I'm going to share my screen.
All right, friends.
We're having some issues.
I'm going to mute everyone that our links.
I'm going to mute everyone that's on the phone.
Jackie, it keeps muting you while you're trying to talk.
Okay, I'm just going to go live from my phone until they get it figured out.
Okay, guys.
I have an echo, so apparently it's getting figured out over there.
Now, like I was saying before, if you're the kind of person that saves links and that is
your go-to to get to these sessions, things are about to get hard for you because you're
going to need to go to your event calendar in our last year single app, whatever group
you're in, if you're in phase two, if you're in phase three, if you're in the men's group,
you're going to need to go there and you are going to get your link from the calendar.
You have to scroll down to whatever date it is.
I would love it if we could just hit that button that says today and we could see what
the links are for today, but it doesn't work.
At least it didn't work for me.
And so it's important that you scroll all the way down to whatever today's date is.
And then you click on the link for tonight, right?
Your calendar, you guys all get a calendar that shows you what's coming up.
And so then go to that event tab in your app group and scroll down to the link for that
night's session.
These links are going to change, you guys.
They're going to change randomly.
You're never going to know when they change.
We have a lot of different people that are just attached to our programs now that are
one and done with us or they're in a different program.
We can't have static links.
The links have to change.
And so because of that, it's important that you go and get the link for that session.
Okay?
All right.
So we're going to get started here in a second.
Hopefully I'll be able to use my computer and you'll be able to see my face tonight.
But we're here to do some love seeding.
If this is your very first time at Love Seeds, I'd love to see your hand raised.
Go ahead and raise your hand if you have never been to a Love Seed before.
This is your very first one.
Raise your little avatar hand.
Denise is brand new to Love Seeds.
So is Kathy.
Who else?
Anybody else?
Never been here before?
You've been in the program, but you just haven't had a Love Seed experience.
All right.
Louisa said me.
She doesn't maybe know how to raise that hand, that avatar hand.
All right.
That's awesome.
We have about three.
Catherine is saying her as well.
Crystal is also saying her.
Okay.
So we have a handful of newbies here, and that's awesome.
So welcome to last year's Single Community.
If you just made it to Phase 3, made it to the Community Phase and or this is just your
very first Love Seed for whatever reason.
Maybe you just haven't been able to get to one before because you work or whatever.
We're so glad to have you with us.
So we have a lot of fun on Love Seeds.
This is the session where I do some dating coaching.
And the reason why it's called Love Seeds is because you can get into the Love Seed
with me, Jackie D, your coach.
And we can talk about your situation or your non-situation.
We can talk about your lack of situations.
You want to talk about your love life and your lack of love life.
You can get into the Love Seed.
If you have a question about someone that you're talking to or someone that you don't
know if you should be talking to, if you have a question about apps, if you have a question
about someone that you're dating and something that they're doing, is this a yellow flag?
Is it a green?
Is it a red?
Any of the things that you might have questions about, doesn't matter what it is, this is
the time to ask those questions.
Now, we also have an Ask Jackie segment that will be going live in your app for those of
you that are in Phase 3 and in the men's group.
So continue to put your questions into the Ask Jackie PDF, the type form, whatever that
is that you put your questions in for that, into the
database that we have there in your resource tab on your app, and we will get those answered
for you.
All right.
We only have one person volunteering for Love Seat tonight.
That means that we're going to do a big gallery tonight of questions.
We're going to let all of you post your questions in the chat.
We'll do a little Ask Jackie tonight.
We might have some people that actually volunteer as tribute to jump into the Love Seat, even
though they haven't asked in advance, and that's fine.
So we will do that as well.
I want to let you guys know that next week on Thursday, yes, on Thursday, we will have
our single spotlight time.
So ladies, you will get an opportunity in your phase three group to sign up to be a
single spotlight, and then gentlemen, we're always taking volunteers, and so go ahead
and post in the group if you are willing to volunteer to be a single spotlight.
And then I have some other guys that have been waiting to be single spotlight that are
private clients and or referrals from other places.
And so we will be doing that as well.
Guys, I just want to let you know that I'm always meeting singles.
I met an amazing single.
I was in Nashville, as you guys know, and I was on some podcasts.
You guys, we are expanding our territory to more and more and more singles.
We have lots of really exciting things coming up this summer of some pop-ups in some of
your single cities.
I have a new book coming out called Modern Dating Sucks, a matchmaker's guide to finding
love in a swipe-left world.
And so it's going to be really awesome.
We're going to be doing some pop-ups with that book.
We're going to be doing some pop-ups with a dating app that we've partnered with.
We're going to be having some virtual speed dating events with that dating app.
And so that's going to be exciting, and I'm going to be putting up the link for that in
the resource page of your app, Phase 3 and Men.
You're going to be getting that link to go ahead and get yourself a little profile.
Got to use this link.
Okay?
You have to use this link or you will not be included in those virtual speed dating
events that happen in June.
There's going to be three of them, and you will not be included in these if you do not
use this link to get your account on this brand new dating app.
Okay?
It's a Christian app, and we will be putting it up there.
Now, you guys, I can't promise you because it's a new Christian app, it's a good Christian
app.
It's made by Christians for Christians.
I cannot promise you that there's people, there's like tons and tons of people to talk
to yet.
It's up and coming, and we're going to be helping it expand its footprint, so that's
important.
I can't promise you that there are people in your age range.
Right now, most of the people that are on this app are millennial age, so they're anywhere
from 28 to 45.
Okay?
That doesn't mean that there isn't going to be older people on the app.
It's not for a specific age group.
It is just for Christians, and that's of all ages, but it doesn't always catch on with
all age groups from the very beginning.
Do not be negative about it.
Just go ahead and make your profile there.
If there's no one within your parameters yet, it doesn't mean that there's not going to
be because let me tell you what, the creators of this app are partnering with all different
singles groups, all different matchmakers like me.
They are really, really pushing it out there hard, and it's going to continue to grow and
grow and grow because I believe that God's hand is on it, and so we're going to be partnering
with them, and there are going to be three virtual speed dating sessions that are going
to happen as a gift to our community, but with the greater ... It's not going to just
be our community.
It's going to be the greater population of the people that sign up for this app in the
next six weeks or so to be on that, so the rest of May, and then I think the very first
one is on the 9th or 10th of June, so there's three.
There's three different events.
You can go to one.
You can go to three, but you have to use this link that I'm going to put in the resource
page to sign up, otherwise you will not be eligible for that, and so that's going to
be important, so that is a little bit of my housekeeping.
Let's see if I'm on yet.
Nope, not yet.
All right.
Sorry, guys.
My computer system is down, and Dave is trying to fix it, so we're just going to continue
on here.
I can actually come on camera on my phone.
Hi.
Here we are.
Okay, so as he's fixing that over there, let me just give you guys a little preview of
what's happening.
So over there, that's where I usually teach from.
It's getting fixed, and soon we will be over there together, and I'll be able to see your
comments.
In the meantime, we are going to go ahead and invite our one volunteer to come on and
talk about her loveseat issue.
Okay.
We have got to put my granny glasses down so I can see Julie Julie are you here.
yep i'm here hi Jackie.
hi Julie thanks for volunteering.
All right, so give me one SEC.
Okay, there you are Okay, I see you.
I don't really know what all I can do from my phone but i'm gonna i'm gonna try my best here so let's see Julie.
I don't think it's going to let me spotlight you from my phone but that's fine I can see you and hopefully everyone else can as well all right so Julie tell us what's up.
So I was just wondering if you could give some wisdom about if you think when you think it would be wise to consider moving for a level three.
Three kind of long distance relationship and I i'll just read like what I had posted because it's easier.
So my boyfriend lives about an hour and 15 minutes away the week the past weekend, we had a conversation about things I told him that I feel a little bit disconnected from him during the week, even though we talk on the phone every night and text throughout the day we see each other on weekends I tend to be very positive about the relationship when i'm with him and then.
A few days after that during the week I start questioning things more I question whether or not we're getting a good feel for how we would be doing life together, day to day.
And we've been dating for almost a year and we both said that, after about a year, we should have a pretty good idea if we want to seriously pursue marriage so.
Okay, and how often you see each other.
Every weekend so Saturday and Sunday.
Okay, and and why are you not seeing each other during the week how far away is it it's an hour and 15 minutes.
can't see each other during the week.
um it it would be difficult, I guess we could but.
He has a routine with his dog and I I don't I think it would be a lot to like I don't know see each other during the week.
Did you say his dog.
Yes, okay.
Okay, all right, so he comes home from work and then he's got to take his dog out and you can't leave his dog for more than a few hours and whatever is it a little dog with a little bladder.
No, it's a it's a big black lab but it's already been home all by itself all day.
Um, so he lives with his parents and it's been with his parents all day but he's very he's very, very attentive to this dog.
Okay, so he lives with his parents explain that.
Um, he, uh, well, he's I'll say he's 43 I'm 40 he did own a house for a couple years and then his mom had a back injury and he says that he just didn't like being alone so he moved back with his parents I do question that a little bit but.
Um, he's saving money.
He's in the very beginning stages of building a house so he figures that it's a good living situation when you say the very beginning stages, you mean like he says he wants to build a house but nothing else has happened yet.
No, he's he's got all the permits and he's he's set to go it's just gotten delayed but um.
Several things have been started with stormwater plans so he's actually doing the stormwater plan this weekend.
So he's actually building the house himself.
Um, some of it as much as he can.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
So mom had a back issue he moved home to help he also didn't want to live alone and has he ever been married before.
No.
Okay.
And.
Um, yes and I think he just probably figures that phone calls are good enough so.
Yeah well I mean you guys have been seeing each other for a week I'm sorry you guys have been seeing each other dating for a year.
Yes.
Okay a year of weekends and he's not motivated to see you guys for a week.
No.
Okay.
So.
Right.
Um, I mean, he's not motivated to see you during the week and he's not motivated to, you know, to push this forward.
So he's expecting you to move the hour and 15 minutes.
What kind of job do you have?
Can you move?
Yeah, I work remote.
So I can move.
Okay.
And how about how I mean, you're asking the question you're showing up saying, hey, when should I move?
I mean, like, what what are his plans?
What are what are his conversations sounding like?
Yeah, we do talk about marriage and he he says he's been telling me that he told me this early on.
on that he wants me to be essentially his wife, like he
says, I want you to be in my life. It's just a decision that
you have to make. He's he's tells me that and he says, he
says, like, I've asked him what his biggest concern about us is
and he says, just that you're going to feel boxed in just
because I'm more adventurous. And he's like, you have to come
to the decision that like, this is this is the life that you
want because he's like, this is where he's living. He's living
by his parents. Like, that's how it is. So he's kind of like
you have to he he wants me to make that decision. Okay, so
now that you're adding that information, I think that the
question on everybody's minds is that, you know, has this man
can he leave and cleave? You know, is he does he have a
relationship with his parents that's unhealthy and
codependent? You know, what are his parents like? Do they like
you? How many times have you met them? Do they know that he's
serious about marrying you? What? Okay. Yeah, they like me.
I'm I see them every weekend. I like them. I just it's a little
hard for me to understand because I've been out of my
parents since I was 18. And like, he he says all the right
things. He says, I understand you have to leave and cleave.
He's like, you're number one, like once, once if we were to
get married, he's like, you're, you're number one, not them
anymore. So he says the right things. And I feel that he's
genuine about it. Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, obviously, you
know, he's very close to his family. And does he have any
other friends? Does he have any other community? He has his
cousins that he he sees at church on Sunday, basically, and
he'll see them on holidays. But I've told him that before. I'm
concerned, like, you don't really have a community or
friends or things like that. And he says, I'm, he always says
I'm very, very introverted. Like, yeah.
Oh, I lost you.
I can hear you.
Can you hear me? I can hear you. No, I can't hear you. Hold
on. Okay. This is
Okay, can I can you go ahead and try to talk again?
Hi. Yep. Yes. Are you there?
Recording in progress.
Okay, friends, we're just gonna do this from the phone tonight.
I apologize, but I'm not gonna gonna delay us anymore with
that. Okay, so there's several different issues here. You know,
he's telling you that he doesn't want the same type of
life that you want, or the same type of life that he says that
he thinks you want. You know, like you said, you left your
family when you were 18. Do you have a good relationship with
your family?
It's, it's good now. Yeah, I would say it's okay.
Okay, but you left because it wasn't good.
Well, I left to go to college, but it wasn't good. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. And so you so you're not close to your family the
same way that he's close to his family, even if it's good, you
don't have the same type of bond that this guy has. Right.
And so you don't need, you know, you don't need your family's
approval. You don't need them involved in your life. You know,
are his parents elderly?
Yeah, they're 79 and 80.
Okay, so that's part of the reason why he doesn't want to
leave them as well, because they're, you know, they're older,
they're older people. And so they had him later in life as
well, right? Because he's 43, and they're 80 years old. So
it's really important that you understand that, you know, he
feels a responsibility towards his family, and that's okay. But
because of that, you know, he said, you're having an
adventurous life. He said, you know, I'm a homebody. I just
want to be here with my dog. I can't even see you during the
week because I got a dog. And I got to go see my dog. Right. And
so
You know, he really is telling you the truth and so you need to believe him and he really is being very kind
To you and very honest when he says, you know, I want you to be in my life
But I don't know if this is what you want. And this is what I want. And this is what I'm gonna have
So he's telling you I'm not changing
Okay, right. Yeah, right. He's telling you this is what it's gonna be like
So then we ask you the question. Is it what you want? Can you live this way?
You know, don't do it just to be married, you know, is this a spirit mate compatibility? I
Think it could be
Okay. Yeah, so you're fine with you know
Living in whatever town he lives in living right down the street from his parents and you know
Whatever the caretaking with them is gonna look like in the next, you know several years
And living with someone who is just okay to go to work come home be with his dog be at his house
Be with his parents be with his cousin at church doesn't need a lot of other people
And because I know that we think hey, you know
I'm gonna have other people and I'm gonna you know
Open him up to all these other people and I'm gonna bring the community and you know
Sometimes that happens and that's where I want you to have a conversation. I want you to say hey, you know
I appreciate your life. But you know, this is this is what our life is gonna look like together
Those are the conversations you guys have to start talking about and if you guys want to jump in after a year of dating into
Simba's I recommend it because you will be forced into those conversations because of the content of the curriculum and
You need to be talking about. Hey, what does life look like every day? What is vacation look like?
What does you know having children look like? How old are you?
I'm 40. Okay, so you're gonna want to be doing that sooner rather than later
So, what's that look like and you know, if you like the answers to those questions
Then let's get that show on the road
If you're remote, are you in an apartment or a house you own something or rent apartment rent? Okay, and when's your lease up?
September. Yeah, I've had a conversation with him about that too the other night that I don't want to be in my place in
September and he
He's just like he's kind of like I'm working on the house as fast as I can
And I told him that I think that the house and our relationship are two
Separate things in my mind if it's right for us to get married
We can find a different living situation and then he said that him and his parents actually discussed
Getting us a house before his is finished
Wait, wait, why is his parents in that conversation?
He tells them a lot like I mean, but you said them getting you guys a house
Does he not financially able to do that himself?
I'm not sure maybe not with the house that he's building
But I mean I I told him I have money for a down payment like it's not like I can't I can't do that
You know, well, let me ask you a question, Julie
And I appreciate this conversation and you volunteering to have it because it's gonna help a lot of people
So have you been exclusively dating for a year?
Um
No, well, I haven't dated anyone else
I haven't dated anyone else. So yes, but we made it official I guess in late fall
Okay, so you've been exclusively dating for you know, November December January February March April May like seven months
Mm-hmm. Okay, but you've known each other and you've been dating for a year
Yep, okay
You guys have not had
The type of deep conversations that you should be having at this at this at this level of dating
Okay, you should know how much money he has
He's told me he's told me and we've we just did a thing at his church
Okay, prepare and rich assessment and the pastor said he said it looks like a green light from my opinion. That's what he said
Okay, so you just found out how much money but you don't know if he has enough money to buy a house plus having that
So he's willing to make some changes. He's he's ready to move forward
No, I don't think that I think that you have to
You know, then the other question is is that do you feel like you love him?
I do but I I I question things. I don't know if it's my personality or what I need
Okay, like what what are we questioning besides the fact that you only see him on the weekends?
I mean, you've been dating for seven months exclusively, but you have only seen him. How many weekends are in seven months?
Someone do the math really fast. I
Mean it's fair. It's fair to say this
Someone in the chat. Oh, I'm sorry
so someone in the chat wrote like that they wanted to know want the guy to say like you're mine like and he's kind of
He doesn't
He doesn't operate that way and like I think part of me wants that like is for someone to just like really
like say I want you like you know but he's being very diplomatic like I don't
question his loyalty and his love you know what I mean but he's being very
diplomatic he told you that he wanted you he told you that he wanted you when
you made this exclusive you know and you know I mean I had a I had a student a
long time ago she's married by the way now to this guy but she would come on
these love seeds and she would complain that she didn't really know you know
she was just really at waiting for him to ask her to be his girlfriend and to
make it official and but then she would talk about all the things that they were
doing with each other and you know how he called every day and how they went
out several times a week and I said well it sounds to me like he thinks you are
his girlfriend and sure enough that was the truth you know not everyone has the
same communication skills has he ever been in a long-term relationship before
yeah one okay and how long had it been before he got into this relationship
with you so he he dated his ex for about two years and then it was a year from
when they ended to when he started with me and why did they end because of
mostly I guess living situations she she didn't want to move from her dad's
property he wanted she wanted him to build a house on her dad's property so
okay so basically she was a version of him yes he wanted him to come to her and
to her family and to do life the way that she pictured it so I think that
you are actually the best example of a couple that needs to go through a simbus
okay because you you really need to it's gonna have you dig into what's life
gonna look like on the daily who's gonna do what what are the personalities
of these two people and how do they come together what are the influencing styles
that they use on each other where the communication styles you know what what's
the attraction level who wants what and when all those different things I think
that that's gonna be really important because it doesn't seem like you're
having these these conversations successfully on your own okay yes I mean
we we were going through a book called 101 questions to ask before you get
engaged so we've covered we it seems like we cover a lot but I think there's
a gap so I think you might be right we need to go to well and you and you seem
to be afraid to tell him what you need because you're telling us that he's not
giving you what you need and he's also saying to you I might not be able to
give you what you need but you know you need to be saying to him hey you know I
need to see you more passionate about this relationship you know are you
passionate about me do you love me you know you know I know that you want him
to just come up with that but some people are not words of affirmation
people they're not gonna be people that talk like that to us unless you know we
let them know that in a loving you know needs being fulfilled relationship we
need them to talk like that to us very rarely do two people have the same needs
in relationship and so if you're not willing to ask for your needs and then I
think that you're trying to say that you have more of an avoidant kind of
attachment style where these weekends were kind of enough for you because you
felt like you know you might get more of a reason to kind of cut and run if you
saw him more or if you made decisions that were more solid or final
what do you mean I'm sorry like I mean there's no way there's there's not a
snowball's chance in Hades that I would be still with these many questions in my
mind if I had been dating a guy for seven months I'd have them all answered
I you know I would you know so you I think are hesitating as well like you're
not you're not pushing forward he's not drawing and pulling you forward and
you're also not pushing forward so that that's that's where I want to ask you
why why you know after seven months of weekends only why you also are not
pushing for more time you know time share with the dog why you are not you
know why is that enough for you is I guess my question that's a good question
mm-hmm yeah I feel like it would be a major inconvenience to him and I don't
want to inconvenience him but I know that's the right way to think well just
want to tell you one thing it's really important that you know and everyone
else knows here marriage is one big fat inconvenience okay it is not convenient
to
be married. I mean, you're going to have to lose so much of me in
order to become we both of you. And I really hope that he is
understanding that as well. Even if you move to him, even if you
live down the street from mom and dad, he still he doesn't get
to keep his life like it is now and then just add you to it.
That's not what that looks like. And these are the questions
Julia that I really want you to have with him is like are you I
know that you don't have community, but are you open to
it? Because I need community? Are you open to finding a bigger
church with me finding a you know, finding more friends with
me hanging out with couples that we should meet? Are you open to
and then just fill in the blank the things that you envision for
your marriage? It's not just his marriage would be your marriage
to
he has said yes to those questions. And he says when he
gets the house built, he think it would be good to do a
ministry at his house.
So okay, well, the house has not even been broken ground yet. So
and you're 40 years old. Okay, so I'm assuming that you would
like to have some kids. Yep. Yep. Yep.
Okay, so you guys, I'm going to keep audio and video on the
phone, but I can I'll be able to see the chat because I'll be
over here. So we're having some major technical difficulties
tonight, but that's okay. We're going to make it through. So
Julie, so I think that you guys have been talking a lot more
than you're alluding to because every time I say you need to
answer this question, you're like, well, we already did. Okay,
awesome. So it's time to put some action to those words. And
if he is willing to get another living situation while the house
is being built, it doesn't have to be a house, you don't have to
buy another house, get an apartment together.
I don't think he would want to do that.
Because of what reason?
Because he would say it's just a complete waste of money.
Okay, well, I mean, if he has it like that to buy another house,
and then it was he going to do rent it out. When you move into
the to the mythical house that's being built. I say that because
you guys I literally know couples where the guys like I'm
building a house and you know, now they're finally married.
They've been married for like 20 years in the house. They're
not built. So. So it's a situation where, okay, great.
But until then, we have to live somewhere. And so yeah, if he
wants to buy another house, cool. Maybe you never built the
house. Maybe you guys live in that house. But I guess what I'm
saying is, is that there needs to be forward movement now. So
the answer to your original question is 1000%. If you see
your guy yourself with this man, if there are no red flags, if
you really feel like you could be a great couple together,
if he's answered your questions to a place where you feel
secure, enough to move forward, then let's move forward. If it
if it isn't enough for you to move forward, then you have to
ask the questions that can get you to a place where you're
either moving forward, or you're letting go. Because seven
months is too long to be in limbo. Okay, a year is too long
to be in limbo. I have another couple that's going through
this right now. I sent this guy a voice text just today or
yesterday. And I said, we got to pee or get off the pot. All
right. Because you're saying I love you. You know, you're
buying rings, you're doing things, but I don't see any
forward movement. So we got to figure out what we're doing
here. And or why we're not doing it. Right? We have to
figure out what we're doing or why we're not doing it. And so I
feel a lot of hesitation in you for some reason, but you're not
telling me why you're hesitating. I don't know if I
know why myself. Okay. You know what, I think I know why.
Because this man is not showing up as a strong leader. And that
really makes you somewhere deep inside that's making you feel
insecure. You know, yeah, gentlemen, women want you to
lead. Okay, they do. They want you to be sure. And they want
you to act like you're sure about the future. And so I feel
like that's why, because there's a lot of change. And it's going
to all be you doing it. You're going to leave your community,
you're going to leave your apartment, you're going to move
somewhere else. Even if you're an adventurer, and you like the
idea of doing that, like a new beginning, at the same time, you
know, he's asking, he's not even at that's the thing. He's not
even asking you to do it. He's saying, Well, only if you want
to. Yeah. So if I were you, I would just straight out say to
him, it's not about whether I want to do you want me to? I've
told him that. And then what does he say? He says? I don't
know. He says things like, like
Jesus doesn't, like, force people to do things, and I'm like, you're not forcing me, I just
want more, like, confidence and things like that.
It sounds like, in my opinion, this doesn't have nothing to do with Jesus.
In my opinion, it sounds like, even if he's not consciously aware of this, it sounds to
me like he doesn't want the responsibility if this doesn't work out.
I'm not saying that he's planning for it to not work out, but it sounds to me like he
doesn't want the responsibility of you giving up your life and moving to him, and then him
not marrying you, or you guys just not working out.
So I think that you need to have some real heart-to-heart conversations about, you know,
he says he wants you, his actions are not saying that.
His words are pretty lukewarm, they're definitely not passionate declarations of love, and so
I think that, you know, there needs to be some deeper conversations about, you know,
about this subject.
And you need to just be honest with him, you need to tell him, I need to know that you
are in it to win it, that this is what you want, forget about my free will, okay?
And understand that as a woman, I need the security of you leading us and you letting
me know that this is the future that you want with me.
And if he can't show up at that level, I think that you're going to continue to feel like
you're on shaky ground.
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Have you ever been in a long-term relationship?
I dated, yeah, I dated someone for a year, like four years ago.
Why didn't that go forward to marriage?
I had things about me that I probably needed to go to therapy for, there's a lot of reasons
for that one.
Okay, well, I think that you seem amazing.
Thank you.
And I'm glad that you did the work on yourself, and I just want you to be with someone who
is going to be able to, I mean, when you get married, you know, this is a question
you can ask him, say, hey, you know, I appreciate that you don't want to trample over my free
will, but when we're married, are you going to lead me?
Are you going to, you know, give your opinion or are you just going to be like, well, whatever
you want, or whatever you feel, I mean, that's not going to be a good marriage.
Yeah.
What you ask for advice or what you should do is you're just going to say, I don't know,
I guess you're just going to have to figure it out.
No, he does lead and he leads well.
He's just, yeah, it's just about like our relationship.
He's leaving a little bit too much up to me, but he does lead well, I think.
That's because he doesn't want you to be mad if you get involved with this and it's not
what you want.
He obviously has a heart wound about, not necessarily disappointing people, it could
be a little bit of that, but it's more about, he has a heart wound about like, you know,
missed expectations or, you know, or being around.
I think it's more this, he has a heart wound around being around a woman who's unhappy
is what I'm sensing in the spirit.
He doesn't want you to be like, yes, I want this and then, you know, be disillusioned
somewhere in his life.
He's gotten the idea that, you know, women think that this is what they want, but then
when they get into it, then they don't want it anymore.
Okay.
So something like that's going on with him.
So let's try to have some deeper conversations about that because it's not normal behavior.
Not.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Thank you so much.
Simbis would be great.
Let's see.
Julie, my last boyfriend who did Simbis with this group in 2022, he eventually broke up
with me.
He couldn't lead the way that I needed him to.
I'm so proud of you for showing up and asking these questions.
Yeah.
I mean, Simbis, I will, I will warn you, Simbis is a matchmaking and matchbreaking class.
So because, you know, deep, deep conversations are had and, and so, but yeah, can you keep
us updated?
Yes, definitely.
Thank you so much.
I do.
I do think that I do think decisions need to be made like within the next 30 to 60 days.
Okay.
So let's get whatever we need to make those decisions.
Okay.
All right.
I'll keep you updated.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Julie.
Yep.
Thanks.
And then there's a whole peanut gallery of people saying things to you here.
You can go read all the things that people are saying.
Okay.
You guys, that's what's beautiful.
about this community is we all get to chime in.
Let's be nice.
Some of y'all, some of y'all getting a little rowdy
in here saying some rowdy stuff.
Let's not get rowdy, all right?
Let's not, we don't know her man.
We don't know her.
Let's not, let's not get negative.
Okay, actually you guys, this happens more often
than you think it does, all right?
And what I'm really sensing about her boyfriend
is he does not want to be the reason for her being unhappy.
He doesn't, he does not want that on him.
He doesn't wanna end up with an unhappy woman
who starts to say, well, I want this and I want that.
And she's like, and he's like, well, I told you
that I didn't want those things, right?
He's being very clear and very honest
about what he has to offer
and what he doesn't have to offer,
what he wants and what he's not gonna do.
In fact, in a lot of ways, he's having some good boundaries,
but I honestly think that his boundaries
are trying to protect an area where he has fear.
He is showing good boundaries.
He is saying exactly what he wants, what he doesn't want,
what he's gonna do, what he's not gonna do.
But I do feel like that boundary
is protecting a place of fear for him.
So hopefully they'll be able to get to the bottom of it.
All right?
If you remember, keep her in your prayers
that she is able to get to a place of clarity
and forward momentum.
All right?
Yes, it was a great conversation.
I agree, Sarah.
All right, you guys,
since I don't have anyone else for the love seat,
if you go ahead and put your questions up,
I see a couple of people.
I see that.
Stacey McVane, are you wanting to get in the love seat?
Yes, ma'am.
All right, let's do it, girl.
All right, nice to see you, Jackie D.
Nice to see you.
Let's do it.
All right, so I am talking to,
I am on level two with a man named Clayton.
He's 61 years old.
He lives three hours away.
He has come to see me twice.
So he came on a Friday night,
took me out to dinner,
made reservations at my favorite place,
stayed the night at a hotel.
The next day, we went to the gym,
hung around Georgetown Square.
We had a great time.
He came the next Friday,
took me out to dinner,
and then just drove home,
and he lives three hours away.
So he's coming this Sunday to see me and all that.
My question is,
so I am feeling a little bit love-bombed.
I had a conversation with him last night,
and I just said,
I feel like you're wanting to push this further
than I'm ready to go right now.
And I appreciate the word of affirmation, I said,
but it's almost, it's like the scripture that says,
you know, too much honey makes you sick.
Okay, can we like, can you give us a sample?
Okay, so yesterday after work,
he's, you know, we were FaceTiming.
He's like, hey, how was your day?
You look great.
Oh my God, you look so nice.
How was your day?
It was just too much for me.
Did you look nice?
Girl, I always look nice.
I know, that's what I was gonna say.
You're always super cute.
So I mean, like,
is it possible that you're just not used to men
that are attracted to you?
And, cause that doesn't seem like a love-bomb to me.
It, you know, I'll tell you what it is,
is that I, it's a trigger from, it's a trigger.
Okay.
And so I should, basically last night,
I shared that with him, but I also said, you know,
I need, he, he is a boundary breaker,
but I don't think he realizes it.
So give us some examples.
We need a sample.
Cause that ain't it.
That one ain't it.
Okay, that's just you.
That's just you not believing that flattery is real.
That's just you just being used to, you know,
people just blowing smoke up your butt.
Here's an, here's an example.
Stacey, I really think that you could compliment me
and that's probably not a good example
because it's a nice thing to say.
I mean, maybe you're right.
Maybe you're right.
But I was just, anyway, so.
I mean, you're so used to the avoidant attachers that,
you know, yeah,
he might have a little bit of anxious attachment,
but I don't hear anything toxic yet.
No, he hasn't.
I think that it's just a little bit too much
for only seeing each other two times.
Yeah, but he's also 61 years old.
So you have to understand this generation, that's.
It's not the way they roll.
They don't roll with the newfangled rules.
They don't at all, because he said,
Stacy, I don't know anything about this.
He goes, I'm used to liking a girl,
and she either likes me back, and then if she does,
she's my girlfriend.
Yes, widowed or divorced?
Divorced.
OK, how long?
Well, he's been married three times.
OK, three times, and how long?
Does he have kids in any of these marriages?
His first wife, he was married to for 26 years,
and then he had another marriage, and then he had.
Why did the 26-year-old divorce happen?
Do you know?
From what I get, well, he told me.
He worked, worked, worked, worked, worked,
and he did that, and then it seemed
she was colder than he needed.
So he was a workaholic, and they grew apart,
and who divorced who?
He divorced her.
He divorced her because she just.
I think it was like there was too much.
It had been enough, it seems.
OK, and they have children together?
Yeah, they have two boys.
One's 27, one is 22.
They actually have a very good co-parenting thing going on.
OK, and how long did he get remarried?
How long was he divorced before he
got remarried after that one?
He got in a relationship within a year,
and then he was married.
I think he was in a longer relationship,
and then he was in a longer relationship,
and then he was married for about 2 and 1⁄2 years.
OK, and you said he had been married three times.
Yes, and the last one was a covenant marriage,
and oh my gosh, Jackie, it's so weird
because I know the couple that told them to do that,
and you know how I know a lot of people in this community.
It was really weird.
Yeah.
OK, so why did they get divorced?
The third covenant marriage?
Yeah.
Because it's actually a really weird story, but.
Just give us the cliff notes.
Someone cheated, something happened.
We should do a covenant marriage.
The woman's like, we should do a covenant marriage.
He's like, are you sure about that?
Yes, let's do the covenant marriage,
and then like a month later, she's like,
I heard from the Lord, and he annulled it.
Get out of my house.
Oh, dear God.
OK, so the covenant marriage is when
you don't get married legally.
You just do it like with somebody,
like with a preacher or something.
Well, not even, just friends on a mountain.
Oh, dear God.
OK, all right, good.
And then that kind of person is the type of weirdo
that's going to say, get out of my house.
God told me no.
OK, so all right.
So that's great, and then the second marriage,
you know why that one ended?
Yes, she wanted her kids to have more
of the ranch type inheritance.
And my kids should have a part of it, too.
And those, her kids were grown kids,
and he's like, this is family stuff.
I don't know what you're talking about.
So they was over money?
How long have they been married for?
They were married for about two and a half years.
OK, all right.
So here's the thing, you guys, about people
that get married young and are married for decades of time,
the 26-year marriage.
When those marriages end, if people do not
come into a program like this, they don't do their heart work,
they don't get good therapy, their pendulum
is usually going to swing, OK?
They're usually going to end up in something
unhealthy and pretty fast, which is what we see happening here.
Let me ask you this.
Do you learn anything from these divorces,
and does he throw these women under the bus?
Does he talk about them derogatorily?
I don't feel like you would allow him to do that,
because you're too healthy for that, but what do we got?
He doesn't, and he's, the first time
he was telling me about this, he calls
the mother of his children her name, Teresa,
but then he said two and three.
And I said, you know what, Clayton?
You love these women, so that's not their names.
What are their names?
So I called him out on it.
OK, and how did he respond to that?
Yes, ma'am.
OK, and he calls them by, he's, you know,
it's not like we're talking about him all the time,
but he doesn't do that.
Yeah, but I will tell you that the two and three,
the reason why he's saying that is because he's ashamed.
Oh, he is, yes.
Yes, he's ashamed.
So that's why he's making that such generalization,
not like, you know, making it human,
not making it like a real relationship,
because he's ashamed of himself, OK?
So he's ashamed that, you know, that he
has to tell anyone that he's been married three times,
especially since this last one.
Like our second FaceTime, he vomited all over me.
Yeah, yeah, OK.
All right, so you guys, is it?
It's a huge red flag.
No, it's a yellow flag.
And the reason why it's a yellow flag,
everything that we're talking about right now,
is because he seems to be self-aware so far.
She doesn't know him really well.
We're still getting to know him.
This is level two.
This isn't level three.
This isn't her boyfriend, okay?
He likes what he sees and he's good
because Stacey V, Stacey M V is amazing.
And of course he likes her.
But he's traveling to her, okay?
He is open to correction.
He is not saying a whole bunch of derogatory things,
throwing people under the bus, being the victim,
acting like a narcissist.
He's not doing any of that.
Does he have some heart healing to do?
Yes.
Does he feel ashamed of how his life has turned out
in the area of his relationships?
Yes, he does.
But none of that has to be a deal breaker, y'all,
if he's willing to do the work
and he is willing to continue to pivot.
Now, tell us the good things about him.
Oh, he's, I mean, he's a total gentleman.
I'm attracted to him.
He's totally buff.
He is involved in his church
in the Flower Mound area by Denton for like 10 years.
He serves, he tithes, he's very good.
And in the midst of all this, Jackie,
his dad died like two days after we talked.
Now, his dad was on that transition,
but within that time,
and I'm just gonna just shout out to the ladies right now,
within that time, he was still in touch.
And like Jackie says, when a man wants to, he will.
Yep.
If a man wants to, he will, that's for sure.
Okay, so here's the thing.
I think that there's two things going on here.
I think that he has some anxious attachment for sure.
I don't think that he has shown good discernment
in the past with wife number two and three.
I'm gonna call them that because I don't know their names.
I don't think he's shown good discernment.
I think he's also ashamed because he is a Christian man.
He's been serving at his church for a long time.
He doesn't wanna have this reputation, okay?
And then thirdly, I think that we don't know him well enough
to make any judgments right now.
If you enjoy his company and he is,
I hate to use the word pursuing,
but if he is leading an intention towards you
and you want to keep seeing him, you keep seeing him.
I think on the other hand,
the other thing that's happening
is you are not used to someone who is intentional.
All the men that I've ever known you in this program
to be talking to are men that are very wishy-washy.
They're not intentional about their feelings towards you.
In fact, a lot of them were just situationships.
We didn't know if they liked you like that or not.
And you're just not used to someone
just being really upfront about their attraction.
That is correct.
And he tells me, Stacy, I'm crazy about you.
You're an amazing woman.
You are an amazing woman.
I mean, we wanna make sure that he's crazy about you
and not just crazy.
So we're gonna have to paste it a little bit here.
But so far, and you guys, I know you're like,
but Jackie, he's been married three times.
You guys, people make mistakes when they don't have,
they'll rebound with no new healing and no new information.
And it's gonna end up the same way
over and over and over again.
I was talking to one of my favorite students.
I love her, she's got a good heart.
But in the time that I've known her,
she, in the time that I've known her, y'all,
she has been divorced twice.
She's been married and divorced twice in this program.
So she was divorced already
and then she got remarried and got divorced
and she got remarried and got divorced
because she was not doing the work.
Wasn't.
And he did tell me, he's like, Stacy, you just make me think.
I mean, I can't even believe the things that you say.
And I'm just thinking to myself, oh my gosh.
Like I asked him, I said, hasn't anyone ever told you
like that, like Clayton, that makes me uncomfortable
or this, that, or the other thing?
He goes, no.
So he hasn't had anybody try to resolve conflict with him
or confront him.
And then, I mean, I did.
And he was like super receptive.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's great.
I think that that's great.
And once again, you guys,
that's what turns yellow flags green
is when someone's self-aware, when they're willing to shift,
especially with these older generations of people,
both men and women,
they're used to a different set of dating rules, okay?
Very, very different set of dating rules.
And so we have to remember that.
All dates were romantic in their generation.
You didn't go out with someone.
I mean, if you ask someone out,
it's because you were physically
and emotionally attracted to them.
You didn't just go on, let's hang out dates.
You didn't go out with strangers most of the time.
And you didn't go out with someone
that you didn't see yourself being romantically with.
That's just not the way it worked.
In fact, the actual definition of a date was.
was romance.
So we're dealing with an entirely different set of people.
Most of those people made decisions very quickly
about being together.
They didn't wait for years and years and years
to decide whether or not they wanted to be
with someone or not.
They just kind of threw it against the wall
and see what sticks.
And that is a whole different situation.
And I did tell him, I said,
Clayton, face this on a friendship foundation.
What did he say?
He said, I have never done that before,
but I am open to it.
Good. All right.
So we're just going to continue to,
what does everyone say?
It's a yes until it's a no with Clayton.
I am having, I'm having a great time though.
He is a blast.
He makes me laugh.
He's so, he's great.
And I just want to let you know something, Miss Stacey,
is that Jackie Dorman lives in your city
and having a little double date with me and David,
maybe it will be what we should do
so that I can get a closeup look at Mr. Clayton.
In the next couple of months, I will send you a DM.
Yes, we'll get that done.
And I won't be at home for a couple of months.
So it's perfect.
All right.
It's a yes until it's a no.
And I don't think that you're being love bombed.
Nothing that you've talked about.
That's just someone who is, you know,
likes words of affirmation.
They're definitely going to want words of affirmation back.
That's probably what ended his first marriage
is he felt like his first wife just lost interest.
She wasn't in love with him anymore.
She had grown cold to him.
They had grown apart.
He wasn't getting his little emotional bucket filled.
Okay.
All right.
Everyone's like, I want to double date with you.
If I'm in your city,
I will come and take a good look at the guy or girl
that you're dating.
Don't think I won't because I will.
Okay.
Thanks.
Thank you, Jackie.
You're welcome.
All right.
We're going to go with Eunice.
I think someone else has had their hand up first.
I'm just going out here for me.
Just let's make these short, brief and powerful
and everyone will get a turn.
Go ahead.
I just want to say like, I kind of identify with Julie.
I'm with a guy who is very close to his family.
And actually I ended up moving to where he lives.
I'm from Arizona.
I moved to California like two months ago.
We are marriage minded and everything like that.
It's just, we've been kind of stuck on pre-marital
counseling because I grew up in church
and we always had pre-marital counseling with couples
and his church, they don't have that option.
So I even like gave him like,
oh, I know this other couple that I knew for years,
they're ordained pastors.
They live in Florida right now.
And they do pre-marital counseling and stuff like that.
So I was like, hey, if we can do that
because he's really strongly wants his pastor to marry us.
So I was like, I don't know any other options.
So I'm just kind of asking like,
what is some other scenarios that you have seen?
Do you not know that we have Simbis?
Yes.
And it's taught by a couple.
Yes.
Which the couple is, they're using Simbis.
So I floated around like, hey,
maybe we'll do the couple first
since you want your pastor to marry us.
And he has to rule like he won't marry us
unless he does pre-marital counseling.
He has his own pre-marital counseling course
that he created or something like that.
So that was that.
So basically we will be going through
two pre-marital counselings.
That's great.
So I was just like, is there any other scenarios
or whatever?
Those are options I thought of
because I'm pretty new at this.
This is my first exclusive relationship.
How long were you guys together before you moved?
We were exclusive since October.
I moved mid-March.
Yeah.
October, November, December, January, February, March.
So about six months.
Yes.
Okay.
Six months, you moved.
I mean, I know Arizona and California are pretty close,
but what part of California,
like how far did you move from?
He lived close to LAX.
So it was probably like five or six hours.
Okay.
And is your family in Arizona?
No, my family is all over.
We just spread out all over.
Okay.
And how long had you lived in Arizona?
Did you have a solid community there?
Yeah, 20 years.
Okay.
What did people think about you moving?
moving for someone you met six months ago?
My friends was on board.
Everyone's on board.
They were like, they're excited that I met someone.
I told them the situation.
The only people that weren't really excited
was my aunt, which I call my mom, and my sister.
Have they met him?
Via Zoom.
OK, so it's important.
And when do you, are you engaged yet?
No, we're doing, where he's thinking
he wants to do premarital counseling
before he pops the question.
OK, and so where does your aunt and your sister,
where do they live?
My sister lives in Fort Worth, Texas,
and my aunt lives in Rochester, New York.
And we're looking on to going to see them in July,
because I can't, yeah.
Good, awesome.
Well, it sounds to me like you're pacing this well.
I mean, you moved pretty quick.
But it sounds, other than that, taking the course
with his pastor, regardless of whether you know him
or like him, it doesn't matter.
And then if you're taking something with someone
that he likes and someone he trusts,
then let's do something with someone
that you like and trust as well, OK?
And so that way, because people have a tendency
to overlook things with people that they know, right?
You want someone who's really going to call stuff out
if they see it.
And his pastor is not likely to do that with him.
With you, he might.
But with him, he's not going to, because he
has a version of him in his mind that is already
good and safe and healthy.
So that's why you want someone who also either doesn't know
either one of you and is willing to call out
what they see, which is why I love our Symbists.
But also someone who's just, you know,
not afraid to tell you the truth,
not just kind of try to spare your feelings
by telling you what you want to see or what you want to hear,
OK?
So, OK.
So yeah, that's what I would do.
I would definitely do some, you do the Symbists,
do the thing with his pastor, the course,
because he wants to and he wants,
and if that's the criteria for him marrying you guys,
then all right.
But make sure that you do another one with someone
that you trust the opinion of, OK?
Let them have a close personal look at him as well.
And then, you know, your family is afraid for you,
but after they meet him in person,
you know, let's see what they think then.
OK.
All right?
All right, Eunice, thanks for showing up.
And stay close in community.
And make sure anything that seems off,
you're posting it in the group so
that the peer coaches and the coaches, we can weigh in on it.
That's why you're here.
This is part of your God defense system.
Yes.
Glad to be here.
Yes, glad you're here.
OK, all right.
Next up, Anne-Marie, you guys, let me see what time it is.
We're going to make these faster.
So we need, like, 120 seconds of backstory,
and then I'll give you my opinion.
OK, so I posted this guy on Facebook about three weeks ago
when I overlooked at his profile.
His picture, his muscles stood out
for his clothes in the picture.
And to send a friend a request, he messaged back.
Long story short, we've been texting.
It turns out he's a pastor up in Washington,
about five hours away.
And I've been listening to his sermons.
He's done this relationship series.
He was divorced about 10 years ago.
But he works out.
He's got huge muscles.
He used to be, like, Mr. Iron Man.
And we haven't actually met in person.
He's been a little hesitant to pop on a couple of video calls.
He just doesn't believe in dating sites.
And I think I tagged him on one of your posts
at one time just to try to get him
to look into our community.
He seems pretty old-fashioned.
And then didn't want to hop on the video calls
that he feels like he has to perform on it.
OK, so let me ask you a question.
I just want to stop you there real quick,
because I want to get clarity about what I'm hearing, OK?
So you said that you met him.
He sent you a friend request.
His picture is, you know, a real buff guy.
And, you know, he-
Not just buff.
He's, like, ripped.
OK, a real fit guy, really ripped guy.
And then he is a pastor.
And he does sermons.
And so I'm assuming he sent you links to his sermons
or you went to YouTube or whatever.
You Googled him.
You found his sermons.
But this is what I want clarity on.
You've talked to him on the phone, voice call,
or just texting?
Texting, and I did have one conversation a few days ago.
It wasn't very clear, but he was supposed
to call me Sunday night after his sermon.
He didn't want to be-
be distracted with the preparation, which I respect it.
All right, he's a scam, okay?
It's a real person,
but you're not talking to that real person.
It's someone who's hijacked his name, his avatar, someone.
Okay, so here's best case scenario.
Best case scenario is he's a scam,
and they're just pretending to be this public figure,
this pastor, whoever.
That's why they're not gonna get on video calls.
That's not why you're not gonna talk to him on the phone.
And worst case scenario is it is the real person,
but they're hiding something.
But I really think it's a scammer.
And you guys, you have to understand this.
These people hijack people's profiles all the time.
There's probably a fake account out there
pretending to be me, okay?
And so I'm just gonna tell you
that's what I think about this person.
I think that they're not real.
Even with Sunday sermons,
like every week that he's doing Facebook Lives with them.
Of course, because that's not who you're talking to, though.
The voice on the phone was the same
as what I've heard in the sermons, though.
Okay, how long did you talk on the phone for?
Because you just said that they didn't wanna talk.
Well, they didn't wanna,
we had a second phone call set up for Sunday nights,
and it ended up not happening.
I had a phone call come from my mom,
and then I waited for him.
How much did the first phone call,
how long was that phone call for?
Let me see here, 40 minutes.
Okay, and you think that that person
was the person that you were talking to?
Yeah, yeah.
That's just some weird things.
I would have thought his pastor would be more conservative.
I mean, he's already kind of put on the table
hints of like snuggling and saying I'm beautiful.
I'm just telling you that this person is up to no good.
They may, like I said, worst case scenario
is that they really are that person,
but they're still like hiding something and up to no good.
The whole thing stinks, honey.
So if I were you, I would bless them and block them.
I would block them.
I would not say another thing to them.
I would just block them.
Ladies and gentlemen, please do not get out here
and get desperate enough to be involved with people
who, number one, are not who they say they are,
or number two, they may be who you think they are,
but they're just up to no good.
You know, anyone who doesn't wanna have video calls
with you is up to no good.
They don't wanna have video calls,
not because they don't wanna be distracted,
because they don't want you to see them for some reason.
Okay?
Let's not be naive.
Well, he was willing to just for me.
He was willing to that night,
but then he thought I was gonna call him.
I waited around for him, and then he just kind of-
Of course he was willing.
He was willing to do something that never happened.
Of course people will say that they're willing
to do something that never happens.
Do you see what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
I'm sorry.
And I know you guys that we want,
I know that we wanna believe what we wanna believe,
and I just wanna let you guys know
that that's how being scammed happens.
And once again, even if she's not being scammed,
even if this is a real person,
he's already talking to her.
He's only had one brief phone conversation with her
and texting, and he's already talking in sexual talk.
I wanna snuggle you.
I wanna, what is, is he a pastor?
Because that's a huge red flag.
You guys, I talked to a private coaching client today,
and she showed me the receipts.
You guys know what receipts are, right?
Those are the text messages that you had going back
and forth with someone either on an app or on your phone.
And she told me that, you know,
the coaching that we've been doing is really working
because she used to have poor boundaries,
and she used to let a lot of things slide,
like our beautiful Ann Marie here,
just like giving people the benefit of the doubt
way too often.
Okay, that's what she used to be like.
And she wanted me to be proud of her
and see the receipts of her talking to a worship pastor
that she had met, that had found her in some singles group
and had requested her as a friend on Facebook
and then jumped into her DMs with,
hey, how are you, all the things.
And she showed me the receipts.
And you guys, the conversation started out normal.
I'm a worship pastor, oh yeah.
And then she, like Ann Marie,
she looked up some of this guy's, you know, music
and it was really powerful.
And she watched him playing live at his church.
And she was like, oh wow.
You know, that just makes her be like, oh wow,
this is awesome, can't wait to talk to this guy.
You know, until he starts asking her if she's a virgin
and then asking what he can do to her if they get married
and wanting to talk about what he's gonna do to her body
when they get married to each other
within one conversation, y'all, okay?
And then when she carded him and said,
hey, I thought you were supposed to be a worship pastor.
And he's like, oh, too religious for me, bye girl.
Right?
And then she did what a lot of women do
and I don't want any.
of you ladies to do this.
And gentlemen, if this should happen to you,
please don't do this either.
He tried to save him, right?
Oh, you really shouldn't be acting like this.
This is really inappropriate.
You're supposed to be a worship pastor
and you're so anointed.
I watched your videos.
No, bless him and block him.
Because all he did was start saying derogatory things
about her and to her, calling her religious
and saying it's just bad news.
You don't have to bring correction to someone.
If someone shows up at that level of spiritual maturity,
at that level of deprivation, okay?
They're not deprivation.
If they show up at that level of that, okay?
Then you believe them.
You don't try to save them.
You don't try to fix them.
You don't try to redeem the situation.
You just bless them and block them.
Do you understand?
Just do that, okay?
He was recently on a podcast too.
That was under his Facebook page
on another divorced Christian ladies.
And so I heard-
I mean, you haven't seen his face yet.
So we don't know that.
But for some reason, he doesn't want you to see his face.
Okay?
And what, yeah.
And that's another bad thing.
I mean, if it really is him
and he's doing the things that you're saying he's doing,
then he's just out there scamming people.
I'm not scamming-
Like, I don't mean scamming like he's not who he is,
but he's out there, you know, he's not godly.
That's the scam.
So it's either one scam or the other scam.
Do you understand that?
Yes, thank you.
You guys, I know that we want to build a fantasy
around things and we want things to be what we believe
that these things are, okay?
But I will tell you,
this is how people end up in really bad situations.
This is how people end up giving
huge sums of money to people
because they built this fantasy in their mind
of what's really happening between you and this person.
And I know that it feels good to be wanted.
I know that it feels good to be sought out at some level,
like this other girl that I'm telling you guys about,
how this guy dropped in her DMs
and paid her all this attention,
but it turns sexual really fast.
And you guys, pretty nasty sexual, okay?
And so I just want to let you guys know
that if we give any time and we give any attention
to people that show us this kind of stuff
right from the very beginning,
we're just going to end up in a place
where it's going to harden our hearts.
It is.
If we don't get into a bad situation with them, okay,
then it's just going to harden our hearts
towards men or towards women,
and we don't want that either, okay?
All right.
And I know that's especially probably hard to hear, Annmarie,
because I know that, you know,
you've been wanting to meet someone for a really long time,
and you're meeting this guy who seems like
really good-looking and all the things,
but you have to just pay attention
to the way that this man is treating you
and the way that he is, if it really is him,
and it's just not good.
All right, Lily, you're up.
All right.
I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to turn on my video.
I'm not in a, I can't do that right now.
It's okay, go ahead.
Let's see what time it is real quick.
I just want to be aware of the time
because Hunter wants to go too.
All right, we have eight minutes,
so I just need you to...
Okay, so I'm trying to figure out if this is a red flag.
There's one of the guys.
It's a blue flag.
One of the guys.
First of all, I want to ask you,
is it the same guy that we talked about last, Love Seats?
It's another guy.
Okay, so you've already let that guy go.
That's over, it's done.
It's still in process, but not serious.
Okay, let's go ahead.
Go ahead.
So this one here is still,
so we've been getting to know each other casually.
I've been casual about it.
It's been fun.
My concern is, I'm wondering if it's a red flag,
but he's still in contact with his ex-girlfriend.
They broke up in December,
and he constantly just vomits about her
when he feels anxious, I guess.
And I'm just trying to figure out
if I actually bring it up to him,
or if I just say,
maybe you might not be ready for a relationship.
How long have you known this guy for?
For a couple months.
Okay, and how many dates have you been on?
Eight.
Eight, okay.
And who broke up with who in his past relationship?
She.
told him that he could leave if he wanted to,
and he decided to leave, so.
What do you mean, told him he could leave?
Do they live together?
They live together.
Yeah, I don't think.
How long have they been broke up for?
Just December?
December of last year.
Yeah, I think that he needs to.
First of all, he's someone who's willing to live
with somebody outside of marriage,
so you know that about him.
Yeah.
And then second of all, you know,
the chances of it being a rebound are very good.
Especially since he's still in contact with her.
She ended it.
He may or may not have wanted it to be ended,
and there's just, yeah, there's just,
there's a lot of codependency,
it sounds like, in this situation.
Okay.
I mean, if you're willing to get to know him
and get your feelings involved
and then have him go back to her,
because that's very possible.
Yeah, okay.
So yeah, I think that, yeah,
tell him that, you know, he should do some hard work
because the fact that he's still in contact,
clean breaks heal the fastest,
he's obviously not done that.
And that every time he talks to you,
he's processing the relationship.
Right.
So, you don't need that.
You need someone who's ready to partner.
Yeah.
How do I tell him about the heart work?
I mean, you could just tell him,
hey, you know, I've done this program
and, you know, it's for men as well.
And it's really helped me to, you know,
move forward in my relationships and in my love life.
And it might be something that you want to look into,
especially when he's processing
his failed relationship with you.
That's kind of, that would be the invitation
to go ahead and say something about that.
Okay.
Got it.
Ladies and gentlemen, Lily and Anne-Marie,
you guys, we're not going to settle.
Listen, we're not going to settle.
I know that nobody's perfect.
And I'm the first one to tell you
that everybody has yellow flags.
You have yellow flags.
I have yellow flags.
We all do.
But the only thing that turns these flags green
and not red is that people are aware of them
and they are diligently working on them.
They have accountability.
They have mentorship.
They're in programs.
They're in therapy.
You guys, they have to be working on their yellow flags.
They have to be correctable.
Okay.
Obviously you're not their teacher,
but they have to be teachable.
They have to be looking for someone to help them
to overcome the things that they've done in the past
so they don't do them in the future.
We're not going to show up.
We're not going to have people showing up in our lives
right from day one, trying to be sexual with us.
They're for ulterior motives.
People who are not, you know,
doing us the honor of treating us with respect.
Okay, not being willing to see us in person
or not being willing to even FaceTime with us.
That's disrespectful.
That's someone who's hiding something.
I don't care what excuses they make.
Oh, I don't want anyone to see me here.
No, that's disrespectful.
That's not someone who wants to have
a real in-person relationship with you.
Okay.
Someone who has compromised their morals in the past.
Okay, fine.
We all make mistakes,
but this guy's fresh out of living with someone else
and he's not over the situation
because he has a soul tie.
It's very obvious.
And it sounds like it was a toxic situation
because they're living together.
And also she's like,
hey, you can leave if you want to.
And then he leaves,
but he's also still tied and attached.
You guys, we're not getting involved in this.
You want to know why?
Because we've been doing the work.
Say it with me.
We've been doing the work.
We have.
We've been showing up.
We've been pressing in.
We've been trusting God.
And we are not going to partner with anyone
who's not showing up and pressing in and trusting God.
We're not.
Period.
End of discussion.
All right, Hunter.
Literally 120 seconds to give me your backstory
and then I'm going to give you some advice.
And then we are going to call it a night.
What do you got?
Well, I went on to salt app and I,
and some woman, I said hi to me.
So I entered, I said hi back to her,
but she's, she's, she's from Mexico
and then moved to the UK.
She likes to travel.
I told her I like traveling too.
I traveled to Israel and she says, I like Europe.
And then she talks about how familiar
we share about families.
We got into good, good, healthy conversations
and good, healthy topics.
And then I got into football
and then I got to get into sports
and she likes soccer because soccer is fun.
You can, I told her I like football.
And then finally I ended the conversation
and I told her as a way of saying that,
I think I like the fact this conversation,
I'm liking this conversation with you.
Why don't we do some FaceTime?
And she agreed.
And I, but what time will be good?
So I always ask for an appointment
because she, we go for hours
where we don't get a response in the hours
because she's a different time zones.
And I instigated and today I just had one with her.
It was, it's, it's seven o'clock 40.
It was at two o'clock, three o'clock with her.
And I made the thing last 20 minutes, basically.
I want to know about your pool.
Did I execute right and be a leader or am I just an instigator?
Hunter, we're so proud of you.
Yes, you did great.
So how did the FaceTime go?
Did it go good?
Yeah, it went good.
Just 20 minutes.
Basically I try to, you know, how we try to be afraid of going in
a dates or bachelor thing while I, I'm not the kind who walks away.
I'd just say, you know what, let's just face it.
And then, so I, how do I, how do I get that fear of being on a phone date?
Go away.
Because if I, as a guy, you're just going to have to do more of them, but
did you ask her for another one?
Uh, no, but I was thinking by asking her, it was a nice talking with you,
but I think it's time I tried doing that.
Okay.
Yes.
So, you know, you need to follow up with her.
You just had that today and say, Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you.
You know, would you want to talk again?
And if so, when are you available?
You know, the more that you do it, Hunter, the more that you're
going to feel more at ease and go into the conversation prepared.
Okay.
Don't have a list of 101 questions that you're going to ask her, but have
a couple questions in your pocket.
And you know, you're going to ask, and then you're just going to be quiet.
You're going to listen to her response.
You're going to give her time to talk.
Women like it.
When we ask questions, women like it, when you ask us questions, as long as
they're not too personal and too intrusive, okay, we don't need to do, we
don't need to know what her favorite color is, but we need to know, we need
to know like, what is she passionate about?
What is she doing right now?
Where does she see herself in five years?
You know, things like that.
I know I never do that.
I try to talk about how are things in UK or how, and I'll tell
you about things in New York.
I can make a woman talk all she wants, but my hardest part is trying to listen.
Like, like as she talks, I got a sunrise.
What is, what's the whole thing she says?
Right.
You have to listen.
You have to be an attentive listener.
Okay.
You got to listen, not just think about what you're going to say next.
And you know what I do, Hunter?
Okay.
So as people have been talking, because my mind is like yours, it moves a lot.
It moves very fast.
And so because of that, I'll actually just write down little keywords as all of
these love seats were happening that way.
I don't lose my train of thought when it's my turn to respond.
Mm-hmm.
But that would be a good thing for you to be doodling, you
know, some keywords and things.
So when it's your turn to talk, you know what you're talking about and
you're not just like, okay, what are we talking about?
Because you forgot.
All right.
It's just level two.
Anyways, I'm trying to think, well, we go level three or something
because I don't know about sharing future yet.
Well, no, no, no sharing the future.
Okay.
You're doing great.
You've only had one little 20 minute FaceTime with this lady.
You need to get to know her a lot better before we're going to be
going into any kind of level three.
I know.
And I, and also I'm going to singles cruise too anyways.
So I don't know if I'm level three, I might, I might as well op out of it.
No, single cruise is not just about romance.
It's about community and it's going to be super fun.
Singles cruise registration still open.
It's in your resource tab.
Um, actually it's in your last year, single last year, single, I'm sorry.
Last trip, single group in the resource tab.
All right.
All of you guys have access to last trip, single group.
So that's where it is.
And you guys be paying attention cause we're about to put together.
Um, we're about to post some new retreats and different
things in there as well.
Good job, Hunter.
Everyone give him a virtual high five.
Give him some applause.
He did great.
We're very proud of you.
You've come a long way, bro.
Just keep going.
So ask her for the next face time.
Make sure that you have some questions to ask and make sure that
you're listening attentively.
If you have to doodle like me, then that will help keep you.
Another thing too, is I give a tech.
Go ahead.
We have to make it quick.
We got to go.
I know I texted her, but, and now you can wait for hours for a respond, but
you know what, I don't get worried or anything, get all anxious attachment.
Cause I just, I just wait and be patient because well, she's
in a different time zone.
So yeah, she'll respond probably at two or one in the morning.
Yes.
I'm glad that you are not being anxiously attached.
That's great Hunter.
You're doing great.
You've come a long way, bro.
We're really proud of you.
So friends, um, God is on the move.
We're seeing all kinds of people that have been part of this
community for a long time.
Our own Renee Rizzo.
I got to meet her boyfriend, um, soon to be fiance going to be husband.
There's no doubt in my mind that he is her spirit mate.
He's already relocated to be with her.
Amazing, amazing, amazing partnership already forming between the two of them.
personalities, their desires, their wants, everything is just so beautifully complimentary
and it's just so great you guys, so, so great. And so I just want to let you know and that's
happening to quite a few people. I've had quite a few people showing up and letting me know
that they are finally in a place where they're getting, they're going to be getting married and
so very, very exciting. Okay, so do not give up. God knows someone who knows someone who knows
your spirit mate. All right, so we're going to continue to go forward. Please stay connected
to community. Please post in community. Please let us know where you are. You guys, you can always,
I know you don't have to wait for love seats. You can always post something, a question,
anything in Ask Jackie, but also in your Ask a Coach tab on your app or in your Facebook group.
And we have lots of amazing peer coaches. You know, I know I'm an amazing coach, but we've
also trained a lot of coaches that are not me. Okay. And everyone has really sound good advice
based on our protocols here in Last Year Single. So Father God, I thank you for your sons and
daughters. I thank you for this time together. I thank you that you have a plan for each and
every one of them. Do not let them settle, Lord, for things that are unhealthy, things that are,
don't have clarity, God, that lack any kind of forward momentum. Do not allow them, Lord,
to become desperate in their search, Lord. They're not searching, Lord. All they're doing
is allowing you to continue to heal their hearts so that they can be found. Both men and women,
God, you are the matchmaker, Lord. And so we thank you that you're allowing paths to cross,
that you're highlighting them from heaven so that they can meet their spirit mates. And so, Lord,
anything that they need to do, anything they need to prune, anything that they need to declare,
this is it. And if you don't understand that, go listen to Supernatural Saturday,
anything that they need to declare that this is it, God, I pray that you would just bring that
out from the unconscious to their conscious minds and let them surrender and submit to that
so that they can get some momentum. In Jesus' name, let it be so, and amen. All right, friends,
it was so good to be with you tonight. Do not be discouraged. I feel like there's discouragement
that's trying to grab ahold of some of you, but I promise you, you're much closer than you think
you are. Continue to trust God, continue to do the work, and it will happen. I'll see you soon.
you