement.

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It's the being outside.

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It's just all of that comes with that.

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And it's really, because I have struggled in my life

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to be able to name like, who am I?

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What am I about?

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What do I like?

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And earlier on in my sort of online dating journey,

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those kinds of questions were like, I felt kind of lost.

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Like I don't have an answer.

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And so it feels really great to say,

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here's what I love doing.

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And find different matches that say, I like that too.

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And there's possibility of maybe doing that together

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at some point.

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And it's just been fun.

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Yes, I love that.

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So thank you, April, for sharing that.

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Cause that was, and you touched on one of the reasons

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why I felt in my heart.

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to you know

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activate you ladies into doing that because

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As you all are starting to date and we do encourage you ladies to to jump on online dating

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and I know that some of those things that people are like online dating or they have the questions of like

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How do I answer that? Well the basic like what do you do for fun?

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Like when I was in this program like I was tough

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I was a single mom and I felt like I was always on the grind and like I don't know what I enjoy

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I don't know what I like to do because a lot of times I'm doing stuff for my kid

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Not that I didn't enjoy those things, but you know, what did I like? What did I want to do for myself?

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And what did I hope that maybe somebody wanted to also do with me or had the same?

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Interest and so that was kind of the prompting for you know

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Doing this activations that you ladies start tapping in because you you don't realize

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That you actually have things that you can talk about on a very surface level

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You know about you as you're starting to get to know people because if you were like me, I was a deep diver

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okay, like I wanted to go in and I wanted to talk about like

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The hard hard work and the heartbreak and the issues and the struggles that I went through and talked about my testimony

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With with guys that I didn't really know like they were really strangers and I'd find myself attaching

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the guys really early on and

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Sharing a deep part of myself and that left me feeling discouraged when things didn't work out

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And so I really had to learn how to make small talk and how to you know, just share

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You know good quality parts about myself

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That allowed me to get to know people and

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So that's why I prompt you ladies to start, you know, really spend time figuring out. What do you enjoy doing?

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What makes you you right? And so I hope that that helped you

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Now I'm gonna kind of prompt you here ladies for this coming week. I really want to encourage you ladies

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to go watch supernatural Saturday as

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Well as the Sunday night prayer call they are both posted and replay I

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Just want to show of hands

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How many of you watch Jackie's supernatural Saturday this past Saturday?

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One two three. I see three of you four or five. Okay. I think there's probably a few more. Okay, I

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Really really really want you to go spend some time with that. Okay

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Watch it a second time even

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Right take notes. What speaks to you?

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Okay, because this week I really want you ladies spending time with the Lord and asking

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What are you going to prune this season that you are going to make room for what you need to prioritize?

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Okay, so for example

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y'all are in this program because you want to be married and

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This is the dating phase phase two is the dating phase, right?

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We had we held you off in phase one because you really needed to do your heart work

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Okay, heart work doesn't leave

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Okay, you're still gonna do heart work in this season. Okay

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It will stay with you ladies. Let me tell you even in your marriages. You're gonna do heart work

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I still do heart work on a regular. Okay, so

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Y'all are in this season and this this program

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Because you desire and God has promised you relationship and marriage

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So what things are you gonna prune in order to make this program and this season a priority?

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All right, so

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I'll just give you some nuggets of what Jackie shared in the call. Okay, but I still do I want you ladies going and

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watching that

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Right because it is this this program will help you create good habits

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So that if there's a preparation period and you're gonna need to do some things that you might not have done in the past

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Because it's gonna help you steward the promise of marriage and I say this from experience having been in this program

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There was a lot of things that God took me through while in my single season in this group

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that is

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Really helped prepare me for the realities of marriage and being able to steward that okay

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So just keep that in mind

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So once you think about you know, what are what are you going to make? Are you making time for this?

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Jackie brings up and she I love her because she says the hard things

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where

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Sometimes we get women in this community that they want to they want to leave this community and their excuse or their

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reason is I don't have time. And we kind of laugh, not really

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laugh, but we realize that do you really not have time? Or are

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you just not making it a priority? And we're not saying

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that to be negative, but it's a how many of you will and I admit

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to this as well can mindlessly scroll through social media. We

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spend hours scrolling through social media, hours Netflix,

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Netflix watching, if we have, if we would remove some of that

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stuff, and prune some of that stuff, would we have time to

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make this mentorship, this training, this time of

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relationships and dating and learning and gleaning from what

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we have here at this community? Would we be able to make more

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time? And would we actually fill our minds with some things that

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you know, really can prepare us? All right. He also goes into

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pruning. And so that's kind of where I really want you ladies

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to go back, she, she breaks it down into like six, I think

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there's six different cat like not categories, six different

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things as to why people struggle with pruning. This was such a

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I'm so glad that she came and did this teaching because it was

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one of the teachings early on in this program when I when I started

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back in October of 2020. That really changed my life. And so

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I'm so thankful. And I think it was perfect timing for her to

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even bring this to our community. Now, this ladies, it

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is such a great foundation of preparing because she gives us I

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mean, and in that call that Saturday call for those ladies

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that listen to it, she really does talk about, you know, many,

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many of us can go into this, this idea of wanting marriage

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and relationship. And we want to stay we like our our lives the

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way they are, we just want to add a person to them. But the

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reality is, ladies, and I say this from my own experience is

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your old life will change. It's no longer me, it's going to be

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we and you're going to have to prune some things in marriage

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and in relationship. And I think that's really important to start

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that practice now. So definitely take a listen to it. It's why

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I'm going to encourage you ladies this week to really be

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focusing on what things do you need to prune and make space for

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so that you can get the fullness of what God has for you. Okay. I

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know it sometimes it's like, oh, we went through this. What do I

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enjoy and I've got to remove some things. And then she goes

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through some of the three categories. So that's like,

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there's things that are already dead that you're going to prune.

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Okay. There's things that are sick and dying and you need to

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really focus. Okay, what's going to need more of my attention and

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what's a I don't need to recess like do not resuscitate. Okay.

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That's another category. And then there's going to be this is

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the hardest and this was the biggest, like preparation for me

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was pruning the good things for the great things. Giving things

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your best. Yes. Okay. And so that was a big one for me. Like

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God had me pruning some really good things all for what he was

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preparing for me in marriage. Like I had to prune my church

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and go to a new church. And I had been in that church for 10

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years. Like I was like, what? Um, but it prepared me because I

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was also really like one of my non negotiables was I wasn't

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going to move. I was living in Florida and I did not want to

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move Florida, move from Florida. And I held on to that y'all. I

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was not willing to release that pen and it finally took me two

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years in this program to finally be at the point like, okay, God,

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I'm giving it up. I'm giving it all to you, whatever you want to

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do. And as soon as I released that pen, a week later, my

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husband dropped into my DMs and he was not living in Florida. He

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was a Texan. And I now live in Texas y'all. Like I was not

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going to move. I tell the story all the time. I was not going to

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move, but I had to prune what was good about Florida and, and

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Allow myself to realize that there was greatness and I'm still even having to work through there still this season of it's a struggle

438
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I mean, I'm only I'm not even two years into a marriage and

439
00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:15.440
There's times. It's there's a there's a hardship there. I'm like, ah, I

440
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:18.680
Really missed some parts of my life in Florida

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But I also know that God's got great things that he's moving here in Texas and relationships and things that are great for my kids

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All right, we're blending a family I came to the the table with one little who's nine now

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00:25:33.140 --> 00:25:40.720
Who's in you know travel baseball, which I don't think he would have had the same opportunities in Florida with his baseball as he does here

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in Texas

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So I know like God's moving in that direction. I have two

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bonus children that I think you know really benefited and really needed to stay here because they had a lot of trauma in their

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Lives and then we're adding to that and I think they're growing and they're having to prune some good things for great as well

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And learn some lessons, but it's all good. It's all for the preparation period

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So that's kind of one and I want to spend a few minutes on

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00:26:12.140 --> 00:26:18.180
Covering that and then I'm gonna prompt you ladies with another question. I want you spend time thinking about

451
00:26:18.700 --> 00:26:20.700
be open to kind of

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00:26:21.580 --> 00:26:26.340
Raising your hand sharing what it is that you want to share that prompts you with this and

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00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:30.860
Then we can go into some of your questions as well. Okay, just reminder

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00:26:31.460 --> 00:26:35.540
Short, brief and powerful when you come to questions. We got about 45 minutes of this call

455
00:26:36.140 --> 00:26:38.140
Okay

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00:26:38.900 --> 00:26:45.580
So as you're stepping into this dating phase, okay, I want you ladies focusing on

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00:26:46.420 --> 00:26:50.180
Enjoying the process and I know sometimes that gets a struggle

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00:26:50.300 --> 00:26:56.580
Okay, I see I see, you know the frustrations and some of the things that God's starting to reveal and heal

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00:26:57.180 --> 00:27:02.700
But I really do want you ladies remind remembering and reminding yourself. That is

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00:27:03.580 --> 00:27:06.460
As much as the dating process can feel

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00:27:07.340 --> 00:27:11.220
Uncomfortable, it's uncomfortable because you do are you're doing things differently now

462
00:27:11.460 --> 00:27:19.020
And I really want you ladies reminding yourself that this dating process can be fun it can be

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00:27:19.900 --> 00:27:21.900
enjoyable, okay and

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00:27:23.140 --> 00:27:25.140
Leaving that future

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00:27:25.660 --> 00:27:27.620
to God's

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Plan to write. Okay, we can get in our heads about what the future

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00:27:32.780 --> 00:27:40.340
We want to look like as we're dating as we're getting to know people both. Oh, well, you know, he's this way

468
00:27:40.340 --> 00:27:43.100
He's that way. I really want you focusing on

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00:27:43.780 --> 00:27:48.340
Releasing that pen to allow God to write that love story

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Yes, Ebony said joy in the journey, yes, yes, yes

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This is why ladies. I love Jenna that you're you're going on to Ebony's calls as well ladies

472
00:28:00.340 --> 00:28:05.460
I want you if you can make it okay again, you're only in this phase four to five weeks

473
00:28:06.180 --> 00:28:10.300
Minimum, okay. I'm not saying that you some of you ladies want to hang on a little bit

474
00:28:10.300 --> 00:28:13.900
We're fine with that if you need to process through some things

475
00:28:14.140 --> 00:28:17.780
But I really want you to spend the next four or five weeks make room

476
00:28:18.380 --> 00:28:24.700
To join these calls live the one o'clock Eastern Time and the eight o'clock Eastern Time

477
00:28:25.740 --> 00:28:30.460
It's really got some really good stuff in here and then y'all get to hear all the ladies

478
00:28:30.460 --> 00:28:37.940
You know questions and what you bring what questions you bring will actually help heal others in this community as well

479
00:28:37.940 --> 00:28:41.860
And a lot of you ladies will have some similarities of things that you're going through

480
00:28:42.020 --> 00:28:46.580
You'll be like you'll be surprised just how much breakthrough you can get through each other

481
00:28:46.580 --> 00:28:50.820
I say it because I even experienced it when I was single in this program

482
00:28:51.580 --> 00:28:55.860
So I want you ladies. I'm gonna miss what you just ladies to sit with this question

483
00:28:56.420 --> 00:29:03.860
How is God using dating to heal areas of your heart what things are beginning to surface

484
00:29:05.780 --> 00:29:07.780
That you're seeing as

485
00:29:08.260 --> 00:29:14.980
You're stepping into this idea of dating. Maybe maybe you're getting out on dates. Maybe God's revealing some things to you

486
00:29:15.740 --> 00:29:20.660
Because you're maybe hesitant to go out on dating. What are some things that are being brought up?

487
00:29:20.660 --> 00:29:26.980
Because remember this is a dating for discovery. You're gonna discover more about what you like and what you don't like in men

488
00:29:28.660 --> 00:29:31.300
But you're also gonna do a lot of discovery of yourself

489
00:29:32.260 --> 00:29:37.300
And there's gonna be some things that are gonna surface that are gonna be areas that God wants to heal

490
00:29:38.100 --> 00:29:43.060
So that you can steward the gift of relationship and marriage

491
00:29:45.300 --> 00:29:49.060
And so they're gonna be some things that you're gonna need to make room for and heal

492
00:29:49.060 --> 00:29:51.060
from

493
00:29:51.060 --> 00:29:54.260
So that you can steward the blessing of a relationship

494
00:29:56.500 --> 00:29:58.500
Everybody's got their own

495
00:29:58.500 --> 00:30:00.500
own

496
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:03.840
journey, okay, so remember not everyone's journey is going to look the same.

497
00:30:00.500 --> 00:30:02.500
Own

498
00:30:02.500 --> 00:30:04.500
Own

499
00:30:04.500 --> 00:30:06.500
Own

500
00:30:05.040 --> 00:30:09.600
I really had to work on my identity when I joined this program.

501
00:30:06.500 --> 00:30:08.500
Own

502
00:30:08.500 --> 00:30:10.500
Own

503
00:30:10.500 --> 00:30:12.500
Own

504
00:30:10.600 --> 00:30:13.280
Stephanie, you agree? Yep. You have, you haven't, you did the same thing.

505
00:30:12.500 --> 00:30:14.500
Own

506
00:30:13.280 --> 00:30:18.280
Stephanie, I, again, thank you. I know I shared this on your post,

507
00:30:14.500 --> 00:30:16.500
Own

508
00:30:16.500 --> 00:30:18.500
Own

509
00:30:19.520 --> 00:30:23.880
but that rawness and realness that you shared in your video,

510
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:26.960
she spent three minutes y'all just really sharing her heart,

511
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:29.880
what God is doing in her. I saw so much.

512
00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:32.560
I've seen so much breakthrough through Stephanie because she, again,

513
00:30:32.560 --> 00:30:35.600
she's so intentional about showing up in this community. Ladies,

514
00:30:35.600 --> 00:30:39.160
I cannot stress enough when y'all show up,

515
00:30:40.160 --> 00:30:41.920
so much breakthrough happens.

516
00:30:42.600 --> 00:30:47.600
Like I I'm so humbled and blessed when you ladies do that.

517
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:50.760
And so Stephanie, thank you. Your,

518
00:30:50.800 --> 00:30:54.920
your share really blessed me of what you worked through.

519
00:30:54.920 --> 00:30:56.320
So ladies be,

520
00:30:56.800 --> 00:31:01.800
be ready to come in this phase and just allow God to really work through you and

521
00:31:05.400 --> 00:31:10.400
be willing and ready to be raw and real in this community.

522
00:31:10.800 --> 00:31:15.720
And I know for some of you, that might be difficult. I kind of art,

523
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:16.840
I can feel it right now,

524
00:31:16.840 --> 00:31:19.520
whether it's somebody on this call or somebody in replay,

525
00:31:19.840 --> 00:31:24.840
you've been hurting community and me even just mentioning you,

526
00:31:25.080 --> 00:31:29.440
just mentioning you coming and being vulnerable and real is going to stir

527
00:31:29.440 --> 00:31:30.400
something up in you.

528
00:31:31.000 --> 00:31:35.000
And I really want you to press into the Holy spirit with what the Lord wants to

529
00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:38.400
do in your heart to heal that area of community.

530
00:31:39.360 --> 00:31:40.320
And it can be here.

531
00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:46.040
There's so much healing that can take place. I've seen it. I've been in the,

532
00:31:46.040 --> 00:31:48.440
like I said, I've been in this program for almost five years. Y'all.

533
00:31:49.120 --> 00:31:52.800
I've seen it being single and I've seen it now as a coach.

534
00:31:52.800 --> 00:31:55.760
I've been coaching for over a year, about a year and a half now.

535
00:31:57.040 --> 00:32:01.640
And I've seen so much breakthrough happen when people show up and get real and

536
00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:05.280
vulnerable and just raw. All right.

537
00:32:05.280 --> 00:32:09.640
So I want you to be thinking what, what's coming to surface,

538
00:32:09.640 --> 00:32:14.640
what areas is God starting to reveal to you that he wants to start healing in

539
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:18.240
this dating process? Okay.

540
00:32:19.000 --> 00:32:21.520
All right. I'm going to open the floor for questions.

541
00:32:21.840 --> 00:32:23.520
Go ahead and raise your avatar hand.

542
00:32:23.520 --> 00:32:28.520
I'm going to do my very best to get as many questions as possible in this 40

543
00:32:28.520 --> 00:32:32.920
next 45 minutes. And then if I can't get to your question,

544
00:32:33.560 --> 00:32:38.560
show up at eight o'clock, I will reach out to Ebony and say, Hey,

545
00:32:38.560 --> 00:32:41.720
these are the girls that I didn't get to. And so if they come,

546
00:32:41.720 --> 00:32:44.040
please make sure that you make space for them.

547
00:32:44.040 --> 00:32:46.120
Okay. Gotcha. I got you, Ruth. If you're,

548
00:32:46.120 --> 00:32:50.400
I'm so sorry that you're feeling under the weather. We're praying for you.

549
00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:54.720
Supernatural healing. So yeah,

550
00:32:54.720 --> 00:32:57.360
if we can't get to you and you can make eight o'clock,

551
00:32:57.360 --> 00:33:01.640
I'll do my best to share with Ebony. And then if I can't get to you,

552
00:33:02.320 --> 00:33:04.560
share in the app. If you can't come to the eight o'clock,

553
00:33:05.040 --> 00:33:08.720
share your question in the app and we will do our best to get to that in a

554
00:33:08.720 --> 00:33:09.560
timely manner.

555
00:33:09.560 --> 00:33:13.640
Okay. So I've got six, I'm going to write these down so I don't forget.

556
00:33:16.160 --> 00:33:17.000
Okay.

557
00:33:20.320 --> 00:33:21.320
Give me just a minute.

558
00:33:21.360 --> 00:33:24.320
I just want to make sure I'm getting everybody down that I see.

559
00:33:28.040 --> 00:33:28.880
Okay.

560
00:33:32.600 --> 00:33:33.920
All right. I got six.

561
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:38.320
Okay. I got Heather, Jenna, Michelle, Lissette, Madison, and Mary Scott.

562
00:33:38.320 --> 00:33:40.800
Okay. And then if anybody else in this,

563
00:33:40.800 --> 00:33:44.200
in this time period, throw your hand up. Okay. So Heather,

564
00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:46.720
I'm going to come to you first. How are you?

565
00:33:47.080 --> 00:33:48.040
I'm good. How are you?

566
00:33:48.040 --> 00:33:51.920
Fantastic. So what's your question? Let's be short, brief, and powerful.

567
00:33:51.920 --> 00:33:53.160
I have two questions.

568
00:33:53.160 --> 00:33:57.440
I'm going to start with the first one and then I'm going to go to the next one.

569
00:33:57.440 --> 00:34:00.000
Okay. So I'm going to start with the first one.

570
00:34:00.120 --> 00:34:02.400
What's your question? Let's be short, brief, and powerful.

571
00:34:03.040 --> 00:34:07.280
I have two, two things. One is a little mini update, which is,

572
00:34:08.080 --> 00:34:12.000
okay. I'm in, I'm in a different state from where I want to be.

573
00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:14.000
Like I split my time between New York and Colorado.

574
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:19.199
I'm in Colorado right now. And one of the things that goes with your question

575
00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:21.600
of how's God healing maybe,

576
00:34:21.600 --> 00:34:26.080
but it's also bringing up is new limiting beliefs.

577
00:34:26.080 --> 00:34:28.800
I didn't know I had. And I realized that

578
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:33.360
part of my singleness I'm sure is because Mayor Joyce symbolized

579
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:38.400
a loss of freedom and ability to go after my dreams. And so I'm working on that.

580
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:43.920
But it's also rearing that because I'm here and I want to be on the East coast,

581
00:34:43.920 --> 00:34:47.120
I don't want to date here. And so I'm,

582
00:34:47.840 --> 00:34:50.719
I'm struggling because I mean, everything is really long distance

583
00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:53.120
and I might be missing out on somebody nice here, but

584
00:34:54.560 --> 00:34:56.719
I'm going to be in New York next week. And I feel like

585
00:34:56.719 --> 00:34:59.840
I'm basically.

586
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.440
putting effort, really putting effort into my online connections and like trying to line up

587
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:12.160
like you know five dates in a week or whoever I'm talking to or whatever and I feel like that makes

588
00:35:12.160 --> 00:35:23.120
me feel a little bit nuts or rushing because I've been really hesitant and I'm one of the guys I was

589
00:35:23.120 --> 00:35:27.360
talking to had intimated he was going to come out here and then he ghosted me basically the last two

590
00:35:27.360 --> 00:35:35.040
weeks so I guess I'm wondering if that that's a good strategy since I'm like I'm gonna be in

591
00:35:35.040 --> 00:35:41.920
out there for like a week and a half um it might be a little hectic this is all online right you're

592
00:35:41.920 --> 00:35:48.640
doing online dating okay yeah in your online dating profile do you share that you split your

593
00:35:48.640 --> 00:35:54.800
time in two different places and do you share that your heart is to be on the east coast um

594
00:35:54.960 --> 00:36:02.400
I think I'll check and see how I word it but I I do I say I I go back and forth between

595
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:07.200
Colorado and New York because I do have a home here okay and I don't know if I'm just doing this

596
00:36:07.200 --> 00:36:13.200
and limiting my options because I'd rather not dig in long term here but it makes dating hard

597
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:18.960
yeah so I think it's really good um one thing I just kind of feel prompted to share with you

598
00:36:18.960 --> 00:36:24.640
ladies I think it's very good to be very transparent and communicate when you're dating

599
00:36:24.640 --> 00:36:29.760
especially on those online profiles I mean you know I don't want you ladies like divulging all

600
00:36:29.760 --> 00:36:33.840
the information I mean because again we need we need to be very short, brief, and powerful in our

601
00:36:33.840 --> 00:36:41.520
profiles as well but I think it helps to kind of sift out the men that are gonna if they're

602
00:36:42.080 --> 00:36:48.320
looking at your profile they at least have some idea so that you're very up front like look

603
00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:56.160
this is I I live here and here my desire is to be here so that if you are dating in Colorado

604
00:36:56.160 --> 00:37:01.440
the men already have an idea that you're also split your time in New York and that your heart

605
00:37:01.440 --> 00:37:10.000
is to be in New York okay now what I will prompt you to do is to spend time with the Lord and

606
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:16.160
and again kind of this is going to be some heart stuff really spending time and asking

607
00:37:16.640 --> 00:37:25.920
is what's your what's your reason for wanting to spend time in New York is there any fears

608
00:37:26.560 --> 00:37:32.480
of why you don't want to stay in Colorado like is it literally divine from heaven or is are you

609
00:37:32.480 --> 00:37:39.920
having a limited thought process there does that make sense yeah and I do base my profile out of

610
00:37:39.920 --> 00:37:45.920
New York for that reason my career is mostly out of New York my family's been here but people are

611
00:37:45.920 --> 00:37:50.400
older who are going to be going places and I don't want to be out here long term I don't mind

612
00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:54.560
having a place but okay and if you feel like that's divine from heaven I don't I don't see

613
00:37:54.560 --> 00:38:01.440
that that being an issue at all and again God knows where you're going to be what he's placed

614
00:38:01.440 --> 00:38:05.600
in your heart and he's going to have someone that's going to partner with that so I don't

615
00:38:05.600 --> 00:38:10.880
want you to feel like you're limiting yourself but again as long as you're being very transparent

616
00:38:10.880 --> 00:38:18.880
and open like hey I'd like to get to know you better just to you know be aware I'm my heart is

617
00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:23.040
you know I spend a lot of time in New York that's kind of where I'm going to lead so if you are

618
00:38:23.040 --> 00:38:28.880
setting up dates in Colorado you're being very upfront with men about what this looks like and

619
00:38:28.880 --> 00:38:33.920
then that way the men get to decide do I want to spend time getting to know someone because maybe

620
00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:39.040
they're realizing you know what I don't I don't want to stay in Colorado either I'm I'm open to

621
00:38:39.680 --> 00:38:46.160
to you know relationship you know moving and whatnot okay okay that's why I always we do

622
00:38:46.160 --> 00:38:52.080
coach you ladies like when you do this whole online thing like if you are open to long distance

623
00:38:52.080 --> 00:38:59.520
dating be open to it but understand what that what that entails long distance dating requires time and

624
00:38:59.520 --> 00:39:06.000
money I and I say it because I was me and my husband I was in Florida he was in Texas before

625
00:39:06.000 --> 00:39:12.640
we got engaged and got married and so we had to be intentional with our time and we had and we knew

626
00:39:12.640 --> 00:39:18.720
that there was cost that you have to like you're gonna have to travel to see somebody right you

627
00:39:18.720 --> 00:39:24.960
can't have a long distance relationship of not being face to face with somebody so if you ladies

628
00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:33.120
are open to moving be open to all of that and be very straightforward and if you're open to long

629
00:39:33.120 --> 00:39:39.440
distance but you know you can't move express that because there are men that are open to long

630
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:49.600
distance that are willing to relocate all right but again we really do encourage that if you are

631
00:39:49.600 --> 00:39:55.520
dating long distance that you're going to have a face-to-face in-person date within three to six

632
00:39:55.520 --> 00:39:59.840
weeks okay

633
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:09.920
Long-distance dating requires a little more effort and it will also men that

634
00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:18.000
want their intentional and their marriage minded you're gonna see that in

635
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:21.240
a long distance so I don't want you ladies getting into these long-distance

636
00:40:21.240 --> 00:40:27.080
relationships where the men are just not making any sort of intentional effort to

637
00:40:27.080 --> 00:40:32.560
see you spend time with you because that's where you're gonna see if men

638
00:40:32.560 --> 00:40:38.880
are kind of holding you kind of captive if you will like that's why it's

639
00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:43.300
important to bring those relationships and what you're experiencing to the

640
00:40:43.300 --> 00:40:47.600
community so Heather I don't think it's a bad thing that you're opening like

641
00:40:47.600 --> 00:40:51.520
that you're keeping it open now what I don't want you to do I don't want you to

642
00:40:51.520 --> 00:40:57.600
overwhelm yourself okay I sent some of that you're like five dates five days in

643
00:40:57.600 --> 00:41:07.200
a week I picked a number I don't know I do have one quick question okay

644
00:41:07.200 --> 00:41:12.120
regarding that so the guy I was talking to which it's been you know like a month

645
00:41:12.120 --> 00:41:15.240
or something and he was I was saying I would I could come out there and he's

646
00:41:15.240 --> 00:41:18.000
like well I can come out there too and then I haven't really heard from him

647
00:41:18.000 --> 00:41:23.240
gotten back to me since Easter and it may be because he's like maybe it's the

648
00:41:23.240 --> 00:41:26.280
distance but he's on these because he's in Philly I don't New York Philly

649
00:41:26.280 --> 00:41:32.040
whatever tri-state reasonable East Coast and so even though he hasn't really

650
00:41:32.040 --> 00:41:35.520
gotten back to me it doesn't make sense to reach out and say hey I am coming

651
00:41:35.520 --> 00:41:40.880
that way or do I need because he hasn't made the effort maybe like so this is

652
00:41:40.880 --> 00:41:43.800
where we kind of like we talked about that drop the hanky so you guys right

653
00:41:43.800 --> 00:41:49.120
um it's okay you know you I'm guessing you guys have not met in person at first

654
00:41:49.120 --> 00:41:54.840
ladies it's okay to kind of drop the hanky for the first date the first in

655
00:41:54.840 --> 00:41:59.480
person so I don't think it's you know I would coach you ladies it's okay to say

656
00:41:59.480 --> 00:42:04.360
hey I'm gonna be in the area this time and during this time and this time do

657
00:42:04.360 --> 00:42:09.200
you have any availability for us to get together let's go play some putt-putt

658
00:42:09.200 --> 00:42:14.880
let's go axe throwing let's go bowling let's go on a hike picnic whatever you

659
00:42:14.880 --> 00:42:20.760
know and just say do you I'm here I'm here from this time to this time does

660
00:42:20.760 --> 00:42:26.360
that is there anything in your schedule for us to meet in person and then and

661
00:42:26.360 --> 00:42:29.320
then if he doesn't come with it after that drop the hanky and if he doesn't

662
00:42:29.320 --> 00:42:33.160
initiate it's okay doesn't mean that you have to block him it doesn't mean

663
00:42:33.160 --> 00:42:38.440
that he's okay just because he didn't respond in that time but I mean I've

664
00:42:38.440 --> 00:42:44.080
seen some guys they just have stuff going on and then they realize like a

665
00:42:44.080 --> 00:42:48.720
month or two later that they have time to invest and so again we don't want to

666
00:42:48.720 --> 00:42:54.680
this is why we coach you ladies to be open to dating a couple people at one

667
00:42:54.680 --> 00:42:59.960
time and you don't have to shut doors on people that might not be showing an

668
00:42:59.960 --> 00:43:04.520
interest right away okay now you are going to want men to be intentional okay

669
00:43:04.520 --> 00:43:08.680
so don't hear what I'm not saying like I don't want you hanging on to some of

670
00:43:08.680 --> 00:43:12.840
these men that literally month after month week after week that they're not

671
00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:22.920
showing up that they're intentional after the first in-person meetup after

672
00:43:22.920 --> 00:43:28.560
that first in-person meetup you're gonna communicate I really enjoyed myself I

673
00:43:28.560 --> 00:43:35.720
would love to do this again and then we're gonna want the men to initiate

674
00:43:35.720 --> 00:43:44.120
that second in-person date but do not be worried or feel like you're not allowed

675
00:43:44.120 --> 00:43:49.440
to initiate at least the first meetup cuz some men need a little extra push

676
00:43:49.440 --> 00:43:57.320
there do you like action just like that all right so it's okay to initiate the

677
00:43:57.320 --> 00:44:01.880
first meeting and then after the first date you still need to communicate that

678
00:44:01.880 --> 00:44:06.080
you enjoyed yourself that you want to do it again but then we really do want them

679
00:44:06.080 --> 00:44:11.880
to initiate that second meetup does that help yeah I drop the hanky let him know

680
00:44:11.880 --> 00:44:14.720
hey I'm gonna be in town would love to get together would love to get to know

681
00:44:14.720 --> 00:44:19.520
you better you know let's go bowling let's go mini-golf let's do you know

682
00:44:19.520 --> 00:44:24.560
something the reason I say that too is we really do encourage you ladies to do

683
00:44:24.640 --> 00:44:31.480
active dates Jackie is a big proponent of not doing the just basic sit-down breakfast

684
00:44:31.480 --> 00:44:37.280
lunch dinner coffee because it can turn into like interview ish sometimes those

685
00:44:37.280 --> 00:44:40.760
active dates kind of let the nerves kind of come down a little bit where you're

686
00:44:40.760 --> 00:44:45.480
actually doing something you can see more of their personality I did a second

687
00:44:45.480 --> 00:44:51.880
date with my husband at an arcade and I could see his competitive nature which I

688
00:44:51.880 --> 00:45:00.120
liked cuz I'm competitive I'm a baseball mom y'all I need someone that can like be competitive

689
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.760
So, I was looking for that and it was fun, like we got to have a little bit of banter,

690
00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:08.760
you know.

691
00:45:08.760 --> 00:45:13.280
I beat his butt in some like, you know, racing game and I got to be like, I'm better than

692
00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:14.280
you.

693
00:45:14.280 --> 00:45:15.280
He's like, well, no, I let you in.

694
00:45:15.280 --> 00:45:20.880
I'm like, no, you didn't because I saw you really trying to beat me and it didn't happen.

695
00:45:20.880 --> 00:45:25.560
And so, we had a good laugh at that and I could see that he could hang with the competitiveness.

696
00:45:25.560 --> 00:45:26.560
Okay.

697
00:45:26.560 --> 00:45:27.560
So, have fun.

698
00:45:27.560 --> 00:45:29.560
Have fun on your dates, ladies.

699
00:45:30.120 --> 00:45:31.120
Go do fun stuff.

700
00:45:31.120 --> 00:45:32.120
Okay.

701
00:45:32.120 --> 00:45:33.120
Thank you.

702
00:45:33.120 --> 00:45:34.120
You are welcome.

703
00:45:34.120 --> 00:45:35.120
Thank you.

704
00:45:35.120 --> 00:45:36.120
Jenna, how are you?

705
00:45:36.120 --> 00:45:37.120
I'm doing good.

706
00:45:37.120 --> 00:45:38.120
How are you?

707
00:45:38.120 --> 00:45:39.120
Good to see you.

708
00:45:39.120 --> 00:45:40.120
What's your question?

709
00:45:40.120 --> 00:45:41.120
Okay.

710
00:45:41.120 --> 00:45:50.120
I want to know if we should take guys at their surface value when they are communicating

711
00:45:50.120 --> 00:45:51.120
with us.

712
00:45:51.120 --> 00:45:56.000
So, I have been interacting with this guy regularly.

713
00:45:56.000 --> 00:46:02.320
He's in kind of a leadership position for something my kids and I are involved in, but

714
00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:04.760
he is being very flirtatious.

715
00:46:04.760 --> 00:46:12.880
Went to dinner with us like after the event one night, but he kind of said something last

716
00:46:12.880 --> 00:46:20.840
week that was like, he had called me, number one, but he was like, what else would we have

717
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:24.200
to talk about except blah, blah, blah that we're involved in?

718
00:46:24.200 --> 00:46:26.880
And I was like, that's an interesting statement.

719
00:46:26.880 --> 00:46:30.760
And I felt like he was being pretty sarcastic.

720
00:46:30.760 --> 00:46:31.760
But I also like...

721
00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:32.760
You think he was...

722
00:46:32.760 --> 00:46:36.560
So, you think he was kind of wanting you to kind of show interest and like flirt back

723
00:46:36.560 --> 00:46:37.560
with him?

724
00:46:37.560 --> 00:46:41.840
Do you think it was kind of like a statement to kind of see what he was going to pull from

725
00:46:41.840 --> 00:46:42.840
you?

726
00:46:42.840 --> 00:46:43.840
I wonder.

727
00:46:43.840 --> 00:46:44.840
That's why I'm asking.

728
00:46:44.840 --> 00:46:45.840
Like, how do you...

729
00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:48.080
How did you respond to him when he said that?

730
00:46:48.080 --> 00:46:50.480
I said, I think we have plenty to talk about.

731
00:46:50.480 --> 00:46:55.240
And then I followed up with something that he had mentioned at dinner and that I had

732
00:46:55.240 --> 00:46:58.520
like looked into a little bit more.

733
00:46:58.520 --> 00:46:59.520
And then...

734
00:46:59.520 --> 00:47:00.920
Which was what?

735
00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:06.040
It was about, he made the funny comment about females and I was like, oh, are we church

736
00:47:06.040 --> 00:47:07.920
of Christ here?

737
00:47:07.920 --> 00:47:15.960
And so then we kind of got into a little conversation about women in leadership in the church, but

738
00:47:15.960 --> 00:47:20.120
I had said to him like, oh, we're going to have to talk about this like later, not in

739
00:47:20.280 --> 00:47:21.280
this aspect.

740
00:47:21.280 --> 00:47:22.760
Cause we're like at dinner with my kids.

741
00:47:22.760 --> 00:47:25.760
Like we're not going to talk about that.

742
00:47:25.760 --> 00:47:26.760
Right.

743
00:47:26.760 --> 00:47:30.240
So he's in leadership at...

744
00:47:30.240 --> 00:47:31.920
Is he leadership at your church?

745
00:47:31.920 --> 00:47:33.840
No, I'll be specific.

746
00:47:33.840 --> 00:47:36.680
It's a little uncomfortable that he's my son's basketball coach.

747
00:47:36.680 --> 00:47:37.680
Okay.

748
00:47:37.680 --> 00:47:38.680
Okay.

749
00:47:38.680 --> 00:47:45.440
So I have been like, I've been like cautiously flirting back with him because he is my son's

750
00:47:45.440 --> 00:47:49.760
basketball coach and that's just like awkward, but it ends in two weeks.

751
00:47:50.400 --> 00:47:53.960
So honestly, yesterday I just said to him like, Hey, this is super awkward.

752
00:47:53.960 --> 00:47:55.440
I'm not good at flirting.

753
00:47:55.440 --> 00:47:58.560
I would like to go out with you if you want to go out with me.

754
00:47:58.560 --> 00:48:00.560
I love that Jenna.

755
00:48:00.560 --> 00:48:02.160
That is amazing.

756
00:48:02.160 --> 00:48:03.160
Yeah.

757
00:48:03.160 --> 00:48:05.680
Like let's celebrate that ladies.

758
00:48:05.680 --> 00:48:06.680
Let's do that.

759
00:48:06.680 --> 00:48:07.680
Well, okay.

760
00:48:07.680 --> 00:48:08.680
To drop the hanky.

761
00:48:08.680 --> 00:48:09.680
Let's do it.

762
00:48:09.680 --> 00:48:10.680
So what was his response?

763
00:48:10.680 --> 00:48:11.680
Way to go girl.

764
00:48:11.680 --> 00:48:16.560
Well, he was like, thank you so much.

765
00:48:16.560 --> 00:48:19.120
That is like such a kind thing.

766
00:48:19.120 --> 00:48:20.600
I was like, I know it's weird.

767
00:48:20.600 --> 00:48:22.720
Cause you're my son's basketball coach.

768
00:48:22.720 --> 00:48:25.640
And he was like, yes.

769
00:48:25.640 --> 00:48:29.520
He was like, but I have really enjoyed getting to know you and your family.

770
00:48:29.520 --> 00:48:32.080
So, and then I was like, okay, bye.

771
00:48:32.080 --> 00:48:33.080
Cause we were leaving practice.

772
00:48:33.080 --> 00:48:42.360
So I don't know what, if anything will come of it, but I like, but I'm also like when

773
00:48:42.360 --> 00:48:46.360
he made the comment, he was like, what, what else do we have to talk about?

774
00:48:46.360 --> 00:48:48.120
Like I'm your son's basketball coach.

775
00:48:48.120 --> 00:48:52.520
And so I don't want to be dismissive of something that someone's saying, but I was also like,

776
00:48:52.520 --> 00:48:56.040
is he being flirty or should I have like listened to that statement?

777
00:48:56.040 --> 00:48:57.040
You know what I mean?

778
00:48:57.040 --> 00:48:59.440
I think, you know, I think you handled it very well.

779
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:01.200
Like again, you don't know.

780
00:49:01.200 --> 00:49:05.160
I mean, and you responded, you're like, well, actually we have other things to talk about.

781
00:49:05.160 --> 00:49:08.680
And then I think you, you know, again, you've kind of took that as an invitation of like,

782
00:49:08.680 --> 00:49:09.840
look, I'm going to put it out here.

783
00:49:09.840 --> 00:49:12.200
I don't want to get to know you on a different level.

784
00:49:12.200 --> 00:49:16.200
And I know it's kind of awkward cause you're my son's coach, but look, I would like to

785
00:49:16.200 --> 00:49:19.760
get to know you more on a different level if you're open to that.

786
00:49:19.760 --> 00:49:23.280
And now you get to be, you would put it in his court, right?

787
00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:25.200
And now he gets to take that on.

788
00:49:25.200 --> 00:49:30.600
Now, here's the thing, whether he picks the ball up and decides to do something with it,

789
00:49:30.600 --> 00:49:31.960
that's on him.

790
00:49:31.960 --> 00:49:33.360
I want you to just sit.

791
00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:37.720
You did something that was a bit uncomfortable, right?

792
00:49:37.720 --> 00:49:38.720
I call it bold.

793
00:49:38.720 --> 00:49:39.720
I was bold.

794
00:49:39.720 --> 00:49:40.720
You were bold.

795
00:49:40.720 --> 00:49:41.720
Yeah.

796
00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:46.840
And I think that a lot of times that is very difficult for us ladies to do ladies.

797
00:49:46.840 --> 00:49:50.880
Sometimes there's, there's some of you on this call that need to, to really soak that

798
00:49:50.880 --> 00:49:51.880
in and just be like, you know what?

799
00:49:51.880 --> 00:49:52.880
I'm going to, I'm going to be bold.

800
00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:58.000
I'm going to step out of my comfort zone and I'm just going to put it out there.

801
00:49:58.000 --> 00:50:00.000
And then.

802
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.640
Remembering that how someone responds is not a reflection of you.

803
00:50:05.760 --> 00:50:08.000
Well, I really was working a muscle there.

804
00:50:09.040 --> 00:50:13.400
You realistically, that's why I did that because I was like, this flirtation is

805
00:50:13.400 --> 00:50:18.200
confusing to me and I'm not trying to be showed up like confused all the time.

806
00:50:18.760 --> 00:50:22.720
The basketball season ends in two weeks, so it'll be over and I won't have to see

807
00:50:22.720 --> 00:50:27.000
him again if it's awkward for him, but I'm like, I just put myself out there.

808
00:50:27.120 --> 00:50:28.200
You know, there you go.

809
00:50:29.080 --> 00:50:31.320
And ladies, that's like, I want you ladies.

810
00:50:31.320 --> 00:50:33.160
Like that's the coming out of hiding part.

811
00:50:33.640 --> 00:50:35.880
Be bold, put yourself out there.

812
00:50:36.640 --> 00:50:37.280
All right.

813
00:50:37.840 --> 00:50:39.440
It's going to, it might stir.

814
00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:42.840
It might bring some things up to the surface and we can unpack that stuff.

815
00:50:43.640 --> 00:50:47.040
But ladies, it's okay to get step out of your comfort zone.

816
00:50:48.080 --> 00:50:51.920
Do the bold things, show men that they're, that you're interested in them.

817
00:50:51.960 --> 00:50:53.560
It's okay to drop that hanky.

818
00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:55.640
All right.

819
00:50:56.400 --> 00:50:58.520
I'm like, Jenna, I'm so proud of you.

820
00:50:59.240 --> 00:50:59.680
Thanks.

821
00:51:01.720 --> 00:51:07.040
And I think you, like I said, he, he was very surface about it, but that's

822
00:51:07.040 --> 00:51:11.680
what I'm saying, it's okay to be curious about what men say and ask more questions.

823
00:51:13.280 --> 00:51:15.360
I like, I, I coach that a lot.

824
00:51:15.360 --> 00:51:19.040
I see this happen over the last several months that communication.

825
00:51:20.360 --> 00:51:24.320
Really, really, really is important, especially in these

826
00:51:24.320 --> 00:51:27.920
beginning stages of relationship and getting to know people.

827
00:51:28.400 --> 00:51:35.480
Do not be afraid to communicate and share what's going on.

828
00:51:36.360 --> 00:51:37.080
Be bold.

829
00:51:37.840 --> 00:51:41.080
Oh, I guess if they ask, if they make a comment like that, we can

830
00:51:41.080 --> 00:51:42.440
just say, what do you mean?

831
00:51:42.480 --> 00:51:48.600
You know, like, because otherwise he made this comment, um, a totally

832
00:51:48.600 --> 00:51:52.000
different day and he was like, it's your world, I'm just living in it.

833
00:51:52.000 --> 00:51:53.720
And I was like, yeah, that's true.

834
00:51:54.080 --> 00:51:57.800
But then when he came back around, I just, um, read a book about

835
00:51:57.800 --> 00:52:00.800
offensives and we've talked about offensive in this community.

836
00:52:01.120 --> 00:52:04.520
And I said to him, I'm like, that was a little offensive to me and I'm

837
00:52:04.520 --> 00:52:06.840
trying to figure out why, you know?

838
00:52:07.200 --> 00:52:08.200
So yeah.

839
00:52:08.440 --> 00:52:09.160
Yeah.

840
00:52:09.640 --> 00:52:11.400
Ladies, it's okay to communicate.

841
00:52:11.480 --> 00:52:13.600
It really, really is ask more questions.

842
00:52:13.600 --> 00:52:16.240
I can't tell you, I see it all the time.

843
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:21.600
And interactions with when you ladies are dating and level two, people get kind

844
00:52:21.600 --> 00:52:26.920
of like stirred up on, on something that a man does and they're in, you can trust

845
00:52:26.920 --> 00:52:29.960
me, I'm a woman that does this frequently.

846
00:52:30.320 --> 00:52:35.040
I can assume I can, you know, map it out in my head.

847
00:52:35.480 --> 00:52:37.520
Like, well, what do you meant by this?

848
00:52:37.560 --> 00:52:38.840
I mean, I didn't even do it with my husband.

849
00:52:38.840 --> 00:52:41.760
Like my husband did this, like, this is what he meant by it.

850
00:52:41.880 --> 00:52:43.400
And it's completely false.

851
00:52:44.240 --> 00:52:46.880
And my husband's like, you need to learn to ask more questions.

852
00:52:47.920 --> 00:52:49.280
I'm like, you're right.

853
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:49.640
I do.

854
00:52:49.640 --> 00:52:50.880
I need to ask more questions.

855
00:52:51.160 --> 00:52:56.640
Especially in areas of conflict, like areas of like, you know, being upset about

856
00:52:56.640 --> 00:52:59.080
things it's, Hey, ask more questions.

857
00:52:59.840 --> 00:53:01.800
So don't be afraid to ask men questions.

858
00:53:02.720 --> 00:53:04.000
Ask for more clarification.

859
00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:05.040
What do you mean by this?

860
00:53:06.160 --> 00:53:09.800
And, and, and go from there and yeah, be bold.

861
00:53:11.640 --> 00:53:12.080
Ladies.

862
00:53:12.080 --> 00:53:12.720
I love it.

863
00:53:12.840 --> 00:53:13.320
Love it.

864
00:53:13.360 --> 00:53:13.640
Love it.

865
00:53:13.640 --> 00:53:13.880
Love it.

866
00:53:13.880 --> 00:53:14.320
Love it.

867
00:53:15.200 --> 00:53:15.840
All right.

868
00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:19.080
You're welcome, Michelle.

869
00:53:19.120 --> 00:53:20.560
You're you're up next.

870
00:53:21.880 --> 00:53:26.680
It took me a second to get unmuted.

871
00:53:27.160 --> 00:53:28.320
Um, okay.

872
00:53:28.320 --> 00:53:30.480
So I'm going to try to be succinct.

873
00:53:30.560 --> 00:53:34.040
I've been seeing somebody for a while and I'm just, I think I'm trying to figure

874
00:53:34.040 --> 00:53:37.040
out what the next step should be.

875
00:53:37.040 --> 00:53:39.280
What I should be expecting from him.

876
00:53:39.600 --> 00:53:42.840
If there's something that I need to do, any conversations I should initiate.

877
00:53:43.360 --> 00:53:45.200
Um, how long have you guys been seeing each other?

878
00:53:47.040 --> 00:53:49.640
Well, we've been connected for eight weeks.

879
00:53:49.680 --> 00:53:51.120
We connected on a dating app.

880
00:53:51.400 --> 00:53:53.840
Um, we have only went out four times.

881
00:53:54.360 --> 00:53:54.840
Okay.

882
00:53:55.120 --> 00:53:58.280
That's that's two months, four dates.

883
00:53:58.320 --> 00:53:58.680
Yeah.

884
00:53:59.240 --> 00:54:04.920
Was he has, so we've seen each other every other weekend when he doesn't have kids.

885
00:54:04.920 --> 00:54:05.680
Do you have kids?

886
00:54:06.280 --> 00:54:07.200
I do not know.

887
00:54:07.200 --> 00:54:07.640
Kids.

888
00:54:10.680 --> 00:54:14.760
Um, did you, how long have you been in phase two?

889
00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:17.880
Um, so we, I've been in phase two for a month.

890
00:54:18.440 --> 00:54:21.160
We like artwork.

891
00:54:21.160 --> 00:54:24.200
I like had matched with him, like right before I think I joined.

892
00:54:24.200 --> 00:54:29.360
And so I like tabled it a little bit and we did go to coffee, but it started so

893
00:54:29.360 --> 00:54:36.240
slow that it was kind of like, I didn't think it was going to be a thing.

894
00:54:36.240 --> 00:54:37.160
If that makes sense.

895
00:54:37.160 --> 00:54:39.680
As in like a message here, they're kind of a thing.

896
00:54:40.240 --> 00:54:41.160
Um, okay.

897
00:54:41.560 --> 00:54:42.800
So tell me what you like about him.

898
00:54:43.960 --> 00:54:46.200
Um, so what fruit does he have?

899
00:54:47.760 --> 00:54:50.240
I think Nick is a, is a great guy.

900
00:54:50.280 --> 00:54:55.840
Um, he is a, he's a mental health counselor for kids and teenagers.

901
00:54:55.840 --> 00:54:56.160
So.

902
00:54:57.160 --> 00:54:59.400
Yeah, I mean, he's a, he's a great guy.

903
00:54:59.400 --> 00:55:01.440
Um, I think he's, he's a great guy.

904
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.080
and I am a behavioral intervention specialist

905
00:55:01.440 --> 00:55:02.960
I think he's a great person.

906
00:55:02.960 --> 00:55:04.440
I think he's a great leader.

907
00:55:03.080 --> 00:55:04.040
for kids and teenagers.

908
00:55:04.040 --> 00:55:06.020
So we have a lot of shared.

909
00:55:07.000 --> 00:55:08.880
I think we have like a very similar worldview.

910
00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:10.360
We're both very empathetic people.

911
00:55:10.360 --> 00:55:13.560
We have very good conversations.

912
00:55:14.600 --> 00:55:16.240
I always feel like our time together

913
00:55:16.240 --> 00:55:18.320
is kind of like goes fast.

914
00:55:19.560 --> 00:55:21.360
He's really attractive.

915
00:55:21.360 --> 00:55:23.100
He's very sweet.

916
00:55:23.100 --> 00:55:27.840
I think he's somebody who, I mean, I guess

917
00:55:27.840 --> 00:55:29.720
this is sort of stereotypical of being a counselor.

918
00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:32.480
He is very communicative and like,

919
00:55:32.480 --> 00:55:35.280
I feel like we could build a healthy relationship

920
00:55:35.280 --> 00:55:38.320
with probably a lot of women, to be honest.

921
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:40.760
He was cheated on multiple times in his previous marriage.

922
00:55:40.760 --> 00:55:43.760
And so anyways, I don't need to get into all that,

923
00:55:43.760 --> 00:55:46.320
but so there's really nothing.

924
00:55:46.320 --> 00:55:47.840
How long were you guys dating?

925
00:55:47.840 --> 00:55:48.680
I'm gonna cut you off.

926
00:55:48.680 --> 00:55:49.560
How long were you guys dating

927
00:55:49.560 --> 00:55:52.200
before you found out that he was cheated on?

928
00:55:52.200 --> 00:55:54.960
Okay, so he told me everything

929
00:55:54.960 --> 00:55:56.660
the first phone conversation.

930
00:55:57.660 --> 00:56:02.660
So yeah, I think to see,

931
00:56:02.980 --> 00:56:05.700
do you still wanna go out with me kind of a thing?

932
00:56:05.700 --> 00:56:09.100
Yeah, and ladies, we coach you ladies

933
00:56:09.100 --> 00:56:10.260
not to do those deep dives,

934
00:56:10.260 --> 00:56:12.020
but it doesn't mean that men are not gonna

935
00:56:12.020 --> 00:56:12.900
just lay it on the table

936
00:56:12.900 --> 00:56:15.260
because they're not being coached probably

937
00:56:15.260 --> 00:56:16.180
to not do the same thing.

938
00:56:16.180 --> 00:56:17.660
My husband did the same thing.

939
00:56:18.540 --> 00:56:20.980
So it's not necessarily a red flag,

940
00:56:20.980 --> 00:56:23.060
but it will be a yellow flag.

941
00:56:23.060 --> 00:56:24.500
Okay, and you're gonna wanna see,

942
00:56:24.500 --> 00:56:27.020
okay, he's divulging all this information.

943
00:56:27.020 --> 00:56:29.020
You don't wanna do those trauma bond things, okay?

944
00:56:29.020 --> 00:56:30.740
And then you start feeling sucked in.

945
00:56:30.740 --> 00:56:33.540
Oh, he's such a great guy and all these things happen.

946
00:56:33.540 --> 00:56:37.660
You wanna be very vigilant in your dates

947
00:56:37.660 --> 00:56:38.740
and getting to know someone.

948
00:56:38.740 --> 00:56:43.740
That's why we do coach you ladies to have a level two.

949
00:56:44.460 --> 00:56:47.180
So again, dating 101, in that video,

950
00:56:47.180 --> 00:56:49.340
we talk about the levels of relationship,

951
00:56:49.340 --> 00:56:52.800
what level two dating or discovery looks like,

952
00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:54.880
where you're doing, you're learning more

953
00:56:54.880 --> 00:56:57.560
about the here and now.

954
00:56:57.560 --> 00:56:58.400
Okay, you don't wanna know,

955
00:56:58.400 --> 00:56:59.920
you don't wanna dig in the X files

956
00:56:59.920 --> 00:57:02.080
and that sort of thing does not mean

957
00:57:02.080 --> 00:57:04.680
you're not gonna find that information out.

958
00:57:04.680 --> 00:57:08.960
We're gonna coach you on how to kind of put boundaries up

959
00:57:08.960 --> 00:57:12.600
before because you can get very emotionally involved.

960
00:57:12.600 --> 00:57:14.840
And then there can be confusion.

961
00:57:14.840 --> 00:57:18.880
And like, again, you're stepping into this like,

962
00:57:18.880 --> 00:57:20.800
now you kind of put all your eggs in one basket

963
00:57:20.800 --> 00:57:24.320
with one person and then you're not really sure

964
00:57:24.320 --> 00:57:26.840
if you're emotionally connected,

965
00:57:26.840 --> 00:57:29.040
you're not gonna see red flags,

966
00:57:29.040 --> 00:57:30.920
not saying that this is happening in your situation,

967
00:57:30.920 --> 00:57:32.920
Michelle, I'm just, again, I'm taking this

968
00:57:32.920 --> 00:57:35.040
from a coaching standpoint for everybody here

969
00:57:35.040 --> 00:57:37.040
and on the call right now.

970
00:57:38.400 --> 00:57:39.720
Okay, so first phone call,

971
00:57:39.720 --> 00:57:41.760
he kind of divulges this information.

972
00:57:41.760 --> 00:57:44.380
What was your response to all of that?

973
00:57:45.380 --> 00:57:49.380
I think I mostly just listened, honestly.

974
00:57:49.380 --> 00:57:54.380
I didn't say, I don't remember saying a whole lot about it.

975
00:57:55.060 --> 00:57:56.580
Good, good, good.

976
00:57:56.580 --> 00:57:58.420
You know, just being a listening ear,

977
00:57:59.340 --> 00:58:01.220
sometimes even just kind of redirecting.

978
00:58:01.220 --> 00:58:03.420
Like, you know, I really appreciate you trusting me

979
00:58:03.420 --> 00:58:05.300
with that information.

980
00:58:05.300 --> 00:58:08.980
Why don't we, before we kind of dig into those type

981
00:58:08.980 --> 00:58:10.700
of details, let's really spend time getting

982
00:58:10.700 --> 00:58:11.980
to know each other first.

983
00:58:12.500 --> 00:58:14.900
Again, so I'm coaching this to all the women, okay?

984
00:58:14.900 --> 00:58:16.940
So obviously, Michelle, like you've known him

985
00:58:16.940 --> 00:58:18.940
for two months, you can't kind of go back to that, okay?

986
00:58:18.940 --> 00:58:20.180
But again, for those ladies,

987
00:58:20.180 --> 00:58:22.300
when these type of things happen,

988
00:58:22.300 --> 00:58:25.660
that's how you can set a boundary and respond to them.

989
00:58:25.660 --> 00:58:27.820
Because men will do this, all right?

990
00:58:27.820 --> 00:58:30.780
Men will divulge all the information,

991
00:58:30.780 --> 00:58:33.060
especially if they've been hurt in their past,

992
00:58:33.060 --> 00:58:35.720
they don't wanna put themselves in that same situation,

993
00:58:35.720 --> 00:58:38.060
so they're gonna put it out on the table, all right?

994
00:58:38.060 --> 00:58:40.940
But we can redirect.

995
00:58:40.940 --> 00:58:45.940
Okay, so you're not sure where this is going, right?

996
00:58:47.700 --> 00:58:50.380
I think there've been some things that have caused me

997
00:58:50.380 --> 00:58:51.980
to be a little bit confused.

998
00:58:51.980 --> 00:58:54.980
And then I also have, from the beginning,

999
00:58:55.900 --> 00:59:00.900
for me, I've questioned the relocation keys

1000
00:59:01.100 --> 00:59:03.900
for me personally, because he's about two hours away.

1001
00:59:04.860 --> 00:59:06.860
That was like a hard and fast deal breaker

1002
00:59:06.860 --> 00:59:08.140
for me for a long time.

1003
00:59:08.180 --> 00:59:09.900
And I'm trying to be more open,

1004
00:59:11.740 --> 00:59:16.540
but it's also, obviously, I've never dated anybody

1005
00:59:16.540 --> 00:59:19.380
with kids and shared parenting before,

1006
00:59:19.380 --> 00:59:21.980
mentally trying to process that,

1007
00:59:21.980 --> 00:59:24.420
oh, so for the rest of almost forever,

1008
00:59:24.420 --> 00:59:26.500
we have to stay in this little,

1009
00:59:26.500 --> 00:59:29.860
that's a pretty overwhelming thing for me.

1010
00:59:29.860 --> 00:59:30.700
Okay.

1011
00:59:30.700 --> 00:59:31.780
Especially because literally no one

1012
00:59:31.780 --> 00:59:33.740
in my extended family included

1013
00:59:33.740 --> 00:59:36.540
has ever moved more than 15 minutes away.

1014
00:59:36.540 --> 00:59:38.220
My parents already have a piece of their farm

1015
00:59:38.220 --> 00:59:39.220
they wanna give me.

1016
00:59:39.220 --> 00:59:41.660
So I've always mentally been here.

1017
00:59:41.660 --> 00:59:43.620
So that's been a lot to process.

1018
00:59:43.620 --> 00:59:45.900
But then that's one part of my question.

1019
00:59:45.900 --> 00:59:48.380
When is it appropriate to start asking those kinds

1020
00:59:48.380 --> 00:59:53.020
of questions of, hey, not saying we're gonna get married,

1021
00:59:53.020 --> 00:59:55.900
but down the road, where do you need to be?

1022
00:59:55.900 --> 00:59:58.060
Where do you see yourself geographically?

1023
00:59:58.060 --> 01:00:00.060
And then also, he's just been

1024
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.960
little confusing for me because he has told me he's not seeing

1025
01:00:02.960 --> 01:00:06.200
anybody else, which caused me to feel bad for talking to other

1026
01:00:06.200 --> 01:00:09.800
guys. But yeah, we only see each other every other weekend. He's

1027
01:00:09.800 --> 01:00:15.280
not calling me a lot. He calls me like once a week. He works. I

1028
01:00:15.280 --> 01:00:18.140
mean, he is working like 70 hours a week because he's in a

1029
01:00:18.140 --> 01:00:22.100
master's program. So he's doing a practicum and then he has the

1030
01:00:22.100 --> 01:00:27.360
kids. So his capacity, I think is pretty limited. So I'm

1031
01:00:27.360 --> 01:00:29.980
concerned about the possible relocation. I'm also concerned

1032
01:00:29.980 --> 01:00:33.860
about does he have the time for a long distance relationship? But

1033
01:00:33.860 --> 01:00:37.220
I don't. And I questioning should I still be seeing other

1034
01:00:37.220 --> 01:00:39.780
people like those? I mean, I'm kind of just trying to figure

1035
01:00:39.780 --> 01:00:41.580
out I guess, okay, how do I do? I

1036
01:00:41.580 --> 01:00:45.100
were all these are all really good questions. And I think, you

1037
01:00:45.100 --> 01:00:49.020
know, we do see it. These many of these times caught questions

1038
01:00:49.020 --> 01:00:54.820
come up in this phase. I think this is good to unpack. Um, so

1039
01:00:54.820 --> 01:01:02.180
there's a couple things that I wrote down. Okay. The this is

1040
01:01:02.220 --> 01:01:07.020
this again, is going to go towards like, you having to go

1041
01:01:07.020 --> 01:01:10.460
spend some time with Holy Spirit, and seeing what comes

1042
01:01:10.460 --> 01:01:17.900
to surface. So you brought up, you feel bad. You feel bad

1043
01:01:17.900 --> 01:01:23.140
because he, here's the thing you you even mentioned that he

1044
01:01:23.900 --> 01:01:27.580
works 70 hours, he has his kids every other weekend, does he have

1045
01:01:27.580 --> 01:01:30.300
them 5050? Or does he have them only every other weekend?

1046
01:01:31.060 --> 01:01:35.500
He has them almost 50. So like some days, he dropped Saturday

1047
01:01:35.500 --> 01:01:38.660
at 10am. Sometimes he has them Saturday. Okay.

1048
01:01:41.540 --> 01:01:45.340
Him only spending time with you is probably that's all he has

1049
01:01:45.340 --> 01:01:53.100
the capacity for. My question to you is, where does the concern

1050
01:01:53.100 --> 01:01:58.620
and the feeling bad come from? What's the root of that? And

1051
01:01:58.620 --> 01:02:02.740
let's, let's unpack that a little bit, like, why feel bad,

1052
01:02:02.740 --> 01:02:07.500
because he's got kids, he's got a lot on his plate, you don't

1053
01:02:07.500 --> 01:02:14.500
necessarily do. He hasn't come to. Because again, we, we talk

1054
01:02:14.500 --> 01:02:17.460
about the levels of relationship level two is that discovery

1055
01:02:17.460 --> 01:02:20.860
dating, you're just getting to know someone level three is

1056
01:02:20.940 --> 01:02:25.380
exclusivity, where you're just dating that one person. And we

1057
01:02:25.380 --> 01:02:30.540
encourage you ladies to leave that level to the men to

1058
01:02:30.540 --> 01:02:35.860
initiate. Okay, so if he has not come out and said, Look, I want

1059
01:02:36.060 --> 01:02:40.220
to exclusively date just you, what are your thoughts on that?

1060
01:02:40.980 --> 01:02:44.860
Then you can say, Okay, I'd be open to it. But there's some

1061
01:02:44.860 --> 01:02:50.500
other things that I want to unpack here before I agree to us

1062
01:02:50.500 --> 01:02:54.060
working this out, like whether or not we get an exclusive

1063
01:02:54.060 --> 01:02:58.380
relationship or not. And so once Okay, so ladies, the level two

1064
01:02:58.380 --> 01:03:01.700
relationship that getting to know you face, that's where

1065
01:03:01.700 --> 01:03:04.060
you're gonna you're just getting to know the surface level of

1066
01:03:04.060 --> 01:03:07.180
them. That's like two or three dates. Do you enjoy their

1067
01:03:07.180 --> 01:03:10.420
company? Do they have fruit? Do you enjoy some of the same

1068
01:03:10.420 --> 01:03:13.900
things? Do you have fun with them? Okay, you might start

1069
01:03:13.900 --> 01:03:17.900
seeing yellow flags in those in those first two or three dates.

1070
01:03:18.460 --> 01:03:22.580
Then as you move on into like after a month to two months,

1071
01:03:22.980 --> 01:03:26.020
you're gonna start getting more in depth questions, you're gonna

1072
01:03:26.020 --> 01:03:28.780
start getting to know them on a deeper level. Okay, we're not

1073
01:03:28.780 --> 01:03:31.140
saying phase two, you don't ever get to know them on a deeper

1074
01:03:31.140 --> 01:03:35.500
level. We just don't want you going to that deeper level. In

1075
01:03:35.500 --> 01:03:39.260
the first two or three days, been time getting to know them

1076
01:03:39.260 --> 01:03:44.660
in the here and now. And then after three, four dates, over at

1077
01:03:44.660 --> 01:03:47.820
least a month of getting to know them, you're seeing some good

1078
01:03:47.820 --> 01:03:50.140
fruit, you think you might be interested in getting to know

1079
01:03:50.140 --> 01:03:53.620
them on a more deeper level, then you can have that

1080
01:03:53.620 --> 01:03:57.100
appropriate conversation like, hey, we've been we've known each

1081
01:03:57.100 --> 01:04:02.980
other now for eight weeks, we've gone on four dates. You know,

1082
01:04:03.140 --> 01:04:09.020
what's this look like for you? Like we were long distance. And

1083
01:04:09.020 --> 01:04:11.420
I think this before you have this conversation with the

1084
01:04:11.420 --> 01:04:14.180
Michelle, I think it is going to be important for you to kind of,

1085
01:04:14.420 --> 01:04:21.660
again, go process with the Lord. Are you open to relocating? What

1086
01:04:21.660 --> 01:04:26.180
fears are coming up for you that might start surfacing at the

1087
01:04:26.180 --> 01:04:29.580
thought that you might have to move? Because here's the reality

1088
01:04:29.580 --> 01:04:32.220
of it, ladies, and I'm going to just I'm going to be very blunt

1089
01:04:32.220 --> 01:04:35.380
about it. If you ladies are going to date with date men that

1090
01:04:35.380 --> 01:04:41.180
have children, you're going to have to be open and willing that

1091
01:04:41.180 --> 01:04:49.500
there's parent, co parenting things. And that's important.

1092
01:04:50.340 --> 01:04:54.300
Like, I'm just gonna be real. Okay. I came into my

1093
01:04:54.340 --> 01:04:58.060
relationship with the child. And so did my my husband now my

1094
01:04:58.060 --> 01:04:59.900
husband's former

1095
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:07.680
she had passed so we didn't have any issues there. Now my situation, my son's

1096
01:05:07.680 --> 01:05:12.680
dad was in his life but he also was checking himself out so it opened me up

1097
01:05:12.680 --> 01:05:17.000
to being able to relocate but that was one of those things was a God thing for

1098
01:05:17.000 --> 01:05:25.360
me because I was not open to relocating my child away from his dad. Now he ended

1099
01:05:25.360 --> 01:05:30.680
up God supernaturally shifted him out of the state from Florida to Michigan

1100
01:05:30.680 --> 01:05:35.400
which opened the door for me to be able to relocate. All right that does not

1101
01:05:35.400 --> 01:05:41.840
typically happen. All right so when there's parent sharing things in place

1102
01:05:41.840 --> 01:05:47.720
especially in the courts people are not going to be able to relocate if they

1103
01:05:47.720 --> 01:05:51.760
have children so you have to be very open in the very beginning if you are

1104
01:05:51.760 --> 01:05:56.760
going to date someone long distance or someone who has parent sharing things

1105
01:05:56.760 --> 01:06:02.160
you're gonna have to ask yourself do you have the capacity to be able to do that

1106
01:06:02.160 --> 01:06:07.320
and if you do God is gonna give you the grace for that. So I think that's gonna

1107
01:06:07.320 --> 01:06:09.920
be the hard question Michelle that you're gonna have to kind of go to the

1108
01:06:09.920 --> 01:06:15.000
Lord with are you willing to relocate because it sounds like this man shares

1109
01:06:15.040 --> 01:06:23.120
his kids with his late his former wife and he's not gonna be able to move. When

1110
01:06:23.120 --> 01:06:29.200
do I need to know that? I guess that's you're gonna need to know whether or not

1111
01:06:29.200 --> 01:06:33.280
you're gonna move forward with him you're gonna need to know you're gonna

1112
01:06:33.280 --> 01:06:38.240
need to sort that out within yourself because otherwise you're gonna get

1113
01:06:38.240 --> 01:06:42.920
yourself into more confusion because you're not sure whether or not you want

1114
01:06:42.920 --> 01:06:47.160
to do it and you're gonna continue to get more invested with this guy and it's

1115
01:06:47.160 --> 01:06:50.960
gonna lead to more confusion so I think this is when you need to kind of spend

1116
01:06:50.960 --> 01:06:57.080
some time what is holding you back from going all in with the idea of relocating

1117
01:06:57.080 --> 01:06:59.560
and I'm not saying that this is your spirit mate and that you're gonna have

1118
01:06:59.560 --> 01:07:03.640
to do it but I think there's gonna be some things that surface that maybe

1119
01:07:03.640 --> 01:07:10.000
again you're gonna want to unpack and do some hard work on okay and I'm gonna

1120
01:07:10.000 --> 01:07:13.120
I'm gonna be a little hard with you right now I hope that you you receive

1121
01:07:13.120 --> 01:07:18.360
this in love this is one of the reasons why we really encourage you ladies in

1122
01:07:18.360 --> 01:07:23.560
phase one not to do the dating okay it sounds like you were in phase one and

1123
01:07:23.560 --> 01:07:27.720
you started this relationship and it really does allow there's there's

1124
01:07:27.720 --> 01:07:33.480
distraction when we're dating in phase one okay now we can't go back and turn

1125
01:07:33.480 --> 01:07:38.080
the pages and it's not it's not a death sentence okay we can work on some of

1126
01:07:38.080 --> 01:07:41.600
this hard work and unpacking some of that that's why I'm encouraging you to

1127
01:07:41.600 --> 01:07:47.920
spend some time and let's get to the surface of do you want to relocate if

1128
01:07:47.920 --> 01:07:53.520
you don't what's holding you back what fears anxious thoughts are surfacing and

1129
01:07:53.520 --> 01:07:59.240
what hard work might need to take place in order to help get you there what I

1130
01:07:59.240 --> 01:08:04.760
don't want to see is that you just keep investing in this and then it just it

1131
01:08:04.760 --> 01:08:10.920
ties you even harder that if this is not really God's design and plan for you

1132
01:08:10.920 --> 01:08:17.240
that you're gonna kind of keep yourself in that waiting room or again you know

1133
01:08:17.240 --> 01:08:22.960
getting more involved with someone that maybe it's not not God's design for you

1134
01:08:22.960 --> 01:08:30.359
does that make sense it does I think

1135
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:36.760
you're timing out I don't know if you're

1136
01:08:37.319 --> 01:08:44.120
does anybody else have her frozen yeah okay

1137
01:08:47.240 --> 01:08:54.160
okay Madison I see your message and so that you have to jump in I will I will

1138
01:08:54.160 --> 01:08:58.359
if I have time here actually we're running running kind of low on time I

1139
01:08:58.399 --> 01:09:05.120
will respond Madison to you in the app with some of my thoughts to unpack some

1140
01:09:05.120 --> 01:09:09.080
things so we can kind of start that process and then next week if you want

1141
01:09:09.080 --> 01:09:12.399
to come I can take your question first and we can unpack a little bit more

1142
01:09:12.399 --> 01:09:19.359
about what your question is if that works okay also Mary you're gonna okay

1143
01:09:19.359 --> 01:09:27.399
that would be fantastic I don't know did did Michelle jump off I think she her

1144
01:09:27.399 --> 01:09:30.960
connection got a little spotty

1145
01:09:31.439 --> 01:09:36.680
okay well for sake of time maybe Michelle will pop back on and then I

1146
01:09:36.680 --> 01:09:39.840
think she might have even posted in the app too and I will follow back up with

1147
01:09:39.840 --> 01:09:45.800
her and ladies I want you to again I don't want I want you ladies to be able

1148
01:09:45.800 --> 01:09:50.240
to come with your questions and get real and vulnerable I also want you again I

1149
01:09:50.240 --> 01:09:55.080
want you ladies to hear my heart that some of this stuff we will pull we'll

1150
01:09:55.160 --> 01:09:59.240
have some hard conversations with you it's the whole part and it's not to be

1151
01:09:59.240 --> 01:10:01.960
discouraging

1152
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:05.760
It really is to kind of help you ladies pull to the surface what God wants to do in your heart.

1153
01:10:06.560 --> 01:10:11.440
All right. And I think I'm so thankful that Michelle brought this question because I think

1154
01:10:11.440 --> 01:10:18.960
it's a conversation really important to have in this phase because I see frequently people get in

1155
01:10:18.960 --> 01:10:24.800
a relationship with long distance, people get in relationship with kids, and we really need to be

1156
01:10:24.800 --> 01:10:34.000
very transparent and understand what that looks like. Long distance relationships are not for the

1157
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:41.920
faint of heart. And again, if you have the capacity for it, there is a supernatural grace

1158
01:10:42.640 --> 01:10:49.280
that can take place. But I think we have to get really real and vulnerable with ourselves and ask

1159
01:10:49.280 --> 01:10:56.160
ourselves these questions in the very beginning. What fears are coming up with the idea because

1160
01:10:56.160 --> 01:11:01.120
God will put us in sometimes some of you ladies are going to be in long distance relationships.

1161
01:11:01.120 --> 01:11:05.520
Some of you ladies are going to be in relationships where kids are involved, where maybe you didn't

1162
01:11:05.520 --> 01:11:10.960
think that that was part of the plan. And so God is going to start bringing those things to surface

1163
01:11:10.960 --> 01:11:16.000
and start working on your heart in those areas because he has called you to that.

1164
01:11:16.080 --> 01:11:24.240
I never thought I was going to marry someone that had children. Yet I came with a kid.

1165
01:11:25.440 --> 01:11:32.560
And so when my husband came, I was like, Oh yeah, that's totally fine. Y'all like God really has

1166
01:11:32.560 --> 01:11:38.880
been working with me in this. There's a lot of stuff now. Thank God. I know he partnered me and

1167
01:11:38.880 --> 01:11:44.960
my husband together because he had a purpose for us and for our kids. He didn't just come to us

1168
01:11:45.280 --> 01:11:49.760
He didn't just call me to be my husband's wife or my husband. He called me to be his wife because

1169
01:11:49.760 --> 01:11:55.360
he has two kids that I really do believe I'm in their life to help them in their healing.

1170
01:11:55.360 --> 01:12:02.400
They're in my life to help me in my healing. Same thing with my son, my husband and his kids

1171
01:12:02.400 --> 01:12:08.640
are part of my son's healing process too. Doesn't mean that it's easy, but it does mean it's worth

1172
01:12:08.640 --> 01:12:13.760
it. And so God has to work through things and he's going to pull things out of us. And he's

1173
01:12:13.760 --> 01:12:19.600
going to be gentle with it, but we also have to be very real with it as well. So I hope that

1174
01:12:19.600 --> 01:12:26.320
you ladies hear that. Okay. And hear it with love. All right. There's going to be hard things that

1175
01:12:26.320 --> 01:12:30.240
we're going to do in this phase, but we get to do it within community and we get to do it together.

1176
01:12:31.040 --> 01:12:36.400
All right. And I'm going to be gentle with you all, but I'm also going to be very real. And I'm

1177
01:12:36.400 --> 01:12:41.680
going to be very hard with you at times because I know that God has good things for you and he's

1178
01:12:41.680 --> 01:12:48.640
going to have good healing for you ladies as well. And yes, Mary, it's the pruning, the good

1179
01:12:48.640 --> 01:12:57.840
for the great. Yes, it really is. Good, good things. All right. I'm going to take Lisette

1180
01:12:58.720 --> 01:13:01.920
and then we're going to go ahead and end the call because we're running out of time here.

1181
01:13:02.560 --> 01:13:07.840
So Lisette, thank you so much for being patient. How are you? What's your question today?

1182
01:13:07.840 --> 01:13:11.920
I'm good. I just wanted to also give an update because I haven't like come on camera here during

1183
01:13:11.920 --> 01:13:20.560
the live. I usually hear the replay. So update is that I have gone on like eight dates, well,

1184
01:13:20.560 --> 01:13:26.640
like four in person and four video dates and none of them really worked out for one reason or other,

1185
01:13:26.640 --> 01:13:33.360
but I just, I don't know. I think I get, so I'm like verbal processing a little bit here, but

1186
01:13:33.360 --> 01:13:40.400
I think I get very impatient sometimes because I feel like I'm putting in effort and I don't get a

1187
01:13:40.400 --> 01:13:47.440
lot of effort back. And so I'm just like trying to decipher when is a good time to like cut some

1188
01:13:47.440 --> 01:13:52.400
people off like that. I'm like, I talked to, you know, I talked to guys and it's like, oh, it's

1189
01:13:52.400 --> 01:13:55.840
like sometimes it's a good conversation or sometimes it's not, not that great or whatever.

1190
01:13:55.840 --> 01:14:02.320
And then they just don't follow up at all. Like, I just don't hear from them. Like, and I'm like,

1191
01:14:02.320 --> 01:14:06.960
okay, I don't know if I just like unmatched cause I'm just going to assume that they're

1192
01:14:06.960 --> 01:14:14.880
uninterested. Or if I leave them sitting there for like a while, like, I don't even, I don't know.

1193
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:22.320
It just kind of like annoys me that it bugs me to like leave them there and be like, like I could,

1194
01:14:22.320 --> 01:14:27.200
cause I don't want to get overwhelmed also by matching with too many people at the same time.

1195
01:14:27.200 --> 01:14:33.120
So I turned my profile off. Like I'll pause my dating. I'm on hinge specifically and I'll

1196
01:14:33.120 --> 01:14:38.800
pause it. And then I'm like, okay, but these guys now I have like three guys in here or whatever.

1197
01:14:38.800 --> 01:14:42.800
And then all of a sudden, none of them are messaging after this weekend. And so I'm like,

1198
01:14:42.800 --> 01:14:50.320
okay, well that's a waste of time. Let me just, I don't know. Yeah. I think I get too impatient

1199
01:14:50.320 --> 01:14:55.840
about it. Maybe. I think that's good. So again, I think, you know, this, all that, what you're

1200
01:14:55.840 --> 01:14:59.920
saying, I definitely experienced it myself. 100%. But it's kind of.

1201
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.440
And that's kind of the part of sometimes online dating.

1202
01:15:03.440 --> 01:15:07.440
It's like, okay, it's not feeling overwhelmed.

1203
01:15:07.440 --> 01:15:09.240
It's kind of taking it in strides

1204
01:15:09.240 --> 01:15:11.720
and sorting through all of that.

1205
01:15:11.720 --> 01:15:13.000
That's not uncommon.

1206
01:15:13.000 --> 01:15:16.400
Okay, what you're experiencing is not uncommon.

1207
01:15:16.400 --> 01:15:18.560
Where I think it's really beneficial,

1208
01:15:18.560 --> 01:15:19.960
especially being in this program

1209
01:15:19.960 --> 01:15:23.840
is that we can start unpacking it a little bit, okay?

1210
01:15:23.840 --> 01:15:26.600
Using these opportunities and recognizing,

1211
01:15:26.600 --> 01:15:30.120
okay, I'm impatient, I'm putting in effort,

1212
01:15:30.120 --> 01:15:32.560
I'm feeling frustrated because they're not.

1213
01:15:32.560 --> 01:15:36.320
So now what we get to do is we get to go through our heartwork.

1214
01:15:36.320 --> 01:15:38.080
Okay, why am I feeling this way?

1215
01:15:38.080 --> 01:15:43.280
What thoughts and beliefs are starting to surface

1216
01:15:43.280 --> 01:15:45.360
as to why I'm feeling frustrated?

1217
01:15:45.360 --> 01:15:46.600
And let's unpack that and say,

1218
01:15:46.600 --> 01:15:49.560
okay, what am I believing is a lie

1219
01:15:49.560 --> 01:15:50.920
and what's God say about it?

1220
01:15:50.920 --> 01:15:52.160
And what's God's truth about it?

1221
01:15:52.160 --> 01:15:54.000
And let's start replacing that.

1222
01:15:54.000 --> 01:15:56.200
And this could be that part of that process

1223
01:15:56.200 --> 01:15:57.840
of growing and healing of like,

1224
01:15:57.840 --> 01:16:02.760
okay, I'm frustrated because guys aren't showing up.

1225
01:16:02.760 --> 01:16:05.080
Guys aren't putting in the effort.

1226
01:16:05.080 --> 01:16:08.280
Are there beliefs that you're aligning with,

1227
01:16:08.280 --> 01:16:11.000
with men and their ability to show up?

1228
01:16:11.000 --> 01:16:12.440
Is there anything that, again,

1229
01:16:12.440 --> 01:16:14.800
we're wanting to get to those core beliefs

1230
01:16:15.640 --> 01:16:17.440
so that we can start unpacking that

1231
01:16:17.440 --> 01:16:20.960
and really start shedding light on God's truth

1232
01:16:20.960 --> 01:16:23.240
and healing from those things.

1233
01:16:23.240 --> 01:16:25.760
I had to do the same thing.

1234
01:16:26.320 --> 01:16:29.000
I'm showing up, I'm doing all the things,

1235
01:16:29.000 --> 01:16:30.640
but no one, I mean, y'all,

1236
01:16:30.640 --> 01:16:34.520
I cannot tell you how many first dates I had

1237
01:16:34.520 --> 01:16:36.320
or how many conversations I had

1238
01:16:36.320 --> 01:16:38.160
that I thought were going somewhere

1239
01:16:38.160 --> 01:16:41.360
and the guys just literally disappear.

1240
01:16:42.320 --> 01:16:44.360
And I'm like, what?

1241
01:16:45.240 --> 01:16:47.960
And I had to start realizing a lot of it,

1242
01:16:47.960 --> 01:16:49.960
I had these beliefs of rejection.

1243
01:16:50.840 --> 01:16:53.680
I had these beliefs of not being worthy enough.

1244
01:16:54.640 --> 01:16:56.880
And I had to really go to the Lord with it.

1245
01:16:56.880 --> 01:17:00.600
Like, okay, where did this surface?

1246
01:17:00.600 --> 01:17:02.240
Where's the root?

1247
01:17:02.240 --> 01:17:04.440
And God used all of those situations

1248
01:17:04.440 --> 01:17:06.720
to start healing me and growing me

1249
01:17:06.720 --> 01:17:10.120
so that once I was really working through that,

1250
01:17:10.120 --> 01:17:13.120
when that situation happened again,

1251
01:17:13.120 --> 01:17:17.040
I was like, oh, okay, that just must not be my spirit mate.

1252
01:17:17.040 --> 01:17:19.000
I'm moving on to the next one.

1253
01:17:19.000 --> 01:17:22.600
And I found myself that as I started unpacking that stuff

1254
01:17:22.600 --> 01:17:24.600
and really started finding out

1255
01:17:24.600 --> 01:17:26.560
where those root beliefs were

1256
01:17:27.360 --> 01:17:28.880
and what God actually said

1257
01:17:28.880 --> 01:17:31.760
and replacing those lies with his truth

1258
01:17:31.760 --> 01:17:33.760
and then putting that into practice,

1259
01:17:34.680 --> 01:17:36.200
I got so much more healing

1260
01:17:37.440 --> 01:17:40.560
and I was able to move through this process

1261
01:17:40.560 --> 01:17:43.120
a lot more smoother and really being like,

1262
01:17:43.120 --> 01:17:47.120
okay, God, I know you have what's best for me.

1263
01:17:47.120 --> 01:17:49.200
And I'm under God's protection,

1264
01:17:49.200 --> 01:17:50.960
I'm under God's, you know,

1265
01:17:52.400 --> 01:17:54.960
he's protecting me and he's, you know,

1266
01:17:54.960 --> 01:17:57.240
we talk about being God-defended.

1267
01:17:58.320 --> 01:18:00.080
Guys are removing themselves

1268
01:18:00.080 --> 01:18:01.360
and I would get frustrated with it,

1269
01:18:01.360 --> 01:18:05.200
but then I was like, no, I want those guys

1270
01:18:05.200 --> 01:18:06.280
to remove themselves

1271
01:18:06.280 --> 01:18:09.040
because I don't want them entering in

1272
01:18:09.040 --> 01:18:11.520
into this like confusing back and forth,

1273
01:18:11.520 --> 01:18:12.800
like, okay, what is this?

1274
01:18:12.800 --> 01:18:14.760
What is it not?

1275
01:18:14.760 --> 01:18:17.160
And then I'm left confused and trying to decide,

1276
01:18:17.160 --> 01:18:18.320
do I stick onto this guy?

1277
01:18:18.320 --> 01:18:19.360
Do I not?

1278
01:18:19.360 --> 01:18:21.680
I was really working all of that out.

1279
01:18:21.680 --> 01:18:24.880
So you bring up a lot of really great things

1280
01:18:24.880 --> 01:18:27.480
and so my response to you is,

1281
01:18:27.480 --> 01:18:29.680
let's start figuring out where,

1282
01:18:29.680 --> 01:18:32.920
what beliefs are you aligning with

1283
01:18:32.920 --> 01:18:34.960
that's attaching that frustration?

1284
01:18:36.000 --> 01:18:38.320
Okay, because yes, we don't want you to get overwhelmed.

1285
01:18:38.320 --> 01:18:39.640
I think it's great that, you know,

1286
01:18:39.640 --> 01:18:41.800
you get a couple guys that you're communicating with,

1287
01:18:41.800 --> 01:18:42.960
you're gonna put things on pause

1288
01:18:42.960 --> 01:18:44.480
so you don't get overwhelmed

1289
01:18:44.480 --> 01:18:45.800
and then if they kind of stop,

1290
01:18:45.800 --> 01:18:48.320
like if they're kind of bowing themselves out,

1291
01:18:48.320 --> 01:18:52.200
I mean, as long as you are reciprocating effort, okay?

1292
01:18:53.120 --> 01:18:55.440
And if they kind of are showing no effort,

1293
01:18:55.440 --> 01:18:56.400
you don't have to,

1294
01:18:56.400 --> 01:18:58.680
like you just wanna match their efforts

1295
01:18:58.680 --> 01:19:00.280
and if they kind of take themselves out,

1296
01:19:00.280 --> 01:19:01.240
you don't have to remove them,

1297
01:19:01.240 --> 01:19:02.080
you don't have to unmatch them,

1298
01:19:02.080 --> 01:19:03.480
you don't have to block them

1299
01:19:03.480 --> 01:19:06.200
unless they're being completely inappropriate

1300
01:19:06.200 --> 01:19:09.080
and there's like glaring red flags.

1301
01:19:09.080 --> 01:19:10.480
You can leave them there

1302
01:19:10.480 --> 01:19:13.280
because who knows, maybe they'll circle back around

1303
01:19:13.320 --> 01:19:15.680
and just, again, leaving God in charge,

1304
01:19:16.520 --> 01:19:18.080
you know, releasing all of that

1305
01:19:18.080 --> 01:19:20.400
to God's supernatural surrender

1306
01:19:21.760 --> 01:19:23.440
and then, okay, they start, you know,

1307
01:19:23.440 --> 01:19:25.280
I've got three or four guys I'm talking to,

1308
01:19:25.280 --> 01:19:26.840
I'm gonna put things on pause

1309
01:19:26.840 --> 01:19:29.720
and then maybe guys are not reciprocating much effort,

1310
01:19:29.720 --> 01:19:33.120
unpause yourself, see if another few filter in

1311
01:19:33.120 --> 01:19:38.120
and it's okay just to let that surface, okay?

1312
01:19:38.240 --> 01:19:40.320
But what I wanna get to is

1313
01:19:41.240 --> 01:19:44.360
what emotions and feelings are starting to surface up in you

1314
01:19:44.360 --> 01:19:46.600
and how can we use this as an opportunity

1315
01:19:46.600 --> 01:19:50.800
to upgrade what God's truth is and grow and heal

1316
01:19:50.800 --> 01:19:54.120
because ladies, the dating process

1317
01:19:54.120 --> 01:19:57.320
will uncover more healing.

1318
01:19:58.400 --> 01:19:59.520
Does that make sense?

1319
01:19:59.520 --> 01:20:00.360
Yeah, yeah.

1320
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:05.600
thank you okay yeah all right you have any other thoughts before we we we check out here with

1321
01:20:05.600 --> 01:20:11.920
anything that i just shared with you what anything that um i mean yeah like i just have to be

1322
01:20:13.280 --> 01:20:19.680
like i like to just like check things off the list and like so i just want to get rid of them

1323
01:20:20.400 --> 01:20:26.640
like i'm like oh i don't see effort so i just like i just want to get rid of them

1324
01:20:26.640 --> 01:20:35.360
but yeah like i mean it really doesn't affect me either way to like leave it there um i know

1325
01:20:35.360 --> 01:20:41.680
like for me like and it's funny because i don't even think about this like i was thinking about

1326
01:20:41.680 --> 01:20:50.480
this yesterday but like in the past the people that i have dated they've always like needed me

1327
01:20:51.040 --> 01:20:58.480
like they've relied on me like i've never been able to rely on somebody else like

1328
01:20:58.480 --> 01:21:04.640
in a dating relationship like like i have you know everything else like my family's great you know

1329
01:21:04.640 --> 01:21:11.760
um and church community is great and all that but like in dating relationships specifically

1330
01:21:12.960 --> 01:21:18.640
i've never felt like the ability to just lean on somebody else like it's always been

1331
01:21:19.600 --> 01:21:23.120
you know they're emotional or they're going through something or whatever it is

1332
01:21:23.840 --> 01:21:31.120
so like you've kind of taken on that masculine role yeah i guess yeah and so that maybe that's

1333
01:21:31.120 --> 01:21:35.280
why i just feel like oh well they don't have any effort they're not going to be like reliable and

1334
01:21:35.280 --> 01:21:40.880
i can't like waste my time on somebody like that like i guess maybe that's what it is yeah so that's

1335
01:21:40.880 --> 01:21:44.880
what i'm saying let's get to some of that surface and let's you know spend spend this week and let's

1336
01:21:44.880 --> 01:21:48.560
you know spend time with the lord this right really want you to process that i think you

1337
01:21:48.560 --> 01:21:55.520
brought i think it's i don't i think that's definitely not a coincidence that this is

1338
01:21:55.520 --> 01:22:02.800
starting to surface that that thought of in the past i've men have had to rely on me i haven't

1339
01:22:02.800 --> 01:22:08.160
been able to rely on them so let's get to that you know what what things are surfacing what

1340
01:22:08.160 --> 01:22:13.440
beliefs are you you aligning with what is god's truth about it again we go back to heartwork

1341
01:22:14.240 --> 01:22:20.720
we got to replace those lies with god's truth is there any forgiveness that you might need to step

1342
01:22:20.720 --> 01:22:25.200
through again go back through that heartwork stuff ladies that heartwork those heartwork

1343
01:22:25.200 --> 01:22:31.920
tools are there for you you always get to go back to those all right i don't think like i said i

1344
01:22:31.920 --> 01:22:35.840
don't think it's a coincidence that some of this stuff is starting to surface i even i'm sensing

1345
01:22:35.840 --> 01:22:41.840
some there's some emotional stuff that's starting to surface and that's good we want some of that

1346
01:22:41.840 --> 01:22:48.080
to come out that's that reveal let's reveal it let's heal it and let's move forward and then

1347
01:22:48.080 --> 01:22:54.240
you know let's so spend that spend the week doing that and then i want you to come ready next week

1348
01:22:54.240 --> 01:23:01.440
to unpack some more or even in the app like what comes up please create a post an app

1349
01:23:02.080 --> 01:23:08.000
let us know what you're processing what things is god revealing to you what's he having you work on

1350
01:23:08.960 --> 01:23:16.640
okay ladies it's good this when you start dating so this stuff will start to surface and it's all

1351
01:23:16.640 --> 01:23:25.040
good let's be open to what god wants to use in this dating process to allow more healing he wants

1352
01:23:25.040 --> 01:23:31.440
us married he wants us in a relationship but more than that he wants us healed you're gonna when you

1353
01:23:31.440 --> 01:23:39.520
come into the relationship healed it's it's really good okay all right that's what we want

1354
01:23:40.560 --> 01:23:44.560
and then there's even more when y'all meet your spirit mates and you step into those relationships

1355
01:23:44.560 --> 01:23:48.960
and you get engaged and you get married there's even more healing ladies i can attest there's

1356
01:23:48.960 --> 01:23:56.800
still there's healing that god is using in my marriage for me things that come up that i'm

1357
01:23:56.800 --> 01:24:03.280
getting more healing in it's all good stuff it's being open to that healing process and so now y'all

1358
01:24:03.280 --> 01:24:08.720
are in phase two and you start dating and that starts coming up okay that's why we say hold hold

1359
01:24:08.720 --> 01:24:14.800
the door in phase one let's not get into dating in phase one and let's open it in phase two because

1360
01:24:14.800 --> 01:24:20.880
there's just going to be more things to uncover so um this is all good things to process i hope

1361
01:24:20.880 --> 01:24:25.520
you're getting some relief and i think going through is going to happen more things going

1362
01:24:25.520 --> 01:24:31.440
to be revealed to you all right ladies i apologize i know i see a lot more things coming up in the

1363
01:24:33.040 --> 01:24:42.080
chat see what i can pull um so yeah ladies check that out i think some of your sisters are gonna

1364
01:24:42.080 --> 01:24:48.560
are being able to relate to what's being shared here um so just know in the future when you come

1365
01:24:48.560 --> 01:24:54.960
on the call next week you know don't don't hesitate to share on these live calls and don't

1366
01:24:54.960 --> 01:24:59.920
hesitate to share in the app because what you're going through and experiencing your sister

1367
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.160
are probably experiencing the same thing and what many of you share in the app I probably have

1368
01:25:04.160 --> 01:25:09.040
experienced myself so I hope you understand that you know some of what I share I hope

1369
01:25:09.040 --> 01:25:13.760
you receive it as wisdom and knowledge of like what I walk through as well as well as Ebony

1370
01:25:15.120 --> 01:25:20.800
and even what we've seen in the community from other women we've had hundreds of thousands of

1371
01:25:20.800 --> 01:25:29.440
marriages in this community and a handful of them I've known personally and so you know just keep

1372
01:25:29.440 --> 01:25:36.480
showing up keep being intentional don't forget to do your pruning all right check out Supernatural

1373
01:25:36.480 --> 01:25:42.240
Saturday and watch that Sunday call as well because there's more unpacking of what you need

1374
01:25:42.240 --> 01:25:48.240
to prune be thinking about what you need to make space for and how you're going to make space for

1375
01:25:48.240 --> 01:25:58.480
it okay sound good all right and I got Mary you're going to post and then I'm Madison I'm going to

1376
01:25:58.480 --> 01:26:09.120
make sure that I go in her post and respond to her here in the next day all right sound good ladies

1377
01:26:10.080 --> 01:26:15.040
so good to see you ladies um if I didn't hear from you please make sure that you're posting

1378
01:26:15.040 --> 01:26:19.840
in the app we want to we want to stay up to date that's where we get the most breakthrough

1379
01:26:19.840 --> 01:26:25.920
okay all right ladies love you so much we'll see you next week