Welcome everybody, Rainmaker family.
Excited to have you in here.
We got people coming in from the waiting room still.
We have a very, very special guest today.
And we love bringing in trainers like this
to this community to really serve the whole person, right?
I know me and Chelsea have seen in our life, you know,
the ups of downs of marriage, right?
Like you go through the highs, you go through the lows.
But I believe marriage and entrepreneurship
are the two most transformational vehicles.
Oh, and probably parenting, okay?
Marriage, entrepreneurship, parenting, okay?
Like if you want to transform in life, get married.
And it could be for good or for bad, right?
If you want to like transform life,
start a business or have kids, right?
And it's going to put you through the paces,
but it can be so for you, you know?
And if you know me and Chelsea's story,
I let fear get in early on in our relationship.
I actually called off the wedding
after sending out the save the dates,
bad move on Steven's part.
But I just got fear in there, you know?
And I wasn't the, you know,
the mindset guy that you guys know today.
I was just young, I was 23 and I was freaked out.
And we had a counselor that honestly gave us,
she just kind of like stabbed into the fear
and twisted the knife.
And she's like, are you guys sure?
I don't know, should you really get married?
Like it was just, it was not good.
And you're going to hear today,
probably our guest's opinion on that type of counselor,
but it really threw us off.
Like it really threw us off and it almost broke us up,
you know?
And in that season of kind of the valley, right?
It's not what you learn at the mountain toss,
but it's what you learn in the valleys
that really give you the strength
to climb the next mountain.
And it was in that valley that we actually leaned in,
you know, and we actually had the hard conversation.
We actually asked the questions we were afraid to ask
and what we created in that season.
Three months later, we actually,
three months later after the date
we originally were supposed to get married,
we actually had our wedding.
And I cried most of the day
because it was so like powerful what happened
in that in-between, you know?
And these in-betweens,
whether you're going through it in your business
or your life or your relationships, they can be for you.
There's a beautiful squeeze that can happen
and the juice that comes out is delicious.
And I know it's hard to hear
when you're kind of just looking at the facts,
whether it's in a relationship business
or maybe parenting, you know?
Maybe you have a child that's going through some hard stuff.
And so just know that we hear you, we see you,
we're for you at Rainmakers,
and we want to bring in people
not just to help with the business side,
but with your whole life.
And today's guest is a really special guest.
She's a best-selling author,
but I think the thing that like I've been most impressed with
is how many times her name has come up
in rooms that I've been in, you know?
Like I've been in masterminds with people
and they're like, oh yeah,
we're going through this marriage thing, you know?
With Stacey and Paul.
And I just kept hearing this name, Stacey and Paul,
Stacey and Paul, who are these people?
And finally we got them on our podcast
and we were able to get her to come
and train you guys as well.
So we're talking about relationships today,
we're talking about marriage today.
She wrote a book recently called The Missing Piece.
Don't go out and grab it just yet, okay?
Because we have some special stuff for you guys
if you want it.
And I highly recommend it.
But I would say me and Chelsea,
just like just to edify what you're about to lean into,
any area of growth we see in our business
has had to happen in our family first, you know?
The business often kind of like manifests
on honestly stuff that's happening deeper down.
And that stuff, if you really look into it,
is probably happening in a lot of areas of your life.
Things that are happening with our kids, we're learning,
we're gonna have to learn in the business too, right?
Things that happen in between our marriage,
we'll learn it there and then boom,
it'll break through in the business.
And it's so easy to compartmentalize things and say,
this is separate from this, but it's not.
It's not.
And this is why we wanna love you and serve you
in this area.
So with that, I'm gonna bring on Danielle.
You guys know Danielle.
And then we're gonna bring on Stacey right after that.
So get ready, you guys.
A warm round of applause.
It's gonna be a good time today.
Danielle, come on up.
Woo!
We all just clap.
I know we are a remote room,
but that doesn't mean that we can't bring the energy up
and we can't clap and get excited.
You guys, how real was what Steven just said?
Like, I love Steven's heart for just vulnerability,
just like jumping into the heart,
because time is precious and we gotta get to the heart.
We gotta get going.
And how many times have you heard Steven and Chelsea say,
if you have a successful business,
but your marriage is falling apart,
is that true success, right?
How many times have you taken a moment to look at yourself
and be like, okay, what areas of my life need some shifting?
My camera needs some shifting because I'm going in and out.
You guys are overloading the zoom and we love this, but I'm
Danielle Shaw. I work as a training specialist here. I do
behind the scenes work. I do some coaching some speaking, and
I love to host Mindset Monday. And so like Stephen said, Stacy
is an incredible woman. So I want you to get ready. Okay, I
want you to position yourself right now from a place of
receiving for your mind for your heart. Okay, because we don't
want you to miss the gold that is here for you today. And we
know this that those who show up that that's part of it. Now
when you show up how interactive Are you going to be right that
that's all that's part two. And then part three is how am I
going to let this sink into my heart and my mind and take
action. And so this is Stacy's first time in our community. So
I want her to just walk away from this call being like that
was the best online remote community place I have ever been
a part of. And I already have full confidence that that's
going to be the truth. So I have high just hope and excitement
for what is in store for you guys today. And I'm really quick
we don't have any other coaching calls this week. So just be
reminded, push into the other resources we have here and we
will see you all next Monday. But without further ado, can we
just like blow this chat up with so much love for Stacey
Martino.
Everybody. Awesome. I'm so excited to be here with you.
How's everybody doing today? Go ahead and post in the chat.
Super excited to join you. Yeah, I love it. I love it. I'm seeing
it. I'm for it. Awesome. Awesome. I love it. Great to see
everybody. And of course, thank you, Stephen. Thank you,
Danielle. Hopefully you guys can see my screen at the same time
that you're seeing me because I have a lot for this class today.
Everybody see my screen? Give me a thumbs up or a yes. All good.
Fantastic. Thanks for that, Mildred. I appreciate it. All
right. So we're gonna dive in today and I brought a lot. If
you learn something about me today, hopefully you'll learn
that I try to stuff as much into a class as I possibly can. I'm
like a teacher and a mentor at heart and I just want to make
sure that I deliver and share as much as I can with you all
today. So open a journal, get a pen, be ready to take some notes
and be ready to dive in because what I came to talk to you about
today is really about how to get the peace, harmony, support
and connection you want and deserve in your marriage, in
your parenting, in your business, without needing anyone
else's permission and participation. And I know that
sounds like a lofty promise, but it's not just possible. It's
actually already done. And like Stephen and Danielle, we're just
saying, why are we talking about this on Mindset Monday? Because
if we want to grow our business, but there's some kerfuffles with
our partner not being supportive or doesn't get it,
like then that's miserable for us. And now we're in
stagnation. If we're doing this to create a better life for our
kids, but they're still yelling and nagging and policing and
silences, are we really giving them the life we dreamed of for
them and for us? Like, I'm here to do this class for you today
because I already know you have the best of intentions for being
the best you can in business, in your marriage, with your
kids, with your folks, with your friends. There's no question
about it because you're part of this group. Obviously, you have
the best of intentions. Obviously, your heart is all in.
And there's been a big piece missing in what you knew about
this relationship stuff. And it's not your fault. And I'm
here to give you the piece that you've been missing. I'm here to
empower you in your life so that you can be empowered in
your business. Sound good, everybody? Up for it? Here for
it? In? Yes, yes, yes. I love it. Okay, fantastic. Oh,
there's like new chat messages and I wasn't seeing them. Now I
see it. Fantastic. Awesome. So like, just so you like give you
some reassurance who I am, why you might be interested in what
I'm going to share today. I am Stacy Martino.
founder of relationshipdevelopment.org. My husband Paul and I have invented the
relationship development methodology. We've been doing this for over 14 years. We have helped
thousands and thousands, hundreds of thousands of people to transform marriages, parenting,
workplace, families, all by working with one individual student. We have been blessed to be
featured by so many people and on media outlets. We were on Roku TV, Apple TV, ABC, NBC, CBS,
and now our new book, The Missing Piece, is available everywhere from Hay House Publishing.
Paul and I are known as the how people. Our solutions show people how to get the results
that they want in any relationship. Not just that you should be able to get the results,
but how to do that. While many studies today show that the average divorce rate in the U.S. is about
50% for first marriages, higher for second and beyond, in a six-year study of our student
results, the students in our relationship program had just a 1% divorce rate. And that is unheard of,
and that's because our methodology works. Now we're finally sharing our norm-shattering method
with the whole world, with our book, The Missing Piece, and don't order it while I'm teaching today.
I mean, you can, but if you stay to the end of class today, I will give you a special link so
that you can get our book for free, and we will send you the book, literally the book,
right to your door, okay? So that we'll be focused for class. All good? Cool? Yes, this is, we're a
mission-driven organization. This is what we do. We want you to have these solutions, so we're just
going to give it to you. All right, let's dive in. So you are so welcome, and thank you for being here,
because we cannot achieve our mission of making sure that every parent in the world gets these
solutions into their hands unless you show up. So God bless you for showing up today. I love it.
All right, so what if you could be free of the stress, anxiety, upsets, and loneliness when
interacting with other people at home, at work, anywhere, right? So maybe do you want to feel more
supported in those areas? Maybe you want more connection and less loneliness. Do you want the
confidence to handle any conversation with someone without it erupting into a fight or a conflict?
Maybe you want to magnetize people to you in life and in business, or perhaps you want less
kerfuffle and more peaceful cooperation. Imagine the advantage you would have as the best
communicator in any room. Maybe it would be helpful to have more positive influence at home and at
work, and if you're like me and so many others, maybe you want less drama and more cooperation
from your team or co-workers. Those results are not just possible, they're proven. Our students enjoy
those results daily in marriage, in parenting, at work, and here's what I want to share with you.
So many of us spend our time and our investment on building our business, getting better at our craft,
but at the end of the day, most of us do what we do to make a better life for our kids,
to have the life that we dreamed of for our family, to experience it fully. Well, when your
relationship causes stress, when the relationships all around you are causing stress, everything is
impacted, right? Like I'm sure many of you here have had the experience of having a kerfuffle or an
upset with your spouse or one of your kids, and then you're worried about how that's going to
affect you as you head into work or get on that next call, or worry about what your kids
are overhearing, or if the yelling between you and your kid is impacting them the next day.
Our interactions with other people impact every aspect of our lives and theirs. Well,
I'll tell you that it's not your fault. It's not really about the other person either, and what
I'm going to show you today is something that you haven't seen before, but you deserve to know. So,
let's start with an exercise. Everybody have your journal and a pen? Awesome, and you could probably
do this one in your head if you needed to. All right, in the last three days, can you think of
a kerfuffle, an upset, a stress, or a worry that you had with another person? Like maybe telling
your kid to do something again and it not getting done, or maybe something with your spouse, an
argument, an unsupportive comment, or silence, or maybe a situation with a co-worker, or a team
member, or a family member that you can't have a peaceful conversation with anything. Can you think
of one? Just go ahead and put. Yes, this is usually the response that I get. People are like,
how many just from today? I get it. Interacting with other humans can be tricky. All right,
but do you have one in your mind? Yes, fantastic.
Awesome, so good, great, you guys are doing great already.
All right, for that kerfuffle,
Doc, I want you to write this down in your journal.
What did they say or do that was unwanted for you?
Right, meaning what was the thing that
if they had not said it or not done,
it would have been so much better, right?
What was that unwanted or negative experience that you had?
What was it that they said
that made you feel upset or angry?
Just write that down, like in a few words.
What was the unwanted part?
Okay, now for the same situation,
what would you have preferred?
Like, what would you have preferred that they did
or said in that instance and said?
Like, if they had just done or said this,
gosh, it would have been so much easier, so much better,
more of what you needed, how it should be done, right?
Perhaps the unwanted was don't talk back like that
and the preferred was just get it done and cooperate, right?
So what was the preferred for that situation for you?
Did you write that down?
Everybody good?
Awesome, excellent.
Okay, well, what you've just done
is actually an important step forward.
You've captured the unwanted
and you've clarified the preferred.
Make sense so far, everybody tracking with me?
So I'm guessing that if I asked you to sit down
and list out the unwanted and preferred combinations
for everyday things with your spouse, kids, coworkers,
family members, clients, whatever,
you could probably create a list, yes?
This is something that you know, yes?
Okay, fantastic.
And I'm guessing that you've tried.
You've tried to get people to do what needs to be done,
to say or do things in a better way, right?
You've tried to get them to do more preferred
and less unwanted, right?
You've tried asking, encouraging, making little jokes,
hoping they would take the hint.
You've tried pleasing, compromising and all the things.
Yes, you have tried things.
And when that didn't work, you've tried other ways.
Like when you need your kid to behave in the store
and you promise them something they want
when you leave if they just behave now, right?
But that stuff doesn't always work
or eventually it stops working as they tune out.
And it's the same with the spouse, the coworkers
and other people too.
Now, unfortunately, that often leaves someone feeling
bad about themselves or feeling like they're failing
maybe as a mom, as a wife, as a human,
or just feeling sad, stuck, frustrated,
alone, unsupported, most of all exhausted.
And I'm here to tell you, it's not your fault.
You are not at fault and there's nothing wrong with you.
Listen to me, for thousands of years,
humans have interacted with each other
in a one specific way that has actually left us
with this result.
And this old way of human interaction
does not work in today's world.
So unlike what everyone else out there is telling you,
I'm here to show you that there's nothing wrong with you.
There's nothing wrong with them.
And there's nothing uniquely wrong
with the two of you together.
Now, I know you might be thinking,
oh, Stacey, but you don't know what I'm dealing with.
So Paul and I have actually worked with thousands
and thousands of students from all over the world.
For over 14 years, we have navigated pretty much
every situation you can probably imagine
and many that you could never, ever, ever imagine.
And in all that time, we have never been stumped.
No one has ever brought us a relationship dynamic
or issue or challenge that our method
and the tools that we've built could not solve.
And so I'm telling you, you are not the problem.
They are not the problem.
And the two of you together are not the problem.
There's been a huge piece missing
in what we knew about human relationships,
hence the title of our book.
And I'm gonna show you the dynamic
of how human interaction does work
and the solution to get results.
So let's jump in.
How many of you guys know this guy?
Anyone?
Anyone know who this is?
Go ahead and post it in the chat.
I know some of you are dog lovers out there.
And you know, yes, the dog whisperer, Cesar Millan.
I love Cesar.
When I was in my 20s, I had purchased my first house.
By the way, that is my husband 30 plus years ago.
Look at all that hair.
God bless him.
I love him.
And that was our tiny little puppy.
There she is in Paul's lap.
That was my dream was to.
by my own home. I was in my 20s. I was a young girl. I'm in my 50s now. That was a long time
ago. You can tell it's the 90s. Look at all the CDs behind Paul and look at the size of the phone
on his belt. And that was our little girl. In fact, she was almost as big as that phone when
we first brought her home. And I love this puppy with all my heart. And for any of you who have had
a puppy like that, within what felt like a few weeks, this little puppy looked like this.
And she was dragging me all around the neighborhood. That's when I started watching
Caesar nonstop. And long story short, I learned that my dog wasn't the one who needed the training.
Right? I did. I was a very, as you can kind of see, I'm a little bit excitable. I'm a little
bit hyper. I'm a high energy lady. And I was getting very excited and putting all of that
energy into getting out there for a walk with my dog. And when I brought that hyper energy,
she reacted with that hyper energy. And what I learned from Caesar, right, is that I had to change
my energy to what he calls my calm and confident energy. And then she shifted into a calm and
responsive dog. And that is a great example of what I'm going to teach you is the closed loop
of relationship. Right? When I put my hyper and excited energy into the loop,
the boomerang back was a wild and crazy dog pulling me all over the neighborhood.
When I change what I put into the loop, when I put my calm, confident energy into the loop,
the boomerang back was a calm and responsive dog. It's a predictable pattern with a predictable
outcome. It's going to be the same pattern tomorrow and the next day. And that is because
all relationship is a closed loop. When you interact with an, and this works for humans too,
Caesar is onto it for dogs, but this works for humans. When you interact with another human,
one person puts something into the loop. We refer to that as a trigger.
And the other person sends a boomerang back out of the loop. These are predictable patterns with
predictable outcomes. For example, if you're talking to someone and they roll their eyes at
you, you have a reaction. Yes. No one has to tell you to have that reaction. You don't have to think
it through. You have a reaction. Whereas if you're talking to someone and they nod and they smile at
you, you have a reaction. Yes. Let me ask you this. Is it the same reaction you have as the eye
roll? Yes or no? Yes or no? No. Right. And that's a predictable pattern with a predictable outcome.
So what you've just experienced is that when you change what you put into the loop,
you change what comes out. Yes. Everybody tracking with me? Okay. I'll give you an example.
Have you been in this situation where someone asks you to do something for them that you don't
really want to do, but you end up saying yes anyway, because maybe it'll just be easier.
You feel like it's the right thing to do. You just want to get them to shut up and stop asking you
like whatever it is you say. Yes. Even though you didn't really want to do it. Everyone has been
in this situation. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. So you agreed to do something you don't really want to do.
You bend over backwards and I'm guessing you have been in this awful experience of
they're not happy anyway. You just did it to make them happy and they're not happy anyway.
Right. Maybe it's one of your folks or it's someone that you're friends with, or if some,
it could be your spouse, could be one of your kids. You only said yes to avoid a kerfuffle
and in the end it was still a fight or they were unhappy anyway. And you have had this experience
because you have been on planet earth for a little while. And in that moment, what did you feel?
You felt some flavor of resentment, right? Because by definition, you said yes to something you
didn't really want to say yes to just to make them happy. They still weren't happy. And that's
kind of the definition of resentment, right? Some flavor of resentment. Yes. Fantastic.
Awesome. Not appreciated. All of that. Fantastic. Awesome. And that is because this is a closed loop.
When you put pleasing into the loop, resentment is the boomerang that comes back to you.
It's a predictable pattern with a predictable outcome. It's just that for most humans,
the loop has been invisible up until now. So here's what I want.
to get. When the loop remains invisible, you just keep putting pleasing into the loop with people
thinking, oh, this is going to make it so much better. I'm going to do this today. This is going
to be better. They're going to be so happy. And then you're blindsided that it didn't work out
and you end up feeling crappy, right? That's because the loop was invisible. So you keep
putting pleasing into the loop and getting some kind of unpleasant outcome. As long as the loop
remains invisible, you are going to keep getting unpleasantly surprised by these boomerangs.
Once you see the loop, you can make a choice. So back when I was young and I first got our dog
Putty, these loops were all invisible to me. So it just looked like she was being a wild
and crazy dog. No matter how much I yelled, I bribed her with treats, she was wild. Because
when the loop is invisible to you, all you experience is the boomerang. When you can't
see the loop, it looks like their actions just came out of nowhere. She just rolled her eyes
at me. He was a total jerk for no reason. These loops have been invisible to you and most everyone
else. But if you rewind the tape, I can show you where you unknowingly poked the bear. I can give
you the predictable pattern loop so that you know the trigger boomerang combination before
you head into the situation. Why is this so powerful? Well, let me ask you this. If I gave
you these two loops where trigger A creates an unwanted boomerang A and trigger B creates the
wanted boomerang B, which trigger are you going to put into the loop? A or B? Go ahead and post
in the chat. Tell me. Yes, fantastic. B, right? When you finally get visibility into these loops,
you have the power to pre-select the reaction you want by putting the coordinating trigger
into the loop. And you have the power to stop the boomerangs you do not want
by not putting those triggers unknowingly into the loop. Here's the principle. All human
relationships are a closed loop. And when you change what you put in, you change what you get out.
Here's another principle for you. People are not acting towards you. They are re-acting to you.
This is why Paul and I always say there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with them.
There's nothing wrong with the two of you together. I know you're showing up with the best of
intentions. You're saying or doing what you think is the right thing to do. I know you are.
And there's been a huge piece missing in what we knew about human interactions.
So, how did I figure this out? And what has been the missing piece I'm going to show you now?
I made a huge accidental discovery over 25 years ago. At first, I was just working with
dozens of students. Then it became hundreds of students. Then thousands and thousands of students.
And I began to see the patterns over and over and over again. We have been handed an old and
broken relationship dynamic from old generations. And in today's world, this old dynamic is breaking
down relationships, ending marriages, breaking rapport, and increasing kerfuffles. First,
let me explain the old broken relationship paradigm that you see everywhere. Paul and I
call this demand relationship. Demand relationship is what we default to when we don't have visibility
of the loops. Demand relationship is where you say to your partner, I'm not really happy with
this. You need to change that. Or I don't like that tone. Don't use that tone with me. Demand
relationship is when you tell other people what they need to do or change to make you happy.
Demand relationship is also when we do things we do not want to do just to make someone else happy
or avoid something unpleasant. So the demand relationship paradigm is where you use tactics
like pleasing, compromise, blame, punishing, withholding, guilt, shame, nagging, pushing,
manipulation to try to get others to do what we need done or change what they do or say so that
we can be happy, comfortable, calm even. Look at the demand relationship tactics on the red side of our chart.
answer this for yourself. Do those tactics lead to a supportive, loving, and
happy outcome for you and the other person? Think about it this way. Do you
love it when people use those tactics on you? Do you love them more for blaming
you, shaming you, judging you, dominating you? No! And yet even with the best of
intentions, we don't even realize we are using these tactics in our human-to-human
relationships because demand relationship is all that's been modeled
to most of us for our entire lives. Now there's another way to do
relationships, thank goodness. Paul and I created Relationship Development to
empower our students to interact with others in a way that builds up
relationships in today's world. Relationship Development allows you to
be genuinely happy yourself and have the skill sets to be happy with the other
people you're in relationship with so that you can relate in a way that builds
up your relationships instead of breaking them down. So let's look at the
Relationship Development side of our chart. On our chart, you can see the
Relationship Development alternative to each of the demand relationship tactics.
Now look at some of the skill sets on the Relationship Development side of
that chart. When people interact with you with compassion, heartfelt understanding,
appreciation, does that build up your relationship with them or break it down?
It builds it up, right? When someone takes personal responsibility, builds rapport
with you, focuses on unity, does that build up your relationship with them or
break it down? It builds it up. Here's the principle. Successful relationship is
a skill set and it can be learned. It has nothing to do with being lucky and
finding the right person. It's not about picking a person who has the perfect
personality for you or the right personality or worrying that maybe this
person you're with is just too different. It's not about you or the other person.
Relationship is a skill set. In my experience, most people want to show up
from Relationship Development in their relationships. They want to have the
skills to show up with heartfelt understanding, building rapport, creating
influence, having compassion for others and working towards unity in our family
and our workplace. Most people want to inspire people to be their best selves
and they have the positive intention of showing up this way. But when they run to
the end of their skill set for how to show up in this way in real-life moments,
they slide back into old demand relationship tactics that have been
handed down to us. The problem with the old way is this is not love. Those
tactics on the red side of the chart do not lead to a loving, connected, supported,
trusting, thriving relationship. And yet, how many times are we showing up in our
relationships that are supposed to be about love from the red side of that
chart? That is why Paul and I always say you are either building up or breaking
down your relationships in the little moments of your day, depending on which
side of the chart you are showing up on. Here's the closed loop. When you put
demand relationship into the loop, the boomerang back is it breaks down the
relationship. When you put relationship development into the loop, the boomerang
back is it builds up the relationships. How relationships break down is not an
accident or a mystery anymore. And how to transform them and build them up is no
longer outside of your reach. This is your empowerment. You can change what
you're putting into the loop and change the boomerang that comes back to you. The
world is not the same as it was a hundred years ago, even 50 years ago. When
I was a kid, let's just say, kids weren't treated all that great and nobody really
thought there was anything wrong with that. Thank God we have evolved so much.
Today we love our kids so much we would sacrifice anything for them and we do.
And we desperately want to have strong relationships with each of them so that
come to us and talk about the big things and not so big things that are going on
in their real lives. Today we only want to stay in relationships where we're
loved, supported, respected, and valued. And yet we are unknowingly using old and
broken
tactics from a long time ago that's frankly long gone. Unlike long ago, in today's relationships,
both people are free and equal. And people who feel free and equal do not stay in relationships
where demand relationship is what's going on. They don't stay in jobs where people use those tactics.
They don't stay in marriages where people use those tactics. And it's the same in parenting.
If all that's been done as your child grows up is demand parenting, then as soon as that child
is bigger than you, financially independent from you, or no longer needs to live in your house,
they're out of there. You probably know that because that might be part of what your trajectory
was. And when they leave, you don't have a relationship with them. You just have a loss of
control. You're not the problem. They were not the problem. The two of you together was not the
problem. It's demand relationship going into the loop that has been breaking relationships down
and causing unwanted kerfuffles. The most important thing you can ever learn to change
your experience of life and all of your interactions with other people
is when you put demand relationship into the loop, it breaks down the relationship.
When you put relationship development into the loop, it builds up the relationship and you get
to choose. When it comes to your parenting, your marriage, your work relationships, and other
important relationships, which one do you want? So there's great news in this because we figured
out the solution and we spent the last 14 years building our relationship development method and
hundreds and hundreds of tools for using these skills in real life. They've been used and proven
now by thousands of our students already. Because as I showed you, relationship is a skill set
and it can be learned. And the mind bender is it only takes one person to get the results you want
from any interaction. Now the question Paul and I get asked all the time is how can it possibly only
take one person to transform a relationship? We've heard from everybody it takes two to tango,
you both have to want it, you got to meet me halfway. For decades we've been hearing this crap
that it has to take two people. As difficult as it might be to accept that it only takes one person
to transform any relationship, which is all Paul and I do for 14 years, everything we teach is only
for one person. But as difficult as that might be to accept, the truth is you actually already know
that it only takes one person to change things. Think about it, if you wanted to change your kids
behavior, if you wanted your kids behavior to get better and improve and you picked up a parenting
book to learn something new, you don't sit your three-year-old down and say, listen you better
read this book because your behavior stinks kiddo, right? No, you read the book and it tells you, hey
next time try this when interacting with your child, you do it, your kids behavior changes and you go
back to the book, right? Tell me more. It's actually the same dynamic in marriage, relationship with
co-workers, family members, clients and others, it's just that no one gave you the book of answers
until now. That's why we always say you do not need anyone else's permission or participation,
everything in our method is designed for you, you don't need to convince anyone else to do
this with you to get the results that you want. Remember when I told you that it wasn't you
or them or the two of you together, this is what I'm talking about. The reason relationships are
failing at epic rates is because without the skill set of relationship development,
we are unknowingly perpetuating the old broken tactics of demand relationship
in the little moments of our day, breaking down our relationships as the resentments, pains
and distance stack up over the years until one person gives up. But there is a solution, we have
cracked the code on human relationships, giving you the how for how to be happy yourself, yes,
and also be able to be happy with others that you're in relationship with so you can have peace,
harmony, support, connection, influence, trust, cooperation and love without the drama, the upset.
That's the loneliness, the nagging, the begging,
the pleasing, the compromise,
and without needing anyone else's permission
or participation.
So it's four core things,
and I'm gonna give you these four core things
and show you how you can do this.
The first is to get visibility
into the predictable pattern loops
so you know the trigger and boomerang combinations.
Remember I showed you a couple of those today.
There are hundreds of these that we've mapped out
and you need to have visibility into them.
The second piece is the skillsets
to stop sliding into demand relationship
and be able to do relationship development
instead in real life, living it in real life.
The third is the bridges to solve
the masculine and feminine,
the kerfuffles that masculine, feminine
wiring differences create.
Now, we didn't get to this in this class.
We can do it in another,
but masculine and feminine beings
are wired completely differently.
And actually in the experience that Paul and I have had
over 14 years working with countless people,
about half of all kerfuffles that every couple is having
are actually caused by masculine, feminine
wiring differences that we were just never taught.
About half.
And that applies to mothers and sons,
fathers and daughters, family members, coworkers.
Everyone is experiencing unnecessary upsets
from the masculine, feminine wiring differences.
And the fourth piece is the skills to solve
the what Paul and I call the bricks
that have built up in the wall between you.
When you're in a long-term relationship,
it's different than a short-term relationship.
In a long-term relationship,
when you have unsolved hurts, disappointments and upsets,
it's like putting a brick in the wall between you.
And those bricks build up over time
until you feel like you can't see or feel
the person on the other side.
And when you don't have the skills to take that down,
that's often when people give up.
When you have the solutions, that's what we do,
to not only solve and take down those bricks,
but prevent new ones from going in,
that's when you have so much power.
These four things, the loops, the skill sets,
the bridges and the solutions for the bricks.
When you have those four things,
you have so much power to create the experience
you want in life.
In any human interaction, whatever situation you enter,
you'll have the skills to get the outcome you want.
And so, of course, we've been helping students do this
for so many years, and now it's your turn.
You can learn the skill set and get the results you want.
And I'm gonna show you how in just two steps, okay?
Two steps, here we go.
Step one is to read our book, The Missing Piece.
We stuffed so much into over 300 pages in this book.
And you can buy our book anywhere,
but I'd love to give it to you for free.
You can visit, the link is on the slide there,
missingpiecebook.com slash rainmaker.
But before you do, I'm gonna show you the second step
and a couple of other awesome things that we have for you.
And they can throw that link in the chat as well.
But when we send you there,
we've already bought the books from Hay House.
Yes, we do have to buy books from our publisher.
And we bought books for everybody who's on this class today.
So everybody who wants to get a free book can.
All we ask is that you cover the shipping costs
and we'll ship it right to your door.
Because at Relationship Development,
it is our mission to get the solutions that we have
into the hands of every human who wants this.
You deserve these answers,
and you have the opportunity in front of you
to break the chains of demand relationship
for your family's legacy.
Our book, The Missing Piece,
is actually the only book in the history of books
to promise a one-person relationship method.
Best-selling author Annie Gray said,
I'm buying this book for everyone I know, not joking.
This is for family, spouse, work, clients,
team members, kids, and all relationships.
It's about human to human interactions, right?
At a time when you can't go 10 minutes
without seeing someone getting triggered
or a disagreement causing division,
The Missing Piece provides needed solutions
to empower the reader to navigate
real life situations harmoniously,
regardless of what they're currently facing.
Actually, Stephen and I met
in Russell Brunson's Mastermind.
Russell Brunson, New York Times best-selling author said,
my marriage and my relationships were good,
but I had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars
on personal development,
searching for a way to make them great.
It wasn't until I found Stacey and Paul
that I discovered this missing piece
that changed my marriage, my relationship with my kids,
and the people I work with.
with every day.
I'll be forever grateful that I invested my time
to learn their unique methodology on relationship success.
And now it's our honor and joy to gift you our book
at missingpeacebook.com slash Rainmaker.
I will say this,
if you have gotten any value from today's class,
just please get a copy of our book.
We packed that book full of eye-opening solutions
that you have not seen anywhere else.
So whatever you do, get the book by using the link today.
Now, as I said, it's a two-step solution.
So here's the deal.
Step one, get the book.
Step two, come to our event.
The book opens your eyes.
It gives you visibility into the pieces
that have been missing all this time.
And our event is how you live this in your life each day.
Our Relationship Breakthrough Retreat
is a three-day live stream online event,
and it is the fastest way to do this.
If you feel like you need to be able to apply this
in your life right away, like yesterday,
then RBR is built to give you that.
An immersion event is really the only way to do that,
immersing yourself in the experience of it.
In our event, you get to see Paul and I demonstrate
and role-play it.
We give you the step-by-step solutions.
All of our students that are living in the results
that they have today, have done this work with us,
started and came to RBR first.
So read the book, come to RBR, this is how we do it,
how we get results for thousands of students
who have come to RBR over the years.
It's a life-changing event.
It's three days and your life will never be the same again.
You can get the skills so you can apply this
in your situation, whatever it is that you're facing
in any relationship.
So Paul and I have actually delivered over 90
multi-day events in the last 14 years serving our students.
We've been doing RBR since 2014, so over 10 years.
It really has been perfected over the years,
minute by minute, to give you exactly what you need.
Paul and I are the only two speakers at our events.
We don't have speakers.
And this is a results event.
Every single minute, the topic changes hour to hour
so that you're getting everything that you need
for any situation.
It's designed to give you a breakthrough every hour.
And now we host our RBR event online.
So no travel, no overnight stays, no hassle.
You can intend the entire three days
from the comfort of your laptop.
And here's the deal.
Remember the four pieces that you need, right?
Day one is the loops and the chart.
Day two is an entire day of masculine and feminine bridges.
And day three are the solutions
to solve the bricks in the wall.
Like that's what we do at RBR.
Step one is to read the book, which we're gifting to you.
And step two is to get to our
Relationship Breakthrough Retreat event.
And I have a massively special deal for that for you today
because you came to this class.
So yes, it's three days.
And I know, who has three days?
Nobody, but hear me out.
Three days of your time invested in this
for 362 days that are very different afterwards.
Instead of being drained because all your time and energy
goes into upsets and fighting and frustration
with your kids, the business, your spouse and more,
you're taking three days to put a little bit of time
in the solution to turn the other 362 days
into time spent in peace, harmony, connection and support.
Right, our Relationship Breakthrough Retreat event
is a high energy, fun, fascinating immersion experience.
You'll be live in the Zoom room like this, right?
All the students will be live in the chat
and with their cameras on enjoying the event together.
And this student posted a picture.
She said it was only day two of the event
and the purple tabs are the tools
that we have been given this far.
The student posted when she got her journal,
she thought this is a huge blank journal.
After day one of taking notes, she thought at this rate,
I'm gonna run out of space, right?
Everyone needs to read The Missing Piece.
That's why we wrote it.
That's where everyone needs to start.
And our Relationship Breakthrough Retreat event
is the fastest way to apply this in your life
and see results.
What's inside the book is different
than what we teach in the three days at RBR.
They are made to go together.
There's no overlap.
So what's inside the book is different
than what's at RBR.
What's at RBR is different than what's in the book.
It's not a repeat.
So I know it's packed with value.
Thousands of people have come to this event
and tickets to Relationship Breakthrough Retreat
are typically $997.
In fact, you can go to relationshipbreakthroughretreat.com
on your phone right now and see the tickets are open
and they're $997 each.
But for everyone who's in this class,
we created something kind of crazy
and I will say we have never done this before.
But you can get a ticket to our entire three-day event for just $2.97.
That's not for one day.
That's for all three days, $700 off.
So we're going to send you the book for free and give you $700 off of your ticket to Relationship
Breakthrough retreat.
I don't know how much more we can do to try to do everything we can to help your family,
but when you go to missingpiecebook.com get your book, and then I'm going to show you
what's on that page and how you can get your $700 off ticket, which is a little cray-cray.
So when you go to get your free book, you're going to see this page.
You'll fill it out to get your book.
Now after you pay the shipping fee, which is I think $9.95 for US and $19.95 for international
orders, there are some huge discount items that you can put in your shopping cart if
you want to.
But first step is to get the book for sure.
On that page, you can actually check a box to get our Masculine and Feminine Masterclass,
which is so crazy for $11.
We used to do this class for $1,000, but it's $11 if you want to add it to your course.
It's different differences.
These are bridges, bridges for Masculine and Feminine differences.
These are different than the one we teach at RBR on day two.
So Paul and I actually teach dozens and dozens of these, and we can't fit them all into day
two.
So we used to teach like four or five differences that we don't teach anymore at RBR because
we just don't have time.
It's like an eight to 10 hour day at RBR, but we still don't have time for this.
So we took the recordings of the ones we used to teach that we don't teach anymore at RBR.
We put them into this masterclass.
It used to be part of a course that sold for $1,000, but we've decided to give it to
all book readers for just $11.
And what's cool is, so there's no repeats for you between what's in the book and RBR,
but you can get instant access today.
So like you have to wait a little while for us to ship the book to your door, or you're
going to maybe wait a little while for RBR dates, but you can actually start getting
that Masculine and Feminine classes instant access.
You don't have to get it, but if you feel like adding it to your cart, you're absolutely
welcome to do that.
The next page is our bundle.
These are two topics that did not fit into the book and we no longer teach them at RBR.
So we kind of orchestrated this so that it makes sense for our students.
If it speaks to you and it's something you feel like you really want and need right now,
you can get them for just 97 bucks.
The first is for forgiveness.
It is so not what everybody else tells you, which is complete, by the way, if you only
learn one thing from me today, somebody telling you to just forgive when you don't feel forgiveness
inside of you is complete and total garbage.
They just don't know what they're talking about.
Forgiveness is actually an experience.
You either feel forgiveness or you feel unforgiveness and you can't just change your mind about
that.
You feel it.
There's a process, however, that you can go through to shift unforgiveness into true release.
That's what's needed.
And actually, Paul and I created our own five-step forgiveness process.
Tens of thousands of people have successfully been through it.
It could fit in the book because I was already pushing it at over 300 pages with Hay House
and they were like, 200 pages.
So we stuffed this into this course.
And the other is our brick conversation framework for a step-by-step fill in the blanks for
having conflict-free conversations.
So if you have some conversations you need to have with someone and you don't want it
to turn into a fight, you can throw that in your cart.
You totally don't have to.
It's really up to you.
And if you want to kind of throw it in there, but then after that course, and you can say
no on that page if you don't want it, fine by me.
It's also instant access.
The next page is the ticket.
So you get the book, you get the ticket.
If you get the other stuff, it's like while you're shopping, that's awesome.
But this event is just for you, by the way.
No partner.
Your partner doesn't need to come.
You don't need anyone else's permission to do this.
You are actually not even doing this for your relationship.
I know that sounds crazy, but this skill set is yours.
When you learn this skill set, so many people are like, I don't know if I want to do that
for my relationship.
Don't do it for your relationship.
It's for you, whether it's for this person or the next person or other people right and
left in your life.
You either have the skill set or you don't have the skill set to be able to interact
this way.
And even if you're transitioning your family to a wonderful co-parenting family by design,
not married, and it's fine, like we're not anti-divorce, do whatever you want to do.
But having the skill sets to interact harmoniously, there's no option not to do that, right?
So please get your ticket if it speaks to you when you're going through it.
Everyone here can get a free copy of our book.
Whether or not you grab a ticket with this deal, which is a huge deal, please get a free
copy of our book.
We're so happy to ship it right to your door.
We deeply hope that you grab this opportunity.
come to our Relationship Breakthrough Retreat
live stream event online.
When you go to that page and you get your ticket,
there's actually three different dates.
Like we do the event,
we're doing it three times in the next 90 days.
So you can pick your dates after you get your ticket.
And if for some reason those dates don't work for you,
like we'll work it out with you.
Like we'll make sure you get into the next one or whatever.
You just reach out to us and we'll make it right.
But I really hope that what you get from today,
and I know I kind of went really fast
because I had a lot that I wanted to teach you
and even more than I would love to teach you.
But please know wherever you go from here,
relationship is a skillset and it can be learned.
It only takes one person to learn the skillset
and create the change in any relationship.
Relationship development is that skillset.
No one should be blindsided by upsets,
drama, hurts, and conflicts.
Again, not you, not your kids.
When you start interacting with your kids
using this relationship development skillset,
they will actually learn these skills
just by interacting with you
the same way they're learning
demand relationship tactics right now,
the same way we did.
You have this chance to break the chains
of demand relationship for their legacy
and change their future so they don't actually
need to find me when they're 40
to unload and unravel all of their crap.
So this is your opportunity to handle
whatever comes at you, whatever life throws at you,
whatever relationships you're in
that are causing you stress or worry or upset.
Get your free copy of the book
at missingpeacebook.com slash rainmaker.
And of course you can always connect with Paul and I
at relationshipdevelopment.org.
I really hope that you've got something,
learned something, got something of value
from this class today and I'm totally psyched
that I got a chance to be here with you today too.
Yeah.
Oh no, it's working.
Are you serious right now?
Like, that was so powerful.
How are you guys feeling right now?
Like the amount of, okay, literally,
isn't it so powerful when somebody says,
yeah, I had to keep my book at 300 pages.
Like, I know that hits some of you
because I'm like, man, I barely got 10 pages of right.
And Stacey's over here like, man,
how do I like fit all this in?
Literally that is an abundance.
That is an abundance of knowledge, abundance of resources.
And so first of all, I just want to say,
thank you so much, Stacey.
In the chat, it's just blown up.
It's like, thank you for your passion,
your vision, your content.
So inspiring.
This is so what I needed today.
Yeah, exactly, Kate.
Kate said, April abundance overflows to May.
And I'm like, yeah, exactly.
So we can have an abundance in relationships.
We can have an abundance of good things in relationships.
And you guys, did you catch this as well?
Stacey said, there is not another book on the market
that is teaching what we are teaching.
That gets my ears up like, wait, what is this?
In the history of books, our publisher looked.
In the history of printed books.
That's why I read Tracy at Hay House.
He's like, no, you have to come to Hay House
because there's never been a book done like this.
And I needed to be a Hay House book.
And I'm like, okay.
Yeah, that's what we do.
This is what we do.
And this was about 1% of the curriculum that we have.
And our relationships are complicated, y'all.
Like there's a lot of crap going on.
We've solved it for 14 years.
So please let us tell you what it is.
We're happy to tell you.
No, so you guys, this is just the beginning
of a new relationship with Stacey.
So hear me out, okay?
Get your little dance on, okay?
She is coming back every quarter for the next year.
So get excited.
This was just a little teaser, a little intro,
a little taste.
And you guys know, if you saw Stacey's heart
on being generous and being a giver,
we're big on that too.
So just keep that in mind.
This is just the beginning.
So get the book.
I'm dropping the link another time.
It's literally free.
You pay shipping.
And then that's where you get all the insider goods
for her next event.
And then, so start following them.
Start getting connected with them
and what they're up to outside of here.
And so keep that in mind.
We are gonna be letting you guys know
when her next events are.
are in our community, but no need to wait for three months.
Get involved with her now, get connected with her now.
Stacey, anything else you wanted to say
before I like open up for a Q&A time, if that's okay?
No, I'm thrilled.
I love to answer questions.
So bring it, whatever questions you wanna ask.
All right, team.
We are gonna do a Q&A section right now.
And I don't want anybody unmuting.
I just want you, if there's any questions
that pertain to what Stacey just talked about,
please drop it in the chat.
And I would love to have those answered for you.
I did catch one earlier on,
and it was about the demand relationship.
They were asking is avoidance could be added to that list.
Yeah, avoidance is demand relationship.
And what a bummer, right?
Because don't we love to avoid
an uncomfortable conversation or a kerfuffly situation.
But if you've been around the block a few times,
I think you already know this pattern.
I'm just gonna frame it out for you in words,
but you already know is that
when we avoid an uncomfortable moment right now
in a long-term relationship, short-term relationship,
you can avoid anything you want.
Maybe you never see him again, who cares?
But in a long-term relationship,
when you're gonna see that person again,
you can avoid that moment, but the underlying,
I don't have the skillsets to navigate that moment
peacefully and successfully still exist.
So in a long-term relationship,
that like we're going three, two, one, and we're back.
Here's the next moment where I still don't have
the skillsets to navigate that peacefully
and harmoniously for us.
Like it just comes right back.
And if you've been around in the world,
you know that things just get hairier and scarier
as you start to grow and age.
And as these relationships build up,
because now we have bricks in the wall
from the original avoidance that our new experiences
are being filtered by and flavored by,
and people, there's more distance
every time we avoid something.
You know, you feel it, right?
That there's a little bit more distance
when we avoid something and we don't talk about it.
But there's also this underlying lack of confidence
in our relationship, how we relate to each other.
I don't really feel like we can get through things together
because we're not.
And believe it or not, that also is bricks in the wall.
That is flavoring and filtering what you next time decide,
maybe I won't tell them that, right?
Have you ever had that thought?
Like, I don't think I'm gonna bring this up.
Like, or your mom's like, what's going on?
And you're like, filtering through,
what can I tell her that won't end up with it?
Sorry, that's me, on the phone, right?
But like, you're thinking about it.
Like, what can I do?
And that is the problem with avoidance.
Avoidance is just a short-term tactic
when we have run to the end of our skillset.
Well, you're not going anywhere.
Where are you going?
So extending the end of our skillset
is not even an optional piece.
We're not gonna run into this situation again.
Of course we are.
So it, like, why should we sit here
running to the end of our skillset
and dealing with the stress and the pain
and the upset of that?
And the other piece is, of course,
that avoidance builds onto that separation
and that distance.
And then we feel the loneliness of that.
How many times have you had a situation with someone
where you're like, I don't think I'm gonna bring that up?
Or they said something and I'm just gonna let that go.
But then the next time you're kind of hesitant,
you're like, I don't even know
if I really wanna go to this thing now
because, I don't know, we're in a weird place.
Like, it builds distance
and then we feel that loss of connection.
So I get it that avoidance is a short-term tactic,
it's like a hack,
but it unfortunately breaks down relationships
in those little moments of the day, right?
So it's about learning the skills.
Y'all, see, okay, power.
Are we going into round two right now?
That was so good because I think a lot of us
can relate with those loneliness feelings
and those avoidant behaviors.
And I just love how you said
it actually brings lack of confidence
when what we really need is confidence and, like, trust,
right, to be able to approach that conversation
because there's gonna be time and time and time again
where you need to.
So, so, so powerful.
Somebody asked, I know you kind of mentioned,
talked about this, but your RBR event,
your three-day virtual event,
what about them?
inviting their spouse to join them for that event?
Yeah, so I get, of course, I get this question a lot.
So I will say this, it really, I recommend not doing it.
And I'll tell you why, but you for sure you can.
It really depends on where you are in your relationship.
If you and your partner are people who like
do mindset crap together and you read things
and they're doing it too
and they're a personal development person too
and they're into growth too and all of that
and you're like, oh my God, I learned all this stuff.
And they're like, that's so cool.
What else did you learn?
Like, then maybe be like, hey, I'm going to this event.
You can go check it out if you want to.
But usually that's not actually how life is.
We usually fall in love with a person
who's exactly opposite of us.
And it creates all kinds of interesting curve bubbles
and we're into stuff that they're not into
and they're into stuff that we're not into.
And that's fine.
Paul and I are polar opposites.
This is my office, by the way.
And it's more color in front of me than it is even behind me.
And Paul's office is black and that's it.
He went black walls and white trim
and he has one owl behind him, an owl,
which is a big metal owl.
That's pretty much Paul in our closet.
It looks the exact same way.
He wears black every day.
Like we're polar opposites.
You don't have to be the same and it's the same thing.
But I will tell you the reason why
I tell people not to invite their partner.
Because typically your catalyst, your driver
for wanting to invite your partner
is already we're slipping
into the demand relationship side of the chart
where we're like, oh, you know,
my husband really needs to hear that.
No, I'm totally going to go.
Like, I get this, Stacy, you don't.
But like, if they could just hear
what you said last piece that you said.
Like it's, we're so like sideways
wanting them to do this for us.
Like you need to go, you need to listen.
And so that is the foundation of demand relationship.
And hey, do not knock yourself for it
because we have been literally conditioned
to do that since the beginning of time, right?
Make mommy happy.
Don't do that in front of daddy.
Everybody in class be quiet.
We have been told to change things
to make other people happy since we came out of the womb.
And so it's very, very typical.
Every fairy tale, what happens at the end?
He shows up and he makes a big grand gesture for fastness.
He makes her so happy.
Like, okay, this is the way it has been our whole lives.
Asking someone else to try to solve our stuff
and make us happy is the way the whole world was created.
And you know what that leaves us with?
It leaves us begging for other people
to get us out of a hole that we put ourselves in
by not empowering ourselves.
And that is a sucky situation we're in,
but we can change it now.
We have the ability and the skills and the empowerment.
We don't need anyone else to come save us.
We can save ourselves.
We just need to learn the how.
So I would say like, just be wary of that slippery slope
because I can see you coming a mile away and so can they.
And so asking someone else to go to an event like this
is kind of like saying,
hey, I'm going to this be better looking event
and I really think you should go.
You really need this.
Like we need this, right?
And it's kind of like, people are like, whoa,
I don't know what you're trying to say there,
but I don't like it.
So I would invite you to come to the event,
empower yourself and start interacting
from relationship development
and let them experience the shift, right?
I've done this for thousands and thousands of students
and I cannot tell you how many students have come to me
and at some point said, you're not going to believe this,
but my husband just said something to me
and it was totally a brick conversation he was saying.
And I'm like, where did you learn that?
And they're like, he didn't learn it.
He's just heard her do it so many fricking times.
He's modeling back to her
how she was talking to him after time, right?
And like my four-year-old, my five-year-old came home
and was like, mom, I think my teacher's a type two, right?
They're just saying what you've been saying.
They're understanding human behavior
the way you've been speaking it.
It's so much better if you go first
and create real results in your relationships
than if someone feels inspired to want to do it,
they'll let you know.
But I would say, show up and create some results first
before asking someone else to change something
that you haven't been willing to do yet yourself.
That's just my perspective.
You want to do it, go right ahead.
The beautiful thing is everything in your life is a choice
and you're living in the results
of every single decision you have ever made.
And there are no exceptions to that.
And I have no problems with any of the decisions
you ever want to make.
I'm just here to preemptively show you
the results of those decisions
and then you can choose what you want.
That is so real.
We talk a lot about that on this call too, right?
About your mindset, about empowering yourself,
about you, like literally your choices
validate the results of your life.
And it's no different than a relationship,
especially a relationship, like you said,
that's long-term, like a marriage,
like a parent and child relationship.
So, woo, so good, so good.
Okay, I've got like a practical,
detailed question around the book.
So, there's a few who've been asking,
can I do the Audible book versus the hard copy
to also get access to the event down the road?
That's a-
So, the first answer is we can only ship you the hard copy.
I can't buy the audio books from Hay House.
Like, I don't own that.
I'm not a self-publisher.
Like, I'm a Hay House author.
They actually, if you've not been in publishing,
let's start at the beginning.
No, I'm just kidding.
They own the audio book.
We recorded it, worked my butt off on it,
just got over pneumonia and recorded it, but they own it.
I can't give it away.
But here's what I'll say.
So, go to Audible and use one of your credits
and get the audio book.
It's fricking amazing.
I love it, listen to it all the time.
And get a free book to go with it
because all of our charts and our loops
and our drawings are in here.
And it's great to have that visual companion.
I know it can be a downer,
but this is a learning experience.
I'm sorry, I know people don't are like,
that's not sexy.
I'm sorry, you gotta learn something.
But all of our charts and our tools
and our drawings are in here.
It's a really good companion.
So, get the free book anyway,
but that is the only way to access that $2.97 ticket.
You cannot get to that $2.97 screen any other way
than after getting your free book.
So, let us send you a free book to go with your audio book
and then you can get your ticket.
And if you close that screen on the ticket,
I love you so much and I'm so sorry.
Like, that's it.
I don't have any other magic technology.
When we say on that screen,
you're only gonna see this on the screen.
I'm telling the truth.
Like, Paul and I do not ever say anything that's not true.
We're not like that.
We won't tell you it's only $2.97 on the screen
and then you go to the event page and it's $2.97 everywhere.
We're not like that.
We've literally never offered it for $2.97
in our 14 years of doing this event.
You can go to relationshipbreakthroughretreat.com
and see that it's $9.97,
but the only way to do it
is to go to missingpiecebook.com slash rainmaker.
We've had people who closed the window
and came back and got a second free book
just to get to the ticket window.
It's worth $9.95 to get $700 off.
Like, that's your call.
That's your choice.
But technically, that's the only way the technology works,
if that makes sense.
Yeah, and then is the offer available past, like, today?
If they can't get it today?
Yes, you can use the slash rainmaker offer.
You can use that for a few days.
So, like, make it happen, get in there and get it,
and it'll be there for you.
If you go to that page and it's still open,
that means we still have books.
So, we ordered a certain amount of books for this class.
And so, if you go there and it's still open,
if the form still lets you process the free book,
then it's still available and you can get one.
Okay, great.
I think that sums up all of the, like,
detailed about your next steps and your event, y'all.
This is incredible.
And so, the next question is relationship-related.
So, anybody who's been in a abusive relationship
I think I'll throw addiction in there as well.
Sure.
What does that look like with the loop?
Yeah, for sure.
So, what you will see in the introduction to this book
is that relationship development is a skills-based method
and it is only a solution for relationship issues.
And so, I will tell you,
as somebody who's been doing this for many, many years,
physical abuse is not a relationship issue.
It's a violence issue and it needs solutions for violence.
Addiction is not a relationship issue.
It's an addiction issue
and it needs a solution for addiction.
By the way, I really recommend Annie Grace,
This Naked Mind.
Her book has changed so many hundreds of thousands,
millions of lives of people
who are navigating issues with addiction.
So, our skillset, there is no skillset on earth
that can stop somebody from hurting you physically.
Please, if anyone is being hurt physically,
get a solution for that violence immediately.
Get yourself to safety.
Please do not tell anyone,
oh, with a little bit of skillset.
Stop it, it's enough already, it's 2025.
Violence is not a marriage issue or a relationship issue,
it's violence, it needs to be stopped.
So there are several things that are not relationship issues
and need other skills to solve.
I will say this though, if you are in a safe place,
but you, like myself and millions of people in the world,
unfortunately, have experienced violence in the past
with relationships, there's some healing
that needs to be done and some very real work
that we need to do in order to be able to feel safe
in a safe relationship, that work we do all the time.
I don't think you can not do it,
it's part of the work with the majority,
the vast majority of people that I work with.
And the other piece is if you have a partner
who is going through addiction issues
or recovery with addiction,
those cause relationship issues, they're very real.
And we do that exceptionally well.
Our skillsets work extremely well for that
because when it comes to not wanting
to unknowingly trigger somebody who's going through recovery
or trying to change their relationship with a substance,
it's really important to understand
how different people are wired.
And the foundation of everything that we do in our method
is actually understanding how people
are wired differently than you.
There's nothing wrong with them,
there's nothing wrong with you,
it's just that people are wired differently.
And when we don't know that we unnecessarily
trigger other people, when it would be
the perfectly right thing to say to you
and anybody who's wired like you,
but for someone else, unfortunately,
the best of intentions don't translate.
So we're kind of like Google Translate
for talking to people who are wired differently than you.
And when it comes to someone
who's navigating addiction or recovering from addiction,
for sure, that is one of the things
that we do really, really well.
And adultery, no, I don't feel that adultery
falls into the addiction category at all.
I do feel that adultery can become a vehicle
for people who keep running to the end of their skillset
for how to navigate what they're feeling any other way.
And it just becomes a vehicle,
kind of like ice cream when you're watching TV
and it becomes a vehicle and before you know it,
you're like, I need to make a change with this.
And I'm not trying to equate adultery to ice cream.
It's a very, very serious thing.
But we of course have solutions for that.
If our methodology couldn't solve adultery and affairs,
it'd be garbage.
Like how could we have possibly survived
when at least 40% of studies are showing right now
of people who will admit it,
admit that they have been outside their marriage.
And that is a symptom of where the relationship is
at a point in time after the buildup of a brick wall.
And I'm not saying, I'm never, ever, ever gonna tell you
like, oh, just forget, again, those stupid platitudes,
just forget, are you kidding me?
Somebody put their parts in someone else's parts.
It's a big deal.
But like, that's just me, I'm sorry.
And by the way, if language really bothers you,
you're gonna hate our event
because that is just who we are.
We use it in passion and in humor.
We never use it in an offensive way,
but it's up to you whether you want to engage with that.
It's never gonna change.
So, but it is a big deal.
In our book, we actually dedicated an entire chapter
on how trust actually works,
not what people have been told for centuries.
You can't just trust someone.
When someone's like, you just have to trust me,
they don't know how trust works.
Trust and mistrust are a boomerang.
The trigger already happened.
You can't just fight with the boomerang
and change how you feel what happened.
However, there are processes,
there are levers you can pull,
there are different things you can put into the loop
to actually build trust and to rebuild trust.
And the answer to the most common question
we get asked about that is yes, of course,
after infidelity, a relationship can be rebuilt
if you want to.
You don't have to, but if you want to,
and healing needs to happen
regardless of whether you want to or not,
because I will tell you after decades of doing this work,
infidelity is a pattern that repeats
and not just for the person who strayed,
but for the cheated upon.
Unfortunately, when we are the cheated upon,
we unknowingly are putting a victim's trigger
into the loop with people that invite,
not saying it's your fault, it's not your fault,
please don't tell me I'm saying it's your fault, it's not,
but it is a proven pattern
and people who get cheated on keep getting cheated on
until they learn how to show up in relationship
from an empowered place where
that stops happening,
and we learn how to solve the bricks and the wall.
It's so in-depth.
There's nothing I could say to you in three minutes
to convey everything that we teach on this topic,
but we did put a whole chapter on trust
and rebuilding trust.
And on day three of RBR,
we go through trust, rapport, and influence,
and how to actually build those in a relationship.
So real, so good.
And just like to add a cherry on top
of the vulnerability here,
the other question is about narcissism.
Is that?
Yes, so yeah.
Look, you might not love what I have to say.
I say a lot of things that people don't love,
but I'm always going to tell you the truth.
Right now in today's world,
narcissism has become a synonym to selfishness.
Selfishness.
And that is completely false.
Narcissism is an actual condition.
Like it's like legit.
I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist,
and I never will be,
so I don't know what it is,
but I know it's not selfishness.
So, but people throw the word narcissism around
to be a synonym with they're only thinking
about themselves and they're selfish.
Well, newsflash for you,
that is most of the 7 billion people
on planet Earth right now have endured so much pain
and so much upset from this leftover dynamic
that has made it so hard for us to relate to each other
when there are differences between us,
that most people feel like other people are being selfish
and only thinking of themselves.
When the biggest block between two people
is that their world is so different from your world.
In fact, masculine and feminine beings
even use vocabulary words that mean two different things.
The masculine, that vocabulary word means one thing.
For the feminine, it means something else,
and we're using the same words and we have no idea.
So he feels unheard, she feels unsupported,
and there's an unnecessary kerfuffle,
and each other can call the other person selfish
for being in their world.
What's really going on is people have become self-centric.
It's actually not a bad word,
it's not even derogatory to say that
when you say it factually.
Self-centric means I have had so much pain
or so much kerfuffle, or I'm so suspicious,
or I've had so many negative experiences
that everything that gets done or said,
I'm kind of running through that filter
of like, how is this gonna affect me?
How could this possibly negatively affect my kids?
What is the negative, like what's coming
that I could possibly prevent?
Because I've had it up to here,
I don't have any more room in my life
for any other problems, and it's actually not a bad thing.
You're trying to be protective of yourself,
and when we become moms, we add each kid to this.
It's like, now I have to predict how I can not get hurt,
and each one of my little cubs,
wherever they are, the school bus, whatever,
like, mommy's coming, I'm going to prevent anybody
from saying anything to you.
Like, we take on so much, and it makes us
what is factually self-centric,
meaning that we're running things through our filter
of how can I prevent this from negatively impacting me,
my spouse, all my little ones,
and then people can view that
as you being focused on you and your world
when you're not doing that with bad intentions,
you actually have the best of intentions.
So people throw narcissism around
as an adjective right now to mean selfish,
and it's completely just demonstrating
that they themselves just ran to the end of their skillset
because there actually is a mental condition
revolving around the word narcissism,
and I think it should be used by the people
who actually have that profession
and know what they're talking about,
but I will also say that, unfortunately,
the masculine gets a really bad rap.
I think it's a very often common dynamic
that the feminine is throwing around words
like jerk and insensitive and narcissism,
and just because the masculine operates,
and you'll learn so much more about this,
in their own way of autonomously processing
using much fewer words than the feminine,
and the masculine is not tribal by nature
because they are autonomous processors,
so the feminine, who is always thinking
about everybody's feelings in that room
and everybody who should, all people should be included,
everybody should be connected, no one should be left out,
he's never gonna necessarily operate that way organically
because he's an autonomous being
and he's totally not wired like you,
but he can develop a skillset to be part of a family,
which is what men have been doing and trying to do.
But unless this is explained, it's totally off of his radar.
It doesn't make him a dick.
It just makes him autonomous.
He is a good person with good intentions who never got the skills that you never got either.
And that doesn't make him selfish.
He's just an autonomous being.
Masculine people process autonomously.
The feminine processes connectively.
They're very different.
Neither one is superior to the other.
No one is wrong for how they're wired.
But if we don't learn these bridges, we're unnecessarily causing kerfuffles.
And then we feel misunderstood and unheard when we're only showing up with the best of
intentions to do the best that we can.
And they will tell you, the feminine is unbelievably resilient and will go to the ends of the earth
to protect the people she loves.
And the masculine will happily take the sword and die for the person that he committed to
for marriage.
And that's literally, in his mind, what he signed up for is you before me and this is
it.
I'm getting you to the finish line.
All of your dreams.
All of your goals.
That's my job.
I will get you there.
I will get these kids there.
I have a job to do.
And what he needs and wants doesn't even matter to him.
But they're so misunderstood, the masculine and feminine are so misunderstood that we
use feminine labels for what we see.
They use masculine labels for what they see, but it's just not accurate.
We need these bridges because there's so much unnecessary kerfuffle.
The truth is, we're here to heal each other, just like all humans.
It's kind of why we also named it the missing piece.
All humans have similarities and all humans have differences.
And you need all different people, like pieces of a puzzle, to make the beautiful picture
of the tapestry of humanity.
Nobody's wrong for being who they are.
We need everybody coming together.
Boom.
Boom, baby.
Yes.
Okay.
I feel like we're heating up the passion, and I just have two more questions.
I see all of your questions that are to me, and in here we've got two more.
So that's where we'll tap out now, and then she'll be back for round two in a couple months.
So the first question is, what would you say to somebody who's single, or maybe they're
dating, they now have this awareness?
Do they...
What would you...
Is that a...
Yeah.
So get the book, come to the event, because I cannot tell you.
First of all, the skill set is for you.
Dating is...
Uncommitted relationships is the number one hardest phase of relationship to survive for
any human.
At least when there's commitment, especially when there's children, people will do a lot
more than they are willing to do when they can just walk away.
So getting through to a happy, peaceful outcome through dating is the actual hardest phase
of relationship you will ever get through.
Please, get the book, come to the event.
It is absolutely for you.
And so many people have said, oh, I'm going to get that skill set when I meet someone,
and then it's like, oh, it's too late.
You didn't know you were meeting them, and an hour and a half, you're going to walk into
a room and meet the love of your life.
You just need...
Better to be prepared than to already be like, I've only known them six days, and I think
I already put this thing in the toilet.
What do I do?
So maybe read the book, come to the event, and be ready.
That is so good.
I don't know any other singles in the room, but when you said this is the hardest stage
to get through, to get to the commitment, I'm like, oh, that feels good.
Yes, I feel that.
And then what about...
So the loop, right?
The loop of the relationship.
So what happens when the reactions are not consistent from a person in the same situation?
In other words, sometimes the action yields a positive boomerang, and then the same action
in a different situation may be a negative boomerang.
Yeah.
So here's what I'll say.
It's not about their reaction.
It's about your lenses.
So you're viewing that trigger as the same in both, getting a different boomerang, but
it's not.
And I know that's easy for you to say, Stacey, and it is easy for me to say, because I can
see all the loops, and you don't have them yet.
But there's so much more that goes into the loop.
There's energy that goes into the loop.
There's action that goes into the loop.
And there are bricks in the wall.
So there are different situations that create different boomerangs.
Trying to guess the trigger boomerang combinations is a losing battle.
You don't need to do that.
We've been documenting hundreds of these for years.
We're happy to give them to you because they're accurate and they're tested among thousands
of people.
So I would say, ask us first.
the boomerang and then ask us what's what the trigger was and what the solution is.
That's what we do all day every day. All of our events, our programs all come with our
Facebook community, our private group where our leaders are in there. We provide 24-7 support to
every single student 365 days a year. So there's no way you would have a question that we couldn't
answer and we will answer it. So instead of guessing what the trigger boomerang combination
is because you'll be wrong and I love you but you'll definitely be wrong. Just come and ask us
and we'll definitely tell you what it is. Oh so good, so good. Well you guys, I am going to drop
the book one more time. Okay this is Arlene. This is for us. Grab that, pay the shipping,
get the RBR event at the craziest price she's done yet. Thank you Stacey. Thank you
so so much. You guys, how good was this? How good was this? This touches all of us. We are all
in relationship with somebody and we talk about having tools for so many other areas of our life.
What about our relationships? So thank you Stacey for the missing piece. Thank you for gracing us
with your just presence, your energy, your passion. I want to say this, you guys. We're,
this is a group of entrepreneurs. I just feel like we can look at you Stacey for a moment and say
look what following your calling, your passion and going can create. I mean you literally,
I feel like you could teach for years. Who else wants to be there in their life?
Who else wants to be like Stacey having an overflow? I want to be there. I just feel like
you're such an inspiration even for our community of people who are stepping in their CEO identity
and stepping into building something that they're passionate about. You guys see it's possible.
Stacey's here to testify to that. Amen. So glad to be here. Thank you so much for opening the
space and making it possible. Yes. So right now we have it on the calendar. Is it okay that I
drop the date we currently have on the calendar right now for you to come back? Yeah, let's not
drop the date on the calendar just yet. We're not going to do that. We'll make sure. But definitely
get your book, come to the event. We're here to help. We'll do whatever we can to help you
with whatever you're focused on right now. Yay. All right, you guys have an amazing Monday.
May your relationships just like level up this week. And by that meaning you get to level up
this week. You get to be in charge and empower yourself. So yay. Thank you guys. Have an amazing
rest of your week. And thank you so much, Stacey. We will see you guys later. Bye.