You called out my name.
Sorry.
I probably spoke to you, but yeah.
Hey, Diana.
Hi.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't have any favorites, so if I miss your name, I'm sorry.
Hey, everybody.
But I just like to be as personable as possible
because we are, I want us to feel like a ladies group.
It's us tonight.
So I hope you guys are all having a good week.
Who is, if it's your first time with us,
give us a wave of a hand.
No first timers.
You Sky, is that your hand?
Well, first time in phase two, yes.
Yay.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Trying to find the wave, the hand wave, sorry.
Who is that, you Felicia?
Trying to find the wave?
Yes.
Not Felicia.
Felicia, is this your first time?
Yes.
Oh, is that another Felicia?
Two Felicias.
I guess so.
We're strong.
Yeah, it's two Felicias.
Hey, Nikki, is this your first time in phase two coaching?
Yes, it is.
Hello.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey, Shelly.
Hey, Denise.
Now that I've hate everybody.
Welcome.
I'm Ebony.
I am coaching.
I coach 8 o'clock.
Carla coaches 1 o'clock.
You can always come to both, or you can come one or either other.
The 1 o'clock is always recording.
You can go back and watch a replay.
8 o'clock is recorded, but it's not available for replay.
So you get the exclusive, and nobody else gets it.
So hey, but you can always come to both, or one or the other.
I am a third grade teacher, just so you know what I do.
So you can know who's coaching you.
I was in this program, I keep saying three years,
but for as long as it's going to be four years,
you're going to be able to keep up.
I did what you're doing about three, maybe three and a half
years ago.
It's absolutely amazing.
I would like to say that phase two was my most favorite part.
All of them were my most favorite part.
Phase one was really a, it changed my life,
got me ready for phase two.
But I will tell you that dating for discovery, totally,
absolutely, hands down, without a doubt,
changed my life just as much as the hard work did.
Actually, it furthered the hard work,
but this phase is like my jam.
And so I know that you guys, if you get into the swing of it,
you're going to enjoy it so much,
because you discover so much about yourself
in community with others.
And it's the only way we discover ourselves.
We cannot discover ourselves with just us and Jesus,
because Jesus is perfect.
We ain't going to have too many issues with him.
We may not want to obey him, but his grace is so good,
we don't even know we're being disobedient sometimes.
Because we have this idea that we can serve a God
that we don't obey.
But that's a different story for another day.
However, when you get in a relationship
with real people who are not perfect, like Jesus,
you get to work some muscles.
You know, kind of like people, the only people
they're in a relationship with is their dog.
Because the dog love him no matter what.
Yeah, so, but just to do a little housekeeping,
you guys want to watch at least one video a week.
And you get behind us, OK?
We all get behind.
You want to definitely hop on to prayer calls in the morning.
Saturdays are always supernaturally,
wonderfully, amazing.
Jackie does the best teachings, hands down.
I've not ever been on a Saturday call,
and it was not the best teaching, hands down.
And I've been around this community for some years,
and it's always fire.
And so you definitely want to be on that.
We have Sundays, you guys.
So many opportunities for you to do community and do community
well.
And when we get to do community well,
it is a big indicator that we will also
be able to carry that over into marriage,
because marriage is also community.
It's a community of two.
And so, yeah, let's see.
Anytime you want to, we encourage you always
to post, to share any question that you have,
every question that you have, post it.
When you go on your dates or whatever encounters
that you have, whether it be with a date or a loved one
or whatever you got going on, post details.
The more details, the better.
It helps us coach you better, so it
won't be a lot of back and forth with minor things.
But we can get to it, because sometimes we all have lives.
So you may not get back to it until two days later,
and then it was just one little question,
and you think you're coming back for an answer,
and you don't even have one.
So we want to include as much detail as we can.
When you're talking to somebody, if you
get confused about what they're saying
or you have any questions, just post it.
Don't feel anxious like you have to get a response back to this guy immediately.
It is not true.
You do not have to give us the opportunity to help you navigate what you have going on.
If you haven't set your dating profiles up yet and you haven't gone online dating yet,
let us check out your profile, what you're going to write before you post it on there.
Let us check out your photos.
It is not a requirement, but we do want to help you navigate that and navigate it well.
And so, yeah, I think I covered everything.
For all of our newcomers, do you have any questions for me?
If you want to get to your coursework, click on the course tab.
If ever there's a time you're clicking on something, if you want to find a single city
near you, click on the tab that says single city.
They're going to give you a code.
You go to that page, put that code in.
You should be allowed in.
If something happens where you can't get in, if you're looking for your courses and they're
not there, go to contact or your little photo is going to drop down, contact support, and
you want to drop a ticket about what you're experiencing.
If you're trying to post something and your post is not coming up, like all of these things
are things that happen, go to contact support, drop a ticket.
And if that doesn't work for you, reach out to one of us, post it on the wall, and we'll
be sure to help you as best we can.
But anything that you want, you should be able to find.
My name is Karen, not Karen from Virginia, but Karen, other Karen.
Right.
Okay.
So how do we post our, how do we show you our profile?
Because I'm on that silver singles.
I'm not even getting one like, like not one.
Allison either.
You either, Allison.
I will say I am getting them and they're fraudulent.
So Karen, I don't know if you noticed, but they're having a matchmaker, meet the matchmaker
next week.
And I'm getting on because I want to know what kind of matchmakers they have at silver
singles.
That's a good idea.
What are the, I missed kind of what, who, who is having the matchmakers?
Karen, I will, I will put you, look, I'll put it in the chat.
Okay, cool.
And Karen to post your profile, our app didn't allow you to post like a whole lot at one
time, I think, but you're going to have to post a picture, then screenchart your profile,
then post it as if you were doing a post and let us check it out.
Okay.
I'll do that.
Yeah.
And the thing about it is, you know, with online dating, especially if you're not doing
online dating before, you're leery about doing online dating, but the point is maybe
never done it before.
It does have ebbs and flows and it does have scammers and does have all the horrible things
that you don't want.
But it also has all the wonderful things that, that you didn't know were waiting for you,
but it does help you practice really well.
And so it does have a whole gamut of things.
Yes.
Nikki.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So I completed the heart work before the app was made.
I was in heart work for a really long time, which is like, okay, I'm, I did what I needed
to do.
It just took me a while.
So I'm new to the app.
I don't see anyone's posts.
All I see is like Bethany posted the last few times.
All I see are Bethany's posts.
Well, okay.
There is one from Michelle.
Okay.
Maybe I just didn't scroll, but this is where you would be in community.
Maybe I was looking at announcements most of the time.
Yeah.
Because you know what happens is when Bethany does her post, she pins it.
And so you have to kind of keep scrolling down to get past the pin.
Oh, that is true.
Okay.
That makes sense.
This is where I would ask the question and where I could see people share is in community.
Yeah.
Or wins.
You can post in wins.
You can post in, let me see.
Can you see that?
Oh, yeah.
Ask a coach.
It will show up for the whole community to see too.
I don't, I don't think so.
It's okay if it does.
I just was curious.
I don't think it does though.
Unless sometimes, the reason why I get confused about it, because it seems like sometimes
a person will post in the community and then they ask a coach.
And sometimes I can't tell if it's, but I think when you ask a coach, you post just
in the coach, but anybody in the community can see it under that tab.
Okay.
Yeah.
And can we ask questions that don't have to do with dating, but like spiritual questions?
Yes.
So that's the thing about phase two in, we say dating for discovery, but it's discovering
yourself all the way around.
And so you don't have to be dating to come.
to a coaching session, it really is literally all about you.
OK.
Yeah.
OK, cool.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
OK, ladies.
So now that we got some of the housekeeping out of the way,
let's just remember that when we do post,
we want to post things if it's about another dentistry
or some other type of, not just ministry,
but other speakers or anything like that,
we want to get approval from admin
because we want to keep the community safe.
And so we want to be mindful what we're posting.
If it's something that you're going to attach that's
outside of the community, not something about you,
something outside of the community, other information.
Let us pray.
Jesus, I thank you for these amazing women.
I thank you, Lord God, that we have
things that are going to pop up on the inside of us
that we need to ask within community
and that we're going to have lots of solutions on tonight
because heaven always has solutions
for whatever we are facing.
And so we're excited.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Were any of you able to wear a cute dress?
Did you find any new pruning areas?
How are we doing with our plan on pruning?
And just to catch you up, ladies,
we identified some things a couple of weeks
ago that we wanted to start pruning from our life.
So that means if we wanted to become healthier,
maybe we were going to prune away sugar.
And we came up with a plan to do that.
Maybe we wanted to learn how to communicate more.
We created a plan or a language to communicate
how we feel more.
Maybe we're going to decide that we want to be more open.
We want to be seen, heard, and known.
How are we going to do that?
Maybe when someone says something to me they don't like,
I'm going to maybe tell them, like, hey,
I really didn't like that coming.
I don't know why right now.
But when I figure it out, I'll let you know.
So maybe we want to practice more boundaries.
Everybody has something that they
wanted to prune in their life.
And so tell me, ladies, how's that going?
Karen, is your hand up?
Is it still up from last time, or is it new?
Oh, OK.
Still up from last time.
OK, cool.
I can share.
Go for it.
So I said that I was going to spend more time with God.
And I have been getting up at 5 AM.
I have.
And I've been doing a devotional and worshipping
at least for 30 minutes.
I've been doing that.
Yes!
And I would have to say, it's definitely, honestly,
it's definitely affecting how I, when I go to work.
I'm not as, like, you know, probably
as temperamental to my kindergartner people.
My patience is not as short.
It's because I, you know, because I talk to Jesus first.
So.
Awesome, Shirai.
We're happy for you.
Anybody else?
Same thing.
So I got, good night, everyone.
Sorry.
I got a revelation when we were doing this.
When we were doing the prayer call yesterday,
how intentional it was that every, you know,
there are four different areas that we pray,
or five different areas every morning.
And, you know, the Lord showed me,
He's like, if you want to see change,
you need to pattern your spiritual life from that call
that we make every morning at 10.
So I intentionally got up and I did the hour,
I had my, like, my categories, what I prayed for.
And it was, it was really a blessing.
It helps you with clarity,
it makes you know what to pray about.
So it was, it was really good.
So I'm happy that this group is not only about marriage,
but it helped you.
It's like an all general, you know,
get you in every area of your life.
So I'm really proud of that.
Yeah.
That's awesome, Stephanie.
Awesome.
Diana.
So my son and grandson have been going to the gym
and they're like, well, you can come along.
And I'm like thinking, what on earth can I do?
I've got two messed up shoulders.
And he's like, well, you can do the elliptical.
There's a spot where you can just hang on in the front.
So I tried it a couple of weeks ago.
Oh my gosh.
And we go at five o'clock in the morning.
Within five minutes, it kicked my butt.
Like, it hurts so bad.
I'm so out of shape.
So anyway, I went over to a stationary bike
and I'm able to do that.
So I do that three times a week
and they have the most awesome thing.
It's called a hydro massage bed.
And that I love.
But I'm having surgery on the 21st, so I'm not going to be able to work out anymore.
I'll be completely not able to do anything for six weeks.
And because I'm already talking to you, I have a question.
I went on a first date.
First time I've dated since 2009.
Date was awesome.
Hold up, Diana.
Whoa, whoa.
Hold up.
I want...
Would you keep your hand up?
I'll let you go first as soon as we transition from this part.
Okay.
Does that work for you?
Yes.
Okay.
Great.
Well, soon...
Not soon.
We're going to transition from this part.
I'm going to talk about one thing, and then we're going to open up the floor, and then
you're going to go first.
So don't forget.
All right.
Who else...
Did anyone else want to share about their pruning?
Okay.
Next thing, Diana.
Hold tight.
We want to talk about what we've been seeing in the community a lot of, which is very,
very normal.
And Diana, remind me, we do want to pray for you for your surgery too.
Don't let me forget.
This idea that when I go out with...
When I start talking to a person, I need to feel a spark.
Who knows about the spark?
Oh, I didn't feel anything.
Who's looking for a spark?
Where my spark women at?
Wave a hand.
Okay, Al.
I see a spark woman here.
Spark.
Got me another spark woman.
Any more sparks?
Yeah.
We need some sparks.
We need a spark.
Who would...
Natalie is a spark woman.
Who can share with me what a spark is?
Your definition of a spark.
Just unmute and go for it, or type it in the chat.
For me, I think it'd be kind of like, I guess, butterflies kind of feeling, like, like, wow,
kind of thing.
Yeah.
Like, wow, kind of thing.
All right.
Give me some more.
Natalie, you know I've never seen your face before.
Because I'm usually really, really busy, and I feel bad because I don't want to have people
see me, like, walk around, like, anyway, so I experienced a spark on Saturday night, but
I am using good discernment because I know the difference when it's lust, and I know,
and I miss that surge of adrenaline rush that comes from my stomach to my heart and flushes
my face out like, I've not felt that in a long time, but that doesn't mean that it's
like, long term, and what is really, truly what I'm looking for in love, but I do think
that having that connection in chemistry is good, but there's a difference, and it can
be deceiving.
Yes, yes, Coach Natalie, it can be.
Who else wants to share about that spark?
What's your definition of the spark, ladies?
That's it?
Christy, are you about to say something?
No?
See?
Trouble.
Karen says spark is trouble.
iPhone said that commonality is my spark, all right?
Somebody, Karen R., two Karen R's, but one of them quit looking for the spark.
Yes, let's talk about the spark.
It is not necessary that we ... Allison, is your hand up to say something?
Okay.
We got to stop looking for the spark.
The spark can be very deceitful.
It can make us feel like, oh, this is it, but usually if you will pay attention to your
spark, sometimes the spark is based on how a person looks, their charisma, their appeal.
I will tell you, I have a spark.
The finer a man is, the more my spark is, because it'd be like, oh, and if he smelled
good, golly, he'd be sparking, and so I get a little leery about the spark.
I would encourage you ladies not to look for a spark when you're in your two early stages
of getting to know a person, because a spark can be deceitful, and it can really mess up
your vision, or your sight, or your ability to make sound judgment.
You could believe so much in a spark.
it becomes a law for you and says, if I feel this, it must be something.
Kind of like when you start leaning heavily on, is this the Lord? I think it's the Lord's hand
because I had a prophetic word and that prophetic word said this and that prophetic word said that.
And so you begin leaning into something, whether it's super spiritual or it is a spark represents,
I looked it up, but I'm going to tell you what A.I. said a spark was because we need to look up
this spark. Everybody got a definition of a spark. A spark in a relationship refers to a strong
feeling of romantic or sexual attraction, often described as a feeling of excitement,
connection, and sometimes even infatuation. Now we got spark, usually it can manifest as physical,
butterflies feeling turned on or emotional elation, excitement type of reactions. Essentially
it's the initial intense feeling of being drawn to someone that can ignite a potential relationship.
Can we agree that that's what we experience?
Yeah. And so sometimes when we lean very heavily toward this type of thing,
and we've been cultivated by society to think that this means more than it means. Very similar
when we have a lot of spiritual talk going on in our mind and we think it weighs all on this,
this is the one, this is the one God picked. And I know it is because of this and this sign
lined up and this lined up and that lined up. And then we forget the thing that carries it
and it's called wisdom. We don't serve a God if we're spiritual, if this is a spiritual
concept that we're operating, we don't serve a God who operates outside of wisdom.
Everything he does is wisdom. And so we measure things by wisdom. If you want to know some
measure what you have going on by wisdom, lay it in front of wisdom. Nothing's going to override
wisdom. And what you get in this program is wisdom. You get knowledge.
Ebony, you're frozen.
I love when she does it's a big old smile on her face.
Can she hear us, I wonder?
I think last time this happened, she had to go out and then come back on again.
And like somebody else became the host.
Oh, gotcha.
Hopefully she can see the chat.
I'm really glad we're talking about this topic tonight because that's what I'm struggling with.
It's hard girl, especially when you haven't felt it in a minute.
Oh, it's rough.
And then when you do, you're like, no, I know what that is. And I know why,
but I'm saying the opposite. Like I was going to talk to her about the opposite. We're like,
I'm not feeling that spark, but I know that this is a really good guy. And I had talked to you guys
about it last week and I'm like, trying to, I've already had four dates with him and I'm just like,
I'll give him another chance. And this week's my birthday and he's taking me out and stuff.
And I want to give him a chance, but I'm just like, I'm not feeling it. And I'm going to
go walking with someone right after this that I am. And I'm just like, I know.
Torn, right? Yeah, exactly.
I think, I think, you know, you don't have to feel the spark, but it shouldn't feel forced either.
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I want to be able to kiss them if I want to turn my head,
if they want to kiss me, like, that's a problem, right? Yeah. You have to have attraction,
not necessarily a spark, but you got to be attracted. Yeah, I agree.
Can I ask is the, what do you think is the reason? Is it because maybe the conversation
is boring or is it pure attraction or lack of? Yeah, I think he's just really passive and
he's a great listener, but I don't also want to be like monopolized.
is in the whole conversation or have it always be about me,
you know, and I'll ask him questions too.
And sometimes he'll answer, but he's very quiet.
And I can tell he's very self-conscious
and maybe a bit insecure,
like almost like he's walking on eggshells,
like he doesn't want to blow it with me, you know,
but he's Catholic.
I don't know if you guys remember me telling you that,
like he's Catholic versus spirit-filled Christian like me.
And I'm trying not to think too far down the line,
but because we both are marriage-minded,
I do want to be, you know,
oh, he just texts me right now.
He's like, how's your day?
You know, I do want to be, you know,
considerate of his feelings and mine,
and I don't want to waste our time,
but then it's like, how long do I go on like this
without hurting him and being mindful of his feelings
if I'm like not really sure?
So I'm almost kind of like, well,
unless he brings it up or has that conversation,
like I think it was Aubrey,
then I'm not doing anything wrong by seeing other people
and just exploring my feelings.
I'm not kissing him.
I'm not leading him on.
I'm not, you know what I mean?
So.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for asking me.
I hope you guys don't mind.
You know, Natalie, I've always been interested
in like the spark versus not feeling the spark.
I know that there are people who have love stories
and there wasn't a spark at the beginning,
but a lot of times I'm led by that in dating, so.
Yeah, Natalie, I was just going to say,
Natalie, I was going to say, first of all,
I've been wondering what your face looks like,
so I'm so glad that we're seeing it today.
Yes, you're gorgeous.
Thanks, guys.
I'm just with you.
Go ahead.
But I was also going to say,
just even the way you're talking it through
is so, it's what it is.
Yeah.
You make almost 1,500.
That's what Natalie was talking about.
You know, it's like, really, it was,
and I was just thinking that it was really,
you know, I thought it was really awesome
that you're talking it through so beautifully.
So you're, it's like you're there,
you know what I mean?
It's like you're there.
Thanks, Karen.
Thanks, ladies.
I appreciate you.
Yeah, I usually have my camera off
because I'm doing paperwork
because I'm technically on the clock till five,
and then it's like, kind of like,
I'm in the background,
I don't like to see when people are like busy
and things like that.
But thank you.
It's great to be here and connect with all of you.
And you know, you're my sisters in Christ,
and I just look forward to our calls together
every Tuesday, and we have to learn from one another
and grow from another and support each other
in this process.
It's really hard for me to move on to phase three,
because I'm like, I don't want to lose Ebony either.
I felt like that too when I was in phase one
for Bethany, and I was like, I didn't want to leave.
And then the Lord told me, you need to leave.
Hey, Felicia, I think you're unmuted and don't realize it.
I mean, I'm so sorry.
There we go.
Yeah.
Go ahead, Lolita.
Stephanie, I felt the same way.
I didn't want to lose Bethany,
but then moving on, Ebony's so amazing.
Yeah, Ebony and Carla is so amazing.
They're so different.
Like, Bethany's so good with artwork,
and they're so good with dating
and like to navigate this process.
It's like, you know, when Jackie picked them
and set them in the, you know,
like, you know, because I've been done
with week two for a while.
I just, I was like, I'm afraid of the audience.
Hey, ladies, can y'all hear me, see me?
Oh.
We can hear you.
We can see you.
Can't see me?
No.
Weird.
I'm having connection issues.
I'm so sorry, but I'm connecting on my phone now,
so I should be able to hear you.
Now we can hardly hear you.
Yes.
You're cutting, cutting in and out.
Let's, let's just start praying.
Is it?
Yeah, let's just start praying for the connection.
The Father God, in the name of Jesus Lord,
we just take control of the airways
in the name of Christ Jesus Lord.
We just ask you to let Ebony come back
through clear and sound,
and we can see her and everything.
And we just take, we just go against
whatever the enemy is trying to do
to stop her from coming to us.
And we just, we just, we just pray for her.
We just pray for her to stop her from helping us
and helping us to walk through certain things.
Lord, we just take, take our spiritual authority
and we just cast down any fiery darts
or anything that the enemy is trying to do
through the airways to stop Ebony from being on.
that in Jesus Christ mighty name. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank
And we just thank you for that.
you, Lolita, for taking the lead on that. Welcome.
So can I can I share something funny? Well, it's kind of not
funny or funny. So twice, I listened to the on online
dating course. And, and it was just both times were just before
I went, went to bed went to sleep. And both times, all night
long, I had nightmares of dating apps and dating and, and it was
just reoccurring, reoccurring. And yeah, it was, I'm like, Oh,
Lord, what is wrong with me? That's a funny, not funny,
right? But not really. Yeah, cuz I woke up going, Oh, my gosh.
And it was like, everything that I didn't want in a person. And
it was weird, because at the last, just before I woke up,
this guy in a wheelchair just popped out in front of me. And I
just kind of went, get serious. And this is all in my dream. And
then I wake up. Like, what is going on?
Well, we hope it didn't leave you with any trepidation about
online dating, and that it's not a foothold or a place that
would cause you to because maybe that's where your, your spirit
mate is, you know, and maybe the enemy is trying to make you feel
like don't go look down that path, you know, so we hope that
it doesn't fill you with any fear.
Well, that was one of the you know, it's like, I haven't been
wanting to do online dating. It's like, I'm 73. And I'm like,
it's just, it's just, I have my own thoughts about it. But
anyway. Yesterday, I decided, okay, you know, Lord, I have a
question.
You're 73 years old?
Yes.
You look good.
I agree with that. You look amazing.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. But I just have to
acknowledge that you look good.
Yes, you do. I was thinking the same thing.
Same thing, too. So beautiful.
I feel great. Thank you.
And a beautiful heart for God Juanita. Beautiful heart for
God.
We can hear you really clearly.
One second.
Sorry about that.
With the lead, we can see you now too.
We can say
she's breaking up.
Okay.
The connection clear Jesus make it clear Lord.
Can y'all hear me? Is it clear now?
We can see you. Yeah, that's better.
Okay.
Complex in the work.
It's still breaking up a little.
Okay, what about now?
Well, your voice is good, but you're frozen.
You should pull over.
But
you hear me?
Nope, still breaking up.
Oh, sorry.
You're loud, but it's
low.
So you can hear me, but I'm going in and out.
Yeah, a lot too on mine. You're very loud. But but then right on
the top of your picture, it says that your bandwidth is low. Yeah.
Am I making complete sentences? Like, can you completely understand me or no?
You just hear those.
That's to breaking up.
I hear some sentences.
You may want to turn off your camera.
That does help with.
I wonder if we restart the session.
If it'll help.
It might.
I think she's the only one who can like restart it though.
Yeah, I think so.
Yeah, because she's the host. Yeah.
It looks like Karen is the host. I was going to say when she jumped off, I became the host so I can let everybody back in if you guys want to leave and then come back in. I don't know.
Do you want to try it, but try and leave and come back.
I'll do this. All right. I don't know if that'll help us because we're not having the issue.
Can y'all hear me? Yes. Yes.
Am I complete sentences? Yes. Yes. Oh, great.
Yay. Yay. I'm going to stop on the side of the road right here and everybody comes and we'll tell them to go around me.
At any point of you guys can hear my emergency lights on wherever they are. Any point of you can't hear me. Somebody just get my attention and tell me.
Okay, so, Ebony, I was given the host. I'm going to make you the host again.
Okay, go for it. Okay, there you go.
Thank you all so much for planning and hanging in here. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
So, I'm not going to talk anymore about the spark. We'll catch up about the spark. I want to give you guys an opportunity to ask your questions and we're going to start with the first person who I told them to keep their hand up. Diana.
Okay, and I have to apologize because I think that this is the enemy messing with me and you.
So, on another date, a week ago Sunday, and the date itself went great. He was exactly what he was supposed to look like. Everything matched.
And my singles group at church were so freaked out thinking that he was going to take me off somewhere and harm me. And oh gosh, it was crazy the stuff that they were saying.
My son drove me because I can't drive right now.
The gentleman lives an hour away. So, we met halfway and the minute he hugged me, it was like, well, we're talking fireworks, not just a spark.
And I was like, is this because I have not been on a date since 2009? But no, I'm pretty sure it was the spirit of lust. And when I started to talk about it on one of the prayer calls in the morning, the minute the host tried to talk to me about it, I lost my internet.
I didn't hear a word she said. She explained it, she prayed over me. I was cut off for a good 15 minutes and missed that much of the call. And now I want to talk about it again and you get bumped off.
So anyway, he did say something to me that has really bothered me. I explained to him I was having surgery on the 21st. We talked about it before the date.
Front about everything. He asked me if I was religious. I
said no, I
Don't consider myself religious. I
Have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ
He's my Lord and Savior I go to church I
You know, I I talked to him about some of the miracles that I've experienced in my life
But I do not think of myself as a religious because
Wasn't it to the religious that crucified Jesus? Well anyway
He told me
That he thought that I was making false representation of myself
Representation of myself
Because I'm going to be out of commission for six weeks with a sling I will not be able to
Use my arm at all and
My son as lovingly wonderful as he is does not feel like calling me
40 minutes
one way and
hanging around while I
Meet this guy, so I suggested that he maybe would want to come and see me
And he he said I shouldn't be on a dating site at all if I cannot
Meet halfway and it just it really made me feel awful
So help honey
Oh, yeah, how long have you been talking to this guy?
Wednesday let's say once no today's Tuesday
Tomorrow will be a
Week X. I started talking to him on Wednesday went on the date on the Sunday. So what it'll be two weeks
right and
You've already seen him once right?
Mm-hmm. Okay, and and y'all were talking about seeing each other again
Yeah, except for he doesn't want to drive all this way to see me
And how far is all this way?
It's a little over an hour
Okay, and last time y'all met in the middle
Yeah, and we went a little bit further but Chris my son was okay with that
Okay, and why did that y'all want a little bit further because that's where the Nick like town stuff was it?
Yeah, we're we're outside of Nashville. So we met in Nashville
Got you
Yeah, what do you like about this guy
I'd like what he does believe in God
Does not attend church, but said that you know, he does talk to him in
I'd like his stance on
world events politics
His sense of humor is really great
There's been no
It has not been difficult to talk
Whereas a lot of people it's like pulling teeth. It's like you can't even get past low. Hey
You know
There's full sentences
We've talked on the phone
He loves animals
He's especially funny when he talks to his dog
You know, yeah
It's got a good job
he's a professional drummer in a band and
I've seen his recordings, you know, and then like I said everything matched up
Yes
Yeah
So it sounds like he he seems like a great guy to you like you are impressed with him
Yeah
What does he like about you what is he sure he likes about you
The the fact that he can talk to me about just about anything
Yes, he did
He did get a little freaked out one night. We were talking about
Different
evangelists and pastors and stuff that are on TV and
and then he
Mentioned that he thought there was one that he thought was demonic and I'm like
You know, what makes you think that and he said, Oh, he speaks in those tongues.
And I went, Oh, really?
I said, Okay, look, there are demonic tongues.
Yes, that that is true.
But there's also the gift of tongues that comes from God.
He goes, What?
Really?
I said, Yeah.
And he said, And you know this?
Why?
I said, Because I have that gift.
And it is a gift.
And then he, you could just tell he didn't believe me.
So he's like, Well, what do you say?
And I said, Well, it's a conversation between the Holy Spirit and God.
On my behalf.
It's not anything I understand.
That's another gift.
Interpretation of tongues is not one of the gifts that I happen to have.
Anyway, he freaked for a few minutes.
And I said, Is this going to be a problem?
Because this is who I am.
And that was another thing I liked about him.
He's very honest upfront, told me if there were no sparks that we would just be friends
and that would be it.
But we both agreed there was more than sparks.
Well, anyway, um, yeah.
So I made no apologies for the fact that I love God.
He is everything to me.
I let him know right up front that I'm not going to stop going to church.
I'm not going to stop having my every morning phone calls and my Sunday night calls my Tuesday
night calls and God is always going to be a part of my life.
It's like, how do you like now?
Yeah.
And so what do you think about and there's a reason like I generally you guys have been
on call for I've not taken this much time to explore but I think it's really important
sometimes that we identify why we like a person if they also like us and will have they shown
us the reason why they like us so that we can also be clear about when we make decisions
and not live in regret.
So in order to do those, you have to identify all the moving parts.
So you won't feel like you're missing out on something when you have to set a boundary.
You're very aware of how they're making you feel while they're making why they make you
feel that way, right?
It's a big deal that you know that because you're going to feel like you're losing and
you can't even identify why you feel like you're losing something.
And so now I want to ask you.
So how are you processing what he said to you that you were a fraud that you should
have never showed up that way and that he is no longer interested in getting to know
you because you can't meet him halfway in light of all the things you said he was or
you think he is and then that's what he said to you in return.
What do you make of that, Diane?
I think he's more up in the world than I am, could be that unequally yoked.
He also does not understand that there will be no sex unless we're married.
He's like, well, that's unrealistic.
I said, maybe for you.
Yeah.
So as you can see, Diana, as we're processing ladies, and I hope that you're processing
along with us and it's just, you know, we're taking our time processing it, but you know,
there were a lot of wonderful things you said about him, but I noticed that you were defending
your belief and I'm not going to leave this alone.
I'm not going to leave this alone.
And how do you like me now?
Um, but when it, but also in the same brief you're saying to me, you know, I like he's
not in church, but he like God, I speak in tongues.
He thinks that's demonic.
He didn't understand that we're not going to have sex before marriage.
And so I want you to see how these worlds are colliding.
Yeah.
Like a brick wall.
And there's a collision happening here and it's happening very early on.
And I think it's to your benefit because when a person says to you that you deceived me
and you're having surgery, so now I can't see you.
So that's the case.
If he feels that that's an issue.
then that tells you that he's not willing to go through that process and they should speak
something to you like oh okay you have that choice and i understand and it was a pleasure
getting to know you that's exactly what i said yeah yeah i told them i said you are free to date
other people you know this is there's nothing that said who is why we're really really like you
and i'm like well what's not to like right
two irons to be um be um and i mean you did really well i think you stay true to who you are
you've expressed yourself very clearly and when we stay true to who we are we express who we are
we have to also do the due diligence recognize when that person is not aligned with who we are
it's a yes until it's a no and when a person says hey
i do six before marriage
that's like a that's an inner heart thing that's a that's an inner thing that's not a
well i'm not going to do it with you
you're talking to him somebody's gonna cave in and if that's your stand that's a deal breaker
that's a strong deal that's a non-negotiable and so when it comes down to stuff like that
but even furthermore you're just on the first week so that means we were talking too much
that we started talking about things that were not talkable for the first week
and that can happen one way is that we like them so much we spend so much time talking
then we start talking about deeper things and that's the that's the kind of the dangerous spot
of talking too much too soon too quickly you run out of other stuff to talk about
and so what we want to do is pace how much we talk even though we really like each other
we're super excited and it's so easy to do everybody's done it i've done it i don't know
there's a woman on the call who has not done it that's just a part of it having to pace yourself
and he's really good practice for you diana because you stand firm on what you believe in
and so when you have that part down pack you could practice you get more practice in it so
you can say oh i see what i did this time i will not practice that next time and so we want to
stick with the boundaries that we talked about in the um the video we don't want to talk about
too much of emotional things too much private stuff too much spiritual stuff and too um we don't
want to talk about sex definitely um but spiritual emotional boundaries we want to hit them really
really hard and then if a comment is made you just always say oh that's an idea lord that's
not something i'm comfortable talking about it's just going to get to know you as a person
and then we want to and i'm just throwing out all these ideas like you want to go on google
you want to google questions to talk about on the first date
icebreaker questions this is not a lame thing this is a real thing because i do it a lot
i have always been my go-to
now i want to hit this wire anyway i know we got other ones that we're not going to cut it
out at the original time ladies but it's really important when you first get out in dating
some people think well i'm just a deep deep thinker i'm just a deep type of person and i
want us to commit this uh to our memories even as a law if you must we don't spill our pearl before
swine you have community to give your wisdom to but i would encourage every person just as
the scripture encourages us not to spill our pearl before swine don't pour out your goods before the
before a person that you don't know who have the ability to steward well what you're sharing with
them you don't even know if they carry a value for what you have and so you don't just spill it
out not with the man not with a woman on your job not with somebody on the street anywhere because
the bible warns us against spilling our pearls before swine means he says when you do it they
will trample over it and so that's how you apply wisdom to this idea that just i'm just deep like
that no that's not wisdom that's what you're operating you're not operating in wisdom because
no matter how deep you are you have to take deep and put a wall around it called wisdom
we build healthy connections by pacing ourselves i don't care who the person is
healthy connections are built in pacing i know everybody has met somebody
at it that you thought was like, wow, I thought I knew him a little better than that.
She came out so different.
I didn't know she was like that.
It's the same thing.
Relationships are relationships.
And relationships are built best on best practices.
And so we want to stay away from the deep very early on.
Sounds good, but you did a really good job, Diane, and I just, I'm so glad you shared
first, and I'm so glad we were able to break that down.
That was really, really, really, really good.
It was really, really good.
Thank you.
Yeah.
And so have you blocked and blessed them?
Yeah.
So do you feel that I should, for the next six weeks after the surgery, just not even
try to date, or?
Give me one second.
Okay.
What he said to you is not true.
You're not being deceitful.
Let's just take care of that lie.
That's not true.
Okay.
However, you're not going to be able to, you can video call somebody.
So if you're having surgery and you still want to spray, you can let them know, like,
hey, we could do a video call.
So you can do that.
That's an option.
But you do realize that that's going to prolong you, you actually meeting that person in person,
because you won't be able to drive for the next six weeks, is that right?
And so, but you can video message.
It's nothing wrong with that, if a person is in agreement with it.
So, you're on mute because I have to mute everybody.
But, yeah, that wasn't right, the way he treated you.
How about I'm just going to put that out there.
That wasn't right.
You weren't being deceitful.
And another thing, you guys, I just want to add this, and we're going to move on.
If you hug somebody and you realize that when you hug them, that there was a spirit of lust,
it won't be long before you caught up in their spirit of lust,
because lust has a way of drawing you in, and it feels so good.
And if you have been touched or had skin contact with a man in a very long time, it feels good.
So I don't know how you're going to guard yourself against a fire that you were aware of,
because you are sure to be burned.
And when you recognize that this man was operating in the spirit of lust,
there may have been an indication to you that you may not want to invite him to your home.
Let's say that.
Okay.
And so he's like, hey, you can come over here and see me.
Maybe not so wise.
Even if you decide to keep talking to him when you hooked him and he had lust on him,
you don't want to get caught up in tight spaces.
Okay.
If you decide to proceed.
All right.
I don't know who was next.
Just unmute and go for it, because I got a little disjointed.
Okay.
Can I ask a quick question, Ebony?
This is Allison.
First of all, thank you so much.
Last week you talked about I was telling you a lot of the men that I get have fish in their hands and all that.
And you said you don't know if he's fishing because he hadn't met you.
That unlocks something in me.
Seriously.
So I said this week I'm talking to every man that will talk to me.
But one man, this is my question, and I wonder if other women have had it.
One man found me.
I wasn't matched with him, and he's a farmer.
And he proceeded, seems like a good guy.
He proceeded to tell me when his wife died and, you know, was very honest.
And he said, you seem like from your profile you're very honest, and I am.
But the deal is the one career I've told the Lord my entire life is I don't want to be a farmer.
And I truly don't want to be a farmer.
But I said, hang with it.
This could be like a fishing story.
But then he proceeded to say, because he's volunteering, I'm not asking him.
But he said, you know, I go to a country church of about 80.
My church is about 1,500, and it's very honest.
diverse and I but I still rode with it and I said this is not a good match and he's I can tell he's
a good guy and then he said I said he said what do you love to do and I said travel that's what
I want to do and he said yeah I like to go you know to towns over but then I like to come home
to my farm so after all of that because I don't want to lead a man on when you know if there's
unless there is a burning bush in my front yard and the lord said he's the man he is not my man
so I blessed him I said a blessing over him because he's a godly guy and I said but you
know what I don't think we have a future and I moved on was that okay
did he live close to you huh did he live close to you oh probably yeah he was talking about
going to a church that's probably 20 minutes from my home but but no he doesn't he's probably an
hour away but he said yeah come into town and go to this church sometimes but his church isn't
he said a country church of 80 people and I go to a church of about 1500 and I love it
right so yeah trying to be open-minded you did good bites but okay you did good I would have
liked you to get a date out of it but you did good like you know why are you gonna date someone you
know because you're dating for discovery you are not dating for a spouse and I know you probably
feel like that you don't have time for that you handle it well I'm very proud of you for stepping
out I like your idea about my talk to whoever will talk to me but when you ask me about my
own little thing on the inside I'm like Allison get a cup of coffee out of it I just want you
to have the date I don't believe I'm gonna be honest with you I don't agree with the idea that
I could lead a person on it from being up front and so my conversation will be like you seem like
a great guy I don't think we'll be a match for the future but if you ever want to grab a cup of
coffee I'm down for it something like that but I don't believe that you're going to take advantage
of somebody emotionally emotionally because when we are clear we are kind but if you have to say
you did good I like that you're talking about I liked it when you kept hanging on
and they're like let me just see let me just see now our science pointed that y'all wasn't
gonna land it real well but I want you on a date and you're gonna date you're gonna date
people that are not gonna be your spouse it can't be one be your spouse one of them right
and I want you in the day when he says you know my favorite places with my animals in the barn
but hear me safe date safe date
safe meaning to date safe meaning to date they can hold a conversation to date
to date to date did you hear me I did so I can't go to the third part until I have a date
I hear you that's not true you can go to the part where you have a date with my elephant
but when you identify a man that y'all may not match I really want you to let this sink in
I'm telling you when you get to the other side of the program you're gonna say I see what they
were talking about it took me a while to come through the ringer to get there but it really
does work and I had to learn how to pick me I got like you I'm like look whoever talked to me I'm
talking to and if they got some sense I'm gonna go on a date with them and that's how my dating
life start picking up okay um I'm very much trapped in the mindset what's my time for I
already know when you're gonna work everything in Jacob will be like look you need to go on a date
well and I'm not thinking that I don't want to lead someone on honestly that's not thought
you won't you won't okay you need to just stay clear and remember that clarity is kindness
and that don't be under the assumption that another adult can't make decision for themselves
okay we okay that's you're welcome
um okay I actually have two questions ebony um one is
Thank you, I have started going online.
I have a few guys who I am kind of sort of chatting with.
What's really curious is the one that is,
came out and said, I'm a Christian.
He like gave me a lot of information.
He really did.
It was like a book along with his Facebook profile
and everything else like that.
It was a lot, but he seemed,
then said he would like to maybe meet
or text or call.
And so I am listening and saying, okay, we wanna meet.
But then he backed off of that
and then went back into, okay, let's call,
which I was fine.
But I then kind of said, well, yes, we can call
or maybe an online, maybe a face chat,
you know, maybe.
And he is like not wanting to do any chatting
like face to face.
And so that was just kind of like a moment
because once again, he gave so much information
and he seems pretty solid,
but I just kind of wanted to hear your feedback for that.
And then, you know, I've got another question too.
Have you been talking to him?
Yeah, we just started chatting.
I mean, literally I just filled out everything online
a couple of, a day or so ago.
So he popped up about a day or so ago.
So yeah.
Okay.
So you started talking to him yesterday
or the day before yesterday?
Yesterday.
Yes.
And how much have y'all talked in that time?
I mean, have y'all voice call or in chat?
No, we haven't done anything yet.
And one of the things that happened was actually that he,
that because of today, we would have called today,
but it was running so late after I got my daughter situated
and I wanted to make sure that I was on the call tonight.
So I just did not.
I said, hey, let's talk tomorrow.
So.
So he shared a lot of information with you
via text or the app?
Yes, on the app.
On the app.
Okay.
And you suggested to him on the app
that y'all do meetup or FaceTime, video call?
Yeah, he suggested it first.
He like, at the very end, he was like,
hey, we'd like to meet up, call, text, you know, whatever.
He like threw everything out there.
He responded back and said.
Yes.
And then when did he turn back and say no?
After I said, hey, yeah, let's grab some coffee.
And then he said.
He said, I would feel better talking or something first.
So he wanted to talk.
He backed it up to say he wanted to talk on the phone first.
You said, okay.
I said, okay.
What's your number?
Did you ask?
Yes.
Did y'all exchange numbers?
Yes.
And I gave him my Google number.
Okay.
And then y'all scheduled to talk?
We're scheduled to talk tomorrow sometime.
But that hasn't happened yet?
Hasn't happened yet.
But he hasn't backed out of it?
Did I freeze y'all?
No?
You did.
Karen did.
Okay.
Who's going to be traumatized
from all this freezing tonight?
Okay.
Karen.
Okay, I'm here, I'm here.
You're back.
Okay.
So she hasn't backed out of the call tomorrow, right?
Right.
He has not.
You do, I need to go to date to phase two,
go to phase three.
You don't have to go on a date to go to phase three,
but we do want you to date in phase two.
Karen, okay, what was the question?
That he doesn't, that he, that he doesn't,
that he, even though he said those things,
he declined the FaceTime and the in-person
and he backed up to say, let's just talk first?
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's take the phone call tomorrow.
Maybe he got nervous.
I don't know.
Take the phone call tomorrow.
When you take the phone call tomorrow,
you let him know that you're interested in in-person dates.
And so you do like to see the person that you're talking to.
And so it's gonna be important to you
that you guys go ahead and schedule a video chat,
let him know your availability
and what he would like to do that.
And there we go.
If he says, well, can we talk a little bit more
and say, well, yeah, you know, if you want to,
you can say, yeah, and say, no, you know what?
I think, you know, I'm not interested.
Let's just, let's just go our separate ways.
Because like I said, it matters to me
that I see, I know how a person looks
when I'm talking to them.
And that's all.
You're welcome.
What's the second question?
Okay, the second question I actually asked you, actually, before everybody came on, so
there is a gentleman who is in this community, and when he spoke on one of the calls, he
sounded familiar.
So, I did my little, you know, we women, you know, we women do, so I looked him up and
found out that I not only lived in his state, but we have two friends in common.
And so, I wanted to know what that looked like and how I should proceed, if I should
proceed, should I wait for, you know, we like to, girls, you know, we like God to reveal
us to the guys, right, if that's any, so I wanted to kind of know how best to proceed.
And so, the reason why, yeah, we wanted to share the question with everyone because it's
a very interesting concept, or idea, or thought, or school of thought, that should I wait
on the Lord to reveal me to this man, or should I drop the hanky?
If you guys are not familiar with drop the hanky, it just simply means should I say something
to the man first?
And so, because we're in phase two, and this is dating for discovery, whether we're dating
for discovery or not, whether it was phase two or phase three, the idea that let me wait
on God to reveal me to a person may not be your best school of thought.
If you see someone that you're interested in, it's best that you go ahead and say something
to them.
Why do I say it's best practices?
Because I know us women, and we spend our time fantasizing over that man, figuring out
who he's talking to on his social media, oh, does he have kids, oh, this, oh, he has
this job, oh, he probably could work out that way, oh, he knows this person, I want to know
that person, so you're doing all this research, and what you're doing is you're living in
a made-up world.
You don't know him, and you don't know if he's interested in you, you don't really know
anything about him, you're waiting on the Lord to reveal you to this man, but you don't
know nothing about this man, and you may know where he goes to church, and you may know
who he knows, but you don't even know the fruit of his life, right, and so you're wasting
a lot of time living in a fantasy world, putting yourself in a world that you don't need to
be in.
It's going to cost you in the back end, you're not going to even know, but it's because you've
invested so much emotional time and capacity and space to a person that you may not even
like.
You may not even, you may find that you don't even really like him, and so the answer is
she's dropped the hanky, she reaches out to him on messenger, and she says, hey, I noticed
that both of us are in Jackie's program.
Send a free request with the message to say, hey, I noticed that both of us are in Jackie's
program, and we have two friends in our circle alike, let's get to know each other.
He can say that.
The only thing he can do is decline her friendship, and that's good too, because if she doesn't,
y'all know us, what are we going to be thinking about?
Oh, I wonder if it was work out, and he and Jackie's program, and he did the hard work,
and we're on the same page, and we get the same teachings, this is a match made in heaven,
right?
So, we have to save ourselves that emotional stress and anguish, and see what the business
is.
Or he just becomes a good friend.
Or he just becomes good friends, but we are in the dating season, and we're not looking
for no friends, we're looking for husbands, all right?
I love you, Ebony, you're so awesome, yes.
We don't need to look like we're unavailable, and sometimes when you make a lot of male
friends, and you're talking to them about everything, you don't look available when
you go out, because you're storing your emotions in somebody else, you got somebody to talk
to.
You got somebody to spend time with, except for that person, y'all ain't going nowhere.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Or, yes, you can send him to another friend if you decided it didn't work out with y'all.
Yeah.
True.
Will do.
All right.
Let's go for it.
Anybody who's on mute is free to go.
All right.
I'll go.
Go for it.
Okay.
So, I'm on the app, and I've been on it for a few weeks now, and oh my goodness, it's
like I said, it's oodles and oodles of men everywhere, but it's how I did.
try to determine like where this is gonna go. So anyway, I video chat with one guy and
he showed me everything around his house and everything like that. And he seemed like he's
a spiritual man because he, you know, he talks different things about the Lord and stuff like
that. But I don't really try to go there because you say, you know, don't really do all of that.
I mean, I don't pray with him and all of that. So I'm like kind of guarded or protected or
whatever you want to call it. But I'm also like, I don't know, like I have ambitions
and I'm about 60. I'm not 60, but I'm pretty close to 60 and he's about 60. If you know what
I'm talking about, I still ice skate, roller skate. I still have fun. This man gets up. Oh,
what am I make for breakfast? Oh, he might go and take a walk. He do minister, I guess a little bit
of people. Then he's talking about, he comes back home and he just, I don't know, chill.
I don't know if he said he retired from blowing leaves. Like I don't see the,
I just, I can't do it. Like, you know, I'm not saying I'm a gold digger. I really am not.
Right. You know, I take care of myself, but I can't mess with somebody who don't have that.
If you kind of understand what I'm saying. However, I am going out on a date with him,
but I had to initiate it like to play racquetball at the Y, you know, something. I don't know.
I want a man who wants something out of life, not somebody who just,
you show me his little apartment. He like, he doesn't even have a, he has a studio, I guess.
And that's probably all he needs, but he just got divorced like in August. So I'm sure he's,
you know, dealing with hard work. But the one thing that he did say that threw me off, he said,
people wonder why I still am interested in getting married. And he said, Judas turned on
Jesus. He didn't turn on the other 11. And I'm like, what kind of man would use this?
But you're saying you're a Christian man. Like, I, I don't know. I don't know.
He's handsome though. That's it.
Look, well, you've identified that you don't desire him, which is a good thing to identify
ladies. Like it's good to identify like, Hey, I know we can go no further. So I don't really know
why. So when I go out on a date with you, I don't let how good you look confuse me. How good you
smell confused me. Cause I know you in a studio apartment, you just got divorced and you don't
like to do nothing. You were tired from blowing leaves. You had a boring life. I like a fun ride.
So that means, you know, you know, right. And you know, I'm going for the date and I'm gonna
have a good time. I'm not going to judge this man for who he is, because that's who he is.
And he has the right to be that person. Just like I have the right to be who I am.
And I like to have fun and I like to do this and I like to do that. And it's wonderful.
And he likes to sit at home and it's wonderful.
But what we do have in common is we both want a date and he seems like a safe person to go on a
date. So you're going to go on a date and you're going to bring all of you. He gets to bring all
of him. And that's fun. And you get to be for that moment, that breath of air, that breath of
laughter, that joy that you care. Cause I see it all through the camera. You know, it's all there.
Take them song, drop it out. He won't let me, he can pick it up. Right. Then you don't. Yeah.
It's okay. Just have fun and go out on a date and you already know he's not the one. And that makes
it, that makes it even, it gives you the opportunity to take even more risk because
you're not operating in a scarcity of mindset. You ain't trying to hold on or hope for something.
You already know who the man is. He told you who he is and you accept him for who he is. And you
realize that this is not dating for your husband anyway. I know it's hard for us at a certain age
and time. And one time my sister told me, well, you know,
I know that was my bad I said about something as we age as women but um I'm so sorry I don't
yeah you were breaking up a little bit I don't even know how to
sorry my um here we go I should be back I'm back uh anyway so go have fun um there's no
shortage of men out there even though it may seem like it when we start aging it really isn't
have fun he'll enjoy you okay all right thank you you're welcome go for it whoever
look go just jump in there got Christina Christiana Chris whoever's talking I'm sorry
that's okay you're right it was Christiana
I it's my first time sharing something and I um I love hearing everybody's stories and how you're
responding to it and helping us you know process different things so
I started talking with this guy about two months ago at this point and you know at
at the time you know we're talking to other people too and just you know really like the
conversation um we would talk on the phone and the reason um it's been so long is that
he was traveling and then I was traveling so we were only both back in the same place
about two weeks ago so we had our first in-person date but I feel like we know each other pretty
well because I mean it's a long time but the you know the we do live near much closer to each
other and just it just kind of happened that way but I feel like on the one hand it's good pacing
and it forced me to be patient because we could only you know talk on the phone and and stuff
so like it wasn't like I could you know we could see each other all the time or go you know too
fast with anything but I feel like since I met him in person it was like my thought was okay either
he's going to be just as great as he is on the phone and I'm going to be blown away or I'm going
to realize we were totally different people and it's you know like it's just like okay that was it
but we had to know um and you know he was even better in person than I thought so like it was
it's really great like he's just so he's great like he's just a wonderful man I enjoy being
around him and I feel like I'm aware of the feedback you're giving of you know pacing yourself
and not sharing too much and all that but it's like I want to spend time with him talk with him
be around him more and and we're both busy so like you know it's been two weeks since then I'm
going to see him again this week but like it's the first time we can get together and then I'm going
to be away for work again and he has stuff like it's it feels like it's it's spaced out and it's
probably for my benefit but I'm I'm just I guess I want would love to hear your feedback on okay is
that like normal or am I like just too excited about it need to like kind of pace myself a
little bit more with how I'm feeling is it oh I can't see your face is this Christina the missionary
or no no I'm not a missionary I um usually there's not somebody else with my name so that doesn't
happen very often she's out of christine or christine christina but she travels a lot too
so uh this is her situation with guys that she date like I'm out of town then I got to see him
then I was out of town again so just to let you know so you were dating him how long have you
been in phase two um I think about three weeks but so you were dating him when you were in Harvard
yeah I did I did do it early and and I thought about it and I really thought about not doing it
but I had been in such a long dating hiatus on purpose to like work on myself I thought
I feel like I need to just try something because I'm making excuses about not dating
and so yeah that's I did I did okay so
what happens with long distance dating is that
you end up talking a lot more yeah um and you talk so the basis of your relationship is talking
and video chatting um um the the person that I'm dating is three hours away and so it you
you see each other less which is it really helps with pacing but you
end up talking more and then it's just kind of nature of long-distance dating.
What was your question to me, Christiana?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, go for it. Ask me your question again.
So trying to, you know, be aware of not oversharing and having like an appropriate
level of pacing and boundaries, knowing that, you know, we have been talking a lot
and I feel like I do want to open up and share more things with him.
But it's like I've only met him in person once and, you know, it was wonderful and he's,
you know, exactly the same person he seems to be.
But obviously, I'm still getting to know him.
It's like what's the appropriate level of like, you know, letting myself continue but not too much.
Exactly.
My thought process was in the right place.
So yes, so that's just kind of, that's kind of the bullet of long-distance talk,
long-distance dating.
You talk more.
Y'all have been getting to know each other for two months.
And so you're at an appropriate time to go deeper.
You're two months in.
Even though you haven't seen him, I don't know how you can make more.
Y'all are FaceTiming, right?
Usually, we talk on the phone, not FaceTime, but we can FaceTime.
But I mean, I'd rather see him in person.
So I encourage you to do more FaceTiming.
And the reason why I'm telling you to do this is because you can't see him in person.
But body language helps with communication.
Okay.
So do you talk more than you text or text more than you talk?
I would say, frequency-wise, we text like a little bit back and forth every day.
Like, hey, I hope you have a good day.
Like, just, you know, not super deep things or like making a plan or like just catching
up on something.
But if we're actually having a conversation, it will be over the phone.
Okay.
And how often do y'all talk to each other?
I haven't talked to him in a couple of days because he's been sick.
But, you know, usually, I've talked to him in a couple of days.
I haven't talked to him in a couple of days because he's been sick.
But, you know, usually every couple of days.
Okay.
So y'all been talking every couple of days for the last two months consistently?
Yeah, I'd say some gaps in between, but pretty consistently.
Yeah.
And usually, like, you know, a good conversation, not like five minutes or 10 minutes.
You're still talking to him because you guys have, you've, okay.
Let me back up on this if I see you.
So, coaching.
So, he's mature, masculine, and marriage-minded.
That's something you've discovered about him?
I believe so.
I believe he is.
Everything I've seen of him, how he talks about different things, how he speaks to me,
how he treats me, very much so.
Is he showing genuine interest in pursuing you in that way?
I think so.
I mean, like, he come, like, for first date, like, he came to see me.
We didn't meet halfway.
Like, you know, he came, same with this week.
He's like, I'll come to you.
Like, you know, just going out of his way to be thoughtful.
So, it very much seems like it.
And coming to you means what?
Like an hour and a half.
Okay.
Like an hour and a half.
Okay.
And, yeah.
So, what are the different things that you want to talk about?
That you haven't covered?
Like, what deepness are you referring to?
I think just sharing more things about, you know, things that are important to me,
you know, in relationships.
Just going a little bit deeper in it.
I think, so, I work in our family business.
And it's like a really important part of my life.
But I'm also super careful, you know, not to share that with most people.
Like, and not in dating.
That's just something I like, well, like, kind of gloss over in this.
I don't talk about that.
But I feel like, oh, I want to tell them about these things that, like,
I'm super passionate about it.
So, like, it's something I want to share.
And there's, you know, there's so much of my life is around, you know, awesome,
like, challenges we're solving or things that I'm, you know, learning or figuring out,
you know, different, you know, ideas I learned about something.
Or like, I do a seminar on, you know, on new marketing lead generation.
I'm like, oh, this is so cool.
I'm like, there's all these different things that, like,
I wouldn't bring someone into that world if I didn't trust them, right?
Because it's not just my world.
It's my family's world.
Okay.
Well, how about we save that for after you define the relationship?
Okay.
I think that that's something, if you're bringing somebody into your family's world also,
maybe that is for exclusivity.
Because you don't have to talk about that.
You might want to share that.
But you can share that with a friend.
Yes, that's true.
Doesn't make sense because you wouldn't be uncovering you,
you're also sharing your family business.
Yeah.
But if there's something that you want to talk about is just solely about you,
you guys have been talking for a while and so you feel safe to do that.
I think that that's a good thing.
You could go further than that because you're at two months,
a little bit better than two months and so it's long distance.
So yeah, I'll talk a lot more.
I will say you'll start going to more deeper things.
But if it includes you and your family in the business,
you can save that until exclusivity.
Okay. I guess that brings me to then another question.
I know that we have the phases and they're defined and everything.
So I guess this is like, I don't know,
a 2A to 2B-ish area.
I know that I believe I'm not supposed to do anything to initiate
any type of conversation in that way from what I remember.
But what is a reasonable time frame for me to think,
okay, there's plenty of time for that versus it
seems like I should be aware that there's something that he's not bringing up yet.
Three months.
Okay.
At three months, he should be defining the relationship.
Okay. Thank you.
You're welcome.
All right. Looks like Kristiana was the last hand up, lady.
I thank you for your patience on tonight.
I enjoyed you as always.
We'll pick back up with them.
Ebony, I don't know if we're out of time,
but I do see one more person with their hand up though.
Okay. Whoever you are, go for it.
Oh, it's Janice.
Go Janice.
Okay. I have a question.
If you're dating in community and you like someone,
but they just want to be friends with you,
and then their friend likes you,
but you still have feelings for the other one,
how do you maintain integrity within a group of people and still respect the others?
Yeah. No, I hear you.
Totally makes sense.
The person that you like doesn't like you,
so you never really have feelings for them, you just like them.
Right. But I still have feelings for them.
You just have feelings of likeness.
What's that?
Of likeness, because you don't know anything.
They never invest in anything emotionally in you, right?
Well, we've been friends for like a year,
and we're around each other a lot,
so I still have some feelings for him,
and then his friend is paying attention to me a lot,
and I'm like, I don't know what to do with this.
It's kind of uncomfortable,
so I don't know what's the right protocol.
I don't want to disrespect anyone,
and I also want to maintain my integrity.
I don't want to be known as someone who dates around all his friends,
but what does someone do like that?
When you're in this church community,
and there's a lot of single people,
and you like someone, they don't really like you that way,
and then someone else likes you,
but you don't really like them that way,
and then you find one of their friends attractive.
You don't like his friend that likes you?
I don't know.
I don't know, but I don't feel attracted to him.
I don't know him really well, so yeah.
Okay, gotcha. These are my thoughts about this.
Okay.
If you like one guy who does not like you,
you were his friend for a year,
but he's never shown interest in you.
You all did not develop anything because he does not like you,
so maybe for that year,
you fantasized about him or what y'all could have together.
So I'm just putting track with me.
If I got something wrong, tell me.
So what you're saying is what's happening is what you feel in your heart is
the residue or the remnants of how you felt about this young man that's your friend,
but y'all never actually engaged in that way,
but your heart is still grieving not having a few.
with him right right and then his friend comes along and he's showing interest in
you but you feel like it will be some type of betrayal not actually to the
man but actually to yourself because his friend never never initiated anything
with you but you feel torn within yourself so you wouldn't be betraying
the man he couldn't feel betrayed by you because he never initiated anything with
you you initiated something with him within yourself okay and so now you're
dealing with the self thing okay so I don't want somebody to think this about
me I don't want somebody to think this about me there's nobody to think that
about you because only you had the feeling okay not the guy okay are you
tracking with me yes yes okay so that's one thing it's like put a period right
there that's the end of this sentence okay two separate situations his friend
likes you you think it's possible that he does if you like him you want to get
to know him you have the right to do that okay okay if you don't like him and
you don't want to get to know him you have the right to do that also okay you
are a single woman you will be single till you're married and you are blessed
to be in a church with a lot of other single people it's only gonna take one
because that's all it is all of them came to one and what happens is in life
we get to know people to see if we are good fit okay when we find out that
we're not the best fit we go we move along mm-hmm okay but if you're not
interested in you don't feel pressured to reciprocate anything back to him okay
that's not your responsibility to do that okay okay okay all right yeah yeah
I just don't want to be seen as someone who oh it's interested in this one and
that one and this all in one group
you're a single woman and these are single men and that's what people do
they date with the community it's the same place today and you're at a church
and if you will start in relationship with all these people you know you're
not even been in relationship with any of them the first guy did say he didn't
want anything so technically this the idea that it seems like you hop around
unless you tell everybody at the church who you like and they know that you had
a thing for this guy I mean that's all I can see you having some thought along
those lines but I just I want to encourage you that that's not who you
are mm-hmm when it's valid in you that that's not who you are it really doesn't
matter and it's not who you are mm-hmm right you're not some loose woman you're
a woman of dignity honor and respect yes so if you want to get to know the other
guy get to know him if he's showing interest in you if he's not showing
interest in you leave it alone okay and if he wants to get to know you you'll
get to know you mm-hmm okay okay all right okay
go to one another single man in the church okay thank you so much you can
see I'm gonna thank you for let Janice I did not see your hand because of this
phone screen ladies I enjoyed you you guys are simply amazing thank you guys
for praying I'm so glad I'm so good thank you and sticking with each of you
tonight and listen oh let's not forget all our newcomers they don't know about
activation and it'll be making a newcomer I can't see everybody on the
screen but listen go jump in your bed when you go to bed tonight and I want
you to roll to you get to the other side but don't fall out I want you to
remember and not many days from now you gonna roll over and bump into your
husband because he is sure to come God writes the best little stories
So I want you to take this time tonight and do a prophetic activation, roll over and remind
yourself on your bed that my husband is on the way, there's a space in his bed that is
waiting and your bed that is waiting for him.
You got it, Nikki?
Thank you.
This was a really great night.
I appreciated everything that all the ladies shared and all your wisdom that you gave tonight.
You're welcome.
That's so awesome.
Ladies, don't forget, it's so good to see all of y'all.
Kimberly, Beverly, everybody I get to see all the time.
And Beverly, I see that you said that you got a little dating app.
Yes, yes.
All right, ladies, have a good night.
Thank you for driving to wherever you could get reception.
Yeah, how far are you from home?
How far are you, Ebony?
I came out of the neighborhood because I don't think my internet service is that good.
But I'm not far.
No, I was just like, I was hoping y'all would hold on because I enjoy this time so much
It's such an important time in your journey.
Thank you, ladies.
We pray you get home safely, in Jesus' name.
Yeah, I receive it all.
Diana, we just bless you as you go into surgery.
We thank God that he's going to steal the hands of your surgeon and that all is well for you.
We pray for a strong, good recovery.
Don't you rush the process.
But you let the Lord take his good time in healing every part of your body.
We declare nobility and adventure back to every part of your body.
And you're going to have yourself so much fun.
And we thank God for having a really spicy, hot, non-lethal date waiting for you when it's all said and done.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Amen.
Thank you, Ebony.
You're welcome.
God bless y'all.
God bless you, ladies.
Thank you so much, everyone.
Good night.