Oh, hello, hello, hello. Here we are again. This week is week four. And I learned this
week I couldn't do both love and forgiveness all in one shoot. So we're going to do one
thing today, wouldn't you love? And then we're going to do forgiveness next week. So I'm
not overloading you. And we're keeping these into short, deep dive sessions. So welcome
back. And how did you get on with your words? Let's get straight into it today because I
know you guys have got a lot to do. And so we don't want to waste any time. Oh, that's
not what I was looking for at all. That's better. Okay, so what I want you to do first,
if we don't pause and reflect on how we've come, we're not giving honour to God because
we're actually just living it and not looking, not seeing his goodness and his mercy. So
last week, we did the power of words and the shield of faith and the mirror. And I
want you to consider three things. First of the insights that you gained. So those key
takeaways that you had from last week's session on the power of words and your shield of faith
or your mirror. You know, I love the fact that it's all pretty straightforward. But
what were the things that stood out for you? And that lovely mirror was also during this
week, we've had some conversations, it's actually sometimes you put your hand up to stop somebody,
but just to let them know that actually look at themselves as they're speaking. So that
mirror is for you. So you can look at yourself in the mirror, but also for them to look at
themselves in the mirror, you and those around you to become self aware.
So that's just what I noticed this week, it was a real eye opener, just walking through this,
you know, I've taught this for years. So it's not like this is new to me. But it was,
I love how God reveals even more every time we go through it. And then your integration
of learnings, how have you applied the concepts of the words in your daily life? And have you
noticed any shifts in your mindset? You know, words for me has been one of the key things.
It's like, am I uplifting? Am I being kind? Am I encouraging? Am I empowering? Is every word I
speak honoring and respecting the other person and myself and God? You know, because at the end
of the day, we're here, we're his handiwork, we're here to do his good works. So it's just really,
am I just open heaven into me and then out. So you have a think about what that is for you.
And then oops, we've got this one, I didn't realize we'd save this with the comments from
earlier. And then your engagement with others, you know, what are you engaging in with others?
Has it, you know, made any difference? Have you used the tools? And is it giving you more
meaningful relationships? You know, we have seen this week, I'm not kidding you, I have seen chains
broken, as we've worked through Fruits of the Spirit.
In both of our spaces, so in the online space, and in the in person space, I have just literally
seen countenance shift and change, like literally change. We've got people who are glowing,
because they've been set free. And they've been set free by the words that we're reading by the
words we're speaking over each other by the words, it's by the word, it's beautiful. And
then I want you to just reflect on where you feel you are coming into today's training. And actually,
you know, I'm still going to give myself the same score I did before. I know I came out as a higher
score. But I'm just new is the number for new beginnings, and eight rather is the number for
new beginnings. And that's exactly where I feel I am. It's like there's a fresh wind, there's an
excitement, there's a new beginning coming. So well done, you can pause, you can write all your
things in, you can reflect, I just want you to take a moment each week to just reflect on what
you've learned. Because as you reflect, you're actually building more of those runways in your
brain so that you will become a highway for you. And then this is not a topic that I that is new
to people who've coached with me before. But by golly, what God has added is like level. I've
coached this for five years. And there was so much more today when I was doing it was like,
oh my goodness, this is just, it's like, boff, you can never learn it all. It's nuts. Anyway,
there are two concepts I'm going to flick, you can make your
it's in here. Ultimately, we're going to look at the dreaded
drama triangle, which is Dr. Stephen Cartman's work. And that
is head driven. It's all about a fixed mindset being trapped in
cycles of codependency. It's all about power. And it's all about
being problem focused and limited with fear. Now, I'm not
quite sure what we've got fear here comes from, or love of, but
we'll work that out later. So reflection on the empowerment
dynamic is the other side. So we've got one side, which is all
about the enemy, little toad. And then we've got the other
side, which is all about God, bring it on. And so the
empowerment dynamic, which is a book written by David Emerald,
real short, lovely little book is heart driven. Because one of
the things you're going to notice is that your head does
not inform your heart, your heart informs your head. So when
people go, I wish this knowledge would drop the 10
inches to my heart. What you want is for it to stir up in
your heart and inform your head. So where we have an open
mindset, we interdependent, we work better together, rather
than being codependent. We're encouraging, and we've got
personal responsibility, we take responsibility for what we speak
and what we do and where we are. And we do what we've just done
self reflection. And it's an opportunity to be focused and
to be limitless. Because let me tell you, the dreaded drama
triangle is limited, it's enclosed, it's downward looking.
So you can make your own notes in these boxes, while I just
show you this brand spanking new dynamic that we've got going on
here, and this little graphic. And Natty, I'd love your
feedback on this because you are my graphic queen. So here we've
got the dreaded drama triangle. And I have to confess, we've got
creator there and it should be rescuer. So just, I'm sorry,
we've got a print issue here. So what we've got is we've got the
persecutor. Everything's bad. They're the Oh my goodness,
they're the one we blame. It's like, Oh my goodness, no, you
did this. I'm like, I'm an alcoholic, because my parents
were alcoholics, because that's the persecution. That's the
thing. Victim, I can't do anything about it. Because
actually, that's how my parents were. Oh my goodness. No, I
can't do this. Because whatever the reason is, victim, victim,
hands off, I can't. And then we've got the rescuer. Now the
rescuer eventually becomes a coach when we're in empowerment
dynamic, but a rescuer is, I'll do that for you. Oh, oh, let me
cook you that meal. Let me do that for you. Let me do that.
Let me vacuum for you every week. And now the caretaker,
they take away the care, because they do it for you. Unhelpful.
It's great for the moment. It's like that old, I think it's a
Chinese proverb that says you can feed a man a fish and he can
eat for a day. Teach a man to fish comes into the coach, and
he can feed himself for the rest of his life. Bring it on. So
instead of being the rescuer, you know, trying to be all
things to everybody, let's just be the coach in the lane that
we're meant to be. So as you can see, this takes you down. This
whole victim, rescuer, persecutor, codependency, all
about power, all about fear, false evidence appearing real
looks good on the surface. But when you dig a bit deeper, it's
pretty ugly. And it's a fixed mindset. It can only be this
way. So we get very stuck in our ways. So takes you down. And
actually, as Lee on a live call said, she said, Oh, look at the
weight of that, like the top is really heavy, it weighs you
down. Whereas when you look at the empowerment dynamic, you
flip, take responsibility flip to the other. Oh, up you go. And
it's light, it's light at the top. It's not heavy at the top.
It's light, bring it on. So what we do, we flip into the
empowerment dynamic, we go into God's space. And instead of
being a victim, we become the creator. How can I, how can I do
this? I can't, it's all sad. So how can I, how can I create
this? And then instead of being the persecutor, the bad thing,
oh my goodness, it's like, yes, this is my next step. This is
for me to claim my inheritance. This is where God wants me to
be. It's so exciting. It's the challenge to step you up higher.
How cool is that? Totally different, negative, positive,
boom, job done. And then as we just said, instead of being a
rescuer, you become a coach, you become a caregiver, you give the
people the tools to do it. So that's my little reflection on
there. You can make some comments in here about the
dreaded drama triangle, ugly, and the empowerment dynamic.
and make it beautiful, just quietly.
Anyway, and then here, I put victim as the back foot.
It's like you're on the back foot.
It's like you're always going,
it's like, oh, let me just step back a moment.
Whereas the victor is on the front foot.
It's not aggressive, but it's on the front foot.
You're ready to go, you're leaning in.
I could have put leaning out, leaning in.
Doesn't really matter, both are the same thing.
So when we're in fear, false evidence appearing real,
hanging out in the enemy's space, unhelpful,
not gonna get us anywhere.
When we're in love, living out valor or courage every day,
we're in God's space.
Yes, upwards, wonderful, living it.
So here, I'm just gonna give you four areas.
We have done this before.
Kev and I have been tweaking some of this information,
but I just want you to consider,
we've changed some things, we've upgraded,
we've thought again.
So fear is about a fixed mindset.
Love is about an open mindset.
When we're in fixed mindset mode,
and remember, we can fall into this at any time.
This is our default mode.
We can be problem focused.
Oh my goodness, this is bad.
Oh my goodness, have you seen this on the news?
Oh my goodness, we're not praying about Israel.
And let me tell you, we should be praying about Israel.
I feel we should be praying about Israel.
So that's my responsibility, need to get on with it.
But whatever the situation is,
we can look at what we're not doing,
or we can go, okay, actually,
currently my church isn't praying about Israel, but I can.
I can do something about that.
And in city prayer, I can do something about that.
So what's my solution?
I can pray personally, I can pray with Kev,
and outcome focused, I can pray at city prayer.
Boom, okay.
So I can look at the problem and stay there,
or I can look at the promise.
And then, you know, when we're in fear,
we cling to procedure.
Oh no, it's always been done this way.
You have to be there at this time, and you have to do this.
By the way, you can't sit down for dinner
until you've laid the table.
Whatever it might be, very fixed to how things go.
Whereas when we're in love and the empowerment dynamic,
we're looking at where we want to go,
but how we get there, we can move.
As long as we're moving in the right direction,
there's a flexibility, there's a flow
that allows you to move as you get there.
There's a freedom to move,
rather than being rigid and having to stay in this box.
Actually, I'll try this.
I'll give this a go.
Oh, that might be a bit better.
It just allows us to move.
And when we're in fear, we can take a fence.
Now, I call a fence, a fence,
because a fence physically stops us.
And when we take an o-fence,
we put an invisible fence between us
and the other person, unhelpful.
Whereas when we're living in love, we forgive,
and forgiveness helps us find the gate,
because forgiveness allows us to lean in and be together.
Whereas that fence takes us away, unhelpful.
And then in fear, we think things are impossible.
I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't do the other.
It's not possible for me.
It's not for me, it's for somebody else.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Whereas in love, we know that all things,
we can do all things in Christ who strengthens us.
So I'm possible.
I am his God.
So Christ lives in us.
We're possible, because he's possible.
It's pretty cool.
So what I've left, I've left you the notes areas
so that you can, during this week,
just think about, am I in love or am I in fear?
Am I moving towards God or away from God?
Has this triggered me?
Do I need to think about something?
So just consider where these,
because they will happen in both spaces.
Many of you will be more in the love space
and in the fear space, that's fine.
But none of us are perfect,
so we'll fall into those spaces.
I've been in that fear space this week.
It's been unhelpful.
Anyway, we're back where we need to be now, so that's good.
Okay, and then fear can tell you,
sorry, I'll try not to scroll up and down.
Fear can tell you that things happen to you.
So it's like, oh, that happened to me,
that happened to me, but actually,
and I actually think that I need to move,
I need to move so that these things happen for me
in that space too,
because love tells me that things happen because of me.
I'm creating, I'm living my life by design.
So if I'm living my life by design,
things are happening because of me.
And yes, they are happening for me too.
There's just wonderful things that are happening,
but it's because of the actions I take.
It's because of the choices I take.
So when we're in fear,
we compare where we are now with where we want to be.
And this gap between the two,
as we grow and we learn, the gap will also keep going.
So the gap never changes, pretty much.
We're always learning and growing and we always want more.
So we compare ourselves the ideal we compare ourselves to somebody else or whatever and it makes us
It actually makes the gap bigger because it makes us feel worse and we withdraw
Whereas if we are going to measure the gains
What have I learned from this? What can I do better? So here's where we want to go
Oh just did this today. I did this today. I did this today. I did this today
We're measuring our progress and even though this is moving with us. What we're doing is we're looking at the progress. We're making the gain
Not this the gap between the two so love is looking at the you know donners
Winners have done lists. It's all about that
When we're living in fear, we think we've got no control. We also give our responsibility away. Oh
No, I can't do this because so-and-so hasn't got back to me. Oh, no, that's so-and-so's job
That's so-and-so's whatever it might be or you know what? We haven't got dinner tonight because Kif didn't cook it
Well, guess what it's time for me to take control and cook it for myself, it's quietly
So whatever it is, you know go into love. What can I do? I take control. Oh my goodness
I thought Alan was cooking dinner tonight. He's fast asleep. He's had a few shifts
Let me just take cook dinner, which is exactly what happened last night
so and
Then we've got again fear. I have to I have to do. Oh my goodness
I had to cook supper last night. Otherwise, nobody would have eaten. Oh my goodness
I have to take the dog for a walk. Otherwise, there could be a mess. Oh, I have to do this video
It sounds terrible and it makes you feel like oh, I can just feel the weight as I'm saying it
Or I can say I get to walk the dog. I get to walk the dog. Listen to my podcast
I get some exercise. I get some fresh air
I get to do this video because it's like I love this stuff and it frees people and it's so exciting. I
Got to cook dinner last night wasn't expecting to but I did brilliant
Just that one word difference shifts us from the negative to the positive
From other things being in control to me being in control. It's beautiful
And then when we're living in fear and things happen to me we focus on what's wrong. Oh my goodness
The weather was terrible. Oh my goodness. This has happened. Oh my goodness as opposed to focusing on what's going well
So you can track what you focus on expands the choice is yours
So do you want to expand the rubbish the things that go wrong or do you want to expand the good stuff?
It's going well. Well, just depends which way you look if you look that way you'll get that one
If you look that way you'll get the other choice is yours
so we get to choose in every moment whether we're choosing fear or love and
Then the back foot front foot. Here we go again. So you can look from a pain
Perspective what's going wrong? I can't or a promise perspective
What does God say about it? What's he showing me? How can I come on God show me a way?
So I can't becomes how can I and when we partner with God?
There is more with us than is against us the bone we're done and actually there's three plus me
There's God Jesus the Holy Spirit and me. So there's four of us at any time, which is the number of completeness
fantastic, so
Problem we can focus on the problem or we can focus and say oh, this is a challenge. It's gonna step me up
oh my goodness the key to the next door of
Wisdom insight knowledge upgrade is in on the other side of that problem. There's every problem as a promise attached
And then if we're in victim mindset
This is here to break me. It's bad. It's terrible. Oh my goodness
God is punishing me what BS I shouldn't you say that but you know
Like we do we get into that space some people do and it's like it is so is not punishing you
I can tell you that right now
He's wanting to build you. He's wanting to grow you. He's actually wanting to hang out with you more
That's the key all of this good or bad. It's to help us have a healthier better relationship with God
it's to draw us closer to the mat to the God who created us and
Then in fear, we often look for the rescuer and then find the persecutor
Oh, I want my knight in shining armor and he turns out to be a horrible person. Oh
My goodness. I just want such-and-such to save me from this
But only knight in shining armor is Jesus. So don't be looking anywhere else. It's unhelpful
But if we ask Jesus if we ask him for our help we ask questions of him and each other to gain
understanding
Boom, we open the doors of heaven. How cool is that?
So we get to live heaven in hell, or we can get to live hell in heaven. The choice is yours
Just depends which side of the side of the fence you choose to go
And then we've also
So we've got misbeliefs or true beliefs. Now misbeliefs, M-I-S-S beliefs or true beliefs
because the enemy is not stupid, well he is stupid actually, he's limited and he's stupid
but he often tells half-truths so there kind of is a belief and a truth in there but it's
misrepresented, it's missed, it's off target. True beliefs bring us into alignment.
So a misbelief is my life is always going to be this way. I really encourage people
to look at their lives through decades. So if you look in your past decades, 0-10, you
know 11-20, 21-30, 31-40, whatever it is for you and you look at what you've achieved during
those decades, you'll be like, you'll be like holy moly and people say I didn't do much
in my first 10 years of life. Oh no, you learn to walk, you learn to talk, you learn to possibly
ride a bike, you learn to eat and feed yourself, you learn to dress yourself, you possibly
learn to make your bed, you learn to go to school, you learn to interact with others,
you learn what play is about, you found friends, holy moly, heaps happened. You know in that
11-20, some people got their degrees, you know some people stepped out of school and
started their lives. Some people even met their future wives at that point, or husbands
at that point in time. So anyway, when you look back, you see how much you've changed
and then it helps you to understand that actually, just because you didn't, you changed it doesn't
mean it's going to stop. You're going to continue changing right the way through to the end
until you get to heaven. How cool is that? Because you're being renewed every day so
you win or you learn. You step up, it's going to change, you're going to win, you're going
to learn, you're going to keep growing. It's superb. And then the other thing that misbelief
is it's all about staying safe. Oh no, I couldn't possibly do that. I couldn't possibly do that.
I couldn't possibly, you know, have to lead a song sometimes at worship. That scares the
living what's it out of me. But if I need to, I've got to just step up and do it. I'm
comfortable as a backing vocalist because then I can just focus on Jesus. But sometimes
actually we've got to step out in faith and do some stuff for our friends and for the
team. And we've got to do it for a bigger picture than just ourselves and Jesus. Well
it is Jesus, it's still Jesus, but it's like instead of it just being about me and him,
it's about everyone and him and helping the team if that's what is needed to be done.
And then, you know, your misbeliefs are past, present, living from the past. Oh, well, you
know, my family's always been like this. Oh, well, I've never managed to ride a bike so
I'm never going to ride a bike. What the heck? Give it a go. I did. And I didn't ride
a bike as a kid. Shocking. Terrible. I much prefer to have a horse. But anyway, learned
to ride it, can get on it, went and did the Otago Rail Trail. Brilliant. Did it. Okay,
so future present is actually I can do this. And I'm living from who I want to become.
And I'm bringing it into my present. Because we the present is the gift of today. We don't
live in the past, it's been and gone. We don't live in the future because it hasn't
come yet. We live in the present, which is the gift of today. It's interesting that we
also live in God's presence, which is a gift. Everything's a gift. You know, he initiates,
we just sit here and receive. It's flippant, brilliant. Anyway, that's another story for
another day. Okay, I am not going to go into forgiveness or unforgiveness this week. I'm
going to let this be for you. But what I would like you to do is just pause for a moment.
And recognize when you are in the dreaded drama triangle. And understand that it keeps
you trapped in codependency, it keeps you trapped in the enemy's hands, unhelpful. And,
you know, unfulfilling, limiting patterns of behavior. So thank you, you are the weakest
link. Goodbye. Or as one of our gorgeous people said this week, no more Satan, you're done. I'm
walking this way. Enough's enough. I've had enough of you. You're a weasel. You're unhelpful. I'm
going to go and drink from the fountain of life. And I'm off in this direction. So embrace that
empowerment dynamic, shift your mindset into being right standing with him, ask new questions,
because they'll give you new answers. Take responsibility for your actions and create a
more fulfilling life. And choose your reality. Acknowledge that you have the choice in every
moment. Am I choosing the enemy? Or am I choosing God? Am I choosing unhelpful things or helpful
things?
as I said you can live heaven in hell or hell in heaven the choice is yours so we will look at
next week on forgiveness oh look here we go these are the summaries from the last
course I did live this morning but one of the things that we say call to actions think about
your call to action what do you want to do with this coaching and training this week
and this morning we talked about just being aware aware of whether I'm in the dreaded
drama triangle and the impoundment dynamic and then if I'm in a moment where I'm uncomfortable
or I'm unhappy or things just aren't going right let it be let those instead of blocking those
emotions off and shutting them down because they're going to bubble up somewhere and they're
going to be toxic inside of you let them be accept that you're feeling sad accept that
you're feeling hurt accept that that hasn't hasn't been how you wanted it embrace it
exchange it let it go
exchange it and let it go and then pull in what is good and noble and right and true
and then engaging our hearts not our heads it's our heads that you know our emotions come
but we then process it with our heads it's what our heads do with it that becomes a problem because
then it gets us fixed and it gets us going down an unhelpful track so engage in your heart
press the pause button okay I'm feeling unhappy I'm feeling like I've been mistreated whatever it
might be okay what can I do to change that how can I get into the empowerment dynamic how can I
get back into God's favor what come on God what are you what do you see that I don't see and that
to be honest is what happens for me I got okay what's in front of me what I expected is not what
I thought it was going to be this is who you are what show me show me bridge that gap for me God
show me what I can't see right now because I know this is for good I know that you're showing
me something I know that you're raising me up and every time he does and every time he does
I get to cover the unkindness I get to cover that with his love brilliant and I'm free to go
free to get on with what I need to get on with your heart informs your mind not your mind informing
your heart so just be aware of that and then again I just would encourage you to give yourself a
score out of 10 and I'm actually going to give myself the same score as I gave myself this morning
which was a nine and you know what I'm inspired I'm ready I'm ready to fight the good fight the
fight the good fight is not with each other it's actually just getting out and being who I'm called
to be so um and I'm actually going to call that it wasn't like I had this morning but that's okay
we've had a dose and said fight the good fight that's where I feel I'm at just stand
just stand for what's noble right and true so remember it's all about love insight freedom
and engagement it's time to live your life with courage and with valor so I hope today's training
has been helpful we will do unforgiveness or forgiveness and unforgiveness next week
but I'd much rather that you just soaked this in slow learning is good learning and rather than
rushing this let's just do one thing at a time and do it really well so that it goes deep into
our hearts and then the overflow comes out because out of our hearts our mouths speak and as we speak
it informs our minds so it's really important that we have that beautiful cycle of going so
God bless you I love you thank you for sharing spending this time with me over your weekend
I hope these sheets are helpful and please let me know message me Sal that was really helpful
oh my goodness I did this I'd love to know how you are because you guys I don't get to see you
and it kind of breaks my heart a bit that I don't get to see some of you
so let me know how you're going I love you God bless you and we'll see you next week take care