WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.720
Welcome to love seats for May.

2
00:00:05.720 --> 00:00:09.000
We may actually have some ask Jackie time here soon as well.

3
00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:14.560
So if you don't get to ask your question tonight, like in the actual video, like you get to

4
00:00:14.560 --> 00:00:16.760
be in the love seat, then you're going to have another opportunity.

5
00:00:16.760 --> 00:00:21.960
Cause I really want to put an emphasis on coaching as we head into summer, as we head

6
00:00:21.960 --> 00:00:27.340
to the end of spring and summer, I'm declaring like I always do in last year single that

7
00:00:27.340 --> 00:00:29.380
this is a summer of love.

8
00:00:29.380 --> 00:00:30.380
Okay.

9
00:00:30.380 --> 00:00:32.420
I'm declaring it the summer of love.

10
00:00:32.420 --> 00:00:37.360
And so what I mean by that is you growing in love with God, you know, understanding

11
00:00:37.360 --> 00:00:41.420
his love for you, how deep it is, how wide it is, how amazing it is.

12
00:00:41.420 --> 00:00:44.300
And then also you growing in love for yourself.

13
00:00:44.300 --> 00:00:52.060
And then finally also that love being, you know, overflowed out into love for others,

14
00:00:52.060 --> 00:00:57.580
specifically romantic love, but not only not exclusively specifically, but not exclusively

15
00:00:57.580 --> 00:01:01.180
meaning that, you know, there's all different types of relationships that we need in our

16
00:01:01.180 --> 00:01:02.180
lives.

17
00:01:02.180 --> 00:01:04.739
And a lot of you do not have that.

18
00:01:04.739 --> 00:01:05.740
You don't have that.

19
00:01:05.740 --> 00:01:10.940
I was privileged to be on a retreat in Cartagena and it was amazing.

20
00:01:10.940 --> 00:01:16.100
And all the ladies that came on that retreat, that was a woman only retreat females only.

21
00:01:16.100 --> 00:01:20.340
And we had an amazing time of sisterhood.

22
00:01:20.340 --> 00:01:25.580
People made new friends that I guarantee are going to be besties on this journey.

23
00:01:25.580 --> 00:01:27.100
They're going to keep in touch.

24
00:01:27.100 --> 00:01:31.460
They're going to cheer when each other, when clap on each other, when they're going to

25
00:01:31.460 --> 00:01:35.100
be very supportive and who knows, they may even match make each other, but they definitely

26
00:01:35.100 --> 00:01:36.780
will be there through the ups and downs.

27
00:01:36.780 --> 00:01:37.860
And we all need that.

28
00:01:37.860 --> 00:01:40.420
We all have to have that.

29
00:01:40.420 --> 00:01:43.700
And here's one thing that I want to say as we head into love seats for tonight.

30
00:01:43.700 --> 00:01:48.300
So if you're new to phase three, if you're new to, we call it last year, single community.

31
00:01:48.300 --> 00:01:50.140
Now you guys were no longer calling it phase three.

32
00:01:50.140 --> 00:01:53.660
We're calling it last year, single community, because we have a lot of different programs

33
00:01:53.660 --> 00:01:54.660
going on right now.

34
00:01:54.660 --> 00:01:57.340
There are people that are just in last year, single program.

35
00:01:57.340 --> 00:01:58.380
They're working on their hearts.

36
00:01:58.380 --> 00:02:01.320
They're learning how to date differently and better.

37
00:02:01.320 --> 00:02:05.620
They're learning to how, how, how to have success in their area, in these areas of their

38
00:02:05.620 --> 00:02:06.620
lives.

39
00:02:06.620 --> 00:02:12.780
But in community here we have all different types of coaching that involves me.

40
00:02:12.860 --> 00:02:18.300
I'm not involved in those, those parts of the program, except through video, right?

41
00:02:18.300 --> 00:02:19.940
I'm not involved in those parts of the program.

42
00:02:19.940 --> 00:02:22.060
So you guys have me here a lot.

43
00:02:22.060 --> 00:02:24.820
You have me for supernatural Saturdays.

44
00:02:24.820 --> 00:02:28.420
You have me someday, sometimes for Sunday night activations and prophetic nights.

45
00:02:28.420 --> 00:02:32.500
You guys have me for love seats and you are going to be having me for ask Jackie.

46
00:02:32.500 --> 00:02:34.580
So make sure you're putting your questions in there.

47
00:02:34.580 --> 00:02:38.160
If you put it in a long time ago, put it in again, because we're going to delete all the

48
00:02:38.160 --> 00:02:41.460
old ones and kind of start fresh starting at May 1st.

49
00:02:41.460 --> 00:02:46.360
So if you have a question for us, Jackie, and it was never answered because we didn't

50
00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:48.900
have a way to deliver it via the app.

51
00:02:48.900 --> 00:02:51.020
If you did that, then go ahead.

52
00:02:51.020 --> 00:02:54.500
And if it's still pertinent and you still need an answer to it, go ahead and resubmit

53
00:02:54.500 --> 00:02:56.260
it to ask Jackie.

54
00:02:56.260 --> 00:03:00.340
That's going to be in the resource tab on your app, gentlemen, in your group, on the

55
00:03:00.340 --> 00:03:03.300
app, ladies in your group, on your app.

56
00:03:03.300 --> 00:03:08.660
And when you do that, then you are going to, um, you know, I'll answer everything from

57
00:03:08.660 --> 00:03:09.660
May 1st.

58
00:03:09.660 --> 00:03:11.300
I'll, I'll answer everything from today.

59
00:03:12.140 --> 00:03:15.860
May 6th, I'll answer everything from May 6th down.

60
00:03:15.860 --> 00:03:19.740
So go ahead and resubmit that, delete your old one, or you don't even have to delete

61
00:03:19.740 --> 00:03:20.740
your old one.

62
00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:24.860
We'll delete everything up till maybe the last couple of days, anything that was put

63
00:03:24.860 --> 00:03:27.060
in after May 1st, we'll delete.

64
00:03:27.060 --> 00:03:29.700
So if you put it in just the last couple of days, fine, leave it.

65
00:03:29.700 --> 00:03:34.800
But if you put it in April or March or February, and it still is a question that you have,

66
00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.260
make sure that you resubmit it.

67
00:03:36.260 --> 00:03:37.260
Okay.

68
00:03:37.260 --> 00:03:38.260
All right.

69
00:03:38.260 --> 00:03:43.660
So I see a lot of ladies from Cartagena here tonight, Jeannie's here, I see Ana here, um,

70
00:03:43.660 --> 00:03:49.020
you guys got, did so many amazing things physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

71
00:03:49.020 --> 00:03:50.020
And so, okay.

72
00:03:50.020 --> 00:03:51.820
So this is what I was going to say.

73
00:03:51.820 --> 00:03:55.580
You have to bring community into your relationship.

74
00:03:55.580 --> 00:03:56.980
Okay.

75
00:03:56.980 --> 00:03:59.000
And for a lot of you, we are your community.

76
00:03:59.000 --> 00:04:01.140
You have to bring community into your relationship.

77
00:04:01.140 --> 00:04:02.140
You have to bring friendships.

78
00:04:02.140 --> 00:04:04.640
You're going to need that after you're married.

79
00:04:04.640 --> 00:04:06.900
It's not going to just be the two of you against the world.

80
00:04:06.900 --> 00:04:07.900
Okay.

81
00:04:08.540 --> 00:04:09.540
That's not the way it works.

82
00:04:09.540 --> 00:04:14.100
Those marriages do not, they're not healthy and they don't survive.

83
00:04:14.100 --> 00:04:22.200
You have to be surrounded by strong friendships and mentorships and community and family.

84
00:04:22.200 --> 00:04:25.880
And sometimes it's the family that we choose, not the family we were born to.

85
00:04:25.880 --> 00:04:31.500
And so that is the first piece of advice tonight on love seats is that you have to have people

86
00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:36.140
in your corner and in your life that you bring into marriage.

87
00:04:36.140 --> 00:04:37.140
You have to have that.

88
00:04:37.500 --> 00:04:38.660
It's really important.

89
00:04:38.660 --> 00:04:43.140
And the second thing that I want to say is we're declaring it the summer of love because

90
00:04:43.140 --> 00:04:48.480
a lot of you are going to accelerate in these areas in the next few months, as you know,

91
00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:52.780
we go into summer and we head into the, you know, the dog days of summer, July, August

92
00:04:52.780 --> 00:04:54.380
into September.

93
00:04:54.380 --> 00:04:59.060
And because of that, you really need to prioritize replays.

94
00:04:59.060 --> 00:05:00.060
If you can't be here.

95
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:02.940
This is not the time to cut and run from last year's single.

96
00:05:02.940 --> 00:05:05.580
It's not the time to say, oh, you know, I'm just going to have fun this

97
00:05:05.580 --> 00:05:07.240
summer and I'll come back in the fall.

98
00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:10.220
I'm going to pause my subscription to the community and I'll come back later.

99
00:05:10.500 --> 00:05:13.040
No, you need this more now than ever.

100
00:05:14.060 --> 00:05:14.580
Okay.

101
00:05:14.620 --> 00:05:18.580
Because helping you navigate and helping you get breakthrough and quite

102
00:05:18.580 --> 00:05:21.880
frankly, helping you do things that you're not going to do on your own

103
00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:26.020
without someone pushing you, you're not going to do it, you're just not going to.

104
00:05:26.740 --> 00:05:27.000
Okay.

105
00:05:27.000 --> 00:05:29.600
I know that in my own personal life, this is why I have a coach.

106
00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:30.720
This is why I have a trainer.

107
00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:34.400
I pay her $45 every time I go to see her.

108
00:05:34.400 --> 00:05:36.640
Maybe that's not expensive, but I don't know.

109
00:05:36.640 --> 00:05:40.700
To me, it is, I pay her $45 every time I go to see her.

110
00:05:40.700 --> 00:05:45.940
I only see her once a week, but I go see her and she makes me do things

111
00:05:45.940 --> 00:05:48.640
at the gym that I'm just going to tell you, I would never do on my own.

112
00:05:48.640 --> 00:05:49.540
I would never do it.

113
00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:53.320
Even if I knew how to do it, even if there was a list of what I was supposed

114
00:05:53.320 --> 00:05:58.420
to do, she stands over me and she makes sure that I do not just that I do it,

115
00:05:58.420 --> 00:06:02.140
that I do it right, that I have the proper form that I do as many reps as

116
00:06:02.140 --> 00:06:04.900
I'm supposed to do and guess what?

117
00:06:05.620 --> 00:06:07.680
I started seeing results almost immediately.

118
00:06:07.700 --> 00:06:11.940
When I go to the gym, I just kind of like float from one machine to the next.

119
00:06:11.940 --> 00:06:13.260
Like, how do I use this?

120
00:06:13.580 --> 00:06:15.900
I don't push myself case in point.

121
00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:21.020
I was with her a week ago and I wasn't able to sit down on the toilet for like

122
00:06:21.100 --> 00:06:27.140
a whole week because my thigh muscles hurt so bad because I went on that

123
00:06:27.140 --> 00:06:31.660
machine where, you know, you push, you push the plate forward with your legs,

124
00:06:31.660 --> 00:06:32.620
the leg press, right?

125
00:06:32.620 --> 00:06:33.740
I was on that machine.

126
00:06:34.260 --> 00:06:37.440
And at first I was like, oh, it's too heavy.

127
00:06:37.460 --> 00:06:38.940
Like you need to make it less weight.

128
00:06:38.940 --> 00:06:41.180
Like I can't, I can't even like get it started.

129
00:06:41.500 --> 00:06:45.340
And she was like, no, the first one, she's like, you have strong legs.

130
00:06:45.340 --> 00:06:47.340
She's like, the first one is always the hardest.

131
00:06:47.340 --> 00:06:49.220
She's like, you know, push it out.

132
00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:51.200
And so I, I pushed it out.

133
00:06:51.200 --> 00:06:55.100
And then as soon as I got it out, it wasn't as hard, like trying to get it there.

134
00:06:55.140 --> 00:06:59.660
It was hard, but once I got it there, it was easier to kind of go back and forth

135
00:06:59.900 --> 00:07:01.660
and do the reps that I needed to do.

136
00:07:01.980 --> 00:07:02.660
And guess what?

137
00:07:03.020 --> 00:07:07.780
I'm building the strongest muscle system of my body, your glutes and your thighs,

138
00:07:07.820 --> 00:07:10.500
your glutes and your thigh muscles.

139
00:07:11.340 --> 00:07:15.540
Those are the muscles that are going to burn the most calories while you're resting.

140
00:07:15.540 --> 00:07:18.140
Those are the muscles for longevity, right?

141
00:07:18.140 --> 00:07:20.980
The muscles that are going to help you get up from a sitting position.

142
00:07:21.420 --> 00:07:24.740
You guys, we don't want to get old and get stuck on the toilet because we don't

143
00:07:24.740 --> 00:07:26.300
have the strength to stand up.

144
00:07:26.300 --> 00:07:27.900
We don't want to get stuck on the toilet.

145
00:07:27.900 --> 00:07:31.180
That's a terrible place to be stuck, right?

146
00:07:31.340 --> 00:07:33.100
No, we want to be able to stand up.

147
00:07:33.380 --> 00:07:38.020
And so she's helping me do things that I would not force myself to do.

148
00:07:39.740 --> 00:07:42.100
And so that's why it's important that you show up to love seats.

149
00:07:42.100 --> 00:07:43.340
We're going to tell you the truth here.

150
00:07:43.860 --> 00:07:47.500
You put your questions and ask Jackie and please don't have thin skin.

151
00:07:47.540 --> 00:07:50.020
If you're going to put a question into ask Jackie, just know that

152
00:07:50.340 --> 00:07:52.020
I do this because I love y'all.

153
00:07:52.020 --> 00:07:53.180
This is why I'm here.

154
00:07:53.660 --> 00:07:55.340
You know, I consider this a business tree.

155
00:07:55.340 --> 00:07:55.580
Yeah.

156
00:07:55.580 --> 00:07:58.500
It's my business of, you know, matchmaking and dating coaching,

157
00:07:58.500 --> 00:07:59.700
but it's a ministry to me.

158
00:08:00.140 --> 00:08:02.540
And I want you to have success.

159
00:08:02.580 --> 00:08:05.700
And I've helped over 1600 people have success.

160
00:08:06.020 --> 00:08:07.700
And I want you to be the next one.

161
00:08:08.100 --> 00:08:11.260
By the way, we had like four weddings last week, last weekend.

162
00:08:11.940 --> 00:08:12.460
Okay.

163
00:08:12.860 --> 00:08:14.620
And an engagement, I think.

164
00:08:15.260 --> 00:08:16.180
What was that the week before?

165
00:08:16.180 --> 00:08:16.860
I don't remember.

166
00:08:16.860 --> 00:08:20.260
I just lose track now, but the bottom line is, is that I want you to have success.

167
00:08:20.540 --> 00:08:25.220
And so sometimes, you know, my bedside manner is not that, you know, the most

168
00:08:25.220 --> 00:08:27.900
gentle, but my heart's gentle.

169
00:08:27.940 --> 00:08:31.260
Sometimes my directness, I'm a very direct person if you haven't noticed.

170
00:08:31.740 --> 00:08:33.659
And so do not get your panties in a wad.

171
00:08:33.820 --> 00:08:35.179
I'm not coming at you.

172
00:08:35.340 --> 00:08:37.140
I don't think anything bad about you.

173
00:08:37.140 --> 00:08:40.580
In fact, after I leave this session, I'm not thinking about it at all.

174
00:08:40.860 --> 00:08:44.340
I'm just saying in the moment, you know, what needs to be said.

175
00:08:44.340 --> 00:08:46.620
And sometimes, you know, you need someone to tell it to you straight

176
00:08:46.620 --> 00:08:48.420
because you're in your own way.

177
00:08:48.700 --> 00:08:49.540
You need someone.

178
00:08:49.540 --> 00:08:52.980
And if someone said it really nicely, you're not going to pay attention to that.

179
00:08:54.620 --> 00:08:58.340
You know, you're not have someone stroke you and tell you, oh, it's going to be

180
00:08:58.340 --> 00:09:00.100
okay, well, it's not going to be okay.

181
00:09:01.540 --> 00:09:04.820
It isn't, I'm not going to tell you it's going to be okay because it's not going

182
00:09:04.820 --> 00:09:07.380
to be okay if you continue to do what you're doing, it's just going to be the

183
00:09:07.380 --> 00:09:11.620
same and what's happening already is not okay.

184
00:09:11.620 --> 00:09:12.660
That's why you're miserable.

185
00:09:12.660 --> 00:09:13.980
And that's why you're unhappy about it.

186
00:09:13.980 --> 00:09:17.260
So I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be okay if you keep

187
00:09:17.940 --> 00:09:21.100
doing the same thing, I'm going to tell you, you have to change this and I'm

188
00:09:21.100 --> 00:09:25.580
going to actually help give you, you know, information on how to change it.

189
00:09:25.820 --> 00:09:28.780
And so will our other coaches, everyone, all of our coaches have different

190
00:09:28.780 --> 00:09:30.580
temperaments, they have different styles.

191
00:09:30.980 --> 00:09:36.100
Um, but you come here because, you know, I'm going to tell it to you straight and

192
00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:37.420
you know, I'm going to give you wisdom.

193
00:09:38.900 --> 00:09:39.420
Okay.

194
00:09:40.180 --> 00:09:45.980
Who saw me on Fox TV on the Fox news talking about, about Bill Belichick,

195
00:09:46.540 --> 00:09:51.820
the coach, the ex coach of the Patriots dating someone who's 49 years younger

196
00:09:51.820 --> 00:09:54.660
than him who saw me there.

197
00:09:54.700 --> 00:09:56.260
Just a couple of you saw that article.

198
00:09:56.300 --> 00:09:56.800
Okay.

199
00:09:57.060 --> 00:09:59.940
Well, maybe our, maybe our team can.

200
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:02.680
post it so that you guys can find it and see it.

201
00:10:02.680 --> 00:10:04.840
But I gave it to it straight, you guys.

202
00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:06.580
I was very diplomatic.

203
00:10:06.580 --> 00:10:07.460
I was kind.

204
00:10:07.460 --> 00:10:09.240
I didn't gang up on Bill Belichick.

205
00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:10.720
I didn't call him a dirty old man.

206
00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:14.080
I didn't, you know, I didn't, I didn't attack anybody,

207
00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:16.800
but I gave the facts and I gave it to it.

208
00:10:16.800 --> 00:10:19.000
I gave it to them straight.

209
00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:20.640
Hey, this isn't a fairytale, Bill.

210
00:10:20.640 --> 00:10:21.800
This is a fumble.

211
00:10:21.800 --> 00:10:23.920
You're fumbling the ball, bro.

212
00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:26.640
You know, I mean, cause quite frankly,

213
00:10:26.640 --> 00:10:28.200
I have been, you know,

214
00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.480
involved in lots of May, December romances,

215
00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:33.460
not myself, but my clients.

216
00:10:33.460 --> 00:10:36.520
And when you have a age difference like that,

217
00:10:36.520 --> 00:10:38.360
you're just embarrassing your family.

218
00:10:39.560 --> 00:10:41.200
Okay.

219
00:10:41.200 --> 00:10:44.760
When you're, when you're a man who is in his seventies

220
00:10:44.760 --> 00:10:47.200
and you're dating a 24 year old woman, you know,

221
00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:49.600
your children who are older than her,

222
00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:51.800
they are ashamed of you.

223
00:10:51.800 --> 00:10:52.840
Okay.

224
00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:55.240
Let's just talk about it straight.

225
00:10:55.240 --> 00:10:56.980
There isn't like, oh,

226
00:10:58.440 --> 00:11:01.200
my dad, he finally found the love of his life.

227
00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:03.600
And it just happens to come in a 24 year old,

228
00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:05.800
they're twin flames, they're old souls.

229
00:11:05.800 --> 00:11:06.680
No, y'all.

230
00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:09.680
I ain't saying she a gold digger,

231
00:11:09.680 --> 00:11:12.160
but I am saying that the relationship

232
00:11:12.160 --> 00:11:14.220
is the thousand percent transactional.

233
00:11:15.260 --> 00:11:18.680
We have an aging ego that's being propped up

234
00:11:18.680 --> 00:11:23.680
by a girl who's smart in the way that she knows

235
00:11:23.940 --> 00:11:25.880
what she wants and she knows how to get it.

236
00:11:25.880 --> 00:11:30.580
Money, real estate, cars, influence, attention.

237
00:11:30.580 --> 00:11:33.000
Do you think a washed up beauty queen

238
00:11:33.000 --> 00:11:36.240
who was first runner up in a pageant, not even the queen,

239
00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:38.400
you think that she's going to get this type of fame

240
00:11:38.400 --> 00:11:41.720
and influence from just being whoever she is?

241
00:11:41.720 --> 00:11:43.960
Oh, she's going to ride this gravy train

242
00:11:43.960 --> 00:11:45.680
all the way to the station.

243
00:11:45.680 --> 00:11:47.320
I didn't say all that on Fox News

244
00:11:47.320 --> 00:11:49.760
because I was trying to be as kingdom as possible.

245
00:11:50.960 --> 00:11:52.000
Okay.

246
00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:55.680
But the bottom line is, is that in all of you

247
00:11:56.640 --> 00:11:59.840
we're thinking about possibly getting into an age range.

248
00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:03.520
Someone told me today that their family member is single

249
00:12:03.520 --> 00:12:05.800
and in their forties and is saying that

250
00:12:05.800 --> 00:12:07.720
they really want to meet someone in their twenties.

251
00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:09.960
It's a man and they want to meet someone in their twenties.

252
00:12:09.960 --> 00:12:10.800
A female.

253
00:12:10.800 --> 00:12:12.720
No, y'all, no.

254
00:12:12.720 --> 00:12:15.400
First of all, you don't get to just decide

255
00:12:15.400 --> 00:12:17.260
that you want to date someone 20 years younger

256
00:12:17.260 --> 00:12:20.640
than you gentlemen, because you like young women

257
00:12:20.640 --> 00:12:23.440
or because you're like, well, I want to have kids.

258
00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:25.200
First of all, women in their thirties and forties

259
00:12:25.720 --> 00:12:27.480
and even into their fifties can have children.

260
00:12:27.480 --> 00:12:30.080
And second of all, you don't get to do whatever it is

261
00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:31.760
you've been doing with your life

262
00:12:31.760 --> 00:12:34.520
and then show up in your forties, fifties and sixties

263
00:12:34.520 --> 00:12:37.000
and want a woman 20, 30 years younger than you

264
00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:38.760
just because you want to have children now.

265
00:12:38.760 --> 00:12:40.980
That's not the way this works.

266
00:12:40.980 --> 00:12:41.820
Okay.

267
00:12:41.820 --> 00:12:43.280
It's not the way it works.

268
00:12:43.280 --> 00:12:44.120
Okay.

269
00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:47.840
And so if that is what you want and that's your mindset

270
00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:51.040
that you feel like you deserve some young woman

271
00:12:51.040 --> 00:12:54.000
and that's what your, you know, your taste is.

272
00:12:54.040 --> 00:12:57.360
And that's where you're, you know, focusing

273
00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:00.400
all of your energy and time trying to get that

274
00:13:00.400 --> 00:13:02.640
or attract that, then this is probably

275
00:13:02.640 --> 00:13:03.880
not the right place for you

276
00:13:03.880 --> 00:13:06.180
because I'm not on board with that.

277
00:13:06.180 --> 00:13:07.080
I'm not on board with that.

278
00:13:07.080 --> 00:13:09.680
Now, does God sometimes bring people together

279
00:13:09.680 --> 00:13:11.840
that are May, December romances?

280
00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:13.000
Yes, but it's hard.

281
00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:14.680
Okay.

282
00:13:14.680 --> 00:13:16.240
That's not a glamorous match.

283
00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:17.600
And this is why, let me tell you this.

284
00:13:17.600 --> 00:13:18.800
I had no intention of saying this,

285
00:13:18.800 --> 00:13:20.560
but I'm going to say this tonight

286
00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:24.760
because anything over 10 years is considered May, December.

287
00:13:24.760 --> 00:13:25.600
What does that mean?

288
00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:27.600
It means you're in different seasons of life.

289
00:13:28.640 --> 00:13:29.800
Okay.

290
00:13:29.800 --> 00:13:31.280
Different seasons of life.

291
00:13:32.520 --> 00:13:35.200
And it goes all the way from 10 up to 50 years,

292
00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:36.560
different seasons of life.

293
00:13:36.560 --> 00:13:39.320
Like let's take Bill Belichick, for instance.

294
00:13:39.320 --> 00:13:40.680
This guy's in his seventies.

295
00:13:40.680 --> 00:13:43.140
He should be thinking about lineage and legacy

296
00:13:43.140 --> 00:13:47.240
and retirement and probably his health, his family.

297
00:13:47.240 --> 00:13:48.680
That's what he should be thinking about.

298
00:13:48.680 --> 00:13:50.280
That's where his mind should be.

299
00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:53.080
Not on a young piece of, you know what?

300
00:13:54.760 --> 00:13:58.440
And that girl, her season that she's in

301
00:13:58.440 --> 00:14:00.600
in her early twenties, you guys,

302
00:14:00.600 --> 00:14:01.880
she's not even 25 years old.

303
00:14:01.880 --> 00:14:03.440
She's the same age as my daughter.

304
00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:05.640
If my daughter brought home a 70 something year old man,

305
00:14:05.640 --> 00:14:07.160
oh, heck no.

306
00:14:07.160 --> 00:14:08.000
Okay.

307
00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:09.320
So where's this girl's mama at?

308
00:14:09.320 --> 00:14:10.160
I don't know.

309
00:14:10.160 --> 00:14:11.160
But the bottom line is,

310
00:14:11.160 --> 00:14:14.200
is that she is just trying to figure out

311
00:14:14.200 --> 00:14:15.580
some things in life, right?

312
00:14:15.580 --> 00:14:18.000
Discovery, exploration, identity.

313
00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:20.000
That's what we're doing over here.

314
00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:21.800
These are way different seasons

315
00:14:21.800 --> 00:14:23.640
and these seasons do not go together.

316
00:14:25.880 --> 00:14:27.640
An older guy that I know who's in it,

317
00:14:27.640 --> 00:14:28.840
almost in his seventies.

318
00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:31.680
He's like, oh, he's like, he's having fun.

319
00:14:31.680 --> 00:14:32.720
Just let him have fun.

320
00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:34.120
You know, he's in love.

321
00:14:34.120 --> 00:14:35.120
No friends.

322
00:14:35.120 --> 00:14:36.280
If you want to have fun,

323
00:14:36.280 --> 00:14:37.600
then take your grandchildren

324
00:14:37.600 --> 00:14:40.720
that are the same age as your girlfriend to the park.

325
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:42.880
Take them on vacation.

326
00:14:42.880 --> 00:14:45.000
If you want the energy of young people,

327
00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:47.080
then get around some young people,

328
00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:48.360
but that's not the way to do it.

329
00:14:48.400 --> 00:14:50.280
So we got to match seasons, you guys.

330
00:14:50.280 --> 00:14:52.160
And once again, once again,

331
00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:54.400
that doesn't mean that just because

332
00:14:54.400 --> 00:14:56.560
you decided to build your career

333
00:14:56.560 --> 00:14:58.880
or you decided to mess around

334
00:14:58.880 --> 00:15:00.400
and do other things and be.

335
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:03.000
involved in other relationships and never get married.

336
00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:05.920
And then you're making it to these older seasons of life.

337
00:15:06.860 --> 00:15:09.440
The forties and fifties are still very building seasons.

338
00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:12.940
Those are building, building seasons, even into your sixties.

339
00:15:12.940 --> 00:15:15.840
In fact, they say that the most productive seasons

340
00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:18.800
or decades of someone's life, get this,

341
00:15:18.800 --> 00:15:23.280
are your sixties, then your fifties,

342
00:15:23.280 --> 00:15:26.000
then your seventies, then your forties.

343
00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:27.180
And that's an order.

344
00:15:27.540 --> 00:15:28.380
Okay.

345
00:15:31.260 --> 00:15:34.580
They're saying your sixties are your most productive.

346
00:15:34.580 --> 00:15:36.300
We're going to get the most things accomplished.

347
00:15:36.300 --> 00:15:38.340
We're going to have the most success.

348
00:15:38.340 --> 00:15:40.740
And then the one right after that is your fifties.

349
00:15:40.740 --> 00:15:42.940
And then third on the list is your seventies.

350
00:15:42.940 --> 00:15:45.500
And then your fourth on the list is your forties.

351
00:15:46.680 --> 00:15:48.020
Okay. So these are not built.

352
00:15:48.020 --> 00:15:50.380
These are not seasons where you're not doing anything,

353
00:15:50.380 --> 00:15:52.140
but the things that you're doing are different

354
00:15:52.140 --> 00:15:55.060
than the things that you did in your twenties and thirties.

355
00:15:55.060 --> 00:15:56.000
Very different.

356
00:15:56.960 --> 00:15:58.680
The things you're doing in your forties are very different

357
00:15:58.680 --> 00:16:00.240
than the things you're doing in your seventies

358
00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:01.300
or even sixties.

359
00:16:02.360 --> 00:16:04.020
And you guys, well, the reason why I say

360
00:16:04.020 --> 00:16:06.840
it's not a glamorous match, not that God can't ever do it.

361
00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:08.800
One of my closest friends is married to a man

362
00:16:08.800 --> 00:16:10.300
who's 20 years older than her.

363
00:16:12.160 --> 00:16:15.520
But when they got married, she was like 32

364
00:16:15.520 --> 00:16:19.240
and he was like 52.

365
00:16:21.160 --> 00:16:24.000
But now she's 42 and he's, do you see how it doesn't,

366
00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.960
it doesn't get better as it goes on.

367
00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:28.080
You're going to deal with problems

368
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:30.520
that other people are not going to deal with.

369
00:16:30.520 --> 00:16:33.140
When he's 82, she's only going to be 62 years old,

370
00:16:33.140 --> 00:16:35.120
you guys in like sixties, the new 30.

371
00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:37.040
And so what are you going to do

372
00:16:37.040 --> 00:16:38.520
when you're married to an 82 year old

373
00:16:38.520 --> 00:16:41.680
and you're only 62 years old?

374
00:16:41.680 --> 00:16:44.120
Okay. So there's a lot of stuff happening there.

375
00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:45.700
And you guys, and this is relative

376
00:16:45.700 --> 00:16:50.440
because some people are broke down at 45

377
00:16:50.440 --> 00:16:53.480
and some people can run circles around you at 85.

378
00:16:53.880 --> 00:16:55.280
So it's also very relative,

379
00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:58.360
but once again, it is about seasons

380
00:16:58.360 --> 00:17:00.040
and it's about respecting your family.

381
00:17:00.040 --> 00:17:02.520
If you have children, it's about respecting them.

382
00:17:02.520 --> 00:17:05.000
It's about how do they feel about this?

383
00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:06.960
You know, it's about not bringing shame

384
00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:09.640
or reproach on yourself for being in the things

385
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:10.839
for the wrong reasons.

386
00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:15.319
Also gentlemen, you know, if a, you know,

387
00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:18.400
I don't want to say that she's hot because I feel like

388
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:23.200
if there wasn't a 50 year age difference,

389
00:17:23.960 --> 00:17:25.680
then, I'll just put it this way.

390
00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:28.000
I don't think that our coach friend

391
00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:31.940
would be dating this woman if he was 30 and she was 24.

392
00:17:33.280 --> 00:17:36.800
I don't think that he would think that that's,

393
00:17:36.800 --> 00:17:38.960
that she's so attractive

394
00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:40.560
if there was a six year age difference.

395
00:17:40.560 --> 00:17:42.440
It's the 50 year age difference,

396
00:17:42.440 --> 00:17:45.820
I think that is the attraction there, right?

397
00:17:45.820 --> 00:17:48.360
But once again, you know, you have to be ready

398
00:17:48.360 --> 00:17:50.560
for people to raise their eyebrows at that

399
00:17:50.560 --> 00:17:53.960
and to probably consider that you're being taken advantage

400
00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:56.920
of and maybe feel sorry for you

401
00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:01.240
because really what does a person of that age group

402
00:18:01.240 --> 00:18:02.340
really want with you?

403
00:18:03.360 --> 00:18:05.120
So I guess what I'm saying to you is that

404
00:18:05.120 --> 00:18:07.920
if it seems too good to be true, especially you gentlemen,

405
00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:09.920
it is too good to be true.

406
00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:12.560
It is too good to be true, right?

407
00:18:12.560 --> 00:18:16.720
She doesn't like you for your, you know,

408
00:18:16.720 --> 00:18:19.680
sense of humor or your conversation.

409
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:21.440
She doesn't like your receding hairline.

410
00:18:21.440 --> 00:18:24.520
What she likes is your wallet or the security

411
00:18:24.520 --> 00:18:27.160
or safety that you're bringing to the situation.

412
00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:29.560
And so please take that into consideration

413
00:18:29.560 --> 00:18:33.160
because in nine times out of 10, nine cases out of 10,

414
00:18:33.160 --> 00:18:34.960
that's what's gonna be true.

415
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:37.200
That's what's gonna be true of that, okay?

416
00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:39.640
All right.

417
00:18:42.320 --> 00:18:44.480
Had no intention of talking about that,

418
00:18:45.320 --> 00:18:48.180
but it definitely needs to be said.

419
00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:51.520
Mm-mm.

420
00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:57.440
And you guys, this whole thing, by the way,

421
00:18:57.440 --> 00:18:59.520
there's some creepy, creepy people out there.

422
00:18:59.520 --> 00:19:01.480
I'm just gonna tell you that right now.

423
00:19:02.320 --> 00:19:04.320
You know, they're like, well, as long as she's legal.

424
00:19:04.320 --> 00:19:07.320
So this whole thing about, what is this thing you guys

425
00:19:07.320 --> 00:19:10.040
about taking your age and subtracting

426
00:19:10.040 --> 00:19:11.560
and then adding seven or whatever?

427
00:19:11.560 --> 00:19:13.640
Someone tell me what that is.

428
00:19:13.640 --> 00:19:16.040
Tell me what those, tell me what that saying is.

429
00:19:17.040 --> 00:19:20.520
Divide your age in half and add seven.

430
00:19:20.520 --> 00:19:21.720
Thank you.

431
00:19:21.720 --> 00:19:26.120
Okay, so that would be a 40-year-old dating a 27-year-old.

432
00:19:26.120 --> 00:19:26.960
No.

433
00:19:28.580 --> 00:19:29.920
No, you guys.

434
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:31.520
First of all, you don't have anything in common

435
00:19:31.520 --> 00:19:33.080
with a girl who's 27 years old

436
00:19:33.080 --> 00:19:35.240
and also, and even the other way around.

437
00:19:35.240 --> 00:19:38.200
And the reason why is because Gen Z,

438
00:19:38.200 --> 00:19:41.220
whoo, they're different, you guys.

439
00:19:41.220 --> 00:19:43.760
Gen Z, they're calling them the anxious generation

440
00:19:43.760 --> 00:19:44.600
for a reason.

441
00:19:44.600 --> 00:19:46.840
These kids in their 20s, like Gen X,

442
00:19:46.840 --> 00:19:49.680
when we were in our 20s, we had already been working

443
00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:52.560
since we were 14, 15 years old, okay?

444
00:19:52.560 --> 00:19:55.400
Most of us had jobs by then, all right?

445
00:19:55.400 --> 00:19:57.520
We drove at 15 and a half, 16.

446
00:19:57.520 --> 00:19:59.680
We had our license, we were latchkey kids.

447
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.960
worked, we came home, we knew how to cook,

448
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:03.320
we knew how to feed ourselves.

449
00:20:03.320 --> 00:20:05.520
Uh-uh, y'all, millennials are not like that,

450
00:20:05.520 --> 00:20:07.480
and for the most part, some millennials are,

451
00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:09.680
the older ones, but the younger millennials,

452
00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:12.960
so anyone like 33 and under, for the most part,

453
00:20:12.960 --> 00:20:14.720
that's not how they are.

454
00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:15.800
They don't leave the home.

455
00:20:15.800 --> 00:20:17.840
Do you guys know that they extended adolescence

456
00:20:17.840 --> 00:20:19.300
to 30 years old?

457
00:20:20.360 --> 00:20:24.320
They extended young adulthood to 30, okay?

458
00:20:24.320 --> 00:20:27.880
Because I'm telling you, they're traumatized.

459
00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:30.680
I don't want this to become a soapbox,

460
00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:32.320
but they're traumatized.

461
00:20:32.320 --> 00:20:35.480
They are the digital, the digital generation,

462
00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:39.000
they're traumatized by all the, you know,

463
00:20:39.000 --> 00:20:41.000
technology and how they've been raised

464
00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:42.280
and all the things that have happened.

465
00:20:42.280 --> 00:20:45.100
They have so much anxiety and they're very immature.

466
00:20:46.600 --> 00:20:49.280
Dating a 27-year-old now, unless they've been raised

467
00:20:49.280 --> 00:20:51.720
by, you know, people that made them get a job

468
00:20:51.720 --> 00:20:55.280
at 14 years old and made them drive and do all the things,

469
00:20:55.280 --> 00:20:57.320
they're very young.

470
00:20:57.320 --> 00:21:00.320
27-year-old now is more like a 20-year-old

471
00:21:00.320 --> 00:21:02.040
or a 19-year-old.

472
00:21:02.040 --> 00:21:02.880
How do I know?

473
00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:05.040
Because I have a 27-year-old.

474
00:21:05.040 --> 00:21:07.160
Both of my son-in-laws are 27.

475
00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:08.560
My daughter is 27.

476
00:21:08.560 --> 00:21:11.600
My other daughter is 24 and my son is 29.

477
00:21:11.600 --> 00:21:14.060
I know what I'm talking about, okay?

478
00:21:14.060 --> 00:21:15.400
And they were raised right.

479
00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:17.960
We made them pay for their own cars,

480
00:21:17.960 --> 00:21:21.240
their own car insurance, and they're still very immature

481
00:21:21.240 --> 00:21:26.240
because of the way that the world is working nowadays, okay?

482
00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:30.900
So please, you guys, stop idolizing youth.

483
00:21:32.600 --> 00:21:33.880
Stop doing that.

484
00:21:35.360 --> 00:21:37.000
First of all, I'm gonna tell all of you guys

485
00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:39.580
that are watching right now live and in replay,

486
00:21:39.580 --> 00:21:43.400
I'm 50 years old and I'm a smoke show, okay?

487
00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:44.560
I'm hot.

488
00:21:44.560 --> 00:21:47.640
And so if you think that 50-year-old women can't look good,

489
00:21:47.640 --> 00:21:52.640
all of you guys that are 53, 54, 57, 60 years old,

490
00:21:53.280 --> 00:21:55.000
even some of you 45-year-olds,

491
00:21:55.040 --> 00:21:57.080
you can even date a woman who's older than you.

492
00:21:57.080 --> 00:21:58.040
Oh, what?

493
00:21:58.040 --> 00:22:00.280
Yes, you can, all right?

494
00:22:00.280 --> 00:22:03.680
Gen X is out here aging like fine wine.

495
00:22:04.840 --> 00:22:08.320
So stop idolizing youth.

496
00:22:08.320 --> 00:22:10.200
It's important.

497
00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:13.360
There's so many beautiful, amazing women in this community

498
00:22:13.360 --> 00:22:18.360
that are over 40 years old and they're incredible, okay?

499
00:22:18.840 --> 00:22:20.800
All the way from 40 into their 60s.

500
00:22:20.800 --> 00:22:23.600
There's some women in this community

501
00:22:23.600 --> 00:22:26.800
that they're like, I'm 65 years old, Jackie.

502
00:22:26.800 --> 00:22:28.680
You're lying.

503
00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:30.020
You're lying.

504
00:22:30.020 --> 00:22:31.200
There's no way.

505
00:22:31.200 --> 00:22:32.600
And it's not because, you know,

506
00:22:32.600 --> 00:22:36.080
they had their ears taken off and sewn back.

507
00:22:36.080 --> 00:22:39.000
And, you know, it's not because of that.

508
00:22:39.000 --> 00:22:40.800
It's because they just look amazing.

509
00:22:40.800 --> 00:22:44.600
They've taken care of themselves and they look great.

510
00:22:44.600 --> 00:22:47.600
And so, and they're super active.

511
00:22:47.600 --> 00:22:50.120
It's not just that they look great, they feel great.

512
00:22:50.120 --> 00:22:51.280
They're like the Energizer bunny.

513
00:22:51.280 --> 00:22:53.720
They're running circles around people half their age.

514
00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:57.360
So please stop making, you know,

515
00:22:57.360 --> 00:23:00.960
stop idolizing youth when it comes to trying

516
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:03.600
to pick a romantic partner.

517
00:23:03.600 --> 00:23:04.640
Stop doing it.

518
00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:07.960
Okay, ears taken back and so, taken off, you guys.

519
00:23:07.960 --> 00:23:10.560
Taken off and sewn back on.

520
00:23:10.560 --> 00:23:11.400
All right.

521
00:23:17.640 --> 00:23:18.560
All right.

522
00:23:19.560 --> 00:23:22.480
We're going to jump in the love seat, you guys.

523
00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:29.920
Holy Spirit must have wanted to say all that stuff

524
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:31.880
because I had no intention.

525
00:23:31.880 --> 00:23:33.480
No, no intention.

526
00:23:33.480 --> 00:23:35.060
I'm pulling for you guys.

527
00:23:37.080 --> 00:23:40.760
If God does, if God, you're not gunning for it,

528
00:23:40.760 --> 00:23:41.800
you're not looking for it,

529
00:23:41.800 --> 00:23:46.800
but if God puts you in a large age difference relationship,

530
00:23:47.640 --> 00:23:51.240
anything over 10 years, 10 to 15 years or more,

531
00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:53.440
and he puts you there,

532
00:23:53.440 --> 00:23:56.760
just know that you're going to have some unique struggles.

533
00:23:57.680 --> 00:23:58.520
If God put you there,

534
00:23:58.520 --> 00:24:00.720
you'll be able to overcome those things.

535
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:01.840
Because I said it on the interview

536
00:24:01.840 --> 00:24:02.680
and I'm going to say it again.

537
00:24:02.680 --> 00:24:07.240
95% of relationships that have anywhere

538
00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:10.360
over a 10 year age difference to 15 or 15,

539
00:24:10.360 --> 00:24:14.840
15 year age difference, all 95% of them,

540
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:17.200
those marriages end between three and five years.

541
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:20.000
Those relationships end between three and five years.

542
00:24:21.120 --> 00:24:24.680
95%, you guys, that's a big number.

543
00:24:26.600 --> 00:24:28.440
So important for you to understand.

544
00:24:28.440 --> 00:24:30.600
And the reason why is because a lot of really,

545
00:24:30.600 --> 00:24:34.120
really unique issues in those types of relationships.

546
00:24:35.080 --> 00:24:36.620
Okay. All right.

547
00:24:36.620 --> 00:24:39.120
Let's jump in the love seat together.

548
00:24:39.120 --> 00:24:41.040
I have a few people who have signed up.

549
00:24:41.040 --> 00:24:42.620
If you're new here and you want to sign up

550
00:24:42.620 --> 00:24:43.460
for the love seat,

551
00:24:43.460 --> 00:24:45.540
all you have to do is let, you know,

552
00:24:45.540 --> 00:24:47.500
the love seats on the calendar.

553
00:24:47.500 --> 00:24:50.100
And right before love seats happens,

554
00:24:50.100 --> 00:24:52.100
really all throughout the month,

555
00:24:52.100 --> 00:24:53.980
if you have some unique issues

556
00:24:53.980 --> 00:24:57.120
and you're asking your coaches in your community,

557
00:24:57.120 --> 00:24:58.180
what you should do about it.

558
00:24:58.180 --> 00:24:59.580
Sometimes your coach will say, you know,

559
00:24:59.580 --> 00:25:00.420
that's a good.

560
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.320
question for love seats. I can give you my advice, but I'd love for you to get Jackie's advice in

561
00:25:04.320 --> 00:25:07.760
the love seat. And that's how you get in the love seat. And then also you can just volunteer. You

562
00:25:07.760 --> 00:25:11.600
can volunteer as tribute. I want to be in the love seat. And then you can tell, you know,

563
00:25:11.600 --> 00:25:16.000
you can post in your group, you're in your community. Hey, I'd like to be in the love seat.

564
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.880
They used to put up a post asking if people wanted to be in the love seat. I don't know

565
00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:24.560
if they still do that or not, but that is how you can get in the love seat. Okay. All right.

566
00:25:25.360 --> 00:25:32.720
Cool. All right. Here are the people that want to get in the love seat tonight. And then we'll

567
00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:38.640
take any questions from the people that are just here. Got 126 people here live. I'm sure we can

568
00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:43.360
get some good questions going. Now, if you do get in the love seat, I need you to give me the

569
00:25:43.360 --> 00:25:47.360
rundown of your question. I need you to get your question really fast. I can't have five minutes

570
00:25:47.360 --> 00:25:53.200
of backstory. Just give me the facts, only the facts, please. And do it in 120 seconds or less.

571
00:25:53.760 --> 00:25:59.120
And I have read your synopsis already. So I'm kind of already briefed on what the issue is.

572
00:25:59.120 --> 00:26:05.520
So Simone, are you here? Simone? You got Simone in the house?

573
00:26:08.800 --> 00:26:10.480
I do not see her. Are you here?

574
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:17.040
Okay. Kristen Mitchell. Are you here?

575
00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:24.400
Yes, I'm here. All right. Kristen, iPhone. I see you. All right.

576
00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:38.880
Okay. It's me and you. Okay. Okay. So I heard that you are engaged. I am. When did this happen?

577
00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:43.600
I have no pictures of you. What happened? When? I did not post any pictures yet. It

578
00:26:44.320 --> 00:26:53.040
happened about three weeks ago. Okay. I joined in January of 2024 and did the heartwork and then

579
00:26:53.040 --> 00:26:58.960
kind of put myself out there on Facebook dating and also was kind of thinking, all right,

580
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:03.840
we'll try something different, like maybe out of the box, someone I wouldn't normally go for.

581
00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:11.360
So I dated a widower and we've dated this whole year. He's a year younger than me.

582
00:27:12.320 --> 00:27:18.880
I was married for 30 years and divorced for four. And now I have three adult children now and a

583
00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:28.160
grandbaby. So my question is, since I've gotten engaged now, my daughter is not thrilled with him.

584
00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:36.640
She never really liked him from the beginning, even his profile picture. He rides a Harley,

585
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:42.320
has a beard. He's the hunter Fisher, you know, kind of outdoorsy kind of guy. And she's like,

586
00:27:42.320 --> 00:27:48.480
mom, that's not for you. But I'm like, you know, it's good to think outside the box and maybe not

587
00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:54.000
always go for someone that is always, let me ask you this. What do you, what, so you say he's a

588
00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:58.960
three Ms. He's masculine. He's mature. He's marriage minded. Does he, is he have a life of

589
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:05.840
faith? He does. Okay. So, you know, and are you attracted to him? Yes. Okay. And you've dated for

590
00:28:05.840 --> 00:28:12.160
a whole year. Yes. Okay. So pay attention to that friend. She came in, in January 24 and by January

591
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:17.120
25, 12 months later, she was in a marriage minded relationship and now she's engaged and she got

592
00:28:17.120 --> 00:28:22.320
engaged three weeks ago. Daughter's not on board, but also you and daughter have been really

593
00:28:22.320 --> 00:28:26.960
codependent and tied at the hip since you're, since, you know, you got divorced or widowed

594
00:28:28.560 --> 00:28:33.280
divorce. Okay. And you've only been divorced for four years. What's her relationship with her dad?

595
00:28:34.080 --> 00:28:39.280
I have no contact with him and she doesn't either. Okay. So she has no dad in her life right now.

596
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:45.360
That's correct. She has a grandpa and an uncle and she's married, but her dad is not in her life.

597
00:28:45.360 --> 00:28:50.400
Okay. So number one, you guys want you to pay attention to this. Um, she has daddy issues.

598
00:28:51.600 --> 00:28:57.200
Okay. Even if she has uncle and grandpa, she has daddy issues and that's what this guy would be.

599
00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:03.360
Okay. This is what, this is the position that he's applying for is to be your husband and your

600
00:29:03.360 --> 00:29:08.560
husband, essentially in most people's minds is some kind of parental figure to your children.

601
00:29:08.560 --> 00:29:14.400
I know they're grown up. It doesn't matter. Okay. So she's projecting all of the angst that she has

602
00:29:14.400 --> 00:29:20.160
about dad onto this guy first and foremost. Okay. So she's picking him apart. She's finding things

603
00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:26.000
wrong with him, all the things she's scared of losing you. Okay. Because you've, she's had your

604
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:31.760
undivided attention and now, you know, you're falling in love. You've been dating him for a

605
00:29:31.760 --> 00:29:36.080
year. She probably thought that it would, you know, phase out, but it didn't you're together.

606
00:29:36.080 --> 00:29:41.040
And now you're getting married and you're going forward. Um, she probably didn't start actually

607
00:29:41.040 --> 00:29:45.360
voicing a lot of concern until, you know, you had been with him for a while and things didn't look

608
00:29:45.360 --> 00:29:49.120
like they were going away. Like you're going to get, you're getting more and more serious and

609
00:29:49.120 --> 00:29:56.560
now she's getting more and more upset. Right. So true. How, how has he tried? How has he tried?

610
00:29:56.560 --> 00:29:59.840
How does he feel about her and how has he tried to win her?

611
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:09.680
over. So he's really tried to reach out to her and to the family. He hosted Thanksgiving.

612
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:16.520
He's taken my parents and her boating. He has a boat, done some things like that. But

613
00:30:16.520 --> 00:30:23.240
she has seen some things I think that other family members have seen too. And so since

614
00:30:23.240 --> 00:30:29.220
the engagement, my parents have also then voiced some concerns and this has gotten him

615
00:30:29.220 --> 00:30:35.620
kind of upset because he's like, you know, your parents were all on board. And then,

616
00:30:35.620 --> 00:30:39.680
you know, now they're not. And so tell me what, tell me what, what is everyone noticing

617
00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:47.100
about him? So the things that they've complained about are that he can talk a lot in conversations,

618
00:30:47.100 --> 00:30:56.220
kind of dominate conversations at times. He's brought up a couple things about like, say

619
00:30:56.220 --> 00:31:00.100
insurance, maybe you should try something this way or try something to the kids. They

620
00:31:00.100 --> 00:31:06.300
don't want to hear any of that, you know? And so is that his field insurance? He, it

621
00:31:06.300 --> 00:31:12.260
was. Okay. So he's trying to give them advice on their insurance. Yeah. He did that one

622
00:31:12.260 --> 00:31:19.220
time. Also the other complaint that my parents, I know. Right. So, well, so one of the complaints

623
00:31:19.220 --> 00:31:26.140
my parents noticed is that he can be critical of me and in front of them. So like, so tell

624
00:31:26.140 --> 00:31:29.980
us about that. That seems to be the yellow flag. None of this other stuff is yellow flags

625
00:31:29.980 --> 00:31:35.340
for me. What is that? So like I made a pie one time and he's bringing it up. You should

626
00:31:35.340 --> 00:31:41.140
put the pie in longer. You know, the pie's not done yet. And they're very sensitive to

627
00:31:41.140 --> 00:31:48.140
the fact that he would criticize me because they saw me in an abusive situation. And I

628
00:31:48.140 --> 00:31:57.460
was married for 30 years. Okay. And so what else we got? Uh, that's about it. Let me ask

629
00:31:57.460 --> 00:32:03.500
you something. Is this a thing that we're calling criticism? Like him telling you that

630
00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:09.900
there's a different way to do it or a better way to do it? Yes. That's what he's telling

631
00:32:09.900 --> 00:32:15.740
me is that I'm not criticizing you. He's like, even if you feel like it is, I want you to

632
00:32:15.740 --> 00:32:21.980
know that I'm just trying to like help you. But does he ever compliment you or praise

633
00:32:21.980 --> 00:32:31.180
you? Yes. Okay. Do they see that? Um, not as much, I think, you know, it, it'll give

634
00:32:31.180 --> 00:32:37.420
us some instances of, um, give us some instances. Do you ever do anything right? That he's like,

635
00:32:37.420 --> 00:32:42.060
you know, doesn't say anything about, doesn't give his two cents about, no, usually he'll

636
00:32:42.060 --> 00:32:50.620
say that's great. Yeah. So these are one-offs. And the reason why I have a hard time with

637
00:32:50.620 --> 00:32:56.220
this is because my husband, um, he can talk the hind leg off a mule. First of all, him

638
00:32:56.220 --> 00:33:01.660
and his father, both, you know, they don't have a lot of, you know, awareness of how

639
00:33:01.660 --> 00:33:05.020
much they're talking. Cause they know a lot of things. They have a lot of stories and

640
00:33:05.020 --> 00:33:09.500
they want to share. And then secondly, my husband, there is a right way to do something.

641
00:33:09.500 --> 00:33:16.460
He was only child raised by a very homemaking mother. And so I D you know, I load the dishwasher

642
00:33:16.460 --> 00:33:21.740
wrong. I make the bed wrong. I do like, he's not, he loves me. He's literally like, you're

643
00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:25.100
beautiful. You're amazing. You're one, if you're so smart, you're so, and you're so wise, you're

644
00:33:25.100 --> 00:33:29.980
this, you're that. But like when it comes to stuff like this, he's like, babe, that's not the way.

645
00:33:31.340 --> 00:33:38.300
So, yeah. And he does that with me too. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So anyhow, I just felt like

646
00:33:38.300 --> 00:33:43.260
I wanted to talk to you about it because am I seeing something, you know, coming out of an

647
00:33:43.260 --> 00:33:49.260
abusive relationship and I love my daughter so much and I love my parents so much and I've been

648
00:33:49.260 --> 00:33:55.420
so close to them. And I want them to be happy for me and their concern for me.

649
00:33:56.540 --> 00:34:01.820
I mean, you know, you're telling me you've been in an abusive relationship. So, and hopefully

650
00:34:01.820 --> 00:34:05.980
through the hard work, you're not an enabler and you're not ignoring things that you shouldn't

651
00:34:05.980 --> 00:34:12.699
ignore, but going off what you're saying right now, it sounds like, you know, they're looking

652
00:34:12.699 --> 00:34:18.860
for faults with him, you know? Was the pie underdone? Did the pie need to go back in the

653
00:34:18.860 --> 00:34:27.900
oven? Did it need to be cooked longer? My mom was like, no, it didn't need to be, but I don't know.

654
00:34:27.900 --> 00:34:33.179
It was one of those things, you know, that I look back and, but I wanted to get your advice on this

655
00:34:33.179 --> 00:34:39.659
because I've, I've really been struggling with it because I'm like, Lord, I just want what you want.

656
00:34:39.659 --> 00:34:46.460
He wants what you want. We both want what God wants. And if this is not what he wants for us,

657
00:34:46.460 --> 00:34:50.139
then I'm willing to let it go. Well, here's the thing. The thing is, is that you haven't

658
00:34:50.139 --> 00:34:54.940
been dating him for, you know, uh, 10 weeks. You've been dating him for over 10 months.

659
00:34:54.940 --> 00:34:59.580
You've been dating him for a year, longer than a year, and now you're engaged. And so,

660
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.120
Um, if you're, you know, not telling us that you feel unsafe, if you're telling us that

661
00:35:07.120 --> 00:35:13.200
you feel seen and loved and heard, um, and your family is just kind of freaking out.

662
00:35:13.200 --> 00:35:16.280
Cause you know, your parents are older, obviously they want you to be safe.

663
00:35:16.280 --> 00:35:17.440
They already saw you suffer.

664
00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:19.120
They don't want you to go through that again.

665
00:35:19.120 --> 00:35:25.360
And also just like your daughter, they don't want you being pulled away from them and not,

666
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:29.000
you know, not being able to have your help or your attention or any of those things,

667
00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:31.240
guys, I want you to hear this.

668
00:35:31.240 --> 00:35:35.440
I know we want our families to be happy for us, our closest friends to be happy for us,

669
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:38.920
but it's not always a red flag when they're not.

670
00:35:38.920 --> 00:35:43.560
Because if we have been people pleasers, if we have over served people, if we've dedicated

671
00:35:43.560 --> 00:35:50.080
our entire lives, our single lives as a single to serving our families and serving our children

672
00:35:50.080 --> 00:35:52.360
and all these people, guess what?

673
00:35:52.360 --> 00:35:55.420
They don't want to lose that.

674
00:35:55.420 --> 00:35:56.420
They don't.

675
00:35:56.420 --> 00:36:00.740
They don't want to get fearful because they're like, Oh, what does this new life look like?

676
00:36:00.740 --> 00:36:05.260
Now that that this person is not going to be fully focused on doing what we need them

677
00:36:05.260 --> 00:36:06.260
to do.

678
00:36:06.260 --> 00:36:07.260
Right.

679
00:36:07.260 --> 00:36:08.260
Okay.

680
00:36:08.260 --> 00:36:12.820
And so if he, you have dated him for over a year now and you have, you know, and you

681
00:36:12.820 --> 00:36:19.420
feel happy and safe and in love and you don't feel like he's over criticizing, you do feel

682
00:36:19.420 --> 00:36:21.320
like he's being led of the spirit.

683
00:36:21.320 --> 00:36:22.940
You do feel like he loves you.

684
00:36:22.940 --> 00:36:27.160
And that, you know, when he does say something, it's just like constructive.

685
00:36:27.160 --> 00:36:32.340
It's not, you know, like you can never do anything, right.

686
00:36:32.340 --> 00:36:33.340
That's definitely a flag.

687
00:36:33.340 --> 00:36:39.100
If someone's always, you know, telling you that everything that you're doing is wrong.

688
00:36:39.100 --> 00:36:43.540
But based on what you're telling me, I think that people are triggered.

689
00:36:43.540 --> 00:36:44.540
They're afraid.

690
00:36:44.540 --> 00:36:49.020
I think that, you know, as you guys continue to move forward and people come to peace with,

691
00:36:49.020 --> 00:36:50.020
Hey, it can't be changed.

692
00:36:50.020 --> 00:36:51.220
They're not going to stop you.

693
00:36:51.220 --> 00:36:55.020
They're not going to keep you from doing it that they'll begin to settle down.

694
00:36:55.020 --> 00:36:56.020
Okay.

695
00:36:56.020 --> 00:36:57.020
Thank you, Jackie.

696
00:36:57.020 --> 00:37:01.780
I really appreciate you and your ministry and shout out to Renee Rizzo too.

697
00:37:01.780 --> 00:37:02.780
Yes.

698
00:37:02.780 --> 00:37:03.780
Awesome.

699
00:37:03.780 --> 00:37:04.780
I don't know if she's here tonight.

700
00:37:04.780 --> 00:37:05.780
Yes.

701
00:37:05.780 --> 00:37:12.100
You know, Renee is in a relationship now, you guys, she's in a very marriage minded relationship.

702
00:37:12.100 --> 00:37:16.140
So once again, what you help make happen for others, God will make happen for you.

703
00:37:16.140 --> 00:37:19.540
For those of you that are brand new, Renee used to be one of our coaches.

704
00:37:19.540 --> 00:37:23.180
You probably saw her in phase two teaching online dating.

705
00:37:23.180 --> 00:37:28.580
And so, um, but she's also was a student, not just a coach and she is having success.

706
00:37:28.580 --> 00:37:31.100
You guys, if you work it, it works all right.

707
00:37:31.100 --> 00:37:35.980
It may not just take a year for some of you, some of you like, like our sister right here,

708
00:37:35.980 --> 00:37:40.020
you know, she has been, you know, connected, but dating this guy for over a year, she's

709
00:37:40.020 --> 00:37:41.020
just now getting engaged.

710
00:37:41.020 --> 00:37:43.700
Um, I'd also love to see a picture of you guys together.

711
00:37:43.700 --> 00:37:48.680
I can see a lot of dynamics and I would love to see you guys in Simba's okay.

712
00:37:48.680 --> 00:37:52.600
That will allow us to get a really close view of the two of you together as well.

713
00:37:52.600 --> 00:37:56.760
Um, but based on everything that you've said to me, I don't see anything red.

714
00:37:56.760 --> 00:37:57.760
Thank you, Jackie.

715
00:37:57.760 --> 00:37:58.760
So much.

716
00:37:58.760 --> 00:37:59.760
Yes.

717
00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:00.760
Have grace for these people.

718
00:38:00.760 --> 00:38:01.760
They love you.

719
00:38:01.760 --> 00:38:04.160
They're just trying to protect their interests and yours.

720
00:38:04.160 --> 00:38:05.560
They don't want to lose you.

721
00:38:05.560 --> 00:38:06.560
I love them.

722
00:38:06.560 --> 00:38:07.760
So I know you do.

723
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:08.760
I know you do.

724
00:38:08.760 --> 00:38:09.760
And you're not going to lose them.

725
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:10.760
Okay.

726
00:38:10.760 --> 00:38:11.760
Um, they're not losing you.

727
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:14.000
They're just gaining someone who can love them as well.

728
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:15.780
And you deserve, you matter too.

729
00:38:15.780 --> 00:38:17.240
You deserve to be happy too.

730
00:38:17.240 --> 00:38:18.240
Yeah.

731
00:38:18.800 --> 00:38:19.800
All right.

732
00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:20.800
Thank you so much.

733
00:38:20.800 --> 00:38:21.800
You're welcome.

734
00:38:21.800 --> 00:38:22.800
Okay.

735
00:38:22.800 --> 00:38:23.800
I'll remove the spotlight.

736
00:38:23.800 --> 00:38:24.800
Okay.

737
00:38:24.800 --> 00:38:25.800
All right.

738
00:38:25.800 --> 00:38:26.800
We're back in the gallery.

739
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:27.800
That was a really good one.

740
00:38:27.800 --> 00:38:30.200
Um, is Simone here now?

741
00:38:30.200 --> 00:38:32.480
Does she come?

742
00:38:32.480 --> 00:38:33.480
Okay.

743
00:38:33.480 --> 00:38:34.480
I don't see her.

744
00:38:34.480 --> 00:38:36.720
Uh, Lori Jean, are you here?

745
00:38:36.720 --> 00:38:40.200
I don't see Lori Jean.

746
00:38:40.200 --> 00:38:41.200
Hi Jackie.

747
00:38:41.200 --> 00:38:42.200
Can you hear me?

748
00:38:42.200 --> 00:38:43.200
Yeah.

749
00:38:43.200 --> 00:38:44.200
Are you here?

750
00:38:44.200 --> 00:38:45.200
Is you Lori?

751
00:38:45.200 --> 00:38:46.200
Yeah.

752
00:38:46.200 --> 00:38:47.200
Yep.

753
00:38:47.200 --> 00:38:48.200
Right here.

754
00:38:48.200 --> 00:38:49.200
Okay.

755
00:38:49.200 --> 00:38:50.200
Keep talking.

756
00:38:50.200 --> 00:38:51.960
Just unmute yourself and talk till I find you.

757
00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:52.960
Okay, cool.

758
00:38:52.960 --> 00:38:55.240
Well, I just wanted to say, I am so grateful to have found you.

759
00:38:55.240 --> 00:38:56.240
I got to take these off.

760
00:38:56.240 --> 00:38:57.240
I can't talk.

761
00:38:57.240 --> 00:39:00.520
I have found you because it's really been life changing for me.

762
00:39:00.520 --> 00:39:04.720
Um, I feel like I was somebody that was kind of in that coma that you talk about and the

763
00:39:04.720 --> 00:39:11.800
challenges were kind of hiding away in life and, um, you know, kind of happy with my grown

764
00:39:11.800 --> 00:39:15.240
kids and, and those kinds of things, but not, but you know, just didn't think anything else

765
00:39:15.240 --> 00:39:18.000
was going to happen for me again in my life.

766
00:39:18.800 --> 00:39:23.160
And, um, I just felt like new, a new freedom and a new hope after you said that the desire

767
00:39:23.160 --> 00:39:29.040
in my heart for a marriage that was God given, because I did believe that and, um, took some

768
00:39:29.040 --> 00:39:31.320
steps into following some of the things that you said.

769
00:39:31.320 --> 00:39:35.880
And, and when you, when you said this about now is the time, the season has changed.

770
00:39:35.880 --> 00:39:37.840
The bondage of your bear in winter has ended.

771
00:39:37.840 --> 00:39:39.840
The season of hiding is over and gone.

772
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:45.240
I just grasped, grabbed onto that and I started to expectedly prepare.

773
00:39:45.240 --> 00:39:46.240
That's awesome.

774
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:51.520
And so, um, I decided to get rid of the little bit of upholstery I had on to kind of keep

775
00:39:51.520 --> 00:39:56.640
everybody away and take a chance on working out again.

776
00:39:56.640 --> 00:40:00.040
I got a trainer, I got a nutritionist, no longer diabetic, no longer.

777
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.800
under high blood pressure. That's awesome. Just started

778
00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:05.960
pursuing really happy things that I found joy and I wanted to

779
00:40:05.960 --> 00:40:09.960
find the joy and I love it. So thank you for that. Because some

780
00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:13.360
of your words just sparked me back to life and God opened my

781
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:17.360
eyes and took away that coma. And so anyways, I decided well,

782
00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:19.240
one of the things I do is get off this Christian mingle

783
00:40:19.240 --> 00:40:21.800
because I just saw nothing on there anyways, probably because

784
00:40:21.800 --> 00:40:26.360
of my mindset. And, and before I did that, though, I just prayed

785
00:40:26.360 --> 00:40:28.920
out to God that you know, this is a desire in my heart. And if

786
00:40:28.920 --> 00:40:31.960
it is your from you, please, you know, this is what I would

787
00:40:31.960 --> 00:40:34.120
look for in a man if you think that's what I should have. And

788
00:40:34.120 --> 00:40:35.720
if you don't, if I'm not supposed to have this desire,

789
00:40:35.720 --> 00:40:39.240
take it away. I was just done. I was one of the story that God

790
00:40:39.240 --> 00:40:43.040
has for me. Absolutely. So I went on to get rid of my

791
00:40:43.040 --> 00:40:47.200
Christian mingle. And all of a sudden I felt and I only wanted

792
00:40:47.200 --> 00:40:49.960
a Southern California guy because I like the surf. I like

793
00:40:50.040 --> 00:40:55.440
water. I like all that. He said, tap tap Holy Spirit. He may not

794
00:40:55.440 --> 00:41:02.880
be in Southern California, girl. What? Yeah. And but my son had

795
00:41:02.880 --> 00:41:05.160
moved away to Northern California. So I thought, okay,

796
00:41:05.160 --> 00:41:09.760
I'll open it to Northern California. And this is scary.

797
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:12.640
But all of a sudden, I just saw this profile and it was ting and

798
00:41:12.640 --> 00:41:15.880
it was like everything that I prayed about. So I just liked

799
00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:20.440
the profile. And the next day he messaged me and we just all the

800
00:41:20.440 --> 00:41:22.680
conversations I had had on there. So I didn't shut off

801
00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:25.320
Christian mingle, but we just hit it off and everything just

802
00:41:25.320 --> 00:41:29.560
kind of was so exciting. And so and anyway, I don't know where

803
00:41:29.560 --> 00:41:33.360
I'm going with all this, but so now it's a year and a half. So

804
00:41:33.360 --> 00:41:36.080
okay, so you guys have been dating for a year and a half.

805
00:41:36.160 --> 00:41:40.080
Yes. Okay. And how long and how many hours away are you and

806
00:41:40.080 --> 00:41:44.840
Southern and he's in Northern six hours. Okay. And how long

807
00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:47.560
has it been exclusive, like serious dating of the year?

808
00:41:48.040 --> 00:41:50.360
Pretty much the beginning because I wasn't in your dating

809
00:41:50.360 --> 00:41:54.080
advice yet. And he said that on the first date that, you know,

810
00:41:54.080 --> 00:41:56.600
he likes to just date one person at a time or whatever.

811
00:41:56.920 --> 00:41:59.320
You guys kind of rushed in got serious, but it's a year and a

812
00:41:59.320 --> 00:42:02.880
half now. And we're not getting any younger. So where's this

813
00:42:02.880 --> 00:42:09.120
going? So that's what I'm wondering. Because, um, yeah,

814
00:42:09.120 --> 00:42:12.080
things did go really well. And it was really great for both of

815
00:42:12.080 --> 00:42:16.160
us. But he was and I also asked for a man who knew how to love

816
00:42:16.160 --> 00:42:19.000
a wife. And he definitely did. He was married for 30 years and

817
00:42:19.000 --> 00:42:24.000
lost his wife. And that's been four years ago. And so, um, and

818
00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:27.880
then he has a son that has a lot of health issues. And, um, so,

819
00:42:27.880 --> 00:42:30.080
but we are really grateful. And it's been a great relationship.

820
00:42:30.080 --> 00:42:33.320
He's respected the boundaries that you set up in dating for

821
00:42:33.320 --> 00:42:36.760
waiting for each other. But you know, um, I've been married

822
00:42:36.760 --> 00:42:38.800
before and it's getting old. I might I have.

823
00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:42.160
Okay, so have you had this? Have you had this conversation with

824
00:42:42.160 --> 00:42:44.800
him? Yeah, I agree with you. A year and a half is way too long

825
00:42:45.120 --> 00:42:48.840
to not know that this is headed to marriage. It's not way too

826
00:42:48.840 --> 00:42:51.360
long to not be married. You guys, some people are going to

827
00:42:51.360 --> 00:42:53.880
have situations where you're not married in a year or less,

828
00:42:53.880 --> 00:42:57.600
that's fine. But you need to know, like, you're not even

829
00:42:57.600 --> 00:43:00.520
engaged, like, we're like, have you had this conversation? Like,

830
00:43:00.520 --> 00:43:00.960
do you want to

831
00:43:00.960 --> 00:43:03.720
run it up in May, five months after we started dating? And so

832
00:43:03.720 --> 00:43:06.240
okay, he wanted to marry me, I felt the same way. We were

833
00:43:06.240 --> 00:43:08.680
really excited. He wants to look at houses and where we'd want to

834
00:43:08.680 --> 00:43:11.360
move. We know we're looking at where we're going to hire all

835
00:43:11.360 --> 00:43:15.200
these talks and talks and talks. Okay. He asked about proposing

836
00:43:15.200 --> 00:43:17.200
if it should be a surprise, whatever. So we, you know, I

837
00:43:17.200 --> 00:43:19.960
said, just surprise me, whatever. Well, then October,

838
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:22.440
you know, he hadn't, and we were still talking like that. And so

839
00:43:22.440 --> 00:43:25.120
I found every fun thing we did, I felt disappointed after. And

840
00:43:25.120 --> 00:43:27.880
so I wanted to tell him that. Because Oh, my gosh, he's

841
00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:31.680
playing. Did you tell him that I did? And then what he just said,

842
00:43:31.720 --> 00:43:34.800
I know. And I wanted to because I just feel like I'm kind of

843
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:36.800
walking through mud or something's holding me back. I

844
00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:39.960
don't really know what it is. Okay, things I have to do. I've

845
00:43:39.960 --> 00:43:43.560
got my house. It's all it looks like his wife is still actually

846
00:43:43.560 --> 00:43:47.120
living there because he's a guy and he had a six son. And so he

847
00:43:47.120 --> 00:43:49.640
never really fixed up the house. I mean, it's really nice

848
00:43:49.640 --> 00:43:52.920
house, but you know, so okay, stuff in his head. Okay, so that

849
00:43:52.920 --> 00:43:56.080
was October. And now November, December, January, February,

850
00:43:56.080 --> 00:43:59.520
March, April, May, there's seven months later. Yeah. Okay. So I

851
00:43:59.520 --> 00:44:02.200
talked to Carla, because now I got into this, because that's I

852
00:44:02.200 --> 00:44:04.520
said, Okay, this is enough. I need to know. Am I getting

853
00:44:04.520 --> 00:44:08.960
panicked? Is it just me with my issues? Or is it? And so I talked

854
00:44:08.960 --> 00:44:12.360
to Carla, I met with her. And she was valid, you should ask

855
00:44:12.360 --> 00:44:14.720
him because I told him to stop talking about it. Yes,

856
00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:18.160
absolutely. Stop talking about it. No talk action only. And

857
00:44:18.160 --> 00:44:19.520
then what did he say when you told him?

858
00:44:20.440 --> 00:44:22.880
So I stopped talking about it. And then it was my birthday was

859
00:44:22.880 --> 00:44:25.400
coming up. He planned a special birthday. And so he comes in.

860
00:44:25.800 --> 00:44:28.040
And we're and she goes, You don't tell me you want to like

861
00:44:28.080 --> 00:44:30.040
don't don't give me the ultimatum. Don't just say, Oh,

862
00:44:30.040 --> 00:44:32.560
we have to talk. She goes, just pray and ask for God for a time

863
00:44:32.560 --> 00:44:34.920
to bring it up lightly and kind of in a fun way. So we're

864
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:37.080
having dinner. And he's like, Oh, my gosh, where should we go

865
00:44:37.080 --> 00:44:42.280
for our next vacation? And I'm like, a honeymoon. I just felt

866
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:45.960
I just felt the Holy Spirit saying that. And that's when he

867
00:44:45.960 --> 00:44:49.840
said, Well, I decided that I don't know if I can commit to

868
00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:53.160
that right now. Because my son is not doing well. And he's not

869
00:44:53.240 --> 00:44:57.160
he's getting worse suddenly. And his father in law,

870
00:44:57.200 --> 00:44:59.000
what do you mean he's getting worse? What's wrong with his

871
00:44:59.000 --> 00:45:00.040
son? Does his son live with

872
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.300
him? Yeah, he's has this very serious illness. And it started

873
00:45:04.300 --> 00:45:07.520
when his mom died. And then he was really bad. And then he got

874
00:45:07.520 --> 00:45:10.800
better. He's been better, better, better. And now since

875
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:12.800
last September, he's been seriously declining. And now

876
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:16.180
it's getting pretty serious. And he just said, you know, before

877
00:45:16.180 --> 00:45:18.820
when he first got this, you've met, you've met his son, you've

878
00:45:18.820 --> 00:45:22.020
seen him. I love his son. His son loves me. Okay. All of our

879
00:45:22.020 --> 00:45:25.160
kids have got great relationship needs or something or what?

880
00:45:25.160 --> 00:45:28.100
What's going on? I hate to say too much because I'm being

881
00:45:28.100 --> 00:45:31.980
recorded, but he's like, he has Crohn's disease. I mean, no one's

882
00:45:31.980 --> 00:45:35.700
gonna see this. Okay, I know. I just did. Yeah. Okay. Anyway,

883
00:45:35.700 --> 00:45:38.740
he has Crohn's disease. And so he's not getting better. And

884
00:45:38.740 --> 00:45:42.640
he's declining. Okay, so that's an autoimmune situation. So

885
00:45:42.660 --> 00:45:45.740
sometimes drugs stop working. When you have that kind of

886
00:45:45.740 --> 00:45:48.020
stuff, like they'll work, and then you'll be in remission, and

887
00:45:48.020 --> 00:45:52.140
then they'll not work and then all the things. So okay, so he's

888
00:45:52.140 --> 00:45:55.800
going through a hard time with his son. And you're having

889
00:45:55.800 --> 00:45:58.120
compassion. You're like, well, that makes sense. You know,

890
00:45:58.120 --> 00:46:02.680
your son's not doing well. But you said this was this was you

891
00:46:02.680 --> 00:46:05.600
guys, this is gonna sound harsh, but I'm gonna I have to I have

892
00:46:05.600 --> 00:46:09.680
to help Lori get out of her own way here. His son just recently

893
00:46:09.680 --> 00:46:12.200
started declining. So he was stable.

894
00:46:13.120 --> 00:46:16.400
Yeah, so September, he started not being able to go to his

895
00:46:16.400 --> 00:46:19.760
youth, his singles group at church, not being able to play

896
00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:22.080
volleyball and not being able to sometimes not able to go to

897
00:46:22.080 --> 00:46:27.440
church. The pain is really a silent pain is very big. And so

898
00:46:28.080 --> 00:46:32.600
yeah, so that was my question is, is this so I decided just I

899
00:46:32.600 --> 00:46:36.000
want to show grace and stuff. But but part of it in the

900
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:39.280
conversation that we had after we got back was, I said, you

901
00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:43.240
know, I'm a helper. And I'm an encourager. And Jake loves me.

902
00:46:43.280 --> 00:46:46.320
I've got really good I go, I would like to be helpful and

903
00:46:46.320 --> 00:46:49.400
enter in I don't really know I'm confused as to why this would be

904
00:46:49.440 --> 00:46:51.800
the end of possibly making a plan together.

905
00:46:53.360 --> 00:46:57.880
Yeah. So like I said, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you what you need

906
00:46:57.880 --> 00:47:02.160
to know. And that is that, you know, this is someone who you

907
00:47:02.160 --> 00:47:06.440
know, the, the making plans and talking about being married and

908
00:47:06.440 --> 00:47:09.960
talking about all of those things, you know, that future

909
00:47:09.960 --> 00:47:15.720
forecasting with no action, it's very detrimental. Okay, it's

910
00:47:15.720 --> 00:47:19.920
also very unhealthy. And, you know, I understand that, you

911
00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:23.160
know, his wife has passed away. Basically, what he's doing, how

912
00:47:23.160 --> 00:47:24.160
often you see each other?

913
00:47:25.400 --> 00:47:26.800
Every two to three weeks.

914
00:47:26.920 --> 00:47:30.640
Okay. So what he's doing is, is that he's fulfilling his need

915
00:47:30.640 --> 00:47:34.000
for companionship with you probably has a lot lesser of a

916
00:47:34.000 --> 00:47:37.040
need for, you know, companionship than you do. So

917
00:47:37.040 --> 00:47:39.840
he's fulfilling that with this relationship. How often do you

918
00:47:39.840 --> 00:47:41.920
guys talk when you're not seeing each other?

919
00:47:42.920 --> 00:47:45.040
Um, five out of seven nights.

920
00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:46.520
Okay, on the phone?

921
00:47:47.720 --> 00:47:48.320
For how long?

922
00:47:48.560 --> 00:47:50.720
Video chat, about an hour.

923
00:47:51.200 --> 00:47:54.920
To video chatting and you know, having relationship and then

924
00:47:54.920 --> 00:47:59.480
you're seeing each other. And, you know, you want to move

925
00:47:59.480 --> 00:48:04.240
forward. You did all the prep work, you have gotten excited,

926
00:48:04.240 --> 00:48:06.960
you're doing you know, you're doing all the things and then

927
00:48:06.960 --> 00:48:10.640
you get in this relationship that has you, you know, on a

928
00:48:10.800 --> 00:48:13.240
merry-go-round, right? You're just going round and round and

929
00:48:13.240 --> 00:48:16.600
round and round and you're not getting anywhere. Okay. And so

930
00:48:16.640 --> 00:48:22.600
you have to be willing to let it go. And I know that's hard, but

931
00:48:22.600 --> 00:48:24.920
you have to be willing to let it go because now it's become what

932
00:48:24.920 --> 00:48:29.880
we call a situation ship. Okay. This man is not marriage minded

933
00:48:29.880 --> 00:48:34.680
right now. And he told you that he told you, I don't know where

934
00:48:34.680 --> 00:48:37.080
I am right now. Before he was always talking about, yeah,

935
00:48:37.080 --> 00:48:39.160
we're gonna get married when he married. That's like anxious

936
00:48:39.200 --> 00:48:43.200
attachment, right? He was excited. You know, he has his

937
00:48:43.200 --> 00:48:46.720
wife has passed away. At that point, she had been passed away

938
00:48:46.720 --> 00:48:51.000
for what, three years, you know, two and a half years, he grabs a

939
00:48:51.000 --> 00:48:54.480
hold of you. He's like, super excited. I want to get married.

940
00:48:54.480 --> 00:48:57.760
I want to marry you all these things. And now what's happening

941
00:48:57.760 --> 00:49:02.120
is that that excitement is starting to give way to, you

942
00:49:02.120 --> 00:49:07.040
know, him being really satisfied with what it is that you guys

943
00:49:07.040 --> 00:49:10.640
have going here. But guess who isn't satisfied? You, you're not

944
00:49:10.640 --> 00:49:14.040
satisfied. You want more and you deserve more. You deserve

945
00:49:14.040 --> 00:49:17.360
someone who's going to commit to you that wants to build a life

946
00:49:17.360 --> 00:49:21.400
with you. Once again, his son being sick, like you said, it's

947
00:49:21.400 --> 00:49:26.600
a stupid excuse because how old's the kid? 28. He doesn't

948
00:49:26.600 --> 00:49:30.840
have a mom. He lives at home. He's sick. He really likes you.

949
00:49:31.040 --> 00:49:33.960
You're the kind of person that could be there and help him, you

950
00:49:33.960 --> 00:49:36.440
know, so it doesn't make any sense that he would be the

951
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:40.960
reason why your boyfriend is pulling back from, you know,

952
00:49:40.960 --> 00:49:44.920
going forward in relationship. The real reason is, is that he's

953
00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:48.440
not really sure he wants to make that level of commitment. He did

954
00:49:48.440 --> 00:49:53.520
not sure if he wants that type of change. And if he's not sure

955
00:49:53.640 --> 00:49:57.840
that he wants marriage, then he doesn't want you because you're

956
00:49:57.840 --> 00:49:59.400
sure that you want marriage.

957
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.280
And so my question to you is Lori, truthfully,

958
00:50:04.280 --> 00:50:09.280
do you have what it takes to let this go?

959
00:50:09.880 --> 00:50:11.080
Yeah.

960
00:50:11.080 --> 00:50:11.920
You do.

961
00:50:11.920 --> 00:50:13.720
And that's where the faith, oh yeah.

962
00:50:13.720 --> 00:50:16.660
Because, and so I've cried and I still feel sad.

963
00:50:16.660 --> 00:50:17.800
I feel some grief,

964
00:50:17.800 --> 00:50:20.640
but I only want the man that God has for me.

965
00:50:20.640 --> 00:50:21.480
Of course you do.

966
00:50:21.480 --> 00:50:23.480
I really don't want to go after something

967
00:50:23.480 --> 00:50:25.120
because I'm attached to it.

968
00:50:25.120 --> 00:50:27.440
You don't want to beg someone to commit.

969
00:50:27.440 --> 00:50:29.240
You're not going to beg someone to commit to you.

970
00:50:29.280 --> 00:50:31.120
No, you're not.

971
00:50:31.120 --> 00:50:34.080
The thing is, is that this relationship is not a loss

972
00:50:34.080 --> 00:50:35.760
because you've learned a lot of things.

973
00:50:35.760 --> 00:50:37.000
You've learned what you want

974
00:50:37.000 --> 00:50:40.000
and what you're not willing to put up with in relationship.

975
00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:40.840
Okay.

976
00:50:40.840 --> 00:50:43.760
And so, you know, it's time to move on.

977
00:50:43.760 --> 00:50:46.080
It's time for you to say, look, you know,

978
00:50:46.080 --> 00:50:47.280
I'm marriage minded.

979
00:50:47.280 --> 00:50:48.280
I want to be married.

980
00:50:48.280 --> 00:50:50.640
We've been together for a year and a half.

981
00:50:50.640 --> 00:50:52.500
You know, you've changed your mind

982
00:50:52.500 --> 00:50:54.440
about the level of commitment that you want.

983
00:50:54.440 --> 00:50:55.580
You used to want marriage.

984
00:50:55.580 --> 00:50:57.280
Now you don't.

985
00:50:57.280 --> 00:51:00.680
I totally respect that you're taking care of your son,

986
00:51:00.680 --> 00:51:02.520
but if you don't want me to marry you

987
00:51:02.520 --> 00:51:04.080
and help you take care of your son,

988
00:51:04.080 --> 00:51:06.960
then, you know, we need to go ahead and part ways.

989
00:51:06.960 --> 00:51:07.800
Yeah.

990
00:51:07.800 --> 00:51:10.240
Because I need to meet someone who's ready to, you know,

991
00:51:10.240 --> 00:51:13.640
be at this level of relationship with me.

992
00:51:13.640 --> 00:51:14.880
Thank you.

993
00:51:14.880 --> 00:51:17.600
I'm on here because that was my MO

994
00:51:17.600 --> 00:51:19.720
when I used to get scared or feel insecure.

995
00:51:19.720 --> 00:51:21.000
I was the anxious attacher,

996
00:51:21.000 --> 00:51:24.080
but I would just dump and run, you know what I mean?

997
00:51:24.080 --> 00:51:26.720
And so this got hard and painful when he said that.

998
00:51:26.720 --> 00:51:29.520
And so I've been refraining from tongue and pen

999
00:51:29.520 --> 00:51:31.720
sitting on my hands, being still.

1000
00:51:31.720 --> 00:51:34.640
Can you tell us what you said after he said

1001
00:51:34.640 --> 00:51:37.440
that he no longer is sure that he wants to be married?

1002
00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:39.600
What did you say to that?

1003
00:51:39.600 --> 00:51:43.480
I just said, oh my gosh, I don't, I didn't know that.

1004
00:51:43.480 --> 00:51:45.320
And I was kind of just stunned

1005
00:51:45.320 --> 00:51:46.800
and we're out at this really nice dinner.

1006
00:51:46.800 --> 00:51:48.120
And so we talked a little bit and I just said,

1007
00:51:48.120 --> 00:51:49.880
I am not crying here.

1008
00:51:49.880 --> 00:51:52.920
And so I enjoyed our beautiful dinner and we talked some more

1009
00:51:52.920 --> 00:51:55.360
and then when the next day, you know, we talked again,

1010
00:51:55.360 --> 00:51:57.080
I said, I really need to get something straight.

1011
00:51:57.080 --> 00:51:58.680
I need to know some more stuff.

1012
00:51:58.680 --> 00:52:00.240
And so we sat down and talked a lot.

1013
00:52:00.240 --> 00:52:02.960
He explained more background than what I'm going to go into,

1014
00:52:02.960 --> 00:52:04.760
but it made it kind of plausible.

1015
00:52:04.760 --> 00:52:06.640
But it, except for when I said, well, you know, I,

1016
00:52:06.640 --> 00:52:09.440
this is who I am, you know, and, and then he still said,

1017
00:52:09.440 --> 00:52:10.600
I know, maybe that's a mistake.

1018
00:52:10.600 --> 00:52:12.440
I still just kind of feel this way.

1019
00:52:12.440 --> 00:52:15.880
Then that's when I just said, okay, cool.

1020
00:52:15.880 --> 00:52:17.200
Well, maybe I should just dump, you know,

1021
00:52:17.200 --> 00:52:19.160
cause that's kind of what I usually do.

1022
00:52:20.080 --> 00:52:21.600
He's like, what?

1023
00:52:21.600 --> 00:52:23.320
He goes, I still want to marry you.

1024
00:52:23.320 --> 00:52:24.720
I just don't right now,

1025
00:52:24.720 --> 00:52:26.360
I don't feel like I can be committed to that.

1026
00:52:26.360 --> 00:52:28.480
And, and I love you.

1027
00:52:28.480 --> 00:52:30.200
And so then I just got all confused.

1028
00:52:30.200 --> 00:52:33.120
And so I wanted to get real wisdom with somebody

1029
00:52:33.120 --> 00:52:35.440
that would not be afraid to tell me the truth.

1030
00:52:35.440 --> 00:52:36.480
Okay.

1031
00:52:36.480 --> 00:52:39.000
But this is what I want everyone to hear and Lori,

1032
00:52:39.000 --> 00:52:41.200
but I want everyone to hear, you know,

1033
00:52:41.200 --> 00:52:44.520
it is true you guys that someone can love you

1034
00:52:44.520 --> 00:52:47.320
and not want to be married.

1035
00:52:47.320 --> 00:52:48.280
Okay.

1036
00:52:48.280 --> 00:52:50.480
And so they can love you.

1037
00:52:50.480 --> 00:52:51.800
And I believe he really does.

1038
00:52:51.800 --> 00:52:53.360
He has deep affection for her.

1039
00:52:53.360 --> 00:52:55.680
You know, they, they enjoy each other.

1040
00:52:55.680 --> 00:52:57.040
They want to be together.

1041
00:52:57.040 --> 00:52:58.560
You know, he wants to be in her presence.

1042
00:52:58.560 --> 00:53:00.800
He talks to her every single day.

1043
00:53:00.800 --> 00:53:03.280
He's very attached in certain ways,

1044
00:53:03.280 --> 00:53:05.440
but he also doesn't want to be married.

1045
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:08.600
Not now and maybe not ever.

1046
00:53:08.600 --> 00:53:09.880
We don't know.

1047
00:53:09.880 --> 00:53:12.720
And so someone can love you and not want to be married.

1048
00:53:12.720 --> 00:53:13.760
And so what does that tell us?

1049
00:53:13.760 --> 00:53:16.480
That tells us that if we want to be married,

1050
00:53:16.480 --> 00:53:18.600
it doesn't matter if they love us,

1051
00:53:18.600 --> 00:53:21.520
if they do not want to make a covenant with us

1052
00:53:22.120 --> 00:53:22.960
and marry us.

1053
00:53:24.520 --> 00:53:25.840
See people throw that out.

1054
00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:26.680
I love you.

1055
00:53:26.680 --> 00:53:28.200
And while it may be true,

1056
00:53:28.200 --> 00:53:31.200
it still doesn't lead to where we want to go.

1057
00:53:31.200 --> 00:53:33.520
And that is covenant in partnership.

1058
00:53:33.520 --> 00:53:34.360
Yeah.

1059
00:53:35.240 --> 00:53:36.320
I was going to tell you what,

1060
00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:38.520
I love a lot of people that I don't want to marry.

1061
00:53:38.520 --> 00:53:41.000
So I'm already married, but I'm just telling you guys,

1062
00:53:41.000 --> 00:53:44.360
you can love people, even romantically love them.

1063
00:53:44.360 --> 00:53:47.720
And also know that you don't want to be married.

1064
00:53:48.760 --> 00:53:50.080
You don't want to be married.

1065
00:53:50.120 --> 00:53:52.240
You're not ready for that level of commitment.

1066
00:53:52.240 --> 00:53:53.520
You don't, you know,

1067
00:53:53.520 --> 00:53:55.520
there's issues that you haven't resolved.

1068
00:53:55.520 --> 00:53:56.960
You don't want to be married.

1069
00:53:57.880 --> 00:54:01.040
And so this man is telling her with his own words,

1070
00:54:01.040 --> 00:54:04.760
I love you, but I do not want to be married.

1071
00:54:05.960 --> 00:54:10.000
And I don't know when or if that will change, right?

1072
00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:12.480
And so she has to say back to him,

1073
00:54:12.480 --> 00:54:16.000
I love you too, but I want to be married.

1074
00:54:16.000 --> 00:54:19.280
And so since we don't want the same things in life,

1075
00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:20.560
we have to say goodbye.

1076
00:54:21.920 --> 00:54:23.400
And it's not going to be easy,

1077
00:54:24.280 --> 00:54:29.280
but I promise you that the next person,

1078
00:54:29.520 --> 00:54:31.240
as long as you continue the momentum

1079
00:54:31.240 --> 00:54:33.440
of all the things you were doing before

1080
00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:36.440
you went into this year and a half situation,

1081
00:54:36.440 --> 00:54:39.920
that they will love you and also want to be married

1082
00:54:41.080 --> 00:54:43.240
because that is a non-negotiable.

1083
00:54:43.240 --> 00:54:44.560
You guys, this is a non-negotiable.

1084
00:54:44.560 --> 00:54:46.720
We are not going to waste our lives

1085
00:54:46.720 --> 00:54:48.640
waiting for people to figure out

1086
00:54:48.680 --> 00:54:50.520
that they want partnership.

1087
00:54:50.520 --> 00:54:52.480
You guys are all here because you're marriage-minded.

1088
00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:55.800
If they're not marriage-minded, then that's a deal breaker.

1089
00:54:55.800 --> 00:54:56.760
They don't have to want to marry you

1090
00:54:56.760 --> 00:54:58.080
in the first five months,

1091
00:54:59.360 --> 00:55:00.200
but if they don't-

1092
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.280
to be married at all. Okay. Then they're not the one for you. You're not going to convince them.

1093
00:55:07.280 --> 00:55:11.280
You're not going to change your mind. You're not going to wait them out guys. This really pains me

1094
00:55:11.280 --> 00:55:18.080
to say this, but I have a friend that I'm going to her wedding. Okay. But they've literally been

1095
00:55:18.080 --> 00:55:27.040
dating for 15 years. You guys and broke up several times within that timeframe, because she wanted to

1096
00:55:27.040 --> 00:55:32.080
be married and he didn't want to be married. And you know, she, she waited him out somehow.

1097
00:55:33.680 --> 00:55:40.960
I don't necessarily think that that's a, that that's like, that's a win, you know?

1098
00:55:44.160 --> 00:55:48.800
And honestly, I'm just going to tell you, Lori, I just feel deep in my heart that you will still

1099
00:55:48.800 --> 00:55:56.080
be here next year and the next year and the next year, if you don't go ahead and move on. Okay.

1100
00:55:57.120 --> 00:56:01.760
Cause this man obviously is not over the death of his wife. He's not ready. He's got a trigger

1101
00:56:01.760 --> 00:56:07.040
here. He doesn't want to get married. Marriage is the trigger. Okay. Doesn't want to get married

1102
00:56:07.040 --> 00:56:11.120
is not ready for that level of commitment and covenant. Doesn't want to enter into that,

1103
00:56:11.120 --> 00:56:14.880
whether he's afraid of rejection, abandonment, or loss, because you guys, when people pass away,

1104
00:56:14.880 --> 00:56:19.280
it's a form of abandonment, even though they didn't want to leave us, they still did.

1105
00:56:19.280 --> 00:56:23.920
Okay. There's stuff he's got hard work stuff to do. So he stuck on the inside, which is making

1106
00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:29.360
him stuck on the outside, but Lori can't wait that out. He's got to go get, he's got to go

1107
00:56:29.360 --> 00:56:34.240
get help. He's got to go get free. He's got to go, you know, get unstuck on the inside so he

1108
00:56:34.240 --> 00:56:45.520
can move forward on the outside. Amen. Okay. So Lori, the script is I love you too, but I want

1109
00:56:45.520 --> 00:56:51.120
to be married and you don't want to be married, not just to meet anyone. You're not, you're not

1110
00:56:51.120 --> 00:56:57.600
in a marriage minded season and I am. So we don't want the same things in life. So we have to let

1111
00:56:57.600 --> 00:57:04.240
each other go. And I know that's hard. And you guys, this goes back to the pruning from the last

1112
00:57:04.240 --> 00:57:10.400
two supernatural Saturdays. This is good for great. This relationship has been good. Lori has

1113
00:57:10.400 --> 00:57:19.840
been happy. She's enjoyed it for the first year of it. It was incredible. Yeah. But great in this

1114
00:57:19.840 --> 00:57:26.960
scenario would be marriage. It'd be someone who wants to be her partner and live together and make

1115
00:57:26.960 --> 00:57:32.720
a covenant and do life together every day and build legacy. And this guy doesn't want that.

1116
00:57:34.000 --> 00:57:41.600
And so it was been good, but she wants great. So remember what I told you guys on the pruning

1117
00:57:41.600 --> 00:57:46.480
sessions, good for great is the hardest pruning. It's the hardest one because you're letting go

1118
00:57:46.480 --> 00:57:51.440
of something. That's not terrible. It's not bad. It's actually good, but you know, that God has

1119
00:57:51.440 --> 00:57:56.960
better for you. And it makes it so hard because that better is not here yet.

1120
00:58:00.240 --> 00:58:05.040
I'm proud of you and all the work that you've done and that you're not willing to just keep

1121
00:58:05.040 --> 00:58:11.520
going around the mulberry bush with this man and, you know, to let go and trust God. And here's the

1122
00:58:11.520 --> 00:58:16.960
good news. The good news is that if this is your spirit mate doing, this is not going to miss out on

1123
00:58:16.960 --> 00:58:22.720
it. It's going to catalyze something. It's not an ultimatum. You're not doing this to wake him up,

1124
00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:29.920
but if it catalyzes and comes full circle with, you know, with change, don't rebound. Don't go

1125
00:58:29.920 --> 00:58:36.000
back to the same old situation, but if it catalyzes and catalyzes him and it comes full circle with

1126
00:58:36.560 --> 00:58:43.200
new healing and new momentum in marriage, then awesome. And you guys don't say that that can't

1127
00:58:43.200 --> 00:58:48.240
happen because I've seen it happen all the time, but she cannot do this hoping that that will be

1128
00:58:48.240 --> 00:58:56.880
the outcome because what's his name? He could be dating someone else in two months. Yeah. Someone

1129
00:58:56.880 --> 00:59:03.200
who's just fine to just be his companion through his singleness and doesn't want anything more than

1130
00:59:03.200 --> 00:59:08.880
that until a year and a half in, and then she'll have this conversation and then he'll be moving on

1131
00:59:08.880 --> 00:59:20.880
again. That could very well happen as well. Right. Okay. Thank you. Yes. Someone was saying,

1132
00:59:20.880 --> 00:59:24.720
tell him about the program and all the things, but, you know, I mean, we can't, you guys,

1133
00:59:24.720 --> 00:59:29.440
people have to want to do their hard work. They do. They have to want to do it.

1134
00:59:29.440 --> 00:59:36.720
All right, girly. Thanks. Just pray for your heart. Okay. We'll be praying for you. I have

1135
00:59:36.720 --> 00:59:41.600
so much to be grateful for. I'm going to be a grandma first time. Yeah. Look, you're, you're

1136
00:59:41.600 --> 00:59:46.880
beautiful. You're vibrant. You're you got a lot of, you know, you have a lot of life left in your

1137
00:59:46.880 --> 00:59:52.560
years still, you know, do not waste any more time on someone who's not ready to lock arms with you

1138
00:59:52.560 --> 00:59:59.680
Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. All right. Talk to you soon. Yep.

1139
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:06.480
Thanks for coming on father. We just pray for Lori. Lord, we pray for her heart. God,

1140
01:00:06.480 --> 01:00:12.080
we ask that you would just give her, just make, give her courage, Lord, make her brave,

1141
01:00:12.080 --> 01:00:16.440
help her to trust you. Give her a special grace to trust you, that you have brought

1142
01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:20.560
her here, that you have a spirit mate for her. And if it's not Dave Lord, then it's

1143
01:00:20.560 --> 01:00:26.200
definitely someone else. And two, one or two things are going to happen here. This person's

1144
01:00:26.200 --> 01:00:29.960
either going to be catalyzed for change and transformation, and they're going to go forward

1145
01:00:29.960 --> 01:00:36.000
together or she's going to fall in love with someone that makes her say, who's Dave, right?

1146
01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:40.200
It's a win-win y'all. It's a win-win. Okay. I really believe that with all my heart. It's

1147
01:00:40.200 --> 01:00:44.520
a win-win. Okay. So father, we thank you God. We thank you for grace for everyone who's

1148
01:00:44.520 --> 01:00:48.200
pruning in this season. We're all pruning and it's hard. You guys, I want to tell you,

1149
01:00:48.200 --> 01:00:53.040
I almost manifested today because I have to do some things. I have to do some pruning

1150
01:00:53.040 --> 01:00:58.640
and I had to make some decisions that were really scary for me. It's a lot easier to

1151
01:00:58.640 --> 01:01:03.640
do things when you're the only person in charge or in control of whatever those things

1152
01:01:03.640 --> 01:01:07.400
are. In fact, I'll tell you this, I'll tell you this. I think a lot of times we're willing

1153
01:01:07.400 --> 01:01:13.200
to sell for a lot less than God has for us in all kinds of areas of our lives. If we

1154
01:01:13.200 --> 01:01:19.600
get to stay in control, if stretching means giving other people, having to trust other

1155
01:01:19.600 --> 01:01:25.200
people, having to give other people, you know, decision-making power in our lives or control

1156
01:01:25.200 --> 01:01:33.240
in certain areas of our lives. It's easier just to stay small, stay diminished and keep

1157
01:01:33.240 --> 01:01:40.760
a hold of the steering wheel ourselves. Am I wrong? And I had to let go of that today.

1158
01:01:40.760 --> 01:01:44.920
You guys, I had to LIG and I had to let it go and, you know, just make a decision to

1159
01:01:44.920 --> 01:01:50.080
trust in an area where I've really been hurt before in business, in an area where I've

1160
01:01:50.080 --> 01:01:56.480
been cheated before I've been lied to deceived before. I had to, you know, this is a real

1161
01:01:56.480 --> 01:02:07.080
full circle moment for me and I have a decision to make. Do I have to do it? No. Okay. I can

1162
01:02:07.080 --> 01:02:12.000
remain right where I am and all of you can remain right where you are, but I promise

1163
01:02:12.000 --> 01:02:16.200
you this, if you want to go further with God, if you want to go further into what God has

1164
01:02:16.200 --> 01:02:20.360
for you and you want to actually, you know, go into the manifestation of the promises

1165
01:02:20.360 --> 01:02:27.820
over your life, you will be stretched. You will have to do things that make you scared.

1166
01:02:27.820 --> 01:02:31.680
You will have to do things that make you feel insecure and uncomfortable. You will have

1167
01:02:31.680 --> 01:02:37.560
to stretch. You will not know the outcome ahead of time, and you will not be sure if

1168
01:02:37.560 --> 01:02:45.440
it's the right decision, but you will do it afraid. And you will do it anyway, if you

1169
01:02:45.440 --> 01:02:53.720
want the possibility of more father, I just released that over all your sons and daughters,

1170
01:02:53.720 --> 01:02:58.400
that they would be willing to be made willing in the day of your power to be stretched toward

1171
01:02:58.400 --> 01:03:02.600
to get uncomfortable, Lord, to do things that make them afraid to do things that they do

1172
01:03:02.600 --> 01:03:06.400
not know the outcome, and they can't even see the next step Lord, but they're willing

1173
01:03:06.400 --> 01:03:10.280
to take your hand. They're willing to say yes, Lord, willing to step out of where they've

1174
01:03:10.280 --> 01:03:15.080
been into where they could be. And Lord, I just thank you for a God. I ask all of us

1175
01:03:15.080 --> 01:03:20.560
all that all of us would have a super natural grace in this season to do these things in

1176
01:03:20.560 --> 01:03:27.760
Jesus name. Amen. Okay, guys. All right. Let me see. Let me see if how many more I have

1177
01:03:27.760 --> 01:03:33.560
here. We're at eight Oh nine. I'm hoping to end here in the next 15 ish minutes. Lily

1178
01:03:33.640 --> 01:03:40.080
Serrano. Are you in the house? And you guys remember we have to you know, Laurie, that

1179
01:03:40.080 --> 01:03:43.960
was really important and special. So it doesn't matter that it took a lot longer than what

1180
01:03:43.960 --> 01:03:48.240
really what we want these love seats to take. But the rest of y'all that are here that are

1181
01:03:48.240 --> 01:03:51.920
wanting to jump in the love seat, we got to do it. God do it a lot faster. Okay, so we

1182
01:03:51.920 --> 01:03:58.920
can get everybody in. All right. I'm here. I see you. Okay, so hold on one second. All

1183
01:03:58.920 --> 01:04:05.640
right. In 120 seconds. Tell us what's up. You're so funny. You're such a blessing. Thank

1184
01:04:05.640 --> 01:04:13.840
you so much. Um, okay. And yet I'm not kidding. Okay, go ahead. Your hair looks phenomenal.

1185
01:04:13.840 --> 01:04:19.440
I love it. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Go ahead. So I'm gonna read this because I have it on

1186
01:04:19.440 --> 01:04:29.640
my laptop. But um, so I recently ended about I would say on tax day. So April 15. With

1187
01:04:29.640 --> 01:04:36.160
a guy that I was getting to know for a month. So we went on six dates. My question is if

1188
01:04:36.160 --> 01:04:43.000
I cut it off too early. So the reason why I keep thinking today like he's a good catch,

1189
01:04:43.000 --> 01:04:49.640
but he's not a great catch. Um, he has all of the qualities. He doesn't have a relationship

1190
01:04:49.640 --> 01:04:56.920
with Jesus. He does know about Jesus. He just doesn't have a relationship with them. So

1191
01:04:56.920 --> 01:04:59.880
there I mean, if I just so you know, I know all

1192
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.800
background. And I read your original post when you posted in the group. And then I read what,

1193
01:05:04.800 --> 01:05:10.320
what everyone gave us, but just so they all know, um, you know, just the backstory, you know,

1194
01:05:10.320 --> 01:05:15.840
he's got a situation with his, you know, his former wife, you know, she's, you know, she's an

1195
01:05:15.840 --> 01:05:21.200
addict. And so he's got all that got divorced because his wife left him because she's an addict

1196
01:05:21.200 --> 01:05:27.280
and all. So he's got some trauma stuff. That's important to talk about. Right. Um, once again,

1197
01:05:27.360 --> 01:05:34.320
you know, you're like, he's a believer in God, maybe even a believer in Jesus being the son of

1198
01:05:34.320 --> 01:05:44.160
God, but he doesn't have any kind of discipleship or any kind of, um, uh, measurable, measurable,

1199
01:05:44.160 --> 01:05:55.600
uh, walk with the Lord. Yeah. So he did text me, um, yesterday. And, um, so I'm just

1200
01:05:56.080 --> 01:05:59.920
trying to figure it out, just trying to make sure that I made the correct decision.

1201
01:05:59.920 --> 01:06:02.720
And how many, how many dates did you go on with this gentleman?

1202
01:06:03.440 --> 01:06:09.200
Six States, six States, like in a row over the course of three weeks, like how,

1203
01:06:09.200 --> 01:06:14.800
how once a week, there was one week where we doubled up, but typically it was one.

1204
01:06:14.800 --> 01:06:20.880
So you've known him for about two months. He, what I'm sorry. He lives an hour away,

1205
01:06:20.880 --> 01:06:26.800
an hour away, six States over the course of six, six ish weeks. So if you known him,

1206
01:06:26.800 --> 01:06:29.840
would you say that you've known about his existence on earth for how long?

1207
01:06:30.720 --> 01:06:37.520
March 5th, March. Okay. So not long. So like, like less than eight weeks, eight weeks, eight

1208
01:06:37.520 --> 01:06:44.720
ish weeks. Okay. All right. So the things that, you know, you were citing as green flags are,

1209
01:06:44.720 --> 01:06:49.840
you know, you haven't been treated that well in years. Okay. And your time together was effortless

1210
01:06:49.840 --> 01:06:55.040
your time together has been very brief. So it's not hard to treat someone well for six States.

1211
01:06:55.760 --> 01:07:00.160
Okay. People usually do put their, their best foot forward. And that is a cue to all of you

1212
01:07:00.720 --> 01:07:05.520
that everyone's entitled to a one-off everyone's entitled to a false start, a bad start, a bad

1213
01:07:05.520 --> 01:07:11.920
first impression. The proof that that's a one-off and not an off life is that they apologize.

1214
01:07:11.920 --> 01:07:16.560
And the proof of the sorry is changed behavior. So the next time is great, all the things,

1215
01:07:16.560 --> 01:07:21.920
but for all of you out there that have been giving people a lot of chances over and over

1216
01:07:21.920 --> 01:07:28.000
again, when they're showing up, like in their worst self, that's who they are. Okay. That's not

1217
01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:34.400
just one off two off three off. That's who they are. Okay. Because this is the norm people normally,

1218
01:07:34.400 --> 01:07:38.640
even if you're not going to see they're crazy until six months in, because they are going to

1219
01:07:38.640 --> 01:07:43.920
put their best foot forward normally. And so if you have someone who's putting their worst foot

1220
01:07:43.920 --> 01:07:48.720
forward time after time, after time, Oh, please just cut that off and move on because it means

1221
01:07:48.720 --> 01:07:55.440
they don't have a good foot to put forward. There is no good foot. Okay. Both feet are left feet.

1222
01:07:55.440 --> 01:08:00.640
Okay. So he's treated you great, wonderful, but it's been a very short, brief amount of time.

1223
01:08:00.640 --> 01:08:04.880
He's easy to communicate with. He's easy to emotionally connect with, which is why you like

1224
01:08:04.880 --> 01:08:09.440
him just so you know, because there's an emotional connection. And so you like him because he's

1225
01:08:09.440 --> 01:08:14.080
emotionally aware and available, which he may have not known that men like that before. Maybe

1226
01:08:14.080 --> 01:08:19.439
you have, but you like it. Most people do, but you do loves to laugh. So you guys are really

1227
01:08:19.439 --> 01:08:24.240
connecting on the soul realm. You enjoy each other. It's effortless. It feels like you've

1228
01:08:24.240 --> 01:08:27.760
known each other. I'm just saying you did write this, but I'm saying this, it feels like you've

1229
01:08:27.760 --> 01:08:33.200
known each other for a lot longer. There is easy to connect with. He prioritizes you. You always

1230
01:08:33.200 --> 01:08:39.359
have fun. Um, he seems like a secure attacher. You wouldn't know that because you've only known

1231
01:08:39.359 --> 01:08:45.439
him for six dates. So who knows? Um, he's respectful as far as you know, for six days,

1232
01:08:46.240 --> 01:08:51.200
he's always paid for outings. Um, he's always opened doors, took care of you. Remember details

1233
01:08:51.200 --> 01:08:55.920
about you. Okay, guys, those are all really good things in the six dates that she's known him.

1234
01:08:56.479 --> 01:09:02.160
Those are good things. So the question is how comfortable does she feel going forward with

1235
01:09:02.160 --> 01:09:10.560
someone who is not, you know, currently on the same page as she is spiritually? He's not,

1236
01:09:10.560 --> 01:09:16.399
not a believer. He's a believer who is not being, you know, discipled. He's a believer. Who's not

1237
01:09:16.399 --> 01:09:22.160
seeking out discipleship. And you guys, I don't mean from humans. I mean, from his rabbi, Jesus,

1238
01:09:22.160 --> 01:09:28.080
he's not following his rabbi, Jesus, because his Jesus is not as rabbi. And so that's what I equally

1239
01:09:28.080 --> 01:09:34.000
yoked means is when one of us has made Jesus our master and Lord, and the other person has not.

1240
01:09:34.720 --> 01:09:38.000
And so that means it's important for you guys to hear this. That means that someone who goes to

1241
01:09:38.000 --> 01:09:42.240
church every single Sunday could actually be unequally yoked with you because yeah, they go

1242
01:09:42.240 --> 01:09:46.319
to church and they believe in God and they believe in Jesus, but they're very religious. They're not

1243
01:09:46.319 --> 01:09:52.399
a Christ follower. Okay. They're Christ. No knowing they know about Christ. Um, but they

1244
01:09:53.040 --> 01:09:56.800
are not being discipled by Jesus. They're not following him. They're not spending time with

1245
01:09:56.800 --> 01:09:59.760
him. They're not being like him. They're not doing what he did. They're not doing those.

1246
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.000
And so if you are and they're not,

1247
01:10:03.000 --> 01:10:06.000
then you're not going to be equally yoked with them because they're just

1248
01:10:06.000 --> 01:10:09.000
going to do church and dead religion. And you're going to do kingdom.

1249
01:10:09.000 --> 01:10:12.000
And trust me, that's going to pull you guys apart really quickly.

1250
01:10:12.000 --> 01:10:15.000
And so.

1251
01:10:15.000 --> 01:10:16.000
What's the difference between that.

1252
01:10:16.000 --> 01:10:20.000
And this not a lot.

1253
01:10:20.000 --> 01:10:24.000
Because everybody here believes in Jesus.

1254
01:10:24.000 --> 01:10:26.000
But they have different fruit to show for it.

1255
01:10:26.000 --> 01:10:29.000
They have different understandings and different levels of relationship

1256
01:10:29.000 --> 01:10:31.000
with that.

1257
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:34.000
And so I'm not, and I know that this is scandalous for a lot of you,

1258
01:10:34.000 --> 01:10:38.000
but I'm not opposed to people being in relationship.

1259
01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:40.000
Especially this level of relationship.

1260
01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:43.000
If they're spiritually mature with someone who's not as spiritually

1261
01:10:43.000 --> 01:10:45.000
mature as them.

1262
01:10:45.000 --> 01:10:46.000
I'm not opposed to that.

1263
01:10:46.000 --> 01:10:50.000
I've seen a lot of people get married and have great marriages.

1264
01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:53.000
Because that person had a high spiritual IQ and they,

1265
01:10:53.000 --> 01:10:54.000
They had a high spiritual IQ.

1266
01:10:54.000 --> 01:10:56.000
And they had a great relationship.

1267
01:10:56.000 --> 01:11:00.000
And they, they sprouted quickly.

1268
01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:01.000
Okay.

1269
01:11:01.000 --> 01:11:04.000
And so you really just have to know what God is saying to you.

1270
01:11:04.000 --> 01:11:06.000
All right. You have to know what God is saying to you.

1271
01:11:06.000 --> 01:11:09.000
You, you know, I love you, Lily, but you can't put this on me.

1272
01:11:09.000 --> 01:11:10.000
All right.

1273
01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:16.000
It's got to be on you. You know, the Lord, you're spiritually mature.

1274
01:11:16.000 --> 01:11:17.000
So what is he saying about it to you?

1275
01:11:17.000 --> 01:11:18.000
Right.

1276
01:11:18.000 --> 01:11:22.000
Because.

1277
01:11:22.000 --> 01:11:24.000
You know, if you get to know this guy better,

1278
01:11:24.000 --> 01:11:28.000
are you going to start to see things that you don't see now? Yes.

1279
01:11:28.000 --> 01:11:30.000
Will they necessarily be red flags or bad? No,

1280
01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:33.000
they might be more green flags.

1281
01:11:33.000 --> 01:11:35.000
But you've only known this guy for six dates.

1282
01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:37.000
And so.

1283
01:11:37.000 --> 01:11:39.000
I would not date him exclusively.

1284
01:11:39.000 --> 01:11:41.000
A thousand percent. No.

1285
01:11:41.000 --> 01:11:43.000
I would not become his girlfriend.

1286
01:11:43.000 --> 01:11:45.000
I would not become physically intimate.

1287
01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:48.000
I just mean kissing or holding hands. I would not do any of that.

1288
01:11:48.000 --> 01:11:51.000
Okay.

1289
01:11:51.000 --> 01:11:53.000
So keep your head very clear.

1290
01:11:53.000 --> 01:11:55.000
Okay.

1291
01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:57.000
And your spirit, very clear.

1292
01:11:57.000 --> 01:12:03.000
And then.

1293
01:12:03.000 --> 01:12:05.000
When you find out why, you know, this man,

1294
01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:07.000
you can just point a sails in the wind.

1295
01:12:07.000 --> 01:12:08.000
You know, you can point.

1296
01:12:08.000 --> 01:12:10.000
You know, point him to the wind.

1297
01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:13.000
Because who knows? I really don't.

1298
01:12:13.000 --> 01:12:16.000
I would continue to meet new people.

1299
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:19.000
Okay.

1300
01:12:19.000 --> 01:12:35.000
I feel like there's a check in your spirit.

1301
01:12:35.000 --> 01:12:38.000
That this is not something that you could continue because you feel

1302
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:40.000
like you're getting too attached already.

1303
01:12:40.000 --> 01:12:41.000
You said he's a secure attacher.

1304
01:12:41.000 --> 01:12:43.000
We don't know if that's true or not because we don't know him,

1305
01:12:44.000 --> 01:12:45.000
Okay.

1306
01:12:45.000 --> 01:12:46.000
Okay.

1307
01:12:46.000 --> 01:12:48.000
So she's emotionally attracted.

1308
01:12:48.000 --> 01:12:50.000
And she's very emotionally attracted.

1309
01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:51.000
Are you physically attracted as well?

1310
01:12:51.000 --> 01:12:55.000
Yeah.

1311
01:12:55.000 --> 01:12:58.000
Okay. So she's emotionally attracted and.

1312
01:12:58.000 --> 01:12:59.000
She's.

1313
01:12:59.000 --> 01:13:01.000
Physically attracted.

1314
01:13:01.000 --> 01:13:05.000
So that's two of the trifecta.

1315
01:13:05.000 --> 01:13:07.000
But we want spirit mates. So we want to be spiritually attracted.

1316
01:13:07.000 --> 01:13:10.000
Right.

1317
01:13:10.000 --> 01:13:13.000
Okay.

1318
01:13:13.000 --> 01:13:20.000
I hear about the bumps. Okay. So.

1319
01:13:20.000 --> 01:13:23.000
We want the spirit to lead.

1320
01:13:23.000 --> 01:13:27.000
Then we want the soul in the body.

1321
01:13:27.000 --> 01:13:28.000
To get on board you guys.

1322
01:13:28.000 --> 01:13:30.000
And so Lily's got the cart before the horse.

1323
01:13:30.000 --> 01:13:34.000
Her body and her soul are voting. Yes.

1324
01:13:35.000 --> 01:13:40.000
Okay.

1325
01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:43.000
So we've got to find out what the spirit is doing and saying here,

1326
01:13:43.000 --> 01:13:44.000
and then whatever that is.

1327
01:13:44.000 --> 01:13:46.000
If it's to continue forward with caution.

1328
01:13:46.000 --> 01:13:47.000
Great.

1329
01:13:47.000 --> 01:13:49.000
Right.

1330
01:13:49.000 --> 01:13:53.000
Don't get any deeper.

1331
01:13:53.000 --> 01:13:55.000
Don't get any deeper in the soul and in emotions, you guys,

1332
01:13:55.000 --> 01:13:59.000
how can you do that?

1333
01:13:59.000 --> 01:14:00.000
How can she get to know this guy?

1334
01:14:01.000 --> 01:14:04.000
Okay.

1335
01:14:04.000 --> 01:14:06.000
So the spirit is going to be talking to you,

1336
01:14:06.000 --> 01:14:12.000
the emotional and physical of this.

1337
01:14:12.000 --> 01:14:16.000
Not having long conversations about childhoods and trauma and getting

1338
01:14:16.000 --> 01:14:18.000
all emotionally involved with someone.

1339
01:14:18.000 --> 01:14:19.000
Okay.

1340
01:14:19.000 --> 01:14:22.000
She already really enjoys this person and she feels emotionally

1341
01:14:22.000 --> 01:14:25.000
connected. So not getting deep, deep, deep, deep.

1342
01:14:25.000 --> 01:14:28.000
And talking about your whole lives and your futures and all the

1343
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:30.000
things that are going to happen in your life.

1344
01:14:30.000 --> 01:14:31.000
Okay.

1345
01:14:31.000 --> 01:14:32.000
Zero contact.

1346
01:14:32.000 --> 01:14:34.000
Zero contact.

1347
01:14:34.000 --> 01:14:39.000
Don't hold hands. Don't cuddle. No arms around anyone.

1348
01:14:39.000 --> 01:14:41.000
Obviously no kissing, no long hugs, no hugs at all.

1349
01:14:41.000 --> 01:14:44.000
Give them a nice handshake.

1350
01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:48.000
And let's move on with our lives.

1351
01:14:48.000 --> 01:14:50.000
But seriously, like, no, if you listen, if you want.

1352
01:14:50.000 --> 01:14:56.000
If you feel.

1353
01:14:57.000 --> 01:14:59.000
If you want to have a relationship at any level,

1354
01:14:59.000 --> 01:15:00.000
you've got to keep your soul and your.

1355
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:08.240
body out of the voting booth. Your spirit needs to be clear. Someone said, how about a thumb war?

1356
01:15:08.240 --> 01:15:14.560
No, no thumb wars. You guys, none. And you guys, and here's the thing. The thing is,

1357
01:15:14.560 --> 01:15:18.800
is that I could prophetically tell her what I feel, but that's not my place. Cause I really

1358
01:15:18.800 --> 01:15:24.880
feel like God wants to teach all of you something here. All of you need to be led by the spirit in

1359
01:15:24.880 --> 01:15:30.720
your love lives, not just in your other parts of your lives, not just in your spiritual lives,

1360
01:15:30.720 --> 01:15:34.800
in your physical lives, you have to be led by the spirit. There's a scripture that says

1361
01:15:34.800 --> 01:15:39.520
in our standing up, sitting down, lying down, eating and drinking life,

1362
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:47.280
follow after the spirit, right? That's all the natural stuff that we do. And I'm so glad Lily's

1363
01:15:47.280 --> 01:15:52.480
here tonight. Cause I feel like it's a teaching moment for all of us. There aren't certain areas

1364
01:15:52.480 --> 01:15:58.160
of our life where we follow after our feelings or our flesh, or even someone else's advice or

1365
01:15:58.160 --> 01:16:04.160
someone else's prophetic word. We have to follow the spirit and then God will give us confirmations.

1366
01:16:04.160 --> 01:16:10.560
We are God defended. We don't have to be scared. It's not fear that we follow after it's faith

1367
01:16:10.560 --> 01:16:15.520
that we follow after. And so it's important. And I believe in Lily. I know that she's a spiritually

1368
01:16:15.520 --> 01:16:20.480
mature woman, and I know that she hears from the Lord. And I know that he is going to show her

1369
01:16:20.480 --> 01:16:24.480
through confirmations of other people like me right now, hopefully some of the things I'm

1370
01:16:24.480 --> 01:16:29.200
saying are confirmations for her of what she needs to do and giving her the strength to do it

1371
01:16:29.200 --> 01:16:33.840
in this area of her life, not just with this guy, but with anyone in this area of her life.

1372
01:16:35.360 --> 01:16:41.760
But it's smart to have really good boundaries. When you know that someone's checking more

1373
01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:49.840
carnal boxes for you of physical attraction and emotional attraction. If those boxes are

1374
01:16:49.840 --> 01:16:54.080
being checked from the very beginning, felt like you've known this person all your life.

1375
01:16:54.080 --> 01:16:58.480
You can't get enough of them. You love spending time with them, but that spiritual box is not

1376
01:16:58.480 --> 01:17:07.360
checked. You have to have good boundaries so that you don't get confused. Right? So that's

1377
01:17:07.360 --> 01:17:11.280
really important. And so we would love to know what you decide and what happens. We're going to

1378
01:17:11.280 --> 01:17:18.000
be praying for you and with you. And I believe that you're going to know really clearly as you

1379
01:17:18.000 --> 01:17:24.160
navigate this. And I feel like it's going to be a really important lesson for you and for us all.

1380
01:17:26.080 --> 01:17:31.200
Okay. It's going to be tough. I know you're already, you're already in a little girl.

1381
01:17:31.200 --> 01:17:36.400
You're already in there a little bit. So you need to immediately start putting up those boundaries

1382
01:17:36.400 --> 01:17:42.240
because you like the attention we all do. You like how attentive he is, is I guess what I should

1383
01:17:42.240 --> 01:17:50.400
say. You like being prioritized. We all do, but you have to make sure that this man is willing

1384
01:17:50.400 --> 01:17:57.040
to make God a priority because otherwise he's not a spirit mate. Yeah. And it's not your job to

1385
01:17:57.040 --> 01:18:05.120
disciple him. Yep. It's not it's Holy spirit's job. Okay. All right, Lily. Thank you so much.

1386
01:18:05.120 --> 01:18:09.360
I appreciate it. And we're, we, you're going to be fine. She has God defended you guys. It's going

1387
01:18:09.360 --> 01:18:15.200
to be great. Um, now does it mean she's going to go left instead of right? Maybe zig instead of zag,

1388
01:18:15.200 --> 01:18:20.640
maybe, but she's going to learn. She's going to learn some good stuff here. And she's got a great

1389
01:18:20.640 --> 01:18:24.720
covering over her with this community. And I believe that the Lord is going to show her what

1390
01:18:24.720 --> 01:18:30.480
she needs to see in Jesus name. We believe that Lord, we trust you and we know that it's true.

1391
01:18:31.440 --> 01:18:34.000
All right. Um, do I have anything else here?

1392
01:18:37.600 --> 01:18:42.400
Guys, these are all so good. All right. I'm willing to go to eight 30. That's six more

1393
01:18:42.400 --> 01:18:47.360
minutes and I'm willing to do Hannah Haynes and Alessandra Valente, but you guys, we got to do

1394
01:18:47.360 --> 01:18:53.200
it quick. And I know we keep saying that, but we keep lying to ourselves. All right. So let's do,

1395
01:18:53.440 --> 01:19:02.000
I see Alessandra. So let's just do that real quick. All right. Seriously. 120 seconds. Just

1396
01:19:02.000 --> 01:19:07.120
say it as fast as you possibly can. Okay. All right. So I live in Mexico city. I went on a

1397
01:19:07.120 --> 01:19:12.880
date with someone in Bumbo last Wednesday. Um, you really connected. It was like just a very

1398
01:19:12.880 --> 01:19:17.440
deep connection. He went to my same undergrad. He's Mexican, which is, this is weird that he

1399
01:19:17.440 --> 01:19:21.600
went to the same undergrad in the U S and we just had three hours, like deep connection.

1400
01:19:22.240 --> 01:19:28.880
And then, so I texted him the next day. I'm used to the guys always texting me, um, the next day,

1401
01:19:28.880 --> 01:19:35.280
but I texted him to thank him. He responded and he was sweet saying he also had a great time,

1402
01:19:35.280 --> 01:19:40.720
but he wasn't kind of introducing any new topics of conversation or asking to meet again. Um,

1403
01:19:40.720 --> 01:19:44.000
he said, Oh, I might be moving to your neighborhood. Maybe you can show me around.

1404
01:19:44.000 --> 01:19:49.600
So he would make lots of references. Like maybe, maybe we can go out some, maybe we can go to this

1405
01:19:49.600 --> 01:19:54.640
bar sometime. Maybe we can go to here sometime, but nothing concrete. And so I kind of stopped

1406
01:19:54.640 --> 01:19:59.840
initiating and had him initiate. And Sunday he finally initiated saying, how was your week?

1407
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.080
and I was like, good, how was yours?

1408
01:20:02.080 --> 01:20:04.760
He took three hours to respond, which for me was a lot,

1409
01:20:04.760 --> 01:20:07.280
but then he only responded about himself,

1410
01:20:07.280 --> 01:20:09.700
didn't initiate again asking for me.

1411
01:20:09.700 --> 01:20:11.780
So then I said, what does your week look like?

1412
01:20:11.780 --> 01:20:14.880
And he said, oh, Thursday I have some time to hang.

1413
01:20:14.880 --> 01:20:16.920
Which I'm like, is this asking me out on a date?

1414
01:20:16.920 --> 01:20:17.800
I don't know.

1415
01:20:17.800 --> 01:20:19.240
So I made a joke saying, oh,

1416
01:20:19.240 --> 01:20:21.000
maybe like this cute American girl

1417
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:23.320
can move her schedule around to see you.

1418
01:20:23.320 --> 01:20:25.440
And he kind of just wrote, ha ha, yes, she's cute.

1419
01:20:25.440 --> 01:20:27.960
So still no concrete plans.

1420
01:20:28.000 --> 01:20:30.360
And then not following the conversation,

1421
01:20:30.360 --> 01:20:31.420
not following the conversation.

1422
01:20:31.420 --> 01:20:34.060
So I'm just, he's divorced with two kids

1423
01:20:34.060 --> 01:20:36.480
and yesterday he took eight hours to respond.

1424
01:20:36.480 --> 01:20:38.360
So I've kind of written him off at this point.

1425
01:20:38.360 --> 01:20:39.200
But I don't-

1426
01:20:39.200 --> 01:20:40.780
So is he a single dad?

1427
01:20:40.780 --> 01:20:42.040
Yeah, he has two kids.

1428
01:20:42.040 --> 01:20:43.840
And how often is his kids with him?

1429
01:20:45.020 --> 01:20:46.520
Twice, two weekends a month,

1430
01:20:46.520 --> 01:20:48.720
and then one day a week a month.

1431
01:20:48.720 --> 01:20:51.040
Okay, so he's pretty busy.

1432
01:20:51.040 --> 01:20:53.160
He's probably busy, but like,

1433
01:20:53.160 --> 01:20:55.160
so I don't even know if I'm seeing him on Thursday or not,

1434
01:20:55.160 --> 01:20:56.080
because he hasn't.

1435
01:20:56.920 --> 01:20:59.840
And the last message was him just responding

1436
01:20:59.840 --> 01:21:02.000
to a joke that I made, just saying, ha ha.

1437
01:21:02.000 --> 01:21:03.040
Let me ask you a question.

1438
01:21:03.040 --> 01:21:04.660
Are you a planner?

1439
01:21:04.660 --> 01:21:05.500
Yes.

1440
01:21:05.500 --> 01:21:07.560
Okay, I can tell, you know?

1441
01:21:07.560 --> 01:21:09.680
And so the problem here is,

1442
01:21:09.680 --> 01:21:12.480
is that we don't know if this guy is just like,

1443
01:21:12.480 --> 01:21:14.800
you know, he's just not a planner,

1444
01:21:15.720 --> 01:21:17.760
or if he's just not in a season of life

1445
01:21:17.760 --> 01:21:20.080
where he's looking for anything at all serious.

1446
01:21:20.080 --> 01:21:21.280
Not that this would be serious

1447
01:21:21.280 --> 01:21:22.560
by any stretch of the imagination,

1448
01:21:22.560 --> 01:21:24.640
because you guys just met.

1449
01:21:24.680 --> 01:21:26.560
So you're assuming a lot about this guy

1450
01:21:26.560 --> 01:21:28.640
without really knowing him, okay?

1451
01:21:28.640 --> 01:21:32.160
And so I wanna encourage you not to get into,

1452
01:21:32.160 --> 01:21:35.640
you know, needing so much certainty so soon,

1453
01:21:35.640 --> 01:21:36.900
and making sure that you're not putting

1454
01:21:36.900 --> 01:21:38.300
all your focus on this guy.

1455
01:21:38.300 --> 01:21:39.280
There's other guys,

1456
01:21:39.280 --> 01:21:42.880
there's probably 10,000 other guys on Bumble, okay?

1457
01:21:42.880 --> 01:21:46.040
And so you obviously enjoy him, that's great.

1458
01:21:46.040 --> 01:21:48.760
But also, you don't really know each other.

1459
01:21:48.760 --> 01:21:50.920
And, you know, this could just be,

1460
01:21:50.920 --> 01:21:53.620
he could have more of a spontaneous personality.

1461
01:21:53.620 --> 01:21:55.660
Like I have a really spontaneous personality,

1462
01:21:55.660 --> 01:21:57.540
and my best friends like you.

1463
01:21:57.540 --> 01:22:01.600
And when we go on vacation together, it's hilarious, okay?

1464
01:22:01.600 --> 01:22:04.080
Because like, she wants everything planned out,

1465
01:22:04.080 --> 01:22:06.180
she wants to know in advance, she likes certainty,

1466
01:22:06.180 --> 01:22:07.900
it makes her feel secure and great.

1467
01:22:07.900 --> 01:22:10.780
And I really like to see where the wind kind of blows us.

1468
01:22:10.780 --> 01:22:14.180
And so, yes, so it sounds like

1469
01:22:14.180 --> 01:22:15.820
he had a great time with you.

1470
01:22:15.820 --> 01:22:18.860
I do know from being a single parent myself that,

1471
01:22:18.860 --> 01:22:21.180
you know, even if your kids are not with you 24 seven,

1472
01:22:21.180 --> 01:22:24.420
it takes up a lot of emotional and mental bandwidth

1473
01:22:24.420 --> 01:22:25.260
to be a parent.

1474
01:22:25.260 --> 01:22:27.580
So you will have to be okay with that.

1475
01:22:27.580 --> 01:22:28.880
If this turns into something,

1476
01:22:28.880 --> 01:22:30.300
you need to know that you're probably

1477
01:22:30.300 --> 01:22:34.340
not gonna be priority all the time, okay?

1478
01:22:34.340 --> 01:22:36.120
And so if you're not ready for that,

1479
01:22:36.120 --> 01:22:38.420
then this might not be the right mix for you.

1480
01:22:38.420 --> 01:22:40.740
Because depending on the ages of his kids,

1481
01:22:40.740 --> 01:22:44.620
you might not be the main focus for, you know,

1482
01:22:44.620 --> 01:22:47.220
when the kids are with their other parent and, you know,

1483
01:22:47.220 --> 01:22:49.620
so you'll get some one-on-one time then,

1484
01:22:49.620 --> 01:22:52.100
but you really do have to share a single parent

1485
01:22:52.100 --> 01:22:53.220
with their children.

1486
01:22:53.220 --> 01:22:55.540
You do, like a lot.

1487
01:22:55.540 --> 01:22:59.380
So very new, assuming a lot, let's not assume,

1488
01:22:59.380 --> 01:23:01.740
okay, you know what assuming says, right?

1489
01:23:01.740 --> 01:23:04.020
I don't need to say it cause we all know.

1490
01:23:04.020 --> 01:23:05.540
So we don't wanna do that.

1491
01:23:05.540 --> 01:23:06.900
We don't wanna make an ass out of ourselves.

1492
01:23:06.900 --> 01:23:09.580
And so also, if you really liked it,

1493
01:23:09.580 --> 01:23:12.180
if you feel like the connection, does he know Jesus?

1494
01:23:13.100 --> 01:23:15.580
No, he used to be Catholic and he said,

1495
01:23:15.580 --> 01:23:17.340
he really questioned dogma

1496
01:23:17.340 --> 01:23:19.380
and he actually offered to go to church with me.

1497
01:23:20.140 --> 01:23:21.180
He was asking all about church.

1498
01:23:21.180 --> 01:23:24.180
So I was like, okay, let's see.

1499
01:23:24.180 --> 01:23:26.260
Okay, so once again, we don't even just like Lily,

1500
01:23:26.260 --> 01:23:29.100
we don't even know if this is even a potential spirit mate.

1501
01:23:29.100 --> 01:23:30.460
You know, we have no idea.

1502
01:23:30.460 --> 01:23:32.340
So you obviously are vibing with him.

1503
01:23:32.340 --> 01:23:33.580
You had fun.

1504
01:23:33.580 --> 01:23:35.580
You know, maybe you haven't had anything, you know,

1505
01:23:35.580 --> 01:23:38.540
that went that well for a while or whatever.

1506
01:23:38.540 --> 01:23:40.740
And you're hoping that it was gonna turn into more

1507
01:23:40.740 --> 01:23:42.380
cause you know, you're ready for something

1508
01:23:42.380 --> 01:23:43.500
to turn into more,

1509
01:23:43.500 --> 01:23:45.780
but there's a lot of stuff going on here with this guy.

1510
01:23:45.780 --> 01:23:46.620
Right?

1511
01:23:46.620 --> 01:23:48.180
He's got kids, he's busy.

1512
01:23:48.220 --> 01:23:50.180
He obviously doesn't have a planner personality

1513
01:23:50.180 --> 01:23:52.420
because planners don't say, well, maybe we'll hang

1514
01:23:52.420 --> 01:23:54.180
and then they just don't say anything more.

1515
01:23:54.180 --> 01:23:56.060
I mean, my best friend will stalk me

1516
01:23:56.060 --> 01:23:58.300
until I give her a time and date for stuff.

1517
01:23:58.300 --> 01:24:00.380
Like she'll keep asking and keep asking.

1518
01:24:00.380 --> 01:24:02.300
Cause she can, cause we have that level of relationship,

1519
01:24:02.300 --> 01:24:04.860
but you can't cause you don't know this guy that well.

1520
01:24:04.860 --> 01:24:06.060
But I do will tell you this,

1521
01:24:06.060 --> 01:24:08.220
if you guys do end up hanging out again,

1522
01:24:08.220 --> 01:24:10.580
you need to drop the hint of, hey, you know,

1523
01:24:10.580 --> 01:24:14.660
like I like to plan my schedule a little bit in advance.

1524
01:24:14.660 --> 01:24:16.980
So, you know, if we're having fun,

1525
01:24:16.980 --> 01:24:18.660
you want to hang out again, you know,

1526
01:24:18.660 --> 01:24:21.500
I need to kind of know in advance time and date.

1527
01:24:21.500 --> 01:24:22.860
So that puts your, you know,

1528
01:24:22.860 --> 01:24:25.380
your little type A heart at ease.

1529
01:24:25.380 --> 01:24:27.780
And then that's great and good.

1530
01:24:27.780 --> 01:24:30.740
But once again, just like Lily, hold this very loosely.

1531
01:24:30.740 --> 01:24:31.940
We don't even know if this guy,

1532
01:24:31.940 --> 01:24:35.100
even as a contender for anything,

1533
01:24:35.100 --> 01:24:36.380
because I know that I gave the word

1534
01:24:36.380 --> 01:24:38.820
that a lot of people were gonna be in relationships

1535
01:24:38.820 --> 01:24:40.660
with people that, you know, would, you know,

1536
01:24:40.660 --> 01:24:43.060
were gonna be having growth spurt spiritually

1537
01:24:43.060 --> 01:24:45.900
and weren't necessarily living out their faith,

1538
01:24:45.900 --> 01:24:50.020
like at the same level as we are when we first meet them.

1539
01:24:50.020 --> 01:24:51.660
But you're gonna have to have grace for that word,

1540
01:24:51.660 --> 01:24:52.580
if that word's for you,

1541
01:24:52.580 --> 01:24:54.340
you're gonna have to have grace for it.

1542
01:24:54.340 --> 01:24:55.500
How will you know?

1543
01:24:55.500 --> 01:24:57.580
You'll have grace for it.

1544
01:24:57.580 --> 01:24:59.420
You're like, how will I know if I'm one of the people

1545
01:24:59.420 --> 01:25:00.500
that will have grace?

1546
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:00.840
Praise for this word.

1547
01:25:00.840 --> 01:25:01.680
And this word's for me.

1548
01:25:01.680 --> 01:25:02.920
You'll have grace for it.

1549
01:25:02.920 --> 01:25:04.480
Meaning that you'll have tolerance for it.

1550
01:25:04.480 --> 01:25:08.080
Understanding, not passivity, not enablement,

1551
01:25:08.080 --> 01:25:10.040
none of that, just grace.

1552
01:25:10.040 --> 01:25:11.080
Okay, you'll feel it.

1553
01:25:11.080 --> 01:25:12.320
It'll be supernatural.

1554
01:25:12.320 --> 01:25:13.400
It'll be great.

1555
01:25:13.400 --> 01:25:16.000
I see someone asking about the other thing about Lily.

1556
01:25:16.000 --> 01:25:17.880
Like, how would you know about the discernment?

1557
01:25:17.880 --> 01:25:19.440
How could you pray about that?

1558
01:25:19.440 --> 01:25:22.960
Well, all of you should be, before you're meeting people,

1559
01:25:22.960 --> 01:25:25.880
you should be praying that God would show you these people

1560
01:25:25.880 --> 01:25:28.080
after the spirit and not the flesh.

1561
01:25:28.080 --> 01:25:29.840
You wanna know people in the spirit.

1562
01:25:29.840 --> 01:25:32.480
We wanna be known after the spirit and not the flesh.

1563
01:25:32.480 --> 01:25:34.120
And so one of the ways you should be praying

1564
01:25:34.120 --> 01:25:36.040
before you go on any and every date,

1565
01:25:36.040 --> 01:25:38.320
before you start getting on an app,

1566
01:25:39.240 --> 01:25:42.840
you should be finding out if you should even be there.

1567
01:25:42.840 --> 01:25:44.320
Should I be on this app right now?

1568
01:25:44.320 --> 01:25:45.880
If you're not feeling like, you know,

1569
01:25:45.880 --> 01:25:46.760
like you shouldn't be,

1570
01:25:46.760 --> 01:25:48.880
if you're not feeling like a check in your heart,

1571
01:25:48.880 --> 01:25:50.240
like this is not the right timing,

1572
01:25:50.240 --> 01:25:51.800
I'm medicating with this.

1573
01:25:51.800 --> 01:25:53.360
I talk about that in my book.

1574
01:25:53.360 --> 01:25:55.000
A lot of people are fed up with apps

1575
01:25:55.000 --> 01:25:56.840
because they're medicating with apps.

1576
01:25:56.840 --> 01:25:59.000
They're using apps incorrectly.

1577
01:25:59.000 --> 01:26:00.400
And apps are burning them out

1578
01:26:00.400 --> 01:26:04.040
because they're not getting the dopamine hit from the app.

1579
01:26:04.040 --> 01:26:07.000
They're not getting what they are wanting from the app

1580
01:26:07.000 --> 01:26:09.760
because the app's not your source.

1581
01:26:09.760 --> 01:26:11.920
God is, right?

1582
01:26:11.920 --> 01:26:14.960
Okay, and so you gotta be on these apps

1583
01:26:14.960 --> 01:26:17.880
for the right reasons with the right heart.

1584
01:26:17.880 --> 01:26:20.360
In the right reasons, right seasons and right heart.

1585
01:26:20.360 --> 01:26:23.600
Otherwise you will be way better served

1586
01:26:23.600 --> 01:26:27.040
to just really focus on enjoying your life

1587
01:26:27.040 --> 01:26:31.440
and going after some other dreams and living in joy

1588
01:26:31.440 --> 01:26:35.760
and letting that be the introduction, okay?

1589
01:26:35.760 --> 01:26:38.080
I wrote this actually on my Instagram.

1590
01:26:38.080 --> 01:26:39.040
Let me read this to you

1591
01:26:39.040 --> 01:26:41.120
because I think this is important for this moment.

1592
01:26:41.120 --> 01:26:43.680
You have no idea how magnetic it is

1593
01:26:43.680 --> 01:26:45.760
when someone loves their life, okay?

1594
01:26:45.760 --> 01:26:48.360
And some of you are just hoping that you meet someone

1595
01:26:48.360 --> 01:26:49.600
who makes you love your life

1596
01:26:49.600 --> 01:26:50.640
because you don't love your life.

1597
01:26:50.640 --> 01:26:52.080
You guys, you got the cart before the horse.

1598
01:26:52.080 --> 01:26:54.480
You got it all backwards and upside down.

1599
01:26:54.480 --> 01:26:57.280
That's not the way it works, okay?

1600
01:26:57.280 --> 01:27:00.120
You have to create a life you love

1601
01:27:00.120 --> 01:27:03.840
because love's not going to complete you, another human.

1602
01:27:03.840 --> 01:27:05.880
They're going to join you.

1603
01:27:05.880 --> 01:27:09.280
And if they're gonna join a sad, sappy life,

1604
01:27:09.280 --> 01:27:11.560
then that's what they're gonna join

1605
01:27:11.560 --> 01:27:13.960
because they're not gonna change your life.

1606
01:27:13.960 --> 01:27:14.800
They're not.

1607
01:27:14.800 --> 01:27:16.480
Only you're gonna change your life.

1608
01:27:16.480 --> 01:27:17.680
Makes sense?

1609
01:27:17.680 --> 01:27:19.760
Hopefully it does because it's true.

1610
01:27:19.760 --> 01:27:21.320
All right, here's what I wrote.

1611
01:27:21.920 --> 01:27:26.440
The most magnetic thing you can be is fully alive.

1612
01:27:26.440 --> 01:27:28.800
Did you guys know John 10, 10?

1613
01:27:28.800 --> 01:27:31.960
Abundant there is actually defined as fully alive.

1614
01:27:31.960 --> 01:27:34.960
Like that's what the translation is from the original text.

1615
01:27:36.760 --> 01:27:39.080
Jesus saying, the thief is killed, still not destroyed,

1616
01:27:39.080 --> 01:27:44.080
but I have come that you might have life more abundantly.

1617
01:27:44.440 --> 01:27:47.160
That word means overflow and it means fully alive.

1618
01:27:47.160 --> 01:27:48.000
That's what it means.

1619
01:27:48.000 --> 01:27:48.960
So let's read it that way.

1620
01:27:49.000 --> 01:27:51.520
That you might have life to the overflow,

1621
01:27:51.520 --> 01:27:55.920
that you might have life or that you might be fully alive.

1622
01:27:57.000 --> 01:27:57.840
All right?

1623
01:27:57.840 --> 01:27:59.720
So the most magnetic thing that you can be

1624
01:27:59.720 --> 01:28:02.680
to anyone out there who's looking for a partner

1625
01:28:02.680 --> 01:28:04.880
is someone who is living out loud,

1626
01:28:04.880 --> 01:28:07.280
fully alive, loving your life.

1627
01:28:07.280 --> 01:28:09.760
I mean, that's the kind of life I want to join.

1628
01:28:09.760 --> 01:28:11.440
Have you ever interviewed at a job

1629
01:28:11.440 --> 01:28:13.440
and realized that during the interview

1630
01:28:13.440 --> 01:28:16.160
everyone seems really not happy to be here?

1631
01:28:16.160 --> 01:28:17.760
Do you want to join that job?

1632
01:28:17.760 --> 01:28:22.040
Do you want to take that offer of being in that workplace

1633
01:28:23.360 --> 01:28:26.520
where everyone seems really unhappy,

1634
01:28:26.520 --> 01:28:28.400
like they're imprisoned here?

1635
01:28:28.400 --> 01:28:29.640
No, you don't want to work there,

1636
01:28:29.640 --> 01:28:31.360
but you want to work there if you go to the interview

1637
01:28:31.360 --> 01:28:33.240
and everyone seems like they really get along

1638
01:28:33.240 --> 01:28:35.160
and they love each other and it's really fun there.

1639
01:28:35.160 --> 01:28:36.800
It's a fun atmosphere.

1640
01:28:36.800 --> 01:28:38.160
That's going to make going to work

1641
01:28:38.160 --> 01:28:39.800
feel like not work at all.

1642
01:28:39.800 --> 01:28:43.120
Yeah, you totally want to work there, don't you?

1643
01:28:43.120 --> 01:28:45.680
So do you guys see what I'm saying?

1644
01:28:45.680 --> 01:28:47.280
So if you're doing the dating apps,

1645
01:28:47.800 --> 01:28:49.640
it's a chore, it's causing you anxiety,

1646
01:28:49.640 --> 01:28:51.240
you're medicating with it,

1647
01:28:51.240 --> 01:28:53.360
you're, you know, it's like the magic eight ball.

1648
01:28:53.360 --> 01:28:54.960
You're like using it as your source,

1649
01:28:54.960 --> 01:28:56.920
trying to like, oh, I'm never going to meet anyone

1650
01:28:56.920 --> 01:28:59.320
unless I get on this app and I hate it here.

1651
01:28:59.320 --> 01:29:01.200
Then don't be there.

1652
01:29:01.200 --> 01:29:02.760
That's not right for you in this season.

1653
01:29:02.760 --> 01:29:06.000
What's right for you in this season is to work on yourself

1654
01:29:06.000 --> 01:29:08.520
and allow God to highlight you to someone

1655
01:29:08.520 --> 01:29:13.520
who wants to partner with what you've done with yourself.

1656
01:29:13.960 --> 01:29:14.800
Make sense?

1657
01:29:15.800 --> 01:29:16.640
Okay.

1658
01:29:16.640 --> 01:29:21.080
So same advice as Lily, if you're not feeling it,

1659
01:29:21.080 --> 01:29:22.200
don't force it.

1660
01:29:22.200 --> 01:29:24.480
If you didn't have fun hanging out with him,

1661
01:29:24.480 --> 01:29:27.960
don't hang out with him again on Thursday.

1662
01:29:28.800 --> 01:29:30.480
Also, you can't make someone

1663
01:29:30.480 --> 01:29:32.120
have the same personality type as you.

1664
01:29:32.120 --> 01:29:37.120
You guys, my husband is very different than I am

1665
01:29:37.200 --> 01:29:39.480
in a lot of ways, very, very different.

1666
01:29:39.480 --> 01:29:41.040
And that's what makes it work.

1667
01:29:41.040 --> 01:29:44.320
We don't sit around and hate each other for our differences.

1668
01:29:44.320 --> 01:29:46.240
We respect those differences

1669
01:29:46.240 --> 01:29:48.480
and we leverage those differences.

1670
01:29:48.480 --> 01:29:49.680
We leverage the strengths

1671
01:29:49.680 --> 01:29:52.440
and then we minimize the weaknesses of each other.

1672
01:29:54.840 --> 01:29:55.680
We do.

1673
01:29:56.520 --> 01:30:01.520
So make sure that you're having fun with yourself.

1674
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:06.040
My advice to you would be, if you don't feel like you can deal with that, okay, dating

1675
01:30:02.640 --> 01:30:04.520
I'm going to talk a little bit more about this

1676
01:30:04.520 --> 01:30:06.120
in a minute, but I want to talk to you

1677
01:30:06.040 --> 01:30:08.760
a single dad, whole different ball game.

1678
01:30:06.120 --> 01:30:08.680
about how you can have fun with yourself.

1679
01:30:08.760 --> 01:30:11.920
If that's not something that you feel like you want in this season of your life, then

1680
01:30:11.920 --> 01:30:13.320
you don't have to do it.

1681
01:30:13.320 --> 01:30:14.320
Okay.

1682
01:30:14.320 --> 01:30:15.320
Yeah.

1683
01:30:15.320 --> 01:30:20.360
I was trying to be, it's the first guy I've dated with kids and I was, you know, trying

1684
01:30:20.360 --> 01:30:29.560
to be open and, uh, kill my list that I have, but it's, you know, definitely, I'm just used

1685
01:30:29.560 --> 01:30:34.880
to having the guys, especially the Latin guys are all kind of very intense right in the

1686
01:30:34.880 --> 01:30:35.880
beginning.

1687
01:30:35.880 --> 01:30:36.880
Oh yeah.

1688
01:30:36.880 --> 01:30:39.880
Anxiously attached, romanticizing, Latin lovers.

1689
01:30:39.880 --> 01:30:41.800
Oh yes, for sure.

1690
01:30:41.800 --> 01:30:42.920
We just got back from Cartagena.

1691
01:30:42.920 --> 01:30:43.920
I can totally see that.

1692
01:30:43.920 --> 01:30:44.920
Cartagena, Cartagena.

1693
01:30:44.920 --> 01:30:45.920
Okay.

1694
01:30:45.920 --> 01:30:50.280
I'm like, I don't know if he's just not interested or if he's just a secure attacher.

1695
01:30:50.280 --> 01:30:51.280
I don't know.

1696
01:30:51.280 --> 01:30:56.080
But also I like that that's not the norm that you're used to.

1697
01:30:56.080 --> 01:30:57.160
That's kind of good.

1698
01:30:57.160 --> 01:31:02.320
So, you know, why don't you, uh, see what happens on Thursday and keep us posted.

1699
01:31:02.320 --> 01:31:03.320
Yeah.

1700
01:31:03.320 --> 01:31:04.320
Thank you.

1701
01:31:04.320 --> 01:31:05.320
Okay.

1702
01:31:05.320 --> 01:31:06.600
Remember friends, you do not need certainty.

1703
01:31:06.600 --> 01:31:10.560
I know that we think we do, but we don't, we do not need it.

1704
01:31:10.560 --> 01:31:15.340
And you guys, I know that we're over and we always say we're not going to be, but we did.

1705
01:31:15.340 --> 01:31:16.600
And hopefully you guys learned a lot tonight.

1706
01:31:16.600 --> 01:31:19.040
I feel like there was a lot of really Holy spirit moments tonight.

1707
01:31:19.040 --> 01:31:20.480
Who else does, who else falls?

1708
01:31:20.480 --> 01:31:26.960
Like there was a lot of Holy spirit moments tonight, a lot of good input, Hannah, as we're

1709
01:31:27.760 --> 01:31:28.760
leaving.

1710
01:31:28.760 --> 01:31:29.760
We're leaving in the next three minutes.

1711
01:31:29.760 --> 01:31:30.760
You got to just tell us what is it?

1712
01:31:30.760 --> 01:31:35.720
If I'm seriously considering moving far away from where I live now in the next couple of

1713
01:31:35.720 --> 01:31:45.000
months on your advice on whether or not, if I haven't been interested in dating really

1714
01:31:45.000 --> 01:31:50.640
most of this year, but if I've come across someone who has piqued my interest, who has

1715
01:31:50.640 --> 01:31:54.600
similar values, I'm just curious what you would advise.

1716
01:31:54.600 --> 01:31:58.160
I keep getting, you're moving away.

1717
01:31:58.160 --> 01:31:59.160
Very far away.

1718
01:31:59.160 --> 01:32:00.160
Don't you have kids?

1719
01:32:00.160 --> 01:32:01.160
Yes.

1720
01:32:01.160 --> 01:32:02.160
I have a daughter.

1721
01:32:02.160 --> 01:32:03.160
Okay.

1722
01:32:03.160 --> 01:32:04.160
And where's your daughter's father?

1723
01:32:04.160 --> 01:32:05.160
I'm sorry.

1724
01:32:05.160 --> 01:32:06.160
His, her dad.

1725
01:32:06.160 --> 01:32:07.160
Where is he at?

1726
01:32:07.160 --> 01:32:08.160
He he's passed.

1727
01:32:08.160 --> 01:32:09.160
He's okay.

1728
01:32:09.160 --> 01:32:10.160
So, so you, it's just you and her.

1729
01:32:10.160 --> 01:32:11.160
Yes.

1730
01:32:11.160 --> 01:32:12.160
And what's making you move far away?

1731
01:32:12.160 --> 01:32:23.880
I've always wanted to live in Florida and I have family that moved down there a year

1732
01:32:23.880 --> 01:32:24.880
ago.

1733
01:32:24.880 --> 01:32:28.460
And so it just seemed like the right time to go on an adventure.

1734
01:32:28.460 --> 01:32:29.880
And it's your question.

1735
01:32:29.880 --> 01:32:33.320
Should you still be dating where you are if you're moving?

1736
01:32:33.320 --> 01:32:36.840
Well, this he's not local.

1737
01:32:36.840 --> 01:32:41.400
So does he also want to move to Florida?

1738
01:32:41.400 --> 01:32:44.400
No, he's out of state.

1739
01:32:44.400 --> 01:32:48.600
It would be long distance either way, whether I'm here long distance either way, but you

1740
01:32:48.600 --> 01:32:53.240
know, you don't, you told him that you're going to move to Florida, right?

1741
01:32:53.600 --> 01:32:54.600
No, we have not connected.

1742
01:32:54.600 --> 01:32:58.840
This is just someone that I've has very recently.

1743
01:32:58.840 --> 01:32:59.840
Okay.

1744
01:32:59.840 --> 01:33:01.240
He piqued your interest.

1745
01:33:01.240 --> 01:33:03.160
Have you piqued his interest?

1746
01:33:03.160 --> 01:33:04.160
I don't know.

1747
01:33:04.160 --> 01:33:09.440
Oh, well, how the heck do you know this guy?

1748
01:33:09.440 --> 01:33:10.640
Is that not in your notes?

1749
01:33:10.640 --> 01:33:11.640
Oh, let me see.

1750
01:33:11.640 --> 01:33:12.640
You're like, it's secret.

1751
01:33:12.640 --> 01:33:13.640
Okay.

1752
01:33:13.640 --> 01:33:14.640
Let's see.

1753
01:33:14.640 --> 01:33:18.920
It could be in my notes and I didn't read it.

1754
01:33:18.920 --> 01:33:19.920
Okay.

1755
01:33:19.920 --> 01:33:20.920
Let's see.

1756
01:33:20.920 --> 01:33:21.920
Okay.

1757
01:33:21.920 --> 01:33:22.920
Her question.

1758
01:33:22.920 --> 01:33:23.920
Oh, okay.

1759
01:33:23.920 --> 01:33:24.920
All right.

1760
01:33:24.920 --> 01:33:43.920
Well, I think you should shoot your shot and see, drop the hanky and see what happens.

1761
01:33:43.920 --> 01:33:48.280
It doesn't say, it doesn't say in my notes exactly who it is though.

1762
01:33:48.280 --> 01:33:49.280
Just so you know.

1763
01:33:49.280 --> 01:33:50.280
Okay.

1764
01:33:50.640 --> 01:33:51.640
All right.

1765
01:33:51.640 --> 01:33:52.640
All right.

1766
01:33:52.640 --> 01:33:57.960
So all of your 18, 22 guys that are watching this here or in replay, take a good look at

1767
01:33:57.960 --> 01:34:02.080
Hannah in case we drop in your DMS and say that Hannah wants to meet you.

1768
01:34:02.080 --> 01:34:04.880
So now you know who she is and you know, she's moving to Florida.

1769
01:34:04.880 --> 01:34:08.520
So take all that into consideration and then pick up the hanky or not.

1770
01:34:08.520 --> 01:34:12.160
But you know who you are, but I don't know who you are, but I'm going to find out after

1771
01:34:12.160 --> 01:34:13.160
this.

1772
01:34:13.160 --> 01:34:14.160
All right.

1773
01:34:14.160 --> 01:34:15.160
All right.

1774
01:34:15.160 --> 01:34:16.160
You guys.

1775
01:34:16.160 --> 01:34:17.520
Thanks for joining us.

1776
01:34:17.520 --> 01:34:18.520
You guys.

1777
01:34:18.520 --> 01:34:22.640
You know, if, if it doesn't really matter what the circumstances are, people are willing

1778
01:34:22.640 --> 01:34:23.640
to relocate.

1779
01:34:23.640 --> 01:34:26.400
If they can relocate, a lot of you are going to relocate.

1780
01:34:26.400 --> 01:34:29.080
That's just going to be God's plan for you.

1781
01:34:29.080 --> 01:34:30.080
It is.

1782
01:34:30.080 --> 01:34:31.080
It's just going to be God's plan.

1783
01:34:31.080 --> 01:34:39.160
And so that being said, you know, be open, be open to what God has for you and and don't

1784
01:34:39.160 --> 01:34:44.800
be afraid to talk to someone who's long distance, lots of long distance relationships.

1785
01:34:44.800 --> 01:34:45.800
It's harder.

1786
01:34:45.800 --> 01:34:48.200
Yes, it's true, but it's not impossible.

1787
01:34:48.880 --> 01:34:51.480
It happens every single day in this community.

1788
01:34:51.480 --> 01:34:52.480
Okay.

1789
01:34:52.480 --> 01:34:56.680
In the, in the world, it happens every single day, but it happens every single day here

1790
01:34:56.680 --> 01:34:57.680
in this community as well.

1791
01:34:57.680 --> 01:35:00.000
So father God, I'm so thankful for all.

1792
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.240
all of your single sons and daughters and the plans and purposes you have for

1793
01:35:04.240 --> 01:35:06.000
their life and where you have them right now.

1794
01:35:06.000 --> 01:35:07.720
They're all in different places right now,

1795
01:35:07.720 --> 01:35:11.040
what they need to be working on and focused on. And so, Lord,

1796
01:35:11.040 --> 01:35:15.080
I pray that they would just press an even deeper with you in prayer,

1797
01:35:15.080 --> 01:35:17.480
praying in the spirit, praying with the understanding,

1798
01:35:18.040 --> 01:35:21.720
actually taking time out to just sit and listen, Lord,

1799
01:35:21.720 --> 01:35:25.160
to what it is that you're speaking to their hearts. Lord, I thank you, God,

1800
01:35:25.160 --> 01:35:27.600
that they're coming here and they're hearing your wisdom.

1801
01:35:27.880 --> 01:35:31.000
Continue to speak to us and through us, God, as we coach them.

1802
01:35:31.240 --> 01:35:32.120
And we thank you, God,

1803
01:35:32.120 --> 01:35:35.720
that they are going to be getting all kinds of breakthrough and transformation

1804
01:35:35.720 --> 01:35:40.320
in their lives in this last bit of spring, as we head into the summer of love,

1805
01:35:40.840 --> 01:35:44.760
love with you, love with ourselves and love with others in Jesus name. Amen.

1806
01:35:45.040 --> 01:35:47.320
All right, guys. Thanks for love seats. I'll see you soon. Bye-bye.