WEBVTT

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Oh, hello, hello, hello. Here we are again. This week is week four. And I learned this

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week I couldn't do both love and forgiveness all in one shoot. So we're going to do one

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thing today, wouldn't you love? And then we're going to do forgiveness next week. So I'm

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not overloading you. And we're keeping these into short, deep dive sessions. So welcome

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back. And how did you get on with your words? Let's get straight into it today because I

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know you guys have got a lot to do. And so we don't want to waste any time. Oh, that's

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not what I was looking for at all. That's better. Okay, so what I want you to do first,

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if we don't pause and reflect on how we've come, we're not giving honour to God because

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we're actually just living it and not looking, not seeing his goodness and his mercy. So

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last week, we did the power of words and the shield of faith and the mirror. And I

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want you to consider three things. First of the insights that you gained. So those key

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takeaways that you had from last week's session on the power of words and your shield of faith

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or your mirror. You know, I love the fact that it's all pretty straightforward. But

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what were the things that stood out for you? And that lovely mirror was also during this

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week, we've had some conversations, it's actually sometimes you put your hand up to stop somebody,

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but just to let them know that actually look at themselves as they're speaking. So that

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mirror is for you. So you can look at yourself in the mirror, but also for them to look at

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themselves in the mirror, you and those around you to become self aware.

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So that's just what I noticed this week, it was a real eye opener, just walking through this,

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you know, I've taught this for years. So it's not like this is new to me. But it was,

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I love how God reveals even more every time we go through it. And then your integration

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of learnings, how have you applied the concepts of the words in your daily life? And have you

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noticed any shifts in your mindset? You know, words for me has been one of the key things.

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It's like, am I uplifting? Am I being kind? Am I encouraging? Am I empowering? Is every word I

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speak honoring and respecting the other person and myself and God? You know, because at the end

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of the day, we're here, we're his handiwork, we're here to do his good works. So it's just really,

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am I just open heaven into me and then out. So you have a think about what that is for you.

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And then oops, we've got this one, I didn't realize we'd save this with the comments from

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earlier. And then your engagement with others, you know, what are you engaging in with others?

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Has it, you know, made any difference? Have you used the tools? And is it giving you more

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meaningful relationships? You know, we have seen this week, I'm not kidding you, I have seen chains

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broken, as we've worked through Fruits of the Spirit.

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In both of our spaces, so in the online space, and in the in person space, I have just literally

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seen countenance shift and change, like literally change. We've got people who are glowing,

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because they've been set free. And they've been set free by the words that we're reading by the

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words we're speaking over each other by the words, it's by the word, it's beautiful. And

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then I want you to just reflect on where you feel you are coming into today's training. And actually,

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you know, I'm still going to give myself the same score I did before. I know I came out as a higher

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score. But I'm just new is the number for new beginnings, and eight rather is the number for

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new beginnings. And that's exactly where I feel I am. It's like there's a fresh wind, there's an

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excitement, there's a new beginning coming. So well done, you can pause, you can write all your

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things in, you can reflect, I just want you to take a moment each week to just reflect on what

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you've learned. Because as you reflect, you're actually building more of those runways in your

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brain so that you will become a highway for you. And then this is not a topic that I that is new

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to people who've coached with me before. But by golly, what God has added is like level. I've

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coached this for five years. And there was so much more today when I was doing it was like,

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oh my goodness, this is just, it's like, boff, you can never learn it all. It's nuts. Anyway,

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there are two concepts I'm going to flick, you can make your

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it's in here. Ultimately, we're going to look at the dreaded

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drama triangle, which is Dr. Stephen Cartman's work. And that

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is head driven. It's all about a fixed mindset being trapped in

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cycles of codependency. It's all about power. And it's all about

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being problem focused and limited with fear. Now, I'm not

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quite sure what we've got fear here comes from, or love of, but

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we'll work that out later. So reflection on the empowerment

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dynamic is the other side. So we've got one side, which is all

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about the enemy, little toad. And then we've got the other

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side, which is all about God, bring it on. And so the

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empowerment dynamic, which is a book written by David Emerald,

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real short, lovely little book is heart driven. Because one of

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the things you're going to notice is that your head does

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not inform your heart, your heart informs your head. So when

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people go, I wish this knowledge would drop the 10

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inches to my heart. What you want is for it to stir up in

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your heart and inform your head. So where we have an open

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mindset, we interdependent, we work better together, rather

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than being codependent. We're encouraging, and we've got

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personal responsibility, we take responsibility for what we speak

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and what we do and where we are. And we do what we've just done

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self reflection. And it's an opportunity to be focused and

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to be limitless. Because let me tell you, the dreaded drama

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triangle is limited, it's enclosed, it's downward looking.

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So you can make your own notes in these boxes, while I just

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show you this brand spanking new dynamic that we've got going on

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here, and this little graphic. And Natty, I'd love your

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feedback on this because you are my graphic queen. So here we've

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got the dreaded drama triangle. And I have to confess, we've got

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creator there and it should be rescuer. So just, I'm sorry,

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we've got a print issue here. So what we've got is we've got the

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persecutor. Everything's bad. They're the Oh my goodness,

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they're the one we blame. It's like, Oh my goodness, no, you

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did this. I'm like, I'm an alcoholic, because my parents

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were alcoholics, because that's the persecution. That's the

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thing. Victim, I can't do anything about it. Because

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actually, that's how my parents were. Oh my goodness. No, I

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can't do this. Because whatever the reason is, victim, victim,

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hands off, I can't. And then we've got the rescuer. Now the

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rescuer eventually becomes a coach when we're in empowerment

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dynamic, but a rescuer is, I'll do that for you. Oh, oh, let me

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cook you that meal. Let me do that for you. Let me do that.

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Let me vacuum for you every week. And now the caretaker,

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they take away the care, because they do it for you. Unhelpful.

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It's great for the moment. It's like that old, I think it's a

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Chinese proverb that says you can feed a man a fish and he can

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eat for a day. Teach a man to fish comes into the coach, and

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he can feed himself for the rest of his life. Bring it on. So

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instead of being the rescuer, you know, trying to be all

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things to everybody, let's just be the coach in the lane that

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we're meant to be. So as you can see, this takes you down. This

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whole victim, rescuer, persecutor, codependency, all

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about power, all about fear, false evidence appearing real

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looks good on the surface. But when you dig a bit deeper, it's

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pretty ugly. And it's a fixed mindset. It can only be this

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way. So we get very stuck in our ways. So takes you down. And

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actually, as Lee on a live call said, she said, Oh, look at the

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weight of that, like the top is really heavy, it weighs you

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down. Whereas when you look at the empowerment dynamic, you

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flip, take responsibility flip to the other. Oh, up you go. And

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it's light, it's light at the top. It's not heavy at the top.

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It's light, bring it on. So what we do, we flip into the

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empowerment dynamic, we go into God's space. And instead of

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being a victim, we become the creator. How can I, how can I do

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this? I can't, it's all sad. So how can I, how can I create

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this? And then instead of being the persecutor, the bad thing,

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oh my goodness, it's like, yes, this is my next step. This is

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for me to claim my inheritance. This is where God wants me to

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be. It's so exciting. It's the challenge to step you up higher.

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How cool is that? Totally different, negative, positive,

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boom, job done. And then as we just said, instead of being a

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rescuer, you become a coach, you become a caregiver, you give the

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people the tools to do it. So that's my little reflection on

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there. You can make some comments in here about the

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dreaded drama triangle, ugly, and the empowerment dynamic.

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and make it beautiful, just quietly.

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Anyway, and then here, I put victim as the back foot.

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It's like you're on the back foot.

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It's like you're always going,

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it's like, oh, let me just step back a moment.

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Whereas the victor is on the front foot.

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It's not aggressive, but it's on the front foot.

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You're ready to go, you're leaning in.

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I could have put leaning out, leaning in.

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Doesn't really matter, both are the same thing.

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So when we're in fear, false evidence appearing real,

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hanging out in the enemy's space, unhelpful,

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not gonna get us anywhere.

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When we're in love, living out valor or courage every day,

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we're in God's space.

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Yes, upwards, wonderful, living it.

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So here, I'm just gonna give you four areas.

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We have done this before.

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Kev and I have been tweaking some of this information,

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but I just want you to consider,

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we've changed some things, we've upgraded,

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we've thought again.

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So fear is about a fixed mindset.

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Love is about an open mindset.

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When we're in fixed mindset mode,

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and remember, we can fall into this at any time.

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This is our default mode.

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We can be problem focused.

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Oh my goodness, this is bad.

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Oh my goodness, have you seen this on the news?

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Oh my goodness, we're not praying about Israel.

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And let me tell you, we should be praying about Israel.

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I feel we should be praying about Israel.

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So that's my responsibility, need to get on with it.

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But whatever the situation is,

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we can look at what we're not doing,

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or we can go, okay, actually,

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currently my church isn't praying about Israel, but I can.

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I can do something about that.

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And in city prayer, I can do something about that.

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So what's my solution?

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I can pray personally, I can pray with Kev,

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and outcome focused, I can pray at city prayer.

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Boom, okay.

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So I can look at the problem and stay there,

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or I can look at the promise.

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And then, you know, when we're in fear,

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we cling to procedure.

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Oh no, it's always been done this way.

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You have to be there at this time, and you have to do this.

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By the way, you can't sit down for dinner

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until you've laid the table.

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Whatever it might be, very fixed to how things go.

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Whereas when we're in love and the empowerment dynamic,

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we're looking at where we want to go,

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but how we get there, we can move.

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As long as we're moving in the right direction,

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there's a flexibility, there's a flow

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that allows you to move as you get there.

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There's a freedom to move,

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rather than being rigid and having to stay in this box.

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Actually, I'll try this.

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I'll give this a go.

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Oh, that might be a bit better.

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It just allows us to move.

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And when we're in fear, we can take a fence.

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Now, I call a fence, a fence,

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because a fence physically stops us.

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And when we take an o-fence,

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we put an invisible fence between us

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and the other person, unhelpful.

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Whereas when we're living in love, we forgive,

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and forgiveness helps us find the gate,

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because forgiveness allows us to lean in and be together.

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Whereas that fence takes us away, unhelpful.

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And then in fear, we think things are impossible.

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I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't do the other.

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It's not possible for me.

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It's not for me, it's for somebody else.

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Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

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Whereas in love, we know that all things,

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we can do all things in Christ who strengthens us.

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So I'm possible.

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I am his God.

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So Christ lives in us.

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We're possible, because he's possible.

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It's pretty cool.

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So what I've left, I've left you the notes areas

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so that you can, during this week,

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just think about, am I in love or am I in fear?

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Am I moving towards God or away from God?

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Has this triggered me?

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Do I need to think about something?

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So just consider where these,

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because they will happen in both spaces.

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Many of you will be more in the love space

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and in the fear space, that's fine.

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But none of us are perfect,

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so we'll fall into those spaces.

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I've been in that fear space this week.

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It's been unhelpful.

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Anyway, we're back where we need to be now, so that's good.

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Okay, and then fear can tell you,

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sorry, I'll try not to scroll up and down.

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Fear can tell you that things happen to you.

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So it's like, oh, that happened to me,

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that happened to me, but actually,

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and I actually think that I need to move,

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I need to move so that these things happen for me

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in that space too,

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because love tells me that things happen because of me.

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I'm creating, I'm living my life by design.

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So if I'm living my life by design,

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things are happening because of me.

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And yes, they are happening for me too.

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There's just wonderful things that are happening,

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but it's because of the actions I take.

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It's because of the choices I take.

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So when we're in fear,

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we compare where we are now with where we want to be.

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And this gap between the two,

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as we grow and we learn, the gap will also keep going.

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So the gap never changes, pretty much.

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We're always learning and growing and we always want more.

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So we compare ourselves the ideal we compare ourselves to somebody else or whatever and it makes us

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It actually makes the gap bigger because it makes us feel worse and we withdraw

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Whereas if we are going to measure the gains

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What have I learned from this? What can I do better? So here's where we want to go

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Oh just did this today. I did this today. I did this today. I did this today

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We're measuring our progress and even though this is moving with us. What we're doing is we're looking at the progress. We're making the gain

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Not this the gap between the two so love is looking at the you know donners

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Winners have done lists. It's all about that

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When we're living in fear, we think we've got no control. We also give our responsibility away. Oh

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No, I can't do this because so-and-so hasn't got back to me. Oh, no, that's so-and-so's job

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That's so-and-so's whatever it might be or you know what? We haven't got dinner tonight because Kif didn't cook it

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Well, guess what it's time for me to take control and cook it for myself, it's quietly

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So whatever it is, you know go into love. What can I do? I take control. Oh my goodness

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I thought Alan was cooking dinner tonight. He's fast asleep. He's had a few shifts

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Let me just take cook dinner, which is exactly what happened last night

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so and

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Then we've got again fear. I have to I have to do. Oh my goodness

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I had to cook supper last night. Otherwise, nobody would have eaten. Oh my goodness

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I have to take the dog for a walk. Otherwise, there could be a mess. Oh, I have to do this video

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It sounds terrible and it makes you feel like oh, I can just feel the weight as I'm saying it

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Or I can say I get to walk the dog. I get to walk the dog. Listen to my podcast

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I get some exercise. I get some fresh air

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I get to do this video because it's like I love this stuff and it frees people and it's so exciting. I

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Got to cook dinner last night wasn't expecting to but I did brilliant

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Just that one word difference shifts us from the negative to the positive

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From other things being in control to me being in control. It's beautiful

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And then when we're living in fear and things happen to me we focus on what's wrong. Oh my goodness

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The weather was terrible. Oh my goodness. This has happened. Oh my goodness as opposed to focusing on what's going well

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So you can track what you focus on expands the choice is yours

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So do you want to expand the rubbish the things that go wrong or do you want to expand the good stuff?

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It's going well. Well, just depends which way you look if you look that way you'll get that one

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If you look that way you'll get the other choice is yours

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so we get to choose in every moment whether we're choosing fear or love and

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Then the back foot front foot. Here we go again. So you can look from a pain

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Perspective what's going wrong? I can't or a promise perspective

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What does God say about it? What's he showing me? How can I come on God show me a way?

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So I can't becomes how can I and when we partner with God?

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There is more with us than is against us the bone we're done and actually there's three plus me

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There's God Jesus the Holy Spirit and me. So there's four of us at any time, which is the number of completeness

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fantastic, so

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Problem we can focus on the problem or we can focus and say oh, this is a challenge. It's gonna step me up

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oh my goodness the key to the next door of

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Wisdom insight knowledge upgrade is in on the other side of that problem. There's every problem as a promise attached

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And then if we're in victim mindset

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This is here to break me. It's bad. It's terrible. Oh my goodness

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God is punishing me what BS I shouldn't you say that but you know

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Like we do we get into that space some people do and it's like it is so is not punishing you

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I can tell you that right now

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He's wanting to build you. He's wanting to grow you. He's actually wanting to hang out with you more

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That's the key all of this good or bad. It's to help us have a healthier better relationship with God

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it's to draw us closer to the mat to the God who created us and

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Then in fear, we often look for the rescuer and then find the persecutor

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Oh, I want my knight in shining armor and he turns out to be a horrible person. Oh

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My goodness. I just want such-and-such to save me from this

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But only knight in shining armor is Jesus. So don't be looking anywhere else. It's unhelpful

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But if we ask Jesus if we ask him for our help we ask questions of him and each other to gain

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understanding

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Boom, we open the doors of heaven. How cool is that?

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So we get to live heaven in hell, or we can get to live hell in heaven. The choice is yours

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Just depends which side of the side of the fence you choose to go

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And then we've also

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So we've got misbeliefs or true beliefs. Now misbeliefs, M-I-S-S beliefs or true beliefs

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because the enemy is not stupid, well he is stupid actually, he's limited and he's stupid

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but he often tells half-truths so there kind of is a belief and a truth in there but it's

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misrepresented, it's missed, it's off target. True beliefs bring us into alignment.

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So a misbelief is my life is always going to be this way. I really encourage people

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to look at their lives through decades. So if you look in your past decades, 0-10, you

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know 11-20, 21-30, 31-40, whatever it is for you and you look at what you've achieved during

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those decades, you'll be like, you'll be like holy moly and people say I didn't do much

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in my first 10 years of life. Oh no, you learn to walk, you learn to talk, you learn to possibly

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ride a bike, you learn to eat and feed yourself, you learn to dress yourself, you possibly

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learn to make your bed, you learn to go to school, you learn to interact with others,

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you learn what play is about, you found friends, holy moly, heaps happened. You know in that

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11-20, some people got their degrees, you know some people stepped out of school and

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started their lives. Some people even met their future wives at that point, or husbands

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at that point in time. So anyway, when you look back, you see how much you've changed

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and then it helps you to understand that actually, just because you didn't, you changed it doesn't

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mean it's going to stop. You're going to continue changing right the way through to the end

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until you get to heaven. How cool is that? Because you're being renewed every day so

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you win or you learn. You step up, it's going to change, you're going to win, you're going

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to learn, you're going to keep growing. It's superb. And then the other thing that misbelief

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is it's all about staying safe. Oh no, I couldn't possibly do that. I couldn't possibly do that.

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I couldn't possibly, you know, have to lead a song sometimes at worship. That scares the

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living what's it out of me. But if I need to, I've got to just step up and do it. I'm

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comfortable as a backing vocalist because then I can just focus on Jesus. But sometimes

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actually we've got to step out in faith and do some stuff for our friends and for the

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team. And we've got to do it for a bigger picture than just ourselves and Jesus. Well

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it is Jesus, it's still Jesus, but it's like instead of it just being about me and him,

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it's about everyone and him and helping the team if that's what is needed to be done.

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And then, you know, your misbeliefs are past, present, living from the past. Oh, well, you

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know, my family's always been like this. Oh, well, I've never managed to ride a bike so

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I'm never going to ride a bike. What the heck? Give it a go. I did. And I didn't ride

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a bike as a kid. Shocking. Terrible. I much prefer to have a horse. But anyway, learned

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to ride it, can get on it, went and did the Otago Rail Trail. Brilliant. Did it. Okay,

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so future present is actually I can do this. And I'm living from who I want to become.

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And I'm bringing it into my present. Because we the present is the gift of today. We don't

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live in the past, it's been and gone. We don't live in the future because it hasn't

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come yet. We live in the present, which is the gift of today. It's interesting that we

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also live in God's presence, which is a gift. Everything's a gift. You know, he initiates,

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we just sit here and receive. It's flippant, brilliant. Anyway, that's another story for

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another day. Okay, I am not going to go into forgiveness or unforgiveness this week. I'm

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going to let this be for you. But what I would like you to do is just pause for a moment.

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And recognize when you are in the dreaded drama triangle. And understand that it keeps

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you trapped in codependency, it keeps you trapped in the enemy's hands, unhelpful. And,

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you know, unfulfilling, limiting patterns of behavior. So thank you, you are the weakest

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link. Goodbye. Or as one of our gorgeous people said this week, no more Satan, you're done. I'm

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walking this way. Enough's enough. I've had enough of you. You're a weasel. You're unhelpful. I'm

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going to go and drink from the fountain of life. And I'm off in this direction. So embrace that

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empowerment dynamic, shift your mindset into being right standing with him, ask new questions,

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because they'll give you new answers. Take responsibility for your actions and create a

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more fulfilling life. And choose your reality. Acknowledge that you have the choice in every

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moment. Am I choosing the enemy? Or am I choosing God? Am I choosing unhelpful things or helpful

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things?

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as I said you can live heaven in hell or hell in heaven the choice is yours so we will look at

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next week on forgiveness oh look here we go these are the summaries from the last

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course I did live this morning but one of the things that we say call to actions think about

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your call to action what do you want to do with this coaching and training this week

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and this morning we talked about just being aware aware of whether I'm in the dreaded

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drama triangle and the impoundment dynamic and then if I'm in a moment where I'm uncomfortable

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or I'm unhappy or things just aren't going right let it be let those instead of blocking those

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emotions off and shutting them down because they're going to bubble up somewhere and they're

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going to be toxic inside of you let them be accept that you're feeling sad accept that

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you're feeling hurt accept that that hasn't hasn't been how you wanted it embrace it

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exchange it let it go

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exchange it and let it go and then pull in what is good and noble and right and true

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and then engaging our hearts not our heads it's our heads that you know our emotions come

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but we then process it with our heads it's what our heads do with it that becomes a problem because

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then it gets us fixed and it gets us going down an unhelpful track so engage in your heart

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press the pause button okay I'm feeling unhappy I'm feeling like I've been mistreated whatever it

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might be okay what can I do to change that how can I get into the empowerment dynamic how can I

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get back into God's favor what come on God what are you what do you see that I don't see and that

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to be honest is what happens for me I got okay what's in front of me what I expected is not what

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I thought it was going to be this is who you are what show me show me bridge that gap for me God

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show me what I can't see right now because I know this is for good I know that you're showing

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me something I know that you're raising me up and every time he does and every time he does

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I get to cover the unkindness I get to cover that with his love brilliant and I'm free to go

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free to get on with what I need to get on with your heart informs your mind not your mind informing

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your heart so just be aware of that and then again I just would encourage you to give yourself a

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score out of 10 and I'm actually going to give myself the same score as I gave myself this morning

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which was a nine and you know what I'm inspired I'm ready I'm ready to fight the good fight the

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fight the good fight is not with each other it's actually just getting out and being who I'm called

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to be so um and I'm actually going to call that it wasn't like I had this morning but that's okay

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we've had a dose and said fight the good fight that's where I feel I'm at just stand

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just stand for what's noble right and true so remember it's all about love insight freedom

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and engagement it's time to live your life with courage and with valor so I hope today's training

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has been helpful we will do unforgiveness or forgiveness and unforgiveness next week

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but I'd much rather that you just soaked this in slow learning is good learning and rather than

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rushing this let's just do one thing at a time and do it really well so that it goes deep into

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our hearts and then the overflow comes out because out of our hearts our mouths speak and as we speak

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it informs our minds so it's really important that we have that beautiful cycle of going so

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God bless you I love you thank you for sharing spending this time with me over your weekend

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I hope these sheets are helpful and please let me know message me Sal that was really helpful

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oh my goodness I did this I'd love to know how you are because you guys I don't get to see you

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and it kind of breaks my heart a bit that I don't get to see some of you

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so let me know how you're going I love you God bless you and we'll see you next week take care