Welcome to love seats for May.
We may actually have some ask Jackie time here soon as well.
So if you don't get to ask your question tonight, like in the actual video, like you get to
be in the love seat, then you're going to have another opportunity.
Cause I really want to put an emphasis on coaching as we head into summer, as we head
to the end of spring and summer, I'm declaring like I always do in last year single that
this is a summer of love.
Okay.
I'm declaring it the summer of love.
And so what I mean by that is you growing in love with God, you know, understanding
his love for you, how deep it is, how wide it is, how amazing it is.
And then also you growing in love for yourself.
And then finally also that love being, you know, overflowed out into love for others,
specifically romantic love, but not only not exclusively specifically, but not exclusively
meaning that, you know, there's all different types of relationships that we need in our
lives.
And a lot of you do not have that.
You don't have that.
I was privileged to be on a retreat in Cartagena and it was amazing.
And all the ladies that came on that retreat, that was a woman only retreat females only.
And we had an amazing time of sisterhood.
People made new friends that I guarantee are going to be besties on this journey.
They're going to keep in touch.
They're going to cheer when each other, when clap on each other, when they're going to
be very supportive and who knows, they may even match make each other, but they definitely
will be there through the ups and downs.
And we all need that.
We all have to have that.
And here's one thing that I want to say as we head into love seats for tonight.
So if you're new to phase three, if you're new to, we call it last year, single community.
Now you guys were no longer calling it phase three.
We're calling it last year, single community, because we have a lot of different programs
going on right now.
There are people that are just in last year, single program.
They're working on their hearts.
They're learning how to date differently and better.
They're learning to how, how, how to have success in their area, in these areas of their
lives.
But in community here we have all different types of coaching that involves me.
I'm not involved in those, those parts of the program, except through video, right?
I'm not involved in those parts of the program.
So you guys have me here a lot.
You have me for supernatural Saturdays.
You have me someday, sometimes for Sunday night activations and prophetic nights.
You guys have me for love seats and you are going to be having me for ask Jackie.
So make sure you're putting your questions in there.
If you put it in a long time ago, put it in again, because we're going to delete all the
old ones and kind of start fresh starting at May 1st.
So if you have a question for us, Jackie, and it was never answered because we didn't
have a way to deliver it via the app.
If you did that, then go ahead.
And if it's still pertinent and you still need an answer to it, go ahead and resubmit
it to ask Jackie.
That's going to be in the resource tab on your app, gentlemen, in your group, on the
app, ladies in your group, on your app.
And when you do that, then you are going to, um, you know, I'll answer everything from
May 1st.
I'll, I'll answer everything from today.
May 6th, I'll answer everything from May 6th down.
So go ahead and resubmit that, delete your old one, or you don't even have to delete
your old one.
We'll delete everything up till maybe the last couple of days, anything that was put
in after May 1st, we'll delete.
So if you put it in just the last couple of days, fine, leave it.
But if you put it in April or March or February, and it still is a question that you have,
make sure that you resubmit it.
Okay.
All right.
So I see a lot of ladies from Cartagena here tonight, Jeannie's here, I see Ana here, um,
you guys got, did so many amazing things physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
And so, okay.
So this is what I was going to say.
You have to bring community into your relationship.
Okay.
And for a lot of you, we are your community.
You have to bring community into your relationship.
You have to bring friendships.
You're going to need that after you're married.
It's not going to just be the two of you against the world.
Okay.
That's not the way it works.
Those marriages do not, they're not healthy and they don't survive.
You have to be surrounded by strong friendships and mentorships and community and family.
And sometimes it's the family that we choose, not the family we were born to.
And so that is the first piece of advice tonight on love seats is that you have to have people
in your corner and in your life that you bring into marriage.
You have to have that.
It's really important.
And the second thing that I want to say is we're declaring it the summer of love because
a lot of you are going to accelerate in these areas in the next few months, as you know,
we go into summer and we head into the, you know, the dog days of summer, July, August
into September.
And because of that, you really need to prioritize replays.
If you can't be here.
This is not the time to cut and run from last year's single.
It's not the time to say, oh, you know, I'm just going to have fun this
summer and I'll come back in the fall.
I'm going to pause my subscription to the community and I'll come back later.
No, you need this more now than ever.
Okay.
Because helping you navigate and helping you get breakthrough and quite
frankly, helping you do things that you're not going to do on your own
without someone pushing you, you're not going to do it, you're just not going to.
Okay.
I know that in my own personal life, this is why I have a coach.
This is why I have a trainer.
I pay her $45 every time I go to see her.
Maybe that's not expensive, but I don't know.
To me, it is, I pay her $45 every time I go to see her.
I only see her once a week, but I go see her and she makes me do things
at the gym that I'm just going to tell you, I would never do on my own.
I would never do it.
Even if I knew how to do it, even if there was a list of what I was supposed
to do, she stands over me and she makes sure that I do not just that I do it,
that I do it right, that I have the proper form that I do as many reps as
I'm supposed to do and guess what?
I started seeing results almost immediately.
When I go to the gym, I just kind of like float from one machine to the next.
Like, how do I use this?
I don't push myself case in point.
I was with her a week ago and I wasn't able to sit down on the toilet for like
a whole week because my thigh muscles hurt so bad because I went on that
machine where, you know, you push, you push the plate forward with your legs,
the leg press, right?
I was on that machine.
And at first I was like, oh, it's too heavy.
Like you need to make it less weight.
Like I can't, I can't even like get it started.
And she was like, no, the first one, she's like, you have strong legs.
She's like, the first one is always the hardest.
She's like, you know, push it out.
And so I, I pushed it out.
And then as soon as I got it out, it wasn't as hard, like trying to get it there.
It was hard, but once I got it there, it was easier to kind of go back and forth
and do the reps that I needed to do.
And guess what?
I'm building the strongest muscle system of my body, your glutes and your thighs,
your glutes and your thigh muscles.
Those are the muscles that are going to burn the most calories while you're resting.
Those are the muscles for longevity, right?
The muscles that are going to help you get up from a sitting position.
You guys, we don't want to get old and get stuck on the toilet because we don't
have the strength to stand up.
We don't want to get stuck on the toilet.
That's a terrible place to be stuck, right?
No, we want to be able to stand up.
And so she's helping me do things that I would not force myself to do.
And so that's why it's important that you show up to love seats.
We're going to tell you the truth here.
You put your questions and ask Jackie and please don't have thin skin.
If you're going to put a question into ask Jackie, just know that
I do this because I love y'all.
This is why I'm here.
You know, I consider this a business tree.
Yeah.
It's my business of, you know, matchmaking and dating coaching,
but it's a ministry to me.
And I want you to have success.
And I've helped over 1600 people have success.
And I want you to be the next one.
By the way, we had like four weddings last week, last weekend.
Okay.
And an engagement, I think.
What was that the week before?
I don't remember.
I just lose track now, but the bottom line is, is that I want you to have success.
And so sometimes, you know, my bedside manner is not that, you know, the most
gentle, but my heart's gentle.
Sometimes my directness, I'm a very direct person if you haven't noticed.
And so do not get your panties in a wad.
I'm not coming at you.
I don't think anything bad about you.
In fact, after I leave this session, I'm not thinking about it at all.
I'm just saying in the moment, you know, what needs to be said.
And sometimes, you know, you need someone to tell it to you straight
because you're in your own way.
You need someone.
And if someone said it really nicely, you're not going to pay attention to that.
You know, you're not have someone stroke you and tell you, oh, it's going to be
okay, well, it's not going to be okay.
It isn't, I'm not going to tell you it's going to be okay because it's not going
to be okay if you continue to do what you're doing, it's just going to be the
same and what's happening already is not okay.
That's why you're miserable.
And that's why you're unhappy about it.
So I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's going to be okay if you keep
doing the same thing, I'm going to tell you, you have to change this and I'm
going to actually help give you, you know, information on how to change it.
And so will our other coaches, everyone, all of our coaches have different
temperaments, they have different styles.
Um, but you come here because, you know, I'm going to tell it to you straight and
you know, I'm going to give you wisdom.
Okay.
Who saw me on Fox TV on the Fox news talking about, about Bill Belichick,
the coach, the ex coach of the Patriots dating someone who's 49 years younger
than him who saw me there.
Just a couple of you saw that article.
Okay.
Well, maybe our, maybe our team can.
post it so that you guys can find it and see it.
But I gave it to it straight, you guys.
I was very diplomatic.
I was kind.
I didn't gang up on Bill Belichick.
I didn't call him a dirty old man.
I didn't, you know, I didn't, I didn't attack anybody,
but I gave the facts and I gave it to it.
I gave it to them straight.
Hey, this isn't a fairytale, Bill.
This is a fumble.
You're fumbling the ball, bro.
You know, I mean, cause quite frankly,
I have been, you know,
involved in lots of May, December romances,
not myself, but my clients.
And when you have a age difference like that,
you're just embarrassing your family.
Okay.
When you're, when you're a man who is in his seventies
and you're dating a 24 year old woman, you know,
your children who are older than her,
they are ashamed of you.
Okay.
Let's just talk about it straight.
There isn't like, oh,
my dad, he finally found the love of his life.
And it just happens to come in a 24 year old,
they're twin flames, they're old souls.
No, y'all.
I ain't saying she a gold digger,
but I am saying that the relationship
is the thousand percent transactional.
We have an aging ego that's being propped up
by a girl who's smart in the way that she knows
what she wants and she knows how to get it.
Money, real estate, cars, influence, attention.
Do you think a washed up beauty queen
who was first runner up in a pageant, not even the queen,
you think that she's going to get this type of fame
and influence from just being whoever she is?
Oh, she's going to ride this gravy train
all the way to the station.
I didn't say all that on Fox News
because I was trying to be as kingdom as possible.
Okay.
But the bottom line is, is that in all of you
we're thinking about possibly getting into an age range.
Someone told me today that their family member is single
and in their forties and is saying that
they really want to meet someone in their twenties.
It's a man and they want to meet someone in their twenties.
A female.
No, y'all, no.
First of all, you don't get to just decide
that you want to date someone 20 years younger
than you gentlemen, because you like young women
or because you're like, well, I want to have kids.
First of all, women in their thirties and forties
and even into their fifties can have children.
And second of all, you don't get to do whatever it is
you've been doing with your life
and then show up in your forties, fifties and sixties
and want a woman 20, 30 years younger than you
just because you want to have children now.
That's not the way this works.
Okay.
It's not the way it works.
Okay.
And so if that is what you want and that's your mindset
that you feel like you deserve some young woman
and that's what your, you know, your taste is.
And that's where you're, you know, focusing
all of your energy and time trying to get that
or attract that, then this is probably
not the right place for you
because I'm not on board with that.
I'm not on board with that.
Now, does God sometimes bring people together
that are May, December romances?
Yes, but it's hard.
Okay.
That's not a glamorous match.
And this is why, let me tell you this.
I had no intention of saying this,
but I'm going to say this tonight
because anything over 10 years is considered May, December.
What does that mean?
It means you're in different seasons of life.
Okay.
Different seasons of life.
And it goes all the way from 10 up to 50 years,
different seasons of life.
Like let's take Bill Belichick, for instance.
This guy's in his seventies.
He should be thinking about lineage and legacy
and retirement and probably his health, his family.
That's what he should be thinking about.
That's where his mind should be.
Not on a young piece of, you know what?
And that girl, her season that she's in
in her early twenties, you guys,
she's not even 25 years old.
She's the same age as my daughter.
If my daughter brought home a 70 something year old man,
oh, heck no.
Okay.
So where's this girl's mama at?
I don't know.
But the bottom line is,
is that she is just trying to figure out
some things in life, right?
Discovery, exploration, identity.
That's what we're doing over here.
These are way different seasons
and these seasons do not go together.
An older guy that I know who's in it,
almost in his seventies.
He's like, oh, he's like, he's having fun.
Just let him have fun.
You know, he's in love.
No friends.
If you want to have fun,
then take your grandchildren
that are the same age as your girlfriend to the park.
Take them on vacation.
If you want the energy of young people,
then get around some young people,
but that's not the way to do it.
So we got to match seasons, you guys.
And once again, once again,
that doesn't mean that just because
you decided to build your career
or you decided to mess around
and do other things and be.
involved in other relationships and never get married.
And then you're making it to these older seasons of life.
The forties and fifties are still very building seasons.
Those are building, building seasons, even into your sixties.
In fact, they say that the most productive seasons
or decades of someone's life, get this,
are your sixties, then your fifties,
then your seventies, then your forties.
And that's an order.
Okay.
They're saying your sixties are your most productive.
We're going to get the most things accomplished.
We're going to have the most success.
And then the one right after that is your fifties.
And then third on the list is your seventies.
And then your fourth on the list is your forties.
Okay. So these are not built.
These are not seasons where you're not doing anything,
but the things that you're doing are different
than the things that you did in your twenties and thirties.
Very different.
The things you're doing in your forties are very different
than the things you're doing in your seventies
or even sixties.
And you guys, well, the reason why I say
it's not a glamorous match, not that God can't ever do it.
One of my closest friends is married to a man
who's 20 years older than her.
But when they got married, she was like 32
and he was like 52.
But now she's 42 and he's, do you see how it doesn't,
it doesn't get better as it goes on.
You're going to deal with problems
that other people are not going to deal with.
When he's 82, she's only going to be 62 years old,
you guys in like sixties, the new 30.
And so what are you going to do
when you're married to an 82 year old
and you're only 62 years old?
Okay. So there's a lot of stuff happening there.
And you guys, and this is relative
because some people are broke down at 45
and some people can run circles around you at 85.
So it's also very relative,
but once again, it is about seasons
and it's about respecting your family.
If you have children, it's about respecting them.
It's about how do they feel about this?
You know, it's about not bringing shame
or reproach on yourself for being in the things
for the wrong reasons.
Also gentlemen, you know, if a, you know,
I don't want to say that she's hot because I feel like
if there wasn't a 50 year age difference,
then, I'll just put it this way.
I don't think that our coach friend
would be dating this woman if he was 30 and she was 24.
I don't think that he would think that that's,
that she's so attractive
if there was a six year age difference.
It's the 50 year age difference,
I think that is the attraction there, right?
But once again, you know, you have to be ready
for people to raise their eyebrows at that
and to probably consider that you're being taken advantage
of and maybe feel sorry for you
because really what does a person of that age group
really want with you?
So I guess what I'm saying to you is that
if it seems too good to be true, especially you gentlemen,
it is too good to be true.
It is too good to be true, right?
She doesn't like you for your, you know,
sense of humor or your conversation.
She doesn't like your receding hairline.
What she likes is your wallet or the security
or safety that you're bringing to the situation.
And so please take that into consideration
because in nine times out of 10, nine cases out of 10,
that's what's gonna be true.
That's what's gonna be true of that, okay?
All right.
Had no intention of talking about that,
but it definitely needs to be said.
Mm-mm.
And you guys, this whole thing, by the way,
there's some creepy, creepy people out there.
I'm just gonna tell you that right now.
You know, they're like, well, as long as she's legal.
So this whole thing about, what is this thing you guys
about taking your age and subtracting
and then adding seven or whatever?
Someone tell me what that is.
Tell me what those, tell me what that saying is.
Divide your age in half and add seven.
Thank you.
Okay, so that would be a 40-year-old dating a 27-year-old.
No.
No, you guys.
First of all, you don't have anything in common
with a girl who's 27 years old
and also, and even the other way around.
And the reason why is because Gen Z,
whoo, they're different, you guys.
Gen Z, they're calling them the anxious generation
for a reason.
These kids in their 20s, like Gen X,
when we were in our 20s, we had already been working
since we were 14, 15 years old, okay?
Most of us had jobs by then, all right?
We drove at 15 and a half, 16.
We had our license, we were latchkey kids.
worked, we came home, we knew how to cook,
we knew how to feed ourselves.
Uh-uh, y'all, millennials are not like that,
and for the most part, some millennials are,
the older ones, but the younger millennials,
so anyone like 33 and under, for the most part,
that's not how they are.
They don't leave the home.
Do you guys know that they extended adolescence
to 30 years old?
They extended young adulthood to 30, okay?
Because I'm telling you, they're traumatized.
I don't want this to become a soapbox,
but they're traumatized.
They are the digital, the digital generation,
they're traumatized by all the, you know,
technology and how they've been raised
and all the things that have happened.
They have so much anxiety and they're very immature.
Dating a 27-year-old now, unless they've been raised
by, you know, people that made them get a job
at 14 years old and made them drive and do all the things,
they're very young.
27-year-old now is more like a 20-year-old
or a 19-year-old.
How do I know?
Because I have a 27-year-old.
Both of my son-in-laws are 27.
My daughter is 27.
My other daughter is 24 and my son is 29.
I know what I'm talking about, okay?
And they were raised right.
We made them pay for their own cars,
their own car insurance, and they're still very immature
because of the way that the world is working nowadays, okay?
So please, you guys, stop idolizing youth.
Stop doing that.
First of all, I'm gonna tell all of you guys
that are watching right now live and in replay,
I'm 50 years old and I'm a smoke show, okay?
I'm hot.
And so if you think that 50-year-old women can't look good,
all of you guys that are 53, 54, 57, 60 years old,
even some of you 45-year-olds,
you can even date a woman who's older than you.
Oh, what?
Yes, you can, all right?
Gen X is out here aging like fine wine.
So stop idolizing youth.
It's important.
There's so many beautiful, amazing women in this community
that are over 40 years old and they're incredible, okay?
All the way from 40 into their 60s.
There's some women in this community
that they're like, I'm 65 years old, Jackie.
You're lying.
There's no way.
And it's not because, you know,
they had their ears taken off and sewn back.
And, you know, it's not because of that.
It's because they just look amazing.
They've taken care of themselves and they look great.
And so, and they're super active.
It's not just that they look great, they feel great.
They're like the Energizer bunny.
They're running circles around people half their age.
So please stop making, you know,
stop idolizing youth when it comes to trying
to pick a romantic partner.
Stop doing it.
Okay, ears taken back and so, taken off, you guys.
Taken off and sewn back on.
All right.
We're going to jump in the love seat, you guys.
Holy Spirit must have wanted to say all that stuff
because I had no intention.
No, no intention.
I'm pulling for you guys.
If God does, if God, you're not gunning for it,
you're not looking for it,
but if God puts you in a large age difference relationship,
anything over 10 years, 10 to 15 years or more,
and he puts you there,
just know that you're going to have some unique struggles.
If God put you there,
you'll be able to overcome those things.
Because I said it on the interview
and I'm going to say it again.
95% of relationships that have anywhere
over a 10 year age difference to 15 or 15,
15 year age difference, all 95% of them,
those marriages end between three and five years.
Those relationships end between three and five years.
95%, you guys, that's a big number.
So important for you to understand.
And the reason why is because a lot of really,
really unique issues in those types of relationships.
Okay. All right.
Let's jump in the love seat together.
I have a few people who have signed up.
If you're new here and you want to sign up
for the love seat,
all you have to do is let, you know,
the love seats on the calendar.
And right before love seats happens,
really all throughout the month,
if you have some unique issues
and you're asking your coaches in your community,
what you should do about it.
Sometimes your coach will say, you know,
that's a good.
question for love seats. I can give you my advice, but I'd love for you to get Jackie's advice in
the love seat. And that's how you get in the love seat. And then also you can just volunteer. You
can volunteer as tribute. I want to be in the love seat. And then you can tell, you know,
you can post in your group, you're in your community. Hey, I'd like to be in the love seat.
They used to put up a post asking if people wanted to be in the love seat. I don't know
if they still do that or not, but that is how you can get in the love seat. Okay. All right.
Cool. All right. Here are the people that want to get in the love seat tonight. And then we'll
take any questions from the people that are just here. Got 126 people here live. I'm sure we can
get some good questions going. Now, if you do get in the love seat, I need you to give me the
rundown of your question. I need you to get your question really fast. I can't have five minutes
of backstory. Just give me the facts, only the facts, please. And do it in 120 seconds or less.
And I have read your synopsis already. So I'm kind of already briefed on what the issue is.
So Simone, are you here? Simone? You got Simone in the house?
I do not see her. Are you here?
Okay. Kristen Mitchell. Are you here?
Yes, I'm here. All right. Kristen, iPhone. I see you. All right.
Okay. It's me and you. Okay. Okay. So I heard that you are engaged. I am. When did this happen?
I have no pictures of you. What happened? When? I did not post any pictures yet. It
happened about three weeks ago. Okay. I joined in January of 2024 and did the heartwork and then
kind of put myself out there on Facebook dating and also was kind of thinking, all right,
we'll try something different, like maybe out of the box, someone I wouldn't normally go for.
So I dated a widower and we've dated this whole year. He's a year younger than me.
I was married for 30 years and divorced for four. And now I have three adult children now and a
grandbaby. So my question is, since I've gotten engaged now, my daughter is not thrilled with him.
She never really liked him from the beginning, even his profile picture. He rides a Harley,
has a beard. He's the hunter Fisher, you know, kind of outdoorsy kind of guy. And she's like,
mom, that's not for you. But I'm like, you know, it's good to think outside the box and maybe not
always go for someone that is always, let me ask you this. What do you, what, so you say he's a
three Ms. He's masculine. He's mature. He's marriage minded. Does he, is he have a life of
faith? He does. Okay. So, you know, and are you attracted to him? Yes. Okay. And you've dated for
a whole year. Yes. Okay. So pay attention to that friend. She came in, in January 24 and by January
25, 12 months later, she was in a marriage minded relationship and now she's engaged and she got
engaged three weeks ago. Daughter's not on board, but also you and daughter have been really
codependent and tied at the hip since you're, since, you know, you got divorced or widowed
divorce. Okay. And you've only been divorced for four years. What's her relationship with her dad?
I have no contact with him and she doesn't either. Okay. So she has no dad in her life right now.
That's correct. She has a grandpa and an uncle and she's married, but her dad is not in her life.
Okay. So number one, you guys want you to pay attention to this. Um, she has daddy issues.
Okay. Even if she has uncle and grandpa, she has daddy issues and that's what this guy would be.
Okay. This is what, this is the position that he's applying for is to be your husband and your
husband, essentially in most people's minds is some kind of parental figure to your children.
I know they're grown up. It doesn't matter. Okay. So she's projecting all of the angst that she has
about dad onto this guy first and foremost. Okay. So she's picking him apart. She's finding things
wrong with him, all the things she's scared of losing you. Okay. Because you've, she's had your
undivided attention and now, you know, you're falling in love. You've been dating him for a
year. She probably thought that it would, you know, phase out, but it didn't you're together.
And now you're getting married and you're going forward. Um, she probably didn't start actually
voicing a lot of concern until, you know, you had been with him for a while and things didn't look
like they were going away. Like you're going to get, you're getting more and more serious and
now she's getting more and more upset. Right. So true. How, how has he tried? How has he tried?
How does he feel about her and how has he tried to win her?
over. So he's really tried to reach out to her and to the family. He hosted Thanksgiving.
He's taken my parents and her boating. He has a boat, done some things like that. But
she has seen some things I think that other family members have seen too. And so since
the engagement, my parents have also then voiced some concerns and this has gotten him
kind of upset because he's like, you know, your parents were all on board. And then,
you know, now they're not. And so tell me what, tell me what, what is everyone noticing
about him? So the things that they've complained about are that he can talk a lot in conversations,
kind of dominate conversations at times. He's brought up a couple things about like, say
insurance, maybe you should try something this way or try something to the kids. They
don't want to hear any of that, you know? And so is that his field insurance? He, it
was. Okay. So he's trying to give them advice on their insurance. Yeah. He did that one
time. Also the other complaint that my parents, I know. Right. So, well, so one of the complaints
my parents noticed is that he can be critical of me and in front of them. So like, so tell
us about that. That seems to be the yellow flag. None of this other stuff is yellow flags
for me. What is that? So like I made a pie one time and he's bringing it up. You should
put the pie in longer. You know, the pie's not done yet. And they're very sensitive to
the fact that he would criticize me because they saw me in an abusive situation. And I
was married for 30 years. Okay. And so what else we got? Uh, that's about it. Let me ask
you something. Is this a thing that we're calling criticism? Like him telling you that
there's a different way to do it or a better way to do it? Yes. That's what he's telling
me is that I'm not criticizing you. He's like, even if you feel like it is, I want you to
know that I'm just trying to like help you. But does he ever compliment you or praise
you? Yes. Okay. Do they see that? Um, not as much, I think, you know, it, it'll give
us some instances of, um, give us some instances. Do you ever do anything right? That he's like,
you know, doesn't say anything about, doesn't give his two cents about, no, usually he'll
say that's great. Yeah. So these are one-offs. And the reason why I have a hard time with
this is because my husband, um, he can talk the hind leg off a mule. First of all, him
and his father, both, you know, they don't have a lot of, you know, awareness of how
much they're talking. Cause they know a lot of things. They have a lot of stories and
they want to share. And then secondly, my husband, there is a right way to do something.
He was only child raised by a very homemaking mother. And so I D you know, I load the dishwasher
wrong. I make the bed wrong. I do like, he's not, he loves me. He's literally like, you're
beautiful. You're amazing. You're one, if you're so smart, you're so, and you're so wise, you're
this, you're that. But like when it comes to stuff like this, he's like, babe, that's not the way.
So, yeah. And he does that with me too. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So anyhow, I just felt like
I wanted to talk to you about it because am I seeing something, you know, coming out of an
abusive relationship and I love my daughter so much and I love my parents so much and I've been
so close to them. And I want them to be happy for me and their concern for me.
I mean, you know, you're telling me you've been in an abusive relationship. So, and hopefully
through the hard work, you're not an enabler and you're not ignoring things that you shouldn't
ignore, but going off what you're saying right now, it sounds like, you know, they're looking
for faults with him, you know? Was the pie underdone? Did the pie need to go back in the
oven? Did it need to be cooked longer? My mom was like, no, it didn't need to be, but I don't know.
It was one of those things, you know, that I look back and, but I wanted to get your advice on this
because I've, I've really been struggling with it because I'm like, Lord, I just want what you want.
He wants what you want. We both want what God wants. And if this is not what he wants for us,
then I'm willing to let it go. Well, here's the thing. The thing is, is that you haven't
been dating him for, you know, uh, 10 weeks. You've been dating him for over 10 months.
You've been dating him for a year, longer than a year, and now you're engaged. And so,
Um, if you're, you know, not telling us that you feel unsafe, if you're telling us that
you feel seen and loved and heard, um, and your family is just kind of freaking out.
Cause you know, your parents are older, obviously they want you to be safe.
They already saw you suffer.
They don't want you to go through that again.
And also just like your daughter, they don't want you being pulled away from them and not,
you know, not being able to have your help or your attention or any of those things,
guys, I want you to hear this.
I know we want our families to be happy for us, our closest friends to be happy for us,
but it's not always a red flag when they're not.
Because if we have been people pleasers, if we have over served people, if we've dedicated
our entire lives, our single lives as a single to serving our families and serving our children
and all these people, guess what?
They don't want to lose that.
They don't.
They don't want to get fearful because they're like, Oh, what does this new life look like?
Now that that this person is not going to be fully focused on doing what we need them
to do.
Right.
Okay.
And so if he, you have dated him for over a year now and you have, you know, and you
feel happy and safe and in love and you don't feel like he's over criticizing, you do feel
like he's being led of the spirit.
You do feel like he loves you.
And that, you know, when he does say something, it's just like constructive.
It's not, you know, like you can never do anything, right.
That's definitely a flag.
If someone's always, you know, telling you that everything that you're doing is wrong.
But based on what you're telling me, I think that people are triggered.
They're afraid.
I think that, you know, as you guys continue to move forward and people come to peace with,
Hey, it can't be changed.
They're not going to stop you.
They're not going to keep you from doing it that they'll begin to settle down.
Okay.
Thank you, Jackie.
I really appreciate you and your ministry and shout out to Renee Rizzo too.
Yes.
Awesome.
I don't know if she's here tonight.
Yes.
You know, Renee is in a relationship now, you guys, she's in a very marriage minded relationship.
So once again, what you help make happen for others, God will make happen for you.
For those of you that are brand new, Renee used to be one of our coaches.
You probably saw her in phase two teaching online dating.
And so, um, but she's also was a student, not just a coach and she is having success.
You guys, if you work it, it works all right.
It may not just take a year for some of you, some of you like, like our sister right here,
you know, she has been, you know, connected, but dating this guy for over a year, she's
just now getting engaged.
Um, I'd also love to see a picture of you guys together.
I can see a lot of dynamics and I would love to see you guys in Simba's okay.
That will allow us to get a really close view of the two of you together as well.
Um, but based on everything that you've said to me, I don't see anything red.
Thank you, Jackie.
So much.
Yes.
Have grace for these people.
They love you.
They're just trying to protect their interests and yours.
They don't want to lose you.
I love them.
So I know you do.
I know you do.
And you're not going to lose them.
Okay.
Um, they're not losing you.
They're just gaining someone who can love them as well.
And you deserve, you matter too.
You deserve to be happy too.
Yeah.
All right.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Okay.
I'll remove the spotlight.
Okay.
All right.
We're back in the gallery.
That was a really good one.
Um, is Simone here now?
Does she come?
Okay.
I don't see her.
Uh, Lori Jean, are you here?
I don't see Lori Jean.
Hi Jackie.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
Are you here?
Is you Lori?
Yeah.
Yep.
Right here.
Okay.
Keep talking.
Just unmute yourself and talk till I find you.
Okay, cool.
Well, I just wanted to say, I am so grateful to have found you.
I got to take these off.
I can't talk.
I have found you because it's really been life changing for me.
Um, I feel like I was somebody that was kind of in that coma that you talk about and the
challenges were kind of hiding away in life and, um, you know, kind of happy with my grown
kids and, and those kinds of things, but not, but you know, just didn't think anything else
was going to happen for me again in my life.
And, um, I just felt like new, a new freedom and a new hope after you said that the desire
in my heart for a marriage that was God given, because I did believe that and, um, took some
steps into following some of the things that you said.
And, and when you, when you said this about now is the time, the season has changed.
The bondage of your bear in winter has ended.
The season of hiding is over and gone.
I just grasped, grabbed onto that and I started to expectedly prepare.
That's awesome.
And so, um, I decided to get rid of the little bit of upholstery I had on to kind of keep
everybody away and take a chance on working out again.
I got a trainer, I got a nutritionist, no longer diabetic, no longer.
under high blood pressure. That's awesome. Just started
pursuing really happy things that I found joy and I wanted to
find the joy and I love it. So thank you for that. Because some
of your words just sparked me back to life and God opened my
eyes and took away that coma. And so anyways, I decided well,
one of the things I do is get off this Christian mingle
because I just saw nothing on there anyways, probably because
of my mindset. And, and before I did that, though, I just prayed
out to God that you know, this is a desire in my heart. And if
it is your from you, please, you know, this is what I would
look for in a man if you think that's what I should have. And
if you don't, if I'm not supposed to have this desire,
take it away. I was just done. I was one of the story that God
has for me. Absolutely. So I went on to get rid of my
Christian mingle. And all of a sudden I felt and I only wanted
a Southern California guy because I like the surf. I like
water. I like all that. He said, tap tap Holy Spirit. He may not
be in Southern California, girl. What? Yeah. And but my son had
moved away to Northern California. So I thought, okay,
I'll open it to Northern California. And this is scary.
But all of a sudden, I just saw this profile and it was ting and
it was like everything that I prayed about. So I just liked
the profile. And the next day he messaged me and we just all the
conversations I had had on there. So I didn't shut off
Christian mingle, but we just hit it off and everything just
kind of was so exciting. And so and anyway, I don't know where
I'm going with all this, but so now it's a year and a half. So
okay, so you guys have been dating for a year and a half.
Yes. Okay. And how long and how many hours away are you and
Southern and he's in Northern six hours. Okay. And how long
has it been exclusive, like serious dating of the year?
Pretty much the beginning because I wasn't in your dating
advice yet. And he said that on the first date that, you know,
he likes to just date one person at a time or whatever.
You guys kind of rushed in got serious, but it's a year and a
half now. And we're not getting any younger. So where's this
going? So that's what I'm wondering. Because, um, yeah,
things did go really well. And it was really great for both of
us. But he was and I also asked for a man who knew how to love
a wife. And he definitely did. He was married for 30 years and
lost his wife. And that's been four years ago. And so, um, and
then he has a son that has a lot of health issues. And, um, so,
but we are really grateful. And it's been a great relationship.
He's respected the boundaries that you set up in dating for
waiting for each other. But you know, um, I've been married
before and it's getting old. I might I have.
Okay, so have you had this? Have you had this conversation with
him? Yeah, I agree with you. A year and a half is way too long
to not know that this is headed to marriage. It's not way too
long to not be married. You guys, some people are going to
have situations where you're not married in a year or less,
that's fine. But you need to know, like, you're not even
engaged, like, we're like, have you had this conversation? Like,
do you want to
run it up in May, five months after we started dating? And so
okay, he wanted to marry me, I felt the same way. We were
really excited. He wants to look at houses and where we'd want to
move. We know we're looking at where we're going to hire all
these talks and talks and talks. Okay. He asked about proposing
if it should be a surprise, whatever. So we, you know, I
said, just surprise me, whatever. Well, then October,
you know, he hadn't, and we were still talking like that. And so
I found every fun thing we did, I felt disappointed after. And
so I wanted to tell him that. Because Oh, my gosh, he's
playing. Did you tell him that I did? And then what he just said,
I know. And I wanted to because I just feel like I'm kind of
walking through mud or something's holding me back. I
don't really know what it is. Okay, things I have to do. I've
got my house. It's all it looks like his wife is still actually
living there because he's a guy and he had a six son. And so he
never really fixed up the house. I mean, it's really nice
house, but you know, so okay, stuff in his head. Okay, so that
was October. And now November, December, January, February,
March, April, May, there's seven months later. Yeah. Okay. So I
talked to Carla, because now I got into this, because that's I
said, Okay, this is enough. I need to know. Am I getting
panicked? Is it just me with my issues? Or is it? And so I talked
to Carla, I met with her. And she was valid, you should ask
him because I told him to stop talking about it. Yes,
absolutely. Stop talking about it. No talk action only. And
then what did he say when you told him?
So I stopped talking about it. And then it was my birthday was
coming up. He planned a special birthday. And so he comes in.
And we're and she goes, You don't tell me you want to like
don't don't give me the ultimatum. Don't just say, Oh,
we have to talk. She goes, just pray and ask for God for a time
to bring it up lightly and kind of in a fun way. So we're
having dinner. And he's like, Oh, my gosh, where should we go
for our next vacation? And I'm like, a honeymoon. I just felt
I just felt the Holy Spirit saying that. And that's when he
said, Well, I decided that I don't know if I can commit to
that right now. Because my son is not doing well. And he's not
he's getting worse suddenly. And his father in law,
what do you mean he's getting worse? What's wrong with his
son? Does his son live with
him? Yeah, he's has this very serious illness. And it started
when his mom died. And then he was really bad. And then he got
better. He's been better, better, better. And now since
last September, he's been seriously declining. And now
it's getting pretty serious. And he just said, you know, before
when he first got this, you've met, you've met his son, you've
seen him. I love his son. His son loves me. Okay. All of our
kids have got great relationship needs or something or what?
What's going on? I hate to say too much because I'm being
recorded, but he's like, he has Crohn's disease. I mean, no one's
gonna see this. Okay, I know. I just did. Yeah. Okay. Anyway,
he has Crohn's disease. And so he's not getting better. And
he's declining. Okay, so that's an autoimmune situation. So
sometimes drugs stop working. When you have that kind of
stuff, like they'll work, and then you'll be in remission, and
then they'll not work and then all the things. So okay, so he's
going through a hard time with his son. And you're having
compassion. You're like, well, that makes sense. You know,
your son's not doing well. But you said this was this was you
guys, this is gonna sound harsh, but I'm gonna I have to I have
to help Lori get out of her own way here. His son just recently
started declining. So he was stable.
Yeah, so September, he started not being able to go to his
youth, his singles group at church, not being able to play
volleyball and not being able to sometimes not able to go to
church. The pain is really a silent pain is very big. And so
yeah, so that was my question is, is this so I decided just I
want to show grace and stuff. But but part of it in the
conversation that we had after we got back was, I said, you
know, I'm a helper. And I'm an encourager. And Jake loves me.
I've got really good I go, I would like to be helpful and
enter in I don't really know I'm confused as to why this would be
the end of possibly making a plan together.
Yeah. So like I said, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you what you need
to know. And that is that, you know, this is someone who you
know, the, the making plans and talking about being married and
talking about all of those things, you know, that future
forecasting with no action, it's very detrimental. Okay, it's
also very unhealthy. And, you know, I understand that, you
know, his wife has passed away. Basically, what he's doing, how
often you see each other?
Every two to three weeks.
Okay. So what he's doing is, is that he's fulfilling his need
for companionship with you probably has a lot lesser of a
need for, you know, companionship than you do. So
he's fulfilling that with this relationship. How often do you
guys talk when you're not seeing each other?
Um, five out of seven nights.
Okay, on the phone?
For how long?
Video chat, about an hour.
To video chatting and you know, having relationship and then
you're seeing each other. And, you know, you want to move
forward. You did all the prep work, you have gotten excited,
you're doing you know, you're doing all the things and then
you get in this relationship that has you, you know, on a
merry-go-round, right? You're just going round and round and
round and round and you're not getting anywhere. Okay. And so
you have to be willing to let it go. And I know that's hard, but
you have to be willing to let it go because now it's become what
we call a situation ship. Okay. This man is not marriage minded
right now. And he told you that he told you, I don't know where
I am right now. Before he was always talking about, yeah,
we're gonna get married when he married. That's like anxious
attachment, right? He was excited. You know, he has his
wife has passed away. At that point, she had been passed away
for what, three years, you know, two and a half years, he grabs a
hold of you. He's like, super excited. I want to get married.
I want to marry you all these things. And now what's happening
is that that excitement is starting to give way to, you
know, him being really satisfied with what it is that you guys
have going here. But guess who isn't satisfied? You, you're not
satisfied. You want more and you deserve more. You deserve
someone who's going to commit to you that wants to build a life
with you. Once again, his son being sick, like you said, it's
a stupid excuse because how old's the kid? 28. He doesn't
have a mom. He lives at home. He's sick. He really likes you.
You're the kind of person that could be there and help him, you
know, so it doesn't make any sense that he would be the
reason why your boyfriend is pulling back from, you know,
going forward in relationship. The real reason is, is that he's
not really sure he wants to make that level of commitment. He did
not sure if he wants that type of change. And if he's not sure
that he wants marriage, then he doesn't want you because you're
sure that you want marriage.
And so my question to you is Lori, truthfully,
do you have what it takes to let this go?
Yeah.
You do.
And that's where the faith, oh yeah.
Because, and so I've cried and I still feel sad.
I feel some grief,
but I only want the man that God has for me.
Of course you do.
I really don't want to go after something
because I'm attached to it.
You don't want to beg someone to commit.
You're not going to beg someone to commit to you.
No, you're not.
The thing is, is that this relationship is not a loss
because you've learned a lot of things.
You've learned what you want
and what you're not willing to put up with in relationship.
Okay.
And so, you know, it's time to move on.
It's time for you to say, look, you know,
I'm marriage minded.
I want to be married.
We've been together for a year and a half.
You know, you've changed your mind
about the level of commitment that you want.
You used to want marriage.
Now you don't.
I totally respect that you're taking care of your son,
but if you don't want me to marry you
and help you take care of your son,
then, you know, we need to go ahead and part ways.
Yeah.
Because I need to meet someone who's ready to, you know,
be at this level of relationship with me.
Thank you.
I'm on here because that was my MO
when I used to get scared or feel insecure.
I was the anxious attacher,
but I would just dump and run, you know what I mean?
And so this got hard and painful when he said that.
And so I've been refraining from tongue and pen
sitting on my hands, being still.
Can you tell us what you said after he said
that he no longer is sure that he wants to be married?
What did you say to that?
I just said, oh my gosh, I don't, I didn't know that.
And I was kind of just stunned
and we're out at this really nice dinner.
And so we talked a little bit and I just said,
I am not crying here.
And so I enjoyed our beautiful dinner and we talked some more
and then when the next day, you know, we talked again,
I said, I really need to get something straight.
I need to know some more stuff.
And so we sat down and talked a lot.
He explained more background than what I'm going to go into,
but it made it kind of plausible.
But it, except for when I said, well, you know, I,
this is who I am, you know, and, and then he still said,
I know, maybe that's a mistake.
I still just kind of feel this way.
Then that's when I just said, okay, cool.
Well, maybe I should just dump, you know,
cause that's kind of what I usually do.
He's like, what?
He goes, I still want to marry you.
I just don't right now,
I don't feel like I can be committed to that.
And, and I love you.
And so then I just got all confused.
And so I wanted to get real wisdom with somebody
that would not be afraid to tell me the truth.
Okay.
But this is what I want everyone to hear and Lori,
but I want everyone to hear, you know,
it is true you guys that someone can love you
and not want to be married.
Okay.
And so they can love you.
And I believe he really does.
He has deep affection for her.
You know, they, they enjoy each other.
They want to be together.
You know, he wants to be in her presence.
He talks to her every single day.
He's very attached in certain ways,
but he also doesn't want to be married.
Not now and maybe not ever.
We don't know.
And so someone can love you and not want to be married.
And so what does that tell us?
That tells us that if we want to be married,
it doesn't matter if they love us,
if they do not want to make a covenant with us
and marry us.
See people throw that out.
I love you.
And while it may be true,
it still doesn't lead to where we want to go.
And that is covenant in partnership.
Yeah.
I was going to tell you what,
I love a lot of people that I don't want to marry.
So I'm already married, but I'm just telling you guys,
you can love people, even romantically love them.
And also know that you don't want to be married.
You don't want to be married.
You're not ready for that level of commitment.
You don't, you know,
there's issues that you haven't resolved.
You don't want to be married.
And so this man is telling her with his own words,
I love you, but I do not want to be married.
And I don't know when or if that will change, right?
And so she has to say back to him,
I love you too, but I want to be married.
And so since we don't want the same things in life,
we have to say goodbye.
And it's not going to be easy,
but I promise you that the next person,
as long as you continue the momentum
of all the things you were doing before
you went into this year and a half situation,
that they will love you and also want to be married
because that is a non-negotiable.
You guys, this is a non-negotiable.
We are not going to waste our lives
waiting for people to figure out
that they want partnership.
You guys are all here because you're marriage-minded.
If they're not marriage-minded, then that's a deal breaker.
They don't have to want to marry you
in the first five months,
but if they don't-
to be married at all. Okay. Then they're not the one for you. You're not going to convince them.
You're not going to change your mind. You're not going to wait them out guys. This really pains me
to say this, but I have a friend that I'm going to her wedding. Okay. But they've literally been
dating for 15 years. You guys and broke up several times within that timeframe, because she wanted to
be married and he didn't want to be married. And you know, she, she waited him out somehow.
I don't necessarily think that that's a, that that's like, that's a win, you know?
And honestly, I'm just going to tell you, Lori, I just feel deep in my heart that you will still
be here next year and the next year and the next year, if you don't go ahead and move on. Okay.
Cause this man obviously is not over the death of his wife. He's not ready. He's got a trigger
here. He doesn't want to get married. Marriage is the trigger. Okay. Doesn't want to get married
is not ready for that level of commitment and covenant. Doesn't want to enter into that,
whether he's afraid of rejection, abandonment, or loss, because you guys, when people pass away,
it's a form of abandonment, even though they didn't want to leave us, they still did.
Okay. There's stuff he's got hard work stuff to do. So he stuck on the inside, which is making
him stuck on the outside, but Lori can't wait that out. He's got to go get, he's got to go
get help. He's got to go get free. He's got to go, you know, get unstuck on the inside so he
can move forward on the outside. Amen. Okay. So Lori, the script is I love you too, but I want
to be married and you don't want to be married, not just to meet anyone. You're not, you're not
in a marriage minded season and I am. So we don't want the same things in life. So we have to let
each other go. And I know that's hard. And you guys, this goes back to the pruning from the last
two supernatural Saturdays. This is good for great. This relationship has been good. Lori has
been happy. She's enjoyed it for the first year of it. It was incredible. Yeah. But great in this
scenario would be marriage. It'd be someone who wants to be her partner and live together and make
a covenant and do life together every day and build legacy. And this guy doesn't want that.
And so it was been good, but she wants great. So remember what I told you guys on the pruning
sessions, good for great is the hardest pruning. It's the hardest one because you're letting go
of something. That's not terrible. It's not bad. It's actually good, but you know, that God has
better for you. And it makes it so hard because that better is not here yet.
I'm proud of you and all the work that you've done and that you're not willing to just keep
going around the mulberry bush with this man and, you know, to let go and trust God. And here's the
good news. The good news is that if this is your spirit mate doing, this is not going to miss out on
it. It's going to catalyze something. It's not an ultimatum. You're not doing this to wake him up,
but if it catalyzes and comes full circle with, you know, with change, don't rebound. Don't go
back to the same old situation, but if it catalyzes and catalyzes him and it comes full circle with
new healing and new momentum in marriage, then awesome. And you guys don't say that that can't
happen because I've seen it happen all the time, but she cannot do this hoping that that will be
the outcome because what's his name? He could be dating someone else in two months. Yeah. Someone
who's just fine to just be his companion through his singleness and doesn't want anything more than
that until a year and a half in, and then she'll have this conversation and then he'll be moving on
again. That could very well happen as well. Right. Okay. Thank you. Yes. Someone was saying,
tell him about the program and all the things, but, you know, I mean, we can't, you guys,
people have to want to do their hard work. They do. They have to want to do it.
All right, girly. Thanks. Just pray for your heart. Okay. We'll be praying for you. I have
so much to be grateful for. I'm going to be a grandma first time. Yeah. Look, you're, you're
beautiful. You're vibrant. You're you got a lot of, you know, you have a lot of life left in your
years still, you know, do not waste any more time on someone who's not ready to lock arms with you
Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. All right. Talk to you soon. Yep.
Thanks for coming on father. We just pray for Lori. Lord, we pray for her heart. God,
we ask that you would just give her, just make, give her courage, Lord, make her brave,
help her to trust you. Give her a special grace to trust you, that you have brought
her here, that you have a spirit mate for her. And if it's not Dave Lord, then it's
definitely someone else. And two, one or two things are going to happen here. This person's
either going to be catalyzed for change and transformation, and they're going to go forward
together or she's going to fall in love with someone that makes her say, who's Dave, right?
It's a win-win y'all. It's a win-win. Okay. I really believe that with all my heart. It's
a win-win. Okay. So father, we thank you God. We thank you for grace for everyone who's
pruning in this season. We're all pruning and it's hard. You guys, I want to tell you,
I almost manifested today because I have to do some things. I have to do some pruning
and I had to make some decisions that were really scary for me. It's a lot easier to
do things when you're the only person in charge or in control of whatever those things
are. In fact, I'll tell you this, I'll tell you this. I think a lot of times we're willing
to sell for a lot less than God has for us in all kinds of areas of our lives. If we
get to stay in control, if stretching means giving other people, having to trust other
people, having to give other people, you know, decision-making power in our lives or control
in certain areas of our lives. It's easier just to stay small, stay diminished and keep
a hold of the steering wheel ourselves. Am I wrong? And I had to let go of that today.
You guys, I had to LIG and I had to let it go and, you know, just make a decision to
trust in an area where I've really been hurt before in business, in an area where I've
been cheated before I've been lied to deceived before. I had to, you know, this is a real
full circle moment for me and I have a decision to make. Do I have to do it? No. Okay. I can
remain right where I am and all of you can remain right where you are, but I promise
you this, if you want to go further with God, if you want to go further into what God has
for you and you want to actually, you know, go into the manifestation of the promises
over your life, you will be stretched. You will have to do things that make you scared.
You will have to do things that make you feel insecure and uncomfortable. You will have
to stretch. You will not know the outcome ahead of time, and you will not be sure if
it's the right decision, but you will do it afraid. And you will do it anyway, if you
want the possibility of more father, I just released that over all your sons and daughters,
that they would be willing to be made willing in the day of your power to be stretched toward
to get uncomfortable, Lord, to do things that make them afraid to do things that they do
not know the outcome, and they can't even see the next step Lord, but they're willing
to take your hand. They're willing to say yes, Lord, willing to step out of where they've
been into where they could be. And Lord, I just thank you for a God. I ask all of us
all that all of us would have a super natural grace in this season to do these things in
Jesus name. Amen. Okay, guys. All right. Let me see. Let me see if how many more I have
here. We're at eight Oh nine. I'm hoping to end here in the next 15 ish minutes. Lily
Serrano. Are you in the house? And you guys remember we have to you know, Laurie, that
was really important and special. So it doesn't matter that it took a lot longer than what
really what we want these love seats to take. But the rest of y'all that are here that are
wanting to jump in the love seat, we got to do it. God do it a lot faster. Okay, so we
can get everybody in. All right. I'm here. I see you. Okay, so hold on one second. All
right. In 120 seconds. Tell us what's up. You're so funny. You're such a blessing. Thank
you so much. Um, okay. And yet I'm not kidding. Okay, go ahead. Your hair looks phenomenal.
I love it. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Go ahead. So I'm gonna read this because I have it on
my laptop. But um, so I recently ended about I would say on tax day. So April 15. With
a guy that I was getting to know for a month. So we went on six dates. My question is if
I cut it off too early. So the reason why I keep thinking today like he's a good catch,
but he's not a great catch. Um, he has all of the qualities. He doesn't have a relationship
with Jesus. He does know about Jesus. He just doesn't have a relationship with them. So
there I mean, if I just so you know, I know all
background. And I read your original post when you posted in the group. And then I read what,
what everyone gave us, but just so they all know, um, you know, just the backstory, you know,
he's got a situation with his, you know, his former wife, you know, she's, you know, she's an
addict. And so he's got all that got divorced because his wife left him because she's an addict
and all. So he's got some trauma stuff. That's important to talk about. Right. Um, once again,
you know, you're like, he's a believer in God, maybe even a believer in Jesus being the son of
God, but he doesn't have any kind of discipleship or any kind of, um, uh, measurable, measurable,
uh, walk with the Lord. Yeah. So he did text me, um, yesterday. And, um, so I'm just
trying to figure it out, just trying to make sure that I made the correct decision.
And how many, how many dates did you go on with this gentleman?
Six States, six States, like in a row over the course of three weeks, like how,
how once a week, there was one week where we doubled up, but typically it was one.
So you've known him for about two months. He, what I'm sorry. He lives an hour away,
an hour away, six States over the course of six, six ish weeks. So if you known him,
would you say that you've known about his existence on earth for how long?
March 5th, March. Okay. So not long. So like, like less than eight weeks, eight weeks, eight
ish weeks. Okay. All right. So the things that, you know, you were citing as green flags are,
you know, you haven't been treated that well in years. Okay. And your time together was effortless
your time together has been very brief. So it's not hard to treat someone well for six States.
Okay. People usually do put their, their best foot forward. And that is a cue to all of you
that everyone's entitled to a one-off everyone's entitled to a false start, a bad start, a bad
first impression. The proof that that's a one-off and not an off life is that they apologize.
And the proof of the sorry is changed behavior. So the next time is great, all the things,
but for all of you out there that have been giving people a lot of chances over and over
again, when they're showing up, like in their worst self, that's who they are. Okay. That's not
just one off two off three off. That's who they are. Okay. Because this is the norm people normally,
even if you're not going to see they're crazy until six months in, because they are going to
put their best foot forward normally. And so if you have someone who's putting their worst foot
forward time after time, after time, Oh, please just cut that off and move on because it means
they don't have a good foot to put forward. There is no good foot. Okay. Both feet are left feet.
Okay. So he's treated you great, wonderful, but it's been a very short, brief amount of time.
He's easy to communicate with. He's easy to emotionally connect with, which is why you like
him just so you know, because there's an emotional connection. And so you like him because he's
emotionally aware and available, which he may have not known that men like that before. Maybe
you have, but you like it. Most people do, but you do loves to laugh. So you guys are really
connecting on the soul realm. You enjoy each other. It's effortless. It feels like you've
known each other. I'm just saying you did write this, but I'm saying this, it feels like you've
known each other for a lot longer. There is easy to connect with. He prioritizes you. You always
have fun. Um, he seems like a secure attacher. You wouldn't know that because you've only known
him for six dates. So who knows? Um, he's respectful as far as you know, for six days,
he's always paid for outings. Um, he's always opened doors, took care of you. Remember details
about you. Okay, guys, those are all really good things in the six dates that she's known him.
Those are good things. So the question is how comfortable does she feel going forward with
someone who is not, you know, currently on the same page as she is spiritually? He's not,
not a believer. He's a believer who is not being, you know, discipled. He's a believer. Who's not
seeking out discipleship. And you guys, I don't mean from humans. I mean, from his rabbi, Jesus,
he's not following his rabbi, Jesus, because his Jesus is not as rabbi. And so that's what I equally
yoked means is when one of us has made Jesus our master and Lord, and the other person has not.
And so that means it's important for you guys to hear this. That means that someone who goes to
church every single Sunday could actually be unequally yoked with you because yeah, they go
to church and they believe in God and they believe in Jesus, but they're very religious. They're not
a Christ follower. Okay. They're Christ. No knowing they know about Christ. Um, but they
are not being discipled by Jesus. They're not following him. They're not spending time with
him. They're not being like him. They're not doing what he did. They're not doing those.
And so if you are and they're not,
then you're not going to be equally yoked with them because they're just
going to do church and dead religion. And you're going to do kingdom.
And trust me, that's going to pull you guys apart really quickly.
And so.
What's the difference between that.
And this not a lot.
Because everybody here believes in Jesus.
But they have different fruit to show for it.
They have different understandings and different levels of relationship
with that.
And so I'm not, and I know that this is scandalous for a lot of you,
but I'm not opposed to people being in relationship.
Especially this level of relationship.
If they're spiritually mature with someone who's not as spiritually
mature as them.
I'm not opposed to that.
I've seen a lot of people get married and have great marriages.
Because that person had a high spiritual IQ and they,
They had a high spiritual IQ.
And they had a great relationship.
And they, they sprouted quickly.
Okay.
And so you really just have to know what God is saying to you.
All right. You have to know what God is saying to you.
You, you know, I love you, Lily, but you can't put this on me.
All right.
It's got to be on you. You know, the Lord, you're spiritually mature.
So what is he saying about it to you?
Right.
Because.
You know, if you get to know this guy better,
are you going to start to see things that you don't see now? Yes.
Will they necessarily be red flags or bad? No,
they might be more green flags.
But you've only known this guy for six dates.
And so.
I would not date him exclusively.
A thousand percent. No.
I would not become his girlfriend.
I would not become physically intimate.
I just mean kissing or holding hands. I would not do any of that.
Okay.
So keep your head very clear.
Okay.
And your spirit, very clear.
And then.
When you find out why, you know, this man,
you can just point a sails in the wind.
You know, you can point.
You know, point him to the wind.
Because who knows? I really don't.
I would continue to meet new people.
Okay.
I feel like there's a check in your spirit.
That this is not something that you could continue because you feel
like you're getting too attached already.
You said he's a secure attacher.
We don't know if that's true or not because we don't know him,
Okay.
So she's emotionally attracted.
And she's very emotionally attracted.
Are you physically attracted as well?
Yeah.
Okay. So she's emotionally attracted and.
She's.
Physically attracted.
So that's two of the trifecta.
But we want spirit mates. So we want to be spiritually attracted.
Right.
Okay.
I hear about the bumps. Okay. So.
We want the spirit to lead.
Then we want the soul in the body.
To get on board you guys.
And so Lily's got the cart before the horse.
Her body and her soul are voting. Yes.
Okay.
So we've got to find out what the spirit is doing and saying here,
and then whatever that is.
If it's to continue forward with caution.
Great.
Right.
Don't get any deeper.
Don't get any deeper in the soul and in emotions, you guys,
how can you do that?
How can she get to know this guy?
Okay.
So the spirit is going to be talking to you,
the emotional and physical of this.
Not having long conversations about childhoods and trauma and getting
all emotionally involved with someone.
Okay.
She already really enjoys this person and she feels emotionally
connected. So not getting deep, deep, deep, deep.
And talking about your whole lives and your futures and all the
things that are going to happen in your life.
Okay.
Zero contact.
Don't hold hands. Don't cuddle. No arms around anyone.
Obviously no kissing, no long hugs, no hugs at all.
Give them a nice handshake.
And let's move on with our lives.
But seriously, like, no, if you listen, if you want.
If you feel.
If you want to have a relationship at any level,
you've got to keep your soul and your.
body out of the voting booth. Your spirit needs to be clear. Someone said, how about a thumb war?
No, no thumb wars. You guys, none. And you guys, and here's the thing. The thing is,
is that I could prophetically tell her what I feel, but that's not my place. Cause I really
feel like God wants to teach all of you something here. All of you need to be led by the spirit in
your love lives, not just in your other parts of your lives, not just in your spiritual lives,
in your physical lives, you have to be led by the spirit. There's a scripture that says
in our standing up, sitting down, lying down, eating and drinking life,
follow after the spirit, right? That's all the natural stuff that we do. And I'm so glad Lily's
here tonight. Cause I feel like it's a teaching moment for all of us. There aren't certain areas
of our life where we follow after our feelings or our flesh, or even someone else's advice or
someone else's prophetic word. We have to follow the spirit and then God will give us confirmations.
We are God defended. We don't have to be scared. It's not fear that we follow after it's faith
that we follow after. And so it's important. And I believe in Lily. I know that she's a spiritually
mature woman, and I know that she hears from the Lord. And I know that he is going to show her
through confirmations of other people like me right now, hopefully some of the things I'm
saying are confirmations for her of what she needs to do and giving her the strength to do it
in this area of her life, not just with this guy, but with anyone in this area of her life.
But it's smart to have really good boundaries. When you know that someone's checking more
carnal boxes for you of physical attraction and emotional attraction. If those boxes are
being checked from the very beginning, felt like you've known this person all your life.
You can't get enough of them. You love spending time with them, but that spiritual box is not
checked. You have to have good boundaries so that you don't get confused. Right? So that's
really important. And so we would love to know what you decide and what happens. We're going to
be praying for you and with you. And I believe that you're going to know really clearly as you
navigate this. And I feel like it's going to be a really important lesson for you and for us all.
Okay. It's going to be tough. I know you're already, you're already in a little girl.
You're already in there a little bit. So you need to immediately start putting up those boundaries
because you like the attention we all do. You like how attentive he is, is I guess what I should
say. You like being prioritized. We all do, but you have to make sure that this man is willing
to make God a priority because otherwise he's not a spirit mate. Yeah. And it's not your job to
disciple him. Yep. It's not it's Holy spirit's job. Okay. All right, Lily. Thank you so much.
I appreciate it. And we're, we, you're going to be fine. She has God defended you guys. It's going
to be great. Um, now does it mean she's going to go left instead of right? Maybe zig instead of zag,
maybe, but she's going to learn. She's going to learn some good stuff here. And she's got a great
covering over her with this community. And I believe that the Lord is going to show her what
she needs to see in Jesus name. We believe that Lord, we trust you and we know that it's true.
All right. Um, do I have anything else here?
Guys, these are all so good. All right. I'm willing to go to eight 30. That's six more
minutes and I'm willing to do Hannah Haynes and Alessandra Valente, but you guys, we got to do
it quick. And I know we keep saying that, but we keep lying to ourselves. All right. So let's do,
I see Alessandra. So let's just do that real quick. All right. Seriously. 120 seconds. Just
say it as fast as you possibly can. Okay. All right. So I live in Mexico city. I went on a
date with someone in Bumbo last Wednesday. Um, you really connected. It was like just a very
deep connection. He went to my same undergrad. He's Mexican, which is, this is weird that he
went to the same undergrad in the U S and we just had three hours, like deep connection.
And then, so I texted him the next day. I'm used to the guys always texting me, um, the next day,
but I texted him to thank him. He responded and he was sweet saying he also had a great time,
but he wasn't kind of introducing any new topics of conversation or asking to meet again. Um,
he said, Oh, I might be moving to your neighborhood. Maybe you can show me around.
So he would make lots of references. Like maybe, maybe we can go out some, maybe we can go to this
bar sometime. Maybe we can go to here sometime, but nothing concrete. And so I kind of stopped
initiating and had him initiate. And Sunday he finally initiated saying, how was your week?
and I was like, good, how was yours?
He took three hours to respond, which for me was a lot,
but then he only responded about himself,
didn't initiate again asking for me.
So then I said, what does your week look like?
And he said, oh, Thursday I have some time to hang.
Which I'm like, is this asking me out on a date?
I don't know.
So I made a joke saying, oh,
maybe like this cute American girl
can move her schedule around to see you.
And he kind of just wrote, ha ha, yes, she's cute.
So still no concrete plans.
And then not following the conversation,
not following the conversation.
So I'm just, he's divorced with two kids
and yesterday he took eight hours to respond.
So I've kind of written him off at this point.
But I don't-
So is he a single dad?
Yeah, he has two kids.
And how often is his kids with him?
Twice, two weekends a month,
and then one day a week a month.
Okay, so he's pretty busy.
He's probably busy, but like,
so I don't even know if I'm seeing him on Thursday or not,
because he hasn't.
And the last message was him just responding
to a joke that I made, just saying, ha ha.
Let me ask you a question.
Are you a planner?
Yes.
Okay, I can tell, you know?
And so the problem here is,
is that we don't know if this guy is just like,
you know, he's just not a planner,
or if he's just not in a season of life
where he's looking for anything at all serious.
Not that this would be serious
by any stretch of the imagination,
because you guys just met.
So you're assuming a lot about this guy
without really knowing him, okay?
And so I wanna encourage you not to get into,
you know, needing so much certainty so soon,
and making sure that you're not putting
all your focus on this guy.
There's other guys,
there's probably 10,000 other guys on Bumble, okay?
And so you obviously enjoy him, that's great.
But also, you don't really know each other.
And, you know, this could just be,
he could have more of a spontaneous personality.
Like I have a really spontaneous personality,
and my best friends like you.
And when we go on vacation together, it's hilarious, okay?
Because like, she wants everything planned out,
she wants to know in advance, she likes certainty,
it makes her feel secure and great.
And I really like to see where the wind kind of blows us.
And so, yes, so it sounds like
he had a great time with you.
I do know from being a single parent myself that,
you know, even if your kids are not with you 24 seven,
it takes up a lot of emotional and mental bandwidth
to be a parent.
So you will have to be okay with that.
If this turns into something,
you need to know that you're probably
not gonna be priority all the time, okay?
And so if you're not ready for that,
then this might not be the right mix for you.
Because depending on the ages of his kids,
you might not be the main focus for, you know,
when the kids are with their other parent and, you know,
so you'll get some one-on-one time then,
but you really do have to share a single parent
with their children.
You do, like a lot.
So very new, assuming a lot, let's not assume,
okay, you know what assuming says, right?
I don't need to say it cause we all know.
So we don't wanna do that.
We don't wanna make an ass out of ourselves.
And so also, if you really liked it,
if you feel like the connection, does he know Jesus?
No, he used to be Catholic and he said,
he really questioned dogma
and he actually offered to go to church with me.
He was asking all about church.
So I was like, okay, let's see.
Okay, so once again, we don't even just like Lily,
we don't even know if this is even a potential spirit mate.
You know, we have no idea.
So you obviously are vibing with him.
You had fun.
You know, maybe you haven't had anything, you know,
that went that well for a while or whatever.
And you're hoping that it was gonna turn into more
cause you know, you're ready for something
to turn into more,
but there's a lot of stuff going on here with this guy.
Right?
He's got kids, he's busy.
He obviously doesn't have a planner personality
because planners don't say, well, maybe we'll hang
and then they just don't say anything more.
I mean, my best friend will stalk me
until I give her a time and date for stuff.
Like she'll keep asking and keep asking.
Cause she can, cause we have that level of relationship,
but you can't cause you don't know this guy that well.
But I do will tell you this,
if you guys do end up hanging out again,
you need to drop the hint of, hey, you know,
like I like to plan my schedule a little bit in advance.
So, you know, if we're having fun,
you want to hang out again, you know,
I need to kind of know in advance time and date.
So that puts your, you know,
your little type A heart at ease.
And then that's great and good.
But once again, just like Lily, hold this very loosely.
We don't even know if this guy,
even as a contender for anything,
because I know that I gave the word
that a lot of people were gonna be in relationships
with people that, you know, would, you know,
were gonna be having growth spurt spiritually
and weren't necessarily living out their faith,
like at the same level as we are when we first meet them.
But you're gonna have to have grace for that word,
if that word's for you,
you're gonna have to have grace for it.
How will you know?
You'll have grace for it.
You're like, how will I know if I'm one of the people
that will have grace?
Praise for this word.
And this word's for me.
You'll have grace for it.
Meaning that you'll have tolerance for it.
Understanding, not passivity, not enablement,
none of that, just grace.
Okay, you'll feel it.
It'll be supernatural.
It'll be great.
I see someone asking about the other thing about Lily.
Like, how would you know about the discernment?
How could you pray about that?
Well, all of you should be, before you're meeting people,
you should be praying that God would show you these people
after the spirit and not the flesh.
You wanna know people in the spirit.
We wanna be known after the spirit and not the flesh.
And so one of the ways you should be praying
before you go on any and every date,
before you start getting on an app,
you should be finding out if you should even be there.
Should I be on this app right now?
If you're not feeling like, you know,
like you shouldn't be,
if you're not feeling like a check in your heart,
like this is not the right timing,
I'm medicating with this.
I talk about that in my book.
A lot of people are fed up with apps
because they're medicating with apps.
They're using apps incorrectly.
And apps are burning them out
because they're not getting the dopamine hit from the app.
They're not getting what they are wanting from the app
because the app's not your source.
God is, right?
Okay, and so you gotta be on these apps
for the right reasons with the right heart.
In the right reasons, right seasons and right heart.
Otherwise you will be way better served
to just really focus on enjoying your life
and going after some other dreams and living in joy
and letting that be the introduction, okay?
I wrote this actually on my Instagram.
Let me read this to you
because I think this is important for this moment.
You have no idea how magnetic it is
when someone loves their life, okay?
And some of you are just hoping that you meet someone
who makes you love your life
because you don't love your life.
You guys, you got the cart before the horse.
You got it all backwards and upside down.
That's not the way it works, okay?
You have to create a life you love
because love's not going to complete you, another human.
They're going to join you.
And if they're gonna join a sad, sappy life,
then that's what they're gonna join
because they're not gonna change your life.
They're not.
Only you're gonna change your life.
Makes sense?
Hopefully it does because it's true.
All right, here's what I wrote.
The most magnetic thing you can be is fully alive.
Did you guys know John 10, 10?
Abundant there is actually defined as fully alive.
Like that's what the translation is from the original text.
Jesus saying, the thief is killed, still not destroyed,
but I have come that you might have life more abundantly.
That word means overflow and it means fully alive.
That's what it means.
So let's read it that way.
That you might have life to the overflow,
that you might have life or that you might be fully alive.
All right?
So the most magnetic thing that you can be
to anyone out there who's looking for a partner
is someone who is living out loud,
fully alive, loving your life.
I mean, that's the kind of life I want to join.
Have you ever interviewed at a job
and realized that during the interview
everyone seems really not happy to be here?
Do you want to join that job?
Do you want to take that offer of being in that workplace
where everyone seems really unhappy,
like they're imprisoned here?
No, you don't want to work there,
but you want to work there if you go to the interview
and everyone seems like they really get along
and they love each other and it's really fun there.
It's a fun atmosphere.
That's going to make going to work
feel like not work at all.
Yeah, you totally want to work there, don't you?
So do you guys see what I'm saying?
So if you're doing the dating apps,
it's a chore, it's causing you anxiety,
you're medicating with it,
you're, you know, it's like the magic eight ball.
You're like using it as your source,
trying to like, oh, I'm never going to meet anyone
unless I get on this app and I hate it here.
Then don't be there.
That's not right for you in this season.
What's right for you in this season is to work on yourself
and allow God to highlight you to someone
who wants to partner with what you've done with yourself.
Make sense?
Okay.
So same advice as Lily, if you're not feeling it,
don't force it.
If you didn't have fun hanging out with him,
don't hang out with him again on Thursday.
Also, you can't make someone
have the same personality type as you.
You guys, my husband is very different than I am
in a lot of ways, very, very different.
And that's what makes it work.
We don't sit around and hate each other for our differences.
We respect those differences
and we leverage those differences.
We leverage the strengths
and then we minimize the weaknesses of each other.
We do.
So make sure that you're having fun with yourself.
My advice to you would be, if you don't feel like you can deal with that, okay, dating
I'm going to talk a little bit more about this
in a minute, but I want to talk to you
a single dad, whole different ball game.
about how you can have fun with yourself.
If that's not something that you feel like you want in this season of your life, then
you don't have to do it.
Okay.
Yeah.
I was trying to be, it's the first guy I've dated with kids and I was, you know, trying
to be open and, uh, kill my list that I have, but it's, you know, definitely, I'm just used
to having the guys, especially the Latin guys are all kind of very intense right in the
beginning.
Oh yeah.
Anxiously attached, romanticizing, Latin lovers.
Oh yes, for sure.
We just got back from Cartagena.
I can totally see that.
Cartagena, Cartagena.
Okay.
I'm like, I don't know if he's just not interested or if he's just a secure attacher.
I don't know.
But also I like that that's not the norm that you're used to.
That's kind of good.
So, you know, why don't you, uh, see what happens on Thursday and keep us posted.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Okay.
Remember friends, you do not need certainty.
I know that we think we do, but we don't, we do not need it.
And you guys, I know that we're over and we always say we're not going to be, but we did.
And hopefully you guys learned a lot tonight.
I feel like there was a lot of really Holy spirit moments tonight.
Who else does, who else falls?
Like there was a lot of Holy spirit moments tonight, a lot of good input, Hannah, as we're
leaving.
We're leaving in the next three minutes.
You got to just tell us what is it?
If I'm seriously considering moving far away from where I live now in the next couple of
months on your advice on whether or not, if I haven't been interested in dating really
most of this year, but if I've come across someone who has piqued my interest, who has
similar values, I'm just curious what you would advise.
I keep getting, you're moving away.
Very far away.
Don't you have kids?
Yes.
I have a daughter.
Okay.
And where's your daughter's father?
I'm sorry.
His, her dad.
Where is he at?
He he's passed.
He's okay.
So, so you, it's just you and her.
Yes.
And what's making you move far away?
I've always wanted to live in Florida and I have family that moved down there a year
ago.
And so it just seemed like the right time to go on an adventure.
And it's your question.
Should you still be dating where you are if you're moving?
Well, this he's not local.
So does he also want to move to Florida?
No, he's out of state.
It would be long distance either way, whether I'm here long distance either way, but you
know, you don't, you told him that you're going to move to Florida, right?
No, we have not connected.
This is just someone that I've has very recently.
Okay.
He piqued your interest.
Have you piqued his interest?
I don't know.
Oh, well, how the heck do you know this guy?
Is that not in your notes?
Oh, let me see.
You're like, it's secret.
Okay.
Let's see.
It could be in my notes and I didn't read it.
Okay.
Let's see.
Okay.
Her question.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Well, I think you should shoot your shot and see, drop the hanky and see what happens.
It doesn't say, it doesn't say in my notes exactly who it is though.
Just so you know.
Okay.
All right.
So all of your 18, 22 guys that are watching this here or in replay, take a good look at
Hannah in case we drop in your DMS and say that Hannah wants to meet you.
So now you know who she is and you know, she's moving to Florida.
So take all that into consideration and then pick up the hanky or not.
But you know who you are, but I don't know who you are, but I'm going to find out after
this.
All right.
You guys.
Thanks for joining us.
You guys.
You know, if, if it doesn't really matter what the circumstances are, people are willing
to relocate.
If they can relocate, a lot of you are going to relocate.
That's just going to be God's plan for you.
It is.
It's just going to be God's plan.
And so that being said, you know, be open, be open to what God has for you and and don't
be afraid to talk to someone who's long distance, lots of long distance relationships.
It's harder.
Yes, it's true, but it's not impossible.
It happens every single day in this community.
Okay.
In the, in the world, it happens every single day, but it happens every single day here
in this community as well.
So father God, I'm so thankful for all.
all of your single sons and daughters and the plans and purposes you have for
their life and where you have them right now.
They're all in different places right now,
what they need to be working on and focused on. And so, Lord,
I pray that they would just press an even deeper with you in prayer,
praying in the spirit, praying with the understanding,
actually taking time out to just sit and listen, Lord,
to what it is that you're speaking to their hearts. Lord, I thank you, God,
that they're coming here and they're hearing your wisdom.
Continue to speak to us and through us, God, as we coach them.
And we thank you, God,
that they are going to be getting all kinds of breakthrough and transformation
in their lives in this last bit of spring, as we head into the summer of love,
love with you, love with ourselves and love with others in Jesus name. Amen.
All right, guys. Thanks for love seats. I'll see you soon. Bye-bye.