All right, welcome to heart check in Monday, May 12th.
This is heart check in for men, and just wanted to hit record and tell a little snake story
before we recorded, and you missed the snake story, but that's okay if you're watching
this and replay.
So guys, what's up?
How are you doing this week?
What is new?
What are your questions?
What are your wins?
What is going on?
Who wants to break in here this evening?
I'll start us off.
Things are progressing well with the lady that I've been dating for the last month.
Had an excellent date on Friday.
We went to a comedy show, got dinner afterwards, had some great conversation, got a little
extra context for kind of how the initial interest started and how the whole fellow
coworker texting me kind of came about.
But yeah, things are progressing well, trying to plan a date for Saturday or Sunday in the
midst of a couple of busy weeks here.
So both of you are still like, yeah, let's do this, let's talk some more, let's go out
some more.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's incredible.
So you said you went to a comedy club, I'm assuming that was fun and you had a great
time.
Yeah.
It was one of those, I don't know if you guys have seen ads for, it's called Don't Tell
Comedy.
But basically they keep the location a secret until day of, they keep the, I guess like
set list of comedians a secret.
So you never really know who's going to be there to perform, it could be some like triple
A person or somebody up and coming.
So I mean, it wasn't necessarily like clean comedy, but I mean, it's, they have them all
over.
Where are you again?
Oh, Jacksonville, Florida.
Jacksonville, Florida.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cool.
But yeah, no, it was, it was a good time, you know, got to kind of see like, how does
she react and maybe a little bit of the uncomfortable situation, a little more like surprising,
like just following my lead because like, I didn't tell her where it was, you know,
I tried to keep as much surprise and unknown throughout the night just to see, again, how
would she react?
She was very, very trusting, very, like she, she loved the whole idea and intrigue behind
surprise.
So it was overall a good night.
Awesome.
That's great.
That's good.
I love that.
And she seemed to react well to that.
She was very flexible.
She was like, Hey, this is kind of going with the flow and good, good, nice, good job.
Anybody have feedback questions for Zach?
Was it the comedy that was like, not, I guess, clean, Zach?
Was that stuff that like, you, I guess, like disapproved of or like showed to her that
you disapproved of it or it was, you had made the comment, I just didn't know what direction
that went for you, if that was something that benefited you at all.
Yeah.
I mean, we didn't necessarily like talk about the content of the comedy so much.
And, you know, there, there are definitely some things that were maybe a little uncomfortable
at times but, you know, coming from like, or like I'll say like myself having been in
the world in times and, you know, in the church at times, like I know that, you know, it,
to me, I think it serves a better witness to like be in that and, you know, be able
to laugh and engage at things that are just real and raw.
And then, you know, rather than be like, oh, I'm not going to do that because.
But that's, again, just my personal opinion on that sort of thing.
But again, I also didn't know like what to expect from the comedian.
as well you know so it was kind of one of the things like we were experiencing it both together
and you know being able to be like oh like yeah let's have like it like this is a good joke you
know we're like oh this guy's kind of going a little too long about drugs um things like that
and so there we seem to be kind of on the same page like you know we were you know both laughing
and just you know seemed to enjoy the night overall cool yeah i wasn't trying to be
holier than now believe me i'm like probably one of the most
former worldly people ever and dark humor and monty python so yeah but i was just curious
how others uh deal with it and sounds like that was a good way for you yeah you know um
who has feedback on that um
you obviously you know you're gonna be out and about you're gonna be going places no need to be
like super prude uh but at the same time there is like there seems to be a line i mean i am
probably the most uh i don't know that's not a good way to say that i am probably the most
whatever uh whatever blank you're gonna fill in there um i don't think that jackie and i are
super prude uh that's a terrible word i i think there's a better word that we can say but whatever
uh but at the same time there is a a certain threshold that i get to or like
this this is this isn't like hitting very well and it and it can go from
be on different on different days you know maybe just kind of like
where my where my interest is at where my heart's at where my spirit's at you know like
one day versus another not like oh i'm mr spiritual one day but i'm not spiritual the
next day i'm talking about just like seasonally like if you're just going through like you know
um any feedback on that as far as like what you guys feel about that as far as
where's you know where's your threshold or what's your threshold or like boundaries for that
it's a good it's a good topic because you're going to you're inevitably going to at some point
not even in the maybe not even the dating relationship but especially for sure in your
marriage relationship where there's going to be things that will test the boundaries
and we talked about that before what i feel like the the masculine responsibility is is the
boundaries you know yeah i mean like i was i was having a conversation with my parents on saturday
kind of not necessarily the exact same thing but like talking about movies yeah and how like you
know my mom was kind of lamenting that like there's there's nothing good in the theaters anymore and
it's like you know this movie are this movie are this movie are this movie are this one's pg but
it's about video games and i have no interest in seeing that and you know it was it was good because
like i i had the opportunity and like what i said to her is like you know unfortunately the world's
r-rated yeah right it it's it's a hard truth um and and not to necessarily say like suck it up and
go see an r-rated movie but just having that understanding that you know that's part of the
reason why movies are the way they are it's not the way things used to be um i was in film film
class in a christian school christian university my first year in university and you know so we were
doing films and we were studying film and the whole gamut and you know that was like one of
the things that came up one day was just like you know cursing in a movie like if you're a christian
person are you going to put cursing in your movie or you know because you're christian we don't curse
in my movies or whatever like that and it's just like the more important thing i guess in the
discussion became more like what is appropriate for the story like if you're making a war film
and you've chosen that this is going to be a christian film about war and i'm putting no
cursing in it um i'm not saying you have to i'm just saying it's just it's just like what serves
the story in the genre kind of kind of like what came out of that but it's not a hard fast rule
either you know i mean again i think there's a threshold for that so um kind of interesting
discussion on the creative anybody else have comments about content i think most importantly
where where we could help ourselves is not necessarily to judge content in this discussion
but as much as like where's the boundary where's the where's the where's the place where
if we're on a date you know where's the cutoff point do you walk out of a movie
that you happen to go to a movie
and you thought it was gonna be a pretty good movie.
You're on a date, you're on a first, second date
and that kind of thing.
And then the movie just gets like,
like, man, this is just really just,
I thought this movie,
like if you've ever watched one of those movies,
you're like, man, I'm waiting for this movie to get better.
And not just like bad content.
I mean, just like, just better in general,
like a better story, like a better, like something,
like this is just not even that, you know?
And I've watched movies where it's just like,
is this movie gonna get any better, you know?
And there's a few movies that I've actually walked out of.
And I don't necessarily know it was the content,
maybe it was, but it was just a waste of my time.
But where's that line for you?
Anybody have comment, feedback on that?
I've got a comment.
Oh, go ahead.
Go ahead, brother.
No, go for it, Daniel.
I'll go, I'll go.
Sure.
I was gonna say, I think generally in my experience,
I think men are a lot more comfortable
with stuff like violence and swearing.
And I think it's important for us
to be a boundary protector.
Yeah.
And make sure that the woman that we're with
feels safe and protected and comfortable.
Yeah.
And so I think, you know,
like I might be comfortable with,
like if I went and saw John Wick in the theater,
they did a re-release and I had a date with me
and she's just kind of cringing
and I can read her body language
and tell she's like getting more and more uncomfortable.
Hey, hey, you know what?
Let's get out of here.
I can tell this isn't really hitting the spot.
And that's because like in a marriage relationship,
you wanna be able to show up as that protector
and that masculine figure for her so that she can feel safe.
So I think that's probably in a dating context,
I think that's where the boundary would be
is you really need to be attentive to her
and make sure that she feels safe.
Thousand percent, love that.
Yeah, I appreciate what Kenton put in the chat.
I think I've tried so hard to create rules
about all that stuff and they always fail.
Yeah.
And I think even, you know,
first of all, there's how the different people
have different thresholds as we've been sharing,
but I've found there are times where sometimes it's okay
and sometimes it's not for my kind of conscience
and whether or not it's the most loving thing.
And there are times when God invites me to like watch things
or stuff like that, I believe, you know,
that I'm surprised by, you know?
So I think that like I tend to be more conservative.
Like I went on a date like years and years ago
and saw like bridesmaids with someone, she loved it.
And I was like, whoa, this is a little too Judd Apatowee,
you know, for me, but I think that,
I mean, what's coming to my mind is that verse,
you know, whatever isn't a faith is sin.
And so I think like, I think it's futile
to try to create rules about it.
And I think our hearts, you know,
as long as we're loving God and loving our date well,
I would imagine we'll know.
Yeah, it's, I guess the biggest thing is it's like,
if you're, if it's you, then it's,
you're having to like,
you're responsible for your threshold, wherever that is.
And we say it's different for everyone,
but there are very specific things in scripture
that talks about better ways.
And I think Thomas, what you're coming up against
is a lot of like the religion that you and I,
and a lot of people have really like come up in
that gives us those rules, you know, that rule scenario.
And the gospel is not rules-based,
but it definitely is a strong, better way, you know,
and that better way can act as a threshold for you.
But when you're in relationship,
and especially in a sensitive season
where you're dating somebody,
there's a lot of ground, I was going to say rules,
but there's a lot of like foundation.
There's a lot of establishment.
If it's going to become a marriage relationship
or marriage-minded relationship, even,
there's a lot of establishment of like what we do,
what we don't do, what's best, what's, you know, like,
and that's where I feel like Daniel's coming from
was just like, just being very aware that like,
you know what, I don't want to start off
on a first or second date with a woman
in a situation where the situation is really hampering.
Really offensive really
Making her feel uncomfortable unsafe, whatever it is, and that's definitely wise
Yeah, it's hard to catch up. I was just gonna say it's hard to catch up from a deficit
And I yeah, my my personal opinion is if you make a woman feel unsafe, you're out especially early on
You know late later on you might you might accidentally do something to make her feel a little unsafe meal be able to recover
but
Yeah, but I mean if you're like right out of the gate making her feel unsafe like I would tell my daughter
I would tell my daughter like yeah
If he if he feels unsafe from the beginning you need to listen to that and cut cut him out like he's gone
So yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's that's really good advice right there, too
like
So if you have children and you know what you would tell like damn you do you like what would you tell your daughter?
You know if your daughter was your date, you know
type of thing like that's a good rule of thumb to
Address that like be the man that you would want your daughter to go on a date with type thing
You know what? Um, what would make a woman feel unsafe if it's something that you're not deliberately doing
It's something you accidentally do and it would make her feel unsafe. What are some examples?
I mean a good example like Daniel gave was like a violent movie
like violence portrayed in a movie like it's one thing to like
show maybe like depiction of like a true situation that happened to be violent and
Then there's also like how much you show. I mean, you know, we all know Alfred Hitchcock was
famous for showing
Nothing but making it very scary and so I mean obviously there's the there's the art form in that and you know
Where's the where's the line all that kind of stuff that we can talk forever about that?
but like if you're going to on a date the date isn't to try to like
The date has tried to make a connection
That's why I actually movie dates as far as like a first date probably not the best plan first of all first and foremost
But yeah anything that can can just make a woman feel
Uneasy
Violence is is a is a perfect example of that. It's not something that we that we want to
We want to entertain on a on a first second third date trying to get to know somebody
We like to make exciting we want to make it entertaining connecting that kind of stuff
All right, David
Personal opinion for myself and I've been around long enough to realize that when we walk into a movie house
You do not know what you're walking into. I
Mean, there's nowadays there's homosexual. They have people that kissing guys kissing girls kissing
We're just seeing so much out there right now that it's it's a dangerous place actually for a date if you want
I'm out of God if you want to show her the the high bars
I just put on my notes. The high bar is always taking it. It's about this David was saying the relationship is more important to them
than a movie and
a safe place could be the place where you guess they can say well
I love this movie and you know for sure that it's not a great one
It just simply sending us as I'd like to take you sometime, but not to something Latin. Here's the reason why that that up
If any woman that is I've dated some women that wanted to go see certain movie
I says there's a reason why I'm not gonna see it and there were believers
And I laid out why the reasons why for and they had a total high respect for me
Because they realized that I was looking out for their best interest
I was looking out for not just for this earth, but for eternity as well, too
Once are they recognize that I'm looking out for their eternity
In other words preparing them or helping them prepare for eternity
They they have a gain a high respect for you because then they're saying okay
Well, what can we do and that's where you know, I like that relationship where we're facing each other
We're not facing we're not together looking at one screen or whatever. I stay away from anything that for in dating wise until
Usually I don't even take take him to the movies at all
As I said, it's it's a place that you never know
It can be a real snake pit
Sometimes and it's the subliminal things that are there as well, too
Because we're in a spiritual warfare right here gentlemen, and if we're not praying for the women we're dating
I mean literally praying and asking the Holy Spirit to lead us in
Conversations how we speak where we go what we do. I had one lady that actually
in
In one place who just wanted to take me down right where where we were and I says not stop right there
She's a believer, but she
came from a background of being abused and used,
and she thought that was the best way to treat a date.
And so I just laid down my moral and ethical beliefs
and how I was to be as the man that was to lead her.
And some months later, she came back and she said,
I totally respected you from that day forward
because you were not like any man that I ever met before.
You weren't looking just at my body,
but you were interested in what I had to say.
You were looking at me.
And that's the point is that they want you to see them
for who they are, or as Christ would say,
not who they are now, but who are the,
can you see what they might be down the road
and treat them accordingly?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, it's super powerful.
Thank you for sharing that, Kenton.
I mean, you don't have to be super dogmatic
and say, this is what we're doing,
my way or highway type of thing.
But at the same time, if you can invite them to say,
you know, let's not.
I mean, it could be just as simple as,
hey, I wanna go see this movie.
And you're in the back of my mind,
like thinking along the lines of what Kenton's saying.
It's like, you know, it's probably not gonna be
the greatest representation of whatever.
And then instead of, you know,
laying down any kind of rule or law,
you could just say, you know, let's not do that.
I wasn't, I was thinking about something else.
Of course, then at that point,
you'd have to have something in your back pocket.
So you'd have to make up your mind.
So this is why making up your mind before the date goes,
has a possibility of even going sour,
that you have a backup, you have ideas,
you have plans for what you can do
that would be what engaging, relational,
that kind of thing.
Anybody else have comments along these lines?
Anybody?
David, you said, it sounds like that
as much as you appreciate
that there may not generally be hard and fast rules,
that you feel like there are rules,
or there are things,
I understand there might be principles,
but you talked about things in the Bible.
Are you referring to more than flippy and spory
and I will put no unclean thing before my eyes
and that kind of stuff,
or is that kind of along the lines
of what you were referring to?
Yeah, I mean, again, I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah, I mean, again, I don't look at scripture
and anything in scripture aside from the 10 commandments
as things that are rules.
I really believe that the heart and nature of God,
first and foremost, the most important thing
that any one person can do,
the only is work towards the reconciliation
of relationship with the father.
That's the whole point of this.
Anything else is just missing the point.
And I think the heart of the father is to continually,
and especially the way Holy Spirit works
is to continually convince you of who you are in Christ,
because what Jesus did
and because how Jesus modeled what he saw the father do,
that was his motivation.
And so when you talk of when scripture comes in heavy
that says, do this and don't do that,
there are specific things I believe scripturally
that God said, hey, don't do this, do this, don't do this.
Very specifically 10 commandments, very obvious.
Those are rules.
Well, even with that,
I think that there's constant invitation.
Like there's reason why behind any kind of
really, really, really good advice.
Like the reason we don't commit murder,
you realize you can commit murder in several different ways.
Matter of fact, Jesus kind of really ups the ante
in a lot of these commands, if you will.
Somebody is like, look, I didn't actually kill the guy,
so I didn't commit murder.
Yeah, but the spirit of violence in the words that you use
to tear down this individual
literally was the spirit of murder behind the situation.
And it's not the heart of the father.
Is it a rule?
Did you break a rule?
I mean, God's the only judge.
I'm not the judge.
That's why I can't publish a list of rules.
That's why you shouldn't publish a list of rules
for yourself, because you are not the judge.
You do not know where the line is.
that's being crossed, except when you're in a relationship
with the father.
And because I felt like I have walked with the father
for many, many years, I feel like I know
where my boundaries are.
I know where my guidelines are.
I know what I can and can't do for me.
And then I also then know what I can and can't do
for my family.
Like, there are times when I know my wife,
I know her so well that like, we'll sit down to,
again, I hate this to be the contest,
like sitting down to watch something,
but I'm trying to think of a better example.
But I just, maybe there's an activity
and we're like, you know what?
We've been down this road before.
And we're just trying to, you know, let off steam,
whatever like that.
And it's no big deal.
And then something will precipitate out of that.
And I'll notice, I'm like, hmm,
I think that was a moment where I could have been better
at closing the gate.
I could have been better at drawing a standard
or lifting up a standard, you know?
And to where my wife is then being affected.
And I know this through relationships.
So there are some things that we're just like,
you know what?
That's not in our best interest.
That's not in our, let's not watch that show anymore.
You know?
Let's not go to that place anymore.
I just don't think that's, you know,
I don't think that's going to benefit us
in a heavenly way, in a kingdom way, you know?
And as we have become leaders of a movement,
as we become more in line with what I really feel like
our higher kingdom purpose is,
we also are stepping up into that, you know?
We feel like, oh, you know what?
There are just things and conversations
that we just, we're not, you know,
we can't have anymore because we're trying
to go to another level.
You know, if nothing else, it's almost, you know,
you can relate it to even like,
success principles are the same way.
Like I'm going to change my thinking,
so therefore I'm not going to say the things
that I used to say.
I'm not going to respond the way I used to respond.
I have to, I have to change my attitude
towards people in a situation sooner
than just flying off the handle,
because now I don't want that to be the,
I don't want that to be the,
not only the leadership representation
that I'm trying to put forth,
also, I don't want my spirit to be unsettled
to where it makes me a person that is not who I say I am.
Right?
I don't want to be a Christian leader
and then have a life that if you see me
and know me privately, isn't consistent
with that leadership, right?
I don't know if I make any sense, but.
Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you're talking
about principles and things that you also discern
through your spiritual sense of,
was healthy and would create good boundaries
for you and the people you love.
And not be.
Yeah, I don't follow rules,
and I don't put on rules on people.
Now, a child, and this is the example I use all the time.
I mean, are you going to give your five-year-old child
the keys to the car?
No.
Maybe just the keys.
Just the keys.
No, but not let them go into the garage.
Not let them go into the garage.
Not let them go in the garage and drive the car.
Because, why?
Because, I mean, even a 12-year-old child,
not going to do that, you know?
Because they're not responsible enough to use it,
to know what to do, to follow the rules of the road,
so to speak.
So the rule is, you can't drive.
That's a rule, you know?
Doesn't matter whether the 12-year-old likes it or not.
It's a rule.
And it is also backed up by the law
that we live in this country we live in.
So it's like, that's rules.
But to try to manage your spiritual life
and your relationship with God by a bunch of rules,
it'll never work.
This is actually why Jesus came,
because he said, the law leads to death.
The rules lead to death.
You will never be able to follow the rules.
As a matter of fact, in scripture, it says,
try to follow one rule, you have to follow all the rules.
And nobody can do that.
And so this is why Jesus doing what he did was so profound
because it released us from the law of sin and death
and it freed us into relationship, access,
like knowing God, knowing him personally,
not just knowing him through somebody else
that tells you a list of rules to do and don't do.
Simple gospel.
Who has reactions to this?
Anybody, questions, comments?
What do you think?
My comment here, David, the idea that we'll always be
swimming against the world upstream
because as you said it earlier, when Christ came and says,
you know, this is what you say, but this is what I say.
He always takes us to a higher standard,
a higher place in relationship,
a place in which he wants to abide and wants to give us
the fullness because you can remember that when he takes us
to higher relations or higher ways or higher thoughts,
they're all for a benefit for us.
They're not for a negative thing, not to put us down,
but to lift us up, to build us up, to empower us.
And as men, we do have a big, big responsibility
because that's why he says, you know, there's God,
there's man and there's a woman and their children,
there's levels in which he's placed us in
to be responsible for.
And I think we just need to remember that
when it comes down to it, it's about,
David, you've been saying this all night,
it's about the relationship we have with God
and how he leads us to be able to lead others.
And I think that's a big part of it.
When you're growing, she's growing,
the children are growing, and it goes from there.
Yeah.
And I think one of the things that happens, Kenton, too,
is that, well, this could be a huge conversation.
I'm trying to direct this comment very specifically.
I think one of the things that happens with men
and with this generation,
and when I say generation,
I just mean everybody who's alive today.
I don't mean the young people or whatever.
I don't mean a certain generation.
I just mean everybody who's alive,
everybody who's trying to do their best.
I think it's become more and more,
and somebody responded to this,
I think it becomes more and more difficult
to try to ascend to a height.
Like when we say things like standards
or we say things like rules
or we say things like ought to be
or say things like men called up higher,
that's really challenging.
I mean, it's challenging on its face
because it's just the human nature
of rising to your best self.
That's one thing.
But then you have the overlay of our culture
and the strategy of the enemy that's against you
that's trying to always make you feel
like you're just less than, always.
You know what I mean when I say that?
And so somebody in your face telling you
just be better, be tougher,
like that inspires some guys,
but other guys, it doesn't inspire them at all.
And so that's why we got guys
who operate in high strength and low love,
and then you have guys that operate
in high love and low strength.
We wanna be the guys that operate
in high strength and high love.
That make sense?
High strength and high love.
So sometimes those things kind of like go at each other.
Like when you solve a problem,
do you solve all problems with a hammer?
You're high strength, low love.
When you solve all of your problems
with a soft conversation, high love, low strength.
Sometimes you need a hammer
and sometimes you need a soft conversation.
That make sense?
And so having that balance, that's work.
But that's where divine masculinity comes in
to where like Jesus,
like I just saw the episode the other night
of the Chosen when they're depicting Jesus' rampage,
basically through the temple, overturning the temples.
And you can read the scripture over and over again.
The scripture is very clear.
If we are to believe what the scripture actually says,
actually happened, I mean, whip,
I mean like turning over things.
Anger like certainly we all was wise Jesus, you know, he must have had a reason, you know
But you're not thinking of the humanity of this person that is supposed to be the Son of God reacting this way
You're like man. This is kind of startling
you know even in the violent world we live in to see that depiction of
Jesus who's supposed to be this person of love and soft-spoken and healing everybody and
Whom by ah and all that kind of stuff we fail to realize that Jesus is actually a very violent
person
Violent in the right way
He literally said I did not come to bring peace I came to bring a sword
Like I'm not trying to like
Physically kill anybody but I'm trying to bring a sword
That is even more powerful than actual warfare because I'm trying to divide between
What's what's right and what's wrong? What's spirit? What's flesh?
What's kingdom? What's not kingdom? What's light? What's darkness?
What's what is going on like in you called the religious people a brood of vipers I
Mean so you can see like the paradigm that's being shifted here constantly in this strength and love
situation
and
The reason I bring that up is because I
Think there's a lot of people like I think a lot of men feel like
They can either be one or the other they can be type a or type B
and so they've kind of like fallen in this category like why I'm not this like type a like
you know, like dude that like overcomes and tells everybody what to do and lead and
Strength and like the man's man and all that kind of whatever that you think that ideal is
I'm more like this. So I guess I guess I'm this
and then you got a lot of guys who are like are that type a strong like strength do like like overcoming leading like
Getting his way most of times by sheer force
who just has a struggle with trying to be soft and relational and in love and all that and
of course the Christian version of of
That has a tendency to fall in that sort of like love nice guy category
And I think a lot of guys are feeling like I've got to be one or the other I can't be both and
That's just not true
So there's an invitation for men
To be high strength high love
This is the definition of what I was talking about. A lot of times is like meekness is not weakness. It's power and a control
Every man needs to realize they have power
They literally have the strength
To
Forcefully beat out get out make their point do make people do what they want to do
But the question is is how we're going to use your power
You could be on a date in a movie and you'd be like this movie's wrong. Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh
We're not gonna do this and you storm out of the movie
Because you're a man's man, you know his strength, but is that going to win her heart?
Is that going to like show her like and this is a nice guy really really gets no
You know like he's he said what he said and then he didn't even smile, you know
so
There's that balance
There's that both
we as
Men who are connected to Christ
We are in being invited constantly to
Walk in high strength walk in high love
I hope you're getting something out of this
Who else got comment
Questions
What are you thinking about like as we're as we're
What are you thinking about like as we're as we're having this discussion well, um, i've got something to say, um, so i'm um,
Currently, i'm talking to one woman a long distance
Yeah, and she's in the philippines and um, okay, and um, I bought a plane ticket to go see her for a week
Wow
so, um
i'm trying to figure out like
Um the best way to you know, make her feel comfortable when i'm there and also like
You know, we'll be together for a week. Not just like one date. So, you know, I don't want it to like
Be bad if like, you know, um
I don't know if if if it gets awkward at some point, you know, um,
So it I did have one long distance date. I flew out to in the past. It was only for a weekend
And in that situation,
neither of us were attracted to each other.
And it was just really bad, like,
cause it's like,
it was hard for us to be around each other
in that situation.
And so this situation, I hope that,
you know, it's better, but it's, you know,
and, you know, there's also social awkwardness,
social anxiety.
So it's just, it is kind of nerve wracking,
but, you know, I'm letting her know that,
you know, there is social awkwardness
and, you know, she's understanding.
So, but yeah, it's just, it's a tricky thing.
You're going to go to the Philippines for a week.
It's a bold move.
You feel good and comfortable about that.
Wow. Excited about it.
That's, a lot of guys wouldn't do that.
I mean, that's a lot of guys would be very unbrave
to do that.
And I'm still questioning whether it's bravery,
whether it's just like, I don't know, whatever else,
but who's got questions?
Who's got comments for Andy in this endeavor?
This is a new development.
This is fast.
Sounds like either it will go super well
or you'll learn a lot.
Yeah.
That's probably true.
Or both.
Yeah.
You either win or you learn.
It's two months away.
So.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
Do you have an idea of how much you want to
kind of plan out the week
versus how much you want to kind of take it day by day?
Well, I haven't really thought too far ahead.
I mean, I booked my Airbnb,
so I know where I'll be staying.
I know that we both like hiking,
so we're going to try to maybe see some mountain,
go climb a mountain or something.
Of course, I'm going to take her to MAS on Sunday.
But yeah, I'm kind of going to need maybe someone
from around there to kind of help me figure out
what are some good tourist attractions and stuff.
But I want to actually do stuff.
She's very outdoorsy type of person, so.
Do you know about TripAdvisor and Viator?
What's that?
TripAdvisor and Viator.
Are you familiar with those websites?
I've heard the term TripAdvisor,
but I've never heard of Viator.
Viator is, I think that's the scheduling,
like you can schedule excursions and different things.
It's a little bit like the Airbnb experiences website,
but you can get tours of different stuff, whatever else.
But TripAdvisor has restaurants, things to do.
Unfortunately, I can't eat at any restaurants.
I have to cook all my own food.
Okay, yeah.
Well, they still have like popular attractions
that are around, whatever else.
Yeah, we use Viator in Greece and Italy and-
The Filipinos are a little bit different here as well,
gentlemen, so I've dealt with Filipinos.
My brother was a missionary to the Filipinos.
They're very, very family-
I asked if somebody had experience with this.
Yeah, and they love it when their daughter
and you invite the family out together
and they do something together.
They like that very much.
This way, they're getting to know you as well
as you're getting to know her.
It's kind of funny.
She's actually like, I guess,
maybe slightly different from her culture
because she actually just wants it to be us
and she doesn't want her family around,
which is kind of odd for a Filipina, but-
I missed that.
What did you say, Andy?
She's-
She actually would be embarrassed
to introduce me to her family,
which is kind of like the opposite
of what most Filipinas are supposed to be like.
So it's more like our culture, I guess you could say,
in that respect, but for her, it's personally.
Unusual for a Filipino woman.
Yeah, I know.
It is.
Seems unusual.
Yeah, it's, yeah.
Well, Andy, I would definitely do as much homework
as you can on this excursion.
I'm assuming you've traveled internationally before.
No.
You've not?
No.
Okay.
That, and we're going to the Philippines.
That's the first place you're gonna go.
Never been anywhere outside of Michigan.
I've been on road trips with my family
across the United States.
Okay.
International, a whole different animal.
It's gonna be totally different in the Philippines,
for sure.
You gotta be careful here.
I don't wanna put anything on this one,
but a woman who's asking to come across
doesn't wanna meet her family.
Yeah.
It doesn't sound very, a healthy situation
because you never know who you meet online
and when you get over there and find out it's not a she,
it's a he.
It's one of those situations.
I know it's not like that.
Like I know for instance,
I know for sure that she's a very wholesome person.
How do you know that, Andy?
Well, I've been talking to her a long time and I can tell.
And you've been talking like Zooms, meeting online.
You have to give them contact, Andy.
You're going through a program.
Like you have a business.
It's like an actual company, right?
That hosts these chicks and does introductions
and they kind of guide you along, right?
This is not some random connection you made.
I don't think-
It's not random, no.
Yeah, I don't think, yeah.
Maybe people are missing that part.
Yeah, no, we're just going on the fact that a month ago,
Andy, you mentioned to us the Christian Filipino website.
So we're just assuming that this is how
you've met this person
and this is the process you're going through.
Yeah.
And I would bet that process as much as you can
because in this setup that you're explaining to us,
you know, yeah, I'm about 50-50 on it.
Like, yeah, this could be really great
or this could be really not so great.
And I don't mean just like not working on a relationship.
I mean, like dangerous.
So I guess my thing is-
I think you guys just are reading it wrong.
I would be very suspect and I would lean that way for you
and do your research with that in mind.
Okay, but I think you guys just don't understand like-
We may not.
I just think you're like very,
very quick to judge the situation.
You don't even know like at all.
We don't know anything.
We just know what you're telling us.
Would you be willing to share, Andy,
what you feel like is not being understood?
Well, I feel like you're jumping on like suspicion.
I feel like you guys are being very, very suspicious
and it's like completely not how it is.
Like you're completely reading the situation wrong.
Okay.
We're just gonna take your word for it then.
Do you understand, Andy, that we care enough about you?
That we-
I understand that, but I just don't think
you guys understand what's going on.
I'm sorry.
We may not.
We very may well not understand what's going on.
I feel like I've heard maybe two or three people
kind of express concerns.
Are you saying that you feel like the whole group
is feeling that way?
Or are you just talking about those two to three people?
I mean, I guess overall,
I feel like everyone here is kind of suspicious.
Like, I mean, it's a foreign country, of course,
but I feel very safe.
I don't feel like there's any danger at all.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I appreciate it.
I think Steven made a comment in the chat there
about is it possible you could take somebody with you
like a friend that could travel with you?
And that might be something that,
I don't know if that's possible or if that's something
that's pretty good advice.
But you have two months before this happens.
All I'm saying is I would still do your research
and find out as much information as you can
about this situation and the whole thing.
Like what kind of things specifically?
I don't know.
When somebody has been abroad and has seen things,
the rest of the world is not like the United States at all.
Not to say that bad things don't happen in the United States
because they do all the time.
But I mean, compared to the rest of the world,
I mean, it is night and day different.
And if you've never experienced that,
never encountered that,
and then you're going to meet somebody you've never met,
you don't know who they are.
I'm not saying you haven't met them.
Maybe you have met them on Zoom.
And you're going there.
It's a recipe for a lot of stories
that a lot of people don't know.
People have heard and know and have lived and somebody's gone before you saying well
Hey, you might want to just think about this. You might want to be cautious that kind of thing
You ought to heed that advice
You ought to heed that in the sense that you know
I should probably look into this and make sure I'm just turning over every rock. That's unknown
Let's say you can't do it. Not say that you can't go or anything. I mean, you're obviously
You know, you're gonna do what you're gonna do
Nobody's saying don't go
We're just saying hey, man, this sounds
really halfway shady
In love
Yeah, you may go and you may find your wife
That's all I feel like I feel like that's how it could go
The only thing I'm really worried about is it me being too awkward that's really the thing that I'm worried about
That's the only thing that I'm yeah concerned about really
That's what I'm really asking about
What part of the Philippines are you going to Andy
Manila. Oh
Not so bad
If it was the southwest, that would be more
Horrible
For Americans to try to visit there
I've been to the Philippines. I've been to Manila and
East of there where someone tried to pickpocket me at the time. I was with a bunch of military guys and
we had guards in our group who grabbed those people and killed him on the spot and that's just how quick and
And
Unfortunately
Violent people are out there compared to being backstates side
And so I just pray that you
Go forth with God's full protection
You know, no not discounting anything that you
could possibly
Have happened to benefit you or any?
Expectations
Just like your
Physical safety
Just praying for that man
That's it. That's about most important
We want to see you back on this call after you come back from Philippines and not wonder what happened to him
Because we had a conversation one time. He said we're going to Philippines and we've never seen him again
That would not be good and would not be
productive at all
Yeah
Just in mind for sure. Thank you. Go ahead Zack
I was gonna say yeah Andy some of that advice can also be very applicable in a general sense
The fact that you've never traveled internationally
You know, I would take the next two months and really do your research and plan and get comfortable with
You know what to do in customs, you know understanding which direction are you flying?
You know how to deal with jet lag, you know making sure that you have
Vetted transportation from the airport to your Airbnb unless the family's picking you up like
running through that mental checklist of making sure that you are doing everything that you can to make this as safe and
Secure of a trip for you as possible. Yeah for sure. Mm-hmm for sure
Wow
But um, can I have some advice maybe on awkwardness and that kind of thing
That was what my question was actually about. I mean, I mean lean into your awkwardness man. Just own it. Just own it. I mean
I built up a profile on ARC and someone legit asked me
just how many ugly Chris sweaters do you have and I was just like
Kind of didn't want to answer but I was just like
Okay
here we go and
just went into that whole story and why I started wearing ugly Chris's sweaters and
How I also have 19 inflatable t-rex costumes. I've been through because those don't really survive
And
She loved it and we are still talking. So you you feel awkward
Don't make it more awkward. But the thing that makes you feel awkward just
Just sit into that and lean into it, you know, like you feel awkward dancing
Just keep doing the same dance and try to move a little bit more
Not a little bit less
And you can you help me understand Andy when you say awkward is it that you mean that you
Don't want to feel kind of uncomfortable or you don't want her to feel uncomfortable or
What what is that kind of awkwardness that you're you're hoping to avoid?
You're hoping to avoid I don't want her to feel uncomfortable like
Because like, if I don't know how to lead the conversation,
like maybe I'll, there'll be awkward pauses
and you know, things like that.
And that kind of thing,
but also maybe like social etiquette stuff,
like even with Americans,
I've failed in relationships because of social etiquette.
And of course, in the Philippines,
there's different social etiquette.
So that makes it even more so,
but at least with that, at least with the Philippines,
like I get a pass for being a foreigner.
So I guess that's one good thing,
but I'm just really bad at social etiquette, like in general.
My thoughts about that, since you asked for opinions,
I think I'm really happy that you're sharing
kind of what matters to you.
I really appreciate that.
And I feel like two things are coming to mind.
Maybe the first one is it might be worthwhile
to think about what expectations you have of yourself.
I feel like it would be a very high bar to go somewhere
that you've never been before,
meet someone from a different culture
and kind of never have kind of a moment
where you're not sure what to do or kind of, you know,
cause she might not know what to do all the time as well.
So I would say like,
it might be a natural part of the process
to kind of not be sure about the moment
and that that's okay and it's good.
I feel that way a lot on dates here,
let alone in other countries.
And I have gone to other countries to meet women before
and the awkwardness, I think it's worth it though.
And then the second thing of two that's coming to my mind
is I would encourage you not to project what you think.
I would encourage you not to project
what you think she's feeling
and then act from that assumption,
maybe to be willing to, even if you're feeling awkward,
you can talk about how you're feeling awkward
and kind of say like, wow, I don't know what to do exactly,
but I'm glad we're here together in this moment,
you know, or something,
or, you know, you can check in and say like,
oh, hey, you know, how are things going?
You know, and kind of see kind of how she feels.
But I feel like some of the times that I've gotten
in some of the biggest messes
were when I became very anxious and assumed,
oh, in this person, I'm making them feel that way
or making them feel such and such.
And when that really wasn't the case.
So I hope you'll go easy on yourself,
I think is what I'm trying to say.
Yeah.
And I feel like the easier you go on yourself,
probably the more relaxed you'll be able to be
and the more able you'll be to adapt would be my guess.
Hey, Andy, I have this feeling that you're gonna meet,
your spirit mate is gonna find your awkwardness
like super endearing and adorable.
Oh yeah.
And she's gonna like.
Yeah.
I'm serious.
I've always felt that way about you.
And I know it's like a source of anxiety for you,
but she's just gonna like,
and she might be like cool as a cucumber,
like totally cool,
but she just like is constantly amused that you're awkward.
I just, I see that for you.
And I hope that, I hope this meeting goes well,
maybe that's her, but I really do see that for you, man.
So I just get out of your head about it,
just show up as yourself.
And like David with the dinosaur costumes
and the ugly sweaters,
there is a woman who's gonna be like,
oh, that's hot, I like that.
So I think you need to just show up as yourself.
Yeah.
That's gonna repel the women that you want it to repel,
and it's gonna attract the women that you want to attract,
but you need to be the most authentic version of yourself.
And that's how you find a match,
not by trying to be cool Andy,
because that's not like, just relax, just relax.
That's awesome.
So Andy, I recently kind of did what you're trying to do.
What you're trying to do,
what I mean by that is like, fly far, far away
to go see some person that you've been talking to online.
And so I recently did that for about a week.
And for me, I did a lot of fraying like before the date,
or I would like, like a lot of the guys were mentioning
that negativity can spiral in your head,
it's all in your head.
Like, oh, she feels weird.
She's whatever.
Like you have to just set the tone,
meaning like just being happy,
just sitting there with her across from you.
And so if you set tone, people pick up on those vibes
and don't believe all the lies in your head about,
oh, is she, ha ha ha ha.
Do not talk yourself out of having a good time and being yourself and, you know, whatever
humor you have, crack some jokes.
Hopefully she laughs at them, you know?
And I think that the culture clash for you, you should try to turn it into a game of learning
and roll with that.
Roll with how awkward that you don't know how to use, I don't know, chopsticks.
I don't know, I'm making stuff up, but, you know, have fun with that.
So that's my little two cents, bro.
Go over there with some ideas in mind, some game plan, but kind of roll with the punches,
have fun, be yourself.
Yeah, that's my two cents, man.
So yeah, keep it going.
Cool.
Be safe, you know?
Yep.
I picked an Airbnb in like a really nice part of town.
So it's like, it's very, it's going to be a very safe area that I'm staying in.
Good.
That's awesome.
Andy, you actually came up in a conversation with this woman I was talking to.
So because, you know, like we're all messed up and, you know, marriage is dead, no one's
having kids, they're trying to kill God, all this stuff, right?
So now we're all, you know, 50 years old, no kids anyways, all single.
And I was describing that I knew this guy that's going, talking to a chick in the Philippines,
and she was just like flabbergasted.
And I was like, well, you know, it's 50-50.
Like there's 50 parts that goes, okay, this guy's going to get snatched up, ransom, we're
going to have to call Trump to save you.
Or you know, you could find someone that is family oriented, that shares your same faith,
that wants children, that wants marriage, that is not some boss ice queen, like actually
like a lady, you know, that appreciates when you do little stupid shit, like open up a
pickle jar, because they can't do it.
Anyways, when I told this woman this, like, like your, like the positive side of your
story.
Is that a personal example?
She obviously, yeah, she obviously didn't, she didn't get it.
She didn't get it.
It blew her away, which was one of my red flags when talking to this young lady.
She didn't understand the angle of like, you just wanting a nice, simple lady that's not
materialistic, not keeping up with the Joneses, comparing everything, all this shit, pardon
my French.
Yeah.
And it blew her away.
And I'm like, you can't see any of that.
Like I know it's nuts, but look, look, like what I was doing, sitting next to her in the
car, like for me to get to sitting next to her in a car, I did some crazy shit.
So I don't know, man.
It's just tough.
I know why you're doing it.
I don't blame you.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
We just want you to, we just want you to be safe.
I agree with Abram, like, yeah, if you have to do crazy stuff in order to like go there,
I don't mean go to Philippines.
I just mean to go to where, like go after what you're after.
That's not crazy.
I mean, that's sounds crazy to some people who are uncomfortable with that, but we do,
we do want you to be safe.
I might even, I might even come to this meeting while I'm there.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to be, so I'm going to be leaving on a Tuesday and I'm going to be returning
home on, on a Thursday after that.
So I'm going to be there for five days.
You have friends and family that are, I'm, cause I don't, I don't remember what your
family dynamic is there where in your locale, but do you have friends and family who are
commenting on this or are they hating on it?
Yeah.
I'm, you know, my, my parents, you know, mainly.
And Oh, like, Oh, you've shared this with them and they're like, Oh wow, this is amazing.
Yeah.
Where's their reaction?
They're, they're very much on board with it.
They're very happy with me.
Happy for me.
And yeah.
Well, they know, they know you best.
I mean, or at least I would assume so your family and the people that know you the best,
you know, my dad was an adventure when he was young.
Really?
So, well he actually hitchhiked across the United States with a friend, it was him and
a friend and they hitchhiked across the United States and yeah.
it's even one part where he's split up so he's he's been on adventures great great
awesome well guys we're well past the hour and um just wanted it was a good conversation thank
you andy for being vulnerable thank you for seeing it through thank you for all the guys that
commented share tonight thank you so much for being present sharing your your insight it's
important to take in all the um i i do want to say andy um definitely do your homework
and continue to research um it's okay to listen to things and and ponder things that you're
maybe not necessarily um down with because it might not have been the thing that you wanted to
hear but definitely let it be a voice of reason and a voice of concern and love for you for your
well-being and for your safety that's definitely the heart of anything that was said tonight for
sure um love you guys god bless you guys have a great rest of your week and um we will see you
next time all right hey brothers