All right, welcome, ladies.
This is your phase two Love Story Accelerator Heart Check-In Tuesday, 1 o'clock on May 13th.
For those of you that are new here, just to introduce myself, I am Carla Johnson.
I'm one of your coaches here at Last Year's Single.
I was just briefly kind of touching with the ladies a little bit ago, how I was in this
program, did a lot for the activations that we give you here.
And so yeah, I'm a success story from Last Year's Single.
I found Jackie in 2020, around, I think it was the end of September is when I took her
challenge, joined her community in October, and found my husband, or my husband found
me, right?
Because the husband finds the wife, right?
That happened at the end of 2020, in that 11th hour, where I was like, I just, you know,
don't know if it's going to happen for me.
I've been in this program for several years.
I thought it was going to happen this year, but Jackie assured me to, you know, borrow
her faith, because I was in a place that I was like, I don't know if I believe this anymore.
But if Jackie believes it for me, I guess I'm just going to believe what Jackie believes.
And, you know, a week later is when my husband dropped into my DMs.
And so we got married in September of 2023.
So I had been in the program for about three years before I got married.
And then I've just been coaching here at Last Year's Single since the beginning of 2024
into 2023.
So I've been part of this movement since pretty much the beginning.
And it's just really humbling and such a blessing to be able to pour into you ladies, share
my wisdom and knowledge of having been through this program, and then even just sharing kind
of what happens after and why the preparation period is important, because that's exactly
what this program does.
It will prepare you for marriage.
And that heartwork piece is the core foundation that when you can apply what you learn from
the heartwork into all your relationships, it's just going to make your life more fruitful.
I promise.
Okay.
Do I have any newbies here?
Heather, I saw you raise your hand.
You're like, oh, wait.
Brittany, I saw your hand kind of go up.
So if you're new to Phase Two, our Love Story Accelerator, welcome.
We're so happy you're here.
How was Phase One heartwork for you?
Good.
I felt like that being God defended and not self defended was like a big thing that like,
I felt the Lord working on my heart and just also like feeling being able to feel so free.
So it's like when you're God defended, it's like, oh, I can, I can just be myself and
free.
That's good.
And that's a huge piece as you ladies step into this Love Story Accelerator, because
we kind of call this like the dating phase.
So I don't know, Brittany, if you've been able to watch that Love Story Accelerator
kickoff where Jackie gives you the challenge of seven dates.
Okay.
Don't be afraid, ladies.
Okay.
I watched the first one.
All right.
It took me a while to get through my seven dates.
I was a little bit stubborn.
Okay.
I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't encourage that, but we're all go at our, you know, different
paces.
So, um, but that God defended being, you know, God protected, God defended, it will be a
huge, um, breakthrough to hold onto that as you navigate dating differently.
Okay.
You ladies have to remember, you just went through some heartwork.
Dating is going to look differently because you're, you're healing.
And when we're healed, we show up way differently.
And so that's what Ebony and myself, us two coaches are here to help you with and help
you navigate, navigate.
I experienced it, Ebony is experiencing it as well.
So there were things that I was doing prior to heartwork that just wasn't working.
And once I utilized what Jackie was teaching and what we teach here in the Love Story Accelerator,
um, I, I promise you, you will get great breakthrough.
You know, God is your, you know, your love story author, and he is preparing you and
everyone's story is going to look different, but everyone's story is pretty incredible.
Okay.
And so just keep that in mind and the dating process.
is that preparation. So things were going to get revealed and healed in your
dating process. I know we all like to think okay I've done the heart work now
I'm gonna jump into dating and the first guy or second guy that I go on a date
with is gonna be my spirit mate and this is gonna be super easy. I would love to
say that that is the norm but it's not. Okay there is there it's not that it
can't happen but majority of time there's growing that takes place in the
dating process. For me God had to show me that there are actually really good men
out there and so he brought a lot of really good men in my path that weren't
my spirit mate because I had to start believing that men weren't the enemy,
that men weren't the bad guy, that men weren't the ones that were gonna hurt me.
Okay I had to really embrace the God defended peace that sometimes that God
was saying this is not your spirit mate but I'm bringing him to show you
something else and to show you your growth and to also get you working on
areas that I want to heal. He wanted me he wants us more healed than married.
Okay obviously he wants us married all right you wouldn't be here if you didn't
believe that God promised you marriage and it's his divine plan and so but what
comes first is the healing piece he wants you healed so that you can really
show up in your authentic identity with your spirit mate and let me tell you
even when you get with your spirit mate there's gonna be the you know iron
sharpening iron there's gonna be roughing of the edges all right my
husband and I are complementary opposites okay and sometimes that is
difficult for each of us but we really help smooth each other's edges out so
that we show up as a partnership to really do God's work okay and it takes
his strengths and my strengths to help each other's weaknesses and so that's
what this whole dating process is for is to help kind of get you to start you
know getting used to showing up in a more healthy healed version of yourself
in your authentic self okay so that was kind of a long explanation of it so
hopefully that will be helpful for you ladies that are on live and then all of
those that watch and replay that might be new to our our phase this this week
but we are so glad to have you so just real quick hey Stephanie I just saw you
popped on good to see you I'm just gonna go over a couple housekeeping things I
went over a lot of these last week so I'm not really gonna spend a whole lot
of time on it please make sure that you're checking the pin post especially
that roll call post that Bethany Bethany puts up on Sunday make sure that
you're responding under that roll call it kind of helps us check on you to know
how things are going also please make sure that you're making post under ask a
coach if you have questions for us if you have dating scenarios that you want
us to help you navigate if you want to share about what you what you've learned
in any of the coursework you can put that in the all tab I'll get to the wins
tab here in a moment that's where I really like you ladies kind of sharing
some of your activations it's a really good spot or if you just want to
celebrate something that God is showing showing you and revealing to you and
you're having success with share it in the wind okay and then we have that
relationship milestone also make sure that you're checking the resource tab
especially if you want to find any information about any of the last trip
singles any of the info that we we have will be placed under there and then we
also have a list of current last year single single cities which are groups
that are in Facebook and so that document that's under the resource tab
will give you all the information that you need in order to join the closest
single city to you we do request that you only join one and really get
connected to a group that's closest to you okay and then always watch the
replay okay especially Supernatural Saturday and these Tuesday calls okay
all right so I'm gonna quickly pray for us and then we're gonna jump into some
activation I have one teaching point
that I kind of want to touch on.
And then I'm going to open the floor for questions
from all of you.
That's what we really like to spend a majority of our time
on these calls is you all getting some coaching from us
here on these Tuesday calls.
Okay, so Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for this day.
I thank you for each and every one of these women
and the love story that you have already written for them.
Lord, I just continue to ask that you teach us,
show us, heal us and grow us,
that you are gentle with us in the process,
but then you also are firm and giving us wisdom
and direction on what it is that you want us to walk in
and be obedient to.
And that you just continue to stay close to us
as we navigate the growth that's needed
in preparing us for the love story that you have written.
In Jesus name, amen.
All right, so my girl Kathy,
she gets the gold star of the week.
She posted her activation from last week.
And so we had requested that you ladies wear a cute dress,
post a photo of yourself in a cute dress.
And she even shared like, she got compliments.
She got noticed, ladies.
This is about coming out of hiding, all right?
Putting on those cute dresses,
wearing some vibrant colors, getting out.
Like we want you coming out of hiding
because you're single Pringle ready to mingle, right?
So Kathy, thank you so much for sharing.
Really appreciated that.
I know Karen said that she wore a dress twice this week.
She didn't get around to posting a photo,
which again, we totally understand that can happen,
but she did it.
And so we're excited.
So I'm curious, how many of you did get to wear a dress
and just didn't get around to posting it?
Just throw it in the chat.
Raise your little hand, your avatar hands.
I'm not seeing many.
I know Kathy and Karen did it.
Not seeing anybody else.
All right, yes, Ruth, she wears the dress on the regular.
That's so awesome.
All right.
So I'm seeing maybe not a lot of people did that.
Is there a reason why?
What's the resistance or the,
okay, I haven't gotten there yet.
Okay, so Kim, you just haven't bought in one yet.
Okay, totally fine.
So that's your task for the week.
Ladies, I do a lot of Amazon shopping
and I'm getting ready to go to Mexico here
in a couple of weeks.
And I was telling my husband, I'm like,
I don't have any cute like summery vacationing dresses.
So my Amazon cart is really full right now.
And I'm hoping he doesn't look at it
because he might freak out when he sees the subtotal.
And so I'm like, okay, maybe I need to like skim back
on some or just buy them and say it,
but I'll return a few of them after I try them on
and just pick the couple ones that I like.
But awesome.
Thank you, Jennifer, letting me know.
Is there, Jennifer, were you able to watch a live
or come to a session last week?
That will help me know.
Cause that was another concern of mine.
I think I came to Ebeneez last week.
It's a very certain time of the week.
I used to go to Ebeneez.
Got you, got you.
Do you typically jump on in the beginning of Ebeneez
and maybe you're just missing?
Yeah, I could have maybe missed it.
Okay.
Even right now, I drive through there.
So sometimes I'm like hopping on,
let's watch the video again.
Okay.
That's helpful because, so then ladies,
if you do ever jump on Ebeneez call
and you miss maybe part of it,
make sure that you're coming and watching the replays
as well.
I know we don't post both replay
because that's just a lot of, you know,
replays to watch on top of Supernatural Saturday,
on top of your coursework.
So we just repost and replay this one o'clock call.
So that's why I'm typically pretty thorough
in the beginning to make sure I cover those things.
So ladies, please just make sure
if you don't come to the one o'clock,
watch the replay so that you get those,
especially if you're coming after Ebeneez already started
because you're going to miss some of those good activations
that we do.
All right.
So good to know.
So ladies, here's the deal.
I'm going to go ahead and give this again to you this week.
So you're going to continue to dress up.
Let's see a photo of yourself post that in the wins category. Let us know what experience you had
Good bad ugly
With wearing a dress this week if you don't own a dress, but you have some really feminine
bright colorful maybe floral or pastel colors
Wear that and I'm gonna even say like let's one-up it like let's make sure that we're getting ourselves ready
So do your hair do your makeup? Okay, even if it's just to go to the grocery store and before I
When some of the ladies jumped on a few minutes before we started
I was telling them I like this activation because I did it when I was single when Jackie gave this to us and
It really did shift something for me. Y'all I used to work in an Amish community
Like I worked with a bunch of Amish people and they don't do a whole lot
I mean, they're not into the hair and makeup and all that kind of stuff. So oftentimes like my uniform that I wore to work
was like
Amish attire
But what I started doing is I started like putting on mascara putting on lip color, you know
Penciling in my eyebrows putting a little blush on a little like eyeshadow and it done wonders
I wore I couldn't wear big dangly earrings, but I wore like feminine like stud earrings
Paid attention to doing my hair a little better
Even when I was showing up to work in a community that was a lot of Amish people
But it did something and how I presented myself. I
Showed up feeling better about myself
I had more of a presence and I know for some of you that's going to be a stretch because you're used to kind
of being the wallflower or
Kind of just being in hiding and I know Bethany touches on this in
Heartwork and so that just continues here at love story accelerator
Okay, so I want you to continue to work on that this week and be prepared to share with us your experience
I rag up the assignment. We're good
Awesome. Fantastic
Okay
One thing I don't want to touch on before I take questions is one of your sisters brought something up that I see often
In this phase. I've been been coaching in this space for about a year and a half and I see this
Constantly come up and so I thought you know what?
This sounds like a good time to bring up. I think it is a good moment to remind the ladies in this space
Okay
How many of you?
When you're on dates
And you're you're getting to know somebody you're like, oh I have a spark with them. Oh
I didn't feel the spark. So I don't know how I feel about them
Anybody experience that
Like I just want to feel the spark right anybody
Put it in the chat you can raise your raise your hand. Don't be shy
You
Anybody I see a few like head nodding. Yep
Yeah
Okay, this is this is gonna I'm gonna stretch some of you ladies here. Okay?
Yes, we all want to feel the spark with someone who's potentially our our spirit mate
I promise you're gonna have a connection with your husband, but
In this discovery dating phase, okay
We're not just we're not gonna focus on looking for the spark
Especially the first like one to three dates
Okay, that's not gonna be an indicator on no. I don't want to continue to get to know this person
All right
This is the early level two. This is the getting to know someone new you're finding out
About them what they like what they don't like
What's important and what they're passionate about?
How do they show up with their character like?
You know, what are the highlight things of this person do they make you smile?
Do you enjoy your time with them?
Do they challenge you one of the things that I loved about my husband early on is that he asked questions that?
challenged my thinking
Didn't always agree with me
But he did it in a way that was respectful
He showed up intentionally and I really appreciated that
Okay
The spark didn't come in the first few weeks that I was getting to know him ladies
Like it took me a little bit of time
Okay
Quite frankly, some of the questions he asked,
I thought he doesn't have a coach like Jackie,
he's deep diving.
He's telling me information that's too early for me to know.
Yes, you don't want to feel the ick,
but sometimes we need to navigate what's pulling out the ick,
what is causing you to feel the ick,
because sometimes, not all the time,
sometimes that's a revealing for healing.
Sometimes are we holding high expectations for the guys that we're dating
that no man, not even your spirit mate, is going to be able to reach,
because you've got this giant wall of,
he's got to be this, got to be this, can't be this, got to do this.
We don't want to build the wall,
we want to have those non-negotiables from heaven,
which I believe y'all learned about in heart work.
We want to make sure that those are from heaven.
True story, I had like three to four non-negotiables,
and two that I thought were non-negotiables from heaven,
my husband didn't have.
God challenged me on that.
So those are reasons why we want to be showing up in community,
okay, every person that I went out on a date on,
the women in this community knew about.
I came and I posted about it, I shared about it,
I let Jack, because at the time it was much smaller,
so Jackie was the one that was doing most of the coaching,
we didn't have a lot of like side coaches,
because it was a much smaller community,
but she knew about it,
and like many of the girls that are coaches now were in the community,
so they knew about it,
and I was getting feedback from them,
like Bethany and I, we were in the program together,
dating and all that,
she knew about, you have to come and show up and let us know
what is happening in these dating scenarios.
So yeah, my husband didn't have those things, okay?
So those are things that we're going to be,
you know, wanting to help you navigate,
okay, just a few more things on the spark thing.
So sometimes the reason we tell you to kind of like,
don't just focus on the spark,
because typically the spark is associated to romantic feelings,
and when you're going on one date, two dates with a stranger,
it's probably not ideal to have romantic feelings
about someone you barely know, okay?
So that's why you have to be very cautious,
okay, I don't know about you all,
I'm speaking from my own wisdom and my own experience,
so this is not everybody, but if you were like me,
it was that spark that got me into some of the past relationships
that were really, really unhealthy,
because I was chasing the spark.
I'm not saying that you are not going to have a spark with your husband,
so do not hear what I'm not saying,
I'm just saying if you are someone that's constantly driven by that,
and that's going to be like,
well, I didn't have the spark with him,
you know, this person just gives me the ache,
and you're seeing that consistently come up,
we're going to, let's get to some of those belief systems
or lies that you might be associating,
and is there something that is getting in the way
that we can help you get some breakthrough and uncover
and get some healing, okay?
As you progress, okay, once you get on one, two, three dates,
if you progress into four or five dates,
that's when you're going to potentially decide,
okay, is this person someone that I want to get to know
on a more romantic level,
so by that fourth date, then I can see you saying,
okay, I gave this guy three dates,
I'm still not sure I see him romantically,
that's when it's okay to be like,
okay, maybe it's a no, that happened to me,
I dated a guy for, I think it was like a month to two months,
we went on three dates, we set up a fourth date,
I was in community sharing with all the women about this guy,
he was great, he was intentional,
he offered to pay for my babysitter all the time,
was super, super respectful of my time as a single mom,
was willing to just, he really, really was intentional dating me,
really wonderful guy,
but there was something there that I'm like,
I don't know if this is the person that God is really having for me,
ladies, I ended it not even being 100% sure,
I thought, I'm like, Lord,
If this is my husband,
I'm about to just tell him no, thank you,
and I don't want to mess this up.
I really went into prayer about it and really
ask for God just to give me peace and clarity that if I didn't,
if I was ending something that I wasn't
supposed to that God was going to have a circle back around.
Just know that sometimes even in that fourth or fifth date,
we still might not know.
But again, I'm going to emphasize,
come into community, let us know what's going on.
Because we're here to help you.
Then in those early stages of dating,
by the fourth date,
you probably should be witnessing if they have any of the three Ms.
If you hear us, as you're in this phase,
you're going to hear us talk a lot about that.
The three Ms are that they're mature,
they're marriage-minded, and they're masculine.
Divine masculine, ladies.
Not masculine the way the world sees men,
but masculine the way that God created the masculine.
That teaching is in the Divine Feminine.
There's a little bit of touch points on the Divine Masculine in there.
If you haven't watched that,
just know to be listening for that.
Those are things that you're going to start seeing as
you're going on dates and you're pacing yourself well.
Then don't forget, let the men lead,
what we call DTR, define the relationship.
You want the man leading
that conversation for that exclusivity level 3 relationship.
Then I know I'm going to get a lot of,
I actually don't want to say this.
I don't want to say I'm going to get a lot of pushback because I hope that I don't.
But I know occasionally I get a little pushback from women about this,
is to remind you ladies,
no kissing in level 2, trust us.
This was something that I had to learn because I was a kissing bandit, y'all.
I like kissing.
But I will tell you after I came out of
heartwork and I listened to Jackie and I didn't kiss guys when I was dating them in level 2,
it allowed me to have a clear head of judgment and clarity so that I could
make good decisions about whether or not I moved forward or didn't move forward with somebody.
It also allowed me to see which men were going to respect my physical boundaries.
We also share no sex before marriage, ladies.
That is a tough one for a lot of ladies.
Because we're all in our 30s and 40s.
A lot of us might have been married before,
have kids, and when our bodies are attracted to something,
it's going to get in the process.
But I assure you,
we don't want to go there.
That again is why we're here in community to help you walk through that process.
Yeah. I'm going to go ahead and open the floor for
the last 45 minutes to take y'all's questions.
If you can go ahead and throw up your avatar hand now,
so I get an idea of how many we have.
Jennifer Young, you're still on.
I know I had requested to see if you were comfortable coming
on because you had made a post and I thought,
oh, there was something there that I thought we could get
some processing through and ask you a few questions
to see if there is any revealing for healing there.
Yeah.
That's actually why I was here.
Jennifer, just give me one more second, okay?
I'll get to you in just a minute.
Bernice, I don't know if she is here with us today.
I saw her post earlier.
She might not be here.
She might come to that evening call.
Then I think that's it.
Jennifer, I'm going to start off with you.
Then I've got Heather, Michelle, and Karen.
Karen, I'm glad you raised your hand because I wanted to touch
on some of those roots that I had asked you about that I thought,
oh, this is good.
This is really, really good.
I want to get some more insight from
you and then take your question as well.
Jennifer, Heather, Michelle, Karen,
ladies, don't hesitate to throw up your hands.
Even if you think it's a silly question, ask it anyway.
Don't be shy.
Jennifer.
I was actually unmuting to ask if I could go last.
Oh, absolutely.
There's someone in my car.
I can wait to go on.
Yeah, I'll take you on.
Absolutely. I'll start off with Heather.
Hi.
Um, well, I just wanted to kind of do a bit of report and then a
question, but I'll keep it concise. So I'm in New York this
week. I'm traveling this week. And that's right. Yes. I went on
three dates this week. And I'll just put a caveat as I'm dating
long distance. So people understand that I'm I'm right
now I'm in Colorado, but I don't really want to date in
Colorado because I don't want to be in Colorado. I want to be
back with my time. So I've been talking to these guys over the
last month or whatever. And I said, I'm coming to New York and
you want to try and meet them. And so I set up for states. And
it was a successful in a couple ways where is a big step for me
because I don't really I've never felt like I knew how to
date. And so I had three first date dates, very different each
of them. I didn't really feel connection with any of them. That
were I would really want to revisit it one guy, I would be
like, Oh, let's go do a thing as a friend zone. But but the other
two know, they were all just, you know, chivalrous and
gentlemanly. So I felt like that was a win for me. And, but one
guy I had, I went ahead and let him know that I thought it was
very nice, but I didn't think we were a match. I sent him a
message. The other guy, one I haven't gotten back to on that
front. He's nice. But I think that'll work itself out. And then
the other the third guy, which is kind of the question I have
is a bit of a love bomber. And I'm not, I don't want to see
is this the guy that you friend zone? Is that the love bomber
that you're like, okay, okay, no, okay.
No, and I have, I realized I feel intimidated by the energy
coming at me. And now I, you know, you know, I have to figure
out how I'm going to say that. Unfortunately, I'm leaving town,
which is my MO. Also, I just I, I'm an avoidant kind of
personality. So I will be like, and I travel a lot for work. So
suddenly, I'm out of town. And that's how I can disappear. But
I'm trying to get that person in general, I'm trying to really
show up. Yeah. And and get my foils. But in this case, it
might be helpful, because I need to figure out how to articulate
with someone who's always who really wants to see you again.
And just that, like, every morning, I wake up, and there's
an email asking me how I'm like, you don't know me well enough to
do that. It's just driving me bananas a little bit. Okay. So,
but I did active dates. Good. So when I played, when I met a guy
he for billiards for pool, which I'm not don't really know how to
play. But it was really fun. I mean, to do that. The other one,
we met at a museum, and he got stuck in traffic. So he's really
late. So I wandered the museum happily by myself, and then met
him outside. And then it was so late. He's like, you know, it's
going to close in less than an hour. Let's why don't we just
take a walk and go get something to eat. So we did. And that was
fine. I realized I'm a little afraid of like sitting down for
dinner with someone and feeling trapped. So okay. And then the
third guy I met for like, drinks, I had bubbly water, but
you know, to connect. And so that's my
okay, good stuff. Okay, so yeah, I'm gonna have a couple
questions.
What particular were knows to not go on a second date? Because
you said there were chivalrous like they were gentlemen. So why
are we saying no right away? Was there any like, are these red
flag knows or this is? Is this part of the avoidant? Like,
nope, not I'm not I don't feel the spark. I don't see
connection that I'm just gonna Yeah, next on. Um, so why? Why
the no? Why? So why not give them at least a second date?
Well, for one that I think we both kind of felt that we had
good conversation is the one I played billiards with. But you
know, he
he
he felt very bossy. And like, for example, I've played pool
before. I'm not a shark. I don't know, you know, but I can I can
get angles. And he hasn't he I know he has 11 year old daughter,
which is fine. But he would he would talk to me like I'm a
daughter, his daughter, like and I like I would like, let's say I
missed a shot. And like, I missed it your turn. He's like,
No, no, no, let's go back and he'd pull the balls back into
place. And I'm like, okay, you know, do it. But he would do
like three or four times after shots that I missed. I'm like,
it's it's just he's like, well, that's the only way you're going
to improve. That's the only way you're gonna I don't need you to
take those out.
Okay, yeah, for sure. That would mean how many of you would be
like, No, thank you. Yeah, I'm like, we don't want to be
talk like that, for sure. I would be like, dude, like, let me figure that out. So this
would be my challenge for you is when you see these things that you don't like come
up, how are you responding? Instead of just being like, okay, okay, it's fine. Oh, like
it's okay to say, Hey, I really don't like that. I would rather just go ahead and keep
continuing, continuing the game. I appreciate that you're trying to help me learn, but I
would really like to not do that. Would that be okay with you? Well, now you're setting
up a boundary and then you can see if that yellow flag turns green, right? Cause you're
like, Oh, I'm, I'm so sorry. Cause you, we never know what people are working on internally
in themselves. We never know how their nerves are showing up. And so that's why we really
encourage you ladies, unless there's like red flags, men are completely inappropriate
crossing really not like boundaries that don't need to be crossed. I want to encourage you
ladies to give guys second dates. Okay. Now we want men initiating the second date. So
a lot of times what happens, and this happened to me, ladies, I go on a date and be like,
okay, it was all right. I'll, I would be open to a second date. I let them know, Hey, thank
you for the time. We should do this again. Then they would never ask me out on a second
date and I didn't have to worry about it. I didn't have to worry about saying, Oh, I
don't think we're a good match. I let them lead. I said, I was open to it, but if they
were not really in it, they weren't going to ask me for a second date. But if they were,
then I was going to be open to at least giving them a second, second shot. And then that's where
I'm looking for. That's when you're going to ladies, when you're gonna look for those,
if there's yellow flags, cause everybody's got them, we're going to learn how to navigate those
yellow flags so that we can find out, are those yellow flags going to turn green?
Are these men teachable? Are they mature? Are they masculine? Or are these going to be like
red flags? Is he really, truly a bossy man? And it's going to be super controlling because once
you give them a couple dates, that stuff comes to surface ladies. It really does. So, but I get
Heather. I don't, I don't want you to feel like you did anything wrong because I wouldn't want
to guys talking that way either. So let's get to the love bomber. So, cause you brought up,
like you have this, you, you already know you're avoidant. And so those are things that we're
going to be looking for and your patterns and what's showing up. And so there's going to be
some stretching here at times, but yeah, love bombing ladies that that's, so it's a yellow,
orange flag. So again, we're going to want to make sure that we're responding. We're setting
clear boundaries. Ladies, you have to set boundaries with love bombers. If you don't
like your, your, for some of you that don't have boundaries, you're just going to let them,
Oh, Oh, okay. I'm going to give them a shot. I'm going to give them a shot.
And then you're just going to find yourself in a not so great situation. All right. So you want
to make sure that you're giving clear boundaries with love bombers, because then when the love
bomber consistently like crosses those boundaries, that's when it's a no thank you. And that's when
you might need to bless and block. So what's this, this man is just constantly showing up in your
email. So this is the guy who I met for drinks and we met kind of impromptu. I just on a day,
and we were going to plan to meet that week. And then he was like, Oh yeah, I'm in town. And I was
like, well, I'm out. And I felt I looked cute enough and fine. And it was, I'm like, well,
do you want to just meet if you're in town? Cause he lives a little bit North of the city.
That's why that was. And he was like, sure. He's I said, well, you I'm free now or I'm free later.
He's like, okay, how about four? And I'm like, sure. He's like, I'll pick a place and I'll text
you. So he did. And he picked, he picked a bar in Harlem and just fine. I knew where it was as
well-known, but when I went there, he like, they had a game kind of going on in the area. And
we just were, it wasn't great for talking. And then his cousin was there. Like he had,
he's like, Oh, I ran into my cousin. And what I realized in the conversation was like,
this is a normal place. They know that people are going to be there that cause they know people.
So he took me to a place where he has people, which made me feel a little on display. And then
his cousin was like, every now and then we'd be talking to me like, Ooh, come around and talk.
It was just kind of awkward. And so how do you feel about being very clear and direct in your
communication with these guys? When, when, you know, you're feeling uncomfortable or do you feel
comfortable saying, Hey, like this doesn't make me feel good. I really, I'm really uncomfortable
right now.
that you know we're in a place that your cousin keeps interrupting and this is
our first date we're trying to get to know each other would it be okay that
maybe we find somewhere else to go or maybe reschedule well I kept it short I
my communication when I don't feel energy hard energy coming at me I'm
better at it and like the guy for pool I actually did what you were saying I was
like okay you have a daughter okay I'm okay I think we can go on and he didn't
listen he just was like no no no we'll do it again that's how you get better
saw that but and the second guy just I haven't X'd out like I'm not gonna see
him again he present but this guy I I felt like because I kind of sprung an
impromptu suggestion and I was there maybe he felt a little insecure so he
went to someplace that was super familiar but then like I said like every
morning there's a text before I wake up and I and I told him I was just like you
text really early in the morning I'm not gonna be texting people that time he's
like no that's good so yeah communicate like hey I noticed you you message early
in the morning I'm not an early morning texter because we are still getting to
know each other I try to keep conversation to a minimum until we start
getting to know each other a little better yeah seeing I mean this is where
I think it's gonna be setting clear healthy boundaries in a soft manner okay
we don't have to be really harsh with our boundaries we can still be show up
feminine on our boundaries and allow them to either honor our boundaries or
not I think communication making sure that you're clear if you are not
comfortable it's okay ladies to share with men I'm not really comfortable with
this because a masculine mature man again is is created to protect and
provide they're there to provide security protection not just like I mean
I know a lot of times we think in the sense of financial that is just a very
small piece very small piece like the man is going to give you a covering of
just peace protective provision and it's going to include like your emotional
security too so it's okay to communicate I'm not feeling comfortable can we move
to something else that is more comfortable this is what would be
comfortable with me is that something that you're willing and able to do yes
your man is so he'll show up and then if he doesn't now I'm not gonna say that
sometimes they might slip up but sometimes they just oh remember this
this doesn't make me feel comfortable I mean I still have to sometimes express
to my husband I I just need you to listen I don't need your feedback like
and sometimes my husband wants to give me all the ways to fix things cuz he's
a problem solver and I'm like honey I don't need you to fix my problems I just
need you to listen and let me vent and like sometimes he'll come in and he'll
let me know honey remember not fixing right now you just let me that and then
he's like oh yeah okay so I think that is that would be the feedback that I
have for you don't be afraid to communicate what your boundaries are
okay does that sound helpful it does I just have to find the words that I need
to like let that one go because it's a lifestyle difference I I know he's not
it but I also need to figure out how to say it and that makes me nervous but I'll
keep it simple yeah hey thank you so much for taking time to get to know me I
don't see that this is gonna be a romantic match I wish you the best of
luck okay and then I mean ladies again these you're in early level two you've
gone on one maybe two dates and you're okay it doesn't have to be oh I don't
think that we're a match because this and that they don't if they ask and you
want to give it to him and you think that they're being respectful by all
means so if he's like oh well thank you for letting me know was there something
that I did or can you help me understand that and you say our lifestyles are
completely different and that's it I mean you don't have to like I think
women just be overanalyzed and we're such emotional creatures and we forget
that a lot of times men aren't and where we want a lot of explanation and we want
a lot of emotion in it ladies men are very cut-dry simple most of them are
anyway so we don't have to overthink it we can make easy simple clean breaks
cool thank you you are welcome all right Michelle how are you today I'm good how
are you good okay
Hey, so this is sort of like, I get the bit of an update on the guy that I've been seeing just level two.
We've been on four days.
Um,
that's 30 minutes.
So if you can try to keep it short, brief and powerful for me, okay.
Give me just the, the big highlights.
Okay.
Well, here's like the general, I guess, takeaway question.
So it relates to him and also other guys I've talked to, or I feel like a real difference between when I date guys who have kids versus
don't in regards to like their availability, their time, their, um, I guess what I sense more is like just their emotional capacity.
So I'm kind of wondering like what the balances of like giving grace for these guys that, especially with young kids, almost, they almost present like
they're like drowning a little bit.
And like, I'm a special ed teacher.
I teach young kids and almost sometimes I have this sense of like, Hey, my boat's going under, can you get in here with me and like bail water out?
Like, I don't know.
Like I just, I can sense the like franticness.
Um, but I feel like there's grace for that obviously, but I don't know.
I just, it's also like, it's just, it's kind of tough for me to gauge.
Like, is he just not interested because I'm not hearing from him as much or because we don't, he doesn't have as much time to go out.
Or is it just that he's literally exhausted and just super, I don't know, doesn't have a lot of space where it just comes into play of just,
you know, being patient with the pacing and the process of what they're able to do.
Um, I think it's going to take a number of, you know, you're probably going to have to go on two or three dates to kind of see how they're showing up.
And again, just make sure you're sharing with us in the community, like, Hey, how to date with so-and-so this is kind of what happened.
And then we can kind of map out and kind of see like with each date, how is he showing up?
And we can give you feedback and pointers of, okay, so this happened, try this.
Okay.
So, because again, you bring up a really good thing because ladies, um, Michelle, you, you don't have kids, but you are, you have experience with kids and you're cool dating guys with kids.
Like there's no, you're totally fine with the idea of being a bonus mom.
Um, do you want kids for yourself, like later in the future, like biologically?
Um, I do, but I'm 34 and I have, I don't share this with guys, but I know I've had quite a few auto-immune like endocrine issues.
And so I would love to, could I, would I love to have four kids?
Yes.
Do I see myself like physically giving birth to four kids?
No.
So like, I'm also open to adoption and foster.
You're like, okay, Hey, I would like some of my own.
If it doesn't happen, you're, you're open to whatever God wants to do and when involving children.
Right.
Except for I, I typically, I would only prefer to date a guy with younger kids.
So like, you don't want like the older teen grown adult, it feels like a different season.
It just feels odd to me.
Yeah.
Okay.
I, that, that would be one of those things you're going to hold loosely.
Okay.
You're not going to, you know, that's where you're going to give, give God the pen because what if God shows up with this
amazing guy and he's got a 13 year old daughter, like, you know, again, that happened to me.
My, my husband showed up with an 11 year old.
I, she's now 13 and y'all, I didn't like, I'm still learning how to navigate having a teen girl.
Right.
But you know, I'm constantly being reminded God doesn't like, what is the saying?
God doesn't call the equipped.
He equips the called ladies.
That's my, that's my experience right now.
So I love that you're open to this, but I think it's really a good question of how much grace do you give?
So ladies keep in mind, single dads, it is probably a big challenge.
It's, it's more challenging.
And this is my opinion.
It is more challenging for men to be single dads and is for single moms.
Our society is really, it's like the single moms, the moms of all the single moms get the credit.
The single dads, many of them don't know what they're doing at times.
And they're just trying to stay afloat.
Okay.
And then we never know what their, the children's mother's like, she could be wonderful.
She could not, we don't know.
So again, we never really know.
It's just, again, giving grace, knowing, especially if they have young children, that sometimes it's not about them not being interested.
It's about their having to manage and balance their time.
Okay.
I can only give my experience.
I was a single mom who had my child 95% of the time.
I only could date, go on physical dates every other Saturday night.
But occasionally, I'd have a friend that would help me out and I could maybe go during a weekday.
But it would be, that would be a challenge for me because I had to pick my kid up from, I was at
work, pick my kid up from aftercare, get him fed, get him to wherever he was supposed to go, get my
self ready to like look presentable for a date, quickly go on a date, pick him back up, get him
his bath, get him to bed, and then be up early the next morning to get my kid going again. So,
I probably, on many of those weekday dates, didn't show up in my best way.
So, just keep that in mind. That's why I encourage you, let us know what's happening on each date.
How is the man showing up? What's the communication like? Because again, I'm not,
I was never somebody that wanted to communicate every single day. My life was busy. I was a
single mom. That's interesting, like, because that's so different from where I'm like,
me and my ex-boyfriend talked on the phone probably four times a day, you know, but,
and so like, well, that was the boyfriend. You were in an exclusive relationship to talk.
This is a complete stranger. You don't need to be talking to a complete stranger every single day.
Because again, you ladies are, should be, okay, we encourage you ladies, I shouldn't say should,
we encourage you ladies to get to know a couple different people at a time.
I don't know about you all, but if I'm getting to know three different guys and I'm having
three different conversations each day, plus my work, plus my own friends,
and then if you have children, that's a lot. All right. So just keep that in mind.
What, how does it make you feel if someone isn't reaching out to you every day?
Um, at the beginning, it doesn't, it feels appropriate. I think we've been on four dates,
though. I feel myself with him. I feel myself wanting to talk to him more. Just because I think
I can sense that I'm wanting to, like, I just want to get to know him better because we only go out,
like you said, every other weekend. And the last week, Saturday, I was sick. I was, I'm having like
an autoimmune flare. And I just couldn't do a long distance all day, you know, day. Cause that's
typically what, and I just, so I've been questioning, really praying about my capacity,
his capacity. Like he's a great guy. I'm like, is this, does this make any sense? Like, you know,
I'm kind of, can you, have you thought about going and being like, Hey, you know, we've been on four
dates. I'm really enjoying to get to know you. I want to get to know you a little bit more.
And I know that, you know, we don't have the time to have physical in-person dates,
except every other weekend, which is totally cool. Is there any time in your schedule during the week
that we can set out an hour where we can be on the phone and having conversation?
Well, I did that a couple, I do that like three weeks ago. And he was like, well, I actually have
been, he's a mental health therapist. And once I feel like he kind of, I don't know, like he's like,
well, I've actually been waiting for you to see if you would initiate that. Cause I feel like the
best relationships are 50 50. And I was like, okay. But then he didn't like, so then I did call him
like the next night, but then he, he's, I honestly just think he works 12 hour days and is getting a
master's and has two little kids. And he just had a lot going on for sure. I mean, try this.
I would say, Hey, like, let's say Sunday to say, Hey, you know, what's your week look like? Is
there, you know, I'm free Wednesday and Thursday night for a phone call. Would, would either of
those days or both of those days work for you? Let's go ahead. Maybe he's a person that needs
to put things on his calendar. Who knows? I I'm just, let's problem solve. Let's see if we can
come up with some solutions. And if he's not taking the bait and he's not putting forth the effort,
then, you know, you might need to have a conversation of like, Hey, I'm, I'm just seeing
that maybe we don't, we're not in alignment with our, our scheduling and maybe we need to kind of
part ways, or you might not even need to have that conversation at all.
Are you also on the apps or finding other ways to get out and date and get to know other people?
Yeah, I have gone on dates. They just haven't been, they've been like one or two dates
that I have. And after that, you know, you really are interested in, you kind of hope this might
just to be
it might take him some time to get himself caught up.
You don't have to take him completely off.
You're not closing the door on him,
but he might be one of those,
okay, that burner might need to simmer a little bit
and see if it progresses to something
while you're still getting out to know other people.
You're putting out feelers for him,
seeing what he has the capacity for.
I think after four dates, I think it's okay to say,
hey, do you find that you have the capacity for this?
Having the conversation of,
I notice it's really hard for us to get to know each other
on any sort of deeper levels
as we've gone on four dates now.
Is this something that you're interested in
continuing to get to know,
or do we need to just kind of slow things down?
What works?
Yeah, I had a text drafted yesterday
and I was gonna send it when he got home from work last night
that basically was just that,
but kind of ending it and just saying like,
listen, it feels like,
it was really nice and well-written and whatever.
And then he out of the blue called me last night
and I had not complained, I had not said a word,
but apologized for how busy he'd been,
kind of said a lot of the things that were in my message.
And so then I didn't say anything.
That's where I think, don't put the ending on it, okay?
I think for now, keep the door open.
Let's kind of see how his life progresses.
Just again, extend the grace.
It's not like you're putting all your eggs in this basket.
If you were putting all the eggs in this basket,
I'd be like, okay, we're gonna need to navigate it.
But you seem like you're still open
to getting to know people.
You're not gonna be devastated and tore up from the floor up
if he just says, look, I'm sorry,
this is just not a good season in my life.
You can be, okay, I respect that.
I wish you the best of luck.
Because again, ladies,
just because things might not be working right now,
doesn't mean that it's in that,
it could be a certain season.
I can't tell you how many people in our community
met their spirit mate and it didn't work out right away.
And then it circled back around.
There was full circle moments.
Like we, so again,
don't think that you have to have a hard ends.
It can be amicable.
You can, again, we're reciprocating effort here.
We wanna reciprocate the effort that men are putting in.
Does that make sense?
Okay.
We're not withholding ourselves.
If we're reaching out to them, they're reaching out to us.
It's kind of going mutual back and forth.
Okay.
We're not doing all the initiating.
We're not making them do all the initiating.
Okay.
For a second date, yes,
we want them to initiate the second date
because it shows that they're still interested.
But you have to communicate
that you wanna go on a second date with them.
Does that make sense?
I don't know why I decided to say that
because that's not privy to your situation right now.
But as I'm talking with all of you ladies,
I think that's important to just remember.
But Michelle, definitely don't hesitate to post in the app
like what's happening on your dates,
what your interactions are like with them
so that myself or Ebony can give you constant feedback
and we can have eyes on it.
Because ladies, remember, we're your wing women.
Okay.
We can help you see those blind spots.
But if we don't get to see anything, it's blind to us too.
We have to know what's happening in your situations.
And for some of you, that's gonna be a stretch,
gonna be a piece of vulnerability of like,
oh, I gotta share something.
Okay.
All right.
I'm taking up a lot of time for each of you
and I wanna get to everybody
and I've got about 15 minutes left.
I've got Karen, Stephanie, and then my girl, Jennifer.
Karen, how are you?
And I said, Jennifer wanted us to read to the end.
I wanted to make sure that she's still on.
Okay, good, I see her.
All right, Karen, you had some great,
probably some revealing,
like God kind of showed you
where the root of some of your negative thoughts were.
I'm not sure if that's what your question is.
If it is, we can dive into it.
If not, let's just short, brief, and powerful.
What is your question?
Yeah, my question kind of has changed
because a lot of questions have been getting answered.
I've just started talking to people
and I saw Kim Estes on here
saying that she's a little nervous
and I am tracking with you, Kim.
I really did not want to get out there and do anything.
But I think for me, the change became that,
it was the word dating for discovery.
really was important because I know that that's where,
that's so important to me to continue the healing.
So something actually popped up today with a coworker
that would have been an ugly situation
if I had been in a dating situation.
And it may go back to what I posted in the group,
but we've had a little bit of a conflict.
I work as a children's ministry director now.
And so when you work in a church setting,
you obviously are dealing with different personalities
cloaked under the whole Christian,
we wanna make sure that we're not being offensive
at any time.
But I wanted to also just say the heart work did work
because one of the things that has popped up
is I realized that in previous relationships
with not just men, but in general,
people tend to assign me feelings.
So they might say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
but you were upset or, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
You were sad at this moment or you were happy.
So I knew, and we just went through a musical
and we had some interesting things go down.
And so we were in a meeting today
and I got assigned the feeling upset.
And it's so funny, I was not upset
because thankfully for heart work,
I had already started like digging in
and I knew like when little things were popping up,
I was like really addressing them and moving on.
And there were opportunities to get upset, yes,
but I was really fine.
So I actually, but my response was out of bounds.
I mean, I like came out like, you know what I mean?
I came out like that line, like her,
please don't assign feelings to me, do not do that.
I will get upset if you assign feelings to me.
And I know that that was way over the top
and I'm gonna have to go back in and apologize to her.
But I wanted to just address that
and see what you're feeling with that
as well as answer the questions that you had for me.
Yeah, no, I think the first thing that came up is,
give yourself grace for having an emotional response.
It's totally okay.
Ladies, I can't tell you how many times
I have emotional responses in my marriage.
And I'm like, oh, like I didn't handle that well.
All right, we're not perfect.
I think it's to be celebrated that you recognize
what was bothering you,
that you don't like being assigned feelings.
It's being highlighted to you.
The first thought that I had when you were saying that
and how you can respond to people that assign you feelings,
be like, oh, wow, that's interesting to hear.
Can you help me understand why you thought I was upset?
What was it that I did that made you feel like I was upset?
And then you get to hear their response
because maybe it's an action or something that you said
that is their perception of you being upset.
And then at that point, you'd be like, oh my goodness,
I'm so sorry, I did not realize I did that.
I didn't realize I said that.
I actually was not upset.
Oh, I'm sorry that I made you feel like I was upset.
This is actually what happened
and this is what I was experiencing.
I should have put you in for me at the meeting today.
Girl, I can only do this because I'm the outsider.
Do you think I do this well in my own life?
Probably not.
I'm a very, like, I go,
like I'm an emotionally responsive person.
And so the only reason I can share this
is because it's something that I have to remind myself
to do on a daily basis.
So just keep that in your back pocket.
Thankfully, I have people in my life
that constantly remind me,
hey, like, maybe you need to ask more questions.
Like my husband is the person, like 100%.
Like, he's like, why do you often assume
and not ask people questions?
Like one thing I'm learning in my own communication skills
is to ask more questions,
to get more information from another person's perspective.
My husband likes to say, feelings aren't facts.
But I'm like, but everything is feelings for me.
I'm a feeler.
So that was the first thing that came to mind
is when people assign you feelings,
to respond and, oh, wow, I didn't,
can you help me understand why you thought I felt that way?
Was there something that I did or said
that made you think that I was upset?
Made you think that I was frustrated?
Made you think that I was angry?
Made you think that I was sad?
Like, and get why they actually believe that you are that, like, you have that feeling.
Address it.
Say, actually, that's not how I was feeling.
I'm sorry that, you know, my response to you or my action to you made you think that
I was, because then you can actually, if you, if there's a pattern there of a response,
God will reveal that to you and you can start working on showing up differently.
Does that make sense?
Yes.
And honestly, it was actually a blessing that I had a response because normally I really
try, I probably wear a mask and I think one of the things that's happening is like my
authentic, you know, I'm starting to be really probably more raw than I want to be right
now, but definitely more authentic, you know, as I'm working for it.
Yeah.
This is all.
And then, and I love the fact that, you know, that you also are connecting with Kim as well.
Because Kim, I wrote, I wrote your comment down too, and this feeling fearful to get
out into dating, like ladies, I cannot tell you, I as well struggled with that.
I was a single mom.
I had been hurt.
I was scared to go back and get hurt again because now it wasn't just me, it was, I had
a little one too.
And so it took me a little, a little while to get comfortable with the idea of dating.
But what I can say is that the sooner you get it started, the growth and the healing
really will take place.
And you have a community here that's here to support you, lift you up, give you encouragement
to help, you know, kind of take the edge and the nerves off.
But we all have, like God will utilize this opportunity to grow and heal you in ways that
you like, it's unimaginable.
Like I can't tell you my own experience of, it wasn't just, it wasn't just about finding
my spirit mate.
Like God was really growing me and healing me in areas that I had no idea I needed to
even be healed in.
And he used it in this community, in this program, and in the dating, you know, opportunities
or the fears and things that came up and came to surface.
So we'll encourage, Kim, if you haven't already, just make a post in the community.
We can kind of navigate that for you as well.
Kind of give you some tips of, you know, what's, what's keeping you blocked, what, what kind
of things can we just, you know, let's, let's put a, let's put a toe in, let's put a foot
in.
You don't, ladies, you don't have to go like marathon, run it, like go dive in super quick
and like, go head first in the deep end.
Like everybody has different paces.
Okay.
So it might just be this idea of, I'm going to get dressed in a dress.
I'm going to do my hair.
I'm going to do my makeup.
I'm going to go to the grocery store.
I'm going to start making eye contact with men.
I'm going to start making small talk with people.
I'm going to smile more.
Maybe we start you there and let's see how, how comfortable you get with that.
And then maybe it is going on the apps.
If you need our help with helping you with your profile, picking some photos for you
to post, we're here to do that for you ladies as well.
Okay.
But all good things, Karen.
I love the breakthroughs that you're getting, the revealings that you're getting.
I love that you, you recognize that you kind of grew up in this competitive environment.
And I think, you know, going through the hard work process, you know, maybe there's
some people that you, you know, you forgive, you know, situations that might start surfacing
some memories that come up and start recognizing what was your belief?
What's the belief that you started believing about being competitive?
Do you have a scarcity mindset?
Are you constantly feeling like you have to, that you have to measure up that you have
to be worth something?
No, that was, you hit like 100% nail on the head because we were trained.
There's one slot.
There are 300 of you for one slot.
When you mentioned ballet, I was like, Oh girl, it was so competitive.
Yeah, it was, it was cutthroat.
And I think that my experience was, was a little bit different because it was something
that I believe God wanted me to do.
And I've talked about this in other, in other scenarios, but it was something God wanted
me to do.
So I kept on getting called out into certain things.
So I did not have the audition experience, which was not super popular among the friends.
So yeah, so a lot of times you are, I mean, and you spend so much time.
with them, that your besties are also competing with you for roles, they're competing with you
for positions at ballet schools and academies all over the country. It was just, so yeah,
like start navigating and being like, okay, what, what belief or lie was I believing in this
situation? Like what did, you know, and is it true? Well, no, it's not true. It's not a scarcity. We
don't live in a scarcity world. Like there's enough for everybody, right? God gives us all
good things, right? And so it's, again, it's just walking through that process, recognize what is
the lie that you believe while maybe even walking through some of that forgiveness. Do you need to
forgive, you know, your mom, your mom was critical. Okay. Do you need to forgive yourself? Do you need
to forgive some of your friends and the other girls that you were surrounded by? Was there
situations that you need to forgive and release them to God and then asking God to replace those
lies with his truth? What does he really say about you? You are worthy, right? And we don't,
we're not, we're like, our worth does not come from our ability to be chosen over somebody else
or whatever it is. Like, so I would encourage you to walk through that process. I think these
are all good things. Like ladies, this phase is not just about the whole dating. So many things
will be uncovered and revealed. And we will walk you through that process. Heartwork continues,
even in marriage, ladies, artwork will still continue. Karen, thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you, Carla. You're welcome. Stephanie. So good to see you. I feel like I missed you last week.
I wasn't here. I don't know what happened, but I wasn't here. I miss you too. I love your videos.
You crack me up. Thank you so much. I am trying, I'm trying to make sure you'll be proud of me
because every time I'm about to roll my eyes or do something, I was like, oh, she said, you must
be nice. Be nice. That was my first encounter with you. I must be nice. You're like, I hear
Carla in my ear. I do. Okay. So I, it was very quick. So I have not been on a date.
It kind of feel a little discouraging, but not discouraging at the same time.
And I was trying to figure, should I change my profile? I'm on the Facebook one. I did the
Holy one, but the Holy one, there is brand spanking new. And most of them, and you know,
they wanted to pay the subscription and then they're turning, asking you to promote the,
promote their thing. And I'm like, I can't pay you to promote you. That doesn't make any sense.
So, um, what do you suggest I could do to kind of like, yeah, I like the Facebook one,
that one for my own experience, it kind of ebbed and flowed. Like sometimes I had,
it was like raining men. I'm like, hallelujah. It's raining men. And other times I'm like,
where the men at? It's a drought. Like what's happening. All right. So that one is like,
it's, it's with seasons. So I would say just continue to keep giving that one a shot.
Um, yeah, maybe instead of doing the Holy, try, try something else. Try a new one.
Um, hinge upward. Um, so upward is so much, it has so much scammer on upward.
It's like something I'm trying to figure out if upward is safe, but you know,
here's the thing. I mean, it's not just one site being unsafe over the others. Ladies,
believe it or not, there's going to be scammers on every single one of these sites, you know?
And that's again, why I emphasize you ladies come to the community, let us know what's going on.
Make sure, I mean, it's, it's one reason why if you ladies are local, okay. You meet somebody
locally, you definitely get a Google number or set up like, and if you're on Facebook,
you can just messenger them. Okay. You don't have to be friends with somebody to,
to message somebody on Facebook or even do as a video call on Facebook messenger. So that's
why I like Facebook as the option, but you know, give a Google number. If you have it,
if you set up zooms, if they're local though, and you've had a few exchanges on the app,
meet them in person, just meet them in public places. Don't meet them super late at night.
Okay. But if they're local, don't hesitate to get in person. You don't have to do a video call
with someone look like if you can get in person, I encourage, and I would stress for you ladies,
if you are connecting with people that live an hour, two hours long distance, even further,
get that video call within the first week, make sure that they say who they are, who they are.
Cause ladies, if they do not want to jump on a video call and they keep dodging it,
probably because they're not who they say they are or they're insecure about how they look
because their pictures are from.
from five, 10 years ago.
I mean, that's why I always encourage that.
Definitely try out another one if you want.
If you want, have you posted your profile
for us to look over before?
You can't remember.
No, no, but I-
If you wanna do that, we can look at that too
and we can see if maybe we can doctor it up a little bit.
Okay.
But I have a different, okay, nobody judge me, please.
Because what I'm gonna say, so because I've been,
I was in a very abusive marriage 10 years ago.
So I am, you know, the hard work helped me so much.
So this is my thing.
And if I'm praying wrong, so I've been,
this is my prayer, I've been praying,
Lord, I wanna either meet this person in the community
or this person will join the community
to get the heart healing or they're totally already healed.
And so that they can love me without, you know,
because some of those traumatic experiences,
sometimes I still act a little sheltered
and, you know, try to hold everything in.
So I've been praying for this.
If I'm doing it wrong, you can let me know,
but that's what I've been doing.
So I'm really, even though I'm out there doing it,
my eyes is really like,
I wish I could find someone in the community.
I know, absolutely.
And, you know, I can relate to that.
That was kind of even, you know, where I was at.
I'm like, oh, just let him already be in this community.
I did meet and talk to a few guys from this community
and it was great.
They were wonderful guys.
They just weren't my spirit mate.
I don't think there's anything wrong with being hopeful
that it works out that way.
But what I will say is sometimes God will challenge us
and God will bring us our spirit mate.
And we know we have a vision on what we want it to look like
and what we think it could look like
and how great would it be if it was this way.
Ladies, God will still just have his way
and it could be that way.
He might decide to do it completely different way.
Maybe it is, he's going to introduce you to spirit mate
on a dating app.
Because maybe he's going to take you through this,
being able to trust in him and trust in yourself
and find yourself to be open,
especially as you walk through the healing
from this traumatic experience
of being in an abusive marriage.
I can only like, that's hard ladies, I get it.
And that's why I'm so thankful for this community
and what Jackie teaches is because it's pieces
like the heart work that really is going to help continue
to give you more breakthrough.
And I think it's, you've done such a beautiful job here
with us, Stephanie,
and I know you've gotten so much great healing
and you continue to do it.
You show up, you do the uncomfortable things.
And like I said, we just never know what love story
God has written for us.
I like you and like so many women here is like,
please just bring him into the community.
I had one guy that was in our community
that lived in the town next to me.
And y'all, I lived in Sarasota, Florida.
It is not people and they were not in their 30s and 40s.
All the people who are in their 30s and 40s
were already married with kids.
It was really hard to find singles in that area,
in that region.
And so when this guy was in the community,
working through heart work,
and he was only like a couple of years younger than me
and he was super cute y'all, like he was really cute.
But we went out on a date and it just wasn't it.
We actually, he's a good friend, but I was so hopeful.
It was going to be through this community,
but God did it differently.
He used this community and one of the women in this community
to find my husband for me,
throw my name out to my husband on a Facebook group,
like a single Christian Facebook group.
One of the girls in this community was dating someone,
saw this, my husband's profile was like,
you need to meet my friend.
And he's like, huh?
And so I did meet my husband through this community,
but he didn't enter this community.
He didn't do the heart work with Jackie.
He did his own therapy and his own counseling.
So you just never know how God can write your love story.
So I don't think there's anything wrong
with praying for it, desiring it, being hopeful,
but let's just, again, hold those things loosely
and be open.
Yeah, you will stay open and you're going to do great.
We're here to help you navigate.
Like I said, if you want to post your profile, like what we can maybe doctor that up, share
with us the photos that you've used, we can kind of help you with that.
I will tell you sometimes like y'all before this program, some of my photos that I use
were probably just not good dating photos.
And so it kind of attracted the not got like great guys that I was attracting.
And so I had to change even my photos up a little bit.
So those are all things that we're here to help you with.
Okay.
Sound good.
All right.
Jennifer, are you ready?
I'm going to I'm going to extend it like let's, let's try to button this up in five minutes
so that I'm not going to too far over time.
Okay.
Yeah, of course.
Um, I can also hop on with Ebony later on, try to, because it probably doesn't need more
than five minutes.
Okay.
Yeah.
And I can, I'll shoot Ebony a message to have you go first.
Thank you.
Go first today.
That's totally fine.
That's my fault.
I was trying to work and I, my passenger was in my car a little longer than I don't blame
you.
Like, yeah, I can totally, I can totally understand that.
The one thing that I, okay, so I'm just going to give a brief background.
Jennifer came and she's been sharing some stuff in the app, which is great.
She's doing exactly what we know.
We encourage you ladies to do.
She's showing up, letting us know what's happening in her life and her dating life, what she's
experiencing.
And, um, you brought something up about a guy, like right now you're kind of, um, navigating
financial and career transition, so you're not really dating, but there's a guy that,
you know, you know, a community that asked you out on a date.
It sounded like he canceled on you, rescheduled.
You weren't sure how you felt about him, but you brought something up.
And this is why I wanted just to see if maybe there's some revealing for healing there and
maybe there isn't.
Maybe there is your, and I'm just quoting.
I feel like anytime a guy has shown me that he might not be prepared to show up or treat
me well, I gave them a second chance and I ended up getting hurt and regretting it.
My question was, do you find that this is a pattern?
I will say that I think the pattern for me is such that, and I think I'm have been, why
I wanted to talk it through is because I've been trying to use this community and the
movement through it more so for healing than for finding my spirit mate.
Like I think that's the byproduct, like you were saying earlier.
So in that, I've been kind of like self-examining, like what have I been doing wrong?
And I think I've been kind of beating myself up a little bit about not when God shows me
something and I go to take action on it, like say goodbye to a person, I don't stick to that.
So I'm not good at ending things.
I'm not good at walking away.
And so I let people circle back and come back into my life and then I get hurt in exactly
the way that God showed me I was going to.
Like the last person before I came to this community had similar behaviors and he ghosted
me after we had gone on our third date and made plans for another date.
And so I gave him about a week and prayed about it.
And then I was like, okay, I'm very clear that there's some dishonesty happening.
Like he said that he was out of town.
He posted on social media that he was at a wedding in town.
So there were just some things that came up.
So I very politely said to him, like, hey, it was really nice getting to know you.
I think that there's some inconsistency here.
So this person that I'm asking you about just texted me as we're talking.
I just got a text from him as we're talking.
Oh Lord.
Yeah.
But so I-
Challenging ladies.
They all, that's, I mean, that's, I mean, we learned that in heartwork, right?
Because sometimes when we like put boundaries up, those people will start creeping back
in.
It's almost like a spiritual, like, okay, I'm going to, you know, custom tie.
And then all of a sudden it's like, whoo, they feel it, you know?
And they don't even know, like that's what's happening.
But this is the person, this is a year ago before I came into heartwork where this happened,
but he came back a week later and gave me a big explanation and an apology.
He made me a playlist, love-bombed me, said that he was very sorry that he was ending
things with someone else and that he wanted to, you know, clarify things.
So I gave him a second chance and I got my heart broken in exactly the way God showed
me that I would have the first time.
I also feel like I opened a door.
That I shouldn't have there because God was trying to show me some things about his spirituality. He's not a believer
He said he was into
indigenous practices
family is part Native American
and so
After I ended things I came out of my house, this is gonna sound crazy, but there were
torn off bird wings left on my vehicle
Bloody bird wings the next it looked it looks like witchcraft type stuff, right?
But I've had nothing but car problems since then not to be like hyper spiritual
but ever every single thing that God showed me what would transpire in my life if I allowed that person access has come up and
I've paid a price for it and
I want to encourage you. Let's like pray
Against that because it is if if that's what's happening
That's a spiritual attack and there is power in our prayers when we start
Partnering cuz God's not gonna sit here and let all these horrible things happen to you
Yeah, it's a spiritual battle. And so I don't want you start feeling like I did something wrong. So now this is happening to me
Yeah, can I show you I'm standing in front of my car not long after that happened
I was literally driving down the road and I hit a coyote
At random like it just ran out on the road this is what happens bring a hedge a protection over your vehicle
Thank you Heavenly Father. I just you know, you are a good and loving father. You love Jennifer Lord
She her heart is to be obedient to you and you are a kind and loving father Lord
But even when we step out of you are big or your obedience or your desire for us. You are such a loving father
That you correct us gently
Lord and I just pray that over Jennifer right now that you soften her heart and
towards herself Lord
That she forgives herself
That you love her and that yes, Kathy no weapon formed against Jennifer can prosper
Lord we just again just hedge a protection not just over her vehicle, but over her dating
experiences Lord
That you are just going to bring
Solid men of faith in her path to show her that good men
exist
There are men that are for you. There are kinsmen Redeemers out there
That there are masculine men out there that are going that want and desire to step into the kingdom marriages that you have
Anointed every single one of them and their wives for Lord
I pray that anointing over every woman on this call every woman on this replay
That you have anointed them for the marriages that are going to bring glory
Anointed them for the marriages that are going to bring glory for your kingdom Heavenly Father. I
Thank you for this. Oh
And your son's mighty name
Amen Carla, can I pray for her? Yes, okay
Jennifer we're gonna break the curse off because you need to break the curse off. There's a curse
Okay, so in the name of Jesus I
break the curse
off of me and he hacks backs
incantation
spiritual attack that is
That is from the pit of hell
father
Jennifer does not partner with the curse. She no longer is attached to the curse
The blood of Jesus covers her there's a ring of fire around her her property her car her family
Her mind her heart her spirit her soul
she is covered and cleansed by the blood of the Lamb from this curse and
We play pray blessings of abundance
repair and
Justice that
Father God, we ask that you would
Repay everything that the enemy has stolen
You say that it comes seven times?
So father, we just thank you for that. We thank you for Jennifer that she is free
from this person
from the curse
From anything that comes up against her and so father God right now in the name of Jesus
We just thank you that you love your your daughter Jennifer and that it is done and finished
in Jesus name
Amen
Amen. Thank you. Anita. That's wonderful
Jennifer i'm so glad that you couldn't that you stayed on this call. I'm, so so thankful for you joining us. I think
some spiritual things just broke off, and I want to encourage you that you didn't do anything wrong.
You didn't know what you didn't know, and it's okay to forgive yourself and move forward.
That's what this community is all about, okay? You don't have to be fearful that you're going
to give men a second chance that are going to hurt you, okay? You have a community,
a support system, and most importantly, you have God, okay? Thank you so much. Ladies,
I appreciate each and every one of you. I hope that this call has blessed you.
Don't forget to get dressed up this week, go out, take a picture of yourself,
all right? Share in the community. Let us know what dating experiences that you got going on,
okay? We're here to help you. It's not just about finding your spirit mate. It's about
the preparation. It's about healing and growing, all of that, okay? God's going to come do some
amazing things, and the husband is just the cherry on top, okay? Ladies, such a pleasure.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't wait to hear from you all in the app this week,
and see you again next week. Okay, bye. I'm praying for you, Carla. I'm praying for you.
Bye-bye. Good night. Okay. Bye, ladies. Bye-bye.