WEBVTT

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I'm going to share my screen.

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All right, friends.

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We're having some issues.

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I'm going to mute everyone that our links.

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I'm going to mute everyone that's on the phone.

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Jackie, it keeps muting you while you're trying to talk.

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Okay, I'm just going to go live from my phone until they get it figured out.

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Okay, guys.

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I have an echo, so apparently it's getting figured out over there.

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Now, like I was saying before, if you're the kind of person that saves links and that is

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your go-to to get to these sessions, things are about to get hard for you because you're

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going to need to go to your event calendar in our last year single app, whatever group

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you're in, if you're in phase two, if you're in phase three, if you're in the men's group,

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you're going to need to go there and you are going to get your link from the calendar.

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You have to scroll down to whatever date it is.

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I would love it if we could just hit that button that says today and we could see what

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the links are for today, but it doesn't work.

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At least it didn't work for me.

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And so it's important that you scroll all the way down to whatever today's date is.

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And then you click on the link for tonight, right?

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Your calendar, you guys all get a calendar that shows you what's coming up.

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And so then go to that event tab in your app group and scroll down to the link for that

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night's session.

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These links are going to change, you guys.

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They're going to change randomly.

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You're never going to know when they change.

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We have a lot of different people that are just attached to our programs now that are

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one and done with us or they're in a different program.

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We can't have static links.

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The links have to change.

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And so because of that, it's important that you go and get the link for that session.

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Okay?

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All right.

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So we're going to get started here in a second.

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Hopefully I'll be able to use my computer and you'll be able to see my face tonight.

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But we're here to do some love seeding.

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If this is your very first time at Love Seeds, I'd love to see your hand raised.

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Go ahead and raise your hand if you have never been to a Love Seed before.

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This is your very first one.

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Raise your little avatar hand.

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Denise is brand new to Love Seeds.

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So is Kathy.

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Who else?

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Anybody else?

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Never been here before?

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You've been in the program, but you just haven't had a Love Seed experience.

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All right.

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Louisa said me.

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She doesn't maybe know how to raise that hand, that avatar hand.

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All right.

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That's awesome.

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We have about three.

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Catherine is saying her as well.

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Crystal is also saying her.

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Okay.

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So we have a handful of newbies here, and that's awesome.

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So welcome to last year's Single Community.

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If you just made it to Phase 3, made it to the Community Phase and or this is just your

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very first Love Seed for whatever reason.

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Maybe you just haven't been able to get to one before because you work or whatever.

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We're so glad to have you with us.

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So we have a lot of fun on Love Seeds.

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This is the session where I do some dating coaching.

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And the reason why it's called Love Seeds is because you can get into the Love Seed

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with me, Jackie D, your coach.

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And we can talk about your situation or your non-situation.

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We can talk about your lack of situations.

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You want to talk about your love life and your lack of love life.

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You can get into the Love Seed.

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If you have a question about someone that you're talking to or someone that you don't

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know if you should be talking to, if you have a question about apps, if you have a question

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about someone that you're dating and something that they're doing, is this a yellow flag?

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Is it a green?

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Is it a red?

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Any of the things that you might have questions about, doesn't matter what it is, this is

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the time to ask those questions.

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Now, we also have an Ask Jackie segment that will be going live in your app for those of

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you that are in Phase 3 and in the men's group.

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So continue to put your questions into the Ask Jackie PDF, the type form, whatever that

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is that you put your questions in for that, into the

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database that we have there in your resource tab on your app, and we will get those answered

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for you.

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All right.

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We only have one person volunteering for Love Seat tonight.

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That means that we're going to do a big gallery tonight of questions.

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We're going to let all of you post your questions in the chat.

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We'll do a little Ask Jackie tonight.

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We might have some people that actually volunteer as tribute to jump into the Love Seat, even

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though they haven't asked in advance, and that's fine.

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So we will do that as well.

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I want to let you guys know that next week on Thursday, yes, on Thursday, we will have

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our single spotlight time.

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So ladies, you will get an opportunity in your phase three group to sign up to be a

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single spotlight, and then gentlemen, we're always taking volunteers, and so go ahead

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and post in the group if you are willing to volunteer to be a single spotlight.

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And then I have some other guys that have been waiting to be single spotlight that are

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private clients and or referrals from other places.

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And so we will be doing that as well.

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Guys, I just want to let you know that I'm always meeting singles.

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I met an amazing single.

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I was in Nashville, as you guys know, and I was on some podcasts.

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You guys, we are expanding our territory to more and more and more singles.

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We have lots of really exciting things coming up this summer of some pop-ups in some of

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your single cities.

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I have a new book coming out called Modern Dating Sucks, a matchmaker's guide to finding

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love in a swipe-left world.

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And so it's going to be really awesome.

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We're going to be doing some pop-ups with that book.

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We're going to be doing some pop-ups with a dating app that we've partnered with.

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We're going to be having some virtual speed dating events with that dating app.

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And so that's going to be exciting, and I'm going to be putting up the link for that in

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the resource page of your app, Phase 3 and Men.

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You're going to be getting that link to go ahead and get yourself a little profile.

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Got to use this link.

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Okay?

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You have to use this link or you will not be included in those virtual speed dating

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events that happen in June.

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There's going to be three of them, and you will not be included in these if you do not

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use this link to get your account on this brand new dating app.

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Okay?

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It's a Christian app, and we will be putting it up there.

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Now, you guys, I can't promise you because it's a new Christian app, it's a good Christian

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app.

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It's made by Christians for Christians.

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I cannot promise you that there's people, there's like tons and tons of people to talk

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to yet.

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It's up and coming, and we're going to be helping it expand its footprint, so that's

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important.

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I can't promise you that there are people in your age range.

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Right now, most of the people that are on this app are millennial age, so they're anywhere

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from 28 to 45.

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Okay?

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That doesn't mean that there isn't going to be older people on the app.

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It's not for a specific age group.

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It is just for Christians, and that's of all ages, but it doesn't always catch on with

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all age groups from the very beginning.

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Do not be negative about it.

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Just go ahead and make your profile there.

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If there's no one within your parameters yet, it doesn't mean that there's not going to

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be because let me tell you what, the creators of this app are partnering with all different

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singles groups, all different matchmakers like me.

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They are really, really pushing it out there hard, and it's going to continue to grow and

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grow and grow because I believe that God's hand is on it, and so we're going to be partnering

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with them, and there are going to be three virtual speed dating sessions that are going

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to happen as a gift to our community, but with the greater ... It's not going to just

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be our community.

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It's going to be the greater population of the people that sign up for this app in the

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next six weeks or so to be on that, so the rest of May, and then I think the very first

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one is on the 9th or 10th of June, so there's three.

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There's three different events.

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You can go to one.

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You can go to three, but you have to use this link that I'm going to put in the resource

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page to sign up, otherwise you will not be eligible for that, and so that's going to

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be important, so that is a little bit of my housekeeping.

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Let's see if I'm on yet.

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Nope, not yet.

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All right.

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Sorry, guys.

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My computer system is down, and Dave is trying to fix it, so we're just going to continue

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on here.

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I can actually come on camera on my phone.

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Hi.

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Here we are.

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Okay, so as he's fixing that over there, let me just give you guys a little preview of

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what's happening.

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So over there, that's where I usually teach from.

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It's getting fixed, and soon we will be over there together, and I'll be able to see your

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comments.

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In the meantime, we are going to go ahead and invite our one volunteer to come on and

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talk about her loveseat issue.

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Okay.

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We have got to put my granny glasses down so I can see Julie Julie are you here.

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yep i'm here hi Jackie.

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hi Julie thanks for volunteering.

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All right, so give me one SEC.

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Okay, there you are Okay, I see you.

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I don't really know what all I can do from my phone but i'm gonna i'm gonna try my best here so let's see Julie.

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I don't think it's going to let me spotlight you from my phone but that's fine I can see you and hopefully everyone else can as well all right so Julie tell us what's up.

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So I was just wondering if you could give some wisdom about if you think when you think it would be wise to consider moving for a level three.

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Three kind of long distance relationship and I i'll just read like what I had posted because it's easier.

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So my boyfriend lives about an hour and 15 minutes away the week the past weekend, we had a conversation about things I told him that I feel a little bit disconnected from him during the week, even though we talk on the phone every night and text throughout the day we see each other on weekends I tend to be very positive about the relationship when i'm with him and then.

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A few days after that during the week I start questioning things more I question whether or not we're getting a good feel for how we would be doing life together, day to day.

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And we've been dating for almost a year and we both said that, after about a year, we should have a pretty good idea if we want to seriously pursue marriage so.

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Okay, and how often you see each other.

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Every weekend so Saturday and Sunday.

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Okay, and and why are you not seeing each other during the week how far away is it it's an hour and 15 minutes.

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can't see each other during the week.

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um it it would be difficult, I guess we could but.

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He has a routine with his dog and I I don't I think it would be a lot to like I don't know see each other during the week.

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Did you say his dog.

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Yes, okay.

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Okay, all right, so he comes home from work and then he's got to take his dog out and you can't leave his dog for more than a few hours and whatever is it a little dog with a little bladder.

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No, it's a it's a big black lab but it's already been home all by itself all day.

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Um, so he lives with his parents and it's been with his parents all day but he's very he's very, very attentive to this dog.

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Okay, so he lives with his parents explain that.

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Um, he, uh, well, he's I'll say he's 43 I'm 40 he did own a house for a couple years and then his mom had a back injury and he says that he just didn't like being alone so he moved back with his parents I do question that a little bit but.

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Um, he's saving money.

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He's in the very beginning stages of building a house so he figures that it's a good living situation when you say the very beginning stages, you mean like he says he wants to build a house but nothing else has happened yet.

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No, he's he's got all the permits and he's he's set to go it's just gotten delayed but um.

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Several things have been started with stormwater plans so he's actually doing the stormwater plan this weekend.

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So he's actually building the house himself.

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Um, some of it as much as he can.

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Yeah.

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Okay.

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All right.

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So mom had a back issue he moved home to help he also didn't want to live alone and has he ever been married before.

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No.

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Okay.

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And.

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Um, yes and I think he just probably figures that phone calls are good enough so.

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Yeah well I mean you guys have been seeing each other for a week I'm sorry you guys have been seeing each other dating for a year.

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Yes.

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Okay a year of weekends and he's not motivated to see you guys for a week.

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No.

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Okay.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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So.

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240
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241
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Right.

242
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Um, I mean, he's not motivated to see you during the week and he's not motivated to, you know, to push this forward.

243
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So he's expecting you to move the hour and 15 minutes.

244
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What kind of job do you have?

245
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Can you move?

246
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:36.840
Yeah, I work remote.

247
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So I can move.

248
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Okay.

249
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And how about how I mean, you're asking the question you're showing up saying, hey, when should I move?

250
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I mean, like, what what are his plans?

251
00:14:48.760 --> 00:14:51.080
What are what are his conversations sounding like?

252
00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:59.880
Yeah, we do talk about marriage and he he says he's been telling me that he told me this early on.

253
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.360
on that he wants me to be essentially his wife, like he

254
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says, I want you to be in my life. It's just a decision that

255
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you have to make. He's he's tells me that and he says, he

256
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says, like, I've asked him what his biggest concern about us is

257
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and he says, just that you're going to feel boxed in just

258
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because I'm more adventurous. And he's like, you have to come

259
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to the decision that like, this is this is the life that you

260
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want because he's like, this is where he's living. He's living

261
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by his parents. Like, that's how it is. So he's kind of like

262
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you have to he he wants me to make that decision. Okay, so

263
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now that you're adding that information, I think that the

264
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question on everybody's minds is that, you know, has this man

265
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can he leave and cleave? You know, is he does he have a

266
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relationship with his parents that's unhealthy and

267
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codependent? You know, what are his parents like? Do they like

268
00:15:54.560 --> 00:15:56.800
you? How many times have you met them? Do they know that he's

269
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serious about marrying you? What? Okay. Yeah, they like me.

270
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I'm I see them every weekend. I like them. I just it's a little

271
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hard for me to understand because I've been out of my

272
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parents since I was 18. And like, he he says all the right

273
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things. He says, I understand you have to leave and cleave.

274
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He's like, you're number one, like once, once if we were to

275
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get married, he's like, you're, you're number one, not them

276
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anymore. So he says the right things. And I feel that he's

277
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genuine about it. Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, obviously, you

278
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know, he's very close to his family. And does he have any

279
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other friends? Does he have any other community? He has his

280
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cousins that he he sees at church on Sunday, basically, and

281
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he'll see them on holidays. But I've told him that before. I'm

282
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concerned, like, you don't really have a community or

283
00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:04.480
friends or things like that. And he says, I'm, he always says

284
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I'm very, very introverted. Like, yeah.

285
00:17:11.839 --> 00:17:12.960
Oh, I lost you.

286
00:17:15.520 --> 00:17:16.160
I can hear you.

287
00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:51.360
Can you hear me? I can hear you. No, I can't hear you. Hold

288
00:17:51.360 --> 00:17:58.240
on. Okay. This is

289
00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:14.480
Okay, can I can you go ahead and try to talk again?

290
00:18:14.480 --> 00:18:20.160
Hi. Yep. Yes. Are you there?

291
00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:28.400
Recording in progress.

292
00:18:33.360 --> 00:18:35.360
Okay, friends, we're just gonna do this from the phone tonight.

293
00:18:35.360 --> 00:18:38.800
I apologize, but I'm not gonna gonna delay us anymore with

294
00:18:38.800 --> 00:18:42.560
that. Okay, so there's several different issues here. You know,

295
00:18:42.560 --> 00:18:45.440
he's telling you that he doesn't want the same type of

296
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life that you want, or the same type of life that he says that

297
00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:51.920
he thinks you want. You know, like you said, you left your

298
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family when you were 18. Do you have a good relationship with

299
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:55.120
your family?

300
00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:59.680
It's, it's good now. Yeah, I would say it's okay.

301
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:01.280
Okay, but you left because it wasn't good.

302
00:19:02.320 --> 00:19:05.200
Well, I left to go to college, but it wasn't good. Yeah.

303
00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.160
Okay. Yeah. And so you so you're not close to your family the

304
00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:10.480
same way that he's close to his family, even if it's good, you

305
00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:13.120
don't have the same type of bond that this guy has. Right.

306
00:19:13.120 --> 00:19:16.080
And so you don't need, you know, you don't need your family's

307
00:19:16.080 --> 00:19:19.680
approval. You don't need them involved in your life. You know,

308
00:19:19.680 --> 00:19:21.040
are his parents elderly?

309
00:19:23.280 --> 00:19:25.200
Yeah, they're 79 and 80.

310
00:19:25.840 --> 00:19:28.480
Okay, so that's part of the reason why he doesn't want to

311
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:31.280
leave them as well, because they're, you know, they're older,

312
00:19:31.280 --> 00:19:34.240
they're older people. And so they had him later in life as

313
00:19:34.240 --> 00:19:37.680
well, right? Because he's 43, and they're 80 years old. So

314
00:19:38.400 --> 00:19:40.960
it's really important that you understand that, you know, he

315
00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:45.440
feels a responsibility towards his family, and that's okay. But

316
00:19:45.440 --> 00:19:47.520
because of that, you know, he said, you're having an

317
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adventurous life. He said, you know, I'm a homebody. I just

318
00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:54.960
want to be here with my dog. I can't even see you during the

319
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week because I got a dog. And I got to go see my dog. Right. And

320
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so

321
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:06.560
You know, he really is telling you the truth and so you need to believe him and he really is being very kind

322
00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:12.860
To you and very honest when he says, you know, I want you to be in my life

323
00:20:12.860 --> 00:20:17.540
But I don't know if this is what you want. And this is what I want. And this is what I'm gonna have

324
00:20:18.380 --> 00:20:20.380
So he's telling you I'm not changing

325
00:20:20.740 --> 00:20:24.780
Okay, right. Yeah, right. He's telling you this is what it's gonna be like

326
00:20:24.780 --> 00:20:27.980
So then we ask you the question. Is it what you want? Can you live this way?

327
00:20:28.340 --> 00:20:33.780
You know, don't do it just to be married, you know, is this a spirit mate compatibility? I

328
00:20:36.420 --> 00:20:38.180
Think it could be

329
00:20:38.180 --> 00:20:40.940
Okay. Yeah, so you're fine with you know

330
00:20:40.940 --> 00:20:45.340
Living in whatever town he lives in living right down the street from his parents and you know

331
00:20:45.340 --> 00:20:49.660
Whatever the caretaking with them is gonna look like in the next, you know several years

332
00:20:50.060 --> 00:20:55.860
And living with someone who is just okay to go to work come home be with his dog be at his house

333
00:20:56.620 --> 00:21:00.620
Be with his parents be with his cousin at church doesn't need a lot of other people

334
00:21:01.740 --> 00:21:03.980
And because I know that we think hey, you know

335
00:21:03.980 --> 00:21:06.220
I'm gonna have other people and I'm gonna you know

336
00:21:06.740 --> 00:21:10.540
Open him up to all these other people and I'm gonna bring the community and you know

337
00:21:10.540 --> 00:21:16.100
Sometimes that happens and that's where I want you to have a conversation. I want you to say hey, you know

338
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I appreciate your life. But you know, this is this is what our life is gonna look like together

339
00:21:20.700 --> 00:21:26.220
Those are the conversations you guys have to start talking about and if you guys want to jump in after a year of dating into

340
00:21:26.220 --> 00:21:33.420
Simba's I recommend it because you will be forced into those conversations because of the content of the curriculum and

341
00:21:33.620 --> 00:21:39.020
You need to be talking about. Hey, what does life look like every day? What is vacation look like?

342
00:21:39.180 --> 00:21:42.540
What does you know having children look like? How old are you?

343
00:21:43.300 --> 00:21:46.820
I'm 40. Okay, so you're gonna want to be doing that sooner rather than later

344
00:21:47.460 --> 00:21:52.340
So, what's that look like and you know, if you like the answers to those questions

345
00:21:52.740 --> 00:21:54.460
Then let's get that show on the road

346
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If you're remote, are you in an apartment or a house you own something or rent apartment rent? Okay, and when's your lease up?

347
00:22:01.780 --> 00:22:08.540
September. Yeah, I've had a conversation with him about that too the other night that I don't want to be in my place in

348
00:22:08.740 --> 00:22:10.740
September and he

349
00:22:11.100 --> 00:22:14.660
He's just like he's kind of like I'm working on the house as fast as I can

350
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And I told him that I think that the house and our relationship are two

351
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Separate things in my mind if it's right for us to get married

352
00:22:21.380 --> 00:22:25.780
We can find a different living situation and then he said that him and his parents actually discussed

353
00:22:26.380 --> 00:22:29.340
Getting us a house before his is finished

354
00:22:30.700 --> 00:22:32.700
Wait, wait, why is his parents in that conversation?

355
00:22:33.460 --> 00:22:39.060
He tells them a lot like I mean, but you said them getting you guys a house

356
00:22:39.060 --> 00:22:41.860
Does he not financially able to do that himself?

357
00:22:42.100 --> 00:22:45.660
I'm not sure maybe not with the house that he's building

358
00:22:45.660 --> 00:22:50.700
But I mean I I told him I have money for a down payment like it's not like I can't I can't do that

359
00:22:50.700 --> 00:22:52.740
You know, well, let me ask you a question, Julie

360
00:22:52.740 --> 00:22:56.820
And I appreciate this conversation and you volunteering to have it because it's gonna help a lot of people

361
00:22:57.020 --> 00:22:59.660
So have you been exclusively dating for a year?

362
00:23:01.820 --> 00:23:03.100
Um

363
00:23:03.100 --> 00:23:06.180
No, well, I haven't dated anyone else

364
00:23:06.180 --> 00:23:12.140
I haven't dated anyone else. So yes, but we made it official I guess in late fall

365
00:23:13.540 --> 00:23:21.060
Okay, so you've been exclusively dating for you know, November December January February March April May like seven months

366
00:23:21.060 --> 00:23:25.460
Mm-hmm. Okay, but you've known each other and you've been dating for a year

367
00:23:26.100 --> 00:23:28.100
Yep, okay

368
00:23:28.140 --> 00:23:30.140
You guys have not had

369
00:23:31.140 --> 00:23:37.620
The type of deep conversations that you should be having at this at this at this level of dating

370
00:23:38.060 --> 00:23:40.100
Okay, you should know how much money he has

371
00:23:41.060 --> 00:23:45.700
He's told me he's told me and we've we just did a thing at his church

372
00:23:46.340 --> 00:23:53.340
Okay, prepare and rich assessment and the pastor said he said it looks like a green light from my opinion. That's what he said

373
00:23:53.700 --> 00:23:58.820
Okay, so you just found out how much money but you don't know if he has enough money to buy a house plus having that

374
00:23:58.820 --> 00:24:02.700
So he's willing to make some changes. He's he's ready to move forward

375
00:24:03.500 --> 00:24:06.620
No, I don't think that I think that you have to

376
00:24:07.260 --> 00:24:10.860
You know, then the other question is is that do you feel like you love him?

377
00:24:13.580 --> 00:24:20.420
I do but I I I question things. I don't know if it's my personality or what I need

378
00:24:21.420 --> 00:24:26.060
Okay, like what what are we questioning besides the fact that you only see him on the weekends?

379
00:24:26.060 --> 00:24:32.020
I mean, you've been dating for seven months exclusively, but you have only seen him. How many weekends are in seven months?

380
00:24:32.020 --> 00:24:34.020
Someone do the math really fast. I

381
00:24:36.740 --> 00:24:39.080
Mean it's fair. It's fair to say this

382
00:24:40.340 --> 00:24:42.700
Someone in the chat. Oh, I'm sorry

383
00:24:42.700 --> 00:24:49.980
so someone in the chat wrote like that they wanted to know want the guy to say like you're mine like and he's kind of

384
00:24:50.340 --> 00:24:51.700
He doesn't

385
00:24:51.700 --> 00:24:59.380
He doesn't operate that way and like I think part of me wants that like is for someone to just like really

386
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.720
like say I want you like you know but he's being very diplomatic like I don't

387
00:25:06.720 --> 00:25:10.760
question his loyalty and his love you know what I mean but he's being very

388
00:25:10.760 --> 00:25:14.880
diplomatic he told you that he wanted you he told you that he wanted you when

389
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:21.360
you made this exclusive you know and you know I mean I had a I had a student a

390
00:25:21.360 --> 00:25:25.080
long time ago she's married by the way now to this guy but she would come on

391
00:25:25.080 --> 00:25:28.640
these love seeds and she would complain that she didn't really know you know

392
00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:34.240
she was just really at waiting for him to ask her to be his girlfriend and to

393
00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:37.720
make it official and but then she would talk about all the things that they were

394
00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:42.240
doing with each other and you know how he called every day and how they went

395
00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:45.560
out several times a week and I said well it sounds to me like he thinks you are

396
00:25:45.560 --> 00:25:49.480
his girlfriend and sure enough that was the truth you know not everyone has the

397
00:25:49.480 --> 00:25:54.680
same communication skills has he ever been in a long-term relationship before

398
00:25:54.680 --> 00:26:00.080
yeah one okay and how long had it been before he got into this relationship

399
00:26:00.080 --> 00:26:07.000
with you so he he dated his ex for about two years and then it was a year from

400
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:15.960
when they ended to when he started with me and why did they end because of

401
00:26:15.960 --> 00:26:20.480
mostly I guess living situations she she didn't want to move from her dad's

402
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:25.760
property he wanted she wanted him to build a house on her dad's property so

403
00:26:25.760 --> 00:26:32.560
okay so basically she was a version of him yes he wanted him to come to her and

404
00:26:32.560 --> 00:26:36.880
to her family and to do life the way that she pictured it so I think that

405
00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:43.800
you are actually the best example of a couple that needs to go through a simbus

406
00:26:43.800 --> 00:26:48.280
okay because you you really need to it's gonna have you dig into what's life

407
00:26:48.280 --> 00:26:51.800
gonna look like on the daily who's gonna do what what are the personalities

408
00:26:51.800 --> 00:26:56.080
of these two people and how do they come together what are the influencing styles

409
00:26:56.080 --> 00:27:00.640
that they use on each other where the communication styles you know what what's

410
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:05.160
the attraction level who wants what and when all those different things I think

411
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:07.960
that that's gonna be really important because it doesn't seem like you're

412
00:27:07.960 --> 00:27:15.360
having these these conversations successfully on your own okay yes I mean

413
00:27:15.360 --> 00:27:20.080
we we were going through a book called 101 questions to ask before you get

414
00:27:20.080 --> 00:27:26.160
engaged so we've covered we it seems like we cover a lot but I think there's

415
00:27:26.160 --> 00:27:30.480
a gap so I think you might be right we need to go to well and you and you seem

416
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:34.680
to be afraid to tell him what you need because you're telling us that he's not

417
00:27:34.680 --> 00:27:38.440
giving you what you need and he's also saying to you I might not be able to

418
00:27:38.440 --> 00:27:43.760
give you what you need but you know you need to be saying to him hey you know I

419
00:27:43.760 --> 00:27:46.760
need to see you more passionate about this relationship you know are you

420
00:27:46.760 --> 00:27:51.400
passionate about me do you love me you know you know I know that you want him

421
00:27:51.400 --> 00:27:54.600
to just come up with that but some people are not words of affirmation

422
00:27:54.600 --> 00:28:00.240
people they're not gonna be people that talk like that to us unless you know we

423
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:06.320
let them know that in a loving you know needs being fulfilled relationship we

424
00:28:06.320 --> 00:28:12.360
need them to talk like that to us very rarely do two people have the same needs

425
00:28:12.360 --> 00:28:16.200
in relationship and so if you're not willing to ask for your needs and then I

426
00:28:16.200 --> 00:28:19.560
think that you're trying to say that you have more of an avoidant kind of

427
00:28:19.560 --> 00:28:24.400
attachment style where these weekends were kind of enough for you because you

428
00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:29.840
felt like you know you might get more of a reason to kind of cut and run if you

429
00:28:29.840 --> 00:28:37.720
saw him more or if you made decisions that were more solid or final

430
00:28:38.120 --> 00:28:45.880
what do you mean I'm sorry like I mean there's no way there's there's not a

431
00:28:45.880 --> 00:28:53.800
snowball's chance in Hades that I would be still with these many questions in my

432
00:28:53.800 --> 00:28:57.440
mind if I had been dating a guy for seven months I'd have them all answered

433
00:28:57.440 --> 00:29:05.080
I you know I would you know so you I think are hesitating as well like you're

434
00:29:05.080 --> 00:29:09.560
not you're not pushing forward he's not drawing and pulling you forward and

435
00:29:09.560 --> 00:29:14.760
you're also not pushing forward so that that's that's where I want to ask you

436
00:29:14.760 --> 00:29:24.840
why why you know after seven months of weekends only why you also are not

437
00:29:24.840 --> 00:29:30.840
pushing for more time you know time share with the dog why you are not you

438
00:29:30.840 --> 00:29:38.280
know why is that enough for you is I guess my question that's a good question

439
00:29:38.280 --> 00:29:46.160
mm-hmm yeah I feel like it would be a major inconvenience to him and I don't

440
00:29:46.160 --> 00:29:50.800
want to inconvenience him but I know that's the right way to think well just

441
00:29:50.800 --> 00:29:53.280
want to tell you one thing it's really important that you know and everyone

442
00:29:53.280 --> 00:29:59.880
else knows here marriage is one big fat inconvenience okay it is not convenient

443
00:29:59.880 --> 00:30:01.880
to

444
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:05.880
be married. I mean, you're going to have to lose so much of me in

445
00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:12.240
order to become we both of you. And I really hope that he is

446
00:30:12.660 --> 00:30:15.460
understanding that as well. Even if you move to him, even if you

447
00:30:15.460 --> 00:30:18.900
live down the street from mom and dad, he still he doesn't get

448
00:30:18.900 --> 00:30:21.700
to keep his life like it is now and then just add you to it.

449
00:30:23.820 --> 00:30:25.980
That's not what that looks like. And these are the questions

450
00:30:25.980 --> 00:30:28.920
Julia that I really want you to have with him is like are you I

451
00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:31.040
know that you don't have community, but are you open to

452
00:30:31.040 --> 00:30:35.000
it? Because I need community? Are you open to finding a bigger

453
00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:38.240
church with me finding a you know, finding more friends with

454
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:42.400
me hanging out with couples that we should meet? Are you open to

455
00:30:42.520 --> 00:30:46.840
and then just fill in the blank the things that you envision for

456
00:30:46.840 --> 00:30:49.520
your marriage? It's not just his marriage would be your marriage

457
00:30:49.520 --> 00:30:50.000
to

458
00:30:50.440 --> 00:30:53.720
he has said yes to those questions. And he says when he

459
00:30:53.720 --> 00:30:55.600
gets the house built, he think it would be good to do a

460
00:30:55.600 --> 00:30:56.920
ministry at his house.

461
00:30:57.360 --> 00:31:01.720
So okay, well, the house has not even been broken ground yet. So

462
00:31:01.760 --> 00:31:07.000
and you're 40 years old. Okay, so I'm assuming that you would

463
00:31:07.000 --> 00:31:10.240
like to have some kids. Yep. Yep. Yep.

464
00:31:14.320 --> 00:31:17.320
Okay, so you guys, I'm going to keep audio and video on the

465
00:31:17.320 --> 00:31:19.640
phone, but I can I'll be able to see the chat because I'll be

466
00:31:19.640 --> 00:31:22.680
over here. So we're having some major technical difficulties

467
00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:26.040
tonight, but that's okay. We're going to make it through. So

468
00:31:26.040 --> 00:31:30.040
Julie, so I think that you guys have been talking a lot more

469
00:31:30.040 --> 00:31:32.120
than you're alluding to because every time I say you need to

470
00:31:32.120 --> 00:31:34.520
answer this question, you're like, well, we already did. Okay,

471
00:31:34.600 --> 00:31:40.440
awesome. So it's time to put some action to those words. And

472
00:31:40.520 --> 00:31:44.000
if he is willing to get another living situation while the house

473
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:46.560
is being built, it doesn't have to be a house, you don't have to

474
00:31:46.560 --> 00:31:48.440
buy another house, get an apartment together.

475
00:31:49.800 --> 00:31:51.600
I don't think he would want to do that.

476
00:31:52.320 --> 00:31:53.680
Because of what reason?

477
00:31:54.400 --> 00:31:58.240
Because he would say it's just a complete waste of money.

478
00:32:00.800 --> 00:32:03.360
Okay, well, I mean, if he has it like that to buy another house,

479
00:32:03.360 --> 00:32:07.200
and then it was he going to do rent it out. When you move into

480
00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:15.040
the to the mythical house that's being built. I say that because

481
00:32:15.040 --> 00:32:17.680
you guys I literally know couples where the guys like I'm

482
00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:20.640
building a house and you know, now they're finally married.

483
00:32:20.640 --> 00:32:22.800
They've been married for like 20 years in the house. They're

484
00:32:22.800 --> 00:32:28.560
not built. So. So it's a situation where, okay, great.

485
00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:33.040
But until then, we have to live somewhere. And so yeah, if he

486
00:32:33.040 --> 00:32:35.520
wants to buy another house, cool. Maybe you never built the

487
00:32:35.520 --> 00:32:38.560
house. Maybe you guys live in that house. But I guess what I'm

488
00:32:38.560 --> 00:32:41.120
saying is, is that there needs to be forward movement now. So

489
00:32:41.120 --> 00:32:45.840
the answer to your original question is 1000%. If you see

490
00:32:45.840 --> 00:32:48.880
your guy yourself with this man, if there are no red flags, if

491
00:32:48.880 --> 00:32:51.920
you really feel like you could be a great couple together,

492
00:32:51.920 --> 00:32:55.520
if he's answered your questions to a place where you feel

493
00:32:55.520 --> 00:33:00.000
secure, enough to move forward, then let's move forward. If it

494
00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:02.320
if it isn't enough for you to move forward, then you have to

495
00:33:02.320 --> 00:33:04.800
ask the questions that can get you to a place where you're

496
00:33:04.800 --> 00:33:09.040
either moving forward, or you're letting go. Because seven

497
00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:13.680
months is too long to be in limbo. Okay, a year is too long

498
00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:15.840
to be in limbo. I have another couple that's going through

499
00:33:15.840 --> 00:33:20.000
this right now. I sent this guy a voice text just today or

500
00:33:20.880 --> 00:33:25.040
yesterday. And I said, we got to pee or get off the pot. All

501
00:33:25.040 --> 00:33:28.560
right. Because you're saying I love you. You know, you're

502
00:33:28.560 --> 00:33:31.600
buying rings, you're doing things, but I don't see any

503
00:33:31.600 --> 00:33:34.480
forward movement. So we got to figure out what we're doing

504
00:33:34.480 --> 00:33:39.680
here. And or why we're not doing it. Right? We have to

505
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:42.800
figure out what we're doing or why we're not doing it. And so I

506
00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:45.520
feel a lot of hesitation in you for some reason, but you're not

507
00:33:45.520 --> 00:33:48.960
telling me why you're hesitating. I don't know if I

508
00:33:49.120 --> 00:33:53.760
know why myself. Okay. You know what, I think I know why.

509
00:33:53.760 --> 00:33:56.800
Because this man is not showing up as a strong leader. And that

510
00:33:56.800 --> 00:34:00.480
really makes you somewhere deep inside that's making you feel

511
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:05.680
insecure. You know, yeah, gentlemen, women want you to

512
00:34:05.680 --> 00:34:10.800
lead. Okay, they do. They want you to be sure. And they want

513
00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:15.520
you to act like you're sure about the future. And so I feel

514
00:34:15.520 --> 00:34:18.480
like that's why, because there's a lot of change. And it's going

515
00:34:18.560 --> 00:34:22.320
to all be you doing it. You're going to leave your community,

516
00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:24.560
you're going to leave your apartment, you're going to move

517
00:34:24.560 --> 00:34:28.960
somewhere else. Even if you're an adventurer, and you like the

518
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:34.080
idea of doing that, like a new beginning, at the same time, you

519
00:34:34.080 --> 00:34:37.040
know, he's asking, he's not even at that's the thing. He's not

520
00:34:37.040 --> 00:34:40.239
even asking you to do it. He's saying, Well, only if you want

521
00:34:40.239 --> 00:34:46.480
to. Yeah. So if I were you, I would just straight out say to

522
00:34:46.480 --> 00:34:50.560
him, it's not about whether I want to do you want me to? I've

523
00:34:50.560 --> 00:34:56.560
told him that. And then what does he say? He says? I don't

524
00:34:56.560 --> 00:34:59.760
know. He says things like, like

525
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.840
Jesus doesn't, like, force people to do things, and I'm like, you're not forcing me, I just

526
00:35:04.840 --> 00:35:09.960
want more, like, confidence and things like that.

527
00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:14.040
It sounds like, in my opinion, this doesn't have nothing to do with Jesus.

528
00:35:14.040 --> 00:35:18.160
In my opinion, it sounds like, even if he's not consciously aware of this, it sounds to

529
00:35:18.160 --> 00:35:25.640
me like he doesn't want the responsibility if this doesn't work out.

530
00:35:25.640 --> 00:35:29.600
I'm not saying that he's planning for it to not work out, but it sounds to me like he

531
00:35:29.600 --> 00:35:34.040
doesn't want the responsibility of you giving up your life and moving to him, and then him

532
00:35:34.040 --> 00:35:39.040
not marrying you, or you guys just not working out.

533
00:35:39.040 --> 00:35:43.760
So I think that you need to have some real heart-to-heart conversations about, you know,

534
00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:46.560
he says he wants you, his actions are not saying that.

535
00:35:46.560 --> 00:35:55.840
His words are pretty lukewarm, they're definitely not passionate declarations of love, and so

536
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:03.720
I think that, you know, there needs to be some deeper conversations about, you know,

537
00:36:03.720 --> 00:36:04.720
about this subject.

538
00:36:04.720 --> 00:36:10.040
And you need to just be honest with him, you need to tell him, I need to know that you

539
00:36:10.040 --> 00:36:17.640
are in it to win it, that this is what you want, forget about my free will, okay?

540
00:36:17.640 --> 00:36:24.440
And understand that as a woman, I need the security of you leading us and you letting

541
00:36:24.440 --> 00:36:28.560
me know that this is the future that you want with me.

542
00:36:28.560 --> 00:36:33.120
And if he can't show up at that level, I think that you're going to continue to feel like

543
00:36:33.120 --> 00:36:35.120
you're on shaky ground.

544
00:36:35.120 --> 00:36:42.480
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

545
00:36:42.480 --> 00:36:45.960
Have you ever been in a long-term relationship?

546
00:36:45.960 --> 00:36:51.080
I dated, yeah, I dated someone for a year, like four years ago.

547
00:36:51.280 --> 00:36:56.680
Why didn't that go forward to marriage?

548
00:36:56.680 --> 00:37:04.680
I had things about me that I probably needed to go to therapy for, there's a lot of reasons

549
00:37:04.680 --> 00:37:06.080
for that one.

550
00:37:06.080 --> 00:37:10.600
Okay, well, I think that you seem amazing.

551
00:37:10.600 --> 00:37:11.600
Thank you.

552
00:37:11.600 --> 00:37:17.360
And I'm glad that you did the work on yourself, and I just want you to be with someone who

553
00:37:17.360 --> 00:37:22.720
is going to be able to, I mean, when you get married, you know, this is a question

554
00:37:22.720 --> 00:37:26.680
you can ask him, say, hey, you know, I appreciate that you don't want to trample over my free

555
00:37:26.680 --> 00:37:29.560
will, but when we're married, are you going to lead me?

556
00:37:29.560 --> 00:37:32.880
Are you going to, you know, give your opinion or are you just going to be like, well, whatever

557
00:37:32.880 --> 00:37:37.640
you want, or whatever you feel, I mean, that's not going to be a good marriage.

558
00:37:37.640 --> 00:37:38.640
Yeah.

559
00:37:38.640 --> 00:37:43.880
What you ask for advice or what you should do is you're just going to say, I don't know,

560
00:37:43.880 --> 00:37:46.080
I guess you're just going to have to figure it out.

561
00:37:46.480 --> 00:37:49.040
No, he does lead and he leads well.

562
00:37:49.040 --> 00:37:53.920
He's just, yeah, it's just about like our relationship.

563
00:37:53.920 --> 00:38:00.080
He's leaving a little bit too much up to me, but he does lead well, I think.

564
00:38:00.080 --> 00:38:05.440
That's because he doesn't want you to be mad if you get involved with this and it's not

565
00:38:05.440 --> 00:38:06.880
what you want.

566
00:38:06.880 --> 00:38:12.600
He obviously has a heart wound about, not necessarily disappointing people, it could

567
00:38:12.600 --> 00:38:18.200
be a little bit of that, but it's more about, he has a heart wound about like, you know,

568
00:38:18.200 --> 00:38:24.400
missed expectations or, you know, or being around.

569
00:38:24.400 --> 00:38:30.080
I think it's more this, he has a heart wound around being around a woman who's unhappy

570
00:38:30.080 --> 00:38:31.760
is what I'm sensing in the spirit.

571
00:38:31.760 --> 00:38:38.680
He doesn't want you to be like, yes, I want this and then, you know, be disillusioned

572
00:38:38.680 --> 00:38:40.440
somewhere in his life.

573
00:38:40.440 --> 00:38:45.040
He's gotten the idea that, you know, women think that this is what they want, but then

574
00:38:45.040 --> 00:38:48.960
when they get into it, then they don't want it anymore.

575
00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:50.080
Okay.

576
00:38:50.080 --> 00:38:53.680
So something like that's going on with him.

577
00:38:53.680 --> 00:38:59.440
So let's try to have some deeper conversations about that because it's not normal behavior.

578
00:38:59.440 --> 00:39:00.440
Not.

579
00:39:00.440 --> 00:39:01.440
Okay.

580
00:39:01.440 --> 00:39:02.440
Yeah.

581
00:39:02.440 --> 00:39:03.440
All right.

582
00:39:03.440 --> 00:39:04.440
Thank you so much.

583
00:39:04.440 --> 00:39:05.440
Simbis would be great.

584
00:39:05.440 --> 00:39:06.440
Let's see.

585
00:39:06.440 --> 00:39:11.280
Julie, my last boyfriend who did Simbis with this group in 2022, he eventually broke up

586
00:39:11.280 --> 00:39:12.280
with me.

587
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:13.400
He couldn't lead the way that I needed him to.

588
00:39:13.400 --> 00:39:15.880
I'm so proud of you for showing up and asking these questions.

589
00:39:15.880 --> 00:39:16.880
Yeah.

590
00:39:16.880 --> 00:39:21.720
I mean, Simbis, I will, I will warn you, Simbis is a matchmaking and matchbreaking class.

591
00:39:21.720 --> 00:39:29.920
So because, you know, deep, deep conversations are had and, and so, but yeah, can you keep

592
00:39:29.920 --> 00:39:30.920
us updated?

593
00:39:30.920 --> 00:39:31.920
Yes, definitely.

594
00:39:31.920 --> 00:39:33.400
Thank you so much.

595
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:34.400
I do.

596
00:39:34.400 --> 00:39:39.600
I do think that I do think decisions need to be made like within the next 30 to 60 days.

597
00:39:39.600 --> 00:39:40.600
Okay.

598
00:39:40.600 --> 00:39:41.600
Okay.

599
00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:43.800
So let's get whatever we need to make those decisions.

600
00:39:43.800 --> 00:39:44.800
Okay.

601
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:45.800
All right.

602
00:39:45.800 --> 00:39:46.800
All right.

603
00:39:46.800 --> 00:39:47.800
I'll keep you updated.

604
00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:48.800
Thank you so much.

605
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:49.800
Thank you, Julie.

606
00:39:49.800 --> 00:39:50.800
Yep.

607
00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:51.800
Thanks.

608
00:39:51.800 --> 00:39:54.800
And then there's a whole peanut gallery of people saying things to you here.

609
00:39:54.800 --> 00:39:58.400
You can go read all the things that people are saying.

610
00:39:58.400 --> 00:39:59.400
Okay.

611
00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:00.040
You guys, that's what's beautiful.

612
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.360
about this community is we all get to chime in.

613
00:40:02.360 --> 00:40:03.200
Let's be nice.

614
00:40:03.200 --> 00:40:06.600
Some of y'all, some of y'all getting a little rowdy

615
00:40:06.600 --> 00:40:08.480
in here saying some rowdy stuff.

616
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:10.440
Let's not get rowdy, all right?

617
00:40:11.600 --> 00:40:14.520
Let's not, we don't know her man.

618
00:40:14.520 --> 00:40:15.960
We don't know her.

619
00:40:15.960 --> 00:40:18.120
Let's not, let's not get negative.

620
00:40:18.120 --> 00:40:21.840
Okay, actually you guys, this happens more often

621
00:40:21.840 --> 00:40:24.240
than you think it does, all right?

622
00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:28.400
And what I'm really sensing about her boyfriend

623
00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:33.400
is he does not want to be the reason for her being unhappy.

624
00:40:36.880 --> 00:40:39.640
He doesn't, he does not want that on him.

625
00:40:39.640 --> 00:40:42.240
He doesn't wanna end up with an unhappy woman

626
00:40:42.240 --> 00:40:44.920
who starts to say, well, I want this and I want that.

627
00:40:44.920 --> 00:40:48.400
And she's like, and he's like, well, I told you

628
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:51.440
that I didn't want those things, right?

629
00:40:51.440 --> 00:40:53.280
He's being very clear and very honest

630
00:40:53.280 --> 00:40:54.600
about what he has to offer

631
00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:55.960
and what he doesn't have to offer,

632
00:40:55.960 --> 00:41:00.000
what he wants and what he's not gonna do.

633
00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:02.520
In fact, in a lot of ways, he's having some good boundaries,

634
00:41:02.520 --> 00:41:04.840
but I honestly think that his boundaries

635
00:41:04.840 --> 00:41:08.760
are trying to protect an area where he has fear.

636
00:41:08.760 --> 00:41:10.560
He is showing good boundaries.

637
00:41:10.560 --> 00:41:13.200
He is saying exactly what he wants, what he doesn't want,

638
00:41:13.200 --> 00:41:15.080
what he's gonna do, what he's not gonna do.

639
00:41:15.080 --> 00:41:17.120
But I do feel like that boundary

640
00:41:17.120 --> 00:41:19.320
is protecting a place of fear for him.

641
00:41:19.320 --> 00:41:21.240
So hopefully they'll be able to get to the bottom of it.

642
00:41:21.240 --> 00:41:22.080
All right?

643
00:41:22.080 --> 00:41:24.840
If you remember, keep her in your prayers

644
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:27.880
that she is able to get to a place of clarity

645
00:41:27.880 --> 00:41:29.560
and forward momentum.

646
00:41:29.560 --> 00:41:30.680
All right?

647
00:41:30.680 --> 00:41:32.040
Yes, it was a great conversation.

648
00:41:32.040 --> 00:41:33.000
I agree, Sarah.

649
00:41:33.000 --> 00:41:33.840
All right, you guys,

650
00:41:33.840 --> 00:41:35.040
since I don't have anyone else for the love seat,

651
00:41:35.040 --> 00:41:37.120
if you go ahead and put your questions up,

652
00:41:37.120 --> 00:41:38.400
I see a couple of people.

653
00:41:40.320 --> 00:41:41.160
I see that.

654
00:41:41.160 --> 00:41:43.840
Stacey McVane, are you wanting to get in the love seat?

655
00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:47.320
Yes, ma'am.

656
00:41:47.320 --> 00:41:49.560
All right, let's do it, girl.

657
00:41:49.560 --> 00:41:51.880
All right, nice to see you, Jackie D.

658
00:41:51.880 --> 00:41:53.280
Nice to see you.

659
00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:54.280
Let's do it.

660
00:41:54.320 --> 00:41:58.320
All right, so I am talking to,

661
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:02.240
I am on level two with a man named Clayton.

662
00:42:02.240 --> 00:42:04.080
He's 61 years old.

663
00:42:04.080 --> 00:42:05.800
He lives three hours away.

664
00:42:07.200 --> 00:42:11.760
He has come to see me twice.

665
00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:15.960
So he came on a Friday night,

666
00:42:16.920 --> 00:42:18.560
took me out to dinner,

667
00:42:18.560 --> 00:42:20.800
made reservations at my favorite place,

668
00:42:21.800 --> 00:42:24.240
stayed the night at a hotel.

669
00:42:24.240 --> 00:42:26.320
The next day, we went to the gym,

670
00:42:26.320 --> 00:42:27.640
hung around Georgetown Square.

671
00:42:27.640 --> 00:42:28.760
We had a great time.

672
00:42:28.760 --> 00:42:31.360
He came the next Friday,

673
00:42:31.360 --> 00:42:33.160
took me out to dinner,

674
00:42:33.160 --> 00:42:34.360
and then just drove home,

675
00:42:34.360 --> 00:42:35.760
and he lives three hours away.

676
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:40.000
So he's coming this Sunday to see me and all that.

677
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:41.320
My question is,

678
00:42:41.320 --> 00:42:45.400
so I am feeling a little bit love-bombed.

679
00:42:47.120 --> 00:42:49.440
I had a conversation with him last night,

680
00:42:49.640 --> 00:42:51.120
and I just said,

681
00:42:52.600 --> 00:42:56.480
I feel like you're wanting to push this further

682
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:58.440
than I'm ready to go right now.

683
00:42:58.440 --> 00:43:01.400
And I appreciate the word of affirmation, I said,

684
00:43:01.400 --> 00:43:05.200
but it's almost, it's like the scripture that says,

685
00:43:05.200 --> 00:43:07.240
you know, too much honey makes you sick.

686
00:43:07.240 --> 00:43:10.080
Okay, can we like, can you give us a sample?

687
00:43:11.560 --> 00:43:14.560
Okay, so yesterday after work,

688
00:43:14.560 --> 00:43:16.360
he's, you know, we were FaceTiming.

689
00:43:16.360 --> 00:43:18.320
He's like, hey, how was your day?

690
00:43:18.320 --> 00:43:19.160
You look great.

691
00:43:19.880 --> 00:43:21.680
Oh my God, you look so nice.

692
00:43:21.680 --> 00:43:22.520
How was your day?

693
00:43:22.520 --> 00:43:23.920
It was just too much for me.

694
00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:25.120
Did you look nice?

695
00:43:26.400 --> 00:43:28.160
Girl, I always look nice.

696
00:43:28.160 --> 00:43:29.400
I know, that's what I was gonna say.

697
00:43:29.400 --> 00:43:30.640
You're always super cute.

698
00:43:30.640 --> 00:43:32.400
So I mean, like,

699
00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:34.880
is it possible that you're just not used to men

700
00:43:34.880 --> 00:43:36.840
that are attracted to you?

701
00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:40.160
And, cause that doesn't seem like a love-bomb to me.

702
00:43:40.160 --> 00:43:41.920
It, you know, I'll tell you what it is,

703
00:43:41.920 --> 00:43:46.640
is that I, it's a trigger from, it's a trigger.

704
00:43:46.640 --> 00:43:47.560
Okay.

705
00:43:47.560 --> 00:43:50.440
And so I should, basically last night,

706
00:43:50.440 --> 00:43:53.800
I shared that with him, but I also said, you know,

707
00:43:53.800 --> 00:43:58.800
I need, he, he is a boundary breaker,

708
00:43:58.920 --> 00:44:01.680
but I don't think he realizes it.

709
00:44:01.680 --> 00:44:03.040
So give us some examples.

710
00:44:03.040 --> 00:44:04.080
We need a sample.

711
00:44:06.680 --> 00:44:07.680
Cause that ain't it.

712
00:44:07.680 --> 00:44:08.640
That one ain't it.

713
00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:10.320
Okay, that's just you.

714
00:44:10.320 --> 00:44:13.200
That's just you not believing that flattery is real.

715
00:44:14.200 --> 00:44:17.440
That's just you just being used to, you know,

716
00:44:17.440 --> 00:44:19.440
people just blowing smoke up your butt.

717
00:44:21.760 --> 00:44:22.960
Here's an, here's an example.

718
00:44:22.960 --> 00:44:25.600
Stacey, I really think that you could compliment me

719
00:44:25.600 --> 00:44:27.560
and that's probably not a good example

720
00:44:27.560 --> 00:44:29.280
because it's a nice thing to say.

721
00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:30.600
I mean, maybe you're right.

722
00:44:30.600 --> 00:44:31.440
Maybe you're right.

723
00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:33.480
But I was just, anyway, so.

724
00:44:37.480 --> 00:44:40.720
I mean, you're so used to the avoidant attachers that,

725
00:44:40.720 --> 00:44:41.560
you know, yeah,

726
00:44:41.560 --> 00:44:42.920
he might have a little bit of anxious attachment,

727
00:44:43.520 --> 00:44:45.320
but I don't hear anything toxic yet.

728
00:44:46.400 --> 00:44:47.520
No, he hasn't.

729
00:44:48.400 --> 00:44:51.960
I think that it's just a little bit too much

730
00:44:51.960 --> 00:44:55.480
for only seeing each other two times.

731
00:44:55.480 --> 00:44:57.400
Yeah, but he's also 61 years old.

732
00:44:57.400 --> 00:45:00.040
So you have to understand this generation, that's.

733
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:01.280
It's not the way they roll.

734
00:45:01.280 --> 00:45:03.600
They don't roll with the newfangled rules.

735
00:45:03.600 --> 00:45:05.440
They don't at all, because he said,

736
00:45:05.440 --> 00:45:08.040
Stacy, I don't know anything about this.

737
00:45:08.040 --> 00:45:10.440
He goes, I'm used to liking a girl,

738
00:45:10.440 --> 00:45:12.600
and she either likes me back, and then if she does,

739
00:45:12.600 --> 00:45:13.680
she's my girlfriend.

740
00:45:13.680 --> 00:45:16.480
Yes, widowed or divorced?

741
00:45:16.480 --> 00:45:17.400
Divorced.

742
00:45:17.400 --> 00:45:20.280
OK, how long?

743
00:45:20.280 --> 00:45:22.920
Well, he's been married three times.

744
00:45:22.920 --> 00:45:26.440
OK, three times, and how long?

745
00:45:26.440 --> 00:45:29.040
Does he have kids in any of these marriages?

746
00:45:29.480 --> 00:45:31.720
His first wife, he was married to for 26 years,

747
00:45:31.720 --> 00:45:36.200
and then he had another marriage, and then he had.

748
00:45:36.200 --> 00:45:38.200
Why did the 26-year-old divorce happen?

749
00:45:38.200 --> 00:45:40.120
Why did the 26-year-old divorce happen?

750
00:45:40.120 --> 00:45:43.120
Do you know?

751
00:45:43.120 --> 00:45:45.280
From what I get, well, he told me.

752
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:47.280
He worked, worked, worked, worked, worked,

753
00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:52.320
and he did that, and then it seemed

754
00:45:52.320 --> 00:45:55.320
she was colder than he needed.

755
00:45:55.320 --> 00:45:57.800
So he was a workaholic, and they grew apart,

756
00:45:57.800 --> 00:46:00.720
and who divorced who?

757
00:46:00.720 --> 00:46:02.840
He divorced her.

758
00:46:02.840 --> 00:46:06.040
He divorced her because she just.

759
00:46:06.040 --> 00:46:08.600
I think it was like there was too much.

760
00:46:08.600 --> 00:46:11.160
It had been enough, it seems.

761
00:46:11.160 --> 00:46:14.040
OK, and they have children together?

762
00:46:14.040 --> 00:46:15.800
Yeah, they have two boys.

763
00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:18.360
One's 27, one is 22.

764
00:46:18.360 --> 00:46:22.360
They actually have a very good co-parenting thing going on.

765
00:46:22.360 --> 00:46:24.080
OK, and how long did he get remarried?

766
00:46:24.680 --> 00:46:27.560
How long was he divorced before he

767
00:46:27.560 --> 00:46:30.480
got remarried after that one?

768
00:46:30.480 --> 00:46:35.720
He got in a relationship within a year,

769
00:46:35.720 --> 00:46:38.760
and then he was married.

770
00:46:38.760 --> 00:46:40.520
I think he was in a longer relationship,

771
00:46:40.520 --> 00:46:42.440
and then he was in a longer relationship,

772
00:46:42.440 --> 00:46:44.880
and then he was married for about 2 and 1⁄2 years.

773
00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:47.240
OK, and you said he had been married three times.

774
00:46:47.240 --> 00:46:49.320
Yes, and the last one was a covenant marriage,

775
00:46:49.320 --> 00:46:50.760
and oh my gosh, Jackie, it's so weird

776
00:46:50.760 --> 00:46:53.520
because I know the couple that told them to do that,

777
00:46:53.520 --> 00:46:56.040
and you know how I know a lot of people in this community.

778
00:46:56.040 --> 00:46:57.240
It was really weird.

779
00:46:57.240 --> 00:46:58.200
Yeah.

780
00:46:58.200 --> 00:47:01.760
OK, so why did they get divorced?

781
00:47:01.760 --> 00:47:04.880
The third covenant marriage?

782
00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:06.160
Yeah.

783
00:47:06.160 --> 00:47:12.760
Because it's actually a really weird story, but.

784
00:47:12.760 --> 00:47:14.600
Just give us the cliff notes.

785
00:47:14.600 --> 00:47:16.960
Someone cheated, something happened.

786
00:47:16.960 --> 00:47:18.480
We should do a covenant marriage.

787
00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:20.960
The woman's like, we should do a covenant marriage.

788
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:22.120
He's like, are you sure about that?

789
00:47:22.120 --> 00:47:23.520
Yes, let's do the covenant marriage,

790
00:47:23.520 --> 00:47:25.560
and then like a month later, she's like,

791
00:47:25.560 --> 00:47:27.600
I heard from the Lord, and he annulled it.

792
00:47:27.600 --> 00:47:28.400
Get out of my house.

793
00:47:28.400 --> 00:47:29.400
Oh, dear God.

794
00:47:29.400 --> 00:47:31.360
OK, so the covenant marriage is when

795
00:47:31.360 --> 00:47:32.560
you don't get married legally.

796
00:47:32.560 --> 00:47:34.760
You just do it like with somebody,

797
00:47:34.760 --> 00:47:36.560
like with a preacher or something.

798
00:47:36.560 --> 00:47:40.240
Well, not even, just friends on a mountain.

799
00:47:40.240 --> 00:47:40.920
Oh, dear God.

800
00:47:40.920 --> 00:47:42.160
OK, all right, good.

801
00:47:42.160 --> 00:47:44.880
And then that kind of person is the type of weirdo

802
00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:46.400
that's going to say, get out of my house.

803
00:47:46.400 --> 00:47:47.320
God told me no.

804
00:47:47.320 --> 00:47:48.520
OK, so all right.

805
00:47:48.520 --> 00:47:50.480
So that's great, and then the second marriage,

806
00:47:50.520 --> 00:47:53.560
you know why that one ended?

807
00:47:53.560 --> 00:47:59.840
Yes, she wanted her kids to have more

808
00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:04.520
of the ranch type inheritance.

809
00:48:04.520 --> 00:48:07.520
And my kids should have a part of it, too.

810
00:48:07.520 --> 00:48:09.720
And those, her kids were grown kids,

811
00:48:09.720 --> 00:48:12.400
and he's like, this is family stuff.

812
00:48:12.400 --> 00:48:14.880
I don't know what you're talking about.

813
00:48:14.880 --> 00:48:16.080
So they was over money?

814
00:48:16.080 --> 00:48:19.000
How long have they been married for?

815
00:48:19.040 --> 00:48:21.560
They were married for about two and a half years.

816
00:48:21.560 --> 00:48:22.800
OK, all right.

817
00:48:22.800 --> 00:48:24.800
So here's the thing, you guys, about people

818
00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:27.680
that get married young and are married for decades of time,

819
00:48:27.680 --> 00:48:29.440
the 26-year marriage.

820
00:48:29.440 --> 00:48:32.080
When those marriages end, if people do not

821
00:48:32.080 --> 00:48:34.480
come into a program like this, they don't do their heart work,

822
00:48:34.480 --> 00:48:37.120
they don't get good therapy, their pendulum

823
00:48:37.120 --> 00:48:39.240
is usually going to swing, OK?

824
00:48:39.240 --> 00:48:41.400
They're usually going to end up in something

825
00:48:41.400 --> 00:48:44.800
unhealthy and pretty fast, which is what we see happening here.

826
00:48:44.800 --> 00:48:45.920
Let me ask you this.

827
00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:47.680
Do you learn anything from these divorces,

828
00:48:47.680 --> 00:48:50.680
and does he throw these women under the bus?

829
00:48:50.680 --> 00:48:52.240
Does he talk about them derogatorily?

830
00:48:52.240 --> 00:48:54.040
I don't feel like you would allow him to do that,

831
00:48:54.040 --> 00:48:56.480
because you're too healthy for that, but what do we got?

832
00:48:56.480 --> 00:48:59.440
He doesn't, and he's, the first time

833
00:48:59.440 --> 00:49:02.040
he was telling me about this, he calls

834
00:49:02.040 --> 00:49:04.240
the mother of his children her name, Teresa,

835
00:49:04.240 --> 00:49:06.200
but then he said two and three.

836
00:49:06.200 --> 00:49:07.680
And I said, you know what, Clayton?

837
00:49:07.680 --> 00:49:10.440
You love these women, so that's not their names.

838
00:49:10.440 --> 00:49:11.760
What are their names?

839
00:49:11.760 --> 00:49:13.440
So I called him out on it.

840
00:49:13.440 --> 00:49:15.600
OK, and how did he respond to that?

841
00:49:15.600 --> 00:49:16.320
Yes, ma'am.

842
00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:18.920
OK, and he calls them by, he's, you know,

843
00:49:18.920 --> 00:49:20.720
it's not like we're talking about him all the time,

844
00:49:20.720 --> 00:49:22.280
but he doesn't do that.

845
00:49:22.280 --> 00:49:25.120
Yeah, but I will tell you that the two and three,

846
00:49:25.120 --> 00:49:29.000
the reason why he's saying that is because he's ashamed.

847
00:49:29.000 --> 00:49:31.400
Oh, he is, yes.

848
00:49:31.400 --> 00:49:32.520
Yes, he's ashamed.

849
00:49:32.520 --> 00:49:35.360
So that's why he's making that such generalization,

850
00:49:35.360 --> 00:49:37.200
not like, you know, making it human,

851
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:39.160
not making it like a real relationship,

852
00:49:39.160 --> 00:49:41.720
because he's ashamed of himself, OK?

853
00:49:41.720 --> 00:49:44.000
So he's ashamed that, you know, that he

854
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.720
has to tell anyone that he's been married three times,

855
00:49:46.720 --> 00:49:49.200
especially since this last one.

856
00:49:49.200 --> 00:49:53.280
Like our second FaceTime, he vomited all over me.

857
00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:56.160
Yeah, yeah, OK.

858
00:49:56.160 --> 00:50:01.120
All right, so you guys, is it?

859
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.320
It's a huge red flag.

860
00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:03.400
No, it's a yellow flag.

861
00:50:03.400 --> 00:50:04.840
And the reason why it's a yellow flag,

862
00:50:04.840 --> 00:50:06.320
everything that we're talking about right now,

863
00:50:06.320 --> 00:50:08.360
is because he seems to be self-aware so far.

864
00:50:08.360 --> 00:50:09.520
She doesn't know him really well.

865
00:50:09.520 --> 00:50:10.480
We're still getting to know him.

866
00:50:10.480 --> 00:50:11.320
This is level two.

867
00:50:11.320 --> 00:50:12.520
This isn't level three.

868
00:50:12.520 --> 00:50:15.160
This isn't her boyfriend, okay?

869
00:50:15.160 --> 00:50:16.880
He likes what he sees and he's good

870
00:50:16.880 --> 00:50:20.780
because Stacey V, Stacey M V is amazing.

871
00:50:20.780 --> 00:50:22.560
And of course he likes her.

872
00:50:22.560 --> 00:50:25.320
But he's traveling to her, okay?

873
00:50:25.320 --> 00:50:27.480
He is open to correction.

874
00:50:27.520 --> 00:50:32.200
He is not saying a whole bunch of derogatory things,

875
00:50:32.200 --> 00:50:34.840
throwing people under the bus, being the victim,

876
00:50:34.840 --> 00:50:35.880
acting like a narcissist.

877
00:50:35.880 --> 00:50:37.680
He's not doing any of that.

878
00:50:37.680 --> 00:50:39.120
Does he have some heart healing to do?

879
00:50:39.120 --> 00:50:39.960
Yes.

880
00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:41.920
Does he feel ashamed of how his life has turned out

881
00:50:41.920 --> 00:50:43.440
in the area of his relationships?

882
00:50:43.440 --> 00:50:44.640
Yes, he does.

883
00:50:44.640 --> 00:50:46.860
But none of that has to be a deal breaker, y'all,

884
00:50:46.860 --> 00:50:48.720
if he's willing to do the work

885
00:50:48.720 --> 00:50:50.600
and he is willing to continue to pivot.

886
00:50:50.600 --> 00:50:52.560
Now, tell us the good things about him.

887
00:50:53.520 --> 00:50:56.880
Oh, he's, I mean, he's a total gentleman.

888
00:50:56.880 --> 00:50:58.120
I'm attracted to him.

889
00:50:58.120 --> 00:51:00.120
He's totally buff.

890
00:51:00.120 --> 00:51:05.040
He is involved in his church

891
00:51:05.040 --> 00:51:09.480
in the Flower Mound area by Denton for like 10 years.

892
00:51:09.480 --> 00:51:14.480
He serves, he tithes, he's very good.

893
00:51:14.480 --> 00:51:16.760
And in the midst of all this, Jackie,

894
00:51:16.760 --> 00:51:20.440
his dad died like two days after we talked.

895
00:51:20.440 --> 00:51:23.720
Now, his dad was on that transition,

896
00:51:23.720 --> 00:51:26.480
but within that time,

897
00:51:26.480 --> 00:51:29.160
and I'm just gonna just shout out to the ladies right now,

898
00:51:29.160 --> 00:51:31.440
within that time, he was still in touch.

899
00:51:31.440 --> 00:51:34.460
And like Jackie says, when a man wants to, he will.

900
00:51:36.600 --> 00:51:37.440
Yep.

901
00:51:37.440 --> 00:51:39.840
If a man wants to, he will, that's for sure.

902
00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:41.320
Okay, so here's the thing.

903
00:51:41.320 --> 00:51:43.720
I think that there's two things going on here.

904
00:51:43.720 --> 00:51:46.880
I think that he has some anxious attachment for sure.

905
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:48.600
I don't think that he has shown good discernment

906
00:51:48.600 --> 00:51:51.040
in the past with wife number two and three.

907
00:51:51.040 --> 00:51:53.480
I'm gonna call them that because I don't know their names.

908
00:51:54.160 --> 00:51:55.400
I don't think he's shown good discernment.

909
00:51:55.400 --> 00:51:57.960
I think he's also ashamed because he is a Christian man.

910
00:51:57.960 --> 00:51:59.600
He's been serving at his church for a long time.

911
00:51:59.600 --> 00:52:02.560
He doesn't wanna have this reputation, okay?

912
00:52:02.560 --> 00:52:06.200
And then thirdly, I think that we don't know him well enough

913
00:52:06.200 --> 00:52:08.160
to make any judgments right now.

914
00:52:08.160 --> 00:52:10.480
If you enjoy his company and he is,

915
00:52:11.760 --> 00:52:13.040
I hate to use the word pursuing,

916
00:52:13.040 --> 00:52:16.920
but if he is leading an intention towards you

917
00:52:16.920 --> 00:52:19.480
and you want to keep seeing him, you keep seeing him.

918
00:52:19.480 --> 00:52:20.640
I think on the other hand,

919
00:52:20.640 --> 00:52:21.560
the other thing that's happening

920
00:52:21.560 --> 00:52:24.960
is you are not used to someone who is intentional.

921
00:52:24.960 --> 00:52:27.880
All the men that I've ever known you in this program

922
00:52:27.880 --> 00:52:31.160
to be talking to are men that are very wishy-washy.

923
00:52:31.160 --> 00:52:33.680
They're not intentional about their feelings towards you.

924
00:52:33.680 --> 00:52:35.600
In fact, a lot of them were just situationships.

925
00:52:35.600 --> 00:52:38.240
We didn't know if they liked you like that or not.

926
00:52:38.240 --> 00:52:39.960
And you're just not used to someone

927
00:52:39.960 --> 00:52:43.400
just being really upfront about their attraction.

928
00:52:44.360 --> 00:52:45.320
That is correct.

929
00:52:45.320 --> 00:52:48.920
And he tells me, Stacy, I'm crazy about you.

930
00:52:48.920 --> 00:52:50.680
You're an amazing woman.

931
00:52:50.680 --> 00:52:52.200
You are an amazing woman.

932
00:52:52.200 --> 00:52:55.560
I mean, we wanna make sure that he's crazy about you

933
00:52:55.560 --> 00:52:56.560
and not just crazy.

934
00:52:56.560 --> 00:53:00.840
So we're gonna have to paste it a little bit here.

935
00:53:00.840 --> 00:53:03.640
But so far, and you guys, I know you're like,

936
00:53:03.640 --> 00:53:05.360
but Jackie, he's been married three times.

937
00:53:05.360 --> 00:53:07.640
You guys, people make mistakes when they don't have,

938
00:53:07.640 --> 00:53:11.320
they'll rebound with no new healing and no new information.

939
00:53:11.320 --> 00:53:12.720
And it's gonna end up the same way

940
00:53:12.720 --> 00:53:14.800
over and over and over again.

941
00:53:14.800 --> 00:53:16.640
I was talking to one of my favorite students.

942
00:53:16.640 --> 00:53:18.480
I love her, she's got a good heart.

943
00:53:18.480 --> 00:53:21.320
But in the time that I've known her,

944
00:53:21.320 --> 00:53:23.880
she, in the time that I've known her, y'all,

945
00:53:23.880 --> 00:53:26.880
she has been divorced twice.

946
00:53:26.880 --> 00:53:31.080
She's been married and divorced twice in this program.

947
00:53:31.080 --> 00:53:32.480
So she was divorced already

948
00:53:32.480 --> 00:53:34.160
and then she got remarried and got divorced

949
00:53:34.160 --> 00:53:35.600
and she got remarried and got divorced

950
00:53:35.600 --> 00:53:39.320
because she was not doing the work.

951
00:53:41.320 --> 00:53:42.320
Wasn't.

952
00:53:42.320 --> 00:53:47.320
And he did tell me, he's like, Stacy, you just make me think.

953
00:53:47.480 --> 00:53:49.600
I mean, I can't even believe the things that you say.

954
00:53:49.600 --> 00:53:52.200
And I'm just thinking to myself, oh my gosh.

955
00:53:52.200 --> 00:53:56.960
Like I asked him, I said, hasn't anyone ever told you

956
00:53:56.960 --> 00:53:59.760
like that, like Clayton, that makes me uncomfortable

957
00:53:59.760 --> 00:54:01.080
or this, that, or the other thing?

958
00:54:01.080 --> 00:54:02.360
He goes, no.

959
00:54:04.120 --> 00:54:08.680
So he hasn't had anybody try to resolve conflict with him

960
00:54:08.680 --> 00:54:09.880
or confront him.

961
00:54:09.880 --> 00:54:12.360
And then, I mean, I did.

962
00:54:12.360 --> 00:54:15.360
And he was like super receptive.

963
00:54:16.200 --> 00:54:17.520
Yeah.

964
00:54:17.520 --> 00:54:19.400
Yeah, that's great.

965
00:54:19.400 --> 00:54:20.360
I think that that's great.

966
00:54:20.360 --> 00:54:21.240
And once again, you guys,

967
00:54:21.240 --> 00:54:22.800
that's what turns yellow flags green

968
00:54:22.800 --> 00:54:26.080
is when someone's self-aware, when they're willing to shift,

969
00:54:26.080 --> 00:54:28.280
especially with these older generations of people,

970
00:54:28.280 --> 00:54:29.320
both men and women,

971
00:54:29.320 --> 00:54:33.000
they're used to a different set of dating rules, okay?

972
00:54:33.000 --> 00:54:34.840
Very, very different set of dating rules.

973
00:54:34.840 --> 00:54:36.400
And so we have to remember that.

974
00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:39.040
All dates were romantic in their generation.

975
00:54:39.040 --> 00:54:40.200
You didn't go out with someone.

976
00:54:40.200 --> 00:54:41.760
I mean, if you ask someone out,

977
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:43.960
it's because you were physically

978
00:54:43.960 --> 00:54:45.960
and emotionally attracted to them.

979
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:48.920
You didn't just go on, let's hang out dates.

980
00:54:48.920 --> 00:54:51.240
You didn't go out with strangers most of the time.

981
00:54:51.240 --> 00:54:53.520
And you didn't go out with someone

982
00:54:53.520 --> 00:54:56.320
that you didn't see yourself being romantically with.

983
00:54:56.320 --> 00:54:57.680
That's just not the way it worked.

984
00:54:57.680 --> 00:55:00.240
In fact, the actual definition of a date was.

985
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:01.760
was romance.

986
00:55:01.760 --> 00:55:05.480
So we're dealing with an entirely different set of people.

987
00:55:05.480 --> 00:55:07.560
Most of those people made decisions very quickly

988
00:55:07.560 --> 00:55:08.640
about being together.

989
00:55:08.640 --> 00:55:11.100
They didn't wait for years and years and years

990
00:55:11.100 --> 00:55:13.280
to decide whether or not they wanted to be

991
00:55:13.280 --> 00:55:14.600
with someone or not.

992
00:55:14.600 --> 00:55:16.200
They just kind of threw it against the wall

993
00:55:16.200 --> 00:55:17.120
and see what sticks.

994
00:55:17.120 --> 00:55:19.400
And that is a whole different situation.

995
00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:20.800
And I did tell him, I said,

996
00:55:20.800 --> 00:55:24.960
Clayton, face this on a friendship foundation.

997
00:55:26.200 --> 00:55:27.520
What did he say?

998
00:55:27.560 --> 00:55:30.080
He said, I have never done that before,

999
00:55:30.080 --> 00:55:31.640
but I am open to it.

1000
00:55:32.640 --> 00:55:34.360
Good. All right.

1001
00:55:34.360 --> 00:55:36.160
So we're just going to continue to,

1002
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:37.520
what does everyone say?

1003
00:55:37.520 --> 00:55:41.640
It's a yes until it's a no with Clayton.

1004
00:55:41.640 --> 00:55:43.520
I am having, I'm having a great time though.

1005
00:55:43.520 --> 00:55:44.480
He is a blast.

1006
00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:45.560
He makes me laugh.

1007
00:55:45.560 --> 00:55:48.080
He's so, he's great.

1008
00:55:48.080 --> 00:55:50.660
And I just want to let you know something, Miss Stacey,

1009
00:55:50.660 --> 00:55:53.880
is that Jackie Dorman lives in your city

1010
00:55:53.880 --> 00:55:58.160
and having a little double date with me and David,

1011
00:55:58.160 --> 00:56:01.400
maybe it will be what we should do

1012
00:56:01.400 --> 00:56:04.220
so that I can get a closeup look at Mr. Clayton.

1013
00:56:06.520 --> 00:56:11.520
In the next couple of months, I will send you a DM.

1014
00:56:11.520 --> 00:56:12.760
Yes, we'll get that done.

1015
00:56:12.760 --> 00:56:14.320
And I won't be at home for a couple of months.

1016
00:56:14.320 --> 00:56:15.880
So it's perfect.

1017
00:56:15.880 --> 00:56:16.720
All right.

1018
00:56:16.720 --> 00:56:17.760
It's a yes until it's a no.

1019
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:19.480
And I don't think that you're being love bombed.

1020
00:56:19.480 --> 00:56:20.880
Nothing that you've talked about.

1021
00:56:21.800 --> 00:56:24.000
That's just someone who is, you know,

1022
00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:25.160
likes words of affirmation.

1023
00:56:25.160 --> 00:56:27.200
They're definitely going to want words of affirmation back.

1024
00:56:27.200 --> 00:56:29.240
That's probably what ended his first marriage

1025
00:56:29.240 --> 00:56:32.320
is he felt like his first wife just lost interest.

1026
00:56:32.320 --> 00:56:33.840
She wasn't in love with him anymore.

1027
00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:34.940
She had grown cold to him.

1028
00:56:34.940 --> 00:56:36.000
They had grown apart.

1029
00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:38.640
He wasn't getting his little emotional bucket filled.

1030
00:56:40.520 --> 00:56:41.440
Okay.

1031
00:56:41.440 --> 00:56:42.280
Okay.

1032
00:56:42.280 --> 00:56:43.120
All right.

1033
00:56:43.120 --> 00:56:45.360
Everyone's like, I want to double date with you.

1034
00:56:45.360 --> 00:56:46.800
If I'm in your city,

1035
00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:49.040
I will come and take a good look at the guy or girl

1036
00:56:49.040 --> 00:56:50.160
that you're dating.

1037
00:56:50.200 --> 00:56:51.840
Don't think I won't because I will.

1038
00:56:51.840 --> 00:56:52.680
Okay.

1039
00:56:52.680 --> 00:56:53.520
Thanks.

1040
00:56:53.520 --> 00:56:54.400
Thank you, Jackie.

1041
00:56:54.400 --> 00:56:55.240
You're welcome.

1042
00:56:55.240 --> 00:56:56.080
All right.

1043
00:56:56.080 --> 00:56:57.240
We're going to go with Eunice.

1044
00:56:59.800 --> 00:57:02.320
I think someone else has had their hand up first.

1045
00:57:03.240 --> 00:57:06.360
I'm just going out here for me.

1046
00:57:06.360 --> 00:57:08.240
Just let's make these short, brief and powerful

1047
00:57:08.240 --> 00:57:09.200
and everyone will get a turn.

1048
00:57:09.200 --> 00:57:10.040
Go ahead.

1049
00:57:11.080 --> 00:57:13.880
I just want to say like, I kind of identify with Julie.

1050
00:57:13.880 --> 00:57:17.760
I'm with a guy who is very close to his family.

1051
00:57:17.800 --> 00:57:21.760
And actually I ended up moving to where he lives.

1052
00:57:21.760 --> 00:57:24.160
I'm from Arizona.

1053
00:57:24.160 --> 00:57:26.840
I moved to California like two months ago.

1054
00:57:27.880 --> 00:57:30.200
We are marriage minded and everything like that.

1055
00:57:30.200 --> 00:57:33.280
It's just, we've been kind of stuck on pre-marital

1056
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:35.920
counseling because I grew up in church

1057
00:57:35.920 --> 00:57:39.400
and we always had pre-marital counseling with couples

1058
00:57:39.400 --> 00:57:44.160
and his church, they don't have that option.

1059
00:57:45.120 --> 00:57:47.280
So I even like gave him like,

1060
00:57:47.280 --> 00:57:51.480
oh, I know this other couple that I knew for years,

1061
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:54.440
they're ordained pastors.

1062
00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:56.560
They live in Florida right now.

1063
00:57:56.560 --> 00:58:00.560
And they do pre-marital counseling and stuff like that.

1064
00:58:00.560 --> 00:58:02.760
So I was like, hey, if we can do that

1065
00:58:02.760 --> 00:58:07.040
because he's really strongly wants his pastor to marry us.

1066
00:58:08.280 --> 00:58:11.880
So I was like, I don't know any other options.

1067
00:58:11.920 --> 00:58:13.680
So I'm just kind of asking like,

1068
00:58:13.680 --> 00:58:16.840
what is some other scenarios that you have seen?

1069
00:58:18.000 --> 00:58:20.320
Do you not know that we have Simbis?

1070
00:58:20.320 --> 00:58:21.280
Yes.

1071
00:58:21.280 --> 00:58:23.200
And it's taught by a couple.

1072
00:58:23.200 --> 00:58:24.280
Yes.

1073
00:58:24.280 --> 00:58:27.240
Which the couple is, they're using Simbis.

1074
00:58:28.080 --> 00:58:32.560
So I floated around like, hey,

1075
00:58:32.560 --> 00:58:34.200
maybe we'll do the couple first

1076
00:58:34.200 --> 00:58:36.640
since you want your pastor to marry us.

1077
00:58:36.640 --> 00:58:39.360
And he has to rule like he won't marry us

1078
00:58:39.360 --> 00:58:42.400
unless he does pre-marital counseling.

1079
00:58:42.400 --> 00:58:45.480
He has his own pre-marital counseling course

1080
00:58:45.480 --> 00:58:47.560
that he created or something like that.

1081
00:58:49.000 --> 00:58:50.120
So that was that.

1082
00:58:50.120 --> 00:58:51.760
So basically we will be going through

1083
00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:54.360
two pre-marital counselings.

1084
00:58:54.360 --> 00:58:55.680
That's great.

1085
00:58:55.680 --> 00:58:58.560
So I was just like, is there any other scenarios

1086
00:58:58.560 --> 00:58:59.480
or whatever?

1087
00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:02.640
Those are options I thought of

1088
00:59:02.640 --> 00:59:04.800
because I'm pretty new at this.

1089
00:59:04.800 --> 00:59:09.720
This is my first exclusive relationship.

1090
00:59:09.720 --> 00:59:12.160
How long were you guys together before you moved?

1091
00:59:13.280 --> 00:59:18.280
We were exclusive since October.

1092
00:59:19.360 --> 00:59:22.120
I moved mid-March.

1093
00:59:24.280 --> 00:59:25.120
Yeah.

1094
00:59:25.120 --> 00:59:27.920
October, November, December, January, February, March.

1095
00:59:27.920 --> 00:59:29.280
So about six months.

1096
00:59:29.280 --> 00:59:30.120
Yes.

1097
00:59:30.120 --> 00:59:30.960
Okay.

1098
00:59:30.960 --> 00:59:32.640
Six months, you moved.

1099
00:59:32.640 --> 00:59:34.880
I mean, I know Arizona and California are pretty close,

1100
00:59:34.880 --> 00:59:35.920
but what part of California,

1101
00:59:35.920 --> 00:59:39.080
like how far did you move from?

1102
00:59:40.040 --> 00:59:42.960
He lived close to LAX.

1103
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:45.920
So it was probably like five or six hours.

1104
00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:46.760
Okay.

1105
00:59:46.760 --> 00:59:48.600
And is your family in Arizona?

1106
00:59:48.600 --> 00:59:50.240
No, my family is all over.

1107
00:59:50.240 --> 00:59:52.040
We just spread out all over.

1108
00:59:52.040 --> 00:59:52.880
Okay.

1109
00:59:52.880 --> 00:59:54.800
And how long had you lived in Arizona?

1110
00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:56.520
Did you have a solid community there?

1111
00:59:56.520 --> 00:59:58.480
Yeah, 20 years.

1112
00:59:58.480 --> 00:59:59.320
Okay.

1113
00:59:59.320 --> 01:00:00.640
What did people think about you moving?

1114
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:02.800
moving for someone you met six months ago?

1115
01:00:02.800 --> 01:00:04.720
My friends was on board.

1116
01:00:04.720 --> 01:00:05.600
Everyone's on board.

1117
01:00:05.600 --> 01:00:07.920
They were like, they're excited that I met someone.

1118
01:00:07.920 --> 01:00:11.320
I told them the situation.

1119
01:00:11.320 --> 01:00:14.680
The only people that weren't really excited

1120
01:00:14.680 --> 01:00:20.800
was my aunt, which I call my mom, and my sister.

1121
01:00:20.800 --> 01:00:22.400
Have they met him?

1122
01:00:22.400 --> 01:00:24.200
Via Zoom.

1123
01:00:24.200 --> 01:00:26.600
OK, so it's important.

1124
01:00:26.600 --> 01:00:29.000
And when do you, are you engaged yet?

1125
01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:33.720
No, we're doing, where he's thinking

1126
01:00:33.720 --> 01:00:35.800
he wants to do premarital counseling

1127
01:00:35.800 --> 01:00:39.360
before he pops the question.

1128
01:00:39.360 --> 01:00:43.600
OK, and so where does your aunt and your sister,

1129
01:00:43.600 --> 01:00:45.240
where do they live?

1130
01:00:45.240 --> 01:00:47.560
My sister lives in Fort Worth, Texas,

1131
01:00:47.560 --> 01:00:51.720
and my aunt lives in Rochester, New York.

1132
01:00:51.720 --> 01:00:57.960
And we're looking on to going to see them in July,

1133
01:00:57.960 --> 01:00:59.880
because I can't, yeah.

1134
01:00:59.880 --> 01:01:01.120
Good, awesome.

1135
01:01:01.120 --> 01:01:03.400
Well, it sounds to me like you're pacing this well.

1136
01:01:03.400 --> 01:01:04.760
I mean, you moved pretty quick.

1137
01:01:04.760 --> 01:01:09.040
But it sounds, other than that, taking the course

1138
01:01:09.040 --> 01:01:11.720
with his pastor, regardless of whether you know him

1139
01:01:11.720 --> 01:01:12.960
or like him, it doesn't matter.

1140
01:01:12.960 --> 01:01:15.280
And then if you're taking something with someone

1141
01:01:15.280 --> 01:01:17.160
that he likes and someone he trusts,

1142
01:01:17.160 --> 01:01:18.840
then let's do something with someone

1143
01:01:18.840 --> 01:01:21.680
that you like and trust as well, OK?

1144
01:01:21.680 --> 01:01:24.800
And so that way, because people have a tendency

1145
01:01:24.840 --> 01:01:28.840
to overlook things with people that they know, right?

1146
01:01:28.840 --> 01:01:30.760
You want someone who's really going to call stuff out

1147
01:01:30.760 --> 01:01:31.520
if they see it.

1148
01:01:31.520 --> 01:01:36.520
And his pastor is not likely to do that with him.

1149
01:01:36.520 --> 01:01:37.480
With you, he might.

1150
01:01:37.480 --> 01:01:40.560
But with him, he's not going to, because he

1151
01:01:40.560 --> 01:01:43.400
has a version of him in his mind that is already

1152
01:01:43.400 --> 01:01:45.840
good and safe and healthy.

1153
01:01:45.840 --> 01:01:49.640
So that's why you want someone who also either doesn't know

1154
01:01:49.640 --> 01:01:51.440
either one of you and is willing to call out

1155
01:01:51.440 --> 01:01:54.000
what they see, which is why I love our Symbists.

1156
01:01:54.040 --> 01:01:56.680
But also someone who's just, you know,

1157
01:01:56.680 --> 01:01:58.640
not afraid to tell you the truth,

1158
01:01:58.640 --> 01:02:00.760
not just kind of try to spare your feelings

1159
01:02:00.760 --> 01:02:04.080
by telling you what you want to see or what you want to hear,

1160
01:02:04.080 --> 01:02:05.400
OK?

1161
01:02:05.400 --> 01:02:06.760
So, OK.

1162
01:02:06.760 --> 01:02:07.960
So yeah, that's what I would do.

1163
01:02:07.960 --> 01:02:10.720
I would definitely do some, you do the Symbists,

1164
01:02:10.720 --> 01:02:13.080
do the thing with his pastor, the course,

1165
01:02:13.080 --> 01:02:14.680
because he wants to and he wants,

1166
01:02:14.680 --> 01:02:17.480
and if that's the criteria for him marrying you guys,

1167
01:02:17.480 --> 01:02:18.600
then all right.

1168
01:02:18.600 --> 01:02:20.720
But make sure that you do another one with someone

1169
01:02:20.720 --> 01:02:22.840
that you trust the opinion of, OK?

1170
01:02:22.840 --> 01:02:25.480
Let them have a close personal look at him as well.

1171
01:02:25.480 --> 01:02:28.840
And then, you know, your family is afraid for you,

1172
01:02:28.840 --> 01:02:30.720
but after they meet him in person,

1173
01:02:30.720 --> 01:02:32.800
you know, let's see what they think then.

1174
01:02:32.800 --> 01:02:33.520
OK.

1175
01:02:33.520 --> 01:02:34.640
All right?

1176
01:02:34.640 --> 01:02:35.960
All right, Eunice, thanks for showing up.

1177
01:02:35.960 --> 01:02:37.760
And stay close in community.

1178
01:02:37.760 --> 01:02:39.440
And make sure anything that seems off,

1179
01:02:39.440 --> 01:02:41.160
you're posting it in the group so

1180
01:02:41.160 --> 01:02:44.200
that the peer coaches and the coaches, we can weigh in on it.

1181
01:02:44.200 --> 01:02:45.160
That's why you're here.

1182
01:02:45.160 --> 01:02:47.480
This is part of your God defense system.

1183
01:02:47.480 --> 01:02:49.000
Yes.

1184
01:02:49.000 --> 01:02:50.120
Glad to be here.

1185
01:02:50.120 --> 01:02:51.880
Yes, glad you're here.

1186
01:02:51.880 --> 01:02:52.680
OK, all right.

1187
01:02:53.520 --> 01:02:57.320
Next up, Anne-Marie, you guys, let me see what time it is.

1188
01:02:57.320 --> 01:02:58.920
We're going to make these faster.

1189
01:02:58.920 --> 01:03:01.800
So we need, like, 120 seconds of backstory,

1190
01:03:01.800 --> 01:03:04.520
and then I'll give you my opinion.

1191
01:03:04.520 --> 01:03:08.600
OK, so I posted this guy on Facebook about three weeks ago

1192
01:03:08.600 --> 01:03:10.160
when I overlooked at his profile.

1193
01:03:10.160 --> 01:03:12.600
His picture, his muscles stood out

1194
01:03:12.600 --> 01:03:14.560
for his clothes in the picture.

1195
01:03:14.560 --> 01:03:18.240
And to send a friend a request, he messaged back.

1196
01:03:18.240 --> 01:03:19.880
Long story short, we've been texting.

1197
01:03:19.880 --> 01:03:22.880
It turns out he's a pastor up in Washington,

1198
01:03:22.880 --> 01:03:26.080
about five hours away.

1199
01:03:26.080 --> 01:03:28.800
And I've been listening to his sermons.

1200
01:03:28.800 --> 01:03:32.560
He's done this relationship series.

1201
01:03:32.560 --> 01:03:35.040
He was divorced about 10 years ago.

1202
01:03:35.040 --> 01:03:37.560
But he works out.

1203
01:03:37.560 --> 01:03:38.640
He's got huge muscles.

1204
01:03:38.640 --> 01:03:42.520
He used to be, like, Mr. Iron Man.

1205
01:03:42.520 --> 01:03:44.480
And we haven't actually met in person.

1206
01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:47.680
He's been a little hesitant to pop on a couple of video calls.

1207
01:03:47.720 --> 01:03:49.960
He just doesn't believe in dating sites.

1208
01:03:49.960 --> 01:03:53.920
And I think I tagged him on one of your posts

1209
01:03:53.920 --> 01:03:56.720
at one time just to try to get him

1210
01:03:56.720 --> 01:04:00.640
to look into our community.

1211
01:04:00.640 --> 01:04:04.160
He seems pretty old-fashioned.

1212
01:04:04.160 --> 01:04:06.560
And then didn't want to hop on the video calls

1213
01:04:06.560 --> 01:04:09.360
that he feels like he has to perform on it.

1214
01:04:09.360 --> 01:04:10.760
OK, so let me ask you a question.

1215
01:04:10.760 --> 01:04:11.800
I just want to stop you there real quick,

1216
01:04:11.800 --> 01:04:15.280
because I want to get clarity about what I'm hearing, OK?

1217
01:04:15.280 --> 01:04:16.920
So you said that you met him.

1218
01:04:16.920 --> 01:04:18.280
He sent you a friend request.

1219
01:04:18.280 --> 01:04:22.000
His picture is, you know, a real buff guy.

1220
01:04:22.000 --> 01:04:23.280
And, you know, he-

1221
01:04:23.280 --> 01:04:23.880
Not just buff.

1222
01:04:23.880 --> 01:04:25.120
He's, like, ripped.

1223
01:04:25.120 --> 01:04:29.440
OK, a real fit guy, really ripped guy.

1224
01:04:29.440 --> 01:04:31.280
And then he is a pastor.

1225
01:04:31.280 --> 01:04:35.640
And he does sermons.

1226
01:04:35.640 --> 01:04:38.040
And so I'm assuming he sent you links to his sermons

1227
01:04:38.040 --> 01:04:39.680
or you went to YouTube or whatever.

1228
01:04:39.680 --> 01:04:40.680
You Googled him.

1229
01:04:40.680 --> 01:04:42.120
You found his sermons.

1230
01:04:42.120 --> 01:04:44.440
But this is what I want clarity on.

1231
01:04:44.480 --> 01:04:48.840
You've talked to him on the phone, voice call,

1232
01:04:48.840 --> 01:04:50.960
or just texting?

1233
01:04:50.960 --> 01:04:54.240
Texting, and I did have one conversation a few days ago.

1234
01:04:54.240 --> 01:04:56.280
It wasn't very clear, but he was supposed

1235
01:04:56.280 --> 01:04:59.160
to call me Sunday night after his sermon.

1236
01:04:59.160 --> 01:05:00.080
He didn't want to be-

1237
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.240
be distracted with the preparation, which I respect it.

1238
01:05:04.240 --> 01:05:07.760
All right, he's a scam, okay?

1239
01:05:07.760 --> 01:05:08.960
It's a real person,

1240
01:05:08.960 --> 01:05:11.960
but you're not talking to that real person.

1241
01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:16.800
It's someone who's hijacked his name, his avatar, someone.

1242
01:05:16.800 --> 01:05:19.000
Okay, so here's best case scenario.

1243
01:05:19.000 --> 01:05:21.760
Best case scenario is he's a scam,

1244
01:05:21.760 --> 01:05:24.880
and they're just pretending to be this public figure,

1245
01:05:24.880 --> 01:05:26.740
this pastor, whoever.

1246
01:05:26.740 --> 01:05:28.520
That's why they're not gonna get on video calls.

1247
01:05:28.520 --> 01:05:31.440
That's not why you're not gonna talk to him on the phone.

1248
01:05:31.440 --> 01:05:35.560
And worst case scenario is it is the real person,

1249
01:05:35.560 --> 01:05:37.480
but they're hiding something.

1250
01:05:37.480 --> 01:05:39.200
But I really think it's a scammer.

1251
01:05:39.200 --> 01:05:40.960
And you guys, you have to understand this.

1252
01:05:40.960 --> 01:05:43.920
These people hijack people's profiles all the time.

1253
01:05:43.920 --> 01:05:45.440
There's probably a fake account out there

1254
01:05:45.440 --> 01:05:47.760
pretending to be me, okay?

1255
01:05:47.760 --> 01:05:50.240
And so I'm just gonna tell you

1256
01:05:50.240 --> 01:05:51.880
that's what I think about this person.

1257
01:05:51.880 --> 01:05:53.880
I think that they're not real.

1258
01:05:53.880 --> 01:05:56.000
Even with Sunday sermons,

1259
01:05:56.000 --> 01:05:59.320
like every week that he's doing Facebook Lives with them.

1260
01:05:59.320 --> 01:06:02.520
Of course, because that's not who you're talking to, though.

1261
01:06:03.920 --> 01:06:05.880
The voice on the phone was the same

1262
01:06:05.880 --> 01:06:08.720
as what I've heard in the sermons, though.

1263
01:06:08.720 --> 01:06:12.720
Okay, how long did you talk on the phone for?

1264
01:06:12.720 --> 01:06:15.120
Because you just said that they didn't wanna talk.

1265
01:06:16.100 --> 01:06:16.940
Well, they didn't wanna,

1266
01:06:16.940 --> 01:06:19.600
we had a second phone call set up for Sunday nights,

1267
01:06:19.600 --> 01:06:20.960
and it ended up not happening.

1268
01:06:20.960 --> 01:06:22.360
I had a phone call come from my mom,

1269
01:06:22.360 --> 01:06:23.440
and then I waited for him.

1270
01:06:23.440 --> 01:06:24.800
How much did the first phone call,

1271
01:06:24.800 --> 01:06:26.560
how long was that phone call for?

1272
01:06:28.360 --> 01:06:32.720
Let me see here, 40 minutes.

1273
01:06:32.720 --> 01:06:35.360
Okay, and you think that that person

1274
01:06:35.360 --> 01:06:37.600
was the person that you were talking to?

1275
01:06:38.880 --> 01:06:40.160
Yeah, yeah.

1276
01:06:41.240 --> 01:06:42.880
That's just some weird things.

1277
01:06:42.880 --> 01:06:45.440
I would have thought his pastor would be more conservative.

1278
01:06:45.440 --> 01:06:47.400
I mean, he's already kind of put on the table

1279
01:06:47.400 --> 01:06:50.760
hints of like snuggling and saying I'm beautiful.

1280
01:06:50.760 --> 01:06:53.840
I'm just telling you that this person is up to no good.

1281
01:06:54.720 --> 01:06:57.320
They may, like I said, worst case scenario

1282
01:06:57.320 --> 01:06:59.560
is that they really are that person,

1283
01:06:59.560 --> 01:07:02.100
but they're still like hiding something and up to no good.

1284
01:07:02.100 --> 01:07:04.280
The whole thing stinks, honey.

1285
01:07:04.280 --> 01:07:06.680
So if I were you, I would bless them and block them.

1286
01:07:06.680 --> 01:07:07.520
I would block them.

1287
01:07:07.520 --> 01:07:08.720
I would not say another thing to them.

1288
01:07:08.720 --> 01:07:10.080
I would just block them.

1289
01:07:11.640 --> 01:07:14.240
Ladies and gentlemen, please do not get out here

1290
01:07:14.240 --> 01:07:17.560
and get desperate enough to be involved with people

1291
01:07:17.560 --> 01:07:20.240
who, number one, are not who they say they are,

1292
01:07:20.240 --> 01:07:23.720
or number two, they may be who you think they are,

1293
01:07:24.560 --> 01:07:25.600
but they're just up to no good.

1294
01:07:25.600 --> 01:07:28.000
You know, anyone who doesn't wanna have video calls

1295
01:07:28.000 --> 01:07:29.240
with you is up to no good.

1296
01:07:29.240 --> 01:07:30.360
They don't wanna have video calls,

1297
01:07:30.360 --> 01:07:31.920
not because they don't wanna be distracted,

1298
01:07:31.920 --> 01:07:34.600
because they don't want you to see them for some reason.

1299
01:07:34.600 --> 01:07:35.440
Okay?

1300
01:07:35.440 --> 01:07:36.280
Let's not be naive.

1301
01:07:36.280 --> 01:07:37.280
Well, he was willing to just for me.

1302
01:07:37.280 --> 01:07:38.840
He was willing to that night,

1303
01:07:38.840 --> 01:07:40.200
but then he thought I was gonna call him.

1304
01:07:40.200 --> 01:07:42.600
I waited around for him, and then he just kind of-

1305
01:07:42.600 --> 01:07:43.960
Of course he was willing.

1306
01:07:43.960 --> 01:07:47.260
He was willing to do something that never happened.

1307
01:07:47.260 --> 01:07:48.900
Of course people will say that they're willing

1308
01:07:48.900 --> 01:07:50.960
to do something that never happens.

1309
01:07:50.960 --> 01:07:52.600
Do you see what I'm saying?

1310
01:07:52.600 --> 01:07:53.440
Yeah.

1311
01:07:54.440 --> 01:07:55.280
Okay, thank you.

1312
01:07:56.520 --> 01:07:57.520
I'm sorry.

1313
01:07:57.520 --> 01:07:59.320
And I know you guys that we want,

1314
01:07:59.320 --> 01:08:02.280
I know that we wanna believe what we wanna believe,

1315
01:08:02.280 --> 01:08:03.240
and I just wanna let you guys know

1316
01:08:03.240 --> 01:08:06.300
that that's how being scammed happens.

1317
01:08:06.300 --> 01:08:08.200
And once again, even if she's not being scammed,

1318
01:08:08.200 --> 01:08:09.480
even if this is a real person,

1319
01:08:09.480 --> 01:08:11.040
he's already talking to her.

1320
01:08:11.040 --> 01:08:14.680
He's only had one brief phone conversation with her

1321
01:08:14.680 --> 01:08:18.100
and texting, and he's already talking in sexual talk.

1322
01:08:19.040 --> 01:08:20.200
I wanna snuggle you.

1323
01:08:20.399 --> 01:08:24.000
I wanna, what is, is he a pastor?

1324
01:08:24.000 --> 01:08:25.840
Because that's a huge red flag.

1325
01:08:25.840 --> 01:08:28.800
You guys, I talked to a private coaching client today,

1326
01:08:28.800 --> 01:08:30.160
and she showed me the receipts.

1327
01:08:30.160 --> 01:08:32.200
You guys know what receipts are, right?

1328
01:08:32.200 --> 01:08:35.160
Those are the text messages that you had going back

1329
01:08:35.160 --> 01:08:39.000
and forth with someone either on an app or on your phone.

1330
01:08:39.000 --> 01:08:40.720
And she told me that, you know,

1331
01:08:40.720 --> 01:08:43.060
the coaching that we've been doing is really working

1332
01:08:43.060 --> 01:08:46.399
because she used to have poor boundaries,

1333
01:08:46.399 --> 01:08:48.460
and she used to let a lot of things slide,

1334
01:08:48.460 --> 01:08:50.540
like our beautiful Ann Marie here,

1335
01:08:50.540 --> 01:08:52.660
just like giving people the benefit of the doubt

1336
01:08:52.660 --> 01:08:54.779
way too often.

1337
01:08:54.779 --> 01:08:57.020
Okay, that's what she used to be like.

1338
01:08:57.020 --> 01:08:58.540
And she wanted me to be proud of her

1339
01:08:58.540 --> 01:09:01.680
and see the receipts of her talking to a worship pastor

1340
01:09:01.680 --> 01:09:04.760
that she had met, that had found her in some singles group

1341
01:09:04.760 --> 01:09:07.060
and had requested her as a friend on Facebook

1342
01:09:07.060 --> 01:09:09.420
and then jumped into her DMs with,

1343
01:09:09.420 --> 01:09:11.660
hey, how are you, all the things.

1344
01:09:11.660 --> 01:09:13.859
And she showed me the receipts.

1345
01:09:13.859 --> 01:09:16.420
And you guys, the conversation started out normal.

1346
01:09:16.420 --> 01:09:17.979
I'm a worship pastor, oh yeah.

1347
01:09:18.500 --> 01:09:19.420
And then she, like Ann Marie,

1348
01:09:19.420 --> 01:09:22.859
she looked up some of this guy's, you know, music

1349
01:09:22.859 --> 01:09:24.340
and it was really powerful.

1350
01:09:24.340 --> 01:09:26.380
And she watched him playing live at his church.

1351
01:09:26.380 --> 01:09:27.979
And she was like, oh wow.

1352
01:09:27.979 --> 01:09:30.240
You know, that just makes her be like, oh wow,

1353
01:09:30.240 --> 01:09:33.479
this is awesome, can't wait to talk to this guy.

1354
01:09:33.479 --> 01:09:36.500
You know, until he starts asking her if she's a virgin

1355
01:09:36.500 --> 01:09:39.859
and then asking what he can do to her if they get married

1356
01:09:39.859 --> 01:09:42.540
and wanting to talk about what he's gonna do to her body

1357
01:09:42.540 --> 01:09:43.960
when they get married to each other

1358
01:09:43.960 --> 01:09:47.779
within one conversation, y'all, okay?

1359
01:09:48.740 --> 01:09:49.580
And then when she carded him and said,

1360
01:09:49.580 --> 01:09:51.460
hey, I thought you were supposed to be a worship pastor.

1361
01:09:51.460 --> 01:09:55.100
And he's like, oh, too religious for me, bye girl.

1362
01:09:56.820 --> 01:09:57.660
Right?

1363
01:09:57.660 --> 01:09:59.260
And then she did what a lot of women do

1364
01:09:59.260 --> 01:10:00.360
and I don't want any.

1365
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:01.040
of you ladies to do this.

1366
01:10:01.040 --> 01:10:02.400
And gentlemen, if this should happen to you,

1367
01:10:02.400 --> 01:10:03.840
please don't do this either.

1368
01:10:03.840 --> 01:10:07.680
He tried to save him, right?

1369
01:10:07.680 --> 01:10:09.440
Oh, you really shouldn't be acting like this.

1370
01:10:09.440 --> 01:10:10.600
This is really inappropriate.

1371
01:10:10.600 --> 01:10:11.840
You're supposed to be a worship pastor

1372
01:10:11.840 --> 01:10:13.280
and you're so anointed.

1373
01:10:13.280 --> 01:10:15.040
I watched your videos.

1374
01:10:15.040 --> 01:10:17.880
No, bless him and block him.

1375
01:10:17.880 --> 01:10:22.880
Because all he did was start saying derogatory things

1376
01:10:24.320 --> 01:10:26.880
about her and to her, calling her religious

1377
01:10:26.920 --> 01:10:31.000
and saying it's just bad news.

1378
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:33.680
You don't have to bring correction to someone.

1379
01:10:33.680 --> 01:10:38.680
If someone shows up at that level of spiritual maturity,

1380
01:10:39.040 --> 01:10:41.160
at that level of deprivation, okay?

1381
01:10:41.160 --> 01:10:44.640
They're not deprivation.

1382
01:10:44.640 --> 01:10:49.640
If they show up at that level of that, okay?

1383
01:10:50.600 --> 01:10:53.640
Then you believe them.

1384
01:10:53.640 --> 01:10:54.880
You don't try to save them.

1385
01:10:54.880 --> 01:10:56.000
You don't try to fix them.

1386
01:10:56.000 --> 01:10:58.400
You don't try to redeem the situation.

1387
01:10:58.400 --> 01:11:00.560
You just bless them and block them.

1388
01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:01.560
Do you understand?

1389
01:11:02.760 --> 01:11:05.560
Just do that, okay?

1390
01:11:05.560 --> 01:11:08.080
He was recently on a podcast too.

1391
01:11:08.080 --> 01:11:09.840
That was under his Facebook page

1392
01:11:09.840 --> 01:11:11.800
on another divorced Christian ladies.

1393
01:11:11.800 --> 01:11:12.640
And so I heard-

1394
01:11:12.640 --> 01:11:13.760
I mean, you haven't seen his face yet.

1395
01:11:13.760 --> 01:11:15.280
So we don't know that.

1396
01:11:15.280 --> 01:11:18.160
But for some reason, he doesn't want you to see his face.

1397
01:11:18.160 --> 01:11:19.120
Okay?

1398
01:11:19.120 --> 01:11:20.280
And what, yeah.

1399
01:11:20.280 --> 01:11:21.560
And that's another bad thing.

1400
01:11:21.560 --> 01:11:22.800
I mean, if it really is him

1401
01:11:22.800 --> 01:11:24.880
and he's doing the things that you're saying he's doing,

1402
01:11:24.880 --> 01:11:27.280
then he's just out there scamming people.

1403
01:11:27.280 --> 01:11:28.120
I'm not scamming-

1404
01:11:28.120 --> 01:11:30.880
Like, I don't mean scamming like he's not who he is,

1405
01:11:30.880 --> 01:11:35.600
but he's out there, you know, he's not godly.

1406
01:11:36.520 --> 01:11:37.640
That's the scam.

1407
01:11:37.640 --> 01:11:39.360
So it's either one scam or the other scam.

1408
01:11:39.360 --> 01:11:40.520
Do you understand that?

1409
01:11:45.200 --> 01:11:46.120
Yes, thank you.

1410
01:11:48.080 --> 01:11:49.760
You guys, I know that we want to build a fantasy

1411
01:11:49.760 --> 01:11:52.280
around things and we want things to be what we believe

1412
01:11:52.280 --> 01:11:54.400
that these things are, okay?

1413
01:11:55.320 --> 01:11:56.320
But I will tell you,

1414
01:11:56.320 --> 01:11:59.440
this is how people end up in really bad situations.

1415
01:11:59.440 --> 01:12:01.120
This is how people end up giving

1416
01:12:01.120 --> 01:12:03.120
huge sums of money to people

1417
01:12:03.120 --> 01:12:04.880
because they built this fantasy in their mind

1418
01:12:04.880 --> 01:12:07.920
of what's really happening between you and this person.

1419
01:12:07.920 --> 01:12:11.000
And I know that it feels good to be wanted.

1420
01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:14.960
I know that it feels good to be sought out at some level,

1421
01:12:14.960 --> 01:12:16.840
like this other girl that I'm telling you guys about,

1422
01:12:16.840 --> 01:12:18.440
how this guy dropped in her DMs

1423
01:12:18.440 --> 01:12:20.160
and paid her all this attention,

1424
01:12:20.160 --> 01:12:22.120
but it turns sexual really fast.

1425
01:12:22.160 --> 01:12:25.360
And you guys, pretty nasty sexual, okay?

1426
01:12:25.360 --> 01:12:27.200
And so I just want to let you guys know

1427
01:12:27.200 --> 01:12:30.920
that if we give any time and we give any attention

1428
01:12:30.920 --> 01:12:32.760
to people that show us this kind of stuff

1429
01:12:32.760 --> 01:12:34.240
right from the very beginning,

1430
01:12:34.240 --> 01:12:35.760
we're just going to end up in a place

1431
01:12:35.760 --> 01:12:39.280
where it's going to harden our hearts.

1432
01:12:39.280 --> 01:12:40.480
It is.

1433
01:12:40.480 --> 01:12:44.640
If we don't get into a bad situation with them, okay,

1434
01:12:44.640 --> 01:12:46.520
then it's just going to harden our hearts

1435
01:12:46.520 --> 01:12:47.760
towards men or towards women,

1436
01:12:47.760 --> 01:12:49.920
and we don't want that either, okay?

1437
01:12:49.920 --> 01:12:50.760
All right.

1438
01:12:53.120 --> 01:12:56.120
And I know that's especially probably hard to hear, Annmarie,

1439
01:12:56.120 --> 01:12:56.960
because I know that, you know,

1440
01:12:56.960 --> 01:12:59.360
you've been wanting to meet someone for a really long time,

1441
01:12:59.360 --> 01:13:02.080
and you're meeting this guy who seems like

1442
01:13:02.080 --> 01:13:04.960
really good-looking and all the things,

1443
01:13:04.960 --> 01:13:08.040
but you have to just pay attention

1444
01:13:08.040 --> 01:13:09.760
to the way that this man is treating you

1445
01:13:09.760 --> 01:13:12.520
and the way that he is, if it really is him,

1446
01:13:12.520 --> 01:13:14.840
and it's just not good.

1447
01:13:14.840 --> 01:13:16.200
All right, Lily, you're up.

1448
01:13:16.320 --> 01:13:17.160
All right.

1449
01:13:17.160 --> 01:13:21.120
I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to turn on my video.

1450
01:13:21.120 --> 01:13:23.600
I'm not in a, I can't do that right now.

1451
01:13:23.600 --> 01:13:24.920
It's okay, go ahead.

1452
01:13:24.920 --> 01:13:26.720
Let's see what time it is real quick.

1453
01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:28.520
I just want to be aware of the time

1454
01:13:28.520 --> 01:13:30.040
because Hunter wants to go too.

1455
01:13:30.040 --> 01:13:31.200
All right, we have eight minutes,

1456
01:13:31.200 --> 01:13:32.760
so I just need you to...

1457
01:13:32.760 --> 01:13:36.120
Okay, so I'm trying to figure out if this is a red flag.

1458
01:13:36.120 --> 01:13:38.280
There's one of the guys.

1459
01:13:38.280 --> 01:13:39.120
It's a blue flag.

1460
01:13:39.120 --> 01:13:39.960
It's a blue flag.

1461
01:13:39.960 --> 01:13:40.800
It's a blue flag.

1462
01:13:40.800 --> 01:13:41.640
It's a blue flag.

1463
01:13:41.640 --> 01:13:42.480
It's a blue flag.

1464
01:13:42.480 --> 01:13:43.320
It's a blue flag.

1465
01:13:43.320 --> 01:13:44.160
It's a blue flag.

1466
01:13:44.160 --> 01:13:45.000
It's a blue flag.

1467
01:13:45.120 --> 01:13:46.480
One of the guys.

1468
01:13:46.480 --> 01:13:47.400
First of all, I want to ask you,

1469
01:13:47.400 --> 01:13:50.400
is it the same guy that we talked about last, Love Seats?

1470
01:13:50.400 --> 01:13:51.600
It's another guy.

1471
01:13:51.600 --> 01:13:53.160
Okay, so you've already let that guy go.

1472
01:13:53.160 --> 01:13:54.360
That's over, it's done.

1473
01:13:55.560 --> 01:13:59.160
It's still in process, but not serious.

1474
01:13:59.160 --> 01:14:00.120
Okay, let's go ahead.

1475
01:14:00.120 --> 01:14:01.360
Go ahead.

1476
01:14:01.360 --> 01:14:06.160
So this one here is still,

1477
01:14:06.160 --> 01:14:09.920
so we've been getting to know each other casually.

1478
01:14:09.920 --> 01:14:12.520
I've been casual about it.

1479
01:14:13.360 --> 01:14:14.640
It's been fun.

1480
01:14:16.120 --> 01:14:19.200
My concern is, I'm wondering if it's a red flag,

1481
01:14:19.200 --> 01:14:23.400
but he's still in contact with his ex-girlfriend.

1482
01:14:23.400 --> 01:14:26.320
They broke up in December,

1483
01:14:26.320 --> 01:14:31.200
and he constantly just vomits about her

1484
01:14:31.200 --> 01:14:33.960
when he feels anxious, I guess.

1485
01:14:33.960 --> 01:14:36.120
And I'm just trying to figure out

1486
01:14:36.120 --> 01:14:37.960
if I actually bring it up to him,

1487
01:14:37.960 --> 01:14:39.160
or if I just say,

1488
01:14:39.160 --> 01:14:42.000
maybe you might not be ready for a relationship.

1489
01:14:42.480 --> 01:14:44.600
How long have you known this guy for?

1490
01:14:44.600 --> 01:14:46.000
For a couple months.

1491
01:14:46.000 --> 01:14:48.240
Okay, and how many dates have you been on?

1492
01:14:51.720 --> 01:14:53.240
Eight.

1493
01:14:53.240 --> 01:14:54.680
Eight, okay.

1494
01:14:54.680 --> 01:14:57.520
And who broke up with who in his past relationship?

1495
01:14:58.920 --> 01:15:00.120
She.

1496
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.280
told him that he could leave if he wanted to,

1497
01:15:03.280 --> 01:15:05.520
and he decided to leave, so.

1498
01:15:05.520 --> 01:15:06.680
What do you mean, told him he could leave?

1499
01:15:06.680 --> 01:15:07.920
Do they live together?

1500
01:15:07.920 --> 01:15:09.240
They live together.

1501
01:15:09.240 --> 01:15:11.300
Yeah, I don't think.

1502
01:15:11.300 --> 01:15:13.280
How long have they been broke up for?

1503
01:15:13.280 --> 01:15:14.120
Just December?

1504
01:15:14.120 --> 01:15:15.600
December of last year.

1505
01:15:15.600 --> 01:15:17.000
Yeah, I think that he needs to.

1506
01:15:17.000 --> 01:15:19.280
First of all, he's someone who's willing to live

1507
01:15:19.280 --> 01:15:20.880
with somebody outside of marriage,

1508
01:15:20.880 --> 01:15:22.600
so you know that about him.

1509
01:15:22.600 --> 01:15:23.560
Yeah.

1510
01:15:23.560 --> 01:15:25.960
And then second of all, you know,

1511
01:15:25.960 --> 01:15:28.920
the chances of it being a rebound are very good.

1512
01:15:28.920 --> 01:15:31.440
Especially since he's still in contact with her.

1513
01:15:31.440 --> 01:15:32.660
She ended it.

1514
01:15:34.200 --> 01:15:37.040
He may or may not have wanted it to be ended,

1515
01:15:37.040 --> 01:15:39.200
and there's just, yeah, there's just,

1516
01:15:39.200 --> 01:15:40.760
there's a lot of codependency,

1517
01:15:40.760 --> 01:15:42.640
it sounds like, in this situation.

1518
01:15:44.120 --> 01:15:44.940
Okay.

1519
01:15:44.940 --> 01:15:46.160
I mean, if you're willing to get to know him

1520
01:15:46.160 --> 01:15:47.440
and get your feelings involved

1521
01:15:47.440 --> 01:15:49.120
and then have him go back to her,

1522
01:15:50.280 --> 01:15:52.480
because that's very possible.

1523
01:15:52.480 --> 01:15:54.120
Yeah, okay.

1524
01:15:54.120 --> 01:15:56.160
So yeah, I think that, yeah,

1525
01:15:56.160 --> 01:15:58.120
tell him that, you know, he should do some hard work

1526
01:15:58.120 --> 01:16:00.520
because the fact that he's still in contact,

1527
01:16:00.520 --> 01:16:01.680
clean breaks heal the fastest,

1528
01:16:01.680 --> 01:16:04.000
he's obviously not done that.

1529
01:16:04.000 --> 01:16:06.120
And that every time he talks to you,

1530
01:16:06.120 --> 01:16:08.200
he's processing the relationship.

1531
01:16:08.200 --> 01:16:09.120
Right.

1532
01:16:09.120 --> 01:16:11.320
So, you don't need that.

1533
01:16:11.320 --> 01:16:13.560
You need someone who's ready to partner.

1534
01:16:13.560 --> 01:16:14.440
Yeah.

1535
01:16:14.440 --> 01:16:16.480
How do I tell him about the heart work?

1536
01:16:17.520 --> 01:16:18.480
I mean, you could just tell him,

1537
01:16:18.480 --> 01:16:20.440
hey, you know, I've done this program

1538
01:16:20.440 --> 01:16:21.920
and, you know, it's for men as well.

1539
01:16:21.920 --> 01:16:25.080
And it's really helped me to, you know,

1540
01:16:25.080 --> 01:16:28.000
move forward in my relationships and in my love life.

1541
01:16:28.880 --> 01:16:30.600
And it might be something that you want to look into,

1542
01:16:30.600 --> 01:16:32.280
especially when he's processing

1543
01:16:32.280 --> 01:16:33.760
his failed relationship with you.

1544
01:16:33.760 --> 01:16:35.960
That's kind of, that would be the invitation

1545
01:16:35.960 --> 01:16:37.960
to go ahead and say something about that.

1546
01:16:37.960 --> 01:16:39.040
Okay.

1547
01:16:39.040 --> 01:16:40.480
Got it.

1548
01:16:40.480 --> 01:16:43.520
Ladies and gentlemen, Lily and Anne-Marie,

1549
01:16:43.520 --> 01:16:45.480
you guys, we're not going to settle.

1550
01:16:45.480 --> 01:16:47.120
Listen, we're not going to settle.

1551
01:16:47.120 --> 01:16:48.720
I know that nobody's perfect.

1552
01:16:48.720 --> 01:16:50.760
And I'm the first one to tell you

1553
01:16:50.760 --> 01:16:52.080
that everybody has yellow flags.

1554
01:16:52.080 --> 01:16:53.040
You have yellow flags.

1555
01:16:53.040 --> 01:16:53.880
I have yellow flags.

1556
01:16:53.880 --> 01:16:54.840
We all do.

1557
01:16:54.840 --> 01:16:57.800
But the only thing that turns these flags green

1558
01:16:58.600 --> 01:17:00.960
and not red is that people are aware of them

1559
01:17:00.960 --> 01:17:03.600
and they are diligently working on them.

1560
01:17:03.600 --> 01:17:04.840
They have accountability.

1561
01:17:04.840 --> 01:17:06.000
They have mentorship.

1562
01:17:06.000 --> 01:17:07.080
They're in programs.

1563
01:17:07.080 --> 01:17:08.400
They're in therapy.

1564
01:17:08.400 --> 01:17:11.760
You guys, they have to be working on their yellow flags.

1565
01:17:11.760 --> 01:17:13.280
They have to be correctable.

1566
01:17:14.280 --> 01:17:15.480
Okay.

1567
01:17:15.480 --> 01:17:17.000
Obviously you're not their teacher,

1568
01:17:17.000 --> 01:17:18.720
but they have to be teachable.

1569
01:17:18.720 --> 01:17:21.760
They have to be looking for someone to help them

1570
01:17:21.760 --> 01:17:24.520
to overcome the things that they've done in the past

1571
01:17:24.520 --> 01:17:27.000
so they don't do them in the future.

1572
01:17:27.000 --> 01:17:28.240
We're not going to show up.

1573
01:17:28.240 --> 01:17:30.440
We're not going to have people showing up in our lives

1574
01:17:30.440 --> 01:17:35.080
right from day one, trying to be sexual with us.

1575
01:17:35.080 --> 01:17:36.720
They're for ulterior motives.

1576
01:17:36.720 --> 01:17:39.440
People who are not, you know,

1577
01:17:39.440 --> 01:17:43.920
doing us the honor of treating us with respect.

1578
01:17:44.760 --> 01:17:47.880
Okay, not being willing to see us in person

1579
01:17:47.880 --> 01:17:49.880
or not being willing to even FaceTime with us.

1580
01:17:49.880 --> 01:17:51.160
That's disrespectful.

1581
01:17:52.480 --> 01:17:54.400
That's someone who's hiding something.

1582
01:17:55.400 --> 01:17:56.960
I don't care what excuses they make.

1583
01:17:56.960 --> 01:17:59.080
Oh, I don't want anyone to see me here.

1584
01:17:59.080 --> 01:18:01.320
No, that's disrespectful.

1585
01:18:01.320 --> 01:18:02.720
That's not someone who wants to have

1586
01:18:02.720 --> 01:18:04.920
a real in-person relationship with you.

1587
01:18:05.960 --> 01:18:06.800
Okay.

1588
01:18:06.800 --> 01:18:09.920
Someone who has compromised their morals in the past.

1589
01:18:09.920 --> 01:18:11.560
Okay, fine.

1590
01:18:11.560 --> 01:18:13.320
We all make mistakes,

1591
01:18:13.320 --> 01:18:16.520
but this guy's fresh out of living with someone else

1592
01:18:16.520 --> 01:18:18.080
and he's not over the situation

1593
01:18:18.080 --> 01:18:19.560
because he has a soul tie.

1594
01:18:19.560 --> 01:18:21.160
It's very obvious.

1595
01:18:21.160 --> 01:18:24.040
And it sounds like it was a toxic situation

1596
01:18:24.720 --> 01:18:25.560
because they're living together.

1597
01:18:25.560 --> 01:18:26.400
And also she's like,

1598
01:18:26.400 --> 01:18:27.240
hey, you can leave if you want to.

1599
01:18:27.240 --> 01:18:28.080
And then he leaves,

1600
01:18:28.080 --> 01:18:30.400
but he's also still tied and attached.

1601
01:18:30.400 --> 01:18:32.080
You guys, we're not getting involved in this.

1602
01:18:32.080 --> 01:18:32.920
You want to know why?

1603
01:18:32.920 --> 01:18:34.480
Because we've been doing the work.

1604
01:18:34.480 --> 01:18:35.520
Say it with me.

1605
01:18:35.520 --> 01:18:37.680
We've been doing the work.

1606
01:18:37.680 --> 01:18:38.520
We have.

1607
01:18:39.560 --> 01:18:40.400
We have.

1608
01:18:40.400 --> 01:18:41.600
We've been showing up.

1609
01:18:41.600 --> 01:18:43.120
We've been pressing in.

1610
01:18:43.120 --> 01:18:44.680
We've been trusting God.

1611
01:18:44.680 --> 01:18:47.000
And we are not going to partner with anyone

1612
01:18:47.000 --> 01:18:49.760
who's not showing up and pressing in and trusting God.

1613
01:18:49.760 --> 01:18:51.120
We're not.

1614
01:18:51.120 --> 01:18:52.760
Period.

1615
01:18:52.760 --> 01:18:53.760
Period.

1616
01:18:54.480 --> 01:18:55.320
End of discussion.

1617
01:18:55.320 --> 01:18:56.560
All right, Hunter.

1618
01:18:56.560 --> 01:19:01.560
Literally 120 seconds to give me your backstory

1619
01:19:01.600 --> 01:19:03.000
and then I'm going to give you some advice.

1620
01:19:03.000 --> 01:19:04.320
And then we are going to call it a night.

1621
01:19:04.320 --> 01:19:05.200
What do you got?

1622
01:19:05.200 --> 01:19:08.080
Well, I went on to salt app and I,

1623
01:19:08.080 --> 01:19:09.800
and some woman, I said hi to me.

1624
01:19:09.800 --> 01:19:12.160
So I entered, I said hi back to her,

1625
01:19:12.160 --> 01:19:14.560
but she's, she's, she's from Mexico

1626
01:19:14.560 --> 01:19:16.000
and then moved to the UK.

1627
01:19:16.000 --> 01:19:17.400
She likes to travel.

1628
01:19:17.400 --> 01:19:19.080
I told her I like traveling too.

1629
01:19:19.080 --> 01:19:22.440
I traveled to Israel and she says, I like Europe.

1630
01:19:22.520 --> 01:19:24.960
And then she talks about how familiar

1631
01:19:24.960 --> 01:19:26.200
we share about families.

1632
01:19:26.200 --> 01:19:28.520
We got into good, good, healthy conversations

1633
01:19:28.520 --> 01:19:29.840
and good, healthy topics.

1634
01:19:29.840 --> 01:19:31.880
And then I got into football

1635
01:19:31.880 --> 01:19:34.920
and then I got to get into sports

1636
01:19:34.920 --> 01:19:36.960
and she likes soccer because soccer is fun.

1637
01:19:36.960 --> 01:19:39.240
You can, I told her I like football.

1638
01:19:39.240 --> 01:19:41.280
And then finally I ended the conversation

1639
01:19:41.280 --> 01:19:43.920
and I told her as a way of saying that,

1640
01:19:43.920 --> 01:19:45.760
I think I like the fact this conversation,

1641
01:19:45.760 --> 01:19:47.280
I'm liking this conversation with you.

1642
01:19:47.280 --> 01:19:48.600
Why don't we do some FaceTime?

1643
01:19:48.600 --> 01:19:49.840
And she agreed.

1644
01:19:49.840 --> 01:19:51.920
And I, but what time will be good?

1645
01:19:52.320 --> 01:19:53.440
So I always ask for an appointment

1646
01:19:53.440 --> 01:19:55.640
because she, we go for hours

1647
01:19:55.640 --> 01:19:57.560
where we don't get a response in the hours

1648
01:19:57.560 --> 01:19:59.480
because she's a different time zones.

1649
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:03.740
And I instigated and today I just had one with her.

1650
01:20:03.840 --> 01:20:06.440
It was, it's, it's seven o'clock 40.

1651
01:20:06.440 --> 01:20:08.880
It was at two o'clock, three o'clock with her.

1652
01:20:09.040 --> 01:20:12.000
And I made the thing last 20 minutes, basically.

1653
01:20:12.200 --> 01:20:13.620
I want to know about your pool.

1654
01:20:13.620 --> 01:20:16.600
Did I execute right and be a leader or am I just an instigator?

1655
01:20:17.440 --> 01:20:18.760
Hunter, we're so proud of you.

1656
01:20:18.760 --> 01:20:20.120
Yes, you did great.

1657
01:20:20.120 --> 01:20:21.480
So how did the FaceTime go?

1658
01:20:21.480 --> 01:20:22.320
Did it go good?

1659
01:20:22.600 --> 01:20:23.520
Yeah, it went good.

1660
01:20:23.520 --> 01:20:24.400
Just 20 minutes.

1661
01:20:24.400 --> 01:20:27.840
Basically I try to, you know, how we try to be afraid of going in

1662
01:20:27.840 --> 01:20:31.640
a dates or bachelor thing while I, I'm not the kind who walks away.

1663
01:20:31.640 --> 01:20:33.800
I'd just say, you know what, let's just face it.

1664
01:20:34.040 --> 01:20:38.880
And then, so I, how do I, how do I get that fear of being on a phone date?

1665
01:20:39.080 --> 01:20:39.720
Go away.

1666
01:20:39.720 --> 01:20:43.800
Because if I, as a guy, you're just going to have to do more of them, but

1667
01:20:43.800 --> 01:20:45.240
did you ask her for another one?

1668
01:20:46.080 --> 01:20:50.320
Uh, no, but I was thinking by asking her, it was a nice talking with you,

1669
01:20:50.320 --> 01:20:52.160
but I think it's time I tried doing that.

1670
01:20:53.120 --> 01:20:53.560
Okay.

1671
01:20:53.720 --> 01:20:54.200
Yes.

1672
01:20:54.240 --> 01:20:56.400
So, you know, you need to follow up with her.

1673
01:20:56.400 --> 01:20:59.560
You just had that today and say, Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you.

1674
01:20:59.560 --> 01:21:01.120
You know, would you want to talk again?

1675
01:21:01.120 --> 01:21:02.800
And if so, when are you available?

1676
01:21:03.360 --> 01:21:06.080
You know, the more that you do it, Hunter, the more that you're

1677
01:21:06.080 --> 01:21:11.080
going to feel more at ease and go into the conversation prepared.

1678
01:21:11.520 --> 01:21:11.880
Okay.

1679
01:21:11.880 --> 01:21:15.800
Don't have a list of 101 questions that you're going to ask her, but have

1680
01:21:15.800 --> 01:21:17.880
a couple questions in your pocket.

1681
01:21:18.360 --> 01:21:20.760
And you know, you're going to ask, and then you're just going to be quiet.

1682
01:21:20.760 --> 01:21:22.160
You're going to listen to her response.

1683
01:21:22.160 --> 01:21:23.560
You're going to give her time to talk.

1684
01:21:23.800 --> 01:21:24.520
Women like it.

1685
01:21:24.520 --> 01:21:28.520
When we ask questions, women like it, when you ask us questions, as long as

1686
01:21:28.520 --> 01:21:32.200
they're not too personal and too intrusive, okay, we don't need to do, we

1687
01:21:32.200 --> 01:21:36.240
don't need to know what her favorite color is, but we need to know, we need

1688
01:21:36.240 --> 01:21:38.520
to know like, what is she passionate about?

1689
01:21:38.920 --> 01:21:40.240
What is she doing right now?

1690
01:21:40.240 --> 01:21:42.360
Where does she see herself in five years?

1691
01:21:42.360 --> 01:21:43.320
You know, things like that.

1692
01:21:43.720 --> 01:21:45.400
I know I never do that.

1693
01:21:45.400 --> 01:21:49.240
I try to talk about how are things in UK or how, and I'll tell

1694
01:21:49.240 --> 01:21:50.440
you about things in New York.

1695
01:21:50.520 --> 01:21:56.080
I can make a woman talk all she wants, but my hardest part is trying to listen.

1696
01:21:56.080 --> 01:21:58.240
Like, like as she talks, I got a sunrise.

1697
01:21:58.240 --> 01:21:59.960
What is, what's the whole thing she says?

1698
01:22:00.480 --> 01:22:00.840
Right.

1699
01:22:00.840 --> 01:22:01.680
You have to listen.

1700
01:22:01.680 --> 01:22:03.360
You have to be an attentive listener.

1701
01:22:03.480 --> 01:22:03.760
Okay.

1702
01:22:03.760 --> 01:22:06.560
You got to listen, not just think about what you're going to say next.

1703
01:22:07.000 --> 01:22:08.720
And you know what I do, Hunter?

1704
01:22:08.840 --> 01:22:09.120
Okay.

1705
01:22:09.120 --> 01:22:12.880
So as people have been talking, because my mind is like yours, it moves a lot.

1706
01:22:12.880 --> 01:22:13.920
It moves very fast.

1707
01:22:14.320 --> 01:22:19.040
And so because of that, I'll actually just write down little keywords as all of

1708
01:22:19.040 --> 01:22:21.040
these love seats were happening that way.

1709
01:22:21.440 --> 01:22:23.880
I don't lose my train of thought when it's my turn to respond.

1710
01:22:24.520 --> 01:22:24.920
Mm-hmm.

1711
01:22:25.600 --> 01:22:30.480
But that would be a good thing for you to be doodling, you

1712
01:22:30.480 --> 01:22:32.000
know, some keywords and things.

1713
01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:35.800
So when it's your turn to talk, you know what you're talking about and

1714
01:22:35.800 --> 01:22:38.200
you're not just like, okay, what are we talking about?

1715
01:22:38.200 --> 01:22:38.960
Because you forgot.

1716
01:22:39.320 --> 01:22:39.680
All right.

1717
01:22:39.680 --> 01:22:40.440
It's just level two.

1718
01:22:40.440 --> 01:22:43.520
Anyways, I'm trying to think, well, we go level three or something

1719
01:22:43.520 --> 01:22:45.240
because I don't know about sharing future yet.

1720
01:22:45.680 --> 01:22:47.960
Well, no, no, no sharing the future.

1721
01:22:48.000 --> 01:22:48.200
Okay.

1722
01:22:48.200 --> 01:22:49.240
You're doing great.

1723
01:22:49.320 --> 01:22:52.560
You've only had one little 20 minute FaceTime with this lady.

1724
01:22:52.560 --> 01:22:55.360
You need to get to know her a lot better before we're going to be

1725
01:22:55.360 --> 01:22:57.680
going into any kind of level three.

1726
01:22:58.080 --> 01:22:58.480
I know.

1727
01:22:58.480 --> 01:23:01.960
And I, and also I'm going to singles cruise too anyways.

1728
01:23:01.960 --> 01:23:05.840
So I don't know if I'm level three, I might, I might as well op out of it.

1729
01:23:09.000 --> 01:23:12.240
No, single cruise is not just about romance.

1730
01:23:12.240 --> 01:23:14.920
It's about community and it's going to be super fun.

1731
01:23:15.200 --> 01:23:17.840
Singles cruise registration still open.

1732
01:23:18.040 --> 01:23:19.520
It's in your resource tab.

1733
01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:24.520
Um, actually it's in your last year, single last year, single, I'm sorry.

1734
01:23:24.520 --> 01:23:27.000
Last trip, single group in the resource tab.

1735
01:23:27.440 --> 01:23:27.760
All right.

1736
01:23:27.800 --> 01:23:30.200
All of you guys have access to last trip, single group.

1737
01:23:30.200 --> 01:23:30.920
So that's where it is.

1738
01:23:30.920 --> 01:23:34.240
And you guys be paying attention cause we're about to put together.

1739
01:23:34.240 --> 01:23:37.320
Um, we're about to post some new retreats and different

1740
01:23:37.320 --> 01:23:38.400
things in there as well.

1741
01:23:38.640 --> 01:23:39.720
Good job, Hunter.

1742
01:23:39.760 --> 01:23:42.880
Everyone give him a virtual high five.

1743
01:23:42.920 --> 01:23:44.080
Give him some applause.

1744
01:23:44.080 --> 01:23:44.920
He did great.

1745
01:23:44.920 --> 01:23:45.840
We're very proud of you.

1746
01:23:45.840 --> 01:23:47.160
You've come a long way, bro.

1747
01:23:47.400 --> 01:23:48.360
Just keep going.

1748
01:23:48.520 --> 01:23:50.800
So ask her for the next face time.

1749
01:23:51.040 --> 01:23:54.760
Make sure that you have some questions to ask and make sure that

1750
01:23:54.760 --> 01:23:56.280
you're listening attentively.

1751
01:23:56.280 --> 01:24:00.080
If you have to doodle like me, then that will help keep you.

1752
01:24:01.680 --> 01:24:04.120
Another thing too, is I give a tech.

1753
01:24:05.280 --> 01:24:05.720
Go ahead.

1754
01:24:06.000 --> 01:24:06.840
We have to make it quick.

1755
01:24:06.960 --> 01:24:07.520
We got to go.

1756
01:24:07.560 --> 01:24:11.400
I know I texted her, but, and now you can wait for hours for a respond, but

1757
01:24:11.400 --> 01:24:14.480
you know what, I don't get worried or anything, get all anxious attachment.

1758
01:24:14.840 --> 01:24:18.040
Cause I just, I just wait and be patient because well, she's

1759
01:24:18.040 --> 01:24:18.920
in a different time zone.

1760
01:24:18.920 --> 01:24:24.160
So yeah, she'll respond probably at two or one in the morning.

1761
01:24:24.600 --> 01:24:25.360
Yes.

1762
01:24:25.440 --> 01:24:27.640
I'm glad that you are not being anxiously attached.

1763
01:24:27.640 --> 01:24:28.680
That's great Hunter.

1764
01:24:28.680 --> 01:24:29.800
You're doing great.

1765
01:24:29.840 --> 01:24:30.960
You've come a long way, bro.

1766
01:24:30.960 --> 01:24:31.920
We're really proud of you.

1767
01:24:32.360 --> 01:24:39.160
So friends, um, God is on the move.

1768
01:24:39.240 --> 01:24:41.560
We're seeing all kinds of people that have been part of this

1769
01:24:41.560 --> 01:24:42.600
community for a long time.

1770
01:24:42.600 --> 01:24:43.800
Our own Renee Rizzo.

1771
01:24:43.800 --> 01:24:49.520
I got to meet her boyfriend, um, soon to be fiance going to be husband.

1772
01:24:49.520 --> 01:24:52.360
There's no doubt in my mind that he is her spirit mate.

1773
01:24:52.600 --> 01:24:54.600
He's already relocated to be with her.

1774
01:24:54.800 --> 01:24:59.640
Amazing, amazing, amazing partnership already forming between the two of them.

1775
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.160
personalities, their desires, their wants, everything is just so beautifully complimentary

1776
01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:11.840
and it's just so great you guys, so, so great. And so I just want to let you know and that's

1777
01:25:11.840 --> 01:25:16.000
happening to quite a few people. I've had quite a few people showing up and letting me know

1778
01:25:16.720 --> 01:25:22.320
that they are finally in a place where they're getting, they're going to be getting married and

1779
01:25:22.320 --> 01:25:28.080
so very, very exciting. Okay, so do not give up. God knows someone who knows someone who knows

1780
01:25:28.640 --> 01:25:33.520
your spirit mate. All right, so we're going to continue to go forward. Please stay connected

1781
01:25:33.520 --> 01:25:38.640
to community. Please post in community. Please let us know where you are. You guys, you can always,

1782
01:25:38.640 --> 01:25:42.320
I know you don't have to wait for love seats. You can always post something, a question,

1783
01:25:42.320 --> 01:25:48.880
anything in Ask Jackie, but also in your Ask a Coach tab on your app or in your Facebook group.

1784
01:25:48.880 --> 01:25:53.440
And we have lots of amazing peer coaches. You know, I know I'm an amazing coach, but we've

1785
01:25:53.440 --> 01:25:59.920
also trained a lot of coaches that are not me. Okay. And everyone has really sound good advice

1786
01:25:59.920 --> 01:26:03.680
based on our protocols here in Last Year Single. So Father God, I thank you for your sons and

1787
01:26:03.680 --> 01:26:07.680
daughters. I thank you for this time together. I thank you that you have a plan for each and

1788
01:26:07.680 --> 01:26:12.880
every one of them. Do not let them settle, Lord, for things that are unhealthy, things that are,

1789
01:26:13.600 --> 01:26:18.960
don't have clarity, God, that lack any kind of forward momentum. Do not allow them, Lord,

1790
01:26:18.960 --> 01:26:24.960
to become desperate in their search, Lord. They're not searching, Lord. All they're doing

1791
01:26:24.960 --> 01:26:31.280
is allowing you to continue to heal their hearts so that they can be found. Both men and women,

1792
01:26:31.280 --> 01:26:36.240
God, you are the matchmaker, Lord. And so we thank you that you're allowing paths to cross,

1793
01:26:36.240 --> 01:26:41.520
that you're highlighting them from heaven so that they can meet their spirit mates. And so, Lord,

1794
01:26:41.520 --> 01:26:45.680
anything that they need to do, anything they need to prune, anything that they need to declare,

1795
01:26:45.680 --> 01:26:50.560
this is it. And if you don't understand that, go listen to Supernatural Saturday,

1796
01:26:50.560 --> 01:26:55.440
anything that they need to declare that this is it, God, I pray that you would just bring that

1797
01:26:55.440 --> 01:27:01.360
out from the unconscious to their conscious minds and let them surrender and submit to that

1798
01:27:01.360 --> 01:27:07.760
so that they can get some momentum. In Jesus' name, let it be so, and amen. All right, friends,

1799
01:27:07.760 --> 01:27:12.080
it was so good to be with you tonight. Do not be discouraged. I feel like there's discouragement

1800
01:27:12.080 --> 01:27:16.800
that's trying to grab ahold of some of you, but I promise you, you're much closer than you think

1801
01:27:16.800 --> 01:27:21.840
you are. Continue to trust God, continue to do the work, and it will happen. I'll see you soon.

1802
01:27:42.080 --> 01:27:43.120
you

1803
01:28:12.080 --> 01:28:13.120
you