Let's go ahead and get started.
Hey there, Heidi.
Hey, Sheree.
What's up, ladies?
Hey, Nicole.
Hey, Kelly.
Good to see you all.
We all pretty much know each other in here so far, but you guys know I'm Danielle, and I get to be the hostess today.
And I'm also our powerful, powerful woman that we brought to bring you some goodness, okay?
So who here knows that we all feel anxiety at some point in our days?
Anybody feel anxiety?
Okay, exactly.
Because when you're building a business, that tends to come up, right?
And as you all know, you're not just businesswomen.
You're also wearing the hat of mom and friend and wife and volunteer and homeschooler and all of the things.
You all are just high-level women.
And so we wanted to make sure that you got to hear from our guest today.
She loves to talk about anxiety and how to overcome it.
She loves to bring in practical steps on how to take care of your emotional wellness.
Who here knows?
We talk about this, right?
Exactly.
We got some claps in the room.
Like, yes, bring on how to take care of myself, how to address the emotional side of myself.
We talk a lot about that in this community.
And so Natalie, also known as Natty Lewis, is here.
And she has something just super prepared for all of you.
So are you all ready?
Are you ready to receive?
Are you ready for some transformation today?
If you are ready, I want you to write ready in the chat.
And then I want us to just, like, give a super warm welcome to our guest today.
We're going to give her the mic.
She's got some goodness for you today.
And then at the end, if there's questions, we're going to have some time for that.
I'll be looking at the chat.
So if you have any questions for me, too, while we're in the middle of it, also feel free to let me know.
Okay.
Everyone's ready.
So, Natty, come on in.
Oh, no, you're muted.
I'm unmuted now, right?
Yeah.
Well, I am very ready, and I'm excited to be here with you guys.
A little background on me, as you know, I am also a female business owner and a mom with four kids.
I've actually run and operated seven of my own companies.
I've been involved in anywhere from startup companies to multibillion-dollar corporations.
I've been in the corporate ladder, and I've been an entrepreneur with nothing more than me, a laptop, and a teeny-tiny space.
So I've experienced it all from that standpoint and experienced what it looks like to build a business and be a mom and be a wife and manage life and do all the things at the same time.
And I got to be honest with you.
When I was growing up, this idea of anxiety and stress and people would be like, oh, I'm so stressed out.
And I was like, you know, what I think you are is a wuss.
That's what I thought because I was an athlete.
And when you're an athlete, you just, like, suck it up.
Like, I grew up in the world of rub some dirt on it.
Right?
I was my brother's – I was my brother – we had six kids in our family, and I was the youngest, and he had all sisters.
And when I was born, he told my parents, if it wasn't a boy, don't bring it home.
And so my parents let him name me, and they let – and I became, like, his favorite friend.
And I grew up in the world of suck it up, rub some dirt in it, grow thicker skin, figure it out.
There's no crying in baseball.
I grew up in that space, and it served me.
Like, champions just work harder.
That's what I thought.
And I went on, and I became a D1 athlete, and I had tremendous success.
And then I graduated college, and I started in the workplace, and I started having kids.
And I was working and running a business, and I had three kids, and I started having what I thought were miniature little heart attacks.
And I didn't know what was happening to me.
I could feel my chest tighten.
I could feel my throat squeeze.
I could feel myself sweat randomly in the day.
I could feel myself just trying.
as I used to say, to keep my crap together and not lose it on people in the office.
I was struggling to figure out who I was because I didn't actually like myself.
I was really remarkably successful, actually. I was the vice president of an organization,
a multi-billion dollar company, and I felt like I was living somebody else's life. I felt like
I was this kind of excited about life human being who showed up as the devil wears Prada.
I was like, what is wrong with me? Why can't I keep it together? Why can't I figure out who I
am? Then I woke up one morning and I could not move my arms or my legs. I had no use or no
function of my arms or my legs. I woke up in the fetal position and I couldn't move. I was taken
to the hospital and they proceeded to run tests for over a day. Everything kept coming back saying,
nothing's wrong with you. Nothing's wrong with you. Nothing's wrong with you. I was like,
oh, there is something wrong with me. I cannot communicate from my brain to my hands to
function. There's nothing right about what's happening to me. Something is for sure wrong.
And then after being in there and having them run so many tests, somebody finally came in the room
and I didn't recognize this woman. And she was a social worker and she walked in the room and she
started asking me questions about my capacity to raise my children. And something happened.
It was like somebody had taken a light and flipped on the lights and turned them on bright and all
systems were a go and everything was operational and I was pulling IVs out of my arm. I was out of
there. I was not sticking around for whatever conversation was happening next. I checked
myself out of there. For three months, I could not stop thinking about what had just happened. I could
not stop thinking about how did I go from incapable to get my body to function to actually
fully functional? What was that switch that turned on in my brain? And why did it turn off?
And what could I do about it? And I started deep diving into a study. I had spent 20 years of my
career in human behavior, mostly dominantly in marketing and sales, doing market research on
emotional buying patterns. What makes someone buy? Why does somebody put something in their
cart and not check out? Why does somebody cry at a commercial and somebody laugh?
Why does somebody get emotional about something and act and somebody else gets emotional and
sits down and does nothing? I had studied human behavior and neuroscience with regards to
emotional response. What I had not studied was what actually happens in the brain when someone
feels emotional and why there is so much connectivity to the body. I proceeded to take the
next several years. There was not amount of information that was too much for me to consume.
I took courses. I took classes. I took as much education as I could get. I partnered with an
organization that had 14 years in neuroscience on anxiety and human behavior and dove in. And
with them, we created a framework to actually help people understand emotional behavior.
And it was what I called the definition of freedom because for me, I finally felt free.
I felt free, ladies, because I understood. You see, it's an interesting thing. When we experience
something we do not understand, it will be coupled with fear. It will be coupled with fear because if
we don't understand how it happened, it could happen again. And there's nothing we can do about
it. And when we understand what we're actually experiencing, there is tremendous power because
there is capacity for us to do something about it, to get actionable. And I am now a woman on a
mission because I get the opportunity to work with women all day, every day, powerful women,
just like you, who are running businesses and running families and running households. And
if you aren't experiencing emotion as a part of that, you might check and ensure you got a pulse
going on. And yet so many of these women are afraid, afraid of what they're feeling because
the world has said that if you're feeling that you're just having imposter syndrome,
or if you're feeling that, then maybe you're just not good enough, or maybe you just shouldn't be in
business. Maybe you should just stay home. Oh my gosh, I've heard it all. And all of it is a bunch
of crap. That's what I'm here to say. What I'm here to say is ladies, if you have a desire to
build a business and you have a desire to be an amazing mother, and you have a desire to run a
beautiful life, I need you to know you can have it all. You simply have to understand
what is really going on and then be intentionally actionable.
about how you move forward with it.
Because with intention,
we can have it all.
So what I want to start with today
is I want to start with understanding.
The first piece of understanding I want you to know
is that you've got a physical body
and you've got a mental, emotional self.
And I need you to make sure that we're understanding
you do not have some mental, emotional self
running around out there in this world
without your physical body.
Not two of you somewhere.
You are inseparably connected,
which would mean, it would beg to mean,
because we're all logical, fabulously wise women on this call,
we would have to then understand quite naturally
if something happens to my physical body,
it will impact my emotional, mental self.
And if something happens to me emotionally and mentally,
it will impact my physical self.
They are not separate.
We live in a world that is desperately trying
to separate these things.
Mental health and physical health, ladies,
if you get anything out of what I talked to you about today,
I want you to empower yourself with the knowledge
that you don't have somebody else running around out there
that's a you without a body.
You and your body, you are inseparably connected,
and if you will figure that out and work with it
and not against it,
you can do amazing things.
Because every single thought and emotion you have
will create physiology.
It will create physiology.
This is not a sometimes.
This is not a nice to have.
It will create physiology,
and I want you to understand why.
It all comes down to the way our brains were built,
and I'm going to use my hand as our little brain model for the day.
And our brain, if this is our brain,
these beautiful front fingers here represent our prefrontal cortex
or our cerebral cortex.
This is where all of our logic and reason come from.
This is what makes us fascinatingly capable human beings.
We learn things.
We become wise with things.
Our knowledge is stored right here in this front,
and what it connects to right here is the brainstem.
This is our logic and our wisdom and our knowledge
pouring in and allowing us to function.
That's what's going on when we're here.
Now, what it covers up is two things.
This hippocampus, which is represented by the palm of my hand,
is our pictures.
It's where pictures and memories are stored.
Really important to know that our brain does not have anything.
There's no good or bad valve with pictures and memories.
It's just pictures. It's just memories.
Brain doesn't say,
that's a good one, that's a bad one.
Brain doesn't say, think about that one more,
don't think about that one.
It's just pictures and memories.
Now, what helps us to define those pictures and memories
is actually the amygdala,
which is going to be represented by my thumb here.
That thumb touches on those pictures and memories.
That amygdala touches on them,
and what it's responsible for are three primary features.
Our sensory experience, meaning our sight and our smell
and our taste and our sound.
That's going to be really important, ladies,
that we know the amygdala is in charge of senses
because I'm going to teach you something you can do
that's fast and easy
that actually is going to do wonders for you
in the world of emotion
because the amygdala is responsible for senses.
Its second job is to actually help us
to process those,
to understand what emotion
we felt during these memories and these pictures.
And its last job
is it is our body's alarm system.
Excuse me.
It is our body's alarm system
to tell us whether we are safe or not safe.
So to give you an example of how this works,
we're walking around as a whole-brained human being.
We're walking down the street, and the next thing you know,
it starts to get a little bit dark outside.
Well, our amygdala, which is in charge of our sensory experience,
is noticing that it's getting dark.
And then we hear a rustle in the bushes.
And our amygdala, which is in charge of that sensory experience,
is feeling the rustle in the bushes.
And it's attaching now to a picture here.
And that picture could be real or imagined.
Maybe you've never experienced walking down the street in the dark,
but you watched a scary movie,
and there was something going on there in the dark.
Or you read a story online about this,
or you heard a friend tell you a story about it,
and now you have a picture
or a memory, real or imagined.
It doesn't matter.
The brain can't delineate between them.
This is why visualization works.
It has no idea what's real or imagined,
and our senses are now touching on this picture.
Maybe it came from a scary movie.
And all of a sudden, the amygdala,
the alarm about being unsafe,
is starting to get a little twitchy.
It's a little uncomfortable right here
because it's like, oh, high alert, high alert, high alert, high alert.
Next thing you know, this guy jumps out of the bushes in front of you.
Boom!
What happens is,
brain will flip the lid of the prefrontal cortex into the air
and remove it from the brainstem.
Now, why on earth would we do that?
Why on earth would we be designed to remove our rational,
logical brain from the party when we are in a state of threat?
It's because now is not the time to be thinking, ladies.
Now is not the time to be evaluating and saying, I don't know,
is this dude wearing flip flops?
Because I have been running lately
and I have actually been lifting quite a bit.
And he's kind of a small little fellow.
I think I could not time.
It is time to react.
And so our body, our brain sends the message.
It is reaction time.
Boom. Get rid of your capacity to think.
It is not time to think we're going to get rid of it
and we're going to then what we're going to do
is we're going to pump blood to the extremities.
So that you have the capacity to do what you need to do right now
in reaction state, you're either going to run farther or faster
than you've run in the past.
You're going to hit something harder or you're going to be able to take a hit.
And now here you go.
Your body moves in response to the stimulus.
And that is how we are designed to work.
Now, here is the fascinating part, ladies, is that this works
like a charm in physical danger, because when this happens
and I need to run, I run when I need to hit, I hit.
But here's the thing.
Our brain works identically to emotional unsafety
as it did to physical and safety.
So when I feel emotionally unsafe,
my little amygdala will sound the alarm,
kick off the prefrontal cortex, and I'm running around
without my brain cells trying to make decisions right now.
And it is not going well for me.
And guess what happened?
The blood rushed to the extremities.
So we define anxiety is this big, scary thing.
Ladies, anxiety is this moment when your brain
and blood rushes to the extremities.
And because we weren't in physical danger, guess what we normally do?
Ladies, we sit down.
Oh, I got to sit down.
Oh, I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
Why don't you know what to do?
Because your thinkers not connected.
And then we do the worst possible thing we could. We sit.
What is the best thing for us to do right then?
The same thing we would do if we were in physical danger, we got to move.
So if we are experiencing fight or flight,
that looks like an expression of that.
So when we experience this and we experience anxiety, what what do we feel?
Well, we feel we feel it often in our stomach.
So we will describe that feeling of blood rushing to the extremities.
It rushes into our stomach. What does that feel like?
It feels like you've been riding an elevator all day long.
Feels like your stomach sinks. Have you ever heard people describe it?
Oh, my gosh, my stomach just sunk.
Well, that's what it feels like to ride an elevator.
It can feel like your stomach compresses, gets tight and then nauseous.
Some people describe it like it's hamsters that got let loose.
This is how it happens to me.
I have two Harry and Lyle. I've named them.
They run. They run laps in there.
I mean, just like they just keep going.
Oh, I feel it in there.
A lot of people feel it in their heart.
And again, this will be described by in different ways.
Some people say, wow, my heart just races.
Other people say my heart beats really hard, like boom, boom, boom.
Some people will say it feels like I can't breathe.
My heart's constricting.
Other people will describe it like they're a weight is sitting on their chest
and they cannot get it off.
Everybody describes a little differently, but why is this happening?
Guys, I want you to think about when blood flow increases,
it will pump through your heart and down into your digestion and intestinal tract.
It's why you feel it in your stomachs, why you feel it in your heart.
Guess where else you're going to feel it.
You're going to get hot or cold and clammy.
You're going to get sweaty.
Some people get sweaty forehead.
Some people get sweaty pits.
Some get sweaty palms.
Some people get really cold and clammy because their body just freezes up
immediately.
Guess where else you're going to feel it in your head.
Some people, they feel like a cartoon character, whether
and just hot, it feels like they went red.
My gosh.
Some people get prickly right on the tips of their ears
because the heat rises so quick.
Some people get blurry vision.
Some people will get dry mouth.
Some people will clench their jaw and they'll get pain right here
and it'll create headaches.
Some people get tension right here in their throat.
And a lot of people get tension right here in the back of their neck
in their shoulder area, get tense.
Lots of women get it right here in their throat.
Guys, do you know why?
It simulates your inability to say what you want to say.
Or need to say in a space of emotional unsafety.
I want you to recognize tremendous amounts of fear come from the physiology of the feeling,
and the reason why is because we live in a society that says if you have a physical symptom,
then you have a problem that we need to fix, therefore you are broken.
And so we have this terrifying situation going on out there with anxiety where people feel like
if I feel anxious, I have a problem, I am broken, and I need to be fixed. And teens,
oh my goodness, when I work with teens, you should see what happens to them when I explain this and
they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So this is like how your body's supposed to work. And I'm like,
isn't it amazing you're working as designed? You just didn't know that's how you were supposed
to work. So if you don't want to work that way, we can fix that. There's some programming we
can adjust. And right now you're working perfectly. And these teens be like, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're saying I'm not broken? Well, you're saying I'm not like,
I don't need to be fixed. No, you're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. You need to understand
what's happening. Because if we understand that all of that physiology is literally our brain's
attempt to keep us safe, then what would happen if instead of being afraid of that, instead of
saying, oh my gosh, my stomach, oh my gosh, here it comes with my stomach. Oh my gosh,
here it comes with my heart. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Oh my gosh, I have a panic attack.
If instead of being so afraid of it, we actually were to understand it,
there is now opportunity to engage with it. Now, ladies, I'm going to throw out a little caveat
here, which is this. In the study of psychiatry and social working, there is about, I think the
latest statistic shows about 9 to 11% of the population that chemically require some form
of medication because of just their imbalance requires it. But I want you to think that that
means 90% of us have physical capacity to have control over this. We can do this. We can do this.
And I am telling you from a person who went from hospitalization of panic attacks to someone who
no longer experiences anxiety attacks of any kind and have not for years,
this is something you can get a handle on when you understand it. So I want you to understand
it because I want you to understand what's really happening when we as moms take on business and
family and why this seems to magnify because we're like, well, it just seems to get worse.
Well, there's a reason for that. And I want to show it to you. I want to show it to you.
So I'm going to, I'm going to share a screen. Can you guys all see a screen, a slide right now?
Yep. Everybody's seen a slide. Okay. So I want you to think about this is our window of tolerance.
All of us have, are you seeing the single slide or the two slides? Single slide. We good? Okay.
All of us have this thing called a window of tolerance and it is really our capacity to handle
stress. So I want you to think about this window as these two lines right here. And I want you to
think about what happens. We wake up in the morning and our kids were waking us up all night
long. And next thing you know, our alarm goes off in the morning and we're like, not today, sister.
And we hit the, we hit the snooze button, but that's not great for us because we really actually
needed to get up on time to get everything done. So by the time we start our day, we're already
behind in our day and we're just feeling the stress is building. And then we are getting ready
to walk out the door. And our kid says, mom, you're going to be there, right? And you were like, be
where? And then all of a sudden we realized that our child's event that we forgot to put on our
calendar is about to cherry bomb our entire day. And the stress is magnifying. And next thing,
you know, we are walking out the door and somebody is literally driving with the intent to make us
late because they have to be, because no one drives that badly naturally. So clearly they
know I'm about to be late. And then we walk in the door and there are problems and we're trying
to do our business and it's not going as planned. And that ad campaign that we launched did not
convert the way we thought it would. And next thing you know, we are spending money that we
didn't think we should be spending and we can't take it anymore. And we exit the window of tolerance
can only take so much that right there, guys, is the same experience as our physical experience.
When we're walking down the street and experiencing all of those sensations,
it's getting dark. We hear rustling in the bushes and now the man jumps out same thing,
but this is the emotional safety picture we experienced. We woke up late. Our, our house
was a mess. We spilled on our favorite shirt. We, we went to do our ad campaign. Didn't go the way
we expected it to. Our product didn't come out the way we expected to. I sat down and I got brain fog
and we can only handle so much. And now the amygdala, the alarm goes off, lid flips. We exit
the window of tolerance. Now, why the reason why I want to show you this on the emotional safety side.
is because it comes back to practical tools
that allow us to actually handle this
a little bit differently.
Because have you ever noticed that there are some days
where this window of tolerance feels larger than others?
Some days when you can handle the stress
and other days you just cannot handle the stress.
Well, let's throw a few variables out there
that impact this.
How about, how big is your window of tolerance
when you have not slept?
Like it is so small.
Look how small it can get.
Matter of fact, the Urban Dictionary
went as far as to add the word tangry
into its actually defined terms, which is tired, angry.
It defined it because so many people with a lack of sleep
have such very little tolerance for stress
that they defined this as tangry.
We walk around this world tired, angry
because we're not sleeping well.
Now, how about, how well do you function
when you have not eaten anything
and you're really, really hungry and the stress is mounting?
This is when you're super hungry and you come home
and you haven't eaten all day.
You've been going, going, going, going, going
and your kids walk in the door,
your spouse walks in the door and they say,
hey, what's for dinner?
And you're like, lid flips instantaneously
just because they had the audacity to ask
because you're already hungry.
And the Urban Dictionary gave us this term as well
called hangry.
You've heard of this one, I'm sure.
People walk around saying, oh, he's just hangry.
She's just hangry.
These are now defined terms in our English language.
How tragic is that?
Because we are angry beavers when we're hungry.
What this really is is our window of tolerance is shrinking
when we are not taking care of the physiology.
Remember my very first lesson,
we are not emotional creatures and physical creatures.
We are inseparably connected,
which means what happens to one is happening to both.
If I don't give this body of mine sleep,
guess what happens to me emotionally?
I will crash.
If I don't give this body food,
guess what happens to me emotionally?
I will crash.
If I don't give this body fresh air and sunlight,
guess what happens to me emotionally?
I will crash.
If I don't give this body hydration,
guess what happens to me emotionally?
I will crash.
If I don't give this body movement,
guess what happens to me emotionally?
I will crash.
If I don't give this body protein
and fruits and vegetables, it will crash.
I want you to think about that
because these are practical things,
incredibly practical things we can do
to actually expand our window of tolerance.
See, if it's true that if I'm hungry,
my window of tolerance shrinks,
and if I'm tired, my window of tolerance shrinks,
guess what must also be true?
It's opposite.
That if I give my body good sleep,
my window of tolerance expands.
If I give my body good food,
my window of tolerance expands.
If I give my body sunlight,
my window of tolerance expands.
We can actually expand our window of tolerance
in order to actually feel differently
about what is going on in our surroundings.
Does that make sense?
So I wanted today,
I, there's so many,
so many things I can share with you guys today,
but I really wanted to share with you today
some practical things to expand our window of tolerance
and to manage the regulation
of what happens when this lid flips.
I think it's important that you understand the lid flips
when we leave the window of tolerance.
That's incredibly important for us to understand
and important to understand what to do when that lid flips.
So I'm gonna pull this,
I apologize, I'm switching slide decks on us
because I wanna share one more thing with you guys here
on this window of tolerance
that's really, really important.
There we go, right there, that's where I need to be.
All right, so when this lid flip,
or when we exit the window of tolerance,
super important that we recognize
when we exit the window of tolerance,
that is also the same as our lid flipping.
Exit the window of tolerance, that is flipping the lid,
that is taking in all of the sensory experience,
the alarm is going off, boom.
And what happens when our lid flips?
Ah, that's right, our logical, rational brain
not driving the bus right now.
So important because as women,
how many times have you been in the middle
of doing something, you're building something,
you're writing an email and you're like,
I don't even know, I can't even form a sentence right now,
like I was building this creative
and now I just don't even know,
I don't even know what I was saying.
I have been writing this email for 12 and a half years
and I cannot get this thing to sound right.
Or I was gonna go over here and run this,
I had this brilliant idea, but.
I sat down on my computer. I can't think straight. I have brain fog.
Um, what else do I hear women call this? Like, I, I, I'm just not creative.
Or they'll sit down and they need to do something with the financials,
but because they've had poor experiences in the past with financials,
they exit their window of tolerance really fast and now they can't think.
I got to sit down and do this with the books, but I can't think.
I don't know why I can't make two plus two equal four.
It's because that window of tolerance takes on a stress,
the lid flips. And when the lid is flipped, this are logical, rational brain, not connected.
That's why it feels like we don't have, like, we can't think we're not in control right then
because we're not now important to recognize that when that lid flips,
we have a few different responses. We exit the window of tolerance.
We exit into a place that is called hyper arousal, or most people know this as fight or flight.
Hyper arousal is when we kind of just, we just feel that overstress. Like I have taken in too
much. This happens all the time with women who have been trying to run a business all day long,
keep their crap together, manage their schedule, manage their stress, get something to go right.
And then all the kids come home from school and everything, chaos blows up in the house and you
walk out of your, you walk out of your office and you hear mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom.
And about the ninth mom, you're like, what do you want? Hyper arousal, overstimulation. It's
a whole thing. We've all done it. It's fine. Right? This happens. Why? Because we're literally
sending our body into fight or flight. Blood rushes to those extremities. We feel it. We feel
it on our head. We feel it in our hands. We feel it in our heart. We feel it in our gut. And then
guess what we do, ladies, this is a problem. Women do this all the time. We feel, we then have
anxiety about our anxiety because we're like, my gosh, I'm not supposed to feel this way about my
own child. And I'm certainly not supposed to respond that way to my kids. And then we, instead
of engaging or helping or honoring what just happened to us, we shove it because now we don't
have time for this right now. So we shove it. And when we shove it, it's important to know we did
not just get back in our window of tolerance. What we did was we went into a new state, which
is called hypoarousal. And this is where we kind of, we detach, we zone out, we check out. This is
when we start scrolling on phones. We, our children are saying things to us, but we're not actually
hearing it. It's like going in one ear and out the other. We're not processing information. We are
literally just taking it all in and letting it all go. And from here, we do two things. We freeze or
we fawn. Now freeze again, looks like it's just a shutdown. It's literally like the lights are on,
but no one's home. I am going through the motions. I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking, but not because
I'm using my brain cells, but because I have done it before. I get in the car and I drive carpool,
but not because I remember what I'm doing or not because I'm driving consciously. And I can even
get to a destination and think, how in the heck did I just get here? I don't even remember driving
here. Because you are running in a state of automatic autonomic function, but you aren't at
the party. Your kids are saying something to you and you're not hearing them. You can hear them
talking, but you're not hearing what they're saying. There's a detachment that happens from here.
And then we go into fawn, which is people-pleasing. This is when we will do whatever it takes to just
avoid conflict. Fine. Whatever. I will just do it. I asked the kids to do something. They didn't. I
can't handle the contention. I'm just going to do it. I asked my spouse or my partner or my ex to
do this and they didn't do it. So I'm just going to do it because I'm going to avoid conflict.
And we turn into a martyr. And now our business, we got to do the business and we got to do the
kids and we got to do life and we got to do all the things. And we just have to do it all because
it's just who we are. And we end up in this place. It's important to recognize our lid still flipped.
The lid still flipped. We're not better down there. And most people are like, well, I feel
like I'm calm there. I need you to understand hypo-arousal masquerades as control and it is not.
It masquerades as control because we don't feel angry. We don't feel out of control.
The problem is this. We don't feel much of anything. And this is where, when we stay down
there for long periods of time, we end up feeling quite depressed, right? It's a depression of
emotion. So this is, this is what happens in these spaces. Now, why is it really important to
understand this? Because there are three things that I want you ladies to know that are practical
tools for engaging with this. The first practical tool we're going to talk about is called symptom
specific response. Okay. Symptom specific response is when you find out what your body's physiology
needs, and then you respond in kind. Now this is kind of cool. And I want you guys to do what I'm
going to call the week of the grand experiment. This is going to be my challenge for you guys
this week. I want you to do the.
Week of the Grand Experiment.
And this is where you understand you.
Your job is to understand you.
And it starts with physiology.
Every human being, our physiology,
when it responds to stress,
actually starts in the feet, interestingly enough.
And most people don't even catch it
until it hits our guts.
That's why a lot of people talk about the stress
in their stomach or in their chest.
Most of it's because they don't pay attention
until it rises to that point.
But in every human, it starts in the feet.
Some people will notice their feet start just twitching.
For some, their feet will get itchy.
For some, their feet will get sweaty.
For some, they'll curl their toes
and start to recognize they're grinding their heel
into the floor.
I've seen all kinds.
Some people get tension in their bottom extremities
through their legs, through their butt.
And then they'll get it in their guts,
they'll get it in their heart, their hands.
Like, I want you, experiment number one,
challenge number one is, what are your symptoms?
And I say that not because I want you to then say,
oh great, I'm broken and I need to be fixed,
but because I want you to know that you can actually,
very practically, engage in a symptom-specific response.
If you get really hot, use cold.
Matter of fact, super fun experiment you can do
if you have little kids.
If a little kid is throwing a tantrum
and you notice they're getting very hot,
they're getting red, they're getting sweaty
because they've cried so much,
to put a tiny little ice cube in the palm of their hand
and just see what happens.
Just see what happens.
Super funny, I was at Disneyland
and this little kid was in a stroller behind us
just throwing a tantrum and his poor mom
was just doing everything she could do,
but she was there, she had one arm,
with a child, one in the stroller,
and I just grabbed a tiny little ice cube out of my drink
and turned around and put it in this little kid's hand
and closed his little fingers around the ice
and he instantaneously stopped crying.
And I just turned back around, didn't say a word,
just stood there in line and this little kid
just staring at this ice in the palm of his hand.
And it shocked his regulatory system,
like it's a sympathetic nervous system response.
It shocked his nervous system and it just made him stop
because the heat was keeping him in a state of delusion.
He wasn't thinking either, his brain was here.
If you're hot, use cold.
With teenage girls, I coach a lot of female athletes.
Literally, I have them take an ice cube
if they're feeling deep anxiety before a performance.
They take an ice cube, put it right down the sports bar,
right between the ladies down there.
It is a fascinating capacity to regulate.
It's amazing.
Okay, ice cold water.
If you experience a lot of anxiety,
I want you to have ice water or electrolytes
at your desk all day that you sip on.
Nice and easy with cold that goes down
into your digestion system
and you feel the cold on your hands.
Super practical steps because you got cold,
you got hot, you use cold.
And I want to, and I'm gonna give you guys all one.
There is something that's actually called
a nervous system reset that is literally designed
for all of these symptoms that your body can experience.
And I want you to walk through it with me.
I want you to try it because once we try it,
I'm gonna explain what just happened.
And if you don't try it,
you're not gonna be able to know what I'm talking about.
So we're gonna do it together.
I want you to put yourself someplace
where you can have your feet on the floor.
You can be sitting though, be sitting,
but I want your feet on the floor.
Now, what I want you to do is I want you
to curl your toes under, like curl your toes under like this
and really tense your toes.
And then I want you to lift your feet up onto the heels.
So your toes stay curled, now lift up on your heels
and you can feel that tightness go right up your shin.
And now I want you to flex your quads
while you're sitting there and now flex your glutes.
Like really squeeze that butt ladies.
Now flex the abs, flex the back, flex the shoulders,
squeeze the hands.
And while everything's really tight, keep it all tight.
I want you to take a deep breath in through the nose.
And I want you to keep everything squeezed.
Hold it right there.
Now we're gonna spike it at the top like this.
Give me a good spike ladies.
Keep everything squeezing, squeezing.
And now I want you to release it all
through your chest like this.
Oh, and I want you to shake for a second.
Just shake it out for a second.
Ooh, now for everyone you should have just felt this like,
some people will describe it as almost lightheaded.
But now what I want you to pay attention to here
in about three seconds,
what's happening in your mind right now?
Do you notice how calm it is?
Because what you just did was this.
That is what that feels like.
Really important, that is called a nervous system reset.
That is literally a reset.
of your sympathetic nervous system.
And so you'll notice it'll calm your breathing,
it'll calm your stomach, it'll calm you down.
Then if you're feeling hot, put some cold.
If you have, and the other reason it works really well,
ladies, is because if you have tension in your jaw
or your neck or your throat,
if you tense everything and then tell your body to release,
your body cannot hold tension in one spot
and release it somewhere else.
It has to release the tension everywhere.
So you can do that three times in a row.
Give yourself like 10 seconds between each time,
and you will notice a deep reset of that nervous system.
So that's challenge number one.
Find your symptoms and engage with them.
Do a reset breath, get some ice
or some heat if you're cold.
If you get tense, release into that tension
and release that tension out.
If your heart is racing, take deep breaths
and slow it down.
The reset breathing will do that,
but I want you to engage with your symptoms.
I don't want you to be afraid of them.
I want you to be aware of them and engage with them.
Symptom-specific response.
The second part of the human experiment
is I want you to identify what did you want to do?
So in this space, when we had an emotional response
to the situation, what did you want to do?
Did you want to fight?
Like, did you want to, did you feel a burst of energy?
It's really funny when you describe fight with women,
they're like, well, I don't want to fight.
Like I do, bring me a punching bag all day long.
It's my best friend, but it's because people are so,
again, we have this, we're afraid of this.
I need you to recognize, did you want,
did you feel a push, a release of energy that felt intense?
That is fight.
Did you want to run?
Were you like, I just got to get the heck out of here.
I got, I will be anywhere but here right now.
Anywhere but here, like put me in a hole,
take me somewhere else, anywhere but here.
That is a flight feeling.
Did you all of a sudden feel like I had 14,000 things
to say and not a single word came?
It was like, lights are on, no one's home.
I was paralyzed and inaction.
I could do nothing, I literally could do nothing.
I was like, I couldn't talk, I couldn't make a decision.
That would be freeze.
And if you just went into the same old,
no, it's no, whatever you want, it's fine.
No, I don't need to, no, I don't need to decide.
You decide whatever you need, people pleasing,
avoid conflict, that would be fawning.
I want you to use this week to figure out
which one of these you felt.
And then I want you to try to engage with it.
And what I mean by that is it is something
called finish the cycle.
We regulate emotional response in two ways.
We address the symptoms and then we finish the cycle.
Why is that so important?
Because our body and brain, it released a safety valve.
It was like, boom, I'm shooting this,
I'm going to make sure you know you're not safe right now.
And you shoot out of the window of tolerance
into the unknown and the uncertain
and therefore the unsafe.
And your brain doesn't know this is not helping you.
It has one job to do, send off the alarm.
It did its job.
But when you tell that alarm to shut up,
or when you say, I'm not paying attention to you
because you're annoying me right now,
or I don't have time for this,
what does your brain do with that?
That's not part of its programming.
It doesn't even know what to do with that message.
So do you know what it does do?
It's like, oh, she must not be hearing me.
I will get louder and I will get more obnoxious
and I will sound the alarm more frequently
until she and I can communicate together.
That's a great idea.
And then guess what we get to feel all the time.
So when we have experiences
where we leave our window of tolerance and we regulate,
like we do a nervous system reset, we take some breaths,
we drink some cold water, we feel better for a minute.
But I want to describe it like this.
You guys know the car door,
the car door, like the back tailgate of an SUV.
You push the button and it comes down.
But it doesn't, if there's something in the way right here,
it doesn't latch.
And the first bump you hit, that things coming back up.
That's kind of like symptoms specific response
will help you close your lid like this,
but it doesn't get it all the way closed at the bottom.
And the next stress you hit
is gonna pop that thing open again.
To go and lock that thing into place,
you need to finish the cycle of whatever you felt.
If you needed to fight, you need to fight.
If you wanted to flight, you need to run.
If you froze, we need to shake it out.
And then we need to honor what we didn't do.
If we fun, we need to make some decisions for ourself
and then engage.
So what does that look like practically?
Fight looks like.
and an intense release of energy for 90 seconds to three minutes.
Really important, ladies.
I'm not talking about working out.
I'm talking about honoring your emotions for 90 seconds to three minutes.
Fight can look like air squats.
It can look like punching, punching a punching bag.
It can look like push ups.
It can look like burpees.
It can look like wall push offs.
It can look like if you're if you like to go to a weight room,
it looks like clean and jerk.
If it can look like any intense expression of energy.
Now, really important.
I have women tell me all the time, oh, I don't have time for this.
Ladies, you do not have time not to do this.
Do you know what happens with the with my clients that I work with?
They're all business owners.
My client's productivity and efficiency goes up by an average of 40 to 70 percent.
40 to 70 percent.
Why does their productivity and efficiency go up so high?
Because we stop doing work without brain cells.
It's poor work, and we end up redoing it
or it takes us two hours to do what should have taken us 10 minutes.
If you will honor the emotions here and close the lid,
take three minutes to do that, then the job you're about to do
will take you the 10 minutes that's supposed to not the two hours
that it will when you're trying to do it without your brain.
Does that make sense?
So I need you to honor this.
Take 90 seconds.
Take three minutes.
Express the emotion and then sit down and do your work.
If flight was your thing, I need you to move.
And what that doesn't look like is pacing.
If we pace in a box or in straight lines, we feel stuck.
That makes flight worse.
I'm talking go outside and walk.
Just walk for 90 seconds in one direction and then you turn around and come back.
And while you're walking, I want you to move your mind and your body.
I want you to think of that.
Remember that sensory engagement we talked about, how that's part
of the amygdala's job when you're in flight?
I want you to go out and I want you to think of five things you can hear
and four things you can see with your eyes and three things that you can smell
and two things you can touch with your fingers and one thing
you can taste with your tongue.
If you will move your senses and move your body for three minutes,
you will be fascinated by how much better you feel.
If you get into freeze, I need you to shake it up.
And what I mean by that in terms of sensory response is like
sometimes we get into deep freeze.
A lot of women wake up frozen
because they didn't deal with their emotions the night before.
These are you people who have a very hard time getting out of bed
and waking up in the morning feels like hell on earth.
And it happens every morning.
You're often frozen when you wake up.
What does it look like to unfreeze?
It looks like gentle sensory stimulation that shakes up the senses.
It looks like touching your forefingers to your fingers like this.
And then taking some breaths.
And then moving my neck.
Starting to shake my legs.
Starting to shake a little bit, maybe a little bounce.
And then I can go for my walk.
Then I can do my jumping jacks.
Then I can do some air squats or whatever the movement is
that I'm now feeling like I need to do.
I need to unfreeze first.
If fawn is your thing, I need you to write down three things on a piece of paper.
Very important on a piece of paper.
Write down three things.
Pick the order and then do all three.
So I write down that I need to and they can be simple things.
I need to use the bathroom, eat some lunch and get a drink of water.
Good. Which one are you going to do?
First, second and third choose.
OK, I'm going to get a drink of water, use the bathroom, eat some lunch.
Good. Now go and do it in that order.
That literally removes us from the fawn response
because the fawn response is an indecision loop
that forces the brain into a space of lack of lack of capacity
outside of autonomic function to make a decision.
So as we will just engage in these little things.
So step one of our challenge, symptom specific response,
nervous system, reset breath.
If you're hot, take some ice, deal with your symptoms.
Step two, figure out what response type you are and engage with it.
And if you don't know, try it.
Try something that does both.
Go for a walk and then 30 seconds in.
Do 10 jumping jacks, do something explosive and expressive and then go again.
If you don't know, like shake it out and then start walking
and then do some jumping jacks.
You can get all.
If you don't know, write it down that you're going to go for a walk.
Go for a walk. Shake it out while you're moving.
Walk. Do some jumping jacks and then come back.
You get all four response types.
I need you to just engage. Try it.
That's going to be your two things.
And then your third thing that I want to challenge you guys to do
is I want to challenge you to expand your window of tolerance with one thing.
I want you to pick either sleep.
And by sleep, what I mean is pick.
a consistent time to go to bed or a consistent time to wake up and be intentional about it.
Just be intentional about honoring your body's need for sleep or pick food. Be intentional about
what time am I going to eat or be intentional about protein consumption or be intentional
about sunlight. Do you know one of the most important things you can do is get five to
ten minutes of sunlight first thing in the morning. So if maybe and another important
thing is movement. If you will just pick a time to wake up, go outside for a morning walk for 10
minutes in morning sunlight while you breathe, come back and drink some electrolytes. If you
added that as a five to ten minute routine in the morning, wake up, go for a walk outside in the
sunlight and drink some electrolytes. If you did those things, ladies I kid you not, my clients
call that morning routine their biggest game changer ever. They call it magic because of
what it does and how they feel and what they're emotionally capable of doing the rest of the day.
Oh my gosh time flies when you're having a good time. I could be here all day with you guys. I
am so passionate about women who run businesses, our moms and our running families. It is, I am
one. I am deeply passionate about empowering women to have it all. Ladies, if somebody tells
you you can't have it all, they're lying to you. You can have it all. You can be amazing
and you can run a beautiful business and you can be a fabulous mom and these things are not
interdependent. They are, they're part of who you are as a human being and if you're intentional
about honoring who you are, honoring the emotions you feel, not owning it like being broken or
feeling like because I experienced these things something's wrong with me, don't own that.
Lean into the fact that we are literally emotional physical creatures. We are spiritual,
emotional, mental beings having a physical experience. Let's honor that and as we engage
with it and not be afraid of it, when we engage with understanding, we can be intentional and we
can have it all. So I will go ahead and leave these last, sorry I didn't leave a ton of time
for questions, but a few more minutes here and you can ask some questions and I'll throw out some
answers. I hope, I hope everybody got something that they feel they can take away from this and
be actionable with. Oh yeah, lots of amazing comments, like tons, tons of gold. Am I right,
ladies? We're all taking gold from this session right here. Yeah, lots of thank yous. I saw a lot
of us kind of look at like, you know, which one do we find ourselves in? Somebody asked, you know,
can that switch, you know, the fight, flight, freeze, fawn? I'm gonna say yes, right? And just
like absolutely know yourself and like take care of yourself accordingly. Yes, absolutely. So we
will all experience all four throughout our life. Most of us have a dominant one and I'll tell you
that freeze and fawn are trauma, trauma learned responses. And what that means is we've had life
experiences or life circumstances or, or trauma, which is defined as a disruption in care,
giving something sudden or unexpected happened that made us understand that in those moments,
fight or flight was bad. This happens a ton with teenagers. They come out with some fight,
they get in trouble for fighting, but so they try to run and they get the, don't you walk away
from me when I'm talking to you. So they can't fight and they can't flight. So what do they do?
They freeze. This is why your teen stands there and scrolls on their cell phone. Like
they have no brain cells because they don't, they are in a state of numb disengagement,
scrolling. Why? Because they can't fight. They can't flight. And they learn that behavior. That's
a learned behavior. And we learn this behavior with different people in our lives. You'll notice
that you're like, well, I'm kind of a fighter with everything except this person in my life.
And then I fawn like crazy, or I am a flighter for sure. But I learned in business, I have to fight.
So now I'm a learned fighter over here, but I run from everything else. You'll notice that you're,
you have learned your body is a survival beast. It is so powerful. We are designed to survive.
So we have learned how to adapt to our various circumstances and we will experience all four
responses. And that's why I said, don't be afraid to do little things that engage all four,
make your checklist of three things, walk outside, do them all a little shake off,
then some walking, then some jumping jacks. Literally, you just got all four in one,
in one perspective thing. So really powerful. And yes, you can experience all of them. And yes,
they can shift over time if we have negative experiences. So good. Um, somebody was,
there was a few asking about electrolytes. Oh, I love.
You guys, electrolytes, I'm not kidding you.
I want you to think about this.
Your brain is made of electrical, electrical charges, positive
and negative cellular structures.
It would make sense then that we would want a really soluble
electrical environment for our brain to function from.
It is it is I mean, the vast majority up here is water, but it's not water.
It's a salt solution based water.
When we provided electrolytes, you're going to feel like
I've been operating with my lights on a dimmer switch.
And as I take in electrolytes, it's like it is so cool.
This game changer.
Now, important about electrolytes.
My favorite.
If you can't if you struggle to get them in, there are pills
that are called my favorite Relight, R-E-L-Y-T-E.
Amazon Prime has same day shipping on these bad boys.
They're pills you can take.
Now, some people prefer that because they don't like the salty
taste of electrolytes.
However, for some people, taking in that much salt in a single dose
makes their stomach upset.
So I can't take pills.
It makes my stomach upset.
However, I have two types of electrolytes I recommend.
One is LMNT, capital L, capital M as in Mary and as in Nancy.
And then the letter T LMNT.
This is a powder.
I mix it with twice the amount of water and add ice.
And I sip on it all day long.
It is so awesome.
If if it's too salty for you, body armor light has an electrolyte pouch.
It's called electrolytes prime.
I think body armor electrolytes.
It's not as salty. Still is good.
The important part that you're looking for, ladies, is you need all four types.
You need sodium, magnesium, potassium and chloride.
Most electrolytes on the market, like your Powerades or your Gatorades,
they only have sodium.
So they claim electrolyte status, but they only have one of the big four.
I need you to get all four.
OK, so I like that's why I like LMNT.
I like Relight. Relight also has a powder form.
It's a taste preference for me.
LMNT tastes better for me, so I like it better.
And that's what I would recommend in the mornings.
If it's too salty for you can also take a little bit of crystal light
and mix them together, and it's actually quite delicious.
You'll find it as a nice, tasty beverage.
You'll also find if you are properly hydrated with electrolytes,
you will crave less soda.
Soda is a very dehydrating beverage.
I'm not saying you shouldn't have it.
You know, the good doctor and I are great friends on the occasion,
and I have no problems with that.
And just know that if you have a soda, you've got to double up
your hydration with water and electrolytes because it will dehydrate you.
So I'm not I'm not a person who says don't do this.
I'm just say understand what you're doing.
If I drink a soda, I understand.
I just dehydrated myself.
I got to double up on my water intake.
And it was a day that the good doctor and I needed to have a relationship.
It's fine. It's fine. Right.
So just understand.
Act with understanding with yourself.
Coconut water, I see in the chat, is also a good electrolyte.
It is a little bit shy in and
I can't remember if it's sodium that that one's shy
and it has really quite good magnesium and potassium.
So you're just looking for the big four.
Make sure you're getting the big four.
I would the big four is salt, sodium, sodium,
magnesium, potassium chloride.
OK, the one that coconut water, it's chloride that it's it's low on.
OK, there you go.
Because I knew it was I knew it was low on one chloride. Yeah.
And then.
Hold on, I'm just checking.
Oh, how to connect with you.
We dropped your Instagram and you're we're dropping a little bit.
Somebody asked you have any classes like I do.
Yep. So I do.
The way I work is I work with either private clients or groups of clients.
So I work with I have a business women's group that I just work with.
We just do emotionals.
We do weekly hour long trainings on just emotional understanding
and emotional intelligence.
And we apply it in business, meaning
we apply it in four quadrants, physical, spiritual,
professional and personal.
And what I mean by that is we really just teach what we taught here
and then say, how does that show up in your professional world?
Does that show up where you're not negotiating well
because you're getting emotional?
We're not hiring. Well, we can't hire.
We can't let go.
We can't we can't bring on the kind of help we need.
We struggle with creativity.
We don't do we don't do business coaching at all.
We just do emotional intelligence and how that shows up in the business,
if that makes sense.
So just to kind of put that out there and we do
we do those types of classes.
And then I work with private clients predominantly. So.
Amazing. Awesome.
Ladies, any other questions you want to drop in the chat?
I went through and I've just kind of been asking her the questions I've seen.
But if last minute here, if there's any.
Oh, I did see one.
I'm going to address, I have C1 on there that talks about AG1.
OK, so this is great.
Micronutrients, huge, ladies, and we don't get enough of them.
And so I do like AG1 if you like the powdered greens.
Also, cold pressed greens are another game changer for us
because we live in a busy world.
Uber greens.
So there's one called Suja is a brand, S-U-J-A,
and they have a drink called Uber greens.
Evolution is another brand, and they have one
that's also close to that greens one.
These cold pressed greens are incredible
for just giving your body what it needs.
And I would recommend drinking them as a way to kind of break your fast,
meaning let it be the first thing that you drink in the morning.
If I could describe what your body does with this
in terms of the window of tolerance, I want you to think about it
like putting primer on on drywall before paint.
If you put paint on drywall without primer, it sucks up all your paint
and you pay a lot of money because you got to put on three coats of paint.
If you put primer on, it's a much cheaper base, right?
And and it literally creates it so that the paint comes on nicer
throughout the day.
Micronutrients in a cold pressed green are like giving your body a primer
so that as you consume proteins and other nutrients
throughout the day, your body uses them properly
and gives you energy and fuel for structural support.
That's tremendously expansive for your window of tolerance.
So if you can do an AG one or if you can do an uber greens
or an evolution or a suja in the mornings, it's really, really helpful.
Would you recommend a pair of that with protein, normal breakfast?
Anything else?
Yeah. So the key with the key with proteins, right,
is that you want to make sure that you're getting your proteins.
People are like, oh, my gosh, I don't like to eat breakfast.
It makes me nauseous. But then don't like the deal is this.
Like, I need you to eat, like, listen to your body
and you need to consume food, right?
So if you were to think about it like this, I need you to be consuming
a minimum of point six grams of protein per pound of body weight
in order to maintain structural integrity of your body
and give you the best shot at being emotionally healthy, period.
So if that looks like that, that your window of eating
is from 12 to 7 p.m., great.
There's literally almost no science on breakfast
beyond the random studies they did in order for General Mills
to promote cereal in the 70s.
That's the truth, right?
So the reality is your body needs a certain amount of nutrients.
And if you create a pattern and it gets used to eating inside of that pattern,
then you are you will have what your body needs
because your body will know it's coming.
And so it's really about establishing patterns that work for you.
I do need you to consume protein.
Awesome. I've got I see two more questions.
Well, when we start all easily, which one of the four would that be?
If you were to what was that start all easily? Oh,
well, I did.
So usually usually what that means is that your lid is a little bit stuck
in a flipped state of hyper stimulation.
And what I would highly recommend is is a combined movement
between fight and flight.
And I would do that as what I call proactive regulation.
So what I would do is I would make sure part of your morning routine
is is at least three minutes that is intentionally designed
to reset your nervous system.
So that would look like waking up in the morning
would literally look like.
I have multiple clients that do this, by the way.
So I'm going to give you guys a little a little a little five minute
morning thing for you.
So you wake up and just say, hey, Siri, set an alarm for five minutes.
Siri sets the alarm for five minutes.
And then you just start with this right here.
Just start with the gentle touches while you're laying there.
Look at my Siri started my alarm. All right.
Here we so we touch these things right here and then we start the breathing
and then we sit up.
Now we sit up in our bed and we start to move the shoulders.
We start to give a little bit of tension, a little stretch, just really gentle,
really important that we recognize that sometimes when our nervous system
has been stuck in hyper threat, hyper stimulation,
and we have shoved into hypo and we have done this all day long.
Our nervous system, it needs a little bit of gentility.
Like we need to be gentle with this.
So I want you to think about being gentle with yourself in the morning.
If you struggle to get out of bed in the morning,
I want you to be gentle with yourself.
I want you to start it here.
I want you to start opening your eyes and taking in sensory experiences
with your eyes.
I want you to listen for things that you were not hearing just a moment ago.
And I want you to sit up and I want you to take some deep breaths.
And when you're ready and everything's there,
I want you to do a nervous system reset.
I want you to take that tension and then that deep breath in the spike at the top and release.
Shake. Do that a second time and then stand up and start really shaking it out while we're
standing up and get to the point where you can do something engaging. And ideally that looks like
jumping jacks. If you have if you have soreness of knees or backs and you can't do anything
expressive like that, lift knees to chest one at a time and move arms like just move the arms like
this. Knee to chest. Knee to chest. Knee to chest. Knee to chest. Like move that body until you
actually start your heart starts pumping a little bit and you actually start to feel yourself get a
little bit warm and then you're probably done. You're going to notice your alarm's going to go
off and you're going to be like, wow, like I'm awake and I'm ready and I actually feel pretty
good. What you're going to notice is you just honored yourself for maybe the first time in a
long time. You honored the emotions that come with life and you honored the stress that comes with
multiple things stacking. And you honored the fact that you exit your window of tolerance
multiple times and it's okay for you to give yourself what you need. And if you'll come out
of that, if you feel something from there, like you're like, wow, I want to move, do it. And if
you feel from that, like, wow, I'm like ready, like let me at the day, then do that too. Honor
what you feel comes next in that space. But usually what that means is if you startle easily
or you feel like you, you depress easily, you probably have just been stuck in hyper or hypo
arousal for quite some time. And you probably have, have live a life where you are constantly
outside of the window of tolerance. Also remember that window of tolerance represents anything
upside of that window of tolerance represents something that is unknown and uncertain. And that
is why our brain delineates it as unsafe. So I'm sure you guys are women of business. You like to
do vision. You like to do visualization. Those are incredibly important exercises. Even if you do that
right after you reset, because visualization and vision work replaces the picture here in the
hippocampus. And if I write about it enough that I know it, it is no longer unknown and uncertain,
is it? So I can go chase that thing and I can do it inside of safety. So those are really powerful
points in the morning. Hopefully that helps for whoever needed that. Yeah, that was awesome. And
you're absolutely right. We do. We talk a lot about casting vision, creating 3d vision, creating,
you know, many goals to your vision. So I think this pairs so well, right? Everybody like with
what we exactly like, yes, what we, what we teach and do here. So, um, I saw two ideas for this
morning reset. What about yoga or standing on vibration plate? So vibration plates work because
they bring us out of freeze. Like many, many people wake up in a freeze response because they
did not do anything with the emotions they felt throughout the day. And if we don't honor those
emotions, we will shove them down into hypo arousal. So what vibration plates are actually
doing from a space of understanding is they're shaking you like literally shaking you. And
because of that, they can help us come out of freeze. What they won't do is honor your fight
or flight response. So after, if you're going to use shaking plates, which I don't have any
problems with, I've actually had clients use them very successfully. Don't end with shaking and
assume that's going to work because that would bring you out of freeze. But remember when we
come out of freeze, we will go up back into hyper arousal to either fight or flight. We need to
honor the fact that freeze and Foner learned trauma responses. They are not natural. So after
we come out of freeze, then what we need to, we need to go for a walk or we need to expressively
release some emotion. Uh, if we'll use the shaking pad with one of those two activities,
substantially better yoga is going to be really helpful for some people. And yoga could drive
somebody else insane. Like if you're one of those people who's like, Oh, I tried yoga and I wanted
to kill somebody. Well, that's because you're a fighter that is now stuck in a position and that's
not going to go well for you. Or you need to, you either you, if you have exaggerated into hyper
arousal, yoga is problematic because it's a stuck position. So if I'm a flighter, I need to move.
And I am stuck in a downward dog. If I'm a fighter, I need to move and I am frozen in a warrior
position, but I can't hit anything right. Like it's a problem. But if I have regulated, like if
I go to three minutes and finish a cycle, yoga will be fantastic because my mind will be clear.
I can engage my muscular structure and I can actually use it to create calm and inner peace.
I have to regulate first before I can do yoga. Yoga doesn't work well for me,
but some people, if they've been in freeze for a long time,
need yoga.
yoga to actually come out of freeze,
and then they'll want to go do something engaging.
So, so you just have to, again, what I want more than anything
is for you guys to understand the dynamics behind this,
because then you can think,
oh, why is it that yoga makes me nuts?
And you're like, well, because I'm in fight or flight
and clearly being in a stationary position
is not going to work for that, right?
But you could also say, oh, I've just regulated that.
Now I want to find that inner peace
because I let go of my fight
and I let go of my flight.
Now that I can come into yoga, it feels amazing.
And allow yourself to understand
what it is you're experiencing,
as opposed to taking the common world dynamic of,
oh yeah, well, that's not for me.
That's just not for me.
Does that make sense for everybody?
Yeah, I'm seeing lots of yeses, so good.
I love how personal this is
and how you keep bringing us back to like hearing
our own body, knowing ourselves.
It's very empowering, I think, for all of us.
Okay, I've got a part A and B to a question about kids.
So when my kids, their kids are whining,
having behavior issues,
like any suggestions of what to do
like in that very moment to handle them
so that I, as the mom, can reset.
So that's a question.
And then are these, the similar things you're talking about,
are they also for teens?
Would you do anything different for teens
or is it the same?
The brain works the same for everyone.
So people say all the time,
do you only work with business women?
So just so you guys know, I have worked with,
so I've worked with human trafficking victims.
I have worked with foster children.
I work once a week in prisons
and actually go into incarcerated spaces
and work with incarcerated individuals,
teaching them these same tools.
This is human beings.
Every human being functions like this.
And so it's so empowering for our teens.
And what I would recommend with your kids is pay attention.
Pay attention with a lens of curiosity, not judgment.
As parents, we tend to look at
and we focus on behavior, not understanding.
And the reality is if we try to address behavior
without understanding,
we will fail over and over and over again.
If you'll find understanding first,
you will then start to find behavior can change itself.
And so with kids, just understanding,
watching them with some curiosity
and having some recognition of, oh my gosh, look at them.
They want to move.
Okay, my teen needs to move.
So you know what?
My next time I have a conversation with them,
we're gonna walk and talk.
My teen needs to fight.
Okay, you know what?
Next time I have a conversation with them,
I'm not gonna shut them down.
I'm gonna honor the fight.
And I'm actually gonna empower them to fight it out
and then we'll talk.
My teenage son is a fight.
We have a boxing bag hanging up in our basement.
If he needs to talk about something really important
and he starts to get heated,
I will say, I will say, son,
that emotion is not inappropriate for the situation.
And it is inappropriate for a conversation with me.
So how about you fight it out?
Like go, go ham.
Go release the snot out of this
on that punching bag downstairs.
And then let's talk.
Like, I want to talk through this
and I want you to have what you need here.
And I would be pissed if I were you too.
So let's fight it out and then let's talk.
And it's amazing what happens
after he goes ham on that bag for three minutes
and then comes upstairs.
We have beautiful conversations
and they're regulated conversations.
With little, little kids,
we see this all the time with little kids.
I will watch kids throwing tantrums
and they're hot as can be.
I can't tell you the number of, how simple.
With little kids, they get so hot
and they will scream and they get hotter.
And cold water and ice
and getting them to drink something
and engaging their parasympathetic nervous system
is just little tiny things.
They make big differences.
So good.
Do we do a reset before we switch roles?
Like if we're talking-
If you're smart, yes.
So I do, I mean, I would always,
before I leave my office, for sure,
there is, I'm very intentional
about allowing myself to reset before I go back out there
and allowing myself to finish a cycle.
Like if I need to, I will burpee it out.
I had one child who every time
he would come home from school,
I would watch him and he and I would come home
and we would regulate together.
And we didn't call it regulation.
He didn't know what it was.
He just knew that mom and he
were having a three minute pushup contest
every day after school because he was my little fighter.
And if he came home from school
and anything was emotional, I was about to fill it.
He was about to fill it.
We were both about to fill it.
So when he'd come home from school,
I would say, all right, let's go.
We'd turn on the timer.
We'd turn on our favorite song,
and we just went-
am for three minutes and then we'd be laying on the floor exhausted.
And I'd say, oh, tell me about your day.
And he would just tell me all about his day.
And two minutes later, we were both feeling good.
And and it works like engage with your kids, like recognize their needs for this.
And if you'll engage with them, it's just good things.
Good things can happen.
No, I love that.
I love how just easy that was.
Well, it's it's so practical, you guys, like we we complicate this so much
because we've been afraid of it for so long and we have not understood it.
We just have felt it.
And it's attacked our physiology and it's attacked our lives
and it's it's attacked our well-being and it has created paralyzing fear.
And if we just understand it, we can we can do so many practical,
simple things and we can we can truly can be empowered to work with it.
So good. Wow.
Everybody, can we just get can we just say thank you in the chat to Nadi?
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
What was this, y'all?
Like you were just like hitting our hearts here.
And it's we're never too old or too young or too smart or too
like, you know, tired to remember these things.
I need constant reminders.
I took like so many notes here and I'm like, oh, yeah, I can incorporate this.
And I love wasn't it so powerful if you all caught this when she said
we can't afford not to do these things.
We talk a lot about time, like, you know, being in lack thinking
I don't have enough time. Right.
Well, that's just that's just not true.
We can't.
These are such simple things that just shift in our lives
that affect literally every part of us.
So so thank you so much, Nadi.
I dropped your information on how to connect with you.
Actually, Tammy, can you drop it again one more time?
I somebody asked if you had a podcast, but I believe you have a YouTube
channel right now, right?
Yeah, right. Right now, I pretty much do just the group coaching
group and private coaching right now.
I do have a you I do have a YouTube channel, but it's it's dominantly more
for moms and it's it's directly attached to them
having children that are out serving religious missions.
So we have a lot of moms whose kids go out and they they go
they leave the country or they go adulting all of a sudden
and everything changes and their world falls apart
and they don't know how to handle it as a mom and their kids
don't know how to handle it.
I've had a lot of people tell me it's incredibly valuable
for if they have kids going to college or even entering high school.
So that's valuable if that's if that's up your alley
or that's part of what your life deals with.
I also have I have a digital product that you can kind of learn all of this
on a kind of a do it yourself basis on a sendy.com.
It's called Level Up.
And people will do that as kind of a self-guided study course as well.
So those are kind of some of the the tools I have access to.
Awesome. Well, we're so thankful to be connected with you
and thank you for the OK, they're asking, OK,
the link for the digital product was just dropped.
So that's it's that's a little bit wrong.
That's ascended.com. It's ascend eq.
So it's ascend eq.com.
There we go. Yeah, there we go.
Sorry, I think it corrected it for me.
Oh, no, you got to have it.
Now you're missing the D.
Ascend eq.com.
That's close, though. You're getting closer each time.
Corrected it for me.
And then that's right. Yes, that's correct.
Yeah, that's the one. Yeah.
All right. So everyone grab that link.
And yeah, thank you so much.
You're very welcome.
I always like to say this.
Take a moment at the end to just honor you,
Natty, for all the work you've done and the mission you're on.
And I think it's so powerful as women to just see each other,
you know, killing it, stepping up, stepping into your CEO identity
and and saying you can have it all.
That's what we believe here.
And we're all on a mission to, you know, be able to do
all the things that God is calling us to and that we're passionate about,
which is a lot of roles sometimes.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Yeah. We honor you and thank you for your time
and thank you for your yeses to get where you're at
and that you didn't stay.
You know, you you took your story and you found solutions
and you saw the other side of it.
I think a lot of people get stuck there and you did it.
And so you're here to share that.
And you're on a mission.
So we just honor you. We honor you, too.
Thank you. Yeah.
If I could leave my final word here would just be ladies like,
please remember. Yes.
And but we we live in a world of yes.
But this is this is what's going on in my life.
But and or so, yes.
So so this what's going on in my life.
So I can't do that.
Yes, this is happening, but I can't do anything about it.
There's.
So many yes, buts and yes, sos.
Like I want you to live a life of yes and.
Like every story on this call has so much going on.
I am confident there's a hundred things in your lives right now that are hard.
Yes.
And if we let the hard win, then what we just have harder.
So yes, life is not a cakewalk and it's not a fairy tale.
And we can do amazing things in it anyways.
So please, please live in the world of yes.
And boom.
And thanks for having me.
Thank you.
All right, everyone.
The replays will be available in the app, so you can grab this and you have
her information to connect with her and thank you everyone.
Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday.
Bye.