All right, so for the sake of any of the new guys that would be watching this replay and
of course our new guys that are here tonight with us, let me just give a little overview
of the last year single program as it pertains to guys.
Okay, so we have a beautiful co-ed program, both men and women, but our guys program's
a little bit different in the way that the women are very linear in their program.
They come into heart work and they're there for five or six weeks, and then they go into
what we call phase two, which is our love story accelerator, and that's a lot of dating
coaching.
That's reframing what's it look like to date as a Christian, and a lot of really important
sessions that they'll be doing there as far as boundaries and the divine feminine and
dating 101.
There's a dating challenge connected to that phase as well.
We do a little bit of attachment style work there, and then they'll graduate into the
third and final phase, which is just last year single community, and then that's where
they'll be for the rest of the time that they are connected to us.
Hopefully that's where they will get to put into practice everything they've learned,
get into a relationship, engagement, a marriage.
I know that you guys know this, but we've had over 1,600 people get engaged or married
in this program so far in the last four years, and so we do a lot of supernatural work here.
Now, the guys, we let you guys come in in a less linear fashion.
You come in, you have access to everything that I'm talking about via your app.
It's in your course material in the men-only app, a group on the app, but you get to kind
of do it, kind of create your own adventure.
You get to do it as you want to, and then you have these Monday men coaching calls that
are supposed to be digging deeper into phase one and phase two, so heart work for men and
also the different things that we cover in phase two in the dating, coaching, love story
accelerator.
Okay, so that's what these Monday calls are about.
The ladies have Monday and Tuesday calls with two different coaches, and then you guys
also have, obviously, everything in phase three.
The women have to wait until they graduate from phase one and two in order to be in the
community part of our program.
You guys don't.
You get to be in the community part at the same time that you're doing heart work, at
the same time that you're doing your dating coaching.
I don't know if that's a good idea or a bad idea, but it is just the way it is, and part
of the reason why is because we just saw very early on that men really didn't want
to do things linearly, like they wanted to kind of do it together at the same time where
they were putting into practical use the information that they were learning in phase one and two,
so they were kind of learning as they go and having experiences that were helping them
to activate the material, if that makes sense.
So for those of you that are new, in your app, your last year single app in the men's
group where you guys are in your course material, you have both phase one, the heart work, and
phase two, the love story accelerator.
You have all of those materials, and then you have a calendar that includes all of the
events that are in phase three as well.
So I think we have a single spotlight this week.
By the way, if there are any guys that want to volunteer for the single spotlight, I need
some volunteers.
That is our live session that we have for phase three once a month where we let people
introduce themselves to the community.
I do a little Q&A with you.
It's really fun.
It's not scary.
It's not intimidating, and then we allow people to email in if they want an introduction to
you.
So we've had quite a few people get married from the single spotlights, actually, so it's
a good time.
All right.
So of the four of you that are here, where are you in the material?
What are you working on?
And how relationship ready would you consider yourself on a scale of one to 10?
So where are you in the material?
What are you working on?
Okay, what's God talking to you about?
On a scale of one to 10, 10 being very marriage-minded, feel ready, not perfect, but feel ready.
And then one being not ready at all, still need to really just stay out of proximity
to the women and into hard work.
That would be a one.
And then of course, the spectrum of one to 10.
So we'll just start here and go clockwise.
Joel?
Yeah, so I mean,
I would say that I'm, you know, probably a nine, I think.
I mean, I just did another dating community program, the Heart of Dating, the School of
Dating.
So I did some, they went through some attachment style stuff and like core wounds and things
like that.
So I feel pretty ready on that front.
I'm got, I've gone through the first, let's see, I think I just finished the week two.
I was going a little bit faster through it because I had been through the attachment
style stuff and the core wound stuff with the School of Dating.
So that's where I am going through with that right now.
But I, I mean, I really appreciate, you know, listening to the content, the emphasis on
the spiritual aspect of things, you know, especially like stuff about the dreams and
the emphasis you guys have on, you know, the sort of spirit led community and the prophecy
and things like that.
Because I feel like that's sort of an area that the Lord is leading me to.
I mean, I've been a believer all of my life, as long as I can remember.
But I think that that's something that the Lord is drawing me closer to and being able
to listen to him more, more clearly and hear him better.
So I think that's kind of where I'm at.
Does that answer the questions?
Yeah, no.
Awesome.
So you feel like you're in an area where God is really inviting you into learning his voice,
learning how he's communicating with you, hearing him more, taking action on what you're
hearing.
That's awesome.
And then I think that it's great, guys.
I just want to let all of you know, because I do have guys in this group that have been
in this group for a long time and they still don't feel like they're at a nine or a ten.
So I appreciate Joel's coming in saying, hey, I feel like I've done enough work.
I'm very marriage minded.
I feel like I've done enough work to go ahead and, you know, get my feet wet in the pool.
Because you guys, nothing is going to bring out where you need more work, more than relationship.
And of course, we're here to support that.
We're here to help you through that.
When it happens, it's going to happen to everybody.
There is no one here.
There's no one in our program.
There's no one on the face of the earth that isn't going to be stretched by a relationship
that doesn't, you know, have areas where they need to still do some work.
And that's what marriage looks like.
Marriage looks like you're signing up for a lifetime together of helping each other
become the best versions of yourself.
Right?
It's a sanctification process, marriages.
It will change you.
It's supposed to.
And so now it's not supposed to be abusive and, you know, it's not supposed to be the
wrong kind of hard, but it is going to be hard.
Marriage is going to be hard, but it's going to be the right kind of hard.
It's going to be the kind of hard that makes you a better man.
Okay.
A more Christlike man.
And that is what's going to happen there.
So Joel, I love that.
You know, if you're available tomorrow night, someone check the calendar real quick, but
I'm pretty sure.
Cause I'm just totally thrown off by the fact that this is a Monday because it doesn't feel
like a Monday, but I'm pretty sure that single spotlight is on a Tuesday this, this month
and it's tomorrow.
Does anyone see that?
Hey Jackie, I see single spotlights on the 29th, Thursday.
So it's next week.
No, just two days from now.
It's Thursday.
Oh wait.
Yeah.
Okay.
Today's the 26th.
Okay.
All right.
So Thursday of this week.
So Joel, think about that.
If you're ready to jump into that, I think that could be a good next step for you.
Um, and I kind of explained, do you know what that looks like?
It's just a really fun session where we just spotlight some singles from our community
and we try to make some introductions.
All right.
So David, you're a David, give us an update on you.
Where are you on that scale of one to 10 and what are you working on right now?
Um, I've basically gone through most of the material.
I should probably finish like the final couple of chapters of the book is where I'm at.
Um, I tend to be hard on myself, but I don't know.
I think I'm at a four or five because I'm still struggling with some basic things after
the fallout of my last situationship.
So, um, it's kind of complex.
I don't know if it's really appropriate.
go into all the details of that here now.
But.
Okay.
So, I mean, there's just one aspect
I'm really struggling with.
So if it,
I guess just a side question,
would it be a good thing to set up,
just at the time to talk to somebody about it,
just to get another perspective on it?
Because I think I'm blocked on how I see it,
and it's really kind of holding me up.
So, everything that went down,
because, I mean, no one's perfect,
and I'm not looking to blame shift things
that I did onto other people, obviously.
You know, I wanna be healthy about it, but yeah.
No, yeah, you definitely can do that.
Just email into admin at JackieDorman.com,
and we'll set that up so that you can get,
you know, an objective opinion from a coach
about, you know, what should be next steps there.
So, how long ago did this situationship end?
It'll be a year on Thursday,
which is the spotlight night.
It'll be a year the last time I responded back to them.
Then I basically-
Okay, well, we definitely don't want
to get you stuck any longer than that.
A year's a long time.
Do you feel like you've learned some things from that,
or do you feel like that's why you need
to have the conversation?
Because you're not really sure.
I've learned a lot of things,
but I'm hung up on the fact, unfortunately,
someone that I respected that was a spiritual leader
got all caught up in this mess.
And I guess the simple short answer
is they had a similar blind spot to I did
because of unhealed things in their life.
So, that's what I need to talk about,
just to keep it real simple.
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
So, based on what you're saying right now,
where do you think you're at on that one to 10 scale?
Like a four or five.
I'm not really comfortable.
I really want to be spotlighted this month,
but I'm not really comfortable
unless I'm at least at a six.
I don't think it's fair to me
or to any woman that would want to reach out to me.
Do you feel like having some clarity,
like a clarifying conversation with a coach
about this past relationship that ended a year ago
would kind of boost you up higher?
Yeah, yeah, I think it would help a lot.
All right, well, go ahead and send that email ASAP
as soon as you can,
and let's see what we can make happen, okay?
It says at JackieDorman.com,
but what'd you say before that?
It clipped out when you said it before.
Admin, A-D-M-I-N, admin at JackieDorman.com.
Should I address it to anybody specifically
or just say who I am and what I'm-
Yeah, just say who you are
and that I sent you to get a discovery call with a coach.
Okay, okay, thank you.
All right, so we're just going clockwise.
So, Stephen, you're next on my screen.
Jackie, I started last year, single in October last year,
and I met a lady in New Zealand
and she introduced me to last year's singles.
So we knew each other two months
and then started dating exclusively.
And so we will start Simba's hopefully,
I think it's tomorrow.
Oh yeah, you will, that's awesome.
Yes, very excited about that.
Okay, so you guys are very marriage-minded, obviously.
And you guys have been dating,
you've been dating since October
and exclusive since December, is that right?
That's correct, yes.
Okay, wonderful.
No, no, sorry, sorry, that's wrong.
Okay.
Mid October to November, December,
we actually only started dating exclusively in February.
So that's four months, four months dating,
knew each other for a little bit longer than that, yeah.
All right, this is awesome, wonderful.
Well, we're gonna be glad to have you
and the Simba's coaches for this go-around
are Joe and Shelby Seeley,
and they've been married for 29 years.
They're some of our Simba's coaches
and you guys are gonna have a great time.
Thanks.
Awesome.
We're looking forward to that.
Yes, it's gonna be awesome.
Mike, give us an update.
Where are you?
What's up?
Where are you in the process?
Where am I in the process?
Well, I would have said I'm at a nine or a 10.
Well, there's just no opportunity,
but it's been a rough couple months.
So I don't know if I'm resilient enough
to jump into a relationship at the moment, but.
I've had a lot of transition lately.
Yeah.
Well, that and I'm in a really toxic work environment that's just been wearing me out.
I lost my cool this week and that never happens and it's like time to move.
But then the Lord, you know, I shared this on Sunday.
So I was supposed to be interviewing for Apple last December.
I've been waiting for two years to get in there.
And I felt like I was supposed to be in there and then it didn't work.
And so I've been a little disappointed, disappointed, discouraged, whatever.
And then randomly, I went to Kohl's to return something from Amazon this week.
And I ran into somebody I used to work, work with.
And I'm like, Hey, I look because, you know, any shops that are hiring because we're, you
know, he's like, well, why don't you go work for Apple?
I'm like, I've been trying to get into Apple for a year and a half.
He's like, well, they got a position open right now.
And so I actually have a friend who is a manager at Apple.
And so I applied and I'm just and I'm overly ridiculously overqualified for the position.
So I'm just hoping to get that.
So no, it's just been a lot like I'm living in transition and just waiting for the promises
to come.
So, you know, there is a gal that I think is coming back around.
We'll see how that works.
And whether I want that, but I pursued everybody that's around, but there's not very many people
around in my age group or life's life, um, whatever stage that was word.
So, well, no, well, you know, with the Apple job, I was kind of like, don't despise small
beginning.
Is this possible that getting your foot in the door working for the company, you know,
because a lot of companies, you know, they post from within, they try to hire from within
before they put the job posting to the public, you know?
Yeah.
Well, and they only have five, 5,000 people, they have a 5,000 person cap for the Bay Area.
So until somebody leaves, they don't backfill, they're not, they're not hiring.
So, um, so now I, I'm, I'm well, I'm well aware of all that stuff.
It's just like, Lord, when, and, um, I don't know, I've just had words and stuff that I
was like, well, I don't know, I can't stand on these anymore because they're just not
working.
And that's it.
And I would encourage, you know, I said this Sunday night, if you guys were there, but
like, you know, it is very, the position that I'm applying for that opened up is completely
different than what I've been looking for.
But yet it's actually at the spaceship, the spaceship in Cupertino, where that they built.
And that's where I wanted to be.
And so it's actually where I wanted to be, though.
It's very different.
And so sometimes it doesn't look the same as you think it's going to, and I'm expecting
to get it.
But at the same time, I'm like, you know, Lord, I just trust it in whatever he has.
So so that's where I'm at.
I'd say an eight and a half.
I mean, if somebody if I come across somebody tomorrow, I'm not gonna not jump because I'm
not.
Yeah, I'm not in that place.
I just would prefer to be in a clear headspace.
Well, here's the thing.
We all we would all prefer to have it, you know, our ducks, so to speak in a row in life.
But that's not what life is like.
And you guys obviously know my husband, David, and he's one of your coaches.
And I will tell you that he was in a very similar season of life as Mike is in right
now when I met him.
When he moved next door to me, we became neighbors.
He was only moving next door because he had his house foreclosed on because of a divorce.
So he got divorced.
His cars were repossessed.
His house was foreclosed on because of the divorce.
Him and his former wife had to file for bankruptcy because two incomes, yes, one income, no.
And you know, had made a lot of silly financial decisions in their marriage that now those
roosters were coming home to roost.
And when he moved in next door to me, he was a thirty six year old single dad of two school
age kids, nine and eleven years old.
And he was working at a ministry job that he'd worked at for 13 years, making forty
two thousand dollars a year with no health benefits and driving a car that he bought
with cash that literally caught fire on the side of the road a couple of years later.
So that kind of gives you an idea of what that car was like when I met him.
So he wasn't at the top of his game.
He had had way better seasons of life during his life than he was in when I met him.
But I will tell you, a woman who really wants to partner with you, who's looking for, you
know, who wants to stop at women, you guys need to hear this, this is really important.
versus the gift of prophecy.
Okay, anyone can have the spirit of prophecy
come over them, right?
But some people have the gift of prophecy.
Men, of course, can have, you know,
circumstantially a nurturing moment in their lives,
but women have the gift of nurturing.
And when you see a woman who doesn't have it,
it's because she's at odds with her design
and she has trauma.
But this gift in the feminine,
which is what we are, that God has given us,
we actually can see what you can't see in you.
And that's why it's so dangerous for women
to end up with men who don't wanna change
or are not submitted to God,
have not come under meekness, which is power under control.
That's why it's so dangerous for us to be with you guys
or choose those men,
because we will always see what you could be,
but you will never do it.
Because, you know, you're rebelling against authority
or you have, you know, trauma that's created
some narcissistic or selfish tendencies or whatever it is.
And so this is why so many women,
if you ever wonder why really good women,
sweet women, beautiful women,
why they end up with bad men that abuse them, this is why.
Because they have a gift that's overextended by trauma
and now it's become a weakness.
You guys get it?
Okay, so I say all that to say this,
that gift works really well with men
who have surrendered their lives to Christ.
Yeah, you're not perfect, but you're trying.
And we actually see the gold in you.
We see the God in you.
We're able, do you know that the word nurture
actually means the ability
to help something reach its potential?
That is what a wife will do for you.
That is what a good woman will do for you.
She will help you reach your potential.
And so I say all that to say this,
please do not wait until you reach your potential
in order to be at those higher numbers
on the scale of marriage mindedness, eight, nine, 10.
Because I propose to you
that you cannot reach your full potential
if you've been designed for marriage
without the help of your spirit mate or your wife.
So you're gonna constantly try to get to a place,
to attain a place that you really can only get to
with her help.
And so we don't wanna do that.
So Mike, eight and a half is good and fine.
And I like you at eight and a half.
And so Daniel, you're the last,
you kind of switched positions.
So now you're over here, but that's fine.
Where are you?
One to 10, what are you working on?
Yeah, I've been jumping around.
So I actually logged in a few minutes late.
Can you just tell me what the question was real fast?
I'm assuming it's relational readiness
or something like that.
Yeah, the question is, where are you at
as far as what you're working on?
What is God talking to you about right now?
And I was asking some of these newer guys
kind of where they are in the material,
what they're working on.
But you can tell me like, just, you know,
what's God talking to you about?
What are you working on as far as in your life,
in your heart right now?
And then on a scale of one to 10,
10 being fully marriage minded, where are you?
Yeah, okay.
The, I think that the main thing I'm working on right now
is single dad, single dad.
I've got the kids half the time.
So when I'm a dad, I am all in and I'm enjoying my kids.
And I can honestly tell you that I have never enjoyed
my kids more than I do right now.
We're just having-
That's awesome, I love it.
Yeah, we're having so much fun.
And so that's like, that is the focus right there.
And then when I'm single, I'm single as a pringle right now.
So, you know, I took a little bit of a break.
And now, yeah, now I'm, you know,
I jumped right back in a few weeks ago
and got on the dating apps.
And, you know, my main thing was to just kind of connect
and date and kind of refine my preferences.
I did have a little bit of a plot twist
about two weeks ago.
Yeah, about two weeks ago.
And without telling, to make a long story short,
there's a woman that I've known for 20 years
and we've always been each other's kind of what if.
And I reached out to her on her birthday.
We chatted, I found out she was single.
I shot my shot and things are moving pretty quickly now.
So-
Is she local?
No, I'm in Oregon and she's in Florida.
And she knows that she would need to move.
And I know that like,
she's gonna be the child that takes care of her parents
and they're in Florida.
And so we're having some logistics conversations
at the moment.
How old are her parents?
her parents, I think they're in their late 60s, maybe early 70s. Are they good? Are they in good
health? Yeah, they're in good health. They're slowing down a little bit. And she wants to get
as much time with them as she can. But she knows that I, you know, I have a co-parenting obligation
here. And I can't relocate for another eight years at the soonest. So we're talking about,
you know, we're just, we're having some conversations. Yeah. And yeah, and we're
going to do a visit this summer and see if the in-person connection is still there.
Okay. Yeah. Let's be really careful with that one because I like the full circle. You guys
know that that was a word that God gave me for our community for 2025, that people would have
full circle moments with business, with careers, with opportunities, and also for some people with
love stories. And so that fits this kind of the, what if the one that got away, the possibility,
all the things, but at the same time, you know, someone who feels really obligated and kind of,
it's like honor based to be taking care of their parent. Even though the parents don't
need taking care of right now, but also like you said, most adult, most adults that live away from
their parents only see their parents once, maybe twice a year. And when you have parents that are
elderly, that means that you might see them like 10 more times before they pass away.
You know, that's terrible when you think about it, you know? And so I'm sure that
blood is thicker than water. So it's really important that you understand with people that
have those types of loyalty issues that we don't want to get too emotionally involved. You said,
you guys have been talking. Let's make sure that we are not talking a lot, like for hours at a time
and listening to each other breathe and thinking we're falling in love, okay, with someone who
practically may never be able to live in our zip code. I see that happen a lot of times,
especially when there's familiarity. So you already have a lot of familiarity.
Guys already have kind of romanticized version of each other because of, like you said, the what if.
And so just make sure that you're, you know, you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders,
but don't underestimate the infatuation of a long distance old flame.
Right. And that's been one of the things I keep telling myself is, you know, let me take this
idealized image off the pedestal. Her name is Jackie, by the way.
Oh, wow. See, this is it. She's the one.
Let me make sure she's not up on this pedestal. And there's just this, like you said, romanticized,
idealized version that doesn't match reality. And so I am trying to pay very close attention to
how she talks to other people, like her family and stuff. And, yeah, I'm trying to pump the
brakes as much as I can. So, yeah. And make sure that it doesn't keep you from meeting local people.
Right. Right. OK. All right. I'm actually I'm going to pause. I think this is worth pausing
the local dating for now. I can still get out with friends and do all the cool hikes and stuff.
But I am. Interested in this and seeing where this goes.
Wait, when are you guys seeing each other in person?
I'm about three weeks this summer. The summer could be when I mean, what's that mean?
About three weeks. OK, three weeks. OK. And so after three weeks, when you're going to Florida,
she's coming to Oregon. She's coming to Oregon. OK. In three weeks, plane ticket already bought.
Yes. OK. In three weeks when she comes, then you're going to make some decisions.
Yeah, we're going to make some decisions. Yep. All right. All right. Three weeks. Pause. I can
get on board with that. But got it. Got to make some decisions after you guys are in person.
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. OK. And you guys, for all of you that don't know the rules around
long distance dating, the boundaries, I should say, the guidelines, it is about really getting
in person as fast as possible to see if there really is something here, because people have
a tendency to become very emotionally attached long distance if there's any type of conversational
chemistry. So if you like the way the person looks on the video and you like talking to them,
you're looking forward to seeing them. You're having this relationship with them. You're
looking forward to seeing them on the FaceTime. And you're spending all these
hours talking and just really connecting and vibing, but then you get in person and it's just not the same.
See, that's different for Daniel because he already knows this woman. She's a known
quantity to him, right?
But
she also has some moving pieces in her life right now.
She might be single, but she's not really unattached because she has a family that she has responsibilities in her own heart towards and
she has a very,
probably a very specific view of what her future was going to look like
as far as her family and all the different things.
And so that will need to be overcome. It can be overcome, but with long-distance we get in person as quick as we can
before we end up in a situation ship emotionally with someone who
there's just no possibility of it becoming a reality in person, okay?
And or we get in person and we just don't even feel the same way about them as we did when we were talking to
them online. And so three weeks to a month longest time
talking before you can get in person. Someone's gonna have to get in person.
And I feel like also it's important for us to talk about the fact that long-distance,
while there are definitely wise boundaries and guidelines to conversations in just
personal face-to-face dating, like local dating, where you're not rushing things,
you're not talking about deep things and preferences as far as children and
living and this and that, with long-distance those
conversations come up earlier and they need to.
Because if, like, say Daniel has a shared parenting agreement in Oregon, if this chick had a shared parenting agreement in
Florida, it's over, right?
Can't be in a relationship because neither one of us can relocate.
And so those things are important to get covered very early in those first several conversations
because why would we even try to invest our time and our energy and our emotional bandwidth into a
relationship that can't go anywhere?
We're not gonna do that. All right, Daniel, we're rooting for you. I mean, her name's Jackie. I'm totally rooting for this.
Is it Jacqueline or just Jackie?
It's Jacqueline, but she goes by Jackie or Jax.
Jax, that's my name that I use on my
smoothie orders.
Yeah, J-A-X, yep.
Wait, that's really unusual because the only other person that I know that uses that is...
Does she have friends in New York that are on Broadway?
No, if she does I'd be stunned.
That hasn't come up. Because I know it, I only know one other person that's Jackie but goes by Jax and
she...
My association with her is from my friends in media. So, okay, very interesting. All right.
Okay, so guys, those are all really great updates and
most of you are saying, besides David, of course, who doesn't, isn't sure if he is,
you know, gonna get up to those higher numbers of
marriage-mindedness
until he has some more processing and that's fine.
In fact, that's, I feel like that's really mature of you to want to process instead of just
cannonballing into the deep end of the pool again.
Let's not, let's not be cannonballing into the deep end of the pool before we know if there's water in it or not.
So that's good.
But everybody else is like eight or above and then Steven, of course, is in a marriage-minded relationship already.
And so that's awesome guys. I love it. This is so good. So yes, we have
spotlights this week.
Joel for sure is going to be a spotlight, possibly David
and then
Mike already has done it. Daniel's already done it. Steven wouldn't do it, obviously, since he's in a relationship.
So I need to get a few more guys to see if they're about that.
All right, so we can just do a grab bag of questions, you guys.
If you have anything that's on your heart, on your mind, anything that you'd like to ask me that I can help you process through,
we can do that right now.
Can I just run a quick thing about you?
So I met this gal at a Randy Clark conference, right?
Asked her out, got her number and then
she was like, hey, I've been
What's she called? The Lord is cocooning me. So I'm not able to date right now, which she didn't say at the gate.
So I was like, okay, cool. I don't know what that is. I don't fully know it.
I should have explored that a little better. But anyways,
then it's been nothing since, but then I feel like the Lord's calling me to that very church. And so I'm just like
She showed interest, we became Facebook friends and then disappeared, right?
And so in that, what do I, I mean, like, do I even entertain her anymore or do I just
call it a day?
Let me ask you a question.
Was the, was the Randy Clark conference at the church that you're thinking about attending?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Um, one thing I think that would be probably, um, in my opinion would be, um, very gentlemanly
of you is for you to let her know that because, you know, because you were talking and because
she's in a sabbatical that she's taking from dating that you would just let her know, Hey,
um, I just wanted to give you a heads up as a courtesy that, um, totally respecting
your sabbatical.
But I really feel like since the conference, God has really been inviting me to attend
this church.
It's her church, right?
Yeah.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
And just let her know that it doesn't have anything to do with her.
Okay.
Yeah.
Cause my good friend is going to work there.
Um, and so like, and we, we've been partnering in ministry for a long time.
So, um, so cool.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a, that's a good point.
That's a good point.
I don't know.
It's just as a courtesy.
Just want to let you know that it doesn't have anything to do with you or, you know,
disturbing your sabbatical.
Totally respect that and then respect it.
She put down a boundary.
She said, Hey, God has me in a sabbatical.
And so the next time after you saying, Hey, just as a courtesy, want to let you know,
uh, then the ball's in her court that the next time you guys communicate because you're
respecting her sabbatical, she would need to come to you.
Yeah.
There's no awkwardness.
So that's good.
I like that.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
She would need to come to you.
You guys.
I know that there's all this language about pursuing women, but we don't chase women that
are running away.
Okay.
That's the word pursuit to me always brings up in my mind.
Someone is running away and we're chasing them.
And some women really like to be chased.
I'm just going to tell you that right now.
They like to be chased.
They do.
I know that a lot of times we talk about, um, men being the breadcrumbers and men being
the avoidant attachments and men being the fill in the blank, whatever, you know, key
word is that out there right now about men.
Um, but a lot of times it's the women, let's just be honest, isn't it?
It's the women that they're really not interested in something serious.
They're just kind of, they're out for a good time, not a long time.
And you know, they like to date.
That's what they're doing.
And there, I literally had a client who was basically waiting for the best offer.
I'm not even kidding.
She was now, she's not the majority of women, but there are women out there that will ditch
you if something better comes along because they still see marriage as transactional.
They see it as transactional.
It's not about feelings.
It's about a lifestyle that they want for themselves and their future offspring.
And they're willing to sell themselves for it, so to speak.
They're willing to, you know, um, what's the word, uh, dowry themselves for it because
that's what they want.
And once again, not the majority, but there are women like that.
And so I don't, I think we do men a disservice when we act like men are the problem.
You know, modern dating is the problem.
This is not the way God designed us.
Men are not the problem.
Women are not the problem.
But the curse is the problem and it's created this dichotomy, it's created this, this thing
that is contradictory to even itself.
And so it's important that we understand that we're not broken.
Dating is broken.
Cole, God didn't, God didn't make us like this.
And I talk all about that in the new book I have that's releasing called Modern Dating
Sucks.
And, um, that's going to be coming into presale next month, you guys in June.
But I just want to make sure you guys know that you're not broken.
The system is broken.
All right.
It really is.
Okay.
So we're not going to chase women that are running away.
If you meet a woman, let's just take Mike's example.
For instance, who knows what the truth is about this chick?
We don't know what the truth is about her.
We don't know her, but she met him at a conference.
She was cool to talk.
She was cool to, you know, um, have some kind of connection.
But then she used the, she played the God wants
me to stay single card.
You guys, this card gets played so often, and I'm really not sure, you know, because
I don't know her.
I'm not going to judge her and say that it's not true, but I feel like spiritual people
use this card way too much, like people that we meet in a spiritual context, like at a
church service or at a conference, you know, they play the card of, you know, God says
it's not the right time or God says that you're not the right one or God told me that I shouldn't
be dating right now.
God is putting me in a cocoon, telling me to take a sabbatical, you know, all different
types of language, but it could really just be that they're just not interested.
And I would much prefer that people didn't.
It's kind of like the olden days when someone would come to your door and knock on your
door to sell you something, and you'd say, oh, I'll have to ask my husband.
He's not home.
Right?
You didn't have to ask your husband.
You just didn't want to buy this thing, whatever it was.
And so I feel like this is that type of cop out where we're blaming it on God all the
time.
Well, God said no, or I don't have a piece about it.
And yeah, it could be avoided in an attachment, but it also could just be people who are people
pleasers and they haven't learned how to have good boundaries because boundaries is just
about identity.
What you want, what you don't want, who you are, who you're not.
I'd much rather hurt someone's feelings up front by saying, hey, I'm not really feeling,
you know, a connection and I'm not interested in exploring it any further.
What do you think is more kind?
What do you think is more Christlike?
Saying that even though that might sting a little or saying, oh, you know, God told
me that I shouldn't be dating right now, but then the next week you see them on the dating
app, you know?
So I guess I'm saying that to say this, guys, when you're not interested and men usually
know a lot quicker than women do.
Men usually have a really good, and I think it's because you guys are the ones that are
supposed to discover or find or the scales are supposed to fall off your eyes so you
can see the wife.
That's Proverbs 18, 22, which this group is based on.
That word find is the word it really actually means for the scales to fall from your eyes.
Okay.
So I feel like men, especially if you're doing the work, they're going to know pretty quickly.
And so I know you're not trying to hurt anybody's feelings, but it's actually going to hurt
her feelings a lot more if you lead her on.
And since we're all in community together, especially women in this community, do not
be afraid to just tell someone, hey, I really love being in this community with you.
And you know, what a great place for us all to be in the same season together.
But I'm not feeling, you know, an interest in getting to know you romantically.
There's a million different ways that you can say this.
And if you want me to make a list of them and post them in your group, I will if you
guys need a little cheat sheet, but it's much better to rip the bandaid off from the very
beginning.
Okay.
Now that being said, we do have a saying in our community, it's a yes until it's a no.
Women usually use this saying a lot more than men do, because women are not really
sure how they feel about you.
They're not really sure.
They might think you're cute or funny or nice, but they're not really sure how they feel
about you until they get to know you better.
And I wish more men would have the, you know, the ability to get to know someone in community
better before just saying, no, I'm not interested or no, I'm not attracted.
But once again, I know that men have a tendency to make that judgment pretty quickly, very,
very fast, actually.
Off a picture, off one conversation, off seeing them on a single spotlight talking, you know,
they're very quick to just be like, nah, I'm not interested.
So yeah, think about that because you might be missing out on something really good.
A lot of times people don't make really good first impressions.
And so allowing someone to grow on you a little bit would not be a bad idea.
All right, Stephen, go ahead.
Your window is green, so I'm not really sure if you have a question or not.
I wanted to just add to that, maybe for everyone here,
is what's your take on the divine masculinity
and femininity in that situation?
But then also a follow-up question is just in general,
I know there's a section in Paths,
teaching in Paths for masculinity,
but if you could just elaborate a little bit
for everyone here, please.
So the question is, you want me to cover
the divine masculine and feminine
as it pertains to when people first meet?
Yeah, I think that would be quite helpful
for the group today.
Yeah.
I mean, I really do.
Sorry, I'm sitting outside, it's a little loud.
I really do think that men have been created to lead, okay?
The divine masculine is a leader.
Now that can look different on your temperament,
that can look different on the way that you were raised.
It can look different in our modern society,
depending on the woman that you're courting.
She might also have leadership capabilities,
but in the relationship, forget our jobs,
forget our church ministries,
in the marriage, in the relationship,
I believe that the man has been called to lead.
I do.
And so that needs to start from the very first hello.
I can't emphasize this enough.
It needs to start from the very first hello.
That means, even if you don't know what you're doing,
ask somebody, all right?
Ask chat GPT, whatever you need to do, be intentional.
You're like, well, I don't know how to,
where to take someone on a first date.
Google it, okay?
Just take the initiative.
The word is initiative.
Okay, that's what we're here for too.
We're here to help you with that.
Of course you don't know how to do it
if you haven't done it before, but that's okay.
You know, it's not like a,
it's not a pass or fail situation.
It's not a pass or fail situation.
So it's really important that you understand
that most women, not all women,
because I already told you,
there are some transactional girls out there,
but you don't want those ones anyway.
Most women that are worth you getting to know
are going to be very gracious towards a man who's trying.
And so the very first thing that I can say
is from the very first hello, be a leader.
If you're meeting her on a dating app,
you say something to her first.
Don't wait till she talks to you
because you don't want to be rejected.
Talk to her, say hello, ask her about herself.
Women like to be asked questions, all right?
Ask her some questions about herself.
Not too prying, not too personal.
Something to keep the flow of conversation going.
Once again, if you don't have some icebreaker questions,
we can give you a list of those, get moving on that.
And as soon as you're interested in her answers,
she seems like someone that you would,
remember, it's not a marriage proposal, it's just coffee.
It's just lunch.
It's no big deal.
Go ahead and ask for the date.
You be the one that asks for the date.
Don't force this poor woman to talk to you every single day.
Hey, how are you doing?
Where are you up to?
And finally ask you, hey,
do you want to get together sometime?
Don't make her drop the hanky so you can pick it up.
But you're like, well, I don't know if she's interested.
She's on a dating app and she's talking to you.
She's on a dating app.
That's what she's there for and she's talking to you.
The worst thing that's going to happen is she's going to say,
no, I can't, I'm busy.
She's going to make some other excuse
because women love to be polite
and they don't like to offend anyone.
And so if she keeps hemming and hawing
and she doesn't want to get together, then guess what?
It's not a talking app, it's a dating app.
That's someone telling you that, yeah,
talking to you has been cool,
but I'm really not interested in going on a date with you.
And then you know what?
Thank you, next.
So the way the divine masculine looks like
from the very beginning of a relationship is you must lead.
You take the first step.
You say the first hello.
You ask for the date first.
If you liked her on the date,
ask her for the second date before you leave her presence.
Don't make her wonder when she gets home
whether or not there's going to be a second date.
You tell her before you leave her presence,
I really enjoyed myself, I'd like to see you again.
That is what it looks like to be divinely masculine.
And then of course,
that will carry over into your relationship.
Because however you start the relationship
is how the relationship's going to continue, okay?
And then when, of course, if you guys get serious,
at some point, if she's divinely feminine,
she's going to make some decisions too.
She's going to take some pressure off of you.
But show her from the very beginning
that you're a man who knows what he wants.
That's really important.
That's very, very attractive to women.
Joel.
Yeah, so I just had a question.
So I, you know, I came,
just came into this community
from the Harvard dating community.
And I'm still, you know, part of that community,
but I was trying to sort of cast a wider net.
And just so you know, I know, I know Kate and JJ,
so go ahead.
Okay, great.
So I was just trying to figure out, you know,
with Kate and JJ, you know,
some of the things they recommend,
and I didn't know, you know,
how your recommendations are for this community, et cetera.
But they talk about near 90 days,
getting to know somebody
is sort of in a romantic friendship way.
And then you make a commitment, you know, after 90 days.
And in that timeframe,
they say that they encourage people
to talk to other people as well.
Although they say that doesn't always work,
you know, for the individual person.
So just kind of figure out how, you know,
as far as this community goes and your recommendations go,
what is, how do you all operate in that sense?
And we, you know,
and just so you know, Joel,
we cover all that in your phase two course stuff.
So if you want to take a look at that on the app,
but I want to tell you that it's not really different
in that we don't like set a 90 day parameter
because a lot of our students are older.
So a lot of our students are,
a lot of our students are not millennials.
There are some millennials like Daniel,
but we have a lot of people that are Gen X and older,
and that's just not the way Gen X rolls.
So the reason, so what we,
they usually, you know, they've lived longer.
A lot of them have been married before,
and even if they haven't, they've lived longer.
They're in their forties and fifties and sixties,
and they kind of already know what they want out of life
and, you know, know who would fit their life.
And so they're probably not going to take 90 days
to make a decision about being boyfriend or girlfriend
or exclusivity, okay?
But that being said, in the early stages,
we call it level one, two, three, four, five,
five being married, four being engaged,
three being exclusive relationship,
two being getting to know you, low stakes dating,
and one being community.
So all of us are in community together.
We're all on level one.
Level two is that initial getting to know someone,
having those low stakes conversations.
It's not romantic.
As soon as it turns romantic, you're already at level three.
So if you're holding hands, if you're kissing,
if you're using romantic language,
like I can't wait to see you, I miss you,
I can't stop thinking about you,
you've already escalated it to that.
But at the level two,
when you're just really getting to know someone,
it's very platonic.
It is completely fine to get to know a myriad of people
at the same time.
In fact, I think it's important if you don't have,
if you have little to no experience,
I think it's really important
because you really don't know what you want.
You got to kind of try some different things
on the buffet, so to speak.
And then at the same time, if you've been single,
if you've been single for a long time,
whether that's been after the death of a spouse
or you've just never been married or a divorce,
you definitely want to make sure
that you're meeting a variety of people
because you just don't really know
what's going to be compatible.
You know, there's good, there's better and there's best.
Just because you get along a little bit with someone
doesn't mean that that is the best.
And I just want to tell all of you guys,
a lot of our guys in this program have been getting married
and getting engaged in this season.
So we've had one, two, three,
like five of our OGs just got engaged or married.
And every single one of them knew really fast
because of the work that they did here.
So I think that's exciting.
Awesome, thank you.
Yeah, just from the last six months, five of our guys,
boom, boom, boom, boom.
Hi Hunter.
Well, good news.
I was chatting with Salt
and this girl that I told you about,
well, I'm going to have another video chat,
a second video chat date.
And she's in the UK.
I asked her and she goes, yes.
And she wants to go have it.
I was like, no, let's keep it.
Maybe, we might.
I'm trying to be,
it looks like I'm trying to be confident in leading,
but the problem is what happens if she gets engaged?
I didn't see her in person.
I only know her by video and knowing her.
But the problem is whatever this compromise might mean,
I have to compromise and leave my country
because she's in the UK
and she's been to the States
and was born and raised in Mexico.
I'm like, I love my country.
Should we just get to know her more?
Is she willing to move to America?
Uh, we haven't gone to that.
We're still level two.
It's like, looks like the potential of being a level three.
It could be.
Well, don't forget Hunter that we do have deeper conversations
when it's long distance.
So we don't want to waste our time.
Okay.
And really get feelings for someone and then have a big mess.
Uh, when we can't be together because we want different things in life.
And so it's important that if you really are not open at all, it's
a non-negotiable from heaven for you to, uh, move out of America, out
of the country, then you probably want to say that to her and ask her
how she would feel about relocating.
Should this turn into anything serious?
All right.
That's cool.
Okay.
I mean, I moved out of my home state, but now do I, I hate
to leave my home country.
Oh, okay.
Well, if you're not ready to do that, then two things are going to happen.
This is not going to be the right situation or she would
be open to moving to America.
And, um, once again, really early, but not too early for that big of a
long distance international connection for you to have that conversation
about whether or not she would ever see herself leaving her country.
That's cool.
We're just getting to know each other.
It's still level two anyways.
Right.
But once again, it's long distance.
So you need to go ahead and ask her that question.
If she would ever see herself for any reason, like relation, like a
relationship, maybe not with you, but with anyone leaving her country.
It's important question.
All right.
Yeah.
Hunter, can I just throw in a quick example?
Um, so about, uh, maybe three weeks ago, I connected with, um, a woman that had
done a single spotlight in the community and I just, you know, send her a message
on Facebook, we chatted a little bit and one of the first, I mean, within the
first couple hours of chatting, I asked her, so like, are you open to relocating?
Or do you have like a co-parenting, uh, uh, agreement that keeps you in place?
And she said, I'm, I have to, I'm, I'm anchored here.
I can't move.
And I said, I'm anchored here.
I can't move.
And it was pretty much like, okay, you're great.
We're actually friends now and we chit chat and stuff, but we understand
it's going to be platonic and it's, it's a non-starter.
And so I would recommend you to ask that question sooner rather than later to
figure it out, if it's even a possibility.
Yes.
And we're really proud of you, Hunter.
You're doing great.
So that's a lot of progress that you're, you're making.
Well, it's just, it's just the only person that I got to get this far with on salt,
I guess, uh, but then again, well, just so you know, salt is a UK based app.
Yes.
Yeah.
So they do have a lot of people in the UK cause that's where they started.
Now they are obviously in America as well now.
Um, but we have a little kind of budding partnership with them and with arc.
So guys, um, I'm going to actually put up in your resource page
tomorrow, a special link to arc.
So if you guys want to check that out, um, it is Christian
dating app for Christians.
It was created by Christians for Christians.
We do have a special partnership going with them right now.
And we're going to do three speed dating events with everyone on
their app in June that are virtual.
So that's going to be a really great opportunity for
you guys to meet some people.
So I will be putting that link up in the resource tab of your group on the app.
Okay.
And we'll also put it in your Facebook group.
All right, guys.
Um, does anyone else have any questions?
We're past the hour, so I'm gonna let you guys go.
I know it's a holiday and so go off to your, your Bratwurst
or whatever's waiting on you.
I had to get up from hanging out with you guys, David.
Don't forget to email us, Joel.
It was nice to get to talk to you more and I'll try to jump in at least, you
know, once a month for these Monday calls and do a little ask Jackie with you guys.
I'm excited for Steven to start Simbas and Mike, I feel like the
transition that you've been in.
I really do see, uh, you coming into, uh, uh, a larger space.
So I know it's been feeling really tight and, you know, a lot of pressure, but I
do see you coming into a larger space.
So, um, just hang in there, bro.
Oh, yeah, cool.
Yeah, I could, I could use.
Amen.
All right.
So father, God bless your sons.
We thank you, Lord, that they are here.
They are marriage minded.
You're calling your Davids from the field, as you said, Lord.
And so we thank you, God, that you have the anointing upon
them to find their spirit mates.
So we just speak that Proverbs 18, 22 over them that they will discover and
see and find the woman that you have given them favor with Lord.
because that is their good thing. And so, Laura, we thank you, God, for this community. We thank
you for them as they lead in this community and show these ladies what a good, marriage-minded,
mature, and masculine man of God looks like. In Jesus' name, amen. All right, guys, I'll see you
soon. Bye, everyone.