Okay, ladies, welcome.
This is your phase 2 live heart check-in.
It's May 6, 2025.
Any newbies here?
I know Kathy said she just graduated heart work phase 1.
Do I have anybody else that's new?
Missy, yes, good to see you.
And Madison, awesome.
Lots of new faces.
I love it.
Awesome.
Well, ladies, just to quickly introduce myself,
my name is Carla Johnson.
I am a phase 2 dating coach here at Last Year Single.
I was part of their program.
I joined Jackie in middle late of 2020,
kind of when she, like, grand launched her program.
And I was in that program for a couple years single
and have now been married.
It'll be two years in September,
so we're, like, about a year and a half in.
We are blending a family.
It's a lot, but it's good.
All right, what I can say is I've been in your seat,
and all I can say is that this preparation period
in your last year single really will prep you for all the things
that God wants to do in your life and get you ready for marriage
because, you know, Jackie will be very candid with you.
You know, marriage is not always super easy,
but it's very worth it.
And so it's good to do your heart work
and do all the preparation now
so that you can step into that love story
the way that God has it for you,
and it's just going to be awesome.
All right, I've seen it happen to so many people,
and if it can happen for them and it can happen for me,
it's going to happen for you, too.
So, yeah, let's go ahead and get started.
I'm going to do a couple housekeeping things,
and then we'll jump right in.
So please make sure, because we got a couple newbies in here,
please make sure that you're checking all of the posts,
the pinned posts in the app,
especially that one where you all are going to put
your roll call responses on.
It just helps us to be able to check in with you
and see where you're at and how you're doing,
what you're working on, and then, you know,
don't be afraid to make those posts for Ask a Coach,
any wins that you want to celebrate.
If you have some relationship milestones,
definitely make sure that you're creating posts in there
that myself and Ebony can come in there,
cheer you on, be your cheerleaders,
and also help you just navigate this phase, okay?
Because this is what we like to call the dating phase,
but I don't want you all to freak out, okay?
Because that first video,
Jackie prompts you ladies to do that seven-day challenge,
and I know it never fails.
I get women that come in, they're like,
oh my gosh, seven days, I'm scared,
I haven't dated in years, da-da-da-da.
Like, I get it, okay?
Don't let it scare you.
It really is just a way for you to come out of hiding
and start putting those heartwork tools to practice,
and it's not just dating.
That heartwork that you did in phase one
is going to help you in all relationships.
So you get to pace the dating process however you want.
Everybody's got their own journey.
Some people like to just dive off the high dive
and into the big deep end and go all in.
Some ladies, myself, okay,
I will testify that this was me,
I was like, I'm just going to put my pinky toe in.
I'm not sure I'm ready for that,
because I had a son who was a few years old,
and I hadn't dated since his dad split from me,
so that was really scary for me.
So I had to do some heartwork stuff.
I had to just kind of go at the slow route.
I wouldn't suggest doing that,
because it took me about a year to really fully take on dating.
I wouldn't suggest that,
but just know y'all are going to go at the pace
that God has for you, okay?
This phase will stretch you.
This phase will get you out of that comfort zone,
but it doesn't have to be scary.
Because you have a support system here.
You've got your sisters here in this community.
You've got myself and Ebony that are here with you
through that whole process, okay?
So yeah, just make sure that you're checking all of those tabs
and making posts and doing that.
Also, I want you to be making sure
that you're checking even all the tabs.
So I'm not just talking about where you post.
but I'm also talking about where you're gonna get
your course content.
So that's gonna be in the app.
And then there's a resource page
that I really wanna emphasize for you ladies to check out.
I'm starting to see some questions creep in in the app
where a lot of that information
is gonna be under the resource tab.
So for example, I don't know if any of you,
if you're not following Jackie on any social media,
I would highly encourage you to do that.
But you probably, if you are,
you probably saw that she took a group of ladies
from our last year single community to Cartagena, Columbia.
And so I think that's wrapping up now.
I think they just got back.
And so we offer those last trip singles.
And when we have those trips,
we post those in the resource tab.
So all the information for all the trips that are coming up
will be under that tab, okay?
It's where you'll go to sign up.
It's where you're gonna go
to get all the information that you need.
I also wanna emphasize if you didn't see in our app
that Bethany made a post that we just added
two new single cities to our directory, I guess.
You know, we have a dozen of those
all throughout the country.
I think we've got some in Canada as well.
So just be on the lookout for that.
So again, for you new ladies,
single cities are gonna be in the Facebook.
And so you're gonna request to join
and all the information on how you join
is gonna be under that resource tab.
So there's a special code based on the city
that you're joining and you're going to need to put in,
there's a questions that pop up
when you're trying to join a Facebook group.
I'm sure if you've joined Facebook groups before,
sometimes those things pop up like, what's your name?
What's the email you use to sign up for this program?
And then they're gonna specifically ask you
for a specific code for that single city.
You don't get that code unless you go into the resource tab.
There's a document there, make sure you pull it up.
It's also gonna give you a list
of all the single cities that we offer.
Please just join one.
Join the one that's closest to you, okay?
So just, okay, I live in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
So we have a great Dallas single city.
And we even will sometimes have events
with the Austin community as well.
I know the girl that moderates that single city, Dallas,
she's in the works of doing all sorts of events.
I think one's coming up in like 10 days
that she's trying to get some people together to do.
There's talks of possibly doing a meet in the middle,
kind of go to Waco at Magnolia Market
for the Austin and the Dallas girls and guys.
There's guys in that group too.
Not as many guys, but there are guys there.
And so just make sure that you go check it out.
Get connected with the women in this community.
And like, I can't tell you like the friendships
that I've made through this program.
Like so many of them came to my wedding.
They were in my wedding.
And it's just, it's good to do life
with people that are in the season that you're in.
And then when y'all get married,
y'all can go do merry things with each other, okay?
So just keep that in mind.
And then ladies, just remember these live calls
are super important to get to.
If you can get to them, we have the one o'clock,
which is right now.
And we have eight o'clock Eastern one as well.
I always encourage, if you can go to both, go.
The one o'clock one is the one
that we typically post and replay.
There's so much that we post and replay.
We just can't post both of them.
So it is usually this one o'clock one.
So again, go to the eight o'clock one
because that one's not gonna be in replay,
but don't not come to one o'clock as well, okay?
So I think I covered just about everything.
I hope that answers a lot of questions
because we have a handful of ladies
that just graduated phase one and are here at phase two.
Let's go ahead and pray.
And then we'll do, I'll leave some space for you ladies
to kind of, the ladies that were here last week
to share how they did on their activation.
And then I will open the floor to you ladies
to ask all your questions, okay?
So Heavenly Father, I just thank you for this day.
I also thank you for all these women.
I thank you for this time for us just to come together
and just renew our hope and fill,
give us encouragement with what you have in store for us.
Lord, I just, I thank you for the wisdom
that you have present for all the women
here in this community.
me. And I just pray that we all have open ears and hearts to
receive. And again, we thank you for this time in Jesus name.
Amen. All right. So ladies that were here last week. And listen
to Supernatural Saturday from two weeks ago. We talked about
pruning. Okay, Jackie done a teaching on pruning two
Saturdays ago, when I was in the program, that was probably
one of the most life changing teachings that Jackie did for
me. And so I was activated to do a lot of pruning in that,
especially that first year that I was, I was not really dating,
but I was really working this program, I was intentionally
showing up, which I encourage all you ladies to do. And so I'm
interested, how many of you have found that God is
highlighting some things for you to prune? Remember, there's, we
prune dead things. We prune sick and dying things like and we
have to really decide, okay, if this is sick and dying, do I let
it go? Or do I need to prioritize it to like bring it
back to life. And then the heart of one that one of the hardest
ones that I think was and it was difficult for me. And it was
really helping me prepare for my marriage season is those
pruning the good things for the great things. So I'm interested,
excuse me, what has God been speaking to some of you to
prune? And how has that gone for you this week? Now those of you
ladies that just jumped into phase two, this is probably new.
So don't worry, I'm not putting you on the spotlight right now.
But those ladies that have been here for a couple weeks. I'd
love I'd love to hear you share. So just go ahead and mute. And I
want to hear what what God's what God's doing as far as your
pruning season is going.
I'll go.
Awesome. Thank you.
I was like, but I can't hear you.
That's okay. Well, I was waiting for somebody else to step up.
But he's for the last few weeks. He's been like, having me
basically got my house, my garage, my closets, my
everything. And making room for a partner because right now,
like, it's all me and and there wouldn't be room for one other
person, much less an animal in here. So
I love that. Yes, that's good. I did the same thing. I mean,
yeah, it's, we kind of contend to gravitate towards that clean
out the closets, declutter things like those are, those are
things that are definitely necessary to prepare for
marriage. I had to do that because God was working on me. I
did not want to move. I did not want to leave Florida. But my
husband was in Texas. And so I had to I mean, I started
decluttering way before I met him so that when I had to move,
it was a little bit easier to sort through my stuff. Because
I gotten rid of so much and another thing that God had me
prone. And so this is sometimes the hard stuff that you're going
to prune. Y'all I was a single mom. And I had struggles with
his father. And I had calendars and notes of all the things like
all the documentation about visitation things that you know,
in case he ever wanted to come after me for, you know, custody
or whatever. I had all this documentation. And God had me
prune and throw all of it in the garbage. Like, so just continue
to keep listening to Holy Spirit. Ask him what it is that
you need to prune because he will prune lots of good things
and it will it will help your heart and your soul. Okay.
Anybody else want to share what they I want? Yes. Go for it.
All right. So because there's a lot in a lot of different areas.
So because you were talking about documents, so I shredded
my divorce papers the other day because I was like, I don't know
if it's I need them for anything legal in the future. And so it
was a question. So I held on to them. And then and then so
actually, before the pruning session came in, I had already
purposed in my heart to shred them. And so that was just like
confirmation, right? So I did. I went in here and I went to my
office and I shredded them. And then I'm on this program with
the county health services. And they just I keep telling them to
change.
and to take my last married name off.
And it's been three years and they just haven't done it.
So I finally wrote a note, like, I don't know,
two weeks ago, and I got a letter in the mail saying,
hey, we'll change your name.
We'll get that last name off of there
if you bring in your social security number
and show us, I mean, your card and show us that
your legal name, what your legal name is.
So I did that this morning.
So, because I was like, I need to get it done.
I need to get it off of my correspondence
that they send to me without that name on there anymore.
So that was the two things, but he's been working on like,
I'm an artist and so I am multiple media.
So I do ceramics and jewelry and stained glass
and painting, and so I have a lot of different equipment
and things like that.
And so I asked him, Lord, what do you want me to do?
Because I was teaching classes
and so I had tables and chairs and blah, blah, blah.
And so he's like, get rid of, he goes,
you can keep some stained glass for making product,
but get rid of all of the teaching stuff,
all of the eight irons and five tables, whatever.
And just like hone down so that you're just using
your materials for making product,
because I have a business.
And so.
Yeah, it's like, he's helping you prioritize
what he's calling you to do.
So that's, again, ladies go back and listen
to that Supernatural Saturday from two weeks ago
and this past week as well.
And you'll hear more about that teaching.
It's really, really good.
But inevitably that's what it is.
It's what do you want to prioritize in your life?
And how are you gonna make room for that?
Okay, like Jackie talked on that Supernatural Saturdays,
like, oftentimes what happens is people have good hearts
and good intentions to come in and work on certain things.
And then they're like, oh, I just don't have time.
But are we really being intentional with our time?
Do we need to prune certain things out of our time,
our day, our schedules to be able to prioritize that?
I mean, I don't know about you all,
but Netflix and like just endless social media scrolling,
like I sometimes always catch myself being like,
oh, I just don't feel like I have time
or oh, I'm too tired of this.
And I'm like, but before I know it,
I'm sitting here just binge watching
whatever show is on Netflix that's new.
Or, you know, and y'all like Netflix is always like,
my husband and I will look through it and he'll say,
oh, this looks good.
And I'm like, that's a TV series.
We don't need to watch that.
We're gonna get stuck.
And then we're not gonna get things done around the house.
Like it's just, yeah.
So I'm always like, we only stick to movie.
So what the Lord is putting me on about YouTube videos
is and social media,
cause I have a lot, I follow a lot of artists
is that I spend a lot of time
watching other people's creativity.
And so I go, oh, that's cool.
Or that, you know, and that's a great idea, blah, blah, blah.
And I can feel my insights in the Holy Spirit going,
what are you doing sitting here looking at their stuff
when you could be over there doing your stuff.
Like you're getting some creative stuff,
but is it becoming more of a distraction?
Right.
Where then now you're just being infiltrated.
I don't know about you all,
but when I get too much like sensory overload,
like I don't even know where to start.
So I love that.
Ladies continue to be praying to Holy Spirit
what you need to prune, you know,
so that activation is not gonna necessarily go away,
but I do wanna just jump in real quick.
What I want you ladies working on this week,
this is one of my favorites.
I do this often, like every month,
couple months or so,
I prompt you ladies here in phase two to do this.
And we're about to hit summer season.
Okay, I think we're a little over a month away
until it's officially summer.
And summer season is for me,
is like the perfect excuse to be able to wear dresses
because I live in Texas
and it is like the surface of the sun here.
And so I'm like you,
like it's a necessity to have to wear dresses here.
Honestly, that's just my opinion,
but I really want you ladies to get out there this week.
And I want you to, you know, put on a dress,
get a vibrant.
bright, fun, feminine dress and wear it out.
All right, and then post a picture of yourself
in your dress on our app, okay?
And remember, it's just us ladies here, it's safe space.
You wore a dress today, I love it, Jenna, that's awesome.
And yes, Sundays are good dress day, so I'm excited.
I'm excited to see all your cute dresses.
I need some inspiration because I, yeah,
I just need to revamp my wardrobe,
so I need to see all the cute dresses,
especially since I'm getting ready
to go in the summer season,
and I'm about to go to Mexico in about a month or so,
so I need some cute things.
So I wanna get inspiration from you all, okay?
So if nothing, it's just to get inspiration.
But I will tell you, it will activate something in you,
you will be surprised, people will start,
I mean, you'll get people that will comment,
oh, that's a beautiful dress,
or oh, you look really good today.
You will be surprised.
Women that do this, it works.
Yes, Jenna, she was here,
she posted this a couple weeks ago.
She's like, this dress thing actually really worked.
It does, like you'll get noticed, okay?
So put a cute dress on, look good, boost your confidence,
all right, so that's your assignment for the week, okay?
All right, so I'm gonna get ready and take your questions,
but I do, I don't see, my girl Stephanie Davis
is not on here, I think that's her last name, Stephanie.
Stephanie, with the P-H-A-N-E-Y.
I see my other Stephanie here.
Hey, girl.
But anyway, if y'all go on the app,
or your girl Stephanie, she's so great
about posting quick two, three minute videos
and giving us updates, and I just wanted to shoot her horn
because I watched that before I jumped on the call today,
and I loved what she shared.
She was showing up, being obedient
to what God asked her to do.
She went to this event this morning,
and she was gonna leave, and then she's like,
she felt Holy Spirit prompt her to go back in, she did,
and y'all, she started striking up a small talk,
not with men, but with women.
So even though we always prompt you,
make eye contact with men, smile at men,
I also wanna encourage you ladies
to step out of your comfort zone.
Some of you, this comes naturally to you.
For others of us, it doesn't, okay?
And so she started making small talk
with a couple women that were in this event,
and one woman, she started talking
about last year's single to them,
and she's like, you need to come to my church.
I think your husband's there.
And so they just had a really good time.
You know, if y'all watch her,
if you ever are on when Stephanie's on
and you watch her videos, she is super bubbly,
she is so fun to be around, but just check it out.
But I just, I wanna, I wanted to toot her horn
because I wanted that to give you all encouragement
that even though this is the dating phase,
and it can be scary,
it doesn't always have to be about dating.
It literally is just about coming out of hiding,
putting yourself out there, getting to know people,
whether it's men or even women,
because you never know who's gonna,
who's connected to your spirit mate, okay?
So I just, I thought that was something really, really good.
I wanted to share it.
But now I'm gonna open the floor up to you ladies.
I see some hands up.
So my guess is that some of y'all have questions for me,
which is awesome.
Juanita, do you have another question
or was your hand up from sharing before?
I do have a question, okay, go for it.
So I've been, so I live in the same town
that my husband and I got married in,
and we got married in 2020,
and then he divorced me and he left.
And so, but I was in love with him,
but he didn't wanna commit.
So, but I still, when I drive around
or when I'm doing stuff, I still have these thoughts,
you know, it's like I pass,
which I pass these places all the time
that we did stuff or whatever.
But I keep having these, you know, it's like,
oh, he's gonna be doing that or this is May and he'll be,
and then I'm like, why do you have these thoughts?
There's no real big emotion with them.
It's just, they're just memories of thoughts that are,
so I don't, I seriously, I don't know what to do with them.
It's like, do I just like,
you know, just see the thought and go, okay, good.
Yeah, I don't know, tell me, I need help.
Good, this is kind of, you know, I think.
I'll be honest, I think a lot of people probably have experienced that same thing. I know I did
in my past. You just, you kind of get, you know, there's that rem, like you reminisce and you see
those things. This is when heart work really is valuable and you can start using those tools.
And it doesn't have to be this, you know, it's not heart surgery. I mean, I know y'all just came
out of phase one and it is like, it is like a scheduled surgery, right? Like you, you really,
like in phase one, we really do have you ladies working on that. But now that you've been through
it, it doesn't have to be as complex. Does that make sense? And so this is when, you know,
you recognize it and be like, Oh Lord, is there, is there something that you need to show me here?
I mean, this is when you just start having, having conversation with the Lord. That's what
helps me where I'm like, okay, Lord, is there something that you need to show me with this
memory or what I'm experiencing? What am I feeling? Is there a fear attached to it? Is there
a lie that's coming up? What's, what's coming to surface? So I would start there, start asking
Holy Spirit to highlight anything that maybe needs a revealing for healing. If it's there,
I think it's good that you are recognizing it and you have that self-awareness so that you can,
you can address it. I know for me, like the thing that comes up for me right now to kind of
share with you is how are you about making new memories at some of those places? Have you thought
about going and maybe inviting some girlfriends or some family to go create new memories at some
of these places? Well, I'm creating new memories for myself in those places because I don't have
community here. And that's part of, part of the whole thing is, but the Lord is starting to open
little teeny doors to some women from my past. And just even this morning, there was a connection, but
Can I ask where, where do you live? I live in a little teeny town called Weaverville, California.
Okay. Way up in the mountains. And is it like, is it close to any big city? It's close to Redding.
Okay. Well, here's the thing. I mean, this community we have, I think we do have a Redding
I would encourage you to jump into single cities, get linked to them, start,
start building community there. We have a lot of like a lot of people that are in that area.
So I think God is going to just continue to bring you community and help you create some new memories
and just get you around a circle of people that are going to just lift you up and give you
encouragement and hope. And then have you done, I'm guessing this is just, I would, I don't want
to assume, but I'm going to ask, did you do any of your like forgiveness? Did you do soul tie
breaking with your former? Oh yeah. All the time. I was going to, I mean, even when it doesn't even
like, it's just a short little bit. I'm like, I'm breaking that soul tie. I'm breaking that.
I had to do the same thing. Like I was never married, but I had to break soul ties with my
son's father. I was never married to him and I had to do a lot of forgiveness. And there are times
that it still would creep back in. And I had to remind myself, no, you know what? I've already,
I've already released this and I would have to sometimes re-release it. So just because we do
that, don't like just think, well, Oh, it's not working. No. Sometimes we have to just be like,
no, I already did this. I'm going to, I'm going to give it back to God. They like that, that whole
stuff like to creep back in sometimes. Okay. So I'll just encourage you to do that. Okay. Okay.
You feel better? Yes. Yes. Awesome. All right. I only got three other hands up. Is there nobody
else that I got Ruth, Mary, and Madison, and I know Madison has to take off. So I am going to
grab her and then I'll grab Ruth and then Mary. Okay. Stephanie, do you have any updates? I think
I need to go in and respond. Did you respond after I responded to you? Yeah, I think so. Yeah.
Okay. I'll go in and respond to that too. But if we, if you want to jump in, we can do that as well.
Okay. All right. Madison. Hey girl, how are you? What's going on? Okay. I have a couple
tough things to prune and I need some feedback on them. I don't really know
what to do. The first one is that I, for the last eight years I've been working on adopting a child
and I'm adopting internationally from Bulgaria. I felt called since I was 18 to adopt a child
and started the process eight years ago. And it's kind of been stagnant for the last
three years or so. And I'm starting to realize that the children that are coming out of Bulgaria
are not really a match for what I'm looking for.
And I have been able to meet some men that want to adopt, but it is a pretty major deterrent
in the dating world.
I've already spent about $15,000 doing that.
I've told every single person I know, people have donated.
It's been like a lifelong calling, and I don't know if God wants to change it to a domestic
adoption or what, but canceling it would be an enormous deal.
So this sounds like one of these things, we're trying to decide, is this the sick and dying,
and do we need to spend more time on it, or do we need to let it go?
This is that, you're probably in that process.
And so, have you spent a decent amount of time just praying about it, asking for confirmation?
Yeah, I mean, the last year the adoption was on hold, and it just had to come off of hold.
And so I've spent the last year thinking and praying about it, and I think I had to
change, I made a soul tie or a vow or whatever to do this adoption.
And I, last phase, I decided to break that off and be like, okay, well, I never wanted
to have biological kids, but now I'm going to be open to that.
And so I'm keeping it on the back burner, and it's still open.
I don't think I'm going to be getting a match soon, but I just didn't know if that was something
that I needed to be really bold and cancel the adoption for a breakthrough, or if it's
okay to kind of have that simmering, and then maybe I'll make it work.
Yeah, that was kind of my first thought is, does it have to be something that has to be
a very much like, I'm cutting it off, sort of deal.
Is this just a, I'm not going to invest all my time in this, I'm not removing it, because
if you really do feel that the Lord at some point called you to adoption, it may be one
of those situations where you're called to that, but it's not, you're not in that season
right now.
That it doesn't, it's not in your seasons in the future.
So is this something where, okay, it's taken up a lot of time, it's taken up a lot of money
so that you can just press pause on it while you then ask the Holy Spirit, okay, what is
it that you want me to step into right now?
What is it that I need to be intentional with my time?
What do I need to make a priority in my life right now?
And maybe that's dating, maybe that's this program, maybe that's, you know, a career
thing or like, whatever that is.
Yeah, it's not taking up any time.
So that's good to know.
I think I agree.
I think that I can kind of keep it open.
Yeah.
I'm one of those big ad proponents for like, for me, and maybe other people can relate
to this.
What has always worked for me in the past is I tend to follow what gives me peace, right?
Because I don't, I don't believe that God is a God of confusion and anxiety and, you
know, fear.
All right.
When I am not sure of something and I'm like, do I do this?
Do I do that?
And I'm really indecisive.
I tend to be like, okay, Lord, I need peace about a decision.
And that's what I typically follow.
So sometimes my decisions is not make a decision at all and just sit with it and just let it
sit there.
Let it figure itself out and put it on my Jesus cares board.
All right.
Because I think they're saying that back burner that applies in the same way.
And so that's good to hear because there's a man that I was dating before this program
and I posted about this in the, in the whatever thing, and they said they wanted to, to coach
me on it.
But basically we went on here in phase two, I posted here on phase two, I'm going to go
back.
There's a man that, okay, okay.
He was 11 months into a divorce.
Okay.
It was going to be over soon.
But the more time that went on, the more it just was more time added on.
So we decided to press pause and in this time, and I guess the plan is that he's going to
come and reach out to me when the divorce is final.
However, I'm not good at, I'm pretty black and white person.
I'm not good at like having this maybe.
So he told me to reach out if I ever changed my mind and I was all out.
And so as I've been doing this coursework, I've been realizing that he's really not the,
the relationship that we had is not what I want.
Yeah.
But I was going to say, does he have the three M's?
Do you know?
Yeah.
He does.
Okay.
He does.
But I think he, because other than marriage minded, he says he is, but he just got out
of it.
He's not, he's still literally in a marriage, so I don't know that he's like really, really
but even though he wants to be.
Yeah.
And I'm wondering if like when the divorce is over,
he would be able to kind of fully be there with me
and be present, but he kind of was distant
and like clearly distracted.
Well, and here's the thing.
I mean, and I, and other people might
have different opinions on this.
I know Ebony and I, you know,
the other coach here in phase two,
we've had discussions about this and
it's really hard to honor the covenant of marriage
if we're, if there are people that we're connected to
that are also still married.
Like not that those marriages aren't over,
but there's still covenant there.
So if we're wanting to honor a covenant of marriage
for ourselves in the future,
we can't be getting ourselves involved with people
that are still in covenant marriage.
Not that they're, I'm not saying that they're bad people.
So don't hear what I'm not saying here, okay?
But that's where it gets a little tricky.
And so there is gonna be a process probably for him
where he's gonna need to do some healing.
He's gonna need to do some, you know,
hard work on himself, right?
Whether he is in therapy, counseling,
has a life coach, whatever that is.
And so I think it was a good idea for you to say,
look, we can't move forward with this
because you're still married.
I think that was a good decision on your part.
I feel, I was definitely convicted of that.
And I, he didn't tell me that he was married
when we first met.
So I didn't-
I don't love that.
I really don't.
Like to me, that's a yellow flag.
Yeah, he had a lot of yellow flags.
Yeah.
But he also had a lot of really great things.
I was friends with his sisters for like 15 years.
They were like my best friends.
He comes from an awesome like oak tree family,
like just, and he's got so many qualities
that I really like.
And so, but I did feel convicted about that.
And so we did take a pause.
And so I guess my instinct is to cut and run
and be like, that wasn't good.
I don't like it.
Bye.
I'm just gonna start over.
But I also-
I know, like, this is another thing
that Jackie has taught on.
And I think, did she even talk about this
in Supernatural Saturday?
It's really like, oftentimes people struggle with endings.
Yeah, I think she did talk about this in the printing.
It's really difficult with endings,
but endings don't have to always be difficult.
But we're almost like kind of trained
to not do endings well.
So I think it's not unhealthy for you to be like,
like I need to put an end to this.
But I don't think it has to be one of those things
where it has to be a negative.
Because it sounds like you learned
a little bit about yourself and what you do like.
And ladies, I'm gonna share this,
this is what dating will,
dating for discovery will do,
is you will date some really great guys, okay?
You're gonna date some really great guys
that are not your spirit mates.
And I know some of y'all don't wanna hear that, okay?
But dating is, you're gonna probably have to date
a couple of people, all right?
You're not just gonna jump into phase two
and go on one date with the guy and that's your husband.
I would love to say that that happens.
It's not that it can't, it's just not that it's common, okay?
You're gonna go through this process of,
you're gonna date some guys,
you're gonna date some not so great guys,
and then you're gonna date some really great guys.
This is that time for discovery, all right?
You get to decide, oh, what do I like?
What did I really enjoy about this person?
So Madison, it sounds like he has some really good qualities.
He came from a really great family.
He seemed marriage-minded.
He seemed like he was mature,
probably masculine in some ways.
And so I would focus on, you know what?
It doesn't have to end poorly
because I got some really great things
from this interaction.
I learned a little bit more about myself.
I learned what boundaries I need to put up
and what, you know, I think that's a big one.
You learn-
Do you think that is gonna spiritually block me
from meeting somebody else?
Well, then that's when, again,
we're gonna need to go through
what things are you believing?
What beliefs, fears, anxious thoughts
are you believing and aligning with it?
And that's where we're gonna have to,
we're gonna prune that.
We're gonna prune some of those lies and beliefs
and we're gonna replace them with God's truth.
And then this is where some revealing for healings
can come into place.
Because ladies, I will tell you,
when you start dating,
there's gonna be revealings for healing.
Okay, Jackie often says,
if you've been hurt in a relationship,
you're gonna be healed in a relationship.
Okay, so you can go through some stuff, all right?
It's not, it doesn't have to be scary.
You got a community here, you got support.
So I would then ask you like,
what belief are you aligning with
that you're sitting here saying this is going to block me?
Why do you believe that?
What's coming to surface?
Where does that, where was, where's the root?
Yeah, I think I'm trying to be like self-protected.
Yeah.
Protected, so.
Yeah, so then that's just, like I said,
just spend some time with Holy Spirit with that.
Pray about it, what gets revealed.
Go through your heart work tools.
And let's see what comes up this week
and then let's see where you're at next week, okay?
Post in the roll call, come here to our live session
and let's see where that is.
Because again, maybe it's a soul tie.
Do you need to do some breaking of a soul tie with this guy?
I did all that, yeah, and I've forgiven him and everything.
I actually don't really think about him every day.
It's not like it's.
That's good.
And if he never texted me again,
I think I might actually, that would be nice.
All right, you're like, please.
Off the hook a little bit.
Shut the door.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, I definitely, yeah,
I don't want you getting hung up on this idea
that I'm still tied to this,
I'm still tied to the possibility,
it's gonna block me from meeting.
Like, let's remove that, let's see where does that come?
What's that lie?
Is it the self-protective?
Where do you not feel protected?
Let's start getting to that, some of that heartwork there
and see what God reveals this week.
All right, spend time with that.
Okay.
Sound good?
Awesome, thank you, Madison, appreciate you.
All right, Ruth, I'm gonna take you
and then I got my girl, Mary.
Sounds good.
Carla, I really just have a question for you
in regards to when I transition to the next phase.
So I've completed the coursework as of this week.
And I think I had, yeah, I had shared a couple of weeks ago
that I haven't been online dating,
I had been meeting men organically and had four dates.
However, and in the past two weeks,
there's a couple of different men that I've talked to,
but I haven't had any dates.
So unfortunately, I think I do have to get on the apps.
I just, I really prefer organic, but-
I know, I get it.
But I know it's a numbers game.
So my goal this coming weekend is to get on an app or two.
So I think my question for you is,
since I am transitioning to the next phase,
do you recommend that I stay in phase two
for a little bit longer
if I have questions come up relevant to that?
Or do you think I should transition on to the next phase?
You can definitely,
if you think you want a little bit more support,
especially with the online dating,
because I know that's something that,
I mean, I think a lot of us can relate.
That's just not something that we're always like,
yay, I can't wait to get on the apps.
Right?
And so if that's something that you're looking forward to,
right?
And so if that's where you're at
and you want to stick around for a couple weeks,
that's totally fine.
Okay.
And that way,
because I will tell you like,
with online dating apps, ladies,
and you're going to hear this
when you listen to that online dating video,
is you have to be mentally prepared for it.
You have to be willing to kind of go into it,
just prepare yourself.
Like you're gonna deal with some not so great situations.
Okay?
It's not gonna have to be dire.
Okay?
It's not like it's gonna have to be,
it's like, oh my gosh,
every time I go in,
I'm gonna have to deal with it.
No.
You're gonna learn, ladies,
that you're just not gonna give it
as much time and attention
when those types of things rise.
And then when you ladies do get into phase three,
I wanna encourage you to go through
some of the replays in phase three.
And the reason I'm saying that
is because last Thursday,
we did a love story.
So what will happen sometimes
when y'all are in phase three,
I'm just gonna give you a little play-by-play
of what phase three to look forward to
when you ladies are done in phase two.
We do what's called love story,
where we bring couples back
that are married or engaged.
I think there might've been one or two
in the past that they were engaged.
But most of them are married from our program,
not both people.
So like my husband and I,
we came on a few months ago.
I was in Jackie's program,
my husband wasn't.
And the reason I say this
is because one of the girls
who was in our program,
she met her husband,
he was not in the program,
and she got rejected by him at first.
And the reason I say this,
is because she had this mindset like oh that's okay I don't need to carry that
and she was able to release it it's kind of the same thing that you ladies might
experience with online dating you might have to deal with some not-so-great
people but it's learning to be like not offended by it when we bless and block
so you may want to just stick around for a couple weeks so that if for us to help
you navigate what that can look like and yeah but I know I know I was I and I
could keep you know this method but I I'm not I think things are just like it
not as active as they could be you're gonna be now you're gonna be put in
you're coming out of more hiding and you're just being able to meet some more
people and discover more about what you like and what you don't you are who
you're not right what you're willing to you know prioritize what you're not like
all of those things it's just gonna give you more practice and honestly I found
that after I went through heartwork and I went on the apps it was way more
enjoyable than it was before I had heartwork because I was just coming in
it with new information new tools new mindsets new attitude I had broken off
some of my you know you know lies and beliefs that I was aligning with that
were not from God and you know you'll hear Jackie say oftentimes like what you
believe you become and what you become you attract so when you start believing
differently about yourself and believing differently about online dating apps and
believing differently about men you're gonna start attracting much healthier
men much healthier versions okay and when that happens like it's just it all
comes together it's like the law of attraction all right so I think it will
be good I think I'm excited for you and we're here to support you we're here to
help you navigate it thank you clarifying question and I don't know if
you have the answer to this but just projecting out three to four weeks so
that I can block my calendar do you know when that third face meets um I
think there are occasionally Tuesday nights and Thursdays okay yes okay but
we don't know what time yeah um time would probably be eight o'clock eight
o'clock Eastern yeah most of our time stuff is usually one o'clock Eastern
eight o'clock Eastern okay the the ones that with phase three it's typically
more evenings phase one and two I think are the ones that we do more of the one
o'clock okay thank you you are welcome all right Mary how are you I always love
hearing your updates and then Jenna she is wanting to give an update as well so
we will make time for that as well thank you for saying that and yeah I just it's
kind of part question but part update on what's been happening and so yeah I
had all this kind of kind of fear come up last week I mean I've actually gone
on to a couple of apps and they haven't seemed to work for me at the moment I
can't seem to get registered properly so okay but some of the things that came up
was one I mean I've been divorced since 1998 but there's some things had come up
last week I think that kind of that revealing and I realized that it was
some dead things I needed to prune and and yeah because my my ex-husband was
and he's a Christian man but he he wasn't really nice man we were very
mismatched to be honest and and I don't have anything in my heart against him at
all but I realized I was still carrying some of the things that he had done and
but I found myself grieving and I'm still doing a little bit of that and I
feel sad and then I let go and then it's okay again and then a while later I'm
grieving again so I don't is that quite normal definitely can happen because I
can relate it to you know you kind of you build in your head like you know
this is your person this is the person you spend the rest of your life with and
so you kind of just go in this mindset and you're prepared for that and then
when it's not doesn't work out that way there's just you are you're grieving a
loss this loss of what you thought you're
future was going to look like. And there's this unknown. Yeah,
but then again, like you said, like, this is when heartwork
comes into place. You know, what am I believing? You know, their
fear that's coming up. And again, we know that God is not
a God of fear, like he's not putting these fearful, anxious
thoughts in us. He's not, you know, condemning us in a harsh
way. And so those are typically lies from the enemy when that
fear and anxiety and all those like, you know, what's the word
the just the things where we want to beat ourselves up and oh,
this is you know, because I, I'm guessing it's probably come into
your mind like, oh, this is just not going to work. You know, oh,
they I'm not going to find them. But like, ladies, I went through
that. This isn't like my entire time in this program. Like, I
would go on a date and I'd be hopeful about it. And then it
didn't work out or then another guy would come and it was just,
you know, and then I was still connected in some way to my
son's dad because I we have, we had to share like, he would go
see his dad and I would watch his dad have relationship with
the woman that he cheated on me with. And I'd be like, Oh, why
does he get to still like, why does he get to have this
relationship? You know, and I did a lot of forgiveness on him
and there was still stuff that would come up. You know, I
remember I had done the heartwork and I done a lot of
stuff forgiveness with him and released him God, God was so
gentle. He showed me, showed me compassion for my son's dad,
which you know, y'all if you knew me, like when I first
entered, like I did not want compassion for this man. But God
really took my heart. And, and even when I walked through that,
then there would be things that the enemy wanted to kind of use
to get me to cling back to it. And I had to recognize it. And I
had to be like, No, I already gave that away. God's already
got me. What lie am I believing? And I would release that. So
it's not uncommon. Like, I don't want you to think that, oh, this
is, you know, it happens. And this is when heartwork is so
powerful. Because it really can help us shift out of this
mindset. And what the enemy wants us to do is to stay stuck
and to stay, you know, in our heads and all that kind of
stuff. So I would just again, encourage you to, you know,
process through it, figure out what is it that you're
believing? You know, grieving, you're definitely grieving, and
that's totally fine. But let's hold on to the promises that
God's giving you.
Yeah, you're so right, because that's be it was coming up
today, even with work as well, because I thought I'd made a
mistake with something. And I immediately thought I'm going to
be shouted at. And that was my ex husband used to do that, as
well. Yeah. Just I mean, I had the most amazing encounter with
Jesus last last week, when I was kind of pouring my heart, I was
actually watching The Chosen at the time that this was kind of
happening.
When I just started watching that we watched started watching
like binge watching that for Easter. I told you those
episodes, they get you. But this one I thought was a good one.
Like I'm like, it's okay to binge binge The Chosen.
Yeah, totally agree. So yeah. And I had this sort of sense of
Jesus just kind of kneeling in front of me and just like
passion as well. And it was actually through The Chosen, the
Lord had said to me about when King David's son was ill, and he
kind of fasted. But as soon as his son died, he got up and got
himself dressed and everything. And I just felt since the Lord
was saying that to me, right is pruned, get that off, get up,
get dressed and move on. Yeah, because you're free now. So I've
got I'm having when I'm having these grieving moments. I'm
actually sensing a lot of freedom as well. So it's, it's
really good. But I couldn't quite work it out if it was
menopause.
No, we're all getting on.
I'm getting that like perimenopause stuff. I mean,
that's what I'm having to sort through. Like, I actually saw my
doctor be like, um, I think I need another pellet. I'm like,
I'm ready for more hormones. I'm like, I don't think this one's
gonna last the full three months. I think we need to up
my dose. Because I'm like, I'm not feeling like it's all of
that. But I feel you on that one. Yeah, no, but something
else that kind of is coming up. You brought up this, you know,
coming up at work, where you felt like you did something
wrong, and you felt like you're going to get yelled at. And then
you again reminded that your your former husband had done
that. And so I would be interested, is there any other
times besides maybe in your marriage? Was there something in
your past, like maybe childhood, where you felt that same way
that if you did something wrong, you were going to be yelled at
and reprimanded?
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So I would again, I would I would
wonder if maybe there's some revealing and healing that can
happen and take place there. Yeah. Ladies, when these when
these things come up, like I don't want us to ever feel like
we're going to a place where we have to like ignore it. But if
anything, that we can just bring it to surface. Like, don't
neglect or don't, maybe neglect is not the right word. Don't
push off certain emotions or feelings that come up in this
whole process. It's not just going to happen in just your
dating, but it's just the journey of what artwork really
can unlock. And so when certain things start surfacing and
thoughts and beliefs, and we're sitting that be open and willing
to kind of walk yourself through that. You know, God
wants you married, but he also wants you healed more than he
wants you married, like he really wants you married, he
wants you married more than you want to be married. But he wants
you healed. And so, and that will take place in your marriage
to y'all. Like, we don't just go through heartwork once or go
through this dating phase. And then all of a sudden, oh, look,
we're good. And you know, artwork doesn't exist. You know,
it's an it's an onion. It's a layer. Okay, I can't tell you
like I've been now I'm like I said, it's been a year and a
half that we've been married. We've been together over two
years now. And y'all like I'm still having to go through some
healing and some things that come to surface in my marriage.
You know, we're blending a family. That's tough. And all
three of my kids have some sort of trauma that, you know, make
it even more of a challenge. But I know that God wants to use our
family and he wants to heal our family, not just me, not just my
husband, he wants to heal my kids, which is just going to
leave legacy for my grandkids, my great grandkids and things of
that nature and just be a testimony for other families
that maybe have experienced some trauma and some hard things.
But that's kind of the beauty of what artwork it really does get
back. It's honestly one of the reasons why I feel so blessed
and humbled to be able to be part of this program still, and
being able to, you know, spend time with y'all every week and,
and help you through and, you know, be your cheerleaders and
hopefully give you hope and encouragement. It's just a
blessing. So all right, Mary, I want you to go process some of
that stuff. And
that's great. Really helpful. Thank you.
You are welcome. All right, Stephanie, I don't know. I saw
you're off camera. I'm not sure. Did you want to give an update
real quick? I know I've got Jenna, I think I said Jenna and
then Lolita has put her hand up. Now we got about 15 minutes. So
sure, sure. So just with everything that has been
revealed has been, I'm still, I'm still investigating it. I
think what I felt is that I, I kind of get into my head like
what you were just saying to Mary really helped because I do
kind of get in my head and I feel like Laura saying, you know,
you don't have to go through. You know, like, you can, but you
don't have to bear this. And so I think, for me, it's just a lot
of letting things go. And yeah, just, yeah, I just, I, I've
come up to some like other triggers a little bit, and I'm
paying attention to those. Just my, I saw my dad sitting and my
sister was telling him about something with her church or
something. And he was sitting and he was looking at her and he
wasn't doing anything else. And I got angry. Like, I felt so
angry. Yeah. Because I was like, he never does that. Yeah. You
know, so you just want him to hear you. You want him to
listen to you? Yeah. So I
think that's obviously something that I need to look more into as well. Um, but whoa, that's
a strange reaction, but you know, I couldn't, I couldn't remember a time when he hasn't
been distracted, you know, so with me. Yeah. So that was part of like, sort of jealous
of my sister, I suppose too. Yeah. And these are, and that's what I'm saying. I think it's
really good that you're processing through and you're taking these things and heartwork is going
to continue to help you heal. Um, I remember experiencing that when I was in heartwork as
well. I had a lot of anger that came up towards my, my parents. You know, I had some stuff that
I was dealing with my dad, but even my mom, like stuff that I really never felt like I was going
to deal with. And there was a lot of anger that I even had towards my mom and I had to work through
and forgive. And, and, and God was so gentle and revealing to me more of the truth and showing me
why maybe they act and behave the way that they did. And it was not a reflection of me.
And so I, like, again, I think it's probably really, really, um, you're going to get a lot
of healing through this process. And so I just want you to be gentle with yourself.
Right. I want you to spend time, go do things that you enjoy.
All right. Cause this stuff can ladies, they can stir up a lot of stuff. And I know like,
sometimes we're just in those healing stages, really important that even in those healing
stages, we go take care of ourselves. We do things fun for ourselves that we,
you know, we go and still live life and enjoy life. And so I want you to make sure that you're
balancing a little bit of the two, but I think this is all good stuff. Um, I think you're going
to have some tremendous breakthroughs. I think you already are having tremendous breakthrough
process and ladies, and this is, you know, I'm, I'm saying a lot of this to those ladies that
are new. Stephanie has been, you know, just super intentional with her time here in phase two,
she shows up, she, you know, expresses what's happening on dates, what's happening in her life.
She's, she's really putting the effort in and, and being super intentional and prioritizing,
um, this phase. And, and I really, and I say this because I've obviously been coaching for
over a year now, but I've been in this program since pretty much the beginning.
And the ones that we see that get the most breakthrough are typically the ones that are
showing up consistently and intentionally. And so, you know, you all just even showing up here
today on the live call or watching and replay and posting in the app, communicating with us here,
what what's happening, making connections, you know, breakthrough is, is, is going to be
accelerated. There's a supernatural exhilaration in this program when we show up, like I've seen
it happen. I've seen God work some really amazing things. Okay. So thank you. Always
just being vulnerable and sharing your heart. Like, yeah, thank you for making it a safe space
to do that. I feel totally comfortable sharing all of this with, you know, 16 strangers. So
and yes, ladies, I hold that sacred.
I did have a quick question. I am still sort of semi-talking to a couple of men,
sort of the one that I had, we had a phone conversation and I really thought it went well.
I liked, I liked what I heard from him. There were a couple of things that I was like, I don't know,
but I felt like I wanted to talk with him again. And he said he would check in the next day. He
did not check in the next day. Finally checked in on Thursday or something or Friday. He said,
Hey, I'm so sorry. I've been slammed with work. And then, you know, we have a revival
of my church this weekend. Can I check in with you maybe next week or something? So I was like,
so part of me was like, I don't, I don't like that pattern of behavior. Like he said he was
going to do something and he didn't do it, you know? And I get that you're busy, but like,
but like, I don't, it doesn't take that long to send a two line text either way. I was like,
you know what? I'm just going to watch for that. And so I said, okay, no worries. You know maybe
let's reconnect this next week. So anyway, it's Tuesday. I have not heard from him. And so I don't
know whether to like drop it. We haven't had a face-to-face actually. We haven't actually talked
face-to-face. So.
I don't know if I should, like, if I could check in with it,
like I tend to be pretty proactive, actually.
So for me, I actually have to kind of hold myself off.
That's my stretching point.
Like some girls, I like, it's hard for them
to take things for, I'll do it.
Like my problem is doing all of the things
in the relationship, you know, like my last relationship,
I was like functionally the man, you know?
So I don't know, but I don't want to default
to previous patterns and make things happen.
But at the same time-
No, I think that's good that you're recognizing that.
Yeah.
Yeah, so I don't know if it's okay for me to be,
to say, hey, listen, just, I don't know
if you're interested in talking again,
just wanted to clarify, or, you know.
I would just wait, I would wait for it.
Just wait for him to kind of make the move.
Like you said, you guys have not made,
you haven't had a face-to-face.
No.
Ladies, this is that early level two stage, okay?
There's really like no strings here.
You are just getting to know somebody.
You're getting to know what you like about them,
what you don't like.
You're getting to learn more about yourself.
So I think it's, you know, good, Stephanie,
that you're recognizing, like you like someone
that's going to be intentional
with what they say they're going to do.
Now, what I will say is that sometimes
we can't hold people at hard.
Like you have to do what you say you're going to do.
There's grace.
There's grace for things.
So it might just be an anomaly.
So I'm like, okay.
But I think it's good that you're recognizing
this is not what you enjoy.
And so as you get to know him,
like you said, you're going to keep an eye out on it.
And as, if you continue to get to know him,
if you guys decide to have a couple, you know,
face-to-face interactions, couple dates,
I would say, you know, around that three, four, five
date mark, if you're still noticing that he's doing that,
then this is when you all can softly bring up
and have communication and be like, hey, you know,
I'm not sure that if you recognize this,
but you know, one thing I've noticed is
I really struggle when someone's going to say
that they're going to do something and they don't.
I don't think that you're doing it intentionally,
but is there something that we can do
maybe where we can work on this?
Like maybe not give me like an exact day and time,
but just, you know, being able to be open.
I wouldn't say put it all in those words.
Okay.
I would just say, give it a few dates.
And like you said, keep an eye on it.
You recognize that you don't like that.
You don't like that.
Someone's not checking in and saying,
hey, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
You know-
Or just be a man of your word.
You know, you say you're going to do it,
have integrity and do it.
Yeah.
You like someone who's going to honor their work.
That's a value that you have.
And it's a good value.
But like I was, we were saying,
like there's still areas of grace,
but again, we don't want to come in hard with,
you don't do this, da, da, da, da, you know,
really on in these level two stages, ladies.
Like there's really-
Yeah, there's not enough investment
for that kind of expectation, you know, to be real.
But I like that you're recognizing what you like
and what you don't and being willing to put,
willing to put a boundary there
and being willing to be open to communicate
what your needs are and what you desire.
What if he doesn't contact me again?
Then I just drop it?
Then you know what?
You're God defended and you're God protected.
Okay.
That's a true story.
Okay.
There's another guy that I'm talking to in Finland.
Cool.
I am going to be visiting Europe.
So he might come and see me when I'm in Sweden.
I don't know.
I enjoy some things about him.
He's not really the energy,
like just with his, how do you say,
people that are really expressive, charismatic
versus the more like reserved.
He's a little, like temperamentally,
he's like more reserved,
but I like, he like asks questions.
He's, like, I think we're very like aligned
spiritually speaking and all of that.
I think there are some wounds
from his previous relationship.
He still is in pain from that, I think,
just from some things that he said.
And I don't know that he's dealt with those things.
So I don't-
Let's just kind of hold that stuff loosely, you know.
Okay.
We don't want to sit here and, you know,
project and say, oh, this is, let's just,
again, let's just enjoy the process.
Take time to get to know him.
Remember, like, this is, this is discovery dating.
You've done it beautifully.
And my first thought was, if he's from Finland,
there might be some culture things.
Yeah.
Like I dated guys in my early twenties
that were from, they were just European.
I think there was a guy that was like German and all,
you know, and there was,
there was just something culturally different
in how they dated and how they showed up
in dating relationships that was different
than what American men did.
So just keep that, you know, hold it loosely,
have fun with it, you know, get to know new people.
He asked if I could be his prayer partner
and we would pray like for this evangelism thing
he's doing for two weeks and like, we could.
pray together for 15 minutes twice, two different times. And I told them no. Because I just said,
Hey, listen, I just don't want to, you know, like I said, I will be honored to pray for you. But
as far as us praying together, I don't think that's the time for that right now. I just don't
think that's what I said. I don't want to manufacture spiritual intimacy quite yet. I want
to, I want to have some more conversations with you because we've only talked twice, you know.
Um, and so he was like, Oh, okay. I understand. Awesome. See, you're doing, you're doing awesome.
I want, like, I think this is a great process for you to start trusting yourself more, which we
talked about the last couple of weeks. So just keep doing what you're doing and keep showing up.
You're doing awesome. Thank you. So appreciate you. Thanks. All right. I want to hear Jenna's
update and then Lolita we'll, we'll save time for you as well. We're, we're coming up on,
we got like three minutes left, but I'm going to stretch it just a little bit.
I just don't want to get in too much trouble over. So short break, powerful ladies,
Jenna, what's your update? I'm going to be quick. I'm going to be quick. Yeah. So two things.
So since I told the coach, I was interested in him. He's called me twice and we of course saw
each other at basketball. So that was really cool. I kind of get the impression he's waiting
until coaching season is over, which I'm totally respectful of. So that's a good update. I was
very happy to get those phone calls. And then this weekend I, I have been prompted by God to call my
aunt. She's a single mom who met my uncle and he kind of wrapped her up in love, brought her in
our family and, you know, took her kids on as his own. I haven't called her, but I saw her this
weekend and I was like, I'm going to tell her that I'm dating. So I said to her, I have been
wanting to tell you that I'm dating. I want you to pray for me with me, all the things. So my other
aunt came over and they just prayed over me. But my aunt that was a single mom was talking about
how we as single mom are, can be so closed and not open. And that her brother was like, just let my
uncle's name is James. She's like, just let James love you. And that's exactly what I've been
experiencing. Like I'm trying to be open. I'm praying for openness, but it's very like scary.
So that was really sweet. Cause they just like gathered around me and prayed over me. And then
my mom was out of town, but I was able to share with her this weekend that we had that experience.
And so anyway, so lots of people are praying for me and my spouse. And I feel like I'm past the
lonely phase and more in the healed phase of being ready to like accept somebody into my family.
So that's a tiny update. I love it. Thank you so much, Jenna and just ladies. And any of you that
are on right now or watching in replay, if any of you are single mamas, I was a single mom,
know that I am always praying for you single mamas out there. I know what it's like. And just,
I want to give y'all encouragement that God has a husband for you that is going to love your kids,
like his own. Like, I can't tell you how blessed I am by my husband. Cause he really shows up as
an amazing dad to my son. Yeah. And so it can happen. And I want, I just want it to be an
encouragement for all you ladies. So just know like for all the single mamas out there, like,
I got you. All right. I got you with my prayers as well. I'm so, I love that you just felt,
you know, pulled to, to reach out to your aunt and that they prayed over you. That's incredible.
And yes, like you are dating healed. Right. And, and yeah, it's good. It's going to be good.
So good. Oh, I do. One other guy I was supposed to have a date with a couple of weeks ago. I met
on online dating. I got the date wrong. And so I didn't think anything would come of it, but he
reached back out this week and was like, I'm glad you're still open to going. Sorry, we messed it
up. So we're supposed to go out on Saturday night. So yeah. I love that. See, like, look at that
ladies. So even sometimes when guys may be like, we think that we're flaking, it literally happens
to all of us. Yeah. Like it happens to me. Like I remember I was just telling my husband this,
like a couple, it was like a year or so ago when we just moved here, my son was invited
to a birthday party with one of the teammates on his baseball team. And I was like, yeah,
he totally loved to go. Y'all. I forgot completely about it. I felt horrible. And I didn't realize
that until weeks later. And I'm like, Oh my goodness. Like, so it happens. All right. Just
remember to extend grace to people because you're going to want grace extended to you when you,
when you make mistakes as well. Cause we all do.
How are you?
Yeah, you good?
How you doing, girl?
Okay, come off of me.
Hi.
I have a few things going on.
So I'm actually finished phase two, but no dates.
Okay.
I was online dating and I been chatting a lot.
A few guys wanted to give me their numbers,
but I don't know if I want to actually talk to anyone.
I will chat with them and I will do a video call,
but to actually talk.
You don't want to be like calling each other up on the phone
and having conversation on the phone.
You just rather do like a video, like,
hey, see who you are, get to know you a little bit better.
Yeah.
When they're offering their number,
are you saying, I'm not ready for that yet,
but how about we jump on a video call?
Are you?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do that.
I definitely do that.
And.
And what's the response?
They say, yeah, but I don't know if they know
how to initiate the Zoom.
I'll ask them, do you have a Zoom or something like that?
And then it kind of just get pushed off.
And then it's so many men that keep coming back.
I kind of get lost in a shuffle
because it's like oodles and oodles of men
that just keep coming.
And then, because I'm more like three abs,
Christian, qubit, upward.
And then another one, I forgot what it is.
But anyway, and so it's kind of hard keeping up
with all of them and trying to chat.
And a few of them are kind of close.
So I've been chatting here and there with them,
but I'm trying to at least see their face
before I try to move anywhere further with that.
But.
Let's try this.
So when you're offering,
they're wanting to give you your number and you're like,
hey, I'm not comfortable giving out my number yet,
but would you be open to doing a Zoom video chat?
And if they're like, yeah, sure.
I want to encourage you.
This is when, again, ladies, like, yes,
we want the men to kind of initiate things,
but it's okay for you to kind of in the first date-ish,
like, I mean, it's kind of like a day we count
video calls as dates.
I want you to feel bold to be able to say,
well, what day works for you?
Would this day or this day work?
Give men an option.
Like give men like two options.
Give them two choices.
Do you have Friday or Saturday available?
Oh, Saturday.
Okay, great.
What time works for you?
Let them give you a time.
And then you can go into your Zoom app.
You can set up a meeting, copy and paste that link.
You should be able to paste it in your app chats.
Yeah.
And say, okay, great.
I'm going to put this on the calendar.
Here's the link for the Zoom call.
Here's the meeting ID number, and here's the password.
I can't wait to see you on Saturday on Zoom.
I want you to be bold and just throw it out there.
Sometimes men need a little extra push.
Okay.
And I will say, video, like,
it's funny because my husband hears me coach,
coaching and stuff like that.
And it was very new to him.
How he's like, why do y'all like push the video chats?
He's like, that's weird.
So some guys are not privy to that.
Like that's new for them.
Okay.
And so for some guys that might be a little different.
And so they might not know how to even set that up
or what to do or what it's like.
So, I mean, and I've had to explain to my husband,
I'm like, well, when you're meeting people online,
it's more of a, let me make sure that this person
that I am having conversation with
and texting with in an app is who they say they are.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, I mean, because I know,
when you share this in the dating video,
when you do the online dating,
like be ready that you may have to deal with some scammers.
We want to make sure that you're practicing
online dating.
It's a lot of scammers.
It seems like everyone is a widow.
And so when I see widow, I'm like.
Widowed, married, overseas, military.
Yeah.
Not saying that there are not guys that are not scammers
that are widowed or in the military.
Like, but that's typically like,
those are things that you want to be like,
okay, put my signals, put my signals on this way.
Get the video chat.
If they are not who they say they are,
they're not going to video chat you.
Okay, okay.
They're just, I mean, put, put it out there.
That's why I say give them two days, like, Hey, Friday or Saturday,
which one works for you?
Monday, Thursday, which day works for you?
Whatever day is going to work for you.
Like look at your calendar beforehand.
Be like, okay, I've got some time on Sunday afternoon and
I've got time on Wednesday morning.
Hey, would either of these days and times work?
Yeah.
They're like, no, I can't.
Okay.
Well then what date does work for you?
Okay.
It needs to be like, be, be bold enough to say, Hey, like I want to,
I want to get to know you.
I want to talk to you on video because that's all I keep saying.
I want to get to know you.
You say you want a man, but you, you won't even talk to me.
I gave you my number and you know, and they just going all, I will say,
yeah, because then I will tell you like on these apps, it's probably a good
sign that they're wanting you to call them and get on a, on a phone call.
Cause ladies, you don't want pimp house.
You don't want pimp house through the apps you're in real life dating.
And I know that when I was doing the online dating, I wanted to
know that they were a real person.
And so I, do you have a Google voice number?
Yeah, I do.
But that's like my work number too.
So I didn't want to, oh, that's right.
I remember you saying that.
Yeah.
So my son set me up, but a text number, it's actually a, you can call them too.
Okay.
Like, um, in my past I dealt with talking to a guy over the, um, like, uh, what was
it like Facebook and then over the phone and everything like that.
And what happened with that?
It brought me all the way to Georgia.
I went down there, set up, built a home.
Built a home.
I did everything and I was never with him and I had to come back to Maryland.
So I'm very, yeah.
Yeah.
So it sounds like some of this resistance to wanting to talk to people is because
you kind of have some trauma and some stuff that you're still struggling with.
Right.
Would I, would that be fair to say?
Yeah.
I don't, yeah.
I don't know about, you know, when they get in my ears, like
that's what I'm saying.
I think that's why it's important to do the video calls, make sure that you,
they are who they say they are, you know, again, just, and you've watched
all of our videos, right.
And yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
And so we give a lot of coaching on making sure that we don't find
ourselves in those situations.
That's why we want video dates and in-person sooner rather than later.
Cause, and we also, again, let's not deep dive with people in those first couple
dates.
All right.
Cause that's when that emotional connection is going to take place.
We really want to make sure that we're not trauma bonding, you know,
sharing all of the details.
I want you to allow yourself to kind of forgive yourself for that past
situation that brought you down to Georgia.
Have you forgiven that gentleman?
I just kind of like not think about him.
Yeah.
I, I, I would, I would say that some of this is probably coming up because
there's probably some healing that needs to take place there.
Okay.
I won't tell you the hard things, ladies.
I will.
But you know what?
One other thing is our old boyfriend who wanted to marry me when I was like 17,
18, he was going off to service.
Good guy, but I wasn't such a good girl, so I wasn't right for him, but I always
felt like I missed him.
The good one got away.
So I dreamed, I dreamt about him, but we're friends on Facebook, but my
spiritual walk in his is totally different and he doesn't really reach out to me.
But I think I'm forgiving myself, realizing that I was never, I would have
never been in a good relationship with him.
It probably wouldn't have last, would have been just like my marriage.
It would have ended.
You probably had to experience and go through.
And so, yeah, I would just be careful when we're aligning with certain things
saying, oh, I'm going to have this belief that the good one got away.
Let's break up.
Let's prune that, that thought, that lie.
Okay.
People come into our lives for certain seasons.
I think it's good that you're recognizing, you know what?
I had some healing and I had some growth to do back in the day.
But guess what?
You're getting healing and growth now.
Yes.
And there is still a good one out there.
Okay.
And so I just want you again, like, it sounds like we got, we got some, like
heartwork never, never goes away.
So when you're recognizing this resistance to things or the feelings of
overwhelming, you're recognizing that you're not alone, you're not alone.
maybe there's some anxiety, there's some fears,
there's some lies that we're believing.
Let's make sure that we're circling through our hard work.
Okay.
And processing through that.
And it sounds like I said, you know,
maybe consider doing some forgiveness,
going back to those chapters in hard work
on forgiveness of that guy from Georgia, all right?
And remember, like you didn't know
what you didn't know back then.
Right, all right.
You have new information now,
doesn't mean that that same situation is gonna happen.
You have a community, you know,
as long as you ladies are coming up
and coming here and sharing with us,
letting us know what's going on,
we will do everything possible
to help you see those blind spots, all right?
Like ladies, I will tell you,
there's gonna be times that I'll probably tell you things
and you're gonna get angry at me.
Because like, you know, I'm gonna tell you the hard things.
That is one thing I've always been,
you know, ever since I was younger,
like my friends knew, go to Carla if you want the hard truth
because she gonna tell it to you.
But we do it in a very loving and a gentle way
and, you know, a non-judgmental, you know,
this is a judgment-free zone.
You know, we're here to help you.
We're here to help you heal
and put, you know, lights in areas
that maybe need some highlighting.
Let's, hey, let's work on this.
This is surfacing.
Let's ask the Holy Spirit to come in
in these areas and heal it.
Oh, one other thing.
I like the accent of the men from down under.
But- Oh, the Australians, yeah.
Yeah, but I would be like,
kind of afraid to talk to them
because I don't know if they scammers.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
That's why, again, get on those video calls.
Do not, ladies, again, like we have,
I think it's in the online dating,
we do talk a little bit about like online safety.
Do not give your personal numbers out.
Do not share in-depth details about yourself.
Do not, do not give them money.
And I know that like sounds crazy that we're saying that,
but ladies, way back when, when I was in the program,
I was probably a year, year and a half in,
we had a woman in our community
that got scammed for like $10,000.
Like it was a lot.
It wasn't just like $1,000 here.
Like it was a decent amount.
She got scammed and she sent money.
And we're not saying that,
like I don't want you ladies to be freaked out,
but there's just like use discernment.
If you're not sure, bring it to our community.
We will help you navigate
how to create healthy boundaries, okay?
Like you can still practice like online dating safety
and still, but I don't want you ladies
to the point where you're constantly afraid.
Is this a scammer?
Okay.
Get those video dates.
That's what I'm saying.
Like you have a Zoom account?
Tell them to click the link.
Zoom is free.
Yes.
Like if a man doesn't know how to click a link
to get on a Zoom call, like honey, it's 2025.
Like we all went through the COVID, right?
We all went through that
where everybody learned how to get on Zoom, all right?
So that to me, like if they're not willing to do that,
move on.
Like when you do the Zoom meeting, it's informal.
It's not necessarily a date, right?
Well, I mean, we count it as a date,
but I mean, I still want you,
I mean, ladies, I don't want you to come in,
without your hair done and some makeup on.
I mean, you don't have to be like super like,
I'm going out on a Friday night, fabulous.
Okay.
But still present yourself well, all right?
I wouldn't necessarily say like,
I'm not gonna probably wear a sweatshirt and my hair,
like my hair, I haven't washed it in a few days,
but I did put a little bit of makeup on,
but maybe wear a nice blouse, do your hair nice
and put a little bit of makeup on.
Okay.
Let that be presentable.
Okay.
Don't expect them into, I mean, it's nice when they do,
but they don't typically always do that.
So we're gonna give them grace in that area.
But yeah, you definitely wanna get them on camera,
especially ladies, especially if they're long distance.
Like if they're local, chances are,
they're probably not a scammer.
Okay.
I would be open to going,
and if you don't wanna do the Zoom,
I would even maybe, if you're bold and have the courage,
set up an in-person meetup.
It doesn't have to be something super scary.
It doesn't have to be something.
super long, it literally can be like,
make sure it's a public place and sometime during the day.
Oh, yeah.
Like the Y,
because I'm taking swim lessons at the Y.
Okay, well, let's not put yourself in a bathing suit
in front of a man on the first date.
All right.
If there is like-
You're right, you're right, you're right.
Hey, would you like to play tennis with me at the Y?
Okay.
And I wouldn't even let them know,
I come to this Y every, you know,
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Don't let them know your schedule,
like where you're gonna be and all that kind of stuff,
especially in those first couple of dates.
Again, so we wanna be careful what we disclose to them,
but we don't wanna be to the point
that we're so freaked out to share anything with them.
All right, there's a healthy balance there.
But yeah, like, hey,
do you wanna go play tennis with me?
Do you wanna go bowling?
Let's go bowling.
Let's go, there's this really beautiful park
and there's a lake, like, let's go take a walk.
Do something where it can be an hour long date.
If they're local, you don't have to do the video date.
You can just say, why don't we go ahead
and meet at such and such place,
at such and such time, on such and such date?
Would that work for you?
And I also-
Are you like conversing with guys
that have their picture on the app?
Yeah, their picture, yeah.
And I don't know why I just felt prompted to say this,
but ladies, I know when I was online dating,
there were some men that would contact me
and they didn't have pictures on their profile.
I wouldn't talk to them.
Let's not talk to those.
Like, there's something for me
that was just something that was always off.
Yeah, like, if you're gonna be online dating,
you gotta be willing to put your face out there.
And that goes for you ladies too.
Like, let's work on making sure
that we have some cute profile photos of ourselves.
We get women in this phase all the time
that share their photos in our app
and we kind of give comments like,
oh, this is good, this is good.
Hey, let's not post pictures with a bunch of people in them.
Let's not post pictures with sunglasses on.
We want full body shots, some face shots,
like things that are flattering, photos that are flattering.
Yes, Leslie, some men have some terrible photos.
You know, I wouldn't necessarily ignore them.
I mean, I never, I kind of put a boundary.
Like, I was not interested in swiping on guys
that had the gym selfies.
Or like, they took pictures of themselves
with their shirts off.
Like, that was just not a thing.
One man was an undertaker or something
and he had a chainsaw with blood around it.
Yeah, no, I probably wouldn't be interested in that either.
I mean, if you're like,
if that doesn't like make your stomach a little queasy,
then, you know, maybe you're fine with that.
I mean, that's how he, that just seems off to me.
But as I'm saying, like, sometimes these guys,
like ladies, we have to give them grace.
They don't always know.
Like, they don't have Jackie.
They don't have, you know, me and Ebony and Bethany.
Like, they don't have them coaching.
They don't have us coaching them, right?
So we've got to give them grace in some areas,
but, you know, those are just some tidbits.
I'm definitely over on time.
So ladies, I'm going to cut it off.
Thank you all for those of you that shared,
you know, let's come next week.
If those of you that did not get to share,
I want to encourage you,
definitely come with your questions.
We are here for you.
If you can make it to eight o'clock tonight,
ask a question there with Ebony
and don't hesitate to put your questions
in the app as well and let us know
what you're working on in Roll Call, okay?
Ladies, it's been a pleasure.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
God bless.
Have a great day.
Bye, ladies.